#;lonely god {joshua}

[thepixelelf]

ah! love

genres: married life au, family au, fluff, [best friends to lovers?] relationship: husbands 95 line x reader (feat. baby doremi line) words: 2.0k warnings and notes: coarse language. suggestive. the most self indulgent thing I've ever written; tropey, cringey, lovey dovey, I literally fought this fic while writing it and lost, no one look at me. I wanna write more of this au but will I? only god knows

ah! love masterlist

Seungcheol conducts a very serious interrogation.

"Okay," Seungcheol says with a tinge of authority once you've all sat down in the living room.

The boys are asleep in bed — finally, (you had to read Goodnight Moon twice just for Chan to let go of your hand, and had to give Seungkwan six forehead kisses goodnight, which of course you had to give Vernon and Chan too) — and Jeonghan has already tugged you to his side of the couch, playing with your fingers while he pretends to listen to Seungcheol's Dad Mode engaging. Joshua scoots along the cushions to press himself against your other side, and he crosses his arms as if none of you know he did that on purpose for your attention.

Seungcheol, on an armchair across from you, furrows his brow ever so slightly and holds all of you down with a firm stare.

"Who did it?"

You tilt your head. "Did what?"

Joshua steals your other hand.

"Who's swearing in front of the boys?" Seungcheol finally reveals, sending a pointed look at the husband on your left. "Jeonghan?"

"Me?" An exaggerated gasp leaves Jeonghan's lips as he puts a hand over his chest, then silently takes the opportunity to pull you onto his lap (and subsequently further from Joshua). He wraps his arms around your middle and rests his chin on your shoulder to send a pout towards Seungcheol. "I don't swear around the babies."

You reach out to take back Joshua's sad, lonely, abandoned, totally casual and not bothered at all hand, and he rubs his thumb over your knuckles.

"You know how hard Jeonghan works to use his good words when he's with the kids, Cheol," you defend. "He used to swear like a sailor, remember?"

"Oh, I remember." Seungcheol nods, then directs his gaze towards the husband on your right. "Anything to say?"

Joshua frowns, thinking. "Why do you think one of us is swearing around the boys?"

"Vernon's block tower toppled this morning, and you know what he said?"

You smile. "I can make an educated guess."

"He said, 'Oh fuck,' like it was nothing!" Seungcheol bursts out. "He was like, 'Oh fuck. Shit,' and I was literally just standing there like— like—!"

Unable to help yourself, you giggle at the image of your middle child swearing in that monotone, relaxed, and yet remarkably toddler-esque voice of his.

Jeonghan lifts his chin off your shoulder and presses a kiss to your cheek. "Sounds like something you would say."

"Who, me?!" you ask through more giggles. "I don't swear."

Joshua scoffs. He brings your hand up to his lips and speaks upon your skin. "You absolutely do. Back then I thought curses made up half of your vocabulary."

Your mouth drops open. "Wait, actually?"

"Being a parent has made you soft," Jeonghan adds, squeezing a hand at your side to make you squirm. "You seriously don't remember your prolific ways?"

"...Was it bad?"

Humming against your neck, Jeonghan presses one, two, three more kisses there. "I thought it was cute."

Joshua resituates himself so he's facing you and grazes his fingers up and down your arm. "So did I."

"Yah," Seungcheol says. Forgotten. Ignored. Annoyed. He leans back in the armchair, and his leg bounces in irritation. "I'm trying to have an adult conversation over here."

Jeonghan chuckles in your ear. Then kisses right behind it. "Okay," he tells Seungcheol, lifting one hand to lazily wave him off. "You stay over there then."

A hand touches your chin and tilts your head. "Look at me," Joshua whispers.

Seungcheol huffs, crossing his arms and sinking further into the chair. "I thought it was cute too..."

⭒-⭒-⭒

"Fucking... motherfucker cunt-faced shit-eating bitch of a... fuck!"

After hearing your ex's automated "I can't get to the phone right now" voicemail message for the fifth time in a row, you angrily threw your phone down. (Onto your soft bed, of course. You weren't made of money.)

"God damn it," you muttered, utterly frustrated.

The boys, sitting on your bed while you paced around your room, all shared a look with each other before facing you.

"Why are you trying to call this douche again?" Seungcheol asked, his stance on the asshole you were semi-dating clear.

"Yeah, didn't he cheat on you?" Joshua added.

Jeonghan nodded with a frown. "Shouldn't he be the one calling you? Begging for forgiveness like the loser he is?"

Rubbing your hands over your face, you let out a long, tired sigh. "I honestly don't care about an apology or begging for forgiveness or whatever from him. It was probably going to end sooner or later anyway."

The boys looked at each other again. They knew they didn't like the guy you were seeing, but since they also knew why they didn't like him, they never said anything. The fact that you seemed to think it was going to end even before the dickhead cheated? That, they didn't know.

Even though there was barely enough room, you flopped onto your bed face first, then shifted so you were on your back with a groan. "I just wanna call him, tell him I'm coming over, grab my things, and cut him out of my life for good."

"Is your stuff even worth it at this point?" Seungcheol poked a finger into your forehead, making you scrunch your face and swat his hand away. "I mean, it's just like, clothes and a toothbrush, right?"

Suddenly, you seemed much more shy than angry. You pulled the sleeves of your sweater over your hands and picked at a loose thread. "I like my stuff..."

"Nuh uh." Jeonghan leaned over you, his head upside down with your ceiling as a background. "You don't get worked up like this over clothes and a toothbrush. What'd you leave there?"

You shrank into yourself. "Nothing..."

"Suspicious..." Jeonghan said, then looked at Joshua.

Who went, "Very suspicious..."

"Seungcheol," Jeonghan ordered.

Before you knew it, your unfairly built-like-a-brick-shithouse friend had both your arms pinned to the bed, and Joshua had thrown his entire body over your legs like a six year old attempting to wrestle.

Jeonghan, with his free reign, yanked your sweater sleeve up your arm to reveal your empty wrist. "Aha! I knew you weren't wearing your bracelet!"

Joshua gasped, affronted, looking absolutely ridiculous draped over your legs. "You left your friendship bracelet at his dingy ass apartment???"

Ashamed and a little bit fight or flight, you struggled against your friends. "Okay, first of all! You wouldn't know if his apartment is dingy!" (It was.) "And second of all: I didn't leave it there! I just so happened to take it off the night before I figured out he was a cheating piece of shit, so excuse me for being out of sorts when I stormed off in my PJs with tears in my eyes!"

Your words set off an awkward silence, and you groaned, shutting your eyes so you didn't have to see the pitying looks on your friends' faces.

But they knew you, and they knew apologizing for someone they weren't wouldn't make you feel better.

Instead, Seungcheol asked, "Why'd you take the bracelet off?"

You peeked an eye open, frowning in retaliation — they were still holding you down. "I'll give you one guess."

Seungcheol immediately let go of your arms and put his hands in the air like he was at gunpoint. Jeonghan just chuckled, shaking his head.

Joshua, dramatic as fuck, rolled over so his back was practically crushing your stomach. "Ewwwwwwwww," he whined. "I do not want to hear about how this guy fucks."

Your hands freed, you shoved him off, but he just went boneless and slipped to your side. "When did you get it in your head that I'd tell you how he fucks?" You crossed your arms and sat up. "It just... felt weird wearing our friendship bracelet while I... you know."

Joshua grimaced. "I'll make you a new one."

"No!" you protested, causing them to all give you a look you didn't bother to interpret. "It won't be the same. You made the original four at the same time. Together." Unable to meet their eyes, you looked down. "It's important to me..."

Another silence greeted you, and you scrambled to switch up the mood.

"If only that fucker would answer his bitchass phone."

Jeonghan and Joshua blinked at you, but Seungcheol just chuckled. You looked up at him as he stood from the bed, walking over to where he'd draped his jacket over your chair.

"Where are you going?" you asked.

"We're going to his dingy ass apartment," Seungcheol explained casually, tossing you your coat as well. "He's the one choosing to not answer his phone. He shouldn't be surprised when we show up."

The other two stood up, and Joshua dragged you by the hand to join them.

Seungcheol twirled his car keys around his pointer finger. "Let's go get that bracelet back."

You beamed.

"Fuck yeah!"

⭒-⭒-⭒

Seungcheol, after only so many seconds of enduring seeing you like that on Jeonghan's lap and with Joshua's stupid lips on yours, of course, relents. "Don't leave me out," he mutters through the poutiest pout he can manage. He gets up, strides two steps across the living room, and looms above you, though you don't see him with your eyes that have drifted shut.

The remedy for that, of course, is to grab your chin and kiss you like it's the first time all over again.

You giggle into the kiss, and he smiles too, both of his hands floating up to cup your cheeks.

Thud.

Your lips pause, and your brows furrow at the sound. Seungcheol hardly notices, tilting his head to kiss you deeper, but—

Thud thud thudthudthudthud.

You open your eyes to see Vernon lying supine, starfished at the bottom of the stairs he just tumbled down as he silently regards the ceiling, and you push Seungcheol off like he doesn't weigh anything.

"Oh my god, Vernon!"

Jeonghan's groin becomes the next victim of your haste, him groaning in pain when you launch yourself off the couch to run over to Vernon. You fall to your knees beside him, looking at his face with wide eyes.

He simply blinks up at you, face void of emotion.

Until you ask, frantically, "Are you okay?"

Vernon blinks again, and he suddenly realizes, oh, this is when a normal human five year old would cry. So his face scrunches up, and tears well in his eyes, and he looks at you with the most hold me right now or the world is gonna end expression on his face that you can do nothing but sweep him up into your arms and hug him to your chest.

"It's okay baby, it's okay."

Jeonghan's voice makes you look up. "What are you guys doing out of bed?"

At the top of the stairs, Seungkwan has one hand tightly gripped on the handrail — he's seen the consequences of not holding it now — and the other around Chan's tiny fist, which is really not that much smaller than his. Your youngest shifts on his feet, mumbling, "G'night kiss..."

Seungkwan, ever the all-knowing older brother, clarifies for him. "We didn't give the moon a good night kiss."

Your mouth drops open, and you can't stop the slight laugh that comes out. Vernon sniffles and buries his face in your shoulder, his hands scrunching up the material of your shirt.

"No good night kiss to the moon?" Joshua repeats. He begins up the stairs and scoops up a sleepy Chan into his arms, resting him on his hip. "That won't do, will it?"

Seungcheol's already hoisted Seungkwan up when he says, "Let's go kiss the moon goodnight and then go back to bed, alright?'

Seungkwan leans his head on Seungcheol's shoulder and nods slowly.

While you bring up Vernon (who you're pretty sure is already asleep in your arms and drooling on your clothes), Jeonghan keeps his hand on your back, his thumb absentmindedly rubbing back and forth.

The boys have their own rooms, but for now, they all prefer sleeping together in Seungkwan's. The room in which Seungcheol, as soon as he walks in without turning on the lights because it's late, knocks over an intricately built Lego city.

"Oh, fuck," he lets slip as he struggles to stay upright, then gasps when he realizes what he said and goes, "Shit."

Jeonghan snorts. Joshua muffles a laugh in Chan's hair.

You smile at Seungcheol with all the love in the world.

"Guess that answers that."

[thewordfortheday]

Moses was dead. Joshua’s mentor for more than 40 years was no more. Joshua had to take up his responsibilities as leader of God’s people. It would be lonely and difficult. The Lord showed Joshua that his future and success did not depend on Moses. The man of God was dead, but the Lord Himself remained very near. God promised Joshua, “…as I was with Moses, so I will be with you.” Joshua 1:5 When you are lonely and discouraged, you are not alone. When you feel afraid, God is near. When the task ahead seems impossible, divine power will strengthen you. When you wonder what to do next, God’s Word will nourish and guide you. Jesus says, "Surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age” (Matthew 28:20).

[kaleldobrev]

A Small Part of You

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Fem!Reader

Summary: Although Dean is gone, at least you’ll always have a part of him

Word Count: 2.3k

Warnings: Descriptions of depression, Talks of death

Authors Note: Fic takes place between season 7 and season 8 | Flashbacks are in italics | THIS ONE IS A REAL TEARJERKER | Reader is 21+ | If you liked this, don’t forget to like & reblog. I really appreciate it! Feedback is always welcome ♡

“Dean?” You asked, trying your best to make your voice sound calm and even, even though you were nervous and deathly afraid for what was going to happen tomorrow. After everything, you, Sam, and Dean were going to go face to face with Dick Roman; and you knew, along with the two boys, that this was probably going to be the last thing you guys ever did. It was a suicide mission; but it was a mission that would be saving millions of lives.

“Yeah?” Dean asked, trying to match the evenness of your voice. “What’s up Sweetheart?” He already knew what you were going to say.

“About tomorrow. Um. If, um, if things go...if things go according to plan...” You struggled to get your sentence, even though you had it perfectly rehearsed in your head moments before. You cleared your throat, looking Dean in the eyes. “If things go according to plan tomorrow, you, me, Sam...We’re all going to die right?”

Looking at each other, you and Dean shared a similar expression: fear mixed with sadness with a hint of realization. It was strange the way you were feeling, because so many times before, you have looked into the face of death (literally and figuratively) and had no problem with the idea that you may die in a horrible way. You were a hunter after all; hunters usually don’t get happy endings nor do they get to retire. A hunters life was a sad one, a lonely one usually. Most of them going out in some horrible way by some monster that they killed hundreds of times before. With every job you took, you knew it could be your last; and you were fine with that because at the end of the day you saved people – people were alive because of you. But, something that had never occurred to you – not until a couple of years ago anyway – is that you have in fact died before; and so have Sam and Dean. Countless times, in unimaginable ways. But, Joshua was the one that always brought you three back stating that it was “God’s orders” to bring the three of you back. But this time, this time felt different. There was a strong nagging thought in the back of your brain that kept saying, “Next time you die, you’re staying dead.” For the first time in your life since you were a kid, you were actually afraid to die.

“Yeah. That’s um…that’s the plan.” Dean let out an uncomfortable chuckle. He was feeling similar to the way you were. He was nervous and scared for tomorrow. Yes, he wanted to take down Roman, but he didn’t want to have to die in order to do it. There was a part of him, a part of him that had slowly started to engulf him over the years ever since his dad died: why did he have to be the one to do this? Before his mom died he had dreams of his own, had wanted to be a firefighter – a desire that become stronger after his mother died. He actually did want to go to college, as strange as that may sound, and that was something he had thought about sometimes, wondering what he would have majored in. As much as he loved this job, as much as he loved saving people, it was never his initial choice – this life, this job was picked for him. He thought about how unfair that was, how he never got the chance at a normal life, how Sam barely did either.

You started playing with your fingers. “I’m scared.” You voice sounded so faint.

“Me too Sweetheart.” Dean said, before briefly sighing.

“One last time?” You asked, your voice slightly breaking now as if you were trying your best not to cry.

“Yeah. One last time.” Dean gave you a small pained smile before leaning down and kissing you.

One Month Later…

Before everything went down with Dick Roman, you fully expected to die, were even prepared to die. Although you were scared to, you knew that it would end up saving millions of people; that’s why you loved being a hunter. You got to save people, and help people have lives they might not have had otherwise if you hadn’t saved them from some monster. You didn’t know if you were going to be going to Heaven or Hell once you died; you had hoped Heaven because of all the good you did saving people, but at the same time, you also wouldn’t have been surprised if you did end up in Hell considering all of the bad you did too. Either way, you knew that you’d at least have maybe one or both of the boys with you so you wouldn’t be so alone. In the end though, you didn’t end up dying. Neither Sam or you did but, Dean was gone; and for the past month, it felt like you were in your own special place in Hell.

The last month has been a real blur but at the same time it felt like it was dragging on; the days started to blend together. You had sought out the comfort of your bed, your parents had let you and Sam spend some time there after everything that had happened. Although they weren’t hunters themselves, they knew about the life because of you. It wasn’t a life that they wanted for you, but understood why you did it; why you had to do it.

For the past month you barely got out of bed. For about a week or two, your parents and Sam tried their hardest to try and get you out of your room to do things. Asking you to accompany them grocery shopping or going for a short walk around the neighborhood. But all you said was, “No thanks,” and just rolled over, covering your head with the sheets.

“Dean wouldn’t want you to be like this.” Sam said, this statement causing you to uncover your head with the blankets. “We have to be strong...We have to be strong for him.” 

“I’m so tired. I don’t have the energy to be strong anymore.” You told him. “I just want to be left alone right now.” You covered yourself with the sheets again.

After two weeks of asking, Sam and your parents almost forced you out of your room for your own benefit; so you could take a shower, so you could eat something that was more filling then crackers, to socialize even for a few moments. But when you did eat something though, that was more than crackers, it was hard for you to keep the food down, the nausea that you felt was too overwhelming. 

“Sweetheart, you have to eat something.” You mother said, handing you a bowl of chicken noodle soup and some saltine crackers.

“I have been. I’ve been eating crackers.” You told her.

“You need something more than crackers.” She pushed the bowl toward you placing the spoon in the bowl.

“Mom, the last thing I want is chunky soup. I feel nauseous just looking at this.” You explained pushing the bowl away from you.

Your mother sighed. “Okay, fine. At least eat the saltines then.”

The toilet bowl and the cool tile floor of the bathroom had become a second home to you when you weren’t in your nice, warm bed. 

“Couldn’t keep the saltines down this time?” Sam asked rubbing your back as you had your face over the toilet.

You shook your head. “No.” You simply said, flushing the toilet.

Sam got up and walked toward the bathroom door. “I’ll go grab you some water.”

You tried your best to smile at him. “Thanks Sam.”

“Of course.” He smiled back.

Although you didn’t have Dean, you were happy to at least have Sam and your parents still. Your parents didn’t fully know what you were going through, but they understood the type of pain that you were in.

“When my mother lost my father...she wasn’t the same person after that.” You heard your mother say to Sam one night.

“Yeah, she’s...been taking Dean’s death really, really hard. I don’t blame her though. I’m sad he’s gone too but...it’s different for her than it is for me.” Sam said. You could hear the pain and sadness in his voice as he talked to your mother.

Although you had lost Dean; someone that you classified as being the love of your life, Sam also lost his brother and his best friend.

The last couple of days in particular have been the hardest. Even though you had felt a vast amount of fatigue and nausea over the last month, the last couple of days felt like it was in extreme overdrive. It felt harder and harder for you to get out of bed, and the smells of things that used to not bother you before started to sicken you.

“Hey honey. I’m going to be making some burgers tonight. Can you prep them for me?” Your dad asked. “You used to make the best burgers.” He complimented.

“Yeah I can…I can do that.” You responded. Taking out the meat from the fridge you had started your usual routine of how you had made the burgers in the past before you had started hunting with the Winchester boys. Unwrapping the meat from the package you felt yourself gag a bit. “Jesus.” You said, checking the expiration date. It was in date, but you felt like you wanted to throw up. “Um dad…Does this smell funny to you?”

Your dad walked over, a confused expression on his face. “It shouldn’t smell funny, just bought that meat yesterday.” He took the package from you and took a deep inhale. “No. It smells fine to me. Why?”

“The smell makes me want to gag.”

“Alright uh, I’ll ask Sam if he can do it instead.”

It was strange the way you were feeling, because you didn’t feel necessarily sick, but you had felt like there was something off with you. Picking up your phone you dialed your mothers number. “Hi Honey.” Your mom responded on the other end. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah, yeah. Um, are you still at the store?” You asked.

“Yeah I’m still here. Need me to get you something?” She didn’t sound worried, but you knew she was; she was your mother after all.

You sat on the cold tile floor waiting for the results to come up. You weren’t sure if you had wanted to see one or two lines – you had pros and cons for each. As you leaned up against the bathroom cabinet, test in hand, you looked over at the bathroom clock. “Okay. 30 more seconds.” You took a deep breath. “Okay, okay, okay.” Another deep breath. Although 30 seconds isn’t a long amount of time, at this moment, it felt like the time was dragging on. Your heart was pounding deeply and fast in your chest, you wouldn’t have been surprised if it had jumped clean out of you.

The 30 seconds were up, and you shut your eyes, taking another deep breath, mentally preparing yourself. “Okay. On three. One…two…three.” Opening your eyes you stared blankly at the lines on the test. There was two. Your heart that was once beating rapidly now felt like it was sinking. A small amount of tears started welling up in your eyes now, and you felt like you could no longer breathe.

A faint knocking on the bathroom door snapped you out of it. “Y/N? Are you okay? You’ve been in there for quite a while.” It was Sam.

“Yeah um…” You wiped the tears from your eyes, surprised that you had any tears left to spill. “I’ll be out in a sec.” You reassured him.

Getting up from the bathroom floor you looked at yourself in the bathroom mirror and turned on the sink. You looked so tired and drained. Faint black circles were underneath your eyes from your lack of sleep, your eyes were bloodshot red and puffy due to the constant crying. You splashed cool water on your face trying your best to get rid of any sign that you had been crying again. Although it wasn’t uncommon for you to cry lately, you hated how your parents and Sam looked at you; you didn’t want them to feel sorry or bad for you.

Walking out of the bathroom Sam was standing there leaning up against the wall in the hallway. He looked at you, slight concern in his face. All you did was look at him as you reached out your hand and handed him the test. He looked at you confused now, unsure of why you were giving this to him. “A pregnancy test?” He asked, almost sounding surprised.

“Yeah. Um…Not sure if you know how they work but…Two lines means it’s –” Before you could finish, Sam cut you off.

“Positive. Yeah, I know how they work.” He paused for a moment. “You and Dean um…”

“The day before everything went down yeah. One last time we said.”

In that moment Sam leaned in and hugged you, his warm embrace was something that you deeply needed right about now. You let the tears start falling down your cheeks. “At least a part of him will always live on.” You said, giving him the comfort that he needed in that moment. The two of you lost the same person – Sam his brother and best friend; you the love of your life. This pregnancy weirdly, was something of a blessing, something that not only you needed, but Sam needed too. Although the baby was going to be a constant reminder of someone that the two of you had lost, the baby was also a small piece of Dean that would be able to live on, honoring his memory. I hope you have his green eyes and freckles, you thought to yourself.

[tryingtodotheright-thing]

Hello, Sunset - 6

AN: This is my longest chapter to date. I really suck at writing dialogue, which is just my real life awkward self presenting in fiction. I would love to hear what people think about this chapter or just the story in general. Need some inspiration as I'm stuck on the next chapter. The writing gods have left me and there's a metaphorical brick wall between my ideas and the blank Google doc ... PAIRING: Seungcheol x fem!reader GENRE: exes to lovers, idol verse, angst WORD COUNT: 4,650 WARNINGS: reader has anxiety and depression, swearing, mentions of alcohol Text in blue is spoken in Korean.

PREVIOUS / NEXT

1 December 2023 - 6 January 2024

There wasn’t really any time for melancholy, not for Y/N. She wanted to wistfully brood about her 10 days in Asia and play the nostalgic CARAT post concert, but the end of the year was relentless. Y/N travelled back to Tokyo the very next day to catch her flight home to London. She used the weekend to reset her body clock and catch up on her emails before she was back at the office on Monday. 

By the time she landed in London, her episode on Amazing Saturday had already aired. She didn’t think the episode would have a huge audience. She had hoped to make an impression on the Korean audience but wasn’t expecting to suddenly be trending on Naver or anything. She had turned off the airplane mode on her phone whilst briskly making her way through the long route from the gate to baggage collection. It was a good thing her phone was silent as suddenly the notifications piled up. She opened up Instagram first as that’s where the most notifications were from and saw that Josua had tagged her on a post.

It was the second time he’d done that since they had met back in September. Then, it had been a picture they had posed together for a magazine at the Marni show. This time, it was a clip of her getting the one shot for getting the most accurate answer for the God of Music quiz. He’d captioned it to say ‘Thank you for answering SVT’s quiz, Y/N’. The post had thousands of likes already, including fellow SEVENTEEN members such as S.Coups, Seungkwan and Vernon. Her followers on Instagram had also increased, she guessed as a natural effect from this interaction. She was following Joshua already so she liked the picture and closed the app, too tired to think about her actions or do anything more.

The click clacks of her heels echoed as she walked the short distance from her cabin to the one of the Global HR Director and her line manager, David. Unlike the confident sounds of her footsteps, Y/N felt timid as she opened the door to his office once he beckoned her to come in through the glass windows of his office. David was not someone to mince his words or beat around the bush, especially as someone as busy and senior as he was in such a huge corporation. 

Y/N walked out of his office thirty minutes later with relief. She’d need to talk to Sian and Emma first before she officially accepted his offer but she thought this was the best option for everyone without Y/N having to give up her career in HR completely. Her decision was solidified as she received positive response to her various promotion activities in Korea as they came out on broadcast and YouTube over the next few days. Sian and Emma began to receive interest from Korean shows and entertainment companies. The questions varied from whether she was interested in appearing on more shows to her plans on promoting in Korea and needing a local agency to support her promotions to even writing music for idol groups. Eun Ji was ecstatic at the idea of her living in Seoul and declared that Y/N would live with her. When she ran through her doubts of the move, Joshua reassured her as someone who had taken the same leap. Vernon and Seungkwan, who Y/N kept in touch with regularly since meeting them a few weeks ago, promised to visit her regularly so she wouldn’t be lonely. 

By the time her slot at the Jingle Bell Ball was over a week later, Y/N felt fully confident in her decision to resign from her job in the UK and take the consultancy role. It offered her more flexibility whilst still allowing her to keep putting to use the qualification and skills she had developed over the past seven years. Her first focus would be working with regional leads in Japan and South Korea to support the planned restructures and optimise the local operations. She would be assessing the situation, proposing a solution and would oversee the implementation of it when it is accepted but won’t be the person delivering the change. She was actually excited to step out of her comfort zone and expand her experience further by dipping her toes into consultancy whilst putting to use her language skills in another country. It honestly felt like an offer too good to be true. It also gave Y/N time to prepare for her EP release that had been planned for the end of the summer and her European Tour that would kick off in the autumn of 2024. She hoped she would get lots of inspiration to write in the new environment.

Things moved quickly once she accepted David’s offer. A flat in Hannam-dong in Yongsan had been leased under her name by Emma. Whilst her company had offered to organise this for her, she had preferred to find a place that suited her specific needs and had negotiated with David so the company would contribute a fixed amount to the rent instead. David put her negotiation skills to the test but Y/N thought she handled it quite well. She had a decent deal by the end. She spent the next few weeks saying a temporary goodbye to her life in London, catching up with friends in between her end of year performance schedule. She’d gone from the one watching the countdown to NYE on BBC to the one people watched performing as the country counted down to the dawn of a new year. A few days later, she was back on a plane to Incheon, this time on her own. Emma wouldn’t be joining her in Seoul but would be making plenty of visits as needed. W Music had a partner in Seoul who would organise any assistance Y/N needed. Y/N leaned her seat back and gazed out of the window, taking a sip of the red wine the stewardess handed her earlier. She hoped 2024 would be a year to remember. 

Current

Y/N had gone to bed immediately after her bath. The fight or flight response in her body had slowly disappeared until all that was left was exhaustion. She had dragged herself from the bathroom to her bedroom, not going through any of her night time routine but falling straight into bed instead. The blackout blinds in her room hid the world from her and equally hid her from the world from her. It was the Bank Holiday Monday so she had allowed herself to lie in and when she checked the digital clock on her bedside table once she arose from her deep slumber, she saw it was close to 11am. She decided it was time to face the world and couldn’t hide any longer. 

“Alexa, open the blinds.” The automated blinds came to life and with a soft whirring noise, it let the sunlight into the spacious cream coloured room. Closing her eyes briefly to allow them a relief from the bright rays, she patted around the bed for her phone. When her attempts were fruitless, she sighed in defeat before getting out of bed to look around the room for it. Not seeing it anywhere, she slid her feet onto her soft slippers and moved to the living room. She had success as she found it face up on the sofa. She tapped on the screen to bring it to life but it didn’t work. Letting out a groan, realising the phone had run out of battery, she moved to the kitchen island and planted her phone on top of the wireless charger. Leaving it to collect power so she could turn it on, she used the time to make her morning smoothie. 

Ten minutes later, she sat on one of the high stools by her kitchen island with a large glass of avocado and banana smoothie. She turned the phone on, making sure to keep it on the wireless charger. She saw that she had missed calls and clicked on the Phone app to see who had tried to get in touch. Some were older notifications she had dismissed like the missed calls from Sian and Emma. There were also recent missed calls from Rachel, Eun Ji and Joshua. Joshua didn’t normally call so she assumed he was concerned about her non-reply. 

As she wondered if it was finally time to grow up and call Joshua, her phone began to ring. It was an unsaved number but Y/N recognised it straight away. It was an incoming call from SEVENTEEN’s main Manager, Shim Jae Hyun. He’d been the first person she’d spoken to after Seungcheol had sent her the text to break up and blocked her number immediately after. Y/N could still remember the pity in his voice as he’d told her that Seungcheol had informed him of the breakup, and had asked that Y/N not contact anyone related to himself. Y/N had responded with a distressed ‘I understand’ and had immediately cut the call. 

Since then, she hadn’t spoken to anyone related to Seungcheol, including the members. Some of the members, particularly Vernon and Seungkwan, had tried to speak to her when they became aware of the break up but she’d already blocked them. The only remaining connection was Joshua and even then, she didn’t pick up or answer his calls. They hadn’t spoken since the day before the break up, when Y/N had called him from the airport to confirm she’s boarding and to ask him to check in on Seungcheol. Despite his persistent attempts, Y/N hadn’t spoken to Joshua since that day. He eventually gave up and stopped calling her and would send the occasional texts to see how she was, which she would read but not respond to. Seeing the two ticks to show she was reading it was good enough for him. It’s what he’d pleaded for her to do at the very least.

She assumed Jae Hyun-nim was calling due to the statement that had been published. She let the call go to voicemail and instead took a screenshot with his number displayed and sent it off to Emma and Sian, knowing one of them would contact him. She didn’t want to have a dialogue with PLEDIS or HYBE and Sian had stressed that everything should go through her or Emma. She put the phone back on the charging pad and returned to her room to pack her bag, knowing she had a flight to NYC that evening. Lily, Sian’s first assistant since Emma’s official promotion a year ago, had sent over the flight ticket details as well as some outfit options for Y/N to choose from her various interviews in NYC. Lily would organise it so any of the outfits Y/N selects would be delivered to the JW Marriott Essex House hotel in Upper East Side, where she would be staying this time. Normally, would have a longer visit and so would have gone for one of their long stay apartments but the impromptu plans meant she would be staying in one of Marriott’s hotels instead. The next few hours passed in a blur and Y/N found herself once again on a plane.

25 January 2024 

The black Porsche Cayenne lit up as the engine turned on. The car was a Christmas present to herself and she’d be paying it off for the next few years but Y/N was in love. She loved driving and one of the first things she organised was to ship her car to Seoul as soon as she decided on her move and yet, it only arrived a few days ago. Y/N was excited to take the car for a spin, having been taking taxis whenever she needed to leave her flat. She’d spent the first week in Seoul setting up the place whilst staying with Eun Ji and had to then relearn her bearings when she officially moved in. The three weeks since landing in Seoul had been tremendously busy and Y/N was excited to have a night to relax and catch up with a friend. Joshua had returned to the country only a few days ago after wrapping up the last concert of the Follow Tour in Macau. The two had been keeping each other up to date on life but it wasn’t the same as talking in person. Their last meeting hadn’t been the personal catch up they had originally planned for so to have some time together where they could speak more openly was much needed. 

Y/N arrived first at the Mexican restaurant in Itaewon and had immediately ordered some nachos for the pair to munch on whilst they caught up and debated what to order. She’d just taken a sip of her virgin Pina Colada when Joshua walked in. Y/N enveloped Joshua in a warm hug, and they stayed in the embrace for a few seconds, soaking in the comfort they gave each other. As they parted, Joshua grasped Y/N’s right hand tightly and shook it in excitement.

“I can’t believe you’re now living in Seoul!”

“Me neither, Joshie!”

He looked at her tenderly before letting go of her hand to ruffle her hair as usual. She’d given up dodging this move, knowing that it was his way of showing affection. She grinned at him, the smile stretching across her face all the way to her eyes which had shrunk to accommodate the happy expression. A waiter arrived with their nachos and the pair took their seats. Joshua ordered a Margarita. They spent the next hour catching up candidly with no inhibitions in between taking sips of their drinks and crunching on the nachos. They’d ordered more drinks and food, Y/N choosing to stay sober as she didn’t trust a stranger to drive her car. It was another thing for her to become accustomed to in time but she wasn’t quite ready for that yet. 

Joshua was feeling light, having let off a load from his shoulders. He’d met Y/N at a time when he really needed a friend who was removed from his world but would yet understand his trials. They were less than six months apart in age but often, he felt she was the older one and by many years. Maybe it came from their different life journeys. They’d both had their own challenges to overcome and different demons to fight. She saw him so clearly that he often felt she was his soulmate, like a twin who shared the same heart and mind. Their closeness after such a short period led to misconceptions initially, even from his bandmates. He’d been asked if they were dating, Coups being the latest one to quiz him on this when he’d shared his plans to meet Y/N. Joshua shared this anecdote with Y/N, laughing without restraint at the idea. Y/N looked disgusted at the idea, wondering what was wrong with everyone. She begged Joshua to make sure he set everyone straight. 

“Don’t worry, I told him you’re like a sister. Your bias won’t have the wrong idea, so don’t hurt your pea brain worrying.”

She glared at the teasing, huffing at the elder. 

“Who’s the pea brain here! I’m not the one who mistranslated that time we were out …” 

The banter continued, the two bickering away, fully immersed in their own world. It was nearing 9pm when Joshua received a call. 

“Coups-yah. What’s up? Me? I’m in XXX restaurant in Itaewon with Y/N. Oh, you’re nearby?” 

Joshua looked at Y/N with a sly smile as he hung up on the phone. Y/N was immediately on alert.

“What have you done, Hong Jisoo?”

“Where are your manners? It’s Jisoo Oppa!”

“Pfft. Manners, my ass. I know you’ve done something that’s about to piss me off. Out with it, Joshie. Don’t test my kindness.” 

He shrugged and put on an innocent look, widening his eyes and shaking his head, saying he had no idea what she was talking about. She threw a fry at his face, unfortunately missing the mark widely. This made Joshua crack up in giggles and Y/N reluctantly joined in, unable to hold on to her irritation. Y/N was going to suggest that they call it a night and head home when the bell by the door jingled. Joshua, who was facing the door, stuck his neck out to see who it was and his eyes lit up in recognition. He waved his hand at the newcomer and Y/N twisted in her seat to see who it was. It was S.Coups and with him was Jeonghan. 

“Did you miss me that much? You saw me only a few hours ago when we did the Weverse live.” 

Joshua said to S.Coups as the 95 liners reunited in front of Y/N. The waitress arrived and relocated them to a bigger table at the back, hiding them away from the rest of the customers. As they all took their new seats, Y/N bowed at Jeonghan and S.Coups and greeted them. She asked after their health and asked if they’d eaten. S.Coups, who was sitting opposite her, nodded whilst Jeonghan responded, “Coups bought me an expensive dinner. I wanted to go home and rest afterwards but this guy-”

Before Jeonghan could finish his sentence, S.Coups began speaking. He asked about her move and if she was properly settled in her flat. 

Y/N was surprised he knew the details and it must have shown on her face, as he felt the need to clarify that he’d heard from Shua. When she looked at Joshua, he had a devious smirk on his face.

“I didn’t know you paid so much attention to what I say, Coups-yah. Jeonghan-ah, did you know Coups paid this much attention to me?”

Jeonghan, who suddenly looked wide awake, seemed to have caught on to whatever track Joshua was on and enthusiastically exclaimed, “I didn’t know either, Joshuji. I don’t remember you telling us about Y/N’s move and this is my first time seeing you since you came back.”

Turning to his left, he questioned when S.Coups had heard the news. Y/N was a little perplexed about this entire conversation. She didn’t understand why it was such a big deal but she did realise that the angel, who was really a devil in disguise when he was up to his tricks, and his best friend were on the same page and up to something. It seemed that S.Coups had also sensed the danger and looked panic for a second before saying that it might have been Vernon who mentioned it, he couldn’t remember. 

Feeling sorry for the man in front of her as he pouted, she decided to answer his question to move the conversation along. 

“I’ve just about settled in and I was saying to Josh earlier that my car finally arrived so I feel like I’m finally set. I’m about to abandon all of it for two weeks though. I’ll be in Japan travelling to Tokyo, Sapporo and Okinawa for work from Monday onwards.” 

S.Coups nodded again at her and gave her a thousand watts thankful smile. Y/N felt her heart stutter like her old car used to whenever she’d try to speed and the sem-automatic would whine as it stayed stuck in the lower gear. His smile was too blinding and Y/N had to avert her gaze to her glass, fiddling with the stem of it as she tried her best to calm the flutters. 

“Oh, you didn’t tell me you were flying out so soon! We’re on holiday for the next few weeks so I thought I could show you all my favourite places.” 

Joshua was disappointed at the missed opportunity. Y/N reassured him they had plenty of time and that she’d be back on the 10th. The group enjoyed a few more drinks and Y/N slowly loosened up as she got used to the presence of the others. She didn’t see Joshua as a member of SEVENTEEN on most days. To her, he’d become family and so she didn’t get the nervousness that she got in the presence of the rest of the members. Yoon Jeonghan was too beautiful to be real and it was intimidating. 

And then there was S.Coups. Well, no explanation was really needed here. This was someone she admired and found attractive. It was just a celebrity crush, she’d thought. Although she had her head screwed on and knew what she saw wasn’t a full picture of any celebrity, with S.Coups, so much of it was real. She’d gotten to know him through Joshua and the couple of interactions they did have, she’d felt sparks. She knew it was all one-sided and with time, she’d get over it. But right now, she couldn’t be sensible about it. It was the way he would stare deeply into her eyes when she spoke giving his full attention, or the way he’d poured her a glass of water when he noticed her glass was empty, or even how the corners of his mouth would twitch in amusement whenever he caught her sneaking glances at him as Jeonghan told a funny story. She was deeply attracted to the man in front of her. His tight black t-shirt and rich perfume pulled her in. When she caught herself leaning forward one too many times, she knew it was time to go home. She pulled the typical I’m-going-to-freshen-up-but-really-pay-the-bill act and found herself scolded by a whiny Joshua as they all walked her to her car. 

She saw the tired, droopy frame of Jeonghan and told them all to get in, saying she’d drop them off. They tried to refuse the offer but Jeonghan must have been really tired because he got in quickly after thanking Y/N. Joshua sat upfront and inputted the address for the dorm. 

“Coups-yah, are you going to stay at the dorm tonight?” 

It took a beat for S.Coups to answer and the others realised he’d wanted to return to the place he shared with his brother. He said he’d call a taxi from the dorm. 

“I can drop you off, I really don’t mind.”

Y/N turned into the apartment complex that housed SEVENTEEN members. Joshua and Jeonghan got out of the car and S.Coups followed. He seemed to have a non-verbal conversation with Joshua before he turned back to Y/N and asked if she was sure. She nodded and smiled gently in response. 

He lightly hugged the members goodnight before getting back in the car, this time in the front seat. Joshua called out for her to text him when she got home safely and then headed in. 

“And then there were two.”

“Sorry?”

“Oh, sorry. It’s a phrase in English that people would usually say when a big group would suddenly get smaller.” 

She explained as she manoeuvred out of her parking spot. She pulled off and started driving towards the main road as S.Coups set the navigation to direct her to his brother’s place. It was a 20 minute drive and Y/N told herself she can behave for that long. They drove in silence that had started off comfortable but soon became filled with tension till it was stifling. She cleared her throat and suggested that S.Coups put on music if he’d like. 

“You can turn on the radio or you can use my Spotify. My phone is connected via Bluetooth.” 

She quickly unlocked it with her fingerprint and gestured for him to take it. He’d looked slightly stunned at her nonchalance as she gave him access to her phone. He timidly took the phone from the stand it was resting on and scrolled through the app. In the meantime, it began to play from where she’d left off earlier. Red Velvet described the throes of a crush and the longing to greet them again through the song ‘Hello, Sunset’ and Y/N blushed as she listened on. How fitting that this is the song that plays, she thought. She saw him tap along to the music as he scrolled through her phone. Their journey was elongating thanks to the traffic that was building up as the Saturday night deepened. As the song drew to a close, he tapped on the song he’d searched for and Dino’s voice blasted through the speakers. How cute, she thought as she realised he’d chosen to listen to the maknae’s mixtape, ‘Wait’. He bobbed his head along as they listened. The car had come to a standstill in front of the traffic. 

“I really love this song.” 

“Yes, maknae did a good job.” The pride in his voice was clear. She hummed in agreement. 

“I’m sorry. Because of me, you’re delayed.”

He apologised suddenly and Y/N found herself lost in his intense stare again when she'd looked at him to respond. She inaudibly mumbled that it wasn’t a problem and that she’s going the same way. It was as if her ears had popped, all noise surrounding them dampened whilst the sound of her heartbeat grew thunderous. She couldn’t even blink, worried he’d disappear if she closed her eyes for a second. He lowered his eyes, breaking the hold on her briefly as they dipped down to her lips before returning to arrest her again. He held her breath as a prisoner. Was she imagining it or was the distance between them slowly narrowing? She had no thoughts. Her brain simply wasn’t functioning to think if this was a good idea or not. Their noses were nearly brushing when they jumped apart when the car behind honked its horn. Y/N realised the queue had eased and quickly put the car in motion. S.Coups turned to look outside the side window, his expression hidden from Y/N when she tried to take a glimpse. 

They arrived at S.Coups’ place a few minutes later. Tablo’s version of ‘Eyes, Nose, Lips’ played in the background as both occupants of the car stalled, not sure whether to mention the moment shared earlier. In the end, both had decided to ignore it. S.Coups thanked Y/N for the lift. He’d gotten out of the car and walked around to her side, leaning down to speak to her. A breeze sent her a whiff of his perfume again. 

“Well … thanks again.” Y/N smiled but didn’t say anything.

“I should get going. I mean, you should get going. It’s late.”

She nodded and bowed at him to take leave from the driver’s seat. She was about to roll up her windows when he called her name. With no formalities. The butterflies instantly multiplied. 

“Y/N. Text me to say you’ve made it home?” It was a question but it wasn’t. She nodded, slowly then quickly. 

“I saved my number on your phone. I, uh, I didn’t send myself your number.”

Who was this shy man? Was he the same person with the deep voice and passionate eyes? 

“Sleep well.”

Y/N placed her keys in the enamel dish by the entrance, took off her boots and walked to her room. She texted Joshua to confirm she’d made it and wished him a goodnight. She paused for a second before she searched through her contacts. She found the newly saved number under Coups. 

Saturday 27 January Hi, it’s Y/N.  I made it home safely. Have a good night. 23:20 Goodnight. 23:21

A week later, Y/N was getting ready for her first date with S.Coups.

[gnpwdrnwhiskey]

greatest of all time

Pairing- Dieter Bravo x ofc!Ava (yes, her again, I'm so sorry!)

Word Count- 1,182

Warnings- none really that I'm aware of? some swearing, a couple of beers get drunk but basically this is just ridiculous banter because that's what these two do....

Author's Note- yes, I know I already have two other unfinished works with these two that I should be working on but I saw this post and joked with @wildemaven & @trulybetty that this was Dieter & Ava's next adventure and then that same day I saw the post for the @dieterbravobrainrotclub May drabble challenge and here we are....3rd universe but first time meeting, totally still counts as a meet cute right? lol!

"This can't possibly be right," Dieter mutters to himself as he turns into the campground.

He'd asked his assistant to book him a few days somewhere off the grid. Just peace and quiet and time to clear his head before he started a new project.

But this little semicircle of Airstreams baking in the desert sun can't possibly be the right place. The GPS fucked up or something.

He'll just stop and ask for directions and be on his way. Five minute detour. Max.

Ava glances out the open door of her office when she hears a car door slam before looking over at the massive merle coated Great Dane laying on his custom doggie bed on the floor next to her desk.

"Oh my God, he's here already? He's early! Do I look okay?" She asks the dog, frantically patting at her hair and straightening her clothes. She receives a couple tail wags and a cocked head in response. "Phfft, fat lot of help you are."

"Excuse me?" Dieter asks from the doorway.

"Oh, sorry, not you. I was talking to Goat."

"You have a goat?"

"No, why would I have a goat? Goats are herd animals, a single goat out here in the desert all by itself would be lonely. And that would make me sad. I have a dog. Named Goat."

The dog in question gives a woof at his name and stands to his full height, head somewhere around Dieter's belly button, and gives him a cursory sniff before padding past him to sprawl outside in the sunshine.

"Why Goat? Wouldn't Horse have been more appropriate?"

"Haha," Ava laughs dryly. "Creative. Never heard that one before. My brother named him Peyton...ya know, Manning? So Goat. Greatest of all time."

"Sure," Dieter nods like all of this makes perfect sense, thinking to himself that this woman has probably spent way too much time frying her brain in the desert heat. "Baseball, right?"

"Football," Ava says slowly, thinking what a shame it is that he's cute but apparently oh so dumb. "Anyways. Hi, welcome to Gateway Campground! Are you here for the aliens?"

"No, I'm just here for directions....the GPS must've fucked up....aliens?"

"Do you.....do you not believe in aliens?"

"No?"

"Are you stupid? Of course there have to be aliens! C'mon, there are whole galaxies out there we hardly know anything about!"

"Okay, then sure? I believe in aliens."

"Aww, then you can't stay here. Sorry. Strict no communing with aliens rule."

"But you just said--"

"I know, it's quite a conundrum isn't it? But I kinda have an experiment 626 situation going on here that I'm trying to keep on the low low."

"I have no idea what that means and no intentions of communing with anyone. Alien or human."

"Oh...."

"Probably requires some kind of radiation, like EMF or some shit," Dieter continues. "Messes with my fucking brain waves. I don’t even wear wireless earbuds. Besides, I'm not staying here. Like I said before, I just need directions."

"Oh, no, you're in the right place, Mr Bravo? Dieter? I'm not sure what to call you...you are Dieter Bravo aren't you?"

"Dieter's fine, but what do you mean I'm in the right place?"

"Your assistant booked the whole place for you? For a week?"

"This is Joshua Tree?"

"Well, no, but the park is only like 30 minutes away," Ava looks him over skeptically, gaze lingering on his well worn Crocs. "If you're into like, hiking or whatever."

"Do I look like I'm into hiking?" Dieter snaps. "Look lady, I'm sure your facilities are perfectly adequate and you can keep whatever you've already been paid, but I'm not staying in the ass end of nowhere in some shitty camper. So if you could just tell me how to get to Joshua Tree..."

"But--"

"Nope, no, whatever it is, more alien shit or whatever, I don't want to hear it. Ya know what, nevermind, I'll figure it out myself."

"I was just gonna say Joshua Tree will be booked full up this time of year," Ava yells at his retreating back as he stomps back to his vehicle.

"Well. That did not go well," she sighs, leaning against the door jamb and watching Dieter's rented SUV disappear as he heads back towards the main road. "It was the alien stuff, right? Probably went a little overboard on that, huh? But we had to be sure right, Goatie?"

Goat chuffs softly and gives Ava's hand a sympathetic lick.

"He'll be back, right? I think he'll be back," she nods to herself and then sighs again, rubbing one of Goat's silky ears between her fingers. "I hope so anyway. It'll be a long ass week out here by ourselves if he doesn't come back."

Three hours later he is in fact back, metaphorical tail tucked between his legs and Ava bites her tongue to keep from telling him she could've told him so.

"One night," he tells Ava as she leads him to the Airstream closest to the office. "And then I'm out of here. Too fuckin aggravated to drive home now."

"Of course. I completely understand," Ava tells him in her frostiest professional voice as she unlocks the door and hands over the key. "Your assistant provided a list of some of your favorite toiletries and snacks and stuff, so you should find everything you need inside."

"But If you were to find anything lacking, I'm right over there," she gestures towards the lone Airstream parked a little farther away from the others. "Enjoy your stay, Mr. Bravo."

Dieter finds her stretched out on a lounger by the pool as night falls, Goat stretched out on his own lounger next to her.

"Can I sit?"

"Of course, you're the guest here. Goat and I can leave if you'd prefer."

"No, I'd like you to stay, please? And I think I owe you an apology. This place....well, it's not what I expected."

"I get that a lot," Ava grins, digging in the cooler next to her chair and offering Dieter a beer.

"It's really, really fucking nice. I mean that. Better than some resorts I've stayed at."

"I know," Ava nods. "My brother and I worked hard to get it just right."

"You did a fantastic job," Dieter tells her, twisting the top off his beer and taking a long swig. "I uh, I also googled what you said earlier-- an experiment 626 situation. Lilo and Stitch, right? So I guess like, you were trying to tell me Goat is, ah, special?"

Goat gives one short sharp bark and Ava laughs. "Yeah, he is indeed very special. You could even say he's one of a kind."

"I take it back," Dieter tells her, relaxing back in his lounger, face tilted up to the stars. More stars than he thinks he's ever seen before in his life, more possibilities than he's ever imagined. "I think I'll stay a few days."

Ava smiles, mostly to herself, and Goat's tail thumps happily against the fabric of his lounger.

"Stay as long as you want."

[sporkberries]

no but genuinely i think about the arcade gannon legion ending so fucking much its on my brain all the time. I think its one of my favourite endings in the game and it’s not because it’s a “good” ending. its an awful tragic one. It manages in just a few sentences to expand on both Arcade and Caesar’s characters in really interesting ways. Caesar not only kept Arcade alive for years but MOURNED him. I think it says something about how completely lonely Caesar is. Joshua is gone and sure Caesar has his “subjects” but those aren’t people he can confide in or discuss with. Not only because they see him more as a god than a man but due to the Anti-Intellectualism he himself has fostered in the Legion. And that’s not even getting into Arcade’s own personal tragedy here. Someone who values personal freedom so much being enslaved and offing themselves so brutally at his first opportunity. Seeing everything he believed in everything he hoped for burnt down in flames. “do no harm”, Arcade the philosopher vs Arcade the physician vs Arcade the man.

[ofthecaravel]

Brandy

Chapter One

Summary: A port on a western bay serves a hundred ships a day, and the lonely sailors flock to the Caravel Cantina, run by the Kiszka brothers (minus one). But when their brother returns with a handsome sailor in tow, the youngest Kiszka brother finds his perspective about his family and himself turned upside down.

Tags: Brotherly shenanigans as always, mentions of parental death, a little squabbling, flirting, minor angst

Words: Lil under 10k (whoops)

A/N: I started this literally a year ago. God help me. Inspired by Brandy by Looking Glass and Sam and Danny being goofuses. I really hope y'all like this because there is so much more to post 😭

~~~

As always, the Kiszka brothers had gotten to work a little earlier than they needed to.

The elder of them, Joshua, had always believed that a clean bar would result in an easygoing night, so they often found themselves slipping in through the back door around 5pm on nights they didn't even open and staying until 8pm to mop the floors and replace anything that had been tarnished in nights previous. Josh and his spritely spirit found it invigorating to fiddle with such things as measuring the level of alcohol in their assortment of kegs and casks, or the arrangement of glasses and the security of the coat hooks. But Sam, the youngest of his siblings and the only other one who tended to the family business on a regular basis, usually found himself walking away from all of the menial chores Josh assigned him. He was annoyed enough that he'd had to start full time as their one and only waiter since their brother Jake had left the family business to his twin and little brother to chase his dream of sailing the high seas three years ago. Since then, Josh and Sam had struggled to manage the popular bar all on their own, stretch their very small budget out between the business and themselves, and not murder each other in the process. Sam thought he deserved a little break before work, and the seemingly pointless tasks that Josh insisted he do to help out were not exactly morale boosters. He was coming up on a year of Josh's least favorite pre-shift ritual of his, which included leaning his head against the window tucked into the corner that faced true north and staring in unblinking, unmoving silence. 

It was a clear, early June evening when from his post wiping down the keg spigots, Josh noticed Sam drifting out of the corner of his eye. He sighed when he realized where his younger brother now stood.

"Will you get away from the window? I just cleaned it and you're gonna fog it up again with all your longing sighs."

Sam tossed a sour look over his shoulder at his brother, who stood behind the bar with a rag slung over his shoulder and a judgmental look on his face. Josh pulled the rag down and across the already gleaming wood in front of him and shook his head in near pity, his hand working anxious circles on the surface as it had done every night for nearly 7 years now. 

"I'm not fogging it up," Sam argued. "What, I'm not allowed to look out the window of my own bar?"

"Not if you're going to get your fish breath all over my nice, clean glass," Josh shot back with a barely contained smile, looking down amusedly while Sam scoffed.

He rolled his eyes all the way around to look back out the window, his keen eyes trained on the bustle of the harbor town coming alive as the sun slowly sank deeper into the twilight sky. Lamps were starting to blink awake in the windows of the weathered brick buildings surrounding their little bar, casting their amber light on the cobblestone that the fishmongers tread on with their stained aprons still tightly tied as they headed homeward bound. Sam sported a similar apron that he kept hiked up flatteringly around his waist, worn begrudgingly and scattered with its own fair share of stains and stories. But unlike the fishmongers that passed him by without so much as a glance, he was in for the night,  his shift starting when the first patron inevitably burst in with a thirst for comradery and the extra strong spirits and liqueurs that Sam and his brothers distilled themselves. 

They all specialized in their own kinds, and as their regulars eventually went on to point out, they all suited their specialties very nicely. Josh with his appropriately rosy cheeks and boisterous, people pleasing nature was a natural when it came to bold, sweet wines. Jake had a knack for whipping up a whiskey with a sharp bite and smooth burn, but just like the man himself, those bottles were usually gone from the bar and ran out fast when they were. But Sam was the only one with the patience and palate to tend to the bar's most sought after delicacy: casks of sweet brandy that he laid down in crystal glasses bought off a merchant ship with his private stash of tips. The men that frequented the bar the most had long since stopped referring to him by name, simply raising their hands to catch his eye as he made his rounds and calling out "Brandy!".

Much to his chagrin, his name slowly started to get left at home, and he was soon known solely as "Brandy" to the bar goers of The Caravel Cantina. Only Josh called him Sam at work, knowing it was a surefire way to get his attention as he tended to the mobs of ever parched, low lidded men. Josh called it then, recognizing the mournful look his little brother was casting towards the docks that lay just out of sight of the northern window that his head was lolled against. Sam startled again and fully turned away, pressing his hand briefly to his forehead to feel how his skin had cooled against the pane.

"What?" Sam asked in annoyance, already feeling his ears perk as he thought about the water and its many ships that now lay at his back. As Josh shook his head at him again, he absently wondered if he would be able to recognize the ship he was waiting for by the creak of its sails or how its bow sliced into the dark seawater that pooled around their port. "You wanted something?"

"I want you to get away from my goddamn window and do your job, you hooligan," Josh scolded lightheartedly, tossing his rag with force into Sam's slight chest, who caught it with an audible "oof".  

"Nobody's even here yet," Sam pointed out, gesturing dramatically with the cloth out at the warmly lit yet definitely empty sea of cramped tables and chairs with its lone jukebox pressed against the wall. 

"Sam," Josh said again, his voice softer this time. He let out an even softer sigh and cocked his head at his brother, giving him a small smile. "They're not coming tonight. You got to give it up, bud."

Sam hesitated, slightly stunned that Josh had been able to read his mind so easily, but after a lifetime of close quarters and shared secrets, he could only be so surprised. 

"Jake said they'd be back in the summertime," Sam said carefully, echoing his brother's words of encouragement from the year prior. "The fishermen are starting to bring in albacore and those big, pink shrimps and you know damn well those are only in season when the weather has turned. It is officially summer, thank you very much."

"Hell, you think sailors measure the seasons by the fuckin' fish?" Josh barked out a condescending laugh. "They're not out there to pick salt off of shrimp and clams. You think Jake captains that hunk of junk across the Atlantic to get the ol' pole out and let it fly?"

Sam's cheeks flushed in embarrassment and he furrowed his dark brow with a frown, casting his eyes down as he wrung the filthy bar rag between his lithe hands. 

"Jake knows," Sam muttered. "And he promised."

"Because his promises are so reliable," Josh said sarcastically, a genuine hint of bitterness slipping out as he started stacking glasses aggressively. "Something tells me it's not him who made you that promise, Sammy."

"The sun is staying up for longer, too," Sam pointed out, skillfully ignoring Josh's accusation. "He'll notice that the daylight is blazing beautifully on their masts for an hour longer or whatever pretentious garbage sentiment he writes in his journal. Or do they not have the sun out on the sea, wise guy?"

"Sam."

Sam finally met Josh's gaze and felt a guilty curl in his stomach from the glint in his brother's tired, brown eyes.

"Why don't you have a drink and remember how sweet the fruit of your patience can be, hm?" 

"Yeah," Sam replied simply, feeling a slight shame that he was only adding to ever growing list of Josh's stressors. "Okay. Might help with the rush tonight."

"Rush?" Josh looked lost for a moment before he gripped the glass in his hand even tighter and spun to look at the bar's beloved Mermaid of the Month calendar. "It's Saturday? I thought it was a fucking Friday, fuck!"

"Oh, and Fridays are any better for us?" Sam laughed, dipping behind the bar with his frazzled brother to grab a glass and pouring himself a shallow drink of golden brandy from its coveted bottle. 

Outside, Sam could already hear laughter carrying from down the street that would soon arrive as a pack of rowdy men ready to unwind after a long day by the docks. They surely wouldn't be the last group to swarm their painfully understaffed yet ultimately well loved cantina, and as Sam was throwing back the last of his drink and watching the panic sizzle off of Josh's abundance of curls, the door slammed open and the space filled with thundering voices and cackles.

"Good evening, gentlemen," Josh greeted jovially, his visible anxiety peeling off of him in an instant as men started to take seats at the bar and drag tables together. "What can I do you for?"

"I sure could use a tall, sweet drink of brandy," one of the grizzled regulars purred, giving a sharp toothed grin to Sam, who had already grabbed his tray and slipped from behind the bar and out into the fray. Josh bristled at the man's comment as he skillfully poured him up a glass and watched his brother sidle up to a throng of butchers, who were giving him a look they usually saved for their finest cuts of meat. Josh knew what the men in the bar thought about his brother's feminine features and hospitable grace. He heard what they said about his body and long hair as he slinked through crowds and brushed hands with eager patrons, flashing his wide smile and playing into their little jokes. Of course Sam knew too, and it's not like The Caravel was the kind of place that would let anything like that go by without getting a boot to the ass, but Josh couldn't help but feel protective of him nonetheless. 

"Cool it, Caldwell," Josh said with a slight bite in his gravelly voice as he set down the drink in front of the sharp toothed man. "We wouldn't want the missus knowing what you say about my brother after a few of those tall and sweets, now would we?"

"You're no fun, Kiszka," Caldwell mumbled into his drink, his mustache dipping into the liquor as his grubby pals quickly roped him into a conversation and left Josh to his pouring and coin collecting. 

Across the bar, the jukebox blared to life, and Sam felt a wave of relief wash over him at the sound. The jukebox's chronically high volume meant he had an excuse not to hear everybody's little comments to and about him as he dutifully dished out spilling glasses and salty scoops of peanuts. However, as the song stretched out beyond the first 30 seconds of instrumental, the wave inside Sam came crashing down as he recognized the song's bright lyrics and the vocals they danced on. He swallowed an emotion he'd been biting back since he'd first felt the temperature begin to rise, and as he placed a ring of shots on his metal tray with shaking hands that made the metal and glass clatter in time to the beat, Sam relived a burst of last summer for what felt like the hundredth time.  

-

One Year Earlier

-

Against his will, Sundays had become the designated day for Josh and Sam to come to the bar during the daytime and work on any repairs that couldn't be done in their little interludes before regular nights. The Caravel was closed on Sundays, and despite Sam's consistent protests that that logic should also be applied to its employees, Josh insisted that it was a great opportunity to fix it up for the upcoming week. 

Despite the fact that he and Josh hadn't got home until 3am, Sam woke up with the sun that Sunday. As he lay in bed and focused only on the feel of the linen sheets on his bare skin and the distant whistle of the wind outside, he tried to think back on the last time he had gotten a full night's sleep. 

He figured it had to be around the time that he'd last seen Jake, right before he had left to join a crew on a merchant ship that he made seem a lot cooler than it probably actually was.

"The captain says we're going to sail to all kinds of places," Jake had told him, perched on the end of Sam's bed with a map so wide it sprawled across their knees and grazed the edge of his pillow. "Not just Europe, but Africa, too. Maybe even Asia."

"I don't even understand what you'll be doing," Sam had mumbled darkly, bitterly watching Jake's fingers trace over imaginary waves in the yellowed sea on the paper, charting routes he was yet to go on. Without them. 

"We'll be transporting cargo to ports all across the world," Jake had explained proudly, not understanding the disdain that Sam felt towards his sudden career change. "Not every harbor is as drab as this one. There are really wonderful ones, and I want to see them all."

"It isn't that drab here," Sam had argued weakly, even though he wholeheartedly agreed that their town was the poster child for sad, salty, seasick ports. "Just work on the docks that sail to Canada and Greenland if you want to get on a ship so bad. You could be home for Christmas if you wanted."

There was a moment of silence when Sam leaned back against the wall sullenly, crossing his arms and glaring at Jake. Jake couldn't look him in the eye, instead choosing to slowly roll the map up and secure it with a little slip of ribbon as Sam huffed and bit back any tears that threatened to rise to the surface. The whole house was quiet in that moment, every room empty of noise and joy, Josh having long grown silent since Jake had broke the news over dinner and caused Josh to immediately retreat to his room with a slam of the door. The air had grown thick and cloudy since the words had left Jake's mouth, and as he watched his lanky little brother suddenly shrink very small on the bed he'd slept on since he was a child, Jake fully understood just what his absence was going to do to his family. 

"I need to do this, Sammy," Jake had pleaded with his brother, scooting closer to Sam on the bed and putting a hesitant hand on his shoulder. "I'll be back before you even care that I'm gone."

"I care now," Sam had whispered, shrugging away from Jake's touch and turning away.

It had been the truth. And it was still the truth two years later, after months of letters that came few and far between, and random parcels that came in the mail containing garments made of soft, dyed fabric that Josh snuck into every outfit and hair oils that had made Sam's awkward, choppy bob grow into glossy, walnut waves that he wove into plaits and loose buns to keep out of his face at work. These little gifts he sent from his travels were nice to have around, but they couldn't make up for Jake's substantial absence in their lives. As he got out of bed and dressed in the hazy peach light streaming through his thin curtains, Sam looked at the map hung crookedly on his wall and wondered where Jake's ship was docked now. 

"Jake wouldn't drag me to the bar on a fucking Sunday," Sam murmured to himself in his mirror as he pulled a comb through his hair and twisted it into a loose, wavy ponytail that swung nearly to his lower back. Just a moment too late, he heard his brother's footsteps out in the hall, and hoped in vain he didn't hear what he had said so close to his only partially closed door. 

"Yes, he would!" Josh called from right outside the door as he passed by, knocking on it with an enthusiasm that seemed completely unwarranted for the time of day. "Lighten up, Sammy, we only have a few chairs to fix. It'll be nice and easy for you, Mister Cranky."

"You always say that!" Sam called back, smacking the door and hearing Josh's donkey bray of a laugh move into their small kitchen, followed by the familiar clatter of the kettle and the other sounds that Josh put into motion to bring the house back to life for the coming day. 

Sam looked back at himself in the mirror, tugging on the lavender skin under his drooping lower lashes and pale waterline, taking only a second to dwell on any thoughts outside of getting through the day before he braced himself and headed out the door. 

As predicted, a few chairs to be fixed turned into a couple of barstools that needed tightening, a window pane that needed to be replaced, a floorboard that needed to be hammered back into place, glass shards that somehow went unnoticed from a minor brawl two nights prior needing to be swept up, and Sam being sent on an errand to find a vendor open on Sundays selling oranges. By the time Josh called it quits for the day, the sun was already starting to start its journey back down under the horizon line, much to Sam's dismay. He could barely keep his temper under wraps as Josh circled the bar one last time, letting his honey brown gaze rest a moment longer than necessary on every square inch of the place.

"This is insane, Josh, let's go," Sam hissed, trying not to claw into the doorframe as he attempted not to bolt. "There is absolutely no need for this level of astuteness unless you're expecting the goddamn Queen of England to pop by for a visit."

"You never know when a special guest might grace us," Josh said mysteriously, wiggling his eyebrows while he locked up the maintenance closet.

"Nobody even comes on Monday nights," Sam continued to whine. "You're prepping for three drunks and some mice." 

"Maybe I'm just trying to set an example for the level of care this place deserves," Josh explained in his even, oh-so-wise tone that Sam hated. "This place will be yours someday, you know."

"Yes, I know, and your ghost will still find a way to micro manage it."

"I'll be great for business," Josh grinned, finally turning down the lamp and clicking the key into place. "Sailors love a ghost story."

"It was a dark and stormy night when the young master Kiszka broke free of his cruel, domineering eldest brother and slayed him in his sleep," Sam crooned in a spooky voice as he took the lead down the street back to their little house. 

"You'd never get the chance," Josh scoffed.

Sam continued on with his dramatic tale of how his brother's ghost went on to curse his bar for all eternity and sent him spiraling into madness, with Josh contributing his own details where he saw fit as he trailed him. Right before it went out of sight, Sam cast a look back at the bar, sitting squat and dark against the lilac sky, wondering if what made him detest it so much might be the same thing that made Josh fuss over it so much.

-

The following night, Sam's expectation of a slow night was more than lived up to. By the time 9pm rolled around, Caravel had been graced by a whopping 2 patrons, who had only lingered for about an hour before leaving Josh and Sam to awkwardly sit around and flick coins at each other. 

Sam was able to read his brother's moods pretty well, and as he watched Josh stacking silver coins in a pyramid at the other end of the bar, he couldn't shake the feeling that something was off with him. He kept glancing at the door and his usually steady fingers had a slight tremble to them, which caused the coin pyramid to shift and slide to a clattering mess on the wood, making Josh cuss and scoop them back into his palm.

"Hey, brother of mine," Sam prodded gently as Josh occupied himself with spinning a quarter like a top. "How are you?"

Josh tossed him a weird look, laughing slightly as he straightened to admire his growing army of spinning coins. 

"I'm peachy, baby," Josh chuckled, knitting his brows. "And yourself?"

"Good, good," Sam said absently. "You know, if something's bothering you, I'm here to talk."

"Sammy, nothing's the matter," Josh insisted as if it was the silliest thing in the world, but he said it a little too fast. "Seriously. All is well in the house of Kiszka."

"I don't believe you," Sam said lazily, resting his face in his hands as he stared his brother down. 

"Well, I can't help that, now can I?" Josh teased, rolling one of his coins towards Sam. "Let's see how many of these we can spin at once."

Sam rolled his eyes, knowing he wasn't going to be able to get anything more out of Josh but still watching him out of the corner of his eye as they worked together to set the glimmering surface of the bar ablaze with a ballet of dancing silver coins. 

Around midnight, they had managed to accrue a small group of women in the back corner and a few more men at the bar, keeping them only slightly more busy than they had been in the empty bar. Sam, bored out of his mind, stepped away for a moment to "check inventory". This thorough "check" consisted of Sam slipping out the back door and taking a moment to breathe in the sweet, summery air. The chill coming off the ocean gave it a cold, salty bite, and Sam breathed it in gratefully through his nose as he slipped a cigarette and lighter out of his apron pocket. The cigarette, purchased secretly from the general store's quiet cashier, lit up quickly and was slowly inhaled, the herbs and tobacco mingling deliciously with the night air in Sam's senses. He tipped his head back and let loose a billowy stream of smoke into the dark sky, watching a moth sail through it on its way to the streetlight a few doors down. Josh would absolutely kill Sam if he knew he was smoking, so Sam had to sneak them in his rare moments completely alone. He was going to save it for a busy night when he'd really need it, but Sam couldn't help but give in to temptation. He closed his eyes and took in another long, slow drag, listening to the sizzle of the paper and the unmistakable, jovial noises of a group of sailors making their way down the street in front of the bar.

'Oh, boy, here we go,' Sam thought begrudgingly, hearing the muffled shouts and laughs enter the bar through the door to his back. Surprisingly, he heard Josh's voice ring out the loudest, making some kind of announcement and laughing. Josh was loud, of course, but he wasn't one to command a room when there were customers just coming in. Sam took a few more hits before dropping the cigarette and crushing it underfoot, putting his ear to the door curiously as he listened further. Josh's voice seemed to layer over itself alongside the unfamiliar voices that had just come in, and Sam furrowed his brow as he tried to figure out what he was hearing.

"SAM!"

"Fuck, shit," Sam whispered to himself, readjusting his apron and swinging around to open the door, stumbling back inside and powerwalking his way through the back and out into the open expanse of the bar. 

"There he is," Josh grinned brightly, his face completely alight. He was, for once, out from behind the bar and mixed amongst the sailors cluttering the front of the bar. Sam suddenly questioned if his assumption that they were sailors was even correct, judging from their casual, loose fitting clothes that varied in style. Usually the sailors that passed through their town were decked out in the traditional, matching garb with plain stripes and jaunty hats. But, still, Sam couldn't shake the feeling that these were sailors of some sort of caliber. He approached, turning on his cute waiter charm and flashing a warm smile, only for it to fall a moment later when he caught sight of who exactly Josh was standing with his arm around.

"Got a drink handy for an old seafarer?" 

"Jake?" Sam blurted in disbelief, adrenaline seizing his every sense as he tossed his tray haphazardly towards the bar and threw his arms around his brother, who clapped him on the back with a genuine and utterly Jake laugh. "Holy shit, I thought it was Josh I was hearing. What, I mean, oh my God, you're here, what the hell!"

"Good lord, Sam, since when do you swear like a sailor?" Jake exclaimed good-naturedly. "That's supposed to be my sort of thing."

"You should hear the shit he says, I tell you," Josh interjected. He was absolutely beaming, radiating joy from the tips of his curls down to his loafers in a way that should've projected the shimmer of sunlight's pure heat. Sam knew how much he had missed his twin, and now that they were back together again, it felt like something in Josh had slid back into its rightful place. Standing right next to each other, Sam was able to properly assess just how different Jake looked from the last time he had seen him. When he'd left, Jake's hair had curled up boyishly around his ears, but it now fell in sun kissed and wind tossed waves just above his shoulders. He was sturdier in build, with muscles built from lugging cargo on and off ships. He also sported some sparse facial hair and the biggest, ugliest hoop earring Sam had ever seen. Jake was lucky that Sam was too overwhelmed with emotion to make a comment about it, even when they hugged again and Sam felt it brush against his neck, causing him to choke down a giggle as Jake started one of his rambles. 

"You wouldn't believe the weather we had to get through to make it here," Jake said, throwing his palms up dramatically. "Rain like knives the whole way. I thought it was gonna cut through the sails but thanks to some expert direction from yours truly, we made it in record time."

"So, what, you're a captain now?" Sam asked, slightly in awe. 

"Sure am," Jake announced, pride dripping off him as he tipped his chin up and smoothed down his shirt. "A lot has happened since I've been out to sea."

"And you never thought to mention it in any of your letters?"

"Didn't seem fair to brag."

"Oh, get over yourself," Sam scoffed with a smile. "We've been pretty damn successful here without you. We're the talk of the town."

"Really? I didn't hear anything when I was showing the boys around town tonight, did we, boys?" Jake spoke to the crowd around them, and Sam startled slightly at their muddled replies and laughs as he remembered that it wasn't just him and his brothers alone in this space they had grown up in.  

"When we had dinner tonight, did any of you hear about the ol' Caravel?" Jake teased, slinging an arm around Sam and pulling him down to his height, mussing his hair. "Any talk of sweet Brandy?"

"Shut up!" Sam cried, trying to wiggle out of Jake's surprisingly strong grip, his face flushing as the men around them erupted into raucous laughter and whistles. He finally released him, Sam immediately straightening and brushing his hair out with his fingers with a huff as Josh covered a smile with his hand and Jake laughed. 

"You're the worst," Sam declared in true youngest sibling fashion. "You can make your own drinks tonight, how about that?"

"It would be my pleasure," Jake invited warmly, and from the genuine twinkle in his eye, Sam could tell he meant it. 

"Don't you fuck up my bar, Jacob," Josh said seriously, jabbing his finger at his twin as Jake happily made his way behind the counter. "We did all this cleaning and organizing for you, you know."

"Wait, wait, wait," Sam exclaimed, putting the pieces together as he glared down Josh, who immediately turned sheepish under Sam's sharp gaze. "You knew he was coming back? That's why you were being so weird? Why didn't you tell me?"

"We thought it would be a fun surprise," Josh explained meekly. "I still think it was."

"You're unbelievable," Sam sneered, secretly very touched by the gesture. "If I had known it was just Jake, I would've left some of that glass out on the floor."

"Cruel!" Jake cried from his spot behind the bar, where he was now dutifully pouring drinks for his crew, who were only now starting to settle. "It's not just me, it's my men, too. Wouldn't want them getting hurt, now would we?"

Sam didn't reply, simply smiling innocently and turning back to grab his tray to tend to the sailors who had taken seats at tables. He didn't remember exactly where it had ended up landing in his tackling of Jake. He looked around the shoulders of the burly men who had conveniently gathered around the spot on the bar he figured he must have set it down, but didn't see it anywhere. 

Behind him, the jukebox started up, a high instrumental starting to swing out over the crowd inside the Caravel. Sam turned towards the sound instinctually, and blinked in shock when he saw his tray resting atop the jukebox, sitting casually beside the tall man facing the jukebox. Sam approached the tray thief, sidling around his strong frame and preparing himself to have to argue with whoever this kleptomaniac was. Instead, Sam found himself freezing up when he caught sight of the man's profile. 

His eyes, cast down and shadowed by dark, stern brows and long lashes, tracked the song listings as his long, calloused fingers ghosted the dials. His hair was as long as Jake's and fell in smoky ringlets that swayed against his broad shoulders. His nose was handsomely aquiline, and Sam realized that he was close enough to see a peppering of freckles across it. He swallowed thickly and prayed that he hadn't been standing there too long, suddenly unaware of how much time had passed since he had first started looking at the stranger. Sam decided to break himself out of his brief funk by reaching up and snatching the tray off of the jukebox, the flimsy metal making a racket that made the jukebox man jump slightly and turn to Sam with wide eyes. 

"That's my tray," Sam announced, staring him down. There was a short pause, a smile creeping onto the man's face as his gaze softened.

"You're Brandy," he finally said, his small smile stretching into a full, charming smile that was crooked in the way Sam had only ever read about. Sam flushed, his ears going hot as he gripped the tray tightly and curled his lip.

"It's Sam, actually," Sam snapped, wondering why his flustered state was translating as frustration.

"Oh, well, my apologies," the man said sincerely, dipping his head slightly in apology. "That's what the captain called you. I'm Daniel."

"Your captain is my brother, so I wouldn't take anything he says about me at face value," Sam explained, pushing away the thought of what the hell Jake told his crew he was like, if he talked about him and Josh at all. He must have. He was too much of a sap not to. 

Daniel laughed, and Sam flinched at the sound. He didn't know why, it was a nice laugh.

"Don't worry, he speaks very highly of you," Daniel affirmed, and Sam was annoyed to find himself physically relaxing. Did he really care what a bunch of sailors thought of him? "You don't look how I pictured, though." 

"Oh?" Sam barked out an awkward laugh. "What did you think I'd look like?"

Daniel shrugged, his hair shifting enough to reveal hoops in his ears similar to Jake's. He did a dramatic look up and down of Sam, which made him go hot in the face again as Daniel's eyes finally rested on his own. 

"He always described you as, I don't know, like a squirrely little brother," Daniel remarked, gesturing vaguely at Sam. "Messy hair, snotty nose. Which is definitely not you."

"You're strange," Sam replied, meaning it. 

"You're pretty."

Sam froze as he had when he had first approached Daniel, every muscle tensing up as his mouth snapped shut. Daniel stood there smiling at him like he hadn't said a word. 

"I'm working," Sam countered nervously, turning away and then turning back. "Nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too," Daniel echoed, looking back down at the jukebox. "Brandy."

Sam tossed a silent glare at him before hurrying away, quickly distracting himself with fetching rounds for the nearby tables occupied by Daniel's crewmates. 

'What the fuck was that?' Sam kept thinking to himself as he bustled around for the next hour, far too aware that Daniel was still somewhere in this space with him. It wasn't that he had made Sam uncomfortable...it was something else entirely. He couldn't put words to it, and it frustrated him. 

"You're a pistol tonight, Sammy," Jake commented as Sam came sailing back to the bar for the 3rd time in the past 10 minutes, clearing his tray and stocking it with a fresh round of clean glasses. "I knew me being here would renew your zest for work."

"You're a hoot, Jakers," Sam said dryly, both of them exchanging mocking faces as Jake poured up Sam's new round. "Your friends are something else."

"They're a lively bunch, aren't they?" Jake responded proudly, casting a look out over the bar at his men. "Make any friends yet? I talk about you and Joshy every chance I get, you should know. These boys all think you two are the bees knees. Brother of the Year goes to me, thank you."

"Daniel told me about that," Sam replied coolly. "The talking about us, not you being Brother of the Year. Not sure you've earned that one, Mr. Runaway."

"Ah, Daniel," Jake smirked, shaking his head with a mysterious smile. "I love that guy. Damn good when it comes to heavy lifting and rigging. Did you get a look at those tree trunk arms of his?"

"I can't say I did," Sam muttered, lying.

"He's a strong fellow. His talents are much appreciated. He also happens to be a complete sweetheart. If you're gonna actually try and befriend any of these fuckers, he's probably your best bet."

"Noted," Sam replied quickly as Jake poured the last drink. "I'll be back in a second."

"Take your time!" Jake encouraged, pushing Sam back out into the fray. "Go say hi to Daniel for me!"

-

Sam didn't honor Jake's request until after 3am, when Josh had finally taken back control of the bar and insisted Jake and his crewmates get moving so they could clean up. 

"Tell me they're not staying in our house," Josh muttered to Jake as the three of them huddled behind the bar, pretending to be busy as the sailors all gathered up their coats and drunkenly stumbled their way to the entrance. "You promised. We only have the three rooms and our living room is certainly not up to code for sailor folk."

"I've booked them week-long stays at the inn, don't even worry about it," Jake insisted in a whisper. "I sure hope I'm allowed the privilege to sleep in my own bed."

"Of course, idiot," Josh smiled, smacking Jake's arm. "Your bed is still how you left it."

"You're only here for a week?" Sam questioned, his stomach sinking as reality shook the seeming eternity of this odd night. 

"I'm afraid so, pipsqueak," Jake affirmed, his tone weak but his voice far too laced with whiskey to effectively communicate any kind of genuine sadness. 

Sam stared into the glass he was halfheartedly wiping and held back everything he wanted to say. He wished he could say anything about how it wasn't fair to the family for Jake to leave for so long, or how the almost complete lack of communication was even less fair, or how much easier it would be for him to just stay. But Jake was drunk, and it was late, and it just wasn't worth it, so Sam just mumbled an "okay" and stacked the glass. 

"You know," Sam started to say, faltering slightly when both of them looked at him expectantly. "Josh, why don't you just go back with Jake and I'll finish up here. I don't think he can make it back by himself, and I doubt he's kept hold of his house key since leaving."

"Aw, Sammy, you don't have to," Josh pushed back, putting an appreciative hand on Sam's slight shoulder. "I think he can make his way."

"I'm standing right here," Jake interjected, swaying only slightly as he leaned forward. "I can give input. My input is I'm completely fine to walk the 5 minutes home."

"And you have your key?"

Jake paused, his glassy eyes darting around in space as he thought, gently moving to pat his pockets.

"He does not," Josh said to Sam alone, his tired features raising in devilish amusement.

"No, he does not," Sam agreed as they watched Jake turn away slightly to dig in his pockets some more. 

"Still here," Jake piped up again, finally giving up on his key search. "But, yes, it would seem I've misplaced them. But I can wait outside. It's not even that cold and I got some fire in my belly to keep me warm."

"People are going to think you're a vagrant, Jake, no," Sam argued, waving his brothers away. "Josh, take him home. Both of you, get some sleep for once. I'll lock up and see you in the morning."

"Are you sure, Sammy?" Josh asked again, looking at him with a little too much concern. "I'm not saying I don't think you can, I'm just-"

"Get out!" Sam insisted, grabbing both of them by the shoulder and spinning them to face away from him. "And stay out! Follow the crowd, little fish, swim away. I'll be fine, I can handle putting up chairs and mopping."

"Fine, fine, sheesh," Josh giggled, wrestling Sam away from him and slinging a rough arm around Jake, hauling him towards the last few men trailing out the door. "You take care of my baby! And get home quick!"

"Bite me!" Sam replied cheerfully, waving them away with his rag like he was waving off a ship.

"Good to see you again, Sam! I love you!" Jake called loudly, despite being only a few feet away.

"I love you too, you drunk!" 

"Aw!" Jake blew him a kiss, causing Josh to cackle and start up an unheard conversation as they opened the door in identical hand slaps and slipped out into the cool, dark night. 

Sam turned his back to the door, slinging the rag in his hand over the spigot of the sink and sliding the tub of dirty dishes into the basin, letting the water run from cool to warm to soak them. He looked into the full length mirror that Josh had tipped sideways in front of the sink and just under the first shelf of bottles, grimacing slightly at the dark circles continuing to grow under his eyes and the state of the flyaways that had fallen from the ponytail he'd thrown up around 1am. Sam leaned in closer, pulling the ribbon from his hair and letting it fall in a shiny curtain, smoothing it back with his damp fingers. Something fluttered in the mirror, causing Sam to squint and look into the slightly warped and smudged glass, catching sight of something dark behind him. He straightened with a jolt and spun on his heel, brandishing the silk ribbon as if it could do anything to protect him against an intruder. 

Instead, he found Daniel wandering around by the door, watching him with that same gentle smile he'd given him before. Sam's heart had raced when he'd seen something behind him, but now it was just about ready to slam a gory hole through his chest and escape. 

"Oh, my God," Sam wheezed, clutching his chest to hold his heart in. "You scared the shit out of me."

"I didn't mean to," Daniel said with a chuckle, his long legs delivering him to the bar. "I was worried we got off on the wrong foot and wanted to rectify that."

"And you figured waiting in the corner like a silent specter until I was alone was the perfect solution to starting up a jolly ol' friendship?" Sam teased, annoyance lacing his voice with no real venom behind it. "I stand behind when I said you were strange."

"And I stand behind what I said after you said that," Daniel doubled down, leaning onto the bar and meeting Sam's eye, which Sam tried to hold with a nervous swallow.

"Oh, is that why you stayed?" Sam laughed weakly, turning away from Daniel to start on properly washing the dishes. "I don't know what kind of guy you think I am, but I'm not like that."

"No, no, that's not..." Daniel sighed, and Sam watched him lean his head against his hand in the mirror for a brief moment before looking up again, watching the back of Sam's head. "I'm fucking blowing this, huh?"

"Pretty much," Sam agreed with a smile, his cheeks warming. "You really haven't talked to anybody outside of your crewmates for a while, hm?"

"No," Daniel mumbled dejectedly, and Sam bit his lip to prevent a giggle from escaping.

"I can tell."

There was a minute of quiet between them, the only sound being the motion of the water in the sink and the dishes clinking together as Sam rinsed them and wiped them down haphazardly. 

"Do you want help? I can dry."

Sam looked over his shoulder in surprise at the offer. Daniel looked sincere, so Sam nodded slightly and motioned for him to join him behind the bar. Now that they were standing right next to each other, Daniel's towering height and body heat were dizzying in Sam's peripheral as he struggled to keep his hands steady in the soapy water. Daniel dutifully took the ratty drying towel and gently dried off the glasses and plates as Sam handed them to him, both of them working in tense silence. Sam's mind spun as they fell into rhythm, wondering once again just what the hell was going on tonight. 

They were done in a quick 10 minutes, with Daniel drying the last dish with a flourish and training his blinding smile on Sam, who returned it with much less fervor. 

"What next?" Daniel asked brightly. Sam just looked at him for a second, squinting his eyes in confusion as he stared up at the kindly giant who was apparently more than ready for chores.

"Dude, we're closed," Sam explained. "And you don't work here. You're lucky I let you stay this long. You don't have to be here."

"I know, but I want to be," Daniel explained right back. "And you're lucky to have some company. So, what's next?"

"Uh," Sam stuttered, utterly flummoxed by Daniel. "Well, I was going to put the chairs up so I can mop."

"Okay, why don't you get the mopping stuff and I'll put the chairs up?"

"Well-"

It was too late for any kind of response because Daniel had already started shimmying out from behind the bar and making his way over to the sea of tables that had been knocked around and moved all night, straightening them up and effortlessly lifting chairs with a single hand and sitting them gently on the wood. Sam hesitated for only a minute, watching Daniel work to a tune he had started humming, absently wringing his cold hands before wiping them on his apron and shuffling off to the maintenance closet to pull out the mop and bucket. By the time he had wrangled them out, Daniel had managed to get every chair off the ground, allowing Sam to flop the old mop onto the hardwood and start pushing clean water across it. 

"Careful or I'm going to mop you into a corner," Sam threatened, starting towards Daniel with the mop. Daniel yelped in mock fear, backing away dramatically with his hands up. Sam let his front fall for a moment at seeing Daniel play along so easily, smiling as he lifted the mop off the ground and held it out towards Daniel, swinging a spray of floor water towards the sailor. Daniel yelped for real then, laughing as he tip toed his way back towards the bar, perching on one of the bolted down stools as Sam snickered to himself, continuing his mopping route.

"You're a beast with that thing," Daniel encouraged, kicking his leg up onto the stool and resting his cheek against his knee. "How long have you been a mopping prodigy?"

"Well, I've been the designated mopper since I was 12, so about 10 years now," Sam said, and Daniel let out a low whistle. 

"I'm surprised they started you on it that late. Did you do any work here before that?"

"Some," Sam offered, redipping the mop. "More cleaning stuff. I couldn't serve until after we inherited it, so I had sort of a late start on that front." 

"Jake told us about that." Daniel paused. "I'm sorry about your parents."

"It's alright," Sam answered immediately, the response mechanical after so many years of sentiments. He couldn't even begin to delve back into the emotions their accident brought. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Another lull, save for the sound of water.

"My folks bit it, too."

Sam's grip on the mop shifted and he had to fight it from falling over, looking over to Daniel at the bar, whose face was still chipper despite his statement.

"Same thing too, actually," Daniel continued, his hand tracing the motion of waves. "Spot of bad weather on a trip and down they went. The sea is a merciless mistress."

"I-I'm sorry to hear that," Sam stammered, shocked at how blasé Daniel was about such a trauma, especially considering how much he could relate.

"As you said, it's alright, and thank you," Daniel grinned, nuzzling his cheek into his knee further. "I forgave her."

"Her?"

"The sea," Daniel explained, his eyes twinkling slightly. "She can't help but do what she does. Sometimes it means getting a little rough and taking a few of our own. She can't stop it, and neither can I. All I can do is try and bend to her ever changing will."

"Sounds like you two have a complicated relationship," Sam joked as he mopped himself back towards the maintenance closet. Daniel laughed and he nearly bowed under the weight of it, instead gripping the sweat slick handle of the mop a little tighter.

"Maybe we do," Daniel laughed, watching Sam with a fierce grin. "But I love it. She's my life, my lover, my lady."

"Is that so?" Sam leaned the mop back inside the closet, taking advantage of the door shielding him from seeing Daniel for a second. "Then what are you doing here with a landlubber like me?"

There was no reply, forcing Sam to close the door and make eye contact with Daniel again, who was still staring at him with that frustratingly ever present smile ghosting his rosy lips. 

"Because I'm going to need someone to hang out with while I'm here," Daniel said simply. "And Jake told me you're my best bet."

Sam couldn't help but let an inappropriately timed laugh escape then, rolling his eyes to the ceiling and crossing his arms.

"Jake, you bitch," he spoke to the sky. "He said the same damn thing to me tonight."

"Ha! He's never struck me as the matchmaker type," Danny chuckled. "What a sly dog." 

"I wouldn't call it matchmaking," Sam protested, bending to lift the mop bucket and struggling to get it off the ground, flushing in embarrassment. In a flash, Daniel was on his feet and in front of Sam, taking the bucket from him and carrying it like it was a glass of water.

"I would," Daniel argued back. "Where do you need this?"

"Uh, the sink," Sam replied meekly, waving towards the sink. "If you get it there, I can dump it."

"Don't bother, I got it," Daniel insisted, strolling over to the sink and tipping the gray, foamy water down the drain. "Come on, you're not going to let me take you out?"

"I already told you, I'm not that kind of guy," Sam doubled down, tucking hair behind his ear as he watched Daniel shake the last of the water out. "Gimme that."

"I suppose you'll want this back too?"

Daniel held the bucket aloft and in his same curled hand, Sam's silk hair ribbon hung down, the longest bit of lilac thread nearly grazing the inside of the bucket. Sam let an involuntary quiet gasp fly, feeling his cheeks flush once again as he stomped towards Daniel, reaching out for the bucket and ribbon. Daniel held it even higher then, giggling down at Sam as he stood on his tiptoes and struggled for his things.

"You're a fucking kleptomaniac, you know that, right?" Sam hissed in frustration. "It's a disease, and buddy, you have it tenfold."

"One date, that's all I ask," Daniel cooed. "Jake said you'd be tough, so I came prepared to wear you down."

"Jake said what?!"

"He saaaaid,'' Daniel began, lifting the bucket and ribbon even higher when Sam made a springing jump for them, grabbing desperately. "That his little brother was a sweetheart pretending to be a real tough cookie and in desperate need of a date."

"Lies and slander," Sam seethed. "Jake was lying through his teeth to prank you. You've been pranked. Now bite the bullet and give me my things back, please!"

"Mm, no, see, he said you'd say something like that," Daniel hummed, backing up against the bar as Sam stalked closer. "He said there were few things you'd be unable to resist and that I had the most of those qualifications out of our crew. Therefore, I was deemed the lucky fellow tasked with treating you right."

"Oh, really? And what are these alleged traits I find so irresistible?" 

"He said you were a sucker for dark hair," Daniel smiled, cocking his head so his glossy curls swung around his flushed face. "Especially curly hair. He said you like freckles, and green eyes, but most of all you like someone who can handle your attitude."

Sam stood there silently, his heart pounding in his ears as he attempted to glare a hole through the center of Daniel's head.

"You don't have green eyes," Sam pointed out, his voice still dark with frustration. "And I can barely see your freckles." 

"But you admit I'm doing a good job of handling your attitude."

"Stop putting fucking words in my mouth!"

"Stop fighting me and admit you're enjoying yourself!" Daniel crowed, the bucket swinging happily over his head. "You already like having me around. I'm charming, and I'm useful, and I'll pay for your dinner." 

They stared each other down, inches apart, Sam's already burnt out brain churning desperately to make sense of the situation and figure out how to proceed with such a relentless prick holding him up like this. Finally, he dropped back down to the balls of his feet and let his arms rest at his side, letting out a furious huff through his nose and walking away from Daniel.

"Keep them, I could give a fuck," Sam declared. "I'm going the fuck home. Get the fuck out."

Daniel laughed again, and Sam could've strangled him for it. He heard the clank of the bucket hitting the floor and then the soft tread of Daniel's footsteps approaching. He drew in a sharp breath when Daniel's arm came around his side and extended the ribbon to him, his palm up as if in surrender. 

"At least let me walk you home," Daniel maintained, his voice low and velvet soft. "I don't want any criminals snatching you up on your way."

Sam's hand came up and gently took the ribbon from Daniel, the tips of his finger grazing the warm roughness of his hand and then retreating just as quickly, tucking the ribbon into his pocket. He sighed deeply and looked over his shoulder, trying not to startle physically when he realized how close Daniel was, the front of his dark linen top nearly grazing the curve of Sam's back. 

"Get your coat," Sam muttered, stepping out of the near embrace and making his way to the back door. "And stay away from the register."

Daniel laughed as he went back for his corduroy jacket, sneaking a look at the back of Sam's head and graceful figure.

"You really think I'm a lowdown dirty thief, don't you?" Daniel accused, catching up to Sam and opening the door before he got the chance, a gesture which Sam begrudgingly accepted as he stepped out for the second time that night. 

"Yes, I do," Sam agreed, all but yanking Daniel out the door and locking the door with a firm click that soothed his soul a little, certain the craziness of the night was locked away with it.

"You have no idea," Daniel murmured mysteriously, dipping down to hum it in Sam's ear. The feeling of his hot breath ghosting the cold shell of his ear sent chills down Sam's neck that made him involuntarily speed up his pace as they walked down the dim, quiet alleyway. 

This walk usually took about 10 minutes when he walked with Josh, slowing his speed ever so slightly to account for the gangly legs that Josh simply did not possess. However, with Daniel beside him, Sam arrived at his door in record time, not needing to check the time to know it had been about half his usual time. Daniel had tried a few times to strike up a conversation, but Sam had chosen to satiate him only with simple replies and looks, far too worn out to put up with his relentless cheer any longer. 

"Well, this is me," Sam said with finality, pulling his keys out again and giving Daniel a polite smile. "Thank you for walking me home, it was nice to meet you."

"Of course," Daniel replied, his eyes tracing over Sam's face as Sam quietly slid the key into the lock and opened the door a crack. Before Sam could get inside and finally wind down for the night, Daniel reached out and grasped his arm with gentle force, turning Sam ever so slightly towards him.

"Listen, before I go," Daniel began, his perky expression fading ever so slightly into a calmer look Sam couldn't quite read, his features softened by the hazy moonlight. "I know I've been a lot, and I know you probably don't care for me very much, but I really would like to take you to dinner tomorrow."

Sam let out a long, heavy sigh, looking longingly towards the door. Once inside, he would be able to fall into his nice, warm, comfy bed and just sleep. He could even sleep in if he wanted to, and then in the morning, he would get to hang out with his brother, whom he hadn't seen in 2 full years. But here he was, being tugged on by an aggressively cheerful sailor, who was also aggressively into him. Standing on worn, tired legs, in the cold, in the dead of night. There was only one thing standing between him and that sleep he was fantasizing about.

"Sure," Sam finally agreed, shifting awkwardly to accommodate the grin that burst onto Daniel's face at the affirmation. "If it'll get you off my doorstep."

"Wonderful," Daniel said, his smile bleeding into his voice. "Meet me at the pub by the inn at 5 tomorrow. I'll have you back before your shift starts."

"How do you know when-"

"Have a good night," Daniel cut him off, patting Sam's shoulder before spinning on his heel and setting off towards the inn, whistling the jukebox tune he'd played earlier in the night as Sam watched his dark form bounce away. 

Sam waited until he was out of sight to release the tension he'd been holding in his chest in the form of a fast, hot huff of breath, bracing himself against the doorway as he took in another drink of cool air and tried to stave off the perplexing dizzying feeling that overcame him. He entered his house as quietly as he could and shut the door firmly behind him, his fingertips shaking from the adrenaline that had overcome him and seized every bodily motion with uncomfortable velocity. Clenching and unclenching his fists in an attempt to get it out of his system, Sam silently padded by Josh's room, listening only for a second before he heard the soft and unmistakable rattle of the snoring his brother claimed not to do. Next, he stopped in front of Jake's door, finding it ajar and peeking in to see him curled up on top of the blanket and sheets, one of his comically large wide brimmed hats sat crookedly on his head and tipped over his face. Sam went to shut the door but stopped halfway, recalling a memory of Jake tossing a shoe at his head when they were much younger, bitching to keep the door open because he "needed the air". Sam left it open, and retreated to his room.

Sam immediately collapsed on the edge of his bed, slipping his shoes off and ridding himself of his shirt and pants in a flurry of motion, rolling over with a grunt and taking the blanket with him.  He faced the wall for a few minutes, trying to steady his breathing so he could dip into the sleep he so desperately craved, but his eyes didn't close and his mind didn't slow to allow unconsciousness. He turned so he was laying on his back, pulling the covers over his bare chest and staring up at the blank ceiling, trying to clear his mind. 

It was around 5am when Sam finally got his shut eye, sinking back into his thin pillow with his lips parted, the darkness outside starting to lift with the first flickers of morning light. It had only taken an hour of tossing, turning, and indulging in the relentless parade of images flickering against his eyelids, counting the freckles on the strange sailor's nose until he drifted away.

~~~

[holdinbacksecrets]

seventeen: chapter 1 to page 218

♡it’s a tuesday when you receive the keys to your new apartment. the city feels like a brand new book: edges crisp and vibrant, title alluring. the first chapter’s name keeps a spotlight in your mind, and he’s sitting in the lobby. he sees you with your suitcases. there’s three; they’re periwinkle. your mother sent them- the last package to arrive before your move. he’s on the phone, but he smiles at you, softly, like he knows the scent of waterfront landscape hasn’t yet embedded you, but it’s going to (jeonghan, jun, mingyu)

♡the life behind his door floods through the wood, through the light escaping from the crack just above the floor. you wonder how that happens. how a life is so radiant. you wonder for weeks. the thought keeps you busy on every elevator ride until your paths meet, and one focused gaze unravels understanding. a pool of brown, so inviting. a ring of golden hugs each pupil. you take a step forward as if a dive into them would hasten the journey to his heart, like it’s a possible option, entirely within reason. patience. be patient (hansol)

♡he’s moonlight, somehow. nothing else feels right. no other description melts into his name, into his aura quite the same. but he hates the darkness nighttime brings. he hates any moment clouds cover the glowing, guiding satellite. he hates the sky for reminding him of you. it never used to, not before his next door neighbor became his best friend, became his lover, became a craved, crescent disaster (minghao, seungkwan)

♡you gave pieces of yourself away every time he came inside. a leaky faucet. a squeaky door. he wondered if you even tried to fix the broken things. he wondered if they’re even bothersome, or if you’re lonely, seeking another in the space that can’t quite reach Home. there are too many corners it’s yet to seep into, but he’s a distraction. he hides the hollow spaces, sprinkles warmth before he goes. it lasts. you think of him, he lingers longer, and then you’re asking him back for more. he alters the pitch. his tone creates a welcomed depth. so yes, he helps: you’re baking again; you’re barefoot, drinking tea on the balcony each morning; you’re seeping into the corners, and it feels like home (seungcheol, joshua, chan)

♡there’s a spiderweb on your ceiling. you only know because you’re laying on the floor. you watched the fan spin spinning, ready for takeoff, and then your eyes shifted. the spiderweb is missing its dweller. you wonder where it’s gone. if it’s hiding, collecting supplies, letting tiny, spider-curiosity guide a spontaneous journey. you smile: you have a roommate. the smile sticks through your travels to the mailroom where you ask the man who’s always there on thursday evenings after dinner if he wants to see something. he lays beside you. he wonders aloud if this something is the ceiling fan. you giggle. his heart melts. you point to the spiderweb. “i have a roommate until you agree to live with me.” “can it keep my side of the bed warm?” “sleeping quarters don’t include my bedroom. did you hear that, little guy? we’re not as close as he and i.” “thank god. i was starting to worry.” “ mmm, predictable.” “…can i keep your bed warm tonight?” “the night of a snowstorm? absolutely.” (soonyoung, wonwoo, jihoon, seokmin)

[llovelymoonn]

favourite poems of may

david baker whale fall

gary fincke the girl who breathes through a hole in her neck

gerald stern loneliness

mary oliver music lesson

chen jun in the kitchen (tr. ming di)

arthur sze pe’ahi light

jennifer elise foerster leaving tulsa: “leaving tulsa”

caconrad lonely deep affection

tishani doshi girls are coming out of the woods: “how to be happy in 101 days”

joshua corey mrs. god

kamau brathwaite born to slow horses: “bread”

jennifer kwon dobbs paper pavilion: “digital archive”

kimberly nguyen pregnant pauses

lucille clifton the book of light: “brothers”

pippa little the summer i lived as a wolf

natasha sajé alive

marjorie meeker colour of water

rae armantrout veil: new and selected poems: “dusk”

yi sang au magasin de nouveautes (tr. sawako nakayasu)

tracy k. smith wade in the water: “dusk”

billy collins the breather

leah umansky unleashed

javier zamora how i learned to walk

jacob trapp portrait

satoru sato susuki and dragonflies

jinhao xie moonlight

maya emilia another bomb set off in

eleanor ross tayler captive voices: “against the kitchen wall”

giovanna lomanto i’ll pray for you when you leave

mary oliver in the blackwater woods

natalie diaz when my brother was an aztec: “abecedarian requiring further examination of anglikan seraphym subjugation of a wild indian rezervation”

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[walkswithmyfather]

‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭13:5‭-‬8‬ ‭(NIV‬‬). “Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” So we say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?” Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.”

“When Loneliness Overwhelms” By In Touch Ministries:

“What should you do when you feel alone?”

“Solitude can be nice—relaxing, even—especially after a busy day or a long shift at work. Spending time alone can leave you feeling recharged and rested. But loneliness is different.

So, what should you do if you feel lonely? First, ask yourself if you’ve accepted Jesus’ invitation to have a personal relationship with Him. He is the nearest, dearest friend you can ever have. Second, remember that God repeatedly promises that He will never leave or abandon you. (See Deuteronomy 31:6; Joshua 1:5; Joshua 1:9; Psalm 27:10; John 14:18.) You can also:

Pray. Ask the Lord to help you have a right understanding of who you are as His child. Scripture tells us that God loves us with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3) and that He is a friend who sticks closer than a brother (Proverbs 18:24). Ask Him to help you to feel His love and friendship.

Memorize the Lord’s promises. We mentioned a few up above, but are there any you want to add?

Prayerfully examine Scripture to find a few that encourage you.

Pray about godly friendships. Ask God to bring the right people into your life—particularly those with whom you can laugh and pray. Friendship is an extension of the Lord’s love and goodness in your life.”

[wongyuuu]

seventeen as songs from red (ts)

a/n: for this, i'll be giving songs and lyrics to each of the members, as well as small plots based on those lyrics. i don't plan to write all of these, but they are still my ideas (as basic as some of them might be). so if you are interested in writing one of them, you can message me about it. if you want to read one of them you can send in a request and i'll write for you

red | 1989 | reputation | lover | folklore | midnights

• Seungcheol ➝ Red Faster than the wind, passionate as sin, ending so suddenly ↳ Seungcheol is a clandestine race driver, all bad boy, but his entire life changes once he meets you ↣ read here

• Jeonghan ➝ Everything Has Changed And all my walls stood tall, painted blue But I'll take 'em down, take 'em down And open up the door for you ↳ Jeonghan always held back in his relationships but when you come into his life, like a sudden thunderstorm, he can't help but let you in.

• Joshua ➝ The Very First Night But don't forget about the night out in L.A Dance in the kitchen, chase me down through the hallway No one knows about the words that we whispered ↳ Joshua has always been your best friend so when the two of you go on a trip together the feelings you've been holding back for years finally boil over.

• Jun ➝ Begin Again But on a Wednesday, in a café, I watched it begin again ↳ everyday Jun goes to the same café in hopes that one day he’ll get enough courage to ask the cute barista out. ↣ read here

• Soonyoung➝ Treacherous Forever going with the flow But you're friction ↳ you were always the kind of kid who followed the rules and that didn't change as you grew up. So what happens when you move to another city and your new neighbor, Soonyoung, is the most spontaneous person you've ever met and is adamant in taking you along to all of his adventures?

• Wonwoo ➝ Come Back… Be Here One last kiss, then catch your flight Right when I was about to fall I told myself, "Don't get attached" But in my mind, I play it back Spinning faster than the plane that took you ↳ when you agreed to a date with the popular idol you promised yourself that you would never catch feelings for him. But once is time to say goodbye, when his job demands he travels to another country, you find yourself reluctant to say goodbye.

• Jihoon ➝ I Bet You Think About Me "Oh my god, she's insane, she wrote a song about me" I bet you think about me ↳ Jihoon is usually the one writing songs about his relationships, so it surprises him when he comes across a song written about him.

• Minghao ➝ The Moment I Knew A million little shining stars that just align ↳ Minghao used to have stars in his eyes whenever he looked at you, so when they're gone you don't know where that leaves you.

• Mingyu ➝ State of Grace So you were never a saint and I loved in shades of wrong We learn to live with the pain, mosaic broken hearts But this love is brave and wild ↳ you were always one to fall in love with the wrong guy, but what if the wrong guy turns out to be the right one?

• Seokmin ➝ Message In A Bottle And I became hypnotized By freckles and bright eyes, tongue-tied ↳ Seokmin has many beauty spots all over his body, you make a point of knowing each one of them. ↣ read here

• Vernon ➝ I Almost Do I bet you think I either moved on or hate you 'Cause each time you reach out, there's no reply I bet it never, ever occurred to you That I can't say hello to you and risk another goodbye ↳ After a bad breakup, Vernon wants to get in touch with you again - even if it's just to apologize - but the task is harder than expected. So he decides to leave voice messages to you, in hopes that you'll hear them.

• Seungkwan ➝ Run So you laugh like a child And I'll sing like no one cares No one to be and no one to tell I could see this view a hundred times Pale blue sky reflected in your eyes ↳ Seungkwan decides to take you on a date under the stars.

• Chan ➝ 22 We're happy, free, confused, and lonely in the best way It's miserable and magical, oh yeah Tonight's the night when we forget about the heartbreaks ↳ in a desperate attempt to take his mind off of his recent breakup, Chan invites all of his friends to a karaoke night at his place. And, maybe, that's where he finds the one he's been looking for.

taglist: @wonwooz1, @ryuwonieebae, @sobun1est, @mirtaspace, @ho34gojo, @feat-sun, @wonvsmile, @mhlsymlysn, @swinterr, @immabecreepin, @uniq-tastic, @miriamxsworld

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[jakekiszkaenthusiast]

i see it- j.m.k

warnings: SMUT, lil bit of degradation never hurt nobody, enemies to lovers, semi public sex??

anger. resentment. indignation. rage.

whatever you wanted to call it, it was clear and profound. your leg bounces against your chair, while your fingers tap a quick, messy beat into the glass you’re holding.

the silence within your group of friends was stiff, and tired. they were so used to these pauses- the ones where no one feels as if they can speak, while a quiet battle wages on before their eyes. a standoff between two people, tense and unforgiving, for all to see.

“you got no response? no shitty little remark to make?”

josh’s voice captures your attention, but you refuse to look at him. instead, you shake the glass, the rattling of the ice being the only sound for a moment. he scoffs, leaning back into his seat and crossing his arms over his chest.

“that’s what i thought.” he mutters, catching the roll of your eyes and mirroring them.

“are you guys gonna keep doing this all night, or can we all-”

“-i just think it’s fucking funny that you actually, genuinely believe you have any say in what i do, or wear.” you cut jake, always the mediator between you and josh, off with a hand and a bitter tongue.

jake merely shakes his head and nurses his drink, defeated. he was fighting a losing battle, and would be a stupid man to get in your way when either of you were like this. he knew, maybe better than anyone, that his twin brother was a force no one could reckon with, and secretly thought that perhaps his brother had met his match in finding you.

“maybe stop dressing like a slut, and i’ll shut up.” josh shoots back, and you laugh without mirth.

“oh now joshua, don’t tease.” you say, because there’s really nothing you’d want more than for him to stop talking.

“i’m just saying, if you’re dressed like a whore, you can’t expect people to respect you. i know i don’t.”

“who says i give a fuck about respect, or you, for that matter? all you are is my friend’s asshole brother. you don’t matter to me, and i wouldn’t be shocked if no one cared about you.”

“god, you’re a bitch and a slut. no surprise you’re single- no one can stand to be around you for longer than a minute. does it ever get lonely?”

usually his words would bounce off of you, and you’d shoot back with a remark even more harsh than his. you’d both end up with ugly scowls across your faces and one of your friends changing the subject in poor attempts to keep the peace. usually.

maybe you had drank too much, the alcohol taking control of more than just your words. maybe it was because josh was incessant and cruel, and you no longer had the energy to fight back. either way, you found yourself slamming your glass against the table and your legs carrying you in the direction of the bathrooms before you could stop to think.

the door slams behind you. you’re cold and hot at the same time, shivers taking over your shoulders while your body overwhelms with heat from the inside of your chest. looking up at yourself in the mirror, you sigh. maybe you were dressed provocatively. josh was right.

you feel even more angry at that thought. you hated that tiny possibility of josh being right, hated when he managed to catch you off guard and make you feel meaningless and small. he was a raging asshole.

the door behind you flies open with a crash, revealing a red-faced and thoroughly pissed off josh. he stormed into the tiny room, getting too close for your liking, invading your space with his cologne.

“you’re really that sensitive?” he speaks just barely above a yell, his fists clenched.

“i don’t want to speak to you right now.” your eyes meet in the mirror.

“too bad. you really can’t take what i give you, huh? you want me to walk away just so your feelings don’t get hurt?”

josh steps closer, glaring so hard his eyebrows almost touch, his breath ragged with barely contained rage. you grip the counter, refusing to give him an answer to pick apart and spit back out at you.

“i don’t give a fuck about your feelings.” he whispers, and you’re suddenly aware of just how close he is. you feel the warmth of his body, feel the brush of his white shirt against your back.

you manage to twist your body to face him, leaning back against the counter with a startled breath catching in your throat. his eyes flick down to your lips for a brief second, before finding your eyes again.

“fuck. you.” you spit out through gritted teeth, staring defiantly into his face.

“i bet you’d love that, whore.” he murmurs.

you open your mouth to shoot back something cruel, but his hand stops you. he silences you, watching as your eyes widen and you try to pull away, but to no avail.

“shut up for once.”

you wrestle against him, thrashing your head from side to side. your hands grab his wrist, digging your nails into his skin and tightly squeezing, trying your hardest to pull him away from you. josh laughs at your efforts, using barely any of his strength to render you immobile and frustrated.

when you still, slumped against the counter with a deep sigh, he removes his hand, ghosting it across your cheek to hold you there, his other hand joining soon after. he tugs your face closer to him, and you can see all the specks of gold in his eyes.

you’re silent, staring at him with dumbfounded surprise. he’d never been this close to you, nor had he ever laid a finger on you. this closeness, the strong, sturdy weight of his chest pressing against yours makes your throat tighten, and you can’t seem to find your breath.

without warning, you’re leaning in, chasing his mouth with yours, just barely grazing his lips before he pulls away. he looks at you with a smirk, a quirk in his eyebrows betraying that this was his exact plan.

“you wanna kiss me?” he says quietly, his fingertips pressing into your cheeks.

you nod embarrassingly fast, letting go of his wrists to grab at his jaw. he breathes a laugh, his tongue darting out to wet his bottom lip, before leaning in just close enough to run his lips against yours.

“you want me?”

to answer his question, you tug on his neck and crash your lips to his. you don’t let either one of you come up for air, and quickly slip your tongue into his mouth, deepening the kiss.

he groans into your mouth, sweeping his hand across the back of your neck and tangling his fingers with your hair. you can’t get him close enough, it seems. your fingers scrabble at his back, his shirt, his neck, his hair- anywhere you can touch you’re digging your nails into, gasping into the kiss and pulling him tighter.

josh pulls on your hair to break the kiss, laughing breathlessly when you still try to chase his mouth. your hands are still wandering anywhere you can reach, dancing across the unexplored and new territory that was his body. you’d had the displeasure of knowing him for years, and yet you’d never been given the opportunity to touch him. you privately wished you had never been denied such a delectable chance.

“where’s this been hiding all these years, hm? how long have you wanted to do that?” he asks, smirking at your flushed cheeks.

“how long have you wanted to do that, joshua?” you bite back, tugging on a curl and watching his eyelashes flutter.

when he rolls his eyes and kisses you again, you laugh into his mouth. he lost any ounce of secrecy the moment you felt how hard he was against your thigh.

this time, josh is the one who grabs and pulls you into him. his fingers are tight and desperate against your hips, and he doesn’t have to say a word to order you to jump, effortlessly sliding you onto the counter and slotting himself between your legs.

“if anyone catches us, i swear to fucking god” you groan, suddenly remembering exactly where you were, and horrifyingly, how the door did not lock behind josh.

“let them watch” he mutters against your lips.

you can’t help the sound that rips out of you- the combination of his filthy implications and the pressure of him against your soaked panties was enough to make you crumble, fully submitting to his touch. he pulls away, replacing his mouth with his hand once more.

“if you make another sound i’ll stop, and you’ll have to sit out there with our friends with a mess between your legs. we don’t want that, do we?”

rapidly you shake your head, breathing heavily against his hand.

“that’s what i thought. good girl.”

another noise escapes you. your eyes flutter shut when you feel his fingers pressing between your legs, gently smoothing circles into your underwear.

“you like me calling you that, good girl?”

you nod so quickly you fear your head may fall off, ignoring any ounce of humiliation you know you’re supposed to feel.

“it’s a shame. a dirty slut like you could never be a good girl.” he speaks low into your ear, sending shockwaves through your chest to your toes.

“you dress like a whore. you like to pretend you’re all innocent, but i know the truth. i know you.”

his fingers change from their languid, calm actions, shoving your underwear roughly to the side and sliding between your folds. the corner of his mouth twitches, noting how wet you are.

“i know that you like when we argue, because i get you all worked up- you always rush off to touch yourself in secret, don’t you?”

swirls around your clit force your eyes to the back of your head. your body sags, slumping down as he deftly works over you, occasionally running a finger against your entrance, but never slipping inside, no matter how badly you conveyed you wanted it.

“wishing it was me, wishing i would take all my anger out on you with my cock, yeah?.”

you feel like you’re on fire, you’re that worked up. he slides his finger inside of you and you almost unravel then and there- he has you so tightly wound, practically wrapped around his finger, you could explode at any moment. he curls his finger into your sweet spot, and you think you’re going to evaporate into nothing.

“it’s almost funny how badly you want me. you know i can see your thighs squeeze together when i call you names, right? i see what i do to you without even laying a finger on you.”

a second finger finds its way inside of you, and he finally gives you the movement you’ve been silently begging for, sliding in and out of you with a sweet pace that makes your thighs shake.

“prove you’re a good girl and cum on my fingers, okay? be a sweet little princess and give it to me.” he commands in such a gentle voice you could almost believe it was a request; that he was asking for it and not demanding it from you.

embarrassingly, you’re almost there already. the manner in which he spoke to you, soft voice with filthy words, and the speed and skill of his fingers felt more perfect and right than anything you’ve ever experienced. you try to remind yourself that he was someone you hated, someone you’d rather hit with your car than fuck, but you involuntarily shut those thoughts out with a carnal, unstoppable chanting of his name. you aren’t sure if you’re speaking out loud or in your mind, and you aren’t bothered enough to care either way.

your orgasm hits you like a wall, crashing into you and setting you on fire. you just barely hear josh’s voice coaxing you through it, floating away into the feeling of pleasure coating your body. he brushes his thumb over your clit, and you almost scream at the sensitivity, arching your back and whining softly.

“such a good little girl, you did exactly what i told you to do. so obedient.” he observes the wetness covering his fingers with lust-blown pupils, biting his lip.

despite the haze of your orgasm, you reach out for the button of his pants, tugging and pulling at the fabric until you find what you’re searching for, the object of your needs. you waste no time wrapping your hands around his cock, pumping him with a tight fist, running your thumb over the sensitive spot just under the head. he squeezes his eyes shut, letting his mouth hang open for a second.

“spread your legs again, need to fuck you. ‘m so hard-shit.” he commands with far less composure than the last time, his eyes half-lidded and soft while his hand grabs at your knees to open you to him again.

you take his cock with no effort, watching with wide eyes as his face scrunches up, barely able to control it. the very moment he fills you up is one you’d love to live in forever. the slow glide of him stretching you out, his fingers grabbing at the sides of your thighs, that delicious, burning end to all the anticipation- it was overwhelming, too much and not enough all in one fell swoop.

watching the furrow in his brow, hearing the catch in his throat when you clench tightly around him, feeling his tip brush against that sweet spot buried deep inside of you was intoxicating- dangerous and electrifying in the same way watching a fire dance and stumble with no control is, engulfing everything in its wake- you knew you’d forever chase this high, knew you’d never get it again. he was addictive.

josh tips his head back and groans into the air, a deep and throaty sound that makes you clench around him. he rocks his hips forward, his eyes rolling back momentarily, before repeating the action again. and again. and again. soon, he’s thrusting into you with no control or hesitation, squeezing your thighs so tightly you hope they’ll bruise.

you hold his head in your hands, running your fingers over his cheekbones, and pull him close to you. your mouths touch, but you never kiss. neither one of you feels the need to extend the contact into anything more- frankly, moaning against each other’s mouths, panting and whining openly for just the other to hear, is more intimate than kissing.

“fuck, you feel so good.” he whispers, in a voice far more soft and desperate than you’re sure he wants, his hips speeding up.

“please don’t fucking stop.” you gasp out, clutching the back of his head with shaking fingers.

“wouldn’t even if i could.” he replies, so far gone he can’t control the speed of his hips or the words coming out of his mouth.

lost in the moment, you both lose time. the feeling of him everywhere, his lips grazing your jaw, his fingers on your hips and between your legs, his cock sliding in and out, the smell of his skin- everything. it makes you dizzy and warm, and you’re not sure how long you’re both lost in the swirls of pleasure floating around your heads, but you know you’d pay disgusting amounts of money to stay like this for a lot longer.

josh pulls you back to the present with a loud cry, his eyebrows knotting together and his mouth hanging open. just knowing what was about to happen was enough to push you over the edge, and you’re suddenly both careening into your own personal heaven, handcrafted and made just for you.

his hips still roll into you as you both cum, and you whine. you’re so sensitive, you can hardly cope, pressing your head against the wall behind you while loud sounds are forced past your lips. you push a hand against his stomach, begging for a reprieve, but his eyes are closed.

“can’t stop, feels too fucking good. can’t stop cumming- fuck.” he pants.

tears brim beneath your eyelids, your hips lift up and twist, trying their hardest to escape the overwhelming sensation as he keeps moving, driving his cock deeper and deeper into your sweet spot.

an inhuman noise leaves him, and he’s cumming again. his abdomen flexes, while his cock throbs so hard inside of you, you almost expect him to explode. he hisses when you clench down on him, warning him to stop, and he quickly pulls out, taking hold of himself and sighing deeply.

he’s still twitching when he helps you clean up, tenderly wiping between your thighs with one hand, while the other still cups his cock. you run a teasing finger along his length, and laugh when he practically jumps away from your touch, tensing and glaring coldly at your amused face.

“what you gonna do, yell at me? you’ll just get hard again.” you challenge, watching his eyes darken for a brief moment.

“i see how much you like calling me names, joshua. you’re not as subtle as you think.”

[brightwanderer]

A phoenixflare idea I may or may not explore in fic at some point: Joshua falls first.

By, oh, give or take 20 years or so.

It’s hero-worship when they meet as children. Joshua is painfully aware that Clive is the one the Phoenix should have chosen, while he’s a frail pile of embers terrified he can’t live up to expectations. Dion, meanwhile, is the strong, brave, perfect heir, who bears Bahamut’s strength so easily, so chivalrous and noble. Everything Clive should have had, everything Joshua wishes he could be - and yet beneath it all, the compelling hint of a loneliness and uncertainty Joshua knows well.

Then, Phoenix Gate. Joshua loses everything. He spends his adolescence being raised in secret and shuffled around by a cult that worships him as something close to a god. Even his closest companion cannot treat him as an equal. I’m sure he’s lonely, and as he learns more of Ultima, I’m sure he longs for someone else to share the burden.

Imagine Joshua drinking in every story he hears of Dion the Bold. Maybe he daydreams about the handsome prince sweeping in to take him away from this stressful, secretive life. Maybe he imagines them joining forces to save the world. Maybe as he gets older, other thoughts creep in, fuelled by everything he hears about how handsome Prince Dion is as an adult.

(Maybe he hears rumours that the prince does not care for women, and maybe it makes his heart flutter with ridiculous hope.)

(Maybe he also has some fairly intense thoughts about what a man with a body like Dion’s could do to him in, on, or anywhere near a bed, but let’s keep this relatively PG.)

Imagine Joshua nursing this crush for years, for more than a decade. Clinging to it like a long-lost keepsake, finding it changes with him as he grows: from something innocent to something heated to something complicated and deep.

Because when he’s old enough and strong enough to travel on his own, of course his ears still prick up at every mention of Dion’s name. The battles he’s fought for the Empire. The orders he’s been given, sometimes less than honourable. The Empire’s growing greed, first glimpsed in the treachery at Phoenix Gate, now writ large in its annexation of Rosaria - then later in the invasion of the Crystalline Dominion. The people all say Dion is a good man, a thoughtful leader, a true prince. Is he uneasy with the change in his country and his father? Does he see the shadows lengthening too? Or is he complicit, no longer the shining idol of Joshua’s youth?

And Joshua is smart enough to doubt his own motives. He wants to approach Dion as a potential ally, but can he trust his own judgement? Does he really believe, in objective terms, that Dion will help him - or is he still in love with the stories he told himself all those years?

(And can he bear it, if it turns out Dion isn’t who Joshua wants him to be?)

So he hesitates. He waits. He waits until events make it clear that the Emperor intends to pass over Dion in favour of Olivier. Joshua knows then that whatever else, Dion is not a part of his father’s scheming. Approaching him is a risk worth taking now, as long as Joshua can put aside his childish daydreams and unrequited longing, meet the man as he truly is, see past the fantasy.

No wonder he’s tight as a wire when he steps into that tent. No wonder he keeps his hands gripped out of sight behind his back. No wonder he moves like every step, every breath, every word, is one he considered beforehand. No wonder he buys himself a few seconds picking up the fallen flower, restoring it, keeping his eyes off Dion as he fights his pounding heart.

And no wonder Joshua blames himself, after the fall of Drake’s Tail, that he didn’t go to Dion sooner.

[gfcheol]

lover | h. joshua

pairing: joshua x reader

genre: smut, fluff

word count: 1.4k

tags: sweet boyfriend!joshua, phone sex, reader is very needy, dirty talk, fluffiness

summary: you miss your very busy boyfriend during the wee hours of the night and decide to give him a call, to tell him just what exactly it is you miss...

exhaustion really was a horrible feeling to experience at 2am. all the tedious tasks of the day lay heavy in your bones, making your limbs feel numb and your eyes sore. you groaned into the darkness of your room. how on earth did people do this on a daily basis without needing a four week holiday after? a true mystery for the ages.

and still - what was worse than exhaustion? boredom. or well. feeling bored and needy for the attention of your lover who happened to be on tour on this dreadfully dull night.

you wondered if he was also tosding and turning in bed, thinking about you. you could almost picture him - laying on his stomach, in some far away luxurious hotel room, hair still damp and cheeks flushed from the shower he just took. heavens, what a sight to behold. you bit your lip at the thought of him, a sleepy grin playing on his gorgeous lips.

hesitantly, you reached for your phone, eyes squinting at the brightness of the screen.

[02:04] - 💕💕💕

sure, it was a vague message, but you still hoped it would elicit at least some kind of response. how embarrassing would it be to go all out on a sext, only for joshua to already be asleep. probably not that embarrassing - but still! you had your pride!

scrolling through your instagram feed to pass the time, you smiled at the image of your boyfriend. it was a simple picture one of his old high school friends had probably forced him to take, but you couldn’t care less about that in that moment. his face always had this soothing effect on you, calming your nerves. it felt as though his eyes were always trying to cheer you up, always trying to comfort. always such a gentleman.

[lover 02:12] - isn’t it 2am at home? baby you have work tomorrow

[lover 02:13] - is something wrong? are you ok?

you rolled your eyes at his caring nature, sinking your teeth into your bottom lip.

[02:13] - can’t a woman miss her boyfriend on a nice wednesday night?

[02:14] i’m a-ok babe how are you though?

[02:14] concert with the guys as fun as always?

[lover 02:15] 💕💕💕 i miss you too baby

[lover 02:15] i’m fine i just wish you could have come with me

[02:16] gosh i tried explaining it to my boss but she just couldn’t understand that i’m my boyfriend’s emotional support asshole and he needs me right by his side on tour 😩😩😩

[lover 02:17] 😂 stop

[lover 02:18] but really… any reason why you’re not sleeping yet?

[02:18] can u call me?

it took joshua mere seconds to call you, your phone softly buzzing in your grasp. the anticipation of hearing his voice was enough to make your heart skip a beat.

“hey, baby”, his voice was soft, almost a whisper if it weren’t for the faint raspiness, probably due to a lack of sleep. a wave of adoration flooded your heart at the sound of it.

“hey, handsome.”

“so what’s up? bad day at work?”

gosh, why did he make it so hard to be in a sexy mood when his default setting only consisted of sunshine and butterflies. the struggles you had to overcome were truly one of a kind.

you swallowed. “i couldn’t stop thinking of you. all alone, in your big empty hotel room.” you hoped to god, he’d pick up on what you were trying to do, without you having to spell it out.

there was shuffling on the other side of the line, followed by joshua clearing his throat. “oh? ’s that so? does my baby miss me?”

biting your lip, you nodded, momentarily forgetting the awkwardness of being needy all om your own. “yeah... i feel so lonely without you here. i wish you were with me. laying next to me.”

“what would you want me to do, baby? i want you describe it to me.”

you licked your lips, trying to lose yourself in the sound of his voice against your ear, your eyes shut. “uh- i- fuck. give me a second.”

it’s always been hard for you to shut your mind off. your mind and anxieties running in a never ending marathon that has no goal in sight. so needless to say, phone sex usually wasn’t your favourite way of relieving stress - but difficult times called for creative solutions.

joshua chuckled softly and you too, tried to suppress a grin. damn it, you were trying to be sexy. “take your time, it’s okay.”

an airy laugh. “no, wait- i almost got it”, kicking the heavy blanket off of your body, you sighed trying to push every unnecessary thought into the back of your mind for the time being. you shut your eyes once again. alright, ready for take two. “i love the picture you posted on your instagram. or maybe i just like looking at you.”

“yeah?” you heard him shifting around, probably trying to sink further into his covers.

“yeah”, you sighed into your phone. “you look so handsome, baby. so sexy. sometimes when you fuck me, i’m completely in awe because of the way you look. so disheveled and into it. fuck.”

“ah- fuck.” hearing joshua cuss always felt exciting. it seemed somewhat forbidden to hear such a proper gentleman like him, talk about all sorts of dirty and naughty things, just to get you off. “god, angel. i wish you were here right now. touching you, feeling your skin, kissing you…”

you rubbed your thighs together, soft whine escaping your lips. “wh- where would you kiss me?”

“everywhere, baby. your pretty lips, your neck, your - fuck - your perfect tits”, his breath hitched. “i love your tits so much, fuck. i’d love to bite them. seeing you squirm around, while biting down in them is always my favourite part. you’re adorable.”

you heard him starting to pant, a slight strain to his voice, causing a moan to slip from your lips. “are you hard, love?”

“fu- yeah, i am. god i’m so hard. what about you? are you wet for me?”

“yeah”, as if to prove it to him, your fingers dipped inside your panties, goosebumps covering your skin when you ran along your slit. “i’ve already soaked my panties.”

he groaned in response, only adding fuel to the fire you felt in your pussy. “fuck, baby. you’re doing so well, i love you so much.”

“s- shua.”

“say my name again, baby. please- fuck.” your eyes squeezed shut, you rubbed small circles on your clit, chest tight. it almost felt like you were there with him, hearing him growl into your ear like that.

“joshua. shua- baby. talk to me more, i need to hear your voice, i can’t do it withou you, baby.”

the groaning and shuffling noises grew louder, quicker, more desperate. your mind was reeling with the images of joshua's flushed face, stroking his cock in a frenzy, while listening to your voice.

“are you touching yourself?”, his voice sounded strained.

“y- yes.”

“good”, a huff. “i can’t wait to touch you myself again. always so beautiful, so fucking hot, babygirl.”

applying more pressure to your clit, you let out a moan at the petname - always having had a thing for the sound of it. “say my name again when you cum. can you do that? can you do that for me, babygirl?”

you nodded without thinking, words evading your mind as your head started spinning from the pleasure boiling inside you. your movements grew frantic as you listened to joshua spit into his palm for lubrication, your hips bucking into your touch involuntarily at the lewdness of it. “shua- hmmm. i’m so close.”

“i’d love to feel you cum around me, baby. i love it when i can feel you cumming on my cock- shit. you’re doing so good.”

“fuck!”, and with that you finally spasmed around nothing, your whole cunt throbbing as you let out a long, drawn out whine. joshua wasn’t far behind you, now fully set on chasing his high as you heard his groans turn into pants. you lazily smiled to himself. “you sound so sexy, baby. can you cum for me?”

“f- fuck, oh god”, a faint whimper.

“cum for me, love”, as soon as your words left your lips, his movements stilled, sighing your name in his final moments of ecstasy. your smile only grew wider, warmth spreading across your chest.

“and i just took a shower.”

you laughed, throwing your head back. “totally worth it though, right?”

the smile in his words was more than just evident as he replied. “you’re always worth it, babygirl.”

[insomniaruler]

Making my hyperfixations intersect bc I can!

Soooo….. some of the emperors and the Fear I think they’d serve

Scott

S1: The Lonely

- based mostly on aesthetic

- the cold

- died alone

- all his relationships failed kinda-

- rich (was a king)

S2: The Spiral

- once again based on aesthetics alone

- shifting colours

- two tone eyes

- just ✨appears✨

- kinda tragic if you want him to be (like Micheal:()

- gay

Shubble

S1: The Corruption (maybe the End)

- mushrooms and assorted fungi

- once again fucking tragic :(

- spread Xornoth’s corruption

S2: The Hunt (maybe the dark)

- Skulk-by Skulk-by Skulk-by

- easily angered

- seems normal at first

- took her shirt off <3

- lesbians

- in love with their gf / would kill for their partner

Jimmy:

S1: The Vast (or the Lonely)

- the ocean = the vast

- left everything and everyone behind = the lonely

- skrunkly little shit

- weird

- gets killed easily

S2: the End (maybe the Web)

- hnnngggg deaths canary goes brrrrrrr

- get’s killed a lot

- uh- mostly chose bc of the Canary Curse

- The Web because of the Watchers :P

Joel

S1: The Spiral

- colours <3

- was called the mad king

- lost everything because of a couple of decisions outside of his control :(

S2: the web (the stranger has a toe in the door

- mostly because of ‘Fear of change’ because of the fan theory that S1 = S2 joel

- the web because yknow, God

- also puppet Jimmy with Joel at the strings

Pix

S1: The Eye (or the end tbh)

- saw deaths come and go

- smart

- curious

- not much physical strength

- sarcastic

- Seemed to know things he shouldn’t have

- has the capacity for lots of violence (Phantom Assassin)

S2: The Web

- the lore man™️

- Seems to always have a hand in everything

- lots of spiders in the catacombs?



Lizzie

S1: The Vast (maybe the Lonely)

- the ocean

- ate a bit of the ocean = the sky ate my son ?

- alone out there on the ocean

- lots of boats

- almost scary?

S2: The Flesh (maybe not 100 on this one)

- animal

-

Fwhip (right off the bat The Eye because Admin)

S1: the Desolation

- haha funny explody man

- explosions are his jam

- burned his life to the ground

S2: The Buried

- lives underground

- uhhh- affiliated w death bc of Jimmy?

- funky

- can be ignored by sheer force of will alone (Joshua Gillespie my beloved)

[caravelmp3]

when i get my hands on you

pairing: josh kiszka x female!reader warning(s): mention of alcohol and josh uses the nickname ‘baby’ a lot  word count: 1.9k synopsis: josh returns to nashville after tour and heads to his girlfriend’s new place for the first time where she had prepared for his return.  note: oh my god be prepared to read the most tooth-rotting fluff with the most stereotypical, dancing-in-the-refrigerator-light scenario with post-tour josh w/ inspo from when i get my hands on you by the new basement tapes. wrote this on a whim and absolutely did not proofread it so sorry for any mistakes lmao. hope you enjoy xx

You woke up to gentle knocking on your front door. You woke up cuddled under a throw, a book laying by your head, with a playlist on repeat from the television, and candles still burning on the coffee table. When the knocks came again, you batted your eyes open and sat up from the cushions, looking around in your disoriented state, trying to figure out who would be knocking at - you glanced at the clock on the wall - two a.m.. And then you remembered why you had been trying to stay up so late in the first place. Joshua. 

“Oh shit, oh shit,” you came out from under the blanket and off the sofa to your feet. 

You hurriedly crossed the living room to the front door where you peeked out the peephole, and with an excited kick of your heart, you opened the door to see Josh on the other side. He was in an oversized winter coat with the fur-lined hood over his head and a pair of sweatpants with an overnight duffle bag lugged on his shoulder. 

“Hi,” you whispered, still half-asleep, but your hands went out to touch his face as he stepped forward over the threshold. His face was flushed from the cold weather, the tip of his nose pink. 

“Hi baby,” he said quietly, pressing a soft kiss to your lips before you pulled him further inside, shutting the door to keep out the cold behind him. “Sorry I was late, we didn’t land until after midnight and I showered and-” he nodded towards the duffle bag on his side, “I couldn’t find my bag when I got home.” 

“It’s okay, you’re fine,” you said with a smile as you tugged off his hood, arms sliding around his shoulders. “I just thought that maybe you had gotten lost on the way here.” 

“Oh, I totally did that too,” he grinned and kissed your cheek, and then your lips. 

You smiled into the kiss and pulled back, taking a step back to open yourself and the house up to him. “Well, welcome,” you told him. 

The plan for the night had been made on an early morning phone call last week. Josh called you from Washington state, a little homesick, a little lonely. He told you that when they got back to Nashville, he wanted to see your new place, that he would come over as soon as they landed. 

You and Josh had started dating just a mere few months ago and at the time you were searching for a new place to live, so most of the time you two had spent together had been at his, or at his brother’s - Sam always called Josh up with last minute dinner plans, so at least two days out of the week you were at Sam’s dinner table drinking palomas between the induced-chaos from the siblings. 

But now, after a successful move with a couple weeks to decorate, and a delayed flight, Josh stood in your living room, admiring every aspect of it you had put together - the lamps and warm lighting in the corner of the room, a fake fireplace that was lit to resemble a roaring fire, colorful throw pillows on the velvet sofa, a shelf with books and knick-knacks, and a coffee table with incense and candles. And then Josh spotted a particular item on the coffee table, one that immediately made his nose turn up and his lips point into a smile. The Santal 26 candle with a burning wick. 

“My favorite,” Josh mused, his hand sliding to your waist, wrapping around you. You giggled. 

You had made the point to get the candle. A fucking eighty dollar candle. But you knew it was his favorite, so that dulled the sting a little when you swiped your credit card. 

“You’re my favorite,” he continued, nose pressed to your temple. 

You laughed again, still a little sleepy, unable to come up with a response before you were pulling him further into your home, through the doorway into your hallway, feet bare on the cold hardwood. You guided him into the bedroom, hand dropping from his as you sat down on the edge of the bed. His eyes roamed across the black accent wall. You had changed your sheets to nicer, fancier ones. You had even bought a humidifier to keep on his usual side of the bed because you knew he always liked to keep one around. 

Josh stood in the doorway, admiring the room as a whole when you asked, “are you okay?” with a laugh. 

Josh batted his eyes once, then twice, as if pulling himself back into reality with you. He just smiled and walked in further, dropped his duffle bag to the end of the bed, and cradled your face with his hands. 

“I’m absolutely perfect,” he told you, his eyebrows raised and stern, letting you know he was telling the truth. “I love it,” 

You nodded and let out a small breath of relief, one that even loosened the tension in your shoulders. In addition to the sheets and the humidifier, you felt like you had spent the last twenty-four hours cleaning every surface, putting together a calendar of things for you two to do to ensure he doesn’t get too bored of you, and in the end, panicking about it all. 

Josh noticed the change in your face. “Were you worried?” He asked, almost grinning, as if nervousness was something you shouldn’t have even considered. 

“Well, yeah, kinda,” you finally said with a light laugh. His thumbs caressed the apples of your cheeks and you looked up to him as he stood between your knees. “I wanted to make sure everything was perfect when you got here. I mean, you’ve been on the road for a while and I wanted you to be comfortable and relaxed.” You shrugged. “I wanted it to feel like a home.” 

“Baby, you’ve made this feel more like a home than my actual house.” He admitted and your eyes fluttered shut in relief, a laugh escaping your lips a second later. His eyes were still trained on you, and you nodded. “It’s perfect, absolutely perfect. It could be me and you and this big house and nothing else, and it would still be perfect.” 

“Okay,” you whispered, relieved, “I guess I was being stupid.” 

“A little,” 

You quickly pinched at his side, causing him to chuckle as he turned away. Ticklish. You looked back up at him with a gentle grin. “Shut up,” 

Josh could only laugh. He kissed your forehead, the tip of your nose, and when you scrunched your nose a second later, he smiled and kissed your lips. 

“Okay, okay, get settled in,” you slapped at his butt, “do you want something to eat? Drink? I got mini marshmallows and know how to make a mean hot chocolate.” 

“You really know how to swoon me,” he teased. 

You rolled your eyes playfully and stood. Josh made himself busy with his duffel bag and you walked back out of the bedroom to the kitchen. There you poured milk and cocoa powder, sugar, and salt into a saucepan on the stove and listened to the music coming from the television in the living room. Something from Mazzy Star. You felt a little more awake, willing to spend the night with him rather than sleeping.

Once the mixture was warm, you pulled it from the heat and sat it to the side to add the chocolate and whisked it until it was melted. When you grabbed a mug from the rack on the counter, you sank back to your original height and into Josh as he stepped up behind you.

“Do you want anything else? Something to eat?” You asked as he wrapped his arms around your waist, as he began to move with the natural sway over your body, side to side. 

“No, I’m fine,” he told you, breath ghosting over the back of your neck before he kissed across your shoulders. “I missed you,” he said. He gripped at the material of your sweatshirt, his other hand sliding under it, rubbing at your skin. “I thought about you the entire time I was gone.” 

You popped a few small marshmallows on the top of the hot chocolate and sat it to the side before you turned in Josh’s arms to face him. He had ditched the winter coat, his white t-shirt underneath, but he was so warm, a nice contrast to the dropping temperatures outside. 

“I missed you too,” you said. “Do you have any plans now that you’re back?” 

Josh dropped his head, forehead to your chest, and sighed. You reached up and touched the back of his head, fingers in his (still damp from his shower) curls that were so soft against your palm. You continued to sway, rocking you both back and forth. 

“No, fuck all. Just want to sleep in and be with you.” 

You smiled. You pressed a hand to his face and tilted his head back enough to kiss his forehead. Josh hummed and raised his head, nose nestling along the crescent of your jaw and then he kissed you, softly, perfectly. Eyes fluttered shut, you sank into his touch, the feeling of his body against yours, his mouth on yours. 

In the adjacent living room, your playlist continued to shuffle. The hot chocolate came to mind again and you broke the kiss with a tiny laugh, and Josh mouthed at your chin as you reached for the cup. 

“Here, before it gets cold,” you said, shoving it towards him. 

“I’ll get it a second, let’s just stay here,” 

“Like this?” 

“Mhm,” 

You sat the mug back down onto the counter and Josh reached up, taking your hand in his and intertwined your fingers. Arm around his shoulders, you watched carefully as he straightened his posture and held your hand, and began to rock with you. You two danced in the kitchen, in the lowlight. 

When I set my eyes on you Gonna keep you out of town at night When I set my eyes on you Not gonna be outta my sight 

Josh stepped back and held his arm and hand high to spin you. You giggled as you turned and he pulled you back into his grip. 

“You should come with me next time,” Josh said, hand back in his, and you two moved, bodies ebbed and flowed so effortlessly. 

You raised a brow, taken by surprise at the sudden request. “On the road?” 

“Yeah, why not? Not for the whole time, if you don’t want to, maybe just a few days or a week.” He offered. “You can come - visit new places, stay in nice hotels, watch us play…” 

“Of course a selling point is getting in free to a show to see your face.” 

“But I think you’re pretty partial to seeing my face after all, baby,” 

You laughed, rounding the kitchen island, feet moving slowly but with perfect precision, like you two were trained dancers. But instead of being trained in dance, you two didn’t know the dance at all, you just knew each other that well to move as one. 

“Pretty partial to seeing your pretty face,” you teased and Josh shot you a grin that made your heart flutter in your chest. “I would love to. Just tell me when.” 

Josh pulled you in closer to rock back and forth and you listened to him hum the chorus of the song playing; 

And now you know Everywhere on earth you go You’re gonna have me as your man