#(rather than only killing in rare and special circumstances) he and dick are going to be at odds. at least professionally

[fauxxghost]

I'm always, always, always thinking about that moment in The New Teen Titans annual 2 where Dick covered for a man who killed someone (as revenge for the fact that the guy had ordered a hit on him that resulted in his family dying) by pretty much said he didn't know what happened even though there had to have been no question in his mind about who killed the guy.

I feel like people always talk about how Dick killed the Joker, but I don't think I've ever seen anyone talk about this moment, which is, in my opinion, more important because I like to see it as an event that made Dick realize that while he may not condone it, he has enough sympathy/compassion for well-earned acts of revenge that he won't drag someone down for it if they end up following through. And from there it seems like this must have been the catalyst for the conclusion he came to in The New Teen Titans #37 when he told Bruce he can't work professionally with him anymore (and Dick has other reasons for not wanting to work with Bruce, but these 2 moments happen close enough together that I like to read Dick's decision to let Adrian Chase off the hook as a sort of 'final straw' in a decision that was a long time coming).

Now, will Dick still try to talk people out of revenge murders? Absolutely. Like I said, I don't think he condones it, I just think he understands and has some level of compassion for the reasons why people may pursue that course of action. And I just think that this is such a fascinating piece of characterization. I wish it got more acknowledgment, especially because when it comes to that example of Dick killing the Joker, I think it's important to remember that afterwards he had a crisis about the fact that he did it, so I don't think it's actually the best example to show Dick's stance on revenge murders (though I do think it holds relevance to discussion on where his values fall when it comes to his loved ones vs his morals and how he can be pushed to break those morals, but it really adds nothing to the discussion of his stance on revenge murders in general other than reconfirming the fact that he doesn't condone them), whereas this example from The New Teen Titans annual 2 just... It has some interesting potential for analysis on that front.

(This post has been edited)

[aegonbeingfakeisracist]

I can see Robb and Rhaenys living in the same AU in a situation where Brandon is killed in an accident that has nothing to do with the Targs and Cat then marrying Ned. I'm just trying to figure out the driving factors behind Robb marrying Rhaenys. If Rhaenys & Aegon are Rhaegar's only children, then Rhaenys is not only the only princess but second in line behind Aegon. They shouldn't be giving her hand to just anybody.

Regarding my other question about Rhaenys and marriage, if Rhaegar had pushed for her to marry Aegon like tradition, how do you think Elia would have responded? I just have this feeling that being so close with her own brother Elia would feel uncomfortable with it. Like I could see her trying to be understanding but I see her being into history and knowing how unhealthy those marriages were. (Rhaegar's own parents)

They should definitely not be giving her hand to just anybody, and the Starks kind of would be the embodiment of just anybody - they’re way off in the North, not particularly involved in realm-wide politics, and so on. I honestly kind of think Robb/Rhaenys in this situation might be most likely to occur as a matter of parental indulgence than a real strategic choice - maybe they meet at some point, get along well, and so their parents shrug and go with it. While marrying for love among the nobility is rare, especially when it comes to a first marriage, it’s not unheard of, and the combination of Rhaegar’s personality and Robb’s position as heir to the North makes it seem possible. Robb would be an out of left field choice because the Starks don’t have much to do with the rest of Westeros, and kings don’t marry their only daughters to completely random people from families with which they don’t have close ties or need an alliance (unless you’re a dick like Jaehaerys, but I digress), but he might work anyway, especially if Rhaenys expressed interest.

The Starks may be a random family whom there would be no real reason to wed a princess so high up in the line of succession, because contrary to what fandom would have us believe, whether or not someone is from a great house is not the most important criteria in choosing who to marry your child to, but Robb being both highborn and from an influential house means that Rhaegar, with his not very strong political instincts, might just go with it in the event that Rhaenys wanted it. It’s not something that could really have major consequences if a princess married a lord’s heir when neither of them were otherwise attached. If we think about all the people women in Westeros wanted to marry, but couldn’t, or people who had pushback against their marriages - Lysa wanting to marry Littlefinger, Duncan and Jenny, Robb and Jeyne - we can see that Robb/Rhaenys would be a safer bet. Neither of them are nobodies, the circumstances being what they would be, it would be very unlikely that either of them were betrothed. So it could be fine. Robb would probably not be the best choice, but as a Lord Paramount’s son, he’s still an appropriate choice.

Also, there are political benefits, even if they’re not immediately obvious - Robb would be a safe choice to get away from incest without shifting the balance of power too much. I’ve argued before that the reason the Targaryens have traditionally wed their children to each other, non-great houses, or the Martells with whom they have a special relationship, rather than frequent great house matches, is about the balance of power, not just their sense of Valyrian supremacy. Aegon V tried to change that when he needed support, but for him, it would have been easier than it would be for Rhaegar because he had so many children. His intended betrothals - Baratheon, Tully, Redwyne, Tyrell - would have tied his family to the Stormlands, Riverlands, and Reach. He may have intended to marry Rhaelle to someone from one of the other regions. There was no shift in the balance of power. Rhaegar, though, only has two kids, and so whoever he married Rhaenys to would be something of a statement of favour. So he might be able to avoid making it being a big statement by having it be Robb, and not, say, Edmure. I actually wrote a whole post about the Targaryen kids and marriage a while ago (you can find it here). One of the conclusions I came to is that you could make a valid case for Rhaenys marrying pretty much anyone in the realm, from Beric Dondarrion to Edmure Tully. If Robb exists due to an accident, he might actually be a pretty good choice.

In regard to incest, I don’t know! We really don’t know enough about Elia to say. I can definitely see her being uncomfortable with the idea, but we also have the examples of a fair few non-Targaryens that just went with it upon marrying into the family - most notably, Alicent Hightower, who first wanted her son as king through marriage to Rhaenyra, then married him to his younger sister. So it’s possible Elia would have accepted it as a Targaryen thing. I can imagine her maybe making the case that it would be a better option to have Aegon marry outwards and have Rhaenys marry Viserys to reconcile the branches of the family - not vocally opposing the incest, but maybe being unhappy with the idea enough to push for something a bit different.

[mytwitterisdogtoast1]

Who is the best Dead Island character?

I know the game has been out for god knows how long now (9 years) but oddly enough there is no real place to find out who the best dead island character is. So as a person who has played the game to death on 3 different consoles as well as riptide, getting every character up to max level using both fury and not fury I’m going to throw my hat into this non existent argument and finally say who is the best character in dead island. Firstly I am NOT a fan of the fury system. I never used it in the first game and only used it in the second one because I ran out of things to get on the combat and survival trees. Even now, I would much rather actually just use those trees because in the end, fury is fine, but just not my thing. So let’s make this argument based on specifically the combat and survival trees and how each character is meant to be built. However, I know people actually would be “outraged” to not hear me put my idea on who has the best rage ability so I’ll at least delve into who has the best and the worst. So for me the best is Logan and the worst is everyone else for different reasons. So the reason why Logan is the best is he can do ranged attacks and hit 2 people at one time and deal a shit ton of damage to any style of enemy. It’s just an overloaded ability. The reason why the other 3 are about even is this, Sam has to get into really close range which is fine, he will heal. Purna gets a gun which in this game, guns are actually not that great. Lastly Xian Mei is pretty frail and her weapon in general has no distance to allow you to attack the zombies. Now in certain circumstances sure, they are fine and Purna does really well against humans but your rage should probably be used on something like a hoard and hoards of humans is a little lacking and when they show up they are spaced a little bit apart and that just makes it not worth the effort when you can just aim and shoot them in the head EZPZ. Now on to who the best characters are and why. I’m going to write these in the order who I think is worst to best. A  lot of people would disagree with me on this but again, we’re not talking about anything other than combat and survival. The game isn’t hard enough on any character to really need fury and again, I personally do not like the feel of it. So with that in mind, here is the first character on our list. Purna - I can hear that anger and hate and backlash from the non existent group of people not reading this. You see many people think Purna is this amazing character because she uses guns and also deals more damage with her survival tree. I’m not so sure on that one. Yeah she does boost peoples numbers but half of that is taken away if you don’t play with people and the other part is for a gun character she kind of gets shafted. Lets compare her to the others in a sort of way. See logan, He’s kind of the person she has more power than. Logan in his normal build without taking into account his main style of play deals less damage than Purna because she has 2 upgrades total that power her main weapon. Guns. The second is she has knives which allows her to deal more damage with a rarer weapon type in the beginning of the game. Knives are in general not easy to come around at first and even then they are in general lacking in the whole “being useful after one strike” department. Sure I’m being hyperbolic on that part but still, Knives and blades kinda die easily. Yes she does have an ability to raise the endurance on her melee weapons but let’s face it. It’s all about guns. So what’s wrong with that? Well, Let’s be honest. Guns kinda suck dick in this game and to top it off they’re rare in the first act and only really show up in the second act on. Now the second part of that is ammunition is also kind of even more rare. You can make ammo in some cases but you need the items, and be later in a play through and by then, well, you should have enough chances to get ammo that you don’t need to craft it and with the dlc you can just go buy it when you need it at the “arena”. So what else does she have in her offensive skill tree? Well she has the ability to gain stamina when she kills someone, oh be still my beating heart. A gun user who can replenish stamina. What a great combo. Gets real tiring to pull that trigger I am so out of breath thinking about it. Don’t get me started on the stamina lowered when you fight a horde of enemies ability since we all know how much those guns need stamina. Next is the fact that in general she will deal overall less boosted damage from her abilities that she uses to upgrade her primary form of combat. Yes, I know she has a skill that boosts her boosts but let me get to that in a moment. She has several things like increased elemental effects on attacks, critical hit chance, decreased reload time and bullet penetration boosts. Those are ok, but are we really not using the shot gun to fight hordes of zombies or using a single bullet from a gun who just shocks people or lights them on fire? Her offensive skills lack in areas where they should be focused on guns. Yes she does have a skill that deals more damage with modified weapons but to be fair everyone does. Her survival tree is lacking as well in that she doesn’t have the ability to survive like everyone else. Everyone in the game has the ability to augment their healing. Purna? She can instant revive sometimes after death. What does this do? It cuts 7 seconds off of your wait time in death. How cool is that? It’s not. Just wait 7 seconds. The rest of the kit? Let’s take a look. Repair cost and durability is up on weapons. After I get to max level on Purna I generally stop using melee on weapons. I generally just shoot everything since I can always get ammo no problem. I will either make it with my excess stuff or I’ll but it outright. So fixing things is never a thought. All increase XP abilities are worthless and should never be taken ever. This is again one of the reasons I don’t like fury. I can get XP from missions and playing. I don’t need your dumb weapon for 10 seconds and an XP boost. She has a chance to not stop attacking but if you are ranged like a gun user would be than you don’t need it. Then you have a better chance to find rare loot and lastly, you have make, find and carry more bullets. These are her main things to use. As I said, there just isn’t enough here. (one important note to put is that she also has an ability to deal more damage to men, and as great as that is, it’s not going to win any favors. It’s great because all the special zombies are all men and half the enemies in the game are all men, and all the humans you fight, are all men. Xian Mei - Xian is a fun character to some degree and as much as I like the idea of her being an assassin/doctor I find that she still somewhat lacks. See like Sam she wants to wield 2 handed weapons because there is enough force for her to actually chop limbs off which is her main thing but we all know there are enough mods to give B the ability to also do that. So her biggest boon is actually no longer there. Her combat tree is pretty good in that it actually has things to use for Damage, Damage, and more damage. You can deal straight up damage. You can do Dots AKA damage over time with bleeding and in general poison which is what most blades do. Lastly besides her bad skills that aren’t even worth looking at she can insta kill sometimes but very rarely and she can also deal more damage to people who are almost dead. On the opposite side of the coin she heals for a massive amount of health with med kits. Almost 2X the amount when you use one. However, she does lack in this department for a reason. In general she can be harder to kill with her spectre ability but in general Med kit’s are hella expensive and a little rare sometimes. Yes you will get enough but let’s face it. You are frail with Xian and getting in super close with early game knives is not always the best. Later in the game she’s fine but her lack of defensive skill tree abilities is the main problem for her.  Logan - Logan is usually seen as the best besides Purna for his damage, But his utility is actually where it is at. As the jack of all trades he can do everything and the most important part in this game that is passed over is survivability. Yes I know Sam and Logan are kinda “easy” but here is the thing. Survival in this game is what it is about. Dealing more damage? Survive easier. Healing more damage? Survive easier. Buying and selling and getting more money? Survive easier. All skill trees are to make you better. Some just are better at it. Logan can just do all of this but not as well as Sam. But what can Logan do is the real question. Firstly he has the range down of Purna. The thing is, that I’m pretty sure he can throw farther than she can shoot. Mostly because he has a farther distance than others with his throws. Sure he can use guns, but let’s face it. Throwing is what he is meant to do and guns are better on people than zombies. His weapons are also meant to be bladed so they have a chance of in general doing a shit ton of damage as well as cutting limbs off. Sometimes you can cut a head off and insta kill a zombie. Next, he deals more damage with knives when he throws them and in general because he does one handed weapons better than anyone else. Also he can crit pretty much half the time with each throw. Now for survival he’s got it all. A chance to get back his weapons half the time and lastly he heals from one of the easiest items to find in the game. Alcohol. Now in general the being drunk part isn’t all that bad. Just stand still and you’ll be fine, and even fighting when drunk isn’t the worst. Lastly he also can have one of the highest or the highest health and stamina in the game with his ability to just outright get stats from abilities. This is why he is in second place. Sam B - Why is Sam best? Besides his killer music he has the best kit in the game. When you start out you will be finding blunt weapons easier than anything else. Sam uses those and boosts his damage for them. He already increases his weapons already high endurance. He also has one of the best and most important stats on his side. Force. Force breaks bones, and cuts off limbs, With a bladed weapon on a heavy force stat you will be shredding limbs like no other. Almost all of your important abilities are going to boost damage and endurance with your weapon making you a force to be reckoned with. However his main appeal is in his survival tree. You have built in healing. Every minute you are just doing nothing or out of combat you heal 20% of your health. It’s not a high number but it’s pretty damn good since it’s always on. What’s better is that you also soak damage up with abilities. At most you can stop a total of 75% melee damage and guns deal 78% less. That with your ability to heal will keep you going for a while. Sure it can be a little “boring” to some who in general don’t want easy mode. But we are talking about the best kit here. That’s also the main thing people would argue against this. Liking a certain kit and finding the difficulty of the game with certain characters to be what they desire. It’s fine to like the guns of Purna or the ease of play with Sam. Either way in the end all that really is important is that we love this game even through all of its faults.

[musette-thornsong]

OJ: God’s Right Here

Aura Zurie had found out years ago during her childhood that she was not all cell but only half. If being treated like crap by the entire city of Frank wasn’t bad enough, the virus, Thrax, whom she once called friend betrayed and stabbed her in the back (in more ways than one). After losing so much and being used by those she trusted, she had become officially devoid of all emotion and decided never to trust or let anyone inside ever again. The return of Thrax may change that when they are paired off to hunt down the resurrected mob boss, Scabies, who has kidnapped Ozzy and Drix and will only release them if they hand over a recently acquired rare artifact. But soon everyone (including Thrax) will realize the huge mistake they have made when messing with the wrong girl.

One-Shot Parody

Warning: Violence, gore, language, psychological humor

Words: 6,216

Aura, Meth, & Opius girls belongs to me

Staphylococcus Aureus borrowed from a real bacterium.

It was a dark time in the City of Frank. The Chief of Frank Police had just recently assigned a case to Osmosis Jones, Drix, and (recently hired) Thrax. The case followed the inconspicuous murder of Leah Estrogen from only a day ago. Apparently, she was killed in her sleep with no visible signs of a struggle and then her corpse was hung upside down from Ozzy’s apartment door with a message from (horrifyingly enough) the late mob boss Scabies. This gave an indication that somehow, he was still alive (even though Thrax had turned him into a pile of goop). The team had split up to find clues and came across one at the memory banks archive in ancient text about a gem that revives the dead. Ozzy and Drix went to go find it only to suddenly get kidnapped by unknown assailants. Thrax was then left a note by Scabies that if he wanted his teammates alive, he would find the item in question and bring it to them. Knowing he had little to no intel on ancient artifacts or spells and apparently had no other options, he sought out some help from his fellow coworkers. They suggested he talk to Aura Zurie since she was one of the few citizens who dabbled in that department given her “recently discovered” heritage. Thrax found this to not only a big help but also a chance to get close to her. Although she grieved for the loss of her foster mother, Leah, certain circumstances would have Thrax find that Aura would be less than willing to help him.

Thrax: (eagerly catches up to Aura as she walked down the street) Hey, baby, wait up!!

Aura: (continues walking on, stubbornly) I have nothing to say to you.

Thrax: (tries to play it cool in attempts to charm her) Aw come on, baby. I thought it would a nice opportunity to reconnect… (whispers in her ear) especially given our “special” history together.

Aura: (stops dead in her tracks before turning around facing him, angrily stating) First of all, as far as I’m concerned, we have no history. Secondly, I know why you came breezing down my path and I’m not pulling the pin on that grenade. I made the mistake of trusting you once all those years ago. And in return, it destroyed what was left of the innocence that was my life. I’ll be damned if I get involved with you and make the same mistake again (turns her back to him and proceeds to continue walking on)

Thrax: (feels guilty, knowing she was right but decides to play on her insecurities as a last resort, sighing) Well, I guess I can’t fault you there. I don’t blame you for not wanting to help. But even if you don’t, just know…it’s not your fault.

Aura: (halts with wide eyes upon hearing those words, flashes back to her mother on her deathbed when she was a child uttering those same words)

-FLASHBACK-

*Lisa: (sick in bed, barely stable) I’m afraid I don’t have the strength to go on any further. I’m sorry, Aura. I’m going to leave you all alone.

*Aura: (tearfully holds her mother’s hand) Please don’t go, Mommy

*Lisa: (weakly smiles while cupping little Aura’s cheek, wiping her tears away) Don’t cry, sweetie. I know it’s hard, but you must be strong and endure. I just wish your father could have been here with us (coughs) but know that he did love you very much. I love you, Aura. If things were different back then, we could have become a happy family. Even though my life was turned upside down, I don’t regret having you for a daughter. Just know, this is not your fault (utters before her hand falls from Aura, dying peacefully)

*Aura: (tears fall as she screams agony)

-END OF FLASHBACK-

Aura: (hears the words “Your fault” torment her mind over and over until her mental barrier suddenly breaks down from the inflicted guilt, shouting painfully while barely keeping her composure) WHAT’S WRONG, THRAX!?

Thrax: (surprised he got through to her and gave her the details [unfortunately more details than necessary for dick-move torment]) Well, I suppose it all started when I was born, my mother…

Aura: (facepalms her eyes before pulling the metaphorical pin off the grenade in her mind, groaning) Uuuuuuuuuugh….

Knowing this would take long, they stopped a nearby pub where Thrax continued the conversation for several hours until finally getting the main point for why he sought her out in the first place. He explained how Jones and Drix had disappeared and somehow Scabies was alive demanding for the artifact they were previously looking for in order to bring Leah back. Aura’s brain was about ready to implode from all the mental torture.

Thrax: (continues) …and then that old fart of a germ left this note stating where he was and that he had Jones and the cold pill. And unless the gem is given to the old codger, they can kiss their asses goodbye. And, well…you know the rest, baby.

Aura: (bangs her head on the table repeatedly from the long conversation until Thrax finishes, vents her frustration) GOD, DO I EVER!!! I CAN NEVER UN-KNOW!!! These nuclei receivers could have been used to formulate the perfect strategy in solving this case! Instead, they’ve memorized the different types and amounts of beatings you used to receive since you were four!!!

Thrax: (makes a callous reference) Yeah, much like you, my mother was one emotionally unstable bitch

Aura: (retorts sarcastically) Yeah, I know. And it’s because of that shit to this day, you are still a continuously blunt, all-around, never-ending ASSHOLE!!! (calms down after getting it all out of her system, sighs) Look, if I tell what you need to know about your stupid rock, will you leave me alone?

Thrax: (corrects her) Gem.

Aura: (annoyed) Honey, no language on Earth has a word for how little I care. A quantum super-computer calculating for a thousand years could not even approach the numbers FUCKS I do not give. The friggin’ heat death of the universe could not-

Thrax: Baby, are you going to tell me or not?

Aura: Eh, sure. Whatever. Allegedly, the once lush garden of Frank that was closed off (due to the strange death tolls) was turned into a restricted grave site called “The Valley of Remembrance”. At its center is a jeweled staff known as the Archangel’s Beacon which can pin-point the exact location of the Revival Gem.

Thrax: (mildly happy to hear this news) Seriously, then let’s go get it right now!

Aura: (halts him) Upbupbup, cool your jets, Hot-Shot. There’s more to it than that. For one thing, the gem can easily work on viruses at any time of death, within 15 years for germs and bacteria, but won’t work for cells 3 days after death. And seeing as how a day and a half has gone by already, not to mention you just spent the last 7 HOURS making me consider the pros and cons of a lobotomy via soup spoon, I’d say you got your work cut out for ya.

Thrax: (shocked by this news, eager to get going with only one day left) Oh boy! Well, let’s get going. We’ve got no time to lose (cups his hands around hers)

Aura: (brow twitches before giving her answer) Yeah, about that…

Aura was suddenly outside the pub walking through the crowd of cells out at night, minding their own business. Thrax trudged alongside her confused by the answer she gave him.

Thrax: (hysterically states his predicament) What do you mean you’re not going?! This is completely different from my life on the run trying set a record and getting into the medical books. I don’t know the unknown territories of this body like you do nor what dangers to expect from any of this. I could die on my own!

Aura: I believe I made myself clear about my number of FUCKS and willingness to give them.

Scabies: (pops out of nowhere looking worse for wear in many ways) Ebola Boy? Oh my god, how are you? I believe the last time we met was….oh yeah! When you sliced me up and painted the steam room floor with my carcass

Thrax: (expresses rather irritably, but restrains himself not wanting lose it and kill the only suspect they had in this case, grunting) Fiiine…

Scabies: (mockingly) And where’s the old crew? Haven’t seen them for quite some time

Thrax: They’re dead. Much like how you’ll be again if you don’t beat it.

Scabies: (feigns caring nature) Aww, ain’t that a pity? You at least make some good trophies out of em’?

Thrax: (disgusted) AW HELL NO!! I may be one sick sadistic motherfucker but I ain’t that sick, old man!

Scabies: Ah, such a waste…

Aura: (callously adds on) He’s right you know. Keeping specific remains of your enemies can make for some pretty-sick trophies.

Thrax: (annoyed) Okay, seriously, Aura!? That’s not funny. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a gem to find, two idiots to save, and a dead broad to revive.

Scabies: (looks to Aura scanning over with familiarity) Oh, Aura is it? You his new girl? Well, ain’t you a saucer of cream! It’s so nice to see that even the legendary Ebola-knockoff found someone on his level.

Thrax: (growls at the remark and how he was looking at Aura)

Aura: (laughs casually before eyes widen, clearly insulted) Ehehehe…What?

Scabies: Oh no, it’s cute. I just love the whole “tough-girl” persona ya got goin’ on here. Very convincing. Well, don’t wanna take up any more your time. Sure you sweet kids got a lot to do. I’m sure you’ll have no problem clearing “The Valley of Remembrance”.

Thrax: (attempts to speak for Aura) Actually, Aura just made it clear that she’s not-

Aura: (slightly deranged) Come on, Thrax. We got two idiots and a broad to save (starts walking past Scabies)

Thrax: (walks beside her rather delighted) So, you’re actually gonna help now? Well alright! Operation: Damage Control is a go (places his arm around her)

Aura: (firmly) Don’t touch me

Thrax: Still not there yet?

Aura: Not even close.

Scabies: (smiles wryly)

Thrax and Aura had stopped at a nearby inn for the night in order to get an early start on their mission for the Revival Gem. However, some would come to find it difficult to sleep that night. By morning, they had left the inn and made their way to the Valley of Remembrance where Thrax burned off seal to the gate to save time. Aura lead the way through the silent yet beautiful gardens and enchanted glades. It was all lovely but had an eeriness to it considering there was not one living thing around thus hinting to the term “silent as the grave”.

Aura: (calmly yet alert) Keep your eyes and ears open for anything. There’s no telling what might be lurking around.

Thrax: (smugly) Please. There ain’t nothin’ Big Daddy Thrax can’t handle.

Aura: (rolls her eyes, grunts) Uuugh

Thrax walked on casually next to Aura. He figured this would be a good opportunity to try to get close to her. But given the atmosphere, he wasn’t entirely sure how to break the ice nor certain if she even wanted to talk. Aura was unsure of a couple things too but figured she’d ask just to be sure.

Aura: (chuckles awkwardly) Hey, uh, random question. Uh, you didn’t hear anything…weird last night…Did you?

Thrax: (ponders back to last night) Uuuuuh….

 -FLASHBACK-

*Aura: (cries loudly through the wall) Momma Lisa!!! (cries more) Oh god, why couldn’t I save you?! Why?! Momma! MOMMA!!! (cries even more)

*Thrax: (hears her sorrowful wails in confusion unable to sleep)

-END OF FLASHBACK-

 Thrax: (slightly goes bright crimson, goes into immediate denial not wanting to say the wrong thing) Uh, no. Definitly not. I’m like a super heavy sleeper, so… (walks on)

Aura: (laughs nervously) Good, good (clears throat) Yeah, sleep is…sleep is good (continues walking)

Thrax: (comes to her, curiously) Sooooooo…Who’s Momma Lisa?

Aura: (snaps) I KNEW IT!!!

At the same time of her outburst, random vines sudden bursts out from bushes and quickly wrapped around Thrax’s ankles, lifting him straight off the ground. The vines revealed to belong to a giant Audrey II-like plant monster that became attracted to closest heat source. It opened its trap preparing to devour Thrax.

Aura: (slightly giggles at Thrax’s awkward predicament)

Thrax: (screams at the sudden lift coming face-to-face with the monster, embarrassment sets in as this was happening in front of Aura of all people) AAAAAAAAAAHH!!! Baby don’t stare at me like this!!

Aura: (yells in response) First off, I’m not your baby so quit calling me that! Secondly, I think you have more pressing concerns!!

Thrax: (slashes around frantically) Well, WHAT DO I DO?!

Aura: Just stay calm. You already have everything you need to beat it.

Thrax: (responds sarcastically) Oh, and what’s that? The power to believe in myself?

Aura: (irritated that Thrax was deliberately trying pluck a nerve) Noooooo, your claw, smartass!! Stab it!!

Thrax: Oh…right (slices off the vines from his ankles before diving at the plant beast, burying his claw straight through and causing it to explode before landing safely on the ground)

Aura: (sighs, locking arms Thrax against her better judgement) Yeah, maybe you should stick closer to me. Those things are attracted to heat and will not think twice about snuffing it out. And seeing as how you’re walking blazing inferno, you’re aggroing everything in this place.

Thrax: (blushes a bit then puts back on the “tough guy” façade before pulling away from her with a smirk) First off, if it’s one thing I know how to turn up and down, baby, it’s heat. Secondly, there’s need no need to worry your pretty, little head. Big Daddy Thrax can take care of himself (walks ahead before suddenly stepping on a random vine which woke up several more plant monsters, screaming) AAAAAAAAAAHH!!! BAAABYYYYYYY!!!!!

Aura: (raises a brow, unimpressed before sighing) This is gonna be my whole day, isn’t it?

After saving Thrax’s hide many a time from becoming every plant’s main course, they had finally reached the center of the valley. There atop an ancient pedestal stood the bejeweled Archangel’s Beacon staff in all its shiny, dusty, cobweb-covered glory.

Thrax: (grabs the staff) Hey, look. There it is!

Aura: Alright, now all we need is the dust!

Thrax: (excited before suddenly catching on to her sudden remark) Yeah- wait, what do you mean?

Aura: Well, I mean, we’re going need the Spark Powder to activate the staff. And we can only purchase said powder from the only drug dealer in this part of Frank who deals in the mystical department (for a certain price). Then once activated, the staff will guide us to the stronghold containing the gem where we’ll navigate ourselves through a series of traps within the catacombs (where most people would never think to look first), leading us to said gem and hopefully the quickest path to the throne/ritual room.

Thrax: (felt like his head was about to explode from the news) That’s INSANE! Just how paranoid were these people?! And since when did this magic stuff get so complicated?!

Aura: You don’t know much about Viral Ancient History or Magic, do you?

They continued their mission in hunting down the only drug dealer, Methadoneus Papaver, who contained the mystical Spark Powder. Once found at a nearby Opium Den, they could see the place was full of ill-repute as there were several Opius female germs publicly seducing several male cells on either ends of the establishment. When they all caught sight of Thrax, they brushed pass the others to gather around him since they never had a virus visit before (let alone a tall, strong, and handsome one). Though Thrax was flattered, he was more concerned with the mission at hand. Seeing as how it would take longer pushing through to get to Meth, Aura decided to take the high road and push Thrax into the crowd of horny germs who wasted no time in smothering him. Thrax was completely helpless in this situation. While he was known for being quite the “Ladies Man” & “Lady Killer”, he never had to deal with so many girls at once.

Aura: Hey look, girls! A present! (pushes Thrax into the Sea of Opius girls)

Thrax: Whoa!! (sees predicament he was suddenly in as the girls wasted no time going down on him, screaming out) NOOOOOO!!! They’re soooo hornyyyyyy!!!!

Aura: (caddy) But I thought there wasn’t anything Big Daddy Thrax couldn’t handle.

Thrax: (glares at her menacingly) Oh, you are SO gonna pay for that later!!

Aura: (chuckles sarcastically) Relax, this won’t take long. If anything, I’ll probably be down by the time you finish (heads upstairs the main den)

Once she found Meth, she got straight to the point about the Spark Powder. He attempted to hustle from her a ridiculous price as that was one of his rarest products that tended to go out quick. He even caused greater insult by trying to get Aura to “entice” the deal further. Meth asked her how much she thought the powder was worth believing she couldn’t do much to threaten him since she was a cop or the fact that she was just a dumb pheromone capable of only screwing her way to the top. But that was a mistake he would soon come to regret. The room suddenly went dark as Aura wasted no time in suddenly grabbing him by the throat, brandishing her claws near his chest, bearing fangs, and her crimson red eyes flashing gold as a warning. Getting the picture, Meth gave her a 75% discount on the powder in exchange for not killing him. When the lights came back on in the room, Aura warned him not to push his luck from now on before heading back down only to find that all the girls completely whored out and Thrax looking an absolute mess, barely keeping his composure and covered in kissy marks.

Aura: (looks over in shock and disbelief) DAAAMN!!! When I said I’d be down by the time you were finished, I was kidding!! But…DAMN!! (sees all the girls with blissful satisfied looks on their faces) Who would have thought you had that kind of stamina. Remind me never to question your libido again.

Thrax: (pants in moderate exhaustion) I never thought…in a million years…that I’d have to screw my way…out of a jam…like that. You got what we need?

Aura: (holds up the bag with the powder) Right here.

Thrax: Good (weakly grabs her by the collar, pulling her close to him) So don’t you EVER…do that…AGAIN!!

Aura: (pushes him off before dusting the staff with the powder) Oh, chill. I thought you would appreciate a group of women going ga-ga over you. (snarky) At least they’re the only ones dumb and horny enough to anyway. Now let’s get going, nearly half the day is gone and we’re running out of time.

Thrax: (grunts, thinking in frustration) *Why do I bother with this girl*

The staff glowed and blinked leading them to the gem’s location. When they were nearing the end of their journey, they came to the stronghold known as Mrsa Castle where they found a secret door leading to the catacombs. Just far up ahead was the Revival Gem on a pedestal. They made their way up to the end when suddenly trap after trap went off as they narrowly escape each one (especially Thrax as he was already worn out the orgy earlier). By the time they had barely made it out of the traps alive, they grabbed the gem and luckily found an elevator that lead them straight to the center of the throne room.

Aura: Man, I thought we were done after that 7th trap with the spiked wrecking balls, but then BAM!! There’s number #8 with the projectile acid worms!

Thrax: (less than enthusiastic) I just…I just want to go home.

Aura: (stops Thrax in his tracks) Wait. Hold on, Thrax. Do mine eyes deceive me?! Tis the fable Blob Throne of Staphylococcus Aureus! A being of microscopic knowledge and devourer of souls! Quickly, good sir! We must spirit away before- Oh my god! Will you just come out already?!

Scabies: (comes out from behind the throne and sat down in all his zombified glory) Well, for a pheromone you’ve got some rather keen instincts for you to have known I was here.

Aura: (casually) Scabies?! Oh my god, how are yo- Oh god, wow, that’s enough of that. (disgusted) Jesus, how do you put up that act all day?

Scabies: Ah, so you saw through me, did ya? You’re quite the clever pisha to haves figured I was once leader of the Sweat Gang

Aura: (laughs) The Sweat Gang? Wow, I thought you might be someone more dangerous, like Thrax over here or even Ebola! Never even heard of you.

Thrax: (looks to her, mildly blushing at the partial compliment)

Scabies: (confidently) Laugh all you like. We’re still one of the most feared gangs in the restricted zones of Frank.

Aura: (snarky) Ooh, impressive. You can frighten cells that think Pollen Pods are terrifying.

Thrax: (points out) Actually, some cells do find them rather terrifying considering Frank’s allergic to them. I mean, when you think about it, have you seen their eyes? They have no souls.

Scabies: Ah, so quick with the snark. Of course, that’s really all ya’ have goin’ on, isn’t it? A witty retort to distract everyone from what you really are. A sad, lonely little girl with no one who loves her. Someone so dead inside, she’d use a lethal virus as bait just to lure me out

Thrax: (defensively) Ok, seriously? My girl may have done some terrible things lately, but I know for a fact that she would never do something that horrible!

Aura: (bluntly) Nah, he’s right. I totally did that.

Thrax: (shocked) What?! How could you do that?!

Aura: Not so much fun when the shoe is on the other foot, is it? Keep in mind that you used and deceived me to meet your ends, remember? I just simply gave you a small taste of your own medicine.

Thrax: (dumbfounded by this newfound sinister change to her personality, though remained silent knowing she was right and should have seen this coming)

Aura: Yeah, that’s what I thought.

Scabies: And to top it all off, you play the “tough girl”. This invincible force you could never hope to be out there in the real world. Getting promoted to the FPD as a top-rated cop was probably the only best thing to ever happen to you. But there’s one thing your position will never let you hide. The one thing that’s haunted you your whole life, that you can never escape…

Aura: (narrows her eyes in annoyance)

Scabies: (smiles smugly) You are the bastard child of former cop-turned-all-around-whore. And trust me, I should know. She was one of my top earners

Aura: (laughs) What?! No, I’m not bastard child of a-…my mother wasn’t a-… (slips into psychotic laughter, finally snapping from the repressed memories of her dear mother) That’s crazy. That’s CRAZY!! HAHAHAHA!!!

Thrax: (looks at her worriedly) Uuuuh, baby, you feelin’ a’ight?

Scabies: Well, looks like my work here is done. I do so enjoy our chats, but I really have a ritual to get going. We’ll be taking the Revival Gem now, if you don’t mind.

Aura: (deranged) Really? Little old you is going to take from us? That’d be a neat TRICK!!

Scabies: Indeed. But a magician is nothing without his lovely assistants (snaps his fingers, giving a signal)

Suddenly, the old crew of the Sweat Gang suddenly came out of their hiding places looking as bad as Scabies. Like Scabies, they were all zombies out for revenge and ready to strike up some mayhem the second they were back to normal. The largest of the crew soon dragged two familiar faces tied up securely

Ozzy: (expresses joyfully upon seeing them) THRAX!! BABY GIRL!!! Boy, aren’t you two a sight for soar eyes!! It’s the funniest thing really. We found out the gem was here as well and came to retrieve it. And we would have called but (chuckles) these guys nabbed us out the blue and we’ve been trapped here ever since. (put on his usual facade) But of course not before Germinator Daddy opened a can of WHUP-ASS in honor of your moth-

Drix: (interrupts) Uh, Ozzy? I’d hate to interrupt such a “tearful” reunion, but do you think it could wait until after we’re rescued?

Thrax: How the hell are these clowns alive anyway?

Drix: (explains) It would appear when you killed Scabies and what was left him disappeared into the pipes, somehow the pipes were connected to the ones here at Mrsa Castle. The power of gem manifested once it sensed a dead soul, bringing Scabies back from the dead…um, partially. He then used a spell stolen from the archives to bring back the rest of them to seek out revenge. He used all of us to get to the gem so he could fully return all of them and himself to their original states before his 15 years comes to an end tonight!! (points out one last thing) Oh, and right now we’re probably about to die. Did I miss anything?

Ozzy: Uuuuhh, nope. That’s seems about right

All Germs: (start to move in on Thrax & Aura for the kill, snickering sinisterly)

Thrax: (worried, steps in front of Aura defensively) Oh crap, there’s too many of them, baby. I may be tired but that’s never stopped me before. I’ll back you up.

Aura: (places her hand on his shoulder, calmly but still in deranged state) Aww, that’s adorable.

Thrax: (raises a brow, confused) What is?

Aura: You think they’re a threat because we’re out numbered and they’re twice as strong due to them being undead. Well, you just sit tight. Show’s about to start. Careful, though. The first 3 rows are a ♫splash zone♫ (walks ahead of Thrax)

Thrax: (goes wide-eyed, worried) Baby, what do you mean by that?

Aura: (laughs psychotically)

Aura had officially snapped. As if things weren’t bad enough when she was reminded of her guilt. Or when she unknowingly aided Thrax in his plans to take down Frank when she was a child. Or when others saw her as a monster or a dumb pheromone whose only purpose in life is to screw or to kill just because she was born half-cell and half-virus. She could deal with all the taunts and slanders. But the moment someone insults her mother, the one organism in all of Frank that brought her into this world and held dear to her heart, that’s the moment when all she can see is red and loses her mind completely. All of that became clear when the entire throne room suddenly got darker and started to freak everyone out, especially Thrax. He had never seen her like this or any cell or virus with this kind of aura. He actually found it to be more terrifying than he was. It was at that moment Thrax realized all that she had to endure from the time of her birth, through her mother’s death, and living as an orphan on the street for years treated poorly by everyone in Frank. But the worst of it was when he walked into her life and used her in his scheme even though she trusted him, believing she had finally found a friend. His betrayal became the official turning point for what she was now. And the germs who were set to kill, started to get nervous and began to think otherwise about the whole situation.

Joe Cramp: (concerned) Um, boss? A-A thought occurs. This cop thought she was going up against someone as dangerous as Ebola, yet she brought herself and our…former boss. We sure we wanna mess with this chick?

Scabies: (callously confident) Please! The girl is all talk! And now that I’ve broken her, she’s not even THAT, anymore! She’s nothing but a gibbering mess, grasping at straws!

Aura: (still emanating the dark presence) Ooh, another one of your famous theories! Tell ya what. I’ll give you the first shot (eye twitches) See how that goes!

Joe Cramp: (thinks momentarily before concluding) Boss, I think this might be a trap.

Scabies: (abruptly) Enough! You’re all undead with twice your normal strength and there’s SEVEN of you! I think you’ve got this!

Aura: (smiles wryly, baring her fangs and eyes glowing yellow like a cat)

Scabies: Now, kill her!!

In a flash, they all came bearing down on her with no restraint. Each one either slashed at her with claws, beat her with a club, bit at her, stabbed her with knives, etc. And the whole time, she stood there not screaming in pain or giving in an inch. This made the others worry and wonder why she was refusing to do anything.

Drix: (shocked at the damage being done) Oh no, I knew it! Scabies must’ve really gotten into her head! She’s not even fighting back.

Ozzy: (worried for his adoptive daughter urges Thrax to help) Thrax, don’t just stand there! Help her!!

Thrax: (snaps out of it, adjusting himself while getting ready to jump in, thinking) *Oh, baby. Now I understand completely. It’s my fault this all happened to you. And right now, you need me more than ever* Well, I guess it’s up to me to save her or else-

Aura: (smiles as one of her wounds suddenly healed instantly along with the rest of her injuries)

Thrax: (stops in his tracks, stunned at the sight) Wait what?

All Germs: (pants, completely exhausted and shocked that she didn’t scream or go down after all they did to her)

Aura: Man, you guys are out of shape! Really oughta do some cardio.

Scabies: (frustrated) What are you Sissy Marys’ doing?! Quit screwing around and finish her!

Bruiser: (pants) I don’t understand, Boss! We threw everything we had at her! How is she still standing?!

Aura: How? Well, it’s quite simple, really. You see, ASSHOLE, you may think you’ve got all figured out. True, I was born a pheromone cell but that’s only half of it. There’s just one thing you didn’t account for.

Scabies: (getting angry)

Aura: As it turns out, the 2nd half of my makeup…is Chiroptera DNA!

Ozzy: (confused) Chiro-what now?

Drix: (explains) If I may, Chiroptera is the scientific classification order of bats more particularly the common vampire bat. They have many known diseases with one being the only rarest exception among them. And that rare disease is known as the legendary Draculine virus.

All: (gasps)

Ozzy: (curious) And you know this how?

Drix: (admitted truthfully) I studied her during that time she was in the hospital fighting Thrax’s venom. I managed to dig up some research on the subject as well as her background. I felt it was necessary for future medical reasons should you need it.

Aura: (sarcastically explains, chuckling) It’s funny how life works really. A respected female cop doing her job has an unexpected run-in with a virus that later puts her in a position she has absolutely no control over. Said events soon results into a half-breed child who eventually loses everything. But after years of loneliness and hell, you hoped you finally found someone whom you could trust that you felt connected to. And that goes out the window when he stabs you in the back in more ways than one and leaves you drifting in the void between this world and the next. Suddenly, the part of you that you didn’t know existed ends up being the thing that saves you from a near-death experience. Get to that point in your life where that side brings out more in you emotionally and physically, turning you a lethal force to be reckon with, and you’re basically untouchable. My wounds heal faster than you can make them. We could do this all day and you dumbasses would not be any closer to killing me. (laughs) Not that it wouldn’t be fun. But I’ve got good news! You see, there’s no need to wonder where your God is. Cause she’s right here… (whispers menacingly) and she’s fresh out of mercy.

All Germs: (whimpers and cries in terror)

Scabies: (scared, finally fed up) W-Well, way to prove my point, bitch! Lording your origins over them like some kind of god! Your strength is nothing but an illusion to cover-

Aura: (blazes swiftly like a gust of wind)

And what happened next shocked everyone. When everyone looked up, Aura was no longer where she was. They turned see that she was where Scabies was, who looked pale with fear as blood came out the corner of his mouth. It was at the moment they all could see something big and slimy pulsating. Aura had drove her claws deep into Scabies, creating a huge hole in his chest and ripped his barely beating heart through his back. Never had anyone there seen someone do anything so ruthless without hesitation or mercy. Scabies was shocked by this revelation as well as he weakly turned to meet her deadly gaze.

Ozzy & Drix: (shocked and horrified at the scene)

All Germs: (jaws dropped in shocked)

Thrax: (shocked and amazed, yet horrified)

Scabies: (whimpers, choking on his blood) Uuuugh….

Aura: (whispers before crushing his heart with her bare claws) I’m gettin’ real tired of your first-year-psych-student bullshit.

Scabies: (weakly) Enjoy this…while you can. It’s the deepest…a man will never be…in…you (goes up in blue flames disappearing from existence)

All Germs: (go up blue flames as well at the death of their master)

Thrax: (stares in confusion of everything that just transpired)

Aura: Yeah, well, you’re dead, soooooooooooo…. (frustrated, unable give a retort) DAMMIT!!!

An hour had passed since the incident. Aura sat on the throne staring off into space with a soulless gaze. Ozzy and Drix were still in shock that she had that kind of force in her and were worried for the well being of her current mental state. Thrax was even more worried for Aura as he was still processing the fact that this was all his fault for turning her into this, feeling untold guilt that she had become as ruthless and virulent as he was. It was all completely opposite of the sweet soul she used to be. Unable to bear the silence anymore, one of them had to speak up.

Thrax: (came up and sat beside her, concerned) Soooooo…how are you doing, baby?

Aura: (glumly) Fine. Why?

Drix: (points out) Well, you did just kill someone.

Ozzy: Which in turn killed a bunch more.

Thrax: As someone who’s killed more than his fair share of organisms, I usually feel a great sense of satisfaction from it. Which makes me kinda wonder, doesn’t that make you feel…something?

Aura: (nonchalantly) Oh, feelings? Yeah, thanks to you, I no longer have those. Went cold turkey

Ozzy: (shocked) What?! Baby girl, you can’t just do that! What’s the point in living if you can’t feel happiness, wonder, love…?

Aura: (lights up a little) Or the sweet taste of revenge! You’re right, Ozzy! What’s the point in living if I can’t enjoy such simple things?

Thrax: (sighs before lightly smiling) Close enough.

Aura: (feels a slightly new sense of being) You guys are good friends. We should go on more missions like this.

Drix: Um, I don’t think so

Ozzy: Don’t take this the wrong way, sweetie. We’re grateful for your help, but you’re-…

Thrax: Like the worst person we’ve ever had to work with.

Aura: (silent for a moment before responding) Is that your big plan? Huh? Make me feel feelings so you can cut me down a peg? That cuts deep, guys. But I respect that.

Ozzy: Yeah, that’s kinda the problem. But I suppose it’ll all be worth it to have Leah back.

Aura: That’s the spirit. Let’s get started.

They set up the ritual circle where Drix took Leah’s corpse out of his compartment (to keep her body from decaying) and laid her in the center. Using her blood, Aura brought the Revival Gem to Leah’s body. As the drop of blood glowed from the gem’s power, it fell onto the body making it glow brightly. It got brighter and brighter until suddenly…

Gem Voice: *Lifeline time limit has expired*

Leah: (goes up in blue flames, disappearing)

Ozzy: (stares in shock at what just happened)

Aura: I’m…sorry for your loss

Ozzy: (bloodcurdlingly screams) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

The aftermath of that incident was no better. After everything they went through, it was all a waste. And now Ozzy was running around the streets of Frank going on rampage, having officially lost the love of his life.

Thrax, Aura, & Drix: (suffers Ozzy’s wrath with some rather critical injuries, shocked)

Thrax: He took that well.

[atimefordragons]

100 Intelligence, 0 Wisdom || EHS

☾♔; June 17, 2020 ☾♔; 12:26am ☾♔; sotd: Tuhje Dekha To (DDLJ)   ☾♔; cotd: Dick Grayson   ☾♔; Elite Highschool ☾♔; Side/NPC Profiles

𝐓𝐢𝐭𝐥𝐞: lol, a summary of all 5 Sheremetev kids

----------->UPDATE: description abandoned. The group was shutdown and I've been kicked from the discord, so there's no point in finishing this set. I'll just make a new one when I inevitably recycle the characters.

Most of their profiles were done anyway, but whatever, I’m not putting any more effort into something I’m not involved in anymore.

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【𝕀ℕ𝕊ℙ𝕆 ℂℝ𝔼𝔻】@ maybones

As always, lolz. Soz for always using you as inspo, but you are the unrivaled Queen of Talent and Set making.

Was specifically inspired by this set: https://urstyle.fashion/styles/2523719 And as always, failed in mimicking it.

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I have made a new version of Tuhje Dekha To: Tuhje Dekha Toh ye jana sanam Main tuhje nufrat karti, kuti kamini

Loose Translation: When I saw you beloved, I knew That I despise you, you fucking bitch

(kuti kamini doesn’t literally mean fucking bitch, but that’s the emotional weight, or inflection or whatever behind it tbh - it doesn’t mean bitch though, like, from a literal translation, it kinda means bitch, bitch, since kuti and kamini both mean bitch)

Lol, ya, it doesn’t really flow with the music, but whatever. I’m fucking pissed and TDT was stuck in my head, so the lyrics went from love to rage.

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𝐅𝐀𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐘

The Sheremetev’s are a unique bunch of siblings, in that not a single one is biologically related to another. All, but the youngest were adopted by Ivan Borisovich Sheremetev, his youngest, and only biological, child eventually passing into his custody. They’re a family of 7, Ivan, their father, Feodor Brezhnev, their butler/emotional grandfather, Rodya, the big brother, Adya, Emil, and Shion, the NOT triplets, and Erasyl, the brat- I mean baby. Because they’re not his biological children, they’re often labelled as charity cases, though they can pretty much brush it off at this point. Since Ivan does not make a blood distinction between his kids, Erasyl is often thought to have been adopted too. Are they just the batfam repackaged as Russian bourgeoisie? lol, yeah.

The House of Sheremetev are former Russian nobility, and in the age of the Empire, were amongst the wealthiest and most influential families in Imperial Russia. They held many high commanding ranks in the Russian military, governorships and were given title of "Count" (Граф graf), which in Russian society was the third highest, the first obviously being the rank of Tsar, followed by Prince (Князь knyaz) - a Russian prince was not necessarily royalty, but more equivalent to a western Duke. Notable Sheremetev's include Yelena Sheremeteva, who was the third and final wife of Tsarevich Ivan Ivanovich (1554–1581), the son of Ivan IV (better known to history as Ivan the Terrible), and Fedor Sheremetev, cousin of Tsar Mikhail I and head of government in 1613–18 and 1642–46.

During the revolution, the line that led to the current Sheremetev's stayed in Russia. A handful were executed, but one became a party man and ardent supporter of the regime. By the time of the union’s collapse, numerous members of the Sheremetev family had served in the government, military, and KGB throughout the existence of the Union. Boris Sheremetev, father of Ivan, was a member of the Council of Ministers when it was dissolved in 1991, and Anastasia Sheremeteva, Ivan’s mother, was a high ranking member of the KGB. During the upheavel of the economic shift from communist to capitalist, and mass privatization of the Russian and post-Soviet state economies, both Sheremetev parents were killed in highly suspicious circumstances. Their murders remain unsolved, though were blamed on Bratva’s. The Sheremetev’s had already taken part in Gorbachev’s attempt to create a mixed socialist economy, and during the post-Soviet transition period, they bought numerous government contracts and assets, primarily in the arms, oil, and energy industries, quickly establishing themselves as Oligarchs in the new world order. In the modern day, all Sheremetev assets are controlled under the banner of Sheremetev Enterprises (Шереме́тевы Компании Sheremetev  Kompanii), often shortened to SKomp. Due to the industries, and their closely maintained friendship with the Russian government, the Sheremetev family is amongst one of the wealthiest in Russia and the world at large.

Ivan Sheremetev, current head of the family and their business, is the only child of Boris and Anastasia. Their respective jobs already came with a level of paranoia and strict safety measures in the family, but their deaths made Ivan far more cautious and obsessive. Ivan was a teenager when his parents died (somewhere between 15-18) and he’s basically become a doomsday prepper, but instead of a Zombie invasion or whatever, he’s more concerned that some goon will invade his house. Bitch has the most insane and overkill security system in the world, plus he does all that martial arts and marvel superhero training. And then he went and had kids, and somehow managed to become even more hypervigilant, makes them all take at least one “bad bitch, kick your ass” type class (judo, krav maga, etc). He rarely drinks in public, fucking nerd even drank gingerale and pretended it was alcohol so he could keep his wits about him. He used to masquerade as a party boy to keep people disarmed around him, but after adopting children, especially once he had the non-triplets, he just acts as the truth; tired father. 100% uses them as an excuse to avoid parties and the media (lol, he’s just a brooding loner type who has maybe 12 friends, and 5 of those are his kids). Ivan is bad at expressing emotions, but genuinely loves his kids, and is simultaneously the most laid back and most helicopter parent ever. The kids are out late? It’s okay, I trust them, and they’ll call if something bad happens. One of them fell off the monkeybars on the school playground? I AM SUING THEM FOR CHILD ENDANGERMENT!

𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐈𝐕𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐕𝐈𝐂𝐇 𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐓𝐄𝐕 ➤AGE: 18 ➤BIRTHPLACE: Yakutsk, Russia ➤RESIDENCE: St. Petersburg, Russia ➤BIRTHDAY: March 21 ➤FACE CLAIM: Simon Nessman

➤PERSONALITY OVERVIEW: Overall, he’s a pretty decent guy. Big, big brother energy, also has a lot of dad energy, and is a mother hen. The type of guy that says “you kids these days”, even though he’s barely a year older. Rather sarcastic, but it’s mostly playful, loves a pun. Is pretty and petty, kind of a hoe, we got a male Anto here. Somersaults and does splits and other flippy shit completely randomly while walking, just ‘cause he can. He’s extra like that. Loves to tease his younger siblings, and will purposefully embarrass them, he will yell across campus to do so, “HEY ERASYL, REMEMBER HOW YOU GOT SCARED BY THE CAT LAST WEEK AND SNUCK INTO MY ROOM!” Has also yelled relationship advice and dating tips. Also more explicit tips. Despite his embarrassing tendencies, hoe nature, and general playfulness, apart from Feodor (the butler), Rodya is the certified adult™️ of the family, when any of the other Sheremetev kids have a problem, they all go directly to him, skipping over Ivan, who also goes to Rodya when he’s got a problem (but has great difficulty owning up to the problem too). Because of their emotionally stunted father, Rodya has become the emotional support of the family, though he certainly wasn’t always good at it. By the time Ivan brought Emil into the family, Rodya (around 13 at the time) quickly grew up to help the traumatized Emil adjust to the new family (lol, they’re all traumatized), and changed his previously dismissive and rude behaviour towards Adya. Because he took over what should’ve fallen to the parent, Rodya has a lot of buried issues himself, particularly a temper, which flares up whenever any of his family or friends are being attacked in some way. Insulting one of my brat’s? Lol, let me teach you what gravel tastes like. Rodya seems like the best behaved of them all, he’s outwardly the most polite and charming Sheremetev, but he’s the most dangerous and vicious of them all.

➤LIKES: Cereal (is possibly addicted to it??? Can eat it for any meal and as a snack, it is genuinely a concern), Tequila (this wasn’t intentional, but I’ve been going through dick grayson memes for inspiration, and I vote Rodya as Anto’s best friend, the Princess can suck it), he a Gucci boy, winter, ice skating, eurovision, Frozen and disney movies in general, will belt those songs out at any time of the day or night, but Frozen has a special place in his heart ➤DISLIKES: Brooding people (got enough of that in his family), clowns, lazy fashion (black suit, white shirt again? Fucking try my dude), teen language constantly evolving (what happened to thristing? wtf is simping?), overpowering scents (like axe, that shit gross yo, have some class) ➤HOBBIES: Gymnastics and acrobatics (has no interest in joining a circus, but it helps him feel close to his parents), boxing (needs to beat up anyone that might threaten his family), karate (black belt), coding/hacking, frolicking (lol, is that a hobby? Hanging out with the friends and the “kids” - his sibs)  

➤RELATIONSHIP WITH THE OTHERS: Rodion gets along best with everyone else in the family, and is pretty much the lightning rod guiding them all back together. He’s grandpa’s (Feodor) sassy lil baby boy forever, and the only other person to sometimes have a brain cell, he’s dad’s (Ivan) pride and joy, not to mention emotional rock. Rodya feels so that Ivan doesn’t have to. He keeps Adya in check, is Emil’s idol, Shion’s best bro, and Erasyl’s actual dad (not really, but he parents Erasyl more than Ivan, so). When asked who’s their favourite member of the family, every Sheremetev without hesitation will answer Rodion (for himself, he’ll refuse to answer, he’s nice like that).  

➤SHORT BIO: The first, and the favourite; Rodion was born as Rodion Petyrovich Kirilov, his parents, Petyr and Masha, were members of a contemporary circus (a la cirque du soleil, but smallers, and in Russia), as a rarity in the contemporary circus, the Kirilov’s were a circus family, but that’s more of an arguable point, since Petyr and Masha were individually trained, and they were only beginning to pass on their skills, etc to Rodion when the thing™️ happened. When he was 5, Rodion’s parents were killed in what seemed to be an act gone wrong (though in truth a jealous member of the circus messed with the rigging, causing them to plummet to their deaths). Ivan Sheremetev just happened to have been attending that very show, and also just happened to witness the murderer in the act, and relayed his information to the police. As an orphan himself, though he was much older than Rodya when his parents died, Ivan empathized with the young child, and adopted him on pretty much impulse. Because he is so much dumber than he seems (he eats burgers with a knife and fork), he was able to win over young Rodya due to being “funny”, and they established their own little family, Rodya quickly picking up Feodor’s sassy remarks, and becoming a little darling by Ivan’s side at fancy Russian events.

When Adrian was brought into the family, Rodya was far from the best big brother he is now. Adya came into the family with Rodya was 11 (Adya himself was 10), so for 6 years, he was the only child in Ivan and Feodor’s care, and was certainly spoiled by the two. Adya’s arrival sparked First Child Syndrome in Rodya, who absolutely detested having to share the limelight now with another kid. He was incredibly rude to Adya, and repeatedly referred to him as a replacement, which resulted in Adya lashing out and running away a few times as well. He’s really not proud of this, not to mention, he’s definitely where Adya learned that replacement insult from, and subsequently used on Emil. He eventually got over it mostly on his own, though got a nice little pep talk from Feodor about how all three (Rodya, Adya, and Ivan) are just lost children who need to find a family, and Rodya begrudgingly began extending an olive branch to Adya and trying to get along with him, even being the one to bring him back to the manor a couple of times. He was much better prepared when Emil arrived 2 years later and smoothly transitioned into the “Best Big Brother” mantle he has now, and continued being the best bro when Shion and Erasyl arrived, though the younger ones started having issues with not being the new baby anymore (lmao, welcome to the club you dorks).  The day Rodion left for EHS was hilariously emotional, they were all crying ‘cause they didn’t want him to go, which in turn made him cry too. The other kids didn’t talk to Ivan for a week ‘cause he sent big brother away (overdramatic much, they’d be joining him in a year, two for Erasyl, anyway).

𝐀𝐃𝐑𝐈𝐀𝐍 𝐈𝐕𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐕𝐈𝐂𝐇 𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐓𝐄𝐕 ➤AGE: 17   ➤BIRTHPLACE: Moscow, Russia ➤RESIDENCE: St. Petersburg, Russia ➤BIRTHDAY: August 16 ➤FACE CLAIM: Sean O’Pry

➤PERSONALITY OVERVIEW: (1) angry boi. He’s so petty and broken, and like, just needs love? He had a less than stellar relationship with his birth parents, and does not easily trust people. Adrian struggles the most with being called a “charity case”, it’s not really the insult that bothers him, but the implication that he isn’t loved by his dad, because he can’t fully trust that Ivan genuinely loves him as his son (plus Ivan isn’t exactly a share-my-feelings type, so that’s no help). Adya is quick to throw a punch, and has no patience, at all. If something is bothering him, he reacts immediately, usually with anger. On the flip side, he’s also really sweet and a nerd. Like that trope of “Bad boy who picks up cats in the rain”, that’s him, to a T! He loves literature and can recite Shakespeare from memory alone (lol, and has the nerve to call Emil a nerd), and is generally rather prickly, but if you can shave down those spikes, you’ve got a friend for life in him. ➤LIKES: Poetry, plays, literature, shakespeare, history, mythology, tolstoy, dostoyevsky, the beach, whiskey ➤DISLIKES: clowns, drugs (just say no), cops (acab), fire (he’s a tad pyrophobic), enclosed spaces (also claustrophobic), being told what to do (not a fan of being controlled) ➤HOBBIES: Reading, studying (he’s such a nerd), weight-lifting (does that count as a hobby?), mixed martial arts, napping, homework (lol, lil mr. bad boy here is top of the class), drama club (backstage stuff and directing, also script)     ➤RELATIONSHIP WITH THE OTHERS: It's complicated. When he first arrived to the Manor, he had a very teasing, bratty relationship with Rodya (he teased his new big brother, 'cause lol, dad loves me more now, you weren't enough), which Rodya did not like, but underwent the same crisis when Ivan brought Emil home and was much worse about. He has trust issues and has run away from home numerous times, but most of the time he went back on his own, or was quickly found by Ivan (and later Rodya). He deeply loves his family, but struggles with admitting it, and is fearful that they do not love him. He gets along the least with Emil, who was adopted 2 years after him, and frequently, to this day, calls him a replacement (something he picked up from Rodya). As both are aggressive types, he technically gets along the best with Erasyl, often teaming up to pull off shenanigans and teenage rebellion, but they constantly argue, and each views the other as the “stupid” one in their duo (lol, you’re both dumb). They’re also both super scared of Shion (she beat him up for talking shit). His relationship with Ivan is the most complicated, because he wants Ivan’s love and approval, but also refuses to admit that, though he does have it (even though Ivan struggles with admitting it too - they’re all so dumb).

➤SHORT BIO: The second one and resident “bad boy” (LOL, he’s so not), Adrian was born to Andrei and Olga Petrov, a regular working class family. Olga left them when Adya was 2, and Andrei subsequently remarried to a woman named Alina. Alina was a drug addict, as well as a drug dealer (she specialized in Heroin), which is how she and Andrei met. Both were addicts and frequently abused Adrian while high, when in withdrawal, and when completely sober. He was routinely locked out of their apartment and left to sleep outside in the freezing cold. Because of his upbringing, Adrian has had to learn to fend for himself, often resorting to petty crime just to survive. It’s how he met Ivan, as he was trying to steal the wheels off of Ivan’s fancy ass car to sell, but was discovered, and instead of trying to run, idiot decided I’m just gonna attack this guy. Ivan instead, decided to take Adrian in, easily getting custody of him from his birth parents and eventually formalizing the adoption. For this, Adrian is eternally grateful, and hasn’t seen his parents since the night Ivan caught him trying to jack his wheels (or however you say it).

The young Adrian was prone to tantrums, and often ran away from home, but was calmed down and brought back each time, usually by Ivan, a few times by Rodya, and sometimes he would come back on his own. The introduction of Emil in the family was a shocker for him, and made him feel as if he wasn’t enough, ‘cause who needs 3 kids? Not to mention, Emil, unlike himself and Rodya, came from upper society, so he felt a lot of inadequacy, which he dealt with by lashing out. He still dislikes Emil the most, even with Erasyl’s shouts about being the “blood son”. On the plus side, at least he mostly gets along with Rodya now. Technically speaking, Adrian is the youngest of the not-triplets (himself, Emil, and Shion), but having been adopted second acts as the oldest, and gets away with it due to his aggressive and independent nature.

𝐄𝐌𝐈𝐋 𝐈𝐕𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐕𝐈𝐂𝐇 𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐓𝐄𝐕 ➤AGE: 17   ➤BIRTHPLACE: Greiz, Germany ➤RESIDENCE: St. Petersburg, Russia ➤BIRTHDAY: July 19 ➤FACE CLAIM: Louis Hofmann  

➤PERSONALITY OVERVIEW: A very good boy, he is just the fucking sweetest, he could give you diabetes. But he is a Sheremetev sibling, and thus also is PETTY AF! He fucking logs every wrong another sibling has ever committed against him in a digital diary, and has the receipts when he complains to one of the “adults” (aka Rodion mostly, sometimes Feodor or Ivan). Emil is the “smart” one (lol, he’s got an IQ of 187, but will also blindly accept anything Rodya says as fact), and so he uses his brains to psychological torture Adya and Erasyl when they get on his nerves. He’s utterly savage when it comes to a comeback or witty comment, and can be impatient when it comes to letting someone else be in charge of technology (dies inside every time someone types www into the address bar). He makes a conscious effort to model himself after Rodya (apart from Rodya’s hoe-ing), to emulate that nice, caring, dependable thing that Rodya has, and was a super adorable mini-me when they were younger. Has insomnia, from a mix of nightmares from repressed trauma, and staying up online at all hours of the day and night like a typical zillenial. Runs on caffeine and candy.  

➤LIKES: Technology, he a computer geek, rococo, baroque, champagne, pastels, sunlight, summer, acrobatics, the circus, von gogh, monet   ➤DISLIKES: slow wifi connections, laggy computers (like excuse you windows, but I need those 4 browsers with 50+ tabs each, you know me, figure it out), blood, erasyl   ➤HOBBIES: computer engineering (is that a hobby, or just like a life goal? The latter probs), coding, tattling on adrian and erasyl, planning elaborate ways to get back at adrian and erasyl

➤RELATIONSHIP WITH THE OTHERS: In general, he gets along with his siblings, with two glaring exceptions; Adrian and Erasyl, both of whom view him as an unwelcome replacement, well, for Erasyl, he’s a placeholder (which, I mean, calm down, we all know who dad’s favourite is - Rodya). Emil gets along the best with Rodya, whose parents he saw perform live once before their deaths, upon his arrival to the Sheremetev manor, witnessed Rodya pulling off a similar stunt on the banister (which gave poor Ivan a heart attack) and immediately became obsessed. Because they both had a strong brotherly bond with Rodya from pretty much the get go, Emil and Erasyl argue over Rodya the most. Aside from Rodya, Emil and Shion are rather close, though she doesn’t open up much, the two often team up against Adya and Erasyl.

➤SHORT BIO: Born to Heinrich XXVIII, Prince Reuss of Greiz and Elsa von Hohenberg, the last scions of the Elder Line of the House of Reuss, and born as Heinrich XXIX, Emil is the heir to the Principality of Reuss-Greiz, which was technically inherited by his cousin, Prince Heinrich of the Junior Reuss line (they’ll all named Heinrich in the honour of the Emperor who enobled them - lame). His parents were killed when he was 12; his death was subsequently faked alongside theirs and he was taken in by Ivan, a friend of his parents, for his protection. Emil witnessed his parents' murders and was covered in their blood when he was found by the guards, the incident clearly left him traumatized, and for the most part has shut out the memory, though he still has nightmares about it, which contributes to his insomnia.

When he was first brought to the Sheremetev manor, Emil was very withdrawn and solitary, often staying by himself in his room (with the doors and windows locked) or sticking by Ivan’s side. He was slowly brought out of his shell by Rodya, though this immediately sparked jealousy and insecurity in Adya, beginning their “rivalry”.  

𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐈𝐕𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐕𝐍𝐀 𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐓𝐄𝐕𝐀 ➤AGE: 17   ➤BIRTHPLACE: Susaki, Japan ➤RESIDENCE: St. Petersburg, Russia ➤BIRTHDAY: January 26 ➤FACE CLAIM: Dilraba Dilmurat

➤PERSONALITY OVERVIEW: Seems like a brooding, silent, lowkey scary type, but really she’s just introverted. Doesn’t interact if she doesn’t know someone and/or it’s unnecessary. When she talks, she’s savage and witty (lol, despite them not being blood related, that’s a trait all the Sheremetev’s have). She’s honestly super dorky, loves shit like Naruto and One Piece and Batman cartoons (has declared she IS batman). Shion loves messing with people and will always make up shit to throw people off, she loves the whole concept of being the mysterious loner type, and there’s equal chance she’s saying a true fact about herself, or it’s another joke to fuck with you.   ➤LIKES: Messing with her brothers, dark colours, ➤DISLIKES:   ➤HOBBIES:   ➤RELATIONSHIP WITH THE OTHERS: Quiet. Because she’s generally rather reserved, it’s not quite evident upfront how close or distant she is to her family, since she’s physically generally off doing her own thing, however, like her other brothers, she is close to Rodya, and tends to hang out with him when she has nothing else to do (she be the designated driver for the hoes - she could drive since she was like 12, yes, she had to heels and creative methods to reach the pedals, but she could drive).

➤SHORT BIO: Born as Orihara Shion, Shion is the daughter of Orihara Chinatsu, the former third generation leader of Sesshō-Kai (殺生会), a Yakuza based in Kōchi, her father is unknown, but is or was presumably a member of her family’s Yakuza. From the moment she was born, Shion was separated from her mother and raised in secrecy for her protection, as well as education, as per Chinatsu’s instructions, she was being raised to one day take over the Yakuza.

Technically speaking, she is the oldest of the “triplets”, but is treated as the youngest of the three, having been adopted last, and she’s pretty okay with it. Got to be doted on as the baby before the brat (Erasyl) arrived.

adopted when she was 13 (dick 14, and the other two 13 as well)

𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐒𝐘𝐋 𝐈𝐕𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐕𝐈𝐂𝐇 𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐓𝐄𝐕 ➤AGE: 15   ➤BIRTHPLACE:  Almaty, Kazakhstan ➤RESIDENCE: St. Petersburg, Russia   ➤BIRTHDAY: August 9 ➤FACE CLAIM: Bright Vachirawit

➤PERSONALITY OVERVIEW: ➤LIKES: ➤DISLIKES:   ➤HOBBIES:   ➤RELATIONSHIP WITH THE OTHERS: Terrible. He’s very insecure about his father’s affections and always gets into fights with the others, particularly Emil and Adya. He’s scared of Shion, because the one time he managed to anger her, she threw him off a balcony (he’s fine, just traumatized - technically, Rodya once beat him too, but that was to teach him a lesson, Shion was straight up trying to kill him). Erasyl gets along the best with Rodya and is very possessive of him, especially since Rodya tends to pamper him and treat him like a child. Very quickly gets jealous when Rodya spends time with the others, especially Emil (You can have father, but Rodya is mine <- has actually said that, out loud).

➤SHORT BIO: The baby, Erasyl is the only biological child of Ivan

the only biological child (15), a brat, was a real bitch to them all, but started respecting dick when he beat him, and is now super attached to him

𝐄𝐗𝐓𝐑𝐀

➤MOODBOARD: https://urstyle.fashion/styles/2594157 ➤SCHOOL WARDROBE/AESTHETICS: https://urstyle.fashion/collections/115802 ➤PLAYLIST:

[thenotoriousscuttlecliff]

Moffat Era Rewatch: Extremis

The Pope comes to the Doctor asking for help...

Warning: Spoilers Sweetie

I know this is the first part of a three part story, but I’m recapping it separately because I don’t want to do a three episode recap and I feel it works enough well on it own. 

New looks for Twelve. This is one of the things I love most about this Doctor. Like Three and Four, he has a distinctive, recognisable style that allows room for constant variation. In the last few episodes alone he has gone through more wardrobe changes than most Doctors go through during their entire run.   

“Thought you'd retired. Domestic bliss on Darillium, that's the word among the Daleks.” Do the Daleks often gossip about the Doctor’s love life? 

We don’t find out who is executing Missy, but why is pretty obvious. She’s the bloody Master for crying out loud. Half the universe must wants her dead. 

Makes a refreshing change to have a religious leader, rather than a political one, seek out the Doctor for help. 

“Pope Benedict. Lovely girl. What a night. I knew she was trouble, but she wove a spell with her castanets.”    

The Pope is played by Joseph Long who previously appeared in ‘Turn Left’ 

The Doctor’s moved his desk since the last episode.

This is all very The Name of the Rose, which I think was deliberate on Moffat’s part. 

“Assume nothing. Assumption makes an ass out of you, and umption.”

SimMoria is just as ignorant as real Moria. 

“Well, whatever this is, and actually it's not anything yet, it is absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. Okay?” 

And then the Pope walks in. 

Talk about a mood killer. 

So how comes the TARDIS doesn’t translate the Pope? Possible it is a glitch in the simulation or SimTARDIS loves messing with the strays. 

This guy’s reaction is just perfect. 

“Doctor! Here's a tip. When I'm on a date, when that rare and special thing happens in my real life, do not, do not under any circumstances, put the Pope in my bedroom!”

Okay, some of these Catholics have to having a crisis of faith from being inside an alien time machine.  

“Pope Benedict said that you were more in need of confession than any man breathing. But when the offer was made, you replied it would take too much time. On behalf of the Catholic Church, the offer stands. You seem like a man with regret on his mind.”

“Goodness is not goodness that seeks advantage. Good is good in the final hour, in the deepest pit without hope, without witness, without reward. Virtue is only virtue in extremis. This is what he believes, and this is the reason above all, I love him. My husband. My madman in a box. My Doctor.” *shipper sobbing*

Nardole has River’s diary, which she had when she went to the library. So the only possible way he can have it is if he went to the library and retrieved it after her death. 

This places puts even the TARDIS library to shame

“I'll be good, I promise. I'll turn, I'll turn good. Please. Teach me, teach me how to be good.” I do not think for a instant that she is being genuine here. This is all an act to save her skin and the Doctor probably knows it, but he’ll still save her because that’s what the Doctor does. 

“Of course there's Wi-Fi. It's a library.”   

According to that priest’s emails he had a meeting with a Bill Pullman. Not the Bill Pullman, surely?  

“Yeah, at least one person read the Veritas and lived.” *gunshot*

“I am the only person you have ever met, or ever will meet, who is officially licensed to kick the Doctor's arse. I will happily do the same to you, in the event that you do not align yourself with any instructions I have issued which I personally judge to be in the best interests of your safety and survival.”

“On my oath as a Time Lord of the Prydonian Chapter, I will guard this body for a thousand years.” Okay, this I’ve never understood, why didn’t he just keep the Quantum Fold chamber on the TARDIS? Why does he stick it under a university in Bristol? Was it because he knew she’d get out and didn’t want her loose on the TARDIS? But then why Bristol? 

The exterior shot of the Pentagon kinda spoils the shock reveal that they are in the Pentagon. 

It is a shame the rest out this trilogy turn out so badly, because the Monks could’ve made for a fairy decent adversary. 

“You know, I've read a lot of books that this chair would be quite useful for. Moby Dick. Honestly, shut up, and get to the whale.” I got one page into that before I threw it away. 

Since we know that none of these people are real i wonder if the urge to kill themselves after reading the Veritas was something written into everyone’s code, like some sort of fail safe subroutine to stop the sims from becoming too self aware. 

“And I'm just wondering what happens if we move outside the light of the projector?”

RIP SimNardole.

The president here is clearly not Trump, but in the next episode it clearly is. So why not in the simulation? Did the Monks just never conceive that humans would be so stupid as to actually elect the fucker? 

“Those pretend people you shoot at in computer games. Now you know.” “Know what?” "They think they're real. They feel it. We feel it.” A frightening thought which make me glad I don’t play video games. 

RIP SimBill

“I have nothing. Not even hope.” Even when only a simulation, when the Doctor is at his lowest, when all seems lost, River will always give him the strength to go on, to keep fighting, and to win. 

If SimDoctor has her diary on his person that must mean the real Doctor does as well. 

“Oh, you don't have to be real to be the Doctor. Long as you never give up.” Love that line. 

“I'm doing what everybody does when the world is in danger. I'm calling the Doctor. Pressing send.”

He sighed off that message with a kiss. To himself. 

No one is out of your league, Bill. 

“Oi! Get off. Get off! I've just been executed. Show a little respect.” 

Next Time: The Pyramid at the End of the World/The Lie of the Land

[sweetwriting]

Tim Drake Week 2017 - Day 5 : Injury / Healing

Category : Gen

Genre : Angst / Family

Fandoms : DC Comics, Batman (1940), Detective Comics, Robin v4 (1993), Red Robin (2009), Teen Titans (2003)

Continuity : Post-Crisis/Pre-Flashpoint

Summary : So maybe Tim loved Dick too much, but to be fair Dick was the only person he had to love for a long time.

Author’s notes : This one’s about Tim and Dick’s BROTHERLY relationship Also I try to keep most of the fics for this Week less than 1000 words...I have failed yet again

Word Count : 2827

To read it on AO3

Tim, as can be expected from any non-powered person running around in costume fighting criminals, had received many injuries in the past four years (as proved by his asplenia). Physical, psychological (thank you Scarecrow, Darkseid and Granny Goodness, you've been some of the worse) and emotional, he went through them all. It probably did not help that he was from a rich family (no matter how reckless he could be sometimes, he still lived in as safe an environment Gotham or boarding school for Richie rich (white) kids could be) or that he wasn't very emotionally stable to begin with (he never realized it until he got the chance to open up to his friends and they looked at him as if he was the "saddest little bean" ever -Conner's own words. He hadn't known Bart and Conner were able to feel like this toward anything other than children, women or TV shows and Video Games).

So yeah, lots and lots of bad History there. Still the worse injuries had been the emotional and psychological ones (he still had nightmares about their time on Apokalips, he still sees the nightmares Granny Goodness had created for him, he had nightmares where he didn't "turn down" the Anti-Life Equation and those were often mixed with memories of a future where he became a dictator, where he had managed to clone Conner). The worse ones though were the deaths : Steph, Bart Cass. It didn't matter if some ended up not being real he was still forced to start grieving and psychology hadn't really caught up on how to react to your friends coming back to life. There was also that time he was preparing himself for Dick joining the list (he honestly doesn't know what would have happened to him if Dick had died) and Dana, though not physically wounded was pretty much unable to handle a complete conversation or even take care of herself. His mother and father were special cases themselves as what hurt the most was never knowing what could have been and knowing what never was. Then there were the harshest ones : Conner's and Bruce's. They had both impacted him so deeply he didn't think he would ever truly heal from them. Conner's because, well because he's his best friends, one of the most important people in his life (and hadn't that been an unexpected turn) and Bruce, well, because it's Bruce. Tim became Robin to protect him from himself (and barely lasted four years and a half). But everything that happened because of his death made it worse.

And that's what this is about right ?

Tim loves Dick. He has since he was 3. Dick was his role model, then his big brother, one of the rare people he could confide in (After Conner's death, when they were gone and later on learning Bart's "disappearing act" he became pretty much the only one aside from Cassie sometimes). The tragedy of Dick's childhood shaped his life.

And Dick chose Damian. He knew that he had failed Bruce but he still deserved to be Robin and yet Dick had chosen this homicidal kid for the role. And of course, Dick was the new Batman, the former Robin, of course his vision for the role is what mattered most. But...Tim was the one who had...he had to force Bruce to take on a new Robin, he worked himself almost to the death to be worthy of the mantle and it was taken from him. Dick didn't even have the gut to tell him he just...he was walking in to get changed Damian was wearing a Robin uniform. Was it that hard to tell him? Was it because of his theory that Bruce is alive? Did Dick think he was so mad with grief he really didn't deserve the mantle? What was Tim supposed to do? He just said that it was because he thought he was ready to be his own hero. But then why not talk it through with him? He didn't even have the time to choose a new name and he had to find Bruce. He didn't *have* the time for that. How could Dick do that to him. How could he suggest that Tim was mad when he was the one running away from his grief? Dick was the one who got angry at Bruce Oh so many times because he made decisions without consulting the people concerned and Dick did exactly the same with Tim.

The hypocrisy was daunting. Tim had always known that Dick was more similar to Bruce than either of them would admit. But they were similar and it made Tim so, so sad. he didn't know what to do.

Yes, he did.

He had to find Bruce. Because Bruce has to be alive. Because he needs to not be mad. Because his brother, his model admitted that Tim just wasn't enough. No matter the excuses he tried to give, at the end of the day, Tim lost his second father in a year and his brother took the last thing Tim had from him. Took the last bit of anything right in his life away from him to give it to someone who had tried only a few months prior to kill him in order to become Robin. And well Tim had just lost the two things he had left. Damian had reached his goal even if it wasn't in the way he had expected.

But Tim still had one thing to do and he couldn't actually die until it was done. He had to bring Bruce back home.

Bruce had been back for a year now. Tim…still hadn't really talked with either of them.

The truth is that he spent most of his downtime with Conner, Bart, Cassie, or any of the Titans (it turns out Solstice had actually met his father when he went out on a dig once) rather than try to talk to any of the Bats outside of Barbara, Alfred and Cass.

He and Steph had a truce and they could work together if they had to but it was still awkward. They had, after all always had this on and off relationship which only stopped when she died. Her coming back to life ended up with him being confused about which part he was supposed to be feeling : wanting to start again like they always did ? or just try and be friends ? Because it wasn't like it had been with Ariana, when he had pretty much already moved on when they broke up. His and Steph's break up was sudden to him (even if in retrospect he realized it was bound to happen soon enough) and her death only happened within a few weeks of it. He never had the time to realize a car hit him before a truck hit him harder. And this time it seemed to be truly over but what do you do when you have a history of going back to this person, even if you have realized you only did it because of familiarity? Because you missed having intimacy with someone and it was just easier to fall back into a known situation even if it wasn't an ideal one, even if you knew it was going to end badly but couldn't help hoping it wouldn't simply out of fear of being alone, out of fear of never finding anyone you could get this intimacy with.

Tim wished he had an answer to this question but the truth is that he was still struggling. He was lucky he had his friends back to keep him out of Gotham on a regular basis, to be in a somewhat supportive environment. It wasn't perfect obviously, they all had their own issues and Conner and Cassie's strained relationship wasn't easy especially for him and Bart. Because while they were all best friends Bart and him were better friends with Conner than they were with Cassie and Cassie knew it and even if neither tried to make them chose between them (it wasn't a "who to side with" choice obviously, more of "who gets to keep who" kind of choice) they all knew what that choice would be, especially for Tim (Bart might choose Cassie just to counterbalance Tim's choice, even if it wouldn't be his main choice), and it hurt because they did love Cassie. So even if they didn't talk about it, the elephant was in the room. Or at least it was until Bart couldn't stand it and locked the three of them in a room until they either "killed each other, made up or had a threesome" (the last one had shocked them, both because they didn't understand why Bart would associate the idea of a threesome with them and because, even if they knew Bart had grown up and was knowledgeable about a variety of subjects, some things were still hard to swallow and Bart being aware of sex always managed to surprise them no matter how often it happened). Of course they could have gotten out easily, between the two powerhouses and Tim's own pick locking skills, it was child's play. Only, if Bart hadn't intervened, Tim wouldn't have lasted much longer. So when his friends got ready to destroy the door, he stopped them and forced them to confront their issues (it was so much easier to force other than to do it himself). And sure, just because they talked about it, it didn't mean everything was all and good but it meant that at some point it could be.

And why was he saying this? Because he was avoiding the situation at hand obviously. He was in a coffee shop, sitting across from Dick, a cup of hot chocolate filled with melting whipped cream between his hands. Cass was right, they had to talk things through. Still, she had allowed him a few months because for once in his life he felt he had a right to not forgive right away. Sure it seemed petty but, Tim always forgave people. There were only five instances when he didn't forgive right away: when Bruce had revealed his identity to Steph, when half of Young Justice had admitted to not trusting him (when Kon and Bart had admitted to not trusting him), when he learned that Leslie Thompkins and Steph had lied to them about Steph's death, when Jason had tried to kill him and when Damian had tried to kill him. And even then he had always forgiven in the weeks that followed (it took a lot longer for Leslie, Jason and Bart but the circumstances were different...and he's still struggling with the Damian situation but it's complicated and linked to this one). Simply put, Tim had to live through hell. He hadn't been sure he would survive the emotional strain and at some point he hadn't even been sure he wanted to (actually he was sure he hadn't wanted to). And of course, he wasn't the only one, he knew that but it didn't make his distress go away. So he let himself feel it, acknowledge his feelings for once (which was actively encouraged by his friends) until Cass decided enough was enough (she was right of course it was starting to wring him down, whether he managed to bridge the gap between them or not, he needed to let go).

The thing is, Dick had never apologized.

It may seem stupid but Dick was the biggest influence in his life, along with Bruce, and he had taken everything away from him without even informing him and, and he hadn't even apologized.

This was going to be long.

The whipped cream was completely melted by now. He hadn't been this awkward with Dick since Dick had been his own Batman. It was a lifetime ago (and even then the awkwardness wasn't nearly this bad). He didn't know what to say. Dick seemed to be as lost as he was and he could see Cass hovering nearby. And he couldn't hold it in anymore:

"You never apologized" he blurted out, eyes still lost in his mug.

Dick was obviously taken aback (and why wouldn't he, they had been silent for at least 5 whole minutes before Tim started talking), so he continued.

"You took the Robin mantle from me and gave it to Damian of all people. I had to work at convincing you and Bruce I deserved it and he got it almost right after Bruce's death, you didn't even have the decency to ask me if I was ready, if I was okay for it. I get why he needed it now, but back then you just sprung it on me. You did to me what you're always reproaching to Bruce. I lost my second father in a year, most of my friends were dead and you took away not only the role I had worked so hard to fill and you took my trust in you with it. You even took the trust I had in Cassie when you asked her to come and convince me I was mad. You pretty much called me crazy."

Tim stopped for a second. Taking a deep breathe he looked up from his hot chocolate. Dick seemed to be about to say something but didn't seem to be able to form any words and Tim would have interrupted him anyway. He needed to finish what he had started or he might lose al his courage :

"I know you have emotional issues, we all do, but I thought you could at least manage to apologize. I was alone Dick, I didn't feel safe anywhere because it felt like at any point you were going to send someone new to convince me to go to Arkham. And I get that you had other things to do and that all of a sudden you had other responsibilities on top of having to deal with Bruce's death but it doesn't change the fact that I was one of your responsibilities and you chose to give up on me. You acted as if I had this, big and sudden change, like my emotional instability was somehow new. Like your actions wouldn't, hadn't impacted it. It wasn't Dick and I'm sure you know it, that you knew it, but it was easier to ignore it."

And he knew it was harsh and even a little unfair, that he wasn't perfect either but it felt good to just, lay it out there. And Dick looked horrified and he probably hadn't realized how badly Tim was doing back then. Dick was usually good at pinpointing other's emotional weaknesses but for some reason he had never seemed to really see Tim's. He tried to reach out from across the table, tried to take Tim's hands in his own because, for once, he really needed this bit of contact. But the action surprised Tim who retracted them quickly. They both winced at the reflexive movement which was oh so reflecting of the state of their relationship. Still it seemed to renew Dick's determination and while he didn't try to touch Tim again, he made sure to look him in the eye as he spoke to him :

"You're right I'm sorry. I have no actual excuse for this except that I didn't realize what it was doing to you. I honestly thought you were ready to fly on your own and that Damian needed to be Robin in order to adjust better and I didn't think about how it'd affect you. I said it was because I considered you my equal and still pulled a Bruce and took you out of the decision-making process. And you're right I should have apologized long ago but I didn't really comprehend what had gone wrong until now and I'm so sorry. I promise I'll try to work on it but, I'm not a mind reader. You also have to promise that if I ever do something like that again you will knock some sense into me. Like you usually do with Bruce"

And that was it. Tim didn't really need some long-winded apology. This was enough : acknowledging their faults and promising they'd at least try to get better

And sure, as with Conner and Cassie's resolution, things were far from perfect and wouldn't be for a long while. But as he was suddenly enveloped in his big brother's arms (which was a nice change from Bart, Cassie and Conner, no matter how much he loved the little massaging Conner did around his ears during their half hugs)…as he finally, and for the first time in over a year, truly felt that he was loved by Dick instead of just guessing, thinking, supposing, deducing…Now that he truly felt it, knew it for sure; he had hope that he could really salvage their relationship.

Author’s Note 2 : This work is un-betaed, if you have any advice or anything don't hesitate to tell me (no I'm not fishing for comments I have no idea what you mean)I didn't talk about Tim's suicidal attempts, especially not in the conversation because I don't think either of them are ready to even start thinking about it, much less talking about it.I have put some TimKonCassie again, for a ship that I don't ship it sure comes up often (then again in all of their comics versions Kon and Cassie's relationship almost always only exist through Tim. so if I write about KonCassie it's gonna end up being KonTimCassie...)There's a tiny bit of sexism at the beginning, it's because -sadly- the 90's were a quite sexist time (not that it's much better today) and some, tendencies of the heroes reflect that (except for Kon who was actually not *that* bad, for various reasons I won't get into here until around the 60-70 issues of his first Superboy series and especially Joe Kelly and Dan Didio's run at whichpoint he became a fuckboy and even a tad homophobic (oh I long for the time when he barely batted an eyelash when he learned that his then best friend was gay and thought he and his bf were a cute couple...)), it was a time full of comments that "when cute girl talking to you/you talking to cute girl = flirting even if you're not actually interested"...

[dailybestiary]

Knight & Megapon Ants

Knight ants are a special caste of ants dedicated to defending their colony’s home.  They grow particularly wide heads to protect their colonymates, who also benefit from the greater coordination signaled by the knight ants’ pheromones.  

Megapon ants, meanwhile, have the rare distinction of being (in the editions I own, anyway) the only Bestiary species I’ve seen to not merit a description. (Heck, I can’t even Google a good definition for megapon.)  But at CR 6, they’re nothing to sneeze at; they can carry prodigious amounts of weight; and their Strength-sapping poison suggests the sting of a fire ant or some aggressive, prehistoric lineage.

A clan of dwarves uses alchemical scents to tame and coax behaviors out of their ant livestock.  A local war calls most of the clan elders away from the hold, and when they return they discover that the artificial scents have spoiled.  Their knight ant guards now bar the way to the lower levels, no longer recognizing the dwarves as friends.

A martial arts master with some training as a druid believes in basing his forms and stances off of those in nature.  In order to learn his specialized skills (in game terms, teamwork feats), adventurers must study knight ants in the tunnels of their hill—without killing a single one.

Adventurers are racing through the canopy of the great god’s-home trees, fleeing cannibals hot on their trail.  They come across a column of megapon ants using their bodies to create a bridge for themselves and their giant aphid thralls.  If the adventurers can find a way to sneak across the ant bridge, they will easily lose their pursuers.  Otherwise they might have to fight the enormous ants and the kuru-maddened cannibals at the same time.

—Pathfinder Bestiary 5 27

I recently relistened to the audiobook version of Susanna Clarke’s Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell, read by the outstanding Simon Prebble.  I first listened to it during a massive, speeding ticket-filled, two-day road trip from San Francisco to Portland via Crater Lake several years ago.  I’m happy to say I loved it then—so much so that in my hunger for more I discovered Naomi Novik’s Temeraire series and Patrick O’Brian’s Aubrey–Maturin books—and I loved it now—so much so that I accrued $28 in overdue fines because I had other books checked out and didn’t want to give any of them back.  (If you throw in the speeding tickets, that’s compelling evidence that good books make me make bad choices, apparently.)

JS&MN truly is an extraordinary book—all the more so because it’s a first novel.  (Neil Gaiman’s quote about a fragment from one of Clarke’s early drafts—“It was like watching someone sit down to play the piano for the first time and she plays a sonata”—still holds up.)  The true-to-the-1800s language, the sense of place, and the treatment of academic arguments as being as important as a battle are nearly perfect.  I love the characters; I love the world; I love the faerie lore; I love almost everything.

Because I love it so much, certain things still drive me nuts.  Most of these little things are insufficiently answered (to my mind, at least) questions or breakdowns in verisimilitude: How can Mr Norrell justify obstructing the progress of all other magicians if he publicly claims to want to restore English magic…why does Childermass remain with Mr Norrell for so long even after the meanness of his master’s character is revealed…why do Lady Pole and Stephen Strange’s maladies go so long undiagnosed, even with a faerie glamour to blame…things like that.  In reality, the book may be better for not answering these questions, but they still leave me fidgety with agitation.

A second listen did also confirm a major beef I had the first time I listened to it, though: It is a figure eight of a work, its whole shape constantly circling around two black holes of noninformation.  

The first is that the actual working of magic is barely shown and never explained.  Clarke has said that she “really like[s] magicians,” but weirdly she seems willing to gloss over the magic they do almost entirely. (Early in the book this is amusing—even the characters are impatient to see magic done—but by 2/3s of the way in it’s infuriatingly coy.)  We almost never get a sense of how it feels for the magicians to do magic, or why these two men have succeeded where almost no one else has.  (That they were prophesied doesn’t cut it.)  It’s a staggeringly strange omission, especially to a fantasy fan audience used to reading about how it feels to come into one’s power, whatever that power may be.  Strange in particular stumbles into magic and then the narrative curtain closes; when it reopens he is already a thaumaturgical Mozart.  That is, as the South Park kids would say, some total BS right there.

The second problem is that this is a work of alternate history that refuses to share its alternate history.  True, the novel purports to be written by someone from Strange’s acquaintance only a generation or so later, so much of this knowledge is assumed to be held by the reader.  But despite all its many, many, many footnotes, the book barely gives us a coherent alternate timeline, and so much of how the novel’s history diverges from our own is unclear.  (For comparison, Philip K. Dick is a downright clumsy author compared to Clarke, but I can tell you more about the history of Man in the High Castle, and it’s a mere pamphlet next to the Bible-fat JS&MN.)  I don't need much more detail, but I do need more.

Worse yet, not only has Clarke created a fictional northern England with a fictional Raven King that we don't know enough about, but she also seems to have fallen a little in love with him. (Strong evidence of this is that the characters positively won’t shut up about him; he even gives his name to the novel’s third act.)  It is dangerous to fall in love with fictional people or settings, and doing so is a surefire way to undermine the story.  (Notice, for instance, how Tolkien burns the Shire, and how J. K. Rowling—whose writerly smarts are often underrated—is careful to get her characters out of Hogwarts after the love letter to it that is The Order of the Phoenix.  Now compare that to, say, The Name of the Wind, which struck me as loving its central character just a bit too much, or the insufferable anime Clamp School Detectives, whose love for its own impossible setting is a veritable fountain of onanism (see what I did there?) that eventually feels like a taunt to the viewer who will never attend there. You can’t love your fictional children too hard, and Clarke loves John Uskglass.

So as I said, a great novel, but a figure eight thanks to these two crucial holes.  Do not under *any* circumstances let these prevent you from reading it though!

Unfortunately, a new qualm came up as I was listening this time: the novel’s hagiography of Englishness. In a 2005 interview with Locus, Susanna Clarke practically quoted Tolkien word for word in her lament that England did not have a myth of its own. (Sidebar: English culture is odd in that its most famous legend, Beowulf, takes place in Denmark, a divorce of a people from its mythic geography that seems to really bother certain writers.  In fact, this lack is responsible for both The Silmarillion and JS&MN.  King Arthur doesn’t work for them for some reason; he’s either too British rather than English—a distinction too arcane for my American mind, but there it is—or too Welsh, and his legend has definitely become too French.  Robin Hood doesn’t work either, for some reason, despite his being safely nestled in the East Midlands.  The tl;dr of all this is that there is no understanding the English mythic imagination when you’re a fat Yank git.)  So Clarke fills JS&MN with her love for England—its people, its cities, and its countryside, especially the North, where she revels in its preindustrial wildness.  And Englishness as a laudatory attribute fills nearly every page.  (More on this can be found over on Wikipedia, but don’t go there until you’ve read/listened to the book, because it’s spoiler central.)

The thing is though, Clarke is smart enough to know that glorifying England, Englishness, Englishmen (emphasis on the “men” there), and king/queen and country has caused a lot of pain for other folks in the world.  So she works very hard to undercut this worship of Englishness, giving strong roles to women, nonwhite, and poor characters, and amplifying their voicelessness in the society of that time through the narrative.  It’s all a genius balancing act, and it all serves to intentionally undercut and deflate the project of England worship that the novel is busily engaged in…

…And yet, Englishness, in the end, wins out.  England remains the hero.  The English countryside itself is instrumental in turning the tide in the final encounter.  Lovely, lush, green, hilly, moor-covered England is still the hero.

Which should be all well and good, but…  Well, I’m just not on board with cheering for England right now. 

I’m a Top Gear fan.  And I watched Jeremy Clarkson’s no-one-is-better-than-us casual racism—as an American I’m spared the overt racism of his other appearances—wax stronger with every season, slowly curdling my affection.  And I watched Brexit throw my expatriate scientist friends’ careers into a tumult and imperil their research.  It was also, more to the point, a triumph of Englishness over the needs of Britishness.  

And here on this side of the pond, I’ve watched a similar dynamic play out, as many Americans have taken to celebrating America—or at least, their mean, small-minded, and resentful notion of it—to the point that pride of place and race have become more important than the principals that make America work.

So I still love JS&MN.  And I think you should read and even love JS&MN.  And zero of what I’ve said in the previous two paragraphs is Susanna Clarke’s fault.  But in JS&MN, a country is a character—the protagonist even. And right now, in 2017, loving a place more than people doesn’t feel that good.

So I’m going to return JS&MN back to the library for another 7 years or so, or maybe for longer.  And the next time I get it out, I hope I’ve fallen back in love with England and America.

Because that is the magic I most want to see.