#(< the shit is No Longer Repressed + The Same Shit Happened To Care Now. Rainer's Understandably Pissed)

[playing-pauls-mel0dy]

y'know. at least a couple of times now, i've seen the theory that, potentially, Rainer was another victim of Marvin's (whether that be of rebirthing or just abuse in general). and my brain has decided to latch onto it for some reason.

so uh. There's That.

[defrosted69]

MY Laker Star 3.5 (Huh Yunjin)

Okay this was a request from @dav1233555 that took way, WAY too long so sorry about that lol. also, this preety much answers what had happened why our mc went from Lesserafim to New Jeans

heads up, Its angsty enjoy

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Yunjin moved away from the window glass, watching the sight below her as her feet landed in the elevator. The elevator only kept her busy with her palm on the button because the stillness was so deafening. Her mind keeps replaying the memories till it deafens her. She repressed her tears, feeling the anger in her heart grow stronger. She had just watched her own happiness be chosen by someone else, and she didn't want to cry.

She was aware that all she was doing was convincing herself that your heart was with her. She wanted to think that there was love between you and her, therefore she disregarded the indicators that were in front of her face.

Perhaps there was once love between

Or was it just nostalgic love.

She hurried out of the elevator as soon as the door opened, not even caring that she was drawing stares. Her plate was already piled high with the issues facing both her own group and herself. Right now, all she needed was a safe haven where she could be herself without fear of judgment. However, there is a cost associated with celebrity.

She instinctively followed her legs to the women's restroom, where she noticed her own reflection. Her tears had dried up and formed their own consciousness, cascading down like waterfalls and making her wonder how much of her life she can still manage.

"Shit..."

The only term that could adequately characterize her current state of mind was a quiet growl. She got the impression that her life was being held back by her own transgressions, and that everything she had done up to that point had only made things worse. She was alone with herself, everything was going wrong, and it was suffocating.

Since everyone was against her, she had no one to turn to as her own barricade. There was that performance that everyone chose to pick apart and felt would shatter their self-esteem. Their defenses crumbled and their reputation was damaged. Even their own admirers doubt their ability to be idols. Everything went south after that, causing a ruckus throughout the Kpop business.

When they could not demonstrate why the Silver spoon should have been placed on an idol in the first place, people started to wonder what use it served. People started to wonder if the idols of this new generation had not experienced the same hardships as their predecessors in order to retain the motivation to keep improving and honing their profession. People started to wonder who created and who was merely handed the Silver spoons as more and more organizations appeared around..

As a performer herself, it was a major gut punch for her because, even though you are a performer, having your confidence in yourself undermined by being asked if you are truly one. It's exhausting to consider how many more people joined in to criticize you and how they nitpick all your mistakes.

While the fire was raging fiercely, they were placed on hold and forced into the basement to hide. Although their company made every effort to reduce the heat, the power of the media served as fuel to fan the flames. There are articles popping up everywhere, most of which have no connection whatsoever to the primary issue. And people change sides so quickly.

From loving them to turning against them.

From praising them to bad mouthing them. 

From being loved, to being hated. 

From their perspective, everything they do is flawed, and their words have lost significance. Nothing about them seems right to them. 

When Yunjin looked in the mirror, she could no longer see the girl who had such a deep love for both her followers and herself. Standing in front of the mirror served as a depressing reminder of the frail girl she really was—a girl who tries her hardest to improve but is never successful.

She opened the faucet and used water to clean her face, giving her hands a slight shudder. She detested seeing the shattered and sad girl in her reflection as he rubbed water over her face.

"Why... Why.. Why..."

She repeatedly cleansed and massaged her face, but no matter how many times she does so, nothing will be able to erase the anguish that is written all over her face because all she can do is let the tears fall. She can't get that grimace off her face no matter what she does. 

Making sure there would be no disturbance in this room, she wept quietly by herself in the restroom. She wanted to make sure that her personal issues didn't need to disturb others. Ultimately, this was her own issue to resolve.

She allowed her eyes to speak for a few minutes before covering her identity and the inner turmoil she was experiencing with a mask and baseball cap. She wanted to spend some alone time with herself, but as soon as she left the room, she observed that you and Haerin were holding hands and laughing joyously. 

Yunjin could tell you were happy with her because of the contented and cheerful smile on her face. Upon witnessing the person who brought her joy turn into someone else's happiness, her heart broke into a million pieces.

She feels so hurt by your happiness since it seems like all of your shared memories have vanished from her life. She hurried out of the building, looking down while clutching her headgear. She walked aside, her eyes containing another flood of tears as all she could see was the harsh concrete. She continues to feel so unwelcome in this world with every step she takes.

She did not realize it, though, that she had arrived at the park. The trees were gently swaying in the breeze. People chatting, laughing, and taking in their surroundings. She was undoubtedly in the city park.

She takes a seat beneath a wooden bench and closes her eyes, allowing her heart's story to be revealed by her recollections of the past. 

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FLASHBACK: A FEW MONTHS AGO

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"That's right Y/N. It's not just me who's in love with you..." 

As Yunjin was speaking, Kazuha was informed of his direct messages. Yunjin was already aware that she and the other members of her band had grown fond of you. particularly Kazuha. She was the first to express admiration for you, after all.

She therefore didn't want to seem conceited and ignore her friend and bandmate. Even if Kazuha is already in love with you, she preferred for her to give you a chance. She was open to letting Kazuha have fun while she was with you.  

Since everyone in her group outperformed her in every category, she was already coming to terms with the possibility that she would not even be chosen. Yunjin isn't as flexible or cute as Kazuha or Chaewon. Each of them has an incredible quality, such as her only being able to express her feelings for you in the past.

She called it a trader of nostalgia. Her only tool for winning you over is that, and even she admits that using such tactics was quite pitiful. However, all of her memories of you are in the past, and that's all she has to hold to.  

To her surprise, though, you quickly pierced her heart with a lightning bolt as you closed your phone and gripped her hand. Her pulse was pounding and swaying to the same tune—love—that she was unable to control. 

"Yunjin. I don't need anyone else but you." 

Yunjin was the happiest woman alive after hearing those words alone. She was living out her daydream. She never would have imagined that the story would become true. She wishes she could stop waking up if she was asleep and dreaming right now.

Nothing but herself could sense the love and real delight in her eyes. She was a young woman who was madly in love. She ran to put an end to her feelings and rushed to put her arm around you.  

"R-Really? You mean it?"

"Yes. I mean it." 

She had enough to rejoice over the realization of her dream with just few words. You chose to step back and offer her a smile that said a thousand words when you were both singing songs of love. And you observed that there was still some time left before nightfall and that the sky hadn't yet grown really dark.

So you set up your official date, hoping to see her grin even more and maintain it throughout the day.  

"Let's go on a date." 

"Eh? But it's getting dark and-" 

"Don't worry about it. I got this. After all, I want to see that smile of yours further Yunjin." 

Your remarks made her even redder, if she wasn't already. She was surprised to learn that your flirtatious behavior wasn't all bluster. She gains even more points because the guy she previously thought of had a flirtatious side.  

"Alright. Lead the way" 

You seized her hand and hurried across the crowded Los Angeles streets without even waiting a second. Yujin could only look at you because it seemed like everyone was commenting on the two of you.

It's been stated that when you're with someone you love, everything stops. It's been stated that when you love someone, everything else fades away and your attention is solely focused on them. 

That's what Yunjin was feeling right now. 

One youngster in particular sticks out among the throng of people; he was the one holding her hand and grinning lovingly at her. Yunjin experienced a feeling of being pampered like a princess, and everything seemed like something out of a fairytale.

Their feet stopped at a place you were both familiar with, laughing filling their ears. When they both walked into the restaurant, Yunjin's smile never faded.  

With you visible to the staff's eyes, they immediately all smiled as they know what they should know. 

"You seem known here Y/N." 

"It's my favorite go to restaurant. They make the best food around here in downtown LA." 

"I'll be the judge of that." 

The staff greeted you like you were one of their own employees, and you both laughed. She found that incident to be quite touching because it gave her the impression that you were loved and revered not only for your basketball prowess but also for your enormously compassionate heart.

She was happy that it was paying off since she knew you were always polite and that it was in your nature to be friends with everyone.  

She was a little uncomfortable to be asked who she was because she didn't know what to say. She was getting ready to be referred to as just a friend in front of everyone because she was still a little surprised that she was already your girlfriend. 

"She's my girlfriend." 

Well throw that out the window and call her beloved because with your announcement just made her land into the clouds of nine. Your smile only topped up her dreams as she wished to melt right now at the spot. 

And it continued further when the staff of the restaurant treated the place like their own world. They reserved a seat just for the two of them and even added candles to add to the romantic ambience. 

"They didn't have to go all out." 

"Trust me Jen, I didn't know it too." 

Their hearts were so satisfied with each other that they laughed together. Yunjin thought that everything was too good to be true, and she didn't want the day to end. However, it was evident from her indicators that today was indeed a great day.

She was reminded of their earlier days of simply enjoying each other's company while eating and conversing about uninteresting topics by the meal that was given to them. She appreciates the small things about you, and she's happy that they haven't changed over time. 

After dinner, there was just one more location to show her. You took her hand and led her to a spot overlooking the city without saying a word. a place you learned about while out on your own at night. There were innumerable evenings when you believed no one would ever understand you and you felt alone in the world.

Even though it was far from the city, the effort paid off because the view of the city was stunning and overwhelming once you two arrived. When Yunjin saw the splendor of the city at night, all she could do was softly gasp. The city felt livelier than it did when the sun was out, despite the time. 

"Yunjin. I hope that our hearts will be stringed together forever."

She started crying because she was unable to hold back her happiness when you spoke to her in a sincere and caring manner. She responded by giving you a hug, but all you could hear were muffled cries. Nevertheless, she was still able to speak.  

"I will. I promise to be with you.. Always... I love you" 

Truly it was a great love story that broke down many romance narrative. But that was pointed towards the past and not into the future. 

Because as time went on, our connection, which had previously blossomed, began to deteriorate every moment.

There wasn't even a hint of the smile you so desperately wanted to see on her face right now. It was like winning an award that was locked away.

Yunjin was likewise unable to locate the guy who gives her the feeling of freedom and love and keeps her up at night.  

It was as though a knot in the thread had suddenly become loose, and when they attempted to loop it up once more, it broke.

When their love for one another began to fade in their lives, they were completely unaware of it. That once-strong kindling of fire has faded, turning everything into a miserable ash that is useless on a cold winter's night.  

She found it painful to witness how everything went from being ideal to eventually becoming lost. Simply put, the gestures and spark had vanished. It hurt Yunjin especially since you weren't just a stranger standing in front of their sweetheart, who was simply a stranger they had formerly known.  

You were her friend. 

You were there all the time for her 

You were her wall when she leaped into her destiny. 

You were her once everything turned to nothing. That has completely broken her heart and undermined her self-esteem. And just when things weren't getting any worse, they did, for everyone in her group as well as for her.

That terrible performance was in no way a justification for how she feels about her intimate relationship. Her job as a performer was to take the stage and kill it. Rather, their supporters and detractors slaughtered them.  

This was supposed to be the perfect time to have your shoulder, your voice and your heart for her but where were you?

You were nowhere to be seen. 

She didn't want to get in touch with you because every game matters during the playoffs and you were in that stage. You still reach out to her even if she made the decision to keep her problems to herself. And once more her smile appeared.

But when the voice she was expecting didn't sound the same, it vanished. It had lost its loveliness. Rather, it was the concern-only voice of a friend. She realizes her partner is no longer with her. 

She shouldn't have held onto it for so long considering how long ago it vanished. She was grasping only air, no longer a rope of their affection. She couldn't have imagined losing you, which is why it was so upsetting to her.

It's because of you that she thought love was genuine. She had never experienced pure love this close to him, and she had it with you.  

Sadly, she also lost it to you. 

Because you loved her before she did, did she truly love you? Or did she just tell herself lies to make it seem and feel genuine?

You no longer made the effort or attempt to ignite the spark. You personally witnessed it. That Yunjin you saw and fell in love with then was a different Yunjin. No matter how much you wanted it to, your heart didn't scream her name. It disapproved of the notion.

In an instant, all that has transpired between you and the memories you both shared vanish in the same manner. The affection vanished. 

 

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When Yunjin opened her eyes, she had no idea that the day was coming to a close and that the sky had turned orange. She shed a tear on her left, but didn't give it any attention because she had to go back to her room with her friends.

Her members was the one thing she could always count on, no matter what challenges she encountered.  

In their worst moments, they supported one another. She wouldn't be here at all if it weren't for their support, which enabled her to overcome her personal struggles. In another universe, there's a good chance she lost it and vanished from this world.

However, because she felt the love and concern from her members, it didn't happen in this universe. For her, the fact that they remained together at this difficult time was sufficient to enable her to go on and lead a fulfilling life. Although that might not be the perfect story for her, you know what they say.  

One door opens while another shuts. All you have to do is wait for them to show themselves.

Yunjin took a deep breath and turned to face whatever lay ahead of her. Why should she give up now that she has persevered this far? She moved backward into the arms of her members, whom she might joyfully refer to as..., a slight smile spreading across her face.

her home

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[aingeal98]

More act 2 thoughts but I really do love how this show does generational trauma. The Medardas are the strongest example of this but it's also so clear from this act how Vi and Jinx inherited the worst parts of Vander and Silco respectively.

Vander was a community oriented man with a big picture focus and a dream of freeing his people from oppression until he lost one of the people he loved most and the guilt caused him to turn insular, to prioritise protecting the remaining family above all else because it's all his fault, all his responsibility. Vi started the series rightfully furious at Piltover, made one decision to steal from them, and the knock on effects from that decision left her with so much guilt that all she could focus on was her responsibility to her remaining family. All that mattered was Powder and then Powder died and there's a monster called Jinx in her place and it's still Vi's fault, Vi's responsibility, nothing else matters except fixing her family mistakes.

Except it doesn't work for either of them! By rejecting their principles and drive for justice they fail to protect their loved ones. You cannot sacrifice everything on the altar of protecting your family, not when you're from Zaun. You do not have that luxury and you never will.

Meanwhile Silco and Jinx are in the complete opposite situation. Silco is driven at first by that same community justice as Vander, his dream for a greater Zaun comes from collaboration with his loved ones. But then his loved ones reject him, Vander tries to kill him. And so Silco turns ruthless, amoral, rejecting the community that rejected him. Zaun is no longer a dream of uplifting the entire community but simply a dream of a nation with Silco in charge, no matter how much suffering he must inflict on fellow Zaunites to make it happen. His vision is self centred, focused only on himself, and it's never going to last. You cut yourself off and pretend you're too good to feel except whoops you have a daughter now and those emotions you've repressed will be your undoing.

Enter Powder/Jinx. They're in the exact same situation at the end of s1 act 1, a child who was rejected by the village and will now burn it all down to feel it's warmth. Only unlike Silco and his dream of Zaun, Jinx's only dream is to be valued by her loved ones. But she's the same as Silco when it comes to that insular, self centered drive. In S2 all of Zaun is rallying behind her and she literally does not give a shit! These people mean nothing to her, they never have. Her close personal bubble is all that matters. She pretends she doesn't care about anything to lessen the hurt of being rejected except whoops people are genuinely grateful when she breaks them out, sincerity that she doesn't feel worthy of and doesn't know how to handle. Also congrats you have a little sister now and those emotions you've repressed will be your undoing.

It's kind of fascinating how despite how Vi and Jinx made good progress towards healing in act 2, I don't think either of them have managed to escape the unhealthy mentalities their fathers passed down to them. Nor has Caitlyn escaped the unhealthily mentality her parents passed down to her, although that ones a little more obvious. All this to say shout out to Mel Medarda I'm looking forward to whatever you do in act 3 to defeat your mother. Break that toxic cycle girl you seem to be the only one capable of doing so right now.

[garlandgerard]

i posted this in the 457 community some time ago but i need to make it rebloggable for my emotional wellbeing

imagine you join the games that you host to keep the one rogue player hellbent on destroying your gig in check and prevent him from doing that, and immediately the first thing you do is have yourself chained to him BY THE ANKLE

suddenly you are wholly dependent on this man's capabilities. sure, you won't die because your guards wont kill you, but that would also give the act away waaaaay too soon. so you have to place your trust in this man who you consider to be your archenemy

and not only that: instead of shit being super tense and competitive, everyone starts rooting and cheering for the people undergoing the challenge. suddenly, the atmosphere is fucking infectuous; you find yourself clinging to the man you say is your archenemy, smiling and laughing and cheering whenever a group of people passes the challenge and lives

you enter the games to keep an eye out for this man who wants to destroy you and the first thing you do is genuinely become his friend

in-ho is such an interesting character because this suddenly brings out all of the repressed humanity he had within him. suddenly he is no longer the front man, but a part of something worthwhile. a part of something that cares

and then what? the games can't really end, can they? because that would mean everything you've worked to gain is lost. it would mean that you would have to face that you are a monster

and yet, he wants to be part of it. he wants gi-hun to be right because it would mean he could redeem himself. he doesn't want to be a monster, but feels like this is all he has left. he has no other purpose anymore than to perpetuate the violence that took everything away from him, because ultimately, what he did to get there makes him no better than he is now (in his eyes)

even before in-ho became the oppressor, his hands were stained with the blood of people just like him. he won that awful prize money not because he did something outstanding, but because everybody else died. and gi-hun is the same way; he too feels like he cannot return to a normal life after the games because he similarly feels like a monster, being the only person left alive after 455 others just like him died

but both of them want to be able to move on. that's why gi-hun wants to destroy the games. if he destroys the whole organisation and makes sure they never happen again, perhaps that will be enough to balance out all the guilt he feels over those that have died for him, because of him

in-ho has resigned himself to becoming the oppressor because to him, there was no way to clean his hands. he has seen just how low humans are willing to stoop for money, and has convinced himself that what he's doing is right

...but somewhere, somewhere he wants to walk away from this dreadful cycle. because that same cycle took him away from his wife and child; it took people away from their families and friends

[sa1808fi]

Guhhh thoughts on Emmet himself saying in tlm2 that the reason he struggled with "getting tougher" was because he heavily struggles to cope with change.... and subsequently subcontiously misses the simplicity of living in Bricksburg despite having learned what it really was (totalitarian dystopia with the careful disguise of a utopia)....

You ever think about how much more tragic Rex becomes with that revelation...

I think that despite how aggressively Rex sticks to his new personality and lifestyle, there's always going to be something in him that misses what life was like before. That ignorance to the world around him and how people treated him was what kept him going, following the instructions.

Once Emmet learns about the existence of master builders, he has to deal with the fact that the ignorance he's lived in his whole life kept him blind to a lot of things. The system he obeyed and believed was actually repressing a lot of people, whole other worlds existed, and there was some kind of other realm that only he could see.

That's a lot of shit to throw at a guy in one day.

And yet Emmet manages to roll with all of the insane stuff happening to him pretty quickly. He comes up with a replacement for a broken wheel, saves them all from drowning with his double decker couch, comes up with a good plan to infiltrate Octan (That ended up being closer to winning than any other plan), and he even manages to talk down Business to stopping his evil plan!

Emmet is finally happy because he managed to find his sense of self between all that chaos. He's a master builder, The Special, and he has friends now!

Then Apocalypseburg comes along. Those instructions that his whole life revolved around don’t exist anymore (at least not as intensely), Lucy and everyone else got sucked into the tough-gritty mentality that everyone else took on.

Emmet never cared to change like that himself. Surfer Dave wanted to be Chainsaw Dave instead? Ok cool, Emmet's still gonna treat him the same as always.

Emmet is perfectly content with doing whatever he wants now, and he no longer feels the need to go along with everyone else because he has friends that care about him now. And something about the aggressiveness of the apocalypseburgian lifestyle isn't that appealing to him.

Now, everyone treats him as an outcast for not fitting in compared to the previous complaints of him being 'too normal'. Emmet ignores these comments because he's fine with his life. He still listen's to 'Everything Is Awesome', greets people on the street, and lives in his own little world, ignorant to the world around him.

Then his friends get kidnapped, he meets Rex, and he has to face his worldview being shattered again.

He finally starts acting tough because Emmet now believes if he doesn't, then he can't save anyone.

And then it turns out the guy he spent the whole time trusting is this future version of himself that got abandoned by everyone he was currently trying to save.

That HURTS man.

And that's not even going on how Rex is feeling. The man has to come face to face with a younger more naive version of himself that hasn't faced the horrors he had.

Rex has to deal with this version of himself that still talks about Apocalypseburg fondly, and thinks back to his friends without any hatred.

How Rex feels about his past homes will change depending on the timeline.

During the 5 years in Undar, Rex slowly came to the 'realization' that none of his friends actually wanted to come and find him. He's left there to just look back at all of his good memories as a way to pass the time.

However, once the knowledge of his 'uselessness' sinks in, those rose-tinted glasses are ripped away from him. All of the mistreatment he suffered in Bricksburg and Apocalypseburg is going to slap him in the face.

Right out of Undar and until the events of the second movie, he doesn't look back at Bricksburg, or even Apocalypseburg with bittersweetness. It's just rage. He does his best to just keep it out of his mind because he's trying to focus on his plans, but when it does engulf his thoughts?

All he can remember is the betrayal, the constant side comments, the attempts to make him change himself. All of that just fans the firey rage that's settled into his heart.

The second movie is the first time in years that he's had to actually face his past as Emmet. Until then it was just occasional outbursts at the thought of either place or people.

So here's Emmet, the him that hasn't been scarred by the unfairness of the world. The him that still lives in that blissful ignorance. The him that believes people care.

Rex changed himself until he was practically unrecognizable (Even to himself), because he was running under the logic that if he didn't, then he really was useless.

He took up an adventurous lifestyle, pulling off dangerous stunts to further distance himself from the safe way he used to live. The fucker decided to go to the past to get velociraptors because he thought it would be cool.

Still, some tiny part of him longs for the days when he lived in naivety, when the knowledge of how the world actually works didn't weigh down on him, when he didn't have to grapple with the fact that people didn't like him.

But alas, He's seen too much at this point.

‘ignorance is bliss’ and all that jazz.

[taradiddled]

"Money doesn't mean shit."

"Oh, it sure fucking does, babe."

"Not if Lucifer were to decide, tomorrow, that the monetary value of the Hellbuck was zilch, and that Hell will now operate on a trade and barter system."

"The system can still be exploited. Just amass all the fucking shiny shit and gold and jewels and you've got the perfect recipe for Greed, right there!"

"And if those things were made to be constantly available, without expectation needing to be returned? Things that aren't backed by the incentive of growing profit? And things that can help satisfy basic needs without creating an immediate desperation for more when it is readily available for free use?"

"Fucking impossible. Would never work."

"Even if we were to seize the wealth of the most filthy rich of Hell's citizens and use it to fund programs that lower the emphasis on wage labor, and prop up a focus on Gross Domestic Happiness, compared to general GDP?"

"...still wouldn't fucking work."

"Dismantling the corporate monopolies, refining the level of care going into product production where sustainability and lasting use is held above ensuring an inevitable replacement with something more costly, and just as replaceable?"

"You'd be putting a fucking LOT of poor fuckers out of work by doing that."

"When they will be receiving the support and necessities to enable them to survive without committing to hard labor?"

"And just WHO will be supporting them? It sure as fuck won't be ME!"

"Why would we need your support, when the dismantling of monopolies, the seizing of noble wealth, and investing of that wealth into programs to help support the populace, will inevitably drain your own accounts, since you'll no longer be receiving a cash flow from the now de-nobled elite you used to increase your capture rate?"

"...you're fucking with me. You're full of shit. There is no FUCKING WAY that I'd let that happen."

"You can whine and bitch all you want, but I know, FOR FACT, that your power is connected to Lucifer's, and by default, that means he has some definite fucking say on how you operate. It doesn't take a genius to figure that, if Lucifer were to one day decide to cut you off COMPLETELY, you'd be deep in the shitter. And while he let you run your ring and your stooges as you fucking pleased for the last thousands of years, I've got the King of Hell's favor in my corner."

"Favor? What FAVOR? You're just some whore that can easily be replaced by any of the other MILLIONS of whore in Hell! You're not special, bitch, and don't fucking delude yourself into thinking you are. You might have Lulu's dick in your hand now, but anyone else can EASILY do the same."

"I'll be sure to let His Majesty know your feelings on this matter, as well as your confidence in his inability to decide things for himself. I'm certain that will go over well. ESPECIALLY with the implication added that you think you know better than the King of Hell, and are suspected of gunning to supplant him on the throne."

"I said NO FUCKING THING, you bitch!"

"But you ARE implying that the King of Hell cannot think for himself, implying that YOU believe YOU know better."

"You're twisting my fucking words. Putting words in my fucking mouth."

"But they taste just about right, huh?"

"...he could never totally repress me."

"It's not just Lucifer you'd need to worry about, Mammon. I've also got the future Queen of Hell interested in this solidarity economy, and she's already making moves that are sending ripple effects throughout the rings. I'm sure you've felt them."

"Kid's good, but she's not up to snuff just yet. There's still a lotta push-back. Talk about taking her out--."

"From who?"

"What?"

"Who has been talking about 'taking her out'? That's a threat on the life of the Princess of Hell, the future Queen of Hell, and should be treated with extra fucking scrutiny."

"It's just general talk. The kind of shit that ALWAYS gets thrown around in Hell."

"But you heard it from SOMEWHERE. And as a recipient of His Majesty's Hellish power, and ally to Hell's Royal Family, you are duty-bound to inform the King when you hear, or suspect, there is a threat to the Royal Family. If you're found to have had information PRIOR to an attempt made on the Royal Family, you will, by Hell's legalese, be found culpable of advantageous ignorance, and probably even some High Treason for funsies."

"..."

"SO! About those programs the Royal Family would like you, and your corporate wealth, to invest in..."

[kafkaoftherubble]

185.2章：放下？还是压抑？可贺，抑或可悲？

// Chapter 185.2: Detachment v. Repression

This ramble concerns To Your Eternity manga Chapter 185.2. It is edited from a conversation between (yea you guessed it) @bestbonnist and me after the chapter dropped before I had to hastily run off because sorry gotta see shits with my Besto Furrendo! Lisan al-Ghaib! Lisan al-Ghaib!!!

Although this chapter is devoid of hype moments—unlike C184.1 where plenty of us were sent into a frenzy— and good old macabre, this is genuinely one of my favorite chapters to date.

Because it became a really nice philosophical discussion between friends. Sounds a tad cheesy when I say it like that...

(1) Two Different Perspectives on Fushi's Latest State of Mind

Ray expressed dismay that Fushi's coping mechanism seems to gave become even more terrible because they are essentially repressing their emotions. They are telling themself not to feel anything and to be detached. In the Wish Era, Fushi seemed to have become more resigned to their fate, which became starkly apparent when contrasted by the Doll and Andy's loud, outward desire to see Abel live.

That dismal observation actually stunned me—because I happened to see this development in a positive light. What better state of mind should Fushi aspire to attain apropos to their immortality... if not a state of non-attachment? After all, if they don't learn to be so, then the sheer impermanence of life will torment them forever. To me, non-attachment—or in a more English-natural manner of speaking, detachment—is a goal worthy of pursuing, even if it is often fraught with erratic instances such as mistaking "repressing one's emotions" as similar to "being genuinely unperturbed."

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(2) The Benefits of Attachment

In this story's universe, attachment keeps a person's faie (their soul) around.

Hence, to Ray, Fushi's loss of attachment implies their death (which I agree is a reasonable projection for the end of this story). When they no longer have anything to do—no goal—then it is time for them to move on.

But more than that, there's this other thing Ray is worried about. The manga asked whether Fushi is human, especially in its earlier exploration. Whether they think they are human. Therefore, it's hard to see Fushi's detachment as anything other than dehumanizing themself ("I'm not human so I don't deserve to be attached/feel bad when people I care about die.") It's one step to Fushi's progression into becoming a deity at the expense of their humanity.

This prospect is upsetting because they wanna see Fushi leave as a human being, as someone who dies after living a satisfying life like Yuuki did.

Ray also argued that there's a difference between acceptance and detachment. "Acceptance is acknowledging that something is out of your control and acknowledging that the way you feel about that." To them, Fushi seemed to have acknowledged that something was out of their control, but they hadn't yet acknowledged their feelings toward it.

Then, they conceded that while Fushi was frank about being pained by people leaving, ultimately, the dude seemed deadset on trying to ignore that pain altogether. "Fushi isn't good at being 'above' feeling things!"

I agree with this. Of course, they aren't! One of Fushi's powers is supernatural empathy. They can't ignore the sensation of pain or (occasionally) love in their vicinity even if they try. Feeling shit is what they do, willingly or not. And from an emotional connection like that, one easily forms attachments.

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(3) The Common Error: Mistaking Detachment with Apathy

Strangely, at that point in our conversation, it became clear that Ray thought Fushi should not be detached because it stops them from accepting death—while I think Fushi should learn to be detached because it helps them to accept death. Same destination, but different ways of assessing detachment as a path.

Now, of course, when I use the term "detachment" or "non-attachment" (preferred), I'm once again drawing it from a Buddhist philosophical perspective. Because dude, it's me, 睿得失。You fucking signed up for this the moment you talk to me, bwaahhahahahaha!

Even Buddhists, born and raised, often make the mistake of conflating "equanimity," which non-attachment encourages, with "apathy."

One of the four sublime qualities (brahmavihārā), equanimity (upekkhā) is the state of being unwavering and unperturbed even in the face of loss and gain [1], good-repute and ill-repute, praise and censure, and sorrow and happiness. Its far enemies—as in, its direct contrasting vices—are greed and resentment. But its near enemy—the quality mendaciously close to equanimity—is apathy.

[1] Just a little aside: this is why I joked that Fushi should take up my self-given Chinese name in our conversation. 睿得失 means "being wise (about one's) gain and loss." The hope of attaining some semblance of upekkha is built into the name already.

Plenty of people think being detached means being uncaring and indifferent, and that it has some elements of dehumanization to it—be it to other people or to yourself. But it's not. Being detached is to keep a balance between concern and coercion. It's expressing compassion while being mindful not to conflate your genuine care with your desire to will things and people to bend to the state or situation you wanted.

Fushi and us mortals could easily realize one fact about life: it is truly impermanent. The desire to impose our will on the universe—as if there is some supernatural feature to our will that can influence things to happen—is a source of agitation. Life doesn't bend to our will; it indifferently stays impermanent even when we demand it to be permanent in some sort of personal bliss.

In Buddhist thought, it's our actions and intentions that impart changes. Our will (and our demanding desires) don't. We'll revisit this in our 5th Chapter later.

In other words! Contrary to Ray's interpretation, I see being detached not as imposing a limit on your compassion but liberating it from constraints. Now that you're detached, your mode of compassion is centered around the situation and people as they are, not as you hope them to be. True compassion asks for nothing in return—not because you suppress your demands, but because you genuinely have none to begin with.

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(4) Fushi's Laudable Baby Steps

What really made me think that Fushi had grown here was their insistence that whether Abel lives or dies is "his decision to make."

Not Fushi's, despite their god-like powers. Not Doll or Andy, despite their love and attachment to Abel. It's Abel's choice. All Fushi can do is to accept whatever the man says—and that acceptance is only possible if they begin practicing detachment. After all, attachment results in the reactions Doll and Andy expressed.

To me, Fushi is taking a step in the right direction already. This is the kind of wisdom I think an immortal, most of all, should gradually pick up (I also think mortals like us should, too, but that's beside the point).

Here is where I think Ray's criticisms warrant merits in my interpretation: Actually practicing detachment/non-attachment is hard as fuck. I wouldn't deny that though it doesn't make you an apathetic non-human, you're not gonna be very normal-humanlike if you manage to be equanimous either. While learning to be detached, one often takes up a lot of problematic tactics and mistakes it to be detachment.

One such misguided tactic? Suppression of emotions. You force yourself to pretend you're not feeling anything instead of facing them and realizing their falsity while believing you're being detached. So Ray's concerns are completely warranted, because I don't believe Fushi has consummated their learning either. They wouldn't have lied about the massacre if they were really that detached.

Repressing your emotion, as a tactic, is wrong, but it is the hallmark of someone who's trying to get there, especially when you compound it with the philosophy Fushi was articulating. They care. But they are also being clear-eyed about the limits of their demand.

I don't think they seem resigned here. I think they are being wise. Baby steps, and their method is imperfect, but good nonetheless.

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(5) Yuuki the GOAT and His Biggest W Yet

Fushi grappled with wanting to impose their will to make others live as long as they in the Modern Arc, right? That's one of their biggest and most constant sources of dukkha (dissatisfaction/suffering). But Yuuki's satisfying death and life... actually steered him in the right direction!

Fushi didn't come to earn detachment because of some horrible, tragic death turning them jaded and cynical. They learned because Yuuki's life and death were that fucking good.

Learning philosophy from pain is all well and good. It is usually how people learn it (few would give a fuck about existentialism or Buddhist philosophy or stoicism or what-have-you if they weren't in a personal crisis). But learning philosophy from joy is a whole other thing. Whatever you learned from that instance has no hint of jadedness and cynicism to corrupt your thinking; it's like making a decision when you're at the most optimal state.

This is Yuuki's victory. He influenced and taught Fushi without giving him pain or trauma to live by. He was not some main character of a tragedy despite outwardly looking like a bumbling normie.

Think about it: none of the Immortals who were attached to Fushi, until now, had been capable of influencing and teaching them without accidentally leaving some grief, pain, and trauma!

Why does Fushi take on Yuuki's form so much lately—if not because Yuuki is the only one who managed to teach them without the use of pain or trauma or anything like that?

And as Ray pointed out, Yuuki was the form embodying "Peace." Even his death was offscreen and peaceful. On a bed, unpoisoned and unhurt. Fushi remembers him constantly because he makes them feel at ease.

"It's our actions and intentions that impart changes," that was what I mentioned in Chapter 3 of this long-ass ramble. Here it is exemplified. People inherit the fruits of other people's actions (and you yourself are one of those who will inherit your own actions, too). And well? These are the fruits of Yuuki's actions that Fushi continues to reap even now.

That's how complete Yuuki's W is. He managed to leave just the kind of food for thought for an Immortal that eventually set them up to grasp the kind of wisdom they lacked. Who says the Modern Arc has no lessons?

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(6) Conclusion, or The Abrupt Ending of a Conversation

As you can tell, I really don't think Fushi's latest development is bad. Bittersweet and a bit of a mixed bag, sure, but I ultimately think it's commendable rather than worrisome. Of course, my ass interpreting things through a Buddhist lens has a lot to do with it, but brutha, this is exactly my niche! You should have seen me talk about non-self vis-a-vis Fushi in a YouTube comment section!

Ray did leave this paragraph that had eluded me because, again, the Muaa'dib was calling me and I really gotta go:

"I have a potential counter-argument for you, which is about how Fushi's ideal person to follow is kind of a mix of Yuuki (as you explained) and Kahaku (bag of mess and you haven't read that part of the present era anyways), which is putting the concept of detachment together with a really selfish kind of selflessness (as we talked about). But I'm not clear on whether that's still there after their fight with the left hand. I feel like it's lingering a little but I haven't seen much evidence for it in the wish era."

Now, I don't really know what that whole bit was like because I didn't actually read all of the Modern Arc—just the latter half. But again, "detachment" and "self-lessness" are complementary and forward-feeding to one another in Buddhist Philosophy, so on this concept alone, I don't see a clash.

I should probably clarify what Ray's "selfish kind of selflessness" meant here, but... I'm kinda tired now. And I've briefly touched on this in my essay about... Gojo Satoru, goddamn it.

Or maybe Ray should explain it themself! I distinctly remember someone owing me like, 3 essays or something. I'm such a kindhearted person I'm willing to give them a discount and accept just one essay for this week, though. Don't squander it, you!

Thank you for reading my ramble.

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Did you enjoy this? If yes, wouldn't it be really fucking cool if you get to read essays and commentaries like these, alongside fanfic and fanart and other interesting bits, in one place?!

BECAUSE! We are thinking of starting a To Your Eternity zine! It's merely in its Interest Check phase, but you gotta fill this form up so we can see just how many people in our modest little fandom want this! Be a supporter or a contributor, it don't matter at this stage! Support is the currency here!

[beanghostprincess]

Usopp finds out what happened on wci and feels incredibly hurt and heart broken by it but also wants to comfort him after finding out about his family treatment twords him.

He feels so conflicted because he knows why he did what he did. Marry pudding protecting them from big mom but at the same time what about him? Did he even think about him when proposing to pudding? was he just content with leaving him without an explanation? He was just going to have to find out in the newspapers 'vensmokes and big mom alliance. Prince marries the daughter big mom'

He never confronted him about it. He did it to keep him and the rest of the crew safe, that's a good enough reason. His personal feelings went unchecked, repressed and shoved down like usual as he goes back into their normal routine as a couple. tho he thinks about it a lot especially in bed whether sanji is falling asleep first or he is getting up first it's even worse when they're intimate. He just stares wondering what would have happened if he did marry another and left him.

I am actually currently writing a fic in which they talk about WCI, but it's more Sanji-focused and I personally love Usopp's POV in this situation. Leaving my fic aside, another idea I've thought about thanks to your ask is like,, Sanji talks to Usopp right after Wano. Not that they have time to do so when they get there after WCI, and Sanji isn't really in the best place mentally. So they talk once Wano is saved, etc etc etc. And,, Usopp takes it well because, how else is he going to take it? It's not really Sanji's fault and he was the one suffering the most. Usopp has this uncontrollable rage toward the Vinsmokes now too. He hates Big Mom even more now. He even feels guilty now for telling Sanji to wear the Raid suit and complimenting it when it was hurting him so much. Sanji is literally in pieces right now. He needs comfort after what he's been through, not to feel more guilty. So Usopp doesn't mention the fact that he's a bit, tiny angry at Sanji for acting on his own. It's not like he has any right to be offended. He didn't even go to WCI to save him because he was scared to see what he might find there and Nami told him that being so overwhelmed with emotions wouldn't help either. But he didn't go save him, and that kills him with guilt. So he doesn't mention how jealous he is of this random girl. He doesn't mention how unfair it is that Sanji decided to marry somebody else without even taking him into consideration. He doesn't mention how scared he is of losing Sanji again, because he's willing to sacrifice himself at any given moment, and that means he never thinks about how much that would kill Usopp. Sanji's stupid and Usopp knows this because the cook doesn't see how much he means to him, so he will go and pull shit like this. And he can't have him doing that again, but if he starts talking about this instead of only comforting it, he's scared he might say something stupid like "Did you ever think about me when you were with her?" because if Sanji says no, Usopp literally dies. And also, he finds it selfish because Sanji has already gone through hell and back for them. He doesn't need another burden to carry.

But Sanji notices, of course. Sanji notices the changes in Usopp once he tells him about WCI and what happened in Wano. And it's,,, It's not bad, per se, it's actually really sweet. Instead of pushing him away, Usopp is even tenderer with him. His caresses are longer. His kisses linger more time in his body. His hands are more careful with Sanji. Usopp stays up to watch him fall asleep while he holds him close. And- And it should be okay, right? It's comforting and nice and Usopp has never been more of a gentleman with him. And Sanji needs this now. Somebody who loves him. But Sanji notices it in the way Usopp looks at him, not in the way he holds him, that something is wrong. That his eyes speak words his body won't say. So he confronts Usopp about it one day. Careful not to overstep. Trying not to hurt him more than he already has. He asks what's wrong, and Usopp tries to play it off like it's nothing. Because "it's nothing, really, Sanji. Don't worry!" but Sanji does worry. And after some back and forth, he manages to make him talk.

I'm gonna skip all the previous conversation because I think you already know how it goes. Usopp starts slow and sweet and says that it's okay. That he understands why Sanji did what he did, but it was unfair for him to get married without telling him. Even if he was doing it to save them. That he didn't think about his feelings. Sanji tries to fix it, but he only gets defensive and keeps saying that it was the right thing to do. Usopp, on the other hand, is starting to get mad too because:

Usopp: The right thing for who?! For me?! Don't you dare say you did it for me because- Sanji: Yes, I did. I did it for you! For all of you! I couldn't have the Vinsmok- Usopp: I think we've been through enough for you to stop trusting us so quickly, Sanji. Sanji: What do you mean? Usopp: I mean I- I mean you think so little of yourself you're willing to give your life away without thinking about me! I mean- Us! Us. The crew. Fuck. You know, you could've trusted us. We could've- Sanji: We?! You weren't even there! Usopp: Oh, sorry for not wanting to see my boyfriend get married to some random, rich, spoiled brat! Sanji: Don't talk about Pudding like that. Usopp: So she's one of your specialest girls now. I see. Sanji: What the fuck are you talking about? She's just- She's just not like that. Usopp: Well, you were willing to marry her pretty fucking quick. That's what I know. Sanji: I was protecting you- Usopp: Or giving up. You were giving up. And it just- It just makes me wonder if you ever,, Sanji: What? Usopp: If you ever thought about me while you were there with her? It's stupid. I- Look, jealousy isn't my thing. This doesn't sit right with me either. I'm- God, I'm sorry, okay? I get that you did this because- Sanji: Are you dumb? Usopp: What?! Sanji: Why am I asking? Of course you are. Because if you weren't so damn stupid you'd know I was thinking about you the whole fucking time. Do you really think I wanted to get married to somebody else, pretty girl or not, I- She wasn't you. I didn't- I don't love her. I didn't want to marry her. Usopp: But you were going to do it- Sanji: Okay! Whatever! Yes! I was going to do it and I felt like shit every fucking second because she wasn't you! Do you really think I want to get married to somebody that isn't you, moron? Usopp: Wait, what? Sanji: I- Usopp: You want to marry me?? Sanji: ... No. Usopp: Say it again. Sanji: Usopp, please-

Yadda yadda yadda, I think you know what happens after this. I think they should and would get married right away. Well, not right away because Sanji needs his cute little wedding with the Strawhats but,, Yeah. They're engaged. And they're even more annoying than when they were just boyfriends.

[rineedagger]

Some things I've come to terms with about myself.

– I'm an introvert. It is what it is and won't fight it, test it nor find a middle ground any longer.

– Not shy at all though. Just annoyed and anxious when I'm require to peopleying and I'm not in the mood.

– Yes, my face pictures my emotions. If I'm bored, sad, happy, bubbly, angry, scared, tense...you're gonna know.

– I dissociate with such ease, it's ridiculous. And I have a very bad relationship with dissociation. But I've come to accept that's my brain letting me know something has triggered my most outstanding ability (fleeing). Could be boredom (a huge trigger), maybe values, limits, fear, aggression, emotional overload, etc.

– Definitely not the life of the party. Yes, very smiley and bubbly but not the soul of happiness and joy. People on sight means to remain composed, even if slightly. Neither to talk about how I'll find a way to run away from any social situation. Because, altho I'm a little gremlin with disastrous tendencies, that's only for me to see. (No golden retriever here. A black cat, a racoon, a raven or the crazy type of wolfey? Maybe).

– I'm a scaredy cat yall, I fear breathing. Yet I'm sooo curious about everything...

– Yes, I have love languages and God decided them to be physical touch and acts of service. I usually know when I grow fond for someone because I break my safety bubble frequently and because the moment someone needs anything I feel a sense of duty that goes above anything else in my priority list.

– I'm sooooo lazy ( and I love it). I treasure it like a champ. Hate the vision society have on worth. It is almost like we are what we produce and do all the time and that is why I choose to be a nobody: to do NOTHING. And by that I mean: time for myself, my hobbies, my shit, my tempo, my rules. MY BUBBLE.

– You have to earn my honesty. Period. And there will be shit I won't talk about with anyone. Because the only person who has gained my total authenticity and honesty, is myself lol. So yeah, I'm used to be "out of context" to people.

– My perception of life differs from what's around me at least. I don't feel it that unusual, though. Animals and nature have taught me that the moment you're alive, you're living; however you choose, however you can and however you're allowed. The same goes with how we perceive time, morals and the pursuit of happiness shit.

– MY emotions overwhelm me. I tend to write things like my heart will bleed beyond repair, or this rage will be my forever chains but there is actual truth in it. Ever since THE major event, I blocked my emotions and went autopilot for almost half my life. And now, while life keeps happening, I have to feel everything I repressed. And no, it is not just feeling like shit, it is actually painful, physical, very distressing and constant. So yeah...brain chemistry completely altered.

– I force myself to be completely independent because I truly believe no one will ever care enough. And if there's something my teen self learned is that: the only person there for you, is yourself. And I'm fine with it, I'm not going to fight it any longer.

– And finally but not less important, I think it is pretty evident my underdog feelings. I see myself more alien than human. And the irrational but complete truth that I'm a shameful living unlovable creature. Still, I don't feel it in the dramatic sense, but more like in a "this is what it is, you gotta learn how to move with this on your shoulders, kid. Or you won't make it".

And that's pretty much it. XXX

[anemcia]

𝐑𝐏 𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃 𝐖𝐈𝐒𝐇𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 🌊✨

//Listing these in no particular order, but I will be ranking them from 1-10 on how much I'd want to get a thread going. Some I've had cooking for ages, others I'm simply spit-balling. Regardless, I'd love to collaborate and improve upon them where we can make it equally enjoyable. Without further delay, I present my brainworms.

🌊✨ Bad Ending Cyto (AU name pending) 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

I love the idea that he's been so scorned by humanity, so bitter and resentful, that he decides their fates are no longer theirs to control. He embraces a newfound resolve as someone who can reform Earth's society, taking the proverbial reins of by force. He soon trains with purpose; preparing to eliminate all who would pose a threat to his ideals until every target of comparable power are all eliminated. With the Z fighters and allies out of the picture, his vision would begin to manifest with great success. Earth's leaders give up their positions without a fight, appointing Cyto as the planet's one and only King. A crown, and lengthy robes, he certainly looks the part.

While he would see the growth of resistance forces rise, there were legions of humans who had sworn their utmost loyalty, believing in his message for change in a world that was suffering so much without him. To protect everything he cares for, Cyto fights to maintain a new order that prevents further damage to the Earth and his citizens. His armies and supporters grow significantly as he makes his voice known to the world, promising to make a difference that no one else could provide. Anyone who denies his message or attempts to dismantle his position will be killed, invading territories and seizing power without the usage of his own energy. His vision is slowly but surely corrupting, potentially leading to disaster if he's pushed too far.

Maybe someone closer to him sees what's happened over the years? Do they join his conquest, or attempt to convince him that his path is war-torn and bloody? Become his queen? Make it romantic? It sounds dramatic, fun, and vivid. I want a piece of that pie, but would LOVE to collab the idea a bit further for a clearer look at the AU.

🌊✨ Fire Emblem AU / Pokémon AU 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

Feel it in my bones to dabble into other fandoms without leaving this blog. I'm really into these games and to branch out and build lore for any of my muses in their respective AU's would be very fun in theory, but I think testing would be needed to make this work. Ideally with someone who's already familiar with these series (especially FE) but it's just a thought.

🌊✨ Amnesiac Cell threads (Just... More Cell usage in general) 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

I'll just be outright and say YEAH I do need to play with my bug husband more, but part of the reason I reset the blog was to get a chance for people to essentially talk to a Cell that doesn't have the slightest clue who you are to him, why he should care / be worried, and kinda pick at his strange brain while he's vulnerable to all who speak with him. Honeydew's presence is sometimes necessary as to not just let anyone blow him up in one go, but having 1v1 convos is the way to go. In fairness, even in normal threads, my Cell will probably never be the same memory wise, but it's just even more fun to mess with him when he's PEAK struggling with his identity and repressed fears.

🌊✨ ANY VIOLENT THREAD 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

Not that I'm begging or anything, but uhh... I think it would be really cool if some of ya were to torture any of my muses. Honey in particular, I'm always down for her to fight through shit and get shit on physically and mentally. She deserves it on the basis that she's built to take these punishments a LOT better now compared to a few years ago, and maybe I also want a little bit of toxic shippin' on the side. Make her vulnerable! Break her! Let her bite a few fingers off! Get some bloody smooches in. Don't care man, let me have this I'm an awful human.

🌊✨ Adventure / Mystery / Hurt + Comfort / Shipping threads 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

Honestly? Any of these are my jams. Give us something to discover on an adventure! Solve a mystery that might be affecting one or both of our characters with dire stakes. Let us have our characters grieve together for whatever might be affecting them. And, of course, my mushy gushy favorite of softer romance between our muses. Gentle touches, kisses, whispers and holding each other got me on the edge of my seat a lot of the times.

🌊✨ Any AU's that we plot together 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

I've talked a lot about collabing here, but lets get down to the bigger stuff. You, me, and the world we craft TOGETHER to make something truly special. Not just something I've put together on my own and inviting you, I want just as much ideas from ya'll too! I want to make it unique to us in the sense that there isn't anything like it with anyone else. You're just as excited as I am about it, something we can be proud of. I'll admit that this makes me nervous (as I'm terrible and take the steering wheel A LOT) but... Know that I just want to make something special together. Maybe it's a lot to ask, maybe it isn't, but I want to make our AU fun and exciting. Any genre, any setting, doesn't matter. Bonus points for shipping, but that's me being selfish.

[fantasylover145]

While I don't think Eddie treats Buck like a child, I do agree!! Buck has made some terrible mistakes in his relationship especially with Taylor and when Eddie was moving. Like I honestly don't think Taylor should of taken him back but Buck constantly proves how much he is willing to do for the people he cares about over and over again. Also, while Buck still has his insecurities and can act out at times and even accidentally hurt the people he loves, he almost always not only apologises but shows up for them and provides them with what they need the most, especially with Eddie. He has grown so much in his maturity, his relationships with the 118 and with his romantic partners.

But Eddie is constantly on this hamster wheel of not evolving, he lies, runs away & treats his partners like shit. He may not be mean or cruel to them in anyway but he puts them in this mother/wife role, which feels inherently sexist since he never bothers getting to know them, hardly shows interest in them and almost only ever mentions them when they are doing something for him. I don't think the writers will ever address how the traditional roles Eddie puts his partners in are toxic or how he needs to change his views, i think it's just poor writing at this point. The writers have been notoriously sexist for such an inclusive show (killing off Shannon, bringing Lucy into the 118 then reducing her to a love interest etc). Eddie certainly isn't the only one who has been sexist or had sexist ideals both Bobby and Buck have shown those tendencies in the earlier seasons. But Eddie is the only one who still has those values, even if they were hammered into him when he was a kid he hasn't stopped to think about how he is hurting his partners. Chim is the only one who has never shown any tendencies like that at all, thank god 🙏

Furthermore, Eddie ran away from Shannon to the army twice, he quit his job (despite it ultimately being good for his mental health) for Christopher without talking to him about it or even Buck, then buys a house in El Paso in Texas without telling anyone before he'd done it. He cuts people out and purposely hides things from people and then acts surprised and angry that people are mad that he hid things from them. Like Eddie acting angry at Buck in 8x17 for Buck being hurt and upset that Eddie lied and hid things from him was a bit insane. Buck never lashes out and hardly does anything to defend himself and he's not a child but Eddie throwing that Buck's selfish in his face for like the 6th or 7th time now is a pattern. Eddie has grown so much since season 2, he's no longer as emotionally repressed, he has healthier coping mechanisms, he has become more sure of himself as a person and a father and has taken steps to discover his own happiness. However, he still constantly runs away and lashes out when things get hard. Buck has made his fair share of mistakes and has hurt Eddie as well, but it isn't a pattern that he treats Eddie poorly and never apologises for it. I would love buddie to get together but I think that there would need to be a lot of work to be done before that happens or they need to go to couples counselling together. They both need to heal and communicate, because Eddie is making the same exact mistakes he made with Shannon with Buck.

buck and eddie started out on unequal footing. they might be roughly the same age, but eddie is a single dad and a combat vet. he's an Adult (tm), whereas buck is a barely recovering fuckboy.

buck never took eddie off that pedestal, still going on about his military experience and what a great dad he is seven seasons after they met, but the truth is buck grew and eddie stagnated. buck made mistakes in romance and friendships that he learned from, while eddie continued to throw a grenade and run in the other direction. yet when there's a conflict, eddie behaves as though he's the adult and buck is just a child.

and buck lets him.

[rookiegenin]

im so creatively struggling rn. in 5th grade i whipped out like 65 chapters of the worst self insert AU ive read in my life and now like 15 years later i feel like a sputtering motor trying to piece together 1 full chapter of a fic i have genuine interest seeing go out into the world.

i'm gonna vomit out my bullet points and i need some god damn sapphics to help me crowdsource a plot

Tenten Tsukuyomi dream expanded + aftermath AU

She/They Tenten X They/Them Hinata Hyuga

Kinda developed mutual crush after sparring when they were younger but being repressed pursue nothing

hinata has been getting marriage bids for a long time and her family expects her to do well for their status and bloodline. comphet ensues.

Tenten, logically, deals with this in a "lol avoidance is the best policy" kind of way. we're talking like post-first-chunin-exams to post-war levels of pining.

Tsukiyomi dream is pretty much the same, just going into more details. Just no Menma, it's too weird to rename only him and this is Tenten's dream

Tenten's love for their weapons. Recognizing her first attempt at crafting a blade among other tools that were probably atomized during the Pain attack. bc nothing in that genjutsu looked like new konoha to me and i want to play w them like dolls

add a bath house scene for. a dash of gay panic bc RtN!Hinata? in a bath house? with this weapon dork? RIP.

actually showing the invasion battle that the episodes literally cut through? tenten didn't even get to fight 😭

yes :) you belong here in the dream :) dont worry abt anything else :))

Can has little a genjutsu romance. as a treat. except jk your kiss having a falling feeling? yeah sorry you actually just fell. from the God Tree. War's over! have fun coping with this it's been like 3 months in that genjutsu world for you 🎉 ily tenten but imma put you through it. and by 'it', i mean the fucking gauntlet.

having to help clean up the battlefield, retrieving dead bc scrolls are lighter than corpses 8) tenten is not a medical ninja but by the end my god she can identify what killed someone at a glance.

get closer to hinata post war, both coping w losing Neji, esp post funeral.

hinata misses him dearly, visits kurenai often to talk about it. shares the comfort of sensei's reassurances with tenten sometimes.

hinata strong internal homophobia AND transphobia

tenten dreams about the tsukuyomi world and feels bad about it in so many ways. neji is very much dead this feels wrong. being near RtN hinata feels bad and weird knowing irl hinata better now.

ino pulls the whole rookie gang together to hang out and just. see eachother. make sure everyone is still breathing because theyre all kind of war torn now yk? just makes tenten sad. neji was so snarky he'd make gatherings more fun for her by muttering snippy little quips.

feel restless after the war, dont want to go on missions and try to relax but so on edge. training helps some.

also coping w the new realities of team gai, starts training longer and harder with lee, because surely going to sleep dead tired and bruised will stop the dreams. surely.

examination of tenten's lack of known clan or family orphanned during the nine tails attack maybe? lord 3rd seems great at not telling the orphans he sponsors shit so probably knows nothing about her parents.

tw substance abuse

weed from those gate chuniin Does Not help, especially not in larger quantities, just get more sad and the dreams more nonsensical. blurring things together until eventually end up drunk in the middle of the night at neji's grave

fucking fist fight hiashi hyuga. SOMEONE has to throw hands w this man.

hinata happens upon the crying mess, takes back to tenten's apt, caring tender moments and drunken softness ensues. gender talk?

real?neji talks to tenten in this dream. scolds them for this bout of self destruction, critiques fighting form, and wraps tenten in a hug. telling her to take care and gives his blessing for the two of them.

wtf do you mean us. whos "you two"-- oh. hhh.. ok

wake up in hinata's arms

with naruto Very unavailable (narusasusaku supremacy), hinata realizing their feelings toward naruto were not romantic but kind of an admiration.. maybe bordering on obsession, with how confident he was. im still workshopping this bit tbh?

tenten goes on a mission w (spins wheel) lee and choji. and is thinking about Other Things

unfocused in combat, falls into a giant chasm or smth idk. lost injured, teammates need to send for tracker ninja.

team 8 :)

tenten comes to on hinata's back to the sound of kiba insisting they let akamaru carry the unconscious ninja. hinata doesnt seem to want to do that. tenten tightens her hold and doesnt feel hinata burning red.

hospital waking up scene, real feelings talk, kiss, the end etc.

gay sex. hinata is really into tenten's abs and tenten is a fan of hinata's fingers 🌚

i dont own the idea so obvi ur allowed to take anything from this list and run with it.

[crossover-enthusiast]

Alr so

But anyway, the au is pretty simple. In the au, Lila fucking died in a car crash, which resulted in Skid being traumatized. He lived with Jaune for a few days, and Pump then came to see Skid after a bit. Not wanting to worry Pump, Skid tried to repress his emotions and act like he was fine. But Pump misinterpreted this as him not even caring that Lila was dead. Pump, out of his own misunderstanding, snapped at Skid, which resulted in an argument between the two. Pump stormed out of the house, and took off his mask, saying he didn't want to be Skids friend anymore. This kinda gave them both their own separate issues. Skid got sent to an orphanage after a few days.

Flash foward to 11 years later, Skid is now 19 and is dealing with a lot of shit due to what happened with his mom. His therapist recommends that in order to confront his trauma, it's probably best if he goes back to his town, so he does. But whenever he does, he reunites with a bunch of people, and that includes a now 18 year old Pump. But Pump seems.. different now. In a way, you could say Pump is like Kevin and Roy when it comes to his personality?? Well, he's like Kevin, but just a plain dickhead. Skid, distraught by his friends sudden change, is understandably in shock now. But old faces keep returning, and he keeps bumping into Pump repeatedly, which leads to familiar faces being confused as shit as to what happened between them and trying to fix their lost friendship.

Now for personalities, though I only have Skid and Pump and Susie so far

Skid is soft-spoken, polite, and kind-hearted in this au. But he is intimidated easily, and is very anxious, and has a bit of trouble standing up for himself. He also has internalized anger issues since he tends to repress it, he is a bit of a coward at times, and he apologizes a lot more than he should. He has low self esteem too. His favorite music tends to be shit like Cavetown and stuff. He no longer celebrates spooky month since it reminds him of Pump, but he still keeps his skeleton costume with him to feel like his mother is still there. He still likes candy, though he's a little less intense about it. He has no job, but is currently looking for one. Skid has issues with repressing his emotions, especially his anger. And he has slight anxiety when it comes to making other people feel upset, for he begins to apologize frantically as if afraid they'll leave him anytime he upsets someone.

Pump is confident, unafraid to speak his mind, and very sassy in this au. He works as a coffee shop barista. He can come across as a little rude sometimes, and tends to jump to conclusions pretty easily, and he is not afraid to resort to violence if he might have to. He has severe anger issues, abandonment issues, and has a lack of trust for those around him except for Susie. The reason why he is the way he is is not revealed til later in the story. But he is like this because of his toxic friends that he made after Skid fucking left. He doesn't even know his friends are pieces of shit, and the reason he's so angry all the time is because he never gets to express his anger toward them. It isn't healthy, but Pump doesn't know this. He also secretly still has a soft spot for Skid deep down, and is actually pretty protective of him. But he tries to act like he doesn't either way. He's basically forcing himself to move on from the argument. Pump is also very physically strong, but when it comes to Skid, he never really hurts him. Even if he has a distaste for Skid—if Skid were to ever engage in physicat combat with him for some reason, the least he'd do would be to just restrain him or just to avoid hurting him as much as possible.

Susie is in this au also. She works and studies for demonology. She is about the same in this au, although she's a little bit less snarky than she used to be. She is very wealthy, and is actually doing pretty alright. She is currently still living with her brother, and is well aware of his anger issues. Susie still has issues because of her parents neglect though, and any sign of perceived abandonment or someone ignoring her will make her very anxious. She also still likes to draw demons in her spare time.

Oooooo

Aww, the poor guys :<

[patrocles]

throbb? Sansaery? Daemon/Nettles?

THROBB 10/10 ship name. In the books I don't really ship them at all, Robb feels SO much younger than Theon. But show!throbb absolutely fucks. There's absolutely a queer undertone to this dynamic that a better writer could have explored, especially when you utilize the quote "I should have been with him. Where was I? I should have died with him." Especially since the show went out of its way to make Theon his only friend in the war. Neither of them were beating the fruity allegations when Robb told Theon he didn't have to call him 'your grace' when no one else was around. And so if EYE was writing Theon in the aftermath of the Red Wedding, I would have shelved all the castration jokes in favor of Theon truly having to grapple with Robb's death and his feelings surrounding him (jealousy, unrequited love, repressed bisexualty, etc). It wasn't just that they were best friends, but Theon loved him, was in love with him, and he still betrayed him. Could something have happened? Something that was always just beneath the surface? Maybe, but now he'll never know. Robb should have been an ever-present figure in Theon's arc for the rest of the series. And how so much of Theon's quest for redemption is rooted in accepting the way in which he loved Robb, accepting his own grief for what it was, and being able to let it go to finally attain absolution.

SANSAERY - I feel like I'm in the minority in that I actually don't care about this ship all that much... And if we're keeping it 100 I don't really like Natalie's Margaery all that much either. I definitely think they should have kept her the same age as Sansa, and I think I'd feel better about them in the show? Idk there's something about her going from a scheming, but still ultimately a pawn-of-the-patriarchy teen girl, to the sexy seductress with quippy lines to shade Cersei and sleeps with a pubescent child bc the writers are freaks that kind Icks me. And even in the book it's hard to really think of their friendship as anything tangible when Sansa is so desperate for a friend and then gets dropped the second the Tyrells plans for her falls through. HOWEVER, should Margy live (and I hope she does!) I would really like to see them reunite at the end, after everything they've both been through.

DAEMON/NETTLES - If "get a job! get away from her!" was a ship. I genuinely think of them as like Jason Bateman falling for Juno while she's a teenager and carrying his surrogate child simply because they bonded over nerd shit. (obviously sans the child) Like he's old now, and she represents the youth he misses and the ~Targaryen Values~ that he's obsessed with. (the dragonriding, the ferocity). I don't think she was his daughter, but I definitely think he treated her like one even if they had a sexual relationship. He traded Rhaenyra in when Nettles was the best replacement for what Rhaenyra no longer had- youth. Not to mention, he replaced Rhaena too, his own daughter, for the one that had a dragon and could fight alongside him. And the thing for Nettles is that Daemon was her only real access to social mobility, despite her own capabilities. I'm so glad that old bitch died and she got to live as a fire goddess in the Vale.

[likeshipsonthesea]

I don’t know if you take requests for nurseydex fics... but if you do the song “omg did she call him baby” by Beth McCarthy screams a heartbroken Nursey when Dex has a girlfriend

i like really can’t do genuine heartbreak but i CAN do angst that ends happy, so here’s my best shot :)

Nursey’s got a red Solo cup in one hand and a plastic champagne flute in the other and it’s sometime after three but before five and he is definitely not thinking about her or him or them together when he looks up between one sip and another to see the telltale blue hair reflecting the murky spotlights of the basement.

Nursey squints. He could be making things up--his brain is nice like that-- but he doesn’t think he’s imagining things. She’s got very distinctive hair, Dex’s--girlfriend. It’d been rather disappointing, actually, the blue hair. The whole thing had been easier to deal with when he’d been picturing some light-haired brunette going for an economics degree who smiled like a mom at soccer practice. Someone who Nursey could reasonably dislike on grounds of, like, predictability.

But no, Dex had to bring home a blue-haired physics major with a nose ring and good taste in music and the ability to out-argue Shitty while polishing off Bitty’s pie, i.e. perfect. Even Lardo couldn’t pretend like she wasn’t awesome for Nursey’s sake. Even Nursey can’t pretend like Amanda isn’t awesome for his own sake. She’s just so--so--

Nursey squints.

So-- making out with some random girl in a blouse at a frat party.

What the fuck.

Nursey is about two margaritas and three years too deep to be dealing with the emotional ramifications of catching the girlfriend of his best friend (who he’s also kind of sort of possibly maybe totally in love with) macking on some consultant for Goldman Sachs or some shit in the basement of arguably one of the worst frats at Samwell. This one doesn’t even have good music, Nursey’s only here to get drunk without the possibility of Dex calling Nursey Patrol and helping Nursey up the stairs and saying nothing about the poetry Nursey spills or the way his hands linger.

(Fuck does Nursey hate Nursey Patrol, fuck does he hate how much he loves it.)

Nursey downs the rest of the champagne flute--which was probably mostly orange juice at this point anyway-- and hands the red Solo cup to a freshman gearing himself up to talk to a cute boy a few feet away and then Nursey gets the fuck out of dodge. He manages to get a better look at the corporate recruiter Amanda is cheating on Dex with (and really, if you’re going to cheat on Dex, you’re really going to pick a chick in a blouse that probably has opinions on the stock market???) and if he hadn’t been sure before, the distinctive tattoo on Amanda’s shoulder proves that it’s really her.

(“Tattoos? Tattoos? I have tattoos.” “I know you do, Nurse.” “They’re really nice tattoos.” “I know they are, Nurse.”)

Emerging from the basement and then the frat house itself is instantly sobering. The chill from winter hasn’t quite left the air at night and Nursey wraps his arms around himself and doesn’t think about how Dex chirped him about not wearing a coat before he’d left. The frat isn’t far away from the Haus, thank god, but it is slightly farther when he turns left instead of right and then has to a backtrack a bit, but he still gets back in under ten minutes and he can still feel his hands, so overall, a win.

Attempting to get into the Haus quietly is a lost cause, given its one thousand year old floor and the fact that a ladybug could fart in the kitchen and wake up the guys in the attic. Still, Nursey gives it the good college try, which is why he’s creeping ridiculously through the living room when the light turns on suddenly and he screams, much to the amusement of Dex, standing in the kitchen doorway.

“Fuck, dude, what the fuck.”

Dex just smirks in that horribly attractive way of his. “How was the Psi-U basement?”

Nursey thinks of blue hair, washed out in the lights, Amanda’s hand on that girl’s cheek, the way Dex smiles when he’s around her. “Fine,” Nursey says, swaying.

The amusement falters and Nursey wishes he could figure out a way to keep the smile on Dex’s face the way Amanda does. Dex takes a step closer. “Are you alright?”

Nursey shakes his head violently and takes a step back, a step farther away. This is the part where he says yes, yes of course Dexy-darling, I’m right as rain, what about you? This is the part where Dex rolls his eyes and loops his arm around Nursey’s waist, his warm side pressed into Nursey’s. The part where they go upstairs, where Nursey writes his best poetry that he’s too embarrassed to write down when he’s sober, where Dex tells him to sleep well and lingers outside the doorway long enough for Nursey’s breathing to slow and then the floor creaks and Nursey knows he’s gone and wishes he’d held on just a little bit longer--

“Nursey, what’s wrong?”

Nursey shakes his head again. He means to say nothing, he means to say, I’m going to bed, he means to-- “Amanda, she--”

The concern turns to alarm. Why can’t Nursey ever make it better? “Is she alright? Did you see her? Is she okay?”

Nursey shakes his head again. He can’t seem to stop doing that. “She’s fine, she--she--” He swallows, and it’s sticky, cloying, citrusy and sweet on the back of his tongue. “She--there was this girl, she-- Amanda, she--”

Dex won’t stop frowning, concern knitting his eyebrows together with three short wrinkles, and Nursey has wanted to smooth them out with his fingertips every time he sees them since sophomore year, and he shouldn’t be doing this, shouldn’t be telling Dex this while he’s drunk, shouldn’t be telling Dex this at all, but he’s Nursey’s friend first and Nursey has to believe he’d tell Dex regardless of the love thing, he must--

“She was kissing some girl. In the Psi-U basement.”

The wrinkles smooth out. The amusement returns. Nursey--he can’t make sense of it over the ringing in his ears. Why is Dex smiling? Did--did Nursey do that?

“Did she look like a lawyer?” he asks, and at Nursey’s confusion clarifies, “The girl Amanda was kissing. Did she look like a lawyer?” Nursey nods dumbly. Dex’s smile only grows. Nursey is so, so confused and also more in love than he’s ever been. “Finally. I just won fifty bucks.”

What the fuck. “What the fuck.”

Dex laughs--laughs. “The girl’s name is Tammy. She graduated last year and moved to Boston. Amanda’s been in love with her forever, and I bet her that she’d get with Tammy before I--” Flush appears high on Dex’s cheeks, the soft pink one that means embarrassment and Nursey imagines would taste like cherry pie against his lips.

Nursey is--still quite a bit drunk. He needs--clarification. “You--you bet your girlfriend that she would get with her friend at a frat party?”

Dex’s nose scrunches up in Nursey’s favorite way--the same way it does when he’s trying to write humanities essays, the reason Nursey always says yes when Dex asks for help. “Girlfriend? Did you think Amanda was my girlfriend?”

Nursey remembers the start, hearing about Amanda every other day, then every day, then it was, sorry I can’t come, I’m meeting Amanda at-- and then one day at Annie’s, a girl with blue hair and a sharp grin yelled Babe! from across the room and planted a kiss on Dex’s cheek, her hand lingering on his shoulder, sipping from his coffee cup, getting him to smile like that--

“Well, yeah.” Nursey’s head is spinning and, for the first time tonight, not from the gin. “Is she--is she not?”

“Oh God, no, she’s so fucking gay, dude.” Laughter twinkles in Dex’s eyes. Nursey is drunker than he’s been since freshmen year of high school when Shitty snuck in some of his dad’s hard liquor and the janitors found them on the roof singing Disney songs at the moon. Dex’s girlfriend is gay. Dex’s girlfriend isn’t his girlfriend. Dex is--is smiling at him like he smiles at his girlfriend who isn’t his girlfriend.

“Oh,” Nursey says, dazed, “chill.”

“Oh wow,” Dex grins, leaning into the doorframe, “I can’t believe you thought--and you thought telling me my girlfriend was cheating on me at 3am while shit-drunk was a good idea?”

Nursey says, “Hey, honesty is important, and I’m not--” He stops. He remembers something. He squints. “Wait. If you bet 50 bucks on Amanda getting with Tammy, who did Amanda bet you would get with?”

The cherry pie blush is back. Nursey takes an absent-minded step forward. The room feels so much lighter now that Dex’s girlfriend isn’t cheating on him. The distance between them feels so much sillier now that Dex doesn’t have a girlfriend.

“Ah, well.” Dex rubs at the back of his neck, all country bumpkin sheepish to ask his sweetheart to the dance, and--and--

“I’m the sweetheart,” Nursey realizes with the kind of crystal clarity only afforded by the most copious amounts of alcohol.

Dex’s eyebrows furrow, those sweet little wrinkles appearing between them, and Nursey takes two long strides forward and presses his thumb into them. Dex goes cross-eyed trying to watch, but moves his eyes to meet Nursey’s after a moment.

Nursey grins, likely a bit sloppy from the gin, but he can’t find it in himself to care at the moment. “I’m the sweetheart,” he repeats, beaming.

Dex tries to repress the smile at his lips. “You’re not a sweetheart.”

“Yes I am,” Nursey sings, listing forwards. “You like me.”

“You’re an asshole.” Dex’s smile grows. Nursey watches its progress and sways.

“They’re not mutually exclusive,” he says, tracking the pink lips as they spread, revealing teeth and--and tongue and--

“I hate that you can still say mutually exclusive when you’re this drunk.”

“I’m not that drunk.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhmm. See, I’ll prove it.”

“How do you plan on--”

If Dex’s mouth weren’t so preoccupied, he might say that the taste on Nursey’s tongue is a good indication that he is in fact fairly tipsy, but as it is--well. He’s got other things to do.

(Amanda asserts that they tied since it happened on the same night and only pays $25. Tammy throws in five more and a condom and they call it even. Nursey kisses away Dex’s protest and pockets the condom, much to Amanda’s amusement. Turns out, she’s even cooler when she isn’t dating the love of Nursey’s life.)

[calaofnoldor]

Driving My Baby

Characters: Dean x Reader (gender neutral)

Words: 2,183 (i can’t drabble)

Summary: Dean doesn’t know about your mad skills behind the wheel, but it turns out there’s nothing hotter than seeing his baby driving his Baby.

Warnings: implied smut, language, fluff, dean’s bow legs, references to the fast and furious franchise

A/N: was originally gonna post a slightly angsty 2-part dean fic next, but decided against it in light off recent events lol. there’s really no plot or substance here, just some light floof. (and yes, the title is a reference to the song ‘you’re having my baby’)

MASTERLIST

The roar of Baby’s engine rumbled to a halt as Dean glanced over at you, “Alright, so you gonna sit tight while I go scope this place out?”

You sent him a close-lipped smile, trying your best to repress the excitement bubbling within you. “Mhm!” you concurred with a bouncy nod, pausing to sneak a quick peek at his shapely behind when he stepped out of the car, “I’ll try and see if I can get a hold of that morgue guy again.”

Walking over to the passenger side, Dean bent down to kiss you through the open window. “Mmkay, I’ll be back soon,” he mumbled against your lips, before turning to commence his search for the potential vamp hideout you suspected was in the vicinity.

“Oh wait! Dean!” you called out, stopping him in his tracks.

“Yeah?”

“The keys?”

Dean looked down at his pocket where the Impala’s keys were safely nestled and then back up at you with raised brows.

“You’re not gonna leave me in here like a dog, are you?” There was a subtle hint of amusement in your voice, but also a challenging edge, as well as a slight pout which you added for good measure. You knew he could never really say ‘no’ to you.

And as expected, Dean returned to deposit the keys into your waiting hands. You gave him a wide smile in return, “Thank you! Love you!”

Your boyfriend narrowed his glimmering green eyes at you, imparting one last suspicious glimpse in your direction as he grumbled somewhat warily, “Love you too,” and then finally sauntered off for good.

Biting your lip, you watched with bated breath as his figure grew smaller in the rear-view mirror. Normally, you would have enjoyed the exquisite vision of what you often dubbed his ‘sexy ass bow-legged swagger’, but this time, it was when Dean was no longer in sight that a devilish grin broke out across your face.

But really, who could blame you? You’d been a car enthusiast all your life, and classic cars were your weakness. “It’s just you and me now, Baby.” Your fingers glided along the dashboard.

With Sam on the bench due to a broken ankle (courtesy of the werewolf from your last hunt), you and Dean had driven out to Piedmont to take care of this vampire case on your own. So now after two years with the Winchesters, you finally had a chance to explore the front seat of Dean’s Baby, his pride and joy, the glorious, refurbished 1967 Chevy Impala.

When you’d joined forces with the brothers, it was readily agreed upon that you would be better off riding together in the sleek American muscle car, so you ditched your stolen, rusty 2003 Honda Accord and never looked back. Since there was a giant moose to accommodate, you were naturally relegated to the back seat, and rightfully so, but boy, did you miss the thrill of being in the driver’s seat.

You were always a bit of a demon behind the wheel, and it’d been ages since you’d gotten the chance to flex your driving skills. Back when you and Dean first got together, he promised you joyrides (and other recreational activities) in Baby, but the hunting life never seemed to let you get it on.

Sliding across the bench seat, your lungs released a contented sigh as you wrapped your hands around the leather-bound steering wheel. Dean’s bowlegs, however sexy, were not the same length as yours, so you pulled the lever beneath the seat to adjust its position to your liking. Perfect.

You took your time getting to know the ins and outs at the helm of the Impala, though it seemed like none at all had passed when you suddenly heard Dean’s deep voice cry out.

“Y/N!” Your eyes shot up to the rear-view mirror to find an image of the older Winchester running towards the car. “We gotta go!”

Well that’s strange, you thought. Dean never ran – not unless someone, or more often something, was chasing him… Oh shit. Had he somehow woken the vampires? But the sun was still thriving; how much could they retaliate out in the open at this point during the day?

“We gotta get outta here! Now!”

Dean’s voice was much closer now and if you’d learned anything from your experiences hunting with the Winchesters, it was to never doubt your boyfriend’s commands. He was a seasoned pro and possessed instincts like you’d never seen. It’s a good thing you’ve also got some of your own.

Plunging Baby’s key into the ignition, you started the car without hesitation, allowing yourself only a second to relish in the thunderous purr of the engine below you and the incomparable feeling of glee that always sprouted in your chest whenever you were sat at the wheel of a powerful, capable vehicle. Indeed, the adrenaline was already rearing.

As Dean approached the car, you quickly reached over to open the passenger side door for him. “Get in the car!”

“You- Wha-“ Dean stumbled for a split second, so accustomed to taking the driver’s seat. “Y/N, they’re awake and they’ve got bikes – a bunch of Harleys!” he continued to explain, as if that would get you to move out of his designated spot.

“OK, so hurry up!” you yelled again.

Seeing no better option, Dean hastily climbed into the car. Just as he got in, your ears picked up the unmistakable resounding growl of revving motorcycle engines. From the sound of it, they couldn’t be too far off. So when Dean slammed the door shut, your foot came down fast and heavy against Baby’s gas pedal, propelling you forward with an aggressive lurch before you whizzed off, burning rubber and leaving nothing but flying leaves and dust in your wake.

“Jesus!” Dean bellowed; his eyes had grown to about twice their usual size.

You paid him no attention though, too busy reveling in the delightful buzz that vibrated through your body starting from your fingers and toes, where you could feel every unit of Baby’s intoxicating horsepower, and travelling up your limbs until the exhilaration settled deep within your very core.

Stealing a glance at the rear-view mirror, you caught sight of the monster-driven motorcade advancing considerably, so you decided to take the next available turn as an attempt to throw them off. Things were getting truly exciting now.

“Vamps on bikes? Really?! And covered in leather?” you huffed mirthfully with a shake of your head.

But it was Dean’s turn to ignore you. He was clutching at his door tightly, as if afraid your driving might somehow hurl him out of it. In fact, when you took the first corner without warning, Dean just about fell over.

“Woah! Slow down, Toretto!” he shouted in alarm, looking over at you as if you’d grown a second head.

Seeing you’d managed to surprise the vampires with your unexpected maneuver however, a loaded smirk was your only reply.

It took you about twenty minutes to get the vamps off your tail, during which time Dean managed to recover from his initial shock and began instead to absorb your radiant form. The look of exuberance on your face and the utter determination in your bright eyes, mixed with the mischievous tug of your lips, and combined with the all-around liberated and euphoric aura that surrounded you was sexy as hell, not to mention your sheer competence. All of it astounded him and caused his blood to flow to places he could not have foreseen.

You seemed to be completely at one with his esteemed Baby, handling her with perfect control and aptitude, and all the while enjoying yourself so very much. It was something Dean never knew you were capable of, but more so, it was something he never knew he needed.

Dean had always loved how much you loved and appreciated his car, but this made him feel like he was seeing you in a new light; it made him feel like he was falling for you all over again. That devilish glint in your normally kind and virtuous eyes, your ever jubilant and fervent love for life after enduring so much pain and grief, the way you never ceased to amaze and surprise him – it was all gloriously heady and irresistibly addictive. His teeth couldn’t help but pull at his lower lip, emerald eyes glazing over with lust and adoration as he stared over at you in the driver’s seat.

So when you ultimately pulled into an empty clearing, not wanting to lead the vamps straight back to your motel room, Dean was at a loss for words.

“So, a bloodsucking motorcycle gang, huh? Can’t say I’ve seen that before,” you speculated in a cheery, nonchalant tone, feeling perfectly satisfied after your little stunt driving escapade.

Dean, on the other hand, appeared not unlike a fish out of water with his furrowed brows and pouty lips which appeared undecided as to whether they should remain open or closed.

“That was… I just- You-… I don’t even know…” he ran his hands through his hair, pulling the short strands forward roughly, “What just happened?”

You sent him a small, innocent shrug, rather amused at his adorably stuttery response.

“You never told me you could drive like that.”

“You never asked,” you replied truthfully.

“Fuck, Y/N. That was… so… incredibly…”

What? Your curiosity was killing you. Dean’s opinion always mattered to you and at the moment, you could read a myriad of emotions upon his face. He looked stunned and confused, perhaps a bit frightened, but at the same time awed and impressed, and maybe even – were you reading that right? – slightly… aroused?

Dean lowered his voice to answer your unspoken question, “Hot,” he finished emphatically.

You heaved a breathy laugh, “Yeah?”

“Fuck yes! Baby, that was incredible. The way you handled Baby like a fucking pro, the little faces you made when you were living for the thrill of the chase. The skill, the speed, the Tokyo drifting, all of it. Goddamn, you are so sexy when you’re driving my Baby like that.”

“Well that’s a coincidence ‘cause I also happen to find you amazingly sexy when you’re behind this wheel,” you joked lightly, “In fact, I think seeing you drive this car might’ve been part of the reason I fell in love with you.”

“And I think I just fell in love with you all over again,” came Dean’s suave response.

You giggled a bit, but soon sobered when you saw his gorgeous eyes cloud over with wanton desire. One minute you were dwelling in the heavily charged sexual tension that seemed to consume the entire car, watching his gaze wander down to your lips while yours did the same, and in the next your mouths met ferociously as your bodies swooped forwards simultaneously, crashing together in the center of Baby’s front seat.

You moaned into the kiss, your hands finding their way around Dean’s ridiculously broad shoulders and up to his thick neck. When you were forced to come up for air, his lips began to work their way down to your collar bone. “Mmm, god Dean.”

“Seriously baby, that was such a turn on,” he rambled across your skin, “I didn’t even know driving could be so hot.”

Your laughter was really more just an exhalation of air. “Are we finally gonna do it? Are we gonna christen Baby now, thanks to your newfound kink?” you whispered salaciously, your brain already presenting obscene images of the two of you re-enacting something akin to the infamous Titanic scene.

Dean paused for a moment, allowing you to rip off his outer layers with relish before he brought his large hands up to cup your cheeks. “See I wouldn’t call it ‘newfound’,” he started, dazzling forest orbs boring into your soul, “Cause I’m pretty sure it only turns me on when it’s you behind the wheel, and I’ve always had a kink for you.”

You stare at him in disbelief, unable to keep the smile off your face, “You are such a smooth fucker sometimes, Dean Winchester.” And with that, your lips and bodies collided yet again. His strong hands held you impossibly close while yours ran joyously across his expansive chest before travelling down to find the zipper of his jeans.

“Ungh, wait a sec,” you pulled back a little with knitted brows, a playfully incredulous tone taking over your voice, “Did you call me Dominic Toretto earlier?”

“Well, yeah. You were driving like a madman!” Dean exclaimed candidly.

You smirked, “So does that make you Letty Ortiz?”

“Sweetheart, I will gladly be the Letty to your Dom anytime you want… I still can’t believe you just took me on a high-speed car chase, that was fucking awesome! Just wait ‘til Sam hears about this one!”

Laughing as you pulled him back in, you shut him up with your tongue as it invaded his mouth, pausing only to smile against his luscious lips, “Mmm, well maybe he doesn’t have to hear about this next part?”

A/N #2: thank you so much for reading, feedback always appreciated! oh and here’s a look at some new stuff at lexicolor.redbubble.com :)