#—their ideas so if i’m not fully confident a blog would be okay w/ me elaborating on a drabble they posted i will not do so

[katasstrophy]

HOHOHO saw that idea n had some thoughts (rubs hands like im using hand sanitizer)

ok BBBUT imagine how mean sae wld be once u cum all over shidous face muehehehe he’d pretend to be disgusted n be like “u actually enjoyed that? looks like our angel here is filthier than they let on.” n then after one of them fucks u properly, he forces u to get down on ur knees n suck the cum off of their cocks bc ur just “so dirty” sae wants u to clean him n shidou up

also imagine how lewd fucking after shidou made a mess out of u wld sound . shidou pounding into you while sae shuts u up so he can properly hear the wet sounds of sex 🤭

anon!!!!!!😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 i’m SOOOO glad i instinctively knew that HOHOHO was horny in nature and didn’t open this absolute FILTH during my lecture bc the visceral whole body reaction i had to this would have outed me as a WHORE to like 200+ people who think im Kind Of Normal asksjbdbrkfkd i can’t i really can’t ITS BARELY EVEN NOON PLSSSS

sae’s so possessive but then. our angel????? 🥹🥹 im crying n not just from my eyes. s - shutting u up so they can hear how messed up u are for them and them only<3 gripping the bed frame as we speak

@r-oronoa you might want to see this bc river.exe has officially stopped performing basic brain functions HEELLLPPPPPP

also apollo pls let me know if you’d rather i not tag u!!

[tillthelandslide]

Jersey Love (Part 3) : Life With You is a Walk in the Park

Authors Note: Ah! Part 3 is here and I hope you all like it, I have to see part 4 and 5 are my favourite parts so far so I hope you are all as excited as I am :). I really hope you like it, I appreciate any feedback.

Tag List:  @harrysthiccthighss @thereisa8ella @magdelen69 @henrythickcavill @hc-geralt-23 @kissthatlifeaway @darkbooksarwin @august-w-princess @speakerforthedead0 @pixie1484 @constip8merm8 @tigerbroadwaybaby @agniavateira @summersong69 @aestheticallywinchester @stephartrave @al-wiisa​ @henrycavillfanpage​ @intenselikes​ @anat2507​ @ellixthea​ @aguspalazzo​ @1ookatthestars00​ @wintersoldierslut​ @michelehansel​   @cavill-sass​​

(if you would like to be added to my tag list, feel free to message me,   if you are new to my blog then I post Henry Cavill fanfics and make  Henry Cavill fake Instagram posts, my requests are open so feel free to  request anything  and I will try my best to make your vision come to  life)    

Part 1

Part 2

The next morning you woke up early, feeding your cats, making yourself a healthy breakfast all before hopping in the shower. You washed your hair with your favourite shampoo and conditioner, you then shaved and washed your body, cleaning your face with an exfoliating gel. You turned the shower off, wrapping your hair in a towel and drying your body, you walked to your bedroom, humming as you went. You chose to wear some comfortable workout clothes as you were going on a walk, before drying your hair. You put on some moisturiser before curling your long eyelashes, you were comfortable not wearing any makeup so decided against it, you brushed your hair up and put it out of your face into a high ponytail, the usual strands fell in front of your face so you decided to curl them with your tongs. You put on your shoes and packed a bag with some water, a jumper, your phone, keys and purse.

A little while later you heard your doorbell ring so you walked to the door. You opened the door seeing Henry standing there in workout shorts and a tank top, you had no idea how he wasn't cold. He was holding a lead which was attached to a gorgeous American Akitta.

"Hey handsome" you said, making him smirk at you.

"Hi, are you talking to me or Kal?" which made you laugh, he then leant forward to kiss you before speaking again. "the cats aren't here are they? Wouldn't want Kal chasing after them" he said making you chuckle.

"They left." you said, kneeling down to greet Kal. "Hey buddy. Oh my god, you're gorgeous" you said, massaging behind the big dog's ears making him pant at you.

"Seems like he likes you already" Henry said looking down at you, your eyes met briefly before you looked back at Kal.

"Are you excited?" you said, holding your palm out to him to which he placed his paw in yours. You swooned at him, he truly was the cutest dog. You stood up and smiled widely at Henry, leaning forward to kiss him again, you just couldn't help it.

"Ready?" he said, making you nod, you took your keys off the table by your front door, and grabbed your backpack from underneath it, placing it on your back. You closed the door behind the both of you, locking it securely.

"The place I'm taking you to is about a 15 minute drive from here" he said leading you to his car, he walked to your side first, opening the car door for you and sharing "my lady" which made you chuckle.

"Thank you kind sir, I think that deserves a kiss" you joked along with him, placing a peck against his cheek. You sat down in the seat as Henry opened the back door for Kal.

"Go on Kal" he said to the dog who was stubbornly not getting in.

"Sorry, he usually sits at the front with me" he said, making you chuckle.

"Let him sit here then" you said, opening your door and calling Kal, who came and sat on your lap straight away. You closed the door and Henry walked to the driver's seat.

"Are you sure that's okay? He's a big dog" he said making you pet Kal.

"He's fine." you said, making Henry shrug as he turned the engine on. 

His hands rested against the steering wheel, running along it making you gulp. He looked over at you.

“Like what you did here” he said gesturing to the pieces of hair you left in front of your face.

“Couldn’t get them in the ponytail, they’re stubborn” you said, tucking one behind your ear making Henry pout, he wanted to do it.

“You look beautiful as always darling” he said, beginning to drive.

“You’re too kind” you said, blushing a deep red.

“Just telling the truth,” he said, shrugging. You thought back to when you first met, he was a nervous wreck and you were the confident one, well now that had changed, every word he said made you blush, sure you had your moments and they surprise him but for the most part you were the nervous wreck. He still had a confident demeanor, even when you complimented him. The drive was quite short and the nearer you got the more excited Kal got in your lap. He was fidgeting loads and kicking your face excitedly making you giggle which made Henry's face ache with how much he was smiling.

"Kal calm down" you said, to which he listened straight away, much to Henry's surprise.

"Surprised that worked" he said, his eyebrows furrowing as the corners of his lips folded downwards.

"Just need to be dominant, you know? Assertive" you said making Henry gulp.

"You know a lot about being dominant then?" he said jokingly.

"You'll have to wait and find out" you teased, making him cough to clear his throat. You looked out of the window smirking to yourself, Henry looked at you and shook his head. You really were full of surprises he thought. 

A little while later, Henry pulled up next to another car in a small parking lot. He undid his seat belt and got out, running to your side of the car to open your door for you, Kal instantly jumped out and up at him, Henry quickly grabbing his lead, knowing the dog well and knowing he would run away out of excitement. He held his hand out for you to take, which you did, getting helped out of the car. You looked in front of you at the beautiful site, beautiful shades of green as far as the eye could see, the sky a bright shade of blue. You took your backpack from the car, closing the door behind you.

Henry grabbed Kal's lead before holding your hand again, beginning to walk with you.

"What was it like growing up being the only girl? And the youngest" he said, looking at you as you walked.

"I actually enjoyed having 3 brothers, felt like it made me who I am today. I wasn’t afraid to do things that were seen to be boyish, I really didn't care, I grew up doing the girly stuff but joining in with my brothers too, it was nice. Felt like I had the best of both worlds" you said, making him nod.

"How was it for you? 4 brothers is a lot" you said, to which he chuckled.

"We joked around a lot. Still do. They're my role models honestly, they really are the true superheroes. We still mess around and tease each other which is nice" he said, glad you were both opening up to one another.

"Was your parents split hard on you?" he asked.

"Um, I was very young so I don't think I fully understood what was going on. The split itself wasn't too hard, what was hard was my eldest brother tried taking my dad's role and I didn't really like that. I always felt like a martian in my family, I was the only girl so got treated differently because of that, and I was the youngest. We got closer as we grew up, we all found our place within the family. The two brothers who are closest  to my age, are my best friends. And my oldest brother, I love him a lot, sure we never used to get along but I now see the position he was in must have been so hard so I really respect him for that" you said, Henry's fingers were absent-mindedly running against the back of your hand making you smile to yourself.

"What made you want to become an actor?" you said, the both of you stopping for a minute because Kal was sniffing around.

"When I was at boarding school I got teased and bullied by the other kids. But then I started acting in the school plays and I just felt comfortable, felt like they couldn't bully me because I wasn't me, I was playing someone else, embodying someone else" he said making you frown at the fact he was bullied.

"They used to call me fat Cavill." he said laughing."That's so nasty" you replied, making him shrug.

"It was an accurate term, I was indeed a Cavill and I was kind of fat, it's just sad because they were probably getting bullied too, and by someone far more malicious then a school kid. I just find it funny now" he said.

"Yeah, because you've come so far. Look at you now, I mean c'mon. You're this amazing, kind and talented guy, everybody knows, wants to know you or wants to be you. And you're good looking so that helps. And on top of all of that, you’re so humble about all of it" you said, nudging your shoulder against his. He thought it was sweet how you were trying to cover up the fact you were being serious, trying to lighten the situation.

"Thank you" he said, offering you a sweet smile as he brought your hand up to his lips.

"This is lovely" you said looking out at the skyline.

"So, I know it's your birthday party next week but when's your actual birthday?" he asked.

“The 21st of November” you replied, making him smile.

“Do you have any plans?” he asked politely.

“My mum has organised this family thing at her and her partners house, my brothers will be visiting for the day” you said, excitedly, you hadn’t seen them in a while and was beyond excited.

“That sounds amazing, I’m sure you’re looking forward to seeing them.” he said, making you nod in reply.

“I really am, I haven’t seen them in what seems like forever, they’re my best friends” you said, smiling at all the great memories that came into your mind. Henry smiled back at you, wow this girl...she’s so cute he thought, pulling you tightly into his chest for a hug. You wrapped your arms around his waist as he rested around your shoulders, you chuckled when you heard Kal huff and soon after you felt his head nudging the back of your legs. You looked up to Henry whose hand came to rest against your jaw as he placed a sweet kiss against your lips.

You really wanted to invite Henry to your birthday celebrations with your family but were scared it was too soon.

“You really don’t have to come to my birthday bash if you don’t want to. I would understand, I know it might be a little overwhelming, with all my friends there. Wow I’m really not selling this am I?” you said, physically cringing that you called it that again.

“It’s okay, I want to be there”

“I told you yesterday, I want to be a part of your life, your world… So I want to meet your friends… Besides we have to celebrate your birthday” he said, holding your hand as he spoke.“Okay, but be warned my friends can be really crazy and they like to go all out, like suits, dresses, champagne all out” you smiled.

“Sounds amazing, I’ll be sure to wear a suit” he said.

“I’m sure you’ll look dashing” you said, continuing walking hand in hand with Henry, Kal walking ahead of you.

“Do you get along with everyone at work?” Henry asks politely.

“Yeah, I do. I’ve made my closest friends through work, the guys you saw at the pub, they’re the best” you said, making Henry smile.

“They all seemed nice. You’re quite close with Lewis right?” Henry said.

“Yeah, he’s my best friend, him and Amy. You should know that when I first joined Durrell he asked me out on a date” you said, slightly laughing, looking at Henry who nodded.

“I don’t blame him, you’re amazing. What happened there then, he’s an attractive guy, no?” Henry asked. You appreciated that he wasn’t protective and it didn’t bother him. Henry did get a little bit jealous at the thought of this but then reminded himself that you were just friends so there was nothing to worry about, something must have happened.

“We went on one date and there was no spark there, we got along really well, but I dunno… it felt like he was just another one of my brothers” you said laughing “he still is affectionate but he’s honestly like that with everyone” you said hoping to ease any doubts Henry may have had, even he didn’t show it.

“That’s nice though, nice you have someone like that in your life” Henry said making you smile widely at how understanding he was. You started to slow down and Kal began to tug on the lead making you laugh, he looked back at the both of you, huffing and tugging the lead.

“Pass me the lead for a second” you said, making Henry furrow his eyebrows before handing it over. You held it in your hand and began running, Kal getting very excited and running with you, you laughed as you did so making Henry jog after you, laughing at how cute the both of you were. If Kal likes her then that must be a good sign he thought.

You caught up to Kal and he jumped up at you excitedly.

“Yeah, you’re excited aren’t you big boy?” you said, ruffling the fur on his head making him look up at you, his mouth moving into a big smile.

“You’re really good with him.” Henry said, catching up to the both of you, his hand landing on your lower back as he stood over Kal.

“You like her huh?” Henry said, petting his head and he swore he nodded at him, making the both of you laugh again.

“Me too buddy” Henry replied, looking at you, making you smile and lean forward into him slightly. He kissed your head and took your hand in his again, walking again, the lead now in your hand, Kal walking by your side which made Henry smile widely.

“Do you take him everywhere with you?” you asked, making Henry nod.

“Yeah… he’s my best friend, my companion” he replied looking down at Kal and shaking his head, a smile on his face.

“How does he cope with travelling?”  you asked, petting Kal’s head. Henry began absent-mindedly swinging your hands back and forth, making you want to giggle at how cute it was, you were shocked that such a simple gesture had you wanting to smother him in kisses. 

“He’s okay with it, mostly just sleeps on me the whole time” he said, chuckling. You walked for a while longer, talking about lots of things, stopping when Kal wanted to rest. About an hour later you decided to sit down together to eat some food.

“What do you brothers do for a living?” Henry asked, eating a sandwich, Kal resting on his thigh, his big eyes flicking up to Henry, hoping to get some of his food.

“My eldest brother Shaun, he owns his own plumbing business, then Glenn works for Mind, the mental health charity, is the head of the digital team and then Harry manages a history museum” you said, running through your brothers by age.

“Wow, impressive family” he said, smiling.

“Yours?” you asked.

“Piers is a former army officer, Nick is a major in the Royal Marines, Simon works in financial services and Charlie works in marketing” he said proudly.

“Now that’s impressive, and your parents?” you said, wanting to get to know everything about him.

“My Dad served in the Navy and then a stockbroker, and my mum… she was amazing, is amazing, she took care of us for years and then worked as a secretary in a bank” he said, you loved hearing him talk about his family, you could tell how proud he was of them and how much he loved them.

“How about yours? You said your mum is retired now?” he asked.

“Yeah, she looked after us for years, in between jobs in childcare for years and then started working for the MET police in London. Then she met her partner and a few years later they retired here. My dad is retired too now, he owned the business my brother now owns” you said making Henry smile, he too could tell how important your family was to you.

You then spoke about what it was like to become an actor when his brothers had done something so different, his favourite things (including Salted Caramel cake, red velvet cake, rugby, Guinness, gaming and fantasy books).

“I appreciate this. Haven’t really spoken to people about this kind of stuff” he said, holding your hand.

“I just want to know everything there is to know about you” you said, you had both finished eating and Henry pulled you into his lap making you giggle, leaning into him, his hand grasping your waist making you sigh, the smallest amount of attention had you responding to him and he loved it.

“Then you should probably know I’m crazy about you” he said, it seemed like madness to you, you hadn’t known him that long but fel exactly the same way.

“I know” you said, making him laugh and kiss you gently.

“I’m crazy about you too Hen, it's scary” you mumbled against his lips.

“What are you scared of?” he asked, his lips moving against yours again.

“Falling” you answered honestly. He pulled away from you, smiling sweetly at you, his forehead resting against yours for a few seconds before he placed a kiss to it.

“I think that’s the point love” he said, laughing at you, making you pout for jokingly teasing you.

“I promise I’ll catch you” he said and you could tell he cringed at his words “sorry that was cringy” he said making you shake your head ‘no’ and place a firm kiss to his lips.

“It was perfect, tad cringe but it's fine” you said, laughing. You stood up from his lap, sticking your hand up for him to take, you pulled him up easily making his eyebrows raise.

“Ooo look at you, very strong” he jested, making him shove him lightly

“Haha, come on love” he said, the both of you began walking, Kal following behind you, his lead in Henry’s hand. 

“Back to work tomorrow?” he asked, making you sigh.

“Yeah” you said, you thoroughly enjoyed your job but it was tiring.

“Then off for the weekend, got a movie night tomorrow evening with Jess and then my friends are dragging me to a karaoke night on Saturday” you said, making Henry smile.

“Would you like to join us?” you said, he looked at you and nodded, he wanted to spend as much time with you as possible.

“For both?” he said, making you nod.

“Of course, you can properly get to know my friends before my birthday and Jess would love to have you there for the movie night, I’ll ask her first, don't want her hyperventilating on us” you said, the both of you laughing.

“Good idea”

“Be warned though, she’ll probably want to watch one of your films. Well maybe not if you were there” you said laughing.

“I don’t mind that, I’m up for anything” he said, making you smirk .

“Anything aye?” you joked, poking him the ribs making him laugh and squirm away from you. 

“Her favourite film is Man of Steel but I doubt she'll want to watch it again, she texted me after she finished work yesterday saying she went home and watched it” you said, Henry smiling at you.

You carried on walking, nearly back at the carpark when you heard a rumble above you, suddenly rain started falling rapidly making you and Henry gasp and run to the car. You finally made it, all three of you totally soaked. Henry paused just before the car, pulling you flush against him.

“I’ve always wanted to kiss someone in the rain, would you do me the honor?” he said, making you nod, you both leant in slowly, you didn’t care that you were getting soaked, or that you would both probably feel a bit ill tomorrow, all that mattered was Henry, his lips moving closer and closer to yours until they merged with yours. You never believed in fireworks before, but in that moment, you swore they existed, maybe it was that you were truly falling for this man, maybe that it was the perfect moment, something from a movie screen. You didn’t know what it was but you knew you loved it.

“Wow, that is different from the movies” he joked “much better than the movies actually, cold though” he said making you nod and run into the car.

“Where the hell did that come from?” he said as you both got into the car, making the both of you laugh.

“Typical of the UK” you said, making him nod. The only positive was that because it was a clear day, a rainbow appeared. Kal was now sitting in the back, shaking himself to try to get dry which in the process managed to get you and Henry more wet.

“I’ll drive you home.” he said, nodding to himself and turning on the engine.

“Sorry our day got cut short” you said, making him reach out and hold your hand.

“Ended it perfectly though yeah?” he said, glancing at him.

“Perfectly”

Part 4

[self-ships-ahoy]

Demeter, Apollo, and Thalia with medic?

Greek Mythology Self Ship Asks

Thank you so much...T^T

Demeter: What’s your favorite season, and how do you like to spend that season together?

Oh I never thought about that before? Well, my favorite season is Fall, cuz A: the weather, B: the aesthetic/feel, and C: ....my birthday. XD Personally that’s when I find walks around town to be the most pleasant, the air cool and crisp, the colors of the leaves decorating the sky and the ground. Lots of nice seasonal foods come out that time of year too, and I love buying them to share with him. Oh, and the harvest festival, that’s a must. -u-

I think his favorite season might be either Winter or Fall. Winters really remind him of home, when it snows. He comes of as a guy who can really tolerate the cold too, so you can find him enjoying himself in the snow. Sometimes a fresh snowfall can really bring out the child in him, and he’s invited me to make realistic-looking snowmen with him a few times. I accepted once, and I helped him do a snow-autopsy to solve a snow-homicide. Got some police tape and everything. I....don’t know where we got it from.  Actually, I hate the cold. Fortunately, he takes great pleasure in nurturing me so I stay comfy. He’s given me his lab coat many times (even if I’m already wearing one-- sometimes it’s not enough), and he’ll sometimes envelop me in it while he’s still wearing it (thanks @sketchyships XD). He makes a mean hot chocolate too!. But the best part is the cuddles.

Apollo: What do you like best about your f/o(s)? What does your f/o(s) like best about you?

What do I like best about Medic......I like his spirit. I like that unbridled passion he gets for science (though sometimes misplaced XD), the confidence he has in himself (though often too high XD).... Okay, honestly, I also like the checks and balances of his attributes and flaws, which mostly seem to come from the same traits. That’s very realistic, that a trait may be both a positive and negative, depending on how it’s expressed. I like his infectious laugh that cures sadness - no joke, it has healing properties. I like his subtle hints of kindness he shows to his team, like he actually calls them his friends! 

And...I love, love how considerate and respectful he treats me. I love how he cherishes me. That passion he has for his trade? He has that for me. Do you know how that feels? To be treated like I’m this man’s world? To be listened to, and supported, and fully accepted in all my neurodivergent ways? To see him actually treat my requests and opinions like they matter, and even adjust his behavior to make me feel more comfortable? Coming from him, it’s like...like I’m a queen or something! I feel like his queen!

What he likes best about me? Well, going off that one imagine that I sourced, he likes my support and understanding. That I don’t treat him like he’s “nuts or crazy”. I embrace his eccentricities (within reason X3), and I’m sure he’s flattered by how enamored I seem to be with his whole being. Cuz guess what. He’s captivated by the entire concept of my existence. How could a woman so kind, so cute and quirky, so complimenting to his own personality, so filled with purity and beauty, possibly exist? How could he be so lucky as to find her by chance? And I’ll tell you this. After all the trials we’ve been through, from our jobs to our mental handicaps, and seeing how I haven’t abandoned him, he’s been convinced I’m The One for a very long time.

Also, my hugs and kisses are A+. -u-

Thalia: Discuss any fluff ideas you have for your ship. What kind of affectionate or sweet scenarios do you like best for this ship?

M’kay. He’s an acts of service man. I’m a words of affirmation woman. But I love when we get physically affectionate. Let me tell you this now, do not listen to stereotypes, this German man can be very affectionate and sweet. You’ve seen how openly expressive he can be! You know that’s gotta extend to things like cuddles and kisses. The way we laugh together when we get secretly cute away from the cameras. >w< I really didn’t think a relationship with him would be this cute at first, but it totally can be. 

It’s been pretty much unanimously decided by the x reader blogs that he is a great dancer and that he will frequently pull me into a dance right in the lab. His responses to physical affection varies by blog, though, so I might just say it depends on his mood. Some days he just doesn’t want to be touched, but other days he can’t pull himself away from me. Cuddle days. -u- Sometimes, he’ll just be so caught up in how he’s feeling, I can hear him quietly giggling to himself. I won’t out him for it though, it’s nice to hear. X3 Also, he has caught me staring at him, so yeah we both have our things. 

[iwouldfuckdarkiplier]

I will make this painfully simple. Mark, Sean, and Minors browse the tags you are using to spresd your demonic, sinful messages. Mark specifically asks us not to make nsfw content regarding him or his egos. I have reached out to some of tbose off anon on this blog to try and talk some sense into you. Your 'community' is only spreading problems. Calm yourselves.

Okay. This one is on one of Mark’s egos. I really got this one. We want to make things “painfully simple”? Okay.

I’ve watched Mark since his first FNAF video. I’ve been a huge fan of his since then. His videos are cool, yeah. But he is also the reason I’ve kept going. He’s the reason I’ve ever had the confidence to do anything I’ve done creatively. He’s the reason I’m still alive, because he posted his “Watch This Video When You’re Feeling Down” at a time when I was debating suicide nearly every single day. Mark has been my biggest inspiration in my entire life. I can’t think of anyone that has inspired me to do what I love and what I need more than he has. So the fact that you would imply that I’m going against what he explicitly asked in order to spread my “demonic, sinful messages” is honestly infuriating. So I’m going to lay out a few things for you right now.

1. Mark has expressed that he dislikes N/S/F/W content concerning himself, or himself/his friends (Septiplier, for example, which you will never find us posting content of for that exact reason). He has never stated that he’s not okay with N/S/F/W content of his egos. He has, however,

Made a nude calendar of him and his egos (again, I respect the fact that he doesn’t like content made of himself, and I therefore will never post it, create it, or personally read it, as it makes me quite uncomfortable as well)

Taken ideas specifically from the fandom thirsting over one of his egos (white suit Dark)

Talked on stream about how he fully supports people loving/thirsting over his egos (Explicitly making comments about Yancy/Illinois liking us, and joking about the “DADDY DARKY” thing)

Um... U n u s   A n n u s . That is all.

The only thing I’m aware of Mark saying is that he doesn’t want N/S/F/W content in the main tag, which would be #Markiplier. As I said in the other response to your so kindly worded ask, we don’t tag any of our content with that for that exact reason.

I do ask that, if you continue to attempt to accuse us of demonic/satanic work, please do so off-anon. You obviously feel very passionate about your beliefs, and if you feel enough convicted to come attack a community of innocent people trying to enjoy content about fictional characters, then I’m sure you’d feel no fear in showing your face, hmm? If you want us to respect your opinions, respect us by not hiding behind an anonymous filter.

-Mod L

[starshapedkookie]

baby steps - kim namjoon

reposted from my old blog !!

pairing: kim namjoon x female reader

genre: angst, fluff, pregnancy

warnings: swearing, mentions of abortion, blood

summary: Kim Namjoon is the love of your life, but when life takes an unexpected turn, you’re afraid you might lose the person you need most.

 The sickness hit you in waves. The first came in the early hours of Sunday morning. Your stomach churned as you rushed to the bathroom, hurling up the little bit of contents in your system. The second came a couple hours later, this time even worse—your entire breakfast coming back up. The sight wasn’t pretty. You knew something was wrong. Something most definitely wasn’t right.

Being home alone wasn’t helping you coax this sickness away so you called the only person that would help you in this situation—Joy. Your best friend of six years shows up at your apartment within a few minutes, hugging your frame gently.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” She looks worried as she studies the dark circles underneath your eyes.

“Not good,” your head shakes.

“When’s Namjoon coming home?” She asks as the two of you sit on the couch. Your hand rubs your belly involuntarily.

“Friday,” you tell her. You missed him so much. The only thing the you feel would make you better is if he was here with you. “Something just doesn’t feel right Joy, I don’t know how to describe it.”

She looks at you curiously, biting her lip hesitantly. “Um,” she pauses, “Is there anyway, that… you’re…” she trails off and you don’t understand what’s she’s talking about.

A few moments later and it hits you, “Pregnant?”

The word tumbles from your mouth and you suddenly feel like hurling again. To which—you do. Your feet pick themselves up before you can register and there you are, kneeling against the toilet, coughing up anything into the porcelain.

Joy follows you to the bathroom, holding up your hair. “Do you want me to go buy a test for you?”

As much as you wanted to say “NO!”, something in you pushed to say the opposite.

“Yeah,” you say, “I guess so.”

Joy would leave your apartment a few moments later to go down the street to the drug store. You sat on the floor of your bathroom, back against the door, staring down at the floor. You couldn’t be pregnant—there was no way. You were on the pill, had been on the pill for so long. Granted, you and Namjoon stopped using condoms fairly early in your relationship that started a few years ago. But never—not once—did you have a pregnancy scare, or at least, to this extent. You weren’t ready to be a mother—you could barely remember to do the laundry. Namjoon wasn’t ready to be a father—his career was too important for him.

You had to shake your thoughts away in order for them to not upset you. You sat nervously, your leg shaking up and down before Joy made her way back to your place.

She returns to the bathroom, a small box in her hands. She helps you open the box, your hands shaking, your stomach churning continuously.

“I’ll wait out here—“

“No, please stay in here,” you protest grabbing her wrist to hold in her place. She nods in response. You pee on the small stick, your breathing jagged as you set it down on the counter. You meet Joy in the edge of your tub. She holds your hand tightly.

“It’s okay,” she assures you as she notices the way your leg bounces up and down, up and down, up and down. You take a few deep breaths, unable to look in the direction of the test.

The time goes off on her phone. A chill runs down your back and you give her one last glance before you stand up. You walk slowly over to the test and pick it up.

“Fuck,” you breathe out, the tears brimming in your eyes. Two lines—one darker then the other—but two lines. You were in fact, pregnant.

You cried for the next four days. Tears of happiness, tears of anger, tears of fear. You were going to be a mom and Namjoon was going to be a dad. You refrained from telling him, deciding to wait until Friday when he was to come back home. Friday afternoon, you made sure to put on some makeup to cover up the fact that you have not slept all at this week. You made sure to wrap up the pregnancy test, along with the gift you got Namjoon, neatly, setting it on the kitchen counter with some other mail. Your plan to tell him was very cliche—maybe a little too much—but you know Namjoon. He loves this kind of stuff.

Namjoon arrived back at your shared apartment around 6’o clock that evening. You sat nervously on the couch, scrolling through your phone trying to keep your mind busy.

“Y/N?!” He calls out for you from the front door.

You set your phone down to go greet him. When he sees you, his smile lights up and his dimples show. You meet each other half way—his hands encircling around your waist, yours gripping his neck tightly.

“Ah, I missed you so much,” he breathes into your neck, hugging you tighter as each second goes by.

“Me too,” you tell him, “You have no idea.”

He pulls apart from you before placing a kiss against your mouth. His kiss is sweet and gentle—always making sure you were comfortable with that he was doing. He rests his forehead against yours when you pull away from him. Your hands grip the side of his face and he squeezes your wrists reassuringly.

“Come on,” he says, “Let me get showered up and we can go to dinner,” he suggests. The thought of food makes you nauseated. Nearly everything you have eaten this week has ended up back in your toilet.

“Wait,” you tell him, grabbing his wrist pulling him back towards the kitchen, “You have…some mail…” you say, your words not confident at all. Way to be discreet Y/N.

Namjoon looks at you confused. His brown eyes start to register worry. He notices the way you’ve covered your face to hide your sleep deprived state. It looks like you’ve lost some weight, especially in the face. He suddenly feels horrible—something is wrong with you.

“Y/N, are you…okay?” He says, concern lacing his tone.

“I’m fine,” you manage to tell him with a straight face. You most definitely were not fine—but you wanted him to think otherwise. You weren’t sure what was going to happen after he opened the box sitting on the counter. You were preparing for the worst.

He gives you one last glance before he turns his attention to the small pile of mail. The bigger box immediately catches his attention. It’s wrapped in a blue paper, a small bow sitting atop it. You sit down at the table, watching his every move. He picks up the package and sits down beside you. Namjoon is more than confused. The way your eyes look at him, he knows something is up.

Namjoon doesn’t say anything as he begins to rip open the paper and open the box. His eyebrows furrow as he registers what it is.

“A pair of converse?” His mouth turns up into an amused smirk, “Do you really buy me more of these?” He chuckles.

You stay silent.

Suddenly, something small and skinny falls out of the box as he opens it fully. Namjoon picks it up, unwrapping the paper around of it. Namjoon’s eyes widen when he understands what it is. A pregnancy test.

Namjoon suddenly feels like he cannot breathe properly. He looks again at the red converse sitting in the box and realizes they’re not shoes for him—they’re shoes for a baby.

“Y/N?” He asks you, “Are you… pregnant?”

You can’t help the tears as they begin to form in your eyes. You nod slowly, “Yeah,” your voice is low.

“When did you find out?” He asks you.

“Sunday,” you choke out and you can’t even look at him. “I’m so sorry Joon, I don’t know how this happened,” you continue to cry and Namjoon quickly rushes by your side.

“Hey, hey, why are you apologizing?” He kneels down in front of you, gripping your face gently. “Why are you crying?” He asks again, a small smile forming on his face.

“Because we can’t have a baby,” you sob again.

“Who said we couldn’t?” Namjoon comforts you. You’re too preoccupied with your sobs to see the small smile on Namjoon’s face.

“You have your career—we can’t do this Namjoon. I can’t do this, I can’t be a mother,” you ramble on and on.

“Hey, hey, Y/N, look at me,” Namjoon shakes you gently so that your eyes can meet his, “You’re going to be an amazing mother.”

“W-what?” You ask, attempting to contain your tears as you look at the man you have loved for so long.

“I said you’re going to be an amazing mother,” he pauses, “You can do this—we can do this,” he smiles at you with the galaxy in his eyes.

“Y-you want…me t-to keep… it?” You ask him through heavy breaths and he gives you another smile.

“Did you think I wouldn’t want it?” He asks.

You shrug your shoulders, “I didn’t know how you were going to react,” you say honestly.

“You’re the love of my life Y/N,” he pulls your face closer to his so he can peck your lips lightly, “I’ve known from the beginning I wanted to start a family with you.”

“R-really?” You feel so overwhelmed in this moment.

“Yes,” he smiles once again, “We’re going to be parents.”

“We’re going to be parents,” you repeat, a small now growing on your face. “You’re gonna be a dad Joonie,” you could start crying again.

“You’re gonna be a mommy,” he smiles suddenly looking down to your stomach. He pulls you closer and presses his lips to the area, smiling into your shirt. “You’re going to have the best mommy.”

“And an even better daddy,” you add, holding him close to you, his head in your chest, his arms wrapped around your torso. Nothing could ruin this moment, absolutely nothing.

It’s exactly one week since you’ve found out you were pregnant. Namjoon hasn’t left your side. He’s been more amazing than you could have ever imagined. Constantly telling you how much he loves you, getting anything you need, helping you if you get sick. Namjoon continues to make sure you’re comforted and loved. He kisses every area with care. Of course, some celebratory sex ensued, him kissing your stomach over and over once the two of you finished. A week ago, you thought everything was going wrong and then everything went so right. That was, until everything did in fact—go wrong.

It was Sunday afternoon. You and Namjoon were cuddled up on the couch watching a cheesy TV show that he happened to pick up a couple weeks ago while away. Your stomach slowly started to churn and you got up quickly, slightly annoyed that your sickness wasn’t going away—hopefully it would soon—you could not do nine months of this shit.

Namjoon followed you to the bathroom as you leaned over the toilet. It happened all at once. You threw up some contents into the toilet. You thought you were fin until suddenly, you felt a sensation in between your legs. A wet sensation.

“What the hell?” You ask as you stand up slowly. Namjoon looks at you concerned.

“You good?” He asks. His eyes watch the way you slowly pull down your sweatpants to sit down on the toilet.

Once your pants are down, you feel like getting sick again. Blood. Blood everywhere. The hot red substance running down your legs in a slow stream, your stomach cramping up suddenly. Namjoon’s eyes widen at the sight.

“Oh god,” you double over on the toilet in pain, “Fuck, oh my god—“

Namjoon rushes by your side, “Are you okay? Y/N?”

You’re unable to open your eyes as the worst cramps of your entire life take over your abdomen and lower back.

“Joon, it hurts,” you cry out holding onto him tightly.

“Come on, we need to go to the doctor,” he says and you nod obediently. You knew something was horribly wrong now.

Namjoon helps you clean yourself up. You’ve stopped bleeding for now but the stomach aches are absolutely killing you. Namjoon drives to the doctors office as fast as he can without breaking any laws. His hand stays connected with yours tightly. You try to think about other things but you can’t. You’re not supposed to bleed, you tell yourself, why are you bleeding?

You get into the doctor’s office faster than you expected. You sit up on the patient chair, Namjoon sitting beside of you comfortably.

“Joonie I’m scared,” you tell him as you let some free tears fall from your face.

“It’s okay,” he nuzzles himself into your neck, “Everything will be fine.”

A doctor comes in shortly after. After a short introduction, the doctor needs to do a few tests on you, including an ultrasound. They draw blood from your arm, press on your stomach in different areas, do the ultrasound as normal. Everything hurts. You hav to keep telling yourself that Namjoon is right there with you the whole time, not wanting to cry in front of him and the doctor.

The doctor leaves with his nurse for a few moments. Namjoon cradles you closely, rocking you back and forth. You can’t bring yourself to say anything to him. You’re too afraid of what’s coming in the next few minutes. Your palms are so sweaty you internally apologize to Namjoon. His eyes are on you the whole time even though you can’t bring yourself to look at him.

The doctor comes back a couple minutes later. He sits down on the chair in the room, observing you and Namjoon intently.

“Alright,” he begins, “Miss Y/N and Namjoon… I am afraid to inform you that you have experienced a miscarriage.”

Miscarriage. Fuck. That’s exactly what you were afraid of. You tense up in Namjoon’s hold, forcing yourself to hold back your tears.

“Here, I want you to take these,” the doctor hands you a few pamphlets containing information about miscarriages.

“Thank you.” Namjoon says.

“I understand that this is going to be hard for you two. Especially you Y/N,” he pauses, “You’re going to be feeling confused, you’re going to feel sadness… but I want you to know that all those things are normal. Don’t hold back any emotions, that’s not good, alright?”

You nod in response, barely able to keep your eyes focused on the doctor.

“I don’t want you to feel like this is your fault. This was absolutely not your fault. Miscarriage's happen far more often than people would like to think or talk about. Up to fifty-percent of pregnancies can result in a miscarriage and it’s nothing you’ve done.” The doctor continues her talk, wanting to inform you and Namjoon as much as possible.

“Most likely, your body did this because something chromosomal wasn’t right—which is something neither of you can control, alright?” She gives you a squeeze on your knee. “If you two ever need anything or have more questions for me, don’t be afraid to call me. You continue to help her through this,” she looks at Namjoon, “I can tell you two love each other. Hold onto that, alright?”

Namjoon leads you out of the doctors office once you get some medicine to help with your abdominal pains. He helps you get into his car before he jumps in the drivers seat. You sit there in silence before you double over in the seat, breaking down in tears again.

“Y/N,” Namjoon says, his own voice cracking, “It’s okay… look at me.”

You slowly lift yourself up, looking at your Joonie. “I’m s-so s-sorry,” you choke and he pulls you in close to his side. You hug him tightly and he returns.

“Don’t apologize for anything Y/N,” he says kissing your head gently.

“I lost your b-baby,” you bury your face into his chest and Namjoon pulls away from you slightly.

“Don’t say that Y/N,” he shakes his head, “You didn’t do anything—this wasn’t your fault,” his eyes are red from holding in his tears.

“I feel like it is,” you tell him and he rests his forehead on yours.

“No, please don’t say that baby,” he shakes his head, “I can’t imagine what you’re going through but I’m going to be here for you.”

You feel Namjoon’s love growing as each second goes on. “I love you,” you tell him honestly.

“I love you so much,” he speaks his truth, “I don’t know how I can make this right, but I promise I’ll always be here for you.”

With a small peck to your lips, you nod slowly, the faintest smile spreading across your face. You knew he was being honest and that’s all you could ask for—Namjoon was your light and that’s all you could hold onto in this moment. You didn’t know how you were going to get through this, but you knew taking baby steps with Namjoon would hopefully bring you the peace you—and him—needed.

[zombiequincy]

THE MEGA RP PLOTTING SHEET / MEME.

First and foremost, recall that no one is perfect, we all had witnessed some plotting once which did not went too well, be it because of us or our partner. So here have this, which may help for future plotting. It’s a lot! Yes, but perhaps give your partners some insight? Anyway BOLD what fully applies, italicize if only somewhat.

MUN NAME: Hela     AGE: 21       CONTACT: IM

CHARACTER(S): Giselle Gewelle, Yumichika Ayasegawa (inactive)

CURRENT FANDOM(S): Bleach

BLEACH FANDOM(S) YOU HAVE AN AU FOR:  I have gory Bloodborne au but that one just exists in my head on my lonesome.

MY LANGUAGE(S): English and one very specific Middle Eastern dialect.

THEMES I’M INTERESTED IN FOR RP: FANTASY / Science fiction / Horror / WESTERN / ROMANCE / Thriller / MYSTERY / DYSTOPIA / ADVENTURE / MODERN / Erotic / Crime / MYTHOLOGY / Classic / HISTORY / RENAISSANCE / MEDIEVAL / Ancient / WAR / FAMILY / POLITICS / RELIGION / SCHOOL / ADULTHOOD / CHILDHOOD / APOCALYPTIC / GODS / Sport / MUSIC / Science / FIGHTS / ANGST / Smut / DRAMA / etc. 

PREFERRED THREAD LENGTH: one-liner / 1 para / 2 PARA / 3+ / NOVELLA.

ASKS CAN BE SEND BY: MUTUALS / NON-MUTUALS / PERSONALS / ANONS.

CAN ASKS BE CONTINUED?:   YES / NO    only by Mutuals?:  YES / NO.

PREFERRED THREAD TYPE: CRACK / casual nothing too deep / SERIOUS / DEEP AS HECK. (i love it all sorry I am quite the mixed bag lmao)

IS REALISM / RESEARCH IMPORTANT FOR YOU IN CERTAIN THEMES?:   YES / NO. i gotta know what certain human body parts taste like u know

ARE YOU ATM OPEN FOR NEW PLOTS?:  YES / NO / DEPENDS.

DO YOU HANDLE YOUR DRAFT / ASK - COUNT WELL?:  YES / NO / SOMEWHAT. it’s SO BAD FOR ME RN ASGLDKJDJKA i’m very inconsistent i’m so sorry.

HOW LONG DO YOU USUALLY TAKE TO REPLY?: 24H / 1 WEEK / 2 WEEKS / 3+ / months / years. / a lot of it has more to do w my general writing mood and if the thread im writing catches my interest, and rn im writing a TON of really wonderful and fascinating threads so they’re all super captivating for me and i try to reply asap

I’M OKAY WITH INTERACTING: ORIGINAL CHARACTERS / a relative of my character (an oc) / duplicates / MY FANDOM / CROSSOVERS / MULTI-MUSES / self-inserts / people with no AU verse for my fandom / CANON-DIVERGENT PORTRAYALS / AU-VERSIONS.

DO YOU POST MORE IC OR OOC?: IC / OOC. (i have a lot of stupid shit sorry) 

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WITH FOLLOWING OTHERS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.  

BEST WAYS TO APPROACH YOU FOR RP/PLOTTING: just send me a tumblr instant message, i know it sucks shit but im not comfy releasing my discord w everyone just yet cause i use it for personal use as well. i check tumblr on the daily so if you send me a message chances are i’ll see it and respond!

WHAT EXPECTATIONS DO YOU HOLD TOWARDS YOUR PLOTTING PARTNER:  i guess just be able to put up with my rambling and stopping and starting, a lot of characterisation choices i do go through various stages and its pretty messy so when i communicate that with others it usually ends up equally messy. just be patient with me please.

WHEN YOU NOTICE THE PLOTTING IS RATHER ONE-SIDED, WHAT DO YOU DO?:  i don’t mind! sometimes ppl have more ideas that they want to share first and i’m always super happy to listen to those ideas !! sometimes its nice to have someone with a clear guide or structure and be able to work around that rather than trying to fumble through a plot together.

HOW DO YOU USUALLY PLOT WITH OTHERS, DO YOU GIVE INPUT OR LEAVE MOST WORK TOWARDS YOUR PARTNER?:  i try to map out some basic info abt their characters that i otherwise don’t know from their bio or verses and try to pick out points of confrontation or similarities to expand on with giselle that can be used as points for like a starter to happen. its either that or sometimes i have really stupid ideas i just toss out there like ‘LMAO THEYRE BREAKING SHIT AT DISNEYLAND’ and go buck wild from there if the other person is down. i also always try to warn people or get a gauge for what subjects to avoid and steer clear of considering that giselle is a bit of a Freak(tm) and will say and do bad things.

WHEN A PARTNER DROPS THE THREAD, DO YOU WISH TO KNOW?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS. - And why?: if there’s something giselle did or said that upset you, i would love to know not to repeat it again (since i do still feel pretty new to the rp game, theres still plenty of time for me to make stupid mistakes). if its just a general lack of interest or uncertainty of where the plot should go, then you dont have to tell me i wont take it personally i promise ! 

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY LEAD YOU TO DROP A THREAD?: sometimes i can be made uncomfortable by certain things mentioned... it happens but its rare 

- WILL YOU TELL YOUR PARTNER?:   YES / NO / DEPENDS. i don’t want to upset anyone personally and sometimes explaining the ins and outs of my discomfort make things ten times worse so i just. would rather not.

IS COMMUNICATION IN THE RPC IMPORTANT TO YOU? YES / NO.

- AND WHY?: i am the most nervous person you can meet and my brain is always giving me misinfo abt paranoia and random shit so i having clear concrete communication between two parties abt if something is going wrong or is being received poorly means the world to me.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH ABSOLUTE HONESTY, EVEN IF IT MAY MEANS HEARING SOMETHING NEGA1TIVE ABOUT YOU AND/OR PORTRAYAL?: i need it !! i still feel relatively new to all this and i need to know whats going wrong to improve !! 

DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE SUCH SITUATION IN A MATURE WAY? YES / NO.

WHY DO YOU RP AGAIN, IS THERE A GOAL?: to help with my confidence in writing! i have v bad anxiety when it comes to sharing my works and i write a lot of other pieces alongside this blog on ao3 and i want to develop my writing skills just in general. when it comes to like the nuts and bolts of why i rp giselle specifically, its mainly to just have fun and have a laugh w my friends who are really awesome quincy writers

WISHLIST, BE IT PLOTS OR SCENARIOS:  OH SO MANY! ive managed to fulfil a lot of my wishlist threads with like, giselle talking to characters she’s already zombified and i love all that angst but i want to do more stupid shit. i want to make it my personal goal to bully every quincy man and woman on sight. although a REAL dream would be if i got to write a thread zombifying a character who managed to escape giselle’s clutches. and more fighting! i want to get better at describing action and fights and i love to write giselle getting beat up and beating people up! more more more!! 

THEMES I WON’T EVER RP / EXPLORE:   hohoho theres a LOT... uh r*pe/dubcon threads for one, even if yeah i know writing it doesnt condone it, it makes me intensely uncomfortable to put my muse in that scenario, i feel like i have an obligation to like, protect her from that shit you know? racism is one i don’t want to transgress, even though i’m a poc, its not really cathartic or groundbreaking to write abt racism in threads its just... really fucking upsetting. also i know the quincy’s have this very close parallel to the whole n*zi imagery and ideology thing going on and i am not about to start even daring to thread that into my writing or bring those allusions and references of real life tragedies into giselle’s threads. i’ve already talked at length abt exploring giselles trans identity in rp and why im not comfortable doing so, so.... yeah! all those i guess.

WHAT TYPE OF STARTERS DO YOU PREFER / DISLIKE, CAN’T WORK WITH?: i like starters where giselle can just immediately get right into being a piece of shit. mise en scene and all that! cut out the build up and just get to the intense horror !! i don’t like starters where its not immediately clear where the characters are standing and what they’re doing and what’s happening around them. those really disorientate me and leave me kinda floundering because i always need some allusion or mention of a setting to ground giselle in a time and place other wise i cant tell what her response should be

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE MOST?:  EVIL WOMEN EVIL WOMEN EVIL WOMEN. also just characters i can wholeheartedly clown on, or also characters who have hidden depths to them and have a single panel of screentime. honestly it’s just all over the place!

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE LEAST?:  angry old men GSADJDKSJA i could never rp yhwach for example or yamamoto because idk. theyre just so crummy and boring to me. i also couldnt rp characters who always have an upper hand in battle like aizen. i like my dumbasses and i like them stupid and adaptive not just, ‘yes i know this because i Know this.’

WHAT ARE YOUR STRONG ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: i think im nice...? FKSJDKDJSA idk i hate trying to toot my own horn. sometimes i also think i make funny jokes and im pretty chill and laid back

WHAT ARE YOUR WEAK ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: my writing style is inconsistent and adapts to whatever i’m reading so sometimes it’ll be really good and i love it and other times it reads like really bad fanfic and i get carried away far too easily and write novella lengths for threads which should be much shorter. i also get shy a lot and dont think i communicate very effectively but HEYO we’re working on it!

DO YOU RP SMUT?:  YES / NO/ DEPENDS. haven’t had anybody brave enough to try yet lol

DO YOU PREFER TO GO INTO DETAIL?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH BLACK CURTAIN?: YES / NO.

- WHEN DO YOU RP SMUT? MORE OUT OF FUN OR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT?: more for fun i’d imagine because that’s just giselles own attitude to sex and relationships where she doesnt want anything deep. it might show character development in one way of just showing how she regards others in a romantic sense to be used rather than actually appreciated as their own person and show how selfish she is but yeah, more out of fun

- ANYTHING YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO RP THERE?:  theres a few kinks and such but i dont think they’d ever really come up. again, just mainly no r*pe/dubcon.

ARE SHIPS IMPORTANT TO YOU?:   YES / NO lets hope this doesn’t make me sound like an asshole, but its more like a fun little side thing than anything important to giselle’s actual development and characterisation. 

WOULD YOU SAY YOUR BLOG IS SHIP-FOCUSED?: YES / NO. again, hardly anyone is brave enough to try to romance this evil cannibal.

DO YOU USE READ MORE?:  YES / NO / SOMETIMES WHEN I WRITE LONG STUFF.

ARE YOU:  MULTI-SHIP / Single-Ship / Dual-Ship  —  MULTIVERSE / Singleverse.

- WHAT DO YOU LOVE TO EXPLORE THE MOST IN YOUR SHIPS?: more how giselle likes to give over her power or dominate in different circumstances depending on who she’s with and what’s being done. BUT AGAIN, not a whole lot to explore yet.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIPS?: YES / NO. - i mean im down for p much anything if it vibes w giselle.

► SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.

- WHAT COULD POSSIBLY MAKE YOUR MUSE INTERESTING TOWARDS OTHERS, WHY SHOULD THEY RP WITH THIS PARTICULAR CHARACTER OF YOURS NOW, WHAT POSSIBLE PLOTS DO THEY OFFER?: if you want an evil woman to taunt and mock and hurt your muse, she’s your gal. you want her to zombify and ruin your muse, shes also your gal. you want her to insult and maim and injure, she’s also YOUR GAL. basically, if you want to do anything fucked up or sad or scary, she can help with that.

- WITH WHAT TYPE OF MUSES DO YOU USUALLY STRUGGLE TO RP WITH?:  uh muses who get really angry quickly or don’t rise or respond to her jabs and are just kinda like a flatline. theres only so much pestering and annoying she can do until realises its not working and just wanders off

- WHAT DO THEY DESIRE, IS THEIR GOAL?:  to find a goal worth living for.

- WHAT CATCHES THEIR INTEREST FIRST WHEN MEETING SOMEONE NEW?:  appearance she always takes an interest in girls almost right away. age as well because she judges old people. 

- WHAT DO THEY VALUE IN A PERSON?:  a good set of guts to ruin and strong muscles.

- WHAT THEMES DO THEY LIKE TALKING ABOUT?:  women, gore, murder, herself, music, stupid memes, gossip.

- WHICH THEMES BORE THEM?:  politics, history, quincy ideology, soul reaper ideology, hollow physiology.

- DID THEY EVER WENT THROUGH SOMETHING TRAUMATIC?:  her family tried to force the burden of upholding the quincy lineage onto her shoulders, she was thrown into the wrong prison and held in isolation, then pressured to become an undying monster in service of a god and then was nearly killed by that same man and left wandering without guidance or purpose. so, yeah?

- WHAT COULD LEAD TO AN INSTANT KILL?:  transphobia. even a whiff of it in her direction and she’ll gut you like a fish.

- IS THERE SOMEONE /-THING THEY HATE?:  the twink soul reaper who outted her.

IS YOUR MUSE EASY TO APPROACH?: YES / NO. - Best ways to approach them?:  if you’re smart, you’ll bring a big bone for her to chew on and distract her while you ask whatever you want.

SOMETHING YOU MAY STILL WANT TO POINT OUT ABOUT YOUR MUSE?: i love my evil queen!

CONGRATS!!! You managed it, now tag your mutuals! ♥

Tagged by:  @bazzardburner​ cheers chicken boy !!

Tagging: @hyouketsu​ @blooming5th​ @viciousvizard​ @glacies-tempestatem​ and whoever else wishes to do this!!

[sinful-scribbler-blog]

Tipping Point

Pairing: Steve Rogers/Captain America x Avenger!Reader

Featured Characters: Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanoff

Summary: The reader and Steve have an unspoken connection between them but have never acted upon it. That is until Natasha gives the reader a little push.  

Warnings: Sexual tension, Teasing, Flirting, Innuendos, Buried Feelings, etc.

Notes: The reader is an Avenger that has been part of the team for two years now. This story takes place post Age of Ultron. She has extensive fight training but no special powers. 

Also, This is my story. I created a side blog but decided to just create a separate Tumblr account instead. Formerly known as Marvelous-musings. Enjoy! 

*GIF Not Mine*

Ever since you joined the Avengers, there’s always been an unspoken connection. A connection between you and Steve Rogers. Captain America himself. From the minute you were recruited to the team, he appointed himself as your mentor. He took you under his wing and helped you assimilate within the close net family that consisted of Earth’s mightiest heroes. You held a tremendous amount of respect for him, as well as the rest of the team. They had all been so welcoming and helpful. If you were honest, you had grown to love them all. Natasha, Thor, and Bruce had become some of the best friends you’ve ever had. Natasha loved to train with you, and when the time would allow it, you’d go out and let loose from time to time. She had become your closest confidant. That is how Nat had caught on to your feelings for Steve. And because of this, she never missed a chance to stir the pot.  

Y/N let the smell of coffee draw her to the kitchen of the compound. She shuffled into the spacious kitchen, still dressed in her pajamas from the night before. She was dressed in a thin, silk red camisole tank top, matching shorts, and house slippers. She yawned as she entered, capturing the attention of Steve, who was already awake and waiting in front of the coffee pot. “Morning.” He said cheerily. God. Why was he so cheery this early in the morning? You were not a morning person. You tried to be. Truly you did. It just wasn’t for you. “Mornin’ Cap.” You yawned again as you reached the counter.  

“I heated the tea kettle for you,” he smiled in your direction, knowing that you didn’t drink coffee.  

“Well, aren’t you just a sweetheart.” You chimed with a smirk, a hint of teasing in your tone.  

“Anything for you,” he replied teasingly.  

You opened the cabinet and reached for a coffee cup from the top shelf. Your shirt lifted a few inches as you stretched upwards on your tippy-toes. Shorts were riding up slightly. His eyes flicked over to your exposed midriff and rear end non-conspicuously. Before he could bring himself to look away the sound of someone’s throat clearing drew the attention of you both. Natasha was leaning against the frame of the door, arms crossed with a mischievous smile on her face.  

“Beautiful day isn’t it?” She starts, striding into the kitchen slowly. “Enjoying the view today, Steve?”  

Steve clears his throat and takes a sip of his coffee. He nods before answering. “Should be a nice day.” He looks to you before awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck. “Well, I’m gonna go get a jump on the day. See you guys later.”  

“Oh, okay. Bye, Cap.” You reply, trying to hide the sound of disappointment at the fact that he was leaving so soon. He trails out of the room, leaving only you and Natasha.  

“Way to go Nat. You scared him away.” You frowned at her as you placed a tea bag and hot water in your cup. “He’s like a scared animal in the wild. You must always approach with caution.” You laugh as she scoffs with a smile.  

“I’m sorry. You may be interested in what I witnessed, though.” She smirked as you raised your eyebrow, urging her to continue.  

“Our dear Captain was blatantly checking you out. Fully encapsulated in your beauty. Shamelessly ogling your body.” She wagged her eyebrows at you.  

Your eyes widened in shock. “Seriously?”  

“Absolutely. It’s obvious Steve’s into you too. You should go for it.”  

“Even if he was, I don’t think he’d ever act on it. I mean we’re teammates, he’s been, my mentor. I don’t see him wanting to cross that line.” You frowned once more.  

“Then you’ll simply have to persuade him to cross that stupid line.” She responds matter-of-factly.  

“How do I do that?” You question her.  

“Well, he’s drawn to your body. Use that to your advantage. Drive him crazy by teasing him until he has no choice but to confront his feelings for you.” She pours herself a cup of coffee as you mull over her idea.

“Fine. I’ll give it a shot. But if I make a complete fool out of myself, I’m blaming you.” You finally agree, drinking more of your tea.

A few hours later.  

You decide to proceed with Natasha’s plan. Steve is outside near the pool, lounging on a lawn chair. Dark sunglasses and bright blue and grey swim trunks were hanging low on his hips. You bite your bottom lip as you collect your thoughts, trying to quiet your nerves.  

You stroll over towards him with your towel, sunblock, and drink in hand. “Is this seat taken?” You state nodding to the chair on his right.  

“Not at all. It’s all yours.” He smiles hand motioning to the lounge chair. You smile as you place your items on the table next to the chair. You were wearing dark oversized sunglasses of your own. You then proceeded to take off your coverup. Letting out a soft sigh as the sun touched your skin. His eyes flitted over you, taking in your appearance. You were wearing a vibrant red, white, and blue bikini. The way it clung to your curves entirely caused his breath to catch in his throat. You took your sunscreen bottle and squirted some into your free hand. You put the bottle down and began to coat your skin in the sunblock. You slowly started to rub the lotion into your chest, stomach, and arms. He watched as you worked the cream into your sun-kissed skin. He swallowed, his throat tightening as she finished with her long muscular legs. He should look away. He really should, but he couldn’t.  

You reached for your bottle of sunscreen and shook it lightly in your hand. “Do me?” You purred with a flirtatious smile. Steve froze for a minute. His mind racing at your words. He coughed and rubbed the back of his neck before he found his voice again. “Yeah, sure.”  

You handed him the sunblock, fingers slightly brushing his. “How do you want me?” You ask.  

“W-what?” He stuttered. She giggled lightly.  

“Should I lay down or just turn around?”  

“Oh umm…You can lay down. I think it’ll be easier that way.” He motions to the lounge chair. You turned your back to him and moved your hair over one shoulder. You lowered the lounger to a horizontal level before climbing onto it. He squeezed a decent portion into his hand. Before he could start you untied the back of your bikini top releasing the strings.  

He stammers for a minute, perplexed by your actions. “Something the matter Cap?” You inquired teasingly.  

“Nope. All good here.” He recovered as he sat on the edge of your lounger. He began to work the sunblock into your shoulders. You let out a content sigh as his large rough hands glided along your back. His hands slowed as they reached your lower back. “Keep going. Your hands are like pure magic.” You hummed as he continued. He finished applying the lotion but to be honest he didn’t want to stop. Regrettably, he stood and returned to his seat.

“Thank you.” You said contently turning your head towards him. “Do you want me to do you?”  

He said that he was planning on heading in shortly, so there was no need.  

“Suit yourself then. I’m no slouch with my hands either.” You wink, and you swear he blushes. Truth be told he was afraid of how his body would react if you were to run your hands along his body. He’s always had an attraction to you but didn’t feel that he should sacrifice all they’ve built since she joined the team. The mission always comes first. It’s the only motto he’s ever lived by. Plus, there was no guarantee that you even felt the same way. Why risk it and make things uncomfortable between you two if you didn’t?

The next day.  

He’s training in the gym. Boxing at the punching bag. All sweaty and out of breath. You found him most attractive like this. You decided to continue with the plan.  

You rolled out your yoga mat a short distance from him, entirely within his view. You were wearing your black and pink crisscrossed sports bra and form-fitting black yoga shorts. You waved slightly at him, making sure he noticed your arrival. He nodded in your direction, and you smiled before placing your earbuds in and starting up some music. You began to stretch out before starting your yoga routine. You stood tall before bending over and grabbing your toes. You continued moving from pose to pose. He had stopped for a water break and turned his attention to you. You lifted your foot towards the back of your head, then performed a seated split. God, you were so flexible. Had you always been this flexible? Once you moved into a downward-facing dog, he couldn’t take it anymore. He had to get out of there. It was too much. His attraction to you had been exponentially growing. It was getting harder to push down his feelings.  

A few days later.  

You completed a few small missions over the last few days. You were currently in the gym trying to stretch out your leg. You had strained your upper thigh on the previous one. The muscle had tensed up, and you were trying to alleviate the pain. Steve wandered into the gym to lift some weights when he saw you lying on the floor. He rose a brow in your direction as he asked, “Are you okay over there?”  

Your head snapped up at his voice. Oh, hey, Cap. Can you help me with something?”  

“Sure, whatever you need.” He agreed as he got closer to her.  

“Stretch me out.” You stated.  

His eyes widened slightly as he looked down at you. You smirked at him before explaining. “My thigh is all tensed up after the last mission. I need help getting a deeper stretch.”  

Realization dawns on him, and he nods as you lay back. He kneels in front of you. You raise your right leg up and over his shoulder.

“Ready?” He questions as he looks down at you lying back.

“Yes, go ahead.” Your reply as he pushes your leg back towards your body. You hiss slightly at the tightness you feel in your quad.  

“You good?” He inquires with a look of concern.  

“Yeah. It’s just so tight.” You exhale. Steve closes his eyes momentarily, trying to refocus. How was he supposed to keep things platonic with you when you say things like that?  

“Okay, let’s go again.” You coax him back to his objective.

“Keep going.” You sigh at the pressure. “Further.” You groan, feeling slightly relieved. He presses even further; he’s so close to you now. He is leaning over your body, face inches from yours, leg over his shoulder. Never did he think he’d be this close to you. As he pushes a little further, you let out a deep moan, “Steve…God that feels amazing.”  

Hearing you moan underneath him, calling him by his name instead of Cap, it’s enough to tip him over the edge. Your eyes open as you moan again at the feeling of relief in your thigh.  

Once your eyes open, you’re drawn to his piercing blue ones staring right into yours. There’s a newfound intensity in them. You finally realize the proximity of your bodies. Your eyes shift down to his lips before returning to his eyes once more. “Steve…” you breathe out.  

He leans forward quickly and roughly, capturing your lips. You hiss as your leg was pushed even closer to your body. He pulls back quickly, removing your limb from his shoulder apologizing. “Sorry I got a little carried away. Did I hurt you?”  

“Just shut up and kiss me.” You answer reaching behind his neck and pulling him closer to you. Lips crash together again in a hungry, passionate kiss. God, you’ve wanted this for so long. Unbeknownst to you, so has he. His body covers yours as he deepens the kiss. You roll over, so you’re on top. Straddling his waist, you break the kiss if only to catch your breath. He rests his hands on the sides of your thighs. “I’ve wanted to do that for the longest time.” He smiles up at you, your faces flushed.  

“Well, that makes two of us then.” You smile back resting your hands on his torso. “Why didn’t you say anything sooner? We waisted so much time.”  

He sighs, shaking his head lightly “Because I’m an idiot.”  

“And to think, if I hadn’t been trying to seduce you all week, this might never have happened.” You say innocently with a mischievous smirk.  

“Well, it definitely did the trick.” He murmured as he drew patterns mindlessly on your thighs.  

“Remind me to thank Nat later.” You say bending down to kiss him once again.

“Why?” He asked between kisses.  

“She saw you admiring my body that morning and told me that I should seduce you. Get you to that tipping point.” You divulged as you kissed his jawline.  

“Well, mission accomplished.” You both laughed, as he drew you in for another of many passionate kisses.

A/N: Thanks For Reading My First Post. Let Me Know Your Thoughts :)

[i-see-my-otps-in-erised]

The Bet

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six  | Part Seven | Part Eight

"Ron… You can't be serious." Hermione breathed.

"What?"

"That's just… Way too many phases."

Harry was staring at the parchment between the three of them. The paper was settled on a small library table in the corner, mostly hidden from sight. The parchment was scribbled on with messy handwriting and blotches of ink were splattered in random places. Ron looked confusedly at both of them.

"What's the issue?" Ron asked, glancing back at his handiwork.

"Ron," Harry said exasperatedly. "You have a phase fifteen that's only note is 'trip and catch'. What does that mean?"

"That-" Ron started.

"I honestly don't think you spent this much effort on trying to date me," Hermione looked perplexed. "And I can't tell if I'm offended or relieved."

"It's not-" Ron tried again.

"I think this is all too much for me. I should just ask him out." Harry said, biting the inside of his cheek in disappointment.

"Excuse me," Ron glared at the both of them. He grabbed his parchment and shook it in Harry's face. "I'm not expecting you to go through all the phases! These are just backup phases until Malfoy cracks."

"Wow. Hermione really is rubbing off on you," Harry cocked an eyebrow.

"Oh, please," Hermione rolled her eyes. "He's only working so hard to get out of studying."

"We went through a war, 'Mione! I don't need any more essays!"

Harry laughed, "I agree with that."

He glanced back at the parchment and a phrase caught his eye. He grabbed the notes from Ron, looking closer to make sure he didn't imagine it.

"Make him jealous?"

"Yeah," Ron shrugged. "That's one of the most basic ways to get someone's attention."

"Only if the person would actually get jealous." Harry pointed out.

Hermione snorted and the two boys looked at her with surprise. She went a bit pink, but still put on her best 'Obviously' face. "Harry, please. Malfoy would get jealous of the quill you were holding if it meant he wasn’t getting attention from you."

Harry blinked. "Huh?"

"You think so, 'Mione?" Ron asked, genuinely curious.

"It's obvious.”

"Hm… Now that you say so, Malfoy does seem to notice Harry more than others," Ron pondered. His eyes widened suddenly and he snatched the parchment out of Harry's hands. "This may change the phase sequence!"

"Wha-?" Harry could feel a flush creeping up his cheeks.

"Harry, don't be dense." Hermione chided.

"I just don't really agree with what you're assuming," Harry said.

Ron glanced up at Harry, a suspicious look on his face. "I'm confused. Did you just start liking Malfoy? Or has it been a secret crush for a few years? By the way, I'm a bit put out that you kept this from me, mate. Don't think you're getting out of this one."

"I don't-!"

"Harry, stop. If you hate him so much, then call off the bet." Hermione offered.

"It's not even his bet!" Ron snickered. "It's Dean's and Seamus'."

"Maybe he should let it go. He doesn't seem to be fully in it." Hermione shrugged.

"But I spent so much work on the phases!" Ron pouted.

"You realize you have a potions essay.”

"'Mione, please. I'm in mourning. All my hard work… Gone to waste." Ron pretended to sniffle at the thought.

Harry rolled his eyes. He glanced towards the center of the library when he heard a voice reach their table. Malfoy was leaning against one of the bookshelves, grinning at Parkinson. Harry pursed his lips before determinedly standing up.

"You want me to go through with it?" Harry whispered towards the two. "Fine."

"What are you doing?" Hermione looked bewildered.

"Phase. Three."

Harry heard Ron gasp with glee as he walked towards Malfoy, looking straight ahead. Harry didn't want to risk any distractions.

Parkinson saw him first. She smirked and quickly waved a goodbye at Malfoy. Harry tentatively stopped right behind him, tapping him softly on the shoulder.

"Malfoy?"

Malfoy jumped, turning quickly towards him. He looked as though he wasn't sure what expression to wear. He eventually settled on angry.

"What do you want, Potter?"

"Er," Harry rubbed his neck, hoping it made him look as nervous as he actually was. "I was hoping I could ask you something."

Malfoy raised an eyebrow, the corner of his lip twitching. "Oh, really?"

"Yeah. It's just…" Harry sighed, looking at the floor. He hoped he was selling this. "It's a bit awkward considering our history."

The tone of Malfoy's voice changed slightly. "Oh."

"I was wondering…" Harry looked up at him, trying his best to look into his eyes. The trouble was that they were so grey, it was difficult to continue his act. And… Was it just Harry's imagination or did Malfoy almost look hopeful? "I was just wondering… Could I borrow a quill?"

Malfoy's face fell. "Excuse me?"

"I just need to borrow a quill, but I know how you are with your things. Mine broke and Hermione and Ron don't have extras." Harry tried his best to look innocent.

"I… Yeah, okay." Malfoy dug through his bag and pulled out a white feathered quill. "Here."

Harry reached for it and their hands brushed against each other briefly before the quill was suddenly pulled away.

"Wait… That's all you came here to ask?" Malfoy narrowed his eyes at him.

"Er… Yeah?" Harry said.

Malfoy sneered. "What are you playing at, Potter?"

Harry blinked, trying to look clueless. "Sorry?"

"What is your damage?" Malfoy practically snarled. The few who were in the library glanced over at them with interest. Malfoy seemed to have noticed because he was suddenly shouting at Harry in a hushed whisper. "You ignore me, push me around and barely show me any common decency for weeks!"

Harry almost corrected him, saying it was only a few days, but he thought better of it. "Oh, so you show me common decency all the time?" Harry challenged.

"I-" Malfoy looked taken back. He quickly regained his composure. "Recently, yes. And it's not as though you've been so cold this year, either. Until now!"

"Oh? Have I been cold, Malfoy?" A sudden surge of confidence hit Harry. He stepped closer to Malfoy, the space between them only inches now. "What would you rather I be, then? Warm?"

"E-excuse me?" Malfoy stuttered.

"You seem to be unhappy with how I've been treating you. Why not enlighten me? How would you like to be treated?" Harry smirked, looking up at Malfoy with heavy eyes. He had no idea where this attitude was coming from, but it was working. He hoped it would last.

"W-wh- I don't care how you treat me!" Malfoy tried to take a step back, but was met with the hardness of the bookshelf behind him.

"You sure?" Harry practically purred. "Because you seemed awfully angry at how rude I've been. And you seemed to have thought I was coming over here for a reason… Other than a quill, of course."

"I… Just thought it was to apologize for your behavior." Malfoy sniffed haughtily.

"Oh? And how would you like me to apologize?" Harry asked.

He watched Malfoy gulp, staring down at him with wide, intense eyes. His cheeks were pink, slightly darker than his ears. Harry never noticed it before, but he had tiny, almost transparent freckles scattered on his cheekbones. They cascaded slowly towards his nose, where only a few resided on the tip of it. Harry might have counted them if Malfoy didn't open his mouth to speak.

"You…" He started off slowly, as if afraid of what he was going to say, "Should apologize to me by-"

"Harry!"

Suddenly, a body was wedging itself between them. Dean was smiling down at him, pushing him away from Malfoy.

"I've been looking everywhere for you, mate! Listen, I have this very cute friend who is very interested in you. And since you aren't dating anyone right now, I figured-"

Dean went on like that, blabbing about some random suitor he had lined up. Harry strained to look around him. His heart dropped when he saw Malfoy stomping out the library entrance.

Dean poked Harry in the arm, "So, what do you think?"

"Huh?"

"Dean!" Seamus popped up behind Harry, making him jump. Seamus ignored him, however, and grabbed Dean by his jacket. "That was cheating!"

Dean snickered, "Where's the rulebook?"

Seamus glared at him, "I will make one, so help me, Merlin."

"I'd like to see you spend more than five minutes on that."

"I will!" Seamus started dragging Dean away. "And I get to interfere once now, to make it even!"

Harry stared dumbfoundedly at them. He felt two figures come up behind him and a hand clap his shoulder.

"You got really close, Harry," Hermione said sympathetically.

"Yeah, mate. Really good run." Ron chimed in.

Harry nodded solemnly. He was so close. He knew that Malfoy was going to… Well, do something. Ron's plan almost worked, but Harry guessed they just needed more time.

"Hey, look on the bright side, Harry."

"Hm?"

"You bumped right past phase three all the way to phase ten: jealousy!" Ron grinned at him. "On to phase eleven!"

"Oh, Merlin, what's that?" Hermione grimaced.

Ron grinned wickedly, shoving the notes he made under their noses.

Harry groaned.

This is twice as long as the other ones ooooh boy we in it now lads. Thank you for the demands for another part. It was equally flattering and overwhelming. I’m tagging everyone who wanted to be tagged under the cut. If I forgot to tag you I’m deeply sorry.  

@crystalrose-97 @serinacantstopfandoming @queenawesomepants101 @anthonytheturk-blog @walk-in-the-darkness @physicspsycho @captaincjdeetsy @wendigochild13 @totallygayforhim @dracomalfoyisanassandiloveit @a-harrypotter-phan @annie19 @zainabmtk @cwithum @2-insanity-and-beyond @fireboltdrarry @reading-till-5am @lovedrarrypizzasleep 

[elizabethrobertajones]

You know, I desperately want Destiel to be end game as much as anybody, but somedays I think I would just be content if the show just textually acknowledged that Dean's bi. Something as simple as a dude at a bar asking Dean to come home w/ him while they're on a case and Dean saying something like "any other day I'd take you up on that but I can't tonight." IDK the subtext that Dean is bi is strong enough that I can't say the GA would be shocked by it and it would just be a nice textual nugget.

Hey, sorry it took so long to answer this, I’ve not been at my best for ages… Been thinking about this all week though :P 

I think it feels to me like the general audience can discard or mentally discredit an AWFUL lot of implication and direct hints - there have been comments and moments in many bits of media which imply directly or with heavy innuendo that a character may be interested in a non-hetero way to someone - especially things like teasy moments… 

Thinking of things like in HIMYM there’s an ongoing joke about Lily having a crush on Robin, but since she’s with Marshall the entire show, it doesn’t really go anywhere, and when they do kiss the dynamic swaps and Robin is left with kind of a crush on her and Lily’s over it and it’s all a joke, and even though they kissed it was a lol girls kissing is hot joke for the whole show, and it never turned into a discussion of sexuality, even if they would both happily stay married in their heterosexual marriages. (And… Uh. Robin stays married okay, I’m pretty sure that was the alternate ending in the DVD unless I hallucinated it out of sheer frustration >.>) Anyway to me it seems pretty natural to read both of them a little queer to full on bi, and if it had gone even a little bit differently Lily especially could be good representation for a bi woman in a relationship with a man who just happens to have ended up falling in love with him and that’s normal and doesn’t invalidate her sexuality? But yeah. No such nuance, so this whole thing barely registers for people and in general people would think it’s all a joke. 

I mean, even Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, which is where that Getting Bi song comes from, has an episode where the main character has a huge rival-crush on the girlfriend of the guy she’s into, and gets so into her she even kisses her, but there’s no exploration of what that means to her and when her boss comes out as bi with that number, no exploration of if she might be as well, even if all these characters eventually might feel more comfortable defining themselves as straight it’s just weird to me there’s all these jokes about it which can go as far as kisses, use overly romantic language or a long-running joke of Lily heavily coming onto Robin or something, and yet unless you’re like a magpie collecting all this stuff it’s all still just noise. 

I bet a ton of people would not even have considered the characters were not-straight, even when directly pointing their eyes at this moment, consider it all as a joke or that it’s just something straight people do sometimes because of the cultural massive repression of bisexuality and the indications in more liberal times and places that when polled people will be majority queer to straight with at least some bi leanings… There’s all these headlines about gen Z being the gayest generation yet, but it’s not something in the water, it’s that previous generations have never dared be as open or consider that they’re non-straight, especially if they are easily attracted to people heterosexually… 

I think the Aaron scene was 90% of the way to what you are describing, minus Dean giving him a raincheck overtly, and Aaron admits it was a ruse before any further tension can follow. I think, having snooped a lot of blog archives in my time, that really was a turning point that got a lot of people convinced of the textual possibilities, especially with the director/writer commentary basically confirming it. And obviously it didn’t work to make EVERYONE see it, although fandom swelled that season and it was a very dramatic moment in the history of bi!Dean and Destiel within fandom. 

To give another example from outside the show, I’ve been watching Black Sails with my friend, who is very straight in mindset, and - major spoilers for that show ahead - the main character is confirmed to be overtly queer in the  middle of the second season. I think I know exactly the point I would have picked up this was a queer narrative in the first season, and what would have made me suspicious about the mysteriously un-revealed backstory. The build up to the reveal was amazing in the second season and I think if you didn’t get it you really need to do a rewatch, because my friend was utterly blindsided by the revelation, only catching on a scene before it happened (she does like guessing and is smart at TV if she knows all the cues to start with). But she’s - sorry - at sea with the character’s motivations and reasons, and understands his earlier actions almost completely backwards to me as she took him on face value for far too long without suspecting there was more than treasure and restoring his name on order, and not understanding his motives to be so political or to want to burn the entire system down or his utter alienation from the system; even after the reveal she didn’t understand the degree to which things were on the line or the forces pressuring him one way or the other. 

(I find it really interesting and I’m not really disagreeing with her, I’m curious how the surface layer all reads tbh :P) 

In any case, I don’t really have much confidence in a wider general audience taking throwaway moments to be full canon, and generally would need declarations and inescapable discussion or plot arcs for it. I think in some ways the trail is being blazed now - when Rosa came out as bi in b99 it had a sort of special episode educating you on it as much as being very sympathetic for bi people to watch and see literally a bulletpoint list of their issues and weird things people say about it acted out on screen. The subplot is basically the masterclass in addressing it. 

(So is the Getting Bi song :P although it covers less of the issues overall, it does make it fun and normalises the idea into a dance routine and deals with someone discovering the label for themselves and being thrilled it makes their life make sense.) 

I don’t think spn should do anything quite so specific or hilarious, but I love @bluestar86‘s concept of an episode which uses flashbacks to reveal Dean’s bisexuality - basically like with Robin in 9x07, but I think even just showing it was a childhood crush and he never figured it all out at the time but meeting the guy later in life makes things make a lot of sense or something… And we already have a template for that without going all the way into it with his reaction to meeting Gunnar Lawless, a childhood celebrity crush. So there’s paths to take which could do it.

But ultimately I think the issue is so messed up and tangled into the main arc that it would be next to impossible to confirm Dean is bi without having an utter drama about why not Destiel, as the two concepts are not, at this point, really separate or that you could have one without the other, though it would be easier to not address Dean’s sexuality in any way of assigning labels or having more than the immediately necessary self-reflection to deal with feelings for Cas without exploring deeper… (Not that I like that idea, it’s just, they could, you know? Not even in a “i don’t like labels” way but just something like Dean going “huh” and then getting together with Cas and literally no one ever makes a fuss or starts up a dialogue about why they’re now holding hands :P) 

But it’s been such a ridiculous, epic, drawn out relationship on screen that making Dean bi independent of Cas would seem bizarre and off-balance without addressing his relationship to Cas. Just because they have such an intense relationship, and within the text of the show are many many references to their relationship on many different levels, from snide comments to enormous declarations. None of this happens in isolation to other storylines or character depth. With the momentum and depth it has in the story, making Dean bi would be seen as a precursor to Destiel, and at this point cruel and strange not to address it and would beg the question of why they ever confirmed him bi in the first place, if not to leave the ship unresolved to the end but to be open for us to imagine it might happen one day when the story is over - or not, if we don’t ship it, and it’s the way to thread a needle to try and keep everyone happy. Which I’m not sure would work except for the people who very specifically would advocate for bi Dean but don’t think a ship is necessary. I mean, I know that’s a chunk of the Dean fandom, and it’s a valid way to read the text, and of course a lot of Destiel shippers are fully aware Dean is bi without any special interference from Cas about that :P 

And, I mean, in the same way, Cas’s story isn’t ALL about Dean and he has a lot of personal growth that doesn’t have to do with him or happens in spite of him in some cases. But it’s still inextricable from Cas’s character how much he loves Dean and how much Dean has meant to him, and they crossed the line of Cas loving Dean, unrequited or not, a long time ago, and Cas has been existing in a subtextual agony of being in love with Dean but seemingly unrequited for a very long time now, as that line was crossed before several season renewals made it  a painful wait for him. This doesn’t exist in a void to Dean’s sexuality either. 

So, I mean, I don’t know. I disagree with you about the general audience thing entirely, and I think this exchange you imagine could easily be absorbed by the GA to not really credit it as a full part of Dean’s character, laugh it off as a joke from him no matter how seriously he delivers it, and generally not remember him as a bisexual character. Because to straight viewers, they aren’t seeking out sexuality hints and confirmations, and such things don’t really affect their view of a character unless it becomes a textual romance. It has all the meaning sucked from it by their lack of interest and inability to sympathetically mould the character’s inner life based on their own experiences that match. If they’re not making a study of the character, these things can be dismissed as white noise, and in a few years time, a Buzzfeed article of “10 Pop Culture Characters You Never Knew Were Gay!” or something.

And it’s like, yes. We knew. We knew all along. We knew before it happened. But that doesn’t affect how people think of it.

So it feels to me like the only way if they wanted to make a real point of Dean being bi is to have the frank discussion, and devote a proper subplot amount of time to Dean’s sexuality, enough that it is clear and inescapably affecting him, or to confirm it via a relationship which would in this case conveniently by answered by the angel he’s been subtextually pining for for years, and who has his own arc of being pretty overtly in love with Dean to answer… should the show decide to go with addressing Dean’s sexuality, they have put a LOT of work into having this relationship ready and waiting, I’m just saying :P And if they only had an Aaron but x10 scene, it would STILL not really affect anything except layers below GA  - there’ll be more queer viewers who see it for the first time, and within these four walls it will obviously never be forgotten and will be a huge part of how Dean is celebrated by fandom, but I just can’t see it making an impact unless it’s more than a passing moment, because those get swallowed by a heteronormative void…

[demialwrites]

False Start Ch 2

Link to AO3 Page

This makes some references to the first chapter, and it’s been a while, so here it is. This is basically Reader’s first time, and they have it with Genji. ^^

Props to those OW imagines blogs who can write shit similar to this and not fucking blush and almost die. I have respect for you.

Genji didn't push you after the first attempt to try again. Some time went by, and he did bring it up once. He asked if you wanted to make another attempt. You expressed concerns about whether or not he would fit, because he didn't last time. He wiggled his fingers at you and said, "Let me know if I can be of assistance with that."

Then he grinned at your embarrassment and wrapped his arms around your torso, gently pinning your arms to your body, rocking you back and forth. You automatically bent your elbows upward to wrap your arms around his.

Genji always showed a lot of affection, more than you could ever need. And it was always careful and gentle. It was as if he wasn't sure at what point any roughness from his cyborg body would hurt you, and he was constantly trying to avoid finding out. Perhaps he felt a little guilt from hurting you during the first attempt at sex months ago.

Nonetheless, the way Genji was with you came off as very tender. One could call it loving. It had the side effect, intentional or not, of quickly nurturing some strong romantic feelings. Before you knew it, you started to wonder if you had stronger feelings for him than he did for you. You'd never been so happy to see or touch someone in a long time. He always made time for you, so you guess he felt the same.

It didn't help that Genji looked at you with a strong, unidentifiable emotion in his eyes sometimes. He took his visor off more and more, the more often you both spent time together. It was overwhelming trying to hold his gaze when that happened. It seemed to make things worse when you looked away. When you did that, he just moved in to be close like he was doing now, which seemed to increase the feeling and making you a little flustered.

Something occurred to you, and you had to ask.

"I'm happy it turned out like this, but what made you think that what we did wasn't going to be a one night stand?"

Judging by the angle of his helm, he seemed to be staring into space before. He lifted his chin and observed you before answering.

"I made the assumption that you were not that kind of person. I'm glad I was right," he replied, the smile evident in his voice.

His answer made something click and slide into place inside you.

"Maybe we could...maybe you could help me now."

"Really?"

He sounded hopeful.

"Yeah," you replied, forcing some confidence into your voice. You were okay with this; you were just nervous.

Genji didn't move, however.

"Right now, right now?" he asked, as if he didn't believe what he was hearing.

"Yes," you insisted, expanding your arms from your body and his fell away in turn, "Now, before I lose my nerve."

Genji took your hand and led you back to your room. You couldn't help but be reminded of the time he followed you back to your room after that particular mission.

Once while inspecting Genji's hands, you made an offhand comment that he should wear a condom over them while fingering you, in case he pinched your insides with the knuckle joints. You were sure that you were worrying over nothing, so you never brought it up again. But Genji had condoms and lube ready.

"Genji, I was kinda joking," you told him, while taking your clothes off and tossing them haphazardly on the floor, out of the way. Genji had no need to take anything off, the lucky man. He merely removed the plates covering his face and sat on the bed.

"No, I think it's a good idea. I have not touched someone like this since I got this body."

"But you have...had sex?"

For some reason, it embarrassed you to ask.

"Oh? Yes. At the time I was surprised they wanted to - have sex with a cyborg, I mean - but I have accepted it now."

You wanted to argue with him, but he would probably consider you biased. You loved his body, and maybe he didn't.

"Anyway, I am worried you will be reluctant to try anything more involved if I hurt you with my fingers."

You wanted to tell him it wasn't true, but he was being sweet. So you held your tongue and instead sat facing Genji on his lap. You were still a tiny bit nervous, you admit.

"Before we get started," he began, running his hands up and down your hips, "there was something important we didn't do the first time. No foreplay."

There was that intense look again, softened only slightly by a sly smile.

The warm up was sloppy. Genji intended to rub your clit, but you couldn't help pressing the entire area to his palm. The material it was made of felt fantastic to grind against. All he had to do was apply pressure. You hungrily pressed your open mouth to his, and he returned your desperate enthusiasm. Genji's free arm hugged your lower back, and you explored the interlocking parts of Genji's back with your fingertips.

It was embarrassing how soon your mind hazed over, pressing down harder on Genji's hand. He held it steady and firmly rubbed. Seems you had both been waiting for this moment. You moaned into his mouth in lieu of saying his name. Eventually, you broke the kiss and pinned him with a heated stare.

"Finger me," you demanded.

His smile was lazy and his eyes clouded with lust from the makeout session. The sight drew you closer. He slid his bottom lip, slick with saliva, through his teeth. You were so close to pressing your lips to his again, despite your demand for a change of pace.

Genji flopped back on the bed, and you fell forward on his chest with a surprised noise. Genji chuckled and grabbed a condom and the tiny bottle of lube from behind him. You both sat back up. You rested your cheek on his shoulder while he carefully applied the lube to you. He caressed the back of your neck with his free hand.

"That should be enough."

You couldn't help raising an eyebrow when Genji does slide a condom onto his pointer and index fingers.

"I am not taking a chance," Genji insists.

He's being so careful, that your cheeks get warm. You shifted on your knees, getting comfortable and giving Genji permission with a look.

"Hang on to me, if you like," he says, ending the sentence with a quick smooch to your lips and a happy smile. It does comfort you to rest your hands on his shoulders, pressing a few fingers on his round vents.

Your mouth drops open, ready to gasp in anticipation of the pain, but his fingers slid in to the first knuckles no problem.

"It feels really weird," you said. Not surprising, considering it was two artificial fingers shoved into a condom.

"But it does not hurt?"

"No."

He watches your face while pressing his fingers in to the second set of knuckles. There was a sudden burning pain, and you flinched, your eyebrows tightening together. He stopped and pulled back a bit.

"Too far?"

"Yeah, but we're here to do that, aren't we?"

He looked unconvinced. You were worried he would suggest you guys should stop, so you squeezed the part of his shoulder near his neck, for what it's worth. He's never told you to stop touching his body, so perhaps he can feel it in some way.

"What if I took over? You stay still," you suggested.

"If you say so. We could always-"

"No," you shooked your head, "I'm comfortable now."

You closed your eyes. You tried to remember to breathe from your stomach to relax your body. It's working. It burns still, but not too much that you can't work my way down. Then Genji's finger involuntarily twitches and brushes against something extra sensitive. The little bit of pleasure feels like a relief compared the uncomfortable stretch, and it makes your eyes fly open in surprise. He corrects the bend of his fingers, thinking he did something wrong.

"No, don't stop."

"Hm?"

Genji must have figured it out, because he curled his fingers further, gently petting the swollen node inside. This time you squeezed Genji's shoulders because of the burn from the movement of his fingers. You bit your lip, powering through the pain.

Genji inclined his head.

"It's fine," you assured him.

It was worth it, as you had fantasized numerous times about Genji's unique hands pleasuring you. That made this extra intense, and you had the greedy feeling of wanting more than you could have. Eventually, the good feeling deep inside outweighed the pain. And then the pain disappeared altogether.

You closed your eyes and leaned forward, resting your forehead between his chest pieces. Just enjoying the feeling of Genji's fingers inside you, and the fact that you were comfortable with it. That felt like a win. You let out a deep, relaxing breath.

"You know," Genji began, and you could feel a faint vibration in his chest while he spoke, "this is about my size. Maybe a little bigger."

You lifted your head in surprise to look at him.

"W-we don't have to," he quickly added, his fingers still making the gentle little movements inside.

He looked a little guilty for having even suggested you try the real thing today. You seriously considered it for a second before smiling and agreeing.

Genji quickly withdraws his fingers with a ridiculous wet sound and a suppressed smile.

"Come, come," he says, patting the middle of the bed.

"Missionary is just fine for your first time. I think you'd agree."

Your agreement is to lie back on the bed, resting your head on the pillow. Genji crawls on top, supporting his weight with his hands on either side of your shoulders. He gives you a reassuring kiss.

"Hey. You are doing well."

You nod.

Genji leans back to sit on the bed. You let him arrange your legs on the bed to his liking. He asks you if you're okay while removing the black cover on his crotch. His eyes close and there's quiet sigh of relief when his cock flops out, fully hard. He looks up at you, and you can tell with the wider eyes and barely noticeable downward curve of his mouth that he's worried about what you'll think of the state of the skin on his length.

"I'm fine," you laugh nervously, remembering to answer his question. Because he's been really sweet this whole time, you can't help but try to lighten his mood, "It...matches!"

When he realizes when you're referring to the scars on his face and his dick, he makes an "oh" face. Then he breaks into loud laughter that he can't seem to stop. There's a few tears. You're not sure if you should be offended or laugh with him. When his laughter dies down to giggles with quivering shoulders, you can't help grinning along.

"I love you...but that was awful."

You're shocked, and he looks horrified. It's his turn to have a rosy blush and look away this time. This is something you haven't seen on him before. If it wasn't awkward for him at this moment, you would have told him how cute he was.

"You love me?!"

You're ridiculously happy. You weren't sure Genji felt as strongly as you did. Now that you knew, you wanted to hear it again. The three words sounded beautiful in his voice, distortion and all.

You're up on your knees in front of him in a flash, grinning like an idiot. You take his chin in hand, grasping at the metal encasing it, and you turn his face firmly towards yours. Thankfully, he doesn't resist.

"Hey," you almost whisper, in case, for some silly reason, being too loud scares him off, "I love you, too."

He looks into your eyes for a few, long seconds. It's nerve-wracking; maybe you didn't say the right thing. Then his facial expression softens, and he leans forward to give you an equally soft kiss, maintaining his stare and dragging your bottom lip with his lips before letting go.

"Lie down," he requests.

He crawls back on top, intending to get started. Because he's not down there to see, he finds your entrance by with gentle pats of his fingertips. He goes nice and slow with the next part, the actual insertion. He holds the head of his cock at your slick hole, and it feels better than you thought it would. You can't help biting your bottom lip again and spreading your thighs for more. He pressed the forehead of his helmet to yours, so that you had no choice but look to look into his soft brown eyes. They sparkle with amusement, as if each of you exchanging declarations of love was a shared secret.

"Relax," he reminds you, "I'm here. We can stop at any time."

Genji closed his eyes and distracted you with kisses as slow as the speed at which his length slides in. He stops once to ask if the angle is okay. You nod again.

"There's a little bit of stretching, but I can handle it."

In fact, it's feeling very much like it's worth it. Your clit is starting to pulse and demand more attention. Arousal seems to make things easier, so you reach down between the two of you to touch yourself. Genji groans softly and stops kissing you to drop his forehead into the pillow next to your head.

"Let me enjoy how tight you are."

You wondered if it felt as good to him as it felt to have him inside you. Warm and with a kind of satisfying fullness you'd never experienced with your own fingers.

"Ready to start?"

You hummed your agreement, and he began to kiss down from your cheek to your neck.

"If it hurts, I'll distract you."

He continues to kiss your neck, and his hips start to move slowly. He slides in and out with shallow thrusts. He goes as slow as he can. You release a breath when the painful stretch begins again. It's minimal, and Genji starts to nip at my skin, little bursts of pleasure shooting down my spine, so it's easy to concentrate on the feeling of his mouth on your neck.

"Genji," you begged with a small voice.

He hummed and pulled on your ear gently with his teeth. He sped up his thrusts, and by now, the pain had passed. You could let go of the last bit of tension you didn't know you were feeling and let your legs drop open some more. You could really enjoy the feeling of Genji inside you. Being filled and the resulting feeling of being connected to Genji on a very intimate level. You wrapped your hand around the back of his neck to trace the metal links of his artificial spine.

You lifted your head to glance at the sight of Genji rolling his hips, pumping in and out of you.

"It feels so good," he said, pressing a kiss your mouth, "to be inside you."

It was at this point that all you could do was continue to touch your clit and lie back on into the pillow. Your thighs opened further on their own. Genji whispered encouragement into your ear, each sentence punctuated by kisses to your neck. Each supportive word helped build the sweet pressure inside your lower stomach.

"You are so tight. I don't think I can hold on any longer..."

You could guess that Genji was very close, because he stopped kissing your neck and buried his face in your neck. Despite that, he still paused all movement to ask if you were okay. At this moment, that was more frustrating than sweet.

"Genji, please don't stop," you begged again. You sounded pathetic, but you were lost in the moment and didn't care. You wrapped your legs around his waist to keep him close, even though he wasn't going anywhere.

Genji leaned up, shifted his weight to his elbows and wove his fingers through yours. Genji resumed thrusting, but you didn't know if he did anything else besides that. It was just you and the pleasurable tension building inside you, until Genji interrupted with strained words.

"Y/n, I love you. Cum with me."

By some miracle, that works. All the tension building in your lower body is released, and your hips lift really far off the bed. It forces a small moan out of your mouth. Genji is quiet when he cums. He whispers 'yes,' to himself a few times and then silence. His whole body shudders afterwards.

"I almost didn't..."

He didn't bother to finish the sentence and instead rolled over to lay next to you. You didn't realize how sweaty you had gotten until now. You wanted to get up and do something about that, but Genji was still holding one of your hands. You remained, melting into the bed and letting the good feelings make your heart sing.

[jillmckenzie1]

We All Suck at Dating

A common lead question in the world of online dating is: “What are you looking for?”

Aside from being a grammatical nightmare, this question poses its own set of anxiety-ridden answers. Because how hard in the paint do you really go in response to this question when you’re on the third line of a burgeoning digital transaction? The words that your thumbs manage to string together will inevitably become the foundation for any further communication (or lack thereof).

Sidebar. Dude, didn’t you read my bio? It clearly states, “Looking for a real life human with whom to do rad things. Sucker for good teeth, nice calves, and witty banter. Here for the shirtless gym selfies (you guys, it’s a joke).” Seems pretty self-explanatory to me.

My typical response to the aforementioned question goes something like this: “Surely not looking to get laid off an app. And absolutely not interested in receiving dick pics. Would be great to find a real-life male with whom to do cool shit who also believes in hand-holding, ass-grabbing, Netflix binge-watching, and tag-team Whole Foods shopping.”

Once upon a time, I had a younger guy respond to this answer: “But does our age difference bother you?”

Cough. Cough. He clearly wasn’t aware of my subconscious bias towards younger men.

I replied, “Age is a number. Maturity is a barometer for compatibility. Why? Were you simply trying to send dick pics?”

*unmatch*

I’m sorry, WUT?! Respectable people say goodbye, or they’re not interested, or that they don’t find my humor to be as amusing as I do; they do not just act like [insert desired superlative here] and vanish into thin air (as if I wrote the book on this stuff or something).

Here’s the point. By all means, unmatch me. I don’t give any number of fucks about our premature termination of conversation. The guy I choose is going to choose me in return. He’s going to laugh at the fact that I attempt to turn him on by mentioning that I always return my shopping carts. He’s going to send me memes and screenshots of tiny houses. He’s going to share my affinity towards Mexican food and ask me for my LinkedIn profile instead of my SnapChat handle, and he’ll really mean it when he says that he’s not in search of a booty call.

At the end of the day, I have zero interest in entertaining a guilt-free ghoster. The issue here is the action. Because dammit, it’s hard enough out there. Can’t we all just play by some unstated rules that, at the very least, are governed by the premise of honesty?

I know. It’s asking a lot.

 But that brings me to my next point. About dating. We all suck at it. Yes, all of us. I’m actually quite amazed by how many of us seek to individually claim this title from every rooftop, blog post, and digital message warehouse. At the risk of sounding arrogant, I just don’t think there’s anything unique about it.

We. All. Suck.

A small bit of evidence exists in our mutual affection towards Netflix and chill. I’ve seen enough dating profiles in these last few years to make one overarching and absolutely assertive statement: when given the choice, we’ll all opt for a night spent on the couch in sweatpants eating ice cream with our dog over any nightclub and party scenario. Seriously, I have yet to encounter any male in the digital stratosphere who prefers the latter.

Because, in my humble opinion, no one wants to find his or her significant other in a bar. Absolutely not. For some, sure, the bar provides a perfect backdrop for the infamous one-night stand; I’m quasi-drunk and you’re quasi-cute (could be up for debate in the morning), so in the words of Marvin Gaye, “Let’s get it on.”

But a match–someone who challenges us and makes our lives a whole hell of a lot better (even on the worst days)–yeah, we’re not walking into any bars with the expectation of finding a soulmate.

And, despite our current aversion to commitment that is fueled by our unrelenting fear of missing out alongside our limitless access to infinite information and individuals, we do want a soulmate. Not because we believe in this antiquated ideology that only one person was made for us. No, millennials don’t walk into this world with the Shakespearian belief that compatibility is reserved for a single Romeo and his Juliet.

We more appropriately approach the definition of “soulmates” as two people who show up to participate in a revolutionized companionship. We are a generation that fully understands the power of choice, and we want to exercise this right romantically as much as we want to frequent farmer’s markets in lieu of spending our dollars at chain grocery stores. We believe in making ourselves whole, as individuals, in order to more powerfully stand beside someone who is doing the same. So, we choose ourselves as the catalyst to choose our other.

And yet, even inside of this space of a beautiful and raw and authentic desire to find a forever partner-in-crime, we’re still ghosting and we’re still sending dick pics. I’m sorry, rescind. We’re still sending dick videos. Yes, apparently, I graduated into some upper echelon of male debauchery.

Let me expand. A guy who I sparingly chatted with months ago decided to Snap me one lonely night in February (if you don’t know what “Snapping” is, keep it that way). I opened the video (which is the extent of my SnapChat proficiencies), and bam, hello, hi. My brain immediately hit overdrive as I considered throwing my phone 23 feet across the entirety of my Airstream.

I’m sorry, I haven’t spoken to you since November – neither did any previous conversation incite such ridiculous swapping of privates – and I’m now supposed to be the proud recipient of your amateur x-rated video?! Please, no. PLEASE NO.

Of course, I fired back something saucy (as if I’m going to save the world one indecent digital exposure at a time). And in the spirit of true chivalry (insert massive eyeroll here), he said that it was a mistake: “Wrong Stephanie.”

I actually can’t even (read: bull-fucking-shit).

But my potential diatribe inside an app that was literally designed to delete user history wouldn’t be saving anyone. My only hope at such a stage is the block feature because, at the end of the day, I simply don’t have time for this nonsense. Much like I don’t have time for the old flame (think college) who thought it was cute to slide into my DMs with questions about the kind of underwear I happened to be wearing. Or, the fact that exhibit B continues to patronize me with pet names (even after we established, months ago, that a romantic relationship between us would simply be settling).

Newsflash: y’all aren’t cute. YOU ALL ARE NOT CUTE.

And around we go, hiding behind our phone screens because we want the one (or at least one of the viable ones) to drop into our lives with the same level of excitement experienced by teenagers across America when Usher finally released his third studio album, 8701.

If you ask me, the going around is getting quite old. In fact, my motion sickness is at an all-time high. In the metaphor, I’m projectile vomiting out the back passenger-side window. Don’t ask me who’s driving. I don’t know.

What I do know is that I’m not puking alone.

Fact one. We’re drowning in our individual and collective nausea without any idea of how to stop the damn car. Or, at very least, slow it down. And we sure as hell don’t know where it’s going.

Fact two. Together, we are more powerful than the driver. But I’m not sure if we believe that (yet), and if we do believe it, I’m not sure that we know how to take control of the wheel (yet).

Because I would hate for us to resign ourselves to the fact that this whole dating thing is out of our control. I would hate for our desire of depth to become clouded by our habitual superficiality. I would hate for us to throw away our integrity in the name of conformity.

And I write this to us because I write this to myself. Plot twist, people. I, too, suck at dating. My judgment of those without an inkling of digital wit is embarrassingly high. It is standard issue for me to ghost anyone who resorts to asking me about my day within the first 24 hours of communication.

We just met. It’s fine. My day was fine. Am I supposed to tell you what I ate for lunch? Or about the conversation that I had with my mom? Or the hours I spent browsing Amazon for a new duvet cover?

Seriously, ask me anything else. And, please, I beg you, be funny. And charming (but not too charming). Our future depends on it.

Case in point. In a land far, far away, some guy asked me if I’d ever seen a movie titled La Strada. Clearly, not English. My answer was (and still is) no.

He wrote, “It’s foreign, so you have to be okay with subtitles.”

Well, no shit.

Me: “Great, I learned to read at a young age and quickly surpassed all of my peers, so this is promising.”

*crosses fingers and begs for a witty response*

His reply: “I like that answer. I need someone confident in what sets them apart.”

No dice.

*waves white flag*

I surrender. I absolutely surrender.

And by “surrender,” I mean that I simply fell off the face of the planet, never to associate with this poor guy (who probably had zero interest in sending a dick pic, let alone a dick video) ever again.

I just didn’t have it in me to push through in hopes of unearthing my very own Steve Carrell.

I’ll give you ten minutes. Make ‘em count. Effortlessly get me to laugh out loud, and I’ll strongly consider fraternizing as real-life people.

Hold up. Real. Life. People.

Yes, let’s be very clear, any digital union that transpires in human-to-human interaction is call for a good old-fashioned golf clap. Because it’s an anomaly by anyone’s standards.

So here we are. Together. Meandering through the airwaves and the land mines. Motion sick beyond measure. And I’d like to believe that we’re not helpless here, so my challenge is that we take control of the car. My challenge is that we align our actions and our words. Because there is nothing sexier than honesty. And honesty–honesty will save us. Also, humor. But mostly honesty.

We must be able to articulate for who or what we are looking. It is a common lead question because it is the question. It provides the foundation for action and expectation so, to revisit my initial commentary, we should go as hard in the paint as humanly possible (think Zion Williamson type shenanigans) in our responses. Because this answer allows us to proceed in a space where vulnerability is safe–whether we both swiped right in a sea of digital profiles or, quite literally, ran into each other in the singles line of our favorite chairlift.

You do not have to be in the search for serious. But you do owe the community your truth. The power is in your voice. And please, for the love of all things beautiful, let’s commit to considerate farewells that make “ghosting” so 2018 (as in, bye).

Speaking of bye and the singles line and chairlifts, I had to text my ex-boyfriend the other day to get back my second key fob for the entrance to my RV park

I refuse to pay the $20 for a replacement, okay. Judge me.

It had been nearly a month of not communicating, so you can surmise that it was a conversation that I’d been consciously avoiding. To be honest, I had stubbornly supported the idea that he should contact me first.

Obviously, unsuccessful.

So I spent hours typing and re-typing and then re-re-typing some ridiculous message that started with a Nugget update and ended with, “Oh yea, I need that key fob back.” I then spent hours deciphering and re-deciphering and then re-re-deciphering his response: “No problem. I’ll bring it to work and you can swing by one day and grab it when you’re done riding.” Please note, there is nothing cryptic here.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little bit nervous to, once again, look our honesty in the eye. Our ease had existed in our shared interest of doing the work. We had used our voices. And we both believed in the power of a considerate farewell. Also, laughing, there was lots of laughing.

For all intents and purposes, we were great. Apparently, our timing was not.

I’m reminding myself that, at the very least, this relationship taught me that there is hope for our collective whole to be better. It was the catalyst for me to shed an intense layer of distasteful cynicism. And for that, I can willingly embrace the uncomfortable.

It’s just two minutes. It’s just a key fob.

 Dating. It’s still a game of numbers. And we simply need to, in all of our honesty, keep showing up.

Together, we can stop the suck.

from Blog https://ondenver.com/we-all-suck-at-dating/

[gosatsuvns]

Weekly Update #198 - Welcome To Jurassic June!

It's finally time! Jurassic June has arrived, meaning that it has actually been an entire year now ever since we publicly unveiled our next murder mystery GENBA no Kizuna! Because of that, I thought I'll use the first blog post of this year's Jurassic June to not only give you an overview of what we have planned for this month, but also to take a look back at what has happened over the past 12 months, what kind of things have changed and how the development of our new visual novel project is progressing in general. So without further ado, let's get right into it!

First of all, for those of you who might have stumbled upon GENBA only recently and might therefore be wondering... What exactly is Jurassic June and why did we pick this month to make the initial reveal?

Jurassic June is mainly a month for fans to celebrate the Jurassic Park/Jurassic World franchise, but I guess in a broader sense, dinosaurs in general. So now you might be asking, okay, and what does that have to do with GENBA? Well, the direction and theme of GENBA have been heavily influenced by my love and passion for all things Jurassic.

I've been a dinosaur nerd ever since kindergarten and one day, after having already come up with the basic idea for GENBA, while thinking about its setting... I decided to have it themed around dinosaurs. Similar to how our previous project, SHINRAI - Broken Beyond Despair, is themed all around Halloween (another thing I'm very passionate about).

But even in SHINRAI, I couldn't help but hide a Jurassic Park reference here or there...

My first idea for GENBA was to actually have the murder occur in the dinosaur section of a natural history museum. But over time, the idea evolved and the setting eventually turned into the Kaseki Residence. Once home to the late paleontologist Prof. Dr. Genshi Kaseki, it is now owned by his grandson, Ryuunosuke Hazama, who lives there together with his three friends, all of whom are enormous dinosaur nerds. So, just like with SHINRAI's Halloween theme, the dinosaur theme in GENBA is well reflected in the design of its characters and location:

(And as you can probably imagine, there are Jurassic Park references to be found here as well, because how could I resist? w)

Still, as much fun as I'm having with this theme and setting, this isn't just about me indulging in my passion for dinosaurs. Just like with SHINRAI, the two most important factors for me in regards to this project are providing a compelling mystery as well as compelling characters. As a matter of fact, it's the characters who always take the top spot for me when it comes to working on such a project, so I put a lot of effort into creating GENBA's cast.

We have already introduced the four playable protagonists last year. You can check out their profile cards in the GENBA section of our website. However, these four just make up one part of the full picture. We have four investigators/detectives and, of course, a victim. However, you still need a little more than that in a murder mystery. While witness characters, for example, could be a nice addition, they rather fall into the "optional" category, though. You don't necessarily need any to write a murder mystery. But there is something else you need rather desperately. One other category of characters outside of "victim(s)" that is absolutely essential: "suspects".

GENBA no Kizuna will provide a total of four suspects. And this Jurassic June, we want to focus on them a little more.

You might have already seen a bit of them here or there if you've been following us for a while and, of course, patrons have been able to check out the initial design sketches ever since last year. But I thought it's about time to finally reveal them publicly, so please look forward to that later this month (or check out our Patreon if you want to learn more right now)!

Of course, there are a few other things I want to show and talk about this Jurassic June as well, but for now, I'd like to get back to GENBA in general and, as promised in the beginning, talk a bit about the past 12 months and the state of our progress.

If you take a look at the initial character introduction cards I posted last year and compare them with the ones currently found on our website, you will undoubtedly notice that they have changed a bit. Some changes might be more obvious, others a little more subtle. A lot of tiny details have changed over the course of this past year, like the story now taking place in September rather than June, or Rei's age having been adjusted. Everything has been a constant work-in-progress right down to such seemingly insignificant details. That's actually one of the main things I've been working on ever since last Jurassic June: ironing out the details and direction of the story. I wish I could talk about this in more detail, but due to spoilers, I guess that will have to wait until after the game has been released. Maybe in the extras section or something, haha.

Either way, I'm more certain and even more confident about many story-related things now compared to one year ago. And to me, that is a big step. Writing an engaging murder mystery really is no easy task. With a story so heavily relying on logic and realism there is a lot of research required. The devil truly lies in the detail.

It's very difficult to give a percentage of how much progress has been made or an estimate of how long it might take until the game will be finished. I've tried that in the past with SHINRAI, only to realize that I've always been way off, so I'd rather not make promises I cannot keep again. You always have to keep in mind that, in the end, we're just a team of basically two people, so... it sadly takes a while. Especially in the beginning because, when starting a new project, the workload is extraordinarily high. You literally have nothing and need everything: sprites, backgrounds, CGs, music, a written script, sound effects, a fully designed and coded GUI and so on and so forth. That's what we've mainly been dealing with over the past 12 months: asset creation.

On the flipside, this also means that, the more assets are created, the faster we will be able to make coding progress. After all, it's not like each and every chapter needs the exact amount of new assets. Eventually, you will have all the expressions you need for a character, for example. When we got to the final chapter of SHINRAI, all of Raiko's sprites were already there. Same with most of the other characters. So rather than having to spend a lot of time creating more assets again, we could mostly use those we had already created for the previous chapters. GENBA will be very much the same. The closer we will get to the end, the more drastically the workload will subside. But of course, right now, there is still a lot to do.

That's the downside of being a tiny indie dev. So, if you'd like to support us, please consider checking out our Patreon. We would appreciate it a lot. And to those of you who have been supporting us there or even still are: thank you so much! It really makes a difference and helps us out a lot. Without this additional help, it would be very difficult to commission Solo Acapello for GENBA's soundtrack or to compensate our proofreader Ariette for her work.

Still, I do have to admit that, even if things once again took way longer than expected, overall I'm very happy and proud regarding the progress we have made so far. I mean, hey, at the very least, we have finally managed to release a first demo for GENBA! And we're hard at work to follow up with that extended demo as soon as possible.

Anyway, this is starting to get a little too long I guess, so I should probably wrap this up. I will tell you more throughout the rest of Jurassic June and I hope you're as excited to learn about our suspects as I am to finally reveal them in public!

Patrons can actually get an early look at a bunch of things I have planned to show publicly later this month and check out various WIP-postings, including the first one for this month's Jurassic-themed artwork! And speaking of monthly artworks, don't forget to check out the one Natsu drew for May, which was themed all around tsuyu, the rainy season:

As always, patrons can download a higher resolution version over here.

The image features one of GENBA's four main characters, Himatsu Mizu. She does not appear in our current demo yet, but patrons can learn a little more about her by checking out not only her introduction scene in GENBA, but even her original introduction scene from... 2008!??

So yeah, I guess that's about it. Please enjoy the rest of your weekend! Until next Saturday, take care, and... Happy Jurassic June! :3