#<- and ive been thinking of it since i got a rush of motivation to do it today. I needed to share this

[spoopup]

UM. heres this. my hand hurts

[todayisafridaynight]

redraw of my first yakuza fanart in two flavors to celebrate it being over two years old at this point

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og below cut:

og twitter post

[arolesbianism]

I'm starting to see ppl talk abt updating their artfight pages and at first I was like what why it's still months away and then it hit me that by months it was two months and now I'm just silently sweating as my anual side project to remake the eternal gales refs and give them all icons comes back to haunt me

[official-n3va3h]

Pt 2 for "it's always been you before me"

PLEASE 🧎‍♀️

A/N: THE LONG AWAITED PART 2❗️GUYS IVE BEEN TEYING SO HARD TO GET THIS OUT BUT SCHOOLS KICKING MY ASS RN BUT I FINALLY GOT IT SO PLEASEEE I HOPE U LOVE IT

•———————————————————————————•

“It’s always been you before me” pt 2.

« Lee Minho x fem reader »

Genre: Angst,

Warnings: cursing, slut calling (twice), argument, yelling

*

It’s been around a month since ur ordeal with Minho. You’ve been getting by for the last month, attempting to distract yourself from Minho and your feelings for him. He’s changed no different still avoiding you but then calling you the second he needs something and still you came running. So here you are in the library trying to study. Around a half hour goes by and your losing motivation slowly. You closed your laptop and packed your belongings in your bag, as you were walking u bumped someone.

“Oh sorry” you spoke.

“Oh your fine” the stranger said.

You looked up and saw a girl with a sweet smile across her face. It made you smirk ever so slightly.

“I’ve seen you around…I think we have classes together” she spoke

You haven’t been paying attention for the last couple weeks still stuck on your past with him.

“Oh…I haven’t really noticed sorry” your voice was quiet.

“Don’t be, not your fault, you know, you shouldn’t be so. Hard on yourself over little things” She said confidently.

You haven’t heard words like that from anyone in a while, comforting sweet words they met so much to you, yet to her it probably met nothing, she was just telling a stranger not to worry.

“Oh…ok” you responded

“Well how about we be friends hm? you give me your number and I’ll text you later” she said somewhat excited.

Friends. She wanted to be your friend, a smile grew across your face.

*

“Friends, common love, it’s obvious she just wanted to use you for some reason.” He spoke.

“But, Minho we barely know each other she really seems so genuine and sweet.” You a aid whilst getting dressed. Since she invited you to her birthday party.

“Baby…what have I told you, you go above and beyond for people, always so desperate for them to like you”

You stood still as you were putting on your outfit.

“Huh” your voice trembled.

“You heard me…you look desperate as always” he said nonchalantly.

You couldn’t believe him even after everything, you still gave him a chance in your life, even after the shit he pulled on you at chans party. Yet here he was flaunting his opinion at you. As much as you wanted to speak up you couldn’t no words came out just a nod. You changed into a black dress with puffy sleeves and added some jewelery

“See isn’t that better, still don’t know why your going to that damn party with her but at least you won’t look like a slut while your there”

His words felt cursed like he was a snake and you were his prey and he was slowly closing in on you.

•———————————————————————————•

Y/f/n🧡: hey, you ready? I’m outside.

Y/n: yup, here I come.

•———————————————————————————•

You grabbed your phone and walked towards the door.

“I’m leaving so when you leave please lock the door and don’t forget to turn off the lights” you said to him

“Yeah, yeah whatever” he said carelessly as ever.

You have a slight smile and left you when into you friends car.

“Soo who’s the boy, I can seen” her voice curious and giggly as she pulled off

“No one special” you said.

Those words felt lifting almost “no one special” that’s what he was no one special.

*

The drive was around 30 minute small conversations and singing of the radio filled the car. For the first time in a while you were smiling, genuinely happy.

You guys arrived at the party and you got a little hesitant remembering what happened last time you went out to a party but you have confidence this time Minho wasn’t here to ruin it all.

“Come on I’ll introduce to my friends”

She grabbed your hand rushing into the party, after greeting a few people, you guys met up with a few people. “Guys this is y/n” she introduced me, I gave a soft smile and waved. The rest of the night was unbelievably well I spent the night with y/f/n and her friends and I ended up getting close to one impaticular. After awhile we snuck off from the party outside to get some fresh air and you took fond of him. You guys exchanged numbers and eventually your friend found you and you guys left.

“Soo did you have fun?” She said while driving

“Yeah it actually wasn’t half bad , it was pretty fun” I said smiling towards the window.

“Oh, you expected my party to be bad, I’m hurt” your friend said sarcastically.

After awhile of talking you were back home and to your surprise Minhos car was still in the driveway.

“Thanks for having me “ I said leaving her car.

“Of course, it was so fun, call me later hm?”

“Yeah”

*

You walked back towards your apartment and went inside. You looked at the clock it was around 2am, you were taking your heels off in the dark living room an a light switched on in the kitchen.

“Your finally back huh?”

“Your still here hm?”

“I mean I was gonna leave till I seen this”

He slid his phone across the counter showing you a picture of you and one of your friends smiling hands wrapped around eachother hugging.

“It’s me and a friend yes” you responded a little agitated. I mean who the fuck was he to ask you who you were with after he pulled the shit he did.

“It’s not like we’re dating?”

“Ok and? Dosent mean you go slut yourself out to the first boy u lay eyes on.” He responded annoyed.

At first no words were coming out but then finally your mouth started moving on it on.

“You’ve gotten be fuckin kidding Minho.” You didn’t even notice your voice beginning to raise.

“Your in MY house trying to tell me who the hell I’m allowed to see or do, I mean you can’t be fucking serious”

“Don’t be like that babyy..yk you love me so let me hel-“

“No, no, you don’t get to act like that anymore, you don’t get to call me that, to back hand the fucked up shit your gonna say to me after, you left me remember, dating or not, when I was at my low, YOU left me” you didn’t even realize how upset you were, fist balled, eyes watering.

“You stranded me at a fucking party and watched me get humiliated in-front of everyone and still did nothing, instead you flirted with your ex, who you claimed to have broke your heart”

You tried to lower your voice but the more you spoke the louder you got.

“I was there, every-time you called, every single time, and the one time I need you, the one fucking time, you didn’t even bother to help me, and I finally found people who like me for me, and you can’t take that from me.”

He was shocked standing up looking at you tear away his wall.

“You don’t deserve me and never will, your just some guy with an ego the size of the fucking world, and frankly it’s not my problem anymore you didn’t need me then and you don’t need me now.”

“Y/n, what are you talk-“

“Go” I cut him off point towards the door

“Get the fuck out”

“Y/n cmo-“

“Go, GET THE HELL OUT ALREADY” in-between breaths. You grabbed his jacket shoved in his chest and pushed him out.

You slammed the door. You wanted to cry but before your tears could escape, u felt a release, like a weight off your shoulders.

A week later, you found yourself in the library again but not alone this time, you felt a lot happier lately, smiling and always looking forward in life. You ended up blocking Minhos number after he continued to text and call you, it was too late now, you were tired of giving him chances and letting him go may have been the best thing you’ve ever decided to do.

I mean things are a lot better when it’s no longer you before me, no?

•———————————————————————————•

A/n: OH MY GOD AHHH STOP THIS JUST CMSE TOGETHER I HOPE ITS GOOD AND WVRYONE LIKESSS ITTT LMKKK HOW IT IS

@hannie-bees

[imvriix]

Based on the newest chapter of Berserk, could you write a scenario of Gut’s s/o being kidnapped by Griffith?

──────────────────────

𝔦𝔫𝔱𝔬 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔡𝔦𝔪 𝔪𝔬𝔬𝔫𝔩𝔦𝔤𝔥𝔱

summary ;; — first, griffith steals the lives of those in the original band of the hawk, then, he steals you. just how is guts meant to keep you from slipping away like all the others from his past?

featuring + contains;; — guts x gn! reader, post eclipse.

a/n ;; — for some reason ive been feeling lazy with asks but im pulling an all nighter to fix my absolute shit sleep schedule (shit as in i sleep at 6am and woke up at 8pm) and i just randomely got loads of motivation to write, so here we are babes

──────────────────────

     ⋆*･ﾟ:     :✧*⋆   ･ﾟ

the child you had been beginning to become fond of each time the full moon made itself present slowly began to morph into the man you had associated with the fault of the many feelings of bitterness and the desperate need for revenge and blood.

he glowed underneath the soft light of the moon, a singular, crystallised tear gently sliding down the flesh of his porcelain skin. memories flooded through your head all at once, far too fast for you to bear. the life you had left behind, more like you had been forced to let go of, being pushed forward in your mind after the nights of you pushing it backwards, hoping and praying they wouldnt show up again and you would be blessed with the ability to forget.

but you would be a liar if you had said that you werent torn between tearing him to pieces and laying him bare to the world which he had forced you to change perspective of, to show him that he was no different from the day you had found him beaten, tortured and disabled, that he was still that same man who felt insecure when he met with something he couldnt control and feared loosing composure, or just wanting to forget, pick up the shreds of your soul that you had lost on that dreadful day and forcefully glue them back together to ensure your recovery and ability to not wander in the past anymore.

but now, you were so, so tired. you were exhausted. you had been ever since you, guts and casca had woken up after the bloody event of the eclipse. no matter how much you slept, how much you trained, how much you fought, you had a slower movement in your body which you couldnt rid yourself of.

though it was not physically present in your body, your movements not actually sluggish, but actually sharper and more fluent from harsh nights of training due to the inability to sleep. you could still feel a lacking in your fights, that adrenaline and bloodlust you always felt before battle no longer present whenever fighting.

it was like you fought for survival, not because you liked the blood rushing to your head and the fast thinking you were forced to do, and you didnt like it. it felt like a chore rather than something that you prided yourself in.

you had naturally come to lean on guts and casca for support when you needed, casca cheering you up with her childish tactics and oblivious ways, and knowing there was a mutual feeling of understanding between you and guts even if it was never worded. slight conversations and exchanging words felt like slices of heaven at times, pulling you out of the world of demons and survival you had been plunged into against your will.

as time went on, you grew fonder and fonder of those conversations. they were little, as neither of you were the types to talk a significant amount, but it was calm and refreshing, you felt like you could actually breathe. with cascas head in your lap, your hand on her head as you sat across guts, speaking of random things, you felt alive again.

maybe you could shut your eyes and pretend you were back in the band of the hawk, imagining you had just finished celebrating yet another victory and you had just seen the two and just sat down to talk.

you had noticed he became more mature and less hot headed from your days in the band, and it made you even fonder of him. you knew the burden set on his shoulders even without speaking of it.

he pleaded with you with his eyes. pleaded with you to not remind him of those memories until he faced griffith again. and so, with both your eyes and soul, you answered, and promised to stay alongside him no matter the occurrence, because if you could endure the eclipse together, you could endure anything else as well.

so why couldn't you stay with him now as well? why were you being taken away? you didnt want this, you didnt want to leave. you were beginning to find your peace, you dug through your heart and ripped out all remaining parts of your pride and hurt to be able to move on, so when you finally were starting to, why did he come back?

did he want this? to torture you, not let you heal? after being so afraid of going through what had happened in the eclipse again, you stuck close to guts and casca, fearing becoming close with any other.

but these people were able to pry open your heart and make you feel again, you felt like once again, you belonged. like you didnt have to worry anymore, because with this little family you had found for yourself, you could take on anything. they brought back your confidence and rid you of your paranoia. so why did you have to forced to leave?

you couldnt stop yourself from being taken away, you didnt want to be taken away, what you wanted was to cry out and let these feelings go.

your body wouldnt move, all of your struggles and reactions delayed as you felt panic surge through your veins, these dark and hidden emotions ready to combust and take everything around you down with it. you were dangerously aware, more wide awake than you had felt in the past months, yet your body was anything but. darkness clouded your vision, and your chest began to feel heavy.

you felt their gazes on you as you were being stolen away, especially the draining feelings of guts's stare. it was intimidating and overwhelming, but what was even worse was you felt yourself. every fibre in your body began to properly feel, your senses intensified and heightened significantly, so if you felt everything was so raw, so closely in front of you, why could you not move? why couldn't you escape his grasp?

you saw guts's blade from over griffiths shoulder, and your chest hurt. guts's blade was beautiful. it was inhumane for him to be able to hold it, let alone properly wield it. it was seen as horrifying to the common person and swordsman, for how could a man be able to properly spill blood on such a blade? it was intimidating, but it held power, the mere sight of it gave you chills. it was simply beautiful.

but what was far more beautiful than the blade itself was its wielder. you had admittedly grown so fond of the swordsman, of his moments of tranquility yet sudden bursts of bloodlust, of how he would hide his embarrassment and how flustered he was whenever you did the slightest thing.

you didnt want to go, you wanted to stay. to stay with guts. to stay with casca. to stay with farnese, serpico, isidro, schierke, puck, ivalera, isma and explore elfheim.

but instead, you were taken away, the distance between you and the people you loved extending while you were taken into the dim moonlight.

──────────────────────

[pigeonwit]

hullo pidge!

ive got three for you: ✄ , ✦, ♡. i already forgot what each of them means, but i trust that you can check the list and know. (for the one thats about comments u can choose what fic its for xx)

also notre dame by paris paloma as vice vermin virtue is so accurate literally everytime i hear that song i think of triple v

sneep you really feed my need to just talk about things all the time and i love it thank you so much for feeding my inane ramblings.

✄ what’s your editing process?

,,, yknow i dont think i really have one? like for oneshots and stuff i just sort of write it all down and try to see if it all Works for the character's POV and the story i want to tell. i try to break it up into segments so i can look over it piece by piece instead of slogging through the whole thing afterwards (cause i hate that and hating it makes me rush through it and that's how i make mistakes) but that's kind of it - for oneshots at least. for stories that i intend to keep adding to i want to make sure everything's followable, like character motivations and mental states and etc etc, so i go scene by scene and REALLY scrape over it. i have a bit in rbr4 that i've revisited at least eight times now because it's just not QUITE getting davey's motivations down the way i want. and then once i'm done analysing all those sections and fitting them together, i normally go to @rebuke-me for beta-ing just to make sure everything's flowing in an understandable way. i don't really do first and second drafts because i've already been drafting every scene bit by bit, so when i'm all done i just proofread as best i can and send it off to jupes if she's not too busy. unfortunately i do occasionally make some little mistakes (repeating a word or phrase too much, mixing up my metaphors, some small grammar stuff, etc) and i have a PROBLEM of getting too bogged down in little details that don't matter, but fanfictions a hobby, not a profession, and treating it like a profession is always what ruins it for me, so i prefer my casual editing process. it's not perfect, but i wouldn't be enjoying myself if it was.

✦ what was your easiest fic to write & your hardest?

ayyy this is. hm. probably 'matches' since it was so short, and i had the idea just kind of pop into my head fully formed. it's literally just one snippet of jack and davey's lives so it was pretty easy to get down. and the hardest is absolutely 'run boy run'. it's every single davey thought i've ever had written into a loveletter to my own autistic experience, which is... taxing, and on top of that it's a bit of a struggle to keep davey's motivations and character clear without projecting too much of myself onto him. but it's my baby and i love it dearly, and even if i don't get it all out perfectly it's still going to be my most treasured fic.

♡ pick a fic and I’ll pick a comment that made me really happy

without a doubt this goes to the comment left by ao3 user 'tablesaltiv' on 'say you came on first (i think you came on fine)' - it's too long for me to feel comfortable putting it in this post, and honestly i'd feel a little vain even if i did, but it's probably the most reassuring comment i've ever gotten. i stopped writing fanfiction when i was around sixteen/seventeen due to a very VERY big personal spiral and didn't post any again until i was twenty. i was REALLY scared of posting 'say you came on first' because it was probably the most character-studyish thing i'd ever done before, and i was. very stupidly paranoid that i had completely misunderstood the characters and should just call it quits again - and then tablesaltiv left their very lovely comment saying that having seen the show live themselves, my fic felt entirely accurate. it was incredibly reassuring for me and filled me with a lot of confidence, and even though i know i'm never going to understand these characters FLAWLESSLY, i at least feel confident enough to think that i understand them well - and now i'm still here and writing a very ambitious fic that i'm worrying about a LOT, but i'm determined to finish anyways :) thank you tablesaltiv

(also - i know i can't REALLY count this since it's not on a fic like the ask game said but i have to say thank you to YOU, sneep, for saying that you think about one of my own silly little fanfics every time you listen to a song?? that's crazy to me. i can't believe that. that's so kind and meaningful in ways i can't put into words. like. holy shit my fic exists in your brain. i can't believe that. so yeah that made me extra happy too fshhs)

[mephiles-the-jester]

rewatching wreck it ralph the worldbuilding is actually insane for how many worlds there are to build i love it,,time for some random thoughts while i watch the movie in a single post

i like felix and ralph,and i think with the scene in the hallway on its own people can see felix not liking ralph but when you see him next to the nicelanders its clear he really does want to let ralph into the anniversary party when he comes,he doesnt want to tell him to leave despite how everyone doesnt want him there, i think inversely to how ralph finds it difficult to break from being the 'bad guy', felix finds it difficult to break from being the 'good guy',, or smth like that idk,,,

other thing, i love how the movie treats vanellope,like she's a child and so silly but shes also a strong parallel to ralph and it takes her seriously for it, i don't know why ive noticed that but its really cool to think about. it might be a while since ive watched movies with a child protagonist like her but i noticed it and i appreciate how shes not written off as just a child ralph just relates to, because she gets what its like for ralph and she knows it

no huge thoughts on felix and calhoun i love them both,also god i with that were me,,,(both of them)

also ive been thinking this for years and i must come out and say it now that i have the chance,,but king candys warning to ralph i think is the movie's best example of how much it succeeded with its storytelling and with both its princess vanellope reveal and its turbo motivation reveal. because vanellopes glitch getting the game put out of order when players see it, and her not being able to escape the cabinet being unplugged are,,like actual concerns if she was a regular racer,like if she wasnt a princess and an actual game anomaly than that scenario might happen, because she really cant escape the game when the cybugs do come, and she does retain her glitch ability when she enters the roster,,. and it makes ralph destroying her kart more sad than infuriating because you know as much as him and that he wants to keep her out of danger, and despite king candy being an antagonist,the audience isnt told why he truly doesnt want her in the race, and he gives a realistic explanation to ralph of a series of events that could threaten vanellope, and mislead the audience while giving foreshadowing. after all, turbo does have experience glitching a game into getting unplugged,,so,,,

also while writing this ralph telling king candy that the players will love vanellope and king candy going "and if they dont",,,im gonna hit that candy cane stripped ass mf 12 yards across a willy wonka world of imagination,,,with glasses

damn this movie look gorgeous the scene of ralph talking to gene with the orange out of order sign is beautiful,,

i think when i first watched the movie i thought it was unfair that vanellope had a built in power up in the form of glitching around when she gets added to the roster,but candlehead can turn cherries nearby into bombs so ill accept that,,i would play a real game of this tbh

i love turbo and ralph/felix recognising the other immediately since they were literally neighbours when turbo was plugged in, and you can even notice it in the salmon castle when king candy cane recognise ralph despite the audience getting the vibe that he just stays in sugar rush,(he has to because he probably has his disguise only in that game)

vanellope keeping her glitching is great for the disability allegory of her character, becoming a princess doesnt magically solve what happened to her code being disconnected like that and thats fine, she just becomes an absolutely busted racer that all the players are gonna use and i love that for her

the characters who got their game unplugged being invited to a bonus level is so funny,they dont even have to deal with copyright its perfect

in conclusion: wreck it ralph i think has become a favourite movie of mine

[narwhalandchill]

anyway tho like. now that ive played the 1.2 story and sat on it a bit id say my overall thoughts are def mixed. i enjoyed a lot of it but theres some things that sorta just stick out or dont work and the pacing definitely worked against the story

(just a long rant/ramble upcoming its not coherent at all lol)

one thing that rly rubbed me the wrong way was like. while overall this story rly sold fu xuan as a character to me (i was a huge fan of her presence overall) the dan shu thing just felt? wrong? and like to be clear it wasnt just fu xuan the scenes writing was off in general but her role in being the one countering dan shus points just made her p central to the problem.

but like my issue is that dan shu is previously established as having very understandable reasons behind her resentment of lan that made her compelling as twist villain imo. Yet that resolve was nowhere in the scene in her rebuttal of the xianzhous ways?? when i think that shouldve been The moment of her calling out the xianzhou and actually challenging fu xuan properly. it wouldve been an even better opportunity to expand upon how fu xuan responds to being confronted with the xianzhous flaws and hypocrisy and problems. but somehow yassified dan shu really just. had a generic villain speech and thats it. the callback to their heritage as former followers of abundance was... fine? but like it wasnt that impactful. and fu xuan essentially calling her nothing but a power hungry villain when thats very much Not what dan shus motivation boils down to sucks and now players who didnt read her diary or play/pay attention to her side quest will think of her as just a generic bad guy and not a very tragic complex figure of her own

then the like. underutilization of blade was just like. ok what was the point. it IS funny to reference the tuxedo mask meme and how he skewers his ex yet immediately gangs up with him against yanqing and all but honestly he shouldve gotten to be more feral and present than he did like its just meh. ig its kafka keeping him from messing up elios script but cmon. i want more of him. yanqing also got done so dirty in that scene like. he shouldve gotten some more screentime and focus even if his job was p much to just get bodied. kid just watched jing yuan make deals with criminals no way he isnt affected by it

in general i was p shocked how inexistent the high cloud quintet was from the story. but ig w how rushed the pacing was for dan hengs backstory reveals at times already ig its better left for later (hopefully). i just rly hope this means that the topic get its time to shine properly in the future. esp since im p sure they never even named any of dan fengs crimes outright which is a curious choice.

jing yuan got a rly solid characterization and i definitely enjoyed it!!! even if im a little miffed at how they didnt give dan heng enough breathing room to come to terms with the emotional impact of facing his past and memories thanks to the plot moving forward so fast and he was kinda the one leading that. but he was still great - i liked the scheming side to him and the arguably pretty ruthless way he leveraged dan hengs exile status to force his hand to cooperate a lot. his reasoning makes sense obvi but its still a very brutal and utilitarian approach and i like that energy for his character. his duty is to the luofu above all else even if thats far from all he is about. overall his and dan hengs interactions including dan heng very much emphasizing his desire to be seen as separate from dan feng were a highlight for sure. and jing yuans final showdown moment against phantylia slapped obviously

and then w dan heng im torn between like. really loving all the good stuff we got with the insane cutscenes and the vidyadhara echoes and then wishing that he got just that little bit more for his own realizations and inner conflict. and the part about not properly featuring blade also hurt his story too imo bc the anticlimactic nature of the scene where blade confronts him and forces the transformation and how he n kafka just... leave rly kinda flattens the impact of the reveal moment esp since thats when jing yuan just all but openly says ok time for the plot. but they still did a great job selling DHIL and i think im overall a fan of how they seem to have handled the dan feng vs dan heng thing (and its roughly what i was expecting). dan feng is dead but its never just that simple either. i hope theyll be exploring the exact nature of dan fengs sins and the sedition in the future

im so mad i spoiled myself the tingyun thing bc jfc the neck snap wouldve hit So hard if the reveal itself was also a complete surprise. and its sth that was genuinely well built up like i remember thinking her 1.0 dialogue was kinda sus but wouldve never imagined the actual truth. dont do leaks folks sometimes this happens and it sucks :/ but i have to say phantylia herself was kinda? underwhelming. i liked when she picked up jing yuan like a little bug she wanted to squish and the boss fight was cool but to be fair. this was like 50% bc of how bad the sound mixing was for all of her dialogue that overlapped w in game battle. she rly lacks the necessary menace and imposing energy when u can barely even make out what shes saying 😭 her voice shouldve been as loud and large as her..... Presence. jing yuan carried the boss fight and the final cutscene but man the fade to black rly didnt do the abrupt ending any favors like we just teleport to exalted sanctum and thats it???? maybe jing yuan dies maybe not!!!

overall my prime issue is p much just how like. it feels like they shoved 3-4 mini arcs worth of stuff into one speedrun when all of them deserved more focus and exploration and the pacing rly got rough at times. it wasnt like inazuma level bad but it does get me wondering if hoyos just bad at doing these big conclusions to prior build up and holding the story threads tightly together until the end.

this comes off as super negative helpp but like. by no means did i hate all of it so dont take it the wrong way lmao. its more that there was good stuff there but also wasted potential. for the most part i was having a blast but to be fair that was 40% just playing blade ridiculously underleveled through it all. i only got him to lvl 80 for the boss fight

[chumpovodir]

uggghhhhhh covid finally got my stupid ass and its not so bad so far except that i cant seem to fall asleep at all and i got my first anxiety attack yesterday. so that was super cool and fun :^)

ive been binge-watching and finished the netflix castlevania show so i'm just gonna ramble about that for a bit to keep my mind off things.

first off i gotta say i LOVE what they did with the characterization since. yknow. the castlevania game protags are usually very very boring and one-note (at least the ones i've played. yes, my standards are that low). eng voices are good too, delivery can feel a little ehhh with some of the characters but as far as casting choice goes they hit it outta the park imo.

but woof they rly did my man hector dirty!!! which is a shame because he's one of the very few non-belmont protags and i get it they're mashing 2 different, direct prequel-sequel game timelines into a single continuity WHILE introducing original plot threads they cant ALSO make the dude beat on dracs ass after the trio does it the first time. i want to say i wish we at least got to see a duel between him and trevor like in Curse of Darkness, when he gets his ass handed to him the first time, but with everything that goes down in s3 dude would feel like even more of a punching bag. just feels a little unfair that as a protag character maining his own game he pretty much got reduced to fanservice AFTER they set him up with a bacsktory and motivation that goes past the canon-typical revenge story, while isaac got a whole character overhaul and well-thought out, complete story arc. like i wish they at least let him properly betray drac on his own terms rather than be goaded into it, i get they were trying show him as being easy to manipulate (but why tho....) or carmilla being especially manipulative. and then s3 happened and that was just a....weirdly porny mess tbh.

i know the general consensus is that the show would've been just fine if they capped it at s2, and i tend to agree but it leaves so much unsaid. idk if it would've been any better to make s3-s4 a straight adaptation of Curse of Darkness and shift the focus entirely to isaac and hector since s1-s2 was almost a straight adaptation of the prior game. i think this was definitely a case in a show where they couldve benefitted from a timeskip to make it work, while still accommodating isaacs story arc. like it wouldve also helped s4 feeling rushed af wrt the resurrection of dracula thread if it had a whole nother season to build up to it, and since that thread was straight lifted from CoD anyway.

like. i really did love the mystery-horror vibes of the lindenfeld arc but having it wedged in between the frankly unnecessary styria arc and whatever the fuck was going on with alucard was hard to get through ngl

also folks say the dialogue is cringy but i thought it was fine...? like yeah sure they started getting a little too liberal with the f-bombs towards the end but i think the dialogue that actually mattered was interesting and had alot of personality behind it, and it was fun seeing the characters play off each other.

and im saying all this perfectly aware of all the shit that went down with the show creator, which is why i waited a good whole 3 years after the fact to watch it so please dont come at me for that

[ephialtea]

Ive been doing well, for a month or two. Sure there are some intrusive thoughts but they were just bumps that I could shrug off. Unlike ones before that sends me off to a car wreck. I am fond of watching movies or tv shows, and I was happy that I wasn’t bothered as much to watch women without the sexual or romantic thoughts waiting to raid. I’ve started working out, it felt great.

I am a college student, about to be a third year. For two years, I haven’t been able to go to my campus since we only had done online classes. Since, every school has slowly adjusted and most welcoming face to face classes- I have decided to join in a Red Cross organization at my university.

Ive been wanting to participate on these kind of stuff since I’d considered it very helpful personally as well. Today was my shift, it was a graduation ceremony for the seniors. Me and others (who were new) were assigned to our stations, to guide people- help if someone needed it.

I had to wake up early, around 4 am to prepare. I wasn’t feeling myself and got really conscious with my body. I was suppose to fast for 16 hrs before as part of my diet, but I got carried away with my stress that I overate dinner. Next morning, I was bloated as fuck, wore a baggy shirt instead.

I have a particular body type that I want to achieve. So when I saw this other member in our team- who has the exact one that I want. My brain just scrambled all over. Saying that she’s my type, she’s my type, she’s my type. Emotions just rushed all over place, the tiredness wasn’t a help either. I didn’t know her at all, and ofc everyone could see her figure since she wore these skinny jeans of some sort and small shirt with the word ‘medic’ at the back.

One of the head nurse of the organization had a little talk with me, getting to know me and such. He realized that the girl and me have the same course so he introduced me to her. I was uncomfortable as fuck already, I wanted to go home already. She was a talkative person, I wasn’t. Yes, she was nice but I hated the feeling that we stood close next to each other. Had to force down the urge to throw up. But I forced myself to just stand there and at least make friends, I have not made a single friend in the organization.

I didn’t want to be seen as the girl who has a secret crush on the other. I don’t want to be seen as someone who’s attracted to women at all. But THIS, is torture. My brain, my emotions just keep on repeating phrases and certain things that I’m sick with. The lack of anxiety made me think that “oh, I like her.” “I have a crush on her”.

Thank God the ceremony was almost over, we headed back to the clinic and I had to make up some excuse as why I’m going home early. Shit sucks, now I’m getting urges that I should “come out” and ask her out. To which I am genuinely oppose to since I am still in love with a man who doesn’t fucking talk to me anymore.

But because of that now I just keep having thoughts such as: why don’t you try dating women? Maybe you’ll like it, come out as bi or a lesbian, ask that girl out. And dozens of images of me dating that said girl, I had to break my diet cause I was fucking stress eating, now I am right back where I started. I never felt more miserable, and I just wish so badly to hang out with girls without these thoughts or feelings. I want to have girl FRIENDS, to bond with and to lean on. This whole shit has made me view girls who wants to be friends with me as something awful, as they have some sort of motive with me or some shit and it’s ruining me. Every-time I talk to them, I have to keep repeating “I’m straight” In my head a dozen times for reassurance.

[ssolessurvivor]

[ FIVE SCARS ]  send for the five times the sender almost asks the receiver about their scars the the one time they do.

memes - always accepting! - @goldenboybarracuda (under the cut cause long, I hope these brighten your day ! <3 <3 <3)

I. He's had time to notice the subtleties of how people look at him now. It's not a bad thing, but even after that sudden rush of kisses at the bar, Logan notices, when Alex insists on seeing him to the hotel after a day of long driving, he can see those eyes trail and linger. Not that he hadn't expected it since it's a part of him now. But...sometimes he doubts his worth. So as he parks his motorcycle and that official car with a few Service members stops behind him and Alex pops out, Logan sets his helmet down and waits, wondering if the question will come. To his shock, another kiss does, or two, or three. The blonde's quiet joke about getting shot by the Secret Service earns a laugh from Alex as the say goodnight.

II. The following day after the Run for the Wall event, Logan got a text from the First Son for a day on the town, sightseeing and all that jazz. Logan couldn't help but say yes, the smile on his face instantaneous. And with it being a bit warm over on the East Coast, Logan's favorite henley sufficed for comfort whilst they got coffee and simply wandered. He hadn't realized nearly the whole damn day passed until they were walking the Lincoln Memorial. Seeing Alex light up at explaining everything that Logan hopelessly failed in high school, it gave him such a bright smile and a tint of a blush. He could see the way Alex stalled sometimes in asking Logan his opinion about the 16th president, his eyes flicking down and up again since he was on Logan's left side. Logan was honest: history is not his strength.

III. He knew he'd have to tell Alex a few more things whenever they came up, so one day when he lay in Alex's bed in a bit of pain, when he didn't want to move, he was shocked when Alex crawled right in beside him to hold and comfort him. To distract him, he'd whispered into his skin as their arms wrapped about one another, diminishing any space lingering between. He didn't even comprehend that Alex would still want him like this, and in doing so, he's being tenderly kissed and cradled into a quiet oblivion. Who knew making out with the man he's falling for would be so satisfying in a moment so vulnerable as this? Those lips eventually trail down the good side of his neck as Logan leans his head back, allowing himself to feel this affection and not let it go. Alex hesitates as he hovers over his collarbones, and Logan feels himself grow nervous: he doesn't think he can handle this question on a day like today. But then Alex crosses over, and his kisses are so soft, so cherishing, Logan's fingers slide into his hair and he feels his bottom lip tremble. He tells himself the tears that well up at the corners of his eyes are a consequence of his pain and not the way he feels so terrified of being loved wholly.

IV. This phone call had already been going on for about two hours now with no signs of stopping, not that he would've wanted it to. Logan's curled up on the couch and wishing that Alex were here with him, to cuddle and laugh with. But they were getting to know one another even more now, the way his mother was so motivated to be the first woman in office, and how it led to Alex's own determination to complete school to do good for his community. He learned about his parents unfortunate divorce and how that effected him when he was younger, not to mention his sister. And Logan reciprocated, explaining his own family legacy of military service, his first stint overseas for five long years, but he didn't breach the Mimas mission yet. Not now. Explaining how he still hung out with some of his old military friends seems to quiet Alex, and Logan wonders over the static of the line if he'll be curious enough to ask. The moment passes though, and instead it leads to chatter about his grandfather. Logan's eyes peer over at his old record player and he finds a warmth in his chest.

V. It was an unexpectedly chilled day that they decided to go for a walk around the lake, and Logan needs to dress accordingly so he doesn't get too cold. A leather jacket with one of his favorite knitted scarves his sister made him thrown over, Logan can see Alex watching him tie it off and he smiles kindly. If he's honest with himself, Logan never expected Alex to wait so long when he wanted an answer for something, but perhaps it's the personal nature of the question that stalls him. Logan looks in the little mirror and fixes his scarf before he wanders over and takes hold of Alex's hand, leaning in for a kiss on his cheek first (ignoring the fact he has to stand on his toes to reach). He offers a smile before he starts tugging Alex along with him, walking out over the porch and to the well worn trail that previous generations here created for a familiar but beautiful walk. Logan doesn't let go of Alex's hand the whole time.

I. Last night had been beautiful, not to mention their first time together, and Logan was still riding that high by morning when Alex has woken and simply holds the blonde in his arms. Alex is a giant cuddle bear, he was learning, but it was cherished. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt this wanted and it was heartwarming. And he idly wondered, before it even happened, if today would be it. Even now as he watched Alex taking him in, those fingers tracing his scars, how securely the other holds him, they're so relaxed in the morning light that it almost doesn't register as Alex's soft words spill over him. What happened? Two simple words holding a weight Logan can feel press him back into the mattress as Alex cups his cheek, as if he can sense the mood change there like a haze. Mismatched eyes meet those deep chocolate ones as he nuzzles into that hand. "I'll need some of your strength to get through that story, Alex."

[diary-of-an-entity]

Diary Entry #1

"It'll get better one day."

You know everyone always talks about how 'you need to go out and do things' and 'you can't just do the bare minimum all the time' because it keeps you stagnant or whatever but the past two years since I chose not to go to college and chose to just do a lame easy job that barely keeps me afloat- ive never been happier and more focused then I am right now.

Like the past two years I've mentally been able to pinpoint main events where I've slowly gotten back to myself. The way I've been wanting to for years.

I got feelings and empathy back (there were a few years I thought i had a dissociative disorder bc i had such low empathy for others esp animals, and yet six months away from home I remember holding a puppy and crying everytime I thought of it. Now I cry when I see a small mushroom cause I feel things so strongly again)

I started taking care of my health (about 1-1.5 year out I finally made doctors appointments for myself. Got glasses that I've needed for years. I started brushing my teeth everyday like I'm supposed to and i bought shampoo better for my hair and my friend taught me about using cleanser and moisturizer)

And finally two days ago my executive dysfunction fucking dissapeared??? I mean *for now* like im sure itll come back sometime but less hopefully instead of everyday! (I woke up and it was just like that feeling where you're up too late and you suddenly have all the motivation to clean the house and do everything you need to do except it was a brand new day?? And the feeling stayed?? I was able to get my car fixed and I got a gym membership and I actually WENT this morning!! And I did work at work instead of messing around and honestly I feel like I can actually call my insurance company to handle the issue I've been procrastinating the past 2 years and i think I want to call the college and take two classes in the spring maybe???)

So anyways, what I mean to say is that I told everyone around me that I was taking time for myself two years ago. And the adults around me seemed sort of disappointed because I wasn't starting college and they kept saying stuff like 'if you don't go now you never will' which is so dumb. But my sister and my friends supported me and I feel like that time I gave myself finally paid off cause I feel so good. Genuinely good. Go to the gym and college and go out dancing with friends good. And it's the first time I've felt this good since middle school.

So you know, I guess this is the 'it'll get better' I was telling myself when I decided to put my life on hold instead of rushing into a life where I knew I was going to crash. I'm very grateful I put myself on hold.

Thank you, Past Me!!!!!

[lettersfromcats]

August movies!!

hi doreen !!!

ive decided to watch at least one film a day this month for no reason, but i have been having fun. since i don't use letterbox to give proper reviews i thought it'd be fun to start documenting my thoughts on each one for the month :) (ratings based on intuition alone) (this will take a while/ in progress)

-the cabin in the woods: 6/10 i really wanted to like this cause i liked the vibes and it seemed right up my alley- i love a horror comedy; but i found myself really bored halfway through. i do like the premise but i think the characters were a bit too archetype-y for me, which i get is the point. i still found it enjoyable and i would watch it again- just probably with other people, i think it's a group watch film.

-the virgin suicides: 9/10 i'm using this to work through some of my watchlist and this was on there for a while, we talked about watching it and i was not disappointed. the exploration of grief from the peripherals really struck me as well as the depiction of girlhood. i understand the criticism of the girls stories being told by the boys but to me the film seemed very self-aware and deliberate in that depiction (and i do love an unreliable narrator). the utter foreboding that hung over the mystical haze of memory throughout the film was enchanting and i mean the cinematography and soundtrack, impeccable. i can't move on without mentioning the symbolism of the elm trees, it's as if a literary technique was designed specifically to get me to like a film. the elm in itself has such interesting mythos and history which maybe wasn't deliberate beyond the obvious symbols in the film, but still is really interesting, for example, in norse mythology, the first woman was made from an elm and in america elms became a symbol of war and liberation during the revolution.

-girl, interrupted: 10/10 started with simon and garfunkle and still got better. incredible performances from any lesbians idea of a stacked cast and jared leto dies at war so win-win. the depictions of illness while i can't say are flawless, never feel like the intentions are wholly mocking- (though i obviously can't speak for everyone) and are devastating when brought to focus. and there's a homoerotic friendship so i was always gonna like it.

-purple hearts: 0/10 i dont even want to talk about it, i was watching it ironically and i couldn't even bring myself to have fun. the politics are beyond confused and seem to boil down to a centrist mush of love everyone despite their flaws (racism) and war's okay if the soldiers are big pouty white men. the romance was even rushed i don't know how anyone enjoyed it.

-the lighthouse: 8/10 exactly my type of artsy bullshit, robert pattinson and willam defoe shine in this weird, gross, claustrophobic, anxious masterpiece and i was having a great time. so much and so little happened but the delirious descent into madness was wonderful and a little bit gay so score.

-saw: 10/10 i finally watched it and as i predicted am obsessed, i just love a horror that is just a little ridiculous. i want to keep billy in a cage and feed him carrot sticks, (is he an animatronic or a puppet? how does he cycle???) jigsaws motivations make no sense and honestly good from him, i'd go batshit crazy if i were him too. the editing is so 2000s i can't stop thinking about it. the bathroom trap is where i want to go when i die. the horror was a lot less visceral than i was expecting; i think the contained nature of the traps really just creates such tension, especially between the characters stuck together, which is so compelling to me. the reverse bear trap is crazy i love it and what lesbian horror fan isn't a little in love with amanda. im so glad i hadn't had the twist spoiled for me because oh my god. also score slapped: hello zepp.

-old: 4/10 so silly i think more rich people should pay out of pocket to make bad films unintentionally. i watched with my siblings and i love nothing more than tearing apart this sort of thing with a captive audience who have to find me funny or be bored.

-extra ordinary: 8/10 i didn't know this was Irish until it started and what a pleasant surprise it all was. such a fun watch i really enjoyed it. the supernatural elements were the good side of corny and the romance was cheesy but heartfelt, with quintessentially irish humour just a really easy to watch, fun little film.

-piggy: 7/10 i really enjoyed this despite the not-great dub i was watching. i like how the bullied girl revenge trope was subverted and saras character felt very real, her reactions to events came off as very genuine and the suspension throughout is pulled off really well. i do get the criticisms of it being a drawn-out short cause i did find it a little slow at times but not having seen the short i didn't find the plot at all diminished. i liked the aspect of detachment from the killings emphasized by none of them being on camera while the emotional impact remained as well as the almost haunting presence of the killer and his intentions.

-the florida project: 9/10 another one that's been collecting dust on my watchlist for a while now i was absolutely enchanted by every aspect of it. the honest depiction of childhood and a very american poverty was striking. the gorgeous use of colours brought the vibrance of childhood back even in the dilapidated americana of it all. the acting really shone, willam defoe slayed of course but the kids are what make it special. and that final shot.

-we're all going to the worlds fair: 8/10 such an interesting film, nothing has ever quite captured the echoing loneliness that existence on the internet can create like this before. i loved the aspect of the accidental acting in search of connection, to me the lead-caseys-personal experience reads as completely honest without necessarily pointing to the spooky aspects being beyond her own mind. the film's atmosphere remains evenly eerie throughout, actually spooking me a little at times. the incredible, universal isolation of each character was really well portrayed with no conversations taking place without some barrier (a screen, a door) and i loved the framing of the fair itself, especially in contrast to the bleak monotonous world of empty snowed-in woodland and soulless frosty towns that casey occupies. the lead actress did such a good job portraying casey and her shifting identity and breakdowns. the director's transness cannot be ignored and the film as an allegory for dysphoria works so well. all this set to the droning instrumentals of alex g creates such a foreboding ambiance i couldn't help but love. definitely one of my favourite watches so far.

-shiva baby: 8/10 oh boy so stressful but also really fun. im starting to really like rachel sennott, looking forward to seeing more of her in stuff soon; speaking of bottoms looks like it's gonna be so good.

-red, white and royal blue: look, we know this is not my kind of thing, i get why people like it but for me this one especially with the indescribably weird political message is just not good, i didn't like the book and i don't like the film. gay people should have cheesy bad films though so its fine.

-when harry met sally: 9/10 this is one of those films i always thought i'd get round to eventually and i was suprised how much i liked it. really really cute, made me believe in love again or something. meg ryans hair was stunning also.

-marry my dead body: 7/10 i definitely enjoyed watching this but if i was being haunted by a twink drastic things would happen and they would not be good. i liked the characters well enough and the mafia(?) plot was fun, action sequences were okay and i'll be charmed by most ghost plots plus a kooky grandparent? great film recipe.

-juno: 10/10 knew i'd love this and boy did i! everything about it was just so charming, the dialogue and mannerisms of the characters (except jason batemans who was so so scary), the soundtrack, the aesthetics and did i mention the soundtrack!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love kimya dawson so much. just a wonderful little film.

-submarine: 8/10 i'm a fan of richard ayode but i think this is his only directorial work of his i've seen and i have to say i really enjoyed it. the cinematography was really cool, i liked the use of symmetry and colour, especially the assigning a colour to each character, that's my shit; stand-out shot for me was the dream sequence over the dam drain thing- i love a water motif used to represent inner turmoil of a character- olivers basically kendall roy if logan was welsh instead of scottish. i know people love the score but i never got into the artic monkeys cause i'm not a huge fan of alex turners voice so a series of songs written and performed by the man didn't exactly stand out to me, but they seemed lyrically cool. i love the awkward stilted dialogue and the oddity of the main characters, they're not exactly likeable but that for me doesn't detract from the film. also his dad was a freak called lloyd and i love him.

-bound: 10/10 i mean what can i say, it's a lesbian crime thriller and if you don't think im gonna love that you're crazy. the plot is really compelling and corky and violet are an even more compelling. i enjoyed it. (also add this to my list of really good films made in 1996)

-bombshell: 2/10 lazy liberal feminism, i watched for margot and kate

-bones and all: 10/10 cannibalism in media <3<3<3 i also really enjoy a bit of Southern Gothic in my films so this was always gonna be a hit with me, even if i had to look past timothys presence. from the start the atmosphere is intense, the rural desolate setting, the immediate social and then literal isolation of maren really keeps the foreboding building only broken by the sudden violence. cannibalism works so well here as queer coding (and everywhere else, don't get me started). the weird balance of such realistic settings and this unchangeable almost supernatural aspect of biological 'survival cannibalism' is so interesting; and the romance element of the film worked really well for me.

-werewolves within: 6/10 a fun little horror comedy, i thought i would like it more but the humour wasn't quite my thing, a little millenial maybe. i still enjoyed it and it was a nice film to watch with my mam.

-as above, so below: 7/10 subpar acting and script writing made up for by such a good concept, Dantes Inferno as the catacombs absolutely slayed, and i was actually pretty spooked a couple times which doesn't usually happen to me beyond overreacting to jumpscares, which while im on the subject the jumpscares here were really well done, didn't feel lazy to me at all. it does need to be said that it really feels like they had a good concept but needed to work the script and plot more, the horror could use some backup from a better-written storyline and better justification for the character's endings.

-primal fear: 8/10 young edward norton was a real standout here. definitely an interesting legal mystery thriller, i think the twist would probably be more impactful back in 1996 (good year for film), it felt a little played out at this point but still very well done.

-slums of beverly hills: 7/10 i love a good coming-of-age and also natasha lyonne so i definitely enjoyed this. don't love the way some topics were glossed over but what can you do.

-fifty shades of grey: bad.

-vampires suck: 6/10 a funny little parody, mentioned the black eyed peas.

-weird: the al yankovic story: 7/10 daniel radcliff as a freak strikes again. definitely my favourite musician biopic i've seen so far. charming in its ridiculousness.

-ginger snaps: 9/10 a coming of age horror which conflates the begining of puberty to the transformation of warewolfism. i really appreciated the body horror elements as a cronenberg fan and i just think the horror was done really well. the two main characters were played so well and it was quite funny at times. i liked the interpretation of lycanthropy as a disease and the route of cure the characters used. would definitely recommend!

-insidious: 5/10 while i didn't find it especially scary i think the horror was well done and the plot was actually quite interesting! astral projection is quite a unique look at a ghost story and i loved that it was a person being haunted not a house, it was a good subversion. i did watch for leigh whannell and he made such a fun supporting character among some pretty meh main characters. definetely not a bad film!

-no hard feelings: 6/10 so fun! im so glad more stuff like this is coming out again and i mean jennifer lawrence slayed so hard. weird how people are such prudes about female nudity still, it wasn't like she was being overly sexualised in the scene but people are making such a huge deal out of it, i thought it made for a funny moment. i really enjoyed the characters and their relationship felt very real and cute! also depicted modern teenagers as very scary which i approve of.

-ghost world: 8/10 a really interesting look at two girls stuck in limbo between high school and adulthood. i really liked the depiction of enid avidly avoiding confronting moving on and how she inadvertently hurts everyone around her by being so casually selfish and how shes contrasted by rebecca (also scar jo slayed here gave absoloutely nothing, such a good character). the aesthetics of the film were really fun, with the delapedated city really highlighting the girls and also how fun the costuming was. steve buscemi also had a standout performance in which he was an awkward freak and a pretentious asshole about music! what a slay.

i really enjoyed doing this, it kind of forced me to actually engage in the media i was consuming past the casual level i usually find myself on. and it sure beat watching tiktok for six hours before bed.

[twotapbuz]

The leader and a body guard(Rin x reader)

(Sorry this took so long, school sucked all of my motivation away. You can find the rest of the series here: Eloni )

warning: violence, slight angst with a happy ending

Sometime after the rock revolution, Neon J decided to leave for a 3-week vacation

This meant that you and your coworkers would need to report to Rin

The first couple of days were difficult because Rin didn’t seem to care about the reports and would flirt with whoever was giving him the report

It wasn’t till week two that things began to spiral

1010 had been in the middle of a performance when a fight broke out in the crowd

You jumped out of where you were standing to help control the crowd

You assessed the damage after everything calmed down

The venue + stage was partially destroyed, Purl-Hew lost his glasses and an eye, Haym lost an arm, Zimelu and Eloni’s faces were cracked, and Rin was missing

Rin was missing

This was bad news as the factory still hadn’t been repaired yet which meant that he couldn’t be brought back until Neon J came back

And if Neon J found out that you lost a member of 1010, you and your co-workers would be fired

So your group split into two parts, one half would take Zimelu, Haym, Purl- Hew, and Eloni back to Barraca Mansion while the other half would search for Rin

You were placed into the latter

It had been nearly an hour since Rin was discovered missing and there still was no sign of him. You were definitely going to get fired. While the concert was in Cast Tech, you along with several others were sent to search Metro Division in case he simply went back to Baraca Mansion without telling anyone. You were about to head back when you heard the sound of crashing metal. 

“Hello, is anyone there?” You didn’t mean to say anything, but you were caught off guard. Against your better judgment, you began to walk towards that alley. You were desperate to find him after all.

“Stay back! RETREAT!” shouted a panicked autotuned voice. It was Rin.

“Rin? Is that you? Are you ok?” you rushed down the alley to find Rin hiding next to a dumpster.

“Don’t look at me!” Rin was trying to cover the right side of his face with his arm.

“What? Are you alright?”

“Y-yeah! Do not worry about me, I’ll make it back fine,” Rin tried to stand up, still covering his face, but immediately fell back down because his leg was missing.

“Look… everyone’s worried about you and you won’t be able to make it back by yourself with that leg,” you gestured at Rin’s broken leg. Please let me help you, I know some shortcuts.” You offered your arm. Rin hesitantly lifted his hand for his face and grabbed your hand for support. The metal that covered the right side of her face was gone, revealing the damaged hardware underneath.

You involuntarily flinched, he may not have been human, but it was still pretty jarring to look at something that looked like a person who was missing part of their face. Rin also flinched, covering his missing face with both of his hands now.

“I’m so sorry about that”, you rubbed your neck, “I just… well I didn’t expect the injury to be that bad.”

“You aren’t going to scream, are you?

“What? No, I'm very sorry about that. Besides I’ve seen way worse” you joked, trying to release the tension. Rin hesitantly uncovered his face once again and grabbed your hand and pulled himself up. The two of you dodged the groups of people walking through Metro Divison.

As the two of you were walking through, you couldn’t help but wonder about Rin’s reaction when it suddenly hit you, 1010 got severely injured during the rock revolution. One of these injuries included all of them losing their faceplates. Their fans unsurprisingly freaked out which caused 1010 to explode due to some protocol Neon J must’ve implemented. Your heart sank when you realized Rin’s reaction wasn’t because he was worried about his image, but he was scared of you screaming and what would follow afterward.

——————

After that incident, Rin seemed to act differently towards you. He took you more seriously and listened to your reports

Even after Neón J came back, Rin still came to you for your reports

Probably just practice for when Neón j retires, you thought

As the weeks passed, the time spent on the casual chats you had increased to the point you’d forgot to give him the actual report several times

“And that’s how we got Quienne and Bebe.” Rin had just finished telling you the story of how they got their cats by Haym and Eloni smuggling them in through a box. This was one of many of the 'behind the scenes stories' that Rin had told you. While they didn’t act that much different when they weren’t on camera or in front of a crowd, it was nice to be trusted enough to hear about their personal lives.

“So what about you?”

“Hm?”

“Do you have any good stories? I don’t think it’s fair if I tell all of my secrets after all~.” Rin teased

“Well, I do have one. I was at a dance audition and waiting for my turn to perform and this dude that was performing was pretty much a circus act. He was doing all these frontflips and backflips and it was just crazy. Wish I had recorded it.”

“You used to be a performer? How come you stopped?” Rin curiously asked.

“Nah, I never made it past the first round of auditions. I didn't really mind since I only entered to support a friend.” You sipped on your coffee

“That’s a shame.” Rin paused for a moment. “You know I could always offer you lessons.”

 “that's really nice, but I’ll have to decline. No amount of practice can fix these two left feet.” You looked at the clock, realizing half an hour had passed. You quickly said your goodbye and left to avoid getting into trouble. Rin watched your back as he left, unsure why he couldn’t take his eyes off you.

——————

Rin was walking to his dressing room when he saw you walking alongside several other security staff. As rude as it sounded, Rin normally wouldn’t think twice about the people he worked with. Most staff would either quit from being harassed by crazy 1010 fans or get fired for secretly being 1010 fans who used the job to get access to 1010 content, or worse, 1010 themselves. Rin shuddered as memories of one of the many incidents came back. Rin could count on both of his hands the amount of current staff that has been working for over a year and you were one of them. Rin began to think about the early part of his career when he and his family would actively engage with the staff, talking about both of their personal lives and inviting them over to hang out in the mansion. He and his brothers stopped interacting with the staff after the high turnover started. What was the point of talking with them if they were going to quit and avoid 1010 like the plague or get fired and be avoided by 1010 like the plague. He was glad that he could talk to you. He also liked the sound of your voice and how your eyes sparkled brighter than the LEDs that lit up him and his brothers. Rin blushed at the last thoughts. The sound of your voice and the sparkle of your eyes? It’s not like he was in love with you or anything. He was technically your boss and your relationship was completely professional. Yeah, your interactions were one of his favorite parts of his day and your smile would always brighten his day, but even if he was in love with you(which he is not) there’s still the challenge of gaining the approval of his family and having to deal with his fan’s harassment. He couldn’t let you go through that. Though Rin couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to talk with you outside of work…even go on a couple dates… maybe he was in love afterall.

——————

You walked past Rin and smiled. Despite your attempts, you fell for Rin's charm just like his fans did and it took you no time to notice this. You knew you were never going to say anything, afterall, everyone knows the rule about not dating coworkers and Rin can choose practically anyone, why would he pick you?

——————

It was the first concert after the rock revolution

The fans were extra antsy due to the lack of content, so it was all hands on deck

You were positioned on the front of the stage

This concert was no different than the previous ones, 1010 were performing, a couple of their fans attempted to jump on the stage, and you could barely hear your own thoughts over the mix of music and cheering. Suddenly both of those stopped. You looked at the stage and so 1010 standing still in mid-performance. You were told about this situation during training: it was either a malfunction or a hacking. You prayed that it wasn’t the latter. 1010 suddenly began to move in sync, but it was different from their normal in sync movement. You saw two fans get tackled to the ground as a red saw blade passed them at what would’ve been chest height. Your radio buzzed loudly as you were given your new orders:

“Get everyone out of there.”

It was chaos as you rushed around to get everyone out of the venue. Those with superhuman abilities(pyrokinesis, levitation, etc) stayed behind to prevent 1010 from leaving the venue. Despite not having any abilities, you stayed behind too. You were running around in the back looking for anyone who still might be there when the rubble from an explosion behind you knocked you to the ground. You quickly got up and saw Rin towering over Neon J. Without thinking, you quickly grabbed a nearby pipe that came from the newly busted wall and smashed it over Rin’s head. This managed to stop his attack, but it also brought his attention to you. He suddenly ran towards you, grabbed you, and threw you against the wall. Your consciousness began to fade in and out as your head collided with the wall. You saw Rin approaching you, then darkness, Rin raising his arm to strike, darkness again, Rin being pulled away by Neón J, darkness again, the inside of an ambulance, and then nothing.

——————

You woke up in a hospital room. Your eyes scanned the room: on your right was a monitor accompanied by an IV drip. On your left was a small table with flowers, a get-well balloon, a couple cards, and a Rin with a worried face sitting on one of the chairs of the room. Rin noticed you were awake and quickly rushed before stopping unsure of what to do.

“Y/N” Rin said, unsure of what to do or say

“Rin”

“Y/N… I’m so sorry about what happened- I didn’t want to-I couldn’t stop- if there’s anything I can do to make it up to you-” Rin began to stutter out of guilt. He kept making sentences but giving up on them and starting new ones.

“Rin, please” Rin paused and looked at you. “It’s not your fault, I know you would never do this” the two of you sat in silence for what felt like an eternity before you continued, “You know... if the offers still up… I’d be happy to accept those dance lessons when I get discharged." Rin began to smile

“Yeah, the offers still up”

——————

Neon J walked through the hospital’s halls. For the past two weeks, he had been personally escorting Rin to your hospital room. He knew Rin felt responsible for your injuries so he didn’t object to this despite the possible security risks(he couldn't keep his boys locked up). He had heard from Rin that you had woken up and he was glad that you were ok, but he had to cut your visitor time short due to an interview that all 1010 members must be present for. He walked into your room to find the two of you sleeping with Rin’s head on your lap. 

“It’ll be fine if Rin misses one interview.” Neon J thought as he closed the door. He also began to wonder how long it will be before Rin introduces you officially to the family.

[miyagihawk]

“idfc; blackbear (again it’s so easily related to hawk vibes, maybe he’s afraid to open up again for a relationship after moon so he acts like he doesn’t care about the reader but the mfs actually so in love😩✋🏻)” - @hawkwhore

ugh i love this sm and blackbear 😛 ty for the request as always <3

idfc | eli “hawk” moskowitz x reader

warnings: just cursing?

summary: based on idfc by blackbear :) hawk doesn’t like you and you don’t know why

a/n: soooo i kinda strayed from the song LOL sorry but this is kinda more cutesy and less angsty than the song. i actually like it though :)

You don’t know why he seemed to hate you.

Ever since you walked into the dojo for the first time, it was like you couldn’t escape his death stare.

Eventually, you got closer to Miguel, his best friend, so you two started going to the same parties and hanging out more often. But he never seemed to warm up to you.

Miguel said Hawk was just intimidated by you because you always beat him when Sensei calls you both to spar. So you let him win one time, but he seemed to hate you even more after.

Which is why you started Operation Get Hawk To Like Me.

It seemed like a fun challenge to get the broody boy to enjoy your company, but you also sincerely wanted to be friends with him. When he would laugh with Miguel and he smiled like the sun, it made you sad that he was so cold towards you but so warm towards others. You wanted the sun.

You decided that the first part of O.G.H.T.L.M was to subtlety be nicer; you didn’t want to be desperately kind out of nowhere and make him dislike you even more.

“Hey!” you called after the red haired boy who was about to open the door to the dojo.

Hawk turned around slowly at the sound of your voice, and you winced at the annoyed look on his face.

“I- uh, I got this for you,” you held out a blueberry smoothie. When everyone hung out at Golf N Stuff, you saw that he got that flavor and took a mental note.

The boy stood in front of you with a twisted face, not reaching out to take the drink. “Why?” he asked.

You shifted awkwardly, feeling nervous under his stare. Was this too forward? “Um... I accidentally got an extra one?” you made the excuse lamely. “Just take it.”

“Give it to Miguel,” Hawk turned around and sauntered into the dojo, leaving you with a frown. But you wiped off any trace of your disappointed expression and walked into practice too.

-

You tried everything.

You waved at him every time you passed each other in the halls. You got him drinks at parties and you even offered to be the designated driver so that he could get wasted with Miguel.

When you two sparred, you lost on purpose each time. Sensei even pulled you aside to ask if something was wrong. “Hawk is getting better,” was all you said, but he didn’t seem convinced.

The list of things you were trying to do for Operation Get Hawk To Like Me seemed endless and you were totally kissing his ass. His feelings about you weren’t budging, and it seemed like this was just a hopeless mission.

“I just don’t get why he hates me so much. I’m trying so hard,” you groaned.

“Maybe that’s why. You’re trying too hard,” Miguel said across from you with a mouthful of fries.

“Well I don’t know what to do then. I want him to know I’m trying.”

“He knows,” your best friend nodded his head nonchalantly.

Your face scrunched up in confusion, causing Miguel to give you an amused look. “Then why doesn’t he care? I’m starting to think there’s just something wrong with me,” you huffed, crossing your arms.

“You should just talk to him if it’s bothering you so much,” Miguel shrugged.

“I guess I should,” you slumped, feeling intimidated by the thought of confronting Hawk. Was it even worth it? If he didn’t want to be your friend now, then what would change if you talked to him? If he would even agree to talk.

-

Tonight. The final step that would determine if you were going to give up on Hawk.

The truth is, it really hurt your feelings how little he cared about you. And it hurt even more when you went out of your way to get him to even acknowledge you as an acquaintance.

You don’t know why it affected you so badly; maybe you’ve always had a teensy crush on him. And maybe this little plan you formulated was actually motivated by your subconscious desire to really get to know him, even though you passed it off as wanting to simply be his friend.

So tonight, at the party you were all going to, you were going to talk to him. And get the truth on why he was so persistent in shoving you away.

“Woah, slow down Y/N. Miss lightweight,” Miguel eyed you cautiously when you downed another cup of beer.

“I just need some liquid courage to face Hawk,” you licked your lips, already feeling the effect of the alcohol clouding your mind. You started to sway without noticing, making Miguel laugh at you amusingly.

“Well good luck with that. But that’s enough, or you won’t even get any words out,” he took the cup from you and you pouted. Miguel subtly motioned behind you, and you turned around to look.

It was the red haired boy you’ve been avoiding all night; the one who made your palms sweat when you thought about the conversation you were planning to have.

But with the alcohol giving you a rush of confidence, you walked up to him with no anxiety. His eyes widened when he saw you rushing forward, and he almost looked afraid.

“Can I talk to you?” you said solidly, feeling braver than you usually are. Hawk looked at you, confused, but nodded to his friends before following you to go somewhere quieter.

He traced behind you as you opened the door to go outside, where there were less people and the music wasn’t so loud.

“Um... is something wrong?” Hawk stood awkwardly in front of you, scratching the back of his neck nervously.

“Of course there’s something wrong,” you replied in a meaner tone than you intended, but you brushed off the guilt.

“Well what is it?” he asked in his usual annoyed tone that he used only when he needed to speak to you.

You felt your cheeks heat up with frustration. “Why don’t you like me?” you blurted out, and the expression on his face told you that he wasn’t prepared for it at all.

“W-What?” Hawk stuttered, his previously composed persona was gone.

“Why don’t you like me?” you repeated, more forcefully. “I am so nice to you. But you just hate me and I have no idea why! And you’re just best buds with everyone else, so I know you aren’t incapable of having friends. Do you know how shitty that feels? Especially when I try so hard to just get you to treat me decently!” your mouth ran on and on and words were coming out without you thinking.

Your blurred vision from your anger cleared after you caught your breath, and you focused on his shocked expression. It was the most expression he’s ever shown you.

“I-I-” Hawk stammered, but you cut him off.

“Look, I’ll leave you alone if you just tell me to. But tell me why, so I can give up. I’m sorry, okay? For whatever I’ve done that makes you not even want to be near me. And I don’t even know why I feel like I need you to like me, I just-”

This time he was the one to interrupt you. “I do like you.”

You blinked in confusion, taken aback by his words.

Hawk licked his lips anxiously, taking a breath in before speaking, “I’m sorry. I know I’ve been a dick. The truth is... I’ve been... um... catching feelings for you. And I guess I was trying to protect myself by pushing you away.”

Your mouth dropped open at his confession. Out of all the responses you were expecting when you were overthinking about the conversation, this one was one you could have never seen coming. But surprisingly, it made your stomach turn and your heartbeat accelerate.

He continued, this time looking into your eyes with his blue ones. “I don’t hate you at all. I just... I just felt like last time I caught feelings for someone I just got hurt. And I was all in, but they weren’t. That’s why I keep myself from getting close to you. I’m sorry Y/N,” Hawk confessed his whole heart, leaving you speechless.

After barely getting a few words out of him everyday, his confession of feelings was overwhelming. But you finally understood him. You knew about his relationship with Moon and how it went down from all the school gossip, but for some reason you never pieced together that it was why his guard was up so high.

“I don’t really know what to say,” you admitted, still feeling woozy from both the alcohol and his speech. You weren’t sure about your feelings and you didn’t want to say something you didn’t mean. Yes, you had feelings for him too, but everything was going so fast.

Hawk gave you a smile that calmed you from your worry. “It’s okay, sorry. It was a lot. But if you still want we can be friends.” He reached out his hand for you to shake and confirm your partnership.

Instead of taking it, you took him by surprise by wrapping your arms around his shoulders. He melted into the hug after a few seconds, and you smiled from behind his view. “Friends,” you pulled away and he beamed at you warmly.

You finally got the sun.

a/n: omg bye this was not like the song at all SORRY there wasn’t that much action it was just fluffy IVE BEEN WATCHING TOO MUCH MIRACULOUS LADYBUG like they r so soft and u can see the influence of it on my writing lmaoo anyways hope u enjoyed!! :)

[everythingsinred]

Hello! I have been really really loving to read your analysis of Gakuen Alice they are very good and loved to read all your analysis about Natsume's character.

I just finished to read the series and I'm not so happy about the ending, what do you think about the ending? For me it felt a little bit rushed and superficial. I was waiting more from Natsume's pov 😅 I was also waiting more from Natsume's and Mikan's reunion.

Hoping to read more of your posts about Gakuen Alice!

thank you for reading my analysis! i was originally planning on doing just three for natsumikan (anime, manga!natsume pov, and manga!mikan pov) but as ive written them i decided maybe to do a short one for natsume and ruka's friendship, and maybe some other shorter ones if i can think of enough material (ex: i find narumi very intriguing but idek if id be able to analyze him bc i dont understand him lol)

and yeah i agree with you on the ending. ive ranted abt it many times bc i actually really dislike it. it IS rushed especially for natsume and mikan. that ending is meh in the first place but if it was to happen that way, it shouldve at least had a few more chapters so the reunions were more meaningful and the loose ends got taken care of. oh well.... ;-; ga breaks my heart with how AMAZING most of the writing is until... the end.... :/ meh. so youre definitely not alone in feeling disappointed with it. ive been upset with it since it came out and have only liked it less and less with each read.

thank u for ur support <3 feedback like this is what gets me motivated to write more! im very excited to write more analysis and also fanfiction <3