#(and then cry over the fact that they arent real people lol) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hello-yue-here · 3 years

Note

About your atla ship songs, I have a couple of questions (sorry if my phrasing comes out wrong, english isn't my first language and I worry it might across as accidentally defensive): how did you end up with the choices for zukka, jetko and yuekka (note: I haven't seen the great comet, so feel free to obsess over it, I'm intrigued now and the hype is appreciated!)? Sidenote: I think the mailee choice is HILARIOUS and the tokka one just make me sad, I didn't expect to be attacked like this😭

kdjfha;s i love you im gonna obsess SO HARD over great comet now. you may regret this

this is gonna be so long so the rest is under the cut whoops

yuekka: no one else from great comet

where do i even begin. WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN

okay so background information on this show: it's based off of a 76 oages excerpt from war and peace and its centered around a woman named natasha (and this guy pierre but he's irrelevant to this song so we wont worry about him) and natasha's bethrothed is off fighting in the war right now. she hasn't seen him in a while but she is in love with him.

every single lyrics of this song SCREAMS yuekka to me. the innocence and purity of their love. the love at first sight. and even the melancholy ending just- i go apeshit for this song. i love this song so much. and denee benton's voice??? kljsdhflwksugf please listen to this song if you haven't already. listen to the whole show. your life will be changed forever.

onto the lyrics (i stg this is ab to be the whole song whoops)

"the moon"

THOSE ARE THE FIRST WORDS ON THE SONG. natasha and andre (her bethrothed) met underneath the moonlight. Sokka and Yue first spoke to eachother at night and always met each other for their most intimate moments under the moonlight. also yue is LITERALLY the moon so like: right of the bat with those two words it's yuekka.

"and i saw your eyes / and i saw your smile / and the world opened wide"

sokka fell in love with yue the moment he saw her in the canal. she literally enchanted this motherfucker. everything about her made his heart go crazy. and 'the world opened wide' to me is from yue's perspective. Yue had never left the north pole and sokka had seen a good chuck of the world at the point. He took her on appa, he told her about his adventures. he saw the world yue wished to see and you know damn well that Sokka would have done anything to give it to her.

"oh the moon /oh the snow in the moonlight / and your childlike eyes and your distant smile / ill never be this happy again / you and i and no one else"

natasha sings fondly about the moon and the snow, seeing as it was where she fell in love with andre. yue and sokka LITERALLY fell in love in the same place: in the snowy nothern water tribe under the light of the moon. childlike eyes: THEYRE CHILDREN!!! distant smile: this is where it gets a little sad. theyre both children with way too many duties during a world that has known nothing but war for the past century. they want to be happy but yeah, theyre smiles are distant and far away because happiness seems out of reach for them most of the time. i'll never be this happy again: the moments yue and sokka shared together were probably the happiest either of them ever were. they were able to ignore the war and the world in the moments they shared together. and with no one else. no one else would be able to give each other this sense of peace and happiness and love.

"joy and life inside our souls / and no body knows just you and me / it's our secret"

Yue and Sokka had to sneak out in secret at night to go and see each other. Yue and Sokka couldn't be together for real because Yue was already engaged, but they were literally in love so she decided to see him anyways in secret. kasdjfhklasjd im losing my mind over them at this point.

"this winer sky / how can anyone sleep / there was never such a night before / i feel like putting my arms around my knees / and squeezing tight as possible / and flying away"

these are my FAVORITE lines in the entire song. yue and sokka had never felt this strongly about anyone before and that's why they are so drawn to each other. they had never experienced love before and they wanted to hold onto it for as long as they could even though they knew they couldnt. Sokka takes yue up on appa and she is wistful and wishes she could live like he does every day: ie flying away. oh my god these two deserved so much better. so much fucking better.

now for the saddes part. the saddest fucking part.

"maybe he'll come today / maybe he came already / and he's sitting in the drawing room / and i simply forgot"

natasha misses andre so intensely at this point. when i first listened to this show and heard this song i was like "wait a min... is andre like... dead?" and im sure i wasnt the only person who assumed that this was why natasha felt so sad by the end of such a beautiful song. (spoiler alert andre is fine)

but this line really exemplifies how sad natasha is, and hints at the fact that andre may never come back. it implies that their relationship is doomed (at least in my opinion) and that's all yuekka. Sokka misses yue intensely when shes gone. Yue accepted her fate almost immediately but sokka was in denial. he thought there had to be another way. but in the end it wasn't meant to be. and sokka will go on, loving yue, wishing for her back, even though it's not possible.

fuck im gonna cry.

zukka: all i've ever known- hadestown

"i was alone so long / i didn't even know that i was lonely / out in the cold so long / i didnt even know that i was cold"

sokka is from the swt so theres where the cold comes in. also in the gaang (initially) it was just him katara and aang. and katara and aang were much closer to each other than sokka was with aang and the two of them were benders so sokka was kind of an outsider with the two of them. He also represses a lot of his emotions and feels the need to do everything himself so i do see a lot of loneliness in sokka. and the fact that so many people in his life have left him (his mom, yue, his dad, suki briefly, etc...) he is known to keep people at an arms length. i see a lot of loneliness in sokka.

zuko's loneliness is a lot more obvious: he has literally been cast out and abandoned by everyone except iroh. and even then he still feels the need to be alone (remember zuko alone? thought so) these boys look after themselves and push others away and revel in their loneliness in order to keep themselves from getting hurt. at least in my opinion on canon and also some fanon because id be a liar if i said fanon didnt influence how i view ALL my ships (not just zukka)

"all ive ever known is how to hold my own / but now I wanna hold you too"

COME ONE MANNNN, they just wanna hold each other. theyre both very big protectors as well and kljhflkasdhg they wanna protect eachother like kljdhfl im gonna lose it rn.

"You take me in your arms / And suddenly there's sunlight all around me / Everything bright and warm / And shining like it never did before / And for a moment I forget / Just how dark and cold it gets"

SUNLIGHT SYMBOLISM. zuko is literally powered by the sun. i don't think i even NEED to elaborate on this one anymore lol. They find comfort in each other away from all of their trauma. when they're together nothing else matters and i personally love that for them. they both deserve love.

"I knew you before we met / And I don't even know you yet / All I know is your someone I have always known"

these two are extremely similar in canon. many parallels. older brothers overshadowed by their prodigy little sisters. longing to make their fathers proud (granted one dad is good and one is fuckin evil), both are pretty bad with emotions. both are seen protecting others before themselves (sokka protecting suki during the serpant's pass, sokka protecting toph on like multiple occassions, zuko protecting katara in the final agni kai), the list goes on. they know who the other is because they see themselves in the other person. they already know each other because they are each other (in a way, not entirely, but the similarities are strong in my opinion)

"I'm gonna hold you forever / The wind will never change on us / Long as we stay with each other / Then it will always be like this"

i just think this line is so cute and sweet (ignoring all the symbolism and foreshadowing that comes with the last line in the musical itself. im gonna pretend this is nothing but happy) and i think these boys deserve happiness so yeah. this song is zukka to me lol.

jetko: thrill of first love- falsettoes

if you've never listened to this song go an do it now. you will know INSTANTLY that it is jetko because of the dynamics alone. marvin and whizzer are pure jetko and i take no crticisms.

marvin and whizzer are both extremely stubborn, and they don't always get along, and they fight a lot, and they get mad at each other a lot, and they are both passionate as hell, and they will bring this passion into everything. they love each other that is without a doubt, but they arent perfect and they are once again stubborn and determined as fuck.

sound familiar? it's literally jetko.

the lyrics aren't what remind me of jetko, but the dynamic itself. the lyrics are too on the nose for a gay couple in 1970's america so that rlly cant apply to jetko all that much. but the way these two characters bounce off of each other and get annoyed with each other and argue with eachother reminds me of jetko. because let's be honest: these two are the most stubborn characters in the whole show. they will fight for what they believe and it will take literally everything to change their minds.

i love jetko but i think they would have petty arguments all the time and get aggravated by one another so easily. and this is even seen in canon: they work so fucking well together but they did not even HESITATE to fight one another after neither of them would give in and let the fight about whether jet was right or wrong about zuko being a firebender. like i cannot say it enough they are stubborn as fuck.

but underneath all that stubborn pettiness and bickering: marvin and whizzer still love each other. and jet and zuko would still love each other. because even though they are stubborn when it comes to arguments, they are even more stubborn and determined when it comes to each other. these two passionate motherfuckers are in love.

(now when i chose this song i decided to ignore the fact that this song literally spells out the fact that marvin and whizzer's relatinoship is doomed because they literally say passion dies. thats the difference between jetko and whizzer and marvin because i dont think passion dies. i chose this song strictly for the bickering lmao)

and i know you didnt ask about tokka but,,,,

i rlly wanna talk about the tokka one

so im going to

tokka: on my own- les mis

look. i KNOW this song is about unrequited love and i love tokka as a couple but,,, the unrequited love in this song just SCREAMS unrequited tokka to me so thats what i went with.

eponine is a girl who has neglectful parents who lives life by her own rules: toph. eponine is shown to be tough and confident and spunky to others but behind all of that she has emotions, she feels love, she hides her vulnerability so much: toph. she is in love with a guy she cant be with because he loves someone else: TOPH

eponine is toph to a t and toph is eponine to a t. this is not up for debate lmao

"without him i feel his arms around me"

toph is always seen grabbing onto someone (and its almost ALWAYS sokka) when she's somewhere where she can't use her feet to see. FEEL and ARMS cmon. look at it.

"and i know / i know that he is blind"

COME ON. IMAGINE TOPH SINGING THIS LINE. this line is already powerful enough in les mis but having toph, a blind character, sing it just makes the symbolism even deeper. toph sees the potential relationship they could have together. toph sees that sokka is oblivious to this. toph is not blind to the truth or the potention, but sokka is blind to her feelings. im about to lose my mind over this line.

"I love him / But every day I'm learning / All my life / I've only been pretending / Without me / His world will go on turning / A world that's full of happiness / That I have never known"

i need to sit down for a moment. toph grew up in a household where her parents did not understand her. she has learned to hide her true emotions and vulnerabilities from everyone. and its the fact that toph knows that she and sokka will never be together and the fact that she still loves him in spite of that is what makes this even more heartbreaking.

"but only on my own"

TOPH AND EPONINE SWEETIES I LOVE YOU

thank you for indulging my theatre kid nonsense. you are very sweet and kind and lovely and awesome and i hope you have a lovely day bestie :) <3

ask me why i think these songs go with these ships

#asks #liv is a theatre nerd #liv is an atla nerd #yuekka #zukka #jetko #tokka #ask me about my ship songs

13 notes · View notes

wherearemyglassesbro · 4 years

Text

Mha style quirks for h/etalia characters :) shhh....SHHH...quiet down...SHHH this is a secret

Francis: I think he’d have a quirk similar to Monoma’s where he can copy and use quirks as he fights after touching someone. He can use only one at a time but can ‘store’ five for 5 minutes each. I like to think of him pretending to be hurt in order to touch whoever he’s sparring with *cougharthurcough* to get their quirk. It’s kinda cheating but who cares! The only classmates that can really beat him are those who have quirks where they can shoot things at him or where they can fight from afar to do damage that way otherwise he’ll use their powers against them :0 the worst thing that could happen to him though is that he runs out of time with all of his ‘borrowed’ quirks and now he has nothing to fight with at all...uh oh. If a teammate lets him touch them then he’s fine :)

Alfred: Uhhh Al can hulk out kinda but his quick is called ‘rodeo’ cause he becomes like...a bull. Like his upper half gets huge and he just fuckin bulldozes people down with no mercy. He holds back in training just cause he doesn’t want to hurt his friends cause he WILL cry if he does lmao but if it were a real fight he could easily knock someone out. He can carry his classmates with ease, lift heavy things without breaking a sweat, that kind of stuff! Pretty much the ultimate himbo of his class :) but he isn’t stupid he’s very good at coming up with strategies. You better go see him play football. It almost isn’t fair that he even gets to play cause he’s so strong but he tones it down to ‘play fair’...as fair as it can be :)

Laura: Laura is pretty much made of rubber! If she jumps off of a high surface she’ll bounce, if you hit her she’ll bounce back, if you shoot her she bullet will bounce back too but leave a bruise. She is definitely hero material! She can easily save people from crumbling buildings or from things falling on them cause she absorbs the blow. Her speed and punches arent fantastic but when whoever she’s fighting with gets tired after trying to punch her over and over, she can win with a few well aimed blows! Her weakness is heat for sure, she’ll start to melt kinda which is pretty painful so if fire is involved, she keeps her distance and works on crowd control

Vlad: (tw blood) Vlad can manipulate blood and wounds, which is a very scary quirk to have. If you don’t have wounds he can’t really do much other than lower or raise your blood pressure which is scary either way it if you have a cut or scrape he can manipulate it to turn into a huge gash that’ll bleed out quick. At the same time, he’s good to have on your team cause he can close wounds too and stop bleeding from occurring, it goes both ways. The only downside is that he has to be within a few feet of the person he wants to damage/heal so he has to get a bit too close for comfort. With his friends, he’s very kind and nurturing though!!! If you got a paper cut he’d fix it right up for you!! At the same time, he’s also gotten in trouble for widening other people’s paper cuts or skinned knees on purpose just cause he didn’t like them lmao

Arthur: Art is also dangerous, his quirk is that he can shoot acid out of glands on his wrists. (Yes Spider-Man is my inspiration here). He can shoot it a few meters! And it’s potent too like it’ll give you chemical burns if it touches you. He keeps his wrists bandaged up at all times unless he’s training or fighting just in case acid leaks out by accident. He’d feel terrible if he hurt someone like that, he did it to his mum once and flipped out even though it wasn’t a big deal to her. Art’s little brother Peter made him thick, fabric cuffs for his wrists with minion fabric...he wears them when his family comes to visit. When he fights or spars with classmates he is always annoyed when Francis borrows his quirk cause he’s terrified that he’ll hurt someone by accident. Art himself took a long time to effectively figure his quirk out cause it’s so strange, he knows that that frog slurper has no clue how to use it!!! Ugh!

Michelle: Michelle can essentially melt herself or parts of herself down into a liquidy sludge. She can move around as the sludge too. She can go through cracks in the ground, under doors, through the tiniest crack in a wall to get into a building, through vents, you name it! Her quirk is very helpful!! If an enemy stepped on her while she was in goop form, they’d slip and fall! Or if she gloop-ified her hand and stuck it in their eyes or face they’d be blinded and she could fight like that!! Her quirk isn’t really something she can use for hand to hand fighting but she’s still a useful teammate!! A scary looking side effect of her quirk is when she cries, her tears are just goopy green sludge :0 yuck. I mean- not yuck!!! Cool!! Haaa...

Antonio: Toni is pretty much Mrs Incredible. He’s stretchy and go a big ass so. Uh huh. He is a fantastic fighter, he knows his abilities well and the way he maneuvers himself around in whatever shape he’s taking always looks so practiced even if he’s literally a triangle or a parachute. He tangles enemies in his arms or sucker punches them from meters away (uh huh we’re using meters) and gosh dang!! He’s a hard hitter!! He is excited to be a hero :) he’s also a fantastic friend cause he can reach high places, unlock your car from the inside by sticking his hand in there, he can be a trampoline, dude whatever. His favorite pass time is tapping Arthurs shoulder in the hall from alllll the way down the hall from him with his long elastic arms lol. The amount of pranks this guy can pull is unlimited

Lovino: Lovino inhereted laser eyes from his father. His laser eyes are super powerful, he can cut through metal like cars or a person if he wanted to. He has the potential to be a great hero he’s just afraid of losing his freedom cause as a hero, the public eye is always on you. He joined the hero course with his brother because of the pressure from his grandpa so he’s very cold to his classmates cause he doesn’t really want to be there. Of course there’s a few that grow on him and he makes friends...shocker. Eventually, and you can already see it starting, he’ll have scars around his eyes from his quirk. His grandfather has it and his father had it too. The heat his quirk generates burns his own skin when he uses it so he tries not to use it outside of training and fighting. He wears sunglasses inside so people don’t look at his eyes...He’s a bit self concious about it even though he has very beautiful eyes :(

Feli: Feli did not inherently laser eyes instead he inhereted hypnotism. His quirk is weak compared to Lovi’s but as he’s gotten older, he’s strengthened himself a lot. If you look him in the eyes, he can make you do what he wants for a few minutes. He can only control two people at a time and he has to be close to them to do it but wowie, it can be scary to fight against him cause either you have to close your eyes or you just can’t look at him while you fight. Feli isn’t much of a fighter himself but if he can make others do it, he feels better about it lmao. He also wears sunglasses inside to avoid accidentally hypnotizing someone, he’d feel pretty bad about that

Roma: ^^^ Feli and Lovi’s grandpa who raised them. He was part of an original European pro-hero group. He, and his sons, all have eye related powers. Roma has laser vison, which Lovi inhereted. His other sons had some variant of laser vision amd X-ray vision. Feli’s hypnotizing eyes are a mix of his fathers eye related quirk and his mother’s hypnotizing quirk. Roma trained Lovi a lot but became frustrated with his grandson’s temper so he focused more on Feli. He loves his boys very much because they’re all he has left. All three of his sons are deceased and they didn’t have kids. Feli and Lovi’s dad was the eldest and his wife fled after his death. Roma is always smiling for his boys and the press but inside, he is still grieving. His laser vison is very powerful but it’s given him scars around his eyes, which itll eventually do for Lovi too. Lovi’s power is strong like his grandpas but Roma believes that his grandson is lazy and that he just isn’t training hard enough.

Yao: An original pro-hero who teaches young heroes now. He is more of a college level teacher but he does stop in to highschool level hero academies to substitute teach. His quirk is manipulating the dead. He can bring back three ghosts at a time and get them to use their quirks in a fight however, Yao becomes somewhat powerless as he controls the ghosts and admittedly, it takes a lot out of him to fight. But he’s still insanely popular cause watching him fight is mesmerizing, his skill and technique is so clean and practiced! He does demonstrations at hero academies to encourage students to be confident in their abilities as well as to never hold back in a real fight.

Gilbert: I envision Gil and Lud having quirks similar to Tenya and Tensei Iida. Gilbert has engines in his arms, making his punches bone breakingly hard omfg. He is Ludwig’s biggest fan, he’s always pushing him to be better, to train harder to fight harder. He’s always proud of him no matter what. They’re only 3 years apart and Ludwig is like a foot taller than him but he’s still a big brother!!!! Gil is very reckless so a hero career may not be something attainable for him just because he doesn’t listen and he often makes split second decisions that can/will get himself and others hurt. The plan is to start a hero trio group with Fran and Toni once they graduate but again, who knows how that’ll go

Ludwig: Like his brother, Lud also has engines but his are in his legs, making him insanely fast. He isn’t a fan of fighting hand to hand so he’s more likely to kick the shit out of someone or run around grabbing people to get them out of a dangerous area. Ludwig is only in the hero course because of his brother and he’s slowly coming to terms with the fact that he may not want to be a hero. That’ll change once he gets more experience in the field though! He’s never had so many friends before now, being surrounded by so many wanna-be-heroes encourages him more than anything! As he grows, he gets stronger and TALLER than most of his friends which is a shock to everyone. Ah yes...a growth spurt. Congrats nerd.

#shhh...I’ll come back to this eventually #I just wanted to get some ideas out #I know this is a messy post lol I did this in like 6 minutes lmao #hetalia #aph #aph france #aph america #aph england #aph Seychelles #aph china #aph prussia #aph spain #aph Rome #aph romano #aph germany

33 notes · View notes

saveyoua-seat · 4 years

Text

OTP TAG

I was tagged by the amazing @allisonaergents thank you SO MUCH for tagging me!!! This is so cool!!!

Pick 10 of your otps from different fandoms without reading the questions and then answer them. Then tag 10 other people to do the same.

(in no particular order)

Echo - RNM

Literati - Gilmore Girls

Kolvina - The Originals

Bonenzo - TVD

Merluca - Greys Anatomy

Brio - Good Girls

Tremmett - Station 19

Handon - Legacies

Darvey - Suits

Brunol - Merlí

Do you remember the episode/scene/chapter that you first started shipping 6?

I dont really remember it, but i do remember that I was already freaking out when Beth draped her necklace over the doorknob. So it was before that. I just looked it up and the necklace thing happened on 1x03???? Wow so i shipped them since the very beginning.

Have you ever read a fic about 2?

No, i always wanted to but I dont know if I can handle it lol

Has a picture of 4 ever been your screensaver/profile pic/tumblr?

Not that i remember, but when TVD was airing I was super obsessed with them so Im not sure.

If 7 were to suddenly break up today, what would your reaction be?

Well, we had 5 episodes with them and they broke up twice already so based on that id get pissed and hope they get back together again. But if they had broken up for good id probably do what i always do: move on. Alexa, play thank you next.

Why is 1 so important?

BECAUSE IT IS A TRUE LOVE STORY! Max has loved Liz for 10 fucking years even though she was gone and like checked on her father and waited on her every day. He saw her for the first time in 10 years and resurrected her risking everything. He also wrote her a beautiful letter before they even kiss. And he joined the biology club because she was in it even tho he hated science. Also, he died to bring her sister back. But the thing that really gets me is that theres no unnecessary drama, they love each other and care for each other and dont play any games. I just love it.

Which one has the strongest bond?

Echo & Kolvina, i think. Handon does have a strong bond too but Landon legit said that there was nothing for him to remember when in fact he had forgotten about Hope so

How many times have you read/watched 10′s fandom?

A LOT. Like, for real, I lost count. Although, the fandom really ruined Bruno for me. And to think he was my fave....

Which ship has lasted the longest?

Together? Kolvina. But overall Literati. Cause they loved each other from season 2 to the Revival.

How many times, if ever, has 6 broken up?

None, cause they never got together lol

If the world was suddenly thrust into a zombie apocalypse, which ship would make it out alive: 2 or 8?

Handon, cause they have, you know, powers.

Did 7 ever have to hide their relationship for any reason?

Yes, because Emmett has a girlfriend (i know, i know) and an abusive father.

Is 4 still together?

No, he died. *crying*

Is 10 canon?

Well.... It will be. We know theyre gonna get married at the end but for now they only hooked up a few times.

If all 10 ships were put into a couple’s Hunger Games, which couple would win?

Kolvina, for sure. Davina is A FUCKING WITCH QUEEN and Kol is a bloody vampire. Hope would try but Landon would die (ha!) even though hes a phoenix and wasnt supposed to; Enzo is dead; Max would get himself killed in order to protect Liz; and the others are only humans.

Has anyone ever tried to sabotage 5?

Im gonna say Cristina cause she legit sent McWidow to Meredith even though she loves DeLuca. Ive never liked Cristina and then she wants to ruin my ship? Now i hate her even more. And Delucas mental illness also sabotages them but thats not his fault.

Do you spend hours a day going through 3′s tumblr tag?

YEEEEES!!!! But there arent many things about them anymore. Tbf it never had but now that the shows over theres like nothing.

If an evil witch descended from the sky and told you that you had to pick one of the ten ships to break forever or else she’d break them all up, which ship would you SINK?

Handon. I also ship Hosie and Landon&Josie (Losie? Jandon?) so Id be fine.

Tagging: @bi-lullaby @imrollingmyeyes @imaginetonprincecharmant @pancakepapi58 @thisgameissonintendo and everyone who wants to do it! Feel free to tag me!!

#thank you for tagging me #this was awesomeeeee #about me #game #random #ships #fandom

8 notes · View notes

rqs902 · 4 years

Text

a lin ran feature :’) i respect hes self-aware about his need to be more than cute to succeed. lin ran has always given me a vibe that hes very serious and tough on himself. he looks soft but has high demands and seems very determined to get what he wants.

im not worried about li hao bc hes surrounded by a bunch of kids who can teach him how to dance LOL not just lin ran but like jin fan and tianci too

what is this pole and could they not move it LOL

lol so jin fan and tianci did a flippy trick and we just gonna pretend like it didnt happen lol okay

ugh so jin fan kinda got to do more dancing than other stages but i was still hoping itd be more!!! but man lin ran is really killing with his stage presence here

leave it to ycw to speak loudly and vocally about his friends being injured so people recognize their suffering

LOL lin ran’s sassy “im not stupid!!” but yea the third stage was really rough for him, so im glad he was able to recover

LOL lin ran again casually threatening the production team to be like “please edit this stage well” “please don’t cut our segment short” LOL

lol yea im not surprised at this point that li hao won even tho it shouldve been lin ran. youku is def making these rankings up. lol gjm did you even look at lin ran’s facial expressions???? lol making up excuses for youku wat

lin mo praising lin ran and giving him encouragement like a true bro bc he knows how hard lin ran worked for this stage. i wonder if he designed the stage rigging

AY I RESPECT OSCAR. hes a good kid and someone whos willing to speak his mind to address problems, thats awesome. they need someone to do that. he’s direct with the problems but also directly follows by complimenting them and saying how great they could be if they pulled through LOL hes still a kid so hes trying not to offend them but i respect his courage, warmth and dependability.

LOL XUE EN DESTROYED FRANKLIN HAHAHAHAHAHHA and he goes all cutesy after like he has no idea the power he holds LOL but im glad they showed some footage of xue en also teaching the other kids dance. cto skills whooo

ycw still bringing up shiwei? hes either very caught up in his feelings still (which is probably not a good thing at this point) or hes just a really dedicated friend... or youku is just purposefully using shiwei’s elimination for dramatic effect.

im surprised they didnt highlight cxh more bc youku seems to like him, and conversely they gave xzx a ton of time for his stage and let xzx win.

XUE EN IS SO HANDSOME

okay i just needed to get that out of my system

but also im kinda glad syh is in this group bc hes the only one who i will not laugh at when singing this song. ycw and oscar talking about drinks and whiskey??? yall are babies?? also this song does NOT match this dance well at all. i see why they didnt like it when they previewed it LOL also i see now why i saw an edit on twitter of this dance over “retreat” from qcyn bc that song actually FIT the tie pulling move.. versus this im just like ??? seems so out of place??

also their voices all sound weird :\ maybe its just too high of a register for ycw and cxh? or maybe theyre just not very good at singing....? lol

giving xue en the only multi colored tie? THEY KNEW.

im just happy that the party group was able to make their stage so well that other kids were regretting not choosing them bc ycw was really struggling to get people to join him...

LOL CSP BEING SILLY TO ZHAN YU THIS IS THE FRIENDSHIP I NEED

LOL XZX AND LIN MO are adorable together

im glad that they spent time to say zhaohao has improved, i feel like hes gotten zero recognition so far. i feel like ycw winning is the only win i am willing to believe so far. (couldve been xue en too tho)

A FEATURE ON XIKAN’S FRIENDSHIP WITH LUO ZHENG omggggggggggggggg luo zheng the sweetest ge, leaving all the good things for xikan whatt ugh but luo zheng is like literally going actor route so sad that he still wants to be on stage but has no opportunities. im grateful theyre still so close that xikan starts crying just thinking about him

xikan being involved in the stage design and costuming and all makes me think of lin ran but also makes me think of cai xukun. cxk always gets so involved in every little detail to seek perfection

interesting that they focused it all on zry and lxk........ but at least highlighted xikan’s fun side

lol they purposefully cut in fan yu screaming zry’s name and ycw yelling cyc....

but also tbh xikan’s voice was not very strong during his high note and i know hes giving 110% into his dancing so im guessing he doesnt have much air left at that point but i was kinda disappointed it couldve been better. BUT he still did a good job. i thought the part where they ripped off his jacket couldve been more impactful? but it felt like it was just randomly in the middle of the rap break and he doesnt sing again until much later so it was like why did you change clothes there?

tbh this song isnt that exciting? so im surprised that they wanted it that badly?

i saw spoilers that fan yu was gonna be there and its adorable and i love their friendship but lol zuo ye being like i shouldve asked all my gege’s to come.... lol aka they know its kinda unfair for fan yu to be winning votes for zry

im grateful all the trainees are supportive of xikan and they purposefully showed a bunch of popular kids cheering for xikan

gosh that injury on his nose, you know hes put too much energy and is too invested into his dance part when he rips his own face like that :\

i saw spoilers that renyu would win and someone did the math that it makes zero sense for their group’s score to be that low, but i didnt expect their score to be THAT low.... goodness wtf thats definitely rigged, i see why people were mad.

renyu winning is either entirely rigged bc youku wants him to debut or people are really just voting for him bc fan yu was there and that’s not fair either. i love renyu (and his friendship with fan yu) but there’s no way renyu actually won that many votes on a stage where he didnt really show his vocals that much and he messed up his dancing and he was surrounded by kids who danced much better and wouldve made him look not great. this makes zero sense. and the fact that ycw is the only winner that made sense is probably bc youku was like well we cant make it too obvious that its all a joke. but really, its all a joke.

yes i love that renyu worked hard and stayed up all night but can we talk about how xikan does that for every stage? and renyu’s just now started to do so. renyu just came into this competition less prepared, so his improvement is easier to see.

i still think if youku wants to debut renyu, theyll kick out lin ran from top 7, but can we talk about how lin ran put in all the effort to design and perfect his stage? how he teaches others to dance and pushes his group mates to shine as a leader and how he has truly one of the most memorable and formidable stage presences on this whole show? people say the debuting group will need renyu’s voice but how can you really say that renyu fits and is prepared and deserves to debut more than lin ran?

renyu is adorable and talented but let’s be real, as a vocalist, hes not like you zhangjing, hes not like zhao lei, hes not like zhao pinlin, hes not proven that he really fits to be a main vocal in a boy band. youku cannot force us into believing that he can fit that role without any evidence to prove his worth. its like theyre trying to jam someone into that role and its like renyu’s their closest bet, but even tho he still doesnt quite fit, theyre just gonna shove him in anyway. this is what happens when you only give attention to people who are dancers and dont give actual attention to people who are actually boy band main vocal material.... /COUGH ZHAN YU or even cui shaopeng??

how can you possibly believe that renyu got 173 but their average was 134? none of xikan’s groups numbers make sense:

how did shengen suddenly drop so much? youku has been touting him this whole time into the top 10. shouldnt more of xikan’s fans voted for xuyu? bc he literally begged during the last elim for xuyu to make it this far. xuyu wasnt even dead last in the elim ranking but here he gets last place by like 15 votes??? when everyone else’s vote difference is like half of that at max?

you expect me to believe lin ran only got 127 after he literally descended from the ceiling as an angel? that doesnt attract attention? how are both zuo ye and hu wenxuan so low? wenxuan was literally center and had bright pink hair, and in a song style that suited him, you cant tell me he didnt shine on this stage. xikan tied with xzx???? beneath a kou cong and su xunlun tie??? no way

theres one week left and youku’s getting desperate to make it look like whatever they’re going to make happen will be a natural result, that this competition is up in the air and no one is safe, but it just seems very questionable to me.

sooo does this mean there arent gonna be elims before the finals or what, we just dont see them announce who gets to perform? im assuming not all 32 kids will take part? and theres not gonna be a mentor collab stage? it wouldve been cool to see han yu and cheng xiao with the kids. there were 3 stages between the first and second elimination but no third elim and no mentor stage? its a mad rush to the end, honestly.

oh well, we still love these CHILDREN

ps: if youve been following my rants, i honestly feel like i have had a really positive impression of zheng renyu from the start and i really do like him. he makes really good songs and his voice is very nice and his friendships are pure and his attitude is commendable. 凄美地 and 當帷幕落下 and 後來的我們 are some of my favorite favorite songs to listen to from this entire show, like probably 3 of my top 5, and a good deal of that is because of renyu and his voice. but im just trying to be realistic and renyu is not in my ideal debuting boy band.

#rants #you would think that with the money and fans that kids like lxk hwx lm are bringing to youku that youku would treat them better

1 note · View note

forgivven-minds · 5 years

Text

Thank You...방탄소년단

For BTS, Armys and My Best Friends.

I know BTS wont see this lmao or if anyone will even read this but here goes.

I dont know how much of this is going to make sense. Its just going to be another post of all my thoughts and feelings randomly mashed up in to one. But I will try my best to make sure it makes some sense for the non to few people that may read this lol.

November 30th 2019 marks two years since BTS bulldozed their way in to my life turning it upside down, sideways and launching it around but most imporantly making my it 1000000000000x better.

Never in a million years did I think by clicking on the DNA music video that came up on my twitter time line that day would lead me to a whole new world. I never imagined it would open so many doors for me, i never imagined it would lead to so many insane adventures, So many amazing memories and A world wide family. I had no idea it would lead to just a fraction of what BTS have brought in to my life.

The past two years have been the best two years of my entire life. Id be wrong if I said I found BTS, The facts are BTS found me. They found me when I needed something new and fresh. They found me when I was lost, when I needed Happiness, Light, Laughter and Love in my life the most. They found me and saved me!

BTS found me when I was going through some hardships in life. A few days before they found me I lost my grandad, during this time I was already dealing with an extrmely unhealthy and toxic friendship I was trapped in as well as battling my own personal demons. I was in a very dark place and I cant imagine how much darker it could of gotten if BTS hadnt of rescued me. They helped me through these hardships, they pulled me through to see the light. They helped me grieve my loss. They helped me make desicions that would change my life for the better. They simply Saved me.

Ever since BTS entered my life EVERYTHING has just gotten better. I went from being a very lost soul, not knowing what I wanted from life, Not knowing what I wanted to do with my life, Not knowing who I am or where I belonged to knowing exactly who I am, where I belonged, What I want to do with my life and what I want from life. They helped me create Dreams I never thought I would have, They helped me create small goals and life long goals, They opened up so many doors for me. They made my mental state a million times better and clearer. They Taught me how to Love myself, they made me apprecate the little things in life, They made me a better person to myself and to other people.They made me Happy, TRULY HAPPY!!!!!!

BTS gave me two of the greatest gifts of life:

HAPPINESS

MY FAMILY

Althought I already knew these wonderful people I call My Family before I even knew of BTS. BTS made them My Family, They brought us closer to each other individually and as a group, They showed us what a real family is like, They Showed me who my real Soul mates are, They showed me what real love feels like and They Gave me The Friendships I’ve always dreamt of having. They brought me closer to some of the most Important people in my life and I am forever gratful. They didnt just make me happy, They Made my family Happy too. BTS are a true gift that keeps on giving.

BTS opened the door to the world of Kpop for me, Throught this I’ve met so many amazing people, Its Brought people I already knew closer to me (you know who you are if you’re reading this) and given me so many amazing memories, adventures and brought so much laughter in to my life with them. But the most important people its made me closer to are my 2 Best Friends Leah and Kels. Its been a little over a year since they got in to Kpop .... I may or maynot of dragged them in to this dangerous world lol... you’re welcome ladies haha. But what a year its been, we have seen so many amazing bands and artist, we have traveled the country multiple times for Idols and we (me and leah) have even been to berlin twice for kpop shows (Got7 & Music Bank). We saw BTS’ first ever UK show together and recently went to Night 1 at Wembley god damn stadium. These are hands down the two of the most important shows Ive ever been to, Seeing the Biggest Band in the world with my Two favourite people was nothing but magical and perfect. These two girls have done nothing but bring happiness, light, love, peace, laughter and crack head ass antics in to my life, they might be crazy and we might share 1 Braincell between the 3 of us but i wouldnt change it for the world......just the distance haha. Thank you for being my rocks, my shoulder to cry on, my biggest supporters. Thank you for being my second star to the right, my home. Thank you for loving me for who i am and all my flaws. Thank you for being my serendipity. I love you endlessly. Heres to many more adventures and crying over BTS haha.

Since BTS came in to my life I had never felt or expressed love like this, from and to BTS, My Friends and life in general. They have given me an entirely different perspective of life, They have influence me so much, from the way i look at life and the way i see things, They taught me what positivity truly is, They taught me to always look for the positives even in the negatives, They taught me to live in the moment, To express myself fully, To not change for anybody, To accept and embrace myself to the fullest, They showed me there is clear blue skies after the storms, no matter what obstacle life gives me i can over come it.

BTS arent just 7 extremely handsome guys from South Korea who Sing, Dance and Rap, they are so much more than that, They are Teachers, Influencers, Lovers, Ambassadors, Healers, Therapists, Peace Makers and so on. They arent just guys that make music, They are people who make music with a meaning, a story and a lesson. They share their hardships, Their battles, Their recovery and their triumphs. Their stories and lyrics didnt just help me but millions across the world. They created a family through their battles, They taught millions how to love themselves, To put themselves first and To be Happy. They took adventage of knowing their music is an escape for people and used it to teach an important life lesson as well as creating the most amzing feel good music.

Thank you BTS for a wonderful 6 years of Builing this family and making the world a better place one step at a time. I might not of been in the family from day one but I can happily say the past two years have been the most imporant becuase of your infuence and and change upon me. thank you for all your hard work, Thank you for pushing yourselves, thank you for the sacrifices youve had to make, Thank you for sharing your battles and stories, Thank you for giving us your all even on your harder days. Happy 6 years, Heres to many many many more!!!!!!

THANK YOU KIM NAMJOON

THANK YOU KIM SEOK JIN

THANK YOU MIN YOON GI

THANK YOU JUNG HO SEOK

THANK YOU PARK JI MIN

THANK YOU KIM TAE HYUNG

THANK YOU JEON JEONG-GUK

We in this Bangtan Sonyeondan shit for life xox

Thanks for reading my unorganised, messy and repetitive thoughts hope it wasnt too painful to read lol.

I LOVE BTS!!!!!!

#bts #6yearswithbts #Bangtan #Jimin #V #RM #Jin #JK #JHope #Kpop #bts army

35 notes · View notes

aquirkynerdytur-port-key · 6 years

Text

1/28/19

God why is everything so fucking exhausting

I can’t seem to stay awake no matter now much caffeine I drink or how much sleep I get, and I just want to be able to stay awake and learn and do decent in my classes but I’m fucking stalled in life, everything is continuing around me, if not faster than normal, and im here, all alone but not really alone? I cant even do homework anymore the slight drive I managed to keep from 8th grade until now has burnt out and I cant motivate myself to do the readings or the problems or whatever and im just drowning and cant stay happy, even though im doing things I love. Also like, my friends arent really friends anymore? More like “colleagues”, and everyone else is essentially a stranger.

God I miss Cole

Hes moved on to bigger and better things and probably better friends, we barely talk anymore and im too scared to start up a conversation because it always goes along the lines of:

Hey

Hru

Im fine, hbu

Uh im gucci lol

And then we stop talking for months on end.

Everything is just falling apart and I don’t know what to do. I cant tell my parents or family, it would be too awkward and they would give “advice” which is just stating the facts.

Recently I’ve been thinking about dying, but like always I come to the conclusion “no thats selfish, you’re a chicken anyway, what if Cole/finley/acey/Ryan needs you tomorrow???” So I dont do it

Tried to learn how to file a complaint to sr Adams today. That was a fun talk.

Maybe questioning my sexuality now? I mean, I dont FEEL anything romantic/sexual to others, but like, I talk about girls a lot and how I would like, tap that and shit like that??? Not sure anymore. Im gonna stick with my feeling over my mentality and thoughts tho… so still identifying as Ace/aro.

Learning ukulele is good, lots of fun, liana Flores is amazing at songwriting and honestly it would be so so SO cool if I could learn how to write decent songs/good chords for one. People say music is essentially poetry, but all of my poems would NOT work whatsoever with any tune or beat or whatever.

Also im really fucking pissed that I have such a shit memory for things that matter. I can remember the entirety of heathers, BMC, the Hamilton and mean girls soundtrack, countless episodes of DW/Sherlock/Spn, numerous pages from PJO or HP, but cant seem to remember anything valuable for history class. So fucking annoying and stupid.

Guess its getting bad again, my completely undiagnosed, probably nonexistent depression and anxiety.

I hope mr petrocelli is recovering nicely. What a dude.

But yeah I feel like it’s getting bad again. Ive been feeling like im about to throw up for the past month or two, cant seem to feel anything positive for more than a couple minutes, and have been so fatigued that I cant focus on anything.

Fuck man, writing the truth down on here is kinda painful. Like this is probs the 3rd time ive cried while writing this, when ISHOULD be doing homework.

Membean can suck my nonexistent dick. SOOOOOO fucking stupid I hope that I wont have to do it next year because I KNOW most of the words but still get the questions wrong because im given synonyms or I forget how to spell it. Its also EVIDENT I know these words because I use them quite a bit, but NOOOOO I HAVE to do a fucking memorization thing.

I really wish that I could freeze time, because I feel like a damn mirror thats been shattered. The glass shards can still display the image, but it is hard to see. a single hit or amount of stress can cause the shards to collapse and become beyond repair.

Hm, is this like a diary now? This is so damn weird. Who knows 🤷‍♀️ if anyone reads this later on, what’s up lol. Think thats enough for now, sorry to waste your time complaining about some pretty minuscule things…

Shit that was so fucking pathetic, apologizing to someone who probably will never read this anyway. Anyway, hasta la taco, as Asha would say.

Do you think it would be possible to go to the health center and ask for a mental health day or something? I just. Cant do class tomorrow. Just thinking about HOMEWORK (and tomorrow lol) is enough to make me start crying, but the last time I went because of a mental breakdown they told me to stop running away from my problems and to grow up and face it because I wont be able to chicken out in the real world.

2 notes · View notes

somethingrefreshing · 3 years

Text

I love working at the potters guild. It’s such a different feel than any other place i’ve worked. If people arent really “into” pottery, they come, look, maybe buy a mug or water pitcher, then leave. But then you have other people who are the creatives. whether they buy something or not is irrelevant, what matters is that they have an opportunity to share what theyre passionate about with me, because they know that i’m also a creator, and that i will understand what it’s like to start making something from scratch. so freaking cool.

Today alone i met a man named Mr. Miller, who is a film photographer and is taking photos of 1,000 strangers, and he asked if i would mind being included! I met a lady who does stained glass, but incorporates real life natural elements and encases them in resin. Absolutely beautiful! then just after that a man came in who is a fused glass artist, and he was looking for inspiration in pottery. So cool! In our conversation we found out that we had both been vendors at the same show three years ago. The world is small when you have the ability to put yourself out there and talk to people. The last lady i’m going to mention is a teacher for 3rd graders with special needs. I was telling her about how one of my young friends has a lot of difficulty with reading, and she recommended someone on youtube that helps kids learn and remember site words. It’s insane. walking to work today was warm and sunny for the first time this year, and i had no idea i’d be blessed with meeting so many awesome humans.

I’ve been in the middle of an existential crisis (I mean, when am i not tho lol) for about a month because i havent been able to find the good in people like i used to. I was feeling like there are so few people who will be nice to a stranger, or better yet, being nice to someone that might irritate them. Just yesterday one of my neighborhood kids came over and he was saying how his step sister beat him up, then when he was crying, took a video of him and three years later sent it to everyone at school and now everyone at school just makes fun of him. He’s autistic and he says that he tries to stand up for other people getting bullied, but then they just start bullying him too. He was really upset, but then we go to talking and i think he was feeling a lot better when they all left.

There are so many mean, disturbing, malicious humans, but every once in a while, you can’t get around the fact that some people are just good. Some people are trying their best to hold themselves together. Some people have figured out that when you have a creative outlet, it’s so much easier to connect to like minded humans, and to release their big feelings, not at the expense of the mcdonalds worker, or the guy going exactly the speed limit in front of them, or the homeless dude on the street, but in a sketchbook, or out of glass, or through a camera lens, or with clay. We need more people who are willing to listen to other peoples stories. their REAL stories. not the 10 second ones on instagram, but the hour long ones from the hairy lady who lives down the street, or the neighborhood kid who gets bullied every day. I’ll bet they’ve got better stories than most of the people that you talk to on a regular basis.

0 notes

nyangibun · 7 years

Note

(1/8) In response to your prev req in anti-D) I got out of GoT fandom ages ago coz I hated this basic side of the fandom. But, after S7 TBPH, D stans are especially hilarious to me now bc Dani's smeagol death and dark arc arent coming, they've been in motion this entire time and now it's coming to the forefront. All the 'spoilers' are D fans trying to cover there arses with fanfic bs and excuses for actual dark arc spoilers.

[cont... (2/8) As far as the show goes (ASOIAF readers already know where she's going) D&D know the consensus of the GA and they know that since the GA has played her up in their heads as this 'messiah' (personally never saw her like that at all and I think DD actually have a fair amount of foreshadowing to show she's actually an antagonist) they know in S8 they have to leave NO room for doubt in the dark arc/downfall.

* 3/8) J loves the Starks and will do anything and everything to keep them safe) *insert cerseis infamous love/weakness line here* * Everything is going to fall to shit next season. Every horrible thing D has done is finally going to come to bite her in the ass big time (and about time - one deed done in the name of good does not cross out the overbearing bad) * If 'magic targ baby' is legit, she will get pregnant but unfortunately she is due for her third miscarriage (sns)

* ) (4/8) * She will try to hurt Jon when she finds out about his claim and she will believe this is the first (of many) betrayals * She will find out about the GC hired by C (Daario - betrayal for gold) and that Cersei lied (what special kind of idiot trusts Cersei- Sansa is literally the only character on this shit show with a brain anymore)

* 5/8) * Jon and Sam will find out about the burning of the tarlys, I also think the dothraki may have sacked the reach as well which is not a good sign for sams mum & sis (who he loves w every fibre of his being) * The dothraki and unsullied are going to get fucked up by winter. She burnt the resources and food so she can't take care of them and they have literally no experience or resistance to this climate

* 6/8) * She is going to burn kings landing. And no, other than the simple fact she's a power hungry bitch, there will be no justification (So please just stop trying to throw fake spoilers to vindicate her - your staning a antagonist, deal with it) None of this can be ignored and sorry D stans, it's not just gonna magically disappear in a plume of fire and smoke (lol) like previous seasons.

7/8) I know that her stans have become desensitised to the possibility that she will actually face true consequences because she's never really had to since S1, and as a result of D never facing them, they have come to truely believe that she's done nothing wrong. I think D&D did this on purpose. S8 will be the game changer and D&D will pull out no stops in closing off the ends they created in S3-S7 (I don't think they like D as much as people think they do).

(8/8) I know no one has faith in them anymore for many reasons, but S7 was an actual confirmation that D fan service is officially over (except for maybe the first episode of S8 Until it all gets blown to shit) I'm so fucking excited for 2k19. Also posting this to you bc you're active in the anti-D tag and want to let you know, there are more of us than you may actually think...]

I hope you’re right, Anonny!! I hope the D fan service is officially over and we’re truly given the D we all know to be real (that her stans fail to acknowledge).

But yeah, you’re totally right. I really don’t have anything to add to this at all so 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

And before D stans find this post somehow and cry about misogyny, maybe go read the Meerenese Knot essays and take note. GRRM approved of them and said ‘finally someone gets it’ and honey, it does not paint D in a good light. It’s not about misogyny or ships. It’s about reading the story for what it is. It’s about D as a character, male or female.

#anti daenerys #anti targaryen #asks #Anonymous

95 notes · View notes

breastmiilk · 6 years

Note

Heyy so i've been a long time fan of your writing and aus and a sort of long time follower of your blog. I just wanted to ask your opinions on infinity war? Because even as a major marvel fan i felt like this movie had a lot of lost potential and in the end wasn't as good as fan reactions have made it out to be? Also while i do love tony what made me slightly annoyed by him in this film is his lack of ability to think clearly and just panicking anytime asked for an opinion or plan?(1/2)

(2/2) and i just felt like it’s wrong the way peter has to fear disappointing him at every turn and just that kind of pressure being placed on him? so yeah just looking for some friendly opinions if this is rude just ignore it. Thank you! (oh also i think i missed when steve called tony the best defender? i cannot for the life of me remember where he says it? thank you for any help!!)

ajsdhjsdsfj anon!!

xDD okay hi, um, idk why youre looking to me for counsel lol im not qualified enough for this, im just a marvel geek but hmm lets see. im one of those fans that really enjoyed the movie?? oop. sorry yeah, i really really loved it for what it was, at least i can tell you why;

1) the villain. marvel has a way of getting me invested in their villains or at least getting me to like them even when theyre hurting the ppl i love. i enjoyed thanos a lot–he was an actual threat (terrifying grapes be terrifying), he wasnt even really pursuing the avengers (only fought them because they were stopping him from achieving his goal) and also i love villains that are morally grey/dark-grey. as far as thanos was concerned he was doing the right thing and so he continued with his plans, these pesky mortals can just *smacks them down*

2) the fighting. you can tell when The Russo Brothers directed a film because the action scenes are always on point *flash back to the fights in winter soldier + civil war* so for the fights alone i was really pumped for that. and they delivered, as tense as i was during most of the fight scenes, i still enjoyed them (esp when people teamed up with their powers/put them to good use: e.g. peter + strange’s portals)

3) the character interactions. i loved the interactions they managed to put in despite the whole Thanos Be Among Us looming threat thing, they checked most of my boxes for those anyway (i.e tony + strange, starlord being starlord, drax being drax, rocket + bucky’s arm, etc.) these little things were what i was actually excited for and i got them so why would i be displeased?? lol

4) flow and character control. with a bunch of characters running around in one film from different universes its easy to become a train wreck and while they were even set in the different countries and planets the story and plot flowed into each other smoothly and it didnt feel like they just shoved a bunch of random supers into one movie just because they could, but have no idea what to do with them (no shade justice league, no shade). Also bearing in mind that these superheroes come from different mcu series with different directors yet they still stayed in character + within their abilities was really relieving to see, it didnt feel like different directors manipulating the characters

5) SOME. OF. THOSE. SCENES. just the scenes in the movie itself made the movie epic for me?? like when we first experience the flying donut and the whole city is in mayhem (i got chills) or when thor crashed into the gotg’s ship or the fight with peter/tony/gotg/thanos, like. there wasnt a time in the movie at all where i was bored or uninterested in the ‘narrative’ i was like yes please give me more.

6) when i was waiting to see iw i didnt even study plot i was just theorizing over who would die and if thanos tortured loki into the Invasion of New York lol so honestly anything that would have happened in this movie would have blown my mind, but even then if it was crap i would have called it out (*cough* thor dark world, avengers age of ultron)

7) its just the first part. i feel like this movie is nothing compared to the epicness thatll happen in part 2 “first we’ll break your hearts, then we’ll blow your mind”. this was like set up to the Real battle you know? and i can safely say none of us are ready, but bring it 2019.

honestly, i enjoyed this movie a lot. i loved the plot, the action, the interactions, the pain and the suffering lol just all of it was phenomenal for me, but theres always difference in opinions and thats okay too but for me this was by a long shot nothing at all like a bad movie; i laughed, i cried, i was in suspense, and i want to see it again honestly thats two thumbs up for me.

(also i didnt find tony was panicking like all the time? the dude straight up was like chillin with pepper–okay bruce came out of a portal, weird–theres a wizard *follows him into portal*–ughhh call steve?? i hate all of you–chaos in the city, lemme just help this lady up real quick–dammit squidward, hulks not working so imma just *nanotech*–wow im trapped on this ship and probably gonna die so okay guys heres the plan, oh wait peter has a better one lemme hear it *actually listens to peter AND strange eventually too like, he was pretty chill to me lmao)

and peter doesnt fear disappointing tony in a severe way; because he doesnt even listen to him half the time LOL yeah tonys his idol, he wanted to make a good impression in homecoming (you wouldnt want to disappoint anyone you love/respect) but like generally peter and tony are cool–their relationship/interactions arent powered by peter wanting to be ‘good enough’ lol he IS good enough, just that sometimes IronDad wants him to be safe and Peter’s like hell naw, imma fight this baddie real quick and you’ll just have to get over the fact that i snuck on board the ship lmao. its a very do first, ask later thing that all teens do–i dig it.

But yeah like i said, maybe the fandom got something from the show you didnt, maybe we saw everything in a different way idk my dude–we just came to have a good time and cry and stuff, because i guess thats what marvel fans do lol. hope that helped you with your own feelings about it ?? at the end of the day, its just a movie (HAHA yeah right) and im not a critic or an expert, just a marvel fan sobbing in misery and anguish–but like,,,the good kind.

;)

#ask #marvel #infinity war spoilers #iw spoilers #mcu

4 notes · View notes

pokefanbri · 4 years

Text

I got in touch with my 1st love a couple months ago..hes a half native American & white dude, pretty pudgy now like triple the size of himself in middle school lol. Doesn't have much time left on this earth I feel for him, im glad I know now cause if I hadn't it probably would've been alot more devastating. Doesnt have to wear a mask cuz really whats the point. We met for coffee, got to hang out at the mall & he visited my work, we did talk & clear the air..got some things out that were left unsaid & i gotta say it really did help & we're better for it 😊 we're now cool & no hard feelings.

We used to be on & off in hs but the last time I broke it off with him for good reasons & also due to my mother 😒 If it weren't for him & our own experiences, & then every guy since...I would've have known how much I really love or attached I can be to someone (which has been all of them really but does disintegrate over time & going into new relationships they become just a distant memory as the yrs go by & then ur all about the new guy 🤔 basically right) or how unattached I can get when I just dont love them anymore...(of which has only happened twice)

For the record I've had 5 relationships my whole life...not counting flings..out of 2 they broke up with me.. & they so happen to be the ones i fell hard & fast for...its a common theme but they are the best ones I've experienced & I think I have a confirmed type now that I think about it lol. Im thinking too much again, but..they're top tier unforgettable.

I fell damn fucking hard this time around just like I did Thomas..don't think I got enough of him either...😤 seriously wtf is it with these charming & hilarious, headstrong, smart ass, string bean, stoner, Leo men fucking my heart up after only a few months time! What is the universe trying to tell me! I swear to God in another lifetime they would've been friends its an incredible likeness. History repeated itself it seems..I was so in love with him too, we were only 19 but omg he was awesome & we were ALL OVER EACHOTHER 🤤. He was my coworker, a red headed skinny bobblehead tho, & lived in my apt complex his best friend Danny boy did too in his own, hard core Call of Duty players I remember they high jacked my tv for optimum experience...😒 walking the tv across the parking lot was super sketchy looking lol.

Anyway after Thomas broke up with me for saying the L word "too soon" it freaked him out I guess & my brain cracked from the devastation...doctors are convinced it was the weed 😒 and apparently I ODd on Tylenol...crock of bs btw but whatever...i couldn't sleep & for days I was in a haze til I finally called my aunt for help & all of a sudden I was locked away in a psych ward for 2 weeks so they could observe what was wrong & diagnose me. Had to quit pima college & stop working, put everything on hold for my health. After I came back, Tom admitted he wanted me back but he hated my 1st love with a passion. I confessed I was back with my 1st as he was there at my side & visiting..when Tom had no idea where tf I was, me missing worried him sick. I had no clue & for all I knew he forgot about me while I was grieving over us in the hospital (I couldn't have my phone..knew a select few #s by heart otherwise he would've been the 1st I'd call), I was still dazed & super fucked up from the hospital..just outright exhausted when Thomas came to my apartment wanting to try again....yea I messed that up though regretfully. I told him the truth...I know it hurt him, hurt me too. Never saw Thomas again 😔 he was my 2nd, wonder how he is.

After I broke up with my 1st there was like a 1 or 2 month relationship with a fat Irish dude named Patrick I met from college, he insulted my mom..kicked his ass the curb 😂 yea she chased him away too just like my 1st...but an Irish version..was kinda a deadbeat anyway good riddance. I was alone for about 5 years after that til eventually met my ex-husband matt & was with him for technically 7 years & then that ended.

Long story short I was hit with another love bomb over the past year (T2.0 lol) & the fallout is taking forever to disapate lol...well good technically I don't want it to yet lmao, it feels good to love someone with a full heart except for the fact they ain't here 😔

I love genuinely & with a full heart, ive never had a problem with love, except for my abusive mother I sought approval for....never have I been with someone that didnt want it...didn't want me, until him. If someone shows that to me in a relationship it hurts me at the roots, u don't understand how much it brings out that little girl that just wants to be loved back..to be wanted. It hurts to think im not even worth that. I realize though that he may have his own issues to get past first b4 he can learn to give it back & its not my fault. I should on some things honestly but I don't blame him..not anymore. I blame my own trauma that made me so fucking sensitive & off-putting to him, going from 1 relationship to another without healing first, & not knowing how to function walking on eggshells around a new person trying not to piss them off...not knowing how to do a fresh relationship from the start again....when you've been with 1 person prior for 7 yrs.

I grew up being beaten as a kid, I have no father, my mother chose drugs over her own children, everybody in my family arent like a hallmark card far from it...its fucking tucson ok it's a hell hole. A good amount are notorious for causing trouble around the city, nobody talks to eachother..stays away & fends for themselves, or just killing themselves with drugs & selfishly hurting people around them. Very few of us are really trying to make it out & create life for ourselves but it's really hard to escape because we're all struggling. I cry because I've been strong for way too long on my own, I cry when I think im not good enough. Besides some relationships & friendships along the way for support guess who's always taken care of herself to survive, yours truly. It's a huge accomplishment that I've never been homeless, only a couple times have I had to rely on a friend or family member for a roof over my head & that was just 2020-2021,boy is it good to have connections during a pandemic phew, alot more tough to find someone willing to help. My big sis Lisa, my mentor assigned to me at 12 yrs old cuz my mom couldn't be a real parent lol...she says im a strong princess thats gone through hell & back, she's seen me do it countless times, she can attest to how much of a boss & survivor I am...she knows I deserve nothing but to be appreciated,respected, valued. I'm underestimated all the time because apparently people think they can read what kinda person I am just by looking at me or by word of mouth, hell no very doubtful screw u lol... i don't need anybody's belittling opinions of what kind of person I am ok, how about talk to me & ill see if u in the ballpark lol cuz I guarantee im a boss ass goody 2 shoes that can kick butt 😊. So listen here, I know my worth & I deserve a prince to keep me safe from the big bad world right? I need an actual shoulder to cry on not someone that'll walk away when I need them most 😔 Why tf do I feel like rapunzel & all I get is fuckin Flynn 😂 I'm a queen ok, hear me now.

This will be my 3rd own rented apartment. The 1st time I was a teen & imancipated...had that place for a few years 1st & 2nd love era, 2nd time was the escape from my mother as an adult & I moved away eventually got married. And now at another turning point in my life... escaping a very different hell & losing pretty much everything including the man that started it all, 3rd time is the charm right. Fuck my life sidewinder style. Honestly this is the best apartment complex I've found that I want as my home....its gated nothing can touch me from outside unless I say so, so at least im secure to a point.

Why am I talking and not sleeping 😐 I'm tired, it's 5am now. Yeaaaaa I'm done 💤

0 notes

fmdxjerome · 7 years

Text

*naomi pokes her head in after disappearing for the 600th time* bonjour

family things where the reason i was so m.i.a. this past week. but i’m here now and i’m going to follow and unfollow people. update some things (like points, plots and tag lists) and head into ims. the good things. sorry i keep disappearing, it’s a weird time. i hope you all are doing good though. people who i have not talked to yet, i’m sorry i still haven’t introduced myself to you all. i’ll gradually work on this. people who i plotted with before, you know i’m gradually trying to get back to that too. i’m very out of the loop with everything.

though! working on some things. writing, photoshop, things, yeah.

but that aside i kinda wanted to take the space of this ooc post to elaborate on the headcanon i wrote yesterday? because? wow. uh. what the hell was that. i wont talk about the topics of the story itself so dont worry if they are triggering to you, i wont be mentioning anything in here.

i just. i started writing the headcanon because my inspiration for anything else was nil. i had things done for my starter (things that had to go out before it for the starter to make sense) and i was preparing to write but nothing came out. and i saw the days ticking by then so i thought “a headcanon will give me something to put out as i dont want to loose jerome but also don’t want to go on hiatus again”. i thought it’ll be like 1000 words and just explain seulgi and chanyeol a bit but it turned into that. i kinda got sucked into it. like, very badly. i wrote it in two days and two nights with little sleep and a lot of tears and it fucked me up but not in a bad way persay (not in a good way either but). after my hiatus i’ve been all kinds of weird with jerome? i haven’t known how to put him out there and advertise him as a cool dude to new and old people in here and i blame my mood for that? because when i was all meme kid 2000 it was easier to thrust him into people’s dm’s, but then after the hiatus i’ve been so goddamned serious about everything that even the funny posts i try to make dont make it to the blog because i think about them too much? (honestly. i have a backlog of memes guys.). then i write that, start writing that with the beginning and end in mind and it’s so goddamned dark but it gets my emotions out and makes me feel more intrigued to flesh out jerome. it relieves me a bit.

because the thing about jerome is that family is one of the most important things for him. and exploring chanyeol, who had everything jerome had wanted when he grew up (to be raised by a mother who looked like him and loved him), made me find jerome again. it’s the comparing of lives that do it, how two brothers that came from the same prompt live such different lives because of the polarizing answers their mothers gave to one of the hardest question in life. but then again they have so much the same; the drinking, the faces, the laughs, the ridicule, and so much more. they’re more like twins than they are brothers, just years apart and not quite the same.

(there is a reason why *if you read the story* i pinned their situations against each other often, give the perspective of jerome’s life whilst giving context to chanyeols)

and i dont know if jerome will ever know about chanyeol, meet seulgi, find a connection with his mother, feel a bond with his sibling (who’s connection form is almost done, i’m hoping for a sister) or find the bad of himself in his father but it’s the start of exploring this part of jerome’s life, his bloodlines, that get me so much more into jerome’s story. because it is such an important piece in his life.

and look, you might think “but thats marie!” if you look over his blog or read his bio (please dont. its ugly.), that she’s the most influential thing in jerome’s character as she’s the one who basically created “yuddy”. and yeah, she’s important. he still gets anxious when she teeters with the information only they know and still gets furious when he sees her face. but it’s family that starts it all.

he wouldn’t be as searching for warmth if it wasn’t for the fact that he views himself to be abandoned when just a baby, which his mother did with all the heart break in her heart. he wouldn’t be as proving and intense if it wasn’t for the fact that he feels like he has just one moment to cement himself in someone’s memory as something to desire (whether its about music, lust, love, etc.). he wouldn’t be as afraid of loosing important people in his life if he hadn’t lost the most important one of all.

also, he wouldn’t be as natural with the flirting and the charming smirks if it wasn’t for the fact that his father had that natural allure to him, too. had that bad treatment, too. had that booming confidence, too. and had that selfishness, too. (i villainize chanwook a lot. but he was just a guy who didn’t like commitments, he wants the fun and nothing else. hmm doesn’t that sound familiar.)

yuddy was a reaction to marie, but made possible because of chanwook. hey, thats pretty deep.

anyway, what also was interesting with exploring chanyeol was the fact that jerome’s biggest wish was to be able to look at someone and recognize himself in it. with his adoption family he obviously couldnt do that. and to add another layer in his hometown there were no korean faces, no ethnicity he could belong to. (i dont know how it is in legit laval and martigné-sur-mayenne as i am just a dumb kid who only has the internet to find things out BUT as i live in a western european town *obliviously naomi you’re dutch* thats pretty big and those towns arents the biggest i can use my own experiences and grab the data/information i can find on the internet to create young!jerome’s school and daily life environment.) but he could live with that if he just had a mother or/and a father he could look up to and see himself. there have been days where he’s been bullied for the shape of his eyes or the colour of his skin, there have been days where he’s been fetishized for them too, and if he was allowed to look up at his mother he could see the same pairs of eyes stare back at him. and if he’d look at his father he’d see the same coloured skin. he’d feel more at ease. but he sees blonde hair and peachy skin instead, sees hazel eyes and different noses. add a DEEPER layer and he can’t seem to find where he gets his ugly wide laugh from, or his aggression when provoked. the gentle touch to the things he loves. the intensity of passion. the greed of selfishness. he doesn’t know where the traits come from, who gives him those traits, or if they are purely his own. and he truly wished he did.

and with that as he stands on stage now he is unaware that he makes two women cry every night. blissfully unaware that he has two mothers look at him and see the man that left them but see their missed sons too. he knows nothing of that, and so he knows nothing of the impact he’s making with simply existing. (boram looking at jerome is still very ambiguous in my mind though as her kid can appear in roleplay but seulgi’s view is pretty cemented)

okay shit this kind of turned into some weird exploration of jerome? i started writing this like 6 hours ago what the hell. i’m so slow. maybe this is helping me too with making that re-introduction thing i still have to make. great. well what you can take from this is that jerome has a definite baseline when it comes to his personality and i explored that in chanyeols story where he was the one who got it yet felt undeserving of it?

it’s affection. his baseline is affection. his baseline is warmth. for him as a person, a real person, his person. and not for anything else. and it’s nice to look at the people that gave that to him, the people that didn’t and the reasons behind it.

his biological mother couldn’t give it to him because she gave him away before she could. (the only exception being the first moment in the hospital room 26 years ago.)

his biological father couldn’t give it to him seeing as he didn’t even care to know him.

his adoptive parents couldn’t give it to him as they only saw him as a prop next to jade vases and ricepaper fans.

his first love marie couldn’t give it to him even when he thought she could, but then in time he realized she never loved him for him. realized she never loved him at all.

his grandfather has given it to him, as he sang with him to old tunes and learned him how to cook. his grandmother did too before she fell away.

frederic and halit gave it to him, freddy when he cemented himself as his first closest friend and halit when he pulled him along and shared his family with him. they both gave him a home, and they both gave him the concept of best friends.

julien too gifts it to him now, as he has poked through the shields that is yuddy and has never stopped grasping at the heart that is jerome.

its interesting. it’s all interesting and i’m kind of content that i threw this headcanon out there? or wrote it. (even if not many people will probably read it because of the content matter or because its dumb long or other reasons) because its really a start for me to explore jerome other sides more, the other important things. with the marie story half way finished and her changing in severity in his life, it’ll be interesting to further explore the facet that hurt jerome the most. bloodlines.

ok i got to stop because literally no one is having time for my wall of mess i mean wall of text and its getting way too late/early whilst i wanted to reply to some dms so im just going to grab my phone and start typing there. until i fall asleep. which honestly can be in a few minutes as today was stressful (my cat couldnt poop and i cried lol i’m actually a mess.)

ALSO if you read the story, the program seulgi watched when she saw jerome for the first time was You Hee-yeol's Sketchbook when DEAN was on. and the songs she heard where HALF MOON (D) and ORDINARY PEOPLE. (which are probably one of my favourite performances of dean.) easter egg. or something like that i dont know-

ok naomi out

*uses a gif of my sweet winter child as i haven’t used one in ages*

#Writer Speaks.#ooc. { writer speaks writer speaks more like writer writes the declaration of independents what the fuck is this. }#{ started at 9pm with apologizing. ended at 6am with an exploring jerome rant ?? why }#{ hey i kept my word though i said i'd return tomorrow and EXACTLY a day has passed wow those skills }#{ stan talent stan my inability to crank out a sentence under an hour }

7 notes · View notes

astownd · 4 years

Text

So lets start off with in the ends it is all completely and utterly my own fault.I should have been able to see the signs. I should have been a better person, friend, fiance, man, and most importantly a dad.

Where do I even begin?

I felt like I worked so hard for my family I was creating in my own way, making money in my own way. Got a house with the beautiful mother of my little boy, things were good for awhile, than rough, than covid, than bad. But before that we lived in an apartment, and the things i was doing and the substances (alcohol and adderal) were my coping mech. I would stay up for days, not eat, constantly trying to make every dollar I could to make sure we had a place to live freely. ( we both grew up in not so good broken homes). She made little mistakes one that completely don’t matter and are way overlooked, love her with all my heart.

but the drugs and alcohol started getting to me, i became irritable constantly, never wanted to leave, hated everyone. I was always mad, always needed my way. Than I cheated once and thank god that she took me back even after that. Honestly she did a ton and most of all the work. She is one of the most dedicated and hard working woman/mothers I have ever come acrossed. She never stops making sure our son has everything he needs plus more, working constant hours at terrible jobs, sometimes with terrible people. I didnt see the stress it was putting on her, the constant cries for just down time for herself, or her need to want to go out and do things. I held her inside and caged away. ( not literally lol) I really should have been showing her off and paying for her countless nights to go out and have fun with her friends because honestly she fucking deserves and deserved it. I couldn’t be any happier that, that woman is the mother to OUR beautiful little boy. After my first few mistakes I just started tumbling downhill. Never stopped making them. I am so fucking sorry and truly dislike the person i became over all of it. After all that we had our son, and we put down a down payment on a home. We moved in things were good for awhile, than rough because of my laziness and lack of will to do anything ever. It was a mixture of that but also a mix of me actually being comfortable where I was at for once in my life. I finally had a place I could call a home, I FINALLY HAD A REAL family I could call my own. So i just got more lazy, I just began to lackadiscally relax all the time and do nothing, didn’t help unpack, barely got stuff done around the house. The stress built on her alot, and I saw it. She wanted me to get a job, a real job. So I would be a man. And I agree with her, I was not a man, and honestly probably still not, but I am trying to be for our son. I wish her too but I know I lost that part of me. She would come home and just want to relax, but would have to cook and take care of our son. She needed time alone but also out, and I never gave her either. Im so dumb for alot of things, but honestly losing her has to be by far the dumbest thing I could have done besides trying to take my own life after the fact. I wish we could have fixed it, I wish we could have communicated better. We both have mental issues, more me than her by far, and hers were probably caused by me in the end. But we got super bad right around christmas time, real bad, i was basically staying upstairs in my gaming room, my clothes were in the dressers anymore, they were up there. But like two weeks prior of one of the worst days of my life, things started to seem almost better. We were getting along again, I was seeing a smile in her face that I haven’t seen in so long. I feel so deeply, and honestly from the start of our relationship/ friendship her smile has always been my most fav thing about her. She even came an said to me “ why don’t you put your clothes back in the dresser, you have a family here, and we love you” because we got into an agruement over me being constantly needy and clingy. I was begging for her attentions for months but I didnt realize she didnt want to give it to me because I wasnt a man but I also was just ruining her along the way. So that night I didn’t move my clothes becasue it was late, but I got off the couch went downstairs and got into bed with my beautiful family. A week or two passes. I could tell she was being a little off. and at night one night she looks over to our son while were all in bed together and says I think daddy and I are better just as friends. Right away I teared up and began to cry because im so broken down at this point but purely because of my own causes. She says to me “ what you dont like the sounds of beings just friends” I said no, I love you, and so much more. She didn’t want to hear it, she didnt want to give me an ultimatum, or tell me what I had to work on. But she was in the complete right by far. So I eventually get quiet roll over and fall asleep crying. the next early morning I wake up to her flustered trying to pee. Our son wakes up so easily, so immediatley he gets up and follows her to the bathroom, its probably 630 am so Im dead asleep. I wake up and go right to the bathroom and she yells at me because she can’t go pee alone ever. In no mean tone or nothing I just said baby wake me up and Ill grab him for you anytime, and immediatley it started a fight because of the lurking thing from the night before. She said that we were toxic, that if we continued to be together now and longer that we couldn’t fix it and that we would always stay toxic. Clearly I didnt agree with that, begged and pleaded. It turned into the most heated agruement I have probably ever been in with some I have loved. I regret everything rotten and mean thing I said in my angry judgement. I didn’t mean any of it. I love every part of that woman, still even after all the things that have happened. and that she has maybe or maybe not done. But I was kicked out that day with nothing but my computer, xbox, wallet, monitor, and a handful of clothes. That is the day I LOST EVERYTHING my entire world. My entire dream, everything I began to strive but also wanted in my life. A home, a family, a beautiful wife, mother, and children. I went into a complete and utter psychotic break and was nuts. still am. I made her life hell, I scared her, I threatened her with taking our son away from her. So many things I did not mean but I would never do. Our son needs both of us, but most imnportantly he needs his mother. She worked and works so hard for him day in and day out and takes such good care of him. Sorry I needed to let it out somewhere, everyone near just says go fuck someone go do this. BUT NONE OF THAT is going to make me feel better, none of that is going to bring back my family, none of that is going to even help progress, if anything it would make things worse. So I sit and I remain forever loyal to who I would love to call my fiance still. But where I wanted to get at is WHAT the actual FUCK do you do when you lose EVERYTHING.She was my bestfriend, my everything, honestly probably the only reason geniune person I had in my life for a really long time so It was even worse, I had noone to turn to. No where to go. Noone wanted me . Noone wants me. I was just angry bringing everyone down around me after. Constantly drinking and just being stupid. Im really trying to get a better handle on things now though for my son. What kills me the most is before we had Wesser bean, she got preg before and had a miscarrage. Which kills both of us mentally, but more her than anything. That is her body, and that beautiful child was growing inside of her. We weren’t going to try again for the sake of our sanities after that. But on some of our long talking nights with one another we agreed that we wanted to try again, we wanted a family. But we promised to each other that we would never NO matter what let our children grow up like we did. In a broken home, a broken family. I want my son to be able to wake up next to his mother and father every living day and be able to enjoy all his little ups and downs. But I ruined that. I caused everything, I am the reason I lost everything. I am still so utterly confused and dont know where to go or what to do. My mind is always worrying about those two because they arent in arms reach and I cant be there quick enough. I still worry about her a ton even though everyone tells me I shouldn’t but that was my best freaking friend from almost the instant she curved me the first time. Thats the woman I loved, the woman I wanted to marry, the one I called fiance, but most importantly the mother to our child. So I will never stop worrying, or caring about it. I wish I had anyone, anyone that wouldn’t just push me off, or just give me some petty advice to go do some petty stuff like its going to slap her in the face? No becauses it not, she doesn’t love the piece of poop I am, nothing is going to slap her beautiful face. I would give anything to go back, fix some mistake, and be a man for them. Honestly I over think, thats my biggest issue. I love this girl to death, and I know im not adequate and she hasn’t had time to have fun or do the things she wanted too. But no matter what she has done, said, did, or didn’t do I would probably still take it like a grain of salt and do anything to immediately be back in her home, what I used to call home with them. To be a man, to be better. To be a dad. To be everything. Her and my son are my only lights, without them I just see darkness and it consumes me and just makes me want to do nothing, but it should burn a fire in me. I want them near by, cheering me on, but also helping me steer back onto the right path when im going astray. Its been three months now since I have been home, Since I have been able to sleep next to my son and wake up to his little smiling face. To be able to feel the warmth and hear my best friends voice on a daily basis. Shit three months since I have even slept on a mattress. about 2 months ago I took a estimated count of 32-45 pills of multiple different varieties. From pain killers, to adderal, to anti depressants, and sleeping pills. All one big mix. Got stupid drunk on top of it and tried taking my own life. I went to go lay down finally about an hour after I finished all the pills because I didnt feel well. The second my head hit the pillow I started throwing up really bad. I could not stop, I could not breathe. And the whole time All I could see Is my sons face. crying. not knowing where I went, What happened. Or why I was such a coward I would do that. about 5 minutes into me hurling I started to really not be able to breathe, I almost couldn’t choke the words out from the back of the trailer, I screamed as hard as I could from an ambulance. My mom came running in and looked at me and asked seriously If i needed it or not. I looked back and told her I would die if she didn’t. She called, I ended up waking up 3-6 hours later in a hospital bed completely and utterly confused but so fucking ashamed. They had a therapist or someone in there waiting for me to wake up, I guess I said somethings in my delusions of substance. But about after 15 minutes of talking to him and him seeing my sit. He looked at me told me they pumped my stom, and that If I didnt make that call My son wouldn’t have a father. Hearing him say that still kills me. I messed up big that time. they released me within 25 minutes of waking me up. no shoes, no shirts, puke covered pants, no cell phone at 630 am. What a wonderful hospital right? Try to take my life and they save it, but let me go just like I was nothing. I got to a near by store called for a ride and waited. Showed up home at my moms more ashamed and more sad because of yet another terrible choice I made. Tonight is the first night aubs have let me have our son alone for a time period. And for a solid 15 minutes I Couldn’t stop but also wanting to apologize so much to my son. He just came up to me gave me a big wesser hug, layed on me, and let me sing to him for 30 mins just like mummy used to do so he could fall asleep. I never felt a love like I do for my boy, loving a human like aubrey is wonderful and beyond one of a kind, but loving your child and their love back is something words alone cannot describe. I can’t ever be so sorry that I ever tried that, that I ever would do that to my son. He deserves so much better. I am slowly trying tho too. Not alot of people know because noone cares and I just want to be alone but I scraped together the last remainder of any cash or any value I had left and got 4k. Didn’t sell our wedding ring or anything for that money. (its worth is 4.2-5.5k) I be holding onto that thing like its my life, I constantly catch myself grabbing it and wearing it still like a loser lol.Went and looked at a little trailer today, needs gutted almost, decent amount of work. Guy was asking 4k. with the work it needed I went balls deep said 2, he hit me with 2.5k If the mobile home park accepts my background check hopefully Ill finally have a little place I can lay my head. Its been a rough three months, homeless I would say, couch hopping, place to place. I am done now. I am fed up with myself but with everyone and everything around me. I need to be better for my son, so this is my start and my little way I guess. I have been applying countless places, All I want to do is dive all my time into some form of work/ works and be alone unless my son ( his mother included one could wish) is the company. My bills would be utterly dumb cheap. I just want to work and help her out to provide but keep the beautiful home she chose for her future family. I want to be able to make sure I can reassure her she won’t lose that roof, or that she can go out and eat, or wes can have that toy. She works to damn hard to lose it. It was like a movie too, third house on the realtors listings. We walk through the front door threshold, immediate second she turned around with the smile I fell inlove with and said this is the one. AND BY god when this woman says she wants something or is going to do something, she fucking does it, does it well, sticks it to ya, and does it kick. Immediately she got an offer in and she got her home. I’ll never be able to fix the mistakes and wrongs I did. Never be able to give back all the time and tears and heartache I caused her and her family countless times. But I want to be able to be part of my sons life, to atleast try to atone for the terrible things I did. I want 0 pity by the way. This was soley for me. For me to let stuff out. I will forever love aub snuffalfugus. and of course our beautiful boy Wesley. I would do anything, give anything, forgive and forget anything this second to see her walking up to me holding our little man and say “does daddy wanna come home” or “ dad come home” or “ i think its time dad comes home”. I understand I never will get that chance and by far I never will get that chance. I understand I did this, I created this, and I am the one to blame. I pray to god every night that maybe right now just wasn’t the exact time or what we needed. That he will lead our path back together one day. I see glimmers of hope in dumb things, but thats my over thinking. I love that freaking beautiful furrowed browed woman and our son so much. and with me being gone, I can’t tell if shes struggling, I can’t tell if she cares, I can’t tell if she thinks about us, our old family, or the things that happened. She has such a good poker face, shes so good at holding things in. But she has been glowing, has been looking more beautiful than ever with her hair all curly and down. She is constantly in her phone texting and smiling, and when I say that I in no form care who or about what, I care that the fact that the smile is there and its the real one. She seems happier, healthier, and more together than ever and I hope that its not a front, not that it matters because shes a strong ass mom and she kicked thru it. I love seeing her happy. I love seeing her look good. i absolutely adore the fucking smile. I am trying to come to terms that maybe I wasn’t the right one, That I couldn’t make her happy, but I was placed there to get her through a time , but also for her to have our beautiful son. Now that he has come, she has seen that I wasn’t much of really anything, so she bettered herself. But even if shes not with me, as long as she is safe, our son is safe, they have a warm roof above their heads, and full tummies than I can’t complain. That is what im striving for. To just be able to simplify their lifes but to see her smile again, and I have been seeing it and she rockkkkk that shit. Everytime I see her I get into my feelings, but tonight hit me for some reason. Tonight really had/has me thinking. Forever stay our beautiful little chunk Wesser. I love you both.

ok done word vommiting, think im ready to cry if off in the shower lmao.

#personal forme

0 notes

ddcjas · 7 years

Note

trey and jai for the lil couples meme

[folds hands] ALRIGHT KIDS BUCKLE UP, HERE WE GO!

1. Who's the one who's reckless and always getting into trouble while the other gotta pull em out

honestly?? jaira’s the reckless one, but she can pull herself out. meanwhile, if trey got into trouble, jai’s there in .000001 seconds.

2. Who's the one to send the other "I love my gf/bf" memes

trey. and jaira just responds with something vaguely mean or threatens to cancel his service provider.

3. Who's the one who listens to a music genre the other doesn't like and how does the other react

jaira doesn’t like anything. so it’s probably something that’s actually decent and jaira’s just standing there with an attitude the entire time for no absolute reason at all

4. Which one spoils the other more and do they ever get competitive to show the other more love

trey absolutely adores having someone to spoil, especially when he knows jai doesn’t like it :> but jaira shows her affection/spoils in different ways so it can get a little bit competitive from time to time

5. How many years did it take to get married or was it just not for them

marriage is not for jaira. marriage refuses to marry another human. but she’ll probably still give him the satisfaction of a “ceremony” even if it’s just a domestic partnership or something.

6. What was their wedding like

lame and cheesy.

7. Is their friends/family supportive

well.....jaira’s entire family is dead at this point lol. all she has as “family” are her best friends selena and adina (YES: ADINA MORALES, AKA WONDERWOMAN, AKA CAMDEN’S GIRLFRIEND???? IS JAIRA’S BEST FRIEND LMAO) and her cousin nadia turay-williams. as for trey, aside from the whole “my girlfriend is a real life vampire see look!” thing, they probably support it.

8. How does one comfort the other when the other is in distress/having a panic attack/crying

when trey is having a “moment”, at first jaira didn’t know how to handle it and it annoyed/confused her. but now, she’s learned to give him some room to breathe and if its that necessary, she knows how his anxiety makes him irritable so she’d literally make him take off his clothes and sit in ice to wake him the fuck up. as for jaira, she’s violent when in distress, soooooo....as badly as he’d want to help, he’s gonna need to give her space unless he wants her to severely injure him lol!!!

9. Which one dissociates

jaira dissociates a lot, actually. she’s had practice so she can hide it better, but they both prbly dissociate when they’re alone rather than in front of the other.

10. Which one stares at the other's booty like "damn" and how does the other react when catching them

LOL TREY. at this point, jaira no longer has the energy to say anything anymore.

11. When they live together what kinda place do they live in? What does their home look like?

i mean, they do live together lol they’re downstairs neighbors. jaira’s apartment is really like...scarce? but still messy? and lots of shit is broken lol. meanwhile, trey’s apartment is neater and more organized. and full of books and plants and posters of the black panthers and shi.t

12. What do their dates look like

cute shit like going to the movies and to dinner

13. How does each act when getting drunk

jaira doesn’t exactly get drunk lol but trey gets super talkative and more willing to admit things that he probably wouldn’t if he were sober.

14. Which one rolls over in the morning to wake up the other one just to give kiss them

trey, because jaira’s already up looking at him anyway.

15. Have they saved each other's lives before

yeah, she probably has. i mean, she killed a guy in his bathroom.

16. Does one have an interest the other think is weird but wants to listen to it regardless

jaira is........so fucking weird. she picked up a lot of habits so he’s still getting used to them all, but he thinks her fascination with numbers is probably the weirdest one.

17. Which one uses cropped hentai as reaction images

jaira. don’t ask why.

18. Does one of them kinkshame the other

jaira generation-shames.

19. Is one of them self conscious about their body? If so how does the other comfort them

it’s not really self conscious i guess? she doesn’t like talking about her “death scar” that covers the left side of her ribcage, and she doesn’t like how she doesn’t take a human-like appearance. he reassures her often that it’s what makes her unique, but she still will take extra precautions to look “normal” if they go out.

20. Say they were cuddling on the bed while listening to record player playing the background. Which song is playing?

all the way down. shut up.

21. What is their song? Like the song that gives them overwhelming feelings?

insecure or scales. :~)

22. What song do they listen to while going on a joyride

jaira prefers instrumentals.

23. What kinda joyrides do they go on? Relaxing ones or wild ones?

relaxing ones. unless jaira decides she wants to get #Wild, then guess what? they gettin wild.

24. Where would they vacation for a honeymoon

jaira’s already been every damn where, so she’d just take him to all her favorite places.

25. Do people ever get annoyed of their pda

yes. namely, jaira.

26. Would they live in the city or the country

jaira prefers the city as a blending method, but trey likes the quietness so she’ll settle.

27. Which ones the red which ones the blue

it depends. normally jaira’s red and he’s blue due to their circumstances, but jaira can be very blue and his “liveliness” is the red.

28. Are either of them mentally ill, if so how do they help one another cope

jaira’s very depressed. and has been depressed for years. its something i wanna expand on more for the sake of developing, but jaira’s depression can be so bad that her still being alive is painful, because she knows she can’t do anything about it. before trey, she either didn’t sleep at all or slept for days at a time. (ofc now her sleeping is bc of dat BABY) also, because of the things she’s seen and endured in a past life, she may have PTSD as well.

29. Does one have a spot on them where they would melt when the other kisses them there

neck kisses

30. Do they dance together

whenever trey makes her, yeah.

31. Do they sing together

whenever trey MAKES her, yeah. bc he knows now that she had a whole career out of it, so he takes whatever he can get

32. Which one is better at cooking than the other and makes most the dinners

jaira, hands down.

34. Are they a reckless couple or safe

surprisingly, they are soooo safe.

35. What be they kinks and do they try each other's kinks

yoooo, they are probably so fucking spontaneous. he probably uses her powers as an advantage to do shit like CEILING SEX

36. What would their valentines gifts be to each other

trey’s would be something super heartfelt that would last a long time so she understands how he felt about her. jaira would like...cook something. or a buy a book. or something completely dumb that only she understands.

37. Do they get into fights often? If so what do they fight over and how do they make up?

their fights are probably over things super passive that could easily be fixed, but because they’re so “different”, they have different points and view and have no idea how to handle it. they separate for a little while but eventually find an excuse to see the other and talk it out. or...they get drunk and talk it out. or, jaira has to kill someone.

38. Which ones top, bottom, verse

no offense, but jaira tops.

39. What kinda sex they be having (gentle rough whatever)

it depends on the mood. i feel like they have rough ‘quickies’ where they end up breaking shit, but it’s probably gentle most of the time.

40. Who would fight in honor for the other if someone would insult them

trey. he knows that jaira is fully capable of defending herself from deadass anything, but he’ll still fight for her.

41. Which one has a favorite movie that they have the other watch with them again and again

trey probably bought jaira a TV so they can watch movies, tf.

42. How would one react if the other was to die

WE ARENT TALKING ABOUT THIS but she’d probably find a way to die. that’s her 10, man.

43. Who dies first

OR THIS but we all know unless jaira turns him, it’s trey.

44. Do they want kids

it was never a discussion, bc yknow, she’s dead so he prolly assumed she couldn’t have any/jaira doesnt talk about the fact she has kids around the world. but now it doesnt have to be :-)

45. How would they spend their last moments together

NO but listen. jaira would probably hold him like a baby because she knows how much he hates it but she wouldn’t care, and she’d talk about the moments they had before they started talking to each other regularly like when they’d run into each other in the laundromat or in the hallway when she’s yelling at people and then she’d probably talk about the wife she had that died and why she never wanted to turn him (if she never turns him)

#ship — jaira x trevaunn #WHEW #barrymcre

1 note · View note

tiredcommunisstt · 7 years

Text

1. Whats the real reason i’m confused right now?

uhm theres a lot of things that are confusing me like basically what the fuck is going on with my life and why i can’t leave or lose feelings for my abuser who just so happens to be my boyfriend.

2. Do i ever get good morning texts?

lol no

3. If your significant other smoked pot would you care?

it'd honestly be preferable

4. Do you find it easy to trust others?

absolutely. until they give me reasonable cause not to, in that case, i may never trust them again.

5. what were you doing at 11pm last night?

falling asleep w my headphones in

6. You're drunk and lost walking down a road, who is with you?

probably @shez-a-goner

7. What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on?

welp. funny you should ask. theres not much you can do except exist in a permanently soul-shattered state.

8. are you close with your dad?

no. i don’t know my real dad whatsoever and my adoptive dad and me never talk.

9. I bet you kissed someone last night, right?

yes

10. What are you listening to?

currently, the sound of alex flushing the toilet.

11. You can only drink one liquid for the rest of your life- what is it?

Uhm? what the fuck else would it be? water obviously

12. do you like hickeys?

the idea, yes. i don't like getting them, they kinda hurt.

13. what time do you go to bed?

mainly before midnight. like around 11 ish.

14. is there someone who constantly lets you down?

yes

15. can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both?

16. do you always answer texts?

17. Do the hate the person you fell the hardest for?

its complicated

18. when was the last time you talked to your best friends?

last night

19. is there someone that make you happy everytime you see them?

yes @shez-a-goner

20. what was the last thought you had before you went to bed last night?

i fucking love xanax

21. is anyone else in the room with you?

my boyfriend

22. do you believe what goes around comes around?

yeah

23. where you happier four months ago than you are now?

nah it was winter dude. i don't fucks with winter.

24. is there someone you wish you could fix things with?

25. in the past week have you cried?

yeah

26. what color is the shirt you're wearing?

blue

27. do people ever call you by your last name?

no and they better not i hate that shit.

28. is anyone ignoring you right now?

probably god.

29. do you have a best friend?

yes

30. would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed?

yes. I've imagined him kissing her a billion trillion times in my head though so its whatever.

31. who was your last call from?

my probation officer

32. are you mad at anyone?

always and forever

33. have you ever kissed someone older than you?

yeah

34. how old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday?

35. how many more days till your birthday? idk. its on october 29th.

36. do you have summer plans yet?

37. do you have any good friends of the opposite sex?

yeah

38. are you keeping anything from your best friend now?

39. do you have a secret you've never told anyone?

yeah

40. have you ever regretted kissing someone?

yeah

41. do you think age matters in relationships?

yes and no, if its some predator shit then yes. if you're both other than like 20 and you have a few years between you it doesn't matter at all.

42. are you available?

for what

43. how many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended?

one

44. if you had to get a piercing(not ears) what would you get?

nose or belly button

45. do you believe exes can be friends?

depends

46. do you regret anything?

of course.

47. honestly whats on your mind right now?

everything. I'm overwhelmed with my life right now and i wish i could just run away.

48. did you ever lose a best friend?

yeah

49. was your last kiss a mistake?

not really.

50. why arent you pursuing the person you like?

they're taken

51. has the person you last kissed ever seen you cry?

considering the fact that they're primarily the reason i cry, yes

52. do you still talk to the person you last kissed?

duh, i live with them

54. what was the last thing you ate?

the CARS movie shaped mac and cheese

55. where are you going on your next vacation?

hell.

56. do you own anything from other countries?

most likely.

57. are most of your friends girls or guys?

girls

58. where have you lived most of your life?

the state of despair.hahahah uh, michigan

59. when was the last time you took a long drive?

considering the fact that alex fucking just randomly drives around forever and ever, probs recently.

60. have you ever played spin the bottle?

yeah. at a bonfire and in ninth grade at the end of the year school picnic.

61. have you ever TP’d someones house?

uhm no but i had this huge crush on a girl when i was like 13. and my friends preston, cara, and i snuck out of their house at night and walked over to her house and poured cans of peaches and cream of mushroom soup all over her parents cars because she didn't like me back. #wild

62. who do you text the most?

alex and vickii

63. what was the last movie you saw?

bad santa 2

64. whats preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex?

HAAAAA. the fact that he cheated on her(with me....even though technically me and him were dating first) AND SHE HATES HIS FUCKING gUts. he broke her fuckin heart i highly doubt she ever wants to see his faggot face ever again.

65. how many bf/gfs did you have in 2010?

none lmao i was like 12.

66. is the last person you kissed younger than you?

HE ACTS IT. (but no)

67. do you curse around your parents?

fuck no.

68. are you happy with where you live?

69. pic of myself?

70. are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open ended relationships?

hum if we're fucking dating i better be the only fucking one bitch

71, have you ever been dumped?

72. what do you like the most about making out?

I've never really....made out.. with someone. to me its more intimate than like sex itself. and I'm really uncomfortable. i don't know how to kiss. if i ever make out with someone ill probably have to ask them to marry me because to me thats a Big Deal.

73. have you ever casually made out with someone?

no bitch

74. when you kiss someone for the first time is it you who initiates it?

id rather die than make the first move

75. what part of a person body do you find the most attractive?

eyes. but i also like the underside of peoples wrists,,,like where their veins are.

76. who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed?

alex

77. had sex with someone you knew less than an hour?

yes. for drugs lol.

78. had sex with someone you didn't know their name?

uhm at the time i knew his name but I've forgotten it so when i go through my body count i just refer to him as john

79. what makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face?

i once had a big ass crush on this girl i used to work with at kroger and i always wanted to be her bagger cuz everything she did had me like motherfucking heart eyes lmao.

80. would you get involved w someone who had a child already?

thats a question i do not know the answer to.

81. has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you?

no one has ever had a crush on me.

82. do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush?

literally like everyone EXCEPT for that person. when i have a crush on someone I'm like completely obsessed and wanna shout it from the mountains.

83. do you miss your last sweetie?

i miss Kroger cashier girl lol kinda i haven't had too many crushes. also this girl i was crushing on, but she like low-key doesn't like me and had a girlfriend the whole time lol

84. last time you slow danced with someone?

probs prom 2015

85. have you ever dated someone you've never met?

no. thats fuckin Stupit

86. how can i win your heart?

uhmmmmmmmmm idk. i fall in love with people who make me laugh and people who are completely unavailable. so just make sure theres absolutely no way for us to ever come together and ill probably get down on one knee for the fuck of it. i love a good never-ending chase.

87. whats your sign?

S C O R P I O. and yes. i love being a scorpio.

88. What were you doing last night at 12 am?

sleeping.

89. do you cook?

not to brag but fuck yeah. i ran the kitchen at a small family restaurant called the yum yum tree. one thing I'm definitely great at.

90. have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than three months of no communication?

91. if you're single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship?

switch that question around and it would be a yes.

92. do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly?

i want the real deal and nothing less. i don't like to play around with peoples feelings.

93. what physical traits do you look for in a potential interest?

idk. i don't have a type. if all the things you have on your body come together in a cute way, you're cute, and i think you're cute, and thats that

94. name four things you wish you had:

love

stability

happiness

my dream body

95. are you a player?

96. have you ever kissed two people in one day?

yes

97. are you a tease?

yeah. i like to send nudes and shit to guys and then never respond to them after they compliment me:)

98. ever meet anyone you met on tumblr?

99. have you ever been deeply in love with someone?

i don't know. at this point in my life i don't think i really grasp what love is. its always me having strong feelings for someone and never having it returned....isnt that just infatuation?

100. anyone on tumblr you'd go on a date with?

theres like a billion people on this site I'm sure theres someone id go on a date with

101. hugs or kisses.

depends

102. are you too shy to ask someone out?

id rather die than ask someone out

103. the first thing i notice about the opposite sex?

probably their hair, facial features

104. is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe?

yeah

105. if a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew she/he was in a relationship, would you go for it?

fuck off.

106. do you flirt a lot?

like never

107. your last kiss?

like twenty mins ago

108. have you kissed more than five people since the start of 2011?

maybe close but maybe not. idk

109. have you kissed anyone in the past month?

uh yeah. whats with the intense interest in kissing?

110. if you could kiss anyone who would it be?

a girl

111. do you know who you'll kiss next?

i have an idea..

112. does someone like you currently.

well I'm in a relationship buttttttt i....doubt....it

113. do you currently have feelings for someone?

yes

4 notes · View notes