#i can handle like. the Autism Struggles of being outside bc like i got a good mental toolkit fr like. coping w Autism Hell Moments(tm)

[batz]

thank u for agoraphobia advice it seems the general consensus is sorta just. going outside . which isnt awesome but also totally understandable ig ! but. A

[effy-writes]

hiii um. I see that u area takin requests but uh WARNING this one deals with autism symptoms and specifically poor eating habits so if thats triggering or anything plz feel free to disregard completely. i yam struggling with some severe autistic burnout rn and its causing some texture issues with eating (everything is disgusting and i want to cry when i try to eat anything that isnt a dry pack of ramen LOL) and i am distraught about it, i was wondering if u could write a blitzø x autistic reader (one shot, fem or gender neutral) who is . Struggling w that?? also no need for an established relationship i yam a sucker for pining and would love to see blitzø’s emotionally constipated ass all worried abt his crush and noticing them making weird faces while trying very hard to eat something and is like. “R u about to throw up. WHY ARE U CRYING” n e way like i said fele fre to ignore if this ur not comfy writin this ily mwah

Ofc!! I have autism as well and i also have shit eating habits. I can’t even stomach chicken on the bone bc of the fat, tendons and the BONE. i hope you liked this!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Blitzø x GN! Autistic! Reader: Eat Something

content warning: feeling overstimulated, burnt out, details about food textures, details about textures

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Autism is something that you have to live with your whole life. Ever since you were little you especially struggled with texture issues. Whether it's velvet, cotton balls, leather, but you specifically struggled with food textures.

However when it comes to food textures some days were better than others. The days where you weren't so burnt out you could handle a handful amount of specific food, but on days like this where you're so overstimulated and burned out you can barely even drink water because of the lack of texture in it.

When it comes to working for I.M.P, you can put on a good mask so the others won't think you're a burden (you're not, it's just you have insecurities about being autistic). However on days like this where you have poor eating habits because of the autism it can be very hard to mask it.

Everyone at I.M.P went out to get lunch together, but you couldn't even bare to eat at cheap ass restaurants or fast food. So, you made up an excuse to not go with them. Millie asked why but all you told her was that you weren't in the mood for going out in public. Moxxie asked if you wanted them to bring you something back but you politely declined.

Blitz stayed in the office to "organize" the clients target's information. And by organizing just reading them and then tossing it to the other side of the office.

You took your safe food out of your bookbag and sat it in front of you. Dry noodles. You didn't want to boil them because of the slime texture that'll soon be in your mouth. It even made you gagged by thinking about it.

You opened the package and tore off a small piece before finally placing the dry, hard noodle in your mouth.

Your face scrunched up in disgust, you wanted to spit it out but you barely ate anything in the past couple of days. You swollowed and a cold shiver went through your body.

You wanted to stop but your stomach was saying otherwise. You took another bite and gagged, spitting it out.

“Fuck!” You yelled out of frustration, grabbing Blitz’s attention.

He peaked outside of his office and saw you picking at the hard noodles before chewing and swollowing it. He saw your face scrunched up again as your fist hit the table.

“Are you about to throw up?” He said nonchalantly.

You looked at him and dry swollowed the not-so-safe-food anymore. Blitz got out of his office and stood in front of you on the other side of the table.

“Need a trashcan or something?”

You looked down at the noodles and mentally cursed yourself. This was supposed to be your safe food but now you can hardly stomach it. Out of tiredness and frustration you silently sobbed over the dry noodles.

“WHY ARE YOU CRYING?!” He frantically said, not really knowing how autism works.

“Because this was supposed to be my safe food and I can hardly eat it because I’m so fucking burned out.” You sobbed.

“Oh.” He quietly said before sitting down across from you. “Is there anything I can do?”

You shrugged, “Not really.”

Blitz thought for a moment, “How about I dim the lights and you listen to your favorite music? Or, or how about your favorite show?” He really wanted to help you out.

“I guess so, but i’m so fucking hungry.”

“I know, but if we make this place underestimulated then maybe it’ll help? To be honest I don’t know how acousticism works.”

“Autism.” You bluntly said.

“Shit, right autism.”

You rolled your eyes as a small smile crept on your face. “Yeah, let’s do that.”

Blitz smiled and dimmed the lights, “You got them fancy headphones or something?”

You shook your head.

“I have cheap ones but they’re better than nothing.” He went back to his office and grabbed headphones that has those horse shaped ears on the headband and handed them to you. “Do you want music?”

“Just silence.”

“Is there anything else?”

“No. Thank you, Blitz.”

“Let me know if you need anything else, I need to go back and organize the papers and shit.”

“Oh, yeah for sure, go for it.”

The next hour or so you helped Blitz organize the papers by the area of which targets live at. The silence, the dim lighting, and the organizing papers by location reset yourself. After telling Blitz this, he happily boiled the noodles for you to eat. You were grateful for him, and he was happy to help his crush out.

[cringelordofchaos]

random craig tucker headcanons

has level 1 low support needs autism

gay (not a hc bt whaever.)

special interest is star trek and space in general

watching red racer every day is a routine he mustn't under almost any imaginable circumstance break

got some peruvian ancestry (from which parent's side? heck if i know) + knows a bittt of spanish

his family mostly goes without saying a word to each other during meals

when hes waiting outside the counselor's office for flipping off someone again he sits and either thinks about space or looks at images of stripe on his phone to ease any tension that migth be there

barely ever smiles except when stripe, space or tweek exist

closer to thomas than to laura

his parents taught him everythin ghe knows <33 (emotional constipation and invlulnerability but breaking the ice every one in a while)

sometimes just randomly infodumps about random facts about star strek or space or guinea pigs at the most random of times (actually canon as briefly shown in TFBW)

likes to learn / memorize random facts abt red racer, space, star trek or guinea pigs

random fact i almost mispelled guinea pigs every single time wtmf is wrong with me

for birthdays he mostly gets space-themed stuff cuz everyone knows he loves it

if hes overwhelmed, instead of having a meltdown he'll usually have a shutdown instead

sometimes rants to stripe abt stuff like relationship drama w tweek lmao

he actually liked the clothes he wore during the metrosexual fad, (evident by keeping them in his closet as shown in TFBW)

most emotion he shows is anger/being pissed off

"sooooooo happy" is actually a stim of his and it feels satisfying for him to say it every time hes sooo happy

even when hes sooo happy the most emotion he'll show is a faint smile

doesn't really smile in any pictures unless hes forced to

flipping people off for him is kinda like pushing people away and making them pissed off at him so he wouldnt need to care abt what they think of him and that way he sorta protects himself (mostly saying this bc of one of his attacks in tfbw)(i swear im sane)

hes sometimes overwhelmed from his relationship w tweek but he fucking sucks at communicating (his kryptonite in TFBW is literally communication) he didnt communicate that to tweek just yet (this is mostly shown in buddha box)(NOT SAYING CRAIG DOESNT CARE ABOUT TWEEK HE LOVES HIM HES JUST OVERWHELMED SOMETIMES FROM FEELING LIKE HES COMPLETELY RESPONIBLE FOR HIM ANDN OIEAHDKKSH leave him alone) i like to imagine tweek and craig resolve this at one point cuz im pretty sure they get married in the future and they always push through their struggles together and they rly need each other so .

u can point to a star n hell name it

has space themed pajamas

(StOLEN HC IdK FroM whO) has those glow in the dark stars in his room

i googled it sometime ago n apparently he has blue eyes ? idrc

his childhood dream was to become an astronaut (I FORGOT HOW TO SPELL IT I LITERALLY HAD TO GOOGLE IT I HATE MYSELF) but when he grew up he probably settled for something less extreme. idk what though

either got diagnosed w autism at age 10, in his teens, in his young adult years, or far afterwards, or never at all. when he was told by someone that he migth be autistic he didnt rly even bother to look it up or anything but if he did he would go like "idk i dont really think im autistic i dont think i do (x symtom) all that much" and tweeks like "You do that literally all the time !!!!". but yeah even if he gets diagnosed he doesnt rly end up taking any medication or specializzed therapy but he does gain a larger understanding of himself and how to handle things like shutdowns.)

really picky eater (cuz sensory issues)

hates wearing jeans or similiar uncomfy clothing so he wears exclusively sweatpants (again cuz of sensory issues)

his whole family is autistic actually ive decided so when mr mackey brings up the possibility of him being autistic laura and thomas deny it cuz all the symptoms he shows are what they do as well, andthyere obviously not autistic so neither can craig be.

sometimes he goes over to tweeks house completely unannounced and so does tweek (actuallycanon as shown in put it down)

0verwhelmed by the concept of emotions in general but his relationship w tweek forces him to confront that part of him he tries to avoid and forces him to open up a bit which is actually rly important

since tweek is on meth, he heavily lacks appetite and sometimes skips meals or just doesnt take care of himself enough. craig learns abt this (not the meth part cuz tweek doesnt know that eithrer) so he helps him eat enough food throughout the day so he doesnt fucken starve to death

replies to tweeks texts instantly (actually canon)

tolkiens best friend (canon according to the official south park wiki). clydes a closee second

clyde annoys the fuck out of him but in a friend teasing way and they both care abt each other obvu

i actually dont rly have hcs for him n tolkien sryyyy

jimmy makes the best remarks abt creek (canon)(in put it down he asks craig (when craig doesnt know why tweek isnt in school) "uh oh. trouble in paradise?" and in TFBW during a battle tweek tells craig smth like "ill be right with you super craig!" and jimmy says "OK, i guess illbe the third wheel." anyway live laugh jimmy)

extremely blunt pessimist (canon)

despite his reputation as a troublemaker hes actually a decently polite kid (minus the constant flipping off)

barely goes out the house or does anything exciting. nice n boring. just the way he likes it.

hates changes or sudden surprises or his routine being broken

on the verge of being diagnosed w oppositional defiance disorder

sometimes wears black nail polish (again cuz in tfbw its kinda implied he liked the metrosexual fad n black nail polish migth be a more neutral form of such self expression)(mostly self projecting here)

tumblr user

during one pride month thomas went all out and bought craig a shitton of pride themed merch that he mostly doesnt use

he loves loves lovess seeing tweeks smile !!!1!! hes like omfg finally hes getting a fucking break (tweeks life is a fucking mess)

appears unphased by some stuff even when hes really uncomfortab;le

sometimes sleeps without pillow ehn he deems it more comfortable

deals w some form of small anxiety, not to a disordered amount thogh

maybee has depression ?!? idk

dated a girl in the past cuz he thought he was supposed to, but he felt like "she was holding him back". overall he didnt give a fuck abt their breakup cuz he didnt really care that much abt the relationship and when others questioned him abt it he was confused and didnt know most ppl were heartbroken after a breakup. (sorry i love early craig being a gay mess in denial)

sometimes cartman calls him a pocoyo rip off and each time he feels the strongest urge to either decapitate or defenestrate him

before he n tweek got together he would joke to tolkien abt how he was gonna propose to him when they grew up so he could live off his wealth and not have to work for any money. (SORRY i got this concept from a webcomic (the four of them))

he n tweek send heart emojis to each other (implied)

mostlyyy dry texter (he doesnt mean to)

at one point he n tweek buy a pair of guinea pigs for stripe to befriend and craig names them castor and pollux

he n tweek get married in the future

mostly likes dry, tasteless and cold food (There r obviously exceptions thats why i said mostly)

says and intreprerts things more literally than most

still sarcastic at times

hates huge social events with too many people and noiises

used to blend in well and fit in w mob mentality but doesnt really care anymore

it wont let me write anymo

[littlemoondarling]

i don't know your characters yet, but i want to, sooo... 9, 12, 26, 30, 35, 42, 48, 50 and 57 for both ezra and theodore! hopefully it's not too much... 😅

Awww ty so much!! No ask is too much so never worry ab it! I'll answer under the read more bc I talk alot~

Starting off with dear ol Ezra Woodburn because he's a bit more down to earth than Teddy

[9] What is their love language?

His love language is physical affection, if he initiates it with you then you are sure to be his favourite person in the whole world because he despises being touched. That was how his husband discovered that "oh shit there may be something more than friendship here" when Ezra randomly cuddled next to him while watching movies on the couch.

[12] How high is their self-esteem?

Ezra's self esteem is so low it migot as well be in the center of earth XD

He was never able to accept anything about himself and always felt like a mistake that shouldn't have been born, but still, he makes it to over 50.

[26] Do they have any physical or mental ilness, how do they handle it and how open they are about it?

He has both, he has chronic joint pain and fatigue that he has been struggling with since childhood, he also suffers from terrible social anxiety, depression and autism but he never got diagnosed because he refuses to go to a psychiatrist. His family is a very conservative "pull yourself by your bootstraps" kinda family so he was raised to feel immense shame at his disabilities and so he is only open about them with his husband, but it isn't too difficult for people around him to guess given his behaviour.

[30] What are their most healthy and most unhealthy coping mechanisms?

The healthiest is definitely writing and spending quality time with his husband and cat, the unhealthy is sh and smoking :|

[35] Do they like their own appearance, and what do they do, if anything, to alter it in any way?

He really really doesn't, if he is given the chance to look like anyone else he would take it in a heartbeat. He got both top and bottom surgery to ease the dysphoria of being born in the wrong body and he has thought about going to the gym to lose some weight but his pain immediately flares up, but he is getting slightly better at accepting himself given how many kisses his husband gives the areas he considers flawed.

[42] What is their idea of a perfect friendly hangout and/or romantic date?

Going out to the library or a picnic in nature, maybe even a trip to the shelter so he can pet all the animals and coo at them and beg you for seven more cats, three birds, a turtle and a snake.

[48] Are they, or were they at some point in their life, a part of any subculture?

He experimented with the leather goth subculture in his 20s but he immediately discovered that he doesn't have the energy to melt in the summer, so for now it is only a winter and bedroom subculture XD

[50] What are they really good and really bad at?

He's good at cooking, writing, organizing, cleaning and giving orders, he sucks at teamwork, asking for help, singing and knowing when to take a break (and socializing, my man has 0 friends outside of the ones his husband introduced him to)

[57] What was the most stupid or dangerous thing they have ever done?

The most stupidly dangerous thing was to let a stranger that ten years before was his bully at summer camp into his home because he (The bully) had all his money stolen and had nowhere to stay, it ended well for him tho.

The most dangerous thing is probably having 7 attempts at his own life before he turned 25. He eventually met a guy in the psych ward who was fostering a mother cat and her kittens and that is how he got his little angel cat Pumpkin (the guy at the psych ward was Theodore)

Now for Theodore Malik!

[9] What is their love language?

Giving gifts and acts of survice, he will cook for you and make you the best outfits you've ever seen all for the small price of tolerating his existence and listening to him ramble about Batman for way waaaay too long. On the more extreme end he will kill for the people he cares about ♡

[12] How high is their self-esteem?

It fluctuates between I am a gift from god blessing you with my mere existence to I am the worst thing to ever happen to this planet and if i don't stop existing right now the whole world will explode.

[26] Do they have any physical or mental ilness, how do they handle it and how open they are about it?

He is immortal and has otherworldly physical strength and immunity but you will find him with very sever injuries more times than not, mentally he has a little cocktail that consists of depression, general anxiety, bipolar, ptsd and some psychotic hallucinations. He is very open about everything and you WILL know when he is upset because nothing on God's green earth will stop this man from complaining.

[30] What are their most healthy and most unhealthy coping mechanisms?

The healthy ones are cooking, embroidery and chatting with his friends, the unhealthy ones are smoking, drinking, driving off of cliffs and other destructive actions

[35] Do they like their own appearance, and what do they do, if anything, to alter it in any way?

He is obsessed with his appearance, narcissus levels of self love, all except his eyes, they are blue like his mother but he would very much prefer if he had inherited the warm brown of his father's.

[42] What is their idea of a perfect friendly hangout and/or romantic date?

Theodore's perfect date would be going to the club, getting wasted and forgetting about everything the next day, but if you're not a fan of that he would settle to going to a convention with you.

[48] Are they, or were they at some point in their life, a part of any subculture?

Punk goth, from the 60s till now, before that he just dressed in frilly dressed with floral patterns

[50] What are they really good and really bad at?

He is good at listening, taking care of people, cooking, making and fixing clothes, making friends, and making enemies, he's terrible and mainting a healthy long term relationship, taking care of himself, cleaning, and making good life decisions

[57] What was the most stupid or dangerous thing they have ever done?

Every choice he has ever done is stupid and dangerous, the honorable mentions being running away from home at 16 to go live with the man who stalked him, didn't end well at all. Attempting to kill his ex's abusive ex but he is the most powerful vampire so the only damage Theodore managed to do was burning half of that man's face (and getting himself on a hitlist) and having a thing for mafia bosses which isn't that good when you date two people from opposing sides at the same time :)

[queerautism]

Askgame; I've got autism, agoraphobia, depression, anxiety, and ADHD which is the worst one as it puts my working memory down to a single digit percentile compared to others my age. I can not bring myself to go outside unless its for my therapist, Ive been putting off seeing my psych cause he wants the next app to be in-person. But bc nothing's physically stopping me from doing things I feel like Im exaggerating even tho docs around me have recommended I seek Disability bc Im unable to handle it

Yeah, this is being disabled stuff, buddy. Agoraphobia is another really intense mental disability a lot of people misunderstand or dismiss. Your struggle is real, it counts, and you are not exaggerating.

[annoyedlord]

I’m actually really interested in disability in france, as someone who had studied french for 6 years and is disabled. I know little to nothing about how disability is handled outside of the US. Logically I know everything will still be driven by capitalist society but still. I don’t know what exactly i’m asking of you. Just like… what’s your experience been like??

Good part: In some case, you have Social Healthcare who can cover half or more of your medical fees if you have a specific requirement called "ALD" (attestation longue durée = long term medical certificate). But you have to renew it every 5 years or so. You can have financial help too! In my city, most of the buses and subways stations are adapted with ramps & elevators!

Now uh........

Job related, there's something who's put in place so societies HAVE to get a certain amount of disabled workers, it's the law. However, it's not rare that they drive them to the point where they wanna leave. Now this is only my experience with that law but:

If during an interview you say you're disabled, they won't take you. If during an interview you don't say you're disabled, you're gonna suffer from it bc you cannot get the accommodations you need. If you say it only after being hired, you're gonna get yelled at for hiding it and they're gonna do their best to make you wanna leave.

There is little to no places to sit in towns. I live in one of the biggest cities of France, but I struggle so bad to find a single place to sit and rest. There is almost no bench, or they have weird alternative that aren't disabled/homeless friendly (like, we have weird domes of polished concret? That shit is cold af during winter and hot af during summer. it's not completely flat so you cannot properly sit. There is no back support. it sucks.) If you wanna sit somewhere, you gotta order a drink and it can get really pricy just to rest :/

Most of the places, may it be a shop, a medical place or other, aren't adapted for wheelchair users. They have to ring a little bell so someone comes and put a ramp for them, and said ramp is most of a time something the place had to kind put together so it'll do the trick.

Access to diagnostic is super complicated. If you're lucky you might have a good doctor who will listen and help but eh... It's often super pricy too (for autism and/or ADHD, it can go over 400€) and social healthcare does not cover that. Even with the ALD. Most of doctors will be very iffy about giving you a diagnostic.

While you can have financial help monthly, it first take A LONG TIME to be accepted or declined (mine took more than a year) AND you cannot change your legal statut to "in a relationship", get married or pacsed (it's a contractual form of civil union between two adults for organizing their joint life), because you will lose your financial help because they consider that if someone date/marry/pacse you, it's because they can financially support you. A lot of disabled people cannot leave abusive relationship because of that. We often go roommates with our partners to keep our financial helps. Recently we tried to get the government to change that law, but they said "No." and shoved it under the rug... Speaking of that financial help, you often need to have someone in the medical or psychological field to help you to fill it so it gets more impacts and you have more chance to get it accepted. (I got refused twice because I was "not disabled enough" and this shit is traumatic to get when you have days where you cannot move because of pain haha lol. Now I have it but only because my therapist stepped in and co-wrote the letter to ask for it. Thanks Jerome.)

It's ah. meh-ok-tier, i'd say

[m-feys]

he returned so its time for more neurodivergent gaang !!

Zuko

adhd/autistic? yes.

[ID: a screenshot of Mai and Zuko standing next to each other. Zuko is wearing his royal Fire Nation robes with his hair down and bangs hanging in his face, while Mai wears her usual outfit. Zuko looks perturbed as he furrows his brow, frowning down at something, and beside him Mai looks unhappy with her mouth open and down-turned as she says something. End ID.]

- impulsive: yes. we all know it, we all watched the same show. so zuko is the kind of person whos really reserved about shit but as soon as smth crosses his mind he cant let it go, he spent like months being completely broke so he refuses to buy himself anything or accept other ppl buying him stuff until he gets some impulse and then hes buying eighteen boxes of his fav snacks all at once. he also really struggles with volume control and end up yelling way more than he means to. this makes people see him as kinda intimidating but he really doesnt mean to be.

- moral code, he has a really strong moral code but he also internalized everything he’s taught very literally when he was young, so like when he was a kid and the adults around him had these morals and rules they give to kids, just stuff like ‘cuss words are bad’ he took it SO seriously, and always felt betrayed if any of the adults around him broke those rules because they said that’s bad!!!! as he gets older he absolutely get to a point of being like, “fuck it” about everything but for a long as time he was literally the biggest goody two shoes, rule follower nerd. he really starts saying fuck it once he realizes the adults around him don’t know shit and that so much of the stuff they said mattered actually doesnt at all and he’s really really angry just in all directions about all of this

- mood swings, his trauma along with his adhd/autism means he really really struggles with regulating his moods, and often flies off the handle when hes angry, and then he feels really guilty about flying off the handle and gets SUPER depressed about it. he tends to struggle the most with those, his guilt and anger. But he also does have mood swings up, and gets weirdly happy sometimes and can’t stop laughing/smiling, which always confuses him and often times the crash back into depression can really hurt him with those

- memory, his memory is so shit <3, he cannot remember your name, sorry. what was that thing he learned in school yesterday? when was that appointment again? he really really struggles with schedules and outside help really benefits him in this area even tho he’s like hellbent on doing everything on his own, similarly to toph he has issues with relying on ppl so it takes a while for him to accept help with stuff. but when he does hes like, wow holy shit this is so much better.

- interacting w/ ppl, he scripts!!! practices so many of his conversations beforehand bc he really struggles with catching social cues in the moment so he has to think it thru in preparation, ESPECIALLY for ppl he doesnt know!!! if he hasnt got the chance to script it is really really easy for him to come off as rude bc hes very impulsive and brusque with his words. but its like, if he knows the rules he can play by them, so he he’s much better in v formal situations vs casual ones, because he knows how to be like stiffly polite but as soon as ppl want him to just like.... chat he’s at a loss.

as a bonus im including mai in zuko’s post bc i love her <3

Mai

adhd/autism 💜

- expression, got really really shut down as a kid so she really struggled with being open around ppl, and she keeps to herself as much as she can bc she finds that way way easier than trying to parse the fucking impossible interactions with everyone around her.

- stims!!!!!! she stims with objects most of the time (typically her knives) spinning them on her finger, fiddling with them, tossing them. dont worry, she’s very good at first aid. She doesn’t fidget around ppl much because her mother really hated that and so she mostly stims out of sight, but she taps her foot/bounces her leg when she’s feeling more relaxed and carefully and quietly stims more with her hands if she feels like she needs her guard up.

- special interests, throwing knives!!! she also likes caring for hair, taking care of her own and other ppls (like ty lee’s 💕)

- sensations, she likes being outside, despite claims of hating the world she doesn’t like being cooped up and enjoys running around in the woods way more than spending all day inside. the main problem is she really hates being dirty and not immediately being able to clean herself, the feeling of dirt/residue on her skin really irritates her and sets her on edge. which is why she sometimes avoids going out despite enjoying it a lot. She also doesnt like bright colors bc they tend to overstimulate her, so she always goes for muted/dark tones, also she just likes them and thinks they’re stylish. she has a lot of opinions about aesthetics but she’s used to keeping them to herself, but with ty lee and zuko she’s a lot more likely to voice her opinion

[ID: a cropped screenshot of Zuko, he’s holding up the Sun Warrior egg in his hands and looking at the veiwer with a perturbed expression, a small frown on his face. The text on the image says, “This post made by ADHD Zuko gang.” End ID.]

badge by @meteor-sword​

rest of the gaang: Sokka & Katara, Aang, and Toph

i dont have a post for suki written already so idk when ill do her but i do have a few thoughts !

[autisticstarseed]

👐 Hand washing guide when you have sensory issues 👐

tbh. we shouldve been talking abt this a long time ago for many disabled ppls sake but ive put this post off for like a million years out of pure solidified fear of ableist harassment/kneejerk ignorance and also generalized cringe idiots but now that we got so much covid-19 fear and autistic ppl actually tend to have weaker immune systems than most people lets jump the shark;;;

i have autism and i physically struggle with washing my hands as often as i want to, having wet hands, drying them, the temperature difference, bad soap smells/textures, etc. are all genuinely painful. the good news is that ive dealt with water aversion shit since birth (its a common sensory issue), so ive had time to figure out alternatives and coping skills that still help reduce risk of disease and spreading it in ways that i can personally manage. (ie. not lazy or selfish or gross. genuinely putting more effort into this every day task than most other people would even think about. just disability lads) so heres the guide i have to offer if you’re in a similar boat, with some keypoints about hand hygiene and tips addressing the most common sensory struggles ive noticed with it;;;

1. hand sanitizer

i love hand sanitizer, i can get it in almost any scent i want and it dries down very very fast. the problem is; hand washing and hand sanitizer do different things. it only kills certain types of germs. which is all fine and dandy, but because of this, using only hand sanitizer wont actually keep you from catching or spreading many illnesses. so what its good for is times you cant wash your hands (out in public, sensory overload, no spoons, etc), thats fine, but it should not replace all hand washing if at all possible. it is supposedly effective to covid-19, but so little is currently known that it should not be considered your go to for this, and the only unanimous statement straight from the CDC is that hand washing works best at preventing its spread.

temperature - if you have trouble with it being too cold, conveniently keeping it in your pocket or closely against your body in some way warms it up and makes it much more comfortable. 

scent - they come in almost any scent you can imagine, but if you have trouble with strong scents, there are ‘scentless hand sanitizers’. they usually have a faint chemical smell, so if there are any testers available, you should check to make sure it can work for you before you buy it.

texture - if gel doesnt cut it, they also make foamy hand sanitizers and liquid sprays, but theyre harder to find and might be a little more pricey.

and remember; always buy hand sanitizer that says it contains AT LEAST 60% alcohol, the higher alcohol content the better, but try to keep track of how high it is and how much you apply it so you dont dry your skin out. and right now price gouging is pretty bad, so dont be surprised if you cant find any for a while, and dont buy any small bottle that costs over a couple dollars, its a rip off.

2. hand washing 

so what does hand washing do thats better than sanitizer??? soap and water lift up the dirt and oils that are carrying the germs and actually wash them off, and not only that, it also gets rid of all the things sanitizer cant, such as dust/dirt, spores, chemicals, and the previously mentioned viruses that are harder to kill. ik to an outside perspective it might not seem that hard, but obviously when you have autism and these tasks are split down into bigger ordeals and sensory nightmares, it can feel impossible. 

soap - there are so many different kinds of soap! scentless soaps exist, and they very rarely have any lingering chemical smell! theres also soap for sensitive skin, and baby soap also works well for that issue. bar soaps can come in all different shapes and sizes, with many different ingredients and additives to choose from (independent soap makers are an amazing source for customized soap btw), and liquid soaps can be pure gel, frothy, mousse-y or even have tiny exfoliating or moisturizing beads in them if thats a sensory experience you enjoy. this is my number one rec for people struggling with hand washing bc of sensory issues;;; mix up the soap. finding one that gives you an okay or even a GOOD sensory experience can completely turn around an otherwise meltdown inducing task

temperature - this is the one thats always been hardest for me. cold water straight up hurts me, and our plumbing is Terrible, so the trick i have for slow pipes is to run the hot water on high as Soon as i get into the bathroom. leave it going and by the time you’re done there should be at least lukewarm water. if this still takes too long for you, try out the various sinks in your house, usually one is able to get hot water faster than the rest (for me its the kitchen sink) and that can become a designated station for you if need be.

texture - some ppl just hate water. if thats the case, it rly doesnt change much abt the process if you use less water, ie work the soap into a lather, and then only use as much as you need to rinse it off. you dont have to keep your hands under the whole time, the soap clings to the dirt, the water takes it off all together, as long as you scrub well and rinse till you see no suds, you’re good 

If it really comes down to it, a washcloth with water+soap, a disinfecting wipe, or even literally just a rinse with plain ol water is better than nothing, but the stream of water and act of rubbing the soap in is the most effective combo against disease. soap/disinfectant wipes and hand sanitizers are your second best option. if theres a time in your life where an issue is so disabling for you that you truly cant keep any of this up, rly the most important thing is to limit your direct physical contact with your face and commonly used objects as MUCH as possible until you can figure smth out. (you kno those old ladies that grab a wipe and open the doorknob with it between their hand and the knob? become that old lady) and if push comes to shove, if a safe and accepting therapy setting is something accessible to you, hygiene struggles are actually something many mental health professionals understand Very well and can help you cope with personally and directly, without shame.

3. hand drying

this is also. my personal hell. and what most people say is the hardest part of the sensory experience. but ya cant just walk around with wet hands right

towels - the obvious choice for most, but to me they actually dont dry enough. i always end up damp and with lint stuck to me. this kills the man. but hand towels do have some variety to them, you can find em with really long fibers or really short/flat, really fuzzy or really stiff, etc. sounds silly but its smth a lot of ppl dont think about that can change a lot. you can also try super absorbent towels (yes like a shamwow), and again baby bath towels are also an option if you want something gentle.

paper towels - yeah a little more wasteful and expensive, but imo much more absorbent. theyre also pretty thin so you can get between your fingers (MY BANE), and under your nails if you use a corner. 10/10

blow drying - ik this is the kind of shit you only see in like movie theaters and malls and they are definitely LOUD AS SHIT, but if you happen to have the money, and struggle more with Textures than Noise, ie a stream of warm air seems worth the sound, you Can actually find a small basic one of these items for your own home. 

4. public restrooms

everybody hates em!!! but you can make em more tolerable;;;

soap - bring your own! little travel soaps you can keep in your bag are a godsend for ppl with sensory issues, sensitive skin/allergies, and if you just prefer not sharing soap.

temperature - most public places i notice actually do get hot water pretty fast (like,,, too fast,,, like,,, it bur ns me) so if there are no faucets and its too hot or too cold, once again you can try different sinks and one might be more comfortable. if there are faucets i recommend grabbing a paper towel to turn it off, so you dont have to touch it again with your clean hands.

sound - WHY R AUTOMTIC FLUSH TOILETS SO FUCKEN LOUDD..... honestly if you have noise cancelling earmuffs or earplugs or w/e pop em in. if you dont have any of that i just literally plug my ears with my fingers when i stand up. if you struggle with the sound of the blow dryers, they almost always have paper towels as well, but its a great idea to carry something like that around in your bag with you just in case. if its really packed and people chattering is getting to you, sometimes the ‘family’ bathrooms are actually smaller and less full. if its bad enough and you feel comfortable asking, an employee might be able to direct you to a single stall bathroom or at least a different one than that.

and though its convenient, try not to use your sleeve to touch things like doorknobs, toilet handles, etc. instead use something disposable like a paper towel or wipe, bc the germs will simply transfer to your sleeve and still risk infecting you. 

5. schedule

the number one suggestion is to wash your hands literally as often as possible during a time like this but like. even for allistic/nt/abled/ ppl thats just not always an attainable schedule so the Best times to wash your hands are;;;

after using the bathroom - the most important time and generally the easiest to get used to. its smth you have to do multiple times a day that already has a schedule, and if you were to forget or go into sensory overload its usually immediately accessible as soon as you can. as i mentioned earlier, if you need help remembering, you can turn the water on when you first get in and leave it going.

the doctors - ANY KIND of health facility should be avoided right now unless really necessary, places where sick people would frequent is the quickest way to get sick but like. ya rly cant help it sometimes right. you cant stop dealing with your own illnesses just bc theres another one floating around. so, this is time to go apeshit on the handwashing. if your health issue involves coughing and sneezing, ask for a face mask. bring a scarf in case they dont have any, its not as great but better than nothing. otherwise, you honestly dont need it, face masks are more for these people bc they keep germs in better than out. whether you’re worried abt getting sick or infecting others, this is a time to use hand sanitizer, avoid physical contact like shaking hands [autistic cheering], and when you first arrive and right before you go to leave are the most important times to remember to wash your hands. 

preparing food - not as commonly spoken about, but also easy to work into a schedule. i personally dont care unless its food for somebody else or if im going to be putting my hands on it a lot, but if thats the case, a lot of the time thats produce you already want to wash in the sink, so you can kill two birds with one stone there. dont just get the germs off your own hands, get em off the fruits and veggies before you eat em. carpool

after grocery shopping - not very common. most ppl just slap some sanitizer/a wipe on there or dont think abt it at all, but if you just got home from walmart thats a great time to wash. you just touched a bunch of items other people touched, including the cart, money/credit cards, and all the products people will pick up and put back, so its prime germ time babey. But again, sanitizer or a wipe will help if its all you can manage after a trip out like that.

before self care - also uncommon. ppl always say ‘dont touch your face’ and ‘apply this product with clean hands’, and what they mean is that one of the fastest ways germs get into your system is through your mouth, nose, eyes and ears. if you’re simply washing your face theres not as much concern, but applying a mask, moisturizer, makeup, etc. should all be done after a gentle rinse of your hands (and face). very hard to get into the schedule of, but if you consider it a Part of your ‘self care’ or use a special fun cleanser, it can stick a little easier.

6. stim items

STIM ITEMS!! if you have stim items, its a good idea to clean them regularly, but even moreso during an outbreak like this.

rubber/plastic - if it goes in your mouth, hot water (not hot enough to melt!) and dish soap, if it doesnt, look up how to safely make a diluted bleach solution.

silicone - silicone is usually dish washer safe.

fabric - if its light, add bleach to the washing machine, if its colored, you can use white vinegar or hydrogen peroxide which are less likely to discolor any dyes. lysol detergent is also super great. small items you’re worried about losing, or items with details/loose parts, you can usually wash inside of a sealed pillow case. 

‘squishies’ - for ‘mochi’ squishies aka the rubbery ones, soap and water + some dusted baby powder or corn starch (optional) to keep it from grabbing lint for a while. for foam squishies, they can rarely be deep cleaned without the risk of growing mold or taking paint off, but a disinfecting wipe every now and then should keep it clean for a while.

slime - cant be disinfected, sorry. also a breeding ground for mold if you arent careful, so its always best to cycle through these quickly.

technology - cant really be completely sterilized, but there are many places to get sprays and cleaning wipes for the devices you use that can at least keep the areas your hands frequently touch a little cleaner.

BUT of course if your item comes with instructions on how to wash it, always follow that instead. this is just a general idea.

and as a final note;;; disabled ppl should not feel guilty or dirty for struggling with this. like. man idc abt ur cringe feels or your ignorant blame or your lack of understanding/sympathy for what goes into these tasks for us. if u dont wanna get our struggles and sensitivities when we’re working twice as hard on functioning tasks which personal ease you take for granted, thats on you. @ disabled people if you struggle with maintaining the same standard of hygiene as nts you arent gross or bad fucking person, you’re disabled and by definition that means your level of functioning will be different, and you deserve sympathy. its just that germs dont discriminate, they wanna cause problems for everybody involved (especially you!!!), so Anything you can manage is Great and if anything from this post can help make it a little easier for people in any way, i feel its absolutely necessary to talk about with respect and dignity. people with autism/adhd/sensory processing disorder/similar neurodivergencies/literally anybody else this could benefit, pls feel free to add on any tips you might have or send me questions. let disabled ppl help disabled ppl do our personal bests

[dxmagedrose]

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Tagged by: my lover @hammurabicomplex​ I’m tagging: anyone and everyone who wants to pick this one up! share with the class if you feel like it! tag me in it!!

PRESENTING. RANDOM DEEP DIVE WITH INDIGO-MUN AT 2AM ;

FIRST NAME Good fucking question… It’s (sort-of) currently Dylann! I was Kieran before that, though; it’s still used as one of my first names and I’m not used to Dylann quite yet bc I’ve just started using it. 

Indigo is one of my middle names though, and I’ve used it as an online handle elsewhere forever so I use it here now!  [ Fun etymology facts: Dylan(n) is a mythology name generally meaning “born of the wave” (aspiring diver & a water witch at heart). Kieran means “little dark one” bc of my love for horror, && I chose Indigo bc as a kid to be it was neither boy (blue) or purple (girl) and was both and neither as well as my absolute favorite color as this vibrant ass mystical color. ]

STRANGE FACT ABOUT YOURSELF hmmmmm…. I’m a horror lover at heart, so as a child (I wanna say 12), I was walking through an antique store (I have a few cool finds, I considered putting my other one as the fact tbh) and I turned the corner and I saw these two dolls staring back at me at the foot of the stairs of this antique building. my blood froze, and i felt my stomach drop. i got actual, physical goosebumps stumbling across these two creepy dolls staring back at me in the corner, and i couldn’t leave the store without them. perhaps the little painted porcelain boy would be somewhat spooky by himself if it wasn’t for the terrifying lidded gaze of the porcelain girl with the hairline fractures and slightly open lips. i cant look at her. i dont really find dolls scary, I like to find the spookier ones ones, and she makes me paranoid as hell. i keep her face covered and her up in my closet except for when i bring her out to show her off proudly as the spookiest thing I have but……. i dont really collect dolls anymore.  even thinking about her brings a fearful tear to my eye.  i don’t like to think about her for very long, but that’s why I’m so fucking proud to own her. ( YES — I’m THAT white person in the horror film )

TOP THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU FIND ATTRACTIVE ON A PERSON hhhhh a beardy jawline, high cheekbones, crooked canine teeth >:3c

A FOOD YOU COULD EAT FOREVER AND NOT GET BORED OF b.l.t.’s with avocado. ahhhh. my mouth is watering just thinking about it, oh my god. just a bit of salt and pepper???

A FOOD YOU HATE barbecue anything, i hate the taste of bbq sauce, you keep your nasty black goo to yourselves at the grill. twice in my life i have presented with barbecue pizza and both times i cried literal tears. why would you do such a horrible thing to a person? what kind of a monster are you? how do you sleep at night?!

GUILTY PLEASURE the sims. constantly. always. i’ve sunk thousands of hours into my households. oh also uhhhhhh i run two 80s horror blogs, one being a shitpost blog with occasional art of mine and one gremlin fanfic ship blog for horrible, terrible self indulgent fanfics i’ll get the courage to finish writing & post so i can be cancelled on tumblr for at some point. NO, i won’t link them. as i pretend they’re even all that hard to find, within a day i was found on both by someone i admire here a lot :’) ilu bby thnk u eternally for supporting ur local horrifying dumbass wtf

WHAT DO YOU SLEEP IN the same clothes i’ve been wearing all day usually, my sweats & long sleeve raglans or my hoodies. i like being cozy day & and out. and ugh. efoort. just throw me in a blanket in a cool room and im out.

SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS OR FLINGS serious relationships with some openness or poly. i wish i could fling! just not exactly easy for demisexual autistics lmao.

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN THE PAST AND CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOUR LIFE, WOULD YOU AND WHAT WOULD IT BE I think I would be adopted by my grandma as a kid. It would save me some trauma but mostly I think it would get my autism diagnosed way earlier and save me angsting all these years of wondering why & thinking it’s my fault I’m struggling so much and so loud and affectionate and different in a world that i didnt fit in the same way. 

ARE YOU AN AFFECTIONATE PERSON when i get drunk i text people how much they mean to me in my life. does that answer your question? ahhh. i’m sometimes a cuddle monster with friends, i message people with long texts about how much they mean to me, but I sometimes really don’t like to be touched at all. 

A MOVIE YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN FLYPAPER.  F L Y P A P E R.  FLYPAPER.  FLY, and, I can’t stress this enough, fucking PAPER. ( Though also Whole Nine Yards and both Re-Animator & Bride ). I have watched Flypaper already like, 5 times this week and I’m still not done, and the other movies have been on repeat for days in this household within the last year. In the past it has also been Donnie Darko & the new Nightmare on Elm Street.  roast me.

FAVORITE BOOK White Fang by Jack London. Have I actually ever finished it? No. Do I still own a copy I’ve had since childhood thru multiple dogs eating it, taking it to and from school, and highlighting and circling all the best parts of chapter one ever since I was a kid and it was too hard of a book for me to read? You bet your ass. If I ever need inspiration I just reread chapter 1. Although one of my other favorites was Broken Monsters by Lauren Beukes. But White Fang is like, a weirdly personal text. We stan London’s writing in this household.

YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO KEEP ANY ANIMAL AS A PET, WHAT DO YOU CHOOSE FENNEC FOX!! I used to daydream about having my own named Shiloh when I was a lil kid. they’re adorable little things and i am obsessed. i mean, gimme any fox and im happy, marble foxes, red foxes… but I was obsessed with fennec foxes. Also tbh ferrets. I want a ferret.

TOP FIVE FICTIONAL SHIPS [IF YOU ARE AN RP BLOG, YOU CAN USE YOUR OWN SHIPS AS WELL] Rosa & @ninetyscnds‘s Luke, Rosa & @iimpulsivity is already screaming my name, Rosa & Constantine, Jesse & Andrea from Breaking Bad, and the joker and harley of 80s sci-fi Dan & Herbert from Re-Ani.  I am but a simple opossum. 

PIE OR CAKE Pie! I’ll take both pumpkin & melty apple over cake. also, cheesecake is more pie than cake soooo, pie wins.

FAVORITE SCENT my dogs / my blanket. :’)  It’s the most grounding smell in the world. 

CELEBRITY CRUSH oliver jackson-cohen, i’m fucking GAY and im angry about it. there i was, minding my own business, and i saw that asshole in a certain SHIRTLESS GIF and it AWOKE SOMETHING IN ME. dont talk to me about it, holy shit im obsessed with beardy men now god fuckkdafjaask i hate him why did he make me this gay i was perfectly fine being into girls but NOOOOOO him and his dumb hairy chest and sweet rugged face and I——  I also am obsessed with the archaeologist & television personality Josh Gates and may or may not be considering making a fan blog for him bc idk if my anthropology docuseries host is Dad or Daddy but i love him lots

IF YOU COULD TRAVEL ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD YOU GO I would go on a dive with anthropologists and archaeologists doing fieldwork research in the ancient cenotes of the Yucatán Peninsula. My actual dream job, catch me crying & fantasizing about being underwater documenting Mayan skulls given as offerings. Fuckkkk, I love anthropology so much!!  take me anywhere in the world to immerse myself into culture & archaeology.

INTROVERT OR EXTROVERT Introvert. I have a real life friend I see roughly once a month, and that’s it. Plenty of online relationships, I’m chatty, message me all day every day. but i dont do people well.

DO YOU SCARE EASILY I used to! Really bad. I don’t as much anymore. I do get paranoia a lot still. Having therapists telling you that the FBI could be outside your house watching you through your windows will kind of nervous. ( no google results for: yes hello fbi i am a writer please dont put me on watchlists i just have research i need to do for this idea im working on, would you like to try again? ) I have nightmares nightly but not they never make me afraid, they just make me feel like crap. jumpscares and loud noises and seeing people reaching into their pockets dont set off as many brain alarms anymore tho!! progress haha.

IPHONE OR ANDROID I like my android better bc of capabilities but meh

DO YOU PLAY ANY VIDEO GAMES My mom, her husband & I play COD for family game night, and Silent Hill is my life’s blood. I’ve sunken hours into Sims & Skyrim, and Norman Jayden from Heavy Rain is my #1 fictional character in existence, why do i love the druggie babies

DREAM JOB Oh… You’re asking me to pick? I’d love to be an anthropologist doing work out in the field. Underwater archaeology is peak, but I’m also heavily considering being a body recovery diver or police diver. I’d love to see myself in uniform someday, if possible. Just the thought makes me teary eyed & proud.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH A MILLION DOLLARS fund my person creative & educational endeavors. get myself a spooky ass abandoned house to make my own home to create in, and travel to the world’s best dive sites. just live a mild life of education, creation & exploration. that’s the dream TM.

FICTIONAL CHARACTER YOU HATE dr. hill is a gross and whiny lil bitch this post brought to u by the miskatonic crew, how is everyone here an even worse bad guy than herbert west precious dan excluded talk shit get hit tho john winchester from spn and both walter white & todd from breaking bad are all in my crew of hated characters. i jusT…   the reani novel is difficult to read because i have to deal with this old sack of shit.

FANDOM THAT YOU WERE ONCE A PART OF BUT AREN’T ANY LONGER Supernatural :-)

… AND THIS CONCLUDES A DEEP DIVE WITH INDIGO!! //

[silenthillmutual]

okay. warning for negative bc this is kind of a vent post?

so. i’m still working on unlearning a lot of things that i had kinda drilled into my head with my mom that i did not realize were bad until recently? or things that i could not easily voice were having negative effects on me until recently. and i’m kind of thinking about how my mom is very. hhhhhhhh.

my mom does not have a life outside of work. and not like, “oh she’s very dedicated to her career” sort of way. but like, she does not believe in taking time off. and i think in the way our capitalist environment functions that always comes off sounding very admirable. it’s not. 

because what that equates to is like, she works to avoid other things in her life. she says that she can’t afford to take a break or any time to herself and my best friend and i had told her repeatedly that if she really wants a relationship she is going to have to take time to devote to that which means working less if only by a little bit! and that i have told her that she should take time to herself to relax whether she had a relationship or not because it’s not healthy to obsess over work the way that she does.

and. i guess she does a bit now. i saw recently on her fb that she went to colonial beach w her boyfriend and like. good for her. but that doesn’t erase that she is constantly harping on me, even from a distance, to do like. everything all in one day. and that i should be working 40+ hours a week and that if i don’t do that, that i’m lazy.

like my mom’s version of workaholism is to view herself as the rule and not the exception, which i can see in certain contexts how that translates into “oh so she’s not full of herself” but it’s actually really the opposite! because i think it takes a special brand of narcissism to assume that everyone is and should be exactly like you and that if they are not they are failing and that is their own fault. 

so, my mom has fibro, like on top of all of that and i wonder if she’d feel better if she didn’t constantly push herself into working all the time. and the truth is that she’ll look at any time i spend online regardless of what i’m doing (bc she doesn’t ever care what i’m actually doing on there, to her it’s all the same) as time wasted and an addiction to the internet. and she thinks that everyone else w fibro or w any chronic or mental illness can work exactly as much as she can because if they do anything less they’re being lazy.

and i think you can kinda see why it’s an issue for a licensed therapist to think or feel that way.

so like. i have never pursued any job that says it’s part time, under $10 an hour that wants me to work 39 hours a week (one hour from full time in the commonwealth of va), no benefits, 8 hours every day, retail, with a massive list of responsibilities. because i know that i can’t handle doing 8+ hours which is how much it’ll wind up being if they want me to open/close (taking into consideration traffic and people who just will not fucking leave), like i had to struggle to work 8 hours at a job i actually LIKED without thinking of working at fucking target or some shit for 8+ hours a day. i can’t do it. between the anxiety and the autism that sounds like something that will make me absolutely want to die and i know this because i tried that at party city for three days and came home in tears every single day and my feet hurt so bad i couldn’t move.

and my mom’s response to that was like. just deal with it! just push through it! you have to! 

you’d think a therapist with a chronic illness would be more compassionate than that. 

but my mom’s whole life is focused on work and i don’t even think it’s because she just loves her job that much. she just refuses to do anything outside of it. she has a dog and a cat (MY cat I adopted her she is under MY legal name and that dog is basically my dog, he was my baby) that i was under no circumstances allowed to take with me regardless of where i went or when, but that she does not...enjoy. at all. she is constantly bitching about the pets and she bought an automatic feeder and self-scooping litterbox and hired pet sitters not for the occasional trip out to her boyfriend’s but for like a regular thing because she is at home as little as possible. every single second that she can spend at work she will.

and she hated that i didn’t spend 6-8 hours at work (more counting traffic) and then want to spend all of my free time looking for a second or different job and cleaning the house and cooking all the meals and running all the errands and taking care of the pets. with no help.

and that’s part of what i mean about her working to get out of having to do other things. because she also works so much so that she can get out of eating. like. ever. her body image issues are so fucked up that she will eat one meal a day and be like “ugh i’m such a pig i’m so fat i should stop eating maybe then i’ll lose weight”. and then she’ll deny that she he has an unhealthy relationship to food and claim she just “doesn’t have time to eat” even though she apparently has time to bitch at me over facebook or henpeck her boyfriend and read 8 different versions of her horoscope in an hour + longer breaks

like i’m sorry but if i could eat in 30 minutes with my coworker calling me to panic on the other end bc everyone decides to come into the library at the same fucking time then i think maybe. just maybe. you can eat a goddamn granola bar in 2+ hours while sitting at your desk instead of saying “i should be writing notes” and not actually writing your fucking notes!

what really kinda. bothers me all about it. like in addition to all this super unhealthy stuff that makes her occupation as a therapist hypocritical as hell is how she criticizes me for doing the exact shit that she does.

by which i mean. holding other people to my standards.

i’ve worked a lot at not being judgmental of other people and challenging my own notions of what is right and acceptable when i find myself judging other people. it’s really hard. i think it’s connected a lot to being autistic and the kind of biases that we’re all brought up into and it’s why travelling and secondary education are really important, not even just because of learning aspect (although liberal arts forcing you to take classes outside of your comfort zone. i think helps a lot in this too) but because meeting people from all different kinds of backgrounds makes you look at things from different angles you wouldn’t have otherwise, because if you never leave you never broaden your horizons. 

so when there are still standards that i hold people to it’s. i try to just hold people to “not being a total asshole to everyone around you” as a relatively basic standard that i don’t think should be controversial? but even when i voice that opinion - like, literally, i went to richmond cc with two friends and when i got back i was telling my mom about this guy who was very loudly, specifically so that i could hear his unsolicited opinion of my cosplay, talking about how bad/boring jojo was because he knew i was dressed as someone from jojo and he wanted me and everyone else around him to know his opinion of jojo, then went and started mocking his friend for wanting to buy a gba instead of a gameboy sp bc his friend and i both saw the mother 1+2 and mother 3 cartridges and was just being an asshole! again! and i was just complaining to her after the fact about this guy being a dick and my mom’s response, not even like an “i don’t get it but i’m sorry” first was just

“well maybe he’s autistic”

and! i’m sorry! but that! doesn’t fuckign fly with me! i said “so am i that doesn’t mean i go around being an asshole to everyone at con” 

and she was like “well maybe he’s not as high-functioning as you you can’t hold everyone to your standards”

NO! NO MAYBE HE WAS BEING AN ASSHOLE BECAUSE HE’S CIS WHITE GUY AND THINKS EVERYONE NEEDS TO KNOW HIS OPINIONS! do you know how many fucking people go to con are autistic????? a whole shit ton of us! do you know how many poc, trans, nb, not-straight people loudly voice their opinions to make the people around them including their friends feel like shit? NONE OF THEM! NONE OF THEM! NONE OF THEM! ONLY THE CISHET WHITE GUYS WHO THINK THEY’RE TOO GOOD FOR COSPLAY FUCKING DO THAT!

and it’s so irritating! like i’m not allowed to talk about my autism EVER and even when my standards are REALLY FUCKIGN LOW i’m being too judgmental of others but she’s allowed to talk about how everyone who doesn’t work 40+ hours every week and starve themselves is fucking?? lazy????

unreal. un fuckign believable.