#( genuinely so saddened they never met …. they would’ve been the best of friends … )

[kokoronohiroi]

google ENHANCE ENHANCE !!!

[delu-jean]

𝐖𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐅𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧

Oikawa x (fem!/reader) -> Angst -> 3.8k 

“She told me that she loved me by the water fountain. She told me that she loved me and she didn’t love him. And that was really lovely cause it was innocent, but now she has a cup with something else in it…”

Notes: This was for my 100 follower event! I will be closing it soon, but until then, if you’d like to request for an HQ boy, or any from the fandoms I write for, please feel free to request! 

-> Also, this one was a sad one. I recommend listening to the song, that way, you get the references made! 

-> Enjoy the Oikawa angst! ^^ 

“The water fountain…” he whispered. His lips were slightly ajar, parched, yearning for your presence. He was also frail, frail from the lack of composure, along with the crackling of his heart. 

“She told me that she loved me...by...by the water fountain,” he stammered, still not able to face the reality he was met with. 

“And she told me that she loved me...and she didn’t love him,” where did it all go wrong, when did it all go wrong, and why did it all go wrong? You told him that you loved him by that water fountain, but the only thing that seemed to flow...were the tears from him. 

---

You both were fairly young when getting together. Middle school, eventually led to highschool, and highschool...well...led to college. Oikawa and you were optimistic. Though he would be practicing (lots and lots), you wouldn’t be too far from him. Just a few dorms away. Not only that, but you both would see each other...every now and then You both were ecstatic. A new scenery, a new year, and a new chance for the both of you to experience the life of freshmen. Nothless, together. You both would be doing it together, closer than ever. 

Tooru was more than happy that you would get to cheer him on in college. It was always his dream to have a pretty girl praise him from the crowd, especially at the college of his dreams. The prime of his time, the best of his years, or...so he thought. 

When he brought you to his first practice, he didn’t like the sight as much as he thought he would. One of the middle blockers, Haru Tamagashi, was too...too friendly. He winked at you maybe three times during the practice. Making small flirtatious gestures, such as: smiling, waving, and indicating that all he wanted was your number. Of course, Oikawa was pissed, beyond that actually. But he decided to focus instead of fusing on his first day. 

That is...he tried to focus. At first, his attention was directed towards Tamagashi, and him alone. He had trusted you enough to know that you wouldn’t have responded...right? Even so, mid way...he couldn’t have helped but think of the thought: “what if?” What if you actually hadn’t deflected him, but were instead...enjoying his attention? He felt horrible for looking back, knowing that if he was wrong...he’d be the asshole for thinking twice. But unfortunately for him, he wasn’t...he was right during the time he wished he hadn’t been. 

The setter watched as your eyes followed the gentlemen. No hesitation whatsoever. It seemed as if you were interested in the game set before you. Not the match of course, but instead, the show Tamagashi had entertained you with. You yourself had waved back to him, smiling while also grabbing your phone. You were taking a video of the game, but Oikawa knew that it wasn’t of the court. No. It was of...him. The way your fingers pinched the screen, to the way your phone had moved to match his directions. It was obvious to say the least. Occasionally, you would’ve pointed the camera to Oikawa, smiling as he’d give you a frown. Only for you to return to recording the star of the show...dragging his morale as he’d eventually get hit in the face. Something that would never happen...especially if Iwaizumi was off court. 

“Oikawa, get your head out of the gutter!” 

“...” 

“Oikawa, did you hear me!?-” 

“Hey, pops, let him off the hook would ya?” Tamagashi said, while placing a hand on Oikawa’s shoulder. 

“I, how dare you-” 

“It’s the first day back, we could all use less of the hollering.” 

“Tch, five laps for you.” 

“Damn, alright. Welp, at least I got you off the hook,” the boy smirked, as Oikawa’s expression...wouldn’t change.  

“Well, see you soon. Also, I hope I can see you too!” he shouted while looking at you. Only for you to nod shyly. Oikawa could’ve sworn he saw a tint in your cheeks, but regardless, he was too upset to confront it. Even then, maybe he was over analyzing it. The dude didn’t know that you were his girlfriend, and after all, maybe he was just being self conscious. 

He was upset that he hadn’t trusted you at all during the game, and felt bad that he instead made you seem...villainy. Even though it might’ve just been his head all along. You see, Oikawa was the type of person who enjoyed praise. It fueled his ego alright, but in all truth, he had never felt like he embodied those expectations. 

Constantly pushing himself to be better, believing that he never was really that good. In this situation, he had thought that maybe those feelings...had come into play. Maybe the reason why he was thinking so much...was because Tamagashi seemed like everything he wasn’t. An outgoing, down to earth, charismatic person. He also might've been an even better player than he himself was. Not only that, but did he mention his hair? It looked amazing on him, along with the uniform. The creases folded on his body, each making his figure look...well, great. You could see his toned structure from a mile away, along with his sharp smile. One which struck confidence, and intimidation. 

And you...you looked like you could get with a guy like that. He seemed like a genuine person, and you were a genuine lady. One of which deserved a catch like him. He wouldn’t have denied that he pictured the image in his head. It felt sickening that he even brung up the vision, but even so...Oikawa tried pushing the thought away, thinking: 

‘Tch..whatever. He’s not that good looking anyways, Plus, he doesn’t know we’re dating...so I should tell him afterwards. But...that was nice of him to do. Yeah, you know what...maybe we could all be friends? Me, Y/n, and him?’ 

Maybe you all could’ve been, if only things had flowed a little different. If only the stream hadn’t gone off course, but instead, moved along to the water fountain. One with a secure, and sturdy future. One which wouldn’t have rusted, and collapsed in the moments to follow. 

“I’m back!” 

“Oh...you seemed tired,” he’d say, watching as Haru nodded. 

“Yeah, the old geezer isn’t fun sometimes...but he’s a nice person, I can guarantee that-” 

“Hey~” you’d smile, looking in Tooru's direction. He then lifted his hand, a soft, but saddened grin engraved onto his face. Only for it to turn into a sudden frown, as he then watched Tamagashi wave instead. 

“Well hello, doll~” you then chuckled, moving a strand to the back of your ear. Oikawa had only seen that on days where he’d made your heart sway, and yet there he was, watching as another man had done so instead. 

“Hey babe,” he’d say casually, catching your attention as you approached him. 

“Hi...Oikawa.” 

‘Oikawa?...not sweetie, or?-’ 

“Ahh, do you two know each other?” 

‘Now’s my chance.’ 

“Yeah, she’s my girlf-” 

“Haru, am I correct!? Thanks for doing that, I thought it was really nice for you to stand up for him like that.”

“Honestly, don’t please. It’s just something that I would do for anyone. Besides, I bet that you would’ve done the same for me, right Oikawa?” 

“Hm?...ah, I guess,” Tooru was now staring at you. He gave a stern look. One fueled with anger, and confusion. Yet it also had hints of remorse, and grief. Why had you cut him off, why hadn’t you called him by the name you usually did, and why were you putting the effort to talk with him?...Tamagashi? Just what exactly was running through that head of yours. One of which he thought he knew both in...and out. 

“Well...we have to go. So let’s leave Y/n,” he then grabbed your wrist, practically dragging you out of the arena. 

“Ah, see you two later then...I guess?” 

“B-bye Haru!” 

“Byee~” 

---

“What was that!?”

“What was what-”

“Why didn’t you call him kawa-kun, or baby like you usually do?”

“Tooru...you’re thinking a little much, don’t you think?-”

“Why did you cut me off when I was going to tell him that you’re my girlfriend?” 

“Love, I didn’t mean to-”

“But why did you!?” 

“Look, I was just trying to thank him. Plus, we needed to get going. So I thought to make it quick so that we could,” he’d then frown even more, not able to tell if you had told the truth, or, if you had made up excuses to get yourself out of this. He thought he knew what went on in that pretty head of yours, but at that moment, he wasn’t sure of what roamed around in that foreign land. The land, or rather...place he had called his home. 

He thought that your mind would’ve at least had a crevasse. One especially built, and reserved for him. One of which would’ve considered how he felt, or how the situation might’ve been interpreted. After all, not only did his thoughts roam endlessly for you, but so did the space in his heart. Regardless, it seemed as if it didn’t as you proceeded to tell him reason, after reason. 

“He was being friendly, and so was I.” 

“He’s your teammate, and I think it’s nice for me to get to know them.” 

“I love you regardless, so don’t worry.” 

“Regardless?...” What was that supposed to mean? Even though he would’ve wanted to question, his mouth just...wouldn’t allow it. So because of that, he dismissed the matter. Something he wished he didn’t do. 

---

Time passed and though he hated to admit it, he didn’t see both you, and haru, interacting as much as he did the first time. Though, it should’ve relieved him, it most definitely did not. Two things had him tied behind his back. One of them made him feel like a complete jerk for over-thinking, and the second was...that his thoughts had still made him over-think. For some reason, he still suspected the both of you. You both had minimal contact, making it seem like you never talked...but that was the thing, why would you have both stopped your talks? Just what exactly would have sparked such a thing? Still, maybe he was just over thinking. 

Regardless, he wanted to get the thought out of his head. He despised that it still lingered there, and that it wouldn’t be on it’s way. He hated the thought of confronting you. After all of that time, that trust should have been established. And even so, he still wanted to assure himself that it was there. So, he sat you down one day. Sometime during the winter where the snowflakes had fallen, along with his heart attached to many strings. Ones which you had placed, and ones which you would remove. 

“Hey babe-...Y/n.” 

“Hey Kawa...it’s been a while since we last met up…”

“Hm?...really?” the both of you hadn’t talked during the time period. Yes, you attended his matches, practices, etc...but then once he had finished you both made your separate ways. On the days where you both had expected to meet, one was busy, and the other was left on their own. Not making your situation any better. 

“Yeah...a month or two I think?” 

“Oh..I’m sorry about that,” he said, with a gruffed tone in his voice. He didn’t sound like he was doing too well, whereas you seemed just fine. “Why was that?” he wondered, well...it wouldn’t take him too long to find out “why” soon. 

“Hey baby…” a name which he hadn’t called you in so long, felt foreign to his mouth. Even though it should’ve felt...natural...along with your response. 

“Mhm?” you responded, reluctantly. That reaction was one he had never seen, not only that, but it was also one he wished he’d never witnessed. 

“I’ve had this thought lingering in my mind. I know it’s a little messed up...and I might be overreacting…” 

“Yes, what is it?” you immediately said, seeming anxious at the moment. 

“Well...it’s just that...there’s nothing between you and Tamagashi, is there? Aww see, I knew it would be dumb to ask,” he chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. Only your reaction...had made it plummet. 

Your eyes had widened at the statement. A cough escaped your mouth, along with a scare. One of which, also gave him a fright. There was no way he was right...especially about that out of all things. Why?...Why would you give him such a stare? Maybe it was out of surprise?...maybe even distraught that he would ever bring up such a question. One about your loyalty nonetheless. He wished he could’ve kept on making excuses, but couldn’t any longer as he then heard you say:

“N-no...where would you have heard such a thing? Did he say anything?...oh, he was probably joking. Joking is all, haha. No, I only love you silly, and you alone,” you said, to then grab his hand. 

For some reason, it felt off. The way your thumb caressed his skin, it was as if he could feel the guilt which had stroked against him. Why...why was that? He could obviously tell that you were guilty of something, but he wouldn’t confront it. Why...why was that? He obviously wasn’t up in his head, but still convinced himself he was. Why...why was that?...well...even if he didn’t have the answer, he would soon enough. In the way that he would’ve, yet wouldn’t have wanted it to be relayed. 

---

“YOU BASTARD! SO YOU HAVE BEEN GOING OUT WITH HER!?” 

“It was just a couple of kisses, besides, you have so many girls on your plate. I just took one off your hands, no biggie-” Oikawa then struck him across the cheek, furious about what he said. You weren’t just a snack anyone could take a bite out of. And heck, if you were a piece of food, you’d be a piece he’d preserve for as long as he could. One he would never touch because of the beautiful, intricate designs that were placed. 

“YOU SHIT HEAD! SHE’S MY GIRLFRIEND FOR FUCKS SAKE! EVEN IF YOU DIDN’T KNOW-” 

“Who said I didn’t?” he cocked a brow, making Oikawa widen his eyes. 

“What?...”

“The girl told me herself before coming in to kiss me.” 

“You’re lying, take it back. She would never-”

“Oh but she did. But don’t worry, she did feel bad at some point...but we were in too deep for her to back out-” 

“SHUT UP!” Oikawa then tried to punch his gut, but Haru stopped him midway. He grabbed his wrist, and held onto it firmly. 

“If anything, you should be thanking me.” 

“Thanking you!? Are you out of your mind!-” 

“Well, I am telling you the truth about your cheater of a girlfriend. Plus, I took her off your hands, so you're free to go to find someone new. I’ll let her go soon, so we both won’t have to deal with her-” 

“Shut it...shut it…” Oikawa repeated, unable to comprehend the news he had heard. 

“Please...be quiet.” 

---

“Tooru, I can explain!” 

“EXPLAIN WHAT Y/N!? THAT YOU MADE OUT WITH HIM MORE THAN ONCE!? THAT YOU DENIED MY THOUGHTS, MAKING ME FEEL AS IF I WAS WRONG!? OR THAT YOU ACTUALLY CHEATED ON ME!? I DON’T THINK YOU CAN EXPLAIN ANYTHING Y/N!” 

“You know what, MAYBE I CAN’T! AND I WAS SORRY FOR THAT!” 

“IF YOU WERE SO SORRY, THEN WHY...why did you do it?...” you then leaned against the door, not sure how to convey your thoughts. You hated the sight of Oikawa being so hurt, but you had your reasons for what you did. Though you yourself knew that conflict could’ve been avoided, you decided to plumit yourself right in it. Maybe it was because you wanted to catch his attention, or that Yamagashi had really attracted you. Regardless, what was done, was done. And you wouldn’t be one to deny such accusations aymore. 

“Look...you weren’t giving me the attention I needed...besides...Tamagashi had caught my eye.” 

“Caught your eye?...” 

“Yeah...even so...it felt wrong the first time I kissed him.” 

‘She kissed him?...so he wasn’t lying...she started things…’ 

“I told him that we were dating, and you know...I did stop myself before going any further. I truly felt lonely during the days that you were gone...and him being there, gave me comfort. In all truth, I had met him even before you introduced us. We were in the same English class...and things built up from there. 

He was just...so enticing, something I hadn’t seen for a while. But Oikawa, I still had strings attached to you, and didn’t want to throw them away recklessly. I’m sorry, I loved you, I truly did. But...that connection just...disappeared, along with the spark we used to have. I hesitated out of my affection for you, but I proceeded out of the tiredness that built up from this, us...again, I’m sorry Oikawa. I hope that,” a tear had struck down your cheek. He wanted to reach out and wipe it. Just why...why were you crying. Wasn’t he supposed to be the one tearing up? So...why were you?.... Even though that question should’ve been asked out of rage, it was instead asked out of remorse. Oikawa didn’t know how to feel at that point. He didn’t even know who he was, or...who he had been during that time given. 

All that he knew was that if you were willing to fix things, so would he. That if you ever came back to the water fountain, the one you tried so hard to build, even if the handle had rusted, he would do his best to fix it. You know, he thought to himself how he should’ve built a home for the both of you, but alas, your naive natures would’ve never sustained. He questioned if he truly was at fault, not sure as to what was what, and why exactly that was. 

“I hope that...you’ll be happy. I don’t expect you to forgive me, but yeah,” you then wiped your own tears yourself. Not wanting to add anymore emphasis to the drama at hand. You lied though. Of course you wanted him to forgive you. He was your first love after all. The only one you had grown up with. The only one you stood by. And the only one, you would truly be grateful for. But then again, you knew you didn’t deserve it (it being his forgiveness). 

Although you didn’t regret your choices, you most definitely did regret hurting him. If only talking had been an option, would you have taken it? Well...you would’ve assumed no. Being that it was one of the few options given. Still, watching him stand limply, tore your heart ever so slightly. Reminding you that he was both the sweet, and innocent boy you had hopelessly fell in love with. Not only that, but he was also the distant, and maturing man you had fallen out of love with. 

“You...have you forgotten what you told me by that water fountain?” 

“What do you mean-” 

“The one we built together...have you forgotten?...” In all truth, you didn’t have any recollection because all that you had remembered...was the empty home the both of you shared. One with no running water, nonetheless a water fountain. One built out of your young, and blinded dreams. One which was full of loneliness, and miscommunication. One which was full of “love,” and loads of wishful dreaming. One which you would always remember. 

“No Tooru...all I remember...is that empty place we called a home. One made when we were both naive, and one I had left when I matured. I hope you can do the same, and that...you have a great day,” you then started to walk away as he stood there, stunned. 

Instead of asking him to fix things, you instead deflected things. Running away as he spoke. Even so, even if it was only a wish, one of which he’d pray for, he would do his best to make it come true. He tried one last time. He jolted your direction, grabbed your wrist, and started pulling you in. Whispering in your ear: 

“I know that it’s only a wish, and that we’re not standing by the water fountain...but you told me that you loved me by that water fountain. It’s a shame that your cup...now has something else in it,” you then pushed him off you, but he wouldn’t let you go as he held your for the last time. 

Had Tamagashi held you the same way he did? He wouldn’t know, and in all honesty, wouldn’t have cared. He was too lost in his head to even think of the guy, and only thought of you. If only things had been different, would you have come back to him? To the place you both called a home? Sure, it might’ve started when you both were young, but it would’ve stood stronger with the years to come. 

Well...he would’ve never got to know, because things...would’ve never been different. He should’ve built a home with a fountain for you both, but he was too young to think such a thought. Just like how you were so young, too young to feel as lonely as you did. The moment that you told him you were in love, he was…: 

“Too young...I was too young,” eventually, he did let go. Not just of you, but the thought that you both could return to what you both had. There was no returning. If the handle was broken, what could he have done? Fixing one would need all parts, and if you were one of the essential keys, well...even with the right bolts, and screws, ones that could have replaced you, still wouldn’t have mattered. You missing, would never fix a thing. It could never make that fountain whole, regardless of the patches which tried to stitch up the flood. One of which would eternally flow...never ending...just like his love for you. 

He glanced at you one time. Just one last time would he stare at his sweet Y/n. The girl who had stuck through with him, through thick and thin. The only person who knew, and loved him for him. And the only woman, who had truly broken his heart. Not caring for him one bit while she tore it all apart. 

“You’re right...we were too young,” he said, glancing at the floor beneath him. 

“Yes we were, and I was right indeed.” 

---

“She couldn’t be at home at the night time because, it made her feel alone-” he choked on his sentence. Though he should’ve been fine, he wasn’t really. He had tried to shield himself with his pride, but it wasn’t working the way he had intended. Regardless, Oikawa realized how the distance between your hearts...was more distant than the distance between your dorms. He thought that moving colleges would’ve made you drift, but in reality, it was the blameless nature, and the naive mindsets you both had. Those innocent gestures...had turned into a guilty, and corrupted bondage. The bond you had both shared was one he would always remember. The only one which had reminded him: 

“That we’re not standing by the water fountain.” 

@glorii-chan @iworshipyelena @tsukkisaurousrex​

[xxdragonwriterxx]

🔥Scalding🔥

A/N: Hello everyone! So, this is actually my first ever Levi x Reader fic. I usually write IzuOcha stuff for MHA on my other blog, xxpadfootxx, but I decided I’d give this a shot. Nobody asked for this, and I apologize in advance if it’s shitty. Thanks for reading anyway, and I hope you enjoy! Requests are open if you guys like this stuff and I have more works on the way so stay tuned!

Warning: this is both angsty and fluffy and very long. I didn’t mean for it to get this long, sorry 😬

~~~ Levi felt nothing but numb self hatred. Blood stained his clothes, some of it even smeared in his hair. Sweat was slicked over his body, making him shiver as it cooled on his skin. Mud and grime covered him from head to toe, but for the first time in his entire life, he had very little desire to actually clean himself.

The Captain ignored everyone he passed, words were beyond him anyway, caught in his throat as he struggled to breathe. He knew to other people he looked almost unaffected, his head held up high and his stride unfaltering as he made his way through the Survey Corps headquarters, but on the inside, he was a raging mess, his emotions threatening to boil over at any second. 

Nobody noticed how his gaze seemed just slightly less focused than normal. Nobody noticed that the look on his face was not his usual scowl, rather, that the lines were deeper, angrier as he battled with his own heart. Nobody noticed how his shoulders were almost imperceptibly slouched, everyone too caught up in their own grief and affairs to worry about the person they all thought was made of stone, the person they all thought was emotionless, cold, and unfaltering in his strength. Nobody, but one.

(Y/N) (L/N) was walking beside her fellow Squad Leader, Hanji, pretending to listen to the bespeckled woman talk about their new plan of attack on the Female Titan, her entire attention focused solely on the raven-haired man walking towards her. Levi bypassed the two of them without any sign that he had even seen them, his eyes slightly clouded, his mind obviously preoccupied with more important thoughts than what was going on around him.

(Y/N) glanced around her, her (e/c) eyes scanning the faces of the soldiers walking around nearby, searching their expressions to see if any of them were paying attention to the emotional state of their Captain, to see if they could even tell that something was clearly wrong with him. A quick survey of the room told her that she was the only one who had noticed. It didn’t surprise her much. 

It saddened her a bit, but she wasn’t surprised. Levi was excellent at hiding what he was thinking, shuttering the emotion in his expressions, and standing up tall despite the obvious weight on his shoulders, the emotional burden he carried. But (Y/N) had known him since her time in the Underground.

The pair had met when they were both very young, fending for themselves after Kenny had abandoned Levi, (Y/N) hiding him in her ramshackle hovel of a home when he was running from the merchants he had thieved from. They had quickly come to realize how effective they were as a team, surviving together until they met Farlan and eventually Isabel. They had been busted together, brought up to the surface together, fought in the expedition together that had resulted in the deaths of their two closest friends, the pair refusing to be separated by anything, no matter what. 

Now they were both high ranking officers in the military, having gone through the worst of the worst together. She knew Levi was the best at suppressing his emotions, no matter how strong they were. But he could hide nothing from her.

(Y/N) didn’t say a word as she gently placed her hand on Hanji’s shoulder, her way of wordlessly excusing herself, before turning on her heel and following where she had seen Levi disappear around the corner.

____________________________

Levi’s mind was on autopilot as he stepped into his private bathroom, reaching into the shower to turn the water to scalding without really thinking. Slowly, he peeled off his uniform, wincing slightly as the dried blood pricked his skin as it was ripped off of him, and threw it in the corner, his mind so hazy he didn’t care about the mess.

When he was bare, he stepped under the spray, wincing as the water seared his back. He held in his scream of rage, his sob of despair, merely hanging his head and standing under the shower head, the water sluicing off his body and the steam fogging up the entire bathroom. 

It was his fault. All. His. Fault. He was their Captain, had been, at least. They had depended on him and he had failed them, watched them as each of his squad was crushed underneath the Female Titan’s rage, their faces contorted in fear. The image of their lifeless eyes, their broken bodies, their flesh stained with blood as they laid in puddles of their own intestines, or hung from tree branches, half of their bodies hanging on an entirely different branch from the other half. Eld, Gunther, Oulo, Petra… they were all gone and he was to blame.

 A small whine escaped his lips despite his efforts to suppress it, his body beginning to shake despite the scalding temperature of the water. All his fault. He was useless. Fucking useless.

Everyone he cared about he was destined to lose. He could see that now as memories of his friends and family flashed in his head. His sweet, abused mother, cooing to him gently, before the memory shifted to the moment of her death, when he was wearing one of her blouses and begging her to wake up, fat tears rolling down his small cheeks. His best friends, laughing and teasing him, loving him despite his surly attitude, before the memory shifted to Isabel’s decapitated head lying lifelessly on the ground as he stared at it, horrified. 

And now his squad, the bright memories of them following him dutifully, training by his side, following his every order as they trusted him to make the right decisions. Their laughter filled his head, their bright smiles and loud cheering whenever they were together, paying no mind to his grumbling, knowing he wasn’t truly annoyed when they were having fun, just so long as they didn’t get too out of hand. The memories shifted again, their laughter rising from shrill squeals into panicked screams, the sound getting louder and louder in his head until his legs could no longer support him.

Levi slowly fell to his knees, his head hanging low as a few stray tears dripped down his cheeks, their pleas echoing in his ears and the sound of their bodies getting crushed thundering in his heart.

“LEVI!”

“Captain! Please!”

“Save us, Levi! Please, gods please no!!!”

“I don’t want to die! I don’t want to die!”

“This is all your fault! We trusted you!”

“Why did you have to lead us to our deaths, Levi? I wasn’t ready to leave yet…”

Levi choked on a sob as his body shook harder, his shoulders shaking. His hair fell down to cover his face but he didn’t move to brush it away, his hands curled into fists where they rested on his thighs. He was such a fucking disgrace, so fucking disgusting, why did he even try? It was clear he was destined to be alone forever, not only that but it was clear that everyone he was around was lost, so why even fucking bother?

A watery image suddenly fluttered across his mind, giving him pause. It was the image of a woman with a beaming smile, the corners of her lips curving upwards wickedly as she looked at him, her eyes sparkling with mischievous intent. Her face was bright and full, her eyes sharp yet loving as she watched his back. His best friend. (Y/N).

She had been with him pretty much since the beginning. When he had met her, he had immediately been drawn to her, the small girl hiding him from the authorities without hesitation when he had passed by her filthy hovel, desperately searching for an escape route. After she had saved him, he had originally been wary of her, just as he had been with everyone in the Underground, automatically expecting her to want something from him in return for saving his ass. But to his surprise, she had merely wanted to help him, no malicious intent in her gaze.

He had also been surprised by her strength. She was his age, and at the time, she had also been alone, having lost both of her parents at a young age too, her mother abandoning her after her father died. After learning this, Levi had expected her to be sensitive and weak, maybe even wracked with illness like most of the children in the Underground, but she had quickly dispelled that notion, always on par with him, and able to go toe to toe with him in battle, keeping his mind sharp and his reflexes on point. 

She was smart and surprisingly funny, the only person who could genuinely get a laugh out of him, a luxury he knew she treasured and never abused despite her teasing nature. She was a sly little fox that was for sure, but gods did he love her. She had never failed him, always knowing exactly how to treat him. 

He hadn’t lost her. Not yet. He couldn’t lose her, could never lose her. He wanted to fight for her, to keep going for her, but the hatred he felt for himself, the overwhelming sense of hopelessness that flooded him, doused his thoughts of fighting back, making him feel nothing more than a throbbing exhaustion, his eyes fluttering closed as he surrendered to his negative thoughts, his body shaking even worse than before.

Then he felt it. The softest touch of light fingers on his chin. Opening his eyes slowly, his head was lifted, his gaze locking on the (e/c) eyes that were never too far from his thoughts and haunted his heated dreams.

_______________________

(Y/N) had followed Levi to his room but had given him enough distance so he wouldn’t know she was there. She knew under normal circumstances that he would’ve noticed her immediately, his sharp senses never missing anything, but with him in this particular emotional state, lost deep in the labyrinth of his despair and his grief, she knew she could remain undetected.

She desperately wanted to comfort her best friend, but knew that even like this, he would be irritated if he discovered she was trying to help, too worried about keeping up appearances to want to accept her help, even despite their past together. So (Y/N) hung back, waiting for the right moment to confront him.

She had waited until she knew he was in the shower before entering his bedroom from where she had been waiting in his office, sitting on the edge of his bed while she waited for him to get out.

Ten minutes passed. Then twenty. Then thirty. Then forty.

When an hour had passed, (Y/N) stood and knocked on his bathroom door, worry gnawing at her gut. When she received no response, (Y/N) took a deep breath and gently pushed open the door.

The entire bathroom was fogged up with steam, to the point where it made her eyes water, her hand coming up to wipe at her now damp brow.

“Levi?”

(Y/N) rounded the corner and gasped at the sight. She had never ever seen Levi like this. Even when they had comforted each other after Isabel’s and Farlan’s deaths, he had never looked like this. Like he had completely given up.

He was sitting on the floor of his shower, his head hanging low as he cried, his whole body shaking like he had a fever. His normally pale skin was an angry red, a testament to the temperature of the water. She could tell he didn’t even know she was there.

Swallowing hard, (Y/N) didn’t hesitate to approach him, keeping her eyes up determinedly as she made her way to him. She crouched, gently touching his chin with her fingers when he still didn’t respond to her kneeling in front of him.

Her eyes bored into his when he met her gaze, his normally bright silver eyes glazed over with sorrow and self-loathing. She honestly didn’t even know if he could really see her, too lost in his own world to really know who he was looking at.

(Y/N)’s gaze hardened as she looked into those empty eyes. This was not the Levi she knew. She knew in that moment, as she looked into the soul of her closest friend, the one who had been with her through thick and thin, and the one who would likely be with her until the end, (Y/N) knew that she would hate nothing more than the look on his face right now.

(Y/N) finally managed to tear her gaze away from his and reached over, hissing at the heat of the water as it burned her bare arm, the tank top she always wore beneath her Survey Corps jacket doing nothing to protect her skin as she turned the handle down, involuntarily sighing a bit as the water cooled.

Levi did not react to the temperature change, he just remained sitting, his eyes closed once more. (Y/N) ignored the worry that clawed at her stomach at his unresponsiveness, and moved to stand behind him, grabbing the shampoo bottle and kneeling down so she was at eye level with his back and shoulders. (Y/N) didn’t mind the feeling of her clothes getting immediately soaked as she set her entire focus on her hurting friend.

“I’m going to wash you, now,” (Y/N) said, and without waiting for a response, knowing she wouldn’t get one, (Y/N) got to work.

Squeezing the soap into her palms, (Y/N) got to work carefully scrubbing the filth from his hair, running her fingers through the raven black strands until the crusted over patches from the blood had been returned to their normal smooth softness. She worked the suds into his scalp, digging her fingers in until it was cleaned to her, and therefore his, satisfaction. Gently grabbing his shoulders, she pulled him under the spray and used her fingers once more to rinse the soap from his hair, making sure she washed it from under every strand so he wouldn’t be itchy later.

As soon as his hair had been soaped and washed, she moved onto his shoulders, grabbing the sponge on his shelf and applying more soap to his skin. Her touch was gentle but firm, almost reverent as she washed him, scrubbing the grime from his body with the utmost care. (Y/N) moved onto his shoulder blades and the rest of his upper back before switching to the front, forcing her eyes to stay modest as she focused on the hard planes of his chest, washing each individual groove with the sponge, the blood and the filth giving under the pressure of the soap and the sponge to slide down the drain.

When she got to just above his belly button, (her eyes latched onto his face like a lifeline), she grabbed his hand and placed the sponge in his palm, meeting his gaze with a smile at the light that she could see starting to return to his silver hues.

“I’ll leave the bottom half for you to enjoy,” (Y/N) said, her tone light but sensitive to his still fresh pain, before moving behind him again and raising her hands to condition his hair.

Levi said nothing as he washed the rest of his body, his mind short circuiting at the feeling of (Y/N)’s nimble fingers running through his hair. He felt like he was going crazy when he had the urge to moan and press his head against her hand like a cat, his eyes widening as he forced the feeling down and focused on washing himself.

When he was all clean, (Y/N) shut off the water and grabbed ahold of both of his hands, gently leading him out of the shower and into the bathroom which had finally been cleared of steam. Grabbing a towel, (Y/N) wrapped it around his waist and tied in the front before grabbing another towel and reaching up to dry his hair, scrubbing at the mussed locks until they were fluffy and dry. 

Moving on, (Y/N) dried his upper body, taking special care to run the towel along the grooves of his muscles, soaking up every drop of moisture.

Since he was covered this time, (Y/N) leaned down and dried his legs herself, keeping her gaze locked on the tiles of the bathroom floor as she dragged the fluffy cloth over his skin. Moving around him, (Y/N) was careful to blot at the welts on his back from the water that had burned him, dabbing around the spots and murmuring soft apologies whenever he winced.

When he was finally dry, (Y/N) threw the towel she had been using into the corner with his discarded clothes and dragged him into his room, quickly moving to his dresser so she could pull out some clothes for him. She originally thought to grab a shirt and some pants, but one look at him showed her that he was barely able to stand on his own, let alone get fully dressed.

Handing him a pair of his boxers, (Y/N) turned to give him some privacy as she heard him drop his towel and shuffle around to put his underwear on. When he was decent, (Y/N) helped him into his bed, pulling back the sheets and slowly pushing him down onto the pillows, her fingers lightly pressing his chest.

“Rest,” was all (Y/N) said as she quickly turned and headed back into the bathroom, pausing only to grab a shirt of his, her own clean clothes still in her room several halls over.

 She stripped and bathed quickly, faster than she ever had before, hopping out of the shower and throwing on Levi’s shirt before sliding her underwear over her thighs just underneath where the shirt covered her, the garment a little big on her.

Opening the bathroom door quietly, (Y/N) peeked her head inside before tiptoeing out of the bathroom towards the door leading to his office, hoping to let him get some sleep for once, now that he was clean. She made it to the door, her fingers resting on the handle when her name being called in the softest voice she had ever heard made her pause.

Turning around slowly, (Y/N) saw Levi watching her, his silver eyes wide as he stared at her. He looked so young at that moment, almost scared. Her heart clenched, he was so open right now, so vulnerable, even in all of her time with him, she had never seen him this bare before her, his emotions laid out for her to see in their entirety for the first time in his life.

(Y/N) didn’t hesitate to move to him, her eyes never breaking from his intense stare as she approached him. When she finally got close enough, his arm shot out, his hand grasping her wrist and squeezing once. A silent plea. A call for help, the kind he didn’t know how to voice out loud. The kind he never had voiced out loud before.

Suddenly, in that moment, (Y/N) realized how stupid it would’ve been for her to leave. She needed to be by his side, just as she always had. (Y/N) glanced at the spot on the bed beside him. They had shared a bed before, but that hadn’t been since their time in the Underground, when they were forced to share, both to keep warm when the lack of sun made the temperatures decline to near freezing and because they only had one filthy mattress for a while, when they lived in that pathetic shack together. Ever since they had come to the surface, they had been in their own quarters, as was expected of them. 

Pausing for only a second longer, (Y/N) nodded. She saw Levi swallow, his Adam’s apple bobbing, and chose to ignore it as she made her way to the other side of the bed, not wanting to think about him being as nervous about this as she was. She needed to comfort him right now, not let her stupid feelings get in the way. She needed to be focused, not flustered.

Levi shifted over slightly to give her more room as (Y/N) lifted up the covers on her end and slid into the bed beside her best friend, laying back into the pillows. She expected him to roll over onto his side and slowly fall asleep like she knew he usually did. Or she expected him to lay on his back with his arms behind his head, his eyes closing gently as she turned away from him. It was how they had slept in the Underground when sharing a mattress together.

What she did not expect was for Levi to immediately throw his arms around her, hugging her close and pulling her to him, burying his face in the curve of her neck while his arms squeezed her tightly.

(Y/N) gasped loudly at the sudden action, her face flushing despite her attempts to cool the flames in her cheeks. Her heart was thumping wildly in her chest, something she knew he felt as the corners of his mouth twitched upward, his face snuggling even closer to her. Her breathing was erratic as she felt his own warm breath fanning out over her neck as it slowed and evened out. She realized a few moments later that he had finally fallen asleep.

(Y/N) could still feel the shock coursing through her, but she managed to calm herself down enough to gently run her fingers through his hair, the strands now silky and unbelievably soft after his shower.

It was relaxing, (Y/N) realized, comforting her hurting friend, as she watched him in wonder while he slept against her. She had always been closer to him than almost anyone on the planet, but even then she had never been this close, physically and emotionally. He had never cuddled up to her before and vice versa.

It was just a line they had never crossed, not wanting to make the other feel uncomfortable or ruin the strong friendship they had with each other despite the growing feelings they had for one another, merely dancing around their relationship as they ignored the pulls of their hearts.

Now, (Y/N) wondered if this wasn’t opening some sort of door for them, as her eyelids grew heavy and she started to yawn. Eventually, (Y/N) completely relaxed against Levi, sighing in bliss as she cuddled up to him, feeling him just barely squeeze her tighter as she lost consciousness.

______________________________

Levi groaned softly as the light attacked his face, his silver eyes blinking open and squinting at the window where the shades had been left open, the sun streaming into his room in bright beams. Grumbling in annoyance, Levi went to turn so he could slide out of bed and shut those damn blinds when he suddenly realized… he couldn’t move. Glancing down, Levi’s eyes widened in surprise for a moment before he remembered the events of the night before as he stared down at his best friend. 

(Y/N) was still fast asleep, her chest rising and falling rhythmically as she breathed deeply. Levi’s mind replayed what had happened last night. He had felt so lost, so empty inside. He had never felt that way before, like he wanted to give up. The closest he had ever gotten to that point was when his mother had been ripped away from him at four years old, not knowing what to do at such a young age other than wait to die. 

But the grief, the hopelessness, the depression that had piled up on him, it wasn’t just from the death of his squad, it was the result of years and years worth of loss. He had just lost all control, both of the situation and himself, and had fallen so far off the edge he hadn’t been able to pull himself back out again, not like he had done in the past.

And then there was (Y/N). The shining light to his world, the one who threw a rope around his waist and tugged, bringing him back from the sorrow and the darkness and the demons. She had lost so much too, her own friends being ripped away from her, her family reduced to none other than himself. The world had been just as cruel to her as it had been to him. He remembered now that Petra had been a good friend of (Y/N)’s, the two often bonding while they rode their horses on the trails around headquarters.

And she had still been the one to bring him back. To save him. He felt like he had just been pulled back from death, yanked back into the brightness of life by the one person who had never left him, the one who refused to.

His eyes roved over her sleeping form, really took in everything about her. He smiled, genuinely smiled with something wicked playing on his lips as he caught sight of her wearing nothing but his shirt and her flimsy underwear, but he forced himself to behave and move on from that fun little detail. 

He took in the way her (h/l) (h/c) hair splayed out across the pillows, the way her soft skin seemed to almost glow in the early morning light. She looked so peaceful, her face curled into his chest, her hands balled into fists in between their bodies, her leg thrown over his waist like she owned it, her body naturally tilted so that she was almost sprawled across him.

Levi used the arm that was still loosely wrapped around her to softly run his fingers up and down her spine through his shirt, his other hand coming up to run through her locks. He grunted a little at how fucking soft her hair was and suddenly seemed to realize how good she smelled, how smooth her skin was, how fucking gorgeous she was, cuddled up to him as she slept, how shockingly beautiful her sharp (e/c) eyes were…

Levi jolted a little when he realized she was staring at him, her (e/c) eyes blinking owlishly a few times. Levi coughed awkwardly and removed his arm from around her as she moved to stretch.

“Good morning,” (Y/N) rasped as she stretched, her eyes closing at the satisfying pop of her shoulder blades.

“Morning,” Levi said gruffly, his husky voice sending shivers down (Y/N)’s spine.

“So… sleep well?” (Y/N) asked, obviously trying to diffuse the awkward atmosphere that had suddenly sprung up without their permission.

“Best I’ve had in years,” Levi answered honestly, smirking a little when (Y/N) whipped around to look at him.

“Really?” She asked in awe.

Levi nodded before reaching out and touching the back of her hand with the tips of his fingers.

“(Y/N), what you did for me, last night, um, thank you,” Levi said, his eyes drifting from hers in uncharacteristic embarrassment as he spoke. (Y/N) could’ve sworn some color even stained his cheeks.

He wished he could say more, damn him for being unable to express his feelings like a normal human being, but he figured he had gotten the point across when he looked into her face once more.

Smiling brighter than the sun, (Y/N) couldn’t help herself as she swooped down and kissed him on the lips, relishing in the warm, soft feel of them before pulling back. Her smile turned sultry then, as she caught sight of his shocked face and darkened eyes, his hair mussed from sleep and his body still only consisting of a pair of boxers under the sheets. She thought he looked absolutely delicious.

Levi’s eyes darkened further when he saw that sultry expression, the wicked light in her eyes as she stared at him. Suddenly, his heart was a roaring inferno in his chest, calling out for her as he let his gaze roam over her possessively, his own smile filled with a dark promise as he took in the sight of her wearing his shirt and almost nothing else, unashamedly this time.

“Anytime, Ackerman,” (Y/N) said, before the pair attacked each other, eager to get lost in each other, to forget the pain, and to start a new beginning, together.

~~~

A/N: I got the idea for this story from the book Crescent City by SJM. The story I wrote is original, but you will notice some similarities from a certain scene if you’ve read that book so I just wanted to mention it. This story is all my own but the idea was sparked from that novel.

(That book is fucking fantastic btw if you haven’t read it yet. Anything by SJM is amazing, but this one is one of my favorites, so quick plug for her books if you don’t already read her shit. 😂)

[rabble-dabble]

The Cancer King's Court ~ The Mourning Mother

Kanaya Maryam/The Mourning Mother

This Kanaya got her happy ending.

She made it to Earth C. She married the woman she loved, started a functioning moralliegence with Vriska now that she’s genuinely interested in bettering herself, and set up a peaceful little home in the suburbs. She got John to do her a favor and take her to a God-Tier bed. No one knows for sure how long Rainbow drinkers live and she wants to spare Rose the heartache.

After a few years of being happily married, the couple decides they want a baby, so they adopt a beautiful baby girl. With Rose’s help, Kanaya makes her way through this strange thing humans call motherhood.

Young Stacey Maryam-Lalonde gives her poor mothers many scares growing up. Rose took a photo for all of then.

Rose gave her an eldritch tome when she was five. She ended up summoning a horde of the undead and Kanaya had to cut down hordes of zombies at three am. Rose agreed to wait until she’s older to give the book back.

At age eight, Stacey convinced her teacher to read The Call of Cthulhu to the class. She got suspended. Rose gave her daughter a lecture, even if she was a little bit proud.

At age ten, Stacey met her first bullies. That was the day everyone at school learned that she had a scary vampire goddess for a mother. Her bullies would never forget.

“My dear, are you certain that you didn’t go overboard?”

“You Would’ve Done The Exact Same Thing.”

“…Touche.”

At age twelve, she had to spend the week at her Uncles John and Karkat’s house. John enlisted her to help him prank Karkat. The resulting prank war burnt the house down and the two had to stay at the Maryam-Lalonde household for the week. How those two made it to adulthood, neither Rose nor Kanaya would never know.

At seventeen, Stacey graduate from High School on the high honor roll. During there ceremony, Kanaya whispered to Rose, “This Is The Best Gift You’ve Ever Given Me.” They cried. A lot.

Then cane Stacey’s eighteenth birthday.

It was a camping trip. Jade had nanaged to get Stacey interested in outdoor exploration, so she took her truck and brought her friends out into the forest. Kanaya wanted to chaperone, but Stacey insisted she could handle herself.

“Don’t You Summon The Undead Again Young Lady.”

“Moooom, I was three! I’ll be fine.”

“I Know, I Know. …I’m So Proud Of You.”

While exploring, Stacey discovered a fridge, covered in chains a locked shut.

…Then she discovered the troll inside.

It took three weeks for them to find the bodies.

Rose and Kanaya were never the same after their loss. Their friends did all they could. They paid for the funeral, offered their condolences, checked up on them whenever they could find time. Vriska moved in just to help Kanaya keep her head up. She did everything she could to be there for her moirail, even if she didn’t fully understand this motherhood thing. Even if she didn’t fully understand what Kanaya lost.

Rose turned to drinking, and that was the beginning of the end. After a painful, gradual decline, Rose and Kanaya agreed to separate until Rose can get her addiction sorted out. As Rose leaves her wedding ring on the table, Kanaya has one last thing to say.

“No Matter How Long It Takes, I’ll Wait For You. Because, No Matter What Happens, You’re The Woman I Fell In Love With.”

When the authorities reveal they have a lead on Gamzee, Kanaya decides to take her grief out on him. Vriska tries to warn her against it. She’s been there before. Angry, bitter, and pissed the hell off. But revenge blackens the soul. She learned that the hard way. Kanaya doesn’t listen.

She thought killing Gamzee would give her some kind of relief. Lift up some of the burden. At least, it would make her feel better. But… it doesn’t.

Instead she feels… empty.

She ignored her moirails advice. Her wife is still gone. And Stacey is still dead.

She thought she’d feel better, but now she’s just more lost than ever.

She sits alone with her thoughts and soon finds The Cancer King sitting down next to her.

He promises her her family back, and she agrees.

She sees the atrocities she’ll have to commit abd she agrees.

She sees who Karkat has become and she agrees.

Kanaya is… scary. She’s not the mad zealot that Gamzee is. She’s not carefully trying to avoid going to far, like Terezi or Eridan. She’s just… focused.

She takes no pride or joy in what she does. She never wanted to hurt anyone. But she will have her daughter back.

Kanaya’s relationship with this Rose is… weird. Kanaya is the oldest member of the Court next to Karkat while Rose is one of the youngest. Kanaya knows her Rose intimately, while this Rose hasn’t even met her yet. Kanaya tries not to spoil anything for her sake, aside from a few quips along the lines of “I Am Quite Sure You’ll Make Whoever You Marry A Very Happy Woman” and such. She’s pretty pissed to learn that this Rose did basically nothing wrong and still lost her timeline, so that’s some extra motivation in her tank.

You’d expect Kanaya to be pissed off with Gamzee. But… she’s not. She’s just cold and distant. It’s not like killing him in her timeline got her anywhere. But she’s still curt with him and avoids conversation. Gamzee asks some of the others what her deal is, but they only give him the basics. It’s not their story to tell. Still, Gamzee puts the pieces together and actually finds himself sympathizing a little. He gets this strange, distant feeling that he might know what it’s like to be a parent in a different timeline…

She remains good friends with this version of Terezi and Vriska. She apologizes to Vriska for not heading her advice and Vriska returns the sentiment. They all bond over shared fuck ups and The Scourge Sisters are happy to hear there’s at least one timeline where Vriska managed to turn her attitude around.

Similarly, she has a decent relationship with Tavros. Tavros finds it odd how Kanaya found her revenge unsatisfying when Tavros absolutely revelled in his. 

Kanaya eventually discovers that Karkat could simply revive Stacey right now if he wanted abd tries to demand that he do so. He refuses. The King makes himself clear: you’ll get your daughter back after you help me and not a moment before.

In Kanaya’s mind, she has to agree.

“…I Am Bringing Her Back, Rose. I Do Not Know… How Much It Will Cost Me… But I Am Bringing Her Back. …You Will Always Be The Woman I Fell In Love With. I Just Hope I Am Still The Woman You Fell In Love With When I Return. …I Love You.”

evil john anon when I get my fucking hands on you

HRHRGRHGRHGRHRGHRGHRGRHGRHGRHGRGGRGRGGRGRGRRRRR

i did kanaya in a mourning mother outfits - IM GONNA CRY IM GONNA CRY - just a fade that I thought looked cool and her wings and her mourning veil - OH GOD THE TEARS IM AJHHAGRGRGARGHRGRGH - just in a little suit vest and hat and

IT GETS SADDER AND SADDER AND I HAVE NEVER FELT MORE SADDENING RAGE RIGHT NOW THIS IS HORRIBLELY WONDERFUL

the moment I read that stacey found the fridge and opened it I wanted to S C R E A M

and then the NEXT FYCKJING LINE LIHENMMMJNKLHKJHKHBFKBSHFB

WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON GAMZEE MAKARA THE BARD IN THE FRIDGE

UNSPEAKABLE INHUMANE THINGS SHALL BE DONE

VENGANCE I WANT VENGANCE *cries like a baby*

i also drew stacey BUT EVIL JOHN ANON IF YOURE OUT THERE IM GONNA THROTTLE YOU LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO THIS POOR GIRL *SOB*

[a-warriors-journey]

sorry for submitting a post instead of an ask but i thought it might be easier to read since the asks would’ve broken everything all up and it’s kind of a lot! feel free to ask questions too, i… reaaaaally love talking about my characters haha

i think one of my favorite warrior cat ocs would have to be my gal, toyontuft! she was originally just supposed to be a background character for another one of my ocs, trillium, but quickly grew into a full-fledged character with one of the strongest developmental arcs within her story!

she was the product of what was supposed to be a one-night-stand between wildclan warriors, cottoncall and poppyjaw. they’d been friends as kits but had grown distant during training. they started talking again at the behest of their parents; poppyjaw’s wanting her to get out more and cottoncall’s being sympathetic to the cause. 

poppyjaw hadn’t wanted to keep the litter and only went through with the pregnancy because cottoncall had essentially begged her to. while at first he’d been excited at the prospect of kits, being around poppyjaw quickly began taking a toll on him, and by the time she’d finally given birth to toyonkit he’d already began distancing himself.

cottoncall’s negligence continued until eventually he stopped showing up at the nursery at all. any attempt made by poppyjaw to discuss his absence was brushed off and, in turn, the queen was left worn-down and ornery which she took out on her daughter.

things came to a head when, some time during the end of toyontuft’s kithood, cottoncall showed up to camp with a pretty little kittypet in tow– heavily pregnant and sickeningly sweet, it didn’t take a genius to figure out what happened. poppyjaw’d had been livid, calling the tom out on his deadbeat nature, and nearly took his new mate’s eye out when she went to defend him. this was the beginning of the end of toyontuft’s relationship with her mother.

after receiving toyontuft had received her apprentice name, poppyjaw had began withdrawing from her daughter. the apprentice tried multiple times to reach out to the queen, still needing her mother, but eventually gave up when it resulted in her getting swiped at one too many times. she looked to her father’s side of the family for support.

the kittypet cottoncall had brought home, mollie, had taken on the name hollypaw then hollynose and had birthed a single kit similar to poppyjaw. when toyonpaw had approached them, cottoncall had initially been hesitant about her presence in his life but reluctantly accepted it at hollynose’s insistence. he still went to great lengths to avoid beng alone with her and the apprentice quickly recognized that, while allowed close, neither of the cats truly regarded her as part of the family.

her half-brother, marshkit, had been a sickly child; his head always tilted, his steps lacking finesse, and his body often seizing. he was suffering greatly and the medicine cat, even with the assistance of the other clans, couldn’t seem to get the kit to pull through. still, blinded by their love for their kit, they wouldn’t let him go. toyonpaw eventually took matters into her own paws and to this day she wonders if it was he right thing or if, perhaps, she’d been fueled by her own jealousy.

time passed, toyonpaw giving the couple space to grieve, and the apprentice quickly found herself isolated without the social crutch of her so-called ‘family’. her upbringing had left her bitter, blunt, and a bit of a downer but things changed when she officially met her first mate, mosquitobite.

mosquitobite, mosquitopaw at the time, was tom just as jaded as she. having been blamed for his mother’s passing by his father and named accordingly. they festered together, forming an unhealthy codependency, that would eventually grow into full-blown abusive relationship by the end of their apprenticeship.

while toyontuft was one to give as good as she got at this point, her desire to be wanted by someone often clouded her judgement and kept her from leaving, and they’d often fight on the outskirts of wildclan territory where unbeknownst to them they were being watched (this will become important later).

still, the two had their moments. they understood one another better than anyone else and there was genuine love there, buried beneath the misery, which is how toyontuft ended up expecting kits.

while both of them had been unsure about the pregnancy, they also believed (at first, anyways) that it might save their relationship. the world will never know, though, because mosquitobite ended up dying before the kits even arrived. 

she gave birth, alone, to a litter of three with no other queens in the nursery at the time; one passed shortly after and the other two faded a week or so later. her post-partum and grief made it hard for her to care and when she realized she even felt a little relieved she quickly grew angry with herself.

this was around the time that trillium came into the picture. palefang, trillium’s bio-mother and toyontuft’s fraternal cousin, had moved into the nursery sometime before the passing of toyontuft’s other two kits but after the births themselves. palefang was a restless young queen, who seemed excited but also unsure about having a litter, toyontuft kept their conversations brief like she did with most of cottoncall’s family.

when palefang gave birth to trillium, a kit with only three legs (not that that ever ended up holding back trillium in any way, shape, or form), she called her too much responsibility for a young inexperienced queen such as herself and seemed to struggle when it came to taking care of the kit. 

eventually, she conned toyontuft into taking trillium on as a surrogate so that palefang could return to her duties. using their family’s approval and, unknowingly, toyontuft’s guilt over her own kits’ deaths to get the queen to wetnurse the child. this, obviously, wasn’t the greatest foundation to build a relationship on in regards to toyontuft and trillium.

toyontuft did the bare minimum when it came to mothering the young kit and made it abundantly clear to trillium that she was not her child. while, to most, it would seem as if the she-cat resented the kit because she ended up saddled with her it was more so a result of the queen’s insecurities when it came to parenting; she’d let her first litter die, after all, and with mosquitobite gone she’d been essentially abandoned by all her remaining family. she just didn’t feel fit to take care of a kitten beyond going through the motions.

trillium was a difficult kit; adventurous by nature and rather reckless to boot, she’d often sneak her way out of the nursery while toyontuft slept in order to observe nature. this casted a poor light on the queen in the clan’s eyes but, at this point, she couldn’t care less what wildclan thought of her. especially given the fact she had to slip past most of the other warriors, too.

enter dan, a loveable loner with a heart of gold, whom trillium came across during one of her many outings. the loner, aware of the clans, had looked after the kit until two wildclan warriors had come to retrieve her. it was too late though, trillium was already attached and every time she got a chance she’d run off to see him.

wildclan quickly grew fed up with this and, in an attempt to keep the child in camp, allowed dan visitation which is when toyontuft and him met… officially. you see, the spot where toyontuft and mosquitobite would often have their disputes was in spitting distance of dan’s territory. he was privy to some of their worst fights, purely due to proximity, and while toyontuft didn’t know him; he certainly knew her.

the tom felt for the queen and could see she was suffering so while he didn’t agree with her treatment of trillium, who at this point he saw as his adoptive daughter, he wanted to help her. thus began the long, tumultuous journey, of toyontuft’s recovery. 

at first the queen was frustrated by the tom’s behavior, uneased by his continued support especially given his fondness for trillium who she knew at this point had to hate her (she didn’t, she was saddened by toyontuft’s treatment but still loved her like a mother), and would often lash out in an attempt to ward him off.

this didn’t work, of course, and she ended up losing steam after the third or fourth time. she was still skeptical but if he wants to stick around that bad that's his problem, right? moons passed and soon she’d grown accustomed to dan’s presence which was… scary but also nice. they were tentatively friends and with his assistance he began taking better care of trillium and leaving the nursery more.

toyontuft began opening up, bit by bit, and while it was like pulling teeth when she did… it was good to get it off her chest. she’d been afraid, the first time, that he’d turn his back on her– or worse coddle her –but their relationship remained the same and with time it got easier.

weeks for trillium’s apprenticeship began STORY THINGS HAPPEN involving an outside group of wandering rogues who end up manipulating the young she-cat into joining them cause they ‘need her’ for some made-up prophecy.

this is a huge blow to toyontuft’s psyche, for obvious reasons, but she teams up with dan and a friend of trillium’s named brackenpaw (who they didn’t really want to come with but he seemed set on taking off after her… so they thought it best if they just let him joining them so there wasn’t TWO adolescent cats off on their own) to retrieve her.

it takes months to find trillium who, luckily, isn’t… too much worse for wear…? there’s definite trauma due to being basically kitnapped but a lot of the cats in the group were on trillium’s side when what happened came out and had left with her when she stated she was going back to the clans.

during that time, toyontuft starts working out her emotional hang-ups when it comes to her relationship with trillium because she does see trillium as her own she just… didn’t want to get hurt again. once again, dan (and even brackenpaw, in some ways) offers unwavering support throughout their journey.

when the three reunite with trillium, the she-cat embraces her friend then her father but hesitates when it comes to toyontuft. but, as soon as her body language opens up, trillium practically tackles her into a loving cuddle.

toyontuft is shocked at trillium’s receptiveness but chocks it up to dan’s influence on her; she knows she’s probably not forgiven fully for her behavior but she does have a chance to make it up to trillium which is all toyontuft could ask.

oooOOOOOO I LOVE THAT DEVELOPMENT !!

I’ve always really loved stories that portray healing as something a character has to work at over a period of time, and characters learning to repair the things they’ve done wrong– especially to others– so Trillium and Toyontuft’s reunion at the end there made me super happy! 

and her design is so pretty!!! the little muzzle markings are my favorite

also i love the name toyontuft, I’ve never heard that prefix used before so that’s rad as hell!

[rinusagitora]

Another empty seat in the city  of ghosts.

Fandom: BLEACH

Characters: Toushirou Hitsugaya, Momo Hinamori, Kisuke Urahara, Tessai Tsukabishi, Ururu Tsumugiya, Jinta Hanakari, Yuzu Kurosaki, Ichigo Kurosaki, Karin Kurosaki

Pairings: HitsuKarin, others not mentioned

Words: 2.1k

Summary: Shinigami!Karin AU. Chapter 2/8. WARNINGS- mentions of suicide, dysfunctional families, mentions of spousal abuse;  Karin has taken her life. What follows is a maelstrom of emotion.

AO3

Momo laid awake the night before the Kurosaki girl's memorial.

She and Toushirou had a long history of neglecting to share personal details. Privacy, embarrassment, bridges her ex Sousuke burned gleefully. But for him to ask her to attend his girlfriend's wake was quite serious, if he came to her of all people.

Momow as never good in those situations.

Izuru squeezed her hand. "Are you finished speaking with Urahara?"

"Aye. He's arranging mine and Shirou-chan's gigai... I sent him my kimono."

Izuru nodded. "Renji wants you to come to bed."

Momo gazed into Izuru's eyes. Blue. Dried from undeath. She half expected to see flies crawling across him in the mornings. It never happened, but she always worried.

"Is this a tragedy?" she asked Izuru.

"What?"

"The Kurosaki girl's death."

Izuru shrugged. "I can't say. We all expire eventually. She sooner than, I assume, at least, her family would've liked." He stroked her knuckles. "Overthinking it gets us nowhere. We've made the arrangements, she'll be here soon enough... Now come to bed? Please?"

She smiled at Izuru. "Of course."

Momo slipped into bed with Izuru and her other spouses. She coiled against Shuuhei's back, throwing an arm over his hip.

---

She and Toushirou met in the morning at the senkaimon and were checked out by the guardians before passing through. Momo hated being stroked and prodded by strangers. It made her feel like a slab of rotting meat.

She met Kisuke with Toushirou and easily slipped on her gigai and then entered the car outside.

How awkward it was, sitting with her brother. Tense. They were on good terms and had been for years by that point. But he was upset. She could feel it. See it in the way he folded his arms and slumped. She wanted to say he'd muss his kimono, require his hair to be combed, but held her tongue and smoked instead.

Toushirou was going through enough. While agreeing to take Karin on as her charge was anxiety-inducing, it was his girlfriend's funeral. Even if she wasn't lost to Toushirou forever, it had to be traumatic.

Momo tried to dispel the image of Sousuke's body hanging from the east wall. It was only a doll. An illusion. A lie.

She chanted that until they came to the temple.

Climbing out, she smoothed her kimono. Toushirou guided her to a trio waiting in the doorway. They seemed to be familiar to him.

A young woman said, "Yuzu is livid.

"So Urahara told us," Toushirou replied.

The young woman glared at him. "I stand by her."

The giant, who she assumed was another guardian, slapped the young woman upside her head. She tenderly rubbed her scalp. "Enough, honey," he said. He then turned to her and Toushirou. "Thank you for coming. Karin-chan will be pleased."

Karin-chan. A nickname that told a story of fondness, adoration, family. That was so adorable, it almost brought a smile to Momo's face. She had a good feeling about Karin.

She managed to keep her poker face, however. She said. "I imagine. What should we expect from Kurosaki Ichigo?"

"We're keeping him in line if Yuzu doesn't," the boy replied, folding his arms. "He agreed to keep the peace when Tou-tou and he talked."

"And the Kurosaki girl?"

"Yuzu?"

"Nay, the one we're here for." Momo got it. Look out for Yuzu...

The young woman glanced into the temple interior. "She's... not crying. I think she's distancing herself from this ordeal."

Momo ashed her pipe. "Perhaps it's for the better." The young woman gave her a weird look which Momo didn't care to return. Having to watch one's funeral procession was fucking insanity. Izuru was unstable even on the best of days. That day had to be the most traumatic. Better to process it down the line.

The children's father said, "Hand-off will occur before cremation. Kurosaki Isshin only agreed to allow us in for the service since Karin asked, but the burial is for family and Kurosaki Ichigo's close friends only."

Momo refrained from asking about Karin's friends. She didn't want to mess around with that.

She took a look inside the temple instead. There were many faces she didn't recognize, but she did recognize Rukia, and said, "I see Kuchiki-fukutaichou as well.",

"She won't be causing trouble. She's here as a family friend," the children's father replied.

Momo had gotten everything she wanted out of that. She and Toushirou bowed.

"Many thanks. We'll head in," Toushirou said.

As soon as they crossed the threshold, Rukia spotted them and practically stormed over. Momo groaned. So much for not causing trouble. She already knew this service was about to be a minefield of bullshit.

"Neither of you are welcome," Rukia said, hands folded in front of her belly. "Please leave before Yuzu sees you."

"The deceased requested us, and the patriarch has permitted us entry," Toushirou replied.

"No matter. Do you want to start shit?"

There was an edge to their voices that alerted Momo it was her turn to step in before a fight erupted. At least she was good at reminding people of their places. God knew she had to put her foot down following Sousuke's desertion. She had a meltdown, she wasn't transformed into a doormat.

"We haven't started anything, Kuchiki-fukutaichou. Besides... do you think it wise to start shit here? Our powers are merely dampened, but I know for a fact there are enough of us gathered here to alert trouble if contention brews," Momo said, before taking a long drag from her pipe.

Rukia was silenced by a youthful blonde rushing over, pink in the face and nostrils flaring. Momo wasn't a gambler, but she'd bet that was Yuzu, judging by how Rukia ran like she was dodging a raging ox.

Yuzu got right in Toushirou's face. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

He repeated, "Your father said we were welcomed to the ceremony."

Momo's first instinct was to snap Yuzu's neck as soon as her finger jabbed Toushirou's chest. 'You murdered my sister!" Yuzu accused with such venom, Momo watched for it to pour out the sides of her mouth. "I don't want you here!"

"And I do?" Toushirou said, sighing.

"And who is this skank?" Yuzu asked, jerking her chin at Momo.

"My sister. Don't treat her like my mistress."

Momo kept her temper in check, reminding herself of how she reacted to Sousuke's death. Was being called a skank worse than trying to assassinate your family? Nay.

But it was tempting to break Yuzu's teeth. Skank... As if.

Before it escalated, Momo summoned her will to kindly cusp Yuzu's hands. "We are here to grieve just as ye. I understand how difficult this is. My husband passed during a tumultuous time," she said. Her eyes watered, again recalling the image of Sousuke pinned the East wall. "We hadn't time to bury him, either."

Yuzu seemed to diffuse. She looked at her socks. "I'm sorry," she croaked. "It's been a long couple of days."

"There's nothing to apologize for." Momo smiled and bowed to Yuzu. Yuzu returned the gesture. "If you need anything, please let me know. I haven't service at home, but Urahara-san can reach me if needed."

Yuzu's gratitude seemed genuine, at least.

"May we take a seat?" Momo asked.

Yuzu gestured to the last rows. "In the back, please. The front rows are taken.',

"Aye. Thank you again, Kurosaki-san."

Momo sat, crossed her legs, and surveyed the room. It was strange being unable to see spirits. For the better, undoubtedly. But she wanted to size up Karin in person there too. Evaluate how best to break the ice with someone who just took their own damn life.

But, by God, it was a fucking circus there. Ichigo and the man who seemed to be their father were distanced far from Yuzu despite sitting together. Ichigo's legs were pointed away from Yuzu, repelled by an unknown force. He was practically pushing Orihime out of her seat. The father was statuesque. Completely still unless approached. Seeming to collapse in on himself.

So much for a family. As dysfunctional as Momo's own.

"I can see why Kurosaki-san is so upset," Momo announced.

Toushirou grumpily responded with, "Karin was in pain."

"I'm in no position to judge her," Momo reminded Toushirou. "But look at the Kurosaki family... Stiff as boards. The little one is the only one weeping, and neither of them is consoling her."

"They're... dysfunctional. I'm sure she refused it."

"For good reason?" Momo asked.

"Aye. They... nay, we all, have lied to her for years. I'm sure she harbors conflicting feelings."

Momo hummed. "Aye." A fucking disaster indeed. No wonder why Karin sought to escape into the Seireitei. After Sousuke deserted, Momo wanted to run away too. Far away. Someplace her pain couldn't reach her.

Karin was in for a fucking surprise, she thought as she took a puff of smoke from her pipe. Years later, and even married thrice over, Momo still ached over her ex's betrayal. Over the pain he caused her over the decades she served and adored him. That pain never went away. She doubted Karin would be an exception.

The priest began the service with a sutra. Momo took note of the crowd. The family, friends, Toushirou. Kisuke and his people seemed surprisingly invested in Karin, judging by their weeping and clinging to one another in the center rows. Were they Karin's only friends? Was everyone else there to console the family instead of grieving?

It saddened Momo. It was no wonder why Karin took her own life, with so little tying her to the World of the Living.

And Momo knew how lonely it was. Having so few people who cared about her following Sousuke's desertion. Karin must've felt so isolated.

Following the service, Momo guided Toushirou outside. They waited in silence behind Kisuke's van to trade off their gigai. When he arrived, his eyes were pink like he'd been crying.

"I don't have much time... I'm going to the cremation as well," he said.

Momo wondered how to respond as she removed herself from her gigai. What was she supposed to say in response to someone close to the deceased having to pick the bones out of ashes? It was heart-breaking.

Momo and Toushirou bowed to Kisuke. "Best of, Urahara-san," Momo said. How meaningless...

Kisuke merely said, "Kurosaki will meet you by the aqueduct under an overpass. It's in the center of town." He frowned. "Anticipate some... some shit from him too. He's very upset."

"Thanks," Toushirou said.

Momo and he hopped into the sky. He guided her to the center of Karakura, being more familiar with its layout than she. Thankfully, Ichigo was easily seen from the sky. They landed a good distance away.

Momo saw Toushirou's fists curl out of the corner of her eye. Rage. She knew it well.

The girl who must've been Karin sat on a bench. Dark hair framed her face, a soul chain hung from her chest. Momo hoped she hadn't felt it consume itself. The agony would've been unbearable.

What a cruel fate to be made to stick around, with so much at stake. Momo decided she hated Ichigo.

Before Toushirou could lash out, Momo said, "Thank you for allowing us into your sister's service, Kurosaki-sama." Butter him up. Get out of there as soon as possible.

Ichigo folded his arms. "It wasn't my choice."

She smiled. "Nonetheless. I'd like this to be done in an expeditious manner as possible."

Karin stood and began to walk over to them. "Let's go," she said, eyes locked on Toushirou.

Ichigo stopped her. "Hang on." He was glaring at Toushirou. Just in case, she manifested snakes in her sleeves to bind Ichigo if he lashed out. "I want him to admit his fault in this."

"Jesus Christ!" Karin shrieked. "I killed myself because there's nothing for me here! Toushirou had nothing to fucking do with it."

"Bullshit! He had to have said something."

"It's your fault I killed myself, alright? It's all your fault! I got tired of getting steamrolled and gaslit by you so I killed myself to get the hell away from you!" Karin ducked his arm and ran over to Toushirou. He seemed elated she ran to him, clung to him. "I'm going to the Seireitei. I'm becoming a shinigami... It's the only way I'll be happy. Fulfilled."

Ichigo seemed wounded. Good riddance. As far as Momo was concerned, he was a complete ass, no better than manipulative scum. Men made themselves so loathsome.

More importantly, Karin was damaged. Just as Momo was. She resolved to take care of her new charge as a sister, as family, as a protege.

[whales-and-recovery]

Well, I don’t typically do things like this, but I think it’s worth the effort so I can come back and see this again at a later point.

9 Things / Experiences / Moments / Triumphs I am grateful for this year:

1) Firstly, wow, what a year it has been. This is the first year of my life that I have truly been on my own. It has been very difficult not having any parent figures around and really figuring everything out on my own, but I did it and I’m doing it. I was in one relationship for 5 1/2 years and another soon after for nearly an entire year, but as of now I have been single for quite a while. It’s been weird navigating on my own but absolutely worth it. I’ve earned my independence. There have definitely been some rough patches, but I am really proud of myself for being able to do this because it’s been a pretty scary ride.

2)  I got my wonderful dog Thor last year in September, but since I moved here in January it has just been him and I. I’ve really gotten the opportunity to connect with him and he is my everything. I love coming home to his smiling face every day, despite the fact that sometimes he is a huge pain in the ass.

3) From January to September, I was working a job in downtown as a receptionist at a condominium. This is a very, very wealthy part of Miami and I worked in a residential building full of very - very successful people. The opportunity to meet many of these people and make good connections was amazing. I also got the chance to meet my very good friend George. Also a pain in my ass at times, but such a genuinely good and kind hearted person.

4) This is a big one, after two years of wanting nothing more than to be back in school, I am finally back in school! I am eligible for financial aid but as I am still considered a dependent student by fafsa guidelines, regardless of the fact that I am completely independent, and the fact that my mother refuses to comply with the application process as she does not want me to go back to college, I don’t get any aid. That means that I have to pay my own tuition for school. It’s been rough, but oh so rewarding. I am so, so, so happy, grateful, and excited to be furthering my education and working towards my career as an aspiring Maribe Biologist. I want nothing more.

5) I finally started SCUBA diving again! I found a new instructor to help me as I was having major issues equalizing my ears before which was causing me intense pain and discomfort. My last instructor did not take it seriously and I could have permanently damaged my ears. This new instructor is just so amazing and takes the time and puts in the effort to really help me figure everything out. You get what you pay for. I’m so passionate about the ocean / diving and I was fearful before as I was scared I would not be able to fix the problem with my equalizing but he helped me and I did it!!!  I am just ecstatic.

6) I’m actually working a new job now. I’m working as a narrator on a glass bottom boat in the Keys. This is just wild for me. This is the first job that I’ve had that has anything at all to do with the field I want to be in. Don’t get me wrong, it’s been / can still be extremely daunting as public speaking is definitely something I’ve been fearful of for a long time, but now I’m spending hours talking in front of large crowds of people with a microphone strapped to my face. I’m really glad I was able to make some leeway on that fear and I am actually owning it! I’m getting paid to look at and educate people about dolphins, sharks, turtles, and coral all day. Sometimes I get applause when I’m done. Definitely not used to that part yet.

7) I’ve really realized how precious some of the relationships I have in my life are. I’ve had some very, very good friends move away to other cities and states chasing their dreams. While it’s definitely been saddening to see them go, my heart is so full of joy that I have met these wonderful people who are just as hungry as I am to have a spectacular life and not let ANYTHING hold them / us back from the wonder that life has to offer. I am so, SO proud. Obviously, I’ve also missed my dad since he passed away almost 9 years ago, but this year has definitely made me realize just how much I miss him. I wish he was here and I hope dearly that he is proud of the woman I’m becoming.

8) This year I’ve had so much wild stuff happen. Besides the craziness of 2020, my personal life has been particularly topsy-turvy as well. I sold my beloved Miata as Thor was getting too big for it. I ended up buying a Volkswagen rabbit which had very bad brakes which resulted in me hydroplaning and completely losing control of the car on Mother’s Day, spinning out, and slamming into a wall. I got the car fixed and literally a week later as I was driving it home from work again, it Caught. On. Fire. I had to jump out and call fire rescue. The car was sold to me as is. There was nothing I could do about it and I couldn’t get my money back. I am currently borrowing a friends car (thats another story).  Thor also had another emergency surgery this year as he tore up my bedsheets while I was working one day and swallowed a big chunk. Another instance that happened not too long ago was where I was walking him at night in 65° weather (That’s cold for people in Florida guys, also I’m a pussy) and his collar just gave out and popped off of his neck. He saw a duck and took off straight into the lake which resulted in him swimming all the way out to the very middle of the lake at 9 PM which resulted in me having to jump in and swim out after him to get him back because he’s a little stupid sometimes and I know he’s never been in that deep of water. He’s a lazy dog, he tires out pretty easily, had I not jumped in, there is no doubt in my mind that he would’ve drowned. Definitely wasn’t expecting the lake to be that deep at all, not to mention that the water was freezing and it was basically pitch black out there. At one point I couldn’t see him anymore and I really thought he had drowned. I found him, alive, I got him back. We are safe. Very scary night. My life feels like a movie sometimes, the list of crazy stuff goes on. Despite the book I can write on the insane amount of stuff that’s happened this year alone, I truly admire my resilience. I know sometimes I can be very hard on myself and times get very tough, but when I fall down 753 times, I stand up 754.

9) This one sort of - kind of goes along with the last one, but at some point last year, I kind of lost the sparkle in my eye. I really lost the appreciation that I found for life. As of recently, I have been working very hard to push myself back to a point where my mental health is nothing but a priority. I am once again regaining the passion that I have for living, being able to wake up in the morning, even breathing which I forgot was a privilege.  I am once again hungry, in the best sense of the word, for life. I can’t wait to continue growing and moving forward in this chaotic existence. I am so appreciative for the things that I have and how hard I have worked to get where I am. It has been truly rough out here on my own but as I said earlier, I am so proud of how resilient I have become.

I can’t wait to see what kind of incredible things I accomplish next year. I am so hopeful for the future. Looking forward with bright eyes y’all! I hope everyone has a wonderful New Years and that you can all look back on the craziness that was 2020 and find the good in it as well. Thank you @always-the-2nd for challenging me and always keeping me in mind. It warms my heart to know that you’re in my corner as I am in yours.

[starmakerdotcom]

summary : min needs to think about what she says, or she’ll taint another friendship.

characters : kang minjung , son yongmi , zhao honghui (briefly) , elizabeth park , na jaemin (nct) (mentioned)

genre : i guess angst idk

warnings : swearing , verbal arguing , damn they kinda mean to each other . i’m not good at writing people arguing i have Never been in a fight Ever but i tried

words : 1.7k

[ july 2020, 1:23 pm, solar dorms ]

“what’re you smiling at over there?”

yongmi looked up from her spot on her armchair, curled up in a blanket to meet minjung’s eyes across the room, standing near the entrance to the kitchen. she shrugged, looking back down at her phone with a huge grin on her face. “just a new friend,” she replied, although she was very obviously blushing.

“...just a new friend?” minjung took a sip of the glass of water she had in her hand, she wasn’t buying it. she knew yongmi.

yongmi sighed in defeat, a grin still plastered on her face, “ookay, i think she’s pretty. that’s it!”

“well fuck, what’s stopping you from asking her out?” minjung asked.

“crippling anxiety,” yongmi replied simply.

minjung paused for a beat before speaking again, “what’s the worst that could happen?”

“uh... she says no?”

“so what? it’s worth a shot.”

yongmi frowned, knitting her eyebrows together, “it’d be so embarrassing if she said no. i don’t even know if she likes girls!”

“seriously, what do you have to lose.”

“...my dignity?”

minjung didn’t understand yongmi sometimes. what was so hard about asking someone out? despite the fact that, technically, it seemed they should be the best of friends and inseparable due to their closeness in age and how they trained together for years, but it wasn’t always like that. sure, they were close friends, and had been since they met, but they were complete opposites, and it was honestly a bit of a mixed bag. they didn’t get each other as well as they used to.

she sighed, “it’s not that hard, just get over yourself and do it. that’s basically how i got with jaemin.”

“you’re failing to realize that not everyone is as blunt as you,” yongmi said, looking down at her nails, “you’ll just go up to someone and be like, hey, let’s hook up- or whatever, i’m not the type of person that does that.”

“okay-“ minjung wrinkled her nose, “first of all i don’t say it like that. do i need to give you lessons on how to ask someone out, are you that lonely?”

“you’ve just never had to deal with anxiety, you should be grateful. you should also be a little more considerate, you’re being a little rude.”

“am i being rude? or are you just being sensitive?”

yongmi was standing now, completely disregarding her blanket that fell to the ground when she stood up. “can you not be nice to me for once?”

“maybe i would if you weren’t so annoying about it,” minjung stood her ground when yongmi began walking towards her.

“maybe it’s not all me,” yongmi snapped, “maybe you should stop being such a bitch.”

woah, okay, that took a sharp turn. minjung rolled her eyes, trying to mask the fact that she was absolutely flabbergasted that yongmi, arguably one of the softest and most kindhearted people she knew, would ever call her a bitch to her face. such a word wasn’t even in her vocabulary most of the time. “who says i’m the one being a bitch?”

“woah, cat fight!” the two girls snapped their heads to the side to see honghui in the hallway exiting his room, still with his hand on the knob watching the two girls argue with a look of almost excitement on his face. “what’s going on out here? should i get snacks, how long is this gonna go on for?”

minjung scowled at him, “fuck off.”

“sorry,” honghui laughed, going back into his room, “continue.”

minjung sighed, not at all phased by honghui’s sudden appearance and just as sudden disappearance, “anyways, i believe we left off on you calling me a bitch.”

yongmi laughed, but it sounded lifeless and forced, not like her usual laugh (that yongmi herself absolutely hated), “yeah, because you can’t seem to understand that some people have a different mindset than you do! you do this all the time, too, it’s probably because your parents let your spoiled ass get away with whatever you wanted.”

“okay, what we’re not gonna do is bring my parents into a conversation that has nothing to do with them,” minjung spat, walking closer to yongmi, who stayed right where she was, despite minjung’s assumption that she’d back up as soon as she started inching closer.

“i mean, they’re the ones to blame for how you act. look at me, i’ve never had to face a minor inconvenience in my life, i have a super cute boyfriend and i talk about guys like they fall to their knees whenever i approach them-“

yongmi stopped when minjung raised her hand like she was about to slap her, but stopped when she saw how hard she made the former flinch. when she stood up straight again, minjung noticed yongmi had tears in her eyes, and she remembered how much yongmi hated confrontation. regardless, she held her head up high and continued.

“the fact that you’re resorting to hitting instead of a civil discussion-“ yongmi sniffed, blinking rapidly as she didn’t want minjung to see her cry. “that really says a lot about you. why can’t we be the way we used to-“ she cut herself off early when her voice broke. she stormed down the hall to her bedroom, but not before whacking the glass minjung had in her hand, spilling water down the front of her white tshirt.

“hey!” minjung called after her, “jaemin’s supposed to be coming later! i’m wearing a black bra you can literally see everything-!”

“i’m sure he’d love to see that!” yongmi called before slamming her door, leaving minjung standing in the living room with a soaked shirt and a dumbfounded expression.

it saddened yongmi more than she could ever get out in words that minjung wasn’t the same girl that she’d known when they were both 14 and joining a company for the first time, minjung with no experience in dancing whatsoever and yongmi barely even speaking korean. they bonded over how inexperienced they both were.

yongmi could recall a time where they snuck out of the building one afternoon while they were on break, and just walked down the streets of downtown seoul without a care in the world. they were so excited when the final lineup for solar was announced, especially considering the night prior they stayed up way past their curfew to stargaze in the roof of the smk building, convinced they would never see each other again because minjung was guaranteed a place in the final lineup and at that time, they thought yongmi wasn’t.

yongmi tried to make herself feel better by reminding herself that friendship wasn’t always forever, but she couldn’t help but miss that sense of comfort and nostalgia behind minjung’s warm eyes when she stared into them.

“what the hell is your problem?” elizabeth spat, bursting into minjung’s room, causing her to jump, leaving a mascara smear on the side of her face from where she was trying to do her makeup.

“what’s going on this time?” minjung sighed, pulling a wipe out of her makeup bag to rub off where she’d messed up.

elizabeth rounded the side of her bed, bending down behind the mirror minjung held in front of her face to do her makeup with to look her in the eye, “i found yongmi crying in our room earlier, and when i asked her what was wrong, she asked me if she was too sensitive. she said you said that to her.”

minjung shrugged, purposely, or so elizabeth assumed, avoiding her eye, “she was being sensitive.”

“fucking-“ elizabeth grabbed the mirror minjung was holding right out of her hand and stood up straight again, “look at me!”

“give it!” minjung whined like a little kid, holding her arms out in an attempt to reach it, “jaemin is coming over soon!”

elizabeth held the mirror behind her back and continued, “y’all can’t ever get along, and i’m fucking sick of it, someone needs to knock some sense into you.”

minjung rolled her eyes for what felt like the fiftieth time that day as elizabeth continued, “you guys argue over the stupidest things and you need to learn how to get along soon or it’s gonna look bad on the rest of us.”

“she called me a bitch,” minjung said defensively, only provoking elizabeth to continue her rant.

“maybe because you were being a bitch. you don’t want to admit it, but you’re spoiled, and you’re a brat, and honestly? you’re abusing you title as the leader. yongmi would be a better leader than you’ve ever been if you don’t smarten up.”

from the look on minjung’s face, you would’ve thought elizabeth had slapped her. but she managed to get out, “look, i don’t know why everyone is taking her side all of a sudden-“

“because you’re the one in the wrong! you need to quit acting like you’re always the victim and like the whole world revolves around you. sure, yongmi may have said a few mean things earlier, but she’s been putting up with it from you for god knows how long.”

“she’s-“

“you two are complete opposites. i get that, you don’t think the same, but you two used to be so close! i don’t know what happened between before we debuted and now but you need to start being more considerate and stop acting like a brat.”

“i-“

“stop trying to make excuses and smarten up already!”

silence. a deafening silence that made minjung’s ears ring. was she really as mean as yongmi and elizabeth said she was? so mean that they were starting to think she was abusing her title as a leader? she’d never admit it, but shit, that cut deep. she did miss how close she used to be with yongmi, she missed it a lot, she missed how genuine and sweet she was, something she wasn’t all that used to. sure, she loved her family but she’d never been as close with them as the relationships she’d developed outside of her own home. yongmi has brought her a sense of comfort she wasn’t all that used to, so what exactly happened?

“have fun with jaemin later,” elizabeth said bitterly, tossing the mirror back onto minjung’s bed and closing the door softly as she left. minjung thought it probably would’ve been better if she slammed it.

[returnn-of-the-mac]

The companions reacting to sole not taking care of themselves not eating sleeping or drinking just doing mission after mission nonstop (and maybe the faction leaders and Haylen?)? Thanks if you do!

Thank you for the request! I loved writing up this one! Please enjoy! 😊

Fo4 Companions React: Sole Neglecting Their Health

Sole had gone weeks without properly eating, drinking, or sleeping. [He/She] had completely dedicated their time to serving the people of the Commonwealth. Despite their fragile state, Sole continued accepting quest after quest in an attempt to make the people happy. After accepting yet another hostage quest, Sole’s companion— who had been silently worrying about their friend’s condition— finally cracked:

Piper: “No more missions for now, Blue. We’re taking a break.” Sole shot an angry look at Piper, who glared back in response. “Open your eyes! take a look at yourself! You aren’t the friendly, witty, hopeful [name] I met in Diamond City anymore. You’re a hollow shell; a mindless zombie who just does mission after mission. I don’t even think you have that genuine passion to help others like you used to.” Sole looked hurt and the reporter sighed. “I’m not trying to be mean, Blue. But trust me when I say you’re falling apart. I can see it. Please, start taking better care of yourself.”

Cait: “Are ye tryin to run yerself into the ground, darlin?” Cait asked. Sole turned around to face their companion, and quickly noticed how concerned the redhead looked. “Day after day ye do this task, and ye do that task, and ye do this favor and that favor and tons of favors,” Cait took a breath, “Seems like all ye do is give, give, give. But you never take for yerself. And ye need that sometimes. Look at ye,” Cait said, scanning Sole from head to toe, “Yer pale as a ghost and bony as a skeleton! Ye look like a corpse. Eat some potato crisps. Eat somethin...anythin! Ye better not die on me, dammit.”

Codsworth: “[Sir/Mum]? Please take a break. You look unwell,” Codsworth stated, floating over to his companion, “I don’t think I’ve seen you look this drained since the first month Shaun was born. The little bugger kept you up all night!” The robot dryly chucked. “In all seriousness, you need to take care of yourself. I’m very concerned about your health...”

Longfellow: “Ever hear that folktale about the sea captain who worked himself to death among his own crew?” Sole shook their head and Longfellow chucked, “Good. Cuz I just made that up and if you’d said ‘yes’ I would’ve caught you in a lie.” He quickly composed himself, “But there is some truth to that, you know. The captain is you and the crew are the people of the Commonwealth. These people are more than capable of taking care of themselves once in a while. They were fine on their own before you came out of the Vault. But from my decades of living, I’ve come to realize that the more you give, the more people are going to take. You can never please everyone, and that’s exactly what’s happening here, lad. It’s time to help yourself now.”

Nick: “You can’t go on like this.” Sole stopped and looked at the obviously concerned detective, “You’re going to work yourself to the grave. You need to have a bite, have a drink, take a darn nap every so often.” Sole blinked and Nick’s tone softened, “I know you’re making tremendous sacrifices for the people— and that’s wonderful— but you can’t be of much assistance if you’re dead.” Nick put a supportive hand on Sole’s shoulder, “Take it from a guy who was on the same boat decades ago. I’ve burnt myself out with cases, and I’ve damn well learned my lesson. Now I’m passing this information onto you so you don’t make the same mistakes I did. You deserve happiness too, you know.”

Hancock: “When are you gonna stop, my friend?” Hancock asked, concerned. Sole looked at him. “Look, I don’t judge and I don’t like tellin people what to do. People deserve the freedom to make their own decisions. I will, however, step in when I see that things start going to shit. And I think you’re in that boat right now with your health.” Sole‘s eyes widened and Hancock gave them a stern look. “I don’t wantcha thinking that I’m some sorta bad guy, because I’m not. I’m just telling you this because it’s damn heart wrenching to watch you destroy yourself like this.” Hancock sighed, “I care about you, [name], and that’s why I’m being such a pain in the ass. Just chill out for a bit, get some food, sleep. You need it.”

Gage: “Er...boss? I think we need to talk.” Gage awkwardly looked around trying to figure out the best way to discuss the topic of his partner’s health. “I think ya need ta stop. Ya...ya look like shit.” Sole glared at their companion and he scratched his head. “What? I’m bein blunt. I ain’t gonna lie. You look like ya haven’t eaten or slept in weeks. Ya need ta start thinkin about yourself more. Your own well-bein is just as important as all those other people’s.”

Preston: “General...I think...I think this settlement can wait. You look exhausted.” Sole looked shocked as their partner looked at the ground. “I hope I’m not working you too hard and I’m so sorry if I am. I can see that you need a break, so please...just take all the time you need to recover. You deserve it.”

Strong: “Strong notice human look weaker than normal,” the supermutant commented, “Why human make self weaker? Supposed to make self stronger!” Sole stared at Strong, genuinely surprised that he’d noticed. “Human need meat. Meat make human strong. Human need sleep too. And milk. Milk make human strong like Strong!”

Curie: “Please!” Curie snapped, on the verge of tears, “Please just stop for a moment and recover! You’re dying, [Monsieur/Madame]! You’re withering away before my eyes!” The synth sniffled and wiped several tears that had begun to stream down her face. “I care very much about you, and it pains me to see you like this. You look so sickly and weak,” Curie continued, “I sincerely apologize if I am being rude, but I just want you to be healthy and happy.”

MacCready: “Uh...hey...” Macready was at a loss for words. Sole looked at him just as he finally gathered his thoughts, “We need to talk.” Sole waited and MacCready sighed. “Look. I get that you’re busy and you want to help people and all that. But when are you going to start taking care you yourself again? You look terrible.” Sole frowned and MacCready frantically tried to recover. “Hold on. Wait, wait, wait. That’s not...exactly...what I meant. What I meant was that you look really...unhealthy. You look like you haven’t had a bite of food or a millisecond of sleep in weeks. I’m really worried.” Sole remained silent and MacCready continued. “I know this probably isn’t what you want to hear, but you should really just relax for a little bit. It could do you some good. It’s hard to watch you do this to yourself, [name].”

Ada: “[Sir/Ma’am]? Maybe you should rest,” The robot stated, “You look jaded, pale, fatigued, malnourished...all symptoms of overexertion. This state can lead up to something more dangerous.” Sole stared at their companion. “Lethal conditions that can manifest as a result of these preexisting symptoms include but are not limited to: hypoglycemia, heart arrhythmia, seizure, stroke, and cardiac arrest.”

X6-88: “[Sir/Ma’am]? There’a something serious I’d like to discuss with you. Is now a good time?” Sole nodded and X6 reciprocated the gesture. “I’d like to talk to you about your health. Or rather, lack thereof,” the Courser began, “You’re deteriorating rapidly. I think it’s because you’re not allowing yourself adequate time to recuperate after an assignment.” Sole looked at the ground and X6 continued, “You are a valuable asset to the future of the Institute. We can’t afford to lose you. Come back with me and take a week off. Eat, drink, sleep, recover. You deserve it.”

Father: “Some things never change,” Father stated, catching Sole’s attention. “Just like in the old days, you’re still a workaholic and a people-pleaser. Working long hours, neglecting your own needs. When will you learn? The more you give, the more these people will take,” Father explained, “They’re never going to be completely happy. So put yourself first. Come back to the Institute and rest up. It saddens me to see you in this state.”

Deacon: “Hey pal. We need to talk. Seriously,” Deacon stated, sternly. Sole faced him, shocked by his unusually serious demeanor. “I know your busy and stressed and stuff but...for once I can’t lie. You look terrible.” Sole was taken aback, and he continued, “Look, I’m not saying this stuff to be mean. I’m just worried about you. I know you haven’t eaten, drunk, or slept in days. Starvation, dehydration, and exhaustion aren’t exactly easy on the looks. You’ve gotta take better care of yourself.”

Desdemona: “Hey. You need to take a break,” Desdemona stated flatly, “You’re going to burn yourself out at this rate.“ Sole faced the redhead, who promptly lit a cigarette. “I know I’m not one to be preaching about self-care, but I’ve seen countless people work themselves to death.You need to take care of yourself, and you need to do it now.”

Danse: Danse hesitated for a moment before finally speaking. “When you have a moment soldier, I...uh...I’d like to discuss something with you.” Sole stopped in their tracks and looked at their partner. The Paladin shifted uncomfortably. “It’s not my place to talk to you about this but...I’ve been concerned about your health lately, solider,” he continued, “I admire your dedication to helping others. Your allegiance to the people of the Commonwealth is truly commendable. But at some point, you have to put yourself first.” Sole frowned in shame, and Danse furrowed his eyebrows. “I don’t want you beating yourself up over this, alright? In the future, just be more mindful of your physical and mental health, soldier.”

Haylen: “Uh...hey. I think it’s about time you take a rest,” Haylen stated, her voice laced with concern, “You’ve been running on empty for the past, what, like three weeks now? Don’t you think it’s time for a break?” Sole shrugged and Haylen rolled her eyes. “Between you, Danse, and Rhys...you’re all so stubborn. Why don’t you take care of yourselves for a change?” She focused her attention back on Sole. “It might be better in the long run for you to...eat and sleep every so often. It’s not healthy to run yourself down like this. You’re going to seriously hurt yourself.”

Maxson: “Hm. I understand you want to help the people of the Commonwealth, but your health seems to be at stake right now,” Maxson commented, “Maybe you should consider food? Or sleep? Maybe water?” Sole stared at Maxson, and the Elder continued, “As valuable of an asset as you are to our team, I am going to have no choice but to put you on temporary leave until you are healthy enough to serve for us. Consider this a warning. Either start taking care of yourself, or you will be barred until you are considered fit for duty again.”

[pessimisticlatte]

Glass Roses ~ Chapter 16

Adrienette ~ Marichat ~ Tom Dupain and Sabine Cheng ~ Platonic Marinette and Chloe ~ Chloe x Sabrina

Enjoy <3

Holding Adrien’s hand in her own, Marinette held the door of the bakery open for her boyfriend as he entered. He’d been to the bakery millions of times but hadn’t had the chance to actually meet Marinette’s parents, let alone meet them as her boyfriend. He was nervous, they’d met him as Chat Noir and he’d ended up making Marinette’s father so angry that he was akumatized; Adrien didn’t want to do that to Mr Dupain again.

“Hello, Adrien,” Tom spoke as evenly as he could. This meeting was nothing like the one he’d had with Chat Noir so many years ago now. This boy loved his daughter and was here to meet her parents as someone who cared deeply for her, but that still didn’t quell the angry worry rising in his chest at the thought of this golden haired boy breaking his daughter’s heart like Chat Noir had. Awkwardly, Tom stuck out his hand.

“Hello, Mr Dupain,” Adrien firmly shook Tom’s hand, smiling slightly as Marinette released his other one and shrugged off her coat, folding it over her arm. “It’s wonderful to finally meet you.”

“You must be Adrien!” Sabine appeared at the bottom of the stairs up the the apartment above with her short hair pulled back into a low, messy bun. She smiled at the boy who returned it with a sheepish half smile before Tom let go of his hand so Mari could take his coat for him. Crossing the room, Sabine appraised her daughter’s boyfriend with scrutinising eyes, scanning left and right and up and down before her shoulders rolled back and she pulled him into a sudden hug. “It is wonderful to meet you, come upstairs!”

Adrien’s cheeks had flared crimson as Sabine released him and led him up to the apartment, chattering about the pastries and things she had set out upstairs for him.

“He’s remarkably calm,” Crossing his arms, Tom watched Sabine and Adrien disappear up the stairs as Marinette hung their coats on a coat rack near the door into the bakery. 

“Well, his father isn’t the most emotive type so Adrien is used to stonewalling. I’ll tell you now though, Papa, that he is terrified that you won’t like him,” Tom chuckled deeply, glancing at his daughter before the two of them began to make their own way upstairs. Pausing slightly before they reached the top, Mari turned to face her father. “He’s amazing, Papa, and I really want you to give him a chance because I think you two will get along very well. Adrien doesn’t have the best home life and I don’t want him thinking he’s unwelcome here because the least he deserves is his girlfriend’s family treating him nicely.”

“I know, Mari,” Tom’s voice was sad, slightly dismayed that his daughter had sensed his apprehension toward Adrien more suddenly than he’d expected her to. “He looked very strange when your mother hugged him, almost as if he hasn’t gotten a proper hug in a long time.”

“First of all, ouch,” Mari jokingly put her hand over her heart as she joked, eliciting a small laugh from her father. “Second of all, his mother passed away a few years ago and his father really doesn’t show affection of any kind beyond what the public sees. I think Maman hugging him is the first time in ages that he’s felt like he’s not missing something. If you know what I mean?”

Smiling sadly, Tom remembered his own childhood and how harsh his father had been on him. How he’d spent too long unaware of how whole physical affection like a hug or even simply squeezing someone’s hand could make him feel. It saddened him to know that his beloved Marinette had found someone like him when he’d been Adrien’s age, though Adrien was coping remarkably better than Tom had been at that stage of his life, but he was proud that she’d brought him home to meet her family who were more than willing to love him where his family had not.

“I think I know what you mean, Mari,” The two continued up the stairs to find Sabine and Adrien sitting at the dining room table with steaming mugs of tea in front of them as they spoke in rapid fire Mandarin. Adrien’s pronunciation was perfect, as usual, and Tom struggled to hold in a broad grin as he saw how lit up his wife was to be talking in her native tongue to someone who spoke as quickly and as well as she did. Sabine didn’t visit her family much, they often came over to visit her in Paris, and she hadn’t realised that she’d missed the sound of natural conversation in Mandarin. Walking to his wife, Tom pressed a kiss to the top of Sabine’s head before both Adrien and Sabine dropped out of Mandarin and into French.

“He speaks Mandarin, Tom!” Sabine was visibly excited. “This boy, Marinette, is a keeper, do not let him go.”

Both Marinette and Adrien flushed before Mari slipped into the empty seat beside her boyfriend and poured herself a cup of peppermint tea from the steaming pot in front of Adrien.

“I’m sorry for how I greeted you, Adrien,” Tom took his seat beside Sabine. “It was rude of me, I was quite nervous to meet you but I was probably less nervous than you are to meet us.” Sabine looked up at her husband with a loving smile, she was proud of him. This apology wasn’t one she’d expected him to give.

“It’s alright, Mr Dupain, I can imagine that my father will be very much the same when he meets Mari for the first time,” 

“Please, call me Tom. As long as you’re with Marinette, you’re family,” The words were sincere, making Marinette’s heart light with happiness as she saw the subtle changes in Adrien’s face as he held back tears. He hadn’t thought that Mr Dupain would hate him but he also hadn’t thought that he’d call him family so soon. “Marinette told me that your father isn’t the most…,” Tom paused for a moment. “Physically affectionate person and I want to let you know that we’re huggers. I don’t want you to feel left out and I really don’t want you to feel like you can’t ask us, both Sabine and I, for a hug if you need one.”

“T-thank you,” Adrien wasn’t sure what to say. 

“I won’t touch too long on what it’s like to have an awful parent but my father wasn’t the most affectionate either and it impacted me badly later in life,” Tom met Adrien’s eyes with reassurance. “You’re not alone and you’re never unwelcome here if you need to escape. You won’t be staying in Marinette’s room of course, but our guest room is always open to you if you need it.”

“Consider Tom and I your second set of parents, Adrien,” Sabine leaned forward slightly and placed her small hand on Adrien’s as a single tear slipped down his cheek, Mari rubbing his back lightly to remind him that this was real and that he deserved it. “And please don’t call us Mr Dupain and Ms Cheng, we’re not overly formal people. You are more than welcome to call us by our first names, Sabine and Tom, or even Maman and Papa like Marinette does as long as it feels comfortable for you to.”

~~~~~~~~~

“Chloe?” Answering her phone with an air of confusion, Marinette couldn’t remember how or why she had Chloe’s number saved to her phone.

“Hi Marinette, I hope I’m not intruding with my call,” Chloe sounded genuine, though there was still a lingering sense in the back of Marinette’s mind that it wasn’t sincere. There had been many changes to Chloe in the past few months with her coming out to her parents, a huge fight with her mum over her sexuality and the barely written plans on how to get the butterfly Miraculous away from Gabriel Agreste, but Marinette was nothing if not wary of the girl who used to bully her so badly. “Is this a good time?”

Adrien had gone home an hour ago, tears in his eyes and his bag stuffed with the best baked goods her parents could supply. Her father had taken to calling him ‘my son’ already and her mother was raving about his aptitude in Mandarin, both demanding to know when he’d come back to the point that Mari had escaped to her bedroom and locked the trapdoor down to the lower level of the house to keep her parents out.

“As good a time as any,” Trying not to let her caution seep into her tone, Marinette sat down on the pink swivel chair in front of her desk.

“I heard Adrien met your parents today?” 

“Yeah, he did,” How could Chloe possi-Adrien had been her friend since childhood, of course he would’ve told her that he was going to meet Marinette’s parents today. 

“How’d it go? I haven’t heard anything from him since he left this morning and I know that no news can be good news but in this case I just want to know how everything went,” Marinette smiled at Chloe’s words. Maybe she’d been too quick to judge when she’d picked up the phone, Chloe genuinely cared about Adrien and this call proved it. Chloe had Sabrina afterall, and she was fully out and happy with her identity so any worried Mari had once had about Chloe and Adrien were beginning to dissipate. 

“It went really well, my parents keep asking when he’s going to come back,” Mari couldn’t keep the smile out of her voice as Chloe cheered happily from the other end of the line.

“Hold on one sec, Mari, Sabby wants to ask me something,”

“Sure, I’m not going anywhere,” So Sabrina was at Chloe’s house and Chloe had still made the decision to call her best friend’s girlfriend to see how everything had gone today? Maybe it lost her some points in the good girlfriend book but won her a million in the best best friend book in Marinette’s mind.

“Sabby wants to know if I can put the phone on loudspeaker, she’d like to hear about how everything went too. Is that alright?” It was a first for Chloe to ask if she could put the phone on loudspeaker, she generally did it anyway, but Marinette agreed and returned Sabrina’s chirped ‘hello’ with one of her own. “So, did Adrien talk to you about the party his dad is throwing at all?”

“No, he didn’t. I got a letter in the mail yesterday from Gabriel with a little card thing that says my name and ‘Adrien’s girlfriend’ on it, which is a little weird,” 

“Well, you are his girlfriend,” Sabrina giggled, Marinette could almost see the look on Chloe’s face at hearing Sabrina laugh. They’d been together for two months and Chloe was absolutely smitten with her red-haired girlfriend, what once had been an almost master/servant relationship where Chloe had ruled everything and not taken no for an answer had turned into something balanced, something equal; even though Chloe almost appeared to worship the ground Sabrina walked on. “But he and his dad had a huge fight about it when he got home yesterday and Adrien’s been a bit off, if you know what I mean, since it happened. He called me after and I really don’t think I’ve ever heard him so angry.”

“So, he wasn’t even as angry as when your mother went off at you after you came out?” The subject was still touchy but Chloe’s laugh was immediate, Sabrina in the background chuckling nervously. Marinette hadn’t meant to ask the question as a joke but she took Chloe’s response as a sign that she was coming to terms with her mother’s outburst. Audrey had said that she’d never accept her daughter for being gay and had tried to turn Andre against Chloe too, but the Mayor of Paris had stood by his beloved daughter and banished his estranged wife from their house until such a time as she could love Chloe for who she was.

“Not that angry, I think that was the only time in my entire life, and I’ve known him my entire life, I’ve seen him want to punch someone but this anger, it was a mix of, well, anger and betrayal,”

“Hmmm,” Marinette couldn’t think of anything to say but her hummed response was the closest she could get to showing Chloe how her heart was bleeding for Adrien after those words.

“He was really looking forward to today though, when I mentioned it to him this morning he perked up. He was really, really nervous to meet your parents but he was excited too and I’m so happy to hear that it went well,”

“Thanks, Chloe,” Marinette smiled and relaxed back into her chair, tucking her leg up underneath herself as she spun slightly. “He seemed to have a good time, my parents have practically adopted him.”

“That’s really good!” There was no missing the sincere happiness in Chloe’s tone, or the slight thump and following ‘oof’ as Sabrina launched herself at Chloe and snuggled into her. “He needs a win, it’s been a while since he’s had one.”

“Yeah,” Mari trailed off slightly. Since finding out that Gabriel was Hawkmoth, Adrien had been struggling with his mental state. There were times when he wasn’t any different to how he was normally but there were also times when he struggled to speak, when the mention of home shut him down, when even seeing his father on a TV screen made him distant. She’d been tempted to message Nathalie and tell her that Adrien wasn’t having the best time but she didn’t know what to say to her that wouldn’t give away Adrien and Marinette’s identities. 

“Hey, Mari, don’t worry,” Chloe used Marinette’s nickname for the first time ever, but the way she said it wasn’t cruel or vindictive, just calming and reassuring, the best she could hope to provide her best friend’s girlfriend when she knew both of them were struggling. “Adrien is tough and once we’ve sorted everything out with his dad, I’m sure he’s going to be fine. Nathalie came over here the other day to talk to dad and I kinda eavesdropped a bit-.”

“Chloe! No!” Sabrina reprimanded Chloe, smacking her lightly on the arm.

“I’m a curious person, Sabby, cut me some slack,” Mari laughed slightly, she wanted to hear why Nathalie had gone to see Mayor Bourgeois. “But Nathalie had come over to talk to dad about getting emancipation papers for Adrien.”

“Emancipation papers?” So Adrien wanted to be emancipated from his father? But that would mean that he would no longer have a fund for university and he would be completely alone in the world, without a home or a family.

“Yeah, I wasn’t too excited to hear her say that because, god knows, Adrien wants to go to university and I’m not sure he has enough in his personal bank account to cover it but Nathalie then asked about adoption papers. She wants to adopt Adrien,”

Mari’s heart grew lighter. He’d spoken about Nathalie a lot, she’d been the one to look after him after his mother had passed and basically been both parents to him since he could remember; if she was going to adopt him then there was no doubt in Marinette’s mind that he was going to be loved and cared for.

“That’s great news!”

“I totally agree, I’ve seen how much she loves him and he really does deserve to have a parent, a legal parent that is, who puts the effort in to be there for him. And once we defeat Hawkmoth, it’s okay, Sabby knows who we are and she’d promised me to keep yours and the others identities a secret. I’d trust Sabby with my life, but once we defeat Hawkmoth, it’s likely that Gabriel will end up in jail and Adrien will inherit the whole Agreste fortune, which is more money than he knows what to do with, but it should be able to cover university for him as well as any court proceedings that need to be done to make sure she gets full custody of Adrien,”

“Chloe, I can’t thank you enough for telling me this. I seriously can’t,”

“It’s alright, Marinette, if it was Sabby in Adrien’s shoes, I’d want you to tell me what you knew so I could better support her. Plus, Adrien really needs his girlfriend by his side for the next few weeks at the very least, he’s not a party kinda person and interacting with large crowds makes him uncomfortable,” Adrien was a model who didn’t like large crowds of people, he’d explained to Mari that it was different when he was on the runway, everyone could see him but he couldn’t see them and they made no effort to talk to him, just about what he was wearing. But the minute he was off the runway and in the middle of a function, he hated the crowd that grew around him and the noise of people talking and music playing and glasses clinking made him feel like he was trapped. “But I think that he’ll be fine if you’re there with him. I’d love to be the one supporting him but it’s time for me to step back because he has you now and he really doesn’t need me trying to play a protector/girlfriend/mother role when he has both you and Nathalie. I’m still going to be his best friend, but I’ll let you do the girlfriend stuff, alright?”

“Thanks, Chloe,” Mari laughed, spinning on her chair again slightly.

“I do have a favour to ask and it is one I can pay you for but I completely understand if you can’t do it,”

“What is it?” Leaning forward slightly, Marinette furrowed her brow as the phone became hot against her ear.

“Well, would you do me the honour of designing my dress for Adrien’s birthday ball? I’ve seen your designs and they’re amazing and I would love to wear one for the ball. If you can’t do it though, if it’s not enough time, I’ll scavenge something from my mum’s closet and wear that to spite her,”

Chloe...Chloe was asking her to design and make a dress for Adrien’s birthday ball? Was this even real? Marinette was so sure that Chloe’s father knew thousands of designers who could make a dress for Chloe but she’d asked her, she’d asked Marinette Dupain-Cheng, to make one for her.

“T-that would be incredible, Chloe!” Chloe wearing one of her designs was going to be incredible! She had the build of a supermodel and was a perfect canvas for a design of dress Marinette had been working on for just over six months. Mari had thought the design would suit Alya but after making the mock-up dress, the style had made her look shorter and more blocky than she was. Alya had taken the disaster dress in good humour but Marinette had almost abandoned it due to embarrassment, now Chloe was here with her height and slender frame to provide Marinette with the saving grace she needed to be able to complete the dress. 

“Yes! Are you free tomorrow at all?”

Mari pulled her calendar up on her computer, today was Sunday and she had school tomorrow but she finished at 1:15 so she had all afternoon free. Adrien had fencing practice then ballroom dancing classes so she wasn’t going to be able to spend much time with him tomorrow anyway.

“I’m free from 1:15,”

“I finish at 12, so we can meet outside school after you’re done and then go fabric shopping,”

“Sounds great,” Marinette’s smile stretched from ear to ear as she spun slowly on her chair.

“I’ll cover everything, by the way, you’re already making the dress for me and I will pay you for it once it’s done but I’ll buy the fabric too because, knowing me, I’m going to pick something really expensive and delicate and I don’t want to send you broke,” Both girls laughed, Sabrina joining in with a giggled joke about how only Chloe would make making a dress into climbing Everest. 

“Awesome, then I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“You can count on it,” 

“Alright, bye Chloe, bye Sabrina,”

“Bye Marinette!” The phone conversation ended, Mari swinging on her chair before releasing a loud cheer.

“You sound happy, purr-incess, good news?” She spun, seeing Adrien dressed as Chat leaning against the frame of her open balcony doors with his arms crossed loosely and a charming half-smile playing on his lips.

~~~~~~~~~

Snuggling into Chloe’s side, Sabrina felt her girlfriend begin to play with the loose strands of her auburn hair, rubbing her fingers slightly against her scalp.

“If there was enough time, I’d get Marinette to design a dress for you too, Sabby,” Chloe pressed a soft kiss to the top of Sabrina’s head. “But I don’t want to overwhelm her and I really want her to know that I’m sincere about being her friend. I’ve been so awful to her in the past and I’ve been so awful to you too and I don’t want to be awful anymore.”

“You’re not awful, Chloe, you were young and misguided but the fact that you’re trying to be a better person now means that you’ve change and you’ve done it for the better,” 

“I don’t deserve you, Sabby,” There was a sadness in Chloe’s voice that made Sabrina’s heart ache.

“Yes, you do, and I never want to hear you say those words ever again,” Sabrina sat up and looked Chloe dead in the eye, the blonde girl giving her full attention to her girlfriend instead of the movie playing behind her. “Who stood up to your mother when she lost her shit about you being gay?”

“I did…,”

“Who went out of her way to tell me that she loved me even though she thought I wouldn’t return her feelings?”

“Um...me...I did,”

“Who is trying her absolute hardest to repair the relationship between her and her childhood best friend’s new girlfriend not because her best friend asked her to but because she wants to?”

“Me,”

“We can’t all be wonderful people all the time, Chloe, and sometimes you need to go through a period where you’re so lost that you can’t let others help you find your way, you’re out of that period in your life now. You’ve come out the other side and you found your own way there,” Sabrina grabbed Chloe’s hand and squeezed it tightly, tears welling in the redhead’s eyes. “Your past does not define you, it’s what you choose to do now. If you choose to be a good person, to rebuild what has been broken and forge new bonds, then you are worthy of anything. If you choose to go back to being a heartless bitch, then I’ll slap you out of it because that’s not who you are.”

“You’re wonderful all the time, Sabby,” Chloe wrapped her girlfriend into a hug, resting her chin on top of Sabrina’s head. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

~~~~~~TAGLINE~~~~~~ @katieykat513 @lady-charinette @maniic-pixie-dream-girl @mochegato @nifflerstorm @beauty-and-her-books @camelliaflwr @a-star-with-a-human-name @hnbutt @aussie-lesbian @imgaydontshoot 

DM to be tagged!

[wronqness99]

Who Told You?

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 3K+

Requested by: @chezzasposts I hope you like it! 

> About my writing

Characters: Son Hyunwoo/Shownu (Monsta X) X Female Reader

*The image doesn’t belong to me, credits to the owner.*

Y/N had been a trainee under Starship Entertainment for six years before giving up on being an idol. Not that it had ever been her dream anyway.

Actually, it had all begun back in high school when Y/N had first met Chae Hyungwon. They were from the same class and since they belonged to the same group of friends, they soon became friends themselves. It had been during their high school years they had found themselves auditioning for Starship due to a bet they'd made with their friends.

Well, not exactly them; Hyungwon.

Thinking he could handle more than four glasses of beer without getting drunk on a night out with friends, he had decided to make a bet: If he became drunk before the fourth glass, he'd go to an audition and he'd convince Y/N to go with him.

What had first started as a joke, soon became a passion and eventually a career for Hyungwon. However, as the years went by, Y/N became tired of waiting. At first, she thought that maybe she'd be given a chance one day and that she would find a happy future in performing and singing like Hyungwon had. But that moment never came.

It hurt to see all her friends debut while she had to practice day in and day out to try to win the spotlight for herself. They made her believe she wasn't good enough and that was when Hyungwon started regretting dragging his friend onto this adventure.

Thanks to him and his persistence, however, Y/N had been given some jobs as a backup dancer and that was actually when she got to meet the other members of Monsta X.

When the band first debuted, Hyungwon had convinced their CEO to give her the opportunity to work as one of their dancers and at that moment, Y/N felt truly happy and hopeful, like maybe if she proved herself with this opportunity they'd finally give her the chance to debut.

The Monsta X members had been with her every step of the way and it bothered them to see their friend work herself so much without getting any recognition. It wasn't fair. They all felt sad for her, but one person in special felt like their friend was being truly wronged: Hyunwoo.

She remembered how shy she had felt at first before Minhyuk along with her high school friend made her feel like she belonged and gave her the confidence to be her true self around them. She loved being surrounded by the members, whenever they were around there was never a dull moment. Y/N had quickly become fond of Minhyuk, who never failed to make her laugh, but she had also learned how much of a trickster he could be, always pulling pranks on people and his constant bickering with Hyungwon never letting her smile fall out of place. The maknaes were true sweethearts always making her cringe with their aegyo, nevertheless, showing themselves to be reliable friends at all times. Y/N especially loved hanging around Jooheon, who always gave her such great happy and energetic vibes just by being his positive, cheerful self. Despite loving the members all the same, the girl had felt especially touched by Hoseok and Kihyun's act of kindness. After seeing her agonizing struggle, the 93 liners ended up freeing some of their schedules to reunite and help their friend with her vocals, in hopes that it would maybe help her debut faster.

Even though Y/N proclaimed her love for the boys to be the same, they all knew it was a lie. They all knew it was Hyunwoo who had always owned her heart.

Y/N, who was an extrovert at heart, became shy whenever the leader was around and it didn't go unnoticed by her how shy he was, too. Nonetheless, after hearing about Y/N from Hyungwon, Shownu had spoken to her so they could practice together in order to learn from one another and slowly better their own skills.

Hyunwoo had always admired her brightness and her kind heart, it was one of the reasons why he loved Y/N. She made him feel at peace because. Whenever they were together, it seemed like all the hardships were forgotten. And for that reason, it saddened the man a lot when he realized that her smiles were not as genuine as he wished they were. He had been taken aback when one time after practice he had caught her crying in a corner of the studio. He never thought she felt as bad as she did. When he sat down next to Y/N, she had immediately tried to hide her tears, but when Hyunwoo gently grabbed her wrist and pulled her into his chest, Y/N just allowed herself to break down. She couldn't hold it in anymore and things somehow felt easier when he was around to support her. It had been him who had been there through most of her breakdowns. He became her best friend, it was rare the day they spent without seeing each other. When she felt tired, when she wanted to give up, it was always in his arms she found the strength to keep going, but she needed more. She needed more from the company who never seemed to pay her any mind. Hyunwoo tried hard to fill the void in her heart, however, when it came to the company matters, unfortunately, there was nothing the man could do.

During one of Monsta X's rehearsals, Shownu had seen through the mirror when Y/N fell and landed weirdly on top of her feet. Being in the back of the room, the girl had just gotten up and pretended that nothing had happened, thinking no one had noticed. Hyunwoo, however, could see how much pain she was in when she bit the inside of her cheek and her eyes welled up with tears as she tried to keep following the choreography.

Taking a hand to his head, Shownu turned to their choreographer.

"Do you think we can stop for today? I'm feeling light headed," The man lied, furrowing his eyebrows and wiping his sweat with a towel.

"If you're not feeling well, then we'll stop for today, and just add the hour we have left to a future practice." The man said before wishing everyone a good night and walking out of the studio.

The members chugged down their water bottles in seconds, tired from the intense practice.

"What do you guys think; a cold shower and then some ramyeon and tteokbokki?" Hoseok proposed, wiping off his sweat.

"Sounds good to me," I.M. stated, the others nodding in agreement. "Noona, come with us!" He invited with a smile, turning to Y/N who sat on one of the wooden benches. Y/N smiled back tiredly and open her mouth to answer, only to be cut off by the eldest.

"She can't, I'm going to take her somewhere, you guys enjoy yourselves," Shownu stated, zipping up his bag and pressing his lips in a line as he turned to his friends.

"Ohh, he's gonna take her out somewhere!" Minhyuk joked, nudging Changkyun and wiggling his eyebrows.

"Oh, oppa." I.M. went along with his hyung's joke, grabbing his face and pretending to kiss his lips making the others laugh even more. Shownu stepped towards them, making them immediately separate and run out of the room, the others following suit after waving and wishing them both a good night.

Shownu walked towards Y/N and crouched down in front of her, carefully taking her foot into his hands and ridding it of the shoe and sock. Y/N's eyes widened, her cheeks acquiring a rosy tone.

"You noticed, huh?" She questioned embarrassed, as she tried not to hiss with the pain.

"Thankfully I did, otherwise you'd just keep going with your foot injured." She bit her lip, looking away from him. "Let's go." He said and got up, extending his hands towards his friend.

"Where are we going?"

"The hospital."

"There's no nee-"

"Y/N" Shownu scolded, looking at her sternly. He couldn't stand to see the person he loved hurting whether it was physically or psychologically and at the moment, he knew she was hurting in both ways.

Y/N sighed, looking at the man before nodding her head.

"Alright, ok. If that will make you feel more at rest, I'll go." She said, putting her sock and shoe back on. Trying to get back up on her feet, Y/N squealed and lost footing, unable to hold her weight onto her injured foot. Hyunwoo ran up to her and caught her in his arms before she injured herself even more. Y/N held onto his muscular arms, feeling a mix of emotions. She was on the brink of a mental breakdown. She felt anxious, scared, sad, drained and in pain.

Hearing her soft sobs, Hyunwoo placed his lips on top of her forehead and lovingly ran his hand through her hair, wanting to comfort her somehow.

"It's fine, Y/N. Everything is gonna be fine." He whispered in her ear before lifting her up in his arms and letting her hide her crying face on the crook of Hyunwoo's neck, neither of them caring about who was around to see.

Catching a cab they soon got to the hospital where Y/N's condition was evaluated and the doctor ended up having to immobilize her foot and give her crutches due to a badly sprained ankle, which was meant to help with the swelling and lessen the pain. Besides making walking harder for the girl, the situation also caused her to not be able to do what she loved for about three weeks. And in those three weeks, she reflected on her life and how it wasn't going the way she would've liked it to. That time helped her put things into perspective and decide what was best for her, so three days before Y/N was supposed to go back to training, she called the Monsta X members to her house so she could share her decision.

Knowing that dancing was the one thing that truly fulfiled her heart and didn't put her mental stability at risk 24/7 due to the constant stress and pressure to be perfect, Y/N had decided to leave the company.

The girl ordered a bunch of food since she knew the members would be starving after practice and organized everything on the livingroom's table, placing some pillows around the table so they could eat comfortably. When the boys got there Y/N was bringing the drinks from the kitchen and they were quick to sit her down and bring those themselves.

"You shouldn't be carrying things on your own with your foot like that," Hoseok scolded.

"It's fine, oppa, it doesn't hurt anymore." She assured him.

"Well, it also doesn't hurt to be careful so it doesn't get worse now, does it, Miss. Y/L/N?" Hyungwon questioned sarcastically, ruffling their hair and making their friends laugh. She huffed and swatted his hand away, putting her hair up in a messy bun. Rubbing her hands together, the girl began talking.

"Well, I didn't invite you guys for dinner just for the sake of eating and convivence this time around. I have something I want to share with you guys. I thought it would be better to just tell you and get this off the way than to catch you by surprise and have you be mad at me." The boys looked at her with curious expressions. Hyunwoo could almost feel what was coming next, however, he remained quiet.

"Well, what is it?" Jooheon asked.

"I'm leaving the agency," y/n stated, looking at the boy's faces. Contrary to her expectations, the men weren't as surprised as she thought they'd be. Smiling, Minhyuk crouched down beside his friend and hugged her.

"Honestly, I feel relieved you're making this decision."

"Yeah, I was starting to feel bad for dragging you to the auditions," Hyungwon confessed, making her shake her head."

"Don't. I went with you because I thought I wouldn't get in, to be honest. And even when I got accepted it was solely my decision to stay and give it a try, Hyungwon. It was never your fault."

Hyunwoo had been shaken by the news, he was afraid that the change would cause a falling out between her and the members. At that moment he wished he had the courage to tell her his true feelings, but he couldn't seem to get the words to come out.

"What are you going to do now? Do you have any plans?" He questioned.

"Yeah, I'm gonna open my own dance academy," She announced happily. It had been a while since they'd seen her eyes so bright and a smile so genuine. They knew she was going to start a new positive phase in her life.

"That is great!" Kihyun chimed in cheerfully. "We'll go visit you, don't think you'll get rid of us this easily." He joked, making her laugh.

"I don't want to rid myself of you guys, you are the best thing that happened to me during my time at the agency," She stated, leaving them in awe, touched by her confession. "Please visit me a lot, you will always be welcome whether it is here at my house or at the dance academy."

"We should stop this before noona makes us cry," Changkyun said, dabbing his damp under eyes with a tissue. "Also, I'm hungry." He stated sniffling before grabbing some kimchi and devouring it, stealing laughs from the group.

"Ah, I'm so glad you guys came into my life!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The day after Y/N had gone to the agency and expressed her desire to leave to the CEO, who was a bit taken aback by her sudden decision. However, the man could understand her point and wished her the best of luck on her new project and feeling bad for how much the girl had waited without receiving anything in return, he went as far as to invite her to actually choreograph some of Monsta X and WJSN's future works, which Y/N gladly accepted.

After making this decision, Y/N finally felt free. She couldn't believe it was possible fot a human being to feel this happy and free in life.

After Y/N opened her dance academy, her name finally got out there in the dance industry and being able to choreograph for two growing k-pop groups only helped her success grow more and more.

She still saw the members regularly, specially Shownu, who would always pick her up from the academy after their practice ended to go on what his members liked to call "small last minute dates" with his friend. It was the best part of their days. Not even them being caught by the paparazzi stopped them from seeing each other. Since they were still working together, the agency never really cared about dismissing the rumours that they themselves assumed to be untrue.

They did like each other, the hand holding, the constant laughs they stole from one another or simply the looks in their eyes whenever they were in each other's company didn't leave room for denials. However, they were both extremely oblivious to the way the other felt, reason why neither of them wanted to take the first step and confess.

It was backstage at the MB Net show they had gotten to know each other's hearts for the first time.

"Son Hyunwoo, will you stop?" Y/N asked annoyed as she tried to help the man put on his mic in a way that it wouldn't fall mid choreography.

"Excuse me?! Are you speaking informally to me, miss Y/L/N?!" He questioned jokingly, tickling her sides and making her double over, laughing while trying to escape his from his hold.

Hearing a chuckle, Hyunwoo stopped and looked up, finally enabling Y/N to breath and regain her composure. Noticing who it was they immediately bowed, paying respects to their sunbae.

"You two are seriously so cute," Jackson mused, touched by the couples adorable nature. "Hyung, you have to teach me how to get such a pretty and loving girlfriend," The younger male stated as he leant on the wall, taking a gulp of his water and wiping his sweat, still tired from just finishing his performance.

"Oh, no sunbaenim, we are not dating," Y/N replied shaking her head, feeling shy after hearing such thing in front of Shownu.

"Because she doesn't want to." Shownu stated, making Y/N's head shot up towards him in surprise. The girl smirked.

"Who told you?" She questioned, making Jackson spit his water out and leaving the older man gobsmacked by her words. Smiling at the younger man, who now looked at her wide eyed, Y/N bowed and left to help the other members get ready for their performance which was soon to begin.

Jackson approached Shonwu, tapping his shoulder. "Yah, hyung? Are you just gonna stay here and do nothing? I'm pretty sure she just confessed!" The man stated enthusiastically. Shownu smiled like a fool and nodded, shyly looking at the floor.

"Yeah, I guess she just did."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/N stood by the stairs, watching the members walk up on stage when all of a sudden she felt hands on her hips spinning her around and soft lips placed on top of her own.

Shownu pulled away with a smile, looking at her widened eyes.

"After this, I guess I'm going to have to take you on a date and ask you to be my girlfriend." He winked before placing a kiss on her forehead and heading up to the stage with a big smile plastered on his face.

Y/N felt her stomach do flips and her cheeks go a deep shade of red as she tried to assimilate Hyunwoo's words. She smiled. He liked her back, that much she had understood from their conversation with Jackson earlier and the maknae line plus Minhyuk's not so subtle hints, but never in a million years had she thought a shy guy like Hyunwoo would gain the courage to ask her out, let alone to be his girlfriend. She felt truly content with his sudden outburst of confidence. Y/N had been waiting for this moment for what felt like a lifetime.

She was incredibly thankful their paths had crossed. When she met him, Y/N knew she had met her soulmate, the person she would like to spend the entirety of her life with.

Y/N knew Hyunwoo was the man for her because in all the world, there was no heart for her like his' nor a love for him like her's.

She had fallen for her best friend.

And being best friends, they were the shoulder each other could lean on, the person they could run to, the love of each other's lives and each other's everything.

MASTERLIST 

[tekka-dan]

Also while venting to my therapist about my toxic friendship that ended in January, I recounted events as early as 2007 regarding the way she was acting towards me and my therapist made the comment “sweetheart, not a soul on earth would’ve stayed friends with someone that long and still have been so kind..” and she looked very saddened by the admittance that for over a decade I was friends (I honestly considered her a close aquatintence..) with a girl who was toxic and shady from the beginning and I still saw the best in her.

The reason she was brought up in therapy was because I told my therapist I wanted to apologize to her.

Here’s the run down (summarized):

- November 2018 I got back in touch with the friend who disappeared on me for several months

- She tells me she is now married to a woman (the last time we spoke she was begging me for money that I wouldn’t send her and lying about a domestic relationship with a man she was involved with that turned into her dating his sister when she got him put in jail for false accusations...that she forced his own sister to play her side on during court)

- I was weary of her...but I’m genuine, I accept her back into my life..I assume we will be distant as always (I kept my distance from her because I didn’t want to be dragged into any of her mess..)

- I (mistakenly) inform her about my relationship with a very good man (I used to tag him on here..yeah, I miss that)

- December 2018....the problems embark

- First week of December was spent dealing with her issues regarding her wife..she disclosed very insensitive information to me regarding someone she was married to and I felt like it was disrespectful of her...but I am a genuine person so I heard her out..let her speak. Those problems stayed between us. Her and her wife went back to being “fine”...

- Second week of December 2018 a friend of mine was having a crisis. I went to his house for comfort (his mother passed away suddenly and I met her that summer so to me it felt like a loss also) the guy I was dating knew about me going to see my friend...he was weird about it.

- Third week of December 2018...I am not officially dating the guy I was dating (wasn’t official because I wanted to slow down..it was still rushed anyway) within two days of dating he was going through my messages on my phone without my knowledge or permission. I felt like that was crossing a line...I thought we trusted each other. I was hurt.

- Fourth week of December 2018...angry, I went to my friend in person to vent. She comforted me along with her wife. I felt better...I felt home. They made me tea and something to eat. I said a lot of things in anger about the guy that day but in the end I still went home to him and we made up. Things were good.

- January 2019...the shitstorm hits the fan. Invited friend out with boyfriend in hometown to work out. Her wife didn’t come..she felt neglected but my boyfriend at the time made sure to make her feel included however he also focused on me most...which I found alluring. Didn’t notice that my friend was high key jealous...it showed later that night.

- January 2019 still the first week and same day as previous line. Friend decides to bring up old friend from high school in an odd way. She asks me “Have you spoken to her recently?” I reply honestly with “No, but I have never really been close to her. She’s cool.” Mistake 1...of many with my reply. She went back to old friend and told her “Dani says you and her haven’t talked recently so you’re a liar.” She tells me this, hoping it would anger me..it doesn’t. I simply say “No hard feelings. I see her on Facebook and she looks well. I hope all is well.” My friend doesn’t like my docile response...this will turn bitter the next hour.

- Same day, I am now driving in place of my tired and exhausted boyfriend back to their city, two hours from the hometown. Friend decides to randomly say “(friends name who she mentioned earlier) Looks fucking stupid. She’s a girl looking like a man. Haha remember when you were into that shit?” This angers me. My boyfriend in the backseat heard this comment..but he and I discussed it prior to dating..she says this like it was supposed to make him question me..neither he nor I react. So she keeps talking. “Don’t you think that’s fucking weird? You’re a GIRL! With GIRL parts! You’re not a fucking man.” While she’s talking I remember back years prior where she would say something aimed to make me react..but this time, I knew better. I also remember in present day she’s dating a woman who looks like a man herself, when meeting her wife I let her wife speak first so I knew the pronouns she preferred and she goes by “she”. Either way I remember wanting to say “That’s insensitive (friends name). You’re married to someone like that. Have some class.” But instead I say nothing, because in my head this wasn’t worth an argument and I knew all she wanted to be was right...so I said nothing. This would be the biggest regret I’d ever make.

- January 2019...second week. I get a call from my boyfriend in tears the day before his 21st birthday. He tells me that my friend invited him over to their house (mind you all, I don’t live there or near them...this doesn’t mean I don’t trust them despite my friends history of insecurity...I was secure in myself and man to not think she would ever pull such a foul move...) and they told him everything I said the night I was angry. Remember that being from December.....I remember not saying anything for a moment because I was shocked she crossed me but I also was not going to lie. He accepts my admittance and we are fine. My friend however....isn’t happy that we made up. She doesn’t stop there.

- The final thread that broke us. January 25th 2019...it all ends. She couldn’t let go that for once I was happy with someone and rather than seeing me happy and looking at her miserable last minute marriage to a woman she obviously didn’t know well enough to be angry about trivial things...her jealousy got the best of her. She ruined my relationship with my boyfriend and she attempted to ruin my relationship to the friend she brought up. The friend however knows me better than her and rather than letting her talk shit about me, she came directly to me saying “Everything I’m hearing from (friends name) is rather disturbing and doesn’t sound like you at all. Can I please ask what’s going on for her to be sending me messages trash talking you like she and I are friends or even on that level? I’m not comfortable with this. If I caused anything I’m very sorry but this truly bothers me what she’s saying about you *she attached the screen shots*”

- February 2019....I had not responded to the screen shot message in two weeks. Not because Of shock but because I wanted to see their characters play out. I’m genuine...I have nothing bad to say about the friend who ruined my relationship to a distant friend who hasn’t spoken to me in years...it just simply wasn’t my character to go back and forth like this..so I didn’t.

- Valentine’s Day 2019...my ex has moved on. He’s dating a girl he was seeing two days after splitting from me. I wished him the best. I am genuine...so when I said I hope he’s happy, I meant it. The friend who ruined us followed his social media until he re-made his accounts. I remember telling myself that all good things end but I couldn’t bring myself to understand..what I did wrong for them to even end.

So I’m sitting with my therapist in 2019 now 10 months later, telling her all this (plus the stuff from 2007 that’s just too many receipts to type out here) and she knows all of this and the words that I finish with were “I want to apologize to her.”

My therapist was shocked. After hearing all that, she was genuinely shocked. However my mind has been made up for months that I wanted to apologize to my friend. But let me finish...

I want to apologize to my friend for trusting her. For allowing myself to think that because she could trust me and come to me with genuine confusion and pain..that I thought I could do the same. To apologize for allowing the pain of years prior to never tell her how she hurt me or why simply because I made the excuse “that’s who she is..I accept it about her. I won’t hold it against her” to be the reason I kept allowing her shitty behavior and attitude to poison my life. To apologize for thinking she ever really meant she was changing when she said she was. For being her cheerleader while she was stealing my happiness, trust and care to then poison the water we drank. I wanted to apologize to her for being true and pure while she was fake and toxic.

In the end she left me with a message that I kept screen shot and as my lock screen, to remind me exactly why our friendship ended. Because even in the end I still felt so bad...so bad for her because I knew she was hurting and lost..I genuinely wanted to know she was alright. I wanted the best for her but she was jealous of me the whole time.

I’m bittersweet about our friendship having ended. It still hurts and even though now I accept it, it was very hard to me to realize I don’t need to apologize to her. I expected one from her though, for all these years, and even when she never thought to say sorry to me..she still crossed my mind even after what she did to me.

But I am finally free..I can finally wash my hands of this and I can say I’m finally clean of this and her.

[peculiarbob]

Desolate Souls and Broken Minds

Chapter 3: Good as Dead

Chapter 2: The Dream

Chapter 1: New Beginnings

Side note: The next chapter won’t come out for a little while because I can only write on the weekends (School started up again) But I’ll try to work quick.

Word count: 2130

Summary: Tim is even more stressed now that Cas brought Jessica to the bunker to help out. Despite him not wanting her to stay she objects. Things don’t get better when Jack goes missing only to return with disturbing news.

I go to the bathroom and lock the door behind me. The icy cold water washes over my face as a relieving sense of reality finally hits me. This wasn’t part of the dream. I look at my tired face in the mirror. My eyes now have dark bags beneath them, my unkempt dark brown hair was now stuck to my soaked face. My once clean shaven face with sideburns, now sported a messy beard and mustache. I wash my face once more before heading out to confront Jessica and Castiel. I put on my best “I don’t want to cry, I’m emotionally stable” face and walk out.

“Look, Jessica, you probably have some questions.” she nods in response.

“Where are we, who are all these people, what’s going on?”

“This is the bunker, it’s their home, it’s somewhere in Kansas. I’m not sure where exactly, I was kidnapped.” she looked concerned at the last statement, “This is Castiel, he’s an angel of the lord. There’s three more people, the short one is Jack, he’s a half angel or something, the taller one is Dean, and the tallest one is Same. They hunt monsters, yup, those exist. And, um- the creature that made all our friends go crazy, it’s back and stalking Jack. There’s also two hooded men, and one of them was spying on you. Also I became, not myself, again. Sooo, yeah.”

We all sit in silence for a little while. Jessica was obviously trying to make sense of everything I just said. I’m still trying to figure everything out.

After a little bit, she cautiously says, “Okay? Umm…. Have you taken your medications?” when I nod she says, “Are you sure?” I tell her that I did and swallow a pill in front of her to prove myself. We all sit in silence again.

“Sooo.” I say, “How’re you doing?”

“Fine. Not normal, but fine.”

With an eye roll Cas finally says, “Okay, so you’re caught up now. Are you two are the only ones who’ve encountered the creature?” Jessica bites her lip then looks at me. I lie and say yes.

“Then you need to help us. There is no lore about this thing, I’ve never even heard about it in heaven, and Jack is miserable-”

“He doesn’t know what being miserable is like.” I snap, “I’ll help, but spare me the pitiful details. Take Jessica home, she doesn’t need to get back into this mess.”

I try to regain my calm but Jessica argues with me for a while. We come to the agreement that she gets to stay in the bunker, to support Jack, but she doesn’t get involved with the actual work. Cas takes her back home to pack up then will return so she can temporarily move in. I go back to sleep, well, more like lie on my back while having the covers up to my chin out of paranoia. I don’t get any more rest for the night.

It’s now five thirty in the morning. I get up, change, take my pills, then head to the kitchen. I’m surprised to see that Jessica’s already up, she’s eating french toast covered in syrup and a large glass of milk. I head to the fridge to grab some eggs to make for breakfast.

“Morning.” Jessica calls in a soothing voice, “Got any sleep?”

“Not really. You?”

“No.”

I make scrambled eggs with bacon and a glass of milk. We eat together and catch up. Jessica has a job as a delivery driver for “Ship Cut”, nothing significant has really happened since I left, sleep still doesn’t come easily though. I then tell her most of the major events leading up to now, I left out the dream and the couple times I had a breakdown. No one needs to know those things. I try to lighten the mood but, surprise surprise, I can’t remember any good times we had together. We ended up talking about when our friends were alive.

“I’m not sure if you’ve ever met Brian. H-he was the hooded man.”

“I remember him, shame that I never got to meet him before he became that guy.”

“Yeah, he was a great guy, and the best friend I could ask for.” Neither of us said anything for a moment.

“Shame I didn’t really get to meet any of them before everything went crazy.” I nod in agreement. “What were they like?” I think back to when my life was “normal”.

“Jay was kind, an idiot don’t get me wrong, but he was always so nice to everyone. You were either a friend of Brian or you were his family.” I can feel a smile spread across my face remembering such amazing people, “Even Alex was a good guy, he put so much pride into everything he did.”

We stop the conversation when Dean walks into the room. It’s almost seven now, time sure does fly. The rest of the guys eat, Jessica heads back to her room, then we start work. We don’t have much to go off of, who am I kidding? I was the only one besides Jessica who could even try to help. If the guys who built this place were such good hunters, then why was there no information on this creature. Maybe it was all destroyed, I doubt it though. They pretty much only wanted to know what it is, what it wants, and how to kill it. I couldn’t answer any of those questions, I could give advice though.

“It seems like this place has a weird protection from the creature. For now it would be best if Jack stayed inside at all times. NEVER get close to it, don’t try to interact with it. Where is Jack anyways?” They all look around while Dean calls his name, no one answers. I’m surrounded by morons. We have to quickly pack some things, a pocket knife, a first aid kit, and my pills, then head out. It’s the middle of the day so I hope it’ll be easy to spot the kid.

It’s been about two hours! How far could he have gone?! We were only talking for about what, ten minutes? We’ve been calling his name, going down the paths he mostly goes on, walked along the road, and he doesn’t seem the type to idiotically head into danger. I can’t say the same for these three. We’re now five miles into the woods and there’s no signs of Jack. We could split up to cover more grounds like Dean suggested, but that’s obviously not a good idea. There’s strength in numbers, especially when it comes to this creature. I didn’t want to tell them the full story of what happened to me in the past, it probably would’ve helped them understand but it’s painful just thinking about it.

It’s now about three thirty and we’ve already covered a lot of the place. Sam suggested we call the someone because he’s technically a missing person. I only said no because anyone who gets involved ends up dead or missing. We start to head back with the hope that we’ll see him on the way to the bunker. By the time we got back our hopes were gone. Jessica was drinking a cup of coffee at the table while reading some of the Men of Letters’ books. When she saw that there were only four of us her expression saddened and I can see her say to herself, “Oh no.”

We were about to sit down when a knock came from the front door, I got up to open it. It was Jack. I was genuinely surprised, but nevertheless happy. But happiness soon turned to worry, his once neatly styled hair was now disheveled, he was bruised, scratched, and slightly bloodied. Everyone got up to welcome him and they looked concerned as well. Cas healed the boy then we started asking him questions.

“Where did you go? Why did you wander off like that?!” Dean asked loudly.

“Why did you look like you got into a fight?” Sam said in a concerned tone.

“Were you kidnapped?!” Cas says while handing him a cup of ice water.

He was getting visually overwhelmed. When the rest of them noticed this they stopped asking questions. Jack was rubbing his temples as if he had a headache, he looked tired as well. He drank an entire glass of water before slowly speaking.

“After breakfast I went out for a walk, I don’t know why. When I was about two miles into the woods I thought I saw something. I know you don’t like it here, Tim, so I thought I could kill it with my powers. But….” he paused for a moment, “But then someone punched me, they were strong. I couldn’t see who because my vision was blurred, but then another person started dragging me by the wrist. I could barely stay on my feet. I kept tripping over things so I couldn’t see them either. I’m sorry, I failed at this too.” He continued to tell us that the thing was getting closer and he was feeling sick, then he had to use his powers to get the two people away from him. He only ran for what felt like ten minutes but by the time he got back to the bunker hours had past.

Jessica gave him a one armed hug but while doing so, she looked at me with a concerned face. We were both asking ourselves the same thing, “Who are these people?” To be honest, Jack, Sam, Dean, and Cas are as good dead. They’re marked and we have no idea how to save them. There’s nothing we can do, I’ve decided it’s my time to leave. It’s not easy but there was no point staying an seeing them die slowly or go insane. I go to my room to start packing up.

“So you’re just gonna walk away?” I turn around to see Jessica, “You more than anyone knows that in times like these it’s best to have someone with you.”

“They have each other, they’ll be…. Well I wouldn’t say ‘fine’ but you get what I’m saying.”

“If we go the creature won’t be around them ALL of the time. Maybe it’s best we leave, I’ll get packed.” Without another word she turns around and heads to her room. When we finish packing we decide to stay one last night. Dinner was silent and awkward, and apparently Cas doesn’t eat. I can’t sleep, too many thoughts running through my mind.

Maybe Brian is one of the hooded people, but I saw his dead body. But he could’ve been acting, he was pretty good at it. What if Alex is alive and now stalking people while wearing a hoodie? Could Jay be alive? Did I take my medications? Yup I did, why am I thinking about these things? Maybe I miss my friends. If angels are real, then there’s a possibility that God and heaven exists. I hope they’re happy if they’re up there. But that’s if it does exist. I wonder if Jessica ever thinks about them? She never really got to know them though. I’m just so tired.

It’s now the morning, three thirty two to be exact. We left a note saying, “We decided to leave. The creature can’t stalk both of us all the time if we’re not in the same place. Stay safe and remember our advice. -Tim and Jessica”

It’s still dark out and our surroundings are surprisingly eerie. We quickly put our belongings in the car and start driving. We drove for about five hours before we stopped at a gas station. We both went inside to use the restroom and grab some supplies. When we got back to the car it wouldn’t move. We got out to look when I noticed something.

“Uhhh, Jessica? All the tires are slashed.”

“What? We were in there for what, five minutes?”

I notice something on the ground. I picked it up and saw, in sharpie, that oh so famous symbol, a circle with an X going through it. There was also a word written above the symbol in a scratchy font, “Skully”. I’m not sure what it means but I’m keeping it, for now I’m not going to tell Jessica. I hope Sam, Dean, Cas, and Jack are alright. I stuck a post-it note on my bed with my phone number, so we can stay in contact. We have to call someone to help us out, they said it would take them about an hour before they can get to us. I swear I can see something moving along the tree line, but it’s probably my imagination.

[just-jordie-things]

Sometime Around Midnight - Richie Tozier

word count: 7568 warnings: swearing, drinking link to the song here if ur interested

[ and it starts sometime around midnight // or at least that’s when you lose yourself for a minute or two]

Richie Tozier used to be the party king.  

He used to be the guy everyone went to first to invite to one.  He was that fun drunk teenager, who would do the craziest things, bringing the craziest life to the parties.  He was the guy that passed out in bathtubs, danced on kitchen tables, got tattooed (which was only once), and didn’t ‘dial it down a notch’ until he puked and it was time to be done.

Him and his right hand man, his one and only, his best girl, love of his life, y/n y/l/n.  It was those two until the end.  Starting the night with drinking games and a little dancing to get the energy flow, and ending the night wasted and making out in the closest coat closet or bedroom they could find.  They were wild, they were intense, and they were so madly in love it hurt to be apart.  Richie’s hangovers were a little less awful when y/n was there cuddled into him and holding the same ice pack to her head.

She was just as crazy at him.  Her hair waving around as she’d dance with a bottle in her hand, her other tangled in Richie’s hair.  Pulling him close and in her drunken stature her body moved fluidly against his in ways that proved to anyone watching that they were each other’s, forever and always.

(‘Forever and Always’ happened to be the tattoo on his right hip.  Which he acquired at a Halloween party senior year.  And y/n had the same cheesy thing, on her left hip)

And for the glorious years of high school, they were certain they’d be together until the end.

[ as you stand under the bar lights // and the band plays a song about forgetting yourself for a while ]

Richie Tozier, hated parties.

This being two years after graduation, and nearly halfway through his college years.  To say that it had straightened him out, would be an understatement.  He’d become much quieter, and the amount of cursing he did dwindled rapidly as days passed.

Days turned to weeks, turned to months, to years.  He didn’t keep in touch much with his old friends.  After his breakup with y/n, no one talked with him as consistently as they once did.  He used to think that his friends, the Losers, were the closest people in his life.  The family he’d made up for himself when his real family couldn’t take care of him for shit.  But that changed.

The day Richie broke up with her, he didn’t remember any good moment of it.  Even the clouds were disappointed in him, covering the sun and raining down on him on his way to meet y/n.  She’d known what was coming.

It was nearing the end of senior year, and they were parting ways for college.  They knew their relationship couldn’t last forever, and they knew that long distance was going to be an issue.

No words were ever shared the day Richie and y/n met up at the quarry.  They just sat, enjoyed the view of the sun setting.  They never announced they were breaking up, they never said goodbyes.  Just spent their last minutes together in a quiet peace.  And when they finally parted ways for good, he squeezed onto her hand tightly.  A silent goodbye.

But as he stood at Derry’s local bar, after having not been near the town in two years, he never felt more out of place.  Especially while at a booming with energy party.  It was supposed to be a reunion, everyone dancing and having a good time at the bar.  And it had just so happened to be that day in February he dared not name.

Standing there, seeing faces he recognized even though they’d all matured, he couldn’t remember why he’d decided to come.  It seemed as though one phone call from Bill, and he was sold.  So he’d come back for Derry, for one pointless night of drinking the same beer for an hour, and wiggling out of any attempted conversation.

And many people tried conversing with him, asking how the frat parties were.  But he found a way out of every question asked, every comment made.  He just wasn’t the same social butterfly, he supposed.

And somehow he managed.  Standing against the bar, holding half a bottle of beer in his hand and his tired eyes wandering across the crowd of people.  People that once adored him, people he used to know every little dirty detail about.  These used to be his friends, most of them.  He used to spend every weekend with these peers.

And now he found it difficult to remember their first names.

[ and the piano’s this melancholy sound check // to see her smile ]

And as Richie lazily looked around, his eyes landed on an angel among the commoners.

And his first thought was that y/n had somehow become even more beautiful than she had while they were growing up.  And he wasn’t sure how that was even possible.  But it was.

She’d definitely matured, as had he.  Hr curves were filled out, her hair was longer, and it seemed she was just more physically defined than she had been before.

And she looked so much more innocent than she once did, even holding her own beer.  Smiling and giggling with whoever she was talking to at the bar.  Some guy Richie didn’t recognize, but he wasn’t sure if it was because he didn’t care, or he’d never met the guy.  He wondered briefly if it was her boyfriend.

Her eyes were bright, the skin near them crinkled as she smiled genuinely in her fit of laughter.  Richie couldn’t hear it over the music, but in distant memories locked in the back of his mind, the sound was clear as day.  And it was glorious.  All other noise in the room seemed to drown out, and every sense of his was focused on hers.

If he thought hard enough, he could still remember the way she smelled, when she curled into his arms and held tightly to him, her soft hair a mess and smelling of the fruity, or maybe flowery, shampoo she used regularly.  He never smelled it on anyone else, it was a scent that was all her own, and it was something he was sure he’d recognize if a whiff were to pass his nose.

Richie glanced back at the man that she was talking to, and he didn’t realize it, but the scowl on his face was one of anger, and jealousy.

She was smiling, he was making her happy.

[ and that white dress she’s wearing, you haven’t seen her for a while ]

Somehow, y/n had managed to look like an angel.  Flawless, and she probably didn’t even know it.  Richie figured she’d dressed semi-nicely and left the house without second thought.  She always was oblivious to her own beauty.

Meanwhile as he stood there, now holding a second beer and remembering how to properly drink it in hopes of forgetting this whole stupid night.

“Wow, she’s still p-pretty isn’t she?”

Richie turned, seeing a face he hadn’t in a long time. Offering a small smile as he clicked his glass against Bill’s in greeting.

“She’s always been gorgeous” He replied, his tone sad, but his expression remaining neutral.  Bill looked saddened by his words, but changed the topic.

“How’re you liking California? I’ll bet the weather b-better there” Bill said, and Richie realized his stutter had significantly improved.

“Yeah, it’s warm” Richie said with a short shrug, before taking a swig of his drink.  He briefly looked to Bill, only to return his gaze to y/n from across the bar.  Bill, having noticed this glance, frowned.

“You miss her, don’t you?” He asked in a quiet.  Richie finally tore his eyes away from the girl that was once his, and stared at Bill more intensely than before.  “You do” Bill answered for him.  “It’s alright, to miss her”

“No it isn’t” Richie said, in a voice so soft Bill wasn’t sure he was even speaking to Richie ‘Trashmouth’ Tozier.  “It isn’t alright to miss her, I’m the one who left her.  I’m the one who left Derry, while she stayed”

“That isn’t your fault, you had a big break Rich” Bill replied, setting his empty bottle on the counter next to him.  Richie shook his head.

“I should’ve turned it down” He mumbled solemnly, never having admitted this thought aloud to another human being.  “I never should have left” Richie took a daring glance back at y/n, seeing her laughter had quietened and she was listening to some story the people she was with were telling her.  “I never should have left her” He said, still speaking to himself as though Bill weren’t standing right next to him.

[ but you know that she’s watching // she’s laughing she’s turning // she’s holding her tonic like a crux ]

She knew he was there.  Though she wasn’t expecting that he would’ve shown up.  In fact, as soon as y/n walked into the rinky-dink bar, he was the first thing her eyes had landed on.  It was as though her heart was telling her, screaming in her chest, he’s here, I can feel his presence, he’s here.

And just like that her gaze was brought directly to the young man at the bar, staring down the opening of his beer bottle.  His untamed black curls falling over his head in a mess of softness.  His dark jeans hugging him nicely, and his white tee shirt untucked underneath his leather jacket.

She almost tripped over her own feet walking in.

The only thing that seemed to have not changed was his coke bottle glasses, which still slid down the bridge of his nose every time he moved to this day.  y/n smiled a secret smile to herself, finding some sort of comfort in knowing he’d come.

And wondering if he’d come for her.

But just as she had the idea of walking over to him to say hello, it had been two years of being apart, a man’s hand brushed over her shoulder.  And she was reminded of why she was here, and who she was here with.

Feigning a smile towards her boyfriend, y/n ushered them both into the bar.

[ the room’s suddenly spinning // she walks up and asks how you are ]

Richie was pulled out of his trance as he stared down his bottle, by the gentle tapping on his shoulder.  Bill, sitting next to him on the bar stool, turned to look before Richie did, his features turning to that of surprise.

Richie swore he turned around in slow motion.

And to see y/n standing there behind him, he was surprised himself that he didn’t gasp aloud.

“Hi” She says in her usually soft and sweet voice.  But she looks timid, almost anxious.  Like she were afraid the boy would shrug her off and tell her to get lost.

“Hey” RIchie said, the smile tugging on his lips automatic.  “Hey,” He repeated again, as though it had just clicked in his mind that she was standing right there, right in front of him.  So close he could lean forward and-

“How’ve you guys been? I haven’t seen you boys in forever” y/n said casually, (or as casually as she could muster, with a heart beating a million miles a second).  Her eyes flickered between Bill and Richie, though they focused more on Richie.

“Great!” Bill answered while Richie was at a loss for words, almost too enthusiastically.  “I’m taking this amazing literature class, I think I really want t-to get into wr-writing” He continued with a kind smile.  y/n grinned back at him.

“That’s awesome! And Bill your stutter! It’s practically gone!” She said happily.  Bill of course blushed at the comment, looking to the floor for a moment.

y/n always was the sweetest of the Losers.

“Thanks… took a while but I g-got it really under c-control” y/n smiled happily at Bill in response, but they knew that if they’d stayed in touch over the past two years that she would have hugged him in congratulations.

“You guys liking… college?” She asked, slowly and trying not to sound as awkward as she felt.

“Yeah, it’s pretty cool.  I’ve been going to parties f-for once” Bill said, and y/n’s jaw slacked slightly.

“Oh really? The party hater became the party goer?” She said amusedly.

“I’m here aren’t I?” Bill replied.  He began to feel very squeamish, standing next to a dead silent Richie, and talking to his ex girlfriend.

“I’ll bet you’ve been to some crazy frat parties huh?” y/n asked, turning towards Richie now.  Her eyes wandering over him for a moment before he finally looked back at her.

“Uh, no actually, not really” Richie replied honestly, shaking his head slightly as he glanced back down at his beer bottle.  “I’ve mostly kept to myself”

“Really?” The girl responded in complete surprise, her eyes widened.

“Yeah, actually I’ve focused a lot more on school than… partying” Richie said, his voice dropping into a bland monotone.  y/n sucked in her lips, looking to Bill for some sort of segway into literally any other conversation.  But Richie spoke again before Bill could chime in with something else.  “I’m going to go get another drink”

“O-oh, okay” y/n mumbled, but he was already walking away from her.  She watched him go, his shoes dragging against the floor slightly, and his gaze lowered to the counter of the bar.  y/n looked back at Bill, her eyes screaming helpless.

“It’s been an interesting c-couple of years, huh?” He asked, a bittersweet tone in his voice.  The girl looked back over at the curly haired boy, his body leaning against the bar as he hollered over the music what he wanted to the bartender.

[ so you can smell her perfume // you can see her lying naked in your arms ]

“Why do you look so fuckin’ depressed?”

Richie turned around, feet tripping over themselves but he managed to not spill any of his beer onto the boy-turned man- that still managed to be significantly shorter than him.

“Eddie?” Richie asked like he wasn’t sure.

“That’s me…” Eddie replied, his brows scrunching together as he stared at his, clearly, unstable friend.  “Are you drunk?” He asked like it was the most absurd thing he’d ever seen.

“Eds, it’s a party, at a bar” Richie deadpanned.  “Live a little, will ya?”

Now, Eddie Kaspbrak was the only one who’d really stayed in touch with the Tozier boy since graduation.  The universities they attended was really only a couple hours drive away from each other.  Making a couple of weekend visits here and there to check in and catch up.  It made being alone a little less lonely for Richie.  The visits became less and less frequent as time moved on, but it counted for something.

“It’s only been like an hour!” Eddie hissed, gesturing wildly at the drink held loosely in Richie’s fingers.  “How the hell are you already wasted?”

“Talent, my good fellow!” Richie bellowed in a british accent, that really just sounded like Richie Tozier attempting to impersonate a british person.  “Would you like a drink? On me!”

“They’re all on the house” Eddie rolled his eyes.  “Valentine’s Day special, remember?”

“Nope” Richie replied, popping his lips on the word before taking a long drink.

“All the drinks are free, we rented the place for the night” Eddie reminded him, but at this point he didn’t seem to be listening.  Or even care to for that matter.  “What’s got you all depressive? Last i saw you you hadn’t had a drop of alcohol in a year and a half”

“I’m jus’ trying to enjoy myself, what’s so wrong wit’ that?” Richie replied, his magnified eyes narrowing slightly down at his old friend.

“No you’re not, you’re drinking to suppress something-”

“Don’t get all fucking therapeutic on me now” Richie muttered, finishing his drink and ordering another one as soon as he set the empty bottle on the bar counter.

“Is it cause y/n came here with her boyfriend-”

“Shut up Eddie” Richie muttered.

“Is it cause she came and talked to you-”

“Shut up Eddie” Richie repeated.

“Would you just open up for two goddamn seconds?” Eddie asked exasperatedly.  The same voice he used to have when he would beg his friends not to do something idiotic.

“Would you just shut the hell up for two goddamn seconds?” Richie mocked.  The bartender set his glass on the counter, and the boy snatched it instantly.  “God.  I’m here for one day and all you all want to do is pry! No one actually gives a shit though!” His voice strained, and he covered it by taking a long drink.

Eddie’s eyes darted to the figure making their way towards the two of them, but before he could mention it to Richie, the boy was already going back on his rant.

“Everyone’s asking all these goddamn questions, but it’s all so fucking superficial!”

“Rich-”

“It’s like no one even believes I’ve changed, like Jesus, just grow the fuck up It’s not like I was going to stay this immature weasel of a teenager forever!”

“Richie-”

“God! Would you just let me fucking finish Eds!? You’re no better than Bill.  Or y/n.  Or even Stan for that matter, God, even fucking Stanley wouldn’t give a shit for more than half a second!”

“I don’t give a shit?”

Richie spun around on his heels like a cartoon character.  Eddie was certain that he would’ve dropped his beer upon seeing y/n standing there.  But his hold on it was so tight he actually feared the glass shattering his his hand.

“What?” Richie asked lamely, and the girl rolled her eyes.

“You really think I don’t give a shit?” She repeated, a little more of a snarky tone in her voice.  “Come on Rich, it’s been two years.  Do you really think I’m so petty that just cause you’re my ex I’m going to ignore you?”

“Well you sure were petty enough to bring that chunk of idiot here!” Richie responded, his arm flying out to point out the man she’d brought with her, talking to Greta Keene of all people.  y/n grimaced at the sight momentarily, but looked right back to Richie with fire in her eyes.

“What the hell do you think you’re talking about?” She spat, her hand tightening on her own drink as well.  She wondered if it was such a bad idea to splash it over Richie and then leave.

“I’m just saying.  At least I had the decency to come alone.  Depressing or not” Richie sneered angrily.  He thought it sounded angry that is.

It just sounded broken.

y/n’s face fell, her own defensive features crumbling as she stared at the lonesome boy in front of her.

“Forever and Always” Richie grumbled, walking towards her.  “Right?” He added sarcastically, before pushing past and heading for the doors.

Tears welled in y/n’s eyes as she turned to watch him go, her fingers shakily brushing over her hip.  She could almost feel the words imprinted there.

Richie winced to himself, his heart begging him to turn around and go back to her, but his mind was already made up, and he shoved out the door.

[ and so there’s a change in your emotions // and all these memories come rushing like feral waves to your mind ]

He didn’t make it very far.  In fact, he tripped as soon as he walked outside.  He’d caught himself, surprisingly.  But decided against walking back to the motel he was staying at.  It was probably best if he didn’t go to some dingy room drunk off his ass where he’d likely just throw up and cry anyways.  Instead he just hauled himself to sit at the curb near the street.

Oh yeah, I’m a real man, aren’t I? Richie thought to himself bitterly.  I can’t do shit.  I can’t even come home for one night without raking up shit again, and making a big mess out of everything.

“I’m pretty good at making messes” He thought aloud.  “Physical messes, emotional messes… other kinds of messes I can’t really think of right now but I can probably do that too”

The door opened and shut behind him, but he ignored it.  Someone was probably just sneaking out early before they had to endure the entire reunion.  Or maybe someone got lucky with a hookup.

“You’re not a mess, Richie” A soft voice said.

He still didn’t turn around, even though he knew it was y/n standing behind him.  Her back was leaning against the brick wall of the shitty bar.

“I never said I was a mess” He grumbled.  “Just that I was good at making them”

“Hm” The girl thought for a moment at his response.  He wasn’t exactly wrong, but she figured that wasn’t what he needed to hear right now.  “Well, we used to make some pretty decent messes together” She reminded him, now walking forwards to sit next to him.

“Yeah, I remember” Richie chuckled, a sort of bittersweet sound.  But y/n didn’t mind, because it was some other emotion that wasn’t depressed.

“The King and Queen of partying” y/n smiled to herself, remembering the days she actually enjoyed getting wasted in some random person’s basement.  “You remember that time we actually spent the night in a bathtub?”

“We did not spend the night” Richie corrected, looking at her with a knowing smile.  “You passed out after throwing up for ten minutes, and we were sitting and you fell asleep on me.  I didn’t have a choice”

y/n giggled, remembering the next day how he waited for her hangover to go away before scolding her for making him sleep in a nasty bathtub.

“Yeah well, I was grateful you didn’t make me stay there alone” She told him kindly.

“You say that now, but at the time, I was begging God to let me leave you there” He responded, and the both of them began to laugh.

There was a sort of spark between them.  That of the nostalgic sort.

“I remember busting a window… I don’t know whose, but I threw a… a bottle?” Richie pondered aloud.

“A potted plant” y/n deadpanned.  “You picked up and threw a whole fucking potted plant right at the window.  You thought, that you were getting some asshole to back off of me” y/n explained.  “That ‘asshole’ by the way, was Ben.  He was asking me if I had a designated driver, because he didn’t drink anything that night”

“Oh shit” Richie mumbled, not having recalled that tidbit of information.

“Scared the poor boy shitless.  But he still drove us home. Even after your psychotic break”

“It’s not psychotic if I was drunk” He monotoned, causing the girl to roll her eyes at his questionable logic.  “What?” Richie exclaimed through a short bit of laughter.

“That makes no sense.  What if you’re a psycho and a drunk?” She questioned playfully, making him scoff.

“Yeah that might’ve been the case back then” He caved, nodding his head slightly as he stared down at the pavement.  Part of him wanted to look up to see her eyes, hoping to catch an idea of what she could be thinking as they reminisced in old times.  But he kept his stare on the ground, too afraid of what he might see.

“Back then?” She repeated, silently questioning if that meant he’d changed.

“It may surprise you, but I’ve changed doll” He said, mocking an old timer.  She laughed gently, even though she was taken by surprise.

She always thought college would be heaven to a guy like Richie.  Parties, drinking, being on his own and never having to face the consequences of his parents.  Not to mention the girls, and really the lack of needing any kind of responsibility.

“Yeah? Did Trashmouth Tozier finally muzzle himself?” She asked, a small smirk tugging on her lips.

“Hm, I guess you could say that” He mused

“How so?” She asked him, genuinely wondering what had changed him so much.  Richie’s eyes wandered over the dimly lit street, and he briefly wondered if the streetlamps ever had the proper light bulbs in them to actually lighten the road.

“This is my first drink in about… a year and a half” He told her, and y/n’s eyes widened slightly.

“Really?” She asked, waiting for him to laugh and make a punch line about how he’ll never let society change him.

“Yeah, really” Richie replied.  “It’s really been that long.  You don’t believe me do you?”

“I’m surprised… I gotta say” Richie smiled awkwardly at her.

“Yeah well… I don’t know.  I wanted to change and… and everything fell into place after I sobered up.  I’m really liking my classes, and I just feel… better.  I guess”

y/n smiled sadly at him, although he wasn’t looking at her.

“Good for you Rich.  I’m glad that you’re comfortable with where you’re at”

“Yeah” Richie turned to finally meet her gaze.  “Me too” He said, his voice tired.

[ of the curl of your bodies like two perfect circles entwined // and you feel hopeless and homeless and lost in the haze of the wine ]

three years ago.

“Where do you think we’ll be in a year from now?” y/n mumbled, rolling over with a small whine on a mattress she couldn’t quite remember the owner of.

Richie, who was lying next to her and rubbing his eyes with his fists.  His own head throbbing and his stomach empty from throwing up the contents of all the beers he’d ad the night before.

“Cause I think we’ll be here” She went on, pressing her face into a pillow.  “Another random bedroom, or closet, or-” She was cut off by a moaning sound, muffled in the pillow.

“I think this is Greta’s Boyfriend’s house” Richie thought aloud, rolling onto his stomach and looked over at his girl.  Who still had her face planted into a pillow.  “Babe” He mumbled, throwing an arm over her back.  She hummed in response, turning her face to look back at him.

y/n loved looking at Richie in the mornings, hungover or not, he always had a natural beauty she loved.  He smiled back at the way she tiredly stared at him.

“It is his house” She replied, vaguely remembering seeing Greta and her boyfriend greet them at the door.  Richie tugged her closer, his lips grazing the crown of her head.  “I think that he puked as soon as we got here”

“Maybe” He replied in a hum.

It was quiet for a while as they laid there, both getting over their morning headaches, holding onto each other loosely.

“You know I love you, right?” She asked in a quiet and raspy voice.  Her head tucking under his chin.  Richie chuckled, kissing her temple and pulling her close against him.

“Course I do, doll” He told her.  “Though I love you more” y/n smiled against him before shutting her eyes and falling slowly back in to sleep.

“I’m not sure that’s possible” She murmured before falling asleep.

Richie was up for another half hour, just holding onto her and running his fingers through her hair.  He was certain that he wanted to lay here with this girl for the rest of his life.

present time.

Richie turned to the girl next to him abruptly, catching the way she glanced around before meeting his gaze.

“I thought you and I were going to be forever, y/n” He told her, not looking away once.

y/n’s eyes widened almost instantly, completely taken aback from his sudden proclamation.

“Wh-what-?”

“I’m serious.  I thought it was going to be you and me right up until I died doing something stupid and drunk” Richie continued.  “I thought we were gonna get married, and get the hell out of this town.  I thought we were gonna go and spend the rest of our lives together” He shrugged.

“Really?” y/n asked, somehow looking hopeful, although her voice was soft and saddened.

“Yeah” Richie began to fiddle with the tie on his shoes, trying to think about what he should say next, but his mind went blank.

“I thought that once,  too” y/n broke the silence with her soft confession.  Richie didn’t respond, he’d already known this.

Everyone in the town of Derry had assumed that it’d be y/n y/l/n and RIchie Tozier till the end of their days.  Bonnie and Clyde.  But they’d ridden their last ride years ago.

“We used to be on the top of the world Rich” y/n sighed, her eyes nostalgic as she glanced along the street in front of her.  “There was never a single thing you and I couldn’t do”

“Yeah” A slight smile began to tug on the end of the boy’s lips as he reminisced in the past.  “We were… we were the Lost Boys.  From Peter Pan?”

y/n giggled as she nodded, seeing Peter Pan at the theater was their very first date.  She saw a lot more of Richie’s lips than she had the film, but it always made her heart warm with an ache of the past every time she’d seen it since.

“Yeah we were” She mused.

“Too bad we ended up growing up, huh?” Richie scoffed sarcastically, but y/n frowned, agreeing with the statement.

“I would’ve stayed seventeen forever, given the chance” She whispered.  Richie nodded, the air between them growing quieter, but it was a comfortable silence.  

“I would’ve partied until the end of my days with you” She added in a murmur.

[ and she leaves with someone you don’t know // but she makes sure you saw her, she looks right at you and bolts ]

Richie was standing, leaning against an un-lit lamp post with a cigarette between his lips.  y/n was still sat on the curb, just as reluctant as he was to return to the bar.

All she could think about was how much she loved him, wondering if he remembered the same blossom of his heart as she did whenever they were together.  She wondered if he felt the void in his chest as she did.  But she didn’t ask.  It was too late to ask.

Their somber silence was interrupted by the door swinging open, the noise from inside spilling out to their area, and drawing their attention away from their pitiful thoughts.

“Babe!” A voice hollered, and Richie looked over to the owner before y/n did.  It was her boyfriend, whatever his name was, Richie had already forgotten it.

“Hey” y/n called back weakly, already knowing he wasn’t too pleased she’d ditched him at a bar with people he’d just met.

“You ready to go? This party’s going downhill pretty fast, and I don’t need to be here to see it crash and burn” The man said, and y/n nodded, standing up and dusting herself off.  She must’ve caught the way he had glanced to Richie, a silent but burning question in his eyes.

“Richie Tozier” Richie introduced himself, his tone bored as he put his cigarette right back between his lips after answering for y/n.  The man nodded, and if Richie didn’t know any better, he seemed to challenge him.  THe curly haired boy raised his eyebrows, suggesting something with his expression that the man replied by casting his eyes the other way.

“Dan” He replied, and Richie couldn’t contain his small scoff.  What a boring name, he thought to himself.  But Dan gave Richie a disgusted look in response to his scoff.

“Smoking kills, you know” He spit his words out angrily, but Richie only heard the voice of a jealous, insecure child.  y/n shot her boyfriend a sharp look, her eyes telling him to cut it out.

“Damn sure hope so” Richie replied, his words calm, his stature completely relaxed against the pole as he smoked.

Dan seemed taken aback by the answer, not having expected it.  Richie chuckled, shaking his head as he took a long drag, before tapping on the cigarette to flick the ashes away.

“Have a nice night, Dan” Richie said, placing the cigarette back between his teeth again.

Dan sneered, gave y/n a pointed look, and went back into the bar.

Richie rolled his eyes as he chuckled to himself again.  “What a buffoon” He muttered, his speech awkward with the smoke still in his mouth.

y/n looked over at him, something in her eyes he hadn’t seen before.  He realized now that she hadn’t spoken a word since Dan had shown up.

She gave him a sad smile, her eyes downcasting as she turns and follows after her boyfriend.

Richie scoffed to himself, blowing out a cloud of smoke and shaking his head.  Damn the way people change, he thought.

[ as she walks out the door // your blood boiling, your stomach in ropes ]

He ended up back at the bar again, this time without a drink in front of him.  Just sitting there and staring at the thinning crowd.  Most people were beginning to leave, and part of him wanted to as well.  But he didn’t move to leave.

“Richie? You want a drink?” He turned, surprised to see Beverly there.

“Hey Bev” He greeted with a big, partially fake grin.  “When did you get here? I would’ve talked to you earlier”

“Half an hour ago” Bev shrugged.  “I don’t really care about these things, but then I kind of wanted a drink and Eddie called and said you guys were here and it’s been forever so” She smiled and waved for the bartender.

“Awe well that’s sweet” Richie said in a sarcastic tone.  “I’m in town for the drinks”

“Oh really?” Beverly asked, crossing her arms.  Then taking the beer bottle from the man behind the counter.  “Not cause y/n’s over there?” She questioned, jerking her thumb over her shoulder to where y/n was gathering her coat and purse while Dan chattered on about something Richie couldn’t hear.

But he knew y/n’s ‘uninterested’ face, and she was sure sporting it.

“What? No” Richie said, earning an eye roll from Bev.

“Please, like you came here for drinks.  Have you talked to her?” She asked, calling him out on his bullshit within a matter of three seconds.  Richie scowled, to which she grinned back at him.

“Yeah” He gave in with a sigh.  Beverly smirked to herself and sat on the stool next to him.  “It didn’t go… well… but it wasn’t that bad”

“Wow.  Sounds great” Beverly said in a snarky voice.  “Come on, what’d you talk about?”

“Uh… where we are now in life… I guess” He let out a heavy breath.  “She’s doing great.  She’s got a boyfriend, Dan.  I almost made her cry.  Not a first, but I definitely did not like remembering how that felt”

“Jesus Rich…”

“So yeah.  It’s real great to be back” Richie grumbled.

“Come on Richie, there’s nothing stopping you from going over there and talking to her like a normal person.  Dan or not.  Crying or not.  You being a little bitch or not-”

“Hey-”

“Just go talk to her Richie” Beverly said, taking a long drink from her beer.  “You’re standing in your own way”

“I guess so” Richie shrugged miserably.

“Well? Then go talk to her! Go get her!” Bev hissed, smacking the boy’s arm with the back of her hand.  “What’s the matter with you-?”

“Is that a rhetorical question cause I don’t think I have the time to get into it” RIchie monotoned, earning a blank stare from Beverly.

“Come on, would you please just go talk to her before she’s gone? Cause I know for a fact that you won’t do it on your own”

“You hurt my feelings with the way you speak, Marsh” Richie sighed, but slid off of his stool.  “But fine.  I’m gonna go talk to her”

“Hooray!” Bev clapped her hands, pushing his back slightly to urge him on.  “Oh wait wait wait come back I probably won’t see you again until Summer” She added, pulling him back to hug him quickly.

“Alright alright Bev hurry it up I gotta go chase down the girl of my dreams in the most dramatic romantic comedy cliche I can possibly do” Richie said, patting her back before pulling away.

“Good luck!” Beverly called as Richie ran off into the bar in search of y/n.

Beverly was right.

And all he could think about was how thankful he felt that he couldn’t afford a tattoo removal.

[ and your friends say what is it // you look like you’ve seen a ghost ]

“Eddie! Bill!” Richie ran madly up to his two friends, panting slightly as he’d rushed all over the bar whilst looking for the love of his life.

“Hey Rich-”

“Have you seen y/n? I need to talk to her” He said quickly.  “I have to tell her she’s the love of my life and that I need her back, it’s super important I need to talk to her”

“Awe” Eddie said with a faux sweet tone, before his face blanked and he looked at his friend boredly.  “We all knew that.  Took you long enough you tree”

“Tree?” Richie mumbled to himself.

“She just left” Bill said.  “With Dan.  She said bye”

“She said goodbye to you guys?” Richie asked, clearly hurt but trying to hurt it.  Bill and Eddie just knew him too well to go along with his ‘I’m okay’ face.

“Yeah.  Very briefly.  Then she looked over at your lame-ass sitting alone at the bar and bolted” Eddie told him.

“Fuck!” Richie cursed aloud before he could stop himself.  “Jesus did I already miss the chance?”

“No!” Bill chirped up.  “I know where she’s staying”

“That’s creepy” Richie winced, but thought for a moment.  “Okay, where is it”

“GIVE ME THE ROOM NUMBER WHERE Y/N L/N IS STAYING” Richie gasped out the man behind the main desk at the Motel Derry.

The man gave him a slightly repulsed look as Richie leaned over the counter and panted like a fish out of water.

“Actually sir we can’t disclose where our customers are staying-”

Richie fumbled in his pocket and put a twenty on the counter.

“26B”

Richie took off running for the stairwell outside, nearly tripping over the steps.  He’d never run so fast in his life., he was sure he’d collapse as soon as he got to her door.

He nearly ran past it, actually.

“Okay Richie” He mumbled to himself.  “You have to do this.  Just knock on the door, and tell her everything.  The truth, don’t be an idiot.  The truth the truth the truth.  Tell her the truth-”

“Tell who the truth?”

Richie spun around on his heel, taken aback from seeing y/n standing there, sporting gym leggings and a tee shirt with a towel around her neck.

“What’re you doing here?” She asked, cocking her head to the side and looking at him almost tiredly.  As though she were distressed to see him.  He wouldn’t blame her if she was.

“y/n…” Richie mumbled like an idiot, fumbling around with his hands.  She looked at him expectantly, impatient for an answer.

“Well?” She questioned, waiting for any kind of explanation.

“I’m here to… I’m here to tell you everything”

“What does that mean?” y/n asked apprehensively, the brief thought crossing her mind that he could be drunk off his ass.  But he wasn’t staggering as if he was.

“y/n I’ve been in love with you since we met.  You know that” He began, and her gaze lowered.  He was right, she knew that.  “And I, being a coward, ran away the first chance I got.  I wanted out of this town so badly that I ditched you in this god-forsaken hell hole of a town, and I shouldn’t have done that”

She was trying her hardest to keep her expression neutral, to show no sign of weakness.  Her teeth biting into her cheek to keep her tears at bay, out of sight.

“If I could go back, I would’ve stuck it out here, and I never would’ve left you behind” He said defeatedly.

“It’s a little late for that, don’t you think?” She asked quietly, afraid her voice would shake if she rose her volume.

“Yeah, yeah I know that.  It’s been two years for crying out loud.  But I… I needed you to know that.  I regret absolutely everything I did”

She wanted to tell him something snarky, a small part of her wishing he’d just get lost and leave her alone the way he had the past couple of years.  It was just too much at once, out of nowhere.

“Richie don’t” Her voice said weakly.

“I have to” He replied.  She looked at him helplessly, as though silently begging him not to say what she knew he was going to.  It was silent between them for a moment, as Richie stared at her like it was his last chance.

It very well could have been.

“y/n, I’m just as in love with you right now, that I was two years ago, three years ago, a month ago” He laughed bittersweetly.

“Richie-” Her voice cracked, and she pulled the towel off from where it was draped around her shoulders, wringing it in her hands nervously.

“I know this is the worst timing ever” He said defensively.  “But y/n I couldn’t just skip town again and leave you behind, I’m not going to make the same mistakes”

y/n let out a breath, closing her eyes and willing her tears to go away.

“Richie” She sighed heavily.  “I have a boyfriend”

“I know” Richie said, not caring much about the statement.  “I know…” He repeated, walking closer to her.

“You can’t do this Rich this- this isn’t fair.  It’s not fair to either of us”

“How is it unfair?” He asked in a small voice.  “How is that unfair, at all?” He repeated, clearing his throat and raising his voice.  He didn’t want her thinking that he was weak, and didn’t mean what he was saying.

“Richie think about this” y/n said, finding it difficult to maintain eye contact.  “We go to different schools.  We’re on opposite sides of the country.  We haven’t even spoken until tonight”

“Who cares?” Richie asked, and she winced in response.  “Who cares about any of that? All that matters is you and me” y/n sighed, not knowing what to tell him.

She surely couldn’t do this, it’s taken her this long to move on from that summer two years ago, to move on from Richard Tozier.  As best she could anyways.  But standing here in front of him,watching him stare at her, knowing what he was going to say.

“I care…” She spoke slowly and softly.  “Richie I’ve only ever cared about you, nearly my whole life I only cared about you” She told him, sounding broken, the pain in her voice could have only been sparked by a lost love.

“That doesn’t just go away” He came closer to her.  “That feeling, you can’t say that it’s gone away” She looked at him hesitantly.  “I know it hasn’t for me”

Her breath caught in her throat.

“Rich” She mumbled as he stepped even closer, his hand reaching out to her, setting across her cheek.  “It’s been years”

“I know”

“You didn’t care about me, you cared about partying, and drinking, and getting the hell out of this town as fast as you could”

“That’s not true” He shook his head.

“It is”

“It’s not” He said quickly.  “I cared about having a good time with you, about doing stupid things with you.  I cared about escaping Derry and running away with you” He told her.  “I loved you more than I’ve ever loved anything or anyone in my whole life” He cupped her cheeks in both hands now, his eyes staring deep into hers.  She felt as though her soul were bared to him.  “You gotta believe me”

“Richie…”

“Believe me”

It was quiet for a few moments as she stared at him, studying his features, wondering if what he was saying was completely the truth.

[ you just don’t care what you look like // the world is falling around you ]

“I believe you” She whispered shakily.  “I believe you”

He brought her in and hugged her so tightly she nearly couldn’t breathe.  But she was crying softly into his shoulder and wrapping her arms around him.  It’d been so long since they’d held each other it felt surreal that it was even happening again.

“I missed you so much”

“I missed you too”

[ you just have to see her // you know that she’ll break you in two ]

taglist: @awtozier @fightmebub  @catching-fire-in-the-wind @black-tights-black-heart @socially-awkward-nerd @samanthadove @justasimpleace @depressed-trashcann @beepbeeprichtozier @timsflannels @theidjitsimpalaa @kikokoizumi @anabundanceoftrash

(some of y’alls urls didn’t load... hmu and i’ll fix it!)

xoxo ~ jordie

[mysteli]

Scarred (Flynn X MC)

Scarred - Flynn O’Malley and Allie Kingston———

A/N: Hey! Okay, real quick, Chapter 2 of my Endless Summer series is coming soon. Had some moving to do so yeah! Stay turned for that. As for the purpose of this, I’ve been wanting to do something with Flynn for a while so I decided to do something about defining their relationship. I love this and I hope you do to! Enjoy, hope you like it! ———————————————————————-

Tags: @princesstopgun @xo-endlessmayhem-xo @endlessly-searching-for-you @skyila @mrswalkerwrites @mechaspirit @angstymarshmallow

After hours of chatting and catching up, Kate finally drifted off to sleep, assuring Ali that she will be okay. In fact, her exact words were...

“Don’t worry, Ali. I’m sure the bed bugs won’t be hiring any kidnappers any time soon.”

That line caused Ali to chuckle a little but at the same time, despite the joke, she couldn’t help but feel worried. What if he did come back for her? What if he took Kate away from everyone again? Away from Ali? Away from Grant? Away from... Flynn.

Just as she was about to get lost in her lost, scattered thoughts, Ali felt Kate’s hand go limb in her own, which confirmed that she was definitely asleep. It frightened Ali to see Kate motionless and dazed but she still seemed peaceful and calm for the first time since they’d found her. Scars still infected Kate’s body, while the bruises climbed up her legs all the way to her pale face. A reckoning had reached her and it was all that murdering psychopath’s fault.

Of course, no matter how much Kate’s state impacted Ali, it would always be Flynn that was affected the most. Ali had spent enough time with Flynn to know that he only knocks down his walls of defence when it came to his sister. She was only thing he had left when it came to family. She was only one who hadn’t shut him out after he got out of prison. Losing her was like losing his world and it was relief they found her or he might have never recovered from the loss.

Biting her lip, Ali finally loosened her grip on Kate’s still hand, before taking a deep breath and exiting the room, leaving a trail of fear in her wake. Once she made it out, she gently shut the door, a sense of relief gradually washing over her. It was like she’d been holding her breath this entire time. Perhaps she’d finally processed it and finally believed her that Kate was actually there. They’d really found her. It was all... real.

Suddenly, her thoughts were interrupted by a shaky voice echoing behind her. “Hey, Kingston.”

Jumping slightly, Ali swerved around to find Flynn staring at her expectantly, a hint of concern lurking in his bloodshot eyes. Scanning his damaged demeanour carefully, her eyes landed on his patched up wounds, the bandage around his shoulder peeking through his black shirt.

“Glad you got your wounds checked out.” Ali thanked him, smiling gratefully, as another heavy sigh of relief escaped her lips. Flynn chuckled weakly in response, his gaze falling to the floor for a moment.

“Yeah, thought that’d be a smart way to kill some time.” Flynn admitted, running his healthy hand through his dusty brown hair that was still messy from the night before. “Oh, and I knew you’d pester me about it anyway.”

“Hey!” Ali growled playfully, smiling for the first time in a while. Then, she remembered Kate’s broken state and the events from the previous night and that caused her once-bright grin to fall into a frown.

Noticing, Flynn eyed Ali’s grim expression warily, sudden worry overflowing in his eyes. “Hey, what’s wrong? Did something happen? Is Kate okay?”

Sheepishly, Ali allowed her gaze to wander to the clean, white tiles of the hospital floor, leaving Flynn with a long, minute of silence.

“Alison Kingston? You’re really starting to freak me out.” He searched Ali’s lost eyes desperately, looking for some kind of answer in her unreadable expression.

“Kate’s fine. She’s sleeping, actually.” Ali finally mumbled, closing her eyes and trying to relax in any way she could but a light tear escaped under the layers of her shut eyes.

“Then why are you crying?” Flynn questioned, taking a step closer towards a saddened Ali. She’d always assured him when he was worried about Kate and now it was his turn to do the same for her.

“It’s nothing. I just...” Ali struggled to speak, her voice dropping to a mere whisper, as she attempted to control her emotions. But somehow, the depression and doubt broke through her sloppy walls of defence. Like a shard of glass... she broke.

As tears emerged from her eyes constantly, her knees weakened and she struggled to keep her balance as the negative emotions took over. An anxious look crossed Flynn and he was unsure how to reassure the shattered soul in front of him.

“I’m sick of this, Flynn. I’m sick of not knowing who the bastard that kidnapped my best friend is!” Ali confessed, her tone seeming like yell but was actually barely a whisper. The area around them was empty and the morning sun glistened through the windows, making the world seem much brighter than what was taking place at that moment.

Just as Ali was about to collapse from her weakened knees, Flynn rushed to catch her, allowing her to fall into his arms. Instinctively, she latched her hands onto his shirt and began to cry onto his shoulder. Her tears were full of more anger and frustration than grief and sadness. Understanding her pain, Flynn wrapped his arms around Ali, while warily burying his face in her strawberry blond hair. All he wanted in that moment was to cry with her but instead, he was determined to stay strong just for her.

After what seemed like forever, Ali lifted her head from Flynn’s chiselled chest, forcing him to glance up as well. Tears began to dry on her cheeks, while fresh ones continued to fall from her eyes. She met his worried eyes, pain still lurking in her own.

“I didn’t mean to... break down like that.” Ali muttered, running out of words to use and things to say. The edge of Flynn’s lips curved up slightly and he nodded understandingly.

“I know. Don’t worry, we’re all worried about Kate. It was only a matter of time before one of us lost it.” Flynn responded, cautiously but reassuringly kissing the tacky waves in Ali’s hair, which she hadn’t brushed since Kate’s return. Once their eyes met again, a weak but genuine semi-smile reached Ali’s lips.

“Thank you, Flynn. I honestly don’t think I would’ve been able to handle any of this if it wasn’t for you.” Ali admitted, blushing slightly but the redness on her face from the tears seemed more obvious and took more of a toll on her pale face.

“Why me? When you’ve got people like Grant and Naomi looking out for you and always willing to protect you?” Flynn enquired, seeming genuinely oblivious to what Ali’s reasoning was. She couldn’t help but release a light-hearted chuckle.

“That’s the point. You’re so much more. You’re the only other person closer to Kate than I am. You understand me more and you understand what Kate’s been through more. And you know the world outside of Birchport, which is all I’ve tried to do since I arrived here.” Ali revealed all of her feelings to Flynn and she felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Trying to form a response, Flynn raised his eyebrows while eyeing her intently, as if attempting to process her words.

“Wow. Damn, I... you make me sound much better than I actually am.” Flynn finally replied, realising how close him and Ali actually were and that she was still wrapped up in his arms.

“Or maybe you just don’t see how great you are.” Ali suggested, dropping her voice to a whisper. Grateful, Flynn grinned lightly. It was not his usual smirk but a genuine, kind smile. This was all Ali had asked for since Kate went missing. Just a moment of escape. Scanning her misguided expression, Flynn smoothed out the rugged state of her hair before accidentally brushing his hand against her pale cheek. Her expression softened in response. Their lips were barely a breath away.

With that, Ali closed the gap between them, allowing their lips to meet softly and gently. Flynn was slightly stunned before he sank into the moment, gripping the Ali’s back and running his hand up and down repeatedly. Instinctively, Ali entwined her hands behind Flynn’s neck, increasing the speed of their kiss. The sun lit up as the moment continued and the tenderness was soon replaced by burning passion. After a never-ending moment of endless romance, both of them reluctantly pulled away, instantly breathless.

They both took a moment to catch their breath before meeting each other’s stunned gaze, completely speechless. A smile crossed Flynn’s lips, as he played the moment over and over again in his head.

“You know, we should probably talk about... whatever this is.” Flynn pointed out, finally releasing Ali from his hold and she nodded understandingly, chuckling lightly.

“I know but right now, we should be worrying about Kate.” Ali stated and Flynn nodded knowingly in response. A curious thought crossed Flynn’s mind and he raised an eyebrow at Ali.

“Yeah. But do you think... Kate would be okay with this? You know, if we ever...” He enquired, folding his arms casually while eyeing Ali expectantly.

“Actually, she was asking about you and me before because she thought that there was... something there.” Ali admitted, smiling at the thought of Kate’s eager approval of their... future.

“Damn, guess we have nothing to worry about then.” Flynn responded, an eager look in his eyes.

“Guess so.” Ali muttered, reaching for Flynn’s healthy hand before leaning into him once more. A meaningful look lingered in his eyes before their lips met for the second time. This time their kisses were more honest and held more purpose than the previous kisses. And this time... they didn’t seem able to pull apart.

Instinctively, Flynn started leaving a trail of kisses along her jawline, causing shivers to run down her spine. Suddenly, footsteps emerged from a nearby room but Flynn and Ali were too attached to one another to notice. The footsteps got closer but they didn’t get louder, the sound of them not reaching the ears of Flynn and Ali. Finally, the voice of the figure forced them apart.

“Oh my god!” The voice exclaimed, causing Flynn and Ali to swerve around and meet eyes with the figure behind them. Instantly, they came face to face with Kate, whose excited grin was wider than it had ever been. “Are you two...”

Surprised but relieved, Ali and Flynn locked eyes once more and they knew the correct answer in their head but wasn’t sure what to say in that moment. But they knew, whatever happened, Kate would always understand.

[whales-and-recovery]

Well, I don’t typically do things like this, but I think it’s worth the effort so I can come back and see this again at a later point.

9 Things / Experiences / Moments / Triumphs I am grateful for this year:

1) Firstly, wow, what a year it has been. This is the first year of my life that I have truly been on my own. It has been very difficult not having any parent figures around and really figuring everything out on my own, but I did it and I’m doing it. I was in one relationship for 5 1/2 years and another soon after for nearly an entire year, but as of now I have been single for quite a while. It’s been weird navigating on my own but absolutely worth it. I’ve earned my independence. There have definitely been some rough patches, but I am really proud of myself for being able to do this because it’s been a pretty scary ride.

2)  I got my wonderful dog Thor last year in September, but since I moved here in January it has just been him and I. I’ve really gotten the opportunity to connect with him and he is my everything. I love coming home to his smiling face every day, despite the fact that sometimes he is a huge pain in the ass.

3) From January to September, I was working a job in downtown as a receptionist at a condominium. This is a very, very wealthy part of Miami and I worked in a residential building full of very - very successful people. The opportunity to meet many of these people and make good connections was amazing. I also got the chance to meet my very good friend George. Also a pain in my ass at times, but such a genuinely good and kind hearted person.

4) This is a big one, after two years of wanting nothing more than to be back in school, I am finally back in school! I am eligible for financial aid but as I am still considered a dependent student by fafsa guidelines, regardless of the fact that I am completely independent, and the fact that my mother refuses to comply with the application process as she does not want me to go back to college, I don’t get any aid. That means that I have to pay my own tuition for school. It’s been rough, but oh so rewarding. I am so, so, so happy, grateful, and excited to be furthering my education and working towards my career as an aspiring Maribe Biologist. I want nothing more.

5) I finally started SCUBA diving again! I found a new instructor to help me as I was having major issues equalizing my ears before which was causing me intense pain and discomfort. My last instructor did not take it seriously and I could have permanently damaged my ears. This new instructor is just so amazing and takes the time and puts in the effort to really help me figure everything out. You get what you pay for. I’m so passionate about the ocean / diving and I was fearful before as I was scared I would not be able to fix the problem with my equalizing but he helped me and I did it!!!  I am just ecstatic.

6) I’m actually working a new job now. I’m working as a narrator on a glass bottom boat in the Keys. This is just wild for me. This is the first job that I’ve had that has anything at all to do with the field I want to be in. Don’t get me wrong, it’s been / can still be extremely daunting as public speaking is definitely something I’ve been fearful of for a long time, but now I’m spending hours talking in front of large crowds of people with a microphone strapped to my face. I’m really glad I was able to make some leeway on that fear and I am actually owning it! I’m getting paid to look at and educate people about dolphins, sharks, turtles, and coral all day. Sometimes I get applause when I’m done. Definitely not used to that part yet.

7) I’ve really realized how precious some of the relationships I have in my life are. I’ve had some very, very good friends move away to other cities and states chasing their dreams. While it’s definitely been saddening to see them go, my heart is so full of joy that I have met these wonderful people who are just as hungry as I am to have a spectacular life and not let ANYTHING hold them / us back from the wonder that life has to offer. I am so, SO proud. Obviously, I’ve also missed my dad since he passed away almost 9 years ago, but this year has definitely made me realize just how much I miss him. I wish he was here and I hope dearly that he is proud of the woman I’m becoming.

8) This year I’ve had so much wild stuff happen. Besides the craziness of 2020, my personal life has been particularly topsy-turvy as well. I sold my beloved Miata as Thor was getting too big for it. I ended up buying a Volkswagen rabbit which had very bad brakes which resulted in me hydroplaning and completely losing control of the car on Mother’s Day, spinning out, and slamming into a wall. I got the car fixed and literally a week later as I was driving it home from work again, it Caught. On. Fire. I had to jump out and call fire rescue. The car was sold to me as is. There was nothing I could do about it and I couldn’t get my money back. I am currently borrowing a friends car (thats another story).  Thor also had another emergency surgery this year as he tore up my bedsheets while I was working one day and swallowed a big chunk. Another instance that happened not too long ago was where I was walking him at night in 65° weather (That’s cold for people in Florida guys, also I’m a pussy) and his collar just gave out and popped off of his neck. He saw a duck and took off straight into the lake which resulted in him swimming all the way out to the very middle of the lake at 9 PM which resulted in me having to jump in and swim out after him to get him back because he’s a little stupid sometimes and I know he’s never been in that deep of water. He’s a lazy dog, he tires out pretty easily, had I not jumped in, there is no doubt in my mind that he would’ve drowned. Definitely wasn’t expecting the lake to be that deep at all, not to mention that the water was freezing and it was basically pitch black out there. At one point I couldn’t see him anymore and I really thought he had drowned. I found him, alive, I got him back. We are safe. Very scary night. My life feels like a movie sometimes, the list of crazy stuff goes on. Despite the book I can write on the insane amount of stuff that’s happened this year alone, I truly admire my resilience. I know sometimes I can be very hard on myself and times get very tough, but when I fall down 753 times, I stand up 754.

9) This one sort of - kind of goes along with the last one, but at some point last year, I kind of lost the sparkle in my eye. I really lost the appreciation that I found for life. As of recently, I have been working very hard to push myself back to a point where my mental health is nothing but a priority. I am once again regaining the passion that I have for living, being able to wake up in the morning, even breathing which I forgot was a privilege.  I am once again hungry, in the best sense of the word, for life. I can’t wait to continue growing and moving forward in this chaotic existence. I am so appreciative for the things that I have and how hard I have worked to get where I am. It has been truly rough out here on my own but as I said earlier, I am so proud of how resilient I have become.

I can’t wait to see what kind of incredible things I accomplish next year. I am so hopeful for the future. Looking forward with bright eyes y’all! I hope everyone has a wonderful New Years and that you can all look back on the craziness that was 2020 and find the good in it as well. Thank you @always-the-2nd for challenging me and always keeping me in mind. It warms my heart to know that you’re in my corner as I am in yours.