#;;its so weird since 2 years ago i was. not in the best state of my life

[rayroseu]

Wait this is actually interesting, so from what the story implies, Wild Rose Castle is weaker than Black Scale Castle because it probably has no magical atmosphere that serves as its defense, there's probably fewer troops here, and the fact that its just on a clear meadow makes the terrain not suitable for defenses unlike Black Scale who is atop a mountain and covered in a Valley.

So I kinda think that Wild Rose Castle is a newly built castle in Briarland. After all, Meleanor was a kid only 200 years ago so Wild Briar is probably that age as well (or more), i think that age is young (compared to Black Scale which probably several centuries old?) thats why it has weaker defense facilities.

Maybe Wild Briar is older as Black Scale, but this game says this is Meleanor's castle so I assume she's the one who had built this.

But I have this HC that this castle is actually built because of Levan. For his diplomatic mission between humans. Building a castle in an easy terrain would make sense to make it easier for magicless humans to transport in. Because I don't really expect(?) Maleanor who is a military commander, which she probably has knowledge of strategies, to not see how disadvantegous this location is considering its close to humans

But I also think Wild Briar was built as like a refuge for the faes that live far away outside Dragon City(I wont call it dragonopolis lol)

Wild Rose being a few centuries old also kinda makes sense since the Silver Owls only recognize Meleanor as the only ruler in Briarland, they probably arent aware theres a queen named Maleficia because she's ancient(?) atleast I didnt caught any silver owls mentioning her iirc(?) They went to the mountains near Dragon city yes-- but like it was to pursue General Lilia and not to besiege Black Scale as well even they kinda had the potential to do so since they took down Maleanor and Silver Owls' is implied to be very greedy--

I actually think its more interesting to not summarize Maleanor's cause of death as just her overestimating her win against Knight of Dawn-- I actually think its because of several reasons such as:

"Wrong time" in working out the diplomatic relations between the conflict between humans and faes, Levan's plan to educate wasn't pointless effort, but I wish the story states as well what he did to counter the fact that the faes hates humans not because of a misunderstanding, but because of their mistreatment towards faes(the story literally implies rhe humans kills faes meanwhile we have yet to see a royal guard fae that killed humans the story only tells us they chased them away), Levan does this when its clear that the Silver Owls was getting hostile, like objectively speaking, this was kinda not the right time to communicate and Meleanor was the receiving end of the build up hostility of the Silver Owls

This is kinda countering my first point, but Meleanor's decisions was kinda weird too in the story lol, why send your best Generals to the enemy fortress.... 😭💥 But I actually think this is interesting as well, because its likely a reference to the wars in LiveAction Maleficent... I remember watching that movie especially Maleficent 2: Mistress of Evil and just wondering why the Moors never plans (and even if they do its very simple, just charge in and overpower the enemy with strength), they just charge in instead of treating it "like a chess" where you save your best pieces in dangerous situations and everyone has a role in dispelling the enemy. They also hold this belief that only the strong ones would guarantee their success and heavily relies on them. Meanwhile, Queen Ingrid used deception and control to subdue all the faeries. Like Meleanor/Faes vs Humans, the faes never thinks about what the human enemy plans, they rely on raw dodging it lol probably alluding to the fact that the faes have trouble thinking like a human.

And lastly this point lol, poor choice of headquarters, the terrain is easy for humans to invade in, and the castle is still weak, also the fact that Wild Briar was alone in fighting several human nations was a factor as well because it couldnt get back up in time because it was too far away from Black Scale Castle, kinda adding Wild Briar was outnumbered too atp

[jmdbjk]

The gut punch.

Hobi’s eyes in this Weverse live... them knowing that we don’t know all the things... how do they keep it all together? This inevitable situation they must grapple with and work through and come out the other side. Hobi visited with his family recently. We thought something might be up but then a little time passed and we continued to skip along merrily, unaware... and now here we are. 

I am so glad Jimin visited Hobi during his bday live... it’s always so bittersweet when we can look back at things and say “they knew it then and they had to act like everything was ok.”

Time has a weird way of simultaneously accelerating and grinding to a halt depending on what we are applying it to. As a year, 2023 is moving right along...it’s already almost March! Grass is growing! Sun is shining! Mosquitos are back! 

Seems like we were just watching Hobi at New Year’s Rockin’ Eve trying not to slip on that cold, rainy stage. Seems like we were just frantic to know where is Jimin!? And WHEN was Jimin’s album coming?? We knew it had to be soon... and then the release date dropped and now Jimin is all over the place. And we still have photo folios coming at us. And the Suga/Agust D tour coming... and now Hobi’s On the Street! and the ball is rolling faster and faster. Time is spinning, spinning faster... 

And then we think about Jin. The Astronaut was released 4 months ago. Jinnie has been gone just a little over 2 months, yet it seems like he’s been gone for months upon months. Time slows down so much when I think about how long its been since we’ve seen Jin in real time. 

I thought after these few months of Jin being gone, the next announcement wouldn’t hurt so bad but this really hurts. It was like a gut punch. 

Y’all... I’m not sure how I will handle it when we get the “Hello, this is BigHit Music” for Jimin’s enlistment announcement. I never in a million years would have guessed “who is that blonde cutie” would turn into needing to take a week off work to cope with him enlisting in the military. Please, make it make sense.

I keep thinking about Jimin trying to keep us and himself grounded by saying things like “we’re not celebrities (who enjoy red carpet events)” and “I am just a goofy friend in sweatpants who loves soju.” At his essence, yes, that’s who he is. Unfortunately, we don’t have the privilege of seeing any hints of his real life because the hatefulness that exists in the world has taken that away from us.

But Jimin reminds us from time to time that he is just a regular guy who enjoys simple pleasures.

What he does show us is Jimin of BTS. The idols’ idol. He is always wanting to show us his good side. He wants to always be “pretty” for us. He works hard at his job and he does it very well. Like...he’s the best there is in the industry.

We know he’s working himself into the ground with his solo work. When it is his time to enlist, he will leave knowing he’s put his heart and soul, blood, sweat and tears into it. I went back and re-read his Weverse article from June of last year. He said back then that he did not want to spend this next year being half-assed with what he was doing. He was going to do it “properly.” 

We’ve heard several of the members state how hard Jimin’s been working. We’ve heard it from the mouths of people who have worked with him as well. His solo work will be just as amazing as he is.

There is a gap in Jimin’s album promo map... to allow for Yoongi’s concert ticket sales and for Hobi’s On the Street release. We get confused regarding the timing of all of their activities. There are lots of moving parts we don’t know about. And solos and mantis screaming unrealistically about unfairness and mistreatment add to the confusion, regardless of how it’s all carefully planned out as best as possible and regardless how many times the members each implore us to trust them. More than ever, it is imperative to ignore the haters and the people trying to misdirect our attention.

We do not know the reasons for, or the how or the why each member decides when they will go ahead and enlist. That is a very personal and private thing for them. They make the decision according to what is best for themselves. We are not entitled to know their reasons for that decision. There are a lot of things they consider and they plan everything the best they can with every other member’s plans for enlistment and solo work because they respect each other. Also, the company can see the big picture as to how to give everything the best chance for the best outcome. Is it all perfect? No. Humans are involved. They simply asked us to trust them.

The exact timing of enlistment maybe hasn't been set in stone for each of them since last year but they are weighing and considering all the moving parts and they pretty much know, if not the day they will set it in motion, at least the very small window when they will. I think all of the releases and timings of it all have been planned as best as possible regarding all this and the solos and mantis can scream mistreatment and unfairness all they want but this is real fucking life. Wheels within wheels are constantly turning... yes. They asked us to trust them.

I think we should be grateful for everything they’ve done and the sacrifices they’ve made because truthfully, they owe none of that to us with the way parts of this fandom move. 

Do you believe they are strong individuals? Do you feel they are reliable? Have they ever let us down? They asked us for our trust and our blessing. 

Let’s give it to them unconditionally.

We’ve seen hints of Joonie working...will it be a parting gift too?

And these Weverse conversations they have amongst each other will eventually turn into their group conversations and we will collectively lose our minds when they happen. Time rolls on without regard to our feelings. 

[totallynoteggos]

lol hey this is just a vent post abt my life rn I don’t really expect any on u to read this

Tw if you do read this: talk of Anxiety, ppl not understanding neurological limitations, talk of vauge self exit and SH (its very minor) overall vent post shit

Sorry u have to see me in such a shifty mental state but I need to get this off my chest before I resort to violence

Once again, not KND stuff this is a Vent Post

I’m not neurotypical by any means I'm on some spectrum but all we know so far is that I have OCD and Anxiety. Also I'm going into the 9th grade which that In of itself is a stressful situation but in the last four years I've never stayed in the same school so seeing the same people is hella new to me. I have this really bad habit of going no contact with people after the school year is over because I usually never see them again. My mom can't seem to understand that there are simply things I can't do because of the anxiety & OCD (and I'm not using this as a reason to act out or defy her) abt 2 weeks ago we went to get food, now usually I order my food to make sure I get what I like and not have a mixup. And pls notice this was after a week long “vacation” that ended up being stressful and draining. But anyways there was a mixup and I ended up with a burger with all toppings instead of plain, which caused me to panic because I was hungry and stressed before already. And instead of trying to accommodate she stood firm in her beliefs that I need to get over it and just eat the damn burger. And I heavily insisted on not eating it and eating the fries instead. After a argument (and at the instance of my grandma) she bought me another burger and while in line I told her outright that there are some things that I physically can't do or else they send me into a panic. She that said that she “gets that” but I don't have to act out In front of my grandma which she idolized. And now like I said with the whole start of school she's saying “it wont be your best years if you don't let it be your best years” but I don't think she understands that I don't know how to do that. I've moved around a lot and I've been made fun of a lot due to my interests, hobbies and simply just to be the clown. Most of the people I befriend end up getting annoyed or just keep me around until I say something that doesn't make me the dumb and “quirky” one. And like I said I suck at keeping contact and now everyone still has their old friend groups and mine just see me as a joke or weirdo now. Its stressing me out so much and its only been two days, hell yesterday I would have thrown up from the stress but because I was so stressed I didn't eat shit so I didn't throw up. School stresses me out so much it's unimaginable, its the people, the sounds, the halls, the fact that people won't leave you alone, someone always talking or screaming, just please shut the fuck up so I can learn and be out of here. And god its so fucking hard not feeling what everyone else around you feels. My moms getting upset at me for not wanting to go on the busses when I have gone on one and it left 20 fucking minutes from my house cus the lady was screaming and I got scared as was about to cry. And now she wants me to try again with kids I don't fucking know who some how don't know personal space or manners. And back to the emotions things, why the fuck don't I feel the same as them, god I feel so fucking robotic compared to my mother and everybody else but they also make me feel like a god damned mutt. On one hand they think it's weird that I don't want to talk or to Interact but somehow don't realize that it's their fault I don't want to, and on the other hand whenever I'm upset or angry and actually show it its MY fault. Because apparently since I'm the youngest of my family im supposed to have the personality of pinkie pie and I have no problems. And because I'm quiet, friendly or just shy and I'm supposed to control my emotions because I'm a “young lady”. I've tried talking to my mom about home school because my school has that as a option but she says that I can't hide when she's been doing that too. Sometimes I feel like she cares more for the happiness of those she wants to impress rather than that of her family. But god if all of life feels like this then count me out cus its too much to be alive right now. I think ima take a shot or three of night quill and hopefully sleep until ITs to late to go to school

Goodnight

[yuri-for-businesswomen]

hi again, I’m the anon who asked if I can ramble.

first off I just want to say thank you, you are very kind to each person who’s in your inbox and you are so incredibly smart. I wish you all the best in the upcoming year.

so, I have this problem - I get infatuated my men very quickly, even if I see them just one time and don’t talk to them. I’ve been in radical feminism for over 2 years now and thankfully, this problem has become less of a headache for me now. I’m very thankful to radfem for it. but still, just when I think I’m finally free from my obsession with guys, it starts again, every half a year or so. In summer I was obsessing with this one barista, I even initiated a conversation with him and asked for his number. I was very conflicted, because with a sober head I understood, that I don’t even like him. but it as a time when my dog died, I was highly apathetic and emotional. and I just kept fantasising about him.

and this is the core of the problem for me, I just keep imagining various romantic scenarios with guys. it started when I was an early teen. and the thing is, I don’t want to think about all that. I can’t seem to stop. it feels out of my control, it exhausts and haunts me, because who am I if I can’t even control my own thoughts ?? I don’t want to be romantically involved with these guys, but my brain seems to demand me I get infatuated with them.

and I’m getting reminded of that again, because there is again this one guy. also, so I don’t forget to mention. most of the time, the guys I’m getting obsessed over are ugly. like, literally. I’m seeing it with my sober head. but when I enter this state I don’t seem to notice it. I understand it’s because it feels safer this way, “crushing” on a guy who’s uglier.

I also understand partially where’s the root of a problem hides. I had an abusive and neglectful father. plus societal expectations. plus all of these romance movies and tropes, which most girls consume from an early stage of childhood. but I also had an abusive mother. and I don’t get this sort of thing with women. (Im bisexual). around a month ago I was questioning my bisexuality very hard, since I get so little crushes on women. but then I feel hard for one. It felt so freeing. finally getting real butterflies because of a real feeling towards a woman. not I man whom I imagined in my head. the thing is, I can’t even say I’m crushing hard on men. It doesn’t seem like a crush, it seems like an obsession.

I can’t even talk about it with my friends, since it seems batshit insane. but for these couple of days I had almost non stop intrusive romantic thoughts and imaginary scenarios with this one guy. and Jesus Christ, I’ve seen him for the second time yesterday, and I felt nothing towards him. but when I got home, the thoughts resumed. so much so that I didn’t know where to put myself. I even searched up his socials and thought of various plans of getting to talk to him more. but I don’t want to!!!! what the actual hell. I really don’t know how to stop it. these thoughts really plague my mind and scares me very much.

thank you again if you read all of that. you are a wonderful person.

hello, are you me?! it has gotten a bit better with age but i still get these weird obsessions (obsessions, not crushes as you fittingly put it) and start daydreaming about them meeting my parents and us marrying (i want neither of these things?!). im bisexual too and its more with men than women, i think for similar reasons as you, neglectful parents and being raised by the tv which promotes these (hetero) romantic ideas. the daydreaming doesnt bother me that much but i hate that i have issues acting normal around those people and also focus on my looks more. does it also lead to bad decisions? because if it doesnt i wouldnt worry too much about it. daydreaming can be comfort. looking up someones socials or asking for a number is also not that bad albeit i deeply understand it starts to get to you when you cant turn it off and it feels almost compulsory (had this too, i have concocted and partly realised some weird shenanigans to get closer to my obsession). since i really relate to this i can imagine you like me have made dumb and regretful decisions because of this in the past as you already sketched out.

how old are you? because for me it has definitely gotten better with age and also with dating more. i always felt like i was „behind“ my peers when it comes to being romantically involved with people and the older i got the less worried i was. radical feminism helped a lot too to see that this doesnt make me any less valuable. sorry im talking a lot about myself here but i just relate a lot! overall i dont think the obsessions are much to worry about but with everything you have shared i would say there are probably some deeper issues you have to work through (no shade the same applies to me). have you ever been in therapy or considered going? that might be a good start. and honestly talk to your friends about it. its not that weird! i have a friend who rejoices in my obsession stories and it has helped me feel better about it.

i hope this was any help to you, youre more than welcome to drop into my inbox again or send me a direct message!

[rouge-the-bat]

was tagged by @princesstokyomoon owo, thanks for taggin me :3

Rules: List your top 5 favorite shows and tag 5 people!

...can i just list yu yu hakusho 5 times LOL god i fucking love that anime so much ive been hyperfixated on ever since i first watched it a few years ago gkdbjfbf that said, biiig surprise what my number one is:

1. Yu Yu Hakusho ⭐️

THIS SHOW CHANGED MY BRAIN CHEMICALS. I CANT PROPERLY EXPRESS HOW MUCH I ABSOLUTELY FUCKING ADORE THIS CAST OF CHARACTERS. THAT LIL DUDE IN THE MIDDLE?? HIEI, THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, I ADORE HIM SO MUCH, HES SUCH A WONDERFUL CUTE TSUNDERE BASTARD. literally the main cast is full of characters with "contradicting" traits that just work SO WELL in making them interesting and fun

kuwabara (the one in blue) is a precious himbo, a very loud delinquent kid who loves to fight but has an honor code he will ALWAYS abide by and has a cute little kitten he adores!!!

yusuke (the one in green) is similarly a delinquent and, honestly, is more of an asshole LOL but he despite his rudeness he doesnt hesitate to put his life on the line for others!

hiei MY LOVE is The Edgy One and always acts like they rest in the group arent his friends but he always is there to help when hes needed and clearly worries for their safety 🥰 and he has a sister hes very sweet and protective over!!! and hes also just Full Of Trauma that i wont get into as more of his backstory is revealed later in the show. and hes just an absolute badass and really hot,,, (forces myself to move on or ill just ramble endlessly about him)

THEN theres hieis lover partner kurama (the red head, and my big kin!!!!), whos by far the sweetest of the 4, is a total mamas boy, BUT hes also a centuries old fox demon known for his thievery and cruelty and was changed when he was almost killed and had to transfer his soul into an unborn human child to stay alive, where his human mom's love changed him to be kinder :'3 (none of that is a spoiler really, this is info he literally states very soon after his introduction) but even though hes changed, hes still can be absolutely RUTHLESS to his enemies. even hiei states early on that he chose kurama as his partner because he wouldnt want him as an enemy

AHEM okay. thats enough rambling about my hyperfixation for now i think fhkzhfjd i probably wont be rambling much about the other ones i just really really REALLY love yyh

the rest arent really in any particular order, and imma put em under the cut!

2. My Hero Academia

i was biiig hyperfixated on this show for a while there, i just absolutely LOVE stories that explore the gray areas of things, so when this show gets into that sorta shit with the hero society its a BIG fave. plus the characters are really fun, todoroki is my fave hehe

3. She-ra (reboot)

another previous hyperfixation, i just really love these characters and honestly theyre so fun to ship in a big ol poly pile lol. tbh i miss being fixated on this one, i had sooo much fun with it ♡

4. Talentless Nana

this was a shorter hyperfixation, but MAN this show gave me EMOTIONS. i dont wanna say too much about it because i think its best to watch the first episode without knowing too much about it, but there is a BIG TWIST at the end of the first episode, and the "genre" of the show completely shifts for all of the episodes after it. if you like darker series, i def recommend this one :3 i just hope itll get more seasons!! but at least theres the manga to continue on with after the first season!

5. Avatar the Last Airbender

an absolute classic from my childhood ♡ itll always be one of my faves!! the characters, the story, the world, i love it so much !!! i still wish i could be a water or fire bender ^w^

honestly it feels weird not putting up a sonic show on here, but when i think about it i never was the biggest on the shows and have always been way more attached to the games canon. though sonic x is def still a classic from my childhood too owo

ah shit i was about to post this without tagging anyone i almost completely forgot HFKSHGK uhh ill tag @megalo-station @catfuyus @transgaykurama @mageofcolors @l-lawliets-pussy @yoko-kurama-the-sex-god (i did 1 over 5 bc im a rebel 😈 JFLZJF)

[tonycamonte]

actually freddie life update time ^__^

graduating hs this year (scary) + class started on tuesday ermm im still unemployed... um i went 2 the city just with my friend + nobody else for the first time 2 weeks ago (this sounds ridiculous but you have to understand its an hour and a half commute i live on an island + i cant drive lmao. im just a countryboyy) + she got mad at me because i was so bad at reading the bus schedules ❤️<- guy who has not taken a Big City bus in 11 years. what else i went to another party we had it in the middle of a provincial park and it sucked really bad so i left at 12 but everyone who stayed said it was more fun after that so whoopsie but idgaf it was lame. uhhh i wanted to be in earth science but i ended up in environmental science instead and it was realllly annoying (my teacher was weird + a specific type of hippie i dont really like And it was right after genocide studies so kind of two downers in a row. also she made us watch prince ea videos) so i got my counselor to change me into philosophy 12 but now i regret it because its too hard -__- so that was not smart but whatever. also ive been kind of slightly inactive but for like no reason i just dont feel like it. anyway my best friend came back from the camp she worked at all summer + its bumming me out because i didnt see her + everything + she is always talkin about how she likes her camp friends more than her friends here and its like damaging my fragile little ego............ and i dont have any classes with anyone i know and im LONELY. im so lonely you guys how am i going to survive the rest of my life without my three friends ive had since the dawn of time but also i believe in myself 🕊️ and my best friends are also kind of mean but its like whatever theyre all moving out in 5 to 12 months and theyll all be either in the city or literally on the other side of the planet. supposedly. this was so miserable sorry i am actually doing really good i got into the culinary arts program again + its so fun i love the chefs like our head chef is like top ten people ive ever met in my life hes soooo nice. + i have my favourite english teacher next semester so awesome because i thought id never have him again because i was so incredibly annoying to him in 9th grade. + im smarter now + like marginally more committed to school so maybe i can write an essay that doesnt suck ass this time ! what elseee i graduated french immersion + next year at some point im going to quebec + the us east coast because ive only been to california washington oregon + idaho and im like a fake fan. of the united states of america. also ive never been to another canadian province so really im more a fake fan of canada but thats ok by me. also i have been writing more and im having fun. OKAY THATS ALL I LOVE YOU FOREVER ESPECIALLY IF YOU READ THIS GOOBYE !!!!!

[nokiareptilestonaniteandlumen]

Dear Readers, How's it going? Good, I hope. 

For the last 6 months I’ve been keeping my eyes peeled for anything AI related that I could understand, and today, I’m finally going to weigh in on Sam Altman’s brainchild, ChatGPT.

First disclaimer, I’m not a professor, nor an expert. Nowhere near it and since I started this blog about 1 year ago, I have been pursuing a career in tech, so I’m a noobie. I thought I’d go down the rabbit hole of neural networks because lots of experts are hinting towards it as the future. With a formal education in communications from the Univ of Tenn @Chatt, I know enough about research, media, and business to be dangerous. Second disclaimer, since this new wave of tech was recently released, I have had the pleasure of picking at it abroad, therefore in two different languages (3 if you count Wolfram, a computational language). My research will be presented at the bottom, however, I mainly relied on 2 sources because I simply preferred their direct approaches. Warning - were about to get into the weeds, ***obligatory gulp of coffee***

First was an interview conducted by The New Yorker. In my intro I asked you guys, “How’s it going?” I bet you didn’t answer like ChatGPT, “ As a language model, I do not have the ability to experience or do anything. Is there anything else I can assist you with?” You probably sound more like this, “I’m fine, thanks.” Quite the different approach, but exactly the same as Siri. This is important because it is how we differentiate chat bots from humans. Which leads to the second question - why is it that you are a you then if you aren’t a sentient being? This makes me think of men and their cars. For me, I have only talked to a car to pep talk it into making it to the next gas station. You spend your good and bad times with your car. When you aren't a grease monkey/mechanic and she makes a weird noise or doesn't do what you want, people resort to talking to it and make loosely based comments based on these behaviors sometimes to appease it or treat it. We could go further with the similarities of these relationships, but the analogy screeches to a halt because cars don’t talk back, unless you're Chuck Norris.

Back to the interview, the answer it gives is interesting albeit creepy. It says it’s for you (the user) to feel more natural. Evidently, our brains aren’t wired to speak to AI. But it’s this inauspicious start that sets the mood for the article and makes the AI seem unsettling at the least and perhaps a little manipulative.

My research then went to the tech side from watching Stephan Wolfram do a 1-hour breakdown on his blog that I think is worth checking out. If you’re in a hurry, I have taken my time to bring you my highlights. His perspective is one of greatness, as a CEO of an eponymous research company, and a neural network researcher.

I wanted to learn how the technology works and be able to explain it in broad terms before testing or adapting to everyday life. Like in life, it’s always best to gain knowledge of something foreign, before blindly collaborating with or passing away precious past time with it. This topic was different than most. It was hard to read about on platforms like Twitter. These sites thrive off of outrage, I was coming to this conclusion after laboring through posts that only boiled down to shock value. Or as the writer, Bounthavy Suvilay (Indie Games 2) aptly puts it, (they) ‘only benefit social media networks by keeping their users captive in a heightened emotional state’. I’ll add to this, they are a great place to find pessimism as compelling as it is obscure.

So what is it? ChatGPT is based on the fact that there is regularity in the English language, and it may be even deeper than we thought, it  takes this structure (grammar, literary tools,etc.) and assimilates what we know. As you know its goal is to complete your text, but it does this by taking everything it’s dealing with and grounds it up to numbers called weights as opposed to a computer which operates in 1s and 0s.

After this, the AI uses what it knows about the English language and returns (at a rate of 1 word at a time) the outcome and that’s as far as I can understand technically. Again I’m not a computer scientist so I’ll stop there and leave you with the quote, “the simplest answer is usually most likely the correct one”. What is it with ChatGPT’s super celebrity status though, why are so many people becoming users? Its wild success in the short time it’s been available makes apps like Instagram seem novel. I don’t get it. But I was obsessesd with the movie Phenomenon featuring the John Travolta. Is it the ol saying if it’s free it’s for me… Most of the internet world can speak or understand the English language. This might be a helpful start.

Back to Wolfram, in the Q&A portion of his blog, I loved how he wistfully entices his audience by flaunting his 45 years of expertise casually stoking the fire of the deeptech industry, which has been around for years. Experts consider 2012 a milestone when Googlex found it possible to train and use deep neural nets. Concentrating on ChatGPT, it's not only scraping the internet, it’s picking up regularity in the way humans speak/write similar to how we learn. But some aspects may be deeper and it’s likely picking up haptics from a space where we have yet to be able to artificially describe. Maybe that last part is a stretch and unprovable, but may be as the tech inevitably progresses. In the end, Wolfram draws parallels with other aspects of biology and says in theory these features can be attributed to other animals. He was vague but sounds a little like Dr. Doolittle to me.

On this animal topic, let’s take a dog, any kind, your family pet, a sheep dog, or even a police dog. According to Meta’s chief AI scientist Yann LeCun, ChatGPT in its current evolutionary stage resembles a canine, and it will take the next 30 years to reach human intelligence.

But back to my question, what makes this app different? My take is when people seek new toys/games/etc., especially ones that try to fool the brain, we get this stubborn and relentless urge to test its limits until one is fulfilled. And in this respect, ChatGPT has passed with flying colors. If you have tried the app, take the example of ‘tokens’. OpenAI engineers are like “the house” in a casino except instead of cards they deal in workability, the game is how closely can their ‘tokens’ work to sound like logically sounding answers according to human’s current understanding of the topic. This token can be reinserted into this neural net until one’s tiny heart is desired, at the same time the next prompt is fed back into the machine working in its favor as feedback. Until, you can no longer trace the token back to its original form — meaning you cannot ever truly arrive at a perfect answer. The boundaries are also limited by how many tokens can be used. And to reduce server usage, OpenAI started limiting tokens.

I don't want to mince words, but they haven’t sold me on it. I decided to learn about it before trying, and I’m glad I did. They essentially released the beta to collect data, but that’s not why I turn up my nose. It’s my background in sales, I have to be sold on stuff before buying it/using it. And frankly, the world obsessing over something is not enough to interest me. The pessimist in me still strives to find utility. For now I’ll stick with Google. I know it’s different and old skool, but in the end they use algorithms that take your words, or what ChatGPT refers to as prompts and quickly lead you to an answer that still satisfies my little heart.

I really loved the spirit of how creatives saw the utility in strong-arming sucky machines with it. I’m referring to this Foxbusiness.com article where it tricked a task rabbit by playing a person who is blind in order to forgo a CAPTCHA. Sounds like a wee-bit Black Mirror, duuuude. I had to investigate further on the subject to find out visually impaired are truly struggling with CAPTCHA. Something I never thought about. I then uncovered some even cooler news. This minority who has trouble seeing can now use ChatGPT to ID things in photos. Side note: what a terrible security system CAPTCHA is. I’d argue this invention is as annoying as the pop-up.

Also, I want to address people profiting from AI-written books by selling them via sites like Amazon. I doubt these guys are actually making money, if so awesome, but as someone who reads I don’t buy it. From a Reddit thread on the other hand, I learned that video game devs are using the LLM to write code. However, it is uber specific code in the video game engine Unity. In fact, it helped code blades of grass to appear more realistic. You can’t just write into the prompt code grass moving and basta! The coder is already skilled and delegates tasks to the AI to save time.

In the end we will undoubtedly come up short in fixing all of society’s problems via using it in its current form, and like most tech advancements, they will likely aid in generating wealth for Big Tech. Speaking of, Reddit is now being hijacked by its most popular mods and (***puts on tinfoil hat***) to my belief, it might have something to do with pressure created from companies like OpenAI's. Why? The threatening of ad revenue perhaps, why sift through hundreds of Reddit comments threads when the machine does it for you. More specifically ChatGPT's operation depends on ‘terabytes of books and Reddit posts, virtually all of Wikipedia and Twitter, and other vast repositories of words’, according to The New Yorker, or as Wolfram estimates ‘a trillion-ish words of texts’ are at its disposal.

Speaking of disposal, let’s not get started on its environmental impact. As I painstakingly try to sort my trash from recycling, ChatGPT servers are sitting in an air-conditioned warehouse 'plagiarizing (sic) essays, sending flowery emails and asking if God exists,' says Aisling Ní ChúláinNo’s (euronews.com article).

At last, we all know when it comes to freemium software or ones being sold for a loss, it’s only the tip of the iceberg. ChatGPT at first seemed to me like a beefed up predictive text finding the most plausible of ways to explain ideas via language, but now I know its use is gaining potential and has a 30-year plan to take the world by storm. I’d like to push it further and interview an OpenAI employee next month.

 **RELATED FUTURE BLOGPOST lol ** - The new wave of enthusiasm for neural networks created by the release of ChatGPT appears promising for the future of big tech with its eco-friendly rating being harmful for its stakeholders.

SOURCES:

What is ChatGPT doing...and why does it work?

https://www.newyorker.com/news/the-new-yorker-interview/its-not-possible-for-me-to-feel-or-be-creepy-an-interview-with-chatgpt

Suvilay, Bounthavy. Indie Games 2. Portland, Oregon, Ablaze LLC, August 16, 2022

[bellalalawrites]

witnessing death:

it's been a long time coming *cue taylor swift's opening song for the eras tour* (i still can't move on, it's so magical. and yes, i just converted to become a Swiftie since Midnights released lol)

a heck alot of things had happened for the past few months. I have reached that 1 year mark of my first job (which I constantly vowed to myself that I wanna be here only for 6 months top... but look where we are now *sigh*), I have went to job interviews and failed also, I had my fits again and again when I thought I have been better, I started driving, went to staycation with my best friends, consistently committed to therapy (yay me) and recently... the passing of my beloved one.

not sure whether I have grieved well or I haven't grief at all, or just that I have turn into *real adult* that I didn't cry as much as 4 years ago... but this is definitely a weird thing. I thought I would be sad. I was sad. when I first heard nenek pengsan, the anxiety button is triggered. I haven't seen her in a long time. How should I live if she passed? I'm not ready to say goodbye. she's the only living grandparent I have atm. I'm not married yet, she shouldn't go so fast. I cried and shivered at all of the possible thoughts.

when the whole chaos happened, from the moment I got a call from my cousin and my aunty crying asking my mom to come back home, all I can think of is dejavu. Like how my late Atuk passed. 6am received a call and I looked at how my mom cried - she never cries.

4 years ago was a very dark year. 2019. we got to know my father has stage 1 kidney cancer (i wasnt even sure whether it's malignant or not) and I took care of him for a whole 1 month of MC at home. that was in January. when he recovered, in April... his father (my late paternal grandfather) went into some heart procedure and passed away. we were informed through text message. I cried my balls out not because I was sad - but because I was thinking of how lonely my father is, both of his parents went away too soon.

then somewhere in june or july, my late grandaunt Umi passed. my mother nursed her for few weeks before at the hospital. 2 days before my birthday in October, my beloved cousin Nurul passed away after battling a long dreading sickness. I was devastated because I couldn't attend her funeral and send her away for the last time. Then in december, my late maternal grandfather passed away suddenly. it all happened in a blink of eye.

so when Nenek was lying on the hospital bed because of multiple organ failure due to severe septic shock, I was stunned. how come someone look so healthy a month ago became like this...state? she only looked healthy because of her energy, but she's also been sick for so long. for someone that had uncontrollable diabetes as nenek had, it is actually quite admirable that she can live long. allahuakbar. mostly I was surprised with myself because I didn't cry when others cried. I saw how my aunties and my mom comforted their dying mother. I saw how Nenek's chest waving and lungs cracking as she struggled to breathe. I saw how one by one people coming to her ears reciting prayers for her to be in peace. I saw how they're preparing themselves for the death. I was an observer, then and now.

I wanted her to wake up and see me, but also I wanted her to rest properly. it's sad really. nobody really saw this coming. it was a week before raya.......... and i really thought we could have raya this year. Nenek took her last breath on 3rd Syawal. I sent her away with much regret but also, relief that she's finally resting.

With all of these happening, im not sure how the adults are doing. Its not like I can ask, ma how you are doing? Damn, to be an Asian (or Malay). I believe that I couldnt be any sadder than the adults are. The adults are having it so much worse yet they could wear a pretend mask so maybe that's why I stopped myself from crying I guess? I just hope the adults can grieve as life goes on. I hate to see trauma dumping by gaslighting/guilt-tripping others just because they couldn't grieve well. But then again, what do I know on how to grief... when I myself couldn't get out of it yet...

anyways

Nenek, I'm sorry and I miss you. Very much.

[greensparty]

This Month in History - July Part 2

This month there are so many pop culture landmark anniversaries that I had to do 2 installments. For Part 1 read here. Here is This Month In History from July 16-31:

July 16, 1999: Eyes Wide Shut opens

In July 1999, Stanley Kubrick's final film was released. Here is my piece I wrote in 2014. Happy 25th EWS!

July 21, 1989: UHF opens

In July 1989, Weird Al Yankovic's comedy about an underdog UHF TV station opened. Here is my piece I wrote in 2014. Happy 35 UHF!

July 22, 2014: Alvvays released

In July 2014, the self-titled debut album from Alvvays was released. I've been lucky enough to cover this band's albums and concerts over the last 9 years. But this debut (my #31 album of the 2010s) spawned the near perfect single “Marry Me Archie”, my #3 Song of 2014 and one of the best of the 2010s.  In June 2015, I saw them live at Brighton Music Hall and was impressed by their dream-like sound. The band even signed my CD at the merch booth. This debut is the sound of dreamy indie poppers swinging for the fences in a big way. It still holds up! Happy 10 Alvvays!

July 25, 1989: Paul's Boutique released

In July 1989, The Beastie Boys' magnum opus was released. Here is my piece I wrote in 2019. Happy 35 PB!

July 26, 2019: Once Upon a Time in Hollywood opens

In July 2019, Quentin Tarantino's look at the changing Hollywood of 1969 opened. I saw this opening week and loved every minute of it! It's like it was tailor-made for a film geek like me. I named it my #1 Movie of 2019 and it made my #10 of the 2010s. Just a few weeks ago I spoke with co-star Nicholas Hammond at Super Megafest about this film. Happy 5 OUATIH!

July 27, 1979: The Amityville Horror opens

In July 1979, one of the earliest and scariest movies I went to see in the movie theater with my parents was released. Here is my piece I wrote in 2019. Happy 45th TAH!

July 27, 1984: Ride the Lightning released

In July 1984, Metallica's second album was released. It was a band refusing to fall into the sophomore slump! When I did my Top 5 Metallica Albums list last year, I ranked this at #4! Happy 40th RTL!

July 28, 2004: Garden State opens

In July 2004 the voice of 20-somethings at that time film was released. Here is my piece I wrote in 2019. Happy 20th GS!

July 30, 2004: The Manchurian Candidate opens

In July 2004, Jonathan Demme's remake of The Manchurian Candidate was released. This is truly an underrated remake. When it came out it was updated to be about a Gulf War vet and a multinational company. It kind of got lost in the Summer movie shuffle, but over the last few years there's been some revisionist takes on it saying how ahead of its time this was and how amazing it was that in an election year, this slipped through the cracks of a major studio to make a movie with obvious references to Cheney and Halliburton. I picked it up on blu-ray a few years ago and it is actually a very smart paranoid political thriller. Demme was being underestimated since his last film was also a remake (The Truth About Charlie, an update to Charade). But as always Demme delivered! Worth revisiting. Happy 20th TMC!

[theblazewolf]

Blaze Midyear Evaluation 2024

Alright its the middle of the year. Let's discuss somethings to clarify how I want to plan out the next few months in this rare Official Blaze Silverwolf Blogpost™ where I'll give a short introduction about myself to new followers, discuss my art goals, and what I'll do with my current posting manners.

Blaze 101 A comprehensive repost of a tweet I made a few days ago, here’s a short intro and the websites that I frequent.

I’m Blaze, old enough to exist. A furry artist in law school too. Weird huh?

My main hobbies include playing games like Cities Skylines 2, Guild Wars 2, and Fortnite, playing instruments, and drawing. I’ve been at it for 10 years and currently looking for ways to tell stories through other mediums.

Not all my art is being posted on twitter though! I’ve been posting my art on other sites for archiving reasons or because twitter recently has been on a downturn.

deviantArt, for art posted from 2014 until May 5, 2024.

Cara, for all art posted starting 2024.

Tumblr, for art posted from 2015.

I also hang around bluesky, and have been tending to use that for a while now as a main social media site. Just like a sticky situation, my time is divided between the two. But (as much as possible), the silly text posts on bluesky get mirrored over to twitter (or the other way around). This ensures you all get the best “blazexp” ever.

You won’t have to wonder what username to find for those sites, since I use only one username: itsdablazewolf

For those who want to get pinged every time I post art, I also have my discord server and my telegram channel.

You can find the links to those at the front page of my carrd here: https://itsdablazewolf.carrd.co/

Current art goals Off to the subject matter of this post, recently been in a (forced) state of reflection. Recently I’ve been posting finished poses once a week. This was to keep an online presence at the same time trying to keep some standard of quality I’ve been satisfied with. For the past few days, I feel like my art could be pulled up a little bit higher.

Ok, it's hard to put that feeling into words, so I’ll take a chart from the internet.

https://www.deviantart.com/shattered-earth/art/Art-Cycle-329593292

Here I am. I'm on an “art low”! This means I see things in my art which were once perfect, but now sees them as an opportunity to learn from and improve more. (Something something anatomy… perspective… things I keep putting off because I’m too scared to get through lol)

There is an inspiration board just floating around for me and my artistic endeavors and I believe it is time for me to hunker down and focus on improving instead of finding ideas, half-making paintings, just to post something every week. Yall can handle me slowing down on finished pieces right? Right? :)

Once-a-week posting This means that the sacred time of posting on Sunday (Philippine 🇵🇭 time) will be adjusted. Won’t be posting finished pieces as much while I try to learn the tips and tricks of making better art. Think of it like I'm going to school and social media (specifically, posting finished art pieces) is at a lower priority right now.

So please expect less background pieces and more chicken scratchy drawings for now. Occasionally some pretty finished work will pop out now and then, but I don’t want to get ahead of myself. Think of it like a house renovation. You can still use the house, there will be some growing pains and ugly spots. But when its finished, it’ll look a lot better for the long term (hopefully!)

Tl;dr - Blaze is going to focus on learning how to improve art over creating art for social media. 

This has already happened before, but this is the first time I’ve explicitly announced it.

Commissions? I will try to open commissions before my semester resumes. It's a goal this summer to get through one batch of commissions. Price point will still be the same, and slots will probably be around 3-4. Lets see!

Tl;drs Hi im blaze.

I have art goals. I will pursue these art goals over posting art like before. I will also open commissions before my semester starts.

Ok bye :D

[subwaystopofhell]

random facts abt me cause i feel like info dumping:

-i was so blonde as a child. so so blonde. then i dyed my hair teal during quarantine and when we went to do the cover-up, my hair starting growing in a *lot* darker.

-i’ve only ever had 2 nicknames in my life: kk, by my immediate family since my real name is way too difficult for my toddler sister to pronounce and kiki by volleyball friends even though only one person calls me that now (hi sammy ily) speaking of which i also played volleyball for 5 years at club level before a coach killed my love for it and also back problems

-my favorite colors are black and silver but i also love wearing navy, grey and red

-my favorite shows are a hot mess of different things: lockwood and co, criminal minds and soul eater but they all share that kind of creepy-comfort vibe i love so much

-i’ve never been to a concert before but i have tickets to go see falling in reverse when they come to my city (and trust if olivia rodrigo does guts round 2 i’m selling my soul to get a ticket)

-while i’m not inherently religious (ex catholic lolol) i do like some aspects of spirituality and the innate power of the universe i just think it’s funky

-i am an eldest daughter (if literally nobody could tell somehow)

-i don’t *really* have a type but if they have nice arms, a good smile and are taller than me there’s a 98% chance i’ll fall in love. bonus points if he’s nerdy and/or has curly hair (can y’all tell why i got attached to george karim in the lockwood and co show?)

-i love creating things and making my own jewelry

-if i could describe my style coherently (trust i can’t) it would be something along the lines of “pop punk emo kid tuned down for the viewing pleasure of surrounding suburbia/convenience due to a constant state of mild exhaustion” - as much as i adore fashion all around i’ve always been drawn to alternative styles and darker colors (thank my parents for that) and as much as i would love to be a full on emo-alternative type - comfort plays a big role in what i wear lolol

-speaking of fashion i love the scene kid sub culture it’s my FAVORITE STYLE ITS SO FUN

-i’ve never been in a relationship and oh boy does it sting sometimes. i try not to think about it too much or else my heart feels weird and i get all sad and shit and it’s not fun

-speaking of which: i will only listen to sad music if i’m in a GREAT mood. i hate seeping in my negative emotions and if i’m sad i am immediately slapping myself across the face to try and make myself feel better because i learned a while ago that i can control my own happiness! woohoo!

-my favorite disney princess is anastasia from the 1997 animated movie but i also love ariel and the little mermaid

-i love live music. theater? amazing. choir? sign me up. band performances for my brother? i’ve already got a ticket in my hand and i’m shaking with excitement like a chihuahua. something about it sets my soul on fire in the best way possible

-aaaaaand the only reason i made a tumblr account was because a friend recommended it for fanfic but now i use it to shit post my random thoughts. also said friend is the only person i know irl who knows about this account LMFAOAO

ok i’m done time to pack

[sincelastsession]

I've missed telling you things. But I'm stoned and I honestly don't want to remember.

How are lobotomies these days? Can they sever instead of do a nerve block to my lizard brain that keeps screaming DANGER DANGER DANGER? Is this an option? Do I need that part of my brain?

Travis is getting his drummer friend to find me noise canceling 🎧

They asked how quiet I needed it to be.

I told Travis "I don't want to hear a bomb go off" "Deafen me bröther"

So maybe that will help.

My mom wants to go to lunch tomorrow and look at garden homes. 🙃 I am scared I'll lose my shit because she presses my buttons like only a mother can. Just huge trigger if she's not calm and patient with me. She just had a huge fight with me about how she didn't want Mexican food because the Guatemalan ppl can't cook...and was acting like a racist petulant child.

I convinced her to go to spoke and hub. Then she will have a new restaurant to hate on I guess.

I wish the chill part of me would take over tomorrow but I feel like it's gonna be the take no shit manager and firefighters. I don't want that to happen but it's like so second nature to react to crap.

Yeah a nerve block sounds FANTASTIC

Honestly I'm constantly taking a leftover Adderall for a future session so you can see the difference and God maybe we can write a letter to the medical board and maybe my psychiatrist can just continue to write it. I only take 5mg max a day split up into 2.5mg doses...so I really don't see how taking that during the day with my xanax daily meds that oddly don't conflict and then just smoke my weed before bed.

But the problem is its 3 substances that are usually never prescribed together. They just happen to be the best combo for me and I'm a different person on it. I can hold a conversation.

Maybe the medical board would approve it if I could state my case and show them the difference?

Idk I just miss when I was a more functional person.

I have agoraphobia so bad some days I literally cry by my door because I can't leave.

But other days I want to go wandering around by myself in the woods.

I feel like a guy sometimes like that's weird because I do identify as female but yeah get moments of feeling like a man...I feel like I could maybe draw what the parts of me look like in minds eye.

Sometimes I feel like a small Asian woman like on kdramas and that's also odd.

Sometimes my little side pops out when I see cute things.

Sometimes a gruff dad.

Sometimes me at 16

And I'm sure there's more.

But idk if I'm me or if I'm somewhere else hidden

I say little me I don't mean inner child

My inner child doesn't feel there.

Honestly Joshua if I could afford it I'd see an emdr therapist in Lafayette and I'd make the weekly drive. I'd also see if hypnosis therapist would work. I would build an army to help me.

You aren't doing a bad job. I however haven't seen anything in my email you said you'd send and I'm not happy abt it but I'm sure since you are human you got busy

I do wish they had a manual for neurodivergent ppl and autistic ppl that translated what neurotypical ppl mean and tips and tricks on how to communicate with them.

They always think I'm fighting with em.

I hate one people call me negative. I mean I'm sorry I've been dealing with trauma since I was 2 years old so it's very hard for me to see the positives and it's not for lack of trying.

If I'd given up on getting better I'd have quit therapy years ago.

I feel like I could easily get a social work degree but it's not something I want to do as a profession. I mean do some LCSW just take like easier cases with big idiots that just need to be told to go ground and touch grass? (Joke) but no I mean I assume there's some easier clients is all.

I really don't find Myself to be a negative person I Find Myself to be a realist and I also Find Myself to be sort of a cynic and an absurdist. I do like philosophy but I do not like it enough to study it as much as other people get into it I do go down rabbit holes

I mean not only is my interest that is special and medical but I do like lots of other things it's just been had to be primarily focused in medical so I didn't get missed diagnosed and almost fucking die again because nobody likes that

It's aggravating to be your own advocate in the medical world Like it's really a big pain in the ass to fight doctors and nurses and people that do not know what they are talking about and I do not ever mean to sound egotistical but a lot of people mistake me talking like this for that

Like currently my rheumatologist is seeing a friend of mine that has a disorder that is very similar to what I had growing up and the woman is having a reaction to the method track state and I keep telling her to call our rheumatologist and go to the ER but the woman says that our rheumatologist said that's normal and I know damn well it's not normal and she's gonna end up in the ER somewhere or another and it makes me feel like an old retired charge nurse even though I'm not even old enough to be one of those sassy old charge nurses.

The funny thing is my mother is a charge nurse but she doesn't exactly act like one because she also has to make drama and play the victim.

I mean I really can't believe that she's trying to get my sister hooked up with medical marijuana right now

My sister already relies on street Marijuana that could possibly be laced and smokes it constantly all day every day

I mean honestly I sound like a giant hypocrite because I'm stoned right now but I don't smoke as much as her I used to smoke as much as her if not more and I got to a point where I could not get stoned anymore and I decided to quit until I had pain issues again and so now I'm having to legally medicate and that's pretty weird feeling when a couple of years ago you could have gotten arrested and it's weird having to convert the Scared emotions about taking my medicine into positive emotions about taking my medicine because I still get nervous when I'm about to smoke like I'm about to get caught.

I suppose you can say it similar to the feeling of walking out of a store and feeling like they're gonna stop you for shop lifting even though you didn't do anything

I have very intrusive thoughts like that all the time and I assume it's part of my o CD but it's really annoying and usually when I take my Adderall it goes away completely but I can't take it and it's pointless to take it because I only have a few left in the fucking bottle and the medical board won't allow me to have that prescribed and it's stupid bullshit and politics and the health care system for mental health is completely fucked and I've known this since I was a child And I don't even know if there's a way to fix it anymore honestly because they have screwed it so bad

I really wish that I could have made my goal make my brain better and then make me an independent and knowledgeable enough to live on my own without the help of others without my parents finances and So that I might travel or move elsewhere because I get so stir crazy but I've been stuck inside and helicopter and micro managed and harassed and terrorized and fucking abused for so long that it's scary to go places because I feel like I'm going to get in trouble for everything I do

I feel like I'm going to get in trouble if I breathe too loud

I mean I'm sure I could give you more examples because like sometimes I really do think that something takes me over and talks for me because I don't understand how else I would even function enough to communicate with other people with the insane amount of shit that has happened to me. I mean I still have things in my memory bank that are foggy and behind. closed doors. It sucks that I keep remembering things because it's the time where my brain feels safest to finally be able to understand what happened to me and stuff because I know it protected me a lot as a child and it's really weird that I just have all negative memories and only little glimmers of good things I really don't remember a lot of the good things my parents said that they did for me I don't remember a lot of experiences I've been told that I've had that were good. And you know that a lot of people have blamed on medications that I take but I have never had any memory issues due to this particular medication that I'm on that I have been on for a long time it has not really changed anything in that regard. The other ones however did fuck with my head like that.

There is something terribly wrong with my father mentally and I really would love to get him help but I don't know how to do that without it affecting my life in a major way and I don't know if I could handle another major life change without absolutely losing my shit

[deedoessurvies]

two

When was the last time you read a whole book, to the last page exactly? Im doing that today. my last one has been since like november which is wild. ive just been so busy.

How many times have you had sex within the past two years? Guesstimate? Zero. close but zero.

When was the last time you made up a word? Did people think it was weird? i make up sayings often but they arent necessarily a made up word.

How many times in a month do you go to the movies? How much do you spend? when dating Z its like 2-3x a month.

What is one of those movies that you could never get tired of watching? sleepless in seattle, you've got mail, something borrowed, maid of honor, pride & prejudice

When was the last time you heard thunder? Where were you at anyway? here and a couple months ago. we are very close to rain season

Have you ever begged the opposite sex for anything at all? not that i can recall.

Are there many places to shop in the town you live in? What kinds? my town is small.. there are places to shop like grocery stores and small businesses. theres a habitat for humanity store, a military supply store, uhhh beauty stores, stuff like that.

When was the last time you bought shoes? What do they look like? I bought FRYE boots !!!!!! grandma would be so dang proud. I hope she sees this somehow haha. i got them in january some time.

Do you like surveys with really in-depth questions, like mine? Yeah.i wish there were more.

When was the last time you were in trouble with your parents? im in my 30s so it doesnt really work that way anymore.

Has your boyfriend or girlfriend ever cheated on you? Were you mad or sad? cheating sucks period. just break up with the person.

Do you know anyone who claims to have the ability to see the future? uhhhhh OH funny mini story. so sometimes K will send me letters in the mail. but i guess sometimes his handwriting for my street name is blurred so when that happens it gets sent to this chick like 4 blocks away. anywho, she LEGIT admitted to reading a letter of mine one time (wtf) and she basically fell in love with K for the things he was saying and when she reached out to me on FB to get me the letter, she was like omg i love him, you need to forgive him, yadda yadda. then later on she reached out to me and was like I can read your tarot cards and read your palms and stuff if you want! (wtf) lol

Are you a superstitious person? Have you ever been superstitious before? no.

Do you like any songs from country music? If so, which ones do you like? i love country songs. hundreds and hundreds.

Can people read your facial expressions easily? If so, why is this? typically no, im pretty good at hiding my emotions. not saying that in a proud way, because obviously it is good to feel your feels (within reason right) but nah

When was the last time you went on vacation? Where did you go to? uhhhhhhh golly. over the summer i went to Tennessee so theres that. How many states have you been to in your lifetime? Guesstimate if not sure. i think 26.

When you go to the movies, do you actually watch the movies or not? Oh i watch them. i dont think ive ever not watched them unless its obscenely gory and then ill just close my eyes or something.

What kind of instant messaging service do you use? Why do you use this? usually just messages on my phone. sometimes messenger, google chat, or whatsapp

When was the last time your area had a tornado warning, if ever? last summer.

Have you ever had one of those major fights with your current bf/gf? im currently single. was almost taken but that blew up over distance. i am so over distance.

Does it ever bother you when people use abbreviations for certain words? i very seldom care about the way people type.

Would it creep you out if you walked in on your best friend having sex? creep? no. would i be like SO embarrassed, yes but would i move on from it probably. lol. its natural, whatever.

When was the last time you said ‘I love you?’ Who did you say it to? romantically? C and i say it a lot to one another.

Do you have any of those freaky phobias that make no sense at all? my phobia makes sense.

Do you ever look at random people and think they could be a serial killer? >> YES. when I swipe on dating profiles im like "you have the look of someone who would happily skin another person" lol

Does it scare you when the sky gets really cloudy and dark during the day? no i LOVE IT. give me the clouds, gimme the stormy skies.

What was the last amusement park you went to? Did you have fun? busch gardens. yes, its just so daaaaaaaang hot.

[lifejourn89]

Journal Entry 1

Not sure what I want to say here... I haven't journaled regularly in an extremely long time so I decided to utilize tumblr as a new space to renew that habit. It's perfect for it and I don't have to be intimidated by pen and paper (which are daunting tools to use for two reasons: Shame and guilt for not screenwriting/journaling more up to this point, and avoiding a pattern of failure with reading. I know journaling isn't reading but the fact that it involves paper has created some weird psychological link between the two activities). Anyway, the last time I posted was a couple of years ago. I had just experienced my first manic episode and lost a wonderful love, and some close friends along the way. I'm fortunate that I still have some people in my life from that period who understand that behavior caused by bipolar mania isn't an indicator of character, but rather a symptom of illness that can be remedied with proper treatment. So what does my life look like now? I was rehired by Tesla as a solar installer, and have been working full-time for them for almost two years at this point. I started dating someone a little over three months ago... that's been interesting due to the fact that its an open relationship, (not my preference). Pretty sure I'm not gonna stay with her forever because of that, but its ok for now, and we're compatible in almost every other way. My main goals in life right now are as follows:

1) Find a healthy, monogamous relationship with potential for marriage.

2) Find a used car that I can afford by March 2024. Mine is on its last leg.

3) Move into my own apartment (I'm 34 and have never been able to afford to live alone until now. I need it so badly, especially being an introvert.)

4) Study for and pass the NABCEP PVDS Exam, thereby earning the NABCEP PVDS Certification

5) Get a job designing residential PV systems

6) Begin freelance videography business in my free time as a side hustle.

I only list these goals as a reminder to myself, and also for context for what I'm about to get into. I've not been pursuing any of them besides the car. Mainly because I don't want to waste my time and energy pursuing other goals because my current living situation isn't conducive to successfully doing that. Believe me, I've tried, and failed, many times, and am sick of the wasted effort. It won't be until I have my own space that I'll feel free enough and focused enough to pursue these things with confidence. I do have a plan and the car is the first priority since I have to be able to reliably and comfortably get to work/around town. Next will be the new apartment. I've got money for the down payment on the car... just have to get my credit up by about 100 points to get a good loan rate. So I am making progress. But it's so slow going. I'm content to be in this less-than-ideal life space right now because it's the best I can realistically do. So there you have it - the State of the Adam, 2023.

[fantasyfantasygames]

Seven Hundred Signs

The Seven Hundred Signs of the Unseen, Alice White, 2013

Alice White is quite the multi-talented individual. She's a solid game designer, and writes clearly, but her main skill is as an artist. Seven Hundred Signs puts her creative talents front and center.

The game's core conceit is that there is a hidden world layered beneath our own, "the Unseen", with magical conspiracies, invisible portals, impossible buildings, astral technologies, etc. People disappear from our world and end up trapped in an in-between state, from which they eventually escape. The way in which they escape - ripping, bargaining, squeezing, etc. - sets their character type. That's Session 0. After that the game revolves around various major factions and their quests for worldly power, often by acquiring magical power.

You've heard this setting's story before, but that doesn't make it bad. It just means that you can take bits and pieces from Unknown Armies, Delta Green, Over the Edge, Mage: The Awakening, Underground, Living Prism, Kingdom of Nothing, JAGS Wonderland, Night's Black Agents, ConX, Nahual, and more and they'll all fit in your game without too much extra work.

The mechanics are taken from Exacting Calibration, a 4000-word game in the same lineage as Snow & Silence. It uses a deck of playing cards that you write on and alter as the game goes on, a little like "legacy"-style board games. Your character might want there to be more 3s in the deck, for instance, because one of their powers triggers when a 3 comes up, so they might quest for the ability to add an extra diamond to the 2 of diamonds. Or you can place special sigils on cards, which lets you reduce ill effects or trigger critical successes and unseen power surges. It's a fairly slow progression, but by the end of the game the deck is pretty literally stacked in your favor. Balance is not necessarily great. The number of people playing also has a major effect on the odds of a particular card coming up. We'll eventually see those kinks get ironed out in Break of Night (2021), but for now it's still a bit wonky.

The game really shines in its layout and artwork. Full-color two-page spreads are common. Text is placed where it reads clearly, without trying to get too clever about it. On pages that are mostly text, there's still always at least one piece of art - things like a character walking past a streetlight in a bottom corner, or a monster creeping out of the seam in the center of the book.

Two intertwined stories run through the book's art: one of redemption, one of corruption. Different factions have their own subtle color themes. That makes for a really cool moment when the color of someone's wallet makes you realize that they've switched sides. The Unseen is painted in a hyperreal fashion that contrasts with the more typical painting style of the Common World (our world) in a way that makes it feel more real and more important.

There's a little bit of weirdness in the specific conspiracies - some of them are connected to real-world antisemitism and pseudoscience - but it seems like Alice was genuinely unaware of that at the time she wrote the game. Ten years ago I would not have possibly guessed that lizard people theories, of all things, are connected to antisemitism... but it turns out that if you dig deep enough in almost any conspiracy theory, someone starts spouting off about "Elders of Zion" and it alllll rolls downhill. Anyway, like I said, it doesn't seem to be intentional here, and the setting is modular enough that you can remove the problematic elements.

Seven Hundred Signs was expensive when it was first published, and it's only become more so since then. Your best bet may actually be the art book section of a used bookstore. Alice left the RPG scene for computer game visual design back in '15.

[thetoxicgamer]

‘Everything Feels Different’: Tenz Explains How VALORANT Plays on Lan

The third season of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 must be successful when it debuts next month because the game's fan base is growing more irate than usual about the state of the most recent CoD. On May 30, 2021, Sentinels took home the first international VALORANT tournament with minuscule ping, VCT Stage Two Masters Reykjavík. During the in-person event, Tyson “TenZ” Ngo received MVP honors for the grand finals, a 3-0 sweep of Fnatic that capped off a perfect 9-0 map run by Sentinels. TenZ was unstoppable in his first VCT LAN experience—a dream-like feeling that, in typical professional gamer fashion, was lost almost immediately after the event passed. Starting with the inaugural VCT Americas split, the trials and tribulations of online qualifier matches will officially be obsolete for the region’s best talents as the 10 partner teams will engage in at least eight straight weeks of LAN competition. With plenty of on-stage matches on the horizon, TenZ spoke to Dot Esports to explain just how different everything feels while playing VALORANT on LAN. “VALORANT feels amazing on LAN,” TenZ said. “I played with really bad internet when I first played, so it was weird.” Prior to competing on LAN with Sentinels for the first time in Reykjavík two years ago, TenZ notably played his VCT 2021 Stage One and Two matches from Canada. Having now played in four more LANs since Masters Reykjavík, TenZ said he thinks playing online matches on bad ping truly affected the way he had to approach the game at the time. “I had to develop a style where I was constantly peeking everything and so that’s why you saw me overheat a lot,” TenZ said. “I do think my overheating has gone down a lot. Like a lot, a lot.” Having to be unjustifiably aggressive isn’t the only issue that seems to stem from playing on bad ping. From peeker’s advantage making it not ideal to hold angles to the Phantom feeling much less accurate than its “laser gun” self on LAN, there are a number of common beliefs that VALORANT pros have long attested to when it comes to describing the game’s typical online experience. TenZ emphasized that on LAN, his main takeaway is that the “crispy” responsiveness lets players feel “comfortable” holding angles. You don’t have to be the peeker to feel like you’re able to win the fight. In January 2022, TenZ moved to Los Angeles—a decision he followed through on three months before Riot Games officially announced its plans to replace its pseudo-open circuit with three partnered international leagues. Despite Texas being the place many North American VALORANT pros wanted to be stationed at the time for the ping advantage, rumors of a LAN-based league being located in LA were all that TenZ needed to make up his mind. “I’ve always had really bad internet, and so I was really excited hearing about the franchise thing,” TenZ said. “The reason why I moved to LA to begin with instead of moving to Texas was because I wanted to get accustomed to LA and then when came around, whether it was last year or this year, I wanted to get ready because I was really excited for it. I know they did it for League of Legends and so it’s just constant LAN matches, you get to see the crowd constantly. I think it’s amazing for both the teams, the fans. The environment is just all fun.” Read the full article