#<- straight bf discourse

[iwanttobepersephone]

Ok so I went to my first ever pride today and only then did it really click just how STUPID online pride discourse is

I saw like 3 fully bearded people with their tits half out. Good for them tbh they looked great

Atleast 4 queer Bible study groups were advertising, and this was a small pride parade too so it was definitely noticeable

A good chunk the people there were either on the older side of middle-aged or elderly

There were only like 3 booths that had kinky stuff, but it was all very polite, 2 of the 3 had like things that mostly covered the products so parents could make sure their kids couldn't see, it really wasn't like "oh there's penises everywhere!" You would just kinda walk up to a booth and realize that there's just a whole corner of bdsm gear. One of them was even handing out condoms which was kinda cool I guess

I saw a woman wearing an omnisexual pin and a man wearing an ally shirt with their 2 small children and they were having a great time. Nobody cared in the slightest and tbh the kids were adorable

All of which are things I have seen so many people make a fuss about, and I just. You didn't have the space to make a fuss about it irl cause there were too many people at every single booth having a great time! So, to anybody who sees this that has yet to go to a pride event but sees a lot of discourse online, it is all so so so much stupider than you could ever know. Like, I'm sure I still don't even know they half of it

[afterthegoldrushes]

joan baez and bob dylan were the first victims of bi girls bringing their straight bf to pride discourse

[pseudophan]

ok I sent you an ask when TIT was announced asking if I should bring my straight boyfriend, and you never answered and I was still debating. so dan being SO emphatic that "I wanna see [straight bfs] in the audience" and "it is contextless-boyfriend approved" is hilarious and affirming. ty for looking out for the bi girlies Mr. Howell

oh i remember that ask! because i almost did answer it but realised i had no idea what to say cause i didn't know whether the tour needed a lot of context or not. thank you dan for answering this question for everyone. now lets start discourse about whether or not straight boyfriends belong at pride (the dan and phil tour)

[olderthannetfic]

I would never defend them - at least not the ones who actually harass people - but I do wonder if there's some antis out there who genuinely come from good intentions.

Super serious and genuinely shameful confession: I'm an ex-radfem. I went into those circles in the first place bc I liked some of Dworkin's works. And while I obviously do not recommend anyone ever get into radical feminism, I will say this: If haven’t been down that very specific rabbit hole of ideology yourself - especially in online settings - you cannot even begin to imagine how fucking INSANELY pervasive the ideas are. Even if you've been a victim of radfem hate, if you haven't been a radfem yourself, I'm truly inclined to think you have no idea what those spaces are actually like. Sorta like how if you've been a victim of fundie hate, that is awful and it fucking sucks, but if you haven't been raised fundie yourself, you really don't know what it's like to be IN those circles, just a VICTIM of those circles.

I hate to throw around words like “hivemind” or “groupthink” but it is that. I went into radfem spaces thinking that I was above believing certain things that they believed but I clearly wasnt, it is so fucking toxic and that’s why i’ll never believe that “TIRF” (trans inclusionary radfem - something I tried and failed to be) can be a real thing. And then these same people have the audacity to call trans rights a cult, but you know, it's whatever.

Obviously terfs are more serious in the "real world" than antis are, but there are some parallels in the way that both groups feel about kink/porn discourse. (No, I'm not saying that antis "believe TERF ideology" or anything, but I do think in the specific context of sex stuff, there ARE alot of parallels.)

I am not defending radfems either, but I will say that I got into it because I was genuinely worried about things such as: PH and how they just steal content from sex workers, the abuse going on in the sex work industry, the phenomenon of young girls who are waiting to turn 18 so they can start an OF account, romance novels that were not marketed as dark but should've been considering they straight up romanticized abuse and rape.

I really do think that most antis are of a similar mindset -- people, typically young traumatized people (not trying to pull the neurodivergent minor card, it's just that statistically speaking, that label CAN describe most antis) who are truly worried that, like, idk, some young girl is gonna watch Twilight or read Reylo fic and think that an overly possessive bf is #goals. Again, I'm NOT trying to defend this ideology or line of thinking at all, I'm just saying that i DO think most of them really don't realize the harm that they're doing, and actually think they're doing good.

I actually kinda feel bad for them, but like my earlier comparisons, I feel bad for them in the same way I feel bad for fundies or evangelicals. I feel bad that they hold such an awful ideology while thinking they're doing good things, but I stop feeling bad once they start ACTUALLY hurting people and I'll always feel worse for the people who they harass and harm.

And like I'd never want to be a radfem again and I hate that I was one once but, between myself and your ~10k (ballpark estimate lol) followers, I think that my time spend in that belief system gave me some really good insight to cult mindsets, which was something I didn't understand before or have much sympathy towards, and I've emerged with a lot of empathy for people who ARE stuck in bad ideologies. I could've been born into a hate group. I could've been preyed on by alt-right people and sucked in that way. Instead, it was reading radblr during quarantine that got me. Before I fell into it, I just mindlessly hated everyone in that group, and now I just feel sorry for them (still without justifying any of their actions).

It's honestly a really, really, complicated thing to try to grapple with. Anyone, yes including you reading this, can be brainwashed into hate. The second you think you're too good for that, you've lost.

This was more of a vent than a discourse ask. I guess my tl;dr is: I hate antis, terfs, fundamentalists, etc, as much as the next guy, but I also recognize that some of those people truly truly do think they're on the right side of history, and some of those people have been sucked into an ideology they never would've believed otherwise if not for xyz factors. While hate groups will never deserve pity, there are some vulnerable people in hate groups who for some reason believe they're doing good, and I wish I could help all of those people.

--

Yeah, I assume many antis are perfectly sincere in their desire to protect people. They're just wrong about what will work.

[bloggingboutburgers]

Reading your blog, I'm starting to see my relationship with my bf differently (we've been together for over a decade). Like, I've been questioning my romantic orientation for some time, suspecting I might be somewhere on the aromantic spectrum. But I realise I don't really have a clear image of what romance actually is and if it's something I have in my relationship. Like, he's my best friend. But what makes it different that a very close friendship? Apart, you know, the fact we live together and see each other every day. I'm also asexual so we don't really have sex, but for the very rare time I feel like doing something for him, but it's not really something we do, though I know sex and romance are to different things, straight people tend to say that the difference between friendship and dating is sex. I've heard allos saying "if I don't have sex with my s/o, what are we? Friends?" Anyway, I'm just more and more confused by what those criterias are for defining what is and what is not a romantic relationship. Love? I mean, love can have so many forms, how am I to regognise which one I feel? I just care about my bf. I like spending time together. We help each other on a daily basis. And when one of us need alone time we give as much time as the other needs. We do our things each in our corners and meet in the middle when we want company. We're happy this way. And that's great! I just can't comprehend what this all means. Sometimes I'm confused about the feelings I get for other people. Am I attracted to them or do I just want to smother them with my intense friendship? Which is hard. I sometimes feel like I love my friend to hard and I shy away during our interactions for fear to overwhelm them with my love. What's the difference between the two? Between my relationship with my bf and the friendship with those people I have to keep away sometime for fear to be "too much"? I'm sorry for these ramblings. You probably don't have the answers to this, but I needed to tell all this to someone that might understand at least some of it. I love your blog btw.

Sorry I'm replying so late – but thank you so much for all of this input, it's actually so interesting to hear your take on your own experience.

You're right, I don't have the answers, because every experience is very personal and I don't wanna project onto others, but there's a lot of points I actually relate to very much – like, I don't have a clear idea of what romance even is either, I just feel in my gut that it's not what I have with my queerplatonic partner. I guess in my own case I've also always had a bit of trouble with the idea of a "best friend" (like, I HAVE entertained the idea that this or that person might be my "best friend" at some points in my life, but I always end up coming back to the thought that I don't feel OK putting one person above others in my head – I work more in tiers made out of several people at once).

I might also be overthinking things but I often hear in the long-term-relationship discourse that romantic partnerships often wind up turning into friendship over time and that's OK – no idea how that works but it's interesting to think about, and I wonder if there's any truth to that on an aromantic spectrum basis? Like maybe... If both of us are on the aromantic spectrum, then maybe we just didn't get the "romantic high" part because we don't feel romantic attraction or feel it less than most people, and we're straight to that "friendship" part people talk about? ...Either way, what you describe with your bf sounds like a vibe, a healthy vibe to me. Sounds like you guys have it figured out and I wish you the best, honestly.

Also lol it really IS a useful and sobering reminder that to most allo people, the "sex = romance" idea is probably very prevalent still... Makes it even harder to figure ourselves out

Either way sorry for rambling and thank you SO MUCH for sharing your self-reflection, honestly, whatever conclusion you come to I hope life is good for you^^

[rainbowdaisy13]

interesting discourse about whether she could come out as bi while having 🏈dude attached to her. Would that make it safer for her or more palatable for her conservative fans? I did think that she was planning to come out as bi in 2019 because she genuinely thought she was bi then. But notably she did also have Joe as a public bf then, so who knows, maybe a big man bf is part of the exit strategy and then she can break up with him and date women. Partly agree with previous anon that coming out as gay would call her entire career into question, imagine the girl who 'writes about her boyfriends' coming out as a lesbian...

You triggered a novel in my brain

I think for straight people who do not know the history of closeting/Bearding in Hollywood, the idea that she’s been a lesbian ‘this whole time’ would rock their worlds. Rickey Martin and Elton John both Lavendar married women, eventually came out, and no one blacklisted their careers as a farce

With Taylor there is a difference IMO because she has made Bearding such an integral part of her rise to fame. Her talent has always been there for those in the know, but in order to stand out from the rest of the pop girlies, she pushed her public social life/relationships with famous men as this well curated almost influencer-like dream—Swifties wanted to be her, and really believed they could be! She’s just like us!! So many fans grew up thinking she actually knew them and liked them and she fostered that to a degree that became unsustainable the more famous she got. A huge part of that was being the relatable straight BFF that agrees “men suck” in the shallowest sense, and who wrote songs about heartache/how boys never know what they had till it’s gone

We will never know how complicit she has been in orchestrating these Bearding narratives, and if she’s even capable of being able to think honestly about it given that she was a child under contract when it all began. It’s all she’s ever known as a famous musician, so it stands to reason she is absolutely terrified of being “found out” when she’s spent her entire life playing pretend to hide her true muses and lovers

[drop-dead-dropout]

NEW USERNAME local-queer-disappointment -> drop-dead-dropout

unpinning my other post because i want to talk a little about me and this space that i've created! hi i'm alex and i dropped out of high school twice lol

i think a dni is stupid because people never listen anyways, which is why i haven't had one, but i still see the value in at least telling people who this little corner is for.

also YELL AT ME ON DISCORD I'M woahits_alex.mp3 IF U ASK ME ABOUT FIC RECS FOR MY FANDOMS I'LL CRY WITH HAPPINESS

anyways opinion stuff under the cut. you don't have to read it, and you don't even have to listen if you do, but i might argue with you (<- serial arguer) so if you want to avoid the Discourse here ya go.

you are welcome here:

- ALL queers. trans men, trans women, nonbinary, intersex, poc queers, xenogender, "contradictory" labels like mspec gays/lesbians lesboys/turigirls/sapphileans (omg it's me!!), slur reclaims, detransitioners (who are not transphobic), mspec lesbians, aro/ace and all variations thereupon, unlabeled, questioning, etc. i love all of you. i love the community that we share. we are family, whether or not some of us want to be, and exclusionism is Not Funky Fresh!!

- pro Palestine!! i don't always rb posts as much as i used to (i am scared of spreading misinformation) but i think i'll start doing that again! (don't forget your daily click guys)

- jewish people. i am specifically adding this one to say that because of the shitty Everything, i've seen a lot of concerning antisemitic stuff recently so i'm just, yk, putting this out there.

- disabilities/systems/cluster b disorders/AAC users. i am not any of these things (except maybe plural??) so if i say/do something out of line please tell me! but i love you guys and you're absolutely welcome here.

- proshippers (if this bothers you block and move on)

- furries. not personally one of y'all but i think you're neat and you make cool art :]

- literally, like, anyone, as long as you're not a dick

you are not welcome here:

- terfs, transphobes, exclusionists, anti-mspec, anti-lesboy, and people who think transandrophobia is "fake" or whatever. go away i don't like you (or at least be prepared to be blocked or yelled at)

- similarly to last, anyone who starts queer infighting or hates on less visible queers/strangers who don't "look" queer, the whole "bi girl's straight bf" nonsense (i don't care if you think someone is cishet. you have no way of knowing that. let's stop hating people for immutable characteristics and start having thoughtful criticisms of people's actions thanks)

- ZIONISTS. BYE BYE

- (but also antisemites because come on now let's notttt. judiasm ≠ zionism)

- ableists, fatphobia, racists/bigots, general dickheads

- antishippers (again, you can either leave now or expect to be argued with)

other general stuff:

- i accept anonymous asks! and also non anonymous ones. ask me shit idk

- i am autistic and VERY gullible. if i reblog a "bait" post, or something that's clearly fake or a joke with a genuine reaction, i'm probably not playing some 5d irony chess i'm probably just stupid. sorry y'all i'm trying :\

- i don't rb nsfw. not as, like, a rule, i just don't see the value in doing so lol. if i ever did i'd tag it and probably update this

UPDATE: thought i should clarify, i don't rb nsfw but i do rb nsfw humor, like dick jokes and stuff. hope there's no confusion

- i argue with people!! i enjoy arguing with people!! usually it's in replies and not reblogs but still. if you are allergic to stuff like that maybe don't follow me? i also rb "discourse" posts, mostly transmasc support stuff and callouts of transandrophobia, general solidarity stuff with the trans community or lgbt community as a whole, proship stuff, politics, current events, that kinda thing.

- this is, shockingly, supposed to be a fandom blog! (i got carried away; i always do.) current fandoms include: ace attorney (the one this blog was supposed to be about), doctor who (childhood hyperfixation come back to bite my ass), and splatoon (no excuse). also mha is basically my abusive boyfriend stockholm syndroming me to stay at this point but i'm trying to get better (not). you can find the records of my failing recovery at @alex-is-losing-sleep-over-krbk /hj (i also sometimes shamelessly rb this blog's posts over there lol)

and i guess since i'm mentioning fandoms, here are my fav ships: wrightworth, klapollo, franmaya, thoschei, pearlina, agent 24, & cuttletavio.

anyways, that's about it. love you all :]

[bauliya]

every year straight bf of bi girl discourse comes around and every yeaaarrrr the question is like okay how are you gonna clock if he’s a cishet or not 🤨 but the real question should be a.) don’t bring your boyfriend to pride if he’s queerphobic and b.) if he’s queerphobic you should dump him because sooner or later he’s going to be violent towards you because YOU’RE QUEER and c.) predatory men do exist in prides/queer spaces and their existence mostly isn’t the fault of women and we need solid mechanisms to keep ourselves space and also to hold predatory men accountable

[gwyoi]

I think the bi girl straight boyfriend discourse is so strange because well I think every woman even straight women struggle with comphet because we live in a hetero patriarchy . so getting mad at bi girls bringing cishet bf’s to pride further alienates them and drives them to not fully explore their sexuality in a way…? like blaming the individual instead of power structures that are putting others in the community in danger

[dearweirdme]

(warning, this got way longer than anticipated sorry)

ik this is probably a dead topic to you and i apologize for bringing it up again but i was just rewatching the leaked jk videos of him in his apartment with that girl bc i saw some discourse abt it in another tkk blog’s comments. some jk stan who’s convinced he’s straight, that he was sleeping arnd/had a girlfriend, and that we’re all delusional came in the comments and basically started stirring shit lol. they mentioned they believed he was dating that tattoo artist girl who he was photographed w his arms arnd as well. but i thought she had a bf at the time of that pic being released? idk fs tho and that pic def gave off close friend vibes to me?

anyways, seeing the discourse made me go back and watch the video again and the more i watch it the more conflicted i get. like he is rlly all over her. arms wrapped all around her and walking holding her from behind like that. ofc it’s POSSIBLE that they’re just friends especially if he is gay/queer (ik that kind of physical affection is more typically acceptable between queer men and straight women than when both parties are straight). but to me for some reason it seems improbable and like that’s just an excuse to keep myself believing in tkk ? like really…we’re convincing ourselves him and the girl he had at his apartment at night alone w him are just friends when almost everyone and their mother would see that as clearly romantic and crossing platonic boundaries ? he’s THAT close, comfortable, and affectionate w a girl he’s just friends with ?

lol subconsciously i feel like im probably submitting this to ur account hoping ur response will give me reassurance that the interaction was not romantic even when it’s likely that it was. to me the video is clearly real and it is actually jungkook so that’s not at all the part that im debating about, but just the nature of the interaction ig ? like how long am i going to convince myself he’s queer and w taehyung when theres a lot that implies otherwise…

but then i think back on the reasons why i believe in tkk and that makes me even more confused lol. bc if i tell myself to just accept that jk is straight/not romantically involved w taehyung then idk how to make sense of many of tkk’s interactions either. like the kappa sweethearts tshirt is the one that rlly gets me for some reason. bc there’s no shot it was a coincidence they were wearing such a specific niche tshirt on the same day at the same time too. and why would friends wear matching literal “sweethearts�� tshirts? they wouldn’t right? ik other ppl value the dream premiere and other moments more but those tshirts are so unarguable that it’s something i always circle back to. like to me saying their clothes at the dream premiere were intentionally queer coded is not something that is necessarily factually true. it’s more so an assumption after extensively digging into the background of their clothes which they may or may not have even noticed/intended. that to me could be argued as a coincidence but the kappa shirts are 100% the same specific tshirt and it was 100% the same day. that being a coincidence is less likely to me.

the other thing is the way they keep their friendship/relationship so much more under wraps than the others. but maybe that’s something we’ve just convinced ourselves of when maybe they haven’t rlly been that private/secretive abt it? idk i just go round and round in circles. i’ll come to a point where i feel SO sure that tkk are romantically together (especially with how explicit tae is w his support of the queer community) but then i’ll see some shit like that video of jk in his apartment w a girl and the whole thing gets derailed.

sorry i’ve just talked in circles atp and i could probably go back and forth w more examples for forever but yeah idk just wanted to hear your thoughts bc idk how you’re able to stay so secure in believing they are together. and i don’t think u seem like the type to just continuously convince urself of something that is delusional through confirmation bias and disregard of opposing evidence.

Hi anon!

Yeah, you probably ar submitting this because you want me to reassure you 😊 and that’s totally fine honestly. I mean, we are invested in Tae and Jk and stuff can really become complicated and confusing at times. Being confused is never a great feeling and you just want to not feel confused.

I need things to be realistic myself as well. I don’t need Jk and Tae to be together, I basically just think they are. I’m not afraid to step away from them if I feel they’re no longer together (or.. if they never were). And I will definitely let everyone know if/when I ever feel like something is off (and right after that I will hide because Jkkrs and anti’s will come for my head 😂).

To me it is all about the things I know for sure. Like Tae wearing that t-shirt for instance.. on the same day as Jk when he shot that mv. To me that is something strong and real talking in favor of them being together. Same goes for other situations: Tae and Jk at that hotel after/before Dubai, Jk singing that song to Tae, BH acting weird about them (and them alone), the way Tae constantly mentions Jk… and I could go on for a while probably. Those are actual things we have witnessed.. things that are real and when you look at the whole of it.. things that are consistent and that we have witnessed for a prolonged duration of time.

When I look at the footage of supposedly Jk with that girl, I see a person backhugging a girl for a real short amount of time. I have no context, I have no clue about there being more people or not. I can also clearly see that the footage is manipulated. I know it was released at a shady timing, with the purpose of harming him. I know that there’s an actual platform where people who hate him gather and plan stuff like this.

So when I put what I know is true about Jk and Tae next to what I know of that footage… the scale just tips over. I do not trust shady footage more than I trust what I know of Jk and Tae. And I might be wrong.. absolutely. But I just don’t think I am.

If I had no knowledge about Tae and Jk before seeing that footage.. maybe I wouldn’t have secondguessed it as well. But, I do have that other knowledge and therefore if I see something that goes against that.. I look at what’s fed to me more critically.

I don’t know if this has settled your mind anon. Personally I always feel fine with not having all the answers, but I can also understand that can be real unsettling. Maybe try and land in the ‘I don’t know for now’ zone for a bit?

[alarrytale]

Hey there!

I've recently joined the Red White and royal blue Fandom and I'm kinda puzzled by some comments I read about Nicholas, may I ask you?

I saw people saying that he's deleted a lot of rwrab posts after the movie has been released, and denied to talk explicitly about it during some interviews.

Than I saw a recent interview where he said he's feeling guilty of taking queer roles since he's a ****straight***** guy.

I don't know what to think about this?what is your opinion?

In total honesty, when I watched the movie, and some bts /interviews with tzp and nick together, I had the strong feeling that nick might have feelings for Taylor? (way before I discovered the things I've mentioned above I mean).

So when I discovered.. I kinda (kinda!) thought that nick tried to put some distance between him and Tay, also considering that Taylor is... Married? I always find very sus when someone willingly, and VERY CASUALLY, points out that they're, you know, very ***straight***, the kind of straight that feels guilty for getting queer roles lmao.

Dunno, maybe it's just my brain doing brainy things on this lol. What do you think? Thanks!

Hi, anon!

Welcome! I've talked about some of these things before so check out my nick galitzine tag, my tzp tag and my rwrb tag for more discourse on these topics.

My opinion on the straight guilt is that he feels genuinely guilty of not giving the queer community representation. Even though he is queer, he isn't in a postition to openly represent the queer community and normalise queer people in queer roles on screen. He may also feel guilty for taking the role from out queer men who are in a postition to represent the queer community. I think just reflecting on that fact and pointing it out is very mature of him, and the best approach to any critizism he might face for doing it. It's always sus when someone points out they're straight, and Nick is no exception. I'm beyond convinced he's queer at this point.

I have had a couple of anons claiming they've seen off screen attraction between tzp and nick, but i honestly don't see it. They've got incredible on screen chemistry, but i think they're very different people. TZP is happily married, and i think Nick most likely has got a bf of five years or so. The reason why Nick is deleting stuff might be to not pigeonhole himself as an actor who only takes on queer roles, but also to pull focus away from his queer roles and onto his current, straight roles. He wants to appear straight to get straight roles, and not just queer roles. I don't think it's that deep. He signed on for the rwrb sequel and the relationship between tzp and nick seems as amicable as ever.

[supergraphicultramoderngirl]

so much discourse this year abt “do straight bfs of bi girls belong at pride” and absolutely none about “do straight gfs of bi guys belong at pride”. like ok next time just say that you don’t believe in any sexuality that doesn’t cater to men exclusively

[ericbttle]

I know it’s a couple weeks late but what I find so funny about the most recent instance of the ‘bi girl’s straight bf’ discourse is that it spawned from a couple at a chapell roan concert and ppl went on twitter to boohoo only to be informed that both of the people in question are bisexual so these people who’d spurred up this huge discourse had to backtrack and be like ‘um well actually I wasn’t talking about THAT man, just some other unidentified enigma that I didn’t see myself but that I’m sure was definitely there’

[ididntchoosethebeardlife]

bi girls with straight bf this, bi girls with straight bf that. wheres my bi man with straight gf discourse? why cant i needlessly split the lgbt community over MY non-issue relationship?

[bitchmael]

on the "bi women bringing their cishet boyfriends to pride/queer spaces/etc." discourse. even when these boyfriends are not imagined as homophobic (& several iterations of this i've seen so far this month were not) they're still assumed to be intruding - the objection is to the presence of cishet men in any kind of even putatively "queer space" at all. to which you might say well, yeah, they are. but the number of "cishet men" i've known who started dating a bi woman and discovered they were not straight, or not cis, or not a man accounts for a pretty significant chunk of the total number of my bi friends' bfs, & that self-discovery can be pretty directly attributed to (often was by them!) their bi gf bringing them into these supposedly sacred queer spaces and allowing them to see what else was possible for them. you might say well how many guys would that be really. but queer people do tend to find each other even before they know they're queer, idk why it's such a stretch to imagine that's also true for (future) bi guys or trans women or non-binary people dating bi women

[violentdevotion]

dead discourse everyone keeps beating but I think it's interesting that it's always straight bfs of bi women and never straight girlfriends of bi men