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#(( idk im nervous to look at that stuff
fiendishartist2 · 1 day
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random astroboy doodles that idk if i'll finish
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skunkes · 5 months
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Before: i cant tell if the way I've stylized this body is Right or not...i dont want people to think that I'm stupid and don't know what im doing so i guess i better learn anatomy
After: i have learned and am learning anatomy, but i dont want people to think that im stupid and don't know what I'm doing if i exaggerate it so I better keep the stiff, rigid, "correct" anatomy instead of stylizing it to fit 👍
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quirkle2 · 8 months
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who wants zombie au writing. don't answer that ur getting it anyway (1.6k words)
His shoes knock against the old flooring of the house, wood creaking under rubber soles that slide over the woodgrain. He drags them a bit, lifts his limbs up no more than he strictly has to, and they lead him to the nearest sittable surface.
The couch is old and dusty and has likely gone untouched for months, much like everything else nowadays, so he watches the thin cloud of dust billow off the cushions largely with disinterest. He collapses into the fabric heavily, feels the whole thing scoot back an inch and hit the wall behind him. The sound echoes, carried by lifeless rooms, while he unceremoniously drops his backpack to the floor by his feet.
The breath he lets out is slow and methodical and born of pent up muscles, aimed at the ceiling where he rests his neck against the back of the couch and relaxes every limb one by one. It’s a process he forces himself through, if only to rid the constant ache beneath his skin.
Slow, sweeping footsteps meander around the room in front of him, and Ritsu angles his gaze down from his craned back position to look at his brother. He wanders, like he so often does—seemingly aimless, but there’s something procedural about it that he’s convinced he just hasn’t figured out yet.
Shigeo’s empty eyes crawl along the hearth of the fireplace, explosions of ash sprayed out across the red brick. His head tilts up to trace his attention around the angular lines of the television, hung on the wall and screen grey with dust. He flits back and forth between the roundness of the bricked mantle and the sharp edges of the screen, like he’s taking notes.
Shigeo paws the television. Four lines of muck are cleared. The zombie blinks, paws at it again with dusty, curious fingers. Ritsu watches him make a mess of the television screen in silence, blinking tiredly.
He almost closes his eyes, but he fights against the urge and moves his fingers down his lap to reach for his bag. His middle hooks around the loop at the top and he lugs it up and into his lap, where he unzips it and peers into the shadowy contents.
Ritsu fishes out the water bottles. He finds the one with the messy R scribbled along the cap in sharpie and takes a big swig of it. It’s warm going down, constantly insulated in a bag of old, sweaty clothes. He feels like he can taste the odor in it, but it clears the grain in his throat from stomping all over dirt roads today, so he’s still grateful.
He holds out the one labeled S to Shigeo. “Thirsty?”
Shigeo looks at him from where he’s crouched down to the floor now, inspecting the soot along the hearth. Unfortunately, he sees handprints in the black already, and when his brother reaches a hand out to take it, his palm is covered in soot.
He lets him have his fun and settles his own bottle back in the mess of tangled clothes and rolls of bandages. Ritsu rakes his fingers through their stock with no real purpose—he knows exactly what’s in here, and none of it is useful.
They’d been searching all day; Ritsu doesn’t really know how far they’d walked, but it had to be a lot of miles. In and out of stores, up and down empty houses, weaving between warehouses—they didn’t really stop for a break. Not when Ritsu can hear Shigeo’s stomach from here and he himself has shaking hands. They can’t afford a break.
Nothing, though. Not a single goddamn thing worth taking. A settlement must have come through here long ago and swept the highway. They’re in the countryside, where houses are spaced out acres from each other and there’s entire cow pastures between properties. And yet every house they’d seen and entered provided nothing.
Ritsu stares into the negative space in his bag where there should be supplies. His stomach cramps and if he smells another whiff of that godawful sweaty, bloody sweatshirt he still carries, he’s going to throw up bile.
He leans away from the open pouch, eyes wandering to his brother who draws… something into the soot of the hearth. His water bottle sits on the floor, abandoned and still unscrewed. Ritsu leans forward with great effort and a grunt, leaning over his bag to grab at the top of it.
It takes him two tries to get Shigeo’s attention, and one more for an answer on where the cap is. It’s then placed in his palm, covered in soot and also saliva. Ritsu swallows down the nausea that rolls up his throat and wipes it off with his frankly already disgusting sleeve, and screws it back on.
He leans back again, succumbing to the urge to let his eyes rest, and he listens to the very subtle swipe of his brother’s hands across brick. There’s birds outside, chirping, and even though it’s still very much a common occurrence, Ritsu cannot help but feel nostalgic about it.
If he ignores the awful hum of silence, and the distinct lack of an electric thrum throughout the walls, and the fact that this is a stranger’s couch and not his, he can almost imagine normalcy. He can almost say this feels like those quiet moments after school, when he settles on the couch and scrolls through his phone in a house that only holds him and his brother because their parents simply aren’t home yet.
He can almost hear the creak of wood from Shigeo walking around his room upstairs. He can almost tap his fingers on the couch cushions to the pattern of his brother making his way down the steps. He can almost hear the fridge opening, and the sound of milk being poured into glass.
Almost. But Ritsu listens to sharp silence instead, and he tries not to think too hard.
He drifts for a while, feels himself truly sink into the couch and let the cushions claim him, and he thinks about nothings because if he doesn’t, then he’ll lose it. He carefully sifts through the nothingness of his mind, through the passing thoughts that have no bearing, and he focuses on that, on the lack of substance. His head is too full of things that have too much substance.
He misses boredom. He tells himself he misses boredom—the complete insubstantiality of it—because if he lets himself think of what he really misses, it’ll drive him insane.
The cushions move, and Ritsu peels his eyes open and lets himself get pulled from liminal mindspace. The cotton in his head recedes, and he blinks, and then he’s swiveling his head to look at his brother who sits in the cushion right next to him.
His hands and the cuffs of his hoodie are smothered in black. Shigeo sits hunched, gaze still wandering even when there’s not much decoration in this house to look at. He studies the off-white walls, the chips in the paint, the holes drilled in where there maybe used to be photos hung.
Ritsu gazes at him quietly, chest instinctively rising and falling to match his brother’s rhythm. He watches the expansion there, under his hoodie, in the subtlety of the folds and the way they warp over the movement. It’s slightly quicker than what he’s used to, but Ritsu knows his brother’s heart rate is much slower. He’s felt it before. He’s listened to it before, with his ear against a chest.
Ritsu’s attention moves to his eyes, and the heavy bags underneath them, and the paleness of his pupils and the ghostlight of him underneath that. He stares into them, looks for stray, familiar thoughts that might enter his head. Looks for old memories that might shine through in the form of recognition when he sees furniture layouts, and candy wrappers, and ads for soda.
Ritsu looks for it all the time, that glint of familiarity. And he finds it, sometimes. And really, he thinks that’s keeping him going more than food ever will.
Shigeo turns his head, and looks at him. Sometimes, when his brother looks at him, there’s not much there. No substance, no anything. And Ritsu finds it a bit evil that he craves silence in his own head, and yet noise in Shigeo’s, and often times it is the other way around.
His brother looks at him now, though, with that comforting recognition. That growth of the pupils, that softening of the hard edges of his face where unknown stressors have gotten to him. Ritsu wonders what zombies get stressed out. He figures it’s the same deal with humans, considering they’re largely alike.
Ritsu wonders if Shigeo knows he’s sick. He wishes he could ask him. He wishes for a lot of things. Silence in his own head is one of them.
Ritsu swivels his head away and stares at the ceiling, if only to force the thoughts to pause. He studies the popcorn ridges above them, traces the peaks with his gaze. It calms him, gives him something to focus on. He looks for patterns in the shadows they make.
Shigeo shifts next to him. And then he shimmies down, settles into the cushions, and plops his head right down on Ritsu’s shoulder.
Static roars in his mind and his heart stammers. Ritsu swallows the lump in his throat but that just makes it bigger, so he clamps his mouth shut and breathes carefully through his nose.
The tears cut through the grime on his face. He plops his own head down against his brother’s, and lives in the noise.
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du-hjarta-skulblaka · 19 days
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I have had a VERY busy week (positive but very very socially draining) and I am ABOUT to have a few days of work and then ANOTHER very busy week (work, 2 different appointments and a job interview) and I just wanna take a moment and remind myself that I may take longer to do things than average but im still DOING them and it's. Okay to still feel tired several days after making a phonecall
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fox-guardian · 1 year
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me: yeah I dunno if I want too much attention on my sideblog 😳 I'm p nervous about it 😳 what if i get Perceived or smth 😳 I've never done this before 😳 I won't maintag or anything, so not Too many people see it
also me: why numbers not go uppy
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piplupod · 2 months
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are you the most annoying person in the world or do you just need to eat something: a memoir by me
#i feel like absolute shit rn fsdjkl#i think i talked too much today even though i barely spoke at all#but every time i talked someone else had smth to say and then the leader guy had to keep coming back to me like ''what were u saying?''#which was rly nice of him but like. if i just kept my mouth shut then he wouldnt have had to do that at all fdjskl#i mean like. he did ask me questions directly a few times. so he was trying to help me have opportunities to speak#but fsjkl i just. i feel bad for talking bc i know everyone else wants to talk constantly#and i can do without speaking fsdjkl i just... i kept stumbling over my words so badly and it was rly embarrassing ;-;#but i'd get nervous and panicked bc i knew i'd be interrupted at any second so i was just trying to find the shortest way to say my thing#but then i'd trip over my words bc i was so nervous and it'd take too long#and i just felt like i wasn't putting enough effort into my tone so i probably sounded rly flat today and i just. urgghhh#holding my head and tugging at my hair. why can't i just be normal dgjkl why am i so fucking annoying and weird and difficult#i dont know 😭 today was rly difficult bc i was just feeling kind of awful and like i was in the way all day#i did find some yarn colours i need at a flea market though and also some dip pens that i've always wanted to try#i figure $3 is a steal of a deal to try out dip pens instead of buying them brand new for like $30 fdsjkl#so there was something good from today! i just feel like i was annoying to be around all day idk fdsjkl#i honestly probably was totally fine sdfjkl i just. argh#and i hate going to stores w the centre bc i end up following the group leader around after a while bc i dont ever buy anything#i look around at the stuff i like to look at and then i am done and don't want to be a nuisance by being hard to find when everyone-#-else is done so i just figure sticking by the group leader is the best idea. stores dont like when i hang around the front for long fdsjkl#but then i just feel like a weird little kid trailing after their parent 😭 i wish i could just be an AdultTM but augh augh augh#what a fucking weird thing for me to do dsfjkl i just. dont know what else to do bc stores get annoyed w me if i wait at the front#and i dont want to wait outside bc then they'll forget im out there and look for me inside when theyre done LMAO#if i had income then maybe i'd be able to spend longer looking at things but fdsjkl theres only so much looking u can do when u dont buy#pippen needs 2nd breakfast
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orcelito · 11 months
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So I've had no time to write today bc work etc etc but I've been thinking about it like All day and
I have chapter 17 all plotted out, and tbh could potentially write it in a matter of days, brain willing. It's finally back to Not action, which as fun as action is to write its also fucking Hard. So it'll be nice not having to agonize over the sound of a fucking chain (Twice) etc etc. Add in the fact that it's gonna be angsty as hell (angst is always the Easiest for me to write) & I rly think I could knock this one out quickly.
And the Great news is that. Examining the timeline and what I have planned...
Wolfwood is definitely arriving in chapter 18. And not at the end like I'd suspected. No, he's probably gonna be there towards the Start.
I've gotten through the two most difficult arcs to write for early ITNL, so the ball is really rolling now. We are Finally getting places...
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makedamnsvre · 9 months
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remembered when me and my mom were ???? somewhere going to little shops and my mom stopped at some place to see if there was a bathroom and i waited in the car and then some old white guy with a bright red hat glared at me through the windshield (i was still wearing my mask but it was pulled down under my chin since i was in the car) and after staring at him for too long trying to see what his hat was even though it was obvious i finally saw "trump" on the front lawl.
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selfspinninglies · 7 months
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getting brainrot over an au that I've barely posted about again 83749488392 dead 39736493739272848 injured
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soupbabe · 8 months
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I wanna post a wip of a cardigan I'm making 💪 anyways, I still have ways to go. Need to extend the body a lil so it fits me better n matches the length of my granny squares, but I hope y'all can see the vision 😅
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just-bendy · 2 years
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ok so this is a stretch, but the word "canoodle" is a very interesting choice. if its from the fanfiction im thinking of, then you have excellent taste. if its not then i just outed myself hardcore. either way i would genuinely pay good money for nsfw bendy content from u ))
(( hahaaa im so sorry but you did,,,, the word "canoodling" just popped into my head as i thought of the answer to that ask and upon looking it up i saw that it was perfect ^ ^'
i have only read one little fanfic even though it was just about like,,, bendy headcanons and nothing nsfw. although you do have me intrigued,,, i havent,,, consumed??? any nsfw bendy content yet actually,,, so yeah,,, i dont know which fanfic youre referring to D: im sorry
AND IM SORRY TO ANYONE WHO THINKS BENDY MEANT LIKE,,,, ADULT STUFF I WAS USING IT TO MEAN kiss and cuddle very romantically,,,, i mean thats what i thought it means which does but if it means adult stuff too then,,, well he means that too ))
(( and that last thing you said means more to me than anyone will ever know aaaa thank u so much,,,))
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batz · 2 years
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thank u for agoraphobia advice it seems the general consensus is sorta just. going outside . which isnt awesome but also totally understandable ig ! but. A
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sanchoyo · 1 year
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interview in an hour send good vibes besties 🥺
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noxtivagus · 2 years
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I LOVE LITERATURE SO MUCH. MY FAV COURSE FR
#🌙.rambles#ARGHHH TODAY WAS SO GOOD#w biology w the. oh my god i missed lab so much 🥺#i was just so curious n interested the whole time n it made me so so happy looking n managing stuff yk n#i'm rlly a fast learner 😭 i ended up helping some classmates w their own yk#literature tho i was so happy oh my god i was the only one who liked the 3rd short story the most#MARK ON THE WALL BY VIRGINIA WOOLF !!!! 🤍#ms. was talking abt how out of the three it's the most. complex? idk but a lot of ppl didn't understand it as well i think#MY CLASSMATES CLAPPED WHEN I STOOD UP BCS#for each story ms asked us all to stand up for which is your fav n so with mark on the wall i was uh. the only one#hflsfksjfs n then the last question before ending class.. smth w element of plot n what does it mean to be human#i was fucking restless in my seat but i'm so shy so my hand was shaking but#at the end i finally got the courage to recite 🥺 IM SO HAPPY IM SO PROUD OF MYSELF#n then today i think i actually felt for once that i'm part of my class bcs i'm usually so shy#back to that question tho. this is my fucking expertise#made me rlly realize i am such an empath :^) i won't deny my intelligence i love it actually#i think. a Lot. i do consider myself to be decently self-aware. i know myself well#i can. understand others more personally too yk? oh my god i'm rlly glad w what i recited in class hehe#i cld've said sm more but hflsjgksjfs >< i'm happy w how i presented myself#honestly when i'm not nervous or anxious i really thrive. i'd be a really good friend n lover maybe n. speaking comes naturally#when i'm not nervous 💀 n when i'm passionate abt smth bcs i cld speak on the spot n have a coherent yk lil impromptu recitation or speech#n do well <3 i rlly mean it when anxiety just fucks me up bcs i'm confident in my own self#in the car rn n earlier dad brought up the concert n said he was actually rather interested in going#yh he knows their genre n all 🥺 n uhm. of how lyrics aren't very 'wholesome' as he said T_T#OFC.... MY DAD LOVES MUSIC YK HFLSKFJS#he's interested in accompanying us bcs we need an adult but he. has work so :c#we'll buy the tix later i think but mom said like condition no tailor for our prom dress this year#YEAH NP FUCK LOOKING PRETTY. MUSIC IS BETTER.#maybe tailor w grad ball or wtvr next year >.> honestly i'm just all in for the experience.#i don't care much for looking pretty or having a date for just shows n looks n confidence. i care more for the experience as a whole
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boygirlctommy · 2 years
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desperately throwing my animatics at my portfolio please let me into your animation program, school
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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years
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...
#u kno what i dont like? when i talk abt doing something completely bananas that i would absolutely do if i was even a little less socially#conscious and then whoever im talking to is like lol do it#idk maybe im just slightly distorted abt it but i have a compulsive need to do what ppl tell me to and i kno ppl would think i was real#weirf for doing the things so im just like. r u making fun of me? bc truely i cannot tell#like i dont have a good grasp on how well i read ppl. sometimes i think im ok at it. like i can deduce things from context clues#but if someone is not being clean then its fucking way over my head but idk sometimes i cant tell if im being made fun of#like u kno when u make someone laugh and ur like well i wasnt really trying to b funny. i was just saying whats in my head#so was that nervous laughter bc i said something kinda off the walls or was it laughter at my expense#again im probably just distortion bc my sister used to publicly call it out whenever i was being weird but idk#i just wish ppl said what they thought more. like dont say one thing to my face and then later text me something that indicates u were#thinking something entirely different in the moment. bc that's disorienting and it makes me think i can't trust my reading of ppl#i mean. it doesnt help that i dont look ppl in the face lol but whatever#i should sleep. i have jury duty tomorrow and i pray that i am not selected. tho it would force me to have a day off#bc im fucked up like that. no fun allowed. only work. and not enough sleep :-P#idk why im even thinking this?#i guess bc i was helping one of my lab mates with coding stuff and like idk ive spent way too long around him and i still dont#kno whats going on in his head. like idk hes not too bad but he also is very quick to jump on it when i do something wrong#like when i make a lil mistake i mean. and i think its in a teasing way but idk it feels weird. like he thinks hes caught me fucking up#and im like ...yea? i mean yea that was a dumb thing i did. or like yeah i cant spell or remember plant codes? idk maybe he just thinks#its funny. it doesnt upset me or anything. i just think its kinda weird and i dont get it so it puts me on edge#idk he says things sometimes and im like... ok ur star war5 options make me nervous abt the general opinions u hold but i dont kno how to#manipulate u into a revealing conversation. idk his not that bad just puts me on edge a lil and i have to b around him a lot so i sit here#man wtf is his deal? let me psychoanalyze u#unrelated
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