#[ I'd have two nickels WHICH IS A LOT ALL THINGS CONSIDERED ]

[sylvva]

I GOT THE CUTEST SURPRISE TODAY !! CAMILLA PLUSHIE TO MATCH ALL MY OTHER STRAWHAT PLUSHIES !! LOOK AT HER !!!!

a million thanks to @episodeofdee for the plushie. camilla plushie is a late bday gift and I can't believe it is something I now own. the rest of the strawhats are plushies she sells in her shop !!

[esc-is-holding-me-hostage]

Semi-final 2 thoughts:

all those talks about Marina's long take with a steadicam only for Slimane to do the same thing but better

yeah, Nemo can still (and probably will) win

my boyfriend said that he would've liked We Will Rave if Saba was the one singing it, because her vocals are better. and honestly i agree

look, i'm a San Marino apologist and Megara enjoyer, but that was a total mess

if i had a nickel every time Belgium sent a dramatic bond-like pop song, that was considered a top-5 contender but then NQd because of weak vocals and messy staging then i'd have two nickels. which isn't a lot but it's weird that they did not learn the fucking lesson after 2018

also Mustii reminds me of Astarion Baldur's Gate 3

speaking of total messes. Estonia. horrible live, but i'm still happy they've qualified

Italy's staging is too busy. i don't mind maximalism but Angelina and her dancers just blended together with the graphics

so Joost was kinda disappointing tonight. not only promises of some "moon landing moment" turned out to be empty hype, but he also sounded terrible. oh well, more televote points to Croatia in the final, i guess

was anyone gonna tell me that my nemesis - German band Scooter tried for Eurovision in the 2004 or was I supposed to learn it from a skit?

congrats to Latvia and Georgia on ending their NQ streaks even though i would trade either of them for Czechia in a heartbeat

[babyrdie]

Hermes and divine horned babies

If I had a nickel for every time there was a myth involving Hermes with a divine horned baby, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice

I was supposed to be finishing my Artemis and Apollo WIP, which has been incomplete for days, but here I am with another Hermes. I think I'm going to have to draw Hermes again because twice I chose the worst possible framing and pose for him, because in this position 1) chlamys covers him a lot 2) his arm covers too much chlamys

Moving on! I had drawn this Hermes with Dionysus before (I posted it yesterday, more specifically), but I took the opportunity to be inspired by the Hymn to Pan. When I read it months ago, I thought it was cute how Hermes, upon seeing Pan, didn't feel at all bothered by his unusual appearance and was happy to see him. He picked him up and took him to Olympus and the gods were happy, especially Dionysus (who, by the way, is a deity often associated with satyrs). So, besides the similarity of being Hermes and a divine horned baby, putting this drawing of Dionysus back here for the connection between him and Pan as well.

Yes…I've been training how to draw babies because I had never drawn one before Achilles. How did you find out?! Certainly not because I have already drawn Thetis with baby Achilles, Hermes with baby Dionysus, now Hermes and Pan and I am still considering drawing Apollo with baby Hermes.

Pan's design is a bit of an obvious thing, I guess? In his Hynm it says that he was already somewhat "developed" in terms of fur and had goat-like characteristics, so that's what I did. A bearded baby. But it also said he was a happy, noisy baby, so he's giggly instead of the calmer face I did in Achilles and Dionysus.

As for my Hermes, in the drawing with Dionysus he's normal, but in the drawing with Pan you can notice that his face is a little strange because he's actively making an expression instead of just existing. Like, not blatantly weird, but his eyes don't quite follow the change in expression right? As incredible as it may seem, it's supposed to be strange. I swear this time it wasn't exclusively the fault of my serious problem making expressions in digital drawing!

I wanted him to look a little unnerving, the kind that gave off a slightly untrustworthy air, like a nod to Hermes' association with cunning. That's why I decided to make his petaso shadow his face, I chose facial features that gave him a more "mischievous" look and I drew eyes that, regardless of his expression, still looked a little strange. In short: I wanted him to have an appearance that, when he smiled, seemed a bit artificial to give him an air of untrustworthiness. Also, about the tooth gap visible now that I made him smile, this was intended to resemble a hare since it's one of the animals associated with Hermes.

[angelofthepage]

If I had a nickel for every time a FNAF video got me thinking critically about Bendy, I'd have two nickels, which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice. Today it's about how there's a lot we don't actually know in this series, and how maybe I need to stop driving myself crazy trying to figure it out.

So, this is where I reveal that I am anal about what I consider to actually be canon to Bendy, and that framing matters to me a lot. Like, if we're talking about The Illusion of Living for example, I will be very explicit in saying the canon is that Joey claims that Bendy was created by him, Henry, and Abby while sitting on the floor of his apartment. And that is the only thing that's canon, Joey claims this event happened in this way, but whether or not it actually happened in this way is unclear, since Joey perpetually lies to people throughout this series. Now, this is one of those events that I think he's telling the truth about personally, but no, all we have for the canon of that event is that Joey tells us it happened that way. That's not the same thing as "this is decidedly what happened". And this goes for every character, these characters are not guaranteed to be telling a truthful or accurate version of events at any time, some of them have reasons to either purposely abstract the truth, or unreliable memories due to the horrors of this world affecting their minds. I feel this VERY strongly with the books especially, because we know most of them have a lot of mental stuff going on because of the ink, but it's not just them. Look at Sammy and Susie, look at Tom, look at Wally and how charming but suspicious he is in what he knows. This series has VERY FEW reliable narrators, there is so much you have to interpret in order to get anywhere with it. So when people tell me something is "canon," I am immediately skeptical and want to know what their source is. Can't take anything at face value.

And the thing is, when you look at the canon through this lens, it is exhausting, technicalities will become the bane of your existence. This week I went back to some of the books with some friends, and the descriptions for Brant and Archie in TLO and FTB don't entirely line up with them being lost ones specifically as ink monsters (thank you Victor @reanimationstation for pointing that out and for the Sammy take that will follow here, I was so caught up in the moment I missed it on my first read-through). I feel like that's the intent with them, at the very least I feel like that's the intent with Brant because his book is literally titled "The Lost Ones", but the skeletal structure, the glowing eyes, things I would consider to be KEY FEATURES of that kind of monster are missing from their descriptions, and it leaves me with a lot of questions about what they actually are and what creatures they DO line up with. And I'm fascinated by the possibilities, because it creates a lot of fun options for fan interpretations, like making Archie a similar creature to Sammy to further unite their common threads (like why is Sammy the only character built the way he is??), or developing a new creature altogether. It is also frustrating from a theorizing standpoint because I can't say either of them are lost ones definitively, that's not the canon. They are ink monsters with x features, that is all we know, anything else is putting a label on them without knowing all the ingredients that make them up. I think Brant is probably a lost one, but I can't say that's the canon, that's something I've inferred and interpreted from the information available, which isn't a complete picture.

I want to do more with theorizing, but I think, I just wanna let myself have fun for a bit too, and not care about the canon by my usual high standards. I wanna go be a little indulgent with letting the hallucinations from Fade to Black exist as real creatures, even though there isn't enough evidence to say whether they are or not. I wanna play with the glasses more. I want to overthink about how Wilson may have used the glasses to enter and exit the studio as a possible "in" for Dark Revival. (Frankly Fade to Black has me asking a LOT of questions about Wilson that I want to mess around with.) I want to think about how Memory Joey, and how he might believe Henry and Allison are clones wholeheartedly, but he might have been fed bad information that he believes to be true (I don't think he'd intentionally lie to Audrey, but he is liable to be misinformed, he's a Joey after all). I want to contemplate "what ifs" that don't have to be based on completely factual things. I want hypotheticals. Maybe I just want to write fanfiction! X'''D Isn't that all theorizing is, fanfiction you're trying to validate with the canon? Like hell if I know!

There is a time and place for being anal about the canon I think. Establishing a timeline or a baseline of our factual information is useful and can inform a great deal of things, and it also gives you some room to anticipate where changes might occur if something gets revealed as a new twist or retconned in the future. Maybe that's just me, trying to justify things and make them fit within my view of this world (which let's be real, we all do it, I'm just hard on myself for it). But sometimes, you gotta let go. Sometimes you gotta let yourself be a little silly, maybe a bit unhinged. Sometimes you have to say, fuck it, maybe the hallucination of Henry from FTB becomes Borkis and writes golden ink messages for Cyclebreaker Henry to find. It's out there, it's stupid, but damn is it fun to consider based on nothing at all. Sometimes you get to ask if Keepers have souls for shits and giggles.

Maybe I need to stop framing theorizing as "solving the canon". Maybe we all could stand to have more fun playing with the world. And maybe we could stop calling things "canon" and debating the "canon" and just, enjoy the ride regardless of the canon. Because ultimately, it is frustrating to argue about the canon, especially for a series like Bendy where half the fun is from getting interpretative with it. Part of the fun is creating the story, using your imagination with the pieces the story gives us. And we're not always gonna agree on what kind of story this is or what's valuable about it, nor what direction it should go in or what is the best way to tell it. That's a huge part of enjoying stories, you're not supposed to all get the same takeaway from it. Bendy's story means different things to different people. And that's part of the beauty of it. And maybe, I need to be a little nicer to myself about it. Maybe I need to go learn to play again.

Maybe I need to learn not to take things so seriously. ^^''''

[katyspersonal]

If I had a nickel for every time a person that quite seriously helped with public slandering and humiliating me for fake ass reasons, supported drastically ableist stance on me and took the side of my stalker (that also I remind you bullied other fans for headcanons) then got upset and "insulted" at the fact that I vented about how much they hurt me and my friends, I'd have two nickels, which isn't a lot but what the actual fuck.

Like... Maybe consider not spyoning on a blog of a person that "makes you uncomfy"? You will be happier if you don't check up on things and people you hate, seriously. And if you do, why you act so shocked that I express my pain and disapproval of your actions and mindset, the very same that hurt me and my friends? In fact, why DOES it hurt you to learn what I think and feel after your words and actions? Why do you CARE about feelings and opinion of a person you despise and disrespect so much that you deemed them worthy of all this, and even their friends deserve to be hurt by association? Like... NOW you consider my feelings? Of course I fucking disapprove of backstabbing me and my friends after over month of pretending to forgive me. Of course I fucking disapprove admission that you are willing to help slandering and humiliating a person that you were not even scared and hurt by. I wrongly assumed that if you hated me that much, I must have actually done something wrong, but now I know I still didn't because you admitted that you were willing to harm someone and even shun their friends without even as much as hard feelings, because they are a "heretic"?

Is what hurts that I had very high opinion on you and then flipped on a dime when something drastic came out? But isn't it the same way for you? Didn't you both like my blog and thought I was cool and then one day it was over? I think it is safe to assume that unfortunately it can work like that. And everything can be fixed and worked into neutrality and 'cold peace' coexistence, but you don't want that. You'd rather keep getting upset and self-isolate from everyone that likes my company, or isolate them from me, so this hole just keeps growing and growing and all good things that could have been keep falling into it. Or you really expect me to leave just because of all this? When I was a kid and a teen and a bit of a young adult, I've dealed with bullying to the point of having literal stones thrown into me, and never once I avoided the places where it was happening. Because it made no logical sense that some jerks could decide who belongs or not belongs in a place that is for everyone. I tried to enjoy my time anyway. I was not, listening and enduring all that, but I tried. Sometimes I'd get really bad for me and I'd snap and fight back, and I remember they were scared when I did because anger of cornered rat is a terrifying thing you know? One time it got especially bad with one of them and I snatched the bat from her hands and smacked HER over the face, worse than she hurt me but I've had enough. Then finally adults bothered to get involved, and what I received from the bullies was "but why didn't she just leave this area? :(" Why the question is "why won't you go away?" instead of "why I feel entitled to bully out a person that didn't even do anything bad to me but just makes me uncomfy with not being like us?"

In the end, I walked a full circle. Some autists just have a power of bringing out the worst in people with how much they don't understand unspoken social cues, cultural rifts, even the language and semantics often times. I have a friend with similar problem, he had a bad luck of using combination of words that make people go blind from rage without meaning to, and you find out he actually made a perfect logical sense after talking to him for context and reasoning. I thought it was a curse, but it is a blessing. I decided I will never fix what is "wrong" with me, if it really helped to separate fakers from real ones in such a short time. Without it, I'd be friends with traitors, cowards, bullies, fools, conformists and stalkers. And the worst part, I would not ever learn it.

Yet again: you are NOT harmed by me venting in MY blog about how I was hurt by your words and actions. If you two were okay with slander and public humiliation of someone and their friends, sure you must be okay with someone venting about actual harm. Or else you have double standards. You are not supposed to care about what I think about you either, you are supposed to crawl into your Discord groups to share screenshots of my posts and mock me there for "being so butthurt" like your kind of people always does. And if you do not want me to hold grudges, you've had enough chances to neutralize me. I was not having you blocked for a good reason. But you chose to keep throwing stones. Too bad for you, I've been trained for this shit, when your spoiled soft asses cry harm and trauma over a single slightly negative experience. Heck, over even reading something you don't like!

Here is a thing: I do not namedrop you. I only namedropped two people when it was relevant, and only because they made themselves public first so I didn't "out" them. And if some people read "he reblogged posts bullying me 50 times too often and was too eager to hate on me, like to the point it was scary" and instantly think of you, then consider what reputation you have. Why? Why? Why you'd throw me (and. my. FRIENDS.) to the wolves and then get angry that I react? Tell me why! It is your problem that you are willing to harm people willy-nilly without considering their feelings or bothering to actually learn whether they deserve stalking and bullying and their friends getting collateral damage, and in the end you don't even have the honor to be genuinely mad and scared as your motivation for it. It is """not personal""". So getting unhealthy obsession with helping slandering me was "not personal"? So acting oh-so-supportive towards my friend who got to talk about her identity and then instantly dropping her upon learning she was interacting with me, after previously having been thankful to her for being one of the first to support YOU, was "not personal"? And the worst thing, I believe it. This is just your Tiktok generation of cruel, overly-judgemental people. You did not get to learn about real life and real relationship and real complexities, and you never will. And I was such a fool doubting myself thinking that you were scared of me.

So tell me why. Tell me why NOW you care what I think of you? Why you care that I vent in MY blog, without namedropping? Why you care what I say and feel if I am nothing but a name of "heretic" to block and pass along for you, a person you don't know and don't think has feelings and nuance worthy of considering before mistreating? Why do you CARE about my opinion? Is this because I effects your self-image? But I am just a stupid bigot in your eyes, so how can my opinion have any power or credibility for you? Are you scared that people will find out? But I do not namedrop! Are you upset that "I don't know you" to say such things? But you do not know ME, and yet that didn't stop you from accepting and helping to spread extremely hateful and uncharitable headcanons about my personality, beliefs and motives your friends crafted, so clearly you are okay with "saying things"? Why? TELL ME WHY! Tell me how it is supposed to hurt you, because it does NOT! The worst I can do is to yell at you and run away crying, and I didn't even do THAT!

Unless I just did, because yet again you decided to sneak around and check my blog. Dude, you hate acknowledging my existence to you point of abandoning mutuals that answer my asks, so why would you check my blog? Just don't do that? Just not check it? There were 4 coincidences about your art that made me think that you were snooping on my content, I am helpful with the lore I know, and took some stuff for inspiration, and one time was passively-aggressive about how I drew a certain female character. But I've got a relief that no, they were all coincidences, and you were not stalking me. So now I have to worry about it again? So I should give into my paranoia, because there was a reason in the end?

Just go away, okay? Just go away. The alter that grew from guilt and pain, and admiration, that you've triggered, is dead, anyhow. It was painful and felt like getting the whole entirety erased and written again, but it's done, so you don't have to worry about it either. Just not sneak on a person you dislike, because, again, me venting without namedropping won't effect you, nor you should care what "just another heretic" thinks. I am not a human for people like you, after all your drama-hungry kind does, and stop pretending that I am. My friends aren't either, they are just "traitors" that refuse to cooperate for your group, and I hate every single conformist bastard that blocked them by association. Not you, them. I won't have a gaslighting of "it is not us vs them!!!!" when actions speak louder than words, and all effected people know what they did.

So far I do not have an incentive to stop digging myself deeper into a hole of "wronged intellectual" self-image, which is a bold claim for someone with quite large intellectual disability as myself, I know. But none of this makes any sense, and doubting that maybe I just don't get something about people availed me nothing. I do get it, society IS just as bad as it seems, deny it or not.

[alegacyofmonsters]

Legacies 1x04 Rewatch:

Just seeing all the comic book decor in MG's room makes me so sad that we never got to see him and Landon geek out together

The amount of (lame) TVD cameos in S1 was wild considering they did not keep that energy up

If I had a nickel for every time the Salvatore School made a fake exchange program with Mystic Falls High over a murder, I'd have two nickels which isn't a lot but it's weird that it's happened twice

"Who are you and what did you do with Hope Mikaelson?" Just you wait ...

The blatant use of TVD scenes for the exterior shots of MFHS and they couldn't even match the green filter of Legacies

Lizdon best friendism!!!

"Try not to deliberately alienate the entire student body." "I tried to be her friend when I was five and when I was nine and when I was thirteen." "I'm sorry we couldn't see why you were hurting back then." SCREAMING.

"Would you like to be the Robin to my Batwoman?" "Batwoman doesn't have a Robin." "Metaphor." FOR LESBIANISM.

"I'm working on offensive spells." Maybe we should've known she was blood thirsty from the start

Rosie and Finsie both have a breakfast scene BUT NOT JANDON OR POSIE. WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?

No because how did Josie have Raf so wrapped around her finger and still manage to come up with a fake sob story about Lizzie winning him

Baby Handon, my beloveds

Hope 🤝 Lizzie 🤝 Accusing MG of failing at compulsion

Lizzie being so grossed out by MG's unrelenting advances and him STILL not getting the message. Oh I hate what this rewatch is doing to my best boy.

"Dana is dead." Oh no ... what are we gonna do ...

"I expect you to be with Hope when I do" hits so much harder knowing about 4x06

"You are a horrible liar." "I suck at lying." Okay Lizzie I see you

We were robbed of Cheerleader!Hope, even in an AU

I still need someone to edit "They're a gift from Cheryl" into a Hope Mikaelson x Cheryl Blossom edit

"Relax, Eeyore." Hope, your Lizzie is popping out.

"I don't even like any of you" but we all know who she's best friends with in the Human AU

Jed truly was terrible in the beginning. Like who is that? I don't know him. Bully!Jed isn't real unless you believe in him.

"I'm a feminist." You're a liar is what you are actually.

I really do miss S3 actual feminist MG. Bring him back to me already.

The casual Dana E.D. jokes were ... certainly a choice for a 2019 show ...

The Kaleb x Landon dynamic deserved more

"Years of practice with Lizzie" and we never once get to see it. Like??

"You're dead if you don't submit." I'm sorry but like has a werewolf student ever actually been murdered for not joining the pack? I feel like we would've heard about that.

"It's Sasha." Was Sasha even at the flag football game? How do they know her?

BASES IT OFF OF GREEK LORE. OH THE GREEK GODS SET UP WAS THERE. IT WAS THERE.

"My money's on your boyfriend." "He's not my boyfriend." She just wanted to hear you say it, sweetie.

"Whatever spun this is gonna come back and eat us." We couldn't be that lucky. Imagine how much better the series would have been.

I still ship Connor x Josie. I don't care.

Landon rushing in to save Josie. Oh Jandon serves whether you want to admit it or not.

The S1 Core 6 did not get enough scenes together

THE MOMENT IT ALL CHANGED FOR LIZZIE. OH GOD OH GOD. HOLD ON TIGHT.

THINGS ARE SHIFTING.

"I'm a twin. I don't do anything solo." You just spent the entire episode without Lizzie because being a hero is too much pressure??? You spent the whole last episode apart from her too???? It's only the fourth episode?????

It's almost laughable how much Josie lies. Like every other word out of her mouth is straight up false and she knows it.

Still think Jed x Rafael should have had a thing.

I miss this Handon angst. THIS. THIS IS THE GOOD STUFF. Not the circular conflict they got stuck in later.

"Being a hero is not more important than being safe." This is your suicidal daughter, my dude. She does not care about being safe.

"She thinks she's too good to give you the time of day." Actually it's

"Don't disrespect her like that. We got enough monsters out here as it is. We cannot become one of them." MG YOU DIDN'T DIE THE HERO. YOU LIVED LONG ENOUGH TO BECOME THE VILLAIN. GOD DAMN IT.

Wait a minute. Josie was stuck in a spider web, almost dying, and Landon saved the day instead of Penelope Park making an appearance? Penelope would have never.

"If you threaten my kids, Sheriff, I'll be the one coming for you." No, maybe I get it. Maybe I do still get the attraction.

[quietbluejay]

First Heretic Sample

I decided I'm gonna put up my reaction to this one because I had a lot to say haha and most of it not very positive

you know, if i had a nickel for every time ADB started a WH book talking about a major character as a child becoming a space marine I'd have two nickels note for clarification: i only read part of the Night Lords sample

wooo Monarchia time

okay so, when it happens, Cyrene, who is our POV, is seventeen so just another day like normal then drop pod falls out of the sky and people start chanting and praying also, basically, the Word Bearers set up the city and then, just left zero word from them or contact from the emperor at all

whiiiiich is interesting especially given how the whole great crusade seems to operate in other books which is, they send iterators and others to start setting up the imperium the word bearers really did just leave without a return addresss lmao and i guess no one in the imperium bothered to, you know, take charge of the conquest so was it actually a conquest??? what the heck

they really did just freaking leave with zero follow up i don't know what you call that but it's sure not an empire they got conquered SIXTY ONE YEARS AGO and also, the whole reason the Emperor does this to Monarchia is because it's Lorgar's pride and joy (despite….not actually going back, maybe people somehow sent him pictures????) also i was wrong earlier i think it's a planet itself and not part of his home planet at all six days to evacuate the city. "your planetary leaders will be allowed to send one single distress call" what in the actual ADB I love your writing but this makes no freaking sense as a setup

yeah. all the satellites got shot down guilliman, what the heck also like, bruh, ultramarines, you're killing civilians who are zero threat to you and smashing a church, before the deadline passes

it's not a bad line, but i'm not really sure it fits here

they didn't explain any of it why bother explaining to the rando normals huh not even a "hey the emperor says gods don't exist, that's the imperial truth, you guys are in violation of the no religions edict"

i have enough faith in you ADB to believe this is supposed to be in-universe stupidity rather than the author not thinking things through, but someone or more likely loads of people messed up for things to get to this point or did emperor just go "hey conquer places" to all the primarchs and then just…..never bothered to check in on ANY of them until more than 50 years later "he's a busy man he's got a lot to do!" you can't have it both ways! If it took him this long to notice Lorgar was taking forever and why, then it can't have been that much of an priority in the first place! So the whole Great Crusade took around 200 years, right? So sixty years is more than a quarter of it! And Lorgar has been doing his thing for at least that long if not more considering Monarchia is considered his masterpiece. annnnd

oh hey two months later the word bearers finally hear the distress call time for lorgar's first words in this book!

GUILLIMAN INTERRUPT

guilliman: people don't like me because i'm better than them at stuff yeahhh I don't think that's the issue

lmaooo

argel tal: unfortunately, my fellow captain is very ugly. and also a jerk.

so is this literally gold the same way magnus is literally copper

it's probably just a writing quirk of - actually wait, no, Abnett wrote Know No Fear

actually it's interesting that Magnus and Guilliman aren't held in the same way as Horus, Mortarion, and Lorgar by their legions

in Magnus' case maybe the fact that they're all psykers renders them semi immune to the effect, and for Guilliman maybe it's his tax accountant with road rage personality

also lmao at calling Kor Phaeron's emotions "rancid"

so. apparently. Cyrene is heavily implied to be a temple prostitute. at seventeen. I do not like that.

guilliman: only good at emoting when he's angry my read on Guilliman not emoting is he's trying to not rub things in/call attention to it let's all just act like this is a normal situation also it's easy to see why Lorgar thought Guilliman hated him malcador: we're all grieved to meet like this lorgar: my brother doesn't look too grieved lorgar loses his temper and asks what happened

just following orders, huh, rob do you think guilliman has ever conceptualized the concept of an illegal order and then malc drops the bomb that yeah this was the emperor who ordered it ohhhhh EMPEROR APPEARANCE i think this is the only time i've seen him (in Heresy-era)

this is an idiot plot if you want me to believe these guys have any intelligence like okay if we want lorgar to be so lost in the sauce he completely rejects everything he sees and somehow for more than a hundred years manages to skate by with zero consequences okay, griping about idiocy later getting gripped by emotions now

he made them kneel in front of the Ultramarines in the ashes of Monarchia yeah uh. yeah. That's a humiliation, all right.

oh someone uploaded the whole scene it didn't end there

there are much better ways of dealing with this situation, but expecting the guy who made space marines and primarchs in the first place to use them is probably just an exercise in frustration

konrad: literally skinning people alive the emperor: i sleep lorgar: the emperor is a god the emperor: REAL SHIT?

also after lorgar hits guilliman with his warhammer (heh) the word bearers and ultramarines are aiming at each other so much for it being completely unthinkable for space marines to fight each other, huh (the problem with multiple writers….) Lorgar looked into his father’s unknowable face as the Emperor spoke. ‘You are a general, my son. Not a high priest. You were created for war, for conquest, to reunite the human race under the aegis of truth.’ ‘I–’ ‘No.’ The Emperor closed his eyes, and an image of Monarchia as it had been, bright and glorious, filled Lorgar’s mind. ‘This is worship,’ the Emperor said. ‘This is a poison to truth. You speak of me as a god, and forge worlds that suffer under the one lie that has brought humanity to the edge of extinction time and time again.’ ‘The people are joyous–’ ‘The people are deceived. The people will burn when their faith is proven false.’

did you just, like, give him an army of supersoldiers and auxiliaries, the logistics support for that army, a list of planets to conquer and go "shoo"? and never check in at all???

like i honestly feel like we've moved into the realm of bad writing here

worse than a crime, it was a blunder i think part of the issue was that they had a base timeline of events for the heresy and monarchia was one of them and the writers were supposed to write books around this but like THERE WERE BETTER WAYS TO DO THIS that didn't make all the characters look like blithering idiots adb i am disappoint

I found the description from The Horus Heresy Collected Visions and it makes more sense BUT

here we only see a city which seems mostly okay except for the existence of 17 year old temple prostitute but like it's beautiful, prosperous just devout i realize that "except for" is doing a lot of lifting here but this is 40k, that's basically paradise

like there's no feel of wrongness or anything, it looks like he legit built something functional

I had more to say about the evacuation of Monarchia but that gets into "yelling about books you haven't actually read" which I try not to do so I'll spare you the entire thing. The TLDR is: it's heavy on spectacle/emotion and low on logic. And I took that personally.

[incorrect-hololive]

pLEASE TALK ABOUT RAREPAIRS I WILL BE FIRST INLINE

LMAOOOOOO since we could be here all day with me rambling about my massive list of rarepairs I'll just talk about some of my favorites

SuiTowa - okokok I do admit that I may or may not have originally gotten into this pairing because I just really like Towa and Suisei and did the thing where I put my favorites together but unironically they're really good together?? Streaming-wise they have a lot of great moments and their voices - oh their VOICES together. I lost my mind during their duet at Link Your Wish this year they are actually so GOOD.

Lore-wise they're equally as good? You've got Devil-Who-Is-Actually-Nice Towa and Idol-Human-Who-Is-Actually-Evil Suisei, it's such a funny dynamic. Suisei would find it so entertaining to be friends with a devil and start asking about the most evil things Towa's done and start trying to push all her buttons, meanwhile Towa would just be there like 'this HUMAN is INSANE and I am TIRED when can I go home to hell and eat SNACKS.' Also Suisei absolutely has "I will face God and walk backwards into hell" energy so Towa meanwhile trying to keep her out of trouble for three seconds is kinda endearing??? There's lots of potential for it to get angsty too on TOP of them being a comedic duo so I'm all OVER their dynamic.

(I am throwing these two clips down because I care about them very much)

By extension I will say I also love the StartEnd trio. Just Towa there with her two (2) feral animals Suisei and Aqua who go pew-pew in Apex. Literally that meme featuring that mom with two kids on a leash.

KanaTowa - Whoa ANOTHER Towa pairing I wonder who my bias is hmmmmmm LMAO

I like them for sort of similar reasons to SuiTowa? I got WAY into these two even BEFORE IRyS originally was announced; it's the whole classic angel/demon dynamic except completely inverted when you consider how angelic Towa is and how chaotic/violent Kanata is in comparison. Makes things interesting!

I'm really glad these two are lowkey kind of becoming a real thing? KanaTowa did a bunch of official 3D short videos and streams and collabs together and stuff; they also did that official game collab song (Madoromi. It's SO GOOD and the lyrics LITERALLY match their dynamic so WELL), and then literally formed an official unit together and released an original song together (which I now listen to on a daily basis). So now they're only a rarepair in the sense of there not being a lot of fancontent for them.

They're also just. So cute together...

(Also if I had a nickel every time Towa did a yearning reach-out pose to a blue-themed girl mid-performance then I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot but it's kinda fruity that it happened twice)

KanaMari (Kanata/Marine)

what if I was a PIRATE and I was about to PERISH but was then saved by my GUARDIAN ANGEL and then I feel in love with the guardian angel?????? ahahha jk UNLESS

These two have such banger chemistry with each other, actually! They're so funny together and you can tell they're pretty close and it's really adorable to see. Like look at these clowns

Also, I just think Pirate/Angel is such a funny concept. Marine sailing the seven seas and people are confused as to how she hasn't fallen overboard by mistake but it's all thanks to Kanata protecting her. Bonus points if Marine's all like "Kanata is my normal Houshou Pirate crewmate she is totally human!" meanwhile the rest of the Houshou Pirates are like "senchou just kiss your tenshi girlfriend already"

They are both very cute idiots and I love them

Salted Turkey (Amelia/Reine)

Okay THIS one is an oldie. More than a year ago Ame and Reine did a couple of stream collabs which were really cute!!! Though the real kickers for me were their first interactions; during Ame's first ever birthday stream the only people to do call-ins were Gura, Ina, and Reine, who literally woke up just to see Ame's stream and to tell her happy birthday (in their very first speaking interaction)! And then Ame called Reine's morning voice hot and I lost it right then and there LOL. And then Ame came to her birthday stream a few months later... they're just so sweet together

Lore-wise it's harder to connect them but I see the POTENTIAL. Honestly any pairing with Ame in it will almost always result in juicy dynamics so I'm all ears here. So hey vtuber fandom I know they haven't collabed in months since but can we get more of them actually?

Other pairs I love for some reason and really want to see more of: Lui/Iroha, Suisei/Calli, Flare/Polka, Ina/Calli, Kronii/Ame, Kiara/Mumei, and Ina/Sana. And I'm holding back on a couple more LMAO I'm a bit of a rarepair hell mess 😭

[macabremoons]

📋 and 🖇 for the ask game^^.

📋 Do you consider yourself organized?

Nope lol. I write at most a very barebones outline, but most of my ideas for my WIPS stay in my head. Don't be like me kids, write things down. That being said, I have not found a writing organization system that does not feel annoying to use to the point that I can just... do it on my own or that doesn't feel so out of the way that I could just put it in a google doc. I know a lot of writers use Notion for plot stuff, but personally it feels like every time I'm writing things down in Notion I could just be writing HEWIOHWI

🖇 What subjects or themes recur in your works?

Complicated dynamics. Normally with family but sometimes outside of it. Idk it's juicy

Found family, but I feel like that is a thing most writers have in their stories ngl.

The effects of privilege. If I had a nickel for every time I have used vampirism as an allegory for privilege I'd-- Well I'd only have two nickels for now but give me a few and it'll probably be more than that.

Vampires. Yes this is not like the others, but it is in like nearly all my wips. I turn left vampires; I turn right vampires. Vampires in the walls, the scrolls, the floors, the community board.

Feminist themes. Which is fine, but I almost always end up writing it even if I didn't intend to in the beginning. These hands were made to discuss the struggles of women ig.

Mental health, again pretty common.

[khaleesiofalicante]

Sooooooooooo, guess what?? 😂

Of course I bring you hot gossip on Valentine's Day. I have a reputation!!

Lmao okok. This is long so let's get straight into it;) So, a lot of people today brought flowers, chocolates, etc. My friends and I are not much of that, but Josh gave us cupcakes!! (remember Josh? Idk why all the names seem so confusing even to me if I only have like 4 friends lol. Summing up: Mark: the one with book boyfriend vibes; Josh: cupcakes and generally nice; Andrew: well, you know that one lol; and Sarah: girl with strict parents but so freaking amazing) I am horrible at thinking of names SORRY 😭

Thing is, on our break, I came back to leave some things on my place and then I went with Sarah and another girl to take a little, but just as we were out, this other girl told us she saw someone leave a flower on one of our seats (all of us 5 sit next to each other). I told them we should go and see who was it. I was so fucking sure it would be Andrew's, because we all know a lot of girls like him, and I was ready to annoy him for the rest of the day😂

And guess whose place was it in??? FUCKING MINE!!

Sarah and the other girl just looked at me in shock and before I could stop them, they were looking inside🙂. We looked, and it was a red rose with a letter, with big and beautiful handwriting that just said "Happy February 14th. I hope we get to meet."

....WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING?? WTF???

And chaos unleashed from then on. They immediately went to search for the others and oh my fucking god, they are little shits bc they didn't stop bothering me with it for the rest of the day JDHDJDJKD

And they were so excited to know whose note was it. I was really curious too but I knew it would be impossible to know because we asked and no one saw who left it!! The only thing we knew is that they were two girls!!

They started gushing and smirking and winking at me, and asking who I thought they were and I literally have no fucking clue!!! And as I'm known to have the most weird love life, without actually having a love life, LET ME TELL YOU THEY HAD THOUGHTS!

I pointed out maybe it wasn't even for me, maybe it was for one of them and the person just got confused. But they didn't want to accept my theory:)

Anyway, I blush for almost everything, so you can imagine my face the entire day!! And I also laughed so damn hard. I won't recover from this😭

If I had a nickel everytime I got a red rose anonymously on February 14th, I'd have two nickels, which isn't a lot but it's weird it's happened twice, right? But that's another story!!!

I'm still in shock. Were they a girl? Guy? Do I know them? Was it really for me? Was it for Andrew? Will I ever know????

Anywaaaay, of my favorite convos from today, because my friends had a field trip with this😂:

Sara: Ok, maybe you are right at it was actually for one of them (Andrew or Mark)

Mark: and why the fuck couldn't it be her? She could also be liked!

Sarah: I didn't say that!

....

Andrew: And do you expect it to be a girl or a guy? I mean not that it matters much ;)

...

Everyone: *chanting TeamNoah when we were discussing if it was actually for me*

...

Josh: Not that there's anything wrong with it, but with you it's more difficult because we can't even reduce it to just guys or girls😭

....

Shara: you are officially a heartbreaker. I mean, we can make a list! *Procedes to name every person I have had romantic convos with*

....

Andrew: Damn, I want a secret rose too😔. What are you doing to get yourself into this situations? Because I'll do it too!!

.....

Everyone: awww, you are blushing!

Me: of course I fucking am!!

This fanfic life has gotten our of control and I don't know how it happened!!!

@springlily25 you need to hear this😂😂

Yeah, so consider this a self-writed fanfic for Valentine's Day lmaoo

first of all what are these white-ass names i am judging you

second of all i didn't know andrew was a romeo and had a lot of girlies fangirling over him OKAY THEN

AND OF COURSE IT WAS YOU YOU ARE SO OBLIVIOUS YOU ARE A FANFIC CHARACTER (also your theory further confirms that you are indeed oblivious fangirl on the verge of an idiots to lovers trope)

ASLO A SECRET ADMIRER?? GIVE ME THIS SHIT. YES.

very curious as to who this is and i wanna know everything goddamnit this has become a priority and i shall not rest until you uncover this!!!!!

but whoever left it has fine fucking taste so good for them i guess 😎

happy valentine's day, you gorgeous gorgeous girl.

and why add @springlily25 is this not chaotic enough already???

[vvitchering]

ok ok ok ok real quick episode thoughts before I have to run out the door to work because huh that wasn't....earth shatteringly awful?

Aside from a few absolutely unnecessary shit pieces, this episode actually was the best of the season so far. Which isn't saying a lot considering how laughably bad this season has been, but pacing seems to be back on track and dialogue seemed to have improved somewhat. Feels weird to suddenly get a quality increase this close to the end of the season but sure I'll take it.

The thing with IG.........jump scare. If I had a nickel for every time this season has paraded out IG-11 and got me excited for exactly 5 seconds before delivering the Worst Thing I've Ever Seen I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot but its weird that it happened twice.

Other than that, I'm actually pleased with how tight the pacing was this episode. We made a plan, we followed the plan, we went places, good job. Now if only we'd remembered how to write for the entire rest of this season maybe we'd have a shot at something decent but that ship has sailed lmao

Gideon's return and his use of beskar and armor was actually pretty good imo. I liked that. I wish that had been in a GOOD season so we could have gotten the full effect, but I don't hate that at all. Thanks for consistently being a good villain, Gideon my guy!!! The bastardization of the sacred mandalorian armor kind of feels like full circle from when Din got the imperial stamped beskar in the very beginning of the show. And Gideon being such a despicable figure, especially for Mandalorians, gives his blasphemy of their armor a lot more weight.

I TRULY thought he was going to execute Din in front of them. I have no idea what they're going to do to him in the finale but I am Fear about it :'))))

Bo-Katan continues to be a shit leader, blah blah blah. This is only her [checks notes] 4th time???? I thought maybe they'd actually have her fess up to her involvement in the destruction of Mandalore in the first place but I guess we're still keeping that under wraps to better cultivate her new "sad lonely exiled princess" image. Which sucks. Get wrecked, terrorist barbie.

I'm sad about Paz ): Ragnar ))))):

Armorer is going to be the one this episode's title The Spies is referring to, calling it now. She's been shifty for a while and her conveniently volunteering to go take the survivors to the fleet just as the group is ambushed? Yeah she's working for Gideon. Not sure what her angle is, but I guess we'll see next week.

Overall, pretty decent uptick in quality and it's a shame we had to wait until the end of the goddamn season to get it. Regardless of how good these last two episodes end up being, it won't change how intensely incredibly awful and unfulfilling the rest of s3 has been.

At least dinbo didnt happen right lmao my standards have sunk so low :')))))))

[pangolin-404]

So I finished The Penumbra Podcast (Juno Steel edition) season 3 so here are some thoughts

under cut because it's kind of long

adding in right here right now that Peter and his interactions with Juno annoyed me since season 1 because I'm very much not an enjoyer of this type of romance, where there's no build-up. and because most of their onscreen interaction is them being sappy or intimate I ended up despising Peter whenever he appeared. that's not an in-depth or coherent critique, that's just my preference

I really liked season 2 because Peter wasn't there and Juno was really improving by himself and with new friends. anyways

I was really excited when Juno started reconnecting with Rita! The whole Newtown plot was really interesting and I love Rita I'd kill for her. the whole eye thing was vaguely horrifying and while I want to know what happens to Hyperion City I'm also very glad Juno Packed Up and Left. While I was suspicious about Buddy, I loved Jet from the start. really fond of his monotone demeanor and his weird car child.

Season 3 had to have been my favorite, because it offered a glipse into other perspectives and showed how much everyone grew. except Peter, who's in debt for a mystery reason and never grew close with anyone except Juno, for some reason; and while he seems to know a lot about the other crew, the others don't seem to feel as emotionally close to him. his and Juno's relationship was a bit more tolerable because there was an established year time jump, so it's more understandable why they'd be so close, and why Juno would consider his relationship with Neureyev on par with that with the rest of the crew.

I really like Buddy and Vespa!! at first I found the whole "we are a family now. do not fight this" thing funny but then it got genuinely wholesome as they grew closer. Over time revealing how Buddy's got one leg in the grave, through her necrosis and faulty heart and engine stomach, was very anxiety-inducing, and I began to check the content warnings for death every episode, to prepare myself in case she actually died. If I had a nickel every time I consumed media where a marriage between two women was interrupted by a massive spaceship, I'd have 2 nickels, which isn't a lot but it's weird it happened twice (first time was steven universe)

The goal of Dark Matters interests me because 1) it was very funny seeing Sasha and Juno playing 4d chess with each other, and 2) what the hell are they going to do with the Curemother Prime and the Rube 7? lock them up? like Sasha's obviously twisted from her time in Dark Matters, but she believes she's doing good. the Aurinko Family already had plans with the Curemother Prime, to end the pharmacutical monopoly; I feel it'd be very awkward if Sasha realized Buddy was 100% down for using the Curemother for good. there's a good chance I probably missed this somewhere actually

Juno is just COLLECTING these alien organisms at this point. first the martian thing, and now he had the curemother prime splattered on him. he's definitely absorbing that thing come on

My first theory was that the Ruby 7 was the first self-aware AI but since the last episode that is. definitely not the case. I want to say it's something using the car itself as a shell, partially-fused with the technology? But knowing this podcast it's probably something wildly different

CONCLUSION: please please Juno save all your friends and reunite Jet with his car child please. I don't care if the car is somewhat organic (Jet probably knows this. I'm calling it) and hyperintelligent just let it be part of the family. let Buddy and Vespa retire they're both very tired and deserve to peace out into the sunset hand in lovable hand

aaaand it is at this point in the review I realize that season 4 is out, just not on youtube. I will also listen to that. peace out

[jadejetts]

if i had a nickel for every time i highly enjoyed a 90s cyberpunk movie scored by alan silvestri that had a troubled production, had little faith to the source material, and everyone ended up hating, i'd have two nickels.

which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice!

that being said i'd watched SMB '93 a While back, but i've just watched judge dredd now for the first time and like. BWUH???? WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE??? HOW DID I NOT SEE THIS BEFORE??? I MEAN I KNOW WHY!! I THOUGHT JUDGE DREDD WAS A REFLAVOR OF THE PUNISHER (as someone whos barely seen much of the punisher) NOT A KICKASS SCI-FI WORLD WHADDAHELL!!!!!!! i had Zero clue as to what judge dredd was beforehand apparently. and i guess i still do! because the whole "this isnt faithful" thing gscvklhcvhkl I don't entirely understand why people think stallone's acting's bad, considering the plot of the film- SPOILERS, DECODE WITH ROT13 - qerqq vf n perngvba bs trargvp ratvarrevat, naq vf avtu-rzbgvbayrff sebz gur cebprff- v guvax ur chyyrq gung fgbar-pbyq natre bss ernyyl jryy!! though!! considering im a very big outsider to dredd in general i can understand why people who'd loved the world before this movie wouldn't like it (and i now understand the circumstances of how people like halo 4 and 5) but. Still. movie awesome

[lonelier-version-of-you]

Dominic Copeland

- Why I like them: While he's not always a very good person, he's an interesting character to watch, I think. I love his complexity, and how you can really see why he makes the decisions he does, even if you can't always agree with them. (The one exception being the whole "revenge" storyline earlier this year - him being angry and lashing out at people made sense, but the writing for every character was so inconsistent at that point that his exact actions and who he was angry at seemed to change with no reasonable explanation or context for it. But again, the writing was bad for everyone then - Dom didn't even get the worst of that bad writing, lol, Sahira did.)

- Why I don't: He can be a manipulative little bastard at times.

- Favourite episode: Can't really think of one, there have been a number of good Dom episodes. S17E50 'At First I Was Afraid' has got to be up there though!

- Favourite season: Series 19, probably, for first the Isaac storyline (which was heartbreaking, but very well-done) and then his slow-burn romance with Lofty. Even if it was the series during which he started sporting that terrible mustache. 😂

- Favourite line: "Are you kidding? Even the coma patients know I'm gay!" (Don't remember the episode number or title, but we all have to admit this line is iconic.)

- Favourite outfit: I am really starting to realise how little attention I pay to the Holbyverse men's outfits compared to the women's (Henrik is an exception, I probably pay too much attention to Henrik's outfits lmao) - I don't think I've ever paid close enough attention to any of Dom's outfits for long enough to really consider which one would be my favourite.

- OTP: This is where I have to make an embarrassing admission: part of me is still not over Dofty. I know they completely ruined the relationship and made Lofty an abusive cheater for no reason later on, but their relationship was very sweet at the start, so that's the part I miss.

- BroTP: Same answer as I gave for Zosia: the Dom/Arthur/Zosia friendship. But I also really love Dom's dynamics with Sacha and with Henrik. (If I had a nickel for every depressed Jewish man to take on a surrogate dad role to Dominic Copeland, I'd have two nickels - which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it's happened twice... 😂)

- Headcanon: Hmm. Now that you mention it, I'm not sure if I have any Dom headcanons.

- Unpopular opinion: Can't think of any. Uh, I guess I don't want him and Jeongsoo to get together until he actually apologises to Jeongsoo for plagarising from him. Once he says sorry, sure! But not until then.

- A wish: I dunno. I guess I just want him to have a happy ending and a loving boyfriend.

- An oh-god-please-don't-ever-happen: I'd say things like "getting him back with Lofty" or "bringing Isaac back to torment Dom again", but thankfully I don't think either of those are likely to happen.

"Killing off Carole just to make Dom suffer even more" WOULD have been on the list but it is, unfortunately, happening.

- 5 words to best describe them: Okay, I'm back to being stumped by these, haha. I have to really know a character to be able to think of words to describe them.

- My nickname for them: Technically Dom is a nickname lol. But no, I don't have anything original I call him.

[e11evenkeys]

Pitch: The Adventures of Danger Rabbit- Chapter 2 Friendly Friendly (part 1)

Long story short, my dad wasn't arrested. Ms. Harper made her displeasure quite clear as far as my new form was concerned, but I wasn't taken away. Because of my mistake, dad had a reputation for being a careless father, and I was seen as a delinquent. Teachers started watching our family like we were career criminals, but dad raised me to be a good kid.

Regardless of the truth, I had a reputation that stuck with me as I grew up. Even into my junior year of high school, kids thought I was bad news. It didn't help that I had the worst luck imaginable, unlike Mr. Nickels, who I still had yet to find. Trouble seemed to seek me out. Just the simple act of walking home from school was dangerous enough to warrant fear of chaos. Freak accidents were a norm, and they only fueled the fire when it came to the negative light everyone shined on me. Of course, my dad always had the worst end of the fiascos because he had to deal with the aftermath.

If I had any luck at all, it was spent when I had the fortune of finding my two best friends.

B James was a girl who moved to town after my accident. Her parents were professional magicians, so naturally, I tried to get in good with them. I had hopes of them helping me. It turns out I didn't have to work too hard. BJ was fascinated with my form and impressed with my ability to create my own magic. I told her I didn't mean to transform myself, but I don't think she cared. She wanted to make new spells like her parents, and I suppose she thought I could help her. She overlooked how the rest of the school avoided me, but that might have been easy, considering no one flocked to her lunch table any more than my own. Remember when I said creating new magic was dangerous, well, BJ didn't care. We hadn't even graduated high school yet, but she'd created more spells than a person could count. It's important to keep in mind most of those spells had adverse effects or didn't do what they were meant to, but they did something.

My friend Wesson, a satyr I met in my freshman year of high school, didn't use magic at all. To be fair Fae, because of their natural abilities, didn't need magic as much as humans did. Even I had natural powers after my transformation like super hearing and invisibility. Which I'm sure is how Mr. Nickels managed to avoid capture for so long if he also possessed the same abilities. Wes being a satyr, was super fast and super strong, among other things, whether he appeared to be or not. We became friends after I tried to join the school's Creature club. There weren't many Fae that went to our school, so the club was meant to be a way of letting them all meet one another. Unfortunately, when I tried to join the club, someone pointed out I was born human, and that I was only what I was because I cursed myself. I couldn't join the club. Technically they weren't allowed to exclude anyone, but I thought it best to pick my battles wisely and let it go. Wes, being the best guy in the world, found me the next day and told me he thought the other kids were dicks for not letting me join the club. From that day on, I couldn't remember a time I couldn't fall back on the friendship Wes and I had.

It was two weeks till summer break. All of the ends of the year testing was out of the way, so everyone was waiting for the school year to come to an end. That Friday afternoon, I decided to walk BJ home. Despite my being close to Wes and BJ both, they never seemed to like one another. Every day I'd have to make a conscious decision whether to hang out with BJ, who loved playing magician and getting into trouble, or Wes, who was basically the brother I never had. BJ won that day because Wes had a meeting with the principal.

BJ should have taken the bus home, but I guess that would have been less time she got to work out new magic with me. We took a lot of back roads that day that eventually spit us out into the Dead Woods. It was the town's biggest forest, and it sat in the middle of everything. We learned in history class that old settlers named it the Dead Woods because back in the early days, when people were still coming up with most of the modern magic, they had to go far away from homes and buildings so bad magic wouldn't destroy anything. A lot of people died out there. Despite the bad history, it was a beautiful place as long as you knew where you were going.

"So there's this summer internship I read about," BJ said as we walked under branches while leaves crumbled under our footsteps.

"What kind of internship?" I asked.

We stopped walking so she could take her spell book out of her bag. The pages of her hand made spiral held weight and took time to flip through.

"For magicians. I thought you might want to go for it," she added.

"You want me to be a magician?"

"You created a working transmutation spell when you were 11."

I laughed at her, calling it a "working spell."

"Yea, and I've been trying to undo it ever since," I said with my amused tone still vocal.

"I could help you."

"I don't want to be a magician," I said in my most definitive voice possible.

"But I do."

I took a few steps away. I didn't want to stand too close while her book was out. Some of the stuff in that thing didn't need words to be activated. As she flipped through the pages, there was a danger similar to throwing a grenade into a kid's birthday party. Pages glowed and faded as her hands turned them over. I'm not sure how she managed to carry something around like that without constantly hurting herself.

"Then you should do it," I said as I crossed my arms and leaned against a tree.

She came near, and I knew to expect puppy dog eyes to fluff some kind of catch. That's what people do when they want something

"I need you."

I asked, "why," but she turned away.

"I need your spell," I thought she said, but I couldn't make out her words for sure, and with my big ears, that meant she was really quiet.

"What?" I asked.

"I need your spell."

I stood up straight.

"The spell that gave me fur and left with only eight fingers," I said before I continued with, " the spell that made my feet too big to wear shoes and ears big enough to hear my dad when he gets off at night."

"I have to submit a working spell to be considered."

"Then use one of yours," I said.

"None of mine work."

"What about the one you use to change your hair color?"

"It blinds anyone who sees me cast it."

"Then just use my spell, you don't need me for that, I wrote the words in some book, and I'll give it to you."

I wanted to get off the subject. Anyone who knew me knew how long I tried to find a cure for my curse. After years of turning over stones to no avail, of course, I gave up hope. That's not to say I didn't wish and dream for a way to change back, but being a bit of a pessimist meant I couldn't help but see the uneasy reality of how unlikely a cure was.

"It wouldn't be right to take credit for your work."

"But, it's alright to strong-arm your friend into an internship that'll take up our entire summer?" I didn't mean to sound nearly as argumentative or sarcastic as I must have at that moment, but it came out that way.

"There's a chance we won't even get it," she said, basically pleading with me at that point.

"If I say yes, will you leave me out of whatever experiments you're about to do?"

"But I had something special planned for today."

"That's my price."

"Deal, but you have to stick around to watch."

"In case something goes wrong?"

"I didn't say that."

"You didn't have to," I replied.

We exchanged a mutual grin before she adjusted her glasses and finally flipped around in her book to find the newly crafted spells. We spent most of the afternoon in the woods. BJ wrote a spell for growing plants faster, but it made anything made of wood burst into flames, including all the papers in my backpack. She tried to put out the fires with another spell meant to create rain clouds, but it summoned a swarm of butterflies that flew into the flames. Needless to say, they all died. They died quickly, but at least the fires went out.

By that time, it was getting dark.

"We should get moving," I said as I picked our bags off the ground burnt as they might have been.

"We will never speak of what happened here to anyone, right?"

"Like always," I said with a chuckle before handing BJ her ruined bag.

We started on our way out of the woods.

"Do your parents know you're applying for this internship?" I asked.

"Not yet."

"Don't you think they should know?"

"I'll tell them once I, " she started to say before I cut her off with, "did you hear that?"

"Hear what," she asked.

There was a sound coming from the bushes ahead of us. It was too big to be a cat, dog, or rabbit.

"Stand back," I said as I put my arm in front of BJ.

"Is someone there," I called out into the distance, but no reply was returned.

Only the rustling of the bushes broke the silence as something or someone came near. It was close. There was a momentary pause of nothing but the bugs around us falling silent, and then whatever it was lunged out at me.

It was Wes. He made me fall backward and rip the arm of my button-down shirt.

"Shit," I yelled out.

He tried to catch my arm on my way down, but he was too slow.

"Sorry, dude," Wes said with a laugh as he helped me to my feet.

"What are you doing out here?" BJ asked in a tone more annoyed than me, but I was the one with the ripped shirt.

"I need Pitch."

"Well, he's walking me home from school."

"Schools been out for 3 hours now, and you know how to get home."

"You want me to walk by myself," BJ asked.

"No one ever offers to walk me home, and we're the same age," Wes said sarcastically.

I cut in, "Wes, what did you need my help with?"

"I need your ears," he said.

"Let me get BJ home, and then I'll swing by your place."

Neither of them was even looking at me anymore; they were staring one another down.

"Alright, just make sure 'Bug Burner' isn't with you."

"You saw that!" BJ exclaimed.

"I'll be there, alone," I said as I held BJ back from Wes.

A few uneasy, and unwelcoming glances were exchanged before we took to our separate ways.

"I don't know why you hang out with him," BJ argued.

"Wes is cool," I said.

"Wes is just short of being a toddler. He doesn't use magic."

"I don't use magic."

"That's different; you can't afford it."

"That hurt," I said.

"You know what I mean."

[sols-actual-main-blog]

freckles, skin & spirituality :D

Freckles: Five facts about you

You are asking me to make a decision which are the five coolest facts about me? Just... why.

If I had a nickel for every time I gave the protagonist of my current novel a cool haircut and the proceeded to get it myself about a year later so now it feels like I wrote a glaringly obvious self-insert that makes me uneasy, I'd have two nickels. That's not a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice.

I consider myself a rather mediocre baker, but my cinnamon rolls are apparently so nice everyone always asks me to bring them for their parties and buffets, so I never bothered to learn a second baking recipe. I can bake one (1) thing, but damn, have I perfectioned that!

I once got cussed out by a guy with a seat on the Bundestag for homophobic reasons, what a time to be alive.

I am very distantly related to Romy Schneider (of Sissi fame), but I usually don't bother telling anyone because explaining the family tree takes ages (she's a second cousin of one of my grandparents).

I came out as non-binary to my colleagues from the student union by accident because I couldn't resist a joke, which is the most on-brand thing for me that ever happened.

Skin: Is perfection important to you?

... yeah. I mean, you know my "first draft of a novel where I deliberately didn't strive for perfection", that's the level of perfectionism I can't overcome. Everything I touch has to be perfect, which does wonders for my executive dysfunction... not. I used to think my perfectionism was an asset, but nowadays I'm just annoyed because I can never start anything new because not immediatly being good at it will make my RSD kick in and make me loose interest, or I will procrastinate things until infinity because I am worried I might not be perfect at it. Blargh. Sometimes it would be better if I could just let it go.

Spirituality: Favorite music?

I got into Dark Country a while ago, which is basically the soundtrack to the world's grittiest and saddest western movie. It has all of the plucky country instruments but none of the classic hick-y country themes, it's mostly about murder and revenge and other delightfully dark stuff. It's like regular country's edgy older brother. Sounds great, I could spend days listening to it. If you want to give it a listen, try anything by The Heavy Horses, they are my favourite band from the genre by far :)