#(I may not show it well but I am a bit sad about it

[bbydoll18xx]

This Is Me Trying

'I just wanted you to know that this is me trying.'

Azzi Fudd x Reader

Based on this request (sorry it took forever lol)

Masterlist

Word Count: 1.1k

Themes: depression, mild alcohol abuse, hurt/comfort

A/N: hiii so here i am trying out writing for someone other than Paige, and I really hope you like it! If this is a decent success I may write for other people as well :) And of course it was time to write a fic to go along with my most favorite song of all time (folklore stans rise up)

Lets do thisss

also sorry this is lowkey kinda depressing i am a sad girly

~

Your lack of sleep was showing in deep purple bruises under your eyes that no amount of even the heaviest concealer could adequately cover. You haven't slept well in days, and today’s shift had not helped your exhaustion. The day was filled with incessant neediness, people cussing you out, and an endless amount of shit.

Literally and figuratively. 

You walk into your apartment, just wanting nothing but to fall into Azzi’s warm and loving arms, but you’re met with the still darkness of an empty home. Your girlfriend was in Las Vegas playing against the Aces, and she would not be home until tomorrow afternoon. 

She had promised to call you after the game, but you weren’t sure if you would even make it through your shower, much less wait up for her by the phone for another three hours. 

Your eyes fill with tears, the feeling of overwhelming loneliness mixing with your exhaustion, and as you throw your stuff on the floor, dredging your body into your bathroom, letting the downpour of water drown out your own tears. 

You had become quite accustomed to hiding your feelings behind bright smiles and fake laughs, desperate to clutch onto the need to prove to everyone that you were okay.

Even if you really weren't.

Your girlfriend had enough stress on her, and the idea of her needing to worry about you, too, was enough to send guilt shooting through your entire body. 

You had kept up your facade all throughout college, choosing to take long, solo car rides until you had to pull over, the tears swimming in your eyes nearly blinding you. And when you were strung along to the bars with Azzi and the rest of her teammates, you drowned your sorrows and fears with liquor, numbing your thoughts and your body until you were delirious. 

You were the golden girl. 

You knew what jokes to crack for which group of people you were around at the time. Your grades were stellar. And you had bagged the prettiest, sweetest girl in probably the entire universe. 

So, you resented yourself for feeling anything other than being on top of the world, because it was actually quite the opposite.

It got worse once you graduated. 

Azzi was often gone, traveling for away games, and that left you alone to process the unimaginable emotions that came with your budding nursing career. Feelings of loss and incompetence clouded your brain constantly.

Today was no different. 

You had lost a patient, a kind, gentle woman who finally let go, taking her last breath while gripping your hand, completely alone. 

It broke you, and the devastating reality had sunk into your chest, crushing all of the air out of your fragile lungs. And you were now gasping for air, leaving you feeling bereft and vulnerable, like an open wound. 

Maybe that’s all you’d ever really be, and you could not help but think that you were the festering wound in yours and Azzi’s relationship, threatening to slowly tear it apart until the two of you were left standing in the tattered shreds of what used to be. 

You wanted things to be okay so, so badly, but the overwhelming feelings of loneliness and longing had set in, chilling you down to the bone. And you were scared. 

So you would just continue on pretending. 

Azzi comes home the next day, and you put the mask back on the second she walks through the door. You’d be lying, though, if her presence didn’t make you feel the tiniest bit whole again. You melt into her arms, drinking in her presence, as she rubs your back soothingly, her face pressed into the crook of your neck. 

Maybe everything would be okay, if only you could be honest with her.

~

Azzi lays in bed next to you, and you indulge in the way her smell has permeated the soft bedsheets again, after days of the scent slowly becoming less and less potent. She smells warm and comforting, and you nuzzle into her, desperate for her to fix every little part of you that was screaming out in insecurity and despondancy.

A low sigh escapes your throat, secretly wanting your girlfriend to pick up on your mood, and because she knows you better than anyone else, she does. 

“What’s wrong, baby?” She questions, her tone filled with concern and worry. She places a hand on your cheek, coaxing you to look into her eyes, and the glow of the lamp on the bedside table illuminates the kindness emitting from her deep brown irises. 

“I–” You begin, taking a deep breath and then stopping. Trying to put all your emotions into coherent words was quite the task. And honestly, you were terrified of how Azzi would react. 

Her thumb strokes your cheek, as she sits up fully next to you in the bed, eyes still peering into yours. 

“It’s okay, it’s just me,” she murmurs gently, and something clicks inside of you.

It was Azzi. You could tell her anything, and it would never even come close to dimming any of the love she felt for you. 

In that moment, all the anxiety you felt about coming clean seemed silly, like it had been built up in your head to great heights, and here it was now, crashing down all around you.

“I’ve been really depressed,” you mumble, your cheeks feeling warm from her touch and the prickling of shame. “For a long time, actually. And I really fucking miss you. I hate feeling like a needy girlfriend, but I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this.”

The confession pours out of you, and as the air stills between you, your heart races as you watch Azzi’s face contort into a look of hurt and confusion.

“Oh, baby,” she breathes, scooping you up and setting you into her lap, legs draped over hers as she interlaces your fingers with hers. 

“I’ve been missing you, too. And I didn’t want you to feel like you had to sacrifice your career for mine,” she murmurs, pressing a kiss onto your temple. 

Your shoulders sag in relief, and you connect your lips in a kiss. There were numerous unspoken words shared as your lips entwined in a sheer display of passion.

As you break apart, you gaze back into those dark brown eyes, pupils now blown wide. “Guess this means we’ll have a lot more time to be doing this,” you giggle, wagging your eyebrows at Azzi.

She shakes her head fondly. “Just want my sweet, happy girl back,” she whispers in your ear.

Little did she know, you already were.

~

I really hope everyone enjoyed this. I have been toying around with a lil Pazzi fic, so let me know if you'd be interested :)

xoxo katy

Taglist:

@fullladypanda-blog, @omg-imtumbling, @tenaciousglitternerd, @oldcrdigan, @paigebuxkets, @the-other-half , @patscorner , @dietcokesmom , @tndaqltoifwy

Want to be added to my taglist? Comment or send me a message!

[ninadove]

Nina reads Dracula 🦇

September 24th

I hadn't the heart to write last night; that terrible record of Jonathan's upset me so. Poor dear! How he must have suffered, whether it be true or only imagination. I wonder if there is any truth in it at all. Did he get his brain fever, and then write all those terrible things, or had he some cause for it all? I suppose I shall never know, for I dare not open the subject to him.... And yet that man we saw yesterday! He seemed quite certain of him.... Poor fellow! I suppose it was the funeral upset him and sent his mind back on some train of thought.... He believes it all himself. I remember how on our wedding-day he said: "Unless some solemn duty come upon me to go back to the bitter hours, asleep or awake, mad or sane." There seems to be through it all some thread of continuity.... That fearful Count was coming to London.... If it should be, and he came to London, with his teeming millions.... There may be a solemn duty; and if it come we must not shrink from it.... I shall be prepared. I shall get my typewriter this very hour and begin transcribing. Then we shall be ready for other eyes if required. And if it be wanted; then, perhaps, if I am ready, poor Jonathan may not be upset, for I can speak for him and never let him be troubled or worried with it at all. If ever Jonathan quite gets over the nervousness he may want to tell me of it all, and I can ask him questions and find out things, and see how I may comfort him.

Can we talk about how cool Mina is for a second? Her first reaction upon finding out is disbelief, of course, but she turns around so quickly so she can A. support Jonathan and B. potentially save the world. She knows her skills are valuable and she immediately puts them to good use. It’s not hard to see why Jonathan fell in love with her!

It also means that everything we’ve been reading so far is courtesy of her work, by the way. Which immediately prompts two thoughts:

She apparently wasn’t jealous at all upon reading the Three Weed-Smoking Girlfriends bit Jonathan was so worried about, otherwise she would have edited it out;

She had to transcribe Lucy’s journal and her own letters… She had to add the “unopened by her” mention herself…

Everybody say thank you Mina!

And now for the bit where I genuinely shed a tear:

I pray you to pardon my writing, in that I am so far friend as that I sent to you sad news of Miss Lucy Westenra's death. By the kindness of Lord Godalming, I am empowered to read her letters and papers, for I am deeply concerned about certain matters vitally important. In them I find some letters from you, which show how great friends you were and how you love her. Oh, Madam Mina, by that love, I implore you, help me. It is for others' good that I ask—to redress great wrong, and to lift much and terrible troubles—that may be more great than you can know. May it be that I see you? You can trust me. I am friend of Dr. John Seward and of Lord Godalming (that was Arthur of Miss Lucy). I must keep it private for the present from all. I should come to Exeter to see you at once if you tell me I am privilege to come, and where and when. I implore your pardon, madam. I have read your letters to poor Lucy, and know how good you are and how your husband suffer; so I pray you, if it may be, enlighten him not, lest it may harm. Again your pardon, and forgive me.

I’ve said it before, but there are some similarities in the way Dracula and Van Helsing talk. Well, there are some in the way they write too!

You may remember this little bit from May 3rd:

"My Friend.--Welcome to the Carpathians. I am anxiously expecting you. Sleep well to-night. At three to-morrow the diligence will start for Bukovina; a place on it is kept for you. At the Borgo Pass my carriage will await you and will bring you to me. I trust that your journey from London has been a happy one, and that you will enjoy your stay in my beautiful land.

Your friend,

DRACULA.

The letter opened and closed on a fake declaration of friendship, foreshadowing Jonathan’s imprisonment.

Van Helsing does something very similar here, but A. with desperate apologies and B. recognising his status as someone who is very much not Mina’s friend (yet?). So what does it mean?

It means he is breaking down

We saw him run himself ragged to save Lucy and fail. We’ve seen him fall from witty and pretentious banter (with Seward) to hysterical sobbing and laughing (also with Seward) in the span of a few weeks. We’ve seen him hide the truth while also giving out clues, we’ve seen him break down because he knows, and doesn’t want to burden anyone else with this knowledge, but realistically can’t bear the weight on his own.

So when he reads Mina’s letters — the ones Lucy never got to open — he has no choice but to reach out. Mina is not a doctor like Seward, she’s not a Strong Young Blood Donor like the suitors, she’s just a young woman who is also struggling and also loved Lucy, and this fifty-something genius finds a sense of kinship in her, and immediately decides she is the only person who can help him.

But that means she must know, and therefore be trapped in the same Hell he is. Hence the structure of the letter. I LOVE THIS BOOK

< Prev 🦇 Next >

[seven-thewanderer]

Hey sooooo

yall (by y'all specifically y'all who watch the Sun and Moon Show) know what happened today right?

So I drew this

[anastasiabowe]

𝙍𝙄𝘾𝙃 𝙂𝙀𝙉𝙏𝙇𝙀𝙈𝘼𝙉 — As a broke college student, it’s not wrong to want a rich boyfriend! That doesn’t mean you’re a gold digger, or will stoop so low you will ruin your worth, it just means you want a man who will take care of you, and guess what? You found him.

note: this will be a 3 part series! First one I’ve ever made and may be my last! So please not too much on these writings! Luv you!

𝙋𝘼𝙍𝙏 𝙄 𝙋𝘼𝙍𝙏 𝙄𝙄 𝙋𝘼𝙍𝙏 𝙄𝙄𝙄

Content Warnings: language, suggestive content

Nanami is a man of morals. He usually keeps his hands and eyes to himself, he holds the door for anyone, women especially, he respects boundaries, and if anything that causes him to think inappropriately he will kindly excuse himself to make sure he doesn’t seem like a creep. But Nanami is just like any man.

Nanami longs for a lover, a wife. He desires children, a family. But in this cruel, sick world, he can’t find a woman who wants him for him. Nanami is one of the top 10 richest men on the planet, he not including himself, but his company in that title.

Every woman he has attempted to date tries to put on their best “I love you for your heart not your money!” act, but it slips the second they tell him “oh no! I forgot my wallet!”

Nanami knows every trick in the book, he knows the look women give him when they are impressed by his wealth, he knows the lip biting they do to show interest in his looks, he knows the voice and excuses they say to make him fall down to their feet, which he never once has done nor will do. He knows it all. So dating people that have seen him before he’s met them makes it all the more boring.

So, when Nanami’s friend, Haibara introduced him to dating apps, he obviously was shook.

“You really had no idea there were dating apps?” Haibara blankly looked at him. Nanami bit his thumb in uncertainty.

He grumbled a little “no.” And his friend smiled. “Then sign up! What can you lose? They don’t have to know what you look like.”

Nanami hated that idea. “No, I want them to know who I am.” His firm voice erased that idea completely from his friends plan.

“Well, 80% of this world knows who you are, that wish you want isn’t going to happen.” Nanami sighed knowingly, just tired from his sad lonely life.

“Haibara, thank you for this..” Nanami thought carefully of his words. “Great discovery, but I think it’s best you head home and I sleep on it.” Haibara understood, and firmly grabbed Nanami’s shoulder on his way out.

“You’ll find her, I know you will.” Nanami placed his hand firmly on Haibara’s in a thank you, and Haibara left.

After Nanami heard Haibara leave, he hurriedly sat down on his couch and opened the dating site.

“RICHTON THE DATING APP FOR THE WEALTHY!”

Nanami quickly laughed at the cringe advertisement, but it was a popular app, so something was working.

Nanami put in his information and had to choose which photos to put on his profile. He chose the first decent ones he could find, not caring too much about perfection, and he was brought up with the interests slide.

He clicked three random ones and pressed continue. The app asked to use his camera to verify his age and photos. Nanami positioned the camera to where it said to and he was verified. The app welcomed him to a very ugly woman.

Nanami had skipped the tutorial at the beginning and just swiped towards the X like he has seen on TV. This app was the definition of a gold diggers dream. Rich men pay to speak with women that aren’t even all that.

Nanami swiped and swiped towards the x. No woman looked like a decent women. They all looked like they seduce men or are prostitutes, maybe both. Nanami frowned seeing all the half naked women.

“Should I really be on this app?” He thought to himself. He continued to swipe, heart sinking each swipe to the left seeing women who don’t know their worth. Ass in the camera more than their face just to get a quick buck. Nanami swiped one more time ready to turn his phone off, and his thumb froze.

A girl with straight hair smiling in what seems to be senior photo. She was in a white summer dress posing in a daisy field. The beach was calm behind her and he couldn’t help but stare at her smile. She seemed so pure, so innocent and that was exactly what he was looking for. He swiped right on her profile and it opened up a message saying:

“YOUR FIRST MATCH! SEND HER A MESSAGE WITH THE AMOUNT YOU WOULD LIKE TO SEND!”

Nanami saw a text box and a drop box. The drop box has let Nanami type in the amount he would like to send. The minimum was 5 dollars. He typed in $100 and pressed on the text box.

His thumbs again froze. What should he say? Should he compliment her? Introduce himself? Nanami combined them. He typed.

“Hello, my name is Kento and I couldn’t help but be in absolute awe seeing your photos. You are absolutely beautiful.” He sent it without looking back, this was already hard enough.

Nearly instantly you saw his message and typed.

Y: “Oh my god, you did NOT have to send that much money!”

He imagined your voice as he read your message. He chuckled to himself like a madman and he started typing back.

N: “I wanted to, you are so beautiful, I couldn’t help myself.”

He nervously tapped his thumbs on the side of his phone waiting for your response.

Y: “I really do appreciate the compliment but $100 is too much, I can’t accept that!”

N: “Too late, I want you to have it, I want to talk to you.”

Y: “You can’t talk to me for free!”

N: “That’s not how this app works..?” Nanami was confused.

Y: “Oh, right.. I forgot you have to pay to chat.”

N: “Please don’t be alarmed by the money, I’m not running out anytime soon😂”

Nanami cringed at himself for using such an emoji, but he wanted you to feel at ease.

Y: “Thank you, you really didn’t have to though. I won’t stop saying that.”

N: “Then let’s change the subject. Why are you on this app?”

You saw his message but didn’t text back. Did he ask a triggering question? You soon started typing, and his nerves came back.

Y: “You know, a broke college student who needs a little extra cash😅”

He chuckled, for a girl who didn’t want a hundred bucks, that’s sure what she was looking for.

N: “Haha, so you won’t mind if I send more?”

Y: “Don’t send more! I’m not that broke😭”

Nanami smiled. He smiled as if you were really there. He imagined having this conversation with you and how hard you would make him laugh with your silly remarks.

N: “Don’t worry, I won’t 😂, but it’s not like you’re going to stop me.”

Y: “I’ll send it back😜✌🏾”

N: “I’ll send it back!”

Y: “And I’ll send it again, it will be a whole thing if you make it💀”

The fact you both were arguing over money is crazy, Nanami never argued with a woman about sending them money. They usually do a “oh no you don’t have to do that!” But will eventually accept. You on the other hand are just outright refusing. Nanami is now intrigued by you.

N: “If you won’t accept my money via here, how about dinner? I’ll pay, and I won’t argue about it when we get there.”

You again took your time typing, very obvious you are unsure.

Y: “Okay… but where are you tryna take me?”

N: “I was thinking…. Hermes?”

Y: “You’re joking!”

N: “What?”

Y: “I can’t afford that!”

N: “You’re not paying.”

Y: “Still, I can’t make you pay for that!”

N: “I want to pay for it, I eat there all the time.”

Y: “Not for two☹️”

N: “I’ve paid for 10.”

Y:“Kento..”

N: “Y/n, please. I want to meet you. You intrigue me, I’ve never met someone like you. I don’t want to seem like a begged, nor do I want to pressure you, but I would love to meet you and enjoy a nice dinner with you.”

Nanami felt desperate even though he just met you not even an hour ago.

The long response time again happened, and Nanami felt like he blew it. The once time he felt like he actually found someone worth the time, he blew it.

Y: “Okay.”

Nanami’s heart fluttered seeing your message.

N: “You will have dinner with me?”

Y: “Yes! I’ll have dinner with you😂”

Nanami felt like a little boy again. He hadn’t felt this excited to ask a girl out since never and it felt good.

N: “How does tomorrow sound? I know that’s soon, but it’s the only day my schedule isn’t busy.”

Y: “Yeah, tomorrow would be great!”

N: “Alright, I’ll see you then!”

Y: “See you!”

+

The next day Nanami felt different. His head was somewhere else, somewhere lighter, happier. He felt… excited? He wasn’t sure, he hasn’t felt this way until his first client offered him half a million dollars as he started his journey in this company.

Nanami played more upbeat music, very different from his normal taste, and he swayed and stepped with every beat to the song as he ironed his clothes. He had opened windows and instead of wincing from the sun hitting his eyes, he smiled.

“What a beautiful morning.” He thought to himself. Nanami must have been in a different place that he didn’t even know was so negative until now. He was looking forward to a dinner with someone. He hasn’t felt that way in years and he just wishes he could meet you right then and there.

Nanami nearly put on his freshly ironed clothes and grabbed his briefcase and blazer. He locked his garage door and headed straight to his black Porsche that he usually doesn’t drive, but today, why not?

Nanami drove to work with a smile on his face. Haibara greeted Nanami as he stepped out of his car and a valet stepped in for him.

“Good morning.” Nanami smiled and Haibara walked beside him.

“Good morning…” Haibara stared at Nanami’s face.

“Did something happen?”

“What do you mean?”

“Did you win the lottery? What’s got you so happy?”

“Haibara.” Nanami stopped and turned towards his friend, “Thank you.”

Haibara wanted to laugh, he didn’t even do anything, right?

“for what” Nanami smiled at Haibara.

“For showing me that ‘app’. I’m going to meet someone for dinner tonight.” Haibara smiled at Nanami.

“That’s great, Kento! What’s her name?”

“Y/n.”

“Hm, is she pretty?”

“Beautiful.”

“Is she rich?”

“Eh..”

“Is she young?”

“Kind of.”

“What do you mean by ‘kind of?”

“She’s… 20..” Nanami purses his lips waiting for Haibara’s reaction.

“20?!” His eyes were wide and he laughed. “You’re 34!”

“She’s very aware of my age.” Nanami said not amused by his friends reaction.

“I mean, hey, if a woman 14 years older than me asked me out, and she was hot, I’d go out worth her too.” Haibara threw his hands up in a ‘what can I say’ pose and Nanami rolled his eyes.

“We meet at 6, so I just need to get through today.” Nanami said more to himself. The happy facade started to break, and he felt the butterflies pool in his stomach.

He was nervous. He hasn’t been on a date with someone he actually wants to meet in over 10 years. He doesn’t remember how to be charismatic, he doesn’t remember how to be enticing and interesting. Work has been the only topic that’s been keeping his conversations alive. He doesn’t talk to anyone about anything personally other than Haibara and that is hard enough.

Haibara saw Nanami. He knew Nanami for nearly 6 years and this was the look of nervousness. He’s seen it countless times, but that’s only because he knows him. He can tell from the slight twitch in his jaw and the subtle fidgeting with his hands.

“Come on Nanami, let’s go to my office.” Nanami nodded and followed Haibara.

+

In Haibaras office, he gave Nanami tips.

“Now I have met countless women. Hard to believe, I know, and I know how to get them wanting more.” Nanami cringed at the thought of his good friend seducing women.

“I’m not trying to get anything from her, I just want to hold a conversation and hopefully get to know her more.”

“Alright, I got you.” Haibara walked over to his whiteboard and wrote “NANAMI’S FIRST DATE”

“This isn’t my first date, Haibara.”

“I know, but you’re acting like it is.”

Nanami nodded in agreement, and Haibara clapped his hands together.

“I have cancelled all meeting that require you to be there, and will have your secretary fill in for the ones that don’t. We have all day to get you ready for your date, alright?”

“Ok.” Nanami replied. Nanami felt silly sitting in the chair and listening to his younger friend teach him how to act right on a date. Nanami usually lets the women talk since he usually doesn’t care too much about them. He usually just lets his colleagues recommend a woman and set up a date. Nanami regrets every single dollar he wasted on the money thirsty women. But he wants to try with you. He wants to talk to you and let you talk. He wants to actually get to know you, maybe even go on more dates and hang out.

“Ok, first step. Do NOT let them talk the whole time. Even if they ramble, try and have a mutual conversation. Sometimes when they ramble, they think it’s because you aren’t interested and they will want to make sure you're still intrested” Haibara took in a huge breath, “OR they are nervous.”

Nanami nodded.

“You just have to read their body language.”

“Well, how will I know if they are nervous or not?”

“You’ll know. If they look around when talking, when they cover their face when talking, when they hold their hands in their lap, if they look tense, come on, you know what nervous looks like.”

Nanami nodded again.

“Use your words, this is practice. Don’t just nod your head,” Haibara mocked him by aggressively nodding his head “say things like ‘I agree’ or ‘I’m listening’ or ask them about whatever they’re talking about so they know you’re listening.”

“Okay.”

“And don’t just say ‘okay’.” Haibara mocked again. “Try and be more creative! Let’s practice.”

Haibara sat down in his seat and tried his best to look more feminine.

“So yeah, me and my friends went mini golfing and I didn’t know what to do so I just sat and watched them play.”

Nanami sat there. What did Haibara want him to say? Haibara looked at him, waiting for a response.

“Oh, well that is very sad.” Nanami said unsure. Haibara sighed and rolled his eyes.

“Yep, might as well pay the bill and leave.” Nanami sat there dumbfounded. What was he supposed to say?

“What should I have said instead?”

“Nanami, I can’t tell you what to say, but that would have sent her home crying. You sounded like you didn’t care. You should say something along the lines of ‘did you ever end up knowing how to play mini golf?’ That will at least let her know you’re listening.” Haibara stood up and sighed.

“We have a lot of work to do.”

+

After many hours of preparing, Nanami’s watch chimed. It was 5:30 and he needed to head home and change.

“Thank you Haibara, this was very helpful.” Nanami shook his friends hand and headed towards the front of the office.

“Don’t try too hard! Just let it come out naturally!” Haibara cakes out to Nanami. Nanami smiled back at his friend and Haibara sighed.

“Please don’t screw this up.”

[lerclan]

movie night (pt.2 to orange) | lando norris

type: smau + written

pairing(s): reader x lando norris, reader x f1 grid (friendly)

summary: after you and lando officially announced your relationship, you didnt realize that charles and george were actually sad about the news. to make it up you invited them for ice cream and some movies (except they werent the only ones that showed up)

warning(s): a little bit suggestive 😘🙈

fc: random girlies off of pinterest!

---

"are you sure thats gonna be enough ice cream, babe?" lando asks as you turned to look at him confused

"yes??? why wouldnt there be enough? i only invited the two of them for some ice cream and to watch movies." you respond to lando as his eyes widen, "what did you do, lando."

"i swear–no i promise i didnt know it was just supposed to be those two..." he explains as you look at him more, "i may or may have not invited more people besides the two..."

"lando norris!" you yelp out in disbelief, "go."

"go?? go where??" he asks confused.

"go buy more ice cream for the friends you invited." you tell him as he sighs, "quit standing around, go before they come!"

after a few minutes of you stressing out, lando finally arrived with more ice cream in his hands.

"who else did you invite?" you finally ask as he puts the ice cream in the freezer.

"carlos, oscar, max, alex, and lewis." he states their names.

"oh, well thats fine. sorry for getting snappy with you, love." you give him a peck on his cheek, "you know how i am with planning things."

"trust me i do, dont worry about it babe." he tackles you onto the couch as you scream for help.

you and him wrestle each other for a bit until you end up on top of him, straddling his waist.

"i could so do you right now." you blurt out as he cheekily smiles.

"please do." he says as you lean in for a kiss but it gets interrupted with a doorbell.

"awhh, too bad." you pull away as you give him a sly look to which he rolls his eyes at.

---

ynnn posted on their story !

👁️628,183

amayamoore replied to ynnns story

amayamoore WHY IS EVERYONE THERE

amayamoore I THOUGHT IT WAS J GONNA BE CHARLES AND GEORGE??

ynnn GIRL I THOUGHT SO TOO BUT LANDO INVITED MORE PEOPLE 😭😭😭

amayamoore LMFAOOO

lilymhe replied to ynnns story

lilymhe tell alex to buy some carrots after you guys are done w your movie night

lilymhe that cute idiot forgot his phone 😔

ynnn LMFAOAHHS OKAY

ynnn he said "understood" with a salute

lilymhe thanks girl lets hang tmrw xxx

ynnn GIRLS NIGHT!?&:

lilymhe YESSSS

---

"did she ask for anything else, y/n?" alex asks as he takes a spoonful of ice cream into his mouth.

"no, but i am stealing her from you tomorrow night." you answer as you take a spoonful of ice cream into your mouth as well.

"girls night?" max asks as you nod your head in agreement.

"yep, pretty much." you answer verbally, "anyways, were you two shocked when you pulled up here seeing all the other guys?" you laugh as you see charles and george nod their heads.

"obviously. i thought me and george were gonna get closure and therapy after the announcement, not a whole party." charles answers as he laughs, "but i think this is better."

"the more merrier they say..." lando says as he scratches his head.

you give him a peck on the lips as you laugh.

"you guys are lucky charles cried all of his tears during the announcement or hed be bawling right now." carlos says as everyone laughs and looks at charles.

"hey, still quite sensitive to that..." he says as he eats down his ice cream and chokes.

max instantly gets up to pat charles on his back as he keeps on coughing.

"DONT DIE ON ME." you yell as you ran out of the room to get charles a glass of water.

"RUN BABE RUN!!" lando yells out as he slowly panics at how much charles was coughing.

"HERE.." you come back with a glass of water nearly slipping on the way, but it gets to charles safely.

"charles dont die yet, you have to race in monaco." max says as he still pats his back.

"i wo–" he coughs, "i wont." he finally takes a deep breath and stops coughing.

"almost lost a dad there for a sec by his own ice cream brand" oscar says as everyone laughs especially charles.

"you almost really did." he says as he finally eases down, "anyways, what are we watching tonight." he asks as you chuckle at his attempt at changing the subject.

"you can pick since you almost saw the light." you say.

"yeah mate, youre lucky max got your back. like quite literally." lewis says max laughs.

after a few minutes of thinking, charles finally picked a movie that he thinks everyone would enjoy.

---

lando.jpg

Liked by ynnn, landonorris, maxverstappen1, and 528,924 others

lando.jpg my love ❤️

tagged: ynnn

View all 45,818 comments

---

user3 y/ns first jpg feature 🥹🫶

lando.jpg wont be the last thats fs ❤️

ynnn you better be for sure.

user3 NOT THE THREAT GNNN 😭😭😭

maxverstappen1 mates gonna pretend like we werent there...

alex_albon got lost in the sauce

lewishamilton real

georgerussell63 real

oscarpiastri real

carlossainz55 real

charles_leclerc real

lewishamilton wheres my photo creds @??

ynnn real, like he ate that last pic of us up

lando.jpg creds @/lewishamilton for the last photo 😒

ynnn gosh hes being sassy again 🙄

lewishamilton i literally just asked for creds 🙄🙄

ynnn ikr??? 🙄🙄🙄🙄

mclaren now you know what we have to deal with 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

ynnn gosh i could never 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

lando.jpg GOSH YOU GUYS ARE BULLIES ☹️

---

charles_leclerc

Liked by landonorris, ynnn, lilymhe, and 1,271,182 others

charles_leclerc feeling better now 😎

tagged: ynnn

View all 157,713 comments

---

ynnn I SWEAR YOU PUT A FRICKING BRICK IN YOUR PILLOW. GOOD LORD CHARLES.

charles_leclerc LOLLL IM SORRY 😭😭

ynnn THAT HURT MATE 😭😭😭

landonorris THE SOUND IT MADE LMFAOOO 😭😭

ynnn SHUT UP LANDO.

alex_albon ive never laughed so hard until what happened on the last photo 😭

lewishamilton FR 💀

lilymhe COUNT YOUR DAYS ALEX.

ynnn YOU GUYS ATTEMPTED TO MURDER ME I SWEAR.

ynnn MURDERERS. ALL OF YOU.

user3 NOT Y/N ACCUSING THEM OF ATTEMPTED MURDER BYEE 😭😭

scuderiaferrari dont hurt our future driver charles ❤️😘

mclaren nuh uh i dont think so ☝️ shes taking landos seat

scuderiaferrari we will see 🙈

ynnn THAT WAS AN UNFAIR FIGHT WAIT TILL I HAVE MY GIRLS W ME GOSH

lilymhe FR

amayamoore REMAAATCH

maxverstappen1 its so on

oscarpiastri REAL‼️

alex_albon REAL‼️

landonorris REAL‼️

carlossainz55 REAL‼️

lewishamilton REAL‼️

charles_leclerc REAL‼️

georgerussell63 REAL‼️

user4 THIS FRIENDSHIP IS TO DIE FOR I SWEAR

---

georgerussell63

Liked by ynnn, charles_leclerc, landonorris, alex_albon, and 876,173 others

georgerussell63 we totally won in girls vs boys pillow fight.

tagged: charles_leclerc, ynnn, alex_albon, landonorris

View all 99,173 comments

---

ynnn FOR THE LAST TIME: GIRL (SINGULAR) VS BOYS (PLURAL)

user4 poor girl is fighting a whole team 😭

ynnn NOBODY HAD MERCY 😡😡😡😡

charles_leclerc youre just a sore loser

ynnn STFU LECLERC.

alex_albon i swear i literally almost peed myself seeing her screech, run away, and slip 💀

landonorris FOR REAL. I NEARLY HYPERVENTILATED SEEING THAT HAPPEN I WAS CRYING 😭😭

carlossainz55 it actually had me in tears too i couldnt believe she slipped because of her slippers😭😭😭

maxverstappen1 i may have bursted a lung.

ynnn WHAT IS WERONG QITH YOU GUYS QUIT EXPOSING ME

user22 I CANT BREATHE 😭💀💀💀

oscarpiastri 😭😭😭

ynnn im gonna crash into you guys if i see you in the roads.

amayamoore THE THREATS 😭😭😭

mercedesamgf1 how do you feel about joining us next year. we will have a seat open for you 😁

redbullracing no she seems to have a redbull driving style 😘

scuderiaferrari FORZA FERRARI!!! also we dibs first 🙄

mclaren shes already driving for lando next year 🧡🧡🧡

landonorris WHAT

yn.jpg you didnt know babe?

landonorris #landofoundonthestreetsjobless

yn.jpg GOODBYE LMFAOO 😭😭

landonorris look at my loves bunda 😻😻😻

ynnn id humor you if i wasnt holding a grudge against you.

landonorris it was too funny babe i could not 😭😭

ynnn WTV OPP WTV.

landonorris there she goes again 🙄🙄🙄

---

yn.jpg

Liked by landonorris, maxverstappen1, lilymhe, and 35,263 others

yn.jpg welcome chat

tagged: landonorris, charles_leclerc, georgerussell63, carlossainz55, oscarpiastri, lewishamilton, alex_albon, maxverstappen1

View all 9,173 comments

---

yn.jpg look at all the photos i took of them

yn.jpg my favs is alexs 😭

user3 WHAT EVEN HAPPENED

yn.jpg nothing...just an inchident. (tried running him over in his own car)

lilymhe LMFAOO GNNN 😭😭 HE PROBABLY DESERVED IT

yn.jpg HE DID LILY HE RLLY DID

alex_albon OKAY WHATEVER 😒

charles_leclerc hey...😔

maxverstappen1 best quote from you ever.

lando.jpg such a copycat 🙄

maxverstappen1 mate didnt you beg her?

georgerussell63 didnt you go down on both knees?

oscarpiastri didnt you weep on the floor?

alex_albon didnt you massage her back?

lewishamilton didnt you yell loudly for her to make this account?

carlossainz55 didnt you roll AND weep on the floor if she didnt make it?

charles_leclerc didnt you also massage her feet?

yn.jpg didnt you beg for months for me to make it?

lando.jpg GOSH I GET IT OKAY. 🙄

user22 omg look at oscar hes such a cutie 🥹🥹🥹

charles_leclerc my child is cute 🥹

oscarpiastri thanks dad 😆

user3 that looks like the best movie night ever omg

user4 NO CUZ FR??

yn.jpg #facedented #charlesfault #hehadabrickinhispillow

charles_leclerc haters gonna stay losing 🙄🙄🙄

lilymhe lets get them next time since they wanna talk😒

amayamoore real 😒

yn.jpg real 😒

ynnn real 😒

lilymhe not the double confirmation 😭😭

ynnn i want revenge babes 😭🫶

lilymhe youll get them back babe 🫶😘

amayamoore @/alex_albon she just stole your girl

alex_albon #usedtothis

lilymhe HAHAHSJW ILY BABE 😖🤍

alex_albon love you too 😻🙈

ynnn ew i hate couples 🙄

landonorris im literally on the other side of the couch from you babe 😔

ynnn how about you come to my side then babe. sit on my lap 😻😻😻

landonorris yes maam 😻😻😻🙈🙈

amayamoore GET OUT OF HERE

georgerussell63 TAKE THIS SOMEWHERE ELSE.

charles_leclerc THEYRE DOING IT AGAIN

mclaren i was never here 😨

---

authors note(s): did a little part 2 to orange since it felt like it needed a part 2.

i also wanna thank you guys for giving me massive support on orange 😭🫶 i genuinely thought it was gonna flop since it was my first time writing a smau and i thought that you guys wouldnt find my humor funny, but reading the comments made me feel better 😘😘😘

thank you sm again xxx

[rekino2114]

Nobara kugisaki, Maki Zenin and Utahime Iori with a boyfriend that's pretty much an affectionate airhead and appears to be weak but he gets revealed as a special grade sorcerer which they didn't know cause it never occurs to him to tell them

Nobara, maki, utahime and mai with an airhead special grade reader.

A/n:I hope you don't mind me fusing your two requests and adding mai cause they were pretty similar.

Nobara kugisaki

Nobara doesn't really mind your personality. She can be a bit of an airhead herself sometimes (especially with yuji), so sometimes she gets swept up in your demeanor.

She enjoys your affection quite a lot even if she may not always show it, there is nothing she loves more than hugging you in public to show off how cute you are together, especially when she gets jealous of another girl.

During a mission she asked you to try to take one of the curses arms so she could use resonance on it, she was left with her mouth wide open when you indeed brought her the arm....complete destroying the curse in the process, the following explanation that you're a special grade left her even more in shock.

"So.....You're a special grade like gojo-sensei?"

"Yep"

".....why the heck didn't you tell me?"

"I mean, you never asked"

"*sighs* You're lucky I love you"

Maki zenin

Maki gets annoyed because of you....a lot, even if she loves you the amount of times she has to explain things to you and drag you away from stupid situations gets to her sometimes.

The same thing goes with the affection you give her. She doesn't like it, she will mostly push you away but seeing you sad hurts her so if you continue to ask her enough times she might accept hugs while blushing a lot.

She was hesitant to train with you at first due to how weak you looked but her opinion quickly changed when she found out you could keep up with her physical power even with her heavenly restrictions.

"H-how did you- You're so strong!"

"Thanks, it's nothing a special grade can't handle"

"..........what?"

"Oh did I forget to mention that? I'm a special grade sorcer- ow! That hurt"

"That's what you get for not telling me"

Mai zenin

Unlike her sister, mai really likes your personality. You look cute in her eyes even if she might get annoyed sometimes, she can't stay mad at her cute little boyfriend for too long.

She also loves how affection you are, it makes her feel more confident in your relationship and she likes to show you off to everyone.

She's not that strong either so she was surprised when you two were paired up for a mission and was worried you were gonna get hurt but she was quickly proven wrong by your strength.

"Wow you're strong! You might even be on a special grade level"

"Thanks. That's because I am one"

"You are? How come you never told me?"

"I guess i didn't think you would be interested in knowing that sorry"

"It's fine, I think I deserve a kiss as an apology, though"

Utahime iori

Utahime is very conflicted about you. She loves you, but you remind her of a certain white-haired sorcerer who is the bane of her existence, she tries her best to stay calm with you though.

She's not fond of affectionate gestures, but she'll accept hand holding if you insist. Please don't do that in front of gojo, though. If you do, he'll never stop teasing utahime about it.

She tried to use her technique to power you up during a mission, but you told her it wasn't necessary before attacking, leaving her absolutely flabbergasted.

"W-what? How? Uh?"

"Why are you that surprised? I am a special grade and that curse was basically nothing"

"Y-YOU ARE?"

"Yeah. I never told you?"

"NO YOU DIDN'T"

"oops, well you know now"

"I-*sighs* I should have known"

[transmascaraa]

may i please request genshin men (lyney, tighnari, cyno, and whoever else you'd like to add) with a jaded and distrustful reader. they're hesitant to entertain the idea of a relationship bc they don't believe it's genuine, the reader is scared they have ulterior motives. they've been hurt before and aren't about to let it happen again. because of this they act kind of standoffish to any advances they make. how would they win over the reader?

multiple characters headcannons!

distrust.

characters: lyney, tighnari, cyno, sethos x gn!reader

author's note: finally doing another req lmfao how are you guys😭 oh yeah and i want to try writing sethos cuz i haven't seen much including him at all or is it just me???? nvm it's worth a try

♡ Lyney

-i think he would just accept it at first

-like "they don't trust me? well shit— i can't do anything about it"

-but lynette didn't want her brother feeling so sad because he'd annoyingly complain to her until they both died

-and she decided to kinda reassure him by saying that even tho the chances of you trusting him are low, doesn't mean that they're gone entirely WHICH MEANS there's still hope

-this makes him feel at least a bit better and that's when he actually starts making an effort

-he practices EXTREME and DANGEROUS magic tricks just to show them to you, not on any magic show for anybody else to see.

-extreme as in basically shoving a huge sword down his mouth, or as in literally throwing arrows in the sky, so that when they fall, they perfectly line out his silhouette, not hurting him in the slightest. because to him, apparently:

-near death experience=trust

-up to you if you trust him but honestly if i was that distrustful reader it wouldn't help lmfao

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

✿ Tighnari

-i feel like he wouldn't be super interested in winning you over

-since like you literally don't trust him enough so what's the point

-but just MAYBE he'd try at least something

-he will try to win your trust by reassuring you when you need it, letting you know that you CAN trust him

-and that he's not a jerk or coward that would have ulterior motives

-so instead he doesn't rush you and lets you do what you wish

-even if you end up telling him to plainly 'fuck off' in the end, he'd be a little disappointed in himself but also he'd just accept it

-he won't force you into anything

-so in the end it'll all be up to you

-cuz he will do his best to show you that he won't hurt you in any way, and that he's loyal and trustworthy enough

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

๑ Cyno

-happy 1day late bday to him he's literally my 2nd/3rd fave

-i think when you explain to him that you fear getting into a relationship at all for whatever reasons, he says he understands but will definitely subtly try to win you over

-telling you random jokes every day hoping that it would maybe help in earning your trust

-subtly showing you he has no evil plan by being there for you when you need it

-he'll ask tighnari for advice, and the advice he will get is "how am i supposed to know? appear more trustworthy i guess? make better jokes?" to which cyno will listen but that's already what he's trying to do on his own

-he'll ask to spar with you, trying to earn your trust in yet another way

-he feels reborn when you even slightly smile at his jokes btw so yeah

-soon enough, you catch on that he's trying to make you trust him.

-and after that, in the end, everything's up to you

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

✯ Sethos

-is it just me but i love him sm i swear

-he will be persistent.

-understanding but persistent.

-not as subtle as cyno, but he will do it less often than cyno just because of the subtleness in the whole thing

-he'll definitely invite you on a walk with him throughout the desert like a few times a month

-loves it when you say 'yes'

-he will joke around with you, and make inside jokes with you, hoping that it means something to you

-maybe he'd ask you to spar together but would lose himself if you actually agreed(in a positive way ofc lmao)

-he's hoping so fucking much that he's presenting himself as loyal as possible to you

-if you don't want him in the end, that's completely fine with him

-but if you accept he'll look pretty much chill and happy with it but his brain and heart will be a mess lol

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

was sethos ooc???? idk

do i care?? yes (a lot, in fact)

either way i'm alright with how i wrote this

| @mariaace <3

[allthornsnopetals]

Being Jealous

:Includes:

E.Bridgerton

D.Bridgerton

V.Bridgerton

:E.Bridgerton:

She simply cannot help it, especially during the debutante season.

She understands that ladies of the Ton are expected to search for Suitors and marry, after all, it is the marriage mart. But it doesn't stop the gnawing at her gut or the heated glares, that she is rather terrible at hiding.

Eloise knows, that you love her, and would 100% dodge every man in and out of the Ton for her, simply because your heart has already devoted itself to her, but again it does not dampen the rage, and her mood.

She would let the feeling simmer, simply because in society she can't do anything.

She does not mean to let it grow, simply wanting to avoid confrontation, and trying to remind herself that what you are doing is simply a ruse, and to avoid suspicion of your relationship, but that all goes to hell at some point.

It builds up over time and eventually blows up, during a ball or gather of some sorts when she finds you dancing or chatting with another eligible Suitor, who is rather obvious with his intentions.

She storms out of the room, of course with you noticing and excusing yourself, searching for her in a hidden hallway, in order to make sure that she is okay.

"El, are you okay? Is something the matter?" Said Y/n, finding her love weeping angry tears.

"Yes, everything is just fine. It's just the dust, it's burning my eyes."

Y/n chuckles, finding her poor attempt to lie, rather amusing. She drew closer to her, wiping her tears away with the pads of her thumbs, and handed her a handkerchief, tucked away in her purse. "I love you Eloise Bridgerton, but you are a terrible liar." She held her close, rubbing soothing circles on her back.

Eloise pulls away, cleaning herself up. "Well, tell that to Lord kiss-my-ass. Tell him that your heart is already full, occupied by another." Her tone was rather blunt, angry and even sad.

But Y/n simply grinned, cupping her cheek, and pecking her cheek. "If you are jealous, my love, we can leave. I can inform my mama that I am feeling unwell. And perhaps I could show you my love in a more private setting."

It takes a lot of kisses, yearning touches, and perhaps a week in the country together to reassure her.

Next time, do better at lowering your number of dances and Lords you interact with, just in case.

:D.Bridgerton:

It isn't jealous but doubt with her.

Daphne is a lot more challenging to convince, in my perspective. She begins to question your love, thinking that you would slip away from her, and marry a Lord, duke or even a prince.

Her desire for love is rather a large part of herself, so when she begins to think that you do not love her, it gets a bit sticky and even messy between you and her.

She isn't angry, like Eloise but sad, feeling as if her heart is shattering, thinking that you have changed your mind about devoting your heart to her.

She might withdraw herself, becoming distant and even avoiding you at times.

But her mama is always watching, and she notices that something is wrong.

Violet noticed her daughter longingly staring at Y/n, clearly missing her, and wanting to be near her dear friend. She does not know what is truly between them but she can tell when someone yearns to be in the presence of someone extremely dear to them.

"You have not spoken to Miss Y/n in sometime. Has something caused a breaking between you and her?" Said Violet, sitting beside her daughter, watching Y/n frolic and interact with a possible Suitor.

Daphne shook her head, but her pout made Violet think otherwise. "Sometimes friends fight, misunderstand, and even begin to feel unwanted by the person they cherish most." Violet held her hand, drawing her attention.

"Whatever it may be that caused such a drift, perhaps talking might just fix it. It might just fix the spoken feelings as well." She stood, withdrawing herself, and allowing Daphne to think.

But that is all it took. She did not want to feel this way anymore. She wanted to know if her love's heart still yearned for her, perhaps even shattered without her. She needed to speak to Y/n, and she was going to do that, now. Pulling her away without another word, Daphne guides Y/n and herself somewhere more private, away from nosy ears and eyes.

Once secure, she turns, going in for the kill. "Do you love me?" She said straight forwardly. "Do you even want me? Or even need me, like I need you?" Daphne stared right at Y/n, never tearing her gaze away from her or spilling for air.

"Am I your air as you are mine? Can you sleep without me polluting your dreams, because I cannot. You are my air, but am I yours?" Her chest batted, heaving to her uneven breaths.

"Well, tell me. Do you love me?"

The shit eating grin, curving Y/n's lips confused Daphne. "This is why you avoid me? You feel as if I do not love you? Does this have anything relating to the men of the Ton calling for me, dancing, and even socializing with me?" Y/n steps closer to her, her smile so teasing it made Daphne's heart clench so giddily, and stomach twist. She was beginning to feel, rather foolish.

"My darling, are you jealous of the men of the Ton?" Y/n caressed her cheek, causing her to draw closer.

"Perhaps a little." She confessed, making her love chuckle.

"Come here, you bimbo." Y/n drew her into her arms, swaying them both, soothing her back. "Let us stroll, I do wish for a break from the Lords and their blistering egos." Daphne chuckled, taking her darlings arm.

It took a lot of alone time together, kisses, and even gifts.

It also meant a visit to the country side for a long while, with her family of course, but mainly you and her, mending the misunderstanding.

In this she learns to trust her love, to build and understand the purpose of talking, instead of avoiding and withdrawing.

A lot of reassuring glances, touches that cannot be read more than something friendly, seeking each other at balls, and spending time together when you are both back in society.

She just wants to be 100% sure in her love, so it does take a lot of time, even after talking about it and mending a few things, to truly reassure her.

:V.Bridgerton:

You and Violet go way back, as in before the marriage mart, and the search for husbands.

Your heart will always be devoted to her, and her alone, but society is cruel, so when it is time for you to marry it makes things a lot more complicated for both you and Violet. Marrying into high dynasties, but yearning for the other.

Violet has buried her jealous glares, heated anger, and built up sadness for more than ten years.

You were both respected ladies of the Ton with children and many eyes on you. But that never stopped the hidden glances, calling hours, and nights spent with each other.

She just wished she could have you all the time and have you like your husband has you, which is why in my perspective she struggles with jealousy.

But she would never voice it of course, because this is how it is supposed to be: A lavender marriage, affairs behind their husbands backs, silent yearning, and performing their duties as ladies of their houses.

The only thing that reassures her of your love is the fact that you name one of your children after her, but this comes about when she is feeling the most insecure, and heartbroken.

"You are expecting!" Agatha squeals, pulling Y/n into a bone crushing embrace, rendering her breathless.

"This is exciting news, indeed. Isn't that right, Violet?" Said Agatha searching for the other woman. Violet blinks, her eyes becoming glassy with her throat running dry. She nods, breaking her trance. "Exciting, indeed." She chokes, sipping her tea, fighting back tears.

She was losing Y/n, sealing both their fates with her pregnancy, something she thought would be a lot easier to digest. She smiles weakly before excusing herself for the chamber pot.

Y/n knew better. She knew that the news would be hard for Violet to hear and even understand. So after the ladies visit, during the night Y/n waited for Violet at their usual spot in the gardens.

Violet was late of course, making Y/n think that she would not show up, but she did and the look on her face said it all. Pulling her into her arms, Y/n reassured her of their love, trying to convince her that it would not change how her heart beats for her.

"Why did you not tell me earlier? Why not inform me alone?" Violet questioned, sitting with her, staring out at the stars.

"I wanted to keep it a secret, until I was sure. And I also want you and Agatha to hear together, she is also my friend, Vi. It is news to be shared with my most favored girls." Y/n explained, holding her hand and resting her head on her love's shoulder.

"Lord Bridger, marries you, sleeps with you, and finally impregnates you. How do you think I am to feel about the news?" Her tone was torn, sounding like shattered glass.

Using her fingers to guide her attention back to herself, Y/n pecks a quick but loving kiss to her lips. "I did not expect you to be happy, but I do hope that you be with me during this journey. Because if there is anyone I want most by my side during my pregnancy, it's you, my love."

She still envied your husband, even after his death when it left you a shattered widow with four children.

You mourned him, as she did Edmund, making her think that you did not just care for him, but loved him.

You named your only daughter after her, as a declaration of your love, which served as a reassurance.

For Violet it is a long process of reassurance, healing her insecurities, and finally talking through it, after so long of harboring her feelings.

Violet is just very sensitive and perhaps insecure, after all, loving some of the fairer sex is challenging in your society.

[sassycheesecake]

Your seven-year-old son Haruto is currently watching 'Bluey' on the carpet in the living room, eating his Lucky Charms cereal, when both you and Tetsurō walk into the living room.

"Bud, put the TV on mute, we need to talk about something." Tetsurō crosses his arms and you stand next to him with a smile on your face.

Haruto frowns and puts his unfinished bowl down, looking at you and your husband.

"Am I in trouble?" The little ravenette asks, looking a little bit scared that he did something wrong.

"You’re not in trouble, Haruto. Your mum and I wanted to… deliver some news." Tetsurō tries to comfort him but it only makes the little ravenette feel worse.

"Okay?…" You can see that your son pales a little bit and you’re scared he’s going to throw up on the carpet on how nervous he looks.

You crouch down to his level, your smile comforting his uneasiness a little bit.

"You’re going to be a big brother Haruto. We're having a baby." Your gentle voice calms him down a little bit more and Haruto understands and begins to frown.

"But I don’t want a sibling."

Kuroo sighs and scratches the side of his neck, looking at you for help.

You gave your husband an annoyed look before looking at your son again with a smile.

"Haru, I know this change may be scary but I am sure that you will be as excited as me and daddy when we welcome your little sibling into the world." You ruffle his black messy hair and when your posture is straight again, Haruto can see a very little bump on the lower part of your stomach. He actually thought that maybe you ate a little bit too much of food from last week but since you’re about to change, the little ravenette feels like his world is going to change as well. And not in a good way.

You and Kuroo leave the room and Haruto tries to focus on his show again, but the thought of having to share everything with another kid in the household is making his stomach twist with jealousy.

The next morning after you left for your ultrasound appointment, Kuroo stays behind to watch your son while also having to work from home.

Haruto walks over to see his dad at the kitchen table, working as it seems.

He holds his penguin plushie close to his chest when he starts talking to his father.

"Dad?" Haruto looks at his father, who is typing a lot down on his laptop with a concentrated face.

"Hm?" Tetsurō keeps his face focused on his laptop, writing something down on his notepad that lays next to it.

"When does my new brother arrive?" Haruto asks curiously.

"Well, we don’t know yet and we don’t know if you get a brother or a sister."

"Why not? I thought you said I will have a sibling?" Haruto‘s face scrunches up a bit.

"I know. But it’s too early for that to know, buddy. Mum has to grow your sibling and until her stomach gets a little bit bigger, we don’t know for sure yet if it’s going to be a girl or a boy." Tetsurō looks at his son from his peripheral vision, seeing that his son's face angers up a bit.

"I don’t want a sister."

"Well, mum can’t influence that either. Why are you against having a sibling anyway? Mum and Dad thought you would be happy about the news."

Haruto looks down at his bare feet, losing the grip on his plushie.

"A brother or sister would mean I have to share my room, my food and you and mommy." Haruto mutters in shame, a hint of hurt and sadness mixed in his words.

Kuroo sighs, turning around so he fully faces his son.

"I know that change can be scary, Haru. But I promise you, once your sibling arrives, you’re going to be happy to have one. Think about uncle Bo, he has four kids. All of them are happy that they have each other." Kuroo says with a little smile.

"But they fight over food and their toys sometimes." Haruto explains while looking up at his father.

"I know but even mum and I fight sometimes. It’s normal to fight with someone sometimes. It would NOT be normal if they never fight or if they fight all the time. When I was your age, my mum, your grandma, and my dad would fight all the time. In the end, it was just me and your grandma. Your dad only had uncle Kenma as a friend in the beginning and back then, I would have done anything to have a sister or a brother."

Haruto looks at his father with a sad expression, tears starting to collect in his eyes as he runs to his father and hugs his legs very tightly.

Kuroo is quite shocked by the action but chuckles heartily as he cards his fingers through Haruto's hair, comforting him.

Haruto calms down and accepts the fact that he will be a big brother.

Over the next few months, Haruto watches the change in his mother, physically and emotionally.

Your stomach begins to grow more and you cry over the silliest things. (At least in Tetsurō‘s opinion)

You cried a full hour because a butterfly hit your windshield, your husband brought you your favorite flowers and you felt nauseous after smelling them, causing you to feel bad because you can’t enjoy them, saying that Tetsurō wasted his money. You’re eating the weirdest and most disgusting food combinations, sometimes having corn dogs and dipping them in Joghurt or other times especially in the mornings, you eat hot flaming Cheetos with mint chocolate chip ice cream.

Right now, Haruto looks in concern with his hazel eyes at you, as you are eating vanilla ice cream with tuna chunks in it.

"Mum, why can you have ice cream for breakfast and I can’t?" Haruto pouts.

Kuroo snorts behind the rim of his coffee mug.

"You’re not concerned about the tuna in the ice cream?" He chuckles as he looks between you and his son.

You continue to savor the food in your mouth when you shot your husband a nasty glare for that comment.

It makes Kuroo gulp in nervousness.

"I am craving this. Now be quiet and let me enjoy my food, Tetsū." You snap at him.

"Yes, ma'am." Kuroo replies with a shaky voice.

Haruto glances between the two of you and giggles at the exchange between his parents.

Exactly four months later, Haruto is sitting in front of the entrance door, anxiously waiting for his parents to come back.

Kenma is watching him, since your water broke in the middle of last night, having to go to the hospital for delivering Haruto's baby sister.

Currently, the dyed blonde is gaming on his Nintendo switch when he looks over at his godchild. Haruto is sitting in front of the door like a dog waiting for its owner to get home. He looks incredibly worried and rightfully so, since last night was pretty hectic and you looked in so much pain that all Haruto wanted to do was comfort you.

Before Haruto knew it though, his father called Kenma in a panic and not even twenty minutes later, the pro gamer showed up at their doorstep. He was never that fast at their house.

With a last quick goodbye, you and Kuroo were out the door and it’s already been over 15 hours.

Haruto did not like this one bit.

You were in pain and it was caused by his stupid sibling that he was actually excited for.

Kenma is very tired after being woken up by the former Middle Blocker at 1 am last night but still, he needed to watch Kuroo’s son.

Nekoma's former Setter is looking at him for a few more minutes until he decides that they should do something, to get Haruto’s mind off a bit.

"Hey little gremlin, want to watch some SpongeBob?" He offers.

Haruto looks at Kenma and gets up from his sitting position to join the former Setter on the couch.

During an episode, Kenma's phone vibrates with a message from the roosterhead.

'Lost count of how many times (Y/N) has threatened to kill me. Bones in my right hand are crushed to death. Say hi to Himari Kuroo. How is Haru?'

A picture follows underneath the text message.

It’s a picture of a newborn in a soft pink cat beanie and it’s swaddled up in a white blanket with cartoon kittens all over them, appearing to be sleeping.

Kenma smiles at the picture, happy that everything went well despite the long labor that you had to go through.

'He is fine. He keeps staring at the door like a little dog, waiting for its owners to get back.' How is (Y/N)? The blonde texts back.

‘She’s good, exhausted af. She’s been sleeping and eating mochis for the most part. Really missing Haru as well.'

'How about I drive Haru to you? That way he can see you and (Y/N) and (Y/N) can see Haru again.' Kenma offers.

'👍🏻😌'

Kenma turns to the little ravenette and sees that he is looking down at his penguin plushie with a sorrow expression.

"Come on little gremlin, let’s go see your parents and your little sister."

Haruto's face snaps up to his godfather and he smiles excitedly.

The two of them are driving to the hospital where you delivered and Haruto keeps swinging his short legs back and forth, excited to see his mama and his papa again.

When Kenma and Haruto walk through the doors of the hospital, people are gushing over the two of them, causing Kenma to feel slightly uncomfortable because they think Haruto is Kenma’s son.

When they reach the labor and delivery unit, Kenma asks for your name and the nurse at the front desk leads them to the room you’re staying in.

Haruto is too hyper to contain his excitement and runs to the room, almost slamming it open.

The sudden opening of the door startles you and Kuroo but quickly changes to happiness to seeing your son.

"Mama!" Haruto climbs on the bed towards you and your raging hormones are making you cry when you finally have your boy back in your arms.

"Haru, be careful! Mum had surgery done on her stomach!" Kuroo scolds his son and tries to pull him off of you.

"It’s okay, Tetsu. He just missed us." You soothe your husband while caressing the little ravenette’s head and back.

Kuroo joins your side on the bed, wrapping his arms around you and his son, feeling at peace.

Kenma watches the scene with a fond look before deciding to give the three of you a little privacy.

Remembering why he came here in the first place, Haruto wiggles out of his mother’s embrace and sees that your stomach has shrunk down.

"Where’s my baby brother?" He asks in curiosity.

"You have a sister, Haru. Her name is Himari and she is currently with the nurses, she needed to be weighed." You explain to him, brushing the messy strands back.

Just as he was about to reply to you, the nurse walks in with Himari and Haruto sits up straight to be able to see his sister.

He scooches back a bit into the arms of his father and watches intensely as a little bundle of wrapped blankets is handed back carefully to you.

"You want to say hi to your little sister?" You whisper in a gentle tone, unwrapping some of the blankets so your son can see his little sister better.

"She looks like a mochi." His amber eyes shine in excitement.

"She does. Make sure you protect your little mochi, okay Haru? She depends on her big brother."

Haruto nods enthusiastically and carefully touches her face and giggles a bit at her scrunched up face.

Later on, Haruto is knocked out from being up for so long and is sleeping soundly against his father while you feed Himari.

"Tetsu, you’re staring." You say while breastfeeding your newborn, not taking your eyes off of Himari.

"Sorry, kitten. Can’t help myself." Kuroo smirks in mischief as he continues to look at you with love and affection while Haru is sleeping soundly against his chest.

Kuroo can’t describe the words how happy he is to have a family with you. He hopes that in the future, Haruto and Himari will grow up close and maybe if he plays his cards right, have another bundle of joy with you in the future.

[lidiasloca]

more than this (azriel x reader)

summary: after Azriel and reader had a summer together, the last thing Az was expecting was to face her again. (angst).

previous chapter, next chapter

chapter seven

⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄☆

Days passed. Countless days passed. Nothing happened in between them. You woke up, you ate, and you went to sleep. That was it. Emptiness.

Two months ago, thought, it were different. After leaving Helion’s palace, an unbearable pain reigned your heart. You woke up, you cried all day, and you went to sleep. But now you had no more tears left.

Just emptiness.

And constant banging on your head.

Or is it a knock on the door?

Another knock.

Another knock.

You rose from the ground, ungracefully and dizzy. “Go away!” you shout as you walk to the door of the old and poorly lit apartment you had rented. But the knocking doesn’t subside.  

“What do y-” But your words fade as you see the person knocking.

“Hi,” she smiles faintly. “It’s been a long time, Y/n.”

You open your mouth. You close it. And you try talking again.

“Elain?”

Her forced smile fades into an empathetic look. Her expressive face has always been easy to read. Her next words are harder to understand, though. 

“I really hated you, you know. Utter, raw hate. And maybe I still hate you a bit. But… despite that, you deserve to know more about Azriel.”

She hates you. Understandable. She wants to talk about Azriel. That makes no sense at all. 

When you finally manage to word something, you ask her, “Know what?” 

“Well - could I come in first? It’s freezing here. And this may take a while.”

You let her in and guide here to the couch. Your mind is blank as you prepare some tea for the both of you. Is still blank when you start mindlessly listening to Elain talk about the weather, your family, and other things you can’t quite hear because your head is full of one clear scream:

Azriel!

“Elain,” you cut her off mid-sentence. “Please, just - what is it that you really came here for? Earlier you said something about Azriel.”

“I know. I know,” she replies softly. She inhales deeply. “I don’t know where to start...”

It was a sad day. Rain kept pouring and I felt lonely in my room. Only the drops of water accompanied me. 

Or at least that was until I saw them. Azriel’s shadows. And like smoke warns you about fire. His shadows only meant he was next. 

“Do not hide,” I commanded, no longer vulnerable against he who had broken my heart.

Then, he appeared, wearing black clothes, as obscure as his semblance. Sad eyes watched me back. Guilt and tears mixed in their dark color. 

“I am not hiding, Elain,” he said, softly as a whisper. “Not anymore.”

The pain in his voice moved me. He sounded miserable. He looked miserable. 

I walked to Azriel. Yes, I was mad at him. But that didn’t dismiss the love I still had for him - the worry I felt for him. 

The moment I laid a hand on him, barely a touch, he broke. He moved to hug me desperately as he cried and begged for forgiveness.

He confessed what we both knew I knew. That he had been with Y/n that summer. And that he still loved her after it. He said he wished he hadn't hurt me. And that he was sorry. So sorry.

He kept crying for so long it shocked me. He never showed me his feelings, but now, here he was, crying and sobbing as if he had never been touched by sadness before.

Once I accomplished to soothe him a bit, he told me what had happened. He told me trough sobs he had found his mate. He didn’t have to tell me her name. I knew. 

I had always known. Since the very first moment he had returned home after summer, I had known there had been someone. And I knew she was much more for him than just a someone. Even if he lied to me. Even if he lied to himself. 

But a bond… No lie can conceal the mating bond. 

Not even a lie to believe there is one. But he had tried to believe for so long that he would find one in me. In us. 

I felt like a disappointment every day that passed and the bond didn’t snap. I felt like that was the only way to prove myself worthy of his love. Had he had known we weren't mates earlier, I knew he wouldn’t have wasted a second on me. 

That was Azriel. A male obsessed with finding a mating bond and feeling unloved. It was a vicious circle he had entered. And I had jumped to the spiral with him… 

“And so did I,” you say.

Elain's eyes find yours in surprise when she hears you, like as she had been lost in her story. You know that feeling quite well. Memories with Azriel cut bone-deep and are always there to stay and come to the surface whenever they want. 

“And so did you,” she breathes. Then she chooses silence, still reeling from her confessions. 

You have a feeling that day she’s talking about was the day Azriel had left. The day the bond had snapped. The day you told him… 

You inhale deeply. Trying to think of something else.

“Y/n,” she calls. “The truth is, I hate you. You must have guessed that of course; I know I was rude to you when we first met. I pretended I didn't know anything so I could go on hurting you without consequence." She sighs and adds, "And I also hate him. I wish I didn’t, but I hate you both. He’s broken my heart, and you are the main reason as for he has done so. But, I had been thinking these months. About everything. But, especially, about where this anger comes from.” 

You watch as she wipes her tears. And your heart breaks for her. But, you can’t do anything, so you just continue listening to what she has to say. 

“And the truth is - you’ve just gotten what I always had wished for. A mating bond. It’s the only thing I’ve always wanted since I met Azriel. I hated the thought of being tied to anyone before that. But with Azriel, I wanted nothing else. And now…now I will never have that. Because you have it.”

Silence breaks in through the truths she’s sharing. And you both just sit with them like that. Guilt and sadness filling your heart. 

You let Elain take her time, and even though she claims to hate you, her kind eyes tell you she’s thankful for giving her a moment. 

“And… well, that though I had for many weeks. That you shared the bond with him and I didn’t. And to go through those weeks, I tried to use something he’d told me. That you hadn’t accepted it. That you hated him. I tried to convince myself that that made us even. I didn’t have the bond, but you, in a way, didn’t either. However, that didn’t do anything to make it better for me. It even made it worse. You had what I would’ve killed for, and you just - didn’t care. You had let him go. And well - I guess that is why I’m here.”

“I don’t understand. You’ve come here because I didn’t accept the bond?” you ask surprised and shocked.

“Yes. And because I want you to accept it.”

Your jaw nearly drops, and you have to close your eyes as you try to make some sense of this. Azriel cheats on her, and she wants for him to have his mating bond accepted by the one girl he’s cheated her with. What -

And not only that. Does she not know how much damage he’s done to you to?

“Elain, but-”

“I know. I know. That day, he told me everything. I know what he did to you. I know you didn’t know about me. That doesn’t make me hate you less. But it also doesn’t mean you don’t love him still.”

“What, but I-

“You deny it?” she asks, her eyebrows accusingly risen.

Of course you don’t. You will never deny loving him. And so you stay silent. 

“Listen, I know you are angry at him. A lot. But not half as much he is with himself. He hates himself for what he did to me and for what he did to you. And I know exactly how hard it will be to forgive him, but, you have to. It’s as simple as that.”

“No, no it’s not,” you whisper, almost on the verge of tears. 

“It is. You are mated. You love him, and he loves you. And…” She swallows and adds, “He doesn't love you because you are mated, he loved you long before that. Even when he thought it was supposed to be me. It was always you for him. It is that simple.”

Your cheeks are wet and your eyes hurt from shutting them so tightly when you feel her hand on your arm, caressing you like as she held love for you. You think how you could have ever hated this girl.

“Elain.”

“Yes?”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry for me. Only be sorry for yourself if you let anger ruin the most precious treasure the gods have given you.”

“The mating bond.”

She cocks her head. “No.” You look up to find her eyes. “A soulmate. Someone that, with or without that bond, is made for you. And Azriel is.”

“Oh.”

“Yes, oh,” she laughs softly.

“But, I don’t think he wants it anymore. I told him some things that-”

“Y/n, listen. Azriel loves you still just as much as you love him. No matter what he did. No matter what you said, your souls are tied. And your love hasn’t gone anywhere. Do not waste it.”

And her clear words make it dawn upon you. 

A revelation; You have to go find him. See for yourself that your love still has a chance. 

You smile at her, and she returns your smile softly.

The path to here has been difficult and blurry. What Azriel did is not completely amended. His mistakes have been done. And so are yours. But you are ready to forgive, if he is ready to be better. And you know he is. Because now, with this love you let yourself feel for him, the path seems easier and clearer. 

You know you both have things to solve, and talk. But love will be there with you every step of the way. 

And not only love.

The mating bond. 

“Do not waste what so many wish for when they look up to the stars.”

HEY! IF YOU LIKED THIS, YOU CAN CHECK OUT MY AZRIEL MASTERLIST HERE <3

Just one more chapter to goooo. I know our little Azriel hasn't appeared on this one, but he will of course be on the grand finale. Prepare yourselfs for a lovely ending to this story. Hope you liked it as I've loved getting back here to write for More Than This. Please know I much appreciate when you engage with my posts, especially when you comment nice things :) Thanku for reading.

-Characters by Sarah J. Maas

tag list:

@kalulakunundrum @bubybubsters @goradgirl @kennedy-brooke @going-through-shit @starswholistenanddreamsanswered @linoisqt @minakay @nastynesta @lockedinmytower @stargirl1714 @justagingerliving @marvelpotter @mommyyyyyyyyyyyyyy @mis-lil-red@whyonearthisyourusernamethi-blog @e-dollly @emptyporsche @cwallace02sblog@impossibelle @sidthedollface2 @justdreamstars @nyotamalfoy @cryinghotmess @fightmedraco @strangersunghoon @acourtofbatboydreams @snatched-bubblegum-bitch

IF YOU WANT TO BE IN THE TAGLIST COMMENT IT ON THIS CHAPTER PLEASE.

[channelinglament]

Aeon of Unity.....the first aeon....they were there since the beginning they gave life to all and showed every life they created love and protection but when a threat known as honkai arrived they gave there life to seal it away in another world unknowingly becoming the object of its obsession now millions of years later you've returned and your already showing your creations that love and protection they missed oh so dearly but it seems your divine power has weakened so it's only natural your creations offer some hell right

Low on credits not anymore cause Asta, herta and Himeko have generously donated millions to your mailbox

Not enough resin to continue farming calyx for material's don't worry gepard and bronya have already sent the silvermaine guards to farm as many supplies as you need

Simulated universe giving you trouble well guess what now you can pick 2 paths and you get a bonus curio named [Divinity derived from unification] that buffs all characters depending on how devoted they are to you (you one shot gepard twice with Serval)

Even though they've given you all there love and you give it back 100 fold they still hear you speak of other worlds.....what are honkai, what's a archon and why does the broken claymore in herta's collection give himeko an uneasy feeling and make yoy cry the first time you saw it while saying "your sorry"........they may never know that your loved by not just them but beings of elemental and universal divinity.....maybe one day you'll meet all of them you are the great unifier after all

WOWIE

This is a big brain moment here

This is amazing

Also I think I accidentally altered it a bit- while I was writing- I was rereading it and just noticed that, so I am sorry 🙇

You had all three games installed. You played all of them. Everytime you saw a reference to the previous game, you either squealed of happiness, either cried if sadness.

They all saw you as their Aeon. Aeon of Unity. At some point it is true, as they exist ONLY on your device. Only on your account. Nowhere else. Whatever you do with them, will be there permanently. You can kill them, by deleting your game. You have all 3 games. All the universes. You "unite" them all. So, in a way, what they call you is not a lie.

You gave them life when you downloaded the game.

When you first installed Honkai Impact, you didn't expect Honkai to do...all that. Then you payed Genshin. All that amde you feel sad. Considering they all are alive (well...not exactly-) you can't help but feel sympathy towards them.

You gave them your everything, your love and affection. You did truly love them. At some point, you couldn't continue helping them out. No matter what you do, new "bosses" and enemies get in. They get injured, they die, they revive, and the cycle continues. No. That's not what you want. You want them to be free. To be happy..

So you did what you thought was best. You decided to free them from this "nightmare".

You deleted this games

You did regret it, you felt bad, but.. You reassured yourself that it was for the better.

Plus, now that they're.."dead". When you tried downloading again...they were just a bunch of codes. They weren't themselves anymore. They were not aware.

"I'm so sorry"

----------------------------------

Later, new game came out.

Honkai: star rail

You downloaded it.

They became aware aswell..simialrily to previous game.

The guilt of.."killing" their other counterparts..or their other selves was eating you away. They WERE alive. And you had "unalived" them.

So you promised yourself to not repeat this mistake again. This time, you will talk to them and explain your worries. They could help you, while you help them.

You don't need to worry about them dying anymore, as your healers, Bailu and Natasha have the best healing light cones and artifacts. You don't need to worry about damage aswell.

You don't need to worry about them dying because of a string enemy. You can easily ascend them, because you always have resources now.

If in the past you never talked about this and tried to farm it all by yourself..now

Now, that you talk to them about it.. they help you out with it.

You need credits to ascend something? All donated to you.

You want another character? The crystals are donated aswell, while during the ten pull you get to E6 them. You get their light cones. And 4* are coming in aswell.

You need materials? Silvermane guards are doing it for you, and your characters are doing it aswell!

You make them all strong. You make sure they're able to defend themselves in a fight, while staying at full health.

You've seen video of a person who defeated Kafka without even giving her a single turn? Yeah that's how the fights go without you. While you're here, the game doesn't always let them do that (meme teams are best trust me-)

Oh, the SU is too hard? Dw they got you!

You grace them with your presence, you make them healthy, you make them strong, you CARE about them. You LOVE them

So all they ask of you is your eternal love and attention. Though, you already give it to them.

Sometimes, they hear you crying behind..whatever separates your..worlds

You say sorry, when you look at strange glider. Or a broken claymore. Some feel stable emotions looking at it. (Welt and Himeko)

When Traiblazer hears a strange female noise coming from nowhere saying "Let's explore this area later" you laugh..and cry a bit?

You laugh, and it flutters Trailbazer's heart!

But when you cried? They were confused. Didn't you laugh a moment ago?

Anyways, they're bathing in your attention and affection. They will give you their everything, just ask them!!

Ah, how they wish you came to their world!

Well, it's not a problem anyways..Herta and Aeons found a way to bring you here..

for now, you will see them when you're asleep. For them, you're in SU, but to you..you're just dreaming..right?

They never keep a secret from you, but.. no

This isn't a secret..this is a surprise! You will be happy aren't you oh dear Aeon?

Soon, you will finally be united with them.

Meanwhile the..other worlds..

They are not exactly "dead", since they were never quite "alive" to begin with

They're stuck in some void...

They've seen your attempts to come back to them, and they're grateful for it. They know your reason for..."killing" them

And right now, they're trying to find a way to contact you..you seem to be moving on from them, focusing on other world. Oh nononono...

That's not how it supposed to be..focus on ALL of them..

It seems they need to pay hsr a little visit... hopefully, you will smile at them the way you always used to

[loverofstufflof]

Six Ears design

because I am once again not doing alright!!

Some of you may remember my Wukong design where I just mess around to draw a cute monkey, and I am back on my BS yet again! The voices will not shut up about these stupid monkeys!!

I was hoping to finish the entire roster of primates this weekend, but unfortunately life is not yet done slapping me in the face, so here is the one that’s been rotting my brain the most.

Design notes!

Because of we already have a stone monkey, I am keeping things on brand and making all of the primates elemental! Obviously, Míhóu is wood! (More on this when I finish the other two)

His ears are leaves that correlate with seasons! Is it summer? Past ear will be spring, and future ear will be winter, so on and so forth. Yes, they still function as intended, just able to photosynthesize as well.

Same as Shíhóu, I took references from baby langur monkeys and rhesus macaques. I think it makes sense that they’d be approximately the same species, considering the plot.

I couldn’t think of any clothes for him? I guess it makes sense for Wukong to be the only clothing-wearer, because he’s the only one that contacts society, but it still feels weird drawing him nakey.

Little patches of lichen litter his wood-fur in random places (wherever feels cutest), though most notably on his tail. I’m considering reworking it slightly so they specifically go on fluffy/differently coloured parts of actual monkey fur.

Considering the fact that the only proper description we have for Míhóu is when he looks identical to Wukong (and also his namesake) I’ve decided to just ignore trying to follow canon in that right. Makes things more fun.

And that’s all my notes! Really sad I can’t get to Yuanhou and Mahou quite yet (I have so many ideas for them) but I hope I can get to them soon!

Other than that, I’ve made some small refinements to my Shìhòu design—mainly his staff. It felt a bit too Monkie Kid for me. I’ve always wanted to really lean into the “he’s just hulking around a large pillar” idea, so I did some research on Chinese pillar designs and reworked it to resemble a huabiao! Something I’ll likely show when I put out my Gibbon and Baboon art.

And that’s all I got! Have this concept sketch from months ago while I head out to scream into the aether :3c

[astradyke]

Please write the dissertation on how phil deals with dan's self deprecation :)

hi! i am not certain what exactly you are referring to, but i will be using my best guess that you are referencing what i talked about in this post about a certain minute and a half from a certain video. if that's not what you meant, shoot me another ask! but assuming that's it, well, without further ado...

a deep dive into 19:57-21:26 of What Dan and Phil Text Each Other 2

What Dan and Phil Text Each Other 2 was released December 21st, 2021 on AmazingPhil's channel. this video was released around two and a half years into Dan's hiatus (two years from their joint hiatus). setting aside the several YouTube Originals including Dan as talent, the next upload released on his own channel would be Why I Quit YouTube, released May 2nd, 2022. the sole reason i mention this video is for the contextualization of what was occurring during What Dan and Phil Text Each Other 2-- this video was taken at some point after Dan had learned that his dream show, Dan Is Not Okay, was not going to be actualized, a reality that he described as traumatic.

i want to be explicitly clear that i am NOT intending to speculate on what was transpiring in private, nor am i romanticizing severe trauma. this is a frame by frame commentary post about publicly available content.

the outro to this video begins at 19:52, with a single frame that cuts at 19:57. At 19:57, Phil says: "Bunch has happened with you that we did not text about," to which Dan emphasizes, "That I can't talk about." Dan begins speaking on his own at this point, but you see Phil's face shift as he prods Dan to "talk a bit" about what is going on-- his eyebrows furrow, he's making direct eye contact with the camera, and he seems to be frowning. As Dan talks calmly yet vaguely about the circumstances we later learn about in Why I Quit YouTube, Phil's face shifts from the previously described expression to one where his cheeks puff up, his eyebrows still furrowed-- clearly annoyed. This shift happens as Dan is talking:

"Look, quite a few things, dreams of mine-"

"-got quite catastrophically torpedoed..."

Phil's face is like this for only a second before he relaxes it, though he still looks noticeably unhappy after. There is a jump-cut ~20:12, where Dan now has his hand resting against his face, while Phil emphatically expresses: "Like, Dan has been so close to almost giving you something, and then it's been taken away."

at this point, Dan carefully starts saying that several of these projects might happen in the future-- to which Phil looks a little defeated:

before looking irritated, even more-so than before, when Dan says: "... but I cannot to just wait for them or be gone in the meantime."

again, relaxes again after a few seconds, and only begins to look positive when Dan describes that "somehow, some way, in the new year, I will be back."

... okay, so why did i show you any of that? mainly because i think it is significant to contrast the way that Dan approaches this subject versus how Phil does. Dan is plagued with vestiges of bitter professionalism and a sort of sadness as he tries to allude to the nightmare of his last two years, which makes sense in the context of his indecision over how to respond to what happened. all that Dan has experienced has forced him to constrain his emotional responses, as he has spent two years walking along a very similar edge with his literal dreams at stake. Phil, meanwhile, has a subconscious reaction to what Dan is saying, and without intending to, expresses across his face the shifting emotions that Dan feels unable to show.

to me it mirrors something we see in the I TRY TO GIVE DAN A HAIRCUT!! video. In this video, Dan continuously expresses uncertainty about promoting his book, being repeatedly encouraged by Phil to talk about it-- only for Phil to insert a segment at the end of the video to promote it more fervently. Dan is forcibly holding back, versus Phil openly expresses what Dan feels he cannot do in that moment. when Dan is wading through complicated emotions in order to treat the subject of his recent trauma respectfully, Phil is pantomiming what Dan cannot say in that moment, what he is not safe to say: that he got completely fucked over. Phil is communicating what we would spend five months knowing nothing about, in a way that exposes nothing except the fact that he was by Dan's side, feeling a fraction of his pain, throughout it, and that Dan didn't deserve it. that Dan is not at fault for his own absence.

at 20:35, Phil perks up and expresses that "the world has missed your sarcasm," voicing not only his own excitement ("I'm braced") but also the audience's excitement to see Dan return to YouTube. Dan laughs, before asking: "have they, though?" here, Phil very earnestly says, "yeah!" he is slightly shrugging, eyebrows rising (i couldn't capture a good visual here, sorry). the conversation is quickly hijacked by Dan, who continues to say "maybe this has been good for the world"-- Phil makes an expression here that is convoluted to read, mixed with both irritation/skepticism but also losing a degree of seriousness-- and starts laughing to himself as Dan goes onto say, effectively, that maybe things are better without him there at all. this is a very noticeable part of a lot of Dan and Phil content: Dan makes a self-deprecatory remark, Phil responds very earnestly, and then Dan continues to take it in a joking direction, so Phil picks it up and jokes back.

this feels jarring, at first, because at the time that this video released, i remember being surprised at how dark Dan was being, in a place that was clearly meant to be laughed off but was not executed like his typical cynicism. Phil follows along with laughing about it, because they are professionals and moving along is a quick way to handle something that does not need to escalate to an intervention/argument, but Phil does not joke about this from the beginning-- he is very earnestly assuring, at first, before realizing that Dan is doubling down, and he backs off. and he actually does this a lot across their videos: following Dan's lead.

20:48 is when Phil starts the actual outro of the video. at 20:51, after thanking the audience for watching the video, he gestures at Dan and turns to say: "Thanks, Dan-" to which Dan cuts him off to say, "Thank you for tolerating my presence." Phil continues his earlier sentence, correcting Dan by saying, "for treating us with your presence."

this is done (1) immediately and (2) deliberately. there is no shift in Phil's facial expression, no muddling or joking about what he is saying. Dan, in this moment, is reverting and doubling down on the self-deprecation we started to hear just a moment ago, and Phil is responding to it not by cutting Dan off, or bantering about it, or scolding him, but by very clearly correcting it. Dan is asserting what he believes to be the truth-- this does not read like his regular cynical humor-- and Phil is, in turn, asserting his truth just as confidently: that Dan is, as he said at the very beginning of this video, "a gift" for the audience. That Dan is creating something beautiful, that it's not his fault what is happening to him, and that both the audience and Phil want him.

the outro continues on, and Phil does his promotional stuff, explicitly including Dan in pretty much everything he promotes. here's my best attempt at a screenshot where you can see how close the two of them moved together over the course of this video; this is Phil telling people to subscribe to Dan.

Dan then says, at the very end of the video, that "it has been... a year." Phil doesn't express much facially, but he does say a very clear, "yeah." as Dan goes on to close out the video. in the end cards, Dan's end card says: "DANIEL!" obvious excitement and endearment here.

... okay, that's cool Mare, but you started writing this two hours ago and i don't understand why i needed to read any of that?

this video holds a very different tone to the others in the series, which is possibly why it is not a favorite for many people. it is a funny video, undeniably, but it is very clear in hindsight that this was shot while Dan was in a relapse. which is why it is so meaningful and loud to me that Phil not only brought this series back unexpectedly, but also exhibits this 'pressing forward and pulling them both back' strategy. they laugh about texts, Phil does their joint promotions, and then Dan says something self-deprecatory-- Phil steps up to sincerely counter it, and then pulls them both back as the next jump cut happens. the two of them are in-step, here, matching each other: Dan and Phil alternate discussing Dan's solo work issues; Phil picks up when Dan is trying to make a joke and joins in on it; when Dan self deprecates, Phil takes the same exact sentence and changes a singular word without a visual second thought. they do this all together.

there are a lot of ways to navigate self-deprecation. notably, when arising from a serious internal crisis colored by depression, you can't reason them directly out of it-- it's an immutable truth, to them, something that the world has affirmed. when Dan says that the internet would be better without him, that his presence is merely to be tolerated, you can tell that in the moment of this video's filming he did genuinely believe this. Phil recognizes that any attempt he makes to combat this has to be subtle enough to look over, but clear enough that the audience registers it in their head. it has to be said like it is an obvious truth, because to Phil (and us) it is an obvious truth. and it has to be done in line with Dan, not cutting him off or speaking over him, but by giving him the agency to express how he feels, and informing him, gently, that Phil is in love with him even if Dan is struggling to love himself.

Phil wanted us all to know in this video that Dan was being mistreated, even before any of us knew what that actually meant. even as Dan dealt with the psychological repercussions of this on his own mentally, it reminds us that Phil was there the entire time, Phil saw it and he grieved, too, because if the hiatus showed us anything it is that Phil loves Dan's solo work and his creative mind more than pretty much anything, aside from Dan himself. he also tried to emphasize, at the beginning and the end and even in the foundations of the video, that Dan being there was a treat! not something to be taken for granted! that Dan was something special, something the world desired, and yes that may sound obvious given that we were all there eagerly waiting for joint content, but in the context that Dan was being used for billboards and specials and whatever the fuck just because he could, that he was conscripted into projects and then forgotten about, that his own dreams 'fell through the cracks'... yeah.

a major reason why the hiatus years are so fond in my heart is that they are a clear period of time where you can see Phil's relentless devotion to Dan. he does the most that he can to support him-- he brings him onto a fun joint video, he promotes his merch, he really promotes his book, he coaxes Dan to talk more about solo projects, and he emphasizes that he wants him there. and this is all why this video in particular is so meaningful to me. it's the two of them, unexpectedly for us, bringing back a series where they revel in their insane psychic connections with each other, and it's Phil saying over and over and over again-- this person is with me. i am by his side. i am proud of him, and i radically refuse to take him for granted. he can never go anywhere that i won't follow him.

and that, that is everything.

[sherewrytes]

T. A. R (Time, Appreciation, Respect)

(I'll always want you part 2)

Synopsis: Ony was calling Y/N constantly these days, trying to always reach out to talk and say his piece. Y/N wasn't sure if she was ready for it.

C.W. Angst, Black coded reader, Drug use (weed). Song links used as reference.

Fanfic inspired by the following song.

Solange: Cranes in the sky

Link for part one here

Time had passed since your confrontation with Ony on that fateful night. The sting of betrayal still lingered, casting a shadow over your every thought and action. You still find herself unable to shake the memories of everything that took place between you and Ony and the raw emotions it had unleashed.

It's 2:30 AM. You lie awake, replaying the conversation with Ony in your mind. A part of you acknowledges he may be right, yet you find it impossible to converse without being overwhelmed by emotions.

You heard Annie out on her part to play in all this but not Ony. You didn't have class until 2pm today so you had enough time to sleep some more if needed. You got out of bed, stretched, went to your desk to journal to clear your mind.

You lit the candle on your desk, opened your journal and poured your feelings into it. The pen felt heavy in your hand, similar to how your heart felt in your chest. You wrote about the confusion swirling within you, torn between the logic of Ony's words and the ache of betrayal that still lingered deep within your soul. Memories flashed through your mind of happier times, of sad times and every moment in between. You knew you should hear him out but, you couldn't decide if you were ready or not.

You closed the journal and texted Sasha to see if she was awake. You needed someone to talk to. Sasha responded almost immediately saying she's in the area, so she'd be over in a few and she has Connie and Eren with her.

You sighed and responded. You went to your kitchen to make a quick midnight snack for you and your quests. 15 mins later, at your apartment is Sasha, Connie and Eren.

Connie: "Is it okay if I smoke in here. Between Uni, my music shit and other shit. I'm stressed out."

You: "It's cool. I do smoke sometimes, well used to with Ony. Speaking of Ony. He's been calling my phone nonstop.

*Turns to Eren* He said you've been on his ass about me. Eren the fuck you on boy.

Eren sighed "Look I'm just looking out for him. Ony is taking this harder that I've seen him take anything. Him and I go way back. Ony only shows up to class, messages me for some weed well hella weed. He aint even in the studio much either."

You knew Eren, Connie, Mikasa and Ony were music majors at Paradis University which you all attended. Eren was the lowkey producer type that makes beats to rival the greats. Connie is a rising hip hop artist and Ony is a cross between Trap Soul and Rap. Mikasa was the soulful girl with a beautiful voice. You knew Ony never missed studio time for nothing, so you knew he was struggling.

"When last did he show up." Y/N asked Eren with some concern in her tone.

"Probably 2 months ago before that it was 3 months before that. Look you don't have to force yourself to talk to him or bear his wounds or help him heal from the mess he made on his own. It ain't your job to, What I'm asking is if you can hear him out even if its 5 minutes if you can't then Imma tell him to drop it."

You sat in silence for a bit truly wondering what to do, so you turned to Sasha. "Honestly I want to hear him out, I do but I need more time. I know everyone thinks I forgave Annie so easy, but Ony and I had something deeper than Annie and I had even with our years of friendship. Ya we were fighting and at odds that time but..I know I'm being dumb cause Annie is just as responsible as he was. I just need to clear my head some more."

Connie took a toke of his joint and passed it to Eren then Eren to Sasha. Sasha pulled out her phone and connected it to the speakers in your apartment and started playing L.E.S by Childish Gambino. They all passed the joint around the room you took a few hits here and there. Eren was mindlessly scrolling through his IG to see Ony posted a 15 sec video on IG with a link in the caption to his YouTube to his latest track Amphetamine.

Eren blurted out with a bit of shock, "What the fuck, Ony just dropped a new song. It looks like he changed his artist's name from Ony to Soro. I mean he mentioned the change last time he came in the studio. Yo Sasha disconnect real quick lemme listen to this real quick."

Sasha disconnected her phone to allow Eren to pull up the track. " The song is almost 8 mins WTF is Ony on" Eren says.

The beat kicks in with this smooth, laid-back vibe that immediately hooks you in. Everyone's silent giving the track a listen.

" It's like an amphetamine, how it marinate on my mind (stuck on me, yah) Got no doubt I'll be alright, if I just make it through the night."

You can hear, almost feel the range of emotions in the song. You can hear Ony's voice pouring out his feelings. The beat changes around 2:48 seconds in giving a whole different vibe to the song.

"Shawty cold as December, I still fold her, no Manila B-b-b-brr wit me baby, I hibernate, smoke the lettuce."

Everyone was vibing with the song until they heard Mikasa's voice drop on the track around 4:28 Everyone a bit surprised since Mikasa doesn't easily do features even if it's with her friends. Connie laughed a bit "He got Mikasa on this with him. Damn he really went all out. Aye Eren aint this the same beat he said he didn't want around 5 maybe 6 months ago?" Eren laughed thinking back to when he played this beat for Ony, and he said he hated it. Ony owed him big time for this, but he'll circle back to it. As the song finished. You sat with your eyes full of tears. You thought to yourself that you could feel every emotion Ony sang about in the song. The loss of their relationship, his struggles with his mental health and so much more.

Connie was the first the chime in when the song ended "Damn that was.... deep." "Yah it was Ony really flipped the script on this one." Eren chimed in.

Eren got a notification that Ony was live on IG. He clicked on it. He saw he was talking about his just dropped song and other usual shit that's going on in his life.

Ony's eyes were the newfound usual shade of slight bloodshot red from smoking and hardly any sleep. He was reading off a comment asking him who inspired him to write the song. he responded with "Someone but also no one."

Ony's voice flowed through the speakers in your apartment causing Eren to disconnect his phone to watch the live a bit easier.

He commented saying "Fire track man, wish you'd let me know you were droppin a song man."

Ony read the comment out loud and smirked and said "Sorry man. I wanted it to be a personal project, but I owe you one big time for the beat."

Ony and Eren were engaging in their usual banter in the comments of Ony's Instagram live. You were deep in thought when Ony read aloud a comment from someone claiming his song was inspired by his ex-girlfriend. Ony and you had a semi-public relationship, which is due to his rising fame as a Trap Soul/rap artist.

Ony sighed, his mind drifting back to the last time he saw you in person, when you came to return his belongings from your place. He had seen you around campus since then, but it simply wasn't the same. His response was "It was inspired by pain. Pain of loss, loss of love, loss of hopes, loss of dreams. Loss of self. She's part of something I lost in my life."

Ony paused, his gaze drifting off as he recalled the bittersweet memories. He took a deep breath, trying to push away the ache in his chest as he continued, his voice laden with emotion. "So yeah, she's part of what I lost, but 'Amphetamine' is also about finding myself again. It's about reclaiming my voice, my truth, and pouring it all out into my music."

A faint smile tugged at the corners of his lips, though sadness lingered in his eyes. "Maybe one day she'll hear this song and understand. Understand that she's not just a memory, but a muse who ignited something within me, something I'll carry with me forever."

With that, Ony concluded, the weight of his words hanging heavy in the air. The live disconnected indicating he ended it abruptly.

As the live session ends abruptly, the room falls into a heavy silence. You, sits with a mix of emotions swirling within yourself. Ony's words echo in your mind, resonating deeply with your own conflicted feelings. You can't shake the sense of nostalgia and longing that his music and words evoke. Sasha breaks the silence, her voice soft yet determined. "Y/N, are you okay?" she asks, her concern evident.

You took a moment to collect your thoughts before responding. "I don't know, Sasha," you admit, your voice barely above a whisper.

Sasha nods understandingly, her eyes reflecting empathy. "I get it. It's hard to hear someone express their pain so openly, especially when it's intertwined with your own." Eren chimes in, his tone reflective. "Yeah, but maybe that's what he needs right now. It's better than him bottling it up and tryna smoke it all away."

Connie exhales a puff of smoke, his expression contemplative. "True, but it's also a lot to unpack. Y/N, you don't have to rush into anything. Take your time to process everything, to figure out what you need and want. What Ony did was messed up"

You nod, grateful for your friends' support. "Thanks, guys. I think…I think I need some time alone to sort through my thoughts."

With that que, Eren, Sasha and Connie left your apartment. you walk through your apartment heading to your room, the melody of Ony's song still echoing in your mind. Your emotions even more confusing than when you talked to Ony earlier. You looked at the time. It was almost 5 am. You decided to shower and head back to bed, hoping to get some rest before class.

Your mind was restless, torn between Ony's latest track and his words during the IG live, you were conflicted. On one hand, you acknowledged missing him, but on the other, infidelity was something you could never condone in a relationship. You recognized a desire to listen to his explanation, yet you feared your heart might not endure his version of the events.

The weight of Ony's words hangs heavy in the air, suffocating your mind with intense thoughts. Alone amidst the dim glow of your bedside lamp, the words "Maybe one day she'll hear this song and understand." taunt you with the possibility of reconciliation and closure. You thought to yourself "How could I ever hope to understand the depths of his pain when my own wounds still bleed with the memory of his betrayal?"

Finally entering your room, you sink onto the edge of the bed, burying your face in trembling hands, desperate to silence the cacophony of thoughts threatening to consume you.

"Take your time to process everything, to figure out what you need and want." Connie's words echo faintly in her mind. With a trembling sigh, you rise from the bed, your steps faltering as you make your way to the bathroom. The steady stream of water cascades over your trembling form, washing away the tears that stain your cheeks.

"It's 5 am. I should try to get some rest before class," you think to yourself. Climbing out of the shower, your limbs feel heavy. Wrapping yourself in a towel, the fabric offers a feeble shield against the lingering chill. You dress slowly, abandoning your usual routine for the simple comfort of bed, seeking to calm your mind. Eventually, you drift into sleep, the confusion in your heart, perhaps even greater than before.

*Slight Time Skip*

You finished up her class for the evening, your Textile Science class drained your mind. you run into Eren, Connie, Armin and Pieck in the courtyard chattin it up.

"Yo, Y/N!" Armin hollered, his grin wide as he motioned for her to come over. You gave a small nod, casually strolling over as they kept chattin'. It helped take your mind off things for a sec.

"So, y'all ready for tonight?" Armin asked, his eyes sparklin' with excitement. "Tonight?" you echoed, feeling a bit lost.

Armin leaned in closer, speakin' low like it was a secret. "The party, It's goin' down at my place. everybody's rolling through." You thought about if Ony was gonna be there since going Armin's parties was one of their go to things as a couple.

You shifted uncomfortably, tryna come up with an excuse to bail but before you could say anythin', Sasha and Mikasa slid through, bringin' a burst of energy to the scene. "Hey, y'all!" Sasha greeted; her smile infectious as she pulled you into a hug.

Mikasa gave a nod, her expression serious as she peeped Y/N with concern.

"Y/N, you gotta come through tonight," Pieck chimed in, her voice smooth and persuasive. "You never show up to the parties, and it's gonna be lit." Y/N hesitated, caught between the comfort of being alone and the fear of missing out on the squad's vibe.

Just then, Ony strolled past, casting a shadow over Y/N's mood. She felt a surge of anger bubbling up inside, memories of their messy situation flooding back.

Armin, clueless as ever, turned to Ony with a hopeful grin. "Yo, you coming tonight, Ony?"

Ony glanced at you for a sec before turning back to Armin, his face unreadable. But before he could answer, you spoke up with fire in your voice. "I ain't showing if he's gonna be there," you stated, pointing your finger at Ony with a fierce look.

The air got heavy; the tension thick enough to cut with a knife. Y/N's heart raced as she waited for Ony's response. But instead of coming back at you, Ony just nodded quietly, his eyes holding a hint of regret before he dipped out.

You caught the concerned glances of your friends. You knew your emotions were a bit confusing being torn between wanting to hear him out, missing him then not wanting to be around him. Even though almost much time had passed, her emotions still felt raw.

You looked around to your friend group who was gauging your reaction to seeing Ony. Each stare, felt like a trap a push to make a decision you weren't ready for.

"I can't do this," you muttered, your voice barely above a whisper as you took a step back, your eyes darting between your friends and a mental escape route. Sasha's hand on your arm stopped you in your tracks, her grip firm yet gentle. "You can't run from this forever, Y/N, you're gonna have to address this or find the will to move on" she said softly, her eyes reflecting a depth of understanding. You stared at Sasha's face trying to gauge her facial expression and reaction "I know, Sash I know." you whispered hoarsely, your voice cracking with emotion. "But I'm not ready to face him, not yet. I don't know if I ever will be."

With that said you turned and left them there, briskly walking back to catch an uber back to your apartment.

----------------------------While you left-----------------------------------

Eren stared at Armin, scoffing with annoyance "Bro, how you gonna forget they ain't together no more? Ony straight up did her dirty with Annie."

Armin sighed and took a step back. "I know but they're both my friends and I want them both to be happy and come out more. guess I messed up by asking them out around each other. It's just that we hardly get to chill with both of them around, you know...it's tough."

Eren shook his head, his frustration evident in his furrowed brow. "I get that, Armin, but you gotta realize it's not just about them being happy. Ony really hurt Y/N, man. And seeing him around just brings back all that pain."

Armin's shoulders slumped in defeat, his expression reflecting the weight of his guilt. "I know, Eren, I know," he muttered, running a hand through his hair in frustration. "I just... I don't know how to fix this mess."

Sasha, who had been listening quietly, spoke up with a sympathetic tone. "Maybe there's no quick fix, Armin. Sometimes all we can do is give them space and time to heal, you know?"

Connie nodded in agreement, his expression serious. "Yeah, sometimes the best thing we can do is just be there for them when they're ready to talk or when they need us."

Armin sighed; his gaze heavy with regret. "You're right," he admitted, a sense of resignation settling over him. "I just hope they both find their way through this, somehow."

Previous Next

[patito-oward]

Always Been You

masterlist

Prompt: And the other is about how Pato falls in love with the reader, just how he says "oh yeah she's THE ONE"

since this prompt was pretty vague I took a lot of liberties with it, but I still hope you like it :)

Summary: After being dumped by his long term girlfriend, Pato realizes everything he’s ever wanted in a relationship has been right in front of him

WC: 4.1k

It happened very suddenly. Here’s the thing, Pato didn’t mean for it to happen at all. On the list of things he had planned for the year, this was definitely not on it. A 500 win? Definitely. A championship? Yep. Extending his contract with Mclaren? Right again. But starting the off season by being dumped by his long term girlfriend and realizing he’s in love with his best friend was not anywhere in his mind.

It all started at the last race of the season, Pato was leading the championship, and granted he got a podium on this race he would finally have his championship victory. To celebrate and support, almost everyone he knew came to Nashville. Pato rented out a block of rooms at a hotel, and one of the many people who showed up for him was his childhood best friend, YN.

So maybe it all started in 2008, when YN and Pato were in second grade and met on the playground at recess. YN was sitting on the swings reading a book when Pato approached her, he was new to San Antonio and didn’t have any friends, and wanted to know if they could be friends. From then on the two were inseparable. Pato was a daredevil at heart, and would often hurt himself, and YN would take the delicate time of walking him to the school nurse and kissing his injuries better. Pato always made YN laugh, and made sure she was never sad, no matter what happened in YN’s life, Pato was there everyday to make her smile.

As they got older their relationship changed, it lost a little bit of their childish innocence, but they grew so much closer. YN was at Pato’s first win in karting, and she was more excited than he was. When YN’s childhood dog died, Pato was at her house at 6:00 AM and spent the whole day with her, trying to cheer her up. They’d even started their own holiday traditions, every year on Christmas Eve, the two of them spent the day making cookies together and exchanged presents. YN had practically become family, she didn’t have the best home life, and the entire O’Ward family was so loving that she ended up spending more time with them than her actual family.

The two dated for a few months in eighth grade, and were each other’s first kiss, but when Pato began racing for F4 and was in France every weekend the two agreed it was best they just stayed friends. Since then that is all they had been, things in YN’s home got significantly worse as they went through high school and despite whatever Pato may have felt, he knew she needed his friendship and wasn’t willing to risk their relationship.

With Pato coming up through Indycar and YN being a full time student and having a job, it was easy to assume the two would drift after high school, that was never the case. They still saw each other everytime Pato was in Texas and Pato made sure YN made a couple of races every year. She remained his biggest supporter as he went from her hometown best friend to the most popular driver in Indycar.

Fast forward to now, things were going pretty perfect for Pato. He finally won the 500, he’s about to win the championship, and he’s got a great girlfriend, Maria. He figures he’ll marry her, he does love her, she’s supportive and nice and insanely hot. They’ve been dating for over a year and things have been going really well. The only time they’ve ever really fought is over YN, when she found out there was a “history” between them, and in hindsight Pato realizes maybe he should’ve told her sooner, but he never really thought about it. Yeah they’d dated for a few months a lifetime ago, but she’s always just been his YN, he doesn’t even think of her like that anymore. YN was one of the most sure things in his life, and sure for awhile he always thought what if?, but that was in the past.

All that being said, he didn’t think twice about inviting her to Nashville to watch him possibly win the championship. YN wasn’t able to make it to the 500, or any other race this year, and he wished she was there. She knew more than anyone how much this had meant to him, coming up after losses she was always the person he went to, and he wanted her to see him now that it had all been worth it. YN was reluctant to come, but after a lot of begging from Pato she agreed.

Thursday night he made sure everyone he invited out came to dinner with him at a steakhouse. There were 20 people at the restaurant, but Pato ended up with Maria sitting next to him and YN sitting across next to Elba. Maybe Pato should’ve realized it, the tension in her shoulders and how Maria’s smile tightened as he laughed at YN’s jokes, but he didn’t. So Maria sat there all night, and she really tried to be understanding, but she felt as if she was third-wheeling her own relationship. She had to listen to a million inside jokes she didn’t understand, and watch as his family fawned over YN.

It was at that dinner she realized that she’d spent a year dating a taken man. Pato was too good of a man, she knew he wasn’t doing it on purpose, but it became undeniable. As she watched him, she realized everything she felt for him, he felt for the woman across the table. At first she felt possessive, the need to prove that he was her partner, and that no matter what he’d chosen her over YN, but as time passed she felt less possessive and realized that there was no way to continue the relationship. It wasn’t fair to her, she deserved a man who loved her and only her, and Pato deserved to be with the person he loves.

After the dinner, they headed back to the hotel where Pato, who was utterly clueless of her realization, continued to be the perfect man, only making it so much harder for Maria to leave. She didn’t know how long she should let it go on for, if she broke things off now would she be getting in his head and ruining the weekend for him? Would continuing a relationship she’s already checking out of be just as cruel? Could she stand the rest of the weekend watching her boyfriend making heart eyes at another woman?

After sleeping on it, or rather not sleeping very much at all, she’d come to the conclusion that a clean break was best for everyone. They ordered breakfast to the room and as they sat at the small dinette she knew she had to bring it up.

Pato was halfway done with his breakfast, but she hadn’t eaten much at all, mostly just pushing her food around with her fork. “Pato, I think we need to talk.”

It’s rare that she’s this serious, and Pato knows that can’t be good, his silverware clatters as he sets it down and looks up at her. “Uh oh, what’s wrong?”

She hesitates for a moment, not knowing the best way to start the conversation. “It’s YN.”

Pato’s shocked, he doesn’t know what he expected but it wasn’t that, “What about YN?”

She figures there’s no reason to beat around the bush, “You’re in love with her.”

Pato’s a lot of things, surprised for sure, but also shockingly defensive and angry. “What? Babe, that’s ridiculous. I know you were upset about us in middle school, but I swear there’s nothing going on! I would never even think about cheating on you!”

She rested her hand on top of his, “I know you would never cheat on me, and I know you said there’s nothing and I believe you, but I saw the way you looked at her, and how she fit into your life, and it makes so much sense because you love her.”

Pato doesn’t really know what to say to that, “I love you.”

“But you are in love with her. Listen I love you, Pato, and you’re such a good man, but it’s not fair to either of us to continue this relationship. Not when your heart clearly isn’t in it.” Maria struggles over her words, voice cracking and eyes watering, but a soft smile is on her face as she says them.

“Are you saying what I think you are? You’re just giving up?”

“Pato, I’m letting you free, tell her how you feel, you deserve that kind of love.”

And maybe what she’s saying finally resonates with him because the best thing he says is, “I never meant to hurt you.”

She lets out a broken laugh at that, a single tear rolling down her face, “Oh, Pato, you never could, we aren’t meant for each other, but we still had a lot of fun, right?” He nods at her.

After that she’s on a plane and back to her home before he knows it. Pato’s sad, he feels a little empty, someone who had been such a big part in his life just walked out leaving the biggest mess in her wake. He thought about her words, but shook them off. He loved YN, of course he did, but it wasn’t like that, she was like a sister to him.

Although it’s not his sister he messages asking if she wants to come over. YN is at his hotel room within a minute of him sending the “you busy?” text. YN asks where Maria is, but all he has to say is “gone.” and YN knows to drop it.

YN knows him better than anyone, knows that he has an irrational fear of being destined to fail at every relationship. She knows he has never actually broken up with a girl, only ever been broken up with, and she knows he spent over two years single because he was afraid of being hurt. But she also knows that there’s no way anyone could spend more than an hour with him and not be in love with him, God knows she is.

It’s the way he knows her, inside and out, but it’s also the way he makes everyone around him laugh, and spends hours interacting with his fans to make them all happy, and how caring he is with animals and babies. YN is only human, how is she supposed to feel when her insanely attractive best friend is doting over her niece?

YN puts it all aside because she’s his best friend first, she’d made that promise to herself a long time ago and she’s always kept it. She sits with him and watches Friends reruns with him, he’ll talk when he wants to, but until then she’ll be by his side.

They don’t end up talking, the one good channel the hotel room has switches from Friends to Modern Family, and then Pato has to go practice. A quick google search helps her find the best tacos in Nashville, so while he’s gone she runs out to get them dinner. They had dinner plans with his parents and Elba, but YN texted Elba long ago to let her know that plans were changing. He’s a superstar, so of course he doesn’t let his life affect him and it still the fastest person in the first practice, YN thinks that’s a good sign.

When he returns he seems to be a little better, talking to YN about track conditions over their dinner. YN has had enough of waiting for Pato to bring it up, and she can tell he’s feeling better, so she has to work up the courage to ask him what happened.

“Are you going to tell me what happened with Maria or am I supposed to guess?”

His smile drops, turning into one that’s much smaller and forced. “She just left.”

“No explanation? She just woke up and was gone?”

“Oh, she had an explanation but it was bullshit. She probably just got tired of me, it's no big deal.”

YN furrows her brows at that. “Pato stop it, you’re so great anyone would be so lucky to be with you. Maybe there was some merit behind what she said.”

“Well she said I was in love with you, but I told her so many times we’re just friends and that’s all we’ll ever be.”

YN’s stomach sinks at that, it’s not like she expected him to confess his love, but he didn’t need to friendzone her that hard. “Oh.” Is all she can think to say.

“I mean you’re great, but you’re like a sister to me!”

YN forces out a laugh, “Right.” She also can’t help but feel like maybe it’s her fault this all happened, was her pining really that obvious? “Well then, she’s stupid for leaving because she’s not going to find anyone better.”

Pato’s smile is genuine for the first time since the conversation started, “Thank you, you’re the best friend I could’ve asked for.”

“Right, and don’t forget that when you’re trying to figure out what to do with all your championship earnings.”

He lets out a real laugh at that, a stark contrast to how mopey he’d been the rest of the day. “One, greedy, and two, I’m not buying you anything else. I'm tired of you getting mad when I spend money on you.”

“Pato, a graduation gift is fifty bucks, not a two thousand dollar tennis bracelet.”

He leans back in his seat and shrugs, smirking as he says, “Yet I’ve never seen you not wearing the bracelet.”

YN’s eyes go to her wrist where, sure enough, the bracelet was, just like everyday for the past three years. When Pato gave her the bracelet she refused to take it, saying it was too much and he needed to return it. After arguing for ten minutes she thought he’d finally agreed to take the bracelet back, but found it later sitting on her dresser. “What can I say? You have good taste.”

The rest of the night mirrored the morning, but had a much different tone, the two of them sat sprawled out on the couch quoting the episodes of Friends that were on, having seen them so many times they were known by heart.

When YN went to her own hotel room Pato realized how empty the place felt again, something he hadn’t noticed all day. He chose not to think too hard about how effortlessly YN took up space in his life.

The next morning, Pato had already scheduled to have everyone meet in the lobby so he could take them to the track for the day. YN had clearly told everyone about Maria because despite some odd looks no one asked about her and he was grateful for that. He didn’t think twice when everyone began to split into different cars and he pulled YN along with him, or when they arrived at the track and Pato sent most people up into a suite, but brought YN and his immediate family to the pits. Maybe that’s how it’s always been, and how it’s supposed to be.

Pato gets swept up in work for the rest of the day and YN gets to spend some real time with her second family. As soon as they’re alone, Elba doesn’t hesitate to start interrogating her.

“What happened with Maria?”

“Apparently she told Pato he’s in love with me and just left.” YN shrugs as she says it, still a little puzzled by the whole thing.

“Huh.”

“What? No ‘huh’ I know what that means just tell me what you’re thinking.”

“I just thought Maria knew by now and didn’t care, maybe she’s not as smart as I gave her credit for.”

“What do you mean? Knew what?”

“Come on, YN, Pato’s been in love with you since you were nine, I wouldn’t want to be dating him.”

YN is struggling to process what she’s hearing, and automatically turns to deflection. “He is not.”

“Oh my god.” Elba starts giggling maniacally.

YN has no clue what could be funny, “What!?”

“You’re in love with him too!”

“I am not!” Despite her refusal, YN can feel and Elba can see the heat rising up her neck.

“You totally are! All this time I thought you had to know it’s so obvious, I mean, he follows you around like a puppy, but you had no idea!”

“Ok, keep your voice down.” YN puts her hand over Elba’s mouth really not wanting anyone else to hear their conversation. “Even if I did like him, and I’m not saying I do, he does not feel the same. I mean you should’ve heard how hard he friendzoned me yesterday.”

Elba looks sympathetic then, “Babe, I think my brother has spent so long denying himself what he wants he doesn’t even know what that is anymore. I love him dearly, but relationships are not his strong suit.”

“Then I guess we’re at a stalemate because I am certainly not going to be the one to ruin our friendship.”

Elba’s exasperated, “Oh my god, you two are exhausting!”

By the time Elba finished her intervention, qualifying finished resulting in Pato getting the pole. Mclaren has been dominant the last few weekends, and this weekend is no different with all three cars in the fast six. Pato is in the driver’s lot, getting ready to head back to the hotel, everyone else had dispersed from the track, and Felix has tracked down Pato and is calling after him.

“Hey, Felix! What’s up?”

“Bro, you’re about to win this fucking thing.” There’s nothing but excitement from Felix for his best friend.

“I know, I just hope tomorrow is a clean race and we can bring this thing home.”

“You’ve got this, I know it. Hey, where’s Maria been all day?” Felix says it like he’s just realizing she’s not around.

“Who knows. Yesterday morning she woke up determined that I’m secretly in love with YN and got on the next plane out.”

“So you guys are done?”

“Yeah about as done as you can be.”

“And YN?”

“YN is my best friend.”

“No, I'm your best friend.”

“Sorry, Fro, even you lose to YN.”

“I don’t want to win what YN is winning.”

Pato rolls his eyes and stomps his foot, huffing, “And what exactly is YN winning?”

Felix puts his hands up in self-defense, “Listen, all I’m saying is if you looked at me like you do YN, I think Emille would feel threatened.”

“Very funny.” Pato kicks the ground, staring at his shoe, he thinks about his relationship with Felix versus his with YN, sure it’s different, but him and YN have so much history. “Look, I don’t know what I feel for YN, but I don’t care either because she’s too important as a friend for me to lose her.”

“Mate you’ve been practically dating for years, I don’t think making it official will ruin anything.”

With that last piece of advice Felix takes off, leaving Pato alone with his thoughts. The whole drive back to the hotel and the rest of the night he spent thinking about YN. If everyone closest to him is saying one thing, how could they all be wrong? He thinks about everything they’ve been through together.

His first win in karting when she was the first person he ran to when he got out of the car; how she comes to every family reunion and often traveled to Mexico to spend time with his family; their senior prom when she was sad about not having a date, but she was the most gorgeous woman he’d ever seen that night; except for Christmas mornings when she’s in her pajamas and he gets to watch her eyes light up as they answer presents together. Maybe it’s been in front of him all along. What’s been missing from all of his other relationships has been right there.

It’s a lot to take in, but it doesn’t really matter because, like he told Felix, he wouldn’t risk their friendship if she doesn’t feel the same. He can handle a trail of failed relationships, but he could never handle losing YN. He went to bed that night knowing he had to just focus on the race and on bringing home the championship.

The next morning he’s awoken by a knock on the door. “Patricio! Open up, room service!”

He knows who’s behind the door before he opens it, there’s only one person who cares enough to bring him breakfast. When he lets YN in he sees the bag full of takeout food from a nearby diner. “Breakfast of champions, for the champion.”

Of course she’s already decided he’s a champion before the race. No one has ever believed in him as much as her. “Calm down, I don't want you to jinx me.”

“Au contraire my friend, a jinx would mean you’re winning by luck, and you are winning by sheer talent.”

It always amazes him how smart she is in the morning, he knows no more than 5 words for a solid hour after waking up, and she’s always speaking a million words a minute. “7AM is too early to be speaking another language.”

“Aw, pobrecito, ¿estás cansado?” She knew very minimal spanish, but had picked some up from time spent with his family, and used it pretty exclusively to tease him.

“You’re so not funny my brain hurts.” He is slouched over the table with his head resting on his arms.

She begins to unpack the food in front of him, “Alright, come on, time to wake up you’ve got a big day.”

The smell of eggs and bacon is what gets him to lift his head and start eating. He tries not to focus on the fact that she got him exactly what he eats every race day because that’s a can of worms he doesn’t want to touch. Regardless he eats the meal, and is sad when she pulls out her pancakes and begins to eat with him. She offers him a bite which he takes, but they both know he won’t eat any more than that because he doesn’t like big meals before a race.

After they finish, YN starts picking up their trash and Pato thanks her, “You take such good care of me, can’t believe you brought me breakfast I’m not worthy.” She’s glad for her back being turned to him because she can feel how much she’s blushing.

The rest of the day goes by in a blur, leave it to YN to be the eye in his hurricane, bringing calm before the storm. The race was close, a shitty pit stop meant Pato had to make some big passes to make up position, but Pato ended up pulling away with the final race win of the season and the championship.

YN and Elba leave the suite a few laps early so they can be on pit lane when he gets the win. After his victory lap and celebratory donuts he pulls into pit lane. Immediately his crew is flooding around him as he struggles to get out. Once he does there’s a giant group hug around Pato. Rossi and Fro also both make their way to his pits to congratulate him.

When Felix pulls Pato into a hug he whispers into his ear, “Why haven’t you gone to your girl yet, she’s waiting for you.”

Felix’s words had weight to them, all these people were surrounding him, but none of them had been on this journey with him as long as her. She waited for him for the last 15 years while he chased a career and different women, and now he’s at the peak of his career, having everything he ever wanted, and she’s not the one by his side. It hits him like a ton of bricks how bad he wants her to be the one celebrating this win with him, and every win for the rest of his life. Walking over to YN he pulls her into a hug, hoping that everything he’s feeling can be conveyed through the touch.

YN is in his ear, “I’m so proud of you, I always knew you could do it.”

He can’t find the right words, so all he says is, “I’m so glad you’re here.” he’ll explain later.

Holding her in front of thousands of people, Pato isn’t scared of losing their friendship anymore. He’s not sure of a lot, but he knows they’ll be ok, and that he’s loved her since before he knew what love was.

[blakeswritingimagines]

Wiping Away A Kiss

Quinn Hughes: He would react with a mix of amusement and affection. He would probably chuckle and playfully swat at your hand, teasingly telling you to stop. At the same time, he would feel a sense of warmth and affection for you, knowing that you are just enjoying your time together. He might even playfully kiss your hand or face to retaliate, just to keep the fun and flirty banter going between you.

Jack Hughes: If you played around and wiped his kisses off with a playful gesture, he would laugh and playfully pretend to be upset. He'd jokingly tell you how it's unfair to mess with his affections and playfully act like he's hurt by the action. He'd probably then laugh about it, pull you close, and give you another big, affectionate kiss.

Luke Hughes: If you playfully wipe off his kisses, he would likely respond by laughing and playfully trying to kiss you again. He may tease you a little bit and act mock offended, then grin and laugh as he playfully tries to lean in for another kiss. He'll playfully joke with you and say something like "What, you don't love my kisses?" or "Am I not the best kisser you've ever had?"

Nico Hischier: When you playfully wipes off his kisses, he'd playfully pout and try to give you more kisses. He might jokingly pretend to be offended, but in reality, he finds it endearing and playful. He'll playfully protest and try to give you more kisses, saying something like, "Hey, you're not allowed to wipe that off! I gave you a kiss, and you're supposed to keep it!"

Timo Meier: If you playfully wiped off his kisses, he would likely respond playfully as well. He might playfully pretend to be hurt and say something like "Oh, you're rejecting my kisses? I see how it is." Or he might try to steal another kiss and say something like "Oh, you thought I didn't see you try to wipe off my love! Well, you underestimated me!" It's all just in good fun and a playful way of showing affection.

Dawson Mercer: If you playfully wiped off his kisses, he might react playfully too, perhaps trying to playfully "steal" another kiss, while smiling and playfully bantering about it. He might tease you a little, or even make a silly pouty face, pretending to be "hurt" or "disappointed" by the gesture. He'll make a lighthearted comment about how he'll have to redouble his efforts to win your heart again.

John Marino: if you playfully wipes off his kisses, he has a good sense of humor and would likely have a big smile on his face. He would find it cute and amusing, and appreciate your playful and affectionate nature. Maybe he would jokingly chase after you and attempt to give you more kisses.

Kirby Dach: He would likely react with a mixture of amusement and affection. He might chuckle and playfully protest, saying something like, "Hey! Don't wipe off my kisses!" He would also appreciate the gesture, finding it sweet and lighthearted. He would likely continue trying to give kisses and playfully bantering with you in a loving and affectionate manner.

Juraj Slafkovsky: If you playfully wipe off his kisses, he would smile and laugh along with you. He would probably playfully pretend to be offended, like pouting or looking sad, even though he knows it's just a joke. Then, he may try to steal another kiss, or playfully tease you about it later

Arber Xhekaj: He would react to you playfully wiping off his kisses with a playful grin and a teasing quip. He would probably say something along the lines of "oh no, you're erasing my kisses! I'll have to give you even more!" He would then playfully chase after you, giving you quick kisses on the cheek or neck as he tries to "retake" his kisses.

Cole Caufield: When you playfully wipes off the kisses he gave you, he can't help but smile and feel a little mischievous. He loves it when you try to tease him like that! It's like a playful game between you. He might even playfully say, "Hey!" or "Don't wipe that off!" in a playful manner. He might even give them a goofy or silly grin, depending on the mood. It's a fun and playful way to show affection and flirt with each other.

Trevor Zegras: When you playfully wipe off his kisses with a cheeky smile, he feels a mix of amusement and affection. He may playfully pout or protest, but deep down, he loves your playful banter. He might even playfully chase after you to plant another kiss, continuing your silly and affectionate moment together.

Jamie Drysdale: Whenever you playfully wipe off his kisses, he usually reacts with a smile and a flirtatious response. He might playfully tease back and ask you why you don't want to be kissed by such a handsome guy, or he might simply lean in again for another kiss and playfully try to make it harder for you to wipe it off.

Matt Rempe: If you playfully wiped off his kisses, he would likely react with amusement and affection. He would probably playfully pretend to be offended, but he would appreciate the playfulness and the affectionate gesture. He might laugh and jokingly try to kiss you again, perhaps getting pretend revenge by grabbing you and kissing you all over your face until you surrender and give in to his affections.