#[ doubtful it's been years but holy hell my dudes ]

[rubyclover]

Hear me out. Lucifer obviously has daddy issues (for 2 reasons) and a daddy kink. You can’t change my mind. I doubt he knows the kink exists but it wakes up after seeing Adam handle some rowdy hellborn children with finesse. The King is down bad. Wants nothing more than to lay his head between those pigeon pecs while being scolded and praised. He needs to be told where he succeeded at being a dad. Tell him how to do better. It would relax him so much to finally have some solid direction… and leave him horny.

The First Man was also The First Dad so he has all the tips and tricks after raising a herd full of kids with Eve.

Naturally Adam’s sinner ability is just DAD. The dude literally has a Dad Mode he snaps into. He looks 100% human; no horns or wings etc, just straight up disgruntled, plump, human rocker dad. The kind that teaches their kids swear words at age 2 to weaponize them and will fight the bully’s parents on no evidence. ‘These hands are rated E for Everyone! My snot nosed little rug rat said so!’

Imagine Adam arguing with Alastor when suddenly, without turning away from the roadkill eating prick, he screams-

Adam: ‘ANGEL DUST YOU TAKE THAT BACK OUT RIGHT NOW!!!’

*Angel Dust taking his bag full of drugs back out from the toilet’s water tank 2 floors up:* Holy shit how does he know?! I wasn’t doin’ nothin’!

*Adam now looking directly up at Angel Dust:* I have eyes everywhere (he does not) and can smell the disappointment from here (he can not). Fucking trash that shit or give it to the plants. I don't care which one but you're doing it NOW or so help me GOD I'll do it FOR you!

Half pint is just sitting on the couch trying not to pop a boner because his imagination is running wild. And it’s not even the vanilla daddy kink. It’s more like DILF kink mixed with daddy kink. It’s Adam’s surprising competency in an area that Lucifer struggles that gets him. He’s not looking to call Adam Daddy or anything.

How can Adam be such a cool Pa without flashy techniques? Able to pull trivia for getting food stains out of difficult fabric with random ingredients from the wild, how to tell when your kid has a crush years before they realize, know when to comfort teenagers and when to let them come to you, how to catch your kid in a lie? Magical!

Things like that.

Ok so yeah he wants to be called a good boy for trying to parent when everyone tells him he’s shit. Is that so much to ask? But Lucifer has competition from several powerful people in Hell because hello? The original DILF is in Hell now and he looks human. Nobody else looks close to that and rarity is scarcity in a depraved marketplace like Hell.

The problem is Dad Mode isn't a defensive or offensive ability. DM functions like the old fairytales surrounding parents supposedly having supernatural abilities. So Adam will just know things, appear suddenly when you're plotting mischief, vaguely see from the back of his head, cook food with mild physical and emotional healing properties and such. DM is funny but ultimately anyone can gank him.

So obviously the Big Bad King of Hell will have to watch over Adam so that no funny business happens. The new Sinner is practically defenseless. Exactly how Lucifer likes him because it's like Eden again. So Adam is living in The King's end of the wing, in his tower, and is rarely out of his sight.

Just low key daddy/dilf kink for Lucifer and Adam doing it for him.

[Note: Cain still killed Able but the majority of Adam and Eve’s time on Earth wasn’t as horrific as it could have been. The husband and wife mostly dealt with illnesses, ugly human emotions, sabotage, the wildlife and famine. Sin got worse after Adam's kids died because the angels stopped closely working with humanity. So while there is pain between Lucifer and Adam this version got lucky.]

[malereadermaniac]

Go to bed ~ Leon Kuwata x Male Reader

Leon trying to flirt word count: 650 m!reader (no genitalia mentioned) / FDNI

It was early in the evening, 9pm sharp

You'd been scrolling mindlessly on tiktok for the past hour

You come across a video you felt you just needed to share, so you post it on your Insta story

Hoping you can making your friends giggle at it

Of course, Sayaka replies to it, and the two of you spiral into a conversation

But halfway through your convo with Sayaka, you get a message from none other than Leon

You and Leon were good friends, you liked the red-head, you went to hid games and cheered him on louder than anyone else

He fucking loved it when he heard your voice in the crowd

Leon had recently realised he had the fattest crush on you, so he did what any reasonable person would do and asked a friend for help

However, that friend he asked was Mondo.

Who encouraged Leon to talk to you as much as he could and to try exert dominance

"Cause a guy like (y/n) would totally love a dominant typa guy ya know?" - verbatim Mondo's advice to Leon

You end your conversation with Sayaka and go check what Leon sent you

It was a short reply to your story

"Go to bed, it's late"

You audibly chuckled, you looked at the time on your phone

It was barely 9:30

What the hell was Leon on to be going to bed so early?

"Bro it's 9:30 it's so early wdym???"

"This is actually late for me, I go to bed at 9 pm, its much better for you yk"

"Oh really now?"

"Yeah, clearly why I'm so much healthier and better than you"

Oh no...

Leon clearly misunderstood the kind of dominance Mondo meant.

....

....

"(Y/n)? You still there?"

You left him on seen again and then shut off your phone

"Oi (y/n)!"

"Shit please dont ignore me."

"I'm sorry okay"

"(Y/nnnnn)"

Leon was panicking, spam texting you as you put your phone on silent and went to bed

Guess he achieved his goal of getting you to go to bed

But he pissed you off while doing so

Truthfully you didn't care, Leon was ditzy from time to time and didn't think before he spoke

You were used to it

But you took up the opportunity to make the man frantic

You weren't thick, you knew the baseball player was crushing on you

And you were crushing on him too, hard

So knowing that Leon was now worrying that he messed up his chances with you gave you a sick pleasure - you didn't care if it was just the tiniest bit toxic

The next morning you woke up well rested

Your phone now plastered with message notifications from a certain ginger

You open them and send one quick message

"Oops I fell asleep sorry... Guess you are better than me for that haha ❤️"

Leon stopped in his tracks when he read that message, toothpaste falling out of his mouth as he froze

The sportsman quickly finished brushing his teeth and screenshot the message

Sending it to Mondo, frantically messaging him

"WHAT DOES THE HEART MEAN OMFG WHAT???"

"AHHHHH"

"HFHFJFHSJDNDN"

"Dude chill.... he defo fucks with u" mondo replies half asleep

Leon short-circuits, mindlessly changing as thoughts of a relationship with you fly through his head

He was like a schoolgirl, but he had reason to, in his eyes you were the finest of men

"Good morning~" you say with a smile as you sit down next to the muscular man

"Hey, beautiful~" he mumbles flirtily

"Oh? That's a new one?"

"Yeahhh figured I should up my game if I wanna get with you by the end of the year"

Holy shit you were shocked just how much that one heart emoji riled the ginger up

"Hold your horses, BallBoy... who said I was getting with you?" You tease him

"Oh just you wait, (n/n)..."

Short but eh whatevs!!

This has happened to me before - I doubt he meant it as anything but I just remember the situation while writing this and wtaf...

Anyway hope u enjoyed!

[1427]

When the Levee Breaks (pt. 2)

Daryl Dixon x OFC

The one in which a stripper that used to know Merle and Daryl shows up at the Atlanta camp. Daryl’s feelings are complicated but mostly he hates her. Right?

Chapt. Setting: preTWD (3 years before the first chapter), some strip club in podunk Georgia

Chapt. Warnings: degrading and sexist language, preTWD Daryl, implied/referenced drugs/drug use, strip club?, sexual themes

Word count: 1900

masterlist

A/N; Daryl’s POV story. Sorry ‘bout it. 🤷🏼‍♀️ 17+ mdni

I don’t know why I believe Merle when he tells me we’ll only be here 10 minutes. “In and out, little brother. You know we got things to do.” He says it like I’m the one that’s gonna wanna stay longer. I roll my eyes but don’t say anything. And get out of my truck that I let him fuckin’ drive. Whatever. 

Lighting another cigarette, and kickin’ my feet, I start walkin’ toward the building. 10 minutes, huh? 10 minutes is 10 minutes too fuckin’ long at this shitty titty. Don’t even believe that Merle believes we’ll only be here 10 minutes. 

I  hate places like this, but especially fuckin’ this one. Nuzzled right smack fuck next to the only highway in the middle of the fuckin boonies. And it wasn’t like it was the only strip club around neither. Real classy joint not even a mile away, can’t even smoke in that one. Maybe that’s why I never been. 

This place? It ain’t even a strip club really. Just a dive bar with a little fuckin’ stage on one wall and some booths in the back. All of it looking like it was held together by strings of Christmas lights. Yeah. Really. 

I don’t know personally, but Merle said the lap-dance booths are old fuckin’ church pews. Talk about getting on your knees and praying, right? Naw, the place we’re walkin’ into has a reputation, even for us, it’s a real dive. A real fuckin hole on the wall. 

I walk in and Merle’s already sittin’ down at the bar. No bouncer, never is. Not at this fuckin’ place. 

Merle says he’s gotta meet up with some guy he’s never met before for his ice. I hate doin’ this shit. But this is what we’re doin’, where we’re at. 

Some tough guy named Beatle, that’s who I thought we were meetin’. Hell, maybe Merle did too. But as I take my seat I hear it in a girls voice, right fuckin’ behind me. “Hey, I’m Beatle.” Too happy, way too fuckin’ happy for this fuckin’ place. But, I guess, not hard to be happy when you’re all junked up on spazz shit. 

Tsch. I already know exactly how this shit’s gonna go. “Well, holy hell didn’t know we was meetin’ a lady!” Merle swings around and damn near breaks his neck gettin’ a look at this girl. “And a damn pretty one at that.”

I don’t look behind me to check, but I truly fuckin’ doubt it. Merle’s blowin’ smoke or he’s already fuckin’ high. No girl that works here is actually pretty. Not even hot. Not even fuckin’ fuckable. Usually, not even for Merle. I zone ‘em out but soon she’s takin’ him back to the booth’s and I catch a glimpse of her right before they disappear behind the curtain. 

Only saw her for a second but long enough to know she actually wasn’t bad lookin’. And young. Way too young and pretty to be here, that’s for damn sure. Made me feel more sick about the whole thing. Not that I felt sorry for her or nothin’. Just some dumb little girl too stupid to not do shit like this.

Whatever. The bartender asks me what I’m drinking. Whiskey. Like usual. The bartenders a chick too. Any of these dudes feel like roughin’ up any of these girls and they can. Nah, no bouncer, no male bartender, not even a fuckin’ shotgun above the bar just to let ‘em know. 

Fuck this fuckin’ place. 

After a minute Merle and fuckin’ ‘Beatle’? Tsch, what the fuck ever.  - come barreling out of the booths. Laughin’. Merle’s arm around her naked waist like they’re on their fuckin’ honeymoon. 

In this kinda place you don’t have to go to the back to do a little drug deal. Hell, seen ‘em happen right on the bar. She probably just wanted the extra 15 dollars she gets when she takes some loser back there.

I stand up, we’re done here. Merle got his stuff. I finish my drink, and I’m ready to leave. Feeling the disgusting damp air soakin’ through my clothes. But Merle and Beatle sit down and order shots. 

10 fuckin’ minutes, huh? 

They’re talkin’ business. Well, Merle’s trying to and this girl just won’t shut the fuck up. “Yeah, yeah. I can hook you up sometimes, just gotta go down to the city. My guy gets weird when I try to get bigger amounts so if you’re going to want it a lot, stay wanting it a lot.” Jesus, does she think she’s making sense? Maybe she is. Damnit. Can’t fuckin’ concentrate with the speaker right next to me. Or maybe it’s just the pitch of her fucking voice. It’s makin’ my head hurt. 

 She’s talkin’ - some story about her guy being so paranoid he cut up all the wires in his walls. Stupid fuckin’ bitch needs a new guy, doesn’t even care she’s putting herself in danger. Why would she? She works fuckin’ here. Don’t care about how much danger she’s in or isn’t in… but hearing about it? I finally cut in to their ‘conversation’, “You think a man half losin’ his mind is funny?” 

“Yeah, kinda. Not my fault he can’t handle his shit.” She says it back like she ain’t even phased. Like she don’t even understand ‘m talkin’ about her own well-being. Like her own safety wasn’t even a fuckin’ consideration. Dumb fuckin’ bitch. 

I shake my head at her and pull out another cigarette. Smokin’ one after another. You gotta in a place like this.  She whispers to Merle “Who’s that?” Wow, her voice does get quieter. I shake my head and laugh to myself. 

Merle had been too invested in his new prize to even introduce me. “Oh, that’s my little brother, Daryl!” His voice hoarse and jovial. I brace for it, Merle pulling me half off my barstool. Squishing my face in his hand like I’m some fuckin’ little kid. I go to push him off but she says, “He‘s cute.” And I open my eyes to see her happy fuckin’ face. All glittery and done up and stupid. She really was pretty. Real fuckin shame. 

Merle huffs and I’m pushed back in my seat.  Never likin’ the attention on anyone but him. “He ain’t nothin’. Doesn’t know how to treat a lady.” 

Like I’d want ‘er. 

This goes on for another 20 fuckin’ minutes until Merle gets up to go to the bathroom. ‘Beatle’ immediately takes his seat, getting all personal with me like she’d been with Merle. Too close. Without asking if she could even sit there. Just fuckin’ assuming any dude would want her. And her voice grates again, closer this time. “Hi, I’m Beatle.” Christ, I bet she ain’t even got two brain cells left. 

I laugh at her, “Yeah, got that.” Shaking my head, blowing out smoke, not looking at her as I try not to laugh harder. 

“Right…” she says, sighing. She’s lookin’ down at her hands all awkwardly. As if I just put her down. Scolded her. Actin’ like a nervous fuckin’ dog all of a sudden. 

She plays with her fingers, chews on her lip, looking all around the room ‘cept at me. It was like a fuckin’ display of awkwardness. Fake as shit. Just pretendin’ to be uncomfortable. 

Her eyes finally land at her drink, which she happily fuckin’ takes and starts chugging it. Like a good drunk bitch would. And I watch. As she leans back to grab her glass, exposing her bare chest, her bikini top sort of pushed on haphazardly over her breasts. Like she’d just ripped it down and didn’t mess with it at all, just made sure her nipples were covered. I start wondering what color her nipples are when she yells out, like everyone wants to fuckin’ hear her, “Shit! It’s my turn!” 

Her hooker heels clopping to the stage. So fuckin’ unattractive. Just when the whiskey was starting to let me enjoy somethin’ about ‘er. 

Don’t have to wait long to find out what color her nipples are. Just one song. 3 minutes and 55 seconds. The fact that she dances to Zeppelin just makes me hate her more. Typical, but not bad or nothin’. Not annoying like what I’d figured a stripper named fuckin’ Beatle would dance to. Fuckin’ shame she was. 

I’m almost enjoyin’ watchin’ her, from the mirror on the back wall that faced the stage, until Merle walks outta the bathroom. Until Merle sees Beatle on stage. 

Already knowin’ exactly how this shit is gonna go. 

I put my head down right before Merle’s hootin’ and hollerin’ like he’s lookin at the virgin fuckin’ birth. Arms all outstretched like he’s welcoming the baby fuckin’ Jesus. And shit if that didn’t actually make me laugh. 

Lookin’ back in the mirror I see Beatle and remember she’s only dancin’ ten feet to my left. And maybe I can’t help myself because I look over.  

Beatle on her knees. One hand in her hair and the other on the pole between her legs, her hips rolling over and over like she’s riding a fuckin’ dick. Can’t take my eyes off ‘er at first. Eyes closed, mouth half open - taking her hand out of her hair to bring her thumb to her teeth. Biting on it as she rolls her head down. And she opens her eyes and looks right at me. 

I turn around and light another smoke.  Trying to pretend that I didn’t fuckin’ see that. That whatever the fuck she was doing on that stage wasn’t as intimate as it fuckin’ was. Even for a strip club, it felt like too much. Even before she looked at me. Showing people too damn much of herself. I bet that’s exactly what she looks when she rides a cock. 

Not mine. Nah, I’d have her face contortin’ somethin’ different. Tsch. 

Merle comes back to his seat when Beatle walks off stage. Both of ‘em coming down to bring the party back right where it didn’t belong. 

Beatle’s voice only gets more annoying and it’s giving me a damn headache. No patience left in me I pull on Merle “Thought you said we have shit to do.” 

“Plans change, little brother.” 

“Not mine. I don’t wanna be here.” 

“Aw, but Beatle likes you. Don’t ya, Beatle?” Her eyes lighting up like it’s fuckin’ Christmas. 

“Yeah, Daryl, come on! Stay! We’re havin’ fun!” Walking over and throwing her arms around me like she’s never had someone tell her no in her whole damn life. 

“Naw, I’m goin.” Standing up, shoving her off me. And she gives me that look again. Like a beat fuckin’ puppy. Whispering sorry under her hand like she actually feels bad or somethin’. 

I tell Merle to hurry up before throwin’ some cash on the bar and getting the fuck out of there. Waitin’ for Merle in the parkin’ lot. More pissed off than when we got here. Like I knew I was gonna be. 

Merle stumbles out a coupl’a minutes later, “Damn, what you have to go and do that for? Actually hurt her damn feelings.”

“She don’t got ‘em, Merle. She’s tweaked out of her head. She’s fuckin’ fine.” Sayin’ it harsher than I mean to. Always fuckin’ do. 

But I’m right, ain’t I? Frying her fuckin’ neurons on anything she can get don’t she? “Dopamine Barbie doesn’t need feel good shit from me.” 

She don’t matter anyway. Just some stripper bitch Merle was gonna be obsessed with. Cuz she sold him some drugs and she’s got a nice rack that she’s willing to show him for some ones. 

I tell Merle next time I’m not comin’ with.

pt 3 

[unknownarmageddon]

Tell me your story when you discovered you were trans if you don't mind

oh hell fucking yeah i’ve been waiting for this question

okay story time

basically when i was way young i played an online game called animal jam play wild right

and like. i’d make all my avatars without eyelashes or flower crowns or pinks. “girly things”. and i also always roleplayed male characters, and my username was based off a male book character. which all made everyone i ever really met assume i was a guy.

so i just got referred to as a dude ALL the time like. constantly. that’s just what people assumed i was. and i even, as this kept happening, thought that if i called myself a girl online and was called one online it wouldn’t feel right. like i have vivid memories of saying to myself “if someone called me she online that’d feel weird” because i had been introduced to the notion of regularly being called a dude by people. i had NO idea what this meant and didn’t look into it at all it was just like. that’s that LMAO

i guess it was because like. on animal jam i really got to experience being more of myself??? i guess??? like in terms of expression. cause i made all these fun avatars that i loved and felt so connected to and that people referred to me as a guy because of. that was my first real experience with something like that, being called something other than she because of something i controlled. or something

and kinda as time went on and as i learned a bit more about the lgbtq community and saw other people doing it i decided to make a like. painting thing that stated my pronouns

so for a really good while i went by he/they pronouns on animal jam. never even questioned it. never considered it meant something. i never even called myself trans, never even called myself a guy. because i hadn’t had that realization yet. but that’s just what felt right to me

and even when i decided to go by those pronouns i had this whole thing where i was worried i would be like. lying about my gender???? which is WILD to me now. like i was like “if i went by he would i be lying about my gender?” because i didn’t really. know anything

and i also have this like. faint memory of one of my aj friends asking me what the pronouns change was about cause i had told them prior that i was girl. (which i only did because i thought it was funny seeing people get shocked by that, not because i actually thought i was. idk it was complicated) and i remember preparing the response of “im trans” but i crashed and they left before i ever got to say that. so i guess that was the first ever acknowledgment of being trans. BUT i never actually identified as trans for a good while

while i was playing animal jam and using those pronouns i was also watching a lot of squaishy quack’s videos. and i heard them talk about using they/them pronouns, and being genderfluid. that was the first real introduction i got to titles, words, for something like i might’ve had going on. and since i didn’t really have a grasp on what specifically was going on with me i thought “oh maybe that’s me.” so for a while i identified as genderfluid. but it felt like. forced. like i was trying to make myself that. so then i switched to nonbinary. because for some reason i never considered that it’d be as simple as trans. so i went with nonbinary for a WHILE but it still didn’t feel right. they/them didn’t feel right

so. last year. i was in the car with my father and i was watching the rain go down the window and i just had this batshit epiphany out of basically nowhere like. “holy shit. i’m trans. i’m a guy” like i was finally putting two and two together

and that’s. basically it CACKLES (there was a lot more thought than that but. essentially. that’s what it was)

and. yeah. it’s been that since

if i hadn’t played animal jam i doubt i would’ve realized by now

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

Trimax Thoughts Vol. 12 Pt. 1

Stream of consciousness thoughts. There are only three volumes left and I am scared. :)

There's NINE CHAPTERS??? HUH? Ok I'm breaking this up then. I'll do half here and half on another post.

Livio on the front cover. My good lad. :) I can't believe how much I like him; it took me no time at all.

So Chronica has already faced "many fused entities". What is happening on Earth??? There's so many questions I have about the Plants there. In the interim though, I'll just say Domina is so cute.

Depression. :(

The Fall. July. Fifth Moon. That bitter expression. And then he looks up and thinks of all the people he knows. Because that's what it's always been about, hasn't it? Friends, allies, and enemies alike. AUGH

Sorry Milly's so cute here and I needed a screenshot. <3

OH GOD. WHY. WHY. I turn the page to that. Wolfwood's grave given the same page space as Rem. Are you for real here. His grave too, like not even his face. The past he tries so desperately to keep alive and the future he was forced to bury. FUCK OFF. STOP. What the hell. I can't do this man.

Oh this goes so hard.

Chronica and Domina's dynamic is super cute... but it makes me wonder what kind of crap Chronica has had to deal with to make her resort to such a strong offensive so quickly. I doubt the dependent Plants are going to like that at all.

KNIVES TELEPORTED? WHAT.

So, is Domina another Independent? Her hair is darker but not black... for some reason I thought Independents were all blond hehe

Knives why are you giving Domina visions.

AUGH WTF WTF! Ok up until now I was chill about the body horror but HOLY SHIT. DOMINA NOOOOO (she's fine, right? she'll be fine???)

So. Vash's bullets are cool. From what I understand they're cancelling things out? So did he sever the thread binding Domina...? Does that mean she's ok...?

His hair looks even darker...

"You're a hard man to understand." <- What a thing to think about your own brother. Your twin, no less. They've grown so far apart.

Knives is apparently really powerful for an Independent. But we know Vash is even more powerful than that. Really kind of. Terrifying.

"I know... that you've just decided to kill me." This plus the image of them as kids is a fucking gut punch.

...covering your own face this time, are you Knives?

Vash choosing to face Knives as a "simple gunman" instead of as an all-powerful being. Just hits hard.

They spent 80 years together after the Big Fall??? WHAT? They still look so baby though...

"I knew I couldn't leave him. It was that thought that made me keep him at arm's length." "Even though I saved you?" "You only fell for their lies because you're so gullible." <-YIKES.

I hate it. I hate it. He looks so baby. He's a traumatized kid and panels like this are a slap in the face.

He cut off his arm and then just left him chained up??? KNIVES WHAT THE HELL DUDE.

"We don't belong in the future of this planet." VASH NO.

THIS IS. A WHOLE LOT. Be back later.

[miloucomehome]

VIVANT EPISODE 7 THOUGHTS

(protip: never read the official episode titles from TB/S on T/Ver. Episode 7's could be considered a spoiler)

Wow. And wowowwow...

Pictured: Me finding yet more details I missed during the first two watchthroughs

Pictured 2: My reaction when I notice something brought up in this week's episode actually makes a statement/profile we saw a number of episodes ago look really suspicious.

First: Holy shit what the hell?! WHAT THE HELL NOGI?!

Second:

Kohinata, you're not off the hook! I don't remember which episode Kohinata's Nagano gets interrogated, but if I recall...didn't we learn that he was former JSDF? Isn't that what made him a prime suspect to Nozaki and Public Security? I kind of remember him saying how he left the forces...but wasn't he active in the 80s? We learned this week that Balka fell into civil war in 1983 and that Nogi Suguru (Nogi's dad) is reported dead in 1984 when he ends up dragged into the factional conflict. He did have a reaction when Nogi name-dropped Zayir/Zahir and Nogi F did go right up to his face and sniff him, stating he literally smelled "off"/suspicious.

(Kohinata always plays sus characters. I don't mind if in the end, it turns out he's just an old dude who wanted to hang out with a younger woman because his marriage is on the rocks, but MIU404, MOZU and even S1 of Emergency Interrogation Room set me up for years of doubt XDDD.)

Shinjo (gone from sus to maybe sus idk) brought up good points: why didn't Suguru communicate with Public Security in the 80s to tell them he was alive. I wonder if a flashback episode is around the corner...the late 70s to 80s seem like they might be really important. If Nozaki is in his 50s, then any older character we've seen could potentially be important a future flashback episode. If there's one planned.

Nozaki Mamoru = Canon gay lead? IN PRIMETIME JP SUNDAY NIGHT TV?!

(I'll take it. Even if they forget about it or reverse course)

One of the only pieces of good news in this episode--writers confirming, as much as jdrama will allow them to outside of a BL drama, that Nozaki is gay. Not only that but he had loved another man: Liu Mingxuan. (And that it seems like Liu liked him first before he noticed or wanted to commit but did? Maybe he was closeted back then and worried it could be used against him?)

Nozaki: Well, in your position, it's not like you can have a normal love life, can you? (pause) Nogi: Nozaki-san...? Nozaki: Yeah? Nogi: Could it be that you... Nozaki: (laughs) I'm sorry. I can't help but look [at you]. Nozaki: You look just like him. Nogi: I do? Nozaki: It's like I'm looking at the junior who I lovedーLiu Mingxuen. He was a colleague of mine when I worked as a liaison at the embassy in Beijing. Nogi: And I look like him? Nozaki: Yeah. But he's not in this world anymore...

I did find this part oddly curious? worrying?:

Nozaki: He worked so hard for me. He was serious and tried so hard to get me to like him. But because of that... (smile fades) I ended up going over the line during the interrogation <-- this part Nogi: So then...that's when...? Nozaki: If I had actually paid a little bit more attention to him, he wouldn't be dead. That, for me, is my one failure.

The part I "highlighted", the "I ended up going over the line during the interrogation" (other TLs welcome!) part, has me wondering...what happened. And when. He's jovial and charismatic, but Nozaki still is a state intelligence officer. What could've happened?

I'll also headcanon that Nozaki sharing his story about his last lover and how Nogi resembles him, is a roundabout way of confirming Nogi's question was maybe "Could it be that...you like me?".😇🙏

I don't watch BL dramas (because I simply don't know which ones are?), but I've seen the odd drama or two with vaguely-gay-but-we-won't-say characters (with some exceptions: Nigehaji, for example has three). The fact that so far Nozaki is older, has been in love, exudes life experience, and has a different personality and energy from the usual gay characters I've seen in jdrama, is something. He also cares. He's competent at his job. He comes off as really cool, too.

Also his wink is dangerous. I take 500,000+ pts in damage each time (thank you.).

I'm very inclined to believe that despite the increased frostiness and visible gradual distancing in their friendship (see: the last two episodes T_T)), Nozaki was being honest. I also would like to believe that Nogi's line to him later was somewhat reciprocal?

(I know we love to see Nozaki be all close to Nogi, but I'm actually also really enjoying the frostiness of their relationship and how they're both trying to maintain façades more than ever with each other--Nogi as he tries to deceive Nozaki more and Nozaki as he tries to act as he always has despite the very significant information he's been learning about Nogi's true identity)

But as much as I'm inclined to believe his story, jdramas have the ability to betray and I'm steeling myself ahaha.

Nogi's cryptic message to Nozaki on the plane

I totally misread this scene at first as an "end of relationship" moment...but I later felt it was a compliment...then a potential coded message? Jdrama detectives on twitter think it may have been purposefully cryptic/metaphorical as a message to Nozaki, even planting a kind of signal to him--"if something goes wrong, watch for my signals" or something. (Among so many other possibilities)

But it also felt...affectionate? Nogi gently placing his hand on top of Nozaki's and gently clasping(?) it before talking to him felt genuinely kind. The slow letting go of his hand felt, sad almost?

The first idiom used is apparently quite old (1800s) and together with the second half reads:

あなたは鶏群の一鶴、眼光紙背に徹す

(For the sake of keeping it cryptic and rare-sounding, following the proposed definitions in the dictionary):

"You are a great figure among men; one who is able to read between the lines"

Literally (extra deep?):

You are a singular crane among a flock of ducklings chickens, able to read between the lines

Given how later the tracker Nogi removed and placed in some kind of signal blocking pouch, is reactivated and leads Nozaki, Chenggis and his officers to the site with the unconscious/dead Vostania members...Nozaki notices the "calling card" left by Nogi too before he receives a message that really catches his attention. I wonder if in that moment Nozaki's ability to "read between the lines" and grasp at the deeper meaning behind the evidence he finds kicks in.

I also feel like Nogi F realizes that he can trust Nozaki? Or at least that he believes he's exceptional and intelligent?

(I also believe that Nogi F was the one talking to Nozaki during that scene. Sorry Yuusuke! XD)

Now...my most recent "AFHDSKJHFSD AAAH" and "HMM 🤔🤔🤔🤔" discovery--

6 BEPPAN BODYCAMS BUT ONLY 5 ARE NAMED ON THE SCREEN IN THE CONTROL ROOM!!!

The most recent find--

The members of Beppan chosen for the Vostania-Tent meetup interception mission that were all gunned down by Nogi all had their bodycams named...except for Nogi's. That's such a strange thing to overlook.

Not only that, but weren't they all wearing bulletproof vests? Were the bullets in Nokor's gun for piercing bulletproof vests? I don't think the 6 willingly would go into danger without their vests...

COPIUM: Nogi and the Commander are in on it. This is their operation. Nogi didn't betray Beppan. Commander Sakurai's reaction may have been because of Nogi's methods and/or who was shot. If any of the 4 survived, it'll be interesting to find out what they think... (I think that...maybe each group in this series will have traitors of different kinds in their midst? Or maybe we learn about other members of Public Security, Beppan or Tent that neither of the revealed agents of either group are aware of?)

EDIT: THIS GUY LIVES! (credit to the fans in the VIVANT thoughts tag on Twitter) In the "Next Arc" trailer when ep 3 ended, they show Kumagai's actor, Nishiyama Jun, in hospital robes:

Now I'm extra curious. If the others are dead and only Kumagai and Kurosu live (please live), then maybe the Commander and Nogi suspected someone among them was a mole?

Sam is also in that trailer (earlier video?) maybe that wasn't him in episode 5 hahahahaha (denial)

H*rry P*tter -- Nozaki the geek

I made another post about this, but the HP reference and DVD set drop is actually likely really important, I think. I really do believe it's to find a subtle way to keep Drum by Jamine's side and keep watch over her (whether for Public Security or because his intuition is going wild and he's worried for her safety) The post is here and in summary, my realization is that his words to Drum as they leave Jamine's hospital room has me thinking he's setting Drum up to keep near-continuous watch of her later on!

Nozaki : Alright then Drum, let's go grab a bite to eat. Drum: 😄😄😄!!! Nozaki : See you, Nogi Nogi: (nods, smiling) Nozaki (as he leaves Jamine's hospital room with Drum): Oh yeah, that's right, there's no Mongolian [version]— Make sure you translate it properly for her [while she watches], alright?

Also, for real though, I'd like to believe that during happier times for everyone in that franchise's boom, Nozaki was definitely a fan and did the midnight lineups and dressed up with his buddies (or relatives?) for the movies and books. If he's not using a ruse, my headcanon is that he's been able to enjoy life in some ways and indulge in some hobbies.

(Also: If I were to romanize スネイプ社, it'd be using Mongolian Cyrillic romanization. "Snape Co." is too awkward lol and from what small research into Mongolian I've done, "sna" will not produce the same sound as it does in English. Maybe Snép? Snaype? Snaïp?? Snêip??? Snayipp??)

Is this is a hint that he's going to act as a double spy...?

I'm excited and scared to see how Nokor and Nogi will face off. Nino's delivery of the line "Hey there, brother of mine" was menacing in the episode 8 preview. (I'm only familiar with Matsumoto Jun's acting in 99,0%)

I wonder what Nozaki received on his phone. And poor Kurosu...he's living up to the kanji associated to him in the early promo cast announcement teaser of 信頼 (shinrai - trust, faith), but it's getting thrown back in his face in the worst way by this apparent(??) betrayal by Nogi?? I feel awful for Kurosu--he put a lot of faith in Nogi believing this betrayal, the capture, and the injuries, were all part of his plan...when apparently they're not. I want to go back in time to this moment:

I wonder if each character's kanji words will mean they'll each come face to face with that crashing down on them. Kurosu is sure to trust Nogi less, if at all, if it turns out this was all part of some bigger plan....maybe? A bit of a "One must fall before they can come back stronger" type of theme? (I wonder how Kurosu ended up partnered up with Nogi?) I'm still so sad over his "This is all part of the operation, right?" and "You did this because it's part of the plan, right?"....Kurosu really trusted Nogi.

To end (Because I could go on for a while I think)---

Nozaki and his "Oh wow oh no this sucks. It would've been great if someone had stuck another tracking device on Nogi somehow without him noticing, eh?" pose (Chenggis, meanwhile: $@%#!$#!%):

Chenggis being cute. CHENGGIS BEING CUTE??

Wink = 5,000,000pt damage

Thanks for reading to the end. Sorry if my thoughts were all over the place--I made a draft of this on Monday and meant to post it but was out in the evening and came home and was too tired XD;;.

[revanchistsuperstar]

holy hell, have I just had the throwback of a lifetime. dude, way on back when I was a confused unhappy little early-pubescent grub (11-14), I was obsessed with cosplay (still am) and would spend time religiously trawling deviantart and tumblr for crossplay advice, ways to bind and masculinize my face and walk and talk and comport myself more masculinely. I kept saying it was for character accuracy, but of course, there was more to it than that.

to shorten it all up, this tutorial of yours https://www.tumblr.com/revanchistsuperstar/70647041474/new-and-improved-ftm-crossplay-tutorial-if-you?source=share came up on my pinterest earlier and threw me back, after not seeing it for years now. I didn't even remember you were from middle tennessee! I googled the title of the tutorial to see if I could find the OG post, and was so glad to see you're still active on this account so many years later.

I just wanted to tell you that that tutorial was very impactful for me as a fellow southern queer kid. while I never did figure out how to make it work on my chubby, puffy little child face at the time (have gotten a bit better at makeup lately, still no pro but certainly better,) it was something to aspire to, and it was something that got me through a lot of waiting and confusion and self-discovery, knowing I *could* look like a man eventually, whatever that meant for me.

thank you for posting your tutorials online. I'm sure I'm not the only queer kid you've helped simply by being out and proud, but I wanted to tell you personally about how much you helped me survive puberty, the aspirations of passing, or at least being happy in myself regardless. I finally fully accepted myself at the end of last year, and came out to my parents early this year. It's been a lot to cope with, but life feels more promising now that I'm not hiding, and that I can seek medical transition knowing myself.

again, thank you so much for posting your tutorials. your pride has positively impacted me, and no doubt many others. I truly hope you've been well this past decade, and may the future remain bright for you. <3

Holy shit! Well way to go, and best of luck!

That tutorial is over 10 years old, that’s wild.

Believe it or not, I had my gender in no way figured out whatsoever when I was posting those, took me forever to realize what I had going on. I’ve been out as trans of some sort since 2011, but I only came out as a gay trans man and started medically transitioning a little over a year and a half ago.

But yeah I’ve been doing drag now for about 13 years! Vastly improved since the DeviantArt days lol. I now work professionally as a hair and makeup artist for stage and occasionally screen, so that’s what over a decade of plugging away at something can get you.

Glad the tutorial was helpful for you, being that it was one of the only masculinizing makeup tutorials out there on the internet at the time that I made it, its had pretty far reaching effects. Recently I’d been settling in to realizing that even though I’m only in my 30s, because I started drag in my teens I’m now becoming an elder of the drag king art form and as my co-producer from my drag troupe put it, I’m the Velvet Underground of drag kings. 🤣 But I’m glad it helped with your gender feels too!

Keep on keeping on!

[pertinax--loculos]

Books Read in 2024 (so far)

(Looking at my Goodreads, where I've been keeping track of this, I apparently only started keeping track in March? But I guess that's fair, there's a chance I didn't read anything before that. So let's go with that. ^_^)

The Foxhole Court, Nora Sakavic

The Raven King, Nora Sakavic

The King's Men, Nora Sakavic

-> These kicked off my reading binge for the year. Also, how have I never read them before? Because my god. Instant favourites. Don't talk to me.

Like Real People Do, E.L. Massey

-> My attempt to recapture the All for the Game vibes. It failed. The book was okay, though.

John Dies at the End, Jason Pargin

This Book is Full of Spiders: Seriously, Dude, Don't Touch It, Jason Pargin

What The Hell Did I Just Read, Jason Pargin

If This Book Exists, You're in the Wrong Universe, Jason Pargin

Futuristic Violence and Fancy Suits, Jason Pargin

Zoey Punches the Future in the Dick, Jason Pargin

Zoey is Too Drunk for This Dystopia, Jason Pargin

-> Some of these are technically rereads; JDatE, Spiders, and the first Zoey book. Regardless, Pargin is an insta-buy for me.

Leech, Hiron Ennes

-> Tumblr recommendation off a random post. Very good.

American Psycho, Bret Easton Ellis

-> I enjoyed this. If you can say that about this book. Taking it as what it is, I thought it was very well done.

Dead Girls Don't Say Sorry, Alex Ritany

-> Go check out @aritany if you haven't already! Wonderful human, incredible writer, new book coming out soon!

Tales from the Gas Station: Volume One, Jack Townsend

-> Trying to recapture some of Pargin's bizarre humour. Pretty similar, and I did enjoy it, but I was starting to move away from that vibe, and to be honest this just wasn't as good as Pargin.

Maze-Born Trouble, Ginn Hale

-> My only complaint with this book is it was too fucking short. 😠 Astonishing worldbuilding and a very rich story for what amounts to a novella. Love.

Altered Carbon, Richard K. Morgan

-> Following on from the scifi of Pargin's Zoey series and Maze-Born Trouble. This was good. I doubt I'll read more in the series because from the blurbs they're quite disparate, but holy hell the world that was built was incredible.

Mystic River, Dennis Lehane

-> Complicated reason why I read this that actually has to do with OOC. Also technically a reread, from a while ago. Love Lehane, though, and this as a standalone is very good. Has some examples of omniscient POV that I would almost classify as head-hopping that actually works, and as a thriller, so an interesting read for a writer as well.

Educated, Tara Westover

-> The beginning of my brief nonfiction binge.

I'm Glad My Mom Died, Jenette McCurdy

-> Because, obviously.

Eggshell Skull, Bri Lee

-> Highly HIGHLY recommended. Some heavy stuff regarding sex offences and the legal system, and quite centred in Australia, but a brilliant nonfiction read.

The Sunshine Court, Nora Sakavic

The Foxhole Court, Nora Sakavic

The Raven King, Nora Sakavic

The King's Men, Nora Sakavic

-> Why yes, I did see that The Sunshine Court had been released and immediately read it, then immediately reread All for the Game, because what the fuck else was I gonna do? Not reread it? C'mon.

Icebreaker, A.L. Graziadei

-> Note the author there, cuz I know there's another book by the same title. This one was excellent. Still not the AftG vibes I was seeking, but closest I've found reading something immediately after finishing that series.

The Ministry of Time, Kaliane Bradley

-> I know everyone's talking about it. Read it anyway.

Summer Sons, Lee Mandelo

-> currently reading. Currently loving.

...and that's 27 so far this year -- 23 if you don't count rereading books I read for the first time this year. 0.o Still, not a bad effort!

If you'd like more info or just wanna chat about any of this books, feel free to hit me up. Also if you've got this far without being intimidated by my awful formatting choices, congrats! And thankyou. ^_^

[period-dramallama]

Review: Katherine by Anya Seton

I know I know I said I would have time at the end of last year, but then I got bitten by a plot bunny and after that I had my annual New Year holiday at my mum’s, AND THEN I got bitten by another plot bunny…

TLDR: an enjoyable read, but my high expectations were disappointed.

The plot

At times the novel was very slow, but it felt slice-of-life looking at different aspects of the 14th century: the plague, jousts, pilgrimage, murder, the Peasant’s Revolt. The title ‘Katherine’ is rather misleading because the world around her is much more interesting than she is, frankly. And while the pace is slow, the murder of [SPOILER] is a good source of dramatic irony: waiting for the characters to find out the terrible secret.

You can see the seeds of the dynastic dispute that will become the Wars of the Roses: Mortimer thinking that his descendants by Philippa will get the throne sooner than John’s descendants. Cob’s subplot with Katherine was good.

Also good on Anya for not lazily confusing her history and remembering that the young Hotspur of Shakespeare is not the same as the historical dude, who was much older than Harry of Monmouth. It was good to see Hotspur, although I think his fame from Shakespeare is probably the reason he’s in the book. At times the book is like a who’s who of 14th century England: Katherine meets Julian of Norwich. It’s also fun to see Chaucer and the references to his work and historical people influencing his writing. I liked his perspective on the Peasants’ Revolt: he’s hidden in his rooms, passing the time with his stories, so he comes out to see the destruction like that gif of the man who enters the burning living room with pizza.

Gaunt confronts the archbishop at St Paul’s and it’s a great set piece.

More Wycliffe and John of Gaunt, please! I loved seeing John of Gaunt use Wycliffe for his own political ends. “John was truly devout in a hearty male way… he believed as his father and mother had believed, so Wyclif had ended by horrifying him.”

Whoever wrote that placard calling Gaunt a Flemish changeling…truly the winner of the Darwin Award. My guy, at least disguise your handwriting.

I did get a sense of the importance of religion to medieval people, which was good:

“What then was certain? What was there that would not shift and veer at the mercy of the winds of feeling?”

“Sanctity, the clergy said. Prayer. The practice of religion. The benevolence of the holy saints. The Grace of God.”

“He had not pointed out that the devil’s hand with the five fingers of lechery gripped a man by the lions, to throw him into the furnace of Hell.”

The action scenes, for want of a better phrase, are also well-written: “But on the second course he shattered the boy’s spear and, though his own lance point was broken off by the shock, he swerved Morel and, coolly slanting the butt of his lance into the boy’s armpit- beneath the breastplate, lifted him from his saddle and deposited him on the ground.”

The writing

“During the time of terror and hideous death there had been no dignity of mourning, and now in the honours done the Duchess they could weep quietly for their own dead, too.”

The plague sequence was well written: atmospheric, full of doom and dread.

Sometimes the writing was….IMHO, bordering on the silly. “Lay bathed in a moony light” “the blue Percy lions on their surcoats jigged in and out with their fierce breathings.” Anya, baby, don’t write under the influence. It’s not a good idea.

The medieval songs were a welcome inclusion that made the world feel more real.

There are some good turns of phrase in this book: “He’s swollen with pride and no doubt March has been puffing it with the hot air of promises.”

“Bloodshed-“ the friar smiled faintly. “Blood is all you knights understand.”

“There’s still the bishops! May the devil’s pitchforks prick their fat rumps until they’ve bled out all the gold!”

“like released bowstrings, the two hundred diners jumped to their feet and waited.”

Anya writes crowds and the mood of crowds well, she is good at depicting mass hysteria and mob mentality. “Already a dozen heads had rolled into the central gutter, which ran crimson. Vultures and kites perched high above on the house gables, watching as intently as the crowd did.”

There are some lovely expressions of emotion. “Humility struck Katherine, even shame that she had dared to expect love from such a man as this.” “Am I then nothing of myself? She thought with anguish. Can I not live apart from memories of him”

There’s humorous moments too. “The excited fishmonger had just caught sight of Katherine standing like a church statue beyond his angry wife.” “She held out a fat dimpled hand so loaded with diamonds that Katherine, as she curtsied, could scarce find space to kiss.” “There he may cool his ardours by taming the Scots, who are rampaging as usual. God bless them.” “They were recounting with relish the horrors of the revolt in London two months ago, while a Norfolk man insisted that they had had a worse time of it up here than any Londoner could know.” “Five children stood by a thatched stable which enclosed crudely painted homemade figures of the nativity, and loudly disputed whether the Baby were smiling or not.”

The characters

Take a shot every time Katherine’s beauty is mentioned or described. You will pass out.  There are fewer references to her beauty as the book goes on.

“She had beauty still, the thinness of her flesh but exposed the grace of her bones and sinews.”

…mostly fewer references.

“He reached out his finger to touch the white streaks at her temples. “Age on you has but added swan’s wings to your fairness,” he said wryly, “while I’m grizzled and hacked like an old badger.”

I said FEWER references, not none.

“They stared at each other in a struggle that racked them both, and she clung to the sudden enmity between them as a shield.” “They stood looking at each other, breathing as though they raced with time.”

The chemistry between John and Katherine has promise, but the development of the attraction is pretty thin. There is attraction between them but at almost halfway through the book, I still didn’t get what Katherine’s appeal was to him, apart from her beauty. She’s the main character, yet I didn’t get a sense of a personality. Philippa ‘Pica’ Chaucer might be brash and grating to the people around her, but at least I could describe her to you. What’s Katherine’s personality? Um…she’s beautiful? She’s a controlling parent to Blanchette? She’s a loyal friend to Blanche? And….um…yeah.

John goes from desiring Katherine to suddenly saying he loves her: it’s a very abrupt change in his feelings.

“Inclination and good taste” prevent Katherine from interfering in politics. It’s “men’s business” and she’s framed as better than that meddling realm-ruiner Alice Perrers (boo!hiss!)

It might seem hypocritical of me to criticise Katherine being apolitical- didn’t I just say I wanted Katherine to have more personality and now she has a definable personality trait I’m criticising it for not being the personality I wanted?

But I do think it’s a missed opportunity. Yes, I’m biased, I like scheming women, but I really do think it would be a more interesting book if Katherine paid attention to John of Gaunt’s activities, maybe even advised him. It would serve as a window into John of Gaunt, who he is, what drives him. There’s nothing wrong with wanting the quiet life but it does make Katherine rather passive. Dozens and dozens of pages go by without Katherine and the duke interacting. Their reunion at the end is lovely, but it would be even better if their relationship was well-developed. “This castle was his, the bread she ate, the clothes she wore came from his bounty. Like the hundreds in his retinue, like his children, like this young squire who stood waiting respectfully before her, she had no course but submission.” I like the realism of this passage, but again, it does feel like a missed opportunity to get closer to John of Gaunt’s inner workings. There is a scene where John confides in Katherine by her coaxing, and it’s a pleasant scene, but it’s all the more frustrating because it’s the only time. “His need for her deepened, he talked to her more freely about all his concerns, and he kept her with him constantly, showing her many public as well as private signs of his love.”

That’s the good stuff! I don’t want that information in passing, I want to see it happen! That’s what I want to read! Not Reminder no. 312 that Katherine Is Beautiful!

(Maybe this is a sign that I should be reading a novel about Alice Perrers instead. Or writing one? Eyes emoji.)

“But by night, sometimes she was with him in dreams. In these dreams there was love between them, tenderness greater than there had really been. She awoke from these with her body throbbing and a sense of agonising loss.” I was struck by the nuance and the pessimism of this passage. It was a different kind of love story than I had expected from a ‘classic romance’.

“She was no longer simply ‘Katherine’ she must adjust again to the various labels that the world would give her, and the demands fair and unfair that it would make.”

That’s great but I still don’t know who Katherine IS beneath all these labels!!

I did like this moment with Katherine during the Peasants’ Revolt. Anya astutely summarised some historical truths: she gets it right where Margaret Mitchell got it wrong:

“A good manor lord cares for his serfs,” she continued. “He gives them ale feasts and alms. In time of trouble he protects them, feeds them, and he administers justice for them that they have not the understanding to do for themselves. They’re like his children.”

The friar gave his rare chuckle. “You voice the arguments for slavery that are old as Babylon and have satisfied many. There are however others who prefer freedom to any benefits – I don’t know,” he added half to himself, “what is God’s law.”  

I was not expecting Katherine to imprison her daughter for disobedience, especially as the real Blanchette seems to have died younger.

(However, espousing the views of the time is still not a personality.)

“Katherine, who was always just, stroked the dark curls.” Always just??? Anya?? My sister in Christ, she bullied Blanchette into marriage, that’s not just!!

Anya definitely has Opinions about gender roles. Katherine’s femininity is Good and Modest and Natural, Richard’s femininity is Sinister and Unnatural.

“Ay, there was perversion of all sorts dwelling behind those tinted beardless cheeks, the gold-powdered curls, the tall slender body that bore itself so haughtily in violet brocade which gave forth a wave of scent as he passed.”

“Next came a giggling, mincing group of young men in skintight hose that showed their thighs, and more, and who wore velvet shoes with points half a yard long – Richard’s contemporaries and cronies.”

Why is literally everyone in this novel more interesting than Katherine? This novel is like a bagel: a hearty ring, but the centre is a hole, a void.

[the-one-blog-to-rule-them-all]

FF7 spoilers under the break you've been warned

So here’s my official writeup on my thoughts and feelings on FF7 from start to finish. I’m sure I’ll skip some parts but I just neeeeeed to talk about this and I have nobody to talk to about it now bc my irl friends are not the fandom girlies I typically associate with lol. For anyone who reads this, bear in mind that I have somehow not been spoiled for literally anything in the OG game (and haven’t played it) aside from the one obvious big thing (and even then, I didn’t know when it happens or any of the circumstances surrounding it).

The start of the game is hype and exciting because WOW NEW LOCATION!!! But honestly I had a bit of doubt going in. I was incredibly excited just to get back into the world I hold so dearly to my heart but there’s always this nervousness that comes with any piece of media you look so forward to because if it sucks then it just… ends. You don’t get a redo of something, ya know? So there’s always that preliminary anxiety when I’m starting something new because I’ve really put all of my emotional eggs in this basket and I need it to be good. 

But yeah you start off in Kalm and let me tell you the fucking cornfusion I was having with Cloud retelling this story to all of his friends… The Nibelheim Incident. And the whole time he’s retelling the story I’m like man I just don’t remember any of this and I’ve played the hell out of Crisis Core and I could have sworn this was Zack, Sephiroth, and Cloud (as a hidden shinra soldier, not out as Cloud). Like I remember the photograph they took with Tifa on the way up the mountain and it was Zack and Sephiroth and Tifa, no big Cloud moment. I remember thinking “But wasn’t Zack paired up with Sephiroth?” so I was incredibly confused by the end of this segment. But then Tifa validated my confusion by being incredulous herself so I was like oh okay, I’m not fucking crazy. Although I was still super confused!! Like why are they both remembering different things and not mentioning Zack at all (that comes later) and is Cloud lying? And is he doing it on purpose? That’s not the Cloud I know, the Cloud I know is a SOLDIER and seems pretty honorable (that’s my fucking bad by the way, I do NOT understand how playing Crisis Core three times, watching Advent Children countless times, and consuming so much fanfic and other media around this universe has allowed me to blow past the fact that CLOUD WAS NEVER A FUCKING SOLDIER. He couldn’t pass the mental test so he was just a regular Shinra grunt this whole fucking time and the only reason he has the Mako eyes is because of that fucking four years of tube testing Hojo did on him and Zack!! And then he just mentally checked Zack out after the trauma of his death and was like “yep, actually I did all of these things and Zack isn’t real”. LIKE WHAT??!?!?!?!!?!?! HOW DID I MISS THAT LMFAO)

To be honest the first half or so of the game kind of blurred together because it was very very very light on the story and that was really brutal for me. I think the first time I played Remake when it came out I blew through the story in like… 25 hours. I didn’t do AAAANY side quests because I was just so excited for the story stuff. So this time I really wanted to enjoy the story correctly and play it right the first time so that first half of the game was me doing the Rumplestiltskin toe gripping thing while I fought my way through all of the little side quests. But they felt fulfilling honestly. I really do love building a relationship with these characters but holy farking ship, I kept talking to Tifa all wrong and I was so scared lol. I swear every time I’d have to make a dialogue choice I picked the wrong one and he would say some dumbass shit to her. I was building a relationship with Barret easy fucking peasy we were just a couple of guys being dudes. And boy do I love Barret. I’ll always love the trope of a big scary man with a heart of gold and he’s honestly the model for that now. Every time he’d mention Marlene I’d feel my heart swell with joy that this imaginary character has so much love for that little girl. And I love Red XIII so much too, although slightly less now that his personality changed COMPLETELY, but I still can’t help but love him. I spent the whole first half of the game anxiously waiting for Cid or Vincent to show up (AS WELL AS FUCKING RENO, and although I understand why they cut his character for the ENTIRE GAME I cannot help but be heartbroken that one of my favorite characters was just left out) and forgot completely about Cait Sith!!!! So when we got to the sauce and I saw him my little heart completely leapt out of my chest I was so excited!! He was such a really truly amazing and wonderful little guy and I can’t believe I forgot about him. I didn’t know he was a little robot though which was shocking to learn, but it doesn’t matter. His little sacrifice at the end of the game made me tear up regardless of that. Yuffie was there too but she made me sooo mad at first lmao I ended up enjoying her character a lot though!

Queen’s Blood fucking rocked btw, that was insanely addicting and I wish they had more people to play lol. 

Cloud is insanely loveable and crushable. I absolutely adore him and always have and always will. He’s such an endearing protagonist and to see him go through so much in this game was a lot to take in. The scenes he had where he was feeling joy were so important and added so much. I also love the Tifa cat side quest. 

So yeah the story is kinda slow up until a little after the halfway point I’d say? It was a lot of just moving from place to place and slowly building things up but I think it worked. I will say that the Zack segments were short and confusing because of their scarcity and length. I would play as him for 3 minutes after 20 hours of doing other shit and then be like “wow! I still know nothing!” lol. Which isn’t a bad thing necessarily but it was disappointing when I felt like there was a lot of marketing in this game about Zacks part of the story. But once the story picked up I was so fucking in dude. Also once I got my Cloud/Tifa date outcome on the first try it was like the game allowed me to give 0 fucks about finishing the rest of the side quests I had left by the wayside lol. Which was nice. And their date was absolutely everything my shipping heart wanted. The Loveless Play was SOOOOO AMAZING OMG the set and how they put all of the characters into it! Was so good. And I’m a sucker for that kind of thing. AND THEN THE FERRIS WHEEL?!?!?!?! Their entire conversation the entire date was so like warm and “natural” for them and it was so nice to see Cloud be a little more open and see Tifa also be more vulnerable. And the kiss was so magical I felt like a little fly on the wall and I cheered and cheered out loud when it happened cause I really did NOOOTTTT think they’d actually put a kiss in the game since I know there’s a lot of “Aerith vs Tifa” drama in the fandom (always has been). Ahhhh I’m so happy lol it was so awesome. 

By the way I didn’t know that Cloud had this possession/degradation thing going on either. So when that started happening that was totally alarming. When he knocked Tifa into the mako reactor in his evil little way I was fucking shocked. I truly thought they were rewriting the game to kill Tifa off or something, but that whole segment was absolutely gorgeous and I’m surprised they didn’t touch on it more later on. Just because it seems like it would be a life impacting moment for Tifa. And also cannot believe that after that incident Tifa didn’t go to the others and say “hey uhh something’s fucking wrong with him right now, if he starts being super weird make sure you stay away from him cause he might actually try to kill you” lol. But man it broke my heart sooo bad seeing Cloud like that. Especially because in this game I feel like they really let his goofy personality shine a little bit more so it felt like he was truly not himself. 

Meeting Vincent and Cid was a dream. I’ve played Dirge of Cerberus ages ago but I don’t think I beat it, but I love Vincent and Cid lol. Cid is just a goofy redneck so that always resonates with me and everybody loves a super serious vampire. Cait Sith’s betrayal stung like a bitch because he was kinda my favorite “new” companion and I loved his positive attitude and outlook. But like I said earlier, his redemption was really beautiful. 

Leif was so convinced they would change Aerith’s death to Tifa to just subvert and change things but I don’t think he was quite understanding of the impact Aeriths death has. Her sacrifice because she’s a Cetra and how she can change the fate of the world and her friends with this one incredibly selfless decision. She’s never had a normal life and finally makes the friends she wanted so badly and went on an incredible adventure and now she has to give all of that up after not enough time with them? Powerful and painful. And like I said, I didn’t know the circumstances surrounding it or when it happened so the entire game I was on edge wondering if it would happen this game or not and well… sure did lol. I figured it would be at the end of this game to give them all the motivation to really end it all in the next game but it still hit me like a train. That entire sequence at the beginning of chapter 14 where Cloud and Aerith are in the sort of “after life” or the “acceptance” area had me crying like a baby. The way everyone was just happily accepting their fate and their one last chance to do the things they did in regular life. Blegh. And when they got to the church and he was still confused and she was just thanking him and telling him not to blame himself and he falls into consciousness again as Sephiroth is walking into the church in the background. I made this weird audible sob because I knew it was coming and I was so scared for her. I’m telling you this game was really immersive. I have never felt myself just totally disappear in a game like that ever.

So yeah, then that happens. And it was such a sad scene but really so beautiful and impactful. Bro I’m tearing up again just typing this out hahaha. And the quick time events they have you do to try to stop Cloud from being the one who kills her was so difficult and that just added so much to the immersion, and then it’s all kind of for nothing (or so it seems? But yes for nothing) when sephiroth kills her, and it shows everyone crying and the music is insanely gorgeous during this entire time by the way. From the second they took to the afterlife in Midgar together to now the music has been non stop amazing. And then I’m just thinking back to Aerith singing her song on the Loveless stage and her crying and GUHHHHH. I truly wanted to destroy Sephiroth, fuck that guy I’ve had way more than enough of him. The whole scene was devastatingly beautiful. I can’t put it into words at all. 

And then to see that Cloud is still poisoned at the end of the game was also heartbreaking. Watching them all prepare to fly away and “leave” Aerith behind was heartbreaking. Watching Aerith become their guardian angel was heartbreaking. But my god what a fulfilling game. I feel broken on games forever. 

But that part where you have to throw boxes as Cait Sith and Fat Moogle? Fuck that shit. 

Anyways 10/10

[kyogre-blue]

SS continues. It's kind of bad!

Done with the bridge, Gronder is skipped, and done with Merceus also, so all that's left is two maps of Edelgard, Shambhala and I guess evil Rhea or whatever.

I have to say that I did not initially appreciate just HOW MUCH of the post-skip is copy-pasted. I also checked the chapter list for AM, and it's pretty much entirely the same. We take the same freaking bridge in Alliance territory for some god-forsaken reason, apparently? Even though an Arianrhod map exists? That's going to be interesting in like six months when I get to it.

But while Claude making us do VW by proxy was kind of funny in a stupid way, Gronder is a disaster. I am in genuine awe of how poorly handled that was.

So Gronder takes place off screen. We don't go there AND, get this, the entire month when it would take place is just erased from the calendar. There's no April! They did not even pretend to be putting in some effort here. They just excised the entire month along with the map.

And just thinking about Gronder gives me a headache. What was Claude even doing there? Leicester is specifically a hot mess, and I can't see us killing Lorenz at the bridge improving the situation much. And yet Claude goes off to Gronder and uuuh "disappears." At this point, I'm going to assume that he sent Judith's troops and dumped all that on us because he had already decided to peace out and he went to Gronder purely for the purposes of faking his death. That makes about as much sense as anything else.

Dimitri ghost is also funny. My dude, I still don't know anything about you... please go haunt someone who cares.

Anyway, liveblogging notes:

Catherine says that Alliance nobles are weird but in a good way. You won't find "such big-hearted nobles" elsewhere. This is in reference to Judith (and Claude by extension) helping us.

Shamir considers Judith's spy network to be impressive, given that she had people able to spot Rhea being taken away by the Imperial Army in the chaos of the invasion five years ago.

It's mentioned that aside from Count Gloucester being supposedly devout (doubt), the commoners also support the Knights of Seiros. (Update: this is very funny given that he sends his son to die on our swords for uuuh no particular reason.)

Lord Gwendal's daughter fell in love with Sylvain once lol (Update: Ingrid's version of this is that, at fifteen, Sylvain sought "relentlessly" to involve himself with her.)

The two territories on either side of the Great Bridge of Myrddin are Acheron to the north (the one in Lorenz's paralogue) and Bergliez to the south. That's Caspar's dad, and he's been getting on swimmingly in Edelgard's new regime.

The dark merchant looks like one of the Agarthan mages lol, but the quest to get them to appear gives you a Morfis battalion, so I suppose that's where they're actually from?

Seteth says alcohol has little effect on him.

It's specified that Rhea had disabled the Phantoms and Altered Golems in the Holy Tomb in order to allow the ceremony (of throne-sitting) to take place. It seems that she also didn't create those defenses but rather they came pre-built with the Tomb...? Or maybe Seteth means Seiros (not "Rhea") created them back in the day, who can even tell.

Alois is pretty nice to use. Shamir is consistently useful. Seteth is fine. Hanneman is annoying as hell and had gotten killed way too many times. And Manuela not having physic is a bad joke.

The great bridge is a bit of hilarious mess. We get ambushed by warp reinforcements from Acheron, then Lorenz and his goons show up too. Bye, Lorenz. It's your own fault for dying.

Seteth comments on how some imperial troops were willing to lay down their lives to hold the bridge (Edelgard's crazy fangirl Ladislava), but eh.

Suddenly, Gilbert. He's still alive? He says he's serving Dimitri, who was hiding in Fraldarius territory. We didn't find this out until Gronder in VW. This time, the Kingdom rebels reach out in order to ally with the Church. I wanted to ally, but Seteth wouldn't let me. :(((( Seteth, let me live!!! Enough already! Anyway, instead, we just let them use our new bridge. Which all has some funny implications, since apparently Claude is too shady to ally with but also how did Dimitri's super mysterious force get to Gronder in VW?

Anyway, I guess that's why we don't go to Gronder. But I'm uuuuh confused about why Claude was even there, per the off-screen recap? He didn't ask to use our bridge, so how did he even get to Gronder? And WHY? The Alliance was still massively divided last we checked with them. Sure, we killed Lorenz, but I can't see that making things any less chaotic. Judith gave her forces to us, and even between the church and the alliance, it was always emphasized in VW how outnumbered we were. Why would Claude even go to Gronder? How did he get there......... And now he's uh missing (sus man).

Seriously, did he send us those troops because he decided he wanted to dump the war on us and secretly peace out? Or??

Anyway, Dimitri fucked up Edelgard but also got killed. Bye, we hardly knew ya. We still have a vision of his... ghost?? OK, sure.

Take your pick which is funnier, this or Hilda just kinda seeing him die off screen somewhere, after we beat his ass.

Location card for the ghost scene is "outer city" iirc.

April is just GONE. It doesn't exist! Like, we just don't even get a calendar for it?? What the actual fuck?!

Felix switches between thinking Dimitri was dead all along and thinking he was "alive all this time." Whatever.

Alois says we disguised ourselves as enemy soldiers to sneak in..... Where?? When did this happen? We didn't sneak onto the bridge, and if this is about the strategy for Merceus, we haven't discussed it yet.

Yeah, this is apparently a plan that we just haven't been shown yet, because Shamir says we gave the order to dress all our troops in Imperial armor. News to me!

Update: We can even ask "Disguises?" when we're already on the Merceus approach. Is Seteth claiming his strategy was an order from Byleth while handling everything behind the scenes? And then gaslights by saying it was your idea (that you forgot about)?

For a knight, we pick up Lavandula grass, an herb with tiny purple flowers. Its calming scent relieves stress. You make tea out of it.

Ashe mentions that Dedue is missing, and his death is not actually confirmed. But from what I've been told, his appearance in Enbarr was also cut from SS.

I just realized there's a huge globe in the library. I wonder if anyone's been able to get a good look at what's drawn on it. Seteth sure plays up how he totally does not recognize those ballistic missiles.

Come to think of it, how did Jeritza know that the missiles were coming?

Seteth spells out a plan we sure did not have before. I can't believe they have him both railroading you earlier and also playing up how you're totally such a cool and smart strategist...

[nsfwflint]

I'm usually not the type to do big public displays, but after letting the news stew for a bit, I kinda figured I had to.

You will always be one of my favourite writers even if you never write again. Hell, I probably would never have gotten into writing on tumblr at the very least if it wasn't for you. I remember reading your work but sticking around because you're just unabatedly funny, cool and just you.

It made me realize that even though Tumblr is kinda ass for writing it's worth it for the people you can find and interact with <3

I still remember when you hit me up about my star wars knowledge, a series I just remembered I haven't written for over a year. I was super surprised you even remembered, let alone allowed me to indulge in my hyperfocus at the time.

That interaction helped me out a lot, thinking back on it. Despite you asking me about things, it really helped me to be more outgoing when interacting with other people.

Anyway, I'm detracting from the point of all this, while it sucks to hear about you retiring, I can understand. At the end of the day what truly matters is if you enjoy your time spent writing and fuck everything else.

Also? Dude literally came in to write a single Sejeong piece and then continues to write another 39 pieces before he decides to retire? Holy shit is that Gigachad.

I only have one complaint about you kare and it's from a while back now, but your stupid ass talking about Worlds 2020 for League, got my probably stupider ass back into it and I've been stuck ever since.

Anyway, just thanks for being super cool <3

Man this is definitely the most emotional ask I've gotten. You were without a doubt one of the greatest fans I had and I'll definitely miss you <3

I never imagined that I'd have that much impact on anyone, so hearing you say all this means so much to me. Even if I never did end up writing that podracer Heejin piece. But yeah Tumblr is kinda ass for writing honestly lmao. I just used it because I had the best metrics here and it was the easiest way to interact with all the friends I've made writing.

I am kinda disappointed that I wrote for almost 3 years and didn't even reach 50 pieces but I guess 40 is still a healthy catalog.

Sorry about League LMAOOO

Thanks for being an amazing fan and I'll never forget the support you showed me <3

[tiodolma]

I'm still astounded at how Terry Pratchett wrote Friet in Small Gods.

“And of course, no one could possibly doubt the wisdom of a war to further the worship and glory of the Great God?” “No. No. None could doubt it,” said Friet who had walked across many a battlefield the day after a glorious victory when you had ample opportunity to see what winning meant. The Omnians forbade the use of all drugs. At times like that, the prohibition bit hard when you dared not go to sleep for fear of your dreams.

In these passages we see that Friet was a war veteran and some kind of commander. The Omnians' warmongering has affected him deeply. THe dude legit has PTSD symptoms. Terry Pratchett use of wit says it all without telling it to us directly.

“Did not the Great God declare, through the Prophet Abess, that there is no greater and more honorable sacrifice than one’s own life for the god?” “I-Indeed he did,” said Friet. He couldn’t help recalling that Abess had been the bishop of the citadel for fifty years before the Great God had chosen him. Screaming enemies had never come at him with a sword. He’d never looked into the eyes of someone who wished him dead. Now of course he had all the time because, of course, the Church had its politics, but at least they hadn’t been holding the means to that end in their hands at the time.

Here Friet continues to question the teachings of their religion as someone who had to lead and carry out the holy wars. He had seen the terrible loss and inhumanity in the battlefield and he wonders if the prophet even understand what they were imparting to the faithful

‘There was a man who man touched by destiny.’ A tiny part of Friet, the part that had lived for much of its life in tents, had been shot at quite a lot and had been in the middle of melees where you could just as easily be killed by an ally as an enemy added, ‘or at least by something.’ It was a part of him that was due to spend all the eternities in all the hells... but it had already had a lot of practice.

Friet thinks about ArchDeacon Vorbis, and how Vorbis' war on heresy could might as well capture Friet too if he already knew Friet's doubts.

Mr. Terry Pratchett really wrote a war-torn veteran like that. I couldn't get it out of my mind. It haunted me.

Then again it's another literary expansion of Friet's character and experience as a long time veteran soldier/commander, the realities and humanity of war that he faced, and his fear of what is to come.

It's writing masterclass I think. It is the ability and skill to illustrate something without outright telling the readers/listeners what it is, ecouraging us to imagine more vividly and arrive at exactly the kind of mental image without any doubt.

Amazing.

[1358456]

Cynthia's Team

... It's been so long since the last time I played a Pokemon game that has Cynthia in it (pretty much every game since DP except HGSS) that I don't think I remember her Pokemon team. Other than Garchomp, of course. And I certainly don't remember if her manga team has any variance from her game team. I doubt it, but you never know. And I feel like this is important to remember for NG+.

But there have been so many champions over the years. Like... who's the champion in BW and BW2? And what are their teams? I don't remember. I think it was Iris and a pack of Dragon types for BW2 and some dude that might resemble a Solgaleo for BW? ... Anyways. ... And was there even a league and champion in SM/USM? I don't remember anyone from that generation.

So, scraping at my memories here, I would guess that Cynthia's team goes as... Spiritomb (I remember her leading with this), Garchomp (duh), Lucario (as recently confirmed), ... I remember being hit by an Aura Sphere from a Togekiss. Was that here? ... Milotic... Or was that Wallace with his Water team? And finally... er... Roserade? I remember a Gallade Psycho Cut one-shotting a Roserade, and I don't think that was my Roserade because why would I make one for a campaign run? So, I'm guessing Spiritomb, Garchomp, Lucario, Togekiss, Milotic, Roserade. ... Time to check...

... Holy crap, I was right. Yaay. ... Though maybe it would've been better if I was wrong...

Anyways. Hmm... so then for NG+, I would have to think about how Cynthia would even get these things. She can start with a Gible and no explanation needed because... no one ever gets an explanation for their first Pokemon. ... And now there's an immediate problem.

Spiritomb. Where the hell is that in DPPt? Wasn't that some underground link thing? Togekiss... Cynthia gives you the Togepi Egg, so... that doesn't solve anything. Lucario... What's-his-name gives you a Riolu Egg and that's it, so... maybe he had yet another one. Milotic... I remember Feebas being a real pain in the ass in RSE (I did get one though), and a similar level pain in DPPt. ... Why does she have so many Pokemon that can't be encountered normally...

Well, I guess in NG+, I can make her just magically get them off-screen.

Cynthia: "Okay. I'll see what I can find out in the library, and we'll meet up at the Pokemon Center tomorrow." Red: "All right." ... (Cynthia shows up with a Spiritomb) Red: "... Where'd you get that?" Cynthia: "Um... a lot happened yesterday." Red: "... At a library??"

Then again, I don't think anyone would care if people ran into Pokemon in places that they have no business appearing in. So maybe Cynthia ran into a Feebas while walking around a park, Roselia in a cave, and a Spiritomb while fishing.

[mightyaphrodytee]

Lol, that was season 5, but…

Holy shit so much information has poured all over us for the last two months, it’s hard to keep everything straight in your head. I broke my shoulder during Scandoval, I had endless time in bed, in pain, so I did a rewatch (I’m currently mid-season 7, and I’m not committed to seasons 8 or 9). Every episode. Every blowup, every fight, every meltdown, all the drunkenness and drug abuse, all the infidelity and accusations and denials and tears. And I have thoughts. For posterity, darlings.

I’ve learned (and seen with my own eyes—Florida Girl) that BOTH Tom AND Ariana had some kind of pact, and I think they both took it seriously until Tom abandoned it for Rachel, that they would keep their private struggles, whatever they might be, OFF the show and hidden from their castmates and “friends.” I believe with all my heart that nobody on the show or in production really ever questioned it. No one ever leveled an accusation at their relationship. Tom and Ariana were like the closest thing to an audience pov on the show. The DRAAAAMA was Jax, Jax, Jax, Jax, Stassi, Stassi, Stassi, Stassi, fistfights and party crashing and cheating and a breakup…! We were barely shown Tom and Ariana’s conflict over having children, which seemed significant when Tom said it was a dealbreaker, then immediately retracted it when confronted by Ariana. That, plus their difficulties with intimacy and Ariana’s body image issues, was all we knew. They had each other’s back to an insane degree for YEARS, because of this pact, and now the floodgates are open, And we know that when Lala tells Ariana about what really happened at that party the day Ariana’s grandmother dies, Ariana had a meltdown and refused to film with Lala, who had to sit at a table and wait while production talked Ariana down and got consent to film. That’s why she abruptly turns and yells for Tom to come join the Lala info dump, saying I’m not gonna do this, so…let’s get him. And he was absolutely stone cold caught in a lie right then and there.

How could Ariana so easily dismiss the certain knowledge, via Lala, who was there at the party with Sandoval (and Raquel), that TOM LIED TO HER ABOUT NOT FINDING AN UBER SO HE COULD STAY WITH RAQUEL. So, like, I feel like that should’ve been the red flag to end all red flags.

And she definitely had her doubts, no matter how hard she rode for him publicly, because her INTUITION told her to see what she could see when she had the perfect opportunity to look at his phone. The photos app I guess, which is the iOS camera roll. What a shock it must have been. It’s like you’re flying off the edge of the earth, right up into outer space, no tether to humanity because everything is a lie. UGH I RELATE and probably am projecting my shit onto Ariana, which I’m not trying to do fr fr.

Dude, if she had followed me she would have known I wasn’t at Schwartz’s WORST STATEMENT OF THE EPISODE CONGRATS SCUMBAG

But every time you stayed out late or overnight, Ariana checked your location, which was always at the complicit Schwartz’s house

So you left your phone there while you went off to Rachel’s?

Because OBVIOUSLY you’re no fucking stranger to her apartment (!!!)

There is no way in hell I would ever believe that Sandoval wouldn’t run to his work wife, in whom he has confided everything, and confess every detail, with a TON of drama because it’s Sandoval, to expunge his guilty conscience alllllll over Schwartz. Please. He knew everything from the jump, but of course he took no action beyond urging Sandoval to confess. For seven months. He knew. These people are such great liars.

Every line out of Ariana’s mouth, in her confrontation conversation with Tom, was poetry. Eloquent, blunt, sincere, honest, brutal, true. That woman! I admire her dignified reaction in this episode while also side-eyeing her own complicity in not wanting any breaches of the wall of positivity that she helped create. But everyone on this show has their good and their bad, and we’ve seen it all. Ariana’s very first episode! Disaster. She was playing a tough girl character, not herself.

Brittany is the exception to that and has never done anything wrong or shady or hurtful or mean girl-ish.

[selflessdoctor]

holy shit i remembered the password to this account. is anyone alive here?