#‘​and who am I without songs / my greatest love / can never lose that no’

[hi-intrepid-heroes]

not to do this to yall again but

[lhrry]

can you please make a compilation of harry’s house / faith in the future parallels?

so I decided to  make this broader and rather suggest different possible readings, so while some are very overt and some are more conceptual or subjective and produced by my own reading of each album. the best thing about some of these, though, is that they are not the same or parallel per se, but more like two sides of the same story/responding to one another!

no title song but rather an overarching concept as the title of the album

the way both albums keep returning to the idea of change, dancing between resisting and accepting it, sometimes borderline celebrating it

Things haven't been quite the same, there's a haze on the horizon, babe... [...] I've never been a fan of change, but I'd follow you to any place // tell you I'm on my way, nothing could make me late, said I had a plan for us, time it came and changed it all

In this world, it's just us, you know it's not the same as it was // and the element of change + continuing to go on together in you and me until the end waking up to start again

In this world, it's just us, you know it's not the same as it was // you and me until the end waking up to start again

nobody stays the same, no matter how much you want it, some things change

I remember back at Jonny's place, it's not the same anymore // eg a trip down memory lane, houses all look the same, there’s different names on the gates, you know the people have changed, oh it’s such a shame, nothing stays the same

Louis’ different version of you know it’s not the same as it was, such as nobody stays the same, no matter how much you want it, some things change; we knew that all would change; before the world it got so serious, before the time it got away from us...

Also the resistance to change for Louis in eg When somebody told me I would change, I used to hide behind a smile, is felt in as it was or even more explicitly in late night talking

Louis also has these nothing actually changed/resistance to change moments (common people, nothing’s changed/, we’re still the same inside)

talking/not talking 

So when you find out what we're fighting for, I'll be ready to talk // am I bothering you, do you wanna talk?

Do you wanna talk? We share the last line, then we drink the wall, 'Til we wanna talk // there were problems in this empty bottle, at the bottom, but we drained all that

we’ve been doing all this late night talking, ‘bout anything you want until the morning // the jokes and songs in silver tongues (nights like these we’ll remember..)

I don't wanna talk about the way that it was // we can talk about it, it’ll only make it worse, there’s a time for sayin’ who did what where it went wrong I wanna hear all that but tight now etc. (also I won’t say a word, it can wait til the morning)

I’m in an LA mood, I don’t wanna talk to you vs I can still hear your silence

I’m here, right here, wishing I could be there for you // the sentiment in angels fly, especially the “I’m on my way”

Harry, you’re no good alone // alone we’re just as good as the rest

Answer the phone, “harry you’re no good alone, why are you sitting at home on the floor? What kind of pills are you on?” ringin’ the bell and nobody’s coming to help // I’m on my way with some time to borrow […] I’ll knock on your door it’ll save me from callin’

The reminder to look up to the sky in angels fly vs holding me back, gravity’s holding me back

The sentiment of finding community and chosen family in Matilda and All This Time 

I said you know me, alone we're only, just as good as the rest, together we're the greatest, […] it's you and me until the end, life for us is never over and the different ways in which Louis says I love you and it’s us until the end // harry’s there’s just no getting through, without you, just me and you, love of my life, etc.

I don't want you to get lost // cos I'm a hard man to lose, but I figured it out 

Stay green a little while, You bring blue lights to dreams // blue like the lights surrounding me, it all seems so different when I'm around it, see all these waves and waves of green, keep on coming like a dream, until nothing is the same 

nothing is original, there's nothing left to say // nothing to say when everything gets in the way 

not harry's house but also if you read the greatest as for and about the fans at the shows, there are parallels with lights up (talked about here) and also worth mentioning louis’ no falling all to pieces // harry’s falling

elements of boyfriends and written all over your face, as you're giving me the silent treatment, don't know what it's achieving // it gets hard to know what he's thinking, you love a fool who knows just how to get under your skin

I'll do everythin' I can, To help you through, If you're feelin' down, I just wanna make you happier, baby, Wish I was around, I just wanna make you happier, baby, we've been doing all this late night talking // you know when I'm with you I'm so much happier, nights like these we'll remember the songs we wrote etc.

the entirety of keep driving and silver tongues conceptually

I think these songs most obviously mirror and respond to each other, both being very “just you and me” songs

with keep driving being a collection of things and probably inside jokes only harry and the person he wrote the song for understand and silver tongues having own version in “and I choked when your smoke got in my eye, bad logic and empty cans, I know nobody understands me like you do” where he illustrates the faulty logic of choking because of smoke in his eye, + the repetitions of nobody understands me like you do

You smile at me and say, “It’s time to go”, but I don't feel like going home as an answer to I would ask, "Should we just keep driving?"

we shout some things that we'll regret, sit down with a masterplan I know nobody understands me like you do again sounds like the entirety of keep driving basically

maple syrup, coffee pancakes for two, hash brown, egg yolk, I will always love you // you me until the end, wakin’ up to start again (there’s even breakfast and waking up, hello?)

we’ll remember those stupid jokes only we know, you know, when I’m with you I’m so much happier, nights like these, we’ll remember those songs we wrote only we know and the entirety of keep driving

there's nowhere else that I would rather be // You're always there, so don't overthink

and I'm the one who will stay, oh // you know the party’s over, when you’re standing in an empty space alone 

babe // babe 

you got the cinema // if you believe a guy’s Superman, there selling tickets at the cinema

cause loving you’s the real thing, it just feels right // can we please get back to loving when it’s good it’s really something

whatever gets you through the darkest night, just find the light out in the madness, hold tight // you showed me a power that is strong enough to bring sun to the darkest day

with me, I know you wanna come with me, take anything you can carry and leave everything else behind // take you with me everytime I go away; I’ve never been a fan of change but I’d follow you to any place, if it’s Hollywood or Bishopsgate I’m coming too

put the pain behind you now, you don't need it anymore // you can let it go and the sentiment of matilda

[phoenixradiant]

Fading

Soooo, I'm mostly a prose writer, but I dabble a bit in poetry and lyric writing, and when it makes sense I like to make the poems/songs about the characters and themes in my prose WIPs. You can probably see where this is going, but awhile back I wrote some stuff for Kelovir, and this is one of those. It has a portion dedicated to Cel, then Narra, then Kar, then a sort of combined finale. I had a melody in mind when writing, but I can't really communicate that sort of thing over text, which sucks. Anyway:

I can't remember when I last could sleep at night. I'm like a pearl, hiding painful sands inside. What I've lost, what I've seen Things man was never meant to know! I can't and I won't let it go...

No matter where I stay and no matter where I roam I don't think I've ever quite been home. And part of me still wonders, when I find my home at last, Will I still be scared by terrors from my past?

I'm haunted by the phantoms of all those I've left behind. They linger in the crannies of my mind. We cared for one another, but I should have known that you Would one day come, come back to haunt me too.

Shattered heart, Torn apart, Pain I think I've felt before! Swallowed whole, Burning soul, Pain I knew was kept in store...

Is this a revelation? Or just another hallucination? Is the truth all I can do is die, Or is there another truth that I Have missed, Missed while I'm watching, waiting? Will you always be here? Or will I face my greatest fear? I know deep down, don't you lie to me, I know the answer has to be That you, Like all the rest are fading! Fading away...

Just another coward in a world full of hate In fear I make myself a reprobate I could have stopped the bloodshed, should have denounced it whole. Cried "We won't behave like animals!"

When I bent the knee in fear to all-consuming flame, I should have known I'd be burnt all the same. Now pictures of an ideal world pound on my head like drums, I'll do anything to make that world come.

Shattered glass, Growling rasps, Pain I've never felt before!. Losing hope, Hangman's rope, But not for me, this pain's for more!

Is this a revelation? I tremble with anticipation! To change the world's not hard to do, Just melt it down, then forge anew But I Know that my world is flaming! Maybe it costs too much, I feel guilt's cold, crushing touch I feel my heart's encased in ice, But it still hurts to pay the price I chose, My pain is still not fading! Not fading away...

I don't remember when I last felt hate like this! Emotion true, not feigned and full of wist! What I've felt, who I've been, What's occurred 'neath darkened sky! These memories will never die!

Put a man in fire and you'll see beneath the shroud, Take heed of silhouettes against the clouds. Another day, another lie, Don't know who I am inside, Something darkness cannot hide!

Truth at last, Deep and vast, Cannot break the mirror's gaze! Not a friend, In the end, I'm alone against the blaze!

This is a revelation! I'm a beast risen above his station! And every single lie I've told, And every time my heart's gone cold, I know Will haunt me, I'm just waiting! Find peace in my forsaken! In the honor that I'd once mistaken, For worthless lies to soothe our souls, When virtue is what makes us whole, I serve The world, though I am fading! I'm fading away...

Bearer of the Brand! The Liar King's right hand! The Prophecy speaks of a final stand! Daughter of the Flame! Consumed now by the same! Cursed by the weight of her mother's name! King raised up from lies! Truth shines in his eyes! Stirred up by the fear in his people's cries! Demon born of love! Who scorns the white-winged dove! And raised up both her fists against the gods above!

Watch the corpses' twisted dance. Feel their withered, icy hands, The souls within, they sway and spin, Like birds without a nest in which to land. Smile as you feel the pain. You'll never be whole again Though you yearn, you'll never learn, The sun forever hidden by the rain Where is our revelation? Can we heal from our desecrations? No matter how we strain and try, Our throats still shout this mournful cry: "We are The monsters we created!" We eat ash and drink smoke Of fiery words that we have spoke! Though marked with seals of destiny, Fate's works are marked with cruelty, We see Now, see we're all but faded... We've faded away...

[chwenotchoi]

[ kim tae-ri, cis female, she/her ] - was that CHOI HYE-JIN i saw by the lighthouse today? i heard that the TWENTY SEVEN year old who has been in nightrest for A MONTH and works as a/an HOSTESS has a reputation of being CHARMING, but also DECEITFUL. they reside in ASHMORE & people in town usually associate them with RED LIPSTICK, BLACK CATS, and WILTED ROSES. let’s hope the killer doesn’t go after them next.

*taps into the mic* hello, hello. is this thing on?

hi! i'm dee, your new (favorite) provider of all-things angsty! i am so excited to be here and to write with all of you :--) without further ado, let me write a very... brief introduction for my baby, hye-jin! <3

tw: abandonment, murder, sexual harassment, all things illegal

full name: choi hye-jin nickname/s: jinnie, yeji birth date: october 5, 1995 age: 27 years old birth place: daegu, south korea marital status: single blood type: o zodiac sign: libra mbti personality type: entj

choi hye-jin is the eldest daughter of a notorious criminal (choi duri) and a well-known businesswoman (song eun-jung) in daegu. her mother's family, of course, did not approve of this. it resulted for them to use their influence to get rid of hye-jin and her father. luckily, the two managed to escape with the help of the gang he's involved with.

hye-jin and her father lived in incheon. this is also where he met park do-yun, the only daughter of the gang leader in the said city. he loved her dearly, and eventually had a son when hye-jin was 9 years old. right after giving birth, do-yun did not survive as she lost a huge amount of blood during labor.

this leads to duri losing the love of his life, as well as his mind. he did all things to distract himself from being reminded that do-yun passed away. he was never home, leaving hye-jin to take care of the boy while their father did whatever he wanted outdoors. this went on for years!

aside from becoming the gang's greatest member, he would also cause trouble from left to right. his gang is there to back him up of course, but there are also times where in a young hye-jin would be the one to help him clean up his mess.

when she was 15, she had a fight with her dad who came home drunk and angry. he was screaming at her, blaming her for every miserable thing that had happened in his life. from being exiled in his hometown to losing the love of his life. hye-jin never understood why she was the one to blame, especially when she was just at home, taking care of her step-brother and providing everything that she can. she worked different jobs while studying, since their father barely gave anything to support them.

as expected, hye-jin eventually got involved with her father's line of work. it pays good money, and she would do anything to survive. from scamming to injuring people, you can count on her. just make sure you have the means to pay for her services.

the gang's leader eventually saw the potential in hye-jin. he made sure hye-jin had everything she could need, in exchange of her loyalty to him. this was a deal that she could never say no to. so whatever it is that he wanted her to do, she's got it covered.

this includes getting rid of duri. who has been stealing money from the gang and cause nothing but trouble lately. but since hye-jin is known for getting the job done efficiently, she was the one assigned to execute choi duri.

definitely, it was a difficult job for the girl. she was barely 18 and that is her father. but she would rather have him dead rather than penniless and hungry. she was offered a huge amount of money for this. which is honestly more than enough to support her and her younger brother. the gang's leader keeps his word. and he also assured her that they will be moving somewhere far away once she gets it done.

and so she did. the next thing she knows is that she was watching her father bleed to death. other members of the gang took care of the body, while she was packing her things. what she did not know about the whole deal is that her younger brother will not be joining her.

she moved to a different continent at the age of 19. of course, still supported and funded by the leader of the gang she's in. she was able to get into college and live a pretty normal life. she just wished that she can still take care and see her younger brother.

but every now and then, she is still assigned to do things for him. she would spy on people, steal expensive jewelry, and even kill whoever did the gang leader wrong. all that tasks done without any traces that would lead to her.

she is definitely a pro at all things illegal. with her very innocent looks, everyone would not believe that she can do such thing. and everyone will always pick her side because... she mastered the look of being helpless too. a true cunning queen!

she also completed her degree in culinary! she can cook, she can kill. A GIRLBOSS!

eventually, she worked at a well-known hotel. her skills and dedication made it easy for her to become a head chef in three years. she took her time, but as she was about to get promoted, one of the executives of the said hotel sexually harassed her after work. knowing hye-jin's skills in that department... she had this man dead too.

she made sure that it looked like it was suicide. luckily, there were no security cameras on where it happened, and she knew the hotel like the back of her hand. she just cleaned up her mess, neat enough to ensure that the man looked like he killed himself. the next day, hye-jin came to work early and acted as if she discovered the body. this was so well-orchestrated. this lead to her resignation and eventually moved to the small town of nightrest.

she wanted to live a more lowkey life now, so she works as a very friendly hostess at spirits!

personality wise, hye-jin is can be a little snobbish. she's literally a black cat personified. but if you get on her good sides... you're lucky.

she also lives in ashmore because her bank account never runs out of money (thanks to her work and her illegal sidelines hehe)

i think that's about it! i'm pretty open for any sort of plot with her since she's new around town! let me know what you think :) tnx 4 having me here <3

[thequeenofmyownscreen]

TWENTY things I noted about CR2E92 “Home Is Where the Heart Is” and the Talks Machina about it :

look I know this is goddamn fucking long but !! have you considered !! that Miss Marisha Ray has absolutely destroyed my heart this episode !! also so much other stuff happened !!

SAM WHY. this is dis. gus. ting. I got nausea even watching it from 2 years apart.

Sam, on explaining why he was late returning to his seat after the opening : "Just brushed my teeth again." Matt : "Is that how you keep them so large ?" HOLY SHIT MATT the roast is amazing.

Jester cast Dispel Magic on Nott just to see. Travis, as Fjord (at the beginning at least) : "Do you have chills ?... .... Are they multiplyin' ? ♪ Are you looooooooosing controoool ? ♪" Matt, who hates Grease as much as me, notes something on his sheet with a grim smile.

WHAT ? THE WOMAN WHO CURSED NOTT WAS THE SAME WOMAN WHO GAVE BEAU'S FATHER A PATH TO RICHNESS ?? Matt is really out there connecting the dots, huh.

Oh no. Beau really really really does not want to talk to her dad. She said it out loud. And her whole physical behaviour is extremely reluctant.

Nott's go-to song in karaoke ? "Sweet Caroline", but in Abyssal ! THIS IS SO AWESOME let me repeat myself, I fucking love everytime the cast bursts into song, and this was no exception !!!

There's the Leaky Tap. There's the Evening Nip. And now, because they're forgetful, there's the Leaky Nip !! Poor Matt

Marisha is amazing - yes I know you know - but the way she portrays Beau's fear and trauma about returning to a father that was never proud and always wanted her to change ! What an extraordinary scene with an extraordinary actor.

Matt's face, upon realizing that Jester has the handwriting of the Gentlemen and can now "Parent Trap" her mother and father if she wants to (she wants to), is everything.

Oh, how I missed a classic Jester and Nott mess-around (yes, I am referencing this brillant Tv show that was New Girl). Pure chaos !!

IT'S THE RETURN OF THE SYPHILIS BANDITS !!!!!

Meanwhile, Beau and Yasha are just drinking and watching all of this unroll from the hill, like the greatest tv show they've ever watched.

The long-awaited conversation between Yasha and Caleb delivered its promises. "Do you love her ?" "Who ?" "I don't need to tell you who" OH MY GOD !!!!! I don't for sure know who they're talking about. Either way, either Nott or Jester, it's a tragedy.

I love that Marisha plays Beau so well, and Matt knows her character and just her so well, that yes, the DM can absolutely say that the character is "acting a little bit like you first met her" without it being a stretch or not true. Because it is true, it is the vibe. Poor Beau. At this point I felt like the end of the episode was gonna wreck me, and I was right.

No words. Just eternal admiration for Marisha Ray. One hour of extremely tense familial conversation with an asshole father, taht was either abusive or "just" neglectful or both...

Love that on the way out, to support Beau and fuck with her shitty dad on the way out, Nott steals just anything she sees and Yasha threatens her dad and imply the loss of riches could help him remember what's important.

Matt, to Marisha : "It's so weird playing your asshole dad. It's a very strange disassociation exercise !" Liam : "I hope so." LIAM !!!!!

Marisha and Laura together on the couch is such a good combo. They understand each other so much.

I've said it before, but Talks like this, after emotionnal RP episodes like this one, is SO GREAT. Sure, they answer questions, but it's a little less for the audience than to process what happened.

Laura thinks Vex and Beau has common points "daddy issues and little siblings !" and thinks they would get along well together, and Marisha just adds that they would be like "the two head cheerleaders, that are best friends, but also..." and THE REST IS SILENCE while she gives her this look !!

i'm losing my mind. Dani and I went to the same place in 2 seconds.

[shinchiroslxt]

MY DEAR ACHILLES,

If you've found these words written on paper, I'm long gone, probably been killed by a trojan or by your mother, oh my beloved Achilles, oh I love you so— I can already miss the sun gold hair on your head, the grassy green eyes and the softness of your lip's that would keep me stable, the warmth of your rough palms that would protect me from any danger. I never really understood you Achilles, such a beautiful been, The greatest of Greek found a poor exile boy like me interesting, I never really understood what you were thinking but I am glad you choose me. Like the vow for marriage, till death do we part, it crushes me like a boulder when I think about it, I can't imagine a world without the glow of your light to guide me but now your pride has consumed you, your beauty fading; rage and greed for honor and respect replacing it ever so quickly. Achilles, even so, I've never stopped loving you. As you are half of my soul as a poet would say. I still remember the promise you made to me about becoming the first Greek hero to be famous and happy and I hope my death doesn't make you depart from your promise. I still remember the time we would sit by the rocks, throw stones, eat, and gossip, I would observe you quietly, your beauty, your robust structure, your sweet voice, and your kind personality, you are a sight for sore eyes. Sometimes I wish I was born a woman, so I could've borne your child instead of daidemia, do not get me wrong, I do not hate nor envy her just to make that very clear. I'm ashamed to lose a beauty like you, I hope the warmth of your lips could meet mine during my final breaths but what can I do? Lord hades had already called my name, taking me to the Underworld but remember this, even if lost in eternal darkness, I'll find you, even if we change, size, shape, voice, and color, I'll always be able to find you as your presence outshines the rest. I wish I could've lived longer, you're the sun you've never seen the night but you hear its songs from the morning birds and I'm not the moon nor am I a star but the one who sings the tunes to the morning birds. I know your mother didn't like me much, she didn't approve of our relationship, and I don't blame her, I mean I am an exile with nothing to his name, yet you stay with me through thick and thin. I am grateful that I can leave this world with memories of you; why must love hurt like this. you have destroyed yourself and for this, you will be hated for your actions but not by me but by the people that had placed their trust in you. And if you loved me—this could've been avoided, what am I even saying, of course, you love me, you were just blinded by fury and in this story, there is no happy ending, so please do not grieve for I am already dead and even though you are a demi-God, your tears can not bring back the dead but we'll meet again don't know where or when but I know we will meet again perhaps in another life and if that happens I hope you will be set free of your burdens and will be able to enjoy life, love and me. All though it pains me to say this it has to be done, so this will be the first and it shall be the last.

Goodbye, my strawberry blonde

Goodbye my beloved

Goodbye Achilles.

[greatsealed]

have you played fes or portable? it would be interesting to hear your thoughts on how they differ from reload to you!

oh i grew up playing FES & p3p!!!! i would love to go off

i won't lie, persona 3 is an extremely nostalgic and comforting game for me, so i was honestly terrified about a lot of p3r's changes. i remember reading articles months before the game came out about how all of the voice actors for SEES were new and how all of the tracks were gonna be remixed and i was legitimately terrified. i grew up with the original cast and got so attached to them/their careers that i looked up other media that they were in. to this day they are voice actors i can recognize and name right away!

the original soundtrack for p3 is so iconic too and i thought it'd lose its charm when it got remixed, but boy, was i wrong. the new battle theme (it's going down now), the lyrical changes to burn my dread - last battle, even the exam music and changing seasons. UGH, changing seasons has to be my absolute favorite of all of them... adding lyrics to the most catchy part is the best thing they could have done.

i will say (and this might be nostalgia talking), i am still really sad that yumi kawamura got replaced as the singer for nearly every song. i think the main songs that mess with me are the ones where her iconic vocals are replaced ("deep mentality" Specifically doesn't sound right with the new vocals imo), but on the whole, i like a ton of the new songs and the remixes.

onto things that aren't surface-level changes, lmao-

i absolutely adore the screentime they added for strega. they played a part in persona 3, but they were always in the background. chidori got 90% of the screentime. seeing takaya have a crisis over his feelings for the protag & jin being super codependent with takaya was SO good. hearing more about their reasoning and their backstory being more fleshed out ugh;;; the bit with the prototype evoker fucked me up especially. and seeing takaya eventually resort to using an evoker in his boss fight? HURTS

(aigis vc) RYOJI RYOJI RYOJI, DEATH DEATH DEATH. the original game (while playing as the male protagonist, at least) did not focus on the relationship between him and the protag, like...at all. which is so funny because they made it a highlight in the manga AND the movie! i've always loved ryoji to bits, but i've also had to rely a lot on the femc's route and the movie to think about how they could have bonded in the original :( thank god reload gave my boy more content because he NEEDED it. ryoji's connection to the protagonist should really be emphasized in every piece of media, and they FINALLY did it. also just about every day before i reached november, i would rant to my husband about how "there needs to be more ryoji/protag content. it doesn't HAVE to be on the level of "i'd love you even if you were a boy" but i need SOMETHING." and then atlus smacked me with "i want to be something more" and i LOST IT. THEY DID THE THING. atlus embracing the romantic tension between them MY BELOVED. (in case it isn't obvious, ryomina is my favorite ship)

SHINJIRO. the first time i played persona 3, i really didn't care for him (i've never liked characters who are stand-offish and constantly push people away without apparent reason). it was only after i realized the greater backstory that i learned to appreciate and sympathize with his character, and imo, one of p3r's greatest additions was the ability to interact with shinjiro and ken before shit goes down. shinjiro's plotline where you try to convince him to go back to school is devastating, especially when (spoilers) you find a re-enrollment form filled out in his room. absolutely fucking HEARTBREAKING. i already cried during his death (way more than i did in the original game, which is kinda crazy), but damn, they got tears out of me AGAIN with that one. i also noticed that there's a lot more foreshadowing and it is SO effective. i already went off about this on my shinjiro blog, but damn, they fucking nailed it with him.

FRIENDSHIP ROUTES!!! i can't tell you how frustrating it was trying to balance social links between all of the girls. it made me lean more into focusing on yukari (best girl) and nobody else lmao. one of the points of persona 3 was that social links were near-impossible to complete, and they really realized that goal with the girls imo. however!! getting to see the protagonist opt for friendships is really sweet. i love seeing a good rejection where neither party holds a grudge or feels humiliated. it's a really nice touch, especially because i've always wanted to see how friendships would pan out between the mc and the Gorls.

general quality of life changes & the addition of theurgy. i love that theurgy had more depth to it than just a "super move;" looking at the personality conditions is so nice and adds more to the characters than they already had. seeing that shinjiro's resolve deepens when his hp is less than half made me so :'))))

those are big things i love about p3r's changes. aside from the protag not being able to change weapons (my favorite part of original p3), i think the biggest complaint i have is that they left out the answer (p3p has been ported to modern consoles, so you can still experience the femc's route, but the answer is ONLY on ps2 to this day), and even then, i've read that they're planning to add it as dlc.

i've said this before and i'll say it again: i know people have gripes with the answer, but i absolutely adore it. it's the most realistic portrayal of grief among the dorm, which hits differently for EVERYONE. every single change to their personalities makes sense, especially taking their reliance on the protagonist into account. it's made so much more obvious in p3r (which i love), but everyone cares deeply about the protagonist. losing him is a devastating blow. and then aigis gaining his power? yukari is SO justified for being distraught and jealous. that's the realest shit i've ever seen.

also the fights between them because they can't decide whether to go to the past or look to the future...the entirety of the answer is heartbreaking because it hits so hard. yukari, who (aside from aigis) was hit the hardest by losing the protag, obviously wants to go to the past, back to a time when he was alive. the others either want to compromise or move on. the answer is about accepting life's hardships and finding a way to move on and that's beautiful. it's always hit so hard for me.

that's not even delving into metis and aigis UGH... i could go off about the answer forever.

as for p3p-

i played p3p nearly every day when i was in middle / high school. i'd bring my psp to school and play it religiously. i still remember blasting "heartful cry" on my ipod and playing p3p on the bus, lmao.

it's not my favorite iteration of persona 3 now (p3p was good for travel + when i was in school and needed something to get me through the day), but i do have a soft spot for how much effort was put into the femc's route. i will say that i'm not as devastated as a good chunk of the fandom that the femc isn't in p3r or even p3d, but i do love her character and i hope she's also eventually added as dlc (if they're gonna add the answer, then why not add femc again?). i'm really glad she was included in pq2 though, ESPECIALLY because there were so many validating twin moments between her and the male protagonist :')))

i will say, as a final note, that p3r REALLY nailed the feeling of original p3, but i think it made me way more emotional with how it was executed. i've PLAYED the game a million times! i knew every plot detail, i knew exactly how the game would play out (aside from the new additions), and i STILL sobbed several times by the end of the game. i've said this to my husband, but p3r was so well-executed that i felt like i was playing the original game for the first time!! and as someone who has experienced the game MANY times, that's such an incredible feat. i adore the remake. i'm so glad that none of my initial fears were warranted.

for once: thank you, atlus.

[phyrs]

To Survive is to Stay Alive in the Face of Opposition

December 8,

A significant date to celebrate someone who I adore.

Dear Onika Tanya Maraj,

Today is a full circle moment.

I’m so grateful for having you as one of the main person that i look up to in my whole life so far. Nothing can make me feel content other than your appearances. Your inducing words put me in so much constructive mindset on each day.

I've never in my whole entire life thinking that I'd found someone that is incredibly inspiring and empowering. I grew up listening to your music since I was 7 year old and the fact that you're still dominating and relevant is absolutely bizarre to me. I would never be who I am now without your impact on style, music, persona, hardwork and intelligence. Looking back from where you came from to the place that you are now is proven that it's crucial to appreciate all the little steps to reach the top of the ladder.

Life is so beautiful. You can develop multiple versions of yourself just by experiencing. I am in love of how you treat your music like a diary. I have been waiting for this album for five years. A lot can happen in five years. You’ve been a mogul, a legend, and a mother. Great art takes time. And this masterpiece is not just a masterpiece. It is a staple for Hip-Hop and the Music Industry.

Here are my Top 5 Favorite songs from the album + Review;

Pink Friday 2

Now before i start, words aren’t enough to determine how i feel. But I’d say that Are You Gone Already made me goosebumps. Life can be so tough. You can be euphoric but something else could intensely break your spirit. This song is a progressive motion of that experience. I knew this song is going to be a melancholic once I heard Papa Bear’s voice. What a genius way to start the album. I couldn’t imagine how it feels for a father never got to meet his grandson and losing a father at the same time. Sending my condolences to Nicki and her family. Sampling "when the party's over" by Billie Eilish not only strengthen the meaning of this song, but creates an immaculate texture and atmosphere of the album. So proud to know that this is the intro of the album.

5. Fallin 4 U

The first note that came out from the violin increased my heartbeat. I've always loved when she sings the background vocals that feels like a destiny to a particular song. It just fits the album like a pair of gloves. A solid proof that Nicki pays attention to every details in the production. I'm obsessed with how she spits rap in the second verse with multiple word plays and bars that you need to listen repeatedly to really decipher the meaning behind it.

4. Nicki Hendrix ft. Future

I fall in love with the texture of this song that complements the atmosphere of the album. Her vocals gave me life. The mixing of the outro is a spiritual experience with futuristic twist sonically.

3. Big Difference

A Hip-Hop classic. No words can describe the gaggery of her lyrical content, delivery, cadence and most importantly the production. Once the beat switches in the second verse, it just immediately explodes the album.

2. Everybody ft. Lil Uzi Vert

Instant hit. You can't listen to this song without bopping around and jump. It sounds like fireworks. The true exuberant of the album. Epicness.

1. Just The Memories

As a fan, it is impossible to listen to this song without crying. It is a symbolic for hope, longevity and memories.

My favourite lines are;

Greatest female rapper to ever live, and that's on my kid (Memories) I could've overdosed, could've been comatosed Wait, hold on, Juice, I feel the baby kickin', holy smokes I prayed for a son, my husband wanted one If they ask about me, tell 'em I was one of one

One word to describe the album.

Mellifluous.

This is such a monumental element in my life. I could not thank you enough for this. I hope you are blessed with tremendous amount of happiness. You deserve everything that you desire. I will always continue to admire and love you.

Happy Birthday

Nicki Minaj.

Love,

Fairus

[lebretdonna]

A month has passed, the worst is over and I have waited long enough, I cried enough, I isolated myself enough, I drank to oblivion enough, I waited beside my phone dying for a text to save me from my misery enough, April is a new beginning, renewed my gym subscription, deleted every account I had permanently and made new ones, I am in the best shape I have ever had in years, my birthday is in 3 months, I have 3 months left to live my 21st year to the fullest, to start my 22nd year with a healed heart and be a new woman free from attachments, my friend is taking me to a bar next week and introducing me to his friends hopefully one of them is a lesbian lmao, I can now make moves on every man I was attracted to physically but rejected because of my naive loyalty when I am with or without him, lmao the second week apart I saw a man in the cafe he was so attractive I literally ran away from him once he sat next to me, I knew if we clicked I wouldn't get my hands off of him, his veiny neck and arms gave me chills, I wish I stayed because at the time I ran away from this potential he was out there having a date with the whore he got matching French hats for... Fucking liar told me he got me this grey one for me while wearing it with her why tf anyone would use someone's present? One for a photo and one for a date LMAOOOO present my ass fucking liar, imagine your bf of 5 years never posting a pic for any dates you ever had but ran to post the date he had with whore he just knew in 2 months and breaking up with you because of her and then posting a story having a glass of wine with her with the matching hats he got for her was I fucking stupid to tolerate this shit? And typing "home" beside her fucking name? One fucking hour from leaving me because of her???????? What the fuck? How tf did I bear seeing the man I love break up with me to hang out with the woman I hate? How tf did I let that slide and BEGGING HIM to forgive me for thinking badly of him after he fucking broke up with me once and blocked me to hang out with her and in the second time refusing to take me back so he can have 1-4 good months with her and like even if they didn't fuck my man choosing another woman over me and leaving me for months and spend time with her and the other whore instead is straightforward cheating how tf did I let it slide? Holy fuck now I relate to selena gomez's lyrics "in two months you replaced us like it was easy, made me think I deserved it in the thick of healing" in her song lose you to love me, I really have to hate him to love me, everyday goes by I hate him more and it gets more impossible to ever get back he keeps betraying me every fucking day, I was willing to save myself, my heart and my body for one man only for the rest of my life without ever feeling like I am missing out on something because to me love was enough but where has it led me? Depression, overdosing on sedatives daily, alcoholism and beyond... no more self-destruction for someone who never deserved me or loved me from the start and ended up betraying me and ghosting me, everytime I wrote down my hurt for losing someone it got easier, I wrote about 3 people in the past here and I moved on from them all and never looked back, this is the greatest loss of my life losing the love of my life but it was one sided so it feels like the biggest scam in my life, he knows my su*c*dal tendencies and he still left me at my worst and lived the best time of his life with my replacements non-bothered if I lived or died why would I care if he lived or died then? He's fucking dead to me and I wish him nothing but fucking agunish like everyday I suffered this month, 2 out of his 3 former exes cheated on him and that's exactly what he deserves because he's a cheating piece of shit just like them he never deserved my heart he deserves a whore like him like the fucking whore he's with everyday now the fucking desperate slut he chose over me he's fucking dead to me

[egcarlos]

“Dreaming with your eyes wide open”

“Dreaming with your eyes wide open”

My first Christmas with Rio is passing itself off as quiet. Yamini is at work all week. My parents are stuck in the snow in Seattle. So I decided to just take it easy for the weekend and enjoy time with someone I’m only starting to just figure out. It’s been such a joy to see him grow these past few months; he started off roughly around 6 lbs, helpless and monkey-like to now, he’s starting to try different table foods, flip himself over front to back on the floor and adding on to his vocabulary of babbles. I’ll admit that I was scared becoming a father, I’m sure everyone is afraid of becoming a parent, but honestly, it felt as if I was about to lose myself; I was about to lose time for myself to play tennis, hang out with friends and go on trips. There was this sense of, well, I don’t want to say regret, but maybe a kind of bitterness to having a kid, because, to put it simply, I was selfish. And now, spending days with him, see him develop, grow, babble, smile, hold my hand, smelling his head, feeding him different foods, having him touch different things, I just can’t get enough of it. I really can’t. It’s so amazing that it’s making me tear as I write this. I love being a father and I love him so much. The way I feel about life right now, it feels like I’m dreaming with my eyes wide open, from that song “Come Alive” In the Greatest Showman. There is nothing in this world that can make me happier, and I owe God, life, the universe, whatever you decide to call this sense of order in disorder, or how the whole is always greater than the sum of its parts or this sense of peace in a seemingly mad world. I look at my life and I know that I’ve been given so much that there will always be this sense of obligation that this life is not my own. I am living in Los Angeles, I have a beautiful wife who loves me for who I am, I have a family who have supported me through all the crazy things that I decide to do with my life. I know, deep down, that this life is not mine. I came to Los Angeles July of 2021 and went back into training at USC to become not only an HIV specialist, but more grounded and trained in underserved medicine. The past year and a half have been amazing and the experience I gained is priceless. I came here because I still remember my experience in South Sudan, my very first job out of residency and with Doctors Without Borders. I still think about my work, my time there, my colleagues and the people I was fortunate to help every single day. I came to Los Angeles and was given this opportunity to learn so that I can do something more, reach my potential so that I can give back to the very best way that I can. I know that I have a family and a son now. It’ll be the hardest thing leaving Yamini, and now Rio when it is time, but once again, I know that this life is not mine. I’ve been given so much. And there are those, by just a matter of luck and happen stance that are struggling to survive. I am here in the US, living my life, hoping the best for my son and my family, and yet, there are those, not only as far as the other side of the ocean, but also as close as a few streets from my apartment struggling to survive. What should I do with that knowledge? Should I take the blue pill and live a life of ignorance? Should I forget about what I have seen? I have no idea where these thoughts, these reflections will take me. I think about this every day. This will continue to influence my choices and decisions for the rest of my life. For now, I’ll spend my time loving Rio as best as I can. I’ll take him everywhere that I can take him and have him taste whatever I can put in his mouth. I’ll simply enjoy being the best father that I can. I know though, some time this upcoming year, the time is right again to get back out there; to pursue, what I believe God has put me in this world to pursue, to give back to the very best that I can to this life that I know that I can never deserve. Also, because, I decided to take the red pill a long time ago. I’ll continue to live my life as if I’m dreaming with my eyes wide open.

[shae-la-hyene]

Top 10 best animated movies sad songs

I'm a hurt fan and I'll never pretend to be anything else.

Some moments or songs break your heart and that's why you love them. Because it slithered so deep into your heart you forgot if you allowed it.

Judged on 'it made me cry the first time I saw it' and 'I listen to it in a loop when I'm depressed' and 'fuck why can I relate so much ?'

10 Remember me

I generally don't like the most recent disneys. I hate the computer animation and would kill to have them go back to drawings. But Coco's emotional journey and message is pretty good. Remember me speaks of the deep rooted wish of humans to be remembered and leave a trace of themselves in the world. Be it to a lover, a child, a friend, they bed for that love not to disappear with them. It's the latest 'Goodbye my lover' or 'Someone like you' : the perfect song to play at a funeral, or when the pain of losing someone is so strong you can't breathe. Today we are separated, and I am so sorry for that. But my heart will continue reaching for you in the dark. Will yours do the same for me ?

What is grief if not love persevering, really ?

9 I'm still here

This one hit close to home, guys... I'm still here is heartbreaking. Remember being a neglected kid ? Remember all those years where the adults you were supposed to trust and respect just... let you down ? Remember every single time someone thought they knew everything there is to know about you, without ever caring to ask ? Remember being a teenager and struggling to believe there was a place, a tiny bit of room, somewhere, that would allow you to exist ? Not knowing who you wanted to be because you didn't believe anyone would ever be there to like whatever you could become ? Remember asking yourself if fighting all your life for a respect you know, deep down, you'll never get, is worth it ? Remember trying to love yourself while everybody was overlooking you or decided you were disappointing ? Remember looking at the entirety of the sky and realize that... it doesn't truly matter, that you don't truly matter anyway ? Remember seeing every perfect person around you getting praised for the littlest things when you never had the same chances to start with ?

Yep. This is it. It's hard to look to the future when the future looks like shit.

8 Someone's waiting for you

This song is maybe the first song I properly acknowledged as a sad song, when I was very very little and didn't know what emotions were.

It says 'this shall pass. I know today sucked. I know the world is against you. But eventually, it'll pass, and life will change because everything change all the time.' And I think I needed that often, in my childhood. When crying myself to sleep I tried to remember... life will go on and yes, today sucked and life sucks right now and you're sad and you're right to be sad and angry and feel empty and bitter. But eventually, life will change and eventually, even if life keep sucking in different ways, you will find someone who is willing to share it with you and it'll make it suck a little less.

When that come, another little one will be blue and you won't be able to do anything for them except telling them 'this shall pass, one day you'll have someone standing by your side to make you happy. Not today. But one day.'

7 Heaven's light

I know. Heaven's light is so full of hope and pure love and tenderness and happiness, why does it even belong in that list ? Well. Because Quasimodo always knew Heaven's light was never meant to be for him. That his face was too hideous. That Esmeralda was never going to love him back. He just allowed himself, for a second, the illusion that she cared for him. Being in love feels amazing, and he focuses on that, knowing the illusion would fall apart when he isn't loved back. Quasimodo's greatest tragedy was to be unloved, Heaven's light is him dreaming of having what everybody else seems to have, knowing well that this dreams would be crushed by the world the second he opened his eyes. I wish he was wrong...

6 Reflection

THE trans song. The dysphoria is strong in this one.

Not me listening to it obsessively before even realizing I'm queer and my family frowning because they didn't understand why I felt it so much. The same family that doesn't see anything wrong with the part they expect us to play, not understanding the deep uneasiness that goes with realizing you can never be someone they'll respect.

Molds and boxes and roles are so wrong, because you can never truly fit them. And, in all of that, not even thinking about everybody you disappointing by not being who you're supposed to be... There is the small matter of disappointing yourself by not being who you wish to be. Queer disney writers were good at making it all about queerness in ways that cishets can't even see, that's for sure.

5 Wherever you are

Genuinely heartbreaking. Because if Pooh is sad, the whole world is wrong of betraying him. He's lost, he's scared and alone and... He's on the edge of giving up and losing all hope and he needs you, where are you ? How dare you abandoning him ? Pooh is too precious and innocent for this to be even remotely okay. You can't break that pure a heart, that's the worse crime ever. Where are you ?

And yet every time I feel lost and lonely, and on the edge of losing hope, every time I wish my loved ones were there to reassure me and tell me what to do, I look at the sky and I think of Pooh that wanted to give up, dreaming and sending his love to the void. I listen to it, again and again, and I think of my loved ones who felt the same, and I try to hope again as I cry myself to sleep. In the french version, he doesn't address Christopher Robin. He addresses the moon and his lucky star, call them 'his lights of hope'. The sky is the full of the same stars we all wished to. Even if we don't always see them.

4 No way out

The cruel reality caught up with them both in that song. And no amount of regret and guilt could make it better. There is no way to soften the blow of telling a little kid that you killed his mother. There's no way to make it better, you just have to say it and know he's going to be shattered. Kinai is faced to the reality of his own actions and the consequences of them. Aware of the hurt and pain he created. He is finally realizing the bad choices he made and why they were wrong. He's finally learning the lesson the spirits were trying to teach him. You can't wipe out tears you caused. You can't bring back those you killed. And no matter how much you suffer from that reality, you are so so aware that it's so little compared to his. And it's all your fault. Growing up hurts. Especially like that.

3 Baby mine

There is no greater love than the one a mother can have for their child. There is no greater pain than when that love gets lost. And when Dumbo only sees the lullaby and the simple joy of being with his mother, cared for a loved, we can only see the bars keeping them apart. We only see his mother stealing a fragile moment to keep the pretense that she can protect her baby from the cruel world waiting for them both. A fleeting moment to pour all the love she has for her little baby in a song and a cuddle before parting, maybe forever. The love is overwhelming and immense but the cage is closed and the cruel people are already marching on them, and soon there won't be time for love anymore.

I love, baby, I wish I could have protected you more.

2 Sound the bugle

Almost made it to the first place, not gonna lie...

It's the song I keep in a loop for when I truly did give up and I'm just tired and don't want to keep going. It speaks of defeat, of being beaten up and finally admitting you weren't made to weather all of that because you weren't supposed to. The world wasn't supposed to be that cruel and you... couldn't fight it forever. It's a suicide song. The split moment when you just... give up. You want to leave, you want to stop existing, you give in. Being defeated by a cruel world leaves a hollow feeling in your chest, a deep sated bitterness that will never truly leave.

And even if you manage to find the strength to start fighting again... Well it won't erase the fact that you weren't supposed to have to fight that hard, ever.

Honorable mentions

When you believe, because it's half sad half hopeful. It had taken a hard fight, with a lot of sacrifices that will always sit in your heart. But, after so long fighting and suffering and ignoring the pain, you did it. You're free. It had an impossible cost, but you did win.

On my way, because it reads as a suicide song SO easily.

Do you wanna build a snowman : how many times, really, will you try something and hope for a different outcome, before finally giving up ?

Deliver us' lullaby : another mother seeing her baby leave, hoping for the best because there's nothing else to hang on to. Fleeting, foolish hope, because they know the world is cruel and they won't be able to protect their baby anymore. And still she loves, so still she hopes.

1 Not in Nottingham

The country style that all Robin Hood's songs is drenched in can't hide the fact that this is by far the saddest song of all animated movies. At least in my opinion but those posts are all about my opinion, aren't they ?

This song just... nails it. Stripped sadness to its barest bones. You wish to believe there is something you can do, but you know there's not. It's not even personal. It's just... how things are. And that's unfair, and you can't do anything about it, and it makes you so miserable and hopeless and exhausted. Why is that so ? Why is this situation so unfair and miserable and cruel ? Why couldn't you just be happy ? Why couldn't the world be fair ? Why is it always bad, why can't you have good things, sometimes ? Why ?

The world sucks and sometimes you're just... stuck somewhere where you know nothing good can happen.

The world sucks, especially in Nottingham.

Also see : Top ten Villain songs, Top ten sad songs, Top ten romantic songs, Top ten intros that slap, Top ten pretty songs, Top ten not-that-bad sequel, Top ten worse sequels, Top five terrifying villains

[veraventi-55]

posting all my stsg fics under here

- you said i killed you, haunt me then

ironic. he feels he's lost all that he ever gained, what is he now? he was infinite and then he was nothing at all. reduced to a shell with a name attached to it. how it all slipped off of his hands and he stood by thinking it'll be fine until it wasn't. and it dawned upon him how he was supposedly doing the right thing but never in his life felt this terribly wrong. and he thinks as he sees standing by him, she carries it too.

shoko and gojou and a few minutes of transparency between them, where loss is hard but losing a friend harder and at the end of the day, they owe it to him.

- i know who you pretend i am

"getou suguru ofcourse, did you forget? how sad."

gojou satoru and the six walls of the prison realm and an excuse for me to write angst to yet another mitski song.

- ya'aburnee (darling you will bury me before i bury you)

In which the poster child prodigy of lonesomeness learns a little bit of something about falling in love, makes a blood pact, is an enabler who also gets enabled and can't seem to figure out the trajectory of his life. Not in that order.

 

 

ya'aburnee translation - "may you bury me" a declaration of one’s hope that they’ll die before their lover because they can't bear living in a world without them.

- to think that we could stay the same

Winters are harsh. A lingering loneliness follows like a bitter memory tainting the best days of your life. Or at least that's what winters are to him.

- for the greatest tragedy of them all is never to feel the burning light

Doomed from the start, tragic in everyway one's unrealized dreams can be. He'll fly too close to the sun, his wings aflame only to fall to his inevitable end.

And fly too close to the sun he did, hell Getou Suguru fell in love with the sun.

[edealbm]

Lost & Found

1/2/3/4/5/6/7/8/9/10

Introduction..

it was in the rain. The moment I first liked you. I think? We were drenched. I laughed. Whole-heartedly. Probably for the first time. I looked at you. I saw you. I felt you. You were meters away from me but I felt your warmth in the deepest parts of me. You touched me without touching me. It wasn't much to you that day.. It was everything to me. The colors became brighter. My heart beat louder. My soul happier. I was changed. Deep in my soul. It was just a date to you. It was day 1 of the greatest love of my life, to me. -

Losing you was probably one of the hardest things, I've ever went through. I was so lost, so in pain. Feeling like a failure. I wasn't enough on every scale. But mostly on the one that lead to your heart. I hated what I had become. Lost myself to become more to you. Forgot who I was. I was yours and that was enough to me. Losing you was a blessing. I was left with myself. That, on it's own  is the greatest gift you've ever given to me. Leaving me to myself. Leaving me to grow on my own, was the joy of my existence. I found myself. I fell for myself. I am amazing. Honestly, truly, incredible. I am now finally grateful that we loved and hated each other. Because I met the love of my life and it was there all along. It was me. So thank you. Thank you so much for leaving me.-

You know what sucks with love? Expectations. They always come. When you care, you dream, you wish, you aspire. Then reality hits you. They will never measure up. They could never. They should never. It was a fucking hard pill to swallow. Loving you as you are. To no longer be ambitious about us, about you. To keep my fantasies to myself. That sucked. You had been the best I've ever had. And the hardest part of it all, wasn't losing you. It was losing the hope. -

Loving you was easy you know. Just like dancing. Doing a two-step move. You were the groove I was dancing too. The song that captured my heart. I remember humming to  the beat of your heart. Swinging to the sounds of our ragged breaths. Playing chords on the softness of your body. My favorite melody? The sound of your heart speeding up whenever I kissed you. My favorite song to dance to. Loving you felt like being captured by the first chords of a  bass line. That makes you want to get up and dance slowly. That makes you want to get closer. Loving you was slow, lyrical, musical, soft and all of the things I wanted it to be and more. Falling for you was like loving music and being reminded of why. Loving you was just as necessary as art to me. -

When I go home, I look around. Trees. Grass. Wind. They don't feel like you. That's when I realised that wherever you are, is where home is to me. That's when I was scared for the first time. When I realised all there was to lose, in losing you. -

No you don't. You don't have the right to show up here, after all this time, and think that just because you've finally figured yourself out, you can get me back in a heartbeat. It's not fair. I deserve better than that. I cared about you so much and I did my best to support you. But if you are not ready for commitment, for me, then stop wasting yours and my time only to confuse me. It's not fair. After everything we've been through, we both know I deserve better than that.

I know and I want to give that to you.-

Two people. One city. Life has put them through things they never expected. Is there such a thing as soulmates? Is it a dream or a myth, we tell ourselves to keep going through the hard pace of life? Or it is a reality we are all too scared to face? Meeting a reflection of yourself in an other human-being? ...Terrifying yet so enticing...

[jaskierswolf]

😏 Hey, it's me, back again. On my knees, begging for more filth. I want some post mountain grovelling. I want Geralt on his knees. One of Jaskier's hands in his hair, holding his head still. The fingers of Jaskier's other hand in Geralt's mouth. <insert Gopher gif here>

Forgiveness

Not exactly filth? There is smut... but it caught plot. For those wondering... Jaskier's hair and beard looks something like this.

Rated: E

Length: 2.5k

CW: dom/sub vibes, subspace, oral sex

______________

Fear was not something that Geralt was accustomed to feeling. The trials had made sure of that, but the trials were created with monsters in mind, not bards. There had been a time when being afeared of Jaskier would have seemed preposterous. The worst thing that could have happened was the bard getting too close to a fight and getting hurt because of Geralt, but even then, Geralt had never been scared of Jaskier, more scared for him. Losing Jaskier to the witcher’s way of life would have been unforgivable, so Geralt made sure it didn’t happen.

Jaskier was gone.

And yet he still wasn’t safe. Geralt had torn his own heart into pieces to keep Jaskier safe, and now fucking Nilfgaard was destroying everything. Rumour had it that the army were looking for Jaskier, looking for a way to Geralt and to Ciri. So it was time for Geralt to swallow his pride and make amends. He’d travelled to Oxenfurt with his young ward in tow to search for his dearest friend, the man he’d broken. Ciri had been a surprising blessing in his life. Just like Jaskier, she had brought light to his life when there had been none, and he was beginning to realise that isolating himself did not make him stronger. His friends, brothers, lovers were more deadly than any sword or sign. Alone he was just one man, motivated by survival and a sense of duty.

For Ciri he would tear down the Continent.

For Yennefer he would climb the highest mountain.

For Jaskier…

He sighed. For Jaskier he would break his own heart, and for Jaskier he would try to make it right again.

It was more terrifying than any manticore or griffin.

A knock on the door, that’s all it would take. Instead he was just lurking outside the office, an elaborate “Professor Pankratz” painted in fine golden calligraphy on the panelling. Geralt pinched the bridge of his nose, every instinct he had was telling him to run, take Ciri back to Kaer Morhen for the winter and leave Jaskier. Surely no harm would come to him at the academy.

“Are you going to stare at my door all day, Geralt, or shall we go inside?”

Geralt’s eyes widened as he spun around to face his friend. He hadn’t heard Jaskier’s voice in years but there was no mistaking the lilting accent and the playful way that he spoke. No one else spoke quite like Jaskier. The bard’s voice may not have changed but Geralt was taken aback by Jaskier’s appearance. His hair, which had always been short and scruffy in the decades that Geralt had known him, was now long, the ends ticking just below his chin. The long locks were tucked behind one ear, and his fringe had grown out. But it was the beard that really drew Geralt’s attention. He’d never realised that Jaskier could grow a beard, he’d never even seen the bard with stubble before, and yet here was Jaskier sporting a thick beard that was as rich in colour as his hair, no sign of any grey despite his age.

He looked beautiful.

Piercing icy blue eyes burned with cool fire, and Geralt was reminded why this trip had worried him. Jaskier had been his most loyal friend, and despite his profession, the bard was dangerous. His tongue was sharp and his temper was short, for Lillit’s sake, he’d even tried to condemn a man to death with the blasted Djinn.

“Well? Come on, witcher, get inside or get out,” Jaskier said with the cool authority of the professor he had become. Gone was the eighteen year old fool that Geralt had met in Posada.

“Right, yes,” Geralt grumbled and stepped aside so that Jaskier could open the door. He trailed in after the bard, feeling very much like a dog with his tail between his legs.

“I never expected to see you at my door, Geralt,” Jaskier muttered as he busied himself around the room, sorting out his books and scrolls from his satchel, carefully placing his ink bottles on the messy desk, and shrugging out of his teaching robes.

Underneath the dark robes, he was wearing an elegant dark green doublet with matching breeches, gold thread stitching at the seams. To Geralt’s surprise, the bard's doublet was fully buttoned, hiding both the chemise and the mass of chest hair that Geralt knew was underneath the emerald fabric.

“I never expected to come,” Geralt admitted.

“Excellent, now you can leave again, it was good to see you old friend. Close the door on your way out.”

Jaskier’s words stung, a dagger between his ribs, poison running through his veins, but Geralt couldn’t give up, not without a proper fight. “I came to apologise.”

“Oh, ho, ho, that’s rich, witcher. What’s next? You’ll go and fetch your Child Surprise?”

“Ciri,” Geralt mumbled.

That seemed to have an effect, Jaskier froze, his back to Geralt. The bard slowly spun round and peered at Geralt. “So you finally found her?”

“I did.”

“Well, I’ll be damned,” Jaskier sighed, pushing his hair from his face and scratching idly at his beard. “Did she mention me?”

“She did.”

“So, tell me Geralt, are you here because you want to apologise, or because the princess demanded it?” Jaskier’s tone was sharper than any witcher sword, this was the man who had destroyed a knight’s honour with a few well-placed rhymes and catchy songs just because he had insulted Geralt, and Geralt wasn’t used to being on the receiving end.

“Nilfgaard are coming, Jaskier. I couldn’t leave you in danger. They are looking for you, because of me.”

Jaskier scoffed, throwing his arms up, almost knocking an ink bottle flying. “Nilfgaard, wow. Yup, yes, should have expected that.”

“I’m here to protect you,” Geralt growled, “and- and because I miss you.”

“Miss me?” Jaskier hissed, stepping forward so that there was barely any space between them, his sweet chamomile scent now flooding Geralt’s senses. “You should have led with that, witcher.”

“I-”

“Fine, you want to apologise. On your knees, grovel. I won’t follow you blindly again, Geralt. I need to know you won’t hurt me. You want to protect me?”

“Yes,” Geralt answered without hesitation.

“Then know that no one on this Continent has ever hurt me like you did on that fucking mountain. Forgiveness will take time,” Jaskier said haughtily, and Geralt dropped to his knees. He finally saw Jaskier’s rage for what it was; a shield. Jaskier was trying to protect himself… from Geralt.

“I am sorry, Jaskier,” Geralt said, his voice shaking but sincere. “I only ever meant to protect you. I lashed out. I was hurting after Yennefer. I shouldn’t have said those things to you, but-”

“Hollow excuses.”

“But I was scared,” Geralt finally glanced up, and oh what a sight. Jaskier was looming above him, his hair almost coppery in the candle light. He looked like a messenger from the gods. “My life is a dangerous one. I fucked up Yennefer’s life with one breath, how could I possibly risk doing the same for you?”

“You already did.”

“But you’re alive,” Geralt whispered quietly.

“I would have rather died, Geralt,” Jaskier hissed.

“Don’t be so dramatic, bard.”

“If it meant giving up my life with you. Life with you was the greatest adventure, there was never a dull moment. I got to live every single day. Now look at me, I’m trapped in a cage without the best friend I’ve ever had,” Jaskier spat. “So you’ll have to do better than that.”

Geralt lowered his gaze once more. He was running out of options, but there was one more card that he held close to his heart, rarely even admitting it to himself. They say that love can conquer anything. It hadn’t been true for him and Yen, but perhaps the sorceress had been right and their love was just an illusion created by his wish and the spell she’d cast on him.

“I love you,” he whispered, loud enough for human ears to hear but still a quiet admission, one he’d never said out loud before.

Jaskier didn’t say anything. Instead, there was a gentle tug at Geralt’s hair as Jaskier pulled the tie from its place. Geralt stayed still, letting his words hang in the air. The bard’s fingers began to gently run through Geralt’s hair, each touch sending warm tingles down his spine, and he felt his breathing relax almost into a meditative state. Jaskier had done this before when they were on the path, braiding Geralt’s hair whilst he meditated, but this felt different, there had never been this spark burning between them before.

There had never been those words lying heavy on Geralt’s tongue before. “I love you, Jask,” he repeated, his voice more slurred this time and he felt almost as if he had been drugged, his head feeling foggy. The haze got thicker with every stroke of Jaskier’s hand through his hair.

“Oh, dear heart,” Jaskier cooed, his voice sounding almost like a dream. “You have no idea how long I’ve yearned to hear those words.”

“I’m sorry,” Geralt mumbled. “Forgive me, Julek.”

“In time, my darling, in time,” Jaskier breathed, his scent sweeter now, something akin to arousal. It was hard to tell through the fuzziness in Geralt’s head.

There was a low whine, that Geralt vaguely registered as coming from him. Heat was beginning to thrum through his body, and he slowly realised that at some point he’d shut his eyes, completely submitting to his bard in his attempts to earn Jaskier’s forgiveness. He felt Jaskier’s fingers cupping his cheek, hooking under his chin. Geralt whimpered as he struggled to open his eyes.

“There you are, Geralt,” Jaskier whispered, “apology accepted, dear heart.”

“Jask…”

“I know, I know, I’m here,” the words washed over Geralt like a warm breeze.

“I- I- want…” Geralt didn’t know what he was asking for or what he wanted, but his head was spinning and suddenly the hand in his hair wasn’t enough. He’d gone so long without seeing Jaskier, and now that they weren’t together, it was like a dam had broken. All the things he’d been denying himself for years…

“Shh, Geralt, I’ve got you,” Jaskier hummed, and before Geralt could protest, he felt the press of Jaskier’s fingers at his lips. Eagerly, Geralt opened his lips, taking the digits into his mouth and sucking gently. He gazed up at his bard, drunk on the feeling of his own arousal.

Geralt had never seen Jaskier in his element at Oxenfurt before but the calm way in which Jaskier commanded the room was enticing. This was Jaskier’s office, his space. Geralt was the guest here, not the other way round. Usually Jaskier had to fit into Geralt’s life, but now it was Geralt’s turn, kneeling at the professor’s feet, a willing student, begging for another chance.

“Geralt?” Jaskier asked, cocking his head so that his long hair fell in front of his eyes. “Do- do you want this?”

Geralt hummed around Jaskier’s fingers, nodding his head. It felt like a stupid question. How could he not want this? It was everything he’d never let himself dream of. He tried to say yes, but the word was muffled by Jaskier’s fingers.

“Gods, darling, you look so beautiful like this,” Jaskier cooed, and there was a sharp tug in Geralt’s head. He moaned around Jaskier’s fingers, vaguely aware that his cock was now painfully hard in his trousers. “That’s it, my love, sing for me.”

Geralt moaned again, sucking at the fingers in his mouth, enjoying the weight on his tongue. He’d never done anything like this before, but with Jaskier it just felt right. When he’d come to Oxenfurt he hadn’t expected anything like this to happen. He’d been praying to whatever gods were listening that Jaskier would forgive him, anything more than that had been an impossible dream. Geralt’s eyes fluttered shut and he hummed happily, shifting his weight until he was in a more comfortable position, the one he used for meditating. Like this, he could sit at Jaskier’s feet for hours should the bard wish.

But instead, Jaskier pulled his fingers from Geralt’s mouth. The emptiness left an ache deep inside Geralt that he hadn’t expected, but Jaskier’s other hand cupped his cheek, tilting his head so he was forced to look up at the bard. There was an undeniable fondness in Jaskier’s eyes, and between the beard and the extra weight he’d put on now that he was settled at Oxenfurt, he looked so warm… cuddly.

And Geralt wanted him.

“Can I- do you want my cock?” Jaskier stumbled over the words, a break in his previously mask of calmness. “We don’t- it’s just a suggestion…”

“Yes,” Geralt breathed, gazing up at the man he loved. In fact, he could think of nothing he wanted more in that moment. He swallowed, his mouth dry as he shuffled forward to nuzzle against the bulge in Jaskier’s trousers. Jaskier groaned as Geralt mouthed at his erection through the fabric. “Please, Jaskier.”

“Go on then, witcher, please me.”

Geralt’s fingers shook as he untied the lacing at the front of Jaskier’s trousers, and they moaned in unison as he finally took the tip of Jaskier’s cock into his mouth, the taste of precum bitter on his tongue.

“Gods, Geralt, I never thought I’d see the day…”

Geralt just hummed, licking at Jaskier’s slit before bobbing his head, slowly taking more into his mouth. There was another tug at his hair and he hummed, relaxing into his movements as Jaskier slowly began to rock his hips, gently thrusting into Geralt’s mouth. All the while, a steady stream of soft praises fell from the bard’s lips. Geralt had never felt particularly aroused from sucking cock before, but at Jaskier’s feet, the gentle words lingering in the air and the rhythmic touch of fingers caressing through his hair, he was closer to cumming than he thought possible.

He gasped as he pulled back, biting back a moan as he rested his head on Jaskier’s thigh. “I- Jask, fuck…”

“Shall I take you to bed, darling?” Jaskier cooed, gently pulling Geralt to his feet.

His legs were shaking and he fell into his bard's waiting arms, burying his nose in the crook of Jaskier’s neck. Geralt hummed as he kissed Jaskier’s neck, the soft bristles of the bard’s beard warm against his skin. “Your beard is soft,” he murmured, running his lips along the edge of the beard until they were ghosting over Jaskier’s lips, a tease of a kiss yet to come.

Jaskier laughed, pressing their foreheads together. “The luxuries of Oxenfurt, my dear witcher.”

“Smells good too,” Geralt hummed, finally capturing Jaskier’s lips in a chaste kiss. The bard moaned quietly and his fingers dug into Geralt’s side, pulling him closer. “Smells like home.”

After a few moments of being lost in each other, Jaskier finally took Geralt’s hand, lacing their fingers together and leading him through the office to the bedroom that lay beyond. They had a long way to go before Geralt was truly forgiven but this was a start.

This was their start, their new beginning, a new chapter in their adventure.