#( note: this isn't directed at anyone in particular!! )

[mercutiodidntdieforthis]

The wave of Thomas Sanders hate that was going for ages just because of him acting mildly annoying to some people while making jokes and being nice to people was INSANE. He's literally always been a cool guy

[prettiest-thing-in-the-morgue]

HELP YOURSELF

summary : in a family filled with intriguing members of their own right , duke has a particular interest in a certain vigilante in the family that everyone seems to overlook . this interest leads to the family to spiral into obsession .

When he was first introduce to the Wayne family , Duke was overwhelmed , everyone was so talented , so special and unique and came from such - complex backgrounds , it was hard to ever find something or anyone dull in the family . Duke had his highs with the family - from patrol , to movie nights every Saturday , food fights on Monday mornings because of course Jason had to rile up Damian but he had his lows - particularly the fact that he was the only sole meta in the family .

Something so minute shouldn't affect him , I mean come on isn't badass that he's in a family that can accomplish so much with sheer willpower without powers ? Though , it hurts every time he sees Conner teach Jon how to use his super strength without hurting himself in the process . He seethes in envy every time he witnesses it because he swears it ensnares him in a painful grasp - reminding him that he's the bystander in this family and that he's the only odd one out.

He shakes away the chill that runs up his spine and returns his focus back to the scene in front of him , a young woman is desperately trying to yank her purse away from some lacky burglar. ' Easy' Duke thinks to himself as he effortlessly swoops down from the rooftop he is perched on and landed on the thug . " Leave this poor woman alone " Duke commands as he pressed his legs onto the burglar's back. The burglar growls and pushes himself off the floor - practically making the woman scream . Duke immediately goes to jump away and reassess the situation when the burglar spins around inhumanely fast mid air to face the vigilante .

Bewilderment and confusion was all Duke felt but regardless he goes to land a sucker punch to the burglar's mask face when suddenly the burglar takes out a bomb from his inner pocket and throws it at the woman behind them. The woman screams as the bomb makes a beeline towards her and Duke wants to scream in frustration at how utterly stupid she's being and the fact that the burglar has outplayed him.

Suddenly , a figure clad in black with red accents jumps in front of the lady and catches the bomb effortlessly and throws it aside like it was nothing. Duke takes this time to sucker punch the burglar into the floor while he was distracted with the bomb's dentation , causing the man to groan in pain . While Duke is handcuffing the burglar , he eyes the figure in the corner of his eye handing the woman her purse before approaching him.

" Thank you ..... " Duke trails off as he watches the figure properly . He notes that they adorn a black body suit but has a red spider symbol in front near their chest . They adorn black helmet that covers the entirety of their face , only showing the user's dark brown eyes.

"Widow "the figure answers before leaping away from Duke . " Wait ! Who are you , I've never met you before !" exclaims as he extends his hand in attempt to reach out to them . " Just stay safe kid you don't know what you're doing " the figure says , directing a glare at him before they vanish.

That afternoon , Duke returns back to the mansion , he slumps against the kitchen table , the weight of patrolling all day and the situation of meeting a strange entity named ' Widow'. Alfred gently pats him on the back and serves him a plate of snadwhiches.

" I take it that today's patrol was exhausting Master Duke" , Alfred asks him as he begins to wash up wares in the kitchen. " You have no idea , met some weirdo who called me a kid like what the hell " , Duke complains as he takes a bite of the sandwich . " Weirdo ?" Alfred questions as he dries a plate. " Yeah some named Widow " Duke replies . Alfred drops the plate.

He feels every muscle on his body tense at the mention of her name , a name that may have been a bygone memory to many but not to him never him . Duke scrambles out of his chair and approaches Alfred . " Hey are you okay ?" Duke asks as he holds the elderly man by the hands. Alfred tries - he tries to talk but is too shocked to say anything - he fears this is a dream , a cruel dream that god bestowed upon him as a punishment - a reminder of his failure .

"Widow - are you sure they said Widow ?" Alfred asks the boy frantically , panic old eyes watching Duke's intently. Duke stumbles back but answers , " Yeah that's what they said why does it matter ?" . Pin drop silence fills the manor as Alfred registers Duke's words. Alfred crouches to the ground , his hands run along the jargoned edges of the broken plate - the rough feeling grounds him , reminding him that all of this is real .

" It matters because that is your sister young master " Alfred forces out. Silence consumes them again . " What ?" Duke questions as he holds onto Alfred tighter. For the five years he has lived with the Waynes - no one never mentioned a Widow or a sister not ever so why is it now that he finds out that he has a sister and one that he has not heard or known about.

Alfred can feel warm hot tears running down his worn cheeks as nostalgic memories of him making a younger you a hot chocolate in the afternoon as you sit in the same chair as Duke had , coloring whilst simply blabbering about your day. He recalls how every night , he can feel your tiny figure sneaking into his bed to hug him with your stuffed bunny You were practically his daughter .

He also remembers that you weren't particularly liked by the Wayne family , at the time only consisted of himself and Bruce - a younger much fragile Bruce that had no idea how to raise a kid - a kid that was just put into his custody because their parents got too drugged up and k*lled themselves in the living room.

The situation wasn't ideal , Bruce was immature , till learning how to navigate his own feelings , his own anger , his own loss and so were you , a small , fragile thing that didn't quite yet understand why mommy and daddy were being put in a box .

He also remembers that tragic day - the day he lost you - . It was like any ordinary day , he dropped you off at kindergarten and watched you run to your teacher , excitedly showing her a drawing you made. He watches you smile and wave him goodbye as the teacher escorts you to your classroom. Alfred does what he usually does , returns back home and begin his preparations when he receives a call from your teacher . He remembers the dread , the sheer panic , the bone chilling anxiety that consumed him when he picked up that call to hear your teacher utter the words

" two government officials barged in class around recess and they took ( name ) I'm so sorry I tried to stop them - tried to grab the tiny thing but they had her really tight and - and they left "

[teaboot]

TOP 10 PERSONAL FAVE MOVIES TO WATCH WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE ASS

I don't like movies that stress me out because life is already stressful but I DO love catharsis comedy found family friendship fantasy and violence so here are my top 10 movies and series to have a good time watching

Numbered for convenience but not in any particular order

John Wick 1 and 2: An ordinary man grieving the loss of his wife gets dragged back into his past as a shadowy, invisible world of international killers for hire is slowly revealed to be living among us. A love note to set design, lighting, and choreography. My favourite part is fixating on the symbolism. DO NOT WATCH 3. 4 is okay. DO NOT WATCH 3. There is a dog death in 1 that will make you cry so skip that part if you have to. DO NOT WATCH 3.

The lord of the Rings, all 3, extended edition best watched if you're on the couch with the flu and expect to fall asleep OR if it's your day off and it's raining outside OR if you have like 5 people lounging around in pajamas

Six Underground: Essentially an hour and a half long car commercial music video with found family and a fresher take on acommon plot. Ryan Reynolds essentially writes and directs a Michael Bay movie where 6 independant criminals gather together to overthrow a violent foreign dictatorship. You show up for a dumb heist and walk out ready to build a guillotine. TW for violence, car crashes, chemical warfare, and genocide. A very cathartic ending. Does unfortunately do the whole "vague, impoverished middle-eastern country" thing but the citizens are actually show as human beings which is a nice change of pace and oh wow that's depressing isn't it

The Princess Diaries 1 and 2: A sort-of-a-loser teenage girl, played by a 2001 Annie Hathaway, learns that her late father was a king of a foreign nation and must become a confident and responsible leader for his people. There is a scene in the rain where you will experience emotions. Best watched with snacks. 2 features an enemies-to-lovers type deal with Chris Pine.

Ella Enchanted: A shrek-style semi-musical fantasy romance in which a young woman is cursed at birth to do everything anyone tells her to do. Features several Queen songs and dance numbers sung by Annie Hathaway and that guy who plays the sad dog guy in Hannibal.

Stardust: A huge loser travels from 1800s England (?) to a magical world in order to fetch a fallen star for the insufferable love of his life before she marries a massive douchebag. The huge loser? Charlie Cox. The star? A living person. Also a whole bunch of princes are ALSO looking for them as a race for the throne while discreetly killing each other off. And also a bunch of witches want to eat her so they can be young and sexy. 11/10. I used to watch this 10 minutes at a time on a YouTube channel that posted it in chunks filmed on a digital camera in their living room

The Last Holiday: Queen Latifah, playing someone played by Queen Latifah, has been working an underappreciated minimum wage job for years, living a safe and conservative life trying to lose weight and save money. Then she finds out she has months to live, and decides to finally quit her job and blow it all on one massive luxury holiday vacation complete with five-star dining, making friends and finding love and confidence along the way. It's definitely corny but it makes me so happy thank you Queen Latifah

Zathura: It's the plot to the original Jumanji but in space instead of the rainforest. But listen to me: There's a twist reveal at the end that you need to pretend isn't there. It is vitally important when you get to that part- and you will know what part when it happens- that you pretend it didn't. Otherwise, a fresh and enjoyable adventure for any age!

Redacted cause I haven't seen it in a long time and it may be worse than I remember, gotta rewatch

Bullet Train. You go in expecting a ham-fisted find-the-mcguffin style action comedy and are blindsided by excellent narrative symmetry and genuinely likeable characters. Fresh takes on old themes and creative action sequences. My little brother said "It's good", and he's a man who once sincerely argued that Lord of the Rings could have been better. It's fun and punchy violence with just enough smart stuff to not let your brain get bored

[uranometrias]

isn't that sweet, i guess so, aaron hotchner

summary: in which you reunite with your big sister's best friend, aaron hotchner for the first time since you graduated high school, and headed off to university. the last time you'd seen him you'd been a seventeen year old with a massive crush, now you were a special agent with doctorates and degrees. when the BAU is paired up with your unit during a case, you find that unit chief aaron is completely different from the aaron you'd looked up to growing up, but for good reason. one thing that never seemed to change though, is how he seems to know you better than anyone else, which is unlucky for you considering he's married with a baby on the way. pairing: aaron hotchner! x cia! female reader category: fluff x crack content warnings: none really? made up case details. mentions of bombings, murder, death, terrorism. there's an age gap of about 7 years between r! + hotch and this takes place in s1... idk it's just a bit of word vomit surrounding hotch finding a woman that's not haley attractive. no cheating though, cause it's literally fleeting, but reader is a bit smitten. author's note. i've got hotchner brain rot, and find myself with thousands of ideas that i never can bring myself to write. the girls that love him can be a bit... scary lol. they do not play about him, but whatever... he's on my mind so here we are.

it''s been so many months omg. i went to basic training and officially became an army girl! now i'm in italy now learning how to be a paralegal (which makes me even more equipped to write badass women with legal knowledge yum!) anyways... i'm sort of back, my schedule is packed, but i'm gonna get back into writing because i've missed it so terribly. xx

He hears you before he sees you. Your voice, despite the years that resided in between the last time he'd heard it hadn't changed much. It had gotten a bit deeper, a sign that you were no longer the bubbly teen he'd last seen you as, you were older, an adult now. Still, there's an undeniable giddiness that rested beneath your words that took him back to days when you were being chased off by your big sister for hanging around too much and "being way too obvious"

Obvious about what? Aaron had never quite figured it out, but he knows it's you nonetheless. You're standing in the middle of the Langley Headquarters, the Central Intelligence Agency office. The last Aaron had heard about you, you'd been on assignment in Qatar, but that was nearly eight months ago. Jobs that required FBI Agents and CIA Case Officers to overlap were usually gruesome, and despite how polite your tone was, he could still place a level of sternness.

"If we're dealing with some sort of cluster, the last thing we want to do is proceed haphazardly." you're speaking to a group of about ten counter-terrorism operatives, voice low so as not to disturb the other pods of agents working. "That said, over the last month there's been a bombing a week in the areas surrounding the capital." you're muttering just as the team is finally breaching the threshold of your particular pod. The building was bustling, flooded with bodies working on what Aaron was certain were different cases.

One of the agents, a man about your age seems to notice the new group, and clears his throat. You turn, eyebrow raising as you take him in. "I'm sorry?" you question as if the noise was some offensive remark made. The agent, whoever he is, seems to freeze up, eyes wide as he points forward in the general direction of the team. Aaron hears Elle's quiet little snort, and wonders how the two of you will manage to work alongside one another. Elle was - or better put, she could be quite volatile. And it seemed the way you'd spoken to your subordinate had already managed to put a sour taste in her mouth.

"I hope we're not interrupting." and you're finally turning, eyes fluttering directly to Gideon. You don't acknowledge anyone else on the team, only Gideon, head tipping to the side just slightly. Your lips push together, eyes then moving to the clock that rested on the desk nearest you.

"Not interrupting, but you're late, and we can't afford to wait around for the F.B.I. to finally give a damn." and your tone isn't snippy at all, but it's clear that you're passionate about your job, and this case. It makes sense that you're in the position that you're in. You turn back to your team, hands clasping together, "Everyone, these are the Bureau agents we were promised." you motion to them loosely. "You'll all be expected to work with them, not against them." you're back to pretending the profilers aren't there, he's not offended.

He can tell though that the others aren't sure how to take you. "This isn't the time for a balls match, and I don't care how long you've worked where." your eyes shoot across the entire group, resting sternly on the same man who's cleared his throat earlier. "They're here because they've mastered the art of getting into the mind of sons of bitches like these. In layman's terms we need them, and I expect you to give them the respect they deserve," it's then that you finally look back at them, eyes sweeping over the group.

Aaron sees it when surprise crosses your features, it happens when you finally lock eyes with him, but you hide it in an instant. "W-We can expect the exact same of them." everyone notices the sudden waver in your tone, but your face is so set they've got no time to unpack it. "I don't want to hear about any of you getting beside yourselves because you're too egotistical to accept a different opinion. Our goal is the same, so for now these are your comrades, and you'll treat them like you'd treat any cadet coming out of Peary."

You sound so official, and Aaron thinks that's partly due to the fact that you were one of the youngest in the room, which came with a certain level of scrutiny, which in turn meant you had no room to show any ounce of uncertainty. You couldn't give them any reason to believe they could undermine the authority you'd been granted. "We clear?" you ask, and you've regained some of that regality to your voice, and Aaron finds that leadership suits your character.

It's not until your team has offered their affirmatives and you've issued a handful of tasks that you finally turn back to the team. Your eyes sweep over the entirety of the line, deliberately passing over Aaron, and he wonders if that's deliberate. "Welcome to Langley." you start your introduction, "My supervisor said you guys would be here an hour ago." you admit, and you don't sound inherently snippy, but it's clear their perceived lack of punctuality was a bother.

"Our apologies, we came as soon as we were cleared." Jason is saying, and Aaron is certain all minds are running directly to Erin Strauss. She'd always had an affinity of making things way more difficult than they'd ever needed to be.

"That's alright, I'm just glad we've finally got your brains in the building." and you extend a hand, a polite (but still closed-off) smile residing on your face. "Jason Gideon, right?" you question, and he's accepting the gesture gingerly. "I'm Case Officer L/N, I'll be your point person while my supervisor is away." and you're looking at the clock again. "They should be landing within the hour, I'm sure he'll be looking forward to meeting you all." you proceed.

"This is Doctor Reid." and Gideon is addressing Spencer, who offers a small wave that you reciprocate. "This is our technical Analyst Garcia.." and he motions to her, the blonde beaming vibrantly at you. She's a walking ray of sunshine, a brightness that's needed in the profession. You offer your own sort of bright greeting, "And these are SSA's Greenaway, Morgan, Jareau..." and before Jason can move to introduce Aaron, you're offering the first real smile of the day.

"Hotchner." you complete Jason's greeting, smile deepening just slightly. "I'm actually quite familiar, we go way back." and Aaron feels every set of eyes to his left and right snapping right to him. He sees Derek's smug little smirk and JJ's perturbed eyebrow raise. He's not in the mood for questions though. "Follow me, we tore apart an office to make space for you guys." and you're walking, and the team is at a loss. Most of them seem to have no clue how to respond, but Derek does, he always does.

"We go way back?" he mimics cheekily and Aaron's eyes can't help but to roll. Elle and Jennifer are releasing similar snorts, clearly amused at the entire situation. Aaron doesn't know why they're so hellbent on trying to see something that wasn't there. It wasn't like you were some mysterious woman from his past. You were the kid sister of his childhood friend, basically a neighbor. Still, he couldn't deny that the feeling that stirred up alongside the familiarity was not lost on him.

"Let's just focus on the case." Gideon is muttering, and Aaron doesn't think he's ever appreciated the old man more.

It's barely a few moments before Aaron's being pulled from his head. The space that had been allotted to the team was nice enough, it would do for the time being. You watch them appraise the space, hands clasped in front of you like you were waiting for their reactions. "Thank you, it's perfect!" he breaches the first conversation between the both of you, and your eyes seem to light up, shoulders jumping at the not-quite praise. He notes then that you must not get a lot of 'good jobs' from your superiors.

"It's the least we could do, honestly." and you shrug slightly. "My boss won't like that I'm saying this, but we're really backed against a wall here." you lower your tone a bit. "If your team wasn't available, we'd be in a bind." you admit, and Aaron is familiar with the sentiment. His team did a lot of good work. "But, if I'm honest, I am kind of surprised to see you in the midst of the fray." you pivot, showing off all your pretty teeth as Aaron's lips quirk involuntarily.

You'd always been a vibrant person, the kind that could pull the sun out from behind storm clouds. That was something no amount of time could help him forget, and as you let your smile reach your eyes, the crinkle reminds him of a time before all the death, violence, and trauma he'd become accustomed to with the life he'd chosen for himself. "I'm hoping it's a bit of a happy surprise?" he says, because despite the circumstances, this was still you of all people.

"More than a bit." you reply instantly. "Honestly, the circumstances are God-awful, but it is nice to know that the 'little Aar Hotchner' that used to sit in our kitchen for breakfast, is the unit chief of an entire FBI unit." you say, and Aaron knows whether they want to be obvious or not, the team are eavesdropping, minds split between starting at their work, and hoping for a bit of insight into who their boss had once been. He'd deal with the fallout of that later.

"Little?" he says unconvinced, as you breathed out a small laugh.

"Okay, maybe not so little at all." you correct yourself teasingly. "I just- I can't believe that I'm actually seeing you again." and your head tips to the side like you're actually just coming to the realization.

"Yeah, you were a ghost for a bit there after your graduation." and it hits you like a ton of bricks. The last time you'd seen Aaron Hotchner it had been when he'd shown up to your high school graduation. Eighteen year old you, who'd been more than eager to leave Virginia behind and start your real life. That was almost ten full years ago.

"Yeah." you agree with a small nod. "Wow." and you exhale through your nose. "Unit Chief Aaron Hotchner, I wish I could say I was surprised, but honestly you've always been the bossy type!" you tease before you can really stop yourself, and it catches you both off guard when Aaron actually laughs.

"I guess I could say the same thing about you. You know, I almost didn't recognize you coming in. Being in charge though... it suits you." and this causes you to brim with nervousness, a nervousness you hadn't felt since you were a kid. You knew you were good at your job, you'd fought hard to get it, and you would do anything to maintain it, but it didn't come with a lot of friends, or congratulations, or even just a small bit of encouragement. It was a thankless role.

Somehow Aaron saying something so minute was enough to set all your doubts and second guesses about yourself at ease. Something that he seemed to have never grown out of practice with.

"Thanks, Aar." you say quietly, and you look like you want to say more, but then your phone is buzzing in your pocket, and you're pulled back into a different headspace. The kind that had no time for laughter, for catching up, or anything outside of business. You check your phone, head pivoting to look at that big clock on the wall, and you sigh.

"Everything okay?"

"My boss is running late, won't be back until tomorrow. Which means this is now officially my case." you express, and Aaron understands your plight. The sudden pressure, the way you must have been nervous.

"That's what we're here for." he reminds you politely, treading lightly. "So you won't have to do this one by yourself." Aaron continues, as you blink away your awe. "And like I said, leadership suits you, you'll probably have the whole office in shape in no time." he offers you more encouragement, and you wonder how it could be possible to leave someone behind, and come back to them holding the same amount of space in your heart.

"Thank you." you let out a tired exhale. "I should go. I was expecting him to handle a few things, but now that it's on me... I have a lot more work to do." and you open and close your hand, flexing your fingers as you shuffle awkwardly. "I'm sorry-" you begin, and Aaron is waving you off, face pinching up in a way that was not quite like him.

"Don't. It'll give us time to think." and he's speaking for the team, who he knows don't need much to find a breakthrough.

"Right. It was-" and you look like you're not sure if you want to continue. "It was really good to see you again, Hotchner." and you stumble a bit as you take a small step towards him. "Just-" and you blink a few times. "Let me know if you need anything." you express, "Anything at all." and the emphasis isn't too lost on him as you beam up at him like you were remembering every last thing you ever recalled about him.

It takes you a second to note that the rest of the team is zoned in on the both of you, and you're immediately making your smile drop, taking a step back. "Uh-" you extend a hand, motioning to the entire group. "All of you." you offer, "If any of you need anything, my office is just up there!" and you point across hq to a large office surrounded with glass doors looking out into the bullpen. "Thank you again for your help." and you're looking at Hotch again, an almost sorrowful look on your face as you offer a smile before you take your leave.

Aaron finds it impossible to pull his eyes away from you, because you were so completely different from who he remembered. But some parts were still the same. He blinks away these thoughts, mostly because the loudest thought in his mind is of Haley and the baby they were expecting. But what were the odds that you of all people would be here. He catches the intense stare of Gideon, and both his eyebrows jump. Jason had a way of reading people like no one else.

He doesn't want to know what he found as he examined Hotch. So instead, Aaron beelines towards Morgan and Reid, hoping to hover long enough to get his head back in the game. If they notice the way his eyes would scan the office every so often, if only to catch a glimpse of you, they say nothing.

So he doesn't say anything either.

[emcapi-gaming]

Sphene and Wuk Lamat: A Theory

So... There's something that's been on my mind since I first played Dawntrail. And tbh, I'm surprised that I don't think I've seen anyone else come to the same conclusion, because it was really obvious to me.

Yeah uh... ever since like 10 minutes into meeting Sphene, I've suspected that her and Wuk Lamat are each others shards/reflections.

My initial suspicion was largely based on personality, the way that they immediately clicked and seemed to have a lot in common. And then I was like "wait a fucking second, they have almost exactly the same eye color, if not a perfect match," which pretty much cinched it for me.

(Note: technically - since, as far as we know, the Sphene we met was a recreation without a soul - it would have been the original, living Sphene who was Wuk Lamat's shard.)

It's pretty undeniable that they're set up as narrative foils from a character perspective, but I think it goes beyond that. This line in particular grabbed my attention:

That's... pretty direct.

And that's also the big difference between them: Wuk Lamat is someone who is physically strong and was raised as a warrior; Sphene is neither of these things.

The other thing that's standing out to me is that this whole situation between them, where they have mutually conflicting goals? Where one invades the other's world, even, putting it into peril, for the sake of saving their own?

We've seen it before.

Even including the fact that the main character's reflection is already dead.

And after patch 7.1, I'm only more convinced... because guess what?

I daresay we've seen this before too.

And beyond just the interesting narrative parallels between Sphene & Wuk Lamat and the WoL & Ardbert, the fact that Sphene's story clearly isn't over is making me think that this is going to be relevant.

[moniquill]

So there's a post going around that I'm not going to engage with because my point is entirely different than what the discussion is covering there...

It's this thread: https://www.tumblr.com/galileosballs/783607164314976256/some-of-the-responses-to-this-have-been-in

(I will not be weighing in on that thread)

Here's the thing about schooling and Kids These Days from the elementary to the college level using generative AI (which is Bad for many reasons; I am not defending it):

School (for the purposes of this discussion, public school in the US because that's the only kind of schooling I personally have extensive experience with) is not designed to promote learning.

Lamentations about the ethics of the students who do this, about how this is devaluating education, about how it's frightening that future doctors etc are cheesing their way through medical school with AI all have their eyes on a particular symptom of a much, much bigger and deeper problem. That problem is ULTIMATELY capitalism, but on the way there it's about pedagogy.

I, from the perspective of not having been beholden to school for many years, can confidently say that I did not learn a single fucking thing in school between fourth grade (age 9; I learned how to do long division) and college (age 18, learned a lot of different things, absolutely none of them particularly relevant to any paid work I've ever had). School was a six to eight hour time sink (plus however long homework took) in my day that actively got in the way of me learning things WHILE piling a bunch of stress and trauma onto me that I had to spend years recovering from.

School, in the US, is designed from the ground up to train children into compliant workers. It's about showing up on time, being willing to follow arbitrary and often unfair rules, doing as one is told by figures of authority, and giving the desired answers to direct questions (while asking as few clarifying questions as possible). Curiosity and creativity are actively punished by public school.

"Does saying things that are true and that you know are true only matter when someone is giving you a little prize for it?" Literally yes, that his how the system is built. Under capitalism, there is no motivation to say true things that are true that you know are true. It is likely, in fact, to get you punished! If you want to change that behavior, YOU HAVE TO CHANGE THE SYSTEM THAT PRODUCES IT.

This quote, in particular, seems to miss the point hugely:

"Some of the responses to this have been, in essence, "well, it's not our fault for being raised in a bad educational system that prioritizes grades over comprehension". And you're right, it's not your fault.

But you freely admit the system is bad. That it values the wrong things.

So why do you limit yourself to only achieving what it values? Do you not aspire to be better than a system you know is wrong? Don't you want to change the world?" with a post script of "the system is bad and that fact absolves me of moral responsibility to be a good person” is CEO rhetoric frankly"

It should be noted that absolutely no one in the thread has espoused a belief that 'hat fact absolves me of moral responsibility' - they are all talking about ways that the system is rotten from the ground up and needs to be dismantled and rebuilt. Many, many people reblogging the chain are ascribing malice/excuse-making to people who are merely correctly identifying the problem. Explanations are not excuses; sorry that someone taught you that at some point.

No one in that thread has said "I use AI, and think that it's a good and laudable thing to do!" - that is not a position that anyone seems to be holding.

There are a lot of people in that thread who are indignant that anyone is going to college who isn't deeply invested in learning, as if that's the goal that sends people to academia.

We do not live in a world that rewards learning. We live in a world that awards the possession of credentials.

We do not live in a world where people pursue careers because they are inherently important and meaningful to them - they pursue them because they want to survive under capitalism. Most people are not going into healthcare, for example, because they genuinely want to help heal people who are sick or injured; they're doing it because it's a stable career that generated a livable income. I say this as a person who works in healthcare and deals with others working in the field.

"If you're using AI to get through your education you've not fucking earned your qualifications. That AI did."

No one has ever 'earned their qualifications' re: possession of a college degree. They have merely shown a capacity and willingness to jump through the required hoops.

Do you think that you can shame people into not using shortcuts?

I want readers to look at this thread:

which has a much more coherent idea of what the problem is and what can be done about it. I want readers to look into pedagogy; check out these old-ass videos:

And just... just go watch every Ted Talk by Sugata Mitra.

I think we as a society need to be far more honest in what the goals we have are and how they're best achieved. Most of the jobs that people end up spending their lives doing should not be asking for college degrees. Most people do not want or need to go to college. Most people in college, in school at all, are there under duress and the threat of destitution.

I really want people to reblog and reply to this with thier own thoughts - I know that's no longer vogue on tumblr, but I am trying really hard to bring it back. No, the replies will NOT be opened. Fucking reblog it.

[bonefall]

Hi there! I know you've made posts about warriors who have lost their sight and hearing, but would you have any ideas of how losing their sense of smell could affect a cat? I have to imagine it'd be a pretty big deal for a hunter or medicine cat

You know, you'd think it would primarily affect "tracking" skills, since as humans we tend to think of following scent trails and hunting down wild game, but the truth might shock you a little;

The first thing the other cats would notice is that the warrior is getting lost a lot.

When it comes to scents, the most important use that cats have for their sense of smell is navigating their territory. Through scent, they can tell the direction towards camp, exactly where they are in a territory, and if they're getting close to a border.

Most media (including WC itself) tends to depict scent like a floating, colorful "trail." A direct line leading you to the target, like this;

But this is actually not very accurate. You'd have to be dealing with a VERY stinky animal for this to be the case, like boar or elk.

Scent acts more like this;

It "collects" on solid objects the animal brushes past or intentionally marks, sometimes including the ground if they've lingered there. Newer brushes on the object have more of the scent particles present just as a matter of not having enough time for the odor to disperse. Think of it sort of like liquid; a "stale" scent is like an object that was soaked now simply being damp.

A warrior's "scent marking" is like a big stink bomb. It will make the entire area smell. Anyone who has been unfortunate enough to have an intact cat spray their house knows that it's not a dainty little spritz. It's STINKY.

To a cat though, the marks that are placed down by individuals and patrols give the entire area a sort of comforting "aroma." Because of the smell, they can perceive their home territory as if it's a map.

"Hub" areas have a stronger smell than "limnal" zones, and camp has its own unique scent. Just by combining these two things, you will always know EXACTLY where you are and how to find your way back to safety.

(Note; this is a major reason why I assert that blindness should be one of the least debilitating sensory disabilities for a warrior to have. Cats have a built in scratch-n-sniff RPG map.)

I mentioned in passing, earlier, that this is comforting. That's the second thing that would probably start to affect a warrior losing their sense of smell; it would be very common for them to start developing anxiety.

It's VERY unsettling for a cat to be in an unfamiliar place, and this is usually because nothing smells right! Providing the right pheromones is actually a way to treat anxiety, and this is the reason why you can often find a lost cat by putting one of their blankets outside. Pride aside, an elder might request more escorts outside of the camp simply as a matter of comfort once their nose isn't working so good.

For tracking itself, though-- in comparison to their Clanmates, hunters with a bad sense of smell would be bad at finding prey. Being a solitary hunter would become unfeasible.

The simple solution is that they shouldn't hunt alone. Just having one good tracker in the team to bring the party to big game could work fine. In WindClan in particular, they'd get put on lagomorph hunts very often (since 2 average-sized rabbits feeds a Clan for a day, let alone a hare).

For a Cleric, it would force them towards retirement.

Tracking down herbs is one thing; they could still be good at knowing where things grow, even with the added risk of getting lost. More importantly, MOST of a cat's health information is discerned through smelling their scent-- through their glands, their breath, and most importantly their scent marks. A Cleric who can't smell would start making inaccurate diagnoses.

And all of this doesn't even factor in how much communication is done through scent. When a cat bumps you with their head, "kisses" you with their teeth, or runs their side along you, that's them putting a mark on you. It's saying, "I want you to smell like me and I want to smell like you, because we're part of the same group!"

The important thing about that is that it is happening a dozen times a day with different Clanmates.

Rosetail demonstrates the point with some gossip: "Did you notice that Snowfur smells a lot less like Bluefur, lately? Yeah, she totally reeks like Thistleclaw. Since you smell like Thrushpelt, I feel comfortable sharing this with you; I don't think they're a good match at all... don't tell him I said that, though, even though he's my brother he would get really mad if he found out I thought that."

A warrior who can't scent will feel VERY socially isolated. There's an entire social network behind who you're marking, and being marked by.

In summary;

Scent has a massive role in navigation, for cats.

Cats who can't smell are at risk of getting lost easier.

Try not to think of scent like a "floating trail," but more like a series of odor marks on the objects the target has brushed up against.

Scent marks are STINKY, they make a whole area reek.

However, that's comforting to cats. Not being able to smell this has negative impacts on mental health.

It's the "tracking" part of prey and herb hunting that would become difficult.

Clerics who can't smell are liable to start making bad judgements.

Scent marking is part of the social fabric, and there is an important aspect to Clan dynamics that a cat who can't smell would lose out on.

[taeaura]

I've been thinking about this for a while because I haven't actually seen or read any Thomas Hewitt x reader fanfic where the main character is a meek/shy individual with an emotional nature. By that, I mean somebody who is timid, not self-assured, soft-spoken, gentle, pacifistic, and often afraid to speak up for himself/herself. Not to mention that if being mocked or bullied, will start to tear up a bit and become more secluded.

Every time I read about Y/n, they are always this Mary Sue like temple who still ends up with odd or disrespectful issues. Like there's too many of them. Get rid of them! Bring me something new! Because I have no idea what the Hewitt's would do with that sort of person. Especially if it was a female instead of a male. What would Thomas and the family do with such a person? In theory, it seems obvious, but I genuinely don't know.

Hi again! I broke this up into headcanons as well as a little one shot - Hope that's okay!

Below are other posts dealing with similar topics if you'd like to view those additionally:

Soft-spoken s/o | mauswyx

Slashers x Socially Anxious! Reader | tac-the-unseen

Thomas Hewitt x Meek/Emotional Reader

This GIF felt fitting idk why god I wish that was me

_____

Thomas is a shy individual himself - Knowing this, I doubt he'd have an issue with any aspect of your nature. He'd actually be more protective of you than of someone who's much more..vocal about their displeasure.

Thomas doesn't mind the timidness, he's fully willing to be the 'strong' one in the relationship..he's kinda been forced into the roll within his family.

Charlie will tease you. A lot. He knows what gets on your nerves, how to pry under your skin - What makes you tick, cry, and breakdown; It's a favorite pastime of his, that is, when you're still a 'guest' captive.

He'll bring up traumatizing moments, taunting you with the possibility of 'ending up like the rest.' Hoyt pulls strings not even you knew were there:

"One word, and you'll end up splattered 'cross this damn wall."

{If you're fem-presenting} "Momma only likes you 'cause you're a girl, Once she see's how much of a harlot you are, she'll throw you right on out."

Once he's gotten used to you {or you've proved your 'worth'}, he'll switch things up a bit:

"Y'know, Tommy's got a real sensitive heart..you break it, s'not gone end well for any of us."

{Talking to a family member} "They're not too bad, huh? Small, quiet, always does as they're told, not too much of a hassle, now, are they?"

--

Thomas won't necessarily stand up for you, but he'll comfort you almost immediately

If you're ever in a particular mood, Thomas is pretty respectful of boundaries. If you need to be left alone, he's just fine with that. He might leave you a note and slide it under your door - Just a quick little "I love you" or something similar.

If you prefer direct comfort, he's fully willing to let you cry it out , or vent to him. He won't be able to respond much, but know he's processing it all. Depending on how comfortable the two of you are, he's willing to hold you/your hand, some pats on the back and such.

Any comfort you show him, he'll show back. For example; If you gently wipe/caress his face down after {or when} he cries, he'll do the same for you. Ask for what you want, and he'll do just that..most of the time 🫀

--

Thomas isn't a huge fan of confrontation - Anything confrontational outside of 'work', really. He knows his 'place' in the family, and isn't willing to push it {aka, argue with his family}. He won't argue for you, or get any family members to stop their pestering, but he will kill for you. Anytime a victim gets too close, he's got something sharp in his hands.

If they hurt you {or anyone in the family, really}, whether it be emotionally or physically, prepare for the goriest, most blood-caked basement you've ever encountered. He needs to take his anger out, and believe me, he will - Even with your pacifistic pleas.

--

Outside of his protective nature, your pacifistic and emotional nature tends to rub off on Thomas. He knows what he's doing, and how important it is to the family - But he gets moments of doubt at times, which are amplified around you.

Those people had lives..families just like his.

Meat.

Meat is all they are.

Don't fail the family, Thomas. They're {you} disposable, family isn't.

_____

Everyone was overwhelmed with the new..'livestock' that came in this afternoon. Although a small group, they fought hard. Hoyt had gotten his nose punched in just thirty minutes prior - It was all crooked and overflowed with blood dripping down his cupid's bow. Momma had gotten it taken care of - Thomas had helped 'realign' his nose best he could, whilst momma helped pack the bleeding. Hoyt would sure swell up and bruise within the next few days..if he hasn't already..

Instead of trying to rest, he bombarded you with insults - "What the fuck is wrong with you?! You didn't think to tell us one of them got out?" - "How fucking useless are you?!" He was really mad at you for that one..

Just like last time, you cried. Frantic, raw, disheveled cries. You fucked up...badly. The thought plagued you terribly, it ate away every ounce of assurance you had. I'm sorry..I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry..it rung through your mind, but your body was paralyzed as it knelt on the carpet; You wouldn't be speaking for quite some time..

It wouldn't matter anyway - Hoyt wasn't the type to hear it. You put the family in danger, that's all that mattered. It didn't matter if you were "sorry" or not - You threatened the Family. Who the hell do you think you are? After all we've given you? Food, shelter, safety, a place of purpose?

Ungrateful. That's what you are. A selfish, clumsy, inconsiderate ingrate.

You were shaking - Desperate to apologize, make it up to them. Your hands covered your face, leaving only small opening to peer through. The room was lit only by a small, vintage lamp in the corner, though that light suddenly blurred within darkness -

You felt your hands being pried from your face, though gently. It was Thomas - Wasn't much of a surprise, he was always the one to ground you.

He held eye contact with you as he lightly dusted away your tears with the backside of his index finger. He held your shaking hands tenderly, placing them at your knees. As he let go of your hands, he slowly raised his {hands} back to your face, tilting his head slightly as if to ask for permission -You continued to sniffle and gasp, providing a small, shaky nod in affirmation. Thomas benevolently grasped your cheeks, wiping tears as he did. You and Thomas had developed this wordless affirmation - a way to ground each other in times of need; He placed his forehead to yours. You often joked that you two 'looked like bugs' from the unconventional angle, and he'd chuckled best he could. He loved you. Truly, loved you.

The room was unusually silent - You looked beside you to see Luda Mae and Hoyt gone, only Uncle Monty facing the window as he read the news. Momma must've dragged Hoyt out...thankfully. You finally looked back at him, he really did look like a bug from this angle.., but he was the sweetest man. He left you a note earlier this morning, right after Charlie had yelled at you the night before:

Nothing's gonna hurt you, baby - I love you.

-Thomas

_____

I hope this isn't too bad - Love you guys thank you so much for the request 🫀

[rosurie]

PCs as Love Interests

DAMSEL

- you can either meet Damsel in school surrounded by other students or after a modeling gig at the café. 9 times out of 10 she won't approach you. UNLESS you happen to catch her eye [through aesthetics, smarts, strength, personality quirks, etc. essentially if you aren't someone who she deems boring, she sets her sights on you.] Damsel can take some time to romance because she is demiromantic.

Unique Stat(s): Intrigue; Obsession/Possession

- the route of this stat that you unlock all depends on how you interact with her and how high your English+Seduction stats are. For Damsel's Possession trait, it's fairly simple to unlock. if you are devoted to her, are soft spoken/meek, or have a masochistic trait, you have a leg up towards unlocking Damsel's Possession. the higher the Possession, the more she will begin to nudge you into doing things for her, she may start manage who you can hang out with, and full Possession Damsel will genuinely start to view you as nothing more than a dog who's purpose is to be subservient to her. she won't let you leave her, she won't let you find interest in anyone but her.

Damsel's Obsession trait is harder to unlock because she's very particular about who she lets have power over her. In order to tip Damsel's Intrigue into Obsession, you have to be able to out manipulate her OR be a powerful/influential enough figure that she's willing to put her pride aside for you. her Obsession is different than Kylar's in that outwardly, she stays the same, but you will notice she's always seeming to listen to your advice or lets you push her in a certain direction of your choosing. she's also far clingier and will subtly seek praise. max Obsession Damsel is willing to do anything for you.

last little facts:

- you can raise her Possession with low love, but not her Obsession.

- you have to have at least 25> Intrigue to even unlock her love stat.

Horn Brain Content

- despite presenting herself to be a very dominant person, she is a switch! but she's very particular about which people can dom her. her lust stat is open from the moment you meet her <3

- she's still a virgin. this is partially by her choice and partially because to get to her virginity, you have to grt through Noé. though you definitely could take her virginity without Noé's approval/ interference, it is harder to do. good luck ♡

NOÉMIE

- you can only meet Noé alone at the temple, since he makes his presence at school scarce. however you can also meet him if he's with Damsel in town, typically on Barb Street or Nightingale Street if he's picking her up from the Dance or Photography Studios respectively. Noé is another hard to romance person but that's because his mind isn't really wired for romance. he thinks hes above you, regardless of your relationship status, so get used to that.

Unique Stat: Influence

- raising Noémie's Influence requires you to let him make all or most of your decisions for you. it starts with small things like choosing accessories and clothing for you and very quickly revolves into you being, essentially, a doll. you move how he wants, when he wants, and he really doesn't want to hear complaints, darling. he wants a mindless devotee, not a silly thing with their own thoughts ♡

Horn Brain Content

- Noé refuses to be anything but the dominant one. sorry babes, it's the god complex. he's also very unwilling to put his angel tf in jeopardy. he will however get you off with other methods but like he will not fuck you I'm so sorry if that's what you're aiming for. he's also a vengeful sadist so good luck soldier.

a little note as well: if you romance Noé or Damsel, expect to interact with the other fairly often. Damsel is far less likely to try and interfere in your relationship unlike Noé but...she is there. you have to be prepared to deal with Noé and Damsel's odd relationship ♡

TAMAYO

- you first meet Tamayo in one of three places. the nurse's office in the school, the pub on Fridays after meeting with Mickey, or at Darryl's being harassed while bartending. Tamayo can be difficult to romance because she often keeps to herself or she's being dragged around by Whitney. if you have a delinquent status or sadistic trait, Tamayo is more likely to approach you.

Unique Stat: Hysteria

- it's exactly what it sounds like. the higher her Hysteria, the deeper she's pushed into her masochism and suicidal thoughts. when at max Hysteria, Tamayo starts to have vivid thoughts of you killing her. she becomes desperate for you to be increasingly violent with her. she's not going to end herself though, it has to be you.

Horn Brain Content

- Tamayo is a submissive and drooling masochist. though she looks miserable, she likes to be thrown around, manhandled, used as a punching bag, etc. she'll agree to anything you request, even if it's to her detriment. her lust stat starts at 15% if you have a reputation for being violent.

my pcs are free real estate ♡

also I'll be making a separate post for Tomoe. partially because I haven't figured out their unique stat and partially because they could never be an LI, so I'll make a POI post for him ♡

[jelloapocalypse]

If I'm not mistaken (and I fully could be so please let me know if I am) but didn't you used to be much closer to 2 million subscribers? I swear I remember seeing you at like 1.98 or something.

Either way, is there a good way to support you on Youtube? Or is that something I shouldn't worry about too much? Do you know if there's a good way to promote your videos to the algorithm that will have a good effect?

I've been hovering in the 1.8-1.9M range for like ~3 years or so now. The internet as it is now only boosts consistent uploads that are 15+ minutes long or TikTok-style vertical videos that are <2 minutes long with captions.

I don't do either of those and I have no interest in pivoting my stuff in that direction, so I think it's likely I'll probably never hit 2 million. It is what it is.

Subscribers have mattered less and less over the years. I remember them feeling really valuable in like... maybe pre-2015 when your subscriptions were at the top of your homepage and they prioritized showing you the stuff you said you were actually interested in, but now the sub page is super buried and unless you sign up for individual notifications from a channel you probably won't even know they uploaded anymore.

The internet is a slave to algorithms now. Stuff gets popular pretty much entirely independent of subscription count.

Jenny Nicholson and Hbomb are two of my favorite YouTubers who make absolutely incredible marathon-length videos once or twice a year (which is the exact type of thing you'd want subscriptions for), and even though both of them have been putting out mega-viral documentary-length videos every year for the last three years or so, their sub counts haven't exploded. People write articles on the things they make, in real publications too. New York Times and HuffPost shit. Yet both of them have less subs than me. Jenny has 1.3M and Hbomb has 1.8M which is insane. They should both be at like 3M+ easily for the stuff they make, and if they had the popularity they do now back in 2012, they probably would have the equivalent to that.

By the same token, I have a streaming channel that I do fully-voiced readthroughs of games on and there are people who try to watch almost every stream that often show up late and complain about how YouTube never notifies them. They had to hear about it via a friend on Discord even though they're subscribers AND they have notifications on. Being subscribed quite literally does not do anything these days.

It's worth noting that YT subs aren't really reflective of a channel's overall "health", if you want to call it that. My streaming channel has been doing really well the last two months. We played Danganronpa for charity and had the best viewership we ever got with 1100-1600 viewers for any given episode, which is really high. That's like Top 0.1% of Twitch numbers. We also get a ton of donations and artwork from our fans and watch time is up 40% from the last month right now. Forty percent. That's crazy!

But our sub count keeps dropping. We lose about 100 subscribers a month, for whatever reason. But isn't that weird? That literally every other metric on your channel can be skyrocketing while subscribers go down? It seems like they really don't matter.

We've had over 100k subscribers for a year and a half now, but YouTube still hasn't mailed us that plaque. I doubt they ever will. I'd be surprised if anyone on their staff even checks that anymore. Today's internet is focused on keeping viewers moving to new content and showing them as many ads as possible while they do it. There isn't as much of a benefit to keeping someone watching one particular person anymore.

I appreciate you trying to support us! I think just watching our stuff when you feel like it and maybe showing your favorite videos to friends every once in awhile if you think they'll like it is the best thing you can do. If even one person ends up watching and binging all my Epithet stuff that's like 6 hours of watchtime right there.

[polarisjisung]

LOVE ON THE COURT | 20 ... WITH BENEFITS??

SYNOPSIS | every college student has their struggles, but raising her younger brother has Y/N top of the list, struggling her way through college whilst balancing her academics and basketball captaincy is difficult no doubt and with Jaemin, her ex best friend and captain of the guys basketball team, and his growing one sided hatred towards her, it doesn't seem to be getting any easier

WARNINGS | swearing, sexual innuendos, kys/kms jokes, y/n has daddy issues for the sake of the plot

NOTES | I have no idea why this update took me so long to post I'm so sorry 😭 I don't like making chapters like this too sad (don't worry there's still gonna be some angsty chapters) but I don't want the written stuff on its own bcs that feels too espresso depresso or wtv the phrase is so this is a bit of a longer chap than usual.. anyways if ever you feel bad for y/n, don't worry you're gonna feel worse

19:21, dinner the night before

Y/n shuffles in her seat.

Jaemin greets her with a smile, and though she offers one back, that sinking feeling in her stomach doesn't seem to settle.

Suddenly now that she finds herself face to face with her once best friend, no menus in hand since they'd already given their orders, no way to avoid conversation for just a couple seconds longer, Y/n finds herself at a loss for words.

What was anyone supposed to say in this situation?

Sure a thank you would be ideal, considering Jaemin had somehow managed the impossible, but the words escaped her. Like they rested at the tip of her tongue but she lacked the drive to speak them.

It's not that y/n wasn't grateful, no, she wouldn't be here if she wasn't, in fact she didn't know what it was, what confused her so deeply that she sat there silently. Her thumbs twiddling against one another, as she stared down at the table in front of her.

There was a nagging whisper in her mind, one that cast shadows over her once clear thoughts, leaving her in that haze of uncertainty that she recognised all too well. Recently it was all she could feel around the captain.

Something about this situation in particular makes her palms sweaty and the hairs stand on her neck, every glance at Jaemin feeling like a shadow of what had once been, a reminder of how it had all been lost.

Even just sitting opposite Jaemin isn't simple.

Not at all.

It's like sitting across from a mirror that once reflected shared laughter and secrets, now distorted by fractures of lost trust and unspoken words. She supposed that was the thing about mirrors and shattering. No matter how hard you tried to glue the pieces back together, it would never quite be the same.

Perhaps that's why y/n is lousy in her attempts, grateful to Jaemin but unbothered to express it. The thought that no matter how desperately she hoped, this couldn't be restored. That there was no point in pouring energy into a friendship that would never be resolved.

"So" it's undoubtedly jaemin who breaks the silence, a soft tone to his voice, not quite as gentle as the other night but still warm "are you feeling better? like really okay?"

For a moment she wonders whether she'll break at the sound of his voice like she always had. Would she go back to that point in life where it was so easy to lie, so easy to say she was okay, so easy to pretend, in front of everyone else but never in front of him.

"I'm fine, honestly." She lies.

There's a shy sheepish smile that creeps across her lips and slightly accents her words

Jaemin hasn't seen much of her positivity be directed his way, and seeing this ignites the little hope in him that they could move on from this, from everything.

"You didn't have to work on it without me you know, it was just as much my project as it was yours and you putting in all the effort isn't fair on you."

"You did most of the preliminary stuff anyways, and I really didn't want to ask you because of the other night" Jaemin finally admits, though not willingly, his words extracted more so by her sharp stare and the cold atmosphere.

"Right..." Her attempts at changing the subject, clearly in vain— he really needed to stop asking about the other night. Y/n wasn't sure how much h longer she could hold back the tears, the looming feeling of inadequacy as a guardian still strong. She should have been more careful.

She knows its her turn to speak, opening her mouth to do so.

But again, y/n struggles.

The words play hide and seek in her mind, leaving her to grasp at empty. The atmosphere grows heavy with the weight of unspoken words. Her mind races, a jumble of what to say, thoughts of how easy conversation once was, how effortless it had been, all such a stark contrast to now.

Jaemin watches, a mix of intrigue and concern in his eyes as she contemplates in front of him, quiet but with an expression that spoke volumes.

The silence between them seems to bite louder than any conversation they once held, each dish in front, a reminder of the bitter aftertaste of a friendship turned cold.

"It's just Minjun and I" she breathes out, voice shaky, and Jaemin realises that those nervous cues in her slumped posture and shaking hands had never changed "It's just been the two of us for a while" she whispered. "That's why I was so scared"

Jaemin's hand hovers uncertainly beneath the table, unsure if the gesture would be welcomed or misunderstood, caught in the delicate balance of care and concern.

Admittedly, Jaemin catches himself slightly intrigued, still confused what could have lead to her practically perfectly family turning into this.

But he knows better than to let his curiosity get the best of him.

He wants to stop her, tell her that whatever it is that causes her brows to knit together and her pretty eyes to gloss over isn't something she needs to force herself to talk about, but he doesn't know how.

For a moment he's kicking himself under the table— how had he ever let go of the person who meant so much to him?

Even now, knowing everything she had done, he couldnt help but question why hadn't he tried to get past it then?

At the sight of her downcast features suddenly everything that he once despised her for seemed so trivial.

Jaemin sees himself, a younger, less mature version that stands on the court, hair matted to his forehead from the rain, a ball long forgotten somewhere behind him, cold, betrayed, and so painfully alone. Those burning tear stained cheeks, the harsh whistles of wind, the bitter feeling of failure still clinging to his skin, he remembers it all.

But every feeling he recalls so well, so vividly, is so easily dismissed when her eyes shine with a painful tint, red from the piercing tears that she holds in them.

"My dad" she cuts him off, gaze now avoidant as he grabbed her cold hands in his, "he walked out on us not long after ...whatever hapenned between you and me. He never came back, didn't answer a single call, not even a text, no form of communication except the papers he sent in the mail so I could become Junnie's legal guardian."

I missed you, she wanted to say. I needed you she'd liked to add.

"That's why it's just the two of us now" she said instead, trying to find more words to stop the tears from flowing, like her words were the only thing that could hold them back.

Back then, Y/n remembers vividly the feeling of wanting to fall, to sink, to drown but still somehow keeping her head above the surface to hold on and stay strong for her younger brother. She wondered if Jaemin had been there, would it have been easier? Would she have let herself fall, would she have someone to give her a hand, to pick her back up again and hold her hand through it all? Would things have ended differently?

"I'm sorry" his words weren't new, they weren't special, they were the same as what everybody else would say but the fact that they came from him, Na Jaemin who now stood by her side with his arms wrapped around her, was enough to dissolve the feeling of emptiness.

08:25 present time

Y/n looks over at Minjun, still deep in slumber, smiling before she steps out of the room.

There's way too many toys sprawled out across the living room floor, a blanket she finds herself folding as she subconsciously begins to clean up. Her eyes land on the kitchen counter, wondering what to make for breakfast. She was never particularly good at cooking, but she'd been learning for her brothers sake.

When she gets to the black jacket resting over the couch, it hits her. She catches sight of her puffy eyes in the mirror, and a hand runs through her hair hurriedly.

"Why the fuck did I tell him all of that" she let's out a frustrated sigh, running her hands across her face, "I'm supposed to hate him" she reminds herself, though her tone isn't convincing in the slightest.

"You don't hate him though" Heeseung's voice comes out muffled, the toothbrush between his lips making it difficult to understand his words.

He had been the one to stay over last night, her friends still taking turns to accompany Minjun and her every night since he'd walked out of the apartment, a gesture that made her heart swell. Although up until now she was pretty certain he was still asleep. Clearly not.

"I can't hate him" she sighs, falling back into the couch "is it bad I want to be friends with him again?" she asks, even though Heeseung had retreated to the bathroom to finish brushing his teeth.

Regardless he pokes his head out into the hallway, a sly smirk across his lips "with benefits?"

Y/n rolls her eyes.

He emerges again not long after, smiling from ear to ear "no y/n it's not bad if you want to be friends again" he takes a seat beside her "you can only fight your feelings for so long, let yourself be vulnerable, take the risk and try again" he says, hands resting on both his knees.

"and if you're feeling really risky, you can always—"

"shut up Heeseung" she smiles, lightly pushing against his arm "I guess it is worth a shot though"

"he's right next door anyways so sneaking around won't be hard at all"

"I meant being friends. Just friends." she stands up, walking over to the kitchen "you down for pancakes?"

He nods.

"You know it could be good though, he's hot, you're hot, there's enough tension to make things interesting and it ticks your not ready for a relationship box pretty well too"

Despite the pointed look the captain offers him, Heeseung doesn't let up, and secretly, she wouldn't have it any other way.

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[butmakeitgayblog]

cruel intentions anon here 🥹 can u share something with us? like a small snippet or a scene you've scraped or idk just some ideas? I've read the fic twice but I fear I'm fr addicted to them 😭

Well I'll admit I don't have too much since I've started focusing on only one project at a time, but I have a bit of a oneshot that goes with this pic

Set a few weeks after the, ahem, conclusion of The Bet. Nothing smutty posted here unfortunately, but it will be. Oh it will be smutty. Clarke does not leave Lexa looking like that for no reason 😌

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You're whistling.

Honest to God, actually whistling. 

A jaunty little tune devoid of melody and structure. Nothing more than a slow sling of notes that doesn't really have any direction in particular, because the point isn't the song itself. 

It's the mood.

And that mood is… happy.

So, so fucking happy. 

Terrifyingly, unmitigatedly, euphorically fucking happy.

It's weird and you hate it, and it's embarrassing to even think about, but you wouldn't trade this feeling for anything. 

And really, who could blame you. Not when life has never been this good. All rose colored glasses and kiss-filled memories that dance like bubbly champagne around the empty space in your head.

You genuinely don't think anyone has ever been as blissful in the existence of the world as you are right now when the doors of the elevator slide open, and you swagger your exceptional ass into your penthouse's bottom floor. 

You drop your purse on the bench and toss your keys on the countertop, praying it leaves a scratch for your stepmother to have a stroke over. Just for the hell of it. You undo the clip and feel your hair untwist in tousled ringlets draped sensually across your shoulders. 

You whistle a few more notes, and contemplate grabbing something to eat, before deciding there's nothing else in the world that you need.

Because you're in love. 

And it's that love that keeps you smiling as you walk down the hall, adding an extra click in your steps just to hear the crispness reverberate off the walls you don't pay for. It's that same love that makes your heart race as you slam the antique handles down and throw open the parlor doors with a flourish, lightheaded and so goddamn euphoric you would fucking hate the chipperness for them if it were anyone else.

It's that love that makes you so stupid that you don't even bother to look around before your eyes land on her. Beautiful and formidable as she stands behind the bar. Her lips purse at the shotgun bang of the doors, but she doesn't even jump, and her control next to your chaos makes you love her even more.

“Miss me?” you burst in with a deep chested purr.

Because you're in love and you love her and you absolutely want her to know it.

You just… don't know how to fucking say it.

Not yet.

Grey-green eyes widen like a warning shot, darting from you to the corner of the room and right back again, so quickly you would've missed it if you hadn't been staring quite so hard.

“Not particularly, no,” she snips in that contemptuous drawl of hers without missing a beat, and pops the cork back on a bottle of gin that costs more than your semester's tuition. 

You, belatedly, follow her eyes to the corner of the room and see your housemaid diligently running a duster across the frame of your great-grandfather's portrait. 

Fuck.

Your heart drops right down to your asshole, but you send up a silent prayer of thanks because at least you hadn't tacked on the pet name ‘lover’ like you'd been using so much as of late. 

That's been the closest you could get.

But Sherri doesn't seem to have heard you. Or at least she doesn't pay you any mind, not having paused from her work for even a fraction of a second at your grand entrance and social faux pas.

You stand frozen, staring at Lexa still working her magic behind the bar, adding a splash of something red to a drink before taking a sip and grimacing at its taste.

She smacks her lips and shakes her head and sets the drink back down like it's personally offended her. 

You frown at the whole display because you know she's not even a gin girl.

“Sherri,” she calls in that sweet little voice she reserves for the people she actually cares if they like her. 

“Yes, Miss Lexa,” your faithful maid answers, immediately stopping to look over.

Huh.

Apparently her hearing is just fine.

Delicate fingers discreetly land on your stomach as she passes, trailing down to your hips and snagging the bottom hem of your sweater, yanking just so to send you stumbling several feet away from the door and out of the way.

“You should take the evening off,” Lexa says once she's left you off-balance in her wake. “Go enjoy life for a change.”

“Oh, I don't think—” Sherry starts but cuts off at the soft tisk from Lexa's lips. 

“No. No. Now, there is simply nothing to think about, because that was not a suggestion, my chérie.”

You smile at the lilt of her teasing. Always in awe, because for the life of you, you'll never understand how she manages to be such a condescending bitch while still sounding so innocent. So warm and pleasant. 

And to be fair, it really hadn't been a suggestion. 

You stand forgotten in the late afternoon shadows and watch as she closes in on your maid like a huntress. All sculpted calves and four inch heels. Hands tucked daintily behind her back.

“But your mother—”

“Will never know,” Lexa whispers, bringing one long, sexy finger up to press against the pout of her smile. “I can keep a secret if you can…”

Sherri sighs in her defeat and shakes her head with the fondness of an exasperated mother, and you wonder if there's anyone this girl can't charm off their feet.

Lexa preens.

“Good. Now, a little birdy told me it was your birthday this weekend.” She pauses just long enough for your maid to nod in surprise. “And, well… I guess I just couldn't help myself.”

You cross your arms and make yourself comfy by settling a shoulder against the wall. More than thrilled to just sit back and take in the show as this fucking magician pulls out a bracelet from goddamn nowhere. 

She hushes the woman's flustered coughs, ignores hands slipping through greying red hair and automatic dismissals of, “no, Miss Lexa, this is—I couldn't possibly.” She soothes it all with honeyed words of reliability and sacrifice and devotion to our comfort, all while clasping the understated but opulent chain to an overworked wrist, connected to a woman who doesn't seem to quite know what to do with herself. Nimble fingers twist and turn the apparently well-thought-out gift so it lays perfectly in place, admiring her own exquisite taste in jewelry more than anything, you already know.

You wonder when the hell she got so thoughtful. 

She ushers the woman out with a firm, guiding hand to her back, mouth tipped in a demure smile as she assures her, this is exactly what she wants. 

The parlor doors close much more gently than when you'd entered through them, and she spins gracefully on her heel, looking so fucking pleased with herself.

You hold her eyes. 

Uncross your arms.

And slowly, loudly, begin to clap.

“Well aren't you made of sugar and spice and everything nice, Miss Lexa.”

She pinches the sides of her skirt and fans them out, dipping into a mere suggestion of a curtsey.

You move as though to reach for her because it's been six hours too long since you've had your hands on that body, but her pleasantries drop away as she sends you a scowl and slips just out of reach. 

“Next time, have a touch more decorum when entering a room,” she sighs over the authoritative clack-clack of her heels. “I had just gotten that bracelet. Didn't even have a chance to wear it out yet.”

Ah.

Now that makes more sense.

Fuck, you love how good she is at thinking on her feet.

“No one told you to kiss her ass with jewelry, for fucks sake,” you mutter despite the efficacy of her brilliance because really, she always had to be so damn extra about everything. 

“It was all I had, and thanks to someone,” she says with a pointed edge, “I didn't exactly have time to figure out another distraction. And since I'm fairly certain she at least already knows we're sleeping together, I'd much rather stay in her good graces. I can handle losing a bracelet in exchange for…”

She trails off and vaguely gestures to the air between you. 

The thought alone of someone else knowing makes you want to vomit. 

You cross your arms tighter. 

“Why do you think that she knows?”

That evil fucking brow of her flits up when she looks at you like you're an idiot.

“Because you're not quiet, and she's not stupid, and half of Greenwich knows what you sound like when you come.”

You grit your teeth and wonder if it's worth reminding her who came on your fingers while loudly calling your name last night, but when she struts her perfectly bubble shaped ass back over to the bar, you ultimately decide that, no, it is in fact not worth it.

Apparently done with the minor complication of your eagerness and the conversion as a whole, she picks up the drink you'd all but forgotten and holds it out at arm's length, letting it dangle from the mere tips of her elegant fingers. 

“For you, my darling.”

You still haven't figured out exactly what she's playing at when she calls you that, because you know she is never sweet for nothing. You know there has to be a barb in there somewhere. Some sort of slight on your character or something. She shouldn't just call you ‘darling’ for no reason… But for the life of you, when she looks at you like this - like you're the only thing that matters in her broad and expansive world - you can't figure what it could possibly be.

“Gin and… cherries?” you ask when you take the glass and give a tiny sniff of the drink. 

She smiles indulgently and twists away to retake her place behind the bar, and suddenly her grimace from her sip before makes sense.

She hates sweet drinks.

Well.

Unless she's kissing the taste of them from your lips. 

“So is this what we're doing now?” You examine your drink closer. It doesn't look poisoned anyway. “It's this what we've become?”

She hums in question as she picks up a second shaker and stirs the contents. You watch her grab a martini glass and begin to pour her own crystal clear drink and, yes, that's much more her style.

You truly are fucking a master mixologist. Which you suppose is bound to happen considering she's been making drinks for one person or another since the tender age of thirteen…

“My kingdom for some context, darling,” she murmurs when you're too enamored to answer, popping an olive into her glass and taking a healthy sized pull, moaning at the taste.

You down half your bramble in one go and traipse yourself around the back of the bar.

Setting the drink down at her side, you put your empty hands to much better use. Drift your fingers across the soft dip of her back and trace her hips, holding her steady as you press in and drape yourself along the length of her.

“Acting like a vintage married couple,” you clarify in a whisper. You reach up and pull her hair aside to expose the delicious expanse of her neck, and you wonder in what lifetime you actually managed to do something good enough to deserve the way she tips her head to the side to give you more access. 

You mouth slow, wet kisses along the sensitive spot just behind her ear as she sighs, “Is that what this is?”

“You tell me, pretty girl.” You smile against her skin when she shudders at the name. “Waiting for me to come home to you. Having a drink ready. Did you make me a special little dinner to eat as well?”

And you're still getting used to this.

This thing with her you've been playing at for the last couple of weeks. This truce or whatever it is that leaves you so off balance you never know which end is up.

Because you've never had something like this. 

Because where you expect a scoff and a rebuff of your entire charade, she only presses harder into you with a sensual groan. Where you expect her to fling your hands away and shove you off of her entirely as she would have before, she merely sets down her glass, and kisses your lips, and covers your hands with her own.

"Not in your wildest dreams, my love," she whispers with an adoring grin, and kisses you deeper again.

[brucewaynehater101]

WHUMPTOBER 2024: PROMPT #3

Set up for failure, fingerprints, "I warned you"

Brief synopsis: Tim warns Damian. Damian doesn't heed the advice.

“You're telling me that Bruce assigned you this case?” There's a note of apprehension in Tim's voice as his arctic eyes scrutinize his younger brother. Damian scoffs.

“What? Jealous that Father trusts me more than you, Drake?”

“That's not-” Tim's teeth grind together as he tries to halt his automatic response. “Look. Can you just tell me if anyone else knows about this?”

Damian rolls his eyes. “Perhaps you would need assistance with such a meager inquiry, but Father trusts my ability to handle it with ease.”

“So the answer is no.”

Instead of dignifying that with a response, the kid twists on his heel and returns with his perusal of the batcomputer. He needs to analyze the fingerprint and he does not have time to listen to his older brother's whims. Tim doesn't take the hint.

“If you won't let me in on the case, can you at least inform one other person? As long as it's not Bruce, can you please talk to someone about this?”

Emerald eyes peer over Damian's shoulder as he assesses the older man. Evidently not finding what he was searching for, he continues to ignore Tim.

“Please, Damian.”

With a scowl, the kid finally flips around again. “Why are you so insistent, Drake?”

Tim bites his lip hard enough for the skin to turn white. He avoids the other's stare. “Bruce has a habit of utilizing missions, in particular secret ones, to further his own agenda at the jeopardy of whomever he assigned it to.”

An indignant sneer paints the younger's face at the insult hurled towards their mentor. “You may be an unworthy imposter who doubts Father, but I won't. This is why you were stripped of the title that doesn't fit you.”

With that, Damian proceeds to ignore Tim again. Anger thrums within the older brother, but he knows there is nothing he can do to change the other's mind. If there's anything that Damian is, it's a dedicated but stubborn kid.

Part of Tim, the often buried protective instincts he feels for his baby brother, wants to solve the issue for Damian. He wants to drag Dick into this mess or Jason or Cass or even Duke. His fingers itch with the need to reach out to Oracle and double check whether she sanctions it. He could subtly manipulate the situation so Damian never falls to harm and never learns just what Bruce had in store for him.

There's so much Tim could do, but he won't. He shouldn't and he's been working on being better. He has a habit of controlling and managing other people's lives for them. He needs to allow his loved ones to make their own decisions, even if he knows they will regret it. They deserve that respect. Gods know Steph shouldn’t have had to scream it so many times for it to finally sink into Tim's thick skull.

The visceral obligation to fix this claws at walls of his ribs and it rakes at his intestines, but he's getting better at disregarding it.

It will burn Damian and destroy his trust in Bruce, but the older brother will let it happen. For once, Bruce will reap the direct consequences of his actions without Tim dulling or softening their effects.

He'll be there in the aftermath, and he'll be watching in the meantime. If it appears to be going to a point of no return, if Damian is in serious danger, then Tim will stop it. He will earn the kid's ire for that, but Damian's safety is paramount. Otherwise, it will run its course and prove to be a harsh lesson for the kid.

Tim heaves a sigh as his gaze falls away from the younger one. His shoulders droop with a weariness uncharacteristic of Red Robin.

Damian will make his own decisions. Tim will respect that.

~~~

Damian's hands shake both in fury and hurt. He raises his emerald eyes to glare at Drake.

The older’s expression isn't gloating or smug. It's defeated. He peers down at his kid brother with a dejected frown.

Damian drops his gaze to his lap as he tries to clench his fists. “Why?”

An exhale leaves Tim as he shakes his head. “He does this, Dames. I…” The older brother tries to swallow around the tightening in his throat. Brief flashes of a little black box and screaming matches on rooftops come to mind. “I could explain his reasons, but I'm tired. I'm so tired.”

The shaking of Damian's hands increases to his arms and then to his shoulders. His whole form trembles as his lower lip begins to wobble.

Tim moves until he's perched on the bed next to Damian. He allows their shoulders to touch as a subtle form of comfort. When he hears a little sniffle, Tim can't help but to close his own eyes.

The kid’s voice is nearly a whisper and is cracking with emotion. “You knew.”

The older brother could try to defend himself and state that he didn't truly know. He had a hunch. He worried. He suspected. He wasn't sure.

Still, there wasn't accusation in Damian's tone. Just resignation, hopelessness, and the realization that what's happened to him has happened before.

“Yeah.”

The younger brother nods at the confirmation and leans into the older one. Tim wraps an arm around his shoulder.

Neither acknowledge the tears streaming down the other’s face.

[rebelcracker-s]

as much as i love the legendborn fandom sometimes it really sucks to be a selnickbree shipper in here. sometimes you cannot talk about selnickbree without people popping into your notes like "omg no selbree/nickbree needs to be endgame" LIKE I GET IT. YOU DON'T LIKE SELNICKBREE. like you're allowed to dislike the ship but that doesn't mean you have to fight tooth and nail to defend yourself the second it's mentioned. like i think selnickbree is endgame and i don't particularly like selbree but if someone disagrees with me i leave them be! bc that's how it works! there is so much more to this series than what's going to be endgame so why is everyone always beefing over ships???

honestly i'm worried about march because if we do get selnick/selnickbree some of yall are not going to take it well. but like this is tracy deonn we're talking about. let her cook and if you don't like what she's cooking? maybe this series isn't for you.

anyways this isn't directed at anyone in particular i just wanted to yap for a bit

[lanawinterscigarettes]

Hurts So Good || Amanda Young x gn! apprentice! reader

Summary: you ask Amanda for an unusual request that she surprisingly agrees to

Warnings/contains: the reader suffers from poor mental health (specifically depression and anxiety) as well as low self esteem, the reader is mentioned to have a slight fear of sharp objects (particularly blades and knives), self harm (especially in the form of cutting) is both mentioned and acted out here, brief mention of blood, self harm aftercare, the reader and Amanda are implied to develop an unhealthy codependent relationship after the events that take place in this fic, dead dove do not eat

Beginning notes: please heed the warnings on this fic and don't read this if you're not comfortable with the subject matter described above! I wrote this as a way to help me cope with some things I'm going through (which means yes I projected myself into the reader a lot here, sue me) but I understand stuff like this isn't for everyone, hence the dead dove do not eat tag

You always had a strange relationship with self harm, cutting in particular. It wasn't something you really struggled with, but you still couldn't get the thought of doing it out of your mind.

Despite the few times you tried it out in the past, you never felt addicted to the feeling of needing a blade in your hand the moment things went wrong, but maybe that was part of the problem. In all honesty, you were deeply ashamed of yourself because you couldn't handle it. Not the razor in your hand, not the way it felt when cutting into your skin, not the clean-up afterwards.

Self harm was never a physical problem because you were too afraid to take that extra step it would require in order to actually hurt yourself on a regular basis, but that didn't mean the thoughts weren't plaguing you constantly.

You felt like a coward, strangely enough. All because you couldn't bring yourself to even look in the mere direction of a sharp object without flinching, even as you desperately craved the feeling of using self harm as a method to escape.

Amanda didn't have that kind of problem. She welcomed the hurt, the wounds, the pain. She could slice open her wrists with a rusty butcher knife and then patch herself up afterwards without even flinching.

You envied her and the boldness she seemed to have when it came to those sort of things. It wasn't fair that she got to hurt herself like that without so much as batting an eye when you couldn't. You couldn't even use too sharp of a small kitchen knife to cut things with in fear of nicking yourself by accident.

The jealousy you had towards your fellow apprentice and close friend kept bubbling just beneath the surface until one day when it finally boiled over. Amanda was testing out a new trap that she had an idea for while you watched so you could see how it was put together. Although you were supposed to be paying close attention, your eyes kept getting drawn towards the medical bandages she had wrapped around one of her wrists.

"If you're done ogling the place where I cut myself most recently, then maybe you can come over here and help me," her voice suddenly cut through the otherwise silent room, sounding just as sarcastic and snarky as usual.

"Sorry," came your sheepish reply as you moved over to help her set up the trap. Things were quiet for another moment or so before you spoke up again. "Can I... ask you a question?"

The soft grunt of acknowledgement she let out in response was enough for you to know it was okay to continue.

Taking a deep breath, you contemplated how best to ask before finally just blurting it out. "Will you cut me?"

At that, she stopped all her movements and became as still as a statue. You could've sworn she even stopped breathing there for a minute.

"Is that meant to be some kind of a sick joke or something?" She finally questioned, her tone icy as she turned to face you in a stiff and almost robotic manner. Anyone else and she probably would've already threatened them with a long and painful death by now, but the two of you were close enough for her to know you wouldn't joke about something like that.

Still, she found it a little hard to believe that you really wanted what you were asking for.

"N-No, I- I just-" you stammered out, starting to feel your face heat up with embarrassment. "I- I wanted to know what it felt like, y'know? But I- I can't actually bring myself to do it, because I'm too scared."

The gaze of steel on her face softened at your pitiful admission, and she let out a sigh while setting down the tools she was using to put the trap together with. "Look, I get it. You want something to use as an escape, right? You want to be able to forget about it all for a little while."

She wiped the grease from her hands off on a rag nearby before placing them on your shoulders, her touch firm but gentle. "I know how you feel, I do. And if you need some help to feel more at peace with yourself, then... I'll do it, okay? I'll help you."

Her words filled you with both shock and gratitude. Of course you'd wanted her to say yes, but you didn't actually expect her to. "Really?"

One of her hands lifted from your shoulder to your chin, carefully tilting your head back so your eyes would meet hers. "Yes, really. I'll help you with it once we're done here, alright? I promise."

With that, she stepped away and moved to pick up her tools again, redirecting her attention back to the half-finished trap in front of her. "For now, though, we should get this finished up before Hoffman gets on my ass about taking too long," she grumbled under her breath, causing you to let out a quiet giggle.

A little bit later after you'd both finished with the trap and left to head back to your apartment, she kept her promise by pulling out the kit she always carried around with her, the one that you knew held her razors in it.

You watched wide-eyed as she set the stuff up on your small kitchen table. There were several different blades she sometimes used to cut herself with, as well as bandages and antiseptic wipes to clean the wounds after to help prevent infection.

"I understand that you might be feeling a bit overwhelmed," she said while washing her hands in your kitchen sink, cleansing them of any leftover grime that came from working on the trap earlier. "Why don't you start with something small, hm? Something that you think you might feel the most comfortable with."

Taking a deep breath, you nodded before tentatively reaching a hand out and picking up a small razorblade that sat at the edge of the selection. In all honesty, you'd been eyeing it since the moment she set the stuff up, but you didn't immediately pick that one because you didn't want her to think any less of you for choosing the smallest option available.

"There you go," her warm voice encouraged you, sending a comforting shiver down your spine. Amanda was never this gentle with anyone except for maybe John Kramer, the infamous Jigsaw himself, and that was mostly because of the cancer he had ravaging his body. "Do you want to do it in here, or somewhere else?"

"I was thinking my bedroom," you muttered softly while looking down, turning over the small blade in your hand while you spoke. "I feel... safe in my bed, where it's nice and warm."

It was true, as pathetic as it might've sounded. There were very few places you enjoyed being when your depression got really bad, and curled up in your bed underneath the mountain of pillows and blankets you had was one of them.

She seemed to understand your perspective on things and didn't question your response in the slightest, simply responding with a nod of her head as she reached over to grab the bandages and antiseptic wipes from the table. "Lead the way."

Your heart was pounding so hard in your chest it sounded like a death march. Even though you wanted this to happen, you were still scared to experience it.

Amanda could obviously tell how apprehensive you were because she carefully approached you from behind once you entered the bedroom and guided you over to the bed, helping you sit down.

"It's okay. I know this is scary, but we don't have to do a lot today, alright? We can start out with just a little bit, with just a few small cuts." She took a seat across from you on the bed, her soothing words washing over you in a warm embrace. "Hold out your arm, and give me the razor."

You listened to her soft command without protest, obediently holding out your arm to her and allowing her to push your sleeve up enough to display your inner forearm. After that, she took the razorblade from your shaking hand, keeping one hand gently holding onto your wrist and keeping it still while the other held the blade between her fingers.

"Ready?"

A soft little whimper escaped you at the question. You instinctively squeezed your eyes shut and shrunk back from her touch as you felt the sharp blade begin to cut into your skin, tears of both fear and relief welling up in your eyes while it happened.

"It's okay. You're safe here, alright? I'm not going to hurt you any more than what you're comfortable with."

Her voice was like a piece of driftwood that came floating along while you were stranded out at sea, and you clung to it tightly, focusing on that and the way her thumb rubbed soothing circles along the inside of your wrist while she continued to make clean, precise cuts on your otherwise unmarked skin. This went on for a couple of minutes before she spoke again.

"I'm finished. You can open your eyes now."

You hesitantly obeyed, another pitiful noise exiting your throat when you saw the cuts on your arm. There weren't that many, and they were clearly done by someone who was an expert due to the spacing between them and how shallow they were. The blood, however, made you feel a little bit faint.

"I need to clean them now, and this is probably going to hurt more than the actual cuts themselves, so you should brace yourself for that," Amanda stated rather bluntly as she reached for the antiseptic wipes. Before she could say or do anything else, you suddenly shot forward and into her lap, hiding your face in her chest as your hands gripped tightly onto her shirt.

"I don't wanna. It's gonna hurt," you choked out pathetically in response to her words, your tears from earlier coming back full force at the idea of being in more pain.

"Hey, hey," she murmured while wrapping her arms around your body, cradling you in her lap in an embrace that was almost motherly. "Shh, shh, I know you don't. I know that you're scared, but if I don't get these cleaned up then it's just going to potentially cause more problems in the future, so you've gotta let me do it, alright?"

You sniffled like a child that was afraid of the monster living under its bed, obviously not too fond of the idea but knowing ultimately that she was right. "M'kay," you reluctantly agreed, your voice sounding shaky and timid when it came out.

Despite this, you allowed her to take the time to clean your cuts, remaining curled up in her lap throughout the whole procedure (even though you hated the stinging feeling that came from the antiseptic wipes). Once everything was bandaged up nicely, she dipped her head down and brought your forearm up to her lips, placing a soft kiss to the area. "There we go. All better."

A shiver went down your spine at the affectionate gesture, your body melting into hers and becoming limp as you allowed her to tug you close so the two of you could lay underneath the blankets you had on your bed. "I want you to get something small to eat later, just so you don't start to feel a little woozy from the light blood loss."

You hummed in agreement while nuzzling your face into the side of her shoulder. Strangely enough, you'd never felt more at peace than you did right now. You weren't sure if it was the cuts on your arm or Amanda's gentle treatment, but you were happy and content regardless.

No one had ever understood you or connected with you this deeply before she came along. You knew no one else would've been so open to the idea or acted so unjudgemental at your strange request- except for her, and you loved her for it.

You'd let her cut you like this every day if it meant she'd hold you for just a little longer, and if it made you feel this at peace with yourself. You also couldn't deny how addicting the pain was now that you'd actually gotten to try it in a way that felt so... nice, for lack of a better word.

The cuts on your arm might've ended up hurting you, but they hurt so good, and in a way you knew would be difficult to stop craving after this. Not that you cared, because you had Amanda to look out for you, and that alone was enough to make you not regret a single thing.

End notes: this feels a bit different from my usual content but I actually really like this fic and how it turned out so fuck it we ball

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[stay-with-me--always]

I need to take a moment and do a deep dive on the scene where Katniss sits with Gale after he's been whipped vs the scene where Katniss sits with Peeta as they work on the plant book.

Why these two scenes? These scenes in particular I feel like have a lot of similarities as far as Katniss' narration is concerned. They are both scenes where she is alone with either boy in an unrushed, natural environment where she is capable of really looking at them and noticing them both. and in both scenes she IS actively noticing them. it is important to note though, that the tone of these scenes are pretty different, since Gale's is right after he was whipped, and she's still reeling from her intense day. Even so, the plant book scene with Peeta takes place during a time where Katniss has more reason to be worried about her life/family than ever, so I feel like a direct comparison of these isn't too much of a stretch.

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The Gale text in question:

"I touch parts of him I have never had cause to touch before. His heavy, dark eyebrows, the curve of his cheek, the line of his nose, the hollow at the base of his neck. I trace the outline of stubble on his jaw and finally work my way to his lips. Soft and full, slightly chapped. His breath warms my chilled skin." (CF, 116)

The biggest thing to note is the detail in which she describes him. Katniss takes her time and touches Gale's face with her hand, taking in his features. and yet, most of the descriptions are very generic and could adequately be attributed to most anyone's face, including Peeta's. Even the lines where she takes a bit more notice 'his heavy, dark eyebrows', 'the outline of the stubble on his jaw' are pretty vague and don't give much detail into her REALLY noticing him. the most detailed part we get is the last line about his lips.

Let's keep all of that in mind while we contrast that to the lines any Everlark fan probably knows by heart - the eyelash scene:

"I also become a little fixated on his eyelashes, which ordinarily you don't notice much because they're so blond. But up close, in the sunlight slanting in from the window, they're a light golden color and so long I don't see how they keep from getting all tangled up when he blinks." (CF, 161)

In the time it took for her to describe Gale's entire face, she only managed to describe Peeta's eyelashes. the level of detail that she notices about Peeta goes far beyond what she sees about Gale, even in a moment where she's really taking the time to look at him. The description she gives about Gale's face really accentuates her feelings towards their relationship - practical, obvious, concise. Whereas the description for Peeta just highlights what shes been thinking about him all along - interesting, perplexing, alluring. It's clear from those paragraphs that she just doesn't see Gale in the same way that she sees Peeta.

These scenes can be analyzed all day, and I've been busy making notes on the way she describes both boys, to be compiled and analyzed once I've gone through all 3 books, but I feel like these two scenes alone give a very good look into Katniss' mind and what she really sees in each of her boys.