#“ew all these men are so creepy the movie sucks”

[automaticstarlightcomputer]

Kind of annoyed at all the people hating on poor things just because they don't have the ability to be uncomfortable. Like just because a movie made you uncomfortable doesn't mean it was bad. Consider that a movie doesn't have to agree with things to depict them.

[wendys-ash]

daddy you forgot my FUCKING TUCKBOX 🤣

that dude in the pink shirt walking past Oliver

this part makes me remember my first day at uni WHICH WAS THE SAME YEAR 2006

oh look at Farleigh being unnecessarily rude as usual

FOOKIN ASK ME A SOOM, THEN! he’s so creepy

Oliver looks so beautiful in his tie and shirt and he’s got glasses on at the beginning where do they go later in the movie? Felix get him contacts?

Merseyside… that’s where the Beatles are from (by the way hello I like the Beatles) 🥰

Farleigh has a Lucozade.

The way the professor says “Frederica CAHtthn”

Oliver’s essay is so poetic! “To look as if it were alive,” I want him to write an essay about Sylvia Plath

Oh look at Farleigh being rude again. he’s wrong here. and Oliver’s essay style is POETIC.

“fucking loooooosers” MICHAEL EATS THE FUCKING CRUNCHIE THE WRONG WAY EW EW EW -

The cheeky Christmas song is surprisingly catchy!

Felix be like “siiiiiiighhhhhh” “siiiiiiighhhhh” big brown eyes

But look he’s so sweet “CHEERS OLLIE!” 😁

CanyougetmeanotherpintpleezOlivuh

Oh look at Farleigh forcing Oliver to buy the most expensive drink ever, even in 2007 it was like £6-7 for a Jägerbomb IIRC

THANK-YOU OLLEH whoa!

Oliver waking up and remembering and being all happy is so lovely

Omg this music is so beautiful, favourite part of the score I think

“I’ve not sucked any teachers off.” “Not yet, you ‘aven’t…” 😋 GET THAT SHIT OUT OF HERE FELIX JESUS

Ollie still has his glasses on when do they disappear

“Was it was it was it was it awful?” How many times did he say was it?

no one ever said chirpsing at my uni 😂 I did not go to Oxford

I think Oliver is wearing Felix’s hoodie because Jack Wills was quite sought after back then…

What if Felix looked outside and saw the cherry of Oliver’s ciggie in the dark, that’s fanfic fuel!

“UUUhm…”

IT’S DISGUSTIN FELIX

Ollie’s face after Felix yells at him

Fuucking wood fucking panelling

I don’t like this bit. 😠

Oh look at Farleigh, he’s actually got a nice cardigan on here!

The use of colour in this film drives me nuts, the blue and red light on Ollie’s face when he leaves the pub

From experience, drinking vodka like that at 18/19 most certainly leads to vomit in high places. Awful stuff.

More red. I want to go through the movie and go red red red red 😂 Felix has a red shirt on.

Fucking - I’ve historically been disgusted by men’s body hair but Ollie’s is… acceptable and by that I mean hot.

“Always check the sleeeeeeeeves!” He actually isn’t directly nasty here but still condescending

When they’re running to the bridge it’s one of the most beautiful shots in the movie. And when they’re standing by the bridge. it makes Barry’s eyes pop.

The way Ollie says “it’s not stupid. thank you.” no idea why that’s significant but I just love the way he says it.

“And I believed him.” You can never leave Saltburn, Ollie. Even if you leave that house, you will never leave that house. 🖤

Duncan. Is. So. Scary. What if he’s a ghost who comes with the house like in American Horror Story? Omg

Felix’s tour makes me so happy “Henry VIII’s sPUnk”

I wish we got a better look at Felix’s room. But the bathroom is where the magic happens.

“A sort of… hellish SQUOT.”

Venetia’s EYES and her TEETH and I want to know what she’s reading (or pretending to read)

They all throw innuendos at Oliver until James stops them also “oh my god she’ll die.” SHE FKN DOES DIE and Elspeth’s way of saying “drAping”.

Oh look at Farleigh being rude some more

“It’s rooooood!”

I forgot to check when Ollie’s glasses disappeared

The face Ollie makes after Felix says “Duncan will be thrilled.”

Of course he doesn’t have fucking CUFFLINKS FELIX

Love Pamela’s high collar feather thing here and also I love her hair

Venetia is perfect Venetia is perfect Venetia is perfect WHY DIDN’T OLLIE PUT SOME CLOTHES ON was he trying to show off his physique to Venetia?

“Sweet.” aw I love her

“Niiiiiight…” 😍😍😍😍

James says “morning,” so sweetly!

Oh look at Farleigh being rude again how the fuck was Oliver supposed to know how breakfast is served in Rich Land?

Venetia’s shirt is something I would wear.

“Look, Pamela.” “Oh nooo…”

Those eggs are really undercooked, I wouldn’t eat them either. They’re not over easy at all. They’re extremely sunny side up.

Sorry but Venetia’s legs and flowers in her hair she looks like Ophelia

EVERYONE was reading the last Harry Potter that summer and we all asked questions like that and made dirty jokes! so much nostalgia!

Venetia leaning through the harp and being scared of The Ring… 😍😭😍🥰

All dressed in their finery playing tennis! They all fuck. And sleep in a hamster pile.

“Yes! Do you know him?” 😁 James is so excited and happy about things, I love him!

THE LABYRINTH OF SALTBURN first Theseus ref I caught

Oh here we go

No one can convince me that Felix didn’t do this hoping Ollie would walk in and catch him so he could be like “why don’t you join me,” and that’s fanfic fuel

How many times does Felix bare his neck in the film

Also this has been said by someone else much more eloquently but people who squick at the 🛁 have obviously never felt desire that hurts and EATS you and makes you want to rip their face off and throw up on their shoes and that’s why Saltburn is so compelling to me

(I had to pause here while I got deep)

Elspeth’s drink matches her dress. This scene is so beautiful and the colours are bloody gorgeous and again making Barry’s eyes pop!

“Sexually incontinent” 😬

Those flowers next to Ollie 💖 match the cushions oh god 💖

“Men are so lovely and dry,” says Elspeth. THEY’RE NOT. Not in this movie anyway.

Bye bye Pamela, I wonder if she had to go through the servant’s entrance.

I could just look at Elspeth forever in this scene…

The vampire scene is unspeakably erotic, I don’t make the rules

The light reflected in Venetia’s eyes 🤩

They definitely went all the way after this and Farleigh watched - whoops, another fanfic idea.

The sex music is so sinister!

AGAIN Venetia looks like a goddess.

Oh look at Farleigh GLOWERING at Oliver. so rude.

Felix flings his napkin like a child! 😂

Farleigh is wearing all beige.

“I can wear my suit of armour, Elspeth!” James being a ray of sunshine again

Felix sat over there pretending to be Lolita srsly

Ollie implies Venetia is out of his league but Felix clearly thinks she’s not and also Felix is so jealous here it’s coming out of his hair

Felix’s sideburns ugh 💖

Venetia must be cold on that step 😕

Farleigh is still wearing beige but I like his jumper. Felix’s orange jumper is not his colour.

“But…”

That shot of Oliver

More gushing about how fucking flawless Venetia is but that’s probably getting old now if anyone’s actually reading this good god my ego

I’ve seen Henry before but I can’t remember where. Something funny.

“She had two arseholes!” excuse me what the FUCK

Low was EVERYWHERE THEN. Perfect choice.

Farleigh fancies the fuck out of Oliver. Look at him manipulating the shit out of the spoiled beige-wearing twink!

“I don’t hate you,” no you fancy him

Henry’s sad face when Farleigh snatches the mic.

James is so excited about karaoke.

There was absolutely no reason for Ollie to sing “I need it,” that way.

And. And. “I love you. You pay my rent.” I can’t explain why that does this to me.

Feeelix and Veneeetia waving their arms together is just so very lovely.

What’s Farleigh wearing on his head in bed? Genuine question.

Also no one can convince me Ollie didn’t ride him here I mean who said that (fanfic idea) him and his fucking mad top energy

I expected someone to throw themselves down the spiral staircase if I’m honest. Or Ollie to throw someone down it.

Venetia among the lily pads 🪷🪷🪷🪷

It was pretty hot in 2007 but I don’t think it was hotter than Barbados…

Brit pop is not a band…

I saw Pulp and Sophie Ellis-Bextor last year at Latitude. 💖💖

“PamelaDIED?!”

The wallpaper in the sacred bathroom is just gorgeous. I want it.

Ollie bowtie 😍

Oh wow that little Felix x Oliver montage made me want Atonement AU with Farleigh watching them fuck in the library

I don’t like this bit either. Not good with secondhand shame and embarrassment.

“Always beetling off by himself,” I could write an essay about the insect symbolism in Saltburn

Is Ollie’s dad the same dad from It’s A Sin?

The talking and ringing is so much like sensory overload in real life!

Red and blue again! Same shirt! And Ollie is in blue and framed in blue.

The black splatty painting next to them… 🤩

This song is such a BANGER! I was not a club girl so I didn’t know it before this.

What did the orchid do to offend Elspeth?

Ollie’s jacket is like something Neil Perry would wear in a dream… 🌿

The light flashes off Farleigh’s ring just before Oliver says hello!

Why would Oliver have fat kids? So rude!! Again!

That’s why Farleigh’s hair is so big, it’s full of secrets!

Barry’s FACE. Just his facial structure. The close-ups of his face are just… chefskiss

Duncan doesn’t feel like dancing dancing miniminiminiminiminiminoo 🎶

Most beautiful shots in the movie of Oliver lurking in the shadows 💙 skulking

“You two are fucking gross!” India knows what’s up

OH FOR HEAVENS SAKE JUST KISS YOU MORONS

there’s a lot of fingers in mouths here that I’ve not linked together before…

Felix still cares about Oliver enough to ask him if he feels better 🥺

The carnage after that party, good god.

That magenta colour is everywhere here. The robe, the flowers, the streamers and balloons and debris on the lawn. it’s perfect.

I love the Minotaur statue so much.

Music here reminds me of the soundtrack of Perfume, which came out in 2006.

The sideways shot with the looming Minotaur is pure art.

“Felix, darling, where’s your jumper?” 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Horrible pie 🤮

Horrible everything

I had a cardigan like Venetia’s back then

I feel physical pain during this scene. my beautiful posh trashy eccentric darling family is breaking apart. 💔

Venetia pouring the wine is so disturbing to me.

James is no longer a ray of sunshine 😭😭😭

Oliver really unleashes the fury on Farleigh. See, being rude gets you nowhere. Hannibal would eat you, Farleigh.

Oh GOD, this HYMN. It’s so beautiful.

James carrying the coffin 😭 and Venetia’s chipped black nail varnish. Poetry about Venetia’s chipped black nail varnish.

Ollie doesn’t get to come to the stone ritual

*siiiiigh* how can something so bizarre be the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen?

I have to make a joke because I’m uncomfortable, sliiiiightly worried about Ollie getting dirt in places it shouldn’t be and having to make up lies to a doctor about how he got mud in his urethra 😬

Sad room 💔

Venetia be like wtf at Ollie asking about the font

See this is my favourite bit (the whole movie is my favourite bit)

I have fanfic planned about this scene. It will be sad and hot and fucked up.

Venetia’s flushed cheeks 💖😭

Ollie barely reacts when she splashed him in the face. How did he not flinch? He has so much control at this point and he knows it.

More fingers in mouth.

Why is this kiss so hot? And the one tear on Ollie’s cheek… 😭

Ohhh I do not like seeing dead Venetia.

James has no sparkle left 😭 he has a signet ring too though

“BECAUSE WE ALL HAVE TO MOVE ON”

That gardener doing a stupid wave at Ollie 🤔

Ollie doing his Tom Ripley as Dickie Greenleaf bit, he’s even got the hair.

Duncan is still there BECAUSE HE IS A GHOST!

Do we think Ollie slowly poisoned Elspeth? Do we think he slept with her? I think so.

On Ollie’s nonsense screen in the coffee shop the only thing coherent is “milk and cookies”!

“I hated all of you,”

When he pulls the tube out it mirrors the statue I think?? One of the statues.

here we go with the magnificent penis

The euphoria I feel at this ending I swear to god

Holy shit this got long

I asked my SO what it feels like to fling your penis about and he didn’t give me a serious answer

Barry’s arse is ridiculous. 🤬

It’s ridiculous.

I’m gonna make some rocks with the Catton’s names on.

And that is that.

[hannahwatcheshorror]

CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON (1954)

This is a classic creature feature and a joy to watch. There were only a few questionable moments that gave me a laugh of which I'm sure they didn't intend, but overall the film was gripping and, truth be told, scary! If you are someone who wrestles with thalassophobia, be warned, just because this film is from 1970 doesn't mean there aren’t amazing underwater footage and stunts!

⭐⭐⭐.5

The film starts with almost no full shots of The Creature, just his arm and creepy claws. It is this amazing lead up to meeting him that really keeps you on your (webbed) toes. The musical score accompanying our Mr. Man (Mr. Gilman) is brassy and sharp. (I had to laugh at the ruined sting when Kay is called away before his trademarked outstretched Creach Claw™ could snag her.)

The underwater shots of The Creature swimming parallel Kay (without her knowing, of course) are chilling and might I say gross. I might have uttered an, "ew" at the idea of a sentient being only a few feet below in the murkiness mirroring my movements and watching me. All adoration for Creach goes out the porthole at that point. He dared not touch Kay though, he even ducked down to hide in the flora when she dived deeper into the lagoon. Not even a brush of his claws as she pulled herself out of the water. I had chills.

Then there were a lot of young men in short shorts getting murdered by the green goobly before he got drugged and captured. (I laughed as Captain Lucas held a knife to a grown man in hot shorts.) The shots, almost stills, of Creach in his makeshift bamboo cage (that there was no way he could have busted out of) looking up from below, something about the way his face was being refracted in the water was just so goofy and I was just about losing my mind when the guard and Kay turn away from him to have a quick chat. While he just floats there, wall eyed… I got the feeling he was supposed to look menacing but he just looked silly until he finally broke out.

There was a very long scene involving trees and a rope and a wench and at one point the final survivors just kind of forgot that The Creature was still around and didn't notice him splashing up behind them to grab Kay. Classic final survivors forgetting about the titular movie monster because they are so busy trying to wrap up the film in the last five minutes!

When the fellas get Kay back with her… Boyfriend? Husband? Fiance? Her man, he says for everyone to stop shooting, so... It ends with human kindness! But Creach is floating towards the bottom of the legume and the film ends like he dies which sucks cause he was just a little guy (who brutally murdered 5 men).

[obsessivelollipoplalala]

I see you’re a woman of culture 😌 I LOVE The Book of Mormon, POTO, Something Rotten; they’re definitely in my top 5. I’m also a Sondheim fan. I love LesMis, Chicago (the movie), Cabaret, Hairspray, Legally Blonde, Hedwig and the Angry Inch and dare I say it, Cats (NOT the movie, and before you ask, no I’m not a furry lmao). Falsettos, Dogfight and Rent make me cry like a baby. Avenue Q is good but I think it’s a bit dated.

Anyways on the topic of RPF or fanfiction in general, what’s like the worst fic you’ve encountered? That one I talked about definitely scarred me the most, but I also saw fics where the entire premise is a female Y/N “turning Freddie straight” and having heterosexual sex with him which is just ew. And tbh I personally don’t have anything against old man thirst/PD!Queen fics (not including fics that normalize ped0philia etc), it’s just… some things are harder to stomach than others lol. As long as they keep it in their corner of the Internet and do not present it to the people they write about, live and let live.

Actually now that I think about the old man thirst, it’s a bit concerning to see literal children in their preteen and early teen years openly thirsting for old men, like men in their 60-80s. This goes beyond the Queen fandom, and applies to the wider classic rock fandom. The things I’ve read… They’re not just cute innocent crushes, they’re literally talking about present day rock stars in a very explicit, sexual way. A LOT of kids are getting into classic rock now; I sent you that ask about Tiktok and I’m not exaggerating when I say I see a lot of 11-14 classic rock fans (who like bands like Motley Crue, The Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin, Aerosmith, The Who…) And this opens up to all kinds of problems; I’ve seen a lot of them talk about how creepy old men would disguise themselves as their faves online and talk to them, ask for their number/address, etc.

-----------

Oh yeah, Avenue Q is a product of its time. It was 2003 and it even has the line that George Bush is "only for now" in the last song lol. A lot has changed in our culture over the past 18 years. Sondheim is my favorite composer, hands-down. He's a genius and his music is so damn smart a lot of times. I haven't seen all of the other ones you've mentioned, but I'll be controversial and say that not only am I not a fan of Cats or POTO (with the latter, it has good songs but I think they're better out of context because the characters suck), but god, I really dislike RENT lol. I know a lot of people love it and that's fine. I'm glad you can get more enjoyment out of it than I can. I cried my eyes out when I watched it in 8th grade, but then I watched it when I got older and really did not enjoy it anymore.

Ooo boy, you're asking the real controversial questions lol. I'm definitely uncomfortable with the type of stories you mentioned. RPF is a complicated topic and I have mixed thoughts on it, but the short version is that I do think there are lines that shouldn't be crossed with it. I...really hate to name any specific fic....But. There's this person who has posted a ton of stories and they've gained quite a reputation. The stories tend to have these common themes: young Freddie being physically ill in some way (so some lowkey illness exploitation, for lack of a better term), the other members of the band being medical professionals who are either related to Freddie or his partners, some underage shit, random George Michael cameos, a dentistry fetish, and a tickling fetish. There are other things thrown in their work, but those are the things that pop up the most frequently.

I'm sorry, but it's the strangest collection of stories I've ever come across. I read just the descriptions of these stories to friends who've been reading fic for a long time, and they agree they've never seen such a weird collection. I think it would be weird if it were regular old fanfiction, but the fact that it's RPF is...Idk. I might get my head bitten off but I'm very uncomfortable with these stories which revolve around making Freddie medically suffer in some way when he really died of a terminal illness. This is where the stories go from strange to offensive for me. It's not like these stories deal with his real AIDS diagnosis, either, but stuff he didn't actually have irl. I saw one description where he'd need a lung transplant (?!) and closed the fuck out of AO3. Just, why? Where is the enjoyment out of imagining such a thing? Why not just write this story with a fictional character if it's going to have nothing to do with Queen? It honestly unnerves me. Oh, and the formatting of the stories themselves is absolutely unreadable. I clicked on one out of sheer curiosity but the lack of spaces and paragraph breaks hurt my eyes.

I do think the old man thirst is concerning when the people doing it are very young. Sorry but....kids aren't supposed to find senior citizens attractive lmfao. It definitely seems to be a thing in the wider classic rock fandom. I was going to say they'll just outgrow it, but if these kids on Tiktok are really talking about older men talking to them while posing as their idols, that's really concerning. Reason #7234 TikTok was a fucking mistake and I'm so glad I'm not on there.

[greensmycolor]

Movie Night- Wish You: Your Melody From My Heart (Did Not Finish)

I ended up really liking this movie for what is was. Wish You is a silly little gay romantic Korean drama of a movie that is pretty stinkin cheesy, but I do love myself some cheese.

Yoon Sang Yi is walking down the street and he sees a, what I assumed to be, street musician (In Soo) and falls for his beautiful eyes instantly. Turns out, Sang Yi also plays music, playing a keyboard for some record company and in a set up of silly romcom drama, end up working together and blah blah blah romance movie stuff.

Overall, I'm not a fan of the romance drama when it involves one person being a pushover and mushy, and I didn't like how Sang Yi was so horribly inept at saying the right thing at any point, but it was nice to see this goofy shit play out with two men. Is it a perfect example of how a gay relationship should look? No. But no romance movie is a good image of how any relationship should look. It's that it was played so naturally, as if their sexes didn't matter, is what I loved. Getting some more LGBT+ rep that is neutral is what makes me happy. Like we don't need to constantly prove our existence and all. Now look who's getting mushy.

I didn't finish the movie though because of one scene. And let me say, this isn't me saying the movie sucks. I just knew that from this scene I couldn't handle the rom com shit anymore. It was when the three lads had drinks (our lovey duo and the third wheel best friend), and love interest In Soo was passed out drunk. Then Sang Yi has the absolute gall to lean into this unconscious man for a kiss. Like, one, rapey so no, and (to a lesser degree) two! Who wants to kiss limp fish lips?! EW! He didn't kiss him but I was still cheesed they pulled that stunt.

I'm sure the rest of the movie is cute as hell. And if anything, I'm positive the lighting and color choices held up. Every scene in this movie was a soft pastel look of warm and cool tones. It was oh so very aesthetic and my heart yearned for more! Too bad about the creepiness that honestly plagues too much of our media, but I digress.

Wish You was cute, and I'm sure that if someone likes romance movies and is open to watching a movie outside of their little white American Hallmark circle (and isn't homophobic), they'll love this movie.

Pretty sure I'll finish it myself in a few days because it really was cute and I do want to see them kiss. Consensually.

[avidmoviecritic]

Worst Wednesday

Is Beautiful Creatures(2013) really that bad of a movie?

Movie review in thoughts...

Are these sounthern accents real? They don't seem real. Super fake already and it is the intro to the film. Yay. Not.

He already loves her after dreaming about her. . .uh okay. . .

Already this movie is so dark, I can't see a damn thing. It might be hiding it's bad, I dont know yet. I am trying to understand why they made some scenes so dark. They could have lightened it a little bit for the audience.

Wait is he related to this woman or what. I am confused already and it is only 4 minutes within the film. Where are his parents? Did they die? I have all the questions. We find out later he lives with his father and his mother died. Where is his father? He is nonexistent the entire film. It kinda irks me.

Another crazy christian lady. Here we go again with the negative stereotypes of those who are religious. And of course she is the main antagonist of the movie. Being stereotype sucks for all groups and honestly I think it is stupid to assume both religious and southerns act this way in the movie.

Wait...the teacher has an eye patch. That is random, but okay. We never find out what happened to his eye. He had this patch before the windows were broken so that can not be it. It is still a mystery.

Haha this guy is actually funny. I laughed like once so that is cool, I guess. I laughed at the main guy character some of the time in this movie. He has a good personality within the movie. I just wished he had more time to express that humor on screen.

I thought this was supposed to be a romance, not a horror film. Okay Beetlejuice decor vibes in the creepy house works, I guess. So the house looks pretty desolute outside but modern inside. I wonder if it is to keep people out. Well definitely not this guy cause he walked in without asking. Seemed way too easy if I was honest.

Okay, okay the old guy has a fascination with Google. I wonder how much google paid to be put in this movie. Huh

Wait, what. What powers does this old man have. Showing people their future, sounds good. I am doubtful they will go in more detail about this power though. And...I am right...wow I can see the future. They do not explain anything about his powers, it is just seen briefly in one film scene.

Wait he jumped from one place to another in a blink of an eye. Okay makes no sense but okay. Found out later that he past out and was took to his bed. It just didn't make sense that he went from one place to another so quickly.

Okay, now I am even more confused. What is happening? Is this guy on drugs? No some evil try to take him um okay. That was weird.

Also me:

When she says her family is different I am like "no shit shirlock" I think we figured that a long time ago.

We are not witches but we are casters. Okay let's give it another name but it is the same thing.

I could see the hormones from there first kiss. Seriously though. It was kinda gross. Ew.

"Can you make anything grow?" I hope this is not a challenge if he has a small penis 😂 Sorry could not help that.

So women cannot choose if they are good or bad but. . .men can? What the hell is this. This makes no sense. What does makes sense is saying witches are both bad and good just like humans. Makes more sense to me.

Another google reference from the old man. I wish I was kidding. His fascination with google worries me. It is as bad as when Edward says google it in twilight. 🙄

So this Saphrine or whatever her name is took over a body and now is controling it. Where is her body at? Why does she need to use other bodies? Confusing. I like that they don't even really explain it.

The table going in circles is ridiculous. And we get a cat fight with powers, wow.

So let's not talk about the woman having sex with an underage boy. I mean he may be in his 20s in real life but in the movie he is a teenager.

She makes him forget her cause she doesnt want to have to kill him to break the curse. Smells like true love to me.

What's up with the grandma's purple hair. It is cool though but I feel like they are trying a little too hard to be different.

Okay what's up with the witches looking super weird. A guy looked blue with clouds painted on him. Um...okay.

So wait...she didn't claim the light or dark? Now I have no idea what the whole point of the show was now. Oh okay she is both dark and light thanks for telling us through her eyes.

He remembers her after he sees the burnt sign not when he actually sees her. Doesn't not make sense but okay.

Then that is the end

So in all seriousness the movie is not all bad. Actually I remember it being more cringey the first time I watched it. I ship the couple but I do think they rushed into a relationship. He barely finds out she is a caster and starts dating her right off. I know a movie has not that much time to build the relationship. Because it is based on a book series, it may have benefited from being a TV show just cause there would have been more time to connect to the characters. He is technically already in love with her before he meets her which is odd. He just sees a dark figure in his dreams. It is not like he talks to her and sees her in the light. I think it was stupid to wipe his memory clean but I guess it helped him not die. He remembers her when he looks at the burnt sign, it is not seeing her that does it which makes no sense to me. Some scenes are so stupid including the dinner scene where the two girls fight and the table spins, ugh. Also, what the hell is an older woman doing having sex with a teenager. Ew. That is definitely crazy and wrong. After all that. I guess it is an okay show. It is not as bad as Twilight as people have commented on IMDB but it also is not the best movie ever.

[be-more-chill-evan-hansen]

BLACK FRIDAY SPOILERS

The following post contains spoilers for the new musical, Black Friday, by Team Starkid. Continue reading at your own risk. 

MY FAVORITE PARTS FROM THE BLACK FRIDAY DIGITAL TICKET + OTHER COMMENTARY (IN ORDER OF HOW THEY APPEAR) WHILE WATCHING IT FOR THE 4TH OR 5TH TIME [contains very harsh and explicit language]

**These points will be brought up in another post (involving the Hatchetfield Universe theories)

The ENTIRETY of the Wiggly jingle at the beginning

Jaime saying “his belly’s so squishy!” while jumping up and down

The tights

“Uncle Wiley, where does Wiggly come from?”

James Tolbert (Team Starkid choreographer-turned-actor) STOLE the show

Curt Mega’s dancing in that song killed me

“DO THE WIGGLE!”

ROBERT AND JAMES DANCING WAS EVERYTHING

**Paul still doesn’t like musicals? (I have a theory of where this show takes place in the Hatchetfield Universe but that’s for another post)

The way Paul looks at Emma when she’s on her Cabbage Patch Kid rant!

“I’m Paul. I’m Emma’s...boyfriend.”//“Well, we haven’t put a label on it yet.”//“But we are intimate.” (Bonus: Emma’s glare)

Paul is still awkward I love him.

“I do not get flashbacks. I remember bad things vividly.”

“Thank you for your service.”//“I didn’t do it for you.”

“Ski-ball sucks.” (I wholeheartedly disagree but whatever)

Grace Chastity is Tom’s babysitter for Tim confirmed

Okay. Okay. Okay. OKAY. 

TOM JUST WANTS TO MAKE IT UP TO HIS SON BECAUSE HE FEELS GUILTY ABOUT THE CRASH I’M SOFT

DYLAN SAUNDERS STILL STEALING HEARTS

WHY DO YOU GIVE DYLAN ALL OF THE HEART-WRENCHING SONGS????? I DON’T NEED TO CRY AT 4AM

THE LIGHTING 

 “Excuse me, miss. Do you think it’s okay for me to park here?”//“Yeah, it says ‘no parking at any time’ but I’m sure the loading trucks can just park across the street. Does that work for you?”

“If I won’t support my drinking habit, who will?”

“Hark, the herald angels sing. Glory to a newborn king. A fuckin’ furry little monster’s gonna make me a pile of cash.”

“Tell me, Lex. Do you know why they call it Black Friday?”//“Because it comes after Thursday?”

“Well, friend-o. I have a feeling that these little babies are going to take you so far into the black that you ain’t never comin’ back.” *long uncomfortable pause*

“Oh, you’re gonna make a killin’. That’s an Uncle Wiley’s Toys guarantee!”

FRANK HUGGING THE BOX OF WIGGLYS

“Hark, the herald angels sing. Glory to a newborn king. Peace on Earth, and lots of money. MONEYMONEYMONEYMONEY just for ME.”

JON’S VOICE AS WIGGLY I CAN’T

“mALL security we got a shoplifter. Drop that doll!” (His voice crack killed me oh my God)

HIS OUTFIT (The first time I saw him I went “Oh my God he’s emo”)

“Where’s my sister?”// “Oh no.” *stares dramatically* “Hannah?” *even more dramatic* “Is that what you’ve been telling me every day for the past four weeks? To pick up your kid sister?” *grabbing Lex* “Oh, I must’ve forgot because I’m so stupid.” Ethan needs to take up drama

“Do I gotta put a leash on you like a dog, or my cousin Oliver?” 

“Don’t pull her.”//*voice crack* “I’m nOt.”

“Alright banana split.” i’m not crying 

“You see this hat? This was gifted to me by a great warrior.” *Lex laughs*/*Ethan turns around slowly* “Don’t you fuckin’ laugh.”

“I’d make a great dad, I’m just sayin’.” (Ethan isn’t a horrible person he’s just misguided)

“My mom’s a bitch!”

Honestly the way Ethan looks at Lex

*in the middle of singing* “That’s not how cameras work, babe.”

Hannah’s dancing

ROBERT’S WIGGLES DURING “We’re missing in action.”

“Dear mom, it’s been real."

“I’d say you did your best, but I’m not a liar.”//“Oh, L-I-E-R, babe.”//“We get it Ethan, you’re a good speller.”

“PS: Get yourself a new trailer, because this one? Is BROKE AS SHIT!”

Robert in skinny jeans. Can Robert wear skinny jeans more often please?

Hannah doing the “smoking” thing with her hands.

“Hannah! What the fuck is this [imitating it]?That better be fucking FLOSS.”

UGH LAUREN AS LINDA MONROE IS LEGENDARY

“That’s called a bribe, sir, and it’s illegal...or it should be.”

“I have four boys. Four beautiful, blond, boys.”

“Do you really think your children are better than everyone else’s.”// “In so many words, YES.”

“I hope you don’t get a Wiggly. I hope you fucking die.”

“Well, my children were accidents.”

“Stop crying, Gerald. I wasn’t talking to you.”

The way Tom and Becky looked at each other when they met again ugh.

Whatever that song is called when the Hatchetfield citizens were gossiping about it like I think it’s called “What Do You Say?” or something?

“Tom’s put on some weight.”

“I heard Tom is seeing things.”

Jon is serving looks.

The dance they did when they said “all the years that had fun” killed me

Curt Mega is a treasure

“It’s cold out.”//“Nothing really.”//“How are things?”//“Haven’t seen it.”

“Oh my, God, it’s a train-wreck.”//“My favorite.”//“Give me my tub of popcorn.”//“Just skip to the fucking.”//“She’d never--.”//“Either way this is torture porn.”

“I think I’ll step in and save her.”// “You don’t have half of a chance, bitch.”

“THERE, she looked at his crotch.”//“He looked at her boobs.”

“I like dolls. I’m just kidding. I don’t like dolls. At least, not like that.”// “I missed you.” *everyone freaks out*

The dance that looks like a beating heart around them I love.

“Did you know if you spend money, your kids will love you maybe.”

COREY DORRIS NEEDS APPRECIATION BYE

“Give us your fucking money. Give us your fucking cash.”

SERIOUSLY I CAN’T WAIT FOR THIS RECORDING

“Do we have any morality.”

“What’s a grown man going to do with 85 dolls?”// “Well, one will stay in the box for posterity. One will be used exclusively for bath time.”

“If you’re going to make with the hysterics, TAKE IT TO MACY’S.”// “How dare you. Are you hearing this, Gerald? Yes, call my attorney.”

“I’ll tickle one doll, and one doll will tickle me.”

The bidding war.

“Get your hands off her.”// “Fuck YOU.”

The lighting slowly gets red when they start bidding.

“$800.”//“$3.”//“Can I use these coupons?”

“Well, if you’re not going to sell me that doll, I guess I’ll just gonna have to take it.”

“If he gets one, I’m getting four.” *Linda climbs the counter like Draco*

So the lighting during “Feast or Famine” is just???? The green and red??? Like holiday colors but at the same time it’s representative of greed and rage???? 

Just all of “Feast or Famine”

“What’s shaking banana, you okay?” I’M HAVING FEELINGS UGH

“What’s up with that grammar. Even I know it’s ‘more badder’.” Ethan no

ETHAN NO

“Give me that fucking doll I’m in a hurry.” Okay, Jeff you freaking gremlin man

WHO BRINGS A KNIFE SHOPPING?? Unless he stole that, too.

“Do you see him? Do you see him? Do you see him?”//“YES, I fucking see him!”

James as “Obama” I’m crying

“I’ll hold onto the little...uh...whippersnapper.”

“While you three devise a strategy, I’ll hold on to the little friend.”// “Shut the fuck up!”

“You’re nothing more than a Harvard Law School community organizing prick!” I’M SCREAMING

“Take one step closer to my fwendy-wend and I’ll rip your fucking throat out with my own teeth.”

“No, he’s mine! Back off or I will send a laser-guided ballistic missile to your house in Denver. You’ll be scraping off what’s left of your kids off the FUCKING pavement.”

“MORRIS. Give me that COCK-SUCKING MOTHERFUCKING COCK-A-DOODLE-DOLL” CURT MEGA IS A TREASURE 

“I’ll bite your dick off!”

THE AUDIENCE (AND MY) REACTION TO MCNAMARA 

*Obama voice* “Oh, I’m gonna vomit.”

“I hope you don’t mind if I let myself in.”// “Into the oval office?”

“Monsters and Men” IS A BOP

*yeets the Wiggly off stage*

“DECK THE HALLS” IS A BOP

I would 100% watch “Santa Claus is Going to High School” unironically

“Jingle! Jangle! If anyone sees two elves in my locker, I’ll get expelled for sure.”

The dancing UGH

Lauren is the cutest elf ever

PART THREE OF LAUREN AND ROBERT DOING A CUTE DANCE TOGETHER

“What the fuck am I watching?”

Becky talking about her ex-husband breaks my heart. I would die for her.

“You say you killed your family. I hope I killed mine.” My heart is breaking help me

Becky and Tom are freaking CUTE

“Take Me Back” is the cutest song ever

All of the times the characters mention other dimensions and stuff??? Each has a different context, but Joey’s character did say that Hatchetfield was a special town earlier in the show so????

All of the making out I’m done

Becky’s leg

“I knew you weren’t Santa.”//“A red tricycle.”//“SANTA!” *starts making out*

“This is the best movie ever!”

Robert has to make out with two people every day.

**PEIP deals with Paranormal, Extraterrestrial, and Interdimensional stuff, so if TGWDLM was Extraterrestrial, and BF is Interdemensional, will Nerdy Prudes Must Die be Paranormal? Will we see PEIP again? [I’M GOING TO MAKE A SEPARATE POST ABOUT THE THEORIES WITHIN THE UNIVERSE]

**“There are many dimensions, sir.”

“You want to send me into the fucking Twilight Zone to have a sit-down with the devil?”

“They will build him his birth canal.” Ew

Sherman Young is so freaking creepy

“Wiggly is good. Wiggly is just.”

“Bring forth the infidels.”

*as Linda walks onto the stage* “MOTHER MOTHER MOTHER”

“I dislike that word, Gerald. Cult. No, it’s a new, exciting religion that I started.”

“I’ve met God, He had nothing nice to say about you.”

“Adore Me” is a BOP

“You’ll kneel before me. Kiss my toe.”

“I will destroy everything, and then I will destroy everything. I guarantee I’ll destroy everything in my path. Unless I get what I--shit, Gerald.”

The followers repeating “I get what I shit.”

THE TIE AROUND JON’S HEAD KILLS ME

“I want you to know what I mean when I say my evil shit, ‘kay?”

TEAM STARKID PLEASE MAKE LAUREN A VILLAIN MORE OFTEN

“What’s shaking banana?” DON’T DO THIS TO ME

Evil Ethan hurts me

Hannah doesn’t deserve this

“I’m in the Black and White now. It’s just like California. It never ends.”

“I swear on my own grave.” I’M

Hannah calling Wiggly out on his bullshit

“Well, Webby is a stupid bitch.” JON UGH

“I’m going to eat you riiiight the fuuuuck nowwwww.” This scene just makes me want to give Hannah a hug

“We don’t get tricked. We’re grown-ups.” GROWN-UPS ARE THE ONLY ONES BEING TRICKED I CAN’T WITH THIS MUSICAL

“Tom, how could you? You let her get away!”

Dylan jumping at an audience member

I know people think that Ethan’s magic hat thing was bullshit but like the syringe missed Hannah so like?? 

“You think that in the Netherlands they care about some toy? Hah! Nah, they’re too busy enjoying their free vacations and free health care.”

Made In America is A BOP

THE SNIGGLES

BIG WIGGLY

I feel like Made in America won’t have the same punch on the soundtrack.

Joey’s falsetto

R.I.P. General John McNamara

“MERRY CHRISTMAS MOTHERFUCKER!”

“Uh, oh, Mr. Prezy-wez. It seems you’ve misplaced your bomby-womb. Don’t worry. I’m sure it will turn up somewhere.”

“We’ve lost Moscow, sir.”

“He baited us into World War Three.”//*Wiggly giggles* “That tickles.”

“Is this what I live for? To be choked in a toy store?”

“Black Friday” is such a beautiful song though

“Did I need her more than she needed me?” I’m crying please stop

“I’m authorizing you to use my firearm.”

“Monsters and Men” reprise is PERFECT

“Kids don’t want that piece of shit.”//“What?”//“They’re all into Fortnight, dude!”

“I mean, you’re like 40! You probably think your life is over!”

“Everyone is dying, and that includes me, too.” Jeff is a lyrical genius but he needs to back off of whatever angsty juice he’s drinking.

“If I fail you one more time, the punishment won’t match the crime, cause there’s no pain that could ever explain how I let you down.”

“I failed you once, and I will fail again.” I cried when I watched this the first time

“If I Fail You” is such an emotional song

“Alright, let’s go.”//“Fuck, yeah! Should I move these boxes first?”//“Fuck, yeah.”

Charlotte? Where did you come from???

“The only man that’ll have her now is Jack Daniels.”

“And you, you little shit.” Says Draco, the little shit.

“A magic hat? That’s ridiculous. Only dolls are magic.”

“Is this some kind of a joOoOoOoke?”

“Answer me, or I’ll cut your mouth open with my FUCKING KNIFE.”

“You’re a fucking moron.”// “Then you’ve been out-fucked by a fucking moron.”

Lauren’s wiggles during “He will wigglewigglewigglewigglewiggle his way into life.”

“Wiggle” is such a silly song but the harmonies and choreography????? Iconic.

ROBERT’S TWIRL???

JAMES’ DEATH DROP????

EVERYONE’S SEPARATE WIGGLES????

The crying when Becky shot Linda.

“Gerald? It’s Gary. Yep, we need to talk about the will. Goldstein!”

The red light that symbolized Wiggly being on fire.

The followers deciding to burn with Wiggly.

“I have this cooky, reclusive Biology professor.” *audience loses their shit*

“What am I supposed to do without my iPhone?”//“Wear a watch?”

“What If Tomorrow Comes” is such a haunting song

Kendall’s voice is so GOOD!

HOT CHOCOLATE BOY?

MR. DAVIDSON?

BILL?

The dabbing

Hannah and Lex hugging

Paul hugging Emma and Bill

The Hot Chocolate Boy and the Cinema Kid holding hands honestly adorable and I lowkey ship

A little bit of instrumentals from “Not Your Seed” in the end-credit music?? (From the lyric “Look what happened, nightmare time.”)

That’s it. It’s very long, but those were either my favorite parts or small things I noticed. Mostly just my thoughts.

[garbagegrimoire]

podcast notes week 1

Here are the notes I had going into the podcast recording for week 1. 

There are some spoilers in here & all of the doodle/synopsis posts have not yet dropped but the episode is recorded & here we gooooo...

Train to Busan

Starting out strong with a zombley deert (to speak in cursed rickyisms).

Giving his kid some yuppie bullshit talk & almost gets them clobbered in traffic, great dad.

Damn that escalated quickly. Why did it take so long for the first lady to turn but the others are like instantaneous?

The shots, effects, & choreography in this movie are crazy!

The grandma has lucid moments before changing which seems more than what the passengers got. & she used them to break hearts.

Ohhh he's a “fund manager,” ofc he's a dick.

Watching a zombie movie during a pandemic hits different.

I like that the bad ass in this movie is a soon to be dad with a dad bod & he's also a boomer who doesn't know how to change his ringtone.

Okay, they’re officially fit daddy & dad bod.

Okay legit tears at dad bod sacrificing himself even though I knew it was coming.

LOL young capitalist bastard fighting old capitalist bastard

This is capitalism & I hate it. OFC the motherfucker willing to screw over everyone else even if he doesn't need to prevails nearly to the end.

We need a zombie killing axe... Oh wait, nevermind, a shoe is good too.

Oh wow, that shit is poignant. The most ruthless capitalist of the group having a mama moment before he changes.

I'm sitting here yelling, get his nards, fit daddy! Do the nuts still have any effect?

Oh shit, fit daddy is infected. Human bites are gross.

This sucks, I hate it. :(

OH FUCK WHY DO THEY MAKE IT WORSE OMG!

& worse.

I didn't want to cry this much, not fair.

Re-Animator

Ooh, my German 101 skills are tingling.

Chaos nerd is everything in this scene. You wondrous ball of absolute cheese.

The security guard saying "Nobody wants in & ain't nobody getting out" is the Chekov's gun of this movie.

Fuckin’ nerd talk. Do either of you even lift? Why don't you duke this out in a tables, ladders, & chairs match?

I don't feel great about that transition between her playfully saying "no" & them full plowing. Greeeeeassy.

I'm with the cat on this one — scratch him!

"The world's last living puritan." LOL, come to eastern Washington tho.

How in the world is this lady's creep radar going off w nerdboy but not with the creepy old man trying to bang her?

They did a few things really well with this cat thing. Because usually I could not DEAL with violence against a pet. First the dead cat doesn't look anywhere near realistic, nonetheless once it's reanimated. Also, there's no like huge emotional connection between the character & the cat because the only experience the viewer has with it prior to it dying is it scratching his back after he's done banging, which I mean, solid choice there kitty.

"Because it's maaaad?" Best line in this mf movie.

I like how quick Halsey turns on nerdboy who he was stoked on like two days later. All because he insulted the creepy old man?

"Here's your meatball!" Writers were A+ obv.

"I know you're all by yourself now." Ew no. Again, she reacts to something other than the creepy old guy trying to bang her. PLEASE REACT, maybe punch him in the face or move to a different state without notifying anyone.

I’m dying, it looks like he's dribbling cherry applesauce out of his mouth.

This is the corniest, dumbest break up scene I've ever watched.

So once they're lobotomized they have like a mind link with the old guy head? Alright...?

Okay so we've arrive. This scene is fucking pure unadulterated cringe & makes me feel like I need to take several showers & drink bleach.

"Get a job & a sideshow." This entire movie is this nerd & that's what I'm here for.

How is there this seemingly endless supply of this green ooze? Also this reminds me of TMNT.

LOL the murderous colon strikes.

I'm very confused on the rules of what stays alive & how. Like the hand is still twitching but the guy in the hallway is dead?

Nothing gore-wise has bothered me so far but the chest compression sound is gross.

This guy is the worst. If he loved her he'd let her die.

Plan 9 From Outer Space

"Future events such as these will affect you in the future." You don’t say, friend.

Hillabilly gravediggers saying "sorta spooky like" is the mood here.

The scream is so good. 

A conspiracy theorist manifesto delivered on a suburban patio made entirely out of wicker.

The walking dead in this movie are so much more chill than the last two, just saying. Like if you're going to kill me, fine, but be chill about it.

"The earth people who can think are so frightened by those who cannot — the dead." Truuuuuuu. Thinking sucks, bro.

The pillow talk is all kinds of weird.

Hey, I know you're worried too, but because you're a child that can't care for herself, make sure you lock the doors because that's something a feeble woman wouldn't remember to do.

"You are on the verge of destroying the entire universe." Ooof this hits different now.

Yeah, it's old timey & corny but there are some seriously artsy scenes in this. I love the glowing trees.

Vampira is aesthetic goals if: I was more feminine, if I gave a fuck, if anyone ever looked at me, lol.

If some big dead dude was coming for you why in the hell would you just stand there or sit there & scream? Like these are the easiest monsters to escape from, you all are so gd slow.

That's it, I'm dressing up as one of these aliens for Halloween. All I need is some black pants, a belt, & a shiny purple shirt.

LOL little green men. Shoot first, ask questions later. Get all the tropes in there buck-o.

I just realized the dude alien is called Eros & I'm laughing. Total heartthrob. "You're always right, Eros." Fucking yuuuck. Miss me with all of this.

Holy trigger happy.

Explode the actual particles of sunlight. LOL, OMG "STRONGER NATION THAN NOW." These fucking nationalist trashbags.

Yes, of course aliens are religious too. & the're sexists. OH MY GOD IM GOING TO THROW THE MONITOR OUT THE WINDOW STAHP!

This was so much. I mean it's the old humans are dumb, violent animals & need to be gently led or annihilated. Okay, that can be true. But the aliens here needed to FOAD too.

Dead Birds

Is Mark Boone Jr in everything & will he die early? (yes)

Very aesthetic theme

Bank manager's whiskers are on point. 

The fuck? Oooh racist, niiiiice. I hate everyone all the time.

Yup this is how bank robbers would behave, wanting to kill of members of the gang to get a bigger share.

Gross, just listening into their friends banging, being creepy.

Is it turning into a bear? (Ohhh, the footprints)

Okay one of these dudes actually has something like a conscience, good to know, still hate him.

54 minutes in & I'm getting real bored.

Good jump scare w the little girl.

Okay the lady in the barn was too much for me. Gore was too much.

"There are worse things than dying" Best line.

Okay first I was like "that's not vomit, it's too white" & then I realized she'd been in bed with her dude earlier & yelled "ew, is she puking cum?" at my computer because that's where my dumpster fire of a brain goes.

Poor horses :(

He just disappeared? TF?

Nah, I’m not feeling this.

[ain-t-bovvered]

14x16 Commentary

Special episode where a bunch of tired and caffeinated Europeans ( plus a sleepy American) scream together, and then die and try to get on with their day ( lol AS IF)

Hello and welcome:

@purpleskiesandcherrypies  (Nat)

@dean-winchesters-bacon  (Kat)  

@waywardbaby  (Zee)

@ain-t-bovvered  (Giulia)

       * MASTERLIST of season 14 commentary * 

14x16 : Don’t go into the Woods

Giulia: Them gay vibs

Nat: Sam

Giulia: And poor baby sam

Zee: No not Sam like that again

Nat: I like that it's focused on Sam

J:  I’m me again 

Giulia: I like Jack with powers!

* turns snake to ash *  

Giulia: Not like that!

Zee: Holy shit

Nat: I feel different now

Zee: Stronger

Nat: Ew

[Melodic Whistling ]

Giulia: Benny is that u babeh ?

Zee: Yeah. They ded

Kat: Of course they are

Guy: It was nothing. Just the wind.

Giulia: JUSt tHe wInD.  OOOH THAT IS CREEPY

Girl : Okay, that -- that wasn't the wind.

-she smart

Nat: Notice that in every movie the guy says that it's nothing?

- That tells a lot about men’s priorities. Creepy whistling in a desert park at night? that pussy tho.

Guy: Dad?

-YIKES

Barbara: Hi, sheriff

-Y I K E S

Giulia: But also….Come on let them have some back seat bingo

Zee: Guys are dumb. Think with the downstairs head

Nat: Why are you going away girl?

Kat: Because she’s dumb

Zee: REALLY?? IN THERE??

Nat: Yeah. i would back out of that bathroom

Nat: i mean. Ew

Giulia: I would burn my hands in holy fire to sanitize them

Barbara: Oh, God.

Kat: Oh hell no

Zee: Every place is a bathroom IS SHE SITTING??

Nat: I would rather pee outside of the bathroom.

Kat: And she’s clearly sitting

Nat: she fucking is

Kat: Disgusting

Giulia: No woman would sit on that. THAT SO INACCURATE, who wrote that ep? *goes look at it* MEN, of course , a woman would never have wrote that girl sitting on that filth.

Giulia: Fuck that’s creepy

Giulia: Ba ba ba

Kat: So glad I stayed up to the middle of the night to watch this 🙄

Giulia: Ba barbara ann

Nat: stop giuls lol

Kat: Taaaake my hhhaaannnnndddd

Nat: So she ded

Nat: sweet hope you can sleep

Giulia: Aw look at that, the bunker looks so dark and empty. I hate it now.

D: Morning sunshine! What you looking at?

Zee: This man is huge

Nat: Porn? Nip slips?

-sex tapes??

S: The Internet is more than just naked people. You do know that, right?

Zee: Naked people

D: Not my internet

Giulia: Not OUR internet. ( oh shit let me censor the nip word before tumblr freaks out)

bla bla bla, girl, bla bla bite marks,animal attack. bla bla bla our kind of thing.

Kat: Mah boys

D: I know you wanted to take some time...

Giulia: ‘I’m gOoD’ 

S: Honestly, I-I'm good.

D: ( u full of crap) All right. Well, let's hit it.

S: You got it. I'll grab Cass.

D: Mm. He actually left. Early this morning.

Giulia: *barely keeping in a squeal*  I’m not gonna go there

...I went there

D: I don't know. Something about being cooped up in the bunker for a few weeks. We all need to stretch our legs. I get it.

Zee: What’s wrong with Deans hair?

- WHATEVER DO YOU MEAN? 

Nat: thank god i'm not the only one who notices. Thought it was just me

D: Uh...I don't want Jack on this.

D: His powers have gotten us in trouble in the past -- the security guard.

Dean is actually so right right now, but still....Jack alone?...mmm don’t like that

Kat: Look at the baby bean studying

J: Did you know Article 246 of the Haitian criminal code115  officially makes it against the law116 to turn a human into a zombie?

D: Good

Nat: Pre King hair

Kat: Too much gel?

Giulia: Lots of wax I think, gel would be too shiny

J: And...you don't want me to come?

SOBS 

D: We don't want to leave the bunker empty. In case, uh, Mom or...some of the other Hunters call and need help, so... this place is long overdue for a restock. So, uh, your mission, should you choose to accept -- made you a list.

Look how uncomfortable Sam is. 

No ones lies like a Winchester lies.

Nat: My mission is shopping

Zee: Beer again

S:  Twice? D:  Yeah.

Nat: Will he get beer tho?

Kat: Is it your list?

Nat: He's only 2 years old

Zee: He got my shopping list

Kat: True

Zee: Shut up

D: We’ll be in touch. ( let yeeeeet the fuck out )

Sheriff: I don’t see how this is FBI business

S, D: RUDE

Giulia: Sheriff’s right tho

Zee: That close up. Thank you

Nat processing Dean’s hair :

Nat: Not liking that hair

Kat: It’s weird

S: You know, do you mind if we take a look at the body?

Sheriff:  Do I have a choice?

-that sheriff has 0 fucks

D: Not really.

Dean has 0---> ∞  fucks

Giulia: AHAHAH

Nat: Seriously?

S: How long you been doing this?

Zee: Cat like reflexes

Kat: Lolol he jumpy

Nat: yeah of course lol

Nat: He scares easy he's getting old

-Another still of Dean’s hair for Nat

Giulia: Jack so rigid tho

Kat: Hey it’s an improvement over season 4

Nat: groans

Zee: The kids again

Giulia: Ugh them again

Why in the fuck there the Ghostfacers tune . NO. Also weren’t they like...broken up or something

E: The ghostfacers are cool

- eeeh

Giulia: Bambi lol

Nat: Bambi

Zee: Bamby

Kat: Why they forcing these kids on us?

Stacy: Are you lost?

- Lol like a puppy, I can see that, oh wait ....

Giulia: OMG

Ghostfacers : Winchesters still suck ass, though

Nat: Ghostfacers

E: Are they (Sam and Dean) fighting ghosts?

J ( with the worst neutral tone ever) : What’s a ghost?

Giulia: I SHOULD GO

J: I don't like to lie.Like when you have to burp, but you can't burp.

Zee: It makes my stomach hurt

Nat: you can't burp

Kat: CAN’T BURP

Nat: Dean should teach him

Zee: That among other things

Stacy walks closer with a smirk

Giulia: NO BAD KIDS

Nat: What are these kids?

Kat: Apparently not

Giulia: STAY AWAY FROM MY INNOCENT SON

Stacy: Not anymore. [shows keys]

OH THANK GOD, I thought they wanted to break in or something. I don’t trust them.

I literally couldn’t care less about the sheriff and his son sorry, byee

Giulia: I’m sorry but am I ahead of yall ?

Kat: Idk are you?

Zee: Where are you ?

Nat: lol yeah, don't know?

Kat: I’m in the store

Nat: they're in the store

Zee: 12:13

Giulia: Yeah I’m a bit ahead

Nat: Zeta is ahead

Zee: I am?

Max: I mean, living with a bunch of dudes. Their whole place must smell like beer, Kleenex, and Old Spice.

Nat&Kat:  Old spice 🤣

- I can live with that, I don’t give a shit.

Zee: Zombies are real?

J: Well, no. Not really. It's kind of disappointing.  But there are other monsters.

Nat: Jack, don't tell them!!

J: Rugaru *chuckles* That’s a funny name. Yeah

Zee&Nat: Will you be my best friend ??

Giulia: NO WILL U BE MY BEST FRIEND

Nat: HOW ABOUT NO

Max: Do you ever, like, hang out?

J: Well, we have movie nights on Tuesdays Dean usually picks. I've seen "Lost Boys" like 36 times.

Nat: AWW...LOST BOYS

Max: I mean with kids your own age.

Nat: but 36 times?

- Eh it’s Dean what did you expect 

Nat: oh god

Giulia: I’m two

Giulia: I don’t like him hang out with them

Nat: #leavejackalone2k19 #STAYAWAYFROMJACK2K19

Giulia: No but wait , maybe being with kids will help him, now that he doesn’t have a soul

Max: Well, we're going to the Stoke place tomorrow, if you wanna chill. It's this old farmhouse outside of town. No one goes there.

Nat: I'll rip your lungs out if you hurt him

J: I think I’d like that

Kat: NO

Zee: Remove your spine and hit you with it

S: Kohonta.

D: Gesundheit.

Nat: I can't get over the hair

Kat: sweet mortal flesh lol

D: You think this is our Hot Lips?

S: I mean, according to the lore, Kohonta get so starving, they spit up stomach acid.

Nat: THE HAIR

Kat: Stop staring at it

Nat: tHe HaiR

Zee: Focus Nat

Kat: Stop it

Nat: I FOCUS, ALRIGHT? on THE HAIR

Giulia: I can’t

Kat: So many dead people

Giulia: Everytime there is whistling I just want to see Benny

Kat: STOP IT

Nat: iT's JuSt ThE WiNd

Giulia: Well that’s fucked up

Nat: That's not creepy

Zee: Now you run

Kat: TOO DAMN LATE NOW

Giulia: Who the fuck fall and stay down?!

Nat: Well, yeah THAT is. Really? saliva?

Wow the weather was shit that day of shooting. Did they get sick ?

Giulia: I feel like the sheriff knows something

Kat: Kinda seems like it

Nat: He probably experienced it again

Zee: They always do

Nat: THE HAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIRRRRRR

Nat: Sam's hair is good wet though

Zee: Sam wet is good

Kat: Sam looks good wet

Giulia: He does

Sheriff: Look, I don't care if you guys are the FBI. Nobody goes in those woods without my say-so.

Giulia: Sheriff is getting on my nerves

Nat: I can't even focus, the damn hair

D: Well, we should probably do what he says.

S: Oh, yeah. Definitely.

Giulia: Awe they are cute

Nat: Third wheeling his way on the kitchen table

Zee: Is pussy block a thing? Like cock block?

E: If you two are going to kiss, can you go to the other room? I'm trying to work here.

Elliot is Sam

Nat: OH NO JACK NO

Giulia: NO

Giulia: THE FUCK. GOD DAMN IT

Kat: Oh Jack 🤦🏼‍♀

Nat: I TOLD YA HE SHOULDN'T GO

Nat: "Yeah, you invited me"

J: I like The Who.

Giulia & Kat: THE WHO

Giulia: Jack your Dean is showing

Stacy: Who?

-Oh shut up everybody knows who The Who are

Max: Oh, my aunt listens to them. They're...old.

J:  Well, Dean says any music made after 1979 "sucks ass."

Nat&Zee: Sucks ass

Max:  That's because Dean is also old.

Nat: HEY FUCK YOU, NO BODY IS ALLOWED TO CALL DEAN OLD . Except us

Kat: HE’S OUR OLD MAN

Giulia: ... [with Misha tone when is done with Jared in the bloopers] Max is cancelled.

J: unless they've possessed a human. Then, they can look like me or you...or anybody.

Zee: He’s creeping them out.

Giulia: He’s gonna freak them out

Kat: He’s gonna scare the shit outta these kids

Nat: NO JACK BABY STOP

E: And you've seen one before?

J: I’ve killed one

Kat: What if they are possessed

Giulia: If I so hear one of them saying “let’s call a demon” imma throw tables

Max: [Chuckles] Yeah? How?

Giulia: Listen MAX IS TROUBLE

Kat: They all are

Zee: Demon killing 101

Giulia: LOOK JACK IS COOLER THAN THAT

Nat: Baby Bean

Nat: I'm glad it's dark and I don't see them hair

Giulia: BUT THEY SHINE

Nat: oops, there they are

Zee: Sam squint

Kat: The damn sheriff

Nat: What is wrong with that sheriff

Giulia: ok but the sheriff sneaking to the Winchester tho.Like...badass

Nat: LiAR

Kat: Knew that was coming

Giulia: There we go

Always remember Jo and her shotgun tho

Kat: That’s my boy

Jack.....Babe....

Nat: Jack, baby, just go home, alright?

Zee: Jack baby. Stop doing that

Giulia: Don t fucking use the powers

Nat: NO

Kat: Oh shit he’s gonna use magic

Zee: No no

Nat: OH SHIT NO

Kat: JACK NO

Giulia: Mmm don t like that

Nat: JACK SERIOUSLY STAHP

Zee: Yeah. He’s fucking anakin

Giulia: Don t like that

Nat: Jack, if you don't listen to me I can not help you

Giulia: The brunette is the only smart one

Kat: He’s gonna lose control and stab someone

Nat: Yep

Giulia:  “The brunette is the only smart one” I WAS WRONG

Kat: Oh shit

Zee: Crap

Kat: Knew that was coming

Giulia: ok but honestly she went right through it

Nat: Jack baby, why don't you listen?

Giulia: He right she moved

Zee: Can’t he fix her?

Nat: They calling 911

Nat: He can't…..Oh he can

Giulia: Ok but FUCK STACY. Bitch could have stayed put

Zee: Look at him.

Nat: But like, does he still have a soul at all

Giulia: Who fucking go running around when someone is making a blade floating

Kat: Jack shouldn’t have been using his powers

E: I don't know... what you are. But stay away.

Giulia: Oh my heart hurts

Nat: Yeah, like, didn't they teach the kids not to do that? right?

Zee: Common sense

Giulia: Ok but I mean...she could have turned around. She just went like ...to him

Kat: Yup he’s going dark side

Nat: She wanted to stop him

Giulia: Again...she run into the damn blade

Nat look at this!

Zee: The way Dean says “thing” is my new sexuality

Nat: Doomed to roam the woods and whistling pfffffff

Giulia: Keeps the folks away Yeah how that ever worked

D: Like I said, we hunt these things.

Sheriff : What do you mean?

S: Kohonta, werewolves, demons.

Sheriff: Those are real?

D: Oh, yeah. Yeah. And we kill 'em.

Nat: That smirk

Zee: The smirk. THE SMIRK

Nat: Almost make me forget the hair

Zee: What hair?

Sheriff: Just the two of you?

S: We know what we're doing.

Sheriff wants to tell people.

YOU SURE FAM?

Giulia: Put them on you tube.Yeah that sounds fun

S: It doesn't work like that. Even when they know how to fight,

Zee: People die People still die

Giulia: Like..kids in spn are dumb as dirt. See...?

Nat: Dumb kid 2.0

Giulia: Dumb as dirt

Zee: Silver blade through the heart.

Giulia: Always silver blade of course

Zee: That works for a lot of things

Giulia: That’s not the meat he’s looking for

Kat: He wants the other other white meat

Nat: Every time I hear the whistling I think that the Saviours are here but then I realize that it's not The Walking Dead

Giulia: Like yeeeeah where u at NEGAN BB

Nat: my body is ready

Giulia: Mine too

Zee: Don’t go there ffs

Giulia: I wanna go right there

Nat: Raining = Wet hair.Wet boys

Giulia: Wow fuck that thing

Nat: lol how Dean carried him out with his bowlegged squat

Giulia: Nat! People are dying!

Nat: Oh give me a break

Zee: I was just thinking of that

D: You don't like that, huh?

Giulia: COME ON

D: That was like full-on "Raiders."

Nat: Yeah like ew

Nat: What is this EP even

Zee: Green goo

Giulia: that’s me when I’ll meet Misha

Awe Sammy is worried about that dumb kid 

Have some hair again Nat

Giulia: I don t trust that wound on him tho

Kat: Thinking the same thing

S: He's your son. He deserves the truth.

I DON’T LIKE THAT SENTENCE SAMUEL

Nat: Babies in Baby

D: Do what we always do.

Nat&Giulia: When in doubt...lie

Giulia: When in doubt bacon

Nat: when in doubt...eat

Zee: When in doubt , beer

Zee: Can I sit in the back seat ?

Giulia: Can I sit on him?

Zee: He wouldn’t be able to drive bitch

Giulia: He would don t worry

S: And do you think you really took care of it the right way?

D: Jack said he was fine.

Dean...he’s two

S: And when we were kids, how many times did we tell Dad that we were fine just to make him happy?

OUCH 

Nat: So will they go all Dad on Jack?

Giulia: I fucking hope so

J: How was the Hunt?

D:  Oh. Uh...disgusting.

J: I got the supplies. Except for the beer.

Dean like....THE FUCK BRO. you had one job.

J: I didn't have ID.

D: You have tons of IDs.

J:  They're fake.

Dean’s like.... he’s your son.

S: Jack... listen bla bla bla bla bla bla 

Meanwhile , Dean is having an existential crisis

Zee: Tons of ids

Nat: They're fake

Giulia: We want to talk to you about your powers. That looks like THAT TALK

Nat: Will he tell them?

Zee: One of them at least

Nat: #worried dads

D: we didn't want you coming along because we didn't want you using them.

S: Not yet. Not for now.

D: Before you go all X-Men. It was crappy of us not to tell you. You know, we were trying to be nice. 'Cause we care about you. But because we care about you, you deserve the truth.

Giulia: TELL THEEEEEEM

Nat: JACK

S: You understand that?

Zee: He didn’t say it

Kat: He’s not gonna

S: I mean, anything happen while we were gone?

Nat: YOU'RE LYING

Giulia: TEEEEELL THEM U DUMB BAMBI

Kat: Oh he’s so going darkside

Giulia: fuck it

Nat: learned it from the best

Giulia: He’s a Winchester

Zee: Fuck Shit

Kat: Dun dun dun

I’m with Dean on this... Imma get some beer. 

[ post episode]

Giulia: PROMO

Giulia: OK I DON T LIKE THE PROMO. MMM MMM NOPE

Zee: Me neither

Kat: Ugh Nick and Anael? gagging noises

Zee: Well that left me a bittersweet taste in my mouth

Giulia: I like anael tho. She looks after herself, doing her thing, work it. yas gurl get it.

Giulia: NICK THO, NICK CAN GO FUCK OFF

Zee: Such a kind spirit

Giulia: Look that was probably him with Donny ok? And I like Donny

Kat: To me, she doesn’t add anything. I don’t hate on her, just don’t know why she has to be on the show 🤷🏼‍♀

Giulia: Well that’s why she isn’t in it that much

Nat: i will watch the promo later. but what anael?

Giulia: Cas told her he needs to talk to god

Nat: but like i don’t get it? who plays god now?

Kat: No one? We don’t see him

Giulia: Ok but ...angels guys! We need more angels that are not dicks

Zee: 

Giulia: scoffs

Nat: and why should anael know since she left heaven. if anything naomi should know

Giulia: But would naomi say shit to castiel without something back? And honestly ....that bitch made swiss cheese of his brain, I doubt he want to spend time with her

Nat: anael sure doesn’t have a great rep in heaven either

Giulia: Neither does Cas

Nat: fuck I’m late

Kat: Go work.

Kat: Get that money

Zee: Bring home the bacon

Giulia: Kick ass

Zee: Take names

Zee: Well that was a pleasure ladies. As always.

Giulia: Yas. Gonna go for a run now

Kat: Burn my calories for me please

Zee: Go to sleep babe

Giulia: Also ...yay I won't spend a lot on the commentary 🙌🏻

Zee: whispers I’ll need a couple of gifs. For... science. Ya know

Kat: The smirk

Giulia: I’ll make so many Dean’s hair gif just for @Nat

Zee: That’s plain wrong

Kat: Good, she’ll love that

Giulia: chuckles right?

Zee: That hair was all kinds of wrong

Nat: NO

Giulia: Too late

.

.

. 

And y’all? did you hate those hair as much as we did? 

.

@wayward-angelgirl @destiel-honeypie     @mariekoukie6661     @dragontamerm      @closetspngirl   @rainflowermoon    @mattiecat      @bunnybaby121115  @aliaitee2   @jacks-word-of-the-day     @4evamc       @dammitsammy     @legendary-destiel   @winchesterprincessbride    @destielhoneybee    @castiellover20   @jacks-word-of-the-day  @ravenhg @evvvissticante  @legendary-destiel  @dustythewind 

[fromdirectorlanawachowski]

honest and unmerciful endgame thoughts

a sequel to this post

this is deadass one of the worst movies i’ve ever seen.

a few brief thoughts before i get into the more or less play by play.

- making jokes about how time travel in movies isn’t really how time travel works doesn’t work if you’re a fucking movie dude

- fat thor was a fucking disgrace

- professor hulk has to have been 80% ad-libbed because there’s no way someone actually wrote that garbage dialogue

- using a past thanos was a mistake because we don’t actually give a shit about him

OKAY LETS GO

actually fuck it i was gonna do plot point by plot point but i’m just so exhausted i don’t have the strength to do it. i’m gonna go in broad strokes and if you want me to elaborate on WHY something was bad feel free to yell at me in the DMs

okay lets go

right away the whole thing with clint fucking turning on the spot as his family disappears was goofy as all hell. i know exactly what they were going for but having him literally turn on the spot instead of go into the house or go into the shed just draws attention to the absolute hilarity of how fast they vanished compared to others.

why the fuck was tony skin and bones when he got back to earth. i know he was in space for three weeks but they clearly show him eating during the montage of him and nebula doing.... things?

also everyone just kind of trusts nebula? okay? i’d be wary of purple aliens in light of what just happens but inclusivity i guess

also you mean to tell me that in three weeks they scanned the entire universe for gamma radiation? also enough gamma radiation that would show up on a scan from light years away but not fry everyone nearby when thanos snapped?

as soon as they killed thanos i knew the climax of this movie was gonna suck ass.

the writers have no idea how fast human hair grows if five years later natasha still has that godawful blonde dye on her tips

a fucking rat got scott lang out of the quantum realm. i don’t have any commentary for this because this scene speaks for itself. a rat.

moreover how did they even get the van down from the rooftop it was on at the end of ant man 2

fat thor. i don’t have any commentary about this either. the whole thing reeks of the russos looking at taika and going “you wanna be a funny man? you want thor to be fucking funny? you think he’s hilarious? fuck you”

oh i guess i did have commentary on that after all

i’m glossing right over the gay scene because again, taika fought tooth and nail to get bisexual valkyrie and now the russo shitters get to say they had the first canon lgbt character and it’s a couple of throwaway lines that can be redubbed for china. seriously. i don’t think there’s ever a scene where he says “he” or “him” while his lips are on screen.

apparently i am doing this relatively plot point by plot point but i digress

if i was keeping points like cinemasins (ew) i’d take a few off for morgan stark. i’m an bitch but not that much of one.

oh yeah pepper potts’ first of, i believe, four lines in this movie is “yeah i’m reading about compost”. i have no commentary for this either. it speaks for itself.

tony hits upon time travel in a day

i’m so glad we couldn’t get any real character development for anyone but we had time for the four minute “ant man becomes various aged forms of himself and then makes a peeing your pants joke in 2019″ scene.

“that’s how time travel works in movies this is real life” that’s great except that joke falls flat cause you’re a fuckin movie bro

i’m skipping over the entirety of the battle of new york thing because that was just fucking.... *benny hill music*

oh no i’m addressing the ancient one thing. love to have characters retconned into previous movies so they can try and explain the time travel in a way that actually makes it more confusing and also isn’t the way the movie follows

steve leering at peggy through the blinds was creepy, i’m sorry. actually the way he was suddenly obsessed with her this whole movie was really creepy.

howard potts

tony meeting his dad was so awkward and uncomfortable and they really meant for it to be heartwarming but i’m sorry it was fucking hilarious and i was howling with laughter in the theater

likewise thor with frigga. a really nice, emotional moment where thor gets closure with his mom and she overtly says she knows she’s going to die soon but she loves him and she’s so proud of him....

..... and then tops it off with a fat joke. the russos can’t let any kind of emotion hang without making a joke.

when they killed natasha a guy three rows down said “if they were killing her here why the fuck did they greenlight her movie then”

why did thanos get a scene confronting the cost of the stone but clint just wakes up in a puddle? are you gonna tell me thanos cared more about gamora than clint did about natasha? ok.

okay i’ll admit seeing quill dancing on morag without the background music was funny as fuck. rhodey explaining the punchline was not funny as fuck though

three cheers for nebula inexplicably having new abilities

as soon as they brought in past thanos i knew the climax of this movie was gonna suck a big ass

hulk snaps the iron infinity gauntlet because he’s the only one that can withstand the gamma radiation that it allegedly emits and has been mentioned only once before in this movie

the fact that it works is demonstrated by not anyone coming back, but ant man looking out the window at some birds. yeah. gee.

okay i have a question here that may take a little bit to explain.

earlier in the movie it’s explicitly stated they only have enough pym particles for one round trip each. that’s why steve and tony had to go back to 197X to get the tesseract and more particles. 

so.

past-nebula takes current-nebula’s place and uses her particles to travel back to the present, leaving current-nebula with no particles

so how did past-thanos bring his ship to the present with no pym particles

anyway past-gamora and current-nebula kill past-nebula to get the iron infinity gauntlet back

the final battle was whatever. i couldn’t for the life of me tell you what happened or where anyone was in relation to anyone else because it was cut so poorly

everyone comes back. remember at the end of my infinity war thoughts when i said the end had no stakes because obviously everyone snapped came back and you all got mad at me? everyone comes back.

the ladies all running the gauntlet would be cool if it wasn’t encompassed by shots of all the men running the gauntlet, drawing attention to the fact there’s literally only like seven ladies and one of them isn’t even a hero

joss whedon was the cinematographer the day they shot wanda fighting thanos, judging from all the gratuitous shots down her shirt. i know elizabeth olsen has nice boobs. believe me, i do. i’m envious. but for the love of christ stop being creepy voyeurs about it

also “you took everything from me” “i don’t even know who you are???” that was a great setup for her to use her mind powers and make thanos experience some suffering but they just didn’t do that so those lines are hilarious

tony gets the stones and snaps, killing thanos and all his army. thanos fades away into dust while a woman vocalizes in the background in a manner that’s less satisfying than when voldemort did the exact same thing in deathly hallows part 2

tony dies because i guess?

at the funeral everyone is there and there’s shots lingering on everyone including this weird kid who looks like he’d microwave a gerbil? i had to google him and it’s supposed to be the kid from iron man 3. i feel like seven years later you should probably put in a line like “thanks for coming <whatever that kid’s name was>

okay we’ve reached the part i have the absolute most beef with.

steve’s ending

from the start of this movie he’s been inexplicably obsessed with peggy. the ending is telegraphed from a mile away and i was still shocked and stunned that they actually did this.

so steve just gives up everything, all his friends and family, to go back in time to be with a woman he knew for max a year, in the heat of war, where emotions run high and they may very well have latched onto each other in case they died.

steve rogers, the man who wielded mjolnir, the man who broke his friend’s mental conditioning just be refusing to fight him, just sits back through the 50s and 60s and 70s and 80s and 90s. the cuban missile crisis, the LA riots, the assassination of JFK, the death of howard and maria stark, the infiltration of shield, the berlin wall, 9/11, the war on terror, and he just.... did nothing?

what the fuck was that

sam is captain america now though so i’m down with that

but i’m still so angry

this is beyond character assassination for steve. it’s... outright brutal murder and mutilation. anywhere i can, i give endgame a half star review FOR THIS ALONE. setting aside fat thor and how they treat Ragnarok, the fact they think steve rogers would, after everything he’s done and learned, go back into the past where there was still a chance he could help his friends in his own way, and do NOTHING, is the most infuriating thing about this barely-polished turd of a movie.

IN CONCLUSION i said infinity war was the worst movie marvel had ever put out and marvel went “haha we can do you one better”

endgame is just three hours of setpiece, gag, setpiece, gag, setpiece, gag, occasionally punctuated with emotional moments that aren’t allowed to hang long enough for the emotion to sink in before a joke is made, usually at thor’s expense.

[tlcyellow]

merlin s3 ep1 the tears of uther pendragon: part 1

can u tell i just graduated college and have way too much time on my hands lol

- lmao arthur called merlin a “girls petticoat” which is a super weird insult? 

- okay so uther is making arthur go on a mad hunt for morgana who has now been missing for an entire year

- lol merlin called arthur a dollop head in front of his knights. are you gonna deal with this level of insubordination in front of the men who are supposed to look up to you, artie boy? of course he is. love makes us do crazy things

- arthur and co have been attacked by a gang of men and merlin is doing SO MUCH MAGIC in front of everyone and idk why i feel the need to comment on this anymore bc it happens every goddamn episode and yet it still shocks me

- MORGANA IS BACK HOLY SHIT 

- gaius spends like an entire minute examining morganas exhausted face and then says solemnly “you need to rest.” you fuckin nailed that diagnosis bud good job

- merlin is super worried that morgana is going to reveal to the kingdom that merlin tried to poison her which is a relatively understandable fear bc u know uther would FUCK HIM UP if that info came out but since the show is named after him i think he’s gonna be okay 

- morgana gives an incredibly impassioned monologue about how she forgives merlin and hates herself for ever practicing magic. i know shes lying though and im ALL FOR IT

- LEON IS HERE AND BRADLEY JAMES TOOK HIS SHIRT OFF???? YES

- uther is so excited to see morgana that he starts crying but if they think his tears are gonna make me feel sympathy towards this they are SORELY MISTAKEN (idk who they is?? but i need them to KNOW)

- omg i forgot that this is the season where morgana is evil and, to demonstrate to the audience that she’s evil, they have her lie and then give a really sly look to the camera like she’s on the office. i cant be mad though. MORGANA IS HOT

- okay morgana is full blown evil now and i am so INTO IT YES KATIE MCGRATH SHOW US YOUR DARK SIDE

- does uther die this season? god i hope so

- okay morgause has used the tears morgana collected from uther to create this like black dripping mandrake root thing and its under his bed and its gonna make him lose his mind i think??? wild

- arthur is fighting soldiers BLINDFOLDED. what a KING. well not yet. uther has to die first

- damn arthur and merlin are really kicking off this season with some Mad Bants

- ohmygod uther is like “i would have searched the entire world to find you morgana” but like??? he didnt? he sent arthur out to do it.

- uther is drunk and he wanders out into the town square and he looks into the well and a creepy whitefaced woman GRABS HIS ARM and starts screaming i got actually so spooked ohmygod

- uther starts crying and screaming and so they send him to bed and gaius reveals that it was uther’s wife who was in the well. now i know this is just a figment of his imagination cased by the evil thing under his bed but i, too, would scream and cry if i saw my dead wife hanging out in the town square 

- okay morgana has killed a man. not even using magic she just straight up stabbed him in the chest. 

- morgause rides into camelots rival kingdom and goes to talk to the king. who is lowkey hot lmaooo

- i think morgause and this rival king are fucking?? 

- morgana looks GORGEOUS in green wow

- okay arthur and uther are having a casual chat and then uther starts freaking out because of something no one else can see. its then revealed that its a creepy ass child dripping with water. what kind of horror movie shit is this??? im home alone and i cannot deal with this

- APPARENTLY THIS IS BECAUSE UTHER DROWNED CHILDREN HE SUSPECTED HAD MAGIC???? damn he deserves whatever horrors befall him. god i hate uther

- okay apparently the guy that morgana killed didnt actually die so morgana sneaks into gaius’ chambers and kills him with poison which again?? idk why she doesn’t use magic but ya know it worked this time so at least there’s that

- i have never seen uther this vulnerable and i LOVE IT i can’t wait for him to die

- merlin is once again utilizing his skills of following people through the darkness and he catches morgana and morgause having an Evil Discussion

- okay hang tf on. their plan is to weaken camelot by making them lose its king so the rival king (cenred) can attack except?? there’s already a significantly more competent king in line to take his place. and he’s generally in charge of the battle plans and everything so uther is not really that big of a loss as long as arthur is still alive

- oh shit merlin has been CAUGHT

- gaius is like “arthur you have to take control, uther has lost his mind” and arthur is like “how DARE YOU? THIS IS TREASON??? I AM LOYAL TO MY KING” dude come on ur dad sucks just accept it

- morgause is going to KILL MERLIN OHMYGOD i mean he cant die because, once again, the show is named after him but one cant help but worry

- merlin has been left for dead in the forest and he cant enchant himself out of the chains hes in which seems fake bc hes supposed to be the worlds most powerful magician

- GIANT SCORPIONS AND SPIDERS ARE ADVANCING UPON HIM EW THIS IS LITERALLY MY WORST NIGHTMARE

- arthur is really distraught to see his dad in such a state and as much as i hate uther i hate to see arthur cry 

- merlin has been stung by a scorpion and in response to this he fucking OBLITERATES the scorpion and then says “oh no” which is a strong mood but then he summons the dragon!!!!! but then passes out!!!! but then the dragon arrives and burns the scorpions to death and carries merlin off!!!! what a Crazy Ride we’re on

- oh that was the end of the episode. im disappointed the dragon came back so quickly but super happy that morgana is back and truly evil 

next episode: the tears of uther pendragon part 2

[reactingtosomething]

Reacting to Crazy, Stupid, Love

Old Fashioneds for Charity: A Cocktail Philanthropy

The Setup: Kris actually gets into the long version of the Setup below, but this is also the first time all four of us have Reacted to Something together in real time! So it’s super long and a little clunkier than usual, but hopefully also fun. We’ll probably try to do it again at some point.

As always, post-chat annotations are in italics, and you can click on the first appearances of our names to see summaries of the TV shows, movies, and other things that influence our points of view.

LIZ: soo.. Crazy, Stupid, Love.. am I RIGHT?!

KRIS: I’m worried I’m going to disappoint all of you

(Are we all here?)

MARCHAE: Yes!!

MIRI: You laughed out loud multiple times while we watched

KRIS: Yes

MIRI: I don’t think you’ll disappoint us

LIZ: Kris, don’t be worried. We will just unfriend you on social media first and

THEN cut off all contact

IF THAT HAPPENS

MIRI: hahahahaha

LIZ: ❤️

MIRI: So, Kris--thoguhts?

MARCHAE: LOL

MIRI: Or thoughts

whichever you feel like

LIZ: I forgot so much.. Kris go first

MARCHAE: I want them ALLLL

LIZ: General opinion/ reaction then nitty gritty!?

KRIS: I guess I’d like to start with the [name of my writing teacher] story first

Just to explain how we got here

MIRI: Ok, please do

MARCHAE: storytime with kris 

KRIS: We’re just jumping right into like late second-act spoilers for Crazy Stupid Love, dear readers, all eight of you

MIRI: omg ❤️ 

KRIS: So [Writing Teacher] wanted to give us an example of subtext

And writing dialogue that doesn’t suck

So she gave us a scene, minus action description and names, and it’s a woman asking a man for advice on fixing a water heater

And she asks, what do you think this scene is about?

And we know it’s a trick question, but for whatever reason even the people who’ve seen the movie haven’t picked up on it yet

So the answers are like “she doesn’t really want to ask for his help”

LIZ: Sneaky. Love it

KRIS: And then [Writing Teacher] turns on the TV and there’s the title screen for Crazy Stupid Love, and some people are like ohhhh

And [Writing Teacher] doesn’t say anything and she goes to the scene, and obviously it’s not even remotely about a water heater

And more people are like OHHHHH yeah

And I was like, damn

That’s good

And I guess I was over at Miri’s, or maybe we met somewhere for something, and I was telling this story

MIRI: “Damn. That’s good. Maybe I should listen to Miri when she tells me to watch things”

KRIS: And it comes up that I haven’t seen the movie

And Miri is like

MARCHAE: (Which is still unbelievable)

KRIS:

MIRI: You’ve used that gif about me more than once

KRIS: Yes I have

It’s a good gif!

I like Elizabeth Jennings!

MIRI: And I am still complimented and also concerned

It is an excellent gif

KRIS: So this was October, I think

MIRI: I like her too but I’m not sure I should want to be her!

October sounds right

LIZ: I dont think his advice was even legit to be honest so don’t read it or watch it if you are struggling with a water heater issue!

Liz is looking out for us all, dear readers

READ THE MANUAL

KRIS: And every once in awhile it would come up and Miri sort of led this slow-but-steady charge of We’re Going to Make Kris Watch Crazy Stupid Love

and Kelly signed onto this in some capacity

Kelly is Miri’s roommate and another friend from our grad program

And obviously Marchae and Lemon

Reminder: Lemon = Liz

So here we are

MIRI: We’re humanitarians like that

Here we are!

KRIS: that was a looooot of preamble

sorry

MARCHAE: (And we had to get you on board with Hamilton too... kris I see a pattern) 

MIRI: I like the preamble. Now, tell us your thoughts!

KRIS: I liked it?

See this is why I’m worried about disappointing you

MIRI: Are you not sure about that?

Or do you just not have more expansive thoughts?

KRIS: No, I’m sure

LIZ: you did like it or you liked it ? 

KRIS: I’m sure there are more thoughts, but I’ll need some prompting, I guess

MARCHAE: I'm sitting on the edge of my seat her!!! 

Here* 

MIRI: Ok, we can prompt

LIZ: Who cares what we think! I took some notes because I forget a lot of things and a lot of my notes were sassy.. so what?

KRIS: I think the only thing I’d seen Gosling in before this was The Nice Guys

MARCHAE: Ok can you talk about the Ryan Gossling character 

LIZ: MASCULINITY

MIRI: WHAT

LIZ: GOD

MIRI: ???

LIZ: go*

KRIS: and probably a couple of episodes of Young Hercules

LIZ: hahaha

MIRI: WHAAAT?

LIZ: this is a topic for another day

MIRI: True

KRIS: I never saw The Notebook

MARCHAE: What!?!

LIZ: LASDKF;SLAKGJASL;KFJASLKJF

MARCHAE: What is happening!?!?!

WHAT IS HAPPENING 

LIZ: You need to want ALL OF IT EVERY DAY (the notebook that is)

KRIS: I can see there’s going to be a Make Kris Not a Philistine syllabus at some point

MIRI: YES

But also you have tons for us to watch too

KRIS: I guess where I was going with this is that I realized watching CSL that Gosling has pretty strong Brad Pitt vibes

MIRI: Focusing on this movie!

RYAN GOSLINGS IS SO HOT in this. And I love that he’s hyper masculine without being so in all ways.

KRIS: Does that seem right? Or was this not representative?

LIZ: Talk about... representation in this movie... I had a lot of questions about masculinity rewatching

MARCHAE: Ew

So did I liz 

LIZ: and then about how women are portrayed obviously always.. but what are your gut reaction thoughts

MIRI: Like, he’s got some slightly effeminate affectations that go with his kind of dandy vibe

MARCHAE: And Miri to be clear the ew was for you 

MIRI: Um ouch??

KRIS: Hang on I’m just pulling up IMDB to get character names

LIZ: ew what? he’s very hot

MIRI: You don’t think he’s hot?

LIZ: did you not see his body

MIRI: He’s hot!!

It’s like he’s photoshopped!

LIZ: HAHAHA exactly

MARCHAE: And now you liz. No i think he generally looks dehydrated and like he needs to bathe 

LIZ: ........

MARCHAE: The photoshopped line is funny but no 

LIZ: He has a tan?

MARCHAE: Go on Kris 

KRIS: Marchae’s descriptions of unattractiveness are always so specific

Miri: Marchae once told me she thinks the Rock looks like a toe and I have NEVER forgiven her for it.

MARCHAE: I am also tanned 

MIRI: Ohh, you’ve had this complaint about him before that he needs to wash

K: Marchae was not rooting for La La Land during the Oscars

KRIS: “dehydrated”

MIRI: Ok, let’s talk about toxic masculinity and this film’s deconstruction of it Because I’m into it

KRIS: OK

MARCHAE: Yeah the bags under/around his eyes -dehydration 

LIZ: lol at marchae’s tan.. and nobody’s here to say YOU ARENT HOTT! ❤️ 😉

MIRI: very true! 🔥

MARCHAE: Thanks gang 

MIRI: I think the film is pretty clear on the fact that Jacob’s perspective on women for most of the film is not super healthy or ok

(and also he could use some therapy)

MARCHAE: Ok so I did [rewatch] and I think because I knew we were talking pay more attention to how okay women are with RGs character 

MIRI: And we’re all tired of the whole The Right Woman SAVED Him narrative, but I do like that he has actual growth

I would argue that he’s a womanizer, but not a misogynist 

KRIS: (I did wish both Emily and Hannah had bigger stories in this)

MIRI: (or at least not to the extent of most)

Kris, I second that

MARCHAE: Same here 

MIRI: And not just because they are both such talented actors

The movie is mostly about the men’s growth

MARCHAE: Miri I feel like he might teeter on that line. He almost feels he has a right to these women he seeks out 

MIRI: But the women are allowed to be characters rather than set pieces more than most

MARCHAE: Kind of like that one that's the one I want and I will get her 

KRIS: Yeah, and of course it’s not inherently objectionable that this is a story about two dudes

MIRI: except the women they sleep with, mostly

Very true! I think we could use more stories about men having emotional growth and healthy friendships

MARCHAE: No not at all (three if you track the little boys story) 

YES!!! 

MIRI: The whole “You don’t ask them, you tell them that they want to come home with you” thing is not great. It’s pretty bad. But it’s also not the language that they ever use when actually talking to women--it’s always “wanna get out of here” type stuff

So I think that Jacob is not as much of a misogynist as he thinks he is!

I may be being too forgiving

But I love him

LIZ: I think he feels less entitled to the women and more just confident in his “game” bc consent is obviously important to him.. he doesn’t have to talk anyone into anything, which SHOULD BE THE WAY IT ALWAYS IS but unfortunately is not in real life and in how “wooing” is portrayed in film and what nots

MIRI: Very true! He’s super forward, but will take no for an answer without being creepy

KRIS: I feel like on the page Jacob would probably come off as more of a dick

Gosling underplays it in a way, he’s very not Frat Dude

MARCHAE: I agree Kris!

MIRI: When he first hits on Hannah he keeps talking as she leaves, but he never gets up or tries to stop her (Again, low bar)

Yes!!

The performance really makes it

LIZ: That character could’ve easily ruined the movie

the shopping with Cal part is especially lovely

MIRI: Love that!

KRIS: I think that’s because Hannah specifically was never really his objective; at that point she’s interchangeable with any other woman he might want to take home

LIZ: I am a sucker for physical humor apparently (throwing his shoes and slapping him(

MARCHAE: I don't generally love him and Hannah/Nanna notes the ridiculous nature of the game he plays 

MIRI: I also adore the section where they talk and have the infomercial stuff--one of my favorite film sequences

MARCHAE: So then I'm on board once the movie itself recognizes ok this guy is a doofus 

MIRI: Do we believe that he actually remembered hitting on her that one time when she kisses him? Or is he just going with it?

KRIS: That’s an interesting question

I think the intent is that he remembers her

LIZ: Gosling also never said like “all I want is to have the sexy times with as many women as possible”.. he just is kind of good at it.. I think if he ever said that was all he cared about or aspired to be... he’d be an asshat of the highest caliber

MIRI: I think the movie always knows that he’s a doofus, but doesn’t show its cards early

KRIS: I’m not sure if it’s the answer that makes the most sense or is the most interesting

MIRI: I’ve never questioned it before

LIZ: I think he remembered her bc she turned him down

and we don’t see anyone else do that

KRIS: I buy that

MIRI: Nice

MARCHAE: *YAS LIZ*

MIRI: Do we believe his redemption? Or change of heart or whatever?

LIZ: But then I felt like.. masculinity is kind of very set in stone and in stages of life in this movie

I know it is more complex

but does society kind of not ask it to be?

MIRI: Say more

What stages do you see?

LIZ: The kid with the crush ... the womanizer sexy young guy... the sad dad/ divorcee with his walking shoes and ill fitting clothes

MIRI: And are you saying the movie reinforces those ideas about particular types of masculinity or no?

LIZ: Cal is able to kind of morph into Goslings characters TYPE and I think at the end he is his own person and a NEW version of a man, but the ENTIRE movie kind of puts men in boxes.. which is FINE BC WOMEN ARE USED TO THAT TOO

KRIS: Is this kind of a Dan Fogelman thing? I’m not super familiar with his corpus

LIZ: and the douche boyfriend of hannah is kind of the alternative to the sexy young guy.. the safe boring young guy like SHOULD I MARRY KOKOUM.. STEADY AS THE BEATING DRUM? that shit

I am asking.. because I don’t know!

MIRI: Hmmm

KRIS: I think these are definitely all types/boxes but I don’t know if I’d map them into linear stages

MIRI: Maybe it’s more a question of him using and playing with types than anything else

MARCHAE: Liz I notes that too though not as eloquently 

KRIS: I got more of a “you can be this, or you can be that” vibe

MARCHAE: Noted*

LIZ: There is something to be said of the separated married couple trying to maybe make it work.. and the way Cal turns into a better human who cares about himself and then his life more too bc of that.. idk

yeah

MIRI: And then ultimately you can be you with an element of this and that if you want

LIZ: Like the wife is flawed, but open and trying from the first scenes where he rolls out of the car, which I appreciate

MIRI: While Cal’s journey gets way more screen time, I like the building blocks of Emily’s a lot

“Can women have midlife crises??” Yes, they totally can

LIZ: Yeah I agree, I’d have loved to see more Emily and Hannah

MIRI: And more of Liza Lapira, the friend!

KRIS: Also shout out to Asian Best Friend

MIRI: I love her and she never gets big enough parts!

LIZ: Right!?

MIRI: Kris, were weirdly in sync here and I love it

KRIS: There are like two not-white people in this movie and the other one is credited as “Hip Hairdresser”, so

MIRI: The phone call when Hannah is studying and ABF sees Jacob at the bar is hilarious

LIZ: She deserved to have something nice happen to her.. she gets creeped on by a fat old dude and gets to drool at Gosling! Not fair!

wow at hip hairdresser

MIRI: It is an extremely white movie

Like, down to the extras at the school and office

MARCHAE: Par for the course though for our friend Hollywood 

KRIS: Unless you count Emma Stone

Sorry

Too easy

I’ll show myself out

MIRI: HAHAHAHAHHAHHAHA

LIZ: Yeah there is no reason why the babysitter and her family or the school staff or the people at the bar needed to be all white.. very gross

MIRI: Omg

It’s very 10 years ago, too

MARCHAE: *KRIS*

KRIS: Oh let’s see if we can finish this masculinity stuff but do remind me to come back to the bar set

as a set

MIRI: We will try

Kris, as our man do you have anything to say about masculinity?

LIZ: like the kid, the dad, the player, the douche.. then the kind of controlled by his wife married angry ish guy (the friend w the mays bag) those are the people to think of as a refresher of type of dudes

KRIS: I don’t know that I have any fresh insights you all haven’t covered

LIZ: insert(eggplant emoji)

well do you think that it has anything right or anything wrong?

MIRI: 🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆🍆

LIZ: like the adolescent kid is actually given a good amount of depth

MIRI: There you go, Lemon

LIZ: thank you I didnt know if we could use those hhahahahha

MIRI: We can

MARCHAE: Can I say one thing

LIZ: well

🍆

MARCHAE: I did not love the end bit with the babysitter giving the kid the nude pics

MIRI: THANK YOU

MARCHAE: It was odd to me and not a thing I think a girl would do 

MIRI: I find that pretty grody

KRIS: Yeah I didn’t love that whole story honestly

MARCHAE: Like here is my gift to you young flower

NO

KRIS: And I understand that part of this is just my general aversion to humans who aren’t old enough to drink

MARCHAE: And No

MIRI: And technically distribution of child pornography since she’s 17

KRIS

K: As previously established, I am generally not a person who is won over by cuteness of the non-furry-quadruped variety. I’m the one who doesn’t say anything when one of the others sends baby pictures in our group text.

KRIS: But yeah, even the persistent text messages

MARCHAE: LOL 

Yes and he kind of quasi stalks her 

It's. Not. Cute

MIRI: Yeah, “I’m not going to stop sending messages that make her uncomfortable” is not great

KRIS: I guess I’m not sure when this came out in relation to our sort of broader cultural understanding of social media’s role in rape culture and harassment more broadly

LIZ: Technology moves so fast

KRIS: But that was all on my mind

MIRI: I think it was before that general realization

They still had slide out keyboard phones

MARCHAE: But not before the general realization of stalking 

And harassment 

LIZ: I think it is harrassment

MARCHAE: And the exchange of kid picks 

KRIS: Yeah

MARCHAE: No adult human said 

Young sir stop it's not cute 

It was all 

LIZ: I think things hit the fan sexting wise after this though

MARCHAE: Go get her! 

KRIS: BOYS WILL BE BOYS

LIZ: BOYS WILL BE RAPISTS HAHAHAHAH SO CUTE

jk but actually

Her crush on Cal was disturbing

like.. no.

MIRI: He is her dad’s friend!!!

LIZ: I was a hott mess in all the ways as a teen, but no!

MARCHAE: I guess I was lost on why it was supposed to be cute

MIRI: As creepy and not ok as the kid story is, I do like some od it

LIZ: The little girl.. the youngest.. Lets write her sequel.. she needs the most therapy

MARCHAE: I thought all of this the first time 

MIRI: Like it was definitely written by a guy not really getting the reality of rape cultre

culture

MARCHAE: RIGHT 

MIRI: but I do like that his idea of love is neither purely romantic or solely sexual. He sees her as his soul mate and it’s nice to see more than one aspect of attraction represented in one

MARCHAE: Or the reality of LIFE

KRIS: I feel like a lot of this movie works better than it should because the performances aren’t too broad

Like everyone’s actually pretty easy to empathize with

MARCHAE: I think you're right though 

If even one of them has been not redeemable it would have not worked 

LIZ: I think soul mates are kind of bullshit.. which isn’t unromantic of me, but more like... we see that this idea can force things that are not right and its not good for young people to fixate on someone like that!

KRIS: Even Jessica (babysitter) isn’t presented as hysterical or like, hormone-addled

MIRI: True

Oh I think soul mates are bullshit too

MARCHAE: The kids are all pretty self aware 

I guess that gives it the pass 

KRIS: So as uncomfortable as the story is when you take a step back, from pretty early on -- I’m thinking the car scene when Cal drops Jessica off -- she’s kind of restrained and thoughtful

LIZ: the only semi hysterical female is the teacher

but i think she is kind of fucked with in ways that bring that out

MIRI: My computer is being weird so sorry if my texts come in at a weird delay

KRIS: So I guess I liked that Jessica is afforded the same amount of humanity as anyone else, if that makes sense

LIZ: right

KRIS: Marisa Tomei!

LIZ: she definitely is

MIRI: I just like that the kid who’s jerking off to a girl also likes her as more than a sex object

Yes

LIZ: Ugh that is so gross

MIRI: Marisa Tomei is so funny

What's gross?

LIZ: yes she’s great

MIRI: Him jerking off with her IN THE HOUSE?

LIZ: Just thinking about having kids of either sex that age

I can’t pick which one would be worse

KRIS: ha

MARCHAE: But he also isn't apologetic to the fact that he's made her uncomfortable about it and that's what bugs me

LIZ: he does apologize at one point

MIRI: I genuinely am bothered by that too

LIZ: but it kind of takes his world being crushed

which is odd

KRIS: Well, I don’t like it as a story but I buy it from a 13-year-old

MIRI: All of the men need to Grow Emotionally in this movie

LIZ: I guess

yep

MARCHAE: But doesn't he say I'd do it again and she laughs 

MIRI: And the women mostly need to get outside their comfort zone, I guess?

K: I don’t think so, actually. I’d say it’s more something like, they need to be willing to say what they want/need from relationships, and/or don’t expect your partner to be a mind-reader.

MIRI: I like that reading. I also think they need to be willing to examine what they want for themselves--Jessica does’t end up with a partner but she seems to be happy and to have realized that pursuing a crush that inappropriate is probably not the way to go.

LIZ: I have specific questions at some point about certain parts of the movie

MIRI: Go for it!

LIZ: Hannah being seen as “chaste” by refusing Gosling’s advances kind of give her that angel dynamic, versus the slut thing that all of the women who readily go with him automatically might get, so then she DESERVES to hear about this parents and see his massage chair and be his one love... and I AM SO FUCKING SICK OF THAT

also.. I did note.. “WHY IS HIS MASSAGE CHAIR IN THE GARAGE? PEOPLE ARE STARVING” which was in the moment but I stand by it

MIRI: I never thought of it that way. I assume she’s been sleeping with Human Valium

LIZ: I have more but THOUGHTS?

KRIS: I think it’s totally in character for the chair to be abandoned in the garage

But to your larger point, yes

MIRI: Yes Jacob needs to stop trying to buy happiness and start volunteering and giving to charity and funding cool research or something

I think he’d find it much more rewarding

KRIS: I definitely think there’s a (really familiar) undercurrent of assuming most of the women Jacob sleeps with are empty airheads

MIRI: Definitely

LIZ: “Old Fashionds for Charity” a cocktail philanthropy

MIRI: “Am I boring you? I’m totally boring you!”

Well there’s the post title

Well done, Lemon

LIZ: Spelled wrong

lol

KRIS: We can spell it right in the heading

MIRI: There goes our integrity 

LIZ: hahahhaa

MARCHAE: I didn't think they were airheads but maybe... as the kids would say

Thirsty 

MIRI: I think the intent is that Hannah is the one that challenges him, not that she’s virginal

But it’s still kind of shitty

LIZ: I don’t want to feel seem like Im hating on Hannah btw

MIRI: No, you don’t!

KRIS: Yeah, I think it’s like “Hannah is a Woman of Substance”

LIZ: Her awkward, wet, weirdness where she says what she’s thinking is amazing and I really identify with it.

MIRI: I am a little concerned that she went from being ready for Valium to propose to in a pretty heavy relationship with Jacob over the course of a rainstorm

Yes! Great moment of weirdness

When she’s asking about the logistics of his moves it’s amazing

LIZ: I felt like she thought he might and shed be flattered, but I think she also might have had a come to jesus moment if he HAD proposed and left also

MIRI: Fair

KRIS: I got the sense there was a little bit of a time lapse presumed after they get together

LIZ: bc its at a cheese cake factory type of place (not that nice even) at a mall

MIRI: There’s at least a couple weeks

But still

LIZ: oh for sure

MIRI: The El Torito Grill!

KRIS: I mean even if it wasn’t a super intense relationship I buy her not breaking up with him because Dad Says So

LIZ: oh yeah, she’s an adult... that is insane

MIRI: Definitely! 

KRIS: Oh, okay, so now that we’re here, I should say that the Twist worked well enough for me to say “Whaaaat” out loud

MIRI: But also she’s totally emotionally invested 

He did!!!

LIZ: because you thought nana was a grandma?

MIRI: It was great!

KRIS: Up until that point, I was sort of like okay, this is a charming movie but I don’t feel a need to rewatch it ever

LIZ: also they are so into their kids.. why does she not come up! it is kind of CONVENIENT

KRIS: But now I would maybe want to rewatch it to see how they plant that

MIRI: They plant it well!

MARCHAE: "Charming"

KRIS: I did have a moment earlier in the movie of like “huh, they cast two redheads”

LIZ: ha

MIRI: When Cal talks about his kids it’s always “my youngest” (rather than my girl) and “I have kids--plural!”

MARCHAE: That's true and he also just calls Hannah Nanna right?

MIRI: right

KRIS: Yeah, and they do sort of plant the banana thing in the not-proposal scene, right? 

Or maybe the earlier restaurant scene?

MARCHAE: Yeah! 

KRIS: So at no point was I like “buddy, that’s a stretch”

MIRI: Hannah Banana!

LIZ: thats good

KRIS: I would just be curious to spot all the pieces being set up

LIZ: they definitely are

MIRI: It’s a good rewatch

MARCHAE: I like it a lot actually 

LIZ: also.. there are cheesy parts.. which seem to be on the nose, but the movie is very self aware

like the rain starts and he says like “so cliche” or something

MIRI: Yes!

LIZ: but his kid is like “dad you did change, you just got new clothes” and I did think BARF OKAY NO

MIRI: And Emily actually mentions how things are “in the movies” when talking about midlife crises 

Like, a cliche lampshading of a cliche is still cliche

KRIS: That did jump out at me

MARCHAE: It knew these things 

KRIS: I don’t know if it bothered me but I don’t think I would’ve missed it either

LIZ: there was also a part about half way through where I realized why I like tv more most of the time.. like even if I had never seen it.. I knew what would happen and I am so sick of that fake roller coaster/ formulaic bs

MARCHAE: Does that make the movie smart

KRIS: I think it makes it self-satisfied

LIZ: No, but it is cute

MIRI: I think it’s both self-satisfied and cute

KRIS: sure

MIRI: Like, it’s a little annoying but I’ll allow it because I like the rest so much

MARCHAE: Fair 

MIRI: Also this is not at all connected to what we’re talking about but “I don’t want your slutty money” is one of the best moments ever

LIZ: oh yeah

hahaha

MARCHAE: And Emily's response was the best

LIZ: because it isn’t overdone or too dramatic.. it is kind of exactly how someone would think they are really telling someone off, but it is more like a passing strange comment built up in their brain

what about kevin

they say his name 3084028408 times and I have forgotten it

MIRI: David Lindhagen

MARCHAE: I was like was his name Kevin?buut I'm there now 

KRIS: I’d watched a couple episodes of I Love Dick shortly before this so I was like Oh hey, Kevin Bacon! but I don’t have deep thoughts

MARCHAE: I think the story could have easily been told without ever actually having seen him 

KRIS: I liked that he wasn’t a cartoon villain

MIRI: But then we don’t get the fight scene!!!

Which is amazing!

Yes! I think he’s a nice seeming guy who is a little shitty for going after a married woman

LIZ: yeah the fight scene is great

MIRI: He’s not a massive dick, but he’s not a hero

LIZ: nobody really is ha

MIRI: Jacob’s desire to punch him is great

KRIS: Yeah, exactly, I did like that a lot about the movie

LIZ: except when cal calls the bartender.. a cocktail servant that is the meanest thing 

Right that felt like real family

MIRI: But he’s definitely seen as being a dick for that

LIZ: like you can be mad at each other but still have a common enemy

MIRI: Even he knows it was dickish

KRIS: cocktail servant was weird, yeah

LIZ: yes he did

MIRI: Yeah I like the way the family can fight and still come together

Very genuine feeling

LIZ: another amazing part... “amy heard you crying in the bathroom. we all thought it was cancer.. thank god!”

and they don’t talk for a while but still kind of love each other and the what nots

KRIS: So about the bar set, I liked that Cal ended up back in that seat after having been in Jacob’s spot looking at some other balding sadsack who was obviously supposed to remind him of himself

It’s simple, but I liked that use of set geography to establish power dynamics

K: Off the top of my head, this AV Club article (on the study table in Community and the elevator in Captain America: The Winter Soldier) is my favorite little internet thing about using a set to establish, and then play with, audience expectations.

LIZ: with a straw!

MARCHAE: Ohhhhh nice!

LIZ: yeah

MIRI: Yes!

Very good use of space/visuals

My perpetual question about Jacob--is he supposed to be Jewish??

LIZ: I also don’t think any women go to that bar twice

for his whole scheme to work

MIRI: He says shvonz (I don’t even know how to spell that) and his name is Jacob.

This is my only evidence but I feel strongly about tit

LIZ: He feels Jewish and sometimes Italian to me haha

MIRI: Yes!

LIZ: maybe both!

MIRI: His actual pronunciation of words does not feel Jewish to me, but that could be regional

MIRI: Please note that I’m not trying to imply that all Jewish people must “sound Jewish.” For example, I have some of the speech patterns that characterize Jewish American speech but almost none of the pronunciations.

Yes, he could be both!

LIZ: but yeah the shvonz (autocorrect can’t guess a thing) seems like yiddish or pretend yiddish

MIRI: Definitely

LIZ: seems like eastern european with a spray tan and a come-as-it-pleases brooklyn accent

MIRI: (HOW MANY TIMES DO I SAY DEFINITELY IN EACH ONE OF THESE??)

LIZ: DEFINITELY A FEW TIMES

MIRI: hahahahahaha YES Liz

LIZ: no I didn’t notice hahaha

KRIS: About as many times as I say “like” and “for sure”

LIZ: or as many times as I ignore punctuation, spelling, capitalization, and grammar in general? jk that is always for me (IM NOT SORRY! I MAJORED IN IT AND I PROVED THAT I KNOW IT)

MIRI: hahahahahaha

KRIS: Marchae I feel like you must have four pages of handwritten notes, is there anything you’re dying to bring up that we haven’t covered?

MARCHAE: HAHAHAHAH  

This time I didn't have as many notes! 

LIZ: HA 

good! that means you just watched and enjoyed!

MARCHAE: My thing was mostly the odd kiddie crush bits that we covered 

KRIS: Yeah interestingly I feel like there’s not a lot to overthink here outside of larger cultural issues

LIZ: Why didn’t Jacob buy Cal’s drinks or some of his clothes?

His house is like.. clearly a 4 million dollar plus home

KRIS: Does he ever say what his job is?

MARCHAE: I also wanted to add that I want a story that focuses on Hannah and Jacob

MIRI: That’s true. Like, there’s a lot that’s done really well but it doesn’t take ling to say that

MARCHAE: He's a hustler kris 

LIZ: I think he got a large inheritance

KRIS: oh right

LIZ: (pillow talk exposition)

Hesssss a hustler babyyyyy

MARCHAE: Ha! 

MIRI: At least he’s not a scrub

LIZ: he knows about new balance rules and he eats pizza w a napkin!

KRIS: That pizza thing is actually the first moment where I thought of Brad Pitt

I think because of Rusty in the Ocean’s movies

LIZ: I think you can wear stylish and supportive footwear btw.. I didn’t like that message

MIRI: Sbaru Sbarro? 

I love that moment

LIZ: Brad isn’t my fav

MIRI: Yes, Jacob has some unhealthy rules

KRIS: But he has a similar low-key charisma

LIZ: If you think Brad is charismatic 

can you seriously go watch the notebook

MARCHAE: Brad Pitt does?

KRIS: I mean I’ve always liked him

MIRI: In Oceans he totally is

Whether you like him in general or not

LIZ: People don’t forget is all I’ll say about thim

MIRI: We should have Kris and Marchae do a Notebook reaction 

And Liz just annotates after

MARCHAE: See the notebook makes me cry 

LIZ: oh yes

of course it does

(no spoilies)

MARCHAE: I won't  

I'd be down! 

LIZ: 😀

MIRI: Ok, anything else we want to say about CSL?

KRIS: I don’t actually harbor DEEP resentment toward Emma Stone for Aloha

MARCHAE: HAHAHA

KRIS: I just hope she makes better choices in the future

LOOKING AT YOU, JOHANSSON

MIRI: Agreed

UGHHHHHH agreed

MARCHAE: Yes!!!!!!!!

MIRI: Like, learn from your mistakes

Stop making even bigger ones

K: Actually I just realized, I’m not sure what else you’re referring to besides Ghost in the Shell.

MIRI: Lucy. While not actually a case of whitewashing, it is pretty bad on the Yellow Peril front and she caught some flak for it...and then upped the ante by playing a Japanese character in Ghost in the Shell.

K: Look, I stopped paying attention to Lucy the second I realized it was premised on that “we only use 10 percent of our brains!” horseshit. 

But Johansson didn’t write Lucy, and it was what “proved” she could carry an action movie on her own, so I’m inclined to cut her slack there that I’m not willing to cut her for taking on a specifically whitewashed lead role in Ghost. Expecting actors to answer for writers and directors (in this case Luc Besson) is a slippery slope. Go too far, and it’s like blaming Candice Patton for The Flash writers’ inability to make Iris more than a damsel in distress for longer than half an episode at a time.

MIRI: Very true! I think Lucy is excusable, but Lucy and Ghost combined makes for an uncomfortable pattern. And yes, the 10% of the brain thing is ridiculous.

KRIS: I do like the whole Woody Harrelson Introduced Emma Stone and Brie Larson and Jennifer Lawrence to Each Other thing

MARCHAE: YES MADAM HOT SAUCE DISAPPOINTED ME

LIZ: Amazing

KRIS: We have to talk about this Madam Hot Sauce thing

And we will -- or at least, Marchae will, with our very first Guest Reactor sometime in the next week or two. Because apparently “Madam Hot Sauce” is what Marchae calls Scarlett Johansson, and Marchae has discovered that she has strong opinions about the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

[pumpkinspicelexatte]

*puts on scientist goggles* EVERY QUESTION

           Random and personal questions  Redacted abusers from history     

1. Name:Amy Brianna Rose Meadows

2. Birthplace:Worksop

3. Ancestry: I have zero idea but apparently i have some irish family lol is all i know

4. Zodiac Sign: Gemini

5. Biggest fear:Tied between getting older and people I love abandoning me

6. Strength/Weakness: Loyalty/Stubbornness

7. Worst habit:Eating salt packets whole?

8. Favorite holiday: Halloween I guess?

9. Ever been in a car crash: Nope

10. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher: So many times

11. What do you do as soon as you walk in the house: Check tumblr lol

12. Age at first kiss:25

13. When did you fall in love for the first time: I wanna say 11 ish?

14. Who Is Your Longest Friend & How Long:

15. Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Be happier

16. What were you doing at midnight last night: Sending my girlfriend a birthday message and listening to the new paramore album

17. When was the last time you laughed hard: today with @janes-nature-garden “I guess you just have internalized drumphobia”

18. Who was the last person that told you they love you: @allisbornagain

19. What was the first thing you thought when you woke up yesterday morning: yesterday as in thursday i guess, either @allisbornagain is so cute or why are there chickens

20. Where did you go for your first date and who was it with: I guess the cinerma with my first ever girlfriend grace when i was like 13 lol

21. Who’s wedding were you in the first time you were a bridesmaid or a groomsmen:I have never

22. Who did you see in concert first:Thursday when they opened for MCR

23. Who was your favorite teacher:Jemma my college biology twacher

24. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day: @allisbornagain or @janes-nature-garden

25. Who do you think about most: @adorablyamy or @allisbornagain or @janes-nature-garden

26. Is your ideal occupation?  If i didn’t suck at it a writer of some kind

27. Beer, wine, or liquor? I guess wine

28. Favourite restaurant? Firezza in soho is amazing but i’ve been to so many good places recently

29. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? Dairy free soy vanilla

30. McDonlads or Burger King? Burger king

31. Fantasy dinner guest(s)? Alexa bliss, Poppy, Lana del rey, Hayley williams

32. Have you ever been drunk? When was the last time? lots of time, Probably the night me and jane did karaoke

33. What is the most embarrassing thing you have done drunk? probably karaoke with Jane lol

34. Wonder Woman or Cat Woman? I have no idea

35. How many pets do you have? Does a vulpix count? :p

36. What would be the first thing you bought if you won the lottery? A house so i could live with my girlfriends

37. When was the first time you smoked? Technically age 2 or 3 lol

38. Who last sent you a text? Jane

39. Who did you last send a text to? Jane

40. What 4 things would you take to a desert island? Sattelite internet, water purifier, phone , solar charger

41. Name the 3 most important people in your life? @allisbornagain @janes-nature-garden @truetrashsoulrebel

42. Favorite song? Right now it’s idle worship by paramore

43. Favorite movie? The disappearance of haruhi suzumiya

44. When did you last cuddle someone? today

45. When did you last have sex? I guess technically wednesday although weird feels lol

46. If you woke up tomorrow with no fear, what would you do first? Internet stuff for money lol

47. What was your biggest worry five years ago, do you still feel the same about it at this minute? That i’ll never be able to be a girl

48. If you could change one law of your country, what would it be? I have no idea

49. What relationships have ended? But you can’t let go? I guess there’s one online one where i still love them a whole lot and i just can’t get past it

50. Where would you take a road trip? I have no idea

51. How do Mondays feel for you? alright

52. If you could spend ten minutes with your ‘hero’ alive or dead what would you ask them? i dont know

53. Do your practice ‘self love’ or ‘self loathing’? self loathing mostly lol

54. What’s your greatest achievement to date? Escaping an awful abuser?

55. What scares you about your future? Money and fascism

56. Why does pizza come in a square box? Because delivery bags are square?

57. What would happen if you knew you could not fail? no idea

58. How does it feel to be photographed? nice sometimes

59. If you could erase an event from your mind, which one would you choose? A certain night in november

60. Do you want your children (if you have any) to be ‘just like you’? Nope bpd is hell

61. Do you stand for what you believe in or are you pleasing others? I’m kinda bad at just trying to please others

62. If money were no concern, what would you do for the rest of your life? Something useful and good like volunteer

63. What are you thankful for, this moment? Actually feeling like i have a chance to live

64. Do you have same sex gender fantasies? Always

65. If you have had sex in a public place, where? Not quite but there was a bus station with em

66. Have you ever cried during/after sex? lol yep

67. Who is the oldest person you’ve had sex with? 27

68. Who is the youngest person you’ve had sex with? 21

69. Would you rather be in a relationship with a totally submissive partner or a totally dominant partner? as a polyam i can choose both right? :p

70. How tall are you?    6′3 ish

71. How much do you weigh? I have no idea, I avoid because ed related reasons   

72. What color is your hair naturally?     dark blonde/ light brown?

73. What size jeans do you wear?    16?

74. What is your favorite color to wear?  pink or black  

75. Do you have any piercings?     nope

76. Do you have any tattoos?    nope

77. Do you care how other people see you?    very yes

78. Do you like sports?    eh not really, thanks to certain podcast hosts i have a slight interest in mma lol

79. How do you feel about age differences in relationships?    mostly fine as long as everyone is over 18 although huge age differences particularly way older men scream creepy power dynamic

80. How do you feel about race differences in relationships?    why would that be an issue????

81. Do you believe in karma or fate?    very yes

82. Do you keep a journal?    nope

83. Describe the last dream you remember:   making out with a tumblr follower, although one i interact more with on twitter lol

84. Describe your favorite dream:    

85. Where are some places you would like to visit?    Arctic to see aurora, Japan with em tbh

86. Any upcoming concerts you want to attend?    not really

87. What music do you listen to when you are happy?    paramore, lana , poppy

88. What music do you listen to when you are mad?    paramore , lana, poppy, melanie martinez

89. Do you like to burn candles or incense?    not really

90. What was the last alcoholic beverage you consumed?    wine

91. What are your favorite alcoholic beverages?    prosecco is good atm lol

92. Do you smoke cigarettes or cigars? What about marijuana? only when jane gives me them :p i have before

93. Who is your number 1 friend and why is he or she there?    All my friends are good, but i guess Jane has a best friend feel?

94. Has anyone ever mistaken you for a family member?   nope

95. Is there anyone of your friends that you would ever consider having sex with? a few

96. Would you ever have sex in the shower or the bath? seems dangerous :p I’d fall in the shower lol

97. Have you ever kissed or had sex with someone of the same sex gender?I have only

98. Do you think your last ex still wants to be with you?ew

99. Ever wondered what it would be like dating the same gender as you?no cause thats all i’ve done , well mostly , i’ve dated some nb people

100. What are your outlooks on gay/bisexual people? Amazing

101. How often do you brush your teeth?Daily, thanks exec dysfunction

102. How often do you shower?  When was the last time you had a shower? most days , today

103. How often do you shave your legs?weekly?

104. Political affiliation? not sure

105. Opinion on abortion? let people do what they want /need with their bodies

106. Opinion on immigrants/ immigration reform? immigrants are in no way a bad thing

107. Should prostitution be legalized? very yes

108. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? if i could choose? like 19

109. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do? Capitalism?

110. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world? make men not in charge

111. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich? Something involving looking after pets?

112. Would you break the law to save a loved one? yes

113. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why? italy seems nice i guess?

114. Why are you the person you are? Abuse and trauma?

115. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend? Kinda although im super needy

116. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars? they don’t really,

117. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you? do my comfort things in public, be visibly trans

118. Were you happy when you woke up today? not really

119. What’s a fact about the last person who text messaged you? she laughs at the tube station euston cause of euston we have a problem

120. Want someone back in your life? Not anyone who would be good

121. What are you excited for? My chewable necklace thing

122. Are you scared to fall in love? not any more thanks to @allisbornagain

123. When is your next road trip? never?

124. What was the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? message em?

125. Do you like to cuddle? very yes

126. Have you ever kissed more than one person in 24 hours? I’ve kissed two people within five seconds of each other

127. Plans for tomorrow? Rest i’ve been told

128. Do you care too much/not at all/just enough? can’t care too much so just enough

129. How is life going for you right now? okay to good in different aspects

130. If you were offered a shot of whiskey right this second, would you accept? sure

131. This time last year, can you remember who you liked? probably @catnip-brownies :p

132. Could you stay in the same relationship for over a year? yep

133. If you could have one super power what would it be? shapeshifiting seems fun

134. Background on your cell phone? Me jane and em

135. What are you thinking about right this second? Girlfriends

136. Last book you read? How was it? The sigh of haruhi suzumiya  pretty good

137. What is the last thing you bought? food

138. Do you live with your parents? nope

139. Have you ever been caught sneaking out? nah my parents never cared

140. Have you ever met a celebrity? nope

141. What are you like when you’re drunk? fun and loud

142. What are you like when you’re high? emotional

143. Do you want children? idk

144. Do you want a church wedding? idk

145. How many pillows do you sleep with? 3

146. Have you ever been scuba diving? nope

147. Who was your first real crush? Lauren styles a blonde girl who moved to where i lived from croydon,

148. What are you allergic to? some antiallergy meds

149. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?Meadow Meadows

150. Do you want a boy a girl for a child? girl prolly

151. How did you get your name? i chose it , inspired by someone who saved me

152. Name one thing about your body you love? My butt is pretty nice

153. What is your biggest goal in life? be happy and help people I care about be happy

154. Do you still have feelings for your ex? is hate a feeling?

155. Do you think aliens are real? yeah

156. What age did you start drinking? I guess 14 on a school trip to italy?

157. What do you think of President Obama? I don’t know enough about politics nevermind american ones

158. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? Yep , nearing 6 months and 5.5 months with my gfs :)

159. Describe your dream girl/guy? furryish cute, weird, gay

167. Favorite fictional character (movie, book, tv show)? Weiss schnee right now

168. How many followers do you have on tumblr? What about twitter/ instagram? 1274 , 215 ish , 50

169. Are you friend with your parents on Facebook? hahahahahhahahahahhahahah no

170. First time you thought you were in love? When did you realize that you weren’t actually in love with that person?

171. Do you talk to yourself? Always, in the third person referring to myself as aimz , amyface, amykins or aimster lol

172. How old will you be on your next birthday? 26 ew

173. How did you meet the last person you kissed? On tumblr

174. Do you have any hickies?i have never

175. Turn ons? girls

176. Turn offs? boys

179. How many siblings do you have?  one sister

180. Have you ever taken anyone’s virginity? ew yes

[thefuckgallagher]

i’m just gonna rave about beauty and the beast right now because I just saw it:

(spoilers under the cut)

plot/character-

the changes to the plot/characters gave the film so many more layers

big one: WHY EVERYONE FORGETS THAT THE PRINCE EXISTS! it was always so confusing that no one seemed to notice that their monarch/prince wasn’t around anymore? so fixing that was amazing. it made the story so much more poignant that the enchantress made everyone forget about him. it felt so much more isolating and made it so much harder for him to break the curse.

also i really liked how they separated families, like mrs. potts and her husband. like, the other world did exist. and it connected to the beginning when belle asks “monsieur john” (AKA MR. POTTS) if he has lost something *again* and he says “i believe i have but i can’t remember what” - HIS FAMILY. HE LOST HIS FAMILY. 

also in general the town was so well created! it made so much sense historically too, like them hating belle for her intelligence and her trying to teach girls to read. historically, that’s a scary amount of power for a woman, especially peasants/non-royalty

this also gave a more clear explanation to why belle was so ostracized from the town. educated women would have been scary in that era, especially because of the widespread illiteracy (see: lefou). then, it also made her connect more to adam because of their shared interest in reading as an escape from a world that rejected them

also the layers given to the town people. not everyone is bad. there were some people who were portrayed as just “evil” like gaston, but then some who originally try for justice and fairness but fail, like mr. potts, then some who stayed good like the priest

gaston- gaston was so much less cartoonish than the animated version but he’s so believable. first they made him an army captain from a war that was presumably won by the way he talks about it. that automatically gives him power in the town. then you understand why people look to him so much. he also is more cunning in the way he uses maurice to get to belle, making him scary. then, the way he manipulates the town both to send maurice away and to follow him to kill the beast. so relevant when powerful white men manipulate things to get people to listen to what they want. and he knows how powerful he is.

congruently, i love that they didn’t make maurice a crazy old man. instead, he was a sad widower and an artist. it made it more poignant that originally, people didn’t think that he was crazy but gaston convinced them

i also really liked that belle just asked for a rose when her father left and he tried to steal one for her. great hat-tip to the original fairytale!

overall, as i briefly touched on before, i felt like the relationship between belle and the beast was so much more believable for so so many reasons (included the aforementioned reading/escapism)

i love the story line about the mothers. with belle, it was more of a fill in to explain why she didn’t have a mother- with a great historical reference of the plague. and, why someone like the maurice they created and belle were stuck in that town. then it also helped her connect to the beast who also lost his mother. 

the death of prince adam’s mother was totally different. he didn’t have a loving father like belle. instead, he was raised by a cruel man, probably without love. so when he got older, he filled his palace with beautiful things to replace love. he sings in “evermore”: “i never needed anybody in my life, i learned the truth too late,” demonstrating how even though the palace was filled with people, they were more like things to him as he couldn’t feel love. but he wasn’t always like that, being raised by his father made him that way, giving a strong avenue for redemption. i love how the costumes back that up because in the beginning everything is gaudy and over the top with the french wigs and makeup, but then at the end everything looks more simple and light because the real beauty came from within (sappy, yes, i know). 

“I’M NOT A BEAST”- loved that he put gaston down and just told him to leave. then gaston proves that he’s the beast because he fucking shoots adam 3 times... then the crumbling castle kills him

and i love that belle stayed because of the kindness of the servants and their guilt at failing the prince and allowing him to become a beast. [kindness, if you didn’t notice is super big with disney films]

overall the characters all had so many more layers than their animated counterparts and they were so easy to really feel for (esp. the beast)

on feminism: was this new belle a feminist icon? not so much? i mean she was different than the original, in good, progressive ways but the constraints of the story and the time period kind of hinder a full progression to what we’d call a liberated women in the 21st century. she still takes care of her father (which despite what others say, there’s no problem with...), really just goes from her father’s house to her husband’s, and needs maurice to protect her from gaston. shown by how he gets in the way... but she is a more 3 dimensional character in this version but i appreciate disney’s attempt! and emma watson as a person.

gay-

i don’t really like that they used the queer story line for comedy

but i did some things about it:

gaston using lefou’s attraction to benefit himself

the end where lefou gets out from under the spell and is actually a good person. lefou actually has a conscience in this one and slowly begins to realize it (i.e. not wanting to leave maurice for dead and his line in “the mob song”: “there’s a beast running wild, there’s no question. but i feel the wrong monster’s released”), ending in him being smashed by a piano and left by gaston. the spell lifted and lefou was actually good.  

history-

loved the line in be our guest when lumiere says “after all miss, this is france!” and then the knife chops down #historynerd

loved the asylum vs. hospital comments

loved that she wasn’t just taking books from a bookstore but it was a church that had books that she could borrow

music-

alright here is where my few negative things about this movie come in

emma watson- not a great singer, yeah they used autotune but in our entertainment industry it’s not cool to use playback singers like bollywood does soooo what to do when someone is otherwise great for a role? overall, not as good as paige o’hara but good enough not to impact the movie

dan stevens- good enough singer for evermore, and i was overall pretty cool with him singing

emma thompson- as much as i love everything about her and her voice, you can’t really beat angela lansbury for “beauty and the beast”

audra mcdonald- slay.

but i really liked the reprise of “beauty and the beast” at the very end. especially the new verse and the ensemble at the end. cried so hard.

“day in the sun” worked better for the film than “human again” would have but it wasn’t a great stand-alone

"EVERMORE”. y’all can gripe about why they didn’t just use “if i can’t love her” all you want, but “evermore” was beautiful and fit the new beast character they created so much better. i cried so hard. 

josh gad singing “gaston” is bae

luke evans also killed it

and i was happy with ewan mcgregor too

random-

attempts at diversity? good job disney. you tried, and definitely improved. the ensemble was not all white people (plus plumette and madame) garderobe)

lol @ cogsworth’s wife(?)

the transformation: love that they did a lot of shot-for-shot remakes i.e. the hand transforming and the foot...

okay so idk if this influenced anything- but i feel like the enchantress in this film reminded me of the genre of greek myth called theoxeny by the way she stayed in the town as agathe. (theoxeny is when gods disguise themselves to test people’s hospitality and then punish them if they suck). everyone treats agathe like shit besides maurice so she saves him. then she’s comes back to change the beast back. 

the end when she asks him to grow a beard was slightly creepy... funny but ew...

i love the prevalence of roses throughout (the rattle, stealing the rose, etc.)

i also love how the petals falling makes the castle crumble more and more. awesome.

i’m sure i had more feelings... but this is long enough lol