#(i am trying to stop being so obsessed with posting only polished stuff these days bc i would have so much more to post)

[undefeatablesin]

Have a collection of extremely self indulgent scribbles ft. Good Hunter Lady Ruza and her beloved Arianna lol 💙

[sonseulsoleil]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

I was tagged by @hmslusitania! Thanks Hayley!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

110

2. What’s your total word count on AO3?

483,852

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Whatever I am obsessed with at the moment. The last stuff I was working on was Percy Jackson fic, before that Heartstopper (and I WILL get back to those wips eventually). Oh, and Newsies is also currently in the works! Basically I have ADHD and I am all over the place all of the time. I'll go back to wips I started 5 years ago and keep working on them. What I've written vs what I've actually managed to polish and post is a HUGE disparity lol

4. Top five fics by kudos

- All We Do Is Run

- Let the Whole World Melt Away

- never saw you coming (and I'll never be the same)

- sugar, butter, flour (what a mess I'm making)

- stay in my arms if you dare (or must I imagine you there)

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yes, almost always. It takes me awhile sometimes, but I try to respond to every comment. I worry that if I don't respond, people will stop commenting.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I've written a couple Major Character Death fics, but they're not on AO3 because they were just drabbles so I only posted them on tumblr (also they're very old and bad)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

hmmm maybe All We Do Is Run, just compared to the source material lmao

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I have a couple times. Mostly on fics where I've introduced OCs, which sucks.

9. Do you write smut?

Yes, sometimes. But I don't post it. I write it for myself and will maybe share it with friends if they're interested.

10. Craziest crossover?

I've never written a proper crossover. I'll write AUs where I take the characters of Property A and put them into the story of Property B, but I've never written a true crossover where characters of two properties interact.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope, but I've definitely had fic concepts stolen. Which sounds petty, but I've made posts about fics I'm working on and had people take them and write their own fics with the same details I mentioned and it's like. Not plagiarism exactly and it's impossible to own ideas, really, but it does rub me the wrong way.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

A couple times! It's very cool!

13. Have you ever Co-written a fic?

I tried once a long time ago and it went poorly. Turns out I am not a very good collaborator sometimes.

14. All time favourite ship?

I don't--you want me to pick ONE?! are you kidding lol

15. What’s a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have SO MANY. There's a Star Trek fic I've been working on off and on since Beyond came out. There's my mermaid!Buck 911 fic. There's my current Heartstopper fic. There's my PJO Anastasia fic. There's my angst canon divergence Psych fic. My google drive is a graveyard of partially written stories begging to see the light of day.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Finishing things, clearly.

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

Depends wildly. I've written this in some Heartstopper fics, because Nick speaks French. And I had a friend who is fluent in French help me get it right. I think when people take the time to find a fluent speaker to help them or are fluent themselves, it's fine and good. And when people are just using google translate, it shows. Also, obviously, being bilingual has to make sense for the character. I also especially have beef with the way people often write latine characters/Spanish specifically. I grew up surrounded by latinos and nobody talks like that. Stop it. You all know what I'm talking about.

19. First fandom you wrote in?

ABC's Castle. Say what you will about Nathan Fillion, but that show shaped me as a person.

20. Fave fics you’ve written?

All We Do Is Run (longest multi-chap I've ever written. this thing was years of my life.)

répète (the only one of my GMW/BMW fics I regularly go back to)

tin can telephones (it's all written in texts and dialogue and that was really fun)

I'm tagging @firstelevens @memequeme @galwithalibrarycard and anyone else who wants to do it!

[laventadorn]

because i said i don't write anymore, which hurts to admit? but it also hurts to write?? i thought i'd just dump some thoughts about that.

"some," she says. it got long. of course.

content warning for mentions of depression. nothing graphic, though!

One time in college, where I worked at the university bookstore (terrible job btw), I picked up one of those "interest" books about writing and analysis. The only part I remember is the author saying, "I realized that nobody was going to pay me to read books all day." Man, I wish they would! Nothing is as natural and pleasant to me as reading books all day.

I can't remember what that author did -- maybe they became an editor? I don't think they became a novelist, at any rate. But my solution to the same problem was to turn to writing. I think I wrote my first "story" (it was embarrassing; good for me) at thirteen.

In a feat of self confidence that is completely absent in most aspects of my life, I showed my writing to people without ever being terribly embarrassed by it. Usually I'm embarrassed to even, like, walk around in public, so I literally don't know where this virtually bullet proof confidence was forged. Was my writing confidence was siphoned off from everything else, leaving me a socially anxious wreck? Questions to ask God.

(People have said nasty things to me on the internet over the years, mostly on FF.Net, one reason why I quit posting there. One person wrote me a screed because I mentioned feminism in my Snily fic ajgagjgf. Where?? I don't even know, man.)

But it wasn't a lack of confidence that slowly stopped my writing, although a lack of confidence in other areas, ironically, has contributed.

For a long time I believed that writing was all I was good at. I've written a lot over the years, most of it stuff that nobody ever saw; rough practice, ideas that never went anywhere (I have a habit of polishing something without finishing it, and then abandoning it when I run out of steam). Writing was the only hobby I had. I spent so much time and energy on it, and on a deep level I believed I had to be good at writing, and acknowledged as good at it, or I, the personal me, was pointless.

On top of, or intertwined with, this self worth issue, I was deeply depressed for a long time. Writing was the only thing that distracted me from my depression, but it never solved the underlying problem, and in a big way I think my using writing as a coping mechanism made everything worse. I felt like I was trying to outrun my own dejection. (It was particularly intense while I was writing GoF, which is why that book is so... fraught, to me.) I didn't even realize I was depressed for the longest time, and during some of the worst of it, all I could do was write so I could avoid my own dejected thoughts and feelings of hopelessness, emptiness and despair.

A few things changed over time -- I went into therapy, got a better psychiatrist, a proper diagnosis (they kept trying to prescribe me medication for major depression/bipolar disorder, which isn't my problem) and the correct medication. I also got obsessed with the Great British Bake Off and started baking, which might not seem relevant, but a) it became my new "I must do this thing and become amazing at this thing or I am worthless" mental illness manifestation, and b) it was so different from writing, in a way that felt really good.

As you no doubt know if you've ever done it, writing is a very internal and isolating task. It's focused inward, and the bulk of the work is done all on your own. You can bounce ideas off someone, and you usually have an editor/beta reader if you can find one, but compared to all the work of originating and executing ideas, the time spent working with another person is minimal.

For me, with my mental illness, this was probably one of the worst hobbies I could've thrown myself into. I was already trapped in my own head, and writing just buried me further. My illness and my desperate attempts to distract myself from my illness reinforced this immersion in my own thoughts. It was miserable and suffocating, but I had no idea there was an alternative because I had no experience with anything else. (As a child I was forced by my mother to try all kinds of things I didn't have any interest in, so it wasn't like I'd only ever tried writing, it was just the only thing I'd picked or ever had fun with.)

Then I started baking and getting obsessed with baking, and suddenly, I had a hobby that was more externally focused. It required moving and making physical things that were obviously executed well or executed poorly. Writing isn't clear cut; you don't know how you're doing, really, until other people engage with your product. You can even drive yourself crazy trying to figure out what you're doing. But with baking, that pastry tastes good or it doesn't. It looks good or it doesn't. It can look good and taste bad, or, as usually happens with me, looks bad but tastes good.

I am very all-or-nothing. Once I started baking, I couldn't really make myself do anything else, but more importantly, I felt better. I wasn't stuck in my own head all the time. And what I was doing was fun in a very different way than writing was.

Don't get me wrong; I used to have such fun writing. My focus in both college and grad school was literature and creative writing. Those were good days, and I was happy. But writing slowly became, for me, this almost cancerous thing, or perhaps it would be better to say that my own habits became carcinogenic. And eventually I stopped being able to separate writing itself from how I felt at the lowest point of my writing.

I once bought a book called "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron in an attempt to jumpstart my creativity, but it wasn't quite what I needed. It was a book for writing recovery, but for people who'd had their creative impulses shut down at a formative age and as an adult could not reconnect with their creativity, resulting in depression and aimlessness. This hasn't been my problem. I was always encouraged. What happened to me was the result of depression itself.

It feels strange not to write anymore. I spent so long working on it, I sometimes wonder who I am if I'm not writing. I frequently feel that having these open stories is some kind of stain on my character. What am I doing if I'm not creating? is a thought that will occasionally strike me. I feel, frankly, like I've failed -- this aspiration I had since I was a teenager, to be a writer, has trailed away because I wasn't strong enough.

Obviously, this kind of intense self doubt is something I have to work through gradually on my own. When asked, "What is the meaning of life?" the Dalai Lama replied, "The meaning of life is to seek happiness. But what is happiness? That is something every person must decide for themselves." When I was in my early twenties, that was an easy question to answer. Writing made me happy; I was going to be a writer. And then writing stopped making me happy, so what was left?

Nothing has replaced it.

...

Honestly, when I sat down to write this, I didn't think I'd be introducing the topic of my identity crisis :)

[naomiosakas]

Hiii, I am a little bit in a tennis phase atm so I went a little through your blog (amazing content btw) and I saw your post about people being obsessed with whom Iga is dating - can I ask how bad the situation is/how that shows? Just because I am curious and have seen people allude to it several times

Hi! So, first of all, im from poland like iga herself and ppl here become often very obsessed with sports people that achieve success on the international lvl because it's still not THAT common; and iga is the best polish tennis player ever and she's still at the very start of her career

it's that notorious but it happens, I usually see this kind of stuff on polish twitter and on polish facebook (yeah, we still use fb here to some extent, I know it's kinda shoking for some ppl); I don't think many international fans are as obsessed with her personal life; but yeah I saw ppl discussing her sexuality, they were trying to investigate an appearance of a young man in her box who wasn't seen with iga before etc. they were also "shipping" her with carlitos because he was commenting/liking her posts or something (that was like a twitter thing I think)

the thing is, she's not very open about her personal life (only her dad and sister are somewhat seen in public with her, her mom decided to stay away from the spotlight) and we should accept it the way it is; she's definitely not trying to become a celebrity via tennis so I wish ppl stopped trying to treat her like one, if she starts sharing more one day, I would be very happy to get to know her better but nobody should push her into anything if she doesn't feel like it

[nostallgias]

        ☆ . * (  kristine  froseth,  cis  female,  she  /  her  )  hey,  look  !!   indigo  ‘indie’  dahl  aka  @nostalgias  is  online  and  ready  to  write  another  anonymous  post  on  the  broken  hearts  club.  rumor  has  it  they’re  here  because  she  ran  away  from  her  hometown  to  escape  her  family  and  ex  lover.  out  in  the  real  world  she  is  a  musician  /  bartender.  the  22  year  old  is  known  for  being  flighty  &  impetuous  but  make  up  for  it  by  being  vivacious  &  determined.  if  they  were  to  describe  themselves  they’d  say  they’re  chipped  nail  polish,  lipstick  stains  on  cigarettes,  driving  with  the  window  down  and  their  favorite  song  is  gold  dust  woman  by  fleetwood  mac.

        hello  everyone,  i’m  so  happy  2  b  in  this  rp   !!!   my  name  is  diana,  i’m  twenty  yrs  old,  a  libra,  and  reside  in  the  est  timezone.  some  quick  facts  abt  me  ...  i  am  a  girl  group  stan  and  lana  del  rey  enthusiast.  i  also  luv  cats.  anyway,  enough  abt  me,  u  can  learn  abt  my  muse  indigo  under  the  cut   !!!   my  discord  is   missing blackpink hours#5522  so  pls  hit  me  up  there  or  in  the  im’s  for  plots   !!   i  cannot  wait  to  get  started  <3   tw:  briefly  mentions  alcoholism  &  drugs

☆ . *   𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒄𝒔    !

full  name :  indigo  dahl

nickname(s)  :  indie

zodiac  :  sagittarius  sun,  gemini  moon   (  click  )

sexuality  :  bisexual

alignment  :  chaotic  good

pinterest  :  click

☆ . *   𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅    !

indie  grew  up  in  a  small  town  where  everyone  knows  everyone.  she  was  restless  and  curious,  but  there  wasn’t  much  to  do  in  a  town  that  small

her  parents  were  really  big  on  music,  so  there  was  always  something  playing  in  the  household.  it’s  safe  to  say  music  took  over  her  life.  she  started  to  learn  guitar,  then  later  bass

but  sadly  her  dad  left  them  when  she  was  still  young.  she  wanted  him  to  take  her  with  him,  so  she  could  finally  get  out  of  that  stupid  town,  but  he  left  her  with  her  mother  and  never  looked  back  :/

indie  and  her  mom  didn’t  get  along  too  well.  she  basically  planned  indie’s  entire  life  out,  down  to  who  she  should  marry.  after  her  father  left  them,  her  mom  wasn’t  rly  able  to  cope  with  it  too  well  and  she  kinda  turned  to  drinking,  and  the  music  that  was  always  playing  stopped  :(

indie  spent  her  middle  and  high  school  years  taking  care  of  her  mom,  who  was  too  drunk  to  function  at  all  times.  she  couldn’t  keep  a  job,  which,  was  fine  at  first  because  indie’s  grandparents  (  her  mother’s  parents  )  were  fairly  well  off,  and  they  could  live  off  of  them

that  was  until  her  grandparent’s  cut  them  off  after  finally noticing  their  daughter  was  an  alcoholic.  so,  they  were  pretty  much  left  with  no  source  of  income

indie  started  working  as  soon  as  she  was  old  enough.  she  worked  two  jobs  in  high school,  which  didn’t  leave  her  much  time  to  focus  on  school.  she  never  cared  for  school  anyway,  her  focus  was  always  music,  but  she  didn’t  even  have  much  time  for  that  anymore

her  mother  seemed  to  have  a  new  boyfriend  every  week,  men  who  always  acted  like  they  were  here  to  say.  all  of  them  tried  to  control  indie,  but  she  resented  every  single  one  of  them.  she  could  see through  the  lies

she  spent  most  of  her  time  away  from  home,  she  didn’t  even  like  sleeping  there.  it  didn’t  feel  like  home  anymore,  and  it  hadn’t  for  a  long  time

one  day,  one  of  her  mother’s  boyfriends  actually  stuck  around.  indie  just  kept  waiting  and  waiting  for  the  day  he’d  leave,  but  he  never  did.  her  mother  remarried

after  remarrying,  her  mother  kinda  got  her  life  back  on  track  again.  she  immediately  went  back  to  trying  to  control  indie  again.  indie  absolutely  hated  it,  but  she  was  happy  to  see  her  mother  in  a  good  place  again,  so  she  tried  to  fit  the  mold  

indie  barely  graduated  high  school  and  never  went  to  college.  she  continued  working  for  the  next  few  years,  saving  up  money  and  working  on  music

she  started  dating  the  guy  her  mother  chose  for  her.  it  was  okay  at  first,  but  the  spark  was  always  missing.  the  longer  she  was  with  him  though,  she  began  to  realize  that  he  wanted  to  stay  in  that  stupid  little  town  forever,  and  the  idea  of  spending  the  rest  of  her  life  there  terrified  her  so  much  she  decided  to  runaway

so,  she  packed  all  her  things  and  ran  away  in  the  middle  of  the  night.  she  drove  through  the  night  to  find  her  father,  but  when  she  found  him,  she  learned  he  had  remarried  and  started  a  new  family

deep  down,  she  always  knew  he  didn’t  want  her,  otherwise  he  would’ve  made  an  effort  over  the  years.  but  she  really  had  to  see  it  to  believe  it

and  that’s  how  she  found  her  way  to  chicago.  she  never  told  her  mother  where  she  went,  but  she  knew  she  was  looking  for  her  and  so  was  her  ex

her  grandparent’s  send  her  money  every  once  in  a  while,  and  although  they  aren’t  close,  they  understand  why  she  ran  away  and  want  her  to  have  the  chance  to  start  fresh

she  stumbled  across  the  forum  one  day  and  decided  to  join  it,  because  she  was  starting  to  feel  a  little  lost  and  it  has  helped  her  a  lot

☆ . *   𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚    !

indie  is  extremely  extroverted.  she  is  a  social  butterfly  and  will  befriend  literally  anyone.  the  tricky  part  is  getting  close  to  her,  though.  she  tends  to  keep  her  emotions  to  herself.  she  presents  a  version  of  herself  to  the  world,  one  who  is  always  happy  and  alive  because  she  thinks  that’s  the  only  version  of  her  that  people  will  like

she  has  such  a  curious  soul  !!  all  she  wants  to  do  is  explore  and  experience  new  things,  so  she’s  always  down  for  an  adventure.  she  loves  a  good  party  because  she  loves  to  be  around  people.  she’s  a  social  drinker  and  drug  user  (  except  for  weed,  which  she  smokes  a  lot  )

indie  doesn’t  have  any  idea  about  what  love  is,  but  she  knows  she  wants  it.  she  wants  a  great,  interesting,  devoted  love,  but  is  having  trouble  finding  it.  so  she  tends  to  have  a  lot  of  lovers,  but  they  mostly  end  up  being  casual.  she  gets  bored  easily,  so  if  it  isn’t  exciting  at  all  times,  she  kinda  dips  akjsdhsdjhk  it’s  her  fear  of  abandonment  

she  is  obsessed  with  the  70′s,  from  the  music  to  the  aesthetics.  stevie  nicks  is  her  inspiration.  she  loves  music  of  all  eras,  though.  she  loves  thrifting,  and  her  style  is  heavily  influenced  by  70′s  fashion

she  can  be  pretty  spontaneous,  but  also  reckless.  she  wants  everything  in  life  to  be  an  adventure,  so  it  has  gotten  her  into  trouble  in  the  past

hates  authority  figures,  literally  she  has  so  much  trouble  with  respecting  authority  now  because  she  feels  like  she  wasted  her  entire  life  doing  that  for  people  who  didn’t  respect  her

has  a  hard  time  taking  things  seriously,  except  for  music  because  that  is  her  entire  life

☆ . *   𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅  𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒏𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔    !

party  buddies  -  they  always  go  to  parties  together.  maybe  they  don’t  see  each  other  outside  of  parties,  maybe  they  met  at  a  party  and  became  close  friends  afterwards

drinking  /  smoking  buddies  -  someone  she  can  drink  or  smoke  with.  maybe  they  have  a  more  casual  friendship,  but  anytime  they  hang  out,  they  share  some  interesting  conversations

confidant  - someone  who  confides  in  her  or  someone  she  confides  in,  or  they  confide  in  each  other.  they  don’t  necessarily  have  to  be  the  closest  friends  ever,  but  they  get  along,  trust  each  other,  and  maybe  they  talk  more  in  private

frenemies  - they’re  friends,  but  maybe  they’re  always  trying  to  one  up  each  other.  they  might  gossip  behind  each  other’s  backs.  sometimes  they  get  along  perfectly  well,  but  maybe  sometimes  they  get  into  stupid  fights

protective  friends  - friends  who  feel  extremely  protective  over  one  another.  indie  will  literally  fight  anyone  who  hurts  them

sibling-like  friendship  - indie  is  an  only  child,  so  i  would  love  for  her  to  have  someone  she  sees  like  a  sibling.  they’re  there  for  each  other,  look  out  for  one  another  and  always  have  each  other’s  backs

dynamic  duo  /  best  friend  - ride  or  dies.  platonic  soulmates   !! this  person  is  probably  the  closest  friend  she  has  and  actually  knows  her  well  !   a  power  duo

partner  in  crime  -  someone  who  always  goes   along  with  her  antics.  someone  who  she  bounces  off  of  and  they  do  dumb  /  fun  shit  together   !!!   her  adventure  buddy

online  friends  -  her  favorite  person  on  the  forum.  she  is  always  interacting  with  them  and  is  literally  always  the  first  to  comment  on  their  posts  or  something.  maybe  they  confide  in  each  other

bandmates  -  if  your  muse  sings,  plays  guitar,  bass,  drums  or  keyboard,  they  can  be  in  a  band !!!  indie  plays  guitar,  bass,  and  also  sings  so  she  can  do whichever  of  these  is  needed  !!  she  also  likes  to  compose  music,  but  with  bandmates  they  will  collaborate  and  make  stuff  together  of  course

groupie  love  -  i  didn’t  know  what  to  call  this  plot  so  pls  ignore  the  name,  i  went  for  a  lana  del  rey  song  title aksdhsdjkh  but  basically  maybe  ur  muse  was  there  at  one  of  the  little  gigs  she  played  and  they  became  acquainted  after  that  !!!  this  can  be  romantic  or  platonic,  we  can  plot  it  however.  but  maybe  they  keep  going  to  her  shows  and  she’s  always  happy  to  see  them

flirtationship  - they  flirt  constantly,  but  nothing  serious  has  come  out  of  their  flirting.  maybe  they  have  good  chemistry,  but  haven’t  really  tried  to  explore  it  further

ex-fling  - maybe  they  ended  things  more  recently,  or  maybe  they  ended  things a  few  months  or  a  year  ago.  they  could  have  ended  on  good  or  bad  terms.  maybe  someone  or  both  of  them  still  have  feelings,  or  maybe  they’re  just  friends  or  don’t  talk  now

current fling  /  friends  w  benefits  - someone  she  is  currently  seeing.  could  be  no  strings  attached,  or  there  could  b  some  feelings  there.  maybe  they  don’t  want  to  make  it  anything  serious,  or  maybe  they’re  ready  to  take  it  to  the  next  level.  maybe  one  person  is  ready  to  go  further,  and  the  other  isn’t

requited  /  unrequited  crush  - maybe  she  has  a  crush  on  ur  muse,  whether  it’s  a  deep  crush  or  a  more  surface  level  crush.  OR  ur  muse  could  have  a  crush  on  her  and  maybe  she’s  oblivious  to  it  !!!   maybe  our  muses  have  crushes  on  each  other   !!!  maybe  it  isn’t  super  serious,  or  maybe  it  is

will  they,  won’t  they  - there’s  feelings  between  them,  but  they  haven’t  made  the  plunge  to  pursue  whatever  they  have.  longing,  yearning,  lingering  glances

take  care  -  someone  who  looks  after  her  when  she  parties  a  little  too  hard   !!!   someone  she  trusts  who  keeps  her  out  of  trouble  when  she’s  under  the  influence  and  feeling  too  reckless  for  her  own  good

enemies  w/  benefits  -  there  was  always  underlying  tension  between  them,  even though  they  couldn’t  really  stand  each  other.  maybe  they  hooked  up  at  a  party  and  now,  despite  their  personal  feelings  towards  each  other,  they  still  continue  to  hook  up

cyber  sex  -  once  again,  i  didnt  kno  what  to  title  this  so  i  went  for  a  doja  cat  song AJKSDSJKH  but  basically  someone  on  the  forum  she  has  a  crush  on.  i  think  it’s  funny  because  she  has  noooo  idea  who  they  are  irl  but  maybe  they connect  super  well  online

ex-friends  - someone  she  used  to  consider  a  best  /  close  friend,  but  they  had  a  falling  out  for  whatever  reason  n  maybe  they  strongly  dislike  each  other  now.  maybe  they  want  to  re-kindle  their  friendship  but  don’t  know  how

dealer  -  someone  she  buys  drugs  from,  they  could  be  friends  or  it’s  strictly  business

bad  influence  -  someone  indie  is  a  bad  influence  on.  she  maybe  influences  them  to  party,  drink  or  do  drugs,  or  do  stupid  reckless  things  with  her

good  influence  -  someone  that  is  a  good  influence  on  her  and  gets  her  to  keep  her  act  together.  she  has  trouble  caring  about  anything  that  isn’t  music  related,  so  this  person  can  keep  her  on  track

roommates  -  one  to  two  people  that  she  lives  with  !!!  they  can  get  along,  or  maybe  they  don’t  vibe  super  well.  but  if  they  do  get  along  they  can  do  cute  stuff like  bake  and  watch  movies  together

coworkers  -  indie  is  a  bartender,  so  she  can  work  at  the  bar  or  restaurant  that  your  muse  works  at

meet  me  at  the  bar  -  someone  who  frequents  her  job  a  lot.  maybe  they’re  her  favorite  customer  and  she  loves  whenever  they  come.  we  can  plot  this  out  however !!!

congratulations  !!!  you  have  finally  reached  the  end  of  my  unnecessarily  long  intro  aksdjhsdjhk  i  would  like  to  thank  u  for  reading  and  apologize  for  all  the  rambling  i  did  <3  anyway  i  would  luv  to  plot,  so  i’ll  send  message  u  asap  if  u  like  this  post   !!!  we  can  definitely  plot  over  im’s,  but  i  am  partial  to  discord  if  u  wanna  add  me  there:    missing blackpink hours#5522

[enniewritesathing]

Simmer Get to Know

I was tagged by @pink-chevalier​ (thank you~~)

Languages you speak: English. I did speak Japanese at some point but uhm, it’s insanely broken by now.

Are you a mermaid: No... but I do wish I lived by the ocean again.

Your Playstyle: I don’t really have a style? I guess random gameplay. Sometimes there’s a story or two in there somewhere.

Your Simself Picture: I am... far too shy to do this. And I probably won’t be satisfied with it. Maybe one day. 🤷‍♀️

Stories or Gameplay, builds, lookbooks, edits or cc: I’ve been only able to make stories. My attention span isn’t the greatest so legacies aren’t really a thing. More power to those who do it. I keep saying I wanna do edits... but poses? Yeah, I do those, a LOT of them.

Your favorite age state: Young adult :)

Your favorite season: Spring

Your favorite holiday: Christmas. Two years in a row that I’ve surprised my parents with some good ass gifts. 

How was your day: Well, the weather was absolute shit this morning and I didn’t know it until I got ready to go to class. My teacher knows I live a distance away and if the weather’s bad, I’d probably skip. I got there 10 minutes late, but it’s not a big deal. Then I went to the gym after, did some cardio (ugh) and deadlifts. I had to adjust my belt back a notch (<_<;;) but I did 275lbs for 3. State’s in 3 months and I gotta get back down to where I was so I can continue my streak in the 84kg category. 

Your favorite career: I wish there was more to it than it already is, but I do like the medical career. Or rather, I wish there was more incidents or random events. And not the same 10 patients either. 

Your favorite aspiration: Uuuh???

Your favorite EP, SP or GP: EP: Seasons, SP: Tiny Living, GP: Vampires 

How old is your Simblr: I think it’s like 5 years old.

Have you woohooed: *laughs in Ace* (I’m not repulsed though; I’d say neutral)

Your favorite skill: Repair. Because you can also upgrade something to it being unbreakable and you don’t have to worry about it anymore.

The size of your mods folder: 14.7GB. It’s not organized. I just slap stuff in there.

Your 3 favorite mods: MCCC, WW, Selectable Pets

Your interests (other than the sims): Well, right now I am deep into powerlifting to the point of me going to competitions 4 years and counting. Maybe I’ll cross post pics over here one day. Slightly obsessed with weather (you should see me during hurricane season), collecting nail polish... and of course video games.

Your favorite Sim (picture if possible):  I have a favorite pair and of course it’s these two:

Which Sims games have you played (including mobile games): I have played a little of TS1, TS2, but I remember TS3 the most. I didn’t get everything at the time, and my computer was always butt cheeks running them -- especially TS3 omg.

Propose a crazy scheme: Universal Healthcare in America. CRAZY HUH?

Best part of Simblr: Goood lord, everyone is talented?? The editing, the clothes, the hair, it’s like how?? Making stuff out of the tiniest thing -- like right now, some people are making the clothes that weren’t picked for the next stuff pack (you mean to tell me NO ONE PICKED THE MALE PANTS?? who the hell is voting I just wanna talk to ya’ll)

Worst part of Simblr: hahaha where do I begin? Greatest hits include Patreon, rude ass anons (I’ve had to block a few myself), the drama (and I’m trying to do figure out what the hell happened and Yikes), the whole worshipping of ‘big’ simblrs (and the consequences)... this is why I just stay in my lane and do my own thing.

What other games you play: I’ve played and liked the Assassin’s Creed series, but I stopped after 3 because of how dirty they did to my dudes Desmond and Connor/ Ratonhnhaké:ton. I have played a bit of Origins and I need to finish it one day but oh my god that game is really big. I’ve also played and loved the Mass Effect series... but damn they dropped the ball on that after 3 (I wasn’t like, mad at the endings but a little annoyed.) DDR, though there’s no machines near me. I haven’t played since last year, and the nearest one is 2 hours away. I was working on 16s when I stopped so I can probably do 13s and maybe a few 14s at best.

For the fun: Rayman Origins/Legends (why aren’t there more??), Crash Bandicoot, Untitled Goose Game, 

For the thrills or for the need to kill assholes: I haven’t played any action games/shooters in a while... although I am interested in playing Doom (2016) and Doom Eternal, even though I might be overwhelmed by how fast paced it is. The aesthetics looks amazing.

Are you single: Yeah, and continue to be until whenever. It’s not a big deal.

[purplesurveys]

564

You hate these 'Are we alike?' surveys, but you still can't resist them. I don’t hate them, I just don’t like just bolding stuff. I get talkative when it comes to surveys so I like explaining myself, like right now haha. I definitely answer these types much less often, though. You are female. Indeed I am. You are eighteen years of age. I’m three years older than that. Your hair is an unnatural (but tasteful) shade of red. It’s black, and I’ve never dyed it red either. You have brown eyes. It’s either black or very dark brown, because I’m not sure if black eyes are actually a thing.

You are single. Nah and haven’t been in a while. You have one older brother. Nope, I’m the eldest in the immediate family and I’m a sister to two siblings. You are third generation Russian and Polish. I’m quite sure there is zero tinge of both bloods in me. You live in Florida. And I also live way too far from Florida. I don’t think we’re much alike, man lol. ^And it is just way too fucking hot for you. Not at the moment. Christmas weather is approaching fast, so I can actually go nights without turning on the aircon now. You are currently waiting to get a piercing. Nope. Terrified of them. You have lots of tattoos already planned out. I don’t have any design ideas other than my dog’s pawprint and a plate of nachos. You write, but don't really consider yourself a 'writer'. If I did, it would probably be an insult to writers. I’m not always confident about my writing, even though I love to do it. You love photography (and not because it's 'popular' these days). I respect the skill and the profession, but I don’t do it myself. I used to try out my hand in it though precisely because it was popular, but that was like nine years ago; I quickly realized I wasn’t any good at holding a camera. You drink tea and coffee on a regular basis. I don’t drink tea and I probably drink coffee 1-2 times a week only.

Gore generally makes you laugh. I try not to laugh at it because I know artists spend a fuckton of time working on making it look legitimate (not related to gore but I felt bad when a bunch of fans called out Bryan Cranston’s bald cap in the El Camino movie, especially knowing that Greg Nicotero, AKA dude who works on the makeup in The Walking Dead, was in the team who made the cap. They did what they could and it highkey looks pretty good, but some fans are just brutal); but if the gore was intentionally corny or bad, then I might laugh.

You basically write down everything because you're afraid you'll forget. Yep, that’s why my Notes app is a list of the most random shit. You're a 'highschool drop-out'. No, I graduated. ^And you're currently working towards your GED. We don’t have that here; I don’t actually know what that means. Am open to anyone explaining it to me! Hahaha You don't really care what anyone thinks about you. Of course I care. But it only matters most when the opinions come from the people close to me. You Tweet excessively and shamelessly. I was definitely more obsessed before (I would probably do 150-200 tweets a day and the website would usually kick me out for an hour for tweeting too much). But I mellowed down over the years when I realized making Twitter my life was a horrible habit and that I needed to get off my laptop lol. I still have the app open all day long, but I do more lurking than posting tweets.

It bothers you that almost every statement on this thing begins with 'you'. It’s supposed to be an are-we-alike survey so I don’t see why that trend should be a problem. Winter is your favorite season. Which is weird because I’ve never experienced it. But based on everyone’s stories about how winter is in their area, it sounds beautiful. You know every word to Badlands by Bruce Springsteen. I have never heard a single note of that song. ^And you're not ashamed to admit it. c: You're afraid to go to sleep most nights. Nah. I’m RELIEVED to sleep every night, especially after a long day lmao You have a blog and you're not afraid to use it. :D This is my blog. I’m not afraid to use it but I definitely am cautious about anyone in real life finding out about it. 'Cheesy', 'dorky', 'weird' and 'freaky' are all terms that apply to you. I’m sure everyone identifies with at least one of these words. You are not religious. That I am not. There was a very VERY brief moment when I was ~17 that I went back to my Catholic roots but that fizzled out quickly once I got to college. ^You are spiritual. No. You can't resist making your mom jokes. They’re old, cheap, and unfunny. Except for the White Chick ones HAHAHA ^Or 'that's what she said' jokes. These are even worse. You have a minor obsession with travel-sized objects. Not really. Hades is a BAMF. <3 Like, Percy Jackson-Hades? Idk, I’ve never seen the movie. ^You actually know who Hades is. (Lawlz.) ^ That’s the only Hades I know. You plan on getting two kittens and naming them Hades and Apollo. I don’t plan on getting kittens, and boy these statements are starting to get real specific that no one else is most likely to relate to them lmao. Serial killers never cease to both amaze and fascinate you. I mean I don’t glorify them in the way you just worded it, but I am interested in reading about them. You have a thing for anything vintage or gothic. Before, I guess. Not so much nowadays. You don't have a lot of patience for stupid people. For stupid drivers, mainly. You tell your fair share of racist jokes. ??? This is one of your are-we-alikes????????? You think neck tattoos are sexyy. I find them neither sexy nor unsexy, but I do inwardly cringe because I always imagine just how much it would have hurt to have had it made, especially tattoos on the throat. You want a mosh pit at your wedding. :D Hell no. 14 year old, punk rocking, headbanging Robyn may have wanted that, but I’m so glad she grew up over the years. The Black Cat by Edgar Allen Poe made you cry. I don’t think I’ve ever read it. You get showtunes stuck in your head on a daily basis. I don’t like that kind of music. You eat emo kids for breakfast. Ok now this is just awful. ^And then follow up with a helping of scene kids for lunch. What the hell does eating emo and scene kids even supposed to mean? You secretly want to become a zombie-human hybrid. I’ve seen enough The Walking Dead to not want this scenario for myself. You strongly believe in peace through superior firepower. No.  You hate hippies. Also no. You actually take the time to look up words you don't know the meanings to. Sure. Googling literally takes five seconds, sometimes fewer. You have a habit of calling everything 'ridiculous'. I like using it as an adverb but I wouldn’t call it a habit.

You love Skwisgaar from Metalocalypse. :D Never heard of both of those things. You wish to invest in a pair of plaid pants. Not my style. You love scaring people--literally and figuratively. Not really. You hate the Fourth of July. I don’t celebrate it so I don’t have reason to hate it. You get excited over new pens and notebooks. That’s being a college student for ya.

^And basically any other kind of art supplies. I guess, but pens and notebooks excite me most. You have a thing for Mustangs. (The car, not the horse.) No. In the Philippines, Mustangs are the most basic of luxury cars so I’ve stopped being impressed when I see them around hahaha. You shamelessly jam to 'Don't Stop Believing' every chance you get. No. You think boundaries are overrated. :D No, they’re necessary. You rarely drink soda. I hate the feeling when it goes down my throat. You always procrastinate until the very last possible minute. For certain work that I particularly don’t like doing. Your favorite font on Microsoft Word is 'calibri'. It’s far from my favorite. You enjoy talking in various fake accents. I can’t do accents. The only time you ever thought Brad Pitt was sexy was when he was in 'Troy' I haven’t seen much of his stuff but I find him very attractive in general. You can make the fuck out of some brownies. c: I don’t bake. You don't do well with change. Sometimes. You always listen to music before going to sleep. I don’t; I find it too loud. You thought this was gay. Ugh, this is awful. ^And you now want to lodge a battle axe into my brain. I’m not THAT violent.

[anagraves]

[28]

I was tagged by @brenli , thank you so much! I don’t think I’ve ever done anything so long on this page :D So, here we go! It will be a little messy, ‘cause I’m constantly overtired and feel slightly rusty with my English, and also withholding some facts, ‘cause I’m paranoid. Sorry. 

1. how tall are you?  158 cm, which means I’m usually the tiniest person around. I don’t mind, though. 

2. what color and style is your hair?  Natural color is pretty mousy and I hate it, so I’ve been dying my hair since junior highschool, I guess. Till last year I always dyed them claret, but last holiday I changed it to something that starts as black and finishes as plum.  I used to have them shoulder-length, but four years ago I cut them really short and since then I am a proud owner of very little hair on my head. I do envy people with long hair, but well, I know what I have now fits me better. 

3. what color are your eyes?  Green.

4. do you wear glasses? Yup, constantly since the end of elementary school. With myopia that goes to - 6 I really do not see much without my glasses. I’ve never used contacts nor do I intend to, I can’t imagine having to touch my eyeballs or anything.

5. do you wear braces? Not anymore, thankfully! But I did, for 7 years!!! I still have to wear some stuff at nights and I have one element left on my lower teeth, but that’s all. 

6. what is your fashion style? I don’t think I have one. I mean I don’t like fashion, so I just wear whatever I feel like wearing. My clothes are diverse, but they are usually dark and with something interesting on them (imprints/spikes/other metal things). I have a lot of T-shirts/sweaters with skulls and animals (especially cats and owls). I love warm sweaters, hoodies, jeans and leather jackets. I am obsessed with high heels, my favorite shoes are a black leather ones that reach well above my ankles and have like an 8-cm-long heel. I don’t own a single skirt (like... no) and I have only a few dresses which I wear only if I’m forced to (big dislike for these ones as well). I’m an all-trousers girl. I definitely prefer my style casual; when it comes to elegance I like to wear black in general - black smooth trousers and black suit. 

7. full name? Sorry, I don’t feel comfortable disclosing it online. 

8. when were you born? July 12, 1994.

9. where are you from and where do you live now? I was born in a small-ish town in southern Poland and now I still live in southern Poland, but in a much bigger town. So not much of a change, just a few hours of travel by car. 

10. what school do you go to? One Polish university, four months to go and it will be the end of any school for me! 

11. what kind of student are you? Up till university, I was an excellent student, always the best at everything. I was definitely a geek who learned too much. And I always wanted to be at the top. University changed it completely; even when I’m trying hard I’m just average. If I like a subject it shows and I’m having good grades, but generally, I’m all for passing, not excelling. I’m learning a lot and it still isn’t enough right now, which is frustrating at times, especially when I compare myself to my colleagues. On other occasions... I simply don’t care. I just want to pass.

12. do you like school? Well... It depends on the period of my life. I think I didn’t mind elementary school, I hated junior high school and liked actual high school. About university... every year is different, so there were good ones and there were bad ones. I’m not a fan of it in general, though. 

13. what are your favorite school subjects? Pre-uni: Maths and Chemistry, mostly, but Chemistry was my biggest and most unexpected love during my time at school. When it first started I had no idea what it was and I was terrified with it, plus I was behind the whole class because of some disease and I was honestly so nervous about it. Then, a month later, I kinda... fell for it and stayed infatuated with it till the end of junior high. And that’s mostly how I found myself on medical studies a few years later. My teacher from junior high was so amazing she made me love Chemistry more than anything, but sadly, my teacher from high school ruined it all. I had a great Biology teacher then, though it didn’t make me love Biology. It just enabled me to get into the uni I wanted to get to.  I almost always liked my English classes as well, because I had some really amazing teachers and I loved English. I still do, languages are amazing. 

Uni: Histology, Pharmacology, Surgery. The first two are the only ones I excelled at. Surgery - not so much, but I still did well on the final exam. 

14. favorite TV shows? It is both an easy and difficult question. Easy because I do have one TV series I consider my ultimate favorite, and it’s Angel from Buffyverse. The best thing about it is the most amazing character development I’ve ever seen, and trust me, I’m a sucker when it comes to character development. My favorite character from there is one of my ultimate faves (if not THE one) and his path is one of the most epic ever. Plus it has an amazing material for shipping and some great acting, it’s dark, depressing and hopeless, and that’s what I love. It’s also one of the few examples of TV series when I actually LIKE the main character; he’s actually one of the people I like the most. It almost never happens; usually, I’m very anti-main characters (e.g. LotR, HP).

The question gets difficult because there are also such shows as Chuck, Firefly or Code Black, amazing and mostly flawless (apart from the ending of Chuck), but are they my favorites? At times, maybe. In general... I just don’t know. Bones and Castle fought for my undivided attention for years (most of the times Bones was on the winning side) and they’re both in my top 10, though probably not top 3. Plus, there are some gems that had such amazing potential, but were cut short and had too little time to develop; apart from Firefly, it would be, e.g. Monday Mornings, Perception, Black Box.

There were also a lot of amazing TV shows I loved dearly during some of their seasons, but almost always something happened and they got ruined. PLL, TVD, Grey’s Anatomy (I feel like I’m watching it now for one pairing only), OUaT and so on. House was my first American TV series and I’ll always have a place for it in my heart. I love GoT in its very early and very late seasons, but what comes in between? Nope.  

(I watch way too much TV.) 

The honorary mentions should go to some non-American shows (honestly speaking, I’m kinda tired with the general trends of American TV at the moment). I’ve started my adventures with TV with Polish soap operas that I completely adored; when I discovered American TV I stopped watching them entirely and don’t intend to come back. I love some good English dramas, but BBC tends to get a little bit overdramatic or too dark even for me (Ripper Street ripped my heart from my chest). Speaking of ripping hearts, let’s not forget about the Japanese ones, as @brenli mentioned! They are something completely different, they have amazing plotlines and characters, and - sometimes - Hiroyuki Sanada who is just everything (and I get to analyze the shows with @brenli, which makes them even better). Koukou Kyoushi will stay with me for years to come, probably Konna Koi No Hanashi as well. Considering my current Asian phase I expect to see much more of Japanese (or maybe Korean) dramas in the future.

15. favorite movies? There are a few movies I could watch on constant repeat and they mean so much to me. Let’s categorize them in genres, shall we?  Animation: How to Train Your Dragon (especially the first part, the second one breaks my heart too much), Ice Age 3; plus the tales of my childhood I could watch five times a day - Pocahontas, Mulan, Spirit: Stallion of Cimarron. Period: Pride & Prejudice 2005. Rom-com: Holiday; Love, Actually. Adventure: Pirates of the Caribbean 1-3. Sci-fi: Matrix 1 & 3.  Plus a few honorary mentions that are equally important, but I just wouldn’t have them on constant rewatch: LotR, SW, HP, Indiana Jones (not every part for every one of these series), National Treasure. There are also a few amazing anime movies (Spirited Away, Kimi No Na Wa, Wolf Children) and among them some masterpieces I think were wonderful, but too heartbreaking to ever watch them again (Grave of the Fireflies, Princess Kaguya). 

16. favorite books? Most of my favorite books are cycles that I grew up with - LotR, HP, Inkheart Trilogy, the Vampirates series, Artemis Fowl, Jeżycjada (a Polish series about a multi-generational Polish family), Felix, Net i Nika (kinda Polish version of HP with science and technology in place of magic), some books by Ewa Nowak. Also, Pride & Prejudice. I’ve loved a lot of books since, but does any of them deserve to be called a “favorite”? I’m not so sure about it.

17. favorite pastime? Writing, from the moment I’ve learned to write (4 years old, I believe). Second best would be watching TV series; when I was younger I’d much rather like to read a book, but that kinda changed. Though, if I’m being honest, at the time being it would be watching ski jumping competitions or anything BTS-related. These past two weeks (yup, I’ve been writing this post for two weeks) has been an interesting journey of interchanging obsessions, some revisited (sj) and some I’ve never expected to develop (BTS).

18. do you have any regrets? Sure, who doesn’t? I’m trying to live by the rule “regret doing something rather than not doing it”, but well, it can’t always work. 

19. dream job? A writer, for sure, always and forever. That is the one thing that has been with me my whole life. Apart from that? Well... Some time after I started my studies I developed a strong dream of becoming a neurosurgeon one day, but this dream faltered this year and now I’m not so sure anymore. Now I feel like I made a completely wrong career choice those few years ago. 

20. would you like to get married someday? Marriage has never been one of my dreams or something I HAVE to do in the future, but I definitely want to have someone by my side, and if they want to get married, then sure, we can do that. Not necessarily though. 

21. would you like to have kids someday? No, no and once again no, and there are so many reasons! First, I do know my body would not be physiologically okay with pregnancy (and after studying Gynaecology I do believe pregnancy is one of the worst things - if not THE worst - that could ever happen to one’s body) and I have no intention of doing such a thing to myself. Second, children scare me; my whole life I’ve been doing my best to keep my distance and avoid contact at any cost (which kinda worked as far, I’ve never even held a baby). Third, I have no maternal instinct and I do know I would be a terrible mother, so what’s the point? 

23. do you like shopping? No. Since I was a child, when my parents took me shopping I always had a book with me and just followed them around while reading (somehow I managed not to collide with anything throughout all these years :P). I still do the same thing if someone makes me go with them to the mall, only now it’s more often my phone, not a book. I love buying books, though. I used to go to the bookshops and buy five books at a time. I don’t do that right now, because a) money b) I have tons of unread books already, but I could still go there and spend hours just looking at the books and reading their covers. 

24. what countries have you visited? Only one, and I’m not even sure it should count. I’ve been to Slovakia twice, but both times only like 50km from the border, and I’ve spent there max few hours. So... it definitely wasn’t even remotely close to this “going abroad” I’ve been always dreaming about... 

25. what’s the scariest nightmare you’ve ever had? Hmm... There was one in my adult life that left me absolutely terrified; I remember waking up and feeling paralyzed with fear. I had a feeling someone was standing in the doorway, but I was too scared to turn around and see, so I was just lying there with my eyes wide open, waiting until the fear passes or something else happens... What was the dream about? I only remember it took place in some fancy mansion near the beach that was either mine or one of my friends’. I think it wasn’t actually a nightmare until the very end when something bad was about to happen to someone who was standing in the living room. The other person was creeping in the dark or something like that, and the character in the dream had the same kind of fear I woke up with. I didn’t actually want to remember more details. 

26. do you have any enemies? I did have some, on every stage of my education, but they are no longer in my life. Nowadays I think I’m too irrelevant to be anyone’s enemy. There are some people with whom I share a mutual dislike, but “enemies” is probably too strong of a word in these cases. 

27. do you have an s/o? Nope. Never had. 

28. do you believe in miracles? Well... not really. I believe in luck and destiny, but miracles? I definitely don’t believe in them in any religious context (I’m completely anti-religion). When it comes to some other kinds of miracles, like medical ones - I know things happen, wonderful things that have no logical explanation, but I do believe that deep down, even though we don’t know it, they have some logical explanation. We just can’t see it. 

Finished! Finally! :D Hopefully it isn’t too chaotic, I don’t really have time to reread it and check for mistakes, Family Medicine is waiting to devour me... 

I’m tagging: @frombothofmyhearts @thesilverrqueen @mis4nthropy and anyone who wants to do it! Just be warned - it takes a lot of time to answer all of the questions :P 

[hydrospanners]

Justw ondering what your writing process is like?

It’s me, ya girl, coming at you with an answer twenty years after you asked the question!!! Sorry for the delay; I’m actually really excited to answer this! And I’m excited to be excited to answer this!!!

I am a Perfectionist, Anon. It is not a good quality. For most of my life, I was so petrified by the possibility of someone seeing something I hadn’t polished within an inch of it’s life that I wouldn’t even acknowledge I had a process. I wouldn’t mention I was writing something until it was completely done out of fear that they might want to talk to me about it when I hadn’t finalized everything and I might not represent my very best possible creative work. Also I never really thought of myself as being enough of a writer to have a process. That seemed too good for the likes of me!

But here we are now, in the Year of Our Thor 2019, and I am psyched to tell you every detail of my process and show you a side by side of my first draft and final product!!! That is so much progress for me, Anon, and I didn’t even realize I’d made until you sent me this so thank you!!!

(This is going to be long--please hold your gasps of surprise--so I’m putting the rest under a cut. Seriously I just finished writing this post and it’s an absolute BEAST.)

So my process!! I’m actually trying to make some changes to it to be more supportive of my efforts to kick the Perfectionist habits, but right now it basically looks like this:

1. There is an idea. Often times it comes from a question, like “How would Rea deal with what I’m feeling right now?” or “Is this a problem in space?” or something like that. Other times it comes from a snippet of dialogue that occurs to me while I’m listening to a song or watching tv or driving or in the shower or something. Sometimes it’s as minor as a gesture or a mood. Sometimes I’m just trying to exercise a certain muscle as a writer. This fic sprang up out of me wanting to work on describing settings. Wherever it comes from, I have the idea. I open a new Google doc and I slap down as much of the idea as I have developed.The lines of dialogue or the question I want to answer or just a few sentences about what I want to show or what I’m trying to achieve.

2. Time passes. I might work on the fic in feverish fits and starts, obsessing over it for three days and then ignoring it completely for three weeks. I might not look at it at all. The fic sits fragmented in my WIP folder and marinates. Usually this happens for about 1-3 years after the fic’s initial conception. I’m not joking about this. I think my average time for completing a fic is 2 years. The reason for that is the aforementioned Perfectionism.

3. I get tired of looking at in my WIP folder and/or I commit to some kind of special event/holiday thing. Fictober rolls around and I go on a kick of completing and editing the stuff in my WIP folder or I just get annoyed with myself for not completing things or it’s suddenly Arbor Day again and I have that tree-related fic I started two years ago that I could finally finish! This is when I buckle down and Write The Damn Thing. Once it’s written, I do an immediate edit and then I try to sleep on it for at least one night before going back and editing again. After that I usually like to sleep on it at least one more night before hitting publish. Sometimes I don’t have the self-restraint for all of this or I’m doing an event where I’ve committed myself to publishing something every single day, so the timeline gets compressed to a few hours between edits instead of a full day.

As for my writing set up, I’ve really leaned in to writing wherever I am and whenever I can. That’s more or less why I only write fic in Google Docs even though I passionately love Scrivener. (All my original work, which is more involved, is done on Scrivener.) 

I do a lot of writing in the quiet, early hours at work when I don’t have work to do. I do probably my most efficient writing when I hit a diner or coffee shop after work and settle in with my iPad and a snack. I can’t distract myself with doing chores or playing games like I do at home, and working on my iPad makes it annoying to switch tabs and apps and do other stuff while I write. Plus I’m eager to get home and take my pants off so that motivates me to let Perfectionism go and write something bad just to hit my goal so I can leave. At home, I’m usually on the couch with my iPad because I get too distracted at my desk on my PC with two enormous screens making it so easy to do other stuff instead of write while telling myself I’m doing other stuff at the same time as writing.

As you can see!!! I spend most of my “writing time” just trying to make myself at all!!!! It’s really daunting to overcome the fear of writing something bad and big parts of me would rather not write at all than endure the pain of failing at creating what I want to create so thanks Perfectionism!!!

I also have a really, really bad habit of editing while I write. I won’t say I’m the world’s worst editing-while-writing writer but I’m definitely top 100. (Bottom 100?) It’s a huge reason why I have those 1-3 year gaps between start and finish and why my first drafts come out so choppy. My inner editor has me rewriting before I’ve even finished writing and redirecting and it’s so disheartening I can only do it in fits and starts and you can clearly tell the places where I took a two month break before coming back to a fic.

But I’m working on this!!! Like I said, I try to go out and write as much as possible because the desire to be at home without pants on often overpowers my fear of Being Bad and makes it so much easier to give myself permission to write badly. That is the goal. Write Badly. I’m working on it and I’m making progress but I have a long way to go still. For now I have to rely heavily on supports like controlling my environment but one day I will be able to write absolute drivel on demand!! The dream!!!

And now, for your entertainment and to celebrate the fact that I am now somehow able to do this at all, I give you the first draft of the forsythias chapter from fill my lungs with sweetness, including the masterful original title:

??oil?????

Doc slips his hand from the inside of his jacket as he rounds the corner and walks straight into the steel-melting heat of Kira’s glare. Or maybe that’s just the extra sun. Hard to tell on Tatooine.

“Done shopping, Your Highness?” She asks, rolling her eyes at him before she’s even finished asking the question. “Think we can fit saving some lives into your busy schedule?”

Doc just laughs, patting the little bulge in his breast pocket. “People expect a dashing hero when they’re being saved, Junior. I’d hate to disappoint.”

“No one cares how waxy your mustache is when they’re bleeding out,” Kira says. “Ugh. Let’s just go.”

Vii is waiting for them by the speeder, having an improbably good-natured chat with a Gamorrean at least three times her size. They seem to be actually smiling at her, which is something he knows from medical school is technically possible but never expected to see. Kira’s inching her fingers toward her laser sword, always ready to leap headlong to the worst possible conclusion, but Doc waves her off.

He congratulates himself that, despite the withering look she gives him, Kira lets her hand fall. She trusts him at least as far as Vii’s well-being is concerned.

(He isn’t sure how he feels about how everyone seems to know just how deep his interest in her well-being goes.)

“Making friends?” He calls out, keeping his walk casual and slow and his hands clearly visible and clearly far from the blaster at his hip. The Gamorrean’s smile fades at his approach, replaced with the kind of slow-moving suspicion Doc is more used to seeing there.

Vii, however, does not stop smiling. Instead, she turns that smile on him. Brighter and more blinding than both of the suns combined.

“Gorzzak was just telling me about some problem spots in the canyons,” she says, her voice as light and tinkling and utterly sincere as ever. “Nice of them, isn’t it?”

And the thing that he still can’t believe, no matter how many times he sees it, is that it really is nice. Because he’s sure that Gorzzak really did point out all the spots he would normally use to lure unsuspecting travellers into ambushes. He’s sure that Gorzzak, even with only three neurons to rub together, has been absolutely dazzled by the obvious shine of Vii’s heart, just like everyone is.

Doc swallows, his throat starting to feel unbearably thick. Probably from all the sand.

“Very nice,” he agrees. “But I’ve got something even better.”

“How is your mustache wax a gift for—“ Kira stops as she catches sight of his eager grin, her face screwing up in an expression he’s starting to think she saves just for him. “Disgusting,” she mutters, her voice low enough that Vii won’t hear. It isn’t the best-kept secret, but Kira, for all her faults, loves Vii too much to shatter her illusion of secrecy like that. Not even to make a dig at Doc.

Vii watches as he reaches into his breast pocket, her expression openly anticipating the surprise, her glowing eye wide and perfectly prepared to be delighted with him. It’s such a refreshing change of pace, how eager she is to be happy with him. To like him. She never makes him work for it and honestly he doesn’t always know what to do with that.

But right now he does.

He produces the little flask of oil with a flourish and his signature self-satisfied grin. Kira would call it his sleazy smirk, but how can he be expected to think of Junior when he’s got Vii in front of him, beaming like this wretched planet’s third sun.

Doc doesn’t entirely understand everything that happens to him when she radiates like this. When she unleashes the full force of her joy on him and he feels thoroughly cooked from the inside out.

“It’s the good stuff,” he explains. “Imported from Corellia. I’ve only been once, but I remember everything was coated in a fine layer of oil so they probably know a thing or two about making it. Anyway, I know how the joints can lock up with all this sand around. Thought you could use some… lubrication.”

This last point is made for Kira’s benefit, and her revolted snort does not disappoint him.

“The doctor is on call, Gorgeous. Anytime you need oiled up, my hands are ready.”

[mcrmadness]

I’ve been thinking again, as what you can expect from someone with an (undiagnosed) ADHD and who is an overthinker. But what I realized already some time ago and realize over and over again is that my biggst motivator with things? Other people. It’s other people. The second biggest is my own needs.

I have problems keeping my home organized and in order. And why? I never have anyone to come over so there’s no point for cleaning. I only clean for a need which is why I do the dishes and stuff like that - I need clean plates and utensils for eating, and I need to throw away trash (eventually) because I need fresh and mould-free air in my apartment. But having a little bit of dust and shit on the floors does not bother me, they start bothering me when I need to clean my feet before putting on socks, that’s when I notice I need to vacuum here. And still I mainly do that when I notice here so much dust it becomes a fire hazard near things like extension cords, or when I see something that I need to take care of because this is a rental apartment aka it is owned by someone else. So the motivator is again other people - I need to clean because I do not own this apartment.

I’m often wondering why did I never have trouble with focus at work and it’s: I really loved my job because of how diverse it was, there was routines but every day was slightly different so I never got bored. And I was doing things for the animals and for other people (I was a horse groom!), and maybe a little bit for the compliments and the feeling of being good at what I could do the best (organizing things!!! And remembering things and noticing differences easily!) of us all, so it was really really rewarding for me to do all those things.

***

There’s also other things where other people, or actually the sharing of an experience is the key motivator for me: arts, creativity, appearance... 

I have always loved drawing, especially comics, but the second I don’t have friends who draw, I will stop drawing too. But when I have artistic friends who show me their art, I just really really want to show them art too which means I have to first CREATE that art so I get super motivated for drawing because it means I will create something I can show to people and share!

Appearance: I don’t really care much about how I look like but when I interact with people more, I satrt to do that too. It’s a bit same as with iniviting people over - when I don’t have friends to meet, I just don’t really care about the ways I dress up or how the clothes look on me which was the reason for why I used way too big and baggy clothes for years, until I made a new friend (now ex-friend) and sending photos about life made me wake up and I started to buy clothes that were closer to my own size, and doing things like wearing the bracelets and nail polish for the first time in ages. When I do that when I’m alone, I always imagine being seen by a friend and it makes me feel so motivated for keeping painting my nails and whatnot.

Music and bands: sometimes I get obsessed with a favorite band of mine just because I am talking about it to someone and the feels of sharing make me so hyped I start to hyperfixate on the band(s) too.

So that’s some of it, but really, getting to share things like art is soooo important for me. Which is why being an artist on Tumblr often gets on my nerves so much, at worst it can trigger an RSD episode, and the (partly traumatic memories and) feels of always being the weirdo no one's ever understood nor is ever gonna understand. That’s why I still have unposted art in my drafts. I’m happier when I don’t know what people think of them, than when I post and see everyone ignoring them.

***

More about the house cleaning part under the cut because I could not stop writing:

But seriously, I feel that I would be able to clean up and keep my home origanized better if I had friends who would visit me. Now it’s only family members who visit here just once in a while, and just for a moment. Before I was trying so hard to clean and then I realized that... why do I try so hard to pretend I live neatily when I obviously don’t? Why do we clean so that the home looks so organized and clean for other people when the rest of the time it’s far from that (unless you’re obsessed with cleaning or just like doing that and get a mood boost from it, which I do not get). So I kinda just decided that I will stop faking for myself and I will do only what I find needs to be done, and don’t try to do things I don’t like anyway and don’t waste my energy on stressing about organizing that I will never be able to keep like that for longer than 2 days. (E.g. I notice I build nests around my home and it’s because it brings me comfort to be surrounded by objects, minimalistic and too clean home makes me anxious, I like having a ring of objects around me where I hang out in my flat, it’s like building a fortress, or a wall to keep me safe from I don’t even know what.)

I think that’s the biggest thing about this topic. I have often been wondering if I’m just depressed but in a different way than before but I’m not feeling sad or bad, mostly just neutral? I have had depression and this doesn’t feel like it but I also know that usually depression doesn’t feel like anything until you no longer are depressed... But still I think if I lived somewhere where I had friends, or if friends lived in my town, I would maybe be more efficient what comes to cleaning. Because now I’m doing that only for myself (or for my landlord who hasn’t even been to this flat in years) and there’s no bigger point in that because I can live in my apartment even if it looks like it was turned upside down, it doesn’t bother nor distract me much.

[gloomy-goober]

Glam Up a Rainy Day

In which a young Creativity and a young Anxiety bond during a rainy day in Thomas’ mind. 

@holdnarrytight @justanotherpurplebutterfly @twinkly-lights @here-to-vent @that-space-gay-writes

Anxiety sat by the window in the main hub. The youngest side had his hood pulled up over his head and his hand pulled into the over sized sleeves. Outside the little home light grey clouds hovered over the sky and let rain drops go and hit the ground. 

It was not caused by any terribly bad day that Thomas was experiencing, if it was Roman would be outside trying to fight it off. No, it was merely a normal occurrence of bad emotions appearing that any young teenager gets. Seventh grade was not an easy ride after all and neither is puberty.

The other sides seemed to be effected by this rainfall in Thomas’ subconscious. 

Heart, usually happy and bouncing, had lost his step and went to take a nap when the light rainfall briefly became a downpour. Logic went with the usually peppy side to make sure that Patton was not alone. Creativity had been going in and out of his room like a nervous squirrel. 

Virgil seemed to like the rain more then the others. It symbolized Thomas letting out some of his pent up emotions that made the anxious side’s job hard. He had a small desire to just go out and lay outside. Let the water seep into his hoodie, but he also did not want to risk a cold or Patton’s worry about him disappearing out into what was normally Roman’s domain. 

This did not stop him from cracking the window open slightly so he could listen to the rain and smell the calming scent. He liked listening to the other sides talk but this rare moment when the hub was empty made him realize he slightly missed his alone time in the basement. 

The boy let out a sigh and rested his head on the glass. The pitter patter of the rain lulling him into a blanket of security. He had probably would have sat like that all day if it was not for the afternoon interruption of Roman “Creativity” Sanders. 

The side did not seem to notice the newest addition over by the window as he dropped his stuff onto the hub’s coffee table. The usually green clad side had seemed to have taken a costume change in the direction of a disney character onesie. Virgil could not tell if it was Chip or Dale but he honestly expected a princess or Mickey Mouse. Maybe Pansy was feeling off today. 

The silent side shifted his watchful gaze from the window to the new interesting thing in the room. 

He watched as Creativity turned on the T.V. and stuck in a movie. From the sound of it the movie was Peter Pan. The Disney obsessed side did not look at the screen as he started to set up the things he had brought out. 

The young side dug around in the box he had brought out. Taking things out to put them back in after he set up a bunch of small glass bottles. Each one was a different color and Virgil slowly realized that they were all different kinds of nail polish. He pulled out cotton balls, nail clippers, a nail file, and a bottle that read ‘nail polish remover’ before the side closed the box and set it on the floor. 

A burning question burned in the back of Anxiety’s mind as he watched Roman look over the different colors before he grabbed a red colored bottle and began to shake it. 

What is Roman doing? Does he know I am here?  Would he be mad that I am here? 

Anxiety hugged his knees to his chest. His eyes were locked on Roman even though his thoughts were elsewhere. 

He probably would be mad. He hates me because... I’m too quiet.  Not outgoing. Stupid. A nuisance.  An unwanted addition. 

Just a terrible side for someone to have. I don’t do anything productive. I should just leave before I ruin his time out in the hub. He was here before you technically. 

“I know I am handsome but there is no reason to stare.”

The statement made Anxiety jump out of the darkest part of his mind and brought him back to reality. Creativity had stopped shaking the bottle and was looking over at the other with an unreadable expression. 

Virgil’s face burned with embarrassment. The dang habit of staring off into space was one he had not been aware of until he joined their world upstairs. He looked away and made sure that his hood casted a dark shadow over his pale face. 

“Sorry. Just...wanted to...” he began to say but let it trail off into mumbles. He still was not the best at expressing his thoughts verbally, it was something Patton was working with him on. “I’m sorry...I’ll go.” 

Virgil slipped from the window sill quickly and hunched his shoulders. He barely made it two steps away from the window before Roman’s words froze him in place. 

“Now hold on a second, Anxiety. Come over here.” 

He is going to yell at you for staring. Tell you how you were being really weird.

Anxiety sucked in a shaky breath and curled into himself more. He wanted so badly to run away back to his basement but that would only make Creativity even angrier. Roman was not known for his easy temper. 

The nervous side took in a deeper breath and forced his feet over to the couch. The boy sat as far as he could from Roman without letting on that he was scared. It was a skill he was learning was pretty hard; to put on an act of uncaring. 

“What?” His voice squeaked a little and he was going to pretend it was Thomas’ physical changes not his nerves. 

Roman held out his hands with the palms facing up. He did not say anything; just waited for Anxiety to get the idea. 

Virgil looked at him confused from under the shadow of his hood. 

Is this some kind of trick? What does he want?

Roman raised an eyebrow at him and looked down at his hand then back up at Virgil expectantly. This happened a couple of times before Anxiety finally understood what the older side wanted. 

Hesitantly, Virgil brought his hands out of his pocket and put them in Creativity’s outstretched ones. He held back a gasp at the feeling. 

Roman’s hands were weirdly soft and warm, not unlike Patton’s but there was more of a noticeable trace of growling callouses. This is not what made Anxiety sit up straighter. Creativity was also Thomas’ self confidence, positvity, and dreams. He was the opposite of Anxiety’s role as the caution, self-hatred, and pessimist. 

The warm, positive energy that Roman was leaking fought against the dark that plagued Virgil. The youngest side wanted to pull away and lean towards it all at the same time. Whatever Roman’s plan was with the holding hands, Virgil was not going to complain. It felt oddly nice for the thoughts to be completely quiet.

Creativity had locked his fingers around the other’s hands as soon as they had touched his palms. The grip was gentle yet firm as he got right to work. He pulled them up close to his eyes and observed them with a quiet noise that sounded like a tisk. 

“Bitten almost down to the bone,” Roman muttered, “But not completely irreparable.” 

Virgil wished he could do some other expression besides confusion when around Creativity but it seemed this side could only spur that emotion. 

Just as quickly as Roman had latched onto the hands he let them drop back to Anxiety’s lap. The warm positive feeling disappeared with the loss of the touch and Virgil had to do his best to not let the disappointment show. The boy just pushed them back into his hoodie’s pockets and watched as the older side looked over the items on the table. 

“Well, I am not specialist but I think today is your lucky day,” Roman said after a moment and held out a hand expectantly.

“What?” Anxiety got out, finally voicing how lost he was. 

Creativity rolled his eyes and pulled one of Anxiety’s hands from the cover of the pocket. The same warm feeling passed over Virgil but he kept his mouth shut about it. His eyes locked onto the nail clippers that Roman held in the hand that was not holding his own. 

“I am going to fix this nail biting problem. It is simply a terribly thing to do to your nails,” Roman said and began to work at clipping down the ragged ends of the youngest’s finger nails. “You are so lucky that it was me you came to for this.”

“I didn’t...you called me over?” 

Roman ignored the quiet supply of the true information. “I doubt Logan or Patton could fix them in this stage of terribleness.” 

He clipped the last nail and looked them over with an approving gaze. The fanciful side set down the clippers and grabbed the nail file; working with experience that Anxiety could not help but wonder where the other got it. 

“Choose a color.”

“Huh?” 

Roman blew over the other’s hand to get the dust off and nodded his head to the table that was still strewn with different colored bottles. There were pinks, blues, red, greens, and even glitters. It was a little overwhelming for the quiet side. 

“I don’t really have greys or blacks or whatever you emos like,” Roman set down the hand he was working on and grabbed Virgil’s other hand. The anxious side not even reacting to the flood of positivity this time. “But I am sure that you can find something dark enough to appease your little gremlin soul.”

“Do I need to choose a color?” Anxiety whispered. The flood of positive emotions spurred him on a little. 

The question made Creativity pause. The boy mid-clip of a terribly torn up thumb nail as he seemed to mull the question over in his mind. 

“No?” he said the word slowly and unsure before he seemed to find a train of thought that appeased him. “But the polish will hopefully help in stopping this bad habit. You would not want to bite this stuff off your nails; trust me.” 

He’s...trying to help me?  Why?

Virgil bit back the question with a bite to the lip and looked over the different colors again. The free hand almost went and grabbed a sliver bottle before he spotted a color that was set near the blues. It was out of his range of motion with Roman filing down his nails so he had to point over to it. 

“Can...can I have that one?” 

Roman blew off the dust and looked over in the direction the darker clad side pointed. An honest shocked expression passed over the young side’s face as he let go of Anxiety’s hand. 

“Royal Purple?” 

Virgil nodded. The more he looked at the color the more he liked it. It was weirdly bold while also having a calming effect. 

“Well,” Roman paused and took a glance at Anxiety’s eager face before the pre-teen gave a dramatic sigh. “Fine. I was going to paint my nails red today anyway.” 

The creative side grabbed the bottle and set it down close to the two of them before he grabbed a clear bottle. The began to shake it. 

“We need to put a base coat on first. It helps the polish stay longer,” he explained when he caught the shadowed expression on Anxiety’s face. 

The next few moments were filled with Peter fighting hook on the T.V. screen as Princey carefully dusted off the last of the dust with a rag and then began to paint Virgil’s nails with a clear coat. Neither of them said a word to each other but Anxiety had to admire how the simple clear polish made his usual disarray nails look better. 

“Wave your hands around,” Roman commanded as he put the bottle up. “We want that dry before I put on the purple.” 

Anxiety felt ridiculous doing it but he was not going to question Creativity. He waved his hands around to dry the polish and while he did Roman began to clip his own, much nicer, nails. 

Roman set the down the clippers when he was done and gently placed a hand on Anxiety’s wrists to get him to stop. He held one of the wrists in a gentle grip and grabbed the purple polish.

“Alright, be super still for me. I don’t want to get it on your skin. I don’t like to clean edges.” 

“Okay.” 

Virgil was as still as a statue despite his nerves. The young side stared down at the other as he worked. Every time a clear coated nail turned into the vibrant purple he felt a small spark of excitement go through him. 

Roman did not even have to tell him to wave his hands when he finished the last nail. The quiet side going to the action without question. Virgil did not even move to pull his hood back over his head when it slipped down. He did not want to mess up Creativity’s work. The flamboyant side grabbed the nail file to work on his own hands while they waited. 

When the color was done drying Roman put another clear coat over the nails. It seemed to take the purple and turn it into jewels in Anxiety’s eyes. 

“And there, when that dries you will be all done. Course you could do a pedicure but I refuse to do feet,” Roman said as he set the bottle down. 

Virgil stared down at his painted nails with wide eyes. Sure the skin around the nails still had the obvious signs of dry skin and his cuticles were not the best in the world but they looked amazing. Roman had done an amazing job with the limited experience. 

Roman and Virgil were shocked when the youngest side suddenly lept forward and hugged the other. The two frozen with Anxiety latched onto Roman in a hug. 

“Thank you.” 

Creativity was not given an option to respond. Just as quickly as the other had shown affection he let go and hurried out of the main hub. The basement door closing before the other side could blink. 

It was nerves that drove Anxiety into hiding but they were not the standard nerves the young side was used to. They were the kind of nerves that made someone want to giggle, jump, spin around in a circle, or just all over be happy. The positive energy that Creativity had unknowingly leaked still running through him as he made his way down into his room in a careful way to not mess up his hands. 

Upstairs, Roman did as he said he was going to do. He painted his nails red; bright rubies that would stand out against his usual green outfit if he decided to change back into it.  The movie he had put on covering up the fact that the rain that had been falling outside in Thomas’ subconscious had stopped. 

[thisislizheather]

July Jiffs 2019

So technically the end of August is the appropriate time to start any and all Halloween/autumn talk (I think I made up that rule, but it feels right), so I’ll respect that and wait. Just know that I’m inwardly filling up with joy in anticipation of the best time of the year. Here’s what went down this month!

I made a list of some of my favourite summer vacation-y movies that I like to watch to pass the ungodly slow summer hours.

I read and reviewed the book Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed (the woman who wrote Wild).

We had a small party for July 4th and it was the best. Here’s what I made and loved: Panzanella Salad with Fresh Mozzarella (I used the How Sweet Eats recipe, but added mozzarella and omitted the corn and avocado - I also made the croutons the Ree Drummond way, because that’s the tastiest way), Spinach Bacon & Artichoke Stuffed Mushrooms (because they’re so delicious I want to scream), I used bell peppers as the bowls for holding the ranch for the vegetables, Slow Cooker Ribs, Eggplant Lasagna (I can’t remember the recipe I used, but it was pretty basic), Peanut Butter & Nutella Cheesecake Bars (this was the second time I’ve made these and it’s a perfect dessert to make a night or two before so that it can really set up), Blueberry Lemon Bread, and a charcuterie board (which is like assembling food art & I love it).

My favourite fruit/vegetable season is the end of summer mainly because of the fresh tomatoes and corn, so I can’t wait to try some of these corn dishes available in NYC right now. Although I don’t know how any of them are going to compete with the corn gnocchi at Park Avenue Summer. (I just looked and there’s also a sweet corn agnolotti with black summer truffles on the menu now too, so things just got interesting.)

Jenn sent me a link to this lovely poem Perhaps the World Ends Here by Joy Harjo that I just love.

I watched the AOC documentary Knock Down The House on Netflix and it’s so, so good. Cried at the ending.

I went on Nathan’s podcast to talk about dogs, cheating and movies.

I went for lunch at the cafe at Lilia in Brooklyn and it was ONLY AVERAGE. So that was disappointing. Maybe I ordered badly? I got the prosciutto, parmigiano butter, balsamic mustard sandwich - and even though it looks great (love whole grain mustard), it was really just too bready and not very flavourful.

Above Photo: Prosciutto, parmigiano butter, balsamic mustard sandwich at Lilia Cafe, Brooklyn

I saw Midsommar (by the same guy who did Hereditary last year) and I really liked it. Some parts are just unnecessarily graphic (and the slow motion shots of this stuff are insane to watch), but the plot was great. Love an original movie.

Watched the entirety of Champions on Netflix and it really bums me out that it got cancelled, it was a really fun show.

Made this chocolate chunk coconut banana bread and it was goooooood.

I visited the new TWA Hotel at JFK and wrote about it over here.

So excited to hear that there will be three more seasons of Big Mouth!

I also rewatched Dante’s Peak (still a great movie) and Twister (again, it holds up). I think I was in a natural disaster kinda mood that week.

Do you remember experiencing or hearing about the ride Kongfrontation at Universal Studios in Florida? I’ve only ever heard of it, but it seems like it was probably the best ride that ever existed at that park. I hate how most ride these days are just 3D screens with no real interaction or animatronics, it’s bullshit.

Fucking obsessed with this strawberry lemonade kombucha that’s apparently only available at Trader Joe’s. I thought their gingerade was the best flavour, but now I have to reassess everything. (Also tried the “watermelon wonder” but it’s pure trash.)

Some songs that I can’t stop listening to: You Need To Calm Down by Taylor Swift, Blow Your Mind by Dua Lipa, Everybody by Elliphant feat. Azealia Banks, Boys by Lizzo, Let Me Go by Hailee Steinfeld & Alesso feat. Florida Georgia Line & watt, Doin’ Time by Lana Del Ray, We Were Young by Petit Biscuit feat. JP Cooper, Calma (Remix) by Pedro Capo & Farruko

Apparently I can’t get enough of Bill Hader.

I refuse to shut up about how great the (square bottle) nail polishes are at Urban Outfitters. They’ve been consistently great for years. I’ve been wearing their neon pink Hot Tub off and on for at least five years, and they keep putting out wicked new colours. There’s almost always a 3 for $10 deal and recently I got Coffee Creamer, Sun Bunny & Optic White and they’re BEAUTIFUL.

It’s currently Restaurant Week again (it’s on until August 16th), so of course I went back to The Dutch for their beautiful wagyu steak tartare. I also had the corn cappelletti with chanterelle mushrooms and marjoram that was heavenly.

Above Photo: Wagyu steak tartare, The Dutch, NYC

Above Photo: Corn cappelletti, The Dutch, NYC

I saw The Farewell and it’s everything I wanted it to be and more! Definitely go see it. It also reminded me of this beautiful song that I had to sing for a competition once years ago, Caro Mio Ben.

There’s a deal with ClassPass where you can use the service for free for two weeks, so I tried it and it’s not that great. It’s just too expensive to justify having it when I already have a monthly gym membership somewhere else. I did try an aqua cycling class through Aqua Studio during the free trial and it was… only okay. I mean, it’s fun and great to be in the salt water, but it wasn’t all that challenging as a workout.

I wasn’t planning on buying it, but I tried it, loved it, so had to buy it: Glossier’s Brow Flick. I’m still learning how to use it properly, but so far I’m really into it. It inspired this eyebrow products video that I posted last week.

I saw Toy Story 4 and I really hope this is the final one they make because the ending was so good. That’s all I’ll say. Quality series of movies, right here.

Some friends of mine recently opened up a small, late night food place called Foodstruck in Astoria and the food is really good. They’ve just opened, so they’re still figuring out their hours but I think they’re catering to the late night crowd, especially servers/bartenders who get off work late. Check out some of the food specials from this past week.

Above Photo: Burger with gruyere, onion marmalade, sun dried tomatoes & a rosemary garlic butter on a potato bun

Above Photo: Fried boneless chicken thighs with a garlic soy tamarind glaze

Above Photo: Fried chicken sandwich with a spicy mayo, cheese sauce & pickles on a potato bun

My too-kind friend Irene got us a housewarming gift of a Diptyque candle (in eucalyptus) and somehow it’s still going after three months of daily use, which is incredible. Do not look up how expensive this candle is.

I watched To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before on Netflix and really liked it! Especially the hot tub scene. But let’s not get into it. I double-checked to make sure they’re both over 21 and they are, so all’s good.

Made this pappardelle pasta with mushroom ragu when Nathan was out of town (I like to get my mushroom recipes in when he’s gone) and it’s definitely going on my favourite-dinner-recipes list.

I ate at Misi in Brooklyn because I’ve wanted to go for ages and the pasta was solid as hell, I’d definitely go back. We had the charred peppers, marjoram, and whipped ricotta crostini, the corzetti with marinated sungold (peeled) tomatoes, garlic, pecorino & summer herbs (have you ever eaten a PEELED tomato? It almost feels wrong. The good kind of wrong), the strangozzi with pork sugo, nutmeg and parmigiana and for dessert we had the strawberries and cream gelato (it was a special that night) and the espresso gelato. Everything was so crazy good. The service was fantastic and the space is huge. Is it better than Lilia or L'Artusi (pasta-wise)? Ugh, that's such a hard question. It's really good. I'll have to revisit to get more intel to make a final decision on that.

I went to Coney Island with Irene and it was great, as it always should be.

I visited the Profundo Day Club (mainly to get my ass in a pool) earlier this month, and I highly doubt that I’ll return. Mostly because even though the pool was nice (small, but nice) and refreshing, the blaring house music in the middle of the day was a little excessive. There’s also a disco ball above the pool itself. And a unicorn floatie that drifts around the water. And waitresses who shoot sparklers off when someone buys a bottle of liquor. It’s… not for me, let’s say. And the cheapest pass was $70 (tax included), which is waaaay too expensive for Queens. Let’s be real.

There’s a new season of Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee and the Martin Short episode is just lovely. It almost killed me when he was talking about when he bought his house and said, “We bought it in 1986” even though his wife passed away years ago. Am I being ridiculous in thinking that him using the word “we” is so sad and sweet and nice? Or maybe that’s a normal thing to say and I’d melt at anything to come out of his mouth. And while it was a good episode, I got so fucking sick of all the filler shots of coffee being brewed, coffee being poured into a cup, beans being tossed in a can, flowers sitting in vases - for fuck sake JUST TALK TO MARTIN SHORT AND SHOW ME THAT. Annoying as hell.

Nathan and I started watching season three of Stranger Things and… it’s not good? We saw all of the first season, which was pretty good. Attempted season two and never finished it because it became boring. And last week, we watched the first couple episodes of season three and I think we’ve silently agreed on just stopping it altogether. And look, I’m happy other people like it, but it’s just not for me. Demogorgons are too close to being dragons, maybe that’s why I can’t care about them?

I like to go to at least one baseball game each season, so I went to a Mets game last weekend and got this beauty that was the giveaway (below) since it was the 50th anniversary of the moon landing.

Honestly, this bobblehead makes me so happy for some reason. I love going to Citi Field especially ‘cause the food is always so good. We got the filet mignon steak sandwich from the aptly named Pat LaFrieda’s Original Filet Mignon Steak Sandwich, incredible fries from Box Frites, souvenir cups & drinks from Effen Vodka Bar, mozzarella sticks from Big Mozz, and chips & queso with ginger lime margaritas from Cantina.

Above Photo: Pat LaFrieda’s filet mignon steak sandwich, Citi Field

Above Photo: Fries with parmesan ranch and cheese sauce from Box Frites, Citi Field

Two new things that I’m going to start doing:

1. Buying less things off of Amazon. If there’s an alternative, independently run company that I can find the item at (and if the price isn’t wildly more expensive) then I’ll shop there instead. Every new thing I hear about Amazon makes me shudder, and I hate that it’s become my default place for me to buy anything.

2. If a store/restaurant is cashless (ie. credit cards only), then I’ll refuse to shop there. It’s insane that this isn’t illegal everywhere yet. I’m so sick of it and cash should be accepted everywhere, it’s nuts that I even need to say that. (I was excited to have lunch at Ole & Steen in Union Square for lunch the other day, but they’re “cashfree” so fuck them!)

Some things that I’m looking forward to doing this month: I’ve already sent in my email requesting tickets for Saturday Night Live (you can only request tickets during the entire month of August), I can’t wait to see Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark with Layla, there’s a tomato gelato that I want to try that sounds either awful or life-affirming, going on our anniversary trip at the end of the month, excited for a Canyon Creek caesar salad with Harmeet, planning on going to the CNE with my mom (haven’t done this in years), going to two weddings (!!) and I love weddings, being in a pool with Marla and a bunch of our kids, and taking advantage of a few more Restaurant Week specials. Excited for the last month of trash weather!

[gothify1]

If I had to take a wild guess, I'd say I'm not the only fashion fan among us who would rather purchase a pair of fun statement shoes than another white T-shirt or pair of black pants. But many pairs of statement shoes and white T-shirts later, I've realized that even if I paid an arm and a leg for that special piece that no one else will have, it's the less-than-exciting wardrobe basics that have become my most loved pieces. Now, that said, I'm not saying by any means that Gucci loafers or Reformation jeans, for example, are boring. But in general, black loafers and jeans are everyday necessities (in my opinion) as opposed to luxuries (e.g., that lavender fur–trimmed coat that I probably won't feel quite as passionate about next season). So, why am I sharing all of this with you? Over the past several years, I've come across a number of pieces that may not have been my most thrilling purchases, but I don't know how I could have lived without them. I can now say with confidence that you should be very excited to buy them, because you'll probably wear them all the time, too. Keep scrolling to find out why these 18 basics are so very special. The latest It sneakers these are not, but unlike all of my other sneakers, I wear these multiple times a week. They're crazy-comfortable and lightweight, and they magically make black leggings look even more flattering.  Available in sizes 5 to 12. This is my holy-grail white T-shirt. It's slouchy without being sloppy, and it's perfectly cropped. Additionally, even when it's brand-new, it's so soft that it feels like you've been wearing it for years. Available in sizes XS to L. I'm obsessed with Reformation jeans, and this is the very first pair that I purchased. It's got the perfect cropped flare, and I'm not surprised in the least that the style keeps selling out. Available in sizes 23 to 31. Gucci is far from boring, but as far as the brand goes, these loafers are as basic as it gets. And since I invested in them, I've worn them more than any other pair of shoes I own. They're hands down the most comfortable shoes in my closet. Available in sizes 34 to 42. I don't consider myself much of an overalls person, but these Madewell ones are the exception. These plus a T-shirt and sneakers or sandals are one of my essential spring uniforms. Available in sizes XXS to XXL. This was my first piece from our collection at Target, and I've yet to find a more flattering pair of black pants—so I stopped looking. Available in sizes 2 to 26W. I love crazy sunglasses, but I'll never part with my round Ray-Bans. They're timeless yet cool, and I find myself mindlessly reaching for them more than any other pair in my collection.  I confess to having more denim jackets than one person needs in my closet, but this one is my favorite by far. The slightly oversize fit is perfection, and the jacket works for every season of the year (as a third piece during the warmer months and as a layering piece during the colder ones).  Available in sizes XS to L. Since I live in the South, shorts are a necessity. And unlike my stack of cutoff denim shorts, these are polished enough to wear out at night (especially if a pair of mules and a blazer are involved). Available in sizes 00 to 12. This has been my go-to bra for years. It's pretty yet functional. I try to force myself to expand my undergarment horizons, but if it ain't broke, don't fix it, right? Available in sizes 30A to 38B. I recently snagged these heels on sale and am so glad I sprung for them. I've found them to be the perfect shoes to transition between seasons, and they're just as suitable for a fancy dinner out as they are for the office. Available in sizes 36 to 41. The exact A.P.C. striped tee that I own is sold out, but this one is a very similar vibe. These French-made tees are made of heavyweight knit, and they look so cool tucked into a pair of high-waisted jeans. I feel like a true Parisian when wearing mine. Available in sizes XS to XL. I recently realized that I didn't own a basic black belt, and this is the one I decided upon. It's under $50, could pass as vintage, and goes with everything. Oh, and you can even get it monogrammed. Available in sizes XS to L. Black coats are not the most fun, but this Ganni one vaguely resembles a teddy bear, which is always a good thing in my book. It's also super cozy, and I get tons of compliments on it. Available in sizes 34 to 40. I quickly realized I had discovered the perfect carry-on duffle after using this bag for the first time. I bring it on every trip, it's proven to be durable and lightweight, and it holds a ton of stuff. I've tried plenty of black leggings in my day, and while many come close, these are my favorites, which is proven by the fact that I wear them on a weekly basis. They come in 11 shades, and I want them all to be mine.  I added this to my growing collection of winter accessories this season, and I'm not sure how I survived the cold without it. It's so warm and versatile. Everlane cashmere sweaters are affordable enough to stock up on. And despite being rather thin, they're surprisingly warm. Consider this another thing I'd like to own in every color.  The moral of this story? There's a good chance that your least exciting purchases will end up being your most worn ones, so don't let the boring factor keep you from making smart purchases. This post was originally published at an earlier date and has since been updated. Up next, the rare designer bag that's flying off the shelves .

[podcastmecaptain]

the stim bin

part of advanced PLACEMENT: an ars PARADOXICA high school au about a gang of queer teen nerds, by @estherroberts​ , @podcastmecaptain , and @lizzieraindrops

all three of the aformentioned dorks are equally responsible for the hijinks found in this post. today as well all three aforementioned dorks are neurodivergent folks writing about neurodivergent folks.

click here for the au masterpost | track #ars placement for updates!

ALSO: things aren’t always showing up in the tags, so your most reliable bet is the aforementioned masterpost.

attention: all contents incredibly neurodivergent

everyone shares those fidget cubes

collectively they have like five

in so many colors

esther also designs a giant version that’s like. the size of a KEYBOARD and with lots more options and Bigger

jack builds it

they call it the stimboard deluxe

anthony has nintendo

sally brings him all her childhood games and watches him hyperfocus

sally and anthony were the first autistic friend each other had and they love sharing weird stuff from their childhoods that nobody else liked

they have a lot of overlap of interests and they spent so long without anyone like them who really got them

and they both feel so safe and loved not only with each other but with the whole gang because everyone’s neurodiv af even if they’re not sure in exactly what way

anthony brings notes everywhere

scribble scribble

Doing The Right Thing, Doing Science For Good is sort of his ruling philosophy

a lot of times it’s really easy to lead him down the wrong path if he thinks it’s Science For Good

he has some problems with gullibility

the pressure stimming is too real

PRESSURE! STIM! HUGS!

Big Coats or Lab Coats

fiddling with his glasses

he’s bad at artistic/creative things and just doesn’t get it. he can follow a pattern tho,

polish patterns work for him, especially with tape. he likes taking care of his nails because he’s v tactile, he likes the smooth feeling of the polish and likes tapping his nails

he either gets really anxious or angry about Bad things

breakdowns, breaking things, and weirdly quick recoveries

he could hug people for hours

he usually does if he’s had a panic attack, but other than that acts like he’s fine

canon says sally eats weird and has a disturbing appetite so like,

sally separating EVERY SINGLE FOOD by group and flavor and texture and then like putting one piece of one in her mouth at a time and keeps TALKING CAUSE SHE’S A DORK

other options:

SHREDS EVERYTHING AND EATS IT WITH A STRAW

eats only EXACTLY one quarter of anything at a time and forgets the rest

uses her hands for THINGS SHE SHOULD NOT

burnt things

she love the Cronch

puts things together that should not even touch

jack cries the day he sees her dip pickles in whipped cream and shove a fistful of blue cheese blissfully into her mouth immediately after that

sally’s special interests:

electronics, gadgets, tinkering, SCIENCE, beginning quantum physics, computers

stims by tinkering and uses voice recordings for vocal stims, plays with her hair and bites her nails, spinning, dancing, tapping tools

hands on everything

the dancing is so bad and uses her full body (it’s actually so cute)

is a bad driver bc she either hyperfocuses on the road or she starts TALKING and gets lost in anything BUT driving

sally wears her lab coat everywhere

she plays with the seams, runs the fabric between her fingers, tugs on the corners of it to create pressure on her shoulders

sometimes she spins in a circle just to let the fabric flap behind her like a cape

tags on clothing are EVIL

she takes them out with a seam ripper till there’s no traces

sallys clothes are always a little large and odd bc if they’re not comfy she Dies

no really she’ll end up in a ball somewhere crying because of sensory grossness

she has serious sensory processing issues

sometimes it’s really a Drag but she loves fiddling with things so much and it feels so good and she wouldn’t give it up for the world

she has a watch that sometimes she’ll make clicking noises along with the tick tick tick tick

lots more under the readmore!

sally is the queen of weighted blankets

she always has one readily accessible in case she needs to wrap up in it

the gang Knows this and they’re always asking her to borrow one

like one time esther texts sally like “help me im having sensory issues and i need hugs”

and sally turns up with not one but TWO heavy blankets

(she may have fallen over once or twice trying to carry both of them)

(just these two lil scurrying feet on skinny legs goin patpatpatpat supporting this huge bundle of extra-weighted bedding floating down the hall)

she wraps esther in them and then squeezes her, too

for good measure, sally gets up on her tippie toes and rests her chin on esther’s head

esther, muffled: “i am a burrito now”

sally: “a precious tiny gay burrito”

or, estherrito

bridget puts her in her phone contacts as ‘ettie burrito’

and sally in turn puts her in hers as ‘questherdilla’

also oh my god when will she Stop doing fingerguns with accompanying tongue clicks

sally talks to herself

she has a little wee tape recorder named Diane because Diane

its covered in stickers

she likes to record what she’s doing to organize herself and calm down

and she’ll replay them to process things

sometimes her friends will leave happy messages on there for her

or helen will sing her a little ditty

helen is the world’s best audio stim

her voice is just really soothing

she’ll sing absently and everyone just operates more smoothly for that minute

she likes singing for herself too

humming and tapping her instrument is a soothing habit

helen is very audio/vocal

she likes to play the same song over and over again

bridget has some issues with self image

she also has obsessive tendencies, sometimes related to organization and labeling things

but also related to literature and only being able to talk about whatever she’s into

sometimes it’s easier to quote things from her favorite books instead of replying in her own words

she doesn’t like things that are uneven or unbalanced

objects OR concepts that are unfair or unequal

(except her hair. her hair is badass and she’s okay with that kind of disunity)

esther’s adhd and her big stims are

high heel clicks on the floor when she walks

fancy & feminine clothes that make her feel secure

the ritual of putting on her makeup

pencils (tapping or twirling)

HER RINGS, she has three and she spins spins spins

she likes to rub the shaved side of bridget’s head

and run her fingers through the hair on the other side

she ALWAYS has her father’s old deck of cards with her, she’s shuffled them so many times they’re completely worn down, and no one is allowed to touch them but her

they’re very soft, she has a new pack as well for crisper sound/feeling and everyday use

sometimes she uses card games as lens to make sense of the world

she has a rough time with communication and a rough time with empathy but she’s trying to work on both of those

both come easier with people she’s close to and bridget is helping her some too

it’s easy for her to hyperfocus in class and doing homework, so it took them a while to diagnose her

out of all of them, esther is the best at reminding people to be organized and do self-care (tho she doesn’t always take care of herself)

she spends a lot of her time in her own head, she really values alone time, and she needs to recharge after she spends time around people

even people she loves

jack’s also adhd, had been diagnosed for a while and has almost all of the opposite symptoms as esther (which is another one of the reasons it took them so long to figure out esther)

jack always works better after he moves, if he runs a little or bounces a ball around or is shaking his legs, rocking on his heels

he makes lots of rolling rrr sounds and blows his lips when he’s frustrated

the pencil chewing ended in splinters and the pen chewing ended in ink all over so now he has a little necklace with a chewable shark

the sharks name is Fredrico

his binder is actually kinda helpful because it’s pressure

he screws and unscrews things a lot

actually taking apart and putting back together all machinery is a Big Thing

june is dyslexic

she has cute tinted glasses to help her with studying

sometimes helen reads stuff out loud for her, she doesn’t mind but june hates to ask

for her birthday quentin bought her a five sided highlighter to color code different things

she has some emotional processing issues

it’s easier to feel angry than anything else

& her methods of dealing with anger aren’t super healthy either

quentin is the only one who actually can manage himself

Quentin is a Hydrated Boy

(he has great skin)

quentin always comes across as super chill but that’s actually because he has hella anxiety and works really hard to manage it

penny is autistic and if june and helen are the dad and mom friends and esther is the gay cousin

then sally and anthony are the autistic aunt and uncle who adopt penny as their niece

they can spot one of their own from a mile off and just decided We Gonna Take Her Under Our Big Fluffy Damn Wings

penny is the Flappiest Autistic

big happy arm flaps, upset little hand flaps, her fast excited flaps are literally the best and most joyous thing

she’s always been kinda embarrassed and insecure about it but jack is so supportive

he’s only a moderate flapper but he often flaps with her when she does it

and he calls her his butterfly

this melts her heart and makes her feel happy and not weird and when this happens she is prone to flapping even harder

she calls him her moth

they’re precious fluttery darlings

sometimes when they both get going, sally joins in too and they all spin around the room fluttering in a big flappy tornado

it’s Good