#(no prizes for guessing who shes talking to i am one obvious bitch)

[undefeatablesin]

Being dragged by my ankles out of another artblock at breakneck speed ft. Lady Maria so have a wip lmao ✨️

[peculiarpatches]

𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑖𝑠 𝑔𝑜𝑜𝑑 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑓𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑖𝑠 𝑏𝑒𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑟 - 𝑛𝑎𝑡 𝑥 𝑏𝑢𝑐𝑘𝑦 𝑥 𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑣𝑒 𝑥 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑒𝑟

I originally wrote this for another pair within a fandom I’m in but decided to use it for these three instead!! 

So, a few notes: Bucky and Natasha are lovers in this because not going to lie, I actually really like the thought of them together..... so, if that isn’t your cup of tea, don’t like it = don’t read it :)  

That’s honestly about it, though. 

If you want to help support me and my writing, here’s a link to do so. 

(I will, once I get my own place and am settled down, will also begin to do commissions!) 

WARNINGS: this story includes  PWP. Not really a plot whatsoever. There’s fingering, anal, oral, dirty talk, uhhh... I’m not sure what else. Male on Male, Female on Female. That’s about all I can think of..... enjoy!!

Silence fills the air, other than the obvious breathing pattern of each person's  chest falling up and down. If you listened closely, however, you could hear the faucet dripping into the sink, each drop reverberating around the room like a cymbal, yet nobody hardly blinks or moves to turn it off. More than likely, nobody acknowledges it.

 Nobody other than (Y/N), of course. The sound was obnoxious and if she wasn't so scared to move a muscle, she would have gotten up by now and turned it off before attempting to bolt out the door, not wanting to deal with the fight that was, most likely, bound to explode.   It was driving her crazy  — the silence within the room, the quietness all around her. She felt as if she were choking, the hands belonging to nothing other than her anxious thoughts.  It was her and her boyfriend, Steve Rogers and his best friend, Bucky Barnes then finally, her best friend, Natasha Romanoff.   And nobody was saying a word.  And finally, when somebody did, Steve was the first one to speak.    "So... can one of you, please, just tell me what the fuck happened?"  As the question is asked, he turns to (Y/N) and Natasha,  his eyebrows knitted together, while his lips are pressed in a thin white line as he waits for an answer.  "Nat, what happened?" Bucky questioned, clearly as confused as Steve was, if not more.  "I don't know, okay? Steve, why don't you ask your girlfriend, huh? She isn't as faithful as she seems to be. She's the one who started everything." "Huh?" Steve's face paled over as he turned to look at (Y/N). "What's she on about?"  "Gee, Nat, thanks a lot. You're so great at keeping a secret... well, Nat wasn't supposed to mention it but.... well, you see-" "(Y/N) and I slept together." Natasha blurted out, a look of relief replacing the once look of fear on her face as she sighed and threw her face into her hands, murmuring apology after apology. 

Who it was directed for, nobody was sure. Most likely the statement was meant for Bucky but if (Y/N) had to take a guess, it was to everyone, herself included.  "We got slightly drunk... okay, we got trashed.....  and, uh... one thing lead to another. And Nat is right, I kissed her first but I actually didn't mean to," (Y/N) confessed. 

 "Okay, I take that back.... I did mean to do it but listen, we were drunk and she spilled half the bottle of wine on her shirt and we went to go clean her up and she took off her shirt and I  never really realized how pretty another girl was until Nat and-" "Okay, okay, spare the details, please." Bucky shook his head as he pinched the bridge of his nose. He exhaled a breath before dropping his hand down at his sides, looking over at Steve, Natasha and (Y/N). 

 "Look.... it's obvious. (Y/N), you love Steve and I know he loves you back... Nat, I know for a fact you love me, and I love you. It's alright, okay? I'm not mad. I'm not upset, either. I'm glad you actually told me the truth rather than kept it as a secret." Bucky admitted.   All three turned to Steve who looked deep in thought and once he realized everyone was staring at him, he was quick to snap out of it and come back down into reality.  "I'm not too upset about it, either. I mean... it's someone we both know, right, Buck? It wasn't a stranger. I guess that has to count for something.  I know neither of you meant to hurt us and let me just say, you didn't hurt my feelings either, baby... Neither did you, Nat.   "However.... you two acted like dirty whores therefore I think  Bucky and I need to show you who you belong to and although you might've made each other feel good, we're here now to make you feel even better. We're here to teach you a lesson." Steve's eyes sparkled with seduction while Bucky's eyes were blown and wide, as if he never expected that to happen. Which, nobody expected that to come out of Steve's mouth.  "Bucky, did you hear what I said?" Steve turns and glances at Bucky. "You do want to show Nat who she belongs to, don't you?" "I... I mean-" He stammers, face flushing a crimson before he's being talked over by Natasha. "Please? I'm all yours, only ever want to be yours.... and I-I'd like for you to show me who I belong to," Natasha  begged, giving Bucky  a pout, her eyes nearly glistening with tears as she speaks.   "Punish me, I deserve it for disobeying you."  "Shit... Okay, yeah." Bucky says, nodding his head rather rapidly.  "I.... uh.... is it okay if Steve takes the lead, though? I-I'm not quite sure what to do."  "No worries. Just do as I do but with your girl," Steve said with a smile. He then turns his attention back onto (Y/N) before gesturing her over with his index finger. 

 Like a trained puppy, (Y/N) is quick to oblige and get up from where she was sitting at and walks in front of her boyfriend. "Baby, listen, I really am sorry about all of this, I couldn't help-"  (Y/N)'s cut off due to Steve pushing her down onto the floor, her knees hitting the ground (which luckily was carpeted). 

 "I will only ever say this once, alright? Shut up." He growled, the look of seduction now growing darker in his pupils. (Y/N) had never seen him full of such hunger and fire before... she was ready to be burnt, however, if Steve was the one that sparked the first flame.   "If you'd like to regain my trust back, put that mouth to good use, hm?" 

 Undoing his belt, pulling it through the loops and unbuttoning his jeans right after he's gotten his belt off,  Steve takes his cock out which was already leaking with precum. He holds it up to his girlfriend as if his cock was a prized possession he was rewarding to her. And in a situation like this, it very well might be considered as such. "Come here, pretty girl. Take my cock, suck it like a lollipop, yeah? Give Bucky and Nat here a show." (Y/N) was quick to hollow in her cheeks and give Steve a blowjob, licking away as if his dick truly was nothing more than a lollipop from the store. 

While she gave her boyfriend a blowjob (and was trying not to gag around his wide and thick length) Natasha and Bucky were quick to strip out of their own clothes, dropping it onto the ground once they were fully embracing their birthday suits.  "You like that?" Bucky asked, grabbing ahold of Natasha's hair, making her turn to look at (Y/N) and Steve. He felt awful, at first, not wanting to be too rough with his girlfriend but the moment he had done it, a moan slipped right past her lips which.... okay, wow, he'll have to do that more often, considering she had liked it so much.   "Like to see your best friend's mouth wrapped around her boyfriend's cock? Was that mouth of hers on your pussy?" Natasha whined in response and nodded rapidly. "Uh huh, ye-yes. it was."  "Fucking filthy girl you are, Nat." Bucky pushes Natasha's face back into the couch cushions as his hand comes down in contact with her ass. "Nasty, dirty little whore couldn't wait for me, could she? You had to go and have your best friend do the dirty work you, oh so, badly were seeking." Bucky slaps Natasha's ass, once, twice, thrice. "Aw..." He cooed, his fingers dipping into Natasha's slit as he glides his digit across Natasha's  throbbing wet pussy. "My gorgeous girl.... are you getting turned on by this, huh?" Bucky chuckled huskily as he looked over at Steve and (Y/N). "What about you, Rogers? Your girl all soaked from being a bad, misbehaving bitch?" Steve, who was fucking his girlfriend's face, nods and grunts in reply. "Yeah, fuck - she is... What should our punishment be for them?" Steve questioned as he pushed (Y/N) off of his cock as he fisted his throbbing, aching dick which was just begging for a release and before either one realizes it, thick ropes of cum are being thrown all over (Y/N)'s face and being the cumslut she was, she's more than happy to lick it all up and swallow every last drop of cum that was splattered onto her face.  "I'm not sure," Bucky admitted.  "We could always fuck each other..... So, how about you and I do the same?" Steve suggested. Bucky's eyes widened, even more than they had done earlier.  There was no way he was being serious.... was he? "Steve-" "You'd look so good,"  surprisingly, it was Natasha that said this.  "You'd look so good," She repeated, sitting up a bit therefore her voice wouldn't be too muffled against the couch.

 "Taking Steve's semen in your ass.... his cum dripping down your cheeks and your thighs, please, baby? Wanna see you being fucked by Steve. If you do this, I promise I'll be a good girl from now on. I won't touch any guy or girl ever again, for that matter. Only will touch you. How about you be a good boy for Steve, hm?" "Please, Bucky..... if I had known (Y/N) and I were going to do what we did..... I would've stolen your camera and recorded us. I know you would've loved that...  would have loved seeing your girlfriend getting her pussy ate by her best friend. (Y/N) and I grinding against each other's cunts.... cumming all over each other like two, bad girls..... maybe, fuck.... if you want, we can show you two exactly it was we all did? My memory is still kind of in a haze, blurry from that night but.... I'm sure (Y/N) will help bring back those memories, won't you?" (Y/N) hardly was listening to a word Natasha had said. Truth be told, the sight of Steve being behind Bucky shouldn't be such a turn on, yet for some reason, it was. She just hoped that little fantasy of hers would become a reality.  And listen, the same thought was running in Bucky's mind.

 It shouldn't turn him on but it does and before he knows it, Bucky is making his way over to the opposite side of the couch,  pulling his pants down to his ankles and bending forward, his ass up for Steve to do whatever he wishes to do with it.     Steve actually didn't expect this scenario to happen,  - AT ALL - he can't lie and say he too wasn't a bit turned on at the way Bucky was so willingly allowing him to fuck him from behind. As Steve preps Bucky up with saliva and his fingers, Natasha and (Y/N) are sat next to each other, toying with their pussies. (The same way they had done when they slept together.) Natasha's fingers were on (Y/N)'s clit while Natasha was currently being fingered by (Y/N) who was thrusting her fingers in and out at a painfully slow pace.

     Once Steve believes Bucky is slick enough with spit and stretched open enough to put his cock in his asshole, Steve pushes the tip of his head inside, a low groan bubbling up out of his throat.

 "Oh, God."  "Fuck!" Bucky whimpered, biting down on the pillow that had been lying in front of him.  "It'll be okay, I promise." (Y/N) said like she knew the pain that he was going through. Which she did. What? Her and Steve's sex life could get pretty kinky. 

 "Listen to her, Buck.. It gets better." Natasha promises because she too knew how it felt. (Of course, she never admitted that until this very moment.)  "Listen to our girls, Buck... It's going to get better." Steve said in between groans, grabbing Bucky's hair, he thrusts in and out, all slow and at a gentle, steady pace until the pain that Bucky is feeling is replaced with pleasure rather than pain. 

 "There we go," Steve smiled, feeling Bucky practically grinding back against his cock. "You're  a good boy, aren't you, Buck?" The two fuck like horny rabbits then, Steve fucking into Bucky's tight ass while Bucky grinded down against the couch. 

 The girls, meanwhile, were whining and fingering themselves now at the view. Everyone, truly, forgot that this was supposed to be a punishment. 

 "I'm going to come, I'm going to come." Steve announced, his eyes drooping closed as he latched his bottom lip inbetween his teeth.  "Cum for me, cum for me," Bucky chanted, his words slurred together as if he were drunk. Steve, with a loud piercing wail, comes undone and releases a flood of white,  filling Bucky's ass up with his orgasm.   Bucky cums not too long after, eyelids shut and breathing heavy as he makes a mess all over himself and the floor. While the boys tried to get their breathing back under control, (Y/N) crawls over and positions herself on Steve's cock, sinking herself down on his length. (Of course, not without grabbing a nearby shirt and cleaning his cock off, as it just had been inside Bucky.) "Come here, Nat, Show me how you rode (Y/N)'s fingers last night. Ride my cock, babygirl." Natasha does the same thing as her best friend had done and with a trembling moan, she sinks down on her boyfriend's cock, throwing her head back at the sudden overwhelming sensation that makes her body wither and shake. "That's it, fuck.... Fuck yourself down onto my cock, angel. Ride my dick so good, take me in so good." Bucky praises, hands reaching up as he strokes her nipples with his thumb, making them as hard as ever as he brushes them over and over. Steve, meanwhile, was growling in (Y/N)'s eat as he thrusted up inside of her, getting her closer and closer to the reach of her orgasm.

 "Though, the visual of you eating out Natasha is hot, you are still Daddy and Daddy's only cumslut, you are mine, do you understand?"  (Y/N) nods weakly, nails digging into Steve's chest as she murmurs, 'yes, yes, yes'.  "Yes, what?" "Yes, Daddy." (Y/N) whispers, tucking her face into the crook between Steve's neck and shoulder and while biting down at his skin, she thrusts down against his swollen, eager to cum cock as she builds up her orgasm.  Everyone does their own thing until they reach their peak and cum. The girls then ease themselves off of their boyfriend's cocks, their eyes wide and their hearts thumping wildly against their chests.

 "You know.... maybe, one day, we should all do this again. The four of us, I mean." Steve turned to look at his girlfriend, a worn out smile tugging at the corner of his lips as he grinned over at her, chuckling at how exhausted she appeared to be.  "I think I like that idea too, Steve." Bucky admitted sheepishly.   "You know what they say.... one is good but four is better."   "Very well said, Barnes." "We'll have to do this again," Bucky said, echoing what Steve had said as he tried to get his breathing back under control. Steve nodded in agreement. "Yeah, without a doubt.... I know this won't be the last time we do this." He said with a seductive smile.

[navyhyuck]

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𝐒𝐈𝐆𝐍𝐄𝐃, 𝐉𝐀𝐘.

↳ a love letter a week, and it has you wondering who’s your secret admirer. you have nine weeks, eight candidates, and one story to live. will you find out who your ‘jay’ is?

a/n :: hi guys it’s finally here!! this is an introduction sorta prologue type chapter here, and i, uh, apologize for the length but anyway, please enjoy and stay tuned for more! :) update :: repost because tumblr hates me

wc :: 1.6k

taglist: @childofthecycle @takoyakkun @the8luvr @staywrites

let me know if you’d like to be added to the taglist!

“That’s the new kid? Shit—he’s kind of hot.”

You’re caught off guard by Ryujin’s confession, the usual slam of her locker faltering as you lean back on your heels, giving her a raised eyebrow. She’s not looking your way, however, her usually bored eyes watching an unfamiliar face stroll down the hallway; your best friend’s gaze isn’t the only one he’s getting. It wasn’t, especially eyeing him from the button-down shirt he has lazily tucked into his jeans to the clack on his dark shoes on the tiles—he had your mouth practically dropping open at the sight.

You’re absolutely sure, you realize as he walks out of sight—the only thing marking his past presence being the cling to his neck jewelry, that you’ve never seen someone walk through those halls with a fashion sense as exceptional as his. Though you’re shaken out of your trance by the girl next to you, a low chuckle leaves her as you blink back into the present.

“What’d I say?” She tests, wiggling her eyebrows in a way that makes you roll your eyes, turning towards your locker to open it. “He’s hot, right? Like not a jock sort of hot but more like a, oh! Like one of those anime guys that loves the girl but sort of wants to kill her, that kinda hot. You know?”

“...Right.”

“And he’s got a nice face too, don’t you think?” Ryujin adds slyly, a smirk spreading across her lips as you wince at her choice of words. “Plus he’s on the swim team apparently, at least from what I heard this morning. It’s kinda hard to believe it too, that you know, someone with better fashion sense than Han Jisung’s entered the school. And well, anyone other than Jisung is the one for me.” She ends off dramatically, leaning against the lockers with her eyes staring up at the ceiling as if they had the answers to the next calculus test on it.

The boy’s swim team, well, you could possibly call them the pride and joy of the school; from the way every bleacher is filled with a packed audience, they make a more entertaining group than the football team (which we don’t talk about, not ever since Lee Taeyong’s senior rebellion against the sophomore class for sabotaging the homecoming game). It would be a lie if you were to say you’d never gone to one of their many meets and watched them take every lap as if it was nothing on their shoulders—if anything, you give them the credit they deserve. Though it’s common for everyone to have a favorite from the team as well—from the current top (and most popular) seven—you never personally decided on one. If you had to pick, you’d be conflicted till your last day on the earth.

First, is Lee Minho, the captain of the swim team. It’s easy to tell why he’s a school favorite, considering the athletic drive he’s had since his days in elementary school and the contributions he’s made since his freshman year, but most importantly because of his spirit. The previous year, he single handedly took the team to the county championships with his skills in freestyle and backstroke—though he won first prize for freestyle—and earned the highest title yet. Because of that, the annual argument on the team captain had even been unofficially cancelled this year because of the coach’s final (and best) choice; no one had dared to say Minho didn’t deserve the role.

Next, is Bang Chan, the team’s best diver. You don’t know too much about swimming, the only facts being the ones you derived from watching countless meets beside your friends, but you’re certain you’ve never seen a diver better than him. The only other thing about him is that he has the hearts of everyone melting at any given time, the dimpled smiles he gives with every loss or win being the one that somehow channels energy each time. He’s also seen as the most optimistic, mainly for his cheesy cheers before meets actually start, and as the one with the most charisma.

After that, is Seo Changbin. If there’s one thing about him that the entire population comments on, it’s that resting bitch face he holds throughout the school day and practically anytime he’s not swimming. It seems like it changes completely when his skin touches the water, maybe it’s as magical as a mermaid, but it’s also how he manages to speed through 500 yards without a few pants of exhaust at the end. He’s always one to keep going, until past the breaking point.

Next, is Han Jisung, the team’s designated popular member. He’s Ryujin’s favorite (and it’s ridiculously obvious, regardless of how hard she attempts to hide it) as well as many others, clearly being yet another contributing factor to his popularity. But he’s not just popular for the sake of it, he’s also quite famous for his sleek backstroke. Being a dream it is to some to see Jisung swimming competitively in the evening on Friday, you’ve even seen some take advantage of the situation by taking snapshots. You don’t like to think what he might think of strangers taking pictures of him in a bathing suit, however.

After him, is Kim Seungmin. Maybe you could call him another school favorite, but he isn’t nearly as ‘famous’ as his counterpart, though you might be one to advocate for his backstroke over Jisung’s. He’s also known for his impeccable grades, rocketing higher than most of the students in the school and even placing him in the top 5% of the school. Not only is he a stellar athlete, but he’s got the A’s as well. (You can expect him to be a teacher’s favorite, too.)

Next, is Lee Felix, the team’s best individual medley swimmer. Out of everyone on the team, he’s known as the one and only to exhibit some of the best technique (he was even complimented on the local news, and your heart had almost stopped just seeing the pretty boy on your TV). He’s also on the dance team, the captain too, though he’s more well known for his skills in the water. You can guess that there are a handful that come to watch him dance as well.

Lastly, is Yang Jeongin. A junior, actually, but with a skill set much farther than of his age. He’s a bit cute as well, with a shy sort of persona that usually had people awing for him through his sophomore year, and it still hasn’t gotten out of your mind even after a year. He is, after all, a fantastic 200 yard racer, being able to snatch a medal at almost every meet.

Adding another swimmer to the team is common, but something tells you that the case of this boy walking through the halls of your school might make him a bit more than just another person joining the team. The aura he gave off, startling everyone in his way with nothing more than a simple walk down the hallway—it’s nothing, but it seems like much more than that. Perhaps, you’d even get to learn his name one day.

You snap out of your daydream with a smack from Ryujin, the girl nagging at you to hurry up; your hand grazes past the lock on your locker, filling in the combination before tugging violently at the metal until it gives away. Instinctively, you reach your hand in blindly for your books, but there’s a fluttering feeling on your arm as you glance back, confused. A neat envelope had fallen from above, probably having been stuffed into the top not too long ago, and a questioning hum leaves you.

“What’s this?” You say to yourself, mumbling underneath your breath as you turn it over in your hand, your finger tracing over the colorful washi tape placed on the borders. It’s decorated with stickers, all the way until your name is written in a bright blue. The last letter of your name branches off into a flower, one that leads all the way to the back, where there’s a stick over the flap that reads ‘open here’ in small font.

Might as well read it now.

dear y/n love,

i hope you’ve received this safely, and if you haven’t, i genuinely apologize! i’d say it’s not my wrongdoing, which of course it is, but you also have no clue who i am! hopefully. unless you saw me put this in your locker, but i really hope you didn’t. i’d be quite embarrassed if you did, so please just maybe, don’t tell anyone if you did? yeah, thank you in advance.

anyway, hi! i’ll call myself jay for the time being. hmm, just so i can stay anonymous! i wouldn’t want to reveal myself to you just yet. or hopefully, not at all, but i think i’ll eventually open up to the idea of confessing. oh, yeah, sorry i didn’t mention. i’m jay and i’m in love with you.

okay, that sounds pretty aggressive and a little arrogant but i promise i’m not!!! i just don’t have any extra letter paper to write on or else i wouldn’t even be writing the rest of this. okay, okay, i’m sorry. back to the main point. so, i guess you can call me your secret admirer or whatever, but anyway, i like you. like more than a friend, like you, but i’m too scared to tell you so therefore, here we are. expect to hear from me in the near future ;)

signed, jay

[sole-cuore-amore-e-droga]

Belgium brings their ex-vocalist back to Rotterdam 2021

Here we chop chop boys like we chop chop wood

This review space would’ve been reserved for Belarus. Unfortunately, their broadcaster was not ready to make nice, and ultimately refused to serve EBU with anything but not-even-so-thinly-veiled propaganda, so much so that EBU, after all they’ve given the time for them for to snap out of it, finally had to be like “bye bitch” (- Lizzo) with enough push from the fandom, and informed everyone that Belarus will miss this year’s contest <3

Which means that I don’t have to deal with 41, but with 39 writeups to do overall, if my timing permits! The Roop could’ve always used a little less competition, anyway /j

Speaking of The Roop’s competition, time to aim at another one of their semifinal folk with a review. Come forth, Belgium!

ARTIST & ENTRY INFO

Hooverphonic, eventhough they’re not as big of a name as Flo Rida, is the biggest act to compete in this year’s Eurovision, and even had lasted longer as a thing than Flo Rida. He barely even got his proper famous kickstart around in the 2000s. Hoover have been around at least for 5 years more than him, if “Years active” section on Wikipedia is anything to go by. And back then they were just known as Hoover, correct. Their lineup of singers has changed for quite some time, but otherwise the band since its inception is rooted in basically two men: Alex Callier and Raymond Geerts. They used to have a keyboardist too but was he a part of their glory years in 2000? No? Thought so, he’s irrelevant then. In fact, their first vocalist wasn’t even present on their first album, so they went to have another one, who did just one album with them before 2000 and left. Now I’m only constantly and consistently bringing up 2000 because that’s when they had their break out moment in relevancy - after they changed their singer once more before they found someone called Geike Arnaert - the woman you’re seeing on the MV’s thumbnail right now, and not someone certain for whom there was a public outcry for she is the only Hooverphonic component that’s not coming back from 2020 to 2021. But more on that later. I’m here to present you the break-out hit, for those who just don’t know:

I used to like to think of Hoovers as trip-hop sensations, well not in the style of Massive Attack because they have their trip-hop sound with actual hip hop thrown in, Hooverphonic’s style is that but with a tinge of symphonic.

Well, “Mad About You” wasn’t really the only hit they had, before that they got a bunch of minor and domestic hits, and their music was used for soundtracks. So it’s a little bit cheating still to think of “Mad About You” as their breakout hit, but that’s still the biggest song of the band. If I were to recommend you stuff from them that aren’t necessarily the biggest hits but still, “The Night Before” with yet another one of their vocalists is pretty good.

So when I tell you that Hooverphonic is a band of a very long career. Well some bands do survive a lot without having their lineup change for 10+ years, but Hooverphonic vocalistes come and go sometimes, and for 2020 forray, when they were first announced, they came in to that talk show studio where they were guests in with a promising little starlet Alex Callier found at The Voice Belgium (for the Flanders region) and was her mentor there, Luka Cruysberghs, as their current vocalist.

Is it just me or her and Stefania Liberakakis look like they could be cousins?

All went smooth and dandy, until Alex started spouting stuff about Eurovision the fans found not amusing, such as calling Eurovision a circus or something, later begging and pleading to medias that his statement was “lost in translation” - now I would say it happens to the best of us, like for Tornike, but deep inside I think I know Alex meant what he meant, inside or outside context. Because everything just went even more sour when everyone found out Hooverphonic were missing from the common song “Love Shine a Light” for the 2020 consolation programme in place of Eurovision, and when they were forced to explain, Alex just straight up said he didn’t like the song, so he decided to not do it. Fuck, I myself don’t adore the 1997 winning song, but I like it, and would’ve still done a piece of that song out of respect. Take it or leave it, god damn. Also they were noted to be the only people plugging in their other material in the time when Eurovision 2020 artists on the consolation programme were either saying inspirational stuff or “hope to see you soon!” or a combo of both, once again, courtesy of mostly Alex. Now I’m not saying his ego is bigger than Kirkorov’s... of fucking course not, no one has an ego bigger than Kirkorov’s. The only thing that can beat him in that regard is if someone booked Kanye West for Eurovision last minute.

Following 2021, they were very excited to jump on the “leave 2020 songs behind” train, while a few artists like VICTORIA and The Roop rallied for to keep their entries in tact if they were allowed to. And with that, in late 2020, they went ahead and celebrated the 20 years of “Mad About You” by getting rid of Luka as a vocalist and bringing back the aforementioned Geike to reprise her part. Seems pretty reasonable, but for the Eurofandom it was simply seen as a dick move, and mostly for the reason that all 2020 artists deserve a 2021 chance, even if they’re band members. What felt more dickish is that Luka was straight up told “byeeee u’re no longer our bandmate xo” on a Zoom call between band members. Like, it’s fine to be told you’re fired in person, even if still humiliating, because what’s the other better way? What’s equally worse is to be told this via email, but the email you were sent was sent like a few months ago and you only read it NOW. At least I guess that proves we know what the “sad and losing game” was that Luka asked to be released from now, heh.

Not to worry Luka-stans, as Alex will still have her, just as not the part of the band anymore. But instead give her a solo career. Yeah well we’ll see how long that lasts.

With the 2000 glory heydays lineup of Hooverphonic we have their entry be “The Wrong Place”, as the completely quite different song they promised (or didn’t) when saying that they will certainly and absolutely get rid of their old one for the 2021 if they had a choice. What they didn’t get rid of is the theme of the worse part of relationships - “Release Me” is about probably wanting to be let go of and released rather than kept by the side when it’s probably not working out. “The Wrong Place” is one of those episodes that probably happened during then - they had a house conflict, she chose to have a smoke to forget about it, the man’s after her Johnny Cash T-Shirt. Not much else to say about the song’s technicality fortunately than I’ve already said so much about the band, so how does it fare in the Hoover-lore, for me?

REVIEW

See, I would like to root for Luka ever having her chance to get to experience Eurovision if she wishes, but maybe it’s lowkey for her own benefit she wasn’t the chosen vocalist for the song, as Geike could do “Release Me”, but Luka wouldn’t be able to do “The Wrong Place”.

“The Wrong Place” is well-suited to the first vocaliste’s melancholic blend-in timbre, and a singer like Luka would sound a little too light on this with her soft-spoken sound of her voice. Besides, I don’t think she could be old enough to relate to the lyrical subject’s domestic struggle issue. Not to say 20 year olds don’t smoke and drink, it’s just that “The Wrong Place” feels a little bit too much mature enough.

Although I think that both of them could absolutely rock the music video visuals.

The song itself is very Hooverphonic. They used to do this kind of standout triphoppy sound back in the days, but as of lately they kind of grew out of the label to do more of the music that kinda sounds like movie soundtrack music. Idek the exact label I could give it to their music so move soundtrack music it is I guess. It has a decently paced structure (could’ve done without the overly repetitive ending where they repeat “you’re in the wrong place” over and over, like ffs I know where I am!!), and interesting lyrical choices. Such as “organic cup of... tea”, as in, WOW! HOOVERPHONIC HAS ENOUGH WITH THE TEABAGS FULL OF GROUND AND GRINDED TEA! THEY WILL ONLY MAKE TEA FROM PURE HERBS AND FLOWERS, AS IT WAS USED TO BE DONE! and acting like her Johnny Cash T-Shirt is the kind of prized possession her man is not allowed to wear to rub it in her face. Imagine if it was something more mundane. “Don’t you ever dare to wear my... pink polka-dot T-shirt”? Damn right it doesn’t seem to suit the mood lol.

It’s not what I exactly wanted from Hooverphonic, but probably what I subconsciously needed from them anyway, ever since they were announced for 2020. I only got into “Release Me” sometime AFTER the contest, “The Wrong Place” is a bit more instant to stand behind. So well done to them to commit to their craft.

Approval factor: I guess I do have to stamp this with my stamp of approval. It’s nice and all. Follow-up factor: “The Wrong Place” follows up as a more of a Hooverphonic discography track after the fairly average and overlookable “Release Me” (eventhough the latter has the tinge of theirs as well because it’s a more symphonic ballad, and they do have symphonic stuff on their discog afterall). As a Eurovision entry, it comes across as even better somewhat, and even slightly more standout, but that might not necessarily work in their favour. Qualification factor: And that’s because they’re absolutely stranded in the semi with too many qualification choices to name. Belgium gets to be a bit quasi-obvious, but they’ve failed with a Hooverphonic-penned song before, plus, the pop girlies of this semi are more likely to eat out a band like this alive, but I wouldn’t exactly say Belgium is doomed to fail either, because I am positive Hooverphonic will think of something. I’m just saying that shocking things can happen every now and then.

INTERNAL CORNER

Well, considering Alex Callier is not running his mouth this time as much as he did so last year’s season, I think it’s safe to say that Hooverphonic have had nothing to write home about.

No, wait...

Well I did mention that Luka got replaced as one of the events that happened to Hooverphonic’s lifetime, but thank God that Alex promised her a solo career, right? Right?

Well, apparently, we’re getting towards it.

And the first lyrics of her first solo forray post-Hooverphonic-vocalist-duties features the lyrics about possibly her making someone “regret it”. Lol now watch this song to be a karma kick into Hooverphonic’s ass if Belgium happens to not qualify this year. Luka forewarned y’all with sharp precision.

Annnnnd that’s pretty much it, besides the band jumping on the trend of turning their entries into a Festivali i Këngës 59 acoustic night European version by presenting their own acoustic version of this track. I did not have the kind of courage to link to the Azerbaijan’s “slow version” on their review in fear of overruning my post even longer than they would usually be for these reviews, but at least it moves people to a certain degree

Well, my question of the days is, does “The Wrong Place” in acoustic make you sad twerk?

ANY LAST WORDS?

Belgium’s big weakness is when it comes to stage their entries, notably for the last two years where the Eurovision actually happened. Sennek was awkwardly put in the middle and succumbed to the curse of Lucie Jones of grimmacing too much and therefore ruining her score in the process, possibly. Eliot was just simply upstaged by the decision to include big drums on stage. Alex Callier acknowledges all that sort of thing, so if anything goes absolutely right and Hooverphonic manage to make it to Rotterdam (which I think they can do because Belgium and Netherlands are neighbours lol? unless their lockdown rules get super strict in May), he should get on to mending all the flaws that Belgium had in the past for staging, and have a spectacular vision. Because it’d be sadly hilariously ironic if Hoovers miss out on the final due to the staging again. Can’t just constantly blame the vocalist - Geike would be flawless live, if Hooverphonic trusted in her for so many years. Can’t blame the song - it’s not too bad. So staging, I guess.

Good luck Hooverphonic, you’ll certainly need it. Also can RTBF consider that they could send anything else from the Wallonian music scene other than The Voice Belgique acts~

[queenjunoking]

Wolf Taming pt 37

CW: Noncon - Pain - Petplay - Drugs - Kidnapping  - Manipulation

Jude

I fought the urge to throw up when the canner kneed me in the stomach. I managed to grab her leash and pull, helping me straighten up while keeping her off balance.

“You stupid fucking mare. You ought to be fucking skinned alive, I doubt you’ll actually amount to much.” I pulled her close and smiled. “You have a long night ahead of you. How about you be a good girl an-”

A pain exploded in my head and I lost my grip on the leash. The canner headbutted me. I tried to get my bearings so I could catch her before she ran, but found the idiot managed to disorient herself as well. I watched her run diagonally down the path a bit before she fell over.

I used my foot to flip her over and sat down on her stomach. I smiled as she gasped and started to thrash to get out from under me. “I can’t wait to report this all to Eos. Z really ruined you, didn’t she?” Callidora tried to say something but the bit in her mouth muffled her speech. “Too dumb to realize you can’t talk? You’ll figure it out. Maybe. You haven’t even started your first day as a pony and you’re already acting out. You’ll soon learn there are worse things.”

She was surprised when I just got off her. I had made my point, I didn’t need to expend the extra energy. I gestured behind her. She looked skeptical, but I made sure I didn’t do anything to cause her alarm. Eventually she turned and froze. The stable hand that fucked up earlier was finally being taken down from the whipping brace. I had fun with her while I was waiting for Callidora to wake up. She had waited for a few hours in anticipation, suffered through the whipping while I milked all the fun out of it that I could, then I just left her there to think about what she did.

“You can’t say anything. You don’t need to. You’re a pony.” I took a step back until she was out of reach. “You have three options. The barn to do your run. The whipping brace to receive your punishment for what you did. Or you can try to run again and learn all about the other special roles a failure like you can fulfill. Personally I’d love to see you run, but I’ll let you make your own decision. Show me which option you want.”

I stood there and watched the gears turn in Callidora’s head. I watched her weakly struggle with her armbinder, trying to see if it was loose enough to escape without it being obvious that that was what she was doing.

She struggled to her feet, falling a few times in the process. The hoof boots took a lot of training to get used too, most of the ponies were incapable of walking without them once their training was complete. Not that I thought she’d make it through training.

Callidora watched as the stable hand was taken from the brace and carried to a small metal box and placed inside before it was locked. She turned to look at the trail leading off of the property. I’m sure safety seemed so close to someone like her. Finally she turned towards the barn and just stood there with her head hung. I slowly approached her to see if she would try and run, but she didn’t. I wrapped my hand around her leash and gave it a tug. She followed me closely back into the barn.

I couldn’t wait to see Z’s prized bitch break.

Z

I wasn't sure what I was expecting after Rhiannon was dragged out of the room. I wasn't expecting Rayne to usher people back into the room we had been in earlier.

The party just started back up. Maids came around with more plates of food. People went back to chatting. I heard a few talking about the incident. Those conversations were quiet. It was generally frowned upon to speak of someone who was probably going to lose their membership to the Society.

Rayne and Flora went back to chatting with others, moving from group to group as the party began to wind down. Normally they would say farewell to their guests as they left, but they would probably be busy by the time everyone started to leave.

It took about an hour for the enforcers to arrive. The Society’s version of a secret police force. Though enforcers tended to be more concerned with keeping the Society hidden. They primarily investigated potential leaks and captured anyone that was deemed a threat.

I had dealt with them before and our relationship was strained to say the least. Getting pulled into a van and having a bag thrown over your head isn’t a great way of starting a relationship. I watched one of them look over at me and start approaching. I couldn’t help but sigh, I had hoped I wouldn’t have to deal with this.

The woman stopped a few feet away from me and pulled out a notebook out of the small purse around her shoulder. “Greetings Miss… Z? The Torturer?” She looked up from her notebook and raised an eyebrow. I wasn’t sure what her deal was exactly. She wasn’t dressed like the rest of them, she looked like she just came from a club. A light blue tube dress and some knee high boots.

“You obviously already know who I am, can we just get to whatever questions you want to ask so I can move on with my night?” My patience was starting to wear thin.

The woman just sighed and flipped to a new page in her notebook. “My name is Seraphina. I’m with the enforcers. Blah blah blah. Moving onto the questio-”

I just decided to interrupt her. She wasn’t cutting to the chase fast enough for me. “I saw what I’m assuming literally everyone else did. The box was empty, Rhiannon had it in her bag. No, I was never in the room. No, I never saw anyone enter that room before the party moved there.”

I could hear the pencil in the woman’s hands starting to snap as I brushed her off. She took a deep breath before she continued. “And, in your opinion, do you believe Rhiannon would have committed this crime against another Society member?”

I shrugged. “Rhiannon obviously likes jewelry, she was wearing a ton of it. She’s doing her probation with a metal smith. Maybe she was just jealous she couldn’t make anything as good as that necklace.”

After a bit the woman stopped scribbling in her notebook. “Thank you for your… assistance, Miss Z. If we need anything we’ll be in touch.”

I watched her walk away. I could see part of a tattoo peeking above the dress, it was a pair of angel wings. Some members went too hard on a theme. She went and joined back with the group of enforcers, I could tell she was irritated now.

I tapped a passing maid on the shoulder and told her to bring me a soda. She scurried off as fast as she could manage without breaking into a run. I walked up the stairs so I could survey the first floor from there. Activity was slowing, but I could see that things were still happening.

“Think Rhiannon did it?” Briar’s voice pulled me out of my thoughts.

“Mm… no.” I leaned against the railing and looked over at Briar. She was casually sipping on another glass of whatever alcohol they were serving. “Who would be dumb enough too do that?”

“Rayne and Flora seem to think she’s dumb enough. The enforcer’s dragged her out of here just a few minutes ago so I’m guessing they believe it enough.” Briar shrugged and leaned against the railing with me.

“No. Rayne and Eos hate each other. Flora and Eos’s families are both very powerful in this region. Rayne and Emerald’s families are close. Emerald’s family is known for their metal smiths and Eos’s niece just happens to be doing her probation with a competitor.” I paused for a moment as the maid returned with a glass.

“I’m afraid this is all I could find. Master Rayne and Lady Flora don’t often carry soda, but a recent guest of theirs left some of this brand behind. I-I’m not sure if it’ll be to your liking, it’s rather sweet.” I watched the maid gulp as she finished her attempts at mitigating potential damage.

I shrugged and picked up the glass. “It’s fine. Whatever. Go back to whatever you were doing.” She curtsied and quickly walked away. I took a sip from the glass and grimaced. Calling it sweet was an understatement. I had no idea what kind of drink this was but it was unreasonably sweet. I could feel the start of a cavity coming on from just the first sip.

“You were saying?” Briar’s voice once again pulled me back into the conversation.

“Hm? Oh. Yeah. I can’t prove anything, but I doubt that box ever had the necklace in it.” I took another sip and just decided to put it down on the nearby table. Hopefully a maid would see it later on. They’d probably stay up all night cleaning to make sure everything in the house was back to normal by the time Flora woke up tomorrow morning.

“That’s a pretty bold claim.”

“Not really. I don’t know that much about Society politics, but we’re talking about the big families. Rayne and Emerald’s families are close friends.” I gestured towards the woman in purple who was talking to one of the enforcers. “That woman over there went off with Rayne earlier. There was a small commotion earlier when we were changing rooms where that woman bumped into Rhiannon. Emerald probably gave Rayne the necklace, Rayne gave it to that woman, and that woman slipped it into Rhiannon’s bag.”

“Shouldn’t we say something?” I couldn’t really discern the tone in Briar’s voice. It didn’t sound like judgement exactly. She was tip-toeing right now.

“Why should we?” I glanced over at her, unsure why she was even asking.

“Rhiannon is going to get punished for something she didn’t do if you’re right.” I didn’t like the territory this conversation was beginning to enter. It was beginning to feel like all those times she’d question me about things back at the auction house.

It didn't bring me pleasure that she failed her probation and would be sold off. That didn't mean I was going to help her though. By now Society enforcers had probably taken her away to be held until this incident was resolved. Most likely the resolution would involve Rhiannon being sold as a slave and erased from her family tree. No Society family would recognize the existence of someone who had become a slave.

“It’s our word against the word of Rayne, Flora, and the rest of the party of very powerful people. If you haven’t noticed, neither of us are very powerful or high ranked. Not that I particularly care anyway. I’m not here to help Eos’s family, I’m here to ask for help from Rayne and Flora. Even if I cared about Rhiannon, trying to take her side would be a great way to make sure I don’t get their assistance.”

“Rhiannon isn’t Eos.” There was a kind of condescension in her voice. One I had heard before. The sound of someone who thought they were telling you something profound that you didn’t understand, but done delicately like they were afraid you’d break.

“I’m aware.” This conversation was starting to get tedious. Briar’s way of talking to people was grating. Small attempts to get bits of information that she thought would help her come to some big fundamental understanding about who they were.

She didn’t say anymore as we stood there. The party slowly emptied and the enforcers eventually vanished. All that was left was Briar, myself, and the maids cleaning up. We stood there for about half an hour before one of the maids approached us and curtsied.

“Miss Z, Master Rayne has requested your presence.” She beckoned to me and Briar followed a long. When the maid realized she was following she stopped. “I apologize, Miss Briar, but Master Rayne was specific in her orders. Only Z.”

I could see Briar opening her mouth to protest so I held up a hand. “It’s fine. I’m not planning on doing anything rash. We’re just talking.”

She looked at me for a bit before sighing and leaning against the rail again. “Fine. We’ll talk later.”

I followed the maid up two floors and down a hall. I ignored Flora’s art, I didn’t want to spend energy thinking about it. Today had been a very long day and I was running low on energy. It all had to be spent on this conversation.

We eventually reached a set of double doors at the end of a hallway with two maids standing in front of it. When they noticed us walking towards them they knocked on the doors, each grabbed a handle and opened them for us.

Saying the room was grand was an understatement. Though to someone who wasn’t Rayne or Flora I would probably describe it as gaudy. It was like the boutique lounge Flora and I were in earlier, but bright and crystal. It was tasteless and monotone. There was a bar area with bottles and glasses made out of crystal. A huge crystal chandelier hung from the ceiling. Sitting on a couch under it was Rayne and Flora.

“Please, Z, sit down.” Flora smiled at me and gestured to the couch in front of them. I acquiesced and sat down across from them. I looked from Flora, to Rayne and back again. I wanted to see what they’d first, starting the conversation could end badly for me.

"Well, it's been a nice enough evening." Rayne put her arm around Flora and pulled her tight. "A branch of the Rosalind family has been clipped. I doubt Eos will put any real effort into getting her back, it'll just make her look bad when she fails. Either way she'll be jailed for a while before anything happens to her.”

"How unfortunate for the Rosalinds." I was running out of energy to play nice with. I just wanted to cut to the chase.

Rayne smirked at me. "Come on, Z. Surely seeing Eos's sister fail so spectacularly must make you feel better."

“Rhiannon isn’t involved with my issue. I don’t care what happens to her. My problem is with Eos and what she did.” I turned to Flora, trying to get the conversation on track. “Lady Flora, you said you were interested in hearing more about Sasha and my problem with Eos earlier, would you still like to hear more?”

“My darling Z.” Flora began as she laid her head against Rayne’s shoulder. “Rayne has informed me of your problems and I wish to help you. Eos’s niece has been arrested and taken away. Any friendliness between us is gone for a while. I never really cared much for Eos anyway. My lovely raindrop has told me that she has something planned to help you out, but has kept me in the dark about it.”

Rayne smiled and snapped her fingers, never taking her eyes off me. After a few moments a woman in a blue suit walked in. It was a professional look, not the look of someone who had come for Flora’s party. “This is Molly. She has written a contract for us.”

“What do we need a contract for?” Skepticism started to rise within me. She said she was going to help me. Why wasn’t she just going to help me?

“Z, the contract is to assure I’ll help you.” Rayne pulled my emblem out of her pocket and held it up so we could all see it before she tossed it to me. “You have completed your obligation to me, you can have your emblem back. Now we’re back at square one.”

I picked my emblem up off the table and went to put it in my pocket before I remembered I was wearing the dress. I sighed and put it back down. “So what now?”

“If I may, Master Rayne?” Molly piped up, her voice virtually monotone.

“You may.” Flora answered excitedly, literally on the edge of her seat. I’d never seen someone excited over a contract before.

“Miss Z.” Molly approached me and placed a small stack of papers on the table. “My group and I are experts on Society rules. We know how to get your slave back.”

My heart skipped a beat. “You do? Then why aren’t you doing it?”

Molly hesitated for a moment before she continued. “Our services aren’t cheap. Master Rayne has offered to pay for it if you fulfill the contract.”

Rayne smirked at me and laid back on the couch. I looked at her and then back to Molly. “And the terms?”

“Oh, Z. The terms are lovely. They’re a second birthday present for my lovely lilac.” Rayne raised Flora’s hand and gave it a kiss.

“Really? Another gift?” Flora’s excitement was obvious.

“Nothing too good for you.” She hooked a finger under Flora’s chin and tilted her head upwards so she could kiss her. It took all my restraint not to interrupt them. Once they parted Rayne turned her attention back to me. “The terms are simple. I’ve always wondered if a breaker can take what they give. If you sign the contract I pay to get your dog back. They start tomorrow morning. You’ll also start tomorrow morning. You’ll be taken to a chamber below the house and be subjected to the breaker or breakers of my choice. The process will end when Molly’s team reclaims your dog.”

The number of questions I had were a tornado ripping through my mind. I carefully tried to choose the ones that mattered most. “How do I know you’ll actually be trying to get her back and not purposefully extending the time?”

“My group’s reputation is on the line, Miss Z. As per the contract you can only be subjected to the breaking progress while we are working. The longer we take the worse we look. You will start at 8 in the morning. You will be given a one hour break at noon until one. At five at night they cannot do anything more to you, but they have the choice of how to store you. They aren’t under obligation to give you a room to stay in.”

“So they’ll probably be leaving me in some cell.” I took a deep breath and chose my next question. “The breaking process is supposed to break one’s spirit so they’ll be a compliant slave. Some of these processes can be quite damaging. What will happen to me at the end of this?”

“Oh Z, you can tap out at any time.” Rayne had the smile of a predator. She knew she had my attention and was going to savor everything she said. “You are a member. If you tap out two things will happen. We will still pay Molly’s team and your dog will be retrieved. However her ownership will be transferred to someone else of your choosing and you will renounce your membership and belong to us.”

“Excuse me!?” A voice came from the hall. Molly had left the door open behind her and Briar stood in the doorway.

“Raindrop you will have to punish one of the maids for not being around to close the door.” Flora frowned and looked up at Rayne. “Spoilsports seem to wander in if we leave the door open.”

“You can’t just give up your membership like that! You can’t own members! It’s against our rules!” Briar looked livid. She was ignoring me, all of her attention was on Rayne.

“Actually, Miss Briar.” Molly turned to Briar. “Members of Z’s rank can have their membership revoked. It is rare, but possible. If she signs the contract and taps out the fact that she signed it in the first place is argument enough that she shouldn’t be a member. Plus Rayne was one of those who supported Z for membership over slavery in the first place. Losing Rayne’s endorsement while she is agreeing to contracts like these doesn’t help her case. The contract is more of a formality in this sense.”

“You can do anything you want to someone being broken! T-these terms aren’t fair!” I picked up the contract and started to read through it as Briar tried to fight back against Molly.

“On the contrary, Miss Briar.” Molly pushed her glasses up and shuffled through some of the papers in her arms. “If you hadn’t interrupted me I would have continued explaining the contract. It states that options that would permanently maim or kill her are off the table. That includes things like burning, branding, high voltage shocks and the like. Arguably we aren’t even allowed to use Z’s own methods as she was fond of using ice cold enemas to deliver harsh crampings and pain. Water of that temperature can seriously injure someone.”

Briar was about to speak up again when I tossed the contract back on the table. “Signed. Pay Molly and we’ll start tomorrow.”

“No!” Briar snatched the contract off the table before Rayne could pick it up. “No one watched you do it, you need an actual witness.”

“Miss Briar, Z said out loud to all of us that she signed it.” Molly interjected, her monotoned droning never wavering.

“Also, Flora was watching.” I gestured to Flora. Briar looked at her and Flora gave her a small, smarmy wave.

“I…” Briar sounded defeated. She was silent for a moment before she turned to Molly. “I refuse to leave her alone. I demand to be allowed to stay while this happens.”

“Fine, fine, whatever.” Flora interjected before turning to Rayne. “As fun as this idea is, raindrop, how is this my present?”

“Oh my sweet sunflower.” Rayne raised Flora’s hand and kissed it once again. “I wracked my brain for weeks trying to think of the perfect present for you. You loved Z’s work, don’t you?”

“Her work is quite lovely. I’ve never had a canvas quite as nice as the ones that she made.”

“You have quite the collection of her work. So I thought to myself, maybe I could have her make more. But as much as I wanted you to have those canvases, it wasn’t quite the right answer. Then it hit me. You don’t get an artist to just infinitely create more art. It devalues the work.” She looked over at me with the predator smile once again, her teeth gleaming.

“No. The greatest piece you can add to a collection is the artist themself”.

[therucrap]

Holler at me I know you know me! Holler at me I know you know me! Welcome back to another RuCrap!

Our feisty test subjects hobble into the Werk Room after Kahmora’s emotional elimination and Kandy immediately seizes the opportunity to pull the wig off the elephantt with two T’s in the room by quipping that Elliott should have been in the bottom two instead of Denali. It’s an OMG-did-she-just-say-that observation that others obviously agree with but weren’t comfortable enough to blurt out as not to offend and divide but luckily for us Kandy isn’t tethered to such strict limitations of social etiquette and, to the benefit of the show, doesn’t mind sending a jolt through the group every now and then. Kandy also claims that Symone is her biggest competition and Tamisha immediately pipes up to say that Kandy is arrogant because of her initial placement in the A Team and that she hasn’t seen enough of Porkchop’s junior varsity squad to count them out. They exchange words but before it’s resolved the queens de-drag and save this one for another day.

Say what you will about Kandy, and the internet definitely has, but the show is all the more watchable because of her unabashed gumption and of the show’s few lightening rod contestants she best serves as the proxy for the audience. Tina’s perpetual meddling in other peoples’ business feels like producer-prompted pot-stirring and Tamisha comes from a motherly place of I-take-no-shit that keeps the kids in line but it’s Kandy’s uncanny ability to watch from the outside in and impolitely state the obvious that steers the plot forward and encourages necessary conversation like the messy Magellan she is, no matter how chaotic her map. Is she perfect? No. Is she self-aware? Ish. But does she light the right fires on a show that is already overflowing with couture gowns, pristine hair, and glossy production value that needs that sharp pinch on the ass to really seal the deal entertainment-wise? Yes ma’am Pam.

The next day our ruffled queens arrive for their latest fever dream of a mini-challenge which is twerking while dressed as babies because Toddlers in Tiaras has been off the air for far too long and we deserve this as a society. Lala Ri is determined to be the twerkiest baby, an honor that is perhaps greater than any prize but still she’s been rewarded with $2,500 worth of Fierce Drag Jewels. Wahwah indeed.

Ru introduces the Bag Ball which will require a punny look with bag in the title, a boss bitch look, and a look made out of various bags that have been dumped in the Werk Room. The queens get to ripping, glueing, and sewing the sleeping bags, dollar store gift bags, and Santee Alley purses and we learn that Lala is technically American icon and legend Tamisha Iman’s drag daughter because she put her in drag the first time. We also learn that Lala can’t sew but that shouldn’t be a problem because there’s plenty of hot glue and she’s thankfully chosen about 12 small pink and purple gift bags to make an entire dress out of so that’s surely going to result in an elegant couture gown, right?

Ru-na Wintour enters to check in with the queens (read: encourages them to doubt themselves even though they’re already half way through creating their looks and pepper in a healthy amount of her new signature 45 second fake scream laugh that the queens dutifully chuckle and nod along to despite the fact that it appears seemingly without prompt) and surprises them with a video from the awkward executive director of Coach who introduces a new element to the challenge with the charisma of a hostage video. He informs our amateur seamstresses that they’ll also be required to decorate a new and particularly clunky Coach clutch the size of a goddamn shoe box with their DIY outfits which is unfortunate because having to Frankenstein together these looks is hard enough but having to make this hideous bag fashionable is truly a burden. While the queens paint, Kandy takes a moment to flirt with Joey who she thinks is cute but has horrible taste in fashion which... boys... am I right ladies? The subject turns to Black Lives Matter and Lala breaks down into tears sharing the story of Rayshard Brooks who was tragically murdered by police at the Wendy’s she goes to every day, a pointless incident which she can barely even talk about through sobs considering how close it hits home and of which could have happened to her. It’s a doozy but it does provide a welcome glimpse into Lala’s world that we haven’t previously seen.

It’s runway time and the bubbly Nicole Byer joins the judges once again for this whopping 36-look super-challenge which really allows Rosé, Utica, Symone, and GottMik to show off their fashion prowess. My personal favorite is Utica’s expertly tailored sleeping bag dress but Mik bags the win and the judges come down hardest on the questionable fashion decisions of the aesthetically confused Joey, surprisingly plain Tamisha, and Lala whose truly baffling hot glued pink and purple gift bag incident looks more like a scrapbook mishap than an outfit and is noted as maybe the worst look in the show’s 13 year history. Lala and Joey face off to Iggy Azalea’s seminal homosexual ear worm Fancy and Lala’s paper bag situation immediately collapses and disintegrates but her high-energy dance and disarming smile elicits giggles from the judges while a more stoic and technical Joey dances her ass off. Lala knows how ridiculous this looks and can still make light of it which turns around her bleak situation and in the end she shockingly charms her way into a win but is told to step her pussy up and the lovable Joey Jay is sent packing her bags! I don’t know if I necessarily agree this time but this elimination is a good example of how the judges reward gumption and showmanship over technicality and I guess that’s just how the bag crumbles!

Join us next week for another RuCrap and please share and like!

[imagine-loki]

Ella

TITLE: Ella

CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: One-shot

AUTHOR: breemaggs

ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Odin throwing a ball, inviting all the young ladies of the realm to come to be chosen by Loki to be his future wife. (a bit like in Cinderella I guess?) Loki despises the idea, knowing all the women won't be interested in him, but just in the related power and wealth ... And to prove it, he tricks Odin by projecting an image of himself during the ball ( ...refusing every dance and every contact for obvious reasons...) while he disguises his true self in an ordinary ( but still handsome) young man. He tries to see if any of the girls would be interested in him for his personality instead of the possible power of match with the prince of Asgard. (Click to read the full imagine!)

RATING: M

NOTES/WARNINGS: Rated for language. This is very much AU. I tweaked the imagine a bit to fit the muse’s demands. Enjoy!

“...a ball the likes of which the Kingdom of Asgard has never seen!”

Loki rolled his eyes, not even bothering to hide his annoyance at this point. Such grandeur was right up Odin’s alley, but he found it in poor taste. And the reason for the ball? Simply archaic; Odin wanted to marry off his last prince and he figured that packing the castle chuck full of Asgardian noblewomen ought to be the perfect way to do it.

But Loki knew better than to kick up a fuss. It would only make Odin enjoy the entire process more. So he stayed silent, limiting his protestations to body language only. But it was difficult; he had to bite down on his tongue more than once to stay quiet and just let him carry on.

All he could think of was how dreadful it was going to be. Daughters of important dignitaries and nobles... He suppressed a shudder. The daughters were bad enough on their own, but the prize at stake was going to make them absolutely crazy. He could almost hear them simpering about how much they adored him and wanted to forever be in his favor. And the mothers... Fuck, best not to think about the desperate mamas seeking a match for their babies.

His only saving grace was his mother. Frigga kept casting concerned glances at her youngest son when the King wasn’t looking. He took comfort in the fact that his mother was on his side. She had always been on his side, even if it was often only in secret. And while she couldn’t completely keep the atrocity from actually occurring, she could keep it relatively under control.

It would have to be enough.

xoxoxo xoxoxo

Well, it wasn’t a complete atrocity, Loki thought as he looked across the ballroom from his hiding place. It was going well. Or at least, that’s what Odin must have thought as he watched Loki’s illusion interact with the silly debutantes. He was careful to keep his projection from touching anyone. It wasn’t difficult; he’d been playing with illusions since he was a child and he’d damn near perfected them. He didn’t even have to babysit them anymore.

It helped that his mother was running interference. He was sure that she knew it wasn’t really him on the floor. She was waving off the formal greetings for all the women who were trying so hard to even graze against him. He loved her all the more for it.

And he was having his own fun, proving his personal theory correct. He knew none of these women wanted him for who he was. He wasn’t stupid and neither were they. Love matches were exceedingly rare. These women were out for blood; they wanted to align their families with royalty. They wanted the endless pampering and wealth that came from a marriage to a prince.

So he’d cast a glamor over himself, creating a new identity. No one paid him any mind, just as he had expected. It was fun to experiment, though. No one was interested in anyone but the prince. Woman after woman had turned down his deep bows and offers of a dance. He’d taken it well enough, but a hint of annoyance was beginning to creep in.

Fucking nobles. They were all the same. Money hungry and utterly ruthless in their attempts to better themselves.

Deciding he’d seen enough for the moment, he headed towards the library, shedding his glamor as he did so. There would be no need for a disguise in his favorite hiding place. It was his sanctuary. It was where he went when he needed space to breathe.

And he definitely needed some space to breathe tonight. He loosened his collar and let out a long sigh as he approached the closed doors. He threw them open and was well on his way to his favorite nook when he realized that he wasn’t the only person in the room.

He stared in shock as the loveliest woman he’d ever seen, scrambled to pick herself up off the floor from where she’d been sprawled out reading. She had auburn curls that were escaping their pins, sending her hair into disarray around her heart shaped face. Her green eyes were a bright contrast to her perfectly tanned skin and they were pleading with him as she looked up at him.

“Shit! No, um.” She fumbled for words. “Fuck. I’m sorry. I’ll go, okay? Please, please don’t tell His Highness that I was trespassing!”

At that, he laughed, charmed by her mouth and the way her lips shaped her filthy words. “I promise you that I will not tell on you, my little trespasser. Your secret is safe with me.”

She gave an audible sigh of relief and her shoulders sagged with it.

“I am curious, though. Why is it you are in here and not out there-“

“Oh, please. Those blathering idiots.” She rolled her eyes. “I wouldn’t be caught dead vying for the hand of a prince. The only reason I accepted the invitation was to see the library.”

He cocked a brow, but let her continue as he watched her eyes sparkle with enthusiasm.

“This library is the stuff of legends. Noble women aren’t encouraged to read or, in all honesty, have much of a brain. My father thought that was stupid and made sure that I had the best private tutors and teachers.” She trailed a hand down the spines of the books on the shelf closest to her, her eyes faraway and a small frown forming on those damnable lips. “But that all changed when he passed away. My stepmother didn’t agree with him. She thought he was indulging me and filling my head with nonsense.”

He opened his mouth, but he didn’t know what to say. She turned towards him and gave him a grin.

“She’d shit her pants if she knew I was wasting this opportunity in the Royal Library.”

He laughed again and was rewarded with a true smile from her. She stepped away from the shelves and put her hands on the desk in between them, leaning forward just enough that he could see the barest hint of cleavage. But he was raised a gentleman and yanked his eyes away from temptation and met her amused ones. She graced him with a smirk as if to say that she knew exactly where his thoughts had gone.

“So, what about you? Why are you hiding in the library when there’s such a wonderful party going on? Too much competition from the prince, huh?”

It was at that moment that he realized she had no idea who he was. She didn’t know he was the prince. She thought he was just another guest in attendance. And that filled him with relief. Finally. Someone who wasn’t after him just for his title. Someone who could hold an intelligent conversation.

“Something like that,” he affirmed with a shrug, pulling out the seat in front of him and sitting down at the desk.

She took the hint and pulled the chair on the other side so that they were sitting across from each other. “I can’t imagine you having trouble finding a date,” she admitted, propping her elbows on the desk and cradling her face in her hands.

He smirked. “I find that their company is extremely lacking,” he confessed.

It was her turn to laugh and he immediately loved the sound. It didn’t grate on his ears the way most women’s laughter did; he supposed the fact that her laughter wasn’t forced or faked had something to do with it.

“I can’t say I blame you,” she agreed with a soft sigh. “They’re all bitches, if you ask me.”

That. That right there. He loved that. What would she say next? He had no clue. It was a constant surprise. He had known her all of twenty minutes and he was already enchanted. She was so different from any woman he had ever known and that was so very appealing to him.

He lost track of time as they swapped stories about their childhoods and shared interests. And there were a lot of shared interests, they found as they continued talking. It wasn’t until she was yawning in front of him that he realized that it had grown late.

The clock chimed midnight and she started in front of him.

“Fuck! Is that clock right?” Before he could answer, she was up and out of her seat. “I have to go. If I don’t beat my stepmother home, my life is over. This was fun! We should do it again!”

Her last words were toss over her shoulder as she raced out of the room. He took chase, calling after her. He couldn’t lose her now. He’d only just found her.

“Wait!” How did she run so fast in those fucking heels? “I don’t even know your name!” And I never told you mine.

She looked over her shoulder, surprise written all over her face. “It’s Ella!” And mine is Loki. Prince of Asgard.

And then she was gone, tearing through the gates as if the very hounds of Hel were on her tail. At least he had a name. Ella.

Now he just had to find her. And then tell her that he was the prince.

He’d have to figure it out.

xoxoxo xoxoxo

It had been a week. A very, very long week.

He was frustrated. He was smart. He was resourceful. He was multitalented. And he had still been bested by a woman. A woman who had seemingly vanished into thin air. Ella. She’d said she’d gotten an invitation to the palace for the ball, but he couldn’t find her name on the guest list. And he’d checked it more than once.

To make matters worse, his father was insisting that he should abandon his search and marry one of the many other girls that had attended. His mother had stepped in at that point; she knew the entire story as she was the only person Loki had trusted enough to confide in. She’d urged Odin to let him find his mystery woman. Odin had reluctantly given in to his wife’s request.

Loki knew that wouldn’t be the last conversation on the matter, but for now, the subject was closed and he was free to try and find her. He poured all of his time and energy into finding her. He pulled the previous year’s census report, but because he had no surname, it wasn’t any help.

He was exhausted and beginning to lose hope. So he decided to go back to where it all started; his safe haven, his favorite place. The library. He did his best thinking in there anyway, surrounded by books that held years of knowledge.

With a heavy heart, he yanked the doors open and was, once again, shocked to find someone already using his space. His heart leapt into his throat as he took in the form of a woman patiently restocking the shelves. She slowly turned around at the sound of the door and his heart began a wild rhythm in his chest.

Ella.

She shot him one of those smirks he had so enjoyed the night they had met. “Took you long enough,” she told him, setting the rest of the books down on the desk they’d shared only a week ago.

He frowned and crossed his arms. “If I knew all I had to do was return to the library, I would have done it a week ago,” he replied crossly, trying to ignore his leaping pulse.

She laughed. “Calm down, I wasn’t trying to insult your intelligence. Your mother said you spend a lot of time in here. I thought we’d have crossed paths before now, that’s all.”

His heart dropped into his stomach and his jaw dropped ever so slightly. He swallowed. He didn’t know what to say. This was uncharted territory. He’d prepared a speech to explain to her that he was, in fact, the very prince she’d been avoiding at the ball, but apparently she already knew. And his mother was in on it.

She laughed again at the expression on his face. “It’s okay,” she said with a soft smile.

She came around the desk to stand in front of him. She used her hands to uncross his arms and tangle their fingers together. She tilted her head and studied his eyes. What she saw in them, he wasn’t sure, but he found that he couldn’t look away.

“Loki,” she breathed and he bristled.

Assuming she knew who he was and having it confirmed were two very different things. And suddenly, he was very worried that she’d just played a very elaborate game to trap him. He didn’t like that notion. He finally dropped his eyes away from hers and fought the growing hurt.

But she wasn’t going to let him off so easy. She lifted his head with gentle fingers until their eyes were locked again.

“Let me explain. A week ago, I truly didn’t know who you were,” she told them and he could see the truth in her eyes. They were shining bright with determination. She wanted him to believe her. She wanted him to know that she wasn’t lying to him. She took a deep breath and the rest of her words came tumbling out of her mouth.

“But the day after the ball... The prince was all my stepsisters could talk about. They regaled me with tales about the prince’s soft raven locks and cool eyes. They told me about how polite and wonderfully handsome he was. With every description, I found myself thinking about how very similar you and the prince sounded. And then there were the posters...” She paused to frown, drawing a finger down his smooth cheek. “Stasja got her greedy hands on one of the promotional pieces for the ball... And there you were staring at me from my dining room table.”

She visibly swallowed and closed her eyes for a moment. He reached up and swept her unruly hair out of her face. He let his hand tangle in her hair. She leaned into his touch and he felt the knot that had formed in his stomach loosen a little. Her words rang true to his ears.

“I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to see you again, but I didn’t know how. The fact that you are a prince...” She winced.

“It’s okay,” he whispered, feathering his thumb across her cheek.

She didn’t seem to believe him and continued with her explanations. “You have to understand. My father came from a very noble and old bloodline. But my stepmother is nothing more than a leech. After my father died, she began treating me like dirt beneath her feet. I had to sneak out of the house to get to the ball. That’s why I ran out of here so fast.”

If I don’t beat my stepmother home, my life is over.

“Your mother caught me trying to sneak into the palace two days ago.” She smiled. “I thought was dead. Caught by the Queen. Fuck, I thought she was going to send me straight to the dungeon. But she seemed to know who I was.”

“That sounds like mother,” he agreed.

She sighed and finally lifted her eyes to his. “I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry for jumping to conclusions.”

She shrugged. “I get it. You’re used to the bitches at court.”

He laughed and tugged her against him. She wrapped her arms around him and returned his embrace. She felt so good against him. Better than he had ever dreamed. He pulled away ever so slightly and used the hand in her hair to angle her head back. And then he took the plunge and kissed the woman who had literally run away with his heart.

She kissed him back with a ferocity that surprised him, but shouldn’t have. She knew what she wanted and she went after it. It was in her nature. And she, apparently, wanted him. She wanted him for him. Not for his title. The thought lit a fire in him and he deepened the kiss, wanting her to feel the depth of his emotions in that kiss.

She whimpered against his lips and opened her mouth, giving in to his demand. Her hands were pressed flat against his back and she used them to pull him impossibly closer. His hand in her hair tightened and tugged while his other hand squeezed her hip.

When it became clear that the kiss was getting out of control, he broke away from her. It took everything in him to keep from kissing her again when he saw her lips that were swollen and wet from his kiss.

“Why did you stop?” she asked.

“Because I would hate for someone to catch me fucking you against the bookshelves,” he murmured wickedly in her ear.

He stepped back with a grin and watched as a blush spread up her neck and to her cheeks.

“But what if that’s what I want?” she shot back at him, her eyes flashing.

He smothered her devious laughter with another kiss. She would be the death of him.

He was looking forward to it.

[takerfoxx]

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power, Season 4, Episode 1, First Impressions!

New season has FINALLY ARRIVED, which means I finally get it in front of my eyeballs! So, it’s first impressions time!

...however, since I’m watching it right after it dropped instead of being kind of late to the party like I was with the previous three, I’m gonna play it safe and seal off my thoughts under the spoiler cut. So yeah.

Anyway!

So the first part of my prediction was pretty much correct, in that it’s about Glimmer’s coronation, and she’s still really shaken up over Angella’s death (and why wouldn’t she be?) and Adora and Bow are trying to be supportive but it’s super stressful, though it did play out a bit differently. Turns out, rather than be nervous about whether or not she could fill her mother’s shoes and that everyone is looking down on her and judging her like I thought, she’s instead mega-pissed about how no one is even addressing the big THE QUEEN, WHO OH YEAH WAS MY MOM, IS SUPER DEAD! and is instead all going on and on about party arrangements and ceremonies and rituals and stupid stuff that doesn’t matter because her mom is dead and no one is even talking about it!

Bow and Adora certainly had the best of intentions, and I like how neither the show nor Glimmer made them out to be the bad guys in this despite them kind of making things worse. Glimmer’s hurting, but just not in the way they were thinking. Fortunately, in the end she got what she needed in hearing Angella’s final message to her, giving her some measure of closure and letting her accept her new position as Queen of Brightmoon and the leader of the Princess Rebellion, which is pretty much what she needed all along.

That having been said, I did kind of feel like her pain over losing her mom was resolved kind of...too neatly, I guess? I get that it’s a new season and they need to move the plot along, but even so. Still, just because she’s gotten some closure doesn’t mean that the wound is totally healed (because it never will be) and that this won’t come up again, so I’ll be keeping a close eye on her.

In other news, the other princesses were as delightful as always in their trying so hard to do things right but completely missing the point. Frosta was...kind of terrifying (poor Sea Hawk!), Mermista’s obsession with her “floral” arrangements were a hoot, and poor Perfuma really needs to get back to her hippie roots and get some meditation in while smoking some kush, because I feel that her patience for her fellow princesses is very close to running out and she’s just going to go all Poison Ivy on everyone. And jeez, someone rein Castespella in!

Though on a side note, I feel kind of bad for this, but Swift Wind continues to irk me. Yeah, I know he’s supposed to be a comic relief character, but at least the other characters were trying to do right by Glimmer in their weird, kind of egotistical ways, but he was making his thing all about him and...look, I’m sorry, but I just don’t like Swift Wind, okay?!

Also, give Netossa and Spinnerella something to do, already!

Ahem.

So, back to the bad guys’ side, that’s where things take a...fully predicted and interesting turn.

So, let’s talk about Catra.

Catra continues to be the most fascinating character in the entire show. On the one hand, she is very much an abuse victim, someone who was mistreated her entire life, who was forced to live in the shadow of her best friend, who was clearly starved for any kind of positive reinforcement but was constantly denied it, who was constantly told that she wasn’t good enough, that she was inadequate, that she was a failure, etc. It’s a terrible situation for anyone to be in, which is why her sympathetic moments play out so well.

But however, despite how she’s been treated by her so-called betters, Catra’s kind of the most competent character in the whole show. Every time she has the freedom to do things her way, she quite often comes out on top, and unless her deeply-seated issues get the better of her or some other happenstance that she couldn’t account for occurs, she tends to win. She is a master of psychological warfare and a terrific and cunning fighter, able to adapt to quickly changing situations and new environments scarily fast and get the drop on her opponents. Hell, she’s gone toe-to-toe with She-Ra and managed to hold her own just through her wits. 

And that has led her to having a rocketship strapped to her back, sending her soaring upward.

Through sort of a fluke, she was made Force Captain in Adora’s place and kicked ass. She out-thought Shadow Weaver and deposed of her, taking her power and her job. She made herself out to be the biggest threat the Rebellion has ever seen (I can’t remember the figures, but Entrapta once said that under her leadership, the Horde saw a massive leap in efficiency). When she was exiled to the Crimson Waste pretty much to die, she took it over in a day, captured Mara’s ship, took Adora’s sword, and brought it back to Hordak when he had pretty much written her off.

Point is, when she has her eye on the prize, Catra is almost unstoppable. And here we are shown what that prize is. She wants the Rebellion crushed and Etheria ready to offer up on a silver platter when Horde Prime finally arrives, as expected, though I truly doubt that has much to do with actually believing in the Horde’s right to rule and has more to do with it being because the Rebellion is where Adora and Shadow Weaver are. But regardless, it’s always been made very clear that she is in it for herself, and not out of any kind of loyalty to Hordak. I mean, after he treated her last season, why would it be? And now she has had it up to here with his constant moping despite having a distinct advantage that he’s not pressing.

So she decides to do something about it. Namely, she does to him what she did to Shadow Weaver: exploit her knowledge of his weaknesses and make him her bitch. 

Damn. I mean, we all saw it coming, but damn.

Catra’s...running the Horde now. I mean, Hordak’s probably still going to be the front, but she’s going to be the real power from now on, and that is really bad news for the good guys. And I have no doubt that that’s where Double Trouble comes in.

But anyway, as sympathetic as Catra’s story is, and as impressive as her actions have been, that doesn’t take away from the fact that she’s kind of become a really terrible person. Which is totally deliberate and the writing is great, don’t get me wrong! But she’s replaced both Shadow Weaver and Hordak, and like them, she has her own victim of her abusive behavior. 

Scorpia.

That scene honestly broke my heart, even if I saw it coming. Scorpia honestly is pretty much my favorite character. I love how she’s this big, powerful, intimidating person with a totally sweet, caring, awkward, and kind of ditzy personality. Her crush on Catra was pretty obvious from the get-go, and I loved their dynamic...for the first couple of seasons anyway. But as much as I got into the Scorptra train, it’s clear that it’s not going to work out, given how toxic Catra’s become, and Scorpia knows it, and it’s tearing her up. I am very interested in how her arc is going to turn out this season. I mean, she’s got an entire solo episode coming up, which I am very much looking forward to. But I hope that this is the catalyst that causes her to finally stand up to Catra and break away from the Horde. At the very least she doesn’t buy what Catra did to Entrapta one bit, and I love that she’s still looking after Emily. Maybe she and Hordak can team up and go to Beast Island to rescue our favorite autistic gadgeteer princess. 

But getting back to Catra, if the last season was seeing her at her lowest point, then this one will be seeing her at her highest, but on the side of evil. I predict that she’s finally going to get everything she’s convinced herself that she wants only to lose it all at the end, leading to her final arc in the final season. Now, will that be a true redemption arc like everyone is hoping for? Will Hordak redeem himself as well?

Well...probably not. 

See, I am totally on board with the two of them finally confronting the years of abuse that made them the way they were, breaking away from it, and actually becoming better people, but redemption does kind of mean making up for all the pain and damage that you’ve caused, and I’m afraid that they’re in waaaaaaaaaay too much debt to do that. 

However, they are perfectly capable of having a reformation arc. Because just because you can’t make up for what you’ve done doesn’t mean you can’t better yourself going forward.

Not Shadow Weaver though. Don’t think I didn’t notice you lurking around in that one scene. Honored guest my ass. She’s totally up to something.

[artificialqueens]

Paper Hearts (Branjie) - meggie

AN: Well, I’ve done it. I’ve gone fully Team Branjie and I. am. here. for. it.

I played with the idea of adjoining hotel rooms (be willing to suspend some beliefs) for S7 Trixya for a long time, but it just wouldn’t materialize. When applied to Branjie, though, this thing occurred. I hope you enjoy it! For now, this is all I have, but if there’s interest, I could always add to it.

This is my second submission to AQ, and my sincerest thank you to everyone who was so lovely about the first! Honestly, I haven’t written in so long, it’s just felt great to get back in the swing of things. <3

The early-evening Los Angeles sky is painted with muted blues and purples that fade into soft gold at the fringes of the mountains as Brooke steps out onto her balcony, cigarette between her lips, lighter clutched in her hand. She lights her cigarette—a habit she hates, if she’s being perfectly honest, but it’s left over from dancing, and Drag Race is stressful as hell after only two days even if she did just win the first challenge, and she honestly just needs something comfortable right now. She’ll quit (again) after she wins. Most likely. Probably.

“Ooh, that’s a nasty habit, Miss Brooke Lynn.”

The voice comes from her right and she couldn’t mistake it if she tried. Vanjie’s voice is characteristically gruff and accented and loud, and Brooke doesn’t try to stop the smile that spreads across her lips as she takes another drag off the cigarette.

“You’re not wrong,” she quips, turning to direct her grin at Vanessa. “What the hell are you doing in the room right next to mine? I thought production had us all on totally different floors.”

Vanjie shrugs, her petite shoulders moving up and down in one quick, smooth motion under her T-shirt. She’s in shorts, too, all smooth legs in the quickly cooling night air. Brooke tries desperately not to notice just how attractive she really is.

“I was up on the twelfth floor, but a water pipe burst and this was the only room they had, so…” She shrugs again and holds out her hands. “I guess we’re neighbors now. For now, anyway. So why are you out here burning up your lungs?”

“Ballerinas live on cigarettes and coffee, haven’t you heard?” They laugh together, and Brooke chuckles quietly while she examines the cigarette. “No. I don’t know. Old habits die hard, I guess. I’d quit actually, and then… This is a goddamn marathon.”

Then she purses her lips together around the cigarette and sucks in deep and finds she’s in a hurry to finish it after Vanjie called her out, but not in a hurry to go back inside. Their doors have been taped closed for the last hour, ever since they got back to the hotel after filming the first runway and shoveling down cold pizza and soggy salads for dinner after bidding farewell to Soju.

“So…” Brooke says as she stubs out her cigarette on the metal railing and tosses the butt into a paper cup she’s filled with water and placed on the balcony for that exact purpose. “You made it through the first week. How do you feel?”

“Relieved,” Vanessa spits without thinking. “And nervous. Because now I don’t know what to expect. I’d already done all that shit before—entrance, first challenge, first runway… It just didn’t go so well last year. Now… Shit, girl, I don’t know what to expect. I’m in the same boat as all of y'all.”

“Good! Now we’re even.” Brooke laughs and nods and leans over to rest her chin on her arms and stretch through her back and legs. “I guess I’ll just have to keep my eye on you, Miss Vanessa.”

“Miss Vanessa?”

Brooke shrugs. “I could call you other things if you prefer.”

“I think I like it when you call me that,” Vanessa says slowly, like she herself is testing out the words. “Miss… Vanessa… Not Miss Vanjie. Call me that: Miss Vanessa.”

“You got it.” She winks.

And, oh, god, she’s flirting, and she’s totally aware that she’s flirting, and she can’t even make herself care because it’s not like she had a boyfriend when she came to LA. It’s not like she expected to find herself so attracted to someone either. Other queens usually don’t do it for her. But Vanessa is so different. So refreshingly honest and open and undeniably handsome… And beautiful.

“I don’t think I told you earlier,” Vanjie is saying softly, pulling Brooke from her thoughts, “you deserved to win, really. You looked incredible today. And every day. I mean, every day that I’ve seen you. But today especially, you looked… Jesus, Vanjie, just stop talking.” She has her left hand pressed to her forehead like there’s an off button up there that she can access, but Brooke could listen to her talk for hours, and not just because she’s extolling compliments left and right.

“Vanjie.” Brooke crosses to the far right side of her balcony, as close to Vanessa as she can get, and stretches out a hand that Vanjie takes as she looks up at Brooke. “Thank you. And, for the record, just so we’re clear: you don’t ever have to stop talking when I’m around. I enjoy listening to you speak.”

Vanjie smiles then and her brown eyes light up, and Brooke squeezes their fingers together, fully aware of the way her heart speeds up when she does so.

*****

It’s two in the morning and Brooke Lynn can’t sleep. Half of it is adrenaline, she’s sure, because not only did she just finish her first runway, but she won her first runway; and half of it, she thinks, is Vanjie. Because she’d meant it when she’d said she liked hearing her talk.

More eloquently put, she’d meant that she liked talking to her, but the opportunity had presented itself to hold Vanjie’s hand and make her feel better, so she’d done it. It wasn’t totally taboo—she’d read through her contract enough to know they weren’t explicitly not allowed to fool around, but she’d never allowed herself the time to even consider it because she’d always been so laser-focused on winning. She still is. A momentary lapse in judgment to hold the hand of someone who needed reassurance won’t distract her from the main prize. But she’d be lying if she said it hadn’t felt nice to stand there, holding Vanessa’s hand and not feel like she was totally alone in this. It felt right somehow.

So sleep still eludes her, despite the fact that she expects the exhaustion to kick in at any point. She’s been expecting it. And still, she’s been lying in bed for the past two hours, tossing and turning, waiting for sleep to catch up to her and thinking about the fact that Vanessa is just on the other side of the wall.

Production had taken the room phones out of the hotel rooms before they’d moved in, so even if she wanted to call Vanjie (which she does, let’s be honest, or she wouldn’t be thinking about it at two a.m.), it’s not possible.

“This is stupid,” Brooke whispers into the dark as she flips the blankets off her legs and sits up, pausing momentarily to listen for any sounds from the other side of the wall. She stands and pads across the plush carpeted floor to the sliding glass door that leads to the balcony, wondering if she wants a cigarette or just the cool night air. She decides it’s the latter she’s truly craving, leaves her cigarette pack on the desk, and slides open the door so she can step into the darkness.

Before she gets completely outside, she notices Vanjie standing at the railing looking out over the city spread out before them, all white and yellow lights in the night, and decides that one good turn deserves another. Brooke Lynn clears her throat slightly. “Can’t sleep either?”

Vanessa jumps a little and clutches at her chest before she laughs. “Oh-ho-ho, bitch! I sleep fine, but you know, I just wanted to experience Los Angeles by moonlight.” Her left hand finds her tiny hip and it pops out to the side automatically.

“More like Los Angeles by neon,” Brooke replies, stepping to the corner of the balcony (again, as close as they can get to each other) and leaning on the railing. “Well. I couldn’t sleep.”

Vanjie snorts. “I figured you’d be dreaming up ways to remind us all you’ve got this competition on lock.” She smiles, then plops down on the floor of the balcony and crosses her legs under her. Brooke follows suit, and she can just make out Vanjie’s face through the slats in the metalwork of the balcony railings.

“No…” She’s almost too distracted by those damn shorts to respond any further. “And I don’t… I just don’t ever want to get complacent. I feel like that’s a dangerous place to be, I guess?”

Vanjie shrugs. “You know, I’ve never made it this far, but I guess you’re right. From what I hear, when girls get comfortable, that’s usually when they go home.”

They sit in silence for a few moments, watching headlights crawl along the freeway, listening to traffic from the city and music from some club down the block. And then Brooke can’t help but ask…

“So you’re like an icon,” she says, trying to keep the obvious fan from creeping into her voice. She’s watched the show. She’s guilty herself of throwing a few “Miss Vanjies” around on the mic at PLAY before she knew she was cast. And there’s no way she could have known (she maybe could have guessed, but she doesn’t like to speculate) that she’d be on the same season as Vanessa, let alone be hotel neighbors with her, let alone be bonding (and kind of flirting?) with her at two in the morning the day of the first runway. Life is weird.

“I don’t know about all that.” Vanessa shrugs and picks at a loose string on her shorts. “I was embarrassed to be going home. I said a thing. It caught on. I got lucky. It could have happened to any of those girls. It has happened to girls before. ‘This is not RuPaul’s Best Friend Race.’ ‘Bitch, I am from Chicago.’ All of those one-liners and most people can’t even tell you who said them.”

“Yeah, but it happened to you.”

“It did.”

“And you made sure everyone would know who said it because you used your name!”

“That was not my intention. It just worked out that way,” Vanjie says with a sigh.

“I know,” Brooke replies softly. “But now you’re back…”

Vanjie makes a noncommittal humming noise in the back of her throat and Brooke worries for a moment that she’s pushed too hard, that Vanessa will shut down and that this—whatever is developing between them, a friendship, an alliance, a partnership, more—will wither and fade away before she’s able to explore it as much as she’d like.

“And now I’m back… With so much to prove.” She shakes her head. “I’m nervous, Brooke. What if I just disappoint everybody? What if I’m just destined to be ‘Miss Vanjie’ forever?”

Brooke pauses for a moment and watches as a bug flitters around the light of the balcony above her. “From what I saw today, I don’t think that’s going to be the case at all. And I’m not a bullshitter, okay? So I’m not bullshitting you. Besides, you can’t go home yet. I’m not done getting to know you.”

Vanessa smiles and the moonlight reflects off a swath of highlighter that somehow remains near her temple. A strong gust of wind rustles through the palm trees above them.

“God, It’s just so pretty here, isn’t it?” Brooke says, pulling her knees up to her chest. “I love Canada, and I love Tennessee, but California… It’s different.”

“I guess, but… I’m not so interested in the scenery anymore,” Vanjie says quietly, reaching across the distance between rooms and reaching for Brooke’s hand.

Brooke offers it and Vanjie twines their fingers together.

They sit like that for a long time, talking quietly now and again about the other girls, about Vanjie’s experience on the tour, about their siblings and parents and pets and childhoods until their words come farther and farther apart, and then Vanessa starts snoring softly, her head resting against the balcony railing in a position that can’t be comfortable. Brooke shivers as the night air raises goosebumps on her exposed arms and legs, but she remains outside, fingers laced loosely through Vanjie’s, and dozes on and off until the early morning lights peeks over the horizon, when she reluctantly wakes the other and they bid each other goodnight and head inside.

Brooke falls into bed around six o'clock, already dreading the knock she knows will come at seven-thirty sharp. Sleep overcomes her immediately.

[juniperhillpatient]

Richie was experiencing the rare phenomena of having no idea what to say.

He and Eddie had been laying on his bed in silence for about twenty minutes, which was a feat Richie would’ve guessed to be impossible for the two of them until it happened. He’d had a decent thanksgiving himself. He’d spent it with his parents, his grandparents on both sides, Beverly, and Beverly’s aunt. It’d been nice. He and Bev had helped his mom make the mashed potatoes, and she’d let the two of them drink wine with her.

He was starting to get mad at himself for not putting his foot down and insisting that Eddie come over too, though. The thing is, he’d tried. The two of them had gotten into one of their biggest arguments over the matter the day before Thanksgiving, and Richie felt like things still weren’t quite right. He hated it.

He hated Sonja Kaspbrak.

He’d tried to convince Eddie that just because his mom had had a stupid heart-attack didn’t mean he needed to spend time with her. She was fine now, and besides, she could afford to hire an in-home nurse if she wanted. She chose not to, and it was very obvious to Richie that at least part of the reason was so she could manipulate Eddie into continuing to check up on her. Will and Jessica Hanlon had managed to convince Eddie to stay with them and not move back home, but it had not been easy, and Eddie had insisted on spending Thanksgiving with his mom.

He’d come over Friday morning looking upset and Richie had just given him a hug and asked if everything was alright. Eddie had just said no and the of them had gone up to Richie’s room. Now, Eddie was laying with his head on Richie’s chest.

Richie was pretty sure if he had to stare at the ceiling in silence for another second, he was going to go insane.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked.

“Not really.”

Right. Of course not. It was moments like this that Richie felt most inadequate. He didn’t know how to talk about these things. He didn’t know how to make it better.

“Alright,” Richie said. “I get it. Your mom ate all the food and there wasn’t enough left for you or anyone else. Well you are in luck, because we have enough leftovers to feed an army. There’s a fifty-fifty shot the brownies are edibles since Bev made them but that just adds to the fun. Let’s go get some, ok?”

“I’m not really hungry,” Eddie said.

Richie sighed and rolled onto his side so that Eddie was forced to sit up a little and lean on his elbow, so they were facing each other.

“You know what I think we should do?” Richie said. “Friendsgiving. Us losers, Kay, Audra, and Georgie. We can all just bring leftovers from our family thanksgivings. We could do it this weekend. Or today, really."

“Yeah, that could be fun,” Eddie admitted, the corner of his mouth hinting at a smile.

“I can tell from your enthusiasm what a good idea you think it is,” Richie teased.

Now he finally got a smile. “Alright, it’s the most brilliant idea ever. You’re a genius. No one in the history of the world other than you has ever thought of Friendsgiving. You deserve a Nobel prize.”

“I know I do,” Richie said. “I’m kinda amazing.”

“Yeah, kinda,” Eddie said with a soft smile, the sarcasm in his voice gone. He leaned in and kissed Richie and Richie thought, not for the first time, that he had no idea what he’d ever done to deserve Eddie.

The kiss was over much sooner than Richie would’ve liked. He leaned in and pulled Eddie in for a second kiss, hugging himself closer to Eddie.

“You’re the one who’s amazing,” Richie said against Eddie’s lips. “I mean it. I shouldn’t have been such a dick about Thanksgiving. I totally get why you felt like you had to spend it with your mom.”

“Don’t talk about my mom right now,” Eddie muttered.

“Shutting up,” Richie said with a laugh, leaning in for more kisses.

About an hour later, the two of them decided to text the group about the idea for a Friendsgiving.

Trashmouth: so I had a genius idea

Spaghetti: he had an idea that’s been had by 80% of the population before

‘Spaghetti’ changed his username to ItsEddie

ItsEddie: stop changing my username :/

MikeyWay: what’s the idea y’all

BigBill: what did I say about using the term ‘y’all’ smh

StanTheMan: I have to agree with Bill on that one. Sorry babe but no yee yees in the chat

MikyWay: can’t believe farm culture is being slandered in this chat. homophobia at it’s worst :/

BeverBitch: no one in this chat is a cishet mike u can’t claim homophobia

Trashmouth: what about @haystack

Haystack: been meaning to tell y’all something….

BigBill: BEN

StanThaMan: BENJAMIN

MikyWay: ahhaha @haystack thank u king for supporting farmboy culture <3

ItsEddie: let the man speak he said he had to tell us something so shut up

Haystack: soooooooo the whole ‘man’ thing. Not so much

Haystack: Been going to therapy and thinking through some stuff. I by ‘they/them’ now

BigBill: finally!!! another non cissy in the group <3

MikeyWay: <3

ItsEddie: <3

Trashmouth: <3

StanTheMan: <3

BeverBitch: <3 told y’all there were no cishets in the club

StanTheMan: wait so did you just out ben

Haystack: sksdkjaldjal no we’re together rn she asked if she could say that lmao

BeverBitch: yeah damn stan who do you think I am

StanTheMan: I’m SORRY it’s not that I think you’d do that I was just confused. Didn’t know you guys were physically together right now

BeverBitch: It’s ok stan I get it you think I'm a horrible person but it's FINE

StanTheMan: whatever bitch

BeverBitch: ilu2 stan

StanTheMan: <3

MikeyWay: is ben still a good name?? @haystack

Haystack: ily y’all

Haystack: & yes

MikeyWay loved Haystack’s message

MikeyWay: y’all is a good term

Haystack: I like it because it’s gender neutral & the idea of the lgbts appropriating redneck culture is funny

BigBill: ok fine that is actually kinda funny

StanTheMan: I actually never thought about it like that

BigBill: ok i guess y’all just became valid

Trashmouth: well now @haystack has stolen the thunder but do Y’ALL still wanna hear the idea

Haystack: sorry richie

Haystack: yes lmao

Trashmouth: @haystack lmao it’s ok ily & I’m glad you told us

Trashmouth: the idea is to go black friday shopping as a group & get murdered over a discounted vacuum

ItsEddie: stfu richie no it’s not

Trashmouth: it’s not. we don’t support capitalism in this chat.

ItsEddie: the idea is for us all to have a friendsgiving get together

Trashmouth: @BigBill invite audra & georgie

ItsEddie: @BeverBitch invite kay

BeverBitch: when do you guys wanna do it

Trashmouth: today???

Haystack: yess

Haystack: come over!

BeverBitch: bring leftovers <3

BigBill: oh yess

StanTheMan: heck yeah

MikeyWay: HELL yeah

Trashmouth: heckity yes

ItsEddie: fuck ye

Eddie closed the chat with a grin and turned his attention back to Richie. “Thanks.”

“For what?” Richie asked.

“Putting up with my drama mostly. But also for this. For distracting me and planning this whole Friendsgiving thing.”

“Maybe I just wanna hang out with our friends,” Richie said. “Not everything is about you.”

“Whatever,” Eddie said. He leaned in and kissed Richie.

He thought, as he did, how glad he was that he could do that now. They’d been official since Halloween but it felt both like a lifetime and like no time at all had passed. They had jumped right in with ‘I love yous’ the day they admitted their feelings and came out to their friends and the couple thing had come easily to them for the most part. Yet, to Eddie who had been head over heels for Richie since they were eleven, and maybe even before that, every kiss felt like a shock. He couldn’t believe he got to be with Richie in real life. Not a fantasy, or a dream, but for real.

“What?” Richie asked.

Eddie must have been staring. “Nothing,” Eddie said.

“It’s something.”

Eddie laughed and pressed his face against Richie’s chest. “I’m sure you’ll laugh at me for this but I was thinking that thanksgiving is silly and honestly it’s got a messed up racist history, but I am so thankful for you.”

Richie made a soft sound that was suspiciously like an unironic ‘aw.’ Eddie grinned.

“That’s so fucking cute, babe,” Richie said. “I love you.”

“I love you.” Eddie hesitated. “And I’m sorry I’ve been so weird about the holiday.” He pulled his face away from Richie’s chest so he could look at him. “It’s just weird, you know? I’ve never spent a holiday without her. And she kept texting me about how she didn’t want to spend the day alone and how she missed me.”

Richie frowned and Eddie knew what he was thinking. ‘She doesn’t deserve to spend the day with you. And maybe, maybe if you were stronger she wouldn’t be able to manipulate you so easily. She’s just a manipulative bitch and even if she does really care she shows it in horrible toxic ways.’

No. He pushed those thoughts away because they weren’t fair to Richie, who would never think anything like that. He might be thinking that Sonja Kaspbrak was a bitch, or that she didn’t deserve to spend the day with Eddie, but the rest of it was Eddie’s own insecurities. He had to own up to them and stop pretending they were anything but that – personal insecurities.

“I know I suck for letting her guilt-trip me like that, I know it’s weak and-”

“I never said that,” Richie interrupted. “I just said that you shouldn’t let her get to you. It’s not weak.”

“It is,” Eddie said. “I admit it. I just start feeling bad, thinking about her in that house all alone.”

“I know,” Richie said. “And that’s what makes me so mad. You actually give a shit and empathize with her and she uses it against you. It’s bullshit.” He hesitated. Eddie gave him a second. It was rare that Richie hesitated before speaking and it meant he was trying to give the conversation proper care, which Eddie appreciated. “So how was it?”

It was Eddie’s turn to hesitate. He didn’t honestly know how to categorize the awkward thanksgiving dinner he’d had with his mom and his aunts. The thing is, it hadn’t been as bad as he’d been afraid it would be. She hadn’t told his aunts about him being gay, and she didn’t bring it up for which he was grateful. She didn’t bring up the argument they’d had about medicine either. Instead, she and her sisters had talked for a bit about how unfair the criticism Donald Trump got was, and then they’d moved to talking about the food. In short, it had been about like every other thanksgiving Eddie had ever had.

At the end, he’d just left and gone back to the Hanlon farm. Will and Jessica had saved him some food which he ate even though he was already full, and he and Mike went to the back porch after dinner. Mike had smoked and Eddie even took a hit himself.

“It wasn’t that bad,” he said to Richie.

“Then why didn’t you want to talk about it?”

“Because,” Eddie paused, trying to find the words. “It wasn’t that bad but that’s what makes this so hard. Sometimes it seems like I overreacted by moving out.”

“Eddie,” Richie said. It was a mark of the seriousness of the topic that Richie used his real name. “She drugged you and made you think you had illnesses you didn’t for years and said you were sick when she found out about you being gay. One day that’s not awful doesn’t mean you overreacted by getting the hell out of that situation. I’m just so scared you’re gonna go back to that, and I hate to think about it because I just love you and want you to be in a good place and the Hanlons really love you and-”

“Richie,” Eddie interrupted because Richie was starting to do the thing that he sometimes did where he started talking faster and faster as his internal freakout mounted. “I’m not moving back in with my mom. You can relax, ok? I just can’t cut things off completely. I tried that and I can’t do it. I know I should be able to, but I can’t.”

“Hey, it’s ok,” Richie said. “You don’t have to. It’s complicated, I get that.”

Eddie kissed Richie and tried to put all the things he didn't have words for into the kiss. Like how grateful he was that Richie understood, and how much he appreciated Richie listening.

“Alright, let’s go pig out on leftovers with our friends," he said.

“Agreed,” Richie said.

They went downstairs and asked Went and Maggie if they could bring some of the leftovers from the day before to a get together for the losers and they were pretty obliging. Honestly, it seemed like they were relieved to get some of the food out of the fridge as it was pretty crowded in there.

As they gathered up the food and debated what to bring and what to leave, Eddie realized something. His mom was his blood, and maybe someday he would cut her off and maybe he wouldn’t but she wasn’t his family. Richie was his family. The losers club were his family. Kay and Audra and Georgie were his family. And the thought of this family that didn’t make him feel trapped or uncertain but instead filled him with warmth and love made it difficult to stop smiling.

A/N: this snippet is part of THIS fic but it’s sort of an interlude & I think it also works as a one-shot so I wanted to post it separately here. I wanted to write something cute for thanksgiving so it’s late but here ya go 

[lolahbajhiri]

Fired

(The Sacrifice Of Callirhoe, Jean-Honoré Fragonard)

As a retainer and, admittedly, a woman who thrives on being needed, it has been my ultimate goal to do all but predict the future in service to my masters. I think of what you need before you need it. I know where you’ll be, I know what you’ll be doing and with whom; I know what you’ll be eating, where you’ll be seated, the view out the window nearest to your meal setting, and even who will be preparing your food. I am the tangible hands of fate guiding you along invisibly through meticulously-planned schedules and the intimate knowledge of your preferences such that you never have to think about them.

This is power I can harness. It’s power I thrive on wielding behind my back, that nourishes me. But sometimes I get an immense humbling, a plan that was so ill-conceived, so steeped in godawful calculation that it was doomed to fail from the start. Something so unbelievably fucked that there’s no clever retainer magic in the world that can fix it. Such as when Ezen was murdered before I could fake his death and buy myself some time before dealing with the real problem—Luther.

You see, we had an agreement. He was going to take some time to explain to Miyasuke that he needed to “die” before I...pulled the trigger, if you will. In the meantime, I was going to get back to work with Luther as though nothing were amiss. And that’s where it both began and ended.

“Morning,” I chime as I enter his office, ignoring the disturbing, tainted fog that seemed to follow his every step these days. I cradle a clipboard and prattle on, easy as you please. “I’ve got a shipment scheduled aaat...” A peek down the list. “Approximately 11 bells, as I recall, but we’ll see if they manage to make it. The usual guy fell ill, so they’ve got a replacement. You know how that goes.”

Luther doesn’t respond, but instead beckons me forward to plant my chin between his thumb and forefinger in an affectionate gesture that I’m all too familiar with. “Come here, Carisa.” That name still doesn’t sit right. At this point, I've insisted that he call me elsewise enough that I know he doesn't because he chooses not to. What can I do? Cry about it?

Once I meet his hand with a warm smile, he steadies my chin and strokes my hair. Ours has always been a relationship that crossed professional boundaries in admittedly very expected ways, and this was no exception. His wife knows what we do and turns the other cheek because she's got it made; a baby, a huge mansion, and an endless stream of champagne even when there's nothing to celebrate. I guess that’s your prize for selling your soul. When his rough fingers make contact with the fuzz of my ears, I’m immediately sure our morning meeting will wind up with my face held down to a desk while I wonder for the thousandth time if this would finally be the time I wouldn't walk right ever again.

"Good mood today, huh?"

"You've always been my favorite kitten; you know that."

My heart thumps shamefully. I’m a simple bitch. "Yeah, it's never been a question, I think..."

"Which is why it pains me to tell you that I have used you." He delivers the news at the same time he draws his hand back, leaving me caught woefully unprepared. "But that's alright," he continues. "Betrayal for betrayal."

My ears flatten and I take a half-step away. My mouth summons the only words it can, dumb as I am. "Excuse me?"

"You didn't think I thought you would actually kill Ezen, did you...?" He rises for what feels like forever, unfolding upward in his impossible height. My stomach rises in kind into my throat. I'm dead. I'm surely dead.

"It seemed a little obvious for you, but you've asked me to do stranger things than that. Why not?"

"I needed someone to give him a false sense of security about the situation and assumed you wouldn't defy me openly..." He moves his attention to the window nearby and frowns. "A distraction while I sent another to take care of it. You're fired."

I turn to stone, frozen or paralyzed or both, the distinction between the two blurred in one swipe. The world holds its breath as I shuffle through so many different ways to respond, and finally settle on a truth that won’t change a thing. "I do love you, Luther."

"I love you too, Carisa, but I can't trust you. I'm sorry about Ezen, but it had to be done. We'll see eye to eye again eventually, I'm sure of it...but not now. Please go."

Ezen had this talk with me some time ago, about doing the right thing. He wanted me to give up the one redeeming quality I have, which is my loyalty, and all I could muster in response was that it hurt too much. That doing the right thing felt like shit, and it did, and does. I made excuses. I wanted to save face. Gods, I want to save face. I can’t this time. I don't want to die, but I’m ready. I’m ready to be good, I think.

"I don't think it did have to be done." Too late to turn back. "I think if that were the case, I would have seen it by now. I know you better than most. I really miss you, you know?"

He moves his attention back to me and shakes his head slowly. "It's us or them."

"There isn't a lot of 'us' in this one. It's you and...the others. The ones who made the pact. My name isn't on that list. I'm not 'us'." It feels unsettling to be talking about it so openly. To just say to his face what so many others have noticed but couldn’t vocalize: he’s not like other people anymore. He’s not even a people at all, not now.

"Are you so sure...? You're marked by the River. You don't belong here any more than the rest of us."

"I didn't make the deal with the Lobby. You know that. You know what I did." I want to be right. I really, really want to be right.

"Are you so certain it matters?"

"If it doesn't matter, then what purpose is it?"

"There's a good chance that you'll be forced to submit your new life with all the rest. If the Lobby goes, so does the River, Carisa."

"I don't want to die." I look away finally, pull my eyes from his inescapable, intimidating presence. I was reborn in that place, in that darkness, and by his will and Ezen’s resilience, I got to see sunlight again. Who did I even owe anymore? Whose debts were steeper? How could I possibly calculate? Have I paid enough? "I didn't want to die the first time and I sure as hell don't want to now. But I love these people, too, and you don't."

"Ezen is already dead, but Khagatai was spared for it. Can't you appreciate that...?"

I am so stupid. How arrogant am I that I thought I could outmaneuver? He knows me just as well as I do him. Loyalty, baby. My godsdamned undoing. I trade one man for another like cards in my hand. "There's no way this wasn't going to hurt no matter what, huh?"

"I know I can't trust you. Not now." He pointed to the door. "We have nothing to discuss." Message received. It’s over, and I dug my nails into my arm to believe it. The end. Maybe there will be a knife waiting for me on the other side, but at least I’ll go out with my head high. Is this what Ezen wanted? Is this what it is to sacrifice for good? Am I good now? It’s too late to ask. Fuck.

[serendipityswift]

first impressions of lover

ok i’m going to write down my first impressions to each of the songs; mostly for my own good and to get some of these feelings out 

i forgot that you existed: bop! girl is over everything that’s happened to her. it truly feels like her moving on from reputation. she’s still singing about what she sang about in rep, but it just feels lighter? she’s no longer hurting, she truly can’t give a shit about people who fucked her over anymore. 

fav lyric: in my feelings more than drake, so yeah 

cruel summer: single material if i’ve ever heard one! i swear to god if this is another getaway car situation omg... i fucking love this song so fucking much. like, it doesn’t sound sad, but once you hear the lyrics, damn it hurts. she still thinks she’s bad news, like her loving someone will only hurt that person... yeah, ouch. i think sometimes we forget how hard it must’ve been for her to get together with joe, to allow herself to open up again, but this song really shows it. definitely teared up knowing, even just half, of the situation she was in. 

fav lyric: i don’t wanna keep secrets just to keep you / devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes 

lover: one of my immediate favs on the album. for obvious reasons. my first impression was literally just sobbing lmfao, and being happier for her than i’ve ever really been for myself. 

fav lyric: with every guitar string scar on my hand i take this magnetic force of a man to be my lover 

the man: this was one of the song i was most excited for! and she absolutely did not disappoint. like, honestly, looking at her career and the way the media and people perceive her... just imagine if she was a man. look at how fucking successful she is, and the hate she gets, just imagine if she was a man? and it’s things every woman fears, it’s thoughts we all have. the lyrics are so smart and powerful and so, incredibly, true - even if society refuses to admit it. it’s like blank space, but even more mature and just so, insanely smart. also, her use of ‘bitch’ in this song? absolute genius. 

fav lyric: i’m so sick of running as fast as i can, wondering if i’d get there quicker if i was a man / if i was flashing out my dollars, i’d be a bitch not a baller 

the archer: immediately one of my favourite songs she’s ever put out, and still one of my favourites on this album. i’ve never related to a song so much before tbh, like, it may not seem like her saddest song ever, but when it describes everything you’ve been feeling for the last 4 years... it hurts more than any breakup song. the buildup and structure of this song is incredible, and i can’t stress how important it is to me enough. i want to cry every single time i listen to this song sigh, but i’m so grateful to finally have it into words. 

fav lyric: who could ever leave me darling, but who could stay? / all my heroes die all alone, help me hold onto you / they see right through me, can you see right through me? / all the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put me together again / all of my enemies started out friends / cruelty wins in the movies, i’ve got a hundred thrown out speeches i almost said to you 

i think he knows: what a fucking bop omg. the sexual innuendos? yes. combined with the innocence? incredible. a little tongue and cheek, makes me smile and bop along to it. the lust and attraction and just all the cute feelings towards someone that we all know. 

fav lyric: lyrical smile, indigo eyes, hand on my thigh, we can follow the sparks, i’ll drive

miss americana and the heartbreak prince: ONE OF MY FAVOURITE SONGS ON THE ALBUM, ONE OF MY FAVOURITE SONGS OF ALL TIME. i sobbed my eyes out listening to it, sobbing listening to it again. it describes the fear we all felt in 2016, even someone living hours and hours and hours away in nz. the fear we felt for the world and those around us, the anger and fear we still feel every single day. it’s the pain we don’t know how to vocalise, scared we’ll say something wrong and literally get hurt. she’s so brave, this song is so brave. this song is metaphorically, lyrically and sonically incredible. it’s just insane. 

fav lyric: the whole school is rolling fake dice, you play stupid games, you win stupid prizes / i’m feeling helpless, the damsels are depressed. boys will be boys then, where are the wise men?  

paper rings: what. a. fucking. bop. i can’t stop smiling and singing along even though idk the lyrics yet. also, all the references to old songs? and lowkey get fearless vibes but idk if i’m just too tired from it being almost 1am. i adore every single thing about this song. it’s realising you feel more for someone than you thought you did, then realising they’re the person you want to be with for the rest of your life. it’s literally everything. also, the stalking on the internet line? as relatable as any deepcut lyric she’s ever written. 

fav lyric: i like shiny things, but i’ll marry you with paper rings / i’m with you even if it makes me blue

cornelia street: i already knew this was coming, but this is 500% one of my favourite fucking songs of all time. sobbed my eyes out. still crying listening to this again for the second time. the references to other songs, the story of us? god. it describes everything you fucking feel when you just feel so damn much for a person. loving someone so much that a city becomes them, the city that she first arrived in single and represented her freedom. it now is him. when you love someone so fucking much that you know if, just if, they leave you; you’ll be broken forever. and it isn’t like every other time, it’s harder and they hold more of you than you ever thought someone could. it’s running because you’re so scared they’ll leave and you’ll lose everything, then coming back because you trust them enough to think that they’ll stay. but you’re still so fucking scared because they truly have all of you. 

fav lyric: i hope i never lose you, hope it never ends, i’d never work cornelia street again / sacred new beginnings that became my religion, listen 

death by a thousand cuts: i was mesmerised by this song. it’s a ‘happy’ sounding sad song. which i love. the juxtaposition of it all. also the entire second verse is literally one of my favourite things i’ve ever heard so tbh that entire verse is my favourite lyric. also, i kind of want someone to sing this as a sad ballad and see what it’s like ahahha 

fav lyric: my heart, my hips, my body, my love, trying to find a part of me that you didn't touch / our country, guess it was a lawless land / why are my fears at the touch of your hands? / paper cut stains from my paper-thin plans / my time, my wine, my spirit, my trust, trying to find a part of me you didn't take up / gave you so much, but it wasn't enough / i'll be alright, it's just a thousand cuts

london boy: ALL THE LONDON AND ENGLISH REFERENCES I CAN’T. as someone that lives in nz, the language she uses is so fucking funny and cute i can’t. also i keep thinking how ed taught her some of these things ahahha. and the nod to p!atd with “don’t threaten me with a good time” is so amazing. her reference to rugby? i’m taking all this luck by taylor and sending it to the all blacks thanks 

fav lyric: doesn't have to be louis v up on bond street just wanna be with you

soon you’ll get better: i already knew what this song was going to be about, but that didn’t stop my heart from literally shattering into a million pieces. andrea is so important to each of us, i cherish the day i met her and held her hand like no other, just imagine what she means to taylor. she was there when taylor had no one, when she felt so alone. andrea is so special, and it is just so fucking unfair that she needs to go through this. i hope, pray, anything that andrea can get better soon, make a full recovery. and i hope her entire family is okay. they’re all so loved, so incredibly loved. but, cancer, i just wish i knew how to beat it and can take all this pain away. i can’t even listen to it a second time right now because i’m too much of a wreck. that’s how much it hurts. i love taylor for sharing this with us. i love that taylor loves us enough to share this with us. 

fav lyric: but who am i supposed to talk to? what am i supposed to do if there is no you? / i’ll paint the kitchen neon, i’ll brighten up the sky, i know i’ll never get it, there’s not a day i don’t try 

false god: this is one of my favourite songs. it’s so perfectly simple. it’s exactly what this album needs. the religious references throughout this album is incredible, and the idea that their love itself is a greater force is so beautiful and incredible. it’s knowing that even though their love isn’t perfect, it’s what they choose. 

fav lyric: and i can't talk to you when you're like this, staring out the window like i’m not your favorite town. i'm new york city. i'd still do it for you, babe / and you can't talk to me when I'm like this, daring you to leave me just so i can try and scare you. you’re the west village. you still do it for me, babe 

you need to calm down: this beat cannot get unstuck from my head once it’s in there. and the music video is one of my favourites of all time, the amount of gay power? legendary. it’s not just about the lgbtq+ community though, it’s about everyone and acceptance and not caring about the shitty views around us, because they’re wrong and they don’t matter. it’s so wonderfully patronising to the ignorant people in the world and i love it. 

fav lyric: you would rather be in the dark ages making that sign, must’ve taken all night 

afterglow: i love this song, and i love how this is at the latter part of the album. it’s fighting knowing they’re the one for you, after knowing they’re your lover and paper rings. it’s taking responsibility for when you fuck up because you can’t stop your mind from spiralling. you can hear the anxiety in the lyrics and the pain knowing you’re hurting someone you love, but you can also hear the surety in the song that they’ll be okay, and that’s so fucking beautiful. 

fav lyric: why’d i have to break what i love so much?

ME!: taylor + panic i’m- they’re two of my favourite artists. this song by itself isn’t my favourite, but in the album, it suddenly all makes sense. this song is actually so catchy and uplifting and makes me smile. and it’s so weird listening to it without the “hey kids! spelling is fun!” ahhaha 

fav lyric: babydoll when it comes to a lover, i promise that you’ll never find another like me 

it’s nice to have a friend: this is so fucking cute i can’t even. i live for the simplicity of this. it’s just everything to me. the instrumental in the middle, the church bell sounds in the back, everything has changed mv vibes. mary’s song vibes. it’s so incredibly unique and special i love it. 

fav lyric: light pink sky up on the roof, sun sinks down, no curfew. 20 questions, we tell the truth

daylight: i’m so fucking proud of her. another song i sobbed my way through. she managed to write 3 years of experiences into less than 5 minutes. the references to red? she knew exactly how that will cut us, and how she once had this idealised, dramatic version of love. when she finally found the real deal, she realised it’s just golden. it’s light and different to anything she could’ve ever even imagined. it reminds me that there’s light at the end of the tunnel, even if i can’t always believe it. even though the darkness felt like 20 years for her, now she only sees daylight. not because things are perfect, but things are better. i can’t imagine a more perfect way for the album to end. 

fav lyric: i’ll tell you the truth but never goodbye / you are what you love / i once believed love would be burning red but it’s golden 

i can’t say whether lover is my favourite album yet, but it’s a special album that’s for sure. every song belongs there, and it tells a story unlike any she’s told before. there’s every spectrum of love on here, and everything just feels so real and personal; because she’s finally found the love she’s been writing about her whole life.  

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Jimmy: ? Janis: Save you the details, want to brain my sister as per Janis: but I need to ask you for a huge favour on her behalf Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: hang on, let 'em play for a sec Jimmy: ... Jimmy: alright, go on Janis: 😑 Janis: don't you start Janis: well she's got a date that she doesn't want to go on, but is gonna 'cos it'll piss Mia off/potentially show her up Janis: aware this is like a bad, really bad, teen drama-edy but hold on Janis: but like she really doesn't want to go 'cos she's her and he sounds like a twat tbf so she wants to double-date it Janis: which, undeniably, would piss Mia off more so bonus if we can deal being around her Janis: we don't have to stay ages, do it for the 'gram and bounce, old skool Jimmy: 1. I was only taking the piss out of her, calm down Jimmy: 2. this is bollocks but I heard you at piss Mia off Jimmy: 3. where & when? Janis: 1. this is how she's got me rn soz like tread carefully boy 🐍 Janis: 2. I know Janis: 3. [Place and time] Janis: Don't worry, I'm paying if he don't offer, he's some posh kid Mia wants on/has been on, apparently Jimmy: I dunno where that place is but it sounds fancy as shit Jimmy: outfit crisis like Janis: Am I gonna have to talk you down in the changing room too, like Janis: well I've been instructed to look 🔥 so she's either #over you or trusts you to bring it, which is rude Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: calm me down in there if you wanna Jimmy: that'd be hot Jimmy: I always look 🔥 & this whole town knows it babe 👌 Janis: Might make shopping bearable, give you that Janis: 😏 Don't disagree Jimmy: let's go shopping then Janis: Easily persuaded, you 😂 Jimmy: you don't wanna? sounds fake Janis: Didn't say that Janis: Called you easy, little bit Jimmy: 💔 Janis: Awh baby Janis: so mean to you Jimmy: 😭 me Jimmy: enjoy your lattes everyone, nowt to see Janis: Such a 💔 mental image Janis: hope Pete is there to comfort you Janis: that's a sexy one Jimmy: your shout for 💔 'cause your boyfriend ain't in today Janis: Nooooooo Janis: won't bother coming in now Janis: what's the point Jimmy: I knew that's why you weren't rushing Jimmy: obvious you Janis: You know Janis: 'til I get his number, gotta keep you sweet Jimmy: keep me sweet enough I'll give you it Janis: How sweet is that then? Jimmy: I'd have to find where the manager's left everyone's contact details Jimmy: least a few sugars Janis: 😏 keep it in mind Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: let me know Janis: bit mad you couldn't even pretend you're having a torrid affair with him but still like ya Jimmy: bit mad you want me to instead of being jealous but still like you too Jimmy: suppose Janis: I can be jealous Janis: jealous and aroused Jimmy: yeah? Jimmy: I'll keep it in mind Janis: 👍 stuff Janis: what are you up to actually Jimmy: nowt Jimmy: what are you doing? Jimmy: other than plotting Gracie's murder Janis: Literally that's all I've got done today thanks to her 😑 Janis: one minute I'm helping her find outfits, the next she's telling me to fuck off basically Jimmy: 🙄🙄 Jimmy: must be catching Jimmy: Cass is in a right strop Janis: Cass no, don't let the side down Janis: you know why or just 'cos? Jimmy: the prospect of family dinner ain't got none of us full of the joys Jimmy: but I reckon she's mostly bored Jimmy: she ain't done nowt this hol really 'cause I'm always working & leaving her to look after Bobs Janis: Yeah, makes sense Janis: You Dad needs to find a proper childminder, like Jimmy: she used to be out with her mates loads before Jimmy: I don't know what to do Jimmy: can't be the dickhead arranging playdates for a 12 year old Janis: Well, Grace did say she'd babysit for you as thanks Janis: so if she met Bobs and he wasn't completely terrified of her Janis: Cass could go out for a bit, do her own thing Jimmy: that'd be decent Janis: I could also go round there, more reg like, take him and Twix out to the park Janis: even if it's like an hour, better than nothing, right? Janis: not like your Dad is there to nope it so Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: actually Jimmy: You're just Janis: It's no big, you're the one actually working Jimmy: yeah but they ain't your siblings Jimmy: only your 🐶 Janis: Yeah but you know, they're alright, as are you Janis: it's only for the rest of the hols anyways Jimmy: steady on, gonna make me fall in love with you Janis: 😏 idiot Jimmy: I put a spare key out so you can go whenever you want Jimmy: Cass has lost 'bout 4 since we've been here Jimmy: reckon she only does it to piss my dad off Janis: Feel it Janis: he deserves it Jimmy: probably in the bin or summat Jimmy: find 'em all under her pillow Janis: making a statement necklace Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: she does usually wear it round, well spotted Janis: I 👀 all Janis: you've been warned Jimmy: gutted Jimmy: I better stop making eyes at the customers then Janis: How else you gon' get tips Jimmy: #where'sthejealousy? Jimmy: get yourself a girlfriend who don't give a shit, lads Janis: what you want me to be jealous for so bad? Jimmy: I'm just pissing about, Janet Jimmy: don't worry Janis: Likely story Jimmy: I miss you, there's one Janis: I miss you too Janis: and if you've been flirting with any old ladies Imma flip shit okay Jimmy: let's say I have 'cause I wanna see you fuck shit up at the CG Jimmy: & just see you Jimmy: so 👵💕 Janis: 😡😡😡 Janis: catch these hands deidra you old hussy Janis: get your own man Jimmy: have a heart babe he died in WWII Janis: probs look just like him Janis: least the dementia telling her so Jimmy: it's 'cause I'm so 💪 Jimmy: & got all them medals Jimmy: 🥇🥇🥇🥇 Janis: for being a prize dickhead, yeah Jimmy: 💔💔💔💔 Janis: don't act all devvo with me now, playing hero all afternoon Jimmy: come see me I'm so bored Janis: Have you saved up a break or nah Janis: real jealousy over them 🚬s Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: & I finish soon Jimmy: we can go shopping Janis: Yeah? Janis: Okay then Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: maybe I'll find something to cheer Cass up while we're there Janis: You're so nice Jimmy: nah, she's a good kid Jimmy: didn't ask for nowt of this Janis: Yeah Janis: none of yous did Janis: so you're still nice Jimmy: more my fault than hers that we moved Jimmy: wedding crashing & baby daddy drama, remember? 🙄 Jimmy: to hear my dad tell it like Janis: Yeah but that's like Janis: not actual is it Jimmy: don't stop him Jimmy: he'd have to take some blame then Janis: Heaven forbid Janis: My parents always act like they're blaming themselves but they just do it so people disagree Janis: dead sly Jimmy: sounds like when all your sister's mates say how much weight they've put on so the others will rush to say nah Jimmy: you ain't Tammy you're gorg babes! Janis: Literally 🙄 Janis: I hate that shit Janis: but I'm up myself for at least owning it and not forcing everyone into the pantomime okay Jimmy: I always wanna be like maybe don't order a croissant then, babes, but #tips so Janis: 😂 Janis: You're such a dick Janis: I love it, never change Jimmy: least your sister never eats owt Jimmy: even Mia orders shit to stare at Janis: they're all idiots Janis: just in different ways Jimmy: yeah, I got that Jimmy: probably spent more time with 'em these hols than you've ever had to Jimmy: you're welcome Jimmy: half of 'em are named after countries or colours Jimmy: ?? Janis: Basic from birth Janis: destined to be each other's shitty friend Jimmy: my dad did me that one decent shout Jimmy: tah, Ian Janis: 😂 Janis: Your name suits you Jimmy: hang on, what's yours again? Jimmy: gimme a sec & I can return the compliment Jimmy: Juliet, yeah? Very real Janis: Ha ha 🖕 Janis: It's an old woman's name so you should love it Jimmy: I knew I liked you for SOME reason Jimmy: there it is Janis: Your perviness never letting you down freak Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: so romantic, babe Janis: That ain't why you're with me Jimmy: yeah it is, last of the greats, remember? Jimmy: twitter agreed Janis: How could I forget Janis: sent me my first nude awh 💕 Jimmy: did you want it then though? Janis: You were hot, wasn't gonna say no Janis: that fake sext was 🔥 Jimmy: I'm an artistic Jimmy: boy Janis: Yep, totally focused on your talent, boy Jimmy: I wanted to impress you Jimmy: for real Janis: 😊 Janis: Well, you did Janis: for real Jimmy: alright, good Janis: You know EVERY bitch was thirsting after you then why wouldn't I? Jimmy: I've told you before, you ain't like 'em Jimmy: & you could kiss me how you did & just walk away Jimmy: so Janis: Sorry to disappoint but you looked good Janis: and it was funny Janis: and you actually did it Janis: so Jimmy: I always look good, am funny & accept challenges Janis: Go out with me then Jimmy: I'll think 'bout it Jimmy: remind me who you are Janis: 💔 Janis: so harsh Jimmy: you want me to be kind, baby? Janis: yes Jimmy: come here then Jimmy: I'll be so kind Janis: 😍 Janis: Am I mean Jimmy: not to me Jimmy: I dunno how you're chatting to everyone else Janis: oh, exactly like this Janis: my technique Jimmy: nah then, you're 👌 Janis: 😏 Good good Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: why? Janis: Grace reckons I'm basically Hitler Stalin and Pol Pot in one Janis: if she knew who the last two were Jimmy: she's friends with Mia her judgement's for shit Janis: True Jimmy: do you reckon you're mean to her? Janis: No Janis: Unless I intend to Janis: she just overreacts Jimmy was timed out 4 days ago Jimmy joined the chat 4 days ago Jimmy: there's your answer then Janis: Yeah, you're right Janis: only doing this to piss off Mia Jimmy: #same Jimmy: & for the free babysitting 👌 Janis: 👍 too right Janis: cash that in whenever Janis: she thinks Bobby is cute Janis: hopefully a good thing, not a 🚩 Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: I know I ain't interested girl but you can the bar a bit higher Jimmy: aim* Janis: Under 13 is honestly not a #mood babes Jimmy: more about the over 50s but go on, like Janis: 😂 different strokes, I guess Janis: how non-shamey was that Jimmy: decent use of the word strokes Jimmy: 🏆 Janis: 🙇 Janis: I try Janis: 'til I get grey hair how else am I keeping you interested Jimmy: get to the hair salon, rich girl Janis: 😏 get a Brazilian blowout whilst I'm there Jimmy: I can't even fake 👍 Jimmy: stop Janis: I'm surprised you know what that is Janis: 100% sit with my sister and co and bitch about me, confirmed Jimmy: I don't but the threat was clear Janis: You're cute Jimmy: you're a dickhead Jimmy: but I like you Jimmy: & what the fuck is it then? Janis: not 100% what is Brazilian about it but Gracie comes out looking like a show pony Jimmy: not very beachy or hot weather appropriate but alright Jimmy: but not alright, nah Jimmy: don't Janis: it takes hours Janis: fat chance Janis: can think of better things to do Jimmy: if you ever can't, call me Jimmy: I can think of loads Janis: Good to know Janis: knew there was a reason I was dating you, like Jimmy: #formybrain Janis: Yep Janis: first thing I noticed 'bout you Jimmy: I get that a lot Jimmy: not right now though Jimmy: I'm so tired Janis: 😔 Janis: not a store room you can nap in Jimmy: ☕ shop, mate Jimmy: easy fix Janis: 🤢 Janis: you're gonna need to go 🚬 'fore you kiss me then Jimmy: demanding you Jimmy: but yeah it is 🤢 Janis: You're somehow just finding out? Okay Jimmy: piss off Janis: Just sayin' don't go spreading that around, you're meant to know exactly how demanding I am by now, Christ Janis: not that frigid Jimmy: I'm just saying piss off Janis: ? okay Jimmy: you're Janis: hello? Janis: 😴? Jimmy: I'm alive, no tah to you Jimmy: gimme more mental images of how demanding you are & finish the job like Janis: Ahh 😏 Janis: Nah, leave you wondering and hanging on Janis: bitch like that Jimmy: why I hate you so much Janis: I know Janis: Makes it more fun Jimmy: what happened to wanting me to be kind? Jimmy: fickle you Janis: 🤷 Janis: trying to keep you awake and on your toes, boy Janis: manager can thank me Jimmy: I'd rather do it Jimmy: Unless you're 😍 for him now too Jimmy: love a man of mystery, yeah Janis: 😂 yeah, you're too familiar now Janis: gotta go Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: Poor baby Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: what the fuck are we gonna do on this double date? Jimmy: never done one Janis: Me either, oddly enough Janis: I hope she'd have picked someone else if it was a keys in the middle situation Janis: but maybe not, omg Janis: she's conned us Jimmy: Mia would pop up from behind a plant or summat Jimmy: lunge for you Jimmy: in a sexy/threatening way Janis: 😬 Janis: we gotta cancel rn immediately Jimmy: #cancelher Jimmy: 😂 Janis: Babe don't let her get me Jimmy: not gonna 💪 Jimmy: such a hero like that Janis: I won't let Grace wifeswap you Janis: not until I've 👀 this dickhead anyway Jimmy: tah Jimmy: like I said, them brazilian hair bollocks are doing nowt for me Jimmy: she'd end up disappointed Janis: 💔 Janis: don't need her pity so nah, not happening Jimmy: I'd have to hit up that look but don't touch girl for tips Jimmy: can't remember her name so Jimmy: just the weak ankles Janis: who Jimmy: exactly Jimmy: who's this lad then? big spender but what else? Janis: 🤷 Janis: Goes to a School Mia wishes but too thick that even money can't, appaz Janis: not white, I think she said Janis: ego Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: this is gonna be a right laugh, isn't it? Janis: You ain't gotta ride him Janis: we'll have a drink and go Janis: might be enough of a dick that is a laugh tho so Jimmy: if I have to watch your sister try I know that's a laugh Jimmy: seen it before Jimmy: her flirting is 🥇 Janis: 🙄 Don't remind me Jimmy: show 'em how it's done babe Jimmy: fancy places always have hot waiters Janis: Livin' for the dramatics always, you Jimmy: 'course Jimmy: #artist Jimmy: gotta suffer for that 🎨 Janis: use your 😥 to paint out that pain Jimmy: use my 😭 Janis: No half-measures Janis: I know, babe Jimmy: pete ain't here, you're gonna be off fucking the waiting staff Jimmy: I mean Jimmy: just 💔 Janis: Well we're all devestated about Pete, first of all Janis: where is he, what does he do with his free time Janis: so many unanswered questions Jimmy: he's in a band 🙄 Jimmy: I'm gonna drunk dial Barry, see if we can't hug it out Janis: OH BITCH Janis: really withholding that info from me weren't ya Janis: 🤤🤤🤤 100% the bassist Jimmy: he is yeah Jimmy: I've been on his insta 'cause that loved up like Janis: So hot Jimmy: 🤤🤤🤤 Janis: Even though I'm mad you're tryna keep him all to yourself Janis: dickhead Jimmy: first come first serve, Janet Jimmy: I saw him way before you Janis: Yeah but I really SEE him, you know? Janis: we've got a connection Jimmy: 💕 Janis: Groupie mode activated Janis: bet they're SO good Jimmy: [sends his like soundcloud or whatever people use idk 'cause obvs linked to the insta] Jimmy: 👍👍👍👍👍 Janis: Come thru, you stalker Jimmy: told you 😍😍😍 Jimmy: step your game up, Judy Janis: in stalking or being your actual bae Janis: #therealquestionsnogirlshouldhavetoask Jimmy: you don't have to ask it Jimmy: bit nosy you Jimmy: #stillnotadecentstalkerthough Janis: Not allowed to ask questions now Janis: that's your bit not mine anyways Jimmy: #stayinyourlane Janis: Friggin' cheek Janis: I'll stay home then 👌 Jimmy: nah you won't Janis: 😒 Jimmy: come on Jimmy: you know you've already left Janis: I could probably find Gracie Janis: follow the sobs Jimmy: go on Jimmy: if that's what you want Janis: shut up Janis: be nice Jimmy: make your mind up, girl Janis: No, just love me Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: I want you, how's that? Janis: Works for me Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: I ain't had no ☕ so we can make it work Janis: You should've Janis: not that mad really Jimmy: got a sudden rush on Jimmy: no time Jimmy: fuck you Pete Janis: Ugh Janis: fuck off people Jimmy: still had time to scroll though Jimmy: Pete's got a bird I reckon 💔💔💔 Jimmy: so mad 'bout it Janis: 😱😱😱 Janis: Why are you trying to hurt me so bad Jimmy: 'cause I feel it too, babe Janis: I feel like all my dreams are dead Janis: crying on this bus Jimmy: tweet that at him Jimmy: he can use it for a lyric Janis: 😂😂😂 Janis: hi, we've not properly met but 💔 Jimmy: he'd love it Janis: Enough to chuck the gf orrr Janis: I ain't bothering otherwise Jimmy: #duh Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: Awh, thanks babes 😘 Jimmy: 😘 Jimmy: love you 💕 Janis: love you too 💕 Janis: such a good friend Jimmy: back in the #friendzone Jimmy: I get it, you've seen an in with your true love, get on it Jimmy: 👍 Janis: #wheresthejealousy? Jimmy: challenge accepted Janis: 😍 Jimmy: who am I fighting though? Pete ain't in Janis: Take it out on me for now Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Janis: Not saying you gotta remind me who's name to say but you know Janis: can't hurt, babe Jimmy: like I said, stay in your lane Jimmy: that's my shout Janis: 😂 Janis: Good thing you're #unforgettable Jimmy: are you hungry 'cause I am Janis: oh baby 🤤 Janis: but nah Janis: could eat Jimmy: nah you have to really want it Jimmy: the food here ain't worth a maybe Jimmy: starving or don't bother Janis: watch you eat then Janis: #creeper Jimmy: sexy Janis: Believe it Janis: watch you sleep later Jimmy: this is why you're last of the great romantics, love Janis: you're so 🍀 Jimmy: hang on, let me tweet it Jimmy: let the fans know Janis: gotta make the most of the ban lift Jimmy: that better not be a challenge, girl Janis: such a slag Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: Jus' sayin' Janis: save a lil something just for me, yeah? 💔 Jimmy: there's the jealousy Jimmy: we found it Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: it's all for you, girl Janis: Shut up 😏 Jimmy: you on your way to make me? Jimmy: 'cause til then nah Janis: Such a talker Janis: never take a break, you Jimmy: you love it though Janis: You reckon? Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: all 'bout the noises you Janis: 😳 Janis: Don't be chatting that when you ain't here to back it up Jimmy: I will when you get here Jimmy: so come on Janis: can't blame me for being slow Janis: I ain't running and I ain't the driver so Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: tell whoever is to get a move on Jimmy: #medicalemergency Janis: Sadly not our bus driver bestie Janis: he'd understand Janis: be gutted it's me not you but you know Jimmy: he liked you too Jimmy: I'm just 🥇 after the latest ride Janis: thanks for the pep talk, babe Janis: so supportive Jimmy: I know Jimmy: & always ready with a challenge Janis: I reckon I know what you're thinking Jimmy: ? Jimmy: go on Janis: Doesn't take a genius to work out you want me to go for your title 🥇 Janis: yeah? Jimmy: save it for when our #1 fan is there though Jimmy: 👌 Janis: You're actually in love with him Janis: 💔 Jimmy: he's a bit young for me Jimmy: but a decent Barry rebound I reckon Janis: Giving blowies for lifts, told ya Janis: with how cheap bus is, bit shaming but okay, have a nice life Jimmy: cheap for you, rich girl Jimmy: you gonna throw money 'round on this date, show this lad up? Janis: 😏😂 Janis: I don't know if I'm allowed to Janis: gonna need her to clarify what her actual plan here is Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: you do what she tells you now? Janis: 🙄 Janis: Obviously not Jimmy: you wanna re-write that sentence then? Janis: If the goal is to piss off Mia, idk if that'll help us achieve said goal Janis: there Janis: pedantic Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: Gonna be that couple are we Janis: having a row and making the other people wanna die Jimmy: Are we? Janis: keep 🙄 and we'll see Jimmy: keep telling me what to do & we'll see Jimmy: 👍 Janis: not 😍 for that Janis: noted Jimmy: unless it's like shhh go to sleep Jimmy: or summat Janis: You don't need to be told sleepyhead Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: but nah I'm fighting it 💪🏆 Janis: sure you wanna go shopping and not snoozing? Jimmy: don't you wanna go? Janis: happy just to see you, darling Janis: seriously, whatever Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: Cass' potential mood upswing depends on it so Jimmy: we gotta Janis: Oh duh, forgot already Janis: your fault for being distracting Janis: 👍 Jimmy: haven't even been on twitter Jimmy: sort yourself out, Jenna Janis: Fine Janis: ignoring you Jimmy: yeah? Jimmy: I'll get back to work then Janis: *is ignoring you shh* Jimmy: ☕☕🍪🥐☕ Jimmy: 👵💕 Janis: Such a pervert Jimmy: I'm so busy I can't reply soz Jimmy: 👴💋 Janis: Hate you so much Jimmy: I hate you too, babe Janis: 😏 you ain't even funny Jimmy: I am Jimmy: you're good at faking but not that good Janis: Fine, give you that Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: if that's all you're gonna gimme, guess I'll take it Janis: Let your old biddy customers tell you how handsome you are Jimmy: they are Jimmy: can barely hear my phone going Janis: must be being polite today too Janis: working for those tips Jimmy: they're polite so I don't have to be Jimmy: #blessed Janis: dickhead Jimmy: & you love it Janis: nice to know you're not a total arselick, yeah Janis: couldn't even fake date that Jimmy: tah for letting me know Jimmy: I'll pass on to my manager that he's out of the running Janis: I assume he's the chubby guy, mid 30s Janis: who I've literally seen once Jimmy: yeah, that's the one Janis: Thought so Janis: was already out of the running Jimmy: 🎻🎻💔💔🎻🎻 Jimmy: gutted mate Jimmy: he'll be crying in the back when he realises Janis: Shoulda thought've that before he shouted at my mans in front of customers Janis: poor Pete Jimmy: that's why he's really off Jimmy: can't bear to show his face like Janis: So mad Jimmy: he'll write a decent song 'bout it Jimmy: be alright Janis: gf will console him Janis: I'll make an anon complaint about the manager like the unsung hero I am Jimmy: coming up 🌹s Jimmy: top one, pete Jimmy: proud of him Janis: you can't be proud of him he's older than you Jimmy: how's that work? Janis: you're a child Janis: he's a manly man Janis: that's how that works Jimmy: piss off am I or is he Jimmy: sounds faker than you've ever Janis: 😂 Janis: deal with it, boy Jimmy: deal with me Jimmy: girl Jimmy: I'm a better man than any Jimmy: including your true love Janis: Hot Jimmy: it will be when I prove it Janis: I was joking but now I'm Jimmy: I'll show you I'm not Janis: Jim Jimmy: ? Janis: Just Janis: you're killing me here Jimmy: I'll make it better Jimmy: how far away are you? Janis: lowkey ages Janis: feels it Janis: still going 'round the houses here Jimmy: [sends her a fire sext like he did way back when] Jimmy: I reckon you should have something to read Jimmy: & think about Janis: I Janis: have you ever thought of doing that as a living Janis: you could Janis: way easier than slinging coffees probably Jimmy: maybe now I've got such a top muse Jimmy: you really inspire me Jimmy: [sends another one 'cause extra] Janis: Actually dead Janis: I did warn you Janis: Fuck Jimmy: 💔💔💔💔 Jimmy: it backfired, I was trying to keep you going til I can do everything I wrote down Jimmy: 😭😭😭 Janis: Everything, yeah? Jimmy: that was the plan but it's too late now Jimmy: gotta call Barry & see if he'll be my date to the funeral Jimmy: look so good in black he'll have to say yeah Janis: You're so mean Janis: don't talk about him right now Jimmy: what do you wanna talk about? Janis: You Janis: and me Jimmy: go on Janis: It's stupid how much I miss you when you ain't around Janis: touching you and kissing you Janis: all of it Jimmy: I get it Jimmy: I want you so much Jimmy: all the time Jimmy: I don't feel stupid Jimmy: I feel Janis: I feel it too Janis: I don't know why Jimmy: 'cause it's good Jimmy: you're Janis: yeah? Jimmy: you make me feel really good, you know Janis: good Janis: that's what i wanna do Jimmy: anything else? Janis: i mean Janis: lots of things can fall under what makes you feel good so Janis: not really Jimmy: chat to me 'bout them Jimmy: drown out these customers for me Jimmy was timed out 30 hours ago Jimmy joined the chat 26 hours ago Janis: All I can think about is how badly I wanna be alone with you in a changing room right now Jimmy: I'm thinking of places we can be alone here too, don't worry Jimmy: resourceful like that Janis: Man of many talents Jimmy: there's more privacy in this place than you'd think Jimmy: especially when your man Pete the only other smoker ain't here Janis: Why you been holding out on me Jimmy: blame your boyfriend, he's always on shift Jimmy: & I only just found out the disabled toilet gets so little use it's used as a cleaning supply cupboard Jimmy: must have better taste in coffee Janis: I intend to, add it to my list of grievances with him Janis: Clearly Janis: interesting Jimmy: you're gonna be over the character limit on these tweets, babe Jimmy: get typing Jimmy: the customer toilets are well nicer than ours, write an anon complaint 'bout that tah Janis: Got a lot to say Janis: you gonna let be vent to you? Jimmy: like I'm always saying, so chatty you Jimmy: but I've also said you can say what you want, loads of times so Jimmy: keep up, Jill Janis: You've also called me a horny mute enough times to give a bitch a complex so Janis: challenging that Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 poor lass Jimmy: challenge accepted, if you're frustrated enough to need to vent, take 'em out on me Janis: 💔💔💔 so mean Janis: it is your fault, like Jimmy: it is Jimmy: so go on Jimmy: use your boyfriend Janis: Jesus Janis: I Jimmy: it's alright Jimmy: I want you to Janis: How are you so Janis: it's rude Jimmy: I've missed you Jimmy: is the answer Janis: I wish you didn't have to work all the time Janis: but it's good that you do or you'd be sick of the sight of me if I could see you as much as I want Jimmy: nah I wouldn't Jimmy: you're 🥇 remember Janis: You're gonna fuck me at School, yeah? Janis: I can't handle being around you all day and not at least kissing you Jimmy: if we have to be there then I have to Jimmy: challenge accepted, yeah? Jimmy: we'll find somewhere Janis: Loads of the lads chat like they have, probably bullshit for the most part but gotta be doable Jimmy: #goals Jimmy: I told you before, I'll get in trouble for you Jimmy: I don't care Janis: I really like you Janis: you're fun Jimmy: you Jimmy: but I won't spread it 'bout & ruin your 💪 rep Janis: Cheers 👍 Janis: my rep is so important, obvs Janis: so many friends and fans, so little time Jimmy: #duh Jimmy: just make time for me & it's alright Janis: you're the only one I want Jimmy: make me believe it when you get here Janis: you're gonna have no choice but to Janis: trust Jimmy: such a romantic Janis: don't take the piss, boy Janis: #medicalemergency remember Jimmy: I'm not Jimmy: I already told you, you make me feel so good Jimmy: it's that's not #romance I don't want it Janis: Good Janis: don't be dumping me for some lovey-dovey bitch yet Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: too many grandmas to choose from Jimmy: I need time Janis: take your time Janis: as much as you need Janis: then some Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: wish you weren't right now Jimmy: REALLY need that break Janis: we're 5 minutes now Janis: unless any more of your faves decide to chat on their way off Jimmy: unless they wanna fall out with me Jimmy: better not Janis: 😂 let it be known Janis: oi sandra, better get a wriggle on Jimmy: Doris, leave it out Jimmy: put 'em all on blast Janis: must really like me 😏 Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: must do Janis: 'cos you know I ain't gonna tip you as good Janis: how the rich stay rich Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: oh rich girl! 💔 bit rude but I can't say I'm surprised Jimmy: there's the real tip Jimmy: spend wisely Jimmy: you gonna need all your wealth to flex on this double date Janis: Obviously Janis: can't have him 💪 all over us Janis: clearly insufferable enough without that Jimmy: you gonna meet me 'round the back then? since you're slumming Jimmy: or you wanna flex on some 👵👴 too first? Janis: You know I gotta 👀 the competition Jimmy: doesn't exist, baby Jimmy: so just check me out & let's go Janis: that's right, tell me what I wanna hear Jimmy: I'd rather give you what you need but if you're 5 minutes away I guess we can talk a bit Janis: I know, such a hardship for me too Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: take that out on Doris & Bill 🥊 Janis: No, you Janis: I'm not the one who acts inappropriate with oldies Jimmy: only got your word for that Janis: 😑 Jimmy: hang on Jimmy: [more time passes than is usual] Janis: I'm getting off the bus Janis: you alright? Jimmy: rare appearance from your spurned love interest Jimmy: gonna make this more fun Janis: Which one? Jimmy: what did you call him, a chubby 30 year old? Jimmy: time to put on a show, girl Jimmy: let's see how 'down with the kids' he really wants to be Janis: I believe I was generous and gave him mid-30s Janis: which is when we find out he's 26 and the receding hairline is genetic, thanks Janis: chose a time to give a shit 🙄 but down for the challenge, obviously 🥇 Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: tell me what I wanna hear, babe Jimmy: NEED to hear, like Janis: I'm outside Jimmy: come in then Jimmy: say hello Janis: No more talking, yeah Jimmy: I'm not refusing you Jimmy: not when you chat like that Jimmy: come inside Janis: Coming Jimmy: [really extra kiss as a hello obviously but not sorry everyone cos its hot af] Janis: Well Janis: he's not looking yeah Janis: you go first Jimmy: alright Jimmy: one sec Janis: Try and be less obvious, babe Jimmy: me? you Janis: I don't know what you're talking about Jimmy: hang on, I'll show you Jimmy: exactly what you did Janis: You can't Janis: show me anymore here Jimmy: [does 'cause challenge accepted this is why you're gonna get in trouble lad] Janis: Come on, Jimmy Janis: you need a smoke, yeah Janis: really bad Jimmy: desperately Jimmy: how did you know? Janis: Me too Janis: amongst other things Jimmy: [lights her 🚬 up but in a really sexy way thank you cos SEXUAL TENSION BITCH gotta make 'em wait longer cos I'm rude] Jimmy: alright? Janis: yeah Janis: well Janis: no but Jimmy: ? Janis: You know what Janis: don't play innocent Jimmy: don't you Jimmy: come here Jimmy: get what you want Janis: [Does] Jimmy: fuck Jimmy: you take direction really well Jimmy: I thought it was only when you were faking Janis: Only when it's what I want Janis: but sure, we can pretend it was your idea, babe Jimmy: I don't want to pretend Jimmy: not right now Janis: Then get what you do want Jimmy: [does & it's everything he said he was gonna do in those hot sexts so damn] Janis: [After when she's got kicked out and he's getting fired, is ignoring] Jimmy: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: what happened Jimmy: he's #overit Jimmy: & sacking me Jimmy: now Janis: what Janis: nah Jimmy: put your ear to the door Jimmy: not gonna get a glowing reference when I show up to work for the competition Jimmy: bit rude Janis: obviously I've gone Janis: can you not like beg for another chance Jimmy: why? Jimmy: not my fucking dad, am I? Janis: Alright but Janis: it didn't need to happen, it was stupid Janis: I won't come in again, feel free to throw this all out Jimmy: neither will I Jimmy: hanging up my apron Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: I'm sorry Jimmy: for what? Jimmy: only Pete's gonna be 💔💔💔 Janis: for getting you sacked, obviously Jimmy: you didn't Jimmy: I did everything he saw Jimmy: & we can use this Jimmy: not quite romeo & juliet levels but the fans will still be 'bout it Janis: Be serious Jimmy: I am Jimmy: think of a good # Janis: Think of how you're gonna deal with your Dad Jimmy: fuck him Jimmy: school starts soon anyway Jimmy: I'll take less shifts at the next place Jimmy: & we sorted Cass' problem without having to buy her owt 👍 Janis: That's something Jimmy: it's decent so don't worry Jimmy: my dad'll lose his rag, gimme a smack, I'll do it better & that's that job done too Janis: you don't have to pretend it ain't a problem Janis: one you could do without Jimmy: it ain't yours Jimmy: you don't have to take it on Jimmy: 🤞 we give each other enough bruises to call off family dinner Jimmy: get out of that too Janis: it's fucked Jimmy: just make it look good for the audience Jimmy: I love you so much I risked it all Jimmy: that sorta bollocks Jimmy: 👌 Janis: Sure Jimmy: I'll handle my dad's tantrums Jimmy: not the 1st or last Janis: 👍 Jimmy: [later] Jimmy: come get the dog for me before he gets back? Janis: Okay Janis: am I bringing her back or starting a new life Jimmy: up to you that Jimmy: I'm just hoping if you show up Cass'll forget about wanting front row & go with Jimmy: little lad's a given Janis: right Janis: do my best to be convincing Jimmy: 🥇 Jimmy: get pics to show how much you love me for getting the sack for you Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 🙄 Janis: You're ridiculous Jimmy: why? Jimmy: what you wanna do fucking mope? Jimmy: get it together & do your bit Janis: piss off Jimmy: I literally just told you I don't care if I get in trouble for you Jimmy: so what's your issue? Janis: I care, dickhead Jimmy: then like I said, do your bit Jimmy: don't make it weird Janis: I am and I ain't Janis: God Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: calm down Jimmy: & say summat Janis: What do you want me to say Janis: I already did and you ain't listening Jimmy: I heard you, Jasmine Jimmy: but nowt matters Jimmy: it's just a job & it ain't mine now Janis: Fine Janis: shut up, I'm trying to put my shoes on Jimmy: you can't multitask any more? Jimmy: too 💔💔 'bout Pete Jimmy: you can go see him when you miss him, it's alright Janis: 😑 Janis: Jealous Janis: I didn't get sacked, I'm not changing my regular for you Jimmy: get him to make your smoothies Jimmy: let me know whose are better Jimmy: 👌 Janis: I'll try and remember Jimmy: calling his efforts forgettable before you've tasted 'em Jimmy: bit rude Janis: you would think that Janis: you would think that Janis: ego Jimmy: you said it Jimmy: poor lad Janis: I repeat Janis: 😑 Janis: you know I meant Imma be too busy now you're out the way Jimmy: you mean you're gonna be too busy with me Janis: you reckon Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: you said you didn't want me to work as much Jimmy: now I ain't Jimmy: nowt but time for you 💕 Janis: so I planned it, yeah Jimmy: should've Jimmy: but just a happy accident like my birth Jimmy: 👍 Janis: Idiot Jimmy: Miss you too Janis: No need now Janis: all that free time Jimmy: see, it's good news Janis: you ain't seen your Dad yet so Jimmy: I know how that's playing out Janis: he's literally going to kill me Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: I'd never let him Janis: even if you lie why it happened, he's gonna know Janis: or go down there and ask, even worse Jimmy: I'll say it was my other girlfriend Janis: maybe Janis: father son bonding moment Jimmy: shame you don't look more like twins I could drop Grace in it Jimmy: the manager has only seen you like twice though Jimmy: maybe Janis: Twice is enough Janis: gotta have seen her more and it's an insult to reckon even in passing you're making that mistake Jimmy: 😂 Janis: 😒 Jimmy: I can feel you making that face for real Jimmy: be nice to me Janis: Me? Janis: You be nice to me Jimmy: I am Jimmy: gonna protect you from my dickhead dad 💪 Janis: Shouldn't have to Jimmy: we saying this is all my fault now Jimmy: is that the story? Janis: No Janis: you don't listen Janis: it's mine, idiot Jimmy: you don't listen Jimmy: I told you, it's not Jimmy: stop being a dickhead Janis: Oh my God Janis: am I coming over right now or what Janis: yeah, I am Jimmy: It don't make you less of a diickhead Jimmy: you're still chatting shit Jimmy: stop Janis: Charming Jimmy: it's why you like me Janis: Mhmm Janis: not 'cos I'm fucked in the head or nothing Jimmy: piss off Janis: nah Jimmy: for fuck's sake Jimmy: just come over Janis: I am Jimmy: don't have to bring your 😍 but gutted 'bout the lack of enthusiasm Janis: What YOU chatting Janis: always 😍 to see Twix Jimmy: 'course Jimmy: she feels it Janis: I know Janis: chat all the time Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: she'll be so 💔 I can walk her now Janis: Guard your shoes Janis: heads up Jimmy: tah Jimmy: can't afford to buy more 'cause of 🐶💔 Janis: don't Janis: feel bad enough, fuck's sake Jimmy: you Jimmy: I can't keep telling you it's not your fault Janis: then don't Janis: but literally would not have happened if I weren't there so Jimmy: I want you more than I want that shitty job, alright? Jimmy: so stop Janis: alright Janis: you can get another one easy Janis: yeah Jimmy: you've tasted my smoothies, you tell me Janis: that sounds weirdly filthy 😂 Jimmy: not an answer though Jimmy: I get it, you were faking liking 'em Jimmy: 💔 Janis: shh Janis: you know you're good Jimmy: I know it's hot when you say it Janis: really? you've not been deterred by manager simon or whatever the fuck literally staring open-mouthed like Jimmy: no Jimmy: & if that's your way of dumping me, bit rude Jimmy: coulda done it before he sacked me Janis: told you Janis: all part of my plan to get pete alone Janis: and single-handedly bring CG down, naturally Jimmy: should just go to one of his gigs Jimmy: you know there ain't nobody there but the band Janis: so bitter Janis: art about it, babe Jimmy: I will Jimmy: tah Janis: #muse 'til the end Janis: welcome Jimmy: really gonna miss you when you're Pete's groupie Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: I prefer band wife Janis: but gotta start somewhere Janis: it's been real Jimmy: Barry come back Jimmy: the coast's clear & all is forgiven Janis: 😏 Janis: just don't let him impregnate you Jimmy: yeah one baby is enough Jimmy: really should've grabbed it from the CG before I left Janis: put a hat and apron on it it's your replacement sorted Jimmy: taught her everything she knows Jimmy: you're welcome Janis: a girl is it Jimmy: Barry only wants daughters he can warn blokes off of, he's that kinda dad Janis: creepy Janis: you 💕 him Jimmy: he's a decent rebound Jimmy: had the practice Janis: accidental or intentional shade Janis: either way fuck you Jimmy: what are you on about? Janis: calling my inexperienced Jimmy: nah Jimmy: calling him very experienced at being dumped and picking up dumpees Janis: Hmm Janis: ok Jimmy: & you aren't inexperienced anymore Jimmy: Pete will be 😍😍😍 Janis: no need to toot your own horn that hard either Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: do it for me then Janis: Pervert Janis: after that glowing review you ain't getting from CG, yeah Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: Idiot Jimmy: is that your word of the day? Jimmy: really getting full use Janis: if you wanna stop being one Janis: lemme know Jimmy: any time you wanna shut up, go on Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: in a bit Janis: [bit] Janis: here Janis: bring out the dog/relevant kids Jimmy: [does] Jimmy: 👍 Janis: idk Janis: hope it's not the worst it could be Jimmy: tah Jimmy: don't forget the pics, yeah Janis: I won't Jimmy: alright Janis: call me if you need Jimmy: dramatic Jimmy: call me if YOU need Jimmy: the kids are on one Janis: how is that dramatic Jimmy: I already said, I can handle my dad's tantrums Janis: well excuse me for caring Jimmy: just don't bring 'em back til I let you know Jimmy: if you care so much Janis: I won't Janis: I'm not stupid Jimmy: just me Jimmy: I got that Janis: No Jimmy: what? Janis: You aren't, alright Jimmy: bollocks Jimmy: you've been calling me an idiot non stop Janis: because I feel like one Janis: don't act like that doesn't make sense Jimmy: it makes sense that you're a dickhead Jimmy: come inside for a sec Janis: Yeah? Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: just gimme one second Jimmy: & then you can go Janis: give me two Jimmy: alright Janis: [has to kiss him first do doesn't say it] Jimmy: [kisses her back really hard 'cause same & holds her 'cause comfort needed bitch] Janis: [Hugs for longer than should like bitch leave] Jimmy: you gotta go Jimmy: I can hear Twix losing it outside Janis: Yeah Janis: I know Janis: [kisses some more then leaves fr] Jimmy: [later] Jimmy: alright? Janis: yeah Janis: you? Jimmy: I just need to leave then you can bring 'em back Janis: okay Janis: go to mine? Jimmy: who's there? Janis: Us, currently but by the time you get there we won't Janis: wait for me in the barn Jimmy: okay Janis: do you need anything i can get on my way back Jimmy: just bring yourself Janis: okay Jimmy: Janis Janis: Yeah? Jimmy: nowt I just Jimmy: tah for looking after 'em Janis: 'course Janis: no problem Jimmy: I don't have to give Cass a smack too, do I? Janis: Nah Janis: she was chatting to me when Bobby couldn't hear but she weren't letting on to him so Jimmy: I've text her so she knows Dad ain't murdered me Jimmy: not that there's a rug or owt missing, just me Janis: 👍 Janis: good Janis: gutted not to go true crime detective on it but Jimmy: you'd solve it too fast for it to be a laugh anyway Jimmy: too many clues Janis: true Janis: bit embarrassing, really Jimmy: can you get 🚬 actually? this pack is so light Jimmy: & get the kids 🍬 to soften the blow of not having my company for a bit Janis: my bad Janis: done and done Janis: not getting your Dad nothing Jimmy: he'll be 💔 Jimmy: needs a 🤕 Janis: nope Janis: stick a plaster on it and good luck Jimmy: brutal you Janis: He started it Jimmy: nah, I did Jimmy: losing me job Janis: so? not an excuse Janis: not like he's gotta retrain someone is it Jimmy: he don't need one Jimmy: any will do Janis: hate him Jimmy: #same Jimmy: not a couple brag for them 'gram but decent we've got that much in common Janis: obviously, soz Janis: your da, you actually have to deal with him Jimmy: I try not to Jimmy: got enough on Jimmy: don't let yours see me, yeah Janis: I won't Janis: promise Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: I promise not to get blood on you Jimmy: maybe Janis: Jimmy Janis: how bad is it then Jimmy: nowt serious Jimmy: it's happened before so it does the next time, like Janis: I'll fix it Jimmy: I know Jimmy: feel better already me Janis: you will Janis: you know you can stay as long as you need to Jimmy: just not as long as I want Jimmy: Cass'd be fuming Janis: and you'd miss 'em Janis: come on Jimmy: let's move 'em in Jimmy: what could be more #goals Jimmy: living with a 6 year old going on toddler & 12 year old going on 22 Janis: Obviously Janis: save the teen pregnancy which has frankly been overdone in this fam so Janis: plenty of empty rooms if you can stand the cunts Jimmy: shame you can't bring Twix though that'd be helpful Janis: I know Janis: poor bitch Jimmy: anyone you know that doesn't have cats by the million? Janis: 'course Janis: my grandparents would take her Janis: can sort anything I can Jimmy: I wish you could Jimmy: for real Jimmy: It's all Jimmy: such bollocks Janis: Yeah Janis: I know Jimmy: I don't want 'em to see me but I don't wanna just leave 'em with him Jimmy: ever Jimmy: that's not Janis: It's Janis: total catch 22 Janis: he wouldn't do anything like that to them though, yeah? Janis: not saying he's winning dad of the year in the meantime but Jimmy: but Cass is gonna be mad enough to say anything Jimmy: & Bobby's gonna be so scared Jimmy: when are they not Janis: what can we do, seriously Janis: is it gonna be worse if you go home with them Janis: like assumedly Jimmy: I don't know Jimmy: I just can't go back there right now Janis: You don't have to Janis: ask Cass to be extra nice to Bobby Janis: keep it together 'til you can go back Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: it's not fucking fair on her though Jimmy: nowt of it Jimmy: some hol this has been Janis: it ain't on you either Janis: that's on him though Janis: it can't even begin to be fair 'til he sorts his shit so Janis: she's old enough to know that Jimmy: I'm not 12 Jimmy: & it weren't like this for me when I was Jimmy: bad but not Janis: Shit's changed and that's out of your control Janis: the more you 'front like it ain't the more you put yourself in the firing line when it's meant to be him Jimmy: it's changed them so much & I Jimmy: someone's gotta take the hit for that Jimmy: he won't Janis: I get it Janis: like, not making it about me but I seriously do Janis: but they won't thank you for it, they'd rather you were at least a little bit fucking alright, you know Janis: they need you like that Jimmy: I'll be alright Jimmy: you're coming to fix me up Janis: Yeah Janis: we will work it out Jimmy: It's good that I met you Jimmy: best thing about being here Jimmy: only decent one maybe Janis: Competition ain't tough but Janis: I'll take it Jimmy: the free medical attention coming my way has really elevated this whole girlfriend thing up one Jimmy: full shade to my ex for not coming through when she had her time Janis: Just don't start getting beat up for the attention, yeah Jimmy: with this face? Jimmy: it's my money maker, the rest of living ain't free, sweetheart Jimmy: good thing I don't have to work tomorrow, not looking pretty right now, sorry ladies Janis: You're so Janis: #sorrydorisyoumean Janis: better tell her you've moved so she can follow so you know it's real Jimmy: Pete's gonna have a 9-5 cleaning tables when the mass exodus happens Jimmy: sorry mate Jimmy: give him loads of time to work on his songs though Janis: all the 💔 will help him Janis: make him miss you even more but that's life, baby Jimmy: do you reckon Grace & her mates will believe I'm just on a really long break out back? Janis: 😂 Janis: would if you hadn't been dramatic on the 'gram Janis: their real hunting ground Jimmy: speak of 😈 Mia just liked it Janis: she's so bloody creepy Jimmy: did you see her latest selfie 💀 Jimmy: [sends it] Janis: 🦆 Jimmy: sorta impressive that your sister can find bollocks to comment Jimmy: that isn't like Jimmy: you look like death Janis: #tooreal for any of them Janis: especially Gracie Jimmy: at least her last selfie was alright Jimmy: I could chat shit on that if I had to Janis: go marry her then Jimmy: told you, you don't look alike enough Jimmy: can't be showing up like oops wrong one Janis: 😂 Janis: she would lock me in a cupboard she's got no shame Jimmy: insight into your childhood there? Jimmy: Harry Potter got nowt on you Janis: Yeah right Janis: too early for that shit Jimmy: it don't feel early to me Jimmy: this has been the longest fucking day Janis: You wanna hear my sad childhood stories then Janis: cheer you right up Jimmy: I'm out 🚬 Jimmy: gotta do summat Janis: Mysterious Jimmy: is it? Janis: What are you doing? Jimmy: walking Jimmy: 'cause you live in the middle of nowhere for some reason Janis: tell me about it Jimmy: have you dropped 'em off yet? Janis: in shop, picking their sweets Jimmy: soz Jimmy: you'll be ages Jimmy: it'll feel like a long day by then Janis: yeah Janis: realising Jimmy: I'll make it up to you Janis: you can't Janis: you're a patient Jimmy: I'm bleeding but not to death Jimmy: plenty I can still do 💪 Janis: Shh, save your strength Janis: hard for me too, I know you're gonna look even hotter and it's just Jimmy: fuck your childhood stories, I'm learning shit here Janis: 😳 shut up that's a thing Jimmy: I'll shut up if you keep talking Jimmy: tell me again how hot I am Janis: you know you are Janis: you need me to tell you Jimmy: yeah Janis: I think you're probably the best-looking person I've ever seen in person Janis: people don't just look like that Jimmy: that's bollocks 'cause you look Jimmy: You're just Jimmy: beautiful, alright Janis: it ain't though Janis: I could look at you forever Jimmy: do it then Jimmy: I don't mind Janis: I'll start when you get here Jimmy: you're gonna look at me 😒 when I tell you Janis: tell me what Jimmy: I think I took a wrong turn Jimmy: I don't know where the fuck I am Janis: oh babe Janis: I'll find you Janis: now going yours, finally Jimmy: 🍀 all looks the same Janis: Gonna have to track you Janis: be THAT girl just 'cos you're a liability Jimmy: we can say that's the reason, yeah Janis: Please Janis: if I want you I don't even need to whistle Jimmy: if you want me to piss off you don't have to unclip my lead either Jimmy: just say Janis: I don't Janis: but you can, if you want Jimmy: why would I be lost in the general direction of your house if I wanted that Janis: Just saying Janis: you don't owe me nothing Jimmy: shut up Janis: I just Janis: I don't know Jimmy: I just need you right now Jimmy: so Janis: you've got me then Jimmy: I want you too, you know Jimmy: It ain't just that I got nowhere to go Jimmy: I'd break into the CG before going somewhere I don't want Janis: You don't have to say it Janis: I was just being stupid Jimmy: You aren't Jimmy: & I want to Jimmy: just listen to me Janis: I am Jimmy: yeah we say that Janis: Tell me Janis: whatever you wanna Jimmy: I've never said owt I don't want Janis: Okay Janis: I believe you Janis: sometimes I forget what was fake and what's real Janis: it's all Janis: muddled in my head Jimmy: ask me Jimmy: whenever you wanna Janis: alright Janis: how come you're so sure though Jimmy: you saying I chat shit? bit rude Janis: No I mean Janis: how do you know what I mean and don't Jimmy: I don't Jimmy: this could all be bollocks Janis: that don't bother you then Jimmy: you can't fake everything Jimmy: when you're with me I know how you feel Janis: Good Janis: I'm not trying to hide it Jimmy: it's alright Jimmy: everyone hides shit Jimmy: & chats it Janis: not you though, yeah? Jimmy: not to you Jimmy: there's loads of shit I haven't said but I'm not lying Jimmy: just not going that far back Janis: that's fine by me Janis: 'cos same Jimmy: don't worry then Jimmy: you know me better than anyone else Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: here anyway Janis: I'll take it Jimmy: I'm not going back so it counts Janis: oh right Janis: 👌 gotcha Janis: my fam would probably like to disagree but no one knows me either so Jimmy: sound more 💔 that you can't get rid of me, girl Jimmy: you should be happy, bit rude Janis: shh Janis: i'm glad i met you too Janis: it's just shit 'cos you don't wanna be here Janis: can't be selfish about it and buzzin', like Jimmy: I don't wanna be there either, not really Jimmy: I don't wanna be Jimmy: any of it Janis: yeah Jimmy: how do your parents get to decide for you how shit your life's gonna be & that's just Jimmy: how it is Janis: they just do Janis: must be in the fineprint for getting to be alive Janis: not arsed, too arsed, whatever, fucks you regardless Jimmy: I'm never having kids Jimmy: good thing I left that one in the CG Janis: same Janis: 'cos what kind of psycho wants the guilt, inversely Janis: like yeah, here's this kid I'm programmed to love no matter what and ahtever the fuck I do, they're gonna turn out fucked or hate me or Janis: nah Jimmy: guilt's good for my 🎨 but I'll be dried up by then Janis: so past it Janis: midlife crisis baby Janis: least women can't do that Jimmy: I feel like a dad of two already Jimmy: who fucking asked me Jimmy: & there's the dog Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: Start paying the mortgage and you're fully a single parent Jimmy: with this CV? Jimmy: bollocks to it Janis: 🎻🎻 Janis: thank fuck no one needs me Jimmy: let's just go out Jimmy: do summat other people in our year do Janis: cool Janis: puke on me and you're dead, idc how hot you are or how bad your injuries already might be Jimmy: you're the pisshead Jimmy: I can handle myself Janis: fuck off Janis: you chat shit on that, that's your thing Jimmy: what? Janis: You always say I'm drunk Janis: when I ain't Jimmy: I say it when you are Janis: 🙄😒 Janis: agree to disagree Jimmy: I like you when you're drunk Jimmy: & you're a cheap date so 👍 Janis: 😬 Janis: wanna be more creepy Jimmy: piss off you know what I mean Jimmy: you're less of a dickhead Jimmy: it's fun Jimmy: you like me more when you're drunk Janis: do I? Janis: better go get drunk then Jimmy: you have to wait for me or it ain't #goals Jimmy: & my injuries aren't gonna fix themselves yet Janis: you just hoping i got a uniform Jimmy: now I am Jimmy: but no clothes is also fine Jimmy: I'm easy-going like that Janis: good to know Janis: 'cos this is nhs service and you'll get what you're given and be thankful, boy Jimmy: I'll be very thankful Jimmy: you'll see Janis: don't be so Janis: we're meant to be going out Jimmy: we can be #fashionably late Janis: it's selfish but i want you so bad right now Jimmy: no complaints if that's what you're being selfish about Jimmy: actually is a #medicalemergency this time Jimmy: You need to make me feel better Janis: I'm going to forreal Janis: then I'll make you forget about everything that ain't feeling good and me Jimmy: It'll be a challenge Jimmy: it hurts, for real Janis: I know Janis: what's the actual damage you haven't said Jimmy: keeping it a surprise now 'cause you're so into it Jimmy: be a turn on for you Janis: don't make me sound like a psycho Janis: I don't like that you're hurt Janis: ugh Jimmy: I'm not being serious, baby Janis: don't try and sweet talk me now it'll 100% work and I'll be fuming Jimmy: be nice to me Jimmy: I wanna be nice to you Janis: it's my turn, if we're keeping score Jimmy: we're not Jimmy: for tonight we're just Jimmy: doing whatever we want Janis: then let me Janis: you need to relax, seriously Jimmy: alright Jimmy: I'm agreeing 'cause I'm in pain not 'cause you're right Janis: 'course Janis: we can say that's the reason Jimmy: it's the reason Jimmy: don't be stealing my lines Janis: 😂 Janis: but they're so effective Janis: not annoying at all, yeah? Jimmy: THAT I do agree with Janis: Nerd Jimmy: bit rude Janis: it's easier than being as nice as I wanna Jimmy: nah Jimmy: I'll shut up & make it so easy for you Jimmy: go on Janis: I can't Jimmy: please Janis: oh Janis: that is nice Jimmy: I know Janis: fuck it, tell you when we're drunk Jimmy: you really can't tell me now? Jimmy: any of it Janis: I can tell you plenty you'd rather hear Jimmy: yeah? Janis: I'm gonna make you regret wanting to go out, that's how good it'll be Jimmy: we don't have to Jimmy: like I said, whatever we want Jimmy: if it's that good, I'll stay Janis: nah, we will Janis: plenty of ways to have a nice time Jimmy: alright, challenge accepted Jimmy: it'll gimme an excuse for why I'm covered in blood that's not my dad's a bellend Jimmy: #thecraic Janis: 😏 and you DON'T wanna encourage my psycho behaviour, sure Jimmy: do you wanna encourage me in cross dressing? 'cause unless you want me to wear your clothes I'm gonna look like a horror flick Janis: 🤔 Janis: no doubt it ain't really crossdressing with my wardrobe Janis: sad times, babes Jimmy: shut up Jimmy: you're a girl, how many times we talking 'bout this Janis: glad you can tell Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: jus' sayin' Janis: do me a solid and spread that around Jimmy: get on twitter with your nudes & save me the job Janis: not all as #cocky as you boy Jimmy: you've got every reason to be Jimmy: more Janis: it's different Jimmy: I get it Jimmy: not a serious suggestion Jimmy: not that much of an idiot Janis: you aren't shut up Janis: besides, not taking 🔥 nudes from the roadside for you or tiwtter am Janis: *I Jimmy: you could Jimmy: but don't get arrested Jimmy: can't use all my savings for bail Janis: exactly, too many #risks taken for one day Jimmy: or just the right amount Jimmy: so far Janis: shame Jimmy: that the manager caught us, I know Jimmy: I feel it Jimmy: the interruption was well rude Janis: yeah Janis: it was Janis: you were Jimmy: he could've let us finish if he was gonna sack me anyway Jimmy: but to be continued I suppose Janis: so spiteful Janis: what did i ever do to you simon Jimmy: you were so close Jimmy: he had to know that Jimmy: give us a minute, lad Janis: don't oversell it Jimmy: don't misremember it Janis: give me some credit Janis: 2 minutes, like Jimmy: I'd have given you loads more Jimmy: didn't wanna stop Janis: Babe Jimmy: ? Janis: you know Jimmy: say it anyway Janis: i'm so Janis: i just need to find you Jimmy: I need you to find me Jimmy: so go on Janis: I'm trying, what do you think I'm doing Jimmy: how do I know Jimmy: not tracking you Janis: 🙄 Janis: yes, i've decided to stop off for a quickie with pete first Janis: hold up Jimmy: distracted easy you Jimmy: also a heartbreaker Jimmy: 💔💔 Janis: who's fault is that? Jimmy: mine & Pete's Jimmy: letting you Janis: if you had any idea how little interest i have in anyone else right now Janis: sad, really Jimmy: I don't feel sad Jimmy: neither do you Janis: not right now Jimmy: what do I have to do to make it not ever? Janis: don't Janis: don't be falling for anyone else yet Janis: i'm not ready Jimmy: you think I have any interest in anyone else myself? Jimmy: I just want you Janis: that's what i'm saying, keep it like that for a while yeah Jimmy: it is like that Jimmy: where do you think your competition is coming from? Jimmy: 🥇 you Janis: shh Jimmy: I'm serious Jimmy: you're Jimmy: there's loads of reasons I really like you Jimmy: even if you did get me sacked Janis: bastard 😏 Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: the flashbacks alone are worth it Janis: i wasn't even Janis: it was all you Jimmy: you were Jimmy: you always are Jimmy: you reckon I was taking the piss out of you for being inexperienced before but you've known what you were doing since I met you Jimmy: you're just Janis: It's not like I'd done nothing it's just Janis: learning what you like Janis: what makes you cum Jimmy: & you're a fast learner Janis: 🙄 Janis: i'm not gonna tell you you're a good teacher Jimmy: either that or I'm a slag Jimmy: easy to turn on & get off Jimmy: either way is fine Janis: don't tell me if it's that Janis: live in ignorance Jimmy: my ex would tell you it's not Janis: some girls are just lazy Janis: expect it to be Jimmy: I didn't make it very easy for her Jimmy: in her defense Jimmy: any of it Jimmy: not just Janis: don't need to say Jimmy: I know but Jimmy: I don't wanna fuck this up Jimmy: I'm not ready for that Janis: told you Janis: me either Jimmy: so don't let me Jimmy: I'm a dickhead but I really like you Jimmy: alright Janis: I know both of those things Janis: don't worry Jimmy: keep 'em in mind for a bit Janis: do my best Janis: you will be so distracting though Jimmy: not saying sorry Jimmy: where the fuck am I though? Jimmy: sorry 'bout that Janis: I am taking all possible missteps, find you eventually Jimmy: I have a headache but if you take that to mean that I don't want you to touch me when you do get to me, I'm dumping you Janis: please don't pass out seriously Janis: putting jokes of how dramatic you are aside 'cos I mean it Jimmy: I won't, I mean it, been here before Jimmy: physically but not geographically Janis: Baby Janis: can I kill him Janis: lil bit Jimmy: only if we do it together Jimmy: there's shit I wanna know from him first Janis: #couplegoals Janis: i get it Jimmy: it'll look worse than it is Jimmy: don't be weird about it Janis: I won't, I'm not inexperienced with blood thanks Jimmy: just Jimmy: I know you care Jimmy: but I'm alright Janis: I won't push it Janis: understood Jimmy: 👍 Janis: sorry Jimmy: why? Janis: for being weird Jimmy: name a day you weren't Jimmy: it's my top thing about you Janis: you must be weird too then Jimmy: do you think I am? Janis: well this feels like a trick question Jimmy: it's a yeah or nah one Janis: nah, such a normie, you Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: a deeper cut than the one on my face Janis: I like you, that's all that matters Jimmy: you gonna show me how much when you find me Janis: try and stop me Jimmy: I'd rather not Jimmy: you said you'd help me relax if I let you Janis: I meant it Janis: doesn't mean self-control isn't gonna be hard for me Janis: but you need gentle Jimmy: you know I hate self control Jimmy: especially yours Janis: take it up with my manager Jimmy: Twix'll be sleeping Jimmy: had a hard day Janis: you too Janis: gotta get you like 😴 Jimmy: what are you on about? It's been great Jimmy: just thinking about earlier at the CG makes me so Janis: so what Jimmy: come on Jimmy: you know Janis: so tell me Jimmy: you want me to tell you how turned on I am Jimmy: that I ache for you to come back & finish what we started Jimmy: & I can't breathe 'cause it feels like forever since you touched me Jimmy: but I can still feel it too Jimmy: every time I go there in my head Jimmy: I'm back in the moment & I just Janis: I think I Janis: holy shit Janis: I don't know what I think my head is Janis: you're all I can think about Janis: all the time Janis: and that's so much better than anything else I had to think on before because you're Jimmy: it's the same for me Jimmy: that blowjob you gave me, your first one, was my best one Jimmy: that shouldn't be a sentence I'm saying Jimmy: like you shouldn't be all I think about & want Janis: I can't be sorry Janis: I want to be your best everything Janis: I want you to want me Jimmy: then you've got what you want Janis: swear Jimmy: there's enough blood here for it Janis: good thing I do live middle of nowhere Janis: what would the neighbours say Jimmy: I saw some 🐮s and they were #shook Janis: #haters Jimmy: probably reckoned they were in the abattoir Jimmy: soz ladies Janis: usually the boys that Janis: only need the one Jimmy: 🤔 Jimmy: teaching me loads today Janis: return the favour Janis: said i'm not gonna say it but Jimmy: there's nowt I can teach you Jimmy: you're Jimmy: just take your row of medals & don't be too smug bout it Janis: okay then let me beat my own record Jimmy: any time Jimmy: anywhere Janis: I need to, I can't stop thinking about it Jimmy: tell me what's going on in your head Janis: I didn't think it'd feel that good, just giving but it was so Janis: I don't know why people complain I'd do that all day Janis: you looked so Jimmy: if you could see how you're making me look now Janis: I'm jealous of the 🐮s honestly Janis: you really are gorgeous and I felt so Jimmy: every time I reckon I can't want you more you chat things that prove me wrong Janis: I can't wait to see you Janis: not 'cos you're lost and bloody and defenseless and I'm a predator like that Jimmy: you kissed me like you were fucking off forever Jimmy: so I need to fix that Janis: well Janis: I planned to but I have the willpower and actual self-control of a fucking crackhead when it comes to you, apparently Jimmy: did you? Janis: bit ott not like gonna-jump-off-a-cliff forever but Janis: i felt really bad Janis: feel Janis: but you said it ain't my fault and i'm chosing to believe that Jimmy: fuck all of that but the last bit Jimmy: stay Jimmy: not wherever the fuck nowhere but Janis: with you Janis: i wanna Jimmy: then just do it Janis: okay Jimmy: you scared me, don't do that Janis: i didn't mean to Jimmy: you can take the dog but my dad would probably notice the others are missing eventually Jimmy: it's just a shit plan Janis: what about you Janis: can i take you Jimmy: where are we going? Janis: supposed to say it doesn't matter because i don't know Janis: anywhere Jimmy: I'd say it don't but I'd rather not come back here Jimmy: the cows are a bit Janis: bovine Jimmy: I don't know what the fuck that means Jimmy: but if it's weird not in the good way my girlfriend is, then yeah Janis: just means like a cow, tbh, like when someone's dead slow and unmoving, bit thick Janis: Mia 'cos she's puking up her brain cells at this point Jimmy: & that girl who follows her round the most Janis: big one? Jimmy: the other 💀 one Janis: ahh, yeah Janis: fucking herd Janis: gracie is just a stupid duckling that imprinted and thinks she's a cow whilst she's waddling after 'em like Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: Pete could write a #sick song 'bout that Jimmy: hit him up Janis: ha Jimmy: hang on Jimmy: got shit on my shoe, gotta get the first tweet in Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: good luck getting signal Janis: i reckon i know where you are, work on how you're gonna chat him up for tix so i can sit her front row for the drag of the century tah Jimmy: #willthemiseryeverrelent? Jimmy: 💔💔 Jimmy: maybe we should see a show for real Jimmy: could be a laugh Janis: Yeah Janis: why not Janis: just remember you promised Jimmy: work on our heckles Jimmy: just don't get too jealous of my 😍😍 when they ain't aimed at you Jimmy: what did I promise? Janis: exactly that motherfucker 😒 Janis: no indie bands for you if this is how you're gonna be Jimmy: threesome or nowt, I hear you Janis: with your taste? nowt Jimmy: you love Pete Jimmy: what you chatting Janis: He's the only exception, I've told you many times Janis: special 💕 Jimmy: & I've only got eyes for you & him Jimmy: Barry when I'm wasted Janis: mhmm Janis: likely story, slag Jimmy: keep wounding me Jimmy: near death Jimmy: can't go on Janis: go find a girl with quirky coloured hair to cry on Jimmy: these cows are gonna eat me when I hit the ground so unlikely Jimmy: but a boy can dream Janis: 🖕 they're herbivores, you dickhead Janis: how you like your women too, I'm sure Jimmy: give a shit what they eat Jimmy: cows or girls Jimmy: both are eyeing me all the time Jimmy: like they wanna make something happen Janis: genuinely hate you Janis: so much i'm not walking to the end of this lane, come here if you're not a loitering murderer i'm looking at rn Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: there's the romantic I fell for Janis: yeah yeah Jimmy: baby, take a step for me Jimmy: go on Janis: don't baby me Janis: you said you'd be nice Janis: 😠 Jimmy: alright, Janis take a step for me Jimmy: please Janis: [Does, a tiny one] Jimmy: [walks the rest of the way up to her & kisses her 'cause well that's just how he do] Janis: [casually covered in his blood, hot, touches where the split is gently and licks her finger after] Janis: let's go clean you up Jimmy: just Jimmy: [has to kiss her again harder cos wouldn't we all] Janis: yeah Janis: now let me be good and fix this Jimmy: You already are Jimmy: let me have Jimmy: [more kisses cos where is the chill on any given day] Janis: I want more Janis: but I don't wanna hurt you Jimmy: you won't Janis: [is kissing his neck 'cos safer] Jimmy: [enjoy his reaction cows 'cos we know he's living for it] Janis: [so many little kisses] Janis: is it just there or are there any bruises I need to miss too Jimmy: I don't know Jimmy: which sounds like a line to make you find out but I don't Janis: I'll be careful then Janis: check you thoroughly later, obviously Jimmy: it's a blur now Jimmy: like it didn't happen but obviously Janis: Yeah Janis: you don't have to think about it right now, if you don't want Jimmy: & I feel like I've been walking to find you for half the day Janis: I promise it weren't that long Janis: middle of nowhere and lost though you are Jimmy: I'm just saying I don't know what's my dad & what's how unfit I am Janis: It's alright, can work it out together Janis: and go slow now I've ascertained you aren't bleeding out Jimmy: can we stay here for a bit Jimmy: not ages just Janis: if you've got over your moophobia Janis: 'course Jimmy: you'll protect me Janis: yes baby Jimmy: [kisses her again 'cause we all know that was multi-layered chat thank you] Janis: sit down though Janis: [puts her jacket down 'cos remember when yes you do it wasn't that long ago] Jimmy: [sits but pulls her into his lap 'cause obviously] Jimmy: alright Janis: am now Janis: you? Jimmy: am now Jimmy: [is just touching her hair so gently 'cause fave like soz for the state of his hands probably babe] Janis: [motions that he should lift his arms so she can take his top off him carefully 'cos already bloody and uses it to wipe away the blood that has dried around his eyes] Jimmy: [does & tries not to visibly wince cos hard & northern but actually a soft boy so] Janis: [gives him neck and shoulder massages when she's done, as she's putting his top back on Janis: there Janis: might not have got lost if you could see better Jimmy: I'll use that excuse, tah Janis: allow it Janis: and i ain't telling Jimmy: me either Jimmy: twitter don't need to know everything Jimmy: bit of blasphemy Janis: alright Janis: no God in your house, you've told me Jimmy: I'll let the world know what a good nurse you are though Janis: Not letting just anyone bleed on me, you know Jimmy: sorry Jimmy: genuinely Janis: don't be Jimmy: there's so much Jimmy: [touches her face where some is but like not in a way he technically needs to after a sec 'cos I just have to bye] Janis: just looks it, head injuries always do Janis: you don't need stitches or nowt, I wouldn't be sat here if you did Janis: even if it's Janis: nice Jimmy: if I did I woulda had 'em first time Jimmy: do I need to be worried you're like an expert on head injuries for some reason Janis: 🔪🐰 Janis: told ya Jimmy: [actually lols] Janis: you're fucking cute Janis: do that again yeah Jimmy: you don't get to call me cute sitting there looking like that Jimmy: you're Jimmy: being really cute Janis: [makes a dorky face which she means to be ugly but come on] Janis: what about now? Jimmy: [kisses her 'cause can't like he gonna say some extra shit if I don't] Janis: [touches his lips after] Janis: i'm glad you don't have a fat lip Janis: it'd be really hard not to kiss you Janis: i might die Jimmy: I still would Jimmy: that hero 💪 Janis: 💕 Jimmy: but next time I'll tell him Janis: aim lower, right Janis: [points finger gun at his heart] Jimmy: that's your shot not his Jimmy: so be careful Janis: [crosses self, does scout's honour etc] Jimmy: [does a lil lol cos she a cute nerd] Janis: that might be one of my favourite noises you make Jimmy: don't commit yet Janis: i didn't Janis: sensible, me Jimmy: how sensible? Jimmy: you gonna stop me if I Jimmy: [is touching her in some saucy manner excuse you sir] Janis: very sensible Janis: be an idiot to stop you when Jimmy: when? Janis: when I missed you so much Jimmy: [starts kissing her neck & moving down her whole body, moving clothes out of his way as best he can 'cause missed her too obvs] Jimmy: what about now? Janis: [casually gripping onto his t-shirt really hard 'cos doesn't wanna hurt him but damn] Janis: Jimmy Jimmy: it's alright Janis: I'm meant to be Jimmy: I said, it's alright Jimmy: [carries on 'cause he's that dickhead] Janis: oh fuck Janis: don't start this somewhere we can't finish it again Jimmy: the cows aren't gonna tell us to stop Janis: so you trust 'em now do you Jimmy: I trust you Jimmy: [kisses her on the mouth before we know what's gonna happen oh boy] Janis: just tell me if I hurt you, okay? Jimmy: I told you, you won't Jimmy: trust yourself Jimmy: [starts from the top 'cause there & back at it again at Krispy Kreme] Janis: [starts unbuttoning him 'cos impatient] Jimmy: [likewise with whatever she's wearing 'cause he didn't ask like a phone sex line for once so idk] Janis: I want you so bad you know Jimmy: I can feel it Jimmy: but still like that you told me Janis: feel it some more Jimmy: [does] Janis: Shit Janis: That's so Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: I Janis: Please don't stop Jimmy: not now I've started, you know that Janis: yeah but promise Janis: I like it when you promise Jimmy: on what? a cow Jimmy: but alright Jimmy: [says that he promises out loud] Janis: [kisses him 'cos back at it again with nothing but ily to say] Jimmy: [lowkey drops his phone & don't even notice 'cause hot] Janis: [Hit 'em with an after 'cos] Jimmy: is it weird that we always type instead of just talking? Janis: probably but Janis: not like we do it when we're alone Janis: and not in public Jimmy: we're alone now Jimmy: are you counting the cows? Janis: yeah, they're people too, they don't need to hear me going all out Jimmy: bit late for that Jimmy: they heard everything Janis: shh Janis: never happened Jimmy: I just Jimmy: it's not 'cause Jimmy: you Janis: what? Janis: are you concussed? Janis: look at me Jimmy: you don't type it 'cause you can't delete what you chat before it comes out your mouth, do you? Jimmy: that's not the reason Janis: does it matter Jimmy: depends what the answer is Janis: then I won't answer Jimmy: that is an answer Jimmy: I'm not stupid Janis: no it isn't Janis: you can't assume that it's in favour of your bias just 'cos Jimmy: if you don't wanna tell me it's 'cause you think the answer is one I don't wanna hear Jimmy: & I know what I don't wanna hear Jimmy: so Janis: I don't wanna answer 'cos you said it mattered so either way Jimmy: self control yeah Jimmy: just edit it a bit Jimmy: I get it Janis: what you being like this for Jimmy: is it real or not? Jimmy: that's why it matters Janis: why would I fake fuck you Janis: what would be the point of that Janis: fucking hell Jimmy: you wouldn't but Jimmy: anything else you say to me Jimmy: are you just hitting delete on whatever you wanna say Jimmy: I'm just asking Janis: are you Janis: 'cos you seem to be more ready for this conversation than I am Jimmy: I asked you, don't turn it round on me 'cause you don't wanna tell me I'm right Janis: You aren't right Janis: can we go now Jimmy: I suppose Janis: what's the point in asking if you don't believe me anyway Jimmy: I never said I don't Janis: didn't have to Jimmy: I didn't mean to Janis: whatever Janis: come on Jimmy: [stops her 'cause boy you gotta fix this excuse you] Jimmy: not like this Janis: you said you ain't got nowhere else to go and i said you don't owe me nothing Jimmy: I'd rather stay here if that's what you reckon me going with you is Jimmy: whatever I've said Janis: don't be dramatic just Jimmy: It's not Jimmy: I care about you, alright Jimmy: that's why I asked Jimmy: & 'cause I trust you & that's not nowt to me Jimmy: it's bigger than like any of the rest of the bollocks of knowing someone Janis: alright Janis: just 'cos I hold back some things doesn't mean I'm lying or whatever you think it means Janis: we're not going that far back, you said, not everything has to be said for the shit that is to matter, does it Jimmy: loads of people have kept loads of shit from me & if you're gonna be another one then I just wanna know first this time that you are Jimmy: but nah I don't need your life story Janis: Well what do you need Janis: 'cos if you're gonna hold it against me when I tell you something later you wanted to know now then Jimmy: I'm not trying to be that dickhead Jimmy: It's just Jimmy: he's never not in my head Jimmy: my dad Jimmy: & that fucks things up sometimes, I know Jimmy: but me, I don't want to Janis: I know Janis: however much I don't know about the whole situation there, I know that Janis: I'm not holding that against you, am I Jimmy: you can Jimmy: I hurt you, you can hurt me Janis: I don't want to Janis: and you didn't Jimmy: a bit Janis: just shut up yeah Jimmy: just let me say sorry first Jimmy: 'cause I am Jimmy: I'm sorry Janis: alright Jimmy: [kisses her 'cause he's shit with words & so that's a better sorry] Janis: it's just been a shit day, yeah Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: but that's not an excuse Jimmy: I don't wanna do that Janis: can be Janis: it's valid Jimmy: I like you too much for that bollocks Jimmy: it's valid that I'm a dickhead & you can hate me a bit Jimmy: nowt else Janis: well I don't alright so stop Jimmy: [takes her hand & holds it] Jimmy: let's go then Janis: [drops hand 'cos not over it fully] Janis: can you just Janis: learn how to time this shit better Jimmy: It's not like there's a plan Janis: well this is the second time you've done this basically directly after so Janis: probably think about getting one Jimmy: I Jimmy: how else can I say I'm sorry? Janis: you can't Janis: just warning you, mood killer Jimmy: bollocks can't I Jimmy: come on Jimmy: whatever you want Janis: just wait like five minutes next time, yeah Jimmy: I'm not planning a next time Janis: fine Janis: [starts walking] Janis: keep up Jimmy: I'm going home Janis: are you serious Jimmy: like you said, it's been a shit day Janis: thanks a fucking lot Jimmy: I'm doing you a favor girl Jimmy: the mood's dead Janis: who asked you to Janis: and fuck you Jimmy: you're asking me Jimmy: I can actually read, like Janis: where Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: fuck off Janis: where Janis: I didn't Jimmy: get between the lines Janis: oh, all the stuff I didn't say, yeah? Janis: that's all you're concerned with now Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: no Jimmy: you've said enough to be going on with Jimmy: I made it too weird, it's not on you anyway Janis: Jesus Christ Janis: seriously Janis: just stop, come on Jimmy: I can't Jimmy: what are you doing here? Jimmy: you're Jimmy: & I'm just Janis: What do you mean what am I doing here? Janis: we're Janis: I'm your girlfriend Janis: and not such a shitty fucking person I wanna see you go back to your Dad so he can make your day worse what the actual fuck Janis: how is that not on me, that you'd rather Jimmy: I want you to want me to stay 'cause you do Jimmy: not 'cause he's a fucking dick Jimmy: but now you don't Jimmy: 'cause I'm as much of a dick Janis: how many times and ways can I tell you I do Janis: and you ain't Janis: this is a ridiculous conversation Jimmy: [this boy is lowkey about to cry my soft son] Jimmy: I don't know what to do Jimmy: [sits] Janis: [sits with] Janis: Jimmy Janis: I'm sorry Janis: can't we just agree to forget about it Jimmy: [puts his head on her shoulder cos v sad] Janis: Tell me what to do for you, babe Jimmy: don't leave Jimmy: I'm sorry I fucked it up but don't Janis: I ain't Janis: it's alright Janis: I mean it Janis: nothing that ain't fixable Jimmy: so let me know how to fix it Janis: just don't go home Jimmy: I can't Jimmy: I don't know why I said that Jimmy: proof that I'm not censoring myself I suppose Janis: I know you aren't Janis: you don't have to, I know I Janis: probably overreact to shit sometimes Jimmy: [actually lols again cos same bitch] Jimmy: me too Jimmy: you said, thank fuck nobody was relying on you or whatever when I was talking about Bobby & Cass before Jimmy: I'm not trying to be a burden of bollocks for you today Jimmy: that's it Janis: [lols with] Janis: You aren't Janis: I was just trying to show I knew I had it easier in that respect Janis: I think Jimmy: I've fucked your day up from getting sacked onward Jimmy: you don't need it Janis: well I want it so deal with it Jimmy: [looks at her with love bitch] Janis: [makes stupid face again like 'what' 'cos cannot deal] Jimmy: [kisses her cos likewise can't deal & will say highkey shit] Janis: Are you ready now? Jimmy: [kisses her again cos cheeky like that] Jimmy: am now Jimmy: are you ready to get drunk with some other dickheads? Janis: as long as one of 'em is you Jimmy: top dickhead me Jimmy: king of Janis: I'll allow it Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: we need to sort ourselves out first we look mad Janis: bit halloween for april maybe Jimmy: only a bit Jimmy: [takes a quick pic of her so she can see how much blood is on her] Janis: Well, if I didn't love myself before Janis: 😍 Jimmy: I like it but Jimmy: I'm weird Janis: you're embracing it now, yeah Jimmy: maybe Jimmy: for right now Janis: gonna lose it's sting as an insult but Janis: I like it Jimmy: I'll think of a new one Jimmy: it's alright Janis: your creativity knows no bounds, babe Jimmy: gotta stay #goals Jimmy: & keep my muse in a job Jimmy: one of us needs to be working Janis: a suitably #richgirl 'job' Janis: one notch above calling myself an 'influencer' still, thank God Jimmy: if I draw you an artsy nude so you can keep your actual of twitter, will you love me madly again? Janis: perhaps Janis: if you're gonna make me look like an old man then no Jimmy: 👌 it'll be my masterpiece Jimmy: no wrinkles just blood, 'cause your #kink Janis: you like it too shut up Jimmy: could be from Mia's severed head Jimmy: everybody'd like it then Janis: Hot Janis: I'd really love you forever then Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: consider it done Janis: [Gets up and puts out a hand to pull him up] Jimmy: [takes her hand 'cause he WANNA HOLD IT] Janis: I promised to patch you up Janis: and give you a blowjob, actually so Janis: get a wriggle on Jimmy: you could've got out of that Jimmy: I didn't remember Janis: 💔 Janis: literally Jimmy: I wouldn't forget it once it happened Jimmy: that's the real 💔 Janis: I won't feel sorry for you, boy Janis: the cheek, not to remember everything I say Janis: how un #goals of you Jimmy: you distracted me with a lot of #goals shit you did right here Jimmy: in my defense Janis: I don't know if we're allowing it Janis: I'll consult the girls Jimmy: baby Jimmy: please Janis: You know that actually works on me Janis: how shaming Jimmy: [whispers it in her ear too 'cause he's a dickhead] Jimmy: how do you feel now instead? Janis: I really cannot go down on you right here Janis: I draw the line so stop please Jimmy: [sexy little earlobe moment 'cause he's a shit] Jimmy: 👌 Janis: Um, no you don't Janis: [Pulls him back and kisses him] Jimmy: make your mind up, girl Jimmy: stopping or starting Janis: Your fault Jimmy: I was making you feel no shame Jimmy: you're welcome Janis: Hmm 😑 Janis: you're very Jimmy: do I wanna know Janis: you know you wanna know everything Jimmy: but we should go before it gets properly dark Janis: why, you scared Jimmy: piss off am I Jimmy: but I do remember you saying you wanted to see me when you were blowing me so Jimmy: not using all my battery on the torch Jimmy: don't like you that much Janis: 😏 Janis: suddenly he remembers Jimmy: shut up Jimmy: the kiss brought it back to me Janis: not gonna have you claiming amnesia from this Janis: calling bullshit right now Jimmy: 😂 Janis: can't be throwing out that many cliches Janis: even these morons will cotton on Jimmy: me? cliched Jimmy: leave it out Janis: 😶 Jimmy: if they made a flick on my life dickhead's be saying that don't happen Jimmy: #original Janis: send the screenplay in to my little brother then Janis: I'll check it out some time Jimmy: I'll get on that now I got all this free time Janis: man of leisure Jimmy: gonna have to do my homework Jimmy: no excuses Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: ew Janis: i'm not doing it with you Jimmy: come over & we'll say we're doing it Jimmy: 😏😏 Janis: that's more like it, nerd Jimmy: you're a nerd Janis: I am not Janis: 👊🍱💰 Jimmy: [playfully shoves her] Jimmy: the fact you reckon that's the kind of lunch I'm taking Jimmy: sort it out, rich girl Janis: [shoulder barges back but gentle 'cos careful girl] Janis: I was very limited by emojis Janis: and did not stalk you, so Janis: I'll ask Gracie Jimmy: you coulda done 🍕🍞🍟🧀 you weirdo Jimmy: even 🥗 Janis: yeah right 😂 Jimmy: what you laughing for? Jimmy: you coulda even done 🍽 Jimmy: you fucked up, nerd Janis: you don't eat salads Janis: you rude bitch Jimmy: I don't eat whatever the fuck emoji you went with Jimmy: [does a hair ruffle like he's Tess in the past & she's Fraze but he's a pisstaking fool] Janis: it was a box i was aiming for lunch box Janis: 😡 Janis: [does face] Jimmy: [lols again cos she cute] Janis: Don't think you can cute your way outta this Jimmy: what if I'm hot? Janis: wouldn't that be the dream Janis: c'est la vie, nerd Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: Poor baby Jimmy: I'm in so much pain now Jimmy: brutal Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻🎻 Janis: [kisses him but pulls on his pouty lip] Jimmy: 😳 Janis: So cute Jimmy: [kisses her cos she's cute & hot & the dream bye] Janis: Okay Janis: you're hot too Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: now we've established that, come on Janis: 👌 Jimmy: 👍

[ben-j-man]

Secret War: Chapter 10

Link to chapter 1- http://ben-j-man.tumblr.com/post/180097372453/secret-war-chapter-1

It must have been a good minute that I knelt and held her close, the world; everything was but a blur, my attention fixated down, down to the only girl I had ever really loved. I never loved Glaitis, no it was some form of sick, idiotic infatuation developed from her oppression, that both Taryst and I had mistaken for love.

I felt nothing, not the tears flowing down my face or even Elandria's blood soaking through my clothes; it was unreal nothing was real.

But no matter how long I held and looked down at her she was still dead; there was no miraculous opening of eyes, no sharp gasp for air. I would've attempted genuine resuscitation if I wasn't so brain dead. Or perhaps deep down I truly knew that it would be all for nought.

Feuilt was the one who brought me back to reality, the medicae actually having to grab me by the shoulders and physically shake me to do it.

"She's dead," I said, never hearing Feuilt's yelling even though he was right in my face, "the bitch is dead."

Feuilt's sudden backhand connected with my face, sending agony through my cheek.

"If you loved her then don't you dare talk about her like that!" He yelled while flicking his hand to cope with the pain.

I clutched my jaw, staring to the floor then sudden anger welled within me and my attention snapped straight up at the medicae.

"Why the hell not!" I roared, "she was a bitch to die on me, how could she do this to me, how could she!"

"Do you actually think that this death was by her choice?" Snapped Feuilt with extreme exasperation, "are you so damned selfish and arrogant that you believe that she died on purpose to spite you? To make your life more miserable? What? To add more stupid melodrama to this retarded story of yours? Grow up!"

"B-but she-!"

"It was a bullet in the back!" He interrupted, "she never saw it coming, Attelus! Even I could tell that she wanted more than anything to be with you! That she wanted to live! Get the hell over yourself!"

He was right I was being idiotic, had my paranoia got so rampant that I would believe that she would do this on purpose? I felt physically sick at the very thought.

Feuilt approached me and leaned down to take Elandria from my arms.

"W-what do I do now?" I asked Feuilt.

"Take Elandria, take her back to my clinic you are in no condition to do much else right now."

I wordlessly nodded, looking away ashamed of my pathetic performance.

"W-what about you?"

"I am staying," said Feuilt, "Olinthre ran into Taryst's den someone needs to help him."

"I-I loved her."

"I know Attelus, I know you did," said Feuilt, "now go."

Nodding again I began to get to my feet but hesitated midway.

"No," I said.

"Excuse me?"

"I said no, Taryst did this; I need to know why and I need to make him pay."

"But-!"

"This isn't up for argument medicae," I interrupted while giving him Elandria, "you're a good person Feuilt you deserve to live, I won't allow you to throw your life away, not for this."

Feuilt looked like he was about to argue but stopped, nodded understanding and made for the elevator.

"Don't die Attelus Kaltos," he said, "life is tough, but you must live on, or let me reiterate, don't let yourself die."

I looked over my shoulder, "I won't Feuilt, I swear it," I said and meant every word, I was a coward but not that much so.

Then I went to collect my weapons.

Cautiously with auto pistol raised I approached the curtains leading into Taryst's den.

I was angry, I was more than angry, as white-hot rage welled at the pit of my guts rage that I could barely hold it at bay.

But I held back the urge to rush in blind, in all likelihood Taryst had heard my conversation with Feuilt so he must know very well that I was coming.

Also, I had learnt my lesson of the potential consequences of letting anger rule you after what happened with Vex.

Near the curtains, I stopped, clenched my teeth then in the blink of an eye my sword was drawn while holding up my pistol and with one clean arc the monomolecular enhanced edge sliced cleanly through the think fabric.

Quickly I covered the room with my pistol sweeping the gun professionally from left to right.

From what I could see the room was empty, nothing had changed since my last time here, still with that marble fountain, the couches set around it, the small tables at each couches end and that huge adamantium steel door on the opposite wall.

Sheathing my sword I stepped inside, in a double-handed grip my pistol still swayed back and forth, my gaze still searching for some semblance of life somewhere anywhere, there were a few places to hide I could see behind one of the couches or the fountain.

My heart leapt in my chest as my anger overtaken by fear, I didn't like this at all something was wrong.

The sudden crash behind me almost made me almost jump out of my skin, and I spun to see.

A shield had been turned on, a force shield that Taryst had installed in case of a firefight in the corridor as obviously the red curtains wouldn't provide much cover for the rogue trader. It was impossible for me to get through unless I destroy the power source which I couldn't help believe to be at the bottom of that elevator behind that adamantium door.

There would be no going back now.

I turned back around.

"Taryst I know you're there!" I yelled at the top of my lungs my patience already worn away, "come out and show yourself!"

No answer.

"Get out here now or I'll-!"

"Or you will what Attelus?"

Without hesitation, my aim snapped straight to the voice's source, on my right side an area I could have sworn to be empty the last time I looked a mere second ago.

My eyes widened as I saw who it was, "Olinthre!"

The major stood his hands raised and empty and looking nervously at my raised pistol, "uhh yes it's me, kid. Now could you lower that gun of yours."

I didn't I kept it firmly trained on him, "What the hell happened Tolon? Where the hell's Taryst?"

Olinthre shrugged, "when I came in the place was empty, my guess is that he already went down the elevator to safety."

"Did you turn on the shield?"

"No Taryst must have, I wouldn't have a clue how to do it now could you please put down the gun Attelus."

"No, and how the hell did you just suddenly appear there? I could have sworn that no one was there a second ago."

Olinthre smiled, "maybe it's your mind playing tricks on you Attelus, you've been through so much today why don't you just go home and rest."

"I can't exactly do that as I am trapped in here," I smiled back, "now who the hell are you?"

Olinthre's smile abruptly disappeared, "it's me, Olinthre, who else could I be?"

I shook my head, feeling pride well within my chest as it all just suddenly came together, as all the evidence just seemed to suddenly fall into place, "now it all makes sense, yess. This explains why Taryst changed his ideals, why it was Barhurst's retinal scan in the records instead of Taryst's. Why Taryst ordered his prized psyker to be in a drug induced coma the answer is obvious. I'm just ashamed that I didn't think of it sooner, it's because Taryst isn't really Taryst just like you aren't really Olinthre."

The smile was just suddenly back on Olinthre's face, "oh you think you have it all figured out now do you?"

Ignoring the sarcasm I grinned, "indeed, so what are you exactly? Who are you working for?"

I swallowed back the lump in my throat before I asked the last question, "and most importantly why the hell, did you kill Elandria?"

Olinthre grinned evilly and shook his head, "foolish child, you think that you are so smart don't you?"

Suddenly the major was no longer the major seemingly fading from existence, and Olinthre was replaced by...Me a perfect mirror image of me everything copied down from my flak jacket and thin build my pale skin and long brown hair.

"Is this appearance more pleasing for you?" the new Attelus Kaltos asked me.

I barely kept my composure, barely kept my pistol aimed, "w-what the hell are you?"

Attelus grinned back at me and said in a voice also my own, "why anyone you want me to be, so who do you want me to be? Oh, I know!"

My image fazed away and was replaced by the tall long-limbed form of Glaitis, "hmmm young one now is this more pleasing now?"

"I assume that you can turn invisible as well? That is how you appeared so suddenly, how long have you been masquerading as Taryst?"

Glaitis shrugged, "I do not see any harm in telling you child it was since the night of the Twilight bar incident."

"And before that you were Barhurst, were you always Barhurst?"

The Glaitis thing smiled, "I was indeed Barhurst but only for the past half of a year."

My heart thumped in my throat, "you could have killed me," I managed.

"Excuse me young one you mutter I cannot quite understand what you said."

"I-I said that you could've easily killed me before, why didn't you?"

"Orders," answered not-Glaitis simply.

"From who?"

"Why she is standing right in front of you young Attelus Kaltos."

"Glaitis? Glaitis is your boss?"

"Got it in one!" Said not-Glaitis, "did you not ever wonder why Glaitis had engineered the Twilight bar incident? And no it was not to plant listening devices, it was not even to capture that throne agent-"

Then it hit me, "it was so we would draw out Taryst's psyker!"

"Yes, so I could get a clear opening to Taryst without the psyker filth being there to get in my way, my mind may be unreadable for her, but she still could have stopped me."

"And Taryst?"

Not-Glaitis grinned, "dead; his corpse is rotting down in the bunker as we speak, he never saw me coming."

I blinked my mouth agape, all this information; this revelation was almost too much I never imagined that all of this had happened behind the scenes, that Glaitis could outplay Taryst so easily.

"So you now understand, young one we are indeed on the same side?"

With those arrogant words my confusion was suddenly back into anger, "so if we are on the same side why, why the hell then did you kill Elandria!" I roared.

"Again orders," answered not-Glaitis simply, "she was losing her edge she was no longer worthy of working for Glaitis so her life was forfeit."

"What? So her finding her humanity made her expendable?" I yelled, "is that why?"

"Essentially, yes."

The rage was almost all-consuming, my breaths were ragged gasps which hissed as air inhaled and exhaled through clenched teeth.

"Tell me one reason why I shouldn't kill you right now," I snarled.

The not-Glaitis shrugged still with that snide smile, "why young Attelus it would take a lot less time to tell you the reasons why you should kill me."

My gun still on the not-Glaitis I glanced at the adamantium door.

"I presume you have access to that door?"

For a second a bemused expression crossed not-Glaitis' face, "Of course I do, why do you care?"

"Because I need you to take me down there."

"Why?"

"Because...Just because! Damn it!" I snarled as a plan was already forming in my mind, "now you should really be asking yourself do you or don't you want a bullet in your brain!"

The Glaitis thing shook its head, "you really do believe that you have the upper hand, don't you?"

I grimaced about to reply when suddenly my pistol was gone from my grasp and flying across the room then the not-Glaitis punched me in the chest or what I believed to be a punch it was so fast I couldn't tell.

Raw pain erupted through my torso as the blow sent me head over heels, face first into the red carpet. Running on instinct, I suddenly rolled into a crouch my sword suddenly drawn and searching the room for my enemy.

It was gone the living quarters was once more empty.

I sighed, now this was going to be one hard fight.

After I climbed to full height, my ragged gasps echoed through the room my chest hurt like all hell, and I could not help but suspect one of my ribs may be broken.

It could have been a killing punch if the thing had aimed at my centre, at my solar-plexus so perhaps this proved that It was under orders not to kill me but I didn't want to kill It either It being the only one with access to the bunker where my objective still lay.

Again I glanced around, this time in search for my lost pistol and I found it! Lain on the floor next to the door but I had to immediately restrain myself from lunging for it knowing the Thing would be lying in wait using it as bait.

"So!" I said, thinking that if I could make It talk, that It would give away Its position, "what did you do with Olinthre, kill him too?"

"You will see," came its reply immediately but the Things words seemed to echo from every corner which made me curse aloud, of course, it'd know how to throw its voice, frig it!

The thing laughed an unsettling halting sound that sent shivers up my spine.

My brow furrowed my teeth clenched, and I spun, slashing out my sword in a sudden 180-degree arc.

Nothing and I heard it laugh just a millisecond before the blow smashed into my back, sending waves of pain through me and crashing me back to the floor.

"Sure keep that up," it said as I blindly attempted to attack in the general direction of the blow, "keep slashing into the air, wear yourself out, allowing me an easier target and I thought you were meant to be smart."

In all honesty, I was worn out, my general lack of any apparent fitness and my brief but brutal fight with Elandria making sure of that.

The thought of Elandria made the rage all of a sudden rush back, and with the pain temporarily forgotten I began to get up slowly. But then the vicious kick connected with my side sending more waves of agony through me and forcing me onto my side as I gasped for breath and coughed.

"I may be under orders not to kill you Attelus," it said, "but I am quite fond of loopholes-"

It paused to kick me again, this time in the guts making me bend forwards.

"-But mistress Glaitis never said that you could not be "half alive," did she?" another kick came this right in my crotch, complete agony tore through me, tears abruptly blurred my vision, and I saw stars I would have screamed out if not so winded.

I rolled over, clutching myself and weeping openly, "I, don't know," I whimpered, "but, there's, one, thing, I, do, know."

"And what is that you pathetic little wretch?"

I managed a shaky grin, "you, will see."

Again the things laughter echoed, "I truly doubt it, child, but before I knock you unconscious, there is one thing I would like to know."

I didn't reply; I couldn't the agony was too horrid, sickness welled in my guts so much I was afraid that I would puke in any second and I could barely keep my eyes open.

"Why do you want to go through that door so badly?"

"Don't, you, know?"

"Of course I don't know you stupid boy!" it snarled, "why would I be asking if I did?"

"I, Don't, Know."

"Tell me, if you do I will knock you out now and spear you any more pain."

Despite myself, I laughed although it sent more waves of pain I sniggered and said, "no."

In the blink of an eye I slashed out my sword, and again it cut through nothingness. But I didn't care it was more a gesture of defiance, to show I would never give up not now, not ever.

"That wasn't my decision boy," it said, "and like every decision we all have to face the consequence of it, don't we?"

"Yes...yes...we...all do."

Another attack came this one smashing painfully into my forearm, but now I was ready, keeping myself grounded against the force then cut out in its general direction but found more nothing.

"I don't care how many times you hit me!" I roared, "I don't care if you break every bone in my body, I will make you pay."

I smiled, "anyway I've already had all my bones shattered once before what's one more time then?"

"Insolent child!" It snarled out as a sudden and powerful new instinct made me skid sidewards and back to my feet.

I had just dodged its attack, I just knew it, and this was emphasised further by the few seconds of silence which followed.

"I'll ask you once again, why do you want to enter into the bunker so badly Attelus?" It said, finally breaking the lull.

"Why do you want to know so badly Thing?" I countered, now It was uncertain no longer brimming with such confidence and knowing that made me smile.

"This is not a game child, answer the question."

"No," and struck out but once more, nothing.

"Foolish boy," it said then punched me in the face, my world turned white hot with pain and the attack opened the cut on my cheek even further.

Dazed I still managed to strike back but again it proved futile.

Its kick followed which impacted into my side, jarring me from head to toe and sending me stumbling a few steps and yes my counter was again ineffective.

A fist smashed into my face, then another and another each making me see stars and feel more horrific pain.

But even still I kept my footing, despite the agony, despite the black spots in my vision and wooziness again I countered, and again it was for nothing.

"Why don't you go down!" It growled and punched the attack opening the cut along my cheek even more.

"Guess I'm tougher than you thou-"

Another punch interrupted me, crashing painfully against my cheek but this one I couldn't keep my footing. Too tired, too off balance and the impact flung me into one of the nearby tables, but I managed to stop myself falling further, leaning against it for support.

"Shut up!" It yelled and punched at me once more.

I moved, suddenly sidestepping the punch while simultaneously picking up one of the bottles of alcohol and smashing it into where I thought Its face was.

The Thing shrieked in agony as the bottle shattered against it, as shards of glass embedded into its skin and as the alcohol seeped into its wounds.

It stumbled away, now a disembodied, floating puddle of liquid which was beginning to mix with blood. "How did you know where I was?" It screamed through Its cries.

"The blood from the cut on my face," I managed, "the blood which still coats your hands."

My kick connected into it with a satisfying crunch, and it was sent hurtling to the floor, where It rolled around and moaned pathetically.

I began to approach It but felt an overwhelming wave of nausea that sent me stumbling to keep my feet, shaking it away I retrieved my sword pinned the squirming figure under foot and lowered the edge of my blade near the creature's throat which made It yelp out in fear.

"Now, whatever the hell you are, you will open that damn door for me," I growled, "and you are going to do it right, now."

I placed more pressure with my foot onto the creature which made it squirm all the more, "And change into something I can see, don't want you trying anything," I paused, "and if you even think of changing into Elandria I will...Well, I don't know what I would do."

"You will regret this-!"

Sudden rage almost overtook me, anger that I'd been holding back for a long time and I leaned closer to the Thing, placing slightly more pressure with my sword and said with slow deliberateness, "oh perhaps I will, but you won't be able EVER to regret anything, if you don't do it now!"

The Thing laughed, "can you hear yourself?" It cried, "you sound like a child! You wouldn't know how to intimidate someone even if you had a sword at their throat."

"Do you want to die?" I asked, "I should really just kill you right now."

"Why?" It asked, "because I killed Elandria? I was under orders to kill her! I am like you an assassin! We are the weapon! We are the tool! The one you should be avenging Elandria on is Glaitis-"

I shook my head and immediately regretted it as the dizziness came back, my face was numb now the newly forming bruises throbbing like hell, "stop it! Just stop it!" I snarled, "there is just one! One! Question is looming over you right now, so shut up! Just shut the hell up! And make your damn decision!"

"I should have killed you when I had the chance," It said sullenly.

I smiled, "yes, you really should have, I bet that you're regretting following Glaitis' order not to kill me now, aren't you?"

The Thing changed shimmering into form, into a mirror image of me, me with an expression of frustration and pain but otherwise untouched with injury, no shards of glass protruding from my clone's face and I couldn't help shake my head in evident distaste, why the hell did it have to change into me again?

It smiled up at me, obviously enjoying my discomfort.

I grimaced in disgust, "Get up and slowly."

"Of course," and It did as told all the while still grinning at me evilly.

"What the hell did you do to Olinthre?"

It sighed, a familiar mocking sound, "really Attelus, do you really care?"

"Would I be asking if I didn't?" I growled.

The Thing tilted its head in amusement, "you really do love to turn my own words against me, don't you? All this smart mouthing doesn't seem to be from someone meant to be mourning- ack!"

It was interrupted by me placing more pressure with my sword against Its neck, "yes taunt me more, just see how that turns out for you," I hissed.

"You are aware this has happened before hasn't it?" It said, "but then you had me at gunpoint just mere minutes ago, and I got out with no problem, didn't I?"

That I was well aware of but now I knew or at least had a basic idea of my opponent's skill and speed, but that was immaterial even with such knowledge I was still on the verge of collapsing. I could barely keep my eyes open; everything hurt I was sure if my opponent chose to take the offensive, I wouldn't stand a semblance of a chance even with my sword against Its throat.

Despite all of this and the pain, it caused I still forced a slow, deliberate grin to spread across my bruised, swollen face, "alright do it."

The eyebrows on my clone's face raised in bemusement, "what?"

"Do it, get out of this just do it, show me."

It looked at me, now not so sure of itself or not so sure of me, either way, I was getting somewhere.

"DO IT!" I roared suddenly, and with such force it made my enemy flinch in fright and even surprised myself.

It stood there motionless its hazel eyes never leaving mine how long we stood face too face I didn't know, was it seconds? Minutes? But it felt like forever all the while my heart leapt in my throat, in any second I knew it could lunge forward and take me down, in any second it could disarm me and break my neck. The pressure was intense every second I had to fight the fear twisting in my guts, every second I had to fight to keep my feet from going out from under me, every second was a war to keep my eyes locked to it's as I knew if I looked away just for a millisecond It would have me.

But finally, finally after what seemed to be an eternity it's jaw twitched in frustration and It let out a slight sigh of defeat as It looked to the floor.

"Now tell me, what did you do to Olinthre?" I said, trying hard to keep the relief from my voice.

My expression on Its face turned into one of extreme shame, whether this was at It being outplayed by me or it's a shame of what It had done to the major I wasn't sure.

"He is behind that couch," It said with a gesture indicating which one.

I pursed my lips, "lead the way."

It clenched Its jaw, turned and moved toward the couch all the while I kept my blade against the back of Its neck.

We slowly walked around the couch, and I saw him lying on the floor major Olinthre a dead major Olinthre his handsome face was now a deep shade of purple, his eyes were almost bulging from their sockets, and his tongue was hanging loosely from his mouth it was apparent he was suffocated.

Luckily It's back was to me so it couldn't see my sad expression, Olinthre seemed to be a good person and his death I felt to be responsible for, me being the one having egged him on into this.

Olinthre didn't deserve this fate; he really didn't.

"Now you know why you must not kill me Attelus," it said with surprising melancholy, "the only way we can keep this charade up is if I can go on pretending to be Taryst if both Taryst and Olinthre here are dead and anyone finds out, Emperor only knows how the men under their command would react."

"Well then why the hell did you kill him then?" I demanded, "when you did this you must have been aware of the potential consequences..."

"He was going to kill me Attelus, if I had tried to talk to him as Taryst, he was going to kill me, and I still have a mission to complete."

Olinthre was dead, and there was nothing more I could do for the poor major.

"Alright, move," I said, "open that damned door."

It nodded, and we turned toward that huge adamantium door.

"Are you just going to kill me once I get that door open for you?" It asked.

I smiled, "no I still need to bring you to the bunker, just in case if there are any traps or security measures you will have to bypass for me."

As we walked, I glanced down at my pistol still on the floor a good three metres away and well out of reach.

I didn't dare to try and get the gun as the act of doing so could potentially give the Thing an opening.

We approached the door, and It immediately flipped a slight switch which caused a touchpad to emerge from a hidden compartment in the wall.

It reached over with my long spindly fingers and began to type in the code.

"What's the password?" I asked.

It paused in its typing and looked over Its shoulder at me, its hazel eyes full with what seemed to be embarrassment, "uhhh..."

"What's the frigging password!" I yelled right in its ear while pushing more pressure with my sword.

"Alright! It's-it's," It sighed, "it's j-garrakson."

I raised an eyebrow in bemusement, "what?"

"Please don't ask me for the details."

I opened my mouth to ask anyway but decided against it

It finished typing and immediately what looked to be a retinal scanner slid out next to the keypad.

It placed its face into the scanner.

"Subject identified as Deltath Barhurst, access granted."

Then the large doors opened in a slow almost overdramatic way revealing the grim, metal elevator inside.

"You first," I said giving It a light shove as we stepped inside.

The Thing pushed the down button on the elevator, and it began its descent.

"So, I see that you logged into the system as Barhurst with the retinal scan," I said.

The Thing didn't reply It only gave me a distinctly contemptuous sidelong glare.

"From that I can only assume, you can't actually shape change," I carried on, "not properly anyway, the image which I see that is me is an illusion, so six months ago when you killed Barhurst you had his eyes implanted into your skull, which really shows that you are very, very dedicated to you're work."

"Oh so clever of you to figure that out," It said with a sarcastic sneer, "do you want a medal?"

I smiled, "so it's true then."

The Thing only shrugged.

It was then the elevator found it's destination and the doors slid open.

"You..."

"Yeah, yeah!" It interrupted, "me first, I know."

We emerged from the lift and into the room beyond it was stark and bright, white tiles lining the walls and the floor. On each side were what looked to be large cells six in total and at the end was another doorway.

"So what now?" It asked over Its shoulder, "are you going to kill me now?"

"What's behind that door?" I asked intentionally avoiding the question.

The Thing sighed, "It's Taryst's panic room where he keeps his cogitators and surveillance systems and supplies just in case."

I smiled, "of course it is, how far are we below the planet's surface?"

"Approximately seven miles," It said, "and before you ask you do not need a retinal scan for access it's a password again, and, that again is j-garrakson."

I shook my head, why did Taryst have all his passwords in Garrakson's name? Everything was getting stranger and stranger.

"How do you open the containment cells?"

"Each is opened with a basic switch outside each cell," it informed and looked at me again wide-eyed, "are you going to kill me?"

I met its gaze, intentionally letting its question hang for a few seconds. 'No," I said and smacked It over the skull with the hilt of my sword.

"Not yet."

Stepping over the Thing's unconscious form, I walked toward the door looking intently through the windows of each cell.

The first two where empty but the second on the right wasn't.

A corpse lay, and that corpse was without doubt Taryst, recognisable even after a while of decomposition.

I wasn't sure what to feel, I held no love for the rogue trader but he was one of those people who seemed larger than life, he had terrific charisma, a force of great personality before he retreated into this psychotic paranoia which ironically was one of the key reasons for his death.

My attention turned back to the Thing masquerading as me, and for a second some sick professional respect for it came to me. This thing was a true assassin one that behind the scenes had influenced so much in this game almost single-handed. It infiltrated Taryst's organisation without being detected for months waiting patiently for when to strike. It killed Taryst; one of the greatest rogue traders in the sector took his place as the head of a multi-planet organisation and acting in such a convincing way, it managed to fool men who had been working under Taryst for decades. So much so that only one realised something was wrong and though it had killed the girl I loved and I would forever hate it for that. But It was good, very good I had to give It that.

I sighed and moved onto the last two cells, and the one on the right made me freeze in my advance.

A woman was in the cell she lay on the floor in a deep sleep with a drip feed in her arm, she was blonde, and she was without a doubt the woman I had sparred with in my dream.

This must be Karmen Kons, the pet psyker of Taryst, the one who had allowed the rogue trader to delve into the minds of his employees and worked so long behind the scenes.

She was beautiful with a lean if a bit malnourished body and heart-shaped face.

This woman must know a lot; she was very close to the diseased rogue trader perhaps even more so than Barhurst was.

If I could help her into consciousness if I could get her talking what I could learn from her, but did I want to know it?

I sighed again and turned away from the cell to the next and what I saw made me drop my jaw in utter horror.

The corpse that lay within was barely recognisable after what must have looked to be a few months decomposition but being in such a stark environment it could have been dead a lot longer, I could only be thankful that the door kept the stench inside.

It wore a robe one that looked like a priest of the Ecclesiarchy would wear; although I wasn't sure who it was, I could see it was once a girl.

I knew then without a doubt this was the Interrogator I was sent to take a pict of I had this plan in my mind that if she were alive I would force this chameleon thing to change into her and then I'd kill It take a photo of its corpse. Send that to Edracian then escape with the real Interrogator, maybe making whoever this person's master was, in my debt.

That was the reason why I had knocked the thing unconscious to see if It could hold onto a form while out cold. I glanced over to it seeing that It still kept my appearance.

Well, it looked like that plan was down the drain, and I reached into my pocket for the pict taker.

But then it hit me like a punch to the guts which made my eyes go wide, and my mouth gaped. If the good medicae Feuilt had been down here numerous times to give the psyker her daily dose of drugs he must have at some point seen the two corpses in these cells he must have known that one was Taryst! Wait what it was he said before I went through the curtains to confront Taryst; "Don't die Attelus Kaltos, life is tough, but you must live on, or let me reiterate, don't let yourself die." Did he know about me being poisoned?

Feuilt was the spy that Edracian had bragged about and not just that he was also working under Glaitis as well, Feuilt was a triple agent!

But how did he dodge the unscrupulous gaze of the psyker?

I glanced over my shoulder to the unconscious form in the other cell she knew something she must know something I turned back to the cell with the Interrogator's corpse I pulled out the pict taker in my jacket's pocket and took the picture.

"Well, well well!" came the voice through my thoughts so suddenly I almost made me jump out of my skin, "you did it Attelus Kaltos why I am quite impressed."

"Edracian!" I snarled, "Feuilt was your spy!"

The Inquisitor laughed, "of course I thought it would be obvious, he was Glaitis' spy, Taryst's medicae but all along my agent and I have another thing to tell you."

"What?"

"You were never poisoned, Attelus; we injected you with a nerve agent. You are not going to die; there is no cure you never needed one!"

"But-!"

"You did well Attelus Xanthis Kaltos, you really, really did well. You jumped through all my hoops like a good little pawn."

With a roar of rage, I smashed my fist against the glass of the nearest containment cell.

"You bastard!" I yelled, "You frigging bastard! I swear! I will kill you! I will hunt you down and I you will pay! How dare you, how frigging dare you!"

Edracian's voice only laughed, "why are you so upset? Are you not used to being a pawn already? You have always been one so it would seem logical."

Then the voice was gone. I let out another roar and kicked the glass of the cell holding the comatose Karmen Kons, and I was about to kick again but stopped then pushed the switch to the jail.

This Karmen Kons she was was going to help me; she was going to tell me all the information I needed, whether she wanted to or not.

[knightedrogue]

Ficlet: Celebration

Note: I have no idea where this came from. Why did the Scoundress Saturday prompt celebration turn into this? I have no idea. Read beneath the cut, language warnings apply.

Han Solo awoke with unusually sharp clarity the morning after the Alliance’s victory at Endor. The air was warm, the sheets beneath him were soft, the woman at his side was utterly breathtaking. And then, too, he’d imbibed entirely too much alcohol last night, which should have meant a thoroughly awful awakening. 

But his eyes flew open, lightning fast and without the drowsy spell of early morning. He stared at the hull above him, completely aware of his surroundings and the events of the last few days. His rescue, the signing of his commission, the defeat of the Emperor.

The revelations.

Oh, hell, he thought. The revelations.

He turned his head and looked at Leia. Eyes closed, hair a mess, breathing deeply. She would probably insist that she looked terrible but he adored this newfound intimacy. After three years of seeing her unassailable resiliency and perfect control, her humanity humbled and amused him. Who else saw this woman in such complete disarray? Not a damn soul.

He paused.

Who else had seen the devastation of last night? The emotional fallout of discovering the rotted trunk at the center of the Skywalker family tree?

Han blinked and sat up, careful not to wake Leia. He swung his legs over the side of his bunk and stood, turning once to make sure she still slept peacefully. His chest clenched, thinking of her pain the night before and the pain she would feel when she opened her eyes. And he thought with some degree of wonder that he needed to deal with his own emotional shit before she awoke and needed him to be calm and stable. For her.

He threw on a pair of pants and left the cabin, wiping a hand over his face as the hatch breezed shut. The Falcon’s deckplates were pleasantly warm against his feet—it was so much easier to tread barefoot on the ship when they were planetside—and he ambled to the galley, intent on a cup of caf. Hell if he knew how to do any emotional processing without caffeine.

He entered the galley, flipped the caf machine on and turned to survey the state of his ship. And there, quietly sitting at the navigation console and nursing his own mug of caf, was Luke Skywalker.

“Good morning,” Luke said with a short nod.

Han frowned. “Morning, kid. What are you doing here?”

Han didn’t know much about Jedi. If Luke’s behavior since Han’s release from carbonite was any example, the farmboy was supposed to be moping around by himself somewhere contemplating the nature of the universe, not sitting on the Falcon with a cold cup of caf. Last night Han had told him that he and Leia would be turning in here, on the Falcon; the kid knew there was a good chance he would encounter one or both of them.

Luke smiled and opened his hands. “Caf,” he said.

“Seems a little too normal for a Jedi,” Han pointed out. “Don’t you have an existential crisis to have or something?”

He said it in a teasing tone, but, honestly, Han wasn’t sure that he was really teasing. Luke confused him now. His eyes had too much in them, his priorities seemed unfathomable, and how the fuck was he Leia’s twin brother? How? Nothing about the kid made sense to him anymore.

Luke shrugged. “Caf first, crisis second.”

Han eyed him, then turned to the caf machine and retrieved his own mug, planting himself at the holochess table. He hunched over his mug, bare torso leaning into the steam curling from his caf. “Good to know that some things never change.”

Quiet settled on them and Han’s mind whirled. He’d come out here for some distance from the children of Darth Vader, to work through his shock and confusion without either of them witnessing it.

Sometimes Luke had the worst timing.

“How is Leia?” Luke asked into the silence.

Han didn’t look up. He wrapped his hands around his mug and felt the first chill sweep over him. Why hadn’t he put on a shirt?

“She’s sleeping.”

“And before that? How was she?” Luke asked.

Han looked up sharply, the first flare of anger running through his chest. “You’re her brother, not her priest, Luke.”

Luke’s face instantly reddened, embarrassment obvious in the way his eyes widened and then fell. “I never said I was,” he said.

Han waved him off, aware that he had jumped to conclusions about Luke’s intent. The depths of Han’s distrust of this new Jedi-Luke were hitting him hard this morning.

“Sorry,” Han muttered, turning his face back down to the caf. “We’re all a little jumpy, I guess.”

“You can say that again,” Luke said. “I couldn’t sleep at all last night. I kind of just wandered around the village, thinking.”

Han nodded, lifting his mug to his lips and thinking that he’d had the same thought this morning. If Leia hadn’t needed him last night, he might have done the same.

“It’s a lot to think about,” he said over the lip of his mug. “I’ve had some shocks in my life, but you two take the prize.”

Luke laughed quietly. “Leia as my sister isn’t that far-fetched for me. But the other one….”

He trailed off and Han grimaced. His whole plan to work through his thoughts about the other one had been shot to hell and he was a little pissed about it. He’d already managed to jump all over Luke once this morning, He didn’t want to do it again.

At the very least, this Jedi had once been his friend, his little brother. Whatever he was now—and Han really didn’t know what he was anymore—Luke deserved more consideration than the blind distrust that Han was spouting at the moment.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea to talk about the other one right now,” Han said.

Luke looked up and held Han’s gaze, the sincerity in those blue eyes so real that Han frowned and had to look down again.

“We’ll have to deal with it eventually,” Luke said.

“Not this morning,” Han shot back, voice rising. “Not now.”

“Why not?”

Han’s unresolved, blistering anger raged against Luke’s honest question, white hot against his better nature. “Why not?” he bellowed. “Why not? Because he fucking tortured her, Luke! Because he strapped me to a scan grid and lopped off your hand! Why the hell should we have to deal with it now? Can’t we take a break from all this shit?”  

Luke blinked but didn’t respond. Han scoffed and looked away, fingers gripping his mug and shoulders tight, anger running up and down his spine like electrical pulses. This was why he wanted to be alone when this happened. This was why he didn’t want anybody to see his deep, dark anger. It wasn’t fair to Luke to yell at him about his biological father any more than it was fair to leave Leia alone to her despair last night.

And as much anger as Han felt about these revelations, wouldn’t Luke have more of a right to it than Han did? Shouldn’t it be Luke raging to him?

But rage wasn’t logical. Feelings weren’t logical. And Han was desperate to lead the path of destruction away from Leia, so Luke’s number was up.

“She’s broken, Luke,” he said, quieter now. “She’s a wreck.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Luke nod.

Han wasn’t done. “How the hell is she supposed to deal with that? This morning, tomorrow, forever? That she’s related to that monster, that evil son of a bitch? How?”

“I don’t know,” Luke said.

Han threw up his hands. “That’s great, kid. That solves it all, thanks.”

Luke took a sip of his caf, eyeing Han carefully. Han knew he looked insane, eyes wide and voice heavy, but he couldn’t seem to control his actions. Luke had opened up this box and he was damn well going to take whatever he got out of it. Han didn’t have any say in the matter anymore.

“Leia is going to have to deal with it. And you are going to have to deal with it,” Luke said after a moment.

“Me?” Han laughed, bitterness loud. “I’m fine. I can handle anything.”

“Han,” Luke said, his eyes kind but far too insightful for Han’s taste, “you’re allowed to be angry, too.”

“I’m fine,” he repeated.

“Sure. That’s why you’re yelling at me first thing in the morning? Because you’re fine?”

Han scowled. Luke was entirely too calm for this discussion. “I’m not the one—”

“You are,” Luke said. “You have to deal with this just like we do. It’s not simply about helping Leia. You have your own issues with him. And I think you know that.”

Han sat back against the bench, his words gone. Of all the places to strike him, Luke had sure picked the one that inflicted the most damage. He was angry. He was full of anger at the unfairness of it all, at the sick way fate or the Force or the gods made good people like Luke and Leia into traumatized pawns. He was angry that this huge victory was tarnished for them all, that he wasn’t still lying next to a happy, fulfilled Leia. He was angry that Luke had given the bastard a proper funeral, that Leia hadn’t been able to get a few blaster bolts in the armor, that Han himself hadn’t been able to express any of his own anger. He was angry that Leia was already talking about a press conference to reveal her paternity, that she had mentioned the Alderaanian diaspora, that she wondered if she should resign her position in High Command.

He was angry that the new life he wanted with the woman he loved now involved Darth fucking Vader.

Han looked at Luke, at Leia’s twin brother, at the last Jedi in the galaxy and said the only truth he really knew. “She doesn’t need me angry.”

Luke pressed his lips together. “Not angry, no,” he agreed. “But she might need you to be honest with her.”

Careful not to misinterpret Luke’s words again, Han glared at him. “I am honest with her,” he said. “She knows I’m pissed about this whole thing.”

“Good. Tell her again,” Luke said. “Over and over again until she really understands. She doesn’t need your pity.”

Han rolled his eyes. “You a therapist now?”

Luke grinned. “Just a brother, apparently. And someone who wishes he had what Leia has right now.”

Han’s heart seized again, a cold sadness gripping his lungs. He hadn’t really considered Luke’s isolationism, so focused on Leia as he was. 

 “You got us, kid. We may all be fucked up, but at least we’re fucked up together.”

Luke’s grin turned genuine, honest. “Thanks, Han,” he said, standing and walking his empty mug into the galley. Then he turned and retreated down the Falcon’s ring corridor, his footsteps loud down the boarding ramp.

Han tapped the rim of his mug with a finger, thinking about Luke, about Leia, about the consequences of their parentage and the tough road ahead of them all. After a few minutes’ reflection, he stood from the holochess table and moved back to his cabin, caf mug empty and waiting behind him.

[iheartarrow]

Random Arrow thoughts

Ok, I'm freaking out a little bit... Someone, pinch me... IS THIS REAL?! This episode of Arrow came straight out of fanfiction. It is too good to be true... yet it is... true... I am overwhelmed and befuddled and feel like a lost puppy right now. Because in this season (especially in 6x03 and6x04), Arrow is apparently, granting wishes and many fantasies of mine have become canon.  No one has ever preparedme for this, this is why I'm freaking out, cuz what's next?!...

I know that the other shoe is gonna drop soon enough, and this bliss cannot last forever, that's just the way TVland works, and also, it's Arrow, our heroes can never be absolutely happy for too long, there has to be conflict to further the story along. And the formula is simple - the happier it is in the beginning, the worse it's gonna be later (before it gets better again). So I do know I have to prepare myself for the shit that's about to hit Olicity in a few episodes, probably after the crossover.

Anyhow, going back to 6x04, here are some of my thoughts during this episode..

- It should have been named "Let's get it on..." instead, LOL. How many times did they try to have desert and were interrupted?! Blue balls won't look good on Oliver, Arrow, have mercy!

- The episode opened with a "date", or more like a hookup, BS style. I gotta say, I liked the wig. Blonde Laurel looks like a bitch, brunette Laurel looks wickedly nefarious. I liked that, but why did she need a wig at all, this puzzled me? Or does she think, she looks more attractive to men with dark hair?! What was the purpose of that wig? Not to be recognized?! Well, then she kills people left and right with blond hair, so that's not it, right?!... Oh, I get it... KC wore the wig for the element of surprise, so the fanboys would guess her by her back and pee their pants happy that their beloved BS is back (or should I say, KC is back, cuz their fascination with her, that I will never understand, has become like a cult following). Anyways, this is done for one purpose alone. BS always likes to make a scene with her entrance (yes, she's a bit of an attention whore, didn't you know?!), this time they figured a wig will do the job for her as a "surprise" element. Whatever...

Arrow is already being redundant with BS, considering she's not even close to being the main villain, has no agency of her own and is just another mercenary for hire. As the guys from Slander Ent. pointed out, she's a glorified lackey. Arrow hyped KC's return to Arrow as a villain, so much, but the pay off doesn't match the hype so far. BS's storyline resembles that of LL already. Either give her some interesting storyline, or get rid of her like you did with Laurel. I liked BS at first, but the more I watch her (and as often as I watch her), the more she starts to suck, because there's no moving forward with her story, she becomes a stale character, just like LL had become, before they had to kill her off. Though, in this episode she didn't suck that much, and her fighting improved (though it was Katie's double who gets the credit, the fight scenes were so darkened out, so you cannot tell the double and the actual actor apart, but it was still too obvious Arrow, you cannot fool me). I feel like I have to make my peace with BS the way she is and not expect her to progress. She's here as an eye candy for the fanboys, a consolation prize anyways. But as she still is a  small part of Arrow's overall story, I would expect the show to have learnt their mistakes with Laurel (and KC) from the first time around, and not repeat them with BS.

- Oliver and Felicity's date... I think now I know why Felicity calls BS "evil Laurel", because of her timing.  Girl, couldn't you murder that poor sap some other time? William picked out the tie and wanted to go to dinner with Felicity, too... Awww, that's so adorable. And yep, the  mini-Oliver totally has a crush on his father's girl. I love the relationship Arrow is building between the three  of them! Oliver remembering that it's been three years since they had their first date... Squeee!!! "Don't jinx it!" LOL.

You know, I like that Oliver is still a bit nervous on their date. It's a good kind of nervous. He talks about not  having been ready for their relationship then, not like he is now. This tells me that he knows, and knew back then  too, that this is it, Felicity is "it" - the love of his life. So yeah, he is nervous in a "anticipating something  wonderful in your life"-kind of way. Plus, that gorgeous woman is in front of him being all adorable and super  sexy. But the status of their relationship is still unconfirmed. He looks at her for answer when the lady asks if  they are back together. And Felicity got "the hint", called herself the mayor's girlfriend. It's for us to hear and  for the Olicity haters. They are back together, so stop asking the stupid question, m'kay?! Get over it! There's also calmness to Oliver that I love. He's matured, more grounded. I cannot believe how much he's grown as a  person. Adrian Chase was one heck of a therapist, LOL.

That nice lady was us, for sure. While she was fangirling over Olicity, I thought it would be funny if the news  came out that Mayor Handsome and Miss Felicity Smoak are back together, with a poll attached to it, vote yes or no.  LOL Star City ships Olicity. Also, why isn't there a man patting Oliver's shoulder and whispering "Good job on  getting your girl back, son!"?!

- Oliver understanding how it was for Felicity when he had to bail on her and was "dangling maybies"... Now you  know Oliver. It sucked! And I think he felt kind of alone and bored and useless, while his woman was neck deep in  Arrow business and he just had to let her go, do her stuff. I think that is what got to Oliver the most - not being  able to be a part of the thing that brought them together in the first place. That's how they met, how they've  gotten closer and fell in love - because of Arrow business. And Oliver not only renounced that part of himself, he  also renounced the part that allowed them to connect and was the major part of their relationship, it's basis. In  S4 we saw how Felicity was struggling to live a "normal" life without Arrow business. She missed that part of her  life, that's why they returned to Star City and stayed. Now it's Oliver's turn to be sidelined. He liked living in  Ivy Town (on the surface), but after last year's crossover, Oliver realized that his life could be happy without  being the Green Arrow, but it will never be full. This season he had to give up the hood again. Except now it's not  because he wanted to, it was a sacrifice for the sake of his son. 6x04 showed how much Oliver actually misses being  the GA, the action and being usefull, already!

Now, putting a mask on and chasing Felicity in the club, or helping Slade-cockblocker-Wilson... how is it different  than being an active member of the team?! I don't get the logic of this. If you're out, you're out, Oliver. No  exceptions. He could as well get killed on the mission with Slade, then little William will be the one saying "told  you so!". Agrhhh...

- Those kisses... I love those smooches. Felicity, please kiss Oliver more like that! It's super adorable!

- I don't trust Alena. At all. Even after she was shot and was all cozy and friendly with Felicity, I still don't  trust the girl. Look, she is responsible for an Argus agent being horribly murdered. And her reaction to that death  was telling not nice things about the kind of person she is... Plus, she represents Felicity's past life, a rather  dark past. I don't want a constant reminder of that on the show, in small doses Alena is ok, but not as a permanent  fixture. Plus, this whole "breaking internet" thing was a set up by Cayden James, so it's obvious that either he  gave Alena that shiner and told her to get Felicity involved, or he knew that if Alena smells trouble, she'd go to  Felicity for help. And either way, she's a pawn in his game. I feel like if Alena isn't working for Cayden, and she  actually is clean, she's still a redundant character, because she doesn't bring to the show any new skill or  ability that isn't already an atribute of another character. So why keep her then?! "I thought you wanted to change the world, and look where you ended up..." I loved this burn! Why did Felicity  apologize for telling the truth?! Also, this line reminded me of when paralyzed Felicity was hallucinating Goth  Felicity. Goth Felicity said the exact same thing to her "you wanted to change the world, look where it got you..."  This Alena character reminds me of that Goth Felicity, but not in a good way. I really hope she won't drag Felicity  back to old hacktivist habits.

- Why doesn't KC wear her hair up in a ponytail more?! It actually looked nice, certainly nicer than her usual hair  down over one shoulder. She calls herself "Dinah", so why does the team insist on calling her "evil Laurel"?! Call  her evil Dinah then, she's here as a counterpart of the new BC anyhow, not of dead Laurel. This show has too many  Dinahs with same abilities, it's ridiculous, Arrow!

- Felicity spent more than half of the episode in that gorgeous red dress. She looked so out of place in it in that  club, and I loved it. It was very funny.

- Felicity should have asked for a backup while going to the club. Or at least telling her team where she's at. It  was irresponsible. And later at Helix, almost got herself and Alena killed. Granted, she couldn't have known that  it would be so dangerous, but still, she's going after someone who plans on killing hundreds of millions of ppl,  gotta think smarter, girl. I get why she would feel guilty. Not only she let out Cayden James, but after Havenrock,  if CJ manages to kill so many people, she would feel that it's on her, too.

- I loved Oliver's pep talk. Last episode it was with Diggle, now with Felicity. They both helped Oliver to become  the GA. And all that effort is now for nothing, eh Oliver?! Where the hell did Felicity get the idea that Oliver  was doing it all by himself?! He never did, well... he tried, but he never succeeded. He was killing ppl, until you  and John set him straight (and Tommy's death, too), he was a crappy brother most of the time, super crappy CEO,  failed as a boyfriend and a fiance, etc... So let's not pretend that Oliver wasn't a screw up just cuz he got his  act together this season, okay Arrow?!

- Helix Dynamics... Nope, not liking it. I got an immediate recall of Fringe's Massive Dynamics,tbh. Plus the name  Helix is rooted in Felicity's old life. Also, the name sounds rather ominous, like Kord Industries, where they make  all kinds of dangerous stuff that bad guys later steal. I hope Felicity will rename the company, it doesn't roll  off the tongue right.

- Michael freaking Emerson is amazing!!! I certainly got an evil Finch vibe from Cayden James. God, he's a cold  motherfucker. I do not believe that he "changed" because of Argus keeping him locked in a shipping container. Argus  locked him up for a reason, I wanna know what that reason is. He must have done something very very bad to earn  such treatment. Lyla isn't Amanda Waller. I would love for papa Smoak to come back and have a hack off paired with  Felicity vs CJ. It would be awesome. Also, I had an idea that Felicity will probably go to jail for hacking the  vault's firewall (and probably, other crimes too), and Noah might take the fall and go to jail instead of her. It's  the only way I see to redeem an absentee father like Noah.

Or Felicity will have to hide and lead a reclusive life until she figures out a way to clear her name with the FBI.  Or she's gonna be recruited by the FBI. Either way, it would be interesting storyline and I wonder how it will  affect her relationship with Oliver. I have a feeling Arrow might do something similar to what Smallville did with  Chloe's character - her leaving the team and just disappearing. Felicity might be forced to do the same. And it  won't be Arrow breaking Olicity up, just separating them for a while. Cuz it's Arrow and they can't let Olicity be  happy on the background all the time...

If we are correct, then Olicity is gonna get married in the LOT crossover episode. If so, then won't marital  privilege kick in then?! Oliver cannot testify against his wife, nor she against him...

- I really hate it when a side character is pointing out an obvious thing that all the fans have figured out long  ago, yet the main character haven't got a clue about... I'm talking about Alena pointing out that Felicity should  use her chip as an idea for helping people and get her company started. We've been cultivating this idea for 1.5  years, come on, Felicity...

- WTF is Arclight?! Damien's dome was called an Arc, right?! Maybe CJ was working for DD back then when the Arc was  being built, and that's why Argus locked him up?! "Arclight" does sound like a cult thing, LOL. And Darkh's zombie  population did look like cult followers...

- Loved all the grunting while Oliver dropped on the couch with hands full of Felicity!!! And the ass grabbing, and  her hand sliding to his front... This new time slot is paying off bit by bit. Slade cockblocking them was not cool,  Arrow!

- Did anyone else have a thought that Diggle's drugs might be provided by Cayden as well? He set up a trap for  Felicity in today's episode, Diggle will probably become addicted to that drug, and will be off the team as well.  Could be, Cayden will be picking all the team members one by one?

- The only thing, missing from this episode, was the repeat of the glorious line "It feels really good having you  inside me...". It was such a right episode with a perfectly set up circumstances to bring that line back. Arrow,  how could you miss this opportunity to remind us of such perfect comedic Olicity moment?

- Loved Oliver on the comms. He looked absolutely out of place behind Felicity's computers, but that was the point,  and I loved it. The learning curve and the funny Oliver, loved every second of that scene.

This was a very good, solid episode. The reversal worked perfectly. One of my favorites of all Arrow episodes!!  This season is gonna be so AWESOME!!!

@almondblossomme @hope-for-olicity @tdgal1 @taurusclh @geneshaven @eilowyn1 @felicitys @nalla-madness @coal000