#('ok but I take forever to write things anyhow')

[a-lonely-dunedain]

Could I get 8, 11, and 24 for Ethedis from the OC asks? 💚

8. "do they have a nickname? who gave it to them? if it's not derived from their real name, what's the story behind it?"

She usually just goes by Eth, or Ethe if you wanna be cute :3 oooh it would be adorable if Corunir had his own special little nickname for her though, but I haven't thought of one yet... I should get on that. I'd make one up now but I don't wanna force it, it's gotta be good, ya feel me?

11."what do they have in common with you? how are they different? would you get along with them?"

oh ok so that's a very interesting one!

as Ethedis is one of my oldest OCs, created by a much younger me, she was one of those that started out as a thinly veiled self-insert. But as I got older and changed in big and small ways, her traits stayed more or less the same, making her like a time-capsule of sorts. A window into what past me was like, or at the very least, the traits past-me saw as her most important/defining. Of course I've still tweaked and changed things, but the most fundamental parts of her have stayed largely the same. Fitting for an ageless elf don't you think, to remain eternally young and unchanged after all these years while I did not?

Anyway I would say she was created to first and foremost embody the sunshiny jokester with a heart too big for her own good I thought of myself as at the time, but seemingly without realizing it, I also wove a deep thread of loneliness into the background of her story that I didn't seem too keen on exploring until fairly recently. I mean, the elements were all there, a human love interest who's doomed to leave her forever, a family out of the picture before the first act of her story even began, a distinct lack of elven friends and a gnawing sense of 'otherness', it was all THERE but I was just like "haha we're not gonna worry about that today :) yay silly elf :) she is fine everything is fine :)" (look, I was a lonely autistic kid with exactly 0 friends outside of my sister and something adjacent to abandonment issues going on probably, but I wasn't ready to like, DEAL with that yet. Ethedis wasn't supposed to be sad!)

anyhow, we don't need to delve further into ALL THAT right now *hastily shoves my past back under the rug where it belongs*

Suffice to say, I think I'm a bit more comfortable exploring those elements of her story, and giving her a happy ending despite it all. Her best friend who loves her so very much fights for her to get into the same afterlife as him so she doesn't have to be lonely forever <3 because I said so and also friendship <3 (is it just wish fulfillment for my sad inner child? yes and that's probably cool and good. I will not take constructive criticism at this time thank u). Also she's a huge people pleaser who get incredibly demoralized when anyone is even slightly upset with her. that's one thing she still has in common with present me lmao

24. "do they have any creative hobbies? (art, writing, music, etc)"

Well of course! Most elves tend to pick up on at least one craft eventually. Of course Ethedis sings, tra la la lally elf and all, but it's not something she takes super seriously, just one of those things elves do to pass the time in Rivendell. I think she also dances, and that is something she takes more seriously (well not like it's a Serious™ activity, she's still having fun of course, but it's like she puts much more care into it?), but tends keeps to herself mostly. She usually dances in secluded places, away from anyone she fears might judge her skills for not living up to the legendary elven dancers of old, as she is acutely aware that despite all her efforts she is NOT Lúthien Tinúviel (in more ways than just this). So dancing is something she tries to view as Her Own Thing that she doesn't wish to let anyone into.

Well, except for Corunir that is. I don't know exactly when or where yet, but Ethedis is gonna invite him to dance with her at some point, and while it might seem like a small thing, to her it is very much a Big Deal. He tries his best, but he's inexperienced and a little clumsy, probably almost steps on her feet a couple times, but Ethedis doesn't care in the slightest. More than anything she's just happy to finally have someone she's comfortable sharing this part of herself with, someone who isn't trying to compare her to anyone else, someone who's just happy to be with her, dancing and laughing in the forest wholly content in each other's company. sorry hang on I'm gonna drown in my own feeling real quick. They're literally Too Cute I can't-

[speedychildnight]

FOREVER MINE...

Already uploaded till chapter 8 on Wattpad.

Wattpad id- @Lil_cutie2005

CHAPTER 6

Yn: Papa is alive Jungkook..... Someone kept him with him. He didn't die.

You bursted into tears. Jungkook quickly came to you and hugged you tightly.

Jungkook: Shhh!!! Don't cry don't cry.

He was patting your back.

Jungkook: How did you know??

Yn: Don't ask me anything. I just know.

Jungkook: Tomorrow is our exam result. Let's surprise Uncle with our results. I mean we will find him out. Then we will show him.

He spoke some immature words in front of you. Which he knew but he was just trying to ease the atmosphere.

You smiled seeing his actions. You just caressed his cheek.

Yn: Jungkook............I want something from you. Can you give?

Jungkook: Anything my precious.

Yn: A forehead kiss.

He looked at you weirdly.

Yn: You can say that I am forcing you but don't do it without your will.

You felt warm on your forehead as soon as you completed the sentence.

Jungkook: Enough? Or want more?

Yeah he kissed on your forehead.

Yn: You know it's more than enough.

You chuckled.

Yn: Can we sleep now?

Jungkook: Yeah let's go.

Time skips to midnight...

Jungkook was sleeping peacefully in your bed, while you were doing something really important at your study table. Maybe writing.

After some time you finished writing. You kept the paper on the table.

You walked near the bed where Jungkook was sleeping. You lay beside him while hugging him too tightly and kept your head on his chest. After some minutes you looked at his face and started caressing it.

Yn: I know Jungkook you are a heavy sleeper. that's why you won't wake up easily. You know what I wanna be your first kiss but seems like it's not possible in any condition. I thought you would fall in love with me someday. But God is not my side love. I am.......... sorry.

In the last sentence, your voice broke. But you suppressed your sobs anyhow.

Lastly, you kissed his forehead before grabbing your luggage and leaving your room while crying nonstop.

After some hours...

Jungkook was seeking your warmth. So he just kept going on your side. His eyes were still closed.

But he frowned when he didn't find you in bed. He thought you came to drink water maybe that's why he came to the living room. But you were nowhere.

He got panicked. He searched every corner of the house but you were nowhere to be found.

He called you several times but every call went on voicemail.

Then he called your mom's number but her phone is saying switched off. Grabbing the car key he came out from the house.

(He just got a driving licence. As he turned 18)

On the way, he called his parents.

OTP....

Jungkook: Hello mom. Do you know where is aunty? She isn't picking up her phone.

Jungkook's Mom: Baby she is in Hawaii and we are in Mexico for a meeting but what happened? Why are you sounding so tense?

Jungkook: Mom I can't find Yn.

Jungkook's Mom: What!? I can't hear anything baby. Here the signal is the worst. Let's hang up. Take care of yourself and Yn and I can't call you this week ok.

Jungkook: Mom...Mom....

The call cut.

Jungkook punched the stirring wheel.

Jungkook: Where are you Ynieee?

Then he remembered that you always hide in the cupboard. So he rushed towards the house. And started searching again.

Suddenly his eyes fell on the paper which was on your study table.

Dear Jungkook,

                              I am so so sorry Jungkook that I can't keep my promise. I have to go. Please don't search for me. I have to go for you and Papa. I can't lose any of you.

                          

They also hacked Mamma's phone. Don't worry nothing will happen to anyone until I am not around. I am trying to solve every problem.  I will send my phone number whenever the problem is over okay? Just don't change your number.

One more thing please don't be angry with me. Please. And the last thing if you go into a relationship with anyone just observe her first. I beg you Jungkook.

If everything goes according to my plan then the problem will be solved within a month. And then let's meet next year at Seoul National University.

I know you will skip this year for me but let me tell you in college I wanna be your junior. So please get admitted to the university. I will surely come by next year. I swear. Yes, it's not a promise it's a swear.

Your Yn.

Jungkook cried harder after reading the letter.

Jungkook: Is it too hard to share the problem with me? Are we this much distant after 18 years of friendship? In this whole fucking 18 years I can't able to build trust in you? Yn I love you. How can you think I will be in a relationship with someone else? Is it I didn't say anything that day? You pabo I am planning to propose you after the result. But at least you can tell me. I will wait for you Ynieee. Please be safe and sound. And I will only be going to wait for 1 month after that I am going to search for you.

He was holding his hair being frustrated while crying miserablely.

Next day....

He got the result as known he got the chance and he was searching for Yn's name. He just wanna know what she scored. But he can't find Yn's name in any list.

Jungkook: That means she didn't sit in the exam. That means she knew everything from before. Gosh, how can I be so dumb? She was behaving weirdly for some days but why didn't I ask her. Why....why....why!!!!?

Again his eyes got teary after thinking about Yn. But he was quick enough to wipe his tears.

According to your wish, he gets admitted to the University. But he missed your presence every day. He can't sleep without hugging you. Can't roam around without your blabbering. In one word he included you in his daily routine. He can't do anything without you.

Days passed by.... every day he went to college but still no one heard his voice. He became totally silent. Many people approached him but he didn't give any fuck about them. But even after ignoring the pick level, some girls come to him every day.

Every day he was waiting for your phone call. As you said he didn't change his phone number. He checked his phone every now and then. But there is no sign of your phone call.

Now it's been nearly one month. Just one week left.

As another day Jungkook was sitting in a corner of the cafeteria while eating his lunch and started at his phone.

Buzz~ buzz~

Suddenly his phone buzzed. It's an unknown number.

Who could it be?? What do you think??

[koushirouizumi]

(quiet tags ramble)

[moxxis-bar]

I think something platonic with the Calypsos would be cool! Maybe you all became friends on the ECHOnet as kids before they started streaming?

Internet Friends

Platonic Calypso Twins x Gender Neutral Reader

I’m so sorry it took me forever to write this! I’m a dummy who’s bad at time management. It wasn’t specified if this was a oneshot or headcanons, so I just wrote a oneshot, but I liked how this turned out so I might come back and write another part for this. I don’t remember if the Calypsos had access to the ECHOnet as kids since it’s been a minute since I’ve played through Borderlands 3, but we’re just going to assume they did lol

Content: Platonic fic, takes place before the events of Borderlands 3

SPOILER WARNING! Slight spoilers for Borderlands 3 and the Calypso Twins’ backstories.

Your phone couldn’t seem to stop vibrating because of the sudden influx of messages from two of your internet friends, a set of twins who looked to the ECHOnet to save them from the boredom of their lives, at least, that’s what they told you. You spent an amount of your time online, talking to them about everything there was to talk about, and they kept in touch with you often, creating a group chat between the three of you to talk in.

‘hey’

‘hey’

‘hey’

‘heyyyyyyyyy’

‘u should get online’

‘nd settle a fight between me n troy’

‘bc this idiot thinks pineapple belongs on pizza’

Tyreen blew up your Echo Device as she often did, desperate to get your attention. The heavy hand unit never seemed to stop buzzing, even as you picked it up, only now you were being bombarded by both twins.

‘ty is a LIAR’ 

‘that is NOT what we were fighting abt’

‘and my pizza opinions have NOTHING to do with this’

‘I SWEAR SHES LYING’

‘plz get on’

‘i need another voice of reason’

This was a very common occurrence, you can’t even begin to count the number of times you’ve been dragged into their weird arguments with absolutely zero context, but it was always fun to watch how passionate they were about these weird disagreements. Ready to join in and get some context, you typed into the group chat you shared with the twins.

‘whats this abt troy liking pineapple on pizza?’

It only took a few seconds for Troy to respond, Tyreen following shortly after.

'‘THATS NOT WHAT I SAID TY IS LYING TO YOU’

‘nuh uh he totally said that’

‘did not’

‘ok he basically said that’

‘basically and totally arent the same thing’

The conversation was taken over by Troy and Tyreen again until you typed back.

‘wait ok so what did troy say?’

‘all i said was that pineapple on pizza can still be valid if you dont like it’

Tyreen was quick to respond, excited by what she assumed was an admission from Troy.

‘y’know who would say that? people who like pineapple on pizza’

‘I NEVER SAID I LIKE IT I JUST SAID ITS VALID’

‘HOW IS IT VALID???? IT’S AN ABOMINATION TO PIZZA’

‘LISTEN SOME PEOPLE JUST LIKE A BIT OF SWEETNESS TO THEIR PIZZA’

‘ARE YOU SEEING THIS (Y/N)??? IM TELLING YOU HE LIKES PINEAPPLE ON PIZZA’

The chat continued to be flooded with messages of Tyreen accusing Troy of liking pineapple on pizza, while Troy tried his best to explain himself, though you weren’t really sure if he was desperate to make Tyreen believe him, or if he was actually hiding the possibility of him liking pineapple on pizza. The world may never know.

‘whenever we meet up we gotta get troy some pineapple pizza and settle this’

‘YESSS THATS SUCH A GOOD IDEA’

Tyreen typed back excitedly, loving the suggestion, much to Troy’s chagrin you assumed.

‘im not eating pineapple on pizza for you weirdos’

‘besides’

‘even if i would’

‘its not like dad would ever let us go see you’

‘he definitely wouldn’t let you come see us either’

‘not like you could find us anyhow’

Oh. That’s right. You’d nearly forgotten. They’d mentioned before that their dad refused to let them go out. Something about him being super protective of them. Well, even if it wasn’t possible, it was a fun idea to imagine, spending actual, in-person, time with the twins. You would be able to see them face-to-face and fulfill all the other weird plans that stemmed from the strange but fun conversations you had with the twins. They’d told you that it was unrealistic to ever actually see each other, but you still held on to that slight hope that maybe one day you’d be able to finally meet them.

Tyreen texted back.

‘ugh thats right’

‘mannnn’

‘its not like he can actually keep us here all our lives’

‘even if he tried’

‘he won’t be able to stop us >:)’

‘we’ll be so sneaky nd run away’

‘and then we’ll come see u’

‘waddya think troy?’

‘i guess…’

‘but i do wanna see (y/n)’

Tyreen was often playful when she talked with you and Troy, but you wondered if any part of her was serious about that. About running away from her father with Troy. Your thoughts were interrupted as your ECHO device vibrated once again, this time a message from Troy.

‘OH UR NEVER GONNA BELIEVE WHAT TYREEN DID LAST NIGHT’

‘SO SHE GOT UP LAST NIGHT CAUSE SHE GOT HUNGRY’

‘AND’

‘TROY DON’T YOU DARE FINISH THAT STORY’

[thewriterowl]

i’ve heard mention… of a “cursed statue luke au”… it sounds super interesting, do you mind elaborating? (huge fan of your works by the way, your writing style is very good and i enjoy your use of imagery)

Ok, so...this is not my fault. I was talking to some people and then, before this fic of cursed statue Din was read, someone shared an amazing and sexy idea of Luke riding statue Din and he comes alive and they just have a lot of sex...seriously, there is a hivemind in this community, I swear. We all think of things at the same time.

Anyhow, so I was told this, and then I read the fic, and of course I went problematic (yeah, I'm aware of the tiktoks lol) and made it dark with a sub-tone.

TW: Dark elements

So, Luke is the son of a wizard who turned dark and who is doing everything he can to tempt Luke to living forever and ruling with him. Luke, of course, refuses.

He is then brought to his knees, his face tilted, hands out and wrists up, as if he is reaching for someone...his expression could be read as pleading, fear, or love, as he becomes beautiful marble.

Anakin touches his face and gives him a cruel smile, "Once you call for me, you will be free. Until then, you are to remain here, bowed before others, always reaching, and never able to be truly touched back. You'll drive them as mad as you do me."

Luke is cursed to remain like this, never moving but somehow making so many hungry for him. And anytime he gets a private "owner" that needed Luke for their own, they are doomed to de...and Luke has to watch (as his father, like a shadow of horror, would sneak in and kill them).

Luke is passed from museum to museum and is the most stolen (and then re-found) piece of art in the world. Even with the rumors on what happens to those who steal him well known, people still cannot help but steal him.

It goes on for years and Luke is just in pain watching people lose their minds and die for him. He begs his father to stop...but he refuses to give into what his father wants.

Then one thief comes and takes him away and things are so different.

The thief doesn't do anything to him. Nothing improper like others (though the man does touch himself over Luke and it makes Luke wail internally with want). He trails over Luke's face, talks to him, treats him kindly even tho he is just a statue, and is warm and loving and Luke just wants to move and fall into the man's arms and just feel and be happy again.

Soon, his father begins to appear and threaten the man named Din, and Luke is just breaking. He can't watch this man suffer for him. He was in love with Din and can't see a good man and father be killed.

He begs his daddy to please let him go, that he'll do and give anything, just keep Din safe.

Din catches him when he is all of a sudden back as a real man, trembling and gasping as he feels air for the first time in hundreds of years, trying to warn Din to run and to be safe, when Din kisses him hard, urging him to just rest now.

Then Anakin appears, grinning, "I told you you're a better actor than you believed, Djarin."

Luke is then horrified to realize that his father and the man he had fallen in love with were working together and now Luke is completely trapped.

[ninthfeather]

Please tell me /literally all of the behind the scenes things/ for aim to repaint these days?

Ok, so when I started 'aim to repaint these days' I was thinking about a swap rather than just the Juniors timetraveling? Like I was gonna send the Juniors back to Sunshot but simultaneously dump Sunshot-era WWX, LZ, JC and NHS in post-CQL-epilogue-land. Unfortunately, I quickly figured out that a fic like that was a little too ambitious for me--waayyyyy too many moving parts. Also I kinda wanted to be able to toss the kids at the Sunshot-era version of their responsible adults presences/sect leaders/parents.

So with my parameters redefined I focused on the kids landing in Sunshot. I had a few ideas that i didn't ultimately go through--including the classic JL-interacts-with-his-unknowing-parents scenario, but ultimately I decided not to go in that direction.

There are a few plot threads I deleted that I kinda wish I'd been able to write in full--mostly, I had a subplot of LSZ getting extremely fed up with NMJ's whole "we will kill all the Wen" attitude, since he knows how that ends for his family, and a scene with the Juniors being like "that? is senior Wei?" when looking at Sunshot-era WWX, while WWX is deeply uncomfortable with kids roughly his age calling him 'Senior.'

My favorite thing I did include was the kids' utter disinterest in helping the war effort. Because, like, it's history for them. It was won forever ago. The Sunshot-era people feel like underdogs desperately scrabbling for an upper hand while the kids see their victory as a foregone conclusion, but are much more worried about the years immediately following the war, when many of their parents died. So of course they're more worried about the postwar stuff, but poor LXC and NMJ are just baffled by it.

Also, while I know he only started taking initiative after NMJ's death, I love the idea of young!NHS actually using his brain for things other than revenge, bc by the end of the series it's very clear that he's terrifyingly smart and pretty ruthless. Like, yes, he made up a lot of his plan on the fly, but he was basically being monitored by a serial killer while trying to take said serial killer down (note: yes I agree that JGY had reasons for what he did and everything, but he did literally murder several people on different occasions relatively close together, which means he fits the technical definition of serial killer). I maintain that with the right motivation, NHS could have been a real threat (to who? anyone who pissed him off, that's who).

Anyhow, I adored writing this fic and I hope you enjoyed it.

[tttinytrash]

So @shamedump, you made a mistake saying using your boys was ok. Forever ago on their blog (which if you haven’t checked them out yet you should) there was mention of Mage bitties, their Nightmare that’s more of a overly blunt but well-meaning boy than canon Nightmare, growing into biggies and a few of em running a place you could go to have them drain negativity off. They get fed, you’re less stressed, win-win! This has kinda been an idea I pop back to when I’m feeling particularly stressed and I decided that since they said using their ideas was ok with credit, I’d go for it and actually write something. So Mage, and all the subsequent ideas of how their powers work, what their body is like, (I even borrowed the mousepad analogy) and whatnot is all Dumpling. I simply extrapolated a story out of it. Any misrepresentations of the character I’ll pretend comes from the fact that they’re bitties/biggies and therefore personality can differ a little from the source material. At least, that’s what I’ll say to make myself feel better lol. 

Your cousin had dragged you to this place, and you had immediate reservations upon arrival. The place was run by biggies, which wasn’t the issue. You really just couldn’t help that they looked intimidating. 

Every biggie in the shop had black goop covering their whole form, and four extra appendages sprouting out of their back. They were somewhat taller than you, and definitely broader. Despite all this, you knew they couldn’t help their appearances and made no move to actually be scary, so you pushed the anxiety down (to join the plethora of other anxiety in the pile) as your cousin approached the desk. The biggie at the desk was pleasant enough as she checked you in for your appointment, then came back to sit in the waiting area with you.

“Just gotta wait for a chair to open, cous. This will be the best decision you’ve made all week, I swear!” She assured you as she took her seat beside yours.

You agreed absently, watching the other humans, monsters, and biggies wander through the store. The Mage biggies, as their type was called, each stood behind comfy looking chairs with their client seated before them facing a big mirror on the wall. It reminded you a lot of a hair salon, actually. One tendril from their back wrapped around each wrist, while their hands gave a shoulder massage. Actually, the one on the end of the row was braiding his client’s hair. That observation struck you as pretty cute, and managed to sap away some apprehension. 

“little less scary now?”

You all but leapt from your seat you jolted so hard.

Your cousin tried and failed to muffle a snicker at your expense as the biggie continued “whoops. sorry, wasn’t trying to sneak up on you.”

“N-no, It’s fine. Just kinda got caught people watching.” you assure, trying your best to laugh off the mortification.

“it’s fine, we get it. i’m jethro. i’ll be taking care of you today.”

“Nice to meet you, I’m y/n.”

“Ooh, such a good name!” your cousin interjected.

“heh, thanks. my adopter was into some cop show. guess my attitude back in the day reminded him of somebody. anyhow, my chair is right this way, y/n.”

Your cousin excused herself and left you to your appointment, which had been the deal. You were too nervous to wait alone at a new place, but knew you should be ok from here. Jethro guided you to one of the indeed very comfy chairs and took his position behind. His tendrils grabbed a stool from against the wall and set it behind the chair so he could sit as well. Despite being behind you, he was able to look at you easily by turning his one eyed gaze to the mirror set on the wall in front of you.

“this is your first time, right?” Jethro asked, so far keeping his hands to himself.

You confirmed that it was.

“right. so i assume there’s questions?”

“Yeah, my cousin said you guys drain negativity. How literal is that?”

“exceedingly. we can sense emotions, especially negative ones. we can also feed off of em. again, literally. we remove them through physical contact and they’re converted into magic in our bodies.”

“You guys eat our bad emotions?”

“yep.”

You realized something. “...You sense them too.”

“Yep.”

“Does that include nervousness?”

“yep.”

“So you knew I was literally scared when I walked in.”

“yep.”

“I am so sorry.” Ugh, now he probably felt how mortified you were. Now he thought you were a racist! You were far from one of those monster hating bigots! Shit, maybe you should just leave-

You flinched when two cold pressures settled on your wrists, and your mortification ebbed.

“you’re fine, told you we get it.” Jethro cut your shameful spiral short, and you realized he’d wrapped his tendrils around your arms.

The appendages were cool to the touch, and the grip was light enough you could easily break free if you had any desire to. Thing is, you didn’t. You felt the stress that had been building up simply start to vanish. It left you feeling hollow, but calm and gratitude quickly filled the void. You could definitely tell those feelings were literally being taken away from you.

“now, since i’ve absorbed those negative feelings i know roughly why you came in and i’m also here to talk you through all of it rather than just making it go away if you want. but usually people just go quiet on their first time, up to you. given your reaction here, i’m assuming you want to enjoy the clear head space awhile instead?”

You nodded, feeling ever so slightly loopy. Was that an affect of the draining?

Jethro made an amused acknowledging sound. He reached forward, using his hands to apply pressure to the tense muscles around your shoulders and neck. You melted into the pleasant touch, briefly feeling shame for so visibly reacting before that too was wicked away.

“heh, i sense a return customer.”

You smiled, oh hell yes you were.

-----

You became a regular immediately.

All the guys in the shop were great, but Jethro definitely ended up your preferred siphon, and he was who you made appointments with.

You were in a session with him now, and it was nice to have him act as a sounding board as to how to deal with you day to day stressors. You’d picked up a few calming techniques you used on a daily basis by now, and your sessions had reduced in frequency by this point. It was almost a friendly catch up session between you two whenever you made a booking, but you still absolutely appreciated his services. 

As you two casually chatted near the end of your appointment, another biggie walked out from the back room. You’d seen a few clients go back there, only to emerge hours later. That was the “Special Treatment” room, and you were curious what that entailed but had never mustered the courage to ask. This curiosity meant you were very keen on observing the biggie that had just exited and therefore delighted when he took a seat in the vacant client chair next to yours. 

Jethro greeted him as he settled, and you noticed the newcomer had his hand laid on his belly as if to steady it. 

“special treatment?” Jethro asked.

“yeah. they totally fell asleep, but i’m not gonna bother them just yet.” the other responded.

“heh, they must have needed it then. nightmares, i guess?”

“yeah. pretty bad. all the more reason to let em rest.”

The conversation drifted from there, and you eventually got looped in and belatedly introduced to the other biggie, who you learned was named Obsidian. Throughout the conversation, you didn’t miss that Obsidian had his hands folded over his middle, and kept swiping his thumb across the surface whenever the special treatment client had been referred to.

You left the store contented but all the more curious. Maybe you’d finally ask when you came back next time.

-----

God this sucked.

When it rains it pours, apparently. It started with your manager breathing down your neck at the same time a bunch of impending deadlines were looming for school. With a cherry on top of family drama, you felt like a frayed nerve.

Your next siphoning session was two weeks away, but damn did you need the support now. You’d tried your calming strategies, which while they kept a panic attack at bay weren’t enough. You’d tried handling this on your own but it just wasn’t cutting it after a few days of the stress piling up on itself in your head.

You walked into the shop, hoping beyond hope that they took walk in clients.

Obsidian was apparently slotted for receptionist duty today, and he seemed to take notice of you before you were able to even say anything. His head jerked up as if he’d heard a loud noise and once his gaze settled on you, recognition dawned quickly. “y/n? what happened?” The concern made it clear that your black cloud of anxiety was exceedingly obvious to the empath before you.

“Everything, it feels like. There wouldn’t happen to be any openings today, would there?”

“i think we can swing something. gimme a sec.” 

The biggie disappeared in a shortcut, chair rattling down from its tilted position loudly. 

You flinched at the sound at looked around the shop for reactions. There weren’t many people, two biggies had clients and were politely ignoring the commotion you felt you’d made. You recognized one of the clients distantly, but your attention was quickly diverted to two figures emerging from the staff lounge. Obsidian lead Jethro, much to your delight, towards you. Jethro’s expression softened visibly at the same time you felt the happy thrill of recognition.

The expression settled into concern again by the time he’d approached. “you’re more negative now than when we first met, kiddo.” He said instead of a greeting. Blunt, as usual.

“I believe it. Sorry to drop in without a booking-”

“you’re fine, stoppit. you apologize too much. you’re probably due for a special treatment if you’re game for it.”

You perked up despite the dark knot in your soul at the mention of the mysterious back room. Your curiosity was piqued again, and you were up to try anything to get your head back in order by this point. So decided, you nodded.

You were lead into the back room, and you eagerly took in your new environment. There were a couple huge, very plush looking beanbags in the center of the room. A water cooler was off to the side, and a little table next to it had a hot water dispenser and tea bags. There wasn’t a ton of other things here, besides a few odd indoor plants and a distinct lack of mirrors compared to the salon-esque layout outside.

You belatedly realize that Jethro was trying to get your attention, and rush to respond. “S-sorry, what?”

“was askin’ if you wanted a rundown. this is your first time back here, you outta know what you’re agreeing to for both our sakes.”

“Ok, what happens next then?”

“well, you’ll recall that we consume negative emotions, and that we run off magic just like other monsters?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“this is an extension of that. some monster types have the ability to take others into their bodies harmlessly. if i do that, i’ll be able to sap even more negativity and also tease apart what triggered the emotions. that way we can work through it more specifically than in previous sessions, plus the negativity drains quicker.”

You blinked at him. That was one of the longer spiels you’d heard from him ever, but you were lost as hell. “That sounds great, but what did you mean about the taking into...?”

“yeah, it’s pretty similar to what you’re probably thinking. i’d essentially have to eat you.” he shrugged casually, like that was obvious.

You flinched away, feeling your heart rate spike.

“we don’t have to, if you want to try a normal session.” he offered, hands in pockets and expression neutral.

You go quiet in thought and he lets you. Everything from your previous session clicked into place, and you realized that when you’d met Obsidian he’d had someone inside while you three talked. You also realized the dim recognition you’d felt in the front room was that the client in the chair today was the same that’d disappeared into the back room with Obsidian. 

The train of thought came to a halt as you realized worrying was stupid, this was Jethro for frick’s sake! You trusted him easily, so extending that trust to allow what he clearly thought was the best move for you took little effort.

“If you think it’ll help, I’m up for it.” You say, determined.

He had a soft, almost relieved smile as he nodded in reply. 

He didn’t waste any time, and wrapped you snugly in all four of his tendrils. You were surprised by how little effort it appeared to take to lift your whole form off the floor. He flopped into one of the beanbags unceremoniously. 

So that’s what those are for. you thought as you watched him settle comfortably in the soft cushion.

You couldn’t help but tense when you were brought over his upturned face, and tilted so you were almost nose to nose (...nose to nasal bone. Whatever.) with him leaving your body hanging parallel to the floor in his grip. 

You’re not afraid, but you’re certainly nervous. Until you’re just not. You’ve done this enough to know he’s siphoning the nerves away, but this time you apparently don’t have much in the way of other emotions and are left with a hollow feeling. That utter lack of emotions leaves you to do nothing beyond going limp to make the next steps easier and watch as his mouth approaches to engulf your head. You duck your head down and find it pillowed on a tongue, cool to the touch and jet black. The light is almost immediately cut off as you’re pushed deeper in by the four tendrils around your torso. 

A wet gulp squishes into your ears and you feel a pressure over the crown of your head as your skull presses into the throat. You briefly wonder how a skeleton has such human like fleshy bits but chalk it up to the ooze over his whole bony form. A tendril slid off your body as its assistance was no longer needed, leaving a cool sensation and a slight tingle akin to mint in its wake.

Another wet sound and you’re in deeper. The sounds quickly pick up and settle into a comfortable rhythm, drawing you in with apparent ease. You eventually slide into a roomier space and flip into a somewhat seated position. You hear a sigh above you, and finally curiosity, relief, and a few other emotions take up residence in your head again. 

“you good?” You hear him ask, voice close but also somewhat muffled. 

You respond in the affirmative.

“good. get comfy, do whatever you need to. once you’re settled i can stop focusing on the anxiety of this arrangement and instead deal with what brought you here.”

You scootched into a comfortable curled position and forced yourself to cycle a breath. You used your favored calming technique and found that your nervousness first came back before ebbing completely. He’d stopped siphoning it away, but you felt fine now. You decided that you could take this opportunity to feel out your new surroundings for a moment, since Jethro pretty much gave permission. You decided to start pretty literally, pushing outwards on a wall with light pressure. Your fingers sunk in, the texture was like pressing on a gel mousepad. Cool to the touch, but you weren’t about to start shivering in here. 

The whole area was dim, but the grooves in the wall dully glowed with turquoise light enough to see your surroundings and to see where your hand was in relation to the rest of you. You weren’t blind in the pitch dark, much to your relief. (Not that you had considered that issue before agreeing to be taken in.) 

You ran your hand along the wall to further investigate and found friction minimal while not feeling wet. You didn’t quite realize you were rubbing at the wall before you until you heard a light chuckle and felt an opposing pressure from outside. You understood immediately that that was his hand pressing in at you from outside and used both hands together to push at the appendage and interact. After a moment he changed to rubbing at you like you had him, asking “did you want to address what brought you in or keep on playing in there?”

“Ha, sorry. Yeah, we should start. What do I have to do?”

He let out a long suffering sigh. “y/n, you still apologize too much.” He sounded exasperated, but was also teasing you.

“S-” You were about to apologize, but caught yourself. Well shit, you didn’t know what else to say if not sorry.

Jethro laughed a little at you, before moving on to his next point. “all you have to do is relax. first i have to figure out what went on with you, then we can talk.”

You felt the difference starkly between a normal session and this one. You could feel the stress sap out of you, and what you had to imagine having your life flash before your eyes was like but instead directly related to your recent stressors. It felt like it lasted awhile while simultaneously feeling like no time had passed.

The following discussion was long, but sorely needed. By the end you felt relief, gratitude, and a renewed determination. At some point the chamber you were in had seemingly formed itself a small puddle of what was apparently liquid magic. Jethro had already explained that it was essentially the excess magical energy his body had converted your stress into, and you thought it was much less noxious in this form. It was warm to the touch and flowed like water the best you could tell in the dim light. It had a faint turquoise glow that still managed to not cast too much light just like the rest of his magic. It filled a few inches at the bottom, so while you had your legs crossed it lapped as the tops of your knees and around your hips. You scooped some of the liquid up and absently let it fall through your fingers onto your knee.

The only problem with this was that such warmth in addition to the emotional exhaustion you were already feeling combined to make you about to fall asleep. Maybe you should ask about getting out?

“you nodding off on me in there? your heart’s slowing down.” he asked, interrupting your thoughts.

“I think so. Guess I should get out.” You found that you were loathe to move, though. You stretched your legs out, pressing your feet into the opposing wall.

“i can let you out, sure.” he said easily. A pause, then he adds “unless you’d rather sleep.”

You blink. “In here? Don’t you want me out?”

You felt the wall behind you tug upwards, seeming like he shrugged. “i don’t have any other appointments today.”

“...If you don’t mind?”

“since when do i suggest anything i’m not willing to do?”

You chuckle “Fair enough. Well, thank you.” You pat the wall and reposition to a reclined, curled position.

He gives you a pat back, “don’t mention it.”

The last thought you had before sleep overtook you was that for how crap you felt before, you felt pretty good now.

[jakey-beefed-it]

Today was... almost completely unproductive, even for me, due to various mental Crises that arose in the like... Venn diagram overlap of my sundry issues. Mental health talk below the cut so you can avoid it if you’ve got your own shit to deal with/might be triggered by that kind of thing.

Kinda did almost a checklist of disorders being problems. ADHD brain? Represented. Autism? Probably! Depression? You betcha. Anxiety? Hoo boy and then some. Mania? Maybe! Self-loathing? Energy levels off the charts, cap’n. Basically my brain was the equivalent of blaring alarms from all quarters and spinning out of control.

Anyhow I eventually managed to... not be doing that ...and in the process kinda realized that maaaaybe I haven’t been Handling My Shit as well as I thought. Like I’m medicated... for depression. Which is good! I haven’t thought seriously about literally killing myself for several years now. That’s a big improvement! Not to be sneezed at. But it’s hardly a panacea for the rest of my bullshit.

Anyhow anyhow I’ve internalized a loooot of really horrible shit I’m always speaking out against as an anti-capitalist pro-mutual-aid aspiring feminist; basing my self-worth on lots of unattainable things that I don’t even believe in but that somehow equate to me being a Failure as a Man(TM) for being a hot mess disability soup. Some of it is also no doubt related to the whole ‘Gifted’ Kid Burnout phenomenon as well. I was ‘a pleasure to have in class’ and always sought approval and validation because I had anxiety, not because I was gifted, sheesh. Whole childhood equating my value with being ‘smart’ and then having my entire ego collapse under the inevitable weight of not being able to hack it in my first attempt at college because my brain was actively trying to kill me with self-hatred that only got worse the more I failed to live up to my ‘potential’.

I’m much less of an elitist shitbag these days regarding myself as no different from any other h. sapiens sapiens in that we are all fundamentally dumb, panicky apes who sometimes need a minute to remember the whole tool-use or reason things. But while I’m really good at not holding it against other people for being dumb panicky apes, even though I don’t regard myself as better than anyone (far from it) I still somehow hold myself to these standards I long since dismissed as unreasonable to expect of anyone, much less a guy with a grab-bag of mental illnesses that makes his spongy thinkmeat even less effective than biology normally dictates. And inevitably fail to live up to them, of course. And then feel worse about myself. Forever. Well, ok, not forever, even if I do continue to manage the no-self-murder streak (which seems likely) I’m still definitely going to kick off at some point. But for my whole damn existence, which sucks plenty.

Anyhow anyhow anyhow here goes the first of hopefully many simple admissions of imperfections and forgiveness of that.

I am not a digital artist. I could spend lots of time and effort to develop those skills, but frankly I don’t... wanna. Instead of feeling guilty at having abandoned pursuit of the lovely art tablet my family got me many years ago that they ‘wasted’ their gift, I can just admit that I’d much rather continue drawing in pencil, inking in pigment liners, and scanning into a digital format for sharing on the internet. I like tactile hobbies; it’s why I get so much out of painting miniatures. And digital art is still tactile in that you’re holding a stylus and/or tablet, but it’s not the same, and I prefer physical art on physical paper. And that’s okay.

I am not a fantastic dungeon master. I’m aight. I am, in the words of the best mug ever (a gift from my sister), the “World’s Okayest Dungeon Master.” I can put together a campaign, it will mostly hang together, my combat encounters will vary from ‘pretty good’ to ‘super boring’ but my plots are generally interesting and my players keep coming back so I must be doing something right.

This one’s kind of cheating because I’ve acknowledged it before both publicly and internally for like... fifteen years ...but I am not, and never will be, a world-class miniature painter. I don’t have the manual dexterity, the patience for producing and executing many many layers of very fine glazes, or a strong enough desire to devote more effort to improvement than befits a hobby I mostly do to relax. And that’s okay. I paint pretty good, and I slowly get better. Sometimes I’m the best painter in my local store! And that’s good the hell enough to satisfy my external competitiveness, while my internal competitiveness of striving to do better than I myself have done before gets all the real attention. I do want to improve! And so I do, but at a steady pace that doesn’t stress me out.

I’m not a diligent writer at all. I like writing, and I love coming up with plots and characters, but I’m terrible at sticking to a daily writing habit. I’d like to get better at that, and I can, with effort. Honestly giving myself permission to write more fannish bullshit (Warhammer stories, SW:tOR stories, D&D stories) might help clear some of the roadblock. I don’t shit on other fan writers; I long ago admitted that it’s valid and cool when other people do it, but to this day I have still only written a handful of Warhammer bullshit and one (1) Mass Effect fanfic. All the while my idea for a novel has grown and evolved and never really gotten past a very rough first draft that is now almost completely useless due to rethinking everything because I’m not in the habit of actually writing. I can do something about that!

I desperately want everyone to like me and think well of me and never be mad at me but you know what, that’s not... remotely achievable much less healthy. I have various tendencies toward ‘people pleasing’ that tend to end up with my own boundaries trodden upon and far more people taking advantage than real friends. I am very fortunate in that I DO have some real friends, many of them online, but yeah. It’s okay if not everyone likes me. Even if they somehow did, it wouldn’t make up for the all-consuming singularity-like wound of self-loathing that the people-pleasing urge is probably trying to fill.

I can be unreliable due to my many, many issues. Most of them are mental, but some of them are physical. I can’t always do things that should be ‘easy’, whether it’s my brain saying no, or my body. Instead of making too many promises for fear of ‘looking’ disabled and/or trying to make everyone happy... sometimes I need to admit that there are things I do not have the capacity for. Preferably ahead of time, rather than bailing at the last minute or just.... not showing up. This probably would’ve been good to know about myself before I nearly failed out of college in my first attempt but hey, hindsight and all that.

I might be about as cis and straight as a guy can get, but I am not and will never be anything remotely like an Idealized Man due to my weight, disabilities, general body type (even at my thinnest I had a belly pooch and flabby chest), shit, right down to my hair but that’s got some big overlap with the Idealized Man being a straight-haired white boy when I’m merely a wavy/curly-haired white-passing boy. And shit, if I had some gender fuckery that’d be a whole other animal, but even though I kinda got assigned male and went ‘Yeah that’s about right’ I still deserve to not have to live up to some unattainable ideal.

There’s... a lot more, obviously (hoo boy is there a lot more) but that’ll do for a start.

[magpiemorality]

Ok so this is a slightly disjointed idea but, 24 hour diner with Virgil or Dee as waiter/person who works there and one of the boys is a regular customer, but who shows up at the oddest of hours. they talk one day and our customer boy tells him about slightly unbelievable happenings, and Virge/Dee isn't sure if they are making fun of him, but this continues. They become each others constant, cause life's hectic. Any ship :] - xaime

This isn’t entirely what you requested because my mind half read it and went off on a wild tangent, but I hope you enjoy! 

Combined with:

This isn't a prompt as much as it's a challenge; how many different names can you give Deceit in one short story without it being incoherent? - @loveceit

"It was a dark and stormy knight" listen, it was a pun and a combo of purple prose+virgil nickname so i figured it could become a story therefore you get it *goes back into the night* - Anonymous

AO3

***

The diner was always an interesting place to work. From the peppy college students to the millennials seeking a quirky date; from the families with rowdy kids to the construction workers that were on a project nearby; it was a great place to be a people watcher.

Just a shame Virgil didn't much like people. He was only there to finance his freelance work and pay for his rent, which made him the perfect candidate for the night shifts.

When he'd accepted the graveyard hours he'd assumed he could just get some work done, hang out in silence until the morning guy, some peppy high-school grad waiting to get into the community college a few blocks away, showed up to take over.

No one told Virgil that the night shift often got the most... interesting customers.

Case in point; D- uh, Dee something. It might have been Damien? Virgil was sure he'd introduced himself as Damien once, but he couldn't quite remember and the guy was a regular by now so he couldn't ask, either. Damien- or maybe Darren?- was a fascinating individual that had managed to pique even Virgil's lack of interest, coming in as he did every time Virgil was on shift without fail. It wasn't always the same time, sometimes Darren, or Dalziel, arrived as the night started around eight or nine (if the sun had gone down), and sometimes he arrived as late as four or five am, only a few hours before Virgil got to go home.

No matter what though, he always stayed until Virgil's shift ended, disappearing in the few minutes when Virgil headed in the back to change out of his apron and grab his stuff. What a mystery. Virgil might not have liked people but he adored a good mystery.

They talked a little every so often, just exchanging pleasantries when Virgil brought D- Derek?- his coffee or a slice of pie (homemade by the chefs but not remotely fresh; this wasn't actually the 50s and demand was too high for authenticity like that). The man was often working diligently away on a clunky laptop with no discernible brand, tap tap tapping providing a nicely soothing rhythmic background to Virgil's own work over at the counter. It was always the same volume, even when there was dead silence, or rain outside, not that Virgil consciously noticed that.

Once he almost caught a glimpse of what D...rake? No definitely not a Drake, eesh. Maybe Declan? Still not right... What Dee was going. It looked like coding, but not coding that Virgil really recognised. More like if the Matrix had been an actual thing of sorts, flickering symbols moving up and down and somehow forwards and backwards, deep into the screen. It made his head hurt a little and Dee- no wait, it was... it was... nope, gone again. Maybe Devon? Ew no. 100% not right.

Anyhow, since then Virgil hadn't ever tried to look again, feeling faintly queasy at the thought of seeing that screen again, and the mysterious Dee just kept tapping reliably away.

The mystery deepened when Virgil had to take a day shift one week. It was busy, a little annoying because he had work to do he would have to stay up late to do instead, and his sleeping pattern was immediately off-kilter after the change of rhythm, but there was something else. His regular D- David? No, too plain. He was more of a Despereaux, or a December, something like that... His regular wasn't there, and the absence was more noticeable than Virgil could have predicted. Even worse, there was some creepy man with crazy intense eyes who came in part way through Virgil's shift and would not. stop. staring. When he got his things and headed to go home the man just smiled at him brightly and he hurried to grab the bus, giving in to the urge to keep looking over his shoulder as he made his way back to his apartment.

He told Drew, Dara, Dolion, whatever his goddamn name was, next time he was on the night shift. It was like slipping into bed at the end of the day; how right it felt to be back under cover of darkness. Dylan, D-ax? That was a name right? Not his mystery regular's though... Dee seemed curious about where Virgil had been, when he served the guy his drink that night, and insisted he sit down for a chat while the diner was otherwise empty. Virgil, despite the work he needed to get done, agreed, and they spent a while having a comfortable and easy conversation that had them both laughing in turn.

That night Virgil left work with a smile on his face for the first time in a very long time.

It only took another few shifts before Desmond or Dexter or Diaz admitted he'd been rather worried when Virgil had changed shifts. He was equally worried about the weird guy that had shown up on that shift. "There are some bad people out there," he'd murmured, looking out the window into the dark streets with a faraway expression as Virgil hung on his every word. "And there are some even worse things than them that prowl the streets." He'd shot Virgil a soft smile, a little apologetic, and had turned the subject neatly onto Virgil's word, leaving the words lingering in the air, almost solid enough to touch as they followed Virgil around for the rest of the week.

That conversation turned into a part of the routine, sitting together over cups of hot, strong coffee, grinning and laughing and sharing thoughts on the world. Rarely did their own lives get much discussion, the past just seemed... unimportant somehow, when compared to the now and the what could be. Draco or Dorian or Dominic or whatever his name was, was quickly becoming Virgil's best friend, and from the genuine delight on Douglas or Diego or Daniel's face he felt the same way.

And one night his friend was late.

It was near closing and Dee still hadn't shown up. Despite the massive coincidence Virgil had never bothered to wonder why he seemed to know the right nights to visit the diner, subconsciously writing it off as nothing strange, but now he forced his worries down with the logical answer that Dee simply had other things to do.

It wasn't weird that he had never once failed to show up for the past... had it been more than a year now? Close to two, even? It... that wasn't weird...

It was weird as hell. But it wasn't anything to worry about; no that pleasure belonged to his absence. Even when Virgil went and changed and got his bag, wondering if tonight of all nights Dean or Dustin or Donovan would have appeared in that moment instead of his usual disappearance, but it wasn't to be.

The journey home felt wrong and Virgil was restless when he forced himself to go to bed, full of turbulent thoughts and concerns. "There are some bad people out there," his thoughts whispered in the early dawn light. "And there are some even worse things than them that prowl the streets."

And yet, somehow, he was there again the next shift. He looked tired, Dalton or Deacon or Demetrius. His eyes were dark and his hair ruffled, and his laptop was nowhere to be seen. He smiled though, when Virgil spotted him, already hunched down in the booth in the corner, the shadow of bruises on his face.

Virgil waited for the other lonely customer to finish up and head off before turning the never-used sign to CLOSED and bringing the entire pot of coffee over for them both. He wrapped his friend in a hug when he stood from the booth as Virgil approached, only making sure to put the pot down first.

When they fell back into the red leather bench seats, eyes on the table in front of them and silence thick, Virgil knew something was changed forever.

He looked up as Dee cleared his throat, a rueful smile on his face. "I owe you an explanation, Virgil," he said, voice hoarse and gravelly.

"Do you?" Virgil asked, looking at him curiously. Somehow it felt like he was actually seeing Dee now, like he was clear where he'd been slightly blurred before. And Dee just smiled again.

"Let me tell you a story. About a man living in a world he wasn't meant to, and someone who saved him."

Virgil's eyebrows furrowed together and he leaned forwards, elbows on the table so he could rest his chin in his hands.

"It was a dark and stormy knight," the man called Dante began. "That saved him..."

-

Masterlist | Buymeacoffee

[botwstoriesandsuch]

hey, I saw you play a keyboard (amazing compositions btw legit thought they were actual nintendo ngl), when did you start? I'm a noob, so any suggestions on hand independence? How long did it take you? (and yes I know everyone is different but still 👉 👈👉 👈👉 👈👉 👈👉 👈

But also I kinda still don’t know what I’m doing because while it’s nice and all to play the piano, I don’t know SHIT about advanced music theory which is kinda important for making music. Like I know my staccatos and vibratos and tacos and concert band terms, but fucking beats me what you pair an F minor seven chord to. What the fuck is a relative key...A major? More like a major failure amiright

Luckliy I didn’t really make music for a long time so it didn’t really matter...that was until a little game came along in 2015, you may have heard of it, or maybe you haven’t, it’s called Undertale? Yeah kinda a niche game, but anyhow I was pretty hooked on that game and I was like “hey, music tho...do be boppin.” So I learned all the songs, and I followed all the tumblr fandom blogs. And there was this one fancomic that I really liked and I was like “hey......I got a cool little idea” and I sat at my keyboard and fucked around until a thing sounded good. That’s not even me joking or exaggerating. I, a like 13 year old kid, just kinda played some notes together until something sounded decent. And thus was my very first song, which was THIS babam

THIS piece of shit somehow actually got the attention of one of the mods for that Undertale webcomic?? And they were like "hey that's really nice!" and obviously with the benefit of hindsight we all know that was a lie, but I in my eager, powerhungry, 13 year old state accepted the compliment and absorbed it into my ego forever. I spent WEEKS on this piece of shit, I even made shitty trace art...so if some random stranger that ran a tumblr blog/VA twitter said that I did an amazing job, then god fucking dammit I am an amazing composer.

So yeah after that I just kinda....did it. I LIKE TO THINK I IMPROVED FROM THAT PIECE OF CRAP but hey who knows. You just kinda gotta....play those funky little notes, I still haven't taken a music theory class and hey, I'm turning out well enough. *dabs* Hand independance.....can't relate to the struggle, ask 7 year old me and get gud kid. (OK BUT ACTUALLY, are you right handed or left handed? so just play a fancy little melody with one hand, then practice playing it with BOTH hands on different octives. It's easier than just immediately going to a different hand because your brain is wired to like...connect your fingers or something. So then when you can play your little melody with both hands, then switch entirely to the non-dominant hand and practice that till it's perfect. Then babam, you did a thing. And that's under the assumption that your dominant hand is all powerful and can play whatever. Also just....practice. Just gotta practice practice practice. It's chiche, but that's how it works. It's easier to practice if you got a hyperfixation on a certain fandom that is famous for its good music.)

Ok so LONG STORY SHORT. 1) I was four. 2) Get gud and practice. 3) I guess...2015,,minus 2020,,or wait no skip 17 and 18 i didn't do anything that year....like 3-4 years??? Dont let that scare you, I made a total of 4 songs over that period, and most of my actually good shit that I actually took seriously I only made in 2020, so I guess it's really more like 1.5 years. And hell it'll probably be faster if you actually know what goes on with notes, cause again, I just compose based on vibes and feelings, I don't know jackshit on the technical chord shit or whatever. One might note that all my shit lacks complicated chord progressions and instead relies on triplet and arpeggio movements....

Oh ALSO two more things. Forget about melody. Fuck the melody. You want a fancy catch tune? FORGET IT. The only thing that matters is the harmony and background that's it, pour your heart and soul into that first and then you can place whatever bullshit tune you want on top of that and it'll sound 600% better I promise. Then ALSO ALSO, just watch a bunch of youtube videos about people analyzing and gushing and critiquing other music, sepcifically music that your passionate about like maybe video game ost for example. Cause when you enjoy the thingy then you're eventually gonna learn stuff and then do stuff you know? That's why I don't suck as much as I should at composing, and also the similar method for how I learn literally anything else, like writing. Ok long post done.

[erza155-writes]

Trephacard dark royalty!au

Ok, I know jack shit about Castlevania video game lore except "what is a man" line and I'm just spit balling and weaving webs as best as i can, but bear with me.

So, best!/worst! timeline Trevor/Alucard/Sypha is post killing Dracula, they are kind of a bit broken, and a lot weary.

 Alucard just killed his own dad. Trevor discovered the ruins of his family and that they were basically harvesting angel magic/enochian scripture [I haven't watched season 2 in a minute, so I might have to retcon that], and Sypha has left behind she knows for a prophecy that says she becomes a murderer-- but like, for the good of humanity. 

And the thing is, I'm taking to thinking of Speakers as the 'do no harm' medics and that's nice. But Sypha after experiencing everything that she does adds the 'but take no shit' addendum. 

Anyway, the 3 of them just defeated Dracula and had their worldviews kind of shifted, if not outright overturned and usurped. So, they kind of bunker down together. Cause fun fact about experiencing trauma as a group, is that it tends to make you attached [if you don’t splinter and fall apart at the seams in an attempt to avoid any further trauma]. Anyway, in this au Sypha and Trevor don't even consider leaving because Alucard has the 'I killed my dad' breakdown way sooner than expected. And Sypha is like, 'I can't imagine ever killing my family and the toll that would take on me. And it's easy to say that it was for the greater good, but he was still your father, and it's ok to be sad.' Meanwhile, Trevor is hanging about 'I know what it's like to be the last member of your line and the kind of emptiness and loneliness it breeds, so I will be here for you, but words are hard.' So, they stay and start building a relationship and a home, I guess?

 They combine the Belmont Holding and Dracula's castle, and it's beautiful for one brief shining moment. But the thing about humanity and people in general is that they're stupid and paranoid and xenophobic. So the trio are trying to live in the woods and they're chilling and are kind of content. 

Except, one day Trevor goes hunting for their food, and surprise surprise, gets abducted by townspeople/knights in the name of one king or the other and is thrown into a dungeon and tortured for information about the 'abominations' living in the woods. But Trevor, as always, is Trevor 'Fuck You, Personally' Belmont and sasses them and he pays a very hefty price for it. Like extensive and graphic medieval torture, and minor amputations if I can stomach writing that. Meanwhile, Sypha and Alucard are Very Worried and are tearing apart the continent looking for Trevor and things are not great for people who stand in their way. Because, once again, group trauma, and romance, and they don't feel complete when all 3 of them aren't together. And it starts out with Alucard and Sypha being polite because they were raised that way, but they're always met by closed doors and scornful eyes, and they're getting desperate, and some stupid idiot tries to disparage the Belmont name, and Sypha loses it. I haven't decided how, but it is not pretty, and Alucard barely pulls her back from the brink of madness. [Hint: they're all already mad. They just don't know it yet.] 

Anyways, now that THAT incident has happened, they're more willing to use any means necessary because it has been A While since they've seen Trevor. Meanwhile, Trevor is being tortured in a dungeon and is slowly breaking down that he's going to be abandoned like this (a voice whispers in the back of his head, "like you always are. did you think anyone could care for you or love you? how delusional.") And it's not great. Anyway, Sypha and Alucard manage to find Trevor, but he is on the brink of death. It has been a while. So, Sypha tries to heal him using her magic, and Alucard's life energy, and it somehow creates a soul bond between the 3 of them. (Because, frankly the idea of Trevor and Sypha dying and leaving Alucard behind can suck major hiney.)

So, Sypha and Alucard leave a kingdom in tatters, and retreat to their home to nurse Trevor back to health. And he doesn't come back the same, (because, again, tortured for a Hot Minute) but he's learning to trust in Sypha and Alucard to take care of him.

 But while they're doing that, there's an entire outside world that's out of balance and looking for leaders. And somehow, despite the fact that none of them want to do it, and they're some of the scariest motherfuckers this side of the continent, they become rulers. [I may not have emphasized it enough, but Trevor's 'Healing' involved a whole lot of fucking and love declarations btw.] 

Sypha is the face that handles the people, Alucard handles infrastructure of their kingdom, and Trevor handles security. And everyone's kinda confused as to how their relationship works cause it's a game of musical partners. Like, they all sleep in the same room??? But Sypha is not married to either of them??? And Trevor and Alucard goad each other a lot??? Like, it should not possibly work, but apparently they do. And a lot of people try to test that, but they're a united front and no one knows how to break that because they don't know about the soul bond! 

I like to imagine that at first they start ruling by accident, and they're just trying to make things better for their people, but Sypha looks around and says 'we can make things better' and Trevor and Alucard are in love and would set the world on fire for her, so bringing her kingdoms is nothing in comparison. Anyhow, they take over Europe, and it's equal parts bloody and innovative. Like yes, the wars are bad, but Trevor and Alucard are tyrants and they usually make sure their victories are complete and that everyone is too beaten down to consider fighting back. And then Sypha comes in and provides them with aid and technology and makes life better, and that's how they gain a lot of people's loyalty. 

And so that's how it goes for about a century or so, until people get stupid (as they always do) and there's an uprising. And it somehow works because the people are being backed by Angels [who are now, and forever always will be bastards. Ameen. Thank you, supernatural and good omens for that influence] because Angels are not happy with progress because if you're busy being happy with science, you're not spending enough time and being worshipful of God, I guess. (Is this very thin and transparent and weak logic? Yes. But I'm just listing thoughts) so, the trio die together, defending what they loved [each other] and that's the end because idk how to be happy, I guess. They absolutely die holding each other btw.

Link to the mood board

Addendum:

I like to imagine that they become rulers because post torture Trevor throws himself with gusto into the predetermined Belmont Protector role. Sypha remembers looking for Trevor and how unfeeling people were, and she wants to make that world a better place. And Alucard loves them both enough not to realize he's essentially becoming his father, but with two human leashes. And it's all fun and games until assassination attempts, and power corrupting. Also, I know I said they died, but I'm definitely adding an epilogue reincarnation because if I do put anyone through all of that, they deserve a sliver of happy ending

[the-silvr-speedster]

Home

Fandom: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Pairings: Daisy Johnson / Daniel Sousa

The team meets on the Zephyr for the last time before going their separate ways. Daisy reflects on the past seven years with them while trying to come to terms with losing the only home she's ever known. In the meantime, she is trying to find a way to tell Daniel about their time loop kiss, which is not such an easy task with the lack of privacy on the spaceship. Daisy also has an awful nightmare and Daniel is there to pick her back up.

Sequel to ‘About Starfish and Squares’ but can be read as a stand-alone.

Also posted on AO3.

Hey guys! 

I am soooo happy you liked my previous fanfic and since you wanted more, and I had a lot of ideas, here is Part Two. I wanted to write something short, basically, just Daisy telling Daniel about their time loop conversation and the kiss. And once again it turned out as this massive thing, even longer than Part One. I had a lot on my mind since I started rewatching the whole series again before the finale which I am equally excited and scared to watch. However it ends (and I really hope Dousy gets a happy ending) I will cry like a baby. Anyhow, thanks for the lovely comments on About Starfish and Squares on AO3, your support really helped me with finishing Part Two. I hope you will like it as well. Sorry for any mistakes. OK, so enough of my rambling. Enjoy the reading!

FYI I used a small part of the song Freaking me out by Ava Max in one section. It just felt right considering Daisy's feelings. (And I keep singing the song over and over so...)

Disclaimer: All characters are a property of Marvel and Marvel television.

Home.

What is it? What does it feel like? Is it a place or people? Daisy used to ask these questions for years. She wasn’t the only one, though. All the other children at St. Agnes orphanage were plagued by the same thoughts, the same questions. The same hopes. Every one of them hoped that one day someone would come and give them what they want. A home. It didn’t matter they didn’t know what it meant, they all wanted it. Daisy craved it. Some children believed that it wouldn’t be strangers coming through those doors but their own parents. They would open the doors, nervously step through, and explain everything. Apologize. There would be tears, there would be hugs, and hearts mended. They would take them home and forget about the past. Even Daisy imagined it, oh, so many times. She used to just sit there and hypnotize the old creaking wooden doors in the common room while other kids played. She did it so often that she remembered every crack, every deformity that could be found on them. Sometimes those doors opened and her heart leaped to her throat in expectation. Strangers came in and took her to their home but it was always over sooner than she could think of it as her home. She was back at St. Agnes and the doors were closed again. Only one time she really thought ‘this could be my home’. She had hope but even that was crushed when the family sent her back within a month. St. Agnes was her only constant. Or was she a constant at St. Agnes? Children would come and go, they would be fostered or adopted. Daisy was one of the few that would always stay. Until she had enough of it, of course.

She dropped from high school and left. No more Mary Sue Poots. How could they name her that anyway? Meet Skye, a fierce hacker. No, a hacktivist. Once again, she thought she found if not a home then at least a place she belonged to. With Miles and the Rising Tide. But now she knows that she hasn’t found a home until that day when two agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., an organization she despised for years, came knocking on the door of her van. She didn’t know home until she met Phil Coulson and his team.

She kept her eyes trained on the person in question as he was busy talking with Fitz and Mack. Well, not him, really, just an LMD version of him. She couldn’t wrap her head around it. It was him and it wasn’t him. He died. She mourned him. He was like a father to her, more of a father than her own father. No, Coulson was her dad. Or is. Or whatever. She kept coming back to their conversations during the time loops. Daisy was afraid Coulson was going to do something unexpected, like turn himself off permanently, after their mission was over. She just got him back - in a way - she couldn’t lose him again. But he didn’t and he doesn’t belong in this world anymore. Just like her, Daniel, and Deke.

Well, it’s really hard to think about Deke as someone who doesn’t belong here. He is like a tardigrade, he can survive anywhere and anytime, obviously. She is reminded of his ‘80s band, the Deke squad, again. She shakes her head, smiling. He was thriving in the ‘80s just as he was in 2019. She has no doubt he will be more than okay even now. That also has her thinking about what he’s going to “borrow” this time. First it was tech and then songs. Maybe now he will finally come up with something original. Daisy moves her eyes to him. He’s sitting next to Simmons and Diana, excitedly speaking of something, nursing a beer in a glass from Deke Squad’s official merch that he somehow managed to sneak on the Zephyr before they left the ‘80s. There were at least dozen of boxes of t-shirts, glasses, headbands, keychains, and who knows what else. Daisy has found out about it only two days ago, when Deke decided to move the boxes and managed to break the main controls panel on the bridge with one from the heavier ones.

“What the hell, Deke?” She yelled, after she reached the bridge and assessed the damage.

“It broke,” he told her innocently.

“Are you kidding me? It broke? On its own, huh? You had nothing to do with it at all, right?” Daisy stood there in the middle of the bridge, hands on her hips, scolding him like a child. She sighed. “Fix it. Before Mack comes back and sees it.”

“On it!” He called and tried to hurriedly leave the bridge but tripped over one of the boxes that were lying all around.

“Why are all these boxes up here?” Daisy came towards one of them and was about to peek inside only to be abruptly stopped by Deke. “What’s in there?”

“Nothing! Just some personal belongings,” he said maybe a little too fast.

“Oh, really?” She asked him incredulously. Daisy pushed him away and opened the box. She furrowed her brows in confusion as she saw its contents. Glasses. She moved to the next box. She took out a t-shirt. “Why do you need all of this stuff, Deke?”

“It’s Deke Squad merch! I couldn’t leave it just lying there on the base!” He defended.

Daisy looked at Daniel, who was watching their interaction with an amused expression, rolled her eyes, and then shoved the t-shirt into Deke’s hands, letting out an annoyed sigh. “Get it out of here.”

He nodded and started to move the boxes around.

“I’m going to help him,” Daniel informed her with a look that said ‘just to be sure he doesn’t break anything else’ while stepping carefully around the closest box.

“Alright,” she gave him a grateful smile. “I’m going to wake up Coulson and order some pizza.”

“Pizza for breakfast? Really?” He eyed her doubtfully. “I think I can do better than that.”

“It’s lunch already,” Deke spoke up from behind a stack of boxes.

“Why not have a pizza for breakfast?” Daisy asked with a shrug, completely ignoring Deke’s remark. “Pizza is always a great idea. Plus, you have work to do here. You can’t make us a proper breakfast.”

“It won’t take forever to put these away,” Daniel assured her while stepping closer. “I’ll be in the dining area in a few minutes and trust me I’m going to make you a breakfast sooner than they would deliver pizza.”

“Wait, did you guys just wake up or something?” Deke commented still hidden behind the boxes. But for her, it was like background noise.

Daniel was now standing in front of her fixing her in place with his eyes and giving her a small smile. She felt him take her hand in his. He brought it up to his lips and softly kissed her knuckles. Daisy could feel the so long forgotten feeling of butterflies in her stomach and tried to fight the blush creeping to her cheeks.

“Okay,” she mumbled quietly.

“I’d rather have pizza,” Deke said as he emerged from behind the fortress of boxes he just put up. Daisy quickly took her hand from Daniel’s and both of them made a step back from each other. Deke eyed them suspiciously.

“Yeah, uh, I’m going to wake Coulson up,” Daisy threw over her shoulder as she hurried away from the bridge leaving the two men behind.

Daisy thinks of that pile of lemons Deke once placed in her bunk. They really had a weird way to express affection in the postapocalyptic future he’s from, that’s for sure. Somehow that feels like a long time ago. The talk they had when she tried to explain she’s not ready to let anyone in. Not then, maybe not ever. Not after Lincoln. The pain, the guilt, and the regret she felt for so long keeping her heart locked away. Hidden and safe. The ghost of her love for him lingering deep within it. Love that remained unspoken since she never got the chance to tell him ‘I love you’. She remembers how Deke’s hope was crushed by her words. The kicked puppy expression he had on his face. Daisy didn’t want to hurt him but she didn’t want him harboring hope for something that might never be. She wonders if he still has that crush on her. ‘Most likely not,’ she told herself, a smile tugging at her lips. He moved on and somehow, she did too. What looked like an impossible thing less than two years ago, now became a reality. She has no idea how or when things changed. Maybe it was around the time she and Simmons were high on those puffies on Kitson. Maybe she needed that to happen to realize what she really wanted. To be honest with herself. She told Jemma she wants her own Fitz and the realization of what she said stayed with her even days after that, never actually leaving the back of her mind. But the planet needed to be saved again so she pushed it away and forgot about it. That memory floated back up just a few days ago. The memory of her and Jemma under that gaming table in the casino.

Daisy’s eyes flicked towards Daniel and remained on him, studying him. He and Mack took shifts at preparing the food on the grill. Now it was his turn. Meanwhile, he listened to the conversation between Mack, Fitz and Coulson and often joined in. And of course, he never forgot to send her a look or a smile, to make sure she’s okay. He was just laughing at something Fitz said, judging from Fitz’s awestruck expression they were probably grilling Daniel about his past and SSR. Daisy grinned. Fitz is going to talk his ear off. She looked at the bottle of beer she was nursing in her hands and tried to collect her thoughts. While the memory from Kitson resurfaced only a while ago, her confused feelings caught her attention during the time loops. More precisely, she realized that there is something there, that wasn’t before. There’s a heart now, where there used to be a ghost. She kissed him and remained silent about it. It freaked her out, that’s why she kept it quiet until the mission was over. She often acts on impulse and then freaks out.

Daisy let out a long breath and looked at Daniel again. She still hasn’t talked to him about their kiss in the time loops, not for the lack of trying but for the lack of privacy, among other things. The last few days were crazy.

When Daisy walked into the dining area Daniel has already started making breakfast. She’s probably spent more time talking with Coulson in the LMD lab than she thought.

“That smells amazing,” she called from the doorway.

“Told you it’s going to be good,” Daniel said over his shoulder.

She can’t exactly tell when he decided to be her personal chef but it might have started after he caught her eating breakfast for dinner one evening in the ‘80s. Who says she can’t have cereals with milk whenever she wants to?

Daisy walked closer and hopped on the counter next to him. “Hmm, pancakes are the best,” she agreed while jabbing her finger in the pancake batter and tasting it.

“Oh, no. No eating the batter, young lady,” Daniel scolded her with a teasing grin while he took the bowl away from her.

“Hey, don’t be such a grandpa about it,” she said, pretending to be offended. “What’s that?��� She pointed towards a bubbling dark purple mass in another pot.

“That’s a sauce made from forest fruit mix I found in the freezer with a few secret ingredients I won’t disclose,” he winked at her.

“Someone’s being secretive,” she teased. “It looks delicious.” Daisy leaned over the pot and took a deep breath. “I can smell some cinnamon, hmm…maybe few drops of vanilla extract…a drop of love…” She paused, opening one eye, spying on Daniel’s reaction. He was giving her an amused look.

“Now, why would I use a love potion?” He teased back with a smirk.

Daisy regained her sitting position and dramatically sighed while pretending to be occupied by looking at her nails. “Yeah, you are right. You don’t need one.” It took her a moment to realize what she has just said. Better yet, what underlying meaning those words held. Her breath caught in her throat and she carefully looked up at him. Daniel had that soft look on his face again. That look she always wants to kiss away. She had to look at her hands. “I mean you are so likable. Everyone here likes you,” she babbled quickly.

“I don’t make pancakes for everyone,” he told her softly and she had to look up at him again. Those warm honest eyes. Suddenly she’s back in the time loop. ‘And you…you’d like to…be that someone?’ ‘Not for everyone.’ Oh, God. She has to tell him. Right now.

Well, in the hindsight…She never should’ve distracted him while he was making pancakes.

“You guys are making a smoke grenade or something?” Coulson spoke up the same moment the both of them noticed the burning pancake batter on the pan.

Everyone came back to the Zephyr to say the last goodbye. And by everyone, she means even Andrew, whom May has dragged along after long hours of explaining to him why his wife is a different person from the one he came to know over the years. Telling him she has empathic abilities. She also mentioned that he is Inhuman and their daughter might be as well. It must’ve been an interesting conversation. Daisy would’ve liked to see it.

With all those people coming on board, the spaceship started to become more and more crowded. It’s not that she wouldn’t be happy to have all of them here again after a few days of it being just her, Daniel and Coulson, but she kind of misses the privacy it provided. Maybe that’s why she is tucked away in a corner alone, watching over all of them. Her team. No, not a team. A family. Because teams break apart, families not so much. They always stay together, even if it’s from afar. A family never gives up on you. Well, maybe some families do, some are messed up like that. ‘Like my biological family,’ she thinks. But not this family. They never gave up on her. Yes, there were some initial reservations after she got her powers, but Coulson has never given up on her. Not when she chose the Afterlife over her family in S.H.I.E.L.D.. Not when she broke more than just their hearts after being infected by Hive. Not when she walked away them to become a vigilante after Lincoln sacrificed for her, because of her mistakes. Definitely, not when she started to believe she’s the Destroyer of Worlds. They gave her a chance after chance. They let her grow. She is not the same person she was almost seven years ago. She is not that wide-eyed girl living in her van being obsessed with superheroes and revealing the truth to the world. Skye died in that Kree temple and Daisy Johnson has been born. Or did she? Daisy likes to believe that a small part of Skye is still left somewhere inside of her. She liked Skye. She may have been naïve, but she wasn’t burdened by that darkness Daisy has inside. By those demons and nightmares.

“A time loop?” Daniel asks her.

“Fun, right?” Daisy comments with a sigh, her eyes scanning through the contents of the drawer… ‘Wait, what?’ She looks up confused. They are back in the time storm. ‘No. No, no, no…no. Not again.’ “Daniel? What the hell is-” She starts to say but he cuts her off.

“This is why I wanted to stay with this team. Do you ever have a day when something crazy doesn’t happen?” Daniel asks a little too excited.

“It’s been a while.” She speaks involuntarily. “Hey! Daniel?!” She waves her hands frantically in front of him. He doesn’t notice it.

“Reminds me of my SSR days,” he tells her, nostalgic smile on his lips.

“We just need to get that implant out,” she says and decides to just take the scanner but Daniel stops her.

“Wait! It’s a trap,” he warns her.

“But we don’t know that yet.” Daisy looks at him confused. ‘Why would I say that? We know it’s a trap. This…this has already happened.’

“We do. You said somebody obviously went to the drawer and…,” he pauses. “Simmons was supposed to get the scanner, right?”

“Yeah, until I told her I was gonna do it.” Daisy looks around as the lights start to flicker. ‘Something doesn’t feel right,’ she thinks.

“Every attempt so far has been on Simmons. She’s the one they’re trying to kill,” Daniel says looking at her.

“Maybe, but we still need the scanner.” ‘Oh.’ He’s gonna take it. She can’t let him do it again. She reaches for the scanner but her hand goes right through it. ‘What?’ Fear starts to settle in her bones.

“Right, but if I die, I’ll just, you know…reset. No problem. If you die, you’ll lose your memories and waste all this time relearning everything. Time, we don’t have,” Daniel explains and reaches into the drawer without a second thought, grabbing the scanner.

“What are you doing? This is crazy!” She says trying to move from her place but to no avail.

“This is my purpose. I know that know,” he tells her a flicker of blue in the brown of his eyes. His voice is getting weird. Muffled, like by a static on a radio…

She tries to look around for something, anything to help her take at least one step closer to him so she could take that scanner from him. ‘Something is way off.’

“Why would you-”

“To make sure this worked. To make sure you didn’t try this yourself,” he cuts her off and when she looks up it’s not Daniel standing there anymore, but-

“Lincoln? What…” She pauses, looking at him in shock. He’s wearing the same S.H.I.E.L.D. jacket he had back then. Yo-Yo’s necklace is hanging from his fist. His face is bloody and his blue eyes are piercing through hers. “It was supposed to be me,” she mumbles quietly, tears running down her cheeks. “You should’ve let me die!”

Lincoln gives her a sorrowful smile. “I would never let you die.” His voice is echoing around her. She can feel its vibrations in her bones. “So, it’s fine,” he mutters, a little surprised, looking at the scanner in his hand.

“No! It’s not. Let go of it!” She screams hopelessly. “You can’t just die for me like this. This is wrong!”

Suddenly she hears a weird sound coming from the scanner and Lincoln lets out a groan. A shadow of confusion crosses his face. However, as he leans back against the table he fades in and out like the flickering light above them and finally changes back into Daniel.

“Sousa?!” Daisy calls to him. “Daniel!” He looks up at her with fear in his eyes, blood spilling from his mouth. “No!”

“Hey, hey, hey, Sousa,” her body finally lets her move close to him as he starts slipping to the ground. She tries to lower him more carefully until he sits down. “Hey, Daniel, look at me. It’s gonna be okay,” she tells him, a quiet sob breaking her voice. “It’s gonna reset. You’ll be fine.” She sits down next to him and let him lay down on her lap.

“Why is it taking so long!” She yells into the empty ship. Daisy cups his cheek with one hand and strokes his dark hair with the other one. “Please, stay with me,” she whispers almost inaudibly. “It wasn’t supposed to be like this. The time loop has to reset. It always does!” A stray tear drops on Daniel’s forehead. “Please,” she begs, sobbing. “Daniel!” But he doesn’t hear her anymore.

She watched hopelessly as the last light slipped away from his eyes. She could feel how his heart gave its last weak beat. He was gone. He died for her just like Lincoln did.

Suddenly she feels too much. She feels every vibration around her, but not those she needs to feel. Those of his heartbeat. It’s like her own heart is trying to beat for them both, picking up speed until everything around her shakes. But she doesn’t care anymore. Panic and pain are clawing at her chest making her breathless.

She sees her mom, lying there lifeless after Malick snapped her neck. She sees Enoch. She sees Lincoln floating in midair. Lash. Her mother again. Triplett…The room is becoming filled with bodies of those she cared about but had to die because of her.

“It has to reset,” she mumbles weakly. “It has to reset. It has to reset. It has to reset.” Daisy closes her eyes and hugs Daniel closer.

Daisy.

“Lumley said that we should stay the hell away from you.”

She looks up at the sound of that voice. It’s Coulson. The real one.

“I had a chance at healing up from this,” he points to his chest, “but I gave the serum to you.”

Daisy.

“He said that wherever you go, death follows.”

Daisy!

“He was right.”

Daisy!!

Wake up!

*******************************************************************************************

The plane was shaking. Daniel woke up in his bunk with a start. At first, he thought they are taking off somewhere but that didn’t make sense. None of the four of them knew how to pilot the Zephyr. Daisy managed to fly the quinjet on her first try back in the ‘80s, but that-

Then it hit him. “Daisy!” Those are her quakes…

He jumped out of the bed and stormed into the corridor where he almost collided with Coulson.

“Where’s Daisy?” He asked him worriedly.

“Hey, guys? What’s going on?” A very sleepy Deke looked out from the door of his bunk. “Why is everything shaking? Are we going somewhere?”

“She is in her bunk,” Coulson informed him ignoring Deke completely and Daniel didn’t waste any second standing there as he hurried towards Daisy’s bunk. “I was going through the supplies when this started. I was just about to go check on her. She’s probably having a nightmare.”

Daniel stopped before her doors and faced Coulson with a concerned look in his eyes. “Nightmares cause her to quake?”

“Only the really bad ones. Actually, she didn’t have an episode like this in forever,” he explained with a mixture of sadness and worry. “I think you should check on her.”

Daniel was about to ask him if he’s really okay with it being him but the plane was hit by another strong quake and the light started to flicker above them. He gave a nod to Coulson and opened the doors to Daisy’s bunk.

Daisy was lying mostly still, the only evidence of her discomfort being her tear-streaked cheeks, the way she was grasping at the blanket and her rapid breathing. It physically hurt Daniel to see her like that. So strong and yet so vulnerable.

“It has to reset. It has to reset,” she started mumbling from the dream and another wave of tears slipped from under her eyelids. “It has to reset. It has to reset!”

Daniel was at her side in a second, wiping the tears away from her face and caressing her hair.

“Daisy,” he tried softly.

“It’s about the time loops.” He heard Coulson comment from the doorway.

“Daisy,” Daniel tried again, carefully cupping her face in his hands.

Another, even stronger quake hit the plane. Daniel heard something clatter to the ground and another distinct sound of a breaking glass somewhere in the dining area. He looked around just in time to see Coulson leaving to assess the damage, followed closely by Deke. He turned his focus back to the still sleeping woman.

“Daisy!” He tried more loudly this time.

She whimpered.

“Daisy!! Wake up!”

Her eyes snapped open with a loud gasp. She shot up into sitting position, the unexpected movement almost making him fall from the side of her bed. She was looking around in bewilderment, gasping for air.

“It’s okay,” Daniel told her with a calming voice, his hands going to her face again, forcing her to look at him. “You are safe. It was just a dream.”

“D- Daniel?” Daisy mumbled. Her brown eyes meeting his. They held so much pain and fear.

“Yeah,” he gave her an encouraging smile, his thumb gently stroking her cheek. “I’m here. But Daisy, you have to stop quaking.”

The shaking stopped suddenly. She raised her hand from her lap and softly put it on his chest, right above his heart. He saw a flash of relief on her face before it was replaced by guilt. She looked down.

“Hey! Don’t feel guilty about this. The plane survived a time storm, this was nothing,” he spoke calmingly.

“Is everyone okay?” She asked him quietly.

‘Of course, she would worry about everyone else but herself,’ Daniel thought to himself. He gently raised her chin so she would meet his eyes again.

“Yes,” he assured her. However, the moment he looked into her eyes he saw they no longer held pain or fear or guilt. They were just…empty.

“Daisy?” He started softly. “Do you, uh… Do you want to talk about it?”

She considered it for a moment but then shook her head and let her hand fall from his chest back to her lap, her eyes following.

“Okay. You don’t have to.” Daniel let his hands drop from her face and moved further back to give her some space.

She was sitting there quietly, her long hair cascading around her face, hiding it from him. Daniel realized that the silence is even worse than her quiet sobs while she was still asleep. He wanted to help her somehow but he didn’t want to push her further away by insisting on talking about it. He considered leaving, because maybe she just needed more space but he didn’t want to leave her alone. She shouldn’t be alone not if the nightmare was so bad that it caused quakes.

Daniel thought about what Coulson has said. ‘Was it really about the time loops?’ She hasn’t told him much about what happened in there. He knew only the general stuff Coulson and Daisy told the whole team about after Enoch’s sacrifice. They’ve been in there for a long time, finding a way how to save everyone almost at the last second. Nobody else remembered but the two of them, probably because of their sleeping pods. Some members of the team died during the time loops because Enoch was programmed to kill if anyone tried to remove Simmons’s memory blocking implant. Was her nightmare about that? Possibly. It would give nightmares to anyone.

“Do you want me to leave?” He decided that at least he should give her the option even if he wanted to stay.

She quickly looked at him, a flash of panic crossing her soft features. A clear ‘No’ to him. But then she composed herself and looked away.

“Yes,” she whispered almost inaudibly.

He raised an eyebrow and sighed. She is not making this easy at all.

“I think I’ll stay anyway,” Daniel exclaimed.

“I told you to go,” she looked up at him a light annoyance on her face.

“See, you tell me to leave but you don’t actually want that,” he gave her a small smile.

“How do you know what I want, huh?” She asked him, anger seeping into her voice. “I want to be alone.” Daisy moved further away from him.

“Honestly?” He sighed looking at his hands and then back at her. “I know people like you. Focused on the greater good, even at your own expense. You want people to think you like being alone, even though you always end up back with friends,” Daniel told her and met her eyes again. The annoyance was gone. She was looking at him with a mixture of shock and…surprise? He decided to push his luck further. “You all keep running at the problem full tilt until you either solve it or slam headlong into a brick wall. But you don’t have to deal with the aftermath alone, even though you think so. You should have someone there to pick you back up. Someone to help you unload that burden or share its weight.”

Daisy closed her eyes and let out a long sigh. Few tears escaped from her eyes and she frantically wiped them away. She laughed, but it was a sad laugh.

“I am trying to be angry at you but I can’t. Not after…after you say…that,” she spoke. “You know, we had a very similar conversation in the time loops.”

Daniel raised his brows in surprise but decided to stay quiet and let her continue.

Daisy sniffled. “I asked why you are always there, whether to help me or watch over me, and you gave me the speech you just did. Again.” She looked at him in curiosity. “So, uh, you want to be that person for people like me?”

Daniel gave her a small meaningful smile. “Yes. But not for everyone.”

“You said that, too,” she smiled sadly. “You are right, you know. I…I want you to stay. But I also want you to go. My life’s a mess. I…People I care about tend to get hurt…,” she took a deep breath and added very quietly, “…or worse.”

“Daisy-” Daniel started to say but was cut off.

“I have demons. My past is…” she shrugged and wiped her tears away again.

“We all have skeletons in our closets,” Daniel told her. “I am not scared of yours.”

“You should be,” she murmured.

“Let me be the judge of that. One day. When you are ready.” He decided to risk moving a tiny bit closer and taking her hand in his. He looked into her eyes so she would see that he really means every word he says. “I am not going anywhere.”

For a brief moment, he could see the fight in her eyes. But it was there just for a few seconds. New tears ran down her cheeks but she made no move to wipe them away this time. She moved closer instead and hugged him, burying her face in the crook of his neck.

Daniel’s arms sneaked around her waist pulling her close. He could feel her tears seeping through his shirt. He sighed and when she let out a muffled sob, he comfortingly stroked her back.

“They are all leaving,” she said between sobs. “I’ve never thought it would come to this. They are the only family I’ve ever known.”

His heart ached for her. “And they will never stop being your family. Families change, grow, their members go their separate ways but always come back together.” It made him think of his own family, of his home. He couldn’t even say goodbye and will never see them again. He lost it all in a blink of an eye. But he was supposed to be dead and now he got a second chance at life. As Coulson said - a life after death.

“I know,” she mumbled. “But it won’t be the same.”

“No, it won’t,” Daniel whispered into her hair.

Daisy let out a yawn.

“Maybe you should try to rest a bit more,” he suggested.

She leaned back and he could see the uncertainty mixed with fear in her eyes. She was scared of the nightmares. “Will you hold me? I promise I won’t quake you out of the bed,” she gave him a small teasing grin.

“Whatever you want, Quake,” he teased back and she caught the collar of his shirt and pulled him down with her.

*******************************************************************************************

Daisy knows now that she can’t let her demons stand in the way of her happiness. Those demons are in the past but will always be a part of her. A part she will share with Daniel one day, as well as he will share his own demons. Yes, she is scared that she could lose him like Lincoln but a small part of her has a hope that it won’t happen this time.

‘We are going home.’ Four simple words Daniel said to her in that barn. Words that kept her fighting. Back there it was just a promise to make it back to the Zephyr, because where was home? Her only home were the people on board the Zephyr, her team and family. Where was home for Daniel? She couldn’t ask him then. They plucked him out of his time, his home.

Maybe she is losing her family in some way but maybe she will gain something else. Her own Fitz. Maybe, she already has.

‘We are going home.’ It could be a promise of something else. Now those words could mean more. She can feel that warm fuzzy feeling in her chest when she thinks about it. When she thinks about him. She smiled, her eyes fixed on Daniel as she took a sip from her beer.

“Just kiss him already,” May spoke up from beside her.

Daisy choked and slapped her hand over her mouth to prevent herself from spitting the beer out. She coughed a few times and May hit her on the back.

Privacy. She misses it.

“May! What the hell?!” She exclaimed annoyed and berated herself for not realizing that May sneaked up on her. And her feelings. ‘Shit.’ She gave her a glare.

“Just saying,” the older woman shrugged. “You know, there are bets going around on when you two finally become a couple. Officially. They refused to let me participate because of my empathic powers.”

Daisy groaned and rolled her eyes. “Mack and Yo-Yo already had one bet when we were in the ‘80s. Not sure what it was exactly about but Mack won,” she shrugged thinking that it may have been about the kiss. “You guys are the worst; one doesn’t have any privacy.”

“We are just happy to see you smiling like that. To see you happy again,” she patted her on the arm. “But please, do something about it already because this…tension is killing me.”

“I was going to, but as I said, there is no privacy on this spaceship with all of you here,” Daisy defended her lack of actions. She really wanted to tell him the morning after he stayed with her because of that awful nightmare but Mack and Yo-yo were already back and they probably heard about that nightmare from Coulson because they both wanted to go check on her which ended up in Coulson calling after them: “I strongly advise you not to go there.” She could hear their ‘Why?’ followed by a surprised ‘Oh!’ from Mack. She remembers as she quickly shot out of the bed, Daniel’s confused ‘Daisy?’ following her. She rushed into the corridor with ‘I am fine, thank you’, closing her bunk behind her and added: “No weird assumptions are needed.” The three teammates were looking at her in amusement.

“Yeah, everyone is here, as in here and not there,” May pointed at the bridge since they were all in the cargo bay with the ramp lowered down.

Daisy considered what May was proposing but quickly refused the idea by shaking her head. “Nope.” She could already see the faces of everyone after she and Daniel would be seen leaving the bridge together.

“You can’t wait to get rid of us, can you?” May teased.

“Maybe,” she snickered. “At least I’ll spare him from the if-you-ever-hurt-her threats from you guys.”

“Mack already beat us to it,” May gave her an amused smile.

“Oh God,” Daisy facepalmed.

“While you were on the way to save Simmons and Deke,” the older spy added mischievously.

“What?! But that was a week ago… Oh,” she sighed when she realized that Mack was very quick to do it after she told him about the time loop kiss. But she wasn’t even sure what to do about it back then. Or was she? Why everyone around her seems to know her better then she does? And more importantly - what else did he say to Daniel? She looked towards where both men stood, chatting over the grill.

“Uh, I should probably go check on what they are discussing now,” Daisy said and finished the rest of her beer.

“Go mingle. After all who knows when we get the chance to be together like this,” May smiled sadly and she, too, went to join the others.

Daisy watched her go for a short moment, set the empty bottle on a table, and walked over towards Daniel and Mack.

“Hey, guys. What do you have there? I’m starving.”

*******************************************************************************************

The team spent the rest of the evening and the beginning of the night by sharing their memories, laughing and teasing each other. They remembered their fallen friends and maybe even cried a little. Nobody wanted to be the first to leave. They all knew that when they do leave, it will be the end of their journey as a team. Eventually, Fitz and Simmons decided to go first since their daughter was already sleeping curled up in Jemma’s lap. Fitz said his goodbyes and took still sleeping Diana into the car.

“You know, this isn’t a goodbye,” Jemma told Daisy with shaking voice, tears running down her cheeks. “It’s see you soon.”

“I know,” Daisy sniffled and wrapped her best friend, no, her sister, in a bear hug.

“It would be lovely if we lived close to each other. Diana needs her auntie Daisy,” Jemma mumbled into her shoulder.

“Yeah. That would be great,” Daisy smiled through tears. “I am so happy for you, Simmons. You have Fitz and Diana, your little family,” she moved her hands to Jemma’s shoulders to look her in the eyes. “I know you’ll be okay and that makes this all a little less painful. You won’t be alone.”

The scientist chuckled. “You won’t be alone either,” she said and looked sideways at Daniel, who hovered nearby watching over Daisy, to make her point.

Daisy let out a soft laugh.

“It’s so good to see you this happy again. So, what are you guys planning?” Jemma asked her with a grin.

Daisy shrugged. “I thought that maybe I can take him on a small trip to show him how the world changed. After that…,” she sighed, “I honestly don’t know. I guess we both need to find out where we belong in this new timeline.”

“You’ll figure it out. Together. I’m sure of it,” Jemma told her comfortingly and hugged her again. “I love you, Daisy.”

“I love you too, Jemma.”

After Fitz-Simmons departed, the others left one or two at a time. Mack and Yo-yo were the last ones, leaving almost in the morning hours. Coulson decided to go with them, which really surprised Daisy since the possibility of him leaving too didn’t cross her mind. But as he said, every one of them needs to find a place in this new world and he is not an exception. He assured her he won’t be gone for long.

“It’s just a trip,” he said. “And take care of each other,” he added over his shoulder as he was walking down the ramp.

She stood there, looking after them until she could no longer see the lights of the car. Just like that, they were all gone.

A fresh morning breeze played with her hair. Daisy shuddered. She has heard Daniel walking down the ramp before he put a jacket around her shoulders. She didn’t even realize he went inside to grab it for her.

“Thank you.” She wiped at her tear-streaked cheeks and smiled, not yet looking at him.

“It’s nothing, but you are welcome,” he replied as he stood next to her.

He was so close she could feel the warmth of his shoulder on her own. She could feel the vibrations of his heartbeat. Her hand brushed against his and he took hold of it, their fingers intertwining. That touch grounded her in the moment and place. It assured her that she is not alone. Daisy let out a long content sigh. She knew that now was her time. They were finally alone.

“I need to tell-” she turned to face him but was cut off midsentence after Daniel crossed those few inches between them and pulled her in for a soft kiss. It was short but it caught her off guard. His right hand was still holding hers and his left cupped her cheek. She briefly opened her eyes to look into his and she thought she’s going to drown in that dark chocolate. Whatever she wanted to say was long lost with only one thought on her mind. Daisy leaned in and kissed him back, both her hands grabbing at the collar of his shirt to pull him closer, while his arms snaked around her waist. This kiss was different than the previous one. It was like finally getting a glass of water after dying of thirst in a desert. It was urgent and it left them both breathless. They remained close afterward, trying to catch their breaths. Daisy was beaming and Daniel was looking at her like she was the most precious beautiful thing he has ever seen.

“That was much nicer than our first kiss,” she told him quietly with a playful smile tugging at her lips.

Daniel frowned in confusion. “This was our first kiss.”

“Hmm, not for me,” she hummed, moving her right hand from his neck to his chest. She could see the moment when it hit him.

“The time loops. You kissed me in the time loops,” he said with a light chuckle and shook his head in disbelief.

“Why do you think it was me?” She asked with a gasp and smiled at him teasingly.

“And am I wrong?” He smirked smugly while he stroked her back.

It sent shivers down her spine and she had to force herself to concentrate. “Nope. But you, Mr. Sousa, kissed me back,” Daisy disclosed and pinched him in the chest.

“Hmm, that’s not fair. I don’t remember that,” he gave her a sad look.

“I can make you remember,” she whispered as she caught his face in her hands and brought it down to hers to kiss him again, exactly like in the time loops. Daniel responded to her kiss by pulling her even closer. One hand cupped his cheek and the other sneaked around his neck. She pulled away too soon for his liking.

“It was like this,” she whispered, her hands dropping to his chest.

“Nice,” he smiled. “But short.”

“Oh! So, that was too short for you, huh? We were plummeting towards certain death and needed to trap Enoch,” she told him exasperatedly. “You, Danny-boy are lucky I found the time even for that short kiss.”

Daniel laughed and eventually, Daisy joined in.

“You were so cute. With that soft expression on your face after the kiss. It took everything within me to stop myself from kissing you again,” she admitted while playing with a button on his shirt.

“Were you going to tell me about it?” He wondered.

“I was about to tell you before you kissed me, so…” Daisy shrugged and smiled at him sweetly.

“Hmm, I can do that again,” Daniel offered and his eyes darkened a bit.

“Yes, please,” she breathed.

*******************************************************************************************

Daisy and Daniel were sitting on the cargo bay ramp which gave them a nice view of the horizon. They weren’t really that tired and neither wanted to move from that spot after they exchanged a few more kisses. They sat down and Daisy cuddled into his side. It’s been so long that she watched a sunrise. A start of a new day. The beginning of something new.

“We can’t live on a plane,” Daniel said thoughtfully. “We need a proper place to call home.”

Daisy smiled and slowly looked at him, her eyes roaming over every small detail of his face lighted by the rising sun. His features were relaxed and peaceful. She wanted to imprint this face into her memory to keep it forever.

The words ‘we’ and ‘us’ and the meaning they held used to freak her out. But with Daniel, it’s somehow different. She is not scared of them, on the contrary, hearing them warms her heart. She sighed.

“What?” He asked her, a questioning smile playing on his lips as his eyes melted into hers.

Daisy leaned in and planted a short but sweet peck on his lips. Then she pushed herself back to look at him again, enjoying the soft almost dazed expression on his face.

“I like the sound of that,” she said in a low voice, giving him a lopsided grin.

“Sound of what?”

“Home.”

How am I gonna live my life without this TV show? Without Dousy? I guess we are all gonna meet here to scream after the finale, so see you then! I’ll have to wait until Thursday evening, though.

[thejosh1980]

Don't you know that you're toxic?

I was in a toxic relationship...

In fact I have been in a few... But the last one is the one I can still remember in some detail...

The first few, well they were immature drunk and disorderly scenarios. They are not important in this story, other than you should be aware I was pretty repetitive towards my approach to relationships back then.

The story I would like tell is about the 7 year old relationship that ended in March 2019.

This particular relationship had the biggest effect on me, my well being, and my happiness. And even though I married an amazing woman earlier this year, that last relationship is still a reminder of the baggage I have held onto since my first relationship.

It's time I unloaded that baggage and shed my skin.... Even if it's just a little bit... You know, small steps...

So, lets call my ex “Grumpy”...

In fact that's a name an American girlfriend of a drummer of a band we were watching called her once in Germany, literally minutes after meeting her. I should have seen that red flag even back then...

Look, Grumpy isn't a bad person, deep down I think she means well... But she just hasn't been able to get past her past... She wont let go of any stubborn insecurities, learn new coping mechanisms, and she wont forgive herself, or you for that matter... At least that's what I've experienced with her.

It's like whenever things don't go her way, whenever she's frustrated or doesn't know how to cope, she'd revert back to a 14 year old girl, which is when she had troubles with her Mum.

I mean honestly, who didn't have troubled teenage years??

I'm not saying she doesn't have a right to feel pain about some significant event or trauma, but she surely can't hold it over my head and expect me to hang around, forever...

During our relationship, I explained to her, that when I went into therapy (which at the beginning she thankfully helped me do) I had no idea what to expect. But I knew I couldn't continue the way I was and expect a happy outcome.

It took a long time, but I processed many of the issues and events of my past, which in turn helped my current situation and had a positive effect on my future. I learned new ways on how to cope with current problems, insecurities and learn to take responsibility for my actions and choices in life...

I forgave my Dad for not being a good father. I understand, he just didn't know better and chose not to learn how later in life... It's no excuse but I find some comfort in knowing I wasn't the problem. These days, I can be comfortable in his presence, no longer hoping for the Dad I've always needed, but enjoy his company for what it is...

I forgave my sister for her misgivings. She's a tough cookie, and very jealous of me. I think she's very jealous of my relationship with Mum, but my sister hasn't taken responsibility for her actions, and therefore it will be a long road before I can trust her, but I'm totally OK with that. She has her problems, and they are not mine to take responsibility for, anymore.

My grandparents on both sides were hard work over the years. I thought it was my fault too! But really it was their lack of empathy and understanding that created an atmosphere of negativity. They had every opportunity to be a good example to an impressionable young me. Luckily I learned to forgive them, even if I didn't actually say that to them while they were still alive. I forgave them and myself for contributing to the escalation, rather than finding resolution.

Grumpy knew I did this (and more) in therapy, and refused to consider it.

Now in all fairness, I originally refused to entertain the idea of counseling too, as I had a negative experience in my younger days (just like Grumpy), but when I reached my first breakdown around 2014 in a foreign country, I knew I needed help and I asked...

You know, I know she's still hurting over her past...

How can I tell?

Because it's been 18 months since I broke up with her, and she continues to create drama, instead of “adulting” and talking to me about it.

She's had every opportunity to deal with these post break up problems we all have had to go through like an adult (you know, splitting up the household belongings etc), without fail each time she has deflected, ignored, created more drama, lied or done something else that shows me, she has not recognized her part in our story.

Let's face it, it takes 2 to tango...

I've come to realize she treated me the way she did during our relationship, because she took me for granted. She thought I'd never have the courage or strength to actually leave her. I sure proved her wrong, didn't I!!!

We started our relationship drunk, and continued like that for 2 or so years. Grumpy and I could drink a lot, and did... We both were a bit rounder then too! We were never fully honest with each other or ourselves. I would say, we probably should have just been a short term fling, because we both weren't ready for long term, but we dived in anyhow...

That journey got me here, and that's totally fine. I have no regrets...

In case you didn't know, I wasn't a very strong person back then. I had little self esteem, and little self worth. So it was easy for both of us to “beat on” each other verbally and not resolve any issues. That's easy to do when someone just can't listen without demeaning you, without taking your feelings and smashing them against the wall... I was always ALWAYS in trouble. She was too sometimes back then... We both were in trouble...

As time went on with my therapy I processed a lot of things, and became ready for long term... I also knew I wanted to move back home, down under, eventually. That would be a hard decision, with or without Grumpy. I just couldn't imagine piling on more stress on top of stress with that relationship. I came to realize there was no future there unless something changed. We had to listen to each other, we had to trust each other, we had to respect each other.

I know I am not perfect, but surely if I can forgive her for things, she could step my way a little... Couldn't she? Didn't she have the power to learn to forgive? I mean really forgive someone and love them for all their faults? Didn't she have the power to grow? Unfortunately she didn't... I knew she didn't process anything because she was bringing up stuff from 2 or 3 or 6 years ago...

When I sobered up and seriously got into therapy, I had no idea what road it would take me down... But after talking about all my family issues, social anxiety issues and depression, the last thing was Grumpy. It took almost 5 years to get to the point where I acknowledged I was unhappy, I realized I didn't trust her and I couldn't see a future with her...

I just couldn't talk to her anymore. We just didn't trust each other anymore... That's the point...

The day we broke up, I had written her a letter, and I read her this letter. I read out a letter I had spent weeks writing making sure my adult words were being used (because without the letter I knew I'd revert to something less mature and less communicative). I clearly stated after trying many times, trying for years to correct our problems, I had come to realize we couldn't go forward. I decided we would break up to save each other from unnecessary pain. I couldn't see any steps going in the right direction in our relationship anymore...

I loved her, but it just wasn't working out, and didn't show any signs of improving.

Her first words were “I knew it” with tears rolling down her face...

I didn't want to do it, but I made a choice... Based on the past, for the present, to better my future.

Honestly I don't know if she wanted to recognize any of those times I tried to talk to her. She didn't want to see the signs. When she got frustrated and yelled at me, and I sat quietly listened and did my best not to raise my voice back. When I tried to talk sense to her she'd react like I was talking crazy.

Maybe she was scared? After all, change is a scary thing.

I changed a lot in those years since I started therapy and stopped drinking, always hoping Grumpy would come my way a little... For several years I was a huge contributing factor to our fights, but as time went on and I learned and grew, I started to de-escalate those fights. (Which generally made things worse!).

Apparently she didn't get the memo...

And she continues to blame me for that mistrust, because that's the way it goes when you don't take responsibility for your actions... It's always someone else's fault... The world owes me...

Even though she's been in a committed relationship since the beginning of 2020, she still hasn't let go of any anger, hurt, or resentment towards me. Her actions clearly show she hasn't processed our relationship, start, middle, or end, and would prefer to block me or stop all communication with me, before dealing with herself. She'd prefer to tell everyone else how bad I was, what I owed her, what I did to her, than think about her actions and how they affected our relationship.

It's like history repeating itself... And I am finding freedom in the fact I am no longer a character in her story.

I'm quite sure she'll keep the narrative within her circle of friends to make her look good, and me bad. But I like my narrative more (who wouldn't?), I feel we both were a mess... We were having a negative affect on each other. How or why, isn't as important as learning that communication, trust, forgiveness and respect are the things that were missing...

In fact, I think she dislikes anyone who has shown personal growth... It scares her... I think she's comfortable in her denial... She blames her Mum or her grandma... She blames me... Not once had I ever heard in all her years of coming home from work, “Oh it was me...”, “I did something wrong...” or “I messed up, I better say sorry...”

So how could I stay with someone who didn't take any responsibility?? How can I love someone who doesn't say “sorry”?

I was heart broken during the time leading up to reading Grumpy that letter...

I went back and forth in my head, could I see a future??? But in the end I couldn't... The one thing I realize, that is so important in my relationships, is good ol' communication. We lost that, when we lost the trust... It all turned toxic... Manipulative.... Twisted...

I wish her all the happiness the world throws at her.

We all deserve happiness... But Grumpy, sometimes you gotta work at it...

I could spend my time blaming her for so much of it but in the end, it was down to me. I am the one master of my fate... Just as she is... Then and now...

Thanks for reading,

Josh

[constantfluxx]

FAREWELL WANDERLUST BY THE AMAZING DEVIL FOR THE TUNE CRUISE * SCREAMS *

HI I AM THE ONE WHO REQUESTED FAREWELL WANDERLUST AND FORGOT TO SPECIFY WHICH SHIP. OF COURSE. GERASKIER OR JASKIER POV WHATEVER REALLY, OK? THANKS. ILU.

🎶The Evening Earworm Tune Cruise: The SS 200🎶

Port of Call: Geraskier! 🐺👨‍🎤Itinerary: Farewell Wanderlust by The Amazing DevilCaptain: @kiomaya 🧜‍♀️

Farewell Wanderlust, you’ve been oh oh so kindYou brought me through this darkness but you left me here behindAnd so long to the person you begged me to be

He took in a deep, steadying breath. His fingers trembled around the neck of his lute. Eyes closed, he mentally coached himself, willing his nerves to settle at least long enough for his voice to sing true. It’s just another performance. How many times have you done this before? It’s no big deal.

Except he knew he was lying to himself.

This was hardly “just another performance.” Far from it. It took him forever to finally write a song sharing Geralt’s “defeat” of the dragon with the world. Even longer to perform it. And, when he finally did, it was… not his best work. One could hardly expect him to sing such a tale with such passion and intrigue when its epilogue was laced with a pain he couldn’t bring himself to bare. It was technically perfect, as his work of late usually was, but the emotion was missing. He was missing.

This song… This performance… This is where it had run off to. Where it’d been hiding ever since his return from that mountainside. It took him longer than he’d like to admit to finally recognize it as the problem - or perhaps he’d known all along, but refused to acknowledge it because it would reopen too many wounds, resurface too much hurt. Finally, the lacerations across his heart had begun to scar just enough for him to look, to examine, to embrace.

All that had happened… It was an indisputable part of him now, no matter how much pain it caused him, and would continue to cause him. He couldn’t move forward while leaving a part of him in the past - it was all or nothing, and he understood that now.

He doubted the unsuspecting townsfolk filling their bellies at the local tavern particularly cared to hear about his heartbreak. Songs of joy and adventure and triumph tended to draw far more coin than songs of misery and suffering and defeat. But this wasn’t for coin, not primarily anyhow. For this one song, this one performance, it wasn’t about the job.

It was bout reclaiming himself. About owning his life. About declaring his agony so irrefutably that he would have no choice but to recognize it as his own and finally, finally, start to address it head-on.

And wasn’t that a kind of personal victory, in its own, awful way?

He opened his eyes. He gazed out upon his feasting audience, upon their grumbling banter and stomping feet and clanking flagons. And he saw hair of white, and swords of silver, and eyes of yellow.

Delicate, flitting fingertips plucked away the beginning notes, deceptively light and whimsical. His voice followed in sweet accompaniment, painting the first syllable in a long, arcing embrace before twirling into its prancing opening measure.

“You look like I need a drink he winked as he slipped from my grasp to the barAnd you are?”

As he rounded out the opening lyrics, the catchy, playful tune drew those listening ears into a light nodding alongside his rhythm. Just as he’d once been distracted by Geralt’s splendor, so too were they taken by his light sing-song, and even as something more sinister began to sneak between his words they sooner suspected the start of some grand tale than the foreboding of tragedy.

Sooner just evidence of the Witcher’s social neglect than a pattern of distancing dissent.

“Every time that you fumble, I’m the laugh from the backWhen you think about him, my wings start to flapWhen you make a mistake, my feet lift from the floorAnd when you lie there awake every night love, I soar”

The notes were turning darker. The words weren’t turning towards a new tomorrow. Rather than circle back, they basked in their darkness, reveled in the furrowed brows and wary glances. His pace built, the ebb and flow of his song’s tide swirling into a tumultuous churning from shore to shore. Too late to swim to safety, the listening hearts searched for the sun - surely it was just around the corner, just after the next typhoon?

Surely, he’d come to his senses and warm up to the company?

“I’m the heartbreak that aches far too much to be shownAll those letters unsent and that garden ungrownI’m the captain of courage you’ve eternally lackedI’m the Jesus of wishing to Christ he’ll come back”

The wave crashed down upon them. Hope of survival glimmered in its wake, breaking free of the surface for a vital breath of precious air. A single ray of sunlight touched their faces… but it proved only to be the eye of a surmounting storm, one which raged more furiously than anything before it. It dragged them back down into his suffering, and like troublesome dogs their faces were forced to behold his wretched distress. But rather than recoil away from the filth, they stared, held in place by the voice that wrapped around their necks like nooses. They witnessed the unfolding of his wounded heart, the casting aside of the love that had poisoned it, and the thrashing of his despair in this pit he’d been left in.

How could someone so beautiful be capable of something so cruel?

“Come devil come, she sang, call out my nameLet’s take this outside cos we’re one and the sameOur god has abandoned us, left us, insteadTake up arms, take my hand, let us waltz for the dead”

The notes of his lute had slowed once more, heavy and trudging. Where once had been whimsy now there rang spite: a lesson learned, and with it the reckless abandon of love’s unburdened prisoner. Only here, at the very depths of his sorrow, could all his emotion at last gather into a crude ladder he could use to pull himself out. Because Love had cast him down, he stood up. Because Love had said he couldn’t, he did. Because Love demanded he stay, broken and defeated, he threw Love away, put himself back together, and reached for something new.

He didn’t know what kind of life could possibly come after Geralt, but he knew, at least, that he’d rather search and know than never even look.

“Farewell Wanderlust, you’ve been oh oh so kindYou brought me through this darkness but you left me here behindAnd so long to the person you begged me to beHe’s down. He’s dead.Now take a long look at what you’ve done to me?”

It was hardly a happy resolution. It was ugly and gritty and tormented, but then what else could have ever come from this war? Nonetheless, as he led his audience into this final arch of their journey, his song blossomed into a kind of vindictive triumph, one that dared the world to try, just try and drag him back into the darkness. It would not, it must not, they collectively swore.

Perhaps, one day, Geralt would come back. It’d be splendid if he did - truly. For then, he could see the rotting carcass of the man Jaskier had to shed in order to forge himself anew. Then, maybe, he’d realize the sins he’d committed, recognize the way he’d sheared Jaskier’s heart to shreds and cast them off the mountainside.

But whether or not he ever did would no longer be a thing Jaskier concerned himself with.

“He’s down, He’s deadHe’s gone, He’s lostHe’s flown, He’s fledNow take a good long look at what you've all done to me”

As Jaskier declared his final words to the crowd, his fingers flew along the strings of his lute, releasing its last, swelling vibrato through the small tavern. The sound grew and grew, until at last it burst into an abrupt silence that swept in and suffocated what few lingering embers might still yet burn for the captivating Witcher.

For a suspenseful moment, not a soul dared disturb it, and even when the daily rumblings of the tavern began to creep back into place no one offered applause - such a thing just didn’t seem right after such an emotional experience as the one which had just unfolded all around them. Not even Jaskier himself offered any levity to the situation, trading his usual bow and playful quip for a simple nod of his head, more for himself than his audience. A small, silent affirmation of his deed, a thanks he afforded himself for finally releasing his pain to the winds of change.

He turned from them and retreated back to his sparse belongings, joining the rest in the tavern in a strange normalcy that pretended like nothing had ever happened. Not but a single soul challenged it, stepping towards him so quietly he hadn’t noticed them until a tiny, trembling finger touched the sleeve of his doublet. Startled, he turned to regard his visitor, a now-distant corner of his mind wondering if he’d find a calloused hand gloved in black.

Of course not. The touch had been too small, too flighty, too careful.

She stared up at him with a round, teary-eyed face, mouth hanging slightly ajar as she still searched for something to say. Studying him, seeing her own shaken state reflected in him, her brow furrowed, and in her eyes he saw an approaching understanding. At last, she murmured, taken with frightful awe, “That... was miserable... ?”

His eyes flickered down, catching the glint of a small trio of coins sequestered in her upturned palm. He knew well what her drifting, questioning inflection reached for, but he only smiled and shook his head, folding her fingers closed around her coin.

“Sometimes, my dear,” he whispered, voice still shuddering from lingering passion, “life is miserable.”

He paused. Chuckled. Hoisted his lute upon his shoulder by the strap of its case.

“And that’s okay.”

[sylusfruitss]

Hey welp I was your post I thought of writing ya ^_^ Sooo my name is Luna. Welp I am 20 years old law student, who likes to read, dance, play with animals, watch any kind of movies or series. I am also very shy at first when I meet people, like I do little reading on them, but with my friends and family I am crackhead, crazy and weird. I also have weird humour. Also I am more homebody and like to stay home then go outside, but there are occasions when I just want to go wild.And I love animals.

Ah! I'm totally thinking....

Namkook!

Like father like son!

Both boys would notice rather quickly that you would read at any time

Since you likes to read, both of them would give you books that they would recommend to you

Both of them would want you to give them books to recommend as well!

And if you guys would have free time or would want to relax, then books would be the best option!

And I think reading Jungkook would be the one of the last options he would have available

But Jungkook wouldn't really care about it at all, at least he got to spend some quality time with you and Namjoon

Other than reading, all of you would dance for fun as well

You guys would try many different dance styles

Overall you guys would want to slow dance with each other as well

And that must be romantic!

But most of all, all of you love to have pets and hang out with animals of all shapes and sizes

Jungkook would the the boy who would buy you any animal that you would like for your choosing

Of course he would want to surprise you with the pet as well

Namjoon would help you care for the animal

As well as Jungkook of course, let's not forget that!

Namjoon would always go shopping and buy the products you need for your pet

While Jungkook would want to watch over your pet with you!

Anyhow, both of the boys love animals as well and would take time to take care of each other's pets

Yet you guys would want to cuddle with each other and your pets as you watch any movie or tv show

All of you guys would take turns to pick out anything that seemed interesting to you and the guys

Both Namjoon and Jungkook of course would want to take pictures of all of you together

Both of them would want to cherish memories with you for the rest of their lives

And you would probably do the same as well

Yet once you give a little sense of humor to them, they would instantly start to laugh

Even when one of the boys would be down, or would be insecure about themselves, you would always bring at least a smile to them

And they would return the favor as well by giving you a lot of kisses and cuddlea to come!

Or they would go out and get you flowers... Even if that was much

And they would give you humor as well, wanting you to laugh as well

And I would have to admit, Jungkook would not think that he would be the best at joke making

But truly, he would make you laugh so hard you would fall to the floor!

However Namjoon would be the one to go outside the most

Yet, Jungkook would be the one to stay inside with you the most

While Namjoon would be gone, Jungkook would give you and him some alone time (at last)

Namjoon would come home and give you items of things that deemed to find interesting to you, him, and Jungkook

Of course, you would be grateful for it as well

However on days where you would want to go outside, Namjoon would take you to explore the city and other places that seemed to find interesting to the both of you!

Jungkook would go out with you as well, but not as much as Namjoon though!

Overall, all of you would want to stick together through all the tough times in life, you guys would never want to split apart, never ever!

!SMUT AHEAD!

Not even going to explain who would be dominat

But they both would be

You and Namjoon would want to have goofy type of sex

Jungkook and You would want to have meaningful type of sex

Both of the boys would want to take turns with you

Namjoon would be the first one to go

He would slowly kiss you as he would remove your clothes slowly

Jungkook would be behind you as he created hickeys for everyone to see that you were theirs and theirs only

Namjoon would remove his clothes as well and would have to be on top of you while you would be the bottom

Namjoon would slowly ease into you while he waited for your ok to continue

Would go faster as he would go, but not to rough though, he didn't want to hurt you to much

Once Namjoon would be done coming, Jungkook would be next

He would place you in the doggy style position

Jungkook would tease you by rubbing the tip of his dick on your lips of your vagina

Of course of you would start to beg, he would slam into you on one swift motion

Would go as fast as he could go

He would hold onto you as he would not fall on top of you

After a couple of minutes, he would come and produce a long and loud moan to come out of his mouth

He would pull out and would need a moment for him and you to breath

While you guys would relax, Namjoon would be the one to start a shower just so you guys would clean yourselves off from all the stickiness you guys had on your bodies

Namjoon would carry you bridal style into the bathroom

Jungkook would follow behind you

All would go shower with each other

After, Jungkook would be the one to carry you to bed

All of you would talk about random things before you would fall asleep

The next morning, none of the boys would be beside you

However, they would have 3 full baskets full of your favorite flowers to start your day off fine

Both of the boys would write their own notes to you

Would explain that they were sorry they wouldnt be with you that morning due to work

Would make it up to you once they would get home

And would tell you to get a lot of relaxation before they come back home

Overall these guys are the most sweetest and they would act as gentlmen to you as well

And they all would be proud of you that you would be apart of their life

And they would never want to loss you again and that would be the truth

(I hope you like this angel, it took a while for me to figure this out but I'm thinking this would be the best ship for you honey! Love you forever!)

[three-houses-text-files]

claude/hilda

c-a support + paired ending

c

Claude: Huh? Are you actually reading, Hilda? I thought you hated studying. Hilda: Oh, hush. It's just a letter from my brother. He sends them all the time. C: Your brother, huh? Isn't he known as a great general of the Alliance? A true beacon of— H: Don’t even start. That's got nothing to do with me. C: Uh oh, better not let your brother hear you say that! 'Twould break his fraternal heart! But all joking aside, it sounds like he really cares for you. H: You can say that again. He must be rather bored too, now that the situation in Almyra has settled down. C: Ah, the Almyrans. The "eastern menace," as they're often called. I did hear your brother had fought them a number of times. C: In fact, I hear he's even gone toe-to-toe with Nader, the great Almyran warrior. H: "Nader the Undefeated," was it? Just another grizzled old man, as far as I'm concerned. H: But my father was ecstatic when he heard my brother had defeated him. H: He paraded my brother all over our territory. What a pain that must have been for our people. C: A pain? Any celebration is something to be enjoyed! Celebration puts smiles on faces faster than anything. C: I'm sure even you at least congratulated him, right? A smile from you would surely mean the world to your brother. H: Well, sure. Then he got all worked up and started saying things like, "I am the protector of Fódlan!" C: That's not far from the truth, you know. Why do you think the Almyrans have been so quiet lately? They're wary of your brother. C: If House Goneril of the border were a bunch of weaklings, the Almyrans would have invaded Fódlan a long time ago. H: You talk about it as though you've spoken to the Almyrans yourself. C: Well, I am heir to the leading house of the Alliance. I'm privy to all kinds of information, whether I like it or not. (pre-skip) C: Well, I am the leader of the Alliance, after all. I'm privy to all kinds of information, whether I like it or not. (post-skip) H: Hm. You act so nonchalant about your studies, but you know so much about politics and history. H: You're a hard guy to grasp, you know that, Claude? C: Oh, I disagree. I'd let you grasp me any day. My hand, my heart, even my neck. C: But if you want to know all of my secrets... you'll have to bare yours as well.

*if anyone’s curious, hilda’s brother’s name is holst

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b

C: What are you writing there, Hilda? Wait, let me guess. You're replying to one of your brother's letters, right? H: Of course. It's a pain, but I make sure to always send him a response, otherwise he'll worry. H: It's much easier than when we lived together. A few letters here and there are a small price to pay for this peaceful, brother-free environment. C: Well, that's a fine thing to do, regardless of your reasons. As for me, it's been far too long since I've written to my parents... H: Oh? I thought your father had died. C: Not quite. He's still alive and kicking...as far as I know. The late duke who died in an accident was my uncle. H: I see. I do recall you mentioning that your mother was born into the Riegan family. H: What's your father like, if you don't mind me asking? C: He's quite the extravagant character. When I was a kid, he used to tie me to a horse and drag me around. H: Excuse me?! C: In all fairness, I was quite a little brat. The horse thing sounds worse than it is. There's a sort of trick to it... H: A trick I hope I never need to learn. Your mother didn't step in and make him stop? C: Gods, no. She'd just laugh right along with him. If my father is extravagant, my mother's more like a warrior goddess or...maybe a demon queen. C: This one time, she got into an argument with my combat instructor and wound up in a full-on fistfight with the guy. C: What's more? She won! My instructor was a mighty warrior, undefeated in a hundred battles, but even he was no match for her. H: Huh? But your mother is a lady of nobility! C: True, but she was the kind of woman to elope with the man she loved and throw it all away. Not your average duchess at all. H: Ooh, they eloped! I like that. It's so romantic. H: Imagine, abandoning your family forever to be with the one you love! Not everyone can do that. C: It's not a question of can. It's a question of will. C: Even someone like you, who generally despises effort, would pull out all the stops for something you really care about. Isn't that right? H: Excuse me? I put in plenty of effort! C: Hey, that was a compliment! Anyhow, I look forward to the day when something inspires you to try your absolute hardest. It will be something to behold.

——————————————————————————————

a

H: I feel like I'm drowning in responsibilities. H: Claude, take my mind off it all! Regale me with another of your weird childhood stories. C: OK then... How about an old story from a foreign land that my dad told me when I was a kid? C: Once upon a time, there was a white camel that got separated from his herd... H: I'm so happy for that white camel! I really thought he was gonna die! C: Was that story really worth bawling your eyes out over? H: It was wonderful! Don't you know how moving that story is? C: You know, I never thought much of it until today... But seeing you bawling like that, I do appreciate it a little more now. H: What's that mean? C: Well, you're always fake-crying, aren't you? Getting all misty-eyed to make people think you're a delicate flower. H: What?! You're awful! I only cry when I'm sad! C: Claim what you like, but I can spot real tears from fake tears any day of the week. Fess up. H: Hm. If you understand me so well, maybe it's because you're no different. C: How's that? H: When you smile or laugh, it's not sincere. I can tell. H: I've only seen you genuinely smile a handful of times. Like when you're talking to the professor. C: Well! Good one, Hilda. You hit me right in the gut. C: I guess you're right. I'm not so different from you in that way. C: But how did you come to realize that? Have you been watching me that closely? H: I'm afraid so. My eyes seem to wander toward you, of their own accord... H: Waagh! Hold on! Forget I said that. I didn't say that. C: Nope—no can do. Forgetting isn't something this crafty brain of mine is capable of. C: Besides, my eyes have a tendency to wander in your direction too. How else do you think I found out about your fake crying? H: Huh? What are you getting at? C: Say, Hilda... Once everything's settled down, do you want to come meet my parents? C: I mean, don't get the wrong idea. You just seem interested in my family. C: Besides, you've opened up to me quite a bit, but I still haven't let you in on my own secrets. C: If you meet my parents, I think you'll understand. Though it might come as a bit of a surprise. H: Your family? I'd be lying if I said I wasn't curious. C: Well then, if neither of us changes our minds before the opportunity presents itself... Let's agree to go visit my home together. H: Although, if it's a long journey, my brother might not be too happy. C: True... That might be a tough nut to crack. As tough as Fódlan's Locket...

——————————————————————————————

paired ending

Entrusting the future of Fódlan to his friends, Claude left for Almyra to take his place as heir to the throne. His family saw that he had grown strong and allowed him to claim his birthright. When he became king several years later, he made the surprise announcement that he would make Hilda his queen. Having studied with her brother to prepare for this moment, Hilda demonstrated an uncanny talent for diplomacy, and greatly contributed to establishing friendly relations between Fódlan and Almyra. The presence of a Fódlan-born queen for two consecutive generations did much to alter Almyran values.