#[ happy things in anders' life exist ]

[gainingfiction]

Heavily Used

Summary: This is a bit experimental (or weird), and maybe a bit predictable, but I had fun writing it. This is a story about an important relationship in a fat guy’s life, and the risk of taking things for granted. It’s also a story about coping (or not coping) with change.

Hope you enjoy!

~

I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I can only handle so much. It’s one thing to be taken for granted, that’s something we all have to live with. It’s just the total lack of acknowledgment, or even awareness that I’ve been under a lot of pressure lately. I swear, one of these days, I’m just gonna snap and call it quits.

A little bit about me: I’m stylish, polished, and pretty easy on the eyes, if I do say so myself. Born in Poland, but my background is Swedish—I’m European, at heart. The name is Anders, but no one actually calls me that. I’m not super high-maintenance, once you figure me out, but everyone needs a little attention from time to time. Some tending.

Especially living with Max.

I’ve known Max for a while, and he’s not a bad guy. He can be a little rough sometimes, and maybe a little careless, but it doesn’t come from a bad place. I think it’s just a lack of self-awareness. And let’s be honest, that’s a common problem among pretty-boy jocks.

The trouble with Max is that he’s not the pretty-boy I once knew. He’s changed… he’s grown. I mean, he’s literally grown. Grown by about a hundred pounds, if I had to guess, and counting. Over the course of our time together, I’ve gotten pretty familiar with his ass, and I’ll admit, it’s a great one. But, boy, he’s got a lot more ass for me to handle these days.

It’s not insurmountable, not yet at least. But I’m worried it’s getting there.

It started out simply enough, the innocent midnight snacks and occasional takeout treats. No problem, right? Twunks can afford to indulge a little, especially a hot commodity like Max. But then, you get comfortable. You settle into a routine, you let yourself go. That’s the thing about creatures of beauty: one minute you’re the hottest guy in town, trim and toned, with a golden tan and handsome face and perfect, silky hair. The sort of guy who only seems to exist in a Hollywood version of reality. But then, inevitably, something happens. Sometimes tastes change, or maybe you’re the one doing the changing.

I won’t deny, I’m not in the same shape I was when I entered Max’s life for the first time. Any long-term relationship comes with the normal wear-and-tear. Max, though, has taken it to a whole new level.

The little snacks become big snacks. The extra meals go from “occasional” to “frequent” to “everyday”. Gluttony takes over. A 32-inch waist becomes a 36-inch waist becomes a 40-inch waist; size-small shirts are discarded in the back of the closet, soon joined by ill-fitting mediums, and then by larges, stretched out of shape by a gut that won’t stop getting bigger. Max used to flit around the apartment like a bird; now he lumbers like an elephant, heavy footfalls and a slow, waddling gait. His own warning system—you can hear him coming.

On paper, I know I should be trying to help lighten the load. And it’s not like I’m totally unappreciated; there are days when he comes home from work, legs tired and arms loaded down with takeout, and I can tell he’s genuinely happy to have me. But it doesn’t last long. Once dinner’s over, I’m back to being ignored while he sits on the couch, gorging himself in front of the TV, until he comes around again to stuff his face at the next meal. Which, to be fair, is pretty often these days.

It sounds cruel, the way I talk about his escalating weight, his increasingly-indecent greed. I’m not trying to be mean. I just wish he’d consider how it might affect me. I have to live with him, and he’s starting to cramp my style. But it’s not like I can say anything. I just have to sit there in silence, while he eats and eats, grows and grows, piling on pound after excess pound. And the way he eats, moaning and licking and slurping… it’s downright pornographic.

250 starts to feel like a lowball as the months go by. He’s pushing me to my limits without even realizing it. I’ve never had to deal with a guy this fat before, a guy whose big, round bubble butt would hang over the side of even the most substantial chair. And I, personally, am not “substantial”. I’m pretty thin; it’s just how I was made. I thought Max was made that way, too.

I start trying to make my frustration known, but like I said, I can’t just come right out and say something. So I try a little subtlety; a small groan every now and then when he throws himself down at the dinner table for another round of hedonism. If he notices, he doesn’t care. He just keeps upping the ante.

And upping just about everything else: his pants size, his portion sizes, the size of his monster-truck ass and thunder thighs. They press together whenever he sits down, now, lard against blubber. Not like in the old days when his legs were lithe and lean. His moobs bulge against every tank top, his pudgy arms pack his sleeves, his love handles blossom over the top of every waistband like ripening tropical fruit.

In occasional moments of self-pity, I hazard a guess: how much does my man weigh now? 275 pounds? 300? Is he even trying to do something about it? Clearly not. He never works out anymore, unless you count working up a sweat over a third (or fourth, or fifth) slice of cheesecake. I honestly wonder if he’s doing it on purpose, just to spite me. Or test me. But I know that’s crazy—like I said, sometimes I truly doubt he even thinks about what it’s like for me.

But the problem is getting harder to ignore; he really throws his weight around these days. He heaves himself up off the couch. He rests a hand on the front of his bulging belly, barely restrained by some poor, threadbare top, back arching forward from the strain of it all (he’s not a tall guy, which makes his increasingly S-shaped silhouette even more pronounced). He trudges from the living room to the kitchen and drops himself in front of the table like an anvil. When he sits down, his ass, spilling out of some indecent pair of jean shorts, spreads out like lava blanketing some hapless Roman hamlet.

Some nights, I strain underneath him, feeling absolutely crushed by his sheer weight, boundless mass bearing down on me with the force of gravity. How big is he now? I wonder, as I listen to him moan and groan with pleasure. 325? 350? Could he really have gained over 200 pounds? How could he not realize what he’s doing to himself—what he’s doing to me?

He’s just so oblivious. I don’t even recognize him anymore. I’ve been starting to make noises about how uncomfortable I am, how much I’m struggling with his extra weight. But, as always, it falls on deaf ears. His tight little butt has become a pair of vast, ponderous globes, his abs and lats and obliques are encased in a spare tire that belongs on an 18-wheeler, his tits bulge out and dangle towards his armpits. And he just. Keeps. Going. 

Keeps eating. Keeps gaining. Keeps expanding.

Things reach a boiling point before dinner one night. I can see him piling up the table, unboxing some outrageous quantity of food for his secret nightly mukbang. Well, secret except for the consequences, which anyone with eyes could notice. “There’s a man who likes his food” would be such a trite, vapid observation that it doesn’t even need saying. He doesn’t just “like” his food, he lives for his food. Food is practically a part of Max’s identity at this point.

He’s starting to lower his colossal ass to sit, and I can tell this is it. Tonight’s the night. Fuck it, I’m done. He’s well past 350 pounds, and that’s too much weight for me to handle.

Maybe he’ll appreciate me more when I’m not around. Hejdå, Max, it was nice knowing you! At least, it used to be.

~

Max sat on the floor, rolls of fat still wobbling from the jarring motion of his fall. His chair had been complaining for a while now—squeaking and groaning every time he sat down—but he hadn’t expected it to actually break. What a load of bullshit! He wasn’t even that fat!

He looked around at the splintered wood, soreness radiating across his ass—and not in a fun, post-fucking kind of way. At least his buttocks were nicely-padded. When he was bony, a slip on the ice hurt like all hell.

He was glad he was alone, or this would have been super embarrassing. At least no one was around to see him smash that chair like a pro-wrestler in a grudge match. He knew he’d been overdoing it, but this wasn’t his fault. How could it be, surely he wasn’t that big? Just a little out of shape, in need of a few good workouts to shed some winter weight. It was just the cheap IKEA furniture he bought.

With a grunt, he started the process of heaving his monumental form to a stand. As he started to gather his momentum, he glanced at the ruined seat and frowned. He actually liked that chair. It was pretty comfortable.

At least, it used to be.

(Author’s Note: don’t forget to rotate your dining chairs!)

[freesidexjunkie]

okay I know some of yall might disagree but when Anders says that it was his anger that changed Justice, I think he's wrong

Justice says when you first bring him out of the Fade that being outside of the Fade for too long can warp a spirit into a demon. The physical world is too dynamic for such a single minded entity to remain so steadfast. We see this with wisdom being turned into pride, compassion being turned into fear... and justice. He starts off adamant he does not want to stay outside of the Fade, but he doesn't want to die either. And you can see the character changes in him over the course of Awakening. He even talks about how he can see why some spirits become demons in some of his party banter.

Justice has a sense that he is always right, because that is what he is supposed to be. Without a doubt, he embodies what is right and good. There is no question about this; as a being of the Fade, his nature is certain and unchanging. Anders, on the other hand, already believes he's in the wrong for his existence; it's all he has ever been told. He's a mage who wants to be free, he's selfish, he's immature, etc etc.

So, when Justice takes up residence in Anders' body and he is full of anger and vengeance, it's very natural for them both to believe it has to be the rebel mage's fault, not the lawful spirit, right?

Unless Justice has already been outside of the Fade for too long.

I don't think Anders warped Justice into Vengeance with his "dark thoughts" of "hating the templars." Anders is the one pleading with Justice to not kill the girl they're trying to save; Anders is the one holding back when Justice takes over and makes him black out; Anders is the one who is perfectly happy to just live his life freely without toppling the world order, before Justice.

I think Anders is the reason why Justice is Vengeance, but I think it's because Justice was already a long way down the path to becoming Rage. I think Anders' sense of right and helping people is the thing molding Justice into as close to a force for good as he could be now.

[blarrghe]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Spread the self-love ❤️

Hi and thank you! How nice :) Five favourites feels like a lot since I'm always deciding things are bad, actually, like a month after posting them. Don't do that, kids! Your writing is worth promoting still even if you have improved as an artist! Ehem. So, taking my own advice and a page from your book of picking these based on which ones were the most fun to write:

The Hunter, the Snake, and the Fox. ~60K words, Pavellan. It's so good. My first time posting a completed fic after having written all of it, it comes out on a regular schedule every Wednesday, or will do for the next three weeks! I'm almost done posting it and I think it's a really fun ride. Enemies-to-lovers canon-divergent Dragon Age Inquisition fic without the Inquisition. Dorian is a Magister, Taren First of his clan, they are thrown into an adventure together and have to slowly figure out how to get along (and manage their sexual tension ;)). It's also a tragedy and I'm really excited to break some more hearts, so go read it!

Strange Feelings in the Party Camp. 34K words, Zevran x Alistiar x Warden. This one is a sidebar romance within the events of Dragon Age Origins. Just a messy love-triangle-to-polyamory story, it's very sweet and they all figure it out eventually.

Matchsies. @onionjuggler YOU are the reason this monstrosity exists, thanks. I did eventually finish it! ~200K words, and there's a sequel. Pavellan. Modern tattoo-shop au slice-of-life complicated romance... thing. There's a lot of modern-with-magic worldbuilding and some beautiful relationship development stuff in this fic. I loved writing it, and I'm happy with the full final result, but I do look back on this one in embarrassment for how long the chapters got. Read it, but take breaks ;)

A Complicated Match. ~120K words, Pavellan. The Sequel to Matchsies. Rounds out the story in a nice happy ending, lots of great Dorian angst, Tevinter modern-with-Magic worldbuilding, slightly shorter chapters than its prequel. Really proud of them both.

Let's do something short and silly - I Hate You (and your little cat too.) ~4000 words, Fenders. Anders' cat escapes to his downstairs neighbour's balcony. His downstairs neighbour is Fenris.

[privatebooth]

All these talks about the new Dragon Age game are making me nostalgic.

I remember how when DA2 was being made there was so much hype, and I was not thrilled at all. Origins left such a strong impression on me, I hated the idea of moving on to something different. Change was always difficult for me to accept, any change. I know a lot of people didn't want to part with their wardens, there's nothing original in that, but...

I hated Hawke before he even came into existence. I only wanted to see more of my Warden and Zevran who turned my world upside down.

Instead, they made this new character who spoke and had a semblance of an actual personality which I couldn't even control!

Then Bioware started feeding us little snippets of the game, and I saw the grumpy little brother, obviously displeased with his life, which pretty much instantly endeared him to me, and I thought I could try playing this game just to make him smile. Also, I really liked Nicholas Boulton's voice, and didn't mind hearing more of him (my Warden was a city fem elf, so I thought working with him would be fun).

The demo came out when I more or less started to come to terms with the fact that I'll never see my warden again, but may still hear something about her, and I was desperate for something. I played with all combinations of classes and genders, absolutely hated the gameplay - still do, loved being a rogue in DAO, but here it makes me want to smash my keyboard - but was very happy to find that mages are much more fun to play now, since I wanted to have Carver in my team.

Okay, but I still hated Hawke. I didn't know anything about his story, didn't care to know, and I told him right away "You will fail". I really didn't want him to succed, there was no way he could ever compare to HOF, who solved every single problem, saved every single soul she could save, and befriended everyone she ever met. The icon of diplomacy and efficiency, with just enough arrogance to be lovable (cocky elf voice FTW!) I still miss her so much.

The good thing about not caring too much about this guy was that I actually allowed Hawke to be human. I didn't feel pressured to play the hero who must always make the right choice. He was allowed to make questionable decisions, to fail, it was expected of him. I didn't want a lousy wannabe superhero. Can't persuade that angry Dalish elf on Wounded coast? That's okay, Hawke, you're not the Warden - she definitely could have talked her down. A crowd of weary Fereldans protecting Anders? Carver, you go talk to them.

On and on, it became more apparent that Hawke's story would not be as glorious as the Warden's, and he won't be as much of a hero. He truly was just a guy who was trying to get by and take care of his family and friends. No ambition to fix the world and save everyone.

The Warden remains an unachievable ideal I can only dream of emulating.

Hawke... he is so much more relatable, and a lot closer to me than any Bioware char will ever be. I love him so much.

[immobiliter]

Merrill: How do you do it, living in the city without picking a side? Doesn't it matter to you? Varric: Of course it does. That's why I don't take sides. Merrill: That doesn't make any sense. Varric: I've got you and Aveline, Fenris and Anders. Hawke. Isabela. Varric: I've got friends in the Circle and drinking buddies in the templars. All of them matter. Merrill: But you're going to fight. If it comes to that, I mean. Varric: I fought my own brother, Daisy. Nobody said this was going to be a happy story. Cole: How do you make them calm? Varric: Who, Kid? Cole: Everyone. You talk and the fear fades, slipping to sleep. Not always happy, but not angry. Varric: Most people are like cats. They either puff up to look dangerous or they crouch down and hope you don't see them. You show them you're not a victim or threat, and they're in your lap and purring before you know it.

file this under things that i'm absolutely feral about when it comes to varric but i also think it's important to tie varric's empathy and incredible ability to connect to anyone, regardless of how high or low they are in society or their stance on kirkwall or wider southern thedas politics or their own personal beliefs to the fact that he is a writer. an integral part of writing is being able to empathise and put yourselves in the shoes of a character who is completely different to yourself, and I think the fact that varric is so naturally good at this is why he's such a popular writer — especially as a lot of his work ( from what actually exists not just in-universe, primarily hard in hightown since you can read the complete version of that through codex entries ) seems very character focused. flowery description is not varric's forte: as the chapter of hard in hightown he clearly wrote for isabela reads~

The Dragon's Jewels was a big boat. She liked big boats. The pointy bits towered majestically over the water. That roundish wooden part seemed like it could crush armadas beneath its… shit, I don't know, wood. It was the greatest boat in the history of boats.

and while I'm sure some of that results from varric being a city boy who prefers kirkwall over nature and ( as of da2 at least ) had likely never stepped foot on a boat in his life, i think he excels at writing characters and this is also why, therefore, he excels at reading people, reaching across the divide ( be it political opinion or simply differing life experiences ) and forging meaningful connections with others.

[feralkwe]

in an effort to not succumb to a potential panic attack, i will instead focus on some fandom nonsense! i've had a little influx of new follows, almost exclusively people i've seen in the ffxiv tags and watched from afar for awhile now, so maybe i should do a little intro post.

i'm feral kwe (kwe means woman in anishinaabemowin) but you may feel free to call me just b. just a tired, queer, indigenous lady who is an eldritch being in tumblr years (my original blog started in 2008 or 09) and gets a little too lost in the blorbo sauce. the fandom i'm currently most active in is ffxiv, but i dabble in good omens, mass effect, a couple of the gay vampire shows, and have been in and out of marvel fandom. i'm a dragon age old, my first online fandom and the one i went the most hard in up until now, so consider that a blanket warning for the upcoming months, since i'm not sure yet where i'll fall into it again. for the foreseeable future, i'm quite happy in my ffxiv brainrot, and will happily go on and on and on (and on and on) about my wol, kit hareington given even a breath of permission to do so.

i write fic! i'm feralkwe on ao3, and have the highlights marked in a pinned post. i write original work, too, and have even sold and published some. it's easy enough to find, so i won't link it here, but if you are curious and want to ask me about it, please do!

speaking of asks! my askholebox is always open and i welcome people to just drop in unannounced. consider this open provocation to do so! i don't have anon enabled, and likely never will. my life is better for it. 11/10 do recommend as a life choice.

i don't follow a lot of people. i keep the number artificially low for the sake of not having so much go by that i can't keep up. that said, i do try to check in on the blogs of people who follow me from time to time. i don't really make mutual/non-mutual distinctions. since i block with abandon for any multitude of reasons, if you're here at all i already love you. that said, if you follow @yamisnuffles or @icescrabblerjerky you are likely to see a lot of overlap. they're my ride or die lifelong besties and we exist in a state of mutual whimsy that can best be described as 'lol ilu'. do with that information what you will.

i try my best to use tags consistently for things i know need it. that said i do my best to stay out of active dragon age main tags, and do not use any of those in original posts. the most pertinent one, the one i was asked to tag the most, and the one i've had the longest is #and that's jenga, my personal anders tag. if you need something tagged, please ask, and i'll try my best to accommodate reasonable requests.

i probably haven't read your blog description. i probably did not notice if you have a dni. i assume if you're here that i don't fall under any umbrella you desperately do not want to engage with. i do not vet the blog of every poster i reblog. if you think i've done something harmful, please give me the benefit of the doubt that i did so unknowingly, and give me a chance to correct it. i'm human, and so are you. i just ask that we try to be excellent to each other.

i think that covers everything! if i missed anything, like i said, ask! or just come say hi and introduce yourself!

[storybookhawke]

consider: a Handers royalty+arranged marriage AU idea

Anders, the prince of his small nation, is a bastard child of the king. His mother is dead and gone, just a fling the king had, but the king took him in anyway, even as a bastard. His family treats him terribly, knowing he isn't 'real' royal blood like they are, often calling him a stain on the family's good stature. One day his father tells him “this will be the only thing you’re good for” and Anders learns he’s being sent to Hawke’s kingdom to be married to the prince there, so they can have a more formal exchange of [insert important resource] as Hawke's kingdom is more financially well off than Anders' is.

Hawke receives him and his little traveling party after a week long journey, and preparations are made for a wedding to have more stable ties between the two nations. Anders isn’t sure what to think of Hawke, doesn’t know what to think of him, but so far… it’s peaceful. No one is yelling at him. His father isn’t there to constantly berate him for existing. His step-siblings aren’t giving him shit. As long as Hawke doesn’t turn out to be abusive, he could deal with it, to achieve a little peace. Even if he was far from his homeland and what little friends he had, he could cope with it in exchange.

But then Hawke learns from an advisor that Anders isn’t a first born fully-royal child like they (the royal family) were promised in the transaction. Hawke is upset by this, because these were important things in the agreement between the two kingdoms. Anders not being what they thought he was will fuck up the deal and might even cause war.

But Anders stops Hawke before he tells his family, begs him not to send him home. He’ll do anything to stay, because being rejected and sent home might finally give his father an excuse to just get rid of him completely, since he serves no further use. He doesn't say all of that aloud, but it occurs to Hawke: why doesn’t Anders want to go back to his family? He was under the impression Anders wasn’t happy about the arrangement. Hawke figures out that Anders must have a horrible home life, and that something terrible might happen if he goes home because why else would he fear returning? What would happen to him if he did?

[lgvalenzuela]

Lonely bed

Dorian stretched looking at the candle next to him, he promised himself he would finally go to sleep when the wick was dying, using candles for this sort of thing, surely another habit he picked up during his time in the South.

He opened the case to his crystal again, some lucky nights he would hear him sing, sweet little lullabies he kept close to his heart, but this was not such a lucky night. It was too late for such matters anyway, he wouldn't pine like a maiden on a book, not when he had to catch Up on his beauty sleep. But sometimes he just had to catch up on work, maybe that way he'll be able to go to sleep every night to the arms of the man he loved (well…arm)

He flickered a flame into existence on the palm of his hand and finally blew the candle to rest. Walking to his lonely bed.

Or that's what he thought until he saw Leah, laying on a window frame…quietly crying, probably trying not to wake Kaira up. When she saw him she quickly got up with an apologetic bow she tugged her pajamas with shame:

"I'm sorry master Pavus I was just…"

"Such formalities we're not even on one of our lessons, or an event we need to save face in…" maybe he'd need to use some other night to catch up on that sleep of his "Follow me"

She did as she was told, quite the rebellious kind she was but not with him. She followed him to the kitchen where he lit the room and walked to get utensils, some black tea, milk, spices…

"Are you making-?" she started asking

"No, no, no, you go sit and we'll talk"

Once again she did as told, got a little comfortable and looked at her mentor as he made some tea for her. She chuckled slightly:

"You remind me of my zaza" she said with a little smile "They also did that for me when I was feeling moody"

"Oh do I? Well I'll take it as a compliment, Ryann is a good parent"

"Did you learn this from your mom too?"

"Well…more or less, I got it from my mother in law…my mother, she would make the sl- the servants do it, if at all…"

He placed the tea in front of her, and got some for himself too while they were at it:

"But we're not here to talk about me starlight, won't you tell me why you were crying your little heart out?"

"It's…it's really not important…"

"It's important to me"

She blew onto her cup pouting, she wanted to be strong, she really did, but her mentor already knew her way too well. Also he probably got tips from her parents:

"Last visit to Ferelden I noticed how big my sister was getting…and that I couldn't hold her anymore…" she said

"Go on"

"And I…realized I'm going to lose all of her life…and my brothers too…and…"

"And your parents…"

"On everything I knew before I came here…Ferelden seems more and more like a distant memory every time I go…and I recognize less and less of it…

And there's so much I miss…I miss the mountains, and the cold, and the snow…

And sometimes I just get like this…"

"I see"

"I know it's stupid"

"My dear do you really think I of all people will judge you for missing?" he fiddled with his wedding ring

"Sorry I didn't mean to-"

"Non taken starlight" he rested his face on his hand "So tell me, what do you want to do?"

"I…I just don't know! Because even though I miss it I don't want to leave! When I'm there I'm so happy to be with my family but I miss the hot, and the fruit and you and Kaira"

"Oh I'm honored" she pouted at him "Sorry, sorry, go on"

"I'm happy here, I want to keep studying, I want to make a place with you and the rest that won't hurt people like my uncle Fenris, or Aeryn, or Kaira anymore…"

"Yes…me too…And you starlight, are such a brilliant young lady, I know with the right education you'll be one of the best mages of your generation"

She blushed from her mentor's compliment and sipped on her tea:

"This is really good"

"Well thank you, Adaar family recipe" he winked and she giggled

She bounced her legs a bit:

"Sometimes…the letters are just not enough…and I'm sure it's like that for them too…"

He thought of Anders and Ryann Hawke, waiting anxiously for their daughter's letters, how they ran to her every time they went to Ferelden. And his mind went to Vaelaan, when he hunched down to let their daughter run straight into his chest so he could hold her, and their late night talks speaking of how much of their lives were passing by without each other.

And what to tell this little girl when he was much older than her and still as lost as she was? Was she still young enough to believe adults had all the answers? Was she old enough to learn that life isn't always fair?

He was circling back through these conflicts until she just hugged him, he hugged her back, still a little confused:

"Thank you…I needed to talk"

"Oh yes, of course" well maybe in a way he dodged a spell, raising kids was hard

"Can I sleep with you tonight?"

"I don't know…" she looked at him with puppy eyes "Agh, not that…well fine, but only because you're feeling blue"

"Okay I'll call Kaira"

"Wait wh-"

But she was already gone, ten minutes later he was sleeping (well, trying) with two girls, a cat and a mabari. He opened the case of his crystal one last time and left it on the table. Still no luck, no noise, no voice…but maybe he'd wake up to it and that was still a blessing.

As much as the family he had with him at times like that, when he felt like he was going to a lonely room, and a lonely bed.

[sweetmage]

garrett and Arbor Blessing :: What is the happiest ending you can think of for your character? from the DA OC asks?

Hi!! Thank you for the ask :D For Garrett, he'd love nothing more than to fade away into obscurity and no longer be the go to guy for cleaning up people's messes. If he's helping anyone, it would only be those who were actually in need, no more nobles or politicians or fairweather friends. More than that, he'd love to quit being acknowledged as a "respected" figure by the same people who would just as readily drag Anders's name through the mud for doing the very thing that allowed people like Hawke and other mages to keep existing in the first place. He also wants a space where Anders (and Justice, of course) can feel safe, loved, and respected, even if it's just the three of them alone and the occasional friend from abroad dropping in. But preferably if they have a community and aren't forced to hide parts of themselves or constantly look over their shoulders, that would be idea!

In general, there isn't a lot of things he particularly desires for his happy ending, there are mostly just a lot of stressful and painful things he wants cut out of his and Anders's life so that they can have peace. Beyond that, if he has a roof over his head, food in his belly, and a safe place to hold his beloved when they fall asleep at night then that's the most he's had in a long time and the most he could ever ask.

[greypetrel]

☮️ friendship headcanons for all! 💗

Hullo! :3

Thanks for asking!

Tis the prompt list

☮ - friendship headcanon

Alyra: She'll actively ask you about your special interest, about your life and hobbies. She'll make questions. For practical reasons -the better she knows you, the better she can assign tasks to you, the better she can provide for you- and just for sheer curiosity. It's not the easiest thing to enter in her good graces -and she will look at actions, not at words-, but after that... She's curious if she has an interest in one person, and pretty open minded. Her relationship with Leliana started the rockiest, she heard her presentation speech and was all but impressed. She started to make questions just to know what to make of "a nun with hallucinations" in the group. She ended up asking her to teach how to be a Bard, and they made friends.

Also, she's silly when you get to know her. She likes pub and singing together, she doesn't mind dancing, she has a dry (bordering on pitch-black) humour, she likes to joke. You just... Need to get high on her approval.

Raina: She will drag you in shenanigans and adventures. She has ideas about how exactly to spend a Saturday night, and if she likes you, you'll get invited and insisted upon coming. She's not exactly a person that's easy to say no to, she has charisma and a way with words. And indeed, there's never a dull moment around her, whatever she planned, it'll be up for some fun. Under the façade of sarcasm and recklessness, she is very sensible and she cares, so all introverts will be cherished too and won't get dragged any further than where they're willing to go. Any good karaoke night needs a clapping audience, after all, there's space for everyone and she will make it.

Also, she will know your chest measurement and knit you a bra with plush animals. Your gender doesn't matter, you will have a brossum. Cullen has one too, with lions (he'll die before admitting that he kept it).

Garrett: He's the one that will get an interest in knowing the favourite hobby of the person he has an interest with and either insist on doing it together if it's shared, or get the friend to teach him. He got taught by Merrill to forage and to use Blood Magic, Anders taught him Spirit Healing. Learnt quite some things about wines from Fenris (before he was a beer guy through and through, now he'll appreciate a good red. Will still say that champagne tastes like feet, tho). He shares with his sister the ability to involve and attract people, he's kinder and more easy-going than her. Raina will drag you out of your shell, he'll sit there with you until you're ready to come out yourself. But he will sit there. He ended up gaining quite some hobbies and a wide set of knowledges (after Act 3 he got away from Kirkwall with Isabela. You bet he knows, now, something of sailing).

Aisling: She has a strict and very precise schedule to hug all her friends. It's divided amongst those who need/accept a hug daily (Dorian, Josephine, Cole, Varric, Bull, Harding, Radha, Krem, Kieran, both Hawkes when they'll be in Skyhold), those who will accept one every other day (Cassandra, Leliana, Blackwall, Master Dennet, Lysette), those who needs one without a regularity or they will actively move to avoid it (Solas, Sera, Morrigan -yes she'll get hugs too-). She has a list of "Maybe, if the situation allows it" which is Vivienne -she hugged her after Bastien- and in canon Fenris when he got to Skyhold with Garrett ("I'd hug him but I'm pretty sure he'll skewer me"). It's a strict schedule she maintains thoroughly. It makes her feel better as well.

Radha: She's not for words of affirmation, but she'll tag along with you and just spend time together and exist in the same ecosystem. You like crocheting? She'll be sitting near you and read as you both go on with your hobby. If you want to chat she's there and she'll reply (she has little patience for small talk, but for deep conversations she's your person), but she's happy just in vibing together. She'll help out if you need, will offer help if she notices you need some, and she's very observant, chances are she'll pass you the next yarn before you notice the current one is finishing. She has a tendency to be overly brash when you ask for her opinion: if she doesn't like your partner, she will tell to your face to just dump them for X, Y and Z reason. She doesn't judge you if you don't, but you will know her opinion, in good or bad, if you ask for it (or if she's upset).

She looks detached, but really she enjoys physical touch greatly. She won't start it herself is she has not the highest possible confidence, but if you try it? It's always a yes. She's a great hugger. (She, Pavyn and Aisling all are good huggers)

[tsuraiwrites]

✨weekly(ish) fic roundup✨

another round of fics I found especially good reads, as @little--abyss​ and I were talking about secondary curation recently! please check these out and leave a comment and kudos for the wonderful authors.

Assassin’s Creed

The White Aster of Masyaf - alaïr ibn-la’ahad/desmond miles, nsfw complete

And, instead of dying after using the device back in the Grand Temple, Desmond now had first-row seat in the tragic play that was Altaïr’s life in the Levantine Brotherhood.

Oh. And he gets to play the part of the doomed younger brother of Malik Al-Sayf, Kadar Al-Sayf.

BNHA

Oracle - midoriya izuku/shinsou hitoshi wip

Midoriya Izuku always wanted to have a quirk, to be a hero, to make a change.

Until he realizes he did do all that once, a lifetime ago, and paid for it with his life.

(In which Izuku's quirk allows him to remember his past life and it becomes his driving force to become a hero and mend the mistakes of the people from his past.)

Death Note

no man is worth dying for - gen wip with self-insert amane misa

Would there be consequences? Yes. Was it selfish? Perhaps. Did she care? No, because she refuses to lay there motionlessly and let herself die for a man whose God-complex got out of control.

Amane Misa or not, voices in her head or not, she was doing this reincarnation thing her way.

Dragon Age

FIRE IN HER MOUTH - female inquisitor/cassandra pentaghast wip

Former Ostwick Mage Olivia comes from a life of disturbing secrets and devastating loss. Once the daughter of an up-and-coming Orlesian house, her abilities led to a life of ostracized irrelevance to both her nation and her family. Years later, tensions in Thedas between Mages and Andrastian Orders have come to a head. The perfect setting, it seems, for a corrupted Tevinter Magister to stake his claim of chaos. By virtue of rotten luck Olivia finds herself thrust in his path, imbuing her with magic beyond her imagination. Now, she must learn to balance her own hunger for justice with those of the world's most mistreated, as leader of the reborn Inquisition.

Ithelan - male lavellan/omc, oc-insert wip

A struggling college student finds himself dropped in a dungeon in the thick of all things Inquisition with no memory of how he got there.  Now he has pointed ears and too many tattoos and maybe has the chance to help.  He has no idea what he's doing but he loves Thedas, and maybe Thedas will love him too.

Lyrium Addled - anders/fenris soulbond wip

After a desperate healing attempt goes haywire, Anders and Fenris try to get to the bottom of what caused the chaotic reaction. Between the phantom pains from non-existent wounds, and the sudden concern for each other's safety, they find themselves with an abundance of questions and nobody to answer them.

Not Another Dragon Age FanFic (The Lone Wolf Cries) - male lavellan/solas wip

Kieran finds himself suddenly transported to Thedas, and vows to keep a close eye on the Dread Wolf to stop him from betraying them once again.

As he finds out, a 'close eye' unfortunately means actually being close - and it doesn't help that the game's timeline is changing, either.

Over the Sea to the Clouds Above - female cousland-as-inquisitor/leliana wip, an absolute delight to read so far

Because she loved her sister dearly, Niamh set aside her own happiness, watching from afar as Leliana fell for another. However, with Corypheus threatening to cast ruin upon the world, is it possible for her to reveal the truth of her own heart before it’s too late?

Sang a Lady Radiant - solas/ofc, male trevelyan/ofc, oc-insert wip

Ollie doesn't know why she ended up in Thedas, but she wants it to be a better world when she leaves, one way or another. She just has to figure out how to work around Solas and the Inquisition itself.

The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Ellana Lavellan, Mage. - solas/ofc, oc-insert wip

Sweat, blood, and tears. Literally years of preparation, and here she was, at the foot of the mountain path that led up to Haven, while an explosion shook the world and tore a hole into the Beyond.

"Fenedhis."

MCU

Adjustments - bucky barnes/tony stark wip

After the battle at the Triskelion, the Winter Soldier is taken into Avenger's custody and brought to New York.  Slowly the extent to which HYDRA had broken the soldier is revealed. Bucky Barnes' recovery will be long and arduous the outcome of which is uncertain.

With his parent's murderer living under his roof, Tony Stark faces an entirely different problem, one he intents to solve his way.

By fixing the broken soldier.

Naruto

bees don't buzz during an eclipse - gen wip

The thing is, the summoning jutsu isn’t actually that hard.

And little academy student Sakura, young and clanless and desperate to prove the world that she’s bigger than her forehead, is also friends with Ino, clan heir with connections to the Nara. She watches Shikaku summon a deer once, and an idea turns in her brain.

It’s not her fault nobody told her the technique wasn’t for pre-genin.

for the caged bird sings of freedom - gen wip

Hyuuga Hinata dies four years after the Fourth Shinobi War, to protect her Hokage.

She wakes up ten years in the past, the day before Graduation, the day before the spar that would seal her fate as the family disappointment and Hanabi's as the next Clan Head.

She makes changes.

One Piece

so much like stars - law/luffy/zoro complete

Stargazing and snow, festivals and dreams, and the quiet change in the dynamic between Law, Luffy, and Zoro during a few cold nights on the way to Zou.

The Sandman

a lucky break(out) - dream/hob gadling, complete

Hob acquires a familiar ruby at an antiquities sale. Said ruby summons something else into his home as well.

[reamous23]

The Blink

Here’s a link to my ongoing webserial, The Blink. And here's a back-of-the-book style summary of what the story's about:

After countless entry level jobs and aimless drifting through life, Ryan Anders abruptly leaves behind his apartment in Florida and accepts a position as a staff writer for the Honey Grove Herald in north Texas. For the first time in years, his life is moving toward something he wants. He is out of the rut. He is happy.  Then The Blink happens. In less than two minutes the Sun goes dark, plunging the world into eternal night. Nations fall to panic and chaos, fear and conspiracy theories become a new kind of gospel, and the cold winds of a permanent winter begin blowing. The world that once was exists no longer. With the help of a group of people in town, Ryan starts to think stayling alive might be nothing more than a matter of working together. But as the dropping temperatures show no sign of stopping, it becomes clear that a better plan will be needed if he wants to survive the coming winter and get to the bottom of the biggest story in human history.

Cool. So. I've never written a story summary before but hopefully that one didn't turn out too awful.

If you want more info about the serial, it's hard sci-fi (I know that sounds ridiculous given the premise but bare with me) and features POV shifts to various characters throughout the world. I'm terrible at outlining so even I don't entirely know where the story is going, but I think that's what makes this so fun. Most of the time, I'm just as surprised at how a chapter ends as you.

Definitely drop a comment on the Wordpress/Substack, send me an email, do some Tumblr thing, however you want to get in touch with me and let me know what you think. This story is far from a final draft of things and I'm open to any and all criticism and feedback.

New chapters post roughly every two weeks depending on my work schedule and general level of procrastination.

[contreparry]

Hello there and happy Friday!

Could I get a "Rubatosis: the unsettling awareness of your own heartbeat" for Fenris (or the character of your choosing!)?

Absolutely! Here’s some modern!Thedas Fenris for @dadrunkwriting !

Fenris hadn’t had a lover before.

He had a history, he couldn’t deny that. It was one he did not linger on. If he was given the opportunity to forget those years of his life he would be sorely tempted to take it. He wouldn’t, of course. His past made him who he was, and Fenris rather liked the man he was now. But a problem still remained: he hadn’t had a lover before.

Hook-ups were easy. Slip into a bed and slip out, fuck without any hard feelings and escape any complexities that arose from getting attached. Fenris found that he liked the casual, the simple, the fun elements of sex without commitments. But now that he found someone he wanted to commit to, sex became complicated for reasons he didn’t realize even existed before Anders.

How interesting that his life in Kirkwall divided into so many Befores and Afters: Before Isabela and After. Before Hawke and After. Before Varric, Before Sebastian, and now… now Before Anders. For example, Before Anders Fenris didn’t know the first thing about cats. After Anders he now knew the best way to drag a feather toy across the ground to entice Pounce into playing with him. He knew how to tempt Pounce into his cat carrier (a bite of canned tuna always lured him out). He looked forward to cat cuddles now. Before Anders Fenris would slip out of his partner’s beds and leave, all parties satisfied with the arrangement. But After Anders, now that they were sleeping together (more than once, twice, three times, a habit now), Fenris… lingered. Not too long, mind, but long enough to settle against Anders’ pliant warm body, long enough to leave an impression in the sheets and mattress. Then he would spirit himself away across the apartment, back to his own room and bed. There he’d lay back against his pillows, all too aware of his heartbeat as he tried to sleep and longed for the warmth Anders provided.

His heartbeat pounded in his ears even now, a deep drum that kept him awake and uncomfortable. Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud. His bed was cool, his body ached from earlier tonight when Anders bent him over and- and his heart was too loud! Fenris tossed the blankets aside, grabbed his own pillow, and before his common sense caught up with him he crossed the apartment once more and entered Anders’ bedroom.

Anders was asleep, or very near it, when Fenris cracked the door open. He slipped in like a shadow, set his pillow on the empty half of the bed, and clambered up to join Anders in slumber. The mattress dipped underneath his knees, and Anders stirred when Fenris slipped under the blankets.

“Mmmmmrrrmph?” Anders grumbled, turning in the bed to face Fenris, bleary-eyed and half asleep.

“Couldn’t sleep,” Fenris mumbled as he settled back into the divot he left behind only an hour before.

“Mmmm,” Anders acknowledged. “Your mattress sucks.” He raised an arm, inviting Fenris to approach, to curl up, to share-

Fenris shifted closer, dragging his pillow with him. “Some people like a firm mattress, Anders.”

“Firm like a rock,” Anders giggled, even when he pressed his lips against the top of Fenris’ head. “Night, silly.” Before Fenris could even formulate a reply Anders was gone, limp in his arms as he fell into a deep slumber. Fenris settled into bed, his eyes heavy and his heartbeat no longer drowning every other sound away. There it was in the background, but joined with Anders’ breathing and Pounce’s purring it was no longer overwhelming, no longer painful. Fenris shut his eyes and allowed himself a wide, private smile.

If this was what it was to have a lover, no wonder so many people wanted one.

[brothertodeath]

You will never know the true me

I am multifaceted

a broken mirror scattered across the ground

reflecting a fractured existence by the dozen

which is my true reflection?

which is the original?

questions I ask even myself

for the cracks formed before even I know

perhaps it's one of the many missing pieces

of this mirror I assume once was whole

because people are not born broken

are they?

is to be broken a curse that runs within my veins

born of the broken who was born of the broken

a trail of glass lays behind me

was I doomed from the beginning?

the one thing I wish to break

the one thing that is unbreakable

this vicious cycle of losing yourself to the trauma of life

I look at this sad pile of pain on the floor

and all I see are lies

personas look back at me

the people I pretend to be to make everyone happy

Nylon, Anders, Crow, Dirk, a name I will never share-

the list is endless but I do not exist on it

where is the little girl who could not sleep

where is the little girl who had to call the police

where is the little girl who witnessed such horrible things

where is her piece?

I know it was here once

the blood still stains the ground

did the winds of time claim her

or did she never leave that house

you will never know the true me

I will never know the true me

I lost her long ago

to the trauma of life

and now all I have are lies

so enjoy the smiling quirky guy

who writes poetry

and likes to over analyse

he's broken by a past

he can't remember he had

but please do not take him like her

because he's all I have

[lothrilzul]

Funny how most of my predecided plans fail once I start listening to characters, and once I allow my PC to settle on a personality after their first few interactions.

Emerencia Cousland was a warrior, because I figured it'd easier to watch out for the tank if I was the tank. Having a heal mage is nice, of course, but I can chug potions too. She was eager to get fighting, just shy of her 18th birthday. She was hushed to stay and keep Highever. She was discouraged from even speaking to Duncan. She was urged to find a husband be a good wife. She didn't want to marry a nobleman. She hated Rendon Howe from the moment I laid eyes upon his face, and wasn't particularly fond of any other one, either. She was polite, but kept her distance.

And then everything went to shit. Her dear father and her brave mother died, her brother lost and she was forced to flee. And than Duncan saved her. Or so I thought. She was eager to join, because she had nothing to lose. After the Joining, which was a disaster, she felt betrayed. And if that wasn't enough, she was made public enemy number one for trying to do the right thing. But she couldn't get answer from Duncan anymore. She couldn't turn to Alistair, because he was barely any more experienced. She stumbled into the most haphazard band of misfits and befriended most of them. All she ever wanted was a peaceful life, where everyone could tolerate ther others and problems could be solved through words first.

Thrn, her past acquaintance with Alistair evolved into friendship, then interest, then love. She knew it would have the potential to hurt both of them, and so must he, yet neither of them stopped.

I always replied what I thought fit her mindset. This lead to Alistair remain unhardened, and thus not wanting to be King. So she didn't make him. He was on the fence, she could've push him either way, but she only wanted him to be happy. So I kept Alistair a Warden, despite I started a Couslanf so I had a chance at all to be Queen. Then I throw it away. Was it a good choice? Perhaps not, because this will mean I'll see Alistair again in that quest.

Then, Alma Hawke. How do I unpack her? I made a rogue, because I wanted to open the locks myself. In all honestly, I still entertainrd the thought of a Fenris romance but that would mean either making Fenris OR Emerencia grieve later and I didn't want that on him, so I jumped on the first time he declined my interest and called the matter finished. Which left me with my original, more tragic intention. I made a purple, pro-mage Hawke and relentlessly teased the apostate. I befriended him before Act 1 wrapped up.

And then that ominous kiss scene happened. I'm not gonna lie, I love a vocal man. I love touch starved man. And I love two idiots against the world relationships. So I dug myself deep, deep into Handers pit.

I originally planned to have them break up or have her kill him, but the more they interacted, the more I saw everything unfold, the less and less control I had. I said to myself ig Hawke feels it was anything personal she will act like it. And it was nothing like that.

So I spared him, saved the mages and they are supposedly on the run together.

Which is bad, because now I have choose between sacrificing Alistair and taking the last thing that keeps any light in Emerencia or sacrifice Alma, and let Anders loose with the possibly most devastating reaction any DA2 LIs could have.

And there's also the very much existing friendship between Emerencia and Anders. Either of them loses their other half, the other would feel bad about it.

I briefly considered leaving Alistair there and my cognitive functions shut down. There's no way I'd do that.

So, Emerencia will have a very bad timr trying to console Anders, and then trying to shelter him and possibly stop him from doing any harm, himself included.

Then, I was halfway finishing my Trevelyan when Kiddo reminded me I promised to make an elf. So, I backtracked, made a Lavellan anf named her Tünde. That's a valid Hungarian name, equivalent of Fay, used for elves in fantasy translations. Oh, and she's a mage.

There's no way I romance Cullen after that. I don't need another layer to this rollercoaster. Can you imagine the added bonus to all this package? No, let's stick to something of the original plan by going yet again for the Warden.

Or go Egg. That's a tragedy on its own.

[apoombeam]

Hello poompoom (Not sure what to call you, a-poom-beam?)

Thanks so much for the update! And please don’t feel bad if it’s not as long as you would like, you give this for free and without payback. I’m the anon who asked about Mickey and when you replied and then later posted that chapter I was so happy!! Whenever I needed a break or felt overwhelmed I sought shelter in your stories, Anders and Keir are comfort characters at this point. And I know you didn’t do it for me specifically but it still felt so nice and gratifying, it’s also satisfying when other readers show engagement and share their POVs! Your writing has such a lightness and silliness about it, like you don’t take your characters and plot too seriously and come up with the funniest sentences, I love that. The way you made James answer his phone made me snort out loud, it‘s moments like that where I think to myself: “How do you come up with that?!?” And it fits perfectly. Your writing just has the It-factor for me.

P.S.: Theres joy in small things, like a new chapter or a sunny day, and I know (I know) it’s difficult and feels wrong to look there when darkness dominates but it ALL exists and you ARE allowed to feel joyful, even in moments of heaviness. Even when there’s others who can’t. (We are strangers but you don’t strike me as the narcissist/sociopath type who should practice the opposite of this) And this comes not from a place of sheltered ignorance but lived experience and survival. It’s NOT selfish to refill your well. And while it’s true that we consider peace a privilege, we are MEANT to live! Are meant to live and take joy in life! It keeps our hearts healthy and full, so that we can go out in the world and do good for others. This is not meant as disregard for the important topics, but an attempt to soothe a guilty conscience; we NEED to nurture our peace first before we can nurture it elsewhere. Hope you (and anyone reading this) see where I am coming from.

Take care x

Call me whatever you want! I took "apoom" from the word for "yawn" in Korean, which is actually "hapum" haha. No special meaning behind it, I just think it's a cute word.

Thank you so much for your kind words, you have no idea how happy it makes me! As for how I come up with things, it's actually not so hard now that I have a good grasp of the characters. The only one who is still mysterious to me is Anders. Which is why I always avoid writing from his POV. I wonder what's happening in his mind?

And wow! YOU need to be a writer! If you aren't already. Thank you so much for your ending message. I think I really needed to hear it, and I'm sure a lot of others do too.

Please take care, and thank you for brightening my day!!!