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heartofstanding · 3 months

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Tell me everything about Joan if Kent, specifically which historians I should hiss at.

Oh man, Joan of Kent is awesome. It's hard to describe her life quickly because she had such a long and varied one. It spans from the end of Edward II's reign and the upheavals of Edward III's minority throughout the glory years of Edward III's reign to the decline in his latter years to the Peasants Revolt and the fragile beginnings of Richard II's reign. She can assume a number of different shapes: romantic heroine, powerful and influential woman, fashion icon, mediator, literary patron, scandal, survivor. She makes a status-defying match, ostensibly for love, and then follows it up by marrying the heir to the throne of England, again ostensibly for love.

Of course, it was the Middle Ages so a lot of medieval chroniclers and commentators saw her as the stereotypical wanton, transgressive woman.

Her story:

Joan was the daughter of Edmund, Earl of Kent (Edward I's youngest son) and Margaret Wake, and was thus Edward I's granddaughter, Edward II's niece and Edward III's first cousin. She was born before or on 29 September 1326-1328 (the exact year is debatable). Her father was executed in 1330 in highly controversial circumstances for attempting to free the deposed and likely dead Edward II.* Joan is generally believed to have become a ward of Philippa of Hainault as a small recompense for Kent's execution (Edward III and Philippa are believed to have played no role in Kent's execution). In the winter of 1340-41, Joan was married to William Montagu, the son and heir of the Earl of Salisbury. This was an entirely conventional match: he was of similar age and status to herself, the marriage ensured she would become Countess of Salisbury upon his father's death. But about seven years later, there was a scandal: a knight, Thomas Holland, claimed that Joan had married him clandestinely and that they had consummated it before she married Montagu. He appealed to the papal authorities to return her to him.

A long, protracted dispute followed. Montagu appears to have kept Joan imprisoned in strict seclusion so she could not respond or appoint an attorney to respond on her behalf to the papal investigation. Eventually, she was able to do so and evidently supported Holland's claim: the investigation found in Holland's favour. Her marriage to Montagu was annulled and she and Holland were have their marriage solemnised publicly.

Because of the scandal and the struggle to have the marriage recognised, as well as the unusualness of the match itself, Joan and Holland's relationship has typically been seen as a romance for the ages. But Joan was, at most, 13 years old (and possibly even as young as eleven) and Holland, born c. 1315, was around 25 years old, i.e. close to, if not actually, double her age, when they married clandestinely. At around 12 years old, she was considered to be "marriageable age" and a medieval 12 year old was likely considered more mature than a modern girl of the same age. But she was, still, you know, a 12 year old girl marrying a 25 year old man. That it has been hailed as a great romance is not really surprising given the stereotypical view of the Middle Ages as a time when dirty old men married preteen girls and raped them and the fact that until very recently Lolita was published with a blurb calling it the "only convincing love story" of the 20th century.

There are a number of legends attached to Joan from around this time. Two stories refer to a Countess of Salisbury and Joan held the title for the last four years of her Montagu marriage, though her then-mother-in-law, Katherine Grandison, also held the title as the dowager. The first story records that Edward III raped the Countess of Salisbury - the details of the story make it clear that Katherine, not Joan, is who was meant, though that has not stopped some with connecting the story to Joan specifically. The story itself is unverifiable - the earliest, i.e. contemporary, recording of the story contains both factually correct and factually incorrect details, and it is French in origin, which might mean it was propaganda designed to smear Edward III (this does not prevent it from being true, however). Some have suggested that the story has been confused. We certainly have no way of proving or disproving it beyond a doubt, but the idea it was meant to refer to Joan are very slim.

A second, much lighter story involves the foundation of the Order of the Garter. In it, the Countess of Salisbury is dancing when a garter slipped from legs, producing amusement. Edward picked up the garter and returned it, admonishing, "Honi soit qui mal y pense!" ('Shame on him who thinks ill of it!'), which then became the order's motto. This tale has also been heavily doubted and whether it was Joan or Katherine who is meant is debated. In both stories, Joan is often the more prominent candidate but that likely reflects how b*etter known she is and how these stories "fit" with her reputation as a beautiful, sexually desirable woman.

From 1350 to 1361, Joan gave birth to five children: Thomas, John, Joan, Maud and Edmund (who died in infancy). In 1352, Joan's only surviving sibling**, John, died childless and she inherited the earldom of Kent. This led to a massive step up in status and wealth for her new family. Holland died on 28 December 1360 from illness.

By spring 1361, Joan had another husband in line: Edward of Woodstock. Edward was the eldest son and heir of Edward III, Prince of Wales, war hero, chivalric icon and known famously, if anachronistically, as "the Black Prince". Joan was not the obvious choice for the Prince's wife - a conventional choice would be a royal or noble woman from the European continent (there had been a number of failed marriage negotiations for this type of marriage for the Prince), and had the Prince outlive his father, Joan would have been the first English-born queen since the Conquest. She was also the first Princess of Wales since Wales was incorporated into the English crown. It's frequently asserted that the Prince had long-loved Joan and he does appear to have referred affectionately to her, but we don't really know what Joan felt about the Prince or her marriage.

As a result of the Treaty of Bretigny, the Prince was to rule Aquitaine on Edward III's behalf. Joan and her Holland children accompanied him when he sailed to Aquitaine the following year. We don't know a lot about Joan in Aquitaine. We know her fashion sense drew fairly predictable criticism and that she gave birth to two sons while there. The first, named Edward, died in Aquitaine in 1370, aged 5 years old and the second would become Richard II. The Prince was much-criticised for his arrogance and ostentatious style in ruling Aquitaine and it's possible Joan was a part of that. A lot of work has gone reassessing his rule, however, and found it was not necessarily as bad as has been assumed.

After 1367, the Prince became seriously ill and the war with France was set to reignite. Incapable of carrying out his duties in Aquitaine effectively, Edward, Joan and their family returned to England in 1371, where his health declined further. Joan often acted in his stead during this period, and when he died in 1376, she was made guardian of their son, Richard, who was now the ailing Edward III's heir and became king himself in 1377, aged only 10.

Joan remained a infinitely influential and powerful woman in the coming years, with some historians describing her as a "quasi-queen". A large portion of pardons and grants were made at her request, and as Countess of Kent and the dowager Princess of Wales, she had large estates of her own to administer. She also enjoyed a great reputation as an mediator: she mended the quarrel between John of Gaunt, Henry Percy and the city of London and mediated between Gaunt and Richard. Interestingly, her entourage included leading members of the Lollard movement, suggesting she may have been interested in reform of the church. This was also time of Geoffrey Chaucer and literary scholars has been suggested Joan served as inspiration for a various number of figures in Chaucer's work.

During the Peasants Revolt of 1381, she was harassed en-route to London and the rebels asked for her to kiss them. Chroniclers also recorded her state of terror when the Tower of London was broken into, though it may have been more of a rhetorical device on behalf of chroniclers to show what they saw were the horrors of the rebels' behaviour.

Joan appears to have taken a step back from court. Possibly, she was increasingly incapacitated by illness (it's been suggested Joan suffered from dropsy/edema; the chronicler Thomas Walsingham claimed she was so fat she could barely move, though no other chronicle made this claim), or possibly she retired once Anne of Bohemia married Richard II so not to overshadow the new queen. Despite illness and retirement, Joan attempted to mediate between Richard and another of her sons, John Holland, when the latter murdered Ralph Stafford and Richard had determined to execute him. One chronicler claimed Richard's refusal to hear her pleas caused her to die of grief. The stress of the situation could hardly have helped if she was suffering an illness. She died 7 August 1385 and was buried in the same church as her first husband, Thomas Holland. This has generally been taken as evidence that she loved him best but the situation may have been more complicated. The plans for the Prince's burial changed dramatically, which may have led Joan choosing to be buried elsewhere or she may have made her choice to as a gesture of affection for her less royal family. Richard did pardon John after Joan's death and they were reconciled, so one might say that even in death she was a successful mediator.

In terms of her descendents, Richard died childless but most of her Holland children had issue. She had descendents on both sides of the Wars of the Roses.

*If you're unfamiliar with the reigns of Edward II and Edward III, the short summary is that Edward II ended up basically alienating everyone through his relationship with and preferential treatment of Hugh Despenser the Younger (quite possibly his lover). The queen, Isabella of France, eventually allied with Roger Mortimer, Earl of March and spearheaded a rebellion that led to Edward's deposition and the execution of Despenser. His son, Edward III, became king but as he was a minor, Isabella and Mortimer effectively ruled in his reign. Edward II was said to have been murdered on 21 September 1327 and most historians accept this. However, there are some references to Edward II surviving well past this, including the plot to free him that Edmund was involved with, and there is a coterie of historians who believe it, namely headed by Ian Mortimer and Kathryn Warner. Given Edmund's royal blood, his execution was deeply unpopular - no one could be found willing to execute him until a criminal was given a pardon in exchange. Edward III is said to have wanted to pardon Edmund but was blocked by Isabella and Mortimer by doing so. When Edward III took control of government and ousted Mortimer, he posthumously pardoned Edmund and executed Roger Mortimer. One of the charges against Mortimer was that he'd duped Edmund into believing Edward II was still alive.

** Joan had two or three siblings. Her brothers were Edmund, the eldest boy who was born had died before 5 October 1331 and John, who was born posthumously on 7 April 1330, inherited the earldom as an infant and died childless on 26 December 1352. A sister, Margaret, is sometimes identified but she seems to be attested only from an authorisation to negotiate a marriage - Penny Lawne has argued that it was more likely that Joan was the intended bride but the clerk writing out the authorisation confused her name with her mother's (Margaret). There does not seem to be any other evidence of her existence - she is not mentioned as attending the baptism of John, though her other siblings are, and she is not mentioned in the Inquisition Post Mortems for John where Joan is named as his only heir. If Margaret had existed, she must have died sometime before John's death. Her death is sometimes given as 1352 but I'm not sure what the source for this is..

Historians To Hiss At.

As you might guess, Joan's life suggests a sexual impropriety and scandal, or in a slightly less misogynist sense, a life dominated by romance. She was a bigamist. She was married for love. She married three times and only one of them to a man appropriate to her status. She's both Lady Chatterley, driven by lust into the arms of a man of lesser status, and the relentless, cold-hard social climber like Philippa Gregory's Anne Boleyn.

So of course historians through the centuries have replicated that bias. For some, like Anthony Goodman, she's a giddy romantic who follows her heart who never manages to mature. For some, she's a romantic heroine, her and Thomas Holland are the epic romance of the Middle Ages which, uh, doesn't really take into consideration Joan's youth at their marriage. For others, she's a saucy wench, hooker with a heart of gold - I've seen someone point out how young Joan was when she married Holland on Twitter and gotten the response of "well she was saucy ;)". For others still, she's just a slut and a selfish, slippery, scheming one at that. After all, all those good men wouldn't have been falling themselves over her without her seducing them, would they? Anyway, it's a Russian Roulette whenever you pick something up about Joan. Will it romanticise a guy having sex with a 12 year old? Will it call the 12 year old a giddy romantic? Will it slut-shame the 12 year old? I've only found one thing - Samantha Katz Seal's review of Anthony Goodman's biography of Joan - that actually suggested Joan was a victim of abuse without immediately offering a theory to work around it.

Two examples:

The peach that is renowned Ricardian crank and misogynist John Ashdown-Hill wrote that "the girl's [Joan was in her 30s) reputation left a good deal to be desired … she was deficient in some respects and rather too-well endowed in others".

Ian Mortimer's biography of Henry IV makes overly frequent comparisons between Henry and Richard II, who Henry deposed and had murdered, basically to the tune of "Henry was better than Richard! Henry had the biggest penis!" One repeated comparison is their mothers, where Mortimer describes Joan's legacy as "burdensome" for Richard and cast a shadow over his legitimacy, while "Henry’s mother, in contrast, was popularly regarded as one of the most lovely adornments of the English court". One's a burden, the other's a beautiful object.

But the historian that I really get my hackles up about is Kathryn Warner, probably I once thought really very highly of her. She talked a lot about going back to the original sources instead of repeating what other historians have said, not speculating without supporting evidence, and having progressive values. Notably, she called out the homophobia and misogyny that hung around depictions and discussions of Edward II and Isabella of France. She was originated (I think?) or at least got heavily involved with the Don't Defame The Dead movement with history bloggers and the histfic community on Goodreads.

Warner follows Mortimer's example, talking about how "embarrassing" Joan was for Richard II unlike the Saintly Dead Paragon Of Medieval Feminine Virtue That Was Blanche of Lancaster. She even deepens that comparison when talking about Joan being sexually harassed during the Peasants Revolt:

even the rebels in 1381 demanding kisses from her, though it may indicate that they liked her and found her considerably more approachable than other members of the royal family and the nobility, does not imply deference for a royal person and the king’s mother. It is difficult to imagine anyone demanding a kiss from Joan’s predecessors Philippa of Hainault or Isabella of France, or from Henry of Lancaster’s mother Duchess Blanche.

So... we're victim blaming Joan for being sexually harassed. After all, as Warner loves to point out (repeatedly) Joan did have a "habit of dressing in the style of a freebooter’s mistress" that "did Joan’s reputation no good whatsoever". In her Philippa of Hainault biography, Warner seems to imply that Joan's style of dress was the sole complaint about the Black Prince's conduct in Aquitaine.

Edward and Joan of Kent lived in magnificent, extravagant splendour, and not everyone approved: one observer stated that the princess of Wales and Aquitaine wore great furred gowns and low-cut bodices in the style usually worn by the mistresses of freebooters: ‘I am disgusted by those women who follow such a bad example, particularly the Princess of Wales.’ Even so, not a word of condemnation came from Edward’s parents the king and queen.

There are many, many complaints about the Prince's actual conduct but Warner chooses to single out Joan's fashion sense and implies that it was worthy of condemnation from Edward III and Philippa of Hainault. Given Philippa herself was an assiduous follower of fashion and it seems doubtful that she'd think Joan following the new fashion style was worthy of complaint.

Actually, it would be very reasonable to interrogate this. Richard Barber points out this is the "French view" of English fashion and it may well be that there was underlying xenophobia in the sentiment. Additionally or instead, we could read it as another entry in the age-old misogynistic tradition of men complaining about women's fashion. In short: we should not be replicating the biases of the Middle Ages as an excuse to talk about how embarrassing or condemnatory Joan's behaviour was.

But what was, you may be asking, a freebooter's mistress? A freebooter was a effectively a pirate so Warner is effectively saying that Joan dressed like a pirate's whore.

In discussing Joan's marriage, she gives Joan's age as "only thirteen or fourteen" before correcting herself to "at most thirteen and a half" and then notes Holland was in his mid-20s. Warner then says:

Evidently, though, she found him extremely appealing, and they married clandestinely and consummated the marriage, or so they later claimed.

I feel like if a man writing in the 1970s can recognise that Joan may have been coerced in marrying Holland, as Karl P. Wentersdorf did, saying Joan may have "been placed under pressure by her suitor and had not given her full and free assent", Warner can do much, much better than "clearly 13 year old Joan of Kent found him soooooo hot". We have no idea how they married or how Joan felt about her marriage as it happened. Of course it's possible that Joan found him hot - kids have crushes on adults all the time, though they don't really want to have sex with their crush except in the theoretical sense. But maybe Joan didn't, maybe Joan was pressured, as Wentersdorf suggested in 1979, or maybe she was groomed and believed she did. But I think it is just... a really irresponsible, victim-blaming line to take in relation to a 25 year old marrying a 13 year old (if Joan was as old as 13).

While Warner does recognise the creepiness of the relationship between Holland and Joan, she discusses it like so:

Thomas Holland was twice her age, a gap which makes their supposed love-match seem less romantic and more creepy and abusive to modern sensibilities (though contemporary opinion would have held an earl’s daughter and king’s granddaughter marrying a man so far beneath her in rank as a far worse misdemeanour.

I'm so glad she threw in the reference to how Joan, contemporarily speaking, was the worse offender in the relationship. We have no idea how people who actually knew her understood the relationship, it's possible they were horrified on her behalf. We only know what chroniclers - writing when Joan was an adult - made of it and chroniclers were frequently full of misogyny. As Warner has pointed out herself, they were the gossip magazines of their day.

Warner suggests that rather than using the money Holland had gained for fighting in the Crecy campaign to finance the very expensive process of appealing to the papal authorities, he felt that finally, with all this money, he could keep Joan "in the style to which she was accustomed", making her sound like a spoilt brat who'd been like "eww poor person" at Holland. Montagu, in Warner's telling "supposedly kept her prisoner". That neither Joan nor an attorney on her behalf responded a summons and that Pope Clement VI dispatched a brief to the Archbishop of Canterbury and other prelates enjoining them to ensure Joan could appoint her own attorney suggests that Montagu was preventing Joan from responding in some way.

This is all a prelude to the theory Warner believes in which is that Joan and Holland made up the story of their earlier marriage because they met while Holland was working as Montagu's steward and fell in "love or lust" and wanted to marry. So, in that regard, Joan isn't a victim of what today we would call child sexual abuse but actually an adulteress who lied to the papal authorities because she wanted to be Mrs Thomas Holland.

Only problem is that there is absolutely no evidence of this and quite a lof of reasons why it doesn't make sense. This post is long enough already so I'll write them up in a separate post. We can't even say that Holland was Montagu's steward because the only evidence of this is in John Hardying's chronicle, written during the Wars of the Roses - over a century on from events.

Some of this might sound like nitpicking or disagreements on historical record, and maybe it is. But Warner does have a Facebook post where she complains about Joan's "fans" who depict her as "amazingly special and unique and far more important than anyone else" (where are all these fans, I wonder). In the comments, she indicates her reasoning for the theory Joan and Holland lied which basically boils down to:

it's sickening that the story is treated as a great love story when it's not love and "just disgusting"

Not speaking up about his marriage makes Holland look like a coward, which he wasn't and it makes Holland look like an abusive groomer which she sincerely hopes he wasn't

she "prefers" the version where Joan wasn't groomed and raped and it's empowering to imagine her choosing Holland

Joan's fans are annoying

To which I would say:

It is sickening! But also: how people have interpreted and represented the relationship has nothing do with the reality of it.

It's not "brave" for a grown man to admit to having sex with a 12/13 year old. And he did very much admit to having sex with a 12/13 year old Joan - eventually. Being brave in battle does not make a man more or less likely to be an abuser. Finally, wishing and hoping does not make history.

It is a historian's job to interpret the evidence, not ignore it for a fantasy scenario in which they can feel good about what happened. It is also not really empowering or feminist to erase Joan's abuse.

How do people living almost 650 years on from Joan have any impact on Joan's lived reality? Girlbossed historical women is an annoying phenomena but it has nothing to do with the real Joan or her life.

#joan of kent #asks #poppaeasabina #text posts #maybe we need to add slutshaming and abuse apologism to the list of things #we as modern historians and commentators should do better than the medievals

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richmond-rex · 1 year

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Hi! I'm trying to read up on the York princesses' early lives and I can find frustratingly few details on the same. I was specifically curious about their various childhood betrothals that ultimately never came into fruition due to the death of their father, but I can barely find anything online beyond the bare basics (essentially: the names of the people they were betrothed to). I was wondering of any specific details of all their individual betrothals survived, and if they changed across the years of their father's reign?

And in Bridget of York's case - since she's more elusive to find than her sisters - was she destined for a church path since birth? I've seen some sites claim that her grandmother Cecily Neville named her with no actual evidence beyond her piety, but I always assumed it was her parents who was more likely to have done so? Both Elizabeth Woodville and Edward IV were connected to St. Bridget and Elizabeth was also very pious.

You know a lot about this era so I hope it's okay to ask, sorry if the question seems out of the blue!

Hello! Sorry for taking so long to reply, I had to sit down and look up some things because the story of the betrothal of Edward IV's daughters is quite murky. I will talk about the betrothals that were done during Edward IV's reign because after that it's another thing entirely.

Let's talk about Bridget first. Was she destined for a church path since birth? There's no way of actually knowing this, but it's entirely possible she was. On a practical level, as the king's fifth surviving daughter, a competitive dowry to be used in a foreign marriage alliance would be hard to achieve (more about Edward IV and dowries in a second). More concrete evidence though does come from her name. I haven't found many noblewomen named Bridget in late medieval England but the one I did find, Bridget Holland (daughter of Thomas Holland 2nd Earl of Kent, Richard II's half-brother), indeed became a nun. Like Bridget of York, she seems to have been the youngest of 5-6 sisters.

Saint Bridget of Sweden was a very popular saint in England and she was especially revered by the English royal family (who since Henry V's time were patrons of a Bridgettine monastery at Sheen, Syon Abbey). Elizabeth of York and Margaret Beaufort would go on to commission the printing of a list of prayers popularly thought to have been written by St Bridget. For the Yorkists, however, St Bridget held particular importance because one of her prophecies had been used to justify Edward IV's right to rule. Cecily Neville in particular owned a copy of St Bridget's revelations which she later bequeathed to her granddaughter Anne de la Pole who not only also became a nun, but rose to the highest rank of prioress at Syon.

Cecily Neville was Bridget of York's godmother. Traditionally, godparents were the ones to name ('christen') the child at their baptism. Of course, most time the parents had their input too before the child was brought to the baptismal font. Elizabeth Woodville was also devoted to St Bridget. Interestingly, Cecily left her religious books to the two granddaughters who became nuns: Anne de la Pole, which I commented on above, and Bridget. Bridget received Cecily's Legenda Aurea (a collection of saints' lives), a book about St Katherine and another one about St Matilde.

To me, it seems entirely possible that Cecily Neville might have planned Bridget's career as a nun from the very beginning. It's quite likely that Edward IV and his wife Elizabeth vouched for the idea too, considering how important St Bridget's prophecy had been for Edward's legitimisation as king, they might have made a promise/vow to dedicate one of their children's lives to the Church as many catholic people still do today. I've seen the speculation that Bridget was sickly/had some kind of impairment from birth that would make her less desirable in the marriage market but I don't think we need that as a reason for her going into a convent.

Now going into the other princesses. We already know about Elizabeth of York, right? First, she was betrothed to Warwick's nephew and heir, George Neville, as a way to appease him in 1469. Then she was offered to Prince Edward of Lancaster but Margaret of Anjou went on to choose Anne Neville which was probably for the best, as Edward IV's suggestion, at a time when Edward V was about to be born, was probably just a ruse. Elizabeth's hand was also used as bait to bring back Henry Tudor to England in 1476. And again, it most certainly was a ruse as by that time she had just recently been betrothed to the Dauphin of France. She would be known as Madame la Dauphine until France called off the betrothal in late 1482.

Mary of York occupied 'the rather unfortunate position' as Ross describes it, of being her sister's replacement in the marriage alliance with France in case Elizabeth of York died before the wedding took place. It would not be until 1481, by then a time when many doubted the French marriage would even go through, that Mary was betrothed to King Frederick I of Denmark. She would die the next year in 1482.

Anne of York was first suggested to marry Philip, the future Duke of Burgundy, in 1480 as a part of a tentative Anglo-Burgundian alliance against France that Burgundy desperately wanted but that Edward IV only toyed with to pressure France into honouring their marriage alliance and wed Elizabeth of York and the Dauphin Charles. In the words of Charles Ross, Edward IV's biographer:

Edward quite ruthlessly exploited the duke’s desperate need of English support to get Anne’s marriage on the cheap. Maximilian had wanted a dowry of 200,000 crowns with Anne; Edward, on the other hand, regarded paying no dowry as part of the price of signing an alliance with Burgundy. When Maximilian argued that it was quite unreasonable for the bride of one of the wealthiest heirs in Europe to have no dowry at all, he still had small success in persuading her father to release the purse-strings. The original marriage treaty, signed on 5 August 1480, was modified by supplementary agreements on 14 and 21 August, which effectively released Edward from paying any dowry on condition of releasing to the duke the first year’s instalment of the pension of 50,000 crowns which he was demanding from Burgundy.

Here we must remember that Edward IV wanted to marry Elizabeth of York without paying any dowry at all. On the contrary, France was to pay for Elizabeth's upkeeping until she was married to the Dauphin. Edward IV, whilst dealing with Brittany to marry his son Edward to Anne of Brittany, heiress to her father's duchy, established that if the Duke of Brittany had a son before their children married, one of his daughters was to marry the duke's new son, and that Brittany—not him—were to provide his daughter's dowry. Ross cites a Breton scholar that snarkily remarked that ‘to marry his daughters without dowries was the objective which this miser [Edward IV] set before himself in the last years of his life’. Harsh.

However, Edward IV did agree to pay Cecily's dowry! Although admittedly it was much cheaper (20,000 crowns) than Edward IV himself was asking for Anne of Brittany's hand in marriage to his son (100,000 crowns as the heiress of Brittany, 200,000 in case her father had a son). Cecily of York was first betrothed to James III's heir, the future James IV, in 1473 as part of a truce between England and Scotland that allowed Edward IV to go to war against France in 1475. The truce with Scotland fell through by 1480 and by 1481 Edward IV was committed to a war against James. The next year Edward was willing to back James III's brother Alexander against him, with the condition that Alexander was to marry Cecily ‘if the said Alexander can make hymself clere fro all other Women, according to the Lawes of Christian Chyrche’.

Alexander backed down after the English invasion of Scotland, and James III once again suggested Cecily marry his son and heir as part of the peace terms but Edward IV called off the betrothal for good later that year and demanded the repayment of the dowry portion he had already paid to Scotland. It seems Edward had decided to renew the war against Scotland by that time (November 1482) and back Alexander as king again. Amazingly, Alexander would go on to make peace with his brother yet again in early 1483. So by the time Edward IV died, Cecily's betrothal to Scotland's heir was cancelled for good. Richard III would wed her to Ralph Scrope, Baron Scrope's second son and a man that was part of Richard III's northern affinity.

I haven't found anything about Katherine of York's betrothal during her father's reign. She was probably too young, being born in 1479. EDIT: There was a plan for Katherine to marry Isabella of Castille's heir Juan as proposed in 1482. See reblog in the notes.

And that's it! Basically, Louis XI's peace treaty with Burgundy in December 1482 frustrated at least two of Edward IV's marriage plans. The Dauphin of France would marry Margaret of Austria (Mary of Burgundy's daughter) instead of Elizabeth of York. On the other hand, Burgundy, no longer in need of Edward IV's help, was under no obligation to go through with the marriage of Anne of York and the young Philip of Burgundy. Edward IV's falling out with Scotland also meant Cecily's betrothal was called out.

By the time Edward IV died the only betrothal that was likely to go through was Prince Edward's with Anne of Brittany, so whenever I see people saying that if it wasn't for Edward's death Elizabeth of York would be queen of France, Cecily queen of Scotland, Anne duchess of Burgundy etc I can only assume the person saying that doesn't know much about the upheavals of the 1480s — or Edward IV's own disinclination to pay dowries for the marriages of his daughters.

I hope this answer was of some help, and once again, sorry for taking so long to reply.

#ask #edward iv #elizabeth of york #cecily of york #anne of york #bridget of york #mary of york #edward v #historian: charles ross #anon

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floatingshadow · 9 months

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masterlist of wanted connections :

below the cut you'll find a masterlist of wc's for my charries, this feels like the easiest way to add/cross out taken one's <3 note: i do a lot of things based on chemistry and vibes.

included: former betrothals, future betrothals, cousins, siblings, rivals, anything and everything.

margaret blackwood:

former betrothal - this would've happened during the dance i imagined. a house that also supported the blacks and that they basically banded together to have each other's backs, too. open to however this ended and the vibes of the entirety of the betrothal itself.

childhood best friend - maggie has a lot of family that she is close to, but i would love for her to have a best friend that is kind of separated from the mess that can be familial relationships hehehe this person can basically be in any kingdom as this would've been before the war, added angst though if they were greens.

zahra sand:

friends & lovers - she's well-traveled, mainly around dorne, but other places too. would love to explore more connections with people from other regions.

rivals - she does not like stormlanders, crownlanders, westerlanders, so ya know, some small beef could've happened at one of these region events or something, big-ish or small lol

familial - elder brother and sister of house gargalen. zahra was clearly a favorite, spoiled child. they could either be closer, or dislike her, or neutral.

katherine serrett:

most trusted friend and lady - katherine is rather distrusting, though outwardly confident, graceful and kind, she does not have anyone she thinks of as being a real friend. this would've been a lady (preferably unrelated to the lannisters soz) that she grew up with, her hype-girl, her day one. gimme.

familial - serrett brother or sister plz.

mathis rowan:

i'm always open to travel friends and whatnot, but don't have specific requests at this time <3 he was formerly hand to cedric, traveled a lot in his youth, fought for the blacks, so there's a few things to explore.

ayca mallister:

unlikely friendship - ayca is pretty closed-off and finds herself only close to those of the old way, which is fine by her, but i think it would be interesting to explore a friendship with someone she wouldn't necessarily expect to find a connection or common ground with.

familial - younger brother plz.

laena oldflowers:

clients - those who sought her services. this could be nearly anywhere as laena has made dresses for all sorts of houses and regions. this is basically always an open connection.

friends - on her travels i figure she could've made some friends outside of the reach. likely/unlikely, open to any and all, always.

childhood friend and/or infatuation - nothing ever came of this, but i like to think there was someone she was particularly close to when she was younger, during the war too, even. they are likely someone from the reach, or greens supporting who would travel there. *this is a chemistry-based connection.

rivals/enemies - she's a dragonseed and the daughter of aegon ii, which is apparent by her features, so naturally she could have enemies for this reason alone, but can also explore something more specific happening too (possibly something during the war since the reach was split)

familial - maybe some oldflowers cousins through her mother?

morgan wylde:

war bonds - morgan fought for the greens in the war, he lost both of his elder brother's, which forced him to become ruling lord from being third son. though he is quiet and reserved, i think he could have a few closer friends from the war that he leaned on.

business matters - house wylde has a port, so they do happen to participate in their own small trades (timber, amber, furs), and have the means to ship things (though not in large quantities), so could use some relationships that were stemmed from business deals, or purely business.

potential betrothed - as morgan is now ruling lord, he needs heirs. he loves his brother, magnus, but does not believe him fit to rule the house. this lady would preferably be a stormlander, possibly a westerlander as well, but open to any connection here that makes sense and would benefit them both. how the relationship is will be chemistry based*

mariela egen:

unlikely friends - these could be people that mariela met during a region event and they've either kept in touch, or catch up when they see each other next. but would be interesting to explore closer connections outside of the vale.

girlhood infatuation - this is the person mari hoped to marry, perhaps in a one-sided way, and instead, she married lord egen, which we see how that went lol. most likely someone in the vale, but could be from elsewhere, too.

familial - elder brother or elder sister of house donniger.

sylvi cerwyn:

southron friend(s) - sylvi is fairly close-minded on anything and anyone "not north". she likes their ways of life and their culture. i think it would be fun if there were a couple of southerners that kind of made her go 'hmm maybe they aren't all so bad' because we love a humbling moment lol.

familial - her hubbbby (open to anything here tbh, he is aware of sylvi's sexuality, and they have an understanding. she has given him a son and daughter, so they are on good terms. i imagined the vibe of being best friends.) either brother from house tallhart. cousins of house tallhart through her mother. siblings of her husband of house cerwyn.

fiona grafton:

childhood friend - in the vale or elsewhere, this person has known fiona for basically all their lives, so they are more tolerant of her and her antics. perhaps they help knock her down a peg, or keep her from getting into trouble, or make trouble with her.

crush/infatuation - this is probably the man she wants to marry and she's probably pretty obnoxious about it. whoever this is has to prepare for jealous antics from the drama queen herself lol

aslan marbrand:

enemies - aslan is a pretty unforgiving person, so whether this was personal, war-based, etc, he tends to hold onto grudges.

his like one or two friends - friends is very subjective here. these are more like people aslan tolerates, for the most part, to actually speak or hang out with on a regular basis.

fling - he really has only gone for lowborn girls (this is post-wifey death), but maybe this person he decided to hook up with once or a continuous thing. she just better keep her mouth shut lol there are zero feelings here.

potential betrothed - he knows that eventually he'll, too, have to remarry and continue the marbrand name, so he hopes his bride is demure, quiet, and obedient. he already loved a woman, so it's likely nothing will form here. (there will also be some tw stuff going on that would need to be discussed first)

coming next: hazal fossoway.

*i will add to this as i think of things, and strike out anything that is taken or being explored. open to more ideas than what i have listed, too.

#wanted connections.

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devilsgatewayhq · 9 months

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BEAU SINCLAIR, our ROBBIE AMELL, is looking for their YOUNGEST SISTER. THIS CONNECTION IS CLOSED.

Character Name

UTP Sinclair

Character Age

29-33, depending on the age of their middle sister

Character FC

UTP (Suggestions: Willa Fitzgerald, Emily Rudd, Victoria Pedretti, Danielle Campbell, Margaret Qualley, Katherine Langford. Olivia Cooke and Maia Mitchell could also work even though they have brown eyes.)

Gang Affiliation

N/A

Relationship to Character

Beau and Freya Sinclair's youngest sister

Summary of Character

This character is the youngest child and second of the two daughters of Eddie and Christina Sinclair. Eddie was a founding member of the Sons of Silence, but he was killed in prison about two years ago. Before then, the whole family had been super close and incredibly bought into the MC except for this youngest sibling. She hated the casual acceptance of the criminal lifestyle and she moved away from home when she was old enough to go to college because she wanted nothing to do with it or the family in general. Beau has tried to reach out to her a few times over the years, but they haven't had much of a relationship since she left even though he would like one with her because she's family and he loves her.

Desired Plot

Ultimately, I'd love for her to be coming back to town because she finds out about their dad being murdered a year or so ago. Maybe she had stopped checking the voicemails from the family a long time ago and so it wasn't until she saw a post online or something that she heard? We can discuss how tbh but I imagine that even though she was never big on the lifestyle, she still cares deep down and so she comes back to pay her respects. She doesn't plan on staying long term, but maybe something happens that keeps her there? Could be that she realizes how much she's missed out on, especially because her sister has a kid now and Beau and his high school gf are no longer together when everyone thought they would be. I'm really flexible with this, but I love complicated family dynamics and would love to write this out with someone!

If you are interested in taking up this connection, please send us a message and we'll connect you to the writer!

#wanted connection: closed.#family connection: closed.

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une-sanz-pluis · 7 days

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Do you think that Blanche's son Rupprecht "the English" or his descandants would have been considered as possible heirs to the English throne, if he had lived longer.

Besides Henry VI Rupprecht was the only legimate grandson of Henry IV. Or would his foreign birth prevented it.

So, a few things: this is highly speculative since Ruprecht (or Rupert) the English died over twenty years before the last of his maternal uncles and 45 years before Henry VI himself. It also meant that he, not his half-brother, would have become Elector Palatine following their father's death. I also don't know anywhere near enough about Ruprecht's own political context (or, rather, the political context of his father and brothers) to comment.

It does seem likely that he would have been discounted as a viable heir due to his foreign birth. The descendents of both Philippa of Lancaster, Queen of Portugal and Catalina of Lancaster, Queen of Castile don't seem to have been viewed as viable heirs to the English throne or duchy of Lancaster after the death of Henry VI, even through - allowing for inheritance to pass through the female line - it could be argued they had a more technically more viable claim than Henry VII.* It's possible that the Wars of the Roses would have made Ruprecht's claim more attractive but I think he would have struggled to be accepted as king due to his foreign birth and upbringing, especially given that rampant xenophobic rhetoric used against Margaret of Anjou and Edward of Lancaster's forces by the Yorkists was likely to be turned on him.

Another question is whether Ruprecht himself would have been interested in ruling England. Had he lived, he would have become Elector Palatine following his father's death and he might have been too busy with that to really care about England. He may have also been willing to present himself as an alternate heir for political and/or financial gain. I don't know nearly enough about the politics of this time in the Palatinate of the Rhine to comment on this, however.

* Philippa was the eldest daughter of John of Gaunt and his first wife, Blanche of Lancaster, while Catalina was a daughter of Gaunt and his second wife, Constanza of Castile. Henry VII was descended from John Beaufort, son of Gaunt and his third wife, Katherine Swynford, though John was born out of wedlock and only legitimised in 1397. Whether the Beauforts had a claim to the throne has been debated. Henry's claim was also derived from the female line, through his mother, Margaret Beaufort. However, Henry had been raised in England and Wales before he was forced into exile and, with his mother remaining in England, had strong connections in England and Wales.

#rupert the english #ask #anon

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hollywoodfamerp · 5 months

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AND WE’RE ALL JUST ENTERTAINERS…

WELCOME TO HOLLYWOOD, MICKEY! YOU’VE BEEN ACCEPTED AS NICK ROBINSON!

PLEASE BE SURE TO DO THE FOLLOWING:

Send us your account within 24 hours.

Include your FCs full name in their blog bio.

Have the disclaimer that applies to you in your blog bio (found in our rules).

Be sure to have your ask box open.

Message the main to find out about any prior history

OPTIONAL: Message the main to be added into our OOC Blog

OPTIONAL: Create a profile for HFRP CONNECT!

NAME/PRONOUNS/AGE/TIMEZONE:

Mickey, she/her, 27, EST

FIRST CHOICE AND FC AGE:

Nick Robinson, 28 years

SECOND CHOICE AND FC AGE:

N/A

GENDER YOUR FC IDENTIFIES WITH AND PRONOUNS:

Male, he/him

FC OCCUPATION:

Actor

RULES PHRASE:

ARE YOU CURRENTLY ON HIATUS? *For current members only*

WANTED CONNECTIONS:

Kata Mara, Katherine Langford, Miles Teller, Keiynan Lonsdale, Margaret Qualley, Chloë Grace Moretz

PARA SAMPLE:

N/A

WHO ELSE DO YOU PLAY IN THE ROLEPLAY:

Sabrina Carpenter, Madelaine Petsch, Jacob Elordi

OTHER:

This shall be a sideblog as well, as it’s easier for me.

#hollywood rp #celebrity rp #celeb rp #fame rp #plotless rp #accepted #submission #Nick Robinson

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dirtybarn · 7 months

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Between Lines is a Poetic Thoughtful Animated Short by Sarah Beth Morgan

Between Lines is an animated short film created entirely by an all-women team, directed by the talented Sarah Beth Morgan. The story is about the scars created by bullying in high school and lifelong recovery of these memories. Puberty, growing up, and the discovery of self are traumatic enough to process. However when school dynamics and bullies added to the equation, teenage years might become a burden. Maybe because we saw many coming of age stories in feature films focusing on the troubles of growing up, adjusting to problems, dealing with uncertainties. There is no denying that bullying creates deep scar on people and they spend so much time on themselves to recover past traumas. The narrative in Between Lines follows a young woman's journey as she navigates isolation, exclusion and anxiety. Out of the trauma, blooms a sense of healing and connection. There is no single definitive way to make your peace with your past but either way the happiness and relief comes within.

Sarah Beth Morgan, a director and illustrator currently based in Cleveland, OH, United States, grew up in Saudi Arabia. She attended the Savannah College of Art and Design and had early career experiences at Scholar and Oddfellows in LA and Portland. Currently, Morgan works from her own studio in Cleveland. And as a personal impression, Morgan's work feels sincere, down-to-earth and approachable to manies. Her animations and illustrations are neat, humble and taking you to a polished, clean environment that could trigger a positive emotions instantly.

Between Lines: "I wanna subway map of my invisible scars."

Between lines successfully completed its festival stint by getting recognition and awards from many organizations; including Brooklyn Film Festival – Audience Award for Animation, Pictoplasma Berlin – Official Selection, SCAD Savannah Film Festival – Official Selection for Global Shorts Forum. Sarah Beth Morgan's moving short animation made its online premiere on January 24, 2023. Though I discovered it late, I've come to realize that great works are timeless on the internet. Today is my day to meet 'Between Lines.' The poetic narrative, moving animation and eye-catching visuals; Between Lines artistically could be your best two minutes today. Check out Sarah Beth Morgan’s website, Vimeo and Instagram and Between Lines' website. And discover over 30 talented women who make Between Lines happen from here. https://vimeo.com/792244354

CREDITS

Director: Sarah Beth Morgan Animation Director: Taylor Yontz Producer: Rebekah Hamilton VO / Sound / Music: Jennifer Pague Art Direction: Sarah Beth Morgan Design: Nuria Boj, Caroline Choi, Sarah Beth Morgan, Sara Ariel Wong Animation: Margaret Bialis, Erin Bradley, Amy Charlick, Esther Cheung, Rocio Cogno, Julie Craft, Antoinie Eugene, Thea Glad, Amanda Godreau, Michelle Grepo, Sami Healy, Yahira Hernandez, Jasper Hilgers, Yino Huan, HyoBin Kang, Collin Leix, Katherine Pryor, Rachel Reid, Issey Roquet, Anna Taberko, Aly Tain, Camille Vincent, Pip Williamson, Khylin Woodrow, Rachel Yonda, Taylor Yontz Story: Sarah Beth Morgan Poem: Nirrimi Firebrace Mix by: Hope Brush Strings Producer: Sophie Coran Violin: Shelby Yamin Cello: Nicole Boguslaw Strings Recorded by: Michael Cumming at Treacle Mine Recording Special Thanks: Hornet, Dez Stavracos, Tyler Morgan, Molly Bowman Images: betweenlines.com, Vimeo Read the full article

#animatedshort #animation #betweenlines #sarahbethmorgan #short

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millingroundireland · 7 months

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Chester seemed to the same in some respects as it was when the Mills family lived there in the late 1830s and early 1840s. Nearby to the Mills family was the family of George Bibby. He was a 46-year-old farmer born in Ireland, with a family of six: his wife Ann born in the county, age 30, has five children, now married; Helen, age 9, Katherine, age 7, Samuel, age 6, William, age 4, and George, age 1 and 8/12. Also living in the household is his father, Samuel Bibby, age 67, born in Ireland, a laborer. Another family nearby was Thomas Bibby’s family, living in the household of the Wallaces. He was age 28, born in Ireland, a farmer and married to someone named Mary A. Bibby (age 25, born in Warren)…By 1870, the Mills family was still living in Chester…Also on the same page was Samuel Bibby (age 73 born in Ireland), Thomas Mills (age 64, farmer, born in Ireland), his wife Margaret (age 57, born in Ireland), Thomas Bibby (age 34, born in Ireland)…The families of Isaac Mills and George Bibby were also living in the area. Isaac Mills’s family consists of: Isaac (born in Ireland, age 62, farmer), Ann (wife, age 46, born in Ireland), Joseph W (age 26, born in Warren, farmer?), Edward B? (farmer? Age 24, born in Warren), Mary (age 21, born in Warren), James O (age 20, born in Warren). George Bibby’s family consists of: George (age 53, farmer, born in Ireland), Ann (wife, age 40, born in Warren), Ellen (age 20, born in Warren), Caty (age 20, born in Warren), Samuel (age 16, born in Warren), William B (age 18, born in Warren), Albert (age 8, born in Warren), Humbert, (8 11/12 months, born in Warren), and Samuel (father, age 78, born in Ireland, likely a farmer of some type). These two families may have been connected together by marriage or even Isaac could have been John Mills’s brother. Sadly, those specifics are not completely known…To this day, the Warren County Historian’s Office has family files on the Mills and Bibby families. 17 individuals with the Mills surname living in Ireland (mainly in Cork) and two with the Bibby surname were living near or around Kilkenny at the time (1876).

A quote from my post about my family history

#ireland #irish history #irish heritage #warren county #new york state #genealogy #family history #ancestry #wordpress

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nycityfm · 9 months

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SOFIE FELDMAN ( MAYA HAWKE ) is searching for their on and off secret girlfriend, they are said to look like; nichola coughlin, saoirse - monica jackson, mimi keene, emma mackay, natalia dyer, margaret qualley, emma watson, emeraude toubia, katherine mcnamara, sofia carson, maude apatow, alexa demie. you DON’T need to contact @luredhearts before applying, but a little about the connection is;

sofie has always been loud and proud about who she was, especially about her sexuality, even in the eye of the press thanks to her parents she never once back down on it. your muse would probably be someone pretty well known in the celebrity world, utp how, but she and sof have had an on and off relationship, whenever the paps get to close to working it out they seem to break up and it tears sof in two pretty much. but they have always been close, and they always seem to wind up back together.

#wcopen.#wcrom.#appless rp #plotless rp #city rp #new rp #town rp #open rp #free rp #mumu rp

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fictionz · 9 months

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New Fiction 2023 - August

"Lamentations of Jeremias" ed. Richard Challoner (1752)

A little tag to the end of Jeremias about how dealing with God sucks, and there's another one after this.

"The Miracle of the Lily" by Clare Winger Harris (1928)

Water yourself.

"The Conquest of Gola" by Leslie F. Stone (1931)

Why dudes gotta be like that.

"The Black God's Kiss" by C.L. Moore (1934)

Fuck. Yes.

"Space Episode" by Leslie Perri (1941)

Fellas, just step aside.

"That Only a Mother" by Judith Merril (1948)

You see it coming but still hits.

"In Hiding" by Wilmar H. Shiras (1948)

Okay things get weird and eugenicsy with this atomic supermen bullshit.

"Contagion" by Katherine MacLean (1950)

Again with the genetic supermen business. Maybe that's the intended effect?

"The Inhabited Men" by Margaret St. Clair (1951)

That's some good slow-burn space horror.

"Ararat" by Zenna Henderson (1952)

Oh no the superior beings are among us and better than us and will replace us, aka yikes.

"All Cats Are Gray" by Andrew North (1953)

See or not, they're there.

"Created He Them" by Alice Eleanor Jones (1955)

Rather be dead tbh.

"Mr. Sakrison’s Halt" by Mildred Clingerman (1956)

Get me outta here too.

"All the Colors of the Rainbow" by Leigh Brackett (1957)

God, this was a tough and necessary read.

"Pelt" by Carol Emshwiller (1958)

We're all a skin to someone.

"Car Pool" by Rosel George Brown (1959)

This style, holy shit. Getting into the stuff I came up with, the style of the gazed navel.

"For Sale, Reasonable" by Elizabeth Mann Borgese (1959)

Don't hire me.

"Birth of a Gardener" by Doris Pitkin Buck (1961)

You don't listen.

"The Tunnel Ahead" by Alice Glaser (1961)

I mean, what else to do?

"The New You" by Kit Reed (1962)

They'll bottle you up soon enough.

"Another Rib" by John Jay Wells & Marion Zimmer Bradley (1963)

Not so shocking now.

"When I Was Miss Dow" by Sonya Dorman (1966)

Be me be you be me.

"Baby, You Were Great" by Kate Wilhelm (1967)

If you can't connect then you learn to live with it.

"The Barbarian" by Joanna Russ (1968)

Fear of my tower getting breached.

"The Last Flight Of Dr. Ain" by James Tiptree, Jr. (1969)

Twelve monkeys origin story.

"Nine Lives" by Ursula K. Le Guin (1969)

Too many minds for a collective.

Twilight by David R. George III (2002)

Hefty story but it's good to go back to the old style of dealing with incomprehensible beings from other dimensions.

Are You Terrified Yet? by R.L. Stine (1998)

Not with this story. If Goosebumps 2000 is about aging out of monsters and supernatural stuff then I don't care for it.

Tick Tock, You're Dead! by R.L. Stine (1995)

Time travel shenanigans, my beloved.

"Mighty Max Trapped by Arachnoid" by Bluebird Toys (1992)

Spiders don't scare me.

"Mighty Max Liquidates the Ice Alien" by Bluebird Toys (1992)

Refractive weapons.

"Mighty Max Lashes Lizard" by Bluebird Toys (1994)

Squirt.

"Mighty Max Traps Rattus" by Bluebird Toys (1994)

Traps you.

"Mighty Max Outwits Cyclops" by Bluebird Toys (1993)

Poke 'em.

"Mighty Max Tangles With the Ape King" by Bluebird Toys (1993)

Just take over.

"Mighty Max Slays the Doom Dragon" by Bluebird Toys (1992)

Does he though?

"Mighty Max Grapples with Battle Cat" by Bluebird Toys (1993)

Bring them back.

"Mighty Max Squishes Fly" by Bluebird Toys (1994)

Narshty.

"Mighty Max Blows Up Dino Lab" by Bluebird Toys (1993)

Science outfits are slipping.

"Mighty Max Stings Scorpion" by Bluebird Toys (1993)

Big means not poisonous.

"Mighty Max Crushes the Hand" by Bluebird Toys (1994)

Win the duel!

"Mighty Max Escapes from Skull Dungeon" by Bluebird Toys (1992)

Smasher, really?

"Mighty Max Conquers the Palace of Poison" by Bluebird Toys (1992)

Flees from it, eh.

"Mighty Max Sinks Nautilus" by Bluebird Toys (1994)

Time has ravaged your once youthful looks.

"Mighty Max Caught by the Man-Eater" by Bluebird Toys (1993)

The final frontier.

"Mighty Max Bytes Cyberskull" by Bluebird Toys (1994)

Stay off the computer.

"Mighty Max Terminates Wolfship 7" by Bluebird Toys (1992)

Go away aliens.

"Mighty Max Survives Corpus" by Bluebird Toys (1993)

Get aHEAD in DEADvertising.

"Mighty Max Against Robot Invader" by Bluebird Toys (1992)

He invade.

"Mighty Max Zaps Beetlebrow" by Bluebird Toys (1994)

Quick work.

"Mighty Max Crushes Talon" by Bluebird Toys (1994)

See into the bone soul.

"Mighty Max Out-Freaks Freako" by Bluebird Toys (1994)

Wergh, some kinda phobia.

"Mighty Max Rams Hydron" by Bluebird Toys (1994)

I said let 'em take over.

"Mighty Max Versus Kronosaur" by Bluebird Toys (1992)

They just do what they do.

"Mighty Max Challenges Lava Beast" by Bluebird Toys (1992)

I doubt the veracity of flesh to fire.

"Mighty Max Tangles With Lockjaw" by Bluebird Toys (1993)

Well, some last words at least.

"Mighty Max Defeats Vamp Biter" by Bluebird Toys (1992)

In the sun.

"Mighty Max Fights Nuke Ranger" by Bluebird Toys (1992)

Not a place of honor.

"Mighty Max Pulverizes Sea Squirm" by Bluebird Toys (1992)

Die native fauna.

"Mighty Max Battles Skull Warrior" by Bluebird Toys (1992)

Go home, you're drunk.

"Mighty Max Hammers Ax Man" by Bluebird Toys (1993)

It's a tool!

"Mighty Max Hounds Werewolf" by Bluebird Toys (1993)

Awoo.

"Mighty Max Neutralises Zomboid" by Bluebird Toys (1992)

Flesh of my flesh.

"Mighty Max Defeats Battle Conqueror" by Bluebird Toys (1994)

I kick you.

"Mighty Max Head to Head With Hydra" by Bluebird Toys (1994)

Two in one.

"Mighty Max Melts Lava Beast" by Bluebird Toys (1994)

Delicious java.

"Mighty Max Strikes Fang" by Bluebird Toys (1994)

Grab the tail.

"Mighty Max Shuts Down Cybot" by Bluebird Toys (1994)

Always an off switch.

"Mighty Max Shatters Gargoyle" by Bluebird Toys (1994)

Tap tap tap.

"Mighty Max Assaults Skull Master" by Bluebird Toys (1994)

You'd lose but you do it anyway.

"La-Mulana" by KC Green (2023)

Hyuck.

"Mental Health Marge 2 Da Rescue" by ossian (2019)

Listen 2 da TV mom.

Theater Camp dir. Molly Gordon & Nick Lieberman (2023)

I took a theater class one semester of high school, along with a final play at the end, and that is an intense type of person to hang around with. But I liked that there's a subset of member who just does, like, building sets and stuff, because it me.

Never Say Never dir. Baoqiang Wang (2023)

So... signing shady contractual obligations with children is okay if you're giving them something to do?

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem dir. Jeff Rowe (2023)

This feels the most like playing with action figures out of any TMNT thing which makes it the most appropriate interpretation.

Meg 2: The Trench dir. Ben Wheatley (2023)

Not enough sea creecher.

Ransomed dir. Kim Seong-hun (2023)

I enjoy the sociopathic killer who could be in a boy band genre from South Korean cinema, and this is right in there.

The Last Voyage of the Demeter dir. André Øvredal (2023)

A fine Saturday afternoon on broacast TV sorta movie.

Jules dir. Marc Turtletaub (2023)

Got some aliens this month, and this one is a charming little story about how aliens can't save us from our bodies' inevitable betrayal.

Strays dir. Josh Greenbaum (2023)

A good road trip to set the soul afire.

Blue Beetle dir. Angel Manuel Soto (2023)

Lots of good details, but it still shakes out as a generic superhero movie of our age.

Gran Turismo dir. Neill Blomkamp (2023)

I saw this 1.5 times after the first showing failed halfway through. You know where it's going and, you know, sports movie gonna sports.

birth/rebirth dir. Laura Moss (2023)

Hey! That's it, the jam, the good stuff. A high-end version of my beloved anthology horror.

Landscape With Invisible Hand dir. Cory Finley (2023)

The other aliens movie of the month is more in the po-mo style of commentary on our societal ills. I look forward to this feeling quaint in 20 years.

Porco Rosso dir. Hayao Miyazaki (1992)

Damn, TaleSpin really do be like this. But I'll just take it as more fun anthropomorphized adventures of the air and sea.

The Wind Rises dir. Hayao Miyazaki (2013)

Ghibli's contemplative looks at Japanese culture and history are some monumental works.

Retribution dir. Nimród Antal (2023)

That's your final guy? Shoulda been someone else.

To Live and Die in L.A. dir. William Friedkin (1985)

That's some good 80s vibe I tell you what.

Tales from the Crypt - Seasons 5-6 (1993-1995)

Okay, alright, things are starting to sag a bit after the peak of seasons 3 and 4. Not a show to binge watch. But I still want a super cut of Cryptkeeper intros and outros.

#new fiction #2023 #fiction #short stories #novels #video games #comics #movies #television

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