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dysfunctionalcrab · 4 years

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babysitter

pairing: georgenotfound x reader

pronouns: gender neutral

description: george is left to babysit your niece

warnings: mentions of a future family? just in case that makes you uncomfortable.

[y/n/n] - your nieces name

[y/s/n] - your siblings name (gender neutral too)

note: i’m not too sure about this imagine, please a like or reply if you actually enjoyed! - niss

you woke up to the sound of your alarm blasting your ear off, if you hadn’t turned it off right there you probably would have gone deaf.

george was sleeping like a baby beside you, you could hear his quiet snores. you were surprised he didn’t wake up to the sound of your ear-piercing alarm.

turning on your phone, you glanced at the time that read 12:30. you sighed in annoyance as you registered that you only had half an hour before you had to be on your way to university. so you got up and began your normal morning routine, brush your teeth, shower, have breakfast and finally get dressed. however, as you were packing your bag, almost ready to go, you received a notification from your [sibling]

[y/s/n]: we’re 5 minutes away!!!

[y/s/n]: thank you so much for agreeing to do this :)

fuck.

it completely slipped your mind. you had promised to take care of [y/n/n] for today, your 7 year old niece, while your [sibling] was at their job interview. regardless, you texted them a quick ‘no problem’ before rushing upstairs to wake up george.

he was still sleeping, but now he was completely hiding under the covers with one arm sticking out. you hated to interrupt his beauty sleep but this was more important. you began to shake him awake.

“babe,” you shook him

“wake up,”

“george,” you removed the covers off his face

“wake the fuck up!” you started poking his sides. usually, you would be a little less... harsh, but you were panicking.

finally the boy rose from his slumber, groaning and stretching all his limbs. he blinked a couple times before meeting your eyes

“good morning,” he said softly, as if he completely just disregarded your tone of desperation and worry.

you pulled him by his arm and he sat upright,

“you need to get up right now,” you told him

“what’s going on?” he questioned, clearly confused as you weren’t giving him any context

“you need to take care of [y/n/n] for today, i have classes today, and i need to leave in 5 minutes and [y/s/n] has a job interview and there’s nobody else to take care of her,” you rushed out all in once sentence.

“are you serious?” he narrowed his eyes at you. “you know how bad i am with kids, especially [y/n/n] , she hates me,”

that was partly true. unfortunately, your niece wasn’t exactly fond of george. ever since you even started dating,m, [y/n/n] acted cold towards your boyfriend, it only got worse when you moved in with him. she always refused to play a game if george was going to participate, or never accepted any high fives or hellos from him. you felt sympathy for george. this child despised him and now you were asking him to look after her.

“please, i’m begging you,” you looked at him with pleading eyes. his eyes softened up after recognising the urgency of the situation.

“fine,” he agreed. you sighed out of satisfaction that you didn’t have to stress out [y/s/n] over finding a new baby sitter.

“thank you so much,” you pressed a small kiss to his lips appreciatively.

right at that moment, you two heard the doorbell ring. you urged george to get ready as fast as he could while you went down stairs and greeted your [sibling] and your niece.

“auntie/uncle [y/n]!” [y/n/n] yelled as you opened the door, immediately rushing into your arms. she looked a lot taller than the last time you saw her

“how’s my favourite girl?” you picked her up and swung her, before placing a little kiss on her head

you gave your [sibling] a quick hug. they handed you a bag full of toys, teddies and colouring pens, along with a spare set of clothing just in case [y/n/n] got a little messy throughout the day. and some quick reminders about her favourite foods or how to get her stop crying. you’d looked after her before, so all of it was pretty familiar to you

“again, thank you so, so much, you have no idea how much you’re helping me.” they told you. your [sibling] gave [y/n/n] a kiss on the cheek and told her to be a ‘good and kind little girl’ before finally exiting the household.

george, at last, made his way down. wearing a decent pair of jeans and a hoodie, giving an awkward wave to [y/n/n]

you checked the time and knew you had to get going. you had to explain to her that uncle george was going to be the one looking after her today. and after one whole tantrum, you managed to convince her to be a good girl by promising to give her a big reward afterward.

finally, you kissed [y/n/n] and george a goodbye , then shut the front door behind you.

george and [y/n/n] stood opposite each other. there was an uncomfortable silence in the air. george felt so...he didn’t even know. what do you say to a child who hates you? [y/n/n] tightly clutched her bag of toys.

“so, [y/n/n],” george cleared his throat, he bent down to her level. “i hear you like toy story?”

[y/n/n] pouted “i don’t like you” she said, and stomped away.

george sighed. this was going to be a long day.

and it was.

it started off with [y/n/n] innocently using her colouring pens and drawing random things, you know, as children do. but when she ran out of paper, she made her way to your office, where all your uni work was. she grabbed the closest piece of paper that was sitting on your desk, deciding it was going to be the next canvas for her art. this paper just happened to be a very important assignment.

when george caught her in the act, he had to physically tear her away from your office, in defiance of all her kicking and screaming.

then, when george accidently left the door to your shared bedroom open. [y/n/n] waddled in without him noticing, she started playing with all of his devices. his computer, his microphone, and somehow she got a hold of his headphones, and took out the battery. george didn’t realise until he noticed the cover missing. he tried to ask her nicely where she threw the battery. but she insisted that she wasn’t going to give it back unless he stopped being ‘mean’

when lunch time rolled around, george put a pizza in the oven, he remembered clearly that [y/n/n] loved pizza, specifically pepperoni. nothing could go wrong here.

but when he called her to the kitchen so she could receive her lunch. she just stared blankly at the pizza, and then at him. she crossed her arms

“[y/n] usually makes a smiley face with the pepperoni”

george just felt all his will to live just disappear

coloured pens and toys were spread out all across the living room floor, [y/n/n] was sitting in front of the tv, george put on one of her favourite shows which thankfully distracted her for a bit, allowing him to relax. he pulled out his phone and texted you

to [y/n] <3 : help me please

to [y/n] <3: i cant take this anymore, i’m literally dying rn

to [y/n] <3: come home quick

he exhaled heavily, throwing his phone to the side. he was so exhausted.

[y/n/n] was roleplaying with her toys, making them move around and doing squeaky little voices. george smiled at the innocence

“purple bear doesn’t play with us anymore. princess giraffe, mr. george took her away from us,” she spoke in a high pitched voice

george’s ears perked up. how funny that she had a teddy named ‘mr. george’. curiously, he watched the little girl.

“koala george, is a meanie, he stole purple bear and now they don’t want to hang out with us!”

it didn’t take a genius to find out what [y/n/n] was displaying through her role playing teddies.

that was why she didn’t like george. before they got together, [y/n] mentioned they almost spent every weekend with [y/n/n], playing with her and having fun with her.

she felt abandoned by [y/n] and felt as if george had taken them away from her .

george felt at fault as he noticed the girls eyes started to water.

“does purple bear love us any more?” she continued to play.

george decided it was enough and he switched off the television. he joined [y/n/n] on the floor and grabbed the teddy that was supposedly ‘koala george’

“[y/n/n]” he spoke softly. the little girl looked up at him expectantly. he held up the teddy.

“is this supposed to be me?” he questioned her.

“that’s a koala bear,” she answered

“no-, [y/n/n],” he said. he thought about how to ask her, and just chose it was best to be flat out with the child,”

“did i steal auntie/uncle [y/n] away from you?”

the question took her by surprise. she gazed at him with big wide eyes. she thought about her answer and grabbed the purple bear, which was supposed to be you.

“they don’t play with me as much anymore, they’re always with you, because of you, they don’t love me anymore,” she pulled a face, it wasn’t angry, it wasn’t annoyed.

it was a genuinely sad face.

george was sure he physically felt a pang of guilt in his stomach. he never even comprehended the fact that a child could feel so rejected.

“listen... [y/n/n],” he said gently. he thought about his words. comforting someone wasn’t exactly his strongest point, particularly not a child who detested him “[y/n] will never stop loving you, okay? they love you very much, and i’m sorry you feel like i stole them ”

[y/n/n] continued to listen.

“but don’t forget that [y/n] has so much love to go around! look, they love you, and they love me, they love grandma and grandpa too! they will always love one another even if they can’t see each other often,”

[y/n/n] stayed silent. she fiddled with the purple teddy, folding its ears and patting its head. she loved that bear. it was actually gifted to her by you, when she was first born. she brought it to her chest and hugged it. george tried a different approach.

“listen, how about- this weekend, we can all go to the park together, and have a picnic. you, me, [y/n], and your parents too,”

she continued to just stay silent. george didn’t know what to expect, she was unpredictable, was she going to throw another hissy fit? or start to cry? he wasn’t sure

“can we also get ice cream?” she asked

george smiled and felt himself relax. thank god. “all the ice cream you want,” he told her

[y/n/n] stood up and giggled. like her whole entire mood did a whole fucking 180. “okay! let’s go play dress up now!”

———

7:45 pm. you finally arrived home. you were tired out of your mind. [y/s/n]’s interview was delayed by two hours and was currently half way back home, meaning you had enough time to spend with [y/n/n]

you unlocked the door, expecting to see a giant tsunami of toys and colouring pencils and pens, but what you saw was the most heart warming thing ever.

george was sleeping on the couch, his head resting on the armrest. he had a couple pink bows in his hair, his lips were painted a hot pink, he was wearing a couple sparky bracelets and a purple floral necklace.

in his lap, [y/n/n] rested her head, she was wearing a fairy costume with matching pink bows and sparkly bracelets.

you quickly snapped a photo of this wholesome moment. because, who wouldn’t? you spent a few minutes just watching the two sleep, they were probably just as tired as you.

moments like these made you really appreciate the people you had in your life. the people you love so dearly much.

you didn’t want to disrupt the ambience but you felt it was better for your [sibling] to collect your niece when she wasn’t covered in glitter and an overload of pink accessories.

you quietly woke george up,

“baby, wake up.” you shook him awake, gently. in a very different way than you did this morning. he opened his eyes. and immediately smiled upon seeing your face. you ran your thumb across his cheek

“it looks like you two had a lot of fun,” you teased.

he quietly chuckled. “she’s okay,” he told you. looking down at the little girl sleeping in his lap.

you slowly and carefully picked her up, removing any accessories you thought may seem uncomfortable to sleep in. she was a heavy sleeper.

you carried her upstairs, tucking her into you and george’s bed and placing a kiss upon her forehead. you turned back to george and rushed in for a bear hug

“thank you so much for doing that,” you said. “i love you so much, i know it probably wasn’t easy, she can be quite the handful,”

george chuckled. “handful is an understatement,”

“you’d better be willing to dress up like that with our own kids one day.” you stated, hugging him tighter.

his face broke out into a small smile, having thought of an image of you two playing with you future kids. he kissed top of your head and then your nose

“maybe one day”

———

masterlist

#georgenotfound imagines #georgenotfound x reader #georgenotfound #mcyt x reader #mcyt #georgenotfound imagine #mcyt imagines

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butterbeeryuta · 5 years

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johnny as your boyfriend; radio!au

a/n: thIS was requested a looooooong time ago, and i am so sorry that i only wrote this now. My mocks are finally done, and they actually went pretty well, so i hope my results will match whatever i am claiming skdjkjd. This headcanon was really fun to write, and it was overall just adorable oof alright, imma head to over to my next oneshot now. Hope all of you have a great day.

Okay so ya’ll are in uniVersity (as expected because I am writing this)

You met johnny 2 years ago when you were freshman looking for a job on campus cause um,,, college is a bitch

And you saw this uni radio show ‘Night Night’ which went live every wednesday at 9 in the evening

You honestly had no idea what they talked about since you’ve never listened to one

Despite the fact that your roommate Sicheng always talks about it and claims how great it is

BUT ANYWAY

You always enjoyed radio shows in general, and saw that they were hiring for another radio show personality

HMMmmMmmmM i wonDEr wheRe tHIS Is gOInG

You were one intellect my dear; you were studying political science at Konkuk University, meaning, you were one opinionated ass individual

But, you also had your crack side acCording to ur roommate

You fucking chased Sicheng around with those incense sticks cause you couldn’t find your go-to rolling pin to scare the shit out of him for eating your pack of strawberries

I swear the two of you are great friends ya’ll just show love to each other in quite a unique way

ANYWAYS

YeAH so you went to ask for the job cause you need money to buy a safe for your precious strawberries

You brought whatever requirements they asked for, and nyyOoooOOooooOOOOnged your way over there

It was a pretty old building, or radio station per se. not that it was bad or anything but, it isn’t exactly a place you would like to step into

Going up the stairs, you just saw a really TALL and attractive guy clearing out a few things in the booth. Your guess was that he was also probably new to this and whoever lent him the place didn’t exactly clean up the place.

With whatever courage you had in yourself

Or i guess how much sugar you consumed this morning cause you casually just walked it without contacting the guy

‘Uh... hello?’

HE JUMPED, whatever shit he was holding? Yeah it dropped

Which caused you to jump too, not expecting the huge ass pretty guy to have that big of a reaction

he looked over to you, surprised to see a person in the radio station because um,,, nobody ever goes there except for him

‘Hello to you too??? uhhh, not meaning to be rude or anything but, why are you here? Are you lost?’ He asks, looking extremely concerned

You just shook your head and deadass told him that there was a job offer for another radio show personality, and he looked eveN more concerned

Sorta like a ‘are u fucking serious’ face

‘Oh! Right. That job has been open for about a year now so I didn’t expect anyone to come at all...’

OHHhhHhh????????

Well,,,, i guess you have a better chance of getting the job?

‘Well.... do i get a higher chance of being accepted then for being the first to show up? You ask, unsure if whatever you said made sense, or was even socially acceptable

Imagine going to a job interview being like: ‘so i saw ur job offer, and since i actually showed up, I’m accepted right?’

Babe i dont think it works like that, but let’s continue

Johnny honestly had nothing to say against you though. You were right in a sense that you had no competition since you were the only one that actually came to apply. At the same time, he wanted the quality of the show to still be good even if there was a limited audience

‘Higher chance is indeed right. But tell me, uhh, what’s your name again?’

‘I actually never introduced myself, but it’s _______’

‘I’m Johnny by the way. So _______, why do you want to be a radio show host for Konkuk University?’

you had two ways to answer this question: (1) be blatantly honest that you really need the money, and talking to earn cash seems pretty great in your opinion or (2) repeat whatever the fuck sicheng has told you about the show

And of course, you were going with the first option

‘i honestly need the money because college is a bitch. And also talking and having discussions is a pretty fun and interesting method to get some cash in. Also because my roommate loves your show and why not ruin it for him by including me in it’

Babe

BABE SKDJKSDJKDSJKSDJSKDJKSDJ

Johnny actually wanted to accept you immediately. I mean for starters, he found you pretty adorable marching up to the radio station determined to get the job. And not only that, you were quite the talker, which is something that could spike up the show since it was just always johnny speaking

And also because he was feeling quite lonely but he would never admit that

‘Alright _____, meet me this friday to talk about next week’s segment’

OOFT

And let me tell you, tall boi’s assumptions were right. During your first show together, the two of you decided to talk about the book ‘1984’ by george orwell and although it may sound boring on a superficial level, yOU made it sound pretty interesting and johnny was actually just laughing the entire time

You and johnny just clicked in an instant, and your way of describing things made ‘Night Night’ known by the students

Nobody could ever forget your infamous line about the book: ‘george orwell’s sexual frustration is honestly so transparent in the book; all he needed was to get his dick wet then maybe he wouldn’t have let julia and winston be caught by the thoughtpolice.’

And things like this happened every wednesday. The pattern of your radio show just included you being you, and johnny trying to make shit be on track

The two of you were doing it for a very long time now, and back to toDAY where ya’ll have been doing it for two years, well... it would be a lie to say you hadn’t developed feelings for johnny

of course the man was beautiful and well-built. But his personality and laugh? Yeah sicheng should’ve warned you about that.

He is probably one of the most open-minded person in the world, and he knows a bit about everything, making him so well-rounded. And and and he’s to kind???

If you tell him that you can’t make it to the radio show, he says it’s okay and even gives you snacks the moment you come back and he just makes you so soft in general i—

Meanwhile for johnny, damn is he in love with you

Over the past 2 years, you definitely helped him open up more. With the way you speak along with your galaxy brain, he couldn’t help but fall for you? You were intelligent, you had your own mind, and being friendly and funny in general is something johnny really liked about you

The time when he realised he loves you was when you curled yourself up against the seat while you were discussing about what to talk about next week, and you just fell asleep. He noticed how soft and peaceful you looked, and that he would want to see you like this on a daily basis

Shit this is getting me all soft i wasnt planning on this nsndnsndnd

So yeaHHHHH this week’s segment, you guys were talking about the spanish conquest of mexico and peru woohoooo

AND you were very excited for this because this was one of your (my) favourite topics you learnt during your time in high school

‘OKAY, good evening everyone I am ______D,’

‘And I am JohnD, and welcome to’

‘Night Night. Oof, we’re getting better at our introductions aren’t we JohnD?’

‘Nope, you just learned how to say it without cringing’

‘Touché’ and ya’ll began your discussion. And things actually got pretty interesting.

‘So _____ you’re telling me that it was Cortes’ leadership that allowed the Spanish to successfully take over Mexico?’ He asks you in disbelief.

‘No you tall dumbfuck, it’s one of the attributes that led them to succeed. Both Cortes and Pizarro had disease on their side and better weapons, so of course they’d win. I just wanted to include leadership as i don’t know, to see the defeat of the aztecs from a new lens?’ You respond, deadass looking at johnny in the eye

‘Well, i don’t think i can argue with that, mainly because i am too scared too. That is it for today, but before we end this, i would like to add one more thing.’ Johnny says, which took you by surprise

huHhh?

You looked confused, in fact, you were confused.

What the fuck was going on?

‘This academic year is ending, and this so happens to be my last year here at Konkuk University...’

Oh shit

Your eyes softened at his words, just realising now that johnny was two years older than you, and yeah, he’s graduating this year

‘... this year has honestly been one of the greatest years here at Konkuk, but for me, I think of my my most memorable memories here was when ______D entered the station and giving me a huge fright’

You laughed a little, remembering how much you scared the man

‘Taking this opportunity, ______D, I want to ask you something’

Shit

BRUHHHHHHHHH

‘I just want to congratulate you and thank you for joining “Night Night.” You made the show livelier and massively increased the viewer rate with that big brain of yours—‘

‘I prefer the term galaxy brain’

‘—yes, galaxy brain. I hope that you can continue this radio show, and maybe recruit someone else while i’m out in the world of disgusting adults. So yes, thank you ______. And because we won’t be colleagues in a bit, will you be my girl/boyfriend?’

You were initially teary eyed, buT yEET those tears out biTCH what????

You wanted to say yes, bUt how?????

Do you just nod at him and go ‘ye,’ or do you like, confess?

You felt weird in the stomach. Not that you can exactly do 459343948 cartwheels in one go, but that’s exactly what your stomach was doing. If you were to speak, you could have vomited.

Idk what happened to you, but you took off your headphones, and went to the tall boy and just hugged the shit out of him cause umm,,,, SAME????

And johnny wasn’t sure what that exactly meant so he just hugged you back, bringing you to his lap and holding you tight against him cause honestly, when will he be able to do this to a person he genuinely loves

There was a moment of silence of you two just holding each other, until you realised you were still live with lord knows how many people were listening.

‘U-um, yeah Johnny, I w-will gladly be yours—‘

‘_____ I love you’

OKAY RETRIEVE THOSE TEARS BISH YOU CRYING NOW TF

You sorta just placed your head on the crook of his neck, quietly whispering to him

‘I can’t believe I love your tall ass too...’

‘SHE SAID SHE LOVES ME TOO!’

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punkscowardschampions · 3 years

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Ronnie & Joe

Ronnie: [is gonna rock up late despite literally living with Charlie so enjoy the entrance everybody]

Joe: [when you weren’t invited but still gonna show up like you have somewhere better to be, love that for you, the effort we’ve not gone to because we live here so it’s kinda okay but not really Joseph, also I imagine kinda shook she ended up showing]

Ronnie: [likewise in the sense that she dresses the same everywhere she goes unless it’s a job interview or court appearance lol but we know she looks good if you’re Joseph and into it, I imagine her zoning in on Jamie immediately like who the fuck is this and then oh I’ve heard nothing about you kinda energy soz gal]

Joe: [rude but not untrue in this case, at least Charlie can make it seem like you’re joking and Joe can go get you a drink like soz this is all we have energy ‘cos in jokes]

Ronnie: [I highly doubt they have enough seats around that table so I also imagine her dragging up something to sit on like yeah I’m here to stay bitches and drinking Joe’s drink while he’s gone as a throwback to when she did when they met at that gig and cos we’re obvs claiming him LOL]

Joe: [we know the food is gonna be studenty anyway so having smaller portions won’t kill any of us lmao, just dying at how shocked Sophie is having to conceal she is, host on queen, boring boyfriend having no opinions of course]

Ronnie: [don’t worry gal depending how much of a jealous rage we get into we probably won’t be eating it so you’ll still have brownies left, her face would be iconic and I totally picture Marc on his phone the entire time because Paul used to do that when he was with Trace]

Joe: [giving nothing to this bizarre situation, too real, Charlie and Sophie holding this together, soz guys, Joe jus amused af, do we sit opposite or next to hmm]

Ronnie: [read that as soz gays, ILY mum & dad, I think he needs to sit opposite Jamie so that she can accuse them of eye fucking each other or whatever so probably next to]

Joe: [okay yes gather ‘round everyone]

Ronnie: she lives here

Joe: yeah I told you, Silent Bob’s gf

Ronnie: you said he had a bitch not shes been chained to the radiator since youse lot moved in

Joe: maybe that’s his secret

Ronnie: whens he letting you have your go

Joe: got my own radiator you can have a go on when this is over

Joe: not to brag or nothing

Ronnie: wont be over til the fat flatmate sings & the other one sucking you off while her & mariah duet and the boyfriend pretends he aint watching youse instead is fuck all to brag about

Joe: be lucky if it got close to that level of mildly interesting

Joe: where are you in all this then

Ronnie: under the sink looking for drain cleaner or whatever else i can drink

Joe: why do you get to have all the fun?

Ronnie: i dont waste my time asking bullshit questions

Joe: how are we gonna waste our time

Ronnie: im gonna kill your shared girlfriend & youre gonna cry about it

Joe: I don’t think I am

Joe: no amount of tragedy is gonna breakthrough the chemical fog

Ronnie: you would if you could

Joe: [🙄 at her]

Ronnie: [tips however much is left of her drink into his lap not at all accidentally but we know Charlie and Soph will pretend it was]

Joe: [whip them off to go get changed boy]

Ronnie: [when you wanna follow him but you just gotta glare instead]

Joe: [probably taking whatever we’ve got in to make this go easier, ‘scuse us, so much missing out]

Ronnie: [you know she turned up already on something so do what you gotta do Joseph]

Joe: [Jamie should be talking to you about uni things thus alienating everyone else a lil ‘cos that is a bit rude and will annoy you gal]

Ronnie: [fully just opening up a wound over here literally cos she was already jealous but did not realise they had this much shit in common or anything in common actually so we’re just livid and bleeding]

Joe: [Sophie just running with the kitchen roll like omg do we have bandages guys like oh babe you truly only mean well, Charlie just giving the can you not looks of it all, Joe just jealous because we’ve obviously got our long sleeves]

Ronnie: [a spoken out loud fuck you at everyone but mainly Joe as we go to the bathroom to not deal with this but instead evoke the energy of when Mae downed that mouthwash because she definitely would and also go through the cabinets for anything sharp obvs]

Joe: [at least you can go under the guise of checking on her but really you’re just seeing what she’s doing]

Ronnie: [1000% have not locked the door because we wanted him to follow us but that won’t stop her telling him to get out because walking contradiction forever]

Joe: [locks it behind him in response]

Ronnie: [the most intense glare in response because could not be more livid rn]

Joe: [grabbing wherever the wound is like we’re gonna kiss it better or something like Soph for a casual bit of blood drinking]

Ronnie: [obviously have to push him away really hard because we’re obviously really into it and excuse you boy we’re trying to be angry and hate you, soz to all the flatmates when you hear that crashing about]

Joe: [lmao this tiny bathroom getting destroyed, steady yourself and her despite that clearly not being what she wants right now, roll up a sleeve ‘you never did the X’]

Ronnie: [the glorious visual of trying to get past him to leave/push him away again at the same time in a small space so you just end up pressed up against each other and the door making eye contact and it’s hot af ‘you never took me anywhere’]

Joe: [‘so let me’ do you mean let’s get out of here or in a saucy way either or you skinny as hell girl so if you not really trying to leave it’s easy not to let you]

Ronnie: [‘she’ll let you’ because we’re not just dropping this even if we want to]

Joe: [‘who?’ like an oblivious boy ‘cos clearly not where our head is]

Ronnie: [a really vicious read of Jamie based on what we’re learned this evening that I’m not gonna do because I am not that mean but it’s obvious it’s her and not Sophie we’re talking about, hope you don’t hear us gal]

Joe: [‘I’m not interested’ in every sense right now ‘and you know that, stop pissing about’]

Ronnie: [‘wasn’t any other cunt round the table hanging on her every fucking word, I know that’ because that was blatant Jamie]

Joe: [‘I can’t help it that her fella’s an accountant’ what do you do Marc, do any of us know lol, shrugs ‘we go to the same school, that’s it’ and a look like whatever the fuck this is is clearly more]

Ronnie: [she would wanna lol but we can’t because still mad ‘that’s it?’ not actually a question though more like you better be telling the truth boy ‘why the fuck have you never told me about her then?’]

Joe: [‘I thought I had when I said he had a girlfriend’ not not a lie ‘none of them are what I want to talk about, that’s it’]

Ronnie: [‘you were thinking with this’ grabbing his dick when we say so ‘that’s it’ cos even if that was true Joseph we shade the rest of the flatmates often and you know damn well we love doing it]

Joe: [shakes head even though we are very clearly into that ‘she’s no Soph’ like it wouldn’t be as funny soz]

Ronnie: [‘is right’ like yeah I know you actually seriously wanna get with her, and moving away but not to leave but to pick back up whatever implement we were gonna hurt ourselves with before he came in but didn’t get chance to because we’re genuinely upset]

Joe: [literally putting ourselves in front of it like no ‘Ronnie’ like I don’t know how you’re going to even put it into words boy so it’s mainly a !!! look]

Ronnie: [a look that starts out like don’t try and stop me/fuck you but turns into !! when his does like say something/do something if you mean it]

Joe: [got to go in and kiss you whilst making her push whatever she was gonna use on herself into him, now or never, enjoy the tension finally getting released]

Ronnie: [obviously we’re kissing you back so we all know what’s gonna happen next lol, soz flatmates I really hope you can’t hear anything, especially Charlie cos you actually know they’re related]

Joe: [it is not a big flat so keep quiet, just think he’s comforting her for all this time or what, god bless]

Ronnie: [she would be trying to keep quiet but not for y’all more so he thinks she’s unimpressed/not that into it but that would literally last all of a second because she’s obviously very into it]

Joe: [the levels you aren’t gonna wanna go back in but can’t be seen as being romantic lads]

Ronnie: [I could easily have her leave if we want though because it’s a fact that she doesn’t wanna be here and everyone would be relieved except Joseph]

Joe: [that probably makes sense, honestly, and you’ve freaked them all out, as was the point]

Ronnie: [and lbr you’ve freaked yourselves out with how good that hook up was too so]

Joe: [just go hide in your room like you’re very taxed by that in an acceptable way boy]

Ronnie: [god knows where you’re gonna go gal but please don’t OD again like you literally did in Margate no time ago]

Joe: [the headfuckery]

Ronnie: [poor Charlie just like UMMM WTF cos she must look bad even for her rn and we’ve behaved terribly and then literally legged it so]

Joe: [thank god you’re such a natural party go-er so you can make up some excuse to put them all at relative ease but yeah, for sure like excuse me]

Ronnie: [might be fun to do a convo between them when we’re done with this one]

Joe: [I’m down even though I really haven’t used him yet, I’ll give it a go]

Ronnie: [yeah it’s been forever since we did the group chats with them and Bronson and Bea it feels like another life, I can send you the convo we did where she told him she met Joe if you like cos I re-read that the other day and it was pretty good]

Ronnie: [but the real question is who’s gonna break first and start a convo and how long are we leaving it?]

Joe: [please do ‘cos did not realize we’d done that tbh]

Joe: [I could make a case for either of them, him to prove he meant it as he left it last time but her so she can’t automatically be on the ‘it meant nothing’ total defensive hmm]

Joe: [some hours later when the party is over, or could be]

Joe: Charlie was going pub, he’s left here though

Ronnie: [even later because whatever she’s doing she’s messy and can’t reply to the extent that she doesn’t need to because he won’t be expecting her to and yet here we are]

Ronnie: did whitney ask you to pass it on to us cos hes still disappointed like

Joe: couldn’t say

Joe: just letting you know that you’ll have a free gaff for a while longer

Ronnie: where have i chucked the other one for the sake of this free gaff in your mind mckenna

Joe: alright, free rooms better than fuck all

Ronnie: its his emmy oggie i aint there either

Joe: anywhere good?

Ronnie: compared to what

Joe: established it’s no brag compared to tonight

Ronnie: not gonna stop you comparing me & her

Joe: compare to what?

Joe: pleasantries over cocopops

Ronnie: youll be interested in eating her out now youve got what you wanted off me

Ronnie: 9 is easier to carve than an 8 and you wont look like youre trying to copy the infinity sign one of your other exes wouldve got inked on her

Joe: it’s not remotely the fucking same

Joe: if I was arsed about getting my numbers up there’s millions of girls in this city I could hit up before you

Ronnie: yeah youre not related to any of em and theyd have less clue how to shoot up than you do

Joe: even if the related bit was ringing 100% true, you’re the only user in town now?

Joe: you don’t have to pervert it when it already was

Ronnie: youre already romanticising it like a fucking 13 year old so yeah i do cause one of us has to get real

Joe: you reckon I’m so okay with it just because I can admit I wanted it

Joe: who do you reckon you’re lying to like I weren’t there

Ronnie: who do you reckon youre talking to like i didnt fucking leave you there for a reason

Joe: Fuck off

Ronnie: i did

Joe: for someone who reckons they’re so open, you chat so much shit

Ronnie: open to what soft lad infection

Joe: scars and trackmarks on your sleeve

Ronnie: yeah

Joe: you didn’t miss much

Ronnie: no shit you didnt just invite me cause you wanted to fuck me

Ronnie: can do that anywhere

Joe: yeah and you didn’t just wanna come to make Soph cry, like

Ronnie: i owed you

Joe: get it off your to-do list then

Joe: well done

Ronnie: stop crying youll never look as ugly as horse girl doing it or go for as long as her

Joe: you love her, we all 👀

Ronnie: i said shut up

Joe: no, you say something that’s not stupid

Ronnie: what for fucks sake

Ronnie: what did you reckon id say when you started chatting shit like nothing happened

Joe: alright, I don’t know

Joe: it happened, right

Ronnie: you werent hallucinating

Joe: nothing that makes that happen in the bathroom cupboard

Joe: I don’t regret it, I know that

Ronnie: meant to be made up to hear it am i

Joe: nah, probably not

Joe: but you wanted me to talk about it so I am

Ronnie: i wanted you to take the fucking hint when i legged it as soon as

Joe: you could’ve blocked me, so

Joe: pardon me for not taking it that seriously

Ronnie: not your crazy ex & i couldnt deny you your bullshit heroics

Ronnie: mary aint carrying me anywhere and i know how bad you wanna see me turn blue

Joe: you like having a stalker, is what you mean

Ronnie: block me and get your whore flatmate to tell you what she likes about you

Ronnie: weve established i aint got the talent to sing no cunts praises

Joe: we’ve established I’m not interested in that

Ronnie: cause you want me to tell you how smart you are at fucking me instead of beat the shit out of you

Ronnie: it wont last

Joe: familys forever, sis

Ronnie: not to your ma baby

Ronnie: did i look enough like her for you

Joe: what do you reckon

Joe: your theory, not mine

Ronnie: mustve youve still not fucked off

Joe: you’ve got room for another face tat or two

Ronnie: go do that then

Joe: you can leave out the yes sir

Joe: not my fantasy

Ronnie: no shit like youve been my bitch since you hit send on facebook

Joe: 😂

Joe: I’ve been worse

Ronnie: you trying to turn me on or what its a bit late for it

Joe: just the once, alright

Joe: bit cliche but probably for the best considering

Joe: very sensible of you

Ronnie: cliche that my da didnt stick around long enough for his side of the family to properly cut or sew me up so ive gotta regret not getting chance to put a razor blade inside me before you 💔

Ronnie: now youre gonna reckon i care youve said the once ll do when i just hate you & hate how you fuck even more

Joe: Could’ve said it was about as much fun as

Joe: it’s alright

Joe: both confused, clearly

Ronnie: youre not confused youre fucking smug

Joe: hardly another achievement for the fridge door

Joe: what’s to be smug about

Ronnie: probably for the best i dont answer that if thats how you feel

Joe: come on

Joe: aside from proving you were full of shit about not wanting to as well

Ronnie: fuck you

Joe: you don’t want me to say how I really feel

Ronnie: making me cum earlier dont mean you know what i want now

Joe: right, you want me to declare my love so you get more out of telling me to fuck off, that’s more like it

Ronnie: do i fuck

Joe: then what do you want

Ronnie: like you give the slightest shit

Joe: I do too

Ronnie: no you dont

Joe: I fucking do

Joe: [prove it in a way only y’all would, carve her name or something]

Ronnie: [send him your own pics of the bite marks you’re covered in which is a self harming thing you’ve not done since you were a kid because it’s been a headfuck every second since you two met and we’re not coping honey]

Joe: you hungry?

Joe: you didn’t eat fuck all, I mean

Joe: could get something not dubiously prepared by Soph

Ronnie: hungry as you are funny

Joe: I weren’t trying to be

Joe: on the spectrum, or whatever you said

Ronnie: you wish you had the excuse or the musical prodigy status

Joe: 💔 about that genuinely

Joe: just a dickhead

Ronnie: yeah

Joe: I don’t know what to say

Joe: there’s no point saying I’m sorry

Ronnie: no point is right youre not sorry

Joe: nah

Joe: it’d be lovely for you if I’d found you and you were fine

Joe: but like you said, it ain’t about me or her, it’s about loads of shit and you clearly weren’t so

Joe: just seems pointless

Ronnie: im made up you finally got your head round it

Joe: Yeah well, I didn’t tell you I was a good person

Joe: don’t mean I don’t give no fucks, just ‘cos I ain’t trying to save you

Ronnie: you keep telling me you aint like it matters to me who you are

Joe: yeah, it doesn’t in why you’re fucked

Joe: but what do you want from me

Ronnie: its your fucking fault im like this climbing the walls same as when i was a kid

Joe: yeah ‘cos you were doing really great before weren’t ya

Ronnie: all you give a fuck about is letting yourself off the fucking hook

Joe: Blame me then what does it change

Joe: do something about it other than fucking yourself up, I don’t care

Ronnie: stop lying that youre bothered if your only answer to me losing my mind is that i was before

Joe: I can’t help you

Joe: If you thought I could, though why the fuck you would

Joe: then I am sorry

Ronnie: 💔🖕

Joe: I’ve got my own problems

Joe: if I had any solutions, I’d light ‘em up and shoot them into myself first, naturally

Ronnie: youve got a solution i gave it to you

Ronnie: why the fuck would you make me feel something

Joe: Selfishness

Joe: pure and simple

Ronnie: on your way to a grown up habit im dead proud

Joe: what more could I want

Ronnie: that to scab over seeing as youve finally admitted its bullshit

Joe: I still think about you constantly

Joe: I still want to know everything about you

Joe: I’d rot with you

Ronnie: youve got your own problems to think about

Joe: yeah, and that’s hell

Joe: I’ve done plenty of that

Ronnie: yeah and youve got your escape

Joe: take yours

Joe: can have plan bs and cs even if a is the best

Ronnie: youre the kid who tells the rest to jump off a bridge

Ronnie: cute

Joe: you’re implying I wouldn’t and all

Ronnie: i dont give a shit what you do but i aint giving you the satisfaction of being the last fuck i ever had

Ronnie: youd cling to life long enough to write a pathetic song about it

Joe: that’s the nicest thing you’ve said

Joe: which is saying something ‘cos you’re so sweet, like

Ronnie: youre welcome

Joe: I’ll do a Dylan style ballad about all your 👼🏼 deeds

Ronnie: thats the biggest turn off out of everything youve ever said or done

Joe: thank god, you’re insatiable 😏

Ronnie: once you said

Joe: not for my benefit

Ronnie: its all only for your benefit remember

Joe: if that were true you’d still be here

Ronnie: if it was true i could be

Joe: come back

Ronnie: cant ive got a face tat to get done

Joe: I understand

Joe: my art isn’t there yet

Joe: won’t ruin your beauty

Ronnie: go ed and chuck yourself off a bridge you dont have to wait for me to boot your door in & do you in for chatting shit

Joe: well I am already devvo I’m not a prodigy so yeah, add lack of a steady hand to the list of failures

Joe: probably the meds

Joe: you know being poetic is all I do, why have we downgraded it to chatting shit 💔

Ronnie: why are you calling me beautiful when you could write it in your suicide note for your ma theres your downgrade

Joe: you’re too romantic for your own good

Joe: I wouldn’t be writing a note, sorry to dash your illusions

Ronnie: not me saying i get you mckenna thats your delusion

Ronnie: what are you gonna draw on me then

Joe: you do but it’s more fun to take the piss and pretend you don’t so

Joe: That is the question

Joe: won’t brand you, don’t worry

Ronnie: if i dont want it ill cut it out no pressure

Joe: it’s just skin right

Ronnie: yeah

Joe: how olds your oldest scar

Ronnie: older than you

Joe: what did you do

Ronnie: i used to take headbanging literally

Joe: ah, the floor never saw you coming, yeah

Joe: I have a head scar too [cos he either does or did on the stalker show idk but there we go with a photo like she probably knows hun]

Ronnie: [I just imagine her smiling to herself like yeah I know nerd]

Ronnie: cant both be poets had to express myself somehow before i pushed a safety pin through my cheek

Joe: that explains the permanent 😾

Joe: fucked the muscles, like

Ronnie: your shit jokes do

Joe: it was always easier to just start fights to get hurt

Joe: when I was a kid

Joe: though you work out ways to be sneaky fast, if you have to

Ronnie: they didnt wanna fight me

Joe: everyday sexism strikes again

Ronnie: fuck off not cos im a girl

Joe: why then

Ronnie: wouldnt be me getting hurt and if i was i didnt care

Ronnie: all those mental problems you told that call centre cunt about like

Joe: ‘course you were too proud to make it count

Joe: have to let them get some punches in or there was no point, yeah

Ronnie: no point in fitz flouncing in either fun though

Joe: true

Joe: I’ve got a brother and all, I remember what it’s like

Ronnie: scraps never went far enough

Joe: yeah

Joe: most kids aren’t that psycho

Ronnie: 💔

Joe: being misunderstood served me so well for the whole musician thing so whatever, I guess

Ronnie: i mightve bothered keeping some of my bastards about if they were guaranteed nutters thatd serve you well

Joe: you’d get your own room then, like

Joe: even if you had to pack them to the rafters

Ronnie: for a stalker youre dead concerned about my privacy

Joe: nah, ‘course not

Joe: I’d rather have a place to do the gear without the possibility of Soph or Charlie 🥺ing at us obvs, nothing but selfishness

Ronnie: theres loads of places

Joe: you can show me

Ronnie: is she there now she can let me in

Joe: no idea

Joe: their room is near the door, makes sense they’d be your first victims

Ronnie: youre too selfish to get off your arse and do it

Joe: if you’re coming I’ll carry you in myself, you know that

Ronnie: ill be there and youll still be going on about what youre gonna do

Ronnie: no wonder the other kids kept smacking you

Joe: yeah, all mouth me, deffo what I was known for

Joe: not a euphemism and I don’t think they were wishing it was but who knows

Ronnie: you sure you dont want charlie giving you the eye

Ronnie: how it sounds

Joe: I’m alright, tah

Joe: pretty sure he’s over it now I’m enabling you

Ronnie: hes over everything thats not horse girls from kent but reckons the fucking lost causes are us

Joe: He clearly just gives a shit about appearances

Joe: looking nice, polite

Joe: they’ll never speak again, like

Ronnie: forget him

Ronnie: open the door

Joe: [do that boy]

Ronnie: [boop his little head scar as you come in like oh there it is]

Joe: [‘s’not even a good story’ and producing some takeaway moment from the kitchen as you go through ‘cos the dinner party was not heavy on the dinner bit]

Ronnie: [a look like ffs because people caring in any way ew no but we are gonna eat it because probably haven't since that Margate moment]

Joe: [shrugging like bitch I’m hungry as we tuck in, obviously]

Ronnie: [kick him while you've still got your big boots on but playfully not aggressively]

Joe: [😏 but in a more genuine way than that cocky face looks, I am vibing Chinese not that that matters but there we go]

Ronnie: [weirdly I also thought that maybe because it's one of the grossest haha but yeah eat your food lads]

Joe: [greasy greasy goodness, love the subtle shade if any of them come out for a cuppa or whatever like oh hello again lol]

Ronnie: [I hope it's oblivious Marc just living his life]

Joe: [that’d be most amusing, unbothered, casually]

Ronnie: [I just imagine them doing stuff to try and make him notice like when people stack stuff on a sleeping person but idk what you could do in that little kitchen]

Joe: [for sure, just being subtly annoying/weird and he is just like does not compute ‘cos we mind our own business, so childish]

Ronnie: [love that for you two]

Joe: [we stan the regression for you]

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omoi-no-hoka · 5 years

Text

My Experience Working in Japan

Fear not--it’s not all gloom and doom.

Today I thought I’d talk a bit about what it’s been like working in Japan for half a decade. I imagine that my experience is probably different from someone who lives in a more metropolitan area like Tokyo.

Why did you choose Hokkaido?

Hokkaido is the northernmost island/prefecture of Japan. It’s the biggest prefecture and plays a huge role in Japan’s agriculture. Since it’s a separate island from Honshu (the island with Tokyo, Osaka, Kyoto, and pretty much everywhere else of note), not too many foreigners choose to live here. However, there is a small but ever-growing community of winter sports lovers who move here long-term.

I studied abroad in Hokkaido when I was in uni and fell in love with it. What can I say? I grew up on a farm in a county that had a grand total of three traffic lights, and I just hate the hustle and bustle and endless concrete of big cities. I’d go crazy if I had to live somewhere like Tokyo. I need to see green, I need to hear birds instead of sirens.

What was your first job, and how did you get it?

I knew by about my third or fourth year of uni that I wanted to go to Japan for a while, so I double majored in the two areas that I knew would help get me a decent job there: Japanese, and English with a focus on linguistics, second language acquisition, and English as a Second Language (ESL). I also obtained a CELTA (Certificate in Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages) from Cambridge. There are many different TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language) certificates out there, but the CELTA is the most esteemed and recognized worldwide, so that was what I got.

I ended up looking for teaching jobs in Sapporo, even though it was a much bigger city than I wanted to live in. It has a population of 2 million, and the city I had my eyes on was less than 1/4 of Sapporo’s size. But I couldn’t find any teaching jobs in the smaller city. The job-hunting was difficult, because unless you have a spousal visa or something, the employer has to be able to sponsor a work visa. But sponsoring work visas is very expensive for the company, so many smaller businesses can’t give you a work visa.

There are many 英会話 (Eikaiwa) English Conversation schools in Japan. Basically, the entire English education curriculum and its implementation in Japanese public schools is...atrocious. Absolutely worthless. The vast majority of students study English for all 6 years of middle and high school and can’t have a simple conversation by the end of it, though they can read and write it somewhat decently. So the Eikaiwa industry was born, and these schools promise parents that their children can have native-like pronunciation and get jobs in fields where English is necessary if they pay outrageous costs for weekly 50-minute lessons.

There are many big-name Eikaiwas in operation throughout the country, but many of these are so-called ブラック企業 (black kigyou, a.k.a. black businesses) which means that they commit various labor law violations. Most foreigners they hire don’t speak Japanese and aren’t aware of their legal rights, or what they can do when they are violated. A quick google search will show you tons of horror stories from foreigners hired by eikaiwas who didn’t receive pay, were screamed at for calling in sick to work, etc. Basically, most corporate eikaiwas don’t care who is teaching the kids, as long as they are white. You are a piece of meat to them.

So I avoided all the big-name places and found a small, privately owned Eikaiwa in Sapporo, run by a fellow foreigner. I had a skype interview with her from my living room in America, she hired me, and I moved to Sapporo. I worked there for three years. Despite having a fellow ex-pat as a boss, I was still subjected to the mistreatment of the corporate eikaiwas. No matter how sick I was, despite the fact that we were forbidden from wearing masks (kids need to see our mouths for pronunciation), and despite the fact that I was constantly around infants, I was ordered to “take an aspirin and get to work.” I was under the impression I was enrolled in the Japanese pension, but after two years of working there I learned that we were not, in fact, enrolled in the pension. This is illegal, and I was forced to pay about $4,000 USD in backpay to the pension. My employers refused to provide assistance paying this even though by law the employer is required to pay 50% of an employee’s pension.

So yeah. Not too fun really. The kids were really cute, though, and I didn’t hate teaching English. But after 3 years, I was ready to move on.

What’s your current job, and how did you get it?

The three years I worked at the Eikaiwa, I studied Japanese at least one hour every night, and at least 8-10 hours on the weekends. I had the conversation and grammar down, but my kanji and vocabulary was lacking so all I did was read, read, read. Thanks to that, I passed the JLPT N1 and my Japanese reached a level that I could survive in a Japanese workplace.

Fed up with my current job and jaded of teaching, I looked for translation jobs in companies in Hokkaido. But there were absolutely zilch. I realized that (in Hokkaido), there were no jobs for foreigners other than teaching English. The situation was so hopeless that I actually looked for jobs back in the United States and applied for a couple. Moving back home after only 3 years of living abroad felt like defeat and I didn’t want to leave Japan, but I just couldn’t take the eikaiwa industry anymore, and I knew that I would only spiral further into depression in a metropolis like Tokyo.

In June of 2017, I sent out some applications and applied to headhunting agencies in America. And in August, a friend here in Hokkaido called me with some incredible news. A student of hers was working as a temp translator for a company in the city I had originally wanted to live in. He needed a replacement, and would I be interested?

I couldn’t believe it. Translation was my dream job, and it was in my dream city. I immediately called to find out more, and I looked up how to make a Japanese resume. Did you know that resumes are printed on A3 paper and hand written?! Good lord, I spent about 9 hours writing and re-writing it because I don’t have good handwriting in Japanese. I went in for an interview. They said they would match the pay of my current job and then some, that I would have business trips to Tokyo, that there was a very likely chance I would get to see other parts of Japan due to this job, that I would be able to build experience in multiple fields at once, that they would give me all the benefits that they are legally obligated to give (lol), and they would let me go home to America for extended periods as long as I took my work laptop and didn’t mind doing a bit of work while I was there. It was everything I dreamed of, so of course I accepted the position.

And the cherry on top? The guy who gave me the interview had a very unusual last name, which I’ll say is K___. At the end of the interview, he asked, “By the way, do you know anyone else named K___?”

Me: “Well, actually I do have a student whose last name is K___.”

And he smiles and says, “Yeah, that’s my daughter.”

In a city of 2 million people, about 700 children aged 0-18 were enrolled in my Eikaiwa. Out of those 700, I taught about 120. And out of all of those kids, one of them turned out to be the daughter of the man who gave me my interview and would become my boss! WHAT ARE THE CHANCES?! It still blows my mind to think about.

Later, after I was hired and we went for drinks after work, he told me that the moment he had seen my resume and the name of the Eikaiwa, he had gone to his daughter and asked, “Hey, do you know omoi-no-hoka-sensei? What’s she like?” His daughter said a bunch of really nice things about me, and he decided that if his daughter liked me, then I must be a good addition to the company. Before the interview he had already decided to hire me.

It just goes to show that you should always be your best because you never know who’s watching!

So yeah, I quit my job at the eikaiwa, moved to my dream city, and started my dream job two years ago. My coworkers are all really, really nice. My bosses are all great. I’m the only person in my whole office that speaks English though, so sometimes I get a bit lonely in that regard. But because I’m the only one who speaks English and this is a global company with headquarters in America, I get asked to do a bunch of miscellaneous tasks, so I’m never bored! Sometimes this means I have a lot of overtime, though. It’s not uncommon to have a 12 hour work-day. But in my downtime between translation requests, I make most of these Tumblr posts.

#about me #life in japan #expat #expatlife #japan #nihon #langblr #studyblr #work #teaching #esl

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tolkien-in-beleriand · 4 years

Text

so a number of people is curious about PhD here in Brazil and as I have nothing else I want to do right now let me tell you about it

I’ll talk about the two processes I went through for my PhD (masters is kinda the same but a bit simpler)

as I already told you here in Brazil the best universities are free, it’s kinda hard to get in but if you do you have the best education available in the country and chances are you will get some kind of scholarship. in my case as I am poor as hell I had a scholarship since first year of grad school and also a place to live. yes, I was paid to live in a nice city away from my abusive family and to study in the best program of my field in Brazil

then came the masters in which I also had a scholarship

and then the nightmare begins

see as part of my scholarship I had to finish my masters in two years. what does it mean? it means that in my second year I was writing my masters dissertation, finishing papers, preparing for qualification, then argumentation, writing my PhD project and preparing for the PhD tests

and of course as you probably know by now I love complicating things so I applied for two PhDs programs. why? only God knows, but I did. now each university has its own way to deal with PhDs applications so I’ll tell you about the two kinds of tests I had to go through

first my home university:

first you write a project. 20 pages. must have: abstract, key words, title, introduction, methodology, cronogram of activities, bibliographic references. it must present a certain novelty in the idea, they want something new, a thesis (that I will later prove right or wrong in 200 to 300 pages). my thesis was basically “Fantasy is a literature genre and it IS NOT the same as fantastic literature (don’t get me started - I wrote a PhD thesis about it but I’m still bitter)”

you need to hand this project in September. then in October is the written test. in our field the written test (in this particular university, as I said it varies) is: they pick a literary topic, that is a surprise only reveled to us mortals the day and hour of the test, and we have four hours to write an essay about it, in a room like an exam, no researches allowed. the topic in my year was History and Literature. then they grade the essay 0-10 and you need at least a 7 to go to next phase.

fine, now the few people who got the 7 go to phase “analyzing the project”. you get a grade on that too. and you need a 7 to pass as well.

then if you are lucky enough to have your project accepted you go to phase “interview” when a board will make all kinds of questions about your study, project, plans, you know... to make sure you were the one who wrote the thing and know what you’re talking about (I just need to mention here that at my interview they said my project was perfect and made 0 questions because, and I quote, “we know your trajetory and we know what you are capable of and no one else studies Fantasy Literature here”)

then they grade the interview. if you didn’t get at least a 7 bye bye bird, it doesn’t matter if your project was perfect and you aced the written test, it’s goodbye

after this they add all the scores and divide by something and if your final score is below 7, that’s goodbye too.

then you need to do the language test because oh yes YOU DO NEED TO KNOW TWO FOREIGN LANGUAGES to be accepted in any PhD program here.

and that’s it for my first application. I passed first place. usually the good programs gets scholarships and our program was very good so we had like six scholarships every year for sure and then maybe more. they give the scholarships according to the final score so yep I got it

but... when I traveled for my second PhD application I still didn’t have any of my scores, I didn’t even know if I had passed the written test and let me tell you I was desperate and honest to God terrified I wouldn’t pass

anyway, now process number two:

they make things quite different there and they are way more demanding so I was just really terrifie that I would end the year with a crappy masters and no PhD perspective.

first test they do is the language one, a translation and ooooh boi do I hate translating stuff. but it was okay, I wasn’t worried about that part. the system there was very different. while at my home university the process was spread through months, here you had three days of tests and if you failed the first day you are not even invited for the next day. again, you need 7 to pass.

so first day: language test, 52 people applying. 20 passed for day two, me included.

second day, written test. I knew they had a different style from my home university but I was not prepared for that. they gave you 10 questions, all about literature. you had to pick five and answer. so you kinda had to write 5 mini essays on 5 different topics and the questions were like “in the page 25 of the essay Memory in Baudelaire by Walter Benjamin the author express a view on how experience play a central part in the story of the narrative genre. comment on that.”

one of them was to “comment on” the trajetory of the novel as a genre. I read the 10 questions then I started laughing. then I noticed the Professor in the class was the one I wanted as my supervisor there (she is like a big deal in Fantasy studies), the one who, in two months, would be in the board of my masters argumentation. I started crying. so much. I had to be escorted to the bathroom to “calm down”. well, I thought, it’s over, I better not even come back to the exam room and save me the embarrassment of looking the Professor in the eyes. but I couldn’t do that. I had to at least convince myself that I did everything I could. so I went back and started answering the ones I thought I had a shot at. we had four hours too and after doing my darnest to answer 4 questions I wanted to die before having to answer one more. so I chose the novel one because, you know it’s not that hard to trace a genealogy of the novel as a genre. but I was so tired. so incrediby tired and I thought I won’t pass anyway so I might as well have some fun. and friends, what did I do? I wrote a mini novel where my protagonist was the novel “living” through all its phases. I can’t remember a word of that but I did it.

when I was back to the hotel I started crying so much and felt so guilty, I was sure I would fail both programs. next morning the result would be on campus and honestly I only went there because I had spent too much money to just ignore the result, I would never have peace if I didn’t check. but I was really really sure I didn’t pass so I checked out the hotel, got into a taxi, asked him to take me to campus for two minutes, so I could check a thing, and then he could take me to the station

ooooh I have no words to describe my happiness when I looked to a list of FIVE names who had got through to the next phase and my name was there.

I still can’t believe it and until this day I wonder what kind of crap did people write because they considered my “novel is a protagonist of a novel” answer over other 15????

anyway so I was happy but fucked because I had checked out the hotel so I had no place to go and the interview would be only at 5pm so there I was full of bags wandering around the campus waiting for my interview.

interview time: board with two fucking specialists in the Fantasy field and an ass who thinks she is above this. I was very nervous, they asked a bunch of questions about my project (oh yeah I forgot to say you had to hand a project like in the other uni and it is considered part of your application as well) and then... last question... from the ass “why do you consider fantasy as literature” I froze, the other two smiled (they knew my reputation). I want to murder that woman. why do I consider fantasy as literature? WHY?? son of a motherfucking bitch. so I smile*** and ask “what do you study?” she answers “Goethe” with an air of superiority. I say “oh I love Goethe, he is magnificent and the way he.... bla bla bla” I was just showing off. then I say “now think about why you consider Goethe literature. that’s your answer.” I want to say that if I had a mic I would drop it but nah... if I had a mic I would probably make that bitch eat it.

they didn’t have score there, you only passed or failed. I passed. one of five. from 52. I got a scholarship there too, but I decided to stay home. my supervisor at my uni was amazing and a wonderful person and so so smart and funny and he is in a band and is super cool and nerdy, also one of my best friends and one of the most successful translators in Brazil

so yes. this is two of the possibles processes you can go through to get in a top PhD program. and that friends is the easy part. seriously, masters and doctorates are exhausting and it breaks you. neurotypicals get mental illnesses because of it and honest to God I don’t know how I managed it. neither does my doctors. no, actually I know. it was spite.

*** funny story: because of an incident in my masters interview, before my PhDs interviews my supervisor called me to “teach me how to interact with stupid people”. he basically told me I was not supposed to laugh at a stupid question, I was not supposed to death stare the board after a stupid question and, of course, I was not allowed to get up and leave. because I did all that in my masters interview and almost didn’t get into the program. then he made me pretend he was the board talking shit and I had to smile and take notes. his words “it doesn’t matter if you are writing a curse and planning that person’s murder, smile and take notes.”

in my defence I did all that because in my masters interview a Professor asked me if I knew that Tolkien was an author who died in the 70s and that The Lord of the Rings wasn’t just a movie. after I laughed and asked if she was joking she got mad and then I tried to explain that yes, I did in fact know that John Ronald Reuel Tolkien, born in January 3rd, 1892 and dead in September, 2nd, 1973, was an author and wrote the book called The Lord of the Rings who inspired Peter Jackson’s trilogy. then I pointed out that my study had nothing to do with The Lord of the Rings, book or movie. I was in fact studying Tolkien’s essay “On Fairy Stories” and how critics point out The Lord of the Rings as the base of moderny fantasy without noting that Tolkien himself wrote the theory I consider the foundation of fantasy as a genre. then she said “that was done before” and I said “no it wasn’t, surprisingly enough people never came to this conclusion until now” and she looked me in the eyes and asked “are you sure? did you do a deep and careful research on the matter?” and I said “yes I did” and I swear to God she asked “did you try google it?”

yep I just got up and left. did I try google??? are you fucking serious? yes I did, when I wasn’t even at the uni yet you moron. google. can you believe it? I was reading papers from Oxford and Cambridge and this ass ask me if I used google.

I had a very bad score at my masters interview but my supervisor loved it anyway.

so that’s it. I hope it helps to have an idea how things work around here.

#phdblr #phd #masters #academic life #long post #very loooong post

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sleepyducktime · 5 years

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Young Carer rant time

So like, I've been feeling a bit off emotionally lately and I know, this happens to everyone and we all have problems with our family. The thing is though I've been thinking and I never actually realized how many of my problems come with being a young carer. Or more specifically the situation that creates. (Disclaimer this is just my personal experiences as a carer in a UK city. I'm not claiming it's like this everywhere but hey, for all I know it might be.) ((This got quite long, just a heads up))

For anyone who doesn't know, a young carer is, as the name suggests, a young person who cares for someone - usually a family member such as a parent sibling or someone else close to them. This person does not have to be related, does not have to live in the same house, you do not have to be the only person looking after this person to be classed as a carer and whether or not you're a carer now, that can change with time. (There is, I'm sure, a difference between caring for someone often and when someone has, a cold for example, but I'm not an expert and I'm not gonna say who is and isn't a carer.) What I will say though is wow people do not talk about this do they?

For example: did you know that it's estimated 1 in 10 people in the uk are carers? And that the most common statistic used suggests that well over 700,000 of these carers are young people? And I don't mean young adults because that's a whole other group, I mean ages 5-21.

Now that we have the background, here's my actual post.

Hi! I'm a young carer from the uk! I'm one of the very lucky ones! I only had to miss school once or twice, I only really started doing a lot of caring when I was about 12 and I had other people who helped with the caring. That last one is the big one for me for the following reason.

I never considered myself a carer. It was only when my older sister started going to our local group when I was 14 that I had even heard the term. "I'm not a carer! I've seen them on TV, that's kids whose parents can't leave the house and need 24/7 care!". Now I'm not saying this doesn't happen, it's just the same as most things on TV, the extreme version. I eventually went along to this group and ho boy! The things I learned there!

In no particular order!

Caring does not have to be physical. It can be anything from helping someone bathe and dress, to making sure they take their meds, making sure they get to work or school on time or just caring for someone emotionally.

Caring for someone emotionally can often be the hardest part. Looking after someone so close to you and helping them through everything can cause a huge drain on your own energy.

Sometimes, you're caring and you don't even know it. I didn't realise until my late teens that not evey child has to push the trolley for their disabled parent and not everyone has to do all the (literal) heavy lifting because no one else physically can. Not everyone spends their lunch times with only their sister to make sure she leaves the house this week.

That some people might think badly of having to do the above. Because (and this is technically point 5) yes it is 100% ok to resent the situation of being a young carer. It is 100% ok to wish you weren't. But I haven't met a single person who wouldn't do it gladly or who would blame anything about it on the person they care for. The blame is always on a lack of support. (We'll get to that, that's the point I'm making)

That your caring situation can change. Sometimes people, or the situation get better or worse. Sometimes people move in and out of the situation entirely.

Having a support structure is key and can flip your entire life. I personally went to the local Young Carers group. I'm assuming each one is different but in mine we had;

Weekly meetings to chill, go out for food, do fun stuff you might not get a chance for otherwise and have two hours a week with other kids who understand your situation, without having to worry about home life. You could show up and leave whenever you liked no pressure.

Respite. Overnight trips out of the city to experience things you might not usually get. These could range from outdoor activities to spa weekends to a whole week out at sea.

A forum group. Led by the young people, to talk about things from what we want more in weekly groups to putting together speeches we give at parliament.

A support worker who you could talk to 1 on 1 about anything at all. They help with school life and talking to teachers when needed, getting a job, getting into uni, getting professional help with anything needed from mental health to financial support for just about anything. It's all 100% confidential and they do everything they can to help. When possible they will even offer to come along to things like first interviews or appointments and wait outside as moral support.

These are just the things off the top of my head, I'm sure I have loads more but I wasn't actually planning on writing this much!!

Back to the actual post! Most people, grow up, learn to do chores, complain about it and move out. Without other limitations (like money or controlling guardians to name a few) you can enjoy time out with friends, get all your school work done, get a part time job if you want and come home knowing you can rest. As a carer, if you have the time and opportunity to do that, you can spend up to your entire time thinking about what's happening at home. This isn't to say that every carer is always busy but it definitely happens. (I'm almost 19 and only just starting to look for a job because I literally didn't have the time. In a world where people start working at 16 and things like socialising and extracurriculars are so important, its pretty clear how this can be detrimental.) When all of that is done, there isn't a place to rest because home is where the rest of the work starts.

You can spend your entire childhood doing lots of the housework, cooking every meal, doing all the shopping, taking someone to appointments or just whenever they have somewhere to be. These things can add up. Sometimes its making sure they leave the house or take medication, and I've not even mentioned things like helping them get dressed, helping them bathe, making sure the bills are paid or, in some people's cases, acting like a literal parent for a sibling because no one else can. Being the only person who will listen to their physical and or mental issues. (And I would like to remind you here that the carers we are talking about are 5-21.)

When you do get time to yourself, often you just want to sit and do nothing (despite the fact that sometimes, you feel guilty for this.)

The problem is not just having to do all these things. The problem is not being able to talk about it. You can't talk to people in your house about your problems because you might be the one thing holding them together. You can't take a day off because everyone needs food and clean clothes and if you don't do it no one will. You can't talk to school friends about it because what if they don't understand or when you do the response is "oh well I make my own dinner as well it's not that bad". You can't tell any of this to the person you care for because what if they think you blame them? You have to think about whether or not you can go to college or move out because who is going to look after the people you love? And depending on the person or the task, you stop getting thanks, certain stuff is suddenly expected no matter what, and in some cases they might get angry at you for doing it (I know you don't want the curtains and window open but you haven't been outside in days). This is why I said I'm lucky. Not only did I have another person to split the work with, I also didn't start at an exceptionally young age.

Now this isn't meant to be a complaint about being a young carer. Many of the people I know have said it's made them even closer and I definitely agree!! This post is (yes we're finally at the point!! ADHD rambling over!) about the fact that we don't talk about it. I was a young carer to three people and I hadn't even heard of it? It was mentioned once in all my time at school on an A4 poster during carers week (the school didn't even realise one of their students was on the poster.) If I didn't have my group I likely would have dropped out of school, and become severely depressed. I would have missed out on so many different social and cultural activities, I wouldn't have a CV. And I have a relatively average caring job.

The thing is, they can only help so many people. Most young carers will have all these same issues at home, work, school and in their social life and they won't have any help at all. Even if there wasn't a limit on how many kids can join a project due to funds and resources, most young carers don't know about the help available.

Which is why we need to start talking about this more. We need to make it so carers aren't ashamed to tell people. So help is easier to come by and we won't miss out on basic childhood necessities. Because if the majority of carers still struggle a lot with support, we need to ask what's happening to the kids without it.

How can we do this you ask? Simple! Look into local Young Carers groups! Some accept donations (both money and things like books or toys) some do fundraising, just get involved! Check your local education places and youth centres! See if they can raise awareness with posters, talks, including it in lessons. If you don't have a local young carers group, find out why! It might be a lack of funding. Going to local councils and expressing the need for more education and funding can be very helpful when coming from these groups so imagine if other people were to help!

There are over 29,000 young carers in my country. (I'm also not even sure if this statistic includes anyone over 16). The carers projects only manage to help around 2400. That's a lot of children who need help. And a lot of people who need to start talking about it.

#young carers #youth groups #young carer #rant?#rant #kinda #uk #sharing our caring #i didn't even mean to write this much #it was just meant to be a little psa #that being said #i realised i had a lot of feelings #so next time they ask if anyone has anything to say #to convince them to give us funding next year #ima just give them this #long post

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blankdblank · 6 years

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Wanted, Mr Sniffles

deepestfirefun

You are Richard´s roommate as you have just moved into New York and saw an advertisement where someone was looking for a roommate, weirdly enough, it was Richard who let his agent do the scanning of the people who phoned on the number that was under the advertisement. You seemed to have all the qualities that they were looking for, ( had a steady job, was willing to sign a contract where absolute professional confidentiality about your roommate was demanded ) it sounded very odd to you at first but when it was explained that the person who was looking for a roommate, their profession was acting you understood it and signed. The shock of your life when you first were introduced to your roommate, Richard Crispin Armitage.

But it didn´t take long for you two hit it off and became fast friends, although you had a quite the crush on him you keep it to yourself, or so you thought since you had quite forgotten that body language was Richard´s strong suit as he was a bloody actor. So he noticed that but as the perfect gentleman he is, doesn´t say anything, instead he starts to give you these little endearment pet names, gestures, light caresses that should tell you he was alright with the fact that you were falling in love with him as he was falling for you, slowly but steadily. Until one day after you come back home from work, you were upset wanting to cry and just craved for some cuddles and without even thinking what you are doing, you go straight to Richard´s lap snuggling right under his chin and that makes Richard the happiest man on earth at that moment.

- Some self doubts. Add in some bits to add some drama for the pair.

This is just pt 1. :D

Tags -

@himoverflowers, @theincaprincess, @aspiringtranslator, @sweeticedtea, @ggbbhehe4455, @thegreyberet, @patanghill17, @jesgisborne, @curvestrology, @alishlieb, @jogregor, @admirationofarmitage, @fizzyxcustard, @here2have-fun, @c-s-stars, @abiwim, @deepestfirefun

...

Brutal. In one word Richard’s last trip out to film in New Zealand. The first film was wrapped, in a sense, and he was finally home again. The large house sat empty for months with only his relatives to drop by and run the tap, flush a couple toilets, slam a few doors, he really didn’t care. He loved having his privacy but in the months away he truly regretted owning a home of his own, it merely seemed wasteful. A single offer from his agent had come as a timid resolution to his problem however, one he would no doubt at least give a shot to. A roommate, for the most part there was an attached mother in law cottage, will full kitchen, only sharing the main sitting room and the laundry with the main house allowing both parties their privacy. With another event coming up Richard relaxed all he could before having to leave again allowing his agent to handle this.

…

A sharp gasp left you as the second ring on your phone sounded, with furrowed brows you slid the edge of your fingers between your lips in a failed attempt to ease the pain in your finger from its press against the kettle you were moving to an empty burner as a deep croon sounded out. “Hello?”

Without reason you grinned widely brushing your hair behind your ear saying, “Morning. I um, I got your number about the rental ad?”

Unknown to you a grin sounded through the phone as your familiar voice came through the line, “Yes, might I ask your name?”

“Y/n.”

“My name is Troy, I’m actually handling this matter for my client. You wouldn’t mind meeting up for an interview?”

“Um, sure. When would you want to meet up?”

“Are you free today? I’ll be in London for a few hours, we could meet up for a cup? Around noon good?”

“Yes,” your eyes darted to the clock along the wall as your mind reeled to the set of busses and subway stop you would have to take, “Where are we meeting up?”

With numbers traded you finished your tea, showered and filled your purse you shouldered over your loose cardigan swaying around your t shirt and jeans after hopping your way into your worn sneakers instead of forcing your aching feet into even your most comfortable heels. Three busses and a subway stop later you hopped your way up the steps and trotted through the crowds to the café on the corner you entered and claimed a seat in after placing your order at the counter.

Not long after a tall blonde walked through the door with a stern expression on his face looking over the room until he spotted you alone sipping on your tea. One glance over you and your pitifully drooping ponytail you set your mug down to tighten back up to its former high resting spot. As he neared the table your eyes rose to meet his asking cheerfully, “Troy?”

He nodded and lowered into the seat across from you accepting your hand shake, “Thank you for meeting me. I know it was short notice.”

You shrugged through a weak giggle, “I’ve worked with worse timelines.”

A smirk eased across his lips as he leaned forward asking, “You won’t mind answering some questions now?” Your head shook and he drew out a small notebook and a pen to take notes under a set list of questions. “First, I have to ask if you’re employed.”

You nodded, “Yes,” after another weak giggle your hand folded around your mug, “I’ve been told too employed on occasion.” His brow rose as you claimed a sip of your tea, after which you lowered it to add, “I work in set and prop design,” making his brow rise at the common ground you and Richard held already, “Also a few months out of the year I fly out to the States to record some audio books, and I also do a few voices on an animated show out here.”

“Which sets have you worked on?”

“Mostly period pieces. My first one was assisting on North and South.” The arch in his brow inched higher, “It was just a few fetching things, I’d just gotten out of uni, then after it was a few small for tv ones, then a steady bit on Being Human, until I got roped into a few traveling bits on Strike Back. Then started on the Borgias few years back, that just ended, um I actually just signed on for a new one about Mary Queen of Scots and there’s a couple more lined up for the months in between their filming bits that haven’t been guaranteed yet.”

The number of actors he knew of forming Richard’s circle you had possibly already met grew and eased his comfort about you already, “Impressive. And the audio portions, is that for income only, or?”

“Um, I mean, partially, most of it goes in savings really. It started as a favor to my Cousin and they ended up needing a steady worker and it also lets me travel a bit across the pond so, not all bad to add to the purse and schedule at the end of the day.”

He nodded, “Where are you staying now?”

“With my Cousins, two of them are getting married and the lease is up next month.”

“So you’re available to move in quite soon?”

You nodded, “Whenever possible, either soon or I could find a place to crash until, your client, is comfortable with me moving in, if I’m approved that is.”

Your cups were emptied and another was called for to finish the rest of the nearly eight pages of questions that only stirred the smirk on the agent’s face even wider. On his feet again he dropped your hand promising to be in touch after he would do the background check on you and have the answer in a couple days after you had agreed to signing a confidentiality agreement not to share anything about the client in question. Something you didn’t argue with, as it also would cover their not sharing the details you would have on shows before production had closed. Sketches, models and detailed notes weren’t an uncommon thing in your possession and they had been hard to keep hidden from your Cousins in the past adding to your reasons for needing to move.

…

Not three days later you were called out to London again to meet in his office to fill out the paperwork for the confidentiality agreement and the lease before joining you outside to drive you in his car out to the house while your Cousins followed behind in the moving van. Within the hour your things were unpacked in your portion of the house, using the side entrance directly to it before your Cousins left you with the Agent to have a tour of the house after their friend had delivered your car from its repair job in the shop. You weren’t alone for long as another car pulled up in the driveway allowing the tall figure closer to the main entrance with a large suitcase at his side.

The thick wooden door swung open revealing a near heart dropping realization of who you were now living with. Richard Crispen freaking Armitage. Those bright blue eyes of his scanned over you in his entering and motion to close the door behind him, each moment you could see him trying to remember who you were as his Agent had no doubt shared your now confirmed work history. Obviously unsuccessful in that attempt but those eyes of his had locked on a clear reaction you had no success in reigning in. As it stood you were at the moment quite excruciatingly taken from what he had learned from your interview but that did nothing to hinder the clear effect he had on you.

The words of the Agent blurred in his mind as he took in the details of your every motion and unsteady breath while you tried to focus on Troy and not the Brit making a mental inventory of what he stirred from you. A trick he loved taking advantage of, through his long slow career he had learned the art of body language, something that only increased his own decided valuable skills to help in his craft. It certainly didn’t hurt in finding out what his significant others truly felt and refused to share with him. No matter what he settled to respect the boundaries and treat you as a tenant and hopefully a friend should you hit it off, but against his own clear instant attraction to you he would be your friend and only your friend.

Before he could blink a phone call took Troy back on his path to the office for another client allowing you both to have some time alone to learn one another. With brows raised he eyed your quick smile stirring a dry swallow from him, “I know you probably don’t remember me. But honestly you really don’t have any reason to.”

“Oh?”

You nodded, “On North and South I mainly did errands, and on Strike back I got called in to take over just after you got killed off, unfortunately.” A smirk eased onto his face, “Besides, if you had any worries about my sticking to the agreement I’ve had one of your secrets for over a decade now.”

His brow raised challengingly allowing him to catch yet another reaction he had stirred from you only raising his amused state in his secret game. “Oh? And that would be?”

Your smile grew playfully as you replied, “I know for a fact who spilled pop on the cotton bolts in the final mill scenes.” His lips parted as you giggled softly twisting slightly from side to side, “But I’m not going to say who.”

A soft chuckle left him as he shook his head, “Care for some tea, Miss y/n?”

With a grin you replied, “That would be lovely, thank you.”

You followed him into the kitchen as he asked, “Your fella didn’t help you move in?”

A soft giggle left you as you repeated, “My fella?” he turned to glance at you as he filled the kettle, “No, he has to work. No worries, he won’t be hanging around a lot. But he has agreed to sign papers for visiting, Troy’s going to send the papers over later today.”

Richard smirked at you, “Did you need help unpacking?”

Your hand waved in front of you, “No worries, I can manage it.”

He nodded, “If you do need it let me know.”

You nodded and he served the tea that bubbled over into him following you to your suite as your fluid conversation continued. A smile grew on his face that he hadn’t felt in a while, easily you had dropped into a great friendship almost instantaneously as your humor and rhetorical and sarcastic whits seemed to meld nicely into a steady back and forth. Each box he helped you shift as he stole glances at what he could, especially those meant for your sitting room turned office. All but one you allowed him to help with without caring, a large chest you awkwardly scooted into your bedroom stirred his curiosity. But he stole a glance at where you had hidden it away hoping to sneak a peek later only to catch you turning it into a bench under one of your windows under a pile of blankets. Turning back again to help you with the rest of the boxes he smiled at you when you timidly glanced at him again upon entering the main hall again.

…

Days had bled on between his busy days with interviews while you commuted to work, his week end only left him with a glimpse of you and the man in one of your photos he guessed to be your boyfriend. With furrowed brows he watched the pair of you chatting with your eyes locked on your separate notebooks. The pair of you were awkwardly sprawled on two chairs at opposing ends of the shared sitting room in the house. Quietly he passed by resuming his rituals to shower and change before exiting again to catch the man now gone. Against his racing pulse at what he assumed to be your sending him away at hearing Richard he strolled through straight to your side only to pause as he peered down at you when you smiled at him greeting him happily. “Richard! I didn’t hear you come in.”

With parted lips he glanced up as the man entered again furrowing his brows at the fruit juice bottle he passed you while saying, “I thought you switched to the green label.”

Tilting your head back you replied, “They only had the purple, but I got some tomato juice for you.”

He nodded eyeing the red bottle in his other hand before he shook it and opened it, mumbling, “I am so tired of falling for limited editions.” You smirked up at him as Richard met his eye only to get a hand held out to him, “Tim.”

Richard shook his hand, “Pleasure to meet you.”

Tim nodded and claimed his seat again as you added, “We were thinking of takeaways, want some?”

Richard wet his lips, “Oh I wouldn’t want to intrude.”

You both shook your heads and said together with soft chuckles, “No intrusion at all.”

All through the meal, when it finally arrived leaving him to sit between you at the side of the table after his expecting you to sit together, but each moment of your shared aloof states left him absolutely baffled. Your attraction was there, to him and Tim, but nothing from him, not at least past a mild fondness from what Richard could see. So him being in his confirmed set aside position he started to dig deeper into the relationship leaving him, as Tim was heading home for the night, with the casual peck on the cheek you had initiated and he did not return, merely tolerated as if some favor to you, that this was a train wreck waiting to happen. Already as he headed to bed when you had said your good nights he could already perfectly see the stacks of tissue boxes, the tubs of ice cream spilling over from your freezer to his, the countless sappy romances he would no doubt inch his way into joining the marathon with you to aid in your pain relieving rituals as best he could.

Heartbreak was absolute, something he couldn’t help but share with his friends, in hypothetical situations of course, all referring to ‘a friend’ and his roommate and their crumbling relationship Richard failed in maintaining the charade and just erupted, spewing it all out leading to the guys to come visit the next day he was in town. With his own busy work schedule you barely saw each other three days a month. No doubt you had relaxed into at least verbally as one of those joking caring relationships that seemed to irritate everyone when they were equally as loving, or physically affectionate.

The single bubbly laughing conversation you shared seemed to draw the entire group in only to puzzle them as you would lean in and then lean back with a reigned in reaction as if you’d been emotionally slapped. Only a few seconds in the hour they had spent with you the they could catch the freezes when you would inch back again respecting the seemingly invisible barrier between you until his deliberate taps on your thighs and fore arms to share more details on stories.

Your parting when he had to head back to the airport only left the actors around Richard inches from angrily pummeling Tim, their reaction simply was to drag Richard to his room the minute you left the men to return to your notes to finalize some designs for work the following week. The group all shared hushed angry shouted whispers trying to make sense of why the man would dare limit any interaction with you at all.

Their final passing glance of Tim was one you had drawn them into, in a jaw droppingly tight dress you entered the room to sit beside Aidan as you smiled at him widely asking, “If I were to sit like this,” you scooted closer to him pressing your leg against his while you propped your chin in one palm, “And I pat your arm and say,” Switching your voice from normal to a giddy giggly one saying with your eyes locked on his in a teasing grin, “I can’t imagine having to wait soo long for someone to sign you. I could listen to your voice all day.”

The giggle after raised his brow as he stammered out, “Are you trying to flirt with me?”

With a pat of your hand on the counter you turned to Tim pointing a finger at him abruptly snapping from your previous near enamored state, “See! I told you!”

Tim rolled his eyes, “How was I supposed to know she was flirting with me?”

“One, leaning in, two, she touched you!”

Tim shrugged, “You touch my arm all the time.”

The men groaned as you replied, “Yes, but women don’t normally go around just touching people!”

Tim shrugged, “Point taken, what else?”

Richard, with his temper as reigned in as he could muster at your attention to, Aidan added, “The look for one.”

Lee nodded, “Pure lust in those eyes.”

Graham, “And the giggle. No woman just laughs like that without trying to flatter the ego of the man she’s speaking to.”

Tim’s eyes locked on you and he huffed, “I’m never going to get this.”

You giggled and walked to his side claiming his hand guiding him to your door saying, “No worries, you’ll have five girlfriends by the end of the first month. Plenty of practice.” After bidding the guys good night they heard you add, “Now, off to the dinner, I’ve studied up and I’m going to make that little Griffen cry when I read back the text books on Geo-dynamics I’ve memorized.” Grins grew on their faces as they chuckled at your challenging tone Tim chuckled to leaving them to return to their sharing of notes on your behavior and lesson before delving into what you meant by him gaining more possible girlfriends.

…

For two months no sight of Tim had been found with only a couple echoes through the halls from skype calls from you during your usual brainstorming hours. Each time being in more and more adorable positions staring at some model for something for the shows you were working on or resting upside down trying to read back the trickier sections on the latest book you were going to fly out to narrate in another week.

This last pass by your room however brought Richard to call out, announcing his arrival from another bout of filming himself leaving him absent from your life for over two weeks jetting around the world for various small bits here and there. Through his thundering headache his voice rumbled, “Care for some take away?”

Tilting your head awkwardly you caught his eye and turned sideways smiling at him as you straightened up and said, “Sure.”

On your feet you followed the staggering man back to his kitchen to find the notebook for the numbers for your favorite places. Scratchily he nearly growled out, “What did you care for today?”

At his side your eyes lingered on the clammy complexion of the giant beside you, the beginning of trickles of sweat as he swayed on his feet, softly you said, “Rich-,” His eyes shifted to meet yours making him sway again as he watched your hand rise to press the back of your hand to his heated forehead, “Come on, you’re going to bed.”

“N-.” Your hand fixed on his jacket and you guided him through his house toward his bedroom, taking his weight against your shoulders as you did, “You need to eat.”

“And I will, after I get you in bed with some soup.”

“I don’t-.”

“Yes you do.” Firmly you guided towards his bed where in his throbbing numbness he couldn’t fight against your hands jerking his jacket off of him as carefully as you could manage while his eyes struggled to focus on you. A wet heap of clothes grew in the hamper along the wall with his damp shirt after before you guided him to sit down to help him remove his boots. A lace at a time you loosened them then tugged them free to be tossed beside his hamper freeing you to add his socks as well. On your feet again you reached up to unhook his belt only to have him fail to swat your hand away as you said, “I am getting you out of these soaked clothes.”

Sloppily he sighed, “I don’t need to be cared for.”

You nodded holding up three fingers in front of his shifting eyes, “How many fingers?”

He swatted your hand away as he stood and slumped over your shoulder as he said, “Worse than my Mum. Just need to shower.”

Rolling your eyes you steadied him and helped him to his shower where he dropped his pants in his place against the wall while you turned the shower on and stepped out saying, “I’ll get you some fresh clothes.” He grumbled something and dropped his boxer briefs to step inside, closing the milky door behind him to grunt as the hot water spilled over him. Warm air swirled around him as he scrubbed as best as he could then stepped out curling in the towel you had set there to stagger across the room to fumble his way into the new boxer briefs and sweats, leaving his shirt where it was.

Around him the room swayed as he reached the door, hastily he jerked it open hoping it was just the heat getting to him. On the other side his eyes fell on you as you grabbed his arm to curl over your shoulders to guide him back to bed. “I got you. Back to bed, your soup is waiting for you.”

“You don’t have to care for me.”

You giggled as he laid back under the covers you had brushed back, against the pile of pillows he rested and watched you grab the thermometer and tried to say something only to be silenced, “Oh just stop it. You can barely cross a room alone. And stop complaining about your Mum, you know you would love it if she were here to care for you,” His lips parted as you raised the thermometer to his lips, “And if you keep complaining I will break into your phone and call her out here.”

His lips folded around the thermometer as he gave you a failed attempt at a challenging glare making you smirk at him saying, “Glare all you like.” Shifting sideways you grabbed the bowl on your left while you grabbed the beeping thermometer, “Congratulations, it’s a fever.” He rolled his eyes and then eyed the spoonful you offered him, “Open up, and no swatting or this will be all over you.”

Slowly he finished the soup holding his eyes on you as you shared about your day trying to distract him from his helpless state, then after he eyed the small cup of medicine you offered him before the tall glass of water before tucking him in. Groggily he tossed and turned in the bed on your trip to the door bringing you back to the bed after taking his dishes to the sink. With your new book in hand you returned to his bed to sit beside him catching his eyes landing on you in the middle of his internal struggle.

For all his wishes to just be alone his entire being burned and chilled at the same time, feeling his skin wishing to crawl as another layer of sweat started to form. This ache in him through his silence about your obviously missed failing relationship through his already deep attachment to you. If he hadn’t been able to be under the care of his Mother in this state there wasn’t anyone he wished to be able to be this vulnerable with, but for as much as he enjoyed it, he hated having this happen so soon after meeting you.

Barely two months in and here he was, coated in sweat and on the edge of hurling everywhere but as you scooted closer to his side he couldn’t help but turn over as his eyes drooped through the first paragraph you read aloud. The same calming voice he listened to when you were apart just to have a piece of you close no matter how heated or depressing the random slew of novels would get.

A couple hours later in a shift farther over your lap you closed the book and set it aside to quickly grab the trash can you’d set there earlier. Promptly you grabbed it and slid it up to his face when he jerked awake and rose up to heave everything inside it, firmly your hand smoothed over his back between his broken apologies as he continued to heave. When his stomach had finally settled again you moved the can and settled him back again after helping him drink from one of the water bottles you had left by the bed. Groaning deeply he laid back unable to look your way as you carried the can to dump and rinse it out before bringing it back to the bed with a damp wash cloth you eased across his forehead as you held up the thermometer saying, “Let’s check your temp again.”

Through his grumble he obeyed your order, relaxing as you wiped him down and claimed it again when it beeped through saying, “I have five brothers, and three of them have quadruplets. Guess who gets full custody when they all get sick. You are not the first to hurl from over my lap, you are however-,” you shifted to give him another round of medicine, “The first to get it all in the bucket. So you get points there.”

Weakly he chuckled then accepted the drink of water you had offered him, in a cracked voice he hoarsely rumbled, “Thank you.”

You smirked at him, “I’m going to get you something to eat.” He groaned again making you giggle, “You have to eat.”

On your path back from the kitchen with more soup you heard the back end of Bohemian Rhapsody being hummed by Richard, your smile grew at his sloppy rendition. Beside him you sat helping him eat the soup before sitting next to him letting him curl around your lap again. His eyes shut halfway through his repeat of the song after he slurred, “I think I’m writing a great song.”

You nodded, “It could be epic.” Unable to help but smile you combed your fingers through his hair easing him to sleep just moments after he mumbled in a pleased tone at your humming along, “We’re so in sync. Just meant to be.” In a hushed tone barely above a whisper he sang, “Anyway the wind blows-,” his voice trailed off as his head nuzzled closer on your lap while his arms circled around you. In your trapped spot your eyes closed while your fingers smoothed across his back for a short nap until your alarm went off to towel him down and check his temperature again before another round of meds, soup and water.

Thankfully his fever had broken and he tried to convince you to get back to your routine and he could handle himself, but as his voice had nearly died out completely after his congested night of being coated in vicks to clear it out brought on a painful round of coughing the medicine finally was able to stop. In a compromise you stretched him out in the living room while you changed his sheets and made him more soup then joined him to watch a round of courtroom tv he hoarsely argued along with you through each case. Reaching back his arms circled you in his medicine induced delirium after he insisted you sit there on your return.

His smile couldn’t have been brighter as his dying voice flowed through rambling statements about how perfect you were and any man should give you the world in his decided moment on sharing what he thought about your relationship with Tim. The discussion went on far longer in his mind with only a few scattered words here and there for you to try and piece together before he passed out again. The next couple days you shifted around the apartment struggling not to get too comfortable in his arms while his body settled against yours so easily. Each moment both absolutely perfect but still incredibly painful as it drew out the truth for what your now former relationship had been.

A farce. Tim had been your best friend since university and it wasn’t until you both had graduated you found yourselves in the same boat so to speak. The pair of you tired of the attention to your private lives and were in need of a way to silence the endless comments and set ups. For you your dreams of bringing your thoughts to life meant more at the time than any man promising you the world in exchange for a night of drinks and a roll in the sheets. While Tim had a different struggle all together, in his comfort you had been the first female friend he had obtained and the first person he had trusted enough to share his belief he was asexual. Something that made him being handsome all the more difficult for him to live without unwanted attentions, so with a bargain struck you both timidly came up with an approved set of contact and reasons for each.

With this you managed to convince most that you were perfectly happy, even in his wish as a non snuggler and you a person enamored by the desire to have someone to come home to and just melt against whenever you needed that intimate contact. Painfully you dealt with this as you didn’t wish to harm your friend’s dreams, with that however you had come to an agreement that obviously when you were apart you could see whomever you wished as long as they made you happy and respected you fully.

With a couple dates you decided against it, simply dealing with the ache over the hassle the men had turned into after even just a simple coffee. Into the film world you escaped and now that Tim had finally landed the job of a lifetime in japan you were freed from your duties as he tried to convince you not to settle with just being Richard’s friend if you caught a hint that he was interested.

Here you were, in the grip of an impossibly talented actor that you had joined millions in swooning over and helplessly daydreaming about for years now. Each day you’d learned more about him and his millions of intricate habits than any interview could muster into words. Each one more painful than the last as once again you felt like you were a tiger trapped in a glass zoo exhibit as the men milled past unable to simply feel them around you at all as you posed and flashed your teeth for those looking on. Between your bouts of looming tears at a wish for something real you struggled to hold it all out of sight and just accept that you had a contract with him and would, at best, be as good a friend to him as he would allow you to be.

By day four groggily his eyes opened to find you as his pillow once again as you rested with the just nearly finished novel open beside you with your finger still holding your place. Against his urge to rush away from you out of embarrassment for what you’d had to endure this week his hands settled on your hips guiding you flat on the bed he tucked you into after setting the book aside. With just the lingering weakness in his body he rose from the bed to shower and make a full breakfast for the pair of you he had just barely finished as you joined him at the table accepting the juice he passed you.

Your sleepy smile and loose hair partially over your face you were struggling to brush back nearly froze him in place as your eyes met his in the same bright reaction to his as you stated, “Thank you. I have half a mind to fetch the bucket for you.”

Richard couldn’t help but chuckle as he eased into his seat, “I’m certain I can make the race to the toilet if I need to. Thank you, for everything. I really feel bad about it.”

You giggled softly, “No need to. I’ve put you through a lot of my rambling and awkward rants trying to work through my props.”

He couldn’t help but laugh, “And you’ve read through scripts with me to help make sense of the notes. I’d say we’re even on that front.”

“And you don’t have to thank me for taking care of you. It’s what I do back home.”

“Still-.”

“You’re not going to win this argument. Besides, I got a fair bit out of it.” His eyes flinched up to yours as he raised a brow making you giggle. “I think it was the third night I went to make soup, came back you were humming Bohemian Rhapsody.” He chuckled weakly looking at his plate, “Then when I joined in you said we were so in sync and just meant to be.”

After a groan he replied, “Unfortunately I’ve said the same thing to my Sister in law last time she popped by with soup for me to give Mum a break.” His brows furrowed, “I’m actually surprised I haven’t gotten any messages from her.”

You smirked up at him, “She called the first night. I’ve been keeping her posted. We agreed she’s going to ring you at noon, we figured you’d be out of it by then.”

“How’d you manage to keep her from taking the train out?”

“We face timed her, a lot. She gave me more than a few tips on your tricks.”

Another chuckle left him as he stole another glance at you mid bite of your breakfast. The idea you could have been so close with his Mother already eased a doubt in what he imagined to be a first step to drawing you out of your bad situation. “I don’t have tricks.”

With a giggle you replied, “Perhaps not, but you do try to be quite the charmer when you’re sick.”

“Oh?”

You nodded, “Two days back we were on the couch after another round of soup and you told me you wrote me a song, ‘because every divine creature deserves to be serenaded’.” He couldn’t help but groan, “And then you started to sing for me.”

He rubbed his place, “Please tell me I didn’t…” peaking between his fingers he asked, “More Queen?”

You shook your head with a giggle making him wonder who he could have chosen. “No. An original piece.” His head turned and he froze in place at what he could have said, “You started to sing this song about this pet hamster you had when you were six.”

His brows furrowed as his head tilted curiously through his mumble, “I never had a pet hamster.”

You couldn’t help but giggle, “Then you went into this bit bout the forces and I’m not certain but I got some serious Lucas North vibes.” Making him laugh as he covered his face, “I thought it was adorable. Thinking of making it my ring tone for you.” His brows rose, “You insisted I save it to replay it when I’m away next week.”

He laughed again, “I am sorry.”

You shook your head, “No apologies or I’ll send it to your friends.” Making him send a playful glare your way. “Alright I know that would break the contract, but, fine, your Mum then. There’s no Mum clause in it.” Making him chuckle again as he stole another lingering glance your way.

“I’m sorry, if we kept you from your talks with Tim. Or did we have chats with him as well?”

You giggled softly, “I got a couple emails from him. He’s settled in Japan nicely.”

In a jerk to meet your gaze he parroted back, “Japan?”

You nodded, “Five year contract, huge, amazing job.”

After wetting his lips Richard asked, “How’s that going to work, with you two, I mean? If you don’t mind that is?”

“Oh, we broke up three weeks ago. He said it wouldn’t be fair to me, that was part of the whole demonstration with Aidan and the guys, me trying to give him a few clues to when someone was interested in him.”

Richard’s brows furrowed again and he set his fork down crossing his arms on the table in front of him, tapping his finger as he spoke, “So, you were giving him tips on meeting someone else? Why?”

“He’s, my best friend.”

Richard wet his lips again, “He was also your boyfriend.”

With a steady inhale his questioning clicked in your mind, “Oh, no, I mean yes, but no.” Making his brow tick up higher, “See, we met in uni, and he was finally so relieved to make a female friend that wasn’t just trying to hit on him. Actually I was, he’s just oblivious to all that. Anyways, we settled as friends and after graduation at work we kept getting pestered about dating and all that. So we had an agreement of sorts. I’m sure you guys caught a bit of the distance when we hung out, puts some people off, but he’s not overly fond of sharing personal space, and it’s easier for me to just sit across from him then.”

“And that would be, why?”

“I’m a notorious snuggler, can’t help it.”

“And he doesn’t like to be touched. Interesting pair.”

You couldn’t help but giggle, “We make up for it with the joking in most people’s eyes.”

“Why stick to it for so long?”

You shrugged, “I got tired of the lies. Nothing felt meaningful in dating with the guys I took out, just wanted flings. When, sorry if this gets a bit much, but you don’t really need a guy to get off, and it’s mostly considered weak for men to show any sort of physical intimacy past something possessive seems like, labeling me as clingy or needy when it’s just a hug damnit, they’re still going to have testicles after, I don’t see the problem with it.” His smile had grown as your words had died off.

“No, I agree. If you need someone to back up the snuggling effects on testicles let me know.” Making you giggle and get back to your meal.

…

The next couple days had passed and you had found yourself off on another flight across the ocean to the States to record that large novel leaving Richard home alone without anything to distract him from his racing thoughts about you. Across his couch he once again set his phone down on his chest after listening to one of the recorded clips of you both singing together, including his hamster song you had sent to him before his mind raced back to the chest he still had no clue what it had contained. Without reason he rose and crossed through the house to your open room. Wetting his lips he peeked inside even knowing you were safely across an ocean. Slowly he made for the chest and carefully shifted the folded blankets from on top of it before his eyes slid over the chest assuring there was no lock before he eased it open.

Inside he peered over the stacks of films and random trinkets obviously autographed or special edition for a few random actors. Using his phone to light it up he grinned seeing his films and shows inside on one side above a small pair of plushies, one of John Thornton and the other of Guy of Ghisborne in a pile with characters from the original Lord of the Rings beside a set of plushies for Jurrassic Park and King Kong. Each item making him chuckle as he realized why you had hidden it, you had mentioned you were a fan of his but clearly you were trying not to show him just how big of a fan. With a smile he moved the blankets back exactly how they were and he went to make himself some lunch returning to his planning on what to do with you.

Pt 2

#Richard Armitage x Reader OC

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jennifersylvesters · 6 years

Text

on the air ( prologue )

Synopsis: Your radio program receives its first ever caller...only to complain about a certain segment. Little do you know that he’s not going to stop bothering you both on the air and off. Pairing: uni!Harrison Osterfield x reader Word Count: 3.1k~ A/N: i’ve got absolutely no knowledge about radio stations so i’m so sorry if anything’s wrong. also - laying all the foundation for this - probably will start to pick up in part one. as always, i appreciate any - if at all - feedback. aka please give me feedback.

There were certain aspects that made autumn reign the supreme season in your mind. From the colorful leaves that swirled around to coziness of the sweater weather, you lived for the moment the air turned crisp and autumn came to visit. While others considered January the start of a new change, your heart said that fall season signaled new beginnings. After all, autumn meant the start of a new school year which had just as many resolutions as a new year did.

You knew it wasn’t a popular opinion, but you loved coming back to campus after break. Summer was great, but there was something comforting about returning back to the quad. Yes, of course lugging up all your belongings into your new dorm room was always a pain. Yet there was a satisfaction when you finally tidied up your room making it feel like a home away from home, a small victory that you relished.

And nothing excited you more about arriving back on campus than getting to see your uni friends. Even though it had only been a couple months, you would break into a sprint and crash into all your closest friends with a hug when you spotted them; the reunion may have been a bit dramatic, but text messages and FaceTiming didn’t have quite the same effect as seeing someone in person.

Coming back to campus also meant another year of being a radio host. What started off as a fun proposition during your university’s activities fair turned into one of your favorite activities.

The concept seemed simple enough. The station managers explained that all you needed to do was submit a radio proposal on what you planned on broadcasting. They would show you how to work the equipment and because it wasn’t a particularly popular activity, the station accepted just about every proposal thrown their way.

In the couple of years that you broadcasted, you mostly kept to yourself. Of course you politely smiled at passing DJs, but you didn’t branch out fully with them. It wasn’t as if you viewed them as competition so much as you weren’t sure what to say to them. The only people you really spoke with were the station manager and the engineers.

Most of the engineers who worked at the station were students, taking the job in order to enhance their resume. It also helped that the position was an easy gig. Rarely did things go wrong and if it did, they were tiny blunders that engineers could quickly fix.

Which is how you came to work with George. For the most part he kept to himself, occasionally commenting a one word response. You were well aware of how he tended to tune out your broadcast, focusing on homework. Yet he was a reliable fellow, quick to fix whatever mistakes arose without being asked and never casting blame on you.

About a year into knowing George, you suggested the idea of interviewing him which he surprisingly agreed to. It shouldn’t have surprised you how poorly the interview went. The struggle to have interesting questions combined with his stoic personality made for a terrible segment. The only positive outcome of the broadcast was that you learned three odd yet interesting facts about George: he typically had terrible luck with the exception of technology, he hated his roommates, and he was Greek.

By now you and George mutually understood one another. He got the gist of your programming, knowing that you still struggled with cues and always lent a helping hand during those difficult moments. You understood he was friendlier to you on the days when his roommates weren’t being as annoying as usual.

Unlike some radio presenters that attempted to broadcast new, fun and exciting concepts, you kept your proposal simple: half of your program would be a talk show while the other half would play whatever music interested you at the moment. “So basically like a regular radio show?” the managers confirmed when you pitched, to which you slowly nodded your head. Your proposal wasn’t extravagant, and they could work with that. You requested if at all possible to you go by a pseudonym which they had no problem with. The station managers understood you weren’t trying to be ambitious; it was the presenters who wanted multiple sound effects and crowded the booth worried them more than your show.

You settled for taking the nine to midnight slot on Thursdays, not wanting to fight for prime times the way other presenters did. This meant you couldn’t party with your friends that day, and you secretly loved using it as an excuse. You assumed no one except your group of friends actually listened to your show when they weren’t going out, and you didn’t mind. At least someone was listening.

The music aspect of your show came naturally to you. Every week you would decide on a genre and let whatever music peaked your interest play freely. While you knew it was expected to make a set playlist, you found the managers let you skate by on that expectation because it wasn’t particularly busy that late at night.

You found the talk show aspect was more difficult than you expected. Speaking about different subjects for an hour and a half took more work than you realized. Still, you always managed to find a couple of topics that peaked your interest to discuss on your show.

Your favorite segment that you always included was something you dubbed “Romance Report” where you discussed the adorable romances you noticed on campus. You gushed about the cute couples, vividly describing certain people and the gestures that made you believe how in love they seemed to be. While you didn’t personally know any of the couples, you chose to give them the benefit of the doubt that their relationships were going strong.

After a month and a half of being back on campus, you finally found your rhythm once more with programming. As you gently bopped along to the beat of Kehlani’s “Distraction”, you situated yourself to start “Romance Report” once the song ended.

This week you spoke about a certain couple you saw where the boyfriend lovingly tucked a dandelion behind his girlfriend’s ear before kissing her on the forehead. The two of them laced their fingers together as they walked away from your vision, but the interaction left you full of butterflies in your heart. As you jabbered on about how adorable the gestures were, the phone line lit up. You stared quizzically at the blinking button, almost unsure if it was truly happening. The phone line only lit up when it was just your friends wanting to chat with you, but they normally texted before actually calling the station. It took you by surprise when you answered and an unfamiliar voice spoke.

“Hey. Uh, yeah, would you please just shut up about the couples on campus?” the voice berated you, irritation laced in their tone. Naturally you were taken back. The first actual caller you got was upset with your programming?

“I-I’m sorry?” you stuttered, unsure of what was occurring. You looked up to see George looking up at you. Like always, he rarely had an expression on his face but it was odd for him to pay attention unless something interesting was happening.

“Listen” the unknown voice sighed. “I’m not trying to be that person, but hearing this whole “romance report”...Honestly, it’s idiotic.”

The caller certainly wasn’t one to mince words. The comment stung, but you tried your best to remain civil. “Well, you don’t have to listen if you don’t want to?” you slowly responded, not wanting to offend the caller.

“Yeah, but my mate says the music you usually play is pretty good. Which, yeah, you do have good music taste. So can you just stick to that?” It sounded more like an order than advice, and you could feel yourself becoming vexed.

“No. You know what? I think I’ll keep talking about this couple” you decided promptly. You heard the caller on the line groan. “Listen pal, just change the station if you’re really that upset.”

“Or maybe just stop doing this segment in general.”

“This is my radio show” you snapped. “I’ve literally been doing this since I started.”

“So I’ve heard” the voice grunted. “And some of the couples you choose are ridiculous, you know that? Absolutely ridiculous.”

“How are they ridiculous? You don’t know what you’re talking about” you scoffed.

“A couple weeks ago you talked about some couple sharing a croissant near the library’s coffee shop. You went on and on about how they must share everything. Pretty sure he’s not sharing the fact that he’s cheating on her.”

Your eyes widened at this statement. “What are you talking about?”

“Not to call him out on the radio, but he’s probably not listening anyways. So the guy you were talking about: his name’s Marcus. Saw him hooking up with some girl that was definitely not his girlfriend last week at that bar, Checkers.”

You exchanged glances with George. Even for someone so stoic, you noticed how he raised an eyebrow at that statement. Clearly this wasn’t what he expected during his shift.

“Y-You don’t know that” you stammered out.

“But I do” the voice insisted. “Love’s a joke. People like you think that it’s this everlasting magical feeling when it’s not. It’s work and when people realize that, they leave.”

“You’re being cynical” you retorted.

“And you’re getting played by the biggest con job of them all.”

“N-No, I’m not” you defended yourself, but you heard how weak your response sounded.

“Stop living in a fantasy world, romanticizing couples like that. It’s not real.” The comment cut deep, triggering something in you that you weren’t particularly sure you liked.

“I think that’s all for now” you dismissed as you cut the line. You didn’t wait for the caller to respond, done with his attitude.

You fumbled around with the controls before playing something - anything - to buy you some time. Somehow you managed to start up Mahalia’s “Never Change”, letting her song kill three minutes so you could formulate what to do for your remaining air time.

Glancing up, you noticed George still looking at you. You swallowed nervously, unsure if you wanted him to say anything or not.

“Christ. Thought that’d be one of your friends” he finally commented before taking a sip of his coffee and returning back to his studies.

“So did I” you agreed, leaning back in your chair. A loud sigh escaped your lips before you sat back up and began queueing up songs, at least long enough for you to compose yourself once more. The caller’s comments rang in your mind as you tried to process what just happened.

Despite your consistent praising of love, you hadn’t truly experienced it yourself. While some of your friends had significant others in high school, you only had a handful of crushes that eventually fizzled out. You never bothered to get a boyfriend, believing you would eventually get one in uni. Yet somehow that expectation never came true.

The last thing you wanted to focus on was searching for someone to date. The majority of your time was spent hanging out with your friends or studying anyways. Occasionally your friends dragged you out to parties and bars, but you believed that no serious relationship could start at these locations. So you politely declined the idea of hook ups or handing your numbers out to strangers who offered to buy you drinks.

You found solace in your radio show, just enjoying the idea of love rather than putting yourself out there. Because you wanted something cute, something real. But it didn’t seem likely on your campus.

Still, you enjoyed the fantasy loves in your life. They were attractive guys whose small acts of kindness fueled your fantasies of what love could be.

There was Kendall, the barista whose eyes always crinkled happily when you thanked him for your drink. During freshman year you generously tipped and politely thanked him after a huge rush, never once pestering him about how long he took to make the drinks. From discussing the different types of roasts to asking about his day, you always made polite small talk with him. At this point he memorized your usual order and always had it prepared by the time you finished paying.

There was Logan, one of the student librarians who always let you eat in the biography section of the library despite no food being allowed near the bookshelves. You suspected it was because you consistently visited the place that he gave you a free pass. But you liked to believe it was due to you helping him shelve books during a particularly awful finals week. Whenever you passed him on campus, he would nod in your direction and the two of you would share an understanding smile of the secret that you both kept.

And then there was Harrison, one of the students in your art history class. If there was one thing that made an eight in the morning course more bearable, it was getting to see him. You couldn’t help but steal glances at the boy whose disheveled hair somehow looked so perfect.

Two weeks into the class you curiously watched as he fumbled through his pockets before letting out a low groan. You were caught off guard when he turned towards you asking to borrow a pen. After a brief moment of rummaging around your backpack, you pulled a pen from the front pouch. As you began to hand the pen over, you spotted bagel crumbs scattered on his shirt.

You held out the pen to him, nervously silent. But something told you to let the cute boy know about the crumbs. “Don’t mean to be rude, but you have a little mess going on there” you whispered, leaning in towards him.

Looking down, he spotted the little bits of his breakfast scattered on his shirt. He lightly blushed before mumbling a thanks, wiping the crumbs to the floor.

A week later as you studied on a bench in the quad, you felt a light tapping on your shoulder. You looked up to see Harrison smiling down at you. He made brief small talk before asking to borrow your notes after missing the previous class. You pretended that you hadn’t realized he hadn’t shown when in reality you glumly spent the first couple of minutes of that class staring at the empty seat besides yours.

You handed over your notes as he thanked you. Harrison paused, opening his mouth to say something but stopped upon hearing someone call his name. Both of you glanced around only to spot a boy a couple feet away waving his arm excitedly. Harrison nodded towards whom you assumed was one of his friends. “Well, I’ll see you in class” he said as he headed towards the cheerful fellow.

As the next week rolled around and you tiredly staggered in to the art history class, you were caught off guard by something you weren’t expecting to see: on top of your usual desk were your notes along with the pen Harrison borrowed weeks before and an iced coffee with two sugar packs on top of the lid. The kind gesture touched you, especially since you hadn’t been able to stop by your usual cafe and were in desperate need of caffeine. You tore the sugar packets into the coffee before stirring, thoughts swirling of how Harrison must’ve noticed your preference of coffee. You gratefully sipped on the beverage before the professor walked in and began the lecture.

By next class, you found yourself buying him a breakfast muffin. You knew he only bought the drink as a gesture of showing thanks, but it was too sweet and kind for you not to thank back. It took all your courage not to chicken out, but you placed the pastry on his usual spot before class started.

Upon seeing Harrison enter the classroom, you whipped your head around and immediately pretended to focus on your notes. The sound of his chair sliding out indicated he was next to you, but you ignored it. It took a brief moment for him to actually take his seat, which you figured meant he saw what you left for him. You could feel his gaze on you, but you continued to stare down at your notes as your face heated up. It wasn’t until the professor walked in that you finally looked up.

The first couple of minutes you desperately tried to concentrate on the subject at hand, refusing to look anywhere but straight ahead. But a soft tap on your arm brought you out of your trance, and you turned to Harrison who had halved the muffin and was offering a part to you.

Your face heated up once more as you politely shook your head and raised a hand to indicate “no thanks”. But there was something about his gentle smile and him gesturing once more for you to take it that you eventually caved in.

And that was the start of your art history tradition with him. One of you would bring in a breakfast food and split it with the other. No words were exchanged except the occasional thanks. While you couldn’t help but think that it didn’t mean much to Harrison, it only fueled your imagination about the potential of falling in love with him.

Out of all your fantasy crushes, you enjoyed your thoughts about Harrison the most. Perhaps it was because you spent the most time with him, even if it was during a two hour lecture course filled with silence between the two of you.

You knew about Harrison even before this course. He was one of the many foreign students on campus that people fawned over. Perhaps it was his personality or maybe just his looks, but there was something about him that had girls hooked. You occasionally saw him at parties, but girls always clamored over him that you hadn’t paid mind until recently.

Fantasies now plagued your mind of him being yours, him taking you out to bars not to get drunk but to show you off as his girl. You couldn’t get over the idea of Harrison laughing along with your mates while his arm casually wrapped around your waist. And that at the end of the night, the two of you would go back to his dorm room and cuddle, falling asleep in one another’s arms. When his alarm would go off in the morning, you’d bundle up in his sweater and stroll hand in hand to the art history lecture hall.

But of course you knew it was just fantasy. Still, you loved the idea of love and scowled at the idea of love being a joke like your caller implied.

#harrison osterfield x reader #haz osterfield x reader #harrison osterfield #harrison osterfield x you #harrison osterfield x y/n #haz osterfield x you #haz osterfield x y/n #harrison osterfield imagine #harrison osterfield fic #harrison osterfield fanfiction #haz osterfield #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland fic #my writing #fic: on the air

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anaithya · 6 years

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2018, etc

2018 was one hell of a ride.

I spent the NYE working on thesis proposal with my best friends A & G at G’s home. It was tense, since the deadline was close but none of us was even halfway through. At midnight we took a break and walked to Bundaran HI to join the crowd and watch fireworks. We had a bit of fun, grabbed some food in the nearest McD, talked all the way back, and prayed for our hopes and dreams for the year, before finally continue to work.

We had our common goal: to graduate. Little did we know it will took a long, winding road before we finally reach one.

January was fine. IECOM was successful, despite me being a zombie for several days. It might not be perfect but I’m very proud of what my team has done. There were unexpected things happened in D-Day but we handled them well. It feels so nice to see people work together--voluntarily put their time, mind, and energy to make the plan come true. We did our best and that’s what mattered.

Two days after IECOM, batch 2014 went to field trip in Malang and Bali. Having too caught up with IECOM, my friends and I planned our extended trip on the bus lol (I wrote about it here). It was reaaal fun! I liked how chill we all were, stopped for a moment not thinking about thesis or our routine anxieties, living the moment we were in. Thank you crew #gogotrip.

But the chaos was waiting for me. From then on, I was drained working on my thesis. Thesis was like the epitome of my uni life: crappy and messed up. Full of regret and wrong decisions. Perfectly summed it up! I thought I planned everything perfectly, but then Murphy Law happened. I remember panicking when things were still uncertain. I overthinked a lot, I was desperate and felt so clueless on April, but things began to unfold in May. In early July, I was finally certain in what I had to do. But still not sure whether I could make it or not in October. The pressure was even higher after you see your own friends graduating.

Whole September I couldn’t manage to do anything but working on my thesis. The month slipped perfectly from my life, I barely remember anything but me sitting in my computer, whether looking on Word, Excel, or Lingo. I remember staying up all night in the then-newly-opened coffee shop until 2 in the morning with my friend N (we’ve been there for hours), working on our thesis, too tired to talk to each other. Then we do the same thing in the day, only in our lab, and there will be our other friends. On repeat, for days.

On Tuesday, 25th, I finally did my thesis defense. Got an A, with extremely minor revision. Happiest day of the year. Took a day off on Wednesday, printed the final draft Thursday, got my supervisor’s signature, submitted it to the library, and signed up for October graduation on Friday.

Took two companies, months of hustles and hurdles, loads of papers, countess lingo solving, and series of sleepless nights to finally did it. And also a great supervisor. I couldn’t thank my supervisor enough for all the help that he gave me. If it wasn’t him, I don’t know if i can still manage to graduate in October.

In between the mess, with the thought that I need a break, I signed up for HPAIR conference. After two essays and an online interview, I got accepted! So for a full week in August I went to KL. It’s been a long time since I visit KL, and it was my first time participating in an international event like that. (one bucket list checked!). The conference was lit with the intriguing theme and notable speakers. I made new friends and tried superb food in town.

I also got the chance to participate in Maybank Impact Challenge, which I think the most interesting part of the conference. It was modelled upon Maybank Go Ahead Challenge. We were divided in teams, and the members came from different backgrounds and nationalities. In the span of 6 hours I had to make a country development plan, played board game, took the role as a COO in an engineering company, cracked codes and analyzed financial statements, ran for 1-2 km?--wearing a smart casual attire--from Sunway Uni to a bowling alley in Sunway Pyramid, pitched my company to investor WHILE playing bowling, ran back to the Uni, and took the role as management in company-in-crisis. Too much for a day, eh? It was crazy but I got to learn a lot: 1) How to work under pressure 2) How to work with strangers, especially with a very dominating person 3) How to estimate and make up numbers that still make sense 4) How to do impromptu speech.

(I also signed up for IELTS and Germany course. The courses were so refreshing since I love learning languages. I stopped showing up in September tho when the stakes on my thesis were high)

October 19 was my graduation day, and 20 was the parade. Bachelor of Science, I am now. I finally ended my university life. (another bucket list checked!)

The past four years was rough for me, especially in terms of my own ambition and personal development. To be honest, I hate my university life so much. I hate it to the point I don’t like to talk about it. About this class, about this exam, about this task, about this A B C, about this time when we had to do X.

If I could turn back the time I would definitely pick another major and another university. I hate how I didn’t work hard enough. I hate how I didn’t give my 100%. I hate how I DID work enough but still failing anyway. I hate how the world seemed so unfair. I hate how unprepared and unplanned I was. But what I hate the most is... I hate that I didn’t pursue for things I really like the most, because I was too scared. I hate how I wasn’t willing to take chances and chose the easy path. I hate how scared I was, to the future, to the what-ifs, to things that were actually in my head.

So messed up. So many wrong decisions. So many regrets.

Nonetheless, university life gave me valuable friends and... meaningful relationships! I really didn’t expect this from ITB back then, but yeah. The people I met were good ones. MTI ITB IS AWESOME!!! (at a certain period of time lol). I’m thankful that I found trusting, reliable friends that might not be 24/7 for me but surely make me laugh and make me feel much better when they’re around. It is my memories with them that I cherish the most.

Several days after graduation, I secured my first job (or not? I’m not permanent yet but nevermind), and started to work rightaway--in a company that I really admire. (bucket list checked once again!!!)

November and December were about adjustments. Adjusting myself back to Jakarta, coming back home after years of living alone. Adjusting to the new role that I take, as an employee. Adjusting to the new routine.

I also got two free concert tickets in November: Gun N Roses and Blackpink lol.

I spent the last day of the year with my high school friends in a friend’s house. Learned to play poker, chit chatted about life, reflected on how the year was for each of us.

Calm and serene.

Despite the sour, sour lemons, I learned a lot in 2018.

Four years of desperation crafted this worrisome and pessimist attitude in me. Contrary after graduating high school, after uni graduation I feel like I have self-confidence issue and I feel like not knowing what I really want or what I have to do next. I am still clueless apparently.

However, knowing the fact how terrible last year was, and I still survived after all gives me this weird strength to carry on. It gives some me kind of positivity and energy for 2019.

I get this epiphany that... maybe life indeed sucks, it still has loadsss of lemons to be thrown at me. There will be more cancelled and altered plans, and there will be other twists, turns, and surprises. Nevertheless, I shall focus on things that I can control and let go the ones I can’t. I shall control my perception and reception towards what’s happening instead of letting it affect me. I shall not waste my energy panicking and thinking too much on things that don’t matter like I did last year (and throughout my uni life also). I shall let go of my fear and let loose, be less rigid.

I shall focus on me and my personal growth, also on people that matters. I want to regain my confidence and cut all the negativities that the past might have caused me. I need to reorganize my life and construct my future plans.

This year, I want to be chill like I was in Bali.

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mjcapstoneproject · 3 years

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User Interviews

Pre-Questions

How old are you?

How do you define your cultural background?

What is your profession/occupation?

How long have you resided in Auckland, New Zealand

Where do you spend most of your time in Auckland when outside of home?

Problem Framing Questions

Do you have any memorable experiences related to social and cultural while being in Auckland? If so, what happened? How did you feel?

How do you think & feel about becoming familiar with other cultures different from yours and having an understanding and embracing attitude towards them?

Have you interacted with groups of people or individuals where they / that person have a different cultural background from you? If so how? What did you feel? Do you have a specific experience you can share?

Have you ever thought about cultural similarities?

How would you feel about knowing connections and similarities between your culture and other cultures in Auckland through a certain resource, platform or education?

How would you feel when you interact with people you don’t know who have different cultures from you, under the conditions that you know cultural similarities exist?

Have you ever learnt about different cultures? If so how?

What sort of medium or content would make you curious towards other cultures? (Food, movies, music, poster, art etc.)

What would motivate you to approach different cultures and discover similarities and connect with them under the circumstances that you are in lockdown?

Responses

Participant : S. Park

Pre-Questions

24 years-old

South Korean & New Zealander

Student at AUT

5-6 years

Uni

Problem Framing Questions

On social media, indirectly, me and my group of friends, we were posting something and this random European person commented something very racist, don’t speak Korean. One time I was also at the bus stop, this old white lady, while I was on phone came up to me and told me to speak english not my language because this is NZL.

I think it is very interesting in Auckland especially because you meet people from many different cultures, and you get to find out about different cultures that you can relate or see differences, I think it is very good. Definitely meeting a lot of different people, helped me to be stereotype-free towards different cultures as there are stereotypes towards certain ethnicities, and through social interaction you understand that this is not the case, it is not what has always been.

In my class, everyone including friends from uni are all from China, some from Vietnam. Before you get to know them, you think it is difficult to be friends, but once you become friends, cultural background did not matter.

I think all Asian cultures are similar to each other, in a way everyone in New Zealand are all immigrants, simply from that we can relate to each other, we know that we’re not 100% kiwi, we don’t have a motherland concept, even with Kiwi, we are just people, race isn’t something you think about unless you are in a situation, they are you colleagues, classmates, but if there are any similarities, all Asians are immigrants. I haven’t had a lot of interest towards other cultures than Asian. I used to have this weird stereotype towards islanders, I thought they don’t go to church, and I got to know they are very great energetic people who go to church, and I realised that we do have similarities, we can relate, when going to church, I started to know about certain people. On Tuesdays they would have bbq night and would invite me. Caring and looking after is in common

I think it would be interesting and supportive, people who don’t live in big cities where there are no multi-cultures, they are not familiar with different cultures, and don’t understand the concept of discrimination. Help people that don’t have knowledge of different cultures. Support them to be more open-minded. Would be good.

I think that would make me more open-minded and I’m a person who find it hard to talk to people I don’t know and work with them, takes me a lot of time to get friendlier. Makes it easier for me to get friendlier and form relationships.

I learnt French in high school and I also tried learning Chinese.

Food gets me curious, secondly music because when I went to Tahiti, this experience changed my whole perspective towards different cultures, I started to like interacting with them. They were all friendly and welcoming and so happy. It made like them a lot. I know that they have good intentions, I also tried searching for their music on youtube. After trying certain foods of the certain culture, it got me more curious towards more types of their food. When you start liking an aspect of a certain culture, you start liking the whole culture.

I think if I know that the people on the platform are good people, but if I do know the people are from my region, if I can benefit somehow, through social interaction, I think it would be beneficial through common interests, section to learn about cultural customs/fun facts, post questions about countries,

widen it to NZL / sense of belonging / for introverts like me it is helpful

Participant : A.Shin

Pre-Questions

23 years-old

Mainly South Korean, but also American,

Student / Part time worker: teach Taekwondo

3 years

School and uni

Problem Framing Questions

A month ago, I was outside and a woman came up to me and asked where a certain place was, I said I don’t know, and then she got mad saying you should know you live here, you’re in my country, your Asian. (discrimination)

I feel like that I have to, so I have no objection, but I wouldn’t go about. Not excessive, but if forced, don’t see why not

Many times, in America and NZL (multi-cultural environment). With Indian friend, we go drinking, play pool, go watch movies, hang out. I feel comfortable, super chill.

No, but I would get to know cultural similarities through conversation

I would feel a more queer connection, more connected, more stuff to talk about, less barriers

I think I would feel more inclined to find similarities of our culture, knowing that cultural similarities during conversations

Yes, been to different countries, interaction with people, certain activities that enlightened me about different cultures eg. 2019 I went to Rotorua, this national park had a Māori show on, and I was watching the show and gained insights of Māori culture. On a daily basis I also interact with different cultures.

Festivals, multi-cultural events, interaction, where you use all your senses to interact with cultures

Social interaction festivals, events, online festival, game in festival, food section, clothing section, music section, performances,

Participant: D. Jeong

Pre-Questions

21 years old

South Korean

Part time worker

3 years

Work, Auckland CBD

Problem Framing Questions

From contrasting Auckland / South Korea - South Korea has more multi-cultural environments for interaction while Auckland is limited- eg. festivals

Positive, I think it is good to learn about new things, new cultures.

Yes, drinking together, taught them Korean drinking culture, it was very fun and I was happy to teach them Korea’s famous drink Soju as I enjoy drinking

I have, which was drinking, it will feel very new to me and I will be very interested.

I think I would be very excited and motivated to interact with them when I know the similarities, with less barriers, feels closer can have more conversations.

Yes, Māori language during high school, through social interaction, got to learn about Chinese culture

Food and music gets me curious towards different cultures

Social interaction and events or locations that I am interested in, depending on workplace through conversations with customers.

Participant: M. Kim

Pre-Questions

23 years old

South Korean

Human Resource Management - Admin / Student

15 years

North Shore

Problem Framing

Not too sure

New Zealand is very multi-cultural so having an acceptance of different culture is pretty easy.

At university, classmates have a different way of communicating and also there were cultural differences of how they would work and I would work. I felt that we do have different cultures inside our community.

I think it would be easier for me to accept different cultures

More accepting of cultural differences

Yes, Māori at uni but I don’t recall

Food definitely gets curious towards cultures, and people because if I know someone from that country (some well known, famous)

Attractiveness, festivals community events, socially interactive environment, digital facebook groups, hangouts meet ups, energetic and hilarious, something that attracts me

Participant: H. Seo

Pre Questions:

23 years old

South Korean

Student / Designer

3 years

Flat / Uni / Auckland CBD

Problem Framing Questions:

Situations involving racism - in Auckland CBD- I was walking down Queen Street, 7pm Auckland CBD/ group of boys and girls who were drunk, (I was wearing a long down jacket) - Excuse me~ are you a polar bear? they were rude - experienced exclusivity. I felt offended and shocked.

I don’t have a negative attitude towards it but I don’t have the motivation. As New Zealand itself is very diverse, I feel that it is important to learn, understand and embrace different cultures, however, I think it really depends on one person’s attitude towards other cultures.

Tongan friend invited me for Christmas dinner, was very interactive through cuisine

Interesting to know, I think we focus on differences too much that we forget that we do have similarities. New Zealand itself is very diverse, and I feel like it is hard to think about similarities.

I think for some people it would be educative and giving insights, and other people might disagree with some

Yes, I used to learn Māori language and their history. Educational course.

Cuisine, similarities between cuisine can create connection, easy to enjoy, food is very effective.

If I find someone very attractive, I would feel very motivated, or if I want to be friends with a specific person, I would try to be respectful of that person’s culture and would try to study. I am particularly comfortable with a friend who has a different culture with me, and she would share her stories of her life and her country and it seemed like her culture had similarities with my culture. I got to know this through conversations and friendship.

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steamishot · 6 years

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Post Valentines Day

it’s been raining all week... and although it was nice for the first day or two, i’m missing the california sunshine. i feel so spoiled that i can barely go a few days without sunshine whereas months of this weather is the reality for a lot of places on our planet.

i’m officially done with my class. i did the most work i ever did for my class the last week and a half or so. i worked intentionally, and not as a perfectionist. i acted more than i thought and i was on the grind. i was okay with my coding not being perfect, as long as i had some output. i was pretty behind, because of my breakup/dating someone new, family coming over for my brother’s wedding, and the wedding, being promoted at work etc... and at one point had like 4 overdue assignments. however, i hustled and pulled things out of my ass and made it work. average grade in the class is an A- (not that grades really matter in this class) but i did alright.

i took this monday off of work to work on my project for class. the morning of, i dreaded texting my supervisor asking for a day off, because of the bad memories i had with my old boss. however, she was super cool about it. i had asked to take a day off for “personal reasons” and she responded with “of course!”. i was also gone on wednesday for i-9 training. so i missed 2 days this week and i’m not super behind, but i’m not on top of things either. but whatever, it’s da freakin weekend.

matt has been stressed out about getting into residency, and it seems like it’s pretty crippling to him. last weekend when we hung out, the plan was to meet at a restaurant in pasadena. it was raining that day. i had arrived there first and he was to arrive in 5 minutes. however, when he got to the parking lot, he received a phone call from his dad saying he got into a car accident and needs him to pick up his grandma who was sitting in the backseat. luckily no one got hurt. so he had to go back to take care of things, his grandma wanted to go to the ER because she was vomiting (i think out of psychological reasons). i waited for him for about a little over an hour, working on my project in my car in the rain. their car (although old) got totaled. but yeah in the 5 months or so i’ve known him, his grandma has been to the ER twice, and his mom once. he was really grateful that i was patiently waiting for him.

on wednesday, we facetimed til like 12:30am... and he semi jokingly asked me if i’m coming with him to new york or florida (if he gets into the residency program there). i said i don’t know. but inside, i was happy that he asked/considered it. ideally, he would get into arrowhead, or if not, another socal school. i really hope he can get in somewhere though and get on with his career in medicine. he also said “i just noticed again that you have double eyelids. that’s pretty good”. which cracks me up whenever i think about it.

yesterday for valentines day, we went to sawtelle and ate at butcher’s dog. i used to go there with david and i haven’t gone since for fear of bumping into him (because he works in that area). we ate happy hour food and it was pretty good. he said “you want to go buy flowers? i feel like i should buy you flowers.” and i was like lol wtf, what am i gonna with flowers. i told him i got him something and not to worry about getting me anything- he can just pay for my food :). anyway, i got him an uni jetstream multicolored pen, which comes in a box. i attached a card that said “you stole my heart” with an anatomical drawing of a rib (without the heart). he was so so touched by my gift and didn’t know how to act and said he needs to process what just happened because no one usually gets him gifts. he was really grateful for what i thought was a small but cute gesture. he made the prayer/thank you gesture with his hands. and he lit up for the rest of the night. prior to that, i could tell he was stressed out/ kinda thinking about residency. he said “you’re something” and “you’re the best”. haha

then we got a hojicha latte next door and walked around looking for maybe dessert. we almost walked into blockheads but decided not to, and we ended up eating a second dinner at hide sushi. it was great- we had yellowtail, albacore, scallop, and toro. throughout the night, he kept thinking about the gift i gave him, saying weird things like “if i stole your heart, how are you alive” and then “i will protect your heart and keep it safe” etc.

ended the night getting some hot chocolate at starbucks. and he got two drinks (he falls for deals, and at the time there was a buy one get one espresso drink, so he got two). we were showing affection/kissing/making out outside of his car at the lower level in the parking lot, which didn’t have many cars. at one point, it got pretty heated as he stuck his hand down my pants and fingered me for a bit. it was so hot haha. then we said bye and drove off.

this weekend, we had planned to go on a small trip somewhere. at first, he thought horseback riding in temecula, then said he’s not 100% ecstatic about that. then he went on to say that he doesn’t find most things that fun anymore or something. and i’m like oh dear, this is like david. and i realized that he’s saying things like this because he’s so fixated on getting into residency and fear of uncertainty. he mentioned that he feels he can’t have fun or go on any big trips right now until he finds out what happens. so it made me see that there’s a human side to everyone. and to learn how to be more empathetic and understanding. that although they are two different guys, some things that guys do are the same. he is going on a volunteering trip to TJ tomorrow, which requires him to wake up at 3:30am and drive to UCLA, where a student org drives the volunteers down to TJ for a full day volunteer event, and they don’t get back until 9pm. we were struggling a little deciding on a place to go for sunday and monday and going back and forth between even going anywhere or not because of the rain and the fact that he’ll be tired from saturday. at first, i was a little annoyed because i thought he was just coming up with reasons as to why we can’t go somewhere, but after more consideration, i realize that he’s just stressed out, and understandably so. he handled the situation about the car accident pretty well and 90% of the time he’s pretty calm in what could be stressful situations. so i think now that he’s showing signs of stress, i should accept it and be there for him (instead of making it all about me me me) because it must be very important to him.

anyway, we decided on san diego. i’ve been doing most of the planning and he just pays for everything haha. most of the times he doesn’t have a preference and just goes along with what i want to do or eat. i feel i am maybe just destined to be the planner in the relationship, but i dont mind it much because he spends a lot of money on us. it was different with david when i used to plan AND pay for stuff. if he can take care of the bigger expenses, and i’ll get him a gift every once in a while and do the planning/make the decisions, i’ll be happy.

after our hangout, he texted me thanks again and he wanted to give me his heart as well. he also said i’m the cutest thing in the world to him, which is like the mushiest he’s been in a while. i told him that i’m honored.

edit: one conversation i want to remember from this night was how we were talking about his weight gain. he said interview season got him stressed out and the abundance of food he gets when he travels to the interviews was the reason why he gained weight. he said prior to that when he was just studying and working out all the time, he weighed 180 and had abs lol. in my head i was like wtf where was i then? anyway, he was wearing a dress shirt from work that day and his neck is bigger from his weight gain. i tried buttoning up the top button but he said he’s too fat now. he started talking about how when fat people lay down it’s hard to breathe because of all the weight that’s on their lungs/chest. i jokingly said yea i know how that feels (when he lies on top of me). and he said well it’s not for the whole night! and then he went on to talk about baby bonding and how mothers are supposed to put their babies back in their crib after bonding with them on her bed. this is so that the mother doesn’t accidentally crush the baby while she’s asleep. he said that he thinks about that when he sleeps with me, like i’m the baby and he’s the mother LOL

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skkcnh · 4 years

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The Story of A Work In Progress

So, I figure it’s only right that I start this thing off with my own story.

But before I get into that, I wanna talk about where the idea comes from. I’m not going to try and pass it off as an original idea because it’s not and, in all honesty, I’m not in the habit of taking credit for anyone else’s idea. The truth is that the idea comes from another fandom, the SPNFamily, and a book called Family Don’t End With Blood. For anyone who’s in the SPN fandom, you’ve probably heard something about the book or you know the line at least, know the depth behind it. For anyone who’s not, I’ll give you the brief version – else I might just ramble on forever.

One of the main themes of Supernatural is family, and the fact that family doesn’t start or end with biological relations. Family is made up of the people that are there for you, the ones who care for you, the ones you can always turn to. As Dean Winchester says, ‘A wise man once told me, 'family don't end in blood. ' But it doesn't start there either. Family cares about you, not what you can do for them family's there; for the good, bad, all of it. They got your back, even when it hurts.’ And that’s what the book is about. It’s about how the SPNFamily, the fans and the actors and the crew, they’re more than just a bunch of people who have one thing in common. It’s more than the show, more than the actors. It’s bigger than any of us.

Reading the stories from actors and fans alike about how they found a place, a community, friends, acceptance within this fandom, well it made me think about how I’d experienced something like that too.

Yes, I experienced it recently on discovering the SPNFamily but I’d experienced first here, in the Varuniac family. And that led me to thinking that I’m probably not the only one who’s experienced it, that I’m not the only one who’s life was changed by a fandom, specifically this fandom. It also made me remember that there was a time before that, a time where I felt like being a fan was something that shouldn’t be advertised. You just didn’t tell people about that, you kept it to yourself, hid behind screen names. And, the most important rule, you didn’t let anyone know anything about the real you; don’t make friends with strangers on the internet.

If it weren’t for this fandom, I’d still be hiding, still be denying who I am.

I’ve not been here since the beginning. In all reality, it doesn’t feel like I’ve been here all that long at all.

When Student of the Year first came out, I was living in San Antonio, Texas – not exactly a place where Bollywood movies were easy to come by, especially when you didn’t know anything about the city. You had to wait to get them when they came out on DVD or popped up on Netflix, something made difficult by the fact that I never knew anything about the films that were coming out. Most of the Indian movies that I watched at that point were the ones I’d stumbled on by chance or, in the case of SOTY, the ones whose songs ended up stuck in my head after YouTube recommended them to me. Having grown up in Leicester, a city that’s multicultural, a city where catching the latest Bollywood film was no more difficult than going to the local Odeon, a weekly occurrence in my family, it wasn’t exactly my idea of a fun place to live – no offence to anyone who does live there.

I was living in a place where it was hard to be proud of my heritage – even within the Indian community that did exist. Coming from a Gujarati family that had made its way to England via Uganda, it wasn’t easy to fit in with the predominantly Hindi speaking community who weren’t exactly fond of ‘banas.’ Especially when I didn’t understand Hindi beyond the dialogues of films like Kuch Kuch Hota Hai.

So I kept to myself, buried myself deeper in books and somehow ended up watching Doctor Who – but that’s a different story.

SOTY changed things a little bit. I didn’t join the fandom when I first watched it, that came a couple of years later still. But, for the first time since I was about eleven years old, I was looking for Bollywood films again. And I’d forgotten how much I loved them. Sure, I’d watched KKHH, K3G and films of the like about a million times over but it wasn’t the same as watching one for the first time, watching something new.

Not long after, I ended up with a concussion which kinda completely changed my life. A long series of events lead to me finishing high school before I was supposed to and my parents finally deciding to move back home – which was exactly what I’d been wanting.

In my head, moving back home would be some magic fix it. After six and a half years of being the new British kid in a different school every year because, for some reason, we couldn’t seem to just settle on one town, being unable to fit in, I would be going back to the place where I felt I belonged.

And coming home did fix somethings but it couldn’t fix the fact that I’d left. That, while I was missing my friends, waiting for the day I’d see them again, they’d all moved on and didn’t really care too much about me anymore.

So I was back home, in yet another new school, and there was still something missing.

Fast-forward a year and a half and I’d made three pretty good friends – though only one of them managed to last past the end of college – and I was pulling good grades. I had my books, had Doctor Who, the one TV show I was still watching at this point, and a little one-and-a-half-year-old monster who kept me entertained. I wasn’t a loner at school anymore either.

Despite all that, I didn’t quite feel like me.

I don’t think I really noticed it at first. I kept doing the things I had been, kept reading, kept writing, kept doing all the things that I thought made me who I was. The thing that sixteen-year-old me didn’t quite understand was that I was only still doing those things because I was desperate to cling to the things that had always been part of me. Apart from reading, which has always and likely will always be my escape, there wasn’t the same feeling to doing those things.

I kept writing and drawing and doing those creative things because that had always been the way I defined myself, the way everyone else defined me too. I was the creative one, the imaginative one. And to feel like that was slipping away, well that sucked. Because, for as long as I could remember, the only things I’d really wanted to be were an artist or a writer. Even when those things were deemed to be impractical, when my dad insisted that I follow a career path that would ‘actually get me somewhere in life,’ I clung onto those dreams.

And then, one night, I’m in Edinburgh for an open day at a uni and I ended up watching Humpty Sharma ki Dulhunia and, for the first time in like ever, I found myself wanting more of a film.

So, I did the logical thing and tried to figure out if there were any deleted scenes floating around on the web and stumbled across promotions and interviews instead. I figured there wasn’t much harm in watching one or two, especially when I didn’t have much else to do. And then one or two turned into three and four and five.

Again, I won’t lie, it was Varia that hooked me first, purely because shipping was something that I understood. Every TV show I have ever watched and every book I’ve ever read has ended up with me adding at least one more ship to the ever-growing list. But ships aren’t exactly fandom – even if this one kinda has its own little fandom. And, like I said, being part of a fandom was still something I didn’t really know how to do. But eventually, I started searching for more about the actors individually, watching and reading interviews

I’d never really watched any kind of interviews before. Sure, I considered myself to be part of some fandoms, sure I enjoyed the shows and books and movies, but I didn’t look for the behind the scenes info, didn’t really think about the actors or anything beyond what I saw on the screen. In all honesty, I hadn’t ever really realised that there was more to any of it, that fandoms existed for things beyond the content, hadn’t really understood the full extent of them.

But here I was, looking for interviews of this actor, itching to get my hands on the two other films in his filmography and eagerly awaiting the next one on the list.

And not only was I looking for interviews and films, actually buying DVDs for myself for the first time in my memory, but that creative spark that had all but been extinguished, that was back too.

It’s strange really, how somehow all of a sudden, the desire to write was back. Some might call it nothing more than a coincidence, that it just so happened that I found something to write about again at the same time I ended up in this fandom. But that’s not true. Not only did I feel like writing again, I could literally hear dialogues in my head, hear them being delivered perfectly, ready to be written. Which is something that had literally never happened to me. Dialogue had never really been my forté in all honesty, I was more about the detail.

I’m not gonna say that my writing was brilliant right from the get go because, let’s be real, we all know that’s not true – especially for any of you who might know of my account on Wattpad – but it was a start at least. A start that lead to me actually writing and publishing a novel, reaching that dream that had always seemed kinda impossible. I already had an account on Wattpad at this point, one that I’d written an NCIS story on but, other than that, used only for reading. I had no idea that Wattpad has a pretty massive Indian community to be honest. In all honesty, the only reason I’d signed up for a Wattpad account in the first place was because I’d been through most of the NCIS archive on fanfiction.net and hadn’t yet discover AO3.

You can imagine my surprise when, I’m not even sure how, I stumble across a story tagged with #varundhawan. And, even more surprising, there’s a lot of them.

Seeing that, I decided to take a chance and type up the words that were floating through my head and post them as a story. I’d posted fic before but I’d never really got a response to it and just kinda stopped trying. But, I posted this story, nervous as all hell, and then tried my best not to think about it. Because everyone always says to write for yourself but that doesn’t mean it’s easy to post a story and get no response, to see that nobody is reading it.

Which is why I was a little shocked to see that I was getting reads and votes and comments.

Now, anyone who knows me knows that awkward human mode is pretty much my default setting so I had a hard time responding to comments but I made myself do it and, slowly, I started to talk to people. We had little conversations in the comments and then we started messaging.

Next thing I know, I’m getting on twitter and discovering that this fandom is even bigger than I’d ever imagined. I’d never really used twitter before; I’d signed up to be able to follow authors, get updates on books because it seemed Facebook was becoming obsolete in that respect, but after a couple days of trying to navigate that app, I’d found myself confused and deleted it.

But this time I made myself figure out how to use it, something that feels like a small accomplishment now when I use it every day but, back then, felt like something huge. I didn’t really interact with people too much thanks to that annoying little friend of mine called social anxiety but it didn’t matter because the people I did interact with, they welcomed me warmly and spoke to me freely and they are, to this day, some of the best friends I have ever had, friends who I still talk to on an almost daily basis. Friends who reminded me what friends are really supposed to be. Friends who encourage me and support me, who are always there for me when I need them. Better friends than almost anyone who I’ve ever met in real life.

Those friends and that support got me through some of the shittiest times I’ve ever had. Talking to them has been the bright spot in some of the darkest days, the thing that got me through days at uni when I felt like I was just being completely overwhelmed and I wanted to give up – even though they might not know it.

And besides that, seeing the way people within the fandom interact, the way they support each other as well as the actor we’re all here for, that is one of the most uplifting things I’ve ever experienced.

I know that I don’t really participate in the fandom, I don’t know many people, despite the fact that I feel like I want to, I just don’t know how to talk to people. But I’m learning to, trying to. And I don’t think I ever would if it weren’t for this fandom. It’s given me a voice – or rather, helped me to find my own. I’m still developing it, I probably will be for a long time, and I don’t doubt that it will take me some time to find enough confidence to be able to talk to people freely, to not overthink every single time I want to tweet, but I’m getting there.

I don’t hide as much as I used to, don’t try to stop people from knowing who I am. I don’t care if people think I’m a dork or nerdy or whatever the hell else because I’m a fan. It took me a really long time to realise that there’s nothing wrong in it, that being a fan isn’t something to be looked down on but something to be proud of. And, most importantly, it’s a part of who I am, part of what makes me me.

I don’t know if I ever would have discovered that if it wasn’t for this fandom. Being part of this fandom has helped me to figure out who I am – and that who I am isn’t something to be ashamed of. I found myself and I found my best friends, I found my voice and I found people who want to listen to it.

And no matter how many years pass, no matter what anyone might think, I will always be thankful for that. There are other fandoms that I’m part of, other fandoms that I’ve allowed myself to embrace, to be a part of in almost the same way but that never would have happened if I hadn’t found myself here first. And no fandom will ever be the same because this is where it all started for me.

And now, I’m gonna wrap this up because I think I could go on forever and I know I’ve already gone on a while. So, if any of you took the time to read this all, thank you and I hope at least a little of my rambling made some kind of sense. And, if there is anyone out there who needed to hear that, to hear that it’s okay to be a fan, to be different no matter what the world might say, I hope that this might’ve helped, even just a little bit.

One last thing before I go though: remember, your perception of weird depends on your definition of normal so you do you, whatever and whoever that may be. Because you are definitely awesome

#varun #varundhawan #varuniac #story

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