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vintagemulti · 9 months

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shards and splinters

parings: marc spector x reader , steven grant x reader

desc: apparently what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. now you’ve died and returned alive, perhaps it’s time to test that theory; or risk losing your life once and for all.

warnings: blood, angst, swearing, fighting, guns and gun violence, death descriptions, long as fuck, sex mentions i guess(? if you squint), hurt/comfort, gory i guess (jake🤷🏻‍♀️) writers note: idk how accurate these are bc i’ve been writing this on and off for years but cover all bases i guess xx

a/n: psa to pls reblog anyway she’s BAAAAAACKKK did you miss me ?? i missed youse … if there’s even a moonknight fandom anymore 🫣 i’m so sorry for the 2 years gone from the face of tumblr, i’ve quite honestly had two years from hell and insane writers block so. can anyone even remember this series?? idk maybe you should all reread the first parts 👀👀 anyways. there’ll be one more part to this (will it come this year? next? 2026? who knows…) bc i HATED my original ending and just had to change it. also sorry if this feels rushed or like it jumps around a lot, it’s been written over YEARS, but i’ve tried my best for continuity. also, i know there’s a lot missing in like fight scenes but they are BORING and i hate writing em so i’m not doing it. tried, got half way thru then didn’t touch this for 7 months so.. it’s no fight scene or no part at all. but my last part is pretty much done so hopefully it’ll be posted soon! ill let youse savour this for a while tho lol. on a real note thank you all SO much for all the love, even two years later. it means the world. all my love, all the time x

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the air felt different now. it was funny; you and marc had been apart hundreds, if not thousands of times, but he had never felt your absence. not like this. no, never like this. it was different now because he knew he could look for you everywhere and you would still be in that room, not breathing, not living.

he could see it all so clearly now. all of what? all of it. everything; life, your life, his life, where everything went wrong, what he should have done, should have said, how he could have saved you.

there was nothing you could have done, marc.

“that’s easy for you to say.” he mumbled, looking down at his hands. “you’re not the one who was halfway through a fucking argument when harrow took her. and if you can remember, harrow took her because of me.”

steven sighed, and went quiet.

“i should’ve died on that fucking alter.”

marc said it over and over, like a prayer, to go back in time and pull the trigger. he was fuck knows where, it looked like the middle of the desert but marc didn’t care enough to question it.

he had walked out of that pyramid and kept on walking - for hours. the hot egyptian sun had began to set, casting a rosy hue on everything. the humidity make marc’s head ache.

steven had gone silent - a small hum of anger in the back of marc’s head. it usually would have surprised marc, for steven to be the angry one. but he wasn’t sure he would never feel surprised again.

are you going to wallow here forever?

marc looked up, low sun glinting in his eyes, making him squint. but he could tell exactly who it was - crescent staff in his peripheral.

“fuck off.”

khonshu laughed. that’s one way to talk to a god.

“fuck off.” he repeated.

and why should i, mortal? why should i listen to you?

“you did this.” it was stiff, cold, a definite statement. “you did this to us.”

khonshu groaned, moving to block the sun from marc’s eyes so he could see him properly. aren’t you going to question how i am here?

“no.”

perhaps you should.

marc could never cope with khonshu’s riddles. they had always infuriated him - never getting a straight answer. but this one, he could tolerate.

“fuck does that mean?” he was looking directly into khonshu’s eyes now - something he had readily avoided for years. “and don’t give me any of your goddamn riddles.”

if you must be so blunt, it would seem like osiris has taken a liking to your poor lady wife. hathor isn’t half fond of her, either. maybe you ought to go back to the pyramid, something tells me your needed.

and he was gone. disappeared with a gust of wind, leaving marc alone in the saharan sunset, shaking and still covered in his wife’s blood.

she’s alive?

“i-” marc looked around. “i don’t-”

his eyes slipped into the back of his head.

steven took a deep breath, swallowing hard. he set off in a run - towards the pyramid.

“this feels so fucking weird.”

you were pressed flat against the wall, peeking around every few seconds to make sure one of harrow’s followers wasn’t coming your way.

i must admit, it’s been a while since i’ve had an avatar.

you let out a breathy laugh. was that your first ever laugh since being revived? you supposed it must be. oh, you wished it was one of steven’s jokes you were laughing at instead.

you didn’t think you’d ever find one of his jokes unfunny again.

“where is he?”

it’s hard to tell. i can’t check, unless i’d like ammit to spot me.

humming, you looked around the corner once again, breath hitching when you saw a shadow come closer.

what made your breath stop completely, however, was the slow, melodic tapping of a cane, following every footstep the person took.

harrow was less than two feet away from you.

swallowing hard, you pushed yourself against the wall even harder, back cold against the concrete. you hoped - prayed with your newfound faith in osiris and his mercy - that harrow would turn back the other way, not hearing your thumping heart.

but your luck had ran out for this lifetime.

the tapping of the cane became louder, until you could see the tip of it in your peripheral, crunching glass finally becoming audible. he was about to come around the corner, and see you. you would be impossible to miss, even the bright red of your new outfit making you stand out.

it seemed like it was impossible to escape harrow, and the tapping of his cane. he had killed you once, what would stop him from doing it again?

apparently, a guardian angel. someone spoke, making harrow turn to look behind him.

this was your chance - to slip away and turn the opposite corner, escape harrow in your new life as you couldn’t in your last.

his voice made you flinch. cool, charming, low. like a snake - exactly like a snake, now you thought about it. the way he slid through life, from the bar all those years ago, to now, awakening a centuries old god, aiming to destroy the world.

you could slither away too, though.

still holding your breath, you sidestepped along the wall, making sure to watch your step over any lose stones, until the wall fell away behind you and led you into another corridor.

as soon as the light from the hall had faded, you let out your breath, hands coming to your forehead and rubbing your eyes.

we have to keep moving. ammit is almost ready to begin.

nodding - although it felt like your brain was rattling around your skull - you looked back up and saw hathor, still looking as beautiful as ever.

this hallway was much dimmer than the last. colder, too. it was like all the light had been blocked, the only thing keeping your vision was the small, fading candles lining the walls every meter or so.

perhaps it was your natural instinct, or a new given sense as an avatar, but you could tell - something wasn’t right. something in the air had shifted, on top of the hot, sticky, egyptian heat, there was something sinister.

your years as a mercenary had taught you to recognise something - blood in the air. and there was certainly blood in the air around you.

“what is harrow’s plan?”

he wants to judge people. through ammit, he believes he can rid the world of everyone bad, even if they aren’t already bad.

“so he’s playing god?” the corridor seemed to go on forever.

he would never admit it, but yes. and ammit is the perfect enabler for him, she’ll know exactly what he’s up to, but because he can give her her power back, she’ll play along.

you scoffed lightly. “harrow isn’t stupid either. he’ll know what she thinks.”

hathor shrugged, a few paces in front of you. only time will tell, my dear.

for a few minutes, the walk along the corridor was silent. the tap of your shoes echoed down the hall, breeze from your passing flickering the candles on the wall.

why did you marry him?

it stopped you in your tracks, hathor stopping too.

“what?”

marc. why did you marry him?

you stuttered for a moment, looking around as if someone would come and help you.

i don’t mean it in a rude way. i’m the goddess of love, it’s natural for me to want to know.

“well,” you paused for a moment and began walking again, slower this time. “we were young when we met, i was coming up for 18 and he was 19.”

and?

“and i knew what i had done to him.” you swallowed. “i felt fucking awful, i thought, maybe if i get to know the guy, and he’s not as much of an ass as everyone makes him out to be, it’ll make it easier for me to forgive myself.”

the corridor kept on, as if it were never ending.

“as you can tell, it didn’t work.”

he wasn’t as much of an asshole as everyone thought?

“no, he was,” you gave a dry smile. “it just so happened that assholes are my type, and i think he worked it out pretty quickly. so after only about two months of knowing each other, he asked me on a date. a real date. it was my first ever date too, god knows anton never took me out. but god, he was such a gentleman.

he picked me up, gave me flowers, wore a fucking tie. and he payed for everything, too. dinner at a four star restaurant, a movie, then out to a bar for drinks.

i knew i had fucked up when he kissed me that night.”

you regret it?

“not for a day. and that’s my mistake- i mean, i was supposed to hate him. i told myself i would hate him. so i wouldn’t feel bad about telling someone to kill him. i didn’t even know how he got out alive- he didn’t tell me about the khonshu shit until after we got married.

oh, our wedding,” you smiled again, a real one. “it was perfect. i was twenty one, marc was twenty three. we were so young. it was a small wedding, just some friends, neither of us invited our family. it was the best night of my life.

it was the night i met steven, too. i think the stress of the day must have triggered it. and that was it- there was marc, and there was steven.”

didn’t it take a while to get used to?

the corridor began to open up, getting slightly wider by the meter. still - there was no end to it in sight.

“it did and it didn’t. i knew for a while there was something happening to him, he would disappear, look confused all the time. i knew it was a matter of time until something changed. and then came steven, perfect steven.

he changed so much- it was like dating all over again. he was even more perfect than marc, stupid english accent included. but, naturally, abuthing that’s perfect must come to an end.”

hathor sighed. and it gave you the impression, just for a moment, that she already knew the whole story. that she was humouring you by letting you tell it. her sigh, sad and resigned, almost confirmed that she knew what was coming.

“the-” you stopped. your voice had broken, and your feet no longer moved. hathor continued for a few paces before looking back at you.

i understand, but if there’s any time you need to tell this, it’s now.

“you know?” you voiced your suspicions.

take into account which god i am, my dear. there is no one else i could chose, but you.

you swallowed. “what’s the point of talking about it if you already know?”

you have been born again. revived. would you like to carry this, this horrible vendetta against someone who has done nothing but love you, for the rest of your new life?

“no.”

then voice it. i can take this pain from you, if you only ask me too. i can help you.

you bit your tongue, looking down at your feet and kicking around a few of the loose rocks. hathor waited.

“the baby was supposed to be born just after my twenty-third birthday.”

a beat. hathor didn’t reply.

“but he didn’t live past twelve weeks.”

you looked back up at hathor, anxious for a reply. she didn’t give you one, only nodding.

“i don’t- i don’t know what i did. i was waiting until i could get a scan, tell marc, have it done properly, you know? but when i went to my appointment, i knew. she didn’t say anything, she just looked. then she left, got the doctor to come in.

he said that the baby had died, that they weren’t sure of the cause, but it was a boy. that my baby boy had died.”

tears threatened your eyes. never - never - had you spoken about this before. not even with marc.

“i went home, with a hatred in my heart. the next few days were the worst. i was grieving a child no one knew i even had. the blood was horrible, it hurt so badly. i told marc i was on my period. fuck, for all he knew i was.

and then my baby was gone. and i hated marc.”

why did you hate him?

you shrugged. “i have no idea. i needed someone to blame and marc was the easiest. that’s when it all went downhill, you know? i wanted him to be there for me, for something he didn’t even know happened. and when he wasn’t, i blew up at him. and he blew up at me.

and that was it, for three years. this horrible hatred towards each other, me hating marc for something he knew nothing about, and marc hating me for every other reason.

he hated me the most for making him stay a mercenary. he wanted out, he wanted a normal life in the suburbs with a dog and a big house and maybe, one day, a child.

but i can’t have that. i don’t want that kind of normal - not when i was so close to it and lost it. so i pushed him into this world. i made him take jobs and work himself to death, even when i found out about khonshu. i made him do it.

and that’s why we’re here. because i told him to follow khonshu here. and now look what i’ve done.”

hathor took two, wide steps towards you, and cradled your face in her hands.

you have done nothing that makes you inhumane. none of this mess is you fault. khonshu would have gotten marc here one way or another. anyone in your shoes would be the same.

her hands were warm. you felt a tear fall, running underneath her fingers. “but i’ve been so horrible. i’m a monster - if not for this, for everything else.”

hathor shook her head. you are a human being.

there was silence as you cried and hathor wiped your tears. at least two minutes passed - but it didn’t matter to you. harrow could come running around the corner and you wouldn’t bat an eyelash.

hathor took a deep breath, looking to her left along the corridor. she opened her mouth to speak, but before she could, another figure appeared.

is now a bad time, human?

you flinched at the rough edge in khonshu’s voice. “what do you want?”

what do i want? there’s a long list.

even through your tears, your patience thinned. “seriously?”

hathor took her hands from your face, turning to look at khonshu. enough of your riddles. just tell her.

the unmistakable sound of footsteps, running, drew your attention. they were getting closer.

i don’t think i have to say a word, actually.

just as khonshu had finished, a figure appeared, coming around the twists and turns of the corridor.

your heart stopped.

marc looked around in a daze, eyes falling first on khonshu, then on hathor, then…

“y/n!”

just as he had stopped running, he started again, coming towards you like a lion out of his cage, wrapping his arms around you and lifting you off of your feet.

“oh baby,” he mumbled into your neck.

you had just reached - wrapping your arms around him in equal tightness, hands flying into his hair. oh, god. his hair - his curls, his skin - you’d never take it for granted again.

he pulled back, hands on your cheeks in a mirror image to hathor. his eyes locked into yours, brown irises melting into his pupils, filling with tears.

marc stuttered, trying to get several sentences out at once, before you hushed him.

“please, marc, we don’t have much time. harrow is gonna-”

“i know,” he nodded, eyes still not breaking from yours. “i know- baby, i know. please- please, just give me a minute. i never- i thought i’d never- oh, baby.”

he leaned in, moving his hands out of the way to rest his forehead against yours. he was hot - sticky with sweat and dirt and, although you didnt want to think about it, your blood.

“i know,” you whispered, closing your eyes. “marc, i know.”

barely having finished your sentence, he leaned in and kissed you.

it was like the first kiss all over again, and you supposed it was. hot, needy, passionate, desperate. you could live in this moment.

but the unmistakable sound of khonshu clearing his throat broke your kiss.

if you wouldn’t mind, harrow is about to release ammit. i’m sure your couples catch-up can wait another hour.

“yeah,” you nodded, breaking away, but marc was far more hesitant to let go.

“i can’t-” he looked around, paranoid. “i can’t do this, y/n. i just lost you, i can’t run the risk of losing you again, i’ve never- y/n, i can’t let you go, you’re everything to me, and if harrow- oh god, what did harrow do to you? i swear to god, the minute i see him, i’m gonna-”

he blinked. a beat.

“paranoid git never did know when to be quiet, did he?”

“oh, steven,” you threw your arms around him again. “fucking hell.”

steven, unlike marc, seemed far more willing to let you go. “love, i know, but if we don’t go now, we’re all gonna end up dead. please, we can do this all after, yeah?”

he took your hands in his, stilling your shaking fingers. he was so warm - always so warm.

“okay,” you nodded, looking between him and the gods beside you. “okay.”

you had severely underestimated how far harrow was willing to go. it had been what felt like hours, an unrelenting fight. you weren’t even sure when layla showed up, hoping to help you in any way she could.

but her attempts were futile; ammit was huge. really - huge, bigger than the pyramid behind her. khonshu had, as usual, gotten involved too, so that meant he was the same size, almost trampling you with every step he took.

you had tried. really, you had. you’d tried to use your new found avatar abilities to at least land something on harrow, but truth be told, you were failing. he’d hit you far more times that you’d even aimed for him, you were covered in cuts and rapidly forming bruises, you were sure your shoulder was dislocated.

but worst of all? your head wasn’t right. you weren’t sure what was wrong with it - it seemed fine every time you focused on identifying the issue, but every time you weren’t paying attention, it was there again. dizzy, a ringing in your eyes, everything a second or two behind; your vision lagging and cloudy. but just as you’d notice it, it was gone.

it was getting worse, too. you could see marc out of the corner of your eye; he was one to one with harrow. it would have made you anxious if you could properly focus on what was going on. but you couldn’t - your thought were scattered, a ringing back tenfold in your ears, the world had gone distant and hazy.

the doctors told you it was a concussion the next morning. layla had actually came in very handy, able to translate the man’s arabic into english for you.

he had told you that you’d sustained a massive head injury - you figured it would have been investigated, if you hadn’t been one of the people there last night.

‘there’ was all people could talk about. first the sky had gone backwards (you’d missed that part, thanks to being dead), then, out of nowhere, two ancient egyptian gods had appeared, destroying all the buildings in their wake, pyramids too.

it wasn’t that you couldn’t remember it. you could - it was clear in every aspect. it just didn’t feel like you’d been there at all. even the build up to it, every moment from when you’d stepped out of that pyramid, hand in hand with steven, hot air hitting your face;

it wasn’t you.

well, obviously it was you. but it wasn’t the same you. everything felt different, you didn’t have the same emotions you did before. the same key ones, yes, like how you felt about marc, and steven, and who you are as a person, but basic thing, like fear, and compassion? it was gone.

you’d have voiced this to a doctor if you could put ‘i died and got brought back to like by an ancient god, but not the same one who destroyed half of your city last night, sorry about that, by the way’ into layman’s terms.

trauma induced dissociation was enough of a label for you. it fit - everything just felt a little hazy, was all. not that you’d asked your doctor, a google search (excluding the resurrection part) had taken you to pages and pages about dissociation and how it’s normal to feel it after a traumatic event. you were pretty sure dying was a traumatic event.

and yes, you could bring it up to your doctor, he was payed to help you, after all. but there was a strange gnawing in the back of your head: that if you voiced this feeling, it would only get worse, and the happy ending you and your husband currently had would be shred in two because you couldn’t feel properly.

so instead, you listened to his professional diagnosis; a severe concussion, fractured rib, dislocated shoulder, several cosmetic wounds, and mental trauma that would be discovered at a later point, if you ever got around to voicing it to a doctor.

what a lovely shopping list, you thought.

it was three days before they let you out, and marc wasn’t getting out for another two after that. you’d had to beg him to even go to the hospital in the first place, but now he was getting the medical attention he’d needed for years, he seemed content in his hospital bed. not that he’d ever admit it.

with two days to yourself (not nights, you’d go back to the hospital and stay with marc), you decided to have the egyptian holiday you had come for.

the first stop was obvious; buy clothes. all of the ones you had were either covered in blood or halfway shredded. once you’d achieved this, in a new white linen sundress (cut below the knees to hide the still raw scars), you felt just slightly lost.

of course, you weren’t lost, you were always quick to get your bearings in new places - mercenary years had left you with a few skills, after all - and you kept yourself in a fairly small area, close to the hospital in case you got an emergency call.

no - the feeling of being lost came from deep down. ever since you’d come back to life it was the same, a strange longing for something you couldn’t quite put your finger on. something you felt you just had to have, maybe not right now, but in the near future. the hazy feeling had already begun to pass, you were sure google had served you well. but it left behind this in its wake, a new, even stranger feeling.

a breeze blew your hair lightly as you looked down the street in front of you. it was picturesque, all kinds of small shops and cafes as far as you could see. you could hear kids playing somewhere, a baby crying in the distance.

the lost-longing feeling piqued at this.

“oh.” you breathed. “oh.”

beside you, hathor, dressed in a golden, floor length dress and looking beautiful as ever, laughed.

oh, indeed. did you forget which god i am?

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angstysebfan · 10 months

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My Roommates Boyfriend - Chapter 1

Pairing: Bucky x female reader AU: Modern Story Summary: Your roommate’s (Nat) boyfriend and you do not get along. You don’t even know why anymore. When she moves across the country for a new job, you both begrudgingly drive her car to her new home. Adventure, angst, and secrets come alive.

A/N: This is another rewrite. Hope you enjoy this. This was one of my first stories that I loved but I wanted to make it better. Hopefully I succeeded. lol

Warning: Cursing, angst (duh lol)

Friday nights were always movie night in your apartment. This one, however, was extra special because your roommate, Natasha, was moving the next day across the country. So this will be your last one, sadly. You were hoping it would just be you girls, but of course Natasha’s douchebag of a boyfriend, Bucky, just had to be there too.

You sit on the love seat, while the couple cuddles on the couch. You can’t help but look over occasionally and see Bucky give Nat kisses on her head and lips every few minutes. You actually feel bad for the guy, since they agreed to end their relationship once Nat leaves, but then you remember you hate his guts, so fuck him.

You and Nat met 5 years ago, when you rented a room in this apartment from her. She was a little intimidating at first, but loyal to a fault. You knew that she would always be in your corner, and you both became best friends. She was the closest person to you since your family is basically nonexistent.

Around a year ago, you were both at the bar enjoying drinks when you both saw a group of men also having a good time. That's where you first saw Bucky Barnes sitting with a group of friends. You would be lying if you said he didn’t catch your eye, but when Nat expressed interest you immediately backed off. By the end of the night, Nat was going home with him, shooting you a wink as they walked out the door.

You were jealous, but didn’t hold any ill-will against her. After a few weeks of dating, Nat invited Bucky over to your apartment to meet you and have a movie night. You smiled sincerely, hiding your jealousy, and extended your hand to shake his, but he just completely blew you off. You were somewhat confused, but figured maybe he was shy around new people.

His attitude towards you, however, never got better no matter how many times he came over to your home or how many times you hung out with a group. He would always sneer and scoff at you, or made small insults directed at you. It bothered you, a lot, but you tried your best to ignore it. You've never had this reaction from someone before, but after awhile you started fighting back. You were tired of his bullshit.

Thus began your year long loathing relationship. You still tried to ignore him whenever you could, but he knew how to press your buttons, and you would then snap. What sucked even more was that you still thought he was the most beautiful man you'd ever seen. You knew he was a good guy based on how he treated Nat, but couldn't understand why he had hatred for you.

Nat constantly begged you both to get along, especially after you told her that you were initially attracted to him as well. However no matter what, nothing good ever came out of you and Bucky being in the same room. You decided to call a truce for tonight since it was Nat’s last night.

When the movie ended, Nat and Bucky started heading to her room. You knew you would be sleeping with headphones on to block out the noise coming from her room. Before entering the room Nat walked over and gave you a big hug.

“I’m leaving early, so I will say goodbye now,” she said, sniffing back her tears.

You felt the tears coming to your eyes and you hug her back. “I'll see you next week, when I bring you your car, remember?” you ask softly so your own voice didn't crack.

Suddenly, you heard a throat clearing. “Uh, what?” Bucky said, walking over to the two of you. “Babe, I thought I was bringing your car next week,” he said, looking at Nat with pleading eyes.

Nat looked between the two of you and sighed. “Look, you’re my best friend, you’re my boyfriend. I want you both to come next week and say a proper goodbye. So you'll both have to suck up sitting in a car together for a few days. Got it?” Nat said with authority.

You gaped at Nat and then looked at Bucky. He looked pissed, but was wise enough to keep his mouth shut. Suddenly a smirk appeared on his face.

“I bet I could get you to reconsider,” he said seductively.

Your stomach flipped hearing his voice like that, but you stayed as emotionless as possible. Nat, however pursed her lips at Bucky.

“Listen, Bucky. Whatever issues you have with Y/N, bury them. She's my best friend, and I want to show her my new place and give her a proper goodbye just like I want to do with you. If you care about me, at all, you will suck up your pride and attitude, and take this drive with her. Please?” she asks, almost whining.

Bucky rolls his eyes and looks at you. “Fine, but you better not do anything to piss me off or I will leave you on the side of the road,” he says to you.

Now you roll your eyes. “Whatever Barnes. Just meet me here at 5 am on Thursday and we'll head out,” you say.

He nods, then picks up Nat carrying her into her room. Nat lets out a squeal and laughs the whole way into the room. Once the door closes, you quickly go into your room in search of your headphones. It doesn’t take long before you hear the moans coming through the walls.

–

You wake up with a start, and look at the clock, 4:45 am. You knew Nat was still here, so you quickly jump up to say goodbye. When you walk out of your room, you see Bucky carrying her suitcases out into the living room. You ignore him and walk into Nat’s room. She's surprised to see you, but smiles.

“If you feel like you forgot anything, let me know and I will make sure to bring it next week, okay,” you say trying and failing not to cry.

She nods and pulls you into tight hug. Tears immediately fall from your face as you again say goodbye to the woman who became your best friend. You walk hand in hand out into the living room, where Bucky is waiting.

“Cab's downstairs babe,” he says quietly.

You can tell he is holding back emotions as well. You give Nat another quick hug and send her on her way. You run to the window to watch her depart. You see Bucky place the suitcases into the trunk, then pull Nat into a hug. They kiss passionately for what feels like forever. As Nat gets into the cab, you see Bucky wiping tears from his eyes. The cab pulls away with your best friend as Bucky just stands there with his hands in his pockets. He then turns and walks back into your building.

You sit on the the couch, crying softly, missing Nat already. Bucky comes back in and looks at you.

“I’ll, uh, get out of your apartment in a few, just want to grab some more of my stuff," he says.

You nod, “Yeah, um... take your time, I know this is hard.”

He scoffs, “Yeah, like you know how hard it is to see your girlfriend, whom you've fallen head over heels for, leave you behind. I’ve never even seen you date,” he says as he walks back into Nat’s room.

You gape at the open doorway of Nat’s room. What the hell was that? You were being nice! You growl as you stand up, walking to the door.

“Ya know Bucky, I really don’t know why you hate me, when all I've only ever tried to be was nice to you. After next week, you'll never have to see my face again, okay. I’m sure you're very happy to know that. So can we just try and be civil for another week, please?” you ask, exasperated.

Bucky looks at you, and you think you see shame on his face. “Yeah, whatever. I’ll see you Thursday, 5 am. Be ready.”

Then he grabs the box on the bed and walks out of the room and out of the apartment. It’s the first time you're actually alone in your apartment. You go back into your room, lay on your bed and cry.

–

The week flew by, and before you knew it, it was the night before you were leaving. You hadn’t seen nor heard from Bucky since Nat left, so you decided to text him to make sure he remembered you were leaving.

Hey Bucky, it’s Y/N. Just wanted to confirm we're leaving tomorrow at 5.

How the fuck did you get my number? And yeah, I know we're leaving tomorrow, I’m not an idiot.

You can’t help but roll your eyes at his rudeness.

Nat gave me your number awhile ago, in case I couldn’t get in touch with her for some reason when you guys were out together. And I never said you were stupid. I just haven’t heard from you and wanted to confirm. Get the fucking stick out of your damn ass!

Well after this trip, delete this number. I’ll be there at 4:45.

Looking forward to it.

You want to throw your phone out the window. You hated Bucky Barnes with a fiery passion! What you hated more was the fact that you know how much you don’t actually hate him. This road trip is going be interesting.

Chapter 2

Looking forward to rewriting this story. If you haven't read the original, don't worry. If you have, I hope you like the changes. Feedback is appreciated.

Permanent Taglist: Permanent Taglist: @rebekahdawkins @marajade1974 @missvelvetsstuff @phillygirl77 @pattiemac1 @winterslove1917 @vampire7595 @unkasworld @midnightramyeoncravings

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky angst #james buchanan barnes #james bucky barnes #bucky x y/n #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes angst #bucky x you #bucky x natasha #bucky x female reader #Bucky is an asshole #enemies to lovers #misunderstanding

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atlasisreal · 1 year

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YOU WERE AT *WHAT*????????????????????

yes it's true. the atlasisreal deep lore is that I attended dashcon in 2014.

that me 💕

anyways if you wanna hear my recollection of dashcon it's under the cut.

i was literally just a teenager at the time but seeing dashcon ads on Tumblr I was like. it's in Schaumburg??? like 30min from me??? I HAVE to go this is going to be the coolest thing ever. I love Tumblr all my mentally ill friends and supernatural gifs are on that website. I bet they're gonna have the coolest party ever.

LMAOOOOO

so i asked for the dashcon tix for my birthday! it was for me and my best friend (who attended and even cosplayed Homestuck with me despite not knowing anything about it) and my mom, who was mostly excited about staying in the nice hotel and swimming in the pool. I was so hype for this. anyways we get there and as people have previously talked about vis a vis dashcon, it was so hilariously underwhelming. the first thing you had to do was walk into the registration hall. I think most people have seen pics but they had written "Welcome DashCon" or something to that effect on the ground using blue painters tape, and the hall was empty asf which was really funny because they had set the table up aaaaaall the way at the back so you just got to walk across this big empty hall towards ONE PERSON sitting at a table (who in retrospect I'm pretty sure was the 19 year old they'd foisted this thing onto). she was super nice at the time though so shout out to that interaction.

we pretty much immediately headed for the only actual show floor area, which was the artists alley. if dashcon attendees are hard to find, I'm sure dashcon exhibitors are fucking unicorns bc there was... maybe 30 booths, if I'm being very generous. that being said, I got to meet nd Stevenson at dashcon! he was really nice, and complimented my cosplay. it's kind of fun to get to say I met the artist and author behind nimona and lumberjanes and she-ra at fucking DASHCON lol. hopefully next time I meet him it will be as a fellow professional comics artist huh who said that

gotta take a moment here to stress something. dashcon was very poorly planned and executed. this is true. BUT. the atmosphere, especially on the first day, was so joyful and connected. everyone was so stoked to be at THE Tumblr convention. all of us were weirdos who liked the weirdo website enough to show up in person for all our weirdo friends. We were all exchanging urls and taking big group photos and going to grab lunch together. people were very open and friendly. and I know that's my perspective as well, obviously there were plenty of things going horribly wrong behind the scenes, but having only been an attendee, it really wasn't the worst experience.

anyways so the day was fun and weird and a little boring because dashcon had fucking nothing going on but anyways so the scamming part. they called everyone into this main ballroom and stood on a little stage up front and were like "HEY IF WE DONT RAISE $200,000 THEYRE SHUTTING US DOWN" which definitely did NOT break my tiny little idiot baby heart. I definitely was super self aware and knew this was a dumb scam and I definitely DIDN'T cry and run to the hotel pool to tell my mom. she however immediately went "they're scammers and we paid for our hotel room so whatever lol". my bestie gave them $10 and after the fact was (rightfully) SUPER pissed about it because she WAS smarter than me and figured out the scam thing faster.

I think besides that scam thing the other thing I remember thinking was such fucking bullshit was that we would be walking past the ballroom where Welcome to Night Vale was supposed to perform and the line was insane. It was literally SOOOOO many people. I remember being a little bummed that I hadn't gotten tickets which was.... obviously a short lived regret. when they announced the night Vale cancellation I definitely realized shit was hinky.

a majority of the photos I have are from ballpitstuck! there was a Homestuck meetup at the ball pit, but a lot of us had found each other already and had been hanging out in little feral packs of homestucks, so we all meshed super well and basically immediately all became besties. we ended up kind of collectively agreeing to post stuff in the "ballpitstuck" tag, which is hilarious. I actually made fanart at the time! It's somewhere in the depths of my art blog. I've probably posted most of these before but for posterity:

we were cringe. but we were free. no but for real I did have so much fun hanging with the homestucks.

anyways the rest of the con was pretty much just hanging out and watching everything burn from the inside out. my favorite part was watching Tumblr react to dashcon in real-time, because everyone AT the convention was posting about it, and everyone who wasn't at the convention was actively following the updates. by the time we left I just remember being like "I think we've just experienced something very interesting". and now there's a Wikipedia page and a sarah z video about it so.

anyways shout out to my dashcon homies(tucks)

#dashcon #ballpitstuck

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duchessofostergotlands · 6 months

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First of all I begin this by wishing the best to all those who have been affected in one way or another with this terrible disease such as cancer as well as any other disease of this nature.

One thing I have seen since the announcement came out yesterday is still people criticizing William as to why he was not there with Catherine at the time the announcement was made and it is maddening to see how some people are so inept.

In September of last year on a Wednesday a surgery my aunt had to remove two cysts that the doctor said would only take two hours, turned into a seven hour surgery and with practically half of my aunt's small intestine removed. I still remember when I woke up and my mom felt me up to tell me that my aunt, a lady who has always taken care of herself young (48 years old) had cancer and was in intensive care. The shock that felt like a bucket of cold water was something that to this day I cannot explain. The next day my grandfather was likewise diagnosed with protest cancer. The process of my aunt who was the one who was worse than my grandfather is one that has not even been seven months yet but these are things that we as a family have been a constant change. The food, now it is all gluten free until at least her intestine gets used to it and even then there is food that she may never be able to eat again; now she looks like a duck (her own words) since every time she eats she goes to the bathroom, sometimes without needing to eat just out of nowhere she can no longer regulate her urge to go to the bathroom, which her oncologist says is normal. Now she can't wear high heels either, a lady who, being a lawyer, is used to wear high heels all the time.

I say this because I think it is important for people to know that the cancer pathway, like many other life changing diseases, is not linear, sometimes you feel good, other times you get tired and all this despite the fact that my aunt is on preventive treatment. Not chemotherapy but some pills

I hope you and your family are doing ok. It sounds like a very challenging situation but you also seem to have a very close family relationship so hopefully you're all supporting each other :)

I mean, surely William could have been off screen? I haven't read anything about whether he was there one way or another, it's not relevant to me, but it's like they don't know the universe doesn't end at the edge of the screen lol. But anyway, bottom line is it's Kate's body. Not William's. I'm really tired of the constant infantilising that's been happening in recent weeks, on both sides of this conversation. I'll talk about some of this in the podcast in more depth but William is her husband and the father of her children, not her minder. I don't know why people insist on treating ill people - especially women - as if they're children who can't make up their own minds about what happens to them. Of course there's vulnerability that comes with it, people need extra support. But she's not a baby. If she'd needed or wanted William to sit on a bench next to her in total silence, I have no doubt he would have done it. She clearly didn't.

#ask #anon #Kate Middleton #british royal family #2024 #prince william

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cage-cat-yt · 11 months

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Mirror Man art (I'll do spooky next time)

Idk I did this a couple weeks ago, sorry for not posting a lot again. Mental illness is acting up rn and I'm just trying to get through the days. Hopefully I'll get to feeling like me again.

I want to beat up Mirror Man but he also has a soft spot in my heart cause he was a comfort character for a year at a rough spot lol.

Anyway, thanks for reading! Remember to hydrate and I hope you have a good day :)

#jack stauber's opal #jack stauber #jack stauber opal #mirror man #jack stauber mirror man #jack stauber's opal mirror man #mirror man opal #opal mirror man #traditional art #cage-cat

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cowboycannibalism · 2 months

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Not quite a review just some thoughts on Longlegs (spoilers!) ⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️

so I saw Longlegs and while I loved it I can see why a lot of people don't. it's loose in the plot at times because it's personal. Oz Perkins himself has said that he made it for himself, that it's a story of a mother's love and how that can sometimes be used to do harm; if I remember correctly his words were something along the lines of mom's lying to their kids out of love. He started writing this story with that. Even Nicholas Cage has said that he brought elements of his mother to the role, having had to live through watching her struggle with her mental illnesses.

It's beautiful to watch, the cinematography is so fantastic that I can't even describe it. I loved the flashbacks being shot/shown in that smaller ratio and how it took us out of the present day yet somehow didn't feel like a flashback if that makes any sense lol. the sound design is insane to me, I felt so tense the entire time! I thought the title cards breaking it into 3 parts was such a good way to move the story along and sort of get the audience ready for what came next.

I do think it was overhyped and that's why so many people are disappointed with it. But it was still an amazing movie and it will reach the people who it was meant for.

Now for some negatives :( the satanic angle was interesting but it could have done more, not too much like Maxxxine but just a tad. I really liked the decoded Revelation lines and wish more of that had been included and expanded on, though I came out of theater with my own connecting thoughts as someone who grew up with catholicism, I think for the general public it didn't mean a whole lot or do much.

I would have loved if the movie was a little longer tbh. like was her mom under any kind of influence from the devil or was she really just so protective of her daughter that she really would have done anything and everything to keep her alive? Also iirc they mention that the hair on the dolls were human, who's hair is it? I love that Lee and Ruby's birthday are both the 14th but it's never thought about that Agent Carter's family could be in danger because HELLO your family fits the description of the victims!!! I'm a little disappointed we don't follow the thread of Lee not having a father like the rest of the families and her first thought at the sight of the triangle in the mental health evaluation is Father.

Also saw someone say they didn't understand how he targeted the families and that it was too random to make sense, but for me personally I drew the conclusion that because Ruth was bringing the dolls as a nun as a "gift from the church" then those families must have been avid church goers/openly religious. Except Agent Carter's family, that one felt like it was done purposefully because of his connection with Lee.

The performances in this movie especially by the three characters the story revolves around (Lee, her mother and Longlegs) were so compelling. I don't think anything could have distracted me while watching this film. aside from the guy in front of me who was on his phone the ENTIRE MOVIE! But even then I was so enthralled by this film that I even forgot he was there after a few minutes. (but yeah my sister said he literally was on snapchat through the entire movie. also him and the people he was with were drinking and constantly getting up out of their seats)

Aside from my not great theater experience, Longlegs is definitely one of the highlights of my year so far! it is sticking with me and I plan on seeing it again hopefully before it leaves theaters.

#horror #longlegs #longlegs spoilers #maika monroe #nicolas cage #osgood perkins #2024 horror #yami's movie thoughts

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nipahnan · 7 months

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realistically , how is it like living in japan ? i am a POC so our experiences would definitely be different .. but are you fluent in the language ? how is everyday life for you ? do you have a job there or remote work overseas in the US ? sorry for all the questions !! i'm hoping to move to japan myself eventually . ♡

Aaah I’m so happy to finally get a question, I’ve been waiting to be able to ramble about myself on here thehe :) This is gonna be a long one, so I’m sorry in advance, but I want to try and be as transparent as possible!♡

I don’t live in Tokyo, yet I have a bunch of friends who live there and who talk about their experiences very openly, so I’ll also talk about things they went through and that they observed. In general people of course need to make sure not to romanticize a country. Japan is a country like any other and a lot of people forget that. I’ve been interested in Japan since I was around 11 years old and I came to Japan knowing about it’s good and bad sides because I did research about it for years. So coming here with very realistic expectations and not thinking I’m gonna live in a fairytale, I’d say it’s great so far! :)

Of course I’ve only been here for 1 year now, but it’s definitely so much better than living in Germany. It just suits my lifestyle and general personal behavior so much better. I never felt connected to people in Germany with the way they behave and so I’m having it way easier here. I definitely aim to obtain permanent residence status one day because I really believe that I want to enjoy my life here. I definitely feel like foreigners who move to Tokyo have it so much easier than people who move somewhere else in Japan, because there’s so much more English writing or people who try and speak English since it’s full of tourists too, so it’s easier to navigate without learning any Japanese. When I first landed in Japan I literally only spoke English and I was kinda shocked since I didn’t expect that at all tbh. I actually know a few people who have lived in Japan for years without learning any Japanese and it kinda baffles me sometimes lol. I definitely recommend coming here with at least some basic Japanese and then trying to gradually learn more, that’s how I did it and it’s been working very well. Im not fluent at all yet, but im able to have conversations and I’m learning every day and that’s what counts :)

I also know a lot of people who realized how fake Tokyo can be and decide to move away from it quickly because of them getting mental problems or their mental problems worsening, considering how awful mental help in Japan is. They’re feeling very lonely, overworked, and even get bullied. It definitely depends on the workplace of course. But as long as you make sure to make genuine friendships and realize that Japanese people can be extremely blunt and that their behavior is overall quite different, you’ll have no problem with them. There’s a lot of rules and there’s no way you’re always able to remember them, so I wouldn’t worry too much about it. Definitely try and act according to how they act and you will be welcomed with open arms I’d say :)

I currently don’t have a job because I got hit with a very hard illness right after 3 months of living here which resulted in me almost dying that I’m still recovering from. So I didn’t have time to work with how many times I was in the hospital, yet I’m having an interview soon and I’ll hopefully be able to start work in the next month if everything works out :)

I have a spouse visa after finally marrying my partner that I’ve been with for 4 years, so that made immigrating here way easier for me of course and I definitely realize that I was very lucky to get here that way. I only had to wait 15 minutes and immediately had my visa, meanwhile a lot of people say how long they had to wait because they had a different visa and of course because the Tokyo immigration is so much fuller than the one in Nagoya.

Everyday life is very chill, it’s very quiet so as a person who is very easily irritated and overwhelmed by loud noises it’s so much better for my mental health. yet again I don’t live in Tokyo and in a very tiny town (13.11 km² big lmao) so I have to drive to Nagoya for some of the „fun“ parts.

Now for some of the VERY annoying parts.

Stares. People stare at you ALL the time. Even tho I’m white, they love staring at me like I’m some alien because I have blonde hair and stick out like a sore thumb here in my city where there’s such a tiny amount of foreigners(basically 0 lol) I’ve noticed that people usually say that old people are kind of rude to them and how nice young people are, yet for me it’s the complete opposite at times. Old people, especially old women, love randomly talking to me and are generally very nice to me. There’s this older lady who works at my local family mart and she is sooo nice to me, always giving me compliments and everything, she is so cute♡ Meanwhile young people love staring and making fun of me because they often think I don’t understand them. I get comments like „she looks cute but she’s kinda fat.“ „do you think she even understands Japanese?“ and they giggle all the time. Sometimes they also take pictures of me in the train and it feels very rude. As someone who never stood out in her hometown and always trying her best to not get any attention, it definitely hurts to suddenly hear comments like that and basically feeling like a zoo animal at times. Yet I knew this would happen so I was prepared for it and I know I just shouldn’t care about comments like that. Now idk how bad it is in Tokyo but I can imagine it’s not as awful since it’s way more diverse? Yet you still hear stories about how this also happens very often to POC and sometimes even white foreigners who just happen to have a different type of style. So it’s definitely something to keep in mind.

Also about the topic of getting called fat. Japanese people LOVE to call you fat in your face. As soon as you’re over 50kg no matter your height they will probably consider you fat. One time I had to state my weight at the hospital for a scan and the lady literally yelled „…kg???“ and then proceeded to giggle to her male coworker. Considering that coming from the hospital staff, it was definitely shocking. Especially since I was literally about to die that day? I was so shocked and felt so bad considering I gained 10kg during that time only due to steroid medication which I literally had no control over. So I’d definitely say it’s another thing to be prepared for.

Their clothing style is also pretty different from the west, you’ll see a lot of long skirts and blouses or sweaters. Tight fitting clothes or clothes showing of a lot of skin aren’t as common here and it definitely makes you stick out. One time I was wearing a tank top under a jacket and didn’t close the jacket all the way while going to get takeout and some school boys sitting at the table loudly made a comment about how giant my boobs are and didn’t stop staring and it made me insanely uncomfortable to which I immediately just closed my jacket. Most uncomfortable encounter I’ve ever had and made me stop wearing shirts that show cleavage lol.

Also there’s of course a lot of sexual harassment here, especially in Tokyo. There’s literally guys just staring at 🌽 that you can see in the reflection of the train window (I even saw that in person one time, absolutely insane) or just straight up jerkin off. They literally have posters at my train stations telling women to pay attention to their skirts because there could be someone taking pictures of your panties. So if you intend to wear short skirts you always have to wear shorts under it if you don’t want some pervert to take a panty shot of you. At this point they even have hidden cameras in their shoes which is just insane to me…

Overall, don’t believe most things those tiktok or YouTube videos from tourists tell you. They often times don’t have any knowledge about Japan or how it is to live here, often give misinformation or are just straight up romanticizing this country to the max. All my friends and me even absolutely hate these travel vloggers at this point because of how much bs they’re saying :,)

To sum it up: if you have enough knowledge about the country and the people, prepare yourself as much as possible and realize that it’s very different from what you’re probably used to, and most of all, that it’s just another country that you’ll be living in, you’ll definitely love it here! :)

I definitely could tell even more because I had so many crazy encounters already and so many cool places to talk about, but I think I’ve been talking long enough now :D

Hope my ramble was a bit helpful for you（╹◡╹）♡

#nipahnan #ramble #Personal #Q&A💕#live in Japan #Japan #living in Japan #q&a

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hail-doodles · 1 year

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Hey all! Important updates:💚

- I’ll be closing my Etsy shop starting Sunday night (9/3) @ 11pm PT until at least the 22nd. I’m starting my last year of uni rn and am s t i l l (😒) figuring out new treatment for my fibro, so I need to chill & adjust for a bit. Goal is to open back up with a new restock on the 30th, so I’ll be working towards that. I’ll keep you updated.❤️

- To everyone who got a delayed order, soon I’ll be sending out discounts via Etsy to any future purchase as an apology. I truly never expected it to take so long to ship everything out, and I’m so sorry!

Having a chronic illness s u c k s and I loathe how much it affects my business. I try to counteract that by being as helpful & generous as possible, so hopefully that comes across lol. I never want any of you to be frustrated, so if you EVER feel that way then pls reach out. I’ll do my best to fix it, I promise💕

(On that note: I am so, SO grateful that my shop is successful and that you all have supported me through everything. You all are truly incredible and I’ll forever be thankful for you❤️)

- Starting next restock my shop will be going multifandom. I’ll still be making Pedro pops so don’t worry about that—I just think it’s time to start making different things. I’ve been making Pedro pops for three years (which is crazy to think about😳), and although I’m SO grateful that you still enjoy them, I want to start branching out with what I make. Plus I’m running out of characters too lmao🤣💀

- Next restock will have some current Pedro pops plus Dave York & some Genshin Impact pops. Two very different fandoms lmao, but I’ll be making stuff from other fandoms in the future too so dw😂 If you have any suggestions on what fandoms/characters you’d like me to make pops of then please let me know whenever, I always am in need of ideas!

I think that’s about it for right now, though I’ll update you all if I remember anything haha. Again, thank you so so much for your kindness and patience. I can’t say it enough. You’re amazing.

Love you all!❤️

- Hail

#shop update #Etsy

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starminerva · 1 year

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first tumblr post!!

I finally broke down and did it. I made a tumblr.

I don't expect anyone to find or read this, at least not for now. I guess I'm posting as a sort of digital diary, because whenever I want to journal it is either too late or would take too long to complete. Of course, now that I have an actual account to blog from, I've forgotten everything that I wanted to say...

Today is either the (late) night of Tuesday, May 9th, or (early) morning of Wednesday, May 10th. I am awake and ashamed of being up at this time, although it is currently loads earlier than when I fell asleep the last few days. Please excuse typos and ramblingI Perhaps it would help if I wrote a list of everything that I want to write about:

Ill Babi (bubbe/grandmother)

How long-covid has affected my life, especially as a young person

Jewish identity

Probably my interests lol (linguistics! music! performing!)

I got sick with covid for the first time since the pandemic started eight months ago, in September 2022. Then came the long-covid--the brain fog and mind bending fatigue. I was able to maintain my level of work with only a few minor roadbumps until December, despite being unable to focus most of the time. I became even more tired, having had no time to recover from everything. At the same time, my Babi's health truly began deteriorating, meaning that she was in and out of the hospital practically every other week. This whole era was obviously pretty stressful.

Life continued in January similarly as before. Not great, but I had hope for a new start with the new year and that I would heal with just a little time off. I wish. February everything turned to shit and started a spiral that I still seem to be on. February was when I started feeling the chronic-fatigue and intense insomnia symptoms of my long-covid. I quite literally remember the night a flip switched and everything went to hell; I had particularly bad insomnia, and the next day I felt started feeling a small bit of fatigue, plus a little tiredness that combined, caused me to take a sick day. I returned to life the next day, a Wednesday, but again felt fatigued, rather than just the usual tiredness when I got home that night. Once I lay down in bed, I couldn't get up. There was at once an elephantine weight pressing down on me and a lack of fuel in my bones.

TL;DR, both my and my babi's health continued in a downward spiral, I got really depressed, everyone in my family got increasingly stressed out, I became isolated from my friends, and started hating life sometimes.

I consider myself an optimistic person--someone who can find the good in anything. This becomes increasingly hard when, as well as the ability to get up or walk for more than a few minutes at once or focus enough to text with friends or focus on work to do, one lacks the ability to feel emotion. I have been lucky in that my intense days (e.g. no appetite, intense nothingness) have not persisted, but shit still fucking sucks.

I'll hopefully continue this tomorrow, as there is still more that I want to record.

bye-bye

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flirting-with-psychology · 2 years

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2014/2015/2016/2017/2018/2019/2020/2021/2022 New Years Survey

1: What did you do in 2014/2015/2016/2017/2018/2019/2020/2021/2022 that you’d never done before?

2014: Had sex

2015: Got further in my love life

2016: Went to the PAC 12 Championship, and about to go to a bowl game

2017: Graduated and moved in with friends

2018: Had a real film client

2019: Got a boyfriend

2020: Bought a car

2021: Got a M-F job

2022: Went to a movie premiere in theaters for a movie I worked on

2: Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? 2014: I don’t think I actually made any. I might try to this year

2015: I kept a lot of them, and I will probably make new ones

2016: I can’t remember what they were. I might make new ones

2017: I can’t remember what they were. I am making new ones

2018: I can’t remember what they are, and I might make a couple new ones

2019: I kept some, and yes

2020: I kept a few, and probably

2021: I think I kept some but I didn’t set the bar too high. I will make new ones

2022: I might have kept some, and I will make new ones

3: Did anyone close to you give birth? 2014: No

2015: No

2016: My mom’s ex-boyfriend’s daughter

2017: No

2018: No

2019: No

2020: No

2021: No

2022: No

4: Did anyone close to you die? 2014: No

2015: No

2016: My friend Zach, although we hadn’t really talked much for a couple of years so we weren’t close anymore

2017: No

2018: My cat and my great aunt

2019: Not really

2020: No

2021: My cat

2022: I don’t think so

5: What countries did you visit? 2014: I stayed in my home country this year, but hopefully I will travel more in 2015 or 2016, I am planning to study abroad

2015: I stayed in my home country but I am planning to study abroad in 2016

2016: I studied abroad in Italy :)

2017: I went to London with my mom

2018: I stayed at home

2019: I went to Israel on Birthright

2020: I stayed home

2021: I stayed home

2022: I stayed in my home country

6: What would you like to have in 2015/2016/2017/2018/2019/2020/2021/2022/2023 that you lacked in 2014/2015/2016/2017/2018/2019/2020/2021/2022? 2014: A boyfriend, more confidence, and a more interesting personality

2015: A boyfriend and more confidence

2016: A boyfriend already goddamnit it’s time

2017: An official boyfriend and a film job

2018: A boyfriend, a film job, and probably a car

2019: An interesting job (finally got the boyfriend!)

2020: A job, an apartment, and a vaccine

2021: A return to normal

2022: A hot body

7: What dates from 2014/2015/2016/2017/2018/2019/2020/2021/2022 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? 2014: 12/13/14, the day I had sex, and it was interesting because I had my first kiss on 11/12/13

2015: 9/3/15 was the day of the Old Chicago watch party where Hawaii flirted me.

2016: 6/8/16 the day I found out Zach had died

2017: 8/21/17, the solar eclipse

2018: 8/7/18 moving into the B Flat

2019: 3/3/19 My anniversary with my boyfriend

2020: 9/3/20, the day I bought my car

2021: 4/5/21 My first vaccine shot

2022: 11/3/22, the premiere of Good Night Oppy

8: What was your biggest achievement of the year? 2014: I think my Blank Space video was cool. Also I got a job

2015: Maybe finally starting to go to the gym and get confidence

2016: My short film Pancakes, which had a full film crew

2017: Graduated college

2018: Did some film work for Sonic Octane

2019: Got a boyfriend lol

2020: Bought a car

2021: Got a couple film jobs

2022: Good Night Oppy premiered, which I worked on

9: What was your biggest failure? 2014: Letting myself remain unhappy instead of figuring out how to change it

2015: Losing some of the confidence I gained in the fall

2016: Kinda giving up on trying, in various ways

2017: Did not get back into working out

2018: Not letting myself try things and fail

2019: Let another year go by without getting anywhere in my career

2020: Gaining a lot of weight

2021: Gaining more weight

2022: Gaining more weight

10: Did you suffer illness or injury? 2014: I had a trifecta of stomach flu, pink eye, and common cold during finals week. I also cut my foot open at Water World and it got infected

2015: I was sick for a month from kissing Hawaii

2016: Yeah, that month-long Hawaii plague kinda turned into a year-long strike from my immune system. Also, I got a node in my thyroid. So far it’s benign, just a weird lump

2017: I had to get surgery to remove the thyroid node

2018: I had a cough for 2 months

2019: Stomach flu

2020: I hit my toe really hard on a table

2021: First whole year without getting sick

2022: I got a cold after like 3 years without one and then got another one a week later

11: What was the best thing you bought? 2014: A Netflix subscription

2015: My TV

2016: All my Italy souvenirs. Idk I can’t pinpoint one thing

2017: Sebastian the pirate merman ornament

2018: I think the gold Giani Bernini shoes were this year

2019: Maybe some jewelry? Idk, I din’t really buy anything big

2020: A car

2021: A 3D printer and a pirate coat

2022: Taylor Swift tickets

12: Whose behaviour merited celebration? 2014: My mom’s boyfriend is finally apologizing to her and trying to make up for cheating on her last year, and he actually seems to be working really hard to change

2015: Vincent has become close friends with me and shows a lot of bravery in how he handles things

2016: The football team finally got good

2017: My film class for all we accomplished and helping each other on projects

2018: My coworker and I actually became friends even though I didn’t like her at first

2019: My boyfriend for being a sweetheart

2020: Everyone who took covid seriously

2021: The scientists who figured out the vaccines

2022: My dnd group who are actually becoming a real friend group

13: Whose behaviour made you appalled? 2014: There were a few guys who bailed on me without explanation, but the biggest one is my friend who stopped talking to me, apparently because I vented to her too much, but did not give me any chance to fix it and seems to hate me now

2015: All the guys who were too cowardly to text me back

2016: This one dude in Italy on my study abroad program made out, etc with me, then told me not to tell anyone because there was a different girl he wanted to get with

2017: My friend and his girlfriend got mad at me for seeking out another ride because they drove recklessly

2018: A guy who cheated on someone with me, and me a little for enabling it

2019: Customers

2020: Everyone who did not take covid seriously

2021: The antivaxxers

2022: The supreme court getting rid of abortion protections

14: Where did most of your money go? 2014: A lot went into camera and film equipment rentals. Unfortunately quite a bit also went into the vending machine

2015: Random stuff, and more than usual went to holiday presents

2016: Groceries and clothes and knick knacks

2017: Rent

2018: Macy’s

2019: Jewelry

2020: Rent and dice

2021: Dice stuff

2022: Dnd stuff and crafts

15: What did you get really, really, really excited about? 2014: I went to the Telluride Film Festival with a school group

2015: Getting to go on a band trip

2016: Getting to go on 3 (three!) band trips

2017: Graduating and London

2018: Las Vegas film shoot

2019: Having a boyfriend

2020: D&D

2021: Getting a vaccine

2022: Good Night Oppy

16: What song will always remind you of 2014/2015/2016/2017/2018/2019/2020/2021/2022? 2014: Songs tend to remind me of people, and the songs that remind me of the people of 2014 are “Don’t Cha” for Captain and “Wildest Dreams” for Marble. Also, Blank Space for all of them

2015: Taylor Swift’s 1989 album

2016: Shut Up and Dance

2017: Not sure if I have one. Maybe the Anastasia soundtrack

2018: Maybe Waving Through a Window

2019: If I Were a Jolly Blacksmith

2020: Epiphany

2021: Dangerous to Dream

2022: Elephant Love Medley

17: Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? © richer or poorer? 2014: A) Maybe a little sadder. I’m just getting more desperate as more time passes with me single. B) About the same, maybe a couple pounds fatter. C) Richer, now that I have a job

2015: A) Happier. B) Thinner. C) About the same, maybe a little richer. I’m not excellent at saving

2016: A) Happier. I was about to say sadder, because I think this year as a whole I’ve been sadder than last year as a whole, but I remembered that in december I was trying to get over Hawaii and that sucked ass. B) Fatter. C) About the same, maybe a bit richer

2017: A) About the same. Maybe a little sadder, I kind of miss college. B) Probably about the same. C) Probably poorer because I actually have to pay rent now. But I also make a lot more money so maybe it evens out

2018: A) Maybe a little happier. B) Fatter. C) About the same

2019: A) About the same. B) Fatter. C) Poorer

2020: A) Definitely sadder. B) Fatter. C) Richer actually, because of the extra unemployment stimulus money

2021: A) Happier. B) Fatter. C) I think richer

2022: A) Happier. B) Maybe a little fatter. C) Richer

18: What do you wish you’d done more of? 2014: Adventures, swing dancing, and maybe a little more textbook reading

2015: Enjoying myself and trying new experiences, and getting the most out of school

2016: Exercising, making friends in Italy

2017: I wish I had done more in college as a whole

2018: Making friends and flirting, and learning how to work hard

2019: Looking for jobs

2020: Playing games with my friends

2021: Eating better and working out

2022: Creative projects

19: What do you wish you’d done less of? 2014: Fighting with my parents, perhaps, and maybe less being sad or worried around people because clearly it pushes them away

2015: Worrying about things

2016: Thinking about Hawaii

2017: Strategizing

2018: Overthinking

2019: Eating pasta

2020: OCD things

2021: OCD things and living with my dad

2022: Being unfair to my boyfriend

20: How did you spend Christmas? 2014: With my mom’s boyfriend’s family

2015: Oops awk, I’m doing this early. But I will spend it with my mom’s boyfriend’s family

2016: Lol I’m doing it early again. I think I am just gonna be chilling, I’ll probably do Hanukkah that night

2017: I keep doing it early. Idk maybe watch a movie or something

2018: I’m gonna chill and maybe see a movie with my mom

2019: I went home and had Hanukkah with my mom and vented about jobs and my boyfriend

2020: Chilled and watched New Girl

2021: Doing it early again but probably just staying home with my boyfriend who was supposed to go visit his family but we got exposed to covid

2022: Doing it early but celebrating a friend’s birthday

21: Did you fall in love in 2014/2015/2016/2017/2018/2019/2020/2021/2022? 2014: No, I don’t think so. Maybe, with Captain a little

2015: Not quite

2016: I stayed in love with Captain. I’m pretty sure that started before this year but maybe not. I told him that I loved him this year, though

2017: Almost maybe, but not quite

2018: No

2019: Almost but not quite there yet

2020: Still not quite there but felt close a number of times

2021: Yes :)

2022: I am still in love

22: What was your favourite TV program? 2014: Supernatural

2015: How to Get Away With Murder

2016: Suits

2017: Friends

2018: Dexter or Criminal Minds

2019: Dexter

2020: 3% or The Office

2021: Westworld, Brooklyn 99, How I Met Your Mother, or Shadow and Bone

2022: Ink Master or Mr. Robot

23: Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? 2014: My friend who hates me, I’m starting to hate her back

2015: I still don’t really hate anyone

2016: Don’t really hate anyone

2017: Yeah. Didn’t know her last year

2018: Not really

2019: Not really

2020: Trump and Mitch McConnell, I don’t think I had gotten all the way to hating them yet

2021: Well antivaxxers hadn’t really presented themselves last year

2022: Not really

24: What was the best book you read? 2014: Mistborn

2015: The Testing, maybe

2016: Mistborn series

2017: Mistborn series. Also not quite a book but the Choices game

2018: Here Lies Daniel Tate

2019: Didn’t really read anything good

2020: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes

2021: Mistborn and Harry Potter (rereading both)

2022: Reread Harry Potter

25: What was your greatest musical discovery? 2014: Blank Space

2015: Shut Up and Dance

2016: Collabro

2017: Anastasia the Musical

2018: Dear Evan Hansen

2019: Spotify

2020: Was Come From Away this year?

2021: Olivia Rodrigo

2022: Jake Wesley Rogers, who opened for Panic! At the Disco

26: What did you want and get? 2014: A job, new experiences

2015: More confidence, losing weight, better friend relationships

2016: A bowl trip, a summer abroad

2017: I may be on the path to getting a boyfriend?

2018: Film work, good roommates

2019: A boyfriend

2020: A car

2021: A job, a place to live, dice

2022: A raise, more experiences with friends, most of the things I liked on Etsy

27: What did you want and not get? 2014: A boyfriend, to lose weight, more confidence and conversational skills

2015: A boyfriend

2016: A boyfriend

2017: Cadence

2018: A boyfriend, to lose weight

2019: A new job

2020: A new job, an end to the pandemic

2021: An end to the pandemic, a comfortable wage

2022: To lose weight, a Detroit: Become Human jacket (but I’m gonna try to make one)

28: What was your favourite film of this year? 2014: The Imitation Game or Guardians of the Galaxy

2015: The Martian or Inside Out

2016: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

2017: Coco

2018: A Star Is Born

2019: Rocketman

2020: I can’t even remember what came out this year

2021: Was Hamilton this year?

2022: Good Night Oppy

29: What one thing made your year immeasurably more satisfying? 2014: Being in college

2015: Better friend relationships

2016: The football team doing well

2017: Graduating

2018: The B Flat

2019: My boyfriend

2020: Leaving my retail job

2021: Getting a vaccine

2022: Doing things with my friends again

30: How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2014/2015/2016/2017/2018/2019/2020/2021/2022? 2014: Lazy

2015: Thift-shoppy

2016: Lazy

2017: Lazy when I was in school except for the days I saw Cadence, and then more fashionable when I got my job

2018: Business Lazy

2019: Lazy

2020: Literally the same 5 outfits on repeat

2021: Lazy

2022: Lazy

31: What kept you sane? 2014: Hope for the future

2015: Belief in myself I guess

2016: Genetics and environmental factors that have not yet caused insanity

2017: Not sure

2018: Structure

2019: Not meeting the threshold for insanity

2020: Who says I’m sane

2021: I did not keep sane

2022: Doing stuff with my boyfriend and friends

32: Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? 2014: Chris Pratt

2015: Still Chris Pratt I think

2016: Chris Pratt is a sexy, sexy man

2017: Yup. Or Kit Harington

2018: Maybe Tom Holland

2019: Tom Hiddleston

2020: Tom Hiddleston

2021: Ben Barnes

2022: Ben Barnes

33: What political issue stirred you the most? 2014: Probably the Leelah Alcorn suicide that just happened

2015: The presidential debates are happening

2016: The presidential election, first one that I got to vote in

2017: Maybe Net Neutrality

2018: ICE Internment camps for immigrant kids

2019: Trump as a whole

2020: Covid, stupid that it was a political issue though

2021: Covid

2022: The overturning of Roe v. Wade

34: Who did you miss? 2014: My friend who hates me

2015: Hawaii

2016: Hawaii and Zach

2017: I missed Jessie while we were fighting

2018: Kylie

2019: Shaina

2020: Everyone

2021: The B Flat, my cat

2022: My friends from school

35: Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2014/2015/2016/2017/2018/2019/2020/2021/2022. 2014: Let it Go

2015: Bravery means going after what you want

2016: The importance of storyboarding

2017: Strategizing just wastes time

2018: I don’t have to be the girl who never has a boyfriend

2019: Boyfriends have feelings too

2020: Learning to put up boundaries

2021: Risk vs reward

2022: My friends actually like me

36: Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. 2014: Got a long list of ex-lovers, they’ll tell you I’m insane

2015: I almost brought him up, but you start to talk about the movie that your family watches every single Christmas, and I’ll talk about that, for the first time, what’s past is past

2016: Buffaloes, Buffaloes, Go CU

2017: School’s out forever

2018: I’ve learned to slam on the brakes before I’ve even turned the key

2019: When will my life begin?

2020: Only 20 minutes to sleep, but you dream of some epiphany

2021: I guess a queen can change the rules but not the reasons they’re in place

2022: Oh, does it make you feel sad that the love that you’re looking for is the love that you had?

#survey #new years

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nathank77 · 5 months

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4/16/24

3:17 p.m Edited 3:44 p.m

Well If that Xanax was a placebo it knocked me on my ass. I told myself Left and right it was a placebo and there was no way it would work....

And christ I took it at like 4:15, was fighting my eyes by 5:25 and closed my eyes at 5:32 must have passed out by 6 a.m the latest. I mean I remember like 5 minutes of laying there and thinking and listening to King of The Hill.

I woke up at approximately 11:50 a.m..... I wanted to fall back to sleep but I was like if I sleep through this appt it's never going to be off my list of things to do. I must have gotten like 5 or 6 hours...

And funny thing is Disability didn't call me.... I called them and they patched me through they had my whole number correct, even on my paperwork..... but they were dialing 203 instead of 860 🙄🙄🙄

Who knows why that happened. My dad either isn't approved yet or they haven't received information that he has started receiving payment... but he put me on his Disability documents as a disabled minor which makes me happy. He wants me to get what I'm entitled to..

I am now protected as they put in a close out, for 6 months. I might be entitled to 12 months of back pay depending on if he gets approved... they wouldn't tell me when he applied but the close out protects me for 6 months. I might have to call in 6 months.

If he gets approved in the next 6 months, I'll get a letter saying he did and we need to file an application. So I mean it feels a little pointless bc he isn't approved yet or they don't have the information yet but the close out protects me so that isn't worthless.

If it's a year I get almost 6k! I mean idk when he filed. I'm just glad he put me as a disabled minor. He totally knows I'm on disability and he still loves me. Even though we never talked about it.

I just need to call Disability frequently and ask.. and wait for the close out. I could ask my Dad but I don't want to bc I don't want to call him about money. I want to call him and connect with him. Idc about the money. I'm never going to ask about his Disability status. Ever. But yea it wasn't a complete waste.

Anyways now I'm at my emissions test. Hopefully this is quick bc I have Quest at 4:40... I want to stop at My Eye Doctor in Torrington and check out the glasses with my extra time and check out the frames and the cost of just lenses in a frame I already have. They are one of the only places that clean their glasses after customers put them on......

My actual Eye Doctor office doesn't... nor does another local place. And I don't want to create a big stink but I expect them to do it... bjs does...

If I have the time after that I guess I'll call a few glasses places nearby and get estimates on lense replacements... before Quest. Then everything shuts down lol

My ent called me and they got all my records so that's done! FINALLY!

I wish I could wake up early everyday I got scheduled for my dentist appt for the end of May.. and I got my ultrasound rescheduled to April 30th at 4 p.m.. I said politely the time absolutely does matter unfortunately. I cannot do earlier than 4 p.m.

After quest I got to go to Walmart and stop and shop.... I'm scared to go to Walmart bc I need waters and I tried to call Dan today cause I had so much time and Steve the cunt picked up as the only manger on staff. I just asked when Dan would be in and said I'd call back...

I'm going to try to get waters and if they kick me out. That's fucked but I won't be considered gravely ill thats for sure.

They called me for my mri for my arm. They are doing a 30 day appeal instead of an expedited one... but that's in the works... I have a feeling they won't approve it.

My HSV2 test still hasn't come back... it's been a week. I got there late and they said it had to sit out for 30 minutes... part of me thinks they didn't leave it out for 30 minutes bc of the time I got there and they can't do the test..... I got to say something to Quest today when I go in... cause a week is overkill... I'll be there on time today.

The month of May is filling up with doctors appts already... and I called my endo about tepezza and pushing through the ambulatory order so I can see the doctor sooner than September. I told them about my heart palpitations... and the er and Quest today... I also haven't started that Atorvastatin but I didn't tell them that. I'll start it eventually but I don't want to.... for a while... bc of the muscle spasms.. but eventually I will. I'm still on CoQ10.

The Xanax is kicking my ass, I still feel it. If it's a placebo and knowing it's a placebo doesn't matter it's fucking powerful, thats all I got to say.

If I didn't have circadian rhythm disorder, I could accomplish 90% of my to-do list in 3 days. It's ridiculous. I just wish I wasn't so fucking tired.

I'm glad I forced myself awake.. Even if I feel dead.

0 notes

tinytrucks · 8 months

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Thinking of using this space again as a journal just to have a place to vent that a little less public. I mean, its still public for sure but its much less "out there" then fb or any of that.

So, first two and maybe only relationships down the drain.

Pretty disappointed that this one fizzled out but I suppose it should've been expected. We were so....different. I know they say "opposites attract" but we were SO opposite we were just pushing apart all of the time. It just wasn't working. But lord did we try. For almost seven whole years. Lord nearly a whole decade I spent with this man. Its for sure gonna be hard to move on from him, no matter how different we were or how much we used to be in conflict.

I wonder what the universe has in store for me next. Will I be alone for the rest of my life? After these two bouts at "love" I honestly don't super think I'd mind being alone forever. Not really. Maybe when I'm very old, I don't know. There is just so much about me being in a relationship that felt so wrong. Or was it just the relationship I was in that was wrong? Who knows. Certainly not I.

Maybe I've never been in a "right" relationship.

I know I've always picked my relationships. They've never outright picked me, i've always been the one to start them and I think if i never did I would be a 32 year old virgin for sure. Prolly would never have been kissed or anything had I not chosen it myself.

It sort of sucks to know that truly no one out there would actively have chosen to be with you or seek you out in any sort of romantic manner but then again I don't SUPER hate the idea of being alone. More often than not I'm comfortable with the idea. I have the moments of loneliness. I have these moments of desperation. I'll feel so empty. But those moments pass pretty quick if I'm being honest with myself.

I remember the small time where i was alone, I was pretty happy and mildly confident and i spent a lot of time just dressing myself and making funny videos and stuff. Perhaps that's what it'll be like this time around EXCEPT this time I have a whole SON.

That changes literally everything. Its too bad I cant just like give up and die or something you know? After being dumped this second time it would be nice to be like "well shit aint really working out in this life, BYE" cuz now would be a nice time to just finally just be gone from this earth. Just quietly just slip away FINALLY. But now I have a child and so I have to actually TRY. lol That's funny. Cuz I really will try my hardest for him. I guess now I have to find a better job. A career. Cuz it'll just be me and him. So have to make real money. Gotta find a way to get us a little house in a nice neighborhood. Somehow. Man. How? Alone?

I know that there are tons of single mothers who do it alone and do it well but it seems so impossible right now. The first year of single motherhood is probably the hardest I'm sure.

Eventually things will be more public and i guess i can ask people for more advice but for now things are burning slow. Gotta get my own place first and then everything else from there. Hopefully the pieces fall into place well.

Maybe my work friends will get me stuff for my apartment. That's just me being hopeful of course. But heck they are all pretty darn nice so who knows.

Anyway now I sort of feel like I'm just writing just to write, no longer venting so I should probably stop for now. But this was good. Ill probably be using this more. Yeah. This was a good idea. i don't really have anywhere else and if anyone reads this then its oh well, right? I don't have to much to hide anymore. Who does these days lol

Hey, future Lory. How'd things go? Remember this time of your life? Things were pretty crazy man. Never felt like things would be even again but hopefully they are next time you're reading this, I wish you the best. Love you.

Man who even uses Tumblr anymore? I wouldn't be surprised if I lose all this one day lol But at least I got it out right? lol

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evandorepart2 · 1 year

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ok so basically for my daily art blog..i have it at 100 days goal. since that seems much more doable to me. and it is ! since i just finished day 60. its only like a month and a half b4 i reach day WHICH holyyy shit i just realized is RIGHT before or during when i leave so um. day 100 if im not in iowa might be a really shitty doodle LOLLLL well anyway cause i kind of dont want to do 365. thats too big. but also i dont want to Stop doing art.

but also i was wondering abt getting to a certain point b4 dropping that art account and making a new one? just cause i have a lot of Bad Art mixed in with a few of the Good Art so. but now im sort of leaning away from that cause its not like i have any followers / interactions. cause i just tag character name and the story for sorting and thats about it LOL ohhh nevermind i just remembered. so the way im tagging is the in the description i have the day [number] and then in tags i just have the date. with the assumption that once a year is done. and the next year is started. you could click the date and see the hopefully what is an increase in quality and skill LOL but ok

so i think im going to keep in the same account HOWEVER im going to go back and tag everything number wise. as well as cycle wise. so ill keep it by doing 100 round cycles and my goal will be up to 1k art pieces LOL thats a lot. its just under 3 years sooooo oh wait thats around the time when ill officially finish hs so actually it works extremely well. if i can keep up with it....this will be a very long term goal but i hope now that ive thought it through i can actually manage LOL

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blue-eyed-bloodstains · 1 year

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Tell me about the first five photos you have on your phone or camera. in my phone gallery, the first two are selfies. one is a close up, one’s a mirror shot. the third is of our cat and our guinea pig who passed back in September that we had since 2018 both lying next to one another on my fiance’s lap. the fourth is of just our cat on his lap. the fifth is of the same guinea pig wrapped up in a ‘hidey hole’ in the blanket on the couch.

Have you got any half or step siblings? a stepsister by marriage, and she’s the sister I never had!

Have you ever known someone online and then met them in person? If so, which website did you meet on? I’ve met several people online, two of which I consider sisters who I met in late 2007 and early 2008 respectively. I met the first one from 07 who’s name is Allie, my nickname for her is Bee, and she’s British and lives in the UK. December 2012 she got to go with her class in uni on a school trip to NY and I made damn sure I got there from NJ to finally meet her face to face. best three days of my life, despite hellish circumstances during and revolving around the trip...definitely worth it. I can’t wait to see her again hopefully in the near future since it’s been over a decade since (OMFG THAT LONG?!...)

oh and we met through roleplaying sites for the show Instant Star which was made by the producers and creators of Degrassi.

When was the last time you were sick and what illness did you have? I’m ALWAYS fuckin sick cause of my Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome...

Do you know anyone with a serious anger management problem? ha try my entire family on mom’s side, Mom being the WORST.

What color is your wallet? it’s black, gold zipper and it’s an Eevee wallet so it’s got a big pic of Eevee on it with symbols spread out in the background

Have you seen all the Lord of the Rings movies? many many times over!

Do you have an unhealthy obsession with colored furry throw pillows that are different shapes and sizes? no

Have you ever had to call the cops on someone else before? I don’t believe I ever did personally, but god knows all my life the cops have been called on us cause of the constant domestic violence with my mom and dad, and then later on because of my mom and me....

Don’t you hate it when people suddenly love a celebrity when they die? I mean I don’t take it personally but with anyone, not just celebrity but especially any human being especially those closest to you, it’s fucked up when they make such a scene after the fact rather than while they were still alive. it seems shallow as fuck and fucked up.

What was the last cocktail you drank? Jack and Coke and dear fucking god do I neeeeeeeeeed some right now!

Are you good at keeping running counts and tallies in your head? to an extent but my mind constantly runs so much and adding in my anxiety and short term memory issues...not very well or long

Are there any foods you hate the smell of but like the taste, or vice versa? hmm not sure really

Do you have a dishwasher? no and it sucks not having one

Do you make to-do lists? no

What pet names do you use for your friends/loved ones? I call everyone hun, guy or girl. obviously babe, baby for my fiance. and my two close girlfriends who I consider sisters, I call one Suga and the other Bee. we also call each other nob too. inside jokes over the years that stuck lol

What pet names do you like to be called? babe, baby, girl (in affectionate way)

Have you ever developed your own film? no

What breed was the last dog you saw? I saw a few out with their owners yesterday on the drive to and from the cancer institute...umm I can’t really remember what kinds, but I could swear one looked like a border collie :P

What’s your favorite thing to do at the end of the day? relax as much as possible, distract with tv, scrolling through my phone, cuddle with the cat

Do you have a hard time letting things go? yeah

When did you last feel fear? last week cause I slipped and it was obvious from how I was talking on the phone with mom, so needless to say I was terrified she’d text my fiance about it..

What last made you smile? phone call a little while ago with results from an ultrasound I had yesterday on my neck for an upcoming surgery, which were negative for any spreads

Have you ever walked through a sunflower field? yeah when I was very little, Mimi loved sunflowers and I have pictures of us standing in front of one...I don’t remember it though sadly

Are you a fan of Taylor Swift? What’s your favorite song from her? yeah, I’ve got several faves

What’s something great that has happened to you recently? finding out that my fiance saved up/set aside $3,000 so I can finally pay off all my fines from my DUI last year and revoke my probation so it’s finally over...such a fucking unbearable weight and stress for over a year now, is finally almost done and I’ll be free of it hanging over us...

Would you ever paint your bedroom bright blue? not bright but my bedroom at my dad and stepmom’s house I had painted a slate blue shade so it’s kinda on the semi darker side..kinda grayish blue similar to Tumblr homepage but lighter

What’s your favorite way to eat rice? with a fork, and with soy and duck sauce. I can’t use chopsticks to save my life lol

What’s something that has really impacted your life? so many things that I really can’t get into right now...

What did you last have as a snack? David brand pumpkin seeds with the shell (the same brand that makes the best sunflower seeds)

Do you like lima beans? they’re okay

How many bottles do you see from where you’re sitting? a few, wish they were alcohol

Do you ever do these surveys with your SO? no

Do you have a waste basket in your car? currently don’t have a car, but usually do a trash bag hooked around the stick shift, fiance does the same thing but he rarely uses it XD he just tosses stuff in the back or on the passenger side floor where I sit when I’m in it with him

What’s the last wild animal you have seen? birds around our house, and yesterday on the way to the cancer institute we saw a wild turkey along the side of the road :D we get those from time to time around here given all the land and farms

Something you were surprised to learn about your parent’s childhood? just how much partying and drugs they really did compared to the lighter version of honesty I got from them all my life...explained sooooooo much of my very young years (baby-7 years old)

Have you ever told a friend you thought their parent was hot? not to their face...XD

Have you ever destroyed another person’s belongings out of anger? no I grew up with shit being busted and thrown and used as a weapon even, I could never do that ever...

Which painkiller do you use? usually Ibuprofen/Excedrin. I have a prescription for Fioricet which is as needed for severe migraines, which I’ve had all my life genetically from my grandfather on mom’s side but the last several years I’ve weirdly been okay so yeah just over the counter mostly

Would you like to be part of a wedding party? I’ve been a guest to a few, but yeah to actually be like say a bridesmaid would be cool...although I’m waiting on my own wedding right now

Have you ever thrown anything up to hang on the power/phone lines? no

Something you taught yourself how to do? tie my hair in a ponytail and never looked back, write songs, some “feminine” needs...

What is the last song you listened to in a car? we weren’t playing any music yesterday, so I guess the radio station my last Uber had on which was on March 28th

Do you currently feel calm? yeah I’m okay right now

If applicable, what’s your favorite sports team? GB Packers, NY Giants, NY Jets

When did you last sign your signature? about an hour or so ago for a specialty med that was dropped off at my door. I had to sign the receipt to send back to them for no copay, that I received it, and to sign up for text message notifications regarding getting refills and shipping

What cover do you think is better than the original song? definitely Sound of Silence that Disturbed does. David Dreyman’s voice is so fucking perfect for that song, and I love the spin on it that they did. so haunting and beautiful and emotional.

Who is the last person that gave you butterflies? my fiance every day

Are you planning on kissing anyone tomorrow evening? yeah my fiance

Have you ever told a guy you were a lesbian to get him to leave you alone? no

If you have a favorite television show, who’s your favorite character? impossible considering there’s so many shoes, let alone characters

#survey #bored #random #about me

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