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wellhalesbells · 3 years

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✨✨ TOP FIVES FOR 2020 ✨✨

2020 was, i think we can all agree, a massively chaotic year but i have never consumed as much media before in my life, so i thought others might benefit from my slothery uh, connoisseur.... ship? yes, that. below are the books, comics, shows, and movies that got me through!

B O O K S .

the starless sea, by erin morgenstern - i loooove this book because it loves me back. it says: ‘oh, you’re a reader, well i have just the thing for you.’ it luxuriates in language and story and riddles and fairy tales and it feels like an entire library in a single tome.

they never learn, by layne fargo - oh fuuuuuck, this was satisfying. i thought it might feel a little exploitative as it is very aware of the zeitgeist and likely would not exist without the #metoo movement but it never ever did. this was a fucking ROMP, period. reading about a woman getting away with murdering skeezy guy after rapey guy after shitty human just made me happier and happier.

moonflower murders, by anthony horowitz - this is the second in the susan ryeland series (and the first was hardcore good fun too) and really feels very classic mystery with the artful twist of catering to the literary community. mainly because: susan isn’t a detective, she’s an editor and she gets drafted in this time because the clue to what happened to a missing woman is in a book she edited, if she can find it. both of the books in this series have such an excellent coming together moment that is rare af to find.

the invisible life of addie larue, by v.e. schwab - the writing in this is just so good. it has that feel to me where i just want to drop the book and open up my own page and let my fingers fly. it’s that inspiring kind of writing that reminds you of all the things language can do.

crown of feathers/heart of flames, by nicki pau preto - aaahhh, this series is SO FREAKING GOOD! why is there not more of a fandom for it, why???? it is so many of my favorite tropes all resting perfectly together to the point where you almost forget they’re tropes because they just so naturally evolved there. ugh, it’s just.... it’s so heart-bursty good.

.... number 5, part 2? raybearer, by jordan ifueko - this was just so original and i was invested af. like, what a brilliant idea though and an even better execution?? i loved every character and am so looking forward to the next in the series so i can get to know them even better!!

honorable mentions (sh*t i still liked a whole heckuva lot): you/hidden bodies, by caroline kepnes // writers & lovers, by lily king // i’ll be gone in the dark, by michelle mcnamara // the faceless old woman who secretly lives in your home, by joseph fink & jeffrey cranor // girl, serpent, thorn, by melissa bashardoust // a little life, by hanya yanagihara // the guinevere deception, by kiersten white // obsidio (and the entire illuminae series), by amie kaufman & jay kristoff // the bone houses, by emily lloyd-jones // house of salt and sorrows, by erin a. craig // we hunt the flame, by hafsah faizal // savage legion, by matt wallace // blacktop wasteland, by s.a. cosby // crier’s war, by nina varela // the empress of salt and fortune/when the tiger came down the mountain, by nghi vo // upright women wanted, by sarah gailey // the monster of elendhaven, by jennifer giesbrecht // a deadly education, by naomi novik // you let me in, by camilla bruce // when you ask me where i’m going, by jasmin kaur // the lights go out in lychford/last stand in lychford (and the entire lychford series), by paul cornell // the devil and the dark water, by stuart turton // serpent & dove, by shelby mahurin // one by one, by ruth ware // ruthless gods (this was SUCH an upshot from the first book - it’s worth sticking with if you’re on the fence), by emily a. duncan // cemetery boys, by aiden thomas // the inheritance games, by jennifer lynn barnes // the fortunate ones (2021 release), by ed tarkington

C O M I C S .

cosmoknights, by hannah templer - the art was gorgeous, the gayness was glorious, and just.... hot HOOOOOOOOT lady knights in space?! a princess winning her own hand? find something not to love in there, i dare you.

don’t go without me, by rosemary valero-o’connell - wow. wow wow wow wow wow. the writing was stunning, so lyrical and atmospheric and deep, and rosemary has to be one of my favorite artists but even that managed to come as a beautiful surprise because it was just so freaking bold.

through the woods, by emily carroll - i loooove emily carroll, the convergence of spine-tingling horror and art that feeds into it, that is both visually and aesthetically pleasing, is hard to beat! p.s. i also read beneath the dead oak tree from her this year and it was also a BANGER.

the impending blindness of billie scott, by zoe thorogood - zoe is someone that i just want to follow. she’s just starting and i want to be there for every single step. i love her art style and her ability to tell a story with it.

above the clouds, by melissa pagluica - this was so unique, and such a baller concept, as nearly half the entire book is conveyed only through the art and yet you’re never once lost, never once confused as to what any character is thinking or feeling. it’s a story within a story and only one of those gets words though they both are chock full of emotion!

um.... number 5, part 2? crowded, by christopher sebela - everything about this series is fun af. crowd-funded assassination and a hirable bodyguard who’s rated like an uber driver??? and the chemistry between the two mains is so great and gay!!

honorable mentions: monster and the beast, by renji // long exposure, by kam ‘mars’ heyward // fence, by c.s. pacat // invisible kingdom, by g. willow wilson // ms. marvel, by g. willow wilson // heathen, by natasha alterici // not drunk enough, by tess stone // giant days, by john allison // die, by kieron gillen // be prepared, by vera brosgol // ascender (sequel to descender, which is also great), by jeff lemire // the unbeatable squirrel girl, by ryan north // bang! bang! boom!, by melanie schoen // gideon falls, by jeff lemire // life of melody, by mari costa // cry wolf girl, by ariel slamet ries // the tea dragon society, by katie o’neill // ptsd, by guillaume singelin // heartstopper, by alice oseman // solutions and other problems, by allie brosh // finding home, by hari conner // the magic fish, by trung le nguyen // something is killing the children, by james tynion iv // the weight of them, by noelle stevenson // spill zone, by scott westerfeld // skyward, by joe henderson // miles morales, by saladin ahmed

F I L M S.

parasite, dir. bong joon ho - oh it was satisfying, oh it was suspenseful, oh i had to watch some of it through my fingers but i loooooooved it. such a good story and so well made.

knives out, dir. rian johnson - okay, everything about this movie was amazing. every single character was fun as hell and i could’ve watched an entire movie about each of them. what a great fucking mystery!

blindspotting, dir. carlos lopez estrada - this made my heart hurt so damn much. what glorious writing, acting, and story!

portrait of a lady on fire, dir. celine sciamma - gooooorgeous cinematography, amazing chemistry, and such a soft, atmospheric film.

the farewell, dir. lulu wang - i cried and my heart felt so full and i love it so so much.

um.... number 5, part 2? someone great, dir. jennifer kaytin robinson - no part of me expected to love a netflix movie this much but it’s a love story that doesn’t get told that often?? the end of a relationship and the true love of friendship and i love these girls and i love jenny and nate’s broken relationship.

honorable mentions: eighth grade, dir. bo burnham // booksmart, dir. olivia wilde // midsommar, dir. ari aster // the curse of la llorona, dir. michael chaves // the secret life of pets 2, dirs. chris renaud & jonathan del val // jojo rabbit, dir. taika waititi // the invisible man, dir. leigh whannell // the favourite, dir. yorgos lanthimos // can you ever forgive me?, dir. marielle heller // troop zero, dirs. bert & bertie // ready or not, dirs. matt bettinelli-olpin & tyler gillett // brave, dirs. mark andrews & brenda chapman & steve purcell // the half of it, dir. alice wu // palm springs, dir. max barbakow // doctor sleep, dir. mike flanaghan // uncut gems, dirs. benny sadfie & josh sadfie // birds of prey, dir. cathy van // bloodshot, dir. dave wilson // the old guard, dir. gina prince-bythewood // enola holmes, dir. harry bradbeer // hocus pocus, dir. kenny ortega // always be my maybe, dir. nahnatchka khan // finding dory, dirs. andrew stanton & angus maclane // die hard, dir. john mctiernan

S H O W S .

black sails (2014) - this show, this shooooooooow. i cannot, it just makes me want to cry with how good it is. the characters, the EMOTIONS, the story, the plaaaaaan. like, the creators clearly had a plan for every single step of this show and it was a gOOD, GOOD PLAN.

the untamed (2019) - truly, cheesy good fun with one of the best gay romances ever. i love these characters and their relationships to each other and the way it glories in its own ridiculousness.

the righteous gemstones (2019) - one of the things that bothered me about my next choice (the ratio of female to male nudity) was so much more realistic in this one (i mean, we’ve all gotten five thousand dick pics and i know like three people? so the fact that there is so rarely male nudity in shows when there are tits everywhere..... no, how does that even make a tiny bit of sense?). this show was such great, wonderful, awful fun. they’re not great people and the show is under no delusion about that and it’s GLORIOUS!

the witcher (2019) - this was just hella fun, i loved the characters and the fantasy elements. i’m excited for the next season, it’s just entertaining swashbuckling through and through!

fargo (2014) - all of this was really very enjoyable with the through line being somebody fucks shit up and gets involved in something they really shouldn’t be involved in that’s going to swallow them whole. season one and season three were my stand-out favorites but they were all so violent, clever, and vicious!

um.... number 5, part 2? central park (2020) - um..... so many of the hamilton actors in a muscial cartoon drawn and written by the bob’s burgers team? WHAT ABOUT THAT DOESN’T SOUND AMAZING?! it was such a joy to hear daveed diggs and leslie odom jr.’s voices again!!

honorable mentions: schitt’s creek // the mandalorian // mr. robot // broadchurch // mindhunter // jack ryan // the good place // the end of the f***ing world // big little lies // elite // kidding // servant // letterkenny // curb your enthusiasm // i am not okay with this // ozark // buzzfeed unsolved: true crime/supernatural // you // runaways // dear white people // dickinson // brooklyn nine-nine // will & grace // 9-1-1 // dead to me // solar opposites // never have i ever // killing eve // what we do in the shadows // grace and frankie // avenue 5 // roswell, new mexico // the bold type // evil // tuca & bertie // impulse // the umbrella academy // watchmen // infinity train // corporate // search party // on becoming a god in central florida // a.p. bio // criminal: uk // the morning show // mythic quest // last week tonight // prodigal son // the great

#the starless sea #the invisible life of addie larue #the untamed #knives out #2020 favorites list!!#i tried to stick to shows i both started and finished in 2020 otherwise like schitt's creek and the good place would be in top five #same for comics #uh oh i've found the keyboard again

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tonyhightowerv1 · 3 years

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The NHL, Boxing, & Ignoring The Right Thing To Do

Some days I wake up & pay attention to the news a bit, just to see what's happening.

The NHL Draft was last night, and I shouldn't have bothered with it, because I'm still angry at my Leafs for shitting the bed, again, in the playoffs (it's been 17 years since we last won a playoff round, and they've not won the Cup in my lifetime), but apparently the Montreal Canadiens, the most storied team in the sport, a team currently managed by Marc Bergevin, a guy who 10 years ago, when he ran player personnel for the Chicago Blackhawks, was somehow (it isn't clear) involved in hiring and/or protecting a video coach who sexually assaulted a bunch of teenaged players, the facts about which are only coming out now, and which look pretty damning for everyone involved, Marc Bergevin is now the General Manager of the Canadiens, and in the first round, they picked a guy who's been found guilty of sexual assault.

He apparently circulated pictures of a girl without her consent or knowledge while playing minor hockey in Sweden, and was found guilty under Sweden's assault laws. Now, he's expressed remorse, sure; he specifically asked the NHL to not draft him this year, so he could spend time and focus on improving himself and atoning for this in some way. And he's not some ultra hotshot phenom kid that people couldn't keep their hands off.

He's a guy, and even if you just think he made some kind of youthful mistake -- that would be a very bad take, which says a lot about you, not much of it good -- there's no need to reward him with getting picked, especially when he specifically asked not to.

But Bergevin, with the Blackhawks scandal hanging over him, chose this guy anyway. In the first round.

Not only that, the Canadiens had a statement about him pre-loaded & ready to go. Shareable graphic and everything.

https://twitter.com/CanadiensMTL/status/1418780212469411841

But no, instead, it's about this guy. Not even the girl he victimized. Him.

He tried to warn everyone off drafting him, which is to his credit, I guess. But Bergevin saw this kid, and decided, we need him in our organization. As is.

How good is he? Not that it matters in the slightest, but... he's a late 1st round defenseman. If he continues to develop, he'd basically make the show in 5 years or so. No one's projecting him to be an all-star or anything. There was no urgency; he was never going to make the cover of a Wheaties box or carry the flag at the Olympics. Even without the sexual assault conviction.

Marc Bergevin is a Hockey Guy, to the bitter end. But he's got a history -- and, apparently, a present -- of ignoring sexual abuse. There's no place in the sport, or in polite society, for that mindset. Certainly not now.

* * *

So, all this made me think about boxing.

For most of the 20th century, boxing was the biggest sport in the world. Fights filled arenas and stadiums around the world. The Heavyweight Champion was treated like a Head Of State; they'd dine with royalty, speak at major world events, their fights would be recorded and shown in theaters (and run for months), and then when television appeared, fights would be shown in prime time, and draw ratings better than any other sport.

In the early 1970s, Muhammad Ali was known, famously, as the most famous human being alive. (And Neil Armstrong and Chairman Mao were, like, right there.)

But boxing was deeply corrupt, and many of its stars were more than merely flawed, and every once in a while, someone would die in the ring, and so they stopped showing the fights in prime time, and the champions didn't really add much to the global conversation, and the promoters were ignoring a lot of bad things their star fighters were doing, because they were more focused on getting their cut of the gate receipts than they were in maintaining a product that kept new fans coming through the turnstiles.

And sometime in the mid-1980s, boxing's popularity started to wane. After Ali & George Foreman retired, there was a bit of a charisma vacuum at the top of the sport (I mean, Holmes & Holyfield seem like relatively decent guys, but the Crown Prince of Monaco isn't inviting them to a state dinner anytime soon); the welterweights & middleweights (Hagler, Hearns, Leonard, Duran) were compelling in the ring, but aside from Sugar Ray Leonard, none of them were particularly interested in being terribly showy.

And then Mike Tyson showed up at the end of the decade, and everyone was excited again, until he raped someone & went to prison for it, and got a face tattoo, and the slow decline of the sport became clear to everyone, and that was pretty much it for boxing as a major global sporting concern.

Sure, it still exists, but it's nowhere near what it was. If you want to watch boxing somewhere, you need to find a stream from somewhere on the other side of the world. Fans of hand-to-hand combat sports have gravitated to UFC & MMA, sports that 40 years ago literally no one outside of Brazil or Thailand had ever heard of; fans of the spectacle of fighting, the weigh-ins & pre-fight braggadocio, the As The Buckle Turns, well, they'll always have WWE & the other Steroid Soaps.

Boxing is irrelevant now. They took the biggest sport in the world, and through neglect and ignoring the serious problems at its core, they just... pissed it away.

I'm not usually the kind of person to bemoan moral depravity. (I actually like GG Allin's music. I think it's kinda funny.) But sports are entertainment that uses actual people instead of actors. Like entertainment, you want a compelling story, or at least some kind of ethos, or a thought-shape, that keeps people interested and wanting to come back. You can be heroic, or villainous, but you don't want people to see your product and think, eww, yeah, no.

With actors or songwriters (or pro wrestlers), you can build a storyline out, write a script, point the lights in a certain direction. Each game lasts this long, it builds to a crescendo in this way, when our team scores, we shoot off this cannon, when Mariano Rivera enters from the bullpen we play Metallica; the crowd expects those beats, and they're all part of the drama build. But the players are actual people, and there is no script, so you want to start with a cast that people will want to cheer for (or against) without feeling awful.

If you deny people that basic pleasure for long enough, they'll start looking elsewhere.

I've been a serious hockey fan my whole life. It's been my favorite sport since I was old enough to have an opinion. I've gone in & out on baseball, and over the years, the NFL has lost me to their CTE issues & their tone-deaf billionaire owners treating their players like chattel. But hockey, despite having some of those issues, and my Toronto Maple Leafs, as historically disappointing as they have been, have stuck with me. And I with them.

But the way the Blackhawks have dealt with these abuse allegations, and Montreal choosing this convicted assaulter with their first choice (and there've been a couple of other events; last year, Arizona chose a guy who repeatedly & publicly harassed a disabled person of color, and who has never apologized; they later rescinded their pick), I'm starting to wonder if hockey, a sport that doesn't have the mass momentum of boxing or football in their heydays, has already seen its zenith.

And that thought just makes me so very sad.

#nhl #nhl draft 2021 #nhl habs #marc bergevin #boxing #chicago blackhawks #habs

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smylealong · 3 years

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Year in review - 2020

2020 has been a mixed bag of an year. Where on one hand it has been a raging dumpster fire with a global pandemic, lockdowns, social distancing, online schools, politics, forest fires, Karens and the general sense of ennui that the year brought. On the other hand, the year gave us all time. Time to reflect on ourselves. Time to teach ourselves new things. Time to binge watch. And boy did the streaming platforms make full use of it. Listed below are the best things I saw in 2020. (Across languages and in no specific order.) IT IS A LONG POST. PROCEED WITH CAUTION.

HINDI Thappad: Dir: Anubhav Sinha. Starring: Tapasee Pannu, Pavail Gulati, Diya Mirza, Kumud Mishra and Ratna Pathak Shah. On surface level, the premise seems frivolous. After all, it was just a slap. Just. One. Slap. Yet, with that one slap, the protagonist’s neatly organized world comes apart at the seams. From there begins Amruta’s (Tapsee Pannu) journey into exploring the micro-aggressions and tiny slights that she has turned a blind eye to, for the sake of keeping peace. The film never veers into a glorification of violence nor does it get overly preachy. It is a mirror to the patriarchal society and raises pertinent questions about the things that the society as normalized. Things that shouldn’t be normalized.

Bulbbul: Dir: Anvita Dutt. Starring: Tripti Dimri, Avinash Tiwari, Rahul Bose, Parambrata Chatterjee and Paoli Dam.

Horror does not always lie in the things that go bump at night. Sometimes, horror is what society expects of you. Horror is the consequence of not fitting into the role that has been written for you. Sometimes, it is terrifying to be a woman in a male-dominated society. That is what Bulbbul explores. Wrapped in a beautiful package, Bulbbul tells the raw story of a child-bride who is punished, harshly, inhumanly, for acting her age. If you haven’t seen it yet, drop everything and watch it. It’s on Netflix.

Lootcase: Dir: Rajesh Krishnan. Starring: Kunal Khemu, Rasika Duggal, Vijay Raaz, Gajraj Rao.

This was a charming little movie that had me in splits. A story of a simple man who chances upon a bag full of money. What follows is a hilarious tale of lies, deception and comedy of errors. Kunal Khemu proves that Bollywood does not realize just how talented he is. Vijay Raaz’s deadpan comedy and Gajraj Rao’s evil smiling desperation are a delight to behold. I’m smiling even as I am writing this. This was fun!

Raat Akeli Hai: Dir: Honey Tehran. Starring: Nawazuddin Siddiqui, Radhika Apte, Ila Arun, Shweta Tripathi, Tigmanshu Dhulia.

This was India’s answer to Knives Out. Nawazuddin Siddiqui is at his finest as the honest and frustrated (in more ways than one) police officer who finds himself attracted to the mistress of the murdered man. What follows is a tale so full of twists and turns that I could not predict where it is going. When you have Siddiqui at the helm, you are almost certain to get a good film. But when he is backed by stellar performance from the able cast, that takes the film to another level altogether.

Patal Lok: Dir: Avinash Arun and Prosit Roy. Starring: Jaideep Alhawat, Niraj Kabi, Abhishek Bannerjee, Swastika Mukherjee, Gul Panang, Ishvaak Singh.

Wow. Just. Wow. This is arguably the BEST thing that I have seen all year. On the surface this is an attempted murder case. But what it actually is, is a mirror to our society. It is a human story. A story of greed, corruption, power, violence, misogyny, depravity and true evil. It is a story of love, hope, support, kindness and humanity. It is a story of us. My hats off to the entire cast and crew for coming up with something truly special.

ENGLISH

Haunting of Bly Manor: Created by: Mike Flannagan. Starring: Victoria Pedretti, Oliver Jackson-Cohen, Amelia Eve, T’Nia Miller, Rahul Kohli.

Based on Henry Jame’s Turn of the Screw, this was a poignant tale of love, loss and pain. While it pales in comparison to its brilliant predecessor, Haunting of the Hill House, and the 1961 screen adaptation of the novel, The Innocents, Bly Manor still manages to be a worthy watch. In Mike Flannagan’s deft hands, we get to see a completely different perspective of the Haunting. I won’t say more, for spoilers, but this was definitely one of the better things I watched this year. Especially since I almost eschewed English movies/series this year. (I did watch some forgettable movies like Extraction and Mulan, but even mentioning them here feels sacrilegious.)

Korean

This year, I returned to Korean Dramas after a long time. My last Korean Drama before this year was Faith that I saw in 2014. Since Boys Over Flowers (Read Kim Bum) is my guilty pleasure watch, I decided to have it on in the background sometime in March or April this year. (Honestly, in 2020, who knows?). BOF took me to The King: Eternal Monarch. And TKEM introduced me to Woo Do Hwan who gave me some of the best times in this year. Three of his dramas feature here.

Save Me:- Dir: Kim Sung-soo. Starring: Ok Taec-yeon, Seo Yea-ji, Woo Do Hwan, Jo Sung-ha, Jo Jae-yoon.

Do you fancy a kick to your teeth? Because that is what this series is. What starts a simple story of a regular family’s struggles upon moving to a new town, quickly turns into a harrowing nightmare in which you are simply the viewer. The story delves into cults and the insidious power they hold. Through Seo Yea-ji’s brilliant performance as Im Sang-mi, we see a K drama heroine who is not a damsel in distress. She isn’t the one throwing the punches, that is done by Ok Taec-yeon and Woo Do Hwan. Still she is the one that leads the fight. If that wasn’t enough, Woo Do Hwan, plays Seok Dong-chul. Arguably one of the best male leads I have seen.

Mad Dog:- Dir: Hwang Ui-kyung Starring: Yoo Ji-tae, Woo Do Hwan, Jo Jae-joon, Ryu Hwa-young, Kim Hye-sung.

What a treat this show is! Smart protagonists pitted against equally intelligent antagonists and a taut plot that rarely sags (It does sag just a wee bit in the middle but it picks up pace very quickly). Woo Do Hwan is fantastic as the ever changing, tough to pin down, Kim Min Joon. The layers in this character! This show will keep you guessing. Every cast member is stellar and no one has a single misstep. A must watch!

My Country: Dir: Kim Jin-won Starring: Yang Se Jong, Woo Do Hwan, Kim Seol-hyun, Jang Hyuk.

This series brings a set of very complex emotions in me. Don’t get me wrong. I love the series. Its story, characterization, costumes, cinematography, acting, action scenes, OST. They are top notch. A+. But... and this is a big one, this series is also a glaring display of what happens when a writer falls in love with one of their characters. As a writer, I can say that we love all our characters. But it is very dangerous for a writer to move from simply loving the character to falling in love with the character. When that happens, the writer becomes afraid of letting that particular character make mistakes. Or glosses over their flaws. Often at the expense of the other character. Which is what happened here. The writer fell in love with Seo Hwi and Nam Seon ho paid the price. Hwi could literally assassinate people in front of Hui Jae and still be forgiven for it, while Nam Seon-ho gets demonized for trying to save Hwi by telling lies. I could go on and on about how unfair this series was to Seon-ho, but that would be a separate post altogether.

Tale of a Gumiho: Dir: Kang Shin-hyo Starring: Lee Dong Wook, Jo Bo-ah, Kim Bum.

I started this series for Kim Bum (I LOVE THE GUY). I was prepared for some cheesy, goofy fun with some good looking people. But soon, I was watching it for the story. A smart Urban Fantasy with elements of Korean Mythology, this was UF done right! This series made me do research. I am so tired of seeing the same old myths in fantasy that this came as a breath of fresh air. Intelligent protagonists who communicate well (gasp! what? That happens?). A flip-flopping anti-hero. A truly psychopathic villain and a bunch of other well-fleshed characters make for one entertaining watch. I highly recommend it.

Chinese:

K-dramas made me revive the Tumblr account that I had created sometime in 2017 and which lay dormant since then. Soon, my Tumblr feed was filled with gifs and metas of a show with pretty men. I did not pay much attention to it, till a post about Jin Ling’s Uncle made me snort. Even though I didn’t understand what it was talking about, it was still funny. Realizing that the show is on Netflix, I saw the trailer and wasn’t impressed. Then there was the length. 50 episodes! Holee-moleee. “No. I ain’t got that much time,” I said and moved on. But then, I saw a gif of a man smiling. I had never seen a smile that dazzling. There was something about that smile that made me go back and click on the first episode. And in less than ten minutes of the episode, they killed the man whose smile drew me to the show. WTF? But I had seen gifs of him. There had to be more. Then, the show began and I had no idea what was happening. I decided no smile could be worth the brain-cells I am having to expend for this. Chuck it. But people in Tumblr said, hold on. You will understand it. Episode 2, and I still wasn’t sold. I gave it till episode 5. Then, before I knew it, I finished the 50 episodes and currently reside in the rabbit hole that is The Untamed.

Dir: Zheng Weiwen and Chen Jialin Starring: Xiao Zhan, Wang Yibo, and a host of others. I can’t write the name of the entire cast, even though I want to.

PS: In case you don’t know, the man with the pretty smile is Xiao Zhan.

#2020 year in review #long post warning

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tessatechaitea · 4 years

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Justice Society of America #10 (1993)

Fact: Golden Age heroes didn't have penises.

I was starfished on my bedroom floor tonight staring at the ceiling and thinking about how in my teens and twenties, I could revel in it, thinking, "Who am I? Who will I become? What does life have in store for me?" But a grown ass man doing that simply thinks, "This is it, isn't it?" At least I can lose myself in reading comic books I've already read and which I didn't really enjoy that much the first time. It might sound like a waste of time but it gives my life meaning! The most shallow of meanings, sure. But at least I'm not growing old watching conservative news because I need anything at all to light my passion. I'll say this about Fox News: they understand how old people are so bored they'll watch the dumbest shit and then get mad about it. I know other people who aren't old also watch Fox News. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with them. I guess they have fears and hatreds I hope I'll never truly understand. I just don't understand watching Fox News (or any of the other non-propaganda 24 hour news sites). People do understand there are channels which show programs that make you laugh or feel merry or that simply entertain the other non-lizard parts of your brain, right? How do you pick Fox News when you can watch Sci-fi or Buzzr Comedy Central or the Ru-Paul's Drag Race all day channel? I just realized that the people who watch Fox News basically use Twitter the same way. The majority of my feed are funny people so even when they're discussing politics, it's always entertaining (or fiercely intelligent because witty people are smart. Dumb people think they're witty (see Mike Huckabee)). But when I check out the Twitter feeds of conservatives I know, at best they'll retweet a sports tweet sandwiched between forty retweets of Ben Shapiro and Dinesh Souza. Maybe they think some of the right wing pundits they follow are funny. But calling somebody a mean name or tagging everything "liberal tears" isn't funny. It's the kind of funny that the bully's weasely sidekick guffaws over and then says, "You tell 'em, Jimmy!" Speaking of things bullies would say, it's now time for me to criticize Len Strazewski's Justice Society. Previously, some old fart named Kulak made everybody in the world begin to hate. But they aren't just randomly hating everybody else. They really seem to be bonding over their hatred for the Justice Society of America. Is this story a metaphor about me and my hatred of this comic book? Because that would be a terrible metaphor seeing as how I don't really hate this comic. I wish I did though! I'm old and I need to feel passion! I bet if I hadn't dropped cable eighteen years ago, I'd be addicted to Fox News too! No, I wouldn't be. I'm as liberal as you can be while still making offensive jokes. So not really that liberal, I guess? Maybe I'm socially, economically, and politically liberal. But I'm a complete asshole when it comes to punchlines. Don't get me wrong! I don't make offensive jokes at the expense of people different than me. I make offensive jokes about myself and those Goddamned fucking babies. Fuck those parasitic monsters. This issue begins with Starman finally reappearing.

It really wasn't exciting enough for an announcement of his return. He's just another half-balding old guy. But it lets me talk about the DC Universe show, Stargirl!

I decided to watch Stargirl because what else am I going to do with my life? Finish reading Gravity's Rainbow? I mean, I am going to do that now that I'm done re-reading those awful Lando Calrissian books. But I can't spend all of time reading Pynchon! Just too much of it! I mean, I'm only 18 pages into Gravity's Rainbow (which is further than I've ever gotten on my previous three attempts!) and I'd estimate I don't understand 5% of the words he's used. And that's me being an English Lit major who has been a voracious reader his entire 48 years (minus the ones where I couldn't read yet. Like ten or something?). I was in bed reading and didn't have a dictionary at hand so I just powered through. But I think I need to go back through and learn all of those words so I can impress the local Starbucks barista! Or are people not impressed when you use a word they have nearly zero chance of knowing and don't know you enough to keep the conversation going by asking you what that means and instead just smile and nod and glance occasionally at the tip jar? Anyway, so I've watched three episodes so far and I'll tell you how I feel about it after I mention how I've actually watched four episodes. The first episode I watched, I was impressed with because Courtney was already palling around with a bunch of legacy JSA members and the Injustice Society was trying to tackle the "Who is Stargirl?" problem and I watched it thinking, "This is really impressive how they decided to start in the middle of the story like this. I like it!" Then I went to watch episode two and I was confused because it didn't seem to follow after the previous episode. So I kept thinking, "Maybe this is a flashback?" And then eighteen minutes into it, I thought, "Maybe I didn't watch the pilot episode. I'd better check." And I started watching the first episode which I totally hadn't seen. So I guess I started with Episode 7 or something. Here are some of my tweet-thoughts on the show for those who don't follow me on Twitter (why don't you follow me on twitter? What is wrong with you? Is it because you don't know I'm @GrunionGuy?): Tweet #1: "Sometimes you think maybe you're having inappropriate thoughts but then you check to make sure the actress playing a fifteen year old Stargirl is actually 21 and then you breathe a sigh of relief and think, 'I won't be cancelled today! Unless I tweet this experience, probably.'" Tweet #2: "Sometimes you think maybe you're having inappropriate thoughts but then remember it's okay to fuck a car that's been converted into a giant robot with Luke Wilson inside of it." Tweet #3: "3rd episode of Stargirl begins with a dying white woman's final wish to her white husband that he make the world safe for their white son. She dies and he goes out into the enormous hedge maze garden of his mansion to scream into the sky about the injustice of it all. All in all, a pretty good villain origin!" That third tweet was the only one that really makes any sort of socially acceptable commentary on the show. Saying things like "Stargirl's butt doesn't look like my mouth should be inside of it because she's fifteen although the actress is twenty-one so maybe it actually does look like that?" aren't the greatest things to admit even if you're just joking (which I am but just adding this statement makes it sound like I'm not but I totally am (that "totally" doesn't help but I assure you, I'm joking (did the hole just get deeper?))). I mean, sure, her body is super fit because she's a super hero (or will be?). But she has such a baby face! And even at twenty-one, she's just a baby! If I were younger, I'd totally have a crush on her. But I'm 48 and I just don't consider young women proper targets for my sexual deviance anymore. The only interaction I should have with young women these days is warning them against going out to the summer camp at the lake where that boy drowned so many years ago. The girls I had a crush on when I was younger (Christina Applegate (Kelly Bundy), Winona Ryder (Veronica Sawyer), and Stacie Mistysyn (Caitlin Ryan)), I have even more of a crush on now. Judging by the crushes I've had my whole life and not society's stereotype of women, women definitely get better looking as they get older. And probably as I get older. I'm sure that's part of it although I like to think that fifteen year old me would still look at these nearly fifty (or maybe fifty? I'm not so obsessed I know their ages but they're all around my age anyway) year old women and think, "Holy fuck mommy." I'm sorry for that last comment. But I'm only sorry to God not anybody who was reading this. Oh, I forgot to mention that Joel McHale is the original Starman (I mean original in the show although he's Sylvester Pemberton who was never Starman but only Skyman although in the show he was at one point the Star-Spangled Kid and Luke Wilson does mention Ted Knight at some point). And he's funny in his death scene just like he should be because I've obviously decides Sylvester is Jeff Winger's new superhero secret identity alias. Starman heads off with his Cosmic Buttplug to stop Kulak in Gotham City. He doesn't know it yet but the rest of his pals are currently battling Kulak and probably losing. Although Kulak is even older than they are so maybe it's a fair fight. I'm just surprised that a comic book where old men battle other old men has made it ten issues.

I think some editor was fired last issue and the new editor's only job was to make sure it didn't look like Thunderbolt had been speared through the asshole.

Although this editor seemed to think it was okay to have Hawkgirl fucked from behind by Kulak.

I hope this isn't a terrible conservative take on women that exposes how terrible I am at sex but even mind-controlled, I can't imagine licking a woman's shoulder would elicit that response. Although she could be "Ummming" from his pee-hee in her bee-boo.

I know conservative talking points are generally fucking idiotic but Ben Shapiro somehow thinking women can get "too wet" from sexual excitement might be the most hilariously idiotic. I don't think I've been with a woman who was all, "Yes! Yes! Lick my shoulder blade!" and I then I got super into it and then suddenly she was all, "Nope. Too wet. This isn't working for me anymore. I need a doctor, I guess?" Who am I kidding? I know I've never been with a woman who did that because that would mean I've had to have been with a woman! Also, women get wet down there? What's that about? Is it because the vagina cries at the sight of the penis? Kulak takes away all of their super powers but I guess he forgets that Wildcat doesn't have any so I'm hoping Wildcat just punches him in the face soon. Although that Starman bit probably was a hint at how the coming fight might end. You know, with Starman shoving his Cosmic Buttplug into Kulak's third eye, if you know what I'm saying. You probably do because I called it a Cosmic Buttplug. I should try to be more subtle. Kulak's entire purpose is to get revenge on the Justice Society for defeating him way back in 1940. Can't even one super villain just accept defeat and move on with their lives? Or are writers just always going to be so inherently lazy that they'll never give up the crutch of the villain attacking the hero directly out of revenge for that one single time they tried to actually commit a crime and were stopped? The JSA puts up a fight that helps to drain Kulak's power but it isn't until Starman arrives and does that thing I mentioned with his Cosmic Buttplug that Kulak is defeated.

This is the grossest orgasm I've ever seen and my computer is riddled with viruses from all of the previous ones I've watched.

After Kulak's defeat, Jesse Quick wraps up the issue with her super hero dissertation which is less a dissertation and more of a thorough cleaning of all of their asses with her tongue. She's all, "I didn't really do much research or define heroes too good but the Justice Society of America are my heroes so I deserver a degree, right?" Justice Society of America #10 Rating: B. This comic book was as average as they get. I suppose that should garner a C grade but a B grade just seems to say decent but mediocre. By the time I get down to a C grade, I feel like the comic book needs a lot more faults than "I don't really care about stories with heroes who are having strokes during the battles." It's a valid criticism but it's probably too subjective for a critical review. I know, I know! When has that ever stopped me before? Well, I feel charitable today. It probably has something to do with Mars being so close to the full moon earlier this week. My blood is all riled up and wacky!

#Justice Society of America #Stargirl #JSA #Len Strazewski #Mike Parobeck #Mike Machlan

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mst3kproject · 6 years

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520: Radar Secret Service

So here’s a challenge. My stated goal for this blog is to watch and find something halfway intelligent to say about each and every movie the show ever featured. I’m not sure I can say anything intelligent about Radar Secret Service. I’m not sure I can say anything stupid about Radar Secret Service.

I don’t know if I can even describe the plot. The introduction is pretty straightforward, explaining to us that the men of the Radar Secret Service can find just about anything, from a school of fish to a hidden murder weapon. I wonder if anybody’s asked them about the g-spot. With a tool like that, they could go looking for the Ark of the Covenant or Jimmy Hoffa or something, but instead they’re keeping an eye on a shipment of radioactive material. Some crooks manage to steal the stuff despite the high-tech surveillance… and that’s where the movie starts to lose me. I can pay attention to this for about ten minutes, and then my brain just shuts the fuck down.

I mean, I keep trying to watch, I really do. I don’t know why I can’t. Radar Secret Service is only sixty minutes long, for crying out loud, surely I can pay attention to something dull and stupid for sixty measly minutes! I watched the sandstorm sequence in Hercules Against the Moon Men. I sat through the Rock Climbing in Lost Continent. Hell, last Thanksgiving I listened to my Dad and my brother-in-law talk about their unfinished home improvement projects for what felt like six days. Surely Radar Secret Service cannot be the thing that defeats me. I get myself a snack and my knitting and settle down, but without fail, by that ten minute mark I’ve lost track of who any of the characters are or what they’re supposed to be doing. My knitting’s on the floor and I’m playing Marvel Puzzle Quest. Shit.

I start over and try again. This time I turn off my phone. I close the blinds. I do my best to remove all distractions. I still can’t focus. The walls of my living room are more interesting than this movie. I find myself looking at them and wondering what happened to that National Geographic solar system poster I had when I was a kid, the one that showed all the moons to scale. I mean, it’s horrendously out of date now but it was my favourite poster for ages. Twelve-year-old me named all the characters in half a dozen unfinished fantasy novels after those moons. Out of sheer curiosity I googled, and found out that holy shit, you can still buy it! Well, damn, that’s kind of tempting, just for nostalgia’s sake.

Okay, no. I have to watch the movie. By twenty minutes in, I still don’t know any of the characters’ names but ‘radar’ no longer sounds like a real word. In fact, it’s not a real word. It’s an acronym for RAdio Detection And Ranging. In the UK it’s also the Royal Association for Dis-Ability Rights, and the Feinberg School of Medicine in Chicago has the Research on Adverse Drug events And Reports committee. I bet either of those would make a better movie.

Wait, I’ve gotten distracted again. This isn’t working. Maybe I can watch it in MST3K form. Radar Secret Service is so short that almost all of it got into the episode. I could cheat and do a review based on just that. I do remember snickering at the skit about the Quinn Martin nature preserve. I should look up some of those people on IMDB. Maybe I can find some material for Episodes that Never Were. It says Lee Meriwether was in a mad science movie called The 4-D Man, which looks remarkably bad. I definitely need to see that…

God damn it.

Okay, clearly having a computer at all is too much distraction for me to watch this movie. I’m gonna have to pop the disk into an actual DVD player and watch it that way. Some kind of drastic measures are definitely needed here because I’ve written almost an entire page of this review and I have not yet actually managed to watch the fucking movie right through in one sitting. There’s nothing there to watch. Where are these people? Who are they? They all look and dress and sound alike. They all have identical mustaches and drive indistinguishable cars – I can’t even tell which is the Radarmobile unless we’re in a wide shot that shows the Christmas ornament on top. The only reason I’m sure that Waitress and Leopard Lady are two different characters is because they had a scene together at the beginning. Are they both wearing the same wig? They’re so alike that when one of them shoots the other I’m tempted to say it counts as suicide.

The characters have no character. The script imparts nothing to us besides minimal so-called plot information and the performances are dismally bland. The music is boring. The direction is listless. It’s no wonder they picked Oh!! There’s a dead man there!!! as the stinger because it’s literally the only memorable moment in the whole film. I’m not using literally to mean emphatically, either. I’m using it to mean literally.

Why did they make this movie? I don’t understand. It’s not an action flick because there’s no action. It’s not a drama because there’s no drama. It’s not a comedy because nothing’s funny. It’s not sci-fi because there’s no science. What are we supposed to take away from this experience? What are we supposed to learn? The movie is like a black hole, sucking in our hopes for entertainment and hiding them away behind an event horizon of boredom and confusion, from whence they can never be retrieved. I feel actively stupider for having seen even part of it.

Even if I were to make myself watch it all the way through, from the finding of the gun to the final arrest, in a single sitting, even if I were to force my unwilling brain to recognize every frame of it, what could I possibly say? There’s nothing to analyze here, no meaning, no metaphor. Even on a technical level, there’s not much I could add to what Mike and the Bots already said. Yes, everybody looks the same. No, I have no idea which side most of these identical gray suits with meaty 50’s men in them are on. No, the people who made this movie have no idea what radar is or what it’s used for. The Radar Men from the Moon were more relevant to radar than this movie and I don’t think they ever even used the word.

I could just talk about the short. The short! A shining beacon of something I can actually pay attention to! Sadly, the very fact that I could fill a review with my thoughts on Last Clear Chance is surely a sign it deserves an entry of its own. Where does that leave me?

It leaves me sitting on the sofa, realizing I haven’t paid any attention for the last few minutes because I zoned out dreaming up flowery metaphors for my struggle. I’m starting to think the only way I could actually watch this is to strap myself into a chair with my head locked in place and tape my eyes open, like something out of A Clockwork Orange. Even then, I might still manage to get distracted. My entire body is rejecting this movie. I think I’m making antibodies to it.

I cannot tell you how much I’d rather be watching A Clockwork Orange than Radar Secret Service. Hell, I’d rather be watching Caligula. Caligula had stuff to look at. It had characters with names.

Maybe… wait. What if Radar Secret Service is actually a brilliant work of art and I’m missing it because I can’t pay attention for long enough? Maybe it’s a satire of 50’s futurism and tedious moviemaking! Maybe the ultimate-spy-tool-radar premise is a comment on the erosion of our privacy in an increasingly technological society! Maybe the reason it’s so hard to tell the heroes from the villains is because the modern world has rendered both concepts irrelevant! There is no good or evil anymore, just men in suits either giving or obeying orders, no one individual identifiable as the reason why something happens! Maybe the two women are identical because the filmmakers are trying to point out that patriarchal society turns women against each other and ultimately against themselves! Of course! It all makes sense! How did I not see it before?

I have no memory of typing that last paragraph. What’s going on?

Oh my god. Oh shit. I know what this is. It’s the hypno-helio-static-stasis! I’m already in its clutches! The world is fading. I need to inject something thoughtful and entertaining directly into my eyeballs immediately. There may still be time if I can only reach Netflix…

And suddenly, there it is, looming over me like a glittering spaceship above Devil’s Tower National Monument… like a saving angel… could it really be? It is! It’s Close Encounters of the Third Kind! I reach out for it. I can already hear its dulcet tones ringing in my ears like a siren song… doo-doo-DAH-doo-DAH…

And then the ship wavers and fades away, leaving only a brushed chrome ball. My browser’s not even on Netflix. It’s on DailyMotion, and all that’s playing is a shitty print of Radar Secret Service.

I hope you guys enjoyed my mental disintegration because it’s all the review you’re gonna get. See you next week. Fuck this movie.

#mst3k #reviews #radar secret service #tw: suicide #fuck this movie #50s

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omfgtrump · 3 years

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Mutant Ninja Pollsters

Anyone who entertained the delusion that the Republican party was going to pivot from The Don has been put on notice. Remember the Grim Reaper McConnell’s passionate speech after the Impeachment process, where he held The Don accountable for the January 6th insurrection, even though he exonerated him? Does he regret it now, as The Don’s stranglehold on the Grand Offal Party tightens? Let’s face it, when Liz Cheney becomes the public enemy #1 in the Republican party, we are into a whole new dimension of crazy. One wonders, if the mob had succeeded in lynching Mike Pence, if that would have been a bridge too far for Mitch and his cronies!

Speaking of Pence, he has finally surveyed the landscape and emerged from his bunker in Indiana. In his first public address since his escape from the noose, he managed to praise The Don. Rumor has it that his speech writers vetoed the following remarks: “I want to thank the president for the chance to be hung. It would have been an honor. Sitting at home with Mother these past months, I have come to think of the entire experience as akin to a religious awakening, the way Jesus did, after Judas abandon him.”

As Biden tries to bring the pandemic under control and help ordinary people with trivial things like not dying, jobs, protecting them from eviction from their homes, putting food on the table and addressing a silly thing like climate change, the Offals, lament the end of hamburgers and continue to propagate the anti-democratic screed that the election was illegitimate and stolen from The Don.

In homage to The Don, the Offals are setting up county fairs all over America to air their grievances about the stolen election. Instead of prizes for the best cow or beard, they are competing in contests like: “How far up the Don’s ass can you go?” It’s quite a sight seeing all the brown-faced Offals milling around (Don’t worry, they used cocoa powder instead of…). It got so crazy that the Proud Boys, who were patrolling the fair, accused some of the contestants of being people of color and chased them out of the fair. “But I’m your state senator,” one of them decried, running for his life. Hey Mr. Senator, welcome to being black and brown skinned in America!

So how do the Republicans plan on making sure there can be no more stolen elections? It’s a brilliant plan. It’s by making it more difficult for people who tend to vote Democratic from voting. Their motto: “Stop the steal by stealing!”.

The anti-democratic assault on voting rights is something the Republicans have been doing since the 60’s. The 1965 Voting Rights Act mitigated against this by giving the Federal government the ability to intervene in states with a history of voter suppression. Shamefully, the Supreme Court in 2014 in Shelby vs Holder gutted the Act. After all, we had a black president, so the need to have oversight over bad actors making it more difficult for black and brown people to vote seemed so silly. America had finally fulfilled its promise as a “Post-Racial” society. Talk about the “Big Lie!”

Cut to today to witness our “Post-Racial” world where worrying about voting rights is just an illusion, where state legislators have introduced 361 bills in 47 states this year that contain limitations around voting. The measures include things like enhanced power for poll monitors, fewer voting drop-boxes, restrictions on voting by mail, penalties for election officials who fail to purge voters from the rolls, and enhanced power in politicians over election procedures. Oh and my favorite: Disallowing volunteers from distributing water to people on line to vote.

Republican poll watchers will be wearing shirts that say: “Dehydrate the Bastards.”

Surprise, surprise, that Georgia, where the Democrats won two highly contested Senate seats and a Democratic presidential candidate won for the first time since 1992, was the first to lay down the gauntlet to protect us from the myth of voter fraud.

In Florida, Ron De Satanist just signed a similar bill, and Texas is working its way to the same.

But my favorite is Arizona. Not only is the state trying to pass legislation to suppress voting, but it is trying to re-litigate the presidential election by having another recount!

The Don is foaming at the mouth at the prospects of finally proving that he won the election. If Arizona returns to the fold, Michigan, Wisconsin, Pennsylvania will be next in line for recounts.

70% of registered Republicans believe that when the truth is discovered he will ascend to his proper position as president. People: this is how democracies die!

But let’s return to Arizona and the mysterious appearance of the “Cyber Ninjas,” a company that has no experience in elections, and whose CEO, Doug Logan, helped to spread “Stop the Steal” conspiracy theories in the run-up to the Capitol riot. The Ninjas are now in possession of Maricopa County’s ballots and voting equipment. Call me crazy, but it sounds like the proverbial fox in the henhouse!

And there is a spiritual mission as well. According to Logan: “As a Christian company, we also believe we have a responsibility to serve, as Christ served.” Did you know Christ was a liar and a cheat? Call me crazy, but I thought he was all about spreading the truth!

Ninja Auditors went to work and took to using UV lights to scan ballots for evidence of fraud. Election officials scratched their heads in disbelief wondering what the Ninjas believed they would discover by using UV light. Conspiracy theorists who follow QAnon and Stop the Steal, however, believe that UV light will reveal that the ballots contain secret watermarks and other markings that will separate the authentic from the fake. Rumor has it that The Don, provided the Ninja’s with the UV light devices leftover from those heady days when he pronounced UV light could zap the coronavirus dead in its tracks.

With the UV lights unable to bear fruit of the faulty ballot, the Ninjas turned their expertise to proving that some of the ballots were made from bamboo to determine whether or not China delivered tens of thousands of fraudulent ballots to tip the state to Joe Biden.

If the bamboo search leads nowhere, the Ninjas are prepared to search for wheat grains in the paper that Italy uses for pasta, bring in sniffing dogs to detect faint amount of Brie from France and curry from India.

One thing is for sure: America has lost its right to be the proctor any elections, anywhere! It has forfeited its place in the world as the defender of democracy.

Another thing isn’t for sure, but should be: The Democrats better figure out a way to get Joe Manchin to do away with the filibuster so HR-1 and the John Lewis Voting Rights Act can be made law. If they don’t, the chances of fair and free elections in this country will be no more. [NOTE: this will be the last article posted to the OMFGTRUMP blog; from now on all new articles will be posted over at the brand new https://grandoffalparty.com/, so be sure to bookmark/follow/subscribe!]

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eddycurrents · 7 years

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For the week of 13 November 2017

Quick Bits:

Babyteeth #6 opens the floodgates of story after getting through the initial hurdle of getting Sadie and Clark out of imminent danger. Donny Cates gives us more depth as to what’s going on broader picture of the world and introduces us to the cult geared to protecting and raising Clark.

| Published by AfterShock

Black Science #33 has the shit hit the fan as the confrontation between Grant and Kadir reaches its peak and then reality breaks. The mix of mad science and philosophy from Rick Remender on display here is wonderful, seeing a representation of Platonic ideals mapped onto quantum realities in a kind of unfurling of Gnostic cosmology is impressive. So too is Matteo Scalera’s art. He and Moreno Diniso really get to cut loose this issue and it looks wonderful.

| Published by Image / Giant Generator

Bloodshot Salvation #3 gives a revelation to the “soon” timeline of what’s happened to Ray, while in the “now” we get a confrontation between Ray and Daddy, Colin King helping out Magic, and Project Omen causing complications. I probably sound like a broken record, but Jeff Lemire, Lewis LaRosa, and Mico Suayan are doing some great things with this series.

| Published by Valiant

Brilliant Trash #1 is an interesting take on superheroes. It’s a mix of government conspiracy and potentially mad science, told from the perspective of a journalist looking for a story in the appearance of a V-like figure, Lady Lastword’s, final speech and death. Tim Seely’s got something interesting here. Priscilla Petraites’ art is also quite nice, kind of a mix between Jamie McKelvie and Phil Hester.

| Published by AfterShock

Dark Fang #1 continues the trend of not naming the protagonist in the body of the first issue. The solicitation copy and end piece are what’s needed to piece together the full premise of the series and name of the protagonist. That said, Miles Gunter does have a decent story here. It’s environmentalism through the lens of a centenarian vampire, Valla, who was friends with a fish until modern industry destroyed her ecosystem. But first, earning money as a cam girl and getting caught up in society’s obsession with cell phones and the internet. The art from Kelsey Shannon is a definite plus.

| Published by Image

Deadpool vs. Old Man Logan #2 is every bit as fun, humorous, and action-packed as the first issue. Declan Shalvey has a great feel for both Wade and Logan and Mike Henderson’s art is truly wonderful. Only two issues in and this is just a fun, must-have wild ride.

| Published by Marvel

Evolution #1 is a very strong debut issue with multiple voices brought together by the singular visuals of Joe Infurnari. Infurnari has a style that is a bit Tom Mandrake and a bit Bill Sienkiewicz and it is absolutely perfect. If you like David Cronenberg’s early horror films, even just a little bit, you owe it to yourself to at least check this out.

| Published by Image / Skybound

The Family Trade #2 continues Jessa’s investigations into Berghardt and Mikkaelsen despite the protestation and outright prohibition by her Family. Her technique of getting close by blending in as a simple cleaning woman is a nice touch. The end, though, suffers a bit in who exactly Jessa is speaking to. I think it’s supposed to be her uncle, but I’m not sure.

| Published by Image

Fence #1 gives me the impression that everyone, even the protagonist, involved in competitive fencing is an asshole. That’s not necessarily a good impression of the sport, and gives a poor outlook on who to “cheer” for in the endeavour, but it may be an accurate depiction. Especially since many sports seem to be populated by jerks.

| Published by BOOM! Entertainment / Boom! Box

Generation Gone #5 is a suitably insane conclusion to the first arc of this series. It’s violent, angry, and explosive - kind of like how you’d expect kids to react when they find out that the world is designed to see them fail. André Lima Araújo’s art has just been fantastic on this series.

| Published by Image

Hawkeye #12 is a team-up issue between Kate and Laura (All-New Wolverine) with Gabby and Jonathan in tow as well, illustrated by guest artist Michael Walsh who is easily proving he’s a force to contend with. This issue looks great and is fun as hell.

| Published by Marvel

Jenny Finn #1 now in colour. If you haven’t read this masterpiece of Lovecraftian lit from Mike Mignola and Troy Nixey before, now’s a good time to do so. If you have, especially since this has been reprinted and repackaged a few times before, you’ll have to decide whether or not you want Dave Stewart’s colour. There was something to be said for the original black and white, although the colour version’s not bad.

| Published by Dark Horse

Kill the Minotaur #6 is both an expected and unexpected conclusion to the series. Ariadne and Theseus’ confrontation of the Minotaur is suitably epic. I can’t say much more than that because they’d be massive spoilers, so enjoy this amazing artwork from Lukas Ketner.

| Published by Image / Skybound

Killer Instinct #2 does what I was afraid the first issue was going to do and dumps a lot of characters with intricate backstories from the game on us in one go. Where the first issue mainly focused on one character to ease us into the world, this issue gives us more of the Coven, a bunch of characters fighting over the Killer Instinct Tournament, and Jago. While the Jago and Tsar bits are fairly well executed, the central bit over Ultratech is a bit of sludge. As I said in response to the first issue, I’ve never played the game and know little about the world, so this felt a bit like being dropped right in the deep end. The art from Cam Adams is still nice, though.

| Published by Dynamite

Maestros #2 quickly installs Will as the new Maestro and he begins making sweeping changes to the multiverse’s society, trying to bring concepts like equality and freedom to a world that only seems to know subjugation under magical will. It’s an interesting exploration of sociopolitical ideas from Steve Skroce and naturally it brings about severe pushback from those previously in charge. And betrayal.

| Published by Image

Mech Cadet Yu #4 features the cadets first full on confrontation with the Sharg and it’s about as exciting as you would expect. Takeshi Miyazawa’s art is just wonderful and it’s really nice to see Yu thinking on his feet during the battle to ensure the continued survival of the entire team.

| Published by BOOM! Studios

Minky Woodcock: The Girl Who Handcuffed Houdini #1 is interesting. The relationship between Harry Houdini and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle has certainly been in the zeitgeist lately, this one doing something different and focusing on the end of Houdini’s career, long since the two had their falling out. Cynthia von Buhler sets up Minky looking into Houdini debunking spiritualists at the request of Doyle fairly well, but the main enticement is von Buhler’s art. She has a style that reminds me a bit of Melinda Gebbie and it works incredibly well for the smoky, pulpy atmosphere of the story.

| Published by Titan / Hard Case Crime

Misfit City #7 lines up the dominoes in this penultimate issue. Overall this has been a great series and I’m excited to see how it ends. That being said, I wish there were more. The world needs more girl adventurer books and this one has been excellent.

| Published by BOOM! Entertainment / Boom! Box

Ninja-K #1 is a damn fine new direction for Colin King, looking deep into the past of the Programme, dealing with the history of Ninjas A through L, and putting forth a mystery as to who killed Ninja-D and appears to be targeting the other remaining operatives. Christos Gage gives us a compelling mix of mystery and spy thriller that’s only topped by Tomás Giorello’s incredible artwork. Damn fine work.

| Published by Valiant

Rasputin: The Voice of the Dragon #1 begins another pre-Hellboy, pre-BPRD series tying numerous disparate threads together and giving more backstory on the world. This first issue focuses more on Trevor Bruttenholm tracking down a decrypted Nazi message, but it could be about a talking head describing how to prepare an avocado because Christopher Mitten makes everything look amazing. Thankfully, though, the story isn’t bad either.

| Published by Dark Horse

The Realm #3 reveals some chinks in the baddies’ armour as strong personalities clash. The artwork from Jeremy Haun is again one of the main drawing factors. This series just looks great.

| Published by Image

Retcon #3 finally gets around to the premise that Matt Nixon and Toby Cypress were on about in the interview in the first issue. I’m thinking maybe for a storytelling point, they should have led with this, but it does give the series a better cohesion and purpose. This was the make or break issue for me and Crowley ripped from time to tattoo a baby won me over.

| Published by Image

Star Wars: Darth Vader #8 continues Jocasta Nu’s infiltration of the Jedi Archive to retrieve an artifact from under the nose of the Grand Inquisitor. This issue gets a little...explosive.

| Published by Marvel

Star Wars: Doctor Aphra #14 is Emilio Laiso’s debut on the comic and the artwork looks gorgeous. He did a great job on the Rogue One adaptation and it’s nice to see him back on a Star Wars title. Even if I’m going to miss the hell out of Kev Walker’s art.

| Published by Marvel

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles #76 allows no rest for the turtles as they return home from Dimension X, also after the brief excursion with the Ghostbusters. Damian Courciero looks like he’s handling the art chores for this arc and it’s a welcome addition. He has a darker, somewhat more realistic style and it suits the chaos and destruction going on with the Earth Protection Force’s first contact with the Triceratons.

| Published by IDW

Unholy Grail #4 continues this dark and twisted retelling of the Arthurian legend. Part of what really works about this series, though, is that it really isn’t that far removed from the other stories of glorious knights and magic, just given a different context,

| Published by AfterShock

Other Highlights: Adrift, Alien Bounty Hunter #2, Amazing Spider-Man #791, Ben Reilly: Scarlet Spider #10, Bolivar, Champions #14, Curse Words #10, Defenders #7, Descender #26, Doctor Strange #381, Dreadful Beauty: The Art of Providence, East of West #33, Guardians of the Galaxy #147, Horizon #16, Incidentals #4, Incredible Hulk #710, James Bond: Kill Chain #5, Mage: The Hero Denied #4, Mighty Thor #701, Not Brand Echh #14, Peter Parker: The Spectacular Spider-Man #297, Postal #24, Punisher #218, Ringside #13, Secret Warriors #8, Sheena: Queen of the Jungle #3, TMNT/Ghostbusters 2 #3, The Wicked & The Divine #33, X-Men Blue #15, Zojaqan #2

Recommended Collections: Ab Irato, Goldie Vance - Volume 3, James Bond - Volume 1: Vargr, Journey to Star Wars: The Last Jedi - Star Wars: Captain Phasma, Luke Cage - Volume 1: Sins of the Father, Nancy Drew & The Hardy Boys: The Big Lie, Regression - Volume 1: Way Down Deep, Rough Riders - Volume 2: Riders on the Storm, Star Wars: Poe Dameron - Volume 3: Legends Lost, World Reader - Volume 1

d. emerson eddy knows that evolution is a mystery, full of change that no one sees. He sees the line in the sand.

#This Week in Comics

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animationresources · 7 years

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CTN WRAPUP I've spent the last three days visiting with people at CTN-X. CTN is an amazing thing. It's kind of like the invasion of Normandy except with portfolio cases instead of guns! Platoons of people being dropped off to storm the beachhead of animation in an endless stream. It's a bit daunting and exhausting. My voice today is a croak from all the conversations! I'm going to start with a general note... I refer to young animators as "kids". That isn't meant as a pejorative thing. When I was in college people like Frank Thomas and Mike Lah and Grim Natwick would refer to me and my aspiring animation friends as "kids" too. They were honest and straightforward with me. They spent time sharing important information that I still use. I'm here today because of their generosity and kindness and the reason I do what I do is to "pay it forward" to the new crop of kids the same way they did for mine. If I call you a kid, it's a compliment. I'm telling you that you have what it takes and are worth investing into. That said, here are some of my reflections on CTN... When I would sit down to talk with a young artist, I would always start with a few questions to find out who they were and what their experience at CTN had been like. I learned some very interesting things. A lot of young artists were fresh out of college and were eager to show their work. They lined up to get their portfolios reviewed by studio recruiters, but when I would ask them what the reviewers had told them about their portfolios, they all said that they got very little time and feedback. The reviews were brisk, pretty general and the critique was not specific enough to be helpful. Most of the time the feedback was "Not yet. Keep working on it." That shouldn't be surprising. It's the job of a studio recruiter to identify artists who are qualified to fill their available positions. It's not their job to let applicants know how to become qualified. More and more schools are offering programs in animation. I met a lot of recent graduates who were looking for their first job in the business. I would always ask them if they were finding that their education had prepared them to find their first job in animation. Every single one of them answered the same- no. That also shouldn't be surprising. It's possible to give a student an overview of the general points of what it means to work in animation, but learning the specific skills is their responsibility. School isn't a place where you buy an education off the shelf. It's a forum for learning. The self study students do in school is even more important than their classwork. It takes self study to get the fundamental skills to land the first entry level job. It takes self study to advance those skills to get promoted to a better job. If you want to advance and grow as an artist, that self study is what gets you there and it never ends. Grim Natwick was setting aside two hours of each day to study when he was 95 years old. It's important to develop that drive and focus to learn on your own early in your schooling. If you wait until after you've graduated to figure that out, you've wasted four of the most valuable years of your life. I see kids with the "deer in the headlights" look on their faces all the time, and events like CTN just remind them of all the things they should have done but haven't made the effort to do yet. I met a lot of kids that "get it" and a lot of kids that don't. I sat down and talked to them and helped them as best as I could and gave them the time it took to get to the point where I asked, "Do you have any more questions?" and they said "No, I understand." My other AR Board Members Taber, JoJo, Pez, Paul and Mike were all there generously doing the same. After one of us had spent a half hour or more helping explain what is needed to work in animation and how to acquire those skills, every single aspiring animator said the same thing to us. They told us how much our honesty and clarity meant to them. No one else at CTN had given them the same kind of help that we had. That shouldn't be surprising either. Companies at CTN are there to serve their own purposes- to sell their product, advertise their services, recruit candidates for employment- no one is there specifically to help and support artists... except for Animation Resources. When I explained to people what Animation Resources was all about, I would see a look of puzzlement in their eyes. They would be trying to think of another group to compare us to. There's the Union that's focused on the business aspects of animation. There's ASIFA which has become a professional organization, but they don't really address the needs of aspiring artists or independent animators. There are schools, but they are focused on a tuition based curriculum. Women in Animation do good things, but they are focused on women who work in the business. Animation Resources is different. We're a non-profit group that is dedicated to serving artists. We are "artists for artists". Nothing more. Nothing less. You would think there would be a lot of that, but there really isn't. It's just us. I kept seeing that expression of puzzlement as I would explain that we were an educational group that supported self study- meaning no formal lessons, tests or grades. Our charter is to pile up golden reference- the best of the best- so people who want to study can study from the best. Animation students generally didn't know they even needed that, and many professionals I spoke to had never considered that they might need to focus on objective analysis and study if they want to sharpen their skills and advance. But as I talked to them, I would see the look of realization form in their eyes as they began to understand. Then they would get excited and grab a brochure with our website link so they could sign up as soon as they got home to their computer. We live in an era of social media. Everything is bite sized. I understand that. This article I'm writing now is too long for Facebook. Very few people will get to the end of it. But you can't get the ideas across that Animation Resources is trying to get across in 140 characters or a five minute portfolio review at CTN. I'm counting on the people who are serious enough to want to become animators to take the time to absorb the treasures all of us at Animation Resources are taking the time to digitize and share with you. Two professional animators came up to me at CTN and said that they follow us on Facebook and Instagram. They raved about how great the frame by frame breakdowns are- the ones Nicholas John Pozega posts for us every day. They said they are always amazed by the images we post. I asked them if they had ever clicked through to the website. They admitted that they hadn't. They are on their phone and not on a computer, and it's hard to read articles and view galleries of images on a phone. I told them that as professionals, they should have enough of an interest in their art form to figure out a way to bookmark important reference and follow up on it. The purpose of Animation Resources isn't to entertain. It's to inspire and facilitate learning. The lesson for students is the same as the lesson for professionals. The responsibility for learning, growing and advancing as an artist is up to you. We're willing to help you with that, but ultimately it's still up to you. Seeing the spark of understanding and enthusiasm in young artists' eyes is a great thing. I finished up my conversations with all of them the same way... I pointed out that Walt Disney pushed the art of animation forward light years between Steamboat Willie and Snow White. In that short period of ten years, he set the standard of quality and expressiveness that we all look up to. The way he did that was by instituting a program of self study under Don Graham that taught artists how to analyze and break down reference and apply it to their work. We look up to films like Fantasia and Pinocchio to this day. Some people talk about a "second golden age". But we shouldn't go backwards. We should build on the knowledge of the past and apply it to creating a future that is relevant to today and reflects who we are as a society. Reboots and aping style won't do that. Mining the past for technique and observing our world for personalities and things to talk about will create something better than the golden age. I would end our conversation by saying "Make cartoons that I want to watch." I also have to say that speaking to professionals was gratifying as well. I met a few folks I worked with twenty years ago and haven't seen since then. They told me how much they enjoyed working with me back then and that was very nice... but they also said that they have kept up with what I'm doing now with Animation Resources and thanked me for it. I had a gentleman come up to the booth and put his hand on my shoulder and say "Are you Stephen Worth?" I said yes, and he said, "I'm here to thank you and apologize." I was a bit taken aback because I didn't recognize him. He said, "I've been following the Animation Archive for many years. I've used your material and appreciated everything you do. I thank you for that. But I apologize because I've never sent you any money to help you support the project. When I get home, I'm going to correct that and send you a check." I told him, "Don't send a donation. Join as a member. That's the best way to show that we are helping you." "Done." he said. I asked if he was an artist. He said, yes I'm a director... and then he told me a couple of the films that he directed. I knew instantly who he was. He was one of the keynote speakers at CTN. I had never met him and didn't recognize him by sight, but I sure knew all about his great work. I was floored that he knew all about me and my passion project. Sometimes those of us at Animation Resources don't know if the messages in a bottle we're packing up and sending out through the WWW and social media are getting out there over the vast ocean of the internet. I thank Tina Price and all the people behind CTN for creating this great opportunity for the family of animation to get together and celebrate our art form. For me, CTN this year was like thanksgiving. Now I can make my turkey and have another one! -Stephen Worth

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symmen · 6 years

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Hello to all the fighters out there:

“I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m going.” 86 year old Alzheimer’s patient said with a smile.

With that statement, I was reminded that one of the most important ways you can help someone is by offering some guidance when it is needed. I haven’t posted my complete story of my struggle with anxiety and panic disorder before, not because of shame, or fear, or pain, but because I think that it’s too complicated, or self-indulgent, or slightly narcissistic. However, I think that for those who are new to opening up about the pain of depression, suicide, self-harm, loneliness, sadness, isolation, anxiety, panic, or any other socially painful issue, hearing the ongoing stories of their fellow fighters can make a difference.

So please excuse the length this is sure to become. Not only is it a long story, but I am a very wordy person. (It’s in my nature to talk – a lot – really – a lot.)

So here it goes… It was a dark and stormy night. Oops, wrong story. Well, no actually, anyone can tell you that the most beautiful nights will feel dark and stormy when you are faced with the pain and agony of mental illness. My dark and stormy night lasted for years and there were times when I thought the only way out was, well…out. I have been married for 27+ years now, and while my story started long before I even met my husband, it became the most difficult and life-changing just before our 15th anniversary (that’s 2003 for those not wanting to do the math.) My story isn’t mine alone either – none of ours really are. We share our lives with so many people. The passing impact of those around us can often unintentionally change the course of our lives – for better or worse.

For months, my husband, Mike, had been having all kinds of physical issues. One of the most misunderstood aspects of mental health problems is that they can manifest themselves with physical symptoms. He could not concentrate, his vision was bad, his sleep patterns were all over the place, he had headaches, twitches, muscle pain, trouble remembering, and motor coordination problems. All a really big issue for a man who makes his living as a professional musician. It is in his nature to hide his flaws (who among us doesn’t feel this way). He feared it would look like he was making excuses or allowing it to get in his way. It was something for him to deal with and of no business to the rest of the world.

As we went from doctor to doctor, it just got worse. Test after test revealed nothing. Mike isn’t really keen on doctors, to begin with, (especially ones that can’t offer answers) and getting him to continue when the results were so pathetic became an ongoing struggle. We started fighting – and not in a good way. I had long dealt with panic and anxiety, but mostly on my own and in silence. However, my panic attacks became more frequent and my anxiety more pronounced. I spent most of my days in tears.

I am a fix-it girl by nature. Whether objects, animals, humans, or society, I want to make it all better, and the most painful thing that can happen is to be made impotent to help. So we started having the same circular argument. It went something like this:

Mike: “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.!” Me: “What can I do to help? I don’t know what I can do.” Mike: “It’s not about you!” Me: “I know that, but I don’t know what to say!” Mike: “Just forget it.”

Spiral down from there. Doors slamming, tears flowing, chairs occasionally breaking, threats of leaving, actual leaving, and on, and on, and on.

It got so bad that I was afraid to go home. Not because I was afraid of him, but because I was afraid for him. I didn’t know if I would come home and find him hanging from the rafters, or curled up in a fetal position – catatonia having taken over. I didn’t want to have the same argument again. I began to have increased panic attacks – both in frequency and intensity. My anxiety skyrocketed, and my migraines, weight, stress, and blood pressure all shot through the roof. I started thinking of ways to end myself as well. I entertained the spectacular – drive off a cliff – or the instant impact of a car vs. a wall – or maybe just driving until I ran out of gas and walking until I ran out of… me. I worked through all the options until one night I finally left. I just couldn’t take the pain anymore. Without plan or purpose, I got in my car and I drove. And then I stopped, hyperventilated until I passed out, came too, cried until the blood vessels in my eyes burst, and the racking sobs caused my body to shake violently. When there was nothing left and I was completely empty, I decided I couldn’t care anymore. I couldn’t continue to endure this pain. I built a fortress of protection around myself and cut off the emotionally damaged pieces that were so very devastating. And in that empty void, I found I could think. I thought about the good, the bad, and the ugly. I found that I no longer needed him to survive – I would be fine all by myself. I was strong enough to make it alone and without him, I figured the pain would lessen. But then I also saw that I wanted him in my life – that I liked the us that was greater than me. That his very smile, as infrequent as it was, made my life brighter. That what we had built over the 15 years was an amazing and intricate structure of two lives woven together. There was something freeing about realizing that I had a choice. In this empty void I created with the emotional wall, I was able to see that I could find my way back. Not because I needed him in my life, but because I wanted him there. Because what we were together was something greater than each of us alone. That the reasons I married him in the first place were still there – buried under the crap we were heaping on each other because we didn’t understand what was really wrong – that depression, anxiety, and mental illness were in control of our lives.

So, I drove home. Of course, by this time I was somewhere in the middle of Wyoming, and Denver was a long way away, but I drove. And when I got there around sun-up, he was there too. And I told him I didn’t need him. But I also told him I wanted him – that I wanted to find the us that had been lost.

Us 25th Anniversary Camping Trip in Canada

So we really started the fight – this time the fight that defines this group. And we fought our way through more doctors until one finally suggested that the physical issues might be the manifestation of clinical depression. Now the fight became one of finding the right combination of meds – for him and for me. It became one of talk therapy and counseling to fix the places that had been broken and to tear down the walls that had been built – of facing the pain and damage that we had wrought on ourselves and each other – of building us anew. I had often heard that it is at the lowest point that you find your way back. That’s a little like saying my keys were in the last place that I looked. (Think about it for a minute.) Your lowest point is always the place where you find your choices. And the choices you make will forever define your future. Suicide is a choice – but so is living. I firmly believe that living is the more difficult, the more painful, the more complicated choice. But it is also the most amazing, the most wonderful, the most beautiful one. Without darkness, the moon would not shine. Without pain, the wonderful means nothing. It is in the opposites that we can see the colors that fill our lives. In the pain and desperation felt by one, all the rest become the saviors – every broken person has a piece that will fit someone else. A kind word or touch becomes the lifeline needed to always keep fighting.

I am lucky to have a spouse that I can turn to when I am not enough for myself – when my strength and courage seem missing in action. But we also find strength from our animals.

Our cats (5) and dogs (2) are often found lying in a big pile on the bed – heads, tails, arms, legs, and bodies wrapped around each other to form a big furry pile of indistinguishable shapes. The concept of “cat” or “dog” being unimportant to the greater purpose. I got my first cat when my anxiety about college got to be too much. I thought needing to care for something else would help me focus. And it did. She needed me and I couldn’t fail her and in return, she would give to me the love and affection that I needed in the middle of the night, in the middle of a crying jag. Maybe it is telling about our mental states that we have so many animals – maybe we just have big hearts and are suckers for furry faces. Whatever the reason, there are times when they have pulled us through – when we both were spiraling down and needed a warm furry body to bury our faces in.

Today we continue to Always Keep Fighting. Sometimes we win the battle, sometimes we lose the skirmish. But we survive to begin another day tomorrow. Each day is a choice to live, to share, to change someone else’s for the better. We are still broken, but then what favorite item isn’t a little frayed around the edges, chipped on the corner, dented, scratched, or bent in the middle – and it is the flaws that make it ours and ours alone.

I worked at an Alzheimer’s residential home. As I fix-it girl, I had to learn that I can’t hope to fix what is broken but to simply make their today as good as possible. My ladies would often say they cannot repay the kindness I show them. What they don’t see, and what has become so important to me, is that in giving, I am repairing my own soul. I fill in the cracks with their smiles and laughter.

Always Keep Fighting… It’s worth every cut and scrape you take. Remember fighters that you are not alone. You have a family ready with band-aids to help seal your wounds.

We re-committed to each other on our 15th anniversary with matching tattoos that say:

Love Strength Courage With Single-hearted Devotion

I don’t always know where I am going…but I’m going. And I want all y’all to go with me.

Team Nevin Love unconditionally Live life like a 12-year-old Give even when you think you have nothing And…Always Keep Fighting.

I am a huge fangirl of the show Supernatural and of the work the lead actors are doing to destigmatize mental illness. Jared Padalecki has been the driving force behind the #AlwaysKeepFighting campaigns to raise funds to support various causes promoting mental health awareness. He has become very vocal about his own struggles and the importance of realizing how many people live with mental illness. His drive has prompted fans everywhere to reach out to each other and offer support and strength – from creating facebook groups dedicated to supporting, to Twitter campaigns to match people willing to buy represent.com shirts for those who can’t afford one. The work that Jared and Jensen Ackles are doing has taken on a life of its own. If you struggle with any kind of mental illness, please reach out to someone – you are not alone – there is a world of fighters ready to help.

Some places to find help:

National Suicide Hotline

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ 1-800-273-8255

An Online Crisis Network

IMAlive

The first online network with 100% of its volunteers trained and certified in crisis intervention.

To Write Love on Her Arms

TWLOHA is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope & finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury, & suicide.

Always Keep Fighting

#AlwaysKeepFighting ~ My story about struggling with suicide (a reposting from 8/4/2015) Hello to all the fighters out there: “I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m going.” 86 year old Alzheimer's patient said with a smile.

#Always Keep Fighting #anxiety #Depression #Hope #joy #life #love #marriage #pain #Suicide #survival

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wanderingthroughwickford · 7 years

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7, 12, 45, 78, 111, for the numbers ask!

Thanks, anon! :D

120 Nancy Drew Questions Ask

7. Do you read Nancy Drew FanFiction?

Not all that often. I’ve written a little bit myself, I had this whole Hunger Games AU fic planned out at one point, but I don’t really read much beyond short drabbles. I remember going through the FanFiction.net archive as far back as, say, 2007/8ish, but all they really had were AEs that I wasn’t really interested in. Since I joined the Clue Crew fandom here, I’ve read a bit more, but most of the fics focus on romance, which, again, isn’t all that big a draw for me, especially in ND where I don’t have many ships I’m passionate about.

Though I have read some good things. now that I think about it. One of my close online friends who unfortunately deactivated here (erroneous-luka) had some great oneshots, and just last summer I read and faved a really good Katie/Jenna fic on A03. I tend to prefer fics about side characters (those who only appear in one game) than those about the main gang.

12. What’s your favorite Nancy Drew book series? Why?

I mean … I guess the originals? Like the yellow-back ones from the 50s (which I’m aware aren’t the *originals* but I’ve never actually read those). I admit, they’re not really that well-written, and the stereotypes found in them can be really off-putting. I’m more attached to them for the nostalgia value than anything else, to be honest. But on the other hand, I haven’t read that many of the newer books, just a couple here and there that the games are based off of, like Message in a Haunted Mansion, Secret of the Scarlet Hand, and Treasure in the Royal Tower.

45. Who’s your least favorite character in Danger on Deception Island?

Lol for some reason I just … felt like I was going to get this question? I remember scrolling through the list and thinking “I bet I’m going to get least favorite DDI character, for some reason.” Maybe it’s because I reblog a lot of DDI stuff, idk. (To be fair it’s one of my favorite games.)

Mmmm well I guess I should say Andy since he’s the villain, but you know what? I find him kind of entertaining. “Whales rule” and all that. So I’m going to go with Holt. I saw a post a little while ago like “he probably voted for Trump” and you know what? I can’t argue with that. He just seems like the kind of person who’d sit around and grumble about millennials and how much better things were in “the good old days” and how smartphones and selfies are ruining society. Plus, having Nancy arrested for bringing him the wrong gender of crab, when he specifically made her go get one? Seriously?

78. Who’s your favorite character in Tomb of the Lost Queen? Why?

Hmm well I haven’t actually played it, per se, just watched my mom play it here and there. But I guess Jamilia seems pretty cool. It’s great that HER put in a Muslim woman who wears a hijab (at least I think that’s what it is, correct me if it’s the wrong term) and not only isn’t the villain, but is smart, educated, and independent. I only know vaguely about her backstory with this … secret order of women protecting the tomb, or something? but that seems cool. Plus, I really like the name Jamilia. So I’m going with her.

111. Are you upset with Her Interactive for taking longer on this game than the other ones?

Ohhh boy, the inevitable MID question. I mean, like … I’ve largely tried to stay out of it but at this point I don’t even know what to feel anymore. But I’ll try to sum it up (without stepping on too many toes). And this is reaally reaallly long so feel free to skip it lol.

I’m not really all that displeased on a personal level because I still have so many games to catch up on (TMB, SPY, MED, LIE, SEA) and I get pretty much endless fun out of replaying the previous games, so if MID was potentially to never come out and we were never to get any more Nancy Drew games…? It would suck, yes. It’d be sad, in an ‘end of an era’ sort of way. But I’d be all right. Everything has to come to an end, and we’ve had a really good run. 1998-2015, for a female-led point-and-click PC game series? That’s pretty impressive.

And, to be honest, I went through a low period back in the early 2010s when I thought I was never going to be able to play a lot of my Nancy Drews again because they wouldn’t work on more modern computers - but now that I know you can buy them on Steam and that there are ways of making older games work on modern computers and such, I know that I don’t have to worry about losing them anymore. As long as I can hold on to the ones I already have, I’ll be fine. There’s a question I’ve heard posed that’s like “If you had to choose between losing all your old memories and never being able to make new ones, what would you do?” and personally I’d definitely go with keeping all my old memories. That’s just who I am.

BUT - this is a big but - that’s all 100% personal. As in, if I was the only person in the Clue Crew, that’s how I’d look at the situation. But I know it’s not all just about me - I know there are lots of fans out there, be they young kids just getting into the series or veteran fans longing for more, who will be massively disappointed, even heartbroken, if MID does not come out. So that’s where my feelings of discontentment come into play, not necessarily for myself, but for the fandom in general. When I entered the Clue Crew in 2014, it was vibrant and thriving and I was amazed to find so many like-minded people who weren’t homeschooled 13-year-olds on the HER Boards. Now … the fandom’s really suffering, and we all know that. A lot of really popular blogs have shut down or just aren’t posting anymore. There’s been a lull in content because, really, how many new jokes or insightful posts can be made when there hasn’t been new content in 2 years? It’s saddening to see that happen, because even with the drama that has sometimes occurred, I really do love the Clue Crew.

But here’s the thing - I don’t really want to lay the blame at anyone’s feet. I just don’t feel I’m educated enough on the situation to start pointing fingers. I know HER putting all their money/advertising towards new projects and constantly brushing off any questions about MID is annoying, but I don’t feel can criticize them, because I don’t know the first thing about making video games or running a company. I’m embarrassed by their painful attempts to capture an older demographic by posting forced unfunny memes on their Facebook page, but at the same time … isn’t that sort of inevitable when a company run by adults attempts to appeal to teenagers? I mean, just look at the Denny’s Tumblr. And haven’t Clue Crew members been wanting HER Interactive to reach out to the young adult internet fandom and its style of humor forever? I know that the result has been underwhelming, to say the least, but, I don’t know … I’m having a hard time being mad.

And the same goes for the fandom. I’ve gotten kind of tired of the constant bitterness and negativity towards HER; I hate seeing people harass and annoy HER employees on Facebook or whatever; and even trolling the HER forums with jokes about Big Island Mike, Communism, Satanic subliminal messages, etc. was never really that funny to me in the first place (esp. because, like … the kids on these forums are super sheltered people who probably have super overprotective parents and I honestly wouldn’t have a hard time believing that if their parents see this kind of shit going down and misunderstand the context [as parents are wont to do] they might not let the kids go on the HER boards anymore.) BUT, I can see where all this stuff is coming from - a feeling of boredom, frustration, and betrayal. And I get that. So I can’t really judge any of that too harshly, either.

I guess I’d say that in general, I’m not bothered about MID on a daily level, though when the time eventually comes that I finish all the Nancy Drews, that might very well change. But it’s when I interact with the fandom, see how stagnant it’s become, and see how hurt the longtime fans of this company are, then it starts to work me up a little more. Still, I can’t really manage anger … only disappointment.

#Nancy Drew #HER/MID drama under cut #ask meme

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davidfostercomedyblog · 7 years

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I’m With Kap: Why I Support Kneeling for the Anthem

I love Mike Francesa, though said love is mostly compartmentalized to his views and subsequent expressions on sports and athletes. I’ll never forget the experience of falling in love with his show as it became quickly apparent that he was in my brain, better yet, the better version of my brain, poignantly elaborating on everything I’d thought and wished I could express in a way that made every other sports talk guy sound second rate. Nevertheless, my brother and I would joke that we’d never before observed a greater disparity within one person’s IQ between one subject matter and every other in the world.

Have you ever heard Francesa discuss movies or TV shows or political climate? Before your eyes (ears) he suddenly transforms from all-knowing guru into this generic, old, white, Long Island dad, who isn’t necessarily racist but says some things that racists say, thinks Frank Caliendo is funny, and… voted for Trump.

I was once listening as one of his callers, typically cut from the same cloth pontificated on the Colin Kaepernick saga by making the point: “Football is entertainment, Mike. It’s entertainment, am I right? (red flag any time someone poses this rhetorical) We don’t need to turn on the TV at 1:00 for our favorite pastime on Sundays and have it ruined by these guys kneeling during the national anthem. It’s supposed to be entertainment.”

I held my breath in prayer that Mike would come through for me.

“That’s a great point,” Mike said, “ a really great point,” and he broke my heart.

First of all, do they even televise the national anthem before every game? I’m honestly not even sure because like most fans, I don’t tune in for the national anthem, and I’d venture a guess that up until now this caller didn’t either. I think we can all agree that the entertainment is in the actual football, so until players start wearing NAACP stickers on their helmets or perform end zone celebrations that include raising one fist as they hang a Nazi dummy from the end zone post, I’d say the entertainment compartment remains unblemished.

Mike continued in accord: “People work hard all week long, and they just want to relax on Sundays and watch football – not your political protest. And you’ll see, you keep doing it and people will stop watching, and you’ll have to get a regular job paying not nearly as much as you’re getting paid now to play a kids’ game.”

Okay…

1. Umm, no they won’t (stop watching). Do you have any idea how popular football is? I know you do. The NFL could air Black Panther rallies over the national anthem and KKK cross burnings at the Super Bowl halftime show and it would still do better numbers than any NBA finals or World Series game. If you think the mindless drones of the Midwest who worship football second only to the Lord in heaven, Jesus Christ, and Donald Trump, are going to stop watching football you are out of your Diet Coke-infested mind.

2. Can we agree that the only thing more reprehensible than getting paid loads of money for playing a kids’ game is getting paid loads of money for simply talking about said kids’ game?

3. If a five second clip of five or ten guys silently kneeling while the surrounding 75,000 others are standing in reverence compromises your ability to relax on Sundays then you should seek immediate mental health.

Obviously one is free to disagree whether there is in fact social injustice, but isn’t this part of what makes our country great, the very first amendment: Freedom of Speech? Aren’t you that much less “American” when you protest peoples’ right to protest, ironically shitting on the Bill of Rights whenever it happens to not appease your views? When Lebron James, Carmelo Anthony and Chris Paul used their platform to speak out against violence in urban communities it didn’t seem to bother anyone. Mohammed Ali and Arthur Ashe were activists whose legacies are both celebrated, and Bruce Springsteen often interrupts his actual entertainment to do the same. Why didn’t any half-wit, Jersey douche bags call in about these?

When Kaepernick first made the decision to kneel I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. I knew it didn’t offend me as an American. I just wondered what a lot of others did, whether it was the right context for the action, in terms of potential efficacy towards intention. For years it was one of the biggest stories in sports, which might indicate actualization of the first stage of efficacy.

He made it clear that his choice had nothing to do with disrespecting the troops or their families – that there are many components of a nation, and his message was in regards to just one of those components. One could equally choose to kneel in protest of the drug companies, health insurance or legalization of Monsanto poisoning our food. Or we could stand in support of the troops, our democratic freedom and land of occupational opportunity. I found this point to be thoughtful, indisputable, also personally relatable.

I grew up a huge hip hop head and was often judged and criticized, mostly by fellow whites as being inauthentic, the inverse of an Uncle Tom; but also occasionally by black people, for not having the right to culturally appropriate “their thing,” because I didn’t have to worry about getting shot by cops when I walk down the street.

I always thought this was an unfair card to pull, since as abhorrent as police brutality is, it still makes up a very small percentage of the black experience in America. I’ve lived in New York my entire life and have spent a huge chunk of time in black communities. If the people I see on the streets are in this alleged perpetual state of worry about getting shot then I’d hate to see what they look like when they’re relaxed. I think it’s horrible how authorities have often dealt with the black community, but it would be as impossible for blacks to be relegated to a perpetual state of worry or fear as it was for New Yorkers to be of terrorism after 9/11.

This is classic cherry picking, highlighting only the most tragic examples of a particular reality in order to make an accused transgressor seem as such. My hip hop appropriations being labeled as disrespectful to social inequality was as inaccurate as Kaepernick’s kneeling is to the troops or their families.

As we grow into adulthood we become abundantly aware that we are flawed, then we come to terms with accepting that the partner we fall in love with is as well. I remember how enlightening it was for me in adolescence when I first heard (white) friends criticize “white people” in broad strokes that were only somewhat tongue and cheek. This was huge for me, and so logical. Of course! We live in the diverse melting pot of New York. We should surely specify when we’re talking about white people, as there are other people in the world. Secondly, “white people” as a group have resounding flaws, as well as strengths, and it’s OK to acknowledge either or both. The same goes for black people, Hispanics, Asians and Arabs, as well as men, women, and groups of every religion. I think one of the primary red flags for stupidity is a failure to recognize the shortcomings of the group which one is inherently a part of. Much more disturbing to me than the 15 or 20 black players I see kneeling for the national anthem is how long it took to see even one white player join them.

As individuals we are microcosms of our group and/or our nation, which means if we are flawed so must be our macrocosm, which means we should take every opportunity to correct said flaws. We’re quick to honor and celebrate those of us who make great efforts to address their individual shortcomings, but equally quick to attack those who attempt the same for the group they are a part of. Colin Kaepernick is part of the black “group,” but he is also a part of America, a successful, upstanding part I might add. For this it pains me to see teams run from signing him, as fast as he’s run for so many end zones, in fear of backlash from their fan base who might oppose his peaceful protests. The Philadelphia Eagles signed Michael Vick after he was released from prison for the violent crime of torturing and killing fighting dogs. Kaepernick, conversely, is legally protesting violence with the intention of raising social awareness, and he can’t get back into the league. It should be no surprise that our society is in the state that it is. Also, fuck the Eagles.

#colinKaepernick #imwithkap #imwithkaepernick #national anthem protest #nfl

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tessatechaitea · 4 years

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Justice Society of America #8

Oh no! Hate! It must be stopped!

That caption sounded sarcastic, didn't it? It sort of sounds like a centrist arguing against somebody saying something that nobody should be on the other side of. "Of course Black Lives Matter! Nobody is saying they don't! Why even bother bringing it up?! You're just causing trouble!" is the kind of thing that has made me hate people who identify as "non-political" or "centrist" or "libertarian" or "Proud Husband. Father. Christian." Nobody needs to hear from you if the only thing you have to say is that nobody needs to be fighting for the things they need to be fighting for! "If it's already a crime, why do we need more stringent laws for punishing crimes motivated by hate. Aren't all criminal acts hateful?" says the person ignoring reality for their own selfish interests of which I can't even begin to guess. Enough about people who have chosen to be non-people. Let's discuss a comic book from 1993 that probably takes a stronger stance against fascism than a frightening large number of Americans today.

This advert on the inside front cover would be better if the picture over "very rare" was a cow. I mean, it wouldn't work for baseball cards but I would like it better.

I think the best part about actually living in a world where superheroes are real is that day in 5th Grade when Hawkman and Hawkwoman visit your class to talk about Egyptian archaeology. The issue begins by catching up with Hawkman and Hawkwoman as they continue their quest to steal Egyptian cultural artifacts. You have to give them a pass on this though! In 1993, people just believed archaeology was a thrilling way to bring treasures into museums for everybody to share! It's not like we had hundreds of years to reflect on how terrible this practice was. You have to do some cultural math by subtracting the number of years Western culture believed whatever it did was right and just from, I don't, negative 100? Do you think we'll have learned some humbleness and respect in one hundred years? Most kids who grew up in the 70s wanted to be boring ass truck drivers but by the 80s, thanks to Indiana Jones, they wanted to be boring ass archaeologists. Kids aren't the greatest at determining what a fun adult job might be. Did you know there are people who get angry at the supposition that digging up and taking cultural artifacts and treasures from other countries to bring back to your own might be theft? Generally they're the same type of people who believe that all advances to civilization were brought about by white culture. They hold this opinion through absolutely no evidence at all. How do I know they don't have any evidence? Because if they looked for evidence, they'd wind up reading history and realize their claim was too ludicrous to continue defending.

You might think Hawkgirl is commenting on the gigantic sarcophagus the native archaeologists are opening but I know she's making an innuendo about Hawkman's cock because she's doing that thing with her hat where she lifts it up and down and waggles her eyebrows.

It's not really much of a joke though because nobody expects Hawkman's penis to be as large as a fifty foot long sarcophagus. I mean, I'm sure it's big but it's not going to be unwieldy! It's probably almost exactly the same size and shape as his mace. Interlude: here are some Facebook posts I made on several different July 26thes because I guess I think of it as a holiday to entertain my future self every July 26th? Whatever the case, I love Past Me more than Future Me and possibly even more than Present Me. Because of the Hays Code, Alfred Fatcock had to change his name to keep making films. How patriotic would you consider a person who got a flag pregnant? War Games is my favorite movie because it taught me that trying is pointless. The first item on my bucket list is to buy a bucket. End of Interlude. Can you tell I'm stalling because maybe eight issues of this comic book was too much? Here's an adult riddle: What's twenty-five feet long, wrapped in bandages, and has an eye in the middle of its head?

This guy's penis!

I don't recognize the guy with three eyes but I'm sure he's some immortal wizard named Amn Thoth or something. While the Carters discover ancient mummy curses, Johnny Quick tries to convince Rex that his hour of strength doesn't come from a drug at all but deep inside him. He doesn't need to pop pills to be a superhero; he just needs to balance his chakras and figure out his mantra. Then he'll tap into some deep spiritual part of himself that is probably just a meta(l)gene and whammo! Hourman is back and straight edge! But Rex doesn't buy it. Especially since learning his mantra isn't going to cure his son's cancer (which he got from taking Miraclo). Also in the hospital is Wesley Dodd who is doing therapy to recover from his stroke. Plus his friend Bishop Tumutuu who was some guy who fought against Apartheid. And because the Bishop is in the hospital, the white supremacists are gathering outside to not wish him well.

Shouldn't they hear what they have to say and debate them to better strengthen their own side of the argument on why all people should have equal opportunity with all rights and freedoms promised by this country?

I'm absolutely for freedom of all speech. But the problem that the American media and a lot of people on the Internet have fallen into is the idea that all speech needs to be discussed and debated equally. That's the whole "freedom of speech" trap. Whenever somebody on Twitter wants to debate some terrible topic that nearly all kind and forward thinking people realize is a monstrous and terrible idea and you simply mock them for their terrible beliefs or tell them to shut up, they think you're clamping down on their free speech. No, sir. You were able to say the stupid thing you wanted to say. What you actually want is for a Constitutional Amendment that forces me tor respect what you said and debate it as if the matter has yet to be resolved. The media does this all the time by allowing both sides of an opinion to debate which only legitimizes the side with the terrible take. Sure, we should allow racists to go on CNN and declare their stance on race relations. But the people on the other side shouldn't be debating that topic with them. They should just laugh at them and point and tell them how terrible they are. Maybe get some of that slime from You Can't Do That on Television for rebuttals. Freedom of speech needs way more mockery and far less debate if it's going to recover. Hourman responds to the white supremacists with a "None of my business!" because he's a terrible centrist who believes that if the status quo isn't making his life rough, why rock the boat? Also his son is dying of cancer so maybe he's a bit distracted. I shouldn't be so hard on him when he's wracked with the guilt of probably killing his son with his drugs. The white supremacists begin making trouble so it's time for the JSA to put an end to hate! Or will hate win out? I mean, this comic book was written in 1993 and I don't feel like hate has backed down.

Sure, he's against metahumans now. But just wait until one of them decides to wear on of those stupid hats and silly robes!

Watching the speedsters begin to get pummeled by the huge mass of white supremacists, Hourman accidentally balances his chakras! He's suddenly powerful without the drugs or the black lights or the Doctor Fate deep muscle massages! Now if he can convince his son that the power of Miraclo has been inside him all along, his son will have the strength to battle the cancer! Why did I use an exclamation point on that previous sentence when I don't really fucking care about Rex Tyler and his son! Hourman crashes out of the hospital window to save Johnny Quick. He lets Jesse do her own thing because he's heard about women's lib and also she's not an old man whose powers have significantly dwindled over time.

My adrenal gland just got bigger too!

In the end, the Bishop is saved and even Wesley Dodd joins the fight! Or he just absentmindedly shot off his sandman gun and coincidentally put the Bishop's assassin to sleep. It's hard to tell since he's still suffering from his retirement party stroke. The issue ends with Green Lantern surfing the television when he comes upon Carter Hall's interview program where he's interviewing the mummy they dug up, a man named Edmund Kulak. Since Green Lantern recognizes him, I guess he's one of the JSA's foes. According to the Who's Who, Kulak can use his third eye to cause everybody on Earth to hate each other. I guess that's why the white supremacists were acting up (and also wearing eyes on their hats and robes). Having a magical reason for racism is always a better comic book story than acknowledging a lot of people are racist of their own free will. Imagine all the angry letters that the pre-Comicsgate generation would have had to write in! "I'm not racist but I don't think you should portray all white people as racist because that is racist! Logic for the win!" That might seem like I created a 1993 Strawman but have you read the letters reacting to the Tales of the Teen Titans Spotlight on Starfire about Apartheid? My pretend letter was practically verbatim of one or two of the letters Mike Gold had to respond to on that series! Justice Society of America #8 Rating: B-. I think I've read enough old stories about old people fighting immortals. The whole mortality angle is really bringing me down!

#Justice Society of America #JSA #DC Comics #Mike Parobeck #Mike Machlan #Len Strazewski

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emeraldorchids · 7 years

Note

Can you do a Mirandy story about depression, like how you had Miranda in Infidelity? Maybe a sequel or epilogue?? :-D :-D

Note: This could be read as an epilogue or on its own, your choice. Triggers for depression and mentions of self-harm.

- - -

My alarm blared at 5:30 AM, but I didn’t want to get up. She must have hit the snooze button, because it finally stopped.

Again. 5:39.

And again, 5:48.

Andrea finally shut it off for good and climbed out of bed. My face was still buried in the pillow, but I felt the mattress dip and heard the shower turn on.

“Miranda?”

I groaned and turned onto my back, shielding my eyes from the light. “What?”

“It’s 6:25,” she said. “Is everything okay?”

“It’s fine,” I said with a sigh. “I’m fine, just tired. It’s Monday,” I repeated, hoping to excuse my behavior. “Wait,” I added, sitting up and dangling my feet over the edge of the mattress. “Start the coffee?”

“Sure,” she said.

I tied a robe tightly around my body and trudged upstairs, blinking my eyes and hoping to appear more awake than I actually felt. “Cassidy, sweetheart,” I said, knocking softly on the door. I walked inside and opened the blinds a bit, then paused for a minute next to the bed. “Good morning. It’s 6:30,” I said.

Cassidy flopped onto her back and looked over at the clock. “Liar! It’s 6:29!”

I shook my head and walked across the hall into Caroline’s room, where I was met with a nearly identical reaction.

The next thing I recall, I was heading down stairs in my slacks and a blouse.

“D’you wash your hair?” Andrea asked, handing me a steaming cup of coffee.

“I, uh—” I shook my head and took a long, slow sip of the liquid caffeine. “No, I didn’t have time,” I replied. The truth was, I couldn’t remember.

“Hey,” she said, putting her hand on my arm. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine,” I said, rolling my eyes and taking another sip of coffee. “You should know better than to ask me difficult questions before my coffee on Monday morning,” I replied with a wink. That seemed to relax her, and Caroline and Cassidy chose that moment to race down the stairs.

“What would you like today, omelets, steel-cut oatmeal, smoothies?” Andrea asked.

“No time,” Cassidy said, reaching into the cabinet for two granola bars and handing one to her sister. “We have to be there early today for an Honor Society meeting.”

“Oh, alright. I’ll just ride with you two then,” Andrea said. She turned and looked at me. “I have a meeting with Mike at 8:30.”

I nodded and waved them off, following my three girls into the foyer where Caroline and Cassidy packed their bags for school.

“Cassidy, I hope you plan on unrolling your skirt before you walk out that door,” I warned. She froze and looked up at Andrea. “Neither Andrea nor I wish to start this week with a call from the principal,” I added.

She rolled her eyes and reluctantly straightened out the hem of her skirt. “Just wait until I’m in college, and I can wear whatever I want,” she said.

I gave Caroline a kiss on the head and shooed her out the door with Andrea. “Sweetheart,” I said, cupping Cassidy’s cheek, “you know that I fully support having your own style and wearing whatever you wish. However, you are in a school that has restrictions, and I do not want you jeopardizing your college admissions because you’ve had too many disciplinary write-ups.”

“But Mom, that should be my problem,” she said.

“Sweetheart, I know you’re sixteen. But please trust me when I tell you that you’re so inexperienced,” I said.

“What is that even supposed to mean?”

Miranda sighed and leaned against the door. “Women are objectified. A pretty, young girl walking down the street is subjected to unwanted compliments, whistles, sometimes touches. It’s not right, but it happens.”

“So what if I want to be a model? Wouldn’t I get paid for people to objectify me?”

“Oh, Cass, let’s talk about this later, okay? Maybe you can come to the next shoot and hear from the models firsthand. It sounds like it would be harmless, but it’s one of the most uncomfortable situations a woman can be put in. If you’re alone walking down the street, it’s the most terrifying thing in the world,” I said.

“Geez, Mom. I’m just going to school. Cut the drama,” she said.

“I love you, Cassidy.”

“I love you too, Mom,” she said. “Gotta go, or I’ll be late!”

I stepped aside and let her run out the door to catch up to her sister. I didn’t mean to scare her, but the thought of my baby out alone in the world, innocent and oblivious was enough to make my heart race.

I went back to the kitchen for another cup of coffee, and I don’t know how long I stood there, looking out the back window.

Emily, at least, is used to it now. Gone are the fifteen-hour work days. Now, they’re lucky if I make it in by noon. I usually leave before her and just have Roy drive around for a few hours. Andrea knows nothing of this, and she will not find out. Emily takes care not to schedule any meetings before noon if she can avoid it. She probably thinks I’m too old for it, or that it takes me too much time to put on my makeup.

I finally put my empty coffee cup in the sink and make my way back upstairs to touch up my makeup and put on my jewelry. The bed looks much more inviting. I slip into a pair of Prada heels as I make my way down the stairs, thinking about how much I don’t want to go into the office today.

Will today be the day Irv finally fires me? Will Nigel hand in his resignation? Will Emily? What about the other assistants, the ones I’ve mistreated over the past two decades—will I be forced into another settlement with any of them soon? I can’t, of course, let any of that go to court because they’d all be right. I was a terrible boss. My office was chaotic, I verbally and quite possibly physically assaulted them, I fired them for their appearance, and my assistants catered to my every whim. Naturally it doesn’t help my case at all that I am now married to one of my former assistants. In the past two years alone, I’ve shelled out a small fortune to keep them quiet.

I have no desire to go into the office today, but I know that staying home will only make it worse. Make it easier for Irv and Nigel and all the other Emilys to work against me.

So, I drag myself out the door, hiding behind my oversized sunglasses, even though it is not sunny. It’s my defense mechanism, my therapist would say, like wearing armor. Just like applying highlighter to my cheekbones is an attempt to brighten my inner thoughts, the sunglasses shield me from a bit of the negativity.

Roy, bless his heart, does not ask questions beyond his customary “Where to?” I love him for that, but saying so would break our unwritten rule of silence. I am certain, though, that Andrea conveys my feelings on the matter.

When the car came to a stop in front of Elias Clarke, Roy quickly got out and stood next to the door. He knows I sometimes need a minute, so he patiently waits with his hand on the door handle, waiting for me to gently pull it from the inside. Once he springs into action, I step out and march to the elevators, head held high.

Inside, I’m wondering what it would feel like to collapse right then and there, to melt into a lifeless heap on the cold marble floor. Would anyone care? Would they pretend not to notice and step over me? How long would it be until someone came looking for me?

She cracked a smile, knowing that Andrea would come looking for her if she didn’t get a response to a call or message in ten minutes. The girl always assumed the worst—that I slit my wrists or downed a bottle of pills. It was a mistake to tell her that I’ve had those suicidal thoughts, because now she is plagued with them, too. I could never act on it, though. I couldn’t bear to hurt my daughters or my wife that much. She had to know that much—that she was one of the three things in this world keeping me alive.

Once I made it across the lobby and into an elevator, I waited until the doors closed, then sat on the bench. And yes, they all have benches now. They were Andrea’s idea after my fall last summer—err, I mean, when I was out with pneumonia for two weeks. Apparently all the “mommy blogs” keep track of which buildings have this accommodation for pregnant women, so after running the numbers to show that over 78% of the employees were of child-bearing age at Elias Clarke, the only issue management saw was the cost. After I made a sizable donation, they had no issue in expediting the upgrade.

I pushed myself up just in time for the doors to open, revealing an overly-caffeinated Emily, my Emily, standing at attention with a clipboard, rattling off the day’s schedule.

When we reached my office, I tossed my coat and bag on the other assistant’s desk and turned to Emily. “Which of these is the most important?” I asked.

She paused for a minute. “Your 3pm with Kate and Nigel.”

“Great. Do not disturb me until then. Find someone else to handle the rest or do it yourself,” I said, stepping inside and shutting the door behind me. I didn’t even bother sitting at my desk or opening my computer. Why pretend? Instead, I curled up in the corner of the couch, staring out the window. I used to be able to see the East river from here, but construction over the years has completely blocked my view. It doesn’t matter much, because on a gloomy day like today I wouldn’t be able to see much anyway.

I looked down at my phone in my hand. I wanted to call Andrea. Hearing her voice always made me feel better, but I knew it was only another coping mechanism. Plus, after my performance this morning, I was afraid that a call would cause her too much concern. The last thing I want is for her to worry about me, to worry that I have unrestricted access to sharp objects or prescription drugs.

I am already such a burden to her—it isn’t fair. I’ve said it from day one, that she deserves someone better and younger than me. But I know that she won’t even entertain the idea until I’m dead and buried.

It’s been nineteen days since we’ve had sex. It might not seem significant. Many couples go through phases like this. But the last time either of us has gone this long without it, she was still working at Runway.

She gives me too much latitude there. She thinks I’m fragile. Or that I don’t want to have sex because it’s immoral or something. I’ll admit that I was nervous at first. I had never been with a woman, but now, I am just too exhausted from thinking all day. It has never been about her, but I know she thinks it is. Even on my darkest days I want to please her.

If I bring it up, she will be too gentle with me; if I don’t, I will be forced to watch her silently swallow her feelings because she is afraid to share them with me and make this about her. But it is about her—always—and there’s nothing more painful than watching her struggle.

I can’t help it—I need her. I know I’m at work and it’s inconvenient, but I need it. I need to hear her reassurance and support. I hate that I need it so badly. I send her a message asking if she’s free for a minute, explaining that it’s “mildly urgent.” That’s our code for borderline anxiety-attack.

Within seconds my phone rings and I answer with a deep breath.

“Talk to me, sweetie,” she says.

It was like a weight lifted from my shoulders when her voice hit me. “I needed to hear your voice,” I said quietly.

“Where are you?” she asks. I explained that I was in my office by the window and she chuckled. “Everyone knows that’s your seat. What else?”

“Nineteen days,” I said.

“I know, and I’m sorry,” she replied. “Last week was rough, and my period lasted a little longer—”

“Stop. Stop,” I said, interrupting her. “I don’t want excuses.”

“Are you sure it’s been nineteen days?” she asked.

“Yes.” I closed my eyes and though about what my therapist would say, how she would urge me to spit out what I’m thinking. “I wish you wouldn’t treat me like I am going to break at any moment.”

“Really?”

“Yes. I am not fragile. I hate feeling like I am, and sometimes you treat me so—you dance around me and make me feel like a porcelain doll,” I said.

“Okay,” she said. “I am sorry about that. I hadn’t realized—I’m glad you said something.”

“I’m not—I’m not fragile. I won’t fall apart. I won’t break,” I repeated tearfully.

“Miranda, sweetie,” she said, “are you in your bathroom? Go into the bathroom. Sit on the floor, lean against the cool marble wall. Listen to my voice,” she said. “Listen to the sound of my voice, and focus on it. Keep your eyes open. Look at the door. Can you breathe with me?”

I couldn’t respond. I could hardly keep my eyes open. I was gasping for breath.

“Tell me your name,” she said, reverting to the familiar line of questioning.

“Mi-Miranda,” I stammered. “It’s Monday.”

“Good,” she said. “Keep breathing, in and out. Put me on speaker and put your hands flat on the ground.”

I followed her instructions. “Okay,” I whispered.

“Where are the girls right now?”

“School.”

“And where is that?”

“The Avenues,” I said. I could feel my heart racing again and I let out a whimper.

“Breathe, Miranda. Keep breathing,” she said.

I tried to focus on breathing, but the panic was overwhelming. I closed my eyes and curled up on the floor, crying and gasping for air.

The door to the bathroom opened and I barely registered her walking in. “I’m here, sweetie. You’re okay,” she said, curling up behind me and wrapping me in her arms. “You’re going to be okay.”

I turned to face her, clawing at her shoulders and hugging her as if my life depended on it. Maybe it did. She pressed a kiss to my forehead and my cheek, then fished a valium out of her pocket and slipped it onto my tongue. She pulled a water bottle out of her bag and held it to my lips, waiting for me to swallow. I did, and I laid my head on her shoulder, loosening my grip around her body.

After a few minutes, she got up and helped me to my feet, leading me to the couch where she had me sit up and recline back, stretching out my torso so I could take a deep breath.

“I love you,” she said, sitting next to me and smoothing out my hair with her fingers. “You are literally the strongest woman I know, and I am sorry for making you think otherwise.” She leaned forward and kissed my lips, eliciting a smile out of the corner of my mouth as I drifted off to sleep.

When I woke, I was staring at the ceiling. Blinking a few times and pushing myself up, I saw Andrea sitting at my desk, working on her computer. “What happened?” I asked.

She quickly came over to the couch and helped me up, wrapping her arms around my waist. “Hi there. Feeling better? You had a rough morning,” she said.

I took a deep breath and swallowed as I recalled the earlier events. “I’m sorry,” I said.

“Don’t apologize,” she said, kissing my temple. “You have a meeting with Kate and Nigel in about twenty minutes. Can I head back to my office?”

“Yes, yes,” I said, pushing away from her and heading over to the desk. “I’m sorry to have pulled you away.”

“It was no trouble. I kind of miss it here,” she said with a smile.

At that, I laughed. “Oh do be serious,” I said. “Now, go—I need to prep for this meeting and you have your own work to do.”

“See you at home?”

“Yes,” I said. “And Andrea?”

She stopped in the doorway and turned around.

“I love you, darling.”

She winked and walked out. Minutes later, Emily brought me a cup of peppermint tea and a folder with the meeting agenda and other relevant notes. I took a deep breath and dove into my work.

Later that evening, at home and long after the girls went to bed, I found Andrea in the kitchen, doing dishes. “Darling,” I said, brushing her arm gently, “I am going upstairs.”

“Okay, I’ll be up in a few,” she said.

I softly squeezed her arm. “I’ll be waiting,” I said before walking away.

She came upstairs a few minutes later. I had already changed into my silk nightgown and taken off my makeup, and I was reading through the news on my phone when she entered. She took her pajamas and went into the bathroom, closing the door behind. I set my phone aside and took my glasses off, setting both on the nightstand and closing my eyes.

I heard the bathroom door open and the light shut off, then I heard the lock on the door to our bedroom. I inhaled sharply, and before I could think about anything, she was on me, kissing my neck and chest, slipping her hands under my nightgown and smoothing them across my torso.

I kept my eyes closed and turned my head to the side while she licked and sucked the skin against my neck.

“Hey,” she said, sitting back.

“Mmh?”

“Will you at least look at me?” she said.

I opened my eyes and looked up at her, the one I loved the most in this world. “I’m sorry.”

She shook her head and repositioned her hips, pressing the large bulge in her groin against mine. “At least act like you want this,” she said.

My eyes widened and I gasped as my hips lifted to meet hers, moving of their own volition.

“There we go,” she said, smiling and leaning down to kiss me on the lips, a little rougher than I liked. “Do you want this?” she asked.

I nodded desperately and lifted my arms above my head. “Yes, take me,” I choked out.

She looked up at my arms, softly tracing her fingertips against the sensitive skin at the inside of my elbow. “You want the scarves?”

“Please,” I said, nodding.

She quickly got up and ran to the bathroom, returning with two Hermes scarves. She carefully looped the scarf on itself and slipped it around my wrist before securing it to the bed. She repeated it with the second one, and gently pressed a kiss to each of my wrists. “Is that okay?” she asked.

I tugged a little bit and nodded. It was tight, but I could still move.

“So,” she began, moving away from me and tugging her silk boxers off. “You want this?”

I nodded. “Please,” I begged.

She slipped her fingers inside the elastic of my panties and nudged them down until I could kick them off. I spread my legs for her and felt her fingertips dragging along my slit.

“Ohhh god,” I cried. The touch caused my skin to prickle.

“Perfect,” she said as she smeared the wetness over the tip of the appendage. Without any other preliminaries, she thrust inside of me. The feeling took my breath away. In that moment, I couldn’t speak, couldn’t think of anything other than the glorious, almost painful stretching of my inner muscles.

She stayed there for a while, taking the time to slip my nightgown up and over my head, trailing kisses along my abdomen and between my breasts.

I opened my eyes when she stopped, only to see her assault my neck with her tongue and teeth in a way that was sure to leave evidence for weeks. I tried to wrap my arms around her, but ended up tugging on the scarves against the headboard, causing a desperate and guttural moan to escape my lips.

“Shhhh,” she whispered, kissing my cheek and the corner of my lips before reaching my mouth. I craned my neck up in an attempt to deepen the kiss, but she pulled back, teasing me and causing another groan to escape my lips. “Shh,” she whispered again, this time whispering it directly into my mouth.

As I sucked on her tongue, I moved my hips from side to side and she took the hint, slowly pulling out and returning even slower. “How’s this?” she asked, a smirk on her lips.

I knew that she knew I needed it faster, but of course she would make me beg for it. “Andrea, darling,” I said, swallowing an licking my lips, “by all means, move at a glacial pace.” She gently lifted my hips, changing the angle and slipping deeper inside. “Y-you know how that th-thrills me,” I choked out.

She slowly built up her pace, in and out, in and out, sometimes cupping my breast or pinching my nipple. I was nearly over the edge. At this point, my eyes were once again closed and all I could hear was our muffled breaths and the slapping of wet flesh each time she drove into me.

“More,” I gasped, unsuccessfully trying to lift my legs as my wrists tugged against their restraints. “Fuck, Andrea—my legs.”

I was grateful that my lover of over six years immediately knew what I needed. While she was inside, she gently bent my legs and lifted them up, swinging her arms beneath the backs of my thighs until my legs were over her shoulders. She slowly moved up my body, placing her hands on my shoulders as she bent down for a soul-searing kiss.

I could feel her deeper now—deeper than I ever remember with her or anyone else. She thrust a few times in this position,which caused me to cry out as my arms thrashed against the pillow.

Andrea clapped her hand over my mouth as I felt my screams reverberate throughout my entire body.

This carried on for what felt like hours. I turned onto my hands and knees, my arms still tied to the bed, and she took me from behind, then she crawled under me and I rode her until she finally slipped the harness off and collapsed on the bed next to me. She reached up and released my right wrist, and I was able to reach over and loosen the tie on my other one.

My muscles felt like jelly. I was dripping with sweat, but there was something I needed to do before falling asleep. I turned over and draped my arm around her waist, my fingers slipping down until I was halfway inside her core.

“Miranda, you don’t have to—uunggghh!” she groaned as I swiftly pressed my thumb against her bud while my fingertips massaged her swollen folds.

“I love you, darling. Always,” I whispered. I relaxed my hand, cupping her softly, and pressed a kiss to her shoulder before drifting off to sleep.

The next morning, when my alarm went off, I promptly shut it off and looked over at the incredible woman next to me. She was my reason. She is why I am still sane, why I can get out of bed at 5:30 in the morning and put on my armor for the magazine. She is my purpose, what makes me fight each day.

I slipped out of bed and showered, quickly styling my hair and doing my makeup before sneaking downstairs to make coffee. I poured a cup for myself, then another for Andrea and carried them both upstairs. I set hers on the dresser to cool while I went upstairs and woke the girls. When I returned, Andrea was stirring, so I sat on the edge of the bed and softly stroked her hair.

“Good morning,” I said, bending down to kiss her. “I brought you coffee.”

Her beautiful brown eyes opened and a smile formed on her lips. “Hi, thank you,” she said, sitting up and taking a sip.

“I’m going in early today—I have a lot to do. The girls are up already,” I explained.

“Okay, I’ll ride with them to school. You okay?” she asked.

I smiled and set my coffee down, then reached for hers and set it back on the nightstand. Taking her hands, I pushed her back against the pillows. “I am more than okay, darling. We’ll talk more tonight.”

She nodded and kissed me gently. It was tempting, staying there in that bed all day, but I got up, grabbed my coffee, and walked to the doorway. “Andrea,” I said quietly, turning to look over my shoulder. “I love you.”

She finished her sip of coffee and tilted her head, smiling. “I know,” she said.

I walked down the stairs, chuckling to myself. It was incredible, the difference twelve hours could make. And all because of her.

#mirandy #fanfic #oneshot #shorts #depression #prompt

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