#( && my loneliness is killing me.

[savagewildnerness]

Let’s breakdown this scene…

Lestat, playing piano: bent over, lost in the world of the music - out of this world entirely. Louis sees a broken thing playing a plank of wood. A far cry from the proud, splendid creature he once knew.

(From Interview with the Vampire) "My eyes widened as I studied this stooped and shivering vampire whose rich blonde hair hung down in loose waves covering his face.”

Side note from me, as I love to talk about things that make The Vampire Chronicles appealing to me. Some people seem to be of the view that they wouldn’t desire immortality, only to be these sad, lonely, melancholic creatures… but I have always felt this way myself - even when I was a tiny child, long before I read The Vampire Chronicles. There has always been an innate loneliness and isolation to me deep inside. I don’t think you’d necessarily know it to meet me, mind! I am a smiley person! I like to do childlike, fun things. I try to bring happiness, not gloom to the world.

However, my instinct has always been to retreat into my own, wordless, unbound imagination, and to feel entirely alone, in truth. And still, I am. As a child, I felt more the weight of the world as if I were already 1000 years old. Now, loss of hope that comes with time is both sadder, scarier and, in its way, more freeing.

Anyway - imagine having infinite time and so being able to truly drift out of existence for decades. It’s such an appealing concept to me. I know Lestat is very sad here, but the idea of this kind of true escape… oh how I yearn for it. To let the world crumble around me. To step out of existence for some decades, with the possibility of return, not the reality as it is in mortal life that that is you falling through cracks you’ll never crawl out of ever again…

Lestat names Louis, reflexively when asked who said “hello”. He hasn’t turned to see Louis yet. To Lestat, Louis died 50 years ago. He is a ghost, surely? Lestat’s voice has a flat affect here. He isn’t thinking. He is merely reacting.

When Lestat first looks at Louis, I see fear:

- Does Louis really exist?

- What will Louis do?

- Must Lestat be drawn back into the world here? To acknowledge reality?

(From IWTV) “`I've dreamed of your coming . . . coming. . ' he said.”

Lestat asks Louis if he’d like a rat, as if he were a hallucination still, more than real-Louis. I think Lestat knows Louis is real when he speaks, but he’s still only half in reality himself.

Louis says “I’ve come to see you”, but Lestat is still half in his own constructed world with his music and Argerich… I love how Lestat hugs and caresses his plank-piano, drawing it into himself, as if drawing music in to himself. Me too, Lestat. Me too. I adore how Rolin and all added music to this scene. It isn’t there in the books. Of course it makes a through-line for rock star Lestat, but it is a deep love of Lestat’s and I am SO HAPPY with this addition!

I know a lot of people find “Siri, pause…” funny, but I must be a weird human, as I just find it oddly poignant. Like did people watch and laugh at this moment? This feels like when I go to see a play and people all laugh at something and I don’t laugh, then some other thing I laugh out loud at, but nobody else is laughing. And this is why I can’t do memes or any popular thing. SIGH. ANYWAY!!!

The way Lestat puts the keyboard up on front of himself, like a shield as Louis moves closer, his breathing growing ragged. Lestat genuinely scared… as though Louis’ mere presence might obliterate him if he gets too close. And of course, he does not know why Louis is there. Is he there to kill him? Does it matter if he is? He should kill him. He could too, right now. The emotional support piano becomes a protective plank.

But what Lestat is not expecting is Louis’ kindness, care, worry and empathy.

“Did you save my life in Paris?”

And now we get the first glimmer of the old Lestat as Lestat lifts his chin, shakes his head, tries to be nonchalant and to muster up his old pride, maintain any pride he still possesses. He immediately dismisses Louis’ niceness with a self-criticism as he truly perceives that he put Louis in danger by not protecting him from Armand. Responsibility in Nicolas’ death, and, he thinks, in Louis’.

Lestat is defensive. His unspoken mantra, “Don’t see me. Don’t see the real me, Louis. I cannot take it. Not right now.” Lestat is almost begging Louis to tell him he hates him, as he’s imagined Louis’ hate all these years… I fear halluci-Louis may not have been the kind, loving vision for Lestat that DreamStat was for Louis…?

A side note again: Lestat’s “All hail me” gave me a full-on spontaneous existential crisis. Folks, does Lestat say “All hail me” in the books? I hope not! Because for as long as I remember, in appropriate circumstances, I say “All hail me” and obviously it’s a turn of phrase, but I had a sudden heart stopping moment where, with a chill, I thought *Did I get that from Lestat?!* Am I entirely even my self at all?! Am I merely a manifestation of all the art I have ever consumed? Am… I… Armand!?!?!??!! Oh MY! I don’t think Lestat says this in the books though, right? Right!?!?

Well, Lestat puts his piano-plank down, terrified Louis might show him love. Craving it. Fearing it.

“Been enduring here?” Lestat is truly proud now. He will not admit his pain. As if not speaking it could make it invisible when it’s plain all about - from within him and without. It is *very* Lestat when questioned on the pain in his soul or shown that it has been seen to be like “I am FINE” & to think that’s how he comes across to others, when really of COURSE they see how broken he is. And then he bemoans that nobody will let him be broken, when he himself struggles to be broken other than when alone or on the page.

“I didn’t know it was a gift.” - Lestat is still wary. Still expecting hate from Louis here… unable yet to fully accept and understand…

Then Louis begins to say the only things Lestat has ever wanted to hear and know from Louis - thanking Lestat for the gift of vampiric immortality, showing he understands the beauty of it and intends to value that and use it… & Lestat is done for; broken open from here. He still, for a moment tries to fight back with “Shall we list all the ways we have wronged each other…” etc. But really, Lestat can now no longer maintain ay facade. Louis has opened him up.

And now we are open to Lestat’s thoughts for the last half-century. Armand erases Louis’ suicide attempt from his mind, but it is the first thing Lestat asks about. In his mind he has replayed for 5 decades how Louis is dead and it is his fault.

Sam and Jacob are so brilliant and beautiful as they open to each other in this scene. Claudia. Grief. Pain. Then, love. Broken-Lestat is particularly too much - holding on to responsibility over Claudia’s fate and how she looked at him at the end and he did nothing… and Louis, trying to take away and share the burden. Louis - so empathetic… and as they move through grief to love, words fall away (or become too personal to matter) and the storm outside echoes the storm of their hearts and their love.

(From IWTV) ““…And as I looked down at him, as I saw his yellow hair pressed against my coat, I had a vision of him from long ago, that tall, stately gentleman in the swirling black cape, with his head thrown back, his rich, flawless voice singing the lilting air of the opera from which we'd only just come, his walking stick tapping the cobblestones in time with the music, his large, sparkling eye catching the young woman who stood by, enrapt, so that a smile spread over his face as the song died on his lips; and for one moment, that one moment when his eye met hers, all evil seemed obliterated in that flush of pleasure, that passion for merely being alive.

" Was this the price of that involvement? A sensibility shocked by change, shrivelling from fear? I thought quietly of all the things I might say to him, how I might remind him that he was immortal, that nothing condemned him to this retreat save himself, and that he was surrounded with the unmistakable signs of inevitable death. But I did not say these things, and I knew that I would not.

" It seemed the silence of the room rushed back around us, like a dark sea…””

Bonus: misprint in my TVL copy!

(From TVL) “Louis had come finally to this very place and seen me through the windows. I tried to imagine it. Louis alive. Louis here, so close, and I had not even know it. I think I laughed a little. I couldn’t keep it clear in my mind that Louis wasn’t burnt up. But it was really wonderful that Louis still lived. It was wonderful that there existed still that handsome face, that poignant expression, that tender and faintly imploring voice. My beautiful Louis surviving, instead of dead and gone with Claudia and Nick.

But then maybe he was dead. Why should I believe Armand?”

[actiasteeth]

ASKBOX MEME 048 / ARCANE S01E04-06

All prompts taken from season one of Arcane (2021). Adjust as needed.

04. HAPPY PROGRESS DAY

"Hmm. We really have descended to anarchy."

"Who were you working for?"

"I can't. He'll kill me."

"I can protect you."

"I realize you're used to getting your way, _____, but we have a chain of command for a reason."

"She's a problem and we all know it."

"I expect better from you than excuses."

"You failed. Don't disappoint me again."

"I need to know that I can rely on you."

"These people have nothing new to offer me. The only one actually worth my time is him."

"Could I borrow you for a minute?"

"To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Now he thinks I'm weak."

"No, no. Not in front of all of them."

"Do you have any idea what you've done?"

"Shouldn't you be resting?"

"You almost died, _____. I just— I just want you to be safe."

"Who the hell are you?"

05. EVERYBODY WANTS TO BE MY ENEMY

"That's a serious accusation."

"You haven't answered my question."

"Where did you get this?"

"In what mad world would I trust someone like you?"

"I don't need favors. I need you to do your job."

"What if I'm not interested in playing along?"

"You almost got me killed."

"Are you sure this is safe?"

"I knew this was a terrible idea. You don't actually know anything, do you?"

"You've just made yourself everyone's common enemy, _____."

"You don't know anything."

"These are simply favors amongst friends."

"How can I say no to such an auspicious offer?"

"You know what your problem is? You expect everyone to give you what you want."

"If I'm discovered, we're both finished."

"This has gone too far."

"Imagining yourself a hero? One final act to make you the martyr you've always seen yourself as— Then what are you waiting for?"

"You're the only one I can trust with this, _____."

"Fear haunts us all, child."

"_____ wasn't the man you thought he was."

"Betrayal—that pain that feels like it'll eat you from the inside out—can either break you or forge you into something greater."

"You filthy traitor."

"I see you never learned patience."

"Do you ever say 'thank you'?"

"Stop calling me that. My name is _____.'

"You're making a mess."

06. WHEN THESE WALLS COME TUMBLING DOWN

"Don't be afraid."

"Loneliness is often the byproduct of a gifted mind."

"We can be loners together."

"Do you contemplate death, _____?"

"It's a sad truth that those who shine brightest often burn fastest."

"There's quite a lot about me you don't know."

"Listen, I'm sorry for disappearing last night."

"Now he needs me and there's nothing I can do. I hate feeling so useless."

"Why did you come to me with this?"

"Nothing feels impossible when I'm with you."

"We can't change what fate has in store for us, but we don't have to face it alone."

"Everyone makes mistakes, right? What's important is that we don't repeat them."

"I can feel my body eroding."

"What is this place?"

"I know you have your reservations about me, but this only works if we can trust each other."

"You don't know anything about me."

"I shouldn't have left you."

"It's all right. I can tell—despite it all, you have a good heart."

"_____, something's different. You've changed. What did you do?"

"I just... wanted to feel what it was like. To be somebody. To make other people afraid."

"Time and again, you've warned us what not to do. But let me ask you this: what's your plan to fix this?"

"How many problems can one girl cause?"

"Are you real?"

"Things changed when you left. I changed."

"You did what you had to do to survive."

"This is a trick! You're playing me!"

"Stop talking to me like I'm a child!"

"I'm not going to abandon you again."

[invisibleraven]

I don't know what that means!

Peterpatterlina

Since Julie refused to skip school for band practice (lame) the boys had to find a way to amuse themselves. As such, they decided to catch up on all they had missed in the past twenty five years. Alex had Willie for that, making sure he understood all the new slang as well as the joys of be gay, do crime.

Luke and Reggie stuck to watching things. They started with Star Wars, the series that brought them together as kids, sneaking in to see the original trilogy when they were probably too young to do so. They were less enthused about the rest of the films, but did enjoy the live action shows that Carlos insisted they watch.

From there, they started watching movies and shows old and new alike, though sometimes they had to pause and get context for historical events and memes.

Eventually they figured they should watch Friends-Flynn told them that it had aged badly, and though they might have fond memories of the first season, the rest was not as good.

But hey, it killed time right?

(Even though Flynn was right and they both agreed that Ross sucked and Chandler was not nearly as appreciated as he should be)

"Do you think lobsters actually mate for life?" Luke asked as they sat through a clip show.

"I think wolves do?" Reggie offered. "Why the sudden interest in the mating habits of crustaceans?"

"It was the thing Phoebe said, about Rachel being Ross' lobster. I think I want that-someone for the rest of my life. Afterlife. Whatever."

Reggie gave a sly grin. "You mean Julie?"

Luke bit his lip, a faint blush tinting his cheeks. "Maybe. But... not just her."

Reggie looked at Luke then, not daring to get his hopes up. He knew how he felt about Luke, and how it had changed since their little chemistry experiment. How he also felt about Julie, a deep well of love that he could never speak of. He had buried his feelings deep, figuring he had no hopes in either harbour and had resigned himself with an afterlife of loneliness and pining from the sidelines.

"R-really?" he finally choked out. "Who else?"

"I think you know man."

"I want to hear you say it."

"It's you Reg," Luke said, cupping his cheek. "It's always been you I think. But it's her too."

"Me too," Reggie rasped out, whatever else he was going to say being swallowed in a kiss that was blistering, messy, and perfect, just like the person giving it to him.

"Oh."

They broke apart, turning to see a devastated looking Julie in the doorway to the studio.

"I'll just... let you two get back to it."

"No Julie wait!" Luke yelled, rushing to catch her. "It's...complicated."

"Looked pretty simple to me."

Luke looked at Reggie frantic who gave him a despairing, look and a shrug, not know what they could say or do to make this better. Then he burst out, "You're our lobster!"

"I don't know what that means!" Julie retorted, her face screwing up in anger.

"Can we explain it?" Reggie asked quietly.

Julie softened then, nodding, letting herself be guided to the chair, hands folded awaiting their explanation.

"Have you ever watched Friends?" Luke asked.

"No," Julie shook her head. "Flynn has and told me it's not worth my time, so I never bothered with that particular cultural touchstone."

Reggie took it upon himself to explain the reference they were making, and then looked at her. "So... we want you to be our lobster."

Julie looked at them both then. "Lobsters don't mate for life, sorry."

The boys faces fell then, until Julie took their hands in hers. "But wolves do. As well as a bunch of other animals. Even more have poly relationships. So maybe we can find the species to suit us?"

Reggie and Luke nodded vigorously, pulling her into an embrace, and though research was tempting they asked Julie for a suggestion for a show she loved they could watch together.

Even if they spent more time making out than actually watching Buffy.

[rainstormcolors]

For the meme:

YGO + 2, 12, 15

Tristan + 8, 9, 10

Hello! Thank you for the ask!

Yu-Gi-Oh!

2) …my three favorite characters and why I love them so much.

Seto Kaiba has been my favorite from the start. All the versions of him have their value and I enjoy them all, but my personal favorite version of the batch is the manga’s version of the character. The loneliness, his internal struggle that seems viscerally painful, the maladaptive behaviors and the search for understanding, and how it’s apparent he does want to connect with other people but he can’t understand this about himself or accept it. He’s so layered and yet the ambiguity is also relatable --- the way emotions cloud and blur, how we don’t have the words for things. And he’s fascinating and morally grey and allows an outlet for the heightened emotions we sometimes need to see, to connect with to understand this feeling is shared, even as he seems achingly alone, even as he achingly reaches out to others. The theme of grief is also very intense within this character while having a kind of subtly, the way these emotions fold into and hide in other emotions.

Mokuba Kaiba is next. Again I enjoy all the versions of this character but the manga’s version is my personal favorite. I feel he’s a very complex character in the manga’s canon with layers of emotion and a history which he carries and it’s only overshadowed due to him not being a duelist character. He’s so headstrong and loyal and he harbors anger, resentment, loneliness, love and devotion, and he’s incredibly proactive. Something that feels a little overlooked about him in canon is that Mokuba *also* explodes at Seto at Death-T, which is not to remotely excuse what happens later on at all, but rather it shows how the strain of everything had worn both of them down and left neither of them able to handle this.

Noa Kaiba is my third favorite character. A dark isolated attention-seeking and self-destructive doomed character who doesn’t really know what love is and is shocked to discover his capacity to love, that he can love and does love. There’s a certain desperation within Noa’s initial plan, abruptly kidnapping everyone with this hopeless idea that maybe he can just walk back into life as the Kaiba heir when that was never going to be possible, and really he just needed needed needed to interact with people from the outside even as all this hatred burned inside him.

12) …what attracted me into checking it out.

I’ve been a fan for a long time, since the show first aired Duelist Kingdom in the United States, although I can’t recall what exact episode I started with but I know it wasn’t the very start. I also read the manga as it was translated and published by VIZ.

15) …which character I would choose for the chopping block if I knew the writers wanted to kill someone.

If I’m entirely honest, even if there are issues in the writing, I kind of get the impression death was an important theme to Kazuki Takahashi, something he wanted to explore in some form, and he quite literally said this in an interview as well. Which is to say that despite the problems, I feel Yugi saying farewell to Atem as Atem left the world was something meaningful to KT in some form even if I feel I shouldn’t make guesses beyond that. I do think it’s very fair to dislike this ending or to discuss and point out the issues, but previous discussions could also be guilty of neglecting the personal angle this storybeat may have carried and how people do indeed have to say goodbye sometimes or watch someone they love die. Which is to say, I don’t want to change what may have been meaningful.

Tristan Taylor / Hiroto Honda

8) …a headcanon I have about this character.

I think he was kind of the family baby while his sister had “eldest daughter syndrome” in some form. I think he helped keep Jonouchi stable before the beginning of canon.

9) …which of their relationships I would have cultivated more if it were up to me (both romantic and platonic).

Honda’s kind of left in the background of the story but he’s also a constant presence through the story. He’s given personal relationships with Jonouchi and Otogi. I very much like the quiet loyalty he felt towards Mokuba. I wouldn’t mind more Honda and Mokuba content in that way, the way people can come to care about each other quietly. Also – Blankey! Imagine more Blankey scenes!

10) …if I liked them immediately or if took a while before I warmed up to their character. Alternatively, if I disliked them immediately or if they lost my trust as their story progressed.

I was neutral towards him for quite a while. I could appreciate him as a loyal friend but it wasn’t as if I personally gravitated towards trying to understand him particularly. I think fandom discussions have been very good for me engaging more with the text, the characters inside the text, what they mean, and how we relate to them, how other real people relate to them, and in turn I’ve been able to understand others as well.

Thank you again for the ask, and I wish you a nice day.

[a-pepper-honey]

4, 18, and 21 for the ask meme maybe!!

4 - Share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you're really proud of (explain why, if you like)

I wanted to pick something from one of my WIPs, and I rediscovered this passage in an old angsty VoE fic I should really finish at some point:

Like he always does when he’s drunk, he thinks about Laurence. Laurence is his only solace, because hating him is the sole comfort Ferris can think of in his wretched pool of loneliness and wallowing. He wants to kill the man. Drown him in this fucking grog. Rum, sodomy and the lash: he can’t decide which seems the most proper punishment for that Navy bast— Here Ferris stops himself, and looks at the bottle in his hand—he’s long since abandoned pouring it in a glass—and clutches it and sobs. Because even in this state, he can’t bring himself to insult his captain. His captain. His brave, selfless, competent, fiercely loyal captain. And truly, truly, Laurence is not his captain as much as Ferris is entirely, completely, irredeemably Laurence’s lieutenant.

Ferris' POV is still very hard for me to get correctly, but I love the progression of his thoughts there!

18 - Do any of your stories have alternative versions? (plotlines that you abandoned, AUs of your own work, different characterisations?) Tell us about them.

I... can't think of any?

I don't usually plan fics out before I start writing them, apart from the ending and a vague idea of how I'll be getting the characters there. I also write in chronological order, which means I don't have any 'bonus' scenes or alternative versions because I mostly,,,, don't stop to consider the plot until the fic's done.

21 - What other medium do you think your story would work well as? (film, webcomic, animated series?)

Animated series all the way, for most of what I've written. I'd go feral over it. However, I do think Typhoon (Granby/Little pilot x rockstar AU I'm working on) would be amazing as a musical <3 Not on stage for practical reasons, but a movie would go sooo well with the cinematic description I'm trying to use in the concert & flight scenes

[greypetrel]

HI <3

For the "Questions about creating your OCs" meme:

Radha (bc I never ask about her and it's plain disrespectful towards an absolute queen): 12, 19 Alyra my beloved: 15, 18 Bonus, for another of your babies you want to talk about: 14

HULLO!

Here i aaaaaaaam!

Tis the prompt list

Radha

12. What have you found to be most difficult about creating art for your OC (any form of art: writing, drawing, edits, etc.)? 

Honestly? Her romance, LOL. Anyone here around from more than 5 minutes may have noticed I like Solas as a character, and quite a lot. I do! But not much as a romance option. He's much more interesting to write, for me, if there's not romantic feelings in the middle. Also, I can't pinpoint her style of clothing, somehow. There's always something that doesn't fully convince me, I should sit around and make a character sheet for her.

19. What is your favorite fact about your OC?

She's the most caring of all my blorbos. She doesn't talk much and she can look unapproachable. It's really not like that at all. Alyra won't jump into a fire for you, even if she loves you. Radha would. She feels stuff a lot, even if she shows it little, and as Aisling, she's emotional too, in her own way. Not that people around her really knows, if they aren't paying CLOSE attention. She just needs to be hugged the most.

Alyra

15. What is something about your OC can make you laugh? 

Her being basically a young, anarchical version of Yzma.

(imagine this with "nobles" instead of "peasants", and that's exactly what she'd love to say in every single Landsmeet, 10 minutes in.)

She's just fun to write, ok, she would be a villain if she wasn't raised Dalish and with the Vir Adahlen well stamped in her mind.

18. What is the most recent thing you’ve discovered about your OC? 

That out of all the Awakening gang, she has the most troubles dealing with Justice. She can't stand Justice.

Also, that if she had been in Kirkwall, she would have worked to give the city to the Arishok and would have accomplished it by the end of Act I in DA2, most likely. "And do you want to keep that Viscount because...?" *vaguely gestures at the poor state of the streets, the big group of incompetent pickpocketers she gave instructions on "how to steal from people without getting caught". The other group of thugs she killed because they were organized crime. The whole of Hightown. Elthina. Meredith. Orsino. The Hanged Man.*

14. If you had to narrow it down to 2 things that you MUST keep in mind while working with your OC, what would those things be?

I already answered for Raina and Max, I'll do the rest of them.

Alyra: 1 - She's a machiavellian prince(ss), with all the pros and all the cons. She can and she will protect you if you're in her social circle and she likes you. But if left unchecked, she tends to gravitate towards ending justifying the means. 2 - She is judgemental, but the times she actually becomes hostile are always towards people in power being incompetent or taking advantage of their position. With normal people she is more lenient. Complaining, but more lenient. She taught more than one pickpocketer who tried to rob her how to do the job. And she honestly has a soft spot for the Blighted Orphans. Again, she's an anarchical, at heart.

Garrett: 1 - He is a farm boy inside. Demons have little to no power over him, because all his wishes are relatively little and stuff he wouldn't accept to do with magic (he really wants to grow the biggest pumpkin in the country. No point if it's a demon doing it.) 2 - He is chatty and genial, and appears to be extremely easy-going, even more than Raina (who has a layer of sarcasm and sharp wit that keeps people away). The people he considers friends for real, tho, are very few.

Aisling: 1 - She is absolutely terrorised of loneliness and being alone. She will people please herself away not to be left alone. At her core, she is a sad character. 2 - She is one of contrasts, tho: in spite of point 1, she is prideful. When pushed outside her boundaries, she won't back up before being dead, she will stand up for herself, and she won't apologize if she's not really sorry. It's just difficult reaching that point.

Radha: 1 - She is naturally extremely curious. She thrives in knowledge, she will read about everything, if given the chance. She doesn't like to speak a lot, but she's observant, and good at reading people. Too good. 2 - She hates being perceived and works best in the sidelines. If a person perceives her and shows interest in her, tho, she's loyal to a fault. And grudgy if her hard-earned trust is betrayed.

[ciaran]

Yoo ask writing meme? Hope you don't mind taking more, 13... 17? 18 if you're okay with that, 33, 35, 36? And 38, sorry if that's a lot. Btw seeing you update your layouts is fun, where do you find all the ethereal looking images you use for your icons? I too am a sun hater.

13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy?

i find writing kink really easy, but also really hard. it's always in my head, but there's so much of it that pulling it into a manageable size is really tough. i think most of the things i love writing are at least a little hard, but the stuff that should count as "hardest" is also the most satisfying. i love writing characters having breakdowns. i find it easy to write dialogue and atmosphere and emotion; i find it difficult to write action. i feel like i'm walking around the answer without hitting it.

the rest are under the cut for length!

17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text.

i don't know if i'm good at doing this but let me try. i generally keep all the details in my head so i feel excited about putting them down? but this WIP is set in a world where the land and king are intrinsically connected, and nick was adopted because he was recognized. the mechanism of recognition is irrelevant. there's a scene where vash says he was drowned by a rusalka; what happened was that the rusalka was hurt by a human man, and in retaliation kidnapped and drowned a couple of children. vash jumped in to save the kids, and the river froze over, so he was in there for a time that would have killed a human but he's not human, so... he managed to talk the rusalka down, then climbed out and dispersed a crowd of villagers with pitchforks and torches, made them all really mad at him, and ended up freezing to death between the water and the snow. there's another scene where vash says his cloak is made of phoenix feathers. his brother deals primarily with the supernatural creatures of the land, and does not truck with humans. vash himself brought this phoenix to knives, because she was dying and he was hoping his brother could save her, but his brother couldn't do anything by then. she died in knives's arms after vash left. when he came back, knives had made her feathers into a cloak for his brother. though phoenixes never fully die, they do fade out - their heat does not dissipate, but the consciousness leaves. since vash is a dragon with (story spoilers) no fire, he needs the warmth when he travels... and stuff like the thing with the rusalka happens anyway.

33. Do you practice any other art besides writing? Does that art ever tie into your writing, or is it entirely separate?

i paint and draw, but it's all very abstract and way less emotionally charged for me than writing. i also want to get back into singing. i don't think it ties into my writing, unless i want to talk about the process of Creation, one of my pet themes :)

35. What’s your favorite writing rule to smash into smithereens?

all of them. show me a rule and i'll show you a way to break it. but mostly i think i hate the idea that every scene needs to be relevant in an immediate way. pacing, you guys. let the emotions breathe!!!

36. They say to Write What You Know. Setting aside for a moment the fact that this is terrible advice...what do you Know?

i know almost nothing... well, i know gender, and trauma, and mental illness. i know loneliness. everything else - well, who can say? i'm curious what people think i know, after reading my stuff.

as for the icons - pinterest >_< my guilty pleasure i never grew out of. i am sort of obsessed w maintaining a very specific aesthetic across my accounts. sun haters UNITE

[piggyette]

i haven’t introspected or really talked about myself on here so i answered this favorites questionnaire. read if you want

@ringtailes​ @virgeauxsun​ @weepingvines​

yall can do it if u want u dont gotta tag anybody idc fjeiofewjfo

1. Favorite candy? dark chocolate

2. Favorite song? ptolemaea by ethel cain

3. Favorite food? sushi or a decent caesar salad

4. Favorite drink? an iced caramel macchiato, or apple sparkling water

5. Favorite band? Artist? fleetwood mac or ethel cain

6. Favorite movie? scream

7. Favorite book?

the bell jar by sylvia plath

8. Favorite restaurant? chick fil a. love homophobic chicken

9. Favorite person? myself

10. Favorite hair color? Eye color? black hair and green eyes

11. Favorite website? bulbapedia

12. Favorite board game? Video game? clue and silent hill 2

13. Favorite sport to play? To watch? i don't. iceskating

14. Favorite school subject? literature 15. Favorite state? City? new orleans, louisiana

16. Favorite number? letter? 7, A

17. Favorite animal? bears

18. Favorite TV show? reba

19. Favorite quote? "who can face the sea and not inherit its loneliness?", olin ivory

20. Favorite nickname? honey

21. Favorite store? target

22. Favorite color? pink

23. Favorite article of clothing? i like a good turtleneck sweater

24. Favorite type of perfume or cologne? chanel no 5

25. Favorite memory from this year? all of the times my cat has curled up next to me to sleep.

26. Favorite age? these are ridiculous questions. 45.

27. Favorite trait? a homogenous one

28. Favorite music video? what???

29. Favorite time of day? midnight

30. Favorite Tumblr? my own, of course

31. Favorite phone brand? apple

32. Favorite shoe brand? louboutin

33. Favorite fashion style? i wonder what op would answer this question with. "goth"? the avant garde victorian style looks of dior fall/winter 2007 haute couture

34. Favorite pattern? the one i'm noticing in these questions.

35. Favorite gift? the gift of foresight

36. Favorite humor? blood

37. Favorite chip brand? Flavor? kettle brand salt and vinegar peak

38. Favorite band to see live? i'm poor

39. Favorite teacher im an adult

40. Favorite celebrity? im an adult

41. Favorite news station? WHAT

42. Favorite DIY? my mother birthing me

43. Favorite instrument? cello

44. Favorite genre of music? deathcore

45. Favorite season? autumn

46. Favorite experience? level 35 dark grass audino OHKO on lucky egg

47. Favorite shirt? a slightly unbuttoned men's button up, navy blue, sleeves folded at the elbow

48. Favorite bottoms?

myself

49. Favorite interpretation of love? a tongue on my clit and fingers buried in my cunt

50. Favorite existential thought? we create god through our praying to him and the moment we stop, he ceases to exist.

51. Favorite scent? gasoline

52. Favorite human interaction?

prayer.

53. Favorite music genre? didn't you ask me this already

54. Favorite compliment? "you are the most interesting person i've ever met"

55. Favorite insult? "if i were you i would have killed myself a long time ago"

56. Favorite phone app? NOT wordscapes thats for sure

57. Favorite type of phone? my own

58. Favorite reading position? doggy style

59. Favorite sex position? i made that joke too soon. also doggy style

60. Favorite pair of shoes? love thy neighbor

61. Favorite animal? i know for certain you asked me this already. i love my cat

62. Favorite body feature (on yourself)? YESSS a good question. my tits

63. Favorite body feature (on others)? that cock

64. Favorite YouTube video? lasagna cat

65. Favorite YouTuber? i bet you'd like it if i said jerma wouldn't you

66. Favorite meme? is anyone even reading this

67. Favorite Tumblr post? the one i'm making as we speak

68. Favorite typeface? monospaced

69. Favorite selfie? absolutely not

70. Favorite holiday? valentine's day

71. Favorite computer brand? hal

72. Favorite lyrics? "Playing in the swamp of alligator blood Behind our house in the marshy lawn He'd always hold my head Under the water a little too long 'Cause he wanted me to be all guts, no glory "All survivor, no guilt," he said But he calls me his crocodile tears While I'm chained up to the bed"

73. Favorite moment? this one.

74. Favorite advice? my mother once told me to never bluff with a gun.

75. Favorite message you’ve ever received? purity is what you make of it. god loves you all the same.

76. Favorite message you’ve ever sent? i love you more than anything.

77. Favorite outfit? nothing at all.

78. Favorite aesthetic? menhera

79. Favorite musical instrument? hmm

80. Favorite car brand? ha

81. Favorite fandom? ew

82. Favorite emoji? ✨

83. Favorite hobby? poetry

84. Favorite TV show character? jughead riverdaleF JFWEIOJFWEIOFJ

85. Favorite book character? jughead riverdale

86. Favorite movie that’s coming out? how do i know if i like it if it hasn't come out yet

87. Favorite designer brand? versace

88. Favorite dessert? tiramisu

89. Favorite kink? not on main

90. Favorite dance move? raise the dead

91. Favorite diet? cocaine addiction

92. Favorite rap verse? does anyone actually answer these

93. Favorite drug? see question 91

94. Favorite country? City? lebanon

95. Favorite feeling? being choked while i cum

96. Favorite picture on the Internet?

97. Favorite phone and/or computer background? i like a good calendar

98. Favorite weather? overcast snowy

99. Favorite mode of transportation? boat

100. Favorite console? wii was superior

[recoverydoesntgetadayoff]

Fortnight

I can't listen to this album late at night.

It dawns on me, listening to this album for the 5th time, how much this song hits home.

I remember twelve years ago when I fell in love with a boy who wasn't mine, and he fell too. It was terrible, awful, exhilarating and intoxicating all at once.

I was a functioning alcoholic 'Til nobody noticed my new aesthetic

I never touched alcohol before I met you. I was a sophomore in college, young, straight edge. I wouldn't dare to touch alcohol until I was 21. But when I met you, and you drank, I wanted to spend time with you. I drank, too. And started to drink... A lot. Nightly beers and wine were my new hobbies. When I realized I loved you, and we wouldn't be able to be together, it became a way to numb the pain.

And for a fortnight there, we were forever Run into you sometimes, ask about the weather Now you're in my backyard, turned into good neighbors Your wife waters flowers, I wanna kill her

I would yearn to run into you on campus. At the dining hall, on the lawn, in town. My whole day was better when I was with you. Time seemed to be endless when we were together. We would go into the bluebell fields and talk about life, how you wanted to learn more about anthropology, and how I wanted to be a teacher. When you talked to her, you told me that she got bored with your interests. I couldn't understand why because I could listen to you forever and never get bored. You were passionate about learning and what you would do with it. I was mesmerized.

I would tell you I was falling for you and how I needed to keep my distance. You had a girlfriend, and it wasn't right. But instead of saying, "Yes," you said, "I miss you. I can't imagine not having you in my life." What was I supposed to say, think, do?

So, what do I do? I moved into the house you shared with her for the summer. To spend more time together. To torture myself. I was in love with you alone in my room while she was with you. It killed me every day. But seeing you come down the stairs or hang out with me in the kitchen made the loneliness disappear.

I love you, it's ruining my life I love you, it's ruining my life I touched you for only a fortnight

This went on for a long time. Too long. I couldn't help it. I was addicted to you, and I was entranced by how you made me feel. I felt beautiful, desirable, seen. No one had ever made me feel that way before. You would stay up late with me at night, hanging on the couch, drinking PBR. She was sleeping upstairs. We would laugh and joke. I would show you memes I found on Tumblr while you showed me memes you found on Reddit. You asked me if we should take a walk, so I did. Tipsy at 2 am in the middle of the sidewalk, we kissed, and it felt magical. Brilliant. But also poisonous. We knew this couldn't be. What were we supposed to do with these feelings?

I love you, it's ruining my life I touched you for only a fortnight

You were the first one that made me feel desired and desirable. We would wrestle together, you said, just like brother and sister. I started getting stronger and came up with more techniques. But I realized I loved it because it made me feel closer to you. I think you did it to be closer to me, too. When I was sad, you would just hold me while I cried. I yearned for your embrace. We would go to my dorm, and you would cuddle me in your arms, and all my stress melted away. I would have lived lifetimes in your arms.

Thought of calling ya, but you won't pick up

Eventually, she found our messages. How you called me babe and said you loved me. Finally, after months of saying we needed to keep our distance, you listened. Both of us were devastated. I knew it was wrong, and I regret it always. But when you're in love, it's hard to think straight, see straight, and say no to someone who loves you.

I think about you from time to time. When I'm lonely or feel that desire to feel loved. You married her, and I live on the other side of the country. I don't even know what we would have in common anymore. Would I be proud of the person you became? Would you be proud of me? I am so different from how I was back then.

Seriously, I need to stop listening to this album/song late a night. This is in the past. It's over. It's done. But I feel empty.

[magdalenamimo]

In my Business?

Do you know your neighbors? Better question: do your neighbors know you? Well, mine does, against my will. I love keeping my nose to myself by maintaining minimal contact with them. But some long-nosed neighbors make it hard to do it.  

I remember the first time I moved into this apartment; everything was awesome. I was in paradise – everyone was a stranger, and I was a stranger to them. As a freelance writer, my residence area and work office are in my tiny house. I rarely come out, and I know that has bothered a lot of nosy neighbors. What does she eat? How does she take care of the bills?

Who will answer them? No one.

Two years later, almost half of the neighbors know me. Not a good thing. Time to move. Time to move out.

But, this story is about one neighbor who decided to mind my business openly, and I made it my business to ensure the business he was minding was concerning. He got my number, texted me, and we got to talking. Like others, he tabled his concerns that he doesn’t know what a jobless person like me survives. I must have a provider husband. That is when I realized that someone was concerned about my business. Let the circus begin.

“My life is easy. I am a ‘sugar baby,’ and my providers are many.”

“That is not the right way to live.” He countered.

“Well, the aim is to fight poverty by whatever means,” I replied. He began joking about it and asked me to share some cash with him. I refused because “this is my hustle as much as you wake up and leave for a job.”

Later, the topic changed. “how do you survive alone in the house? Loneliness must be killing you.” He asked.

At this point, I had already figured there was a high probability that I must have been a pillow-talk story with his partner. It was time to juice it. I am not a boring neighbor; I have to keep them engaged.

“I do not like people. I do not like people invading my space because they are visitors. The only people I allow in here are my family members.”

“And why is that?”

“I am a mean person. I hate how visitors make me uncomfortable. Also, It means I will have to go out of my way to cook for them, which will consume my time and resources. Unless they come with groceries and packed food, I will gladly serve them.”

“you are mean.” He replied and added that he now believes that there is more to people than what meets the eye.

I asked him to explain that, but he couldn’t and said it was just an observation.

True to my words, my siblings came to visit me last Saturday. They are kids. We must stay with them for this week leading up to Christmas Day. With them, I have to go out of my way and do things I do not normally do, like feeding them three times a day.

So, after the neighbor realized I had company, he began a conversation. Ooh, I remember where the context began. So, I am a big fan of memes. I posted this post that said, “Everyone deserves love. But to me, I deserve money.”

He replied below that post that now I am becoming greedy. Honestly, sometimes I feel that my encounters with him are boring. He is a boring human being, and I fear for his girl. He does not distinguish between seriousness and jokes; I feed off that. My joy.

I replied, “I do not care; I deserve money.” This conversation moved to the extent where I said that I was broke. I am confusing my enemies. Fun.

He asked if my sugar daddies were not satisfying my financial needs. I told him they were only two, and come the following year, my strategy was to increase the number to make them five. I touched the nerve I wanted. He responded, “Well, I understand we are in Nairobi and provided the kids with basic needs.” I quickly knew that he believed that these were my kids, which, according to him, justified my means to take care of them. After this conversation, I realized I live next to a nosy neighbor. Tell me how he knew there were kids in my house before 24 hours could end after their arrival?”

Playing dumb, “what kids?”

“Or do they belong to the neighbors?”

I left the conversation on read after deciding that I would not feed his nosy self with more pillow talk stories. So today, he texted that my house is full of joy. I said yes, as it should be.

“If you have children under your care, you must make a good mum.” He continued.

I told him that “they,” I did not say who, decided that I should practice caring for children and gaining first-hand experience. I thought that that would put the conversation to rest.

If wishes were horses.… And so, the dance continued.

Out of the blues, “I am sorry for the kids because you are only feeding them wifi,” he said. I did not understand how he came up with that. I thought he was joking, but no, he wasn’t. In the apartment, I am the only one with an internet connection, which I recently began sharing with some teenagers living in the house just below mine. I cannot shake the conviction that he also wants a share in my connection. If that was not the case, then the direction of that conversation blew me big time.  

I subtly replied, “You would be surprised how it satisfies.”

“Be serious. These are kids; they are not electronic gadgets. Wake up and make them an omelet!” Whoaa, a neighbor is concerned.

Mark you, we were already awake, and I had made breakfast for them. When alone, I do not make breakfast; it is not my thing. I am more of a one-meal-a-day person, and he knew that from a past conversation that resulted from his reply to my meme update. I posted a meme with a picture of an apartment at night. In this apartment, only one house had lights on. The caption read, “Me cooking at 3 am. Anytime hunger creeps in, I do not care what the time is; I am cooking.” He replied, and I told him I am not too fond of cooking. Honestly, I cook because I am hungry, not because I am a lady and should cook. That is part of why I dislike visitors: I will be out of my comfort zone.

My siblings are not visitors; they are my responsibility, and I go out of my way to satisfy them.

To reply to him, I said that if I am not hungry, why should they be? I was in my house and am the boss, so things will be done as I wish. He protested how these were just kids; they were not me and should not be subjected to such hunger.

“They should get used to these hardships. It is the way of life.” I replied.

“You do not have a heart.” That was the response I got.

So now it bothered me how some few minutes ago I could potentially make a great mother since I had these kids under my care to now being heartless. His response to that concern was that I had decided to starve them and make them “eat” WIFI. He proceeded to ask if I get my children, will I starve to hunger? He doesn’t know, but siring children is not on my to-do list, but I was unwilling to begin that conversation with him. The best thing to do was to say they would have to wait until I get psyched up to cook for them. After all, I am their mother and must live as I wish and want.

By this point, I knew he was overwhelmed by what he could learn about me. I made it my business to make sure that the picture he had of me in his head was concerning. At least I am fueling his social and love life by giving him stories to tell about a strange and heartless human being who cares less about the children living under her roof. Imagine coming across such a headline in the magazine. Would you afford not to read the story? I bet not.

He said he was sorry for the kids because this was their holiday, where they should eat, play, and gain weight. The concern was that come the next school season, they will be emaciated beyond recognition.

“It is an offense to gain weight with this bad economy,” I said.

“Whoa, “kwani” who are you.” He replied.

I decided not to reply further. That was enough tea to sustain him for the next few days. As it will for you. Adios.

[arcanescionmoved]

⌜ @independentzaun ⌟ ―― Caitlyn & Jinx ❝ MEME = ❝ Truth Serum! From Jinx at Caitlyn: Do you ever think about how even if it wasn't intentional you were still involved in me losing everyone I cared about, and being left utterly alone? I get that I pulled the trigger, but you were still involved.. none of us are blameless. ❞

Silence lingered on her lips, as she stared at Jinx who asked the question. Her feet were unmoving, standing in the neon lights of The Last Drop, face to face with the pink-eyed she-wolf. She didn't like the feel of the drug through her system, the way it compelled her to speak and revealed her innermost thoughts. It is not the truth that troubles her, it is being drugged into saying such words. A truth-seeker accepted the truth, no matter how ugly and painful it was.

"Our views are entirely different in this. You are the architect of your unhappiness. You always say that I'm a sister-stealer, that I stole something you cared about and wanted. But have you ever thought to step back and think of the fact that you can't steal love?" Caitlyn questioned as she lifted her hand and waved it to the left, using her hands as she spoke. "Vi is not mine, I do not own her or claim that she has to be with me and not you. In fact, when I broke her out of prison, she said she wanted to find her sister. I would have never stood between you two, but you can't seem to understand the fact that Vi can have both. She can have the love of a sister and a girlfriend at the same time. That kind of love does not lessen either. Love is not conditional on who you have, nor is it deemed specifically for one person. Do you think when a wife loves her husband, that that makes her love for her best friend any less?" Caitlyn questioned Jinx as she dropped her hand.

"Love is boundless, undefined by boundaries and limitations. The fact that you think that Vi can not love you because she loves me is your conditional boundaries which pushes her away, even though Vi has so many times tried to reach out to you and I never once would have stood in the way,"

She quieted down for a moment and shook her head. "As for Silco, as much of a problem as he was, the danger he possessed, I never once pulled the gun on him. I wanted to disarm, not to kill. As enraged as I was for the torture you put me through, the scars that still burn in my back to this day, and how much I wanted to kill you; I couldn't. Because if I did, that would make me as terrible as you," Caitlyn gritted her teeth as she closed her eyes and shook her head.

"I'm sorry if you think my involvement lead down this path of your loneliness but you know what; you did it to yourself. My involvement had nothing to do with why you lost everyone, because in the end; you choose your path. You choose who you are and who you wanted to be, and that is on you." Caitlyn pointed her finger toward Jinx before shaking her head and turning her back on the blue-haired woman. She would not stay any longer for her to ask her other questions and she needed to find a way to remove the serum from her bloodstream.

[jannwrites]

film ask meme : THE BROOD (1979) directed by DAVID CRONENBERG.

a selection of lines from the 1979 film the brood. modified slightly for rp purposes.

you're not looking at me, [name].

i guess you're just a weak person.

it makes me feel...guilty inside. 

i can't let the heart speak.

don’t speak to me. show me.

show me your anger. then i can understand it.

he's starting to get passionate about the whole thing.

she pretends the whole thing never happened.

there must be some other answer to what you've seen.

i guess you know, now, what it feels like. being blamed for everything. to have the past distorted, so you don't even recognize yourself anymore.

thirty seconds after you're born, you have a past. and sixty seconds after that, you start to lie to yourself about it.

i guess i've been indulging in a horrid bout of nostalgia these last few days.

you're being so unfair, sweetheart.

tell me the rest of the story that goes with this picture.

you're sure you don't want a story?

nothing's wrong, except with me.

he thinks that i'm turning into my mother.

that's very unfair of him. that's very arrogant of him.

i don't want you to think that i don't love you.

oh, god, i love you. but you didn't protect me.

you know, i was even thinking about going out to that old house again.

[name] encouraged my body to revolt against me. and it did.

i have a small revolution on my hands and i'm not putting it down very successfully.

are you saying that I'm just supposed to bury the girl's mother and not tell her about it?

sometimes it just kills me to think i might have screwed my kid up already.

we'll go up there together, and kick their ass.

i've a feeling i've just been recruited to babysit.

the thing was in the house. it was in the house all the time.

you bitch! you're killing my family!

this creature has never really been born.

i feel so guilty for my part in it. i wish it had never happened.

we had beautiful things, things that you couldn't understand.

we'll have them again, if you'd just leave him alone and stop poisoning him against me and taking advantage of his loneliness.

your life is just a little too complicated for me right now.

that's just fucking wonderful, don't you think?

i'll bleed for you. want me to bleed?

that's silly, right? repulses you, i can see that.

[name] knows i'm addicted to him and he doesn't care.

i think i must be getting stronger, because somehow, i just don't feel threatened by her anymore.

this is the first time i've seen the place.

somebody's following me. somebody's always following me.

he just got bored with the rest of us.

they'll kill you if you try to take her away from them.

they're the children of her rage.

i'm not going to be the only one to pay for that anger.

i thought you said you weren't going to come and see me while i was here.

i wish it were true. god, i wish it were true.

we lost touch. that's the only reason all this ever happened.

what's been happening to me has been just too strange. too strange for me to share with anyone from my old life.

i'm ready now. i wasn't before, but i'm ready now.

i seem to be a very special person. i'm in the middle of a strange adventure.

no, i disgust you. i sicken you.

you liar. you're lying. you're lying! i know!

you make them stop, or i'll kill you.

[diary-of-someone-invisible]

23rd October 2022.

Listen, I know we're going to be talking much less now as I'll fade into being a background character again. It will take me some time to be okay with that but I'll be fine. It's less about you and more about me though. I got used to having you around. Constantly. That's about to change. I am going to be pushed off the loneliness cliff. I think I'm hitting random rocks sometimes where I am able to stand but I fall off them pretty quick as well.

≈

Okay no, I'm back home now. So my sanity has slightly returned. So Instagram has been showing me weirdly relatable memes about BPD. There was one specific reel about Favourite Person concept. That brought on a chain of thought. I do take rejection pretty badly. Like with the slightest things I'm broken down. So the first was probably not reading long text post I send. I understand though. I am upset about it but I don't want to be. There are a lot of things I'm upset about but I don't want to be. So yeah, next was I noticed you stopped sending me memes. That hurt too. A really lot. Then was the birthday wish. I am absolutely aware that I told you that sending long paragraphs made me feel guilty but also I got used to them and honestly looked forward to it even though I knew this year I probably would not get it. I did not know I wanted it until I didn't get it. That was also something that felt off. I now realize that I do have fear of abandonment. When you mentioned you are dating her, it absolutely felt like you'll abandon me. You likely will not but you might. I think birthday incident was where I felt bad that I'd leave you alone or something. But then you telling me that you're dating someone threw me off the cliff. I went into a highly self destructive rage. I was making my death arrangements in my head. I would look for ways to kill myself everywhere. I was already convinced that you didn't want to talk to me at all before that but that one line punched me in the gut and at that point I believed that you'll never talk to me again. I do not know why I was overthinking so much. Or why the tiniest things broke me. I didn't want to talk to you ever again. But then for a few moments clear returned to my head and I decided to text you. You weren't angry on me. I swear it was like I was a different person in the span of an hour. Before your text, I literally wanted to drag myself to the bed and never get out again. After your text, I was the most bubbly and smiley person. I had happy tears in my eyes when I got to know that you were not angry. I then explained why I thought so. The last thing you said was 'fuck you for thinking that'. I don't even need to check the message, that is the exact wording. Given my poor memory, remembering exact wording is a lot. Since you didn't reply or react to it, I believed that this time I did it. Maybe you weren't angry before but you are now. And that was a mess too. And even as I type this message, I do not intend to tell you any of this. So tomorrow, I'll call you. I'll ask you about your updates. I'll ask you about her and I'll listen to it all and feel happy for you. Because you absolutely deserve someone who makes you happy and I believe she does. It will kill me a tiny bit but I'll do it anyway. I don't think I have anything to add still. The next few calls we have are probably going to be the last ones. Not because I don't want to talk to you or that we can't be friends. Hopefully it is because I'll be dead soon. Also, we did cross a few lines that we should not have and I would be uncomfortable with being around you when you're attempting to make a connection with someone else. I am reliving a lot of it and I really hope I don't burst out tomorrow. You're going to crush me tomorrow and I hope I am prepared for it.

[thelastpilot]

Your passion burns brilliantly and warms my soul for the joy you have is infectious. Your hands craft the most amazing works of art as they are shaped with your sharp mind. Aphrodite takes form as the aspects of everything we see beautiful, and I know if I were to see her she would have your eyes. They shine as beautiful as your soul, for it is full of kindness and light up in blinding joy when you are happy. I hope that you are always blessed with happiness, so others may see you shine bright.

“Aphrodite takes form as the aspects of everything we see beautiful, and I know if I were to see her she would have your eyes.” 

Dude, oh my god... warn someone before you write something like that. my god, the prose... the pacing the LOVE the tender language. my god my GOD. 

listen to me, my love, a lost timeline, listen. When i first heard that every eventuality must exist my heart broke. Because I realized there were a million love stories I would never get to see. And i knew in my heart that every version of me that got to be with you would cry to hear it too. They would cry to know there were any space in the universe in which I might be left without you. 

[in-tua-deep]

idk if you still do au ideas but what if delores was a real person in the apocalypse? how it woul dbe done i have no idea but i love all your aus and thought it would be cool

okay okay I don't tend to go for real!Dolores aus admittedly because I find her much more compelling as what she is: a reflection of five himself and a symptom of his crushing loneliness

but i started thinking about it and you know what?? i think five deserves a little socialization, as a treat

so say like, 0.5% of the population is resistant to abilities. Allison would really struggle to rumor them, Five wouldn't be able to jump with them, and, most importantly, whatever the fuck Vanya's ability does has like, reduced damage or something

and the og apocalypse isn't the moon apocalypse, so let's say that it was pure waves of Vanya's powers that fucked over the earth

so 0.5% of the population survives the apocalypse. though, let's be honestly, the real number is a lot smaller than that. People who might have survived Vanya's initial power wave (miraculously) did not survive buildings crushing them or survive the car/plane/bus/train/other transportation crashes or survive being left alone when they are too young to reliably look after themselves, or the variety of other problems that come with 99.5% of the population dying at once

So, Five arrives in the apocalypse and is met with ruin and fire and a whole lot of dead people. He finds his siblings, but it doesn't matter. They're dead. He doesn't even recognize them at first, these strange grown-ups who he identifies not by their faces but by the umbrellas on their wrists that match his own

As he realizes the full impact of his situation, he hears a voice that says, very succinctly, "holy shit!"

It's a girl a few years older than Five himself, maybe 15 or 16, and she is very excited to see another survivor.

And here's where I u-turn this au around bc i'm not all that interested in real!Dolores, but I would be down to talk about Five meeting survivors in the apocalypse, because if Dolores is real I don't buy no one else survived.

So Dolores shows up and see a Literal Child crying over the corpses of his family and assumes that Five is a fellow survivor, and she immediately grabs him up. Five is incoherent with grief at this point anyway, so he doesn't even protest when she basically hauls him away from the bodies. She's babbling at him, but he doesn't really hear anything she's saying

And then she takes him to her dad

(Why not, let's have the 1% potentially be a heritable thing)

and her dad, let's call him just some dad name. like Rick. it has been a fucking WEEK for him, okay. he had his daughter with him, his ex-wife is on the other coast for her work, and by some miracle he survived the apocalypse and so did his child, and he's been wracking his brains trying to figure out what the fuck to do next

and then his daughter shows up with a traumatized thirteen-year-old in tow

now rick is a good dude. he's a dad. they get out of five that his name is five ("what the fuck" dolores mouths to him over five's shoulder and rick can't help but agree) and the bodies he found were his siblings ("Dad and Ben and Vanya weren't there though," this child cries desperately and rick feels his own heart clench in response, "They might still be alive!")

"We can look for them." Rick assures his new adopted child, because he is an adult in a fresh apocalypse and this kid has presumably lost everything he's ever known (more than rick even knows at the time)

and they do. They each get wagons and they go out and find supplies and look for other survivors. Five is... surprisingly helpful and also surprisingly docile as he is able to rely on Someone Else to give orders while he attempts to (dissociate) process what the fuck has happened

and here's the thing: Five prides himself on being independent, sort of. He's independent for a child soldier, but he's used to taking orders from a male authority figure and Rick happens to be just that

The first time that Five does something dangerous and Rick yells is a revelation

(Rick isn't sure if he hopes that Five's dad is alive or not, because if they find that man alive then Rick might just kill the jackass himself. Also like, Five is bizarrely knowledgeable out survival skills, like way too knowledgeable about it, which is helpful for them but also very concerning)

they find a newspaper and Five finds the article that mentions his father's recent death ("Huh. Heart attack." Five says, and there is no emotion in his voice)

(Years later, years later, Five and Rick talk. "I don't think I wanted to find him, either." Five admits, softly because Dolores is asleep, "I think I was more scared of finding him alive than I was of finding his body. He would've been so mad at me, I think.")

this newspaper is how Rick and Dolores find out about Five being Number Five, Umbrella Academy Missing Person

"Dude, what the fuck." Dolores says, wide eyes, "You're like, thirty?"

"I'm thirteen." Five says, and then checks the date on the newspaper again, "Also I think I would technically be 29 if I lived through all of it, 'cause it's April and my birthday is in October."

"You... time travelled?" Rick asks, which is honestly the more relevant question, "Can you go back?"

And Five just,,, crumples on himself. Because he tried, he tried really hard. It didn't work. "I'm gonna figure it out. I'm gonna go back, I'm going to save them."

That, Rick thinks, is a lot of weight to put on one person's shoulders, but especially the shoulders of a child.

"Alright." Rick says, because what else can he say after finding out his new child has superpowers and is from like, 2004? "What do you need?"

("Oh my god I have so many memes to teach you." Dolores says later, reverently. Five blinks in confusion and Rick mentally prepares himself for the recitation of so many vines)

And it's easier, somehow. Five sometimes feels like it's a betrayal, but he settles into apocalypse life with an ease that surprises him.

He lets Rick fuss over him and help tie his scarf securely around his head every morning before he sets off on supply runs with Dolores. And they're kids! Five has never had a friend before, and Dolores is funny and smart and she's struggling just as much as he is.

"I don't know if my mom's alive." She says to him, in solidarity when he checks the face of every corpse to see if they're Vanya.

Five is practical in the way only a child soldier can be. He's economical with the room in their wagons, carefully examining what might and what might not be useful.

Dolores, on the other hand, constantly takes up space with what Five sees as useless shit.

"Excuse you," Dolores says, shoving a game of monopoly, the entire discworld series, and a pack of glitter gel pens into her wagon, "These are absolutely vital apocalypse supplies."

She challenges him, plays with him in a way no one ever has. "I bet you I can find more batteries today than you can," She grins at him, "Winner gets to pick dinner first?"

"You're on." Five says, directly before Dolores pulls two packs of 24 AA batteries from behind her back, like a cheat.

Dolores makes him take a ten minute break when they find a playground that has been mostly not-destroyed. They rummage around kids backpacks and mother's handbags for some good loot, too numb to corpses to even be bothered all that badly about the corpses they belong to.

"I'm getting on the swings." Dolores says when Five starts making noises about moving on, "I haven't been on a swingset in ages."

"What's the point?" Five grumps.

"Don't be sour because you can't swing as high as I can!" Dolores laughs, getting higher and higher as the swings creak ominously.

Five grumpily gets into the other swing and grudgingly kicks himself back and forth until Dolores takes pity on him and teaches him how to properly move his legs and body to get higher and higher.

Dolores jumps from the swing seat and lands with a flourish and smile. Five jumps out of his seat and then jumps, warping right in front of Dolores and making her yell and hit at him in outrage. Five smiles the widest he has all week.

This is how Five grows up in the apocalypse, with Dolores teasing him into taking breaks and leaning over his shoulder to look at his math and scandalizing him by stating that she'd only just started on matrices in her own high school math class.

Every night they huddle around Rick while he picks up whatever book Dolores picked out that day because it is a travesty that Five has never read hunger games or whatever, and then they read together because it would be a genuine blood bath if they all took turns. The first time Five accidentally mentioned a spoiler and Dolores genuinely considered murder was the birthday of this tradition

Some days the air is too smoky or there are dust storms or it's just plain too dangerous to go out, and they all stay in. Dolores regales Five with stories about public school, and Five tells them about his siblings.

Then they all cry

"I shouldn't be crying." Five sobs.

"Shut the fuck up," Dolores sobs back, "You literally watched me lose my shit over remembering my shitty eighth grade dance and listened to me sob-sing toxic for like four hours."

"In fairness I also wished you would shut up then."

"Let me hug you or I will start singing songs that I only remember the chorus for again you absolute fucker."

"I could always sing some -"

"No, Rick/Dad."

And Five grows up. Rick shows him how to shave very carefully in front of cracked mirrors. Dolores teases him every time his voice cracks. Rick tells Five in no uncertain terms that he loves and cares for him, and that Reginald was a little bitch. There are a lot of heartfelt conversations around that, honestly. Rick telling Five that he and the siblings deserved better, that they were children and deserved to have a childhood.

And that he has faith in Five. Rick and Dolores both do, they bring him back paper and pens and pencils and chalk and anything Five can use to write equations. They poke around any libraries for books on theoretical mathematics and quantum physics. Rick and Dolores go out scouting for food while Five stays home and can work longer.

They also make him take breaks, make sure that he's looking after himself.

They're a little better off than OG!Five when it comes to food, because some animals survive. Enough that Rick figures out how to hunt. Five is the first one to each bugs, and even though Dolores makes faces they all start eating bugs as well.

"Pretty sure there's loads of cultures that eat bugs." Rick says grudgingly, wondering if he should try stirfry the cockroaches and if that would improve the taste. "There's even, uh, cricket flour or whatever, right?"

"Plus you eat like, five spiders a year when you're asleep." Dolores says cheerfully, just to watch her dad's face scrunch up in displeasure.

"That doesn't sound true, but I don't know enough about spiders to dispute it." Five mutters, and Dolores gives him such a proud look that it makes him roll his eyes.

They're in their thirties when Rick dies. He's out foraging and hunting, and the rubble he's standing on gives way and he ends up with a gash in his leg. He manages to stop the bleeding, but the world is filthy and they don't have any antibiotics.

He gets an infection.

"It's okay." He tells both of his kids, "It's okay. I'm just so glad that you guys have each other, y'hear? I'm so glad."

"It's not okay." Five says, voice thick and choked, "It's not."

"Yeah, well, you're going to figure out how to go back, right? Go back in time and save everyone. Then I'll have never died, right?" Rick smiles, "And even if you don't, I'll be waiting for you on the other side and we'll see each other again anyway."

"I'm going to fix it."

"I know. I have faith in you, Five." Ricks says honestly, and that's more than Reginald ever said.

They sit quietly together while Dolores is out scavenging. They've been taking turns sitting with Rick.

"I won't remember you, in the past, will I?" Rick says rhetorically, but Five answers anyway.

"I don't think so."

Rick hums, "Well, doesn't matter. If you need help in the past, you come to me, y'hear?"

"You won't remember me."

"Doesn't matter. You come find me, and you tell me your crazy story until I believe you, and then I'll help you." Rick says firmly, "You're family. You're my son. Timelines? Don't matter. If you need help, with anything, even if it's just with - with filling out a bowling team or something -"

"I have never been bowling in my life and you know it." Five interrupts, but it makes him laugh just a little bit which was clearly Rick's intention.

"Well who knows what you'll get up to in the past! You'll be able to go bowling, you know. Get to wear those uncomfortable shoes. Hey, you go far enough back maybe you can go to Dolores's tenth birthday party and put me out of my misery."

"Was she bad at bowling?"

"Oh, she was wiping the floor with me. No contest."

"Honestly, that sounds absolutely accurate."

"Shut up, bowling just wasn't my sport. Regardless, the point was that I'm giving you a free pass to come and get me. Because I know you, I know how you think." Rick brings up his hand to tap his finger against Five's forehead, "You get it into your head that you need to go it alone, take it all on your shoulders. I'm telling you that if you do that I'll somehow manifest my memories and come smack you over the head for being stupid, you hear?"

"I'm not dragging you into anything." Five says firmly, "I'll have my siblings."

"Who were also children." Rick points out. "And dragging? Dragging is such a strong word for a volunteer."

"A volunteer who won't remember volunteering." Five shoots back.

Rick just shrugs, and then winces when the movement jolts his bad leg. "Five, I'm going to be honest with you here. And sappy. Can you handle a bit of sappiness for a minute?"

"No."

"Well too bad. Can't leave a dying man, you'd feel too bad. So you're stuck with me. But you listen good, okay? Because you aren't dragging me into anything. Whatever life you have, I want to have a part of that. Because you're my son. Wherever you are, whatever you do, I want to help because you're family. What you'd be doing by leaving me out of it is depriving me of someone I love, depriving me of knowing one of the best kids I've ever known."

"Shut up." Five says, choked.

"Nope, it's sappy time." Rick states, "Maybe asking you to come find me is selfish, but I don't care. No matter what version of me exists, I want to be in your life."

"My life is a walking joke, why would you want any part of that?"

"It has been my privilege to watch you grow up. To help you. To be here for you. Of course I'd want to be there to watch you grow up the rest of the way."

"But -"

"Shut up, just let me tell you that I am so proud of you. You never give up, and your heart is so big. You love so much and so loudly, and it's been the highest honor of my life to be included in your family."

Five pauses for a moment to collect himself before simply saying - "You're the best dad I've ever had."

Rick snorts, "Considering my competition, I'd sure hope so. That bar was so low old Reggie was practically limbo dancing with the devil. Now get over here and give an old man a hug."

They don't bury Rick, when he dies. They don't have time and the ground is too hard and they don't have the heart to move him. Instead the pack everything up and seal him in the shelter they'd lived in.

Dolores pulls out a bottle of ancient nail polish and painstakingly writes Rick's name on the wall with his birth year and an approximate current year. They aren't 100% sure though, since time blends together out in the apocalypse, but it's something.

They continue by themselves. They get older.

Dolores jokingly calls him her husband because the way his face scrunches up makes her cackle. They see other people very occasionally, usually passing through. Usually groups. Dolores and Five get to flex their hosting skills, though more than one group declines their cockroach stirfry.

("It's a family recipe." Five says with amusement in his eyes that usually manages to drown out old grief.)

"Jeeze, that kid couldn't have been older'n twenty-three." Dolores complains, "Makes me feels positively ancient."

"They wouldn't have known any world 'cept for the apocalypse." Five muses, pouring some boiled water into wine glasses because they might be living in the apocalypse but they can be fancy.

"Do you ever think about that?" Dolores asks, turning to him with no judgement, just curiosity. "When you go back, you'll be like, erasing them from existence."

Five shrugs, "Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe this place will just split off into an alternate timeline."

"Maybe none of this is real." Dolores says, amusement coloring her voice. "Maybe you aren't talking to a real person at all. Maybe this is just a symbol of your insanity and cracked mind."

"Dolores, I literally have a scar where you stabbed me. Did I somehow manage to stab myself in the back?"

"Scraped you, I scraped you. By accident."

"So you maintain." Five says haughtily, swirling his water in his wine glass like a pretentious prick.

"I could totally be fake. You don't know my life."

"I know way too much about you, Dolores. Like, way way too much." Five scoffs, because Dolores and him have literally no secrets from one another at this point. Five even knows the truth behind what happened at Janet Scranton's thirteenth birthday party. Like, he said, way too much.

"Maybe you made it up. Maybe that's why you know so much."

"Dolores, I'm going to be honest with you right now." Five presses the tips of his fingers to his chin, "If you were a figment of my imagination, you would be so much better at math."

"Hey!" Dolores squawks indignantly, "I didn't even get to finish high school you pretentious prick!"

"Neither did I!"

"You didn't even go to high school, you brat."

"I'm fifty-two I think I've outgrown 'brat.'"

"Tell that to your attitude." Dolores says haughtily, "You're still younger than me."

"Won't be when I go back in time." Five says cheerfully, completely ignoring Dolores's venomous look.

"That's cheating."

"Sucks to suck." Five says loftily, taking another sip of his water.

Sometimes they talk about The Plan, with capital letters. What Five is going to do when he goes back in time, depending on when he pops out. Is he going to adopt his siblings? What about Reginald?

"You don't think I could kill Reginald?" Five says, holding a hand to his chest in mock offense.

"I think you should let me do it. I'll even give you control of tonight's music if you do."

"What are you doing to do? Bite his ankles? What if you're like, seven or something?"

"All the better to get away with it since I'll be too young to convict or whatever."

"Pretty sure that's not how the law works."

"How would you know? Just for that I'm playing Istanbul on repeat again."

"I don't know why you think that's a threat. That song slaps."

It takes a few more years before Five is close enough that the Commission comes to interfere. Because that's what I think happened - Five was getting too close and they stepped in because they might as well distract the man as much as they can with missions, right?

So the Handler shows up. And she offers Five a job, telling him that they have the ability to travel through time. And Five - hesitates.

"Give me some time?" Five asks, and the Handler graciously gives him 24 hours.

And he and Dolores talk it over, because now that his goal is more in sight than it has ever been and Five is scared.

"What are you waiting for? You have the chance to see your siblings again." Dolores says patiently.

"Yeah," Five says, and what he doesn't say is clear. But I won't see you.

"Five." Dolores says, and she cradles his face between her palms like he is something precious, "I have had so much time with you already. More than I would have ever. We have been so lucky, to have this time. How can I demand more than what we have already been given?"

"When have you ever not demanded the world, Dolores?" Five asks, his own hand coming up to cover Dolores's own.

"We've had decades together, Five. We're getting old. I was always going to lose you, one way or another. Nothing lasts forever."

"I don't want to lose you."

"I know. But if I had to choose a way, if I could decide where our story ends, this would be it. Letting you go, because this way you get to live. You get to see your family again. You get to save the world. I could ask for nothing more than for you to get your happy ending."

Five removes Dolores's hand from his cheek so that he can cradle it between them, "I'm happy here with you. I've never been happier. Isn't that silly? That I was happier in the apocalypse?"

"I bet killing Reggie would make you happy." Dolores laughs rustily.

"One day you're going to see the mysterious disappearance of a famous billionaire in the paper and feel a twinge of satisfaction and now have a clue why." Five laughs as well, shaking his head.

Dolores pats Five's hands, "Five, look at me. We've had our time. And you're going to give me even more of it. More time with my father. More time with my mother. I'll never know it, but you'll have saved me."

"What if this is - what if this is an alternate reality? What if I leave you here alone?"

"Then you'll be saving a 15-year-old girl from the same fate as me. Because as much as I love you, as much as I have loved this time we have had together, this is still an apocalypse. This should never have happened, and if you have a chance to go back and prevent it, then I want you to take that chance with both hands."

"Even if it means leaving you alone?"

Dolores smiles at him, "I'm not going to be alone. Far too many creepy crawlies in the apocalypse for that."

"Shut up, I'm being serious."

"Hmm." Dolores hums consideringly, "Maybe I'll head North, to that new settlement that last group said they'd heard word of. Sure they'd find some use for an old woman who's survived this long in the wilderness."

"You can have my half of the record collection." Five says, pulling her against him into a hug that she easily returns.

"As if I wouldn't have stolen them as soon as you left." She scoffs, but it's a little wet, and Five pretends his own eyes aren't leaking tears.

When The Handler comes back, Dolores gives him another hug. She also slips something into his pocket - some photos. They'd taken it a year into the apocalypse, when Dolores had found an ancient looking polaroid camera and towed it home despite Five's protests about practicality. The photos are worn and faded at the edges, but the smiles on Five's little apocalypse family's faces are undeniable.

"You'll have to see if they magically fade when you change the timeline." Dolores whispers to him with a grin, "Like in the movies."

"Okay." Five whispers back.

"You have the list of movies to watch, right?" Dolores says. Five rolls his eyes and nods because he wrote the list last night into his Vanya-book while Dolores hovered over his shoulder and critiqued his handwriting.

"And you promise to try a proper non-expired twinkie at some point?"

"That I do not promise. I think even looking at one would make me lose my lunch. I have twinkie-trauma."

"Shut up and get going." Dolores says, because the Handler is starting to tap her foot impatiently.

And off Five goes to become an assassin. Though - he's much more gentle this time. He's careful, he doesn't kill children and he usually takes jobs that don't require killing at all. He distracts and manipulates events as much as he can without killing.

He's actually much more well socialized, thanks to Rick and Dolores. Less feral child and more determined man on a mission.

Which is why he's so frustrated when he finally, finally manages to get the equations to work and falls through and falls - directly back into his stupid thirteen-year-old body.

"Shit." Five says, loudly, and revels in the surprised look on his siblings faces.

He strides into the kitchen, and they all follow him like ducklings. They look exactly the way they did when they died.

"Wow this is actually way harder than I thought it would be." Five muses, looking at their dead faces. But as Dolores would say, life is hard but you have to keep on trucking sometimes. "Whatever, what's the date?"

"Five, where have you been?" Diego demands, looking irritated. It makes Five snort in amusement.

"The future. The past. If you want like, an exact list of dates you'll have to hold your horses. I spent like, two weeks in Peru once. No souvenirs though, unfortunately."

They look taken aback, like they didn't expect Five to have quite this much sass. Oops. That is definitely Dolores's influence. Or maybe he was always a little asshole. In fairness, what teenagers aren't tiny assholes? He has an excuse.

"What the fuck does that mean?" Diego's eyebrows are furrowed in anger. It kind of takes Five aback for a second, because he remembers a Diego who stutters when he argued.

"When did you learn the fuck-word?" Five asks, raising an eyebrow before her can help it, "Grace ought to wash your mouth out with soap."

Diego immediately goes red, "Shut up!"

"Wow you're so easy to rile up. Aren't you like, twenty-something? Actually, I could figure out for myself how old you are if you gave me the date."

"I'm twenty-nine." Diego growls, like that was the point.

"Haunting!" Five says cheerfully, because that means there is way less time than he would like, narrowing his time down to a six month window.

It's extremely funny how his cheer makes all of them make faces.

It's Klaus who leans forward, "Why do you need to know?"

Klaus's face is open and curious and - (looks exactly like he did when Five found him all those years ago) - and Five can't help but answer him. "The world end on April 1st, 2019. No it isn't an April Fools joke, yes I have heard that joke like a million different times. I just want to know how close I landed so I can, you know, start working on how to fix that."

"Woah woah woah, roll it back." Allison says, holding a hand up, "What?"

"The apocalypse occurs on April 1st, 2019." Five says, slowly. "I have traveled from afar to prevent this from happening, because like, everyone dies."

"Everyone?" Vanya says weakly from the side.

She's clearly expecting to be ignored, so Five turns his head to address her directly by wiggling his hand back and forth a little. "Sort of. Like, not too many people survive at all. A handful of the human population, you know."

"But you survived?" Diego recovers admirably, if bitingly.

"Well, no." Five says rolling his eyes, "Wouldn't you just know it, Klaus here has managed to figure out a new ability!"

Everyone turns to look at Klaus, who immediately holds up his hands like he's being arrested or something, "I did not!"

"Wonderful! Now that we've established that I'm alive -"

"Why should we trust a word you say?" Luther says for the first time, looking pensive.

Five blinks, genuinely taken aback. "Because... I'm your brother? Because I can clearly and obviously time travel? Like, yeah, it would have been more convenient if I'd arrived in like, my old-body for proof-purposes, but like. I mean. Thirteen is still a pretty convincing age to be to prove time travel considering if I hadn't, I would be like, almost thirty."

"Roll it back again." Allison says firmly, "What do you mean by 'old body'?"

"Great question!" Five says pointing at Allison and smiling. Everyone looks at him weird again, and Five takes a moment to wonder if they've ever experienced positive reinforcement. Knowing Reginald, probably not. "Wait! Is Reggie alive? Wait, no, answer that in a second. Uh. When I time traveled I fucked up my body I guess, I was like, old. White hair and wrinkles-type old from spending decades in the apocalypse. But I fucked up the calculations and got booted back to my thirteen-year-old body, I guess. How, I have no idea."

"What?" Vanya says, still equally weakly.

"You have no idea how fucked up time travel is." Five whispers conspiratorially to Vanya, loud enough for the whole table to hear, "There are so many ways to die. Or permanently tear a hold in space time. But like, with life as we know if ending soon-ish, I figured I couldn't possibly fuck it up worse than it already was, y'know? Speaking of, anyone have the date again?"

"Wait, what was that about dad?" Luther asks, very focused.

"Oh, you still call him dad? Big oof." Five says automatically, because apparently his verbal filter is shot to hell after living with Dolores. It does make Klaus bark out a too-loud laugh.

"What does that mean?" Luther asks aggressively.

"It means Reginald sucks and doesn't deserve the title of 'dad,' what did you think I meant?" Five asks, and now both Diego and Vanya and both cracking smiles, though Vanya is covering hers with a hand.

"Have some respect for the dead." Luther growls, standing up and looking very large and threatening.

Five sways back, craning his head up, "Woah there big buy, sit down before I injure my poor growing spine looking up at you. Jeeze, did Reggie force feed you steroids or something? I wouldn't put it past him but like, I just want to know he at least went over the side effects of the drug with you. Also like, thanks for narrowing it down. Also terrifying! Seriously though, exact date please because if I have less than 24 hours I am going to break down crying and that is a threat."

"I love this Five." Klaus says reverently.

"March 21st." Vanya offers, finally.

"Wow! Terrifying!" Five says, clapping his hands together, "Hate that. Ten days, huh? Well, who wants to get on board the save-the-world express?"

Klaus immediately flings his hand in the air, Five points at his brother appreciatively. "Yes, excellent! I'll take the volunteer in the lovely skirt as my first team member. Any other volunteers?"

"Danke!" Klaus simpers, grinning widely like this is the vest entertainment he's had in weeks.

"I'm not just going to stand here and listen to you badmouth dad and boss us around." Luther slams his hands on the table.

"Well not with that attitude." Five snarks.

Diego raises his hand, "I would like to join team fuck dad as well."

"We can certainly debate team names later." Five says, nodding wisely as Luther gives some sort of scandalized gasp.

"Honestly, I just want to see where this is going." Klaus confesses.

Five shrugs, because he doesn't really care about the reason. "Don't you want to prove me wrong them? Prove what a well-adjusted young man Reginald Hargreeves raised?"

"Shut up." Luther grinds out, looking a moment away from throwing a punch.

"If this is all true, I have to get home." Allison cuts in, looking concerned, "I have - I have a daughter."

"I mean, if you want to give Claire a world to live in then I'd stick around, but that's just me." Five shrugs.

"You know her name?" Allison asks, obviously taken aback.

Five is almost offended, "Uh, yeah. I have her photo as well. Y'all get on like, a bizarre number of gossip magazine covers did you know that?"

Allison manages to outdo herself in terms of being taken aback once more.

There's a beat of silence, and then Five turns, "Vanya? You in?"

"Me?" Vanya blinks, looking shocked. "What can I do?"

"Yeah, what can she do?" Diego asks, crossing his arms and suddenly looking grumpy.

It baffles Five, who scrunches his nose, "Uh, like, a lot? I assume? I mean. I'm going to be honest here, just looking at y'all right now is a lot. In more ways than one! Hashtag trauma and all that, but like, name a single one of you that wouldn't be the most obvious person in the room as soon as you walked into it. Except Vanya, who somehow manages to look like a well adjusted adult, by some miracle."

"Did you just verbally say the word hashtag?" Allison asks, looking so deeply confused.

"More concerned about the trauma he tacked onto there, but y'know, to each their own." Klaus immediately cuts in.

"You think I'm well-adjusted?" Vanya asks, looking oddly touched.

"I would like to direct your attention to Diego's leather pants-scowl combo and Luther's general aura of daddy-issues." Five says pointedly, "I can practically smell the tragic comic book backstory in this room. If I'd jumped back a decade earlier this would have been Batman's wet dream of orphan selection."

"Alright! Game plan!" Five says, waving Diego's knife in his hand.

Diego's hands immediately go to his weird harness looking thing, "Hey!"

"Give me just one moment to get the tracker out." Five rolls his eyes, "Then I'll give it back, I promise. Also if someone could ask Grace for like, some antibiotics that would be good."

"What?" Allison asks, directly before Five stabs himself and there is suddenly panic at the table.

"Relax!" Five says, allowing Diego to remove the knife from his hands. He doesn't need it anyway and his hand immediately drops down to root in the wound.

"Five what the fuck!" Diego yells, but Five just pulls up bloody fingers and waves the tracker into Diego's stupefied face.

"What the fuck is that, Five?" Allison demands, looking very shaken.

"I literally just said it was a tracker." Five points out, "Now, I think our first team activity should be voting on whether we destroy it or take it out to bumfuck nowhere and ditch it to confuse the Commission."

"What the fuck is the Commission?" Diego barks.

"Man. Maybe I should just hit up Rick." Five muses, "This is going to take so much explaining."

"Who is Rick."

"So much explaining."

[thefanficmonster]

corpse x reader headcanons where reader is a companion android that his sister bought for him? (android as in like in detroit become human)

Ooooh omg I love that idea so much! Here are some headcanons 🤗

~ Enjoy 💕

Companionship

Pairing: Corpse Husband x Android!Reader (Gender Neutral)

Warnings: Swearing, Mistrust, Angst 

Genre: Angst to Fluff, RPF (Real Person Fic)

- "Why can't you at least try to tolerate me? Won't that be easier than avoiding me when I'm in the same damn apartment with you? And this apartment isn't particularly large, mind you."

- "If the apartment isn't big enough for the both of us I'm not the one that should leave, you machine."

- Trying is your strong suit, not his apparently

- Not that it leads you to much

- It always brings you to this almost scripted exchange with Corpse

- Your tries are worth little when he is not willing to try too

- And by 'try' I'm talking about him actually giving you a chance instead of assuming you're evil and harboring a hidden agenda of killing him

- The thought is so fucking ridiculous to you but you can't really blame him for what's going through his head considering it's been implemented there by the news he hears and reads

- Sometimes you can't help but scoff at that: you're the android yet he's programmed by others more than you

- The media has brainwashed him into the side that fears your kind

- And what humans fear they aim to destroy

- And those not brave enough to destroy the potential threat settle for despising it with all their might

- Yeah, Corpse is one of them

- He spends the majority of the time in his recording room, pretending you're not there

- Thankfully, he at least understands his sister had only well-meaning intentions when she got you for him as a gift since she was moving to New York for college and didn't want him to feel so lonely

- There's the thing though, one thing you noticed despite his barriers and walls surrounding him: he's constantly lonely

- And, worryingly enough, he doesn't mind it whatsoever and doesn't try to do anything to change it

- You're an Android but you still understand the need a human has for a companion in their life

- But it all changed one night

- You saw him in a different light 

- When you heard him cry at some ungodly hour of the night

- That’s one human trait you think you’ve had since day one, before you even had any human interaction: compassion

- No matter how often or how hard he pushed you away, you still wanted to be there for him, still wanted to be the companion you were meant to be

- Because you too were lonely, but admitting that would lead nowhere considering no one would believe an Android can feel such an emotion

- So, with no hesitation, you immediately went to his aid, though your movements were cautious, unsure of how to handle the situation

- “Hey...what’s wrong, Corpse?” it was obvious he wasn’t ok so what was the point in asking him how he was doing, you just dug right into the issue

- “So much. So fucking much.”

- He proceeded to tell you all that’d been on his mind as of recent

- All that bothered him

- All that he hated about his life and himself

- And you just listened, each word of his hitting you in the device that served the purpose of a heart in your system

- You may not feel pain like humans do, but there’s a whole chunk of you that’s more human than most people and it was more than enough to feel for him and feel the need to comfort him

- Luckily, he let you

- And even more luckily: it worked

- That’s what changed everything between you

- That night’s events turned your companionship into something more alike a friendship and not the previous status of roommates who ignore each other

- One question he couldn’t resist though

- “How do you know what loneliness feels like? Did they program it into you when they made you?” Corpse asked after a long moment of silence following the drying of his tears

- You couldn’t help but laugh: “No silly, no ‘soft’ emotions were implemented in me when I was made. However, you yourself implemented that loneliness with your behavior. Imagine not being able to do the only thing you’re meant to do: be there for someone is that thing for me. And you refused to allow me to fulfill my duty. It made me feel useless and like a lost cause, you know.”

- Another long moment of silence followed meant for Corpse to process all you just told him. Such dark things with such a lighthearted tone

- “I’m so sorry” he said eventually, unable to look at you, “But...if we’re gonna be friends I don’t want you seeing it as a duty you must fulfill, Y/N.”

- “Deal!“ You surprised him with your enthusiasm, “But you gotta promise not to push me away cause it fucking sucks. I won’t kill you, my kind won’t take over the world, I’m not evil and I know how to work the washing machine, unlike you - I see no reason for us to not be friends.“

- This managed to get a laugh out of him, a genuine laugh that brought a smile to your face

- “Alright, alright, deal.”

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