#(don't worry i am not at risk

[thedreadvampy]

sometimes I forget that my experience has been. um. not 'your experiences are not universal' vibes but more like 'your experiences are EXTREMELY atypical'

[naomiknight-17]

All I did today was go upstairs a couple of times and attend an online meeting and I'm just. So exhausted. Completely worn out

Struggling to find the strength to do dishes and feed the cats

Then tomorrow I have to escort Mom to an emergency dental appointment because she broke a tooth. Then Wednesday my cardiac rehab program at the hospital starts, which involves education and exercise and. Well. Getting my ass out of the house and to the hospital

God give me strength to get through the next few days

[tj-crochets]

Hey y'all! I have to preface this two-part question by saying it is not based on something I am currently experiencing, but something that happened years ago 1. Can anaphylaxis cause low blood sugar? 2. How bad is a blood sugar level in the 40s? Again, based on something from years ago, not now (just in case someone skipped the first paragraph) Like, I understand that that's very low blood sugar and is bad but idk how bad? At the time it happened I was at an urgent care and, uh, not tracking what was happening super well (both the things definitely happened at the same time, but I am unsure if they were related things)

[archervale]

do we ever find out just how much younger adam is than sam and dean?

[arseniccattails]

The main takeaway from man or bear discourse is always and forever that none of you spend any time in the woods. You will find both and you will probably be fine. And if you're not, you should be carrying bear mace anyways.

[wild-at-mind]

I honestly thought I didn't really have much chest dysphoria (small chested) but it's been several days since I put binding tape on as I had been careless removing it and scabbed the skin, and it feels terrible. I have a day's break every week or so which is just about doable but not this. Good thing my skin is better

[suncaptor]

never trust any narrative about medicine that talks in 100% absolutes.

[lowstakesvampires]

encountering rune

[dorianbrightmusic]

learned helplessness, & sweeping up internal/external hurricanes

i'd say one thing we don't discuss enough with mental health is the sheer terror of having something going on that you can't really describe, or that you don't comprehend well enough to be able to explain. so as a result, you end up dealing with some of the worst mental health symptoms you've ever had simply because you cannot describe them. a therapist, no matter how good, can seldom help if they don't know it's going on; and you can't tell other people that you're distressed, because if you don't get the wording right, they'll suspect you of something else, and then you'll have worried them without even getting help for the original distress.

when i first started having intrusive thoughts, i couldn't tell they were intrusive thoughts: i had an egosyntonic disorder at the time, meaning i couldn't really tell my own will apart from this other thing that was splitting my mind into little pieces. as such, i couldn't say 'i'm having violent intrusive thoughts', since i was scared that a part of me was genuinely turning violent. the result? i could only really articulate that i felt very afraid and unsafe, but not that 'i actually have this terrible feeling that i'm not in control of my body or mind'. trying to articulate 'i know it's irrational but every time i hear this song i wrote, i think i'm going to die, so i had to delete it from my computer and wipe the backup drives'?. couldn't do it, for it was something that could have made no more sense to anyone else than it did to me.

how do you articulate that your internal monologue doesn't feel like your own? you don't. it's not something that makes sense to you, so it'll certainly sound insane to anyone else. so you push it down and desperately hope it resolves. and it does, but the experience of not being able to talk about it, of not knowing what's going on and others never being able to understand when you try to explain – it's isolating, so isolating. so you learn to cling to any morsel of emotion, of validation, that you can get, and hence you learn to be disappointed, because you have an unspeakable conundrum. you hide each bit of yourself and then resent the fact that people complied when you instructed them not to go looking, and resent those who went looking and still never quite pieced you back together. nobody hurt you and nobody pushed you away and everyone was kind, but your experience is now fragmented, and if only someone could see that, could fix that.

i had a bad year last year—my memory gave out, and i lost a sense of joy. i saw static when i closed my eyes. at the time, this was called work-related stress. and sure, i was stressed; but 12 months later, i had a moment of sheer clarity in an elevator, where i finally could describe what'd happened. not just 'i was sad'. i had felt like i hadn't existed. my entire identity had ruptured and i was trying to pilot a body that didn't recognise itself. and that was the exact summation of it all, but had i been able to see that, let alone say that, at the time? no, and as a result, i learnt to be disheartened and afraid, and what was probably depression-adjacent at least and actual depression at most got brushed off as stress. which is fair, because overpathologising isn't necessarily helpful, but when you are lonesome, and you know there could have been an answer, a consolation————

that's the problem with mental health – you can't help someone who doesn't know what's happening to them, who thus can't communicate what's happening to them, unless you can somehow guide them to work out what's going on. and that's not something most people have time to achieve. the result is that we grow isolated and resentful because we didn't get the help that never could have been (but oh, if it could have been). and you stop trusting that people will hear you. given how many mental health symptoms are marked by that sense of not knowing what's going on – intrusive thoughts, dissociation, panic, demoralisation, anxiety, psychosis, trauma, detachment, despair – then it still is quite easy in today's world to feel a sense of becoming helpless to your own unspeakable terror.

[kindnessoverperfection]

[kiuda]

take care of yourself ❤

you too anon and everyone else ❤️❤️

[miodiodavinci]

anyway all the goofing aside i'm (hopefully) getting my surgery tomorrow so wish me luck w

[luwha]

.

[outeremissary]

Fandom reputation: Number one Tristian fan, kingmaker enthusiast with highly interesting thoughts, creator of beautiful little artworks and always so much fun to talk to.

Haha, thank you. Though I think I have been too late on the scene and too antisocial to be number one anything, truly... There are a lot of people out there who have been creating in the fandom much longer than I and have brought really impressive things into being. For reasons that elude me, some even follow me- a great and terrible honor indeed.

I am always happy to hear that the art and the company are fun :) As much as I grow, I know I'm still unskilled in both creative and social spheres, haha. It's high praise from someone as skilled as you. I'm amazed by what you can create and how rapidly you've grown.

[freepassbound]

1. Think of your three closest friends - would you have sex with any of them? Have you already?

2. Where’s the most unusual place you’ve masturbated?

9. What’s your darkest fantasy?

11. Would you rather have sex on a beach, on a plane, or in the bathroom of a fancy restaurant?

(Did you notice there were 2 number 2s in this list? 😄)

1: No, and no.

2: On a bus, probably? (It was a charter bus taking students back to campus, maybe a third to a quarter full; nine-hour drive, mostly at night)

9: I'd say a total loss of autonomy - the "actually being their toy"-type ones.

11: I'd go with sex on a beach; on the rocks, though (or rather a big rock) - no one wants sand in their junk! 😂

(No, I did not. 😂)

[the-busy-ghost]

Love my wool skirt and handwashing it was much easier than I thought but unfortunately I also discovered how heavy it gets when wet and now I have a complex about somehow becoming trapped in a large body of water and having to swim for my life with the skirt weighing me down