#(and yes the reason for this is likely because rachel bloom had a lot of say over her own show but my god do I appreciate her doing that)

[musical-chick-13]

Was going back through the Crazy Ex-Girlfriend music videos to revisit Rebecca’s songs, and it genuinely blows me away how much they just...let her look like a regular person.

[nicejewishcharactershowdown]

Nice Jewish Character Showdown 2023 - Round Two Eliminations

Another round has passed, one I'd liken to a bloodbath, and we're down to 8 competitors in the race for the NJCS 2023 title. Before the quarterfinal votes go live, let's check in with those disqualified contestants and discuss what makes them such Nice Jewish Characters.

Match One Elimination: Cristina Yang, Grey's Anatomy Probably the most well-known Asian Jew in television, Cristina Yang is canonically Jewish, thanks to her step-father who raised her in it (her mother converted). Grey's has a weird relationship with Judaism, like a lot of medical dramas, but it definitely gets points for the rare and definitely appreciated look at how diverse the Jewish population is.

Match Two Elimination: Tevye, Fiddler on the Roof It's the quintessential Jewish musical, it's one of the main reasons we've seen a shtetl-core resurgence, it's Fiddler! It was definitely the match-up of the dads this time around, and as much as I love this man, his success rate in reference to loving and supporting his daughters is, well... not a perfect score. Thank you Sholem Aleichem for the original stories, thank you Chaim Topol for your iconic portrayal in the movie, alongside Zero Mostel, Leonard Nimoy (yes, Nimoy played Tevye for a bit!), Alfred Molina, Harvey Fierstein, Danny Burstein, and many, many more. Nothing truly hits like being a Jew in the diaspora and watching Fiddler. Still bummed I haven't had a chance to see Yiddler, the Yiddish remount. (Oh, and Fiddler tends to be free on Youtube, so if you haven't seen it before -- or want to revisit Anatevka, treat yourself!)

Match Three Elimination: Rebecca Bunch, Crazy Ex Girlfriend *hits top of a car* this baby can fit so many song titles from CEXG in it When looking for representation, it can often feel like no one else is singing your song. Sure, there are the characters whose Judaism is restricted to reminding you that we've suffered, or who become props for some Christmas Special. But then we get a gem in the rough, a girl in love, a Jewish American Princess who moves across the country to follow a former summer camp crush. Crazy Ex Girlfriend was a rarity, and the four season run blessed us with a lot of quality television, and something even rarer -- a multidimensional Jewish lead. If you haven't had a chance to meet Rebecca, the entire show is available to stream on Netflix. And yes, when I realized how much she was losing this round, this song was on loop in my brain. Apologies to Rachel Bloom and the rest of the CEXG team, I seriously thought you'd sweep this thing. What a twisted fate.

Match Four Elimination: Lily Moscovitz, The Princess Diaries Oh, Lily, I think the internet misunderstands you more often than not these days. But to ignore your Jewishness is an absolute faux pas, whether you're looking at the movies or the much more blatantly Jewish representation you get in the books. Seriously though, I can think of at least a handful of Jewish girls I grew up with who remind me of the headstrong public access host. Side note -- to all the girlies who grew up hating their curly hair because of the nightmare of a makeover Mia got, I'm right there with you, and we'll get through this together. Honestly, I think there's something to be said about Jew-coding's relationship with makeover scenes, but we don't have the time for that right now.

Match Five Elimination: Francine Frensky, Arthur I've mentioned before how I grew up on public access television, so is it any surprise when I say that Francine was (probably) the first time I saw myself on television? Even if it didn't come up a lot outside of holiday episodes (at least in the seasons that aired when I watched), Francine's Judaism felt recognizable. Plus, if you told her she was just token representation, she'd probably sock you in the face. Oh, and something I found while researching -- THE GOLEM IS A PLOT POINT IN A HALLOWEEN EPISODE?! Seriously, props to PBS.

Match Six Elimination: Ferris Bueller, Ferris Bueller's Day Off Finding good representation in any 80's movie is going to be an uphill battle, considering well. The 80's-ness of it all. So when looking for a good Jewish character, it's much easier to default back to the transitive property of Jewish media (art made by Jews being Jewish by way of their perspective being translated into the text). Since Matthew Broderick, Ferris himself, is Jewish, who's to say the most beloved delinquent of his era isn't too? Plus, he's a stock standard rebel against restrictive institutions. Listen, I have the original Footloose on my coded Jewish representation Letterboxd list, I have no room to judge. *Points to Ferris* That's a NJB right there.

Match Seven Elimination: Truman Burbank, The Truman Show Speaking of my coded Jewish representation Letterboxd list, this movie SCREAMS Judaism to me. Come on -- it's so critical of Christianity that it almost falls backwards into Judaism. Free will in spite of a higher power? Disagreeing with authority so much that you flee your home, your world, your reality? Helps that his hometown is so heavily designed after post-war 50's suburbia, which has its own relationship with being Jewish. So is Truman Jewish? I think he can be -- watch the movie and make the call for yourself. It's a classic for a reason, and I won't rob you of the experience.

Match Eight Elimination: Wall-E, Wall-E Wall-E, my robot blorbo, the most Guy of any Pixar protagonist -- what makes him Jewish? He loves Barbra Streisand, collects tcotchkes, and is relentlessly working to make the world better, even if he's the only one still doing it (tikkun olam has NEVER seen a cuter mascot).

[tuiyla]

I wonder sometimes if glee was one of the last gasps of TV that wasn’t primarily streaming driven. The another anon made a doctor who comparison and I think that’s apt - that being a show who’s ratings have been so changed by the shift to streaming, something fans never stop arguing about. Game of thrones, maybe, is another? But glee was *so* huge, mainstream wise for five minutes.

Yeah that checks out. Coming to think about it, streaming got bigger and bigger just as Glee ended. Sometimes I think about season 6 and how different the world already was, a contrast to the first season's 2009 immediate post-Obama election vibe.

Doctor Who is a fascinating example because of its longevity but also the fact that it constantly changes, and fans often conflate the reasons behind (lack of) viewership with the show's content. Sometimes it's just the world changing around the show. You'd think something like Doctor Who is uniquely equipped to adapt to that but, well, depends on your perspective how successful that has been.

I think the main reason Glee is hard to compare to another media property is because it was, by all means and despite initial intent, a teen show. GoT with its explicit violence and high fantasy is literally a different world, and so was everything else even nearly as popular. I don't know if I'd say Glee was the most popular teen show of the 2010s but it certainly... occupied a unique space in the mainstream, in the zeitgeist. One that the likes of Gossip Girl or PLL or The Vampire Diaries could never. Maybe it was the musical thing, maybe the dramedy, maybe just this unique cocktail. But it was so insanely ubiquitous and though it did drop off a lot people's radars in later seasons, there's a reason it is still talked about in the mainstream today. The tragedies, yes, the scandals, sure, but also because the grip it had on pop culture never really went away.

Like, when Pitch Perfect came out? Everyone went "oh like Glee." Rachel Bloom, when doing initial promo interviews for Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, had to clarify again and again that, not exactly like Glee, these were original songs. Can't imagine what branding Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist must have been like. And then, of course, the teen show right of passage of being compared to Glee in some way or another.

[noobsomeexagerjunk]

cursed shit i’ve said to the Official Starkid Amino groupchat + more

“more” referring to a stupid au/hypothetical circumstance

ted and atty goldstein had a bet on who would sleep with all of hatchetfield first

atty goldstein wins for obvious reasons

ted begging paul and emma to help him on this bet to the point of serenading them voluntarily

mr. davidson went to toyzone for the wrong reasons

technically junior’s full name is Doctor Spaceclaw Jr.

“orgies happen a lot in drowsy town,”me, absentmindedly typing

in trying to explain how wiley just is in there

not sure if cursed but i proposed an AU where Curt Mega (the character) was the bad guy rogue being chased by lavender team-up Owen Cavour and Tatiana Shlozno–Tati has to keep Owen from fallling in love with the american menace

basically i got curious over the intense distinguished energy that would be emitted if we saw owen and tati working together

yes owen’s still gay why would i erase that--aspec tati because it’s my AU

not mine but dicksonas

come think of it, if mamd came out more recently, i bet the concept would’ve existed

my concerns towards the implications of man in a hurry’s insistence that wiggly is his “little boyfriend”

not cursed but a full convo concerning atty goldstein led me to making a rival lawyer oc from clivesdale; lesbian, extra as fuck, noble mcnamara-esque-vibes, really hates gary’s tendency to help the worst of hatchetfield

hypothetically played by either meredith stepien or mary kate wiles should we get her into a starkid musical (she was in movies, musicals, and me sooo)

proposing uncle wiley being puppeted by wiggly’s tentacles

here’s shit about a hypothetical, never-gonna-exist winx club parody musical—jinxed or something

me to the friend who said dicksonas: starkid winx club musical parody

because she had been telling me about her ideas for a winx club redux

and her significantly gayer, suit-donning diaspro reminded me of lauren lopez’s extra af characters

we did fancasting

in which jamie lyn betty, britney coleman, and mariah rose faith were agreed upon as the trix, icy, stormy, and darcy respectively

wondered if mary kate wiles or kim whalen would fit bloom more; she concluded with kim but i stand by mary kate as a hypothetical bloom

the wizards of the black circle are a bunch of soft dudebros who smoke a lot; we both agreed jeff blim would be the perfect orgon, hair and all

as i described it, “a smoke club consisting of keith swansons”

agreed that angela would be roxy, rachel as musa, and meredith as tecna

robert manion was somehow playing all the specialists

she deadass kept fancasting joey in all the other male villain roles and honestly mood

of all of them, joey richter as tritannus stuck to me because 1) merman joey sounds kinda hot 2) joey-jamie character dynamic 3) brooding, extra, edgy villain joey is something i would kill to see

“believix is instead fueled by how many people the winx get to worship them—like another cult scenario” me to her, while brainstorming further for this dumb hypothetical set of circumstances

she said some crack ships, but i outright forgot what they were oops

[cashforrester]

rank all the songs on the trolls soundtracks!

Alrighty! Since there's 33 total, I'm going to start at #33 and go up to #1, aka the best song in both Trolls combined soundtracks! Please note that I'm not up to debating any of these placements and if you try, I'll scream -- I'm not an expert on much, but I am on the world of Trolls and that's absolutely final. Also worth noting is that even #33 is a masterpiece; this list really isn't from bad to good, it's more from 'pretty good' to 'absolutely rocked my world and changed it forever more!'.

33. The last place spot goes to "Rainbows, Unicorns, Everything Nice" from Trolls: World Tour! It’s a fun little bop and it got a small chuckle out of me but in the end, it’s super short and a little too obvious.

32. “The Other Side” by SZA and JT has to score low. I know it was used to bookend Trolls: World Tour or at least the instrumentals were, but it’s one of the more boring songs on the soundtrack which is the closest to a criticism of one of these songs I’ll have.

31. “Just Sing”, the non-film version, goes here. I know this seems low and it kind of is, but that’s because outside of the context of the movie, the song doesn’t have the same punch! The movie version will be higher on the list!

30. Next goes to "What U Workin' With?" by Gwen Stefani and Justin Timberlake from Trolls! It wasn’t super utilized in the movie so it’s just kind of a spare song on the soundtracks, even if it is a fun bop! I still dance along when it comes on my playlists but the other songs are more integral to the plot.

29. The next spot goes to "Don't Slack" by Anderson Paak and Justin Timberlake, aka the voices of Prince D and Branch! It’s used in the credits of Trolls: World Tour and they’re cute little credits and a cute little song but because it wasn’t used in a more relevant way, it has to rank lower than the others.

28. "I Fall to Pieces" by Sam Rockell, aka the voice of Hickory from Trolls: World Tour comes next! It’s a short but totally funny country tune that’s used well in the plot and made me smile. It is very short though and more of a joke than anything else, but the music isn’t bad so here we go!

27. "Rock N Roll Rules" by HAIM comes next and it’s a really REALLY good song, don’t get me wrong! I love the instrumentals and how they’re used in Trolls: World Tour and I still wish they’d gotten the lead singer of HAIM to voice Queen Barb instead of Rachel Bloom, but ultimately it just reminds me we didn’t get a great rock vocalist for the most important character in the sequel.

26. "It's All Love" by Andersen Paak has to come next! I love this song actually but there’s two versions on the soundtrack and this is the non-film version so it’s got to score lower than songs actually used in the movies, but holy heck, it’s a really good song, I’d highly recommend it.

25. Another song that’s just used as a joke is "The Sound of Silence" by Anna Kendrick, aka Poppy in Trolls and this ranks higher than the others because it was the first real joke song and it made me laugh so hard I cried!

24. "Barracuda” is the worst of Rachel Bloom’s vocal performances in Trolls: World Tour and I hate to say it, I really do, but at times on this one, you can definitely hear that she isn’t a rock singer. It scores higher than the others so far because it was used in a super plot relevant moment and super effectively! AND the most offensive part of the song to my ears, when she says the titular word horribly, was cut out of the film, so it gets 26th instead of last place for being a song that’s hard for me, the King of Suspension of Disbelief, to take seriously.

23. “They Don’t Know” by Ariana Grande comes next. It’s a fun bubbly song that fits Gristle and Bridget’s first date in Trolls perfectly and it made me really really want a roller-skating date at some point in my life. It gets points off for not being able to understand the words and also because none of the characters actually sang it. Songs in the backgrounds of musicals score lower with me.

22. I have to put “Can’t Stop the Feeling” by Justin Timberlake here. It’s one of my favorite songs ever but the film version is even better! It gets higher than other non-film versions because of how much it was used for advertising, it basically became synonymous with the Trolls franchise and that sparks joy.

21. And on that note, I have to put “True Colors” the non-film version, before we get to our top twenty. It’s such an amazing song but in the scope of the Troll world... well, the film version is going to score way higher, you’ll see.

20. "Trolls 2 Many Hits Mashup" in Trolls: World Tour has to come next. It’s the last joke song, and the highest scorer because at least they committed to the joke of pop music being way too much! The scene in its entirety is hilarious and all the voice actors really did their best! 

19. "Leaving Lonesome Flats" from Trolls: World Tour comes next! It loses some major points for not being sung by a character in the movie but it’s basically sung by the location that is Lonesome Flats and I love that! It’s a fun little country dirge that really makes us feel transported and it also slaps.

18. "Crazy Train" is maybe the average of Rachel Bloom’s performance as Barb in Trolls: World Tour. It’s over the top and not necessarily in a good way but it’s inoffensive to the ears and a good song notwithstanding whether it’s a cover. 

17. "Trolls Wanna Have Good Times" has to come next which isn’t fair, really; the only reason it’s not higher is because it’s clearly trying to do as well at an opening medley as its predecessor Trolls did with their opening medley. As it often is with sequels, the opening number really didn’t measure up. It was made up of some really fun parts and it gets points for having personalized lyrics (’lived underground away from the world till I had my life changed by a beautiful girl. Just need the guts to tell her that she’s the one’? Amazing!)

16. "Hair Up" from the opening of Trolls comes next! It’s purely sentimental that its this high but every time I hear this beat, it’s like I’m about to start watching Trolls and my whole mind and body get happy so it had to be top twenty, although not fifteen because it’s not the best of the best.

15. "Born to Die" by Kelly Clarkson, aka Delta Dawn, from Trolls: World Tour comes next. My favorite songs from the sequels were the introduction songs for the most part, and this song did a great job of summing up the differences between country trolls and pop trolls. It was great for plot, character, and conflict! It’s just not the kind of music I bop to - ironically, it’s lower than the other introduction songs for me because it’s not fun, which I know is their whole thing, but my whole thing is having fun!

14. "Atomic Dog World Tour Remix" is the funk trolls introduction song in Trolls: World Tour and it’s funky and fun and fresh and I love it! There’s not that much to say about this one, it’s used pretty quickly but very effectively from a storytelling standpoint! It quickly puts us into the world of the funk trolls.

13. "One More Time" is a very nearly perfect introduction song for the techno trolls in Trolls: World Tour! I love how the emphasis of this song is the instrumentals and the dancing more than the actual words -- the techno trolls are big on synchronicity and beats and it’s something that differentiates them from the other kinds of trolls and also makes them a devastating first colony to attack in the movie. They’re all about unity and togetherness and something about attacking and tearing apart the group that’s all about syncing up is so tragic.

12.  “Rock You Like a Hurricane” is the best Bloom sounds in the movie as Barb, and it’s also her introduction song, not surprisingly. The instrumentals are amazing both as a display of talent and power and her voice lends itself well to the moment; it’s a great opener for the rock trolls and it made me so excited to see more from them!

11. “Perfect for Me” is Trolls: World Tour’s answer to the excellence that was the True Colors duet and it was really cute! It wasn’t quite as perfect for the moment as True Colors was, which is funny because this one was written for the movie but I don’t know, since it was written for the movie, I’d have hoped it’d be better? More fitting? It’s a fine enough song that sometimes I listen to sadly while lying down in my bed but in the Trollverse, it’s not top ten material.

10. “September” comes next! It’s the song that the Trolls start singing as soon as they escape the Bergins and it’s their celebration song and I love it for that! It’s also used in the credits of the first movie which makes me love it more; I don’t know, it’s performed and sung really well and makes me really happy. The top ten all spark MASSING amounts of joy.

9. “It’s All Love (History of Funk)” is one of the best songs in the sequel! I love the way the funk trolls go through the history of funk and music, and the beats are amazing and the lyrics are so good and the movie’s scene is SO GOOD. I can’t articulate how much I love that the funk trolls show their history through album covers instead of scrapbooks like the pop trolls. All the vocalists are crazy talented and something about the beat just...yes. It’s just a yes.

8. “Yodel Beat”! It scores surprisingly high if you haven’t seen Trolls: World Tour but if you HAVE seen it, you’ll understand why! It’s one of the best songs for musically punctuating a moment that the entire franchise has and I still get goosebumps thinking about how that scene was executed and how this song played such a massive role in it. Big fan, big fan!

7. "I'm Coming Out" / "Mo' Money Mo' Problems" is just hilarious! I love this scene in Trolls, as it’s the first example we have that Trolls and Bergins can work together, as well as the fact that Bergins can be happy without eating trolls, since Bridget is so confident and awesome! I also give lots of points to mashups and medleys and this was an unexpected one that just worked!

6. "Just Sing (Trolls World Tour)" is the best song in the sequel, hands down! When all the leaders of the different troll counties sing together? It’s amazing, every single time! It’s so meaningful, the fact that music is the most important thing in all of their lives and how it’s what ultimately unites them. I shed a tear every time, honestly. I’m tearing up thinking about it right now.

5. "Hello"  in Trolls is performed EXPERTLY by Zooey Deschanel. Did anyone know she was that funny? Because holy carp! She’s hilarious! I love this song and scene, it was one of the first scenes in Trolls that made me realize this movie was on a whole other level! It had to be top five!

4. "Get Back Up Again" by Anna Kendrick aka Poppy has to be a high scorer! It’s an original for the movie and it’s so damn good! It’s optimistic and encouraging and I love it for the movie and the character but I also love to listen to it when I need some help getting up or feeling like it’s going to be a good day. I will get back up again! It’s a great philosophy and a fantastic reminder that life can knock you down but that you’ll be good!

3. Top three times! The best medley in the movie has to be here, and that’s "Move Your Feet" / "D.A.N.C.E." / "It's a Sunshine Day"! It’s our introduction to the Pop trolls in the first movie and it’s crafted so good! I love it! No matter how many times I listen to it, it makes me so so happy the way the songs flow together. Any world where these songs exist and fit together as well as they do is a world I want to be sucked into for at least the next two hours of my life.

2. THE FILM VERSION OF “TRUE COLORS”! Is my number two pick! It has to be! It’s so impactful and emotional and romantic and if I ever get somebody to want to marry me, an instrumental cover of this has to be our first dance song, I’m sorry. It’s so beautiful! And the film version somehow makes an amazing song even better! WHEN THE TROLLS HUG TIME WATCHES CHIME OFF IN THE TUNE OF THE SONG?! AS THEY FACE THEIR IMPENDING DOOM?! IT’S AMAZING, SHOWSTOPPING, LEGENDARY, ICONIC. I’m getting sweaty just thinking about it!

1. If you know me, you knew “Can’t Stop the Feeling”, the film version, was gonna be number one! The buildup to that moment in the movie is cinematic perfection, the performance is dazzling, and the feeling it leaves in you is unforgettable. It’s the song that’s played when the trolls teach the Bergins that you don’t need to eat other sentient species to be happy, you just need to find the magic and music inside of you, and it’s a lesson I learned while watching -- this movie and this song unlocked a power inside of me to smile and be happy with just myself and it’s absolutely... it’s just everything. It’s everything and I love it and I love you, whoever you are, who sent me this ask, because getting to think about and go through all the songs in Trolls that I love, it was awesome.

honesty hour!

[only-mostlydead]

Thanks for the tag, @chaoscatty! I'm doing this as top 5 things in each category that brought me joy this year. Sticking this under a cut because I’m wordy.

Anyone who wants to do this, consider this your tag! Please share your joy!

Movies and TV: (I don’t watch a lot of movies, so I’m combining these) 1. Klaus The preview on Netflix does it absolutely no justice. This is a beautiful Christmas story but also a very human story. Prepare for tears. 2. Coco I am very bad at watching movies when they come out, so I didn’t see this until this past Halloween. Holy shit. Just beautiful. I cried so much I had to take off the sheet mask I was wearing. 3. Bob’s Burgers This show is just laughter and fun and easy watching. I will comfort watch this forever. The Belchers are always there for you.  4.. Somebody Feed Phil This show. I literally save episodes for when I’m having a bad day, and it never fails to cheer me up. Lovers of food, travel, and good vibes, this one’s for you. 5. Crazy Ex-Girlfriend This is my favorite show of all time, and I did my first full rewatch this year. It’s still my favorite portrayal of mental illness and character development. Also musical numbers. Someday there will be a stage version, and I will play Rebecca. 6. Never Have I Ever Female-driven, diverse cast, very funny, and a queer storyline to boot? Yes.  6. I Am Not Okay With This Sophia Lillis is just incredible, and I am eternally a sucker for stories about queer ladies, especially those who can blow things up with their mind. I’d like that power, thank you. 9. Schitt’s Creek Hilarious. Hands down the funniest show I’ve ever seen, set in a world where homophobia doesn’t exist? More of this please. I haven’t seen the last season yet because I am a doofus. 10. The Staircase Every winter, I go on a true crime kick. This show was wild. Honorable mention to The Keepers for the same reason.

Books: One of the rare silver linings of this year was the amount of time I had for reading. I read 47 books this year, so narrowing this down was not easy. If anyone needs recommendations, fiction or non, hit me up! 1. Homegoing - Yaa Gyasi Just a gorgeously told story. One of my favorite books I have ever read. 2. And Then There Were None - Agatha Christie I love me a good mystery, and there’s a reason she’s considered the queen. 3. So You Want to Talk About Race - Ijeoma Oluo Required reading, fellow white people.   4. The Fuck It Diet - Caroline Dooner I’ve been intentionally working towards food and body neutrality for about a year now. This book was life changing. HIGHLY recommend to anyone sick of fighting the diet culture fight. There is so much freedom on the other side. 5. I Want to be Where the Normal People Are - Rachel Bloom I read this all in one sitting. I laughed, I cried, I felt very seen as someone who grew up a weird musical theatre kid.

Music: 1. Atlas: Enneagram - Sleeping at Last This whole album is beautiful, but specifically the song “Eight” really struck me, because I’m Type 8 (and so is my Five) 2. Joy Oladokun I discovered her song “Look Up” on an acoustics playlist and got hooked on her music.  3. Beetlejuice the Musical I saw this show during it’s Broadway tryout in DC and rediscovered the OCR this year. It’s SO much fun, and now I want to play Beetlejuice. 4. The Game of Thrones and The Walking Dead scores Excellent background music, excellent ZR soundtrack. I think I was in the top 1% of fans for both Ramin Djawadi and Bear McCreary this year. 5. “Rain on Me” - Lady Gaga “I’d rather be dry, but at least I’m alive” is the most 2020 lyric. This song is joy and optimism and fighting spirit, and I listened to it 1000 times.

Good Things: 1. On National Coming Out Day, I finally came out as bisexual to some Close Friends on Instagram. I’d already told a few people, but this was my first “public” coming out. It was very freeing. 2. I had my second surgery for endometriosis, this time with a doctor who gives a damn about aftercare and lets me guide my own treatment plan (it’s a whole thing, maybe I’ll tell the story someday).  3. Zombies, Run! This app did some damn much for me. It got me out of the house during quarantine, it helped me discover my love of hiking and nature, it got me writing for the first time in years, it showed me this beautiful little community...I just love it so much. 4. I found a yoga studio that I just adore who pivoted beautifully to online and outdoor classes during the pandemic.  5. After losing the job I hated, I got more involved at the distillery where I worked part-time and am now an assistant manager. BONUS 6. I found a therapist who is wonderful and have been able to keep seeing her virtually every week. ALSO BONUS 7. Animal Crossing. 

[imdoingthismspaintadventure]

2.08 part 1

“Call off your dogs!” Brian shouted.

The largest of the dogs, an ugly Rottweiler or a mutt with strong Rottweiler blood, seized my wrist in its jaws.  My knees almost buckled in response to the pain, which only worsened when it abruptly snapped its head to one side and wrenched my arm.  I fell, and in a heartbeat, the other two dogs – a German Shepherd and a hairless terrier with a missing ear and eye – were on me.

Ah yes, we return to where we left off, Taylor about to get her face biten off.

Aw that arm-wrench sounds painful. At least they are not in monster form, so that’s.... something

The German Shepherd set to barking and snapping at my face, occasionally catching the hair that hung in front of my face to pull at it.  The other started raking at me with its claws and nipping with its teeth, trying to find somewhere on my legs, body or backside that it could set its teeth into.

God, dog attacks are terrifying. What kind of suprise-attack-as-a-hello bullshit is this??

While those two were at it, the Rottweiler still had my wrist in its teeth, and it began pulling, as though it wanted to drag me somewhere. I grit my teeth at the pain and tried to think something I could do that would amount to more than curling up into a fetal position to protect my arms, legs and face.

I think that just about covers your options right now.

“Call off the fucking dogs!” I heard Brian bellow, again.

A tooth or claw scratched my ear.  I think that’s what spooked me, because my composure broke and I cried out.

I don’t think she’s gonna listen.

And Taylor’s losing her composure. I don’t blame her, cause jesus fuck what is this.

Just a second or two later, a much longer span of time than it sounds like when a pack of dogs is tearing at you, there was a whistle.   Hearing the noise, the dogs abruptly backed off.  The one eyed terrier offered one hostile bark followed by a long growl even as it walked away, as if it still had enough mean left in it that it had to let it out somehow.

What the fuck, Bitch?? Is this your way of saying hello to a possible new teammate?

“ it still had enough mean left in it that it had to let it out “ is a phrase I really like.

Lisa and Alec helped me to my feet.  I was shaking like a leaf.  One of my hands gripped the forearm of my other arm, as much to stop the worst of the trembling as to cradle the injury.  I had tears in the corners of my eyes and I was clenching my teeth so hard my jaw ached.

I wonder if this is all from the shock of the attack, or if she’s having additional trauma because of the bullying.

I guess that’s what hanging out with teen villains gets you. Seems only Rachel is like this, though.

On the opposite side of the room, Brian was rubbing the back of one of his hands.  The three dogs were sitting in a neat line ten feet away from a girl who was lying on the ground. The girl had blood running from both of her nostrils.  I recognized her from the picture I had seen on her wiki page.  Rachel Lindt.  Hellhound.  Bitch.

“I fucking hate it,” Brian growled at the girl, putting emphasis on the swear, “When you make me do that.”

Oh wow, Brian actually had to punch her to get her to stop. When they said anti-social they weren’t kidding.

Bitch propped herself up a bit, half against the wall opposite me, so she had a better view of the room.  A better view of me.  Seeing her in person just confirmed my impressions of her from her picture online.   She wasn’t attractive.  An unkind person might call her butch, and I wasn’t feeling particularly kindly towards her.  Most of her features looked like they would have been better fit on a guy rather than a girl.  She had a square face, thick eyebrows, and a nose that had been broken more than once – maybe broken again just a moment ago, given the blood trickling from her nostrils.  Even as far as her physical build went, she was solidly built without being fat.  The trunk of her body alone was bigger around than mine was with my arms down at my sides, just by virtue of having a thicker, broader torso and having more meat on her bones.  She was wearing boots, black jeans with tears all over them, and a green army jacket over a gray hooded sweatshirt.  Her auburn hair was cut shortish.

I do like her design a lot, even if she is being a problem right now. Seems like she gets into conflicts pretty easily.

She’s still eyeing Taylor, maybe Rachel feels she’s a threat, or just dislikes her because she is new/ looks weak/ is a human?

I took a deep breath.  Then, speaking slowly so I wouldn’t stumble over my words or let a tremor into my voice, I asked “Why the fuck did you do that?”

Oh shit Taylor is pissed.

She didn’t reply.  Instead, she licked her upper lip clean of blood and smiled.  It was a mean, smug sneer of a smile.  Even though she was the one lying on the ground with a bloody nose, she somehow had it in her head that she’d beat me.  Or something.

Oh no this is going to remind her of the bullies isn’t it.

Even though I think Rachel isn’t as twisted and is just doing it in a sort of “law of the strongest/ establishing dominance” thing. It’s fitting that the owner of the dogs with the monster dog powers thinks a bit dog-like, right? I like when the powers reflect some aspect of the individual’s personality.

I have no idea what Taylor’s might represent though. The strength of the weak? Strength in numbers? On a sadder note, maybe she thinks of herself as the lowest of the low, as something people are disgusted by, due to the trauma? I dunno.

“God fucking dammit!” Brian was shouting.  He went on to say something else, but I didn’t really hear it over the buzzing of my power in my ears.  I realized I was clenching my fist, and habitually forced myself to relax it.

Then, like I had done so many times over the past few days and weeks, I searched for a reason to justify why I was backing down.  It was almost reflexive.  When the bullies got on my case, I always had to take a moment to collect myself and tell myself why I couldn’t or shouldn’t retaliate.

Oh shit Taylor is in “about-to-do-a-Carrie” mode again.

The fact that they are emphasizing how she has always held back makes me think this is gonna be the exception.

For a few moments, I felt adrift.  Around the same time that I realized I couldn’t find a reason to back off, I realized I had already wrenched free of Lisa and Alec’s support and crossed half of the room at a run.  I reached for my bugs and realized I’d been using my power without thinking about it.  They were already gathering at the stairs and by the windows.  All it took was a thought, and they started flowing into the room in greater numbers.  Cockroaches, earwigs, spiders and flies.  Not as many as I might have liked, I hadn’t been using my power for long enough to gather those from further around the neighborhood, but it was enough to count.

Oh fuck she’s going in hot. Calling the swarm to her as she runs.

Bitch saw me approaching and raised her fingers to her mouth, but I didn’t give her a chance to signal her animals.  I kicked for her face like I might kick a soccer ball, and she aborted the whistle to cover her head with her arms.  My foot bounced off of one of her arms and her entire body recoiled as she flinched.

HOLY FUCK SHE JUST TRIED TO PUNT HER HEAD

Taylor is raw

Because I hadn’t slowed down before reaching her, I had to use my hands to stop myself from running into the wall.  A line of red hot pain ran down my arm at the impact, starting at the point where the Rottweiler had bitten my wrist.  Reminded of the dogs, I glanced to my right, and saw the largest of them standing, ready to come to his master’s aid.  I brought a large share of my bugs in between myself and the beasts.  The last I saw of them before the swarm blocked most of my view, the dogs were rapidly backing away from the swarm, startled.

Oh the dogs don’t like the swarm!

I think this isn’t going as Rachel expected

Finding myself standing over Bitch, braced against the wall, I pressed the attack.  Her arms were covering her face and chest, but I saw her exposed ear as a target and brought my foot down on it.  Her head bounced against the floor, and blood bloomed from the top of her ear. The sight of the blood almost stopped me, but I knew that backing down now would give her a chance to set them on me again with a whistle.  My toe found her exposed stomach, and as she drew her knees upward to protect her belly, I aimed a sharp kick between her legs.  I managed to get kicks to connect firmly with ribs three times before she brought an elbow down to protect it.

Holy shit Talor you just went apeshit on her.

Taylor is fucking fearsome when she’s mad

She’s just kicking the shit out of Rachel! I was not fucking prepared for this level of no holds barred scorched earth level response!

[gh0stbird]

Okay Now Do The Rest

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

Bright but argumentative. I was never afraid of pointing out things I didn’t feel were fair hfhddh

When we were learning numbers kids would often write 91 for nineteen, just flip them, y’know, and Ms. Potter yelled at the class for it. Baby Generiq went into it about how it was an understandable mix up because you do say the number first. In twenty-three you write the two first, so in nineteen it’s easy to assume you would write the nine first.

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

Tired.

8. movies or tv shows?

TV shows. Every book adaptation should also be a series not a movie. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

9. favorite smell in the summer?

Honeysuckle and sunshine

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

Floor hockey! My friend and I used to be brutal and swing at each other’s shins going after the ball. Also it was reminiscent of golf, which I competed in.

12. name of your favorite playlist?

I have an untitled playlist I cycle my current music in and out of, but Newton’s Third Law is my favorite named one!

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

I don’t- I guess the yellow smarties. Don’t come for me they taste like lemonade.

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

I assume this means assigned book and not the reports we got to pick for ourselves. Ah, Night was good. Lord of the Flies was fine but way overhyped. Again, don’t come for me.

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

If I can tuck my legs into the chair I am sitting in that is ideal!

18. ideal weather?

When you know it is going to rain and you get to stay home

19. sleeping position? (Skipped on accident)

I reeeally like pressure, so either against something or on my stomach.

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

Phone notes and a notebook! Sometimes a blank document but I always find it strangely intimidating

21. obsession from childhood?

Warrior Cats, Percy Jackson, and Maximum Ride were my big three!

22. role model?

Aa I try to straw from people I want to copy, but there are talents I look up to. Rachel Chavkin is a brilliant director, and there are so many artists and authors I look up to and who inspire me.

24. favorite crystal?

Obsidian because it’s black like my hea- I’m kidding, I do love obsidian, but it’s Rose Quartz because it’s a very very pretty, soft pink and makes me happy.

25. first song you remember hearing?

The mobile above my crib played Imagine by John Lennon. My childhood room was themed after it as well!

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

Swim or sit in the sunshine. Ben and I usually go driving with the top down as well.

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

Walking through fresh snow is amazing, so are snowball fights and building snowmen.

28. five songs to describe you?

Oh fuck yes

Hurricane - Hamilton

The Reckless and the Brave - All Time Low

Almost There - The Princess and the Frog

All This and Heaven Too - Florence + the Machine

Facade - Jekyll and Hyde: A Gothic Musical Thriller

30. places that you find sacred?

I don’t typically find places sacred, but certain headspaces are very special to me, and time spent with loved ones means more than enough to be considered sacred.

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

A black blazer with a white button-down and a skirt.

32. top five favorite vines?

I am in Missouri (misery)

I love you, Bitch

I want a Church girl

Obama’s “I know because I won both of them”

I won’t hesitate, Bitch!

33. most used phrase in your phone?

“No worries”

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

That fucking PFI bandana boot sale I stg

35. average time you fall asleep?

Somewhere between 9:00 and three in the morning

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

Some girl doing bunny ears on her friend. I don’t remember what the caption was

38. lemonade or tea?

Both. Mixed together. It’s called an Arnold Palmer and it is my favorite drink

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

Lemon cake!

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

We duck taped out principal to the wall once. Also some kid broke their tray over another kid’s head at lunch one time.

41. last person you texted?

The family group chat, though Beau if Discord counts

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

I wear a lot of leggings so jacket pockets!

44. favorite scent for soap?

We had some Lily of the Valley hand soap that was amazing

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

Fantasy, I think! I’ve never done super heavy into the other two. Though I definitely don’t want to ignore sci-fi because two of my favorite stories are a little science-fiction-y

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

A t-shirt and shorts

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

A banana. Generally accepted as a fruit and kind of just rolls with it, but is actually a berry

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

I fucking hate Hamilton-ing on main, but

“And when my prayers to god were met with indifference, I picked up a pen, I wrote my own deliverance!”

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

That changes every time Beau and I play HetaOni together, but I have fucking lost it for at least five minutes the last two sessions.

51. current stresses?

I dunno, man, life? My hair could use a wash

52. favorite font?

Covered by your Grace and I’m a big Spectral baby. These are both google docs! I don’t know if that makes a difference.

54. what did you learn from your first job?

Patience is important when teaching material, but never be afraid to find another approach better suited to the person you’re tutoring.

55. favorite fairy tale?

Robin Hood!

56. favorite tradition?

My family does homemade Springfield cashew chicken for Christmas!

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

Uhh lots of self-acceptance shit no one really wants to read

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

I can pop the joint at the center of my foot

That’s all

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

I sort of like my role as mom friend, so maybe I could keep that role in a sort of action-based anime that followed a group of friends

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

“I am not the protégé to waste your time on; I'm complete!” Jekyll and Hyde: GMT

62. seven characters you relate to?

Haha

Lisa Carew - Jekyll and Hyde: GMT

Japan - Hetalia/Oni

Garnett - Steven Universe

Hfhddh that’s all I can say that aren’t my own characters

63. five songs that would play in your club?

I Don’t Like Clubs, but

Overwhelmed - Royal + The Serpent

Backseat Serenade - All Time Low

Go Big or Go Home - American Authors

The Nights - Avicii

Tempo - Lizzo

64. favorite website from your childhood?

Webkinz!

65. any permanent scars?

Yep - One from a bad bike wreck. My body rejected the dissolvable stitches so it’s a lot bigger than it was supposed to be

66. favorite flower(s)?

Lily of the Valley, daisies, Day Lilies, and Dandelions! I also love honeysuckles but I don’t know if those count.

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

Accidentally drank rancid milk once!

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned? (Haha, nice)

The fastest, free way to fill up your potions on Wizard101 is to play Potion Motion to level three.

70. left or right handed?

Right handed

71. least favorite pattern?

On myself, animal print

72. worst subject?

I’ve never been intuitively good at History, I do think it’s interesting though.

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

I don’t like to take it until I can’t move without it.

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

Kindergarten? I had mono and then scarlet fever twice, so my baby teeth were pretty much ruined and they all fell out very fast.

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

Curly fries!

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

Kalanchoe’s, it literally Window’s Thrill. These babies are fairly temperamental outside and love partial sun, so the window is the perfect spot for them. And! If you keep them happy! They’ll bloom! My personal favorite is the pink bloom.

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

What’s wrong with coffee from a gas station? Also I don’t like seafood.

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

Earth tones!

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

Lightning bugs

82. pc or console?

PC!

84. podcasts or talk radio?

Podcasts - talk radios actually tend to get under my skin for n o reason

84. barbie or polly pocket?

Barbie, but let it be known I was brutal with mine. We did human sacrifices and the like.

85. fairy tales or mythology?

Mythology!

86. cookies or cupcakes?

Cookies, but I’m a slut for whipped frosting

87. your greatest fear?

Losing control!

88. your greatest wish?

A life beyond where I am now. Haha Stop chasing new down the hallway you’re so sexy haha

90. luckiest mistake?

Logged into Omegle in like 2015 and some rando asked me to join their Doctor Who roleplay. Luckiest moment of my gd life.

91. boxes or bags?

Bags! They’re easier to store

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

Sunlight! But in the late afternoon when everything is bathed in orange.

93. nicknames?

Mom is the most prevalent!

94. favorite season?

Fall into winter. Peak leaf crunch!

95. favorite app on your phone?

Discord or Notes

[thenerdycarat]

3. Do Your Part

(Ruthie’s POV)

In the weightless feeling of sleep, I dreamed. I seemed to be around twelve or thirteen and was sitting at a table with an open book, some paper was in front of me, and I was using a pen to write something down. I wasn't just writing. I was copying something.

Hear my soul speak: The very instant that I saw you, I wrote. Did my heart fly to your service.

I looked over to what I had written, then smiled.

"Ruthie," a voice in a singsong tone startled me. It was a blonde girl with freckles that I had never seen before. She looked to be around eleven or twelve. "Are you writing another love note?"

"It's none of your business," I replied as I slammed the book closed.

"I know you've been writing notes to Newt," she smirked. "Love notes."

"Why do you even care?"

"Because I came to tell you that he's been doing the same thing as you have been doing: copying a Shakespeare quote and putting them in a love note. He knows you love Shakespeare, Ruthie, and he's memorizing them for you."

"Stop teasing me," I snapped.

"I'm not making this up," she said as she crossed her heart with her index finger. "Go quote Shakespeare to him and see what he does."

"Fine," I said as threw my hands up in the air. "Some pistol you are."

She just giggled as I walked out of the room I was in.

-

"Ruthie, wake up," a voice echoed.

I opened my eyes to find that I was still in the cozy little bedroom Rachel put me in. Sitting in a chair next to my bed was Lovey. She had her wooden medicine box with her, but also some paper and a pencil.

"Good sleep?" she asked.

"I guess," I answered as I rubbed my eyes. "I mean, I feel rested."

"That's all I needed to hear," she smiled as she opened her box. "How are you feeling overall?"

"I'm fine," I replied as I sat up.

"How's the little one?"

"I think he or she is alright, I guess." Both of hands gently smoothed over my swollen belly.

"Sorry," she chuckled. "Rachel asked me to ask questions when I came up to check on you."

"I'm guessing I'm the first chick carrying a babe inside of her to enter the Glade."

"You guessed right," she said as she took out her wound-cleansing items. "Let me see your left arm."

I obeyed.

She took the old gauze off of my arm, used a cloth with a wet substance to clean my cut then wrapped it with fresh gauze.

"Good as new," she smiled.

"May I ask you something?" I asked, and she nodded. "Why do you have paper and a pencil? I mean you came up to check on me, right?"

"Yes, I did, but I came up here while you were still sleeping, so I decided to do some writing. I didn’t want to wake you."

"What do you write?"

"Poetry," she whispered.

"How beautiful!" I responded.

"Although Beth thinks it's a waste of time, I still think it's a way of expressing your feelings and sharing a thought or multiple thoughts."

"I bet you're really good," I encouraged her. "You should read one to me sometime."

"I will," she promised. "I'll go tell Rachel you're awake."

"Okay."

She gathered her box and paper then strolled out of the room.

I pulled the bed sheets off of myself, got up slowly, made the bed, and waddled over to the window. Outside, a few of the other girls were practicing what looked likes to be self-defense with spears. Some were gardening, and others seemed to be talking to each other.

"Hi, Ruthie," Rachel's voice came from the doorway.

"Hi, Rachel," I replied as I turned around to face her.

"Rested?"

"Much."

"Good. Usually, those who first arrive don't really take a rest before being told where they are," she explained, "but you looked like you hadn't slept in days. I thought you were going pass out or something at any second."

"I'm glad I didn't," I chuckled. "How long was I asleep?"

"About two hours. Anyway, we have a lot of things to discuss with you." She led me out of the door, down the stairs, and out of the cabin.

"So everyone here has no memory of anything but their names?" I asked after Rachel, Lovey, and a few of the other girls finished explaining the Glade.

“Correct.”

"The Runners," Lovey spoke, "go out into the Maze to try to find a way out. No one wants to be in the Maze. To us, it's like we were put here for a reason, and we have to find that reason by trying to survive out here and make things worthwhile."

"As long as everyone does their part," said Rachel, "we can make things livable until the Runners have figured things out."

"So what will I do?" I asked.

"We've been in need of a new caretaker," the girl they called Beth mentioned. "Our last one was also a Runner, but she was killed by a Griever. Also, we've been needing a cook. A good one."

"Oh."

"Can we count on you, Ruthie?" Rachel asked with a smile.

"Yes," I nodded as they started to cheer. "But I need one of you to show me what to do, first."

"I'll show you," Lovey offered as she stood up and reached her hand out for me to take it.

"Thanks," I smiled. She led me to a little garden area with flowers blooming, vegetables sprouting, and vines strung around the nearby trees.

"This is our garden," said Lovey. "We've been taking care of it since our last one died. I'd give you the job in the blink of an eye, but since you have your condition I think you should stick to the cooking. You'll have to talk to Rachel about that."

"Okay," I replied. "I just want to do my part until we get out of here."

"That's the spirit."

[hexalt]

oh my god i think i like you

- you're pretty & smart & ignoring me so obviously you're my type. - i won't forget, i won't regret this beautiful, heart stopping, breathtaking, life-changing... - hey. you're the love of my life. you know that, right?

a rebecca bunch x greg serrano mega mix from season 1 to season 4, so there's A LOT OF MOODS. prepare to laugh, cry, and dance. cover completely inspired by cordeliafoxxy's mix fanmix challenge - ix. fictional relationships (groups, family, friendship, otp, etc.)

[ spotify | 8tracks (incomplete) ]

falling for the first time - barenaked ladies I'm so cool, too bad I'm a loser / I'm so smart, too bad I can't get anything figured out / I'm so sane, it's drivin' me crazy / It's so strange, I can't believe it feels just like I'm falling for the first time

i’m not gonna teach your boyfriend how to dance - black kids I'm not gonna teach him how to dance / The second I do, I know we're gonna be through / I'm not gonna teach him how to dance with you / He don't suspect a thing / I wish he'd get a clue / I'm not gonna teach him how to dance to with you

bartender - regina spektor Come on, bartender / You have got to kick me back out / Into the cold and nasty weather / And maybe if I sober up / I will stop / Pretending that love is forever / Come on, bartender / Love will be the death of me / Love is so fickle / It starts with a flood and it ends with a trickle

closing time - semisonic Closing time / One last call for alcohol so finish your whiskey or beer / Closing time / You don't have to go home but you can't stay here / I know who I want to take me home

settle for me - santino fontana Yes, Josh is a dream, but I’m right here / In flesh and blood and self-hate / Settle for me / In a sad way, darling, it’s fate

settle for me (reprise) - rachel bloom Why not just settle for him? / He's a nice, smart guy / And he and I / Do get along... / Well, kind of.

i really want you to hate me - meg myers I really want you to hate me / I really want you to find / That I am bitter and angry / That I'm the ugliest girl / And I will never be a bride / There's no love for the wicked / There's no love and / I wanna die

self esteem - the offspring I wrote her off for the tenth time today / And practiced all the things I would say / But she came over / I lost my nerve / I took her back and made her dessert / Now I know I'm being used / That's okay because I like the abuse / I know she's playing with me / That's okay 'cause I've got no self-esteem

feels like we only go backwards - tame impala I've got my hopes up again, oh no, not again / It feels like we only go backwards, darlin' / The seed of all this indecision isn't me / 'Cause I decided long ago / But that's the way it seems to go / When trying so hard to get to something real

shadowboxer - fiona apple I was on to every play / I just wanted you / But oh, it's so evil, my love, the way you've no / Reverence to my concern / So I'll be sure to stay wary of you, love / To save the pain of once my flame and twice my burn

happier - a fine frenzy Quick kid quick, so harsh and cynical / It's not the words that make it final / You've said such things before to rival them / But it's how you say 'em now that's changed / Cold but sympathetic all the same / Lie to convince me that I'll be better off / Oh, you go on and I'll be happier

tired - adele I'm tired of trying / Your teasing ain't enough / Fed up of biding your time / When I don't get nothing back / I get closer, you obviously prefer him

it’s you - zayn She got / Her own reasons / For talking to me / And she don't, she don't, she don't / Give a fuck about what I need / And I can't tell you why / Because my brain can't equate it / Tell me your lies / Because I just can't face it

the writing’s on the wall - ok go It seems like forever / Since we had a good day / The writing's on the wall / But I just want to get you high tonight / I just want to see some pleasure in your eyes / And I go too high, and you go too cold then we both fall apart / Then you bring your mind, to rest against mine / But the mind has no say on affairs of the heart

tear you apart - she wants revenge Either way he wanted her and this was bad / He wanted to do things to her it was making him crazy / Now a little crush turned into a like / And now he wants to grab her by the hair and tell her, / "I want to hold you close / Soft breasts, beating heart / As I whisper in your ear / I want to fucking tear you apart"

i gave you a uti - santino fontana One night with me is pure ecstasy / 'Cause I know just what you like / But you should know for a week or so / You won't be able to ride a bike / I gave you a UTI

oh my god i think i like you - rachel bloom I say, "No no no! This is just about sex!" / And "No no no! Don't be such a girl, Becks!" / But then I feel the oxytocin creeping back to my brain / And all I can do is sing it again / Oh my god, I think I like you

everything is embarrassing - sky ferreira Maybe if you let me be your lover / Maybe if you tried, then I would not bother / I've been hating everything, everything that could have been / Could have been my anything, now everything's embarrassing

like a friend - pulp I had one, two, three / Four shots of happiness, I look like a big man / But I've only got a little soul / I wish I could be an example / Wish I could say I stood up for you / And fought for what was right / But I never did / I did what was wrong though I knew what was right / I've got no wisdom that I want to pass on

slow disco - st. vincent There's blood in my ears / And a fool in the mirror / And the pain of mistakes couldn't get any clearer / Am I thinking what everybody's thinkin'? / I'm so glad I came, but I can't wait to leave / Slip my hand from your hand / Leave you dancin' with a ghost

about a girl - the academy is... Last night I knew what to say / But you weren't there to hear it / These lines so well rehearsed / Tongue-tied and overloaded / You never noticed / I'm not in love / This is not my heart / I'm not gonna waste these words / About a girl

twice - little dragon Twice I turn my back on you / I fell flat on my face but didn't lose / Tell me what led you on, I'd love to know / Was it both men / Thought I had an answer once / But your random ways swept me along

knife - grizzly bear I want you to know / When I look in your eyes / With every blow / Comes another lie / You think it's alright / Can't you feel the knife?

still - foo fighters Bring some change up to the bridge / Bring some alcohol / There we'll make a final wish / Just before the fall / Promise I will be forever yours / Promise not to say another word

false alarm - the head and the heart Visions of you dance through my head / Dark heroine of the books I have read / Pages torn out, I made up my own world / Deep in the dream, it's all built to last / You'll pull the plug, drain me down fast / So many stones, stuck in my shoes / And I know if there's enough / It could make up a road / That could lead me far from this town

georgia - vance joy She is something to behold / Elegant and bold / She is electricity / Running to my soul / And I could easily lose my mind / The way you kiss me will work each time / Calling me to come back to bed / Singing Georgia on my mind

anyone who knows what love is (will understand) - irma thomas You can blame me / Try to shame me / And still I'll care for you / You can run around / Even put me down / Still I'll be there for you / The world / May think I'm foolish / They can't see you / Like I can / Oh but anyone / Who knows what love is / Will understand

i wanna get better - bleachers I didn’t know I was lonely 'til I saw your face / I wanna get better / I didn't know I was broken 'til i wanted to change / I wanna get better

it was a shit show - santino fontana We can't undo, can't make amends / Dysfunction is our lingua franca / When you say that I should stay / That's exactly when I should split / Though I won't forget, I won't regret / This beautiful, heart stopping / Breathtaking, life-changing...!

vertigo - anya marina The song you sing is sentimental / The song you sing is making me well / I like it, like it, outta control / The song you sing gives me vertigo / I was singing to myself / Pretending you were there

santa monica dream - angus & julia stone I'm singing songs about the future / Wondering where you are / I could call you on the telephone / But do I really want to know? / You're making love now to the lady down the road / No I don't, I don't want to know / I'm somewhere, you're somewhere / I'm nowhere, you're nowhere / You're somewhere, you're somewhere / I could go there but I don't

weary blues - madeleine peyroux Lord knows it died the day you left / My dream world fell apart / Weary blues from waitin' / Lord, I've been waitin' so long / These blues have got me cryin' / Oh, sweet daddy please come home

love is a losing game - amy winehouse Love is losing game / One I wished, I never played / Oh, what a mess we made / And now the final frame

hello, nice to meet you - rachel bloom & skyler astin Pleased to make your acquaintance, stranger / I've spent many years processing my anger / Wouldn't know what to say to the person I knew / But it's nice to meet you

enchanted - taylor swift All I can say is I was enchanted to meet you / This night is sparkling, don’t you let it go / I’m wonderstruck, blushing all the way home

505 - arctic monkeys I'm going back to 505 / If it's a seven hour flight or a forty-five minute drive / In my imagination you're waiting, lying on your side / With your hands between your thighs / But I crumble completely when you cry / It seems like once again you've had to greet me with goodbye

forget forgive - someone Bad thoughts pushing at the neck / Puts pressure on the chest / Calm sorrow / Forget / Forgive

warning sign - coldplay I’ve gotta tell you what a state I’m in / I’ve gotta tell you in my loudest tones / That I started looking for a warning sign / When the truth is, I miss you

fine with me - rizzle kicks Spit out the bitter when life isn't sweet, yeah / That's fine with me, fine with me / Just for today, if nothing goes my way, well / That's fine with me, fine with me / 'Cause I'm in the place / Where nothing could happen / To the smile on my face

warm body - cafune Give me all your heartaches and I'll push them down the drain / There's no need for voices that aren't singing this refrain / Say all you want, just stay / You just need a warm body / I'll be your install, I just need your warm body / Everybody knows, they just need to talk about it / Stay this way, hit replay

stop desire - tegan and sara I can't deny I'm begging for attention / Dropping hints, hoping for some tension / Getting tired of making all this racket / Waiting on you to get your ass in gear / I didn't wanna be so invested / I played it cool and then I overdressed it / Get me, feel me, want me / Like me, love me, need me

she’s so high - tal bachman First class and fancy-free, she's high society / She's got the best of everything / What could a guy like me ever really offer? / She's perfect as she can be, why should I even bother? / 'Cause, she's so high, high above me / She's so lovely

i really like you - carly rae jepsen I need to tell you something / I really, really, really, really, really, really like you / And I want you, do you want me, do you want me too?

sweet - little dragon Sweet, that feeling when you know you're hooked and you can't get enough / Sweet, that feeling when you're skating down the avenue of love / Sweet, I was checking on your phone because this sweetness is drugs / Sweet, can't get enough, not giving up

i hate everything but you - skyler astin I hate the phrase "Love conquers all," and I hate that it's true / 'Cause I want to not hate things when I'm with you / You love so many things and you have so much fun / It makes me wish my hating days were done

love natural - crystal fighters It's almost midnight, the time is coming up / The time is getting closer, the time is almost here / Life is upon us and the time for love is here and now / When I look at you, oh I feel my heart / Oh, I feel your love deep inside

do it again - santino fontana My lips just ache to have you take the kiss that's waiting for you / You know if you do, you won't regret it, come and get it / Do it again, please do it again

the sword & the pen - regina spektor Don't let me out of this kiss / Don't let me say what I say / The things that scare us today / What if they happen someday / Don't let me out of your arms / For now / I don't want to live without you

sea of love - cat power Do you remember / When we met / That's the day / I knew you were my pet / I wanna tell you / How much / I love you

[therkalexander]

Hey Rachel! Are you doing the director's cut thing still? If so, can you the scene with Aidon, Hecate, and Nyx in the garden in RoM? Right before Aidon and Persephone make up? Thank you so very much!

OK! Here we go…

I really wanted to have Hecate have a  moment to shine instead of waltzing on screen to be effusive and mysterious and then disappear the next. I also wanted to introduce Nyx in a big way and hint that there is a lot of prophecy at work and a line of succession and esoteric knowledge that has been passed along since Mother Chaos created the Universe. 

This was her last day as the Maiden. She stood taller, nearly flowered. Hecate could feel the impending shift to the Woman as surely as she had for a hundred aeons. She walked through the garden in her white peplos, her adolescent feet padding over the earth. She sensed the bursts of colorful blossoms at the garden’s edge before she could even see them, felt the warmth of breathing life radiating from the six trees. They had taken a little less than a moon’s cycle to bloom, their flowers vibrant red against the rich green leaves. Their brilliance stood like a beacon against the pallid grays and midnight-darkened evergreen of the Underworld.

Ducking under the branches, she stood in the middle of the small grove. Hecate walked to one of the flowers and peered at its petals, soft and translucent red, glowing as if the sun shone through them. She reached out and touched the waxy leaves, then drew her hand back in surprise. They were warm, as if they were basking in the daylight of the living world above. The red blossom would be unremarkable if it were growing above ground. But this was Chthonia. This sun didn’t shine here. Hecate pulled a single petal from a low hanging flower, examining it in her hand. As she did, the one beside it shook loose and floated to the barren ground below. She rolled the petal in her hand and smelled it, tasted it, closed her eyes and moved the energy of the ether through it, trying to find something, anything, unusual about it. She could find nothing that made these trees any different from those growing in the world above, other than how quickly they grew. Perhaps that was their only miracle.

In case anyone had forgotten that the flowers had started blooming on the trees after Aidon and Persephone really had started communicating with each other, and the following morning when everything had broken down. I wanted to showcase it through her point of view, because she has seen so many visions about them and views them as a prophecy. I also wanted to hint at the creation of Elysion without actually saying “and this was a portent for the Elysian Fields to be created.

Hecate tucked the single petal into the neckline of her peplos, and reached for the one that had fallen to the ground. When she picked it up, she cupped her hand to her mouth in shock and stumbled back, falling hard on her rump. She stood again, feeling her heart beating out of her chest, and dusted off the back of her peplos, staring closely at the place from where she’d picked up the fallen blossom. Hecate’s fingers feathered over a small tuft of light green grass. It grew in the exact shape, in the exact place of the flower that had fallen to the infertile ground. She leaned over, her breath teasing the fragile blades. “It can’t be…”

She stood up again and looked at the trees all around her, breathing shallowly. “It can’t be!”

Hecate turned her eyes upward and called out to the mists above. “Nyx!! Mother Nyx, you must see this!”

She waited.

“Nyx?”

“Your mother was Asteria— daughter of Phiobe, daughter of Gaia— who pledged you as my acolyte, young one,” a lilting voice said behind her. Hecate turned to meet the silver rimmed eyes of her mentor, the Goddess of Night, aged as many centuries as Hecate could count years. Darkness wrapped around the curves of her body like an unbound, thin himation, clinging to her and flowing around her as though she were underwater. Her jet-black hair waved about her weightlessly, and her bare white feet stuck out below the cover of darkness, hovering above the ground. She smiled at Hecate. “And after all these millennia, Hecate, we are more friends now than teacher and student, no?”

Again with the trying to show without telling here. I wanted to allude to a chain that stretched back to the creation of the universe itself, with one woman teaching the next about the dance of creation. I also wanted to give a real sense to just how ancient Nyx really is.

“Yes, my lady,” she smiled.

“What troubles you, young one?” Nyx looked around at the red flowers and answered her own question. “Is it the trees? They are no doubt the work of your student.”

“His hands couldn’t grow this orchard. Not his two alone,” Hecate said, walking over to the tree and brushing her fingers over the leaves.

“Which is why I first hesitated when you told me you had chosen Aidoneus,” she said. “The line of our sacred knowledge has always been passed from goddess to goddess— never to a male.”

So everyone takes the hieros gamos and puts their own spin on it. It’s a rite that speaks to creation, but as it goes forward it’s like a book into which everyone writes their own interpretation. I’m sure that Nyx did it differently than Mother Chaos, and Hecate does things differently than Nyx.

“And that sacred stream had never flowed to an avowed virgin before me. The world has its seasons, and sometimes we have to change with them. True, there is still much for him to learn. But please trust me, as I have asked and you have done before. Your favorite proved herself unworthy, after all,” Hecate replied. “Simple passions ruled her, not the call of wisdom. Her decisions may undo us all one day.”

The her is Demeter in case anyone wasn’t clear on that.

“Sooner than you think, young one. My dear son Thanatos walks the earth above too often. The Fates will cut too many threads from the Cloth of Life before this ends. Perhaps it’s best for all if we send the little queen back…”

“We cannot, Nyx,” Hecate said, returning to where the flower had fallen on the barren ground. “The soil itself tells us why. Look…”

When I wrote the story I wanted to make damn sure to create a situation in which Persephone was in the Underworld but that she wasn’t trapped in the Underworld. Nyx thought of sending her back and could have easily convinced Aidoneus that that was the right things to do. Of course, we see later in this scene that he had the same idea but for different reasons. 

Ok and coming up, I kind of love the idea of Nyx being bound not only to her husband and consort eternally, but that he actually is her very clothing. My inspiration for this was thinking about a woman wound up in yards of black georgette or silk and moving underwater. Nyx isn’t affected by gravity. She is older than gravity.

The Goddess of Night tipped forward as though she were swimming through the air, her hair gently waving behind her. The shroud of darkness followed after, falling away from one breast before it rushed up on its own to cover her once more. Nyx leaned down and looked at the tuft of grass. She listened intently to a silent voice above her and moved her hand along the darkness shrouding her body, caressing it and looking lovingly up to where it swept up and faded away from her form. A slow smile spread across her face. “I knew there was a reason my husband liked her so much.”

Hecate looked at her, perplexed, before it dawned on her. “I knew they first coupled before they reached the lands below, but I hadn’t imagined it could have been while they were—”

“Erebus said he was honored. He told me he bore witness to the Goddess mating with her thrice-chosen Consort in the ancient manner, the way it was done before the Tyrant.” Nyx spat the last word, refusing to say Kronos’s name. She rose, righting herself. “Chaos mated with the Void in kind to create the cosmos. It was the original hieros gamos, before my generation perfected it. The true Sacred Marriage of the gods— not the pantomime your Lampades engage in with the mortals.”

Ok, so I had some fun with this idea. I mean, Erebus is a person and a place, and he became the shadow way before the Titanomachy for reasons I will get into when I write the prologue for that particular book. But I kind of had an inward laugh at how Erebus would have reacted, seeing his prophesied queen and his wife’s adopted heir gettin’ it on in a rapidly descending chariot. Also, Nyx has more than a bit of snark about the spread of the hieros gamos to more than just one person at a time.

“Aidoneus’s eyes saw their union differently,” Hecate said, ignoring her teacher’s slight against her nymph acolytes. “And a mere moon’s cycle learning her thoughts gives me much doubt that Persephone would see it your way either.”

“You know better than most that things are not always what they seem,” Nyx said as she moved back to the trees. “The narcissus I had Gaia plant in the center of Persephone’s sacred grove was what drew her here. When she plucked it, she laid aside her old life and chose us and our ways. She chose him as her mate in that moment, whether she knew or not.”

“The divine purpose of that flower is unlikely to bring peace to either of their hearts.”

“Our ways are not the ways of the world above. Aidoneus has only begun to realize that. And she will see that one day as well.”

“They have not yet performed the Rite. Perhaps then—”

“All in due time. Be patient with them, young one.”

“My lady,” Hecate said, pointing at the small tuft of grass, “if these blades carry the meaning we suspect, and the true purpose of their union comes to pass— will you join your consort, and become the night as he became the shadow?”

Erebus had not always been the encompassing darkness that separated Chthonia from the world above. Before Kronos enslaved the entire House of Nyx and imprisoned them in the Underworld, all the Protogenoi walked the earth in forms made flesh. Erebus was a tall man with silver hair and midnight blue eyes. Every shadow cast in the daylight stretched forth from his raven black wings— the Lord of Shadows was a fitting consort for his wife, the Goddess of Night. After the war, one by one, they had chosen to fade from their tangible forms into their respective domains. Hemera grew more luminous until she was the daylight itself, Gaia took root and melded with the earth, and Erebus faded into the darkness. Slowly, others among the old gods followed in their stead, including Hecate’s beloved mother. Of the Protogenoi, Nyx was the last to retain her original form.

I love the idea of old gods, of generations of gods with the Olympians just being the latest iteration. And I think that the grandparents of the gods decided that maybe millions of years was enough time to oversee everything and decided to become the things they watched over, or the stars in the sky like Asteria did, etc. Also is it clear that I have lots of feelings about Erebus?

The goddess of night smiled as Hecate ruminated on their fate, what would someday be the fate of all the immortals. “Truth be told, Erebus likes holding me this way,” she said, brushing her hand over the wavering shroud of darkness surrounding her. “He says it makes him feel young when he touches me. I’ll keep this form for now. If our ambitions are realized— then we’ll see. I’m allowed to change my mind.”

Hecate sighed. “I thought to sow the seed of our future when we sealed the betrothal of Hades and Persephone at the river so many ages ago,” she said, running her fingers along the sun-warmed leaves. “Now, infinitely more hangs in the balance, and their sapling already twists in a storm.”

“They will find a way to weather it.”

“The aeons have passed us by, and only this and the next remain.”

I would tell you what I mean by this but I can’t. Like I still can’t. This isn’t a Chekov’s gun here. It’s a Chekov’s cannon.

“Patience.”

Hecate and Nyx turned simultaneously to see Aidoneus step out through the palace portico, walking slowly toward the grove. His arms were folded across his chest.

“Do they know?” Nyx asked.

“That these are their creation? Perhaps not. They have both seen how they flourish here. Persephone carried her husband to the grove’s heart when she found her own path through the ether, and both are led here in dreams. Aidoneus knows as well as I that creating them is beyond his wisdom, and Persephone is thwarted when she tries to grow even asphodel in the fields of its namesake, much less leaves soaked in sunlight.”

“How long since they spoke to each other?”

“Three days,” Hecate said, lowering her voice as Aidon approached.

“Have faith in them,” Nyx returned.

Enter Mr. Mopey.

They silently watched Aidoneus walk into the grove, the gravel crunching under his leather sandals. He touched the warm leaves, and then thinned his lips once he realized he was not alone.

“Hecate. Lady Nyx.” He nodded grimly to them in acknowledgement.

Nyx floated toward him. “What troubles you, little one?”

It was his least favorite sobriquet, and one she always managed to use when his frustration was greatest. Aidoneus said nothing; the Goddess of Night was a thousand aeons older than he, and with Erebus, had once ruled both the Underworld and the night sky. He was too tired to challenge her anyway, his body and soul weary from lack of sleep.

“You dislike it,” Nyx said, effortlessly reading him, “but our other name for you, Liberator, seems to fit poorly right now.”

He was the one who freed Nyx and her family from Tartarus, killing Kampe to do so. ‘Liberator’ is the highest title that Nyx has for him, and I got to use the word sobriquet in that paragraph too. Liberator is also a name for another character that has yet to appear and I debated using it an an epithet since it’s more associated with that character, but I think that both applications are appropriate here, especially considering what’s to come in the series.

Aidoneus merely circled the grove, his arms crossed behind his back.

“Ever as taciturn as you were before. Before her, at least. This isn’t about your new queen, is it?”

He clenched his teeth and looked away from her.

Hecate followed closely behind Nyx, who tried again to draw an answer from him. “Aidoneus, you can greet the rest of your subjects behind a mask of solemnity—”

“—but you can see through it, my lady; I know. I don’t wish to talk about it,” he paused, glancing at their expectant faces, and scowled before dryly continuing. “But clearly I’m to be pestered by both of you until I say something. I’ll be brief: I’m taking Persephone back to Demeter.”

Hecate shook her head. “Tilling the shoots under so soon?”

“Soon?!” he flared. “She has been here nearly a month! And as soon as there was a glimmer of hope that this could work, I destroyed it. I’ve ruined everything, Hecate. She will never find it in her heart to love me after what we did— after what I said. I’ve agonized over this for three days and I’m just going to do what is best for all.”

“And what does she have to say about this?” Nyx said.

“I cannot bring myself to speak to her, nor would she want me to. Not after we—” he walked away from Nyx and looked out above the twined branches of the trees, the waterfall in the distance cascading upward to the world above. “The mortals are suffering in her absence, thanks to her mother. After what happened between us, Persephone cannot possibly still wish to remain with me. We will still be married in name and title. She will live in the world above where she belongs, where she’s happiest, and my life can go back to the way it was.”

Here we see him returning to the comfort of who he once was. Before Persephone awakened him to emotions and love, he would of course have sent her back. The world above was dying and it would have been hypocritical of him not to. But that’s obviously not what he wants.

“There is no going back, Aidoneus,” Hecate replied, “And neither can she. What was done cannot be undone. You cannot build a new tree with those boards.”

“This is my marriage!” he said, turning back to them. “It’s my decision to make.”

“So,” Nyx said, “you will leave this realm without a Queen? Or do you have plans to take a concubine? Many of the nymphs who reside here would be willing…”

“No.” He felt bile well up in his throat as he contemplated any kind of intimacy with anyone but her.

“Would you stop her if she took a lover?”

His jaw and fingers clenched shut and he closed his eyes so Nyx could not see the fire that lit them. For all the nausea he felt at the idea of laying with another woman, the thought of his wife being touched by another man filled him with a rage so potent it could lay waste to the earth. The Olympian men had no qualms about seducing a woman once she was unbound from her vows of chastity. Unbidden images of Persephone’s body being dragged underneath Apollo or Ares tore at him until he thought he would scream.

Yeah, for all the progressive that Hades is, there isn’t anything that would cause him to become completely irrational like anyone else touching his wife.

“Did you think you could push her away so easily,” Hecate chided with a smirk, her eyes narrowed at him, “when you hold so tight?”

Aidoneus slammed his fist into the trunk of a tree next to him, feeling his skin break open on its rough bark. His wrist smarted at the impact. He looked at his abraded knuckles, then flexed his fingers outward and felt the wounds knit back together. The branches above dropped delicate red petals to the ground all around them.

“Do not presume that I came to this decision lightly.” His voice rasped and he forced his anger to subside. He wouldn’t let any of them— not Hecate or Nyx, nor his wife— destroy his hard-won peace of mind ever again. It had taken him aeons after the war to bury anything that could touch him. Now the wounds were open again. She needed to go back; he saw no reason why she wouldn’t want to go back. It was the right thing to do for both of them. Once she was with her mother, he would pay a visit to Olympus with a stern warning for each of the male gods. Their fear of him would keep her safe.

“Look around you, Hades. Our world is dark and deep and hidden— an eternal tangle of flowing rivers that surrounds and protects the souls waiting to be reborn to the world above. This is a realm that needs a Queen. We have been without one for too long.” The Goddess of Night moved toward him. “Setting me and my children free, drawing the shortest twig when Lachesis held out those three fateful lots for you and your brothers… Those pale beside the real reason the Fates chose you. The gifts and curses of ruling Chthonia were never meant to be your sole burden.”

“I have judiciously ruled this kingdom alone for thousands of years. Three and a half weeks are not—”

“And for those thousands of years we waited. We waited for the Queen to find you. To seek you out. And seek you out she did, beckoning you, before you were thrice chosen by her. First when you appeared in her dreams, second when she entered your sacred grove wearing a wreath of laurel and olive, and lastly when she plucked the flower that drew you to her from the depths.”

He shook his head. “That’s not how it happened, Nyx. I went to her father for permission to take Persephone as my bride, as it is done in the world above. I invaded her dreams; I chased her from her home, I rapt her away in my chariot and took her maidenhead in the dark.”

“Thousands of years, and still you think like an Olympian.” Hecate said. “Theirs is a different world, and ours are different ways.”

“Hecate, if I never hear you say that again, it will be too soon.” He turned to leave the grove again. “Please— both of you— just leave me in peace with my decision.”

“Hades…” Nyx breathed.

He turned, slowly and deliberately, to her once more. Aidoneus watched as she raised her hand and looked at the ground. Nyx splayed out her fingers and turned her palm upward. The red flowers lifted, hovering in midair as languidly as she did. They circled her and spiraled into a tight ball hovering weightless above her outstretched palm before bursting into flames, the embers shining like stars before vanishing into the darkness that shrouded her.

Ok I admit, this was a bit superfluous, but oh shit was it fun to imagine and write. Besides. One little tuft of grass is one thing, but when all of a sudden there are things growing in a place that’s supposed to be dead and still and unchanging... I had to herald it with something fun.

“Tell me, little one…” she said to him, “at what point should these be factored into your decision?”

Aidon looked down to where Nyx pointed her long fingers. On the gray, lifeless soil were scattered tufts of vibrant green, lying in the exact places the petals had been knocked to the ground. Making sure not to step on any of them, he walked carefully over to one, and crouched low to examine it. Aidon squinted at it and gingerly brushed his fingers along the soft blades of grass. “What in Tartarus…?” he whispered under his breath.

Hecate met his confusion with her placid gaze. “You are not the first lovers to quarrel, Aidoneus. But you are the first to create anything like this.”

“I did not… I cannot—”

Foreshadow, foreshadow...

“No, you cannot,” Hecate said. “Not you alone.”

“How are Persephone and I able to do this?” he said, his eyes wide with confusion.

Nyx and Hecate looked at each other. The Goddess of Night spoke. “My son said you came to him seeking an answer— that you’ve seen these in your dreams, and she as well…”

“Morpheus knew nothing about these,” he said. “They don’t appear in the dream world.”

“When you first went to Persephone, my son brought you together,” Nyx said. “To dream of another or ask that another dream of you is one thing…”

Aidoneus thought about their first meeting. How full of confusion he had been when he discovered himself pressed against her skin. How natural it felt to be with her.

“…But to bring two together in the same dream, to unite them— has only ever been asked of my son once.”

“Remember how you appeared to each other in the dream,” Hecate said. “And consider that it was her dream.”

He looked at Hecate, dumbfounded.

I love how all this time, Aidon thought that he was the one who subconsciously decided that they would meet each other for the first time in the nude and mid make out, but Hecate is all ‘guess what dum dum...’

“Is it so hard to believe, Aidoneus?” she continued. “You dreamed you met her in her own shrine, and so did she. She dreamed of her future husband that night, the night you walked into her dream to announce your betrothal. How you appeared to her was her idea. Your name a mystery, your realm unknown to her, she still grew your sacred bloom from the earth where she slept and dreamed of you.”

“You are her chosen Consort. And just as was done in that first dream, you, Aidoneus, provided the seed to create these. Together you have dreamed the pomegranate trees into existence, little one,” Nyx said, softly motioning to the leaves and flowers hanging above them.

“But what does it mean?”

“That is knowledge I cannot pass to you,” Hecate said.

“Of course it isn’t!” he said sarcastically. “Because the day I get a straight answer out of either of you, the Styx will flow backwards!”

In more news of drawing parallels with Persephone and Hades, I figured that of course he would get annoyed as all hell if they’re not telling him everything. And I’m sure this isn’t the first time this has happened. I’m pretty sure that Hades thinks that Nyx and Hecate knew how his “courtship” would go all along and gave him zero information about it since he was convinced it would be a well orchestrated, planned out, very simple thing.

Hecate and Nyx stared back at him. Aidoneus turned once more to leave.

“I don’t think you understand Hecate’s meaning,” Nyx began, stopping him. “We cannot pass this knowledge onto you because we don’t know what these mean. There are possibilities, but that is all they are.”

He looked at them somberly. “A shame they will remain just that, then.”

“Aidon,” Hecate said, “do you love her?”

“You know that I do,” he said softly.

I just felt so bad for him here. Because here he is, he’s quietly loved this woman for thousands of years, got a taste of what love was, and then thought he had completely fucked it all up to the moon and back. This is sort of the middle interlude for him, between that kind of ‘white light’ realization moment during their fight and when he says to Persephone in complete terms exactly how long he has loved her and will love her.

“You fought each other with hard words— and you both chose how to end that fight,” she said, folding her arms. “Neither could have happened unless she loved you just as fiercely. You believe your love compels you to send her back, and you are willing to sacrifice your every desire for her happiness, Aidoneus. But one more offering is required— your pride. Go to her.”

He loved her. Throughout all this, he loved her terribly, achingly— his passion undiminished. Since their argument he’d barely slept, not even spending time in his own bedroom, instead electing to nod off in the evening for an hour or so, slumped on his throne between the increasing number of judgments. He swiped a hand over his unshaven face. It was a marvelous contradiction. Thoughts of her tormented his waking moments relentlessly, yet he couldn’t be at peace unless she was with him. His knew his needs, but what of her? Nyx, as she was wont to do, spoke of the metaphysical, the unsubstantiated. Her revelations were about a kind of love that Persephone wouldn’t understand— Aidon could barely wrap his mind around the imagery Nyx used, most of its meaning lost to the ages.

But he knew from the moment Persephone started tracing the scars of his past, healing him far deeper than the shallow marks on his skin, that she loved him as well. For that one sublime act, Aidon was eager to spend eternity returning that affection to her. How much would they miss, how many more perfect moments would lie cold and dormant if he released her back to Demeter? He stood at the precipice, fear flooding back into him once more. What if his wife wanted to leave him, and this was all for naught? Could he convince her to stay?

And here begins the second act of the book. And once he decides to get his shit together and face Persephone, that’s when Nyx calls him Liberator again.

Aidoneus plucked a single red flower, cradling it in his hand. It was bright and warm. He nodded and carefully tucked its red petals into the folds of his himation. Pointing at solemn Nyx and a wide-grinning Hecate, he said, “I’m not doing this for either of you,” and purposefully turned on his heels to leave the grove. “Or whatever you think may come of these.”

“We should be the least of your concerns. All you see here is mutable and inconsequential,” Nyx said, sweeping her hands out at the trees. She spoke quietly to herself as Aidon walked back toward the palace. “But your beloved queen is not, Liberator. Nearly anything can be forgiven, if one is willing to open their heart completely.”

[ninasfireescape]

top 10 crazy ex girlfriend songs

this amazing show is coming to an end this week so because I love making lists, I thought I would recap my top 10 songs from it. This will be based on a number of things including catchiness, how well-written the lyrics are, how well-written the music is, how much they tackle social issues and how funny they are. This is just my opinion and it was a very tricky choice as there are so many good ones I had to miss out. And yes, I know most of them are from season 1 but you have to admit, that was when most of the songs were fabulous.

10. I’m a Good Person

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Ix3qJPS1b4

I can’t really say I find this song relatable without sounding like, well, not a good person. This song appears in an early episode of the show as Greg accuses Rebecca of being a bad person. In response she sings this but throughout the song, it becomes clearer and clearer that everything she is doing directly contradicts her words. This song is creative and has perfect comic timing with all the ways Rebecca manages to be a bad person, mic dropping into a drink, destroying the microphone, scattering chips everywhere as confetti and eventually pointing a knife at someone to make them call her a good person. It is also incredibly catchy. The reason I call it relatable is because I know I could be a less extreme version of this. I relate to Rebecca as a character a lot. In real life, my pet peeve is people who take pride in being mean. As a result, I try to be nice to everyone but the fact is I have the worst timing, I’m socially awkward and yes at times I can be mean about people. I can definitely imagine myself trying to cheer up a friend and saying something that upsets them even more by accident or trying to help someone clean up but just getting in their way or dropping everything.

9. Where’s the Bathroom?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kVjq4v1B4pQ

As a Jewish girl, I love a good Jewish mother song. In one of my favourite episodes of all the show’s four seasons, Rebecca’s mother Naomi comes to visit for Chanukah (or Hanukkah). After she arrives, what follows is three straight minutes of her rapidly criticizing Rebecca and demanding to know where her bathroom while barely stopping to breathe, all accompanied by klezmer music. It is expertly composed and really showcases the talents of the actress.

8. The Math of Love Triangles

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=epuILDZ3KIo

I’m not sure quite what it is about this song but it really does it for me. It is one moment in the show where I have really considered how fantastic a singer Rachel Bloom is as well as an actress because the voice she does is hilarious. This song also has great lyric writing (all the triangle puns) and amazing sets and costumes.

7. You Stupid Bitch

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vrPrr4wmnJ4

After getting too deep into a Josh-involved scheme, Rebecca sings this powerful ballad of self-hatred. I’m going to be honest, I sing this song to myself a lot, every time I slightly mess up a social interaction. I love the chandelier made out of broken glass and Rachel Bloom can belt.

6. JAP Battle

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-TQmo5TvZQY

A rap battle between Rebecca and her arch nemesis, both of whom are ‘Jewish American Princesses.’ I love everything about this song: the Jewish puns, the roasts, the rapping abilities of both actresses, the bad dancing, Josh sliding around on a chair, everything. It has a reprise in season 4 as well where they compliment each other.

5. The Sexy Getting Ready Song

From the very first episode of the show. Rebecca gets ready for a party. It cuts between a dreamlike sequence, similar to the fantasy world of beauty adverts and the reality of Rebecca getting ready. It is completely on the nose about the message. We all know the struggle of burning yourself on a hair straightener. The song just sounds nice in itself as well and I always show people this song when I want to get them into the show. What really makes the song though is how the episode ends. This is terrible timing but the song features Nipsey Hussle who sadly was killed this week. He begins rapping only to see all the pain Rebecca must go through to get ready and leaves horrified. The episode ends with him having a list of ‘bitches’ to apologize to and it is comedy gold.

4. Put Yourself First

I really admire how this show does not shy away from issues which most forms of even feminist media do not address. Rebecca goes to a summer camp to teach girls female empowerment when she is really just there for Josh. The teenage girls find this out and tell her to ‘Put herself first…in a sexy way.’ From this, follows a horribly uncomfortable makeover sequence. The song is again very obvious about its message: that teenage girls are being taught it is empowering and self-care to make themselves attractive. It parodies songs by girl groups such as Fifth Harmony which I like because I used to listen to their music a lot. I think rather than criticizing the teenage girls themselves, it criticizes the culture that has forced them to think this way.

3. Getting’ Bi

Wow Alexia you like a song about being bisexual? I never would have guessed that! This was most people’s, including my first interaction with the show, seeing the music video being spread around on here. Rarely do I see a show use the dreaded B-word, let alone sing about it while dancing in front of a bi flag. The show has treated bisexuality so casually and so well with three bisexual characters! It has very positive representation and this song is just such a bop. Plus it has the line “It doesn’t take an intellectual to get that I’m bisexual.” If your show doesn’t have a bisexual character playing the saxophone, are you even trying?

2. Let’s Generalise About Men

80’s Music + Hating Men = Poetic Cinema. This song, as the title indicates, features the gurl squad making ridiculous generalizations about men. Yes, we have all done this. The song, though acknowledging we can go too far sometimes, does not condemn us for this behaviour as it explains this is a “primal ritual we need now and then”.

1.  Remember That We Suffered

This song is criminally underrated although I suppose it is a hard song to understand the humour of unless you are Jewish and have lived through every festival of the year being about a story of our suffering. Yes, it does require quite a dark sense of humour. But then again, the dancing in it makes me nostalgic for my Bat Mitzvah, it has Patti Lupone, and it has the line “We sing in a minor key to remember that we suffered.” The writers really get it.

Special Mentions: Friendtopia, I Go to the Zoo, I’m the Villain in my Own Story, Who’s the New Guy?, Ping Pong Girl.

[agentmarymargaretskitz]

To Be or Not to Be?

Sequel to Let’s Make a Deal. Two days after an attack on Neron fails and the demon possesses Gary, Ava gets a call from Gary himself explaining that Neron has left his body and that he's himself again. But is he really?

(Special thanks to the Constangreen discord for helping me finish this. And for causing a fair amount of Adam thirsting)

Ao3

              Ava watched as agents filed into the Bureau’s offices as the day began. Every so often, she glanced over to a pair of desks close to her own office. Two days ago, John Constantine had tumbled into the Bureau with Desmond and told her and the Legends that Gary had been possessed by Neron. Even though they only had John’s word to go off of, Gary still hadn’t showed up for work since that day the Legends thought they could finally send him back to hell. She had tried calling him twice yesterday, but it had gone straight to voicemail. If he didn’t show up today…

The phone on her desk began to ring, and Ava turned to pick it up. “Hello?”

“…hey, Ava.”

She nearly dropped the phone. “Gary? What…where...is it you?”

“Yeah,” Gary sounded exhausted. “It’s me. Really me.”

“But Constantine said you were possessed?”

“I was, but Neron ditched me yesterday. He went into a guy delivering food for me.”

“Oh,” Ava nodded. “Okay. If he’s gone, then I’m still going to need you to come into work. You missed the debrief yesterday and we need to know as much of what happened to you as you can remember. The sooner the better, because Hank is really on my case since the whole attack on Neron deal.”

“Oh…okay. I’ll be there, Ava.”

“We’re on the clock, Agent Green,” Ava reminded him. “It’s Director Sharpe.”

“Yes. Sorry about that. I’ll get there as soon as I can.”

“Good.”

              The call disconnected and Ava breathed a sigh of relief. Gary was okay now. She’d been a little concerned yesterday about him. The good news is that they had another body on their side. However, Neron was still totally off the grid. Hell, he could have been in Constantine for all she knew since he had mentioned that Neron took away his protections. Wherever he was now, Ava doubted that he was still in Gary. As loyal as he was, he was probably too…Gary for Neron to want to stick around in.

~~~

Gary showed up at the Bureau almost an hour after he’d called in, and it was through the main entrance. Ava had forgotten about him until she got another call that he’d arrived before going down to meet him.

“Director Sharpe, I’m so sorry I’m late,” he babbled, narrowly avoiding running into a post. “My Uber got caught in traffic.”

Ava sighed. “Gary, you have a time courier. Why didn’t you just use that?”

“Oh,” Gary grinned sheepishly, but he didn’t look much like his normal self beyond that. His suit was a little rumpled and his tie askew. There was no way that he’d shaved since he’d gone missing. His glasses were also nowhere to be seen. He wasn’t slouching in on himself so much either.

“Gary, where is your courier?” Ava asked, waiting for her answer.

“The courier,” Gary nodded and she was sure that he was about to go into a long explanation. “Um, so I kinda gave it to Constantine when Neron possessed me. Figured that I, you know, better not have it with me if a demon’s pulling my strings. Although that’s not really the case anymore since I’m pretty sure he’s in my delivery guy. I should have made sure he was okay, but then I passed out and-”

“Gary!” Ava cut him off. “Relax. Good move on not letting the demon get access to a courier. Bad news is paperwork to get you another will take a while. I’ll get someone started on it. Just head on up, the debrief from yesterday is on your desk.”

“That’s all?”

“Yeah, pretty much,” Ava nodded. “Just head on up and get back to work.”

“Okay.”

“Good,” Ava turned and made her way towards the elevator to check on the magical creature containment units. “And don’t be late again tomorrow.”

“Yeah, sorry. I promise it won’t happen again…”

Ava was almost to the elevator when she heard something else at the end of the sentence.

“Bitch.”

The blonde spun around, but all she saw was Gary heading to the offices. She shook her head and pressed the call button. There was no way that Gary had said that, right? In his words that he’s told her many times, he had way too much respect and fear of her to even call her that point blank. Perhaps she was only hearing things.

But why was she hearing them in Gary’s voice?

~~~

Nate was looking over the newsletter that Ray had sent from the Waverider when he caught a flash of moment sliding into his vision. “Gary?”

The geeky Time Agent had a strained smile on his face. “Hey, Nate.”

Nate shook his head in disbelief. “But-but you…Neron-”

“Possessed me,” Gary finished. “Well, he didn’t stick around for long. He went into the guy who was delivering my food instead. He’s probably still in him.”

“Geez,” Nate grimaced. “So Neron is using someone else as a meat sack now? Poor guy.”

“Sure,” Gary nodded, taking a seat behind his desk.

“I’m going to tell the Legends about this. The sooner they track Neron down, the sooner this mess ends and he can be sent back to hell.”

“Well, I told Ava, er, Director Sharpe already. She’s probably already sent a message to the Waverider.”

              Gary did have a point. Ava always was on top of things in the office. Working with her more made him understand why Rip had put so much trust in her. She knew when she needed to step up and do something. Whether that was clone programming or not, it made her an excellent leader. Hopefully his father would realize that sooner than later and stop pestering her so much.

“Eh, I’ll send them a message anyways so they know Neron’s jumped into another body. Besides, they’ll be pleased to hear he’s out of you.”

“Great,” Gary smiled slowly. “You do that.”

An involuntary shudder ran through Nate. “Hey, how long has Neron been out of you?”

Gary frowned. “Well, I’m not totally sure. Because I remember talking to Constantine about sending Neron to hell. Then it was darkness for a while, like I was asleep. I…woke up at my apartment and there was a delivery guy there with black smoke going into his mouth. I didn’t get a good look at his face though because I passed out. But then I woke up and it was morning and I was late for work so I called Av- Director Sharpe. And now I’m here.”

He spread his arms out in a flourish, the smile returning to his face.

“Huh,” Nate said. “John told us you made a deal with Neron. Why would he leave you?”

“He was?” Gary sounded surprised. “I mean, I dunno. Maybe I was too weak of a host. But Constantine asked about me?”

“Yeah,” Nate replied, slowly turning his focus to his computer with the intention of marking the report of Neron’s attack and Gary’s possession as closed. With Gary back and himself again, there was no need to keep it open. “He seemed pretty worried about you. Kept saying that it was his fault. You know, this might be your shot at getting back together since he cares about you so much.”

“He cares about me?” Gary mused, stroking his unshaven chin. “Well, that is an opportunity for something.”

~~~

              Something was different lately at work. When Mona got down to the magical creature’s cells, there was a weird kind of energy in their air. Everyone seemed on edge when she came to visit them. The leprechaun was muttering about a ‘Wishweaver’ being close by but wouldn’t say anything beyond that. Baba Yaga didn’t come out of her chicken-legged hut as she usually did when Mona entered the room. Even the baby chimera seemed scared, and she was not a shy one. Once that happened, Mona was certain something was brewing again at the Bureau.

“Maybe you’ll feel better after eating,” she said kindly to the little monster as she left. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Eris!”

              She walked back out into the hallway and pushed the cart down the hallway to greet her next change. Even though Nora wasn’t next, Mona still couldn’t help but feel excited about the latest love letter she was delivering to the witch from Ray. They were definitely more of a Monica and Chandler than Ross and Rachel the more she watched their relationship bloom. She’d have to mention that at the wedding, whenever it happened.

              Her thoughts on the two lovebirds screeched to a halt when Mona turned the corner and saw someone standing in the hallway. Her hand fell to her side to grab the pepper spray she’d started bringing to work. If this was another man in black trying to kidnap a creature, she was going to be ready. Even if the creatures were prisoners, she would protect them from harm with her life. But then the man turned, and Mona realized there was no reason for alarm.

“Gary?” she questioned as he started walking towards her. “What are you doing here? Or are you even Gary? I heard about what happened to you. I’m warning you, I have an exorcism recorded that I will use!”

“The demon’s gone, Mona,” Gary chuckled. “He’s been gone for two days. It’s just me again.”

“Oh,” Mona relaxed, her hand falling away from the pepper spray. “Well, why are you down here?”

“Couldn’t sit still for long. I felt like stretching my legs and decided to take a walk through down here.”

“Ah,” Mona nodded. “Cool. I almost didn’t recognize you. You look a lot different now.”

“There’s a reason for that,” Gary told her “Neron broke my glasses, so I’ve been using contacts. And I ran out of razors, so I’m trying the beard out.”

“You look great,” Mona told him, but his look just contributed to the creepy energy she’d been feeling around the containment units since yesterday. “I’ll see you around. Gotta make sure that everyone gets their lunch.”

“Of course,” Gary’s smile slipped into place too easy before he walked off.

Mona turned to watch him go, noting that Baba Yaga started screeching in her cell once Gary walked by it.

~~~

              Nora set her book down and rubbed at her eye. As much as she appreciated the steady flow of literature that Mona provided her, sometimes she just needed a break from the story. The latest chapter had featured a very intense scene between the two main characters in a forest that made her nostalgic for freedom. She knew she belonged in the cell though, that her penance was her first step on the path of redemption. But it had been so long since she had felt the sun on her skin.

              With a sigh, she stretched out to the foot of her bed to retrieve the note Mona had delivered to her yesterday. Even though she’d already read it three times, the content was worth another reread. Ray was sweet to keep sending her letters while she was in here. Each one told of the exploits of the Legends that made her feel like she was on the Waverider instead of a cell at the Time Bureau. She wished she could sneak herself into an envelope and be delivered to the ship like Ray had done.

              A faint tang of sulfur hit her nostrils when Nora straightened up, accompanied by the feeling of being watched. She knew there were cameras above watching her every move, but this was different. It felt exactly like when she was growing up in the cult with Mallus’s influence wrapped tightly around her. Nora slowly turned to look at the door of her cell, where Gary Green was staring at her through the glass. She sent a glare his way, hoping it would get him to scram.

A lazy smile flitted over his face before his eyes turned completely red.

              Nora flinched back as Gary slid out of sight, astonished. Gary wasn’t one to lurk around this area, which made his presence down here already unusual. It was his eyes that really tipped her off though. Her eyes had looked the same whenever she’d passed by a mirror while Mallus was in control. If Gary’s eyes were like that…then someone else was pulling Gary’s strings.

Next time Mona came around, Nora was going to tell her about this.

~~~

              Dez thumbed through one of the magazines a Time Bureau agent had provided him. Spending what felt like years in hell and then months with no control over his body had gotten him out of the loop on everything. So while he recovered from the possession in the Bureau’s medical center, Dez was making sure he was catching up on what he could. As bad as everything was in the world, at least it was a lot better than being in hell.

              While he was glad that John had been spared a little longer Neron’s wrath, Dez had been worrying about the aftermath of Neron leaving his body. The guy the demon had ditched him for hadn’t left his mind since it happened. He’d been pretty brave to stick his neck out for John like that. Dez wondered a little if he’d had a bit of a crush on John, not that he could blame him. Not everyone would offer themselves up to a demon like that.

              That poor man was going through so much torment right now. The thing with Neron was that he targeted purity. Dez remembered how everything he loved or cared about was broken apart in his mind by the demon. He’d never felt so much hate in his life before. It had been suffocating. Sometimes he hadn’t been sure if it was his hate or Neron’s.

              Sighing, he glanced through the glass wall of the medical wing at the agents walking past. The doctor has told him that it was a one-way mirror that only he could see though, but one of the agents had stopped in front of it to stare at him. It took a moment before Dez recognized him as the man who’d agreed to let Neron possess him. The glasses were gone and he had a beard now, but it was the same man. He tilted his head to the side, regarding Dez as if he was able to see him instead of his reflection.

“Go away,” Dez muttered, even though he knew the man couldn’t hear him.

The man smiled smugly and winked. A ripple passed over his face, revealing a different one for a moment.

Neron.

Dez’s eyes rolled back as he fainted.

~~~

“While you were out, Director Sharpe sent a transmission to the ship,” Gideon announced as the Legends filed back onto the Waverider. “And it is one the whole team can view, Captain.”

“Thanks, Gideon,” Sara muttered as Charlie tossed her a smug grin. “You hold up okay while we were stuck in Roanoke?”

“It was a great deal quieter without you lot, although it is good you all returned alive.”

“We missed you too, Gideon,” Zari told the AI. “And I missed pants.”

“I missed Wi-Fi,” Ray chimed in.

“And I missed the game,” Mick muttered.

Sara rolled her eyes at the team as they entered the parlor. “Gideon, roll the message. Hopefully iy’s good news.”

“And something about where Neron is,” John mumbled as he slunk in last. He’d been in a bad funk since the attempt to send Neron back to hell ended with Gary getting possessed.

The hologram of Ava appeared in the center of the room. “Hey, Sara. I know you said you wouldn’t be on the Waverider during the latest mission. I’m hoping you get this soon. There’s some good news back here. Gary’s Gary again. He told us that Neron ditched him for another body. The bad news is that we have no idea who is it beyond a delivery guy and where they are now. We’re looking into it now, but John can stop worrying about Gary. Anyway, just wanted to give you a quick update on that. Give me a call when you have the chance.”

As Ava disappeared, Ray smiled at everyone else. “Well, if Gary’s free, that’s good news.”

“But Neron’s still running around out there,” Zari reminded him. “And they don’t know where he is now.”

John shook his head. “I do, and we need to get back to the Bureau. Everyone there is in danger.”

“Why?” Mick asked. “It’s not like Time Dweeb’s possessed anymore.”

“Sharpie might think that, but she’s wrong,” John told them. “Neron wouldn’t give up a body just like that, especially one that he got from a deal. Not to mention that he’s also a demon. They lie and manipulate to get what they want. There’s a wolf in the herd and the Bureau doesn’t even know it.”

Sara held up a hand. “Hang on, are you saying Gary’s still possessed?”

John nodded.

“He’s right,” Charlie agreed. “We have to warn them. He’s in close proximity to more magical creatures now. If he decides to strike, then a lot of people are going to get hurt and die.”

“Including Nora,” Ray paled. “And Nate.”

“Ava too,” Sara turned to John. “You’re certain that Neron is still inside Gary?”

“Positive.”

“Then everyone needs to strap in,” Sara announced, heading toward her chair. “Gideon, we’re going back to the future.”

~~~

“I can’t believe this,” Ava shook her head as she and Nate walked into the Bureau’s offices with the Legends. “You really think Neron is still inside Gary? He told us himself that he went into another body.”

“Oh, so his word’s good enough?” John mocked. “Brilliant! Then we’ll all go home because surely a demon couldn’t be lying to you!”

“Easy,” Sara glared at him.

But John wasn’t done yet. “Did either of you even think to test him to see if he was still possessed? Or do you just care about him so little? That he’s another expendable agent to you, Director Sharpe.”

Ava turned and glared. “I have enough to deal with already, Constantine! Maybe I heard something, but I wasn’t sure! And I don’t need you blaming me when it’s your fault he got possessed in the first place.”

“You’ve got a lot of nerve-”

“STOP!” Zari suddenly shouted.

A hush fell over the entire room. Agents were staring at them before slowly resuming their work.

“This isn’t going to help us find him,” Zari spoke up. “You can point fingers later. Right now, we just need to find Gary.”

“Who’s looking for me?”

              The group turned around to see the man they were looking for. Gary was staring at all of them, looking confused. John was surprised to see how much his appearance had changed since he’d left him behind. He looked hotter, but that was marred by the knowledge that a demon was in charge.

“Why are the Legends here?” Gary asked, pointing to all of them. “Is something wrong, Director?”

“Game’s up, you demon bastard,” John spoke through gritted teeth.

He had the audacity to look hurt. “Constantine, what’s going on?”

“Gary,” Nate sighed. “You need to cooperate. I’ve got your back, bro, but they think you’re possessed still.”

“But-but-but,” Gary shook his head. “I’m not! He left me! I told you! I know I can’t remember the guy’s face, but Neron’s in him now and I-”

              While he babbled away, John lunged forward with a canister. He flicked the open end out toward Gary, water splashing his face. There was a sizzle as the liquid met his skin. Gary howled, clutching his face and stumbling backwards. Nate and Ray, who’d yelled at him for not following along with the plan, stopped and watched as Gary slowly looked back up at them. There were patches of red on his face where the holy water had hit, and his eyes were pure red.

“Gary…” Ava trailed off, unable to finish the sentence.

“There is no Gary,” he said, smiling cruelly. “Only Neron.”

Mick pulled out his heat gun as the other agents around the office pulled out their own weapons, all aimed at Neron.

“Cute,” the demon chuckled. “But pathetic.”

He threw his arms out. A force threw everyone and everything backwards. A few light fixtures popped and showered sparks. John groaned as he hit the floor, but he was one of the luckier ones. Most of the agents and Legends were unconscious. He heard a scream and saw one agent with his leg pinned under an overturned desk.

“You know, I’m almost glad you busted my cover,” Neron said, leaning down beside John. “It was so hard to have to be good and meek constantly and not rip someone’s guts out. I have never let so many people walk all over me in a host before. But I was in the perfect place, and you went and blew it!”

“Sucks for you,” John wheezed, grinning as he raised his hand.

“Oh no, no exorcisms here,” Neron snapped his fingers and a reel of tape wound itself around his head and over his mouth. “I’m sure you understand, Connie.”

John tried to lunge at him, but Neron stood up and kicked him back down.

“You…really did call me a bitch that day,” Ava snarled from where she was leaning over an unconscious Sara. “It was you all along.”

Neron turned and slow clapped for her. “Bravo, Ava. Gold star for you.”

“You possessed our friend,” Ava raised her gun at him.

“Wow, sweetheart, nothing escapes you,” Neron taunted. “You know, I wasn’t so sure about him at first. But he was right about no one really noticing him. It’s been a week and you’re only realizing today that poor little Gary isn’t the one in charge. You call yourselves his ‘friends’, but are you really? I let my personality slip through a few times and none of you noticed a thing! You just kept going about your business like nothing was wrong!”

“I just thought he was processing what happened to him,” Nate protested beside a desk.

“You’ve got to be a better liar than that, Nathaniel. Gary might not be in the driver’s seat, but he’s got the seat of the house in this ride. He’s seen everything this week. Poor sap knows how little you’ve noticed how different Gary was acting. He already knew that he was annoying and a pest to you, but to be brushed off after I told any of you I was just Gary again? It made him cry to be reaffirmed that no one cares. I mean, did any of you ask once during the week if he was okay?”

John looked at Nate and Ava, who sported guilty looks along with a few other agents. Reaching up, he started to work at clawing the tape away from his mouth.

“Exactly,” Neron grinned. “But hey, that’s what his friends do, right?”

“Shut up!” Ava snarled. “Get out of him!”

The demon looked unimpressed. “I’m sorry, does that usually work for you, Director? It could for Gary, but it’s useless with me.”

“Gary,” Zari said from somewhere in the back. “If you can hear us-”

“Save it,” Neron cut her off. “He knows you don’t really care. He’s accepting that I was right about you all. That none of you really care about Gary Green. And why should you?”

John had one lip free when Neron turned and smiled down at him. “Actually, scratch that. One person does care about him.”

“You’re a sick bastard,” John tried to say, although his voice was still a bit muffled by the tape when Neron dropped down to his level.

“I know,” Neron nodded. “I’m the King of Hate, I’ve heard it all before. But you were the one person who knew something wasn’t quite right with old Gary here.”

“I’ve dealt with more demons. I rely on holy water and salt, not word of mouth.”

“Smart man,” Neron praised, cradling John’s face in his hand. “When I was going to possess you last week, I figured that it would be fun to torture you in the same headspace. But now I see I don’t have to do that. I can keep riding Gary here while I enact my plan. You can watch someone you love suffer all over again.”

John wanted to hang his head, but Neron was forcing him to look up at Gary’s face.

“And as you watch the Earth fall apart and the Legends die, remember how you walked away to try and save him, but that it ultimately made him mine.”

Neron let him go and ambled towards the agent with his leg pinned under the desk.

“Gary…Gary…” the man pleaded.

“Gary isn’t here!” Neron roared at him. “McNeil, right? Not very bright for agent of the month, are we?”

McNeil was trembling. “What do you want?”

“Your time courier,” Neron demanded. “Quickly. I’ve been needed a new one since this idiot gave his away and the paperwork is still being filed for me to have a replacement. So, yours will do nicely.”

The agent hesitated. “I can’t do that.”

Neron sighed. “I’m going to be honest here, McNeil. I don’t like you. Gary doesn’t like you. He’s always been hoping to show you up someday. He said he’d be coming for you once when you won agent of the month again. Now he doesn’t have the balls to go through with it, but I do. Don’t worry, I won’t hurt you.”

McNeil relaxed.

“I’ll kill you first.”

“No!” Ava screamed.

John shut his eyes before he heard McNeil’s scream become a gurgle and several sickening noises. When he reopened his eyes, the demon’s suit and face were spattered with blood. A bloody time courier was in his hands. John looked at him instead of letting his eyes drift down to McNeil’s body, not wanting to see the damage that had been done. Neron smiled at him as he opened a doorway to an alleyway.

“Don’t worry. I won’t be gone for long. Just need to see some old friends,” he told them, tossing something from his pocket to the ground. “But here’s a reminder that you’re not getting Gary back.”

              With that, he stepped through and closed the door behind him. The room was completely silent before Nate, who’d been in closest proximity to McNeil, grabbed a trash can and vomited. Ava was rising to her feet, the unfired gun still in her hand. Everyone else was slowly coming to around the room, trying to crawl out of the wreckage. John got up and approached the object that Neron had thrown to the floor while Ava and Nate helped the others.

On the carpet, with McNeil’s blood on them, were Gary’s smashed glasses.

              Neron called them a reminder that Gary was gone. John didn’t see them that way. For him, they were a tangible motivation. He was going to go after Neron, whether the Bureau and Legends would be with him or not. Whatever it took, he’d do it to drive the demon out of Gary and send it straight back to hell.

“I’m coming after you,” he promised, pocketing the glasses before going to see the extent of the damage that had been done to the Bureau’s office.

[nonbinarysasquatch]

for the critical opinion on ships ask meme: dramione, rethaniel, joshbecca, grebecca?

Ah, yes, let’s see how many people I can piss off in one go. I’ll tackle these in reverse:

Grebecca: Maybe in some alternate universe these two could work out but not in the one we have. They were very toxic for each other and Greg, frankly, deserves better. I think It Was a Shit Show said everything about their relationship that needed to be said. It was terrible and Greg did the right thing by leaving. 

While I do think Rebecca loved him, as long her obsession with Josh and her on issues went unaddressed she would’ve continued to string him along and eventually they would’ve hated each other. I think they were a really good example of how love can’t save a toxic relationship and you shouldn’t destroy yourself trying to make a toxic relationship work.

I do think seeing all the shippers who harass Rachel and Aline have soured me further on this ship but I still love Greg as a character. He’s (in my opinion) the most realistically human character the show has had.

Joshbecca: Josh is a sweet guy but he’s not remotely emotionally intelligent enough to be with Rebecca. And frankly, they just don’t have much in common. The main way they connect at all is via his childishness but for Rebecca that’s not healthy (and I’d argue it’s not really healthy for Josh either.) 

There’s probably a universe where they could date for a few months and have fun but that’s it. They are just too different and in terms of the actual canon universe Rebecca has beyond treated him awfully and it’s only by the grace of the fact that Josh is the most forgiving and kind character on the show that he doesn’t hate her.

Rethaniel: Oh boy. Are you ever like, “Well, I’m about to say things that literally no one is going to be happy with”?

It’s been an interesting journey tracking my feelings about this ship. On my first watch through I was surprised by how much I was able to like Nathaniel, despite his flaws. But then I rewatched and was better able to analyse his actions (while watching season 3 live it became easy to forget things he had said and done and I didn’t pay attention to fan discussions at all.)

There are definitely Nathaniel moments I like. Actually, I still love his plot in Josh is Irrelevant because I really relate to him getting triggered in that episode for some personal reasons. It’s the only time I’ve found him relatable, though.

The funniest thing is that deciding to check out the CXGF fandom on Tumblr was the thing that really started to bring out my negativity about the ship. Simply because I was stunned to find out so many people... shipped them so wholeheartedly. It made me uncomfortable even though at that point I still hadn’t put an enormous amount of thought into it because frankly: I don’t care about Rebecca’s romantic life at all. It’s not why I watch the show. So my attitude has tended to be “she can have romantic stumbles and bad relationships as long as the end of the show isn’t about her romantic life.”

And I mean, that’s STILL my attitude. I know some people disagree but I’m fine with Rebecca having bad relationships and I know some people REALLY disagree but I think there is value to Nathaniel as a character (DON’T HATE ME LEAH) and deconstructing the privilege and abuses of wealthy straight white men in America.

Now, thankfully, my experience with Rethaniel shippers has all been great and most seem to be lovely people and many of them ARE critical of Nathaniel’s actions. So I don’t hold anything against them, and I’ve been forged in the fires of HP fandom where some truly gross ships are also some of the most popular so...

Anyhow, here’s why I’ve gone from kinda neutral on Rethaniel to them being actually something I’m against:

Look, before we get into any of Nathaniel’s behaviour and meta on his place on the show, I’ll just say: it’s really fucking hard to ignore that every female Jewish fan of the show I’ve interacted with hates Nathaniel. It’s not my place to comment on why that is but when an entire group is like “this dude makes us uncomfortable” I tend to listen.

Meta wise, we now know that Rebecca is Nathaniel’s Josh, aka object of obsession that he’s idealising. Which means that aside from any of his actual behaviour, once Nathaniel can get over that obsession it won’t be healthy for him to continue to interact with Rebecca.

Nathaniel sexually harassed Rebecca while they were trapped in an elevator.

He plotted to deport Josh’s father and to murder Josh’s grandfather so that he could get laid (though it’s debatable whether Nathaniel really thought he would have to go through with these things, I do think if Rebecca had been cool with them he would’ve let them happen and buried any guilt as per usual.)

He repeatedly bodyshames her.

He treats her mental health problems as cute and attractive.

When she breaks up with him he fires her out of spite (something he basically confesses to.)

Rachel Bloom has said that Rebecca is attracted to Nathaniel in part BECAUSE he negs her and that definitely tracks with Rebecca’s low self-esteem. She’s also said that her interactions with Paula’s dad factor why she goes and sleeps with Nathaniel after getting back to West Covina, so erm, unpack THAT.

For me the final clincher is “Nothing is Ever Anyone’s Fault” a song which I should note, I like (as a piece of satire and meta-commentary, which is a case for a lot of the show’s morally not great pieces.) After everything, Nathaniel doesn’t see anything he’s done as wrong. I do think he will eventually but the end of season 3 and the title being “Nathaniel is Irrelevant” to me send a clear message. 

I’m baffled that some people think “Nothing is Ever Anyone’s Fault” is a sweet, romantic song when everything about it is the opposite of the message the show is trying to convey. Rebecca and Nathaniel are saying in that moment that part of what has drawn them together is not taking responsibility for their actions and blaming everything on trauma. It’s destructive and toxic, not romantic. And this evidenced by the following scene in the courtroom where Rebecca rejects Nathaniels amorality and chooses her conscience (aka Paula.)

And like, soon I will finish my season 3 reviews and get into why the season 3 finale is genuinely one of my favourite things the show has done (as it was the next missing piece that I wanted the show to cover... they had dealt with what Rebecca’s underlying problems were but not fully dealt with her need to take responsibility for her actions.)

I think there’s hope for Nathaniel as a character. He can grow and be redeemed and learn to use his privilege to help people, rather than using it as a weapon and a shield. But he needs to stay away from Rebecca. I do think they love each other but their love is destructive.

My final thought I want to attach is that... I think there’s something to be said for the relevancy characters like Nathaniel have for Americans. In this country, our real life villains look like Nathaniel and his family. They represent white privilege and and cold, driven capitalism.

It’s not entirely surprising that so many of us find it easy to love Nathaniel and latch onto him as a character. I think it’s something we’ve been conditioned to as a way of coping with life in a capitalist hellscape.

Observe the way people like Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos are treated by many liberals. Jeff is, to be fair, a liberal but he’s also the wealthiest man in the world and his company has some serious ethical problems with how their workers are treated at all levels (it’s not just the people working in the warehouses, I’ve known Amazon programmers in the past and the work conditions are nightmarish and not sustainable unless you are in perfect health and have no personal life.)

And Elon Musk is a libertarian who has donated to Republicans who want to take people’s rights away but he still gets weirdly treated like some sort of liberal icon.

And I don’t want to poison the well too much, but I would like to at least make a cursory gesture at our president, who is a privileged straight white man who openly sexually harassed women, is guilty endless racism, antisemitism, ableism, misogyny and has of course been accused numerous times of sexual assault. A complete list of why our president is awful would require an entire novel to itself...

But someone like our president was able to get elected. Half the country voted him in. 

And obviously... Nathaniel isn’t wealthy on the level of guys like that (or he wouldn’t be pissing about with a lawfirm like Whitefeather) and he’s mercifully not a monster like our president. But I do think our need to cope with our environment contributes to liking characters like him. If people like him can be good inside and can be redeemed then maybe there’s hope for this country.

But in reality... people like Nathaniel don’t grow and change. But I believe they can. And, for me anyhow, this is the value I see in Nathaniel. They can send a message to straight, white men about privilege and learning to fight back against the patriarchy that lifts you up. He can be a good person. But his road to that might be a little harder because men like Nathaniel don’t change because privilege protects them. Why change when society itself never allows you to fail?

But I think Nathaniel will grow and change. But I think it’s important he does that on his own. Rebecca can’t be his manic pixie dream girl (even though that’s literally how he sees her.) Rebecca’s journey is her own and it’s not about the men.

[thechickflickeffect]

She’s the “Crazy Ex Girlfriend”

What? No, she’s not. From her own lips, “the situation is a lot more nuanced than that”!

How many times have you heard someone lamenting about their “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend”? “She was just so crazy, bro. Like, she was actually insane.” It’s a trope for a reason. But those “crazy” exes are people, too, who probably had actually justifiable reasons behind their actions, no matter how seemingly crazy those actions were. Crazy Ex Girlfriend, written by Rachel Bloom and Aline Brosh McKenna, does an amazing job of deconstructing and humanizing the trope – but, to it’s detriment, it just can’t seem to shake the connotations of its name.

I’m a little ashamed to admit that I was in the camp of people who saw the title and said, “I’m never gonna watch that”. I assumed it would be tacky, I assumed it would be offensive, I assumed it would be overtly misogynistic. At the time, I also assumed that it would be written & produced by men.

There were a lot of assumptions made about this show, by men and women alike. Most women assumed it would be derogatory towards their experience and contribute to the constant societal gaslighting of their experiences – if you create conflict in a relationship, no matter how justified, it’s easy to be labeled as the “crazy ex-girlfriend” forever. Men saw the same thing and let their own connotations of the word affect their perception and justify their desire not to pay it any attention.

All of the marketing for the show, and the theme song itself, seem to lay it out pretty plain. The show follows Rebecca Bunch, who abandons her cushy, very high paying job as a lawyer in New York after she runs into her high school summer camp beau on the street and he waxes on about how much he loves his hometown – West Covina, California. It happens to be where Josh lives – but that’s not why she moved out there. She just needed a new start, right?

No, she definitely followed Josh to his hometown because she was in love with him, a fact that she spends season one denying, though everyone else is aware of it and implies the Crazy Ex-Girlfriend treatment. I mean, she does sound insane, right? That’s insane.

But the show actually does an amazing job of humanizing Rebecca and humanizing the trope that she’s based on. Yes, her actions are insane, but they come from a place of desperation and a need for acceptance. Her father walked out on her and her mother spent the years following taking that anger out on her, criticizing everything she did and making her feel horrible about herself. Romantic love might be the only place Rebecca has ever felt that she could receive that validation she craves from her parents.

In an interview discussing the original conceit of the show, Rachel Bloom (who is one of the showrunners, as well as playing Rebecca) talks of how “we were taught to deify obsession” and that that shines through with Rebecca – she thinks this obsession with her ex, Josh Chan, will provide her with the happiness she seeks, no matter how insane that sounds to the new friends she makes in West Covina.

Rebecca’s journey, and what makes you empathize with Rebecca, is that she’s more than this vague idea of “the crazy ex-girlfriend” – she’s human, she’s real, you could be her if you made a couple different choices in your life. She has to find out who she is, what she wants, and what’s going to make her happy – as opposed to what she’s been told her whole life will make her happy.

While they never shy away from showing her obsession with Josh as what it is – a crazy, dangerous obsession – they manage to make her a sympathetic character, whose actions you can understand, even if you don’t defend them. For example, there is an episode in season one where she plants an absurd amount of money on her boss’s ex-wife to attempt to frame her for a crime. On the surface, this seems like an absolutely insane move that nobody could ever justify. However, the writers show throughout the episode how Rebecca gets to this point. First, her friend tells her and Josh that they’re bad people because he’s still mad at her for something that happened in a previous episode. She then begins to try and prove to this friend that she’s a good person by helping her boss get custody of his daughter. When she succeeds and gets him temporary custody, Greg (the friend) doesn’t care and doubles down on the fact that she only did it to prove she’s a good person. This leads her to plant the money in an attempt to get Daryl (her boss) full custody instead.

Yes, it’s still absolutely bonkers that someone would think of that as the solution and try to follow through on it, but as she explains that her own tumultuous experience with her parents’ divorce probably played a part in her actions, you sympathize with her. You don’t justify the individual wrong thing that she did, but you understand how she got to that point and it doesn’t seem quite so insane anymore.

On a much more serious note of sympathizing with Rebecca, a large portion of season three is dedicated to Rebecca’s suicide attempt and subsequent recovery and diagnosis. When I first realized that this is what they were doing, I was admittedly very hesitant. It’s very hard to include a character being suicidal, especially when they actually attempt to go through with it, without either contributing to the stigma surrounding suicidal thoughts or accidentally creating a farce of it through overdramatization.  

But, once again, Rachel Bloom and Aline Brosh Mckenna prove that they’ve put countless hours of thought and effort into making Rebecca’s journey an insightful one, free of stigma or overt judgement. The scene of her actual attempt is realistic – she’s sad and she’s tired and she feels hopeless, torn between two places that feel equally isolating. She makes a decision in the moment that she regrets, coming to a slight lucidity in the haze of the drugs she’s attempted to overdose on to ask for help. The scenes following where her friends (who, it turns out, do not hate her and actively care for her) find out are equally realistic, while still adhering to the slightly satirical tone of the show – Heather retains her abrasive tone, while finding ways to show that she’s there for Rebecca. Valencia makes it about her, starting a social movement for people suffering from depression, until she breaks and admits how scared she was for Rebecca and how much she cares about her. Her motherly best friend, Paula, is there for her without a second thought. Even Josh tries to be there for her, though he also makes it about him – he blames his rejection of her for her suicidal thoughts, which culminates in a beautiful scene where she tells him that it had nothing to do with him. It’s one of the first times we see Rebecca take accountability and shift the blame for anything fully onto herself.

Something I was surprised to see them address was the prevalence of misdiagnosis (and overdiagnosis) in mental health services. Rebecca has known her whole life that something is wrong – she doesn’t feel normal, she’s not happy, it’s harder for her to make connections with other people. Throughout her life, she’s been told “it’s just depression”, “it’s just anxiety”, “take this pill”, “do this exercise”, and none of it has worked, but she’s never been able to push past that urge to just throw antidepressants at her problems. This is why she’s so excited at the prospect of being able to get a new, more accurate diagnosis.

She’s aware, as most people are, that a diagnosis won’t magically solve her problems and she’ll have to put in the work to get better. ‘A Diagnosis’ as a song represents the hope and clarity that comes from the promise of knowing that there’s actually something wrong with you and you’re not just a hopeless horrible person. This hope can feel life-changing in the moment.

Rebecca ends the series single, with strong friendships with each of the three beaus she sees throughout the show. She finally finds a passion in songwriting, getting the songs and delusional ‘what if’s out of her head and down on paper instead. She reflects through several reprises of major songs from the show on how she’s gotten to where she is and how she’s gotten to a place where she can actually express herself and get that validation that she craves from herself, as opposed to the external love and support (which it’s important to note that she does also receive from the strong friendships she’s managed to make in West Covina) that she spent seasons one through three chasing.

Rebecca’s story is about humanity and self-love and recovery and you wouldn’t know any of that if you glance at the title of the show and write it off because of your own associations with the term “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend”. The situation is a lot more nuanced than that.

[jobethdalloway]

2018 tony ramblings

-I’m so thrilled for The Band’s Visit. I was lucky to see it before it reached Broadway - it came to my attention bc I love the movie and was so surprised to see it had been adapted into a musical. I couldn’t believe it when I learned it made it to B’way and now it swept the Tonys omg!! Yes. 

-Tony Shalhoub’s teary eyes while Katrina Lenk was singing? mood

-actually, I cried a few times myself: when Lindsay Mendez said she’d been told to change her last name; when Ar’iel Stachel said he avoided going places with parents/suppressed connection to his Middle Eastern identity after 9/11 but now look at this show he got to be in (“your obstacle can become your purpose”); and those Marjory Stoneman Douglas students singing “Seasons of Love.” That got me because Rent was SO huge when I was in school, like every theater kid was obsessed with it (to the point that I really came to dislike the show, except for that one song). But hearing these students perform it really took me back, and the reactions of people in that theater...wow. That is the power of live performance.

-I guess HP & the cursed whoever probably works much better on stage than on paper. If tickets ever get down to a reasonable price, maybe I’ll make it there someday

-so thrilled for Laurie Metcalf and her win. She’s an actress with incredible range and she seemed really surprised to have won. Loved her dress, too. I’m still pissed at the Academy for giving her award to Allison Janney (and I say this as someone who loved “I Tonya” but was meh about “Lady Bird)

-when will Rachel Bloom host the Tonys (Sara & Josh were actually a great duo tho)

-the song from Mean Girls really didn’t do anything for me until Gretchen and Karen’s verses - those were funny and felt fresh, as opposed to the rest of the song, which just...didn’t feel particularly unique or inspired. The style felt like a weird mesh for the story? I haven’t seen the show so I can’t speak to the rest of the music, but eh

-also I get that the choreography was a big deal and obvs Justin Peck deserved his win, but wtf why did they not do a medley for Carousel??? You have Jessie Mueller and Joshua Henry and Lindsay Mendez and RENEE FLEMING in your cast performing some of Rodgers and Hammerstein’s most famous work and you don’t do at least a few bars of “you’ll never walk alone”???? FAIL

-totally underwhelmed by the Spongebob number they chose. That Squidward costume, while super creative/props to the guy for being able to dance in it, is going to haunt me in my nightmares. I’ve seen a clip of Ethan Slater performing and he seems fun/the iridescent sponges were a cool idea, but how is the rest of the music? 

-I felt kinda bad but also laughed at the little boy making faces behind glenda jackson (was this gif’d anywhere??) On that note congrats to Glenda and especially Laurie Metcalf, who I’m sure could use the pick-me-up. But honestly she was great. In a show that left me more profoundly depressed than any other play I’ve ever seen. So. thanks for that. 

-honestly? Kinda bummed Frozen didn’t win anything! But then, I didn’t expect it to win best musical or best script - I’m really surprised it didn’t even get nominations for lighting or scenic design or costumes. I’ve seen a lot of haters (seriously? We’re still hating on Frozen just for existing?) who haven’t even seen the show but are just hating on it bc they hate Frozen. Which is so lame, you guys. I’m guessing Caissie Levy & Patty Murin canceled each other out for nominations, but they’d have both deserved at least nods. Here they are taking on these parts that are internationally beloved and known inside-out, and making them their own. The showpieces are stunning. The effects are remarkable. Their voices are a gift. Caissie Levy being able to make “Let it Go” her own is just incredible and she kills it. I love the movie but the show is so much better. 

-thank you tony kushner for reminding people to vote

-I still have a crush on john leguizamo 

-sorry I didn’t get to see boys in the band. their rainbow suits were wonderful!

-congrats to chita rivera

-robert deniro

-I’m annoyed to remember that the shows are filmed but except in extremely rare circumstances, are not released to the general public