#(aNYWAY I keep thinking of all my international friends my childhood friends etc.)

[writingmia]

In defense of Jason Grace

I have seen many people through the years say they hate Jason, that Jason is their least favourite character in the series, etc. and all of their reasoning is because he's 'boring'. I admit, when I first read those books, I was feeling the same way. I wasn't the biggest Jason fan and I didn't think I would be. I even judged my friends for liking him, when there were other 'obvious' choices for favourite characters. Now, years later, I'm no longer 12 reading those books for the first time and I see Jason in a completely different perspective I would like to share.

Jason Grace was a child without childhood. He was taken from his family at two years old and taken to the Wold House, where he couldn't show weakness because then he would be seen as food - you cannot show weakness when you're being trained by Lupa. Which immediately strikes us with a, frankly horrifying, thought - Jason's first memories won't be of his mother, who wasn't the greatest parent anyway, or his sister Thalia, who loved him so much. It would be of what he was taught in a life-or-death situation, that you cannot show weakness. That's important to remember for later.

Jason also has had to carry an incredibly heavy burden since he first joined Camp Jupiter - he's the son of Jupiter, the King of the Gods. We have experienced first-hand what it felt like for Percy to have to go through being a child of the Big Three, but please keep in mind that when that happened, Percy was already 12 and he was a child of Poseidon. I'm not trying to say one of them had it harder than the other, because context is very important, but simply putting things into a perspective - Jason, a child who can't remember his family is put on a pedestal because of who his father is, with expectations being placed upon him immediately, as a, presumably, young child who has just been taught that life is either be strong or die.

And then, despite all of that, he decides that he will join the Fifth Cohort because he wants to write his own destiny, and because he wants to restore their honour. He's not only going against what others would expect from him, including his father, but he's also claiming a goal others perceive as impossible just to prove a point. Not a very boring thing to do, is it?

To continue adding to the list of things that Jason has done to prove that he isn't the prince-like, spoiled boring white guy some people in the fandom see him as, I want to talk more about the things Jason cannonically does at Camp Jupiter. He becomes friends with the 'least popular kids' because everyone else expects they would have to treat him like royalty, he goes on small quests that don't mean much because he doesn't want to be that hero and savior that's expected of him. He follows rules as to not appear spoiled, and even with his rule-following he appears to be 'unconventional' by Roman standards. He's the son of Jupiter, who's doing everything in his power to not conform.

And despite all that, he still manages to use his status to do what he thinks is right. Despite his efforts, he still ends up being the undoubted leader while everyone else is a follower. He listens to all sides, he tries to mediate to the best of his abilities. In his attempts to make everyone else an equal, he puts himself above them and makes them look at him for mediation and decision-making. For the twelve years he spends at Camp, he has eyes constantly on him, judging him, expecting things from him.

Now remember when I said that Jason tried to go to meaningless quests? Yeah, you can guess that didn't really work for him. Canonically, he has gone to many quests, including some that had been appointed to him by gods, such as Bacchus, so he was fairly unsuccessful there as well. And remember when I said that he was raised by a wolf to not show any weakness? I feel like at this point it should be pretty clear he internalized that, a lot.

I get why the debate 'who's stronger, Jason or Percy' happens in the fandom, but it doesn't mean it annoys me any less. Because most of the time, the only arguments are pointing out Percy's strengths and we're forgetting that Jason does some pretty incredible things as well. Jason, like Percy, also fought a Titan single-handedly, and won. What we know from canon about it, it's that he did it with sword-fighting and, interestingly, hand-to-hand combat, which is what the books mainly focus on when talking about his feat. Jason went up against a Titan and smacked him with his bare hands enough times that he won. And in the entire fight, Jason using his powers is not mentioned once. Which is a pretty constant thing, if I might add, but I'll delve into that more later.

Again, a common mischaracterization I see in the fandom is that Jason is this strictly rule-following, rigid, stick-in-his-ass guy, when he really isn't. One of the main things about him is that he's too relaxed for Camp Jupiter. After the war, when he tried to change things about Camp, he was unsuccessful because Camp Jupiter is too traditional and Jason's ideas weren't conforming to that.

And of course, it was Jason who welcomed the two kids of Pluto (Hades for Nico but you get my point) to Camp. I feel like it should be pretty clear to you why at this point, but let me repeat - Jason knows the pressures of being a child of The Big Three, and Jason isn't afraid to be friends with the 'not cool' kids, with the people who are looked at as weird or that are treated as outcasts. He does some of it out of spite, yes, but he was what, fourteen? Thirteen? At the time. That level of emotional maturity for a barely teenager is surprising as is.

Also, can we note that Hazel describes Jason as closed-off, hard to read and 'more of a legend than a man'. This thirteen/fourteen year old? This should be enough to tell you how Jason was treated and raised and why he is the way he is. 'Boring', because this child needs to be an example for an entire camp that has placed him in that position he didn't want in the first place but felt guilty and responsible to take. When Percy was thirteen-fourteen, he was being an ass to Tyson (which he later regrets, yes) and fights with Thalia (which they stop doing, yes) and Camp Half-Blood still sees him as more of an annoyance than a hero at that point. That doesn't change for Percy until The Battle of the Labyrinth. Jason never had that. He was spotlight leader from the second he was at camp.

He also didn't have an Annabeth and Grover, at least that we're explicidly told about, and his closest person was Reyna, who also had a crush on him, so who was Jason's platonic best friend in Camp that he could rely on for anything? We don't know. Maybe because he didn't have one? I'm just putting that idea out there.

Now, I will try to be more brief on Jason in the series, but with the speed with which we're going, that is kind of unlikely. First and foremost, Jason is an amnesiac who never gets his memories fully back. I want to focus so much of your attention on this. Jason wakes up and he doesn't remember, excuse my swearing, jack shit. He doesn't know who he is, what's his favourite colour, what music he likes, nothing. Nada. He is then told, again, he's the son of Zeus, he is sent on a quest with people who don't actually know him but have expectations for him, while he still doesn't remember anything. He is also fifteen. He is a child that people are judging for being 'too boring' of a character. Well excuse him for not having any memories so he can have a proper personality!

Excuse me, I'm getting a bit heated here. I feel I'm making valid points though. Because Jason's story keeps repeating - he goes to Camp, people start looking at him like he might become the new Percy or some variation of that, he has these friends with false memories of him, he is also trying to save the world in the meantime. I'm very sorry he doesn't have time to figure out his personality in the meantime.

This is what I think is the most tragic about Jason's character - he doesn't have the time to figure out who he is truly is because he's too busy helping everyone else, even if what he's helping with is stopping the end of the world. He is a hero of the Great Prophecy, which again links with his destiny and how there's no escaping it and he, again, doesn't have any choice in what happens. He was unconventional for Camp Jupiter because of his disregard for tradition, but he's not fully accepted in Camp Half-Blood either because he's still a Roman demigod.

And then the Burning Maze happens and we don't talk about it because Uncle Rick hates us. I refuse to read that book because if I don't, then Jason is happy and alive.

We should note, though, that Jason and Piper have broken up. And I believe the only reason they ever dated was because Piper had that expectation of Jason, and we've already established how he was raised. He is a people-pleaser because that's what he's had to be for his entire life. He can't disappoint people, because then he would feel guilty, and so I believe he gaslit himself into thinking he liked Piper romantically because otherwise he would have to hurt her. And I do believe Leo and Piper are the first real friends Jason has made, at least those who see him as truly human, and so he didn't want to lose Piper. So, he made her and himself believe he liked her and started dating her. I think he would've done the same with Reyna if he'd remained in Camp Jupiter, for the same reasons - expectations. He also has raging abandonment issues, so. Double fuck there.

In summary, because of his personality and parentage, Jason has never had the choice to put himself first. He hates the framework in which he's put by being the son of Jupiter, but he swallows that for the sake of others.

Well that was quite the rant. I have more to say, but this is already too long. After this post, I have become a Jason Grace stan. If, one day, he has no fans, it's because I have died. Jason Grace is my son and he's very much alive, thank you (not you, Rick Riordan. I don't thank you). Anyway, please like this post? I would super appreciate it. I would also love a discussion! - mia

[makingspiritualityreal]

Hi 🌻 Hope you are rocking in life right now! (This might get a bit dark..includes mentions of deaths and violence..but none have my involvement, just experiences)

I had a curious question and I wonder if I could understand it better if you had some insights to share.

So..since my Rahu md started, I had quite a few experiences with death. Not of close ones or anything, just in general..as if I have become more "aware" and "sensitive" towards death. Let me elaborate. I wasn't the type who was into watching news or such, but I became too emotionally involved with 1) death of a woman (absolute stranger I saw on tv) who was brutally murdered and whose body was cut into several pieces and disposed by her live-in partner. I saw myself in her and cried for days.

2) death of a girl (saw on youtube, happened 10 years or so back, definitely was a murder ...she was strangled.. but still nobody knows who killed her..strangely, her own parents were convicted and had been serving the prison sentence..they still claim they didnt kill her .but things were sus)

3) suicide of a celebrity (which some people think could have been murdered) this man rose to fame from rags

4) suicide of younger brother of my brother's childhood friend ( a year back) . This was too close. I didnt know him personally, but it did leave an impact on me.

5) death of a girl who lived on the first floor of my building. Again, I dont know her, but she was of my age and her parents claimed she was sick and some people are saying she was murdered by her own parents.

6) weird burnt meat smell I am getting these days from the front door of my house, every evening following her death..which is really weird because never happened before.

7) seeing from my window, dead bodies being carried in covens on the street.

8) my vivid dream of the Parsian Tower of silence and a gruesome dead body whose internals were being eaten by birds.

9) seeing a group of street dogs brutally ripping apart a cat, at night.

10) witnessing a gang fight where a group of weirdos struck their own member's head with a rock over some argument or something (damn, I had never imagined it existed in real life)

These are some of my experiences that have left an imprint on my mind. I am not paranoid, and I accept death (not to forget, the death of my ego..several times, over the past few years and how my reality keeps shifting and changing). I do see a recurring theme of the "head" being severed or involvement of parental figures..but I am not certain.

During the initial months of the rahu or ending period of mars, I admit, I was a bit hopeless and lost and did fantasise about dying. I don't do that anymore and think we will die someday anyway. I have resolved to see this body as a means of divine manifestation and work.

So my question is, what themes do you see in these experiences of mine? Any nakshatra imbalance or prominence you feel is going on? What strikes your mind when you hear about these? It would be nice if there is some astrological aspects that seem to be playing out for it would make much more sense and give a direction to my perspective.

Deeply grateful for all of your work.

May we all find true happiness and look after ourselves with ease.

You didn't give me any details of your Rahu or your chart in general that could give me an indication of what causes such a result. Certain Nakshatras definitely have a tendency to produce such results, but it depends on the house, aspect etc.

Every Mars or Rahu in every chart is different, so each dasha will produce a different result and there is a number of chart factors that will determine that, making a Rahu dasha unique for everyone. You can't associate any of the events you mentioned just with these Grahas, much less interpret anything that happened to you without astrological context.

Everything that happens to us is for a reason. Death for one person will mean something else than it does for another. These events exist for a reason in your life, but that's why we have Astrology to help us decipher what we should be looking for and what is life trying to teach us.

The theme of Rahu in general, as you can find in many of my articles, is developing cold blood. After the strategizing of Mars, we take our tactical tendencies to a new level. As a malefic, Rahu teaches us about the ultimate meaninglessness of certain attachments and gives us a brutal reality check. That is initially painful, but then we become accepting of it.

[violetsfortwo]

I'm so frustrated, hurt and angry. I feel unheard, unseen and unimportant. We have company coming this weekend and I'm trying to clean and straighten up the house, but my husband ridicules me and tells me I'm being ridiculous. He says our friends don't care what our house looks like and to stop cleaning. Our house isn't bad, but it's cluttered and to be honest I gave up trying to decorate long ago because he simply makes it impossible. A little backstory... I grew up with hoarders. As a child I could never have friends over. My parents wouldn't allow it and I'd be too embarrassed anyway. I can remember dreaming of the day that I would have my own home and how beautifully decorated and clean it would be. I dreamed of having my friends and my children's friends over anytime we wanted. My first husband couldn't keep a job and was an alcoholic, which meant we were constantly moving, always rented and were always broke. The few times I felt comfortable enough to decorate or make a place into the home I dreamed of, he would stop me saying "we're not fixing up someone else's place" "we're not staying here long so don't get comfortable" or "we don't have the money for that." After my divorce, I was so broke that I couldn't afford anything so I rented for a couple of years and did the best I could. I married my second husband 11yrs ago and moved into his home. He is sentimental, practical and I'm guessing color blind. His house was a hodgepodge of ugly decor left over from a previous marriage and items he inherited from his mother. He can't let go of anything that his mother used as decor or things from his childhood. We have piles of things everywhere with cobwebs on them. He also gets a kick out of weird novelty crap like stuffed animals, dog toys, ugly figurines, etc and has to have them all over the house. We burn wood for heat in the winter and next to the wood stove looks like a recycling center with all of the crap he collects all year long to start fires. Every time I try to make a room look nice he'll question what was wrong with it in the first place. As long as it has the basics he thinks it's fine. It doesn't matter if it matches, if there are cobwebs, if there are piles of dog hair, or if there are piles of clutter everywhere. "It's fine." "We have pets" "you're the only person who even notices it doesn't match." "Just leave that stuff out, we're going to use it again anyway." Whenever we are having company I desperately try to make it the place I've dreamed of, but he gets after me saying "no one cares about that stuff, so stop it." Meanwhile I am having a complete internal meltdown. I care. Isn't that enough? I have lived my entire life in clutter with no say in what it looks like, fearing judgement and the embarrassment that comes with it. The end result ...I give up - defeated and depressed. I don't enjoy myself when people come over because I see them looking at the cobwebs, trying to get the dog hair off their clothes or have caught them cleaning counters or floors. I love my husband, but clearly he doesn't understand the trauma of growing up the way I did. Him belittling my anxiety and ridiculing me drives me into a deep depression and this time it hurts so much that I don't know if I can climb out of this. I know there isn't a solution, which makes it that much worse.

[bisluthq]

This whole story is reminding me of how I found a few months ago that one of my closest friends had a pattern of DV with his gfs, and it made me realize how much of a problem society's conception of abusers is because there is this notion that its visible to be abusive or a bad guy or a creep and "i could always tell there was something wrong" and theres never any grey zones and victims are always perfect and never fight back or handle it in any way that could be suspicious and the abusers dont also have pain or good sides and everything is black and white.

And like, in my case with my friend, the abuser was this super charismatic sweet guy who was really there for me when my mother got sick and painted himself as a feminist and called out guys for like, not going down on their gfs or whatever, and he had this super fucked up childhood which he still suffered a lot from and which i really empathised with, and it took SO long for me to realize how manipulative he could be and how he was refusing to take accountability for his actions and always justified it to himself and kept hurting people, and even if the good sides were probably still there and the pain was definitely there, it did not excuse any of the stuff he did or make him a good person.

And so, that's why I feel like Justins pov is so important, because that point of view is so important to help people but especially victims to understand abuse, and its so underrepresented in media which is super harmful. So it sucks that Blake and Ryan didn't want to show this point of view

Firstly, I'm sorry your friend turned out to be a worse person than you thought. That's a tough thing to have to realise. Secondly... yeah. I don't think, unless the person is like a complete and total sociopath AND a sadist to boot, they don't have their own justifications for their behaviours? Ryle, from what I've read/seen, has a sad backstory that's led to him having a bad temper and he hasn't like... dealt with that. He is very sorry every time he hurts Lily but he keeps hurting Lily anyway. Your friend, as you say, has a sad backstory that's allowed him to justify shitty to downright abusive behaviours. But both of them have (internal) justifications (that don't excuse them)?

I also think it's worth thinking about how specific relationships can lead to specific behaviours/reactions/etc. Just because someone is a good friend, or a good family member, or a good colleague/boss and all that doesn't mean they can't be abusive to their partner. And fwiw other way round too - someone can be abusive as a caregiver or as a boss or be a really shitty and selfish friend to the point of being essentially abusive and be awesome in other settings. Also just because they were/are good to YOU even in that same capacity, doesn't mean they can't be terrible to someone else. Like just because your ex wasn't abusive when you were together, it doesn't mean they're not abusing their current partner or didn’t abuse an ex.

So yeah, I mean these are HEAVY and COMPLEX topics. I think Colleen is a shitty writer but fwiw she did kinda in her own shitty way want to try explain and show how women often stay in situations even where they can and should leave. I think Justin, for reasons that still escape me, felt that he could use her source material as a springboard for discussions on toxic masculinity and how men are also victims of patriarchy and DV more broadly (beats tf out of me why he chose this source material but let's roll with it for now). I think Blake thought looking cute in florals would be fun. And I think Ryan was looking at how to make the most money possible and also dislikes Justin lol.

Mess, mess, mess but like... profound theme actually.

[epiphainie]

what are your favourite fanfic tropes

hm depends on the ship tbh because it's important to me that a fic still feels connected to the source material/keeps the essence of the dynamic whether it's an AU or not. so not every trope works for every ship imo

BUT!

some of the first things i always seek out are break up & make up, almost divorce, jealousy, miscommunication (not in the crackfic way, in the we're both fucked up and don't know how to talk and listen way). anything angsty and hurt/comfort i LOVE if it comes from interpersonal/internal angst instead of like "there was an accident" or "my evil ex had an evil plan" type of whump. the individuals' past trauma, maladaptive coping habits, big emotions, personal insecurities and fear etc. leading to fucked up emotional response/messy behavior/messy thinking patterns but the relationship overcoming it anyway is my favorite trope (if you can call it a trope). i love when they fight and hurt each other emotionally lol.

it doesn't have to be established relationship angst either, all that inner bullshit and individuals' own mess causing painful pining and yearning and slowburn is also a fav.

if we're talking more specific tropes, i really love AUs with some romantic magical realism like soulmates AUs, hanahaki, parallel realities, reincarnation etc. especially if they're subverted or reconstructed in interesting ways. i also love mythological/folksy things but not like your straightforward werewolf stuff, i mean the ones where the writer injects so much ~Vibe in there. same with stuff like noir, dystopia, steampunk vibes. same with fics where nothing happens but it's a character study with so much atmosphere you feel it in your chest. i love reading about the innard messiness of humans with a cool background aesthetic.

then i guess more tropey tropes i enjoy are like fake/pretend, friends with benefits, sex work, hate to love, childhood friends to lovers, single dad. sex tropes i'll keep between me and god.

[queerxqueen]

The “Will deserves better than Mike” seems to be an argument against requited byler that’s pushed amongst casual viewers who don’t understand Mike’s behaviour towards Will and the internalised homophobia of it all. It’s difficult to convince them of what Mike’s character arc is trying to say as they’re not as involved and in sync with the details of the show nor do they understand its writing. These people seem to believe that Will’s crush on Mike seems to be pushed in for representation and don’t see byler happening of they don’t even see byler as something that exists or appeals to them as a ship because they don’t have the same perspective that we have.

So, in a way that appeals to a more casual viewer of the show, how would you argue what makes byler as a ship appealing? why Mike and Will would go so well together and why byler happening would be great for both characters?

Oh god, for sure! So much hate for Mike this season and it's from a fundamental misunderstanding of what his character is struggling with this season. Granted, the Duffers haven't explicitly explained his behaviors yet, but the way people are jumping to the conclusion that he's just become an asshole without thinking about the narrative choices that could be behind that behavior is so frustrating to me.

But anyways, I'm going to answer your question but I'm also going to link off to my other analysis posts because I think they're relevant.

Why Byler???

There's lots to love about Byler in a distant way. They're cute. I love childhood-best-friends-to-lovers tropes, and pining, and all that jazz. But to me the ship isn't just about two characters who are cute together, it's about characters who have shown time and time again they are better together.

I think the most important reason that Byler is an amazing ship is that they truly care about one another, they are soft with one another, and they have a unique dynamic that is different from any other relationship, romantic or platonic, in the show. (Here's my Mike analysis breaking down how their dynamic is depicted in the show.)

But beyond that, them ending up together just makes narrative sense. (Again, my analysis breaking down... all that.)

For Mike, who has struggled through the seasons with growing up and being who he is, it would show him learning to accept himself and the parts of his youth he thought he wasn't allowed to keep. For Will, who has a lot of trauma and is struggling with feeling left behind by his friends, it would show him learning that growing up doesn't mean getting hurt. For both of them, they would learn the themes of non-conformity that have been established since season 1 and made explicit in season 4.

And then there's the cultural and social impact of Netflix's flagship TV show making two main characters queer in the second-to-last season. The importance of showing a character with internalized homophobia who forces themself to be straight and even believes it, due to heteronormativity. The importance of giving a traumatized queer character some happiness. The way this would be a landmark moment for queer media and for sci-fi while also fitting right into the modern sphere of sci-fi today (hello??? gay Star Trek, sapphic Doctor Who, etc??). The best part of it is that it's not just throwing a bone for representation, it's a carefully thought-out, slow-burn love story whose seeds were planted since episode one.

That was a tangent and I don't know that it totally answered your question but it is... something.

[send byler asks uwu]

[thatgrumpybxtch]

saw you wanted requests, sero/ iida from mha for friends to lovers?

or jasper/ Emmett from twilight?

I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to pick who to do or if you want me to do all of them so I just did all of them, I hope that’s okay! Also I hope that Sero’s is somewhat in character?? I don’t know his character all that well 😅

Sero Hanta:

Literally is so easy to get along with

Down to do anything

Going out to the movies? Sure, why not?

Studying/Training after class? He doesn’t mind the company!

Constantly cracks flirty jokes and pick up lines

At first it’s genuinely as a joke, he wasn’t actually flirting until he realized he actually liked you

He probably realized he liked you after you shot back a cheesy pick up line, jokingly of course at first anyway

After he realizes he likes more than a friend he unintentionally makes it very obvious

Just looks at you like he’s in awe, with a love sick grin on his face

He’ll invite you to hangout more, just you, no one else

Before you know it the both of you are basically as close as actual couples are

Flirting and teasing each other, often going out together, sleepovers, etc.

The Bakusquad picks up on all of this and is constantly teasing the two of you

Just casually asks you out one day

“Hey, are you gonna be busy later?”

“Okay great! I was just wondering if I could take you as my date to the movies?”

Just goes about so casually as if he isn’t freaking out internally

Luckily, to his relief you say yes :)

Would wouldn’t say yes tho??

Tenya Iida:

100% a childhood friends to lovers thing

Known each other your who lives, literally have done everything together

You’re practically already apart of his family, and they absolutely love you!

You’re more laid back and go with the flow, occasional rule breaker while he’s a smart, honest, rule follower.

You manage to get him to relax from time to time

The two of you managed to get into UA together, and almost everyone thought you were a couple

It takes him soooo long to realize he likes you

The dekusquad definitely has to point out his own feelings to him

He’s much more nervous and flustered around you, which you are quickly suspicious of

You of course confront him about his odd behavior

He finally gets himself to ask you out in his own cute formal way

“(Y/n), I have noticed that I have romantic feelings for you and seek to start a romantic relationship with you. If you do not feel the same, I will respect your feelings and our relationship shall not change! As a son of the Iida family it would be disgraceful-!”

“Tenya, I like you too, and I’d love to be your girlfriend/boyfriend/partner.”

Jasper Hale:

Honestly, it's pretty hard to become friends with this guy, let alone lovers, especially if you're human

It takes him awhile to warm up and get used to your scent

He needs to know that you are a good person before he even thinks about befriending you

But eventually, you can win him over(with lots of help from Alice) and become friends

Anyone of the Cullens comes with Alice as a package deal lol

From there on he's a pretty good friend, though he'll try to hide the fact that he's a vampire for as long as possible

But you can't help but notice him and his families odd behavior

I could imagine you stressing over school work and Jasper noticing

So he helps with both putting you at ease and helping you study

Before long the “study sessions” are just your way of spending time with him both in and out of school

You start noticing how at ease you are around him, or when you get angry, sad, annoyed, second later you have calmed down

It’s also pretty easy to talk to him, he’s a great listener, and it’s nice to hear him talk too (especially with that southern drawl of his)

When you do find yourself crushing on him, he knows, even before you do

And he finds himself liking you too…

He might try to distance himself but your too stubborn to let that happen so you keep being friends with him

Lets be honest, you’ll probably have to confess first, and when you do he doesn’t know how to feel

On one hand, you actually like him back! On the other… he’s literally a blood sucking fairytale

So, he confess too. Not only his feelings but the fact that he isn’t who you think he is

To his surprise, you had your suspicions but didn’t really care, if he had wanted to hurt you by now he would have.. but he didn’t

Next thing you know you’re being introduced to the rest of the Cullens

Emmett:

Could definitely imagine you being one of those quiet kids who keeps to yourself but happens to sit next to Emmett, who can’t pay attention in class whatsoever

Despite the fact he’s done high school a million times, he can never remember the subjects he learns about, so lucky you gets to tutor him!

Picks on you and teases you a lot

Try’s to get you into sports: football, basketball, soccer, baseball, you name it.

If you happen to be into sports, expect to get an earful and debate your favorite sports teams

He’s a bit of charmer when he wants to be so he’ll flirt every once and awhile

However, when you happen to flirt back(just to catch him off guard or tease him) he actually gets flustered

And before you know it this show off has a crush on you, and only realized it cause you happened to be bold and tease him back

Suddenly he’s showing off a lot more than usual

Like picking you up and throwing you over his shoulder, no matter how big or small you are your weight doesn’t even phase him

Starts driving you to and from school

He gets more touchy. Throws his around your shoulder/waist, sitting closer, etc.

You might even notice Alice and the rest of the Cullens talking to you more

And eventually he confesses his big secret before telling you how he feels

And once again, you will be brought over to his house for dinner

[phoenixkaptain]

I really think there should be a chef au where Xie Lian is an up and coming chef in some little restaurant he owns, and Hua Cheng is like a chef/restaurant reviewer. And like, Xie Lian’s food is garbage, it’s burned and raw at the same time and there are some spices in there that are so mangled that you can’t even tell what it’s supposed to be, and Xie Lian’s restaurant stays open for the sole reason that people like the drinks he mixes because he’s inexplicably a great bartender.

So, Hua Cheng is like an online food blogger type reviewer (go with me, it’ll be funny) and he starts getting all these people saying that he should try this restaurant with the worst food, only the drinks are good, one guy spent three days throwing up because he tried some soup, etc. Hua Cheng is like “I like being cruel, let’s go tear some poor soul apart.” and goes to check out this restaurant.

Imagine his surprise when Xie Lian greets him, being the only person who works at his small restaurant. He sits at the bar that overlooks the kitchen (added because people thought Xie Lian was cooking poorly on purpose and the window allows them to see that it’s just magically terrible, despite him doing everything visually right). Xie Lian is like “What do you do for a living?” because he likes to get to know his customers, his charm is another reason people keep paying him for bad food. Hua Cheng is like, ‘I can’t let this beautiful perfect man know I’m the infamous Crimson Rain (named because people cry tears of blood after his reviews) because how will he ever be convinced to marry me if he knows???’ So he says “I’m a chef, too.”

Xie Lian is like “Oh? You probably won’t like my cooking very much, it isn’t very good.” And Hua Cheng is like “No, no, don’t say that! I’m sure it’s delicious!” And inwardly he’s like ‘I’m very willing to be the housewife in our relationship.’

So Xie Lian makes him food and talks to him and laughs at his jokes and is generally the perfect man despite the frying pan catching on fire twice. He looks really sad as he slides a plate of burnt scrambled eggs (Hua Cheng ordered the breakfast) to his customer. Hua Cheng (utterly smitten) eats the whole plate and asks to try something else. Seeing someone not disgusted, Xie Lian makes his favourite thing to make, which is soup or something like that.

Hua Cheng tries it and immediately tears up because he suddenly remembers Xie Lian as the kind young boy who found him after his parents kicked him out one night and made him soup which had been the first thing he’d eaten in days. Hua Cheng, past version, had eaten the whole pot, telling Xie Lian it was delicious the whole time because it was to a starving eight year old. He remembers that, even back then, baby Hua Cheng had looked at the cheerful older boy and planned to marry him.

Xie Lian does not have mind reading properties, so when he sees Hua Cheng tear up he’s like “???!!! Ohno I’m so sorry I told you it was bad do you want something towash the taste away oh god-“ and Hua Cheng is like “This is the best soup I’ve ever had in my life.” and Xie Lian internally is like ‘You must not have had very many soups.’ Hua Cheng goes home and write a long review about how the food is perfect, you guys are just mean. His audience is like “??? Crimson Rain, did you go to the wrong restaurant???”

And there’s a whole plot with twists or whatever, like Jun Wu is the supplier of most of Xie Lian’s vegetables and he gives him only the worst ones which is why they taste so terrible. Yin Yu is Hua Cheng’s article editor or something similar and is very tired of Hua Cheng continuously trying to post articles that just say “Have you ever seen a man so perfect you cried?” and “!!!!!!” Shi Qingxuan is a baker or something that decides to set up shop in Xie Lian’s little restaurant, bringing his brother and his brother’s two friends with him. Ling Wen is like “You’ve been handling your money wrong, move over, I’m in charge of funds now.” Pei Mingis just there, the hot friend, and attracts a load of new clients by virtue of being hot or something.

Anyway, it all ends with Hua Cheng finally living his childhood dream of marrying Cute Soup Boy and he starts cooking in Xie Lian’s restaurant and everything is great.

[idreamtofmanderleyagain]

Hot takes about Severus Snape are a wierdly decent glimpse into how a person with progressive values analyses things. Literally every time someone talks about Snape, it’s like this tiny window into how one-dimentionally people actually think.

Recently saw a twitter post that was a fantastic example. Here’s how it goes (paraphrasing):

Person A:“Snape is POC and Queer coded, that’s why you guy’s hate him uwu lol.”

Person B: “Actually I hate him because he was mean and abusive to children under his care uwu but go off I guess lol”

Both of these takes are designed to be dramatic and/or reactionary. They each use partial truths to paint very broad strokes. These are get-em-in-one-hit quips. This is virtue signalling, if you’ll excuse that loaded phrase. Nobody had a substantial conversation, but now everyone who sees their statement knows the high ground they took.

At least a hundred other people chimed in to add their own little quippy hot takes into play, none of which add anything significant, but clearly made everyone feel very highly of themselves.

So many layers of nuance and complex analysis is completely lost in this kind of discussion. On tumblr, you get more of this kind of bullshit, but you don’t have a word count limit, so you guys just spew endless mountains of weak overblown evidence backing up your bullshit arguments, none of which was really about engaging in a real conversation anyway.

Here’s the thing about Snape.

He is a childhood domestic abuse victim. His abuser is a muggle.

He becomes a student at a magical school that takes him away from his abuser and immediately instills in him the idea that being a part of this magical world is a badge of self-worth, empowerment, and provides safety and security - provided that he keeps in line.

There is a war is being waged in that world over his right to exist (he is a half blood).

He is a marginalized person within the context of the narrative, forced to constantly be in the same living space as the children of his own oppressors who are being groomed and recruited into a hate group militia (the pureblood slytherins). They are in turn trying to do the same to him.

He is marginalized person bullied by children who are also part of his oppressor group, but who have “more liberal” leanings and aren’t direct about why he’s being targeted (the mauraders are all purebloods, Sirius, who was the worst offender, was raised in a bigoted household, the same one that produced Bellatrix.).

He had a crush on a girl who is a muggleborn, and therefore she is considered even lesser than him and carries a stigma to those who associate with her. That girl was his only real friend. In his entire life.

For both Snape and Lily, allying themselves to a pureblood clique within their own houses would be a great way of shielding themselves from a measure of the bigotry they were probably facing. There would have been obvious pressure from those cliques to disconnect with one and other.

Every other person who associates with Snape in his adulthood carries some sort of sociopolitical or workplace (or hate cult) baggage with their association. Some of them will physically harm and/or kill him if he steps out of line. He hasn’t at any point had the right environment to heal and adjust from these childhood experiences. Even his relationship with Dumbledore is charged with constant baggage, including the purebloods who almost killed him during their bullying getting a slap on the wrist, the werewolf that almost killed him as a child being placed in an authority position over new children, etc. Dumbledore is canonically manipulative no matter his good qualities, and he has literally been manipulating Snape for years in order to cultivate a necessary asset in the war.

He is a person who is not in the stable mental state necessary to be teaching children, whom has been forced to teach children. While also playing the role of double agent against the hate group militia, the one that will literally torture you for mistakes or backtalk or just for fun. The one that will torture and kill him if he makes one wrong move.

Is the math clicking yet? From all of this, it’s not difficult to see how everything shitty about Snape was cultivated for him by his environment. Snape was not given great options. Snape made amazingly awful choices, and also some amazingly difficult, courageous ones. Snape was ultimately a human who had an extremely bad life, in which his options were incredibly grim and limited.

In fact, pretty much every point people make about how shitty Snape is as a person makes 100% logical sense as something that would emerge from how he was treated. Some if it he’s kind of right about, some of it is the inevitable reality of suffering, and some of it is part of the cycle of abuse and harm.

Even Snape’s emotional obsession with Lily makes logical sense when you have the perspective that he literally has no substantial positive experiences with other human beings that we know of, and he has an extreme, soul destroying guilt complex over her death. Calling him an Incel mysoginist nice guy projects a real-world political ideology and behavior that does not really apply to the context of what happened to him and her.

Even Snape’s specific little acts of cruelty to certain students is a reflection of his own life experiences. He identifies with Neville; more specifically, he identifies his own percieved emotional weaknesses in his childhood in Neville. There’s a very sad reason there why he feels the urge to be so harsh.

Snape very clearly hates himself, in a world where everyone else hates him, too. Imagine that, for a second. Imagine total internal and external hatred, an yearning for just a little bit of true connection. For years. Imagine then also trying to save that world, even if it’s motivated by guilt. Even if nobody ever knows you did it and you expect to die a miserable death alone.

There are more elements here to consider, including the way Rowling described his looks (there may be something in there re: ugliness and swarthy stereotyping). These are just the things that stand out the most prominently to me.

J.K. Rowling is clearly also not reliable as an imparter of moral or sociopolitical philosophies. I don’t feel that her grasp of minority experiences is a solid one, considering how she picks and chooses who is acceptable and who is a threat.

All of that said, this is a logically consistent character arc. Within the context of his narrative, Snape is a marginalized person with severe PTSD and emotional instability issues who has absolutely no room available to him for self-improvement or healing, and never really has. And yes, he’s also mean, and caustic, and verbally abusive to the students. He’s also a completey miserable, lonely person.

There are elements in his character arc that mirror real world experiences quite well. If nothing else, Rowling is enough of an emotional adult to recognise these kinds of things and portray something that feels authentic.

In my opinion, it’s not appropriate to whittle all this down by comparing him directly to the real world experiences of marginalized groups - at least if you are not a part of the group you are comparing him to. There have been many individuals who have compared his arc to their own personal experiences of marginalization, and that is valid. But generally speaking, comparing a white straight dude to people who are not that can often be pretty offensive. This is not a valuable way to discuss either subject.

Also, I believe that while it’s perfectly okay to not like Snape as a character, many of the people who act like Person B are carrying Harry’s childhood POV about Snape in their hearts well into their own adulthood. And if nothing else, Rowling was attempting to say something here about how our perspectives (should) grow and change as we emotionally mature.  She doesn’t have to be a good person herself to have expressed something true about the world in this instance, and since this story is a part of our popular culture, people have a right to feel whatever way they do about this story and it’s characters.

The complexity of this particular snapshot of fictionalized marginalization, and what it reveals about the human experience, cannot be reduced down to “he’s an abuser so he’s not worth anyone’s time/you are bad for liking him.”

And to be honest, I think that it reveals a lot about many of us in progressive spaces, particularly those of us who less marginalized but very loud about our values, that we refuse to engage with these complexities in leu of totally condemning him. Particularly because a lot of the elements I listed above are indeed reflected in real world examples of people who have experienced marginalization and thus had to deal with the resulting emotional damage, an mental illness, and behavior troubles, and bad decisions. Our inability to address the full scope of this may be a good reflection of how we are handling the complexity of real world examples.

Real people are not perfect angels in their victimhood. They are just humans who are victims, and we all have the capacity to be cruel and abusive in a world where we have been given cruelty and abuse. This is just a part of existing. If you cannot sympathise with that, or at least grasp it and aknowledge it and respect the people who are emotionally drawn to a character who refects that, then you may be telling on yourself to be honest.

To be honest, this is especially true if you hate Snape but just really, really love the Mauraduers. You have a right to those feelings, but if you are moralizing this and judging others for liking Snape, you’ve confessed to something about how you’ve mentally constructed your personal values in a way I don’t think you’ve fully grasped yet.

I have a hard time imagining a mindset where a story like Snape’s does not move one to empathy and vicarious grief, if I’m honest. I feel like some people really just cannot be bothered to imagine themselves in other people’s shoes, feeling what they feel and living like they live. I struggle to trust the social politics of people who show these kinds of colors, tbh.

But maybe that’s just me.

[angelsndragons]

Day 3

Oh, man, y’all, I have been saving this for weeks so you have been warned. Today, I’m going to talk about Caduceus, Caleb, and their connection. Because honestly, though they rarely interact one on one, their relationship is fascinating.

Now, my first hot take is that their relationship is more similar to that of Caleb and Beau’s than Caleb’s relationships with anyone else. Caleb’s high Int, meh Wis combined with Caduceus’ high Wis, low Int means that the pair of them just do not get the other and both of them know it. They often get to the same conclusion using wildly different methods and as such, are in danger of talking past each other and going in circles like Caleb and Beau do. They simply use different methods to avoid the same pitfalls. Any time they zoom in on the other in a group chat, we can see how each of them keeps an open mind and does his best to make the other understand. Caleb accommodates Caduceus by simplifying his language and talking more about direct actions and feelings rather than the abstract tangents. In turn, Caduceus accommodates Caleb by giving him his full focus, clarifying what Caleb actually says, and above all, lowering his insight. What do I mean by that? Caduceus knows that he makes Caleb uncomfortable with his ridiculous ability to read people and that Caleb genuinely doesn’t want to be read, both because Caleb spent most of their relationship hiding a lot- what he did to his parents, how he feels about Jester and Veth, his time travel plans, etc- and because Caleb is afraid of how Caduceus perceives him. Like he and Yasha said way in the 90s, it is the forgiveness and acceptance which are the most difficult to deal with. And Caduceus can accept and forgive a lot. Honestly, a great example of this is during ep 98, Caduceus repeatedly asks Caleb what he wants and what his goals are relative to the rest of the group. 

Beyond their very different outlooks, Caduceus and Caleb do share some core internal commonalities. Neither of them are good at articulating their feelings- they both find it hard, uncomfortable, and often unnecessary. They are both project and gift-giving boys at heart; Caleb’s magical developments lately have all been about helping his friends even as he takes those first uncertain steps in verbalizing how much he actually cares about them. Caduceus focuses on helping his friends achieve their aims as he takes his own uncertain steps towards claiming his own future. The two of them clocked each other as fellow project nerds almost from the beginning; Caduceus likes Caleb in their first meeting because while the others are hemming and hawing, Caleb says do this for us and we will do something for you, no ifs, ands, or buts. Caleb gifts Caduceus the periapt and the book on corrupted plants; Caduceus supports Caleb’s lead on the Assembly and Essek and protects him from Ickithon. At their cores, Caleb and Caduceus are each driven by a sense of duty, serving his country for Caleb and serving the Wildmother for Caduceus. Duty has become a cornerstone in how they talk about and to each other, especially lately. Family means the world to each of them.  

What I love about this relationship is how firmly it is built on mutual respect and on similar moral outlooks. The two of them use entirely different methods and beliefs to get to those outlooks but I love that they can recognize the other as a kindred spirit and ally anyway. Caleb and Caduceus recognize each other’s talents and check in with each other during difficult conversations or important decisions. It’s nice watching them have each other’s backs.

And I guess I have to talk about the eighth floor since it stirred up so much controversy. Here is what Caduceus was going off of in that conversation: Caleb had never entered any of the bittersweet rooms on the floor, just the bad ones. Caduceus knows that Caleb will never let himself forget his childhood or what he did. Caduceus does not think Caleb needs a physical embodiment of his childhood home which he has to earn the right to enter. That is what he meant, same as Jester. This place should not be a punishment or a reward he earns. That is what he could not communicate and he recognized that. Like he did with Beau later in dead forest, Caduceus kept trying to communicate what he really meant but backed off once Caleb wasn’t having it. He finds the memory lovely. He leaves tea in the room just in case Caleb wants to come back. Honestly, I am okay with some friction between them over this miscommunication- they both need practice in verbalizing their hurts, boundaries, and general feelings. 

Can’t wait to see if the pair has a few minutes this week to chat; there is a lot going on with both of them and their conversations tend to be productive.

[jinmukangwrites]

so what what would happen if the someone got wild's amnesia? Am i making sense?

Ooh interesting question.

Honestly, I'm not quite sure what would happen to each of the Links if they were to lose all of their memories, so instead I will discuss this in a way if all the Links suddenly lost their game memories. What I mean by that is that the Links don't get their memories completely wiped, they just lose their memories of what occured during their adventures in the canon games.

Legend is first that comes to mind, mostly because I think his situation would be quite funny. Out of all the Links, I think his personality and lifestyle would be the one to surprise the Links the most if he lost his game memories. Like, before Link's Awakening, Link to the Past, A Link Between Worlds, etc, he was really just Some Guy™. He didn't hoard magical items, he didn't have the attitude or trauma of someone who's saved the world multiple times, he's just Some Guy from an Apple Orchard who can't swim and loved his uncle. He'd be an absolute bag full of shock for the others, and I find that funny. The Link's would have to deal with a version of Legend that acts too kind, too peaceful, and too sharing to be the one they know and love.

Sky is another interesting one, because this guy was basically hyrules equivalent of a dorky collage kid before he went to the surface. This guy would be absolutely terrified and amazed to find himself on the surface with a bunch of small birds and the clouds ABOVE??? He'd barely be able to use his sword, let alone face the dangers of the surface without absolutely pissing himself. Although, he'd definitely be worried about Skyloft, his loftwing, and Zelda. The Link's would have to scramble to keep him out of wondering off and getting himself hurt.

Wind would be one who's change is so subtle that like, almost no one noticed for the first several minutes that something's wrong. Wind would be a bit more bratty, and bit more reckless, and a LOT more prone to getting himself hurt because he wants to prove he's not some little kid. He'd annoy the ears off the other Links asking about his grandmother and sister and then accidentally change topics when he realizes they've been walking a long time how big is the island they're on? He's never been off the island- hey you guys are all wearing hero tunics which is weird cuz you really only need to do that when you turn twelve but oh well be weirdos I guess, anyways about my sister-

Twilight, like Legend, would be Some Dude™. All of a sudden, his accent gets so much thicker and his personality becomes a lot more reserved. He takes the news of being a hero and losing his memory pretty well, considering, but looks uncomfortable and confused whenever Wild attempts to strike up any kind of banter. However, this Twilight is also more open, and willing to tell the others a little about his life in Ordon. And shockingly, he's a lot more reckless, forcing the others to realize that maybe the reason he's so stingy about safety... is because he's had to learn how to be that way to survive his quest. Eventually, Twilight finds the stone that turns him to a wolf and freaks out so badly that the Links that Knew almost pass out from laughing and making fun of him, and the Links that Didn't Know stand and watch in utter bafflement as Wild eventually shows Twilight how to turn back into a human.

Warriors is like Sky where this man is just a headstrong knight in training. However, Warriors is still very good with a sword. The main difference is that he's... not very good at planning ahead. Man can take being told he's a hero of legend and saved the world in stride and then run prematurely into a battle that, before, he would have stopped the others and made sure they had a plan of attack. He's reckless in the way he fights, swings are not precise as they should be. But there's an innocent look in his eyes, a look that hasn't been weathered down by war and death.

Time is an interesting one to consider because he was so young before his games. However, the first thing he'd notice is that he's big. He's with big people. Wtf. When did kids get big? He'd ask if they have fairies, because they're dressed like forest kids, they should have fairies, and then he'd get really excited that they don't have fairies and they're like him. After that? It's all wonder. So much to take in from a world he's never considered that he almost doesn't have time to wonder about the kids he left behind. There's curiosity, and a stupid bravery that has him chasing after anything that catches his eye. Returning Times memories is probably one of the hardest things the Links have ever had to do, because returning his memories kills that innocence, that easy smile, that bursting energy and curiosity. But he has a wife to return to, he has an entire life that he's fought to have, and keeping him as he was would be the same as killing him.

Hyrule would have close to no change, personality nor skills. This kid has been on his own since forever, and he's lived in the dangerous, monster infested woods since forever. Yet, there's a stark difference. This Hyrule has trust. He trusts the others immediately when they tell him of his memories. He trusts them when they tell him their quests. He trusts them when they say his food isn't poisoned. While this Hyrule may be almost exactly the same, the others are left with a gut wrenching feeling that something costed this innocent trust, and they hope they never find out.

Four is Some Guy™ part three. However, while skeptical of the other Links, he's a little more open to tell of his past, and everyone is shocked to hear he's childhood best friends with Zelda. He's also a lot more confident in his decision making too, while before he'd overanalyze almost everything, now when he chooses to do something he just does it, like whatever internal struggled he used to have before simply don't exist. Everyone feels like while they have Four, something is just... Missing. And it's not his just his memories. Perhaps it's the fire to his passion, his bite to his anger, the severity of his caution, or the haughtiness of his knowledge. Whatever it is, something feels wrong, where this Four almost feels like a cheep copy.

[troglobite]

okay i am loath to admit this to any medical or psychological professional in my life but i do feel i need to say

my therapist asked me how i’m doing w having received an Official Diagnosis for hEDS, and now having MCAS too (which hasn’t been Officially Diagnosed but like honestly, we’re fully on the right track here, and it takes like a skin sample to test to prove it)

and my answer to her was kind of funny but true

i’m VERY happy--honestly normal for anyone trying to get a difficult diagnosis who’s known they might have it, etc. 

but i’m also feeling like the 12 year olds all of us are looking at like “....i am. so happy for you. [quietly seething but not in the 12 year old’s direction]”

y’know what i mean? i KNOW ppl have taken YEARSSSSSS to get an EDS diagnosis even though it was BLATANTLY OBVIOUS bc they had an even more serious type of it! drs who wouldn’t get them a genetic test even though other family members had it--or worse, other family members definitely had it but had never been diagnosed, so they were like “well no one in your family had it so i won’t test you” like dO YOU NOT SEE THE PROBLEM YOU’RE PERPETUATING HERE?!

anyway.

so point being i feel like the 12 year old going around talking abt how their parents have tried out 3 pronoun sets for them, how they’ve changed their name four times, how all their friends are queer, etc., and wearing like badges and pins on their bags in MIDDLE SCHOOL. 

with all of the adults looking at the 12 year old like--heartwarmingly happy that it’s possible &that this child isn’t suffering, but also so so so bitter that it couldn’t happen for them. 

so that was the answer i gave her

and it is TRUE. i do feel that way. i sometimes feel that way re: queer and trans stuff, too. i was never beaten up or anything and i just avoid coming out to ppl who won’t take it well, or i keep them out of my life--and i have the privilege of doing that, y’know? and for the most part ppl have been chill abt my pronouns. mostly.

so anyway that’s the Big part of it.

the other part of it that i haven’t voice aloud is....

this diagnosis is satiating a very weird childhood thought/feeling/urge/desire of mine that i haven’t thought abt in a long time. 

i think it also kind of happened when i realized i was autistic.

basically--

i feel vindication and joy and a thrill at there being something...idk any better way to say it. something “kind of wrong with me”. just a little bit. 

y’know what maybe i should talk abt this in therapy bc this could probably be related to uhhhhh--....well a lot of things. succinctly: thinking i don’t deserve positive love attn and support most of the time. 

so having something diagnosed about it is like HA-HA! I HAVE A LEGITIMATE REASON TO ASK FOR SUPPORT AND ATTENTION!

there’s also this weird thing of like

oh i do get to complain abt my body hurting! and that matters! and it’s not an embarrassing thing of me just ~being out of shape~ or ~doing something wrong~ or whatever! like 

something is just WRONG with my body’s collagen! like it don’t work right!

and so both autism and hEDS (and also MCAS) are like--

no, no. you ARE miserable ALL THE FUCKING TIME. and you ALWAYS HAVE BEEN. and that’s fine. and like we [diagnoses] can point at all of this stuff for you and be like “no yeah, it’s actually legit, i promise”

i’m sure this will wear off bc it has for autism. or at least i’ve hit a different wall w being autistic.

but idk i just have this THRILL of being like. no something is wrong w me but not in a scary way, so i can just. have attn and support abt it. 

i feel weird and guilty for feeling this way but as i’ve recently discovered, i have MANY unresolved and unexamined issues around this sort of thing. and i imagine it’s not all that uncommon.

also though i’m fully aware that even with diagnoses most people don’t get the respect or support or concern or empathy and compassion that they would deserve even without diagnoses. 

it’s just an internal thing for me. it’s a weird--okay i feel like i’ve read abt other ppl having this fantasy as a kid.

like breaking an arm and getting all the attention in the classroom. some kids lowkey fantasize abt that, right? i was one of them.

and this kind of. scratches that itch in a way. 

so this is where i’m currently at with Processing It All. 

and mostly what i’ve done is just recommend my dr to ANYONE in the area who needs help w any type of EDS or MCAS or even POTS (which i don’t have) bc i want to just make sure everyone can get a diagnosis and speak with a dr who is as proactive, respectful, helpful, kind, generous, and knowledgeable as this woman i’m seeing now. 

like i truly cannot overstate how amazing and helpful she’s been, and i’ve only had 3 appt with her. 

ANYWAY so that’s it. i just wanted to. put these feelings somewhere and think abt them out loud. i haven’t been able to talk abt it with my mom & the fear abt sharing this w anyone in certain positions in my life is like--i don’t want them to think i’ve somehow faked this, y’know?

although it’s p fucking hard to fake a 7/9 on the beighton scale with several other points in favor of hEDS as well as a “variant of uncertain significance” on a gene that codes for collagen so like lololol

ANYWAY

me, hunched over my laptop bc my stomach’s upset so i got to sit up straight and my shoulder pops and my upper back sounds like bubble wrap lolololol

ANYWAY

[legends-live-in-memories]

I Have Too Many Opinions. ep. 1

lmao. i got encouragement to post my opinions on fandom things and now i want to make a miniseries doing just that. so here i am. doing just that.

im putting it under the cut cuz this was 4 whole pages including the disclaimer. yes i put a disclaimer and i explain why.

Anyways, here is the first piece in what inevitably will become fandom info dump, this time on thomas astruc’s writing on miraculous ladybug. but only some of my opinions cuz we would be here all day otherwise.

So… a disclaimer before I begin… 

I do not hate Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and Chat Noir (yes i'm using their government name). I am quite a fan of the show actually despite its faults. I am also older than the intended audience but was obviously younger when the show first aired which is how my interest was piqued (the fact that its been 6 years and only 3 seasons says more about the show than me being a fan for that amount of time but also i never want to rush content creators cuz they're doing their best) and due to my age, there will be inherent bias in my approach of what i'm about to say as there is in EVERY opinion. The fact that it is an opinion should imply the presence of bias but most people tend to lack the critical thinking skills required to draw that conclusion ANYWAYS…

If I did hate the show I would not have this blog nor would I be even writing this because i tend to not give more than 2 seconds of thought to things i actively dislike (some of yall should give this a try) and i'm allowed to like things that are designed for an audience that i was originally a part of but grew out of. (I don't suddenly stop liking things because I'm older despite what many younger fans seem to believe about older audiences. I also don't need to be ‘allowed’ to do anything cuz i wasn't asking for permission anyways.)

This will not be character bashing, astruc bashing nor fandom bashing cuz, again, that would imply i hate any of those elements and if i did, i would not dedicate brainpower to them. Analyses and criticisms of media are fun and engaging and required if you wish to produce good enjoyable content. Now most of this should be already assumed and self-explanatory but people on the internet like to play morality roulette roll dice on purity culture and I rather have documentation that I am in fact not bullying fictional 14 year olds or a grown man. But alas, people get trigger happy whenever someone has less than 1000000% positive opinions on something they like and will throw out words they can't define (gaslight, baiting, toxic, problematic, gatekeep etc) in an attempt to defend their blind devotion, 

which is not needed, if you like something you never have to defend it, even if i don't like it. If you respond to anything I post saying you disagree with me, I will not argue with you. I won't debate back and forth and try to convince you that the things you like are wrong. Unless you are being absolutely tone deaf to what i'm saying, you wont get a negative reaction from me. So don't try to fish for a fight. Please. I got metaphorical hands for days and I'm mean, you don't want me hurting your feelings on the internet. Do yourself the favour. Difference of opinion is how we get diversification in media and is inherently a good thing. Now that that's out of the way, please don't ever let me have to say that again. I beg.

Now onto the fun stuff

I didn't know what I wanted as a first topic so my trusty internet friend @moonlitceleste suggested astruc’s writing… 

AND BOI do i got some opinions on ole tommy boi. Again I don't hate the dude. In fact, he has worked on a few shows that had defined my childhood, including but not limited to W.I.T.C.H. (all eps available on youtube for those interested, 2 seasons, general fun time all around).

So I don't think he’s scum of the earth but I do think his approach to writing mlb specifically has more misses than hits.

The first big miss is that he has no idea how to write 14 year old girls. At all. Almost every girl he has ever written feels like some terrible archetype built entirely for marketability and childish projection and pubescent self-insert (kind of). He has never been a 14 year old girl. I have. In fact when the show first aired, I WAS around the (assumed) age of the mlb characters. The behaviour he passes off as quirky or awkward or just the character’s genuine personality tend to perpetuate harmful stereotypes of teen girls found in the media and are never actually addressed as harmful. they just get swept under the rug. Marinette’s exuberant collage of teen heart throb model boi Adrien Agreste and her very painful almost fan worship she has of him (which flip flops like a paper sandal in the rain) being portrayed as a cute school girl crush uwu, Chloe being the y7 Regina George, Alya being the token best friend of colour with her ‘sassy’ personality (i want y'all to imagine me eyerolling so hard i bust a vessel in my eye), Kagami being the very damaging Perfect Asian Child stereotype. And before y'all get on your dusty soap box and defend going on about “BUT IT'S FOR CHILDREN”,,,, know this.

 i don’t give a solid fuck. 

Not one. 

Children arent stupid. Children are always going to remember the richy bitchy blonde who bullies the art kid, and the big kid, and the shy kid, and the non white kids, and was only nice to her equally rich white friend who she probably had a crush on or was only ever civil to her equally white lapdog. They're going to remember the half asian girl who was never allowed to actually be asian or the only black girl who existed solely as a soundboard for enabling bad habits or chastising the main character for the same habits she enables in the first place (boi aint THAT a topic for later). Like do i really need to explain that alya chastising marinette for taking max’s spot in gamer just to play with adrien rings absolutely hollow when she actively encourages her to sabotage the contest she’s in just so Kagami doesn't win?? Like I don't have to explain that right?? Again kids arent stupid and its quite something that Mari gets chastised for proving herself the best video game player regardless of her intentions just cuz it comes at the expense of max’s feelings/ego but is actively encouraged to sabotage not only kagami but herself by extension cuz kagami is ‘competition.’ Adrien is not a trophy to be won. And no I don't expect 14 yrs old to be perfect and to always make good decisions but these decisions are never addressed as being bad decisions. they get swept under the rug cuz those decisions were necessary for the ‘plot’ but astruc can barely keep characterization consistent and his characters suffer for it and it's the same children you preach are watching it that suffer as well. Cuz guess what? I KNOW 14 yr olds aren't like that cuz i've been there done that (this is the last time i'm saying that i promise) so I know astruc is just metaphorically throwing darts to figure out who says and does what without consideration for pre established personalities to drive the stalemate plot along. The same kids you say are watching this don't know that that's not how preteens work and will absorb and internalize those dynamics like baking soda and vinegar. Cata-fucking-strophically. 

And I haven't even gotten to the boys yet. Which honestly doesn't require much explanation anyways cuz they suffer the same fate as the girls. Tired archetypes with nothing to give them life. Nino falls into Adrien’s person of colour token best friend who dates the female lead’s person of colour token best friend so they can have cute double dates uwu. Except the plot goes nowhere and we have no inclination of romantic development beyond moments that only act to actively convince me to anti ship the lovesquare (i don't want to do that so i self indulge in fanon that actually cares about the characters and plot. may i interest you in True Sight on AO3?). Max is the residential nerd but it doesn't matter (cuz he and everyone are dumbed down for the sake of ‘plot’), kim is the sports jock (which interestingly subverts the asian comedic relief stereotype but only barely) and luka is cute older guy ™ that wears black nail polish and is in a band. The point of all this is to say there is no depth in the characters. It's especially blatantly obvious with the characters astruc doesn't like (chloe). Again, it being a show for kids is not an excuse to be absolved of putting effort into the characters you make.

This is one of the biggest misses astruc has. I haven't even gone into all the nuances of this particular miss. And i havent gone into how that works against him in the plot either. Mostly because the plot itself hasn't gone anywhere and partially because I wanted to go into the plot (or lack thereof) separately as its own miss. 

AND BOI is it a miss. 

SO home boy astruc wanted to reap the benefits of a serial show with ‘engaging’ plot without putting in any of the work to make a linear storyline and relying on the episodic format for, again, marketability. You can't have the best of both worlds, you are not Avatar: The Last Airbender. Which btw has a lot less episodes and a desired end goal that didn't involve top dollar. Legend of Korra did but that's not the point and it had its failings with that too. I challenge you, tell me how many episodes actually contribute towards a plot point or introduce new thematic elements to the show? Can you name them? I can and I'm going to include the plot points that moved the story in some direction if only temporarily. Yes only temporarily for some of these and i will explain later. (if you're in the server you already saw this list *wink*)

25/26. Origins- self explanatory, the beginning of the story, 

24. Volpina- introduction of the grimoire and Master Fu (kind of) and no, Lila is not a plot point,

28. The Collector- proper introduction of Master Fu,

37. Sapotis- introduction of Rena Rouge,

41. Syren- introduction of new aquatic power ups,

44. Anansi- introduction of Carapace,

47. Frozer- introduction of new ice power ups,

48/49. Style Queen- introduction of Queen Bee,

51/52. Heroes’ Day- introduction of Mayura and mass akumatization,

66. Startrain- introduction of Pegasus,

67. Kwami Buster- Marinette wears multiple miraculouses,

68. Feast- backstory as to how the miraculouses were lost,

69. Ikari Gozen- introduction of Ryuko,

70. Timetagger- introduction of Bunnyx,

71. Party Crasher- introduction of Roi Singe and Viperion,

73. Chat Blanc- alternate timeline that essentially means nothing but got a reaction out of fans anyways (myself included)

 77/78. Love Eater/Battle of Miraculous- Marinette becomes guardian and other heroes lose their miraculous,

New York Special- other heroes exist and there is an American miraculous box,

That's 21 episodes. 21 out of a heaping 78 plus 2 specials. Everything else was just your typical akuma of the day episode and everything that happened outside that had no lasting consequences on the plot thanks to the miraculous status quo. Was it entertaining to watch Lila stir the plot of the class dynamic? Hell yeah. Too bad it meant nothing by the end of the episode cuz we were struck with miraculous status quo. She literally doesn't appear again until Heroes Day. that is from episodes 25 all the way to 51, she means nothing and yet she is treated with the severity of a b-villain/rival thing. She means nothing by the end of Volpina if I'm being honest. She is only relevant for 20 mins of episode time she’s in then it's back to magic status quo that undoes any shift in dynamics and relationships. It's like Spongebob who can't get his driver’s license. The worst part is I actually like Lila and I wish the story treated her with the seriousness we as an audience are expected to treat her with. Despite being painfully inconsequential by the end of each of the 3?? 4?? episodes she’s in, it's entertaining to watch a character create drama just because. 

Too bad it means nothing.

Astruc is constantly building up suspense to something ‘important’ only for it to not deliver and fans are constantly having the rug pulled out from under us. Oblivio teased us with a reveal only that gets undone cuz memory akuma. Chat Blanc teased us with romantic development but that gets undone cuz time travel bullshit. Feast introduced more miraculous lore and the history of the guardians but that means nothing by the next episode or ever (i'm not including any reference to the season 4 trailer cuz i've been around the block a few times and im familiar with this lil dancy dance). Heroes Day teased us with a possible future team of heroes but that gets undone in Battle of Miraculous cuz ????? why?? (here's why; astruc was having a jolly ole time letting us know how irredeemable Chloe is at the expense of shooting his own stagnant plot in the foot. Again, discussion for later.)

Too bad anything that slightly swerves off course from the akuma of the day gets undone or ignored. Too bad nothing has any lasting consequence. I mean, if anything did, the episodes would have had a consistent order and release schedule so im not scrambling to watch the leaked ep in Portuguese or something while the french dub is two episodes behind while the english version hasnt even been dubbed. I really wonder how he plans to conclude the show when he’s so afraid to step out of the corner he painted himself in.

Again, not going into nuances. If you want you can ask for more specifics (i doubt anyone would) but this is really just a slightly detailed general overview of my opinions on astruc’s writing. 

I was going to include another miss in his approach to this show but imma save that for another time. 

How’s that for a ‘first’ post?

[flying-elliska]

Shadow and Bone Season 1 Review

Ok so I got distracted by a need to watch all of Ben Barnes' filmography (lmao) but here is my review : It was really fun to watch and it was clearly made with love which is already the main thing with YA fantasy, which is often turned into a soulless moneygrab when put on screen. The actors were GREAT. I did think that the Crows suffered from being mashed up with the Shadow and Bone story, but they were still a highlight. I also think it was a bit rushed, esp. when it came to Alina's training. The costumes were beautiful, I want a kefta now. Plus the crossover fanfic interactions btw the SaB characters and the Crows were just pure joy. Also Milo, obviously <3 I'm in hyperfixation mode so here, have an essay :

The "Shadow and Bone" Characters :

- Jessie Mei Li !!!!!! She really made me like Alina so much more than in the books, she absolutely is the 'human embodiment of literal sunshine' and she was a joy to watch. Her character's arc is cliché but her acting is so expressive and endearing, I really felt for her all the way through. (maybe I'm biased bc Jessie talking about her ADHD and seeing her thrive at the same time is like!!! i love them they deserve all the best.) I like that they made Alina more proactive - even though she does make some stupid decisions... but I just don't understand people who put that down as bad writing, like ??? have you ever met a real person who only makes wise, good decisions ?? a character like that would either be at the end of their story or just in the background because that makes them static. The things with the maps in the beginning does a good job of illustrating how she is just this one girl making rash, erratic decisions out of fear and loyalty and doesn't have a sense of the bigger picture, caught in the tide of bigger events. It works for her character. When it comes to the choice of making her half-Shu, I do think it really makes sense re: her character feeling like an outsider but I do understand the criticisms that the microaggressions felt too relentless and one-note. I am really looking forward to them introducing Tamar and Tolya and hopefully connecting to them over her heritage in a more positive way.

- Mal in the books was one of the most annoying YA characters I've ever come across, so I really liked that they made him much more of a loyal, devoted friend. I found his relationship with Alina cute, it really gives us the sense that these are two orphans who found a home in each other, childhood best friends (and potential sweethearts) separated by war, two army grunts and ordinary people caught up in the wheels of power and war that usually crushes people like them, it's a great way to introduce the dynamics of their world and it's a trope that always makes me emo. It felt a bit too one note to me, though, and too heavily on the nose, like Mal's only personality was his attachment to Alina (and his resentment towards the Grisha) and too much of her emotional arc also relied on him. Them hitting us over the head with the meadow scenes felt like pure telling instead of showing and it ended up being super repetitive and kind of annoying. I am willing to like this pairing, but I wanted more scenes of them just having conversations about things and really understanding why they like each other beyond the whole childhood friends bond that we're asked to accept exists at the beginning. So I hope there's more depth there in next seasons.

- Ben Barnes!!!! Just jksdfhgkdjghdf. I'm not a big villain stan usually and I hated the Darkling in the books but DAMN his performance is just amazing. They managed to make him more sympathetic and human while at the same time making clear the stuff he does is deeply horrible. There's the Magneto-aspect of 'well clearly his methods are fucked up but he's addressing a terrible injustice nobody is doing anything about' that makes it very tempting to root for him ; and again, well, like, Ben Barnes is so hot and charismatic it feels uncomfortable (which I guess is part of the point lol). His loss of humanity is, up to a point, understandable, brought about by despair, loneliness, grief and a sense of powerlessness - living so long he starts to see other people as disposable, losing so many people he stops caring, seeing over and over how hate never seems to stop, etc. It's a logical explanation for going insane.

But the hunger for power is also very much present as a motivation and this ambiguity is there constantly. Does he maybe come to genuinely care for Alina or is it totally bullshit ? I think he does, he's just so fucked up that it comes out as possessiveness and a need to control her. He wants Alina to be his equal but he's incapable of treating her that way. It's tragic, in a sense, but the show doesn't excuse his actions either. Like his monstrosity is a product of this world full of injustice, yes, and that warrants some compassion, monsters are always a symptom of their environment in some ways and dehumanizing them completely is an excuse ; but at the same time, he sabotaged his own cause anyway the moment he started to treat other people like things, as he does with Alina, because that just perpetuates the cycle of violence and hate. At some point he started feeling like he was the only solution and he was owed power for his sacrifices, and he's using his cause as an excuse. When Alina came to him, there was a possibility for redemption, taking down the Fold, and it's a test because there is finally someone on his level of power. But instead of seeking to remedy the power imbalance between them, he made it worse, by lying to her, manipulating her, etc, and the antler collar is the ultimate sign of this.

I love those scenes towards the end (the antler-based body horror has big Hannibal vibes, so messed up). I like Alina telling him they could have had this, that she had compassion for him and his cause, that they could have worked together, and he's the one responsible for screwing it up and this time his claim that he's the misunderstood victim ("Make me your villain") appears delusional and self-serving instead of somewhat justified. The almost-lovers to enemies vibes, the sense of lost potential, and the angst of the whole 'oh you could finally have been loved by people, too bad you fucked it up !', very juicy. There is this fundamental idea that power/respect/love is not something you are owed no matter how good your intentions are or because you're strong or you have suffered or you're willing to commit horrible drastic actions, you have to keep proving you deserve it, and trying to claim power without responsibility of care turns you into a monster. The thing with the stag was an excellent metaphor of the fact that there's things you can't take, they have to be given to you, and the wonderful power there is in understanding that is what allows Alina to harness the stag amplifier's power. This is really when she escapes his grim utilitarian outlook and a different way forward and owns her own power fully on her own terms.

Anyway I hope Alina gets to beat the shit out of him at some point that would be very sexy but I'm also looking forward to see how their arcs parallel and diverge from each other as Alina starts to grapple more with the implications of her power and the harsh dilemmas of war and her own dark side. I want to see him become scared of her, and I feel it will be more visible than in the books where he just has this cold aggressive facade all the time. This one feels a lot more openly emotional which is just a lot more interesting.

- As for the other characters ; Zoya mostly made me sad. The actress has the perfect vibes but I'm not sure I love their take on her character so far, it does make sense in terms of the later books - that she has internalized prejudice regarding her mixed-race heritage, that she is jealous of Alina because of how hard she's fought to get where she is and Alina kind of takes it away from her, etc. But I would have liked to see a bit more of her being badass and sharp-tongued in a clever (even if mean) way instead of spending most of her time being rejected by men and being racist towards Alina. I did like the ending though, of her actually seeing the monstrosity of the Darkling in action and the mention of her aunt. And her brief bonding with Inej was great, just because it was badass but also maybe because it could be a part of Zoya learning to accept her Suli heritage in turn, maybe not right away but in time, when thinking of that part of herself, she won't only think of her parents' ruined marriage and all the pain it caused, but also of that badass and brave acrobat girl who went toe to toe with these really scary monsters without even having any powers and !!!!!

- Also Leigh's cameo was so cute and as an aspiring writer this is just such wish fulfillment

- I honestly think that having the Crows there actually made the S&B story better ? Not only in terms of the much needed levity breaks but also in terms of themes. For instance, Matthias and Nina's story gave us a really raw and visceral view of how the Grisha are hunted. And Inej's relationship to Alina really gave us a sense of what Alina actually means to people who believe in the Saints in a way that doesn't feel just like 'ugh those superstitious people' because we know that Inej's faith is part of what makes her who she is and a person with morals, and something that saw her through the worst moments of her life. It feels so special that she got to meet Alina and given a sign that maybe the world is not completely shitty. And Alina's kindness towards Inej really gives you a sense that she might be, or become worthy of that belief in time, or at least that she wants to, that she's figuring out her power to really touch people's lives might be a good thing, and that she's starting to accept this responsibility more fully. And her arming Inej is a nice parallel to that. I'm very emotional about this scene, because one of the first things we see of young Alina is her taking out a knife to defend Mal from the bullies, because she's protective and brave, but she's also aware the world is a shitty place, and so her giving that knife to Inej is a sort of spiritual transmission and recognition of sorts, that she trusts Inej with that fighting power, that she'll use this knife to defend herself and her loved ones and not abuse it. It's so interesting. And a counter point to the Darkling's fucked up relationship to power that Alina might at some point get afraid she'll replicate. That you could see Alina trying to gather followers and using people's admiration for her like he did but instead she sets them free and empowers them. It's great. And I feel that when Inej takes to the seas, she'll think about Alina. (I do hope somebody tells her Alina's not dead at some point though god). Girls giving each other knives is my spirituality, honestly.

- And I also noticed an interesting parallel between Kaz and the Darkling in terms of being two emo dudes who like to wear black, are prone to violence and have a thing for two very powerful women they think are special and want to have at their side, but of course, they go about it in very different ways. The Darkling comes at it from a place of power while Kaz comes from a place of utter powerlessness, first of all, and he understands why it's important to set Inej free. Him spending the entire season trying to earn enough money to pay off Inej's indenture is the opposite to the Darkling putting that collar on Alina and while I do have issues with how the show portrays him, I do love that. Love is about setting the person you love free !!!! And that confrontation scene was so powerful, when Kaz tells the Darkling Alina was tired of being a captive ! Drag him !

- As for Genya, I liked the actress and her chemistry with Alina, but I'm not sure they did a great job of making her arc very clear, for instance what it means for her to get that red kefta, her relationship with the other Grisha, etc. Her and David are already very cute though. Also very much looking forward to see where that goes.

So yeah I think they did a great job with this bit actually, I enjoyed a lot more than I think I would and even though it is a very tropey story, there's plenty of depth there too.

The Crows :

- I'm a bit more nitpicky about this because I care about these characters so much. I think overall the problem is that the SaB story in the books happens on this massive scale with enormous stakes, and that next to that the Crows' issues feel less important ; it's like their impact is distorted by the gravity of the much larger story. Like for instance, Kaz in the books is very much at the center of everything, this larger than life trickster figure who knows and controls almost everything by sheer cleverness, and he has this sense of allure and mystique that can't happen here, and so his aura just shrinks. On top of that they're not on their home turf. Being introduced to these characters before they've reached their full levels of badass is weird - there is a reason why prequels generally happen after the main stuff, because they count on the love you have for these characters at their full potential to make you interested in their story when they were less badass and interesting. So I had several moments where I was like 'oh this feels wrong'. Tbh the idea that they would even volunteer to kidnap Alina in the first place, what with Inej's backstory, feels kind of wrong, esp since they had no idea of what would happen to her if they succeeded.

- But I still enjoyed a lot of it though, especially the fact that they were this force of chaos in the midst of this bigger narrative that's a lot more self-serious. The bits with the train, or the circus acts were very clever. A lot of the best moments in the show happen when they come to disturb the other plot in unexpected ways. I'm still dead over the whole 'Alina jumps into their carriage' scene, that was fucking gold. The team up at the end !!!! Alina and Kaz making a deal ! Inej stabbing the Darkling !!!! Them stealing the Darkling's carriage !!! They don't give a shit that the story is supposed to be super dramatic it's great.

- Jesper is the one character they completely nailed from start to finish and he's probably my favorite part of the whole show. He's very funny without being reduced to the role of comic relief ; he's just so! damn! cool!!!!!!! I honestly feel this is a thing they actually did even better than in the books, or at least Six of Crows where I felt Jasper kind of disappeared behind Kaz and they insist a lot on his flaws and issues. So before we dig more into those problems I love that they gave him time to be this ultra badass who saves the day several times ; while at the same time, hinting at further developments like his powers or his gambling issues. Kit Young is just perfect, confident without being arrogant, a bit cold when it comes to crime while at the same time being so obviously caring with Inej - I loved their friendship, that was so sweet. My main criticism is that they should have made it clearer he was bi because there are already people calling him gay and that's very annoying. I know some people had a problem with his hookup and like...I can see it's a bit of a cliché...the charming badass bisexual adventurer....it's a trope I kind of love though lmao and the scene itself felt kind of cute and fun. He's not the only person who is shown to have an active sexuality and he's also not the only queer person around and we know he's going to have a more substantial romantic arc later so eh. On a larger note I loved the little casual hints of completely normalized queerness - Nadia thirsting over Zoya, Fedyor and Ivan, Poppy, etc. Having grown up with fantasy where queerness was either completely erased or very tormented and problematic, this was refreshing as hell.

- Inej and Kaz...my faves... They have a kind of relationship which feels so rare and unique in terms of what exists on TV and while I don't feel they entirely replicated it, the core is still there - the mutual respect and building of trust, the longing, the repression, the trauma, etc. One thing I really like is their arc around faith - in the books, Kaz is dismissive of Inej's faith in ways that often feel really shitty and I like that he learns to be more respectful of it. It's very much linked to hope/survival ; Inej keeps this token from her parents and she hopes to find them again ; Kaz tells her it's no use and she'll survive better if she gives up. He believes Alina is a fake, while Inej wants to believe that myths can come true and there is hope for good things in the world. Kaz comes to accept that Alina is the real deal and, out of respect for Inej's faith, to stop pursuing her. I loved the bit about Inej struggling to kill as well - it's the dilemma of what her survival and that of the people she really cares about are worth in such a shitty world - her compassion is a good part of her but so is her survival instinct, and that's the part Kaz represents - that even after she's been through hell, broken in unfathomable ways, even if she gave up all hope and faith in the world, even she becomes dangerous and ruthless to survive, she will still deserve dignity, and to be treated better. And meanwhile she is willing to break her principles, which she holds so dearly, to save him, when he's never had anyone who cared for him like that - enough to keep him alive. That bit in the church !!!!! God !!!!!! Bye !!!!!!! And then him basically calling her his own version of a Saint, that he doesn't believe in miracles but he does believe in her !!! It's very emblematic of their whole arc ; he empowers her to survive in a ruthless world and loves her at her most dangerous ; but he loves her laugh too, he finds her a ship and her parents, he honors her capacity for love and hope even when he can't share it. And she sees that he's capable of doing better, that he's worth caring for. This whole thing kills me honestly and I can't wait to see where they take this next. I'm not mad they're a bit more soft and obvious than in the books, Kaz would just have come across as an an asshole otherwise.

- That said, there are bits of how they introduced their backstories I don't like. I get that making it so Inej was still tied to the Menagerie gave them a very powerful reason to want to kidnap Alina beyond greed so that they wouldn't look like very shitty people. But in the books Inej is terrified by the idea of simply seeing Heleen or the Menagerie and the way they have her interact with her feels weirdly casual and dismissive of her trauma. Also, in the books, the fact that Kaz had to convince Per Haskell to buy Inej's contract through a lot of effort, that he wasn't the one holding that above her head either, made the power dynamics more palatable. I especially disliked the scene where Kaz says he won't free other girls because just Inej is special, it makes him look like he has the power but he's just too much of a callous asshole to do it, and that he just freed Inej because he liked her which is absolutely not what their relationship is about at the start, it's a lot more about seeing Inej's dangerous side behind a facade of powerlessness and relating to her, in a sense, and this scene made it all feel cheap.

- Also, what was that about Inej having a brother ? Not a fan of that either. I'm afraid they're going to make her story all about finding what happened to him, and that's 1) too on the nose similar to Kaz's story and 2) it kind of cheapens her own arc, a female character realizing that what was done to her was wrong, reclaiming her own power and dignity and then making sure it doesn't happen to anybody else, harnessing her personal experience to save strangers, that's so powerful - making it about a family member at first, especially if it's about revenge, it's so much more simplistic and unoriginal and the perspective really annoys me.

- Also not a fan of Per Haskell not being there because he's a very important part of Kaz's evolution, so I hope he shows up eventually - and the way they introduced Pekka Rollins was kind of like...weird and out of place. I just found the Crows' introduction scenes stilted and not as cool as they should have been - well, Jesper and Inej were very cool, but we needed to see Kaz in action first, we needed to see why he's such a menace before we see him flounder later, and I just...I don't know exactly but it didn't work for me. Also this is a very petty thing but I wasn't crazy about the Ketterdam sets, I know this is probably a budget thing but in my head it looked like this incredible mix of Amsterdam and Venice - specific locations in the book directly remind me of parts of Amsterdam I know very well - and instead what we got felt like this very generic London-ish fantasy setting....so boring. Also a lot of scenes that felt to exposition-y. I don't mind that Kaz was a bit softer than in the books, like many people have said some things work in books and don't work on a screen, and you need to make the character's inner dynamics more explicit. But I do agree that, at the same time, he should have been more ruthless towards people outside of his group. Loved that scene where he faces the Inferni though, and how well they illustrated his disability and aversion to touch.

- I don't have that much to say about Nina and Matthias ; I'm still not super sold on the whole 'haha misogyny!' thing and I dislike that so much of Matthias' change of heart relies on the fact that he finds Nina hot. But I did think that the actors had enough chemistry to make their scenes together interesting and cute ; I loved the waffle scene. Even though it's disappointing that they didn't find an actress who was more clearly plus size for Nina, I still think Danielle does a good job bringing her bold, unapologetic energy. I'm really looking forward to seeing the Crows as a whole team.

So yeah, even though the season didn't feel like a perfect, coherent whole, it was just a lot of fun and I really hope they get renewed. In particular I feel like tying the first trilogy to the Crows' story could create such interesting parallels in terms of themes, about power, the cost of survival, hope, trauma, etc etc

[peepspersonalperspective]

Blackpink: Light Up The Sky

3/5

I’m a Blink, or at least I believe I am. I love the power in their music, in their choreography, their attitude and their fashion, all of it ...full love!

So I’m one of those people who had to watch their documentary the moment it was realeased in the middle of a working day (Kind of grateful for WFH right now)

I wanted to get to know them more. I see their variety episodes on Youtube, and it’s fun and stuff, being mostly a setup or a game or specific activity, but I also kind of want to relate and enter their real, natural world, which so far I’ve always felt shut out from. Like there’s a glass wall between us, I can feel the vibrations of their sound, I can see them lit in all their vibrance, but I can’t reach them. Now, I don’t know if it’s because of YG restrictions or what, but yeah that’s just my feeling, especially as an international fan, not locally based in South Korea, having as much exposure as a Korean resident Blink probably would. 

Anyway so I was super excited to check out their documentary, that promised unseen footage from trainee days, and childhood etc. And we got a whole bunch of it, especially in the first half. How they came to be, how they got into the whole ordeal, everything we kind of already knew, but backed up with some footage, and spelled out to us.

JENNIE: 

Jennie says she doesn’t like talking about herself, and I guess she lives up to her word. We do see some unseen footage of her schooling life in New Zealand, which was adorable. The entire time I couldn’t help but wonder how she got a pink cast on her hand, and what’s the story there? Beyond that it was pretty on the surface kind of stuff, and a little anecdote from her Pilates instructor. She did show her consternation about the restrictions on drinking, partying, and losing friends along the way, as trainees kept dropping out of the program, and a very brief moment of reflection on missing out on high school, and all the memories, regular teenagers get to make in their adoloscence. But yeah, was it really new information? 

LISA:

Things I learned about Lisa -

1. She loves vintage clothes, and loves spending on them, a constant concern for her mother who handles her finances.

2. She and Rose confided in each other whenever they felt like outsiders, almost picking up her Australian accent. She also took Jennie’s help a lot who was the only English speaking trainee when she joined.

3. She had the weirdest style and hairdo when she auditioned for YG.

4. She thinks she goes overboard in trying to cheer up her members, but they convince her that her positivity is what they really need.

JISOO:

Jisoo spoke about her family and her upbringing, and her general outlook, which was a new side to see. We also got a little insight about her fondness for writing or art, almost destined for the creative field. We also got to know how ill Jisoo was before the Coachella performance. She also spoke how blessed she was for having had a bit of normal life, school friends et. al, before entering the entertainment industry. That was quite interesting.

ROSE:

I think I enjoyed watching her the most. Her passion for music, her insecurities, her vulnerability, her perseverence, really showed. There was a much too brief a home video of her pajama show, and we also got to see her tinker with the demo for What You Waiting For by Somi. Her personality shined, and I genuinely feel a little closer to Rose, from what she was willing reveal about herself, more than any of the other girls. 

However, my favourite person in this entire documentary is producer Teddy Park, former 1TYM rapper, and just such a chiller. The way he described the girls, the way he interacted with them, their respect for him, and just the overall relationship they share was such a treat to watch! Also, he’s so darn well spoken. 

The girls talk about the future, at dinner, where the poor waiter reminds them and apologizes for not treating them better when they dined there during their traineeship. They talk about kids and getting married, meeting Halsey. And then poof, roll credits. What? That ended so quickly! I thought we were just getting started! That was disappointing, because there’s still so much to learn about the girls. Then again, perhaps that was the idea? To keep us Blinks wanting more!

I must say I was very pleased to see BTS also feature a little when they talk about the rise of K-Pop globally, and I thought to myself, how great it is to see that both groups are able to represent their country, their individual brands, support each other, without the baggage of competition or fan wars.

In closing, I’d like to say, it’s an easy watch, it reminds you why we love Blackpink music, makes you miss concerts, but my only complaint is I want more! I don’t think this documentary even scratched the surface of what the girls are about individually and/or together. Nevertheless, if you’re a new Blink or wanting to learn a little bit more about Hallyu and K-Pop, this could be a good introduction into that world.

[trash0receptacle]

Stress pt. 2

(This is based on my personal issues and stuff more as a way to cope. I’m not romanticizing any of mental illness and my goal is not to offend anyone. I also feel I should put a warning so trigger warning for: Depression, Anixety, Mentions of Anorexia, and death.)

If you feel any like this may trigger you then feel free to skip it.

My dms are open but I don’t have notifications turned on however I’m fairly active on here. With that out of the way

With the statement left hanging in the air the atmosphere of the room turned serious. Mc gained a vacant and sad expression.

“What do you mean it happened before you got here?” Satan questioned

“Mc, you know you can trust us right?” Asked them avatar of envy

This got a chuckle out of Mc who uncharacteristically said

“Trust is bullshit.... everyone I’ve trusted has either lied to me, hurt me, or left me. Trust isn’t exactly something I believe in anymore.”

The brothers had never seen Mc speak with such bitterness and sadness. It was shocking coming from the human who acted like an angel.

“Mc, I-“ Lucifer tried to say but was cut off by mammon

“Mc who hurt ya” Mammon questioned very angrily

“It’s a long list”

Mammon just hugged Mc tighter while the others stared holes into Mc’s clouded eyes.

“I know if I say what happened I won’t be able to stop. If I tell you guys then I’ll end up telling you everything and it’s not your fault I’ve had a lot of shitty stuff happen to me.”

“Mc you don’t need to feel like your burdening us with your problems honey.” Asmo murmured

“If I tell you just promise me you guys won’t you know hurt people because I have a feeling you guys might get a little angry” Mc painfully laughed

All of the brothers nodded thinking Mc must have been exaggerating but where soon to find out they weren’t.

“Well let’s start when my childhood ended, when the person I never thought I could live without left, my aunt. The person I had to watch die and suffer for months unbeknownst to myself. When at 12 years old I stayed by her side every day because I didn’t want her to feel alone. The person who plagues my dreams and subconscious. Then in middle school how I was mocked for being “sad” about how I watched my life be torn apart in front of me. How my parents became stricter and distant quick to punish me for anything. How my tract record for being everyone’s therapist started. When I started telling people how they matter and shouldn’t off themselves. How I avoided my own internal demons by consoling others who would later hurt me. Then how all I became good for was advice and I had no one I could vent to not even my therapist. After that I started starving myself because I couldn’t bring myself to cut. My friends cut but I wouldn’t because I couldn’t let anyone know how broken I truly was. How I became horribly suicidal and almost committed suicide in 7th grade twice. Or how on my 13th birthday I was throwing up inside the restaurant bathroom and when o came out my parents shook me asking me if I did it on purpose. I still don’t know if I did or not. Then I got better. I was saved by my parents and my therapist however I was emotionally exhausted at this point. Then bam 8th grade happened. At this point because school had been easy for me I never had to try before and my grades plummeted so I stopped caring about school. My parents were always on my case about missing assignments and bad grades and everything. Not to mention when I tired to be kind to a girl getting bullied because I felt sympathy. I saw myself in her and told the other kids to knock it off. However I guess she took that as an insensitive to start harassing me and ultimately assaulting me for months. I was told I didn’t have a choice when I tried to stand up for myself so I disassociated. At the same time my only grandfather was diagnosed with a Brian tumor but the doctors were positive he would be okay. I had friends who were well connected because I went to catholic school so I was able to surprise my grandfather with being able to be on the field as his favorite football team warmed up. He got a signed football form the coach that he would keep in his family room next or his chair. However a month later he was put in hospice like my aunt. I couldn’t handle it so recently after the last time. But at least my aunt kept her personality unlike my grandfather who I had to watch be unable to care for himself and lose his memories. After that was blue well until my birthday that year which my dad forgot. Then my grandfather died a month later but I was unable to attend his funeral because of the coronavirus. How next I was almost put in the hospital for attempting to unalive and because I had starved myself to the point where I ate once a day. Then summer happened and I was happy again. My friends lifted my spirit but then they all got in relationships and didn’t need me anymore. So I became in their eyes a lying and narcissistic bitch. I was told I was fat and awful by them. And then I got okay again but still didn’t trust people and we arrive in the present. Oh well I forgot to mention my parents disowned me but that’s a another story.”

Mammon started to cry and hold Mc just wanting to feel like they could protect them. He knew Mc had been through a lot but to this extent he had no idea. He felt so angry that people did this to his human.He felt guilt for calling Mc a stupid human knowing it probably hurt mc.

Levi went over to Mc and hugged them from behind. He wasn’t the most affectionate person but he wanted to confirm they were here. He never wanted his Henry to feel like they didn’t matter. He felt guilty about telling them to die in arguments where his anger to the better of him.

Satan just sat there unsure of what to do or say. What could he say “hey I’m sorry you got assaulted?” His wrath wanted to destroy the people who did this to Mc but Mc seemed to believe it was their fault. They also seemed like they don’t want violence.

Asmo just sat next to Mc like Levi wanting to confirm they were there. He felt so bad about being so flirty and touchy now knowing why Mc seemed to be so modest. He wished he’d known because looking back in it he probably brought memories back mc wanted to forget.

Beel for once didn’t feel hungry so he left to go to the kitchen not for himself but for Mc. Mc said they used to starve themselves? This is why the offer him their food. He felt shameful for eating it knowing the truth now.

Belphie just put his head on mc’s lap. They let him do it before so he figured it was fine. Even with all of Mc’s personal stuff they still wanted to help him. He wouldn’t let Mc feel like that again.

Lucifer was shell shocked. His pride wouldn’t let him show emotion so he left. He went to his office to find Mc’s file. None of this was in it. He talked to Diavolo informing him of the sudden “update”. He wanted to talk to Mc privately but figured he’d need to wait.

Mc felt guilty. “I knew I shouldn’t have said anything” “look now they hate you”. They really couldn’t handle all of this right now and asked for some space to think. Much to the brothers dismay they left knowing if Mc truly wanted to be alone they would be able to use their pact.

Lucifer however didn’t have a pact with Mc so he didn’t have to listen. Knowing they would be alone he asked them to come to his study.

When they arrived he just held mc.

Note: Yeah I didn’t know how to finish and I’m a little sick so please don’t be that critical. And I’m alright now I just know that a lot of people (myself included) find comfort or something similar when reading angst. It can help them with their issues etc. Anyway have a wonderful day or night loves

- Caroilne