there are a lot of posts out there that are positive and healthy coping mechanisms for handling the holidays. this is not one of them :)
i think there's like. going to be times in your life you will be stuck in a social situation that you cannot escape from gracefully. i do not know why the internet doesn't believe these times exist. it's not always just that your physical safety is at risk - sometimes it's legit like "i just don't currently have the energy or time to put in the effort of responding to this." sometimes it's a coworker you hate so much. sometimes it's just like, fine, you know? like you know you can handle your aunt when she's cheerily horrible, but if you actually set a boundary around her, it's going to be weeks of fallout with your father.
i don't know why people think the answer is always just "cut them out!" or "don't let them get away with that!" because ... the real world is tricky and complicated. i think kind of a lot of us have an internal "radiation poisoning" meter for certain people. like - i'm talking about the ones who are absolutely giving you gradual ick damage. like, you can handle them, but you'll be exhausted.
and yes. you absolutely should listen to your therapist and the good posts about handling others and set good boundaries and take care of yourself. prioritize peace.
HOWEVER :) ...... since im often in a situation with a Gradual Sense of Ick person i cannot just "cut out" of my life (without losing someone else precious to me) - i have sort of developed the most. maladaptive form of mischief possible. because like, if i'm going to have to listen to this shit again, i like to have a little bit of private fun with it.
now! again, i am physically safe, just mentally drained by this man. you should only do this with people you are not in danger with. which leads me to my suggestions for when your Unfortunate Acquaintance shows up and says oh everyone pay attention to me.
my favorite word is "maybe!" said as brightly and happily as possible. whenever the Horrible Person starts in on a topic you do not want to go further with, particularly if they make a claim that you know to be inaccurate, do not respond to it. you and i have both tried to actually argue with this person, and it hasn't gone well, because this person just wants the drama of an argument. however, "maybe!" gives them literally nothing to go on. it is incredibly disarming. they are used to people having some response. they know they can't prove what they're saying, and maybe! treats them like the child they are. it dismisses them in the politest way possible.
i like to say maybe! and then, in their stunned silence, immediately change the subject. this is because i have adhd and i will have something unrelated to talk about, but if you can't think of topics fast enough, i recommend just pointing to something and saying, "isn't that lovely?" because fuck you let's bring in some positivity.
by the way. that second trick - of pointing to something and stating an opinion about it? - that just works on its own, like, 70% of the time. i picked it up from teaching preschoolers. it's an intentional "redirect". it stops children crying and it also stops grown adults from finishing their explanation on why women belong in kitchens. dual wielding!
keep it silly for yourself. i absolutely do not care if people think i'm fucking stupid (it's more fun if they do) and as a result i will purposefully misunderstand things just to see how long it takes them to realize i've completely removed them from the subject at hand. when they say "women aren't funny" i get to be like. "which women." "all women." "all women in america?" "no in the world." "like the mole people? the people in the world?" "what? no. like, alive." "oh are we not counting the mole people?" "what the fuck are you talking about." "you don't believe in the mole people?"
similarly, i play a personal game called "one up me." my Evil Acquaintance literally knows this game exists (my family & friends caught onto it and now also play it) and it always fucking gets him. i don't know why. you have to be willing to be a little free-spirited on this one, though. the trick is that when they make one of those horrible little bigoted or annoying comments they are always making, you need to go one unit weirder. not more intense, mind you - just more weird. "you don't look good in that dress." "yeah, actually, my other dress was covered in squid ink due to a mishap at the soup store." "you shouldn't wear such revealing clothes." "wait, what? oh shit. sorry, your son tears off strips when no one is looking and eats them. i swear it was longer before we left the building."
the point of "one up me" is to completely upend this person's narrative. we both know this person likes setting up situations where you cannot "win" and then they really like telling other people how badly you handled it. in a usual situation, if you respond "please don't say something that rude", you're a bitch. but if you let it happen, you're letting yourself be debased. they are not usually expecting door number three: unflappably odd. because what are they going to say when they're telling everyone how badly you behaved? "she said my son eats her dresses" ".... okay?"
if you can, form an allyship with someone whomst you can tagteam with. where they can pick up on your weird "soup store" story and run with it.
the following phrase is amazing and can be deployed for any situation: "oh, be nice :) it's the holidays!" i do not know why this works as often as it does. i'll say it for the most random shit. i think this is bc most of the time these people know they're being impolite, they just like to fight.
godbless. when in doubt, remember that you could always start stealing their pens.
the whole point of this is - if you can't escape. maybe see how long you can just be. like. a horrible little menace.
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one sentence(ish) summaries of every magnus archive episode PART 2
(eps 61-110) thank u for the funny comments and tags on the last part i love u guys
the rest of these may take a while as i've caught up to where i am currently in the podcast but i will finish them like in a month i promise
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61. the thrilling sequel to man does not open coffin: man DOES open coffin.
62. surely this doctor can find an easier way to scam people out of money than putting them in a little book.
63. THE DARK ATE MY BROTHER IN LAW.
64. this is possibly the plot of laura croft tomb raider
65. mmm crumchy
66. what's the opposite of an unboxing video
67. as close to a coffeeshop au as you're going to get from this podcast
68. Doctors hate him! Man REFUSES to die from tuberculosis!
69. your college's psych department has the worst idea ever.
70. reverse death note
71. not even death will stop this woman from taking the british subway
72. man doesn't want to be low key racist in his last moments before getting eaten
73. police versus the second coming of dark jesus
74. lady is haunted by an ad for coffee
75. mike crew says "uh fuck it let's just put this guy on a skyscraper forever"
76. ryan from buzzfeed unsolved breaks into a train yard and suffers consequences
77. you're not a enough of a bitch to be my real mom
78. man gets harassed by his cousin and then exorcises him
79. you know that chase scene in scooby doo with the doors
80. stupid idiot motherfucking jurgen leitner
81. i have been personally victimized by the sequel to the hungry hungry caterpillar
82. pov: elias threatens to cancel you
83. mannequin takes matters into its own hands after people don't like its pitch for a new window display
84. a hoarder put newspaper on my friend's face :(
85. hey there's maybe a little man upon these stairs?
86. man gets got by a squiggly thing in the dark.
87. plumber is so oblivious to spooky happenings around him that it possibly saves his life.
88. guys i think this guy likes to dig
89. lesbian investment banker finds a new, less evil job: arson!
90. guy who turns people's bones starts a gym where he promises not to turn your bones! (he is lying)
91. i was stalked by lightning for 10 years and i all i got were these stupid scars
92. jonah magnus is a bad friend // another day another elias slay
93. ocd is no match for purple fuzz
94. let the bodies drop gently to the floor let the bodies drop gently to the floor
95. im so sorry my brain refuses to remember what the war ones were about but i think one guy got gently kissed on the forehead so that's pretty nice.
96. diversity wins! the not-quite-human delivery men who stole your identity and business are maybe gay?
97. man gets gaslighted by an entire town about a hole
98. 🎶mister sandman bring me a dream, actually don't, please stay far from me 🎶
99. another one bites the dust
100. archival assistants face off against the general public (they lose)
101. jon finally levels up high enough to unlock an eldritch horror's tragic backstory
102. LOCAL MAN MARRIES BUG
103. peppa eats a clown and they cover her in concrete instead of congratulating her.
104. pennywise stole my brother's skin
105. it's world war z baby
106. Something Big Is In Space.
107. man is interrogated about the time he saw thomas the train roasts people alive and also sans is there
108. actor is stalked by mask who liked his monologue so much that it tells its mask friends to come watch.
109. sometimes a family is just a serial killer's daughter and that guy who maybe killed some vampires
110. yeah man those spiders be eating
Part 1 |
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