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shayyprasad · 4 months

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weighing scale

tw: eating disorder (purging, not eating), bodyshaming, ed shaming

btw, if it's requested, i can turn drabbles into full oneshots!!!!!!!!!!!!!

you guys are beautiful the way you are, and nothing anybody ever says or does will ever change that. remember that gaining weight is totally normal, and you can always lose weight, too, but please, do it in a healthy way. if you ever need anyone to talk to, and this isn't just for eds, i'm here, and you can reach out. if not, there are people who care about you and love you.

you're amazing you beautiful mfs

(also i'm sorry if this might not be correct for you, everyone has different experiences with eds)

(also, also, i did 1st person ... and this is just the way i thought when i was going thru this so i kinda made it relate w/ me??)

100.

98.

96.

she watched as the numbers went down, satisfied despite the fact that it was only one pound less yesterday.

90.

88.

even if it meant that she'd always be cold, or that her hair would fall out. it was a small price to pay to be beautiful. to be skinny. to be like all the other girls that peter liked.

y/n kept telling herself that. and it was enough to keep her going.

{four weeks prior}

(first person)

they had little packets for us to take home, like forms. something along the lines of "annual health check-up." the form was just... well, it wasn't a form, really, but more of an opt-out. the paper said they'd just check weight, height, and some other things, like make sure you didn't have scoliosis.

honestly?

i was just happy to be missing a good chunk of math.

everyone got called down to the gym by period, and mine was 5th period, right before lunch.

our class was waiting for them to call us down, so mr. callen just let us do whatever until then. i glanced over to see liz, kayla, and chloe in the corner of the classroom, giggling and pointing towards some of the boys, and eventually, mr. callen.

he was one of the youngest members on faculty, fresh out of college. and i'll admit, he's not bad looking. in fact, he's hotter than most of the guys. and if it wasn't peter that had my heart, maybe i'd think about someone else.

not that the whole peter thing was going great anyways, he seemed interested in liz. so maybe that was my hint to move on. but i don't know. i've just liked him forever, it'd feel wrong to stop now.

i'm just really loyal, i guess.

or maybe this is some weird first love/crush thing, because no matter what, i keep finding myself coming back to him.

it took me second to realize that i'd been staring at the same spot for a while now, so i probably looked funny. i re-adjusted my position and looked at the clock, noting there there was just a few minutes until we'd have to go down.

i looked by at the girls, then at the teacher. did they not realize that he had an engagement ring on? or where they just dense?

because honestly, i'm having a hard time figuring out which one it is.

liz pushed chloe over to the desk, giggling like a manic.

chloe bit her lip, trying to hold in laughter. "hiiii, cal. you know, like, cupid's day is coming?"

me, personally, i didn't really believe in the whole dumb blonde thing, but chloe was changing my aspect on this.

cupid's day was on valentine's day, and you could pay a dollar to have a rose delivered to someone. normally, the freshmen girls did most of the planning. freshmen girls were annoying. they were always together, and i didn't remember a time i'd seen one alone.

i didn't get any on my first year here. last year i got three. but it didn't really count, because mj got me one and betty did. i was hoping that i'd figure out who the third person was, but three weeks into that investigation, i kinda gave up. if they hadn't revealed themselves to me at that point, i'd figured that they probably wouldn't.

maybe junior year will go better.

if you were popular popular, you got at least seven, so it was kind of embarrasing to only get one. and it was probably even more embarrasing to only have, like, one friend. which was betty. but she hadn't hung around me that often since she started dating ned.

mj was an observer, and i knew that much. it was probably the only reason she got me a rose, because she felt bad. but then again, anyone could see how pathetic it was.

peter and i used to be pretty close, but then he met ned, so the attention he gave me got halved.

i would have tried to be friends with ned, because i know he's really nice, but i stressed out too much about it for some reason and gave up. social anxiety, perhaps? it didn't matter, it was too late to do anything about it now.

after that, peter started hanging around liz and some of the other popular kids, and entirely forgot about me.

did forget about ned, though. maybe beacuse i was a girl, and so peter got called "gay" a lot for that. i didn't have much of a chance compared to liz, so i just admired him from afar. it's not that we didn't talk, because we did sometimes, but... actually, i don't know what.

if peter wanted to, he would have.

and it's fairly obvious, but i'm delusional and chose to ignore that.

the intercom snapped me out of whatever zoning out i'd gone back to, "block d, block d. i-is this on? oh, it is? i- yes, block d down to the gym."

everyone got up and pushed their way out the door, i didn't have that type of energy, so i just waited for everyone to get their butts outta the way and then went myself. i followed them down to the hall, staying behind a little. when i finally got over there, i ended up last, right behind chloe, kayla, then liz.

for the most part, it only took a minute or two for each person, so the line didn't take that long.

well, i suppose that's subjective.

it took 15 minutes, but whatever.

when liz was inside, she didn't take care to close the door all the way, leaving it a couple inches open. that's on her.

that's on her for being irresponsible, so it's not really my fault if i accidently hear. i leaned in a little, suddenly very interested in the wall, with all it's cracks... and... paint, and...

"and step on the scale, please... that is," she paused, and you could hear scribbling of a pen.

"121.3 pounds. perfectly healthy. that's actually the average weight for girls your age," another pause, "make sure to give this form to your parents. have a nice day."

liz said something in return and i stepped back, done admiring the wall. "next!" the lady called in.

i stepped inside the room, and it smelt strongly of hand-sanitizer. "okay, honey, step up against the wall... height is... alrightly. now the scale, please."

i did as she asked, keeping my eyes trained on the numbers.

149.7 pounds. basically 150. that was more than liz's, right?

"149, okay, you're good to go-"

"is that around average weight?" i asked, and it was impulsive, i didn't even think.

"well, it's somewhere around that. you're perfectly healthy."

the intercom came on again, signaling my time was over, and the lady thought the same thing, because she ushered me out.

as i walked back to the classroom, i couldn't help but think;

149? no, 150? around average? so basically, i was above average. 30 pounds heavier than liz? no wonder peter likes liz better.

god, that's disgusting. i'm disgusting.

i trudged back to class, unable to stop thinking about it. and suddenly, an idea popped into my mind; why not lose weight? if i lost a little, maybe peter would care about me again.

that's genius. god, i'm a genius.

yeah. i lose a little weight.

when i got back, he'd already started the lesson, not that i cared. i spent the rest of that class figuring out the kinks, like how many calories i'm allowed to eat per day.

i settled on 800.

it seemed like a decent number if i wanted to actually make an impact with weight loss.

stupid kale smoothies weren't gonna get me anywhere, nor idiotic influencer workout routines.

before i knew it, the bell rung and kids were hustling through the hallways. i was kind of on autopilot as i walked to lunch, not really watching where i was going. i'd by mistake shouldered some people, and they gave me dirty looks. i shot them right back.

i couldn't help but silently, in my mind, judge everyone's body that i saw. and not just their body, but other physical features, too. it was automatic, i didn't even mean to. but i couldn't help it.

she's really fat. the gym exists for a reason.

how is she so skinny? i know she's anorexic.

and it just went on and on.

i didn't know what was going on. why this mattered to me all of a sudden.

it was like i didn't notice these things before, i wasn't looking for them, but now that i knew they were there, i couldn't help it.

i couldn't help a lot of things.

when i walked into the lunchroom, i saw peter sitting by himself, writing on some piece of paper, and if i knew him, he wasn't doing the homework due tomorrow.

he was doing yesterday's.

it didn't seem like i'd be bothering him if i went to go talk to him, so that's what i did. i figured since we hadn't talked in while, it would be great to now.

and it'd be a great distraction, too.

i sat down across from him, "hi, peter."

he looked up slowly, a smile rising on his face. "uh, hey, y/n/n," peter paused, "what, um, what did you need?"

"huh? oh, i didn't need anything. just thought i'd come by and annoy the hell out of you."

"just like old times," peter snorted.

"math homework?"

"yep. i have math-"

"-next period," i realized my mistake after i made it. "um, 'cause i see you when i'm walking to class."

in repsonse, he nodded like he was considering it.

i didn't notice i was hungry until my stomach growled, but something inside of me made the thought of getting food and eating it repulsive. i hesitated before grabbing on of peter's fries and popping it in my mouth. he didn't say anything, or really even care, and i didn't know if i liked that or not.

"okay. you have chem next, yeah?"

i blushed at the fact he knew.

"uh, yep," i snagged some more fries, feeling myself loosen up.

and then i realized, that's what this was; i was just in need of some time with actual people who weren't my parents.

i liked this. i liked talking to peter. it was easy. this was easy.

we laughed about some other things, like flash's new donkey haircut.

and i stole more fries. ned, betty, and mj (who normally sat two seats away) came over. the topic of cupid's day came up.

"how many do you think you'll get?" betty asked.

i looked up, "roses?"

"uh-huh."

ned spoke up, "you won't need to worry, bet, i'll get you a whole bouquet." he looked proud of himself.

"i'm not worried," she giggled, like the lovesick fool she was. it was gross. and yes i admit, it was slightly because i was jealous, but whatever. betty didn't have to act so idiotic and desperate.

betty's skinny, too.

"what about you, y/n?" peter said, locking eyes with me.

"i dunno. i never really get any."

something changed in peter's expression, but as soon as it was there, it was gone.

i took another fry. they were really good, for some reason.

"fattie," peter laughed, pulling his lunch tray back, "and then you complain about not getting roses!"

that caused a round of laughs in the small group, but my heart dropped to my feet.

i was right. i was overweight. even peter noticed.

freaking peter noticed.

god, i was ugly and fat, and even peter saw that.

of course he liked liz. he'd be crazy not to. she was curvy and skinny and petite and pretty and skinny.

she was skinny.

i didn't have her hourglass figure.

never did i ever want out of my own skin more.

"y/n?" pete frowned. "i-i'm sorry, it was a joke, i didn't-"

"no, no, not that. i, uh, i... forgot i was supposed to meet with a teacher. sorry. i have to go."

i didn't go to any teachers.

i did go to the bathroom.

and i hid in the handicapped stall. i didn't cry, or sob, or weep or whatever it was stupid girls did in hallmark movies or stuff.

i stood in front of the mirror and picked out everything i hated, making a mental list in my head.

i didn't finish that list, not even after 30 minutes when the bell rung.

the rest of the day flew by rather quickly, it seemed. i felt like i was trapped in a warm haze, but not the fuzzy, happy warmth. i didn't like the way i was thinking. it's like i wanted my brain to turn off, these intruding, ugly thoughts were taking up too much room.

i felt icky.

when i got home, i didn't have my normal after-school snack like i usually did. i went straight upstairs and did homework.

i finished two essays (one that wasn't due until two weeks, and one that was due two days from now), my math homework and studied for my math test, started my science project, and did my french flashcards (and studied them a bit).

i must have been locked in my room for hours, because by the time i got up, it was dark outside.

i wasn't a studious person, and the only reason i did any of this was to forget for a little while. to snap out of it. and for a while, it worked.

"y/n, honey!" my mom screamed from downstairs, and as i glanced at the clock, i realized it was time to have dinner.

but i wasn't hungry.

well, i was.

let me rephrase that; i didn't want to eat.

however, i didn't want my mother yelling at me, so i went down anyways. not that i was planning to eat.

"mom?"

"oh, hey. i already set the table, you seemed like you were working hard and i didn't wanna bother you. dad's working late. go sit down-"

"not hungry."

she frowned. "well, you have to eat something."

"but i'm not hungry," i said, hating how sharply it came out.

my mom gave me warning look. "look, i've had a long day, so don't start with me."

"mommmm," i whined.

"sit."

so i did. i felt bad about bothering her.

i ate. small, tentative bites, forcing it all down. we didn't talk.

silently, i put my dish in the sink, before heading upstairs. the food sat at the bottom of my stomach, like a pile of heavy rocks. i wanted them out.

so i turned on the shower and locked the bathroom door, kneeling in front of the toilet. i pressed my fingers to the back of my throat and kept them there for a second. at first, all i got was bile.

but then i threw up.

peter and i started talking more again. i think he got in a fight with liz.

i asked him if they were dating, and he said no.

i think he started hanging out with me again because i got skinny. i know for a fact that i'm skinnier than liz. i weigh less then her now.

the numbers told me that.

but i didn't listen.

i didn't stop, and how could i? when i'd gotten this far?

we got in a fight. not the yelling kind, though. well, kind of. i yelled a bit.

i thought he was complimenting me. he said i looked skinny, so i thanked him.

"no... i-" he paused, trying to get his thoughts together, "you look skinny, yes, but not in a good way."

"what? what do you mean? like, there's only a good way," i laughed, slightly nervous.

peter ingnored that. "have you been eating enough, angel?" his voice was soft, but there was worry in it. why was he worried? this is the best i've ever been.

"do you ask liz that, too?"

"i- what?"

"liz is skinny. you don't ask her that."

"that- that is different. y-you haven't been eating, have you? is-"

"god, parker! stop! it's none of your business!" maybe if i hadn't been so flustered, i'd have come up with a better comeback.

i was hunched over the toilet, but nothing was coming out. everything hurt.

my head. my stomach.

my throat was scratchy and raw.

i didn't hear the knocking on the door.

i don't really remember peter coming in. i thought i locked it. what was he doing at my house? i couldn't remember.

i wanted to sleep.

i think i was crying. i don't know. i only vaguely remember the hot tears.

i slightly remember him pulling me away from the toilet and into his arms. there were lots of holes in my memory for that day.

he stayed with me, though. one thing i'm sure about is that peter never left my side. i can recall bright lights. tubes. i was laying on something. white walls. white sheets.

what was engraved into my head was peter whispering "i love you" over and over again. in the bathroom. in the car. was it a car? as they hooked me up to cables.

all that mattered, though, was that i was skinny now. just the thought made me feel light and airy.

to think that all it took was a little motivation and a weighing scale.

#reader discretion advised #tw ed #tom holland x reader #spiderman #tom holland #peter parker #peter parker x you

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ibelongto-tylergalpin · 2 years

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Could you do a Steve Harrington HC where the two of you take all the kids to the pool? They could tease you about being mom and dad 🥺

SLAY IM BACK!!! idk for how long tho cause my motivation to write is disappearing and appearing every few days so LETS HOPE ITS BACK FOR A GOOD AMOUNT OF TIME (also this has been in my drafts forever im so sorry it took so long) also this was not proofread just like any of my other shit and its 3:30 am so sorry if the end kinda sucks I TRIED.

~It was almost the end of summer, and you could tell that the kids were miserable

~Mainly because El and Will had just moved to California and they had no idea when they would see each other again, but also because school was starting soon and they didn’t wanna go back yet

~You were sure that they were at home with the windows open and multiple fans on because it was a little over 90 degrees out, so Steve called Dustin and invited him and the rest over to his house to chill in the pool since his parents were gone for the week

~Before you knew it everyone was at the front door with their towels and swim suits (Everyone meaning Dustin, Mike, Lucas, Max, and Robin)

~As everyone was waiting for the bathroom so they could change, Dustin was bothering Steve because he had no good snacks

~After a few minutes of Dustin’s nagging, Steve eventually gave in and told everyone that Robin was in charge while the two of you went to the grocery store

~The two of you were walking down the aisles, Steve pushing the cart while you grabbed chips and drinks. You also got things to make sandwiches for everyone when they get hungry and ice cream.

~You guys went to the register, paid, and left, but not before the cashier told you guys how cute the two of you looked together

~Steve trying to hide his beet red face>>>>>>>

~You guys got back to his place and saw that everyone was already in the pool

~“I thought I told you guys to wait for us?!”

~“You guys took too long” Lucas said as he shrugged

~“Where’s Robin? She’s supposed to be watching you guys”

~All of a sudden, Robin popped out of the water, causing Steve to scream

~“God, Robin! What the hell is wrong with you?!”

~“Nice shriek, Harrington. Very manly.” Robin said as she swam backwards towards the deep end where Max was relaxing

~You went inside and started putting the chips in bowls and you put the drinks in a cooler while Steve was getting changed. You were going through your backpack trying to find your swimsuit (shout out to everyone who can’t find shit in their bags because its like a bottomless pit)

~You finally found it and as you did you felt a pair of arms wrap around your waist

~“Hey beautiful”

~“Hey handsome” You said as you turned around and wrapped your arms around Steve’s neck.

~“How did I get so lucky? You’re so amazing”

~“I know I am” You said as you rested your head on his chest. He pulled you closer and gripped you tighter as he rested his chin on your head.

~“And I’m...?”

~“Fishing for compliments” you said, teasing him

~“C’monnn” he whined

~“Fine. You’re amazing too. And very gorgeous. And you’re the perfect boyfriend. Happy?”

~“Very” You could hear his smile

~“Y’know, it’s really sweet of you to do this for the kids. It’s cute that you care about them”

~“Those little shits are nothing but trouble. I only did this cause I knew you felt bad for them.”

~“Yeah, sure. It’s okay to admit it Steve. You care about them. After everything we’ve been through with them, they’re like family. I know you love them.”

~He stayed silent for a second, not wanting to admit it

~“I hate it when you’re right”

~“Well then you must hate me all the time”

~Steve broke away from the hug and lifted your chin so he could kiss you. The two of you stood like that for a few seconds before you heard a soda can pop open next to you. You looked to the side and you saw Dustin standing there watching you guys

~“Dude. How long have you been standing there?”

~“A loooong time. You guys are cute. It’s disgusting”

~“Get out of here before I kick your ass, Henderson”

~“Steve! Don’t be rude” you scolded your boyfriend

~“He completely ruined our moment!”

~“Doesn’t mean you can threaten him with bodily harm!”

~“Uh oh! Mom and Dad are fightinggg!” Dustin yelled as he walked back to his friends in the pool

~“I’m sorry, what? Mom and Dad?” You said as you walked over to them

~“Yeah. Y’know since the two of you are always looking out for us. You’re the mom, Steve’s the dad.” Mike explained

~“Yeah and Robin’s like the cool aunt” Max added

~“Wow, high praise” Robin said as she floated towards Max and fist bumped her

~“That’s insane. We’re not your parents”

~“Obviously, but whenever we’re out you’re parents of the group. Y’know?” Dustin said, trying to explain

~You just stood there not knowing what to say so you went inside to change

~When you finally got in the pool you were relaxing in the shallow end with Robin and Max while Steve was messing around with the boys.

~After a little while Steve and Lucas called you and Max over and suggested that the 4 of you play chicken fight (that one game where someone is on another persons shoulders and you have to knock down the other team)

~You get out of the pool and force Robin to help you make the sandwiches for everyone

~When everyone’s eating all the kids are like “Thanks mom”

~“I’m gonna push you all in the pool if you keep that shit up.”

~After you’re all done eating you sit there and talk for a bit before getting back in

~Since you were still a little full, you decided to just chill on a pool-floatie and listen to music on your walkman

~You couldn’t relax though, seeing as the boys were starting to get rough again

~“Lucas! Stop throwing water in Dustin’s eyes!”

~“Mike! Be careful! The floor is wet and I don’t want you slipping!”

~“Max! Stop trying to drown your boyfriend!”

~“Dustin stop laughing at Max trying to drown Lucas!

~“Y/nnnnn! Lucas shot me in the eyes with a water gun!”

~“Lucas! What did I say about getting water in Dustin’s eyes?!

~“Steve! Y/n! Help!”

~You and Steve immediately jumped into the pool and swam over to Dustin who was yelling and when you got over he said he got a cramp and that he was okay now

~“I swear to god, Henderson”

~You were lounging on one of the chairs by the side of the pool, finally getting the peace and quite that you wanted, since the kids had started playing Marco Polo

~You just sat there relaxing when Steve went up to you and tried to snuggle up to you

~“Steve! You’re all wet!”

~Instead of getting up he re-positions the two of you so that your legs are to his sides and he’s laying in between them against your chest

~“Ugh I swear to god, Harrington, you’re lucky you’re cute”

~He didn’t say anything in response, instead he just dug his head deeper into your chest and started rubbing circles on your thighs

~The two of you just laid there in a comfortable silence... that was until-

~“OW! SON OF A BITCH!”

~You and Steve immediately jolted up to see what had happened and who had gotten hurt

~You saw Mike on the floor clutching his ankle as Lucas and Dustin scrambled out of the water to run to him

~“What the hell happened?!”

~“I was running to get the water gun so I could shoot Lucas and I slipped and fell. Fuck, it really hurts. I think I broke it”

~“No, you didn’t break it” You said as you examined his ankle. “You probably just sprained it. What’d I tell you about running around the pool, Mike? It’s slippery as fuck! You’re lucky it’s just a sprain”

~You told Steve to run to get the first aid kit in the house, hoping there’d be something to wrap his ankle in. You used to work at the public pool over the summer sometimes so you knew exactly what to do in this situation

~Steve came running back with the first aid kit and you quickly but carefully wrapped Mike’s ankle

~You all decided it’d be best to go inside since the sun was starting to set and they would have to be home soon.

~Once everyone had gone home, you and Steve were laying down in his bed

~“You’re so great with those little shits, y’know? You’re gonna be a great mom to our future kids someday”

~“Our future kids?”

~“I mean, yeah... unless you don’t see us together in the future? Shit, never mind, I shouldn’t have said anything. Just forget it hap-”

~“How many?”

~“Huh?”

~“Our kids. How many?”

~“Oh, I don’t know. I always dreamed of having a big family. Having 5 or 6 little nuggets kinda running around”

~“6?! God damn, Harrington, my poor vagina”

~He let out a laugh and pulled you closer into his chest

~“I mean it doesn’t have to be 6. I could settle for 3″

~“3′s a good number”

~“3 it is. 2 girls and a boy”

~“We’d be awesome parents someday.”

~“Yeah, someday”

#steve #steve harrington #steve x reader #steve harrington stranger things #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington headcanon #steve harrington can step on me #stranger things #stranger things 4 #stranger things 3 #ST #st3 #steve harrington has a breeding kink

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summonerluna · 17 days

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20 Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged by: @aleheartilly

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 32

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 212,833

3. What fandoms do you write for? FFVIII, and recently Wild!Verse Legend of Zelda

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Second Time Around (42) (LoZ)

The President (36) (ff8)

Ain't No Sunshine (26) (ff8)

no quarter (22) (ff8)

Or From That Sea of Time (21) (ff8)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? I am starting to. Because ffnet had a PM system instead of just a reply, my anxiety usually got the best of me and made me nervous to reply even if I wanted to just say "thanks! and I just used ao3 as a mirror site. Now that I am exclusively using ao3 and have a better grip on some of those anxieties, I want to interact more with people again and want to make sure people know how much I appreciate the comments.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Lazarus

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Since I mostly write one-shots and I don't know that any of them really have happy endings? The Successor still managed to have a fairly happy ending though despite the overall story being filled with death and angst.

8. Do you get hate on fics? Not in the form of comments, but I know there are people who do not like me

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Sometimes, but rarely anything x-rated.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? No, although I love imagining characters from different worlds crossing paths.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I am aware of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Yes, thanks to the amazing @aleheartilly!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Yes, with @irishais

14. What's your all-time favourite ship? Squall/Rinoa, always and forever, and I think like 90% of my recent Zelink brainrot is because of all the Squinoa parallels they have in botw/totk!verse

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will? I don't know. I don't want to say Dissolve because I don't want to admit I won't finish it, but my headspace is SO DIFFERENT from where it was when I started writing that, I think the only way I could finish at this point is to restart it and I'm not sure I want to do that.

16. What are your writing strengths? Writing place. Some stories are character-driven, some are plot-driven, and I think I write location-driven more often than I don't.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Starting something new because of that ADHD need to chase dopamine when I still have a billion WIPs. And being too vague because I'm afraid of being overly descriptive so I swing too far in the opposite direction.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? I have in original stuff, but not in fic.

19. First fandom you wrote for? I wrote Hanson RPF when I was a wee young tween, living in the days of dial-up and printing off fics on my parents' dot matrix printer because I couldn't stay online long enough to read them, and staying up writing until I heard my dad get up to get ready for work. Then in hs I wrote a few LotR things before Final Fantasy took over my life once I got to college.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written? Fifteen Minutes Old

Tagging: @msstarlight @suleikashideaway @irishais @angelosearch though if you see this please do it because it's fun!

#writing #fanfic #luna writes

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eating-plastic · 10 months

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Heart-Shaped Roller Rink: Roller Ricky x Reader

Warnings: A lot of tooth rotting fluff, slow burn, age gap (reader is implied to be in their early 20s, Roller Ricky is in his late 30s), some swearing, first kiss, a bit of city life slander (sorry for my city lovers), mentions of alcoholism, mentions of going to the hospital, Roller Ricky just pouring all of his trauma out to you (poor bby), Max being a good boy, probably cringy dialogue, probably an incorrect assumption on how transferring colleges and buying houses worked in the 80s, probably some grammatical errors

Word Count: 7910 Words

A/N: Yay, my first x reader fic! How fun! This may seem rough around the edges, but I’m still very happy with what I came up with. I’d like to thank all the 80s love songs I listened to that helped me with writing this lol. Anyhoo, I , like most Killer Frequency fans, absolutely fell in love with Roller Ricky, so I knew I had to write an x reader fic with him. See you!

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Ever since you were small, you’ve had a fascination with the simplicity of small town living, despite living in a large city your whole life. Anytime you and your family would go on a road trip, you’d always stop to get gas, eat, and just walk around the small towns you’d come across. You liked the architecture, the less stuffy air and streets, the people that radiated the friendliness of a greeting card. It was like walking into a whole new world that you always felt yourself longing for even into your adulthood. Still, you never really thought you’d ever truly live in one. The little job opportunities and often lack of colleges is what kept that simple life you wanted just out of reach.

That was until your roommate came back from her winter vacation with some news she had known you would love. While driving to a cabin her family had rented out, she drove through a small town that she knew checked all of your boxes of what you were looking for. You wanted to believe her, but you didn't want to get your hopes up in case it would just be another town you’d only live in when you dreamed. That was until your roommate showed you some polaroid pictures she had taken when she stopped for gas. Gallows Creek, she said it was called, and the best part: it had a college.

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To make a long story short, a bunch of back and forth phone calls and a bunch of paperwork being mailed later, your mission of transferring was 90% completed. Only one problem still remained: Where you were going to live. Well actually there was also the problem of getting a job, but you’d tackle that once you’ve found a place to live.

You have only ever gotten a couple of surprises in your life, but none of them and any of the surprises following will trump the one you got when you found out you would be able to own an actual house in Gallows Creek. Specifically, there were three houses on the market, all one story and all in pretty good condition. Your spring break was spent with Gallows Creek Realty looking at the houses yourself, because you honestly couldn’t believe that you really could own a house with your college student budget. You couldn’t even afford a tiny, dingy apartment in your home city with the money you had. Small towns apparently had the added bonus of having affordable, nice houses. Either way, a good deal was a good deal, and by the end of your spring break you had made your decision.

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The end of the semester felt like it took both forever and a mere second to arrive. You packed up as much of your stuff as you could in your car, putting whatever couldn’t fit in your parents’. You had picked a cute little house on Romero street. Not only did you like the house, but you liked the location too, finding yourself surrounded by possible job opportunities. Sure it was gonna be a bit of a drive to get to your classes, but considering that you didn’t have to worry about backed up traffic, you could handle it. As soon as everything was unloaded and you said your goodbyes to your parents, you slumped down in one of the chairs in the living room. Today you would just worry about unpacking, organizing, and most importantly relaxing.

Once you caught your breath and looked around the room at where your stuff could possibly go, you started unpacking. You got halfway through organizing your silverware in your new kitchen, when there was a knock at the front door. Upon opening it, you were face to face with a friendly looking, elderly couple.

“Hello there, dear,” the old woman started. “We had noticed you had just moved in and wanted to give you a warm welcome.”

You looked down and saw her offering you a small plate of fresh baked cookies.

“Oh, thank you!” you carefully take the plate from her old, weathered hands.

“We’re the Castevets,” the old man said, offering you his hand to shake. “Your neighbors on your right.”

You take his hand and introduce yourself before shaking his wife’s hand as well.

“So, what brings you to Gallows Creek anyways?” Mr. Castevet asked.

“Yes, it’s not a place many move to. Especially those as young as yourself,” Mrs. Castevet adds.

You had no problem providing them an explanation. You were used to explaining your love for small towns and how Gallows Creek had everything you wanted.

“Besides,” you conclude. “If everyone is as nice as you two, how couldn’t I move in?”

The Castevets laugh, before the husband of the duo reaches into his back pocket to find a small packet.

“You’ll find a couple of hardasses, but they’re few and far between. Here, for you,” he hands you the packet, which appears to be a brochure of Gallows Creek. Inside of it was a map with a description of each significant place your new home held.

“Thanks! I’ll definitely be needing this, tomorrow,” you smile at the couple.

“Well, I think we should leave you to continue unpacking. Just wanted to show you a bit of Gallows Creek hospitality,” Mrs. Castevet decided, her husband agreeing with her.

You said your goodbyes, leaving you alone once more to unpack, but this time with a plate of cookies and good spirits to keep you going.

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You had decided your second day in Gallows Creek would be spent getting acquainted with the town a bit. Mostly trying to find a job and get some groceries, but a bit of exploration wouldn’t hurt. You left with high spirits that only soared higher when the Castevets greeted you from their front yard garden.

Your search was…decent. It wasn’t terrible, I mean sure, only three out of the six places you had visited were hiring, and one of them was the Gallows Reporter which had one of the few hardasses that Mr. Castevet had mentioned, so that one was probably out, but still. You weren’t going to be discouraged, though. You look at the map you were gifted while you walked.

‘There’s still the supermarket,’ you thought. ‘I need groceries anyway. Let’s see…there’s also the library…KFAM-.’

“Woah woah woah, careful!”

A voice pulls you from your thoughts and your map as you quickly move out of the way. An older woman in bright aerobics clothes stops in front of you and continues to jog in place. Despite almost crashing into her, she still seemed cheerful.

“Careful there, dear. I coulda hitcha,” she said while still holding a smile on her face. “I don’t think I recognize you, stranger.”

“Yeah, sorry. I’m new to Gallows Creek,” you hold your hand out and introduce yourself. “Sorry, I should have been watching where I was going.”

“Oh, don’t you worry about that. I’ve tripped over more people than I can count. Anyhoo, I’m Sandra. It’s always nice to meet new faces,” after shaking your hand, Sandra looks down to the map in your hand, all while still jogging in place. “Oh, what are you looking for?”

“I’m just exploring the town a bit. Trying to find a job and all that-.”

“Oh, you’re looking for a job? Good! I’ve got a position just for you at my jazz studio! Come on!”

Sandra takes your hand before you can speak, and drags you down a block or two before you come face to face with a large, brightly colored building.

“There! Now let's see…I’m sure I can whip up all the paperwork you need! Then, we’ll-!”

“Sandra!” of course you are happy that she was so quick to offer you a job, but first you needed to get some things out of the way. “This is really nice of you, but what will I even do?”

“Oh, your job is simple. Let’s see…you’ll help keep the studio tidy, pick out songs to play for a session, decide routines, keep equipment organized and clean oh and you can even participate in classes absolutely free,” she counts off your potential tasks on one of her hands. “You’ll do fine. Besides, my hours are very flexible. You just give me a call, okay?”

You honestly couldn’t believe what you were hearing. It was just like you getting your house. There had to be a catch, right?

“Nope! No catch at all!,” Sandra exclaims. “Now, why don’t you tell me a bit about yourself.”

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It shocks you how an older woman like Sandra could have so much energy that makes even you feel exhausted. Still, she was a very friendly and even encouraging woman, which you found out when you had mentioned college. When you checked your watch and saw that it was three o’clock, you had to wrap the conversation up. On top of being high energy, Sandra could really talk about anything and everything. You told her that you would keep in touch with her, a.k.a take her offer. I mean, you weren’t going to pass up another good deal.

You would also rather have Sandra as a boss over that “hardass” at the Reporter.

Now, you are walking back home with two large bags of groceries in your arms. Sure, you would’ve been able to buy more if you had backtracked to your house for your car, but with it literally being walking distance, it seemed like overkill. Besides, you were saving money by only buying necessities and not getting gas.

As you walk up to your front door and set your groceries down to find your keys, you look up to the house on your left. You haven’t met that neighbor yet. After you put your groceries away, you’ll head over to see if anyone’s home.

You didn’t know what to expect with your other neighbor. You thought about who they could be as you put groceries away. You imagined that they’d be as friendly as the Castevets or Sandra. Then again, they could also be a total asshole. No, if Mr. Castevet was right, then the chances that they are a dick would be slim to none.

Well, only one way to find out.

With the last of your groceries put away, you head out your front door and walk towards the house. You don’t even realize that you are fiddling with your hands in a nervous manner.

‘What do I have to be worried about?’ you take a deep breath. ‘If they’re an asshole, then just don’t talk to them.’

The way you saw it, one good neighbor that always had your back would always outweigh the rude and antagonistic. You also knew that when you were nervous about something, it always arrived faster. Case and point, you were now on your other neighbor’s doorstep.

Whelp, here goes nothing. You raise your fist and knock three times.

The sound of a loud dog barking makes you jump, even though it doesn’t sound malicious. You hear a man’s voice on the other side of the door, but it’s too muffled to make out exactly what he is saying. Probably trying to calm the dog down if you had to guess. When the door opened, you were a bit taken aback.

Not in a bad way. Nope, definitely not in a bad way. In fact, you would have to say that the man you were now looking at was probably one of the most handsomest men you have ever seen. Short dark hair, a nice build from what you could tell from your peripheral, a nice face, and the one feature that had captured you the most: his dark eyes. They looked friendly enough, and yet they looked like they were concealing…something. You didn’t know what, but you did know that you loved staring into them…and that you had been staring for way too long.

“Um, hi, sorry. I just wanted to introduce my-woah!” your awkward rambling gets cut off when you feel a cold, wet nose nudging and sniffing your hand. You look down to see a large, but friendly staring dog looking back at you.

“Sorry about that. Looks like Max wants to say ‘hi’ back,” the man laughs nervously. You note that you like his voice. You reach your hand out to the canine, who closes the distance between it and his head. You scratch his ears, causing his tail to wag.

“That’s okay. Um, let me start over,” you introduce yourself properly this time, just saying that you’re his new neighbor who just wanted to say “hi”.

“Oh, right! Yeah, I wanted to walk over and introduce myself, but I had to take someone for his evening walk. I, uh, thought it was too late. I tried again this morning, but the Castevets told me you had left. Just my luck, huh?” he offers his hand out to you, which you shake. His hand was nice.

‘Jeez, was there anything about him that wasn’t nice?’ you wonder.

“I’m Ricky, but most folks around here call me Roller Ricky. Got it because of how often I’m at the roller rink,” he explains.

“Makes sense,” you say, smiling. “Does Max here have any fun names too?”

Ricky laughs, and you have to refrain yourself from thinking about how nice it sounds.

“No, not that I know off. I just call him ‘Maxy’. He should get a fun name, though. He’s even better at skating than me.”

“He can skate?” you ask, and instantly get the image of the big dog trying to move around with skates on his paws.

“Yep! I taught him everything he knows,” he beams before his face drops. He curses and spins around to shut his door that had still been open this whole time. He turns back to you and once again laughs nervously. “Sorry. Bugs.”

“Oh shit! Right, yeah. I, um, I should probably wrap this up,” you don’t want to leave, but the urge to be polite overrides it. You do have a small epiphany, though. “Hey, the roller rink? It’s nearby, right? Maybe I’ll swing by tomorrow. You know, to see Maxy skate.”

“Yeah, sure! That’ll be great. He loves to show off, don’t you boy?” the canine moves away from you and back to his owner to get some attention from him. You laugh.

“It’s settled, then. See you tomorrow, Roller Ricky. See you, Max,” you turn to head back home, causing the canine to whine in confusion at his new ear scratcher walking away.

“Yep! Be seeing you too!” and with that, Ricky reopens his door to usher Max back inside.

You didn’t even realize you were back in your house until the sound of the front door closing behind you roused you from your thoughts.

That truly couldn’t have gone any better.

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“Oh, good choice! That one’s always been a favorite of mine,” Sandra exclaimed at the album you pick out for one of her sessions, tomorrow. “Now let’s see….Oh, I haven’t done this routine in a while!”

Working with Sandra was as simple as she had described. It honestly just felt like you were working with a friend, even though you have only known her for less than 24 hours.

You showed up at the jazz studio that morning to accept her offer. You had to wait a bit as Sandra had a class going at the moment. Once it was done and everyone funneled out of the large gym room, you entered. Sandra was ecstatic to see you, and even more so when you accepted her offer. Now, you two were in her colorful office full of extra exercise equipment and albums on both cassette tapes and vinyl records. What was supposed to be you both coming up with the agenda for tomorrow's classes, was mostly just you and her talking. As such, you were constantly looking down at your watch to make sure you wouldn’t be too late with meeting Ricky and Max at the roller rink.

You’d be damned if you never saw Max on roller skates.

“I wouldn’t be too worried, you know,” Sandra smirks at your fidgeting. “He’s called ‘Roller Ricky’ for a reason. He and his dog are always at that roller rink even into the late evening. Besides, he’ll definitely wait up for a pretty little thing like yourself.”

“Sandra!” you blush at her words, but with how you talked about your interaction with Ricky yesterday, even a blind man would be able to see the crush you had on him.

“You know…if it really bothers you so much, you can just go make sure everything in the gym is organized and clock out. I’ll take care of the rest-ah, and I won’t take ‘no’ for an answer,” Sandra cuts you off before you can object.

It feels wrong leaving after barely doing anything on your first day, but Sandra really wasn’t going to let you stay. With that, you walk to the gym, put a few things away in their proper places, and walk out the door.

One thing you had quickly grown to love about Gallows Creek was how close everything was. Even now, as you almost walk past the actual roller rink due to how lost in your thoughts you were, you still enjoyed it.

Walking through the front doors causes you to find yourself face to face with bright neon colors, upbeat music, and the collective chatter of all the people. You notice that there were a lot of families on the floor of the rink, telling you that this is a popular place for kids to spend their summer break. The thought makes you smile but also nostalgic.

“Oh, hey! There you are!”

A voice rouses you from your thoughts, and you look up to see Roller Ricky with a wide smile on his face and leaning on the fence that separated the entryway from the actual rink.

“You didn’t think I was going to stand you up, did you?” while it comes out as a joke, you really hope he didn’t actually think you were going to flake on him.

“What, you? Nah! You don’t seem like that kind of person.”

“You haven’t even known me for an hour, and you already know everything about me? Do you have a good judgment of character or something?” you quip.

“Eh…that’s debatable, but for the sake of the argument I’ll say yes.”

You laugh, until a furry creature on the rink floor catches your attention.

“No way,” you let out a laugh in disbelief. Turns out Ricky wasn’t lying at all when he said that Max could skate well. He was gliding in between adults and children alike as if he didn’t even have skates on, occasionally getting a scratch behind the ears here and there.

Ricky grins at your reaction.

“Did you think I was lying?”

“I don’t even know anymore,” you say, shaking your head. What you were seeing was both impressive and sad. Impressive because it was a dog roller skating as if it was second nature. Sad because a dog knew how to skate…and you couldn’t.

“Well, what are you waiting for?” Ricky reaches over to unlatch a gate next to him and opens it, gesturing for you to enter the rink floor. “Let's get you some skates and have some fun!”

“Wait, what? Ricky I don’t think that’s a good idea,” you stutter out due to the suddenness of you being pulled from your focus on Max.

“What’s wrong? Do you not know how to skate?” he cocks his head to the side.

“Um…yeah,” might as well be honest with him.

“Is that all? That’s nothing to be worried about! Come on, I’ll teach you!” he once again gestures for you to enter.

You glance back at the rink floor. There were a good amount of people. It wasn’t packed by any means, but still enough for you to potentially bump into or knock someone down. Not to mention all the people that would see you fall on your butt over and over.

And yet the reassuring look on Ricky’s face caused you to hesitantly enter. He latches the gate behind you before you follow him over to some benches.

“Alrighty, the first part of skating is easy: Tell me your shoe size,” the statement makes you laugh and almost melts your nerves. Almost. You tell him your size and remove your shoes to trade for your skates. He disappears into a small room next to the benches, however he quickly sticks his head back out to look at you. “Hey, second question: what’s your favorite color?”

You tell him and he disappears once more. A couple of seconds later, Roller Ricky reappears holding skates in both your size and favorite color.

“Voila! See, you’ve already got the first part of skating down.”

You laugh again. Perhaps this wouldn’t be too bad after all. You take the skates and put them on, being sure to fasten them tightly.

“Okay, you ready to go?” he beams.

“As ready as I’ll ever be…I guess,” you try to mirror his enthusiasm, but clearly it must not have looked convincing.

“You’ll be fine. This next part isn’t too difficult. You just need to work on your balance. Here, take my hands and just hang on, okay?” he holds his hands out, which you take.

Once again, maybe learning to skate wasn’t going to be that bad.

That thought only lasted a mere second as you stood up. Your legs instantly felt wobbly and your grip on Ricky’s hands only grew tighter.

“You’re okay. Just keep hanging on,” he gives you an encouraging smile before looking over his shoulder to make sure he wouldn’t bump into anyone as he started to skate backwards.

Your legs still felt like Jell-O even with Ricky confidently gliding backwards. You could only imagine what you looked like to the other skaters. The scene of Bambi walking on ice came to your mind. Yep, you probably looked just like that. Even with your self depreciation on your lack of skating skills, Ricky still looked at you as if your legs weren’t as unstable as a newborn giraffe’s. Occasionally he would even tell you that you were doing fine.

After a bit of gliding, and a reassuring boost from Max coming to say “hi” to you, your legs felt sturdy and you began to feel confident in your skates. Ricky saw this new found confidence too, and felt that it would be time for you to master your next lesson.

“See, look! You got this part down to a tee! You wanna try to actually move now?” he asks.

After glancing around the rink and seeing that a couple of people had left, you made up your mind.

“You know what? Yeah! Let’s do it!”

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By the end of the day and a couple of trips onto your butt later, you had gotten the hang of actually gliding from one end of the rink to the other. You still felt a bit clunky, but you considered the fact that you weren’t slipping anymore to be a victory. A lot of your confidence of course, had to go to Roller Ricky. He truly was a good teacher. Always encouraging you and treating every little bit of progress as an achievement. Even when you did inevitably fall, he had laughed at you, but not in a malicious way. It was always playful and he would calm your embarrassment by saying that everyone slips their first time around.

Now, you were sitting back on the benches untying your skates, feeling much better about yourself than you did when you first sat down.

“Now, what were you so worried about? You’ll be a natural in no time,” Ricky grinned while waiting for you to get your skates off.

“I owe that all to you. You’re a really good teacher,” you hand him your skates.

“Why do you think I charge people for lessons?” he joked while walking into the small room to get your shoes, but the tone was lost on you.

“Oh yeah, right, of course! Uh…how much do I owe you?” you called to him. He returned to you with your shoes, smiling and shaking his head.

“Don’t worry about it. Consider it a ‘good neighbor’ discount,” he winks.

‘How did I luck out and meet such generous people?’ you wonder.

Every effort to try and get Ricky to tell you how much you owed him fell on deaf ears.

“How about this,” he begins. “I’ll consider us even if you can buy a bag of jerky for me and Maxy to share from the vending machine. That’ll be your payment.”

You decide to take it. It was something. After all, Ricky deserved it for not only being a good teacher, but a nice person too. And Max was just always a good boy, so he deserved a snack as well.

You had learned a bit about Ricky while he was teaching you. You had learned that he played football in high school which explains his nice build, how he was still into the sport although now watching instead of actually playing, how he enjoyed occasionally going on long drives to nowhere in particular with Max, how he would occasionally jog with Sandra which would explain how she knew him, his favorite movie genre was comedy, he had a preference for spicy foods, and the most shocking revelation of all: he was in his late 30s. You thought he was in his late 20s at most from how young he looked. Perhaps you were just used to men his age being so worn down from the bustling life of the city.

Still, with everything he had revealed about himself, there was still something he was trying to protect. That didn't really shock you. Your…friendship, if that was the proper word, was still very new. While he did say he considered you a friend after you both talked about yourselves, you just weren’t used to making one so fast. If you tried doing that in your home city, people would think you were crazy.

With all the reflection you were doing on the day, you didn’t even realize you had put money into the vending machine near the front doors of the roller rink and got Ricky and Max’s jerky until you heard the sound of it hitting the slot. You grab it, before walking back. As soon as you are close enough to Ricky, you toss the bag towards him.

“Woah!” he grabs it, before smirking at you. “Thanks! Now enough of this ‘paying’ stuff, got it? This is good enough.”

At the sound of Ricky tearing open the bag in his hands, Max eagerly begins to glide towards his owner. Ricky scratches behind the canine’s ears, before asking him to perform a couple of tricks for a jerky strip. It amuses you greatly. However, as luck would call it, your stomach began to growl.

“Augh, I guess that’s my cue to head home and make some dinner,” just like when you first met Ricky, you didn’t want to leave.

“Oh yeah, I guess I have kept you here long enough, huh?” he rubs the back of his neck.

“Don’t worry about it. Besides, I had fun, ‘teach’,” you quip, causing him to chuckle. “I’ll be seeing you two tomorrow?”

“Only if you’re not busy,” he nods.

You nod back to him, and feel the overwhelming urge to kiss him before leaving. Self control pushes the thought to the back of your mind just as quickly as it had popped up, though. You settle with giving him a smile, before turning and walking out the front doors. At least you thought you saw Ricky looking as disappointed about you leaving as you did too.

‘Damn you, stomach.’

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You really loved the smell of ‘Rise and Shine Coffee’. It became common for you and Sandra to head there after her noon class. She claimed that she needed a bit of extra “pep” before her session at 2 o’clock. You enjoyed these little coffee breaks with her. Although, you really could take or leave trying to keep up with her as she always insisted on jogging to the coffee shop instead of a leisurely stroll.

It was August now, and your new life in Gallows Creek was still positive. Your relationships with Sandra, Ricky, and of course Max were still going strong. Even the Castevets never stopped being friendly towards you, occasionally bringing you leftovers from their dinner the previous night. Mrs. Castevet even made you some red, white, and blue frosted cookies for the 4th of July.

Unfortunately, you were going to have to prepare for your time with everyone to become limited. Classes were going to start up at the end of the month and you could feel the mix of excitement and nerves in your stomach. Maybe that's why you barely touched your muffin. It could’ve very well been untouched because the urge to confess your feelings for Ricky were starting to become almost unbearable, though.

“So let me get this straight,” Sandra begins. “You have had a crush on this man since the day you met him and practically see him everyday…and you still haven’t told him you are absolutely in love with him?”

“It’s not that easy, Sandra,” you take a sip of your beverage. “If I confess and he doesn’t feel the same, I’ll ruin everything. We’ll never be able to properly hang out with each other ever again. Besides…you really don’t think that the fact I’m kinda…younger than him is an issue?”

“Of course it’s not an issue!” Sandra looks at you as if you had said something absurd. “You’re pretty, you’re sweet, you’re attentive…you’ve got a great taste in music.”

Sandra continues to list off as many good qualities she could about you, before you cut her off.

“Sandra, I’m serious. I really, really like Ricky, and I really don’t want to ruin everything we have.”

“Hun, I have known Roller Ricky longer than you have. You confessing will not ruin everything,” she reaches across the table of the booth the two of you were sitting at and takes your hands, squeezing them reassuringly. She thinks for a moment, before a smirk forms on her face. “You know…I wouldn’t count on him not having a crush on you.”

Your eyes widen at that.

“What are you talking about?” you say, trying to not sound too hopeful.

“Don’t you remember? We go jogging every once and a while. And while we jog…he tells me a lot of revealing things,” she leans in a bit closer to you. “Believe me when I say this, hun. How he talks about you would make a person think that he was head over heels in love.”

“You’re…you’re sure about that?”

“Hm, I don’t know. Have I ever lied to you?”

She had got you there. Sandra was always honest with you ever since the day you had met her. Plus, her closeness with Ricky did make her claim hold some weight. You nod your head and sigh.

“You’ve got me there. So…you really think I should tell him?”

“You tell him, dear, and I’ll give you a raise!”

“Sandra…seriously?” you finally crack a smile.

“Mmhm, I mean it. You confess to him, oh let’s say…before your classes start up, and I’ll give you a 15% raise,” she holds one of her hands out for you to seal the deal. After staring at it for a bit and mulling over her offer in your head, you reach out and shake it.

“There! It’s settled then!” Sandra nods at you, before changing the subject entirely. “Now, let me tell you what I heard yesterday….”

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You thought about Sandra’s offer the whole day, even when planning tomorrow's classes. You didn’t want to jump immediately to confessing that day, however you didn’t really know if you would get a better opportunity.

Instead of hanging out with Ricky and Max at the roller rink like always, he had decided to invite you over to his place for dinner. Sandra of course lit up when you revealed such vital information, and you had to tell her it was not a date, even though you really wanted to call it that.

Your brain was a battlefield of “should yous” and “should you nots”. You hated the back and forth and all the doubts. All the fear.

And Sandra was growing tired of it.

“There really is nothing to be afraid of, dear,” she repeats. “Besides, you really don’t have to confess, tonight. You’ve got the whole month don’tcha?”

“I...I know...but tonight would just be so...,” you trail off. Maybe just getting this off your chest as soon as possible would be best.

“It is rather romantic, isn’t it,” a small smile spreads across Sandra’s face. “I don’t think I have ever heard of Ricky inviting his friends over to dinner, before.”

“It’s still something friends do, though,” you sigh as you shoot the idea down.

“Oh, enough of that!” Sandra exclaims, completely done with your negativity. “If you confess tonight, you’ll leave his place, still his friend or something better. I don’t know how many more times I gotta repeat myself before you get it, hun, but I am being completely honest with you. Besides, the weight’s only gonna get worse and worse the long you wait. Now, tell me: which of those sound like the better outcome?”

You’re almost frozen on the spot at your typically happy-go-lucky boss snapping at you, but you know that it’s just her wanting the best for you.

“The...the first one,” you answer.

Sandra nods, before gently pulling you into a hug. You hug her back.

“I’m sorry for snapping, dear,” she begins. “But I know how badly you want to tell him, and I know how badly he wants to tell you. Ricky is as in love with you as you are him, hun. You have nothing to worry about.”

You stay in Sandra’s arms and continue to replay her words in your head. After repeating her words enough times, you are decided. You pull away from her, and look into her eyes.

“Okay,” your voice is barely over a whisper.

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Your heart to heart with Sandra was very much appreciated. You had to admit, having that moment really helped her encouraging words pierce your mind easier.

By the time the clock told you to head over to Ricky’s, you felt gassed up and ready to go. Sandra yelled “good luck” to you as you walked away from the studio towards your neighborhood.

Now you were approaching Ricky’s house, with your chin still high and a smile on your face. After getting to his front door, you knock just as you did when you had first gone over to introduce yourself.

‘God, that feels so long ago,’ you reminisce.

Max began to bark eagerly from inside, and you could hear Ricky trying to calm him down before walking towards his door. He opens it and beams when his eyes land on you.

“Hey, uh, come on in,” he steps to the side to allow you to walk inside. “Thanks for coming. I, uh, I didn’t know if you were going to show up.”

“You didn’t think I was going to stand you you, did you?” you joke once more. This makes him laugh.

“Nope! Not at all!” he closes the door behind you.

Upon entering his house, you notice how the interior was arranged very similarly to your own, with the exception of the dog toys, leash hanging by the front door, and a large dog bed next to his TV.

Oh, and of course the large dog that was greeting you and trying to get you to scratch him behind his ears. You laugh and pet Max before you stick your nose into the air and sniff, catching the scent of something familiar to you.

“Ricky, are you cooking something?” you ask as he walks into his kitchen. He laughs, nervously.

“Well, do you remember how I asked you what your favorite dish was, yesterday?” he calls back.

You let out an incredulous laugh before moving from your spot in the entryway and walking into the kitchen, which was also laid out similarly to yours. The smell of your favorite dish only got stronger as you got closer to Ricky, who had his back to you as he checked the food. You lean against one of his counters and look at what he had prepared. The sight made your stomach growl.

“Now that looks good!” you grin up at him.

“Thanks. I, uh, I really wanted it to turn out perfectly. I even called Mrs. Castevet over to make sure.”

You giggle at that. You really didn’t know if it was possible for Ricky to get any cuter.

He reaches for a cabinet nearby and takes two dishes to put the food on. He opens his mouth to say something but Max’s whining causes his brain to change direction.

“Hey, uh, you don’t mind getting Maxy some supper too. His food’s in the big blue container there,” he nods his head over to where the container sat near a food bowl, water bowl, and a hungry Max.

“Nope, not at all,” you walk over to the canine and coo to him as you feed him.

While you feed and pet the large dog, Ricky places the two plates on his small dining room table. He then turns to get two glasses to fill with water.

You move from your spot near Max to sit at the table. Ricky came back with the two glasses, handing you yours before sitting on his end of the table.

You eat and compliment him on his cooking. The dish tastes almost as good as how your mother would make it, which impresses you.

--------------------

The rest of dinner was filled with idle chatter here and there, with both of you talking about your days and anything else that came to Ricky’s mind. He was a bit similar to Sandra with how he could pull out random topics to discuss, and like with Sandra, it amazed you. However, he seemed to suddenly shift the conversation to a new topic or be vague about some things. You had noticed this change in how he conversed with you a couple of weeks ago. While it did have you curious, you never questioned him about it.

Now that dinner has come to the end, so has the positive energy. Ricky was deep in thought about something, and the dark eyes that had once hidden some type of pain were starting to reveal itself to you.

“Ricky, what’s wrong?” you look at him, worried.

He parts his lips as if wanting to say something, but shuts them. You watch him mull over what he wanted to say in his head, until he finally has it.

“I wanna talk to you about something,” he says, while standing up from his seat. You stand up as well, and follow him into his living room. He sits down on his sofa and you decide to join him. You look at him with concern in your eyes, waiting for him to speak.

He takes a deep breath before starting.

“I wanna tell you this because…because you have always been so honest and open with me and…I haven’t,” He swallows before continuing. “And that’s not right of me. You deserve me being open when you have told me so much about yourself and your life, the good and the bad.”

You don’t speak. You want Ricky to feel like he can let out everything he needs to. It’s quiet except for the clack of Max’s nails on the floor as he moves to rest his head on his owner’s knee.

“There was a period of my life that I’m not proud of. I had lost someone close to me…and for years I blamed myself for it. Some of what should’ve been the best years of my life were spent with me drinking the pain away. Even when I would get blackout drunk and wake up with hangovers that made me feel like I was dying, I still drank .That's, uh, that’s the thing about having a problem…you never truly realize how bad it all is until it’s too late,” Ricky closes his eyes, clearly remembering another harsh experience and starts to pet the large canine near him. You give him his time to recover, until he feels comfortable continuing.

“One of my old friends had visited me. Wanted to check up on me. God, I can only imagine what I looked like to him. I probably looked like a blubbering, drunken idiot….The next thing I knew, I was in the hospital. According to my friend, I had passed out and was unresponsive. My breathing was shallow, too. He thought I was dying. Apparently I had to get my stomach pumped. Laying in that hospital bed, I probably did look like I was dead. My skin was pale and I felt exhausted. My friend was there, waiting for me to wake up. He told me that I had a problem and I believed him. It took me winding up in the hospital to realize I needed to get help...so that’s what I did,” slowly, the pain in his voice began to melt away now that he was entering better memories.

“It’s really amazing just how much talking with someone can help. People who are always there for you, even when you relapse…even when the withdrawals start to feel unbearable. I own each one of them for pulling me out of that dark period of my life, especially the one that recommended I get an emotional support dog. I, uh, I bet you can guess who that is,” he cracks a smile while looking down at Max, and you nod. “Eventually, I finally got my life together and I haven’t touched a drop of alcohol since.”

You were speechless. Your tongue felt like it was made of lead. You took this time to process what you should say.

“Jesus, Ricky,” you say in the meantime.

“I just feel like you should know that. You deserve that after how…avoidant I’ve started to become with us talking. You don’t deserve that. You don’t deserve…,” he stops, not knowing how to continue. Fortunately, you knew what to say now.

“Ricky,” you take one of his hands into your own and wait until he turns his head to look at you. “You are very brave for not only going through all of that, but also telling me all of it. I’m happy that you trust me enough to open up, but I didn’t care that you weren’t revealing anything. I’m used to people being distant and private, so I respected whatever you decided.”

It’s true, you really didn’t care. You respected his decision of keeping something so personal private. After all, not many people in the city wore their hearts on their sleeves and broadcasted such things to others. Sometimes not even those they loved.

Your words dance in Ricky’s head and he glances away from you.

“You really are too good of a person, you know that?” he lets out a weak chuckle. “Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve a friend like you.”

“Honestly,” you begin, wondering if you should really go through with what you wanted to say. “I don’t think there is anything you can say that would make me stop being your friend. Especially not what you just told me.”

‘Oh God, I’m really doing this,’ you thought.

“You are a very sweet, funny, and patient guy, Ricky,” you’re really going to do this. “You have been a wonderful friend to me. In fact, I think you’ve been too good of a friend.”

Ricky looks at you confused, wondering where you were going with this.

“There really isn’t anything you can say that would push me away from you, because…,” whelp, here it comes. “...Because I am in love with you, Ricky….I…I think I have been since the day I met you.”

There it is, you finally admitted it. You finally got it off your chest. While you felt relieved to say it, you still needed to know Ricky’s response. The silence causes you to look down at your hands that are resting on your lap, and you begin to fiddle with them.

Eventually, all the waiting becomes too much.

“It’s fine if you don’t feel the same. I’ll be okay with that. Just please promise me you’ll still be my friend. Please,” you finally look back at Ricky, who had a surprised look on his face.

After hearing how small your voice was and seeing the pleading look in your eyes, he realizes that he should speak as well.

“I…you mean it?” he asks.

You nod, unable to find your voice.

“Well,” he begins. “Would you believe me if…if I said that I’m in love with you too.”

Now it was your turn to be shocked.

“Wha-really?”

“Yes,” before he cracks a small smile. “I have been ever since I taught you how to skate.”

You crack your own smile, back.

“That…that long, huh?”

Ricky nods.

You truly didn’t know a time that you’ve felt this happy. Without thinking, you throw your arms around his neck and pull him into a tight hug. Ricky chuckles at this and wraps his arms around you too. The two of you stay like that for a while, not wanting to let go for fear that this would all fade away, becoming nothing but a dream. After a while, you find something else you can confess.

“Can I tell you something else?” you ask, pulling away from him.

“Of course.”

“You obviously remember the day you taught me how to skate,” he nods, waiting for you to continue. “Well, when I had to leave to make dinner…I really wanted to kiss you before leaving.”

This causes his smile to widen.

“Really?” he asks.

“Mmhm, I did.”

“Well,” Ricky drawls, thinking about how to quip at that. “Do you want to have that kiss, now?”

You giggle and nod, slowly beginning to lean forward. He does the same, slowly leaning towards you until his lips touch yours.

As soon as this occurs, it feels like fireworks explode behind your eyes and electricity runs through your veins. You never thought a kiss could make you feel high.

Max looks up from where he was laying on the floor and wags his tail, sensing both his owner’s and your own happiness.

When the two of you have to finally pull away once more, Ricky rests his forehead against yours. You've never felt so content than you were now in his arms. You had to refrain from giggling at how Sandra was probably going to react to this when you tell her tomorrow. Why think about that though, when you need to savor the now. Especially when there were three little words that were dancing on the tip of your tongue, desperately wanting to get out.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

#killer frequency #killer frequency game #killer frequency x reader #killer frequency game x reader #roller ricky #roller ricky x reader #first fic #x reader #rita writes

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wolfjackle-creates · 1 year

Text

I am starkly reminded of why I like to rewrite my work before sharing. Took another look at the Wrong Number AU and, yeah, I want to give that work some TLC. For anyone who is interested in what my first round of edits look like, click the readmore. (Though this is actually way closer to the original that I usually keep it. I just really liked the story beats of my first draft.)

-----

Version 1

Jazz was at Nasty Burger staring at her food. She'd ordered Danny's favorite, but her stomach was so in knots she didn't think she could eat.

A napkin was tossed on her table and she was about to scold the person who threw it when she saw Sam walking away. Instead she clicked her tongue as if annoyed and straightened it out.

On it was scrawled a quick message.

I got him an old phone before he ran. His number is XXX-XXX-XXXX.

As surreptitiously as she could, she pulled out her own phone and snapped a quick picture before soaking it in her unfinished drink and throwing it away with her uneaten food.

-----

It's not bad per se. Just truncated and only barely touches on what Jazz is feeling. From here I immediately jumped to the next scene with zero transition. I generally prefer taking my time with the narrative rather than rushing through and not mentioning details. Besides, if I do the transition right, I can fit in more worldbuilding!

Now, for the rewrite of the above section.

-----

Version 2

Jazz sat in a Nasty Burger booth and stared at her food. She'd ordered Danny's favorite, but her stomach was so in knots she didn't think she could eat.

All of this was her parent’s fault. If they weren’t so close minded and horrible, if they’d just accepted they were wrong…

Her circling thoughts were interrupted by a balled up napkin landing on the table next to her tray. Jazz was half to her feet ready to yell at whomever threw their trash at her when she saw Sam in a frilly yellow dress walking to the counter with her grandmother.

Huffing as if annoyed, Jazz settled back down and straightened the napkin. In messier-than-normal writing, Sam had scrawled the message:

I got him an old phone before he ran. His number is XXX-XXX-XXXX.

As surreptitiously as she could, she pulled out her own phone and snapped a quick picture and saved it to the encrypted folder Tucker had set up. Then she destroyed the napkin by soaking it in her unfinished pop and throwing her entire tray away, uneaten food and all.

Well, there was nothing else she could do in Amity. Might as well start the long drive back to Boston.

-----

It's only 90 words longer, but it flows much better and does a much better job of showing off Jazz's mental state. I used less passive voice, too, which makes the scene more engaging.

Idk, I really like rewrites. For me, they make the fic so much better even if they do take forever. At least with this one, I think I can do the rewrite with the two versions side-by-side. When I'm really not happy with my first draft, I refuse to look at it while I write the second draft because I don't want to feel like I'm forced to follow the same sequence of events just in case that was the problem with the draft. Not-looking rewrites take even longer.

#my writing #wrong number au #my writing process #my ramblings #guess i'll be working on this off and on this week

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bteezxyewriter12 · 1 year

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Love Motel/ Epilogue

Pairing- Changkyun x Named Reader

Word count- 1k

Includes- fluff

Tag List- @90s-belladonna @mingtina

@direitobulando @honey-zip @chansbabydoll

@anthropologymajorkpopmultistan @jaxxmine @yeosayang

@delightfulmoonbanana @itsshaydeekaydee @seokwoosmole

@rpkth @tannie13 @wisejudgedragonhairdo @y00nzin0 @marsstarxhwa

Series Masterlist

3 years later

Changkyun POV

A huge smile bursts on my face as I see her at the end of the aisle

I excitedly wait at the altar for her, Jooheon by my side as my best man

This is the way I'm supposed to feel at my wedding

Happy, excited, giddy, nervous but in a good way

She looks completely stunning in her dress, like an angel

The dress is exactly her style, showing just enough and covering just enough

My princess

Her eyes are on me, a huge smile on her face

"Happy this time?", Jooheon whispers

"Absolutely"

Jooheon managed to come here just for the wedding

I don't know how he got here, but he swore that he wasn't followed and he took the proper precautions so no one finds us

I trust him

He's been my friend since we were kids

I didn't want to lose his friendship and we kept in touch through burner cells

Every time we spoke it's been like we're two normal guys

We don't talk about the jokop

I'm not there, I gave it up and I don't want to know anything

The only thing he said was that I should not come back to Seoul

I expected that and it was enough warning for me

The wedding is very small, just me, her, Jooheon, her parents, Milena and Tae

We wanted just immediate family and friends at the ceremony

Everyone I know is back in Korea and part of the mob so that was a hard no

We just moved again, to Colorado where she got a job as a paleontologist in a museum

She did end up going to Mongolia for a dig and I went with her

I went to the dig site a few times but it was way too hot for me

I stayed in the apartment most of the time, cooking for her

I did end up finding something I really love to do

She was right

When she was teaching me to cook, I found that I really liked it and I was good at it

I asked her if she thought I should go to school for that and she immediately said yes

While she did her master's, I went to culinary school

We both graduated at the same time, then moved to Colorado a few months ago, buying our first house

I found a job as a chef at a five star restaurant, making really good money

I enjoy it so much so it's really not like a job for me

We knew we were moving when I proposed and decided to have the wedding in Colorado, by our new house

She gets to me and I take her hand, holding on tightly

"Hi jagi", I smile

"Hi baby"

My god she's beautiful

Everything, her hair, makeup, dress is perfect

She's perfect

We turn to the officiate who begins the ceremony

I keep my eyes on her, not being able to tear my gaze from her

I knew from the second I stepped on that plane that I was going to marry her one day

I knew that I wanted her for the rest of my life, that I was going to love her forever

I found the perfect ring, bought it and proposed to her at the dig site in Mongolia, next to the dinosaur she was digging up

She screamed so loudly, saying yes then burst into tears in happiness when I put the ring on her

This time around, I was involved in all the planning

Picking the restaurant for the reception, the food, the cake, the honeymoon destination, everything

Surprisingly it was a lot of fun and everything turned out great so far

I doubt anything will go wrong

I'm marrying the girl I love, nothing can ruin this day

"Please face each other for the vows"

We face each other, clasping our hands

I'm so ready for this

"Do you Changkyun, take Joanne, to be your lawful wedded wife? To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish as long as you both shall live?"

"I do", I answer immediately, smiling so widely

I swear I haven't smile so much as I have today

The officiate looks at her

"Do you Joanne, take Changkyun, to be your lawful wedded husband? To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish as long as you both shall live?"

"I do", she nods, looking at me so lovingly, tears in her eyes

The officiate hands me the ring and asks me to repeat after him

“I give you this ring as a sign of my love. With all that I have, I am honored to call you my wife from this moment until forever.”

I put the ring on her finger, a few tears of my own welling in my eyes

It's just hitting me that this is really happening

I'm marrying the love of my life and I've never been more happy than in this moment

She takes my ring from the officiate, looking in my eyes

“I give you this ring as a sign of my love. With all that I have, I am honored to call you my husband from this moment until forever.”

I feel the cool metal of the ring slide on my finger as she puts the ring on me

The ring I'm never taking off

The officiate continues the ceremony but all I do is look at her

Moving my hand, I wipe her tears away

"I now pronounce you husband and wife", the officiate says, making an enormous smile bursting on my face, "You may kiss the bride"

Our arms move around each other, our lips meeting in a kiss full of love

I hear clapping but all I can do is keep kissing my wife

Fuck, she's my wife

I love the sound of that

When the kiss ends, we lean our foreheads against each other's

"We did it jagi", I whisper

She nods, smiling, "We did it. Me and you"

"Me and you jagi. Forever"

"Forever", she repeats

Pressing my lips to hers again, I kiss her, so excited for our future

#love motel #changkyun fanfic #changkyun fic #i.m fics #monsta x fanfic #monsta x fic #monsta x fanfiction

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rambleswhatsthepoint · 2 years

Text

09/24/2022

So i just watched Thor Love and Thunder. I liked it. It made me cry, lol. I feel like so many things can make me cry these days. It was funny, it had action, it had a lot of actors in it surprisingly, it pulled on my heartstrings, it made me sad, and it made me cry. Overall, I liked it and would definitely watch it again.

Earlier this morning I did another run + walk, just the second one since I sprained my ankle. Got up to 5.1 on the later intervals, so I’m feeling pretty happy! It doesn’t feel too badly right now either, so I am hopefully that means I’m really on my way to being all better. Hopefully getting the jogging motion up with help all the muscles and tendons or whatever loosen up even more so i can get that full range of motion and really be able to run again. I’m two weeks late for the half marathon training I was supposed to start.

1 of the crystal red shrimp I found dead, the other I can’t find anywhere, so i’m guessing it’s also dead. But the fish in the tank are just fine. So i’m just going to go with the fact that they were very small and probably just to osensitive. I dunno if i should just fill this tank with other small fish... or if i go back to my dream of having a shrimp tank. I dunno, I guess I’ll wait a bit for the tank to settle more. ugh i hate that it took so long for the tank to cycle and i lost all the little yellows i had in the smaller cube tank :(

I sat at my computer yesterday thinking about firing up a game. I used to sit for HOURS and hours on my computer playing elder scrolls online. Just fell off it I guess. Can’t bring myself to fire up the ps4 to continue my replay of Odyssey or the Switch to continue on with Zelda. I had described to someone how I “used to have hobbies”. What the hell is that, can one really just feel no motivation to do things that I used to really, really enjoy? Part of me is a little Ok with it i guess? I had always wondered why i spent so much time and effort into shit that isn’t even “real”. My crazy Brit friend had said, if you’re enjoying it, don’t judge it - if it makes you happy, then it is worth it. I suppose that makes some sense? If it brings you fulfillment, then it is good. I guess the same things just aren’t bringing me fulfillment anymore.

speaking of, I still need to find a new job. ugh the work itself is not bad. I’m just tired of the hypocrisy and bullshit happening around me. but they definitely did the right thing - it’s super hard for me to find a new job where i’ll get paid the same or more and be able to wfh. my job is too specialized and they pay me too much. and, i have to be so careful now since i’m single income only now. Can’t afford to lose my job, get paid less or i’ll lose my house and so much more.

my throat felt scratchy this morning. I think it’s cause of the weather changing only. it really feels like fall now and i love it. the 90+ degree bullshit can be gone forever.

not sure what else to do today. my life is just so boring. may venture outside and go to the mall or do some errands just to break up the day.

#online journal #rambles #my life #movies

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mayraki · 3 years

Text

“the adventures of babysitting” - jj maybank

-> hvitstark’s gif!

summary: when the cute boy who mows the lawn for the kook family you babysit shows up, weird and unexpected events start to happen.

masterlist

Babysitting wasn’t something you planned to do when summer started, but when you saw that lonely dollar that you had in your pocket you decided to change that. And what better way, than to take care of the rich kids when their parents are too focused on their golf sessions?

It didn’t took you long to find a parent like that, since in Outer Banks, 90% of the parents had the stupid necessity to go golfing every day, leaving their poor kids on the house. Well, “poor” is a matter of speech, because if you had a pool the side of your entire house and free WiFi to play any game that ever existed, you wouldn’t complain.

“The food is in the refrigerator. Maybe start making it at 12 pm, she likes to eat early.” Mrs. Johnson was saying while she had her big bag on her shoulders, ready to leave the house. “Lily!” She yelled so loudly that you squint your eyes for the sudden scream. “Oh, and before I forget, in a couple of hours the boy that’s going to cut the grass is going to show up. But you don’t have to do anything, he already knows his way around the front yard.” You nodded with a little smile.

“Great!”

“Lily! Get down here, now!” She yelled so firmly that you could tell the fire on her eyes, making you feel a little bit intimidated by the rich house wife. As soon as she went back to you, a smile appeared on her face again changing her expression completely in a matter of one second, making you feel a little bit scared. “Do you have any more questions for the day?”

“No! I’m fine, we’ll be fine.”

“Y/n!” You heard the little girl calling your name while she was running to welcome you with a hug.

“Lily! Come here you little angel!” You picked her up so she could wrap her arms around your shoulders.

“Lily, behave.” Mrs. Johnson said and Lily nodded.

“Yes, mommy, like always.”

“No cookies until lunch is over, got it?”

Lily nodded again, this time more quicker. “Got it.”

Not trusting her daughter, Mrs. Johnson turned to you. “Got it?”

“Yeah, don’t worry about it.” Mrs. Johnson gave Lily a kiss on the forehead before walking towards the door. “See you later Mrs. Johnson!” You waved until you saw her outside and she was no longer in your sight.

“Do you want to see my barbie?” Lily said once her feet touched the ground.

“Sure!”

“Cool! Let me look for it.” She grabbed your hand to walk you to her room. “I did a makeover that took me the whole week. Because when I got her she was so ugly, the change was necessary.” She was saying like a professional fashion icon. Her sass was one of your favorite things about her. “That’s what my mom says all the time. If you don’t like something, you change it so it fits you.” After a walk that seemed to took forever since the house was bigger than the whole frontyard itself, you arrived at her room. While Lily was looking for her barbie to show you, you went over her room like it was the first time your eyes were seeing it. The wall colors looked like an unicorn had throw up in them and then a fairy had her glitter thrown at it. The main color was pink, her bed, her night stand, her desk, even her TV was the color pink. You never hated that color, but her room was making you feel nauseous. It was all so colourful and an interesting thing to look at, but the thing that always caught your attention was the thousand posters of the movie ‘Frozen’. Elsa, Anna and all of those characters you couldn’t remember the names where in her wall smiling. They were so many of them that you started to feel creeped out by them. “Here she is!” Finally, Lily found her barbie as was already walking towards you with her toy in her hand waving it like she was trying to get something out of her. She handed the barbie to you with the biggest and proudest smile ever, but the moment you grabbed the toy the smile disappeared from your face for a second.

“Oh my-” the normal long hair that Barbies have isn’t longer in this one, it was short and it looked like some punk girl from the 80’s with he hairs all lift up. You didn’t even know if it was punk, she looked like she touched a wire with a fork! She had a short dress that looked like it had been on dirt, washed but then she fell on grass, making it look even more dirty and destroyed. Her skin was painted red and blue with some pink dots all over her body. She definitely didn’t had a good day. You looked at Lily and noticed the proud smile and the excitement on her eyes as you were watching the barbie, so you put your biggest fake smile on your face not wanting to break the poor girl’s heart. “She looks wonderful!”

“I know! I’m good at it!”

You quickly nodded. “Yeah!”

“Maybe I can be a fashion designer when I grow up!” Lily started clapping and grabbed the barbie from your hand while you were nodding non stop not knowing what to say.

Models from the future; I’m so sorry and good luck.

You thanked the Gods for Lily not wanting to show you anymore of her creations, instead she wanted to watch a movie, and as soon as she said that, you already knew what she wanted to see.

“Let it gooooo! Let it goooooo!” You heard Elsa sing while Lily’s eyes were glued to the TV, her body was slowly moving while she was whispering the song. You knew she loved the movie so much she never wanted to outsing Elsa, and deep down, you were grateful for that.

“Yes, please Elsa,” you said in a whisper not wanting Lily to hear you while you were sitting down in the couch behind her “let it fucking go. Stop it.” As soon as you tilted your head backwards annoyed, a sound came from the front yard. “What was that? You asked with your eyes glued to the door, but there was no response from Lily, since her little mind was too focused on the movie. You headed to the window to cheek what it was while all the horror movies and serial killers documentaries went through your mind. With your heart beating a little faster you opened the curtains and wondered with your eyes your surroundings, but nothing was there. You were calming down until you heard your phone rang in your pocket, making you jump from the scare.

“What’s up bitch?” Your best friend, Hannah, said on the phone once you picked up.

“Hi, I’m babysitting.” You said still checking the front yard.

“Oh, got it, you have to watch your tongue.”

“Yeah, but I don’t think this kid is listening to me right now, Elsa has that covered.” You did quick look on Lily, who’s eyes were still glued to the TV.

“Ugh, I hate that movie.”

“I don’t. But the amount of times I watched it here isn’t helping on that.”

“What are you doing right now?”

“Checking if the guy- oh my god.” You stopped as soon as your eyes noticed a boy standing in the front yard. Because he was too far away you could only see clearly his blonde hair and his dark brown boots. He had a white shirt on and some light brown shorts, he was far, but the way he was moving and carrying himself was what attracted you and made your eyes stare at him twice, making sure you were seeing correctly.

“What?”

“The guy that cuts the grass for this family is...” you did a quick turn to Lily to check if she was listening, but she was still too focused on the movie. You turned back to see the boy, but before you could continue your sentence, Hannah spoke before you.

“Hot?”

“Oh, more than that.”

“Who is it?” Hannah said intrigued.

“Can’t see, he’s too far.”

“What is he doing?” You saw how his arms tensed when he grabbed some machine you never saw before. They were so strong that you suddenly got the need to walk towards him touch them, but that would be extremely weird.

“I don’t know, turning the machine I guess.” You tried to focus more on his face and try to figure out if you knew him, but he was too far for your poor sight.

“Go talk to him.”

“What? No!”

“Why not? He’s hot, you’re hot. Perfect match.”

“He is definitely a...” Again, you turned around making sure Lily wasn’t hearing. Even if she wasn’t, you choose your next words carefully. “major babe.”

“Major babe?” Hannah let out a tiny laugh. “What are? 30?”

“The kid is still here!” You whispered loudly.

“What is a major babe?” Fuck.

You turned around to see Lily standing there with her Barbie between her hands. The movie was still playing but it looked like your conversation gained her attention even more.

“What? Oh, nothing.” You shook your head with your phone still against your ear. “Don’t worry about it baby. Keep watching Elsa.”

“I want to know what that means.” Lily said with her firm tone, letting you know she wasn’t going to let it go.

“I think you’re in trouble.” Hannah said on the other side, and you knew she was trying to not laugh at your current situation.

“Bye!” You ended the call before leaving your phone in your pocker to kneeled down and be closer to Lily’s face. “A major babe is someone who is... cute.” You said trying to choose the perfect words. Explaining something like this to a six year old isn’t something that you would ever choose to do.

“Cute?” Lily asked confused.

“Yeah, pretty.”

“Like Elsa?”

“Yeah? Yeah!”

You thought the conversation was over when Lily let out a giant smile and nodded convinced. But then, she opened her mouth: “So you think the guy who cuts the grass is pretty?”

“Well-” You got up trying to take those thoughts out of her mind, but before you could say anything Lily started clapping excited.

“You do! Y/n and JJ sitting in a tree-” She started singing but you stopped hearing once you heard the name ‘JJ’.

“Wait, JJ? The guy’s name is JJ?” You said confused, hoping it wasn’t who you thought it was.

“Yeah! He comes every week since last year!”

“JJ? JJ Maybank?” You were praying Lily was going to shake her head and say it was another JJ, but deep down you knew there wasn’t any other guy with that name.

“Yeah!” Lily said happily, unaware of your thoughts and your not so happy face.

Well, fuck.

“Oh my god.” You said when it finally hit you. “Sweetie, I think Anna is dying.” You said gently turning Lily towards the TV.

“Oh no!” She went back to the movie. You turned to the window and moved the curtain while a sigh came out of your mouth.

JJ Maybank. The guy that was known for being the life of the party, getting into trouble or starting a fight. He would almost every time leave the party with some girl around his arm. You weren’t going to lie, you wished sometimes you were that girl. Having a crush on a boy that doesn’t know you exists isn’t... the best. You met JJ at school when you were a kid and that’s when it all started, when he defended you from some Kook kid that was annoying you at lunch. The crush didn’t grew more, the opposite, it went down passing the years. But that didn’t stop you from looking at him when he showed up at the party you were at or feeling nervous when he was around. You weren’t the type to do so, but there was something about him that made you feel as awkward as you could ever be.

The fact that he was in the same house as you made you feel something inside your stomach, making you move uncomfortably in your sit while Lily was watching, for the second time, Frozen. You don’t have to talk to him, there’s nothing to worry about. You were thinking over and over again trying to calm yourself down. Or maybe this is your opportunity to talk to him. You thought in Hannah’s voice, since she knew about your crush she would often say that you should start a conversation with him, or at least introduce yourself.

You didn’t know if he knew who you were. You only talked once, back when you were kids and you thanked him for defending you. That was it. You remembered it, but you were sure he didn’t.

C’mon, what are you waiting for? Go offer him some water! Hannah’s voice was saying in your head like she was next to you giving you the courage you needed to do so. And somehow, it worked. After making sure Lily was safe while watching the movie, you walked towards the kitchen and poured water on a cup to bring outside.

As soon as your hand touched the door to open it, you felt the heat of the sun touching your skin and you heart beating faster, already knowing your next moves.

You saw him getting ready to cut the grass with the same machine you saw before. His skin and hair were glowing under the sun making your heart beat faster than before and him looking more beautiful than he already was.

“Hey!” You said loudly once you were a couple of steps away from him.

JJ immediately turned to you making your heart drop to your stomach. He furrowed his eyebrows confused while trying to figure out who you were. “Hi? Are you the babysitter?” He pointed at you and you nodded with a smile.

“Yeah. Y/n.”

“JJ.” He let out a tiny smile. Fuuuuuuck.

Silence came between you two while your brain was trying to remember what you came outside. “Oh! I bought you some water, it’s pretty hot out here.” You handed him the cup which he took gratefully.

“Thanks.”

“Yeah, I don’t want you passing out. I don’t want to deal with that.” You said and immediately regretted it, why would you say that? That makes you sound like a terrible babysitter!

But as soon as he let out a genuine laugh, your mind gave you a break.

“Sure. So, since when did you started working with this family?” He said before giving a sip to the water.

“Last week.”

“I haven’t seen you around much. You live in the Cut, right?”

You nodded. “Yeah, I do. My dad owns the store across the beach.”

JJ didn’t respond immediately. He stood there watching your eyes carefully, so much, that your heart started beating faster once again. “Really? He has some good boards, dude.”

“Thanks. He’s really proud of them.”

“Make sure to tell him. Thank you for the water.” He gave you the now empty cup and you shook your head with a little smile.

“Don’t worry about it. If you need anything just tell me.”

JJ let out a tiny laugh. “You take care better of me than Mrs. Johnson.”

You smiled back while on the inside you were freaking out. “It’s no-” you were saying but the water hitting your body cut you off.

“What the fuck?” JJ said as soon as both of you noticed the water feeling like rain against your body. You looked up to see if it was, but the sky was as as clear as you last saw it.

“Where is that water coming from?!”

“It’s the automatic water for the grass!” JJ said looking down and pointing at the tiny machine going off behind you. You turned around and looked at it confused, trying to not get hit in the face by putting your hands in front of your face.

“But it never turns on during the day! Do you know how to turn it off?!” You asked at JJ with the hope that he did, and luckily, he nodded turning around and leading to some part of the front yard you’ve never been before. When you arrived to where he was you noticed he was kneeled down and with a quicker twist of his hand, the water was off. “What the hell was that?” You said turning to where the water was coming from.

“I don’t know.” JJ said and looked down to his body all wet. You turned to him and did the same, but not to your own body, to his. The way his shirt was glued to his torso would mark his abs and let you nothing to the imagination. You immediately looked down once you realize you were staring, you felt so embarrassed like you weren’t supposed to see what you just did. “Maybe this will help with the sun and I won’t pass out.” He said with a smile once he looked up at you and you smiled, thankful he didn’t notice you staring at him and his fit body.

“You’re dripping.” You said. “You have to dry yourself otherwise you won’t be able to work with those heavy clothes. C’mon.” You pointed at the house and started walking, but his voice cut you off.

“I’m not sure I’m aloud to go in.”

“Do you want to get your work done or not? Because I don’t think you’ll be able to.” You did a quick look to the drops of water goind down. “It’s your decision, but I think Mrs. Johnson won’t be happy if she comes back and her grass isn’t done. Do whatever you want.” You said knowing that it was going to convince him to go with you. You did this tactic with Lily sometimes, making it their choice and having the control over the situation. Like you suspected, as soon as you made a couple of steps away from JJ, you heard his feet moving and getting closer to yours. Seconds later, he was already next to you.

“Maybe we should go to the bathroom, I don’t want to make a mess.” You said the moment you stepped inside the house. Lily, who was now sitting down on the couch, looked at you two with an exaggerated surprised face and walked to where you two where.

“Oh! What happened?”

“The water of your front yard went kinda crazy.” You said grabbing your sticky shirt and trying to get it away from your skin.

“Really?” Lily asked and then turned to JJ, who nodded.

“Lily I want you to stay here watching the movie, ok? We need to get dry.” You said leading the way to the bathroom. “Don’t open the door to anyone, did you hear me?”

“Yes!” Lily said while quickly nodding and then leaving to continue watching her movie. “Stupid Hans!” She yelled at the TV.

“She really likes that movie doesn’t she?” JJ said with a smile once he turned around to follow you.

“Yeah,” you nodded. “we watched it three times today.”

“Ouch.” You let out a laugh before entering the bathroom and quickly grabbing the towel and turning around to face JJ.

“Here, have the towe-” You were saying but once your eyes noticed JJ’s naked torso, your tongue went completely numb. “Oh.”

“Is everything ok?” He asked noticing your shook face, but then a little grin escaped his lips while he grabbed the towel from your hand.

“Yeah. Yeah! Everything’s fine.” You said quickly shaking your head a little bit, trying so hard to not let your now red cheeks make you feel embarrassed.

“Aren’t you gonna change?”

“I’ll wait for you to be over and then I’ll do it. Don’t worry about it.”

He nodded and the continued drying his body. “I still don’t know what happened with that.”

“Maybe the clock failed?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “Maybe. Anyway, thank you.” He handed you the towel. “I have to continue with work.”

“Yeah!” You quickly nodded. “You go.” You watched how he turned around letting you have a perfect veiw of his back, which made you feel like when you saw his torso naked without any warning. You looked away once he left the bathroom and slapped your forehead with the palm of your hand, already overthinking everything you just did.

As soon as you were finished you walked towards the living room to check on Lily who was now finishing the movie just one more time. You grabbed your phone from your pocket to see the time and realized it was lunch time, so trying to focus every thought of Lily, you called her so she would follow you into the kitchen. You grabbed everything that was on the refrigerator like Mrs. Johnson has told you while your mind was making the recipe for Lily’s meal. You were trying so hard to keep your mind focus and not thing of the cute guy that was still working on the front yard, a couple of steps away from you.

“Did you really fell for Hans because I didn’t. It was pretty obvious.” Lily said while watching you prepare her lunch.

“You think? I didn’t see it coming.”

“I didn’t like Hans since the beginning.” Lily nodded proudly of herself.

“You didn’t? I thought he was really cute and charming, maybe that what’s wrong with princes.” As soon as you said that, a thought came into your head. You stayed still like everything in your life just made sense and you understood it in that exact moment. “And maybe that’s why I like the boys I like.” You continued, talking more to your lard than to Lily. “They’re charming and sweet, but then they forget about your face even if you’re wearing a tiny mask, or they kiss you without even consenting it.” You were saying while your head was inside the refrigerator, looking for the mayonnaise to complete Lily’s lunch. “Or they even think because they have money we will automatically fall for them!” The moment that you said that you realized that you were babbling all to yourself about boys while Lily was listening to you, so you turned around shaking all your thoughts away. “Anyway-” you were about to change the subject but when you opened the water from the kitchen sink it all exploded and went all over your face and clothes. “WHAT THE HELL?” You yelled putting your hand in front of your face to prevent the water hitting your eyes.

“I’ll call JJ!” Lily said once she noticed the water wasn’t stopping.

“What- no! I got this!” You tried to stop her but it was too late, she was already out of your sight. “What’s the fucking problem with water today?” You asked trying to turn the water off, but no matter what you did with the switch, it wasn’t stopping.

“What happened?!” You heard JJ asking once he arrived next to you.

“I turned it on and it went crazy!” You turned around to see the water all over the floor. JJ kneeled down and opened the doors down the sink and just like before, stopped the water. You let your hands rest beside your body and let out an annoyed sigh at the feeling of sticky and wet clothes against your skin.

“Just like before?” JJ asked getting up to lock eyes with you.

You nodded. “Yeah. I think the thingy is broken.” You pointed at the sink looking at it confused but when you heard JJ let out a tiny laugh, you turned to him. “What?”

“The thingy?”

“Yeah, where the water comes out.”

JJ nodded still with a funny smile on his face. “Do you know how to fix it?”

“Do you?”

“Dad has tools!” Lily yelled, appearing on the conversation for the first time. You turned to her and she had a big smile on her face while her fingers were playing with each other. “Maybe Y/n can show you where they are?”

“Oh, yeah,” you nodded remembering the time you helped Mr. Johnson fix something for Lily. “I think they’re next to the bathroom. C’mon.” You said looking at JJ but then you turned to Lily. “While we repair that finish your lunch.”

She quickly nodded before you left her behind. “Ok!”

Even if you had JJ behind you, you felt his eyes on you as you were walking. Maybe they weren’t on you, but somehow, your mind had convince you they were making you feel uncomfortable under them. You were hearing his steps behind you, they were so close you could feel the air he was pushing with his arms while walking. The hallway was darker as usual since having JJ in your mind you forgot to turn on the light, but you knew the house like the palm of your hand.

“I think this is the room- yes it is!” You said entering the room next to the bathroom. “Tools tools tools...”

“Here.” JJ said behind you while grabbing a big dark brown box.

“Oh, ok. Better get that thing fixed so you can get back to work.” JJ nodded so you walked to the now closed door. You looked at it confused since you didn’t remember closing it. “What? Did you close the door?”

“No I didn’t.” JJ said.

“Then why the hell is it closed?” You asked before grabbing the handle, but it wasn’t opening. “And locked?!” Your heart dropped to your stomach the moment you realized you were locked and Lily was outside alone. “Oh my god, Lily? Can you open the door please? Lily?!”

Your heart started to beat faster but then, luckily, she spoke from the other side. “Are you guys locked?”

“Yeah! Can you open it from the outside?”

“I don’t know!”

“Can you check sweetie?”

“She’s a six year old? What can she do?” JJ asked behind you not faced by the situation at all.

“Well? Do you have any ideas genius? Lily is out there on her own!”

JJ lifted the box of the tools and let out a grin. “We have tools?”

“You can’t use them! Do you want to break the door?!”

“Do you want to get stuck in here until Mrs. Johnson comes back? Because I don’t think she’ll be happy to know that you left the little girl outside all by herself.” You let out a tiny sigh when JJ used the same tactic you used on him moments ago. You hated when they were used against you.

“Lily, are you still there?” You asked turning to face the door.

“Yeah. Are you two fighting in there?” She asked softly.

“No, sweetie, why would you think that?”

“I don’t know...”

“Do you want me to break the door then?” JJ asked lifting his eyebrow.

“Maybe you can do something without breaking it?”

“I’ll try. But I’m not a magician.” He said getting closer to the door to grab the handle. You noticed he put a lot of strength in it, but you didn’t understand what he was doing. “I think I got it, but I need your help.”

“What do you want me to do?” You walked to stand next to him.

“Grab the handle and pull it really hard when I say so.” You did as he told you and then looked at him, waiting for his words. “Ready?” You nodded. “Go!”

You pulled the handle with all your strength just like JJ told you while JJ was pushing the door to open, and before you could think of something else the door opened. You and JJ had so much strength into it, that the sudden movement of the door opening, made you two lose balance. JJ tried to grab your waist and prevent you from falling, but it didn’t work since your body was already half way to the floor, it only managed to turn you around by twisting you from your waist and not fall on your face. Once your back hit the floor, you felt a body algo hitting yours.

You opened your eyes once the pain in your back passed enough for you to move, to see some blue eyes staring at you. JJ’s face was so close to yours that you were feeling his heavy breathing against your skin. You felt like his eyes were casting a spell on you since you felt like you couldn’t move, and not because you had his body on top of yours. Even if would be normal for you to feel crushed under a body, you weren’t feeling his. You were so lost in his eyes that you forgot everything around you, it was just him and his breathing gently hitting your face.

“Guys-” Lily said softly next to you. That made you return to the moment and realize in the position you two were. He quickly got up and walked back nervously, like he didn’t know what just happened either.

“Lily! Are you alright?” You walked towards her and hugged her body.

“Yeah, I’m good.” She broke the hug to look at JJ, who was still standing in the corner nervously. “You two looked like Anna and Kristoff there.”

“What’s that?” You asked quickly, feeling your cheeks getting hot.

“Yeah, when they looked at each other. With so much looooove.” Lily said and then let out a silly laugh. You wanted the floor to eat you and throw you whatever it wanted, as long as it wasn’t there. Silence surrounded the hallway for a couple of seconds while you were trying to think of something to change the subject and pretend that what just happened, didn’t. But JJ spoke before you.

“Maybe I should get back to work.” He said and you nodded.

“Maybe you should.” The second you said that, he quickly walked passed your body to leave you and Lily behind. You watched his back and noticed he was looking down, maybe you weren’t the only one who got embarrassed. But what did happen?

The moment that you two locked eyes with each other you felt like there was nothing else around you, like you were melting under his eyes. You never felt something like that, and you never wanted to do it again. So lost in your thoughts that you didn’t realize Lily has taken you to the living room to play with some of her new toys. You were hearing her voice talk but non of her words were entering your body. You tried to keep your eyes on the toys but the second that you looked up, your eyes met with his. He quickly looked down and walked away, leaving your sight from the window. You sighed, disappointed.

It wasn’t that you wanted to stare at him... well, maybe it was. But you didn’t want to distract yourself from your work and taking care of Lily, the girl that had to be your number one throught until you left the house. So erasing your unwanted thoughts, you focused your mind into Lily’s game, who seemed to be super invested in.

“Barbie and Ken are going to get married tomorrow, I already planned everything.” Lily was saying the second your mind started to pick up her words. “I’m so excited!”

“I’m pretty sure Barbie and Ken are as well!” You said with a smile, playing along with her.

After a couple of minutes playing with Lily you were glad JJ wasn’t consuming your brain, playing with Lily did helped you get your thoughts straight and focus on what was important. It all seemed to be going back to normal, you weren’t thinking of what happened earlier, Lily and her funny game with her Barbies were definitely making you laugh, and the clock was getting closer to the end of the day, so you were definitely going back to your normal self, until you heard some steps getting inside the house.

“Hey, can I have another glass of water?” JJ asked standing next to the door. You looked up and him and slowly nodded, not opening your mouth. Without giving the opportunity to anything else to happen, you got up from where you were and walked to the kitchen. You heard the door closing and you sighed, glad that JJ didn’t followed you to the kitchen. You didn’t want to talk to him, you knew you were going to be your awkward self and probably embarrass yourself like you usually do, so better to avoid him and forget he even excited... if that’s even possible. You looked at the glass of water that you had now on your hand and stared at it for a couple of seconds. You didn’t want to go out and give it to him, so a better idea came into your head.

“Hey, sweetie,” you called Lily and seconds later she was in front of you with an innocent smile on her face. “can you take this to JJ?” She nodded and grabbed the glass of water before leaving the kitchen behind.

While waiting for her to come back, you closed your eyes when the last time you had JJ in front of you came back to your mind. Well, on top of you is the better choice for words. Your heart dropped to your stomach and the memory slowly came back to your eyes and the feeling of his breathing against your face. Not wanting to have that on your mind, you slapped yourself on the forehead with the palm of your hand. But that didn’t work at all, and what you saw when you opened your eyes didn’t help either.

“Hi.” He said while standing next to the kitchen entrance.

“Hi.” You said, surprised he was inside the house.

“My water?” He asked looking to your hand and noticing they weren’t holding anything.

You furrowed your eyebrows confused, trying to not think you telling Lily about JJ’s water was all your mind playing tricks on you. “I just sent Lily with a glass of water for you.”

“She said that you had it here.”

“What? Lily?” You called her but there was no response. “Lily!” You walked to the living room but she wasn’t there. Feeling your heart beating faster you walked outside hoping she was there. Once your eyes went over the entire front yard while your heart was slowly beating faster passing the seconds, your eyes finally landed on Lily, but that didn’t calmed you down, since she was standing right next to the pool. “What are you doing?”

“I want to take a swim!” She yelled once you started to walk towards her, followed by JJ.

“You don’t know how to swim! Your mom doesn’t let you in if she’s not here! Come back!”

“But I want to swim!”

“Lily you can’t! I’m pretty sure you will when your mom comes home.” You said but Lily didn’t respond you, instead she turned towards the pool. “Lily?” The moment she lifted her foot your heart dropped to your stomach. Your eyes followed her body falling inside the pool once she jumped and threw some water drops into the air, you saw it all like it happened in slow motion. “Lily!” You yelled like you never did before. You started running towards her ready to jump and grab her, but JJ being faster than you, with quick moves took off his boots and jumped into the pool.

Once inside, the water was making it difficult for you to fully see their movements. That was making your hands sweat and your heart to beat faster, it felt like it was going to jump out of your body. But then, you saw JJ’s head above the water, followed by Lily’s.

“WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?” You yelled once JJ left Lily’s body outside the pool. “Oh my god, you almost gave me a heart attack!” You patted her back while she was getting all the water outside from her body. You felt your heart getting heavy and slowing its speed while your breathing was letting out relief breaths.

“I’m sorry.” Lily said, once she stopped cuffing.

“Why- why would you do that Lily? You know you can’t swim!”

Lily looked up and JJ, who was breathing heavily with his body covered in water and his clothes sticking to his skin, but then she went back to looking at the floor. “I wanted- I wanted to be Anna.”

“What?” You asked confused.

“And I wanted JJ to be Kristoff.” As soon as she said those words you locked eyes with JJ, who seemed to understand the same thing as you on the same moment. Lily wanted to have a love like the characters of her favorite movie.

“Oh... Sweetie,” you kneeled down to be closer to her face. “And you thought that jumping into the pool when you can’t swim was going to make JJ your Kristoff because you wanted him to save you?”

She slowly nodded. “Yeah. And I- I also turned on the water earlier.”

“What?” You and JJ asked at the same time.

“The water for the grass- I did it.”

“Why?” JJ asked once you got up.

“And I broke the water tap. And I locked you two in the closet.” You opened your mouth surprised before looking at JJ, who was just as surprised as you.

“How?” He asked.

“Why would you do that?”

Lily shrugged her shoulders and that made JJ let out a tiny laugh while shaking his head.

“At least we know the house isn’t haunted.” He said, turning the conversation into something funny.

“You little devil.” You said, after letting the funny in the situation hit you.

“Are you gonna tell my mom?” Lily asked softly once she locked eyes with you.

“Lily, do you promise you won’t do it again?”

She quickly nodded with a smile. “I do.”

“Then this will be out little secret.”

“Thank you Y/n!” For the first time during those long hours, you felt like there was nothing else that could go wrong. You didn’t felt uncomfortable under JJ’s eyes, Lily was completely fine and JJ didn’t seem to bother that a little girl almost drowned for him... it all felt just alright. “And you calling JJ a major babe will be our little secret too!” Lily yelled and quickly added, noticing your cheeks go red and JJ letting out a grin once he locked eyes with you. “Oh, sorry.” Lily said softly.

“Shit.”

Well... it had to happen, just another thing going completely wrong.

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writella · 4 years

Text

Touch

Pairing: Luke Patterson x reader

Summary: Luke’s spirit is brought down by the pain he has caused his parents as well as the hardships that come from adoring you, a lifer. He craves your touch but his ghostly form keeps him from getting the thing he most desires to recieve.

Word Count: 1.7k

A/N: First fic! Sorry that it's kind of long. I don’t know if this would be considered “angsty” but it is kind of sad in the beginning but trust me it becomes really sweet at the end!

Julie and the Phantoms was such a good show. I loved how the writers and Charlie showed that despite how positive Luke was, he was harboring a lot of pain inside when it came to how he left him mom that he didn’t show anyone. This piece touches on that point a little bit more. If you would like to leave a review, that would be super appreciated. I’m sure there are a bunch of grammar errors anyway.

Luke came to you after he left Julie at his parents house. He told you about the song to his mom, about how his parents still celebrated his birthday after all these years. He told you about the grief he felt and how he felt like he had no one. You told him that he had you, and Julie, and the guys most importantly, that you were sure they missed their family members too. He admitted to you though, that both Alex and Reggie avoided talking about their family, it was one of the only things that they weren’t being honest about with each other. He said he couldn’t be the one to bring it up.

“I’m the strong one!” He explained. “If I don’t push them forward, they’ll fall apart. I have to be happy, I have to be okay so they-“

“It’s okay not to be okay all the time, Luke,” You interrupt him, then you send him a sympathetic smile as you come to a realization: “I didn’t know you put all this pressure on yourself... I’m sorry. Come here,” without thinking you motion him forward, arms reaching to grasp his back, only catching handfuls of air.

Luke gives you an exasperated laugh, in the heat of it all, he almost forgot for a second himself.

“Well, this is a strange little relationship we have, isn’t it?” Tears swipe down his cheek.

“Luke...” you didn’t know how to respond, you cursed yourself for making the situation worse.

“I’ll see you tomorrow. Or whenever. Alright?” His words were short as he forced a smile and disappeared from your sight.

You woke up from your haze and caught your eyes staring out the window, looking at the boy you were just thinking about. He sat on an old brown chair right next to the garage door. Julie took some down that hung from the garage ceiling a few nights ago for him. She said she got tired of seeing Luke crouching down on the concrete like a sad lost puppy.

“Why don’t you just stop avoiding him and finally go down there?” Julie sighs. “Maybe you’ll have better luck than me.”

“Than all of us.” Alex chimed in.

You were hesitant but as Julie pushed you to the door it seemed as if you had no choice.

“You’re our only hope.” Reggie said with a sad smile, echoing a quote from his favorite franchise.

As you walked toward Luke, his gaze on the night sky never faltered.

“You don’t have to say anything... Just want to be with you. Alright?” You said softly as you sat down on the chair next to him. You decided you were only going to keep him company, not dwell on what happened. You remembered what he said about always having to be the strong one, you guessed that’s what you were trying to do now.

He only slightly nodded, not wanting to look you in the eye. He was surprised you’d finally come. Everyone, Reggie, Alex, and Julie had come to sit with him from time to time, getting nothing out of him. He sort of wished you finally would show up but now that you’re here, he couldn’t say anything despite how much he wanted to. He tried to urge the words to his tongue but his apprehension kept them stuck inside his brain. He bounced his knee, his frustration as well as your closeness was getting to him.

He knew he shouldn’t have been ignoring you, you must’ve felt as bad as he did but he needed some time to think. Maybe just a day, he reasoned, just to go through the motions by himself and then wake up going back to his easy going self again the next morning. This is what he told himself, yes, but then a day became another, and then another.

It surprised him, how out of it he was. Usually, it was so easy for him to find the courage to remain optimistic but right now he just felt like a disappointment. He was usually able to thrive upon this fact, a 90s misfit, nowhere to go but up. He loved the idea that one day his band’s talent would shine so brightly everyone would have no choice but to see their beauty. And it didn’t come from anger, Luke was never a resentful person, it came from a place of purity. He wanted his music to make people feel connected; understood, just like it had for him. Or like it has for him up until now. He hadn't been able to play in days.

The bittersweet melody of Unsaid Emily became the mantra that invaded his brain this past week. Every time the song came to an end, his mind replayed the lyrics again, and again; an endless loop. And with that came the images of his parents, blowing out a birthday candle with misty tears in their eyes, thinking of their boy they believed they lost forever. And then there was you, of course. The prettiest girl he’d ever seen, who laughed at his confusing metaphors, and built him up when he was feeling down which was something he usually had to do for others. Ever since he met you, you were there for him in a way no one else had been. The thought almost relieved his pain. Could this truly be love? He had dated around before but never had he been in a real relationship. After finding the guys, the band was all he thought about, the only connection he felt he needed. Plus, he just had to prove to his mom that he could make it, and that took all of his attention. Another mistake, he thought.

Once again he revisits the memory of your arms going through him. Not only could he never apologize to his parents but he couldn’t even love one of the only people on Earth who could actually see him the way he wanted to. Never had he felt so completely helpless. He wanted you to know that he didn’t want to give up. He needed you to know that you were enough, but he was fearful to try anything despite how desperately he wanted touch. He even counted the ways he could do it in his head: perhaps he’d lightly stroke your knee, softly rub his thumb on your intertwined hands, maybe brush your hair behind your ear with his fingers lingering till he felt the last strand of hair slip away. Or maybe, just maybe, he’d even give you the softest kiss. One so pure and light, because while he was a ghost, he thought of you as an angel and he believed an angel deserved a touch just as delicate, but he couldn’t. He was dead.

It had been an hour of you two sitting in silence. You stared at him and sighed. You thought he was beautiful. You could go on endlessly about the physicality of that beauty but what really tugged on your heart was what was inside. His mind, his body, his soul, that was bound in optimism. You’d never seen anything like it. Right from when Julie met him, she told you, he put the realization of being dead, of being a ghost, behind him just to help her become a part of the music program again, giving her the words of encouragement, it’s a closed door, but you’ve gotta bust it open!

You felt terrible that you were a part of the reason why his spirit was currently crushed. You desperately wanted touch. You wanted him to know you were there for him but you knew words weren’t enough.

Screw it, you thought. You were going to try again and even if it didn’t work you were ready to tell him that you didn’t care, that seeing was all you needed to be with him. You wanted him to know that you weren’t giving up. You needed him to know that he was enough, fear wasn’t going to stop you.

You reached for his knee. Trying to touch the tips of his hand that laid there with yours, ready for the sensation of air to swoosh between your fingertips but then, just then, you... felt. First it was the tips of nails, then fingers, and as he turned his hand, eyes bulging wide, you felt his palm. You held it there for a second, soon sliding your palms together, you intertwined your fingers with his. You were actually holding hands.

Luke’s mouth went agape and you met his eyes, sharing the same look of disbelief. Seeing a tear roll down the right side of his face you realized your emotions mirrored his as one dripped down on the left side of yours. He wiped it away with his thumb, gripping your face a little more roughly than he intended to, the excitement apparent in his shaky hands.

He soon loosened his grip, now caressing your cheek, creating friction as he rubbed back and forth, replacing the chill of the night air on your skin with warmth. His fingers, then moved to your chin, then he poked your nose, brushed his fingertips against your eyelashes, till he finally rolled them against your lips, slowly. He couldn’t believe he felt you. The feeling was something even a dream couldn’t conjure up, something that even he couldn’t describe in a lovely song lyric; this was perfection; this was, indeed, love.

This revelation brought with it courage and with that he finally willed himself up off that chair and yanked your arm that was connected to your still intertwined hands with it and at once you became one with a hug. One so fierce and tight you couldn’t breath, his arms crushing your shoulders, his hands caressing your head, his fingers falling on the strands of your hair.

With one arm still around you, he moved one of his hands against your cheek once more, connecting his forehead to yours. You both relished in the closeness, breathing each other in.

“If I ever cross over, I bet this is what heaven feels like,” he said in a soft whisper, finally breaking the silence, but only adding to the moment’s loveliness. “I think you’re connected to my soul.”

Thank you for reading!

#luke patterson x reader #luke jatp x reader #julie and the phantoms #julie and the phantoms imagine #julie and the phantoms fic #my work #luke patterson #luke jatp #sunset curve #luke patterson fic #luke patterson imagine #luke jatp imagine #luke jatp fic #touch starve #touch starved #touch starve! luke #touch starved! luke

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miyuwuki · 3 years

Note

Can we get adult: mei and kazuya reacting to a s/o who is clingy when sleeping ? Like the boys are peacefully sleeping but they suddenly woke up with a heavy weight in their chest. They thought they are having sleeping paralysis (which is a scary experience. Like you are 100% awake but you can't move at all. Sometimes you can't breath well because you feel heavy weight on your chest 😭) but it turns out that weight belongs to their s/o who is 90% sleeping on top of them .. comfortably 😂. Bonus points if they are also a sleeping fighter 😂. Like they kick sometimes or throw some punch😂. For some reason i think mei sleeps like that. Moves around alot or sleeps like a star fish, at least when he was younger. 😂🖤

nah cus this is the cutest submission i’m so excited to write this!

warnings: mentions of sleep paralysis

adult!miyuki kazuya x reader, adult!narumiya mei x reader

heavy sleeper

miyuki kazuya:

shit, i can’t breathe.

miyuki stayed still, fearing to open his eyes of what could possibly be on top of him. he’s had his fair share of sleep paralysis in the past due to his unhealthy sleeping schedule back in high school—waking up bright and early to practice and staying out into the inhuman hours of the night. he knew what it felt like to not have control over your body and feel like you were buried under a thousand bricks; and even sometimes, see shadowy figures and paranormal things. but all of that went away once he met you. your presence throughout the night has helped him get better sleep, and ever since then he had no problems with sleep paralysis.

which left him frightened, because if it came back with you next to him, what will make it go away?

it’s getting hard to breathe, he thought, his breaths starting to stagger. he tried moving his fingers and toes— a technique he used whenever he knew he was caught in sleep paralysis— but they moved perfectly fine. he had full control of his body, which made him confused of what could be pressuring him down like this. y/n’s still here, right?

without any second thoughts, miyuki opened his eyes, preparing himself to see whatever demon was messing with him. but to his surprise,

that demon was you.

half of your body was on top of miyuki’s, your chest against his and your face planted in the pillow beside miyuki. your arms were spread across his body and your legs were tangled with his. from an outsider’s perspective, it looked like those twisted cookies, or even a knot in a shoelace. miyuki laughed, partially at you, but mostly at himself, feeling idiotic to think that he would ever get sleep paralysis again with you by his side.

“y/n, you’re on top of me, i can’t breathe,” he whispered, slowly patting your head. you gripped onto him tighter, not waking up. he didn’t want to wake you up— you looked so peaceful and vulnerable, and so stupidly comfortable; so instead, miyuki sighed and placed gentle kiss on top of your head.

“i guess you can stay like this if you want, dummy.” he softly pulled your whole body on top of him and wrapped his arms around your torso, reaching under your shirt (or his shirt) and rubbed small circles on your bare lower back. he felt more comfortable like this, and you sure did too, because you started snoring, letting out a couple “kazuya’s” in between. he let out a sigh of relief, finally able to breathe again, and stretched his arm over to the light stand to grab his phone. he went to the camera app and took a picture of you, just so he can have this moment forever.

“goodnight, y/n.” and with that, miyuki fell into a deep slumber, dummy happy with you in his arms.

that is, until you accidentally slapped him awake in the morning when you were stretching.

narumiya mei:

should i go pee, or not?

narumiya grumbled, stuck in the dilemma of whether or not he should go pee in the middle of the night when he was already so comfortable. he cursed at himself for getting such a nice bed with silky sheets and pillows, thinking that it were those things that was holding him back from peeing. they’re so fucking comfy! he thought.

he also didn’t want to wake you up; you haven’t been getting the best sleep lately since you just started your new job, and he wanted you to get a good amount of rest as you could. but damn did he need to release his bladder, and he needed to go quick or else his pee will go somewhere else other than the toilet.

as he was about to get up, he suddenly felt a huge weight on his chest, pushing him down firmly on the bed. narumiya froze, staying still for a moment before having an internal panic attack. he remembered back in inashiro when itsuki would tell him stories about sleep paralysis and the details that came along with it; how you couldn’t feel your own body, how sometimes you’d hear screeching or screaming, or worst of all, how you’d open your eyes to see a figure hovering over you. narumiya took it in as bullshit back then, but now, he’s regretting that he ever underestimated itsuki.

his breathing started to uneven, making it harder and harder to inhale and exhale each time. the only thing he could feel is his bladder, and if he didn’t make it to the washroom soon, he would wet the bed— and that’s the last thing he wants. but then, he remembered another thing itsuki said about sleep paralysis,

mei-san, if you move your fingers or toes, you can get out of sleep paralysis! the moment you feel like you have control over your body is the minute you get out!

and so that’s what narumiya did; he wiggled his fingers and toes, hoping for the pressure to go away so he can get up and use the restroom. but he felt the control and felt it moving, so why can’t he get up?

all of a sudden, he felt a sharp pain in his eye and jerked his head up, bringing a hand to rub where it hurt.

“ouch!” he hissed, still rubbing it. is the demon trying to fight me? i’ll show it a piece of my damn mind!

he opened his eyes, not to a demon but to you; your body was on half of his and your hand remained on his face. you were the pressure that was on his chest. you were the one who poked his eye. and for this, narumiya woke you up.

“y/n,” he said, softly shaking you, “you poked my eye.”

your eyes fluttered open, your surroundings hazy and clouded, “mei? what time is it?” you asked, stretching your arms wide. narumiya dodged the hand that ws about to hit him and whined, “you’re so heavy, y/n. and you poked my eye while you were sleeping. i need to pee so get off of me.”

you looked at your position and laughed at him, rolling off, “oops, sorry mei. i was just having a really good sleep. you’re so comfy.” narumiya ears perked at this, smiling cunningly to the fact that he was the reason to your peaceful rest. he almost felt bad for waking you up from your slumber, but gosh did he need to use the washroom. “i’m going to go pee and you can cuddle up against me when i come back, okay?” he said, getting up from the bed.

“i’ll be waiting.” you yawned, smiling at him.

EEEEE I HOPE YOU LIKED THIS, ANON! this was so fun to write, a lot of crack and fluff hehe. enjoy the rest of your day my love <3 thank you!

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redhairedfeistynerd · 3 years

Text

Slush and a Side of Toys

Part 1

A/N: I'm months behind on everything but here is my piece for @sweater-daddiesdumbdork and @sagechanoafterdark Winter/Holiday Festival Challenge. I chose #38 donating toys to children.

Pairing: Chris Evans x reader

Warnings: 18+, SMUT, angst, frustrated reader, swearing, alcohol

Words: 5800+

Part 2 will be up soon!!

Please like, comment and reblog. I appreciate it and thanks for reading.

All mistakes are my own

A reminder - my work is not to be reposted anywhere.

There’s a muffled humming coming from somewhere under a pile of paperwork and takeout containers on your floor. The sound is constant, piercing, and irritating. Eyes still closed, head pounding from an evening of too much wine and schmoozing, you reached down towards the sounds and ran your hands over the stack, following the vibrations of your phone. Once found, you yanked it away from it charging cord and used every ounce of energy you had, pulling the phone close to your face. Opening one eye a sliver to hide from the light, you read from the bright screen.

Hey, listen, I know we've had our differences the last few years but I think it's time we put all of it behind us. I saw Rosie the other day and asked her how you were doing but she kept it pretty vague. I hope to hear from you soon, even if it's only a text to say you’re doing okay.

Reading over the message a second time, in utter shock that he had the audacity to message you and pissed that he even dare ask your friend about how you were; you decided to turn off your phone and toss it into a pile of clothing on the floor.

What. A. Dick.

Rolling back over into your cozy blanket cocoon, falling back asleep, temporarily pushing away any thoughts of the man from your past.

The message was all but forgotten until later that day when a familiar song came on the radio and you couldn’t help but think about how you had both downed several beers at a pub and sang it at the top of your lungs. Maybe it had been a dream earlier and the text never happened. Pulling your phone from your back pocket, hoping it was all your imagination, you indeed saw that there was a text.

The ever-so-hard to escape blue eyed man, was trying to weasel his way back into your life and you weren't having any of it. Dropping the phone into the bag sitting at your feet, getting up from the desk, shaking out a bit to ease the tension that one tiny text had accumulated.

"Don't think about him. Don't think about him. Don't think about him," you repeated the words over and over, hoping to push all thoughts aside. In stocking feet, walking around the small hole you called your office and continued to shake it out. The calm didn’t last as long as you hoped, anger slowly creeping up and out.

"Stupid frikkin guy!! UGH!" The sound of your disgruntled cry, shook you a bit, the frustration clearly coming out louder than expected. "All right, settle yourself down, you can't let him have this sort of pull over you," hoping the self-talk would work, you ran your hand through your hair and walked back to the desk. "Delete it, pretend that you never looked at it and it will go away."

There was no way the struggle going on inside your head would even fathom deleting the text. Truth be told, as much as you cursed and hated the thought of him trying to slide back into your life, there wasn’t a month that went by without a thought of him crossing your mind. A song playing, a Romcom from the 90s, the pizza you both loved so much. Why couldn’t you escape him?

You shot off a quick text to Rosie, curiosity was killing you now, itching inside you, desperate to find out how the hell you had come up in conversation.

Y/N -Word on the street is that you ran into a clown I once knew; I’m curious what was said.”

Rosie: Oh no, he didn’t.

Y/N: He did and it was pathetic

Rosie: It was a super quick interaction. Both of us waiting for a coffee and being friendly. He asked about you almost right off the bat though. It almost rendered me speechless after what happened.

Y/N - So, that’s it? What did you say? Did you tell him how fantastic my life is going and that I probably wouldn’t even remember him?

Rosie: you and I both know, that that’s a load of shit. I’ve had wine nights with you, that man-child has never left that brain of yours.

Y/N Shut up.

Rosie: Really though, it was super quick. I said you were doing charity work and were still in the city, happy and healthy.

Y/N- good to know. I’ll just sit here and pretend his message never happened then. Carry on as usual.

Rosie: see you later this week?

Y/N Definitely, bye babe.

Placing your phone down on your desk, you continued opening your mail: thank you cards for volunteering, appreciation notes from parents and kids, and requests for you to help out at other groups around town. The next month would be hectic, with collecting the many donations from around the city. You had to finish training several new volunteers that would assist with wrapping, delivering, and presenting gifts to the charities and individual families that you helped support during the Winter months.

It became a mechanical process, opening envelope after envelope, that you weren’t paying attention to the return addresses. It wasn’t until you read the first few lines that the letterhead caught your eye and did it burn.

Blue-eyed monster strikes again via his mother.

You knew it wasn’t the case though, his mom, was offering a bursary to some of the kids you helped out and she was reaching out to you and other groups in the city to help.

It didn’t take much to pull your mind from work once you had read the Evans name on the letter. Bits and pieces shifted in your mind; you couldn’t fight it any more today. The letter slipped to the floor and you sat back against your desk, the memories that you had been pushing away, were flooding back.

It all started innocently about three years ago, bumping into one another around town, having several acquaintances that knew each other, and a tendency to make the other smile when the lamest dad jokes were thrown around. His face was incredibly animated and you loved the way his eyebrows would jump up while he spoke, there was mischief behind them that you wanted to discover. Even a quick peek, would ease the curiosity.

You recognized that laugh from across the room of the gallery – full of heart and genuine. Turning around, you spotted Chris mingling with other attendees of the charity event. You were here to help raise money for low-income families in the community that could not afford music lessons or music therapy for their children. The profits from the art sold this evening, would help buy instruments for the school that was set to open the following month. You knew Chris had donated and you had volunteered to help teach the parents with baby's groups every second weekend. It was the least you could do, you had a bit of extra time and needed to give back to the community that helped you and your family out during your childhood.

“How did I know you would be here?”

You must have zoned out thinking about that boisterous laugh that you didn’t see Chris walking over to you. You smiled as he leaned in wrapping one arm around you, a beer being held in his other hand. His smell was intoxicating – a mixture of orange and the woodiness of sandalwood. Would it be wrong if you pulled him closer to take a quick whiff before he pulled away?

He took his time moving back from you, winking as his arm shifted back to his side and lifting the beer to his mouth with the other, take a long sip.

“So, you out here to buy some art?” he asked, taking another drink.

“No, not buying tonight. One of the pieces is mine, I donated it to help out.”

“You have something up for sale here?” He questioned, taking a quick spin around to quickly look at all the art hanging around the gallery. “Which one is yours?”

“Oh, I am NOT telling you that. I think I’ll leave it up to you to figure out which one is mine. You can play the role of Sherlock Holmes.”

“Now, that’s just cruel.”

“Cruel? Nah. Mysterious? Yes. Are you up for a little game of 5 questions to help you out? If you can guess which one is mine, then I guess you have bragging rights because I haven’t discussed my art with anyone here. If you don’t figure it out, then I suppose it will be a mystery forever.”

“Oh, I KNOW I’ll be able to figure this out!” Chris says loudly, clapping his hands together and popping each shoulder up and down. “I’m always up for a challenge.”

“Here’s the deal, you ask me whatever you need to to figure out which one is mine. Obviously, you can’t ask which one is mine as one of your questions. Ready?”

“Ready!” Chris said enthusiastically. He took your hand and brought you to the front of the room to observe the first of the paintings. “Let’s take a quick gander and then I’ll start. How does that sound to you?”

“Whatever you need to do, Evans.”

Chris pulled you from canvas to canvas, still holding your hand as he inspected each piece. “First question. “Did you only use paint for the one you donated?”

“NOPE, next question, Evans!”

“Okay, okay, I got this,” he bounced around on the spot and turned his head to quickly glance over the works close to him. “Shit, I guess I should have asked if what you donated was a painting, right?”

You walk a circle around Chris “Is that your question?” you ask, eyebrow raised.

His blue eyes flick quickly to yours before he says, “Ya, actually...ya. That’s what I want to know. Did you submit a painting?”

“Yes, one of my paintings is hanging somewhere in one of these giant rooms.”

“You really don’t think that I’m capable of figuring this out, do you? Ye of little Faith,” he smirked and pulled you to the back of the dark room. “Any reason why it’s so dark back here?”

“Maybe that’s what the artist wanted?”

“Here’s question three then,” he said as he pulled you closer to him, your eyes looking into his as he asked. “Is you painting in the dark room?”

“Is that really what you want to ask me?”

Chuckling, you take hold of his hand and lead him to another section of the gallery. “I don’t want you to miss any pieces, so take a look around here before you ask number three.” He squeezed your hand and looked up, the ceiling adorned with a beautiful piece; birds in flight but as they reached the furthest wall, the began to decay, until only single feathers remained.

“Here’s number three, ready?” He looked to his left where you were nodding your head back. “Did you mainly use your hands for this piece? I mean, instead of brushes or other tools.”

You were silent for a moment before answering, did you want to tell him how much of yourself you had put into this piece? That what the brushes couldn’t do, you did with your hands and arms? “I did. This one needed more than brushes.”

Chris smiled at you, “feel like telling me what else you used?”

“Not a chance,” you said, grabbing a glass of white wine from the tray passing by. “You want a glass?”

Chris held up his bottle, its content revealing that it was still half full. “I think I have a pretty good idea which one is yours, so these last two questions are going to be good.” With two large gulps, he finished up the rest of his beer. “So, what happens when I guess, do I get some sort of prize? Maybe you could paint me or something?”

“If you mean, could I dump a bucket of paint over your cocky head, then, sure!”

Chris burst out laughing, pulling you into him for a squeeze. “I love how you make me laugh and I bet you would actually do that to me. But really, if I do guess, what happens?”

You kept your body close to his, his arm still holding you close as you responded, “what do you think would be suitable prize, Chris? Do you want me to paint something, make you a prince? Maybe something of you and Dodger? Or maybe I could paint your like one of my French girls.”

“I would love one of your pieces, but if I win this, I’d like to take you out. Is that okay with you?”

Your grip tightened around the wine glass, trying not to let it slip to the floor. It was a shock, to hear that this man, one that you had flirted with for months, was asking if you wanted to go out with him.

“Y/N?”

“Sorry, I... I didn’t expect you to ask me that,” you answered, fidgeting with your hands out of awkwardness.

“It’s ok, you can say no! It’s all right to tell me no.”

“No. No. I’d love that. If you can guess which one is mine, I will gladly go out with you. Dinner, drinks, walk – whatever you like.”

Chris placed his empty beer on the table closest to you. “Ready for my last two questions?”

“As ready as one can be.”

“Is your piece hung on the wall as a landscape?”

“Look at you Evans, you got another one.”

Chris rubbed his hands together, his smile wide and full, clearly showing that he was on a winning streak. “Here’s number four and then I’ll go right to the painting I think, the painting I know it is. Chris walked back and forth in front of you before turning to face you with his last question. You had grabbed another glass of wine and took a sip, waiting for his winning question. “Does your piece use more than black and white? – so many of these photos, sculptures, paintings are very monotone.”

“You’re good Evans and yes, I filled my picture with the rainbow. So, take my hand and show me what the answer to this mystery is.”

His warm hand took your free one and he walked you to one of the side rooms – this room was full of colourful pieces. You could feel the heat flushing across your cheeks and a thin layer of sweat formed at your hairline. Chris stopped and turned towards the back wall and pointed to one of the paintings. “I’m pretty sure this one is yours,” he said with a half-smile. “Am I right?”

You had wished, during those few minutes he had suggested that he take you out, that he would guess which one is yours. But what were the chances with over 40 pieces around you? You tried to keep your body from slouching before you softly answered “No. That’s not mine.”

The happiness in his eyes left quickly once you responded.

“Are you going to tell me which one is yours though?” He asked you eagerly.

“No, I think I’m going to keep that secret to myself. Thanks for the fun, Evans, I should get home. Another day of charity work for me tomorrow.”

“Wait, Y/N, I’d still like to take you out though, will you let me do that, please?”

“I guess we’ll have to see what the future brings,” you replied, giving him a little wink and a squeeze to his hand, you took one last sip of your wine before heading to the coat check.

Chris watched you as you wrapped a scarf around your neck and slipped your arms into the long, wool coat. Walking back over to him and wrapping your arms around him, it was a quick hug and he barely had an arm around you before you were stepping back. With a smile on your face, you turned and stepped out into the night. Chris watched as you turned right and glanced his way, your hand lifting up and into a quick wave. He couldn’t stop smiling and knew he had to see you again.

It didn’t take long for that to happen. You couldn’t get him out of your thoughts and dreams after the encounter at the gallery. He really was something; funny, compassionate, a hard worker, and you couldn’t deny that he was incredibly good looking.

After an event in town and a few drinks later, it was easy as pie, asking him over for dinner. He had initially thought you were pulling his leg.

Chris couldn’t stop laughing. "Oh ya, sure you want me to come over for dinner," laughing at your request and taking a sip of his IPA.

The pink that had flushed across your cheeks when you had shyly asked him was disappearing like an ice cube in hot soup. He picked up on the change immediately and apologized profusely. "I didn't think you were serious! You are serious, right?”

"Why wouldn't I be? It's just dinner," you shrugged. “I don’t see why you would have such a dramatic response to a simple question.” There was an awkwardness now and maybe you shouldn’t have asked him to come over. “Sorry, I thought since we kind of hand a friendship blooming and I tend to invite friends over...”

He took hold of your arm and pulled you into his chest, a big smile across his face. “I'll come by; don’t you worry. Which day this week works for you? I'll be out of state after this week for a bit, so hopefully something the next few days will work for you,” he said, squeezing you a bit before he released his hold on you.

Trying not to be awkward, you responded "This week will definitely work, tomorrow or the next day are open for me."

"Let’s go for tomorrow, okay? Would you like me to bring anything?” Chris smiled

“Be sure to bring the dog, he's the one I'm really inviting.”

"Well, fat chance of me coming by now, I see where your allegiances lie, " he said half closing his eyes and glaring at you in a teasing manner.

"Ok then, just drop the dog off, I'm sure he'll enjoy the feast."

Chris couldn't help laugh at the way you were carrying on with this charade. The half-smile that was currently on your face was one full of mischief and it was something that he had come to enjoy the last few times he had run into you around town. He could see a sparkle in your eyes, something that he didn’t notice before today and it was something, that he could get used to.

“A thought crossed my mind... what exactly would have happened if I had guessed right?”

“Since that didn’t happen, I guess you’ll never know,” you said with a shrug and nudged him with your shoulder.

“You sure like to tease me.”

“What exactly am I teasing you over?”

“The opportunity to be in your presence again,” he replied, a slight blush crossing his cheeks.

Finishing up your drink, you placed the glass back on the cardboard coaster and turned to face him.

“What the hell is THIS?” he asked grabbing at the green monster type thing that was hanging from a lamp in your living room

"That, is a flying frog - one of those weird ass dad gifts - he's always finding these peculiar creatures for me and I can't seem to part with them.

"It's sure ugly"

"You're ugly!” You shouted back at him and burst into the most beautiful smile he had seen cross your face.

"What are you, 12?

"Sometimes,” you replied.

Chris couldn’t help but laugh at you and pull you into a quick side hug. "You're a funny one" he feels you squeeze him back softly, a smile crossing his face at the quick interaction.

"I better go take a peek in the oven and make sure everything is baking the way it should. Make yourself cozy, I'll be right back." You looked back to him, pointing at the couches before turning and walking down the hallway to the kitchen. Turning you head back, forgetting to offer him a drink but his long strides had brought him right behind you quickly, almost colliding with your body. He tripped up a bit and moved his hand to your hip to catch himself.

"I want to see what you're up to in here, see what the chef is cooking up.” Chris resting his chin on your shoulder to peek at what you were stirring on the stove.

“You couldn’t sit still and wait for me to come back, did you miss me that much,” you teased.

“I couldn’t stand to be apart from you for a second longer.”

“That is the cheesiest lines, Evans. Does shit like that work for you?”

“What matters is, if it’s working on you. So, is it?”

You hummed, refusing to answer the question and carried on taking care of the food in the oven. Satisfied with how everything looked, you turned the timer back on and offered Chris a drink. Agreeing on wine, you pulled a bottle from the rack, passed the stemless glasses to Chris, grabbed his hand, and lead him back into the other room. Sitting on the larger of your two couches, Chris took a place beside you, taking the bottle from your hand, opening the bottle, and pouring you a generous glass before pouring his own.

“To friendship,” he said raising his glass

“To friendship, good food, and drinks,” you added and brought your glass to his, a quick clink, and sips were taken.

Dinner was ready within the hour and you both continued to chat while enjoying your meal.

“That was one of the best meals I’ve had in a long time, thank you”, complimented Chris as he wiped his mouth with the napkin when he had finished his last bite.

The compliment brought the feeling of heat to your face and out of awkwardness you almost knocked your glass over as you reached for the wine.

“Want a refill?” You asked, holding up the second bottle of red that night. “You have good taste in wine, Mr. Evans, this wine is top notch,” you said, looking over the label of the wine he had brought with him.

Chris smirked and slid the glass to his left “I’m glad you think so, I’ll definitely have another. This should probably be the last one though, I feel like I’m overstaying my welcome.” He watched as you poured, your hair falling forward as the wine glass filled. “Cheers, thank you for the invite and many thanks for a delicious meal. You are constantly surprising me with your talents.”

“You aren’t overstaying. I’m enjoying your company and don’t want you to leave yet. Here, let me show you what I’m working on for this year’s event,” you said and pulled your phone out of your dress pocket and slid your finger across the screen. Shifting your body across the cushions toward Chris, you held the phone out towards him.

“What is it you are putting on this year?”

“Another charity event, it’s to help out the single parents that live in the community. I try to donate as much time to charities as possible.”

“You have a heart of gold.”

“I want everyone to have a special holiday season, you do it. I see that you donate time and money to charities.”

“I have the means to help and giving back is extremely important to me.” Chris looked through a few more of the photos before placing the phone down next to him on the couch.

Reaching over to take her phone, Chris put his hand over yours and slid closer. “I know you always think I’m joking around with you when I say how much I love seeing you smile but I’m being 100% honest. Your smile is contagious and I feel like it lights up anywhere we are. It’s a beautiful smile and its part of why I’m so attracted to you.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at him. “Oh shush, you!” you said pushing your hand into his chest, your smile wider than he had seen before. Again, he put his hand over yours and pulled you to him gently with his other hand. He brought you close, enough to hold you against him for a hug. He watched as your eyes tried to find a joke hidden in his face but you quickly realized that there was something else there. You weren’t sure who moved first as your lips met quickly enough that your teeth clacked together and you swore in pain.

“Oh fuck, only I would ruin an almost perfect moment. I’m such an-

He pulled you to his lips again, kissing you softly and trying not to laugh at the look on your face.

“Am I a joke to you, Evans?” you asked, kissing him back on the lips.

“Oh, not at all, I didn’t want to have to explain to people we know how I broke your teeth though. I mean, I could make up some ridiculous story about it, could be fun,” he chuckled.

You couldn’t help but throw your head back and laugh, bringing yourself back up to face Chris and pull him by his shirt towards you and kissing him without any stupid errors. You could taste the wine on him, the sweetness adding to the softness of your kiss. He took the lead, pulling you closer and slipping his tongue delicately across your bottom lip before deepening the kiss.

Your eyes opened when you hear Chris let out a soft moan, not expecting to hear such a sound from him before you could emit one. He did it again and you felt it all the way down your spine and into your soul. Your hands, still in idiot mode, found their way to his hair, and were quickly taking apart his well-coiffed hair by running your hands through it.

“How does your hair smell so damn incredible?

“How do you taste so fucking delicious?

You pulled back, staring him in the eyes “Hmm, maybe you need to taste a bit more, clean that palate of yours,” you teased.

“Are you implying...”

“Not implying, the buffet is open, sir. Dig in.”

Chris’s face went a light shade of red.

“Oh, did I catch you off guard, Casanova?”

“I mean, no... no...’ he stumbled, “OK, fine yes, yes you did.”

“Well, now that you know, let’s get back to business. All right?”

You took control, standing up, taking his hand roughly and leading him to your bedroom.

“I want you to take off my clothing, piece by piece. I want to see it on the floor and,” you said placing her finger on his lips, “no more talking,” you ordered.

“Anything you want,” he whispered into your ear and he ran his tongue down your neck so softly, that goosebumps raised over yours arms. His hands wandered from your shoulders and down your arms, taking hold of your hands and moving them to his belt buckle.

Looking up to him, he nodded, silently urging you. Undoing the belt and still staring into his eyes. Moving to unzip his jeans and push the button away, Chris was unzipping the back of your dress, the cool line of metal touching your back as he drew the zipper down the length of your back.

“You have goosebumps, do I need to warm you up?

“I’m hoping you get to that. Now, what did I say about talking?”

He smirked, pushing the dress down each shoulder until it dropped to the floor. Stepping out of it, you kicked it off with one foot, tossing it towards the wall. Chris’s hands were already roaming, his hands on your hips, fingers sliding into the thin elastic of your panties. His hands slipped across your warm flesh and directly to your cheeks, grabbing each one and squeezing, and pulling you closer to him. His lips were pressed into yours, his tongue back to searching for yours as he wrapped his arms around you and brought you to your bed. Gently, he sat you on the edge and leaned into you bringing you down to the mattress.

His kisses ran down your sternum and across the soft skin of your breasts while his hands ran across the tops, gently running his fingers over your nipples.

“Keep doing that, keep... keep touching my breasts, Chris.”

You could feel him pressing into you, his erection, warm and pushing against your core.

His hands squeezed your left breast while he brought his mouth down to your right, taking the nipple into his mouth, gently sucking it. Running his tongue around the bud, a chill running across your arms and a moan escaping your lips.

“I need to be in you now, please, y/n,” he said, kissing up your chest.

“In the drawer, condoms are there and hurry the hell up, Evans, I’ve waited forever for it to rain and fill up the well.”

He chuckled as he crawled over you, limbs knocking yours, a soft hand slapped across his ass, as you watched him open the nightstand drawer, which got stuck in his effort to hurry. “Come on Evans, you got this,”

“A little self-talk over there to get you motivated?”

Chris smiled as he held up the package and smiled at you before sitting on the edge of the bed to roll the condom down his hard length. He was on you again, returning quickly, his lips pressing against yours. His lips, wet and warm, pushed harder against your mouth as he pushed your legs further apart, taking himself in his hand, rubbing across your wetness and pushing halfway. The groan that escaped his mouth while his tongue continued to touch yours, sent a tingling sensation down your body.

“Chris, please...” you started to plead and before you could continue, he finished pressing himself into you with a grunt.

“Come on baby, show me how well you can move,” he said as he licked a strip across your neck.

Wrapping your arms around his neck and shifting your body against his, you let out a wail. Your bodies moved together, the pace quick, the sounds of your wetness echoing throughout your room.

“Listen to the sounds we’re making, baby,” Chris panted and drove deeper into you. His body was incredibly warm against yours, the sweat making his chest glisten in what light crept in from the hallway.

Chris slipped his hand down and his fingers met your warmth, crawling in to press against your clit. You clenched around him; a low moan escaped his mouth as he continued his movements.

“A bit more, a bit more,” you groaned, your back arching as Chris sped up. You looked up at him and reached your hand up to his face, holding on and staring into his blue eyes as you felt the tingling ball up within.

Faster than expected and with one last swipe of his fingers, your orgasm spread out from within. Your shoulders tingled, spreading down to your fingers as you yelped out, the warmth of pleasure flowing down and across your body. Chris had shifted to move into you, helping your orgasm along as his own shuddering began. His lips were pressed into your neck, your name crossing his lips as he slowed his pace, and leaned onto one of his arms. He continued kissing up your neck and met your lips, heavy breaths escaping from both of your mouths.

“You’re incredible Y/N. Incredible.” One more kiss was pressed to your lips before Chris sat up, heading to the bathroom. You watched the light turn on and the door close behind him. You rolled to your side; a smile of satisfaction crossed your face as you closed your eyes.

Your heart jumped when you were woken by blankets being pulled half off of your naked body. It took you a few seconds to realize that a man, a very handsome man, was sleepy peacefully beside you. Turning to face his back and shimmying closer, you pulled the blanket to cover your shoulders and back. His muscular back stared at you and you couldn’t help but raise your hand to the pale skin, bringing your fingertip to his warm skin and drawing lines to connect each freckle.

“You, know, that feels incredible, please don’t stop,” Chris asked, his words muffled into the pillows.

You continued using his back as your canvas; swans, sunrises, all the beautiful pieces of the world this man helped you see.

Pushing back into you Chris spoke, “I’m going to be away next week, so I’m hoping I can see you again before I head out of town?”

Your fingers drew the word yes on his shoulder in response. Chris turned over to face you, pulling you closer to him for a soft kiss. When he pulled back you couldn’t help but smile and pulled him in for something a bit more passionate.

Bags packed and his dog set to stay with his family, he walked by the room Scott was in. “Hey, I’m heading out, the car is almost here. Give me a hug for the road.” His younger brother stood up and embraced him, giving him a few pats on the back and wishing him well for his short trip. “Will I see you when I get back or you heading back home?”

“I’m pretty sure I’ll be around still. Mom wants me to stay in town a bit longer. You okay if I’m still free loading off of you a bit longer than planned?”

“You know you’re more than welcome to stay,” he said as his phone chimed from his pocket. “Cars here. Take care of the fam and Dodger for me.” His brother gave him a smile and Chris grabbed his coat and carry-on from the table before heading to the front of the house. Dammit, he had forgotten to remind Scott again about what they had discussed earlier that day. “Scott, make sure you get that message to Y/N, okay? This schedule change was pretty last minute.” He shut the door before he heard a response from his brother. The driver held the door open for him and collected his bags to place in the trunk. He couldn’t get you out of his mind on the way to the airport; your smile, the scent of your hair, the warmth of your naked skin pressed against his. He couldn’t wait to be next to you again.

#chris evans #chris evans x reader #chris evans x you #chris evans rpf #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans fic #writing challenge #ssholidaychallenge #redwrites

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hopefullystillatheatrestudent · 3 years

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this might be a weird thought but the way jensen performs masculinity (and i KNOW it’s a performance cause like, have you SEEN the mockumentary?) is just.... so inherently queer to me lmao

ok. okokokokokok. you asked for this. i have a LOT of thoughts on this. it’s gonna be under a cut because i’m gonna be annoying and psychoanalyse a celebrity i’ve never met(and hope i never do) but trust and believe when i tell you i know what i’m talking about so

you want my opinion? here goes. there is absolutely no way jensen ackles is straight. i hear you, ‘how do you know that he’s bi? that’s invasive and creepy’ but may i counter that point by saying how do you know he’s straight???? why is the default for everyone heterosexual? that’s a toxic mentality to have; ‘oh you don’t know for sure so just treat him like he’s 100% straight just in case’ like....what? heteronormativity drives me wild i’m sorry

and also, um, just to, um, prove my point that this man is decidedly not straight™(i really don’t want to do this but like it has to be said) we KNOW he’s not straight because his d*ck has spoken for itself around misha, like, four times. I HATE SAYING IT!!!!!!! but, um, straight men don’t get aroused by men. ...do i really need to explain myself further???? that’s what i thought(and don’t give me the ‘it could have been for unrelated reasons’ or ‘that wasn’t a boner!’ crap because um good lord yes it was and misha caused every single one so no it wasn’t a coincidence i’m gonna move on before i collapse into myself like a dying star)

anyway, on to the topic at hand which is jensen and his performative masculinity. and it’s a juicy one.

after the unconscious amount of hours i’ve put into watching and subconsciously judging jackles, i have come to the conclusion that like, 90% of how he presents himself and talks and even moves is an act. it’s a facade. it’s a shield. he is not that person. it actually seems exhausting, because he tries to compose himself in this macho, manly, confident and effortlessly cool way, but he’s not that person he desperately wishes he was and wants to be perceived as. he’s on guard every second, even the slightest tilt of his head is like, pre-meditated in some way? if i’m going FULL body language analyst mode, i’ve noticed he has a certain posture he always shifts himself into, and it’s very ‘pursed lips, stoic faced, gruff voiced, square-shoulder, broad and manly’ but, not to be rude jensen, it kind of reads as a little kid imitating the adults he thinks are cool? oof i am going IN huh(it’s out of love though i promise)

he is trying to be this person at every second:

because that’s who he wishes he was, because that’s how he gets validation from the people around him that he looks up to; straight white guys. but to me, who he presents himself to be at conventions is just as much of a performance as this whole eye of the tiger bit is.

oh i should mention i know his body language isn’t naturally like that because how he naturally carries himself is actually pretty flamboyant? like he seriously must be toning himself down HARD

examples:

there’s no tension in his body here as opposed to the eye of the tiger gif. i’d describe it as...generally loose and free? he’s at ease when he moves like that and you can see it.

oh and dude!!! DUDE!!!! how could i not mention the fucking SPECTACLE that is his voice??? jensen. i watched season one. i know where your voice naturally sits. THAT IS NOT WHAT YOU SOUND LIKE. and there have been so many accounts of fans visiting jensen in his trailer and being surprised that his real voice is two octaves higher. again, his performance of masculinity is all encompassing. he can’t even talk normally because, in his mind, that’s a chink in his armour.

and, like you said, anon, this whole smokes-and-mirrors gong show of ‘i am the cool texan man’ is inherently queer. who are you trying to impress??? guys??? that’s pretty gay dude.(btw: gay[honorary])

i feel like i’ve already read this man for filth but i have to keep going bc i have so much to say

ok next thing i’m gonna talk about is how jensen says one thing but everything else about him tells us the exact opposite. another HUGE element of performative masculinity, ONE THAT DEAN WINCHESTER IS A MASTER OF. have i mentioned how dean and jensen are like mirrors of each other when it comes to their sexuality and queer identity??? because it is fascinating how everything i say about jensen also directly applies to dean.

allow me to introduce the grumpy face™. as in, the face he glues on when he’s enjoying doing something but doesn’t want to let anyone know it. and it’s ALWAYS when he’s doing something that could be seen as unmanly in any way. (and when i say manly i mean the ‘ideal’ version of manhood that doesn’t really exist but that jensen seems to be striving for[and dean too])

prime example is this video he did with daneel. the grumpy face™ doesn’t budge the whole time as he’s like,,,,playing an instrument and acting like he doesn’t want to bc i guess that’s too girly??? but i also find this video fascinating because the joke IN it is kind of that they’re both poking fun at him for being so insecure about playing a freaking flute. because, i mean, he gets into it, but he wants you to think he is not.

also this picture.

what is this. i hate them. jensen is smushing himself into misha’s forehead but noooo his face is telling us ‘i hate this’ because CLEARLY he does. also misha’s so happy ew gross

he does that face in photo ops with misha ALL THE TIME but how many times has he also literally asked the con goers if he can also have those photos on his phone too? because of course he actually loves touching misha and is actually a sentimental fool but he tries so hard to hide it and fails so spectacularly.

oh and this. and of COURSE this. actually let’s talk about the hitch kiss for a hot minute because it’s a perfect example of exactly what i’m talking about

(he is so transparent guys. he tries so hard but he’s so obvious.)

1. misha was never supposed to be onstage with him. so it’s a boldface LIE and OBVIOUS PLOY TO GET MISHA TO KISS HIM when he says ‘they’d like us to make out now’. but of course the way he says it is ‘oh my god can you believe what these crazy panel people are making us do haha but i mean what they say goes amirite’. same energy as ‘oh my god did you just dare us to kiss rn???’ ‘....no i didn’t’ ‘oh my god i can’t believe you’d ask that haha but i can’t say no to a dare lol’ it’s the SAME THING

2. the fact that he was in the worst mood before misha came onstage and FAKE KISSING HIM made him feel...SO?? much better? like not just a little better a lot better like, again, that says a lot, because if they weren’t dating he would not be in a better mood if misha kissed his cheek unprompted. bc that cheek kiss wasn’t a joke it was a genuine sign of affection and AHHHH

3. after the kiss happens. you know, the one that jensen actively leans into and is smiling like an idiot the whole time through and is quite clearly having the time of his life during....he says ‘well, that was uncomfortable’. .......my guy. um. i don’t know how to tell you that i do in fact have eyes and you are NOT pulling the fast one you think you are

like i’m so sorry jensen but i have you pegged. it’s literally no use.

god there’s so many instances of him doing this with misha specifically. the whole ‘ew gross lol’ but then everything about him tells us the exact opposite. like this(i hate this. how dare he say ‘he has though, hasn’t he?’ LIKE THAT?????)

so yeah my point with that is he really wants us to think he is one thing when he is the antithesis of what he’s trying to be. he really likes those things that he talks down about, and everything he’s loudly projecting is all to hide how he really feels. he went to a gay bar with daneel, for crying out loud. he wants to play a role in drag. he’s queer and he likes it. pov: you’re jensen ackles train of thought: ‘ok so i really like this thing that people might make fun of me for or call me gay for liking so if i just say ‘lol as if’ and make a grossed-out face they will be FOOLED. i am a genius. hey misha wanna blow on my ear lol i meAN GROSS EW’

i have two more things i want to talk about when it comes to this topic so PLEASE bear with me anon this is why you took so long to answer clearly lmao

ok so we’re now going to go over my favorite hot take of all time. which is ‘how do we know dean’s performing masculinity? because sam isn’t.’ only replace dean with jensen and sam with jared and oh my god do we ever have a case

jared is as STRAIGHT as they come. he is secure in that knowledge. and that’s why he is perfectly comfortable treating misha like this:

and not try to scream ‘i am not enjoying doing this!!!!!!’ at us. because he doesn’t care what we think of his sexuality like jensen does(because he has nothing to hide whereas jensen DOES)

something i found the other day that no one has brought up but i SCREAMED upon finding it is this one clip THAT I CAN’T FIND OH GOD but i promise i’m not making it up. i can’t believe i can’t find it guys it is gold. i need need NEED to talk about it. and if anyone knows what i’m referencing and can apply links in any way i will love you forever but here’s what happens off the top of my head:

ok so i’m a bit too braindead to explain it perfectly but um basically it’s a j2 panel and someone brings up magic mike and i think jared says ‘yeah i didn’t watch it’ and then jensen says ‘all the way through’. stupid joke. whatever. the joke is that jared is gay for watching magic mike.

and then i literally kid you not. jared gets this like ‘jesus christ ok dude? lol’ look on his face and then goes ‘projecting much, mr. ackles?’ and jensen gets a guilty look on his face and walks away. and jared did not say it as a joke. he was being dead pan and earnest. and jensen knew it too, he knew he was projecting. i wish i could show you guys the clip i promise if i ever find it i’ll link it but IS THAT NOT SO DAMNING FOR JENSEN????? like come ON. also proves my point that when you compare how they feel about watching magic mike. jared doesn’t care bc watching it just doesn’t interest him, but he also thinks that just watching it in itself doesn’t make you gay. jensen however.......has a different mindset, clearly.

‘projecting much, mr. ackles?’ is actually a great title for my next and FINAL section(we’re almost there folks) which is how jensen projects his insecurites about his own sexuality and relationship with misha onto misha.

i hope by now we’ve all seen this video of jensen impersonating cas. it is a blatant microaggression on his part. and like obviously homophobic. it’s like in his mind if he makes fun of them for being gay it makes them both less gay somehow??? it’s self-deprecation in a way??? let’s just tell it like it is: that impression was just jensen’s overt internalized homophobia rearing it’s ugly head. he does it a LOT too when it comes to misha.

i mean:

and that whole mess where he’s making fun of misha for being a bottom in their panel in 2016? ‘so you’re saying, like with football terms, there’s a handler and there’s a receiver heheheehe’ jensen you’re not exempt from being gay just because you know football terms lmao

oh and his OTHER impression of misha where he mocks him for...bicycling...because it’s not a manly enough sport??? jensen NO ONE else has ever thought this hard in their lives about what constitutes as masculine enough to be a sport before. that’s all you bud. we don’t find those jokes nearly as funny as you do. you are reaching, sir

the good news is that misha thinks it’s hilarious and knows it’s projecting on jensen’s part and will tease him endlessly for it. many stories come to mind, like that one photo op story where they’re literally dressed in rainbow banners and pride stickers but when misha goes to hold his hand jensen said something like ‘no way’ and then misha stepped back, put his hands on his hips and went ‘that’s the part that’s too gay for you???’ and jensen LOST it

or when that whole underwear thing happened(messy messY MESSY BTW) and then a fan asked a question about what dean and cas would do in rome and misha just said ‘when in rome’ and jensen makes a face like ‘are you serious’ and then misha says ‘you can’t look at me like that anymore, because of what you did!!!!!!’

OH and that whole story about when misha suggested they put jensen in the closet for that cat video....yeah um

and then when jensen was asked to do bisexual finger guns for a photo op and the con goer said ‘he looks bisexual here’ and misha literally said ‘oh he definitely looks bisexual here. i would say he’s actually closer to the gay side of the spectrum’ so..um...make with that as you will

OH MY GOD i’m finally done. wow. WOW. that was a lot. i hope i’ve blown your minds. ty anon i really wanted to talk about this and i hope you’re happy with the outcome!!!!!!

#cockles ask #sexuality spec #jensen is bi #anti rps for ts #cockles #liz answers #ok i have to admit it is crazy i have retained all this info #i hope someone appreciates it #my analysis #mine

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lydias--stiles · 3 years

Text

canon juke fluff based on “till forever falls apart” by ashe and finneas

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Raucous laughter disappeared in a snap as the door slammed behind her. Her feet stumbled from the sudden change, finding her balance again and then hopping towards the garden gate. She left a glitter trail in her wake.

Julie turned seventeen today. She knew it’d be special the second she woke up, Carlos blaring ‘Dancing Queen’ like a little shit before her alarm clock went off. It was the most brotherly way he could congratulate her and she loved him for it. (Not after she chased him though - who the hell did that?!)

Flynn came by during breakfast, phasing through Alex without realising as she placed a glittery crown atop Julie’s curls. It was plastic and clunky and the number 17 was pink and glowed in the dark. Luke sat on the kitchen island teasing her for it, Reggie helping Ray make pancakes and yelling he wanted one too. It was barely seven am and her day was the best.

At school, she was showered with birthday wishes and her Instagram flooded with messages of people that confirmed they’d come to her party.

Despite everything, her traitorous thoughts always ended up in the same spot. Luke. He teased her at breakfast, but he didn’t hug her like Alex and Reggie. He didn’t poof beside her as she walked down the driveway to quickly impart a joke or a secret or a lyric, something for her to mull about on the trek to school with Flynn. There was nothing.

On the one hand, it could just be pre-performance jitters. Luke took every gig a hundred percent seriously and got pretty intense if a lot of people were going to be watching. If he didn’t set the stage on fire in one song, he’d feel like he failed. So yeah, Julie allowed herself to think that was the case for his absentmindedness.

If only she didn’t know him so well. She knew it was something else entirely. She knew it had to do with her age; the fact that she aged. It was hard to not let it temper her birthday excitement, but all she wished for (just like when she blew out her candles for her sixteenth birthday) was for them to hide in her daydreams and be together without qualms. That he was hers.

Luke and her have made plenty of mistakes over the two years that they’ve known each other. Falling in love wasn’t one. She couldn’t believe that - even if he’d given her mixed signals since their fated gig at The Orpheum.

The party was a hit. Dad bought a big peanut butter chocolate cake and they played their best set ever, the studio decorated in an explosion of flowers and butterflies and streamers. Julie was in a glittery purple dress, the crown to match, each lyric coming from her lips laced with glee and pink lemonade. That perpetual thrill coursing through her as she danced with Reggie and hyped up Alex and - her favourite part of all - shared the mic with Luke. His aloof behaviour from before was gone then, coming towards her in that greedy way that made her heart stutter out of place.

Julie wondered if anyone ever believed he was a hologram prior to the band ‘moving to America’. How could they, when he’s always looked so alive and real and warm and with his eyes so intently on hers that it felt like he bore through her, straight to her soul.

Pushing through the sensation, she shot him a teasing grin and returned to the piano.

After the set, Flynn put her DJ skills to good use and put on a killer playlist. Julie danced until her feet ached, sang along until her throat hurt, ate cake until she was full. She was happy and seventeen. As the hours went by, more and more classmates trickled away, ending with her family hoarding the kitchen island as they ate the remnants of cake. All except one.

It hurt. Julie knew Luke was brooder - but on her birthday? Because he couldn’t handle it? Tomorrow, she'd be on her way to surpass them. First Reggie, then Alex and then Luke. Was it selfish of her for wanting to spend time with him? For wanting to dance with him? If just once? If Alex and Reggie could, why couldn’t he?

Without a second thought (or third, fourth, fifth - it was always and forever tethered to Luke), she stumbled out the front door towards the garden gate. Glitter stuck to the pavement.

The light was on in the studio, their safe haven surrounded by fallen decorations as if a storm had passed. Her bare foot kicked a balloon, a smile tugging on her lips as the purple thing drifted and bounced against the trees.

She slid the doors open. There he was.

“Luke?”

His back was turned towards her, head bent over the grand piano as he fervently wrote in his trusty songbook. More songs were theirs than just his in there, she knew, and it left her warm.

He perked up, head turning, a gentle smile on his lips. “Hey birthday girl. You look like shit.”

She laughed, coming closer, and watched as more glitter fell to the floor. She must look like a sweaty, exhausted disco ball. Despite this, a sense of calmness washed over her. Luke was here and he was smiling at her and everything made sense again.

“Thanks,” she jabbed. “You look even worse.”

Tensing his muscles, as if she hadn’t seen them before, he smirked. “Please. The sweat makes my arms look better.”

The smile stuck to her cheeks, stupidly enamoured by his silliness, and remembered a time when she didn’t allow herself to feel like this. But that was before the late night sessions in the studio, before he became corporeal, before he placed tender kisses on her forehead before important gigs, as if infusing her with the power to kill it, before he hung out in her room and before he allowed her to know more about 90s-Luke. (There wasn’t much difference. According to his stories, he was just as endearing then.)

Before one frustrated kiss between them, months ago, nearly blew everything up. If the band and their connection wasn’t so tight, she didn’t know what would’ve happened. They never spoke about it. Perhaps the knowledge that it happened, the idea that it could happen again, realising that her daydreams weren’t one-sided - it left her yearning. Who would blame her? She was seventeen.

The kiss had been a mistake, but that ‘stupidly enamoured’ feeling? It was only a natural reaction. She didn’t want anyone else.

Crossing the final distance, Julie tightly wrapped her arms around him. Luke held her close, face burrowed in her neck and letting his waning body spray and her flowery perfume melt together.

“You haven’t given me a hug today,” she whispered.

He nodded. “I know.”

She bit back a sigh. This couldn’t be a mistake too. “Why?”

“Cause you’re seventeen,” he muttered. “I can’t pretend you’re-”

“Younger?”

His palms curled around her, pulling back slightly to look her in the eye. The green, bright yet troubled, flitted across her face. Dejected, it dropped to the ground, as if the sight of her brought him wonder and ache at once. Could she tell him it was mutual? Could she-

“Able to be mine.”

It was uttered so quietly, she almost didn’t catch it. It was as if the world went off its axis, both precariously close to falling off the edge and Julie debating whether that would be a bad thing or not. If it really was that insane if it meant she got to be right here, in his arms.

The feeling coiled in her stomach, pushed itself up her ribcage, straight through her heart and slid past her throat. The words danced on her lips, lively and colourful and devoted.

And then she said it. “I love you.”

His eyes slowly locked with hers, a glint of uncertainty found beneath. The lack of surprise on his part would make her laugh had she not been so terrified to lose him completely, all at once. His fingers pressed into her skin, like she’d be the one backtracking her words and running out. Like he wasn’t the one with the ability to vanish from her grasp.

Luke exhaled and dropped his forehead against hers, gaze unwavering. Her instincts told her to shut her eyes, look away, maybe even bridge the gap, but they were so close to finally becoming something. Whatever that might be.

“Why aren’t you scared?”, he breathed.

Her nervous hands found solace on his cheeks. “I am scared. And it’s despite that. All I wanted today, Luke, was have you be with me.” And then her eyes clenched tight anyway, overwhelmed by the moment. “I’m scared and- and despite everything… I love you.”

Her vulnerability hanging by a thread, she watched as he processed her words. She had no clue if she said or did the right thing, though her hands were frozen in place. Her heart rate picked up when he mirrored her, calloused fingers slipping from her shoulders to her face.

Luke swallowed, hard. “I’m sorry that- that I’ve been distant. But I’m scared and not for the reasons you think. I’m scared cause-” His chuckle was like a candle awakening in a dark cave. “-cause I don’t wanna spend a minute loving anyone else.”

The previous terror washed away, a brilliant smile blooming on her lips at his confession. Her head tilted, allowing her nose to brush his and sigh when he didn’t pull back.

“I was scared cause I thought you didn’t want that,” he finished.

Her voice drowned in reverence. “I do want that. I want you. Until…” Shaking her head, she let out the truth. “Until the universe takes you back.”

The boy laughed, relief sagging his shoulders and pulling so impossibly close, so tightly it should’ve hurt - had euphoria not been bursting in her chest at the simple action. His watery eyes held all she ever wanted to see. Him. Honestly, truly, him.

“I-”, he stuttered, his own anxious smile stopping him. Her thumbs pressed into the lines, urging him to keep going. It softened, in that earnest way only he knew of. “I think I fell back on this earth to be with you, Julie. I think- I know I’m yours.” That incredulous laugh erupted from his chest again, so full, as if it’d been waiting. “I’m so glad I get to hold you.”

There was so much she wanted to say - that she was his, has always been his, that it was insane because they were so young, but what the hell was time anyway? Julie wanted to be with him, forever, until forever disintegrated like smoke between her fingers.

Now, she cradled his cheeks and he was warm. And he told her he loved her, in ways she never expected him to.

Instead of speaking, Julie kissed him. Her lips were sticky from soda and his still held the taste of lovesick words and lyrics, but it was perfect. Their mouths puckered from smiling, that damned kiss from months ago replaced by this one. It felt as if all her wishes, her restless midnight questions, all were granted by one simple touch. By his arms wrapping around her and hers gripping onto his jaw and hair. So tight, so close, as if the tides of Fate would pull the other away right this second.

But nothing happened that second. And the one after that. And again, again, again. They kissed and the universe allowed them to.

Julie didn’t think there was a more beautiful way to fall in love.

With a quiet thrill leading up her spine, she told him. “I think this year might be fun,” the girl grinned against his lips. “The first year of forever of giving my heart to you.”

His tender gaze rested on hers, relaxed hands caressing her back. Love was a good look on him. “Are you gonna say stuff like that now? To fuck with me?”

She giggled, glee bursting at the seams. “You started!”

“Yeah.” Luke trailed off, a dopey smile glittering his eyes. Just as he leaned in for another kiss, he stilled. “Oh! I was writing some stuff for a song!” Nodding at the discarded notebook on the piano, he asked: “Wanna work on it?”

Just like that, they were back to being Luke and Julie. Singers, musicians, writing partners, best friends, each other’s forever.

Propping the glittery crown on his head, she matched his fond expression and went to sit on the piano bench. “Yeah, show me.”

Julie would look back on that moment and smile. Two seventeen year olds, defying Fate and the Universe and everything in between, mocking the stars that yes, Luke and her did belong together. There was strength in knowing their forever was predetermined, that they knew it wouldn’t be eternal, but that that was okay. Every second mattered then. Every laugh became fuller, a kiss more passionate, a smile brighter. They spent a lifetime, counted in quick adolescent years, sharing their hearts.

For a while, Luke was hers. And forevermore would they be together - in the whispers of songs, in memories, in lingering cologne on clothing.

It was the sweetest, most adventurous romance of all.

But that wasn’t important now. Luke sat next to her, held his notebook out, and together they did what they knew best. When the clock struck midnight, all he did was kiss her again.

“You know,” he muttered, lips brushing her ear. “The things we said? Might make for a killer song.”

Julie’s nose scrunched up in delight, thumbing to a fresh page and clicking her pen. Nuzzling into his neck and interlacing their free hands, she swore she felt it. Their tether. It was real - just as real as him loving her and her loving him. It was there. She took a deep breath.

“Let’s do it.”

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

@blush-and-books @bluefirewrites @unsaid-emily @willexx @ourstarscollided @constantly-singing @ruzek-halstead

#juke #jatp fanfiction #julie and the phantoms #otp: i think we make each other better #i was supposed to make this when the song came out but i got sidetracked

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omniscientwreck · 3 years

Text

With Every Single Thing I Have

Beginning note: ***MAJOR SPOILERS FOR C2 E141***

CW: Character Death, Talk of Death

This is my interpretation of the canon description of Essek and Caleb’s days with some good angst thrown right in there. I have no knowledge of what is or isn’t cannon about the afterlife in Critical Role so this may be canon divergent but I needed it to cope. I hope you enjoy! Title Is Taken From The Song Two by Sleeping At Last

Caleb Widogast is dying.

He’s old, nearly 90 years of age. His body aches with every rain, stairs become more difficult, but his casting never fades. His mind is sharp and he reads, learns, and teaches until the end comes for him. Up in his tower, exhausted and bed-ridden he hears shuffling outside the door before it opens without so much as a touch and a tray of food is brought in. Essek Thelyss glides gently into the room, “Oh good, you’re awake. I prepared a light lunch for you, would you eat?”

Nodding back at the drow, the bittersweet smile that’s become a companion to him in Essek’s presence settling again into his wrinkled features. Essek sits on the bed beside him, book in hand as he often does and the memories written all over Caleb’s face come flooding back.

They had gone back to Aeor after the business in Rexxentrum concluded. Jester had helped Caleb locate Essek and when he found out he wasn’t too late, he was still at the outpost, he’d gone almost immediately. The winter clothes they’d bought all those months ago to chase their lost friend still fit and they carried many memories in them with the promise of more to come.

Their time together in Aeor was long. They took many months scouring the ruins for every book they could find. Between his Vault of Amber and Essek’s Wristpocket as well as a borrowed bag of holding they were able to collect the knowledge of Aeor. They found every device, every tiny dunamantic stone. They went back to the machine, the one that promised Caleb his dreams, closure, a chance to atone. The one that could change Essek’s past, that would give him his freedom.

Essek gazed upon the machine and he decided to remain in hiding. He looked directly at Caleb, made the decision to live forever with the consequences of his actions, because without them they wouldn’t have this. This moment, this trip, these memories.

It is Caleb’s turn now to gaze upon his destiny. He looks into the lavender eyes boring into him with the question Will you do it? His plan is perfect, the only thing that changes is that his parents are not dead and one day maybe he can reunite with them. He can see them grown old, he can tell them everything he’s done. They can be proud of him.

His mind shifts to the Nein, to Veth, Jester. To Astrid and Eodwulf. Back to Essek. It’s impossible to know what would happen if he did this. If he’d be able to come back. Is it really worth giving up everything he knows? Potentially giving up the Mighty Nein not only for himself but for them too?

He reaches into his components bag, smears dust across his forearm and with a green ray he carves away the experiment. He destroys, permanently, any hope of ever going back, in favour of hope for the future. Essek helps him burn everything and when they’re done he can only stare at the drow. The man who’s come so far, allowed himself to be so changed by the love of friends (Caleb’s love) that he went from enemy to beloved companion. He stares and divergent futures flash before his eyes as if he’s staring deep into the Luxon. They all end the same, he dies and Essek lives on without him for many years. The change is in the times in between now and then.

He knows which one he want and if the last two months were any indication Essek had his own hopes.

A week or so later, they ate in the tower. When the Nein first separated the tower had felt empty, he usually elected to sleep in a hotel room or in the dome under the stars. With Essek it’s easier to be there. They’ve fallen into a comfortable routine while researching that involves them spending the day immersed in ancient secrets forgotten to time. They would spend hours in complete silence, reading in tandem or copying runes and arcane patterns and then one of them would find something truly tantalizing and the silence would be broken as they began theorizing. When Essek gets excited his lavender eyes brighten and his whole face lifts and it’s no secret to Caleb that his heart races and his face melts into a soft, tender expression that Essek catches and matches.

After, they’ll go into the tower and eat, served warm soups and breads by little fey cats and then they read in the study in companionable silence until they retire to separate rooms. This night, a week before their time was up, Caleb’s keen mind caught up with him. Suddenly he became very aware of the passage of time, the potential futures slipping away and he rests his spoon on the table, overwhelmed by the shrinking timeline ahead.

They talk that night, instead of reading. They sit in two armchairs in a quiet carpeted room lit by purple globules of light, gently bobbing around their heads and they talk. They talk for hours. Essek tells Caleb his sins and Caleb elaborates on his own. They talk plainly and it’s hard to do, but at some point the chairs moved closer, and then their hands touched, eventually Essek’s hands were folded into Caleb’s.

He felt closer to Essek after that. For the rest of the week it was easier to reach out and grasp his hand, to pull him into a hug. Two weeks later, they talked again and after that they kissed. Their kisses weren’t frequent but they were familiar, a warm comfort over those last weeks in Aeor.

Theirs was not a whirlwind romance. It was something more precious and much more difficult to describe. It burned slow and and steadily rose until something had to be done. They kept in close contact after Aeor, it is those letters that begin the new collection that fills Caleb’s left holster.

They visit occasionally until the burn of the eyes of the Dynasty on Essek’s back became too hot. Caleb has taken to staying in Nicodranas when he and Beauregard are taking a break from dismantling centuries old systems to weed out the rot so he asks Essek to come stay with him. Quietly, out of the eyes of the empire and most of their friends, they begin to build a life. They construct with care, laying a sturdy foundation because though they both know this arrangement is temporary they promise to always be together in one way or another; because though gravity can be altered, it always rights itself and the pull Caleb feels towards Essek, has felt for some time, is a law of his nature.

They allow themselves as long as the other will have them and they spend years together. The kisses become more frequent as they gradually abandon inhibitions. Caleb’s life is a blink compared to Essek and he becomes more aware each year of the limited time he has. He and Essek stay together in varying locations for as long as he can bear it, he realizes now that they have earned this happiness, however fleeting. It will always be a larger portion of his life than it will be of Essek’s so he holds out as long as he can. He begins to teach in this time and though Essek cannot really be free he still has his work studying their findings and occasionally he travels.

Caleb watches him advance so much in their decade together and he gets bleary eyed imagining all Essek will do when he’s gone. They learn together, share every meal, he learns Undercommon and teaches Zemnian, and they spend every possible night together in every possible way. They share a sweet and intense passion and Caleb’s love sinks deeper and deeper into his heart.

When his forehead wrinkles and his hair is greying he realizes his time is up. He has goals, he needs to teach, he needs to fully commit to being in the Empire and his short life must be spent doing as he promised all those years ago, making each place better than he found it. That is the hardest conversation he’s ever had. “I wish it were not this way. That it didn’t have to be, but I do not have as much time as you so I must burn brightly to make my impact. I will always love you Essek Thelyss.”

“And I you Caleb Widogast. When you stumbled into my life all those years ago, Empire infiltrator holding my greatest crime in your hand I had no idea what would happen. You were a variable I did not account for, could never have foreseen. Of all the possible futures in store for me this one, where I am here with you, where I have been here with you for ten years and where I will continue to be by your side thought it is not the same is the best one I could have never predicted.”

They give themselves one last year. They don’t travel, Caleb takes the year off and they spend 328 days exactly together, in bliss. They do their best not to allow the apprehension of good-bye to creep in. Caleb knows it’s not good-bye, not truly and not forever. But when the day comes though he tries to hold it back he cries bitter tears and holds Essek tight and the smaller man shakes with his own sobs. But they loved each other for eleven years, and they manage to continue loving each other for another fourty or so.

Essek leaves and travels for a while to do his own work. This is frequent in the latter half of Caleb’s life but every time he comes back and his friend brings him stories and listens to all of his own. They help each other research, Caleb still tells him everything and relishes every moment they spend together. They no longer kiss but they are still partners.

Caleb’s life has been better, more fulfilling than he could ever have hoped stumbling out of that wretched prison at the beginning of his second life. He learned peace through the Nein and later through Essek and now that he’s at the end of his time he knows he could not have lived a better life.

Caleb Widogast is old, older than he ever thought he’d be and while his bones and muscles give out and he goes to the Blooming Grove where Caduceus has always said he will end up, to spend his final months, Essek follows.

He cooks the soups the cats used to, they remember everything together, Caleb’s mind keen but Essek has kept up well. At just the right time, Caleb knows. Essek is sat beside him in the bed, the wizards reading in tandem as they’ve done before and fallen into again in this late stage. They have been kissing again, Caleb allowing this last indulgence, one last selfish act. Essek needs it too.

“Essek Thelyss, thank you for everything you’ve done for me. My constant companion, the center of my gravity. You who bent time and space for me and taught me so many things from magic to forgiveness. I have loved you all my life from the moment I could and I would never dream to change a single thing.”

“Caleb Widogast. I have treasured every moment we have spent together, you changed my life, saved a man who knew not that he was dying. I have been happy because I know you and I will continue to be happy because you will never be far from my heart.”

“Please promise to me that you will take care of the others. Allow them to care for you. Find new people and care for them and allow yourself to be cared for in return, live your life as fully as you are able, and when you are done I will see you again just as I am about to see my family.”

“I will. You have loved me all of your life and I will love you for all of mine. I will never know someone like you again. Thank you for allowing me the privilege of your companionship. It is an honor to love you and it always will be.”

The quiet conversation fades and they share one final kiss and Essek sits as Caleb drifts to sleep, gently running his fingers through his hair. Then he goes to get Caduceus. Caleb Widogast is dead.

---------------------------------

Essek Thelyss is dying.

He is nearly 740 years old and he is in decline. He, like his friends before him, retires to the Blooming Grove to live out his remaining days, however many they might be. Caduceus’ kin are caring and when he shows up on their doorstep they expect him. “He told us you would arrive one day. Welcome home and thank you for being here.”

Essek’s life has been a thing of remarkable chance, nearly improbable. He has learned to manipulate as much as he can but even he could not have foreseen the path he ended up taking. He has lived so long, and his life has been full but he is tired.

Fjord had been the first of the Nein to pass. After him Caleb. After Caleb the group coalesced around him. They had never shared many details, but they seemed to know. Keeping his promise to Caleb he allowed them to care for him. To bring him food, to message him to make sure he was okay. They invited him on adventures when they needed and he never turned them down.

They continued asking him to teleport them and every single time he did. Kingsley goes next and then Beauregard. Those years are full of so much loss condensed into such a tiny portion of his existence. He isn’t used to things happening so quickly and he begins to reach out. New connections. He finds people to care for, to mentor and to bolster. He dedicates his life to using aliases to research and study and publish materials to help the mages after him and Caleb. He finds himself beseeched by parties of assholes for assistance and while he never fights alongside another group he makes himself useful in any other way in his ability.

He always imparts the lesson to leave the world better than they found it, and if they listen, if they are the same as his friends, the best people he’s ever known, the world will survive yet. There is a pause between good-byes for a number of years. Then he loses Yasha and Jester. Jester is one of the hardest, the friendly little blue tiefling with a heart for adventure who hugged him when touch had still burned. After her goes Veth and after Veth, finally Caduceus goes back to the earth.

He promised Caleb to live a full life, but every year, the anniversary of the day they met several lifetimes ago, he visits the Blooming Grove. He walks the grounds, he sits with Caleb and he tells him of his research, he reminisces and he whispers love to the flowers that grow. They are fiery orange and yellow with some deep purple and blue spattered among them. Caduceus says on his first visit that the blue ones are called forget-me-nots. Essek picks one every year and presses it into a book, like Yasha showed him once upon a time.

Caduceus and Essek drink the tea from the flowers Caleb gave them. For centuries they sat together, telling stories, having extended conversation year after year. Some years Caduceus travelled so Essek made his vigil alone, but he never forgot Caleb and he never forgot the Mighty Nein. They lived as long as he did for they were in his heart always.

The last time he visits Caleb they talk for hours. “Every good thing I have done, every positive emotion and happiness I have known in these centuries has been because of you. You allowed me to feel again and the best decision I could have ever made was letting my plan go to allow myself to grow close to you.”

He is lying beside the grave twirling a delicate blue flower between wrinkled, aching fingers. “Caleb Widowgast you have lived with me for a long while and I thank you again for the gifts you gave me while you were here. I hope you are proud of me. I love you to the end of my days my friend.”

He falls asleep then, in the night of the Blooming Grove, fireflies and an infinite expanse of stars casting gentle light across his stilling form.

As Essek Thelyss fades he finds himself again in a garden. It is brightly coloured and lush, well cared for. There is a small cottage there and as he glides to the door, drawn to it as if by gravity, it opens and he sees copper hair, vibrant blue eyes, and the widest smile he’s missed the most, “I told you my friend, we would meet again.”

“I never doubted you Caleb Widogast.”

#shadowgast #essek thelyss #caleb widogast #critical role #the mighty nein #fan fiction #my writing #wreckwrites #critfic #cr spoilers #critical role spoilers

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