#❛ ― promo. / they say surround yourself with good people.

[holyshit]

I feel like we can't base the concept of an album or song on what an article says about it. I remember a large publication calling Walls a breakup anthem album and then you listen to it and you're like but where?? Then on the other hand publications were calling Harry's House this super sexy full of sex drugs and rock n roll album and again we were like but where?? It just gets so discouraging when every album promo season for Louis and Harry you're getting the pre meditated assumptions about the album before you even get to hear the album whether it be from publications or "sketchy" anons. I just really can't wait for the day when we can enjoy an album in its entirety without any negativity or bs surrounding it.

yes definitely! i think a lot of people do get very panic-y when it comes to just normal interpretation from reviewers and promotion tactics/image things, when songs can be interpreted multiple different ways depending on the person who is listening's own individual viewpoints, personal experiences, and perceptions of the artist. it's not worth it to put too much stock into other people's vague ideas of it when you haven't heard it yourself. it's not worth the stress or getting needlessly negative about something that you haven't even heard yet, and it's definitely a frustrating part of fandom because it leads to people setting themselves up to not like something in advance and puts a cloud over the fandom unnecessarily.

presuming this is coming from the place of the talk about Chicago, i do think that based on multiple things people have said about it so far that there is a good chance that it could be intended to be interpreted as being about danielle, and i don't think thinking that way is inherently being negative about the album- it's just a theory based on multiple things that have been said by different people about the song and i wouldn't be shocked if it was true (although, like we talked about, it shouldn't be considered set in stone or 100% true and it could end up being very different, we have to wait and see). i expect some stunt lyrics, and it wouldn't stop me from loving a song, personally. and even some overtly stunt-y songs can sometimes have something real underlying it. i think it's fun to joke around with these kinds of random rumours and theories based on all these vague reviews we get while also keeping in mind that it could very much be entirely off once the album is actually released and that it's not worth stressing yourself out over- your own interpretation of music is the most important interpretation

[meraki-yao]

I'm so happy and supportive of Nick and what he's doing with these projects ❤️ he's a ray of sunshine but that hurt feeling of not having had this with rwrb will never go away. I'm missing a piece that I can't replace with anything else. I was waiting for that film for so long and then (for the right reasons, I know) I couldn't have anything promo, premiere and sometimes the feeling is that it didn't even exist and I see everyone moving on and I suffer too because Taylor still hasn't been able to live all of this. And I want to cry and feeling stupid for this and I see on Twitter that people who feel what I feel are insulted by Nick fans and called haters and I feel out of touch.

Dear, trust me when I say I know the feeling.

Something that I came to terms with these couple of months is that happiness and sadness can co-exist. A lot of us are feeling the same way as you are, so you're not alone.

But if this helps at all, the people who stay are the ones who truly got the movie, and sometimes it's not a matter of leaving the fandom, it's simply being busier with irl life (the movie came out in summer)

Also, love, please get off Twitter. It's not a good place to be. Fandom is supposedly to be enjoyable and escapism. Under the condition that you're not actively hurting others, your main objective in fandoms is too have fun. If going on Twitter and seeing toxic solo stans of Nick makes you feel bad, please turn away, and now those people are kind of pathetic if they truly hate on a project and person for reasons that don't stand. On top of that, please remember that those people don't speak for Nick, and are living in their own delusion. Time will come where they are smacked in the face with the contrary, as it has several times already.

I'm still really optimistic that we're gonna get more content at some point in the future, be it the myriad of deleted scenes or a sequel, so please hold on to that hope and hang on a little longer. In the meantime, please keep yourself surrounded by people who you feel comfortable with, who share your genuine love for the movie.

[thealtoduck]

Being from District 1 and being in the 75th Hunger Games with Finnick…

Finnick Odair x Male reader

Warnings: It’s the goddamn hunger games so people dying and lots of violence, talk about two people hooking up.

(A/N: This is based on the movie because i didn’t feel like re-reading the book before writing this)

Growing up in District 1 had it’s advantages because unlike most districts yours has a good relationship with the capital and you are illegally trained for the hunger games so you get an advantage.

…buuuut there is a disadvantage, you are taught the games are just that GAMES and ignore the parts where you might end up traumatised or worse dead.

And that is how you ended up in the games, you volunteered but mostly because you were taught that the games are a good thing and because your parents pressured you into it.

However you ended up winning but not without some mental scars.

You took your winnings and moved into the victors village but without your parents not ever wanting to speak to them again.

You lived peacefully for a while until you didn’t because the capitol decided that for the third quarter quell the tributes would be reaped from the victors of each district.

When you saw that you may or may not have had a nervous brakedown.

Then came the day of the reaping, you told yourself that you were not likely to be picked since District 1 had several other Male victors.

”As for the male tribute… Y/N L/N”

But then you were picked anyway… *cries*

So alongside Cashmere you headed for the Capitol in one of their fancy trains.

You had been allowed to chose your mentors, Cashmere had chosen her brother Gloss. You had picked Augustus Braun, Panem’s favorite son, (he was a character created for promo photos for the movies, the guy who ”plays” him is really hot). He had been your mentor during the year you won so he knew how to work with you and plus he is nice :).

When you arrived at the trainstation there were a huge crowd waiting for you. Augustus advised you to try to appear sad but still wave to the capitol citizens and treat them kindly so they might sympathize with the fact that your back in the games.

You met up with your prep team and they made you strip naked so that they could look you over and make you look presentable.

After they finished they got you into your outfit for the tribute parade.

(A/N: Your outfit is whatever the male version of this would look like)

You were walking towards the chariots for the parade when you heard a catcall whistle and you knew immediately who it was.

You turned around and were met with a almost naked Finnick Odair a familiar sight as you had hooked up the year before while being mentors for the tributes.

”Hello Finnick” you said in a voice implying that you were not in the mood for his flirting.

He caught the hint and the two of you had a normal conversation. You asked how Annie and Mags were doing as you were rather fond of both of them.

He said they were doing fine considering the cicumstances. The two of you talked for a while but eventually Finnick went to try to make Katniss Everdeen uncomfortable for fun.

You climbed in to the chariot and helped Cashmere get up as she was wearing 8 inch stilettos.

After the tribute parade you are escorted to the training center with the rest of your group.

The next day training began, you went directly for the throwing knives which was your preferred weapon.

Then you were approached by Peeta Mellark, last years winner, he asked you to show him how to throw knives. You agreed to show him and you gave him some tips and tricks that you used. He then showed you how to do some simple camouflage.

You liked Peeta he was the kind of person that was hard not to like, unlike his district partner.

You and Cashmere invited Katniss to the place where they showed you how to make hammocks and it was noticable that she was a bit suspicious to be talking to career tributes.

The training days passed by and you did well on your private session but now it was time for the interviews.

When you got out on the stage you threw your arms around Caesar Flickerman as if he was your lover, which in turn got you a ”Awww” from the audience.

You turned on the waterworks, you talked about how much you will miss the capitol citizens for treating you like family and that you regret not reconciling with your parents after a fight you had before you left and not getting to say goodbye to them. It was all lies though but it was enough to fool the audience.

The audience gave you a standing ovation while you joined Cashmere standing in a line above the stage.

The rest of the tributes gave their interviews (Johanna’s was your favorite) and then Peeta during his interview told Caesar that Katniss was pregnant and all hell broke lose.

That evening you were visited by Haymitch and he told you that Peeta had wanted you as an ally and about the rebellion and about their plan to get Katniss out of the arena.

You agreed to the plan.

Before you went in to the arena you said goodbye to your escort, prep team, stylist, Gloss and Augustus.

You also said goodbye Cashmere since you knew you were on different sides in the arena and you said a silent prayer that you wouldn’t have to be the one to kill her.

You were then taken aboard the hovercraft and flown to the arena. You were then escorted to the small elevator thing that takes you the podiums in the arena.

You stood in the elevator waiting anxiously for the game to start. You also realised that you didn’t know who your other allies would be other than Katniss and Peeta.

The podium then started rising until you were inside the arena. Your eyes were blinded by the sunlight and you looked around and saw that the podioum was surrounded by water.

You saw that there were rocky spokes connected to the island where the cornucopia was located.

Then you heard a voice saying ”Let the 75th Hunger Games begin, May the odds be ever in your favor” a voice started counting down from 10 and you prepared yourself to dive in.

A canon went of as the starting signal for the games and you dove right in to the water and swam to one of the rocky spokes and climbed up on it.

You saw someone else had climbed up on it behind you but didn’t care to find out who so you tried to run but they had roughly grabbed a hold of your arm and were trying to drag you back.

You turned around and saw the male tribute from district 9. Without thinking further about it you clenched your fist and punched him in the nose. He let go of you and you started running towards the cornucopia.

You looked around and realised that you were now at a disadvantage from only being held back for a few seconds.

You reached the cornucopia and tried to sneak around it to see who was there but Finnick suddenly appeared around the corner and pointed his trident at you for a second but brought it down as soon as you made eye contact.

”Come on” he said and led you to the weapons. You picked up vest with a bunch of throwing knives attached to it and put it on.

You had put it on just in time as the man from 9 had reached the cornucopia as well. His nose was bleeding from your punch. You got a knife from the vest took aim and threw a knife at his throat, you hit just as intended.

You got an extra leg holster with throwing knives and a regular knife incase needed for close combat.

Finnick told you to stay by the supplies to guard them with Katniss while he looks for Peeta. You nodded at him as he ran off.

Katniss and you stood guard for a while until Finnick returned saying Mags had found him. You and Katniss followed him as he led you out on one of the spokes leading out from the cornucopia.

You saw movement in the water as Peeta was wrestling with a tribute trying to drown him. Finnick dived in to help Peeta, you turned to the cornucopia to check so no one would sneak up behind you.

Soon enough Peeta and Finnick were out of the water and the 5 of you made your way in to the jungle.

You all ran through the difficult jungle terrain except Mags who was carried on Finnick’s back.

After getting far enough from the cornucopia you all kneeled down for a quick rest. You heard more canons going off meaning more people had died.

”I guess were not holding hands anymore” Finnick said with a quick laugh. ”You think that’s funny?” Katniss asked with obvious hostility in her voice. You made quick eye contact with Peeta basically saying ”Fuck, they are going to be fighting”.

”Every time that canon goes of it’s music to my ears, i don’t care about any of them” Finnick answered. ”Good to hear” Katniss said pulling out a machete from her quiver. ”Wanna face the career pack alone? What would Haymitch say?” Finnick asked teasingly.

”Haymitch isn’t here” Katniss stated and there was silence for a moment until Peeta said ”Let’s keep moving” and you all got up and continued moving through the jungle.

Peeta walked in front using the machete to cut plants and vines out of the way, Finnick was behind him carrying Mags, you were behind Finnick and Katniss was behind you.

You noticed Katniss stopping behind you as you turned to see if anything was wrong she yelled ”Peeta! NO!” and right behind you there was a bang and you were knocked to the ground by Peeta flying backwards.

You sat up and saw Katniss crawling over to Peeta repeating his name slowly as he lay motionless on the ground. You then heard her say in a panicy voice ”He’s not breathing”, Finnick ran over to him and started doing mouth to mouth resuscitation. You crawled over to see what was happening.

After a while he woke up again and you all started to move slowly but Katniss was now in the lead, she threw small rocks at the barrier so that you could navigate how close you were to it.

Katniss told the 4 of you to wait while she climbed up a tree to see your location and if she could find fresh water. When she got down she told you that you were on the edge of the arena and that she couldn’t find any water.

Finnick suggested that you should set up camp and sleep, he said he could take first watch to guard the others to which Katniss disagreed which in turn made Finnick upset since he literally saved Peeta.

Honestly you were tired of both of them so you rolled your eyes and walked away to find somewhere decent to sleep.

You found a spot close to Mags where you laid down and shut your eyes but that didn’t last long as you heard the anthem playing and you looked up and saw the faces of the fallen tributes.

When you saw the face of the man from district 9 you felt ashamed. You wondered if he had a lover or children at home who had to watch him bleed to death from a knife to the throat.

You turned around so you lay on your other side and your y/c/e met with Mags kind eyes and she gave you a small smile as if she had read you mind which you returned shyly.

(A/N: I had to stop a second just for some Mags appreciation because she’s one of my favorite characters in the hunger games universe.)

You closed your eyes again trying to sleep but you then heard something hit the ground you sat up and looked to Katniss and Finnick who had gone to inspect the noise.

It turned out to be a sponsor gift, you stood up and walked over to them. Katniss held a small silvery thing. ”What is it?” Finnick asked. ”It’s from Haymitch…… I think it’s a spile” Katniss answered.

”A what?” Both you and Finnick asked as Katniss stood up and found a tree and started banging on the spile with a rock hitting it in to the tree.

You all waited for a moment but soon water started trickling down from the spile. Katniss caught some in her mouth and told the others to get some, first Peeta got some, then Finnick and the you.

You were on you knees infront of the spile, you got a mouthful of water. Finnick walked up beside you with a small smile and said ”As much as i like seeing you on your knees, can you move over a little? I need some more water for Mags”. You laughed a little and moved aside.

”Seems like someone has gotten his wittiness back” you said and Finnick gave a small laugh and started filling a leaf he had shaped like a bowl for Mags.

After that you went to your previous resting place and laid down to sleep again. You were woken up at some point by what sounded like a gong and the sound of lightning but you managed to get back to sleep.

You were woken up by the sound of Katniss screaming, you quickly got up and pulled out your close combat knife. You saw no one but Katniss, she was laying on the ground whimpering and there was a closing in behind her.

”Run! Run! The fog is poisonus” she yelled you helped Mags get up as Finnick crouched down to get her up on his back. When she was safely up you started running following Katniss and Peeta.

You passed Katniss and Peeta as being quick was sort of your specialty.

It was hard to know where to go as almost everywhere you turned the fog seemed to be coming closer. You heard falling behind you and saw that Katniss had fallen over but Peeta had helped her up. Then a little bit after that Peeta fell over and Katniss helped him up, you turned around to come to their aid but you heard Finnick screaming and saw him falling over.

You ran to Finnick to help him get up but by the time you got there he was already up and he had gotten Mags back up on his back. You grabbed him by the arm and helped him away from the fog. You and Finnick saw that Peeta had fallen over once again from exposure to the fog.

You and Finnick ran to him and Katniss. ”I can’t carry him, Peeta please” she said with tear stained eyes. You tried to help carry Peeta but it was no use you weren’t strong enough.

Behind you heard Finnick saying ”Mags? Mags?” You turned around and saw Mags walking right into the fog (like the boss she is).

(R.I.P Queen, both the actress and character)

”MAGS!” Finnick screamed and the came the sound of canon. You grabbed Finnick by the arm and Katniss told him that we need to leave.

Finnick helped pick up Peeta as you picked up Peeta’s machete and started cutting away plants that were in the way. The others staggerd away from the fog, you ran to Katniss side to try help her keep up.

You feel the fog touching you back as immense pain shoot through you whole body and then the 4 of you fell… not because the fog though but because there was a huge drop that you hadn’t noticed.

When you land you just lay on the ground twitching and flinching from the pain.

After a while you hear Katniss saying ”The water, the water helps”. You tried to get up but you body was like on lockdown. You hear them helping Finnick into the water, Finnick tries to let out a scream but gets water in his mouth.

Peeta comes to you and drags you up into a sitting positon saying ”Come on” as if he’s talking to a child but it was strangely comforting. He then pulls you into the pond making you let out a scream from a sudden sharp pain but the pain slowly starts to fade away.

The group takes a little brake now to rest and you can’t help but to whisper a little ”thank you” to Mags.

You then hear Katniss saying to Finnick ”I’m sorry about Mags”. Finnick answered by saying ”She was never gonna make it….so”.

Finnick then turned his attention to something behind Katniss, you turned around and saw some sort of monkey like creature staring at you, whatever they were they didn’t look friendly so you pulled out your combat knife in one hand and a throwing one in the other.

All 4 of you stood in the little pond surrounded by the mutts, you were all waiting for one to attack. ”Get to the beach” Katniss said and turned towards a path that lead towards the cornucopia but the mutts started looking more aggressive.

One tried to jump at Katniss but was cut down by Peeta which made more start to attack.

You weren’t really that well equipped to deal with animals but you tried your best. A mutt tried to jump at you but you kicked it in the face and threw a knife at it.

Another one ran towards you so threw a knife at it’s arm making it shriek in pain and you ran over and stabbed it with the combat knife.

”We need to get to the beach” Peeta said as he and Katniss started moving in the beaches directon, you started following him and Katniss and made sure Finnick was keeping up.

You made you way through the difficult terrain while trying to avoid the mutts. You did your best to hit then with your knives but the didn’t pack enough of a punch to kill them unless they were hit in sensitive areas.

You were tackled by a mutt which made you fall to the ground. It crawled onto you about to maul your face off but you stabbed it in the stomach and twisted the knife.

You threw it’s dead body off of you and got up, you saw Katniss and Peeta carrying someones body to the beach, you turned your head back and saw Finnick fending of the mutts. Your mind raced for a second if Finnick is there and Peeta and Katniss are fine the who’s body was that.

You ran over to Finnick who was slowly making his way to the beach backwards with the mutts following him, only held back by his trident. You stood by his side swinging your blade at any mutt that comes to near you two.

Finnick then whispered to you ”At my signal grab my hand”, you nodded.

”Now” he said and you grabbed his hand and the two of you started sprinting towards the beach while the mutts chased yoy, when you got near enough you and Finnick dove on to the beach sand.

You and Finnick quickly got up and pointed your weapons at the mutts that where now on the edge of the jungle where the beach began. You then heard a canon going off and the mutts then started making their way into the jungle once more.

You put you knife in the holster at your leg and then turned to Finnick. You threw your arms around him in a hug, Finnick put his big arms around and you leaned you head against the older males shoulder.

It was hard putting a label on yours and Finnick’s relationship. You had met during part of your victory tour in district 4, you were attending a dinner in your honor.

You had excused yourself to go to the public bathroom during the dinner. You had no need to actually use the bathroom. You just needed to get away from the people who had celebrated the fact that you had killed people.

You started having a bit of a nervous breakdown in the bathroom, you were crying, splashing water in your face trying to calm down but you felt like you needed to scream.

One of the toilet stalls had opened and Finnick steped out. He went to the sink to wash his hands and while doing so he noticed your red eyes and trembling hands and he asked if you were okay.

And you spilled everything to him and told him how you were feeling, he put an arm around you, he told you he somtimes felt like that as well and told you how he usually copes with it.

He had told you that if you didn’t want to finish the dinner he could go out and tell everyone you weren’t feeling well and have you escorted back to the train.

But you said you wanted to try to get through the dinner as long as he was there to help you. He agreed to be there with you and you managed to get through the whole thing.

After that Finnick was basically your bestie and you guys would come to each other for emotional support.

And last year during the 74th hunger games while you both were in the capitol, you had been hanging out at his apartment the capitol give the victors while they visit for the games.

While hanging out things got a bit steamy between the two of you and you ended up hooking up, the day after the two of you kinda acted like it never happened and things got a bit awkward between you and him.

But being back in to the arena had stirred up feelings for him you had buried. While in the arena most people will latch onto whatever makes them feel safe and Finnick made you feel safe.

You finally let go of Finnick and you noticed a hover craft picking up the body Peeta and Katniss had taken in to the water. Finnick told you he was gonna go try to catch some fish food, you nodded at this and walked over to Katniss and Peeta.

”Who body was it they picked up?” you asked. ”The female morphling” Peeta answered in a saddend voice. You sat down in the sand, the 4 of you had almost died 3 times (+ 1 for Peeta) in less than 24 hours and it was exhausting.

Finnick had managed to catch a fish and found some oysters that you were now eating. Peeta found a pearl and gave it to Katniss.

You then heard a scream coming from the jungle, ”That’s new” Peeta said and you heard a thundering noise.

Out of the jungle came a huge wave of water and you heard a canon going off. The wave was so big it washed up on the beach.

You then saw a hover craft lifting away the body.

After it had flown away you heard Katniss say ”Someone is hear”. You immediately looked in the direction Katniss had been looking and saw another tribute on the beach and two other tributes emerging from the jungle, you backed up slowly.

”Johanna?” Finnick whispered and ran out of hiding towards Johanna shouting her name, ”Finnick!” she yelled back and the two embraced each other. You made your way towards them and waved Johanna.

Johanna told the 4 of you how she, Wiress, Beetee and Blight, her district partner, had been wandering the jungle when it had started raining blood on them to the point where they could barely see and were choking on it. Then blight had hit the forcefield and passed away.

Wiress was stumbling around murmering the words ”Tick-tock” to herself, Wiress tried to get Johanna’s attention but she ignored her.

”What’s wrong with her?” Katniss asked referring to Wiress. ”She’s in shock, dehydration isn’t helping” Beetee answered and the asked ”You have fresh water?”

”We can get some” Katniss answered as Johanna had started getting fed up with Wiress saying ”Tick-Tock” to her. ”Listen stop it!” Johanna said loudly while grabbing a hold of Wiress.

”Hey! Get of her” Katniss yelled as Wiress fell to the ground. Katniss stromed passed you and started fighting with Johanna. ”Hey!, what are you doing” Johanna asked as Katniss got up in her face but before things could escalate Peeta and Finnick had pulled them apart.

You got the spile and hit it in to a tree so that the others could get freshwater. You took a big leaf and shaped it like a bowl and got some water for Beetee who was working with some sort of wire. Katniss and Wiress then came excitedly and said that the arena was a clock with different obstacles every hour.

You all decided to go to the cornucopia to stock up on weapons, you had decided to get something more lethal than just knives just in case something comes up.

Katniss was trying to go through what happens during every hour that we know off. When you arrived at the Cornucopia you refilled your knife supply and picked up a nice sword. The others were drawing up a map of the zones and the drew the threats we knew about tsunami, lightning, blood rain, fog and mutts.

Then came a loud gasp from Wiress who was being stabbed in the back by the male tribute from district 10 (you know since your here instaed of Gloss). Katniss was quick to shoot an arrow hitting him right in the chest killing him almost instantly.

Another figure had appeared it was Cashmere she had a knife in her hand. She was on her way to attack Katniss but Johanna pushed her out of the way and plunged her axe right in Cashmere’s chest.

Right as she hit the ground there came clang of metal against metal and you saw Brutus attacking Finnick and Peeta. Enobaria then suddenly appears and throws a knife at Finnick cutting his arm. You quickly draw a knife throwing at Enobaria cutting her shoulder.

Enobaria and Brutus start running away from the cornucopia. You, Katniss and Johanna run to follow them but as you do the island the cornucopia is located on starts spining and you all fall to the ground.

You take out a knife in one hand and stab it in to the ground to try to keep you from sliding of the island, you manage to get a good grip with your hand as well.

You hear struggling behind you and see Johanna struggling to keep a hold of Katniss’ hand, she lost her grip and Katniss fell into the raging water.

The island then stopped spining and Katniss climbed up on one of the spokes and started coughing up water. Johanna and Peeta checked that she was okay.

She was fine and your group left the island and went back to the beach, you all sat down on the beach to stratergize. Other than the group there was 3 people left in the games Chaff, Brutus and Enobaria.

They were all outnumbred so they probably won’t try to attack us. Johanna suggested that we hunt them down but then you heard a scream ”Ahhh!!! Katniss,Help me!!!” which made Katniss scream in return ”Prim!!! Prim!!!” as she ran into the jungle.

You all ran to follow her Finnick was in front you were right behind him but then you hit something almost like when you run in to a glass door, it was an invisible forcefield. ”Y/n!Are you okay?” You heard Peeta saying as you sat up.

”Yeah” you said as he helped you up. You tried to touch the forcefield, it was as solid as a brick wall. Soon Katniss and Finnick came running back with a bunch of birds following them but they couldn’t get through the forcefield and were stuck on the other side.

You had to wait an hour until the birds flow away and the forcefield disappeared. You ran over to Finnick to check on him. ”Are you okay? You asked putting a hand on his shoulder. ”Yeah, i’m fine” he said weakly.

You the heard Johanna say something about ”Riots in the damn capitol” she then yelled ”Hey! How does that sound Snow! What if we.. What if we set your backyard on fire?! You know you can’t put everybody in here!!!”. You were all looking at Johanna speechless at her open disrespect of President Snow.

”What?… they can’t hurt me, there’s no one left that i love” Johanna said and walked away to get Katniss some water. That left you feeling bad for Johanna, sure she may be a bit rude at times but she’s nowhere near as bad as some people make her out to be.

You helped Finnick stand up and your group made their way back to the beach once more. Finnick went and sat down in the shallow part of the water. You were torn whether you should go to him or not, maybe he wanted to be alone.

But then you remembered how he had been there for you during your victory tour, so you went out into the water and sat down beside him. ”Did you hear her?” You asked referring to Annie.

Finnick gave you a small nod. You didn’t know what more to say, but you didn’t need to cause Finnick started speaking ”I also heard you”. You gave him a questioning look ”Really?”

”Yeah, even though in knew you were there right infront of me, it was still torture to have to hear you screaming my name for help, I had to open my eyes just to check that you were okay” Finnick said turning his attention from the water to you. You grabbed his hand gently and said ”I’m okay, thanks to you”. You and Finnick’s heads were leaning close to eachother but then came a shout ”Finnick!” ”Y/n” it was Johanna she waved for you to come over.

You and Finnick got up and walked over to the others and the group made a plan to use the wire Beetee had gotten to hopefully electrecute the careers.

A few hours went by and the sun started to go down. You were sitting in the wet sand watching Finnick swinging around his trident lightly. Then you heard the noise of something hitting the ground near you, you turned around.

A little bit inside the jungle you saw a silver capsule, you went into the junge and got it. You opened it and knew immediately what it was. You turned to the others and yelled at them to come over. You showed them that you had gotten bread from district 1.

You gave everyone their fair share of the bread, ”District 1 is known for using cinnamon and huckleberries in their bread” you informed them though the only one who actually seemed to care what your district used in their bread was Peeta.

Then it was time to leave to go to the lightning tree and once again you were making your way through the thick jungle terrain.

Then you heard the anthem playing and you looked up in the sky to see the pictures of the fallen tributes. You felt a bit sad when you saw Cashmere up there and realised even if you got out of the arena Gloss would kill you.

But it felt worse seeing Wiress and Mags up there. They had both been very kind people and they shouldn’t have been in here in the first place. You felt something inside you almost as if it was catching fire (A/N:😉) a new hatred for the capitol.

You continued moving until you reached the lightning tree and Beetee started doing his thing and wrapping the tree with the bronze colored wire. He then told you, Katniss and Johanna to go with the spool of wire to the beach, throw it into the water and go to the tree in the 2 o’clock sector.

”I’m gonna go with them as a guard” Peeta said probably not wanting to leave Katniss. ”Nonono, your staying here to protect me… and the tree”. Beetee opposed. ”No i need to go with her” Peeta said stubbornly.

”There are two careers out there, i need two guards” Beetee said. ”Finnick can protect just fine on his own” Peeta said and you and Finnick gave eachother a knowing look. Then Katniss butted in saying ”Yeah, why can’t Finnick, Y/n and Johanna stay with you and Peet and I will take the chord”.

”You all agreed to keep me alive till midnight, correct?” Beetee asked in a annoyed tone. ”It’s his plan we all agreed to it” Johanna said clearly starting to get annoyed as well. ”Is there a problem here?” Finnick asked. ”Excellent question” Beetee said as you were all staring down Peeta and Katniss.

”No, there’s no problem” Katniss said in a defeated manner and walked over to Peeta and gave him a kiss. After they finished you said ”Good idea” and walked over to Finnick and kissed him, you could feel him kiss back and put his arms around your waist.

After you pulled away you said with a weak smile ”You know just incase we never see eachother again”. ”Alright, let’s go” Johanna said. You walked over to her and put an arm around her shoulder saying jokingly ”Incase your feeling left out i can give you a quick kiss too”, Johanna only rolled her eyes but let out a small chuckle.

You, Johanna and Katniss made your way to the beach once more the same way you came. After a while of walking Johanna said ”Come on, i wanna put as much distance between me and this beach as possible, frying is not how i wanna go” but then came another sound from the spool it had stopped putting out wire.

”There’s something…” Katniss said and looked in the direction the wire came from but saw nothing then something pulled the wire and cut it off. Katniss immediately threw aside the spool and pulled out an arrow but Johanna grabbed the spool and hit her over the head with it.

You were kinda lost on what to do but Johanna got you to kneel down beside her and took your combat knife and started cutting up Katniss’ arm open, then it dawned on you the arm with the tracker, the plan to get Katniss out was set into motion.

You grabbed Katniss arm so that she wouldn’t try to fight it, Johanna smeared blood on Katniss’ throat to make her look like she was dying. ”Stay down” she whispered to Katniss and sat up and threw her axe against Brutus and Enobaria who were on their way. ”Come on” Johanna said to you and you followed her as you ran with careers chasing you.

It was hard to keep up with Johanna in this terrain. You then felt a sudden sharp pain in your side and saw that you had gotten a cut that was now bleeding, you guessed that Enobaria must have thrown a knife. You looked up to see where Johanna had gone but she must not have noticed you slowing down because you couldn’t see her.

You turned around and saw that only Enobaria was on your trail now. You drew your sword just in time to deflect another knife coming your way, she drew her sword as well.

The sound of clashing swords came as she made a slash at you which you blocked. You went back and forward with her for a while slashing, stabbing, cutting but neither managed to kill the other.

Enobaria then made stab at your hand cutting it open so that blood started spilling out, you tried to fight with one hand but she easily disarmed you. You turned around and started running since there wasn’t much else you could do.

You managed to put some fair distance between you and her, not enough to get rid of her but enough so you could draw a knife and throw it at the hand she kept her sword in which caused her to drop it but that didn’t stop her as she drew a knife from her vest.

You did the same bracing yourself for her. The two of you pounced at eachother like tigers, colliding in the air and laying on the ground wrestling for dominance, she had gotten on top of you and tried to stab you but you grabbed the hand she kept her knife in and used your other hand to grab her hair.

You pulled it with all your strength and managed to roll over so that you were on top of her, you held her down and punched her across the face. She still managed to grab you and roll you over so she was on top of you again and she the showed you her fang like teeth.

She was starting to lean down probably about to rip your throat out with her bare teeth but something had distracted her, you seized your moment and noticed you were right beside a steep slope. So with all the power in your body you grabbed a hold of her and threw her off of you and down the slope.

You got up quickly and looked at what had distracted her and saw that it was a blue glowing wire pointing right up into the sky or what used to be the sky but was now just a gray dome.

Your brain put some kind of scenario together that this was part of the plan so you started making you way towards the source of the glowing wire but it was hard you were still bleeding and you were exhausted from your fight with Enobaria.

You staggerd towards the lightning tree but your body couldn’t take anymore and you collapsed, you looked up at the gray dome and saw that it was starting to fall apart. That made you smile and you thought to yourself ”Thank you, Mockingjay” and then it faded to black.

(A/N: Don’t worry you didn’t die at the end, but please give this a like or reblog it took like a lot of time write and i really tried my best, there might be some grammatical errors in there but deal with it)

[kindahoping4forever]

Handprints // Ashton Irwin

I’m not in the habit of taking requests/fic suggestions but when an anon sent me a Tiktok and said they needed to read about this scenario and Ashton... I couldn’t resist. 🤡 (And of course I’m me so I had to embellish it into a story and somehow it still ended up 3k smh) As always, my eternal love and thanks to @cal-puddies​ for listening to me talk even the simplest fic to death and just generally being my favorite person.

Warnings: Protected sex in an unestablished relationship, male and female oral sex, playfully rough sex featuring dirty talk and brief spanking

Word Count: 3510

Masterlist // Ko-Fi and New 2021 Taglist linked above

Let  me  know  what  you  think!

You’ve never considered yourself a morning person so it’s nothing short of a miracle that you wake up early. You roll over, stopping just short of the center of the bed, your body registering your unfamiliar surroundings before your mind does. You open your eyes to see a head full of long curls, a tattooed neck and a deliciously freckled back. Right.

You smile to yourself as your tired brain begins to replay the events of the night before. It was your last night in town and you took yourself to a fancy hotel bar to unwind. You’d worked hard all week fielding meetings with your bosses’ bosses but you’d finally landed the promotion; the better pay, the freedom to do the type of work you enjoy - these were all things you’d been aiming for and you couldn’t be happier. It’ll be worth the trouble of having to move out to LA.

Especially now, you think to yourself, looking at the sleeping figure next to you before shaking your head, trying to erase those kinds of thoughts from your mind. You’re getting ahead of yourself. You and Ashton had instantly hit it off, amused at being the only two lone patrons, attempting to people-watch without making it obvious - you trying to distract from how awkward you felt being alone and him nonchalantly jotting notes in his phone, a musician looking for inspiration.

You easily could’ve stayed talking to him all night, listening to his stories about the promo tour he and his band were on, him asking questions (and actually being interested in the answers) about your new job and impending move... but when the invitation to “continue the conversation” in his room led to more than just talking… you can’t say you weren’t hoping for that outcome.

You gently ease yourself out of bed, a few slight aches reminding you what a good time you had last night. You pull your phone out of your purse and check your messages. Damn. The meeting to officially sign off on the new position has been pushed up from an early dinner to a late brunch.

You locate your clothes as quietly as you can and slip into the bathroom; you’re staying across town and won’t have time to make it there and back before your appointment so you do as much damage control as you can, utilizing the swanky hotel’s generous supply of amenities.

You decide your top could use a steam and head back out to the suite in your bra and skirt, hoping to track down an iron but instead you freeze at the sight of Ashton awake, lounging in bed, sheets resting distractingly low around his waist. “Thought you’d skipped out on me,” he smirks, muscular arms flexing as he stretches, drawing your attention to the star on his right bicep that you fell asleep tracing.

You feel yourself fighting every muscle in your body to keep from crawling in bed with him, instead retrieving your makeup bag from your purse. “Of course not,” you chuckle, setting up by the mirror across from the bed. “I did just find out I have to be somewhere though.”

“Oh,” he says, surprised. Disappointed, even? You sneak a peek at him in the mirror, groaning under your breath as the sheets fall away to reveal a quick glimpse of his thick cock heavy between his legs before he pulls on a pair of shorts and walks over to you. “I was looking forward to buying you breakfast,” he admits, settling his face on your shoulder as he wraps his arms around your waist, grinning at you in the mirror.

You smile back, spinning around in his grasp and sighing as he pulls you in for a long, sensuous kiss that has you reconsidering how badly you want this promotion. “I wish I could stay,” you share, running your hand over his beard, wondering if it’s his usual style or just for the ease of being on tour. “But I have to sign before my flight so they can start fast-tracking my transfer to the LA office.” You turn back to the mirror, beginning to liberally pat powder from your compact on your face, trying to compensate for your lack of sleep.

“Fast-track… that sounds promising,” Ash comments, standing behind you again, this time pecking lightly over your bare shoulders. “How soon do you think I might see you out there?”

“Probably be there before you,” you explain, recalling the crazy schedule he shared with you. “They want me to start ASAP so they’re putting me up in a hotel until I can find a place.”

“Mmm,” is his muffled acknowledgment as his kisses travel to your neck. “Wonder if it’ll be as nice as this one.”

“Guess you’ll have to visit and find out,” you boldly tease, breath catching as his touch begins to wander down your body.

He presses into you, hands cupping your breasts over your bra and you watch as a slow smirk spreads across his face when he feels your nipples hard against the thin lace, eagerly anticipating his attention.

“I’ll have to… clearly I can’t leave you alone for too long,” he rasps, morning voice made even deeper by desire. You close your eyes and lean back against him, allowing yourself the momentary distraction. “How much time we got, baby? ...Time for a proper goodbye?”

“Some… some time… not a lot.” Your breath grows heavier as his mouth works over your neck and his fingers tease your hard buds through your bra.

You’re surprised to feel Ash pull back from you but honestly your brain is mush from everything that’s happened this week so you don’t even take the time to question it, instead you just move closer to the mirror to try making your hair look less morning after-y.

Seconds later you feel his lips again, this time leaving a trail of kisses down your back, kneeling to peck around your waistband while his fingers nimbly unzip you; he tugs your skirt down and you don’t even give a second thought to stepping out of the material once it’s pooled around your ankles. His thumbs hook inside your panties and they quickly join your skirt on the floor.

You bite your lip, waiting for his next move but Ashton redirects you, insisting, “Uh-uh, baby, you gotta keep getting ready. Can’t have you being late.” He sits back on his heels, gently rubbing up and down your legs, patiently waiting for you to resume your task.

You give him a curious look but do as he suggests. As soon as he can tell your attention has shifted, his hands start travelling higher and higher until his fingers brush along your folds; you hear him exhale as he realizes how wet you are just from all the touching and flirting.

“Guess I should tell you I’ve been thinking about a proper goodbye since I woke up next to you,” you admit, allowing him to widen your stance, shuddering as his thumb grazes over your clit. He hasn’t applied any pressure yet but you can’t believe how much the brief contact has you buzzing, how dazed your reflection already looks.

“Funny, we could’ve started on that sooner if I hadn’t woken up alone,” he jokes, nibbling along your leg.

You giggle, appreciating his wisecrack and the feeling of his scruff tickling your skin. “Trust me, if I had it my way, your wake-up call would’ve been very different.”

Ash laughs knowingly, “I’ll bet.” He goes quiet and you’re just about to see what he’s up to when suddenly you feel the scratch of his beard between your thighs. You groan as he licks up and down the length of your pussy, dragging his tongue through your folds, teasing you until he settles on your clit, lazily circling around it.

“Ashton…” You start, quickly deciding to give up on whatever you were trying to say once he sucks your clit between his lips, hands pawing at your ass and thighs, encouraging you to spread further for him. You curse under your breath, your interest in preparing for your meeting fading with every new jolt of electricity his tongue gives to your core.

He pulls back, nipping at your inner thigh. “Still doesn’t seem like you’re ready to walk out the door, baby, the clock is ticking,” he chides with faux concern. You feel him grin as he flicks his tongue over you. “Anything I can do to assist?”

You laugh at his audacity. “Oh I’ve definitely got a few ideas.”

He continues to work and you moan quietly, hips rolling over Ashton’s face without you even realizing. He lets you do your thing for a few moments and then he’s gone again before you feel two large fingers slipping inside you. You moan, this time much louder than you mean to. He curls his long digits just right and it causes you to lurch forward, bracing yourself on the mirror in front of you.

You open your eyes and take in the version of yourself staring back at you: pupils blown, lips swollen from sucking them between your teeth, a light sheen of sweat on your face as you get more and more worked up. The hand between your legs makes another expert move against your pussy and you watch your eyes roll back and your jaw drop.

“Jesus, that’s so good... fuck me,” you mumble, head dropping.

“Is that a comment or a request?” Ash quips, loudly sucking his fingers clean.

You turn around, an intoxicating surge of power and confidence flowing through you as you look down at him on the floor, hunger in his eyes, palming himself through his shorts as he gazes up at you.

“That felt so good, Ash,” you murmur, brushing his long curls off his face. “But if I’m gonna risk being late, I think we should make it worth my while and get me on your cock.” You stare into his eyes, matching his desirous energy, hand rubbing over his beard, gently wiping at the glisten of your arousal on his lips.

He stands up and suddenly you’re reminded of just how big and broad he is and you feel an immediate need to have him surrounding you; he pulls you into a heated kiss and neither of you can help but grind, grope and grab at each other. He discards your bra and sucks your tits into his mouth, tongue circling at your nipples over and over. When he comes up for air, your hand dips into his shorts, moaning at the feeling of his cock hard and leaking in your hold. You’re only able to get a few strokes in before he’s nudging your hand aside so he can pull his shorts down.

You subconsciously lick your lips as his cock eagerly springs from the material and Ashton has to laugh. “I can tell what you’re thinking but remember we’re trying to be quick here,” he teases, taking your wrist and spinning you back to your spread stance against the mirror.

You watch his reflection as he pumps at his cock while he grabs a metallic packet from the nightstand, hissing as his fingers drag over the head before he rolls the condom on. “I dunno, right now I’m about ready to straight up quit my job if it means I don’t have to wait until LA to have you in my throat again,” you say, heart pounding as he positions himself behind you.

Ash grins at you in the mirror, rutting against your ass before guiding his cock to your wetness, teasing a bit before pushing inside. “That was a highlight from last night, wasn’t it? Took me so well… any way I asked… so good, baby,” he huffs, hips setting a steady pace.

“Did plenty of asking myself if I’m not mistaken,” you reply, whining as he gives your hair a slight yank, pulling you back into a sloppy kiss.

“That’s true,” he laughs, groaning as you start moving back against him. His hands, big enough to each cover one of your cheeks, massage and pinch at your ass and you shudder when you see how enthralled he looks as he watches his cock move in and out of your pussy as you work against him.

He pinches your ass a little sharper than before and you let out a loud moan, earning a smirk and a low “shh” from him. “Think I need to ask for somethin’ like I did last night,'' you pant, wiggling your ass a bit. “Will you?”

“I was wondering,” Ashton admits, giving your ass a smack so loud it nearly drowns out the whimper it draws from you. “Good, baby?”

“More,” you choke out. He delivers a pair of flat-palm strikes to each of your cheeks, the both of you audibly reacting to how it makes you throb around him. “Fuck, Ash, yessss… So. Fucking. Good.” You try to keep your voice down, given the early hour but his cock is hitting every single spot you need and well so you’re not sure how successful you’re being.

Two more smacks to your ass and you’re leaning in to the mirror, turning to bury your face in your own bicep in an attempt to muffle your cries. Ash brushes his fingers over your hair before roughly tugging you back again, growling, “Nah, I wanna hear you, baby. Lemme know how much you’re gonna miss this cock filling you up.”

His hands come up to grab your tits, fitting over each one and squeezing tight, using the leverage to bounce you on his cock. A series of low whines pour from your throat and you hope he understands they mean that you can’t get enough of how he’s making you feel, how you’re so glad you went to that bar last night, how you can’t believe how well he can read your body despite only knowing you for 12 hours. You hope he knows because he’s fucking you so thoroughly these sounds are the best you can do.

Your breathing has become more pronounced and your fingers splayed on the mirror now appear to be clawing against the glass; Ashton notices and lets his fingers roll over your nipples before running one of his hands down your body to your clit. “Feelin’ good, baby?” He softly asks, slowing his thrusts to an almost agonizing rate as he rubs you. You nod, whimpering his name as he adds more pressure. “Tell me what you need, want you to feel so good when you cum for me.”

“Holy fuck,” you sob, throwing your head back. His fingers work your clit while the new pace of his hips is driving you absolutely mad, moving so slowly and deliberately, you can feel every inch of his cock deliciously dragging against your sensitive walls. “That. Keep doing that. Oh my god.”

He follows your direction, touching you and methodically fucking you. He leans in to kiss along your ear and when he gently bites down, that’s it for you. You gasp his name in measured huffs as you pulse around his cock; somehow you manage to pry one of your hands off of the mirror and you grab behind you, pawing at his shoulder, his arm, anything you can reach.

Ash puts his free hand on the back of yours against the mirror, interlacing your fingers and rubbing over your skin with his thumb as you tighten around him. “Oh baby, yes, that’s a good girl… feel so good cumming around me,” he praises you, voice straining, clearly trying to keep it together himself.

“Ash,” you whine, grinding against him, riding out the last waves of your orgasm. You look at him in the mirror, with pleading eyes. “Please…”

Somehow he knows what that means and he turns your head to slowly kiss you. You moan into his mouth when you feel his hand drop away from your clit, your body starting to settle. You go slack in his arms, leaning against him, closing your eyes and sighing heavily.

“You good?” He checks, amused concern in his voice.

“Oh, so fucking good,” you breathe dreamily. Suddenly a mischievous smile paints your face and you spring up from his chest. “Your turn!”

Ashton chuckles as you drop to your knees and peel the condom off of him, pumping at his cock before eagerly sliding your mouth on him.

“I’d say again you don’t have time for this but I’ll tell you right now this isn’t going to take very long,” he laughs, massaging his fingers through your hair.

You pop off to stroke him. “See? Efficient and exciting, it’s a win/win for everyone,” you grin, a shiver running down your spine as he groans watching you take him down again.

You don’t take as much of him as you did last night, thinking you probably shouldn’t risk showing up to brunch with a hoarse voice. But you bob up and down enthusiastically enough that it’s only a few moments before his grip on your hair is tightening and he’s rushing out your name.

He giggles fondly as he looks down at you sitting on your knees, mouth happily open as you stroke him. “Baby, what are you gonna do about your meeting if this gets all over you?”

You shrug. “Guess you better have good aim then, bro.”

Ashton laughs loudly until you lean in to flick your tongue on the underside of his tip. With a quickly choked out “Shit… baby…”, his cock twitches and cum starts pouring onto your tongue. You open wide, pumping his shaft and humming with pleasure as he continues spurting into your mouth.

When he’s finished, you close your lips around him, suckling at the head a few more times and he lets out a loud growl in response. “Fuckin’ hell, baby, I’m so glad you didn’t listen to me,” he mumbles.

You giggle, buzzing with satisfaction as he helps you back onto your feet. He kisses you passionately and you lose yourself in it a bit, playing with his messy curls, not ready for this to be over. He glances at the mirror as he pulls away from you and he laughs, causing you to turn in curiosity. “Looks like you’re leaving with a couple souvenirs there,” he teases, gesturing towards your reflection where two large red handprints are decorating your backside. In a quieter tone, he offers, “I hope that doesn’t hurt.”

“Well I do,” you respond suggestively, moving closer to examine his literal handiwork. “Hopefully these will have just about faded by the next time I see you… and then we can re-up.”

He groans at your comments and you can tell he’s fighting the urge to pull you in again, knowing you’ve really got to get going. You save him the trouble and kiss him yourself, tugging his bottom lip between your teeth as you separate.

“And look,” you grin, pointing behind you. “You’ve got something to remember me by too.”

Ashton steps closer to the mirror, a naughty smile spreading as he notices your two handprints smudged on the glass. “I should cancel housekeeping for the rest of my stay so I can keep your memory here with me,” he jokes.

He pecks your lips once more and then scoops your clothes up off the floor, smoothing them out as best he can before passing them to you. “Think you’ll make it on time? I can call your boss and pretend to be your bumbling driver who’s unfamiliar with the area.”

You snort, picking up your phone to check your route. “Oh.”

“Oh?”

“Oh, the meeting’s been switched to a Zoom. My new boss had to get on an earlier flight so we’re electronically signing when they land,” you say with surprise.

“Oh,” Ash agrees, moving back over to you with interest. “And your flight is…”

You bat your eyelashes at him. “Late.”

“New plan!” He announces, literally sweeping you off your feet and carrying you back to bed. “Nap. Shower. Room service. Obviously we’ll have to say goodbye again.”

“Obviously,” you concur. “Is the order of these events negotiable? I’m pretty hungry and that protein shot I just took down the throat isn’t going to last me very long.”

He cracks up, flopping on the sheets next to you. “Sequence of events is up for discussion, as long as we agree right now that calling the maid service isn’t on the docket. I was serious about keeping those handprints up.”

You nod with mock seriousness. “If we pencil in the shower after food and sleep, I might have the energy to work on a matching set for you on the shower door.”

Ashton strokes his beard, playfully considering your offer. “Might be able to deliver another pair for you as well. I’m thinking the backs of your thighs?”

“Fuck that new job, this is the obviously the best business deal I’ll be making today,” you giggle.

————-

Thank you to everyone who has signed up for the taglist, both for the support and the lovely (occasionally hilarious) feedback! If you haven’t signed up yet, the form is linked above! (If your name is crossed out, please check your blog settings, I was unable to tag you)

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[maybeweshould]

The Rolling Stones Cover exposed Harry Styles for who he really is. We all as a collective have been sold an image that I don't think is really Harry Styles. You cant stand on stage and preach one thing and walk off when the curtains are closed and go against everything you are telling fans to be.

My point:

2022: "When I’m working, I work really hard, and I think I’m really professional.

Sleeping with your boss is not professional or your boss sleeping with an employee isn't professional it causes a lot of uncomfortably within the work place, and not everyone is treated equally.

2022: Styles is not the most online person — he uses Instagram to look at plants and architecture posts, has never had the TikTok app, and calls Twitter "a shit storm of people trying to be awful to people".

The shit storm Harry is referencing to is his own doing, Harry could have squashed rumors involving old band members and the bullying that Olivia has been receiving, politely without tapping into his private life, but he hasn't and wont because he is playing both sides.

2022: "[about toxic corners of the internet and their treatment of people closest to him] That obviously doesn’t make me feel good.

Harry not once has came to the defense of any of his band members he's been romantically attached too nor his ex's such as Kendall, Taylor, Camille or Olivia the only person I have found that Harry has ever publicly defended was Caroline Flack (via twitter) So yeah I would say you do feel pretty shitty and you should.

2022: Sometimes people say, ‘You’ve only publicly been with women,’ and I don’t think I’ve publicly been with anyone. If someone takes a picture of you with someone, it doesn’t mean you’re choosing to have a public relationship or something."

Harry's relationship hasn't been private in a year in half how bold of him to even make the statement. Olivia has excessively worn Harry's merch and photographed in LA, NY, London and Italy. Olivia has made herself seen at 90% of Harry's shows, Olivia has linked herself to Harry thru social media post, by liking or sharing pictures and promos. Every time Harry or Olivia have merch drops, or promo for something there is a walk in the busiest parts of the town to be seen. Plus Harry allowed her to speak in his personal interview with Rolling Stone. There is absolutely nothing private about this relationship.

2022: "[about toxic corners of the internet and their treatment of people closest to him] That obviously doesn’t make me feel good. Other people blur the lines for you. Can you imagine going on a second date with someone and being like, ‘OK, there’s this corner of the thing, and they’re going to say this, and it’s going to be really crazy, and they’re going to be really mean, and it’s not real…. But anyway, what do you want to eat? It’s obviously a difficult feeling to feel like being close to me means you’re at the ransom of a corner of Twitter or something. I just wanted to sing. I didn’t want to get into it if I was going to hurt people like that."

1. If you don't want people to comment or hold the people you associate with accountable for there toxic behavior then keep your private life PRIVATE, there are tons of celebrities that have stayed private for years, it can be done if you chose to do so, Harry has not nor has Olivia kept any part of there relationship private, so much that now a very public custody battle is in plain view for everyone to speculate on.

2. If Harry doesn't want fans calling out the toxic people he surround's himself with then word of advice “ STOP SURROUNDING YOURSELF WITH SHITTY PEOPLE, People who have horrible connections within the industry linked to pedophiles, rapist, domestic abusers, or who make questionable comments on there own personal social media accounts and personal interviews.

In closing I don't agree with the on-line bullying, or body shaming someone's appearance, but calling someone out with facts about there toxic behavior is necessary..

Harry's fans are not 13-16 years old anymore they are adults who grew up with him, who pay attention, and see the red flags, Harry is insulting there intelligence by feeding these magazines bullshit and the fans see right through it. The back lash Harry is getting he rightfully deserves. Don't gaslight your fans, don't treat them like cash cows, and don't feed them bullshit in interviews. Fans need to stop treating him like a 16 year old boy. Fans need to stop defending bad behavior.

one last thing, stop with the conspiracy theories. Unless you work in the industry and understand how contracts work stop with the excuses of him being forced, Harry is very much in control of his career who he associates with and the career moves he makes is 100% all him.

.

[pop-punklouis]

when you say that boyband’s work on a shelf-life and theyre thought of as a cash crop what do you mean? that they’re only an object to the industry?

i mean, let’s break it down. boybands, more times than not, are curated by someone else. it isn’t exactly the boys that come together, find each other, and then start a career. usually, a higher up will pluck 4-5 boys from the crowd and put them in a group together expecting them to be puppets to their success. from the beginning, a boyband is fundamentally under the thumb of the industry due to their origins. then, of course, you have the image branding. these boys, at a young age, are given labels to be to sell records and garner favorites from the fans— which in turn gives more reason to sell more individual product with a certain boy on them. the boys will go through image training/publicity training, and besides putting on a character depending on their branding (zayn malik literally talked about how he couldn’t even really grow a beard in the band), they’re also walking on eggshells to present to the media in a way that is not only broad enough for most of the GP to favor them, but also to give just enough personality away that most of what one knows about them is either created in a boardroom or acts as surface level for fans to push their own attitudes onto them without compromising this carefully patched together image. this doesn’t mean these boys aren’t genuine in how they perform, but there is a lot of tightening of screws and pushing into molds at a young age that can fuck with them when carried out for long periods of time. it’s like appearing as yourself but mimicking someone else’s idea of who you ought to be. it’s the alien impersonator. it makes me think of NSYNC’s music video where they were all puppets on a string, being controlled by the omniscient puppet master. do i think that visual was pointed in makeup? not necessarily, but it is a good reference point for how i’m sure many boybands feel throughout their lifespan

then, you get into the lucrative amount of $$$ people are making off these groups. the global merchandise. the touring. the albums pumped out every 12 months. the chosen teams that surround the boys to keep them on track and keep them feeding into the machine as long as their contract permits. when the $$ begins raking in, that’s what the label begins to view you as. your expectation revolves around their bank accounts, and the more $$ you generate, the harder it is to have freedom and orchestrate a life outside of the spotlight that isn’t predominantly cast in the form of making more $$ for these companies. and these companies know that the pop-sphere only has a general attention span of 5-6 years before a revolving door of new talent comes in, so they’re even heavier handed with how they pump the content out knowing the shelf-life is waning, and there’s only a specific area of time they can milk them for what they are— using it as a justification for dehumanizing a group to line their own pockets.

and god forbid one of them tries to “mess” with that money. even if the intention isn’t malicious. take for example, Brian Littrell from the Backstreet Boys or Niall Horan. Brian had to get open heart surgery, and they pushed him back into a worldwide tour and promo cycle almost straight after. Niall Horan has had knee surgeries that were prolonged for long enough until they were mandatory and he was on crutches during promo stints. their health and well-being is on the back burner if it compromises their ability to be a cash crop. their agency is stripped to be objects to an industry who looks at them and instantly sees wealth. they walk in a room not as individual people but as a well-oiled machine, which can mess with how you think people view you outside of the group. “would these people speak with me if i wasn’t apart of this?” “would i be able to get into the studio with certain producers/song writers if i was on my own?” “would i have the same opportunities without this goliath presence on my back?” “will i always have that part of my life carried on my back, unable to pick apart if my own talents or my past talents is what’s given me the success i have now?” “is this image the only thing people see and use me for when i walk in a room now?” “what is success if it isn’t the success i had in the band?” a lot of identity issues are created in this isolated bubble, and it’s no wonder why any member of a boyband has insecurities and doubts when they leave that model, not knowing who they are or what they represent.

and finally, you have to take into consideration how tightly controlled their entire life is beyond just promo or images. their schedules are blocked months if not years in advance, not being able to have personal freedom unless it works around things that have already been confirmed for the group (i mean let’s example girl group little mix here. two of them were afraid of becoming pregnant when they did bc their schedules are confirmed ages in advance, and they thought they’d be scolded for it). their agency is gone. their independence is gone. their freedom of just existing is gone. they exist in relation to the label and their “handlers.” they have lives, and they can do things, but many of those things have to be worked through the system and approved. think about how isolating the 1D bubble was. almost none of them had gaggles of famous friends that weren’t also there to sell a certain image of the group. they were contained for most of their youth to just those five boys. from 16+, their teen years and growth into adulthood was centered around this bubble mentality. they were stunted, and you can see the affects of that even now— years later.

so, i don’t blame these groups for taking indefinite breaks or disbanding altogether. that environment is toxic and erasing and superficial. it’s harmful. and i think it’s important to know this. because there’s no foul in loving boybands/girl groups and who they are, what their music sounds like, and what they represent to you. they’re a special type of celebrity that many connect with in different ways than they do individual artists. in ways, who they showed to you was genuine and loving and their friendships within the band cannot be faked. most times, they only have each other through the chaos of fame so they rely on themselves and their fans every night as their support beams so, don’t feel guilty or shameful for liking a band and supporting a band as you weren’t the ones who created this for them— it’s the age-old history of how the boyband model operates and tbh until it “breaks” i unfortunately don’t believe it’ll be fixed.

[theonewiththefanfics]

Heartbreak For A Gift (Part 1/?)

Synopsis: Sometimes relationships start off like love stories in books. And sometimes they fall apart in a minute.

(Kind of an AU! I guess??)

Pairing: Harry Styles x fem!Reader

Genre: angst bruh

Warnings: swearing, sadness, angst, but nothing else that I can remember. Minimal editing

Word count: 2547

A/N: Please note I don’t know what the situation is between Harry and Olivia, if it’s a stunt or they’re actually dating. Whatever the case do not harass them. This is fiction and only for the purposes of the story. If they’re actually together - GOOD FOR THEM!!! No one is entitled to other people’s private lives!

Can be read as a one-shot if ya want, but I might turn this into a very small series cause I already have ideas as to where to go further with this, so hit me up if that’s what you’d like :)

If you know you’re a part of my tag list and see you’ve been crossed out, it means I can’t tag you for whatever reason. If you still would like to be a part of my tags please message me with your previous username and updated so I can update my lists :)

When she’d first said yes to going out with Harry, she’d had zero ideas as to who he really was. Well, that was a lie, she obviously knew of him, it’s not like she completely lived under a rock, and she’d seen a couple of his interviews, but 'One Direction' or Harry Styles as a solo artist hadn’t been that big of parts of her life, so she didn’t really care much for it.        They’d met at a bookstore on a sunny day in London. That’d been a good day. Her boss had let her go home a bit earlier than usual, the weather was warm, but not it’s-so-warm-I’m-sweating-my-ass-off kind of warm, sunglasses covering her eyes and hair free as the warm summer winds blew through her locks she was walking beside the Thames on her way inside the heart of the city.        Because she had a little bit more free time, she decided to pop into Waterstones, which was generally not a good idea for Y/N to do if she had things in store for the day; this time she could spend the rest of the evening if she wanted to, browsing books and living her best life.        Surprisingly for London, that particular Waterstones, even though it was in a densely populated area, was pretty empty, so Y/N felt free to skim through the options without having to press through a crowd of people to find the next section.        As she scanned what the shelves of New-Adult fiction offered, a man also came to look at the books. He stayed a bit further away, but he was certainly someone who caught people’s attention with the bright green daisy-print covered T-shirt, chequered shorts and the three scrunchies on his wrist.        The thing was as much as he’d grabbed Y/N's attention, she was more interested in the Waterstones exclusive edition of a book she’d been dying to buy, so when she saw it just sitting on the shelf, a small gasp escaped her lips.        Two eyes were immediately on her, and Y/N could feel them slip back onto her form from time to time as she greedily paged through the book, but she couldn’t say her own Y/E/C eyes didn’t flit over to the man as well.        He had a small bun on the top of his head, curly hair pushed away from the face, cheekbones for days, which were shaved and smooth and perfectly groomed brows arching over what seemed to be green orbs which were looking at the spine of a crime book way too intensely for it to be genuine interest. All in all, his side profile would be that of one of the characters Y/N’d simp over in a book, let alone the nails painted all colours of the rainbow which made her happy because nothing was better to see someone sticking it to the patriarchy.        But their little meet-cute was interrupted as an employee apologised while he tried to squeeze past them with a giant cart filled with new release books, and almost like a lost puppy, she started to follow the stacks of books when a hand on her shoulder made her spin around only to be faced with the man. She instantly recognised his face, but, at the same time, couldn’t really pinpoint what it was about him that was so familiar.

       “Sorry,” he said in a rough voice. “But you left this behind.”        And in his hands was the Waterstones exclusive.        Y/N’s eyes widened as she gingerly took it from him. “Oh my god, thank you! I’ve got no idea how I let it out of my fingers.”        He chuckled, motioning with his chin to the employee disappearing by the corner. “I’d say you got distracted.”        “Yeah, a little.” She bit her lip and drummed her nails against the cover of the book. “Well, uh… thank you. For not grabbing it for yourself.”        But he just lifted his hand. “More of a Murakami kind of a man.”        “Yes, well, I,” she nodded towards the book in her own hand, “like to read about people living out my dreams.”        He raised his eyebrow. “It’s a murder mystery.”        “Your point?”        “Would you say I have issues then if I wanted to ask you out on a date?”        Y/N’s heart stuttered in her chest, but he looked so nervous, so genuinely open and almost scared, she couldn’t feel any ill intentions from him, so she tapped her chin a bit as if contemplating before saying, “No. I’d say you have good taste actually.’        The relieved laugh he let out made him seem even prettier than Y/N already thought he was.        He extended his palm towards her, swaying on the balls of his feet a bit. “ ‘M Harry. Would probably be proper to know my name before we go anywhere further.”        “Y/N.” She smiled and clasped his hand in hers. “And it would probably be proper to know I was kidding about the whole ‘watching others live out my dreams’. People living out my dreams are actually in the books having hot sex with Fae.”        His laughter was loud and sudden, making Y/N duck down like she was in her Uni library and the librarians would come and shush them. But now, almost two years later since they’d first met, there was no sign of those butterflies she’d felt in the middle of the thriller section of Waterstones. Now Y/N was sitting by a large table, body slowly numbing as was her mind to keep the pain from her heart spreading. Whatever Jeff was talking about now, she didn’t hear. There were eyes on her, had to be to gauge her reaction, but they wouldn’t get anything more than slightly parted lips and a blank stare turned towards the marbled top.        She knew Harry was nervous; from her peripheral vision, she saw his thumb scraping at the rest of his nail lacquer, chips of pastel yellow and green polish flaking off and floating to the carpeted floor.        Y/N didn’t like LA. She’d never wanted to go there. Maybe as a tourist for a couple of weeks sometime down the line, but because of Harry and his commitment to ‘Don’t Worry, Darling’ and because he’d basically pleaded with her for days on end, she’d agreed to move there with him for the time he was shooting the movie.        It’s not that the city wasn’t beautiful. The sun, the sea, the greenery surrounding her was absolutely breath-taking, but it was the people that she didn’t really mesh with. Sure, she knew dating Harry came with a lot of what LA’s society was like. The need to look absolutely physically perfect to match the unachievable barbie standard, the fake niceness people usually exhibited just to get something for themselves or possibly raise them higher on the popularity scale, but Harry had always wiped away those doubts. But now all of that seemed like one big lie. He’d told her he didn’t care for any of it, not when it concerned Y/N nor when it concerned himself. But the contract in front of them said something different.        A hand touched her back. “Y/N?” Harry’s voice was tentative, wavering at the end of her name.        For the first time since the proposal had been thrown out, she lifted her eyes to look around at the people in the room.        Harry, Jeff, both their attorneys and Olivia Wilde and her attorney. The other woman, once their gazes met, immediately looked away. Y/N wanted to scoff at that.        “What…” Harry gulped, brushing a hand across her back. She’d never flinched away from him, but this time she did. Harry visibly shrunk in his seat and pulled back. “What do you think?”        What did she think? Well, she was thinking a lot of things, and the urge to say all of them was immense, but instead Y/N bit down on her tongue, reaching for the legal papers in front of her and skimmed through them.        She’d read each and every word as they’d been read out loud by the attorney, and every letter had been burned into her brain now. There was no way to get them out from her mind, and they’d haunt her forever.        “The fact that you’re asking me what I think of it already means you’re considering this.” Surprisingly enough, her voice was steady even though she was on the verge of collapsing after everything. “So, I’ll make this really easy for you – do it. Because, from now on, you’re a single man and you can do whatever the fuck you want.”        Harry’s face paled immediately at her words, hand moving to grasp Y/N’s, but they were in a tight ball in her lap, not moving an inch at his touch.        “Y/N, please.” Olivia was the one reaching out now, a pained and terrified look on her face, but the girl just stood up from her chair and went to the coat rack taking her coat and the bag that was discarded by it.        “No, you asked what I thought.” Tears had started to form in her eyes while she shrugged on her jacket. “This is what I think. If you even for a second assumed I’d be alright with this shitty stunt, Harry, then through the last two years we've spent together, you’ve learned nothing about me, and to me, it means it’s not worth it.”        Harry was now standing, desperate to touch her face, but Y/N once again pulled away.         “You two,” Y/N said pointing between Olivia and Harry, their faces twins of fear and regret. “Have never needed publicity. Not like this, so don’t try and bullshit me that this will make great promo for the movie. There are so many other ways you could drum up interest, but this…” She let out an unamused chuckle. “How could you think I’d be okay with you pretending to be in a relationship with someone else?”        “No, please… just hear us out. You don’t know what it’s like.” Harry tried to plead, hands in his hair, but it was the wrong thing to say, as she took a step back, eyes wide in disbelief.          But Y/N was calm, and with how rigid Harry became he knew he’d fucked up more than before.        “I don’t understand?" she breathed. “The number of things and events I’ve said ‘no’ to… the…” Her voice was as still as the sea before a storm as she took in a deep breath and exhaled. “Harry wants Y/N there for the opening of his tour, so Y/N drops everything and flies out even though she misses a presentation that could have her up for a promotion. Harry doesn’t want to be seen walking inside a club with someone, so Y/N goes to the back entrance to save his face. Harry is tired and just wants to sleep, so Y/N passes on her friends’ birthdays because he wants cuddles. What Harry wants, Y/N does. And I did. I did all that happily while keeping our relationship private while snaking in and out through back doors like I was some dirty secret of yours just so you could keep the illusion you’re single…” Y/N shook her head. “I think I understand very well… But now… it’s my turn, my time to ask of you something.”        “Anything,” he pleaded, probably thinking that Y/N was going to ask him not to go with Jeff’s stunt, and he’d gladly tell them all to fuck off if it meant her staying. “I’ll do anything.”        “Let me go.”        If Harry’s heart hadn’t been in his chest you would’ve been able to hear it break as it smashed against the floor.        “Let me go,” she repeated. “And don’t come after me. Because I won’t take any part in this.”        “But –,” he was choking on his words. “But I don’t want to. I love you; I can’t just let you walk away like that. I won’t do it, none of this is worth it.”        “And I didn’t want to do a lot of things, especially sit in a meeting on Valentine’s day where my boyfriend was talking about faking a relationship to promote a fucking movie, but here we are.”        This time when he reached out to cup her cheek, Y/N let him. “Please. I swear I won’t do it, just please let’s talk about this. Don’t give up on me.”        But she was unwavering. “For the rest of our relationship, however long that might’ve been, I would’ve wondered if you hated me if you despised me for not agreeing to go with it if the movie didn’t do as well as your management predicts it will with this. And I won’t have that. I won’t be in a relationship where every second will be spent in doubt that I’m stifling your career and you could potentially resent me.”        “I could never hate you.”        “Yeah.” She let out a sob. “You actually claim to love me but would be willing to put me through that kind of fuckery, so something has to be a lie.”        Without looking at anyone else in the office, Y/N stepped away from the man who once made her feel like she could conquer the top of the world and opened the door, but didn’t even manage to take a step outside when the voice of the person she never wanted to hear from called after her, and although Y/N had been calm and collected, she snapped at him. “Oh, don’t worry, Jeff,” she snarled. “It’s not like I can talk about anything that happened here. You made sure of it. Smart move, by the way, I’d say you should continue it. NDAs right before any meeting… I guess that’s how you keep your clients' careers spotless, so your stunt won’t be exposed.”        The way she whipped around to move towards the door would’ve given her whiplash, if not for Harry standing in front of her, arms weaving around to keep her in place.        “I’m sorry." He was verging on hysterics. "Please just… please Y/N don’t…”        It seemed like he no longer even understood what he was pleading for. For Y/N to not break up? To not leave the room? LA? All he knew was that if he let her walk out of the door, he’d never see her again, and she’d make sure of it.        “No, Harry, I think I actually will, because the thought of being in the same city as you, is going to make me throw up right now,” Y/N said eyes not daring to meet his, because if she did, she'd break and her resolve would dissipate. “Besides, you have loads of things to talk about. By the time you get back, I’ll have my stuff out of the hotel. And Jeff?”        His manager looked sheepish as she glanced at Y/N.        “The least you owe me is a ticket back home. The first flight you can find.”        He didn’t answer, just nodded. She didn't deign to thank him.        “Happy fucking Valentines to you two.” She looked at Olivia and Harry, who was breaking apart at the seams, but no longer could she find it in herself to care. He didn’t care enough about her anyway. “Hope you have a very happy relationship.”

Tags (crossed out wouldn’t take):

Harry Styles tags: @sarcasticallywitty15​ @breezykpop​ @girlboss99​ @harrystylesdoesntknowiexist​ @alliyjane​ @sirtommyholland​ @raylovessarcasm

Everything tags: @lumelgy @palaiasaurus64 @supernaturalbaesduh @breezy1415 @crazy--me @thatawkwardlittlefangirl @sea040561 @staryeyedgirl @deathbyarabbit @s-c-a-r-e-d-po-t-t-e-r @reblogger-not-a-blogger @m-a-t-91 @dalilx @i-need-a-hero-i-need-a-loki @maladaptive-ninja-returns @averyrogers83 @in-the-end-im-still-trash @gallifreyansass @dewy-biitch @avxgers @unlikelygalaxygiver @magicwithaknife @ollyoxenfrees @bnhvrdy @tvwhoresblog @celebsimagines @thatkindofgurl​ @sj-thefan​ @teenwolflover28 @lestersglitterglue​ @im-squished​

A/N: I’m (kinda?) back? I guess. I dunno. I’m in this weird place where I’m writing my books and then I get inspo for fics and I start writing them, but can’t seem to finish them so I dunno :D

P.S. what did ya think?

P.S.S. please don’t repost my works on other platforms (Wattpad Ao3 etc without specific written permission)

P.S.S.S. my tags are always open :)

[applesfallingfromblondehair]

OF COURSE the lack of Taron or ”the erasure” some of you call it makes sense. It’s the most sensible thing to do. I’m sorry to Taron but he was basically there for the 3 month (?) rehearsal, about 3 shows and 3 TV promos. It is far more important to SHOW UP WHEN NEEDED than being there from the beginning. I mean, I’m a big fan of him, but it’s not like he proved to be a big box office pull that they sold out when he was still on board. The production actually benefitted that there were still tickets left, so they can sell them at much higher price after Bridgerton S2 premiered. Anyway, I know some are still let down by Taron. I know I kind of am. But he moved on. And despite all the mess, the play was still well-received, and even a Hollywood trade mag like Variety knows it’s a smash hit (per their recent Jonny feature). For Taron, pace yourself. Just don’t bite off more than you can chew, dude.

Alright, first of all: calm down, dude.

Secondly, you're not saying anything that we haven't already said before, in some form or other. Yes, he let everyone (probably himself, too) down, and no, the production of Cock did not handle that well at all. The fact that Bridgerton 2 happened when it happened and that Jonny is a seasoned theatre professional was a gigantic stroke of luck for everyone involved, nothing more. And the poor man ended up carrying the whole thing on his back, Atlas-style—which he did a commendable job of, but idk, if I'd been Marianne I would have maybe tried to avoid burning my main guy out. Perhaps. Idk, seems like a good idea, but I'm not the big shot Tony nominated director, here, so how would I know.

ANYWAY my point being that the TIME magazine Next Generation Leaders thing (I assume that's what you meant) is 100% Bridgerton related, so no, I can't say I believe that this specific production of Cock will go down in history, unfortunately. It's a shame, too: the content of the play is extremely important and starts and fuels a conversation that is so so relevant for so many people right now. And yet, the whole aura of odd negativity and disorganisation surrounding it will probably be the thing that most people will most easily remember about it.

For my part, I know I watched a show featuring an incredible lead and a mediocre-to-acceptable understudy in one of the secondary (but still very central) roles. He wasn't there for most of it, so it's only fair he doesn't get credit for anything he's done, but one can't deny that Taron would definitely have been the sprinkling of platinum on the top of that play that it would have needed to go down in history. I say this as a biased, adoring fan, but as an incredibly disappointed one, too.

[pa-anonoverflow]

putting everything aside like her being his boss, the unprofessional way they invited paparazzi on that wedding out while they were still filming, cheating together on Jason and the kids who went to set, and all the rest.

what really upsets me is the number of times she leaves her children to come to him. this is something I can make no excuse for in any way. not after a year and a half f this! and I certainly can not in any form make any excuses for Harry, whatever is between them he is MORE than aware o how she leaves her 5 and7-year-old to follow him around and he does not give a fuck!

This alone tells me all about his character or lack of it for that matter! I will say that I hope it is real and that they will be together for years because they are both horrible and I wouldn't wish people like them for anyone. I am always surprised when I read his fans write about how he deserves someone great and lovely, they ask tarot readers for signs of this lover to come into his life! like why is it so hard to understand this dude is under no pressure or force he is horrible himself and he chooses to surround himself with likeminded people! the spell he has done to have them so blind is truly powerful

That is why this angers me instead of just being a laugh. Kids are innocent and we all as a society, as adults, as human beings, should want to protect ANY child. It doesn’t have to be our child to want good things for an innocent kid. I think it’s really sick how people are screaming they’re not his kids! He still has an impact on their life whether they are his or not and to be so flippant about it says something about the fan saying that!

At this point I’m getting a lot of people in my inbox going I don’t get it why is he doing this? For money and attention, that’s why Harry does anything, that’s his job that is part of it, but he is also extremely driven by money and fame. You’re confused because you’re not allowing yourself to admit that he’s not what he markets himself as! The truth is right there, real or fake (DO NOT SEND ME ASKS ABOUT WHAT I THINK IT iS I WILL SCREAM) Harry is a willing participant and that is INFORMING you on what kind of person he is and people do NOT like it. So they’re trying to say it’s confusing or he’s pussy whipped or whatever. If he is sleeping with her (which I don’t get those vibes but no one can say for sure), he doesnt seem pussy whipped or in love, it seems convenient…so the answer is still he is doing it for money and for fame. Look at his stats this year and tell me it hasn’t worked for him! They may not be a beloved couple but they are talked about constantly and that IS how it is working. Harry is promo lazy and he is getting so much buzz from it without doing much.

[daydreamrry]

Hi! Just wanted to say that I love your blog soo much!

I came here because you are all so smart, and knew a lot about how this industry works, and it helped me a lot.

But I'm not very excited anymore:

- Itw for ATW: saying the same things. I thought it would have changed, but no. (I watch every itw btw)

- probably gonna do the same itw as usual, the same person for Harry's house

- Eroda keeps going but with the same promo (accounts), they could have changed and be more creative. (Trailer for a short movie for egg)

- Azoff or not, his management is doing shit with the fan, not his career as we can see. But the fans are part and the reason why he's there too.

- Communication with his fans is shit too

- the people he surrounds himself "tell me who you hang with/friends are, and I'll tell you who you are"

- Rumors: the last one + hook-ups

- the fandom is so divided: dumb ones, shippers, GF harries, larries, and the smart ones who are slowly leaving

I think I put too much energy into thinking we were all going to help and "save" Harry. But:

When someone is living a hard time, we can support them, giving them advice, but the only person who can save them is themselves.

I've always been in this pattern, trying to save people, and it's not good for my mental health. The best thing I can do is try to apply the thing I would like Harry + his team to do, to myself.

Sorry, I needed to say this, probably a lot will agree with some of my points. Guys, if you feel you need to take some time, dw, you can! :)

I'll probably gonna take some time off. But, I'll pop up sometimes.

Love you all!

i love you more 💛 i'm glad that you shared your thoughts and feelings with us! i totally understand where you are coming from and completely support your decision! this fandom is very draining and toxic especially with everything that has been going on. the best thing that you can do is take a step back, focus on yourself, your mental health, and do whatever it is that you need to do! take all the time that you need 🥰

[lashton-is-my-drug]

March 6, 2022 - Interview with Italian show “Radio Kiss Kiss”, when the boys are asked about their favorite actor Ashton says “Tilda Swinton is my hero”.

This is interesting because she has done many LGBT films, her general look is very androgynous, and February 14, 2021 during an interview she did with Vogue Magazine she came out as queer, and says she has surrounded herself with a “queer circus” of people. During the AIDS crisis, she attended many friends funerals.

At first Ash is unsure if to say it and suggests “Tilda Swinton?” softy towards Cal,

then Cal says “she’s good”,

then Ash says “Tilda Swinton is my hero”.

Ash’s answer was in the video interview but wasn’t put into the written version, for some reason. Could just be an oversight (possibly due to language barrier?) or it could be on purpose, I’m unsure.

During Ash’s promo interviews for his solo album “Superbloom”, he spoke about being influenced by androgynous artists.

The following is a very personal in-depth interview Ash gave for musicfeeds. I urge everyone to go read the full thing. (Link at end of post)

Ashton co-directed the 5sos music video for “Valentine” with Andy Deluca (the band’s photographer). On the Capitol Records’ article, Ash had the following statement about exploring the androgyny and femininity of lead singer, Luke Hemmings. Find yourself someone supportive like an Ashton ❤️

“Collaboration has always been one of the key most important things about 5 Seconds Of Summer since day one and co-directing the video with Andy was an incredible and very fluid experience,” Irwin said in a statement. “There are a few things we wanted to capture; the androgyny and the feminine element of the way Luke performs as well as the dark romance of the song. This video is us taking something into our own hands and attempting to be a part of every single detail of what we create.”

Links to articles:

Tilda Swinton for Vogue

Tilda Swinton for Pink News

5sos interview with Italian “Kiss Kiss Radio”

Ashton Irwin for musicfeeds

Ashton Irwin’s statement on Capitol Records site for “Valentine” video

[shesawriter39049]

|PRIVATE SHOW|M|

Pairing: Taehyung X Reader

SMUT/LIGHT ANGST

About-Just a casual lunch outing where Tae’s trying to do his job and your trying to get him off under the table with your shoe...nothing new!

OR- Tae and yourself are grabbing lunch at 71 Above, after checking out the last couple of venues for the company's end of the year Holiday party. While at said restaurant, it becomes a humbling reminder that the most important people in your life are essentially a secret...cute!

WC:5k

WARNINGS: Public sex -ish( A foot-job under the table) dirty talk, teasing, light edging, frontage (kinda), overstimulation, Tae comes in his YSL leather pants, mentions of Oral (Male receiving), Tae is somewhat submissive, whilst also being a little shit. “Baby boy/Good boy” Kink

DNA Era Tae meets 2020 Tae

Tae is her baby and also her Executive Assistant

He just wants to hold her hand tbh

NOTE: This is a stand alone smut drabble within my OT7 poly universe called “7 DEEP”. Short AU SUMMARY: Your husband Namjoon and yourself run a successful Adult Film Entertainment Company called “Onyx” with your 5 best friends from college who you also happen to be in an open relationship with! P.S. If you’re new here Kookie joins the party a little later….

_________________________________________________________

“So” Musing over your cocktail glass “Thoughts on the last place?”

Eyeing the man sitting across from you intently who’s clearly in the holiday spirit. Dressed in a deep red silk button-down, apparently, he’s taken a page out of Jimin’s book considering it’s barely buttoned, to begin with! Honestly, he’d be better off not even wearing one at all at this rate.

Smoky silver locks messily styled out of his face showcasing those bushy yet sculpted brows of his. One of your favorite past times has become watching Tae become more confident as he grows into himself. No longer finding the need to hide behind his long shaggy bangs, though you can’t; lie, you do kinda miss him looking like the puppy he truly is deep down. However this, version of Tae just hits different, your baby boy looks like a whole ass man and you’ll never get over it!

God the things you endlessly wanna do to him…..even after all these years....

You watch Tae sigh almost miserably over a mouthful of lobster mac which seems completely out of place considering the way the dish in question smells…“Honestly?”

Offering a curt nod, encouraging him to continue as you welcome yourself to his plate! The amount of cheese that’s trickling from your fork is actually disrespectful!

“It was cute, I liked how big the lot is, and more importantly how spaced out the spots are! You know how rich people get about people being too close to the damn cars!” Rolling his eyes as if he in he’s excluded from that category and you can’t help but scoff.

“Tae you technically are one of those people at this point. Just like...yesterday actually, you almost ripped Jackson’s balls off for bumping into your rearview mirror but carry on.” Flicking your fork in his direction, ignoring the sharp glare he sent your way in the process.

This time around I think both of his eyes managed to roll in different directions, again, Jimin’s wearing off on him! “Anyway, yeah, I don’t know, I liked the space, the exposed brick beams in the ceiling was cool. Kinda gave it a homey vibe which is fitting….”

You could hear it hanging off his tongue, he sounds very, “meh” about it, so you opt fil in the blank. “Butttt??”

“Butttt, I -It felt like...like I was forcing myself to like it…” Slouching down into his seat, features a little uneasy, as if him not liking the venue was a direct insult to the owner personally! You on the other hand you let out a bated breath that you weren’t even aware was being held, eyes wide shining with relief.

“Oh thank fuck” Hand slamming down absently along the table, “I thought it was just me, and I felt like such an ass too because-”

“They were so sweet” Came in unison, both of you almost cooing as you said it! Hands placed dramatically over your heart as you reclined against your chair.

“So sweet,” Tae parroted in a light pout,”I mean they were literally wearing matching loafers Y/n. Matching” Idly jading a fork into his side salad in a way that’s borderline concerning actually, a tad bit aggressive over there!

” But it just-I don’t know, I guess will always think like those broke college kids at heart” Flashing you a brief glowing smile that you can’t help but return, humming in agreeance.

“Which isn’t a bad thing, per say, the mentality definitely keeps us humbled! But there’s time and place for that attitude and honestly I just wasn’t feelin it! At least not in comparison to the others we’ve seen, it wasn’t fighting the vibe were going for. Regardless of how good the offer is” Shrugging over another mouth full of food and you there’s not much else for you to say because that was your consensus exactly.

Basically, once the two of you showed up, the cute little husband and wife duo offered you a deal which would essentially consist of them renting you the space for next to nothing. In exchange, they’d want you to post a couple of ads via your company and personal social media accounts as promo. Your initial thought outside of just thinking they were utterly adorable was how much money you’d save...but as Tae said, thankfully that’s not really a concern anymore, if you wanted you can get it!

Easily…discounts and barters aside, just a flick of the wrist and it’s yours!

“True, also can we just take a moment to talk about how aesthetically pleasing the Valentine was though?” Tossing your head back with a dramatic groan “I mean fuck you already know the way I feel about industrial spaces, the high, glass ceiling, all the greenery..” Eyes rolling to the back of your head with a slight moan…as you envision the space. Especially how moody and sexy the overall venue would look with thousands of lights cascading from the glass ceilings.

Clearly the venue was doing ....a lot for you right now!

Brow cocked at the blatant...enthusiasm surrounding the location in question “Mmm, well that’s something...interesting to add to the kink list, just when I thought I’d explored every avenue, but apparently not.” Voice low, teasing, head cocked to the side, a shit eating grin plastered along his lips, as he swirls his tongue along the tip of his straw in a way that’s……

“ I guess we’re adding “industrial spaces” to the list. Noted.” Smirking around his drink like the little shit he is!

Right, you may or may not have crossed your legs at the sudden drawl laced within his delivery but not before, kicking his shin with the tip of your heel, “You little shit” Rolling your eyes at the way he dramatically rubs the side of his leg, hitting you with straight puppy dog eyes as he pouts over at you as if you actually caused serious damage!.

Leaning forward a little so you don't have to try as hard to whisper, the notion has your breast essentially sitting on top of the table. Not that they weren’t already on full display in your dress or anything. Hand slipping beneath the table, landing on his kneecap. “What? Suddenly you don’t like a little pain?” Tone blatantly teasing whilst ghosting your nails agonizingly slow up his inner thigh, and his entire body goes rigid at the sensation. Tae’s always been extremely...

“God, your still so sensetive....” You weren’t intending for that to come out in the form of a moan but considering the one that fell from his lips in return...you ain’t mad about it! 100% dialed in to the way his eyes are fluttering, jaw tight, trying his damndest to play it cool, especially once the waitress makes eye contact silently asking if the two of you need anything. “Takes so little Hmm?”’

Flashing him a quick smile, waving her off for the time being, far too focused on another task to entertain anyone else right now!  Only stopping your ministrations once your fingers land right beneath his balls.

“This place is very well lit, I like the hue, it’s casting a good soft-light, especially the way it’s bouncing off your complexion...” Eyes cascading against the ceiling, tone casual, until your eyes drop....

“You’d look so fuckin good, coming for me right now...” The words purr off your tongue, flashing him a cheeky little wink, and poor Taehyung chokes on his martini!

“You know how much you love being watched...I could have you making a mess all over yourself and no one would even know. ” Not even trying to hide the smirk playing on your lips when you can already feel the tension in the room rise. “My own little private show...” Eyes wicked as your fingers wander a little higher, gently pressing your palm down around his dick. Rubbing tauntingly, the touch isn't enough through the thick leather, however it does instantly make his length swell in the confines of his pants! We all know this….underwear is nonexistent in Tae’s world! “Kinda brings me back to our college days...” Teeth sinking into your bottom lip at the mere memory...you getting Tae off whilst in the lecture hall full of 300 plus students. 

Regardless of the deer in headlights look flashing across his face his legs still spread apart, hips bucking forward because well as we just said...baby boy loves being watched. This however, prompts you to once again change positions, now digging your nails into the back of his thighs before letting the tips of your fingers tickle free. Coly bringing them back above surface to take another languid  sip of your drink, tossing a strand of hair over your shoulder.

Ya know, I can’t say you’re surprised by his reaction, baby boy can dish it but sure can’t take it, neck and chest flushing to rival his shirt! Banging on his sternum in an attempt to reroute the liquor burning his lungs.

“Jesus-fuc-Y/n!” You have the nerve to hum inquisitively, only this time for his sanity he humors you! “Can you like not go from asulting me to-” Looking over his shoulder before dropping his voice down to a whisper “Stroking my dick, and offering to get me off under the table, all in the span of a nanosecond!?” The plea hissed through clenched teeth but the complaint was half hearted at most! Well aware his dicks already throbbing in his pants at the thought alone! “Fuck me” Sucking in a harsh breath, as he raked his fingers through his scalp.

“Well…” Tonguing at your inner cheek, eyes fluttering away as if you were in deep thought… “In my defense you kinda started it, bringing up my kink list like I don’t own a whole ass porn company!” Propping your chin on your palm, gaze locked and loaded “Like I wasn’t thinking about tainting that sweet innocent couple by letting them watch as I dropped to my knees, letting you fuc-”

“Y/n!” He actually attempts to sound almost applauded, like he doesn’t love how absolutely filthy your mouth is. However there’s a silent little “please” playing on his tongue, no matter how threatening he tried to sound.

You giggled, straight up giggled, reclining in your seat, amused, and somewhat satisfied so you let him be, for the time being anyway. Though you may have eaten your angel hair pasta in a very obscene manner, every now and then you’d sinfully suck the noodles through your overly glossed lips! However, if he dared to clock you on it you’d just simply note that it was your way of not messing up your makeup….

The two of you finish your lunch in comfortable silence, making small talk here and there, a mixture of work and bullshit until Tae’s phone goes off with a couple text notifications.

A low hum rattling in the back of his throat as he eyes the message from Hoseok. Subconsciously Tae reaches across the table, intertwining your fingers before bringing your knuckles up to his lips. Grazing them with his lips casually as he scrolls through his phone.

“Alright  baby, so, I have a list ready, we have a couple brands that wanna work with us for the party. Seoks already narrowed it down to the ones that are actually worth discussing however-“

Honestly, it took both of you a minute to even realize what was going on, the skinship was second nature at this point. It wasn’t until his thumb grazed over your wedding band that the notion even resonated! Tae and yourself were a good two drinks in, feelin all warm and fuzzy and got caught up in the moment! Temporarily forgetting that you were in the middle of a restaurant in Downtown LA! Forgetting that the Kim currently caressing your knuckles and calling you baby is not the one you're technically married to! It may seem minor in retrospect, but you’ve always tried to stop yourselves from getting comfortable, with being comfortable in certain locations if that makes sense! You slip up one to many times and the next thing you know it happening in the office or on the red carpet!

Taehyung’s eyes grow almost comically wide, straight panic flashes over those big brown orbs of his and your heart sinks as you watch his head whip around, checking to make sure no one caught the interaction. It was almost painful how quickly he disconnected from you as his entire face dropped and no, just no!

“Hey...hey no it’s fine, it’s like 2 in the afternoon on a Tuesday! Not to mention we’re tucked in a booth in the corner ,we’re good, nobody heard or saw you…” Voice calm and quiet, trying to come off comforting, flashing him a weary smile. Reaching across the table to thumb at his palm, and it would be a lie to say you didn't also check over your shoulder before hand as well’

A dry almost bitter chuckle leaves his throat as he flinches away, tossing the fork down on his plate sliding it halfway across the table indicating he is more than done eating. Flicking the bridge of his nose with his index finger, jaw twitching, “Yeah, lucky me huh? I actually got to hold your hand for all of two seconds before we realized I’m techionally not allowed to do that unless were in fuckin I don’t know Alaska!” 

He’s agitated, and with every right to be, even if he is being a little dramatic. Thankfully he’s keeping his voice low, but you can feel how tight his throat is, the amount of grit laced within his tenor has your eyes bugging out of there socket.

“Bab- “ It was a reflex, whenever he’s upset it’s just what falls from your lips, and he gives you a look, almost as if to say “How fucking dare you” ! The level of hurt the pet name just rendered within his eyes is- 

Eyes sharp, brows furrowed “Noo, nooo, we literally just went through this. That’s not the way it works for us in this kinda setting” Flailing his arms around to reference the restaurant. “Wrong Kim” Well damn. “So it's Tae in public remember!?” Brow quirked accusingly, he’s abating this entire situation, almost like he wants you to snap, a second away from whisper yelling! “ Or maybe I should say Taehyung, hell  just use my full government while your at it. Let’s make it real impersonal, Mr. Kim maybe?” Head cocked to the side as if he’s being genuine and not a total smartass right now. 

You-he’s ...hurt, and you get that, hell you respect that, but Lunch at 71 Above is not the time or place for this conversation. You’re trying to approach this on a more rational level, however the condescending delivery is making it hard, and your only human. Eyes rolling to the back of your head before you can even catch yourself and that little gesture seems to be what officially set him off!

You can physically see the tension within his face... “I’m gonna go get some air, I might actually call a Uber or somethin,.” The words trailed off his lips low in mumbled but clear enough to be heard because that’s ultimately what he wanted to begin with. 

There was something in his eyes you couldn’t read, a combination of anger/hurt mixed another emotion you can’t quite pinpoint! But whatever it is, you fuckin hated it! Throat running painfully dry as watch him slide his chair out and even though realistically you know at max he’s headed home...Still the gesture alone is gut wrenching because you know this runs deeper than just this situation!

“Tae” His name leaves your throat as more of a warning, reaching up to take an almost possessive grip on his wrist. Fingertips landing on the edge of his Cartier bracelet, the one you're both wearing actually, same arm and all!

A deep labored breath shutters from his chest at the contact, thighs feelin like a newborn fawn, gaze hesitantly meeting yours. “Tae, baby” Daring to use the endearment again regardless of your current surroundings “Sit back down so I can order us dessert and we can discuss whatever you want...just-please” The ending whisked off your tongue so faint your almost wondering if he even heard you!

Taehyung narrows his eyes, teeth clenched, tongue nudging his inner cheek! “I’m not really in the mood for cake right now Y/n. To be honest I just wanna leave” You know he’s aiming for dry but instead he lands somewhere around defeated , which makes it even worse. You’re both well aware this is not truly about cake, it’s about his constant need to run away from shit!

Sliding your fingers down his wrist, interlocking your fingers, giving them a firm squeeze. Eyes locked with his “Then you can get whatever you want, but I need you to just be here right now, I really, really need you to sit here, and just breathe through this with me.”

He’s know what your really asking is for him not to run away for once!

A faint little “Whatever” Leaves his lips and then he’s dead silent, silent as he slides his chair out, remaining as such for what feels like hours, and it has your heart beating painfully hard against your ribcage. It’s almost like he’s not even here, eyes fixated on some random painting on the opposite side of the restaurant, chewing at his inner cheek until....

“I’m sorry…” He admits after a baited breath, stroking your palm with his thumb gently, you can see him working over his thought’s in his head before speaking. ”I can’t - fuck I never know when I’m going to get all in my feels with shit like this, sometimes it just sucks harder than others I guess” The curt little shrug that leaves his shoulders let’s you know how uncomfortable he is, Tae’s overall persona suddenly seems mounds smaller in this moment. Anxiously stroking the back of his own neck “But....I shouldn't have come at you like that! That was fucked on my behalf and for that I’m truly am sorry ! This isn't all on you, or Joon we all-”Gazing over his shoulder before continuing “There’s just- there’s a lot, we have families and it’s just, I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that, ...”

Dropping his voice a little lower “I just fuckin love you” There’s a timid smile playing on his lips “and if the offer still stands I would really fuckin like chocolate cake…”

You actually snort, that’s your first instinct because only Tae, but the plus is it lightens the mood  immensely! The sudden outburst triggers that full boxy grin to come into play and god your so damn  enamored by this man it’s actually sad. Bringing his knuckles up to your mouth, grazing them past your lips like he did yours moments prior. “I love you too, and chocolate cake sounds fuckin amazing, and liquor, we need new drinks, actually we need an entire bottle! ” You laugh and then so does Tae, suddenly your holding hands and laughing together and everything else just seems so miniscule in the moment.

~~~~~

So, here’s the thing...being a CEO of one of the top Adult film entertainment companies is not on the same level as like..I don’t know….

Owning a high-end clothing company, or being a reality star or something. Your field is praised just as highly as it is tabooed, so with that being said, it’s not like your the top topic on E-news, or on Business Digest. You still have a strong sense of normality, point blank you’re not that important. It’s not as common for outsiders to know the high rollers within the porn industry the way it is in other fields!

However there's another avenue to factor in where the 7 of you are concerned, and that’s the world of social media, and that’s a completely different world entirely! One that’s heavily intertwined in your state in particular, living playing, and working in LA….I mean let’s get real, shit not normal here, by any means!

You’re a 26-year-old wealthy CEO, that goes to work in a Ferrari, cute little bodycons, Louboutin's, and Chanel bags! Your executive assistant is Tae for fucks sake, he looks like a model his damn self , on the surface your life is an aesthetically pleasing wet dream. An influencer without even trying for the title, if your 2.7 million followers are at all telling! So in the public eye, especially when out in Downtown LA..you try to be discreet.

Just last week Jimin was hanging all over you while walking through Saks and one of your mutual followers stopped to ask for a picture. Again this isn’t a daily occurrence, you’re not comparing yourself to Rhianna, but it’s why you do move with a slight air of caution when in your city! You literally live in a place where people become famous for running into walls, nevertheless owning their own business!

The world knows you’re married to Namjoon, and to be honest there’s numerous reasons the other aspect of your dynamic stays hidden! More than just the obvious….

However there’s been rumors circulating over the years, or at least now that Hollywood’s decided you hold some relevance! Ones pertaining your your sexuality, typically the tabloids assuming it, insulating your swingers, or that Namjoon’s bi.  A Lot of these narratives circle back from your college days though, old classmates trying to slip tea to the media. Stories of when you could go to a party and it didn’t matter if you were sandwiched between Namjoon and Yoongi at the same damn time! Not to mention the dark side of social media where nothing ever truly dies, so yeah there are some questionable photos floating around. Luckily nothing recent enough to truly add fuel to the fire but you know deep down it’s only a matter of time!

One could argue it adds allure to the overall dynamic, especially considering your line of work, and maybe it wouldn’t matter if the boys were just casual thirds...but they’re not! They’re so much more than that and that’s what makes this hard, because well in laymen’s terms...people just fucking suck! So as heartbreaking as it is, where your other boys are concerned, in the public eye at least your “relationship” holds a strong air of mystery!

It’s the little things ya know? Like now for example, the fact that he could've easily gotten a foot job under the table but has to walk on eggshells about holding your hand at times! Shit just sucks sometimes, there’s no other way around it!

~~~~~~~

The two of you don’t really talk much until the dessert comes, more drinks and a bottle is in fact ordered as well! The silence felt a little more bearable this time around, busying yourselves on your phones. A very minor but significant change, is the fact that you still haven’t let go of his hand, even once the waitress returns. The simple notion has his entire dementor shifting! Fingers still tightly bound together and your chest flutters seeing the way he flushes almost bashfully at such minor PDA! Like the two of you didn’t hook up in the back of a club in London two months ago! Like you literally weren’t palming him under the table! Yet here he is blushing at openly holding your hand!

So fuckin cute!

Eventually two pieces of molten chocolate crepe cake gets brought over and holy fuck! Both moaning in unison as the pastry hits the table...

“Oh my goddd, we have to take a piece home for Jin, the like...convince him to learn how to make it!” You watch Tae’s eyes roll to the back of his head as he laces his lips around the fork! Groaning out in agreeance once the mixtures of pure sin hit his tongue.

“K...now back to , these sponsors...” Prompting over a mouth full of cake, not that you wouldn’t love to sit here and chill all day but you do have a 4pm conference call!

You watch as Tae glances down at your intertwined fingers, and his fork....realizing ones gotta go so he can pick up his phone and you physically coo back at him, melting into your set once he opts to drop the fork instead of your hand. Purposely avoiding your glance once he noticed the look on your face, nose scrunched and all!

“Right, so Uber reached out, more specifically Uber Luxxe, looking to send us 4 cars of our choice in exchange for a couple post. Spread out between IG, Twitter and Snap, I’m personally all for this one. The contract doesn’t seem excessive and I like that the post won’t feel forced! I mean realistically we were going to hire a driving service regardless! However something to also consider is our lack of filter when drinking! I mean...”Flailing his phone between the two of you as if to give an example, obviously referencing the little slip up moments prior. At least he can joke about it a little “So realistically, would we feel more comfortable with a private car service where there’s a contract involved as opposed to just some random?”

Tae just went full EA, out of nowhere and honestly ...

You blinked at him, almost dazed, fork halfway to his mouth because, what?! . “You sound so professional right now, it’s so fuckin hot.”

Tae choked on nothing but straight air before blushing profusely. “Baby-I mean-Y-“

You didn’t even flinch, continuing, unperturbed. “Nah, actually I think I’m in the mood to be baby right now!” Eying him wickedly “Your jaw just gets really tight, and your voice gets all low and raspy! It happens during meetings too, it’s really fuckin sexy! Reminds me of the way you sound when your lips are pressed into the side of my neck when we fuck.” It's just the casualness of it all, you sound like your ordering another appetizer and Tae’s about to choke on his dessert. 

The grip he has on your hand is almost painful right now, “But don’t mind me, I’m just sitting here writing out my next script in my head, carry on. What rental service did you have in mind? Or did someone already reach out as well?”

It’s the way you just went from talking about Tae, being balls deep to sponsorships all in the span of a comma! In the words of your best friend you are pure chaos.....

Tae groans  head hanging in defeat and your lips curl into a smirk, brow quirked in his direction.

“It’s the way I hate it here sometimes...” Snatching his hand away to jab his fork into the neglected pastry.

“Ah huh” You roll your eyes crossing your arms over your chest before leaning back. “Right, again let’s not act like you didin’t start this, both here and at the venue.” Leaning over the table again licking your lips “Don’t act like you weren’t eye fucking me the entire time, or the way you’d accidentally brush against me as we walked through the building. You’ve been practically begging for it all day.”

Tae just stares back at you, mind momentarily blank, stomach shifting into knots, letting the fork drop from those delicate fingers of his! Mouth opening and closing like a fish straight outta water...

“Did you think about it too? The acoustics in that place were fuckin insane, the way it would just echo through as you made me cum would just- fuck”  You continued adding that lethal little purr back into your voice! “Or even better the way you’d sound, you don’t even know how bad I wanted to drop-“

“Y/n”

“Baby.” Phrasing the word borderline as a threat “Would you have liked that baby boy?” Cocking your head to the side, tongue teasing your bottom lip “Me on my knees for you looking up at you all pretty, letting you hold my hair and fuck my throat until you came straight into my mouth?”

Speaking of mouths' your just straight fuckin-mayhem ...and it’s making Taehyung’s brain feel like it’s melting through his ears! But god should we be surprised though?

It’s never taken much with you....

You’ve always been just what he needs and a little bit more than he can take all in one! You haven’t even touched him yet and he feels a moan creeping up his throat! Especially as he watches you swirl the tip of your tongue over the whipped cream on the edge of your fork, sucking it between your overly glossed lips in the most obscene manner.

Eyes locked and loaded, a second away from drooling, “Fuck, yeah,” He stutters breath hitching on his lungs, heat coursing through his skin. Tae’s veins literally feel like they’re on fire, subtly trying to shift in his seat to readjust himself! Glancing subconsciously out of his peripheral, the restaurant still chill and half empty. The waitress on the opposite end of the room attending to another couple!

“You always look so damn good with my cock down your throat, and my cum on your tounge. God, especially when I wrap my hand around your throat and I can feel you swallowing down around my-” Your tongue’s swirling all over this damn fork, and he can feel every flick your tongue against his dick, and it’s just...fuck!  Not to mention once you accidently spilled some whipped cream on your lips, which you took your time licking off as well.  “Jesus-Fuck, Y/n!!” Taehyung’s voice is dripping with arousal, and you already know he’s leaking all over the place.

“Yeah?” Humming around the form before setting it to the side “ You like the way I look when I’m chocking on your cock?” These questions are all rhetorical, your an ass “Or how about when I get a little messy because I can’t fit it all in my mouth?” Your eyes darken, words coming out over low gasps of air, almost as if your just as aroused as he is and that’s because you are!

“Your always such a good boy for me, so helpful too holding my hair back, guiding my mouth until you hit the back of my throat...holding me in place until I gag. You know how much I love when you get rough with me ..” Tae feels the sole of your red buttons tease up his thigh, shifting between his legs. The transition was so damn smooth it catches him off guard, instinctively wanting to push away but instead...

“You’d be loud for me too wouldn’t you? Show them how good you look falling apart for me, how good you look when you come down my throat....The way your eyes roll-”

“Holy-fuck Baby” Aggressively running his palms over his face until it’s matching his shirt “Please don’t do this to me right, now, if your gonna give it to me then fuckin let me have it but I cant-.”

You can’t help but smile back at him, so fond it almost seems out of place in the moment. “I’ll give you whatever you want Tae...you know this. You just gotta promise you’ll be good for me, we can’t draw-”

“I’m always good” He damn near growled at you, eyes daring you to say otherwise and well, who were you to deny Tae of what he wants!?Gently pressing your foot at the base of his cock, a satisfied smirk playing on your lips upon feeling that your boys already fully hard.

It’s the way the two of you are just casually in one of LA’s boujeiest restaurants and your deadass about to give him a foot job in Louboutin’s! Yup, your life had turned into a porno,  you’ve officially made it!

“Kay, so back to that list of sponsors, first off I completely agree, as much as I love our contact at Uber I’d prefer an actual car service for something like that.” Here you go again the queen of the switch up, you’re back to discussing work yet there’s still a slight moan in your tenor. Breathy and light and Tae feels like all the airs being sucked from his lungs.

Tae shifts, spreading his thighs even further, shuddering out a bated breath as you point your toe, dragging it up and down! It’s a peep-toe so that alone allows you a little more flexibility! Pressure intentionally light so it’s just enough to have him on the brink of begging! But instead of doing so, he picks up his phone, hands shaky and all and continue doing his job as requested!

“Right..” Clearing his throat not sure why he currently sounds like he’s going through puberty again but K...  “I’ll let Hobi know, maybe we can do something we’re we use them while planning this party or something! Since you vetoed a party planner will have a lot more running around to do! Realistically outside of Joon and Jin we all have coupes anyway...so it’s not like we can carry much!”

Mmm, always the innovator, even when all the blood and airs being rushed to his dick! You feel him try and slide forward, chasing after the stimulation.

“Ohhh, I really like that, and like you said it still feels somewhat organic because realistically our cars aren’t efficient for something like that”  You press down harder against his cock almost as a reward “Good boy, what’s next?” Nodding towards his phone and it takes every ounce of self control he had to swallow down the moan laying on his tongue.

Eyes struggling to stay ajar as you continuously rub your foot up and down his length. Now applying more prominent pressure with the ball of your feet! Movement stealth from the waist up so you don’t draw attraction to yourself.

“Tae Tae” The nickname falls from your lips singsong like, and far too innocent for the demon seed you are. “Next?”

He doesn't even know what to really do except follow instructions, so he just nods, scrolling through his phone. “There was also a couple brands wanted to oh fuck-“ Gasping as you pick up your pace, damn near dropping his phone into the plate beneath him.

Face splitting into an amused grin, a hint of something wicked playing on your lips. Eyes gleaming with mischief, you watch those long, delicate fingers flex, clearly struggling this time around to bite back the moan like he needs to! Hands shaking as your continue working him at a merciless pace. Rubbing faster, harder, utilizing the rounded point on the head of your heel to press right against what your assuming is Tae’s tip by the way he shudders. Thighs shaking as he grips the edge of the table for dear life!

“Oh my godddd” Tae manages to just mouth the words as opposed to screaming them the way he desperately wants too. Tugging on his own scalp, trying to just do something to get himself busy!

“You fuckin love this....” It’s not even a question, more of a consensus!

Your eyes haven’t left his once, watching intently as you swirl your tongue around the straw before taking a sip. Moaning around it because well ya know, the drinks just that damn good apparently.

God his skin feels like it’s on fire, every stroke of your foot has him feeling like he’s coming undone!

He’s trying to focus, on his surroundings, this damn list everything but he can’t he just fucking can’t! Thankfully it’s you, and he trust you with everything he has, so his subconscious is somewhat at ease with all of this because he knows you got him!

“Yeah,fuck yeah you already know you can do anything to me” He states plainly, the most stable his voice has sounded in god knows when “Whatever you want” Gaze heavy through hooded lashes, looking straight at you with steady sinful eyes.

“Mmm, and always want it don’t you baby? Always...:”

He bites back a moan nodding, and then his phone rings, of course his phone fucking rings and it’s coming from the office because why the fuck not?!

“Answer” The command was simple, clearly no room for debate and hs eyes go wide,

“Baby” Complaining with a hint of a whine in his voice and when you don’t seem to give a damn....

“Yeah?”Jaw tight, nostrils flared as he picks up the phone. Adrenaline flies through his veins, pressure building in his gut as you relentlessly keep your pace intact! Pressing harder and deeper into all the right places until he’s coughing around Moans to try and cover it up!

Dropping his head slightly, propping it on his elbow as he squeezes the bridge of his nose between his fingers. “ Welp, That's where it would be so if you don’t see any were out, email me a list and I’ll make a Amazon-“

Taehyung’s chest heaves painfully tight, breathing becoming more erratic with every stroke and yes clearly there’s a strong voyeurism kink within this man! So as crazy as it may sound , the combination of the restaurant, and this phone call ?!

Yeah, he’s not gonna last!

Slouching down completely against the back of the booth, thighs spreading to full capacity. Fingers tangled in his Smokey locks holding his bangs out of his face. Eyes shut , jaw tight, neck slightly reclined, though to the naked eye he’d just appear to be on a very unpleasant phone call! When in all actually he’s finally just letting himself fall apart beneath your touch!

Eyes fluttering open just enough to glance down at you in a way that had you feeling like you could come right with him. Your gaze is Just as heavy as his, lips darting out to wet your lips though your throats suddenly what’s running dry!

Tae’s lips part slightly, though he’s falling apart he’s giving it right back to you. Hitting you with those sinfully needy fuck me eyes! The same ones you see when your riding and edging him until he’s coming tenfold! His breathing comes stagnate every time your foot moves and Tae finds himself gnawing down on his bottom lip to stifle the moans sliding up his chest! You can tell who's on the other end now, it’s the new secretary Alanna, and she legitimately is still getting her footing! Which is the only reason Tae is even entertaining the call, well one of the reasons!

You notice Tae’s breathing is starting to even out a little almost as if he’s gained some of his self control back and we don’t support that in this household.  So you proceed to dig your foot right into the head of his cock and he straight wheezes! Body jerking off the wall and all ...

“No, I’m, fuck-“ There’s a moan that finally falls freely off his tongue that only barley seems acceptable because he in fact just choked! Voice coming out what feels like a octave lower and huskier , poor Alanna! “Yeah i'm good sorry , food just went down the wrong pipe.” He can barely think straight but he knows he needs to close this up “Hey look will be back within the hour and will sort it out then alright?”

I don’t even think he even waited for her to respond before hanging up and literally throwing his phone across the table! Gucci case and all.

“Everything okay? ?” Voice low and teasing, he knows you're technically asking about the office but your timing sucks ass!

“Fuck you” Falls off his lips in a barley audible moan, so consumed as his orgasm builds in the pit of his stomach! Eyes still struggling to stay open mouth, mouth falling slack, if your were in your right mind you’d tell him to pull it together alittle! Now that he’s off the phone, he either looks like he’s getting a foot job, or like he’s high on meth! Neither are appealing to the GP! God, he must look utterly ridiculous right now, thankfully he’s shifted against the booth so he’s facing a wall as opposed to other guest!

“Mm, my pretty baby’s close yeah?” Watching how heavily his throat bobs as he swallows, Tae’s leaking precum all over the damn place, so, close hips gently rocking into your foot as discreetly as possible, growing more desperate by the second. Fuck he needs to come, he needs to!

“Yeah baby please don’t- fuck” God he sounds so good, so needy and pliant and fuck!  

“I got you...” At that you actually kick your shoe off, moving back to press down even harder, rubbing and rubbing forcing Tae to attempt to grab his drink in attempts to muzzle himself. However his hands are shaking too hard and  he almost knocks it over!

“God baby I’m-“

“Be a good boy for me”

And he is, coming with a shuddering breath, under the steady pressure of your foot as his release tears through his veins. Dropping his to the table as subtly as possible(Hell maybe people will think he’s tipsy or not feeling well), thighs shaking, chest heaving painfully hard. He’s not completely silently but he does a lot better than expected, a low groan manages to slip past his lips.

“Good boy” The praise rolls off your tongue and goes straight to his dick, as if he needed anymore stimulation there. Another faint whimper falls off his lips until he’s drooling all over the table. Not even realizing initially, that his hips were still grinding into you until he’s hissing from oversensitivity! The force of his orgasm has Taehyung drawing straight blanks, hearing nothing but white nose rustling in the background!

Also, I don’t know what that says about Tae as a person but he’s not even remotely humiliated! The only thing that he’s about to regret once his mind's less foggy is how absolutely drenched his YSL leather pants are!

So busy trying to get his breathing back in check as he comes down from his high, he completely missed the way you’d signaled to the server. Calmly asking for her  to add 8 more slices of cake to go, and bring the bill over!

His face is flushed, his pants feel gross as hell but above everything else he feels so damn good! Reaching down to still your foot, gently massaging the top as his eyes finally flutter open! Vision still a little hazy as he looks back at you with a dazed smile, and your gazing back at him with so much fondness that the first thing that slurs off his lips in a whisper is....

“I fuckin love you!”

Flashing him a wink in return as you make eye contact with your servers whose letting you know she’ll be over in a moment. Keeping your foot stationary for a moment, enjoying the well deserved foot massage. Occasionally flexing your toes to “accidentally brush against his dick. Giggling around your drink every time he'd hiss and jerk away!

This entire lunch situation was a damn mess, and high key reckless but, the blissed out smile written all over his face is more than worth it. Where just ugh...not gonna tell the boys about this!

“Love you too Tae”

~~~~~~~~~

Everything from that moment on kind of feels like a blur honestly, up until the two of you sliding into your car and before you can even get yourself settled he’s on you! Yanking you out of your seat and into his lap before you can even put your seatbelt on which obviously is not ideal this is a sports car after all but you don’t dare complain! Taehyung’s far from shy with his wants, griping the back of your neck, sliding his fingers through your hair as he presses your lips together! He doesn’t try to ease you into it either It’s hard, hungry, desperate and overtly needy! Forcing both of you to huff out a staggered breath through your nose to even keep up! You breathe him in, and he breathes you out, it’s all open mouthed, and heady, an obscene amount of moans rolling off your tongues. Reclining your jaw, giving him free reign to explore your mouth. Tongue rolling against your slick and languid with years of finesse between the two of you. No matter how hard he’s kissing you it still doesn’t feel rushed, its deep, borderline sensual actually!

Tae pulls back just enough to nip at your bottom lip, dragging his across your jaw and down the side of your neck! Licking sucking and biting, along your skin, moaning at the way you arch and grind your hips into every touch! The two of you carry on like that until there’s suddenly something thumbing in the back of your throat!

“Hey..” There's a slight sternness within your voice that has him instantly trying to snap out of his postcoital haze. Stroking the hinge of his jaw “You know, how much I love you right? And if, we need to all sit down a re-”

Cutting you off with the smooth glide of his lips pulling you into a kiss that’s a slower, less needy, there’s no ulterior motive, Tae just wants to feel you “Nah, I don't wanna change anything sometimes- I just want-”

“I know...” Because you do, pressing your forehead to his, not even kissing just letting your breaths melt as one. Massaging his scalp gently, he already looks like he’s a second away from passing out! Pondering if maybe the two of you should switch places...

“Promise you’ll let me take care of you later” Tae nuzzles against the side of your face like a puppy wanting his ears scratched! Believe it or not he wasn’t always such a selfless lover, not until he found you guys! Now it’s almost like his orgasms feel incomplete if he’s the only one coming once it’s all said and done!

“You can do whatever you want to me Tae, you know this.” Placing a couple lingering kisses on those pouty lips of his before hesitantly shuffling into the passengers seat. Transfixed on the way he slips back into his lane, fixing his hair, pulling out his oversized cat eye frames to rest on the bridge of his nose. One hand on the wheel the other finding there home on your thigh. Noting the slight discomfort as he shifts in his seat, no doubt due to the fact that well, he just came in his pants.

“How about..” Leaning over to place a open mouth kiss right beneath is ear, digging your nails into his thigh until he moans.  “ I clean you up a little on the drive, and we pit stop at mine, and we drop you off first so you can shower and chill. Then me and Joon will come back and crawl into bed with you after were done for the day..”

“Am I being given the rest of the day off Mrs. Kim?” You can already hear the smirk in his voice without even looking...

“Yes Mr. Kim that would be correct....” Already working the zipper before he can even respond because you already know how this is about to pan out...

___________________

Hi my babies, first off IDK where this came from, I also wouldn’t consider it my best, but it was the first thing I’ve written in like 6 months which felt good. This was supposed to be up back in December I had a couple holiday prompts for the series that I never got around to completing ! But If you enjoyed show this some love and come talk to me!

Love always,

Rocki

[mafaldaknows]

Why do you always blame every negative thing on antis? Can’t we, in the fandom, disagree or be frustrated? You say we are not cult but when someone has questions or express frustrations, immediately you call them antis. We are also Charmie but disappointed with Armie having himself and his kids to be used in the resort’s stories, after he said he didn’t want that. Why didn’t he ask the resort to delete them? ok, we get it about fatherhood and parenthood. So, if that is what it takes, is he back in the Instagram promo circus again?

Hello, Anon:

If you come to me to express your frustrations looking for sympathy, kindly please express yourself with a little more clarity, or punctuation, at the very least, so that it’s clear to anyone reading your ask that you are a fellow passenger on this ship. Because sometimes it’s difficult for me to decipher that fact in an anonymous ask. I am only human.

If you come to my inbox looking for my opinion, that’s what I will give you, and I may not always agree with you. If what you really want is validation of your opinion, then please write your own thoughts in your own blog and invite others to comment. That’s what tumblr is for, after all.

I use the tone and spirit of any ask to guide me in crafting responses to anons. That is all I have to go by sometimes, if the anon is too vague, or particularly strident, or somewhat aggressive. I tend to think that someone who is sympathetic to Armie and his plight would take a kinder tone that some of the anons I’ve received recently, even those claiming to be from an Armie fan.

Armie may be completely unaware of the situation surrounding that video, if he’s not currently on social media. And you can absolutely be disappointed in his participation in that entire situation, of course. That’s your right to have an opinion about it, as it is mine, on my own blog. I have no way of predicting with any sort of accuracy what he will do next. People are complicated, and life is messy. Sometimes people and circumstances don’t fit neatly into the orderly boxes we want to put them in.

I’m neither a mind reader nor am I psychic. The nature of this format is that the person asking me these things is anonymous, so I have nothing to which I could refer that could indicate to me what their motives might be, if their meaning is unclear to me. So I might mistake a fellow fan for an anti from time to time, and answer accordingly. I am not perfect, nor have I ever claimed to be. I am a human being, just trying to do my best to make sense out of this circus and hoping for a good outcome someday.

Thanks for your comment. 🤗❤️🧿

[neverforpickles]

it's good to see coherent people like you talking about promo. I'm in my second year of marketing and I see several cases of image cleaning, how much small steps are needed until the final moment, louis' image, obviously, won't change overnight, but I don't see the changes that some people say, it's no use you being on the cover of a big magazine that puts your new type of music in focus, but at the same time not engaging about your new content in a constant way you know?! unfortunately, simon pr is still here and i feel he is a big obstacle, because it reminds me that LM girls didn't reach the US market with years of career, having him as a publicist. Sorry for the English, I'm not fluent.

Hi love, your english is beautiful. You’re doing amazing at it!! I am not a native english speaker and I’m not in anyway shape or form fluent as well, so we have something in common. 🥂

I have absolutely no idea of any legal stuff surrounding promo, and it’s nice to have someone doing marketing nodding at what I am saying, because it means I am making sense with my rambles. But I agree, in order to have a complete 360, you have to do small steps, consistent smalls steps otherwise, if constantly contradicting yourself with what you are doing, it’s not good enough. Like you said, it won’t change overnight, there would be a lot to do and it would take a long time to actually have a final, clean, finish product.

With Louis, I have seen that he had been on big music covers and articles that I have never paid attention to, but apparently are big ones, but that would prove to be not consistent because at the same time his promo is mainly focus on constantly just doing it around the bubble of the fandom. If the aim was to actually establish Louis in a different light with different audiences, they have to back those magazines up with radios, tv’s and all that that’s constantly exposing the public of his music, of what those magazines are talking about.

With Simon PR, i’ve never really paid attention to that person and their crews, Louis is enough for me but if he’s still with this person and nothing is changing, then well, this person might jsut be a thorn on his side.

They don’t really need to do more promo that’s focus on the fans and not the GP, because he already got a solid well established fanbase who have been here for long time. We basically carried his entire career when the world seems to be all against him, therefore, it’s unnecessary work what he’s doing. It’s not doing anything significant at all. Or I am just not seeing the bigger picture of whatever it is but it sure feels like it right now.

But we’ll see.

[calpops]

forever | c.h.

A visit from you during tour and a stop inside a jewelry store put images in Calum’s head that harbor questions and set him into motion—but the distance his plans entails makes everything mended start to feel like it’s breaking again. One question has the power to bring everything back together with the hope of forever.

4.2k words

dates with cal masterlist

Copyright © 2020 calpops. All rights reserved. This original work is not allowed to be reposted on any platform in any format (translations included).

<< >>

Sunrise on the other side of the world leaves you wide eyed in wonder; the soft pink glitters against water surrounding your hotel. Calum still sleeps, sheets dipped down to his waist as the warmth of a summer night settled into the room. The band is on tour and you flew out to surprise Calum for a visit; no longer wanting distance, the aches of being away from each other a reminder of a time you’d much rather forget. Ashton had helped coordinate the visit as a surprise and Calum welcomed you with shock and adoration in his eyes; arms wide and open for you to throw yourself into. It felt like coming home though you were far away from your house.

“Mornin, sweetheart,” Calum mumbles, morning voice raspy and low.

You turn back to him, abandon the sunrise in favor of him rising in bed, sheet pooled around his waist and sun kissed skin glowing in a morning glory. You smile, stalk over to the bed and settle back in at his side, head resting against his chest as his arms envelop and welcome you. You don’t want to waste a minute of time you have together; want to explore the city you’d never seen before, take in the sights and see a piece of Calum’s world created by music. But his hold is warm and his heartbeat is rhythmic and it doesn’t feel like wasted time to stay in his arms. Not after time without them.

“Do you have anything to do today?” You ask, bite your lip and hope he has time for you.

“Only showing you around, taking you out, showing you off,” he answers in a sly tone and sends shivers of excitement up your spine.

You had hidden your relationship with Calum from fans and media for as long as humanly possible. But a picture spoke words neither of you said and the world suddenly knew you and all that you are to him. Inhibitions and hiding ceased to exist. You could roam free now; show each other the world and show the world each other. You prop yourself up, hand melting into the mattress to maneuver so you can look into his eyes.

“Can we… go now?” You ask and Calum grins at the excitement you can’t hide or put away. He simply nods and it’s enough to get you to your feet and rushing around the hotel room. He’s a bit more leisurely in his pace, eyes watching you with admiration.

The day of exploring begins on the sidewalk just past the hotel. Breakfast is served outside, the sun shining and warm past a fall breeze, the food is delicious and filling. Your eyes scan the city you’d never been to before, take in the people and the sights of old stone buildings standing tall with ivy covering facades. Calum watches you instead of the world around you. He grins unknowingly when you point at things he’s seen before. He reaches for your hand when your eyes sparkle from the light of the sun and collides with the beauty of the day. When breakfast has come and gone you wander the streets, go into shops and stop to marvel at everything. An antique store brings wonders of time past and Calum keeps an arm around you as you stalk through the aisles. A park is a good resting place with benches by a fountain that sprays sparkling water, colorful autumn foliage donning the ground and falling from branches to swirl through the air.

“I wish we wouldn’t have to leave,” you admit as bliss hangs over you, Calum’s arm around your shoulders and his jacket wrapped around you as the day grows colder. “Except I already miss Duke.”

“Yeah?” Calum asks and feels it too. “And did you miss me before you got here?”

“As soon as you stepped out of the house,” you admit around a sigh and try to push down the ache that distance always seems to awaken.

Ever since your break it’s been harder to live with the uncertainties of Calum’s job. If he’ll be home at night or if the studio will tie him up until odd hours of the morning. If a weekend promo trip will turn into a week with added interviews. If your schedule will allow for a visit when he’s off touring the world without you. You’ve found ways to combat and jump those hurdles. Reading together at night. Cherishing every little moment you’re granted together; from making sure breakfast is together and not in a handheld rush out the door, to teasing him into getting in the bath fully clothed with you. But the start of the tour brought pangs of pain to your heart. Watching him walk out the door was reminiscent of watching him leave the house when it was all too much and your head and heart needed a break to find yourself.

“I missed you too,” Calum says and you hear the waver in his voice, the broken syllables punctuating the fractures that still exist and are on the mend. “Don’t think I’m gonna let you go back.”

His voice and the mood shifts as he teases you, holds you closer and tighter as if to make good on his words. You laugh and feel those aches start to ease as it feels a promise to stay in his arms. He doesn’t let go of you once you leave the park. Keeps you in his hold as you stroll the streets once more and duck into shops you haven’t yet seen. A jewelry store with stones and gold and silvers leaves you in awe. You scan necklaces and Calum finally looks past you, past the necklaces and bracelets and towards rings that lay under glass and spark thoughts and desires plainly through him.

He has pondered it before, has had dreams veiled with white and fences and a lifetime playing before his unconscious mind. He wants to drift over to the rings but stays with you, merely letting his gaze skirt to the display as you wander the shop and bypass symbols of commitment without a second glance. Diamonds dot the case, put promises in his mind, but leave something to be desired. They’re beautiful, finely cut, glimmering under the display lights and shining for all their price tags are worth. But they aren’t you. It's an opal inset to a silver, thin and looping band that truly takes his eye as you pass. He swallows down the thought and the words that seem to want to make an escape. It’s fleeting. Something to think on. And he will.

Rings and white veils and picket fences stay in his mind through your entire visit. He can’t see you without picturing one of the glimpses made of dreams. He can’t fathom a world of distance ever again—doesn’t want to say goodbye as your flight looms in the distance and the airport is packed with people departing their loved ones. He clings to you and you to him, a few more weeks of tour putting a wedge between you.

“Call me when you land?” Calum asks, needing to know you make it home safe. “And send pictures of you and Duke when you’re home?”

You smile and promise to do both. “I love you.”

He says it back in place of goodbye. Both of you unknowing of the others vow to keep goodbye off your lips. I love you was a much better last sentence to hear; a much better sentiment to hold onto during distance. Calum watches you walk away, watches your plane take off past sunset and knows you’ll be landing in time for another. Knows that he’ll get a voice memo of a chapter out of the book on the bedside table you read together at night when sleep isn’t happening for one or the other, sometimes both. He has his own copy with him, so he can send the same for you next time. Your departure leaves him with only his thoughts and time to sink into them. Rings flash before his eyes. A dream of the future lingers. Plans start forming in his mind and though they aren’t feasible in the moment and deserve more time and dedication to think over they stay with him until he’s back home to you.

His homecoming is all that you both could want. You and Duke and solace in the quiet and warm house. The moon accompanies him up the front steps and into your arms, the door flinging open the moment headlights light up the driveway. You had been waiting; wanted to pick him up at the airport but he insisted you stay safe at home and not have to brave the crowd of fans that might flock. You waited and waited on the edge of your seat, eyes out the window and Duke in your lap. As soon as his familiar hold settled around your waist and his cheek pressed to the top of your head you finally felt like you were home again, though you’d been back at the house for weeks.

A sense of normalcy and routine returns to you as you both settle back in post tour. Moments of bliss come back to you. The house feels like a home again. The break you both endured to find yourself feels long lost as days turn to weeks and everything feels right with each other. You wish it could stay like this forever; wish his homecoming was permanent and that tours and trips and time apart weren’t so demanding and often. You wish for something like forever.

Calum is consumed with images of rings that float through his mind as he comes back to you. He’s caught in a whirlwind of white and questions and future uncertainties. He knows all he has to do is ask, he knows that since the very first day he met you it was all building up to this. He needs to talk about it, to mention it and get the images in his mind into words and a plan. He can’t confide in you, needs it to be a surprise. He finds himself at Ashton’s, speaking his desires aloud for the first time since a dream woke him and prompted the words to fall from his tongue.

“You’re sure?” Ashton asks and it’s not said with doubt but with a need for certainty. “You’re really going to ask?”

Calum nods and in that moment it’s all solidified. “It’s been in my head for weeks. Maybe months. Is it stupid? Too soon after the break?”

Ashton shakes his head no quickly. “I’ve never seen you two so happy. As bad as that break was it was good for both of you, good for your relationship. You both know who you are now. Together and apart.”

Ashton grins and Calum shifts, still so caught up in his own mind. “How’re you gonna do it?”

“I have a plan. But I don’t have what I need yet,” Calum admits, the lack of a ring and reservation looming in his thoughts; disrupting the perfect picture he conjures up almost every time he looks at you.

“You know the answer will be yes. No matter how you do it,” Ashton reminds him and while Calum believes it he’s convinced you deserve a moment as special as you are.

His talk with Ashton sets him into motion. He goes in and out of jewelry stores, talks with consultants, makes reservations and finds his pocket empty. It’s the tenth store he’s gone into in half as many days when he decides he can’t do this on his own. He needs help, a woman’s taste and knowledge. He needs his sister and her wisdom. You stay oblivious to all that he’s done and stay happy to have him back, still reeling in reunion and all the moments made of bliss that they create.

It all gets rattled when Calum announces he needs to go to London—he squabbles to explain it to you, something about family and then the band and it’s convoluted and confusing—but you wait with hope and eager opportunity to be asked to go with him. When the words never fall from his mouth you shrink into silence and bid him a hasty goodbye. He leaves with Ashton, tells you he loves you and you watch him walk out the door without you. You can’t help but wonder why he didn’t ask you to go. If there was a need for distance settling into his mind and heart the way it once had yours. You agonize over it, let it keep you up at night and note the lack of his voice in your ear or through your phone speaker. The ritual of reading together crumbles and you remember a time when everything started to shatter.

Calum breezes through jewelry stores with Mali at his side; his sister commenting on his jovial steps and the grin that never seems to leave his face as rings flash before them. He tells her that he hasn’t been this happy in a long time and she assures him that she can tell. That she knows you’re the reason why. Ashton tags along a few times, makes comments about the things that catch Calum’s eye.

“That’s not a diamond,” he says when Calum gravitates towards another opal ring.

“No,” he agrees and peers down through the glass anyway. “But this has the colors of both our birthstones,” he notes and points at the swirls of garnet for January and the color of your birth month colliding across a smooth and white opal. The band is silver and thin but it loops into an infinity symbol, just like the one he saw that put the notion of marriage back into his mind. “What do you think, Mali?”

His sister scurries over from the other end of the counter and peers down at the ring. Ashton stays quiet—seemingly for once—as Mali inspects it.

She looks up at her brother and warms, brown eyes scrunching as she smiles and nods. “It’s perfect. It’d never be a no, but how could anyone say no to that?”

“Let’s hope,” Calum says under his breath though he agrees with Mali. He knows in his heart that this is the right one and you are the right person. He calls over an employee and leaves the store with your ring in a deep red velvet box, a secret until the perfect moment came along.

You turn pages of the novel Calum gave you on a rainy night and wonder where he is. Calls since he left for London a few days ago have been scarce and it leaves you worried. You had taken time away, needed to step back, the distance imposed thoughts that maybe Calum now needed that too. You gripe over it as you toss and turn through restless nights. His homecoming does little to put your mind at ease. He’s receptive to the welcome, his arms still feel like home and you hold onto hope that all will go back to normal now that he’s back. But the distance stays present. He works late nights at the studio; is too tired for reading or talking or anything by the time he crawls back into bed with you.

Mornings are quiet. What would usually be a breakfast filled with laughter and teasing, feeding each other and trying to spend every last second together before you headed out the door are now somber affairs. Calum doesn’t say much, has a nervous energy that fills the kitchen and sinks into your gut. It puts you on edge but you say nothing; too scared to know what’s going through his mind. You can’t gauge his reactions to anything anymore. He stays stoic yet hardwired and nervous. There’s fleeting but present worry and doubt invading your mind and heart as time ticks on and nothing changes—nothing goes back to the way it was—everything changes. You mention it to your friends and they try to calm your doubts and fears but it does little to quell all that is building broken walls around your heart.

Calum knows he’s acting strange; that the weight of your ring he carries in his pocket as you’d find it hidden anywhere in the house has started to wear him down. His thoughts are tangled and planning the proposal comes with late nights away from you. He doesn’t enjoy those nights, knows that when he finally gets home there’s a cut of disappointment in your words and heartache in your eyes when he says he’s too tired to read or talk or do much of anything. But he’s running thin; between the band, the proposal and life at large he comes home empty. He hopes, as he puts some finishing touches on his plan with Ashton, that it will all make up for it in the end.

He has an entire day and night planned. It starts inconspicuous, a small trip to the coast where he hopes you think you’ll be spending another day in the sand and waves as is usual for day trips. But there will be more, a venue with soft lighting and music, petals of your favorite flowers scattered on the floor, your favorite food, the ring and his knee meeting flowers as he keeps to tradition and hopes you’ll say yes. His plan gets stalled when he comes home and you’re silent—the first night since he’s been home that you don’t ask about his day, offer to read or even greet him with a hello. A lump forms in the back of his throat and his chest heats with uncertainty as he realizes you’re not happy.

“Sweetheart,” he says to try and catch your attention, to try to get you to look at him.

You’re sat on the edge of the couch and it brings back memories of the talk that led to fractures and a break. You don’t say anything in response to his term of endearment for you. You don’t smile and your eyes don’t shine with happiness at his voice the way they usually do. A taut frown pulls at your lips and your eyes glisten as you fight back tears. He goes to you but stops when you stiffen.

“What’s wrong?” Calum asks, again trying to get you to talk.

“Do you need a break? Do you not want to be with me anymore?” You finally spit out and it sends Calum into a wave of shock. His heart rate picks up but he can’t feel it beating against his chest. “You gave me time if you need it I’ll do that for you but please don’t just drift away from me. If you need space I’ll go—I have some bags packed already—you need to talk to me. We can work it out. Or… or if we can’t—if you don’t want me to come back; if you don’t want me”—Calum cuts you off with a shake of his head and that final step towards you.

You’re in tears by the time he reaches you. He doesn’t know why, he can’t stop it, but he laughs as he pulls you up from the couch and into his arms. Your explanation is a bittersweet relief to his ears; your tears and panic and explanation your own mind concocted for the distance tugs at his heart and hurts but your resilience and wanting to work things out keeps him going strong. His laughter dies down as you pull away from him and balk—a broken breath leaving you as you shake your head and your lip quivers.

“Are you seeing someone else? Is that it?” You ask, a new panic overriding the sadness that rips at you.

Calum laughs again and shakes his head ‘no’. He scrambles, trying to think on his feet and offer an explanation to smooth out all the damage that’s been done.

“Don’t laugh at me,” you plead and it breaks apart the hysteria that led to the laughter in the first place.

“Sweetheart, I’m going to laugh with you forever,” he says, hoping it would help to quell your newfound fears. He tries for subtlety, a notion of forever trying to ensure he’s not leaving, he doesn’t want you to leave—wants to stay with you for the rest of his life.

You squabble on, still caught up in anxiety and Calum tries to explain himself without revealing the ring still in his pocket or the plans he had hoped would be fulfilled by this time tomorrow. He talks in circles and none of it is convincing enough to calm you down.

“Sweetheart, please just trust me,” he begins after finally having gotten you back down on the couch.

“What am I to trust when you won’t tell me anything? You don’t even talk to me anymore…”

Calum feels a slice of guilt cut through him at your words. He knows it’s true. His silence has been heavy, his plans needing time, time needing silence. Every night he comes home he has to bite his tongue to make sure he doesn’t pop the question at eleven at night on the bedroom floor, every morning you wake he has to push down words so he doesn’t ask for forever in the kitchen. He knows you’d say yes in either scenario but a question with the waves and sunset and flowers spilled all around is more worthy. But he’s not sure you’ll make it to see the waves and sunset and heard his question tomorrow; he fears you’ll walk out the door under moonlight and distance will come back in broken shards of silence and miscommunication.

“Alright,” Calum says slowly, conceding to the fact his knee will hit the living room floor and the opal will shine under stars and not the sun. He can only hope that your answer will be the same with tears of frustration and sadness in your eyes rather than happiness and shock. “I have to ask you something. It was supposed to be so much more than this.”

He sees the confusion sweep through your eyes at his whispered words said in a timid voice. His hand reaches into his pants pocket and his fingers find velvet, the smooth feel he was now accustomed to helping to ease the nerves. He can’t count how many times he had reached into his pocket and felt the box, how many times he had to stop himself from bringing it out and asking you in the dead of the night. He does that now. Watches confusion turn to shock, sees the tears in your eyes spill over and drip down your cheeks as he slowly gets to one knee, a velvet box popped open and your eyes blown wide.

“I’ve been planning this out for weeks, ever since we went to that jewelry store and I couldn’t get the picture of you wearing a ring out of my head. It was like that dream but every moment I was awake. I flew off to London so Mali could help me pick a ring. I came back and avoided you so I could plan everything. This was supposed to happen with flowers and music and an ocean sunset behind us. But that doesn’t matter. All that matters is your answer.”

Calum takes in a deep breath as he lets his gaze linger on you; commits your image in that moment to his memory as it dramatically and quickly shifts from breaking pieces to heart on your sleeve, in your eyes, in the way you reach for him and nod minutely without the question even being asked yet.

“Marry me? I want nothing more than to spend the rest of our lives together. I want you; forever.”

You fall to your knees, eyes not even looking at the ring but staying steady on Calum as you close all the distance that lingered since a shattering break. He wraps his arms around you, velvet box dropping to the couch in favor of holding you. He feels you nod against him, hears and feels the small whisper of yes against his skin and holds you closer when a small sob wracks your body. He pulls away, just enough to see your face and wipe the fallen tears from your cheeks.

“I’m sorry it happened like this,” Calum said but you shook your head and his fears away. “We can still go tomorrow. To make up for tonight.”

You nod and finally cut a gaze at the ring discarded on the couch cushions. Calum reaches for it but you don’t offer him your hand when he brings it back.

“I’m sorry I ruined your plan,” you say, voice hoarse and tired. Your hand envelops his hand that holds the ring. “We can save that for tomorrow, but know that my answer is yes today and tomorrow and forever.”

<< >>

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***

This one is all because of @outerspaceisbetterthannothing messages (put here at the end so as not to give any spoilers) 🖤

Okay, getting back to dates with cal. Let's move several months forward. Boys are on tour, final leg somewhere in europe and the reader flew out to finish it with them. So they with cal explore some city, she's excited practically about everything cause it's her first time in europe. Cal laughs at how she gets happy over grey buildings or pigeons or sth. And that moment the idea hits him unexpectedly. He wants to spend the rest of his life with her. He doesn't say, just thinks it through for now

Okay,getting back to dates with Cal. They’re back home after tour,some weeks pass and Cal is really wrapped up in this idea about asking his girl to marry him and even confides in Ashton,who’s beyond happy for his friend. He wants to go ring shopping,but in the very first shop he realises he can’t do that without Mali. So he packs and leaves for London with Ash under some ass stupid excuse,as she’s left home wondering what she did wrong that he left so abruptly and didn’t ask her to go with him

Cal’s having the softest time in UK with Mali, finds the perfect ring and gets home, where she feels him being distant. But he’s only distant because he’s afraid to spill the beans unintentionally. So it’s a lot of late night coming home and not talking because too tired, which makes her upset. They with Ash prepare the perfect proposal and Cal tells that they need to hurry as she obv feels sth’s up. Meanwhile she’s talking to her friends about him and works herself up over all of it.

So one night when Cal comes home late and tired, she calls him out with sth like ‘are you gonna break up with me?’ And Cal so shook he doesn’t answer straight away so she goes with how she’s tired to wait for him to pick up his courage and already packed, so he can just easily do it rn, it won’t take long for her to leave. Asks him if he’s seeing someone else. And Cal laughs nervously, cause he wants to spend the rest of his life with her, but she thinks he’s cheating on her.

But this snort of his only proves everything to her and she asks not to laugh at her at least. And Cal goes with ‘i’m gonna laugh at you for the rest of our lives’. And he tries to work his way out of this somehow, cause he doesn’t want to propose on his own kitchen floor. Tells she’s gonna regret that for the rest of her life. But she’s so persistent, so proposing on his kitchen floor is exactly what he’s eventually doing. ‘You’re my one and only, silly’

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[karajaynetoday]

forever and always | calum hood

I couldn’t find the original credit for this gif but possibly here? It’s a deactivated blog though if anyone has the proper credit please let me know!

I don’t know how or why, but I woke up this morning thinking about this concept and I had to get it written to make my peace with it, in a way. Shout out to @spicycal for reading through the draft for me, and sending love to anyone this resonates with. It’s a very emo Calum one-shot that includes pregnancy loss (if that’s not something you can read, feel free to give this one a miss), but I promise it has a happy ending. 

Word count: 2.8k

Warnings: mentions of pregnancy and pregnancy loss/stillbirth, and references to COVID-19 (the pandemic circumstances i.e. quarantine, not actually having the illness)

(This is a fem reader insert)

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Calum ducked his head down to meet your gaze, brown eyes swimming with concern.

You were sat together on the couch in Ashton’s living room, surrounded by a lighting set up, having a quiet moment while Andy and Ryan were setting up their cameras in front of you. 5SOS were preparing to release their next album, and to reflect on the past ten years’ of the band, they had decided to film a documentary alongside the album process. After much deliberation, KayKay, Sierra and Crystal had agreed to take part, because they were just as much a part of the band’s journey as the boys’ families were, and their support and influence on the music was obvious. For you, though, it was a little different. You and Calum had successfully hidden your relationship from the public eye for the last four years. It was some sort of miracle, honestly, especially given the last little while where you’d gotten careless and slipped up by holding hands and showing affection in public. If any fans or paps noticed, they never said anything, and it gave you and Calum a sense of relief that no one knew your name or true identity when you were spotted with him or the rest of the band family in public.

Relief, but you had to admit that it hurt a little too. You’d seen the hate and vitriol that the other guys’ partners had experienced, and you knew Calum was just trying to protect you from all of that, but every time someone made a joke about him being the only single one in interviews, or asked him what he looked for in a girl, or the fans ran away with relationship rumours whenever he was photographed within breathing distance of a potential love interest,  it made your chest feel tight. At the end of the day, though, Calum always came home to you, and that was what truly mattered.

To say that this was a big moment, publicly announcing your relationship with Calum, and revealing that you’d kept it hidden for years, was an understatement. But you knew it was important to both of you to finally share it with the world. Not just because you loved each other and wanted to show it, but because the events of the past year had broken and rebuilt you all over again. As individuals, as a couple, and even for the band as a whole. You knew that the hope you’d held, and the pain that tore you down, and the healing you’d been through came across in Calum’s contributions to the new album, so it felt right to sit down and use your own voice to convey your feelings about it all.

You broke out of your deep train of thought to nod in response to Calum’s question, and press a quick but reassuring kiss to his lips.

“I’m sure if you’re sure.” You whispered, as Calum threw his arm around your shoulders and squeezed to let you know he was in support of whatever you wanted to do.

“Okay guys, we’re ready if you’re all good to go?” Ryan spoke up from behind the camera, trying not to unsettle you two and the moment you were clearly having. A deep breath and a brief smile from you and Calum let Ryan know he could start recording, and Andy sat down out of frame and pulled his notebook of questions into his lap.

“So, shall we start from the beginning?”

Your heart swelled, as you began to remember.

--

Ashton had full on wingman-ed Calum when you first met them both at a bar downtown. He was dating KayKay at the time, so he’d made it his mission to find Cal a hot date, or a lover, or a lifelong companion (“Any of the above will do, as long as you’re not a shit person��, he’d told you as he tried to pitch Calum to you). The pitch had worked, and you’d joined them for a few drinks and rounds of pool, before exchanging numbers with Calum at the end of the night.

From there, it was coffee dates, and brunches, and then dinners and nights out on the town. Soon it became days or nights at each other’s houses, which became entire weekends, then it was trips away or secret visits to see Calum on tour, and before you knew it, you’d been dating for the better part of the last two years and Cal asked you to move in with him. He knew it was a sacrifice on your part, not only dating someone who was away for months at a time, let alone someone whose hand you couldn’t hold out in public for risk of being photographed, but you also knew that you and Calum loved each other more deeply than you’d ever loved before. You understood he’d be burned in the past with public or semi-public relationships, and seeing his band brothers go through them made him hesitant at best. By moving in together, you’d see each other more, and you’d also get to shower each other with the love and desire that was building more and more within your soul with every passing day.

--

“So that’s the story of how we met. Mate, honestly, I was head over heels from day one.” Calum laughed, kissing your forehead quickly.

“I’ve had the privilege of observing you two and your love for one another for a few years now, and I have to say it’s a beautiful thing. You just seem to know each other inside out, and I love that soulmate aspect of your relationship.” Andy mused, flashing you a warm smile.

“Now, in terms of influence on this upcoming album, I know the past 18 months have been a rollercoaster for us all, but you two especially have been through a lot. Do you feel comfortable talking us through that a little bit?” Andy was careful with his words, not wanting to upset you or make you uncomfortable.

You squeezed Calum’s knee, before swallowing thickly and thinking back to the time period Andy had mentioned.

--

When 2020 began, you held so much hope and excitement for the year ahead. Watching Calum and his brothers play the Firefight Australia concert was incredible, and you were so thrilled for them to be releasing their latest album that truly felt representative of the four individuals who had come together to craft it. But then the pandemic began, and you were ordered into quarantine. Each day felt heavier somehow, with more sad stories on the news, and more frustration building up amongst your loved ones. It broke your heart to see Calum and the boys not able to release the album in the way they’d originally hoped, but Cal himself was both an optimist and a realist, and constantly reiterated that it felt like the right time to release it anyway, because maybe it would bring a bit of joy and serenity to people that needed that in their lives amongst all the chaos.

You’d quickly fallen into the routine of home isolation, waking early to get your work hours done, so you could spend your afternoons with Calum and Duke by the pool, or hiking a nearby trail, or bingeing Netflix on the couch. It was strange to have so much time together, but it was also so warm and comforting that it didn’t take you long to get anxious at the idea of Calum ever leaving again for tour or promo. That was a while away, though, so you tried your best to make the most of the time you had, and take it one day at a time.

You couldn’t remember the first day you woke up feeling nauseous. Sometime in June, you supposed. A few days of vomiting and fatigue that made you feel like you’d been hit by a bus, and you had a telehealth appointment with your doctor to try and figure out what was going on. Given your symptoms, they’d asked you in for tests right away. A week or so later, you were back sitting in the doctor’s office awaiting the results, extra nervous because the COVID-19 restrictions meant that Calum couldn’t come in with you. You’d thought about FaceTiming him into the appointment, but there was something in the back of your mind telling you that you wanted to have a moment to yourself to process the news, whatever it was going to be.

When your doctor looked at you with a smile and told you that you were pregnant, all you could do was gape back at her in shock. It shouldn’t have come entirely as a surprise; you and Calum had spoken a few times about the vision you had for your future, and the uncertainty and restlessness that quarantine had given you made foregoing protection seem right, somehow (lovesick logic, or something like that). But it happening so quickly was unexpected. Your shock was soon replaced with tears of happiness, and you were already bursting at the seams to get home and tell Calum the news.

He was speechless at first, too, but then again Calum always was a man of few words. You’d kept it to yourselves for a little while, only discussing it in quiet whispers, or soft touches onto your non-existent bump, or sending links of cute baby things to one another via WhatsApp message. A few weeks later, you had your first scan, and this time Calum was allowed in the room. You could see his eyes light up when he heard the strong heartbeat on the monitor, and later he’d tell you how he immediately wanted to voicenote it on his phone to listen to while he was away on tour, or even mix it into a song.

Seeing that tiny blob on the screen and hearing the heartbeat honestly made your entire year, and from then on you couldn’t resist sharing your happiness with others. Video calls with yours and Calum’s parents, more happy tears and cheering from the soon-to-be first time grandparents.

The restrictions in California had eased a little, so you invited Ashton, Luke, Michael and their respective partners over for dinner one night. You’d prepared some cute greeting cards, one for each couple, thanking them for all of their support over the years with helping to protect your privacy with Calum, and slipped a copy of the baby scan with “see you in February” written on the back inside the card. Once everyone was settled onto the couches in the living room, waiting for dinner to be ready, you handed them out and sat down in Calum’s lap, taking a sip of your drink to try and hide the excitement on your face.

It was so amusing to observe the reactions that were representative of each couple. Michael and Crystal gasped and cheered, immediately pulling you and Calum into tight hugs. Ashton and KayKay were more reserved, but whispers of love and encouragement and happiness into your ears were so lovely and cherished. The tears in Sierra’s eyes, and the comfort of Luke’s squeeze of his arms around your waist said more than they could ever put into words.

The emotional celebrations soon turned into teasing jibes, and Ashton’s pitch for a new line of 5SOS baby merch. (“Come on guys, a baby-sized bucket hat? Tiny hoodies? Wildflower plush toys? A lullabies album? I’m telling you, there’s a whole WORLD of opportunity for us opening up right now!”), and you couldn’t help but feel both overjoyed and overwhelmed at how much this little baby was going to be surrounded with love and support for every day of their life.

The months carried on, and your once invisible baby bump grew and grew. You and Calum cleared out a spare room for the nursery, and got lost in furniture shopping and paint swatches and reading every parenting book you could get your hands on. There were doctors appointments, and birthing classes; lists of potential baby names on the fridge, and consulting your dog trainer on how best to introduce old man Duke to the idea of a new arrival.

As December approached, and you started getting into the festive spirit, Calum began returning to the studio as he and the guys toyed with some potential new directions for the next album. All of them had studios built into their homes, so they could meet and work together in relative safety, which was reassuring. You were standing over the kitchen sink one day, rinsing out the pan you’d used to make eggs for breakfast, when a searing pain in your abdomen had you groaning in discomfort and gripping onto the kitchen counter for dear life. The pain eased momentarily, and then came back stronger, and you managed to grab your phone from the counter and dial Calum’s number frantically as you gasped for breath.

The next few hours were a blur; Calum raced home to find you curled up in pain on the kitchen floor, Ashton and the paramedics were quick to follow him inside. They put you in an ambulance and took you straight to the hospital; you and Calum were gripping each other’s hand so tightly that your knuckles were white with stress.

The doctors determined you were in pre-term labour, and soon enough you were in a delivery room panting and pushing and crying out to Calum for comfort. It was all so terrifying and overwhelming but he was doing his best to ground you, brushing his fingers through your hair and holding your hand and whispering sweet nothings into your ear. When you finally delivered the baby, a hush fell over the room, and you could tell from the look on the faces of your doctor and nurses that something wasn’t right. 

The silence continued, and your heart broke when you realised that the baby hadn’t started to cry like you’d expected. The nurses had moved the infant over to another station, suctioning their airway and connecting them up to all manner of tubes and wires, but after a few moments your doctor told you the news. It was a baby girl, but her heartbeat wasn’t there. She’d come into the world and gone out again, just like that.

--

“I know a lot of people struggle to talk about stillbirths, and losing children, and it’s such a deeply personal thing so I get it. But it’s also grief, and loss, and emotions that you feel whenever you lose anyone you love. If there’s one thing I wish we could do more, as people in general, it’s discuss how we feel, and normalise having emotions, because it brings you closer and makes you feel less alone.” You spoke softly, blinking away the tears that had started to well in your eyes.

Andy nodded gently at you, before a quiet “Cal?” with an encouraging flick of his head.

Calum cleared his throat and glanced over at you before speaking. 

“I think that’s a huge part of why we wanted to be here today and talk about not only our relationship but losing Matilda in particular. It’s a sensitive topic, I know, especially for men, but holding back and bottling up your emotions isn’t good for anyone. Without her support in getting me to open up, or having the boys to listen to me cry and help me get some of my feelings out, in words and on this album, I don’t think I’d be in as good a place as I am now. It’s dark to think about, but important not to ignore, I think.”

“You’re so right, Cal. And Matilda is always going to be a part of our story, and we’re never going to forget how much we loved her and how much closer together she brought us,” You began, pausing briefly to squeeze Calum’s hand that had settled on your swollen stomach, “And when our little rainbow baby arrives in the next few weeks, I can’t wait to tell them about their sister, and how much she would’ve loved to meet them, but now she’s watching over them instead.”

“Exactly. We’re always going to have had Matilda, and then this little one, and however many others we decide to try and bring into the world. But it’s the love that builds you and the loss that breaks you that makes us who we are. Forever and always.” Calum’s voice was emotional, but also firm and calm, as he looked down at you and kissed you intently, his hand never leaving its spot on your bump, where your little rainbow baby was kickly softly at the sound of his voice.

“Forever and always.” You agreed, inhaling deeply and feeling a sense of deep peace and content wash over you.

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