#(i say as they are literally assholes and probably not the best example of healthy friendships)

[threeopennames]

HP1C1

For the first chapter of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (because I'm American so I have the more EXCITING title because philosophers are clearly terrible) we get a point of view story from the nasty old Uncle's life. We are essentially told that the Dursley's are ugly and unlikable. We're also told a bunch of weirdos in cloaks were running around the streets all day. We're introduced to the totally not a slur word Muggles, and some other associated vaguely supernatural stuff that we're meant to look back on and go 'oh, THAT'S what that was!'

Overall, none of this is bad. From a child's perspective (or maybe just my own childhood memories) you might not retain everything you read and recognize it being reincorporated later. If you do pay attention, you get some tiny little payoffs, and if you don't, you get a payoff when you re-read the story. The author does this a lot throughout, actually, and it's honestly a neat trick that I love seeing every single time. I like being rewarded for paying attention, but also not necessarily left confused if I missed something important. Background fluff that both provides flavor to the text AND alludes to future events lets you double dip in your story, saving on precious word count. I like this.

In addition we get maybe the most normal interpretation of the Dursley's in the whole series (though this might not be true, I'm relying on my memory of the other books here). Vernon, the uncle, is clearly an annoying jerk, but he does his best to try and not upset his wife by bringing up painful family issues. This actually comes up later! Mrs. Dursley, or Petunia, is shown as being very uptight and rude and bears some ill will towards her sister and her sister's family. An adult might expect that to mean there's a reason for it, while a child will probably just think 'oh she's the mean one' and move on. It's a decent bit of setup, and makes us expect a good payoff later. Standard, but cleanly executed stuff.

Not so great are what I can only describe as the baby hating scenes. The son of Vernon and Petunia is Dudley, who is portrayed as a right proper asshole even though he's like, a year old in the story so far. This seems like a weird choice to me. Nobody has any real control over themselves as a baby, you can't hold someone accountable for stuff they did before they even had object permanence. Yet we're being primed here to hate on Dudley, because of things he did as a literal baby. Very strange!

In addition, despite the not very subtle attempts to paint the Dursleys as really awful people, we're shown that Petunia is a devoted and doting mother. Which, is like, a good thing, right? We're shown and mostly told that Vernon loves Petunia, that Petunia loves Vernon, and they both love their son, and even their intense bitter insular nastiness revolves around protecting one another. Like, that's not ideal behavior obviously, but they aren't (yet) irredeemable. Petunia says she had a lovely day, and enjoyed talking with the neighbors, and Vernon hesitates to give her bad news because he cares about his wife's well being. It sounds like a fairly healthy relationship! It's weird to have these warm domestic scenes in between the bitterly cynical ones, because I'm being primed to hate the Dursleys as an example of a horrible family, but also being shown they're still very human and affectionate. It's a weird mix.

Now I spent a bunch of time on the Dursleys, because they obviously dominate the early chapters, but not so much on the two and a half wizards that show up in this chapter. We have Dumbledoor, who shows up to be the lovable slightly crazy Merlin type. We're introduced to McGonagall, the woman, so she's the one who will be crying later. And on the tail end we're introduced to Hagrid, who is effectively one of the two real main characters of the story. Hagrid also cries, to the author's credit.

The actual story isn't very complicated here. We get characterization of the Dursley's, so you can start hating them. The good guy wizards meet up, and drop a baby on their doorstep while also dropping some lore about a bad guy named Voldemort who killed Harry's parents. Sirius Black gets named dropped as the guy who gave Hagrid his motorcycle, Dumbledoor says it's good to scar children, McGonagall says 'yo this family is hella garbo, you sure about this', and since Dumbledoor is an omniscient god he's totally cool with it. We end with probably a very unintentionally funny line about Harry Potter being 'the boy who lived'. Because he's only major positive contribution to the story from here on out is going to be being a warm body. How exciting!

[tenyxshx-a]

➸ @despairforme​:

Nnoitra has a birthday gift for his friend! It's a big, pink hat with fluffy pink feathers on top. He saw it in a Halloween costume shop, and had to get it for Doffy. Oh, and yeah - he stole it. "Happy Birthday, dumbass." He puts the hat on his friend's head.

“Oh damn Nnoi, you always know what to get me!”

Quickly, he reached out to touch the hat and see if it’s put correctly on top of his head. Is it obnoxious? Yes. Probably meant to be worn to some sort of costume party? Definitely. Is he still going to strut around the campus wearing it? Oh absolutely! This was a gift after all, and he would make sure that Nnoitra got it for him and that this was apparently his friend’s style of giving gifts! Okay maybe he wouldn’t go that far, since Nnoitra actually remembered his birthday unlike other people!

“Fufufu, let’s go grab some snacks after school!”

[ceterisparibus116]

I think there's something to be said about how much certain fans villainized Matt throughout the show (especially during S3) in regards to his relationship with Karen... straight up even accuses Matt as "someone who treats women like shit" (esp from ****** shippers) like he was ever the only one who had faults about their relationship not working out when Karen has her fair share of faults too...

Tbh in general the refusal to acknowledge that there are some shortcomings coming from both Karen and Foggy and that it's not just "Matt is a shitty shitty asshole" un-nuanced take. Especially when he has literally shown symptoms of mental illness...

I've been fortunate to not run into too many hostile DD or Punisher fans (perhaps because I joined the fandom a bit late and joined tumblr even later?) but I do definitely see lingering evidences of those takes.

Matt and Karen's issues, in my opinion, could all be worked through if they just communicated better. Both of them need to stop lying; both of them need to learn to assume the best about the other; both of them need to be clearer about their expectations; both of them need to learn to compromise.

And Season 3 showed them going down that path of taking the time to actually speak honestly and listen to the other without pre-judgment! This shows that neither of them should be categorized as "a person who treats their partner badly" because they're both works in progress. They're just two people struggling to figure out a relationship - which is hard enough when you're not also taking down organized crime, dealing with lingering trauma from your past, and oh yeah, dealing with mental illness.

And that actually brings me to one of my biggest frustrations with fandom. And I know people are gonna disagree with me on this, so please, if you (general) are reading this and you feel attacked...I'm not attacking you. I'm just sharing my opinion that certain behavior is problematic.

Put simply, I think it's harmful how often fandom belittles Matt -everything from a vague "I love this character but he's trash" to uncritically saying Matt is a horrible friend, horrible partner, etc. -despite the fact that fandom as a whole is: a) aware of his mental illness, and b) aware of the fact that his most frustrating behavior stems from his mental illness.

And btw, re mental illness: I don't only mean his depression, although obviously that's a Thing. I also mean his collection of dangerous cognitive distortions. (Here's a list of 15 examples if you're interested: https://psychcentral.com/lib/cognitive-distortions-negative-thinking#types.) Yeah, fandom may not know the names of cognitive distortions, but most of us recognize them in him anyway.

And, like, I just don't think it's healthy to refer to mentally ill people as trash, even if they're fictional. The potential harm is that others will internalize that mindset. Maybe they themselves have mental illnesses or similar cognitive distortions that cause them to behave like Matt, and they conclude that they must be trash. Or maybe they know someone who behaves like Matt, and instead of going "Huh, I wonder what leads them to behave that way? I wonder how I can help them?" they go "Geeze this person is a horrible friend/partner." And maybe no one consciously internalizes it like that, but it might still happen unconsciously, and that just decreases the amount of empathy they automatically feel towards the frustrating people in their life. Which, like, if there's one thing the world doesn't need right now, it's less empathy.

And, I mean...what's the benefit? That it's funny? Okay, but there are other ways to be funny? Like, that's just not a valid excuse to me.

(And for the record, I assume that no one is intentionally trying to hurt people with mental illness; I assume most people say stuff like "lol he's trash" without a second thought. I'm just...encouraging people to give it a second thought.)

This probably went beyond the scope of your ask, but when you brought up criticisms of Matt that ignore his mental illness...well, you stumbled over One Of The Things I'm Passionate About, so...whoops.

[ronsenburg]

Hi! I wanted to ask you something about Klapollo. What topic/argument do you think could possibly cause them to break up or take a break from the relationship? I live for the drama and was thinking about maybe writing a fic but like I dont want to make either of them assholes, like Apollo bringing Kristoph up to hurt Klavier, for example. I don't think he would do that but I struggle to come up with something else.

Oh boy, I hope you’re not upset about this, but I wrote you an essay. I’m sorry.

Overall, I really like the klapollo relationship timeline because, compared to, say, narumi/su they have a much more normal, organic story. They meet, flirt, share a mutual trauma, get together! Totally normal! But I also think that they would have a much harder time than narumi/su finding the balance you need in a serious relationship and I can see them calling it quits for perfectly practical reasons that aren’t really anything to do with one being a jerk, you know? Here are my top things that I think they would have to navigate and maybe struggle with before a real happily ever after:

1. Money. You’ve probably seen my post where I talk about Apollo feeling uncomfortable with displays of affluence. I don’t think that this is an easy one to get past. AA6 Spoilers, but Dhurke and Datz literally raised them in hiding on the run in the mountainous jungles of Khura’in. They sent Apollo to the states as a nine year old. We don’t know what he did when he got here, but my money’s always been on the foster system. That doesn’t typically breed a sense of stability, financial or otherwise. 

From my experience (so take it with a grain of salt), children who grow up with very little tend to behave in one of two ways when they reach financial stability and/or achieve wealth: first option, they’re really bad with it. They spend it nearly as fast as they make it on things they didn’t get to have or experience when they were growing up. Second option, they never spend it. They know what it’s like to be without, so they save as much of it as they can so they have the security of knowing, if something happens, they won’t have to go back to the way it was before. I will always put Apollo in the latter category. He works hard for what he has and what he gets and, I think, things that signify extravagance make him uncomfortable. On the other hand, I think that the Gavin’s have always had some sort of wealth. Klavier and Kristoph have very different aesthetics to their spaces that we get to experience (Klavier’s office and Kristoph’s cell) but they’re both pretty lavish. Now, we can assume they each made their money individually in their respective careers but, honestly, Kristoph’s cell is so gaudy. To me, it screams “this is what I’m used to and I refuse to accept any less” which is an attitude that I feel comes more from a lifetime of that treatment. 

So if we accept everything that I’ve said above as true, trying to put a person who saves every penny they get and feels bad treating themselves with a person who spends money freely because it’s been a constant throughout their life? It can go poorly. Casually dating, maybe it’s not such an issue once Apollo says “please no more presents and can we just get takeout for once?” but if you’re talking about something more serious, where you have to live in the same space and pay joint bills and be confronted with the other person’s spending habits constantly, it’s a whole other thing. Please take it from me as a person in a long term relationship who loves their partner tremendously—everyone fights about money. Everyone. It would be very difficult for Apollo to feel comfortable, even if he knew that finances were in good shape and there was savings, etc. Things happen, people leave. Nothing gold can stay. Changing that line of thinking takes work. It would also be easier said than done for Klavier to just do an about face on his own habits for Apollo’s comfort. Being a celebrity makes money, but it costs money, too. There is a certain amount of lushness that people expect. That can’t just go away. These are things that become bigger problems overtime, no matter how much you love each other. 

Anyway, I would be really surprised if—even if you’re writing them as really happily married—Apollo doesn’t have a ‘emergency fund’ that even Klavier doesn’t know about. It’s a ‘just in case’. Just in case Klavier leaves him. Just in case he needs to get away fast. Just in case the world ends. It’s not a logical thing, something that he sat down and rationalized doing, it’s just there because it feels better to have it than to not. But that can be kind of hurtful if the other person finds out about it, so. There you go, a whole minefield of money related drama.

2. Apollo’s Abandonment Issues. He’s got them! What do you call and orphan twice over who also lost his very best friend? I don’t know, but if capcom doesn’t stop picking on my boy I’m going to kick them in the teeth. I will still never get over AA6 for telling us that Dhurke took Apollo in when he was orphaned as a baby, then abandoned him in the USA, then came back for him and got his hopes up, and then was actually dead the whole time! Hahahaha! What a trip! 

Anyway, you don’t come back from that super easy. People who suffer this kind of trauma usually have a really hard time trusting others, which is understandable. They also can have unrealistic needs from their partners, become codependent, or even just self-sabotage their relationships, pulling away first to try and avoid the pain because they think the other person will leave them. I think that last one is most likely for Apollo, especially given the disparity in circumstances I mentioned above. If Apollo can’t trust that Klavier actually loves him, can’t trust that he won’t leave him like EVERYONE ELSE HAS, then they can’t have a healthy relationship. Drama.

3. Klavier’s Emotional Trauma. Kristoph is a pretty big jerk to Klavier in the last case of AA4. He criticizes and undermines Klavier, threatens and admits to manipulating him. In the anthology, Klavier shares an “lol so funny!” story about Kristoph accidentally breaking a window while he and Klavier are playing ball. In it, he convinces Klavier that it was his fault and that he should take the blame and apologize for breaking the window! And Klavier does! That’s gaslighting, baby, and since the Anthology is supposed to be canon, we can take that to mean it’s been happening since Klavier was a kid. Think about that. An entire life of gaslighting and manipulative behavior! You don’t come back from that easily, either. 

People who experience emotional abuse can, among other things, suffer from depression and low-self esteem. They need affirmation from their partners and can have a hard time with letting people in or being honest (though not from a malicious mindset—more a “I’m going to say what I think you want to hear because if you’re happy, bad things won’t happen!”). They can also always be waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak. Sure things are good, but when will that end and the bad time start? It’s a self fulfilling prophecy: if all you can do is worry about things going wrong, then you aren’t actually enjoying when things are going right and you will cause the issues you’re so worried about. Drama.

4. Fame. Klavier has been in the spotlight since he was a literal child. If the Gavinners were already hits when Klavier was 17, they likely formed and starred their rise some time before then. A year, maybe two? Klavier spent his formative years in the spotlight. He quite literally doesn’t know any other way. Apollo, on the other hand, has never experienced the kind of scrutiny he’d be subject to when dating someone like Klavier. It can be really stressful and hurtful and just overall not a good time. And I’m not saying that Klavier wouldn’t be sympathetic, but I don’t think he would really understand how difficult it could be to have been thrust into that position out of nowhere, because he’s had years of dealing with it and was in a completely different place in life when it began for him. It’s not unreasonable to think that Apollo might not be able to take it. You can love someone and want to be with them but if you can’t adapt to their lifestyle, it’s not going to work. They could walk away rather than risk what might happen to Apollo if they kept it up. Drama.

5. Careers. They both have very demanding jobs. While sharing a similar profession can mean there’s a mutual understanding, it can also cause issues if you... never get to see each other? Schedules can be out of alignment (which could easily happen; their cases can’t always line up and they seem to require a lot of time investment outside of just normal hours). If Klavier goes back into music, that’s an additional time constraint. Why be in a relationship when you can only see the other person for moments here and there? What about the stress that comes with those jobs? That can cause drama.

6. Klavier looks like Kristoph. They are very different people, yes, but similar enough in some ways that it could cause tension. Maybe Klavier is tired and stressed and snaps at Apollo, and suddenly, all Apollo can see is Kristoph and all he can feel is the uncomfortable churning in his stomach that goes along with the memories of him. Someone he trusted, someone who let him down. That’s a difficult subject to broach, and it can fester like an infected wound if left intended. 

But Apollo sounds like Kristoph sometimes. We saw it in AA5, which is, of course, an extreme circumstance. But it can come out from time to time in other ways. A phrase that slips out, the way he intones certain words, the way he signs off in his emails—little things that are harmless, but can still act as triggers. 

Sometimes you need to get away from things that can remind you of your past in order to work on getting over them. If you are in love with someone who shares a similar trauma, who brings those issues from the past to light frequently just by being themselves, it might not be a healthy situation. I don’t think they would need to throw it in each other’s faces for it to become an issue. Drama.

There are more, but I probably took this more seriously than you intended. Whoops! Anyway, I hope that helps??? Maybe???? I hope you get them back together in the end because they deserve to be happy though!!!!!!!

[draganasimpsforjeff]

Hello! May I please have a creepypasta romantic match-up with some nsfw if your comfortable with it? Tysm in advance and I'm in love with your writing, like how is it so good?! Anyways I hope you have a great day/night and tysm once again!

Zodiac sign: Leo sun, Aries moon, Leo rising

Personality Type: ENTP

Pronouns: She/her

Sexuality: Straight (For now might be bi but i'm going with straight)

I'm 5'4 and I have a very tiny body frame so i'm extremely petite and pretty small. I'm not very curvy and I literally have the body of a cereal box...lol but its fine because I have nice hips and thighs. I have thick brown hair that goes down to my back and it gets tangled pretty easily but its kinda fluffy. I have brown eyes and tiny freckles all over my face and body. I also have a very strong grunge style, like Flannels, band t-shirts, combat boots, leather jackets etc. But i'd also always enjoy a nice oversized sweatshirt or hoodie with a pair of skinny, ripped jeans and some converses or something along those lines.

For my personality.....this is where things get interesting. At first people find me very intimidating due to my resting bitch face and cold exterior but I promise i'm not like that ALL the time. When you get to know me, i'm goofy and about everything that comes out of my mouth is sarcasm or some dry humored joke. I'm also that one friend in a group where they literally will do the stupidest shit ever like for an example one time it was super dark outside and my other friend was there, while I was trying to climb a tree and I failed and fell out of the tree, and landed on my back. I got straight up after that somehow it didn't hurt.....like at all? But yeah i'm super reckless and sometimes people have to save me from myself if you get what I mean. I also have a very strong "I don't give a fuck" attitude and I will not hesitate to stick up for myself or my friends....like i'm the type of person where if someone glares at me, i'll glare right back.

I have bad anxiety and I can be very self destructive. This is where my feisty, stubborn, hardheaded side comes in. If I want something then i'll fight for it even if it hurts me and i'll get into a bad cycle of putting myself down and trying to do better even if I did great the first time but I always push myself too far and other people have to stop me because I usually can't see it when its happening. I also cover my emotions up and I have a lot of trouble talking about whats bothering me or what problems i'm having emotionally so I put up a wall and I act tough, or happy and sometimes i'll be the exact opposite but I try to hide it.

Weird things about me: I've grown up in the south all my life so sometimes when I talk a few words they'll come out sounding WAYYY more country and southern then I wanted, I don't have an accent but sometimes my words just come out that way. I also love the smell of cigarette smoke....let me explain. When I was a kid my parents smoked a lot and I was used to smelling it and now it reminds me of home and is sort of comforting. Sometimes in the middle of the night you can find me just staring at a wall or something because I can't go to sleep.....I have trouble sleeping.....

Things I like: I love swimming (I was on a swim team for about 9 years), I love horror movies, I like rain and the sounds of thunderstorms because its calming to me, I also love the smell of rain, I like cloudy days, cooking, listening to 80's and 90's rock but mainly 90's because 90's is the best, My favorite bands are Bush, Audioslave, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Linkoln Park, Pearl jam but i'm pretty open to anything.

Things I dislike: Spiders.......I will scream if I see a spider.

So for the nsfw part (Feel free to ignore this if you don't want to write for it!)....I'm very shy and i'd like it if someone guided me. But i'm 100% a Bottom and I love praise and maybe a tiny bit of degradation. I also have a big ownership kink like if someone tells me that i'm their's....then I might die. I'm also a sucker for marking like lovebites and hickies? Yes please. But please tease me and edge me because I prefer not having control so someone else being in control is just...lovely. Also pet names! Like Sunshine, Babygirl, Doll....AHHhh I might melt.

-From 🎇Sparkle Anon🎇

Ah thank you so much! LOL I feel like we would be good friends bc of so much similarities, hope.you like this!

But anyways I match you up with-

🥁🥁🥁

Hoodie/Brian

SFW

This man ain't gonna lie you sometimes remind him a female version of his best friend Tim/ Masky but like in a good way (bc of your style and music choice)

Your foolishness is the ultimate thing he loves about you

He is scared to leave you by yourself sometimes since you are a klutz

But luckily he knows just enough about first aid so if you have a deep enough cut or something to that measure he's got you 😉😊

At first he would be scared to initiate conversation bc of your very beautiful but deadly looking "resting bitch face"

But once you started talking to him more he would feel a lot more comfortable coming around and just knew that's your cover around new people

Definitely teases you about your height 🤭 (he's 5'11 in my hc)

Is that type of cliche dude to rest his arm on you or would purchase a step ladder for you

Something could be an inch off your reach and he'll feel the need to tease you about it (all in good fun tho)

Hunny, he definitely gets the whole having difficulties talking about whats bothering as he does it too, he'll just try to figure out other ways to make you express what you're feeling. (Through healthy ways ofc)

He has anxiety too so yeah babe he gets it 😌

Sorry love but he kind of likes spiders soooo he would be that asshole that would pick one up and put it in your hair or shoulder without you noticing. (And now I have to do this don't kill me)

NSFW

Oooo darling ♥

He would love to mark you up

He love to be called his? Good cuz he was going to call you that either way even if you were friends or friends with benefits

What you got between your legs belongs to him

He loves how small you are since he's kind of toned and tall and you're like this little petite thing he can just throw around 😊

He understands if you're shy or don't feel comfortable being in control, he'll take over

Will say though, he'll probably suggest taking some sort of drug or anything to influence your senses so you feel more comfortable in your skin at some point or another

Especially since it's a very rare thing for him to see but he won't push too much

WILL 👏 FUCKING 👏 CALL 👏 YOU 👏 PET NAMES IN FRONT OF ANYONE

He doesn't care who hears or sees it since he would love to be caught ngl.

"I don't know why you're all dressed, doll, those clothes are gonna be in shreds and uses as gags or restraints"

Will take pics of you with his phone and has no shame having a very naked you in some angle displayed as his lock screen

Cockwarms you a lot especially when he's cleaning his guns

You just seem him there all busy taking care of something else and not you while his big ol dick stretches you

🥴🥴🥴 this man would choose to be suffocated between your thighs babe

Often squeezes them and ohohoh if you wear skirts or something showing them be prepared to be teased anywhere anytime

Hell even do it in front of others fuuuck he'd even eat you out while others are in the room.

"You're so tasty babygirl, I could eat you out all day and night"

[evakuality]

Mia, episode eight

1.  I know I’m just a grumpy oldish person and all, but ugh.  This whole ‘walking into school and holding hands while everyone gapes as if it’s amazing’ thing seems so stupid.  I work in a school, and maybe it’s different in Germany but this sort of thing just doesn’t seem to happen.  People just turn up together and it’s part of life (and also they break up again in 5 minutes so Plus, I’m annoyed that I was right and that Kiki seems to be 100% entirely okay with Mia and Alex now.  Her entire story appeared to be that she felt like she wasn’t good enough for Alex and so the whole eating/exercise thing was tied into that.  But now a) she’s totally ok with this whole Mia and Alex thing and b) getting together with Carlos has fixed all of her issues? I’m not sure I like the message we’re getting here.

2.  Oh, skateboarding and Alex of course gets all hyper aggressive.  I mean, obviously this is from the og and so a lot of the fault lies there.  But honestly I cannot stand these types of guys who think they need to act like this.  I don’t get why he can’t just say ‘he’s bad in this way...’ rather than totally blowing up at Mia and effectively accusing her of being an asshole by association (I mean, after last episode I think she is kind of an asshole - but that’s by association with Alex not this Bjorn guy).  William blaming Noora for all the problems in Skam was an issue and it’s not better here.  What’s the reason for attacking the guy with the board?  We have no idea and he seems super unreasonable.  I know that’s the point, but it’s not a good plot line and I don’t see why we had to keep all the really shitty stuff from the og.  And tbh, while I usually like Alex’s acting, here I don’t find him convincing at all.  He actually doesn’t look worked up enough yo go after the guy, and afterwards there’s nothing, no hint that he might feel like he went too far.

3.  I do like this opening on the next clip with Mia clearly stewing in the things she saw and conflicted about it all.  It’s these little quiet moments that really make for a good interaction with our characters imo, and I’m always a little sad that we get so few of them with Mia.  It was one of the things that I found best with Hanna, Matteo and Amira - these moments sitting with them in quiet and solitude where you get to see them unguarded.  It almost feels unnecessary to have this little chat with Linn and Hans’s guy because we clearly see what’s going on with Mia even without the dialogue.

4.  Interesting.  The last thing we’re asked in the previous clip is ‘what about this guy now’ but here we are and Mia is only concerned with Alex?  I genuinely don’t care about him (partly because ugh this character is not one I like anyway and so I have very little sympathy for him when he harms someone else), and I would actually like to know how the guy he hit is.  Now, again, I know this is coming through from the og and I know Bjorn is therefore really shitty but at this point the characters don’t know that and so I’d expect to see a little more interest and concern for him.  I’m sure that on the day, this was probably very poignant for viewers.  It’s Valentine’s day after all.  But the lack of any resolution of Alex being violent means I don’t actually care here.  Mia would be better off without an asshole. violent boyfriend, and as shitty as it would be to be alone like this on Valentine’s, she’d still be better off.  Plus, she could easily go hang with her friends.  Speaking of which, this thing with Jonas and Hanna is weird.  As if he has any claim on her now that they broke up?????  I’m starting to revise my opinion of them getting back together - this isn’t healthy behaviour from him at all and I don’t like what he’s doing here.  

5.  Interesting choice to have Bjorn telling Mia about Alex’s sister (I only watched the og once but from memory it wasn’t his counterpart who told Noora?  I think?), but this ‘Alex has told you something different - that figures’ is such a weird take.  Because yeah we KNOW Alex has been keeping stuff from Mia.  We saw that last episode and we were made very aware of it in the ‘spin the bottle’ scene among others, so making this like a big reveal and making it as if Bjorn is being a manipulative dick here is odd.  Like, it’s the truth?  Alex has been keeping stuff from Mia.  This show has spent a lot of time trying to make some moments real ‘gotchas’ for Mia, when actually they’re just genuinely telling us the truth about the character.  Alex does have this side, he always had it and he hasn’t really changed at all.  

6.  The use of this really annoying buzzing, whining noise is good though.  It works really well to put us in a space where Mia is out of sorts and finding it all overwhelming.  Alongside the brightness of the light, we do get a sense of dissociation, and the harsh glare of the light even after the moment is over really shines on how harsh this news is for her.  For most of the last 2 episodes we’ve seen Mia is softer, muted lighting so this is new and different and it really does play up the change that’s happening here.  ‘I got to know a different Alex’ - yeah, except she didn’t really.  Or we never got to ‘meet’ him alongside her.  It was told in montage and it wasn’t enough for me.  And the bits we did see of him being vulnerable also came with clearly hidden parts, and so this idea that she knows ‘the real Alex’ falls flat because (like I said a thousand times last episode) pacing was so off and things happened so fast that I don’t believe any of it.  Because we never really got to see anything very ‘real’ from him.  

7.  I’m also not sure why she’s believing this guy that her boyfriend clearly told her is an asshole.  Okay so Alex isn’t very available rn, but there are surely other people she could talk to.  Even if he hasn’t been the greatest, Sam for example is at least someone she knows.  This Bjorn guy is a dick, but unlike in the og when Noora went to William’s place and sort of fell into the issue, here Mia has chosen to go see him.  She’s deliberately put herself in his way.  And also, she’s literally being told that Alex kept stuff from her and held stuff back to manipulate her.  Why on earth does she just take this guy’s stuff at face value?  I know it’s supposed to be a whole ‘woah - falling for the thing he’s warning her of while he warns her’ moment for the audience, but it doesn’t work for me.  This guy isn’t charming or believable enough for her to not even consider going deeper into this.  But it’s an interesting call back to Mia’s phone call with her parents and how rigid they were, so you can sort of see why this part resonates for her.  Even so, dismissing Alex’s attempt to see her because of this is a choice.  Make it make sense!  It made very little sense with Noora and even less with Mia.

8.  One thing I really dislike about this Niko/Bjorn character is how cartoonishly evil they are.  Where’s the motivation for this guy to say all this to Mia?  He saw her exactly twice, barely knows how she’s related to Alex, and yet he decides when she comes to visit him that he should manipulate her?  The biggest flaw in the William/Alex story imo is the way they can only make him seem ‘good’ in comparison to a literal villain who has no depth.  Or I mean I guess we have 2 episodes to give this guy more depth but somehow I doubt it’s going to happen.  Everyone I’ve read talking about this has said this guy is worse than Niko, so I expect him to remain this weird cartoon with no reasonable motivation for any of this.

[xmanicpanicx]

Romanticized Things That Aren't Actually Romantic

1) The "shut up" kiss

It happens in more movies, TV shows, and novels than I can even count. One half of the couple (usually a woman or girl) will be talking, and the other person (usually a guy) will suddenly lay an ol’ sloppy one on her mouth. Often times, she’s rambling about her insecurities, so some people think it’s cute when he kisses her, symbolically laying her worries to rest. Don’t worry, hon! There’s nothing to be insecure about! He likes you! There are two big problems with this. The first is that when someone is speaking, you shouldn’t cut them off; best case scenario, it’s rude. Of course, people cut each other off all the time in conversation, so that’s different. But when a character interrupts another character’s speech to kiss them, they are essentially prioritizing their sexual desires over the other person’s need to express themselves. It’s an action that has an agenda. Everyone wants to be truly listened to when they speak. So if, for example, we have a female character babbling about her insecurities, the male character should hear her out, and then respond to what she says. There is plenty of romantic potential in words — even more than in kisses, in my opinion. His response could still be a kiss after she’s finished speaking (as long as it’s not a rattlesnake-strike type of kiss that doesn’t give her a choice). However, we still have another problem: the female character’s self-confidence shouldn’t be contingent upon the male character’s opinion of her. In other words, a kiss from a guy, no matter how much she loves him, will not and should not heal her negative perception of herself. Not healthy. Real people and characters should accept themselves on their own terms rather than on the approval of others.

Sometimes, the sudden kiss will come in the middle of a female character’s angry rant. The male character thinks she’s cute or sexy when she’s angry, which can be frustrating and patronizing for anyone who voices their anger because they want to be listened to and taken seriously. But regardless of why the character is talking, the other character should stop kissin’ and start listenin’.

2) Female double standards

Women and girls often feel really uncomfortable when men objectify them and make comments on their bodies, so they call these men out — and rightfully so. They also call male authors out for only describing women in terms of their bodies and giving them very little, if any, personality. Once again, rightfully so. Unfortunately, in real life and in literature, there is a double standard here. It’s one thing to write an erotic novel in which bodies of every gender are described in explicit detail and with an express purpose. But I’ve read novels without any sexual content that go into so much detail about guys’ looks. And these male characters are often not well-developed, either (think of the stereotypical jock with a hot bod and no brain). Authors — especially female authors, who are usually the ones perpetuating this — need to do better than this. If it's not okay to do that to girls, it's not okay to do that to guys, either. Also, what is up with that scene from The Notebook? The one where Rachel McAdams repeatedly slaps Ryan Gosling because he’s breaking up with her. How on Earth is that okay? The Notebook is widely considered to be a super-romantic movie, but there is nothing romantic about that scene, and it should be a deal-breaker for their relationship. If the tables were turned and Ryan Gosling slapped Rachel McAdams for breaking up with him, the entire plot of the movie would be different. It would be a thriller, a story about a woman trying to escape a scary ex. We would never root for the two of them to get back together.

3) Overly-metaphorical sex scenes

Cheese, cheese, and more cheese. Would you like some crust and tomato sauce with all that cheese? So many novels shy away from the anatomical details and favor metaphors for how the sex makes the characters (or just the narrating character) feel. In theory, there is nothing wrong with this, but I personally tend to roll my eyes more often than not at the actual execution. The narrator will say something too dramatic, like “our bodies became one and the universe opened up before me.” Or “and then we were flying, soaring with and through one another.” Or something else that is just… not sexy. As far as being poetic, there isn’t anything special about those phrases, either. There is nothing wrong with describing sex as it really is. I realize that novels featuring sex that are aimed at young adults probably cannot describe things too explicitly, but there’s no need to replace dirty details with flowery language. Go for whatever sincerity you can in the situation. There are plenty of different emotions to mine and sensual details leading up to the actual sex that read more thrillingly than the sex scene itself. 

4)  Instalove

It's simply not as much fun to see characters fall for each other right away. And how could they possibly fall for each other right away, anyhow? Is it all about looks? If so, both characters are instantly less likable because they're shallow. And that's not real love, either. You need to actually know someone in order to feel a such a deep emotion for them.

It's also important to note that making the characters "love" each other at the outset of the story does not heighten the emotional stakes. It actually cheapens them. Because how can we take this so-called love seriously when we don't get to know, don't get to care about, the characters as individual people before they fall for each other?

Now, if we get to know each character and watch them get to know each other, and slowly fall for each other, that's much more rewarding.  It's character growth, and it's a whole process that we, as readers, get to experience vicariously though them.

This may just be a personal preference, but I think it's best to even avoid phrases like “my heartbeat skipped” or “my skin tingled when our hands brushed” in the beginning stages of the story. Even though the declarations of love and outright displays off affection may come later on, statements like these reveal instant attraction, which still isn't as rewarding as attraction that grows over time and through events.

5) Love interests being obsessed with each other

From approximately 2005-2015, YA literature saw a horde of books featuring teenage girls and boys who are everything to each other. I almost mean that literally. The first really popular book like this was Twilight, but it had a huge influence on everything in YA that came after, especially YA fantasy. How romantic, some people think, that hero lives for the heroine! And vice versa! Perfect! Meant to be! Everyone wishes they could have that one, true, perfect love! 

Listen. Go back to Britney Spears’s first album and play the song “Born to Make You Happy”: ”I don’t know how to live without your love, I was born to make you happy.” Solid 90s bubblegum pop, but with unhealthy lyrics. An unhealthy mentality. Most of us are familiar with that heady, all-consuming feeling of falling in love, how it feels like that’s the best and happiest part of life as it’s happening. There’s nothing wrong with portraying that. It’s relatable. The glorification of it beyond all else is the problem. The hero and heroine have scares throughout the story during which they almost lose each other, and that brings to light just how strongly they feel each other, to the extreme that nothing matters except each other. Then, of course, they ultimately end up together, happily ever after, never having to part again. But in real life, people break up, or sometimes even die. People have no choice but to be apart from the person they loved so much from then on. And it’s devastating, but it’s not the end, even if it sometimes feels like it. That’s why it’s so important for books to give some indicator that there are other things that matter besides (and dare I say even more than) the one person the hero/heroine is in love with. The characters have to have some sense of self-love or resilience. They have to have other people they care about, or at least values/principles and goals. They have to be an actual person, not just a vessel filled to the brim with love for just one other person. Romanticizing a co-dependent relationship can be hope-crushing message, especially for teenagers who haven’t had enough time to grow, to weather the storm of life and toughen up and become wiser and more self-aware and self-confident. 

7) The super dominant male love interest 

Okay, I’m not trying to kink-shame anyone because I know there are people who absolutely love this trope. I want to say it’s fine, as long as it remains in Tropeland. But even if women want to keep these love interests solely within their fantasies, I do worry about the message it sends to men, if it makes them think that they can be abusive douchebags because women are into that. I already know of far too many men who think that women are only into assholes. 

Personally, I’ll never understand the appeal of a man, fictional or otherwise, who dictates what a woman should wear, her food choices, where they go and what they do for dates ALL THE TIME. And jealousy! Sure, jealousy indicates that someone cares, and it’s a normal human emotion, but I’ll never understand the appeal of a guy who gets so jealous, he won’t allow his girlfriend any freedom. I’ll never understand how cruel, disparaging words could ever be on the same sexiness level as dirty talk. And I really, really will never understand how a man physically harming a woman could be considered sexy. It’s weak and cowardly, hurting someone who doesn’t stand a chance of fighting back because they’re nowhere near as strong.

I get the appeal of a guy who sees a woman as his equal and isn’t afraid to spar with her, challenge her, and maybe even be a little bit rough with her, knowing that she can handle it. I see the appeal of a confident man who isn’t afraid to tell a woman what he wants. When his presence becomes legitimately threatening and completely selfish, that’s when I personally see a problem. But hey, to each their own.

[kiseiakhun]

What are your feelings on Kyle/Jason/Wally. I kinda think it might happen if Kyle had a crush on both. Accidentally tells Wally. Teasing. Jason finding out. Jason and Wally overdramaticly flirting. Dick finds out and Kyle dying from the close proximity of both Jason/Wally Wally/Jason Jason/Kyle Wally/Kyle. And then Flirting/Showing off intensifying. Although I don't really know much about Wally or Kyle. ❤

RUBS HANDS TOGETHER

Hello? This is the greatest ask anyone’s ever sent me. Kyle is a lovey-dovey dumbass who falls in love after two seconds of knowing someone, so like. It’s real. It’s very real. He and Wally would’ve had their thing first? Because of their whole enemies to lovers arc in JL, except - because of that whole dynamic where they started off ragging on each other, I feel like they both would’ve been oblivious to their feelings. Add in a healthy dose of compulsory heterosexuality from Kyle, and yeah... the adults of the League have probably been waiting years for that ship to sail, except the babies just keep being oblivious dunderheads.

(Wally realized in his teen years that he’s not strictly heterosexual, because being on a team with Dick Grayson when you’re male tends to draw out any bent inclinations very, very quickly. It’s just. Kyle is the snot-nosed rookie too big for his britches. He’s a baby? He’s an infant. Wally is not attracted to an infant, wtf.)

And then Kyle goes off on his journey of self-discovery with Donna and Jason. Well, journey of self-discovery for him, because Jason’s ass and body and his devil-may-care tough guy attitude is the culmination of Kyle’s bisexual crisis. Seriously, countdown is basically Kyle going “ugh, that stupid hot sexy asshole is so hot and sexy around Donna, there’s no way she can resist him. Why is he attractive? He needs to stop. I’m going to fight him because he’s TOO HOT.” It’s incredible. If the writers weren’t cowards, countdown would’ve ended with them being in a triad.

Donna’s probably the one who points out that mayhaps... Kyle’s constant mooning over Jason might mean something different... and Kyle’s like wtf, no. And then he actually thinks about it, because Kyle’s one of maybe two (2) men in the dcu who has a semblance of emotional intelligence (idk who the other one is, but I’m sure he’s out there) (edit: it’s Connor. Connor Hawke. Connor is the other man. I was going to say Clark but Clark keeps going to extremes whenever he or his are threatened and. like. he tries, bless his heart, but there’s still a lot of repression going on with him) and he’s like wait. Fuck. Well what do I do with this information!! It’s not like Jason is into guys!!!

To which Donna just looks at him like, how are you so smart yet so stupid at the same time. She remembers how baby Jason mooned over Roy and Dick as much as he mooned over her. She Remembers.

(Also, lbr, Donna’s very experienced by now at dealing with dumb boys in denial about their non-het leanings. See previous statements about being on a team with Dick Grayson. She saw all of it, man. She’s seen so much.)

Cue Kyle, sitting bolt upright in bed after they’ve just wound down for the night and just saying, “Oh my god, Wally.”

And Donna’s just like, yup.

And Jason’s just like ? wtf is that asshole up to now. Whatever, idc, blissfully unaware of Kyle’s bi panic.

Anyway. The world is saved, and they get back to their Earth, and Kyle manages to put it aside because Everything Happens So Much. He’s the Green fking Lantern, okay, he doesn’t have time to deal with sexuality crises, except. Except. It won’t leave him alone?

Like, in his downtime he hangs out with Wally a lot since they’re friends, and oh yes, hello raging crush that he can no longer pretend isn’t a thing, because once Kyle acknowledges his attraction? That is it, man, there’s no turning back from that point. And ik that in canon, Jason threw a snitfit and left Kyle and Donna in the middle of their happy fun space adventure fieldtrip, but let’s say he didn’t have a sudden ooc personality turn because of writer mandate, and he stayed with Kyle and Donna until the end of their journey, and they stayed in touch.

And Kyle realizes, to his horror, that Jason is charming, and funny, and not bad on the eyes, and fuuuuck. This isn’t really helping his stupid dumb crush. Stupid dumb crushes. Goddamn.

(Sometimes Jason even joins him in his Space Adventures because of his new team. More specifically, Kori and her shiny new spaceship that can sustain humans in space conditions, and he is not jealous, shut up, Roy.)

(Roy caught on pretty quickly, because he’s much more empathetic and in tune with other peoples emotions than he pretends to be 90% of the time. Unfortunately, he only uses his powers for chaos.)

Ofc, Wally would start getting curious about Jason eventually because suddenly this kid is fucking everywhere? Dick’s calling on him for intel in the middle of a firefight, and he’s ragging on Roy’s atrocious dress sense, and he’s joking with Donna and Kyle’s giving him the same shit that he used to give to Wally, excuse me. Wasn’t he a villain or something? The last time Wally paid attention to him, he was sawing heads off in Gotham, and now Wally can’t seem to turn without tripping over him. When the fuck did that even happen?

(I’m not sure if Wally ever met Robin!Jason. Hm. Were Jason’s guest-appearances on the team during when Wally was pulling one of his stints of... I don’t WANT to be a hero, I want to be a NORMAL BOY who goes to COLLEGE, even though I literally re-created the Flash’s lab accident down to the letter just so I can have his powers and be a hero and save the world? ... ykw, we don’t acknowledge that era of Wally. This was back when he was a meninist incel or something. Ick.)

... and damn, Wally really can trip over him now, huh. Because he sure did grow up big, and strong, and rugged, and haha fuck now Dick is starting to glare at him, too, and not just at Roy, abort, abort.

...... Wally does attempt to subtly ask Roy, later, if there’s any truth to the statements about him and Jason and Kori that Roy says to Dick to get him all riled up. I say “attempt to” because Wally is bad at subtlety. It’s part of why he and Kyle get along so well. Roy realizes what he’s asking and he about has an apoplexy because Wally? Wally? Now there’s a surprise contender he did not expect, tossing his hat into the ring.

But also. Also... hot.

Roy and Kori are watching all of this while munching popcorn like damn, this is better than TV. Because Kyle’s having his crisis, his Love crisis, and Wally’s having his oh my god why do I find my best friend’s little brother hot crisis, and Jason is just happily oblivious to all of this, because he’s too busy angsting over his dad not loving him enough and dismantling trafficking rings and being the big, bad scourge of Gotham to notice Kyle pining after him like a lovelorn puppy, and Wally eyeing him appreciatively like he hasn’t eaten in a whole hour and Jason is a tender piece of marbled steak roasted on both sides to perfection. He does notice the way Kyle and Wally look at each other, though, because he’s only observant when it comes to the positive emotions of other people. And he is not stepping in the middle of that, tyvm, because from what Roy’s told him the two of them have a looooong history and he does not want to get caught in the middle of that crossfire.

Roy and Kori are both like, what makes you think it’s going to get messy, anyway? And Jason, whose real world examples of functioning relationships are 1. Willis and Catherine Todd, 2. Bruce and Selina, 3. Bruce and Talia, 4. Dick and all his exes, 5. Roy and all of his not-exes because he doesn’t date but people keep falling in love with him anyway and he panics and ghosts them because he is Roy William Commitment Issues Harper, 6. Kori and whatever the fuck she’s got going on with Dick and like, an ex? back on Tamaran? who she might still be married to?? what the fuck, 7. Kyle and Donna and their messy breakup(s)(?) (Jason doesn’t ask, because he Does Not Want To Know) (he’s too busy repressing to realize it’s half because of jealousy), is just like, that’s just how things go.

And Roy and Kori, both having mentally run through all of those ^ options while Jason was thinking of a response, are just like. ... yeah, alright, that’s fair enough.

God, every single relationship in DC is a mess.

Where was I even going with this?

Oh, right. Basically, Kyle is pining like a lovelorn idiot, Wally doesn’t know what the fuck he’s feeling and it’s making him confused, and Jason is ignoring his feelings because maybe if he just represses them hard enough, they won’t spill over and punch him in the face. Honestly, I see Wally making the first move, because his inadequacy issues don’t run as deep as Jason and Kyle’s do, and Kyle’s just like :D and Jason’s like, what the fuck. What the fuck? Because it literally blindsides him, even though it’s stupidly, painfully obvious to everyone else around him.

Either that, or Roy gets sick enough of watching their lovelorn pining, and employs Dick’s help to lock them all in a closet, naked, and fuck it out.

(Dick doesn’t actually disapprove of Jason sleeping with his friends, he just needs to get over his mental block of still seeing Jason as a baby)

Anyway. They’re all a whole-ass mess.

[heartbreaknow]

So I wrote this ridiculous meta. It’s long, guys, it’s long. I wrote most of it like a year ago, but a discussion on discord made me decide to add a couple of paragraphs and actually post it.

I know meta isn’t really en vogue anymore (lol, was it ever?), but what the hell. If you enjoy deep-dives into Tony Stark’s hot mess of a psyche, it’s possible you’ll enjoy—

Tony Stark as Sisyphus (& The Tranquil Summit of ‘I’m A Good Person’)

Okay, so here’s what I think:

I think Tony Stark has a high (and largely accurate) estimation of his own value, i.e. what he’s accomplished and what he can do. He’s a genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist, superhero, and he knows it. But I don’t think Tony really sees himself as a good person or believes that he deserves to be liked and cared about for who he is. I am 100% convinced that inside Tony Stark’s mind is a subconscious narrative that goes:

1. If people don’t value me they’re idiots who aren’t worth wasting time on.

2. If people don’t care about me, they’re smart; caring about me is a bad move that will erode quality of life over time.

Basically, I think there’s this weirdly paradoxical thing that happens, where, whenever Tony does something incredibly heroic and brave and selfless, he attributes the thing he’s done to his value, but not to his goodness. A psychologically healthy person would recognize they’d done a good thing, and each time it would incrementally reinforce their sense of themself as a good person. But Tony, who is not such a psychologically healthy person, fails to identify and attribute his actions correctly. In his mind, the thing he did was valuable, perhaps necessary, probably important. But his understanding of his own actions largely bypasses goodness.

Which kind of ends up creating a bit of a negative feedback loop whereby he has to be heroic just to break even. Because subconsciously, he’s not a good person doing good things. He’s a dubious person doing necessary, valuable things. If he stops doing the necessary valuable things…what’s left?

On a conscious, surface level, he is aware the things he does are good, but I think he’s so unpracticed at linking the idea of goodness with his own self-identity that he tends to almost discount goodness where his own actions are concerned. Like, if you asked him if he thought he’d done a good thing by saving a bunch of people from plummeting to their deaths, he’d be like, “Yeah, of course, saving lives is kind of the superhero MO.” But it’s just words. His psyche doesn’t know how to make use of that. In fact, even here in this little hypothetical projection I just did, he’s deflecting away from goodness in favor of efficacy and necessity.        

So all of the good things he does just reinforce the schism in his psyche whereby he has a well-supported sense of his own value, but any sense he has that he is good is as thin and unsupported as a house of cards. It’s kind of like a sibling to impostor syndrome, where a very competent person doesn’t attribute their competent actions to the fact that they are competent, but instead attributes their competent actions to any number of other factors, such as luck, other people’s help, or that it was actually easy and if it hadn’t been easy they would have failed. Except in Tony’s case it’s not his competence his psyche doesn’t know how to reinforce, it’s his sense of his own goodness as a person.

Tony’s subconscious says: you don’t do good things because you’re good. You do them because you have to. Because what kind of a person would you be if you didn’t? Because you’re trying to be better. Because you need to atone. You do good things to mitigate your badness. You do selfless things to mitigate your selfishness.

If someone accused him of being a bad person, he could, and might, defend himself by listing any number of extremely good things he had done. But because he hasn’t internalized them properly, the defense would feel hollow and flimsy to him—despite it actually being a sound defense. Which is why, instead of defending his goodness, he’s a lot more likely to say, “Yeah yeah, selfish asshole. Got it. But I’m a selfish asshole who can pull us out of the fire.” Because that he has internalized: he is valuable. He can do things no one else can.  

(Side note: I think this is part of why some people perceive Tony as being a narcissist with a huge ego. They assume he thinks highly of himself, and is extolling his own virtues when he calls himself a genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist. “Shallow bragging,” they think. But he’s not extolling his virtues. He’s giving his resume: This is my value.)  

And I think he just kind of goes through life that way, relying on his sense of his own value to be enough, to get him through, without some kind of psychological collapse. And it mostly works. He is very valuable; it’s enough to get by on. I mean, he’s saved the planet how many times? And the technological advances he’s provided society over the last decade are hard to overstate. And he funds the Avengers almost single-handed. So yeah, damn right he’s valuable.

But no matter how strong his sense of his own value is, it’s ultimately a shell. I’m not saying it’s worthless, because it’s very much not. Feeling valuable is a really great thing for anyone to have as part of their self-identity. But the bottom line is that it’s not who he is; it’s what he can offer. It’s one abstraction removed from the core of self-identity. And what’s encased in that shell of value is a person who doesn’t really like himself or trust himself, because he hasn’t properly internalized all the reasons he should.

.

Also, do I need to mention that his Iron Man suit (a literal shell he literally built and literally uses to give aid and protection) is the perfect extension of the schism between who he is vs. what he can do for the world? (It’s also a perfect extension of the way he conflates who he is with what he can do for the world.)

What’s interesting is that in Iron Man 3, he proves to himself that he’s still Iron Man, with or without the suit. Which is a positive, empowering affirmation for Tony, and the movie kind of plays it as the ultimate breakthrough in self-actualization—but it doesn’t actually address the underlying schism in his sense of self. It doesn’t bridge the disconnect between “I am a valuable person to the world” and “I am a good person within myself.” All it does is prove to Tony that he is able to be valuable even when he’s alone and suit-less. He feels less afraid by the end of the movie because he’s proven that the suit is not the source of his empowerment. However, his self-identity is still kind of a mess. He just feels more certain of his ability to self-generate the side of that mess which he sees as valuable.

.

Another thing I want to note is that I don’t actually think Tony’s difficulties with internalizing a sense of personal goodness spring from the fact that he used to design and sell weapons. I definitely think his years of designing and selling weapons negatively affect how he feels about himself, but I think his issues with self-identity began a lot earlier in life, with a father who “never told Tony he loved him; never even told Tony he liked him.” Young Tony was probably often reprimanded for his badness but rarely praised for his goodness. And when he was given any sort of approval as a child, it was probably most often for making himself useful in some way (I’m picturing Howard saying, “Don’t just stand there like a simpleton; help your mother.”) Though as he got older he probably also discovered intelligence, drive, and ingenuity would get him places. Thus creating a mentality where “bad” was the default; “good” was out of reach; useful, intelligent, and driven were the best you could do; and accomplishment was currency.  

So if anything, I think the causation goes in the opposite direction: Tony’s years of designing and selling weapons did not cause his estrangement from a sense of his own goodness. Rather, his pre-existing estrangement from a sense of possible goodness was part of what made him willing to design and sell weapons. It’s certainly much easier to disregard the ethics of your pursuits when you’ve never really believed yourself to be a good person anyway. When you are in fact so estranged from the notion of what it means to be good that you’re honestly not sure how you would achieve it or even what it would feel like.

It also is a big part of why he’s more prone to “ends justify the means” thinking than some of the other Avengers. The concept of goodness is more abstracted for him. When Cap is faced with a problem, for example, the first thing he mentally reaches for it his ethical compass; he trusts it will guide him. Whereas Tony’s ethical compass isn’t a tool he’s particularly comfortable using; it’s unreliable. When something is wrong, when there’s a threat, Tony reaches for his drive and intelligence to make the wrong thing right, to neutralize the threat. On a gut level, Tony believes that making the wrong thing right, neutralizing the threat, equals good—and drive says the means which get you to the good result are good means. Compared to Cap, for whom the end result is secondary. Good people use good means to try to stop bad things from happening. The good is in the trying, not the result. (Tony: We’ll lose. Steve: Then we’ll do that together too.)

Obviously Tony does not consciously believe good results always equal good means. But it’s harder for him to determine when his means are bad, because he has such a messy relationship with his ethical compass. If he didn’t mistrust it, he’d find it was a perfectly functional and admirable ethical compass. But he can’t trust it, because he doesn’t truly believe he’s a good person in the first place.

.

What’s interesting, though, is that he keeps trying. Ironically, when it comes to being a good person, he doggedly practices Steve’s approach. He keeps trying to do enough good to outweigh his perceived failings, regardless of the fact that it’s a Sisyphean task because his psyche never internalizes it properly. He keeps trying anyway, with no real belief that there’s some tranquil summit of “I’m a good person” for him to reach. He keeps trying, because that one thing, at least, he’s sure is right. Which is really what makes him heroic.

.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

[thoughtsofanexcitedspacechild]

Why Avatar: the last Airbender is probably one of the best shows ever written (Part two)

Ok ok WOW! I didn’t expect the last post to get so much hype! (I know it was only 19 notes at the time of posting this but for someone who has two followers this is a BIG deal, so thank you!) So if you haven’t seen the last part...umm..I guess go read that first? I mean, you could read this one first and then that one. I guess it doesn’t matter what order you read these in. Anyways, lets get to the point already. In the last post I mentioned just some of the reasons why this show is amazing, like the characters, the amazing representation, and the connections to everyday society and villains. Today I wanna focus in on the crazy good female representation, (yea this is a whole separate paragraph and gif set), the amazing bonds shown between characters, and in general, the visual and audio appeal of the show. 

Right of the bat, season one episode one, you got the RAGING feminist we call Katara. Sokka makes one comment about her being a girl (don’t remember what exactly it was) and Katara immediately calls him out for it. And by “calls him out” I mean destroys and waterbends and iceberg to then free Aang and initiates the entire plot of the show. 

You get the point, right? 

“Oh it was just one time, right?” 

Nope! Again, three episodes later, and still not shaken by the literal wave of rage that Katara unleashed upon him, Sokka is still a sexist asshole. When they arrive on Kiyoshi island, the Gaang is promptly captured and taken prisoner by the Kiyoshi Warriors, who by the way, are entirely comprised of girls. 

For a show that came out in the early 2000′s, this is revolutionary. Imagine you’re a little girl watching this. How amazing and crazy would it be to see a group of fighters that are all girls? After being released, Sokka being the absolute flirt that he is goes to flirt with them. (Or mostly Suki) He’s then shown up and completely gets his ass kicked. Later, embarrassed and finally having learned his lesson, he comes back and asks to learn from them. Suki agrees and eventually, (after being dressed in FULL attire) trains him. So far that’s two women who have forcefully made Sokka chug his respect women juice. By the time Toph shows up in season two, he doesn’t even try to pick a fight with her. One of the other brilliant things that this show does is incorporate a female villain. Yes Firelord Ozai was always a threat, but Azula is truly the real threat in this show. she’s shown multiple times being more powerful than Zuko and ten times more threatening to Aang and his mission. Let’s just say that if it were up to Azula and the fire nation girl squad (that by the way consists of two incredibly powerful non bender females) to capture the Avatar, it would have been done much faster. Finally to seal the deal, we get this line from Suki: “I am a warrior, but I am a girl too.” Need I say more? 

Second thing on todays list is the absolutely precious friendships, adorable romantic relationships, and crushes. Let’s just say that if you want to feel something after feeling numb for a long time, this show will do it for you. I know for certain it helped me. I was actually in the middle of feeling the mid quarantine slump when I started watching this show around June. I was bored, anxious, and feeling a bit numb after talking with my family and one other co worker for the past few months. This show and the friendships within it really helped me mentally. It gave me things to hope for, and made me dream about the future with my own friends. The bonds shared between team avatar are enviable to say the least. I mean come on! besides the fact that Katara and Aang are water bending in the background, the gif below is a normal pool day w/ the homies for Sokka. 

Not only are the platonic relationships in this show realistic and adorable, but the romance in this show is top notch. We see multiple healthy and normal relationships develop during the show, and it’s quite satisfying when things work out, the best example being Aang and Katara. Although there are some people who would disagree with me on this, Kataang is an ideal relationship. Throughout the show, both characters develop and grow because of each other. Aang is able to grow not only in his bending abilities, but he’s able to mature and realize his full potential because of Katara, all in a healthy and non rushed way. What starts out as a crush develops into a blossoming and equal party relationship, with both people contributing and receiving equal amounts of love. They balance each other out, and keep each other in check. They're able to bounce ideas (and water) off of each other and primarily are best friends before they’re love interests.

Another relationship that has similar good energy is the one shared by Sokka and Suki. They both genuinely care about each other. Not only that, but as mentioned in the previous paragraph, Suki completely changes him for the better and Sokka throughout the whole series is loyal af to her. We even see him tell Ty Lee to back off when she flirts with him. Suki is his, and he’s hers while still allowing them to be their own individual and authentic selves. 

Lastly, this show has the most incredible visuals and score. As far as TV shows go, the soundtrack is pretty amazing. So many people write this off as anime and it honestly pisses me off because it’s really not and theres so much more to it. (Not that there’s anything wrong with anime lol) The creators, (say it with me) aren’t dumb, and you can tell that plenty of thought went into background music to create the perfect mood for each scene. (My favorite thing about it is honestly the fact that Azula is represented by one ominous sounding chord and you immediately know that she’s about to fuck shit up.) The visuals and character design are also incredible, and even if the episode is dull, (by that I mean the great divide. Hey if your new to this do me a huge favor and skip right over that episode) the colors and scenery in this show, not to mention the bending scenes make it such a worthwhile watch.

I mean tell me that that’s not incredible?

So that’s all I got for now! I may make a part three, but I need to see if I can pull together three more topics that I can go into in depth. Again, thank you so much for the support on the last one! :)

[nightwingshero]

OC Themes

So, thank you @xbaebsae for letting me just vomit this information in our chat, you’re a saint and a trooper! I’m so sorry lol

But I have come to the conclusion due to too much caffeine that each of my OCs actually symbolize different highly opinionated statements that are actually important to me. So, some major spoilers for their canon, but I think it’s totally worth it for the message they convey. Long post that literally no one asked for!

Note: I am very proud of all of this. If you don’t agree, fine. But for those who love my OCs (thank you so much for your support!), here’s the deeper meaning to who they are, what they represent, and the values I have and stand for. 

Wren Blake

Wren’s canon (or arc) is all about her coming to terms with trauma, suffering and dealing with miscarriage, depression, suicidal thoughts, and anxiety. Things people don’t talk enough about and show support for, and it gets left unsaid. She’s a character that is desperate for a support system she never had and she represents the effects of the lack of it. She is, also, a great representation that (yes Eden’s Gate and the Seeds are EVIL) every side has a story, and that you will always be a hero or villain in someone’s story. So, you live for you and who you are. Not for what other people want for you or who they want you to be. It shows the struggle of someone who is empathetic to a fault, someone who struggles with loving themselves and feeling as if they are never enough because of how their parents raised them, and I know that that’s an issue a lot of us have experienced. Yes, she is technically meant to be a “bad guy”, but that’s not the point. The point is that she’s human and flawed, and still a good person that learns to be true to herself despite all of it. Insert line from Wreck-It-Ralf: Just because I’m a bad guy, doesn’t make me a bad guy person.

Rowan Palmer

The walking example that positivity is NOT a personality trait, it’s a skill set, and it is HARD. You choose to be positive and it’s a challenge for everyone. You can’t control some of the things that happen to you, but you damn well can control how you react to it and what you do with it. But the biggest thing? BLOOD DOESN’T MAKE YOU FAMILY! This took me YEARS to understand and learn, guys. And I will say it louder for the people in the back: BLOOD. DOESN’T. MAKE. YOU. FAMILY. Too often have I had to deal with bullying, toxicity, and just pure negativity because “they’re your family, it’s what you’re supposed to do”. Fuck NO! Blood is no excuse! You can CHOOSE your family, and Rowan’s story is about her learning that cutting toxic family members from your life is a GOOD thing! You deserve people that appreciate and love you!! Blood doesn’t excuse the way you’re treated, and don’t you ever let it! There are people that value you, that love and support you, for who you are. Those are your people, THAT’S your family.

Jane Williams

Can we just not with toxic masculinity and let women be fucking powerful human beings without prejudice? Without some fucking stereotype? Let them be creative, let them be fucking smart, and have some bassassness and let them LOVE! There’s a reason for the Viking hair, my dudes. And Jane (along with Wren) are MAJOR favorites of mine because of this post. Jane is well rounded, she has a past and she has emotions! She’s also a sarcastic asshole that people love! You can be badass and soft. You can be a hardass and love to create. YOU CAN BE DEEP! You can be all these things and not fall into a category people try to force you into. You don’t need that shit, fuck it! You can be beautiful, no matter what you believe in or what you do. No matter what you value. You are valid in who you are, stay true to it. Fuck labels, you don’t need them. We love you. 

Randy Miller

Again, can we just say FUCK TOXIC MASCULINITY?! Having a strong male character that HAS A SOFT CARING SIDE! Randy has feelings, he’s not afraid to be sensitive, and that’s such a beautiful thing. How dare people put expectations on any gender because of the gender? The audacity! Also, PLATONIC MALE/FEMALE RELATIONSHIPS THAT ARE HEALTHY AND SUPPORTIVE! We don’t get this enough, honestly. One of my best friends is a guy, and I can’t tell you how many times we’ve been mistaken as a couple. All because of an unspoken expectation that women can’t be friends with men without something going on. Well, I’m done with it. It’s so important to have positive and supportive relationships, gender has nothing to do with it. 

Whitney Seed

This...this is a big one. For those who actively follow me, you know that Whitney is a challenge for me to write, and you’re going to learn the biggest reason why. Whitney’s arc? Her relationship doesn’t end good, guys. Nope. She loses her faith and trust in Joseph, they become estranged after one of their children dies. Her arc ends with her stepping away from the Mother role and killing Ethan. And yes there’s a reason. I grew up in rural America, and I’m telling you, Hope County is super accurate in its representation. I know what it’s like to grow up in a religious, conservative family. Thankfully, Whitney and I turned out very differently. Nancy (in my opinion) is a white, privileged middle-aged (or older) woman that probably grew up religious. Whitney grew up with that. With a woman that was probably conservative and taught her values. Told her what her place and role was. So Whitney is placed into a role by Nancy and Joseph, because that’s what she was always told her purpose was. That was her place. Whitney is a stereotypical “southern belle”, from the way she talks to her baking and being The Mother. Her character is sexism personified, showing the roles that women are forced into due to toxic masculinity. She was raised and taught that that’s okay, that you respect your husband and God is law. Her character development and conflict is more after Wren’s canon and into New Dawn. She overcomes the expectations that were wrongly placed on her, and she sees the wrongness of it. She grows from it and becomes her own person. 

And that, ladies and gentlemen, are my OCs’ true core. Sorry for the ramble. But I’m proud of this. And each OC IS a piece of myself and my values. Thanks for listening to it. 

[slytherin-team]

I thought it would just be easier to put this in it’s own post - some bullet points for why I unironically ship Snape and Petunia:

- the potential set-up is irresistible! Also, who wasn’t shocked when it was revealed that Snape and Petunia of all characters knew each other as kids?! I see Snape as an ultimately good person. I can’t say the same for adult Petunia but I have a lot of sympathy for child Petunia, and frankly I think adult Petunia should have been written more grey and nuanced like Snape. The Dursleys overall were a little too cartoonish and bland. It’s been said that “there’s more to Petunia’s character than meets the eye,” and that should have been shown more.

- speaking of the potential set-up - it allows for so many avenues to explore in fanfic! For example, stories where teen Petunia and teen Severus get together in Cokeworth, or the two of them coming together as adults, or stories of them raising Harry together instead of Petunia and Vernon, etc. Like there’s just so many different ways it could happen and it could range from a really, positive enlightening relationship to a really toxic or torrid love affair, and all of those could be great and interesting stories.

- we don’t get any on-screen muggle/wizard romances and that would have been interesting. I also like the idea of Petunia being with a wizard and feeling more included in the magical world and I like Severus with a muggle, maybe living a quiet life away from all the death eater stuff, kinda returning to the muggle world but in a new, positive way

- Petunia and Snape are both extremely insecure as kids/teens. Petunia never feels good enough compared to Lily and Severus never feels good enough compared to wealthy pure-bloods like James Potter. Petunia claims that her parents neglected her and favored Lily. Severus was neglected by his parents (my personal headcanon is that his mother loved him but was so beaten down by Tobias’s abuse that her health and state of mind prevented her from being a good mother). Petunia and Snape look down on each other when they meet, but actually they have more in common than Snape and Lily. Petunia can probably understand him better than someone popular and loved like Lily.

- In the movie Snape has that line about Petunia being jealous because Lily is special and she’s ordinary. This gets at the heart of Petunia’s insecurities. But here’s the thing - Snape and Petunia, who both feel that they’re not special- could be special to each other. Snape is attracted to power because he wants to be in control and not weak, which leads him down a dark path. He didn’t need the death eater stuff - he needed someone he could confide in. I always imagine him as domestic and a homebody at heart - just brewing potions in his basement or reading books in his armchair. He wants to regain a sense of control over his life but he doesn’t seek prestige to the same degree as Lucius Malfoy and has nothing but contempt for showy people like Lockhart. Petunia is also very domestic. I like the idea of her cooking and humming to herself while Snape brews his potions.

- they both suffered a lot in their youth and I just wish both of them could be happy as adults. They’re two of the most bitter, regretful characters in the series and I’m a sucker for shipping two bitter assholes together and seeing them bring each other joy lol

- They both found James Potter to be arrogant and off-putting and nothing brings two people together like the hatred of a third party.

- Again, I like how it’s easy to imagine them in a secure, happy, domestic partnership or in a really fucked up torrid affair. There’s not a huge amount of fanfic about these two but of the ones I’ve found, writers usually create either something really romantic between them, where they come together and are special to each other, or something really toxic that makes for a terrible relationship but very fun reading

- Pride & Prejudice/ “the folly of first impressions” - if you like this sort of thing, well then, you can see how this ship is appealing I’m sure

- I love it when two characters seem like opposites on the surface (Snape is greasy, unkempt, a wizard, has dark hair and dark eyes, meanwhile Petunia is neat, clean, a muggle, has blonde hair and blue eyes) but are actually really similar (both of them are precise, have a lot of pride, hurt the ones they love in order to protect their own egos, seem to love the home and the hearth, take pride in their work, have a complicated relationship with Lily, Petunia feels she’s not as good as Lily, Severus feels like he’s not good enough for Lily, are spiteful, in the DH memory scenes, they are both shown to spy and snoop around a lot, they grew up in the same town, etc)

- I love Snape and Lily as friends but I have never been a snily shipper. I don’t see them as compatible in that way. Also, I’m personally not a fan of friends -to -lovers, give me enemies-to-friends-to-lovers over the former any day.

- If any atla fans are reading this - I ship Zutara, not Kataang, so this might explain a lot as well.

- the potential Snape and Petunia romance just has so many classic elements. the folly of first impressions/ pride & prejudice thing mentioned above, two misunderstood people coming together, or two people who misunderstand each other at first then come together later, the romeo and juliet potential because of the war, etc.

- They remind me of Xellos and Filia from the anime Slayers, which was the first enemies-to-friends-to-lovers ship I really fell in love with, and they even physically resemble these two as well. Filia is a prim and proper blonde, always drinking tea and acting self-righteous. Xellos has long hair that falls into his eyes and is thought to be evil by nature yet we only see him do good in the series. Although he has a sharp tongue. This relationship is not canon either and never comes to fruition in the series but it’s heavily hinted at.

- it’s super corny and cliche but I love the whole beauty and the beast parallel, and also the hades/persephone vibe that this ship evokes

- If Petunia was a witch - she’d totally be a slytherin and I have legitimate reasons for this that have nothing to do with her being a “villain” character. Self-preservation and protecting the in-group while being cautious of outsiders are important slytherin qualities. The defensive, on-guard way Petunia acts when Snape first appears, shows her being protective of her little sister. The snobbery she exudes is reminiscent of Narcissa’s Malfoy’s snobbery, looking down on outsiders to protect or maintain the in-group basically. Petunia’s pride and the way she protects it, insisting she really didn’t want to go to Hogwarts after all, shows that self-preservation and preservation of her dignity are important to her. Pride, pride, pride! We see this in how she painstakingly tends to her home and family as well. She always wants to make a good impression and be the best.

- Nothing against Dramoine shippers but I’m not a fan of that ship. I don’t like putting the racist bully with the person he’s racist towards. Okay, so then why Snape and Petunia? Petunia can pretend to hate magic all she wants because of her jealousy but at the end of the day, she’s Lily’s sister and has magical heritage even if she’s not a witch herself. Likewise, Snape can call people with muggle parents “mudbloods” all he wants but that doesn’t change the fact that he himself has a muggle parent and literally wouldn’t exist if not for that muggle parent, as awful as he is. So, this is different to me from a pureblood supremacist and a muggleborn or muggle romance, because I don’t see either Snape or Petunia as racist, but rather, as self-loathing, and while it may not be healthy, I’m a sucker for pairing two self-loathing characters together. Also, I think character growth for both of them requires accepting the two worlds - muggle and magical- and their relation to them, and I feel like being together could keep them from going down dark paths (with Severus, Petunia can stop resenting the magical world and feel more included in it, and with Petunia, Severus can appreciate the muggle world and stop seeing every muggle as his awful father)

I can’t believe I just wrote all of this but I’m super into this ship recently and have a lot to word vomit about it. enjoy.

[sunflowerhae]

Okay👁👄👁

I’m not the mom of the group, I’m just the annoying loud one that gives too much affection to her wife, but it’s our one month anniversary of being a gc and I have literally S O MUCH affection to give🥺🥺✋

Abi

Emoji set that reminds me of her: 😊👉👈💘✨😩🤢(this one bc shes h*t, she knows what that says)

-> @earth-to-that-asian

Abi ur my favorite momma literally ever. You’re super shy, which is so cute, and u seem like,,,like? Kinda have ur life? Together? I mean who does really but youre a really good example of where one should probably be at your age. You say “I-“ literally all the time and are always secretly encouraging our bad behavior so all in all ur a great mom. You are also always sending me asks that are just you giving me love and affection and tbh they make me so happy I love you sm and I’m so glad you accepted me into this amazing gc a whole ass month ago

Grace

Emoji set that reminds me of her: 🥺✋💖✨🏳️‍🌈☁️😭💛😍💍

-> @nct127grass

Grace. Grace. GRACE. Idk when we go married, but I think it’s been like a good two weeks? You are my favorite favorite person ever and definitely my favorite Australian (don’t worry luv we don’t hold it against u). Literally I love flirting on main w you and definitely being the best example of a healthy married relationship to the youngies (and abi bc she’s the only one older than us but she’s L O N E L Y and that’s what she gets for being a he-🤢 I can’t even say it). You’re the Jeno to my Jaemin, and I love ur vibe and ur energy sm idk what the gc would be like without u. Maybe I would have left idk we ALL know how I am in gc’s (you’ve all seen the many many screenshots😔) n e ways MY WIFE I LOVE UUUU😍😍😚😍🥰😘😘🥰

Juju

Emoji set that remind me of her: 😌✋😳👀🤑🤰🏼🌞🌼🌹

-> @nanajaems0308

Juju my forever fav memory of u is the first video call we all had when u came a bit late and I accidentally called u abi and elie had to correct me and I wanted to leave the call and the gc and never show my face then and there. You had the cutest lil voice too omg 🥺🥺 I was like “juju protection squad: assembled” although I never said anything hahaha. Ok I think realistically you’re someone who I don’t interact with TOo much. Like ofc we’re friends but we’ve never had like close close talks before, that being said I think you are still literally amazing. YEp! U heard me! A M A Z I N G! I hope no one lets ur cute lil self fool them bc when u get into fights w zainoo I get ScAred like oh my god zainoo is BRAVE brave. I think ur adorable also tho and u definitely are a good friend that cares for the people u love😩🥺🥺🥺😘

Cissy

Emoji set that reminds me of her: ☁️💘🥵👁👅👁🧚🏻‍♀️👑

-> @bbjisungg

cissy you haven’t been in the gc for long, and I kinda forced you to be in it after u were my accomplice, but tbh I couldn’t have asked for a better person to commit crimes w. You were so wildling and open to everything I roped u into, and then when I forced u to join my gc full of cRaCkhEAds, u were just like “sure fam” and then boom u were in. You had to change ur pfp On Instagram and EVERYTHING. I hope u don’t regret joking our mess of a gc, bc I definitely don’t regret making u join. Idk what gc we originally knew each other from, I just remembered knowing who you were, which is why I messaged u to spy for me (bc u were the only other person who I knew in that messy messy gc that I don’t wanna talk abt) and you just like,,I’ve said it befor I’ll say it again THANK U for going w the flow if you had said you wouldn’t do it I would have cried into the gc ur NOW APART OF and elie and abi would have offered to beat ur ass and it would have been a THING but now they’re willing to beat someone’s ass for u so see it’s the cycle of life🤩 I’m drowning on and boring even myself so I wanted to say I hope we all become much much more closer w each other and that ily vv much😩✋💖✨

Zainoo

Emoji set that reminds me of her: 💅🏻🐙🍃✨🍡🔪💌💛

-> @http-stan-nct

Zainoo Imma lay it all out on the line here and say u scare me sometimes 😳✋ you have this strong personality that can sometimes be intimidating but once someone gets to know you, ur actually just a huge softy that hates bugs and wears lemon socks. And Ik it might not seem that way to you, but idk that’s just how you come off to me,,, u are married to another person named gwen, so ofc you’re already ahead in the game - you and grace seem to have it all figured out correctly - and you are just adorable when u get excited abt something and just have to let everyone know ~lemon socks~ u fighting w juju in the chat is genuinely hilarious to watch it’s free entertainment I don’t think I need Netflix anymore , and ur a comedy legend although if me saying that inflates ur ego even a lil bit then I’m out. I LOVE U😩😩😭 oh and ps STOP USING CLOWN EMOJIS TO REACT TO EVEEYTHING I SAY

Elie

Emoji set that reminds me of her: 🔪👁👄👁😭✋😳😩🔪🖤

-> @ciaojunnie

Elie ur the youngest. And yet,? U have the soul of an 80 yr old murderer😌✨ you are literally the toughest person I’ve ever met, and u genuinely scare me sometimes buT I would pay to watch u beat the ppl at ur school up. You’re the queen of the 🏳️‍🌈 scene and I wish I wish We could all protect u from all the ASSHOLES in ur life but just know that even though we’re not there irl, we are always here to listen to you and we’re all older so we can give 10/10 advice (lmao sure) (see even I laughed at that) (6.5/10 maybe!) also I love ur notes (u were making them on the call I think) ALSO the amount of times u CURSE should be ILLEGAL everytime u say s*x or *ss I literally am like “NOOOOooooOOOOO” and grace and abi encourage it which makes me 👊👊👊🤬🤬😡😡😡 at them but not for long bc they’re literally my mom and my wife so- N E WAYS I’m rambling but you I wouldn’t be surprised if you wanted a knife set for ur birthday or something which is iconic and u remind me of a younger me so keep doing u🥺🥺🥺i🥺L🥺y🥺💖

All in all you guys are the best gc I’ve ever been in and I hope we stay friends for a long time guys🥺🥺🥺🥺 I will never forget that my journey into the center of this hell pit of a gc started w a fanfiction abt jaehyuns belly button but it really set the scene for the next coming month so I’m thankful for it. I love u all, ur all eggcellent, and ur my favorite nctzens ever 😩😩😩✋✋✋💌🍃💘😳😳🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 HAPPY 1 MONTH!

[outlier-roddy]

*writes 1250 words of robot thesis*

So full disclosure, I need you all to know that this is Just My Opinion, i’m in no way claiming to be the final voice on the subject or anything.  Just my thoughts and how i address this AND im only posting it bc ppl said they would read it lol

Tw for discussion of abuse and violence bc megastar

This all started because I noticed that Mae Catt shipped megastar.  And i said to myself, hey, isn’t cyberverse like, the most unhealthy continuity to ship megastar in?? And then i was like well maybe not.  And i started thinking about it.

Cyberverse megastar is probably the best example of how megatron and starscream’s relationship works. [SPOILERS]  In the entire run of the show, starscream is always motivated by megatron in some way shape or form.  At first, he’s under megatron’s command as a seeker; then he betrays him; is killed by megatron; comes back to take his revenge against megatron for killing him; and finally comes back to take his revenge again by judging megatron and the entire universe ‘guilty’.  

Starscream and megatron’s relationship is called ‘abuse’ a lot-- i wouldn’t say that it’s like that for every case, specifically because starscream is an active member of the cause-and-effect that he and megatron have (starscream betrays megatron- megatron takes revenge against starscream- rinse and repeat).  As we know there is no such thing as ‘mutual abuse’ so it’s more likely that starscream is a participant in the dynamic rather than a passive sufferer of it.

That’s another point.  I don’t have to like starscream to acknowledge that he is a complex and interesting character with a lot of complicated moments and motivations.  Similarly, just because I like megatron doesn’t mean I can’t acknowledge that he is an angry, vengeful, brutal asshole a lot of the time, specifically in cyberverse and tfp.  These two characters clash in the ways that we’ve seen historically in tf.  Starscream is self-serving and constantly seeks to undermine megatron, and megatron responds in his own way, which is to say violence.

That’s the big point, that a lot of ppl have pointed out and that some fanfics (and even continuities) have explored.  Starscream’s ambition is to overthrow megatron and become leader of the decepticons.  But once he’s done that, what does he have left as motivation?  in the tv shows, in particular it is implied that he would be exuberant for a few years, but eventually left empty and passionless, without the drive or challenge of overthrowing megatron.  Idw did explore this a few times letting starscream be the leader (I’m thinking specifically in the issue where hot rod steals the matrix-- he was seen to be depressed and bored with megatron gone.  Post-war comic starscream I’m less familar with, but it doesn’t fit my point as well, as he never overthrew megatron and was instead allowed to be leader through different circumstances.  the megastar dynamic i’m most familar with is in the shows, so please don’t try and explain comics megastar because i literally just don’t want to know lsdkjfhbsdh)

the megastar relationship is unhealthy in these ways: starscream is megatron’s subordinate; starscream and megatron are constantly attempting to do violence to each other; starscream is shown to need megatron’s presence to function [and i don’t really agree with this one-- i think starscream should be able to be a character in his own right without constantly having to relate to megatron, but the writers rarely give us that]; and while starscream needs megatron, megatron does not need starscream.

That brings me to megarod, because a LOT of people compare it to megastar and equate it on the same level to say that it’s abuse.  That’s where i disagree, because while i understand how the relationship dynamic with megastar is unhealthy, I don’t think that the same things apply to the megarod dynamic.  In mtmte, rodimus and megatron are at the same power level (at least in title-- there is a part of me that would love to explore just how much power rodimus really had over megatron in mtmte, because you know that one phone call to optimus would have sent megatron back to be executed).  Rodimus is never shown to be in need of megatrons presence or interaction-- rodimus functioned perfectly well before megatron showed up on the ship, and rodimus functioned perfectly well after megatron was left behind in the other universe.  Megatron grows to have respect for rodimus, while he never grew to respect starscream in any continuity as far as I’m aware-- megatron saw starscream as a competent SIC, a useful subordinate, and a threat, to reduce it down.  Similarly, rodimus grew to respect and care for megatron as well, as evidenced by how they interacted at the end of the comic.  They had mutual respect, at the very least.

What a lot of people like to point out is this:

Which.  Yeah.  look, that’s a big deal, especially to rodimus.  I’m a rodimus fan before a megarod fan, and there’s no pretending that being nearly killed by megatron was traumatic to rodimus.  Hell, he even says this:

Which is totally understandable.  Rodimus is traumatized as a result of being shot, and there’s no dancing around that.  As a responsible person, it’s important for me to acknowledge that he definitely, definitely has a lot of complicated feelings about megatron, and he still has that residual trauma from being shot in the chest.  Like, damn roddy I would too.

HOWEVER.  This is where i’ll make the comparison.  Rodimus’ injury happened during wartime, under the circumstances that he was a member of the opposing army that had broken into a decepticon base, stolen something important, and happened to run into the Leader Of The Decepticons, who currently was really fucking pissed off because of a whole lot of shit and was looking to murder anyone and everyone (iirc, megatron also was a massive dick to starscream not long after the shooting roddy incident).  Rodimus was shot as a soldier, under circumstances that absolutely would not happen EXCEPT in a war.  

Megatron and starscream’s relationship does NOT need a war to exist.  Megatron and starscream would have the same dynamic if megatron were the leader of some other kind of force, or if the decepticons were currently at peace, or if the autobots were gone from the equation entirely.  Starscream would always look to overthrow megatron and megatron would retaliate-- and it can’t be explained away by the fact that it was wartime.  None of what starscream and megatron do to each other in g1, even, need a war to make sense-- starscream is power hungry and backstabs megatron.  Megatron is inconvenienced slightly but gains the upper hand back and punishes him.  God, we don’t even have to TALK about tfp megastar.  Imo, that’s the absolute worst continuity for megastar.  

However, that’s the important difference i made.  I feel morally okay shipping two characters that had one violent interaction in the past under the circumstances that it was wartime (and i mean, hell, if you use war crimes as an excuse not to ship ppl say goodbye to megop lmao), ESPECIALLY because they grow together and eventually have a different relationship entirely by the end of the media in question.  Megatron and starscream’s relationship, though, is nearly static (and yeah, that’s due a lot to the writers, as i said).  I wouldn’t feel comfortable shipping them in any context, especially a healthy one.  I mean, that’s just what I feel like, but that’s why I feel okay with megarod and not megastar.

[sclfmastery]

cw abuse mention - so im new to fandom and im curious about something. is it okay to ship toxic/abusive ships? like obviously not if one is an adult and the other is not or they're related but as anna karenina said "All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." you know? ive just seen different opinions on that so im curious.

Short answer: Do what is comfortable for you and the people you directly interact with.  Have open conversations about what each of you is comfortable with. Tag  known triggers diligently, and put especially controversial content under a read-more.  At any point in time, when someone with whom you are writing becomes uncomfortable, respect their discomfort and cease to write the content that’s upsetting them. On the other side of the coin, refrain from judging others for writing material you are uncomfortable with, and simply avoid their blog. Block if you have to.  Blocking has gotten a bad rep on social media, but it is actually a very important way to establish boundaries in a society that’s ubiquitous with instant forms of information (and social contact).  Do not feel ashamed for doing what you need to do to feel safe. 

Longer answer: This is a tough one. That’s probably why you’ve seen so many different (often strong) opinions about it, and let me disclaim that I’m no expert. I have written many toxic ships and I have written many ships that are healthy and balanced right off the bat. My end goal, however, is always healthy and balanced, with the understanding by all involved, “do not try this in real life.” 

At the core of this argument is the extent to which creative fiction may explore realms that are necessarily, and for good reason, inadvisable, even harmful and dangerous, in real life.  This of course then brings up questions of “to what extent can fiction influence reality by modeling certain cultural values?” And, therefore, “what is the creator/author/artist’s responsibility to real people consuming their work?”  As an artist and scholar by profession, I am deeply invested in analyzing media for the messages it conveys, and in the fact that art has a transformative power upon society.  There are things you just shouldn’t write about: egregious depictions of rape not responsibly and sensitively resolved, for instance.  

On the other hand, some content creators who explore deeply controversial content claim that it is therapeutic to explore their triggers from the safe distance of fiction, and that, if they tag responsibly and don’t force that content on others, who is to say that they are “forbidden” from doing so? 

It’s a complicated situation and I have come to believe that the best way to deal with it is on a case-by-case basis. Everyone has a different threshold, and every “toxic ship” you might write is a different level of toxic. A good way  to gauge this is the couple’s power dynamic. 

 For instance, I write the Doctor X the Master on this blog. To me, this is acceptable because both parties have informed consent about how toxic the partner is, and both parties have an equitable power dynamic: neither the Doctor nor the Master is stronger, or at more of an advantage, in terms of social or political privilege. They are both nonbinary and queer, both Time Lords of an elite social caste (important note: for this pairing this is not always true. Sometimes you do have to be very careful, and check both the character’s privilege and your own as a writer: for instance, if you write Thirteen x Dhawan, be aware of how she weaponized his brownness against him, which DOES matter to the human audience watching Doctor Who, as well as the character--the Master--experiencing a power dynamic imbalance, and how that is a very problematic incident that needs to be directly addressed if the relationship is to flourish).  Moreover, at different times in their complex friendship, both parties have shown a willingness to change out of love for the other: meaning there is still the possibility of healthy growth and healing.  I tag triggers diligently and always, and I make sure my writing partners are not feeling uncomfortable. 

 On the other hand, I will never write a toxic ship like Jessica Jones x Kilgrave. Why? Because he is a serial rapist with no remorse who shows no signs of repentance.  Because Jessica is his serial victim, and because she is a woman and he is a cis man. Because he literally has the power of mind control and she isn’t, until the very end of the first season, immune.  Right there we have an inequitable power dynamic that really can never be resolved, and probably shouldn’t, because pardoning the man of crimes so real and so severe to millions of survivors worldwide is just not something it’s worth it to do for a fun writing hobby.

Another example of a toxic ship I’d never write: a historical slave owner x a slave. Like, Thomas Jefferson x Sally Hemings (yes, people actually do this. believe it or not).  Not a good idea to try to render sympathetic and romantic a figure who participated in and benefited economically from the trafficking and abuse of human beings, the effects of which are still felt by black and brown people every day.  Do I even have to say, inequitable power dynamic, based both on gender and on race?  Plus it’s dangerous from a historical, cultural narrative standpoint to romanticize the institution of racism by sugar-coating some of its most infamous practitioners (America already has done this by ascribing “Founding Father” to Jefferson, who was frankly an asshole).  In this case you’re even blurring the lines of fiction and reality because these were real people that you’re “rping.”  

Summary!  Open, considerate communication is really important. The rules are different than when you’re writing a solo fanfic. You are collaborating with another human being, who has feelings and needs.  Always consider the power dynamic of the characters: “should I” is a dynamic question with very different answers, from fictional couple to fictional couple. 

You will make mistakes. I know I have.  Don’t berate yourself too severely, just ask what you did wrong, make a note of it, and move forward better aware of what not to do.  

Folks can reblog this if it’s at all helpful! 

[queenitn]

So...I just found something that I'd written one night at like 4am a month into lockdown.

It's pretty much a very unnecessarily angry rant.

I can probably contradict half the stuff I say in it myself. It's just...kinda rude in places and when I'm thinking straight there's some parts I don't really agree with myself. It's not aimed at anybody and I'm definitely a hypocrite but I'm gonna post it anyways so go wild I guess.

So I recently took a stroll through Stucky fanfiction on ao3. For a while there I'd been avoiding it, and I'd nearly convinced myself that my mind was exaggerating the whole bottom!Bucky/top!Steve thing but yeah, I'm not.

Normally, I'd say who tops or bottoms doesn't matter. It's pretty irrelevant. But... since the majority of the fanfictions clearly prefer to write bottom!Bucky, obviously, there is some significance. Wouldn't the proportion be more equal if it truly was irrelevant?

Besides being annoying as fuck, it's also pretty interesting I guess. I have nothing else to do so I'm going to be ranting about a lot of stuff.

So, I mostly try to look for bottom!Steve, right? Because that's what I like. I read a bottom!Steve fic, then I say, "Hmm, this author seems to like bottom!Steve, maybe they've written more?" I go check, and I find...mostly bottom!Bucky, with maybe one or two more bottom!Steve.

It's fine the first few times, but after a while it's honestly weird. Clearly, a lot of very good authors have no problem writing bottom!Steve. They just happen to write more bottom!Bucky. As far as I can tell, that's pretty much the common trend. But why? What exactly does one think while starting a new fic, going all, "Hmm...I think...this time.... we're gonna have bottom!Bucky again." Again and again and again until it's most times.

Why is bottom!Steve so fetishized? I don't mean the fics that actually have a dom/sub element. I mean just pure bottom!Steve itself. Why does it have to be some sort of rarity?

As far as I know, there's...really nothing in canon indicating who would likely top or bottom. (I mean yeah, I do believe that canon Bucky is more likely to want to dom than canon Steve, but that's different.)

So, what is it?

Sure, Steve is taller, has a deeper voice, more muscle, a beard....but those are just physical things. They don't actually have anything to do with taking or giving.

Besides, he used to be small before. Is that what this is about? Previously tiny man likes to be in control? Likes to...what? Prove he's a manlier man? Bullshit. Besides the fact that it's bullshit, it also doesn't seem to fit with canon Steve.

The "Sometimes I think you like getting punched" and the "And you've got nothing to prove" make me think that his proving himself had less to do with showing his dominance and more to do with showing his endurance. I'd say bottoming is exactly what he'd want to do.

Besides, wasn't that exactly what made his relationship with Bucky special? The fact that he didn't have to "prove himself" in any way? Bucky already knew his worth.

Is it because Steve likes to give orders? Some sort of "Oh, this guy was always meant to be the leader"? Well, there's a huge difference between being a leader, giving orders in a battlefield...and giving orders in the bedroom. And I'm pretty sure top/bottom preferences would be completely unrelated to who's the boss at work.

But nevermind that, as far as I can tell, sure Steve gives orders, but he also looks to the people he trusts for guidance. The best example is Nat. The thing that makes their friendship so goddamm precious is partly in the way he always glances at her for confirmation before making a decision. Isn't Bucky sort of like an Ultimate Nat with sex benefits?

Nevermind that too. Steve bossing people around is great, but that's not the point, is it? The point is does he enjoy it? I think, the only movie where he did look like he relished his power was TFA. I'm pretty confident that's because of the novelty of his new strength partially, and partially also because of the rush caused by his back to back successes. Why? Because he never seems to take that kind of enjoyment again. As opposed to...maybe Sam? The guy who gets his literal wings back after (presumably) years and lets out a whoop after being chased by the missile thingies. Sam's joy doesn't wear off. Steve's does.

Is it just me, or has this skew towards bottom!Bucky actually increased over the years? Why? I can say a few things on this.

First, maybe people need to remember a bit more that Sebastian Stan is not Bucky Barnes. Chris Evans is not Steve Rogers. And Steve Rogers is not Captain America.

No matter what you think about the actors, the characters they play are separate. Please.

Second, there is a very interesting theory that exists which says that the reason why Bucky is so popular in the fandom is because his character arc is relatable to women and the queer community in the fact that it's about him regaining his stolen agency. Which is true.

Does this have anything to do with him bottoming though? I mean, I don't know. Fanfictions are important because they allow us to explore ourselves, whether it's our sexuality or our trauma that we're trying to figure out. In that way, it makes sense that maybe we will tend to write Bucky as a bottom more often. Except no.

Partly because, having had bad experiences at a young age myself, and being queer myself, I do not relate to Bucky. And hypothetically speaking, I would totally bottom for Peggy or Bucky, but I would rail the absolute shit out of Steve. I canNOT be the only one.

Partly also because yeah, a lot of fanfiction is projection, which is good for the soul, both yours and mine, but not to the point where we create a fanon version of the character completely different from the canon one. Yeah, you could say that canon doesn't really give us much of a character, but clearly they give us something and we have to build up on that right? It's true for both Bucky and Steve. Bucky barely has lines, but his actions speak enough. There's an absolutely breathtaking character waiting for you in canon if you really want to look. As for Steve, let me just say, sass and the tiniest little hints of PTSD do not make a whole character. Marvel fucked it up, but this goes for the fandom too (this is keeping in mind that Steve technically has three movies dedicated to him and Bucky doesn't)

Stop treating Steve like your personal punching bag, Stucky fandom.

It does happen, if we project our bad experiences on Bucky, Steve often naturally fills the role of the clueless/mildly asshole-ish love interest. Not too much of an asshole though, clearly you love him.

That's fine. Fanfiction is about self expression, but should we lose sight of the canon characters that we loved so much in the first place? And isn't fanfiction just as much about exploring those characters, as objectively as we possibly can?

Another thing related to that...why do we only have to identify with one character? I don't know how to put this, but there's a thing called halo effect and I think that's kind of what happens (I'm not a psychologist).

You see something in Bucky. And then you start to attribute more and more things to him that may or may not actually exist. Like yeah, he's fullfilling the traditional love interest role in Steve's movies, but that doesn't automatically mean he's a bottom. The two things are... actually entirely unrelated. They're only related in your mind. And similar to that, when we see one thing in a character that we identify with, we kind of want to see even more things in them we identify with, but it doesn't have to be like that. That's not how any person works, and it's not how any fully developed character works. You can relate to both the characters in different ways, no need to dump it all in one.

Ok, another thing, that I don't like to think about but it's occured to me and I don't like it. So, Steve is generally coded as a bisexual, right? And Bucky is coded as gay. Look yourself in the eye in the mirror and think about whether you're unconsciously assuming that the bi guy isn't going to want to bottom. I'm a bisexual woman, I will top Steve. I kind of resent this.

Going off on another tangent, I have also delved into Stony on my quest for bottom!Steve. Pretty sure there's even less of that there. Why??? That's crazy.

Normally, I'm pretty sure Tony would be coded as the top. He's much older, richer. He clearly has control issues. That's one of his defining features. Control. (I don't mean that in a bad way.) So....what exactly do Bucky and Tony have in common besides dark hair and short hight? The only thing I could come up with was thotiness. They're both shown as Thots. Is that it? The Thot Bottoms? Ok.

Is it the whole energy thing? "Bucky has bottom energy"? Does he? Can you argue with me if I say that TFA Steve has bratty bottom energy? That TFA Bucky goes from service top energy to mean top energy? Pretty sure that's subjective. But what exactly are we seeing differently here? I'm honestly asking.

Bucky's character is ridiculously strong, stronger than Steve in some ways (besides probably physically). Specifically, it's because of his ability to not only survive, but heal. Can we acknowledge how crazy that is? He's just fucking buying plums, but that's still more than we've ever seen Steve do. You can say his trauma is greater, but it looks like his coping ability is greater too. So is that what this is? Steve doesn't cope. Instead he focuses on external things like being Cap, Hydra, Bucky. I wouldn't call that a healthy way of living...but it's romantic, right? Neglecting to take care of yourself? No, actually avoiding taking care of yourself by focusing entirely on another person? Is that it? We're romanticizing unhealthy behaviour?

Is it because you feel more for Bucky, wearing his hurt on his sleave, versus Steve who wears it hidden under his skin?

Am I allowed to believe that Steve's ultimate shield isn't the vibranium one, but Captain America himself?

That's just me getting off track and mildly pissy but the point stands. We like seeing Steve in control. He wears it well. He's good at it. But that's just not that relevant. You don't just boss poeple around in the bedroom because you're good at it, you have to want it too. Would he want it? Is a commanding voice really an indicator of a person's desire to command? Can we really say because he's usually the one giving orders (because that's his actual job), that he likes it too? Does he look like he especially likes it? No.

I've been around fandoms long enough to know that all fandoms always have a preference regarding who ultimately tops or bottoms. This isn't the first time it's bugged me, but it feels more this time because I just don't see it. And it makes me angry because it contradicts what I feel, are the best parts of the characters. No, Bucky bottoming isn't the contradiction..but all this that I wrote, the connotations of this kind of coding, the underlying thoughts.... some of it is just not nice, but some of it opposes the little things that humanize these characters. It wouldn't matter, except that it wouldn't have happened at all if it didn't matter.

It's not just what happens to them in canon that matters so much. It's also what they choose to do for themselves when they have the chance. It feels like they made their choices and half the fandom ignored it. "Nah man, you'll look better at the bottom. Look at that hair."

Because ultimately, that's what it feels like to me. A mixture of not thinking too much about it (though I know this post probably counts as overthinking), some wierd internalised heteronormativity, and I don't know what just kind of fucks with all of us. All I know is that I hate it. I hate it.

It's not the bottom!Bucky I hate, it's the underlying, unthinking assumptions. The way it's a foregone conclusion. It's not. I really just want to be able to read the goddamn fanfictions again without wanting to tear my skin off.

( You can help by giving reccs)