#''existing in the same room as someone else while you dont interact and give each other no attention''

[psalmsofpsychosis]

Like, the fact that the closer someone physically sits to me, the more i "feel" them. It's something that has always been so fascinating to me. You could say something to me from across the room and it could be something kind and caring and i wont feel a single damn thing because you're standing across the room; but you sit beside me and out thighs touch and you could be talking about groceries and i feel so goddamn much, i feel the tone of every word. Physical proximity is massive to me, i dont feel like my words carry at all if i dont touch the other person, so i'm often patting backs and shoulders, hugging, etc.

I think a lot of people have been kind to me in the past and i didnt feel their kindness at all and simply intrepreted the moment as cold and lonely because they took two sits further from me or sat across the room and i really cannot feel people across physical distance. On occasions i actively intrepret physical distance as hostility– not that the person is trying to be hostile, but that the further someone sits the lonelier i feel and that scares me.

[lvlyhao]

『you’re dating him but he’s not your bias』

reaction fic; NCT Dream

A/N: this is nct dream’s reaction to realizing your bias is not him (and you’re a couple). gender neutral, got way too deep at some points and was NOT meant to be this long. enjoy.

note that english is my second language and i speak mixing slang, accents and spellings from 3283928 places so i did notice there’s practice written with both s and c down there so

just dont mind it pls

also, today’s photo theme is dream looking cute in low quality shots.

𝓖𝓮𝓷𝓻𝓮𝓼: fluff (♡), angst (❆), comedy (☼), crack (⍢).

𝓦𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼: lots of swearing, my tough love for the neos, one mention of cheating that doesn’t actually happen, a couple of mentions of alcohol and drinking, some violence hidden in metaphors, me being chaotic, it got a bit more angsty and darker than i intended, but we do have all happy endings.

word count: 6.8K

pairing: nct dream members x reader ( includes mark, renjun, jeno, haechan, jaemin, chenle, jisung)

disclaimer: the characters in the story below do not reflect real people or present real facts. this is purely fictional, and you may not copy, change, translate or repost my work in any way. all rights reserved © cherry-hyejin 2021.

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

Mark

oh, poor baby

i feel like he would be a little heartbroken 

just a little

not so much if it’s someone from dream, because they’re his little brothers, but if it’s one of his hyungs from 127 or wayv,,,,,

boy might cry

he’s not super dramatic about it or anything but i don’t see him as being super confident about himself

so he might think like

“do they think he’s cooler than me?”

and it’s silly, yes, he knows

but it’s just something that pops up in his mind sometimes when you bring him up

so for the sake of this fanfic let’s pretend you’re johnny biased

because gods know i am

at least when it comes to 127

mark would be divided into fanboying with you and being like “YO, HE’S THE COOLEST GUY ON EARTH OH MY GOD I’M SO GLAD YOU AGREE”

and

“a h”

<gives you a little tiny smile to cover up the sound of his heart breaking>

would constantly try to get closer to you when johnny is around, and just

showing off in little (kinda dumb) ways

complimenting you

being even more whipped than usual

like yes he’ll give you all of his watermelon slices just please don’t look at johnny like that again

i think johnny would kind of play into it with the whole “imma steal your s/o” thing

and he doesn’t do it to make mark jealous or hurt

we know he’d rather get hit by a train than ever actually upsetting his son on purpose

but we also know he’s johnny

cue “OH DUDE HE’S FLIRTING”

so yeah he might call you lil pet names (beautiful, cutie, you get it)

just to see you giggle 

(and see your soul leave your body)

might say he’s taking you out for dinner when he’s just driving you to get more ice cream for a movie night with the gang lol

and winks

expect a lot of winks

anywhere and anytime

which makes mark sometimes feel like he’s intruding???

and that you appreciate johnny more than him???

he genuinely doesn’t understand how you can date him and still not have him as your bias

don’t you like, love him above everyone else or smth lol

his “showing off” phase eventually fades tho

now every time you hang you with the boys and johnny is around, he’ll be a bit more distant 

he thinks he’s giving you space to interact with his friends but he’s just shying away from competing with one of his favourite people ever

and it’s a competition that Does Not Exist™

but he’s not 100% aware of that

and you’re not that dense 

so ofc you notice

and you wait till you two are alone to talk to him, and he BEGRUDGINGLY admits that you being johnny biased makes him feel kinda small and unimportant

he’d never try to make you change your bias or anything

he just needs reminders that he’s your #1 boy sometimes

which is fine by you

and by him

cus now it’s you calling him pet names all the time

and hugging him

and kissing his cheek

and praising his work

and blowing kisses from across the room

and just telling him straight up that no matter what, you’ll always go to him

(not that you ever had any chance with johnny lmao)

THIS GOES TO SHOW COMMUNICATING IS KEY, CHILDREN

COMMUNICATE

Renjun

wym donghyuck is your bias lol

literally are you fucking kidding him

don’t get me wrong ok

everyone knows renjun loves haechan

they’re bffs and could not live without each other

but at the same time,,,

what is wrong with you

who did he choose as his s/o gods help him

if it was jeno, or mark, or jaehyun, or winwin, or kun, or lucas, or yuta, or taeyong, or ten, or,,,,

literally ANY of his other members

he’d understand your point and be like “ok fine”

but haechan???? hmmm bestie no

he’s not gonna throw a fit

not after the first time you told him anyways

HE WAS SURPRISED OKAY

and he just whined very loudly after having laughed for 5 minutes thinking it was a joke

<flashbacks of that one time he had to sing the ottoke song with haechan on weekly idol>

if you don’t know that iconic scene, renjun had a whole ass meltdown in 3 seconds while yelling “aAAAAAH JINJJAAAAA” and getting ready to punch the living shit out of hyuck

for no reason other than the fact that it’s haechan we’re talking about and injun’s little body is filled with rage

BACK ON TRACK

would probably try to act all cool about it and be like “i don’t mind” but bruh does he mind

and it doesn’t help that haechan is such a little shit about it

he doesn’t even flirt with you

he just

constantly reminds renjun that he’s your bias—not him—and then constantly praises himself over you

“ah, y/n~ did you choose me as your bias because i’m the best vocalist? or was it because i’m the best dancer? mAYBE IT WAS BECAUSE OF MY OH SO BROAD SHOULDERS—”

(pause for injun to punch him)

(unpaused)

and ok in the beginning it was funny seeing him all worked up but now it’s just annoying to be in the same room as these two

haechan won’t let either of you live

and renjun just wants to

fight

so it eventually gets to the point where you’ll talk to renjun and jeno will talk to hyuck cus even the other dreamies are tired of it

except maybe for chenle, he always laughs his ass off when they start bickering

ANYWAY

your conversation goes something like “oh my god renjun i’m literally dating you, i don’t like haechan better or anything you little pile of fury”

while jeno sits hyuck down in front of him and jaemin and just

“bro why are you like this”

“bro”

no but renjun would apologize for going overboard with his protectiveness and jealous energy because he’s not generally like that

he’s angry all the time but never about something involving you, you know

he tries his best to treat you like the royalty you are

but something about hyuck being your bias makes him feel a bit like a castaway???

he’s very creative and as an artsy kid myself i know we’re very prone to feeling left out because we’re just different from the others

so he’d think maybe haechan really has a better voice

or better dancing skills

or he looks better

he is taller than injun after all, and has broader shoulders, and his hair is all fluffy and—

the whole thing just made him insecure about things he had settled with himself long ago

he was fine with being him

but not so much when it came to that

i don’t think you two would fight over it cus tbh i think renjun would really only get with someone who can be very understanding of him

and i think hyuck would actually apologize to renjun too

not when everyone’s around but like, maybe after dinner or something and he just needs to feel like they’re besties again

hyuck never meant for things to get out of control

he just really likes both injun and you as his friends, and aside from skinship his most prominent love language is,,,

teasing

he was really just trying (very poorly) to grow closer to the person his best friend loves so much—you—because renjun is SUCH a big part of his life it would just feel wrong to not be good friends with you as well

don’t tell them i said this but they hug it out

injun strikes me as someone that could take a bit of time to bounce back from something that hurt his pride or his sense of belonging

and his way of healing and bonding is just,,,

art

sure, keep being haechan biased, but also please read with him

and talk about his fantastic animal creations

and watch those buzzfeed unsolved alien theory videos because he really wants to discuss it and maybe even draw what he thinks the aliens look like

hyuck tones it down, you make sure renjun knows you like him for him, renjun starts to (secretly) appreciate hyuck’s talent along with you...

and now let’s take a moment to imagine the minute you watch their latest mv with injun by your side

and yes okay the first thing you see is CLEARLY how good renjun looks because holy fucking shit he’s an angel (and i’m clearly not renjun biased)

but then,,,,,,

wAS THAT A HAECHAN HIGH NOTE

(there’s always a haechan high note, just look for it)

and ok maybe he did scream a bit with you because of how good it all sounded

and you know what, it works out perfectly bc you two are my new otp and you were meant for each other

but we do have to mention the eventual happening of chenle saying like “oOoOoOoH y/N wErE yOu dRoOliNg oVeR hAeChAn AgAiN” after a special stage

and then you, injun and hyuck all attempt to choke him

i’m kidding

or not

Jeno

ah, lee jeno

aka samoyed boi

yes i do call him that no i will not stop

everyone is always writing jeno as being super protective and literally about to burst a lung if someone else ever does as much as look at you

but i just 

don’t see him that way

he’s a taurus and from what i know about taurus they can be v v jealous, yes, but they mainly seek comfort

so he’s fine with you biasing jaemin

as long as you’re not ditching him or anything lol

and ok, imma be 100% honest here even if it sounds like literal no fun (jenojaem wink wonk)

jaemin doesn’t flirt with you

not any more than he flirts with

every other breathing creature

ever

he’s really only platonically interested in you, never remotely romantic or anything lol

on the other side, he is in love with jeno

basically, if jaemin is your bias, jeno is his

so nothing really changes

we know how nomin are, okay

they hold hands, they stare deeply into each other eyes, they nearly kiss at least once every time they go live

it's just them

you gotta respect it bruh

i know this is the most boring reaction ever so let’s create the one (1) instance where jeno would actually dislike that you bias someone else

i think he would feel a bit hurt if you seemed to be more supportive of jaemin’s work than his

and it’s not something big or on purpose

it’s just something like going with him to a recording session but not going with jeno because you have homework

or after a very busy practise day going to praise jaemin first

even if it’s just three words

“you did good”

and then you’re going towards him, he’s gonna feel like maybe he doesn’t deserve your praise as much as nana????

i actually feel like, among the dreamies, jeno is the least confident one when it comes to his performance

he knows he’s not an awful rapper or anything but i think it can be a bit too much, being around such bright and huge presences like the others while his nickname literally means “no fun”

his members are just so loud and full of energy most of the time

and sometimes he just really needs to be quiet and observe in silence 

(yes i do know he’s chaotic and a crackhead, i’m just saying as we know he can be a bit introspective)

so what if you just

stopped seeing him?

did he become invisible to you?

did you finally fall for jaemin’s beautiful smile and stupid pick-up lines?

he’s not gonna let it show that he’s affected, though

earth signs are nearly always the ones to “stay strong” because we have this image that people are relying on us???

so we do what we do

bottle everything up and overwork ourselves bc we only got two modes

1. chill, super balanced and down to earth (ay for the pun)

2. please make us take a break we’re literally about to cry if we work for one more minute but we can’t allow ourselves to fucking take it easy

so yes you’ve guessed correctly, we’re going with 2

jeno is going to go so, SO hard on everything he does 

literally every single activity you can think of from dance practice to photoshoots to cooking for the dreamies

he stays up later than usual to get that one tricky move in the choreo just right

he works out more because he thinks he has to look absolutely perfect for when they shoot the mv

jisung asked for ramen? he’s making it but you bet your ass he’s spending over 40 minutes just chopping so

many

vegetables

AND STUFF THAT JISUNG WON’T EVEN EAT

but he’s doing it anyway for the reason being that it just has to be the Best™

and it’s not like he’s competing with anyone else to be diligent

this is just about being better than he was and showing himself—and maybe you—how painstakingly hardworking and driven he can be

maybe then you’re gonna acknowledge him as much as you acknowledge nana :((

:(((((

writing this is making me downright sad, jeno is so underrated and unaware of his power UGH

and i need to point out this is NOT about making you change your bias from jaemin to him, this is solely about having you recognize his efforts, even if you already do

if you just thought jeno was like going off in work because it was asked of him to, jaemin would DEF notice and talk to you about it

turns out it’s a habit of jeno to go extra hard sometimes and he needs someone to make him take a break

so it goes down like you breaking into the practice room when jeno and jisung were practising

the first reaction is confusion

the second is oh hey babe how are you

third is

a-are you dragging jeno and his bag out of the door while screeching at jisung to order pizza and doughnuts for everyone??

yes you are and i’m proud of you

so jeno is still confused and making those cute “hUh” noises he does omg i love him so much

and you’re just rambling about how much of an amazing artist he is, and you love his voice, and he’s a fantastic dancer, and his expressions and gestures are on point, and he takes such good care of the dreamies and

he’s perfect

and he knows jaemin must have talked to you, and he feels so vulnerable to have you know how on edge he’s been

baby boy just needs some rest

and that’s exactly what you give him, with a bath full of those fancy bath bombs and flower petals and candles at your house/apt

then a quick sheet mask while you massage his shoulders and keep saying how much you genuinely admire him

the mask might be ruined cus he started crying out of exhaustion

after that’s been done and you’ve hugged for at least like 5 min nonstop, you head over to the dorms, where hyuck was in charge of setting up a blanket fort while mork and nana gather board games, jisung gets the food and chenle

well chenle just had to make sure jisung doesn’t forget to order for someone and doesn’t break like 10 plates trying to set the table lol

this is way longer than the others so imma wrap it up

make it obvious and loud that you see and respect jeno’s hard work and he’ll be alright again

and maybe make those game nights a weekly thing when possible, it would make him very happy

he’ll never again feel sad when you praise jaemin cus now he’s sure he does enough, and above all, he is enough

Haechan

haechan = full sun

why would you ever bias someone when you’re dating the goddamned sun

does not understand

but also does not care that much

actually, one out of two really depending on who your bias is

if it’s one of the members he has that tom/jerry relationship with, prepare for so

much

complaining

and clinging

AND HE’D BE SO LOUD OH MY FUCKING GOD

donghyuck please stop screaming about doyoung not deserving to be your baby’s bias, it’s 2 am

on the other hand, if it’s one of the (few) members he,,,

adores with all of his heart and is not afraid to show it

ex: sungchan, jaehyun, taeil and yang2x

then you can bet he’s going to be right beside you whenever you feel like throwing a fit because he’s just so handsome and talented

IF IT’S MARK OSHDISJD

i’m going to write you as being mark biased ok? ok

i honestly don’t know if he’d feel more jealous of mark or of you

he loves you both

a lot,,,,

and he really doesn’t like it when mark blushes when you compliment him

and he doesn’t like it when mark literally just walks past you and you trip over your feet because bro tf u doing, that’s some embarrassing shit

lowkey done with you two

but also PAY HIM SOME ATTENTION

or don’t, he’s fine either way (cue crossed arms and staring at you from across the room until you come give him a kiss)

“he’s pretty cute but i’m cuter right baby”

pouty pouty pouty if he ever feels neglected

will be so fucking annoying lmao i can’t write haechan, i love him but i do understand why renjun is always trying to beat him up

he’d be a show-off in a different way than mark because he can be so petty

will take every chance he gets to pull a one-liner

will sing everything he has to say just so you know he can hit those high notes

what do you mean dream doesn’t have a schedule today

oh man, he could swear they did

because that is the sole reason why he’s wearing his most expensive clothes and shoes + makeup to walk around the dorms, yes

no he doesn’t want to impress you

shut up

will text you like every single fancam he sees on twitter

every

single 

one

and are they mark’s?

lol no, they’re his

he is so genuinely trying to make you a member of his sunflower cult 

<whispers> “tell me i’m your bias” 

“donghyuck what the actual hell why are you standing at the end of my bed in the middle of the night like a fucking demon child”

he really wants to act all cool and composed but he wants to be your bias so fucking bad

he’s a bad bitch all around and just does whatever

cus haechan privilege

and he tends to not care about what people say and think???

bc he knows he’s lee donghyuck

he’s fully aware of the effect he has on people

but you

not biasing him

naw, he can’t take it

will do anything and everything he can to make you say, JUST ONE TIME, he’s your bias

then you can go back to loving (his) mark

so for your sake, for his sake, for mark’s sake

just give donghyuck what he wants

i can promise he’ll keep being an ass no matter what you do

like yeah did you just buy him coffee and his favourite cake? well that’s sweet but iS HE YOUR BIAS YET

“aw babe thanks so much for taking a bullet for me but now please say i’m your bias”

if you still don’t do it, it’s time to be extra petty

will actually drop you for mark

his logic is something like: he can’t be your bias? pity, so he’s just gonna date him instead

and mark is mark so he has no idea what’s going on

everyone in 127 and dream finds this absolutely hilarious cus suddenly donghyuck seems to be doing his best to win over mark’s heart and i mean more than usual???? and he’s treating you like his bro????

<you leaving the dorms to go to uni or smth so you go to hyuck for a goodbye kiss> “no can do, i’m committed”

“i’m your partner”

“no that’s mark”

it’s not 100% a joke when i say i can see him getting down in one knee to propose to mark while making eye contact with you to

assert his dominance

and mark is just

“dude

what HAHAHA”

and you are so done, i’m so sorry you have to go through that bby

i don’t think there’s another way to fix haechan other than just admitting he was your bias for an era, or a comeback or something

like yeah with the other dreamies before him it’s bonding + healing time bc i wrote it all kinda angsty (lol sorry) but with donghyuck

no

“will you stop this if i say you were my bias during reload era”

“mark wasn’t in dream that era tho”

“yes i know”

i say he’s gonna take what he can get and now things can finally go back to normal

with the exception that something else comes along with hyuck being satisfied with you biasing him

he just has a full pass to fanboy over mark now too

what am i talking about?

new 127 mv is out

you: watching it beside haechan and going off about how pretty mark looks

him: going off even harder bc he’s whipped too

this is what a happy couple looks like 

but now i pity mark because he has you two idiots fanboying over him irl

savemork2021

Jaemin

nana is just such a chill and fun guy

i can’t see him being actually jealous or anything if he finds out you bias someone else

and so the two of you become insufferable together

bitch, i’m telling you

he (ur bias) is not gonna have one peaceful day ever again in his entire life

cus you know the thing jaemin does where he just looks at someone doing some random shit and goes “oOoOoH sExY”

yes that thing

he’s doing it to your bias 

and you’re doing it too

and your bias probably wants to run away to some very far away land

PLEASE IF IT’S JISUNG

i’m not gonna write this whole thing as if you bias him but let’s just imagine

two fully grown people

pilling on top of poor, poor park jisung playing games on his phone

“URI JISUNGIEEEEEE

MWOYA, MWOYAAAA~"

i genuinely think he would avoid being around you two at the same time

cus individually he can handle it

like yes y/n please let me go this hug has lasted for about 4 minutes now

or oh hi jaemin hyung my cheeks hurt when you pinch them that hard

but when you two are together

bruh

a power couple not bc you two are v confident or some shit but bc you can and will be extremely affectionate towards anyone that comes too close

and now let’s talk about how it would be if you biased jaehyun

jaemin loves jaehyun

they’re 2jae

2jae are soulmates

therefore,,,, it’s also kinda hellish but in a different way???

bc 2jae are on the end of that spectrum about the neos that know how in love the entire world is with them

they’re too powerful

they’re aware of their charm and they do everything they can to rub it in our faces

so the flirting between 2jae and you would be insane

and i mean insane

insane as in even johnny is kinda disgusted tbh bc

they’re doing a photo shoot with the 23 of them for some shit, idk don’t ask me

and of course, you had to tag along

but oh my god you three, please stop calling each other sexy/hot in weird voices now, the staff is staring

there are def rumours the 3 of you are a poly couple lmao

jaehyun denies everything on social media (throwback to saying “no way lol” when we asked if he REALLY slept in the same bed as jungwoo)

but every piece of content there is of you and jaemin or you and jaehyun or just them is so ridiculously flirty

you can bet there are compilations on youtube like 

“y/n being in love with 2jae for 8 minutes heterosexual”

ok i was having way too much fun with that, moving on

i don’t think he’d ever be actually upset about you biasing someone else

he trusts you and treasures you a lot so he doesn’t see the problem in you also appreciating another one of his members

bc gods know he does

he’s a bit in love with everyone so why shouldn’t you be too lol

one time he would feel a bit blue because of it???

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

i think it’s possible he’d turn pouty or whiny or just kinda needy (not in a bad way, he just misses you) when he’s like

done with people

and needs some time away from everything

we know he’s an introvert, even if he acts very, very loud around the boys and it’s honestly just a matter of time until an introvert grows tired of being around humans

it depends on each person, of course, but there’s a 99% chance every once in a while he’ll start to feel too drained

and he’ll need a break to get his energy back

jaemin would probably want you around even when he feels like that, though

i see you being such a big source of comfort for him in a relationship

he enjoys taking care of people so please take care of him too

and for just this one day don’t talk about your bias that much, or don’t leave nana to go over to him to chat

and just cuddle him a lot

that will make him a smiley baby again

and then things are back to how they normally are

and by that i mean most neos hiding from you because they’re scared 

i don’t have a lot to say aside from that so let’s think about the neos that would be the most intimidated by your shared thot aura

dotae would be confused in different ways lol

taeyong would be just ????????????blush/awkward smile/hahaha??????

and doyoung might actually ask what is wrong with you

<points to jeno and his s/o> “why can’t you be like them”

mark would laugh-scream and slap his knee into oblivion whenever you two are cornering him

but then go super shy and be like “dUDE DON’T DO THAT”

resident confident gay jungwoo would rejoice in the attention and make so many goddamned jokes

a literal comedian i love him

i think sicheng and renjun would be on the same wavelength of repugnance towards you lol

chenle would deadass call you weird and tell you to leave him alone

shotaro and kun might faint (or kun will panic-scold you)

taeil is as confused by affection as usual (have you seen the face he makes when haechan kisses him LMFAO he’s smiling but like wondering wtf happened on the inside)

ten is not very amused but might play into it

yangyang: that’s disgusting, man (cue flashbacks to that live with renjun after the from home stage where renjun pretended to lick his hand and slick his hair back,,, catboy injun,,, you know the one)

xiaojun and hendery are such panicked gays they just turn to stare at whoever else is around and make that “help” expression like they’re on the office

haechan is haechan, kinda doesn’t mind it

jeno is used to dealing with this at this point

lucas and yuta love the attention but while yuta will flirt right back lucas is just gonna smile and try to jop his way out of there while screaming

sungchan will go hide behind haechan and say “hyung they’re being dumbasses again”

this turned into ‘how would nct react to you and jaemin being super flirty together’ and i’m not sorry

Chenle

chenle is so fun to write i love him lmao

okay so

he doesn’t strike me as the possessive type with anyone other than jisung (bc i swear he can be a bit jelly towards his bestie but i think it comes with sungie being the sweetest bean ever, he’s just protective)

he’s such a ray of sunshine and witty jokes and dolphin laughter i love him

back to the plot

he literally couldn’t care less about you biasing someone else

b u t

i will say there’s an exception

this exception is tall, kinda lanky, very awkward and born on the 5th of february

you’ve guessed it, it’s jisung

i think most of the time he’d tease THE SHIT out of you for it because c’mon

you had 22 chances not to mess up

and you still somehow ended up biasing jisung? lol do better next time

and this is not me and chenle hating on jisung, please—

he’d just find it funny that your bias is his best friend and

hold the fuck up

your bias is his best friend

oH NO NO NO NO NO

i think after realizing that he would lowkey try to keep you two apart because he’s somehow jealous of both????

and if he can’t help it then you can bet your ass he will be screaming all along

it’s his sweet, dummy jisung

with his sweeter and dummier y/n

what is he going to do

probably has a mini-breakdown with kun because like he’s always wanted you two to get along bUT NOT LIKE THAT

kun will just sigh like the tired father he is and pet his back while saying “there, there”

and a genius idea is going to come to chenle’s mind

you know the teasing thing?

well it’s upgrade time

he’s gonna turn into such a try-hard with tmi and embarrassing shit you two have done

and he’s not trying to stop you from being friends

he just wants you to like

know who you’re befriending

bc i think since he’s really really close to jisung, he doesn’t want you getting closer to him bc you like his idol side alone

and he doesn’t want jisung getting close to you just because you’re his partner either

if you had high hopes for each other and ended up kinda falling face-first into the ground bc it was nothing like you had imagined—

he’d be so broken

because he loves you so much :((((

so like, if you can get past the teasing and annoying barrier he’s putting up, he’ll be more than happy to have two of the most important people in his life being buddies

so get ready for it

if you’re the type of person to go batshit crazy when you drink, oh boy, oh boy

so you and the dreamies are just having dinner when lele feels like it’s the perfect time to disclose some of your drunken adventures

“hey y/n”

“yeah babe?”

“remember that time you got really really drunk on vodka and candy and wanted to call your mom”

“chenle the hell don’t talk ab—”

“but then you tried using the microwave as a phone”

“...”

“...”

“or that other time you were equally as drunk and watched the make a wish mv and cried because you noticed the height difference between xiaojun hyung and lucas hyung”

yeah so now’s the part you get up to chase him around the dorms and try to land a kick

BUT WORRY NOT, HE’LL MAKE SURE TO EMBARRASS JISUNG JUST AS MUCH

he likes doing that when it’s just the three of you though

so picture this

movie night the girls boys

chenle would 100% pick the most terrifying horror movie he can find so that he could see jisung clinging to whoever’s closest to him

and then right before a jumpscare, he’d whisper like

“jisung”

“w-what”

“why don’t you do that thing you were doing while you slept last night”

(honestly, i’d be mildly scared if i heard lele say this with no context at all)

and then the jumpscare happens and jisung is nearly fainting and crying at the same time

but chenle is laughing

and trying to get out what he wants to tell you between wheezes

“he-he” <dolphin wheeze> “hE WAS SINGING CHEER UP BY TWICE WHILE SLEEPING” <more wheezes>

and look this is just gonna go on for weeks until you and jisung are over it

and stop being weird and awkward around each other

lele needs you two to be bros ok

so be bros

once you do adapt to being pals with your bias i think chenle would take the teasing down a notch just to make you more comfortable

and like he’s so happy now the three of you can hang out and there’s just no tension

happy chenle is the thing i love the most i swear to gods

and if you don’t adapt to it?

well,,,

i honestly think he’d be pretty disappointed, cus it means to him one of you isn’t ready to fully embrace the weirdness within????

and like what u scared of

jisung is a weirdo, what about it, so are you

either that or he’d think you’re maybe being judgemental

so yeah please accept jisungie and your dumbass boyfriend

then everyone can be besties

i love thinking about the three of you as just this hellbound chaotic trio

because chenji already wreak havoc wherever they go as the two of them

but now that you’re coming along,,,,

no neo would escape from your pranks ever again (and even members of other groups lmfao watch out sehun, i’m talking to you)

and it’s so incredible infuriating in a good way that it just turns to be endearing

you’re cute as fuck so no one gets actually mad with the shit you pull????

which is dangerous, someone should really keep an eye out on the three of you 

we don’t need sm to be on fire

well we kinda do cus they’re pretty bad but not my point

i said somewhere above that chenle would tone the teasing down but i don’t mean he’d stop

bc c’mon guys

he’s chenle

no limits here

but sorry, i really cannot write jealous!chenle cus his heart is just too pure and filled with joy for him to be jealous for real

last scenario?

chenle after a comeback stage: ya y/n, i was gonna ask how was my performance today but you were probably more focused on jisung’s arms right

jisung is choking on water somewhere behind you

Jisung

it’s maknae time <plays i.n’s maknae on top>

i don’t mean to picture jisung as being like

ridiculously innocent or just downright naive because i really dislike it when people do that

he’s a literal 19 yo and jaemin himself has said he’s not as innocent as we think lol

however

i do see him as being quite new to all things love 

i think you’d probably be his first partner and with first relationships comes a lot of other firsts

first kiss maybe, first time holding hands, first time being jealous….

first time being jealous, yes, focus on that

i don’t think jisung would be aware that like

you not biasing him is even a possibility

cuz you’re dating

doesn’t that come along????

ah poor baby i love him

if you biased chenle i think he’d be just

disgusted and weirded out but okay?? you do you i guess???

he’s comfortable enough with lele to not feel intimidated

but if it’s another member

ESPECIALLY one of the oldest ones

i think it would be a blow straight to his confidence 

you biasing ten, kun, taeil, taeyong, doyoung or johnny and maybe yuta would make him feel a bit hesitant and concerned

his first thought would probably be that you don’t like being with someone as young as him

and who knows, maybe you’re even younger than him, maybe you’re the same age, but what if you actually like older guys??

what about him then???

and jisung doesn’t mean to feel so worried and insecure, ok, pls understand where i’m coming from

first relationships normally take like a very long time to build trust and acceptance of the other person’s feelings bc it’s literally a whole new world for you

and that goes extra hard for jisung because he is so fucking whipped for you it’s still hard to believe you like him as much

and it absolutely does not cross his mind that you’d cheat on him with your bias, GODS NO

he really respects you and his hyungs 

so no, never

that’s not a thing that can happen

but you realize you’re too good for him and maybe see he doesn’t fit your ideal type?

well, yes, that’s what he’s thinking

probably goes straight to chenle or renjun (he talks about renjun so much asjahj) to vent and ask for advice

i think they’d be surprised to see what’s going on inside his pretty little head because it’s so obvious for everyone that you just adore jisung

and they do tell him that

however, i don’t think it would completely calm his nerves, and again, this has nothing to do with not trusting you

it’s just that

his hyungs are so cool…

HE CAN’T HELP IT OK

would probably try to mirror your bias (i’m saying it’s taeyong for the sake of what i’ve imagined ok) and like

grasp onto some of his qualities?

so in his mind taeyong is: nice, sweet, caring, amazing, perfect, smart, perfect, sexy, mature and did i mention perfect

i can see him trying some new rap styles that mimic tyong’s a bit???

like would lowkey learn his raps from cherry bomb and superm’s one and listen to recordings frequently to pick up on how taeyong does it

i think he’d also just change the way he acts in general to dodge a bit from his maknae image

so now he tries to speak with a more formal-ish language and learns random facts about things you like to seem more intelligent???

“good morning y/n, you look as beautiful as one of voiello’s paintings today :]”

“wait i thought that was a pasta brand”

he’s just trying to show you he can be mature and serious if you want him to

long story short, he’s not acting like himself (not that he’s childish, he’s just out of it) and you don’t like it, so you ask about it and wait for him to feel comfortable with sharing

when he does talk about it breaks your heart so much :((

you’re going to need some patience to try and show him you’d choose him, and not your bias, even if you had the chance

they’re completely different people and you love him BECAUSE he’s jisung, not for any other reason

please reassure him so he can go back to acting like his authentic self, i think it would be such a relief for him too

your words and affection are obviously enough for him, but if it ever happens that he feels especially low and insecure again, it would help if your bias talks to him too

and taeyong wouldn’t have a problem with it

actually, scratch that, taeyong probably knew what was going on all along

he just has that motherly 7th sense (ay) that is even more acute with the dreamies cus like 

127 has him, wayv has kun, but dream has…

the dreamies

and that, my friend, is terrifying

anyway he’d come to talk to jisung asking like “what’s wrong buddy :(“ and sungie would be a bit ashamed because it sounds so silly when you say it out loud

of course tyong wouldn’t judge him, and he just really has to tell jisung what is it you and he are always talking about

it’s him

“when they come around to talk and hang out here it all goes back to you, jisungie. they can’t spend one second without mentioning your name

it’s so cute; it’s always like ‘oh jisung would love this’ or ‘jisung likes it that way’

so please be kinder to yourself and let yourself see that they’re in love with you, not with me and not with any other member they ever mention”

jisung would feel 10000000% better

and smiley

and giggly

and oh my god do you really talk about him that much

LOOK HE’S BLUSHING

would just go over to your house immediately and hug you, burying his face on your neck from behind you

and not let go

ever again

the whole situation just teaches him a lot about accepting your love for him and not questioning it 

shut up i’m not crying

---

final notes: this was my first work after the humanity series and it was so fun lol i think next up is probs gonna be an ideal type scenario for ot23 (but if i really write it i’m gonna post it by subunit and its gonna be way shorter than this, don’t expect 23K words at once lmao)

if you’ve enjoyed this fic please consider reading my humanity series, which is a zombie apocalypse au with kun <3

[upthewitchypunx]

im really confused on how people say both that there are rules to witchcraft and how to interact with the spiritual world while also saying its all up to your beliefs and you dont have to do certain things if you dont want to. I'm confused as to where the line is drawn here.

I think about this, like, a lot. Someone responded to one of my posts with a "lol! Whatever, witchcraft doesn't have any rules!" and, like, maybe their version of witchcraft doesn't? I could have responded to it but I didn't because I didn't think they wanted to have an actual conversation about it, I’ve found that most people don’t.  But since you seem generally interested, let's talk about this. The first two things to understand are that there is no one way to practice witchcraft and that everyone comes to witchcraft for different reasons. Most existing magical traditions do indeed have rules or at least existing structures and ethics, that's what makes them a tradition and most of these are religious in nature if that helps you understand more of a context of rules. Not like Christianity where you go to hell or whatever if you break rules, more that they are guidelines to follow. These witchcraft and magical traditions get passed down and that keeps them in the same form.

The elephant in the room when we are discussing modern witchcraft is WIcca, which is a specific neo-pagan religion beginning in the middle of the last century. It was originally initiatory based, meaning you had to study to be initiated into a specific existing  group of the mystery religion. Wicca is even conflated with witchcraft where some people use it interchangeably. Wicca is pretty much how witchcraft entered the modern mainstream and there are several varieties even in Wicca. This led to several books being published but all under the idea that Wicca was a witchcraft religion. There was lots of this in the 90s and many books that claim to be witchcraft are based in Wicca. So, the "rules" of Wicca permeated modern witchcraft because it was the most visible. Not to say that there weren't other magical traditions existing like Traditional Witchcraft, Appalachian folk magic traditions, African Diasporic traditions (the ones that actually identify as witchcraft), and other traditions. These all have rules and connections to land and culture and community.

The second part I said was that we all come to witchcraft for different reasons. For some it is seeking religion, some it is community, some it is a general interest in the occult, some it is a drawn to alternative spirituality, and for some it is self-care, some it is a deep love of science and a search for ways to see the world differently using our brains. All of these reasons are valid and each of those reasons would look for something different in a practice they see to enter or build.

So, I think the "no rulez!" crowd are doing some knee-jerk reacting to what they perceive to be Wiccan like the "Wiccan Rede" with the phrase " An ye harm none, do what ye will" . "rede" literally means advice, not a rule. Or "the three-fold law" that suggests whatever you send out into the world you will get back x3. Which, again, is more like advice but also started specifically Wiccan and has permeated into general pagan spaces. Not all witches follow it, but it doesn't stop some Wiccans from assuming everyone does.  I generally don't take the "no rulez!" crowd very seriously. I'm an agnostic secular witch witch with a background in philosophy and religious studies. I may be silly in a lot of places in my practice like making a pizza with a specific magical purpose in mind, but I also take building my practice very seriously. It's not so much "rules", but my practice is based on my own ethics and understanding of the world around me, including my politics as an anarchist. If you are not entering a specific existing magical tradition. building a practice requires work to figure out what that means to you. I have deep cultural roots in the DIY Punk community. It helped form my ethics and cosmologies. Do-it-Yourself punk is about creating your own communities, making your own music and art, not waiting for people to give you permission to be creative, supporting other people who do the same, and doing these things because you love them. There are fashion punks who show up in a costume with no real attachment and maybe just like music and getting drunk. Maybe there are witchcraft practices with "no rules!", but I guess I see them like the fashion punks who may stay that way, may move on quickly to something else that suits them better, or may grow and change in their experience. Honestly, when someone says "lol, there's no rules in witchcraft!" I pretty much assume that I'm not going to get a very thoughtful conversation out of them so I tend to avoid it.

So, where does that leave you? If you want to enter a witchcraft tradition that has an existing framework, you can do that. If you want to make your own, you can do that too, but it will be a lot more work.

[comradekatara]

i dont know if you had already talked about it, but can you explain why you think sokka and mai would understand each other?

oh thank you so much for giving me an excuse to talk about the glorious potential that would be their postwar dynamic. i see a lot of people misinterpret what their friendship would be like because they either don’t understand sokka, or mai, or in most cases, usually neither. 

first of all, let’s get one thing straight: sokka doesn’t crack jokes because he wants people to revel in his comedy. sokka makes goofy puns (and what have you) to ease the tension, the same way that ty lee will start talking about auras to pacify a suspicious azula, or iroh will ramble to an enraged zuko about pai sho. they’re using a distraction to keep the peace. 

on the other hand, mai will voice her (often witty, sarcastic) observations aloud because she’s bored out of her mind and trying to keep herself entertained. she has a wry, detached, kinda morbid sense of humor, and since she knows no one actually pays attention to her, she sees no issue in kinda just making comments to no one in particular. of course, we as the audience are privy to her commentary, but that’s not the same thing as azula actually listening to her (which she clearly doesn’t). mai fancies herself jim from the office, or daria from daria, just quietly observing the chaos around her with utter contempt like, “do y’all see this shit?” and, oh, you know who does the exact same thing? sokka. 

mai and sokka are both depressed, cynical bastards. other than the few and far between moments in which sokka is actually given an opportunity to relax, he is always on edge and anticipating (what he considers to be) his inevitable demise. it’s vastly different from mai’s brand of cynicism & depression, in which she would leap at the opportunity to be given a project to occupy her mind, and longs for the sweet release of death. that said, just because sokka is anxious about everything (because he has everything to lose) and mai is anxious about nothing (because she has nothing to lose), doesn’t mean they’re not on the exact same wavelength. 

once the war is over, mai meets the gaang, and sokka kicks her ass in pai sho, so mai decides maybe he isn’t so heinous after all, (a consensus she came to at around the exact same time ty lee first expressed interest in him,) and they get to talking. sokka asks her about her hobbies, other than knives of course, and to sokka this is normal smalltalk, but to mai this is a deeply personal question and he may as well be asking her how old she was when she got her first period. so she says, “yknow....... the cold, unyielding embrace of the void,” in a complete monotone, and to her surprise, sokka laughs, not at her, but with her. because she’s funny! 

the more they get to know each other, the more they realize they actually have a lot in common, despite, on the surface, having nothing in common. for one thing, they both taught themselves how to throw blades with perfect precision, a skill that requires a deft knowledge of physics. they’re both really smart, and overwhelmingly kind but also kind of mean, and like i’ve established, their senses of humor are very compatible. 

i don’t think mai would be offput by the things sokka is easily excited by, like some people claim, because for one thing, she loves ty lee, so, like... but for another, when mai expresses disdain for zuko’s pretty seashell, he yells “forget it!” and flings it across the beach. if sokka (who is apparently a shell nerd) tried to show mai a perfectly preserved conch shell he found and she said, “who the fuck cares about a stupid shell,” sokka would roll his eyes and patiently explain to her why if she cares about math, she should find shells beautiful, because sokka has infinitely more patience than zuko for these things, especially after knowing katara, toph, and aang for as long as he has. and then, since mai no longer feels demeaned by the fact that someone is simply giving her beach trash as some expected token of affection, but trying to share something he finds interesting with her because he expects her to take an interest in it too, she’s just open-minded enough to admit that yeah, okay, maybe conch shells are pretty cool, actually. 

mai never needed a boyfriend. (especially not a boyfriend who was never attentive to her needs and tried to just. give her things instead of actually like. asking her how her day was??) what mai always needed was real friends. and while she and ty lee definitely love each other, being under azula’s thumb definitely got in the way of complete emotional honesty. a lot of the time, they speak in some form of code that clues us into the fact that there’s a lot more under the surface. for example, take their first ever interaction: “i thought you ran off and joined the circus. you said it was your calling.” mai is concerned to see ty lee because she assumed she was able to escape and pursue her passion. mai is also revealing that she and ty lee corresponded, likely without azula’s knowledge, indicating that their friendship exists outside of azula’s bounds. “well, azula called a little louder!” haha, says ty lee, a huge smile plastered upon her face. you know azula! you know what she’s like! she tried to set me on fire, obviously! let’s not discuss this ever again, thaaaaaanks :)

now that azula is out of the picture, mai and ty lee do have a chance to be completely honest with each other. mai also has a chance to be honest with zuko, because he has finally become honest with himself. and, mai has a chance to meet all of zuko’s cool new friends, now that she is no longer on the mission (under threat of electrocution) to attack them at every opportunity. so she can meet aang, who she’ll undoubtedly like simply because aang is impossible to dislike; and suki, who is awesome; and toph, whom she’ll adore because they have so much in common; and katara, whom she loathes (and loathes her in return) because they have absolutely nothing in common; and of course, sokka. 

if people think mai wouldn’t laugh out loud at sokka’s jokes, these people have unfortunately never made a famously-deadpan person laugh. this is very sad for them, as they are freely admitting that they are neither cool nor funny. especially because it’s not actually hard to do. (i speak from experience as a famously deadpan person who just lost her entire shit watching this on a loop.) (okay, that’s not fair. that’s the funniest scene from any movie of all time.) 

mai and sokka are constantly laughing at each other’s jokes, because that’s just what happens when two funny people with dry, slightly morbid senses of humor are put in a room together and also maybe it’s 3 am and they’re kinda tipsy and playing pai sho while also discussing the new tax plan they’re in the midst of proposing to zuko (who will approve it the second they hand it to him, because he trusts them unconditionally and doesn’t know shit about math) in a way that involves a lot of mocking every single one of zuko’s advisors, and due to all these factors someone (probably suki) finds them with tears streaming down both their faces because of something absolutely scathing they said about the shape of the minister of agriculture’s head and every time he opens his mouth from then on they exchange a look and have to hold back peals of laughter. usually sokka breaks first, but on the rare occasion that it’s mai, everyone else in the room suddenly becomes very concerned that she is terribly ill, and nothing she says can prevent them from making her soup and herbal tea and demanding that she rest until her affliction is healed. and sokka, bastard that he is, encourages them. 

and that’s the crux of their profound, lifelong friendship. 

[commentaryvorg]

An anon sent me a series of asks to my main blog, but since they mentioned my commentary a few times in it, I feel like it'd be more appropriate to consider them commentary asks and answer them here. Hopefully anon still follows this blog too and will see this!

Dude I watched a complete playthrough of the drv3 a while ago and I just realised what was fucking me up about Kaito's: in his "ultimate fantasy" or whatever, he doesn't think his crush will return his feelings. Right now I think that's to do with his issues with close relationships that you brought up in your commentary, but do you have any other ideas?

thinkin about my earlier ask about kaito's love suite event ... does the dream continue for him when he leaves the room? cause if it does, it likely ends with his ideal turning out to reciprocate his feelings which is kind of sad because of the friendship issues you mentioned in your commentary, but if it doesn't continue afterwards it means he so thoroughly believes that his friends (/fantasy rival) dont care about him beyond his ability to be inspiring that he cant imagine it even in his ideal

WAIT is momota's ideal, a rival, someone who doesn't have the same expectations of him to be strong that a sidekick would have?? like yeah there are some expectations of always being ready to compete and all that but it's more an expectations out of spite deal than expectations to be invincible ideal. for them to even be properly competing a rivalry has to be somewhat close to equal: momota mentions he and his rival being at a complete tie, so his rival doesn't expect him to be invincible.

sorry i keep sending you asks about the love suite event, i read a post recently about momota not believing his ideal would return his feelings and i can't stop thinking about it

So, uh, this has been a bit of a ride for me.

Fun fact: Kaito's Love Suite event was, until today, the one bit of canon Kaito content I had not seen and had no intention of ever seeing. As you can very much gather from all my grumbling about amatonormativity in the commentary, particularly in the first post for Salmon Team, I do not like it when romance gets unnecessarily shoved into my adorable friendships and my characters who usually prioritise friendship over romance. If Salmon Team had not also been heteronormative on top of its amatonormativity and had therefore shoved romance into every character's scenes, including the guys', I wouldn't have covered Kaito's Salmon Team content at all. It’d be the same as how I didn’t cover Kaede’s FTEs because they’re pretty romantic; I'm just not remotely into that, and when such content does exist, I'd rather skim over it and think about anything else. So any of Kaito’s content that really actually was a victim of this mode’s amatonormativity (and let’s be real, while the Love Suite scenes are available in the main story, they really shouldn’t have been and should just be considered Salmon Team content) was not something I ever even really wanted to see in the first place.

The entire concept of how the Love Suite scenes work also makes me deeply uncomfortable even aside from the part where it's glaringly just a cheap excuse to throw in some unneeded romance. The subject has a dream where they act out their ideal fantasy at Shuichi, except Shuichi is awake and conscious and will remember it, and the subject doesn't know this? And Shuichi apparently has to play along and do what they want him to do, regardless of how uncomfortable it makes him, or they'll "have a bad dream" or something, as if their comfort matters more than Shuichi's does? That is massively violating the concept of consent for both people involved here. Ugh. Ughghghgh. And from the handful of scenes I have actually seen (which is admittedly not the worst ones), the writing does not remotely acknowledge how gross and fucked-up this is and just plays it like it's totally okay. Ugh. No.

Of course, there was a small chance that Kaito's scene was an exception to this nonsense and actually had something interesting going on in it that I'd like to see (Rantaro’s and Ryoma’s are actually pretty interesting, from what I remember!). So I had my friend antialiasis, whose judgement I trust on these kind of things, read Kaito’s scene before me and give me a summary. The topic of it seemed kinda fun albeit not especially deeply interesting, but then she described it as "not textually romantic but pretty clearly trying to be shipbait". So I pulled a big Nope on that and decided it wasn’t worth it and I'd be happier never seeing the scene after all.

It was therefore very deliberate of me that I completely ignored the fact that this scene even existed for my Salmon Team posts. I was kind of quietly hoping nobody would notice or care - and I told myself that if someone did care and asked me what I thought about it, they'd have to make a very convincing argument for it being relevant to Kaito's issues for me to decide it’d be worth me cringing my way through the romantic undertones to see the issuey part.

And, well, congratulations, anon, I guess you basically just made the impossible possible, because I went and read it just now.

Aaaaaand it was even more eye-rollingly shipbaity than I was expecting it to be and really not worth it for me at all.

Not that this is your fault, anon! I am not mad at you and there's no need to apologise. I'm really happy that you cared so much about my input on this, not to mention very impressed that you did manage to convince me the scene might be relevant enough to Kaito's issues to catch my interest. I'm also thrilled that you're using ideas you learned from me about Kaito's issues to have been thinking about this yourself even with parts I never talked about! That's exactly the kind of thing I hoped my commentary might do for people!

I'm just mad at the game's writing for being a huge fucking disappointment. Please rest assured that any frustration I express here is entirely directed at the game.

Long story short: I'm not convinced this is a legitimately well-thought-out piece of character writing for Kaito that actually has any deliberate connection to his issues. It just reads to me like whoever wrote it saw the Love Suite thing as an excuse to throw in something shipbaity and romantically-undertoned involving Kaito, and they decided that someone like him would work best with the stereotypical "rivals to lovers" trope, so they just threw together a scene about that.

There's no reason to buy that Kaito's "ideal fantasy" would even be with a romantic interest in the first place. He's literally not shown giving the slightest fuck about romance at any other point in his story! Romantic relationships are not inherently the highest relationship ideal (any claim that they are is amatonormativity speaking and needs to go away), and Kaito in particular definitely seems to be someone who would understand that.

It is interesting to think that Kaito's idea of his relationship ideal could be a rival - someone who's essentially more of an equal to him than a sidekick. All the points that you make on that topic are really great and insightful, and that’s what made me want to check out the scene! But then the scene just goes and shifts to being all about how Kaito has very-obviously-implicitly developed romantic feelings for this rival, and ugh no no no this is not the point and not necessary. If Kaito really did subconsciously think of a rival as being his ideal relationship, someone who's his equal and to whom he doesn't have such a huge responsibility to never let down, that alone would be the point, and his subconscious wouldn't go and then make it about romance!

If this scene is about Kaito's issues as you propose, then it’s as if the writing is trying to insist that Kaito subconsciously knew that he needed to have this arguably more healthy, essentially-equal relationship in order to be able to achieve romance, because romance is obviously the highest goal and what he's really wanted all along and if only he got over his issues then he’d be able to have that in reality! and NOPE nope nope nope that's amatonormative and tedious as all hell and get that bullshit away from Kaito. (The actual "ideal" relationship Kaito should be striving for, though he wouldn't understand this himself, is something like the one I talked about at the end of Salmon Team, in which he's learned to open up to Shuichi and ask for his help too and they are friends and equals who support each other, and that doesn't need to involve romance to be an ideal end goal!)

But also, because the writers of this scene are being so eye-rollingly amatonormative about things, I'm not convinced they even actually thought as deeply as you have about the implications of the rival thing. If they understood Kaito's issues about heroes and sidekicks and friendship to that extent, then they'd probably also be able to grasp the idea that romance isn't the goddamn point here.

So, yeah. You're free to continue to interpret it the way you've been doing if that floats your boat, anon, but my take on it is just that I don't think the writers cared.

I'd also like to throw out there, while I'm here being a Grumpy Aro about things, that someone not expecting their crush to reciprocate their feelings isn't that sad and tragic, at least not from where I'm standing - it's just sensible. Sure, platonic affection is expected to grow naturally through shared experiences and hangouts, to the point that someone feeling like their friend doesn't consider them a friend in return is tragic and probably rooted in some kind of issues. But while romantic attraction can sometimes arise, from all sorts of interactions, it’s never a thing that should always be expected to do so, and it literally can't happen in certain orientations a lot of the time. Not expecting romantic feelings to be reciprocated doesn't have to be related to any kind of lack of self-confidence; it should be the norm. It's just statistically unlikely that they would be.

Like yeah, sure, obviously most people with a crush would like it if it was reciprocated, and so there's no harm in asking. But if the other person doesn't reciprocate, then it's not their fault and not their problem, and it's also not the first person's fault for "not being good enough" or anything like that. That's an attitude that I wish I saw more of outside of aro circles, and it's also something that I'm pretty sure Kaito would already understand and agree with. Respecting other people's autonomy, acknowledging that they exist as their own person outside of how you feel about them and not making their lives about you are all principles that are already a big part of how Kaito treats others, in any context.

[follow-up post to this]

[mellz117]

Hello and welcome to the start of Mellz Plays Kingdom Hearts Re:CoM on the Playstation 2; Riku’s campaign

If you haven’t seen my thoughts on Sora’s story, why not start with Part 1? For the 5 of you who’ve been following along since then, welcome back! Check out the rest under the read more! I’m playing on standard difficulty so if I’m having a hard time, I just suck.

So we, as Riku wake up in the basement of Castle Oblivion. How did he get there? Sora just waltzed in like it was no big deal. Riku has to materialize in a cold basement and be woken up by the disembodied voice of an all too familiar bastard… Who has a new voice.

Thanks for the card, voice of Ansem, “Seeker of Darkness”. That ain’t him. It’s been almost 10 years and I don’t remember much of this game but I know that new Richard Epcar voice ain’t Ansem.

Riku’s got no time to waste, he’s a man on a mission.

So we get a melancholy scene with Riku happening upon the room Maleficent gave him during his association with her in the first game. Memories he’d rather forget.

After progressing a bit, the disembodied voice returns once again to taunt Riku. “You cast aside your home, your friends, the darkness. What else do you have? Nothing. Your heart is as empty as your old room.”

It’s so weird playing as Riku but I hope we get more of that beyond KH3 (ReMind hasn’t released at the time of writing this)

Alot of this game so far has been me saying “I don’t remember this”… …So I don’t remember Riku’s level up system being this different to Sora’s.

…well that’s bullshit. I vaguely remember that. The fact that I can’t even edit the order my cards appear to me in battle is even more bullshit. I like to organize my cards by type and value until I’m forced to use a different method.

So I dont have to wait for the reload gauge to count down, it’s immediate and I dont lose a card on every reload like I thought I remembered… What’s the catch? I don’t trust like that.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

We meet up with Maleficent at the end of the map. She’s 100% aware she’s a figment of Riku’s memory. Riku is none too pleased to see her.

I love his sass

Riku’s ready to kick the asses of everyone corrupted by darkness, including his own, he says. Time for a dragon fight because otherwise Maleficent isn’t a threat apparently lmao. I don’t think the mcguffen card even showed up.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Oh look it’s that asshole. Or is it? Dun dun dunnnnn. God his lips look soft. Why was this necessary???

So who has dominion over this castle? Marluxia, or Ansem?

This fucker is like “Sonny, you couldn’t even win against Sora. You don’t stand a chance against me”.

You have a teenager lying on the ground... Please reword your demands.

Oh my god it’s Mickey Mouse! well… sort of. He’s a bright light. Gives Riku some nice words to keep him going.

Knowing what I know now about the Guardian heartless bro, everything is so much worse…

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Ooh first scene with the boys in the dark room. “Don’t I even warrant a hello, Lexaeus?” I don’t remember seeing this as funny before but now, like 10 years later I appreciate how funny it truly is. Zexion sounds so insulted.. Lexaeus is a man of few words. Then Vexen shows up and he’s getting right down to business. Zexion’s like “Nice to see you too. We all used to be so close, what happened?”

Vexen’s all offended about that and gets pissy about “rank this, rank that, ooh I’m number 4, you shrimpy child.” as if your number indicated rank. Xigbar is the 2nd member but Xemnas’s 2nd in command is Saix (from my understanding) so sit your ass down, Vex.

So Zexion’s special talent? He smells people.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Riku smells people too?. Oh ok he can smell the darkness in his skin. Take a shower! …When was the last time he even got the opportunity?

Mickey appears before him and tells him some words of encouragement. He’s transparent because he can’t fully manifest in the castle right now. So where’s the other 50% opacity hanging out at?

“We shook hands in our hearts” omg… 

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Let’s go to Neverland first yay. I did a team attack with Mickey. I remember that!

Imagine being in Riku’s stupid, dumb, giant, anime boy shoes… addressing a giant, bipedal mouse as “Your Majesty”……….. Actually my sister and I used to do that back in the day when we both were obsessed with the series. Regardless of context we’d call him “King Mickey”. It makes me cringe thinking back on it.

Oh I was gonna try to challenge myself to avoid using the dark power but I guess I dont have a choice but to use it. Might as well put points into it if that’s the case.

uses Key to Beginnings, is immediately thrown into a battle with Captain Hook oh I guess we’re not focusing on any events in these worlds they’re literally just to pad out Riku’s story. Riku is officially less Disney than Sora.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

How does Zexy know who Riku is? “Riku is here because Sora is here”. Vex that makes zero sense. What else is new?

Agrabah. Uneventful. Riku is not good at hitting small targets. Had a hell of a time fighting Jafar, or rather beating Iago to a pulp, in comparison to playing as Sora.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Next scene, and immediately like NO breath between the fade in and the scene itself, Vexen appears. And in even less time after he appears, “I take it you’re Riku?” This mofo has no time to waste. He’s a busy man.

Riku’s already tired of his bullshit and is ready to FIGHT. Same, Riku. Same.

I had him stun locked during most of this battle.

I JUST LOVE RIKU’S COMPLETE LACK OF FUCKS GIVEN HE’LL BEAT VEXEN’S SHIELD WITH HIS FISTS AND POMMEL

Vexen is a fucking twerp. And seems alot more crazy, mad scientist-y when interacting with Riku than Sora. Emphasis on “mad”. He cray

Why do they hang out in the dark? I mean, why no lamps? All I can imagine is them hanging out and barely able to actually see each other. The only way anyone knows who’s there is because Zexion can smell people, everyone else just assumes Lexaeus is there, Vexen won’t shut up about something something science, and Axel likes to hear himself talk.

Fat boi

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Zexion and Lexaeus are talking about what’s going on,  I’m still not sure what they’re doing here. Like, do they want Sora for the Organization? But Marluxia wants Sora as his personal puppet? What about Roxas? Isn’t he like, in a coma or something? Just kill Sora, Roxas will wake up, and SOMEONE’S got a Keyblade wielder again. Lex says Vexen hates Marluxia and things with the replica could turn out disastrously because of it. What IS Vexen’s beef with Marly?

Ok I know it’s to pad out a second campaign but why does Riku go to SORA’S memory worlds? Unless Riku stalked him throughout the entirety of KH1, or had so visit them for darkness missions, and those are his memories as well? Idk, it doesn’t have to be explicitly stated

Oh no Riku, it’s you.

So at this point he’s aware hes a copy? Does he forget later? With Namine’s meddling? How does Vexen create a living, breathing entity out of battle data? Like, where did the body come from? Did he have it on standby for a while until the right moment?

“You’re afraid of the dark” Repliku states.. Lmao yeah, Riku- he still sleeps with a night light. Don’t tell Sora.

Repliku is like, a worse Riku as far as personality goes. The punk-ass bitch Riku from KH1 but worse. Repliku is quick to ditch the double pants with suspenders and ankle belts for a muscle suit and grass skirt. I’m not sure which one’s worse.

FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! I got two level ups out of that!

I high key love Repliku’s laugh here when Riku tries to attacks him again RIGHT AFTER THEIR FIGHT. It’s adorable, hilarious, and creepy. GG David Gallagher! Check out that video if you want. [video]

Dutch angles make everything more dramatic. Unofficial rule no. 1 of cinema. Repliku peaces out and we give chase up another flight of stairs and another cutscene plays. Repliku joins Zexion, Lexaeus, and Vexen in the dark room and they talk about introducing him to Sora.

Riku finds himself alone on the next floor, yelling at empty air. Ansem shows up to taunt Riku again. This dude just doesn’t quit. God forbid he learns no means go the fuck away.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Oh hey we’re in Atlantica! Maybe Riku can wash that darkness smell off his skin. Oh wait the water doesn’t really exist. And hes just a human, not swimming like a mermaid. Give me mer-Riku, you cowards. Twiggy mer-Sora is funny, twiggy mer-Riku with buff arms would be HYSTERICAL. I had a difficult time with Ursula because poor card management and I’m avoiding battles to get this game over with, which kinda shoots me in the foot as I’m not leveling up.

Yeah I was right, he ends up thinking HE’S Riku. I honestly feel bad for the guy… he’s so scared and betrayed. I know I was shit talking him just a bit ago but I need to protect Repliku. [video]

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Give Riku a Halloween Town outfit, you cowards.

This scene between Repliku and Namine is so bittersweet. [video] Just listen to how gentle he talks to Namine. Oh, my heart cannot handle it.

This game makes me so sad. Poor Repliku, poor Namine… Larxene continues to be The Worst. Like, the ABSOLUTE worst. Was Elrena like this?

(I keep getting progressively more and more angry because I can’t upload a video file to this on desktop but I can on mobile, but if I post a video on mobile I can’t edit a read more on desktop. AND I HAVE THREE VIDEOS I WANT TO PUT IN. SO I MADE A BLOG SPECIFICALLY SO I CAN POST THEM THERE AND LINK THEM HERE)

See you in part 2, where I will continue to drag Larxene.

[kyliehorsegirl]

Don’t Be Afraid of Me (Michael Langdon x Reader) REQUEST

A/N: I’m sorry for the delay on some of your requests. Work has been crazy! I want to make sure I dont rush the stories as well. Hope you guys enjoy.

Requested By: @dontblinkangelsinside ‘During the time of murder house Michael has a friend, she finds out about his powers and thinks they are cool at first, then she finds out about him being the antichrist and leaves. Then during apocalypse they meet again’

Warnings: None really

Word Count: 1904

*************

After Constance died, Michael was sad and lonely, most of the spirits in the house wanted nothing to do with him. Ben tried his whole father thing but Michael needed more. He met Y/n right before Constance killed herself. She was a young girl in the neighborhood that he was drawn to. He never had friends before.

 He would follow her around like a lost puppy that needed comfort. She was happy to give it to him. Her home life was nothing special, a burn out dad and a busy working mom. Y/n basically had free reign to do what she wanted. She spent a lot of time with him, but she never picked up on the weird behaviors. He always wanted to bring her dead things, but he managed to keep that at bay, at least with Y/n. It didn’t stop him from gifting his grandmother with carcasses. She started to notice all the roses in the garden, but never mentioned it.

 He really liked her. He wanted to show her who he really was.

 “Don’t freak out ok?” He said one day, they were outside hanging out when he revealed on of his powers. He made fire. She was scared at first but thought it was super cool. Over time he showed her a few more things he learned how to do. Michael had ways about him that seemed innocent and childish. For the age she thought he was, she found it odd.

 After Constance died Michael chose to stay at murder house, waiting for her ghost to appear. Ben showed up, explaining how that wouldn’t happen. Ben did however, take him under his wing. Michael graved the parenting, the attention, the love. Y/n had walked up the steps of murder house, hoping to find him. He beamed up at her as he opened the door, welcoming her in.

 He gave her an innocent tour of the house. None of the spirits showed themselves to her. Ben allowed her to see him, he felt like Y/n was good for Michael. Y/n had seen the interaction between Michael and ‘Tate’. To say it was awkward was an understatement. Y/n was extremely uncomfortable as Ben held back Tate as he screamed obscenities at Michael.

 “I just wanted to be like you dad.” Y/n had never seen him so vulnerable. He looked so broken hearted. Tate screamed at him, saying Michael didn’t come from him, that he couldn’t produce such an evil bastard. Ben escorted Tate out of the room as Michael launched himself onto his bed sobbing.

 Y/n approached him with caution, placing a comforting hand on his back. She rubbed his back as his body shook, crying. She hushed him as he cried. He moved to lay his head in her lap. All she saw was a broken little boy.

Y/n and Michael had to hide when a couple purchased the house. Michael had disappeared somewhere without warning. She quietly looked around for him. She rounded a corner to see a man in a rubber suit standing in front of the couple. Their screams echoed loudly through the empty house. Y/n watched as they died right in front of her. Ben appeared, yelling at the rubber man. He took off his mask and revealed that it was Michael. Y/n clasps a hand over her mouth.

 She saw pure anger as his eyes rolled back, the couple had become spirits like other occupants of the house. Michael turns his hands out as the spirits burned to ash. He made them cease to exist. She was shaking, scared for her life. Ben screamed at Michael, saying how he shouldn’t have helped him, it was a waste of time.

 Michael collapsed by the couch and cried. Feeling for him, even though she shouldn’t, she came out from around the corner, approaching him carefully. He looks to her with tears in his eyes, they show relief?

 “D-don’t be afraid of me, I’m not going to hurt you.” He stuttered out. She slowly kneeled beside him and wrapped him in a caring embrace.

 She was always cautious around him, watching his every move. He wanted her everywhere with him, with him at all times. She became a bit more uncomfortable when he begged for her to sleep in bed with him. She consented allowing him to nestle himself in her curves. From behind, she wrapped her arms around him, his head resting on her arm. He was so vulnerable, she couldn’t help but hold him like the little spoon he was.

 Everything seemed fine, they were getting along well, Michael had gotten very clingy with her, holding her hand, playing with her hair, nuzzling into her neck.

 The Satanists came, and that changed everything. Three people came into their home unannounced. Y/n and Michael descended the stairs, holding Y/n’s hand. They both were rubbing the tired from their eyes. Y/n squeezed his hand tighter, getting nervous at the intruders.

 They were babbling about how they have waited for him and he was their Lord and Savior, son of Satan. Y/n was scarred and wanted to leave. He held onto her hand too tight, causing her to whimper.

 They had set up a sacrifice alter. Michael was in his boxers, covered by a cape. Y/n stood in the far corner of the room with a sickening feeling. The strange people brought a young girl and tied her to the table.  Y/n’s face scrunched up in fear and disgust. The leader kissed the girl before plunging a knife into her chest and removing her heart.

 He offered the heart to Michael, he grabbed it and brought it to his lips. Y/n’s eyes go wide as she sees him take a bite of the young girl’s heart. An ominous figure shadows behind him. The Satanists bow to Michael praising ‘Hail Satan’ over and over.

 Y/n packs the few things she kept at murder house in an effort to flee while Michael was distracted. She should have seen this coming. The powers, that couple and now this? It was too much for her.

 “Where are you going.” She whips around to see Michael looking innocent as ever as he cocks his head at her. She almost gave into him, almost.

 “I can’t be here anymore Michael, I’m leaving.” She threw her bag over her shoulder and looked at him. Her eyes grew puffy, trying to hold in her tears. She was afraid to leave him alone and afraid of him.

 “You can’t leave me.” He took a step forward, his voice shaky.

 “I’m sorry Michael.” She ran past him and left the house. He screamed and fell to the ground.

 *

*

*

*

*

 *Several Years Later*

 Y/n was dragged out of her home kicking and screaming by guards dressed in all black. She was shoved into a military vehicle. Scared out of her wits, she wrapped arms around herself comfortingly.

 She was roughly taken out of the car after being forced to wear a hazmat suit. They hosed the radiation off her. She was greeted by a chaste woman, Wilhelmina Venable.

 A few hours later, she was dressed head to toe in Victorian attire. She could barely breathe with the corset on.

 She met the occupants, some very odd people. She was a purple, what she had learned was these other people, aside from a boy and a girl who where yanked from their home like her, paid their way to be here, $100,000,000 that is.

 Days went on and on in a never-ending cycle, the same song, the same gelatin dinner. She would talk with Emily and Mallory, everyone else was, drama.

 One month.

 Three months.

 Six months. The same songs, the same food.

 One year.

 18 months, 18 months later. There was a perimeter breach that caused an uproar. Emily had demanded Ms. Venable to tell them who was in her office.  Soon after, during their time in the sitting room. A regal man presented himself. He walked slow and menacingly. He was dressed in black Victorian clothes, his hair long gold locks. Y/n only saw the back of his head, wondering who this mysterious man could be.

 He looks to Venable, excusing her from her spot at attention. It wasn’t until he fully turned, Y/n knew exactly who he was.

 “My name is Langdon and I represent the cooperative.” His voice was deeper, more confident and authoritative. He wasn’t her scared, innocent boy anymore. Did she do this?

His face was mature and strong, it had hardened over the years. His eyes were accented with red eye shadow. It hid his beautiful blue eyes that she remembered. Her heart was caught in her throat.

 He spoke confidently as he had the attention of everyone in the room. He would make small lances to Y/n, causing her to clench her jaw with anxiety. She didn’t know how to feel, he was obviously more dangerous than when she left him. Was this her fault?

 He explained how humanity was at the brink of extinction, but there was a place he could take people to repopulate. Most questioned were answered with a harsh ‘classified’. He explained how the interview process would only take a few days and if anyone refused to interview, they could die.

 Gallant volunteered as tribute. Y/n watched as each person went in for their interview. Her knee bounced up and down with anxiety. Did he remember her? Was he going to kill her? All of the questions ran through her head before someone came to bring her to Langdon’s office for her interview.

 She hesitantly walked through the door seeing him seated in a chair by the fireplace. His ankle atop his knee and his head rested on his hand. He watched her intently as she entered the room. She stood by the chair across from him, unsure of what to do.

 He stared at her for awhile watching her intently. He got up and took a few steps to get in front of her. She held her breath, looking in those eyes she remembered. She gasps as he pulls her into a hug, a hand on her waist and the other on the back of her head, bringing it to his chest. He then takes a long sigh and rests his chin on top of her head.

 “I’m glad you’re ok.” His voice was a soft whisper. She lets out air she didn’t realize she was holding. He strokes her hair and runs his hand up and down her back. She relaxes and all the tension leaves her shoulders. Before she could say what she was thinking, he interrupted her.

 “I forgive you for leaving me.” She winced at the subtle bite at the end. “I know we were you an you were scared, I understand. I still had to make sure you stayed safe, that’s why I had my men bring you here.” She lifts her head to look at him, his face dangerously close to hers.

 “I shouldn’t have left you, I’m, I’m so sorry Michael.” She said shakily, afraid of what he might do.

 “Don’t be afraid of me Y/n, I’m not going to hurt you.” He leans in an places a kiss on her lips. Things are different now, they are different now. He pulled away and held her tightly, gripping her hips.

 “I’m not going to let you go again.”

************

Hope you enjoyed!

MASTERLIST

Taglist

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[phan-of-the-pen]

I Dare You To Stay: Chapter 19

hope you enjoyed the fluff this is SAD

Tags for chapter: MAJOR angst, talk/mentions of depression/mental health issues, minor issues of self worth

Words for chapter: ~2.5 k

Fic Summary: Dan Howell is a barista working a shitty job, frequenting his shitty apartment, and living a shitty existence, hiding his asexuality and going for a PHD in self-depreciation and depression. Phil Lester is a part-time intern, part-time employee at a local weather station, trying to get experience in his field and make a name for himself, while juggling a second job at the nearby Tesco’s to give him some financial breathing room. Their paths were never supposed to meet, but what happens when they do anyways, one rainy day in Manchester?

(ao3!)

<– Previous chapter Next chapter -->

~~~~~~~~~~

Dan ignored yet another buzz from the phone in his pocket. Like the past four this morning, this message would too be from Phil, and Dan just couldn't bring himself to look at them.

All of the texts boiled down to Phil trying to make up his absence to Dan, but Dan just wasn't in the mood to try and pretend to be anything but exhausted. His limbs were heavy and his heart was slowly numbing. Phil leaving was only part of the problem, but Dan just couldn't bring himself to shoulder it at the moment.

Phil was spending the next few days shadowing a retired but incredibly knowledgeable meteorologist. Dr. Mathers had worked with the weather station Phil was a part of for decades, and he had earned several awards for his work. He was more qualified in retirement than some of the meteorologists that were currently working in the bigger stations, and taking the time to learn from him was an opportunity that both Phil and the station couldn't pass up.

Normally, Dan would be just as excited and happy as Phil about something like this, but recently getting out of bed was an uphill struggle. He felt horrible about not being as outwardly supportive as he should have been, and he didn't know how to make it up to Phil. Even if he did, he wasn't so sure that he would be able to go through with anything, not with how much his mental health was crumbling in his hands.

It was the beginning of the second week in the new year. Jaime had left nearly two weeks ago on the 8AM train back to London on New Year's Day, and her departure had carved a deep chasm in Dan's soul. As angsty and emo as it sounded, he didn't have another way to describe how he felt. She had been going back and forth for what seemed like so long, and those two weeks that she had spent in Manchester had been almost solely devoted to just the two of them. Dan had been rendered nearly breathless with the realization of how much he had missed Jaime, and he had greedily drunk up every moment they spent together in the vain attempt at sedating an endless desire to be around her.

What he had failed to account for was how alone he felt now that she was gone; it was like he was missing his arms, or his legs. And it wasn't like he was entirely without her. They would text and Facetime, and he would skype her whenever they had the chance, but it was nothing like the real thing. Jaime wasn't meant to be simplified to just the pixels on his screen. In a way, her absence now hurt even more than her initial series of trips back and forth from Manchester to London.

Before Jaime's Christmas break, Dan had survived the separation by spending his spare time with Phil. Their blossoming relationship ended up flourishing because of it, and Dan was extremely grateful for how much they ended up strengthening the foundation that their relationship was built upon. These past two weeks have done nothing up test that foundation, however.

Phil had cancelled so many of their shared plans that Dan had only seen him twice in the past two weeks, and neither of those times were longer than half an hour stops at the coffee shop. Both of the two times that he and Dan had seen each other Phil had promised Dan that he would stay for at least an hour, but by the time twenty or thirty minutes were up his phone would ring and Phil would drop everything to answer it outside. After talking animatedly on the phone with a frown for ten to fifteen minutes Phil would reappear and shake his head. He'd chug down the rest of his coffee and walk out the door. "I'm really sorry, Dan, but I have to go. It's work." Phil was also only answering maybe half of the texts that Dan sent him, and he had acted horribly distant in the few and strained interactions the two had had.

Dan was as hurt as he was worried. Phil was shutting him out from something, and Dan wanted to be there for his boyfriend and smooth out the stressed creases in his forehead and surround him in a soothing hug. At the same time Dan was suffering from severe anxiety about the whole thing. He had never had the chance to talk to Phil about how he had been hurt from being shut out before, and now didn't seem like a good time.

He couldn't turn to Jaime because she was busy with the play, and he didn't want to spoil one of their few talks with his relationship problems. Good things to drown out the bad things was what he wanted right now, so talking to Jaime about this was out of the question. He couldn't lean on his boyfriend because Phil was not only dealing with something on his own, but currently all of their conversations were giving Dan skin-crawling anxiety with every terse word Phil gave him.

Dan didn't even have Mary.

She had been in the coffee shop once in the past three weeks, and it had been to tell Dan and Jaime that she wouldn't be around for a little. She needed a surgery to finally get some help for her bad knee, and she wouldn't be able to make the trip to the coffee shop for two months in her old age.

Part of Dan was happy to know why she had been acting strange a few weeks ago, but another part of him was sad and upset that he wasn't going to be seeing her for a while.

While Dan would never concern her with a problem of this magnitude, he would have killed to get even one morning with her. A little "Good morning, Daniel!" would have made his whole week, especially in the midst of all of this crap.

Dan unlocked the door to the coffee shop and flicked on the lights. He tossed his jacket into the break room and immediately and mechanically started to set up for the day.

He shovelled coffee grounds into one of the brew machines and slumped against the counter as he waited. His stomach grumbled a little as coffee started to permeate the air, but he didn't make a move to try and fix it. He hadn't eaten since his pitiful dinner of a slice of old pizza last night, and considering the fact that he didn't bring a lunch with him, it wouldn't be until he got home until he possibly would eat again.

Dan could just grab something from the case—they were allowed to—or even stop in one of the many shops up and down the street, but he didn't care if he didn't eat.

He didn't care about a lot right now.

Dan scrubbed at his face, exhausted in many more ways than just physical.

He had seen his therapist a few days ago, and she had warned him that he needed to try and prevent himself from falling further down this hole he was spiraling down, but Dan didn't really take her advice to heart. When he crawled out from this latest depressive episode he knew he would regret not listening to her, but right now he was empty and lonely, and that voice in the back of his head was too loud for him to ignore.

He didn't have his boyfriend. He didn't have his best friend. He didn't have Mary. He was all alone.

And it hurt. More than he could try and articulate, really.

~~~~~

Dan pushed the bag of crisps away from him, his minuscule appetite already gone. He wrapped the blanket around his body tighter and stared blankly at his television screen. One of the series he had been watching with Phil had uploaded a two hour season finale, but Dan wasn't absorbing a single second of what was being played. His stomach grumbled, but Dan only frowned and buried deeper into the blanket. He really didn't want food right now.

He didn't really want anything right now.

No, that was a lie.

He wanted someone. He didn't care if it was Jaime or Phil, or anyone else, but he needed some kind of human contact. Dan desperately wanted someone to help him pull himself out of his head space.

Dan slipped his phone out of his pocket and unlocked it. He had two unread texts from Phil that had accumulated since the last time that Dan had checked his phone a few hours ago. He ignored them for now and brought up the thread he and Jaime had.

> To: my maraschino cherry are u around?

It was close to an hour before Jaime responded. Even with her uncharacteristically late reply, Dan's heart still soared. He clicked on the new text.

> From: my maraschino cherry [multimedia message]

at a party rn. we did our first run of the whole set today! so we're celebrating lmao

anyways

did you need something? I can easily duck into a room, np danny

The picture attached was one of Jaime in what looked like someone's lounge. The whole thing was a little blurry, but Dan could easily see the sheer happiness on his best friend's face. Her arm was around an attractive blonde, their faces pressed together as they both widely and drunkenly looked into the camera.

Dan instantly felt guilty for bothering Jaime. She was having so much fun. There was no reason for him to not only ask her to momentarily leave the party to talk to him, but to also trouble her with the knowledge that he was rapidly slipping into a deep depressive episode. It would kill her mood and make her needlessly worry about him.

She deserved to be happy.

Dan quickly typed out his reply and sent it, backing out almost immediately.

> To: my maraschino cherry no dw! i just was wondering if u had time to talk lol. have fun! dont get TOO drunk ;)

Dan stared at his text chat with Phil. He read over the last two texts he had missed from his boyfriend, and bit his lip, trying to decide if he should bother Phil.

Phil hadn't directly seen what Dan's depressive episodes could come to. Jaime had been in the trenches with Dan, and even though she had never seen what they looked like behind locked doors and closed blinds until not too long ago, she had picked up his pieces after every one and was all too aware of the damage they did to Dan's mental and physical health. Phil knew the general gist of it from the few details Dan had given him, but there was no doubt that Phil would be in way over his head trying to handle Dan. Not to mention trying to deal with him in a depressive episode this strong.

Dan was also all too aware of how worried Phil would be over him, and Dan knew for a fact that no matter how far Phil pulled away from him, if Dan told Phil about this mounting problem Phil wouldn't be able to think straight until he could make sure Dan was okay with his own two eyes. It would put him off of his game for the whole week, and Dan didn't want to derail this important trip for Phil before it really began. This was an opportunity for Phil that Dan was determined not to ruin.

Frowning, Dan closed out of the messaging app. Almost instantly he reopened it again. His therapist had pointed out to him several times that he struggled with accepting and asking for help, and that he needed to let people into his life more if he wanted to get better. This was one of those instances, right? So shouldn't he talk to someone?

Dan drafted a message and deleted it. He tried again but only erased it as well. Dan groaned and nearly clicked the screen of his phone off out of frustration.

One more time…

Dan left this third attempt devoid of anything that would suggest that Dan was in trouble. In fact, it was very simple to what he had initially sent Jaime.

> To: Phil Lester (is amazing!!) hey, do u think we could talk?

After sending it, Dan felt a bit better. Even if he never gathered the courage to admit to Phil that he was in a bad place and that it would only get worse, he was confident that talking to Phil would make his spirits soar. It wasn't a miracle cure, but it would soothe the worst of the mind-numbing loneliness and depression deep in his bones.

Except Dan watched as the hours ticked by and his phone remained quiet and dark. When Dan blinked back into reality it was nearing 2AM. His Netflix show had long since expired, and there wasn't as much as a twitter notification on his phone. Dan dragged himself to his bed even though he knew that it was doubtful that he would sleep tonight.

Meanwhile, something hard had settled in the furthest reaches of Dan's chest. It made breathing difficult and his brain take three times as long to process even the smallest things. It had admittedly been a while since he had been last acquainted with it, but it was familiar. Sickly comforting in the sense that it was something he was so used to. In a way, it was like coming home.

When it was time to get up and get ready for work, Dan got ready on complete impulse. He was too busy dissociating to even remember the walk there, and was mildly surprised when he found himself stocking the cash register on muscle memory alone.

That was one thing that was different with this depressive episode, it seemed. Ever since he had first started to fall into this predicament about a week ago, he had buried himself in work. He took extra shifts in the coffee shop and even sometimes stayed overtime. Coming from someone who normally shut down in every way in the deepest caverns of his depression, the behavior was horribly different from what he was used to. Maybe it was because this depressive episode was caused by something different.

Before, they had been caused by his longing for things he didn't have: a family, a lover, acceptance, someone (or a group of people) who loved him and he could love in return. After he was kicked out and he found Jaime, they slowly became fewer and farther in between as he and Jaime became inseparable. Even though they were still there, he could manage them.

Dan had never had a depressive episode triggered by an all-consuming, numbing sense of being utterly and completely alone before.

Something deep in his gut did he have the feeling that this one would not be his last.

[amourtaes-blog]

love it if we made it

song choice - love it if we made it by The 1975

Kim Taehyung. The most beautiful man to ever roam this world, at least to me. Also goes by V, 1/7 of the K-pop boyband, BTS! Born in Daegu, South Korea on the 30th of December 1995 making him a Capricorn. Collector of ties and admirer of Sir Vincent Van Gogh. Known for his 4D personality and breathtakingly symmetrical face.  A burning passion to act as he was in the drama, Hwarang. Parades around in Gucci but was brought up on a farm with his grandparents keeping him humble. Adores his parents and is a family man. Has the cutest boxy smile and adoring personality, he's kind and a great best friend according to Jimin. However, Jungkook says his personality is indescribable. He finds the moles that decorate his body interesting, even turning one into an elephant and likes to entertain whoever is around and himself by playing music and making a live music video. He is the social butterfly of the group, always making friends wherever he goes. He's innocent and playful, stubborn at times but deeply cares for everyone's well being. Quite frankly, he sounds perfect. This description right here isn't enough to give you even a rough idea of what he's like. I could go on for days talking about him but for now, this can do.

It's the 20th of July 2018, a Friday. A new "The 1975" song was released, Love It If We Made It. The first line clearly shocked me causing me to stop listening after a few more seconds, "Fucking in a car, shootin' heroin," I clearly wasn't expecting that. The rest of the day went by as a blur. I did the occasional housework and moped about, still feeling upset and drained from the past events of the week. I've been listening to Ariana Grande's new song, God Is A Woman, although I wasn't keen on the title I gave it a try and found myself addicted. It was quite a boring Friday, a long day of nothing specific. Nothing, in particular, roamed my brain apart from a growing sadness that I chose to ignore. Yet, the banging drums of the new The 1975 song rang through the back of my head. No matter what I did or heard, it was all I could hear so I decided to give it another try. Of course, yet again, I loved it The 1975 never disappoint me and I always find myself loving their new music. But this. This was special. I say this with all of their songs but currently, it felt like it touched my heart in places I wasn't aware of. The chorus grabbed at my heartstrings making me feel so deeply in love and straight away my mind went to him.

It kept me awake for most of the night, not once did I get bored of this song. It made me feel everything at once and I love songs like that. Songs that make me feel uneasy because it's not easy to describe how they make me feel. The song wasn't even about love, but the vibe and beat made me feel like I was gonna run away with the love of my life and watch the sunset. Till 4, the song was on repeat, full blast as I got lost into the depths of Tumblr, adoring and examining his face. Every second passed and I hoped that I could run away but with him, watching the sunset and not giving a care in the world. Just focusing on each other.

Just before the sun started rising I started to head to bed, hoping to put myself at peace even though every cell in my body was awake, buzzing at the beat of the song. Yearning to hear it for "just one more time" but a light wave of sleep sat on my eyes, Very light actually, hardly 2kg. I packed up and headed upstairs not bothering to wash my face as my body ached with pain and sadness, still I ignored it. Crying for hours 2 days beforehand was enough to drain my body of any emotion.

Laying in bed was torturous, especially since the arms that engulfed me once provided me with tranquility but now the owner of the arms sat on the center of my mind. Multiple attempts to get a few hours of deep, comfortable sleep fell through quickly as I tossed and turned, my mind racked with everything but the need to sleep. The song also occupying my mind, the quiet of the room only making it amplify. It was all so noisy. The song and my troubles attacking me from every direction, not giving me any chance to fall into a much-needed slumber. Long sighs left my lips and the party beside me was not having it. He knew deep in my intellect was a bustling mess of thoughts. Curiosity got the best of him and he was speaking before he could register what he was saying in his head. "Something on your mind?" Gently I looked to my side, my vision being blessed with the heart-stopping view. "Is it that obvious?" I chuckled, now aware of how crazy I must've looked. His hand came to caress my cheek, the softest fingertips grazing over my flesh made me breathless. "Wanna talk about it babygirl?" He hummed, moving his hand down to my inner shoulder rubbing gentle circles to calm me down. I let out a big huff, I could keep this in and enjoy how his skin feels against mine or I could clear my head once and for all, it's not like I would get any sleep if I chose the first option. I bore into his eyes trying to figure out which option I should take, I was pulled out of my trance when I saw his eyes flick vigorously between mine; searching for my answer. "Sure," I cleared my throat and sat up, ready to let this out once and for all to the person I loved the most. He too sat up ready to listen and understand, compassion glazed over his eyes.

"No one loves me Taehyung!" I sighed feeling a small weight being lifted off of me. His eyes almost popped out of his eyes and he reached forward ready to interject, to tell me I'm wrong, "No don't," I stopped him "Let me," He sat back intrigued as to what nonsense I was mewing. "Repeatedly I've been told no one likes me or someone has a problem with me. My family said it and so have my friends over the years. Not one friend or family member I had didn't tell me they found faults in who I was. It got boring Tae and I started to believe it, I still do. Especially when you hear it from someone you love and trust fully. It hurts, it hurts so fucking much. I just feel unloved and that I've been lied to all my life. I feel useless and disappointed. Disappointed that I'm not enough for people and disappointed in myself for fully trusting people so quickly. I'm so lost and confused now, each day feels as if it has no meaning and I dont know if I wanna be here to deal with each day because all I can think about is what I did wrong and if I'll ever be able to be loved? I don't want to eat or sleep or interact with people that aren't my best friend. Each conversation I try to hold feels like a chore. I feel like I failed, I let people win over me, I called defeat while they carry on living their best lives. Now there's nothing left for me to do, I'm just living for the sake of it. Each day all I do is wallow in self-pity rather than moving on with the people who do truly love me because it's empty inside now, there's a big hole punctured in by the people who pretended to love me and care. If I think about my future I just think about running away from my current situation and starting afresh with my best friend. Going somewhere where I don't know anyone and starting new relationships but choosing carefully so I don't feel the same heartbreak again. I want a change, a new beginning, a fresh start." Tears pricked at my eyes as I poured out the worries that ached at my heart but a smile still creeping up on my face as I thought about being with people who truly love me.

"Leyya, I love you! More than anyone and I want you to know that. For me, you're everything and I mean that I promise." Tae lovingly confessed, his hands latching onto mine reassuringly. My smile slowly melted from my face, another worry itching at my head. "You don't Tae because you're not real! You aren't here right now; this is all a figment of my imagination. This is what I wish for every night, to be held in your arms and to hear your heartbeat right next to my ear as I sleep. To be your one and only, the love of your life. The only person you look at and the only person to be loved by you but that's not happening and it will never happen. You're Korean and 9 years older than me, a famous K-pop idol adored by many and you live in Seoul approximately 5,000 miles away from me. Lastly, you don't know me and you never will. Even if I do meet you, you'll see me as an ARMY, not as someone who you could possibly fall in love with. It sounds so ridiculous but this out of all things hurts the most, the harsh reality. I'm loving someone with my whole heart who doesn't even know I exist or how much I'm devoted to him. There are probably millions of people who feel the same, I'm nothing special just another in the mass of people. You made me fall in love with you from so far away and it wasn't how good looking you were or who you were. It was you, the real Kim Taehyung. I'm in love with how real and sincere you are, your goofiness and randomness. I love everything about you, the good and the bad, the ups and downs. I want to experience them all but I won't. Ever. It feels as if my heart is being ripped from my chest as I say this but its the truth and I have to face that I won't ever get you, I won't ever be lucky enough to know you personally. You will always be Taehyung; my bias from BTS who I love so dearly but no one understands because to everyone else I'm just a teenage girl going through her one of many phases. If it's a phase why does it hurt to love you?" At this point, tears were streaming down my face and I was holding onto Tae's hand for my dear life, he sat there watching me come undone not saying a word because I was right and he knew it. The Tae sitting in front of me wasn't real, I made him up to help comfort me.

My breathing started to steady itself as I took all the energy I had left to focus on my breathing. We both sat in a comfortable yet endearing silence, I was thankful he didn't push or question my words instead, he let me get all the shit I was bottling up out. The sun started to rise and I felt sleep descending onto my lids. Tae sensed my exhaustion and laid down with his arms open, inviting me to join him. Sighing contently, a sleepy smile overtook my face. I snuggled into his side and clutched onto his body with my dear life, not wanting the moment to conclude. For once I didn't feel as heavy but there was still something there, eating and gnawing at me but like I always do, I chose to ignore it. There was still something more, some unsaid words that I didn't choose to air, I can't air them because it hurts too much to talk about.

The chorus of the song played but this time faintly without a jumbled mess of worries interfering, it spread bliss throughout my body. "I'd love it if we made it!" The words lulled over again and again. Would I be able to make it? Will this emptiness be filled with happiness or more sorrow? I'm aware he isn't real but I love how warm he is, despite it being hot, his warmth isn't only in temperature but he makes me feel safe and wanted. He makes me want to cry and jump in joy that he's here but cry also in despair as he's not really with me. I'm just holding onto the fact that what my brain made could be real. His embrace was secure yet relaxing, it didn't feel forced, it felt just right. My eyes slowly blinked closed and my limbs fell free against his body. A neat kiss was sweetly placed on my forehead and collected breathing lay close by your ear.

"You are loved!"

(i made my mom cry pt2)

[toboldlyblahblahblah]

Alright, gang, strap in. Here are my thoughts on cursing in the 24th Century / the Universal Translator...

First off, I like to believe that we don’t see cursing in Star Trek (TNG/DS9/VOY) because actually by that point in the future cursing has become superfluous and irrelevant. Cursing was, historically, the language of the peasant. It wasn’t used by the upper class. And when you think about it, that kind of makes sense. Why do we curse? Usually because we’re frustrated about our current situation. And who’s more likely to be frustrated by their current situations: a farmer who doesn’t know how he’s going to feed his wife and children, or the wealthy landlord who owns the shire and all it’s land? 

Now that’s not to say that people aren’t without struggle in the 24th Century, but we do know that the narrative is always being told to us through the lens of human protagonists (Picard, Sisko, Janeway, Archer). Earth is supposed to have become a paradise. There’s no more war or money so presumably a lot less need to curse. 

Again, that’s not to say there isn’t cursing, but it is to say that when they spent a boatload of time and effort creating artificial intelligence that could interpret and translate all languages, they probably didn’t bother to put in a cuss words subroutine. It just... wasn’t necessary. 

“But what about the Klingons?” you say! “We hear them curse all the time! I think I even heard some Romulan curses before on TNG!”

Yeah, okay. Thank you for the audience participation. To that I say: this brings up an interesting point. WHY do we EVER hear ANY ALIEN LANGUAGES when supposedly everybody on the shows are speaking their own native tongues? And if you tell me it’s because the individuals are willingly choosing to not have their words translated, to that I say: Yeah, nah. Because if that were the case eavesdropping would be impossible. Quark would never have anything to worry about because Odo presumably was raised primarily learning Cardassian and Bajoran. He wouldn’t speak Ferengi so Quark would just always speak Ferengi when he was up to no good. 

Now, you could of course argue that I’ve picked a poor example, because there’s actually never any indication that Odo has a universal translator. His true form never shows any kind of chip or anything. And we know from that one DS9 episode where Quark & fam (spoilers!!) go back in time to Earth that not only are universal translators on ships and in the main computers of starbases, they’re also implanted in the humanoid brain. Most likely a small procedure performed not long after a child begins learning how to speak. Anyway -- we could argue that either 1.) because Odo is a changeling his ability to morph into other creatures also gives him an innate ability to understand languages extremely quickly, or 2.) that the implant version of the universal translator is relatively new technology by DS9 era and therefore may not have been common place then, and maybe not even around at all in TNG, but living on such a diverse space station most of the DS9 crew got them implanted. 

Next point of tension that has always confused me: Why do entire planets only have ONE language when Earth has COUNTLESS? Why is there French and German and English and Spanish but somehow only one Klingon or Romulan or Bajoran dialect? Furthermore, where did all the other languages go? Why do the humans really only speak English? 

Here’s my theory on that: There actually ARE many languages on each planet, and even still on Earth. However, all speech on any individual planet is likely fairly similar to each other while also being fairly unique from all other planets just by nature of the natural evolution of linguistics. Now if you really wanna get into the psychology of it, language is actually in part biologically wired into us as humans. We all learn language in about the same ways and at around the same time in our development (withstanding, of course, particular conditions that have late onset of verbal behavior). Yes, it’s entirely valid to argue that since life on other planets would evolve in completely different ways than on Earth, it is entirely possible and in fact most likely that language would be crazy different on any other planet just because the biology of any other form of life would be so drastically different from that on Earth.  Now that’s a slippery slope argument right there so I’m just going to stop you. Because Star Trek already solved that one for us with one simple phrase: HUMANOID. Yes, it is entirely ludicrous to think life on another planet would look so incredibly similar to life on Earth, but SOMEHOW, MAGICALLY in this universe and this version of the future, that is the case. (And, like, if you really wanna go crazy, you could blame that on an infinite number of realities whereby some version of our universe would indeed be populated almost exclusively by humanoids, but I digress...) 

ANYWAY! So! The point of that last crazy long paragraph was that all language on any planet is RELATIVELY similar, so translators have simply packed them all together to create one, general language for each world. Which means the humans aren’t actually speaking “English,” they are speaking “Earth” or “Human” or whatever... And you can even go one step further and say that we as a viewing audience are, too, being impacted by the universal translators. As the message is being sent through to us, it’s being translated into whatever language we speak. 

Now! Where does that leave us on alien cursing? Welp, I’m going to say that in the case of Klingons and to a lesser extend Romulans, their cursing is still kept in tact by the translators because the usage of these words is intrinsically linked to the CULTURE of these worlds. Klingons are these strong, warrior race. To them, cursing each other off is sort of equivalent to humans arm wrestling. It doesn’t really prove anything, no one is hurt in the end, but you did just prove how macho you are to everyone in the room! 

But is cursing really important to humans??? I dont know, maybe some of you guys can argue it is. But, to me, when someone curses at me, all it really tells me about them is that...... they’re angry. And honestly there are a hundred other ways to tell a person is angry with you, you don’t really need the curse words for it. The way the person looks, how they are acting, their inflection, how loudly they are speaking, so on and so forth. Plus! I even took a literature & compositions class once where the professor made a really valid point. “Have you ever been cursed out in another language?” she asked us, “Or overheard someone cursing out somebody else? You don’t need to know what the words mean. You can just TELL that they are curse words.” And that’s because curse words are almost ALWAYS (for humans, anyway - and in all languages) FRICATIVES. Fricatives are words that employ very harsh sounds and letter combinations. “f” and “sh” most notably, but also sounds like “k” and “t”. These harsh sounds carry the meaning of the words just by it’s phonics. 

Anyway. Why did I say all that? I dont know I kind of got off track by the end there but my main point is that curse words don’t really mean a lot for humans. Our culture wouldn’t be completely demolished without them. If they disappeared from existence tomorrow we could all carry on just fine. But that may not be the case for other planets and cultures. So that’s why there’s still cursing in Klingon and Romulan tongues. 

I still don’t have a very good answer for that “Why can we ever hear an alien language?” question. Not one  that really satisfies me, anyway. But yeah. Here’s an incredibly long post that likely no one will read and which in truth really adds absolutely nothing to the viewing experience of star trek. But thanks for tuning in. These are the inane ramblings of a psychology undergrad who just really likes asking pointless questions about non-existent future technology and alien interactions. 

[pinksweatergettingbetter]

warning, the following has mainly snarky (and possibly furious) opinions on Spirit of Justice. Reader discretion is advised.

alright. part two, here we go

-

“she’s safe”

“I’m afraid you’ve lost me”

the words ‘maya’ and ‘safe’ do not go together in phoenix’s dictionary 

-

...Phoenix’s phone has caller ID??

-

ooh a phone vocal-blip. cute

-

ok fuck you how is the Benefactor keeping tabs on them?? Did Atishon use his One Phone Call to report to headquarters or something???

-

“I admit, I didn’t see that coming”

well spoilers guys I know who the benefactor is, and they have to be pretty fucking stupid not to know that a spirit medium is needed for this.

-

“its your friendly neighbourhood dragon”

no dhurke, youre not cool enough to be spiderman.

-

“you cant lay a hand on maya fey, and i mean literally”

>foreboding 

-

[sighs deeply]

guys. just. fucking call edgeworth. he’s chief prosecutor of america and his sister is part of INTERPOL. call edgeworth and just. fix the fucking problem. right now.

-

“No time to explain”

ggghhghghhghghgh

-

...oh. there’s edgeworth

...............now watch him be completely fucking useless

-

.......ARE YOU KIDDING ME

PHOENIX /DID/ CALL EDGEWORTH THE MOMENT MAYA WAS KIDNAPPED AND HE STILL WENT THROUGH HIS FUCKING “DUHHH BETTER DEFEND THIS OBVIOUS CRIMINAL” SHIT??

-

oh edgeworth. you and your chartered planes.

whenever he does that i like to imagine he hired MJN air.

-

Edgeworth...

A) Why are you letting Dhurke be involved? Just cut him out, send Franziska and Lang in with a team of guys and kick the shit out of the enemy

B) You don’t need to conceal someone on a charter jet. You chartered it. You can do whatever the fuck you want with it. Besides, Dhurke got into the country p easily, he can get out the same way.

C) Dhurke is a criminal. Depending on what he’s done as a rebel, he could be as guilty in your country as his home country. Why are you acting like he’s innocent? Aren't you kind of by-the-book?

-

oh yeah and despite the fact that they’ve updated Phoenix’s sprite, Miles still looks like a frozen plank of wood. Thanks :\

-

Apollo: Sorry Trucy, guess you have to hold all the unnecessary evidence and hold down the fort and be LEFT BEHIND FOR A CHANGE AAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

-

oh. this is a really nice garden.

the drama theme is kinda harshing the mellow tho

-

o hai rayfa

-

um. what the fuck. that mask must make it pretty difficult to do shit pal

-

Garan, whilst ordering her henchmen online: drama queen or king preferred 

-

UR DIARRHOEA, GAH-RAHN

cool theme, love the use of the royal “we”. 

-

“what about those guards over there”

“ohh, just prepared to fuck shit u–– iii mean help you haha.”

-

yeahhh... I'm not buying her super calm “my husband is a kidnapper” attitude. 

-

UIGSFILGFLIS DHURKE YOU FUCKING MORON

god he’s such a useless piece of shit. unless he’s trying to get taken so that he can be taken to... idk, wherever Maya is held in some sort of Gambit, he’s a real moron for just up and outing himself like that.

-

BAAAAARBED HEAD. YOU HAVE SOME SPLAAAAAAAAININ TO DOOOO

-

man why do they even give us other options if we can’t use them???

-

“Dhurke... I sure hope he’s alright”

hey apollo wanna hear a secret

i dont 

-

Phoenix externally: Patience, Apollo, patience.

Phoenix internally: we are so screwed at any moment the queen could be all “OFF WITH YOUR HEAD” and i’ll never see trucy or maya again jesus holy mother buddha help me

-

i love that Garananana is kinda just chilling with them. You got more important shit to do, queenie. like being evil 

also open your goddamn mouth once in a while, sheesh

-

Apollo: I hope no one gets hurt

The entire series of ace attorney as a whole: oh honey

-

wait ... INGA HAD A RATTAIL?!

-

ohhh yesss listen to those punches

why couldn’t they have animated it too ;w;

-

phew. im glad Maya’s ok. 

-

yeesh... poor Rayfa.

-

i love that even apollo’s like “fuck dad, you didn't kill him, did you?????”

its a beautiful contrast to how adamant he was about Trucy not killing Manov. 

-

um, soundtrack, now is not the time for Grand Revival. I know Edgeworth is on screen but the shit he’s saying is far, far from uplifting.

-

“it seems prosecutor sahdmadhi has grown quite fond of her”

nooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

-

“they’ve almost become a team of sorts”

ok so mark Ema down on the list of AJ characters who will never be seen again after this game.

fuck man i’d even take Klema over this 

-

can you imagine if they'd split up Apollo/Phoenix  Edgeworth/Athena instead

i really wonder how Athena and Edgeworth would interact. Athena’s spunky enough to be a bit like Kay I suppose, so maybe similar to that.

-

again, Kooraheen’s detention centre theme is really quite pretty

too bad i have to look at Dhurke’s face while listening to it

-

...a tasty... hash house

i

oh apollo’s up for that

well tbh if i was him i could use some hash after all this shit

-

yEAH YOU TELL’IM APOLLO

SMARTEN THAT BASTARD UP

-

god apollo he’s not worth it. i’d say leave the fucker to his fate but i guess it is important to find the real killer... sigh

-

apparently queen Amara liked insensitive fuckbags with masculinity issues

oh well. to each their own.

-

>:( don’t compare Dhurke’s story to Phoenix’s, Apollo 

-

“you ran?! but why?!!”

oh i dunno, athena, maybe the fucking death penalty?????

-

hang the fuck on

are you telling me that Dhurke started making trips to his shitty abandoned law office via sewer... while Apollo was still with him?!

Like what fucking reason would he have to drag him down there?! The place is an archive/resistance base, but Apollo and Sadmad lived in the mountains as children; why the fuck would he take his /kids/ into town at the risk of having them all arrested at once?!

WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM, DHURKE

-

that orb better be a fucking laser or some shit cause I'm really tired of hearing about it 

-

oh......... hi sadmad..................... what a pleasure to see you........... again................

just as fucking pleasant as ever

-

i love that Dhurke is like “what happened to fighting the man, son??”

like even if he is a double agent he can’t very well just be like “psst I'm still on your side!!!!” in front of the fucking guard 

i hate that dhurke’s face is so placid during this too.

“Son, why did you betray me? Also how was the sports game?”

-

“The Nahyuta you knew exists no more”

yeah sure sadblackworth, whatever you say

-

oh well that was abrupt 

meh, onwards to the tomb

-

“No, that’s the holy mother. She’s the one who brought spirit channeling to Khura’in”

oh so you mean Ami Fey.

-

oh ema... i’ll miss you while youre off being Sadmad’s lapdog 

-

“You mean His Ephemeral Holiness?”

Yes, Ema, fight it!!! Fight it!!!!!!

“But when he manages a smile and compliments my work, it’s hard to say no.”

...nuts. 

-

wait what do you mean the defendant is someone you know

you met Dhurke like once a day ago 

-

aw apollo took the locked-room-mystery words right out of my mouth. i love him so. why are they going to take him away?

-

 alrihgt back to this shit after like a 3 month hiatus or something 

-

i love how chill everyone is talking about Maya’s kidnapping 

“oh yeah he brought her here to the tomb so nobody would see. sensible thing to do. oh also maya almost died but i guess that’s nbd”

-

casually opens a tomb

casually opens the sarcophagus hangings  

casually tries to open the sarcophagus when told there’s a mummy inside

apollo, you're contracting douche-itis from everyone else. this old family of yours is a bad influence.

-

...we’re gonna yeet this sarcophagus arent we 

-

i love that Amara’s just kinda. depicted standing there as she’s burned to death. i mean i guess theyre trying to preserve her beauty and dignity in death but it also makes her look like an idiot who didnt try to escape the flames. 

ooh i like that last one though

-

pff thats a pretty well-equipped corpse line

-

“Where’d the other three bullets go?”

“Maybe Dhurke ate them?”

if he did they'd better have a VERY good explanation 

-

“the poor guy”

EMA

HE WAS HOLDING MAYA HOSTAGE

-

“the cuffs of justice”

love it

-

“just one of those traditions people do and they dont know the reason why”

“like rolling up your sleeves?”

“or your psychology, if we’re going there” HE FUCKING WENT THERE

OOOOOOOOOOO I LOVE YOU APOLLO

-

“he said grape juice has something in it that helps you relax”

are we going into grape juice lore here

"Really? ...Um, are you sure he was talking about regular, plain old grape juice?”

Yes, actually, Athena. It’s canonical that it is /actual off-the-vine welsh’s good ol’ sippy cup grape juice/. It’s not a metaphor or a censoring for kids, it’s just juice.

Of course, this is written by the DDSOJ staff. And considering the intense, dark n’ gritty action makeover the series got, I wouldn’t put it past them to retcon the juice into the... “fermented variety”. thanks Athena.

Yayyy not only do they write shitty dads, but they have to retroactively en-shitten Phoenix as an alcoholic father. Gosh, I sure do love these guys.

(obviously this isn’t a dig at anyone who head canons gj as wine, there’s a difference between head canons and malicious retconning.)

-

hmm interesting mechanic for this chair. i guess since you can’t stuff it in your inventory you cant do the ‘look all over’ thing. but on the other hand, they REALLY wanted to impress you with that hidden blood.

-

Ema: [performs a blood test in 2 seconds] I didn’t get a match!

Well probably not in that time, babe

i have to commend them on the little cutscene though that was nice. 

-

again, i guess Amara really liked emotionally stunted fuckwads

the devil horns are a bit much, though.

-

oh damn.

thats a nice ass pendant 

...oh thats blood

well, it sets off the pink and gold quite nicely. and its a butterfly... seems like something Dahlia would wear

-

“speak of the devil...”

speak of the devil indeed. hiiiiiii sadmad... its been a while.

-

oh ok he didnt say anything 

also i find it funny that apollos like “Wait!! wait!! damnit, after him!”

and then you just. go back into the talk menu with Ema. bit of a moment killer, there.

-

“why does everything have to be so difficult with you?”

cause hes a prosecutor, apollo. thats just how it is on this bitch of an earth 

-

“the law is the law. placing personal feelings above it is beyond reprieve”

ah but placing religion above it is totally fine. gotcha yuts

-

“And the winner is... prosecutor Sahdmadi!”

helpful, athena

-

“it’s like he’s trying to cover something up with his pretty words!”

oh did you mean the inevitable reveal that he's actually a good guy and we have to forgive him for being a shitwad? 

-

oh wow. that joke post about sadmad developing generalized anxiety was actually based on a legit thing that happened 

is it ok if i hate him even more for it? i mean how did he figure it out? he didn’t let apollo use it in court so where would he have gained the knowledge? unless he knows about Thalassa’s abilities...

...also, how /is/ he doing this? the way Perceive works isn’t just “i can sense that you’re uncomfortable”, it’s that people who can use it have extremely good eye-sight and see tiny little movements in other people. If they’re smart about it, they can tell that the movements mean the enemy is lying. Apollo just happens to get tense when he notices this, most likely because he’s kind of straining his eyes.

But then again that brings up the fact that his power would act up CONSTANTLY, either because EVERYBODY FIDGETS, or Apollo himself could just be stressed and making the bracelet squeeze on its own.

So thanks, SOJ. Not content with ruining Apollo’s canon, you’ve also got to ruin his cool lawyer power. Gosh, you’re just the gift that keeps on giving, aren’t you? 

-

“Powerless in the face of the Holy Mother’s blessings”

SOJ team is now nicknamed the Holy Mother. Or possibly the Unholy Mother.

-

“Looks like your power won’t work against Sadmadhi. Guess we’ll have to try something else.”

“Yeah, let’s ask Dhurke...”

Yeah. Because you obviously don’t have someone with you RIGHT NOW who ALSo has a special power. You dont even have TWO POEPLE with you with a special power. Guess we’d better talk to the man who birthed this shiteater.

-

“I won against Mr. Wright”

yeah in a completely rigged trial where losing would be the worst option. thats not really something to brag about, you know.

-

“...doomed to be reborn as something lower than a bug or a vegetable”

you heard it here first folks Sadmad hates sustaining agriculture and the bees.

-

>Lang’s scrolls and dickfuckery

>Edgeworth’s by-the-bookishness

>Franziska’s catchphrase

>Blackquill’s backstory twist

These were the ingredients chosen to make the perfect prosecutor. But the SOJ writers accidentally added an extra ingredient to the concoction: BAD WRITING 

THUS UNINSPIRED ASSHOLE WAS BORN!

-

apollo you don’t matter to anyone anymore youre getting the boot. do as your foster pop said when you were a drowning 5 y/o and suck those pussy baby tears back into your skull.

-

welp thats it for part one of investigation day 2. now (i think) we’re headed over to the delicious pandering of Phoenix and Edgeworth, back together. Will it bring me solace despite being an obvious ratings grab?

good god, i hope so.

till next time.

[ramajmedia]

13 Reasons Why: 10 Things We Don’t Like About Clay | ScreenRant

Teen drama 13 Reasons Why broke onto the scene in 2017, causing controversy thanks to its graphic depictions of rape and suicide. But the series has continued to go strong with fresh, new storylines each season, including in its latest third which was just released on Netflix on August 23, 2019.

While some characters have come and gone, one who remains central to the story is Clay Jensen, played by Dylan Minnette. In season 1, Clay was a close friend to Hannah, the central character to the story who sent tapes to those she blamed for driving her to commit suicide. In season 2, he fought dutifully for Hannah’s honor, trying to do right by her in the wake of her death, then put himself on the line to stop Tyler from conducting a school shooting. And in season 3, he found himself central to the drama once again as Bryce, the young man who raped Hannah, is found dead.

RELATED: Every Song In 13 Reasons Why Season 3 

There are some things to truly love about Clay, such as his steadfast dedication to his friends, his determination and will to fight for what he believes in, and his clever and smart personality. But there are also lots of things we really don’t like about him.

*Spoilers for season 3 of 13 Reasons Why below*

10 He Becomes Easily Obsessed With Girls

Clay is your typical shy teenage boy, although he seems quite comfortable in his own skin as the book smart nerdy type who doesn’t really fit into any clique and is accepting of that. Yet he seems to have a hard time expressing his feelings to girls he likes, then gets obsessed with them.

We saw it with Hannah when Clay clearly pined for her yet wouldn’t make a move, then jealously watched her flirt with and get involved with other boys. And the same happened with Ani in season 3 as he focused on their friendship even though he clearly had romantic feelings for her, then became enraged with jealously when he found out about her and Bryce, or when she and Zach shared friendly and flirty conversations.

9 He Never Makes The First Move

As noted above, Clay pines in silence for girls he is interested in, like Hannah and Ani, yet does nothing. He constantly backtracks when he feels any potential for rejection, which is completely contrary to the way he behaves in any other scenario.

Even when the girls drop subtle hints like Ani’s mention of never having been asked to a dance before, he chickens out or doesn't pick up on them. We get it if Clay is naturally a shy person. But he clearly has no issues speaking up in any other circumstance, and is very perceptive otherwise. So why not with girls?

8 He Thinks He Can Save the World

Clay has a sort of God complex in that he thinks he can, and should, save everyone. He tried to do it with Hannah when she was alive, and even more so after she was dead. Then when Tyler was in trouble, he took him on as a project, convinced he could save the troubled and bullied boy who clearly needed, and still needs, some professional help.

When it comes to crimes, Clay fancies himself some type of sleuth detective, riding around on his bike (in season 3, finally a car) chasing down what he believes to be truths, and stopping at nothing to find them. We appreciate the determination, but sometimes he takes it too far.

RELATED: 13 Reasons Why: 15 Things Fan Choose To Ignore About The Show 

7 He Takes Dangerous Risks

For someone who’s afraid to ask a girl out on a date, Clay sure has no fear when it comes to standing up to a guy holding a gun to his face, or charging at a burly football player who could probably take him down with one hand.

Clay is a smart guy, yet he makes really dumb moves sometimes that, outside of the fantasy world of television, would have almost definitely landed him in serious trouble, and injury. Yet Clay somehow always appears to emerge unscathed.

6 He Does Stupid Things Sometimes

Clay tends to react quickly without thinking, doing things that he might later regret because he believes them to be right at the moment. His death threat texts to Bryce are a perfect example, along with his visit to Bryce’s home, gun in hand.

Then, in season 3, faced with accusations of killing Bryce, he decides to run away but changes his mind when Tyler tells him he needs him, again believing that he needs to save the world and things could go horribly wrong if he's not there. Clay might be book smart, but he really needs to work on his street smarts and realizing that the world doesn't revolve around him.

5 He Has Little Confidence In Himself

Clay seems like a young man who is self-assured, yet he also conversely appears to have little confidence in himself. It’s apparent with his views about girls, but he also talks down about his body or his abilities as a friend or romantic partner.

He’s headstrong, yet deep down, there are insecurities there that might cause him to act out in anger. Maybe this is why he consistently tries to save everyone else, as he sees it as a way to justify his own existence.

RELATED: 10 Riverdale Moments That Topped Our Cringe-Meter 

4 He Has a Jealous Streak

Ironically, while Clay has issues declaring his feelings for girls, that doesn’t stop him from getting jealous when they look elsewhere for love. We can understand his anger when he found out about Ani and Bryce, as that went deeper than just jealousy. Bryce is the man who caused all of the anger and pain for Hannah, so it’s understandable that he’s the last person Clay would want to see Ani romantically involved with.

But he seemed upset whenever Hannah hung out with people other than him as well, or when Ani didn’t want him to drop her off close to the house. Sometimes, Clay can be far too uptight and needs to loosen up a bit.

3 He’s Rarely Nice To His Parents

Clay’s interactions with his parents are usually fleeting as he is rushing off to school or to do something he’s lying to them about, like spy on someone or investigate something. His parents seem like genuinely nice and caring people, yet Clay treats them as if they are in the way most of the time.

Not only did his parents build Clay his own space in the guest house, but they opened their home to his fellow classmate, a drug addict Justin who’s druggie mother abandoned him. Then they hired a lawyer to help defend Clay when he was accused of murdering Bryce without once second-guessing their son's innocence. It seems Clay should give them a bit more credit and attention. Then again, he is just a teenage boy, and that’s kind of what they do.

2 He Likes To Get In Everyone’s Business

No matter what’s going on, rest assured Clay will show up in some capacity, whether the situation has anything to do with him or not. He’s constantly following people, checking up on them, and sticking his nose where it doesn’t belong in a desperate attempt to find out a truth.

A fight breaks out in the school hallway, Clay is there. A secret kiss, Clay is lurking at the sidelines. A drug hand-off? Rest assured Clay will find out or will somehow see what’s going on. Doesn’t this kid have anything else to do?

1 He Refused To Call Justin a Friend or Brother (At First)

While Clay later warmed up to Justin, in one episode, he basically told someone that Justin was simply living at his parents’ house and sharing a room with him. He refused to call Justin a brother, or even just a friend.

Later, the two did share some “I love you, bros” but mostly prompted by Justin who wasn’t afraid to express his gratitude. Clay often hides his emotions, and Justin, who wears his heart on his sleeve, could have really used hearing those brotherly words earlier on.

RELATED: 10 Teen Shows We Want a Reboot of More Than Beverly Hills 9021030

source https://screenrant.com/13-reasons-10-things-dont-like-clay/

[my-insanity-is-irrelevant]

The same to you - all of them 🎃

200: My crush’s name is: Ryan, Eli, Claire, several others I cant name for complicated reasons 

199: I was born in: 1997/a hospital 

198: I am really: Intense weather in my calmness or excitement 

197: My cellphone company is: T-Mobile

196: My eye color is: Light green

195: My shoe size is: 9 1/2 wide (i usually have to do like a 11 for high heals)

194: My ring size is: ??????? probably big I have chubby fingers

193: My height is: 5′ 6″

192: I am allergic to: nothing unless you count idiocy 

191: My 1st car was: A blue 2007 Ford Focus and I LOVED her

190: My 1st job was: A server for Cheddar’s Casual Cafe 

189: Last book you read: How to Ruin Everything by George Watsky 10/10

188: My bed is: A king with lots o’ pillows and blankets and is very comfy

187: My pet: 2 cats, 5 kittens, 6 dogs, 2 snakes, 1 bearded dragon, 1 leopard gecko, 4 turtles, 1 bullfrog tadpole, and bunches of fish

186: My best friend: is a boy i met a month ago because i have intimacy issues

185: My favorite shampoo is: Dead Sea’s Argon oil shampoo is so good to my poor dry curls

184: Xbox or ps3: I use an Xbox to watch Netflix but I don’t play video games

183: Piggy banks are: Cute decorations but go unused

182: In my pockets: $2, some lint, a rubber band, and something weird i took out of my dog’s mouth earlier

181: On my calendar: I have nothing written in it but it has cool pictures of bears

180: Marriage is: Cool because of the financial benefits but other than that unnecessary to prove one’s love. I want a wedding though because I want a pretty dress

179: Spongebob can: Make me hate my life a 3am

178: My mom: Died of breast cancer and smoked a lot of pot

177: The last three songs I bought were? I can’t remember ever paying for music but the last three i listened to are: Cherry Wine by Hozier, Strong As An Oak by Watsky, and San Cristobal by Mal Blum

176: Last YouTube video watched: A slam poem by Neil Hilborn called Liminality

175: How many cousins do you have? I have no clue? At least 10 on each side, but i’m sure there’s way more than that

174: Do you have any siblings? 2 older brothers, 2 older sisters, ans one younger sister 

173: Are your parents divorced? They were never married

172: Are you taller than your mom? Nope! She was like 5′10′

171: Do you play an instrument? I can play hot cross buns on the recorder and thats the best i can do

170: What did you do yesterday? I slept and ate beef jerky[ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: No, but i do believe in lust and infatuation at first site. I think  love takes time to grow.

168: Luck: Yes like, as in karma

167: Fate: Catch me in the right mood and i do

166: Yourself: NOOOOOPE

165: Aliens: Yes

164: Heaven: No

163: Hell: Yes, it’s called Texas

162: God: Naaaaah

161: Horoscopes: I think they’re accurate generalizations

160: Soul mates: Yeah but not like the traditional; kind of way, i think we have lots of people we’re meant to be with in various ways

159: Ghosts: Yes and No i go back and forth

158: Gay Marriage: 100%

157: War:0%

156: Orbs: Idk what this is talking about but sure, ill root for them

155: Magic: No, Im a science gal[ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: Hugs

153: Drunk or High: High, drinking gives me a tummy ache

152: Phone or Online: Online

151: Red heads or Black haired: Red heads

150: Blondes or Brunettes: Brunettes

149: Hot or cold: Cold

148: Summer or winter: Winter

147: Autumn or Spring: Autumn

146: Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla

145: Night or Day: Night

144: Oranges or Apples: Apples

143: Curly or Straight hair: Curly

142: McDonalds or Burger King: Mcdonald’s

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: White Chocolate is the key to my heart

140: Mac or PC: PC

139: Flip flops or high heels: HIgh heels even though i cant walk in them

138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: Sweet and poor

137: Coke or Pepsi: Coke

136: Hillary or Obama: Obama

135: Burried or cremated: Cremated, the idea of rotting creeps me out

134: Singing or Dancing: Dancing but im bad at both

133: Coach or Chanel: Idgaf

132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: ??????

131: Small town or Big city: Big city

130: Wal-Mart or Target: Wal-Mart

129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: I hate Adam Sandler

128: Manicure or Pedicure: Manicure

127: East Coast or West Coast: West Coast

126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Christmas all the waaaaaay

125: Chocolate or Flowers: Flowers, preferably potted

124: Disney or Six Flags: Disney i’m scared of roller coasters

123: Yankees or Red Sox: I dont sports[ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: Its stupid and bad and i hate violence 

121: George W. Bush: Okay, looook, i dig his paintings, okay???

120: Gay Marriage: gimme that shit i want that shit

119: The presidential election: I could be down for violence against trump

118: Abortion: everyone should have safe access to abortions, they save lives

117: MySpace: I never had one? Does it still exist? I may make one for fun? 

116: Reality TV: i dont ever watch it, i avoid it like the plauge

115: Parents: Mine were grade A shit

114: Back stabbers: What goes around comes around

113: Ebay: I use Amazon

112: Facebook: Its filled with my racist family, i avoid it 

111: Work: I watch my niece and nephew (twins) and i love it

110: My Neighbors: I don’t interact with them ever

109: Gas Prices: why so expensive pls give me break

108: Designer Clothes: catch me in wal-mart clothes i bough 4 years ago

107: College: I want but cant afford halp

106: Sports: no

105: My family: I love them but they fkn annoy the shit out of me with their political views

104: The future: stop.[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: My niece yesterday

102: Last time you ate: I am eating a bowl of mac n’ cheese right now

101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: I saw my sister’s in-laws last week and i loooooove them! I made slime with the kids

100: Cried in front of someone: When i found out my ex was cheating on me like two months ago

99: Went to a movie theater: Went on a date with a cute boi like a month ago and w saw Baby Driver it was so good

98: Took a vacation: The only vacation ive ever took in my life was with my ex and his family to Florida last summer

97: Swam in a pool: Less than a week ago

96: Changed a diaper: Yesterday, i change them for a living

95: Got my nails done:last summer

94: Went to a wedding: My oldest sister got married last week!

93: Broke a bone: when i was like 3????

92: Got a peircing: two weeks ago i got my nipples done

91: Broke the law: this morning when i got high

90: Texted: Im texting cute bbs  right now[ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: My boi Ryan who is a fkn idiot i love him

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: I already left home and only miss having someone else cook and clean because my roomates are hopeless

87: The last movie I saw: The Last Five Years

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: When i can move far north and start a loving and respectful communist sex cult

85: The thing im not looking forward to: Getting up for work at 5 in the morning

84: People call me: lame

83: The most difficult thing to do is: exist

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: i sure haven’t i’m Safe

81: My zodiac sign is: Libra

80: The first person i talked to today was: Ryan

79: First time you had a crush: i liked a boy named Antonio in second grade

78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: no one? 

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: Ryan last night when we said a stupid Ricks and Morty quote at the same time

76: Right now I am talking to: my cat Beatrice 

75: What are you going to do when you grow up: probably cry a lot

74: I have/will get a job: working with kids!

73: Tomorrow: I will be very tired

72: Today: I am very tired

71: Next Summer: I will be very hot

70: Next Weekend: Im going to tie ppl up with rope

69: I have these pets: see 187

68: The worst sound in the world: A baby crying because they’re hurt or sad

67: The person that makes me cry the most is: my ex inbox me for his url so you can tell him hes a meanie

66: People that make you happy: My nieces and nephews and also my bff

65: Last time I cried: last night because the damn dog was so cute

64: My friends are: amazing and deserve the world

63: My computer is: slow and bad but i still love her

62: My School: was down the road from a prison, which my mom was in years ago

61: My Car: is old and smells like my mom’s cigarettes 

60: I lose all respect for people who: are racist, homophobic, sexist, trans-phobic, Islamophobic, anti-semetic, ect. 

59: The movie I cried at was: the beginning of Guardians of the Galaxy

58: Your hair color is: Auburn

57: TV shows you watch: Game of Thrones, Criminal Minds, Sense 8

56: Favorite web site: tumblr.com

55: Your dream vacation: stargazing in Alaska 

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: when i fucked up my siatic nerve in a car wreck in January 

53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium-well

52: My room is: cold and messy and covered in kittens

51: My favorite celebrity is: Harry Styles

50: Where would you like to be: on a beach in Iceland with a person playing a ukulele 

49: Do you want children: Only if i have more than one long term partner living with me 

48: Ever been in love: Yes 

47: Who’s your best friend: see 186 its Ryan

46: More guy friends or girl friends: no

45: One thing that makes you feel great is: when my cat comes to me and just lays where shes barely touching me 

44: One person that you wish you could see right now: My best friend from high school who committed suicide 

43: Do you have a 5 year plan: no

42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: no

41: Have you pre-named your children: I want to name my kid Coraline but id also like to do something not defined by a single gender?

40: Last person I got mad at: My sister because she left the dogs inside all day while i was at work even though shes a stay at home mom and so the poor things had accidents and no one was happy

39: I would like to move to: Canada

38: I wish I was a professional: mom[ My Favorites ]37: Candy: white chocolate truffles 

36: Vehicle: vintage beatles 

35: President: Alexander Hamilton

34: State visited: Florida

33: Cellphone provider: ?????

32: Athlete: ?????

31: Actor: Nat Wolf

30: Actress: Maise willams

29: Singer: Radical Face/Hozier

28: Band: Bad Books

27: Clothing store: Wal-mart

26: Grocery store: Joe-V’s Smart Shop

25: TV show: Game of Thrones

24: Movie: Swiss Army Man

23: Website: see 56

22: Animal:  Monitors 

21: Theme park: i dont do theme parks

20: Holiday: Halloween

19: Sport to watch: does Yuri on Ice count?

18: Sport to play: no

17: Magazine: i don’t read magazines but i heard Teen Vogue is doing wonders

16: Book: The Kite Runner

15: Day of the week: Wednesday’s Child is Full of Woe

14: Beach: wherever i was in Florida 

13: Concert attended: Warped Tour 2015 there was a band called Onwards ect. it was so good

12: Thing to cook: homemade flour tortillas 

11: Food: Cheese enchiladas

10: Restaurant: This cute little place named Marianne’s thats down the road from my house she makes the best tamales 

9: Radio station: 94.5 The Buzz

8: Yankee candle scent: Clean Linen 

7: Perfume: i dont

6: Flower: Lilies 

5: Color: pink

4: Talk show host: Steve Harvey

3: Comedian: John Mulaney

2: Dog breed: Pit Bulls

1: Did you answer all these truthfully? 100%

[jaykore]

I always wonder whenever I come across someone who ships Jason/Tim, so I just thought I'd actually ask for once: how do you think Bruce would react when he discovered they were in a relationship? I mean, they're not technically related but he does consider them his sons and has adopted them both. Plus, there was the whole time when Jason seemed to hate Tim and even tried to kill him. There's also the possibility of it affecting their vigilantism.

OOF.A fair but loaded question- and you’ve come to the absolute, most inarticulate person on this hellsite. Buckle up friend, we’re going on this journey of discovery together.

Long post under the cut!

I’d like to believe that Bruce would be tolerant and hopefully even supportive. Though to be honest, this is a hard question to really answer easily and adequately, and I’m not just saying that as a cop out.

Which version of Bruce are you asking about? And which versions of Jason and Tim?

For me personally, my headcanons and interpretations of all the characters are a melding of all of the different timelines. Asking questions like, “would Bruce approve” or saying “he has adopted them both” forces them into a singular, static iteration of the character. And I think to form any kind of opinion, we have to either reconcile the different versions or treat them as separate entities altogether (which DC itself is terrible at!)

Let’s touch on the adoptions first since those thoughts are easiest for me to work through.

Were Jason and Tim both adopted by Bruce Wayne? Yes, in the Pre52 verses. Does this legally make them brothers? Perhaps. But we also need to consider (and this is fact), that Jason’s existence in Tim’s life was by reputation only, that they were entirely unacquainted with each other until Jason returned to life. Jason was an idea, and a warning to Tim. I don’t think they perceive one another as a ‘brother’ at all, except that according to documentation they are/were Bruce’s sons. Certainly I would say that Tim and Jay each consider Bruce to be a father, but I truly think its a stretch to say that they consider themselves to be familial. Dick is a closer to a brother to either of them then they are each other, particularly Tim.

In New52 they have a much closer relationship (more brotherly I would say), but they are not brothers -at all-. Jason refers to Tim as “bro” once (in RHatO), though the quotations imply (imo) that this is a sarcastic comment. Tim also notes that Bruce really isn’t Jason’s father due to his death- though there are continuity issues on this point. While Tim states Bruce isn’t Jays father “anymore” Jason notes that Dick and Jason were wards only; implying he was never actually adopted. The one thing that is static in the New52 is Tim himself was never adopted by Bruce Wayne. Hence, at least by this timeline, Jay and Tim and Dick are not brothers regardless of the some of the sloppy writing.

Would Bruce take issue with two people who are not blood relatives, who have never lived under the same roof, who have not shared a last name, who don’t consider themselves ‘family’, and in the case of new52, aren’t even adopted relatives, being together? Maybe not. But I think it would have to do more with how they treat each other and less with him considering them to be his sons. Which brings me to my next point.

To state explicitly that “Bruce would 100% not approve” I would assume would be in a timeline where Jason, Tim and Bruce were on the outs. Where Jason was still ostracized from the Batfamily. Where Tim was brutalized by Jason. Essentially the pre52!Jay who held a vendetta against everyone and launched premeditated attacks against Tim. Would Bruce be okay with a relationship in this timeline? Honestly, likely not. Bruce goes out of his way to warn Tim about Jason much in the same way as he warned Jason about the Joker, implying that he considers Jason to be insane, and a criminal. Although how many times does B give his foes a second chance hm? And I think that’s one of the more interesting things about the Batfam- there’s always room (it seems) for redemption. But I digress.

Tim and Jason’s adoption aside I think a relationship between the two of them, and how the fam would take would be largely affected by Tim and Jason themselves. Personally I love to see Jason working to earn Tim’s trust. I like the friction between the two of them. I like the idea that Jason could ‘heal’ (if that’s what we should call it) from his death, from the pit, from feeling like he’d been abandoned. I like the idea that Tim (who I think is potentially the most Machiavellian of the fam) could help Jay work through that. And…. aside from the anger, the jealousy and the very black and white morality, even in this timeline (Pre52) Jason still comes to respect Tim and his abilities to some degree (going so far as to ask him to join him in taking down the gangs). So we get glimpses of this potential for them to be -more- than antagonists.

Whether or not Tim would/should forgive Jason is a completely different monster... though Tim has often seemed to want to try and see the good in Jay, and get him to change (see “Pre Battle for the Cowl” in particular). Similarly, New52 tries to imply a past friction between the two that has since been on the mend and its insinuated that Tim is perhaps in part responsible (regardless of how Bruce feels). We’re never told to what extent Jason acted negatively towards Tim however- that is completely left up to interpretation (or an assumption that its referring to pre52).

(can we stop and appreciate the sass of this stare for a moment? Tim plz.)

I wouldn’t say that this version of Jason is a complete departure from his former self. Rather it does seem like an effort to try and reconcile his more villainous nature, with an anti-hero who’s ‘doing his best’™. Jason still kills pretty indiscriminately, aside from the instances where Tim calls for his help and while his morals are still very black and white, and don’t fit Bruce’s ideal, he is more tempered and functions on a more even keel. (I feel like Im getting derailed but stick with me).

Fast forward to Rebirth, and Jason is now arguably back in the fold. He’s proven to Bruce that he’s capable of operating as a vigilante without the use of terminal force and we’ve been gifted (hallelujah) with some pretty amazing ‘bonding’ scenes between Bruce and Jason. While Jay and Tim have yet to have any tangible interaction (New52 was definitely the run for jaytim fodder), Jason and Tim both consider each other on different occasions if only to note their aptitude or usefulness.

Either way you slice this, if this a ‘redemption’ for pre52 Jason, or an entire retcon of his character, its obvious that the mania he suffered upon returning from the dead is no longer there and that he is capable of, and would be accepted as being, a member of the “Batfam”. Now... Would this version of Bruce be accepting of this version of Jason and Tim having a relationship? They’re not adopted brothers anymore, there is no apparent lingering animosity (we don’t even know if Jay explicitly attacked Tim), and, there appears to be some modicum of mutual respect… so why wouldn’t he be for it?

As I said early on (and kudos if you’ve made if this far). Which versions are we dealing with? Truthfully I don’t buy into the ‘adopted brothers’ argument because I don’t read them as being familial in any sense. Their relationship therefore hinges on Jasons attitude, his interactions with Bruce, and his treatment of Tim.

If we’re dealing with static timelines… I dont think pre52 JayTim would be OK in B’s eyes. Aside from Jason’s nature being in such opposition to how Bruce operates, he does attack Tim (and Dick), with malice and with purpose. Regardless of how you want to rationalize it (personally I do like the ‘pit madness’ headcanon), it happened. And although Tim seems to be able to move past that, I think there’s is a lot of damage that would not easily be repaired.

In terms of New52 or Rebirth Jason and Tim? Hell yeah… why not? Jason’s relationships are on the mend. He’s shown that he can operate within the bounds of Bruce’s moral code. He and Tim have a respectful and functioning relationship that looks good on them both. I don’t see how one couldn’t read anything from New52 and argue that they don’t compliment each other. They’re the self proclaimed “Black Sheep” of the lot. They’ve both tried (and felt like they’ve failed), to fill their predecessors shoes. They both want to prove themselves and desire to be needed. I could keep going on but this is already long enough.

In summation, would Bruce approve? Yes and No. Depending on which Bruce, which Jason, and which Tim you’re talking about. And if you wanted to brave and try to harmonize the mess that is the DC timeline, you’d have a lot of work taking what is/could be a toxic relationship and molding it into something closer to that of the New52. The question of whether or not you should is something else entirely I won’t touch on here (but to give you an idea on my stance... this is what transformative works and AUs are for yes?).

Oh! And lastly, “would it affect their vigilantism”? How so? In terms of being able to operate and function? I don’t think it would have a negative impact. I think they would operate much the same as we see in New52; with trust, and sass and camaraderie.

Sorry this got so long, but thanks for the opportunity to empty my brain-cage and I hope thats a satisfactory answer for you! : )

I’d love to hear anyone else’s thoughts if you’d like to share, and also if I’ve misinterpreted a fact let me know… these storylines are hard to keep in order!

[ladysophiebeckett]

im gonna talk about the royals again, so like blacklist my ass idc. 

i was thinking about s2 and s3 in regards to wilhelmina and liam’s interactions. it’s basically a polo match meetcute. and afterwards, bc they run in the same social circles, they keep running into each other so you think ‘oh these two are going to be a thing’ and that’s kind of what we all wanted. (but then the dominique plot kicks and liam gets distracted). 

there is an obvious attraction between them but liam doesn’t pursue her---if anything wilhelmina is the one doing the (gentle) pursuing. i think we can all agree that wilhelmina, for the most part, has good intentions. she’s not a ‘crown chaser’, okay she’s not gemma (miss her tho tbh)--but she is pro monarchy and she does see liam’s potential---she’s the one to give him the push that he can still change things from the inside, illegitimate son or not (bc remember she was staring the # campaign with the general knowledge that he was not Simon’s son). 

by the end of s2 it looks like they both have kind of reached an understanding---there’s mutual attraction but liam is not in the best headspace for a relationship but wilhelmina makes it clear she’s not gonna be ‘just another girl’ that he just sleeps with and forgets about (2x06) and he tells her he would never be the guy to stand her up (lies). they’re in a limbo of ‘not just friends’ on to maybe becoming something else, so wilhelmina thinks. 

s3 wilhelmina kind tip toes around, dropping hints to liam like ‘is it okay to accept your mothers’ job offer? i dont want it to get in the way of our friendship’--looking for a sign fm him but he gives her his blessing. which can be seen as a positive for wilhelmina bc it means ‘oh he does want me in his life’ but it was actually kind of a negative bc this is when he begins to really distance himself fm her and only coming to her when he needs comfort.  

madden showing an interest in her doesn’t negatively affect liam---he doesn’t try that hard to push them together but he’s certainly not against it. when he mentions madden to wilhelmina, wilhelmina is expecting The Sign that he wants to finally pursue her but it’s the opposite. and you can see that the entire conversation hurts wilhelmina tho she tries to hide it. 

when liam very hesitantly tells her he’s going to see someone, a girl he is seeing (kathryn)--it shows that he knew it would hurt wilhelmina, therefore he knew that she was waiting for him, he knew that she still had lingering feelings for him. 

when she finds out on her own that the woman he’s seeing is kathryn---she keeps it to herself and only mentioning it to him when he’s mad at her for (doing her job) having posted a picture of kathryn and robert. meaning that what her hurts the most, what offends her the most--is the realization that this man does not even see her as a friend---yes there’s the part where she had feelings for him but she swallows that up and moves forward anyway--that this person does not even view her as a friend, an equal. it’s only when he needs her that he remembers her. and upon that realization she calls him out on it and while she’s at it, she throws the s2 elephant of unspoken flirtation and mutual attraction in the room and what does he do? claim it doesn’t exist. that he never asked her to wait for him. and that kills whatever lingering feelings she had for him. 

for liam that 3x08 scene was a fight, for wilhelmina it was the end. in 3x09 he tries to get her back for reasons of pure self interest (he needs a distraction and emotional comfort) but she shuts it down. the thing about wilhelmina, up until this point, is that she is not vindictive. she still believes in liam and lets him know that. but then she makes it clear she wants nothing else to do with him. the friendship she thought she had with him, is over. its done. and this was completely liam’s own doing. nobody secretly instigated this. there was no manipulation. no one took anything fm anyone. 

which brings me to robert. 

the end of s3 puts robert and wilhelmina in similar places, in that they’ve both been hurt by liam in some way or form. bc of s2, we kind of thought liam and wilhelmina were The Pairing---but they never really got together, the last minute inclusion of kathyrn stops that fm happening. which makes me think that wilhelmina is\was always intended to be with robert. 

wilhelmina’s backstory hinges on the fact that her mother chose love over power. in the pilot (i think) liam laments about having to choose between them, questions--’is it possible to have both?’(or something to that extent). 

wilhelmina hasn’t decided anything--but she will be made to choose between love or power and who’s to say that she will not get both in robert? 

[mushbabe]

I'm always a slut for crossovers

I have a monumental urge to write a fic or a comic or SOMETHING on this one idea i’ve had for a while

I super super love the idea of a huge hub world or city where each character from a television cartoon can go to (and even live in. I imagine many characters from long ended shows would’ve made a permanent move here.) this universe excludes stuff like anime and cartoons that exist only as movies. mainly, i want something like this to exist because i believe that the possible interactions between all of the assorted well-written, dynamic characters from any number of shows would be super interesting and make for plenty of entertaining and engaging situations.(Think about the old Cartoon Network “CN City” bumpers that used to come on in-between commercials. Or if you haven’t seen them, do find them on youtube, they’re amazing and nostalgic.)

I’ve got a whole premise written out under the read more, feel free to read lmao

the city operates as any city would. you get a job or go to school, pay your rent or your mortgage. you’ll fly your commute if you can fly, but everyone else drives/walks/or takes public transport. (in short, theres nothing crazy or magical about the location. its the people that make it what it is)

in an iteration of this idea, one of the stories would follow Edd from Ed, Edd, n Eddy moving here to attend university. his parents were never around for him in the show of course, so they wouldn’t accompany his move up there. they would, however, be paying for everything.

they give him the number of his soon-to-be apartment neighbor who had agreed to meet him at the bus station and show him the way. unfortunately they dont show right away. Edd attempts to find the apartment building himself, but despite how keen he is, the city is just too crowded and confusing for someone as new as he is.

His guide eventually finds him someplace he really shouldn’t be, and probably rescues him from some shit. I really want this person to be Jane Lane (of Daria). She’s a deep character with a lot of personality. She’d be quick witted and wordly, and know her way around everything, sort of a foil to Edd’s straightforwardness.

She totally slept in and forgot she was even meeting Edd today, found him completely on accident. She takes him back to the apartment building. Its not bad but also not amazing. Right next to Edds new room is the flat Jane shares with three other tenants (its crowded.)

I really reaaaally want her to be living with a total assortment of interesting people, all the down-on-their-luck types. One I was seriously thinking about was Helga (of Hey Arnold.) She would’ve definitely struck out on her own early on, waitressing and working as a clerk, etc. Cut her hair off and stays out late. Probably questioning her sexuality, can’t keep a relationship at this point though. She’s one of the most complex cartoon characters imho, with a bully complex that doesn’t wholly define her and a kinder, soft interior personality. She’s artistic and expressive, but would’ve absolutely gone to school for political science (she’s hella ambitious in the show), but either dropped out, or graduated but did nothing yet with her degree.

Another roomie would have to be Dan from Dan vs. He would not be able to hold a job for the life of him, but probably finds roundabout ways to pay for things or get his share of the rent taken care of. Jane would’ve given up her room for him just do he would have a place for his messes besides the living room. She’s also likely the person who pushed the others into letting him live there. He’s a total asshole and him and Helga constantly butt heads, but they’re all trying to help him with his anger issues at the same time.

The last one that I think would be hilarious is Grim, an ominous supernatural presence among all of the mostly normal people. He’d be mostly inactive and apathetic, doesn’t need a job because of his retirement pension and the cheap rent. But he would be the ultimate mediator in arguments because of his hella powers and a funny presence to have around. He’d also be able to… like, combat anything freaky or powerful that tried to mess with them (because in a town full of cartoon characters, you really need some line of defense.)

And so that’s the bunch that Edd has to deal with while also navigating his college life. A group of people forced together by necessity that bond over time, have their own problems, get into trouble together, etc. They’ll meet others, of course, and crazy shit will happen that probably involves giant robots and monsters, but the fact that it revolves around these very (mostly) normal characters I think would make it very interesting and make living in this world all the trickier.

just my thoughts, sorry for the long post lmao