#(to be clear I was not even sort of interested in or pursuing him until about fifteen seconds before we became lovers)

[theforumcat]

now steal your partners job.

HAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAA no

Fuuuuuuuck no.

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

What do you think about Equius and Eridan's ship? I think this is a pretty entertaining idea (I'm aware that they don't really tolerate each other, but maybe they could share their problems with each other and help each other?)

I won't tell people what they should and shouldn't ship, but it's unsupported by canon & I personally don't think they'd be a good fit for each other, because Equius is kind of a prude who's genuinely made uncomfortable by Eridan's incredibly strong emotional neediness, and Eridan needs attention from his friends and especially romantic partners, which Equius isn't really equipped to provide. But again, if you like it, don't let me stop you!

Uhhh warnings for talking about sexual stuff because unfortunately Equius is just kind of Like That and you can't really discuss him in good faith without getting into it.

Basically, Equius's deal is that he's kind of sheltered. His specific position in the hemocaste means he gets to avoid a lot of the awful shit the other highbloods have to deal with, while still being high enough that he gets to avoid lowblood problems entirely. He doesn't have to worry about being culled or even of having to cull others - at least, not until adulthood - to the point where he's in a position to object to Nepeta killing wild animals. The murder of other real, thinking, breathing people seems like a distant problem for future Equius - not a tangible reality quickly catching up to him.

CT: D --> You e%terminate beautiful, innocent creatures by the hundreds CT: D --> I can't condone such wretched behavior CT: D --> Beasts are meant to be 100ked upon with adoration AC: :33 < but AC: :33 < i eat them! AC: :33 < i dont kill anything i dont eat, that would be mean CT: D --> I guess that's basically acceptable in principle, but I still find it a bit unsavory

He knows that Alternia is dangerous, and that bad, horrible things happen to other people (I mean, he's neighbors with Vriska lmao), but he has the privilege of simply electing not to participate, and that's the solution he keeps presenting to Nepeta: don't talk to the lowbloods, because they'll harm you, don't talk to the highbloods, because they'll harm you, and don't play their dangerous games. I mean, it works for him!

CT: D --> The thought of you fraternizing with and abetting those stink-b100ded h001igans strikes me as scandal beyond measure CT: D --> I'm afraid you're too delicate to withstand that sort of corruption

EQUIUS: D --> Yes, which is among the reasons why I must make your prote%ion a high priority EQUIUS: D --> The highb100d has joined a stable of those who are becoming increasingly volatile and murderous as we remain stranded in this laboratory EQUIUS: D --> I command you to steer clear of them, do you understand

He has a kindly lusus who takes very good care of him, met his soulmate very early on, has a neighbor/friend he gets along with pretty well, and gets to spend basically all of his free time pursuing his hobbies and interests with no pressing duties or responsibilities to distract him. As far as is possible on Alternia, he's lived a charmed and peaceful life.

Now, although I'm going to make the caveat early that he's not actually that casteist, Equius is still the most casteist member on the team, short of post-corruption!Gamzee. The fact that he's sheltered is one of the primary reasons for this: he's never had a reason to question casteism, because casteism has always been pretty correct in his book, and he's never had the need nor impetus to question it any further than that. After all, lowbloods DO wind up getting themselves into horrible situations, and highbloods DO tend to be murderous, dangerous assholes. This is just The Way Things Are, right?

For more specific examples, the Team Charge debacle - which Equius had to know about because he's the one who patched Vriska up afterwards - ended with Tavros unable to walk and Aradia "broken" (most of the team didn't know she was dead until they entered the game; Terezi tells Vriska she thinks "whatever Vriska did to her" must've broken her brain somehow since she was never the same since). Meanwhile, the two highbloods really only got injured by each other. In Equius's eyes, this would've reinforced his views: lowbloods live dangerous lives wrought by their inherent degeneracy, and always suffer worse for it, while highbloods are unstable and violent, but ultimately faultless and unpunishable except by each other.

He also - again - is Vriska's neighbor, and Vriska's psionics work best on lowbloods, so that's the vast majority of who she brings in for her lusus to eat. The two most crass people on the team are also Karkat and Sollux - the latter of which is very much a lowblood, while the former regularly throws himself in with the "gutter bloods"; the fact that they swear and make sex jokes genuinely freaks Equius out, since he's a sheltered little noble boy who refuses to say cuss words.

EQUIUS: D --> For pete's goodfornothing di%ie whistling SA%ES, Nepeta

So with Equius, we see how unexamined and uninterrogated privilege and sheltering can lead to genuinely harmful beliefs. Equius's feelings come from a good place: he sees all these poor lowbloods dying and suffering, and all these high bloods doing horrific, scary shit, and he instinctively knows that something is wrong and the world they live in is dangerous - or else he wouldn't be trying to protect Nepeta from it. He knows that because she's lower than he is on the hemospectrum, she's much more at risk than he is of something terrible happening to her, so as much as possible, he tries to keep her away from engaging with the rest of society.

CT: D --> Well, green b100d is ok, but it's not great CT: D --> But that's why you're lucky to have me to 100k out for you CT: D --> Because you don't know better, and you can't fight the role the mother had in store for you

But because he's had no reason to challenge or question the casteist beliefs he was taught, the horrific stuff he witnesses actually reinforces them. In an attempt to make sense out of the terrible world he lives in, he falls back on the easy answers, the ones he's been repeatedly told since he was a child: lowbloods suffer because they are inherently "worse" than highbloods, and highbloods are inherently "better," so they're allowed to indulge all their most violent and horrific impulses and it's not actually a problem. He's comfortable with his reality; why isn't everybody else?

So um, that brings us to the sex stuff. Basically, because Equius is so sheltered, he doesn't realize that he has a massive BDSM kink, and kind of a voyeurism kink, and that a lot of the gratification and pleasure he feels from indulging in them are... um......... "that kind" of gratification and pleasure. To be honest, I think if someone genuinely levelled with him and pointed it out, he'd have a mental breakdown over it. Because, like, at his core, Equius is a polite, kind, helpful guy. There's a reason he listens to Karkat same as the rest of the team, why he helps with Tavros's robot legs, why Nepeta even likes him so much. A lot of his worst aspects just stem from the fact that he's conflating his desire to be stepped on with the hemocaste being an inescapable, correct reality.

He's basically this post lol:

So about specifically him and Eridan, like. We actually have Equius's outright stated opinion on Eridan.

CG: YOU ARE SUCH AN IDIOT, I DON'T GET IT CG: YOU KISS THE GROUND THIS LUNATIC WALKS ON BECAUSE HE HAS PURPLE BLOOD CG: BUT THAT DOESN'T STOP YOU FROM RIPPING ON ERIDAN, I KNOW FOR A FACT YOU DON'T LIKE HIM CG: AND HIS BLOOD IS EVEN PURPLIER, ISN'T IT? CT: D --> Yes CT: D --> That's different CT: D --> He is a sea dweller CT: D --> Our feud is codified in tradition CT: D --> Neigh, we are obligated to be at odds CT: D --> It's dignified ... CG: THE POINT IS, IF YOU SEE HIM, WOULD YOU MIND SNAPPING HIS STUPID WAND IN HALF OR SOMETHING? CG: AND THEN CHOKE HIM TO DEATH WITH HIS OWN SHITTY PRETENTIOUS SCARF. CT: D --> Do I really have to CG: GOD, WHAT IS THE PROBLEM NOW? CT: D --> I'd prefer not to interact with him CG: WHY CT: D --> It's primarily that his advances make me uncomfortable

See, Eridan... is not really Equius's type. And I can see why! Equius places a lot of importance on decorum and a100fness. Here's him basically telling Gamzee about why he's attracted to Gamzee and Aradia:

CT: D --> See, that's what I mean CT: D --> How is it possible for one of your distin%ion to be so ignorant CT: D --> And loathesome CT: D --> Whereas CT: D --> A member of the most abject, verminous b100dline of all CT: D --> Can conduct herself with such grace and possess nothing but admirable mannerisms CT: D --> I find these striking ju%tapositions perple%ing, and I confess strangely into%icating

He hates that Gamzee acts dumb and friendly, and wants him to be mean and commanding - and is probably lowkey picking up on the fact that Gamzee DOES have that within him, although he's hiding it. At the same time, he's weirdly attracted to how Aradia is aloof, intelligent, and strong-willed, despite being the lowest possible caste. Basically, Equius wants a pretty classically cultured dom to put him in his place - bonus points if caste-play is involved, whether it's a higher caste acting in accordance to their position on the spectrum, or a lower caste degrading him to a point below themselves.

So, initially, you'd think that Eridan would actually be his ideal for such a position, land dweller/sea dweller feud notwithstanding. After all, Eridan is all about acting like a traditional sea dweller, talking up his nobility and how much better he is than the lower castes, wanting the land dwellers dead/in their place, etc. etc.

But that's where we hit a snag. Eridan is pretending. He's pretending in the opposite direction of Gamzee, in fact. Where Gamzee is genuinely quite mean and nasty, but masking that in an attempt to get along better with his friends, Eridan is actually pretty - well, "nice" is the wrong word, but he's desperately presenting himself as meaner and more casteist than he actually is.

Equius wants to be effortlessly dominated, but Eridan puts in 110% at all times. Equius wants someone who upholds the caste system, and Eridan is actually totally indiscriminate when hitting on people because he actually doesn't give a shit about class differences. Equius wants someone who commands respect, but Eridan is kind of the team laughingstock. Also Eridan swears in proportion to his dialogue second only to Karkat.

Eridan's emotional desperation, disregard for the caste system, and cringefail antics are all massive turnoffs for Equius, and in a lot of ways, genuinely kind of scare him. I mean, again, Equius is a sheltered little noble boy who's made uncomfortable by cussing or killing animals for meat - and here's Eridan, one of the team's biggest murderers, genuinely obsessed with death and genocide, mouth of a sailor, willing to shoot his shot with anyone on the hemospectrum. Equius gets along better with Karkat, and Karkat's not even ON the hemospectrum.

It wouldn't even be pitch or ashen hatred to me, because Equius doesn't object to Eridan, morally or ethically - he just finds Eridan uncomfortable to be around, and prefers not to interact with him if he can help it. And that's really bad for Eridan, because Eridan's basically a huge emotional wreck and has a pretty fundamental need for emotional support and attention from his romantic partners - I've touched on it before, I think when I talked about him and Tavros, but Eridan has a genuine anxiety attack when Vriska accidentally ghosts him (because she's mercy killing her lusus), and I really don't think it would be good for him if he were to become emotionally attached to the guy whose whole Thing is standing in the background and watching without interacting.

As for discussing their problems... like, that's kind of the thing? They don't actually have overlapping problems. Eridan's issues primarily stem from the pressures his position on the hemocaste have placed on him, whereas Equius has actually actively benefited from and enjoyed his position in that class structure. Like, even if they tried to share notes on their respective character arcs about shirking the shitty things Alternia imposed on them, it'd be like,

EQUIUS: D--> Did you know that one's position in the hemospe%rum has little to no bearing on their moral integrity or worth as a person ERIDAN: are you a fuckin idiot eq

ERIDAN: guess all that obsessin ovver murder wwas a huge fuckin wwaste ERIDAN: and didnt do me no good nor anybody else for that matter EQUIUS: D--> Well EQUIUS: D--> Yeah

Even if we try to bring in things that aren't strictly related to being a high blood and what that means on Alternia - like if we run with the idea that Eridan's lusus contributed to Eridan's shitty childhood - well, unfortunately, Equius can't relate. Aurthour was incredibly kind to Equius growing up and he loved Aurthour dearly. So on and so forth.

And, uh... this is kind of weird to say, but despite how forward Eridan is about romance, he's actually... kind of reserved, sexually? He doesn't crack sex jokes and his fixation on romantic relationships is more about the act of being in a relationship than about what they do in that relationship. His date ideas are pretty straightforward and traditional, because he tends to prioritize "doing a good job" and "living up to the standard" over how he actually feels or his own personal interests.

What I'm saying is, Equius's horniness would probably make Eridan uncomfortable. Especially before Equius realizes that he's just got massive kinks that he should probably keep under control - which is basically the entire comic - Equius tends to prioritize what they do in a relationship over the act of actually being in a relationship. In fact, he'd probably be just as happy to get domm'd by Gamzee or Aradia even if they weren't actually dating. That's a kind of freedom and trueness to one's desires that Eridan can't manage; moreover, because Eridan tends to prioritize "doing a good job", he's pretty willing to go along with whatever his partner wants - which, in Equius's case, means Eridan doing more of the thing that's actively harmed them both. And I just don't think that that'd be good for Eridan.

So, yeah, overall, not a good fit for each other, but again, don't let me stop you!

The most interesting arrangement of Eridan and Equius, to me personally, is the fact that I think Eridan and Nepeta would actually be pretty good friends once they started talking (and Eridan got a moirail). Nepeta is the Anti-Casteism troll, the only one to outright state that she believes blood color shouldn't matter, and Eridan's whole deal is being less casteist than he pretends to be, to the point of genuinely being the least casteist highblood. And they both RP and hunt for stuff.

However, if there's any example of "dangerous highblood" on the team before Gamzee snaps, it's Eridan, and Equius has pretty deep concern for Nepeta's safety, which actually sometimes comes at Nepeta's detriment. It wouldn't escalate to pitch or ashen, but I really like the idea of the two of them having an antagonistic relationship because Equius does NOT want Nepeta interacting with this insane murderer, while Eridan is like, bro, let the kitty cat cave shipper girl decide for herself, and Nepeta is like, why must boys fight.

[crafteeauthor]

Very interesting the way the cat king puts on a slightly different persona (and slightly different style) each time he interacts with Edwin

First meeting, he's playing the Big Bad Sexy Cat King in full force. He's got all his cats in one space, he's high up on his throne, there's a corpse at his feet, and he talks in a condescending way. He's making it clear Edwin is in fact in trouble for using magic on a cat, but that he's pretty willing to let it slide with a little effort on Edwin's part. He's forward and a little flirtatiously mean and very VERY obviously used to dealing with beings who are familiar with this sort of persona and transaction. When it doesn't work and Edwin is uncomfortable instead of just nervous he VISIBLY drops the mask. Like we see his actual expression plummet and he changes tunes immediately

Second meeting, he's noticeably wearing more layers than last time. He embraces the magic and otherness of what he is more here, probably trying to intrigue Edwin enough to get him properly interested. He's a little more obvious about when he's approaching Edwin, moves a bit slower too. It seems he learned his lesson about pushing Edwin physically, and instead he's prodding at him emotionally to see where he gives way. It's worth noting that Edwin actually leans in as if to kiss him in this scene, and if you look closely the cat king actually backs away a bit. Last meeting, Edwin was interested but clearly out of his depth; this time the cat king has decided to try and get Edwin to pursue him and set the pace instead. This works better than the last persona, and honestly I think he should have stuck with this facet of himself, but he decides he needs to warp perception of him again to get the attention he wants

Honestly the third meeting is where we see the cat king at his ugliest and most desperate. I think he's going for more of a romantic hero here, swooping in at the last minute to dispatch the other man and save the day. He's moody, though, and clearly has been having a shitty evening in the forest, not to mention he's absolutely pissed off Monty's shoving himself into Edwin's space. He's genuinely mean to Monty here in a way we don't see again, which is interesting because this scene is arguably the most overtly nice- in a human way- TCK has been to Edwin, with the saving his existence and all. This actually does seem to work until he suggests he's earned a reward (understandable. Read the room dude)

Between the third and fourth meeting the cat king gets murdered, emerging looking the plainest we've seen him with his hair slicked completely back instead of artfully ruffled to match the persona. Freshly murdered, defensive, and on the brink of tears; this is probably the rawest we see him and he's oddly small and so so scared. It makes sense that he puts on such a larger than life facade, he's puffing himself up to look bigger

In the fourth meeting he's gathered that the personas aren't working- sort of. His hair and clothing is more intricately styled than right after his death and he's exaggerating his movements and words a bit but it's not quite a full mask this time. It looks to me like he starts building it up into a mask during the conversation only for Edwin to reach right past it and basically tell him he doesn't need to bother; he can already see the miserably lonely creature underneath.

It's only then that he actually does seem to drop all the acts for a moment and actually let himself be interacted with AS himself. And what is he as himself? A massive lonely loser getting a dumb crush

[lurkingshan]

Helloooo, Shan! This is a bit out of left field but it’s something I’ve been wondering for a while. BL has developed more as a genre and shown itself to be increasingly sociopolitically aware (whether or not it effectively engages with that awareness beyond marketing is another thing), do you have thoughts on any sort of progression of how women and girls have been portrayed? Or observations on the general state of women and girls in BL? It seems to me their roles have become meatier, not just one-dimensional femme fatales or fujoshi. Or am I projecting a false narrative of genre evolution? 🤔

Hey Megan, thanks for sending! I love an out of left field ask. And I agree with you, I do think there has been a clear evolution in the way women characters are portrayed in BL, and I have been making note of it where I see it.

It used to be that female characters in BL were mostly just there to be antagonists, either as villainous femme fatales trying to break up the couple (like Plern Pleng in TWM) or fujoshis inserting themselves into the main couple's relationship in really inappropriate and fetishizing ways (like Pang in Love Sick). Even the precious few decent women characters from early BL (like Manow from UWMA) are still really only there as side characters who provide support to the boys and/or a bit of comic relief. Women in early BL were either problematic or kind of an afterthought in the narrative.

But more recently there have been BL dramas featuring women who are more fully fleshed out and actually a crucial part of the story. This is not linear and consistent, of course--there are BLs airing as we speak, like Knock Knock Boys and Blue Boys, that are still relying on women as primary antagonists--but there has been some growth. Here are some of the characters I find particularly notable in regards to the role they play in the narrative:

Ae Ri, The Eighth Sense

Ae Ri was a notable character because the narrative set us up to think she was going to be a typical femme fatale. She seemed to like Ji Hyun and we were naturally inclined to assume she would be an obstacle to him pursuing Jae Won, until the show completely turned that on its head and made her a knowing ally instead. It was a delightful surprise and she remained an important support and get a grip friend for Ji Hyun throughout the story.

Nara, La Pluie

Nara is another in the category of the subverted femme fatale trope, but this show took that much further by writing her with so much empathy and making her a fully fleshed out character with her own arc and even the start of a new romance by the end. It is still the best treatment of an ex-girlfriend character I have ever seen in a BL.

Fujisaki/Pai, Cherry Magic

Speaking of trope subversion, let's give a shoutout to these two corrective takes on the fujoshi archetype. Each version of this story did it a bit differently, but the common thread was that Fujisaki and Pai only wanted the best for their friends, and kept a firm line on how much to interfere in their relationship. Fujisaki is gentle and kind, offering small encouragements and nice gestures. Pai is much more of an enthusiastic fangirl so I was a bit weary at the start of her story, but the show used her fannish interests as an opportunity to model respectful fan behavior and I was quite pleased in the end.

Yiwa, Wedding Plan

And of course, I have to mention the current title holder for best female character in a BL, Wedding Plan's Yiwa. She is not only a great character in terms of having a fully formed personality, clear motivations, and a great set of relationships, she is also the engine that drives the entire narrative. I am still kinda amazed she exists.

This is separate but related to the recent increase in GL content and GL side couples in BLs, which is also getting steadily better. And I want both! I want solid GL dramas where the girls own the narrative, and I want BLs to write women better when they choose to include them in the story. I'm encouraged by the progress we've already seen.

[suckerforbassist]

Short drabble

Warnings: NSFW (minors DNI, 18+ only), pussy eating (Sort of), cunnilingus, oral sex (f!receiving), swearing, pet names, not proof read

a/n: hello tumblr community! This is my first drabble and had been in my pc folder since 2021 :) originally, the character was a different person but due to my change of interest, I decided to choose logan as my main character haha.

Word count: 1.8k

“W-what are we doing here?” He dragged me back to his hotel room after the incident at the club.

The noise from the hallway of the hotel became inaudible as the door were shut by the Canadian man and oh shit-

I was left alone in this empty room with this maniac plus the surroundings of the room isn’t helping at all. We barely see each others face and the dim light shone through the curtain from the moon outside was the only source of light. His broad back faced the door, blocking the exit and his facial glinted due to the strangely gleamed by the moonlight. The pair of chocolate eyes bored into mine, not even glancing away from me. I looked away, knowing that he made me felt certain feeling towards him. Crossed my arms to show my confidence that he is not making me nervous even though my heart raced and butterflies fluttered in my belly. A pregnant of silence later, I heard he cleared his throat.

“We’re gonna have a conversation.”

I averted to him in confusion, “There’s nothing to talk about, Logan.”

“Yes there is, sweetheart! Whether you like it or not, you and I are gonna stuck in here- talk it out.”

He exclaimed, still staring into my face. I scoffed with the name he called me. I used to hate that name- but, when it came out from that lips, it just felt right. My eyes landed on his lips, I wondered how that pair of lips felt against mine. Would it felt soft as feather? What would it taste like? Hell, what was I thinking? We hated each other. Immediately, I asserted,

“Stop calling me that! I’m not letting out a single word. Starting from now.”

Logan sighed but he pursued anyway, “Why are you avoiding me?”

My eyes wandered everywhere except for his figure who was standing 4 feet away from me. Mouth was sealed not giving him the satisfaction. Made him frustrated but, it was replaced with a mysterious smirk.

“Fine, you wanna play like that, huh?” Pair of eyes staring into mine. “Then, let the lips do the work.”

“What-”

Swiftly, he took a couple strides towards me and I felt Logan’s right palm caressed softly my cheek as his other hand held onto my waist and pressed his lips against mine. Soft and delicate. So, my assumption about those lips was true. I was daze and my lips froze against his but quickly picked it up when I felt his lips pressed against me a bit harder but, still delicate. Our chests brushed against one another, I felt his heart beating rapidly and so was mine. Logan was about to pull away when I did not give him much response but, I instantly gripped lapel of his flannel shirt and pulled him for another kiss.

All I could remember was that kiss was hot and intense as we picked up the pace. My arms automatically wrapped around his neck as I felt Logan’s hand roamed my back and lower until he rested on my ass. Squeezed it, a squeal escape from my mouth and he took the opportunity to slip his tongue into my wet cavern. Exploring every inch of my mouth. Left the tingling sensation all over my body and down to the core. His tongue was erratic, eager to taste every inch of my mouth.

I was not even aware that he bend his knees a bit lower and felt both of his hands caressed the back of my thighs. Gasp escaped from my lips as I was being lifted and forced my legs to wrap around his waist, making the hem of the dress lifted a bit. Setting me gently against the soft sheet of his hotel bed whilst his lips explored to my jaw, few pecks were given delicately and down to the crook my neck. A rattle breath left my lips as the plum pair of lips were pressed on the particular spot on my neck. His sucking, bite and lick made me swoon and unmindful, my eyes were shut closed due to the unforgettably pleasure. Hands were roaming the back of his neck and unruly curls. Fingers were tangled in between the curls.  

“Lo- please.”

Biting the bottom of my lips to contain the sound as he moved towards south to my clavicle, leaving wet kisses behind. His left hand was grazing teasingly at the side of my breast and then, rested on the hip while his right hand propped next to my head. Absentmindedly, I lifted my hips against his. A friction gained between our crouch and immediately I jolted towards the excitement. A few bold grunt were heard by the man above me as I continued to tease. A second later, he halted and I no longer felt his warmth. The hand on the side of my hip was no longer presence. When I opened my eyes, he knelt in front of me with the eyes filled with guilt and lust. Panting and redden cheeks, ran his eyes away from mine.

“Logan?” I sat up on the sheet with him still between my legs.

“This is wrong. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have kiss you o-or force you-”

He was not the broody-jerk Logan at the moment, he was so much vulnerable and subtle Logan. The one that I grew accustom to these past few days. Without second thoughts, I knelt in front of him and palmed his stubbly cheeks.

“Hey, non of these are your fault. You didn’t force me to do this. I wanted it, Logan.” His orbs directly staring into mine, looking for sign of discomfort in mine.

“I want you.”

He croaked, “Are you sure?”

I leaned onto him and pressed my lips against his. At the moment, I don’t even care what’s going to happen between us tomorrow, tried my best to ignore all the wrong thoughts after we happened to sleep together. Shifted onto his lap with my thighs straddled him. He was a little hesitant and tried to assure with my decision. He broke the kiss and opened his mouth tried to say something but I beat to him.

“Lo, shut up and unzip me.”

He grunted while his hand wandered behind my back and skillfully, dragged the zip down. Instantly, I lifted from his lap and stood in front of the man. Sensually, my hands roamed the side of my body, purposely touch the tits without leaving my eyes from him. His eyed me lustfully while licking his lips. I reached both of my dress’s straps with thumbs and slowly dragged it down my shoulder. Soon, the satin fabric dropped and pooled around my feet. Leaving me in only strapless navy blue lace bra and panties. A groan left from his lips and a prominent bulge could be seen from his jeans.

“Twirl slowly for me, bub.” His husky voice made me shuddered and my tummy fluttered.

I complied to his order and as I was about to face him, I felt his warm hands on the side of my hips. Pulled me onto his laps, straddled his thighs. Without seconds thought, he pulled me into a desperate kiss and mumbled.

“You’re a goddess. So beautiful.”

His praise made me even wetter and a moan slipped from my throat.

“Tell me, what do you want?”

“I want you. All of you.”

Hastily, he flipped me and my back was against the soft mattress. I felt his lips everywhere and I kept whining as I felt his lips on the braline, one of his hands snaked behind and skillfully took off the strap. As the piece of flimsy fabric came off, Logan was stunned and his throat bobbed. His brown eyes scanned my chest delicately and then averted to my eyes asking permission to touch them but, I pouted.

“Why am I half naked and you’re not?” He chuckled and asked me if I wanted to undress him. Hell, yeah gladly.

When he stripped to only boxer, my hand sneakily went down to his crouch to touch the prominent bulge but, he was quicker. Grabbed, my wrist and brought it above my head. When I asked him why, he said he wanted to taste my skin first. I moaned and begged for him to touch me there.

“Patience, Princess. You’ll get what you want.”

With his a hand still locked both of my arms above my head, he began to explore my chest. Left a trail of wet kisses, licking and sucking the skin around the nipple. I huffed in frustration and tried to tug my hands from his grip. Logan let out a deep chuckled and continued sucking.

“Lo, please.” I whined. “Want you-” Gasped as I felt his tongue licked my left nipple, circled it and then playfully bit the nipple. Wrapped his lips around it and started to suck. Moaned at the sensation and it sent straight to my heat, damped my panties. He did the same to my right nipple, took his time whilst I was squirming mess underneath him.

Logan finally stopped and sat up straight while letting my hands free, stared at his masterpiece that he just created. His mouth was agape, cheeks were flustered and his eyes were blown in lust. At the same time, that pair of eyes were filled with adoration and I dared to say was love. But I can’t, falling in love with him was a huge mistake.

All of my doubts disappear as I felt his fingers trailed my inner thigh delicately, his other hand rested on my hip. Pleasure sent all over my body as his forefinger and middle pressed at the front of my panties, rubbed the wetness up and down. I moaned and fists the pillow underneath my head. Logan mumbled ‘beautiful’ but I was too busy to acknowledge his vocabulary.

“So wet for me, baby.” He leaned between my crouch and continued pressing and circling my covered bundle of nerves with his thumb. I felt a couple of pecks on the hem of my panties and suddenly the pressure on my clit’s gone. I sighed in frustration and sensed Logan was smirking.

“I swear Logan, your balls gonna be blue if you don’t hurry up.”

He chuckled, “No need to be mad, bub. I was just taking my time.”

Both his fingers curled at the hem of my panties but halted as his gentle yet lustful eyes met mine, asking for permission. I lifted my hips as allowing him to take off the flimsy piece. A groan escaped from the bassist lips.

“Fuck baby, all this for me?” He was inches away from my dripping cunt and sniffed, “Smell so amazing, I bet you taste wonderful, sweetheart.”

The way he talked made my face heated in embarrassment and hid my face in my palms. He tutted and removed my hands, placed them both on the duvet. Knowing those hands will gripped the duvet tightly or flying around his hair or back.

“Wanna see you.” He winked, “Just scratch me or anything, alright? I don’t mind.” He dived into my cunt like a starved man.

Gasped as he licked clean-

[crookedkryptonitebeliever]

okay so we know that if reader tried to be creepy towards yves about sexual stuff he would cut them off (and/or traumatize them if they went even further).

but what would happen if yves set up their perfect meet-cute, they started dating, and after a while reader tried to initiate sex. and yves is like oh, no. explains his whole thing about only doing it like once a month, and on his terms. and reader is like oh, okay! i totally respect that!

and then the next day, they sit down for dinner, and reader essentially tries to break up with him? basically just saying i don’t think this will work out between us, i’d really like a partner who i have very regular sex with even if not every day, but you’re really cool and really nice and i’d love to stay friends :)

how would yves react? i feel like he wouldn’t traumatize them because they didn’t actually do anything wrong, but he’s also been super clear about being monogamous so he doesn’t seem like the type to allow reader to pursue a sort of fwb relationship on the side? that is, if reader even wanted to have a side relationship just for sex, they might only want one relationship and need it to be both romantic and regularly sexual.

another thought that’s sort of tied to this: what if yves was dating a reader who, because they couldn’t successfully initiate sex and were told not to try ever again the one time they tried, and because yves so rarely initiates sex, started feeling really self conscious and like they aren’t worth having sex with? like even with yves being such a sweetheart and loving on them all the time, the lack of sex really gets to them and makes them feel undesirable?

sincerely, a very shy anon (who is Constantly Horny and also gets insecure)

Tw: sexual stuff, drugging

The thing is, Yves would have already known that you're seeking for a more sexually fulfilling relationship with someone. It depends on your personality, is it a must that you have to touch him in ways he wished you wouldn't? Is it a must for Yves to touch you in ways he rather not? Even with his 'interventions'? Then, Yves has no choice but to let go of the idea of being your romantic partner. It doesn't mean he will abandon you, he will assume the role of a smothering monster-in-law.

However, if he already knows the ins and outs of your body, the limits of how much he could drug you without any adverse effects, Yves wouldn't mention about sex at all. He would take it slow, letting the relationship progress until you're comfortable to discuss such proclivities or attempt to make the first move. The longer you're with Yves, the more you feel loved and spoiled by his riches and acts of services.

But... By the time you would usually feel undesirable due to a lack of sexual initiation from Yves, you would find yourself saying "yuck" to anything related to genitalia. Perhaps even feeling glad that Yves didn't see you in that light yet, dreading the day where you have to say no to him.

Hell, maybe you wouldn't even care to initiate it either, you somehow lost interest in something you used to crave badly and you don't know why. The idea of it feels... Dull, boring and maybe overbearing, it's like eating the same meal repeatedly to the point it makes you nauseous thinking about it. The thought of being horny and getting off your bed to work for that orgasm makes you go "Ugh, do I have to?"

Assuming that you masturbate to alleviate your frustrations, you suddenly find that your stimulating toys would just not do it for you anymore. Neither would your fingers, nor pornography. You just feel... Nothing. No tingles, no drive and no desire to chase that high you were once addicted to. It feels tedious as if you're doing a soul sucking chore, you would rather cuddle with Yves instead, fully clothed too with each other's hands away from the major erogenous zones.

You wouldn't notice it. The change would be so gradual that you wouldn't realize your favorite sex toy is collecting a layer of dust under your bed. The idea of Yves going anywhere near your crotch never crossed your mind, why would it? You're not interested in doing the tango with him and neither is he, and you would like to keep it that way in order to avoid the awkwardness of rejection.

You never visited your favourite erotic sites anymore and you're not yearning for that excitement, you have lost a core part of yourself and you are none the wiser.

And that's how Yves likes it; to let yourself be pampered by him in every way except one. What you don't know will never hurt you.

[crehador]

i think one thing that's so compelling to me about adachi (and his relationship with kurosawa) is the focal point of his internal worries is never really "i can't reciprocate kurosawa's feelings because he's a man" or even "i can't reciprocate kurosawa's feelings because i don't like him" (speaking on the first 2 eps of the anime only rn)

it's always more of an "i can't reciprocate kurosawa's feelings because i'm not good enough for him/i don't deserve it" sort of thing and that just so makes me root for him, because it's the kind of feeling you want to see a character overcome

like to me the sort of story that's like "i don't like this person who's pursuing me but as time goes on they wear me down and i give in" is at best never all that interesting, so the fact that it's not strictly a lack of interest for adachi (in ep2 he even tries to think of something he dislikes about kurosawa and comes up blank) makes it way easier for me to get invested. it's just a severe lack of self-confidence

and to be clear i don't get the feeling that adachi is secretly in love with kurosawa already and just isn't aware of it. to me it feels more like he's never allowed himself to even consider it, to even think about whether he likes someone else because his default state of mind assumes no one could possibly like him anyway

this just feels like such an appealing romance because at its core it doesn't strike me as that typical "i'll break him down until he can't resist me" type story, but rather what kurosawa needs to do is build adachi up which is just immensely more romantic to me

[strwberri-milk]

Ooooo can I get jealous reader and kaeya at the tavern then some girl keeps trying to hit on him but he keeps warning her off and she will not go away so then the reader snaps on the girl?<3

SOMEwhere on my master list is. more jealousy stuff bc i love jealousy uwu

You know Kaeya garners attention wherever he goes. Most of the time it's unintentional, Kaeya just someone who seems to fit perfectly into the spotlight if he wants to but you've never had any issues with it. You know he adores you and that there's nothing he could ever do to betray your trust.

With that being said, you also gave his admirers a wide berth. When the two of you became official a lot of them continued to pine for Kaeya in the privacy of their own homes, but sometimes they would get especially bold.

This includes right now. You and Kaeya were trying to have a nice evening out with each other when this woman approached him. You thought she was a friend of his by the affectionate way she called his name, minding your own business until you hear Kaeya's voice beginning to turn a little agitated.

Sure enough, Kaeya wasn't looking incredibly happy. His brows were knotted together as he tried to pry the woman off his arm. You quickly caught on to what was happening and decide to bide your time. Kaeya could take care of himself no problem, so you didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable by coming to his rescue too early.

You were beginning to seethe a little, missing Kaeya's attention on you. You couldn't help being a little extra needy for him, especially in this sort of context. Kaeya's yours, and you weren't going to let someone try to steal him away that easily.

"Just a minute of your time Captain and I'm sure I can make it worth your while!"

The woman intent on stealing your beloved's attention seems sweet at least you think to yourself as you sip on your drink in boredom, unsure what Kaeya is going to try and do.

"I'm already quite preoccupied with spending time with the love of my life. Perhaps if you have any queries for the Knights you can come to the ones on duty, rather than pursuing someone who's quite clearly off the clock." He gestures to himself, wearing his civilian clothes as he was indeed not working right now.

"Yes, but I just feel like you would understand me better. Perhaps we can discuss the nature of my concern right now?" She bats her eyes at him, trying to butter him up to no avail.

"Perhaps I could discuss the outcome of this night with the person I hope to end in bed with," Kaeya bites back, trying a more crass way to get her to back off but nothing seems to work.

You continue to listen to the back and forth between them, the hand you offered Kaeya some time ago to ground him almost having it's circulation cut off thanks to him. You decide this has gone on for far too long and clear your throat, stealing both of their attention.

"How many more times do you want him to reject you? Do you get off on it or something?" you snap, voice biting a little harder than Kaeya thought it could ever sound.

She tries to respond, opening her mouth before you cut her off.

"You've just spent the last however many minutes begging for attention from my boyfriend when it's been more than clear that he's got no interest in you."

"I'm just letting him know he still has options!"

"And I'm letting you know that you're embarrassing yourself. Just go home and I'm sure you'll make both our evenings better. You can't seriously think this looks anything other than humiliating. Begging for attention from someone who clearly doesn't want to give it to you. He's mine, and I don't appreciate you thinking any different."

She tries to say something else to you but Kaeya rolls his eyes. He leans over and gives you a zealous kiss, even playing up the moan he does which only seems to disgust her before she walks away, making the two of you laugh.

"Thank you. You truly are my Knight in shining armor," he teases, kissing your cheek sweetly.

"Oh, I'm not done. I'll make sure the whole of Mond knows who you belong to by tomorrow morning."

Kaeya's face flushes a little but you know he's ready for the challenge, smiling at you as he tries to speed your date along to get to more exciting activities.

[necrotic-nephilim]

au for the ask game, cass starts to romantically pursue dick trying to model after the repressed feeling in Bruce (trying to be like batman) and not fully understanding the emotions, bruce sees this and becomes jealous and so dick is caught in the middle of the two bats fighting for his love but he sees them both familiarly (like brother and sister)

for the ask game!

OOOOOOH. yes yes yes. i love how much Cass truly wants to *embody* Batman. like that is her goal. to embody the Mission, to put her whole life into the symbol, the work. so it's fun to play with the grey areas where she misunderstands what is Bruce and what is Batman, and attempts to emulate his more problematic behaviors.

so I just. I love the idea of Cass perceiving this as normal. like, that is just how being Batman works because for Bruce, his love for Dick *genuinely* is so integral to being Batman. like it's undeniable even to an outsider, how much Bruce needs Dick as a moral compass, as a true north, as his family. Cass just happens to pick up on it being entangled with a romantic longing that Bruce has *zero* interest in pursuing. until of course, he sees Cass pursuing it. bc i think Dick gets flirted with so much, he sort of tunes it out. he doesn't notice, immediately, that Cass is trying to flirt with him, especially bc Cass isn't the best at it. she's trying tho! but Bruce. Bruce notices instantly and at first, he thinks it's the same sort of hero crush Tim has for Dick and that it's no real issue. until Cass starts genuinely pursuing Dick. they start with an awkward standoff. the fun thing about Bruce and Cass is they don't need words to argue, they just need pointed stares and clear actions. Cass flirts with Dick, Bruce makes a point to not have them work together on the latest mission, all while staring her down. Dick can tell there's some kind of tension going on, but no matter how much he prods, he can't *quite* figure it out.

Dick slowly realizes when Cass gets more bold. at this point she's both doing it to spite Bruce and to be Batman, but along the way, there are some real feelings. Dick tries to... gently turn her down/ he doesn't want to hurt her feelings, but Cass doesn't have the best understanding of romantic vs familial love, so she can tell Dick loves and cares about her and she just assumes he's a little shy about it and she doubles down. besides, that's what Bruce does at Batman, and that's her real goal here. meanwhile, Bruce has never acted on his feelings before, but he'll be damned if Cass beats him to Dick. so he also starts. dropping hints toward Dick. becoming more romantic toward Dick with gestures and gifts. and now Dick is caught between the two of them both lavishing him with attention and compliments.

Dick being kind of at a loss of what to do is fun. like how do you even navigate two people who you view as family both deciding to start a small war over courting you. he's flattered, but he just wants things back to normal. and whenever he rejects one of them, it just spurns on the other to think they're gaining ground. logically, Bruce is aware that Dick doesn't reciprocate for either of them. but he's driven by such an angry possessive streak over Cass' actions he's not exactly thinking with his brain. Bruce can be the goddamn king of petty, when he wants to be. the ante just keeps getting upped, until i think one of them even gets bold enough to come onto Dick sexually. probably Cass first.

on one hand, i do sort of like the idea of Dick finally caving and agreeing to date one of them just to make it stop. i think he'd go with Cass, just because she's closer in age and far more agreeable than Bruce is. i rlly love a fic with an unhappy hurt/no comfort ending where Dick sacrifices his happiness for his loves ones because it's so in character for him. if it makes Cass happy, he'll go with it, bc he really does love her and maybe he can trick himself into being in love with her. but i think the more realistic route is that probably with Tim and Alfred's help, Dick stages a serious intervention where he laws down the law in no uncertain terms. Bruce and Cass agree to back off, but it's does take months before their standoffish behavior with each other subsides.

and as a hilarious ending, i think it'd be funny if the cycle starts again when Bruce gets eyes for someone else. bc this whole thing is what convinces him to move on from Dick and try to focus on himself, so he starts getting feelings for someone else and of course Cass is going to jump on it. i think the funniest option here is Minhkhoa Khan, bc that is a man who would take one look at the situation and fucking *preen* over the attention and lean right into that shit, just to see how far he can take it.

[twopoppies]

Would you have a rolling stone subscription or any of your followers please? https://www.rollingstone.com/tv-movies/tv-movie-features/american-idol-lgbtq-contestants-1235027350/

It doesn't seem to be behind any sort of paywall for me, but I tend tp be cautious when reposting entire articles because blogs have been taken down for it before. Here's most of the worst of it, though. DM me if you want more and can't access it.

Travis wasn’t aware that he couldn’t carry a tune until his audition aired on TV a year later, in January 2006. Seated in the living room of the same halfway-house counselor who had driven him to the audition, he thought to himself, “God, I do suck.” But the realization was too late. His phone was already being blitzed with calls, first check-ins from friends and family members and then requests for interviews with People and Us Weekly. Soon after, Travis says the LGBTQ+ advocacy group GLAAD (which did not respond to a request for comment on this story) telephoned with the offer of taking action against Idol on his behalf. He thought to himself, “What the fuck did I just do?”

The public reaction to Travis’ off-key rendition of Whitney Houston’s 1993 single “Queen of the Night” is perhaps most succinctly summed up by the title of a YouTube video of the tryout: “American Idol Audition Boy or Girl.” Travis wore bell-bottom jeans in a feminine cut and a white tank top to his audition, pulling his wavy blonde hair behind his ears. Simon Cowell, infamously the harshest critic among the show’s original trio of judges, appeared horrified by the sight of Travis, his mouth agape. After Randy Jackson, the panel’s swing vote, kicked things off by asking the contestant to say “something interesting” about himself, Cowell asked, “That’s necessary, is it?” Cowell proceeded to stop Travis in the middle of his performance, which he called “confused.”

Travis has come a long way since Idol. After pivoting to a successful career in gay porn under the name Kirk Cummings, he retired from the adult entertainment industry and now works as a dog groomer, a profession he finds peaceful. But even 19 years later, he finds the footage of his audition tough to watch. As he left the studio in tears, editors added the theme music to The Crying Game, the 1992 film that uses the sight of a trans woman’s body to shock viewers. Today, Travis presents as male and uses masculine pronouns, but at the time of his audition, he had hoped to someday transition. He even had his new name picked out: Kelly. When he was incarcerated, others would try to dissuade him from pursuing a future as a trans person by telling him that it’s a “really hard life,” and Idol seemed to prove them all right. 

“I thought, ‘Wow, if this is how my life’s going to be, then I don’t want any part of it,’” he says. “My experience is not the normal experience of a trans person, but because I had chosen to be on a television show, I saw the worst of it.”

Open cruelty is no longer part of the Idol brand, now that the show is in its second run on ABC after Fox canceled the long-running program in 2015. The series, like much of contemporary reality TV, now trades on positivity, and the annual tradition of airing bad auditions has long been discontinued. But during the height of its popularity in the 2000s, schadenfreude was a major part of the show’s appeal. While launching the careers of instant household names like Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood, Idol was also the show where tens of millions of viewers watched Cowell tell Season Three contestant Heather Piccinini that she’s “ugly” when she sings and belittle Season Five’s Crystal Parizanski for overtanning; he even pulled Parizanski’s mother into the room to humiliate the contestant further. The show’s June 2002 premiere, in which Cowell advised a young woman to sue her vocal coach, made it clear what Idol would be selling.

That feed-them-to-the-lions approach made Idol the number-one program on TV six years running, the longest stretch at the top in broadcast history — but the show tended to prey on its most vulnerable contestants, perhaps unwittingly. Idol producers were forced to issue an apology after Cowell compared Season Six hopeful Kenneth Briggs, who has facial malformations due to Aarskog Syndrome, to a “bush baby.” Season Five’s Paula Goodspeed took her own life outside judge Paula Abdul’s home in 2008 after Cowell criticized the contestant’s metal braces following a performance of the Creedence Clearwater Revival/Ike and Tina Turner standard “Proud Mary.” Goodspeed was reportedly an obsessive stalker who changed her given name in tribute to Abdul, and the contest judge publicly criticized Idol’s producers for not doing more to protect her, saying she alerted them to Goodspeed’s behavior prior to the audition. (A spokesperson for the show did not comment on Abdul’s accusation at the time.)

Among those most targeted by Idol’s alleged abuses were anyone who was outside of the norm, as defined by the extremely narrow standards of Bush-era popular culture. This often included contestants who were experiencing mental health issues, individuals with disabilities, people of color, and plus-size singers like the late Mandisa Huntley, the Season Five contestant of whom Cowell infamously asked: “Do we have a bigger stage this year?” But Idol enjoyed a particularly contentious relationship with the queer contestants who hoped that the series would offer their big break into an unforgiving industry, many of whom had only started to come to an understanding of their LGBTQ+ identities. In another exchange condemned by GLAAD, Cowell told Travis’ fellow Season Five hopeful Charles Berry, who now is an out gay man, to shave off his beard and “wear a dress,” saying that he would make a “great female impersonator.”

Keith Beukelaer, whom Cowell famously called “the worst singer in the world,” knew immediately after his Season Two audition that it would end up being broadcast. “It’s something that I don’t know if I ever fully recovered from,” he says. “I remember it as if it was yesterday.” A devoted Madonna fan, he performed “Like a Virgin” in a green mock-turtleneck sweater, gyrating his body in sync with the song’s suggestive lyrics. Beukelaer has come to understand himself as having Asperger’s Syndrome, although he didn’t have the language for it at the time, and he came out as gay a few years after appearing on the program. He still struggles with the notoriety that his brief appearance on Idol brought, the decades of mockery that followed six minutes of air time.

Cowell did not return multiple requests for comment for this story. Neither did Jackson, longtime host Ryan Seacrest, or Idol creator Simon Fuller — who based the show off his own U.K. series Pop Idol, which aired from 2001 to 2003. But a source close to the production, who requested not to be named in this story, defended the show by affirming that “every single person who came on Idol, whatever their race, color, creed, or sexual preferences, was placed squarely in the firing line for Simon’s barbed critiques.”

[...]

What was a queer paradise for some, however, was a nightmare for others. Of those who spoke on the record, many say that Idol effectively forced them into the closet, and they believe it’s because the show was fearful that an openly queer contestant would alienate the show’s largely conservative viewership.

[...]

There was no rule saying that queer contestants couldn’t discuss their personal lives, but some singers say that Idol made it clear that some things were best kept secret. R.J. Helton, who uses they/them pronouns, went back into the closet and started dating a woman before they auditioned for Idol’s first season, hoping to make their family happy. Helton’s parents always envisioned that they would become a pastor or a Christian music artist, and when Helton’s boy band, the Soul Focus, went their separate ways, competing on Idol felt like a logical next step. Having recently broken things off with their fiancée, not wanting to live a lie, Helton began seeing their Idol stand-in during the season. Although they kept the romance a secret from producers, Helton says the other contestants knew. “None of them cared,” they say. “It was the first time that I felt accepted by a group of people.”

Idol producers never found out about the relationship, but the stakes were nonetheless made clear when executive producer Nigel Lythgoe, the show’s most influential creative voice, pulled Helton aside after seeing them exchange a friendly peck on the cheek with a male member of the crew. “Listen, we love you,” Helton says the producer told them. “We think you’re great, but let’s continue on the sweet side, with the Christian boy thing.” In their on-camera interviews and stage performances, Helton says they tried to tone down their natural ebullience, “butching it up” and staying as quiet as possible. A team of publicists, they recall, followed Helton everywhere “because they didn’t want me to break character.” 

In an email to Rolling Stone, Lythgoe asserts that he “never stopped any contestant from coming out” and says he “never would have done so.” “I did work with a number of individuals who, sadly, were struggling with issues around coming out, and I provided feedback that was very common at the time: that they should let their talent do the talking and not allow others to denigrate them based on their personal lives,” he says. “If anyone was hurt by my advice on those issues, I can only apologize, but I only ever wanted to help and support the wonderful young people who competed on the first seasons of Idol, several of whom, tragically, were torn between a desire to live their truth openly and a great fear about how they would be treated on returning home by their families, by their communities, and even by God.”

Helton, now with the clarity of hindsight, wishes they’d had the confidence to present their full self to America. After being dropped from their record label following a 2006 interview in which they came out as gay, Helton recently came to the realization of their nonbinary identity. “I know it was a different generation, but there are parts of me that think: ‘If I could have worn a gorgeous evening gown with a full beard, I could have won,’” Helton says. When producers would tap them on the shoulder to remind them, “Hey, we don’t talk about this,” it made Helton scared of losing the only affirmation they’d ever had. “As a young person, that really plays with your psyche, especially when you’re not used to the spotlight, loads of fans, or the money. You just do what you’re told. I don’t know if that’s selling your soul to the devil, but it did feel like that. They lifted me up, put me on a pedestal, and told me that the pedestal will only be there as long as I play this part.”

Helton’s fellow Season One cast member Jim Verraros has spent years in therapy working to unlearn many of the unfortunate lessons he says Idol taught him, namely that it wasn’t OK to be himself. That education began with the Pygmalion-esque makeover given to the show’s aspiring superstars: Idol immediately traded in his nerdy aesthetic — wiry glasses and jean jackets with the collar popped — for a generic rock look, sleeveless vests with leather cuff bracelets. He got contacts, lowered his voice half an octave, and put away what he calls the “theatrical and stage part of me that comes also from having deaf parents and being expressive.” “It comes at a cost,” he says. “When you’re told that you aren’t enough — or that this version of you doesn’t work — you spend a big part of your life taking parts away from you so that you can achieve those dreams.”

Although Verraros made the Top 10 of his season, he struggled with the role created for him, and the miscasting of a nebbishy gay Midwestern boy as a conservative-friendly heartthrob led to friction with the show’s creative team. Former co-host Brian Dunkleman, who emceed Idol’s first season alongside Ryan Seacrest, says he overheard Cowell and Randy Jackson discussing plans to directly target Verraros, hoping to get a strong reaction out of him that they could film. “We’re gonna nail Jim,” he recalls the judges saying as they were having coffee in an Idol break room. Cowell tended to reserve his harshest critiques of the show’s inaugural cast for Verraros, and following that discussion, he told the contestant live on air, “I think if you win this competition, we would have failed.”

Idol did get the emotional reaction it sought from Verraros in a scene that ultimately landed on the cutting-room floor. Prior to the announcement of the season’s Top 10 finalists, Dunkleman says that Cowell informed the contestants they would be using the “judges’ veto” to oust one of them from the show. “Jim, you’re out of the competition,” Cowell told Verraros, prompting the young singer to burst into tears. (That’s when Dunkleman recalls that Lythgoe came over and instructed everyone to sing a modified version of the Monkees’ “Daydream Believer” to brighten Verraros’ spirits. “Cheer up, sleepy Jim,” fellow contestants sang together in unison.) For reasons that are unclear, Lythgoe opted to backtrack on the judges’ decision, Dunkleman says, allowing Verraros to move forward to the next round after all. “Later that night, I was at dinner and I got a pretty frantic message from Nigel saying, ‘Look, there’s been a change. Jim is back in the competition. Just please don’t tell anybody about anything that happened today,’” Dunkleman remembers. “And then the next night he made the Top 10.”

Those incidents, Dunkleman adds, played a major role in his decision to part ways with Idol, calling the program “evil.” He also recalls that a judging panel needed to be refilmed so Cowell could call Helton a “loser” instead of a “monkey.” “That’s what it was,” he says of Idol. “It was about how mean they were. It was about how shocking this was and how much they were making fun of these singers.” He isn’t sure, though, why the show singled Helton and Verraros out in particular. “Is it conscious targeting or is it subconscious? That kind of undertone, maybe they weren’t even aware of it.”

[...]

AMERICAN IDOL often strained to fit queer contestants into an instantly recognizable mold that producers could market for the widest possible audience. Simon Cowell declared that he would quit the program if Sanjaya Malakar, an affable Season Six hopeful with a perpetual smile, won the competition. Malakar, who is half Bengali and performed with the Hawaii Children’s Theater during his time living in Kauai, was unlike any singer the show had ever seen. He was earnest and goofy, striding up to the judges’ table to dance with Paula Abdul during a performance of Irving Berlin’s “Cheek to Cheek.” He also straddled the lines of gender, flat-ironing his chameleonic locks for a winsome cover of John Mayer’s “Waiting on the World To Change.” After weeks of all but begging viewers to vote Malakar off the show, Cowell commented regarding the latter song: “Maybe it’s your hair that’s keeping you in. I don’t know.”

Malakar came out as bisexual many years after Idol was over, finding himself after taking a job at a karaoke bar in New York where he found freedom in anonymity. What was hardest for Malakar to navigate, he says, was not the constant scrutiny from Idol’s judges but the vitriolic reaction from fans. A MySpace blogger vowed to stop eating until Malakar was sent home, although the contestant outlasted the hunger strike, which ceased after 16 days. The website Vote for the Worst, which urged fans to subvert the Idol system by keeping on its quirkiest and most divisive contestants, took up Malakar as a personal cause.

Looking back, Malakar believes that it’s the ambiguity of how he presented that bothered people so much. The judges and viewers just couldn’t figure him out because, as a 17-year-old kid who hadn’t graduated high school yet, he hadn’t figured himself out. “There was no way to really understand how to define me,” he says. “They didn’t know what culture I was. They didn’t know what sexuality I was. They didn’t know what genre I was. I was this anomaly that made people uncomfortable.”

The queer singers who had the most painful time being reshaped by the Idol system were those who stood out the most, whether they were flamboyant and over-the-top in their performance style, like Malakar, or their gender presentation skewed toward the effeminate. Season Eight runner-up Adam Lambert — who declined to speak for this story, citing his shooting schedule for The Voice Australia, on which he is a judge — has said that queer contestants who didn’t have the ability to hide were used by Idol as “comic relief.” “Anytime someone came on the show that was perceived to be gay or it was obvious enough that they were gay, they were a joke,” he remarked to the British music magazine NME in a 2018 interview. He added: “To be fair, some of them weren’t great singers, but there were a couple of really good singers that came on. And they weren’t taken seriously.”

To illustrate his point, Lambert noted the example of Adore Delano from Seasons Six and Seven, who would later contend on the reality competition show RuPaul’s Drag Race. Delano declined to participate in this story, but in a 2023 Instagram video publicly announcing her transition, she said that she went back into the closet to compete on Idol. Appearing on the show led her to suppress her transness in order to present herself as “something that was so uncomfortable,” she recalled. And yet her effervescent femininity couldn’t be contained: During her second appearance on Idol, she performed a sassy rendition of “Jailhouse Rock” by Elvis Presley that Cowell deemed “hideous” and “verging on the grotesque.” Delano was ultimately eliminated from the Top 16 after a performance of Soft Cell’s queer anthem “Tainted Love” that Cowell declared “absolutely useless.” She dyed her silky hair purple for the number.

Like Delano, Atlas Marshall auditioned for Idol twice, making it to the Top 36 in Season Eight and then trying out again for Season 16. Both experiences were extremely fraught. Following a performance of Meat Loaf’s “I’d Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That)” during her first appearance on the show, Cowell looked at Marshall and remarked, “I think you probably would.” Even as a guileless 18-year-old with frosted emo bangs and angel-bite piercings, Marshall realized it was a “loaded comment.” “The joke around that song is that it’s about anal sex,” she says. After the audience booed Cowell’s remark, Ryan Seacrest, then the show’s sole emcee, invited Marshall to come sit on the judge’s lap, but Paula Abdul intervened and beckoned the contestant to rest on hers instead. Marshall was voted off Idol the next day.

[...] Marshall’s mother, who recently passed away, was a lesbian, and she raised her child in a queer household where it was OK to be “open, flamboyant, and fabulous,” as Marshall recalls. Being taught by Idol that the outside world might mock the parts of herself she was taught to embrace was a rude awakening. “For so long, there was a lot of shame around it,” she says of her first Idol experience. “I felt gross. I didn’t like myself.”

[...]

While the team behind Idol’s current iteration did not offer a comment on the record, the source close to the Fox production contests the idea that the show stopped contestants from expressing their most authentic selves, while adding that “coming out might have damaged certain contestants’ chances for success.” “No one ever prevented anyone from doing so, but there was often a sense — right or wrong — that it would be better if the American public’s vote was based more on their judgment about the performers’ talent rather than their sexual orientations,” the source says.

[...]

Although it would feel convenient to point the finger solely at Idol, the show at its peak reflected America’s culture as much as it defined it. When the series premiered in 2002, polling from Gallup showed that 43 percent of the U.S. populace still thought homosexuality should be illegal; Lawrence v. Texas, the Supreme Court ruling that struck down sodomy laws in the 14 states where gay sex was still illegal, wouldn’t be issued for another year. A majority of Americans wouldn’t support the right of same-sex couples to marry until 2011, during Idol’s tenth season on the air. That was also, coincidentally, the first season not to feature either Paula Abdul or Simon Cowell on the judges panel. Abdul, hailed by sources as a major supporter of queer contestants behind the scenes, parted ways with the program after Season Eight. Cowell left the following year to launch the U.S. spinoff of The X Factor, the British singing competition he created in 2004.

[...]

For all the troubles that some queer contestants say they had on the show, many argue that Idol’s missteps paled in comparison to how cruelly they were treated by the rest of the media, the music industry, and even America at large. Idol voters eliminated Season Seven’s David Hernandez the week after an Associated Press story revealed that he had previously worked as a dancer at a Arizona strip club that catered to a “mostly male” clientele. By that time, photos that allegedly showed Hernandez bartending at a gay nightclub had already been published on Vote for the Worst, although Hernandez says the pictures weren’t even of him. He says that Idol was already well aware of his work history by the time the reports surfaced, as he disclosed the information in the extensive questionnaire the show required contestants to complete; spanning over 100 pages in length, it also asked singers to name their past sexual and romantic partners.

[...]

The media persecution of queer Idol contestants was so de rigueur during the show’s imperial era that few even questioned it. Jim Verraros’ coming out in 2002 prompted a two-page spread in the Globe, a U.S. supermarket tabloid, asking: “Who’s Next?” Chatter surrounding Adam Lambert’s sexuality made the New York Times after photos circulated of the singer, eyes covered in makeup and glitter all over his face, locking lips with another man. Following the Season Two finale, Clay Aiken says that the first question that he was ever asked by a reporter was: “Are you gay?” He wouldn’t formally come out until a 2008 People magazine cover story coinciding with the birth of his son, and for years, he says, confirmation of his sexual orientation “was the only thing that anybody in the press wanted” from him. “I never did an interview where somebody was not trying to ask me if I was gay,” he says, later adding: “Everybody wanted to be the one who got it.”

Aiken says that speculation regarding his sexuality reached such a fever pitch that, for a time, he stopped leaving his house. Even then, there was no hiding from it: “If I heard anybody setting up a gay joke on a sitcom or a late-night show, I held my breath because I knew my name was coming. Eighty percent of the time I was right.” The topic was a frequent punchline of late-night host Jimmy Kimmel, who frequently booked Aiken to appear on his show, and comedian Kathy Griffin spent a full 15 minutes discussing Aiken’s sexuality in a 2005 stand-up special on Bravo. “I do find him to allegedly be the gayest man in the free world,” she said in the routine, calling him “Gayken” to hearty applause from the crowd. Even two years after he had actually come out, a Season Eight episode of Family Guy saw Stewie, during a parody of Family Feud, being asked to name a “popular fruit” and responding: “Clay Aiken.” “I laugh at them now,” he says of the jokes, noting that he calls Griffin a friend. “I find them hilarious now, but at the time, it hurt a lot.”

Full article here

[techtalksfics]

Headcanons - Shy S/O

Author's Note: This was another anonymous request, it was non-specific so I ran with it. Prompt 61: A Shy S/O. Hope it's okay!

Wrecker

How did you meet? Over a shared love of Mantell Mix. You’d seen him at the stall several times. He was somewhat hard to miss, due to his size, even when he was on his knees sharing with Omega. You’d overheard Cid’s name mentioned so you figured if you hung out at the parlour enough, you may run into him eventually.

Who approached who? He approaches you. He’d seen you staring and at first, he was self-conscious. Assumed you didn’t like clones or the way he looked. But after speaking to Hunter, it became clear that you were interested…just shy. You introduced yourself and that was that. He may have been a little less nervous than you, but he could feel his heart hammer in his chest as he got closer to you. . His introduction was far from perfect, he scratched his neck and sort of mumbled out “uh – hi, Wrecker,” his eyes went wide, “my name is Wrecker.” Smooth. Real Smooth. When he spoke to you, you blushed immediately and stumbled over your words. He realised just how shy you were, so he may have overcompensated a little bit. More than a little bit. He talked a lot, he laughed louder than normal, and he made the first move for a date, for a kiss, for more.

Do they talk about the shyness? After your first kiss, you’d panicked and tried to run away but he simply followed you. When he finally got you to talk and, believe me, it was a struggle, you simply told him, “I guess I…you just make me nervous.” He gave you a look as if to say no shit. He placed his hand on your cheek, but the sheer size made it cover you face and that made you giggle. He giggled along with you. “You don’t need to be nervous with me. I’m just some big,” he kissed you, “idiot. But if you are nervous, that’s – uh – okay too. I like you, for you. Nerves and all.”

Hunter

How did you meet? Hunter had gone for a walk, just to get some space, some peace and quiet in his mind. They were on some distant planet and once again, Tech and Echo needed to repair the ship. He’d sighed at that. They couldn’t seem to go anywhere without damaging their home. What he hadn’t told the others is that he just needed some time to himself, and he had wanted to try this ‘meditation’ thing Omega had been going on about. He’d settled himself in a secluded area and closed his eyes, trying to focus on his breath.

Who approached who? Now normally, you would never approach a stranger, but he was sitting next to a pretty potent and poisonous plant and you worried that with wrong move, he’d find himself in a lot of trouble. You tried clearing your throat, but it was so quiet, you were certain he hadn’t heard you. Come on, you can do this, you thought, gearing yourself up. What you didn’t know is that he knew you were there, but he just did not want to open his eyes. He’d been peaceful… until you cleared your thought. “Um, excuse me,” you mumbled barely above a whisper, “I…I just thought you oughta know that plant is pr-pretty dangerous.” With that his eyes whipped open and he saw you. You were the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen even with the crimson dusting on your cheeks and the nervous twitch of your hand.

Do they talk about the shyness? Yes, definitely. He’d probably notice your nervous twitches, the way you bite your nails, the way your heart races and unfortunately, the man has heightened senses so can smell the nervous sweat as it pours from you. Before he could pursue you, with a clear conscience at least, he had to discuss it with you. You talked for a long time, about trauma and just the way certain situations made you feel. Explaining that’s why you came to the middle of nowhere, why you lived the life you did, and he seemed to understand. When he eventually took your hand in his, he affirmed “there’s nothing wrong with being shy, there’s nothing wrong with being cautious. That smart head of yours just understands that there’s a balance of good and bad in this world.”

Tech

How did you meet?  You did some repair work for Cid when she wasn’t able to do it herself. You were quiet, cheap and didn’t ask too many questions, particularly about her newly acquired clone friends. But you didn’t ask for fear of introduction. You were often around when mission briefs were happening, either fixing something of Cid’s or completing contracted repair work which Cid let you do in her parlour. She said you needed the company – she was probably not wrong.

Who approached who? Tech would approach you, though not that you hadn’t tried on several occasions. But on those occasions where you’d tried, he’d be working on something, and you thought perhaps you could help. You’d walk towards him with purpose and then divert away before actually reaching him. He’d noticed. Of course, he had. He couldn’t understand why you couldn’t simply talk to him. In his eyes, you had much in common and he had admired your work ethic from afar. It wasn’t until after he realised that you were distracting his otherwise streamline thoughts that he approached you, asking some innocuous question about your work. He already knew the answer, but he thought it might make it easier for you to speak to him. He knew you were shy, and he had been right. Talking about your mutual love of tech kickstarted a beautiful friendship and when the time eventually came, a beautiful romance.

Do they talk about the shyness? Yes, but not really in the way the others would discuss it. It would more be a case of fascination. A fascination with how he made you feel shyer than his brothers, about the things that trigger anxiety, about how your body feels, what your brain experiences. Almost like a scientific experiment. When you finally asked him about it, as you sat next to him in the cockpit, you asked why he was so fascinated. “I am fascinated,” Tech choked on his voice for a moment, “but only in so far as I have learned that talking helps with shyness and anxiety or panic attacks. I hoped the talking may ease your worry.” Tech was helping you strategically – the best way he knew how.

Crosshair

How did you meet?  You were a medic for the Empire, though not really by choice. You’d sort of inherited the role from your work with the Republic but after the fall of the jedi, your safest option was the Empire, as much as you hated it. You were a steady medic and often had ingenious ideas. But people were not really your thing. You were far worse around a certain silver-haired clone than you were any of the regs. He seemed tired and lonely – feelings to which you could relate. Not that you’d tell him. You could barely string to words together in his company.

Who approached who? Approached may not be applicable in this introduction. He was injured and you were the medic on call. Although he made the effort to get you talking. “You don’t talk much, huh?” Was all he could think of to ask you. It’s not like you’d given him much to go on. Blushing pink, you mumbled, “unless you want an update on minor injuries, I don’t have much of interest to say.” He smirked at that. So, there was little bit of fire in your belly and that’s when he realised, you really were just shy. Fiery but shy. A combination he liked in a woman.

Do they talk about the shyness? Your relationship with Crosshair didn’t rely a great deal on talking, particularly in the early days. Every once and while, he’d nip at your earlobe and whisper things like, “who knew such a shy girl could be so dirty.” Or he’d joke that it’s always the quiet ones. But, as your connection deepened, it drifted into deeper thoughts, he wanted to know why someone as capable as you could be as shy are you are. You’d be vague, call it a rough childhood, bad family, hard times, whatever worked. Given more and more time, you’d become more and more specific and he cherished that, though he’d never admit that out loud.

Echo

How did you meet? Rex introduced you. A rebel fighting the cause, alongside the clones. You’d fought with clones throughout the wars, and you weren’t giving up now. The introduction was so very vague. Rex had given a sigh and a little shrug, he pointed at you and said your name and your rank and then pointed at Echo, spoke his name for your benefit and announced as a member of “Clone Force 99”. That piqued your interest. All you could muster after the lacklustre introduction, was a small ‘hi’ and a little wave. Well, truthfully, everything about him had piqued your interest. You’d watched from afar as Rex had walked through the room with his arm around the new clone and you’d continued to watch discretely. But that’s all you ever did…watch.

Who approached who? This one’s tough for Echo and it’s tough for you. You’re both incredibly shy, particularly when attracted to someone, but you both have a lot of questions you wanted to ask each other. Rex could spot the interest a mile off. He sighed at you attempting communication – hopeless. So, Rex had sat you both down for a makeshift dinner and almost forced you into communicating with one another. Once the conversation began to flow and the whole thing became less painful for Rex to watch, you became inseparable.

Do they talk about the shyness? You both eventually discuss your fears and insecurities with one another. Your biggest self-deprecating thought was how incredibly shy and introverted you were. He pointed out that so was he, but you still liked him. Luckily for you, he had no idea just how much you liked him. It would’ve been inappropriate at a time like this. One evening as you sat together watching the sunset, he turned his head to you and simply said, “you are fierce, and wise, and capable. Your shyness is just one part of you and I… I like every part of you.” You didn’t know your whole face could flush so much, so quickly.

[dreamylyfe-x]

Hi, I am pretty new to the Shameless/gallavich Fandom but first I LOVE YOUR FICS

Second, I've read some of your meta and I don't know about soaps but novelas and kdramas under my belt, I agree the come and go of Noel probably saved them from drama in later seasons, they probably have had them broke at one point also, they refused to make Mickey a principal, but one of my fav parts of s4 is that he finally gets his own arc (pimp and all that apart) and I'd have loved to see him explored outside his relationship with Ian

Hey! What an amazing surprise this is!

First of all, thank you.

Second: Novelas, kdramas (I have watched my share of t-dramas -- Devil Besides Me and Meteor Garden forever), Shondaland -- they will all give you the gist of that soap experience. My feeling is that we'd get a season six where both Mickey and Ian sort of struggle to figure out their adult lives -- and that's probably a decent enough story. They likely marry them in season seven. And then they spent seasons 8-11 (or however many seasons they get to keep them) messing them up. Not because Shameless burns plot the way soaps and novelas do, but because 11 seasons is a lot. And at some point they will decide they need conflict for Gallavich and that conflict will be in the era of Gay Jesus-type writing and I'm confident we'd have been very upset by it.

I will say I don't think they so much refused to make Mickey a principle as they didn't know for sure what they wanted to do with American Mickey or where he fit into their pretty full roster. Like, there was always a chance for him, since I believe his British counterpart sticks around, but he's not filling the same role that US Shameless Mickey does. Also, shows has a budget and I can completely see how they might not have had the money for him until season three.

In season five, Cam and Noel did an interview with Buzzfeed where the EP, Etan Frankel, talks about how Mickey turned into the character he'd become at that stage, and it's clear that they don't quite know where they're going with him, and then once they shoot 1x7 they know they've got something interesting to pursue. There are a lot of moving factors in making use of that, though, including Cam's age and how ian's character balances out with his siblings in terms of storyline. Gallavich get one of the most dramatic moments of the entire series in season three and I think that's really when they shift into being primaries on the show. More and more, they start to drive fan engagement online and that sets up season four where, absolutely, Mickey vaults ahead in terms of how much the show is paying to his inner life.

Part of that is because Cam is off filming The Giver, so he's not around for half the season, but I think the other part is what Etan is talking about in the Buzzfeed article -- they just know Noel can deliver. I particularly always think about this quote, in regards to both Noel and Cam as individual performers, but also when I think about their creative partnership:

As a writer, you feel secure writing a scene knowing they're going to knock it out of the park and they'll find things you didn't necessarily intend, so you find beautiful moments. It's exciting to see those dailies come back and saying, Oh wow, that wasn't even a moment in the script, but they've made it become a moment.

I know this is why we get so much Mickey in the first half of season 4. Not just that he needs to carry the torch for Gallavich by himself but because the writer's room knows they can give him that scene with the picture in the bathroom and the performance will convey how much Mickey misses Ian. This is also clearly when he essentially becomes a point-of-view character -- and he continues to be until he leaves the show in season six. So many key moments in those two seasons, particularly around Ian's illness, rely on the audience seeing Mickey's reactions and moments of realization. His confusion in 4x12. His reaction to the suitcases. His meltdown after Ian is hospitalized, where virtually his entire reaction is silent across two episodes. It's really great that they trusted him to do that. It's one of the reasons I think the story works so well.

Anyway. I find it a little jarring, when Mickey comes back, that he isn't quite the POV character he was. It improves in season 11 and we get more Mickey-centred storylines. But I feel consistently (particularly in the late seasons when I'm really not that invested in the rest of the story) that there was a lot more room to use Mickey the way they used to. But by then, it's a different kind of show.

[abiiors]

for small blurbs if u don’t mind anythinggg with george and bbf!reader i am truly obsessed xx

thanks for requesting bbf!george, i love him sm <33 since i mentioned aftercare at the end of truth or dare, that’s the blurb i’ll do hehe.

some allusions to smut, so minors dni!!

the first thing you realise is that you wake up in someone’s embrace. the second thing you realise is that someone is george. 

george. in your bed. naked.

not like you’re clothed either. and yet you lift up the blanket just to double check. yep, absolutely stark naked. you quickly close your eyes again, remembering the events of last night, the game of truth or dare, you challenging george. the kiss. and what followed after. 

almost as if on cue, your body makes you aware of the stinging sensation between your thighs, the soreness you feel in the lower half of your body. you try to get up and george’s hold on you tightens. 

in the light of the morning, he looks different. or rather it’s the fact that you’ve never seen him sleeping before. his face is soft, his messy, bleached hair fall on his forehead, all while his lips are parted. george breathes evenly—still asleep. so you turn to properly face him, losing yourself in the moment, in the thoughts of last night. 

absently you trace a finger on the bridge of his nose, straight down to trace it along his cupids bow and then his bottom lip before moving it up along his jawline. he’s so beautiful. so perfect.  

when you look down at yourself, you find a tattooed arm circling your waist as george snuggles more into you. 

“you’re staring,” he speaks suddenly, startling you. “good morning, sweetheart,” george smiles, a mischievous, sleepy grin that instantly brightens his face even when his eyes are closed. 

and if you thought his regular voice was hot, his morning voice has all sorts of butterflies swarming in your belly. it’s deeper than usual and scratchy from disuse. it’s all around you just like his scent is. just like he is. 

“only because you were drooling on my pillow,” you retort, trying to hide the heat creeping up your face. this was just a one night stand. no need to read too much into it. 

“sureee,” he drawls and opens his eyes. they are soft and full of light.

george stares at you unabashedly, assessing your face for something—what that is, you haven’t figured out yet but before you have the chance to ask, george speaks again. 

“how do you feel? any pain? discomfort?” 

you try to move around a little to assess the situation, hissing a bit at the discomfort. “a little,” you respond, “but not too bad. i’ll live.”

at that he rolls his eyes. “don’t sass me, healy. what kind of a man would i be if i didn’t take care of you after your first time?” 

you sputter out a response, a very clever “uh-huh”. you hate to admit it, but hearing him talk about sex—especially about sex with you—feels disarming. and then there’s the matter of the crush. 

something you still haven’t admitted to him. and you know it’s a bad idea, to pretend you’re only interested in sex when you actually have feelings for him but the thought of pursuing a proper relationship with him feels like a weight on your shoulders. 

not now. now isn’t the time. 

“what’s going on in there?” george interrupts your tiny spiral, tapping your forehead before he sits up properly. 

the blanket falls off him, landing around his hips and giving you a clear view of his chest—the clusters of freckles all over his shoulders, the thin dusting of hair on his chest, leading down to his stomach, the v of his abdomen, until it disappears under the blanket. just like the thoughts in your head 

“nothing,” you reply hastily, trying to hide your flaming face.

“you are so cute when you blush,” he teases, leaning in before capturing you mouth in an unexpected kiss. sweet, soft, full of something you can’t—won’t—put a name to. it makes the face-flaming situation ten times worse. 

when he pulls back, laughing again, you bury your face into the pillow—half out of mortification and half so he could get dressed in peace. there’s no way you can handle seeing him naked right now without wanting to jump his bones again. and something about the pain and discomfort makes it abundantly clear that you’re not ready for round two just yet. 

george clears his throat once he’s done and tosses your clothes onto the bed. “gotta use the loo,” he announces. privacy for you to get dressed. 

coincidentally, his cheeks also look pink. 

when george comes back, you’re sitting on the bed, fully dressed and massaging your stomach a little. the pain is already ebbing away but you imagine it would take a bit. 

“let’s get breakfast,” he propositions and you stare at him with slight disbelief. 

“yeah sure george, let’s walk out of the house hand in hand. let’s discuss last night with friends too, while we’re at it…”

george rolls his eyes. “alright, smartarse. i was going to suggest we sneak out the window. wouldn’t be the first time, would it?”

that does make you giggle. it certainly wouldn’t be the first time and the thought fills you up with warmth. 

“yeah fine, danes. okay. but if i fall…”

“yeah, yeah, yeah, i know,” he finishes, then places a hand over his heart. “wouldn’t let you get hurt, sweetheart. ever.” 

[rinwritesfics]

Hunt You Down

Plot: Kix swears up and down if you avoid medical attention again, he will come after you.

Warnings: Minors DNI, this gets sexy at the end. Fem!reader

Word Count: 1070

Author’s Note: Many of you showed immediate interest in this one on the poll – here's Kix, @the-rain-on-kamino (holy crap I can’t believe you found my little blog! I'm freaking out over here.).

“I told you, I’m fine! It’s just a little scrape!” You waved your hand through the air. Well, the one he wasn’t working on, anyway.

Kix didn’t look away from his work. “It is not just a little scrape! This almost required stitches, Y/N!”

You grumbled and sat back in the chair. “But it didn’t.”

He scowled, pausing his bandaging of the back of your hand. “Why are you so averse to getting medical treatment?”

“I don’t need it.” You giggled. “I exist just to piss you off, Kix.”

His eyes narrowed. “That’s Fives. Tell me the real reason.”

Your stomach did a flip-flop. The real reason was something you couldn’t tell him. “Well, you’re a combat medic. You have more important things to do than this.”

Suddenly, his voice got uncharacteristically soft. “This is still important.”

The sound made you melt a little and your lips parted. “Well, uh, thanks Kix.”

He finished wrapping the cut and gently examined the job he did. You wanted him to let go of your hand – you were enjoying it more than you were supposed to.

“Anyway,” continued Kix as he cleared his throat and glanced back up at you, “Don’t make me come find you for things again. Because I will hunt you down.”

“Okay. Can I go now? I have to finish installing that fuel line.”

Kix sighed. “Just wear gloves this time.”

“Sure, doc. Thanks!” With that, you darted out of his medbay, internally cursing yourself for getting into his proximity. You were supposed to be beating back the feelings you had for him. He was one of the main medical care providers, and it was inappropriate for you to be his patient and want to date him at the same time. There was no reason for you to pursue him.

A few days later, you heard a yell for you and your blood ran cold. It was Kix, and he had come to find you. Damn it, what had you done?

You were pretty sure you hadn’t done anything this time, actually. You had meticulously cared for your cut and ensured you hadn’t even stubbed your toe. So, what did he want you for?

“Kix, can whatever it is wait? I’m almost done with my shift.”

“I’m going to stand right here until you are done,” he said, his tone dangerously low. It scared you, to be honest. What was so important that he was acting like this?

That whole time, you tried to act like he wasn’t there. As soon as you took off your gloves, Kix dragged you by your wrist to the medbay. He pulled you in through the doors and then to a smaller office.

You laughed nervously. “What am I doing in here?”

He cleared his throat. “I have a sensitive medical matter to discuss with you, as you’ve put off your health again.”

You crossed your arms and leaned against the wall. “Oh, yeah?”

“You’ve been putting off your pap smear.”

You blanched, then blushed. “How… how is this relevant? How did you find out?”

“I checked your medical records to see if you had any outstanding needs on file. Since you’re a civvie, I have to make sure your health is tip top, too.” He cleared his throat again and sorted a couple datapads on the desk, briefly glancing up at you.

“So, you brought me here because of a pap smear?” You fumed. “Kix, we’re at war here! The least important medical procedure to focus on is a smear!”

He growled back, “I told you not to make me hunt you down for your health!”

“I don’t think a vaginal examination qualifies!” you shouted. Both of you mirrored each other, furrowed brows, flexing fists, and pursed lips. Then it occurred to you and you deflated slightly.

“Kix, you could have just sent me a message about it. Why did you find a missed examination like this one so important?”

His whole body tensed, but his face relaxed in embarrassment. “I, uh….”

You waited a moment, but he didn’t say anything. “Okay, well, I’m leaving.”

“Because I care about you!” he said loudly and rushed. You stopped in your tracks.

“You care about me?”

“Yeah, more than is appropriate, actually.”

You started to laugh, relieved. “So you hunted me down to give me a smear? All because you like me?”

“Well, when you say it like that, it becomes really inappropriate.” He rubbed the back of his neck and chuckled, his face getting a little darker in a blush.

“Yeah, yeah it kind of does.”

He sighed. “I-I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have let it get this far. I tend to stop thinking properly when it comes to you.”

You paused, the said softly, “Maybe you should refer me to another medic.”

“Oh,” he choked out as his face paled, then put a hand on his datapad and dipped his face so it was harder to see his eyes. “Right.”

Oh, dear, he misunderstood. You rushed to continue, “I mean, that way I can admit something to you and it’s no longer inappropriate.”

His head shot up and his glassy eyes met yours, his mouth open slightly.

“I’ve got feelings for you, too, Kix. It was just never appropriate for me to admit it.”

He dropped the datapad on the desk, then glanced down as he belatedly realized it. “Y-you do?”

“Yeah,” you said softly.

He looked between you and the datapad, a hunger suddenly in his eyes.

“Maybe you should fill out the form before you kiss me,” you whispered.

“Y-yeah. Right.” He picked up the datapad and began to furiously type. As soon as he sent it off, he rounded the desk, then paused in front of you.

“What are you waiting for?” you asked quietly. He looked above your head, then pointed his finger at a comms chime as it came through. Then he grabbed your cheeks and pulled you in for a kiss. The kiss was sweet, then got heavy and hungry. When he pulled back, an odd look was in his eye.

“You realize someone else will have to perform the exam, right?” he asked.

“It doesn’t mean I won’t let you stick your fingers in my -” Before you could finish, he kissed you again. He had obviously been waiting a long time to do this, and now, he was not going to waste any more time.

Taglist (open!): @trixie2023

[bengiyo]

Be My Favorite Ep 10 Stray Thoughts

Last week, Kawi and Pisaeng started dating and Not immediately ruined it by making everything about him as always. Not outs them repeatedly and tries to use it as an in with Pear. He breaks things off with Kwan, who genuinely likes him, and gets his ass handed to him by Pear. Meanwhile, Kawi is spiraling that once again his mistakes are causing problems for others, and Pisaeng pushes Kawi to try to see life more optimistically and just try to take care of each other. Pear is having her own problems as she reckons with her mom finding success as an artist after leaving her family to pursue that art.

Hopefully we get Max back this week.

Love us coming back to Kawi and Pisaeng affirming their connection and Pear affirming that she and Not do NOT have one.

YES, MISS PEAR! COME THROUGH, SIS! She said, “Kwan is my friend and you are a dick. DICK IS ABUNDANT AND LOW IN VALUE!”

I want to say here that while I absolutely despise Not, I think Title is giving a great performance in this role. He’s very good at playing disaffected man who is also the source of his own problems.

Okay, this boy just put hands on Kwan. Let’s stomp his ass.

I’m with the dad on “The more you forgive, the stronger you get.” It’s so easy to burn yourself out in righteous rage. I was there for a long time early in the BLM movement, and all I succeeded in doing was giving myself a bunch of a stress-related health issues. The work I do now is about uplifting now and less about fighting. We talked about this on @the-conversation-pod in The Eighth Sense about how forgiveness isn’t about admitting the other party is right. It’s about accepting what happened, determining the boundaries you need to establish for the future, and then focusing on what’s important to you. Holding resentment traps you in the moment you were last offended. You become a living ghost.

Oh interesting. Kawi is reading Crazy Rich Asians.

They are crushing me with the fathers today. I’m going to need Tom Phollawat and Kob Songsit to get off my neck. In all seriousness, Kob is clearly ridiculously talented. Krist is responding to his emotions better than he has with anyone else in the series.

There is something so poignant about Kawi doing everything he could to try to save his dad, still losing him, but getting closure this time because he was able to say goodbye to his father before the surgery. I’m trying not to cry right now.

I love that the first people we see Pear interacting with after that talk with her dad are Pisaeng and Kawi. Love that she made sure to clear up any angst between them. It’s beautiful because the show says she has a right to be disappointed about how things went even as she commits to maintaining two important friendships. These boys are throwing themselves before Pear about who should be castigated more and I love that.

Yes, now that Pear has affirmed her support for gay love, let’s go hang out with the gays. Welcome back, Max. I’ve missed you. You look amazing as always. Love these boots.

I love Max. He’s correct. Just because we know what’s going on doesn’t mean we also don’t need to be told. Up until we’re told, we technically just suspect. Kawi is lucky to have community.

Before I engage with Pisaeng’s mom’s latest form of gaslighting, I need to know what show they’re watching on this projector in the background.

Sowing doubt into your son’s first real relationship is so cruel. Pisaeng knows exactly what she’s doing, and Gawin is playing his hurt and offense completely legibly.

I’m really loving the theme in this show that there is a difference between avoiding misery and finding happiness.

I do love seeing folks figure out the early parts of their relationships. Kawi doesn’t like Pisaeng avoiding his problems with his mom around him, especially when Pisaeng came to him for comfort. Now we get to see these two sort out how intimacy is going to work for them.

I’m never going to complain about parents turning things around and choosing to support their kids, but I don’t think I like Pisaeng faking a conflict with his mom in the hopes that Kawi will be intimate with him.

The mom’s smile is giving Gates McFadden at the end of Make the Yuletide Gay (2009).

I’m really enjoying the way Gawin plays Pisaeng as flirty or cheeky.

I’m obsessed with Max wearing this big black jacket but having these shorts He has such long legs that the juxtaposition fees intentional.

The Ace Friend and Gay Slut duo is undefeated. Kawi being on the ace spectrum doesn’t surprise me. I’m sure people are going to chide Max for how he spoke to Kawi, but I get Max. He’s a sexual being and it’s clear that some of his experiences weren’t great. There are things to unpack there. However, this show is about accepting people as they are and understanding where they’re coming from. We’re not aiming for perfection. We’re aiming for honesty and kindness. Kawi does need to consider the needs of his partner if he’s going to be in a long term relationship with someone who isn’t on the spectrum like him.

Oh, Kawi. Don’t pretend to sleep.

For a moment I really wondered if the snow globe would transport Pisaeng, but he’s already rejected magical help for his problems.

I’m really hoping this show does something interesting with the asymmetric sexual desire between Kawi and Pisaeng. We were here before during SOTUS and it’s hard not to recall that.

The amusement park thing is not subtle, and I’m not sure how to feel about it. Kawi has always wanted to visit a place full of excitement and thrill, but is here just to soak in the vibes and eat food. Pisaeng isn’t on that wavelength and is a bit frustrated.

Okay, so the preview seems to indicate that Pisaeng maybe did time travel. Unsure about how we went from a kinda botched date to their first sober kiss and implied first time.

I’m not sure where I sit on the sex stuff this episode. I think I’m going to leave myself in this moment of uncertainty until next week to see what we learn about Pisaeng’s potential time jump, and Kawi’s follow up on Max urging him to consider the role of sex and intimacy in romance.

[cutemeat]

I really do believe that Dennis has a deep, relentless feeling that if he ever pursued a relationship with Mac- he'd get hurt. I suspect this is because in s6 after it's implied that they've slept together in the bar after Maureen kicks them out, later there is an exchange in Who Got Dee Pregnant? where, when Dennis is pissed at Mac for changing his costume last minute, the subtext seems to imply that (after sleeping together) Dennis wanted to do something TOGETHER (be in a relationship) but Mac wasn't ready for that level of commitment (so he changed their plans for matching costumes) and Dennis was deeply hurt by that.

And so of course Dennis never got over that rejection (cuz when does he ever), so even now that Mac is clearly VERY interested- Dennis instinctively pushes him away because his internal philosophy (courtesy of The Gang Gives Back) is: to hurt the other guy worse or as bad as he's hurt you. Which... he does, a lot, after Mac comes out by joining in on jokes made at his expense and being cruel (see: The Gang Texts). But in The Gang Texts it's also made clear through the blocking and framing of the scene between Mac and Dennis in the men's bathroom, that Mac and Dennis have sort of swapped places- Mac is out of the closet, but Dennis is still VERY deep inside of the closet (cat in the wall metaphor, helloooo!).

So, even though Dennis feels the same way he isn't going to just "give in" that easily. Because he's so used to every interpersonal relationship being a game, or a power exchange, and he can't seem to really realize that Mac does love him. This is not helped by the fact that Mac, in his texts to Dennis, says I love you so much but then follows that up with "but not in a gay way... even though I am gay" and that, again, just reminds Dennis of the rejection he's already gotten from Mac in the past which just makes him angrier.

But Dennis clearly still WANTS Mac to love him... In fact, it feels like he is waiting for Mac to make the first move. But he wants it to be honest, hence telling Mac in Gets Romantic "speak from the heart, sweep him off his feet."

This is why, I believe Dennis never fell out of love with Mac- but he is constantly frustrated with himself FOR being in love with Mac still, despite everything. Especially because, for so long, Mac was in such deep denial about even being gay- that the possibility of them ever getting together seemed impossible to Dennis for so long... Until Hero or Hate Crime. Then, suddenly, Mac was moving way too fast for Dennis- wanting to get into a relationship or pretend to have one... So Dennis had to fully distance himself.

Because I think Dennis has grown to find some sort of solace in being consistently rejected, and it makes sense with his upbringing and especially from his relationship with Frank, that he's come to expect disappointment in his interpersonal relationships- at best, he gets surface-level approval or dismissal without any true reciprocated love and understanding. And Mac definitely has those feelings for Dennis, as established by Tends Bar, but clearly, Dennis doesn't feel like that one instance of sincerity was enough to really make any significant change. If anything, it probably scared him cuz it totally messed with his very fixed worldview that Mac (and no one really) could or would ever possibly love him (and buy him shit on Valentine's Day)...

And I remember a post about this going around from a little while ago, but I also, when watching s13, had thought that maybe the reason Dennis doesn't outwardly reciprocate Mac's feelings (even if, internally, he does) is that Dennis is convinced that Mac doesn't actually love him. He believes that Mac only desires him as a sex object, a plaything, a boy toy (ironic, innit?)... So it's not so much that Dennis is straight, actually, and doesn't return Mac's feelings. The subtext of their relationship present throughout the show since at least season 5, paints a much more complicated and deeply human story. It's ironic too because Mac just misunderstood what Dennis meant what he said when he didn't have feelings- but loves him regardless. And Dennis is convinced anyone is incapable of loving him, so he just projects that onto everyone (including Mac). Again, a deeply human story is going on here.