#(they did not know me in my Feral Child Fighting Everyone stage of life)

[trans-cuchulainn]

also what is wrong with me that when people try and be gentle-sympathetic when i'm in grumpy pain overwhelm shutdown mode i just want to hit something

"are you okay? ❤" no i'm filled with murderous rage, stop being soft-nice to me before i break something

[micahwright]

@wintersaurora​ location: Fairy King’s Memorial Garden notes: “Love is so short, forgetting is so long.”

There were a few hours until the memorial party... Whatever started. Games to honour the dead, Micah wondered what would go wrong this time. If the sky would open up and split the forest with lightning, if a fire would wash over the crowd, if the fey would poison the wine and make the city go feral. Maybe there’d be zombies again, Micah seemed to miss all these things when they happened. High out of his mind under the forum tripping on space magic or whatever that was, turned into a beetle and locked in a cage by Emma at the masquerade, asleep in her subconscious as she fought for her life against hordes of the undead. Even Lupercalia he’d spent the afternoon between Emory’s thighs, when the fighting broke out he just went into the woods. Fighting had never been his thing. Maybe that made him a coward because Emma... Emma was always in the thick of it. Fighting for her life, for his life. 

Now she was gone. 

Lilies were her favourite, there was a few varieties that grew wild in the mountains of Aurora, him and Emory used to wander them together, pluck them for his sister and surprise Emma when Micah went to sleep. She told him that when lilies grow wild she thought of him, that he was some wild thing that did best with free reign. He had it now and the truth was he didn’t know what to do with it. Micah had sifted through her things at Mutat Domun, tried to find a reason, an answer. There was a letter but Micah hadn’t been able to bring himself to open it. Crumpled and folded up in his pocket he felt like it might burn a hole through his leg. He was tired of this place, tired of these people, tired of their fighting. He wanted an end to it, for Emma. 

A chill brushed past his shoulders and Micah wondered if anything had ever really been his. There was something different about her now, Micah didn’t have to ask to know that Aurora had changed. He’d heard that she was taken prisoner by the drow, probably tortured for - who knew why. Micah didn’t keep up with the politics, he’d been distracted. The last time they’d spoke he’d hurdled every horrible thing he could think of at her feet, blamed her for everything and a part of him still did. Always would. Grief had left him tired though, too tired to fight, too tired to scream. They spoke of it like it went in stages, a smooth cycle that the faiman might move through neatly, one after the other until he finally accepted it. It wasn’t so clean or tidy. It was messy and it was confusing, rage filled his heart in one hour while objective denial tormented him the next. Hollow cries carved their way through his ribs as his sister’s absence defined every waking breath, and there was nothing. There was the press of Emory’s lips, the laughter that Flora drew from him even though it was too soon too laugh. 

That was what happened when someone died though, life went on. All these graves. Names foreign and familiar, people Micah had never known and one that he’d never forget. We can spell them, one had said, spell the flowers he brought to keep them from dying, but there was something comforting in the act of brushing away the vines, in clearing the leaves, in making sure her name read clear for everyone to see as he decorated her with lilies of red, white, and purple. 

Emma used to dream of the fairy court, now there was a piece of her that would lay here forever. A stone slab embedded in a rowan tree read: 

Emma Wright

Here lies the abyss, the well of all souls. From these emerald waters doth life begin anew. Come to me, child, and I shall embrace you. In my arms lies Eternity.

“I’m still waiting to believe that she’s gone.” Micah admitted as he turned towards the chancellor, mended by the healer’s touch but the gifted clairvoyant could see the bruise that held its stain. The warrior. The prisoner. The curse-maker and curse-breaker all rolled into one. Micah knew then that he didn’t have it in him to hate her anymore, she’d suffered more than she should have. All of them had. He was tired of vengeance and hatred. He was tired of weeping too, though in his heart of hearts the faiman knew it was not done with him. 

[skswriting]

the lottery offering

Rating: M Pairing: Jeongguk/You Words: 22,334 Summary:  “I volunteer,” you say softly, gasps rising up from the crowd behind you.  You can hear some of your tribe members burst into tears, some mutterings of thank the gods.  Out of the corner of your eye, you can see Elder Choi smiling smugly.  “Are you sure, child?” Alpha Kim asks gravely, “Are you ready to leave all this behind?  You will not be able to come home.”  You internally scoff.  Home.  This place hasn’t been home in years.“I am sure, Alpha Kim.  I volunteer to be the offering this year,” you confirm, voice unwavering. AN: i’ve been working on this for too long and it ITSELF is too long i literally just wanted to write about big dick jeongguk why am i like this Warnings: jeongguk is an alpha, there’s like a hint of beastiality? you don’t actually get fucked by a wolf though you just want to be lol, lots of gratuitous sex and overall cheesiness because jk is still a goofball, pussy eating, finger, edging, overstim? maybe? or at least a poor attempt at it, blowjobs, vaginal sex and knotting, i’m not sure if i have to warn about anything else, also major warning i read through this SO quick i was tired of looking at it i’m sorry

When one of the Elders asks for you to meet in their cabin after dinner, your heart sinks to your feet.  The Elders, and most of your tribe for that matter, don’t go out of their way to speak to you, so for one of them to call upon you can’t be good news.

You don’t eat much, stomach twisting violently as you sit in a secluded corner, immune to the chattering around you.  Maybe today is the day they kick you out.  It’s no secret your tribe doesn’t like you, your orphanism a major hurdle they’re unable to overcome, considering the scarce resources your tribe are reluctant to share with someone who’s unable to provide.

“Elder Choi,” you knock politely, bowing your head as you pop your head in, “You wished to see me?”

“Ah, yes, Y/N, come in child,” his voice is soft, giving no hint as to what’s to come, “Please, sit.”

You kneel on a pillow at his tea table, accepting the cup from him.  It’s silent as you both drink, your mind whirling as you try to think what’s about to happen.

“It will be your first Lottery tomorrow, yes?” he asks.

“Yes, Elder Choi,” you answer.

He nods and falls silent again.  He stares out the window and you watch him carefully, the flames of his fire casting shadows over his face.  He gives you a small smile when he faces you again, setting his cup down with a decisive clank.

“We have not had to host a Lottery for a few years.  The Lottery, though of mutual benefit to us, is a sad affair.  To lose a member of our tribe, a son or a daughter, to have them ripped away from their family and friends.  The tears and the good byes.  Heart wrenching, isn’t it?”

It’s a rhetorical question, but you answer anyway, “Yes Elder, very heart wrenching.”

“It is a blessing, however, when someone is selfless enough to volunteer, someone prepared to give themselves over instead of letting someone be ripped from us.”

It hits you, what he’s asking.  There’s no love lost between you and your tribe, but to have an Elder hint that you should just give yourself over cuts in a way you weren’t expecting.

“Little Mina will be in the Lottery this year, won’t she?” Elder Choi asks, and it’s a low blow.  She’s been sick for a few years and it’s been hard to obtain medicine for her, but she’s been so optimistic about everything and is the joy of the tribe, “It would kill her mother if she was chosen.”

“It would…” you whisper.

“I’m sorry, I did not mean to bring the mood down.  I merely wanted to make sure you were ready for tomorrow.  Do you have your dress ready?” it’s a ruse and you know it.  He’s laid the seed and now he’s waiting for it to take root.

“Yes Elder, I’ve been working on it for weeks,” you tell him and he nods.

“Good.  Please, finish your tea, I don’t wish to keep you too late and have you tired for tomorrow.”

“Thank you, Elder.”

He says nothing more as you sip slowly at your tea, mulling it over.

You don’t like his manipulation; it’s abhorrent, really, to use your outcast status and the personal attack of Mina against you.  But really, what is there to keep you here?  There’s no happy ending for you, just a life of solitude, always on the outskirts.  What could the other side hold that would be worse than what you’re already facing?

You’ve made up your mind as you push your empty cup away.

“Good night, Y/N, I’m glad we had this talk,” he tells you earnestly, leaning forward as he stares into your eyes.

“Good night Elder, I will see you at the Lottery tomorrow,” you bow to him, before you take your leave.

-

It’s a somber atmosphere, you and the other participants standing in front of the stage, Elder Lee standing beside Alpha Kim behind the bowl with all the offerings’ names.  All of the participants are dressed in white, as symbolism of consenting to being an offering, blank and ready to leave everything behind.

You’re standing at the front, Seyoung on one side and Bongsoo on the other.  They both have their hands clasped in front of them, the tension evident in the rigidity of their muscles, but you’re standing loose.  You’ve already made your peace, you just have to wait for the right moment.

“Everyone,” Alpha Kim booms, “Thank you for gathering here today.  It has come time for need of another offering.  We have plenty of goods to provide for trade, to be delivered next week before the cold sets in.”

There’s no call back, as the crowd waits for the end.

“Let us not stall any longer.  Jeongguk, please, step forward and draw the name.”

The recipient this year is tall and toned, muscles shifting under his tunic as he steps up beside the alpha.  Judging by his aura, he too is an alpha, dark eyes sweeping across the crowd.  It must be your imagination, but you feel as if his gaze lingers on you for a moment longer.  There’s no mistaking the red bleeding into his eyes, overtaking the gold specks of his status.  He’s the closest you’ve ever seen turning feral and you’re surprised they’ve let him get this far.

Your heart kickstarts when you see him raise his arm and prepare to reach into the depths of the bowl and seal someone’s fate.  Before his fingers get the chance to grasp onto a slip of paper, you step forward.

“I volunteer,” you say softly, gasps rising up from the crowd behind you.

You can hear some of your tribe members burst into tears, some mutterings of thank the gods.  Out of the corner of your eye, you can see Elder Choi smiling smugly.

“Are you sure, child?” Alpha Kim asks gravely, “Are you ready to leave all this behind?  You will not be able to come home.”

You internally scoff.  Home.  This place hasn’t been home in years.

“I am sure, Alpha Kim.  I volunteer to be the offering this year,” you confirm, voice unwavering.

He examines you for a moment, before turning to Jeongguk.  Jeongguk takes a moment to take in your figure, head tilting as his eyes roam over you.  You stand tall and proud, looking him head on.  His mouth quirks when your eyes meet and he nods.

“What is your name?”

“Y/N, Alpha Kim.  My name is Y/N.”

“Y/N, we have accepted your volunteer as this Lottery’s offering.  Gather your things, we leave within the hour.”

You bow to them, surprised to receive a bow back, before you turn to the side and bow to the Elders.  You don’t say anything to anyone as you head back to your small hut to gather your meager things.

-

The Lottery started when a shifter pack approached tribes like yours, desperate beyond belief.  Their numbers were small and members of their pack were on the verge of turning feral, unable to sustain mates to keep them from turning.  They proposed a trading system: tribes would provide bodies for mates and in turn they would provide resources.  This would keep either of you from dying, letting the pack slowly grow their numbers and letting your tribe stockpile food.  The Lottery was considered the easiest and fairest way to pick who would be traded. The Lottery has been around for as long as you can remember.

The redness of Jeongguk’s eyes means the process has started; his canines are elongated even in human form and his nails are too long.  His hair is shaggier than others and his communication skills are lacking.

The other problem is that he apparently tends to stay in his shifted form, a big, black wolf that’s almost as tall as you and definitely bigger.  The first day of your return trip, Jeongguk walks ahead of you, tail swishing as he leads with Alpha Kim.  Alpha Kim had explained quietly that you might have a harder time mating with Jeongguk with how far along he already is, the feral part of him fighting to reject the bond in order to move forward with the transformation.

It’s not a comforting thought, because if you mate with Jeongguk and the bond is rejected, you’ll both die.

“Please be patient with him,” Alpha Kim asked of you, which seemed uncharacteristic for his alpha status, “I watched Jeongguk grow up, I can’t let him go feral.”

“Yes, Alpha Kim, I’ll do my best,” you had told him.

Now, you’re on your way to your new pack, your new home.  You’re still wearing your Lottery dress and you’re starting to sweat, unused to walking for so long, but you don’t say anything.  It’ll take a few days to reach their pack and you don’t want to already be a burden to them.

There’s only a few of you.  You, Jeongguk, Alpha Kim, and one guard introduced as Yoongi.  You can keep up for the most part, because Jeongguk and Yoongi are the only two that are shifted, so they keep it slow for Alpha Kim.

Eventually though, the fatigue catches up to you.  Your calf muscles are screaming, urging you to take a break and rest, and you think you can feel a blister on the back of your foot.  You don’t mean to lag behind, but it’s getting harder to breathe, your chest tight, as you focus on each next step and not just dropping to your knees.

A rumble breaks you out of your headspace and you glance to see Jeongguk standing in front of you.  His eyes scare you, blank as they stare at you, and you’re almost unable to see the gold amidst the red.  There’s a brief stare down between you, before he turns his back to you and hunches down slightly.

You’re surprised that he’s offering to carry you, but your screaming feet don’t let you look a gift horse in the mouth, so you tiredly straddle his back, anchoring your hands in his midnight black fur.  He doesn’t even seem to register your added weight, trotting to catch back up to the others.  Alpha Kim doesn’t say anything as you rejoin them, but he does give you a slight smile.

“Thank you,” you whisper quietly to Jeongguk, for his ears only.  They twitch in recognition, but that’s all you get.

Bedding down for the night is slightly awkward, the shifters trying to give you privacy as you roll out a sleeping pad and lay a thin blanket on it.  There’s a little of the fire left from dinner that they’re maintaining to keep you warm and you’re thankful, huddling down beside it.

The blister on the back of your foot needs tended to, the skin peeling and the blood dripping.  You hiss as you touch it, digging into your rucksack to see if you have any salve.  You keep your groan to yourself, frustratedly running your fingers through your hair before you go to stand.

“Where are you going?” a soft voice asks and when you turn, you’re surprised to see that it’s Jeongguk who asked you.

He had shifted back earlier, but this is the first time you think you’ve heard him speak, and the airiness of his voice doesn’t match the sharpness of his face.  It’s pleasant though, a soothing, melodic timber.

“I’m going to see if there’s some salve materials nearby, burdock root or chamomile or something,” you shrug, limping a little as you turn away, “I’m not running away, I’ll be right back.”

“I’m not worried about you running away, I’m worried about how dark it is and the wild animals around here,” his voice takes on a gruff quality as he snaps the words out, gaze heated, “I’m coming with you.”

Your bite your lower lip, feeling properly chastised.  You didn’t mean to cause offense and you duck your head as he nears.  Neither of the other shifters say anything, watching you two leave.

It’s quiet as the two of you walk, you using the waning light to search.  You want to apologize, but you don’t want to add insult to injury, and he doesn’t seem keen on saying anything either.

“Burdock?” he gestures to a flowering purple bush.

“Oh, yes!” you grin, hobbling over to it.  You hum as you gently dig into the ground, unearthing a few roots of the plant and tearing them apart gently.

“Chamomile doesn’t grow this far north, but there should be some symphytum around we can add,” Jeongguk tells you, standing behind you, seemingly on watch as he surveys the surrounding area.

You’ve never heard of that plant, but he seems to know what he’s talking about so you nod as you stand.  He reaches a hand out to steady you, your skin tingling under his fingers.

“Your dress,” he says suddenly and you just look at him, “You should have let me dig up the root, you got it dirty.”

You look down at yourself, seeing the dirt patches on your bare knees and the smudges on your dress.

“Eh, it’s just a dress, I can wash it.  I’ll let you pick the symp… symphytum when we find it though,” you grin at him and you’re rewarded with a half chuckle, “We should get back to it before we lose the light.”

Jeongguk raises an eyebrow as he taps underneath his eye, “I can see in the dark, remember?”

You bark out a sarcastic laugh, “Sorry, my puny human eyes are only so useful.”

“It’s okay, we’ll get through this together,” he grins as you and you give him a real laugh, before you nudge him along.

Jeongguk points out some other plants you never heard of before as you search for the symphytum and you take in all he has to offer.  You dabbled in medicine and gardening in your tribe and so you listen to everything Jeongguk tells you, especially considering the area you’re heading to is so much different than the area you grew up in.

“Ah, here we go, symphytum,” Jeongguk points it out and you nod, taking in the features of the plant, “we need the flowers and leaves.”

“Wow, how do you know so much about all this?” you ask, admiration clearly present, and you swear you see him blush a little.

“My grandma was our pack’s medic,” he tells you, gathering what you need to add to your burdock root.

“Was…?” you ask softly.

“She died last year,” he says, quite gruffly.  He doesn’t elaborate more than that and you don’t expect him to.

Your parents passed when you were young, and you don’t remember specific details of them, but you know the feeling of loss well, an emptiness inside that you can’t seem to alleviate.  There are memories you have that you know you’ll never get to recreate or commiserate, and you can empathize with Jeongguk on that, who must have been close to his grandmother if his knowledge is anything to judge it off of.

You don’t say anything, but you lay a hand gently on his arm, hoping you can convey your emotions to him.  Jeongguk looks at your hand on his arm before he looks up at you, eyes still guarded, but you don’t look away.  He studies you, able to see you much better in the dark than you’re able to see him despite your eyes adjusting, before he touches his hand to yours in return.

You smile softly at him as he shifts from touching your hand to holding it.  Neither of you say anything as you stay there for a moment, just existing together, before he softly clears his throat to break the moment.

“We need water to turn this into a paste, let’s head back to camp,” he says and you agree.

You let Jeongguk carry you back to get to camp quicker and you see Alpha Kim and Yoongi curled up in their shifted form, the fire still lit but small.  Alpha Kim raises his head as you two approach, giving you both a quick once over to check that neither of you are hurt.  Once satisfied, he turns his head the other way, and the two of you are left to your own devices.

“Here, mash them like this,” Jeongguk tells you softly, sitting beside you on your sleeping pad as he crushes the materials together between two rocks, “We’ll add just a bit of water at a time until we get something thick and not too watery.  It’ll stick best to your blister that way.”

You nod, watching him carefully as he makes the paste.

“Give me your foot,” he instructs and you scoot back to place it in his lap, “this shouldn’t hurt, but let me know if I press too hard.”

He’s careful as he spreads the paste lightly over your blister, face entirely concentrated as he takes care of you.

“It doesn’t look like we have to wrap it, but we’ll put some more on in the morning.  You should lay down now, though, it’s getting late, and we have to get up early in the morning.”

Before he moves, you grab his wrist to make him look at you, “Wait.  I… I wanted to apologize.”

He tilts his head in question, waiting for you to continue, and you frown as you let go of his wrist.

“I didn’t mean anything when I made that comment about not running away earlier,” you tell him, “That wasn’t a dig at you, or your pack.”

Jeongguk sighs as he removes your hand only to hold it, staring down at the way his hand engulfs yours, “It’s okay.  I can’t imagine how hard it must be for your tribe to give up someone every Lottery.  I know it’ll be difficult for us, having such a small time frame to prepare to be mated for the rest of our lives, but please know that I’m thankful for you.  I don’t know your reasons for volunteering, but I like to think that your willingness gives us more of a chance, with no prejudice and no fear.”

Jeongguk softly places your foot back on the ground, before he pushes himself up and away before you can say anything.  You can tell by the movement of his body that he’s about to shift.  It looks like such a weird and painful process, the bones shifting into place as he hunches over, fur sprouting from his skin as his face elongates and ears pop up.

You notice that Jeongguk always shakes his legs out when he shifts, and just him; neither Alpha Kim or Yoongi do it.  It must just be some quirk of Jeongguk’s and it makes you giggle around a throat still tight with emotion as he does it, making him turn towards you.

He growls lowly in his chest, something that sounds almost playful, before trotting over to you as you settle on your sleeping pad.  He nudges his face against you, still growling a little, and you giggle as you realize he’s trying to push you down to lay on your sleeping pad, snuffling over you as you settle down, pulling the thin blanket over you.

He sniffs at the ground near you, turning in a few circles before he decides to curl up behind you, close enough that you can feel the heat of his body but not enough that it’s suffocating.  Combined with the heat of the fire, your body relaxes onto your pad despite the hardness of the ground and you fall asleep easily.

-

You wake up pleasantly warm, head pillowed on something soft.  You hum as you snuggle deeper into it, body rising and falling rhythmically, a soft rumbling in your ear thrumming through you pleasantly.  It’s almost enough to lull you back to sleep, before you realize you didn’t fall asleep with a pillow and what you’re laying on feels eerily alive.

When you crack your eyes open you see Jeongguk in his shifted form curled around you, your body wrapped up in his with your head resting on the side of his torso.  He’s awake, lazily watching you, and you notice that some of the red in his eyes is diminished.  They’re brown and gold this morning, shining brilliantly in the early morning light.  You realize he’d purposely been rumbling for you as it slows down, the sound dying out beneath your ear.  You can feel his tail twitching by your legs, as you’re completely swaddled in him, and you realize this is one of most comfortable moments of your life.

“Good morning,” you whisper to him, and he sighs as a response, curling around you tighter, “We should eat before we set out.”

You pick your head up to see Yoongi gone, probably to hunt for breakfast, and Alpha Kim in his human form rummaging around through their belongings to prepare for whatever he brings back.

You slowly extract yourself from Jeongguk, stretching sore muscles from walking, but you’re surprised to find that your back isn’t sore from sleeping on the ground.  You wonder how long you’d been laying on Jeongguk, knowing he’d chosen to curl up behind you when you went to sleep.  Judging by the way Jeongguk whines and huffs as you untangle yourself from him, you can tell he was as comfortable as you had been, trying to use his body weight to keep you pinned down.

After a light breakfast, the four of you set out.  Jeongguk makes you ride on his back for the rest of the day, despite your protest that your feet and blisters were fine.  He had growled at you, circling your form and rubbing up against you until Alpha Kim had approached you.

“We won’t reach the pack until tomorrow afternoon, it’ll be easier if the three of us can shift and Jeongguk carries you,” Alpha Kim had told you and you had acquiesced, mounting Jeongguk.

The second day passed much the same as the first had, and ends with the four of you bedding down for the night around a small camp.  Jeongguk is less shy about curling around you in his shifted form this time around, nudging your shoulder with his snout before unceremoniously plopping his head down in your lap.  You want to protest his closeness because you feel gross, still wearing your dirty Lottery dress, but you had been unwilling to hold them up for even a moment just for you to change, so you let him lay on you.

It had been worrying to you that Jeongguk had stayed shifted all day, but you can’t deny how comfortable he is when you’re trying to go to sleep, forgoing your blanket as you bury yourself in him.  You brush your hands through his fur, marveling at how soft it is and he starts to rumble under you.  You realize that he doesn’t do it for you but that its his way of letting you know that he’s comfortable.  His nose digs under your hand until it’s resting under your palm, urging you to move it.  You fall asleep petting him, thinking that volunteering no longer feels like a death sentence but more like… a new beginning.

You wake up to sunlight and rough jostling, with a gruff snuffling in your ear.  You’re disoriented for a few moments, head rolling against the ground as you try to gain your bearings.  You’re laying on your side facing away from the camp and there’s sweat dripping down your back because Jeongguk in his shifted form has you pressed right up against his underside, nose tight against the back of your ear as he growls deep in his chest.

It takes you a moment, but when you register the wetness and the growling, you realize what’s happening.  His lower half is thrusting up against you and his cock is between your legs, rubbing against your skin.  Your pulse quickens as you realize that Jeongguk must be having a wet dream or something similar as he growls in his sleep and licks at your skin, sending a jolt through your entire body.

You’re almost mortified to realize that the wetness you first thought was coming from him is actually from you, that you like what’s happening.  Even though he’s in his shifted form it’s still Jeongguk and there’s no denying that you find him attractive.  The fact that he’s rutting against you is doing things to you, his cock hot and heavy against you making your head spin.

You’re afraid to look down, to sear the image into your mind.  You know it’s not going to look like his human cock, but when you glance down, you can’t help the way you keen in the back of your throat.  He’s big, precum smearing against your stomach as he works his cock under your dress, pressing against your clit from the way he’s got you pinned.  With one of his legs over both of yours, and one of his front legs extended over your torso to press into the ground to give himself leverage, you would have to fight to get out of his hold.

But you don’t want to.  You can feel the heat between your legs, the arousal swirling in your stomach as his growling gets deeper and his tongue gets more insistent.  You can feel the press of his teeth against the sensitive skin of your neck and when his thrusts speed up, hitting your clit just a bit faster, you can’t help but moan lowly.  You hope Alpha Kim and Yoongi are out hunting so you don’t have to deal with the embarrassment of knowing they know.

You give a tentative thrust down and moan a little higher when Jeongguk’s cock rubs against your clit harder.  You clench around nothing, whimpering as you thrust down again, and again, until you’re working in tandem with him.  You can feel Jeongguk’s body shaking behind you, his low growling shifting to a higher pitched whine, nosing roughly at your ear before his nips turn purposeful.

You startle when it dawns on you that he’s finally woken up, the nip more than a dream instinct, but his thrusting doesn’t stop.  You gasp when he starts shifting behind you, helping you onto your knees and elbows as he stays crouched over you, body dwarfing yours as you rest your forehead against your sleeping pad.

You can’t believe this is happening but Jeongguk doesn’t give you time to think, his shifted cock giving your clit delicious friction as he stays mounted this way, thrusting with conscious purpose now.  He noses along the entire back of your neck, licking the shell of your ear and nipping at your shoulders.  Your back is so slick with sweat you can feel every press of Jeongguk’s belly against you, clenching with each thrust, wishing he’d stuff you with his cock.  It’d tear you in half but it’d be worth it to be so full, to be forced to take it, to test the limit.

You moan as you think about it, letting Jeongguk phantom fuck you and reaching a hand under your dress to touch the tip of his cock as he thrusts against your stomach.  Jeongguk lets out a half howl, thrusting up against the palm of your hand as the press against your clit becomes constant.

“Jeong-Jeongguk,” you hiccup, “S’too much, please, gonna cum.”

Jeongguk is shaking above you and you sob as the pleasure peaks, Jeongguk continuing to fuck up against you as you cum, clenching hard around nothing and whining in displeasure over it.  He noses eagerly at your neck, licking furiously at your skin as his thrusts grow erratic, close to his own orgasm.

You reach further down so you can brush feather light fingertips over the body of his cock.  His shifted cock is much different than a human cock, no mushroom head but thick at the base where his knot would be.  You groan as you think about it, the dirty mechanics of being knotted like this, out in the open in camp with your knees pressed to the ground and your dress pushed up to your breasts.  Your panties are useless at this point, sopping wet and glued to the ridges of your cunt.

You feel Jeongguk throw his head back and howl loudly as the first spurts of his cum shoot up to your tits, smearing against the skin of your stomach before it drips down onto the inside of your dress.  It’s disgusting, and filthy, and you’re horrified to learn that you love it, the feeling of being utterly dominated like this.

Jeongguk pants against your skin as he expends all that he has, his body sagging against yours but not forcing you down to the ground.  Your body is shaking as he steps back from you, his snout trailing down your back and to your crack, nosing at the thin fabric of your panties.  You can feel the puffs of his breath against your soaked skin and you slowly push yourself up, arms and legs shaking.

You’re breathing hard as Jeongguk walks around you, eyes brilliant as he stares at you.  His tongue flicks out to lick at your cheek and you breathlessly giggle, Jeongguk pressing his face against your chest to slowly guide you back, laying you against your sleeping pad.

You’re tired, the exhaustion settling in your bones as you glance up at the slightly blue tinted sky.  It has to still be early, but when you glance over, Alpha Kim and Yoongi are gone, which you are immensely thankful for.

However, Jeongguk doesn’t give you time to rest.  He sniffs earnestly at your neck, rubbing his face and tongue against you as he works his way down.  Your dress feels disgusting from where the cum covered front is pressed to your skin, but Jeongguk just brushes it up over your breasts, licking at one nipple and then the next before he continues down.  He cleans your stomach of himself, nose warm and tongue warmer, and you’re not ashamed at the way arousal has started to pool in your stomach again.

Jeongguk must be able to smell it, tongue pressing more eagerly the closer he gets to your cunt.  He nudges your thighs apart with his snout, growling appreciatively when they spread and your smell hits him full force.  He bites at your panties, pulling the thin fabric away and down your legs, tossing them in a random direction over his shoulder before the point of his tongue flicks against your clit.

You don’t bother to stifle your moan, the feeling of his tongue rough in texture as it presses harder with every lick, cleaning you of your dripping arousal with valiant effort.  You cry out when his tongue presses inside you, licking at your walls deeper than most cocks have ever reached. You can’t stop the little sounds you make, the humping of your hips against Jeongguk’s face as the pleasure builds.

If he tongues this good you can’t imagine the damage he can do with his cock, spearing you open effortlessly and making you cum multiple times.  You clamp down around his tongue as you think about it, wishing he would just fuck you, shifted or not, cumming to the thought of it.

Jeongguk snuffles happily against you, licking your cunt clean of your cum and your thighs free of sweat.  When you gain the energy to lift your head, Jeongguk is hunched over you, licking his jowls with his tail wagging.  His tail wagging.  It’s so ridiculous you can’t help but laugh, letting your head thunk back against the ground as you hear the telltale sound of his bones shifting.

After a few moments of silence, gentle hands lead your legs closed, running up your sides to grab your dress and pull it up and off, hitting the ground with a wet smack.

“C’mon, there’s a little stream near here, let’s get you cleaned up,” his voice is laced with sex and you shiver, letting him pull you up and onto shaky legs, opting to just carry you when you end up swaying.

It’s not awkward to be naked in front of him, rubbing cold, clean water against your skin.  Jeongguk watches you for a few minutes, appreciating the dip of your fingers between your thighs as you clean yourself of spit and arousal and your cum.  He finally strips himself and you can’t help but stare.  Even in human form he’s big, cock hanging half hard and heavy between his legs, thigh and abdominal muscles toned and flexing as he perches himself on a jutting rock to wash himself.

Your mouth is watering and you don’t even care; you can feel the weight of cock on your tongue and you specifically want his in your mouth right now, dragging your tongue down the protruding vein and around the bulbous head.

“We’ll never get back to the camp if you keep staring,” Jeongguk smirks over at you, brushing his hands down his thighs in an obviously teasing manner.

“I want to suck you off,” you confess easily, squeezing your thighs together when you see Jeongguk’s gaze darken and his cock jump.

“Later,” he promises, and you’re practically drooling when he fists his cock, hand tightening on an upward stroke, “we really do need to be going.”

“Then quick jerking off,” you whine petulantly, and Jeongguk has the audacity to laugh at you.

Jeongguk gives you his tunic to wear back to camp as a makeshift dress, keeping a small bit of distance from you, which is much too far considering he had almost fucked you into the ground earlier.  This must be his way of attempting to be respectful, or at least you hope so; just the thought of Jeongguk regretting any of it or being ashamed makes your stomach clench painfully.

Alpha Kim and Yoongi are packing up camp when you arrive.  They give the both of you a knowing look and you blush as you duck your head, realizing they must be able to smell what you two had done.

“Come,” Yoongi smirks, the word intentional, “if we leave now we’ll get home before lunch.”

Home.  It sounds pleasant and right coming from Yoongi.  You’re going home, not just to their pack, but your pack now.

-

There’s a small welcoming ceremony when the four of you finally arrive and you’re overwhelmed by the positivity of the pack.  Their numbers have grown, but it’s not the size of some other shifter packs you’ve seen.

Jeongguk keeps close to you as elder pack members pull you into a hug, welcoming you to your new home and encouraging you to ask for help when you need it.  Shifted pups sniff at you, particularly your stomach which makes you blanch, before yipping and wagging their tails happily at you.

“This is Y/N,” Alpha Kim booms to the crowd, “Y/N selflessly volunteered herself to be Jeongguk’s mate to prevent us from losing him to his feral side.”

The little pack cheers and you blush at their enthusiasm.

“Let us let these future mates have time for themselves,” Alpha Kim turns to you and smiles, “Please, rest.  The journey was long and I’m sure you’re… tired.”

You try not to react, knowing that he’s not talking about the walking.

“I’ll show you to our cabin,” Jeongguk tells you softly, placing a hand on your lower back to lead you away, “Thank you everyone.  We’re happy to be home.”

You smile and wave at everyone as you walk away, Jeongguk leading you towards the center of their pack territory.  It’s a foreign feeling to you, so used to staying out of your tribe that you don’t know what to do knowing you’re going to be living in the thick of it.

“These cabins look so nice,” you comment, looking at the smattering of cabins around you.

“Alphas build cabins before they take a mate,” Jeongguk explains, “Outside of me, none of our alphas are of age yet, so no one is preparing to build.”

“Woah, you built this?  That’s impressive,” you exclaim, as he reaches for the door.

He stops with his hand on the handle, seemingly frozen, before he turns hurriedly to you, “Um… actually, could you stay out here for a moment?”

You furrow your eyebrows, confused, but nod.  Jeongguk gives you a quick, thankful smile, slipping in through the slightest crack so you can’t see inside.

You feel a little foolish standing outside Jeongguk’s cabin - well, your cabin now, as well.  You can hear frantic clattering inside and Jeongguk’s light footsteps as he runs around.  You hear the terrible screech of a window opening, and when you bend around the corner of the cabin you can see what looks like trash being thrown out of it.  It startles a laugh out of you, realizing Jeongguk is cleaning for you, and it’s so endearing.

You wait patiently, knowing Jeongguk wants to make a good impression on you.  Finally, the door creaks open, before Jeongguk pushes it open wide and steps aside.

“Please, come in,” he says, slightly out of breath, and you giggle at him.

“I could have helped you clean,” you tell him, stepping past him and he ducks his head after being caught.

It’s modest, and homey.  There’s a little kitchenette to use when you don’t want to go to the main dining hall, a small sitting area, and a hallway that leads to a small bathroom and bedroom.  There’s a pack bathhouse that they utilize, so the bathroom has a toilet and small wash tub for a quick rub down, and the bedroom is just a pile of furs.

“I know it’s not much but-” Jeongguk seems embarrassed, scratching behind his ear as he avoids your gaze.

“I love it,” you tell him honestly, “it’s very comfortable, very… you.  And I like you.”

The blush that spreads across Jeongguk’s face is satisfying and you grin at him.  You were worried you and Jeongguk were going to have an awkward period of forcing yourselves to get to know each other, but it’s been pretty natural.  There might have been some truth to Jeongguk’s words that you volunteering made it easier for you two to connect, as there’s no expectations for either of you.

“I know Alpha Kim said we have time for ourselves, but there are pack duties I need to get caught up on,” Jeongguk tells you, almost sounding regretful that he has to leave.

“That’s okay, I understand,” you tell him, and you truthfully do, but there’s a small pit of nervousness at the thought of being by yourself as you’re still unsure of the inner workings of the pack, “but um, am I… allowed to be out by myself?”

Jeongguk gives you a strange look, placing his hands on your shoulders and smoothing them down your arms, “You’re part of the pack now and my future mate.  You don’t have to walk on eggshells around us, gods know no one out there will.  Please familiarize yourself with the pack, it’s home now.”

You nod, feeling ashamed about your question, but unable to articulate to Jeongguk how out of place you felt when you were in the midst of your tribe.  Jeongguk hesitates for a moment, swaying back and forth, before apparently coming to his decision and leaning down to press his lips to your forehead.

With a horrifying sense of clarity, you realize you let Jeongguk go down on you before you’ve even properly kissed.  But then again, you two don’t have an exactly conventional relationship.

“I shouldn’t take too long,” he whispers against your skin, seemingly unwilling to go.

“Okay,” you whisper back, smiling when he kisses your forehead again.

As they say, parting is such sweet sorrow.

-

You take the time to introduce yourself to the surrounding cabins, receiving delighted responses.  You feel bad, because there are so many names thrown at you in a short time frame that you don’t remember most of them.  You met Alpha Kim’s son, Namjoon, and two people claiming to be Jeongguk’s best friends, Jimin and Taehyung.  There’s the old lady just a cabin down from yours, who winks rather lasciviously at you when she tells you that the wood the cabins are made with are thick and block sound.  There’s a human girl around your age named Jihyo on the other side of your cabin who is super sweet and invites you in for tea, which you postpone to another afternoon.

You meet another girl on the way back to your cabin, because you are actually really tired, who introduces herself icily as Ina.  Despite her attitude, you bow politely at her.

“So, you’re Jeongguk’s mate,” she says kind of tersely, after having sniffed at the air around you with a look of disdain.

You’re familiar with this kind of attitude, which is very reminiscent of your tribe, so you continue to be polite to her.

“I am!  I’m Y/N,” you introduce yourself, “It’s nice to meet you Ina.”

“I heard Alpha Kim say you volunteered.  I’ve never heard of someone volunteering,” she continues.

“I remember it happening once when I was a kid, but back then-”

“Did you only volunteer because you think he’s hot?” she interjects over you.

Your mouth clicks shut, unsure of how to answer her.  You’re afraid if you say no, she’ll wheedle her way into the depths of your soul and pull your tragic reasoning out.  But you can’t say yes, because not only is it not true, but you’re afraid that she’ll spread an ugly rumor around that you’re shallow.

It’s a conundrum you’re not sure how to approach, but thankfully your saving grace is a smiling older woman placing her hand on your shoulder and deflecting Ina’s question.

“Ina, what’s with the inquisition?  Y/N dear has had a long journey, we have plenty of time to get to know her as a person, and as a mate for Jeongguk.”

Ina looks embarrassed at her interruption and bows to the older woman, with a small sorry before she scurries off.

“I’m sorry, you didn’t have to get involved-” you start but she waves your apology off.

“Don’t worry about it.  And don’t worry about Ina, she’s just feeling slighted right now.  Is it okay if I take up some of your time?  I’d love to have a cup of tea and get to know you,” she smiles so prettily at you, eerily familiar, and you find yourself nodding before you remember you were going to take a nap.  Too late now.

“Would you like to come back to Jeongguk’s cabin?  Well, mine too I guess.  Um, our cabin-” you stumble over yourself, out of your depth as she laughs.  Not at you, but at the obvious confusion you’re having trying to fit yourself into the pack.

“Sure deary, let’s go,” she links her arm with yours, turning you to your cabin.

You spend a pleasant hour with her, apologizing at first for not knowing where Jeongguk keeps his stuff but easily locating a kettle and some tea.  She introduces herself as Minseo and gives you a brief history of the pack, and some of the members, before she conspiratorially asks if you want to hear stories of Jeongguk from when he was a child and you quickly agree.

That’s how Jeongguk finds you, kneeling at the little table with Minseo, tears in your eyes as she recounts a story of a buck naked teenage Jeongguk jumping into a lake on a dare and not evening completing it.  He looks shocked to see you and Minseo giggling against each other, tea refilled and steaming, before it transforms into a serene look.

“Hi mom,” he greets Minseo and you abruptly stop giggling, turning to the woman beside you with wide eyes and a hanging mouth.

She grins sneakily around the rim of her mug, “Ah, baby, you ruined my fun, I hadn’t told her I was your mother yet.”

He rolls his eyes but is still smiling as he leans down to kiss the top of her head, snickering to himself when he sees how shocked you still are as he kisses your cheek.

“Are you staying for dinner?  We’ll be eating here tonight, Omega Kim is bringing us bear as a treat.”

“Omega Kim has always been so sweet on you, you’d think she was your mother and not me,” Minseo pouts and Jeongguk coos.

“Maybe if you were nicer to me,” he singsongs, not even trying to avoid the slap she aims at his shoulder.

“Yah, do you know how long I was in labor with you?” Minseo complains but she’s smiling, looking so incredibly happy as she gazes at him.

“I’m sure you’ll remind me.”

“A whole day, Guk, an entire day of pain and agony and spreading my legs so your grandmother could check just to tell me you were being stubborn and weren’t coming out despite being stretched by a watermelon.”

Jeongguk groans, “Do you have to be so graphic about it?”

“It’s not like it’s something you won’t go through,” she teases and the implication brings a blush to your cheeks.

You and Jeongguk?  Kids?  You’ve barely though past your mating ceremony, but you suspect it’s a normal thing for mother-in-laws to be worried about.

“Besides, with the way our little Y/N smells, it doesn’t seem like you’re all that shy about it,” she says knowingly and you choke on your tea.

“Mom!” Jeongguk groans, avoiding looking at you as he scratches behind his ear, “Please.”

Minseo grins to herself, downing the last of her tea as she stands on creaky knees.  Jeongguk helps her to her feet, you pushing yourself up to follow them to the door.

“I’ll let you two have your time.  Please dear, don’t be a stranger, I love visitors,” she tells you sincerely and despite your mortification that she can somehow smell what you and Jeongguk had been up to, you wholeheartedly agree, “And Jeongguk, eat some more, your cheeks are getting thin.”

“Yes mom,” he tells her dutifully, kissing her cheek before she hugs you goodbye.

You wave at her, watching her bustle down the path, before Jeongguk shuts the door.

“Can everyone smell your cum on me or something?” you ask and Jeongguk bursts out laughing, though you can see a bit of embarrassment lingering on his face.

“Well, kind of, but it’s mainly just me.  You probably can’t smell it because you don’t have the sense for it but each of us have our own, uh, scent.  So earlier when we… ahem,” Jeongguk clears his throat, seemingly unwilling to explicitly mention it and you grin at that, “a lot of my scent would have transferred over to you.  That’s what everyone is referring to.  They’re probably surprised because scenting is kind of an intimate thing and we’ve only just met.”

“Oh,” you hum, “so I smell like you.  That means everyone knows whose mate I am, that I belong to you.”

Jeongguk makes a strangled sound and clears his throat again, “Yes, that you- yes.”

The two of you stand by the door, just staring at each other, before Jeongguk moves away to head to the kitchen.   There aren’t many dishes to do, but Jeongguk does them anyway, and you think he’s doing them just to have something to do.  You decide to help him, sliding silently up beside him and taking a dripping dish from him quietly.

It’s quiet between you two as you work together, Jeongguk washing and you drying them before putting them away.  Finally you ask a question, addressing the difference between you.

“Does it bother you?  That I’m not shifter, so I have no way of scenting you back?” you ask softly.

Jeongguk takes a moment to answer, scrubbing at a spot in the sink that looks stained and unable to come out.

“No,” he finally says, “my mate doesn’t have to be similar to me in order to be a good match for me.  I don’t need someone who has good eyes or good sense of smell,” here’s teasing you here, judging by the tongue he sticks out at you, “or a certain status for me to want to spend my life with them.  I just want someone I’m comfortable with and who makes me happy.”

The answer settles something pleasant in your stomach and you smile shyly at him.

“But…” he hesitates for a moment, “I do want to apologize.”

“For what?” you ask, putting the towel you were drying with back on a rack.

“This morning,” he says softly, “I hope I didn’t… force myself on you or make you feel uncomfortable.  I mean, I enjoyed it, and judging by the sounds you were making you did too, but I never verbally checked with you and that was wrong of me.”

You bump your shoulder against his, before leaning against him, “Jeongguk, it’s okay.  You didn’t force me.  Caught me by surprise, sure, but… it was good.  You were good,” you’re blushing, hiding your face against his tunic sleeve, but you don’t care, “I liked it and I wasn’t exactly quiet about wanting to do more after, was I?  We have a week before our mating ceremony, so maybe we can just… explore until then?”

Alpha Kim had explained that it’s a big tradition within the pack, a little ceremony held in front of the pack, with food and dancing.  Then, you head off to the outskirts of the pack clearing where there’s a mating clearing, an area blessed by the Moon Goddess.  You and Jeongguk aren’t allowed to have penetrative sex until then, a tradition long held in their pack that the first “real” copulation has to be blessed by Her for a good life together.  At least Jeongguk’s already semi fucked you outside, so it won’t feel so foreign actually getting mounted in the open like that.  Besides, it’s not like you can’t do other things.

“You can’t say things like that with a straight face,” Jeongguk groans, “You have no idea how hard it was for me to tell you not to suck me off this morning.”

You laugh, Jeongguk turning you to gently pull you into his arms, “You have no idea how hard it was for me to not just drop to my knees and do it anyway.”

Jeongguk growls and you shiver, Jeongguk holding you close to his chest as he presses a loud kiss behind your ear.  He moves to pepper kisses down your neck, nipping at your pulse point while you scrabble to hold onto his back.

“Jeongguk,” you breathe, “kiss me, please.”

He wastes no time pulling back to press his mouth to yours, swallowing the whine you let out as he pushes you tightly against the counter.  You’re ignoring his semi for the moment, pressed deliciously right up against you, to enjoy the feeling of his mouth practically devouring you.  His tongue feels as good in your mouth as it did in your cunt, brushing against your own and against the back of your teeth hotly.

Jeongguk’s hands can’t decide if they want to grab at your ass, your waist, or your thighs, kneading whatever skin they come in contact with.  At some point they’re in your hair, tugging you away from his mouth with force so he can kiss down the front of your throat to your collarbones, biting and sucking bruises into your tender skin.  All you can do is take it as he forces his hips upward, groaning as he nestles his covered cock right between your pussy lips.  You’re still wearing his tunic as a dress, so you can feel him in his entirety and god is he big.

“You’re gonna drive me crazy,” he growls, your skin stinging from the bite he just left that he soothes with his tongue, “I can smell how wet you are already.  Just wanna go down on you until you cry, finger you until you’ve came so many times you lose count.”

“Jeongguk,” you sob, overwhelmed with how bad you want him, “touch me, please.”

“Come on,” he lets go of your hair to pull you up on his hips by your thighs, “so many things I want to do to you.  You stepped up to that stage with no fear and clear determination, looked me right in the eyes like I can’t bring you to your knees.  Wanted to bend you over and fuck you right then, show your whole tribe the sweet pussy they’d be missing. Fuck, Y/N.”

There are actual tears in your eyes as Jeongguk stomps his way to the bedroom, softly laying you in your pile of furs.  He towers over you on his knees, eyes roving over you as he takes in your flushed face and heaving chest, smirking at the way your thighs rub together.

“Pull your tunic up,” he instructs and your hands quickly fall to grip the hem, “slowly.”

You swallow thickly, taking a few deep breaths as Jeongguk places his hands just below your knees, eyes falling to watch the way your fingers shake.  You pull it up slowly, eyelashes fluttering as you savor the drag of the fabric against your sensitive skin.  Jeongguk hums, fingers creeping up your legs the farther you pull the tunic up, licking his lips when he sees your panties and the wet spot they’re sporting.

You pause when you reach your navel, letting your fingertips trail against your skin as the goosebumps erupt.

“So pretty, baby,” Jeongguk breathes, the furs shifting under his knees as he leans over you more, abs quivering from exertion, “What a show, keep going.”

You whimper a little, placing your hands flat against your stomach as you continue to push the tunic up, feeling yourself up.  Your hands slide up your sides causing you to shy away from the ticklish touch and your fingers brush just under your breasts.  You jolt at the feeling of Jeongguk’s tongue against your stomach, hands flying down to grip at his hair.

“Did I say you could stop?” he growls, biting softly at your skin, tongue hot and wet, “Show me those tits, baby.”

“Jeongguk,” you moan, arching your back as you push the tunic up higher, your exposed nipples immediately hardening in the cold air, “feels good.”

“Take it off,” he commands and you listen, struggling to pull the tunic over your head while laying down since he won’t move back to let you sit up.

“Touch them,” he orders and you pinch your nipples softly, moaning louder, “Mmm, harder.”

You listen to him, pinching harder as he travels up your torso, leaving little lovebites in his wake.

“‘M gonna fuck these pretty tits one day,” he tells you, licking the valley between your breasts, before he bites rather harshly at your right breast, his hand swamping your own on your left breast.

He massages the left as he wraps his mouth around the right, sucking harshly and biting at your sensitive skin.

“Guk,” you sob, one hand trapped under his and the other gripping onto his bicep, “your mouth, I- fuck!”

Jeongguk grins, nipple tight between his teeth as he tugs, letting it go with a wet smack, “Touch your pussy baby, just a little.  Show me how wet you are for me.”

You’re soaked.  Without even touching yourself you can feel the way your panties cling to your skin.  Is it always going to be like this with Jeongguk?  You sure fucking hope so.

Jeongguk lets go of your breast to plant his hand into the furs beside your head, giving himself leverage as he switches from kissing your chest to marking your neck.  You squirm as his body heat settles over you, so close to touching you but so far away.  His chest brushes against yours, your nipples rubbing against his sweaty skin as his hair brushes against your cheek.  You whine into his ear as you massage the junction of your thighs, canting your hips up to try and brush against the front of him.

“Just a little,” he reminds, voice raspy against the shell of your ear, biting gently on your earlobe, “Touch yourself through your panties first, tell me how wet you are.”

You breathlessly follow his instructions, letting your fingers wander from the apex of your thighs to the top of your mound.  Your heart is beating erratically as you massage it slowly, so close to your wetness but teasing yourself just a little more.  Jeongguk has the perfect vantage part from your neck to watch your hands work, chest rumbling with the first touch of your fingertips against your clit, acting like he feels it just as acutely as you do.

“Oh,” you breathe out, Jeongguk’s teeth sinking in behind your ear.

“Tell me,” he growls, “Tell me how you feel.”

“So wet,” you immediately concede, brushing your fingers down to rub against your entrance where your wettest, “I want you so bad Jeongguk, I’m aching for you.”

Your pussy makes an audible sound as you rub your fingers against the fabric of your panties.

“Pull them down, just a bit,” his voice is rough as he pants, eyes trained on your fingers as he loses sight of them exploring between your lips, “Wanna smell you.”

You shimmy them down slowly, body wiggling under Jeongguk’s as you get them down just far enough for you to work with.  Jeongguk’s groan is low as your smell hits him and he licks a stripe up your neck.

“Put a finger in.”

You don’t disobey him, breaching your walls with just one like you’ve been told.  You’re so wet you can barely feel it and you whine in dissatisfaction.

“One not enough for your greedy pussy?” he sneers, raising himself onto his haunches to get a better look at what you’ve put on display, “Two, then, but only two.”

You work a second one in and the stretch is nice, but nowhere near filling.  Jeongguk watches the push and pull of your fingers, crossing his arms over his chest as he casually observes you.  It’s so apathetic you cry out, willing him to do something, but he doesn’t.  He lets you finger yourself for a few minutes, watching your drip onto the pile of furs beneath you as he breathes steadily.  The only real way you can tell he’s affected is by the way his nostrils are flaring and how dilated his pupils are.

“Feel good?” he finally asks.

“You’d feel better,” is your instant answer and he seems pleased, giving you a smug smirk as he shrugs his top off, “Could touch me so much better, your fingers are-are thicker and longer and-”

Jeongguk leans down to press a kiss to the center of your sternum, hands raising to grip your hips tight.

“Fuck, baby, you smell fantastic,” he groans, tongue slithering out as he trails down, biting and sucking as he goes, “Tasted so good on my tongue, can’t wait to eat you out again.”

“Please,” you beg, you whimper, you plead, “please touch me, Guk.”

“Okay, baby, since you’ve asked so nicely,” his hands slide down your hips and around your thighs, settling his shoulders between your legs.  You keen at the stretch, cool air brushing against your wet pussy as Jeongguk takes a moment to watch your fingers at eye level.

“Show me how wet you are,” his voice has dropped, tone low and rough and you exhale hard through your nose as you do as he asks, scissoring your fingers as you pull them out so he can see how thoroughly coated they are, “Fuck yeah…”

Despite the gruffness of his voice, his hands are gentle as he takes your wrist in his hands and presses them into the bed.  Jeongguk is so utterly focused on your pussy, using his thumbs to spread your lips apart as he takes in a deep breath.  It’s a little embarrassing for you, but the unrestrained moan he lets out overpowers anything your feeling as you squirm in his hold.

“I can’t wait any longer,” he mutters to himself you think, before he all but attacks your pussy with his tongue.

“Guk!”

He’s vicious, tongue laving from top to bottom as he eats you out, basically swallowing you whole.  You’ve stretched yourself enough from your two fingers that his slip in easily, and he’s quick to push it to three, working them in tandem with his tongue.

You’re practically vibrating beneath Jeongguk, physically unable to keep your mouth closed as you let him know just how good it feels.  You’re so worked up you can feel your orgasm approaching fast, your thighs beginning to shake the closer it gets.

“Oh, cumming, I’m-” you try to speak but you feel like you’re about to swallow your tongue.

Just as you feel like you’re about to tumble over the precipice, just when you can taste it in your mouth, Jeongguk rips himself away from you and your orgasm comes to a screeching halt.

“No, nonono,” you cry, frustration tears budding in the corner of your eyes as you reach out to a panting Jeongguk, “Why did you-!”

“Shh, it’s okay baby, just relax,” he coos, leaning down to press kisses into your thighs as he brushes his hands lovingly up your sides, “calm down for me, yeah?”

You pout down at him, wiping at your eyes as you huff.

“Just trust me, okay?” he smiles cutely at you, like that makes it feel better, as he softly buries his tongue back into you.

You want to be mad because you were so close, but his tongue calms you down and you sink back into the feeling.  Jeongguk seems eager to get back at it and you sigh as the feeling builds back up.  He alternates between sticking his tongue in you and thumbing your clit and dredging his fingers against your walls as he sucks on your clit like a man starved.

It doesn’t take long for you to feel the beginnings of your orgasm approaching and you decide to keep it to yourself.  But Jeongguk must pick up on the tells of your breath quickening and your hands becoming restless because just as you’re about to tip over the edge again Jeongguk pulls away with a wet smack.

“No!” your hands fly up to cover your face because you’re actually crying this time, tears of frustration slipping down your temples into your hairline.

“Pretty girl,” Jeongguk kisses his way up your body, nosing at your ear as he smooths a hand through your hair, “Take a deep breath for me.”

You sniffle into his shoulder, smacking his bicep weakly as you cling onto him, “Why are you being such a dick?  I just wanna cum.”

“I know you do,” he kisses the tip of your nose, before pressing a smothering kiss to your mouth, “And you will, it’ll feel good, I promise.”

“How am I supposed to know if you keep stopping!” you complain and he laughs into your skin as he settles between your legs again.

Jeongguk presses apologetic kisses to your pussy, humming as he slips his tongue up and around your clit as he eases his fingers back in.

“Sorry baby, forgive me?” he grins devilishly at you and you can’t answer, eyes already starting to roll from how deprived you feel.

“Please no more teasing,” you whimper, threading shaky fingers through Jeongguk’s hair, “I don’t think I can take any more.”

“Okay pretty,” he acquices, and you can see the physical change in him, the way his tongue turns pointed and the way his fingers stiffen inside you, “I’ll let you cum.”

You almost wish you had let him do as he pleased, because he works you up to a quick orgasm and tongues you through it, wrapping a hand around your waist to hold you to the bed as you squirm and twitch and gasp your way through it until you’re finished but he… doesn’t stop.

“G-Guk, that’s-” too much, but the words die in your throat as he merely buries his face farther in your pussy, fingers taken to stroking the upper bounds of your walls to keep them lodged up to his knuckles.

“You wanted to cum,” he tells you darkly, mouthful of pussy, “So cum.”

“I did,” you squawk, futilely trying to close your legs around his head, but he easily holds them open, “I c-can’t!  Not again!”

“You will,” he tells you simply before he dives back in.

And you do.  Two more times, the feeling not as all encompassing but just as intense, leaving you slack jawed and with an aching back from how you arch and shy away from his touch.  Your body melts into the furs when his fingers finally retract from inside you, tongue leaving your clit numb and sore.

“Such a good girl, make so many pretty sounds for me,” Jeongguk murmurs, massaging your hips as he lays beside you, “Did so well for me, baby.  Gimme a kiss.”

Your mouth barely works but you kiss him, Jeongguk leaning his torso over yours to make it easier on you.

“You’re still hard,” you note, glancing down to see the bulge in his pants, hidden away from you for too long.

“It’s okay, don’t worry about it,” he tells you but you whine.

“Wanna suck you off, been thinking about it all day,” you admit and he makes a low sound in the back of his throat.

“Yeah?  Wanna suck your alpha off?  Wanna make me feel good?” he asks, voice low and soothing as you push yourself down his body, bringing his pants with you.

You groan at the feel of him, cock sticky with your arousal.  You don’t care about that, and don’t hesitate to suck on his head, hand moving down to play with his balls and twist at the base where you know a knot is waiting for you.  You want it in you so bad you whine around his cock, pushing down so you can suck on more of him, tucking your teeth behind your lips so you didn’t nick him.

Jeongguk groans above you, hands carding through your hair to hold it back, watching your mouth work him over enthusiastically, spit dribbling from the corner of your mouth.

“Ah, baby, just like that,” he moans, giving a tentative thrust of his hips that you gag around, “So eager.”

Jeongguk is big, and most of his cock doesn’t fit in your mouth, so you happily suck what you can and fist the rest of him.  He feels as good in your mouth as you expected him to, heavy against your tongue and the taste heady.  You pull off to breathe, jaw aching from the girth of Jeongguk’s cock, and he coos as you gasp for air.

“So good baby, so close, just a little more, yeah?  Gonna cum down that throat of yours, gonna feel so good, mmm,” he moans as you swallow him back down, fighting through your need to gag to hold your mouth around him and just suck, twisting your hands around the rest of him, “Y/N.”

You whine as Jeongguk reaches down to hold your head steady, before catching on that he wants to fuck your mouth.  You moan around him, making sure to keep your teeth hidden as you tongue at the head each time he thrusts in.

“Ah, yes, yes, gonna cum,” Jeongguk growls, leaning up on an elbow to watch your face intently as you glance up at him, “Hnng!”

There’s so much cum and you try to swallow as much as you can, but you have to pull off to breathe and a few splatters land on your cheek and jaw.  You continue to jerk him through it and Jeongguk hisses through his teeth at the sensitivity, baring his neck as he lets you work his cock roughly before he unceremoniously pulls you up to him to shove his tongue in your mouth.

You laugh breathlessly as you fall against him, trying to keep up.

“You’re insatiable,” you condemn and he grins against the column of your throat.

“You just make me feel so good, sound so pretty for me,” he tells you, “Want to fuck you so bad.”

You can’t help the way you clench your legs together and Jeongguk can feel the muscle movement from where you’re settled on his lap, calming down together.

“Soon,” he promises, running his hands up your back as you relax against him, heart beat slowly returning to normal, “Let’s just enjoy yourselves, like you said.” 

-

You’re humming to yourself as you help prepare meat in the dining hall.  Some of the pack members had gone on a hunt the day before and the second run had gone out this morning.  They were trying to stock up on their own food, as well as add to the supplies they were going to trade to your tribe for the Lottery.  Well, your old tribe.

Jeongguk had gone out on the second run and he had been excited this morning.  Jeongguk told you he liked hunting more for the physical aspect than the actual hunting part, though he did disclose that one of his favorite memories was taking down an elk all by himself.  He promised to find a rabbit, which was meat you really liked, so you two could have dinner in your cabin and you found the gesture incredibly sweet.

However, when Minseo rushes into the preparation room, eyes wide and chest heaving, your heart drops into your stomach.  The chatter from the other pack members dies down quickly, as you all zero in on the absolute panic on Minseo’s face.

“Minseo what’s-”

“It’s Jeongguk,” she whispers, reaching a shaky hand to you, “Jeongguk’s hurt, we have to go.”

You hear the words, can see Jeongguk bleeding in your mind’s eye, but you can’t make your feet move.  Jeongguk’s hurt.  Your future mate is hurt and all you can think is the worst, hand tightening around the knife in your hand.

“Y/N, dear, it’s okay,” Minseo gently takes the knife from you, laying it on the table as your breathing shortens, “C’mon, he’s in the healing hut, let’s go see him.”

Minseo holds you close to her as the two of you sprint over to the healing hut.  The closer you get the louder it becomes and you two see the rest of the second run standing around outside, debriefing Alpha Kim.  Some of them are already bandaged up, favoring legs and holding limp arms to their chests.  You can only hope Jeongguk made it out with as minor injuries.

Alpha Kim notices you and Minseo drawing closer and beckons you into the hut, “He’s okay, he’s inside.  He’s asked for you, go see him.”

You quickly nod at him, bounding up the stairs and holding your breath as you push the door open.

The first thing you notice is how disheveled Jeongguk’s hair is, face dirty and gaunt and a small frown marring his face.  The second thing you notice is the bandage wrapped around the entirety of his left arm, stained red in some spots.  The third and last thing you notice is Ina curled up in Jeongguk’s lap, sobbing.

They haven’t noticed you and Minseo yet, the door opening too soft to be heard over the sound of Ina’s crying.  You go to take a step forward and announce your presence, but Minseo places a firm hand on your shoulder and shakes her head, motioning for you to be quiet.  You want to protest, to let them know you’re here, but realize Ina is talking as she cries.

“Why did you have to choose her?” she asks, hands clutching at Jeongguk’s pants, face hidden, “Why did you have to step out of the pack?”

Jeongguk sighs softly, a light hand placed on the back of her head as he tries to console her, “Ina, we talked about this…”

“No, you talked about it,” she vehemently denies, “You decided we weren’t a match and you decided to end it.  I wanted to work through it and stay together.”

Together?  You should have known from the way Ina had approached you and the way she talked to you that there had been something between them.

“I could have made you so happy,” she whispers, pulling away to look up at him.  Your heart breaks for her.

“Ina, I wouldn’t have been happy if I had stayed,” he breaks it to her in a gentle voice.

“You never even gave us a chance!” she rips herself away from him, standing up and turning so quickly that you barely have a chance to prepare for when your eyes meet

Ina’s nostrils flare dangerously but you meet her stare head on.  Jeongguk stands up behind her, ready to step in, but you shake your head at him.  You and her were going to have to talk it out one day, better now when everyone can bare witness.

“You’ll never take away the fact that I was his first,” she declares and you have to stop yourself from rolling your eyes at her childish attack.  You wanted to be civil, seeing as how you’re in the same pack now, but she’s made it clear she has no intentions of ever treating you as an equal.

“Well, we all make mistakes,” you shrug.  You can’t deny the little trill of fear that runs down your spine when her eyes narrow and her hands clench.

“You bitch-”

“Ina,” Jeongguk growls behind her, voice low and authoritative, “Don’t talk to her like that.  I didn’t “choose” Y/N; if she hadn’t volunteered it would have been whoever was drawn from the Lottery.  I’m sorry but that’s the truth.”

Ina’s face twists and she turns her head away for a moment before she charges forward.  Your eyes widen, bracing yourself for impact, but Minseo guides you away from the door to let her barrel out of it.

It’s quiet for a few moments, before Jeongguk sighs heavily and sits back on his medical cot.   His movement snaps you back into the moment and you take a small step towards him, causing him to raise his head to look at you.

Jeongguk looks exhausted as he simply stares at you for a moment, before he raises his arms in welcoming and you fall into him.  You wrap your arms around his shoulders, cradling his head to your chest as the tension in your body floods out of you.  You’re not surprised to find that a few tears fall, utterly relieved to see and feel that Jeongguk is only minorly injured.

“Y/N,” Jeongguk says tiredly, breath washing across your skin, “I’m sorry you had to see that.”

You shake your head, kissing his crown as you rub your fingers against the back of his neck, “I don’t care about Ina right now, are you okay?”

Jeongguk lets out a deep sigh again, the arms he had tightly wrapped around you growing limp, “So tired.”

“What happened?” you asked softly, “How did you get hurt?”

“Bear,” he says gruffly, “Took us by surprise.  Snagged m’arm with its claws.  Had’ta flee.”

His words are starting to slur and you squeeze him to you for a long moment before you slowly ease him back down onto the cot.  Jeongguk doesn’t fight against you, nuzzling against the hand you lay on his cheek as he gets comfortable.

“Rest now,” you kiss his cheek and his eyelashes flutter closed, “You’re okay.”

You watch his face even out as he falls asleep, the furrow between his eyebrows slowly smoothing.  When you turn around, you see Minseo watching the two of you with soft eyes and a softer smile.

She simply says, “Let’s let him rest.  We’ll prepare him dinner and you can deliver it later.”

“That sounds good.”

There’s quiet between the two of you as you head back to the dining hall before Minseo breaks it, “He was wrong, you know.”

“Jeongguk?” you question and she nods, “About what?”

“He says he didn’t choose you, but he’s wrong.”

“How so?” you ask, because you very plainly volunteered, there was no choosing on his end.

Minseo smiles serenely up at the clear blue sky, closing her eyes against the sunlight, “He chose you the moment you stepped forward.”

-

“I don’t think this is a good idea,” Jeongguk frowns at you, watching you change into heavier clothes.

You roll your eyes, completely exasperated with him, “I don’t care what you think, I want to do this.”

You pull a thick cloak around you, cinching it around your neck as you face him.  He’s tonguing his cheek, staring intensely at the wall as he thinks.  The two of you have been arguing about this for the past half hour, the both of you adamant on opposite stances.

“You don’t know the area well enough,” he finally settles on, “There are other pack members who would be more useful on this supply run.”

You pause in lacing your boots up, slowly and carefully facing Jeongguk as he seems to realize the implications behind his words.

“You think I’m useless?” you ask in an even tone and he takes a step towards you before you even finish.

“That’s not what I meant and you know it,” he snaps, as you glare at him and shove past him.  He snags your arm to turn you to him before you can leave the bedroom, “I just meant-”

“I know what you just meant,” you rip your arm from his grasp, continuing down the hallway, “I can’t just be your bitch forever Jeongguk, I have to be of some use to the pack.”

“No one thinks-!” Jeongguk is hurrying after you as you head towards the front door, but you’re done listening.

“I’m going whether you like it or not,” you tell him fiercely, and he stands kind of dumbly in place, eyes wide and chest heaving, “I’ll be back tomorrow.”

“Y/N!” he calls out, but the only answer he gets is the slamming of your front door in his face.

When Alpha Kim had approached you about accompanying some pack members on a supply run, you had immediately said yes.  You’d only been with the pack for a few days but you felt like a burden, so you tried to pitch in wherever you could: clothes mending, laundry, food prep, farming.

This supply run would give you a chance to get to know some of the pack members a little better and the surrounding area as well.  You were excited about it, and it hurt your feelings a little when you had told Jeongguk and his response had been a shake of his head.

“No, I don’t think you should go,” he had said, casually, turning away from you like the conversation was over.

He seemed to think that because he was an alpha, what he said went, but you were your own person and you had already decided you were going on the supply run; you had told Jeongguk out of courtesy, not permission.  So you had simply left Jeongguk to his lunch and went to pack some of your belongings before you really began arguing, before he called you useless.

Now, you’re approaching the group gathered outside Yoongi’s cabin, the alpha the leader of this particular run.

“Ah, Y/N, good, you’re here.  That should be everyone, are we ready to set out?” his voice is quiet but commanding, and your little group quiets down as they nod their agreement.

You don’t look back as you follow the group out to the edge of your pack boundary line and across it, chatting with the human girl Jihyo.  You two have spent some time together since you’ve arrived and you feel better about not being the only human on the run.

Yoongi leads your group in his shifted form, nose to the ground as other shifted members flank the sides.  You dislike the idea of the shifters circling around you humans like you need protection, but considering you still don’t know the area, you don’t fight against it.  You’re sure they’re just being extra careful with you as well, considering how new you are.

You and Jihyo collect some simple and easy herbs as you walk.  There’s a deer den the group is headed to and there’s a black berry patch Jihyo had mentioned that was near it.  You’re expected to reach a camping spot by sun down, head into the deer den to catch them by surprise in the early morning, swing by the berry patch, and reach home just before dinner.  You hope that it’ll give you and Jeongguk enough time to calm down after your little spat to talk it through.

Yoongi stops suddenly in front of you, one of the pack members stumbling into him as he raises his nose to sniff quickly at the air, tail stiff with alert.  The others seem to realize something’s amiss as they crowd you and Jihyo in between them, watching the tree line for whatever it is Yoongi’s smelling.

Except Yoongi lets out an amused huff before he shifts back, turning to face the way your group had just come from.

“You might as well come out of hiding, I can smell you,” he calls out and you look where he’s looking, but with your diminished senses you can’t see anything.

Until a black body shifts its way between some bushes, head held high as he walks to you.  You roll your eyes and turn away from Jeongguk as he joins your group, padding his way up to Yoongi, ears and tail lowered in respect.

“Weren’t you attacked by a bear a two days ago?  Should you really be following us?” Yoongi asks rhetorically, before he shifts back.

Yoongi barely gives any of you time to adjust to the new addition to your group, sticking his nose back to the ground as he continues to follow the trail.

Jeongguk turns his head to look back at you but you push forward with Yoongi, refusing to spare him a glance.  You can feel your blood boiling. How dare he follow you like you’re some little girl who needs her father to watch over her.

Jeongguk doesn’t approach you as you and Jihyo continue to collect easy supplies as you walk.  You’re going a little slower than you expected, but the way the pack does things is different than you’re used to.

It becomes evident what’s given Yoongi some concern when he pauses over a dark splatter against a tree trunk, growling lowly in his throat as he sniffs at it.

“That’s… blood,” Jihyo whispers nervously by your side, subconsciously reaching down for your hand in search of comfort.

Jeongguk nears Yoongi and they seem to have a quick conversation if the look they share is anything to go by.  You’re surprised to see them motion for your group to head into the trees, off the established path.  One of the unshifted members behind you explains what’s happening when they sense your hesitation.

“It must be another shifter’s blood if Yoongi’s taking us into cover.  He must not be sure what’s hurt it,” he says, a shifter named Minho, “It looks like old blood though, so it’s probably more a precaution than anything.”

You nod and when you face forward, you can see Jeongguk is looking at you over his shoulder.  You give him a quick, reassuring smile and he accepts it, turning back to help beat down the grass for your group to walk through easier.

Yoongi seems satisfied with your cover after a few hours, shifting back to put a halt to the group.

“We’ll bed down here for the night,” Yoongi announces, the treetops hiding the waning sunlight, “We’re a little farther from the deer den than I would have preferred, but we’re capable and can make do.  I know there’s a little lake nearby where we can get some fish for extra food and wash up really quick, which we’ll do in shifts.  Minho, help me gather some wood.  Seulgi, Jeongguk, you head to the lake-”

“Wait, that’ll leave Y/N and Jihyo by themselves,” Jeongguk quickly interjects, meeting the withering glare Yoongi sends him head on.

“Your point?”

“W-Well, someone should stay with them, shouldn’t they?  Seulgi can handle fishing by herself, I’ll-”

“The two of you will catch more fish faster than just Seulgi by herself,” Yoongi counteracts, before his voice turns teasing, borderline mocking, “What’s the matter, Jeongguk?  Don’t trust your mate by herself?”

“That’s not-!” Jeongguk splutters and you snort, crossing your arms.

“Then Seulgi and you will gather the fish.  You should remember where the lake is, I won’t insult you by holding your hand and walking you to it.”

Jeongguk’s face turns red and he glowers, Seulgi nudging his shoulder good naturedly as they turn away.  Jeongguk does shoot you one last glance but you ignore him again, upset with his response to this whole situation.

“C’mon, let’s start setting up camp,” Jihyo says and you snap back to it, nodding as the two of you get to work.

Quickly, the two of you pat the ground down enough that you’ll be able to easily contain and control your small bonfire.  Jihyo shyly asks if she can set her sleeping pad near yours and you feel your heart constrict in a pleasant manner, pulling yours closer to hers in answer.  You like Jihyo and you hope that your friendship with her only grows.

“Jeongguk’s been acting kind of weird today,” she observes, almost hesitantly, like she’s afraid to cross any boundaries.

You sigh as the two of you settle in to wait for everyone to get back.

“Yeah, we had a fight this morning about this supply run.  We’ll be okay, I’m just upset with how much it seems like he doesn’t trust me.  I know we’ve known each other for less than a week, but all this seems completely uncalled for.  He followed me out here for god’s sake.”

Jihyo nods, taking it what you’re saying and thinking it over, before she says, “I have no advice, sorry.”

You laugh, patting her hand as you smile, “It’s okay.  It’s something Jeongguk and I have to figure out for ourselves.”

“For what it’s worth, it seems to me like he’s just worried about you; I’ve only known Jeongguk a few years and he’s always been kind of reserved and off on his own, but whenever you’re around he always seems to be a little more present and engaged.”

You sigh, running a hand through your hair, and she smiles reassuringly at you, as she says, “Maybe try and talk to him tonight, before bed.  You’re not supposed to go to bed angry, right?”

You stand as Minho and Yoongi breach your little clearing, arms loaded with more firewood than is probably necessary for a night, but it’ll be good to have as a precaution.  You’re the most adept at starting a fire, having had to use one everyday to heat your little hut in your old tribe and whenever you wanted to eat, so you have it going in no time at all.

The four of you sit and talk as you wait for Jeongguk and Seulgi to get back, and it takes longer than you were expecting.  You’re not sure how far this lake is but it can’t be that far and Jeongguk’s not enough of an idiot to have gotten lost.  You briefly think about the dried shifter blood and start to worry that whatever got it had got them.  Yoongi must detect the change in your heart rate because he shoots you a comforting smile.

The relief you feel when they finally come back, sacks loaded with fish, is overtaken by surprise when Jeongguk unceremoniously dumps a large and slimy catfish in your lap with a wet plop.

“I caught this for you,” he simply says, turning away immediately to hand his sack to Yoongi so they can start gutting the contents.

You stare at the fish in your lap for a moment, it’s dead beady eye staring back at you as you start to smile.  Even in the midst of a fight he’d been thinking of you and you shake your head, pulling a knife out of your belt to gut and debone it.

You wonder if, as you bed down for the night, Jeongguk is going to sleep beside you.  You’ve gotten used to sharing space with him the past few days and your sleeping pad feels empty without him.  He and Yoongi are talking on the other side of the smoldering fire, probably a plan for the sneak attack on the deer in the morning, and he looks handsome in the firelight.  His jaw is drawn tight, chewing on his lip as the two of them strategize, arms crossed over his chest with his biceps flexing as he shifts his weight from foot to foot.  He’s handsome, you’ll never deny that, and what makes him even more attractive is the way he cares, especially about others.  Especially about you.

You’re less mad at him now then you were earlier, but you know it’s something the two of you still have to discuss; he needs to realize that you are an individual and you get to make your own decisions, whether he agrees with them or not.  But you realize he was right in being worried about you going on the run in the first place, unfamiliar with the pack and the area. You’ll let him know that you’ll listen to him more next time if he’s willing to do the same.

Jeongguk suddenly glances over at you and you don’t shy away from his gaze, even if your heart does jump with surprise.  You scoot back on your pad a little to pat the space in front of you and he smiles, a small genuine one, before he motions you to wait a few more minutes.  You’re content with that, letting yourself relax as you watch him finish up his conversation, before he eagerly pads his way over to you.

“Gukkie,” you smile at him as he settles right beside you, wrapping an arm around your waist to haul you into him.

“Hey, pretty girl,” he greets, leaning in to kiss you softly, at odds with the way he tightly holds you close to him.

“The fish was good,” you tell him and he grins happily at you.

“Seulgi was getting mad at how long I was taking, but when I saw it I knew I wanted to get it for you,” he admits and you laugh at him.

“There were plenty of other catfish you could have caught,” Seulgi grumpily snaps at him, still awake and sitting by the fire even though her eyes are starting to droop, “It didn’t have to be that particular one.”

He ignores her and you poke his side for it, Jeongguk just burying his face in your shoulder.  You smooth a hand down his back, bunching his tunic top in your hands as you keep him close, breathing in his comforting scent as your body melts into him.  He shifts so the two of you are a little more comfortable, one of his arms sliding under your head as a makeshift pillow while one of your legs slides between his.

“Are we okay?” he whispers to you, the chatter of the last few pack members serving as quiet background noise.  You think you can hear Jihyo snoring, enhanced by the few crickets you guys haven’t scared away.

“I still want to calmly discuss it and not just accept your bribe of fish-”

“-it wasn’t a bribe-” he sulks.

“-but I get it,” you tell him gently, laying your free hand on his cheek.  He kisses your palm as you continue, “we should’ve talked it out more before I stormed off and you decided it was necessary to crash the party.”

Jeongguk has the decency to look sheepish, “Sorry I just- sorry.  Yoongi’s right, I should trust you more.  I just worry about you, being new to the pack and the area.  I trust the members with my life but if something happened to you on this run and I wasn’t here to protect you, I’d never forgive myself.”

“You won’t always be able to protect me,” you gently admonish him.

Jeongguk heaves out a heavy sigh, like it pains him to admit, “I know.  I’m sorry.”

“Me too,” you tell him, “I should have listened to your concerns seriously before I got mad.  It’s just… hard for me to listen to others. It’s been just me for so long, I’m not used to other people caring for me.”

“Sounds like we both have some things we need to work on,” Jeongguk notes and you smile into his neck.

“Together?” you whisper, glancing up at him.

“Together,” he smiles before he kisses you.

“Ugh, get a room,” Yoongi gags from the other side of the bonfire, and you and Jeongguk giggle into each other.

-

You and Jeongguk are incredibly sexually compatible, that much is obvious, but more than that, you find that you genuinely enjoy being around him.  Time and time again, you find the two simply together and enjoying each other’s presence, not just each other’s bodies.

It’s nice.  A comfortable life with someone you genuinely enjoy being around and someone you didn’t just settle for is not something you’d ever have.  Jeongguk makes you laugh until your stomach hurts, tears clinging to the corner of your eyes.  He makes you cry with soft stories of his childhood, recounting precious memories with his parents and grandparents, about friends that have come and gone.

It’s amazing.  He’s amazing.  You keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, for something to pop this bubble that you’ve been living in for the past few days, but it doesn’t come.  You don’t expect your life with Jeongguk to always be this easy, but you know that if you two continue to work together like you’ve been, you’ll be able to overcome anything.

“Our ceremony is in a few days,” Jeongguk tells you two mornings before your ceremony, curled around you with your head resting on his bicep.

He’s scratching at your scalp, and you’ve noticed these last couple of days that he’s lost most of his feral features.  His nails are short and blunt, and his fangs have retracted to match the rest of his teeth. You’ve learned that it wasn’t so much that Jeongguk’s feral transformation that made him lose his communication skills, but that he’s fairly reserved most of the time naturally.  It doesn’t bother you; you like watching Jeongguk just exist in the space around him, filling it entirely with his very being.

“I know,” you whisper, brushing the lightest touch against the newly started ink on his chest.  It’s part of the ceremony, Jeongguk having earned the right to bear the pack’s insignia, and it’ll be completed by the time you say your mating vows.

“Are you nervous?” he asks, using the leverage he has in your hair to tilt your head back, staring intensely down at you, “Are you regretting your decision?”

“No,” you tell him immediately, because you don’t, “there are some things I regret in life, but you’ll never be one of them.  But yes… I am nervous.  I don’t know why though.”

He smiles sweetly at you, kissing you even sweeter.

“I can’t wait,” he says honestly, smattering kisses across your face as he tries to pull you closer, though there’s miniscule space between you two already, “getting to do this with you for the rest of my life… it sounds almost too good to be true.”

You bury your face in his chest and he lets you, wrapping his arms tightly around you as he pins you to the furs.

“You’re sappy,” you mumble into his chest and he hums, not denying it, “but the rest of our lives has a nice ring to it.”

The only thing that could potentially put a damper on your mood is Ina, who has been nothing but rude and condescending to you.  You ignore her, for the most part, and don’t mention anything to Jeongguk because it’s not worth a second thought.  Jeongguk is your mate now and it’s something she’ll just have to accept.

Jeongguk’s friends, Jimin and Taehyung, are really sweet to you, and help you prepare for your ceremony considering your lack of friends.  But you think you can begin calling them friends of your own as they help rub oil into your skin, specifically around your neck, to help loosen and slightly numb it to prepare it for your mating bite.  They also help you make a necklace for Jeongguk, your own symbol of possession considering you can’t return his bite.

The night before your ceremony, you’re whisked away from Jeongguk, Minseo giggling at the outrage on his face.

“It’s bad luck to see your mate before the ceremony, Y/N’s gonna have to stay with me tonight,” she lies and you cackle as Jeongguk whines at her, uncaring of the fact that he’s amidst his pack in the dining hall.

Some of the older women coo at him as he stands, stalking towards the two of you as Minseo drags you around.  The rest of the pack joins in on the fun, pulling you around the hall as they block Jeongguk’s attempts from getting to you.  The both of you laugh as you play along, you hiding behind people as Jeongguk wrestles pups to the ground, acting like they’re his biggest obstacle.

“I’ll never get to her this way!” Jeongguk proclaims, letting one of the pups gain the upper hand and put him in a rather strong headlock for someone his size, “You’ll never take her from me!”

You giggle as Minseo comes around to collect you, pulling you out from behind a sweet omega named Taeyeon, tucking some hair behind your ear as she slides a clip into your hand.

You grip it tightly as she leans into you, whispering, “This was my mother’s.  It would… mean a lot to me if you wore it during your ceremony tomorrow.  Mother always wanted to see Jeongguk’s mating ceremony and I think she would have loved you.”

It brings tears into your eyes and you hug her tightly, as the crowd around you continues to laugh and play loudly.

“Thank you,” you cry.

Minseo kisses your cheek, keeping you close to her as she says, “Out of any daughter I could have received, I thank the gods it’s someone like you.  I know you and Jeongguk will be happy together.”

Minseo is going to have you flat out sobbing in a few moments as she pulls away to smooth your hair down before she steps back.  You wipe hastily at your eyes, pocketing the clip safe and secure in your pants.

“I’ll see you in the morning,” she tells you.

You go to answer, but familiar arms wrap around your waist and lift you up.  You squeal loudly, the crowd bursting into cheers as Jeongguk spins you, grin becoming visible as he shifts you until he has an arm around your back and under your knees, both your arms around his neck.

“Gotcha,” he’s smug, like it was actually a challenge to get to you.

“Oh no, whatever shall I do?” you sarcastically intone, pressing the back of your hand dramatically to your forehead, “It looks like the big bad wolf has caught me.”

“I’d be careful, little lamb; this big bad wolf has quite the appetite and it seems he’s caught something particularly tasty,” he licks his lips, winking at you, and there are whistles from the crowd.

You snicker but quickly school your features, fluttering your eyelashes at him as you say, “I wonder what I could possibly offer in exchange for my life?”

Jeongguk purses his lips, pretending to think, before he says, “I suppose I could spare you.  In exchange, you have to promise yourself to me.”

“Oh?  That’s a steep price,” you tease, biting your lip as Jeongguk growls a little at you, “Is it worth it, do you think?”

You hear a few people in the crowd shout out yes! and you grin at Jeongguk as he says, “You promise yourself to me, and I in turn promise to devote myself to you until I die.”

“I get to keep my life and receive a promise of my own?  Seems grossly unfair to me.  How about I tack on my own promise of devotion?”

Jeongguk doesn’t respond, just hoists you up a little farther so his aim is more on point when he kisses you hotly.  The crowd around you cheers the two of you on and you can’t quite hide the smile you’re sporting in the kiss, no matter how hard Jeongguk tries to eat it up.

-

The day of your ceremony, Minseo does steal you away from Jeongguk, practically shaking with excitement that she gets to help you dress.

Your dress is made of light cotton, something easy to slip in and out of, both for the ease of the party and the copulation.  Minseo rubs a sparkly powder made from fern flowers, flowers thought to have been blessed by the Moon Goddess, into your hair.  She gives you a watery grin when you slide Jeongguk’s grandmother’s clip into place, securing some hair out of your face.

You’re barefoot, to appreciate the earth beneath your feet, one of the blessings of the gods that allows your pack to survive and prosper.  It’s a beautiful day and at noon the pack members howl, signaling the start of the ceremony.

As Minseo guides you out of her cabin you feel your heart jump up into your throat from nerves.  You have the most absurd thoughts as you approach the center of the pack grounds, things like: will Jeongguk be there to meet you?; has all of this just been a sick joke, a taunt of the gods to show you what you’ll never have?; will you wake up back in your tribe, all alone again?

Minseo squeezes your shoulders as you suddenly stop, eyes wide and breath shortening.

“It’s okay sweetheart, just take your time,” she tells you, “you take this at your own pace, okay?  Today is about you and the start of your life with Jeongguk, this isn’t about anybody else.”

“Will he be there?” you ask her fearfully, afraid that when you reach the center he’ll laugh at you from the sidelines, as if you were ever good enough for him.

“Being Jeongguk’s mother, I know him inside and out.  Y/N, I’ve never seen Jeongguk look at someone the way he’s looked at you.”

You nod, taking a deep breath as Minseo smooths some of your hair down, waiting for your signal.  Finally, you nod with a bit more finality and step forward.

Various pack members throw seeds at your feet as you pass them.  The congregation grows thicker the closer you get to Jeongguk, but they’re purposefully blocking him from view, Alpha and Omega Kim standing at the very end.

“Y/N,” Alpha Kim greets you and you bow to him, “Please, rise.  Accept this gift of our pack, as we formally acknowledge that you are to be mated to one of our alphas, Jeon Jeongguk, and that better yet, you are officially one of our own.  Today and going forward, you are a part of our family.”

You wipe a tear from your eye as Omega Kim steps forward to place a rather simple but beautiful flower crown on your head, you bowing a little lower to show respect and thankfulness for the gift.

“Allow me to be the one to say this: out of any offering we could have chosen, I’m thankful you had the courage to volunteer.  Please, step forward and meet your mate.  If I can be blunt, he’s been rather anxious all morning.”

An indignant hey sounds from behind him and you laugh, the Kims parting to give you your first glance of Jeongguk and it steals your breath away.

He’s standing in the middle of the pack circle, wearing just as simple of a tunic as your dress, just as barefoot, and just as handsome as you’ve seen him everyday this week.  But his hands are clasped tightly in front of him, eyes glassy as he gazes so fondly at you it causes more tears to spring to your eyes.

Jeongguk holds his hands out as your step to him and you willingly follow the way he pulls you to him, dropping his forehead against yours.  The pack is quiet and respectful as you share the moment together, before you feel Jeongguk release a shaky breath.

“Hi,” he says, voice hoarse and you want to laugh but you can feel your lower lip wobbling.

“Hi,” you parrot, throat tight with emotions you’re currently unable to process.

“You look… more beautiful than anything I could have ever imagined,” he tells you, raw honesty shining through each word he speaks, “The clip- thank you.  I know grandmother is smiling down on us today.”

You can’t respond, choking on all the words you want so desperately to say to him, but he seems to understand you anyway if the spring light kiss he gives you is anything to go by.

There’s light applauding from the pack as you two straighten, Alpha and Omega Kim stepping up to the two of you.

“Everybody,” Alpha Kim intones, raising his hands high, “Please join me in blessing the joyous joining of these two bodies.  Though they are separate in physical form, they are one in soul.  May the Moon Goddess bless their lives together as we help watch over them, so is our promise as a pack.”

The shifters throw their heads back to howl as you and Jeongguk cross your arms to join hands, Omega Kim wrapping a twine rope that has been steeped in the same fern flower powder in your hair.  It sparkles against your skin, catching the sunlight as she wraps and wraps and wraps, up and down your arms until she knots it in place, knot hanging between your hands.

“In front of the pack, recite your promises.”

“As an alpha,” Jeongguk starts, staring directly at you, voice steady and resolute, “I promise to protect you with my life.  I promise to give you my all, so that we may have a good life together, here, within this pack, until fate intervenes or decides otherwise.  I promise to love you more today than I did yesterday, and love you even more tomorrow.  As my word is my bond, do you accept?”

You don’t think as you nod, already knowing what your answer is, “I accept.”

“Y/N, in front of our pack, please recite your promises.”

You take a moment to gather yourself, rubbing your cheeks against your shoulders to rid yourself of your tears since your hands are bound.  Jeongguk coos softly at you, pure elation etched in his face as he watches you.

“As a human,” you begin, voice shaky with emotion but ringing true with clarity, “I recognize that there is not much I can do to provide for you.  But I promise to be the best mate I can be, to support you in your endeavors and to lift your spirits when you are down.  I promise to love you with my entire heart, until fate decides to bless us with children, and I promise to love and protect them as any mother would do.  As my word is my bond, do you accept?”

“I accept,” Jeongguk whispers, arms straining against the rope in an effort to not just pull you to him and ravage you in front of everyone.

“We as a pack wish you all the happiness in the world,” Omega Kim finishes, reaching forward to undo the knot, letting the twine fall away from your arms as Jeongguk finally pulls you into him.

He’s crying into your hair, holding you close to him as the pack surges forward to give you their congratulations before they set off to get the party started.

“Why are you crying?” you blubber into his shoulder, holding onto him, “Stop it, you’re making it worse!”

He hiccup laughs into your ear, running his hands down your back as he finally pulls away.  Your heart swells as you wipe the tear tracks off his cheeks, leaning up to kiss him softly.  He nuzzles his nose against yours as you pull away, tucking you into his side as you follow the crowd to the party.

“I do really like this dress.  Looks like your Lottery dress,” Jeongguk says, clearing his throat of any remaining tears, tugging playfully at the hem.

“It is!” you say, stepping away as he keeps a grasp on your hand, Jeongguk letting out a laugh as you use it to your advantage to do a little spin, “Well, parts of it.  Figured I’d never wear it again but could still get some use out of it.”

“You look pretty,” he says simply, “and not to be a pervert so early in the afternoon, but you’ll look even better out of it.”

“Shut up,” you blush and he grins.

You and Jeongguk aren’t allowed to drink any wine, to keep yourselves clear headed for your impending copulation.  You two don’t need to drink to have any fun, though, as the two of you twirl around with your pack members, dancing and laughing and eating to your heart’s content.

You’re flushed and sweaty as the sun starts to set, the pack lighting up a bonfire as the party starts to wind down.  You’ve been stopped by individuals of the pack who want to personally congratulate you and wish you well.

“I’ve watched Jeongguk grow up and he’s always been such a sweet boy,” an older beta woman tells you, spindly fingers clutched around yours, “He’ll take such good care of you.  And I can tell you’ll take equally as good care of him.”

Jeongguk is on the other side of the clearing, nodding along as he intently listens to an older alpha tell him a story.  He seems to feel your gaze on him because he pauses in his conversation to glance up at you.  He gives you a small smile, tilting his head in question, but you just smile back as you shake yours.

“You know the old wives tale about the copulation ceremony, don’t you?” the beta asks.

“Oh, no, I don’t believe I have.  What is it?”

“They say that if your fern flowers glow during your copulation, the Moon Goddess is revealing that you’ve found your true mate.”

You’ve actually never heard that wives tale before and the surprise on your face makes the beta laugh.

“Don’t overthink it; it’s just a fairytale we tell the pups.  My advice to you during your copulation is just to relax, you’ll only make things worse for yourself if you’re tense.”

You nod, having already heard this from other mated pairs.  But if you’re being honest with yourself, your not worried about having sex with Jeongguk.  Sure, there’s a little pit in your stomach, but it’s completely overshadowed by the excitement thrumming through your veins at crossing this last intimate barrier with him.

The crowd gets quieter as the moon rises and the party dies down.  There are lots of tired pups being gathered up by their parents as Minseo lovingly embraces you, and then Jeongguk.

“You birthed me, shouldn’t I be hugged first?” Jeongguk exclaims, pulling his mother tightly into his arms as you snort quietly beside him.

“I like Y/N better,” she says simply, but she holds him just as close to her, “I’m happy for you both.”

Jeongguk lets out a shaky exhale, letting her go before he takes your hand, “Thank you.  We’re going to make our rounds before we head to the clearing.”

She nods and gives you a radiant smile, waving you both off.  The rounds involve wishing everyone thanks and bidding them goodnight, older shifters try to give you last minute advice and others your age merely patting you on the back and giving you sly smirks.  Yoongi is probably the worst and you try to ignore the lascivious grin he gets you; he’s already experienced the carnal desires between you and Jeongguk, this isn’t anything new for him.

“Alpha Kim, Omega Kim,” Jeongguk greets and you bow to them and they smile at the both of you, packing up the remaining food to be delivered to your cabin, “thank you for this celebration.  We’re going to go pay our respects to the Moon Goddess now.”

Which is code for: we’re going to fuck like animals.  You try to keep your face neutral, but like with Yoongi, you try not to look Alpha Kim directly in the eyes.

“We wish you all the happiness,” Omega Kim reinterates and you do return this sweet little lady’s genuine kindness, “Oh and Jeongguk?”

“Yes ma’am?”

“Go easy on her,” she teases and you immediately cover your face as you hide behind Jeongguk.  Why are shifters so shameless?

Jeongguk seems just as embarrassed, holding onto you as he whines, “Alpha Kim please control your mate.”

Alpha Kim raises his hands and shakes his head, “Keep me out of this, son.”

The two of them laugh as you wallow in your embarrassment, before Jeongguk forces you beside him to bow one last time and walk away.

“He told her,” you state, glancing up at Jeongguk to see his ears are red, eyes focused on the treeline in front of you.

“He totally told her,” he soullessly intones and you can’t help but crack a smile.

Jeongguk tries not to laugh with you, but he can’t fight the way his lips curl as you giggle into his side.  The walk to the clearing doesn’t take very long and your heart rate picks up when you enter it.

“Jeongguk,” you whisper, eyeing the candles spread around, most of them adorning the base of the Moon Goddess statue.

When you turn to look at him he’s smiling softly at you, leading you further in.

“This could have been a fire hazard,” you scold, for lack of anything better to say.

“Shut up,” Jeongguk rolls his eyes, pulling you to the blanket he has laid out in the center of the candles.

You quiet down as you kneel on the blanket, running your hands over the fur.  It feels new, almost untouched, and you spread out on it on your stomach, sighing as some of the tension eases out of your body.  The clearing is quiet and you close your eyes, almost feeling like you could fall asleep.  The thrumming under your skin for what’s to follow can’t be ignored, though.

You don’t jump when a hand grasps your ankle, thumb rubbing against the skin there as another hand travels up the back of your leg, gripping at your thigh.  A kiss is pressed to the crease of your knee and you laugh at the ticklish feeling of it, before the hand on your thigh grips your hip and nudges you to roll over.

You do so, gasp getting caught in your throat when you see Jeongguk kneeling over you, eyes dark and half-lidded as he gazes down at you, his stare intense.  His hand on your hip moves up until it’s clutching at the dip of your waist, his fingers firm and intent, and your eyelashes flutter at the contact.  The want to close your legs is intense, but Jeongguk is slotted between them.  Jeongguk inhales sharply when he feels them tighten around his thighs instead, which is of very little reprieve for you, and if anything it makes the feeling worse.

“Let’s say our prayers to Her,” he tells you, voice already starting to deepen.

You don’t trust yourself to speak so you just nod, letting Jeongguk help pull you up and over to the statue.  You smile up at Her as you kneel at Her feet, clasping your hands in your lap.

Jeongguk bows his head as he says his prayers to Her, but you keep your head raised.  It almost seems as if She is looking back at you, her gaze stony and resolute but still so benevolent.

“I don’t have anything else to ask of You, You’ve already given me Jeongguk.”

The euphoric feeling that spreads through you suddenly is almost too much to comprehend and you sink into it, letting the feeling travel through your body until you can feel it even in your toes.

“Y/N.”

Jeongguk’s voice sends a shiver down your spine and you spin on your knees to see that Jeongguk has already moved to the blanket, leaning back on his hands with his legs extended in front of him.

You can already feel yourself start to get wet as you crawl towards him, Jeongguk sitting up to meet you in a messy kiss.  Your hands fly to his hair, angling his head up to give your neck a little slack, his own landing on your ass.  The feeling in your body gets hotter and more intense the longer you touch Jeongguk, one hand slipping from his hand to trail down his neck and rest on his pec, right over his heart.  The resounding and steady rhythm beneath your palm is comforting, despite the hungry way Jeongguk is trying to devour you.

“Want you.  Need you,” he groans, his hands on your ass drawing you closer, settling you more firmly in his lap so you can feel him compressed hot and hard in his trousers.

“Get naked,” you breathe out, pulling back to rid yourself of your dress.

Jeongguk’s eyes open, mouth forming a half smirk as he no doubt opens his mouth to say something stupid, before his mouth drops open when you unceremoniously pull your dress over your head.  His mouth shuts with an audible click and he acts like every time he sees you naked it’s the first time.  You knock the fern crown off in your haste and Jeongguk replaces it with shaky fingers, hands smoothing down your flyaway hairs.

“I’ll never get over how pretty you are,” he whispers, hands reverently running over your skin, from your shoulders to your fingers and back, down and around your sides to your ass and thighs, “Feel so good in my hands.  Can’t believe I’m the one who gets to touch you like this.”

You whine as you wriggle in his lap, his fingers light and ticklish, “Love your hands, Gukkie, they’re so big.  Touch me more.”

He hums as he leans forward to attach his lips to the top of your tit, sucking at the skin as his hands tweak your nipples.  You don’t really get much out of having your breasts fondled, but Jeongguk seems to like playing with them and the caress of his hands does feel nice, even if it’s not the most arousing.  You still let yourself get lost in the feeling as you run your hands through his hair, letting Jeongguk leave as many love bites as he wants as he works your nipples to hard peaks.

“Taste good,” he mumbles, his breath causing goosebumps to erupt when it hits your wet skin.

“I have something that tastes even better,” you promise, trailing your own hand down your stomach to lightly trace your lips, feeling how wet you already are yourself.

“You think?” he grins, teeth encasing your nipple for a second, “Think I should find out for myself?”

“I think I’d let you do whatever you wanted to me,” you tell him honestly, squeaking as he shifts under you to take you in his arms, slowly lowering you until your back meets the blanket.

His eyes are black and molten as he pulls back from you, lips furiously red from where they’d worked your skin over, “Don’t tempt me, lamb, or I might take you up on that offer.”

You spread your legs wide in response, fingers drumming against your skin from his lack of touch, pussy aching in need.  Jeongguk lets out a slow breath as he finally sheds himself of his clothes, your mating necklace getting caught in his shirt before he pulls it free and lets it fall back against his skin, complimenting his completed tattoo.

“So good for me,” he praises, kissing his way down your body.

Jeongguk appears to have no patience, immediately diving into your pussy like he’ll die without another minute of it on his tongue.

“Fuck!” you cry out, thighs clamping around his head at the sudden feeling, and his strong hands pry them apart and hold them to the blanket, keeping you open for him.

Your eyes roll back as he delves his tongue into you, eagerly licking and sucking any part of your pussy his mouth can reach.  He’s neglecting your clit with his tongue, but his nose brushes against it continuously and its enough to have you fucking your hips up into his face to get more pressure on it.

“Be a good girl and stay still,” he growls, one hand letting go of your thigh to throw his arm across your hips and hold you down, “Gonna get you nice and wet for my cock but… it looks like you did a good enough job of that for me.”

You groan and nod your head, “Want you so bad, Guk, been thinking about your cock all day.”

You can feel him grin into your pussy, which shouldn’t be as hot as it is, before he says, “Don’t worry, I’ll give it to you.”

He’s been fucking you with his fingers all week, so when presses one slowly into you to test the stretch, you’re quick to ask for another.  And then immediately another.

“So greedy,” he tuts, but doesn’t argue as he presses three fingers into you, watching with rapt attention as your back arches at the sensation.

It’s addictive, the way Jeongguk moves and crooks his fingers inside of you, tongue finally lapping against your clit in order to relax you more.  With his arm still holding your hips down, you take to clutching at his hair to move his tongue in a way you like and he lets you guide him, humming against your skin as you clench around his fingers.

When he finally pulls away you whine your dissatisfaction, eyelashes fluttering open as Jeongguk crawls up your body, his chin wet and glistening in the candle light.  You huff as you wipe it off, arm linking around his neck after.

“I was gonna cum,” you pout, accepting his light kiss.

“Oops,” he shrugs, smirking, and you smack his shoulder, pulling him back into you.

You could kiss Jeongguk for hours, tongues stroking together as your hands explored.  You especially like touching his back, the muscles taunt and defined under your hands as he presses his body against yours.  You both moan as his cock nudges into the wet mess that is your pussy, Jeongguk pulling away with a wet smack and a nip at your lower lip.

“I want to have sex like this,” he tells you, laying his palm against your cheek, “I want to watch your face.”

It’s almost embarrassing to think about, but you can’t help but echo his sentiment and the two of you shuffle for a few seconds, Jeongguk planting his knees more steadily into the ground as your thighs bracket his hips.  That nervous flutter starts up in your stomach as Jeongguk presses the head of his cock against your slit, rubbing it slowly against you as he himself seems to gather his nerves.

Jeongguk holds onto cock as he leans back down over you, pressing his mouth reassuringly against yours as he slowly pushes in, your mouth dropping open as he fills you.

You’ve taken cock before, but it had always been quick trysts with men who didn’t care about you, usually with you half clothed and pushed up against a wall, your own fingers rubbing your clit to give you something as they chased their own orgasms.  There had been some girls you had fucked, pussies wet as you rubbed them together, and there had even been a sweet, traveling woman who had buried her face in your cunt for a few hours and worked your pussy raw.  She had pulled the best orgasms out of you until you cried, but then she had disappeared like a ghost and left you aching for days.  Most people didn’t acknowledge you after, unless they wanted to get their rocks off again, and you had gone with it because you had your own needs to fill too.

Jeongguk is not most people and you can feel the tears gathering in your eyes as he pushes his cock in until his pelvis meets yours.  He’s dropped his head to place his forehead against your collarbone, breath ragged as he finally comes to a halt, body quivering as you clutch onto his shoulders.

“Okay?” he asks, voice deep but quiet, “Hurt?”

“I need a sec,” you whimper, trying to relax around the intrusion and he grants you it, keeping you close as he peppers kisses across your skin.

The throbbing in your pussy changes from uncomfortable to needy as he cock pulses in you and you finally rub your nose against his neck and whisper for him to start moving.

Jeongguk takes a shuddering breath as he slowly pulls his cock out and inches it back in, fingers creating indents on your hip as you clench around him, trying to adjust to the feeling.  His thrusts help, loosening your body up as the pain ache transforms into spikes of pleasure.

“Feels good,” you whine, loosening your hold on his shoulders and letting him pull out of your neck, “Gukkie, feels good.”

You smile up at him as his eyes open, before they widen considerably.  His minuscule thrusts stop and you fear the worst, raising a hand to his face.

“What?  What is it?” you worry, trying to turn your head to see if maybe something’s happening and you see-

You see your hair spread around you with the strands glowing against the blanket.  You gasp, raising a hand to pinch some of the powder off your hair to see it coat your fingers, glowing a translucent blue against your skin.

“Y/N,” Jeongguk whispers shakily, reaching a hand up to touch the crown that had fallen onto the blanket when he laid you down, “the flowers… they’re glowing.”

Jeongguk’s right, your hair is glowing and the rest of your body is starting to glow too, where fern powder has fallen onto your skin all day.

“You’re-you’re glowing and that means your- that means we-” Jeongguk’s lower lip is starting to wobble and he can’t finish his sentence, dipping his head to let it rest in your neck again, “Y/N.”

You cry with him, clutching tightly onto Jeongguk as the message the Moon Goddess sent you sets in; Jeongguk and you are true mates.  It doesn’t sound real, as you sob into Jeongguk’s shoulder, and you don’t feel any different than you did ten minutes ago.  But fern flowers don’t randomly glow, especially not after they’ve been plucked, and not coincidentally on your mating day after giving the Moon Goddess your thanks.

Jeongguk kisses you, a messy thing of tears and spit as he undulates his hips, framing your face as he sets the pace.  You can make out faint murmurings of it’s you as Jeongguk tongues you, pelvis pressed against yours as he grinds against you.  The pressure is almost too much, the hard plains of his lower stomach pressing tantalizingly against your clit as you open around his cock.

His pace turns more frantic, pulling his hips back farther and farther, spearing you on his cock more and more as his hands roam your torso.

“Pretty girl, my pretty girl,” he groans, licking a thick stripe up your neck as your legs tighten around him, overcome with the feeling, “So wet, feel so good around my cock.”

You nod in quick agreement, hands slipping down his back as he starts to sweat, “Guk, touch me, please.”

You cry out as his fingers toy with your clit, tears gathering in your eyes, carding your fingers through his hair.  Your orgasm is fast approaching and Jeongguk seems hellbent on sending you over the edge fast.

“Yes, yes, Gukkie, so close,” you pant, having trouble keeping your eyes open.

“Gonna look so good around my knot,” he grunts, the pressure of his fingers turning deadly and you cry at the feeling, “Gonna knot you so good you’ll feel it for days.  This is the only knot you’ll ever need, the only knot you’ll ever want, got that?” his voice turns into a growl and you openly sob.

“Only ever want you, Guk- gonna- gonna-!”

You throw your head back as all sounds get caught in you throat, back taunt as you arch it, Jeongguk fucking you through your orgasm as his fingers don’t slow.  It’s so good, consuming your entire body as it locks up until all you can feel is it and Jeongguk.

“Baby, look so good like this.  God, I’m so lucky.  Gonna bust- gonna knot-”

Jeongguk stops talking, leaning down to clamp his teeth around your neck.  You don’t even flinch at the feeling, your body thrumming from your orgasm.  There is a sort of warmth in your heart at knowing that once Jeongguk leaves his bite claim it’s official by shifter standards, that you and Jeongguk are mated for life.

You gasp as you feel the initial swelling, Jeongguk biting harder in tandem as his knot grows.  You’ve never slept with a shifter before and the swelling, despite being aware of it, is not something you’re quite prepared to take.  You whine as it continues to swell, Jeongguk growling around his mouthful of your skin as his thrusts slow down as it locks you two in place.

You squeeze your eyes shut as Jeongguk begins to cum and bites through your skin, pain erupting along with it.

“Oh fuck, fuck,” Jeongguk grunts, licking at your neck before he throws his head back and howls, body twitching in your hold.

There’s… a lot.  It feels like Jeongguk cums for a minute straight, panting heavily into the air before he lets his full body weight fall on top of you.  You wheeze but don’t fight it, pressing your nose into his temple as you breathe together.  Jeongguk licks periodically at your bite wound as your breathing evens out and your heartbeats return to normal.

“I can’t believe it,” Jeongguk finally whispers, “How would I get so lucky?  To meet my true mate through a voluntary offering.”

His words bring tears to your eyes again.  It does seem too good to be true, to have been ostracized from your community only to have that ostracism lead to your volunteering at Jeongguk’s Lottery.

Jeongguk raises his head to meet your eyes and he’s wearing a dopey smile, brushing his fingers over the crown of flowers.

“You’re still glowing,” he whispers, eyes bright and shiny in the candlelight.

“Cut it out, I’m gonna cry,” you hiccup, trying to pull Jeongguk down to kiss you, but he resists, testing the pull of his hips.

His knot has gone down enough that he’s able to pull out, but he quickly plunges his fingers into you.  You go to protest, but the words die in your throat as he gazes very seriously up at you.

“Y/N,” he sounds just as serious, “I just- I love you.”

You reach out and punch his shoulder and he rears back, more out of shock than actual pain, “Ow!  What the hell!”

“You can’t say that to me when you’ve got your fingers in me like that!” you protest, though his words have sent your heart spiraling.

“I didn’t want to let the cum out yet,” he says, pouting like the ridiculous idiot he is.

You open your mouth to say something, but he leans in and softly kisses you, finally removing his fingers so he can hold you by your waist.

“I just wanted you to know,” he says, shameless and honest, “I don’t expect you to say it if you don’t feel it.”

You feel a lot for Jeongguk, but you’re not sure if that feeling is love or not, so you keep it to yourself for now.  Jeongguk doesn’t seem offended, if the sweet kisses he continues to give you mean anything.  He places a hand on your cheek to tilt your head and you hiss as it pulls the stiff skin of your neck.

Jeongguk grins as he pulls from kissing your mouth to kissing your neck, the attention alleviating some of the pain.

“We have the clearing all to ourselves,” Jeongguk murmurs against your skin and you hum in acknowledgement, letting him slowly guide you back down on the blanket, “Let’s lay here for a bit, yeah?  I wanna take my time with you.”

“Guk…” you start off and he looks up at you, raising a quizzacle eyebrow, “... thank you.”

He doesn’t ask for what.  You both already know, can both feel it when he raises up to kiss you again, with the intention of taking advantage of all the time you guys have left.  Which is forever.

[bard-llama]

WiP Wednesday: Love Breeds Love Isendain Edition

So, I have a porny universe called Love Breeds Love where the premise is that settlements across the Northern Kingdoms are being founded with the intent to save the elven race from extinction.

Now, for Iorveth and Roche, we discover that the settlement they're living in (Aiseirigh meaning rebirth/resurrection) is dedicated to doing this through accepting half-elves and creating more half-elves, because humans are very good at breeding. This means adjusting their culture as they share it, because half-elves and humans have their own experiences they're bringing to the settlement.

For some elves, that is simply not acceptable. They don't want human blood to taint their 'purity'. So they commit to working with elven couples to make babies. Their birth rate is much lower, but they argue that their product is better. (For the record: when you hear this kind of rhetoric, run. It's VERY eugenicist and suuuuuper racist).

Isengrim and Eldain both find themselves at one of the latter settlements (which I haven't named yet oops). They don't arrive together, though. In fact, they hadn't expected to see each other at all, though it's nice to see that rumors of each other's deaths were greatly exaggerated.

Because of the way I've made elven biology work, it's really important for the volunteers at this pure elven settlement choose a partner and really get to know them, get comfortable with them. This increases their chances of conception actually happening. I haven't actually decided if only one or both get pregnant, but they did decide to have some 'practice sex', to ensure their comfort. XD

I'll stick a bit of the WiP under a cut, but the really fun thing about this 'verse (aside from literally just being an excuse for breeding kink) is that the two settlements have to actually MEET at some point. At which point, rorveth and isendain discover each other and have a variety of reactions.

'cause see, Eldain doesn't like humans and he doesn't trust humans. He's made that mistake before and he refuses to do it again. So he is perfectly happy with the idea of living amongst elves and never having contact with a filthy human again.

But life isn't that easy and Isengrim and Iorveth are still old friends, though it's definitely awkward at first. But over time, Roche becomes the first human that Eldain actually feels comfortable around and they become bros. They most definitely bond over being feral raccoon disasters while their partners are fancy shmancy proper and polished types lmao. Oh, also, Iorveth and Eldain may both be musicians, but they despise each other's genres XD

I mentioned that this universe was just an excuse to write porn, right? So I've got a whole arc planned for isendain to meet up and bond with rorveth, but first, they all gotta get bred, 'cause that's the premise of the 'vese lmao. So this first isendain fic is the set up - establishing the settlement, getting them together, going through the breeding ceremony, etc. The sex is unfortunately fighting me during the 'practice sex' stage, but eventually, this will be a nice, long smutty piece. For now, though, here's them actually meeting again.

He’d arrived at the settlement alone, responding to a notice on saving the elven race, and he’d been astonished at how many people had actually shown up to do this. Of course, out of the thirty elves that had come to be bred, only a small portion would actually be able to conceive.

Eldain swallowed, wondering if he’d be one. He wasn’t sure if he was hoping that he would or that he wouldn’t, honestly, but hell, he was already here. He couldn’t back out now.

Which meant he had to find himself a partner. The notice had specified that single volunteers were welcome along with couples that were willing to conceive, but the first thing the elf who greeted him when he’d arrived had said was, “pick someone and get to know them. The actual breeding will not begin until this evening, but it’s important that you spend some time with your partner and become comfortable with them.”

Eldain had nodded, aware that feeling safe and comfortable was essential for elves to produce viable eggs and for them to be able to conceive. But he hadn’t realized just how many people there were and how daunting trying to choose one stranger out of two dozen would be.

So when he spotted the scarred man with dark hair that stood about two inches above everyone else, Eldain’s first emotion was relief. In more than one way, because this was someone he actually knew, but also, he’d heard that the other elf was dead. Of course, they’d likely heard the same about him, so Eldain shook himself and strode towards the famed Iron Wolf.

When he got closer, it became apparent that he was not the only one who had recognized Isengrim Faoiltiarna, because several other elves were circled around him, trying to persuade him to pick them.

The feeling in Eldain’s stomach was not jealousy, nor was it disappointment. It wasn’t like Isengrim was likely to choose him amongst all these choices. Hell, when they’d met in the past, he’d gotten the impression that Isengrim tolerated him at best.

Nodding to himself, he spun on his heels to find someone else to partner with when Isengrim apparently spotted him and called his name, a little bit desperately.

He couldn’t exactly walk away now, so Eldain turned back and walked up to Isengrim and his pursuers, forcing a friendly smirk onto his face. “Hey,” he started to say when Isengrim grabbed his shoulders and pulled him close in an overly familiar hug. Before he could say anything, Isengrim murmured in his ear.

“If you pick me, I swear I will owe you a favour of your choosing,” Isengrim’s low voice growled and Eldain shivered, Isengrim’s breath tickling over his exposed skin.

Pick Isengrim? Sure, twist his arm. That had, after all, been his initial intent. But he wasn’t sure why Isengrim was asking when Isengrim was the one with the pick of the place.

“Yeah, all right,” Eldain shrugged, trying to exude casualness. He was obviously just doing this for the favour. No other reason. “Shall we find somewhere to chat, then? Apparently we’re supposed to get to know each other.”

The look of sheer relief on the Iron Wolf’s face was strange to be on the receiving end of. But Isengrim slipped his arm through Eldain’s, immediately pulling them away and guiding the pair towards the garden.

Eldain looked around, mildly impressed. For a new settlement, these organizers were doing a pretty good job and getting it up and running.

Which made sense, given they were hoping that this event would culminate with many pregnant elves.

“So,” Eldain drawled, surprised by how much he liked the feeling of Isengrim’s fingers against the crook of his arm. “Seems like you’re a big hit.”

Isengrim’s nose wrinkled in a strangely adorable expression and Eldain bit his lip against a smile. “Apparently there is potential acclaim in having the Iron Wolf’s child. Even though, as I understand it, the point of this event is not about genetics as much as just…”

“Conception?” Eldain offered, and Isengrim nodded, frowning. “So why choose me? Do I not get the same acclaim?”

Isengrim snorted, “you have your own acclaim. Though, speaking of, I’d heard you were dead?”

“Likewise. It was a close ‘almost’,” Eldain shrugged, trying not to let the memories flood through him. He cleared his throat instead. “And you?”

Isengrim made a face, “believe it or not, I owe my survival to a human.”

“You’re kidding.”

The Iron Wolf shook his head, looking every bit as imposing now standing in an early-stage gardener’s plot as he had commanding Scoia’tael into battle.

Eldain licked his lips. Sure, he may have his own ‘acclaim’ in the form of a brutal reputation that was based mostly on real events, but there would always be something majestic about the Iron Wolf that people like Eldain could never match.

“Well, I doubt either of us want to talk more about that,” he said, jerking his gaze away from Isengrim’s face and continuing their walk through the garden. “So, what have you been up to?”

“Oh, you know,” Isengrim shrugged casually, “fighting, assassinating kings, that kind of thing.”

Eldain blinked, gaze landing on Isengrim again. Isengrim had a little smirk on his face, like he was enjoying Eldain’s reaction, but there was no sign that he wasn’t telling the truth.

“Wow, and here I thought I was doing well with my best kill being a duke,” Eldain joked, smiling back at Isengrim.

Isengrim tossed back his head and laughed, deep, rumbling sounds that felt at home settling in Eldain’s chest. Weird.

“What about you?” Isengrim asked after his laughter had passed. “What’s keeping you busy these days?”

“Eh, I’ve been working as a merc,” Eldain said, wondering if Isengrim would judge him. It was always hard to predict with Scoia’tael – some thought fighting for money was horrific and some thought it was sensible. He didn’t know what Isengrim thought.

“Oh? Around Aedirn?”

“All over,” Eldain shrugged. It had taken him about a year to be ready to return to Aedirn after everything with fucking Queen Meve. She was a perfect example of why humans could never be trusted. Ever.

He swallowed hard. “So, what do you think about this event?”

Isengrim huffed a soft laugh. “At my age, I kinda figured my chances of having a child were pretty slim. But…”

“Yeah,” Eldain nodded, understanding the unspoken reason. How could they not, when the very fate of their species lay in peril?

“But you’re pretty young, aren’t you?” Isengrim asked him. “Is this your first time doing this?”

Eldain hummed, pondering exactly how much older Isengrim was. The Iron Wolf had lived pre-humanity, Eldain knew that much. Most of the Scoia’tael commanders had been older elves that had been born before the Conjunction of the Spheres. Eldain had been unusual in gaining his command, but none of the elder elves ever had the balls to take on the Moulderwoods, so it had fallen to Eldain and all the younger elves who had been born there. Not that there were many of them left anymore, not after...

Eldain shook himself. If he kept thinking about his old command and his old home, he was either going to scream or cry, so he very pointedly redirected his thoughts to his companion.

Isengrim looked – pretty great, actually, for someone who was supposed to be dead. But then, Eldain wasn’t entirely sure it was possible for the Iron Wolf to look anything but gorgeous and commanding and in control.

“So, Isengrim,” he enunciated Isengrim’s name clearly and Isengrim cocked an eyebrow, one that was split by the scar that spanned across his nose. It was kind of beautiful. “What do we need to know about each other to be able to comfortably fuck?”

Isengrim choked slightly at him being so blatant about it, but seriously, they were at a breeding event. There was nothing un-crass about this whole thing.

“Well,” Isengrim cleared his throat. “Um, I guess… I have no idea,” he said after a long moment. “Um, maybe preferences, I guess?”

Eldain snorted, “feels like an icebreaker question. ‘Hi, I’m Eldain and I prefer men.’”

“Any man?” Isengrim’s eyebrow arched again. “Or specifically one who can put a brat like you in their place?”

Eldain’s breathing hitched and his exhale was shaky. “That helps,” he managed to say, and Isengrim’s mouth twitched into a smirk. “And what does the Iron Wolf prefer?”

Isengrim’s nose wrinkled again, clearly uncomfortable with his moniker in this context. Eldain made a note of that. “Apparently,” Isengrim said slowly, “my type is bratty musicians.”

Blinking, Eldain took a moment to process that, then grinned widely, bowing and flourishing his hand in front of him. “At your service.”

Isengrim laughed again, shaking his head. “What kind of music do you play, anyway? All the rumors said was ‘former musician’.”

Eldain tsked, “really, Isengrim, don’t you know better than to believe rumors?” Isengrim rolled his eyes and Eldain laughed. “Mostly, I play the lute and the fiddle, though I know several other instruments. I’m a modern musician, none of that classical shit.” He shut his mouth, abruptly realizing that Isengrim had been alive when those ‘classics’ were new, and may have been attached to them.

Fortunately, Isengrim just chuckled. “You’d probably get along terribly with my ex. He’s very much a classicist.”

“Oh?

“Played with symphonies and stuff, way back,” Isengrim said, a soft smile on his face that Eldain knew wasn’t for him.

He cleared his throat, looking away from Isengrim’s face. It wasn’t as if he was in love with Isengrim or anything, but it still hurt a little bit to be reminded that this was all to save their species. Isengrim had chosen him, sure, and that was an honor. But it was nothing more than sex. He needed to remember that.

Swallowing hard, Eldain forced a smile on his face. “Bet I’m a better musician,” he taunted, and Isengrim laughed again.

“You might be,” Isengrim conceded. “Would you play for me?”

Blinking in surprise, Eldain looked back at Isengrim. The smile on his face was different now, not like he was thinking of a past love, but like it was intended for Eldain.

This time, he swallowed down an entirely different emotion. “Yeah,” he managed to say. “Um, lemme–” he cleared his throat again, cursing himself for leaving his lute with his stuff in the room the organizers had given him.

Isengrim licked his lips and suggested, “I could come with you.”

“Uh, sure,” Eldain shrugged, wondering why he felt like a teenager bringing a boy home for the first time.

Isengrim’s smile widened, and he stepped up to curl his hand around Eldain’s elbow again. Eldain bit his lip against his own smile, leading them towards the rooms for volunteers.

[makeste]

literally just a giant post of Bakugou faces.

today, 4/20 (actually it is very much still only 4/19 over here, but to heck with it, we’re getting an early start dammit), is Bakugou Katsuki’s birthday. and as someone who loves Bakugou and who also hasn’t found much worth rejoicing about in April 2020 in general, it’s important to me to celebrate the shit out of this day. but these are strange times and I am le tired, and so what my tired brain ended up arriving at was “just do a post about how much you love his stupid face.”

so these are my favorite Bakugou faces. I stopped after Kacchan vs. Deku because this post was already like 100k words (slight exaggeration) with like 40,000 faces (slight), and because this already took forever and the next 130-something chapters were only going to have about one fifth as many good faces compared to the first 120, even though there are some good ones there still to be sure. but anyway, so there are no spoilers here. 

happy birthday Kacchan, and happy birthday to Kacchan’s angsty side profile with his hair covering his eyes.

why I like it: he scured.

lol but seriously. because up until this point he’s just been a complete asshole. even after he gets grabbed by sludgeman, he’s all “AS IF I’D LET THIS MUDMAN TAKE MY BODY FOR HIMSELF”, and he’s all feral-looking, and at first you’re like “eh he’ll be fine.” but then along comes this panel to serve as our narrator saying “he was not fine.” because he really is not. and on the page before this too, you can see how tired and desperate his struggles are starting to get. and absolutely no one is trying to help him. and he’s fighting, he’s straining, but he can’t. fucking. breathe.

and then this panel. and he’s just a kid. he looks so very, very young here, like this is the youngest he looks throughout the entire series except for in his flashbacks, and it’s because all the pride and bluster and anger are stripped away and he’s just a boy underneath it and he’s scared. “you looked like you needed saving.” exactly. exactly. and for Katsuki to actually ask for help is so rare. so you know that when he does ask (and he absolutely was begging for someone to come help him even though he couldn’t vocalize it. credit to Horikoshi for conveying all of that emotion in a single panel), he really, really needs it. thankfully there was one person watching who finally snapped himself out of that “a hero’s bound to come along soon” mindset that had everyone else gripped, and realized that he needed to be that hero.

why I like it: because he’s humiliated and fairly shaken up and also the most handsome he’s looked up until this point, but most of all he’s just chewing his lip and being all “god fucking dammit did fucking Deku really just save me, fuck my life, why is the universe fucking dumb.” like even after this hugely traumatizing experience, he’s incredibly resilient to the point where after he calms down, his lingering emotions are mainly just “smdh this is a new level of irritated even for me.” he is so brave and thickheaded and tough and absurdly, ridiculously petty jesus christ.

why I like it: like the old man said. his face just screams “I’m a rotten thief.”

there’s so much personality in this one expression. and then it’s juxtaposed against proto!Katsuki who I really desperately just want to punch in the face. just. my son my be a dick, but by god he’s an honest dick.

why I like it: baby?? cute baby??? mine?? my baby?!?

he’s just like. “I got it all figured out. gosh I’m so good at life.” that is the face of a child who has never encountered a single difficulty in his very young existence. everything is easy and he expects to be good at everything and he always is and he’s so, so pleased with himself. with a kid that little you really don’t want to go and shatter their dreams just yet, but maybe someone should have taken him down just a peg or two before it all got out of hand. alas. he was so cute that nobody wanted to and I can’t even blame them because he’s just that fucking cute, though.

why I like it: this is a very underrated panel which I think most people probably don’t even recall. it’s from chapter 11 just after he loses to Deku and Iida, and specifically right after Momo just completely lays into him and explains in vivid detail exactly how stupid every single one of his decisions was lmao. and it’s like he’s just had his eyes opened. he talks about her speech later, too, so it clearly had an impact.

there is no pride here at all. initially when I was reading this, I thought he was still shell-shocked. but looking back at it, and knowing what I do now about his unexpected willingness to accept criticism (something I certainly wouldn’t have expected during my first readthrough of this chapter), I think this is also a genuine “!” face as he realizes that she’s completely fucking right. YOU DONE GOOFED SON. but it’s okay because he learned from it!

also look how big his eyes are. when they get all wide like that. it’s so rare that I have to appreciate each and every time it happens. also he has no right to have such thick eyelashes. goddammit.

why I like it: because he’s strongest at his moment of weakness! because he’s upset but he learned from it! because he is such a strikingly human character with such complex emotions and there’s such a lovely mix of them on display here and that shit is my weakness! because this is when I signed the adoption papers (well, had them finalized after I initially obtained them after the “you looked like you needed saving” face in chapter 1, at least)!! because he always cries in front of Deku and doesn’t get embarrassed, but then he does get embarrassed if anyone else shows up! because his emotions around Deku are so raw and out of control! because the intensity of them is as compelling as it is confusing! but mostly because someone showing fierce determination while simultaneously showing intense vulnerability is basically the cheat code to unlocking my heart, and also the best thing anyone can ever draw in a shounen manga. thank you I’ll take infinity of them.

why I like it: because half of 1-A saw this face and instantly thought “fuck that’s hot” and then went “!! oh fuck me” but it was too late! that’s right kids. even knowing firsthand what a trashpile he can be, you’re still not immune to his charms. that confidence, though.

why I like it: the face of a boy who has just realized that holy shit, there are other people in his class. nothing gets past him. his reflexes are too fast.

why I like it: the slow motion (this is such a cool moment even if it’s at his expense lol), and the fact that this is such a weird and totally unique expression, and yet he somehow almost manages to make it look good. actually he does make it look good, let’s be real. of course, this was back when Horikoshi had more time to roll up his sleeves and really get into the art. look at all that shading goddamn.

why I like it: he cares!! he has feelings!! he has concern about someone other than him omfg whaaaaaat.

he’s so unsettled by what he just heard about Todoroki. the guy who was so strong and cool turned out to have an absolutely horrifying shounen protagonist past that he never let on about. honestly this scene is one of the reasons why I’m so strongly in favor of not interpreting Katsuki’s parents as abusive; because I just really like the character arc of him actually having a pretty good childhood, all things considered, but still having all these problems. because sometimes people actually do have everything going for them and yet they still screw up, because people are only human and sometimes you can fuck up (or be fucked up) even on easy mode! and if that happens it doesn’t mean you’re any more to blame, or more worthy of derision or scorn, or that you already had your chance so screw you, or any of that! anyway so that’s just such an interesting and relatively rare thing to explore and so I like it.

anyway. so just, the idea of him thinking of Todoroki as someone who had it made all his life, only to realize that’s not actually the case at all and that he’s actually the privileged one in comparison, just makes for a really great character-building moment. it’s a really big wake up call for him, especially given that he’s so often just wrapped up in himself and his own concerns still at this stage of the game. and it’s a moment that has a lasting impact on him and that he doesn’t forget, and it helps contribute to him starting to learn more empathy.

why I like it: my child is rabid please help.

but he’s so happy to have Ochako prove to be such an unexpectedly worthwhile opponent. she was sneaky and she nearly got him and he only just made it out by the skin of his teeth and fuck yes, that was awesome. he was really ready to throw down some more with her and it was gonna be the highlight of his fucking day. I just love seeing him acknowledge other people’s strength, because we know the value he places on being strong. so that’s a ton of respect from him, and Ochako fucking earned it, and this is just a great moment.

why I like it: just casually spittin facts and launching ships. nothing to see here move along.

why I like it: for everyone reblogging that one scene of shoujou!Bakugou from the anime over and over again, I just want to remind you all that as great as that scene is, we shouldn’t forget that in the manga he can be effortlessly handsome without even trying.

why I like it: as I said above.

why I like it: another one of the infamous “haah!?” faces. whenever he does these that one raised-eyebrow eye always goes so wide, and even though he’s trying to look like a pissed off thug it always makes him look surprisingly young instead.

also I’m not crazy for seriously wondering if Horikoshi’s art peaked all the way back in the sports festival arc though, right?? you honestly can’t find a bad panel even if you specifically go out and look for them.

why I like it: babyyyy.

I still don’t get how anyone could watch this scene and not get that he was way more upset than he was actually angry. he looks like he’s about to cry honestly.

why I like it: MY PRECIOUS SON’S ANGELIC SLEEPING FACE. all tuckered out. he’s had a hard day.

but seriously when you smooth out all of the >:O it is amazing how young he actually looks though. this one panel is shaded in such a way that you can see that he still has baby fat in his cheeks!! he’s just a little boy! HE IS A LITTLE CHILD LIKE THE REST OF THEM AND YOU MADE HIM PARTICIPATE IN THESE HUNGER GAMES AND HE KICKED ASS AND THEN GOT SAD AND YOU MADE HIM SLEEP AND CHAINED HIM TO A POST WHEN HE WOKE UP ANGRY AND TRYING TO BITE PEOPLE. anyways what a whirlwind of events huh.

why I like it: this child is literally trembling. he has been shaken to his very core. also for real though how did Jeanist even do that. anyways great internship or greatest internship.

why I like it: this is from chapter 60, right after he basically declares war on Deku and says he’ll crush him during final exams. then he turns around and is just like AND LET’S NOT FORGET THIS ASSHOLE HERE!!! and his eyes are practically bulging out and Todoroki just has his trademark “!!!” totally blank stare. this panel fully kills me guys.

why I like it: how was he THE CUTEST CHILD WHO EVER LIVED?? look at his little fists?! I can’t even deal with this???

why I like it: I actually like this one even more than the more iconic “the strongest heroes always win in the end” panel right below it, because in this panel you can more clearly see that he was crying quite a lot (he was only six!!), but it seems to me that it was more because of the unfairness of it than because he was hurt. even though he was hurt. but these jerks bumped into him and then acted like it was his fault, and it was two against one and he was much younger than them and IT’S JUST ROUGH YOU GUYS! LIFE IS HARD WHEN YOU’RE SIX! but he’s a little tough guy though so he scrubs the tears away in this very clumsy and boyish fashion because HE WON ANYWAY SO TAKE THAT! he is so little but already so determined.

why I like it: his eyes are just so intense all the time. even when it’s not an intense moment at all. also the dot shading here is so cool.

why I like it: okay so technically it’s the back of his head and not his face. but I feel like the fact that Kacchan was twitching and flinching and shaking too doesn’t get enough attention in this scene. he and Todo were both wigging out here and I love it. during the third light novel he also gets freaked out by the whole Disney Channel “we were telling a ghost story but now it seems like the story has come to life” plot that goes on at one point, just fyi. Kacchan is absolutely that kid who will refuse to watch scary movies just because “they’re dumb” and definitely NOT because he is scared, how fucking dare you sir.

why I like it: because this is the first of many scenes in this arc and the next arc in which he is freaking out but doing an excellent job of covering it up with his natural ferocity. he and Shouto have just come across one of their classmates’ arms lying in the middle of the path being chewed on by a villain in a straitjacket. his first reaction is to ask Shouto which of their classmates had been out on the path in front of them. he has immediately put two and two together, and he is immediately ready to throw hands with this dude, rules or no rules. but you can see the shading over his eyes though, and I think that -- along with the sweat visible on his face -- is a huge indicator of how horrifying this actually is to him.

why I like it: because this blank “processing...” expression that he sometimes gets when a lot of people are talking at once and he’s not really sure but he is pretty sure that he doesn’t like where this is heading, is my favorite.

why I like it: because even now it’s still ambiguous just what exactly was the prevailing emotion in these eyes and this expression, and the prevailing sentiment behind the “stay back.” I happen to think it was fear! not the same overwhelming, helpless fear as the 14-year-old who was caught up in the sludge, but a very on-edge, controlled-panic fear of a 16-year-old who’s trying to remain in control because he’s a hero in training now. and I think the “stay back” is the “stay back” of a boy who knows the look in that other boy’s eyes, and knows that it’s no use this time. it’s not protective, and it’s not hostile or defensive either. it’s just... resigned. don’t do it, Deku. that could have been the last thing he ever said to him, and it was measured and brave even through his fear and I love him so much.

why I like it: this is one which has to be viewed in juxtaposition with the panel immediately above it lol. Tomura looks like he could literally stare a man to death with those crazy eyes, and Kacchan is comparison just looks so ridiculously young and small and out of his league. but he doesn’t crack. but his eyes are super wide and even the shadows underneath them are stressed almost to their breaking point. like I’m screwed I’m screwed I’m so goddamn fucking screwed oh shit. my baby, guh. this was such a fucking scary experience though for real??

why I like it: same deal as above lol. this whole situation just keeps getting worse and worse, and here he’s just probing for more information while simultaneously trying to buy himself more time to think of a miracle plan. there really isn’t much chance of him getting out of here unscathed at this point (or at least there wouldn’t have been if the heroes hadn’t shown up), but I don’t think he’s letting himself think about that yet. but I’m sure it’s there at the back of his mind all the same.

why I like it: this is my favorite Bakugou face ever. SO MANY EMOTIONS. All Might came to save him! his hero!! he beat the bad guys (or so they think for that brief moment anyway) and it’s all okay now! he was alone but now he’s not anymore and All Might is there! and he is relieved, and he actually lets his guard down to show it for just a split second! his lip is trembling! I don’t think he even realizes for a moment, and then he does, and he immediately goes all tough guy again and the moment is gone! but while it’s there! it’s so much! I have never so badly wanted to hug a fictional character in my life.

why I like it: don’t you think this person could one day inspire thousands of others. do you see this courage in those eyes. the way he pushes past fear and panic and fatigue. don’t think, don’t doubt. just win.

why I like it: by now you have probably detected a pattern of me liking all of the Kamino faces because he was going through so many emotions that for once the walls just couldn’t keep up. he always looks so much younger when he’s not making >: faces. everything just smooths out. I also like that Horikoshi never makes his expressions symmetrical; he almost always has one eye wider than the other, eyebrows doing different things, stuff like that.

also this is when he sees All Might’s true form for the first time, and you can just see it hit him like a punch to the gut. All Might weakened; All Might weakened because of him; All Might might lose (!?!); All Might might die???? Katsuki’s entire world is falling apart in an instant, and in this moment he’s just a little boy.

why I like it: it beginsss. the angstening.

he’s not even resisting the hand guiding him. none of his usual unruliness or general aura of barely-checked rage. he just looks tired. and completely lost in his own thoughts. which as we now know were not good. I cannot fucking believe we had to wait another 25 chapters after this to finally get this kid a damn hug.

why I like it: because Bakugou Mitsuki is fulfilling my (and dating sim!Momo’s) lifelong dream of ruffling Bakugou Katsuki’s (spiky yet fluffy!!) hair. and all he can do is just chew his lip and halfheartedly glare at her all “mooooooOOOOmmm.” he doesn’t even really look pissed off here (because it’s hard to be mad when someone is talking about how worried they were about you and how relieved they are that you’re safe now, especially when that someone is your mom who isn’t normally the type to be so open about this kind of stuff at all), just begrudgingly grumpy. and I swear to god his bottom lip is made of fucking rubber the way he moves it around, just look at it.

why I like it: those eyelashes though!?!? [grabs Katsuki by the shoulders and shakes him roughly] WHY ARE YOUR EYES SO PRETTY.

why I like it: this is right after he found out he flunked the license exam, and you can see how upset he is. obviously we now know that shortly thereafter he went and had a complete meltdown. and buddy if you keep grinding your teeth like that, your dentist is also going to have a meltdown.

and yet again Horikoshi manages to strike this uncanny balance between making him look pissed off and making him look like he’s trying very, very hard not to cry. he just failed, again. it’s like the whole world is screaming at him over and over again that he’s not hero material at all.

why I like it: because he drags Deku out to the middle of nowhere and is all “I know you have All Might’s power and we’re gonna fight”, and Deku protests, and you expect Kacchan’s reaction to be just about anything other than what it actually is. this is as close to pleading as Katsuki is ever going to get. he may not be drowning in sludge but he is still desperate.

why I like it: this may be the best Katsuki that Horikoshi has ever drawn.

why I like it: super ultra mega unpopular opinion: I like this panel even more than THE PANEL!! that follows shortly after it. I am a sucker for when Horikoshi does this thing where he shows Katsuki’s face from a side profile, and his eyes are covered by his hair so you can’t see his full expression, but you know it is something vulnerable because he only ever does this when Katsuki is trying to hide his vulnerability. I could make a whole separate post just about these hair-covering-eyes faces lol. but out of all of them this is my absolute favorite. I can hear Okamoto’s voice acting in my head just looking at it.

why I like it: because it is THE PANEL. he finally broke completely; he let the walls fall away; he couldn’t hide it any longer. he’s so unbelievably torn up about this; he hates himself for it and feels like a failure; he’s lost and doesn’t have the faintest idea how to find his path again. he ended the Symbol of Peace. he was weak and wrong, and Deku was strong and right, and he can’t even hate Deku for it anymore, he just wants to understand what it is that he keeps doing wrong, why it is that he keeps failing.

why I like it: it’s, uuuuuh, angst.

lol it’s funny because at the beginning of the series, it was always Deku who was always crying at the drop of a hat. and to be fair this is still true. but Katsuki also cries way more than I would ever expect a rival character in a shounen manga to cry. and specifically he has cried every single time he’s had a dramatic and overly emotional altercation like this with Deku (and that’s three separate times now). is it because he’s always felt like he has less to hide around Deku? or because his Deku Emotions are so much more intense and volatile than his other emotions? at any rate, whatever it is, if this happens one more time (and I guarantee you it will too because A Certain Someone still hasn’t officially made an apology yet) he will officially lose all authority to ever call Deku out for being a crybaby again. meanwhile poor All Might will just be beside himself. I’m sorry dude, both of your children are just like this, you just gotta deal with it and accept their feelings.

why I like it: HE FINALLY GOT HIS HUG, BLESS.

and more hair covering his eyes! and chewing of the lip! and his head is bowed so much here, he fully allowed himself to be pulled into this hug and to accept this gesture of comfort for once in his life, just for a moment! after everything he was feeling, everything he was beating himself up over, All Might comes and tells him it’s not your fault. and there’s still so much guilt there, but he needs to hear this so badly that he accepts it all the same. meanwhile he is also CRYING AGAIN!? because this was the chapter where Horikoshi said “I am going to put all of the angst and cathartic conflict resolution into a single fight and it’s going to be the best thing ever” and it really was. do you even understand how much I love this. do you??

why I like it: OH GOSH I FORGOT ABOUT THIS, THIS IS MY OTHER FAVORITE KATSUKI HAIR-COVERING-EYES PANEL.

oh no. he’s ruffling his own spiky fluffy hair. he’s tired and he’s beat up (and whose fault is that lmao) and he’s learning all kinds of new things about himself today. he’s got basically nothing left in the tank, but for the first time in ages he has his path laid out in front of him again and he knows the way to start moving forward. he has been absolved of his guilt, the guilt which was eating a hole away inside of him. and all of a sudden he realizes -- it occurs to him -- hey, All Might finally admitted it, he really did give his power to Deku. but it’s still a secret though, isn’t it? it’s important, isn’t it? and so he tells them, hey, look, I get it, I won’t say anything, you don’t have to worry. it’s partially gratitude -- he owes so much to All Might and it’s ridiculous, that’s a fucking debt right there, and this is the least and only thing he can offer right now in return -- and it’s partially just... the right thing to do. like, common sense. honorable and shit. and it’s not like it’s a big deal or anything. but just, let them know.

I love his side profile so much and I love his hair and his ear and the scuffs on his face and his beaten up hand and his hunched up shoulders and him being soft and trying not to show how soft he’s being and he is precious.

BONUS:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY HANDS IN POCKETS GRUMPY TRIANGLE EYES ROVING FERAL HOG SON, I LOVE YOU.

[thespianbooks]

A Court of Nightmares and Starlight //Chapter 21//

Masterlist

(tags: @thron3ofbooks, @df3ndyr, @courtofjurdan, @art-e-mis, @herondamnn, @the-third-me, @im-still-trying-here, @emikadreams, @paytin77, @mis-lil-red, @sleeping-and-books, @lucieisabooknerd, @amandaraey-sunshine, @easy-p-lemon, @azymondias05, @dagypsygirl, @makeshift-utopia) *bold tags don’t work ;-;

Sorry this is later than usual folks! Busy schedule, but I’m determined to still post on Monday’s regardless!

XXX

I couldn't have been more elated than I was when Madja officially lifted my period of confinement and bedrest. Another couple of weeks flew by since receiving the news of Eris becoming the new High Lord of Autumn, and things were moving fast. After initially sending out invitations to our allies; directing them on where to send their armies and encouraging them and their entourages to come and stay in Velaris, the last thing I wanted was to be restricted to switching from my place in bed or ambling around the estate with little else to do while Rhys, Mor, and Clotho worked seamlessly to create adequate accommodations for our guests. Though we didn't have a palace like Thesan's to host them as he did for our summits, we had more than enough space for them with the guest suites I drew into the blueprints for the estate. However, neither Rhys nor Clotho allowed me to do anything while still in recovery—even when the first of the High Lords and their entourages began to arrive.

Helion was the first, with Thesan following only a couple of days later. With them being the closest to our court, they wasted no time in gathering their numbers and were in Velaris within days following their armies. They both marveled at how far along I was now, and especially at the impressively large mound my belly had grown to. Helion had cracked a joke about my size, which earned a protective growl from my mate and an earnest laugh from me. Thesan had been rather stunned and actually worried that I might go into labor at any given second; so, whenever we were in the same room, he watched me with wary eyes—afraid that any sudden movement might bring about the labor pains. He had reacted the same way with Viviane when she attended our last summit; using whatever resources he had at his disposal, like having every available midwife in the palace, in order to make sure she was comfortable and in case of emergency.

As our plans continued to move forward, I slowly and surely regained my strength with faithful reassurance from our healer that my health was flourishing. Finally, after an agonizing two weeks—where I grew more and more antsy and eager to jump into some kind of work, Madja announced that I was fully recovered and that I had officially entered the final stage of my pregnancy. With approximately two and a half months left, ending this coup was our crucial next step in preparing for our son. The last thing Rhys and I wanted was to welcome him into the world while simultaneously trying to quell the civil unrest in our court. With the threat having loomed over us since the beginning of my pregnancy and causing my mate and I great periods of stress and nearly cost us our son's life, ending Keir's act of tyranny would grant us the peace that was long ago stolen from us. Now that the end was in sight, I couldn't help but feel a sense of relief—knowing that our chances of a favorable outcome was just within our reach, and then we could shift our focus back onto welcoming our baby.

Madja's announcement had come just in time as well. Kallias and Viviane were due to finally arrive this afternoon, along with their newborn Eira. With Helion and Thesan well-adjusted and working closely with Rhys, Tarquin also having arrived just a few days ago, Kallias and Viviane were the last of our allies we would host—Tamlin and Eris remaining at their prospective courts for now but sending their contingencies of armies ahead of them. The Winter couple had wisely decided to wait the longest in order to allow the bond between them and Eira to calm. In her letters following Eira's birth, Viviane explained that while she was recovering from the ordeal, Kallias's mated instincts caused him to shelter her and Eira for nearly a month. They were also adjusting to their newborn daughter, and as mates, both of their instincts sent them into a frenzy—their innate urges compelling them to shelter their child. The first three months had been critical, Viviane explained, not only for her and Eira's recovery from the birthing process, but also in learning how to parent their daughter while their natural tendencies ruled them. Over those last three months, their compulsions slowly ebbed back into a sense of normalcy and they were able to integrate themselves back into civilization.

Rhys and I understood that level of vulnerability in a mated bond, having experienced it ourselves during my own convalescence. It only made us all the more grateful that they chose to side with us to end our dilemma, and it also provided a safe haven for Viviane and Eira. Viviane was nowhere near ready to fight three months postpartum, and since she and Kallias still couldn't be parted with each other for long, she and her baby would remain safe with me while Kallias and Rhys worked together with the other High Lords when the time for the confrontation finally came.

"Mind already abuzz this morning, Feyre darling?" Rhys purred in my ear; the arm thrown over my waist moving to pull me closer while we lay in bed.

I smiled, letting him bring me closer until my back was flush against the hard planes of his chest. I lazily checked to make sure my mental shields were intact, having just recently been able to keep them in place once again, while his lips drew a lazy line of kisses from my ear to the crook of my neck.

"How did you know?" I asked softly, turning my head into his.

"I don't need to read your mind in order to tell when you're excited, my love," he hummed.

My smile grew with a quiet laugh that quickly turned into a soft gasp as he rolled his hips into mine. I breathed his name, ready to reluctantly protest until he reminded me that with my lying-in suspended, we were clear to resume our bedroom activities—as promised between a private conversation with him and the healer. Another roll of his hips had me nodding eagerly at his silent request. Our joining was slow and gentle—Rhys taking me from behind at a leisurely pace. We took our time enjoying ourselves, delighting in being unhurried and reaching our peaks at staggered intervals.

"Now we can both greet the day with a better sense of ease." Rhys said as he nipped at my earlobe afterwards, his voice still deep and husky.

I laughed and turned onto my back to face him, resting a hand on my belly as I released a deep and relaxed sigh. "We're really going to be okay, aren't we?" I asked.

He placed a hand next to mine, running it up and down the expanse of my stomach gently. "Are you having doubts?"

I paused in thought. "I've just...been afraid. I know the situation isn't as dire as it was with Hybern, but the stakes still feel so much higher this time…"

"That's understandable," he said as he looked at my stomach. "This time you're pregnant, and we do have more to lose."

I frowned, tears swelling and threatening to fall before Rhys pressed a reassuring kiss to my brow. "But we are going to be okay, Feyre. I have promised you from the beginning that we would make it through this ordeal together, and we have. We're so close, and Keir will be dealt with. Then in a matter of months we'll be holding our son in our arms knowing his world is safer," he promised.

I blinked away my tears, Rhys brushing his thumb along my cheek gently. "I love you," I whispered.

He smiled and pressed a kiss to my lips this time. "I love you, Feyre," he said and moved to kiss the top of my stomach gently. "And I love you too, my son."

I loosed another long breath, allowing it to calm the last of my nerves as Rhys moved back to his place at my side. "Are you feeling well enough to have breakfast with the others?" He asked.

I nodded. "Should I scare Thesan by faking a few early labor pains?"

He threw his head back with a loud laugh. "You might just scare everyone, my love, including our friends who also heed your condition at all times," he answered.

I giggled and sighed dramatically. "That would be a little mean, wouldn't it?"

"Positively cruel, Feyre darling."

"All right, but I still want to find some way to torture Thesan, just a little bit."

Rhys laughed again before climbing out of bed, pulling me along with him as we began our routine in preparing for the day.

XXX

Eira was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen.

She was technically the only baby, human or high fae, that I had ever seen; yet I couldn't take my eyes off of her. Viviane and Kallias arrived promptly after lunch; Kallias having safely winnowed the three of them to the main port in Velaris, where Rhys and I happily greeted them. A sleeping Eira was wrapped up in swaddling blankets, tucked into her mother's arms and I noticed this time it was Viviane who looked wary of her surroundings rather than her mate. At the summit, Kallias had been the one on high alert—his feral intuition heightened as a natural reaction to protect his vulnerable mate. Now it seemed their roles were reversed.

While Viviane was more than glad to see me, and even delighted in how much my belly had grown over the months, she kept Eira close to her chest the entire time it took us to walk back to the estate. Even now, as the four of us were gathered in the largest guest suite we had, Viviane was perched on the settee, cradling the baby close as she nursed—Kallias and Rhys in the adjoining sitting room to allow them privacy.

"She's so tiny," I breathed, marveling as I watched the small bundle in her arms.

Viviane brightened. "She's actually a lot bigger than when she was first born," she said, touching her youngling's pale rounded cheek.

I stared as Eira let out a small groan in response to her mother's touch, continuing to suckle quietly. Her hair, as white as her parents, was a smooth and thin coating on her perfectly round head; her eyes as icy blue as Kallias's, while the rest of her features resembled Viviane exactly. She reminded me of the female's sister, who I had only seen a handful of times since the war. After recalling a conversation where the two mentioned their looks came from their family's strong lineage, it came as no surprise to see that Eira was a carbon copy of her mother.

"Does that hurt?" I asked.

"Nursing?" She shook her head when I nodded, "Not really. It took some time to adjust at first, but it's not exactly painful."

I brushed an idle hand along the expanse of my belly. "There's so much I don't know yet," I sighed.

She smiled reassuringly. "Don't worry Feyre, I had no idea what I was doing either. Right before the summit, I received a long lecture from my team of midwives on what to expect and how to care for her properly. I'm sure your healer is preparing to give you the same lesson."

I cringed. "She did say that starting at my next appointment she would be bringing along the midwife, her sister, now that I'm in the final weeks."

"Then you still have plenty of time to learn," she said. "How are you feeling?"

I sighed again as I rested against the settee. "Still tired. I'm hungry almost every hour of the day, and my back is unbelievably sore by the end of the night."

She smiled empathetically. "Are you feeling more movements from him?"

I nodded. "All the time. He's very...energetic these days, especially when Rhys is in the room, which is often. He loves to kick and stretch," I rubbed a spot on my belly for emphasis. "He used to take naps, I think, but in the last week I'm pretty sure he's decided that he won't sleep again until he's born."

Her answering laugh was melodic, Eira's stunning blue eyes fluttering open in response to the sound. "He probably won't sleep then either. Kallias and I are lucky if we get a couple of hours now; it's gotten better in the last month, but at first it's rough adapting to her schedule."

I gulped as I stared at my stomach, wondering if Rhys and I would be tormented by lack of sleep. "I don't mean to scare you," Viviane giggled. "It just takes some time to become accustomed to a youngling that's all. Once you actually see him, hold him, and nurse him...your world will revolve around him." She explained, pulling Eira away from her breast and adjusting her top expertly before scooping the youngling back up into her arms as she patted her back gently.

I laughed as that patting elicited the tiniest burp I had ever heard. "I'm assuming that's part of the nursing process?"

Viviane nodded, "Oh yes. These little ones tend to get gassy, so we help them along."

I paused for a moment as I watched her kiss Eira's cheek, cradling her close, and I imagined how in only a matter of months I would be doing the same with my son.

"Since you're here...I know you said as much in your letters...but how bad is it really? Labor?" I asked timidly.

She smiled sheepishly before contemplating how to answer me. I knew the last thing she wanted to do was instill fear in me, but I also knew she would be honest.

"I'll tell you what my midwives told me: every female's experience is different. Just as our pregnancies might differ, so will our labor's. For me, while my cycles are less than pleasant and always excruciating, I managed to find a way to alleviate the pains over the centuries. Because of that, I thought my labor would be...manageable. Unfortunately, I was wrong. It was...the hardest thing I had to endure. The pain left me...disconnected, in some way," she paused as the memories came back to her. "But Kallias was there the whole time. He kept me grounded and helped me through it all to the very end. I don't know what I would've done without him,"

She reached over to grip my hand gently. "But Feyre, you shouldn't be scared. Your mate, your Rhysand, will be there with you every step of the way too. I've seen the bond between you two, the love you share, and I have no doubt that he'll guide you through it all no matter how smooth or brutal the process might be. Who knows, maybe with his daemati abilities he could…"

I shook my head. "I don't want him to numb me. I...I want to be able to go through it as every female has for centuries. His mother endured it twice, and I figure if she could do it, if you could, then so can I."

"Of course, Feyre, if that's what you want. You do whatever is right for you," she affirmed. "In all honesty though, with Rhysand at your side you have nothing to worry about, and at the end of it all you'll welcome your son into a safe home."

I squeezed her hand, "I hope so," I admitted. I didn't have to reiterate how unsettled the coup, the very reason why she and our other allies were gathered in Velaris, left me.

She, as a new mother herself, understood perfectly. "You will," she promised. "And then you'll get to hold your beautiful boy. Have you wondered what he might look like yet?"

The image of the Bone Carver came to mind. Of those violet-blue eyes that nearly resembled mine, while all his other features were completely and utterly Rhysand.

"He'll look like Rhysand, I just know it." I said as I caressed my stomach lovingly, earning a glimmer and kick in response.

Viviane warmed as she looked at Eira, who now peacefully slept in her arms. "I was so glad when I saw that she had Kallias's eyes. I had a feeling that with my lineage she would look like me, but I still hoped she might look at least a little like Kallias. She has his spirit too, at least so far," she smiled as she smoothed the hair on the younglings head. "And Kallias, he dotes on her so much already. She hardly cries; all she has to do is wrinkle her little brow and he scoops her up."

"They say you can't spoil them at this age, but I'm sure he will as the years go on," she said.

"As I should," came her mate's voice as he walked in the room with Rhysand at his side.

My mate winked at me as he entered the room, crossing over to my side at the same time as Kallias came to Viviane's.

"I doubt our friends in the Night Court will be any different, especially with their brood." Kallias said with a smirk at me, before checking on his sleeping daughter. I noticed his fingers twitch, as if he might pick her up, but Viviane's hold was unrelenting.

"Viviane's maternal instincts are very...formidable." Kallias suddenly said, realizing my mate and I must have noticed that he hadn't held his daughter at all since their arrival. "The midwives warned us that it relates to our primitive ways; that females tend to be overprotective of their younglings for the first few months."

I blinked, and Viviane smiled sheepishly. "Back at home I don't have a hard time letting him hold and change her, but I think it's because of the change in environment now that I'm struggling."

Rhys and I exchanged an astonished look and I shrugged. "Well at least you know I won't be purposefully refusing to let you hold our son," I offered.

He smirked. "Poor Mor will be doubly disappointed, as will everyone else."

"It'll only really be intense the first week, for both of you actually," Viviane said. "The mating bond will make you both sensitive to outside influence, similar to when the bond first clicked into place."

Kallias shifted uncomfortably at the mention of something so intimate, but Rhys nodded in understanding. "We'll be in the Cabin for the duration of Feyre's recovery, so that should help."

I nodded. "The Cabin is also where you, my sisters, and I will be going...when that time comes."

"Are there any updates on that end?" Kallias asked, and I wondered what he and Rhys had been discussing in the other room if not about the business of ending the coup. "What did Eris's last report say?"

"He's managed to keep Keir at bay, hashing out details and negotiations for their supposed alliance and dragging them out for as long as he's needed to replenish the armies affected by their fighting," Rhys began. "According to his latest report, we should be expecting his soldiers any day now, along with Tamlin's."

"And then?" Viviane asked, holding Eira impossibly closer.

"Then we will lift the wards on our numbers, and have them march on the Ironcrest camp," Rhys started.

"Where that coward, Kallon, will inform Keir, and summon him here?" Kallias finished.

Rhys nodded. "Then we put an end to this for good."

I shivered at the darkness that laced in the promise of his words, and he quickly placed a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"What will you do with them?" Viviane quietly asked.

"Rhys, Cassian, and Azriel will deal with the Illyrians. As for Keir, we'll be handing him over to Mor. She's free to do as she wishes with him" I answered. Viviane nodded in approval, knowing the history and relationship our friend had with both her parents.

"Are you sure we can trust all of this in Eris's hands?" Kallias asked, his demeanor having shifted to a harder one.

"Azriel is keeping a close watch with his network of spies," I answered for Rhys.

"Not to mention with his court being in such shambles, entering another war against all of us, would be an extremely foolish move on his end," my mate added.

I scoffed. "Plus, he's probably enjoying his new position too much to risk losing it."

Our friends shared a wary glance, their eyes conveying their own silent exchange. "We trust you," Viviane finally said, adjusting Eira in her arms.

Rhys dipped his head in acknowledgement before turning to Kallias. "We'll ensure Viviane and Eira are safe with Feyre and her sisters in the cabin. Since the attack on Velaris we've set up stronger wards on all our properties."

Kallias's tense shoulders seemed to relax a bit at Rhys's reassurance for his daughter and Viviane's safety.

"I guess this time around you two will have to do without us." Viviane joked half-heartedly, though I could tell she harbored the same desire I had to do more for this fight.

You are doing plenty, my love, I promise you, Rhys said through the bond.

By that you mean carrying Sebastian? I mused back.

That is the most important thing right now, and more than I could have ever asked for.

I smiled at him, squeezing the hand on my shoulder, but we both looked up as a knock came from the sitting room. I saw Viviane flinch, bringing Eira close again.

"It's just Mor," Rhys reassured before waving a hand, opening the door for her.

Viviane smiled sheepishly at me as Mor entered the room. The blonde brightened when she saw her friend, but wisely didn't rush over to embrace her after noticing how protectively she held her child.

"Sorry to interrupt, I know you wanted to wait to greet the rest of us at dinner," Mor said empathetically to Viviane and Kallias. "But Azriel's spies returned from the Autumn Court with a report from Eris," she said to Rhysand and I.

"What did it say?" I asked, my heart beating faster.

"He's finalized his 'plans' with Keir, and his soldiers just arrived at Windhaven," she replied, her dark eyes hardening.

"What about the troops Spring promised?" Rhys asked, voice equally serious-his dark shadows beginning to stir.

I noticed the room growing colder as Kallias's own powers stirred at the news. "Cassian reported they're set to arrive at dawn," Mor said.

"So, it's time then, to lift the wards?" I asked—my words coming out more tense than I meant.

Rhys nodded stiffly. "As soon as the Spring soldiers arrive, we'll lift the wards. Keir and Kallon will surely meet us once we arrive at the Ironcrest camp."

"How long will that take, approximately?" Kallias asked, moving closer to his wife and mate-who rested her cheek atop Eira's head, still swaddled and sleeping in her arms.

"A day or two, at the most," Rhys answered.

We all exchanged the same strained, knowing, look and I wondered if they could hear the pounding of my heart as it settled over me that the time for this ill-fated encounter was at last about to reach its conclusion.

[whetstonefires]

Do you think the DC fandom maybe, Infantilizes Tim a little too much? Like for a rich kid character who's main trauma for a long time was a getting left home alone too much there's an oddly amount of meta abt how much how much his parents hurt him~ compared to, y'know the two poor characters who grew up with physically abusive dad's+druggie mom's, or the two that were raised assassin cult's, etc

…well, yeah, I do kind of think that? His whole schtick for so long was being too old for his age in ways that didn’t sacrifice his jokey, relatable teenager energies. It’s weird how little of that we see anymore, sometimes.

And then DC broke him and discarded him and he’s sort of awkwardly hanging around getting reimagined as more woobie with every fan generation. It is weird!

But tbh I do get it. And I think the reason his parents’ failure of him and his vulnerability get played up so much, and Jason and Steph’s sufferings (while used a lot for things like motivation and context) not dwelt on quite so much in the same lugubrious style, are kind of the same reason.

Which is that canon didn’t commit to it. Jason and Steph’s experiences with bad parenting were foregrounded and retconned more dramatically awful several times. (There’s some definite classism in how that was approached imo, and I’m never budging on being mad about DC retconning out Catherine being sick and then ignoring her forever in all Jason characterization because a drug death invalidates a person ig, great message during the opioid crisis guys.)

They engaged and coped with it–Steph (and Cass, our #1 canon batfam parental abuse victim) pretty directly, Jason a little less so because of the dubious and fluctuating canon status of most of the content more specific than ‘poverty, homelessness, theft, parental drugs and crime in there somewhere,’ so most of his parent issues have been focused on Bruce. He sure has dug into them tho. 😂 Rarely well or productively, thanks DC, but it’s explicitly part of his character, is my point.

Whereas upper-middle-class Tim was always treated by the narrative as fortunate and unharmed by his experiences with his parents. Even though they were clearly behaving badly in several ways, and Tim showed signs of being harmed by it.

Tim outside of immediate moments of frustration always was of the opinion he was Fine, and Very Fortunate Actually.

Therefore a huge chunk of the numerous everyone who’s got parent-related mental and emotional harm, but has struggled to have that validated and hasn’t responded with a lot of anger toward the parent, identifies with Tim. The only one who’s never really lashed out at his parents for fucking up with him. The one who still needs it explored, because canon ultimately didn’t.

[editing post to put in a readmore because lol it’s long, post otherwise unchanged]

(Dick obviously didn’t ever have any Issues with the Graysons, but he Angry Teenagered at Bruce so hard it changed Bruce’s characterization permanently, rip.)

The things Jason, Steph, and Cass have been through are dramatic, obvious, and fit stereotypes because that’s what they’re based on.

That’s important content to have, but because it’s right out there in your face even people who identify with it quite a lot are less likely to feel the need to work all the way through it again in fanworks. That part’s there. It’s text.

(Well actually Jason having been physically abused kind of wasn’t? I think? It was mostly assumed on the basis of stereotyping and Jason’s not caring about the man much even as he felt possessive of information about his death, which is valid. I don’t actually know what’s up with Willis now, Lobdell did some weird shit that lacked emotional resonance or staying power because he’s Lobdell and has no soul.

Cass’ wandering years are also ludicrously underdeveloped. But very very few comics fans or writers can personally relate to being amazing child warriors with no grasp of language living feral under bridges. That part of her life is consistently represented in terms of absences, in terms of its deviation from the norm and the deficits of normality it left her with, which is typical but unfortunate.) 

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The interesting things to do with these characters are often informed by the bad stuff in their childhoods, but there’s relatively rarely that much more to say about the fact that those things were bad. They know they’re bad. They’ve had a lot of on-panel rage about it, as discussed above. Steph and Cass both beat the shit out of their dads.

Jason is, in fandom especially, a sort of Platonic ideal of a kid who’s mad about his bad childhood and really bad at figuring out where to point that rage.

(Damian is a whole other kettle of fish, because he’s been lumbered by so many detailed retcons coming so fast no two people can seem to construct compatible models of what his early childhood was like, and even more because he’s still ‘a child’ enough that he’s necessarily in a different stage of processing than someone who’s officially only a few years older than him at this point, but still functionally 8 and also 20 years older, and whose parents are no longer in the picture to continue screwing up.

Also there’s no question that if he brings up an abusive thing the League did, he will be validated by his current environment about his realization that it was in fact bad. There’s a lot of fic on that theme! But it doesn’t have the same tone precisely because it is usually understood that that support will be there if he wants it. Realizing that his previous context contained things that were wrong keeps being made the focus of his arc.)

The badness of Tim’s childhood, on the other hand, was mainly in subtext. Even when we were clearly meant to understand Jack was fucking up, like when he canceled plans with Tim at the last minute to go on a date with Tim’s stepmother, or that infamous time he came to apologize for not being a great parent and got mad Tim was distracted by a crisis on TV so he flew into a rage and took the TV and smashed it and was like ‘that’ll teach you,’ it wasn’t leaned into.

The story didn’t treat Jack as a minor villain to be overcome but like a sort of environmental hazard of childhood, like homework, to be endured and coped with. Tim said things like ‘it’s fine’ and ‘at least he left the computer.’

(And like. It’s not about having a TV and computer in his room. It’s about not letting a child have boundaries, pointedly not respecting a child’s possessions, creating an emotionally insecure environment, punishing minor infractions in proportion to their momentary impact on your own ego, physically lashing out at a proxy for the child…)

Rather like Tom King later didn’t understand about the punching from Bruce, whoever did that story (probably Dixon? I don’t care enough to check) did not understand how serious a case of bad parenting that scene was. That is most definitely textbook abusive behavior. (It’s a hell of a lot more common abusive behavior than being a lame supervillain or shooting you when you screw up, and a lot more specific than ‘was a thug, might have hit me, dead now.’)

And Tim was never allowed to be mad at his parents about it. It was fine. He needed to be ignored so he had the freedom to be Robin. He deserved his dad being mad at him because he was keeping secrets. He complained too much, although objectively he did not.

The universe punished him for ‘complaining,’ more than once. We cut straight from him shunting aside his disappointment that his postcard from his parents was just to say they weren’t coming home yet after all with ‘if it will stop all the fights they’ve been having lately it’s more than fine’ to them getting kidnapped.

He agreed not to come on the rescue mission. His mom never made it home, and his dad was in a coma for a while. And then ultimately Jack died as a result of Tim’s decision to be Robin, immediately after finally deciding to accept it.

So Tim walks around feeling a huge burden of responsibility for his parents’ deaths, and completely unable to process any hurt they did him as real or valid, especially in comparison with the far more blatant awfulness other people have been through, and canon is clearly never going to address it. Or even acknowledge it properly.

Let me repeat that because it’s kind of my main point:

People are fixated on getting Tim’s emotional abuse validated because that’s an incredibly important step in recovering from emotional abuse, and it’s one canon consistently denied him.

How ‘bad’ things are ‘in comparison to’ problems other people have is a bad and unhealthy way to engage with trauma. Okay? That’s just a really harmful framework to apply to pain.

It’s also a way that both Tim and people with experiences similar to Tim’s are encouraged to engage with their own experiences, compounding the existing problems.

So. Not a form of relatable DC was ever actually aiming for when they tried so hard (and pretty effectively) to make him a relatable character as Robin, but an enduring one for a lot of fans.

-

So Tim’s childhood is a natural target for fanworks in a different way than the traumas that have been made explicit and taken seriously by the text. And then a lot of that got compounded by the way the introduction of Damian as Robin was handled, and the lack of resolution that got. And his current status as not quite having a place in the family anymore.

So between the level of projection encouraged by that context and how relatively difficult to access Tim’s Robin run has become ten years after the fact, this has led to a lot of fanworks on these themes that are based mostly on other fanworks, and stray further and further from the original content.

So at this point there’s an entire wing of Tim’s fandom wherein this side of him has expanded enormously, and he primarily exists to suffer, frequently in ways that 1) escalate to a point that is inarguably ‘valid’ and hard to dismiss and 2) set him up to rebound from it in whatever way the writer finds emotionally satisfying or useful–being ultimately cared for and reassured by people who value him (the most infantilizing option but like, popular for obvious reasons), or unveiling his brilliant scheme that was causing him to pretend to be passive in the face of mistreatment, or turning around and using his genius ninja skills to wrest power back from his abusers, or just laying down some sick burns about being treated fairly.

But not that many of the last one, because that’s mostly done with other batfam members.

Tim’s become a vehicle for a lot of vicarious coping that Steph and Jason just aren’t appropriate for, because they get angry and they get even. And those are stories that exist already, so there’s less scope for telling your own.

And because Jason’s reaction pattern is ultimately so masculine (i’ll make them all sorry! with my guns! blam blam!) while Tim’s is pretty gender-neutral, the demographics of fanfic mean that the bulk of the people using Tim vicariously in this manner are female-aligned, which has over time feminized this archetype of him a lot. Sometimes in ways I find really uncomfortable, like there’s a lot of forced pregnancy stuff which activates my panic buttons. x.x

But, ultimately, it’s fandom. People are going to do what they’re going to do, DC in their perpetual fail has hung Tim out to dry in narrative terms, and I’d rather the people who are using Tim for victimization narratives over the people who can’t dismiss or discredit him fast enough now that his position has been filled. 🤷‍♀️ What we gonna do? Fave’s in an awkward spot. DC hates us. This is the life in this comic book pit. XD

-

Also if you’re the same anon who left me a callout about op of that weird Steph post in my inbox, or if you aren’t @ that person, 1) I refuse to get involved so I’m not answering that ask 2) those aren’t even particularly dramatic fandom crimes? That’s pretty normal? That’s just…Caring Too Much About Ships And Disagreeing With Me.

Do I also feel those opinions are kinda bad? Yeah. But I disagree with everyone about something. Chill.

[mangobilorian]

roll over | (gen)

Pairing: Feral & Wolffe

Genre: Fluff

Words: 2875

Summary: “Kriffing hell, I can’t deal with this,” he mutters. Out of everything the Zabrak could do to cause trouble, he chooses to become a toddler. Wolffe glares at the kid, and Feral’s eyes grow wide. Then he starts to cry.

Or: Wolffe learns his greatest weaknesses are Dathomirians, Plo Koon, and snuggles.

Wolffe trusts his general. He can’t count how many times General Koon saved his life. From fighting in the battlefield to advocating for Wolffe to stay by his side, the Jedi has been there for him like no one else—aside from his brothers. So Wolffe trusts Plo’s judgement even if he disagrees with it. But he has to put his foot down before he reaches his breaking point, and the addition of a Nightbrother to the Wolfpack is enough cause for Wolffe to slam his plastoid covered foot down with all the force of a Zillo Beast.

Plo found the boy by accident. Well… found was an understatement. The Republic had sent the 104th to Dathomir for more information about Maul and Savage. The place freaked him out more than it should have. Who can blame him? It’s said that Ventress was born on Dathomir, and anything to do with that assassin sends streaks of rage and fear through Wolffe.

Thankfully, everything went well with Mother Talzin, but as they were about to depart, Wolffe got a sinking feeling. No one could find his General—which shouldn’t have been hard since the man is a Kel Dor —and two hours later, there was still no sign of him.

Until Plo ran towards the ship with an unconscious Zabrak in his arms, Mother Talzin screaming behind him. Wolffe understood immediately, so the Wolfpack readied the ship, and they flew off before the scary witch caught them. She screamed something along the lines of, “I will curse all of you!” But Wolffe didn’t worry about that.

After providing food and basic medical needs to the Zabrak, Plo sat the Wolfpack down to explain the situation. Wolffe knew what to expect. Plo was going to tell them that he found the boy in need of help, and Plo was the only one who could provide. So Plo just had to stage a rescue for the boy and escape the witch, putting himself and his men in danger. Wolffe is only slightly miffed. The same situation occurred many times before, so what was one other rescue? But no, this Zabrak—Feral—is force sensitive . Which is great. For Plo and no one else.  

“Wolffe, this boy will remain on the ship until he recovers. Then I will train him.” Wolffe scowls. The General leans against a wall, arms crossed. He looks too relaxed, too calm for Wolffe’s liking.

“Sorry, sir, but that boy is the brother of two Sith lords. If they find out we captured him, they’ll be on our asses.” Wolffe understands Plo’s undying paternal obligation to anything and everything. But Wolffe will not let Plo’s feelings get in the way of everyone’s safety. He’s lost too much to let a passing fancy harm anyone on board.

His general sighs. “He was abused, Wolffe. His neck was crushed then healed in the most painful way possible. If Maul and Savage cared for Feral, they would have rescued him themselves. And yet, we’re the ones who did. His Force signature is confused, scared, and hurt. That boy needs help, and I will provide it. Feral will stay on this ship.” And that’s an order , Wolffe finishes in his mind. Plo doesn’t like to command his men in the same capacity as other generals. He treats everyone like his own sons. Plo’s Bros , the Wolfpack calls themselves. It’s only on rare, important occasions where the hint of an order laces Plo’s voice. Unfortunately, this seems to be one such occasion.

“Unless, of course, you are truly uncomfortable with Feral. Say the word, and I will drop Feral off at a nearby med bay.” And with that statement, Wolffe is reminded of how nice his general is. The change from order to concern almost gives Wolffe whiplash. Plo makes his own decisions and expects Wolffe to back him up, but he also holds Wolffe’s opinion to a high regard—something that Wolffe feels he hasn’t truly earned.

Clones were supposed to give their life to the Republic and the Jedi, not to be nurtured and cared for. Yet, a High Councillor chose to keep Wolffe despite his disability. Wolffe begrudgingly admits that Plo’s paternal feelings have saved his and his brothers’ lives countless times.

In an effort to make his general happy, Wolffe acquiesces. “No, it’s fine, sir. He can stay. But if he causes trouble, he’s gone.” Wolffe knows Plo is smiling at him. Despite the mask covering his face and Plo’s lack of human lips, Wolffe knows. That di’kut is probably feeling smug because he got me to cave , the commander thinks.

Plo nods at him and heads off to tend to the injured Zabrak. Wolffe takes the time to clean his armor. In the corner, Boost and Sinker play sabacc. Comet watches idly, eyes already closing. Warthog sits in the cockpit, piloting away. This , Wolff thinks, is family. And no is going to harm them under my watch.  

An hour of calm coexistence passes. Plo had poked his head in to tell Wolffe that he was going to sleep in his anti-ox chamber. Comet and Sinker slept as well while Boost joined Wolffe in repainting his armor. They always keep gray paint and brushes on board for this exact reason. Every gray line serves as a reminder of all the men he lost, all the brothers who died—not in the midst of battle but in space, at the mercy of a superweapon and picked off by hunter droids. Gray is the mourning color for Mandalorians. And Wolffe will continue mourning long after the war ends—if it does.

A loud crash reverberates along the ship walls. Wolffe bolts to his feet, Boost right behind. Another thump and Wolffe deduces that it's coming from the spare room. Where the Zabrak is.

Wolffe signals for Boost to stay put, and he marches on. He’s down to his blacks, but he has enough sense to bring a blaster. He nudges the door open, blaster raised. Plo won’t forgive me for shooting his new stray . And the door swings wide to find… nothing. The only thing out of place is a knocked-over chair. The room is dark, but he should be able to see Feral.  

But there’s no sign of the yellow Nightbrother. Wolffe lowers his blaster. Where could that Zabrak be? Out of the corner of his eyes, he sees something glow. He raises the blaster again-

A small whimper escapes from the glowing eyed thing, and Feral steps out from the shadows. Except it’s not really Feral. Instead of the slim, injured Zabrak, a small version stands in his place.

“Feral?” Wolffe sets his weapon down on a nearby desk, still eyeing the child. He slowly sets the chair upright again. The kid leans into the wall and cradles his arms to his chest. “Kriffing hell, I can’t deal with this,” he mutters. Out of everything the Zabrak could do to cause trouble, he chooses to become a toddler . Wolffe glares at the kid, and Feral’s eyes grow wide. Then he starts to cry.

Feral’s cries aren’t loud. It’s quiet like he’s trying to keep it all in. He chokes on his own tears, holding a hand to his mouth to muffle the sounds. His shoulders quietly shake, and he leans further into the wall. He’s a sad, pathetic sight. Kriff, what would Plo think about the whole situation? He’d probably coo at the kid and be happy that he now has an actual child to spoil. But Plo is sleeping, and Wolffe doesn’t want to wake him. Plo barely rests enough as it is.

Wolffe doesn’t know what to do. It’s not like he’s trained in childcare. He’s probably the commander who’s least willing to approach a child— aside from Fox who almost ran over a Senator’s kid with a speeder bike; to this day, he claims that’s it an accident but Wolffe knows better. Even the clone cadets on Kamino don’t cry often because it���s better to act tough than look weak. They were probably programmed to not cry. Besides, he looks at his little brothers and sees the best soldiers in the galaxy instead of the children they are.

Feral continues to muffle his tears, and Wolffe asks himself one question. What would Plo do? Many answers come to mind, and Wolffe picks one that won’t damage his reputation.

He crouches down to the Feral’s eye level. “I’m sorry, kid. Didn’t mean to make you sad. I’m Wolffe.” Feral wipes his eyes with a grubby, trembling hand.

“Wuff?”  The commander snorts.

“Sure.” He holds a hand out, and the boy takes it. It’s wet from his tears, and Wolffe has to stop himself from cringing. He can deal with blood but a child’s tears and snot is something he doesn’t want to touch.

“Where brother Sava?” Feral peers up at him, gripping his hand. “Wanna Sava.” Kriff. Is Feral seriously asking for Sith Lord Savage Opress right now?

“Savage isn’t here.” That’s the wrong thing to say apparently because Feral bursts into tears. Only this time, they’re loud. “Shush, shush,” Wolffe says, trying to calm the boy down. The Wolfpack is search and rescue, so Wolffe knows some things about damage control. He pats the kid’s back, and Feral stops his tears after a while. “Umm, Savage is on a mission right now. He’s not here.”

“Brother Sava coming back?”

“Yeah, later.” Wolffe resists the urge to facepalm. He shouldn’t have told little Feral that Savage would arrive. Now the kid’s hopes are up, and he’ll cry when Savage doesn’t show up. Great.

“Wuff?” He grunts at the kid. “Food?”

“Oh you’re hungry, you little demon?” Feral’s face scrunches up at the insult but doesn’t say anything. Maybe he shouldn’t call the Zabrak a demon. The self esteem of a child can be damaged at a young age which could lead to insecurities later in life. He thinks. Wolffe isn’t sure how nat-born kids work.

“Sava give food. Wuff give food too?” The beady eyes of a hungry Feral stare at him. Wolffe can take the kid in a fight with one finger, but Feral looks absolutely predatory right now. Were all Zabrak kids… this scary?

“Fine,” he says, rolling his eyes. Wolffe picks the kid up and sets him on his bed. “Don’t move or no food.” Feral nods solemnly and places his hands in his lap. What an obedient kid. Wolffe hopes he stays that way.

The commander leaves the room, keeping the door ajar. He finds a ration bar and some water in a drawer. At least Warthog didn’t eat them all . There’s enough to last a few rotations, but it would be better to stop and pick up more supplies soon. They had to rendezvous with Cody soon and provide some supplies to the planet they finished securing. With Kenobi, Skywalker, and Ahsoka, the planet is much more damaged than the locals would like. So of course the Council is sending Wolffe to clean up the di-kut jetiise mess. Just as he’s about to exit the storage, Boost walks by.

“All-clear?” Wolffe debates telling Boost about baby Feral. Boost doesn’t show any contempt like Wolffe did for the Zabrak nor does he express the same happiness as Plo.

“Yeah. Go and sleep. You need it.” Boost salutes with a grin and stalks off to his bunk. Wolffe pockets the food and heads back to Feral’s room. He finds the boy in the same spot he left him in.

“Here you go,” Wolffe says and tosses the ration bar at Feral. His little fingers struggle to open the bar. After a few moments of Feral failing at ripping the packaging, Wolffe takes it from the boy and opens it himself.

“Thank you,” Feral whispers before chomping down. At least the kid has manners. Wolffe watches Feral’s face scrunch up at the taste of the rations.

“Not good, huh.” The Zabrak shakes his head.

“Dee-li-shous.” Wolffe scoffs. There’s no way the kid actually liked that stuff. He hands the water over once the kid finishes devouring the ration bar. They sit in silence, staring at each other. Wolffe doesn’t know what to do next. He’s fed the kid, but what now? Play time? He could always make the kid run a quick training circuit like all the clone cadets, but Wolffe has a hunch that nat-borns don’t jump out of bed and do a hundred pushups for fun.

“No horns.”

“What?” Feral points at Wolffe’s forehead.

“No horns. Weird eye.” He’d think it was an insult, but Feral seems genuinely curious. Maybe it’s the first time Feral—toddler or not—has seen someone who isn’t Dathomirian. He knew the planet is a bit more primitive and closed off, but Wolffe has the feeling that the people there don’t really get out much.

“I’m a clone. We don’t have horns. And I lost my eye in a fight against Asajj Ventress,” he shrugs. The event was so long ago that he doesn’t feel pure terror at the mention of her name. Besides, ladies love the eye. Feral’s mouth opened a tiny bit in awe.

“You wa-ree-or?” The kid looks amazed.

“Yeah. I’m a warrior.” Feral acts like a shiny. Every time the 104th get new troopers, they look at Wolffe with awe and fear. Even before the loss of his eye, he had a reputation for being scary. The shinies would straighten up and become quiet whenever Wolffe was around. Especially since the exploits of his Kel Dor General were nothing short of legend. Him and Plo make quite the intimidating pair.

“Like brother Sava,” Feral grins. As if Wolffe is anything like the Sith Lord. He wonders if Feral even knew Maul existed.

“Sure.” Wolffe expects the conversation to end there, but Feral reaches out to him with a grubby hand.

“Sava tuck me in bed. Wuff tuck me too?” Wolffe can’t imagine the angry Sith tucking his little brother to sleep and singing lullabies. Kriff, Wolffe can’t see himself doing that to anyone. But Feral looks so hopeful, and Wolffe wants to avoid another cry session. Damage control and all that.

“Whatever. Lay down.” Once Feral adjusts himself on the bed, Wolffe pulls the blanket up to the kid’s chin.

“Snuggle?” Feral asks hopefully. Oh no. By the grace of Jango’s shebs , Wolffe prays he did not just hear the word ‘snuggle’ escape the little demon’s mouth. He can see his entire tower of reputation crumble from the weight of that word. Wolffe can endure long campaigns and stupid clankers. But snuggles?!

“Um, no. Sorry.” Feral’s face contorts, and Wolffe has enough experience to know that he’s about to cry. “I mean, roll over.” Feral immediately smiles, and Wolffe rolls his eyes. He looks so happy that Wolffe wants to frown just to balance the emotions in the room. The kid obliges, and Wolffe scoots in. The bed is made for one person—not one and a half. So Feral buries his head into Wolffe’s chest.

It’s uncomfortable. The kid’s stubby horns dig into his ribs, and Feral is much warmer than Wolffe would like. He briefly remembers something about Zabraks having two hearts. He glances down at the kid. Where does he have the space in that little body to contain two kriffing hearts?

Feral curls deeper into Wolffe’s chest, little huffs escaping his mouth as he finds a comfortable position.

“Nite, Wuff.” The commander strokes the back of Feral’s head. It’s awkward, but the kid doesn’t mind. He doesn’t know if anything is real at this point. A few hours ago he wanted to strand the Nightbrother on the closest backwater planet, not cuddle next to a toddler version of him. How did Savage even deal with his younger brother? Wolffe would love to see the Sith Lord snuggle Feral then promptly shoot Savage between the eyes for killing clones. Well that’s dark. Probably shouldn't think of murdering the kid’s brother while I’m snuggling him .

“Good night, Feral.” Wolffe forces his eyes to close, and he wraps an arm around the kid. Feral murmurs something and drapes a skinny arm over Wolffe’s body. He stiffens. The last time someone hugged him like this was… well Wolffe doesn’t even know. Clones gave each other side hugs and pats on the back. On Kamino, cadets would sneak into each other’s pods, but that ended for Wolffe when he went to the command track. For now, Wolffe lets himself relax and allows sleep to take him.

It’s much, much later when Wolffe wakes up to find the entirety of the Wolfpack and General Koon staring at him. With a now-adult Feral buried in his arms, snoring lightly. He’s tempted to say that it isn’t what it looks like, but he’s too damn tired. Wolffe knows Plo is grinning under his mask (at least the equivalent of a Kel Dor grin; Plo projects all the smug feelings through the Force anyway). The rest of his men look at their commander, horrified. Boost is especially scandalized. Wolffe would be too if he weren’t so sleepy. Whatever. Everyone got to rest. It’s his turn now. So Wolffe closes his eyes and drifts back into sleep.

[unpack-my-heart]

But Break, My Heart, For I Must Hold My Tongue

@violetreddie​ @constantreaderfool​ @tinyarmedtrex​ @xandertheundead​ @mrs-vh​ @eds-trashmouth​ 

[Moodboard by the amazing @violetreddie​ <3]

Read on ao3 HERE

“The rest is silence”

Eddie watches Richie’s face shift from painted anguish to peaceful nothingness. He watches Richie’s eyes dance under his eyelids, a wakeful dream. Eddie had memorised the choreography when he’d sat up late at night whilst Richie slept, eyes two-stepping and arms blindly grabbing for Eddie.

“Now cracks a noble heart. Good night sweet Hamlet, and –”

Richie’s eyes fly open.

“Good night sweet prince,” Eddie corrects, and Stan’s face blanches.

“Shit! Sorry. Good night sweet prince, and flights of angels sing thee to thy rest! Uh …”

“Why does…” Eddie prompts, but Stan doesn’t finish the line.

“Why does the drum come hither?” Eddie supplies, voice schooled into careful apathy, not wanting to spook the flighty animal stood in front of him, with Richie’s head cradled loosely in his lap.  

Richie’s eyes close again, and Eddie holds his breath.

“Why does the drum come hither?”

Fortinbras storms in, but Eddie doesn’t look at him. Horatio and Fortinbras exchange terse words, but Eddie cannot draw his eyes away from Richie’s face. The last time he’d seen this expression painted on his brow was the night before he’d told Eddie to leave, when they’d held each other all night and the acceptance letter had turned poisonous and fetid in Eddie’s bag.

“Not from his mouth, had it the ability of life to thank you, he … he … FUCK!”

Richie’s eyes open again.

“He never gave commandment for their death” Richie said, in a tone that Eddie imagined was supposed to be helpful but caused Stan to visibly bristle.

“You’re supposed to be dead”

“I’m just trying to help”

“I don’t need your help, Richard” Stan deadpanned, staring down at Richie with

“Look, you’re obviously struggling, I was just –”

“Richie, can you give us a moment, please?”

Richie stands up, uncharacteristically quiet, and slinks out of the room, tail between his legs.

The air in the small rehearsal room hangs like smog, heavy on their shoulders. Stan’s shaking, just barely, and Eddie knows that Stan thinks Eddie’s going to sack him, relieve him of his part and send him back into the wilderness, nameless.

Eddie sits down on the floor in the middle of the room, carefully arranging his limbs in an attempt to look less threatening, less like the person that could erase Horatio’s world with a snap of his fingers.

“Come sit”

Stan hesitates, before taking measured steps over to where Eddie is sat in a half-lotus position, hands clasped in his lap.

Stan sits.

“How much do you remember of our RADA days?”

Stan blinks.

“Uh, most of it, I guess? I remember – I remember you were in our seventeenth-century tragedy class before –”

Eddie smiles, lips drawn into a lazy, lopsided grin. Honest.

“Heh. Before I left, you mean?”

“Yup. Richie was pretty crushed”

“I don’t want to talk about Richie,” Eddie replies, voice gentle but laced with do not do not do not, “I want to talk about you”

“Look, Eddie, I know – I know I’m fucking it up. I know that I’m probably not the Horatio you want me to be, but… I’m trying? I’m trying so fucking hard, Eddie, honest I am. I just – I can’t seem to – I really want …”

“Do you remember Jacques?”

“How could I forget Jacques? I’m pretty sure anyone who has had even a three second interaction with Jacques remembers him,” Stan says, voice several ounces lighter.

Eddie shifts, right leg numb and protesting. He ends up sitting on his ass with his legs pin-straight out in front of him. Stan does the same.

“Jacques told me to leave RADA. He told me that I was never going to reach my potential in that environment, that it wasn’t the right place for me to grow, to flower. I didn’t hate him for saying it. I hated myself. Of course I felt like a failure. I’d tried and tried and tried but it wasn’t ever going to happen. I’d never be the prodigy my mother told me I was going to be”

“Eddie, are you–” Stan whispers, but Eddie shakes his head violently.

“Let me finish, Stan. I handed in my letter of intention before they could ask me to leave. That made it easier. I went out on my own terms.”

“Do you – are you asking me to –”

“Stan!”

“Sorry”

“I didn’t want it enough. I never did. Never have. I want this,” Eddie gestures wildly around the small rehearsal room, to his desk where his papers lay strewn across the surface like autumn leaves, to the grubby mirrors where he watched his cast metamorphosize every day, to the ceiling that he’d stare at, and thank a God he doesn’t believe in for giving him all of this, for letting him take it and consume it and become corpulent.

“You want it” Eddie announces after a beat of silence, and it isn’t a question.

“I want it” Stan parrots, staring at Eddie with wide, help me help me help me eyes.

“You want it, and I’ll help you get it. You’ve been cast for a reason, Stan. Claire saw something in you, something she knew I could nurture, and she was right. You are my Horatio, and as long as you’re willing to work with me, I’ll claw him out of you.”

Stan looks bewildered, like Eddie had just agreed to lasso the moon and drag it down just for him.

“Even if you did fuck up, it’d be nothing to do with you, anyway. That’d be on me. I’m your director, this production is my responsibility and mine alone. All of you, Horatio, Ophelia, Claudius,” Eddie pauses, screwing his eyes closed, before opening them again and locking eyes with Stan, “Hamlet. All of you. This is my ship and if it goes down, it’ll have been me who bore holes in the deck.”

“I don’t know what to say”

“Say you’ll stay, say you’ll work with me, say you’ll let me help you grow”

– X –

“Why are you giving Horatio more attention than me? I’m supposed to be the lead!”

It takes Richie longer than Eddie had guessed to detonate.

“Pardon?” Eddie answers, ready to go toe to toe with the Prince of Denmark on a battlefield of his own making, but Stan’s voice gets there first.

“Stop being a fucking child, Richie”

And they’re off. A verbal sparring match, the fencing scene several acts too soon. Eddie watches them, hidden in the corner like Polonius behind the curtain, expecting to get stabbed in the stomach by a rogue insult.

The fight is over almost as soon as it had begun, however, as Richie drops his sword and a pitiful ‘what happened to us’ falls to the ground instead.

Then Eddie’s name falls from Stan’s lips and he feels that puncture wound he’d been waiting for.

“There hasn’t been an ‘us’ since you ignored me when Eddie left,” Stan replies, eyes downcast, “I missed you, Rich, I rang you for two fucking years, of course I missed you. But this petulant child isn’t you. You need to sort it out. You can’t draw him in when you’re pushing everyone else out”

Eddie releases a wounded howl ripped straight from the part of his heart that he had locked away when he’d left Richie sat at that dining room table fourteen years ago.

Richie turns, horror evident in his pained expression.

“Eddie”

– X –

As soon as he saw him, Eddie knew that Michael Hanlon was made for the role of Ophelia. The softness of his face contrasted with the feral nymph in his eyes, the liberate me timbre of his voice, all of it. With flowers woven in his hair, Mike had captivated Eddie from the first syllable. Whilst watching him work with Richie, the way Mike had managed to distil the naivety of youth so perfectly that it fell from his skin in waves, Eddie had never felt so lucky.

“My lord, I have remembrances of yours, that I have longed long to re-deliver; I pray you, now receive them.”

Mike tries to thrust a small collection of letters into Richie’s hands but Richie sends them flying into the sky, only to rain back down on them like snowflakes, alike but subtly different. A sickness gnaws at Eddie’s stomach when he remembers the letters he’d sent to Richie, and whether Richie would condemn them to the ground, unread. Unopened.

Richie responds with a cold, “No, not I; I never gave you aught”, and the sickness in Eddie’s stomach grows stronger, and stronger.

I never gave you aught.

Never gave you aught.

Oh, but Richie, you gave me everything.

Mike slumps to the floor, rehearsal dress pooling around him. Richie grabs his face between his hands, and whispers through gritted teeth, “get thee to a nunnery!” and it’s perfect. It’s too perfect.

Richie stalks off, standing in the corner of the room that indicated that he was now off-stage and Eddie doesn’t look at him. He doesn’t look, he doesn’t look, he mustn’t look but then he does look and Richie’s looking right back.

They share a small smile.

Mike continues to howl.

[rwbyconversations]

RWBY Volume 6 Vocal Songs review

Well, we finally have it people- the Volume 6 soundtrack is out. And hopefully this time Spotify mains won’t feel left in the corner like the Ladybug fandom does during the inter-RWBY shipping discussions.

I’ll say overall I adored the songs this year and there weren’t any duds- in fact this is probably my new overall favorite lyric soundtrack since Volume 4, which was just overflowing with bangers. This year was similarly jam-packed, with every new song being the usual outstanding fare that RWBY has become known for.

... and then there’s the remixes which continue to be absolutely awful and will never go onto my playlists but this is the token mention of the remixes. Why do they keep doing them, the only good one’s been Sacrifice.

But regardless, this is my review of all the vocal songs in Volume 6. Enjoy! (forward warning I’m not a music critic so don’t expect anything too deep here)

All GIFs were made by @edelblume​, someone actually proficient in talking musical theory.

1) Rising

Rising was already one of my favorite openings to date for RWBY, if for no other reason than the superb opening animation itself. But fortunately, the song itself more than met my expectations. Featuring an incredibly strong riff from Jeff from Alex along with a surprising synth appearance in places, Rising kicks off the soundtrack with gusto, a defiant acknowledgement that their road is faced with a permeating darkness, but it won’t last, and much as nature simply knows how to be, they were born with the knowledge to do the right thing and stand against evil. For they are paragons, and death can’t hold them down for long. After years of ranking Time To Say Goodbye as my favorite opening of the show, Rising supplants it and takes its new spot on the throne.

2) Miracle

Miracle was a surprise- for the first time since Volume 3 and It’s My Turn, we got a new song in the premiere alongside the opening itself, capping off RWBY, Oscar and Qrow’s desperate struggle to buy the Argus Limited time to escape with its civilian cargo. It’s a much bleaker song than Rising, coming right as the heroes are about to have their senses of morality tested by the truths that Ozpin had been hiding from them for years. Miracle laments how they’re running out of time and that their own triumphs don’t matter- a reckoning is near and they have to answer the question of whether or not the path they’ve been walking was the right one, or just one made of lies. As the heroes scramble for a miracle, they’re dismayed to find that none’s in sight, but as they realize they’re fighting on the sight of light and all that’s good in the world, they’re determined to stand and fight until their miracle arrives.

Miracle can be seen as a proper theme song for the first half of Volume 6, as it more deeply examines the themes of the volume, especially the team’s inner conflict. The final verse especially can be seen as almost an abridging of the Brunswick arc, as the team reach their lowest points and despair at how nothing they do is worth anything before they take a breather and decide that even if the end time are coming, they’ll face it head on and give it a bloody nose before it consumes everything, still hoping for that miracle to arrive- just like a young silver eyed girl arrived in Brunswick to cleanse its tainted halls of apathy. 

Miracle was a surprising song back in October last year, and now that it’s out in full it’s honestly my favorite song lyrically on the track. It’s a perfect assessment of the situation the heroes wind up in this volume, capping off with their blunt refusal to let the end take them quietly. 

3) Lionized

I know they spell it Lionize but I don’t care, they say Lionized in the song for Christ’s sake! 

I’ve been waiting for this song for nearly an entire year since RTX and the short that won me back onto RWBY, and fortunately Lionized didn’t disappoint. Adam finally got his solo song to bow out his character after sharing From Shadows with Blake, and much like his character short, it offers a compelling, if truncated, account of his rise and fall into darkness. 

While Amity Arena’s bio had already revealed Adam’s early life to be horrific- born into slavery in an SDC dust mine, dreaming of looking up at the sky with his own two eyes one day- Lionized also makes no point of hiding the details, having the lyrics open with Adam reflecting on how he was “Insulted and reviled, Enthralled by human overlords since I was a child” (which gives off serious vibes of Adam being a sex abuse victim as a child to me and Jesus Christ). That punishment broke Adam and drove him mad in his desire to make humanity pay for what it had done to him and the hundreds of thousands of Faunus in those mines. 

Jeff kills it in this song- it’s easily my new favorite solo from him as we get a deep dive into what drove Adam past the brink of madness, as his revenge dovetails into building him up and making him more of a figurehead than an actual hero- “Watch them fall as I am glorified,” “You’ll see, I’m their hero/I’m here, I’m your savior, I’ll be lionized!” And the guitars are something else, a constantly churning ripping and shredding beat that combines with Jeff’s voice sounds like a feral animal about to attack. And if there’s one way to get me hype for a villain in anime, grab some guitars and start shredding. 

While Miracle might be my favorite song of the OST on a lyrical level, Lionized just knows how to get me hyped and this’ll probably be the one that gets the most replays on my playlist. It captures the old spirit of RWBY’s original music and delivers with a rip-roaring track that matches its narrators madness with shredding gusto.

4) Big Metal Shoe

I had no expectations for Big Metal Shoe. In fact I figured this would be the weak link of the soundtrack. Surely what seemed to just be a diss track at a villain I wasn’t especially fond of wouldn’t make for a good song, right?

And then we got Caffeine 2.0 and... it was actually kinda good. Again, I’m a simple man- throw some guitars at me and I’ll smile and nod like a kid watching fireworks. This sound wound up being a fun little darkhorse for the soundtrack, alongside a seeming self-imposed challenge by Williams and Abraham to make as many fairytale references in two and 3/4 minutes as physically possible. 

There is one downside though- this song’s actually incomprehensible. I don’t understand half of it. Jeff and Casey have this problem a lot of the time where it’s hard to understand them but this is just peak “Are you even speaking English anymore?” And then Lamar shows up for the Token Lamar Rap Verse that every RWBY OST includes and then it gets even worse.

While I wasn’t expecting much from Big Metal Shoe, it still made for a fun few minutes. Now I can’t wait for Flynt’s lyric video so I understand most of the song! 

5) Forever Fall

RWBY’s track record with ballads can be generously described as “hit or miss.” For every Cold or Home, we have Wings or All That Matters. Forever Fall has a crucial advantage over those weaker examples in that I actually like most of the characters featured in the song. Being about Pyrrha encouraging Jaune from beyond the veil while Jaune struggles to press on, much as she did in the Boundless Jaune Amity Arena bio, it’s a somber tune, and easily one of the better attempts Jeff and Casey have made at a slower, more quiet song. I’m not the biggest fan of how RWBY has handled Pyrrha’s death since Volume 3, sometimes it feels a little like they keep JNR around just to more easily have access to angst fuel for it, but Forever Fall definitely helped set the bitter stage for the statue scene, which does still stand as one of the better scenes of Volume 6 (even if it does lose some of its weight once you realize Pyrrha probably wouldn’t have actually liked the statue due to her hatred of being put on a pedestal). Casey knocks it out of the park with her voice and the piano plays a beat on many a fan’s heart. 

I’m especially fond of the theory that this isn’t so much a Pyrrha singing to Jaune song as it’s a song that can symbolise both of them at the same time. Credit to the crew for that.

6) One Thing

Neo’s far from my favorite character in RWBY, and I’ve made no secret of how I think she’s dreadfully overhyped outside of being a good luck charm for well animated fights. Luckily for her and fans then, her charm status made it into Maya unscathed, and Neo was protected by the universal rule of soundtracks.

The villain songs are always really fucking good.

Casey finally lives out her dream of voicing Neo in One Thing, a bitter revenge fantasy where Neo makes no reservations about how much she’ll love putting down anyone and everyone responsible for Roman’s death. She talks (heh) of how she had nothing before Roman came- not a voice, not a home, maybe not even a name if I’m hearing that one line right. “Then a brand new flame brought a brand new name.” 

Add in a badass as all hell chorus and Neo jumped up a few places in my personal RWBY polls thanks to the presentation of her musical debut alone, to say nothing of her fantasies about killing Cinder (can relate). One Thing shows just how effective a great song can be, setting the scene for a fantastic fight scene, a solid return for a fandom-beloved character and then even making someone who considered her the Boba Fett of RWBY start to like her. I’m eager to learn more of Neo’s past before she met Roman, whenever that day comes.

(btw is it bad if I kinda ship Neo and Roman now?)

7) Nevermore

I don’t have a lot to add that hasn’t been said since the finale aired- it’s a pretty great song and a fantastic closer for the volume, I hope Atlas means we finally stop getting Blake or Yang-focused credit songs because this was the third in a row and it’s getting tiring, the disconnect between the writers and actors calling Adam “the worst” while the songs and bios paint a far more complex picture is a bit of an odd disconnect that I hope doesn’t repeat if they ever remember that Cinder’s an abuser too. 

8) Armed and Ready Acoustic

Nice song, shame it’s gonna get ruined by all the fucking Beehaw/Yorse jokes. You weren’t funny in February, you’re not funny now. You’re not even worth a comment about beating a dead horse. Not sure I like the acoustic going full country but whatever. Wake me up when I’m The One gets the acoustic treatment.

9) Indomitable

Indomitable was the song I was probably the most hyped for in the V6 OST alongside or even surpassing Lionized. Ruby’s Silver Eyes scene was a strong contender for the best scene of the season and single-handedly made up for what otherwise could have been a Breach-level anticlimax of a finale, and part of what made it work was Indomitable, the short but powerful song that played as Ruby gave Bubbles The Leviathan both ocular barrels. Ruby finally getting a song after five straight albums was ambrosia to my soul, after years of having to make due with “Maybe Ruby’s song is meant to be the OP?” as Weiss, Blake and Yang got song after song after song, oftentimes getting multiple songs in a single year (Hi Yang. Stop hogging the jukebox. Please.). Finally, I thought, she’d get a track, and one that appeared to be about her accepting her role as the light standing against the darkness, all capped off with a beautiful quiet tribute to Monty in the form of his old blog quotes about the human spirit.

So I must admit, when I listened to Indomitable proper, I was... disappointed on the first listen. It’s still a lovely song, but it wasn’t what I hoped and wanted it to be and it took a little while to appreciate it in spite of that.

Indomitable is a tribute song to Monty, a la Cold from Volume 3. But while Cold had a double meaning that made it work in and out of universe (being a song from CRWBY mourning Monty that could also reflect on Jaune mourning Pyrrha), Indomitable is far less connected to RWBY in-universe unless Ruby had a dream offscreen where she met a tired looking guy who made worlds based off his ketchup stains then woke up and made a Christian Rock song out of it. 

Rather sadly for me at least, this also hurts the original Indomitable scene in question as well. It doesn’t truly fit the original scene now, as much as it did when we thought the song was about Ruby recognizing her spirit. It was a great way to cap off a volume that was overall great for Ruby. As she finally got to take center stage as protagonist in her own show, we finally got a new song about her standing unyielding against the darkness. What was a great character moment for Ruby has now rather sadly been hurt by the song. Not terribly, I still love the climax of Volume 6. But now the song just feels a touch out of place.

I know some people have already been rather critical of anyone who didn’t like the song because it wasn’t what they wanted (I’ve seen a fair few people express disappointment that the song wasn’t the Ruby-focused song the chorus and placement in the show led us to believe) and that tired old “subverting expectations” argument came up. To which I must reply that “What did you expect me to take from a song showing up during Ruby’s most powerful moment, that the song was actually about Port?” While what we got was still a powerful song that makes for an interesting trilogy of songs of RWBY dealing with Monty’s death in Cold, Let’s Just Live and Indomitable, I think Ruby’s fanbase especially are very fairly allowed to be disappointed that they were stripped of the chance to finally get her first focus song in half a decade. Instead we get another Ruby song where she’s not even the real focus (much like Blake’s trailers get hijacked by her supporting cast, Ruby’s songs get hijacked by anyone within a mile of the recording booth),  

I still liked Indomitable, and it does become a stellar song after the first chorus.. It still has Ruby’s overall attitude and the lyrics do still allow one to reflect on Ruby and her growth over Volumes 1-3 and 6. It’s a lovely, touching and very emotional tribute to Monty and a rousing anthem to celebrate his legacy (wait does this mean Indomitable breaks the Monty Rule? ;) ) and had it been a simple bonus track that we only learned about when the OST dropped a la BMBLB or Dream Come True it would have been a lot better in my opinion. We still got a lovely song and in the heat of the moment, it worked really well for Ruby. But at this point, I really just want a new inarguable Ruby song above all else, and this probably should have been kept as a bonus song instead of being used in-show. Still good, but I’m just a bitter bitch and wanted something else

Conclusion and ranking

Volume 6′s vocal tracks were a near-perfect selection this year. After Volume 5′s tracklist was more comparatively disappointing (Smile and This Time are the only ones I’d really go back to at this point), the V6 tracklist was far more impressive and a near constant streak of home runs. While Indomitable wasn’t what I hoped and wanted it to be, it was still a touching tribute to Monty and proof that his soul lives on in RWBY. If Jeff, Alex and Casey are as on fire next year as they were this year, the wait for the Volume 7 OST will be even more painful. Round of applause for the music team this year, they did a stellar job and I wish them all the best for Volume 7. 

1) Miracle 2) Lionized 3 One Thing 4) Rising 5) Forever Fall 6) Nevermore 7) Indomitable 8) Acoustic Armed and Ready  9) Big Metal Shoe 10) The music that played during Merc and Em’s scene in Lost.  10) The godawful Triumph and Path to Isolation remixes. Please. Leave the songs alone, I hate Volume 5 but even it didn’t deserve that torture. 

Thank you for reading. 

[tothewaterhq]

ACCEPTED // DAHLIA HORNBY

district twelve → tribute → lola flanery fc

pronouns: she/her strengths: agile, durable, tactical weaknesses: social skills, physical strength, maturity weapon of choice: hunting knives token: a few pages torn from her family survival guide (to be confiscated when she reaches the capitol)

tw: murder, tw: death, tw: guns, tw: language

did they volunteer? if so, why?: No

bio:

Marta and Eldon Hornby were two good people born in a bad world. When they met they knew that there were alike in so many ways. Both were orphans, both detested the capitol and both had people they knew reaped for the games on the same year. Eldon was a natural survivalist who spent his childhood trying to navigate poverty and looking after his younger brothers after his parents death. He’d always tried to teach his two younger brothers survival skills in case they were reaped for the games. His younger brother died before he reached the age of twelve. The elder was reaped when he was fifteen. He had never met Marta before. She had been alone most of her life. No siblings, no parents. Her best friend was her family. Her best friends name was called right afters Eldon’s brother. They both died in the bloodbath.

Eldon met Marta during the District Twelve stop of the victory tour they were both obliged to go to. He stopped her tossing a Molotov cocktail on the stage. They married a year later. It was as if tragedy had drawn them together. That and a burning hatred for the capitol. They bought a small shack of a house close to the fence. Together, they made plans. They wanted to escape panem, escape district twelve. To do that they needed money and security. Eldon started digging an escape hatch underneath the floor of their shack using tools borrowed from his mining profession. That took him around a year to get perfect. Then the pair of them started trying to track down other rebels through signals they’d leave on trees. They wasted another year on that. It took them three years to put together everything they needed to make there move. However the day before their escape, Marta discovered she was pregnant. So another nine months was added to the time frame. Enough time for them to have their daughter, Dahlia Hornby.

A baby was a new variable they had to take in to account before. They had never planned to bring a child into panem. Not whilst the games were still in place. They thought about hiding her. But that was no way to bring up a child. They thought about fleeing with her. However the risk was too great. So they stayed. Eldon raised his daughter the way he raised his brothers. It may not have helped them. However Dahlia would be prepared for both the games and escaping panem. Whichever came first.

Dahlia, or Lia to them (and only them) was a happy kid who loved both of her parents ‘to the moon and back’. That’s what her mother would say to her every night. She was also reminded every night that, soon they would ‘be in a better place.’ As soon became too long, Dahlia grew impatient. So her father upped her training routines. He even took her out in the woods occasionally to give her a taste of freedom. She was never allowed outside the shade of their house though. That’s something that frustrated her. Dahlia could start fires, tie knots, cook animals and do all sorts of things but waiting? That was a different story.

She was seven when she got the chance. Her parents were busy doing idle tasks. The floorboards guarding the passageway were up. What did the child do? She went outside.  She started off slow but was quickly just running through the woods, distracted by all the places she’d never seen before. She heard running water splashing against some rocks in the distance. She was totally encaptivated by the sounds. She didn’t hear hushed voices moving towards her. Before she knew it her father grabbed her from behind, covering her mouth as they hid behind a tree, just in time for them to hide from view as a peacekeeper walked past. That’s what Jervis had heard. Marta joined them quickly as they moved silently into a nearby cave. They had no way of getting out without being seen or heard. As her mother cradled her head, Dahlia whispered,

‘I’m scared mama.’

Marta grabbed hold of her quickly, whispering words of comfort in her ear. The usually mantra about loving her to the moon and back. Neither Marta or Eldon knew what they were going to do, one thing for sure was, they weren’t letting Dahlia get captured.

The plan was for her to run back to the house as Marta ran in the opposite direction to distract the peacekeepers. Eldon would hide and find his way back to Dahlia later, who was instructed to hide until he got back. So she ran back in the direction she came. However Marta didn’t get to run. She tried. Before she knew it the peacekeepers had cornered her. Things were not going as planned, Eldon watched on as his wife was captured. He couldn’t let that happen, so he lunged for the peacekeepers.

As Dahlia sprinted back to her home, she was startled by two gunshots.

When she returned home she hid in the small cabinet under the sink for what felt like hours.  It didn’t matter how long she waited, they didn’t return. She wasn’t brave enough to venture back out into the forest to look for her parents until two days later. She went prepared with a swiss army knife. She searched all day and woke up the next morning freezing in the forest. No matter how many times she came back without any more information, Dahlia continued to do this every morning. She lost track of time, not realising that an extended period had passed until her shoes grew too small for her feet. Then she ran out of food. She wasn’t sure about going to the market places, so she stuck to the forest. The first thing she found was a squirrel but the six year old didn’t know how to kill it. That was until she watched a spider pounce on a fly. Smothering it to death.   It was better, a lot less bloody. Following the technique,  she ate well for a while. Then winter hit and the small animals that she could actually catch disappeared.

Something strange happened during winter. Someone left a dead rabbit outside her house. Then another, then another. All winter the stranger left them for her. She caught a glimpse of them occasionally. Then they were gone again. When spring came back around Dahlia went back to the woods. Spring left the woods full of animals and she couldn’t help but watch them. She tried to emulate a squirrel by climbing up a tree, she copied a rabbit who drank from the stream. She even growled at a wolf. The animals were raising her in a way. At least someone was.

A year passed, Dahlia fell into bad habits. She didn’t wash,  she didn’t wear shoes, she ate with her hands. Rumours spread in district twelve about an animal child living in the woods. It wasn’t until she started going to the market that she realised it was her. She was covered in dirt, looking like a wild animal. No one stopped her stealing things. Even the peacekeepers. Especially after she sunk her teeth into one of them when they came across her lifting an apple from a fruit stand.

‘They don’t pay me enough to deal with this feral little bitch!’

Expecting them to chase her, she ran back to her house.  They didn’t come. Those words played over and over in her mind. Was she feral? She knew the word meant wild. And what about all those whispers she’d heard in town? The animal girl. The girl in the woods. She caught her reflection in some water. Suddenly, it all made sense.

The realisation that the animalistic behaviour was the reason no one had come to collect the parentless child got the wheels turning in Dahlia’s mind. She spent more time in the woods, crawling around like an animal. It was almost fun for her. She liked to test her luck in the district as well. See how many people she could fool. The answer was a lot. Then again, District twelve were preoccupied with something else at that time.

Katniss Everdeen they called her. She recognised her immediately; the woman that left rabbits outside for her. Suddenly she was engulfed by the hunger games.  She was rooting for the girl on fire just like everyone else, sneaking out to the square to watch the live showings. She was destined to win — except she didn’t. In a fit of rage, Dahlia kicked her wall. Out fell a book with a note attached,

‘Dahlia, I hope I never have to give this to you. I hope that by the time you turn twelve we’ll be far away from this wretched place. I hope that we’ll all be safe. In a better life. If you’re reading this, that hasn’t happened yet.’ It didn’t take her long to recognise the phrasing and handwriting. It was from her father. ‘Today is your first reaping day. If all has gone well, your name is only in there once. Your mother and I wouldn’t have it any other way.’ They got one thing right. She’d never taken tesserae. It wasn’t like the small girl needed that much food. The letter continued. ‘I hope I’m there reading this to you, but Panem is unpredictable. If not I’ll present it to you in writing. This gift, a book that’s been in my family for generations. The Hornby Survival Guide.’  

The book was a collection of loose paper and sketched. There were a few dried up plant clippings. But it was the content that was of most interest. A compilation of survival tips. All the stuff her dad had never got to teach her.

With the book and the memories of Katniss, Dahlia found a new figure to emulate instead of the animals. She even braided her hair (to the best of her abilities) to look like Katniss. Whilst she didn’t have a bow, she threw a knife, that she’d stolen, around like it was an arrow. She climbed the trees like she did. Even slept in them a few times. Dahlia started practicing sneaking around. Her time in the woods became less about hunting and more about training. As she got older she got sneakier, just like Katniss.She taught herself to fight, albeit a tree that gave her a dozen splinters. That still counted in her mind though. Most importantly she studied the book cover to cover. She was going to be ready just in case she got reaped. Of course, she wouldn’t be reaped on her first reaping. So she had time.

Wrong. She went to her first reaping because she didn’t want someone showing up at her house and forcing her to go. wasn’t sure even her fake feral-ness could keep them away.  She didn’t braid her hair or clean her face. She was wearing a moth eaten cardigan and skirt combination that didn’t go well with her fathers old boots. She didn’t look anything like the formal kids in the crowd. No one expected district twelve to have lavish clothes though.  Like cattle she was hoarded in to the pens they put aside for the girls. Surrounding her were teenagers, all of a much larger height than she. Her mind didn’t know what was going on. All she knew was someone was calling her name. No one knew Dahlia’s name though. The slip of paper from the bowl hadn’t said ‘The Girl from the Woods’ If that had been the case people would’ve recognised her.

Dahlia’s first mistake was attending the reaping in the first place. Her second was trying to creep away. In hindsight, it made her look guilty. Before she knew it she was being dragged up to the stage. Staring out into the crowd of lucky faces who hadn’t been reaped. Then again, luck had never been Dahlia’s friend. As she was dragged on to the capitol train started to kick and scream. That’s what she planned to do right until her last breath. Give them hell. After all, the capitol had taken her mother, father and Katniss Everdeen. They weren’t taking her too.

PLAYED BY // JO

[girlscience]

I have a post to make about Stargate: Atlantis because I have been rewatching it and I need to get this out of my head and I don’t have anyone to talk to about it here. So, I’m going to subject you to my meta theories about wraith biology and my oc.

Wraith biology. This is brought up quite a bit in the series, but it never seems very coherent to me. So, by looking at all the pieces as a whole this is what I decided. They are a sexually trimorphic species, sort of like bees. This makes sense to me since they are supposed to have evolved from an alien bug species. There are the queens, the males, and the warriors. The warriors are drones. They are not fertile and they are produced asexually by the queen through the hive. This is seen in one episode, a queen is hooked to the hive through many tubes, and a warrior is cut out, full grown, of a placenta like sac connected to the hive. Several stages of growth are seen in these ‘placenta’. However, this is at odds with the episode where a female wraith is seen growing from a child. So, my theory is that queens and males are produced sexually and grow as children for a time where they eat food, and as they mature switch to feeding on humans. The males and queens are also the more human looking of the wraith species. I could be entirely wrong, and there might be explanations for this online somewhere, but I have never looked.

I also think that their palm vents (that’s what I’ve seen them called, I don’t like it but oh well, I can’t come up with anything better) work as another sensory organ. It is mentioned several times that the emotions a human feels when being fed on have different tastes. One I remember is a wraith saying “your defiance will taste delicious”. So, they can taste through it, I think they can taste pheromones with it. I also think that it is very sensitive, in much the same way human mouths are. When humans are young they often explore their environment through oral feeling. I think that wraith use this in the same way... I think maybe they almost work the way snakes tongues do. I think that injuring a wraith’s palm vents is almost equivalent to blinding them. They use them to help build much of the world around them and sense things around them, and without that they struggle (not only because they would starve to death.. if they didn’t heal).

I have more I could say about wraith culture and language, but that is not as coherent as the biology part (I do believe that is the science in me talking, lol). So now, my oc.

She doesn’t have a name. I don’t think wraith have spoken names, I think they are more like telepathic impulses. She was a young wraith queen who had just started feeding on humans. She was captured by one of Michael’s underlings, who wanted a queen that would be like them. However, this underling did not have a full understanding of how the science worked and messed up. Instead of making her not have to feed, he made her externally human. But, internally, she is still wraith. She cannot feed, but she still needs to. This will slowly drive her insane, but it won’t kill her because she can physically survive off food, but her hunger is never sated and it will only grow with time with no way to stop it. The wraith couldn’t figure out how to fix her either. After her transformation she managed to escape her captivity, but she had no where to go. She was too young to have a hive yet, she was now human, and she was hungry. She also wants nothing more than to very slowly and painfully kill the wraith that did this to her. He was not on the planet when she escaped, so he is still alive. She wanders around the galaxy for a time, trying to figure out what to do, and where to go. On one planet she runs into an Atlantis team and they think she is very ill and no one in the nearest village knows who she is, so they take her back to Atlantis with them. She goes along, because, well, it’s Atlantis. And she has nowhere else to go and no plan to go on, so why not. The enemy of my enemy (that’s a bit generalized, she only has one wraith enemy, but it’s enough for her) is my friend. Also, they have the retro-virus, maybe they can fix her, even though the wraith couldn’t.

Eventually, the people in Atlantis realize she’s not exactly... human... It takes them a little longer to realize What she really is, but they get there eventually. When they do, they imprison her and press her for information. She tells them that she will share some of what she knows of her people if they will help her find the wraith that did this to her. They agree and thus she becomes part of the Atlantis personnel (even if she does always have guards and has to spend a lot of time in a cell. She and Todd have some very interesting mental conversations that Tayla hates. She and Todd also sort of become buddies and they spar sometimes, these are much anticipated times by everyone because they get very very violent and extreme.). She helps teach them about wraith technology, science, etc. They learn a lot from her, but she’s very carful to never reveal too much that could harm the wraith. All this time she is still descending into madness.

After sometime of this, they manage to find the wraith she was hunting. She goes essentially feral. She leaves the Atlantian team she was being watched by to chase him down. She is screaming both out loud, and telepathically as she tears through the forest. He is running from her, terrified for his life. She catches him, and a terrible fight ensues. She manages to pin him to the ground and is screaming at him to look at what he’s done to her. Look what he turned her into. How he has defiled her. Made her less than she was. She then strangles him to death and beats his body into as much of a pulp as she possibly could. This is when the team finds her again, a crazed look on her face, covered in wraith blood, standing above a twisted broken mass that once could have been a body. While she has finally gotten her revenge, she has also completed her decent into madness. She runs from the team and spends the rest of her days patrolling the galaxy killing every wraith she comes across because in her mind they are all him now.

Anyway... uhhh, if you read that whole thing, thanks for listening to my rambling lol.

[srta-give-me-my-jax-rl]

Cinderellas and Vampires - 4° (From JAX point of view)

This fanfic is focused on Jax POV, it is an attempt to enter his mind, that is why there are few dialogues and most are memories, in one part of the story there is a particular memory based on my first fanfic where Jax goes to Lily's presentation ball and another memory based on the end of my third fanfic. If you did not read them I recommend take a look, particularly because I wrote them and I like what I write haha, Enjoy!

Book: Bloodbound

Rating: M

Disclaimer - I don’t own these characters, that honor belongs to Pixelberry studios, I’m just playing with them.

 Pairing: Jax X MC

 Tagging - @darley1101 @audrinaledior @blackcatkita @eileendannie

 If you would like to be added to my tag list, just let me know!

- "I was converted by a vampire who wanted to usurp the leaders of the Clan, He was trying to form an army, after that there was a time when I was wild, when I acted on my impulses, I did indescribable things, but... I tried to do better since then."

He had told that to Silvia, he was not a saint, not a hero; he was someone who was going to do what he had to do to survive.

The mere fact of thinking about the past gave him chills, maybe someday he had the courage to tell her about it, it was after escaping from the massacre of the clans before the attempt to overthrow them, was a time of much anger, of taking the life with profound disdain.

His dreams had been taken from him, he was the son of convicts, the anger was so deep and so rooted that killing was not in his mind other than having a cup of coffee, dying was not an option since he had been made a vampire, unless he considered sleeping in the sun, that was not the way he was going to die, he still had a lot inside that burned his blood, everyone had decided for him, his parents decided that his values were more important than spending time with his son, a Vampire decided that he was going to be a good soldier, it was as if everyone had the right to decide about his life, except him.

How to escape the revenge of the Clans and earn money at the same time? Was the thought at that time, the path he found through a dark contact led him to a clandestine governmental organization - of course - where they dealt with things that could not be said, he became an expert in cover espionage and assassination missions.

It allowed him to move in the dark and justify his need for blood, his abilities with the katana, the speed and strength of the vampires and his total detachment from values and life made him a fearsome weapon. It was money and an easy life, I had no one to explain and I had no plans to tie anyone.

It was a very dark stage of his life, which he preferred not to remember because it went against everything he believed and defended now, and probably would have continued with that life if a wake-up call, a small miracle, had not suddenly appeared, as miracles often do when we pay attention, a miracle that made him remember the values of his grandparents and finally understand and forgive his parents.

It was something simple and unexpected, one day on one of his many trips, he went to eat at a small place, not the tourist type, and ordered a Teriyaki dish, the dish was served by an old woman, this person told him it was a special recipe that he had inherited from her grandmother.

 - Welcome, what can I offer you?

- A plate of Teriyaki Chicken

- Excellent choice, our Teriyaki sauce is a very special sauce, it was a recipe passed from generation to generation and that out of respect for our ancestors we always kept alive, treasuring the dedication with which each of our parents and grandparents prepared the sauce is what that makes this dish a dish different from all the same name, said the old woman.

When the dish finally arrived, by putting a mouthful in his mouth he could no longer eat, his eyes filled with tears, he had to take a deep breath to not cry like a child, the taste was exactly like the Teriyaki cooking by his own Grandma, he remembered her face and the way she poured her heart into her food... It was like magic.

It was like a direct blow to the heart, the food had a deep connection with my essence, quickly raised my eyes waiting to see my grandmother appear any time, but that did not happen, of course she was not there anymore, but what she was, was still alive, the flavor of true heart with which my grandmother cooked was the magic that brought me back to my path - The realization hit him.

Unfortunately when I wanted to eat again in that place I could never find it again it was as if it had vanished in the air, I also understood that it must be like that.

That experience was as if he had opened a door that was closed, unusually everything overflowed but at the same time took shape, his parents were in their own way heroes, those anonymous heroes that nobody recognizes, but who are key pieces in the changes deep.

They believed in getting involved to get change, they believed that being together strengthened the sense of community, they believed in fighting for their ideals, he had moved away from that path and that certainty hit him like lightning from that moment on. Return to being and doing, what he knew how to do, what taught him to be, a person with values.

He shook his head as if trying to clear the mist, and returning to the present point, reclining in his room which accommodated him like a home, his mind wandered to the person who he was now, the person that was lost for a while.

In trying to reunite vampires without clan, it became his new mission, and he left behind everything that tied him to anger, but that did not change the fact that he was a renegade, a kind of Robin Hood, but without Lady Marion.

He always pictured Lady Marion as portrayed of beauty, confidence, and sincere specially related with her love of Robin Hood.

Maybe if I knew someone with Marion's independence, and her equity to Robin, a strong female maybe, he could think in have a partner, but that was only a fantasy.

Until she appears, Until his Lady Marion appeared, Silvia again Silvia, how uninterrupted melody echoing in her head.

Griff thought it was funny to imply that he was a kind of Don Juan, claiming that he knew (all beautiful women without clan) remembered the look that crossed Silvia's eyes upon hearing those words…

Of course, I had been with women, I was not a monk, but I was clear that to maintain a cause I should not involve their feelings, feelings bind us, slow us down, could not afford that luxury - he explains to himself

I knew that Adrian had a new assistant, he thought that maybe he could convince her to help if he got her to sympathize with the cause, it was simply an action to help the clanless, but something went wrong... not as planned.

Not because she did not want to help rather the opposite, she immediately understood his fight, the problem was that from the first moment he saw her his heart jumped, as if he knew her before.

She had this very bad habit of always getting into trouble, and I had the strong need to watch over her, she was not like most humans, after saving her from the Baron's prison, Silvia wanted to know, she was not afraid, she didn't judge, she wanted to know who the clanless were, she doesn’t keep only with the information they gave it, she took another step, and not only that, she voluntarily agreed to feed him in return for having saved her.

All this was the information that had been processed to justify his irrational behavior, the constant appearance of it in his mind and the explanation to act against everything that until then had believed correct, this time it was not a loss of values, but of a loss of will.

He had not been a vampire for a long time, it seemed like an eternity, but he was not, ten years as the leader of the Clanless, compared to the leaders of the Clans, he was just a newborn, but he had seen many things, and he always stayed on the sidelines, leading to Griff's joke about girls.

Therefore, it wasn’t a rational explanation for his urgent need to know what it meant to her, the stupid question escaped from his mouth before reaching the brain.

- So that is all I am to you? A tool?

 Suddenly, out of the blue, I was willing to do whatever was necessary to help her. To be able to offer her even if it was only her ear, to show her that she could count on him even if it was not in the same way as Adrian, he did not have the resources, but he wanted her to know that he was there too, that it could be for her, after the attack on Lily, it was a burning desire, it needed to be for her.

Appearing at the dance was something that regret, not because of the conversation they had or the kiss they shared, it was because of Adrián's interruption, because when Adrián took her back to the castle, I disappeared annoyed, angry, and was not there when I needed in the attack of the ferals and I could not help her, because I let my feelings cloud my vision, but Silvia not only did not get upset, but she came to me without hesitation, she came to look for me remembering that she had told her to count on me.

There was something about her, she was very brave entering an unknown world, regardless of the consequences and it was not that she was not afraid, it was that she was going to cross it no matter what, as if fear was not able to impede her path It could not be seen with the naked eye but if you looked closely, you could see the battle that Silvia was going through, that only made her more attractive. It was not the absence of fear it was the willingness to continue no matter how difficult everything was.

Even knowing his battle I could not let go of my doubt, what did she feel for Adrian? How important was he in her life?

- "And why the hell would I risk it ALL for him?”

It was all he could say, he did not want to sound selfish, but was out of his mouth, why did he ask her that? Why was so important her answer?

- It's not like you think, she answered

- What's like then?

 Of course, I could not say, that I needed to be her priority, that I wanted she chooses me, so I could only say:

- I took a huge risk saving Adrian's life. I did it because you told me it was in the interest of my people. That he'd keep us safe.

 But Adrian was not in a position to help us, and she was by his side, so I wielded a beautiful explanation to separate us

- My people need me. Now more than ever. If this city is going to war, they are going to be caught in the middle. I can not just cut and run on them.

Would she choose to stay with me or go with Adrian?

I said sarcastically:

- We gotta stop parting like this, you could... come with me. If you wanted (but she won’t leave Adrian)

It was the second time she left, the first time was after our meeting after the attack of the ferals despite feeling like one, again the separation, the distance, she was again leaving with Adrian…

- I'll come back for YOU, she said

Of course, it was me who went to look for her again, seeing that her life was in danger no matter if she chose Adrian, if she always chose Adrian, I was going to help her, one and a thousand times with that obsession of always being in danger not It gave me the option to let her go.

When the battle ended, on returning to the city, Silvia took my hand strongly as if fearing that it would take her away

After becoming a member of the clans and putting some order in my life, in order the commitments, in order the ambitions, to be able to do that was a dream something that seems like a fantasy, all that every wish for, but somehow everything lost interest at the thought of her leaving, that she was not there.

He could smell his fear, he did not want to scare her, he was also scared, maybe more scared than he ever was in his life before the possibility of losing his life, but this time it was different, this time what he could lose was everything what really mattered to him.

Suddenly everything became meaningful, like that miracle in the restaurant, nothing mattered anymore, neither his fear, nor hers, nor how or why, the only thing that made sense was to be together, because despite having left twice, her heart was always with him, and his was long ago with her.

I do not know who she was or what was going to happen to us but I knew that I needed her in my life, that I could not imagine a life without her, I did not know how to tell her, I had never been very good with words, in fact never I need them too much until now that I wanted to say something and I did not know how...

[theonetruenorth]

Yours is the light

This fic reads a little bit differently. It doesn’t have a lot of dialogue and some parts of it may seem packed with information. That’s because it started as an ‘extended headcanon post’ sort of thing and then got away from me (and by now this shouldn't surprise anyone who knows me).

It’s my take on the ‘alpha/beta/omega’ universe. But I decided to give it a twist and take some of the A/B/O stereotypes and turn them on their collective heads.

In other words, this is actually as different from the A/B/O trope as I could make it and still get away with calling is an A/B/O fic.

Beta-read by RomanceShipper

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

yours is the light by which my spirit’s born: yours is the darkness of my soul’s return you are my sun, my moon, and all my stars

― E.E. Cummings

The first time Alec questioned his status was when he was ten years old.

Up until that point, he never even had a reason to think about secondary genders and what the consequences of being an alpha, beta, or omega were. He was just a kid. He had no use for the adult stuff when there were so many other more important and interesting things to learn, things like runes and archery and the history of Nephilim.

Then the whole debacle with Preston happened. He thought that everyone would be happy with him for adapting, and finally finding a way to beat the boy at kendo practice, despite Preston being nearly two years older than him. He listened to his mother’s advice and went against his training. Preston’s nose cracked under his shinai as a result.

Preston himself didn’t react badly - other than being embarrassed that the younger kid, whom he used to beat regularly, suddenly managed to kick his ass instead - but oh, Preston’s mother went ballistic. Alec remembered how she shouted at Maryse. She insisted that Alec should be put in his place like ‘the filthy little omega he reeked of’ and that he should be punished for insubordination and hurting her alpha son.

Alec also remembered how Maryse growled at the other woman. There was some vicious exchange of words that he couldn’t hear before Preston’s mother all but ran from the training room with the metaphorical tail between her legs.

Later that evening, when Alec was done cleaning all the weapons in the Institute, as a part of his punishment for going against Hodge’s training (a job he didn’t really mind that much), he asked Maryse about what Preston’s mother had said. Maryse sat him down on his bed and explained to him how the secondary genders worked. She told him about alphas and their dominant personalities. About betas and their hard work and neutrality that helped to keep society balanced.

And she told him about omegas. How they were incredibly rare, especially among boys. How they could carry children if they wanted and how every alpha would be lucky to have them as a partner. She told him that omegas were smart and had sharp, tactical minds, and were born leaders. She told him that nearly every great figure in the history of mankind was a confirmed omega. Alexander the Great or Julius Caesar or Napoleon Bonaparte, to name a few.

Alec didn’t understand why Preston’s mother was so upset with him and in turn, Maryse explained pheromones. How Alec already smelled slightly of omega and that he would probably present soon. Preston’s mother was the type of person who was envious of the gifts that omegas were blessed with.

“There will be people in your life who will treat you like you’re worth less than them, just because of your status,” she told him. “But there will be just as many people who will cherish you for what you are.”

Maryse told Alec, again and again, that what he did with his life was his choice and his alone. He didn’t have to put up with anyone who didn’t respect him if he didn’t want to. The world would be his for the taking. As long as he was dutiful to the Clave and the nephilim’s sacred mission, he could be anyone he wanted to be. The Head of the Institute. The Inquisitor. The Consul. No one would be able to stop him if he truly wished to become a great leader.

Alec could still remember the genuinely proud look in Maryse’s eyes when he presented as an omega a little over a year later.

The life of an omega wasn’t any different than the life of an alpha or a beta.

Ever since presenting, Alec was prescribed heat-blocking shots, just like the alphas. Since he presented so early, he wasn’t allowed to go through a heat until he was fourteen. Only then did the doctor’s at the Institute switch him over to the regular blockers that lasted about six months, allowing a heat to happen twice a year to keep his body healthy.

Heats were a nuisance for Alec. He had to isolate himself from all alphas - except for his parents - and Izzy, who was a beta. Alec always spent his heats away in their house in Alicante for two long, uncomfortable days during which his temperature spiked and he felt like his entire body was itching. Thankfully, as long as there were no alphas around to trigger him further, that was pretty much it. There were no inconvenient erections, no rush of hormones that made him impossibly horny (no more than was normal for a teenager, anyway), and no spontaneous leaking; that particular thought left him mortified. No, all of those things would happen only with a compatible alpha, and Alec had never shared a heat with anyone.

He even had to stay away from Jace, who presented as an alpha just a year after him. He couldn’t risk it. Jace was his brother in every way but blood, but apparently it was the blood that made the difference. His feelings for Jace made everything worse since he was sure that his parabatai would trigger his heat so fast it would make his head spin.

It wasn’t exactly a secret that out of all three secondary genders, it was the alphas who were the strongest, the most aggressive, the most territorial. It was well-known.

It was also completely wrong.

Because of the rarity of omegas, people believed that they were either submissive or neutral, like betas. Not many people were educated on how dangerous a threatened omega could be. Those that were educated?

Their knowledge often came from a personal experience.

The group of boys who cornered Alec in an isolated part of the Institute had the brilliant idea of putting the resident omega on his knees, to see if he would ‘get wet for them like the bitch that he was’. There were five of them. Alec had just hit a growth spurt not so long ago, but he was still only sixteen and they were all older and bigger than him. He didn’t have any weapons on him and was severely outnumbered.

Alec didn’t know he would need weapons in his own home. He had not experienced this kind of behavior before, this kind of degradation and aggression, aimed at him just because of his status as an omega. Polite disinterest was the worst thing that ever happened, not that he minded. It was better than the curious, interested looks he had been receiving for the past couple of months. Izzy had joked about it. She told Alec that it was because he was turning from an ‘awkward turtle into a beautiful swan’, whatever the hell that meant. Alec always rolled his eyes at her, but maybe even that joke had some truth to it. Was that why he was getting harassed now?

It didn’t matter.

The corner of Alec’s lip twitched in an imitation of a smirk, all sharp teeth and disdain. He was not going to give them what they wanted.

When other shadowhunters came running moments later, alarmed by the sounds of fighting, Alec had a broken rib and a black eye, but the five guys were on the ground either unconscious or moaning in pain, all of them looking far worse than Alec. One of them was missing half of his right ear. When Maryse arrived at the scene, Alec greeted her with a red-tinted grin. The blood running down his lips and chin was not his own.

Calming an omega down from a feral episode was not easy, but Maryse was the only alpha Alec yielded to. She coaxed him out of the corner, where he stood to ensure no one attacked his vulnerable back. She led him to the infirmary, where she held an ice pack to his ribs and drew a fresh iratze on his skin.

“I’m so incredibly proud of you, my sweet boy,” Maryse whispered into his hair as he hid his face in the crook of her neck, taking shallow breaths and fighting against the pain that came as the adrenaline rush ebbed away. The red haze of the anger-fight-survive instincts that clouded his mind was receding, chased away by his mother’s tender words and the familiar scent of her perfume. “I’m so proud of how well you fought and how you protected yourself.”

Alec never saw those boys again. He was sure Maryse put the fear of the Angel in them and made them transfer away from New York as soon as they could walk again.

As a general rule, Alec tended to be wary whenever an alpha warlock showed even a little bit of interest in him.

It was a given fact that warlocks were infertile, but what many didn’t realize is that it wasn’t completely true. It wasn’t common, but a male alpha warlock could father a child with an omega female or male, but only of different species, like a Seelie or a werewolf.

Or a Nephilim.

Alec wasn’t aware of this fact until he ran point on a mission to capture and arrest Iris Rouse, a notorious dark magic user. She managed to flee before they got to her, but she escaped in a hurry, leaving her experiments behind.

Her hideout was a thing of nightmares.

Rooms were filled with brainwashed omegas - Seelies, wolves, and even mundanes - some of them in late stages of pregnancy. The entire building reeked of dark magic, misery, and pain. As soon as Alec entered those blasted rooms, he knew that none of the omegas were there of their own free will.

At first, Alec didn’t understand how it was possible. Omegas who went through extreme trauma - physical or emotional - couldn’t conceive. Fertility during heats required a deep emotional bond between partners, and that sure as hell couldn’t happen in that horrific breeding house.

Later, much later, Izzy came to him with lab results. Through the combination of magic, potions, and drugs Iris managed to brainwash her victims into a state similar to heat and even imitated a bond between mated pairs, making sure that the omega’s body didn’t fight the unwanted pregnancy.

She had been kidnapping omegas for months. She had been renting them out like broodmares to alpha warlocks and demons, to create more warlocks. She had done all of this under his nose, in his city. Alec made a promise to himself, and to the rescued omegas and their unborn children, that he would find Iris Rouse and make her pay.

When Clary Fray entered their lives - along with her beta friend, Simon - she brought chaos with her to an extent that he really did not appreciate. She refused to play by the rules. She did whatever the hell she wanted and somehow seemed to pull everyone into her quest to find her mother.

Jace became enamored with her almost immediately, which only added insult to injury. Clary was an alpha, just like Jace, but that didn’t mean much. These days it didn’t matter what your secondary gender was, you could date whoever you wanted. Heck, even his parents were an alpha pair, which wasn’t something that would have happened forty or fifty years ago.

Clary didn’t know how to act around omegas. Alec very much enjoyed putting her in her place after the first time she tried to order and intimidate him, under the utterly foolish impression that he would yield to her.

Alec had never yielded to anyone but his mother in his entire life. Even the Clave officials have never seen a submission from him, only polite manners and professionalism that he used with everyone.

But then...then Clary led them to Magnus Bane.

All the silly romance movies Izzy had made him watch could not have prepared him for the lightning that struck when he saw Magnus clearly for the first time, after fighting those Circle members together.

He felt numb and buzzed with restless energy at the same time, as if he had an electric current pulsing underneath his skin. The apartment smelled of battle and blood and magic, but beneath that Alec could detect other, subtler scents. Something wild and primal that he couldn’t describe. It smelled like the air after a thunderstorm, like ozone and wet dirt. Like cedar and rosemary and woodsmoke, all wrapped up in one alluring package.

“I don’t think we’ve been formally introduced,” Magnus said to him, and Alec forgot how to breathe. He could only stare at the most gorgeous man - an alpha - he had seen in his life. He barely managed to choke out his own name. He was torn between the desperate need to stay, to keep the warlock in his sight, and the need to run away and hide in the embarrassed of his own incoherent mumbling.

But of course, everything went to shit quickly when he screwed up during the summoning of the memory demon. Magnus tried to comfort him afterward, saying that he had nothing to be ashamed of. His voice was low and it sent a shiver down Alec’s spine. He could still remember the jolt of energy that jumped between their hands as they’d touched for the first time, just moments before. Alec could still feel it buzzing underneath his skin, like a phantom caress of invisible fingers. From the look Magnus was giving him, Alec was sure the alpha felt it too.

He agreed to go out on a date.

Alec still didn’t know what possessed him to say yes. Maybe it was the way Magnus trembled in his arms while Alec held him up and shared his strength as he healed Luke. Maybe it was the vulnerable look Magnus gave him afterward. Or maybe it was the fact that Magnus had seen him as an equal, someone worthy of asking for help.

Alec didn’t understand it. Never in his life had he felt this kind of attraction to anyone, ever. It was like some stupid, primal part of him woke up and reared its head every time Magnus appeared in his sights. Like the part that made him an omega suddenly longed for an alpha like it never did before.

He didn’t like it.

He wasn’t ashamed of being an omega, no matter how some people resented him for his secondary gender. But he didn’t like to feel as if he was missing something. He didn’t like to feel incomplete without an alpha to fill that empty space inside of him.

And yet, whenever he was near Magnus or heard his voice, his heart resonated with such intense longing that it made his breath catch.

So Alec did the only thing he knew he could do. He talked to his mother.

He didn’t tell her that it was a warlock who caused such a strong reaction in him. He wasn’t stupid, he knew what his mother thought of Downworlders. He told her about the conflicting feelings, about the sudden yearning he couldn’t explain. He wasn’t afraid of telling her that the alpha who made him feel that way was a man. Thankfully, the gender of your mate wasn’t an issue when you were an omega capable of carrying children either way.

“Oh, Alec,” Maryse sighed as she raised her hand and touched his cheek gently as they sat together on the couch in her office, “it sounds to me like you found your mate.”

And wasn’t that a terrifying prospect.

“Just like that? I don’t even know him. I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life with him?”

Which wasn’t entirely true, Alec knew. There was no such thing as fated pairs, even though the romance flicks liked to overuse the trope. Each person had many possibilities of mates they could meet at any point in their lives. Furthermore, all relationships required work and patience, not just fate. Finding a possible mate did not mean that Alec had to tie himself to them indefinitely. People fall in and out of love all the time, and mating did not have to mean life-long commitment. Mating bonds could be broken and forged anew with different people at any given time.

“You’re not supposed to do anything but find out if he’s your match,” Maryse told him fiercely. “No one can force you to do anything you don’t want to do. This is your life, Alec, and only you can decide what makes you happy.”

And so he did.

They went on dates.

Alec was apprehensive at first. Magnus was an alpha warlock, and that always lit up a warning light in him due to the Iris Rouse case, which was still open. What could Magnus - beautiful, powerful Magnus - want with a plain, boring shadowhunter like himself? The fact that he was an omega had to play some important part in all of this. The fact that he could carry children for a warlock had to mean something.

And yet, during the dates they went on he couldn’t help but find himself falling more and more for Magnus. The alpha was a perfect gentleman, not pushing him any further than he was comfortable with, and always careful of not invading Alec’s personal space.

“I lived in times where an omega was considered property of an alpha,” Magnus told him one evening, “and I think it was one of the darkest parts of history. If I ever start acting like a caveman, feel free to shoot me full of arrows.”

It was a little over a month of dating - that no one except for Izzy and Jace knew about - that he kissed Magnus for the first time.

They were saying goodbye after a date night, which started at a Greek restaurant and ended with drinks at Magnus’ place. Magnus was just about to open a portal that would take Alec back to the Institute when Alec gently grasped his elbow, backed Magnus against a wall and kissed him. It was not fast and sudden. No, he had given Magnus enough time to stop him, but the warlock merely tilted his head up into the kiss.

It was Alec’s first kiss. It started out a little hesitantly, a little clumsily, and very much without finesse, but what he lacked in experience he made up in enthusiasm. His body was crowding Magnus’ against the wall, which the alpha didn’t mind much, at first. Then he pulled Alec close by circling his waist, bit gently at Alec’s lower lip and took over the kiss, dominating it completely and utterly. Alec all but melted against him and the empty, burning void inside of him started aching a little less.

Alec chose to spend his next heat in Alicante once more, not ready to share a heat with Magnus when they still had not even seen each other naked. It was rougher than usual, if only because his mind kept circling back to Magnus over and over again, making him more aroused than he was comfortable with. He was insanely grateful that heats spent in isolation lasted only two days.

He hoped that by the time his next heat came, in another six months, he would be ready to share it with Magnus.

“A warlock, Alec? Really?!”

His mother’s voice was loud and somewhat shrill, the disbelief ringing clear across every word. It grated on his nerves, made his hackles rise and buzz underneath his skin like an itch he could not scratch.

Lately, everything he did was met with some kind of disapproval, but he didn’t have time for this. Hodge had betrayed them. Jace was missing and still in Valentine’s grasp. And, while his parents played politics in Idris, trying to smooth things out with the Clave, Alec had been desperately trying to get his parabatai back.

Then, of course, things had to get worse. Maryse came back to New York two days prior and someone had already reported to her that Alec and Magnus had been dating for months. How they found out, Alec had no idea. Although, it was bound to be revealed sooner or later, especially since Alec did not intend to let Magnus go anytime soon.

“You know how alpha warlocks are,” Maryse hissed, venom dripping from her words, “they only want one thing from omegas like you! You can give them something they otherwise can’t have and I can’t believe you would fall for Bane’s deception. You’re going to drag the Lightwood name through the mud for him?”

“There isn’t a lot of good reputation to our name left, Mother, and that is your fault, not mine,” Alec spat out, trying to keep his anger reigned in, feeling it rise inside of him, wave after dangerous wave. “I don’t have the time for this. Jace is still gone, Aldertree is making our work more difficult than it should be, and I don’t have to justify myself to you.”

“I didn’t raise you to be some warlocks whore!” Maryse grabbed his shoulder when he turned around to leave and that was it, the fragile control he had over his own emotions snapped at the sound of her authoritative tone.

“ENOUGH!” Alec growled at her as he spun around and grabbed her by the wrist, yanking the offending hand away from his shoulder. She took an instinctive step back and, through the red haze of fury, Alec noticed how her eyes went wide, how a brief expression of fear flashed through her face. It brought him grim sense of satisfaction, knowing she didn’t expect his outburst. Alec wasn’t prone to anger often and never, ever, had he turned that anger on her.

Not until now.

“You once told me that no one has the right to tell me how to live my life,” Alec hissed, his tone low and husky, and with a hint of steel underneath his words. “That no one can tell me how to achieve my own happiness, or who I should tie myself to, as long as it was my choice. Well, this is my choice and you don’t get to have a say in it. I will not allow you to talk about Magnus that way. Not now, not ever. If he’s a mistake - which I highly doubt - he will be my mistake. You don’t have the right to interfere. You are my mother, but you’re not my alpha. Not anymore. Do I make myself clear?”

Alec watched her process this, her face turning more pale. When she didn’t reply, he squeezed her wrist a little more. She was probably going to have bruises. Alec would feel guilty about them later, but at this very point he could not bring himself to care.

“I said, is that clear?”

“Yes,” she finally said and he released her, but to her credit she didn’t move away, didn’t step back away from him. “Oh, Alec…”

She reached out to him, both hands raising to his face and he resisted the urge to flinch. He wasn’t sure what she was playing at, but he wasn’t about to yield to her. He wasn’t lying when he said she was not his alpha anymore. There was only one he would yield to now, and that was not his mother.

Maryse cradled his face between her hands, gently and cautiously, her eyes softening a little as she took in the hardened expression on his face. The narrowed eyes shining with suspicion, and anger boiling inside of him, ready to burn her. He was still and unmoving and towering over her, ready to snap at any further provocation. Alec was half-feral and in protective mode. And an angered or threatened omega was dangerous.

But he was still her son, and she was the one responsible for putting him in this state.

“Magnus is the one you told me about,” Maryse said, sudden understanding in her voice. She was running her thumbs soothingly down Alec’s sharp cheekbones, hoping that the familiar gesture would help calm him down. “Easy now, easy. I didn’t mean to make you so angry.” Her soft whispers eased some of the tension from Alec’s shoulders, just like they always did when she brought him down from the adrenaline rush that triggered feral episodes. “I’m so sorry, my sweet boy. I didn’t understand. I know now that he’s your mate.”

Alec closed his eyes and shivered, thinking about Magnus. His loving eyes and soothing scent and reverent touch. He had never put a label on their relationship, but his mother was not wrong. The intense, painful longing he felt whenever they were apart, the elation that filled him to the brim whenever he was near the older man, when he could breathe in his scent, touch his warm skin. It all sounded like an incomplete bond.

And Magnus...

Magnus was his mate.

Alec turned his head to nuzzle deeper into the pillow and desperately tried to forget about the disaster of an evening they’d just had. Max’s party had been a failure due to the spell that was cast over all of them. Because of Alec’s overwhelming guilt over Jocelyn's death, elevated by the spell, he’d nearly thrown himself over Magnus’ balcony. He didn’t do it, but it was close. The only thing that stopped him, seconds before it was too late, was the faint, barely-there scent he caught in Magnus’ apartment.

The memory of it was stuck in his head. His mind snapped out of the spell’s hold as soon as he caught trace of it. It was a scent he could never forget. A bizarre mix of tulips, ginger root, and dust. He would forever associate this scent with the stench of terror and pain and suffering.

He ran through the apartment trying to locate the source. His frantic behavior must have been enough to alarm the others. Magnus tried to get his attention, to calm him down, but it wasn’t working. Alec seemed to be focused only on his task, hell-bent on finding the threat and eliminating it.

How dare she? How could she come into this apartment, into their territory, and hide away like a coward? Just the faintest trace of her scent was enough to make Alec’s hackles rise and his skin crawl. This time she was not going to get away from him.

He found her in Magnus’ bedroom, disguised in the form of a cat. Alec rushed at her, but she shifted into human form just in time to cast a spell that pushed him back.

Iris Rouse.

What happened afterward, Alec wasn’t sure. He couldn’t remember most of it. He’d been immobilized with magic for half of the fight and then blinded with rage for the rest of it. He knew that Magnus fought Iris and trapped her in his own spell. He knew that Jace had to hold Alec down to keep him away from tearing into Iris with his bare hands. He would have. He would have choked the life out of her there on the spot if he only had a chance. But now she was in Idris, awaiting the Clave’s judgment.

And he was here, in Magnus’ bed hiding his face in a soft pillow, trying to muffle the world around him. He wasn’t running high on adrenaline anymore, but his body hadn’t gotten the memo. Every muscle in his body was tense and he was ready to fight, even though his brain already knew there was nothing more to be done.

He didn’t flinch when he felt the bed dip next to him. Then Magnus was there, lying down next to Alec, his arm coming around Alec’s shoulders to hold him close.

“She’s gone, Alec. You can rest now.”

Alec made a wounded, angry sound and abandoned his pillow, choosing to hide his face away in the crook of Magnus’ neck instead. The warlock’s scent there was strong, easing his mind a little, filling his lungs as he took in shaky breaths.

“The things she did to those omegas,” Alec rasped out, trying desperately not to think back to the horrors of Iris’ experiments and failing. Every time he closed his eyes he could see Iris’ victims. He couldn’t stop his mind from going in circles and wondering what stroke of luck had spared him from the same fate, from being bound and broken and violated in a way you couldn’t ever recover from, not really. As a male omega, he would have been an attractive target for Iris, if she only knew of his existence. “I could have killed her. I will kill her if I ever see her again.”

“She’s going to pay for what she’s done,” Magnus whispered as he ran his fingers through Alec’s black hair in an attempt to calm him down. Alec’s scent filled the air between them. It was sour, unhappy, and that put Magnus on edge as well. “And you are the one who figured out she was here in the first place. You caught an intruder in my lair.” Magnus paused for a moment. “In our lair. You did good, love.”

Their lair. That sounded… nice. A space that they could share as one territory, theirs to protect. To nest in. It was something that usually only happened between mated pairs and Alec couldn’t help the warm, happy feeling that bloomed deep in his chest.

They took their relationship to the next level not long after that since Alec didn’t want his first time to happen in the middle of his heat. He didn’t want the rush of hormones and haze of lust to cloud the experience.

And oh, it was definitely an experience. Alec grew up thinking he would always be alone since he never showed interest in any alpha, but this? This was something else. Magnus worshipped his body, taught him the wonders of shared intimacy that were just on the razor edge of being overwhelming.

Alec let himself fall, knowing that Magnus would be there to catch him.

“Your mother and I always had a complicated relationship.”

Alec snorted in disbelief, not lifting his eye from the tablet in his hand as he scanned over the latest report from the previous night’s patrol. The group had not encountered anything out of the ordinary, which gave Alec hope that things might finally be leveling out, even just a little bit. Valentine was in custody and most of his followers were scattered. The Clave had acknowledged his leadership in the battle, thankfully disregarding Alec's rebellion against Aldertree.

Everything led up to this moment. Discovering Izzy’s addiction. Taking back control of the Institute. The battle. Confronting Valentine and his shadowhunters. And now the Clave had named him Head of the Institute. This was what he had been aiming for ever since he was a child.

“It’s not complicated.” Alec put down the tablet after signing off on the report, sending it to be archived. He finally looked up at his father, sitting on one of the sofas in his office. His office. It still blew his mind. “You cheated on her.”

“I made a mistake,” Robert said, looking down for a moment before shifting his gaze to Alec once more. “I never meant to hurt you, any of you. But I fell in love. You of all people should know what that’s like.”

“Magnus isn’t an affair!” Alec growled, slamming an open palm down on the desk, the sudden loud thump making Robert twitch in response. “I won’t allow you to disrespect him. He is my mate. And mom was yours. Until you decided to throw it all away.”

They were silent for a minute. Alec closed his eyes and took deep breaths, trying to control his feelings. Ever since realizing what Magnus meant to him, his emotions were all over the place. Logically, he knew it was a period of adjustment that he needed to get through. The fierce protectiveness over his mate would ease away in time, but until then he was ready to go to war for Magnus, even against his own father.

“I can understand falling for someone else,” Alec finally said. “People fall in and out of love all the time. That’s just how life is. You don’t have to stay with your mate for the rest of your days.” He looked at his father and saw the tiniest flicker of hope in his eyes, a hope for reconciliation.

He was about to crush that hope, hard, and didn’t feel any remorse.

“But going behind Mom’s back, continuing your affair? That’s what I can’t forgive. You should have ended things with Mom before you started seeing someone else. But now you’re not being truthful to either of them. You’re just another alpha being led around by his knot.”

“Alec!” Robert’s expression turned angry and he stood up from his seat, his entire body one tense line. “I won’t allow you to talk to me like that!”

“Why?” Alec asked, raising an eyebrow. “Because I am an omega? So is your mistress, remember?”

“Because you’re my son! You will show me some respect.”

“Respect is earned, Dad.” Alec hissed, narrowing his eyes. He remained seated behind his desk, anger churning inside of him freely, but it was the icy-cold kind of fury that washed over him with a false sense of tranquility. He did not need to shout or get angry to get his point across. “It’s also as easily lost, and you lost all respect I had for you when you chose to hurt your family. Mom was your mate for over twenty years - she deserved more than being cheated on and made into the new hot gossip of Idris.”

“Alec, you don’t have the right to--”

“I have every right,” Alec interrupted him, his voice low and dangerous. Robert’s eyes widened when he realized that he was stepping on thin ice now. “Out of the two of you, it was Mom who was my alpha. It was never you. She was my alpha and you broke her heart.”

Alec had hurt people for less.

“Unless it’s official business, we have nothing more to talk about.” Alec picked up his previously discarded tablet and turned it on. “Not until you fix your own mess. Now, I have the Institute to run. I trust you can let yourself out.”

“Alec…” Robert’s voice was quiet and defeated now, but Alec wasn’t looking at him any more.

“You can go,” Alec said and sighed with relief when Robert left his office without a word.

“Are you nervous?”

Magnus’ breath washed over the heated skin of his forehead and Alec closed his eyes as he shivered, half in anticipation and half in fear.

“Yes,” he finally admitted, his voice shaky, “I’m not sure what’s going to happen.”

Which wasn’t entirely true. Alec had academic knowledge of how heats should go, he wasn’t going into it blind. He knew that his heat would last from two to four days, during which his temperature would spike and, if a compatible alpha was near, he would experience a heightened state of arousal. Not enough to make his crazy with it (no matter how online porn liked to pretend that omegas in heat turned into knot-obsessed slaves that alphas could do anything with) but enough to make things very uncomfortable if he didn’t have sex. His pheromones would, in turn, trigger an alpha into a rut so that they could go through their heats together.

It all sounded very… clinical. Alec wasn’t sure how he felt about the aspects of his biology that only happened during heats. He wasn’t looking forward to experiencing the feeling of producing his own slick or having Magnus knot him - something he was pretty sure was going to hurt, at least at first.

He tried to approach it like a battle for which he could plan ahead. He scheduled himself a week off work, just in case this first heat went for longer than usual, which wasn’t uncommon. He left his siblings in charge and threatened them with bodily harm if they disturbed them for any reason, save for the apocalypse dropping on their heads or Raziel himself demanding his attention.

He also made sure his contraceptive shot was still active since he had no intention of having a child anytime soon. Alec had been wary of admitting this to Magnus, but the warlock only smiled, told Alec that it was his decision and he had all the time in the world to wait and see if he changed his mind one day.

So, all in all, Alec felt like he was ready.

Despite all this knowledge, despite all the facts he had researched and learned about, nothing could have prepared him for actually feeling the effects of the heat. The hot rush of pure want that filled him as they laid on the bed together touching and kissing, the need building up like an inferno, making Alec’s skin feel like it was on fire. The fabric of his clothes seemed like a branding iron, scalding and hurting, and he whined in the back of his throat at the uncomfortable feeling.

“You don’t need to be scared,” Magnus said, kissing Alec in between sentences. Pressing small, brief kisses over his lips, the bridge of his nose, his closed eyelids. “I’ll take care of you.”

“I know,” Alec panted, squirming a little until he could reach to strip off his shirt and then yanked Magnus’ own tunic off his body, relishing in the way cool air hit his overheated skin, “I trust you.”

That was what this was. For over a decade, he'd spent his heats alone, in isolation from the outside world. Now he had finally found someone who he trusted with his life, with his body. Someone who would stay with him when he was the most vulnerable.

“Magnus,” Alec whispered as the warlock shifted them around until Alec ended up on his back, Magnus nestled in between his legs. They were both hard. Alec shivered.

“How do you feel?” Magnus asked, pressing their foreheads together. One of his hands settled over Alec’s sternum, feeling his heart beating wildly inside of his chest like a bird caught in a cage.

“Hot,” Alec panted. “Too hot. Is it… is it always like this?”

“Yes, but it will get better. It’s just the first rush. It will ease soon.” Magnus kissed him again slowly, possessively, owning Alec’s mouth and Alec surrendered with the sweetest sigh.

“Can you feel it?” Alec asked after a moment, gripping onto Magnus’ hair with trembling fingers as the warlock mouthed at his neck, covering it in his marks. “The bond?”

Magnus made an affirmative noise and Alec closed his eyes, focusing on the feeling. The beginning of a bond thrumming between them. He had felt it for the last couple of months, but it would only be complete with a shared heat. Alec was more than ready to take the leap, to tie himself to this wonderful, brilliant man who turned out to be his shining star, his beacon towards which he had been gravitating his entire life.

Alec allowed himself to fall apart, trusting Magnus to put him back together. To gather all his broken pieces and make him whole again, until Alec felt brand new and loved and complete.

[hyttesanger]

II

Upon regaining consciousness, Mijoo feels surreal.

Is that my ceiling? That abstract, soggy, yellowish spots looks familiar... Her limbs hurt, her whole body feels like one giant wound. There's something cold and hard pressed against one of her cheeks. Everything is blur, mixed with hazy fragments of memory from last night; sledgehammer hand struck her, she was sent flying across the stage, shadow of a woman mouthing something intangible... "Oh. She's awake." Mijoo jolts upright as soon as Soojung's face comes to her vision, clear and real and only few inches apart from hers. They collide hard, ice pack flies down Mijoo's cheek, the smaller woman falls off the edge of the bed, both scream in pain. "Fucking fuck do you really like to smack or throw something at people's head when they're sleeping?" Mijoo screams, rubbing the blue skin around her left eye which has bloated badly. "It's you who got up without warning!" Well, Sooujung certainly has a point here. "Hold on. Why are you even here?" She gives a quick once over, and yep, this is her house; a large room functioning as both bedroom and living space. Mijoo doesn't have actual kitchen, the stove, small fridge, and various cooking utensils are all dumped in wooden table which looks ready to collapse any time. Couch, stools made from wood and plastic materials, the furnitures aren't matching with one another, like they were picked from different wasteyards. Her entire place smells like combination of nicotine and whatever dinner Mijoo had yesterday thanks to jammed windows. The roof is leaking badly especially in rainy season, hence stains all over drywall. To sum up, it's not a property one would proudly show to their guests. Why would a rich woman give a visit to this kind of place? Before Soojung ever has chance to open her mouth, a guy who's been half asleep the whole time on a ratty single couch placed right in the middle of the room - introduced himself as Son Hyunwoo last night - already beats her to it. "She showed up when we're about to drag your ass off the stage and insisted she wanted to come with us. Friend of yours, she said..." "Oh right, Hyunwoo-ah! The match! Did I—" "Yea. I hate to be one who always announce bad news.." He says while yawning. "But I think we would have to stick to being vegetarian again this week." "Shit! I was so close to get a million with my record last night!" Mijoo wails, punching the wall beside her in frustration, then belatedly realizes her forearm is also injured. Soojung watches in amusement as she yells another cuss and Hyunwoo mumbles something that closely sounds like idiot child. "It's okay I was just kidding about the vegan part, Hyunseung hyung and I managed to secure enough for us to endure." Hyunwoo waves his hand calmly to dismiss the worry sprawled on his friend's feature. He gets up lazily from the couch that is too tiny for her huge built. "Now if you would excuse me, I have part time job awaits and I kinda not want to disturb you and your.. Uh.. Friend." It is when Hyunwoo makes his way towards the door they catch the sight of three other heads peeking behind the decayed, unpolished plywood; one is male and the other is female with shoulder length, jet black hair. They are people who were with Mijoo last night. Comes another voice from the third person behind them, the woman is first to turn around. Both Mijoo and Soojung cannot quite make out the conversation, but it sounds pretty much like someone inquiring something regarding last night and that woman replies with playful scandalous tone, "... she ran up to the stage right away even before us and tried to take her to hospital! Oh if only you'd been there to witness.. It's like a nauseating tearful scene from romance drama..." "Yah Yoon Bora quit spreading non-sense, you rotten bitch!" Mijoo barks from her bed, and the not-so-discreet giggling breaks into crass laughter. "Lee Mijoo has a suitor!" Now Yoon Bora shouts deliberately loud, followed by racket of people cackling and shuffling about narrow corridor of the flat, right behind the door. Mijoo is so resigned that by this noon everyone in the whole neighborhood will hear the news she has a suitor. "I'm sorry my friends are bunch of looneys. Don't mind what they say." She huffs. The ruckus has finally quieten down. Mijoo flounders into proper sitting position, re-adjusting pillows and cotton blanket so there's space for Soojung to be seated. The bed itself is rather big, enough for two people to occupy. "But, uh, is that true? You tried to take me to hospital last night?" Soojung only gives quick embarrassed nod. She reaches out to get the ice pack from the floor and passes it to Mijoo before plops down the bed as well. Legs crossed in polite manner, healthy amount of distance between them. "We don't go there, they will ask hundreds questions. That Bora might look like campus delinquent but she's aspiring medical assistant, so she's in charge of our... Health. But hey, thanks for the thought." "I got to see her in action last night. She's cool." Soojung comments awkwardly. "So, that was who you are? An underground fighter?" She tilts her head to steal a glance at the taller woman. "Yep. A good one!" Hint of narcissism is in Mijoo's voice. "Last night wouldn't turn that way had your pretty face never showed up in the crowds out of nowhere." "Huh? What did my face do with you losing?" The short haired woman scoffs. "All I've done was just stood in the audience." "And why would a high-class, refined lady like you come to such dirty place?" "What if I might or might not be..." She trails off, as though searching for the right words. Something that isn't I like you, I fucking like so much I've gone crazy thinking about you. "Taking a slight interest in you?" Unexpectedly, Mijoo stiffens at that. "So that's why you came to the park the other day? It wasn't coincidence but you were doing like... A survey about me?" "Wait— What?" "You don't need to lie." Mijoo snaps, unawarely scooting away from the short haired woman. "I know this game of you uptown people who fancy venturing into slightly darker side than merely placing your money on betting table, have seen the like of you coming and inspecting us one by one like giggly kids in pet store. But we are no fluffy puppies nor circus lions, we are feral beast. And I absolutely despise the idea of being some sponsors' girltoy!" "I have no idea about this idea you're talking about, honestly." "Then what do you mean with 'interested in you'?" "Just exactly as I said, you dense." Soojung chuckles the whole time where Mijoo's expression morphing subsequently from deep scowl, to utterly befuddled, then flushed pink as it slowly dawning to her. "You... Have a crush on me? Like, want us to date seriously? Candle-lit dinner, movie night, theme park, cheesy stuffs like those?" "You can say so. Though I ain't so sure if I want to date you. Yet." "No shit. Why me? I mean.. We have quite a discrepancy in social status here, which was the reason I didn't openly hit on you the other day." Mijoo asks bluntly, and gets another soft laugh in response. It sounds really nice. Maybe she's beginning to take a liking of it more than she should. "Don't ask, I don't know how this chemical things in my heart works." Soojung says, shaking her head. "But I know I don't care about status when it comes to choosing friends or girlfriend." "Still, one important thing you have to know, I am so not gonna throw any money supporting you to do such extreme thing." She continues, suddenly back to her stern self. "If anything, I'd love to see you quit. It's dangerous, you could be killed, or being arrested.. Have you never heard police are after underground fighting lately? So many risks and it's not worth fighting for." "Probably not for you. But this is the only thing I've been doing my whole life." Mijoo says, sounding frustrated. "I dunno what am I gonna do without underground fighting. Though admittedly I'm tired and want a change in life. " "Find normal job." Mijoo makes a ridiculous face at the suggestion. "Listen, I didn't even go to high school. Which company would hire me?" They go silent, Soojung gnaws at her lips, looking like she's thinking hard. "Alright." She begins again, clapping her hands one time. "Since it's a little more complicated than what I've thought, guess we need to take few detours here. First, you have to sign up for GED programs to earn certificate equivalent to secondary education." "I'm half-fifty and you want me to go to school again?" The blonde rolls her eyes. "Yah. It's never too late for study. There's people over thirty years old still going to college. You only fail when you stop trying, so don't give up." Those caring nags... Soojung reminds Mijoo of an imaginary mother she often daydreamed to have during her childhood. Though she didn't conjure up her mom would look this marshmallow-soft and squishy and sugary. "Hey. Do you perhaps have any career in mind that you'd like to pursue?" "Astronaut!" Mijoo shouts, both hands raised to heaven. A distressed look paints itself across Soojung's face, like silently screaming are you half-fifty or actual five? "Okay, sorry, I'm just joking. No, I never really give it a thought." "Think about it from now on." Soojung pats her shoulder lightly then stands up, getting ready to go home. "I suddenly remember one place which have opening, they may want to hire you. So prepare your resume, something decent to wear, and come with me once that golf-ball-sized swell on your eye get fixed." ——————— Nothing like Mijoo had expected before, on the next several days they are back to the park where they had met for the first time - at the burger stall, to be exact. Soojung’s small hand slaps the back of her neck, pushing her to do ninety-degrees bow to a woman in her early 40s, most likely the owner or manager in charge of that store. "This is my friend who wants to work here. Her name is Lee Mijoo, she's twenty five this year." Mijoo's eyes instantly widen upon hearing what Soojung just said. She steers themselves away from the burger lady before whispering, "You know that I can't fucking cook anything without causing casualties, don't you?" "Ha. I knew it." Soojung snatches a manila folder from Mijoo's hand, containing the woman's resume she had told to prepare before. "But don't worry, I didn't apply you for that position." At first, burger lady hands Mijoo pairs of brown, fluffy paw gloves and shoes. Then a piece of furry jumpsuit in same colour, with huge burger picture embroidered on its chest part. Then bear-head-shaped mask. "Repeat after me. Welcome to Burger Bear! Rawr!" Mijoo, now in the jumpsuit but without the mask, does as instructed, eyes shooting daggers towards Soojung, who's watching them beside the burger lady with lips pressed hard, holding in big laughter. "You sounded like a bear who hasn't eat for three days!" The middle-aged woman scolds. "Let's try again, more energetic please!" ——————— "I'm going to maul you, disassemble your limbs, and feed your flesh to real bears in the zoo. See if I don't." "Hm. This will do for awhile." Seated neatly on a chair in the dressing room, Soojung attentively reads the employment contract paper like a smart financial expert she is, ignoring huge bear in front her cursing and roaring childish threats. "If anything goes according to my plan, in half a year you would be able to rent a better place, eat regularly three times a day, and have small savings. From there we will decide whether you want to get your GED and learn new skills in any field of your choice. Or continue being professional mascot." "I can't believe I'm really doing this shit." Mijoo takes off the heavy mask and gloves, then dumps everything to the floor. She takes crushed white and red box from the front pocket of her backpack, pulling a cigarette out of it. Just right when she's about to light it, Soojung quickly seizes the stick from her fingers. "Do you know that by quitting smoking you can save up to 25,000 or 30,000 weekly, which means significantly lesser time for you to reach the goal I've planned, which means you can wriggle out of this bear costume sooner?" "There's no way for me to just abruptly stop like this! Normally people take it slow and reduce the consumption per day little by little, y'know?" "If you feel like smoking, just do this." Soojung promptly leans closer, and for a split second, Mijoo has thought she would slap her, or do any sort of savage acts - Mijoo has always been thinking this woman got somewhat evil traits hidden inside her deceptively tiny figure afterall. What she's never expected is Soojung would kiss her. It doesn't last long. Soft, wet lips presses lightly against her chapped ones for barely a second, yet enough to make Mijoo feels like her heart has jumped to her throat. When Soojung pulls away, she almost chases her lips out of reflex. "Fine. Square deal." The tall woman breaths out, still feeling dizzy. "But what if I feel the urge to smoke and you're not around?" "Wait until we meet, and you can kiss me as much as how many times you have wanted to smoke." Soojung replies without hesitation. "You're crazy." "I have one other request." Mijoo stares directly at Soojung's eyes, waiting to get more scold, their faces still only few inches apart. "I want to hear you say rawr again. It's cute." In one, two, three seconds, Soojung lets out distorted cackles instead of her signature shy giggle, leaping off the dressing room. Mijoo bear hot on her tail, before tripped over her own stupid, oversized shoes and falls head first. "Fuck you Lee Soojung I'mma murder you!" ——————— At the afternoon on the first day Mijoo working for Burger Bear, Soojung has received at least twenty messages, the contents ranging from impolite letter of complaints, curses, and the last one she just receives five minutes ago in the middle of yet another meeting, picture of a certain bear holding up its middle finger. 'If you get fired for slacking, I have another job interview ready for you.' Soojung sends the reply along with an image of job vacancy ads as mascot in popular fast-food chain serving fried chicken. Thin smile tugs up the corner of her mouth, but Soojung holds in, for the sake of reputation she got to uphold. Not long after, her phone vibrates again with another message - that bear's now holding up finger heart sign. Soojung sets it as her phone wallpaper, smile’s involuntarily getting wider. ——————— "I have never seen you smile before." For the first time in their entire respective career, Soojung's secretary makes a comment that isn't related to work at all. "You have a pair of very beautiful dimples." Soojung blinks at the other woman in genuine astonishment. "Oh— I apologize for being rude, Ma'am." The secretary bows very low, afraid of making eye contact with her boss. "It's just, you looked really happy." "It's okay. And thank you." Soojung says, tone non-chalant. "Was those messages from..." "Miss Han, where's the paper you said need to be signed again?" ——————— Soojung gets a special delivery on the second day of Mijoo working for Burger Bear. The delivery boy who comes to hand over two sets of burger Soojung never ordered looks very much terrorized after 30-floor ride up to the manager's lavish office, trying so hard not to touch any single thing he knows he would never be able to afford with his earnings for a lifetime. There is a note sticked onto the box, handwriting on it surprisingly clean. 'The first double cheeseburger is regular one, made by our chef. The second is made by me. Choose which one you like! <3' It doesn't require Soojung to actually think to guess which is which. Mijoo's burger is wrapped carelessly and its patty slightly burnt. "Can I ask you a favor?" "Ye— Yes, sure." The delivery boy reflexively straightens his back in similar fashion of a low-ranked soldier receiving call from their superior. "On your way back, please drop by a bookstore and get a book titled 'How to Grill Burger for Dummies', then hand it to Lee Mijoo." Soojung fishes her wallet out of desk drawer. "Here's the money, and tip for you." He flies out of the office in lightspeed, partially wants to leave as soon as possible and another part wants to scream in exultant rejoice because he just got a tip as much as his weekly wage. (Later, Soojung gives the regular burger to her secretary and eats the burnt one heartily. Only love could tolerate such awful taste like that.) ——————— Despite her infinite protests in all sorts of form, Mijoo actually does enjoy her work. Soojung learns it after a week when Mijoo starts sending photos of herself and people she serves in the park, mostly little kids. There's even short clip of her dancing with them - this one nearly causes Soojung bursting with squeal during her inspection visit to a hotel branch in Busan. Soojung replies with 'Stop sending stupid pics ffs you're not getting paid to send messages! >:( ' It's contrasting the jovial expression she's struggling to hide behind stack of financial report documents.   Within an hour, the amount of messages sent to her has increased twofold. Her bear apparently doesn't know how to shut up. But this bear surely does know how adorable she is in the clip she'd sent just now; playing chase with four kids, stumbling onto the grass and letting all of them to pile over her giant body. Soojung excuses herself to go to bathroom. For laughing, you know. ——————— 'I dyed my hair black.'That single message without picture attached leads Soojung to ditch work before 5 PM and go straight to Burger Bear. Which she belatedly regrets, because, fuck. Fuck, fuckity, fuck, fuck— dark haired Mijoo is hot. The badly ventilated dressing room is hot. Everything's hellish hot especially after the younger woman comes out of the shower stall with sport bra and spandex short, droplets of water pooling on her collarbones before trickling down her upper chest. How could she easily switch from yesterday's fool bear to irresistably hot lady now?

Aside from the defined clavicles and wide shoulders, she also has ripped abs - Soojung just gets a good look at this today. Mijoo's whole figure resembles Greek goddess sculpture and someone should build an altar for her somewhere inside Parthenon. This woman is work of pure art and needs to be worshipped.

Of course, Soojung doesn't speak out loud about that thought. Heck, she would deny it until her last breath. For a good minute Mijoo's padding around the room gathering her belongings and getting some clothes from the locker, all she does is only stare boring hole into the bear mask left on the bench.

"If you really like that costume..." Mijoo starts, smirking and purposely taking time to slide a plain white tee over her torso. "I can bring it home with me so you can eat a bear tonight. Or be eaten."

Furry gloves smoothly lands right at Mijoo's face.

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