#back to that question tho. this is my fucking expertise

[noxtivagus]

I LOVE LITERATURE SO MUCH. MY FAV COURSE FR

[lazaruspiss]

i would actually love some nightwing recs from you

Aha! You activated my trap card <-(completely forgot how public they are with their nightwing obsession) (ps: i also talked nightwing recs here too <3 i simply love to talk about my baby boy)

My "area of expertise" is mainly Nightwing 1996, so that's where most of my recs come from. There was also Nightwing 1995, which was more of a test run for 96. I think it had 4 issues total? It's not bad, just not noteworthy either. I've been working on a big spreadsheet of info for 96, including trigger warnings, but im only like. 15 issues in. hashtag pain and suffering. Issue #1 already has a woman being threatened, I have it down as "attempted rape" in my list, and that kind of sets the tone for what you need to be able to handle to read everything in that series.

The biggest downside is that it's all pre Damian :( son boy i miss u and i wish u were in better comics. Tim is funny tho. The first arc in 96 is great scene setting, and Tim shows up in #6 to be a lil stinker :3. We establish Dick's goals, motivations, etc, as well as what the state of Blüdhaven is and who our main baddies are.

It's all a bit heartbreaking in retrospect. Dick fails. He wants to be more independent and remove himself from Bruce's shadow, Blockbuster is established as the big bad for him to bring to justice, and he wants to make things at least a little better for the people of Blüdhaven.

He ends up dragged back to Bruce by an invisible leash, he technically beats his main villain but only in the absolute worst way after losing everything (and continues to lose more after, losing things he didn't know he had), and Blüdhaven is destroyed.

Dick loses. It's a bad end. A tragedy even. And yet, because of the nature of comics like DC, his story continues. It continues in crossovers and fan service and whatever else might sell. His most personally meaningful story ended prematurely for fucking War Games. sorry I know I just complained about this but cmon.

There were some good storylines after that! But I'm still bothered by the fact that the Tarantula arc was cut off after like, 2 issues. Road to Nowhere (#94-95) really did go nowhere. But the concept was there and it had the potential to be a decent story about an abusive relationship.

Mobbed Up (#108-111), Renegade (#112-117), and Brothers in Blood (#118-122) are some of my favorite arcs, all post Blockbuster. But after those I kind of lost interest. Annual #2 also came out sometime after all those, and I can't stress enough that it is absolutely not worth reading. It was written an illustrated by men, reduces Babs and Kori to nothing more than romantic partners, and completely misrepresents older stories. They literally retell older Dick/Babs moments, but without anything that could make their relationship at all complex or questionable to the consumer. Dick saw her as a sister, but rather than use that as a sign of closeness and respect they cut out all reference to that entirely because god forbid relationships have any nuance nowadays. Annual #1 was alright. I think it came out in the first or second year of the 96 run, and it's a nice self contained murder mystery one shot that showcases Dick's workaholic habits, his want for a family, and his tendency to try and change himself to makes others happy. He also comes off as very accidentally arospec. There's a moment where he tries to get a woman to stay with him by saying things like "but I could learn to love you" and if that wasn't me everyday throughout my middle to high school years than I don't know what is.

Outside of 96, I wanna point out The Search for Ray Palmer: Red Rain. Which may not be a Nightwing story but is absolutely a Bruce & Dick story (with vampires!) I haven't actually read much of the original Red Rain because. Dick's not really in that one. The Ray Palmer spin off however has Dick hunting down his parents' killer: one vampire king, Bruce Wayne. If you find those posts about Dick initially being a vengeance hungry 8 year old interesting than this is about as close as actual comics get. In the main timeline, yeah, Dick wants revenge, but because he's 8 and really just going through it rather than being genuinely bloodthirsty he's very easily talked out of it. In the Red Rain universe there is no comfort. He's alone, and grief consumes him. Bruce killed his parents for that very purpose, because he wanted Dick to be consumed by grief and hopelessness like him. Getting Dick to be like him and getting Dick to be obsessed with him was kind of his entire goal from the moment he laid eyes on him. Bruce's main presence up until the end where he shows up is shown largely through Dick's hunt, through Dick's obsession. Bruce wanted them to be inseparable and he very much succeeded in the end. By the time Jason and crew cross paths with them it's already too late. Everything is as Bruce wanted it to be. So a yandere vampire brudick au, basically.

There's also Outsiders 2003, which I keep meaning to read but haven't quite gotten to. Dick leads another team, but Donna just died so he's even meaner and cagier than he usually is.

gah. i really wanna finish that nightwing spreadsheet. i'll probably post it once i finish the 1996 section, or at least get it caught up to where it stops before crossing over with war games.

i've made a lot of these but theyre just things that i eventually wanna read, the dick grayson one is really the only one with anything in it rn <-(one track mind. and that track is called blorbo)

[gimmethatagustd]

jailene, for the ask game: 6, 19 and 21 👀

yannie bby

What is your darkest fear about writing?

khskdfsd not tumblr eating my post. sigh. second time's a charm??

i think my darkest fear is never having a writing community anymore. like, will we really write bts fanfic forever?? at what point do we stop? and then what happens? i've always had some kind of writing community, either in college classes or on the internet through fanfic/rp. it stresses me out as i get older to think one day i'm gonna like age out of this or my community is gonna disappear or something

Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?

oof i've been writing since the beginning of time. when i was in kindergarten my dream job was to be "an author and illustrator of children's books" - no cap. funny thing is i can't draw for shit and i'm def not kid-friendly, so 6-year-old me would be a bit disappointed 😂 i started writing harry potter fanfic and going on rp sites when i was probs like 12 which, looking back, was bad LOL

and i basically wrote fiction all the way through until i took my first poetry class my senior year of high school. i won a poetry award and i remember thinking, what the fuck. cuz i hated poetry jhjkdfs i thought i was shit at it. so then i went to college and took a fiction class cuz i wanted to be a fiction major, but my professor was like you really should consider poetry. it was like she could tell that was what my style was better suited for? and i begrudgingly took a poetry class with her, and ended up majoring in poetry instead of fiction

so tbh writing fanfic is kinda out of my element cuz even tho i've always done fiction for fun, my true ~expertise~ is in poetry. i don't write as much poetry anymore which kinda makes me sad. i wanna try to write more of it. it's just a really different feeling than fiction. it inspires me and fills me with joy in a different way

If a witch offered you the choice between eternal happiness with your one true love and the ability to finally finish, perfect, and publish your dearest, darlingest, most precious WIP in exactly the way you’ve always imagined it — which would you choose? You can’t have both sorry, life’s a bitch

lmfaooooo i would have to pick true love. people often ask if i wanna get my work published (my poetry specifically) and idk it was just never something i seriously considered until people started mentioning it?

ask me some weird writer questions 🥺👉🏽👈🏽

[buckysdolls]

You’re cute when you...

AN- I’m still going to ask for requests on every oneshot I post lol! 

Please feel free to blow up my requests/messages!

message me if you want to chat! I’d love to get to know you all! Over 18's tho!!

Ask to join my tag list. Thanks to @buckybarnes101 for being my first! <3

One Shot- Bucky x Reader

Summary- Bucky adores you, he tries to show this in subtle ways but you brush it off not wanting to think more into it even though you’re crushing on him too. He also loves to be that one annoying person who you can’t help but laugh with so he figures it’s time to step it up a notch to really show you how much he likes you. 

Warnings- Bucky being a cute annoying and loving and fluffy!

You flopped onto the sofa located in the common room of The Avengers compound, with a book in hand ready to settle down for the evening. You were wearing a bralette, an oversized unzipped hoodie and shorts that wrapped around the top half of your thighs, it was comfortable to chill in knowing not many people would be roaming the compound. It was the weekend meaning it was awfully quiet, it reminded you of when you were at University, the weekends were always peaceful as people left campus for the weekend to go home. The compound felt a little like that. Many of the workers and even some of the Avengers would go home if the compound wasn’t their permanent residence. For you… it was. Fury advised you in joining the Avengers, your expertise in handling weapons and guns was valuable to them, so when Bucky arrived… in a somewhat stable state you made the perfect pair, adding Sam to the mix was a bonus. You enjoyed listening to the two of them rip into each other. Although it usually ended in you butting their heads together when it was time to focus in order to make the dream teamwork.

You shot Bucky a quick smile as he strolled into the common room, he returned the smile but you returned your interest to the book. Though trying to read the book was tough, you had noticed he was wearing his red Henley, that hugged his muscles and showed off his pecs, man you were a sucker for his muscles. You knew better than to swoon over him though, you were adamant Bucky saw you as just a friend and though you maybe did fancy him the tiniest bit you’d learnt to push those feeling aside. Not many people knew Bucky the way you did, spending copious amounts of time with him you knew him inside out, probably not as much as Steve, but you were a close second.

Bucky enjoyed your company, he had done for a while now and developed feelings for you that he struggled to word, he knew he had a better chance of showing that he was crazy for you rather than telling you. He always tried to show you by always holding you in places of affection, but you never seemed to notice. You peered up from your book as Bucky took a seat next to you, his left arm settled on the back of the sofa.

“What book you reading?” He leant into you to catch a glimpse at the words on the page, you flipped over the cover to show him the front page.

“The Duke and I?” Bucky scrunched up his face as he realised it was one of those romantic, sexy books you like to read.

“Don’t judge me!” You scowled jokingly as you both smiled. He raised his arm in defence before scooting closer to you. Him shifting next to you made it even harder to concentrate on the words in the book. You could smell the freshness of his body wash, and the coconut scent of his shampoo dangling on the ends of his hair. You took a side glance realising he was looking at you… minutes passed, and he was still staring at you. You huffed, dramatically closing your book, and looking across to meet Bucky’s eyes, he was staring intently.

“Bucky! Stop staring.”

“We’re having a staring contest.”

“I wasn’t staring at you… so we’re not having a staring contest” You pointed out squinting your eyes trying to understand what was going on his brain yet letting the corner of your lips turn upwards.

“But you’re staring now. So now we’re having a staring contest”

“That’s not how it works Bucky!” You huffed realising this was pointless and returning to your book.

“Ha! You blinked!”

“I wasn’t playing!” You sang unfazed by Bucky’s attempt to annoy you and keeping your eyes locked on the book.

“Then why were you looking at me?

“Because you looked at me first!”

“You’re cute when you’re mad” Bucky’s put his face in front of your book, leaning over you, he chuckled as you lifted your book up to your view. He always called you cute, you’d just assume he said it to every woman he’d met. His head relaxed on your lap as he adjusted his position, laying out on the sofa, his arms crossed over his chest. Did he want your attention or something? He began to pop his lips every other second, he then glanced up at you as you felt his head shift sideways, his lips were pursed realising you were still reading.

“You’re cute when you read”

You closed your book again settling it on his chest, your hand on top of the book. He smirked and his blue eyes gleamed almost looking like puppy dogs as he was happy you were paying him attention.

“You never notice when I call you cute Y/N”

“I do, I chose to ignore it cause it doesn’t mean anything. I assume you call everyone cute”

“You think I go around calling Sam cute huh? You know I only call you cute!” Bucky ran his finger through his hair still looking up at you. He always found a way to make you laugh even when he knew he was irritating you.

“You’re cute when you laugh” Bucky was more serious this time, his eyes looked deeper in yours searching as he reached out his arm to rest his hand on the side of your neck, you hair in between his fingers, and his thumb laid on the edge of your cheek. Your breath stuck in your throat as his touch sent an explosive sparkle through your body. You were used to Bucky touching you, he was always handsy with you, around your waist, lower back, shoulders, you just never questioned it assuming he was looking out for you.

“I wish I’d done this sooner” Bucky motioned his thumb in smooth strokes across your cheek.

“What’s that?” You whispered finding your words yet still feeling flustered in the moment.

“Kiss you. It’s been on my mind for a while now” Bucky mumbled before tenderly pulling your head down guiding it to his, he stopped when your noses were barely inches apart.

“Are you fucking with me right now?” You suddenly felt embarrassed wondering if Bucky was doing this to carry on annoying you, you thought you knew almost everything about Bucky, you were sure he was too busy enjoying running missions to even think about having a personal life.

“I know I can be annoying, but I ain’t a dick. I’ve felt this way for a while” Bucky pressed his lips to yours closing that inch gap. His lips were sweet, and his beard tickled your skin as your mouth moved in sync. He moved up from your lap slowly making sure not to break the kiss, his hands settled on your hips gripping them as he guided you onto his lap, so you were straddling him. Your hands were flatly pressed against his chest and his hands moved to your bum squeezing as he rubbed against you.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Curiosity got the better of you pulling away and instantly regretting it as you worried you’d killed the mood. Bucky still held you smirking.

“Had to make sure… I didn’t think I’d fall for someone again after what I’d been through. An no matter what I told you, the gory details, or the fear I put in people you weren’t scared… I could see it in your eyes.”

“I wanted to make you feel part of the team and appreciated. It the least I could do after what you’ve been through. Anyway, I’m too fierce to fear you.” You prodded his chest joking with him.

“Oh yeah?” Bucky questioned, raising his eyebrows, and coking his head as if he’d been challenged. You nodded biting your lip, he suddenly flipped you over laying you on the sofa with your hands tightly held about your head as he straddled you, his face again inches form yours. You watched him as he allowed his eyes to make their way down your body, he breathed deeply clearly enjoying looking at your body.

“You have a cute body” He commented interlocking your hands and brining you up into him, smiling as he brushed his nose against yours.

Tag list: @buckybarnes101 

[romanosgirl1978]

Taking Over Me IV

Sooo.... I have no idea where this is going lol. I saw that @pascalslittlebrat wasn’t having a good day and wanted to finish this part. I hope this helps a little love. 

Please comment and let me know which you would rather see. Date night with Alex or working late with Max???

Words- 1211

Warnings- slight self-depreciation, cursing, no Max in this one tho

Summary- You call Alex and Jennette offers her expertise.

Part I Part II Part III Part IV

~~

Your jaw drops and before you can argue he’s out the door and already talking to another employee.

“Shit. What did I just do?”

Jennette doubles over, no longer able to contain her laughter and you turn on her.

“You,” you hiss, narrowing your eyes at her. “Glad I have a friend at work that has my back and gets me out of awkwards situations with my boss.”

She laughs harder and, after a few moments, sits back up.

Wiping a few tears away, she finally looks at you and chuckles again. “I’m not even sorry. That is hilarious.”

“No. It’s not. It’s awful. It’s date night,” you groan. “Well, it was.”

Jennette rolls her eyes. “You can just tell Max that you can’t work tonight, I’m sure he’d let you go.”

You chew on your lip, ‘I’m not too sure about that.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well…”

She studies you for a moment. “Did something happen?”

“He may have cornered me in the elevator that day I had to drop off the reports.”

“Define cornered?”

You get up and close the office door before leaning against her desk. “I mean, he came by after you left and thanked me for the reports. He asked to walk me out and there wasn’t a good reason to say no.”

“Fair enough. Was it awkward?”

“A little. He asked me about my dreams and it threw me off, then he changed it to goals so I told him about looking for a house with Alex.”

“Nice, throwing in the relationship.”

You scoff, “I’m not done yet. He told me that he was happy for me, but the way he said it… I don’t think he was talking about moving from an apartment to a house…” you trail off, trying to think of a way to explain it.

Jennette waits for a few moments before she gasps. “Wait, you said when you dropped off the reports? Wasn’t that the same day you told me about the dreams you had of him?”

“Y-yeah… wait… yo-you don’t think…” the realization washes over you and, glad to have the desk behind you, your legs give out. “No,” you whine. “No, no, no.”

“Shit, so what happened next? Now, I have to know.”

You run your fingers through your hair. “Fuck.”

She swats your leg, “C'mon, tell me what happened? Did he try to kiss you? Details woman, details.”

“Shit… that… that actually makes sense. He was talking about something exciting turning into something mediocre. And ‘good for me for wanting something bigger and better.’”

“Now we’re at the elevator?” She questions, not able to hold back her grin.

You sigh and nod. “It opens, I get in and he just stands there for a second, then he walks towards me. I back up and when I hit the wall he grabs my hips and…” you pause and take a deep breath. “He leans in like he’s gonna kiss my neck but he just trails up my neck and says how lucky Alex is.”

Her jaw drops and she just stares at you.

“Then he pulls back and looks at me and…”

“And?”

“I wanted to kiss him, Jen. If the elevator wouldn’t have dinged I think I might have. It was like whatever influence I was under broke. I could barely stand from the strain of not kissing him. It was crazy.”

“Damn.” Her eyes are wide as she looks at you, trying to come up with something, anything, else to say. “I-I dont… wow…”

You grimace, “Yeah. So when I could use my legs again, I walked out and told him I was in a happy relationship and didn’t wanna end it. He made some smart ass comment about people finding out there was something going on between us, I said no and walked out.”

She nods absentmindedly. "And now you’re working late with him tonight. Just the two of you. Alone. In an empty office. Yeah you have fun with that."

"As if the dreams about the elevator weren’t bad enough. Now it’s gonna be dreaming about getting it on in his office."

When she laughs you send a glare her way and she holds her hands up in defense. "Hey, I’m not the one sexually frustrating you."

"C’mon. Help me. What am I supposed to do?"

"Uh, fake your death and flee the continent under a new name with a fake Italian passport you bought off of some guy in an alley behind a taco cart."

You roll your eyes and push off her desk. "Gee thanks for that enlightening piece of advice. All my problems will be solved if I do that,” you retort.

She shrugs, "I mean they would be. Max and Alex would think you were dead, you’d never have to confront either of them. You get out of this hell hole. Sounds like a good plan to me."

~~

At lunch you call Alex, still not sure how you wanted to explain this.

“Hello?”

“Hey babe. How’s work going?”

“Pretty good so far. I’m ready to leave though, looking forward to date night.”

You bite your lip, sighing. “About that..”

“What? C’mon, (Y/N), I thought we were gonna go see that movie.”

“I know, I know. But my boss asked me to look over the expense reports after work.”

They sigh. “Do you want me to see if I can find a later showing?”

“I don’t know how long it will take, but you can still check. I’ll call you when I’m done, okay?”

“Okay. Does that mean I’m on my own for dinner too?” they laugh humorlessly.

“Possibly. If I get out within 2 hours I can pick something up. I’ll let you know.”

“That’s fine, I guess.”

Your heart aches at their response, maybe you should just tell Max no. “I’m sorry. I love you.”

“Work is work, baby,” they relent. “I can’t say I don’t understand. Was just excited for tonight. You seem distracted lately and I was hoping we’d have a nice night together. I love you too. Gotta go.”

They end the call and you’re left speechless, vision blurring with unshed tears.

You were an awful girlfriend.

Quickly, you reach up and wipe the tears away. You still had to get through the rest of the day.

Nothing was going to happen with Max.

The two of you were going to finish everything quickly and you’d get out in enough time to go to the movies. And when you and Alex got home you were going to show them exactly how much you loved them.

Yes that is exactly what you were going to do.

“So how’d they take it?” Jennette asks when you flop down into your chair.

“Disappointed. They were really looking forward to the movie. And apparently I’ve been more distracted that I thought,” you groan.

“Look, normally I wouldn’t offer this, but I love you and Alex is right, this has been distracting you.” She waits until you look over at her before continuing. “So, if you want, I’ll can Max you got sick and had to go home. That way you can keep date night and get Max out of your mind.”

You blink at her a few times. “Jennette...”

___

@fan-grell-411

[xcrystalzero]

Hello! I’d love to request a romantic matchup, as I’m an absolute sucker for those. Pls take your with this, and drink some water!

So first of, I’m 18 and het female. Appearance wise I’m a tiny (on a good day) 5’1 with, as of rn, pastel purple hair—I change my hair colour frequently. I have quite the defined hourglass shape, which I lowkey hate because finding clothes is a nightmare... the only feature I really like apart from that are my freckles. Besides that, I love fashion, and i spend quite some time on trying out new hairstyles and clothing combinations. So yeah that’s it appearance-wise.

Personality:

To be succinct, I’m an ENTP-T (HI KIN). I’m usually quite determined, stubborn, blunt, rational, and quick witted, but I try to be softer and more careful with my words around the people I love. My main quality is really just my galaxy brain (yay me, intelligence saves me from being a complete arsehole), although I always try my best to help the people around me (which can sometimes become overbearing, I’m sure). I have random periods where I just... succumb to being a crackhead. I’m not the biggest fan of always being serious, so I want to let loose sometimes. Tho one big issue I have, is that social cues and emotions are just really not my area of expertise. I have absolutely no idea how to act in most situations, and while it’s gotten better (i was unbearable to be around when I was younger) I’m vvv awkward and can easily be rude (accidentally... sometimes at least) djdjdjieks. Also, I’m such an annoying smartass, I’m sorry to everyone.

Hobbies and Interests/Dislikes:

For hobbies, I have too many in true ENTP fashion. Although, I mainly focus on dancing, writing, and... is hanging out with friends a hobby??? Idk, but I love spending time with my loved ones. I also quite like baking and I’m a huge simp for Shakespeare—well, his works that is, and for general English literature. I also love gaming, history, and debate. Another important thing for me is topics like feminism, gender equality and all that good stuff. I’m not really an activist (too much stuff on my hands I guess?) but I’m very passionate about these topics—and easily get into arguments about it. Dislikes—well, the usual ones like unnecessary hate and stuff like that, but specifically, I absolutely abhor when someone judges and condemns someone else—who hasn’t done anything against them—without even knowing their story. Also, ignorance is annoying af.

Some other stuff uwu:

For preferred traits in a partner: First of, my love language is Quality Time (we don’t need a big adventure or anything) and Acts of Service. I’m vvv averse to physical touch in a romantic sense and I need my s/o to respect the fact that it’d take me a long long time to get used to him initiating smth. Trauma tingz... I know it unfair tho, as some people just need that, so I try to compromise as much as possible. Communication is super important to me. Keeping your secrets are alright, and if you’re shy or anything that’s also cool, but if I seriously ask you about smth, I’d rather you wouldn’t lie just to spare my feelings. Also, I need someone who isn’t afraid to voice their opinion if it differs my own. I’m quite into debating—over any topic, really. Thus, I might come off as rudely argumentative (which I guess I am), but it’s mostly just a matter of enjoying the mental thrill and wanting someone to consider my perspective/explain their perspective to me. Patience is another trait I really need in someone. I have ADHD, so even if I try my best to listen, I might have to ask if you could repeat whatever you just said. Also the bouts of random forgetting, my occasional impatience... yeah, adhd things. Beyond that, I believe that if you truly love someone, you can grow with them and work around any negativity.

Can’t really think of anything else rn. Thank you for doing this 💜💜💜 take care and drink some water

Hiiii! Omg I'm ENTP/INTP -T too! We chaotic as fuck. Anywayyy, here we go!

I match you with ... Zhongli!

- Ah yes, Geo Daddy himself.

- I think that Zhongli is one of those people who highly value intelligence. He's been around for a while now and seen a lot of things. Obviously, he knows that most people can't begin to approach the amount of knowledge he has accumulated over time. That's why meeting you is a pleasant surprise.

- He's an incredibly patient and supportive person so he'll have no problem entertaining your crazy ENTP ideas or any of the things that come out of crackhead hours.

- He'd like the interest you have in fashion. There's something charming about the way humans like to accessorize and change up their appearance and you do a good job of it.

- It's a good thing you like history because this guy will 100% go on long tangents about the history of the land. If you try to correct him on something, he might try to fight you. The best part is that he doesn't even realize he's doing it, he just doesn't see how he could be wrong about something like that when he's been around to see it all. Have fun with those debates... Thankfully, he doesn't mind your argumentative nature and tends to deal with it pretty calmly which just calms your down too.

- Imagine though, dates where you guys burst into old libraries or bookstores. You had just disagreed on a certain technicality of Liyue's history at sea and you are determined to be right this time. The two of you spend hours scanning over books and asking the various historians always conversing around the restaurants and at the wharf. You guys actually end up kind of attracting a bit of attention, since people find it cute that you're trying to outsmart THE Zhongli. Plot twist...

"See! I told you it was 254 years ago! You were thinking of something else!" You raise the parchment you have been pouring over for the past few minutes triumphantly over your head before presenting it to Zhongli.

The man in question takes the paper, scanning it quickly before looking back to you. "Hm, I suppose you are correct."

"I win!" Your smug little smile is full of pride as you place your hands on your hips. Perhaps to others, losing such an argument would be disagreeable but Zhongli finds it adorable more than anything else.

"Yes you do my love. Yes you do..."

- His love language is quality time too! You guys spend a lot of time just wandering around Liyue Harbor together, literally just chilling or sipping tea on the veranda, enjoying each other's company.

- Basically you have one of those relationships where you can be both very active and very chill together.

Alright there we go! I swapped out my coffee for water just for you :). Hope you enjoyed!

[viohra]

Your favorite numbers as well as 13, 12, 21, 39, 51, 57, and 100

Favourite numbers: 13, 17, 19, 23, 29, 31, 73, 91, 97

12. Do you have the feeling you’ve lost something you might have had in another life - whether it be a person, a place, a world, a language, etc.?

Yes. My real native language, finnish.

13. Do you believe in reincarnation?

No, although I’d love to be wrong

17. Did you have imaginary friends? Do you still have them?

Yes, and now they've become characters in my stories.

19. If you aren’t religious, do you wish you were? Why?

No, and fuck no. I don't need a higher power to explain the world and I believe organised religion is a cancer. Don't get me wrong, I don't judge you if you are religious, but I will hold your actions to a higher standard (insert reason why I come down on xtians pretty hard). Spiritual people are chill, it's just not who I am. I can play the part tho, and I usually tell people I’m spiritual (and even made my own belief system) to play a cover so that people don't treat me poorly for being atheist.

21. Do you have somebody, whether it be a friend or stranger, who you think you could have loved if the circumstances were different?

Yes. My old friend Svetlana back home… she told me 3 years ago that if I stayed we’d probably have ended up together (AN: never tell someone this. Please.). I also have one person and three other friends that maybe if situations were slightly different it might have worked out.

The one person was the bestfriend of my second ex (the one that destroyed my mental health 😁) and I had basically a choice between them and… I chose poorly. But it wouldntve worked out in the long run because she was/is an alcoholic that could outpace ME even though I was twice her height and weight and had a gene advantage. Kinda ruined our friendship when, during my breakup with her bff, a family friend of of hers died. Now she was isolating me as was the entire friend group, save for my best friend Nik, who lived with me. Well she showed up (unannounced WITH my fuckin ex) to my house to get comfort from Nik and me and I ruined what was left of our friendship, ironically, when I asked “are we still going to be friends after this?” which is an HONEST FUCKING QUESTION. The hell I'll be used for emotional support just to be shunned and isolated again. The fuck.

The other three were friends from school. One was very Christian and very hung up on previous relationship. The second… well that was purely fucked up timing and circumstance. I honestly think I missed a huge life event there… but we're still friends. The last one was also timing and then became a geographical reason we didn't come together… that one was also a big shame…

23. Is love about convenience or something more? Can it be about both?

It's about finding someone you can truly be yourself around and relax with and be vulnerable with and be secure with. “Convenience” isn't an appropriate term to describe it.

29. Do you believe in some form of god/s?

No

31. Do you have a hunch about how you’re going to die?

Yes— I'll either die in a vehicular collision or I will be shot

39. Do you know what you want out of life?

Yes. I have a clear plan and I’m working towards it

51. What question could you ask to find out the most about a person?

I hit them with FORTE: family, occupation, recreation, travel, education. Then when we're chummy I start asking questions like these.

57. Do you thinks humans are obsessed with escapism (books, video games, movies, etc.)? Are you looking for an escape? Do you think that’s a bad thing?

I just think we like to have a good time. “Escapism” sounds so negative when we really just want to hang out and relax and enjoy things that entertain us. The whole “escaping from reality” schtick sounds so… judgmentally christian

73. Would you fight for your country? Do you feel a sense of loyalty to your nation?

Theoretically— itd not be out of a sense of duty to the nation per se, but a recognition of my expertise and abilities. I'm loyal to my friends and family and those I swear loyalty to. I'll fight for a cause I believe in. Those who know, know.

91. Is hate as strong as love? Who do you hate?

Depends. Hate ranges from “fuck that guy” to “this guy causes me physical harm just being around them”, the latter being as strong as love since that's basically the polar opposite. I strongly hate all the people who've harmed me like my parents and my first two exes; I casually hate sooooo many other people.

And it's not an “unhealthy emotion”. It's an emotion, no more healthy or unhealthy as love or happiness or sadness. Letting it be your only personality trait is unhealthy, but that's applicable to all emotions in my opinion.

97. Are you overly analytical?

Yes, to the point that it can cause overthinking. Because of that I end up not realising interpersonal things because I try to overcompensate and convince myself that my (later confirmed correct) assumption was overthinking. Ugh.

100. What belief do you have that isn’t logically grounded, but you still firmly believe in?

I can one day return home to settle down

[melo-yello]

How Emmett Handles Your PSM:

Emmett Cullen x Black!reader/ PSM!reader

A/n: I’m working on a story for him but I got my period and just got inspired to write some fluffy dumbassery.

Emmett typically knows before you do with his heightened senses and all yet he plays dumb when you first starting dating and let’s you hide it from him

He constantly saying shit like “Damn Y/n, you smell good enough to eat.” or “Mouthwaterin headass.” or “Fuck a snack, Baby. You’re a four course meal.” during your period

You think he’s trying to be funny but it starts to wear on you by the 2nd day and you blow up on him “Emmett, it’s not funny! I’m already pretty self conscious about it already! Give it a rest already !😡”

You’re big mad

Emmett feels so bad and immediately explains “Baby no! I’m not making fun of you. Y/n, You smell like good p**** and blood mixed together. To a vampire of course you smell fucking scrumptious.”

You fold your arms and stare him down before you bust out laughing. “Emmy you’re a dumbass.”

After that Emmett ,having very limited experience and even less expertise when it comes to periods, figures he should do some research

He goes to Carlisle then Bella then the internet

Carlisle hits him with a in-depth biology lesson. He broke that shit all the way down

Bella’s a lot less helpful and pretty awkward about period particulars even tho she thinks his efforts are sweet. She gives him a decent list of DOs/DO NOTs. And just all around obnoxious behavior to avoid which she mentions may be hard for him

Just to be the most informed Emmett reads a few period articles and finds some pretty good info and scribbles a few questions he figures you’d kno the answer to give him some clarity

Emmett makes a big show of buying you apology flowers and your favorite sweets

You tell him to not make a big deal. For him that’s pretty hard but he tries

Though Emmett almost never treats like you’re fragile and breakable he can’t help being extra cautious. Knowing that you’re in a lot of pain and there’s nothing he can do about it

After a few class periods of Emmett treating you like porcelain you sit him down and explain that you’re fine and you’ve dealt with this since you were 12 and with some quality pain pills everything wasn’t that bad

This only makes him think of you as even more of a badass

From this point on Emmett spoils you extra on your period

You want ice cream? Give him 30 mins to run to the this ice cream shop in New York you mentioned you always wanted to try.

You ran out of FP? Emmy has no problem dropping everything and going to the store. Besta believe he’s FaceTiming you every single time until he learns your preferred brands.

You forgot your pills at home? He’ll cut class and use super speed to get them for you in 2 mins flat. He gets scolded by his siblings each time he does that for you but he doesn’t care

You picking fights? Emmett entertains it for a lil bit before leaves and return with your favorite fast food. Suddenly you’re chillin again (Don’t kno bout y’all but I get mad hangry)

Just wanna be held? He got you baby.

You’re in his lap while he plays 2k

Snuggled up on the couch watching old Disney movies. Fox and the Hound. Peter Pan. Aladdin. Brandy’s Cinderella. Alice in Wonderland. Etc

Sleeping in that sunny field Bella and Edward always seem to be in just to bug them. All while thinking the raunchiest thoughts.

“Get the fuck out of here, Assholes.” Edward losing his shit after two hours of this

You reading to him with his head in your lap

Him not being half bad at twisting your curly hair. He’s surprisingly gentle.

Emmett taking you on “short” hikes because he read somewhere activity lessens cramps. He always ends up giving you piggy back rides regardless

You crying sometimes because that shit happens and Emmett cracking the dumbest jokes he can think of to make you smile

You asking him to turn you because your cramps are especially painful that day. Him responding “Bet, Baby Doll!” Getting ready bite your neck. You move any curls in his way and pat the exposed skin. You gets inches away only to lick you.

[jtsfavslut]

𝖆𝖋𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝖕𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖞

Description: Being forced to go to a party was a usual thing for Kiana, staying in the After Party however, wasn’t as usual, but what could go wrong when all of your friends are with you and there’s a quick game being played?

Warnings: none yet

Word count: 3k+

“Come Kiki, stop being so responsible, one more party won’t hurt,” your friend Jalyah begged you, you knew it was useless to resist because by the end of the day you would be leaving the house and going directly to that party.

“I have assignments due next week Lyah,” You groaned, fixing the fake reading glasses that were resting upon the bridge of your nose.

“Next week, Kiana, I promise we’ll leave if you want, but just come,” she said snatching your notebook off your desk, causing a loud groan to leave your lips.

“Fine, just let me get dressed, also no parties for me for two weeks,” you said getting up and pushing her out the room.

“Also it’s a YouTube party,” she said while you were in your closet picking out an outfit.

“And you tell me that now,” you shout. It was something about being among cocky, content creators that made you feel uncomfortable.

“I knew you wouldn’t have gone, if I told you. You’ll be fine, they’re all nice and humble,” she explained as you picked out a few items.

“Ok, I’m only doing this because I love you,” you said and heard her laugh then walk away.

After about five minutes, you picked out a pair of black cargo pants, a white cropped tee, some white shoes, and a thrifted Yankee's shirt, got dressed and did your usual makeup routine, and leaving to hair down.

Reference

“Am I driving?” You asked coming out of your room and putting your phone and gloss in your pocket (and that’s on glossy lips bitch)

“I guess, lo que tu quieras (whatever you want),” she shrugged as you nodded your head.

“Of course I will, tu no puedes guiar para nada (you can’t drive for nothing), always al skit crashing and shit,” you laughed and picked up your car keys from the kitchen table.

“True, I won’t deny it, now let’s go or we’ll be even more late,” she said grabbing her purse and walking out the door.

The ride turned out to be around twenty minutes, and it consisted of laughs and the entire Tame Impala discography.

“Well this house is cute,” you said looking at the one-story home Jalyah told you the party was at.

“It’s the twins' house, now come on,” she said and you both got out your car.

The stench of alcohol hit your nose instantly making your stomach churn and your face to scrunch up in disgust.

Jalyah being the extrovert she is, opened the front door rather loudly, putting everyone’s attention on you, then back to their phones.

“Leave it to Jalyah to make an entrance,” a man's voice spoke from behind you as you two walked around the foreign house.

“You know it, Grant,” she said turning around, you following her actions, your eyes landing on the six-foot-something man in front of you.

“Who’s the friend,” he asked his eyes landing on you, making you feel slightly insecure.

“Kiana, she’s shy until you get to know her,” she said nodding towards you, you sent Grant a nod, and put your hands inside your pockets.

“I’m Ethan, Ethan Dolan,” he said putting his hand out for you to shake so you did.

‘Dolan. So he was one of the twins’ you thought to yourself wondering how there could be 2 of this beautifully handcrafted man.

“Kiana, Kiana Rosario,” you sent him a soft smile and put your hand back in your pocket.

“Another Spanish one huh?” He asked and you and Jalyah nodded your heads in response.

“Her first language is Spanish, so she’s more fluent. Where’s Grayson by the way,” Jalyah responded as Ethan nodded then shrugged, not knowing the whereabouts of his brother.

“I’m gonna go get water,” you said and walked to the kitchen you spotted when you first walked in, grabbing a water bottle of the counter, making sure it was closed.

You turned around, propping yourself up in the counter, and taking a sip of your water as you looked around the house.

People drinking, taking pictures of each other, sweat bodies dancing against who the hell knew.

To say this wasn’t your scene, was an obvious statement. You would rather stay home while a good episode of Friends or the Office played, but Jalyah wanted you to enjoy your college life, leading you to this.

“Not enjoying the party?” A familiar, yet unfamiliar voice spoke, making you look up from the floor to whoever was in front of you.

To who you were guessing was Ethan’s twin, due to the similar facial structures.

“Party’s good, not my thing tho,” you softly spoke, leaning back on the counter, and pushing a strand of hair behind your ear.

“I’m Grayson, you probably met my twin already,” he nodded his head.

“Kiana, I’m here with Jalyah, who you seem to be familiar with,” you spoke and he nodded his head.

“The other Puerto Rican one right?” He asked as you nodded your head with a smile.

“Yup,” you nodded your head and let out a soft chuckle due to his question.

“Wait, you’re the other Puerto Rican one who hates parties and stuck up people?” He asked as you nodded your head.

“Your’s truly,” you replied and took a sip of your water while keeping eye contact.

“Cool cool,” he muttered.

“You’re not one of those right? The ones with the Porche’s or Tesla’s, flaunting money around like it’s a personality trait.” You asked and he shook his head.

“The flaunting money around? No,” he replied and took a seat next to you on the counter. “I however own a Porche and Ethan owns a Tesla.” He added while you nodded your head.

“Well, you seem cool dude, so you’re Ight,” you said and he laughed.

“How about you? You’re not one of those LA girls, whose only personality trait is shopping and Instagram?” He asked as you shook your head laughing.

“Absolutely not, I love shopping, thrifting is my area of expertise, and I’m a college student, I don’t have time for Social Media,” you answered as he nodded his head.

“Well, you seem cool dude, so you’re ight,” he said mocking what you said earlier causing a loud laugh to fall past your lips.

“Yeah, I’m just your classic Indie kid, that listens to Tame Impala, and Tyler, The Creator,” you shrugged as he looked at you like he saw a ghost. 

“Tame Impala is a vibe tho,” he said making you smile. 

“It is, but it’s sad that they’re underated.” you said and he agreed. 

“It was nice talking to you dude, but I have to look for Jalyah, gotta make sure she’s not flirting with a lamp or something,” you said jumping off the counter, while his tall self slid off of it.

“The feeling was mutual, I’ll see you around,” he nodded his head and you both walked away from each other.

You found Jalyah outside talking to some people, and just quietly stayed with her. while she talked with different people, you already wanted to go home, but she seemed to be having fun and you didn’t want to ruin that so you just went back inside, in the kitchen hoping that maybe you would see Grayson again.

“I haven’t seen you around here,” said a blonde guy as he walked towards you.

“I’m not from this area,” you simply replied, not in the mood to have a conversation with him.

“Mmh, I'm Isaac, you may know me from my YouTube or Instagram,” he said making you roll your eyes.

“I don’t actually,” You sarcastically smiled as his face dropped. “Never even heard of you,” you added.

“Oh,” he let out.

“Yeah oh,” you said looking around while he just stood there.

“You know anyone else here?” He asked and you mentally groaned and cursed him out.

“Not really, just who I came with, and I just met Grayson and Ethan,” you shrugged, still being friendly, not wanting to be rude or judge him by his appearance.

“Oh they’re cool dudes, they have some sick Rolex’s, but between you and me, mine’s more expensive,” he said making your face scrunch up with disgust and not just mentally.

“Yeah, and they clearly have a better personality than you,” you scoffed as his eyes widened. “Is all you care about money?” You asked him and he responded with a shrugged.

“You have to do what you need to, not just be a bitch,” he replied.

“Listen here Mr. I’m so rich, having money is not a personality trait ok. And reality check, you’re not cute so dropped the act, yeah, and between you and me, those twins are probably ten times the man you’ll ever be,” you said and he just glared at you and walked away.

“What did you tell him, he seems mad,” Grayson’s voice spoke from beside you making you look up at him.

“Nothing, he was just flaunting his money around and stuff, and I don’t fuck with that,” you shrugged as he sat down next to you, just like earlier.

“You’re the first girl I see that turned him down,” he said as you shrugged again.

“Yeah we’ll he’s not my type,” you explained with a little smile on your lips.

“What exactly is your type,” he asked, you knew where this was going, but a little playtime wouldn’t hurt.

“Ummm, Bad Bunny’s kinda cute, and Lunay but I doubt you know who he is.” You said and caught a glimpse of his face slightly dropping.

“I’m kidding, looks are not that important, but a down to earth chill guy, has to listen to Tame, THATS necessary, tall, yeah definitely tall,” you shrugged, “How bout you, what does Mrs. Dolan have to look like or be like?”

“Definitely down to earth how you said, she has to be funny, but serious you know, I’ll take her to Tame concerts so she has to like them, and short, definitely short,” he answered while you smiled.

“She sounds fire, I would be friends with her,” you spoke as he nodded.

“Are you guys staying at the after-party?” He asked and you shot him a look of confusion.

“What’s that, as a party after the party?” You asked and he nodded his head.

“Yeah, but it’s fewer people, usually it’s just close friends and stuff,” he explained and you nodded.

“We’ll probably, Jalyah’s gonna wanna stay, but I’m usually asleep, since two hours ago,” you laughed.

“I go to sleep early, don’t judge,” you said as he began to laugh.

“I’m not judging I do the same thing.” He replied and you nodded your head.

“I feel like this LA life ain’t for me, I thought it was but it’s all just different from what you see on social media,” you said and he nodded his head.

“Yeah it’s not the same,” he said, “but it’s fun sometimes,” he added.

“You could say that Jalyah knows how to have fun, I don’t, I just worry about college all the time,” you said slightly laughing at your miserable life. (On god tho)

“Which is good, because why go to college if you’re not going to pay attention and stuff, and just because you party doesn’t mean you’re fun,” he pointed out and you agreed.

“I guess, but I just wish my life was different, college is exhausting and I don’t even like my major,” you sighed.

“Oh, can you take a break? Like stop and come back?” He asked.

“You can, but I don’t know,” you shrugged.

The rest of the night was spent with you and Grayson getting to know each other, and making jokes.

“Kiana we’re staying here,” Jalyah’s half-drunken self told you while most peoples were leaving.

“I know, Grayson told me.” You told her and she smirked.

“Grayson, like Ethan’s twin?” She asked you, like if you knew anymore Graysons.

“Yes, Ethan’s twin, why?” You asked her and he just shook her head, muttering a “nothing” and walking away.

A couple of minutes later, and only you, Jalyah, Ethan, Grayson, and two guys you learned that were Ryan, and Deon were left.

“Alright, I know truth or Dare sound childish but it’s only us,” Ethan shrugged sitting down on the couch.

“You only live once, so why the fuck not,” You shrugged taking off the grey Yankee shirt you had since you got hot.

“Period,” Jalyah said about to take her shirt off before you stopped her.

“No, no period, this ain’t no strip club,” you said, stopping your now fully drunken friend from embarrassing herself.

“Who’s going first?” She asked and everyone shrugged.

“I’ll go first, Grayson truth or dare?” Ethan said looking at Grayson.

“Truth,” he answered and Ethan thought of a question.

“What’s the most embarrassing thing that happened to you while having sex?” He asked cashing a giggle to fall past your and Jalyah’s lips.

“The girl bit my dick,” he answered carefree while you and Jalyah died of laughter.

“I, how do you, what?” Deon asked while laughing causing you more laughter.

“So you’re telling me she was all up in there, and just bit you?” You laughed while he nodded his head, and Ethan rambled on about how much that would hurt.

“Ok, ok, Kiana truth or dare?” He asked while smirking.

“Truth,” you answered, leaning back on your hands.

“Where’s the strangest place you had sex at?” He asked while a snort came out Jalyah’s nose.

“Nowhere, she’s a virgin,” Jalyah answered for you while you shook your head.

“Thank you Jalyah, for answering that for us,” you sarcastically replied.

“Give her a dare or something,” Ryan mumbled and you nodded your head.

“Wait I have better we played in high school, but you can’t be a pussy,” you said remembering the oh so fun game.

“What is it?” Deon asked you while the others nodded their heads for you to explain.

“It’s called silent library, so for us, we need six pieces of papers, there’s one safe card and then there’ll be five dirty dares, you put them cards facing down, and count to three and everyone has to pick a card, obviously the person with the safe card is safe, while the others have to do the dares.” You explained while they nodded their heads. (this game is so fun, but when people pussy out is annoying)

“So like take off your shirt would be a dare?” Ethan asked and you nodded your head.

“Yeah, if you don’t do it, you don’t get a point, and in the end, the person with the most points wins.” You replied.

“Alright let’s play then,” Grayson said getting up. “I’ll go get the flashcards and pens,” he added and walked away.

“It’s a fun game I promise, the only way you want to have fun is if you don’t do the dares,” you shrugged.

“I’m so ready for this, I’m gonna win,” Deon said causing you to laugh.

“Deon, not to brag, but I used to win all the time, I do all my dares” you smirked while Deon and Ryan let out a loud laugh.

“Baby, I’m the king of doing unexpected shit, you better hope you don’t get my dare,” Deon spoke making your mouth drop. 

“I got the pens,” Grayson’s loud voice spoke right when you were about to say something as he sat next to you.

Everyone wrote the dares down and set up the game in about five minutes, now everyone was sitting in a circle with the cards in the middle.

“OK, ONE TWO THREE GO,” You loudly spoke and everyone’s hand immediately flew down to the floor picking up cards.

“Ok, Ethan what’s yours?” Ryan asked while he laughed.

“Send a risky text to the last person in your DM’s,” he read and looked back up. “It’s not bad,” he added and shrugged.

“What about you Kiana?” He asked and you looked down to read your card.

“Have sex with the person on your left?” You read, knowing that Grayson was on your left. “Who wrote this, I just wanna talk?” You said and heard Deon laugh.

“I told you I’m the king of dares,” he shrugged while you glared at him.

“And I told you, I do all my dares so,”

Honestly, I don't know how to feel about this like I kinda like it but I think the plot is quirky 💀

[azenta]

why did you retype as 3 fix? I'm almost the same type that you wrote in your desc and I don't see having a 3 fix the way you describe it in your tags at all.

Lmao I was joking in my tags. I didn't retype because of astro bs. I retyped for the following reasons:

4 core/fix means a sense of lacking unicity and so a quest in pursuing it. But I hadn't that feeling I had to prove how unique I was, or that I wasn't unique enough or too normal and bland. I know I am unique, I know I have my specialness, my color. So, I basically have no issue with being unique and so don't do image things as a mean to feel unique. I use my unicity to stand out, to somehow get the attention for something else, but not to prove it.

There was some few behavioral patterns that cued me toward 3 too, but of course, i investigated the why behind, I'll come to it later. But one of those behaviors is how I kinda lowkey show off. It's subtle behind a screen, but irl it was hard to miss, especially when I gave "class" to my clients. I have a way to reclaim the attention and to actually "act" and incarnate roles when I give some fictional examples. I become the center of attention very easily if I desire it. People actually listen to me, they get hanged on in part because of the context too, I shine when I am in my domain of expertise. I noticed this tendency on screen too, but it was easier to convince me it was for something else since I had the time to think (and so distort my perception like a real Ni dom). But basically, in one of the gc discord I am, the first thing I did when i first talked was to get to how I clothed myself at work (and how I stranded out at work because of this) and actually sent pictures, which lead me to "am I really showing off like a fucking Prada??". So... this showing off made me first question about a 4w3 fix, but the 4 component didn't seem to be the main reason for those attitudes.

So here I came with "why tf am I doing this? What motivates me?". And first thing happening is me having no conscious clue of why. Which is already fishy imo, especially for a 4 fix that usually totally know when shame hit them. In general, I barely notice when I felt shame until very recently when I could finally catch the feeling, even if it wasnt the predominant one. It was about failing, failing to kinda succeed and show how competent and resourceful I was despite my lack of expertise in those circumstances. It lead me to an "anger crisis", close to an anxiety attack, but I was just utterly pissed off, felt powerless af, disappointed and lowkey ashamed. One of my coworker took me away and took time with me so I could decompress, and this is when I felt the most shame. It should be a client crying out of frustration, here, where I was sitting, with my coworker taking care of them, not me a fucking social worker actually on a fucking shift?? Wtf?? I almost wanted to avoid my coordinator to explain him what happened, I was scared to get reprimanded, even tho it is totally not how we proceed at my job. He just welcomed me warmly and questioned the deeper reason behind. I already had part of the answer, but I was still too emotionally fragile to think it out. In the end, i realised I was kinda seeking some approval, some praise in my 5 ways. It is not predominant, but it was still there.

Also, I thought back about my childhood and how I was raised on the Image side. I kinda found that I was really attention seeking with my parents, and the way to get it was to be good at "things" (like drawing, or school. I even took dance classes, and got the praise of my parent, my mom particularly). In fact, rn I realise the image part was to gain the attention of my mom since I felt she was more absent than my father (thus the 5 core in part, + my father fucking up), and the way to get it was to be good and get good. But, she still accepted me when I had harder time, like poorer result, and didn't impose strict standards either, so that's why it ended up as a last fix. She supported me in my difficulty, but I still learned I needed to demand attention and be somehow performative to get it. I always was seen as the unique precious daughter, so the 4 always was well fed in me, but I end up using it in a 3 way to boost the result of what 3 wants to get. Appraisal, admiration, a sense of worth through its achievement.

So, overall, that's the main reasons and reasoning leading to it. Being soc blind kinda eliminated many stereotypical 3 manifestation, so it made me question for a while. But, it explains better the shame aspect and my on and off relation with emotions (omitting 5 core and 1/9 fix really don't help the case either...).

[sigmadecay]

Thoughts on my inability to message you back in a timely manner?? 🤔 FGHFGh jk, but really, what are your thoughts on Till's work with Peter? And, this may be an unoriginal question but, as a scientist, what are your projections for COVID-19?? Thanks for answering, darling!! ^ u ^,, 💖

(SHUSH ILY 💕)

I like it!! I know Lindemann kinda gets a lot of flack for being less ~articulate~ and ~Deep~ than Rammstein but I think it’s good to have a project that seems as fun as that one clearly is. Till & Peter obviously get along really well and have creative instincts that mesh, and the addition of Peter Stormare makes the whole thing seem like it’s a fucking blast tbh. Even tho I’m personally not a fan of the first album, I really love what they’ve done with the music videos and I ADORE F&M. Sometimes the inherent value of something is that it’s Fun As Fuck, and I can totally get behind that.

Oh no, I’m actually so glad you asked that because I get this from my family a lot and this is an excellent opportunity to make a (small) PSA. Everything I know about COVID-19 I’ve learned from other scientists. I’m following the lead of epidemiologists, virologists, and anybody else who studies contagious diseases, because even though I’m a scientist, I’m really not qualified to make any assertions about what I think will happen. Science is a huge field, and I really know very little about how viruses behave, especially on an international scale. Any expertise I have begins and ends with behavioral neuroscience and sleep. I’m not upset that people ask me this, because I totally get it! As my family members have said to me “you’re not an expert, but you’re more of an expert than us”. I just feel that it’s really important to make that distinction because conservative news networks will take advantage of this. They’ll invite scientists on their shows, but they’ll be like, particle physicists, who are going like “yeah masks probably won’t do anything.” Particle physicists are no doubt intelligent, but again, this is not their speciality. Anyone who is confidently telling you anything about a deadly and highly contagious pandemic? You should absolutely be demanding their credentials.

That being said! A second wave is predicted in the US in the fall, based on the trajectory of similar illnesses. There is evidence to indicate that masks and socially distancing are effective prevention measures. I am also firmly in the camp of “even if they turned out to be useless, they’re not making anything worse.” A standard surgical mask should not interfere with your breathing. And if you have some issue where it does, you should not be going outside *at all*, because if you catch COVID-19 and your lungs are THAT BAD, it’s really not looking great.

Thanks for the ask! Sorry I rambled 😅

[jamesbuchananxsteviegrant]

Jaw Dropping, Blood Pouring | Steve x Bucky x Reader (Angst)

Category: Angst (Suggested) Age: 15+ Trigger Warnings: Gun violence Ship: Bucky x Steve x Reader Summary: Reader Gets Seriously Hurt On A Mission Request: N/A Contains Spoilers for: N/A Word Count: 1,733

---

“Tony, you go East side with Bruce. Natasha, you go with Clint and Thor to check out the South side. Bucky and (Y/N) will go North and whoever is done first, go clear West. Got it?” Steve announces as the team group up, analyses the amount of aliens attacking the city.

The team all nod and head off in their respective directions.

“Right, guys-“ Steve begins to talk to his two partners only to see them already running off to fight. He can’t help but chuckle and shake his head, running off after them.

“Catch up, Stevie.” (Y/N) calls, jokingly, as he joins their fight.

The man manages to chuckle as he blocks attack after attack.

“Alright, sweetheart, don’t let your head get too big for your boots.”

The girl grins to herself as she continues to fight off the creatures. The truth is they have no idea what is attacking the city but they won’t stop until they’re gone.

Tony put together her whole get-up. Outfit is more-or-less similar to Natasha’s, but she’s on the guns. Tony found out about her online from some competitions she’d won year after year and had to trace her down. No-one knows to this day how she got her expertise gun skills, but they don’t question it. Tony set her up with some guns that essentially shoot out the same beams as his suit.

The trio together are practically unstoppable. Back when they first told the team that they were together, Tony demanded that they don’t go on missions together because they’ll distract one another, but Natasha argued for them.

“Are you kidding, Stark? (L/N), Barnes and Rogers on a mission would be an unstoppable force!”

They all remember it and it will forever make them laugh.

“STEVE!” Bucky yells, shooting the creature that was about to attack his boyfriend.

There’s no time for thank yous, Steve merely smiling in appreciation.

The thing that makes the trio unstoppable is that they refuse to let anything hurt the other. None of them would be able to handle any of them getting hurt. Their sole purpose is to protect one another. Which is why when they hear her scream, they panic. Everything else, every other creature attacking the city becomes irrelevant at the sound of her scream. Her fear. Her pain.

Bucky and Steve both instantly kill the creatures they’re attacking and turn to look at their girl, seeing the huge gash in her back that’s bleeding out through her suit. The sight of her still fighting even tho the amount of blood pouring from her is life-threatening.

“I know I’m gorgeous but can you two stop staring and help me out!” She shouts, voice strained as she continues to fight off the amount of creatures attacking her.

The pair snap out of their trance and sprint toward the girl, Steve throwing his shield to get rid of a large percentage of the bastards whilst Bucky throws punches. Once the aliens are all on the men instead of her, she stumbles back, the pain of her stab wound taking its toll. Her breathing becoming laboured, her eyes falling onto the ground where a puddle of her blood has formed.

Reaching up, the woman presses her ear piece.

“It’s me; we need help round North side, there’s too many of them here and I’ve been injured. Steve and Bucky can’t do this alone.” She forces, her laboured breathing heard by all the team.

“I’m on my way.” Both Clint and Bruce say at the same time.

“Heads up, Rogers, Barnes.” Tony adds, prompting the men to back up as two beams shoot down from Iron Man’s suit, killing a few of the enemies. “Get your girl, we’ll clear this.” He adds.

Bucky and Steve’s heads both snap to look at (Y/N) and run to her as her knees give out.

“(Y/N)!” Steve yells, Bucky catching her.

“Fuck, doll, you’re okay. You’re gonna be okay. Keep those eyes open for me.” The super soldier coos, stroking her hair.

Tony lands beside them after clearing up the enemies.

“What happened?” He questions.

“She got cut across her back. It’s big and it’s deep.” Steve explains, prompting a chuckle to escape from the woman before it turns into groaning in pain. “Bad time for inappropriate comments, (Y/N).” He teases.

“Your fault, Stevie.” The woman groans, managing to throw her lover a wink.

She takes a moment to try and calm her breathing as it becomes more erratic but it’s barely any use. Bucky wraps his arms around her body, lifting her bridal style.

“Sorry, doll, gotta get you to the jet.” The man murmurs, giving her a sympathetic smile.

(Y/N) isn’t stupid. She can see the whirl of emotions swirling in the man’s eyes as he sees his girlfriend become paler and paler by the second. Without another thought, she raises her hand to his cheek and strokes it, flashing him a smile.

“I love you, James Buchanan Barnes.” She whispers, her voice breaking at the end.

She wants to be strong but she can feel tears forming in her eyes as she feels her body get weaker. She doesn’t want to die. She can’t even begin to imagine how crazy Bucky and Steve will be without her.

“No, no, no, doll. Don’t you do that, don’t you start saying that.” He begs, letting the raw emotions come out.

“I’m so sorry, babe.” (Y/N) whimpers, flicking her gaze to Steve who’s trying to explain to Nat what happened as quickly as he can. “Stevie…” She whispers, her voice not loud enough in the slightest.

“STEVE!” Bucky yells, prompting the Captain to instantly dash to their side.

“I love you, Steven Grant Rogers.” The woman utters to her other partner, watching his heart break.

“No. No, don’t you dare say that. You stay awake, you hear me? You keep those eyes on me and Buck.” He demands, but he knows his words are useless.

(Y/N) can only smile and glance between their two traumatised faces.

“Kiss me.”

Bucky doesn’t hesitate to lean down and press his lips to hers, feeling her tremble.

“I love you, doll.” He murmurs.

“Say my name.” Her voice is becoming quieter and quieter.

“I am in love with you, (Y/N) (M/N) (L/N).”

Smiling, she turns to glance at Steve, Bucky momentarily stopping in his steps so his other partner can kiss the girl.

“I love you, (Y/N) (M/N) (L/N). You’re gonna be alright.” The super soldier states, but before he can say otherwise, her eyes are closed. “(Y/N)!”

“(Y/N)! Open those eyes! Come on, doll, look at me.” Bucky also cries out, breaking into a sprint as he gets to the jet.

///

“She’s awake.” Bruce’s voice prompts the two soldier’s up on their feet. “She’s still in a pretty critical condition but she’ll be fine.”

The men nod and enter the room, relief flooding them as they see their girl’s eyes immediately.

“(Y/N)…” Steve breathes out, both men striding toward her bed, standing on either side.

“Hey, Cap. Sarge.” Her voice is still strained but she’s smiling.

The girl can see the bloodshot eyes of her lovers and it breaks her heart.

“You’ve been crying.” She whispers, hand hands reaching up to rest of the cheek of both of the men, them leaning down to assist.

“Can you blame us?” Bucky mutters, forcing a smile.

“We thought we’d lost you, sweetheart.” Steve adds, his own hand reaching up to rest on hers.

***

“Barnes, Rogers, stay back, let Banner take her!” Natasha attempts, trying to stop the men fighting to stay by their girl’s side as she’s led into the medical bay.

Steve calms himself before Bucky does, Bucky relentlessly trying to get to the girl.

“Buck,” Captain attempts, grabbing his partner’s shoulder. “Bucky, please.” He begs, voice breaking as he he’s the distress in his lover’s eyes.

Something snaps Bucky out of his trance as he hers the pain in Steve’s voice, stopping his thrashing and turning toward the super soldier.

“Steve…” The Winter Soldier’s voice murmurs, reaching forward and wrapping his arms around the man.

Steve breaks. His job is to try and be strong for both Bucky and (Y/N), knowing that they’ve been through the most pain, but right now he can’t do it. His girl is in there fighting for her life because he failed to protect her. His only damn job on that field is to protect her and he failed.

“Stevie,” Bucky breathes as he feels the man’s sobs and whimpers that are muffled by his jacket.

James wants nothing more than to assure his partner that their girl will be alright but he’s just as scared. Just as traumatised and just as guilty.

“She’s gonna be fine. She’s stronger than any of us lot, that’s for sure. Have a little faith in her.” Tony attempts to calm his two friends.

Friends.

Truth is he still hates Bucky with a burning passion but he trusts Steve’s word. Or at least he’s trying to.

(Y/N) is his best friend as well and if she can fall in lover with the Winter Soldier, then he can’t be all that bad. She’s not a stupid woman. She wouldn’t date a criminal.

Bucky can��t help but press continuous kisses to his boyfriend’s head as he continues to sob.

“I love you, Stevie. She’s gonna be alright and so are we, okay?”

***

“I’m sorry.” (Y/N) whispers, feeling tears form in her own eyes as she looks into the depths of Bucky and Steve’s.

Both the soldiers widen their eyes.

“What?” Bucky questions.

“No. God, no, sweetheart, don’t apologise. Don’t apologise for this.” Steve adds. “We should’ve protected you…”

The girl frantically shakes her head in denial of Steve’s words.

“It’s not your job to protect me; I’m a big girl who can protect herself, I just got caught out and fucked myself over.”

Bucky presses his lips to the woman’s knuckles.

“Never scare me - us - like that again. I can’t lose you. Steve can’t lose you. Nobody in this damned tower can lose you, alright, doll?” He tells her, prompting more tears to fall from her eyes.

She nods her head.

“I love you so much, Bucky. And you, Stevie.” Her weak voice whimpers.

“We love you too, sweetheart.” Steve responds, also kissing her hand.

“So fucking much, doll, you have no idea.”

[touchlotsofbutts]

Tay’s fav new artists, songs, albums of 2019; decade favs too <3

Hello friends. I have listened to 20,000 songs this year (#brag). Some of them I have listened to more than once, and some of them are all together on one really good album I like. Here's some lists of the songs, albums, and people who make them that I liked a lot.

For your listening convenience: a Spotify playlist with the artists, songs, and albums in question. One song from each artist, one song from each album: checka me out

5 new artists from (roughly) this year (unordered)

Slayyyter

Slayyyter is the logical conclusion of the early 2000's pop wave, absolutely bubble gum but no longer pulling and punches with its sexual desire. "He wanna get in my guts" indeed.

100 Gecs

I love high energy, I love noise, and I love catchy. Synthesize major electronic musical movements of the last 10 years and then kick that in the dick and you get 100 Gecs.

Stef Chura

A consistent AF album, with great single songs and a slow procession as well, I'm very hyped for more!

Glass Beach

This band is cutting edge, they know a shitton about music, their hour long album feels like it's only 30 minutes, it teleports you away.

Nilüfer Yanya

Clearly someone who is making music with a succinct style and aesthetic, I find it great to see a full album form around (relatively) simple concepts like an imaginary mental health spa.

10 Songs from this year (ordered)

10. "Good News (Ya-Ya Song)" by MUNA

Unexpectedly a smash hit for me, this is such a simple song but something in the melody stirs a deep and warming feeling within me.

9. "Falling Down The Stairs Of Your Smile" by The New Pornographers

New Pornographers always have great singles. Their albums never quite capture the same feeling, and it breaks my heart every time. Still love the band.

8. "Can't Believe The Way We Flow" by James Blake

A many month throwback, this song was a go-to for the whole year. Seemingly forgotten by many (surely not Dave tho), this album and song really showed additional depth for Blake in my eyes.

7. "24" by IDK

Should to DJ Big Fan. This song is fun as fuck and has so many good one-liners. "She says she not a THOT she a nymphooo"

6. "Clarity" by Kim Petras

This song is a guilty pleasure, not because I am ashamed of its content or sound, but because Kim consistently works with Dr. Luke, the fuckhead who absolutely abused Ke$ha. This song absolutely bops though. Oof.

5. "All I Do is Lie" by Stef Chura

A very small sleeper hit for me, and a big regret when I missed Stef playing nearby, but I love the winding and twisting of this song and the simple mantras bouncing back and forth between meanings.

4. "Lark" by Angel Olsen

This song encapsulates all of Angel's album. It's the lead-in to the album, and it truly matches the scope and grandeur.

3. "Stupid Horse" by 100 Gecs

A song so strong I also want to beat the shit out of a jockey. Distill 100 gecs and for me, this song is at the center. High energy, nonsense, and just total fun. I don't feel bad saying I kind of wish all music sounded like this (sometimes).

2. "Jelmore" by Bon Iver

14,115 feet above sea level, I look out to the sweeping arc of the horizon, a cloudy sky blankets the landscape I left behind. Play this song on your rental car speakers when you choose to conquer fear and ascend a towering mountain.

1. "Gretel" by (Sandy) Alex G

I adore the slow fade in, the garbled vocals, the familiar guitar. The garbled mix slowly devolves into a clear message. Alex G has said he never looks up lyrics, that there is an ambiguity to all words in songs. Is that why he sings this with such clear conviction? There's no misinterpretation here: "good people got something to lose."

20 Albums from this year (ordered)

The first ten are great, but I didn't want to blurb for them all!

20. Clarity by Kim Petras

19. MAGDALENE by FKA Twigs

18. Midnight by Stef Chura

17. Miss Universe by Nilüfer Yanya

16. Dedicated by Carly Rae Jepsen

15. Two Hands by Big Thief

14. Assume Form by James Blake

13. basking in the glow by oso oso

12. Why Hasn't Everything Already Disappeared? by Deerhunter

11. Pang by Caroline Polachek

10. Animated Violence Mild by Blanck Mass

I became stuck in place while listening to Blanck Mass on a plane this summer. One of the only albums I downloaded, it was all I had at 30,000 feet, thrumming engines piercing all the other music I had handy. The cacophony only added to this album, noise layered on noise but turning into melodies and stretching into songs.

9. Father of the Bride by Vampire Weekend

I don't know a ton about jam bands, but I definitely feel it when everyone else says this album was made in hopes of becoming one. This long ass album has some great highs, some charming lows, and honestly a really good chunk of Danielle Haim. Really a soundtrack to 2019 in a lot of ways. But it's really fuckin' long.

8. IGOR by Tyler, the Creator

Tyler's career has had the craziest arc. Rapping about killing women and progressing all the way to IGOR, which, is it even a rap album? The album contains such clear direction and vision, and far less of the reckless anger that Tyler became known for. The energy and sound has been honed down to a fine point, and there's a conciseness that sticks with you for hours after listening.

7. House of Sugar by (Sandy) Alex G

Alex G has always done so much for me. Bedroom music that has transformed each time into bigger and more detailed versions of itself. House of Sugar is no exception. While maybe a little less thrilling for me than Rocket, it's another evolution of this stripped down style, still laid bare but richer all the same.

6. U.F.O.F. by Big Thief

A lot of lists are going to feature some Big Thief. Big Thief is good, their music pierces you through the flesh and hits you in the bones. It stirs the spirit of a time now lost, sidelong glances through thickets of woodsy pines, listening to a friend play a simple song on their new guitar. It's great to celebrate a band and an album that puts a lot of pretense to bed and creates a simple, pleasing experience.

5. Charli by Charli XCX

Charli delivers an album after years of PC Music collaborated mix tapes and psuedo-album releases. Charli isn't some sort of second coming, but is the pinnacle of her expertise: fantastic collaborations, cutting edge beats, and familiar tales of her love and loss.

4. All Mirrors by Angel Olsen

Angel wasn't really known for her grandeur. Her songs and albums were dynamic, sure, with strong emotions, but All Mirrors dives into the direction of a grand pool, crystal clear and vast. "Lark" is a sweeping masterpiece, while "All Mirrors" has a methodical build and release. Angel is fully putting her voice and composition to work with an album this magnificent.

3. the first glass beach album by Glass Beach

My favorite description for this band is "post-emo." Many of my compatriots are not fond of band genres in generally, but for me this really nails it. It's a combination of an emotional, DIY scene with an online mentality, which I feel is representing the pace of the world. Also the music absolutely blasts, grand and epic and quiet and pensive, meandering as it wants.

2. Ghosteen by Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds

Until about two months ago, I wasn't even a huge Nick Cave fan. Serendipitously, I happened to look into his backlog a couple weeks before this surpirse release. I spent a small amount of time looking into his older style, but when Ghosteen popped up, it floored me. That tangible loss, the grief that winds around you and grips you from within, it's on this album in full force. It's an album I know I will listen to sparingly, but lovingly, for ages and ages.

1. 1000 Gecs by 100 Gecs

I typically do not measure these kinds of lists by the number of listens. Usually albums with emotional weight or impact are not so accessible or listenable. This album is an absolute exception, it is crystalline and pure, it is powerful and subtle, its energy infectious. For me, it's a clear message describing the future of music I love.

Honorable menties, not conclusive or ordered, from this year:

Albums:

IDK's Is He Real?

Holly Herndon's PROTO

JPEGMAFIA's All My Heroes Are Cornballs

Battles's Juice B Crypts

Bon Iver's i,i

American Football's American Football (LP3)

DIIV's Deceiver

Anamanguchi's [USA]

Sir Babygirl's Crush on Me

Sharon Van Etten's Remind Me Tomorrow

Hemlock Ernst & Kenny Segal's Back At The House

Jay Som's Anak Ko

Florist's Emily Alone

Songs:

"Harmony Hall" by Vampire Weekend

"Superbike" by Jay Som

"Aute Cuture" by ROSALÍA

Many many others!

Roughly 10 of 2010-2019's best albums (unordered)

Halcyon Digest by Deerhunter

Encapsulate all of the indie rock I listened to and make it so dramatic it oozes lackadaisical energy.

The Idler Wheel Is Wiser Than the Driver of the Screw and Whipping Cords Will Serve You More Than Ropes Will Ever Do by Fiona Apple

The title is as long as the album is great. I am chomping at the bit for Fiona to follow this up with literally anything.

Carrie & Lowell by Sufjan Stevens

Many feel Sufjan could do no wrong, but it's not that he's unimpeachable, it's that he is able to shift his sound in pivotal ways at pivotal moments.

Cerulean Salt by Waxahatchee

Waxahatchee captured the post college ennui I was so suddenly thrust into, and continues to kick ass even after I got over the dread.

Allelujah! Don't Bend! Ascend! by Godspeed You! Black Emperor

This album kicks ass, but also I have an undying emotional connection to it since I listened to it on repeat the months after pops died! "We Drift Like Worried Fire" is entwined in my soul.

Good Kid, M.A.A.D City by Kendrick Lamar

There is a lot of great Kendrick to choose from, but the one absolutely stacked with bangers will remain my favorite (but I totally acknowledge the artistic merit and beyond of Damn. and TPAB).

The Monitor by Titus Andronicus

I only got into this album like four years after the fact, but it scratched the civil-war-concept-album-actually-about-the-Northeast I didn't know I had! Pumped it also taught me a cool Abe Lincoln speech.

E•MO•TION by Carly Rae Jepsen

This album guided me from toeing around pop music to going all in and finally have a good time in life.

Song of the summer:

"Steal My Sunshine" by Len

Remarkably, for the 20th year in a row, the song of the summer is Len's "Steal My Sunshine." What a powerhouse.

[mic-and-cheese]

👀 ooooh would you answer all the salty questions?? but I understand if that's too much, in that case 1, 2, 7, 8, 9, 13, 16, 19, 20, 21, 23, 26, 27

Hell yeah I’ll do all the salt asks!! Some answers may get repetitive tho1. What OTPs in your fandom(s) do you just not get?

H/evelyn, E/lastigale B/oddy, S/ynlet... honestly anything that isn’t like, hinted at in canon

2. Are there any popular fandom OTPs you only BroTP?

The only one that comes to mind is Bob and Lucius, but even then I don’t know how popular that is

3. Have you ever unfollowed someone over a fandom opinion?

Sure have! I got sick of literally everyone in the fandom at one point and unfollowed everyone save for the people in the Syndrome discord

4. Do you have a NoTP in your fandom? Are they a popular OTP?

All the ships from question 1, but mostly H/evelyn, E/lastigale, and S/ynlet. The first two ships are shipped by probably... 4/5th of the entire fandom with E/lastigale probably making up most of that. Idk how popular S/ynlet is anymore though, but it was big back during the original movie. Either way, all of those ships squick me out in one way or another

5. Has fandom ever ruined a pairing for you?

I used to think E/velage or whatver the fuck the ship name is was really cute and had an interesting dynamic with Mirage hopping from one rich guy to the next, but as I’ve said before, most (read: all) people who ship it seem to tend to ship it out of... spite? because they hate the idea of Mirage being with Buddy? To the point of butchering their characters in order to make the ship seem as horrible as possible? I mean I know I have my own petty reasons for not necessarily enjoying Mirage and Buddy together but jeez...

6. Has fandom ever made you enjoy a pairing you previously hated?

I wouldn’t say I enjoy it, nor did I hate it since I don’t invest time into canon x canon ships at all, but Hardenshipping is pretty cute.

7. Is there anything you used to like but can’t stand now?

Used to like the idea of critical portions of fandom but I don’t think I have to finish this sentence.

8. Have you received anon hate? What about?

Wouldn’t hardly call it an anon, and also hardly wouldn’t call it hate but last week or so I got someone from the i/ncredibles server I left messaging me on anon (even though they said who they were?) dishing out some pretty lame insults for no reason since I haven’t talked to em in a month so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

9. Most disliked character(s)? Why?

E/velyn. Like I said last time, she’s a disgrace for what the series stands for. Though I will unashamedly admit that most of that belief is due to bias because I wouldn’t be any more than neutral to her if her fanbase knew how to shut the fuck up. I usually make it a point not to be a hypocrite like that but I’ve gotten to the point that I really don’t care.

10. Most disliked arc? Why?

I/ncredibles 2 doesn’t exist to me, does that count?

11. Is there an unpopular character you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why?

For some reason, that fandom hates well developed villains? Because he does... villainous things? I dunno. I’d say that just means more Buddy for me, but sometimes I wonder how I survive on his lack of content.

12. Is there an unpopular arc that you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why?

I don’t really watch many things with arcs, so no

13. Unpopular opinion about XXX character?

This entire blog is an unpopular opinion about Buddy

14. Unpopular opinion about your fandom?

That’s not my fucking fandom

12. Unpopular opinion about the manga/show?

Well there’s no... manga but I’ll count the comics and books instead. Anyway the way Buddy’s treated, especially in the books like the reason he can’t be a hero is because he doesn’t have powers is really fucking cruel.

13. If you could change anything in the show, what would you change?

I have a lot of feelings on this

also @ Brad Bird make Kandrome canon

14. Instead of XYZ happening, I would have made ABC happen…

I mean... I have a lot of au ideas sure, but I wouldn’t change actual canon for them. Hell, I’m actually conflicted on if Buddy should have lived if I had the power to change that

15. Does not shipping something ‘popular’ mean you’re in denial and/or biased?

no, but I’ll have to make an exception for that fandom

16. What is the one thing you hate most about your fandom?

one thing? Fuck man, if I only hated one thing most about this fandom I’d still be in it. The feeling of entitlement, the backstabbing, the cliques, the false accusations, the immature anon hate and trolling, the hypocrisy and double standards... I mean there’s more than that but everything else can really fit into those categories probably

17. What is the purest ship in the fandom?

Hob. Just, Hob. Alpha and Flamey from TOME are pure tho, I’ve been wanting to talk about TOME too but that fandom actually isn’t toxic is fuck so

18. What are your thoughts on crack ships?

Don’t care for them much but they’re whatever I guess. I do actually enjoy Edna and Buddy as a mentor/student relationship tho

19. Popular character you hate?

Evelyn? All the wannabes except Screech and maaaaybe Voyd?

20. Unpopular character you love?

21. Would you recommend XXX to a friend? Why or why not?

Yeah totally! Great movie, hell I’d recommend them both! Just stay away from the fandom. Though if you’re looking for a great show with a fandom that isn’t trying to actively kill your brain cells I’d recommend Terrain of Magical Expertise!

22. How would you end XXX/Would you change the ending of XXX?

Like I said earlier, I’m actually really conflicted on if Buddy should have died. On one hand, its a very fitting ending that his own oversight is his downfall, but on the other hand I mean my poor baby... of course I want to see him alive and well again and no one deserves to die that way I mean... jeez, man... jeez...

23. Most shippable character?

I mean I don’t have an opinion on that because I’m not a shipper but ironically I think Buddy may be the most shipped character? In terms of how many people I’ve seen him shipped with anyway? Weird how that works.

As for TOME... I think I’d consider.... Nnnnnylocke...? (dragon of big dick energy) the most shippable? 

24. Least shippable character?

I think a lot of characters tie for this place? Obviously the side characters aren’t shipped much, but of all the least shipped important characters I guess I’d say Edna?

TOME wise, I’d choose Kirb because he too is small and angry

That explains a lot about me I think, too

[ts-hvv4]

EPISODE ONE: “GAMERS NEVER STOP GAMING” - SHARIFA

As castaways got to know each other, or catch up with old cast mates, the inactivity of others set the wheels in motion for a vote off.

WOW! Season 93 holy cow. This season has started out to be anything but normal. Within my tribe, I’ve played with 5/9 members previously - which is not what I expected. I’m extremely nervous about Ricky and Emma because based off our calls and chats, they’re worried about past drama from Easter island and other ORGs being a factor in our relationships. I’m trying to let go of everything but they seem to disagree. I’ll make a more in depth review of my tribe at a later time!

Ok, so so far I've spoken with a few people. Birch, Keegan, Cheatham, Olivia, Ned, Kurt and Trent. I'm feeling Kurt and Trent so far, Kurt I found out through him we've know each other from possibly an old mini or something, and Trent we have the same interests. So far so good. I know Chris, we had a great bond back in the day but it doesn't mean we will here. Me and Emma used to talk but I saw she recently unfriended me so...and Sarah I love her, Andreas I hope is the same Andreas because I miss him. Matt I lowkey want to meet because distance wise he's the closest to me, so we could maybe bond about similar areas and such, and he seems cool. I may have more to same later but this is how I feel right now!

I cannot believe I was uber nervous last night! I have no clue why either, guess it was because it was a lot at one time and like seeing others say it was a super strong cast was a lot. Given I just got into this community like a month ago I think I was able to see my biggest obstacle will be getting to somehow squeeze in and be comfortable since I am like extremely shy ahhhhhh

* a little while lateR*

A lot of my tribe seemed really cool! Dennis I feel the closest to already and then Andreas was so nice to keep me informed on things. Matt is also like the bombdiggity, Sarah is a sassy omelette, Kage is like the second coming of Shaggy Rogers, Ricky/Niklas I look forward to talking to more and the others I hope to talk to some more but because I woke up 10 minutes ago my memory sucks

WHY TF IS MATT SUMMERS HERE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Anyways I like everyone on my tribe. Birch is once again making friendship bracelets (they never sent out the ones they made in tashirojima lmao) and everyone is so enamored and I’m just like yep mhm. I’m getting along well with Ned, Keegan, and Kurt. Sharifa and I finally have a good dialogue going this morning and I really like her but she’s won like twice and I know trent has her high on his kill list for that. Malik and I finally talked today more which was nice. Cheatham seems cheeky and we talked a little bit not much and I’m really dropping the ball with Jake I feel bad like I def need to talk to him but agh it’s so hard trying to keep up with nine people lmao. It’s like birch and I are just going through the motions like we don’t even know what to say really other than hi how’re you I’m good thanks bc of all we went through in the game we just played. I wish I could vote them out so I wouldn’t have to deal with all those emotions. Also I’m very distressed about matt summers being here he probably doesn’t even remember me but oh sweet jesus GC was so horrible for me and I don’t hate him or anything but he double idoled me out like why tf did he have to be here 😭😭

Malik is not a lotr fan rip him

Alright, I've had some time to sleep on this game and I have some early thoughts. I think yesterday I put my guard up to soon. This season I am going to be more cool, calm, and collected then I have in previous seasons. I know I have a past with some people, who I really don't trust. I think it would be stupid for my narrative to be based around drama that occurred 5 years ago when I was 17, so I am going to be the bigger person here and hope other people aren't.

Last night a couple people jumped on call. This included Kage, Matt, Sarah, Emma, Chris, Ricky, and I. The call brought me right back to 2015 - it was wild. We kind of had a little chat about our past games. Anyways, then Ricky out of the blue brings up my FTC in Easter Island - a season which had so much tension. There were two sides - My Alliance and Ricky's alliance. Ricky's alliance pretty much maintained control of the game the entire game, and seventeen year-old Andreas was salty about it. I thought it was interesting he did that..... it concerns me he may still be mad at me for things that happened five years ago.

*Andreas walks away from the camera, does a big sigh and plops himself back down on the rock*

Time for a review of my tribe: 

 Sarah - LOVE OF MY LIFE!!! Sarah and I go back way far in Bangladesh. We spent my entire game together where she blindsided me. Since then, we've become great friends and I even flew to Vancouver to meet her IRL. She's my #1 in this game for sure. 

 Kage - Eastern Canadian King! I met Kage in Great Lakes where we didn't see eye-to-eye in a game sense but got along on a personal level. The GL cast remains one of my fav casts I've ever played with and I'm excited to meet this new Kage.

 Emma - Emma is a dangerous player. Every game I've ever played with her, aside from Jordan Pines, she has done me so dirty. After the last game we played, my guard is really up with her, so I am going to try to not get too wrapped in her web.

 Ricky - Not sure how he feels about me, I would like to work with him because he is smarter then people give him credit for. Hopefully it all works out between us. 

 Chris - I like Chris. I think Chris is buttering me up though, not sure if he really wants to work with me or this is all an act. Either way, he has made it clear he has no connections and is a hero so he for sure someone I'd like to go far with :) 

Matt - Matt fucking Summers (in the words of Laure LMAO). Matt is a really nice guy, but has the reputation of being very dangerous. In a weird way, I think I can kind of be the watered down Matt Summers depending on the day. I would love to work with him, because I think he's a big personality that could place me in the background of the game. 

 Dennis - I find speaking with Dennis so easy! Not only is he nice and personable, but easy to have a good chat with. I would like to work with Dennis if I can. 

 Lukas - I find chatting with Lukas a bit harder then I should, but I expect it just based off our personalities. I am really trying hard to socialize with him, so hopefully it shouldn't be terrible. 

 Nick - Nick is in a similar spot to Lukas for me - but I don't find it as hard to chat with him. I'm drawing from my improv expertise this season and doing a lot of 'yes and' ing to stuff. With him, that's what I've been doing in the hopes I can build a stronger relationship. So far it's working. 

 That's all for now! Let's see what happens with Kage at the island thing haha

 SOOO Emma is amazing. I really hope she's not good friends with anyone else in the cast cause I love her and I want her to be my #1 Jake is chill. I'm gonna keep him around for a bit, but he ALWAYS backstabs his friends so I don't trust him Chris seems cool. He's gonna be a schemer/utr I feel it. But I enjoy talking to him Matt, I'm still trying to get a feel for. He's from WV so I started talking to him about Noah Salvatore and somehow they went to the same school together so he clearly has bad luck. Dennis and I have been getting along. I talked to him a lot about my game last time tho. That made me realize I need to keep my friendships with Jake and Emma on the LOW. Kage is messy. Even this morning he's still talking to me like this: it’s terrivle nothing bere i haven't really talked to anyone else yet. Ricky and Kage both just seem so hard to talk to one on one. 

Hi!! so I am the first one on my tribe to go to Ancient Thera. Kage came from the other tribe and HE IS NOVA SCOTIAN!!!!!!!! F2 right there!!! I am so hyped that I met him!!! he lives an hour from me!!!! AHHHHHHH!! I also betrayed him already and went for tribal advantage instead of personal as we agreed. also, the chances of me and him are so high I'm actually so excited!!. I can Picture me and hm becoming good friends, he and I have a lot in common. this tribe is also amazing!!

Oh god I’ve never played this challenge and I’ve always felt bad for those who did fuck

First Confessional! It's been about a day since the season began and this tribe is rockin'! I've had some pretty great conversations with most of the tribe. However there have been a couple people lacking in the social department. Most notably is NED, who I've apparently played with before but I can barely remember him. I guess he's just been busy all day, and it's only been a day so I'm not holding it against him much. SHARIFA has not been the most social with me but we have discussed some New Years resolutions and how poorly we do with those. Aside from that, I really like BIRCH, MALIK and KURT. I think they're top notch people so far and I'm hoping I can plod on forward and actually form an alliance of sorts with them. My biggest struggle right now is trying to decide whether I want to initiate any game talk this early, or if I should just hold out for a little longer so I don't come across like I'm playing too hard right out of the gates.

How does one turn a convo from fun and friendly to strategic without just straight up being like “how do you feel about everybody” bc that’s such a loaded question but the easiest route to what you wanna talk about lmao. TLDR I’m trying to talk to Kurt strategically and I’ve typed and deleted a message about a million times. Ned and I bonded super well we called for a minute and I feel so bad bc he’s like “I get close to one person and we’re together to the end I’m super loyal” and I’m like ME TOO NORMALLY BUT I ALREADY HAVE LUKAS AND TRENT and like I already love Ned I wanna be his friend and I know he trusts me super well already so that’s good I’m just worried for if/when he finds out I already have a tight twosome ahdjsks. But that’s way ahead I needn’t worry rn. I want a four person alliance with Kurt, Ned, Trent and myself. Ned said he liked Kurt and Trent so that’s great and Trent is obviously down so I just gotta grow a pair and talk to Kurt. I also really like Kellogg (can’t remember his real name ever but it’s similar to Kellogg; I’m such an ass) and Sharifa too she’s super cool. She’s won twice so I’m a littler nervy but I like her a lot. I talked with Jake a little bit more but still not much and cheatham I think I ignored all day yikes. Birch is beloved in the eyes of the tribe rn but hehe I’m still not buying into it sorry!! I like them a lot outside of the game but I’ll never ever trust them in a game. I was talking with Ned and he said he hasn’t connected well with them and wouldn’t mind voting them out so woo. It’s gonna be tricky to try and get that to have any traction since she just did something generous for the tribe sigh. Gonna have to be patient like I was patient with someone else in Mykonos. I can be patient, certainly.

I FORGOT MALIK he’s so kind I like him a lot but he’s not as giving in a convo as others so I feel like I don’t know him as well but we’re developing that relationship

I just really like our tribe

*a little while later*

Malik is so sweet, I think he needs an emoji tutorial tho 😂 sometimes he’ll send an emoji and I’m a little perplexed why he chose that one but it’s all very endearing

So Kage and his Thera shit... SHADYYY. He said if they won the challenge they get themselves an advantage in the game but if they lose, the TRIBE gets a disadvantage in the immunity. He specified the tribe and the immunity thing. But didn't specify that winning the comp would give the TRIBE an advantage. But here we are. Birch's tribe got an advantage and we got a disadvantage. I. Call. Bullshit. I think Kage got an advantage in the game in exchange for a disadvantage and it just trying to keep it secret. I'm honestly gonna keep pushing this theory so other people wanna vote Kage later. I asked Kage questions about the challenge and... Me, A psychology major: "He's giving a LOT of details here. Liars tend to do that" Also me, a psychology major: "Okay but these details sound right. That's a lot to make up" There's been a few people that I feel like I haven't been able to strike good convos with yet I'd put my ranking like this Emma > Chris > Dennis > Andreas >>>>> Kage/Lukas/Matt > Sarah > Ricky. But that big gap feels like a disconnect. AND I haven't fully talked to Emma because she keeps getting distracted when I try to chat with her. I'm just banking on our connection before the game I do feel really good about Chris and Dennis and I think Andreas was trying to talk game with me today. So we'll see. It could be a decent group that gets formed. But I'm sure those 3 are being super social with everyone else so idk where that puts me Post Tribal Reaction: "Advantages were for the taking. Kage gave me way too much power over his tribe and the advantages so I snaked him" - Birch I'm trying to sus out what that's insinuating cause it SOUNDS like you could just take advantages. Smh at Kage

I already knew trent was like my dude but HE LOVES LES MIS TOO

Yesterday’s word of the day: hedgehog Today’s word of the day: morning morning morning

So this game started at a very inopportune time. I have an exam in 2 hours and another one tomorrow, so I haven't been super active in the tribe chat-- but after realizing that, I've decided to use it as a strategy. I'm not going to talk much in the tribe chat, but I'll have individual conversations with people. That way, it seems like I'm very invested in each individual relationship but am not super connected with the rest of the tribe, so people will hopefully see me as a trustworthy ally! I've connected really well with Olivia and we seem to be on the same page-- we're loyal to our ride-or-dies and hate drama. We called and I think this is an alliance to watch. I was also aligned with Jake in Crossroads, my most recent TS season, so I think he's going to be a built-in ally. Apart from them, Trent and Kurt seem cool and I won't be sad if anyone else gets voted out. Most of my conversations with other people have been very surface level, but I think that's fine since it's only day 2. On the other tribe, there's Sarah and Andreas-- in every game I've played with Sarah, we have never lied to each other once. She's been my closest ally out of every ORG I've played, so I know 100% that if we're able to link up we'll run the show. After Bangladesh, I got close with both Sarah and Andreas, so I'm feeling pretty confident about a swap. 

Okay hi, first time playing a TS in a year weeeeeee!! The only person I know on this tribe is Ned S. and we haven't talked in 2 and a half years so GREAT good tribe lineup for me. However he really wants to work with me and I do too so hopefully there's some leverage there. Tbh I haven't connected with anyone on this tribe yet, every convo is like pretty surface level so im like dsjnsfnfjsd i need people that I can turn up with. I wanna turn up w Nicklas and Sara but theyre on the other tribe so this is rigged and of course we lost first... i always lose first.... idek who to vote out cus no one is inactive this is so fun for me goodbye

We lost the challenge, and I’m sad about that. Then I’m told by Keegan that there’s talk of a group with me, Sharifa, Olivia, Keegan, and Trent. How do I feel about that? Good except for the fact I feel it confirms the suspicions of Trent and Olivia talking either, and the fact that Kurt and Jake aren’t involved. So me and Kurt said we’d tell each other everything that’s going on, so I feel I do need to tell him about this alliance, but I can’t have him asking people about it or people might know I told Kurt through Sharifa if she thinks I actually did that. So now I need to let him know, and I need to keep him safe. I’m glad to be in a group I just need to protect Kurt at all costs.

Well we lost the first challenge and boy does that suck. I was really hoping we could pull out a few wins at the start of the game and have no issues moving forward. But that didn't happen and now we have to go to tribal council. Yuck! Right off the bat after losing the challenge I went in and did something I've never done before and never been comfortable doing before. And that's building an alliance. I sat for a few moments (and that's really all it was) before I jumped right into some conversations. Those first few minutes consisted of OLIVIA, TRENT, SHARIFA and MALIK. And now we have the MCDONALDS GANG. It's currently only a group of five but that's most likely all we'll need. It should be easy enough for us to wrangle in one or two people to vote out whoever we want to get out. I'm so proud of myself for really jumping right in there and getting things done. OLIVIA was the biggest factor in that. We immediately decided on who we liked (SHARIFA and TRENT) and pulled in MALIK for being a great dude. I'm really trying my hardest to step outside my comfort zone and get shit done this time around. As of right now (only a few hours after the challenge) my first choice for a target would be NED, solely because he's been the least talkative to me out of everyone. But that doesn't mean he's an easy choice. Everyone on Ammonia tribe is so great. We've still got a full day to decide who we want to target and get out. If it's not NED, perhaps JAKE might be the next best option. However, now that I've got this group together, I'm not going to be too pushy. We'll decide things as a group moving forward until later on in the game. I don't want to overplay too hard and I don't really want to be seen as the ring leader of the group.

I’d like to pat myself on the back because I was about to make a joke about how Sophie had to pretend to be religious in her game and how hard that must’ve been but then I remembered Ned is religious and I managed to hold back!!! Not making bad jokes upgrade woo

Well, this game is already not what i expected. I wasn't expecting mixed tribes, i wasn't expecting so many old schoolers, and i wasn't expecting everybody to be so nice. So far i'm just trying to be super social with everyone. My biggest fault in Indonesia is that none of the jury felt like they truly knew me. So i'm trying to be more open and more personal. and so far i think it's working. At first i really didn't want to work with Sharifa. Just looking at her stats I can see how dangerous she is. But we've really bonded over the past few days and shes one of my closest friends in this game right now. Her and Olivia are the ones I trust the most. I could be a fool and falling right into her trap, but we will see. I know Sharifa will be a huge target if we all make it to merge together so she's good to keep around as a shield for right now, but eventually I'm not going to be able to work with her any longer, but I dont know when that day will be. I am now in an alliance with Sharifa, Olivia, Keega, and Malik. We all seem to be on the same page for the first vote. Ned and Cheatham have been a lot less active than the first so one of them will be the first boot. I hate that it's probably Cheatham because I really did want to work and play this game with him. But if he's not going to put forth an effort then theres no way I'm going to risk my neck saving him. I just have to find the right way to tell him it's him. because if he hears it from someone other than me he might have a messy exit. Just need to get through this first vote and then the 5 of us will have a majority and should be ok until a swap. I've also been added to a smaller alliance of Olivia and Ned. I haven't really had a chance to talk with Ned but Olivia says he's great and that we will get along great. And i trust Olivia's judgement. But at this point Ned is just an extra vote to use because I'm not going to risk my game to try to save a player I barely know.

I think this game is off to a great start! Our tribe won immunity which was great, it allows me more time to build stronger relationships within the tribe. Some key things I wanna note: Matt expresses about how he wants to work together and I was like ‘yeah sure’ but he also messaged Sarah a much more genuine message about how he trusts her and I think that’s SUS ... I trust him for now but who knows . Ricky wants to work with me this game ?? Idk if he’s lying but I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt and I will believe him because we do a good rapore so it makes sense to work with him. He continues to say I’m the the only one he 100% trusts at this moment and i want to believe he’s not buttering me up and he’s loyal. I’ve been having meaningful discussions with everyone else. Emma is on my radar because she doesn’t want to talk to me unless it game talk and normally that’s what she does when she doesn’t really want to work with me... honestly would prefer her to go first but she seems well connected based off prior connections so that’s that. I’m not telling anyone but Sarah about how I feel about Emma truly because I can’t have her sniffing me out ... and plus loose lips sink ships. I’ve also been lying to a lot of people in this game for the purpose of appearing more personable to them... LOL.... like Lukas asked me about my thoughts on normani’s new music video and switch games and I lied through my teeth and looked stuff up to have shit to talk about. I wanna form strong connections now so people feel allegiance to me later. Hopefully we can go to tribal soon so I can test these loyalties ... anyways that’s all for now xoxo

Tribal day and I’ve found myself stumbling into yet another alliance, this time with BIRCH and MALIK. We’re just waiting for MALIK to get online but it’s a pretty sure thing that this alliance is happening. That means MALIK and I are both in the two same alliances which covers 6 of the people in the game. Unfortunately that means JAKE, NED and KURT are (at least to my knowledge) not in any major alliances. It’s certainly possible they have something going on with other people so I’m not going to rule it out entirely. I know it’s super early in the game but I’m feeling like I’ve found a good solid footing.

Hi im on the villains tribe...shocker Andreas is my #1 and when ned and I get on a tribe i will get him to be my number #1 and i know jake will want to work with me and matt summers wants to be close too so im thinking im good I dont trust emma or anyone else 

 Dusty

okay, we have tribal tonight, YAY. I am feeling okay. right now it is between Cheatham and Ned. I might push for Ned to go because I really like Cheatham. How I am feeling towards the other people is as follows Olivia- just played with you, did you real dirty in that game, sorry. I want to ally with you in this game more. Keegan- I really like you! you're awesome, i feel very comfortable with you and are allied with. stan. Tea Sluts 4 Lyfe. Sharifa- Not going to lie, you scare the hell out of me. we are allied, ily. everyone else: you are really nice, not strong feelings towards anyone.

I really like Kurt I wish we had included him in the alliance :( I feel like he’d be so fun to call

It is WILLLLLLD to be back, had no idea what I was getting myself into. Coming into Heroes vs Villains 4 I had the entirely wrong perception that I would be on a tribe with all Villains. Twistos Twist, it’s mixed….but you could have told me I was on the heroes tribe because everyone is so fucking nice….DO I LOOK LIKE A HERO WHO CARES ABOUT YOUR LIFE ALKJSDF. I feel like Colton in Blood vs Water on the kumbya tribe. So here are my thoughts on the flower children of the Ammonia tribe. My one solace is Kurt. We played together before on Generations, and he was actually my number 1 before Jakey was. What happened you ask? Liana and Andrew decided Kurt’s head would look great around their necks, and I could either vote with them, or go to rocks. So to avoid a tie, I ended up voting him out...and honestly it's one of my FEW regrets I have from the game. And it’s weird because I won Generations, but I still wish I had gone to rocks for him. I’VE CERTAINLY GONE TO ROCKS FOR LESS IN CHALLENGERS VS CHAMPIONS FKLAJSDF. Needless to say, he’s my ride or die, and I hope he can put the past behind him because I’m loyal as fuck to my ride or dies, just ask L’Shei and Jakey <3. Trent is probably the second person I’m trying to talk game with. He’s a biggggg strategist, even if he wants to pretend that he’s not...your that girl I knew you were. It’s been a big strategy of mine to play a wolf in sheeps clothing. This time around I can’t, my record is intimidating and there’s no way around it. So the only way I feel I can be successful is by amassing an alliance of heavy hitters. The only problem with that, is gamers never stop gaming, and they are going to want me out at some point. So I’m working hard to invest with Trent, and to play with him, but I’m FULLY aware he wants me out. It’s WHEN he wants me out, that’s the real question. And can he benefit my game, before then??? Malik is so fucking nice, super geunine, I like him, BUT he’s playing with his dick. He has this whole showmance with Kurt and it’s like habibi...what is you doin. It’s good for my game because he’s loyal to my closest ally, but it’s also like...we’re playing a game, play it. I do think Malik is someone Kurt and I can rely on, and I really adore him. It would be nice to play with another queer poc. I just don’t know if he’s a big gamer if we’re going to be real. Birch is….SO HARD TO TALK TO. Literally today I told them I was nervous after the challenge, because my strategy didn’t work, their response? “I BET!” FLAKSDFKJASKJFASD BRUH. Despite the teeth I want to pull, trying to have a conversation with them, they are genuinely nice and I feel it’s worth investing in talking with them. The only thing I’m nervous about is their relationship to Trent. Trent talks about them as a number, so I wonder if Birch is in his back pocket, especially considering the lack of game they talk. Olivia is a RE-HEALLLLLY interesting one. She doesn’t talk much, has her own language, that I do not speak, yet the SECOND we lost the challenge, her and Keegan orchestrated this whole majority alliance. And despite her being voted out by Trent, at the final 4, they seem to be working together. I think she’s 1) a villain not a hero, and 2) playing a lot more than I initially suspected. I think she likes me, we have a “we’re the only two girls on the tribe” thing going. LISTEN I WILL USE ANYTHING I’M A VILLAIN FOR A REASON. And she was the one who I think brought me into this magical majority alliance, so I guess we have a good relationship??? Definitely keeping two eyes, and two ears on her, she’s a player. Keegan….all I know about him is I think he’s close with Olivia, and that he’s spearheaded the alliance. I barely spoke with him, but we sent music to each other so clearly I’m gaming harder than I thought FKLAJSDF. He’s a tough one to figure out, I don’t trust him, and I think he has more relationships than I initially surmised, but right now he feels good with me so let’s celebrate that.gif Ned is INCH-RESTING. Barely spoke until after the immunity, now we’re talking fairly consistently. The two names being brought up for the vote are Ned and Cheatham, but Ned is putting in work to save himself. Ned is transparent and straight the fuck up, which is so necessary to build trust. Meanwhile Trent’s over here holding his cards to his chest closer than a new born baby. I’m very interested in working with Ned down the road, he just needs to make it past this rough patch, which I’m doing everything I can to make sure he does. At first I was really turned off by Jake….HIS BIO VIDEO WAS SO FUNNY. “My last expierene was horrible, fuck tumblr survivor, BUT IM SO HAPPY TO BE BACK KISSES”. But I realized once you speak his language of “white gay” he opens up ALOT. He also has an amazing record, and that is a plus for me not a minus, it has to be considering how scary people think my record is. I’m interested to see how he’s a good player, because right now he’s been so quiet and on the chopping block. I’m keeping my options open with him, not saying I’m going to work with him, but not not saying I’m going to work with him. Finally Cheatham. He’s honestly the only person on the tribe that I don’t have a relationship with, and because of that, he’s my target. This time around I HAVE to play calmer, and as much as I want to flip things on this majority alliance consisting of Trent, Malik, Olivia, Keegan and myself, I need to use it to get past these first couple votes. What has me so paranoid, is it makes the MOST sense to take me out right now. I haven’t solidified connections, I have an intimidating record, the strategy didn’t win the challenge, and everyone finds me likable which should be a GIANT red flag. I would be who I would go after, so why aren’t they??? And then that makes me paranoid, but it would be a lot of effort to make this alliance just to make someone feel comfortable. So if the path of least resistance is sending Cheatham home, I have to fight every desire I have to cause chaos, and make sure that’s what happens, because strategically it’s the smartest thing to do. Anticipating this season having a lot of swaps, if Cheatham leaves then I have a solid relationship with everyone else going into a swap, and swaps are when I’m going to be the MOST vulnerable. That and the merge but let’s survive this vote before we even start THINKING of that. 

There’s always that major fear that like everyone is lying their ass off to you and it’s actually you but I pray that ain’t true