#(not that i dont have my own. i have my Creator. but god? god seems cool- as a concept im learning to play with at least)

[decolonize-the-everything]

AND ANOTHER THING

God didn't destroy hell or the devil or turn him to dust. He gave us a choice. He let his fav literally choose to exist as the leader of Hell.

I find this interesting as a queer person who's been persecuted by God's fandom (in the USA at least)

Also can someone tell me which version of the bible I should read? the one with the sections about all the monsters and prophecies seems fun 👀

[ummmmandy]

making art is labour too, if youre aware. you as an example and other artists are putting in work for games that get hosted on meiker. im actually coming from a place of concern because meiker keeps changing their rules that seem to profit them. yes youre basically able not to learn code but they are also able to not hire actual freelancers, which they would have to pay.

my god. i was like literally just talking about it, not even getting snappy but the instant bootlicking is a bit wild.

mentioning yandere dev because he scammed people by asking them to volunteer and then take away the rights of their art. your art and other people art is worth more than paying for it. also if they charge you for your own game, its not free? they chain it to their platform, where you dont get a penny?

Fully aware making art is work thanks 🫡 Must a website make zero profit ever, and be payed for and maintained and improved strictly out of the owners pocket forever to remain Pure to you? A website making any kind of profit to continue running does not make it evil and manipulative.

I also just straight up disagree about all these rule changes you have complaints about. That is not a thing that is happening. Meiker benefits from having people add their games to the site, and creators (of ALL skill levels) benefit from being able to easily make games and have them uploaded and hosted for free. & I'm assuming the vast majority of people uploading games to the site would never have attempted making a dress up game of their own without meiker's tools.

THAT is the point of the website. It lets ANYONE make games, not just a small handful of artists that would be hired for a curated dress up game site. That is not exploitation. If you can't understand that difference then I don't even know what to tell you.

For your sake I truly hope this is just somebody trying to get a rise on purpose and you don't actually believe what you're saying. Like think critically for one second come on man

[thatdeadaquarius]

hi! quick tip: if you’re on mobile type ‘:readmore:’ then hit enter! i dunno if you’ve been told but. yeah :)

also, your recent piece on apd was incredible!! very nice to see representation!! keep up the excellent work <3 it did get me thinking though: reader with vocal stims, cementing it in the acolytes’ minds that you don’t speak the language of teyvat, and then you’re all just stuck in this loop of “oh man they don’t speak the same language of me” but they DO

if asks are closed or this is outside of your comfort zone then feel free to delete! have a lovely day <3

AHFJLAKLOSUDBABWB U FELT REPRESENTED YAY!!

A cookie for thee, and also extra for telling me how to do Expand thingy on mobile ilysm 🤲🍩🍪✨️ (pspspsps all askers,, u get cookies,,cometothedarksidepspspspspsss)

I was so worried bc it wasnt like super all the aspects of Apd issues, and it was very based on my personal experience w/ similar symptoms + other bits of ppl's experience so i was hoping it still felt somewhat recognizable for ppl w/APD!! Tysm for the feedback :D

NOTE ABOUT VOCAL STIM DEPICTED:

So i think ive experienced verbal stims, so this is a combination of others shared experiences + personal experience, and while everybody experiences things individually/their own way, please let me know if there is something obviously inaccurate/maybe even offensive.

You will definitely not make me mad or otherwise offended, I really want to hear that kind of feedback from others who vocal stim!

Thank you so much for reading! :)

___________________♡_____________________

So lets just say that ur vocal stims r pretty non-verbal or non-sensical ("her sister was a WITCH BRO-" like memes that dont make sense to them)

Or like, u have verbal stims that r actual language but they dont hang around long enough to hear it maybe ??

♤

So like, this ends up happening

Chongyun was exploring near Qingce village for supernatural stuff as usual

And U were just vibin, chillin near Qingce village livin ur best Creator god cottagecore life

And ur like planting a new seedbed, Jueyun Chilis :) (bc jfc however bad it was to collect them in game, its 10x worse in person, ur tired of running around town getting chilis, Qingce isnt exactly flat 💀)

♡

And every seed u put in the dirt ur like "boop!"

And Chongyun comes by, bc u at edge of town, and the villagers mentioned a strange new traveler settling here

He immediately feels a wave of that same feeling he used to feel when the Creator god had their eyes on him, or would assist him in battles

So poor boy almost overheats trying to climb up the hill to ur house

And is like "??...Creator??"

Then kinda stops bc ur just like-

"Boop!" "Boop!" "Boop!" ☺️ LMAO

And then u finish planting seeds, get the watering can,,

And everytime u pour it just-

... "EJACK! Come, water!"

(Ur saying it so fast too, and he's still somewhat farther away, so he cant rlly hear that well too)

...

..

And its just so incomprehensible to Chongyun he's deadass like "A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE??!"

So of course,

He waves, 👋

And ur like omg icy boy!! :D 🧊💙

But u dont say anything yet, and then he starts,, miming?? He points at u? Then like?? Points up? The sky?? Then like, mimes swinging his claymore???

(ARE U THE CREATOR??!!)

U look up, very confused 🧐

He seemes frustrated.

Then he just kinda, bows and leaves?

...

...oh no.

Do Teyvat people speak that crazy language that u saw in game?

Instead of English??

Well.

Shit.

...

.... U havent rlly talked to anyone in Qingce yet since u just got here in Teyvat like a week ago

And found this abandoned house

♧

It just gets worse 😭

Bc slowly, one by one,

Each playable character in Liyue comes to attempt to talk to you

(And since u have a farm, and they keep giving u food/goods? For some reason?? U still dont need to go into town)

☆

At one point, even Zhongli shows up

And thru complex miming and hand motions u think he means dont worry abt him? Like just go back to what u were doing?? Okay??

U guess he's just gonna chill here for now?

...

...Zhongli just kinda,, squints, and puts his hand on his chin in his classic "thinking very hard" face

So ur tending to the garden saying,

" FREDDY! You're supposed to be on lockdown!Vanessa...I'm... a Material Gworl✨️"💀

...Just, on an endless loop LMAO-

...

(Hes trying to see if he recognizes any part of ur language, poor old man 🤔🤔😭)

♤

And it just snowballs even more, and now,

None of you have even tried to say a word to each other. 🤡

(Other than ur vocal stims)

...

Keqing: "Perhaps, it's similar to Fontaine's native language?"

You, in the background: "🎵 dUdE,,, sHe'S jUsT nOt InTo YoU 🎵" (mimicking the autotune and everything)

Ganyu & Keqing: "..."

You: " 🎵 gOtTa MoVe On, mOvE oN-🎵 Hurricane Katrina?? More like Hurricane Tortilla!"

Ganyu & Keqing: "...Can't be,"

"what else do we got? Should we call Yunjin to better mime for us??"

♡

Xiao's the first one to even get close to knowing u can actually talk to each other, bc he's always checking in on u most often <3

And he only heard u bc u swore u heard a monster outside ur house one night and came out ur house with a pitchfork, very nervous,

"...Hey there demons.. it's me.. ya boy."

(And u just keep stimming that out of nervousness to make urself feel better as u check around ur house lol)

Xiao: "??? Demons???!! WAIT-"

♧

By then, it literally took like 6 months for yall to finally have a real conversation 💀💀

...

(Chongyun got so embarassed bc he was one of the first few to misunderstand he overheated rip🙏)

Im. So. Sorry. This. Is. ✨️Ass✨️

Twas the best scenario i could come up with, im telling yall, im not as funny as the ppl who send in these asks 😔

Keep in mind, I never claimed i was funny or a good writer, u cant hold it against me lol /lh

Lower ur expectations LMAO

Well i hope u got sm enjoyment outta this anon, sorry abt the quality!! :)

Cheers,

🌒🌊🌧Aquarius♒️🌌🌘

[triglycercule]

I need to ask the mtt expert, do you think any of the murder trio would be religious?

ooooof this is a hard question to answer because personally i dont practice any religions specifically so i cant exactly offer the best answer to this DXXXX but i'll TRY. take everything i say with the fattest grain of salt. imagine the grain of salt is a salt lamp because i genuinely dont know that much about religion and belief

so i guess the first thing to consider is sans undertale since he's the one that all the mtt originate from. i dont think sans canonically is religious like at all. so if i wanted to take the easy route i COULD just says sans doesn't worship anything so its unlikely that any of the mtt would. but i wont because i have honor. i doubt that any of our surfaceworld religions wouldve made it into the underground since theyve been seperated from humanity for a long ass time. and i think undertale has its own belief based on the delta rune anyways so im gonna stick to that since it seems more plausible than just saying that dust is a hardcore buddist or something

for horror my answer like hell no. he mightve prayed for the angel described in the delta rune to save horrortale or something but i think those are just like desperate times call for shitty tries for ANYTHING to work. he literally describes horrortale as "living in a place like this is like living through an eternal hell" and i think that being in a place like horrortale would kill anyone's hope for some sort of angel to save them. plus i think he's too aware of the issues going on in horrortale to try and put his faith into something that doesn't exist AND also he wouldn't use religion as a moral guide. considering that he literally said in the horrortale flash game that he's "given up on figuring out what's right and what's wrong" (my king with an absolutely terrible moral compass LET'S GOOOOOO) (i love the horrortale flash game. i even have the quote saved because its such a good and important line for horror)

as for dust i think there's more of a possibility of him being religious (undertale delta rune based religion not any of the real world ones). the delta rune says that an angel who has seen the surface will descend from above and bring us freedom OR a harbinger of destruction as the angel of death, waiting to free monsterkind from this mortal realm. mostly gerson's words i stole this from the wiki because i cant be bothered to play undertale more than once. when translating dust's canon fics SPECIFICALLY the one called "a true hero appears" the topic of dust "liberating" the monsters of the underground and "granting their wish" to be free (even though he himself doesn't believe in the underground ever being free especially while hes in the middle of his "mad time") comes up. i dont think dust views himself as an angel at ALL like described in the prophecy but he could view himself as a "savior" type of person. it could be a really coincidental coincidence or it could be dust deciding to take up the role of the angel except a really really shitty one out of a desperate try for something to help like i mentioned with horror earlier. if we're going this route then him taking up the role of the angel could provide a sense of comfort that religion does and also shape his moral compass (i keep bringing these 2 things up because idrk why people worship. so i researched why so i can better support my arguments!!) with all the salvation liberation bullshit. personally i dont think that dust would exactly believe in himself as THE delta rune angel but more of just some sort of rouge savior but the possibility of going in a more delta rune religious way IS there

killer is in a completely different situation than dust and horror here (i'm not like the rest of yall ahh. get back in the original fishbowl you goldfish fuck) because he's AWARE of what arguably could be considered god in an utmv context. and obviously that's US the creators (players in his eyes. smh dont you know i havent played undertale in forever. i needa go back and do a true pacifist run. i did neutral because im shit at dodging attacks. but call me a CREATOR you second dimensional FUCK. you are a lower concept than me call me by a name i DESERVE) because for some reason and i completely forgot why he's aware of the creators. i think this could go in maybe two different ways where since killer is very much so aware that there are millions of gods(/creators. every one of us that creates something for utmv is a god in their multiverse LMAOOO) out there that he could completely just avoid religion itself since the usual reasons of comfort and moral alignment are completely debunked and pointless once you know that the gods that you could believe in just view you as code or characters to play around with. no comfort or morals to align with there. OR it could go in another direction where since killer is aware of the creators that he actually does end up worshiping SOME sort of us-based religion??? (what would that be called. do you think that theres a religion for all the self aware utmv characters who believe in creators. creatism. creationism. idk but would ink be the leader of that??? prophet type ass guy for creatism. this would be a cool concept someone else steal this from me and make a cooler story with it.) anyways i got side tracked. doesn't killer already believe that he has to do things that the creators want or something??? which COULD provide the moral compass part of religion. its definitely not a good moral compass but whatever killer believes his god wants of him he'll do. and also it might provide some sort of nihilistic depressive comfort knowing that everything is out of his hands and predetermined by a higher being. he already has that whole "lowly servant who'll do whats ordered of him" type shit going on. not unlikely that that could apply to the creators (or chara possibly. that relationship would be interesting if killer viewed them as a god and worshipped them as such. HM.)

anyways those are my thoughts on if i think the murder time trio would be religious. this was actually way longer than i expected but maybe thats just because i ramble a lot and have a lot of side thoughts. PERSONALLY i dont think any of them would worship a god just because i dont practice any religion and it makes it easier for me to characterize them without the religious barrier there. but also i do think there are possiblities of the trio all believing in a god (with horror maybe hopelessly believing the in the delta rune, dust becoming a delta rune esque figure, and killer's entire schtick with knowing about creators) but everyone has their own fanon interpretations on these characters!!! so if you wanna make them believe in religion or something then go then ahead and do that. maybe those possible points i brought up where they could worship a god will inspire someone or something idk. triglycercule OUT (off to reread horrortale for the 20th time today)

[pr3st0n-the-cl0ne]

HELLO, HUMANS!!

HELLO, I AM PRESTON, PRESTON. NOT "cLoNe RiGgY", "RaGgY" OR "PaStA mAn" THATS STUPID. GROW UP... ANYWAYS

I USE HE/HIM PRONOUNS

I WORK FOR THE BOSS!! IM AGAINST THOSE STUPID SHORTS CREATORS AND ESPECIALLY THE STUPID PAPER BOY AND HIS DUMB RABBIT MONKEY FRIEND.. TEAM CLONES!!

TAGS

-------------------

#ANTI RIGGY POST - I HATE THAT FREAK!

#ASK PRESTON - ANCWERING CRAP

#PRESTONS ADORATION TO THE ALMIGHT BOSS - LISTEN TO ME TALK ABOUT OUR ALMIGHTY GOD THE BOSS!!

#ANTI PAPER BOY POST - BASHING ON THE STUPID PAPER BOY

#MY COWORKER IS SO DUMB - DD, MY COWORKER, IS EMO AND CANT WRITE SCRIPTS (BUT I ALSO BE NICE TO HIM SOME PEOPLE ON HERE *COUGH COUGH* THE SIMPS SCARE HIM)

#PRESTONS OWN POST - ALL OF MY POSTS THAT I MAKE WILL HAVE THIS TAG

#WORRIED ABOUT MY FANS - WHY DO YOU GUYS DO THIS?? ARE YOU OKAY?? SHOULD I HIRE A THERAPIST???

#PRESTONS LIFE UPDATE - IRL ME TALKS ABOUT IMPORTANT STUFF, MIGHT HAVE TW SO LOOK OUT (SRS OUT OF CHARACTER TAG)

#I HATE M!A!S: M!A!S OTHERWIZE KNOWN AS MAGIC ANONS ARE ANONS WHO ARE LITTLE SHVT HEADS WHO DONT KNOW HOW TO BE KIND AND RESPECT ME!! THEY LIKE PULLING PRNSKS ONE ME AND I HATE ETHEMMM!!!! I HATE THEEMMMm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

#NOT PRESTON HERE - IRL ME SAYS STUFF, MIGHT BE OC UPDATES, MIGHT BE SHOUTOUTS STUFF LIKE THAT (NOT SRS OUT OF CHARACTER TAG)

AVPBITCH SHOULD GO FVCKING DIE: I HATE ANTI VPN!! THEY EXPLODE MY CM THEN THE FACILITY THEN THEY JUST HAVE SO MUCH SASS AND THEY THINK THEY ARE A GOD!! THEY SHOULD DIE!! THEY FILL ME WITH SO MUCH RAGE AND THEY REFUSE TO LET ME KILL THEM!!

-------------------------------------

ANONS:

WUSS ANON: THE ONE THAT MAKES ME SOUND EMO AND DPRESSED LIKE DD

DD FAN ANON: PRETTY COOL PERSON, IM PRETTY SURE THEY LIKE DD MORE THEN ME BUT THATS OKAY BECAUSE THEY STILL ARE ON THE CLONES SIDE

DD SIMP ANON: HELP THEY TRIED HAVING S3X WITH MY COWORKER SOS SOS SOS

ME SIMP ANON 1/2/3: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THIS ONE?!??! WHY DO PEOPLE FIND ME HOT?!?!? I AM A EVIL CLONE OF A RABBIT MONKEY NOT SOME ULTRA SEXY MAN!!

UNPLEASANT ANON: THEY SEEM OKAY... BAD COLOR SCHEME.

------- ANON:

----------------------------------------------------------------

THATS ALL MY ADORING FANS AND OR POOR, SAD, HATERS

AHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA

[the-s1lly-corner]

I'm back on my silly goofy haha bullshit once more. [This time with itward]

Itward with a reader who likes to make bread and tend to plants, maybe they make flower crowns and gifts for itward like bread and plant related things! [A basket made out of dead grass or handmade paper/books! Paper can be made from a bunch of weeds and just plants in general mixed with baking soda and boiled!]

Make sure to take time to rest, get water and eat something, such as a snack! :D

Itward x reader who bakes and does plant stuff !

LETS GO ITWARD FANS WE EATING TONIGHT!!!!!

God I'm so so sad that fran bow and little misfortune is.. not that popular <\3 or at least doesnt have a huge active fanbase

Which sucks because it deserves the attention! The game is amazing and did a lot for me growing up (comfort media am I right?) And you can tell the creators put so so so much passion into the games

Also itward pretty

Honestly until we are confirmed otherwise, I like to think that everyone returned to ithersta after the end of the game... and until more content comes out (iirc they are working on a DLC bonus chapter! Dont quote me on that !!) And disproves that, I am going to believe that itward raises fran in ithrsta

Anyways

Whether the reader is human or from a different reality, they're here in ithersta, too! Plus I think that's the most fitting place given the prompt :0

You and itward love baking together, often exchanging recipes and sharing tips on how to get the best product!

Imagine you two start a garden in order to be more self sufficient! Berries and veggies (get creative with the bread flavors!!!!) and the like are grown in your garden as well as some herbs and such! As well as other general plants that may be needed for whatever; potions, ointments, ect!

Plus itward just seems to be the type to be as self sufficient as possible, doesn't tend to buy things unless it's something he truly cant produce on his own..

Very friendly but asides from Fran, mr midnight, palontras, ziar, and the great wizard, and even cogwing, I dont think itward speaks to many people, given his introverted nature... at least according to the character sheet KMGs posted a few months ago!

Keeps every single piece of paper you've made for him. Compiling them all into multiple books! Keeps all his books in a little shelf he built in his ship... they're all kept neat, tidy, and dusted!

Ooouuugh he looooves when you make him flower crowns, loves slipping them around his hat and letting them rest on the brim of it

Dries out the crowns so he can preserve them for as long as possible... adds them to the main area of his flying ship, where the little shadow theatre thing is!

No thoughts only you two in the garden and he tucks a flower behind your ear.. looks at you with so so much love

You think his eyes can get all huge? Like cat eyes? Because I think so... his eyes get all round when he looks at you

Full of love

Okay back to the baking portion of this because I'm kind of neglecting it a bit, I feel

Theres nothing sweeter than baking something with your loved one, and enjoying your team work and company

I think you guys would have music softly playing in the background while you both work together

Maybe I want to rewatch fried green tomatoes, but you guys end up having a lighthearted food fight

Completely out of character for itward, but I think you can spark this silliness in him

Plus despite what the suit may imply, I think itward doesnt mind getting dirty... I mean he literally is an engineer! Bro probably gets greasy sometimes! Please help him clean the crevices between his bones

... that's another idea I absolutely adore and have talked about ^^^

Hold his hand and help him clean between his bones, please please he'd be so still and patient

[lucabyte]

ADORE your Siffrin gender essay. I appreciate the focus on using direct lines from the game and providing references. You put into words well from what I saw in the game as well and explained it all really well.

Very sidenote from but hell yeah aroace Ash

*does a sick kickflip and high-fives you*

yeah evidence is swag i love evidence. I don't know how else to put it LMAOO. okay let me try and be coherent

I think as an OC creator first and foremost I interact with canon characters, especially of smaller works like this, with a very "what was the author intending? what did they want to tell me, the audience?" mindset.

I specify as like, as an OC creator because of like... I think its a dual-pronged thing.

I know what it's like to write a guy and try and imbue them with knowledge that i Have but they will never be able to just Say Aloud Via Their Mouths (because some characters will just never say some things), but that there's always evidence for the authorial intent SOMEWHERE if you can just triangulate enough pieces...

I have a big beautiful playground full of guys to project my identity unto whenever i want to (hits a larger than average number of my ocs with the aroace nonbinary beam) and that means both a. I come to (well-written) canon characters with a mindset that, oh thank god, they AREN'T mine. I get to use this to explore someone else's mindset, try and decenter my own experience, practice whatever empathy they are leading me to practice. and b. I've already learned that variety is the spice of Character Creation and i'm on the prowl for new things I haven't already made or seen. And amab NBs are not. Commonly seen. So I latched onto that motherfucker like a crocodile about to death roll him and started scouring for supporting evidence.

So yeah. I come at the text with I think, a slightly different angle than the usual "just playing in the fandom space for fun". which like. i AM having fun. i almost feel bad how much fun i'm having, sorry to my ocs who are collecting dust LOL. But it does mean I'm presumably coming at this from a weird angle to begin with, thus, my want to treat it like a more academic endeavour where I Cite my Sources and point out where I'm getting my ideas from.

I also like. haven't interacted with fandom at large for. a number of years. so my barometer on how much I have to explain myself is WACKY. this is what you get from only hanging out with lit and classic students who can't make a gay catboy without psychoanalysing them to the Nth degree. But again I'm having fun so we stay silly.

And i am SO glad that i wasnt the only person drawing these conclusions. Glad to see people immediately going "oh yeah i thought this!!" because like. i dont read other peoples meta. i had NO idea if this was just gonna like. go down like a lead balloon because I'd stepped on everyone's collective toes instead. Glad it does not seem to have in these first couple hours at least

also yeah sidenote god ash ketchum is so aroace. He's only got time for one partner and that's his pokemon partner motherfucker. No time for romance he's on that Seeing The Wonders Of The World Grindset. that complete blank nonreaction to being kissed by serena never fails to make me lose my shit thinking about it. sorry girl you have bet on the wrrrooooong ponyta

[capcavan]

Hi sorry to bother you but could you elaborate more on how to properly write Riko in general. Like what it would take for him to actually cross that line and get his hands dirty, how he interacts with Tetsuji, and anything else you can think of. All your takes are so interesting!!

pls dont feel sorry if there is one thing that makes me happy is talking about preccious babygirl riko moriyama. Please don't take it as guide or rules in the end every writer and creator will characterize character in their own way and my take on it will higlight my ideas and my preferences trust your ideas and remember that your story might need something else, but feel free to take inspiration from this post if you se it fitting! general ruminations and headcannons about it all from me, if any of them will stand up to you feel free to ask further i will do my best to elaborate:

what would take for riko to cross the line, this is soemthign that would be intimatelly dependant on story you write and reltionships the character form, there is popular post in fandom that goes along the lines ,, there is not such thing as ooc behaviour of character if you find an organic way to explin why they end up actign this way '' the occ part would be expecting canon riko to rape or kill for exmaple this would mean you need to probe and push at his relationship with sexuality or need for power i don't want to focus on giving direct examples since that's something that organically would be plot point in a fanfiction but if raven neil would be rivaling with riko for power in nest in a way no other raven player would ever been able to - neil is direct competition to riko's cruelity and ability to manipulate people - riko might end up going over the line with him , important thing is for me, it would never be somethgin happening early in the rivality, it would be end all means . Riko would not resort to such move unless he saw no other way to proceed or get his way, Riko comiting those acts means he is happy to end up punished for them end in prizon let go of his dreams and future just to bring harm to the person that inconveniences him. I firmly belive that if Riko knew ichirou will shoot him for all the mess he caused durign aftg he would have never done that. So yeah In my view Riko choosing to kill somone is making peace with his own life being ruined. Personally I have anger issues and when they get triggered all i can think of is how much i want to harm others because when I am triggered it feels like the pain and dread i feel are not something anyone else can experience and the only way i could ever be understood and offered help in those moments is if i will bring everyone else down to my level - i think this is how riko's life is, the bottom line is he will not make others hurt more than he is hurting so the worse his situation gets the more he will drag others down Riko's relationship with tetsuji is dreadful thing, Tetsuji in a way is the only reason Riko got to live past his teenge years, tetsuji is his groomer abuser and idol, Tetsuji si riko's god. I think riko is incapable to act out towards him because of crippling fear and need of his approval, because this is how tetsuji raised him. Riko is dog who was beaten by his owner whole life but unlike dog he has enough human conscience to not bite back. Riko will listen and obey to him not because he respects him but because he was raised this way , he was beaten into it , even if riko wanted to disobey tetsuji his body would not listen, submittign to master is in Riko's nature and is hard coded in all cells of his body. but more headcanon route I think it's interestign to consider all the ways why riko might be disgusted by sex, in general his character reads very asexual to me but not in the commonly accepted tumblr way, he just does not seem to have sex drive one would expect of him, and simply uses sex as wepon and punishement .

[spicybylerpolls]

I mean... people act differently in the bedroom. Just point blank, if you look at your friend and go "she would never do that nah." Its possible, she could be a closet freak. No one acts like themselves in the bedroom. So nothing is really out of character unless there is canon material for how they act in such situations.

i just found this on a reddit thread that complains about smut being out of character in fandom in general and it seems like these debates we have re: byler (esp top and bottom, sub and dom) happen everywhere, and tbh, that fact alone speaks volumes? the above argument has been used for byler on this very blog! while it is technically true, it also seems to me to be a bit too obvious and a crutch/excuse for bad writing. for example, the duffers could have said 'mike has never been in a mall before s3, who knows how he'll react?' and then he's opening s3 just twerking on the mall fountain while waving his top around cos he's so excited about all the new shops and the free cinema trips and ice cream. i mean, technically its possible, but is that really mike?

thats a very infantile example because sexuality is complex. but my point is: I KNOW people do act differently in the bedroom, because it brings out another side of people, but the point stands about what 'out of character' actually means, and in writing you need a set of rules decreeing the boundaries of a fictional character - a personality outline - because otherwise their edges blur and they become everyone and no one. and i think this is the problem with lots of smut, as this user wrote:

It's sex scenes where characters stop being themselves and just start being people who are having sex. The sex scenes that feel very could-be-in-any-fandom. Like, for example, when people stop talking like themselves, and not because it's dirty talk or kink or whatever.

THIS! the amount of smut i've read where mike and will could suddenly be interchangeable with any character from any story anywhere, because theyre just two bodies doing sex acts. there are carbon copy phrases and buzzwords (apparently there's even a famous essay on this, says one user: 'you may enjoy ariaste's one finger/two fingers/three fingers/cock rant...')

this is what i mean when i say bad writing. someone on the thread explained that 'A lot of fanfiction is wish-fulfillment, and many of us want to believe the characters we're attracted to are sex gods, even if there's no canonical evidence of it.' the idea of mike and will being sex gods made me laugh and i think very few people who discuss byler seriously here believe they would be, but the operative phrase here is 'characters we are attracted to.' i think this is an unspoken part of fandom, and what divides fans who create fanworks, and original creators. the argument 'the duffers aren't creeps for writing teen sex so why are we?' does hold much water, not because writing smutfic makes you a creep, but because fans are infatuated with characters in a way that original creators usually aren't.

but why not? i dont think it's weird or bad to fall in love with a character. but this still doesnt answer the question of why many writers choose to lean towards this tried-and-typical smut style rather than aiming to emulate the characterisation or writing style of the original creators. so....

why do people think this might be? here are some of my suggestions, and i would love if some of the people who respond are also people who have written/thought about writing their own smut and answer honestly about their thought processes! choose the best that applies to you. thanks to all who partake!

A) the only access to erotic literature i've had in general is via fanfiction, so i can't see any other way of writing it.

B) i've read published erotic fiction and i end up emulating that rather than fanfiction, so i dont think my work is tropey or fanfic-typical.

C) i've read published novels that include sex written in a way i like, so i try to take inspiration from that instead.

D) i write sex the way I have sex/think about sex i've had in real life.

E) i write sex the way I imagine/want to have sex in real life, and this is mostly influenced by porn/fanfiction fantasies.

F) i write sex the way i imagine/want to have it in real life, and this is mostly influenced by my own individual imagination/life experience rather than porn/fanfiction.

G) i prefer the writing style in much of smut fanfiction (e.g. tropes and well-used phrases) because i find them genuinely realistic to character.

H) i prefer the writing style in much of smut fanfiction (e.g. tropes and well-used phrases) because i find them hottest and i typically prioritise this over realistic characterisation.

I) i worry that if my smut is too personal or doesnt read as familiar, people won't like it and i typically (but not always) prioritise audience response over artistic expression or experimentation. i want to add to the canon of byler smut in a familiar way.

J) i try to prioritise what i genuinely think the characters would do during sex rather than my own fantasies/projections/aspirations for either the characters or for myself.

K) i don't usually think this hard about smut.

L) i believe that smut fanfiction, including tropes and well-used buzzwords, does make genuinely compelling and wonderful reading, and i'm happy with the state of smut in general.

Please note that the purpose of this blog is not to be creepy or to make anyone uncomfortable. That's why I created the #spicy byler tag (I will tag all polls with this). If you don't want to see this blog or anything related to it on your feed, please block that tag. Not everyone is comfortable with this sorta stuff, and that's okay.

[slimy-vore-bog]

WARNING: groomer in the SFW vore community (serious)

Content/Trigger warning: discussions of grooming, mention of incest, and sexual and fatal vore

I am posting to tags to try to keep people safe!

This specifically occured in the Owl House corner of this community, but everyone should be warned

I will put the rest of the post below keep reading, but for now the person I'm accussing is known as "les-the-mess" on here and "LesTheMessy" on DeviantArt (I do not remember the discord name) and she is 23/24 years of age

And lastly that a real minor has been contacted by said person and made very uncomfortable (url will not be stated for their safety)

Remember to check everything I say for yourself, if you don't believe me; I would not accuse this person publicly if I didn't consider them a real threat All except the minor's statement are available online

I am feeling sick to my stomach that this happened and I don't know how to handle this. I'm going to tell this a bit more like a story so I can get it out easier

I was on DA (DeviantArt) when I saw something odd pop up; a vore edit of Catra and Adora with Luz and Amity as prey. I looked at it, because I am always up to find more sfw safe vore creators, but it was neither safe or non-sexual

There were clearly comments engaging with the art in a sexual way and the creator didn't discourage or delete said comments and the description itself mentioned how the vore was going to end with both prey characters dying.

This person had an identical avatar and near identical username to their URL here on tumblr and I was horrified as I knew that this person had interacted with a minor despite having "minors DNI" and that already gave me a slight prickling suspicion something was wrong (later learned she has even DMed them on discord...)

They had both minors and NSFW in her DNI so I didn't have anything to go after, as they didn't have any post with suspicious stuff here or followed any weird blogs and I brushed it off initially

Her posts on DA however... Very fucking damning: almost all their edits are of minors and adults in vore or of the character The Collector (Which is a child who is also a god; he is immortal, but at the point we last see them is mentally an 8-10 year old)

Now I didn't pick the most damning thing to screenshot, as it was too gross (unbirth incest between Luz the main character, her girlfriend and Luz's mother Camila) but here is one example of one of their posts:

Odalia/nickname Mamadalia is an antagonist of the show and an adult woman

Here is a screenshot of her account on tumblr:

Very lousily taken, but I was too distraught to care

I contacted the minor (who I am already friendly with, since I wanted to support the growth of their blog) as soon as I deemed this person to be a threat and the minor has told me that she has indeed acted weird towards them, but it only clicked now after I shared what I did...

The minors own words when I asked for details:

"I can't remeber what we talked about exactly since I deleted my discord in a panic-

But it was first of with the collector, at first it seemed harmless, but I started getting uncomfortable when it entered into the vore Stuff, like, I dont why but it rubbed me the wrong way but I didnt say anything since it sorta felt…uneasy to say the least, and i feel stupid because i never said anything about it

She also talked a lot about digestion aswell, and when I brought up the no minors thing- she said it was because she managed and 18+ discord server and it was okay for us to talk, and I feel this is extremely important to mention- she reposted your art to me without credit, I cant remeber everything but i hope this is enough"

Now the last thing I will say I don't have much of an opinion on, because of how severe the situation is, but I wanted to include the full message (Split up into paragraphs for easier reading)

I might have forgotten some stuff, but this is all I can think of right now

Please just stay safe, stay away and block/report this person!

[blueiight]

i had this thought about how when louis not looking claudia and lestat throw knives at each other and shit like that. it made me laugh idk. they seem like they’d be on that type of time. like when he’s not home they be aggressively passive aggressive towards one another. i think if lestat tried to movie antoinette in, claudia would constantly lock her out during the day. shes would try to kill her daily bc antoinette and lestat would be insufferable. and she would plot and succeed on eventually without louis there to thwart the plans.

oh that was one of my fav parts of the show. claudia matches lestat blow for blow, is vicious with the reminder of the shared ‘bond’ of racialization that she shares with louis that lestat does not have, excluding the creator from his architects of creation in mind & spirit. likening lestat to bruce on the telepathic butt dial, openly mocking lestat to his face likening him to a slavemaster. and all of this is with louis being alive + after lestat strongarmed her off the train. i dont think theres a viable situation where louis would kill himself successfully neither. think of his modern self comparing paul’s suicide on the day of grace’s wedding to his own attempt in 1x06 + not wanting to ‘ruin’ claudia’s attempt at liberation so… n that being louis so hypnotized in his own memory+ his own recall that i do believe in part that his own recall was how he felt in the 1930s at that time. bc claudia & lestat was still alive, he pushed himself off that bench n came home. provided a louis that went thru w the attempt , i do think theres also an underestimation of lestat’s own love here too. he genuinely loved louis with all he could , as cruel as s1 was, louis was his second go at love. after 100+ yrs of god knows what btwn nicki and b4 he met louis. provided lou rly did bite the bullet, i think les would just kill off annie bc shed serve no purpose for him no more. ‘antoinette would be suited for our lives together’ he said in 1x07 but only if louis was around in the first place. antoinette , to lestat, was always bait for what he ultimately wanted (which was louis’s time, attention, sex that he wasnt getting & to draw out the monster dwelling in louis by having louis ‘prove his love’ for lestat in killing her. thats what he wanted which made it beautifully ironic that claudia was the one who killed her) and in this situation of a dead!louis, lestat would also be even more hostile to claudia. he’d prolly blame claudia for louis killing himself n w no louis as their ‘ buffer ‘ theyd have no reason to even pretend to play brother and sister the way they hardly managed to in 1x06 & 1x07. like i said lestat and claudia r both very blunt, transparent creatures who make it pretty clear how they feel about somebody.

[halucynator]

LUCY HELLOOOOO. your local (tumblr the state) annoying mutual is going to haunt your inbox HI <3

you said your current obsession is hazbin hotel SO. TELL ME ABOUT IT. i had no idea what it is but i just searched it up to get the gist of it and it sounds soooooo cool omg. like who’s your favorite character(s) so far!!!! what’s your favorite episode (if you have one)!! and maybe favorite dynamics and why!!! feel free to rant bestieee <3 I LOVE YOUUU and i hope you’re doing well 🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽

NADINE HIIII SORRY ABOUT HOW LATE THIS IS OMG ANSJFNENSNF (also btw just so you know you can never be annoying i love getting asks from you <3) THANK YOU SM FOR THIS ASK OMG AKJSDHKASJHF

MAJOR hazbin hotel spoilers under the cut!! also mentions of stabbing and sexual themes because, well, it's hell and this show is literally about killings and its a mature content show lmao reader discretion is advised

the keep reading thing keeps moving what the fuck

hazbin hotel loml <3 djkasddsh im actually so obsessed with it you don't even get it like its crazyyy im brainrotting so hard abt this show lajshdjahsd

my favourite characters are like all of them angel, lucifer, adam, charlie and vaggie. and additional character lute bc she managed to scare adam but as i've said before this changes constantly lmao asjdhasjkdh

as i have also stated before i absolutely do NOT!! condone adams actions hes the antagonist i know and hes definitely not a good character (in fact my reaction was literally vaggies when he got stabbed oh my god akjsdjhkajshf) but HES FUNNY AS FUCK ASKJDJHASKJHFD but i assume he'd be very annoying to hang around lmao much like me <33 (just the annoying part, i havent committed mass genocide as of yet but im also only 19!! IM JOKINGDAJJSDHJKASHD) hes actually so funny and his reaction to stuff makes me laugh so hard. his reactions are so blunt like charlie literally stopping his super duper powerful attack and about to throw him and him just going 'woah what the fuck' or when charlie literally STABS him and he goes 'THE FUCK? THAT HURT' askjdasjghh everytime he was on screen i laughed so hard oh my god 😭 AND HIM GOING 'call me dickmaster' to charlie and charlie being so fed up AHKJSDHKAJSHFSLJJAHDSKJH OH MY GOD 😭 i will cry if he isnt in the next season. yes, hes a shitty character, yes i hate what he did he totally deserved that death btw but hes so fucking funny oh my god 😭

anyways, angel is just soo funny the way he deadpans everything, like something could be so important and he just goes 😐 is just so funny to me 😭 he's literally so funny to me you dont even understand lmao and his jokes alsdkhasfhjkl i saw someone say him and blitzø (from a show by the same creator set in the same place: hell) would be best friends and i totally agree alsdhasjkh also HIM PLAYING WITH THE WINDOW IN THE PILOT LIKE A LITTLE KID AKJSDHKAJSGKASGRFKSB and i feel so bad for him bc of ep 4 </3 i will cry (i did cry) like hes literally getting abused and everything is an act EVEN HIS VOICE?!??? DUDEE

lucifer oh my god eljashdjjhdg he is also so funny 😭 'my daughter wants to see me TAKE THAT DEPRESSION' IM DYING DUDEEE and his little rubber ducks 😭 ajsdhaksjdhah hes painted as such a scary character in the pilot and then you see him and youre like dude 😭 hes so funny 😭 and traumatised 😭and depressed 😭 and cute (not like appearance cute i mean like a cute dad and how he gets so happy when charlie calls him)😭 and actually not a bad dad i wish my dad was like that :(( AND HIM PICKING UP A CALL FROM HIS OWN DAUGHTER, CHARLIE, AND GOING 'HEYYY BITCHHH' ASLDKJHASKJHFAJSHJK AND LUCIFER AND ADAM LITERALLY FIGHTING AND LIKE TRYING TO KILL EACH OTHER AND LUCIFER GOING 'well your first wife didnt seem to hate what i had to offer. or the second bowchikawowow' DUDE HES SO ADJKAGKFSAGKHADSGFDSAHF

charliee <333 CHARLIEEE <333 i love charlie so much she's such a lil cutie and im like a little in love with her dudeee 😭 shes the ony character in the world whose random song outbursts i can tolerate kjahdahsd her va is actually so good at voicing her oh my god and her va's singing voice wow i love ittt smmm and charlie randomly insul.ting everyone in the pilot 'ALL YOU CRETINS SLUTS AND LOSERS SEXUAL DEVIANTS AND BOOZERS AND PRESCRIPTION DRUG ABUSERS' DUDE AJSHDAJKSHDF 😭

AND VAGGIEEE!!! shes actually so smart i know like charlie knows better than to make a deal with the devil (or... not? because she does end up making one) but like vaggies is the real reason. because if vaggie wasnt there she wouldve. infact, while her and vaggie werent talking charlie actually does omg 😭 but also just shows how selfless charlie is willing to give up her freedom (ish) for her people i would never dude but anyways!! vaggie!! and the fact that stephanie beatriz voices her oh my god i love her sm her voice is sooo relaxing

AND FINALLY!! LUTE!! her traumatising adam is my favourite thing everrr adam is so fucking batshit so its soo hard to scare him and then lutes there causing adam to do a fucking double take and process it adams literaly reaction 'did you just... woah chill lute what the fuck' and like SAME ADAM SAME ALSDNASJHFJA

favourite episode? probably 6 it has like most of my favourite character (minus lucifer :(() and like angel being used an example omg and him sticking it to the moth man (valentino) OH MY GODD and niffty 😭😭 oh my god niffty shes such a menace and i love her so much my god her literally ripping his fur and then going "FOR MY COLLECTION : ) IS SO FUNNY ASJKDDHKASJHF and sir pentious' anxiety!! 'CHERRI I WOULD LIKE TO BUY YOU A DRINK... BECAUSE IM BUYING EVERYONE A DRINK HERE' AND THEN HIM GOING 'CHERRI WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO THE... SEX WITH ME' and cherri going 'uh why would we have sex' and then pentious going 'BECAUSE IM HAVING SEX WITH EVERYONE HERE' DUDE THAT HAD ME SOBBING 😭 AND EMILY!!! shes a real angel going against all the other ones standing by charlies statement that angel can, in fact, be redeemed and so can any other sinner!! her going out of her way to help charlie willing to fall even!! and they literally look like sisters asdgahsdgjgh emily is sooo charlie as an angel

favourite dynamics!!! im not exactly sure what you mean by that so sorry if i understood it wrong &lt;33

husk and angel. i am a diehard huskerdust shipper sue me. loser baby is literally so cute and theyre literally made for each other idc its literally a extrovert (angel) and introvert ish (husk) relationship much like charlie and vaggies charlie being the extrovert and vaggie being the introvert (sorta) and i just love that so muchh and the way he puts on a show for angel despite saying hes not gonna put on a show for anyone hehe UGHHH I LOVE THEM SO MUCHHHHHHHHHHHH ASLKDKHALSJKFH

lute and adam. while i dont ship them their relationship is literally so funny and probably one of the best ones imo lmao its like toxic batshit person meets toxic batshit person 😭 lute and adam are literally so crazy and LUTES REACTION WHEN ADAM DIES AND THE FIRST TIME SHE SAYS HIS NAME AND THE WAY HE SMILES AT HER AS HES SLOWLY DYING OH MY GOD MY HEARTTT I WILL LITERALLY EXPLODE AJSHFKSAJFFJHHDFFNVNMB AND THEN THEM SINGING TOGETHER IN YOU DIDNT KNOW?? (coincidentally that bit is playing rn while i typed this lmao) theyre literally such a funny duo like best duo or whattttt

charlie and vaggie. thats all. i dont even need to expand. girlfriends <3 i love them together

lucifer and alastor omg. also i do not ship them at all what the fuck ew. (sorry if you do <33 but also not sorry => this isnt specifically aimed at you nadine lol just in case someone else is reading this jjahsjfhaskjh) i just found their dad off so funny 😭 ajkdhsakjdhaksjh theyre so funny actually i cant even with them hells greatest dad is literally such a funny song and llucifer aggresively playing violin as alastor plays the piano 😭

and angel and vaggie?? like i know we dont see a lot of them but they give me sibling vibes aldhksajhajh

charlie and angel bc when she hugs him and apologises ohmy god :(( and her crying when he forgives her like HE FORGAVE MEEEEE!! also sibling dynamic lmao

charlie and emily theyre literally siblings change my mind

i can say so much more but oh my god i need to shut up lmao i wrote a tiny bit too much 😭😭

and charlie with literally anyone shes literally so pure and sweet and cute and i love her and she gets along with literally anyone (maybee apart from adam and lute lajsdhjkashf) i mean to be fair her and adams dynamic is so funny 😭 adam is literally like 'call me dickmaster' traumatising this innocent (ish) child and then her being so fed up ajsdhakjshdkfjash

PENTIOUS AND CHERRY. AHDJDNSNZBFNR. THATS ALL. I THINK THE REASON EP 6 IS MY FAVOURITE IS BC OF THEIR INTERACTIONS AJDNDNNSNC

thank you SO much for this askk <33 i love youuuu <33 and i hope your day is going amazing!!

[evvlevie]

hi, ive been struggling with 2 things recently. the first one is that i sometimes have dreams about my old story. in the morning i always remind myself that it doesnt mean anything because i am the god of my reality but i wonder whether it means im not living in the end? another thing is checking the 3d. i am absolutely aware of the fact that the 3d is old newspaper, that it has no power and that checking it comes from not living in the end, but i did just check it, because i acted VERY spontanously and thought it was a good idea?? it didnt really trigger me, but i dont know what i should do now. do i revise not checking it? do i revise what i saw? thanks for the reply :))

Hi munchkin! so the first one is actually a situation I had my own problems with :)

a creator on TikTok explained once that since you are affirming for a new story, all that built up energy of your old story has to get out of the system somehow, and that this can happen through thoughts, 3D-circumstances or even dreams ;)

since then I started interpreting dreaming of unfavorable circumstances as a good thing, because I know that all of that stuff that I don’t want is being pushed out in order to make room for the new story 😼

your second problem is (in my humble opinion) an issue that people struggle with when they are new to manifestation and they are still very obsessed with their desires and anxious about how these things will come into fruition.

Maybe this post can help you overcome that feeling ⬆️

I always want people to remember that you make up your own rules in your own reality. You can easily decide that checking the 3D will not set you back in any way, and you can easily decide that you don‘t even have to live in the end in order to receive manifestations. Also: living in the end is not supposed to feel forced/fake/unnatural. Living in the end comes automatically with the acceptance that your desires are on your way to you, which means you ultimately just have to work on your trust in the universe.

i Hope I was able to help ❤️❤️❤️

[nettlewildfairy]

Tumblr made that big long post and a lot of people are angry reacting to some like surprisingly reasonable suggestions that solve widespread long time  complaints

i dont know how they plan to solve everything just yet but as someone who knows some things about the industry and jargon here are my 2 cents

Here is a link to the referenced post

Principle 1: Expand the ways new users can discover and sign up for Tumblr

in an age where most social media sites are making it aesoteric and difficult to share posts offsite /app tumblr is considering making it easier to do

yall do you know how hard it is to link a long tumblr post with like a comic or funny string of replies to share with my friends who arent on tumblr? i have to take like 15 screenshots every time. IF staff is priorizing making it easier to share posts that would be so much better oh my god 2 High quality content on launch.  the pessamistic assumption is that this could mean a mandatory algorithm but if you read carefully you’ll notice they never fully say thats even remotely what they are going to do. This seems to be a suggestion that the default new user experience will change. 

If you like me made an account 10 years ago this looks like it won’t affect your experience whatsoever. 

but like trying to sort through tags to find blogs and curate my own feed actively took like over a year to get to a place where i’m happy when i did it in 2011/2012

if feeds and tags Worked that would be good. the for you page and exploration features on tumblr do, admittedly suck right now. there SHould be easier ways to find and search for stuff on tumblr. if their search worked better and finding stuff you wanted to see was easier that Would improve the experience for most people on this site.  3. facilitate easier user participation in conversations folks if replys could be threaded in some way it would be 1000 times easeir to have convos with them. like i do not get what people are upset about here. like a person shouldn’t have to reblog their own post 15 times in a row to reply to different people about the same thing. they could make this so much better.  4. Retain and grow our creator base

 it IS hard for art to see and get seen. if i had a nickle for every time i saw a post begging people to reblog art i’d have like so many nickles.  I would like to see more art. and ttrpg creators. there’s like stuff i have to go to twitter for and its small time ttrpg, art, writing, and literary magazines because even when those folks are on tumblr its extraordinarily difficult to find them with the systems currently in place.

 like i don’t know that tumblr has a good plan to make this kind of thing easier but if they did figure it out it would rule. and its good to know that this is a priority for the company 5.  Create patterns that encourage users to keep returning to Tumblr

throttling notifications rules. i have commented on tumblr staff posts dozens of times for like 5+ years asking for this, thank GOD. if you reblog a lot of posts you get a lot of notes even if you have like 15 people regularly interacting with your stuff on 100 posts a day thats like 1500 notifications. it collapses some by post or interaction type but that is NOT enough and the notification bar always says 99+ unless i checked it less than a minute ago, im dying please make notifications meaningful and not overwhelming. 

6: Performance, stability and quality

this is generic and means very little obviously anyone making an app wants it to crash less often.  bonus: ive seen people get upset at the implication that they are instituting a mandatory algorithm but the site has had an option algorithm for like ages, it doesn't imply its mandatory anywhere or that they're taking away our option to turn it off. there are already artist showcase things on the dash on the regular, if you have adblock on you can’t see some of those, but they've had them for fully years. 

its highly unlikely that they would get rid of one of the main selling points of tumblr.com they’re like a real company thats done bare minimum market research, like folks no one other than musk would do something that boneheaded

[inkiest-silly]

Alright so uh, I’ve been getting a lot of soft mod hate on my tiktok fyp and I kinda ranted about it 🙏

Soft mod ,i know its like the big zaddy dom boy and the uwu soft boy a first glance- not everyone has to like it

Its not ment for you.

Simply dont hate on things you dont like hut that seems to ever happen in anyfandom

Perosnally people can have their own reworks on the mod in their mind like me and a freind do- the story isnt that bad you guus are just looking for so mnay reasons to hate on this mod- i know its not the wbst but people like the UWU version of swap sans from the undertale au verses still. Eveyone WILL like spmething you dont - hate on me all you want,hating does nothing. You simply show how bad of s person you are when you attack certain creators over a simple mod. Im a big fan of the soft mod,i find BF’s sistuation realtible and i think they arent really dom daddy and uwu boy- boyfreind has his moments to stand up for himself- he’s traumatized for gods sake- his parents mentslly tortured him in the mod

Next point, when ya’ll say “ mischaracterization!!” Its an au. Its not gonna be the exact same as the original. THINK. People au alternate universes ans they usuly never act the exact same cause of the situation. Tjink about sans aus for example here- dream and nightmare sans. Ink sans. Even all of the murder sans verses. They act nothing like sans and people still love them to pieces. People have the right to like something and yall just dont let people have fun 💀🙏🙏🙏

[felixxthefrog]

sometimes, im not sure if healing is the right word.

when im talking to my friends or myself, i refer to what im doing as "healing from my religious trauma". i sometimes like to think of it as tending to my wounds, wounds inflicted upon me by my church, by myself, by my family. washing them, patting them dry, applying a salve to them every day. slow and painful, but eventually they'll close and fade to a scar. and maybe one day, those scars will fade to nothingness.

as i go on, however, i find myself doubting that imagery. i am starting to feel that that in itself is rooted in my upbringing under christianity. the idea that eventually you will be healed, better, pure, saved, by god, by father, by creator, by the ultimate love and power. is it that simple? that clean? that kind?

am i healing? i dont feel like im healing. i dont feel like i'll ever heal. i feel like im tearing barbed arrows from my skin. when i find another, i poke around, see if there's any other way i can do this. i search, desperate, hoping it wont be painful this time. but it always is. it always has to be, doesnt it? that's the point of religion. to make sure that leaving it is more painful than staying in it.

when i come to terms with the fact that i will have to pull the arrows out, i cant help but maybe mourn a little bit. sometimes i think my skin is a tree, because i look at the arrow that's been there a decade or more, and my skin has stared to grow around it. the arrow looks half engulfed, not just embedded, but it seems to be becoming a part of my body.

i cant help but fear pulling it out. searing pain, tearing skin, muscles ripped, tendons snapping, fiery poison pulsing through veins. i'll grind my teeth to dust and twist my face in a knot and hold my breath to stop from screaming. through it all, i still must stop myself from begging for attention. ripping it out sounds appealing, but i know i cant. i shouldnt.

i must be gentle - in the past, i have gone to pull an arrow from my skin and i have broken the shaft. the wood splintered in my hands and i threw it to the ground, trying to move on to another arrow because i cant be bothered with nonsense like this, splintered arrows and flint heads still stuck under my skin.

later when i went back to the arrow with the shattered shaft, i saw that it had dug in deeper. around the wound were two dozen splinters and matching open wounds, red and inflamed, tender and painful, infected, growing. worsening. the original arrowhead had been engulfed by my skin and now i must cut my skin open and peel it back, poking and prodding with forceps to try and free it from its new home within my body. as i gaze at my skin, i am reminded of my anatomy class. the rat i pinned to the mat and flayed, inspecting every part of it to learn how it functioned. at least i am experienced.

the wound is still infected. i have removed the arrow head, but those splinters, theyre slippery. i look around and see half a dozen more broken, splintered arrows; a dozen more arrows untouched; a hundred tiny splinters scattered around my body, embedded in my skin. they are numerous and countless and neverending.

i am out of the warzone now, i am no longer getting bombarded with arrows, i am no longer actively dying, i am no longer beaten and bruised and damn-near lifeless on the battlefield in the hold righteous name of the almighty, i am no longer a sacrifice, but i AM sacrificed. i was. i always was. i was a lamb raised to be blemishless, taking pride in the neatness in my coat, ignoring the blood that had stained it from birth and that would stain my own hands at death.

i was never blameless. i was never blemishless. i was raised for a merciful slaughter and instead became a soldier, unwilling, unknowing, thinking this was what sheep were made for. his staff around my neck did not keep me back from the cliff, it bruised and strangled me so i could not jump over the fence. it seemed so peaceful there. the war was not raging on the other side.

but the war followed me. the wounds never left. it's not healing, is it? not really. even if my wounds heal, i will forver be deformed and broken, debilitated, unworthy. what is worthy? was i worthy of war? am i worthy of peace? healing? how will i ever get these arrows out? the splinters? will the scars ever fade?