#*: ･ﾟ∙ * ⁕ saved ➳ ⦀ swore that she would be all mine and love me til the end

[benedictscanvas]

Hi loveee❤️

So i have a request for Steve Rogers x reader

So basically the reader is shy! Insecure maybe

She is really quiet and has a badd crush on the captain but is not able to express her feelings necessarily. Overthinks alot. It's Steve's birthday and she works really hard on knitting a scarf because he once told her his ma used to knit him scarves. She writes a sweet letter for him along with it finally expressing her feelings. On his birthday they sit around and he decides to open everyone's gifts. She starts thinking her gift is nothing compared to tony's bmw or nat's gold wrist watch and basically tells him that she had ordered his gift but it got delayed. He finds out about her scarf and letter and confronts her💕

Ends with alot of fluffff 😌❤️

Ik this is all over the place but i needed to vent this idea here😂

This is utterly adorable and so are youuuu, thank you for a gorgeous request, my lovely <3 I got a little carried away with it! || 2.2k words of pure fluff

The little parcel is wrapped in deep red paper, tied with a crisp blue ribbon and the ends are curled with scissors. You've hidden it underneath the sofa where you're sat in its corner, both feet on the floor in an extra attempt to conceal its whereabouts. It's difficult not to be a little embarrassed by the effort you've put into it, but you keep reminding yourself the kind of person Steve is. How much he appreciates effort above end result.

But still, the reason it's hidden at all is in case you bottle it and can't hand it to him. You feel safer with a get out clause.

"Go on, Cap, start with me. We all know you save the best til first."

Tony, of course, is the one to kick proceedings off by handing Steve a golden envelope. So extreme, and funnily enough, so not Steve. But you knew that theatrics were Tony's thing and that whatever was inside would likely be perfect for him.

And you were right. Inside the envelope were two tickets to see the new play on Broadway that Steve had been dying to see. Tickets were so scarce even the Avengers themselves had been having trouble securing them, but Tony was a cut above the rest. Steve looked genuinely thrilled, far more than he had when he'd seen the envelope.

"This is too kind, Tony, thank you. Really."

A look of understanding passed between them. There was a lump in your throat. You subtly adjusted your foot so that your heel nudged the present further under the sofa.

"We get it, he's very rich," Sam said, rolling his eyes good-naturedly, "But mine's a knockout, seriously. You're gonna crap yourself, Tin Man."

He launched a present across the room at Steve who caught it with little effort, but shook his head at the room's antics. This mass present opening had, of course, not been his idea. He would much rather have done all this individually with everyone, or better yet, not done it at all and have nobody even remember that it was his birthday. But they'd all insisted behind his back. Obviously. You'd been there, and wanted to speak up about whether it would really be Steve's thing, but you didn't want to sound like you were knocking their kindness.

Sam had bought him a new sketchbook, but it was circular, and bore the design of his shield on the front. Thoughtful and, again, expensive, according to Steve, who had immediately examined the quality of the paper inside with wide, appreciative eyes.

Nat had bought him a new watch, and swore she got it completely legally and above board. That was expensive too. Vision and Wanda produced a gorgeous vintage record player that she had apparently enchanted to play whatever Steve wanted to hear. Bruce had built him an actual motorbike.

It was all a bit much. Yes, you were an Avenger too and you could afford whatever you would have wanted to get Steve, but you'd really thought homemade would be a million times more appreciated. Would show just how important he had become to you.

Unlike Bruce, unfortunately your version of homemade could not include a new bike.

Everyone's presents came and went while you were stuck in your own head, struggling not to hyperventilate, until Bucky placed a friendly hand on your shoulder.

"Just you left, doll."

You hadn't even seen what Bucky had given him, lost in your own musings. You were sure it would have been beautiful, Bucky knew him inside out. It was clear that your mind had been made up, anyway. You plastered a sheepish look on your face that wasn't all that made up.

"I meant to say before we started, your present hasn't arrived yet, Steve," you said, sorrowful, even though he was smiling at you as if what you'd said had no meaning, "I'm really sorry. I'll get it to you as soon as its here."

"I hope you know that none of you had to get me anything anyway," he said honestly, looking around the room before his gaze landed back on you, "Please don't worry."

You smiled, small and unconvincing, nodding your agreement. You rose from your seat, assuming the proceedings had finished for now before the not-so-surprise party later that evening. You delivered a final back-heeled kick to the present as you stood up, just to make sure it was fully under the sofa.

"I'm still sorry," you said quietly, "I need to go and get ready, I'll see you all later."

You turned and all but fled the room, not staying to hear Tony's confusion about you not usually needing any time at all to get ready for anything. You had specifically been trying not to make a scene, and somehow you'd made one anyway. It was difficult to keep the tears in your eyes at bay.

You just felt silly. It was something you hadn't really felt since high school until this year, and now you often felt a little silly anytime you left Steve's presence. He was just so good and so unbelievably attractive and made you feel so utterly at home when you spent time with him - it was difficult not to feel silly afterwards when you lay on your bed and romanticised your every interaction.

When you were actually with him, though, he never made you feel silly. He made you feel funny and intelligent and altogether giddy sometimes, but never silly. The way he valued your words, your opinions, your company, it was impossible for your heart not to skip inside your chest.

You retreated to your bed now, flopping down right in the centre of it, tired and crying. Just a little bit. He was so kind to you, all the time. He would've pretended he loved the scarf. He would've liked it, probably, but he couldn't love it, not when it was such a tiny gesture compared with everyone else's.

And the note. Shit, amongst all the dread and anxiety, you had forgotten the note. Neatly taped to the parcel and longer than it should have been. For Steve's eyes only. Practically a confession. If you hadn't have fled, you would've been forced to give that to him in front of anyone, which categorically could not happen.

"Y/N? You in there?"

Steve. You froze, then hastily wiped at your eyes, checking them in the mirror. They were a little red, but you hoped he wasn't feeling observant on his birthday. Plastering on a smile, you opened the door. He filled the entire doorframe, all broad shoulders and-

You tried to stop that thought before it blossomed.

"Sorry, just picking out an outfit. Everything okay?"

"I came to ask you that," he said, and he almost looked embarrassed but you had no idea why, "Why wouldn't you give me your present?"

You frowned.

"I told you-"

He brought the parcel, your parcel, out from behind his back. Ah. You must have kicked it hard enough for it to come out the other side. Stupid. The embarrassment suddenly made sense. He gestured for you to let him inside, since you were still blocking the entrance, so you traipsed over to sit on your bed. If he was looking embarrassed, you guessed he'd read the note. This was torture.

"I haven't opened it," he said quickly, shutting your down and sitting next to you. He kept his distance, "And I won't, if you don't want me to. But I'd really, really like to, if you'll let me."

"You read the note?" you asked, slumped and resigned to your fate, surprised by the confusion that darted across his features. You noticed the present was the wrong way up. He hadn't turned it over. For some reason, maybe self-destruction or a cruel strand of hope, you turned it over for him, to the side where the bow and the note were on full display. Untouched.

"I didn't see it," he murmured to himself, "Can I?"

Still he waited for your permission. Such a lovely man, with such lovely eyes that, even now, were looking at you with delicate care. It ached. You nodded.

He untied the bow with careful fingers that almost looked shaky in the low lamp light you'd curated within your room. The envelope was opened with equal care, and soon he was holding the A5 paper in front of his face, eyes scanning through the words.

Steve,

You told me once that your ma used to knit you scarves, that sometimes you wished you still had one of them now. I know it could never be the same, but I hope this keeps you warmer than you would be without it. One of your gifts, I think, is to bring warmth to everyone around you and the warmth you have brought to my own life is indescribable. I could never repay it, but this is a step in the right direction, I hope.

Happy birthday, Steve.

Yours, Y/N

You held your breath as he read. You could remember each line painstakingly, having taken so long to craft it. Even he wasn't oblivious enough not to recognise the meaning behind your words, the feeling that weaved itself around the page.

It had been too long. When you braved a glance at his face, his eyeline told you he was reading it a second time. You watched him get to the end and start from the beginning. Again.

You may have been unbelievably nervous, but it didn't erase your impatience.

"You're going to have to say something at some point, Steve," you breathed, not realised how out of breath you'd gotten just watching him. His eyes snapped to yours like he'd forgotten you were there. Wide and disbelieving. Impossible to read, "Or you can just leave, I guess, if you want. We don't have to talk about it again, it was such a stupid-"

He shook his head, stopping your train of thought from spiralling. But instead of speaking, he set the letter down neatly on his lap and ripped open the wrapping paper, pulling out a knitted scarf that was striped brown and beige and designed to match his leather jacket perfectly. You'd searched for the right yarn for weeks. You'd never tell him.

"How long?"

His words were little more than a whisper. There were so many things he could have been talking about.

"How long what?"

"How long did it take?" he said, turning the fabric over in his hands, running his fingers over the stitches with fingers that were definitely trembling now, "To make it, I mean?"

"Oh, not long-" you began, but stopped when he looked up at you with tears in his eyes. You felt that lump in your throat again. You'd never seen him cry. It was impossible to tell him anything but the truth, "A few months. Whenever I had a free moment and not every single day, but a few months. Five, actually."

He just stared. You kept talking.

"I just wanted it special for you. I'm sorry I lied. Everyone spent so much, I got embarrassed. It was silly."

"Not silly," he said, firm and serious, like he was angry you'd even think it, "You're not silly. You're perfect, this is perfect. I can't- I can't believe you'd remember such a tiny comment from so long ago."

You shrugged. He'd just called you perfect and you were trying not to glow.

"You'd remember. You always remember things I've said, however small or silly. Wanted someone to do that for you."

"You're not silly, you've never been silly," he says again, clutching the scarf and staring down at it again rather than you, "I only remember that stuff because I'm so in love with you I can't stand it. I never thought you'd-"

Now you were lightheaded. Had he...? He was still staring at the scarf, awestruck and looking completely oblivious to what he'd just said. But he meant it. Steve never said anything he didn't mean. Now you were glowing, bursting, grinning and you didn't try to stop it.

"You never thought I'd be so in love with you too that I can barely breathe with it?" you supplied, watching again as his watery eyes snapped up to yours once more, shock bleeding from him, "You thought wrong, I guess. Surprise."

You giggled at yourself, because you were talking nonsense and Steve loved you. It was heaven when he giggled too, wiping his eyes with his sleeve, not the scarf, and then offering you the material. You took it wordlessly, understanding between you as there always was, and wound it around his neck. It fit perfectly.

He took your hand from the scarf you were adjusting before you could react and kissed your thumb. At your sheer delight, he kissed your forefinger, then your middle, ring, pinky and then right back up to the thumb, tiny little kisses. He stared at your hand.

"Magic," he said softly, taking your hand and his to cup your cheek. You couldn't help but close your eyes, "Promise me you'll never feel embarrassed with me again. I can't bear it. You're just magic, you have to see it."

For him, you could try. For now, all you could do was lean in to kiss him and hope you'd get to do it forever.

if you'd like to request something, please do so here. i'd love to hear from you, sunflower <3

[taylorswiftandx]

Taylor Swift and Minds

Note: "Minding" (ie. don't mind me, minding my business) will get its own post. This is for "mind" the noun and adjectives/adverbs like "mindless"

'Taylor Swift'

Stay Beautiful: I'm taking pictures in my mind so I can save them for a rainy day

Should've Said No: And I should've been there in the back of your mind

'Fearless (Taylor's Version)'

Fearless: Run your hands through your hair, absent-mindedly making me want you

Fifteen: And Abigail gave everything she had to a boy who changed his mind, and we both cried

Breathe: I see your face in my mind as I drive away

Breathe: People are people and sometimes we change our minds

Tell Me Why: Why do you have to put down my dreams so you're the only thing on my mind

'Speak Now (Taylor’s Version)'

Sparks Fly: My mind forgets to remind me you're a bad idea

Back To December: Because the last time you saw me is still burned in the back of your mind

Back To December: And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind

Back To December: I’d go back to December, turn around and change my own mind

Back To December: Maybe this is wishful thinking, probably mindless dreaming

Dear John: And my mother accused me of losing my mind but I swore I was fine

The Story Of Us: How I was losing my mind when I saw you here

Never Grow Up: Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room

Better Than Revenge: She should keep in mind, she should keep in mind, there is nothing I do better than revenge

Innocent: Lost your balance on a tightrope, lost your mind trying to get it back

Innocent: Minds change like the weather, I hope you remember today is never too late to be brand new

Last Kiss: You can plan for a change in the weather and time, but I never planned on you changing your mind

Long Live: I said, “Remember this moment,” in the back of my mind

Ours: Don't you worry your pretty little mind

Timeless: Time breaks down your mind and body, don’t you let it touch your soul

'Red (Taylor's Version)'

State Of Grace: We are alone with our changing minds

Red: Loving him is like trying to change your mind once you’re already flying through the free fall

Treacherous: Your name has echoes through my mind and I just think you should, think you should know

We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together: And you would hide away and find your peace of mind with some indie record that's much cooler than mine

Everything Has Changed: And all I’ve seen since 18 hours ago is green eyes and freckles and your smile in the back of my mind making me feel like

Everything Has Changed: And meet me there tonight and let me know that it's not all in my mind

Come Back... Be Here: I told myself, "Don't get attached," but in my mind I play it back

Better Man: I know I’m probably better off all alone than needing a man who could change his mind at any given minute

All Too Well (10 Minute Version): But I'm in a new hell every time you double-cross my mind

'1989 (Taylor’s Version)'

Shake It Off: It's like I got this music in my mind saying, "It's gonna be all right"

How You Get The Girl: Tell her how you must have lost your mind

Wonderland: Haven't you heard what becomes of curious minds?

Wonderland: It’s all fun and games 'til somebody loses their mind

You Are In Love: And you understand now why they lost their minds and fought the wars

'reputation'

Don’t Blame Me: For you I would cross the line, I would waste my time, I would lose my mind

Don't Blame Me: Echoes of your name inside my mind, halo hiding my obsession

Getaway Car: I struck a match and blew your mind

King Of My Heart: I made up my mind, I'm better off being alone

This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things: Get you on the phone and mind-twist you

'Lover'

I Forgot That You Existed: Your name on my lips, tongue-tied, free rent, living in my mind

Afterglow: Tell me that we’ll be just fine, even when I lose my mind

Daylight: And I can still see it all in my mind

'folklore'

The Last Great American Dynasty: Her saltbox house on the coast took her mind off St. Louis

Exile: I never learned to read your mind / Never learned to read my mind

'evermore'

Gold Rush: My mind turns your life into folklore

'Midnights'

Question...?: She was on your mind with some dickhead guy that you saw that night

Bejeweled: Didn't notice you walking all over my peace of mind in the shoes I gave you as a present

Bejeweled: And you can try to change my mind but you might have to wait in line

Labyrinth: It only feels this raw right now, lost in the labyrinth of my mind

Sweet Nothing: You say, "What a mind," this happens all the time

Mastermind: What if I told you I'm a mastermind and now you're mine?

Mastermind: It was all by design 'cause I'm a mastermind

Mastermind: You knew that I'm a mastermind and now you're mine

Mastermind: Yeah, all you did was smile 'cause I'm a mastermind

Paris: Let the only flashing lights be the tower at midnight in my mind

Would've, Could've, Should've: The tomb won't close, stained glass windows in my mind

Other Songs written by Taylor

Best Days Of Your Life: 'Cause I’ll be there in the back of your mind from the day we met til you were making me cry

Best Days Of Your Life: 'Cause I’ll be there in the back of your mind from the day we met to the very last night

Christmas Must Be Something More: And everybody's here, it seems like the last thing on your mind

I Don't Wanna Live Forever: I'm sitting eyes wide open and I got one thing stuck in my mind

You’ll Always Find Your Way Back Home: You can change your mind, that’s just the way it goes

Official Alternate Releases

Question...? (Clean Version): She was on your mind with some meathead guy that you saw that night

[kloudslog]

If I took him

"

If I had taken the chance

Then would he be back

Why do I miss him this much

He wasn't mine to grasp

Only knew him a month and

Yet I feel blank

Want to be asleep

Fight god and this plan

If only my parents could be honest, have said

We never want you back

Just go away

I want them to stop 

Lying to me

Running out of time

Wake up in the cold

My meds will run dry, then

What will that hold

Could barely keep thought

My focus is shot

I should have fucking

Adopted that dog

If i took him home,

Would things be well still

Why was this the breaking point

Of my will

He would have a bed

And he would be safe

He would see the snow- fuck-

He’d see all the states

We’d run on the beach

He would eat and eat

Id make it so 

The pain of the past would leave

He wouldn't be scared

He just needed time

Kept getting returned

Oh what a crime

Why does my heart burn?

This dog of a month, 

Never adopted to me

My parents decided I wasn’t worth the feed,

They called me a monster

Depressive fiend

They looked at my face and called all their faults

Tried to make it seem like it was all my fault

All my friends had bailed

My siblings had cried

They begged me to stay

Parents said i was a crime

what could I say?

And I was alone,

I was scared

I would snap at anyone who would come near and-

He was alone, 

And he was scared

And he would snap at us all out of fear

And I’m still alone

And I'm still scared

But I had stopped snapping at the people here

He wouldn’t stop snapping and people became scared

Would that have been me if I never cared?

I failed to save him but made sure to cry,

I knew it was wrong to not say goodbye

I watched him doze around, til he fell asleep

And he fell asleep right by my feet

And I said goodbye as he laid on that throne

Memories I had planned all burning in that stove

The doctors had quietly said “hes gone” 

And man what have I done

To the one thing I got?

I have no friends

My family forgot

I move to another state to restart

I cant call to Hel, but she keeps taking my mind

Keeps taking my focus

how I’m running out of time

I should have taken my best friend home

But I adopted his ashes and-

Home into my van

That the windows may leak

Looking at the one piece of him

That I can keep

I was to late

To take him with me

No snow on his feet

No simple life dream

My future was with him

And now its all gone

I shouldn't have planned it

On a shelter dog

A dog who would snap,

But clearly wanted love

He’d climb in my lap

Let me hold him and touch

he was given to another 

who swore to do such

She broke our trust 

brought him back without luck

It was his last chance,

I took to long to say

“Give him to me, he is my only way”

He’s all that I had

I had lost way to much

And now I had lost the one thing I could touch

The one guy that I knew 

my future would be with

And I had failed to save him 

They said I couldn''t take him 

I asked to adopt and they told me why

He had too many chances

But never could fight

The demons in his mind

That would cause him to bite

I failed him that night

Couldn’t save him alright

And now the one soul that I loved 

Had to die

If I took him

 

We’d play in the snow until dusk

Warm up by a fire

Give him tea to warm up

Given him all the toys and the best food I could buy

He’d get all the chances to chase birds

I would try

He’d have a throne next to me on my drives

He’d be able to sleep in his warm bed at night

I would read all my books that I had in supply

Read him so he’d know he was safe in the vans light

We’d go to the mountains, the sea, and to lakes

He’d fall asleep while the radio played

If ever the need id take him overseas

He was such a small dog I’d just fly him with me

The world is such a fucking scary place

He didn't need to be pushed away

He would have a home, full belly, a way

To escape all the horrors that he had faced

All he needed was a safe place

I would get a land in the future with ducks, with goats and with plants and it would just be us

He could chase the ducks

run around all day

My goal was to make him forget where he came

Just as he helped me forget the place I came

And yet

I had failed

To save my only 

"

{{ Recently I had to put down my dog, I wasn't able to adopt him as he was at the shelter I worked at. Originally he was adopted, and I was happy for him... but they returned him, having done the opposite of what we told her to do, and he bite her and her husband.

I should have taken him the moment he returned, but I hesitated, assumed he would still be here when my van conversion was done (I live in my van, and I'm still converting it).

three days off his bite hold, we learned he was to be euthanized.

and it became to late to adopt him, I tried but... I wasn't allowed to anymore.

I couldn't save him.

I have been dealing with this feeling since, its only been a week but mixing it with my current burnout and such... He was all I had, and planned my future on.

Wrote this, its not the best but it made me feel a little better. }}

[huntfracti]

tag drop 001.

[myfanwymusings]

TAYLOR SWIFT / FEARLESS (TAYLOR’S VERSION)

These lyrics are from Taylor Swift’s 2021 re-recording of her 2008 sophomore album, Fearless. These lyrics may be modified to better fit roleplay purposes. Please note: every track from the new album has been included, except Love Story (Elvira Remix) and Forever & Always (Piano Version) due to their lyrics being duplicates of lyrics already in the album elsewhere.

FEARLESS

There's something 'bout the way the street looks when it's just rained

I'm trying so hard not to get caught up

You're just so cool

I don't know how it gets better than this

With you I'd dance In a storm in my best dress

I wanna stay right here

I'm not usually this way

You pull me in and I'm a little more brave

FIFTEEN

Take a deep breath and walk through the doors

Try to stay out of everybody's way

You know, I haven't seen you around before

When you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you, you're gonna believe them

When someone tells you they love you, you’re going to believe them

We'll be outta here as soon as we can

All you wanted was to be wanted

All I wanted was to be wanted

Back then, I swore I was gonna marry him someday

I realized some bigger dreams of mine 

I've found time can heal most anything 

I didn't know who I was supposed to be

I didn't know who I was supposed to be at fifteen  

LOVE STORY

We were both young when I first saw you

Hello

Stay away from Juliet

I’m begging you, please don't go

Please don't go.

Take me somewhere we can be alone

All there's left to do is run

You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess

It’s a love story, baby just say yes.

Baby, just say yes.

We're dead if they knew

They're trying to tell me how to feel 

This love is difficult, but it’s real

Don’t be afraid, we’ll make it out of this mess

I got tired of waiting 

My faith in you is fading

I’ve been so alone

I keep waiting for you but you never come

Is this in my head?

I don’t know what to think

Marry me, Juliet

You’ll never have to be alone

I love you, and that’s all I really know

I talked to your dad

Go pick out a white dress

HEY STEPHEN

I know looks can be deceiving

I know I saw a light in you

I didn't say half the things I wanted to 

You might have me believing I don't always have to be alone

I can't help it if you look like an angel 

I wanna kiss you in the rain 

Come feel this magic I've been feeling since I met you 

I can't help it if there's no one else

I can’t help myself

I've been holding back this feeling, so I got some things to say to you

I never seen nobody shine the way you do 

I've seen it all, so I thought

I think you and I should stay the same

Why aren't you here tonight?

I could give you fifty reasons why I should be the one you choose

All those other girls, well, they're beautiful but would they write a song for you?

WHITE HORSE

Say you're sorry

That face of an angel comes out just when you need it to 

I honestly believed in you

This ain't a fairytale 

I was a dreamer before you went and let me down 

Maybe I was naive, got lost in your eyes 

I didn't know to be in love that you had to fight to have the upper hand 

I had so many dreams about you and me 

I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well 

YOU BELONG WITH ME

She's going off about something that you said

She doesn't get your humor like I do 

What you're looking for has been here the whole time 

Why can't you see that you belong with me?

I can't help thinking this is how it ought to be 

You've got a smile that could light up this whole town 

Hey, isn't this easy? 

You say you're fine but I know you better than that 

I remember you driving to my house in the middle of the night 

All this time how could you not know?

Have you ever thought just maybe you belong with me?

BREATHE (FEAT. COLBIE CALLAIT)

None of us thought it was gonna end that way

People are people and sometimes we change our minds

It's killing me to see you go after all this time

I don't know what to be without you around

We know it's never simple

You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand 

I can't breathe without you, but I have to

I never wanted this, I never wanna see you hurt

Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out 

It's 2 A.M, feeling like I just lost a friend

TELL ME WHY

You might think I'm bulletproof, but I'm not

You took a swing, I took it hard

Down here from the ground I see who you are

I'm sick and tired of your attitude

I'm feeling like I don't know you

You tell me that you love me, then cut me down 

You know you got a mean streak

I remember what you said last night

I know, that you see, what you're doing to me 

You could write a book on how to ruin someone's perfect day

I'm sick and tired of your reasons

I got no one to believe in

You tell me that you want me, then push me around

Why do you have to make me feel small?

Why do you have to put down my dreams?

YOU’RE NOT SORRY

I've been giving out chances every time and all you do is let me down

It's taken me this long, baby, but I've figured you out

You're thinking we'll be fine again, but not this time around

You don't have to call anymore 

This is the last straw 

I don't wanna hurt anymore

You can tell me that you're sorry but I don't believe you, baby, like I did before

You're not sorry

I might believe you if I didn't know

I could've loved you all my life if you hadn't left me waiting in the cold 

You've got your share of secrets and I'm tired of being last to know

You used to shine so bright, but I watched all of it fade

THE WAY I LOVED YOU

I couldn't ask for anything better

You look beautiful tonight

I feel perfectly fine 

I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain

It's 2AM and I'm cursing your name 

I never knew I could feel that much 

You're so in love that you acted insane

He can't see the smile I'm faking

My heart's not breaking cause I'm not feeling anything at all

FOREVER & ALWAYS

Were you just kidding?

I don't feel welcome anymore

Baby, what happened? 

He still hasn't called

You feel so low you can't feel nothing at all

I was there when you said forever and always 

Was I out of line? 

Did I say something way too honest?

I thought I knew you for a minute, now I'm not so sure 

Where is this going?

Did you forget everything?

I don’t think so

You didn't mean it

THE BEST DAY

I don't know why all the trees change in the fall

You're not scared of anything at all

I know I had the best day with you today

How my friends could be so mean?

I don't know who I'm going to talk to now at school 

I have an excellent father, his strength is making me stronger 

You're the prettiest lady in the whole wide world

I know you were on my side even when I was wrong

I didn't know if you knew

CHANGE

I believe in whatever you do

I'll do anything to see it through 

These things will change

Can you feel it now? 

These walls that they put up to hold us back will fall down

The time will come for us to finally win

So we've been outnumbered, raided, and now cornered

It's hard to fight when the fight ain’t fair

We're getting stronger

They might be bigger but we're faster and never scared

There's something in your eyes says we can beat this 

We never gave in

JUMP THEN FALL

I like the way you sound in the morning

Your laugh is the best sound I have ever heard

All I can think is we should be together

Don't be afraid to jump then fall

I'm never gonna leave you 

I'll catch you 

The time is gonna come when you're so mad you could cry 

I'll hold you through the night until you smile

Every time you smile, I smile

Every time you shine, I shine

UNTOUCHABLE

I'm reaching out and I just can't tell you why

I'm caught up in you

When you're close, I feel like coming undone

Say that we'll be together 

I won't wait here all day 

I want to feel you by my side and standing next to me

COME IN WITH THE RAIN

I don't wanna go there anymore

I know all the steps up to your door but I don't wanna go there anymore

I'll leave my window open

I'm too tired at night to call your name

Just know I'm right here hoping that you'll come in with the rain

I could stand up and sing you a song but I don't wanna have to go that far 

I've got you down, I know you by heart and you don't even know where I start 

I don't know what else I can say 

I'm too tired at night for all these games 

SUPERSTAR

This is wrong but I can't help but feel like there ain’t nothing more right

I can't help but wish I could see your face 

I knew from the first note played I'd be breaking all my rules to see you

I'm no one special, just another wide-eyed girl who's desperately in love with you

Loneliness comes around when I'm not dreaming about you 

I knew when I saw your face I'd be counting down the ways to see you 

I'm invisible and everyone knows who you are 

THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DOOR

In the heat of the fight I walked away ignoring words that you were saying

This time I've had enough

I'm so mad I might tell you that it's over 

Leave

I'm in love with you

All I need is on the other side of the door 

I keep going back over things we both said 

If you know everything tell me why you couldn't see when I left, I wanted you to chase after me 

I can't even look at you 

I don’t need you, but I do

There's nothing you can say to make this right again, I mean it 

TODAY WAS A FAIRY TALE

Today was a fairy tale

I used to be a damsel in distress

Time slows down whenever you're around

Can you feel this magic in the air?

I fell in love when I saw you standing there

It's getting so much clearer 

Nothing made sense 'til the time I saw your face

YOU ALL OVER ME (FEAT. MAREN MORRIS)

I lived, and I learned, had you, got burned

Swore that I'd get out of here

No amount of freedom gets you clean

I've still got you all over me  

The best and worst day of June was the one that I met you 

Don't you wish you had me? 

Every breath of air I breathe reminds me of then 

I watched a part of myself die

MR. PERFECTLY FINE

I've been waitin' for you all my life

Every single day until the end, I will be by your side

It takes everything in me just to get up each day

Hello Mr. "Perfectly fine", how's your heart after breaking mine?

It's wonderful to see that you're okay

Everything revolves around you

Well, I thought you might be different than the rest, I guess you're all the same

'Cause I hear he's got his arm 'round a brand-new girl

I never got past what you put me through but it's wonderful to see that it never fazed you

WE WERE HAPPY

When it was good, baby, it was good

No one could touch the way we laughed in the dark 

Goodbye's so much harder 'cause we were happy 

I hate those voices telling me I'm not in love anymore 

THAT’S WHEN (FEAT. KEITH URBAN)

Need some space to think about all of this 

When can I come back? 

All this playing, did you ever think of me?

I'll be waiting at the front gate

I did you wrong, made mistakes and put you through all of this 

I'll come back

DON’T YOU

I knew I'd run into you somewhere 

It's been a while

I didn't mean to stare 

I'm sure she'll make you happy 

Don't smile at me and ask me how I've been

Don't say you've missed me if you don't want me again

You don't how much I feel I love you still 

Sometimes I really wish that I could hate you 

I swore I wouldn't do this

BYE BYE BABY

It wasn't just like a movie 

This is the last time I'll drive this way again 

I still love you but I can't 

I was so sure of everything we thought we'd always have

Seems like I'm becoming part of your past

There's so much that I can't touch

You're all I want but it's not enough this time

I can feel you like you're slipping through my hands 

I'm so scared of how this ends

I want you back but it's coming down to nothing

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Hue and Cry XXI

Warnings: non-consent sex and rape (series), trauma, violence, some elements untagged.

This is dark!medieval!Bucky Barnes x reader and explicit. 18+ only.  Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Synopsis: The reader faces her past.

Note: We’re gonna keep going til this is over...hopefully ;)

Thanks to everyone and thanks in advance for all your feedback. :)

I really hope you enjoy. 💋

<3 Let me know what you think with a like or reblog or reply or an ask! Love ya!

MASTERLIST

You looked down the hill on the castle you grew up in. The road behind you didn’t seem as long as that before you, your destination not an hour away. You sat on a rock as Peter paced and muttered under his breath. You closed your eyes and thought of Elina. You knew she was safe with Zemo and that made the distance easier.

Before you left Heinrich’s Creek, you’d held her as long as you could. You kissed her all over and handed her over with tears in your eyes. Zemo promised you would see her again but you knew it was unlikely. He did too and he had never been one to lie for the sake of emotion. It struck you deeply and you kissed him just as desperately.

“So… we walk straight up to the gates and what? Hope for peace?” Peter asked.

You fixed the collar of your tunic and gripped your cane, “we’ll get her back, Peter,” you promised as you pushed yourself up. You were dressed as a man, it made travel easier and the two of you less conspicuous, “you have rope?”

“Rope? Uh, yes, but--”

“We’ll leave my horse up here. May will need it,” you said as you neared him, “get the rope.”

“Why--”

“Peter, we came this far knowing what needs to be done,” your chest stirred with dread though you were consigned to your fate, “tie it around my neck, get up on your horse, and take me down that hill.”

“I--”

“He can’t think I’m here on my own will, he’ll know. You make him think you only want your aunt and you leave with her as quick as you can,” you voice cracked and you inhaled deeply, “I’m doing this for my daughter. So she can live without men like him.”

“You don’t have to die for it. Zemo, he can help--”

“He can’t. Not swift enough to save May,” you shook your head, “we’ve taken long enough to get here. Now tie me up and let us go.”

He looked at you and shuttered. He frowned and went to his saddlebag. He took out the length of rope and you raised your head as he wound it around your neck quietly. He knotted it and you leaned on your cane.

“I’m sorry,” he said as he finished.

“No, you don’t have to be,” you said, “when we get close, if you see him, you yank on me. As hard as you can. Make him think I am as much your captive as she is his.”

“I can’t--”

“Peter, you have to be strong. I won’t have your aunt die for me. Not like your uncle. I lived, he didn’t. I owe you much more than you ever did me,” you uttered, “Now get on your horse.”

He hung his head and nodded. He mounted and wrapped the end of the rope around his hand. He nicked and set off along the path. You stumbled and limped behind him, your cane skidding over the stones and mud. It was well into fall and the land was cold and wet. You were careful on the incline not to slip and saved yourself several times with the wooden stick.

He kept looking back the closer you got to the gates and you hissed for him to keep his eyes forward. He could blow it all after everything. He pushed his shoulders back as he approached the guards at the wall and he stopped just a little away from them. They stood at attention and gripped their pommels.

“Who goes there?” one asked and the men shared a look of recognition before Peter could answer.

“Lord Barnes is awaiting his bounty,” Peter said stonily, “I have her but he must first return what is mine as he swore to.”

“This is her?” The man at the left side of the iron gates asked.

“It’s her, you dolt,” the other interjected, “you remember her, don’t you? And look, she’s all messed up from the horse.”

“Where is Lord Barnes?” Peter insisted.

“Aye, in a moment,” the man clanged on the gate with his mailed elbow, “Oswald, fetch the lord. Tell him Lord Parker has come for the crone.”

You shifted and leaned heavily on your cave. You focused on your breath as it threatened to quicken to panic. You had weeks, months to prepare for him but you could never be ready. You shook and struggled to keep afoot. You knew only cruelty awaited you, even if he did believe your lies.

It was a time before you heard anything more. Peter grew impatient as his horse spat and snorted in kind. At last you heard footsteps and suddenly Peter tugged harshly on the rope. You fell to your knees as he spoke, boots mulching in the mud.

“Lord Barnes, I have your whore,” Peter called out, “Where is my aunt?”

You looked up as you clutched your cane and felt along the rope at your throat. Your eyes met Barnes’ and time seemed to stand still. His hair was even longer than before, his beard too. There were threads of silver through both and his left shoulder was barren of its former attachment.

“You are fortunate I had the patience to wait on you,” Barnes growled, “your aunt is alive… though I cannot say she is happy about it. You give me my woman first and I’ll give you yours.”

Peter hesitated. “How do I know it is not a trick?”

Barnes raised his hand and signaled to some unseen person. There was a creak and more footsteps. May was dragged up in her stained shift, a patched cloak draped crookedly over her shoulders.

“See, she’s all here,” Barnes called, “Now you hand her over and I’ll do the same. Fair trade.”

Peter looked over his shoulder as you stood and you lowered your chin. It was a subtle nod. Do it.

A guard came forward and he bent to hand over the rope as the gate was opened with the crank. You were taken off your feet again as the armored goon wrenched you meanly and laughed.

“I will have you stripped and whipped if you do it again,” Barnes warned as he came forward, his hand on May’s elbow, “give him the old lady.”

He released May as you were led through the gate and as you passed May she glanced at you. Your eyes met and she knew. There was an unspoken and piteous gratitude in her eyes. You hobbled onward and felt fingers closed around your arm. You lifted your head as Barnes grabbed you and pulled the rope slipped from the guard’s grasp.

“Close the gate. Let the boy go,” he demanded.

He said nothing more and turned back and hauled you with him. His hand slid from your arm and followed the length of the rope as he wounded it around his knuckles. You barely kept up with him as your cane bounced off the ground and you walked unevenly beside him. His silence was unsettling.

You passed through the wide doors of the castle and he huffed as you staggered across the stone. He spun you suddenly and kicked your cane out from under you. The stick rolled away from you and he bent to scoop you up over his shoulder, the rope straining at your neck.

“You won’t be walking much,” he snarled as he set off up the stairs.

You quivered and grasped at the back of his tunic. His hand held your thigh firmly and he squeezed, as if making certain you were real. The fear bubbled in your chest and all your plans fell to the floor like your cane had.

He swept into his room and kicked the door closed. He tossed you down on the bed as he let the rope free and you bounced violently on the feather mattress. He was quick to follow and straddled you under him. His hand roughly felt along your cheek and lips, lingering on your scar as he stared at you.

“I thought…” he rasped as his eyes bore into you, “did you laugh to think of me mourning you?”

“No, my lord, I…” you croaked. You were that girl again, that maid, terrified. “I never--”

“I cried for you,” he sneered, “I buried you!”

“My lord,” you grabbed his wrist as his fingers stretched across the rope, “please--”

“Did he make a good whore of you? Huh? Did you prefer him to me?”

“He took me against my will. I was not aware even that he did until it was too late--”

“I know,” he hissed as he leaned over you, his hot breath scoured your skin, “I know about our child.”

“I…” you shook your head, “I-- I--”

“Where is she?”

“I don’t--”

“You know!” he shouted, “you know!”

“I don’t. Zemo… he fled when Peter got hold of me. Like the coward you know him to be--”

“Stop lying--”

“I am not lying, I swear it, my lord,” you pleaded, “you have me. You don’t need the child.”

“It is my child,” he barked, “mine. You would keep her from me as you kept yourself.”

“No, I cannot-- I didn’t run. He took me. I never asked for it--”

“You will tell me where they are,” he backed off of you and grabbed the loose end of the rope again. 

He flipped you and moved your hands to the middle of your back. He snapped at you not to move as he looped the rope around your wrists and struggled with one hand to pull it tight. He tested it with a violent tug that jolted your entire body. His fingers hooked into the back of your breeches and he ripped them down.

You yelped as he struck you with his hand. You kicked out and tried to stand. He pushed you back down with his foot and smacked your ass again.

“Stay,” he bid as he moved around behind you, “stay or it will only be worse… but I suppose it must be before you tell me.”

You twined your fingers together and pushed your head into the mattress as you braced yourself. You listened to him behind you and as he walked across the room. He opened the door and called to someone. You did not hear his orders, only the feet that shuffled to do as he wished.

He waited until they returned and the door closed heavily. There was a tap, tap, tap, as he neared you and you looked down past your shoulder at the sparkling head of your cane. He lifted it in his hand and rested it against your ass.

“Perhaps I spoke too soon when I said we would not need this,” he said.

He pulled back the cane and brought the wood down with a crack across your rear. You scream at the agony it sent up your spine. He did it again and your legs flailed helplessly.

“Where is she?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” you sobbed.

He struck you once more and asked the same question. You gave the same answer. The same thing, over and over. At least a dozen before he stilled. He brushed the wood against your bare skin and bent over you.

“I could have loved you. I wanted to,” he said, “we could have loved the child, too. Children… we could’ve had a whole litter.” He poked your ass with the cane as he stood straight and grazed between your legs with a hum, “Gods, we could just try for another right now.”

You closed your eyes and bit down. He withdrew the wood once more and his boot scuffed over the stone. He took a deep breath and let it out.

“In due time,” he said as he hit you again, “where the fuck is my child?”

You wept into the bedcover and thought of Elina. Thought of her in Zemo’s arms, the way she pulled his beard, and the way he smiled back at her, at you. You couldn’t tell him where they were if you wanted to. You never would. And if you suffered for it, Barnes would only suffer more. He would never know the only good piece of him to remain in the world.

[alice-angel12x]

💔Father!Kalim x Son!Reader x Jamil

Not Romantic, platonic family love! sequel to the Jamil x reader story.

Get ready 'cause I'm feeling angsty and was inspired by Hamilton.

Y/n was the firstborn son of Kalim Al-Asim and Amina Akilah and was the most hard-working son. Sadly Y/n would get overshadowed by his 20 other step-siblings, That Fool Kalim can't even remember his firstborn son's name and was more in tune with his other more carefree children. Y/n studied hard and achieved more than those brats, he did all this to earn some approval and praise from that fool. And what he gets is a simple pat on the head and a 'good job' as he goes off and rides through town with his other children. Jamil was in love with Kalim's first wife, but when she passed he swore to take care of Y/n in her place. So his anger grew whenever he saw that Kalim never acknowledged his own first-born son's great potential. So Jamil happily became Y/n's father-figure, even seeing Y/n as his own while Kalim favors his younger son, Adnan, from Kalim's second wife.  

Adnan was a spoiled brat who simply like to appeal to his father's carefree nature, earning his status as the favorite child. And because of this, he bullied his other siblings and play the victim when they fight back. Jamil would admit the boy was clever in kissing up to his father to convince him to give him everything in his will. And he was good at sports, but that is it. The boy wasn't smart and didn't care to learn or study. He would use his power over his other siblings to get him decent grades. 

Jamil sighed as he brought his young master's lunch.

"Y/n, your lunch is ready," Jamil said as he placed the plates on the desk, " What are you doing?"

"I want to try to pick up an instrument, maybe that father will notice me. Mr. Azul said that Father likes to dance and play music. Can you teach me music and dancing?" Y/n begged.

"If this is to win back the inheritance Adnan-"

"No it's not about the inheritance, I just want to spend time with Father. I want to at least remember me and my name," Y/n frowned.

'Why do you want to spend time with that fool? I was more of a father to you than him,' Jamil thought to himself.

"Alright, recently Kalim has been really interested in the Piano," Jamil said as he masked a smile.

So the next month Jamil taught Y/n everything he knew about playing the piano and a few other assortments of instruments. As Jamil taught him, he noticed that Y/n quickly picked up on music easily and quickly, and even enjoyed it. So he did have something from Kalim.

"Un-deux-trois-quatre-cinq-six-sept-huit-neuf (un-deux-trois-quatre-cinq-six-sept-huit-neuf )

Good, un deux trois quatre cinq six sept huit (un-deux-trois-quatre-cinq-six-sept-huit-neuf)Sept-huit-neuf (sept-huit-neuf)Sept-huit-neuf (sept-huit-neuf)One-two-three-four-five-six-seven-eight-nine," The two sang togeather.

______

Y/n happily ran over to his father and showed off his musical talent's much to Kalim's amazement.

"Father, Father, look My name is Y/n I am a poet, I wrote this poem just to show it. And I just turned nine, You can write rhymes but you can't write mine," Y/n sang as he played the piano.

"What!" Kalim smiled as he sat next to his son.

"I practice French and play piano with Jamil. I have a bother, but I want a little sister," Y/n continued.

 "Okay," Kalim chuckled.

"Un deux trois quatre cinq," Y/n finished with a smile.

"Bravo!" Kalim cheered.

 Kalim happily gave him tips on each instrument as they made a small two-person band. From that point on Kalim and Y/n spent more and more Father and son time, and even became more involved in Y/n's life. Much to Jamil's slight dismay. Kalim and Y/n would spend time playing instruments to entertain guests, or could even be found playing board and card games together. His once-forgotten son, to his pride and joy within a year.

"And Check Mate," Y/n said proudly.

"Again?! alright one more game," Kalim laughed.

Jamil brought Kalim his dinner for the night when he noticed, Kalim looking over Y/n's great accomplishments, all proudly presented on Y/n's bedroom wall.

"Master Kalim?" Jamil called.

"Jamil, Kalim is just fine. Your my friend," Kalim smiled at Jamil, " Y/n my son, I never knew he was such a genius."

"Y-yes, your son is a very bright boy," Jamil said as he forced a smile.

"I feel terrible now that I realize I'm leaving him empty-handed once I pass," Kalim frowned as he hung his head.

_______

As years went by Y/n continued to grow to be a handsome young man and be on top of his classes, and showed great skill in his music skills, and Kalim was there for him the entire time. Word about Y/n spread far and wide across the Land of Hot Sands and even was heard by The Sultan of the land.

"Mr.  Al-Asim, I hear that you have a very exceptional son, is that true?" The Sultan asked as Kalim and Y/n bowed before him.

"Yes, he is a very bright boy," Kalim said with a calm and confidant smile.

"I've been looking new advisor, and I hope he is as good as they say," The Sultan said simply as he left the  Al-Asim household.

"Father, Do you really think I'm up to the task?" Y/n asked nervesly.

"I am confident you have what it takes to be the best Advisor in this generation," Kalim smiled brightly.

---------

"I don't know if I can do this, Jamil, I'm not ready," Y/n panicked as he passed back and forth.

Jamil rolled his eyes as he grabbed Y/n's shoulders.

"Y/n, calm down," Jamil said, " you are the son of the smart  Amina Akilah, I know you're more than capable."

"Thank's Jamil," Y/n smiled as he kneeled before him," For always looking out for me when I needed someone to turn to."

"Y/n I'm just a servant, I did what I was required to do," Jamil said as he turned away from Y/n.

Y/n was able to catch a quick glimpse of a hint of sadness in Jamil's eyes. If Y/n were to be chosen as the advisor to the Sultan he would spend most or all of his time in the castle. Jamil was going to miss the young boy, but he quickly barrier those sorrows had hurried Y/n out of the house.

The Sultan sent a trial for the candidates, and whoever passed would be his advisor. Using this to weed out the less impressive, and soon it was down to Y/n and on another proud candidate, Abbas. 

Abbas noticed with each trail Y/n grew more and more favor with the Sultan. Abbas was an older man who worked hard to even step foot into the palace, but he had dark reasons for wanting to become the advisor. The sultan was a carefree man, and a kind ruler, easy to manipulate. Surly the Sultan would choose a wiser older man with more experience than this ignorant rich boy, Abbas thought to himself.

So when the sultan chose the young  Y/n, Abbas's anger took hold as he drew his gun and aimed for the Sultan and BANG!!!

"Someone apprehend that man!!"

"Call the doctor!!"

"Call for the boy's father!!" The Sultan creamed as he held a dying Y/n in his arm. 

---------

"Where's my son?!" Kalim asked as he entered the hospital.

"Mr. Al-Asim, come in, they brought him in half an hour ago," The healer said, "He lost a lot of blood on the way over (stay alive)"

"Is he alive?" Kalim asked as his heart raced.

"Yes, but you have to understand, The bullet entered just above his hip and lodged in his right arm," The healer tried to explain. "The bullet was coated in some unknown poison,"

"Can I see him please?" Kalim asked as tears ran down his face.

"I'm doing everything I can but the wound was already infected when he arrived," The healer frowned.

"Y/n," Kalim gasped.

"Father!" Y/n smiled weakly.

"I did exactly as you said, Pa held my head up high."

"I know, I know, shh (high)I know, I know, shh," Kalim said, trying to get Y/n to save his energy."I know you did everything just right,"

"Even before we got to ten 

I was aiming for the sky 

I was aiming for the sky," Y/n repeated as he grew weaker.

 "I know, I know, shhI know, save your strength and stay alive!" Kalim begged.

Jamil wandered to the door of the room, unaware of why Kalim rushed here in such a hurry. Til he saw Y/n laying on the bed, growing paler by the minute.

"NO!" Jamil cried out as he ran into the room.

"Jamil," Kalim gasped.

"Is he breathing? Is he going to survive this?" Jamil gasped as he hugged the injured boy close, " Who did this, Kalim, did you know?"

"Jamil, I'm so sorry for forgetting what you taught me," Y/n chocked out in pain.

At that moment Jamil couldn't hold back his tears as his emotions break through his usual cool facade, as he cried out the words he always wished he could say to Y/n.

"My son," Jamil cried as he turned to Y/n.

"We played piano," Y/n said in pain.

"I taught you piano," Jamil smiled through his tears.

"You would put your hands on mine," Y/n said slowly.

"You changed the melody every time," Jamil said as he chocked out a laugh.

"I would always change the line," Y/n said.

"Shh, I know, I know," Jamil shushed softly.

"I would always change the line," Y/n repeated.

"I know, I know. Un-deux-trois-quatre-cinq-six-sept-huit-neuf," Jamil said as Y/n copied, " Good Un-deux-trois-quatre-cinq-six-sept-huit-neuf."

Jamil paused after Y/n suddenly stopped singing with him.

"Sept-huit-neuf. Sept-huit," Jamil stuttered, "NOOO!"

That hospital room soon was full of cries of mourning.

----------

Kalim stood behind Jamil, who was standing over Y/n's grave. His umbrella has long been toasted aside as he was soaked to the bone. Kalim tried to comfort his friend as he placed flowers of hydrangeas and Sunflowers on his son's grave. Kalim turned to Jamil, to ask him to come out of the rain.

"Leave Me!" Jamil growled without looking at Kalim.

Kalim backed away as he slowly joined his wife and kids inside the house. Jamil stood over the two graves, one for Y/n Al-Asim, the other Amina Akilah.

"Please," Jamil croaked softly, " Y/n, Amina, take me with you." 

_______

[lesbianlotties]

Andromaquynh’s Story - songs

(an incomplete list of my personal favorite songs/lyrics that make me think of the immortal wives. they come with sort of very specific context for each one.)

One night, one death. Hundreds of nights, thousands of dreams. Neither of them knows, at the beginning, what the dreams mean. Soon enough though, the dreams turn into hope, into a firm belief in each other’s existence. The dreams turn into love before they even look at each other’s eyes. The dreams are everything, and the best part is that they offer the possibility of something more. aka a hundred years of yearning:

When you sleep - mary lambert

I could make you happy / I could make you love me / I could disappear completely / I could be your love song / I could be long gone / I could be a ghost in your eardrum / When you sleep, will it be with me?

I swore I saw you in a dream / All dressed in white and wide smile

How did I miss you, when I didn't know you? / How did I miss you, when I didn't know you? / How did I miss you, when I didn't know you?

Quynh had giving up. She had given up entirely and she was determined not to walk out of that desert alive. Then... Andromache. The dreams were real, the dreams were standing right in front of her in the shape of the most strikingly beautiful warrior. Suddenly nothing else mattered but their future together. Their future was sweet, like Andy’s favorite pastries that Quynh adoringly watched her enjoy. The future was endless. Because as long as they had each other to come back to, death wasn’t strong enough to take them:

Work song - hozier

And I was burning up a fever / I didn't care much how long I lived / But I swear, I thought I dreamed her / She never asked me once about the wrong I did

There's nothin' sweeter than my baby / I'd never want once from the cherry tree / 'Cause my baby's sweet as can be / She give me toothaches just from kissin' me

When, my, time comes around / Lay me gently in the cold dark earth / No grave can hold my body down / I'll crawl home to her

Then there’s Andy. Thousands of years of solitude turn to nothing the second that Quynh’s eyes meet hers. For the first time Andy allows herself to feel hope, to love and be loved without the fear of loss. In Quynh’s smile she finds purpose, joy, and everything she could ever need for eternity:

The last of the real ones - fall out boy

I was just an only child of the universe / And then I found you, and then I found you / You are the sun and I am just the planets / Spinning around you

I will shield you from the waves if they find you / I will protect you, I will protect you

I'm here, at the beginning of the end / Oh, the end of infinity with you

I'm done with having dreams, the thing that I believe / You drain the fear from me

Fear the future - st. vincent

When the Earth split in two / I was I, you were you / I run for you, run for me, too / When the wall rose and fell / And the oceans all swell / I run for you, run for me, too

Cosmonauts - fiona apple

When I met you, I was fine with my nothing / I grew with you and now I've changed / What I've become is something I can't be without your loving / Be good to me, it isn't a game

Now let me see, it's you and me, forgive, good God / How do you suppose that we'll survive?

When you resist me, hon', I cease to exist / Because I only like the way I look when looking through your eyes

There was a time when she was worshipped as a God. And, afterward, there was no way Andy believed in the gods that humans make up every now and then. That is, until the first day she gets to hold Quynh in her arms. The eyes that can render her helpless and down to her knees. The smile that makes her feel alive yet the only thing that could kill her. The skin that’s soft, that’s on fire, that’s the only truly holy place where Andy has found herself lost in. aka homoerotic religious imagery for the immortal wives:

Take me to church - hozier

She tells me "Worship in the bedroom" / The only Heaven I'll be sent to / Is when I'm alone with you

If I'm a pagan of the good times / My lover's the sunlight / To keep the goddess on my side / She demands a sacrifice / Drain the whole sea

Holy - zolita

Worship your body as you walk my way / You're the only one who can make me pray / I fall at your feet, your breath's divine / And underneath my skin's an intrinsic shrine

I'll give my soul, sacrifice me / Cause your love is holy

I'd rather drown in your ocean / Than wither on the shore / Undying devotion, feel you in my core / Veneration, this faith's got me high / Nothing without you, live for you till I die

Church - fall out boy

Time capsule for the future / Trust me, that's what I will be / Oh, the things that you do in the / Name of what you love / You are doomed but just enough

If you were church, I'd get on my knees / Confess my love, I'd know where to be / My sanctuary, you're holy to me

The witches trials. Is there anything more to say? They go in feeling invincible. Partially for their immortality, mostly because they are together. They face death while holding hands and with smiles on their faces as they’ve always had. How could they have predicted what came next?:

Which witch - florence and the machine

And it's my own heart / While tried and tested, it's mine / And it's my own heart / Trying to reach it out / And it's my own heart / Burned but not buried this time / I'm on trial, waiting 'til the beat comes out / I'm on trial, waiting 'til the beat comes out

The bottom of the ocean is cold, it is dark, the pressure is unbearable and the pain unending. If Quynh has any time to think, before dying again, it might spent blaming Andy, missing Andy, hating Andy, loving Andy, with just enough time to curse the ocean around her. aka Quynh making the most of the water/drowning theme:

What the water gave me - florence and the machine

Time it took us / To where the water was / That’s what the water gave me / And time goes quicker / Between the two of us / But oh, my love, don’t forsake me / Take what the water gave me

Hold my breath until I die - tegan and sara

Late at night, when your words are eating me alive / Does it make you sad to leave me here like that? / In my dreams, the blood runs from my eyes / If I fall, will you catch me in your arms?

If I hold my breath until I die, I’ll be alright

Pool - paramore

I’m underwater / No air in my lungs / My eyes are open / I’m done giving up / You are the wave / I could never tame / If I survive / I’ll dive back in

Dying over and over again, Quynh comes out of the ocean with a certain... clarity. Hubris, she says is their sin. They’ve never claimed to be angels, but they’ve refused to be devils, which she says they are. She may or may not believe that their real purpose is to make humans suffer. If Andromache won’t listen, she’ll have to show her what it all means. aka Quynh coming out of the ocean to shame mankind, or just Andy:

Just one yesterday - fall out boy ft. foxes

I know I’m bad news / I saved it all for you

If I spilled my guts / The world would never look at you the same way / And now I’m here to give you all of my love / So I can watch your face as I take it all away.

Five hundred years ago, Andy lost the love of her life. But she meant it when she said she lost a soldier. She was a leader, she should have been the one to face Quynh’s fate. The least she could have done was find her soon, and she failed there too. Now, if Quynh has come back full of rage, furious and thirsty for revenge, Andy is willing to accept it with open arms. She believes she deserves it:

I don’t smoke - mitski

Being with you / makes the flame burn good

So if you need to be mean / be mean to me. / I can take it and put it inside of me. / If you’re hands need to break / more than trinkets in your room / you can lean on my arm / as you break my heart.

Quynh, having escaped her underwater prison, is completely overcome with conflicting emotions. She finds Andy broken, guilty, still wearing her necklace and crying for her. But wasn’t she the one that broke their promise, stopped looking for her, gave up? Quynh, dealing with an unmeasurable and overwhelming mixture of hurt, heartbreak, love, rage, love... love and all the pain that comes with it, and how it all might lead them to a final fight with each other from which both of them can’t come out alive:

My tears ricochet - taylor swift

Even on my worst day, did I deserve, babe / All the hell you gave me? / 'Cause I loved you, I swear I loved you / 'Til my dying day

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace / And you're the hero flying around, saving face / And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake / Cursing my name, wishing I stayed / Look at how my tears ricochet

You know I didn't want to have to haunt you / But what a ghostly scene / You wear the same jewels that I gave you / As you bury me

And you can aim for my heart, go for blood / But you would still miss me in your bones

You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same

You turned into your worst fears / And you're tossing out blame, drunk on this pain / Crossing out the good years

Then, of course, there’s Andy’s side of the story. Andy, did she ever really give up? Didn’t she pray to all the gods she’s outlived? Didn’t she protect that necklace more than her own life, even now that she’s mortal? She’d be ready to offer Quynh anything, everything she wanted for a little forgiveness, for a small moment just to love each other. In the end, will it all depend on the strength of their eternal love for each other?:

Old wounds - pvris

They say don't open old wounds / But you're still brand new

I've got nothing left to lose besides you / I've already lost you once, what more could you do?

I think I could love you 'til the day that you die / If you let me love you when the timing is right / And if they said I had to, I swear I'd wait my whole life / I think I could love you 'til the day that you die

[youknow-igetit]

A playlist for our favorite mafia sports gays. songs and the meanings below the cut

1. sex - EDEN

‘Cause you said it meant nothing And I should’ve kept my silence But I guess I’m too attached to my own pride to let you know That all these words meant nothing And I’ve always been this heartless And we’re just having sex, no, I would never call it love But love Oh no, I think I’m catching feelings And I don’t know if this is empathy I feel

“This,” Neil flicked his finger to indicate the two of them, “isn’t worthless.” “There is no ‘this’. This is nothing.” “And I am nothing,” Neil prompted. When Andrew gestured confirmation, Neil said, “And as you’ve always said, you want nothing.” Andrew stared stone-faced back at him.

2. Be Kind (with Halsey) - Marshmello, Halsey

I know you need, I know you need The upper hand even when we aren’t fighting ‘Cause in the past, you had to prepare every time, yeah Don’t wanna leave, don’t wanna leave But if you’re gonna fight then do it for me I know you’re built to love, but broken now, so just try I know you’re chokin’ on your fears Already told you, I’m right here I will stay by your side every night I don’t know why you hide from the one And close your eyes to the one Mess up and lie to the one that you love When you know you can cry to the one Always confide in the one You can be kind to the one that you love

“No one’s said a word to them since they said we couldn’t see you.“ Nathaniel’s heart skipped a beat. The heat that gnawed at his chest was an ugly mix of gratitude and shame. He tried to speak but had to clear his throat before trying again. “But why? I’ve done nothing but lie to them. I willingly put them all in danger so I could play a little longer. They got hurt last night because of me. Why would they protect me now?” “You are a Fox,” Andrew said, like it was that simple, and maybe it was. Nathaniel dropped his eyes and worked his jaw, fighting for a center he was quickly losing hold of.

3. I Think I’m OKAY (with YUNGBLUD & Travis Barker) - Machine Gun Kelly

I guess it’s just my life and I can take it if I wanna But I cannot hide in hills of California Because these hills have eyes, and I got paranoia I hurt myself sometimes, is that too scary for you? Watch me, take a good thing and fuck it all up in one night Catch me, I’m the one on the run away from the headlights No sleep, up all week wasting time with people I don’t like I think that something’s fucking wrong with me

“Trust you.” Andrew enunciated each word like he’d never heard them before. He laughed curled his fingers tight around Neil’s chin. “You lie, and lie, and lie, and you think I’ll trust you with his life?” “Then don’t trust ‘Neil’,” Neil said. “Trust me.” “Oh, but who are you? Do you have a name?” “If you need one, call me Abram.” “Should I believe that?” “I’m named after my father,” Neil said. “Abram is my middle name; it’s the name my mother used when she was trying to protect me from his work.” It was the name he went by at his little league practices so the coach would actually let him play. It was strange hearing it aloud when no one had called Neil “Abram” in eight years. “Ask Kevin if you don’t believe me. He would know.” “Maybe I will.” Neil waited, but Andrew didn’t let go. With so many people watching them Neil couldn’t lift his shirt. He did the next best thing and dragged one of Andrew’s hands under the hem. He pressed Andrew’s palm to the ugly scarring across his abdomen. Andrew’s eyes dropped to Neil’s shirt like he could see Neil’s marred skin through the dark cotton. “Do you understand?” Neil asked. “Nothing Riko does will make me leave him. We will both be here when you get back.” Andrew’s fingers twitched against Neil’s skin. “Someone lied to me. These ouches feel a little rough for a child on the run.”

4. Lover of Mine - 5 Seconds of Summer

Lead to where your secrets are Where we’ve been a thousand times Swallow every single lie Take all of me

When I take a look at my life And all of my crimes You’re the only thing that I think I got I right I’ll never give you away

“It’s always been ‘go’,” Neil said. He turned his hand palm-up and traced a key into his skin with his fingertip. He’d toyed with Andrew’s house key so many times he knew every dip and ridge by heart. “It’s always been ‘lie’ and ‘hide’ and ‘disappear’. I’ve never belonged anywhere or had the right to call anything my own. But Coach gave me keys to the court, and you told me to stay. You gave me a key and called it home.” Neil clenched his hand, imagining the bite of metal against his palm, and lifted his gaze to Andrew’s face. “I haven’t had a home since my parents died.”

5. Vowels (and the Importance of Being Me) - HUNNY

I was a queen last night I said “Take to the water” And let you drink my lies Like, “Okay, you’re right” You can’t spell pain or kiss Or run away or little mistake Without me, or A, E, I, O, U

“I’ll always have and be nothing.“ Andrew reached up and forcibly uncurled Neil’s fingers from his mouth. He pushed Neil’s hand out of the way and stared Neil down with nothing between them. Neil didn’t understand the look on his face. There was no censure over Neil’s crooked parents or pity for their deaths, no triumph over having backed Neil into admitting so much, and no obvious skepticism for such an outlandish story. Whatever this look was, it was dark and intense enough to swallow Neil whole.

6. BLUE - Troye Sivan

I can’t say no Though the lights are on There’s nobody home Swore I’d never lose control Then I fell in love with a heart that beats so slow I want you I’ll color me blue Anything it takes to make you stay Only seeing myself When I’m looking up at you

Nathaniel watched until the hotel disappeared out the window, then looked to Andrew and asked in German, “Can I really be Neil again?” “I told Neil to stay,” Andrew said. “Leave Nathaniel buried in Baltimore with his father.” Nathaniel looked out the window again and wondered if that was possible. He knew in a sense he could never really leave Nathaniel behind. Even if Stuart could talk the Moriyamas down, they’d all know Nathan’s child was alive and kicking. Nathaniel would always be a security risk to them. But the thought was thrilling and chilling in turns, and Nathaniel turned his hand over to consider his palm. He traced Andrew’s key into his skin with a bandaged finger. “Neil Abram Josten,” Neil murmured, and it felt like waking up from a bad dream.

7. Some Kind of Disaster - All Time Low

I wore the crown, I sold the lie I lived the life and paid for every crime, yeah It’s all downhill 'til it’s a climb Through blood and tears, but I don’t mind I’ll just keep singing on and on and on And it’s all my fault that I’m still the one you want 'Cause I’m a liar, I’m a cynic I’m a sinner, I’m a saint I’m a loser, I’m a critic I’m the ghost of my mistakes And it’s all my fault that I’m still the one you want So what are you after? Some kind of disaster

Andrew pressed two fingers to the underside of Nathaniel’s chin to turn his head. Nathaniel let himself be guided and said nothing while Andrew looked his fill. When Andrew dropped his hand and clenched it in Nathaniel’s hoodie, Nathaniel risked looking back at him. There was violence in Andrew’s eyes, but at least he hadn’t shoved Nathaniel away yet. That had to count for something. "I’m sorry,” Nathaniel said. Andrew’s fist went back, but he didn’t take the swing. Nathaniel knew it wasn’t because that was the hand cuffed to Wymack; Andrew’s arm actually shook with the effort it took to not knock Nathaniel’s head off his neck. Nathaniel said nothing to tip the balance either way. At length Andrew uncurled his fingers and let his hand hang limp from the cuff. “Say it again and I will kill you,” he said.

8. The Space Between A Rock and a Hard Place - 5 Seconds of Summer

Faded, I’m wrapped in your arms While you’re waiting to tear me apart With a last kiss, you leave me wanting more You, you’re a catch 22 Win or lose, I’m screwed I’m trapped under your spell It saves me, breaks me 'til I fall back to you You’re a catch 22

“You are a Fox. You are always going to be nothing.” Andrew stubbed his cigarette out. “I hate you.” “Nine percent of the time you don’t.” “Nine percent of the time I don’t want to kill you. I always hate you.” “Every time you say that I believe you a little less.” “No one asked you.” With that, Andrew caught Neil’s face in his hands and leaned in. Nicky’s drugged assault aside, Neil hadn’t kissed anyone in four years. The last girl was a scrawny French-Canadian who’d held him with just her fingertips and kissed like she was afraid of smudging her tacky-bright lipstick. Neil couldn’t remember her name or face anymore. He remembered only how unsatisfying the illicit encounter had been and how furious his mother was when she found them. That awkward peck wasn’t worth the punishment that had followed. This was nothing like that. Andrew kissed him like this was a fight with their lives on the line, like his world stopped and started with Neil’s mouth. Neil’s heart stuttered to a stop at the first hard press of lips against his and he reached up without thinking. His hand made it as far as Andrew’s jaw before he remembered Andrew didn’t like to be touched. Neil caught hold of Andrew’s coat sleeve instead and knotted his fingers in the heavy wool. The touch was a trigger. Andrew leaned back just enough to say, “Tell me no.” Neil’s lips were sore; his skin was buzzing. He felt winded, like he’d survived a half-marathon. He felt strong, like he could run another five more. Panic threatened to tear his stomach to shreds. Common sense said to refuse this and retreat before they both did something they’d regret. But Renee said Andrew regretted nothing, and Neil wouldn’t live long enough for it to matter. He hadn’t figured out which way to lean before Andrew pried Neil’s hand off his coat.

9. Medication - YUNGBLUD

You cannot pretend there’s no dirt on your shirt 'Cause that’s not how it works, that’s not how it works You try to perceive that you’re so squeaky clean But that’s not how it works, that’s not that’s not how it works

“I’m not going to apologize for thinking you’re being idiotic.” “Is your spine the spine of the righteous?” Andrew wondered. “Are you trying your best to step on my toes because you’re feeling the tragic weight of the holier than thou?”

10. Take Yourself Home - Troye Sivan

Talk to me There’s nothing that can’t be fixed with some honesty And how it got this dark is just beyond to me If anyone can hear me switch the lights I’m tired of the city Scream if you’re with me If I’m gonna die, let’s die somewhere pretty

“Don’t dismiss me for lying to you then ignore me when I tell the truth.” “This is not truth,” Andrew said. “Truth is irrefutable and untainted by bias. Sunrise, Abram, death: these are truths. You cannot judge a problem with your obsession goggles on and call it truth. You aren’t fooling either of us.”

11. Trouble Is - All Time Low

All that I know is I just can’t say no to you Funny how things never change All that I wanted was just to get over you Trouble is I can’t find a way You’re part of me

Andrew bit the question into the corner of Neil’s jaw. “Yes or no?” “It’s always yes with you,” Neil said. “Except when it’s no,” Andrew said. Neil put a plastic-wrapped finger to Andrew’s chin, guiding his head up for another kiss. “If you have to keep asking because—I’ll answer it as many times as you ask. But this is always going to be yes.” “Don’t ‘always’ me.” “Don’t ask for the truth if you’re just going to dilute it.”

12. Safety Pin - 5 Seconds of Summer

No more waiting, we can save us from falling This time, maybe this time We’ll safety-pin the pieces of our broken hearts back together Patching up all the holes until we both feel much better Deleted things, I really meant So now I’ll say the things I never sent

Neil remembered too well what it was like to say goodbye. He remembered what it was like saying hello again. A hint of Friday’s panic and outrage flickered in his chest, hot enough to burn the air from his lungs. He didn’t know what this thing between them was anymore. He didn’t know what he wanted or needed it to be. He just knew he had to hold on for as long as he could. “You are a mess,” Andrew said against Neil’s lips. “What else is new?”

13. My My My! - Troye Sivan

Spark up, buzz cut I’ve got my tongue between your teeth Go slow, no, no, go fast You like it just as much as me Now, let’s stop running from love Running from love Let’s stop, my baby Let’s stop running from us Running from us Let’s stop, my baby Oh my, my, my! I die every night with you Oh my, my, my! Living for your every move

Time was nothing. Seconds were days, were years, were the breaths that caught between their mouths and the bite of Neil’s fingernails against his palms, the scrape of teeth against his lower lip and the warm slide of a tongue against his. He could feel Andrew’s heartbeat thrumming against his wrists, a staccato rhythm that echoed in Neil’s veins. How a man who viewed the world with such studied disconnect could kiss like this, Neil didn’t know, but he wasn’t going to complain. Neil had forgotten what it was like to be touched without malicious intent. He’d forgotten what body heat felt like. Everything about Andrew was hot, from the hands holding him down to the mouth steadily taking Neil apart. Neil finally understood why his mother thought this was so dangerous. This was distraction and indiscretion, avoidance and denial. It was letting his guard down, letting someone in, and taking comfort in something he shouldn’t have and couldn’t keep. Right now, Neil needed it too much to care.

[hecohansen31]

Don’t Fight Fire With A Sword

Alfred The Great + Kathleen (OC)

“Bite my tongue, bide my time Wearing a warning sign Wait ‘til the world is mine”

“You should see me in a crown” by Billie Ellish.

(A/N): Hello there, lovelies!

So a few weeks ago, I had a bit of a writer block towards the ‘To Kill a King’ series, and I have to say that sadly I just felt like I couldn’t write it, but at the same time… I wanted to writ that world…

At the same time, I developed a small crush on our Alfie boy over here (l am an whore for men with long hair, don’t judge me) and I just felt like I had to do something about it.

So I created this small spin-off series to the main one, you don’t have to have read the first series to read this (although I’d suggest it), and neither you have to read this to continue the series.

It is my first ever OC insert, so please be kind!

SUMMARY:  Trying desperately to save their sister, Kathleen and Abigail slowly try their best to come up with a plan to open the eyes of king Alfred, but not everything is as easy as it seems. ... even more when feelings are involved.

WORDS: 3K

WARNINGS: Mention of Violence and Domestic Abuse, Court Plotting, Arranged Marriage, Historically Inaccurate and maybe character being a bit OOC (I am sorry for that).

Kathleen couldn’t just realize that you wouldn’t have been there anymore.

It had all hit her when she had gone back to retrieve some book from your room, shouting lovingly ‘to get your butt up’, because it was morning and you’d be missing breakfast.

It was unlike you not to be already awake, but maybe you had fallen asleep with a book over your head, which shielded you from the sun peaking through the curtains.

It had happened only once before.

But it had happened.

She had shouted your name, giggling silly till realization had hit her: you were gone.

You were in a Viking camping, scared and alone, probably under the hands of a vengeful husband, made to act like nothing more than a trophy.

She just couldn’t believe it.

She just…

She couldn’t breathe.

Abigail found her by the end of your made-up bed, empty, although your scent still stood in the air.

Her sister gently cradled her in her arms, almost motherly.

Although Abigail had been the youngest of them and had never known her mother, she acted in such a motherly way that made her much more grown up than her fourteen-year old body.

Kathleen had never known if it was that lacking of a mother figure that had imposed such a growth on her lithe body or if it was the fact that neither you or Kathleen had ever donned her with the same attention you had for each other.

Although you were a strong trio, the power claims and boundaries had been set before you by your own father and your mother’s death had only certified them.

You would have never accused Abigail of being the death of your mother, but she had been largely weighted down by the pregnancy, enough that you spent every living minute with her, ignoring the squealing baby in the crib next to her.

This had probably prompted Abigail to create a personality that would make nobody forget her, energetic and positive, completely clashing with your silent one and Kathleen’s rightful one.

And although Kathleen dreaded the thought, she almost hoped it would have been Abigail the one chosen by Ivar.

Did that make her a horrible sister?

She hadn’t even been able to stop her sister from her own unhappiness.

“… I know what you are doing here” mumbled Abigail, stealing her from her thoughts “… I also woke up thinking… wishing she was still there”.

“It smells like her” Kathleen’s voice croaked lightly, made rough by the commotion and the tears shining in her eyes as she raised her head to meet Abigail’s “… I just… two days ago she was here… and now…”.

A choked sob, forced her head down, hiding her own fault.

“… now she is a wife of a prince” completed softly Abigail, taking her hand, a steady look of gentleness on her face and for a moment Kathleen was reminded of her mother’s soft gaze “… I know that you think she is unsafe, but you heard his promise… he won’t hurt her”.

“Father did the same promise to mother, in front of our own God!” shouted back Kathleen, pushing herself closer to a trembling Abigail, who backed up lightly “… you know how fickle the world of a man is”.

“He isn’t our father” spoke Abigail, something whispered in her tone, completely aware that she wouldn’t be able to change Kathleen’s word.

“You are right” replied the older sister, adjusting herself to be sat onto your empty trunk, the only one left in the room, not a single thing reminding her of you, except the precious smell, something darker than you looked “… he is worse”.

Abigail just shook her head, huffing a loud sigh, before she turned, moving to your desk, freed of any paper that stood on it, as she also sat down, but decided to change the topic of your discourse.

Abigail would have made the perfect court wife: poised, gracious and smart enough to know when to talk back, she would have made much more of a trophy for a king.

But Kathleen couldn’t help but think that with what Ivar had in mind, he had chosen the quiet sister for a reason.

And she couldn’t still understand whether it was to humiliate the Saxons or for some genuine emotion.

The one he had seen in his eyes as he swore that he wouldn’t have hurt his sister.

‘Can you keep a promise, my prince?’ she had wanted to reply, but Heahmund had stilled her movements and words with a steely gaze, almost already saying ‘I’ll have to report this to the king’.

She had almost wanted to give him the finger and tell him to report that.

‘You are a man without honor, Heahmund, all you have is your God’ she had uttered as he had helped her out of the chariot, before her and Abigail ran to their rooms, locking themselves inside.

“… what do you think that we are to do without (Y/N)?” asked Abigail, so casually, inspecting her nails, but Kathleen could see the effort in her body to keep such a trivial pose.

“What we could do is take over this damn castle and storm the army to the camping to get back our sister” her tone held a white rage and a conviction that scared Abigail, as fear showed in her eyes and she adjusted herself to face her sibling.

“… something that we can actually do, Kathleen” the way she pronounced her name, spoke of her annoyance to the entire plan and to her desperate resistance to embrace the truth and the reality.

Again, Abigail was the mature one, if you were gone.

“I am not joking, Abigail” she commented her tone moving to sarcastic determination “… you can raise your skirts and distract the soldier, as I ran father through my…”.

“That’s murder, Kathleen” now Abigail seemed disappointed, her tone switching to an accusing one “It’s our father, Kathleen!”.

“For all I care he is no father of mine” and she had come closer to a trembling Abigail “… fathers would never sell their daughter to the best price or hit them... they should protect them…”.

Something had broken in that moment in Abigail’s eyes.

Although you and Abigail were all aware that Kathleen’s bruises weren’t because of her clumsiness, you were the sole one who knew that they were willingly inflicted as a torture by your father.

Abigail had always been kept in the shadows.

An uncomfortable silence settled between the two of them, and Abigail seemed to simply be able to shift in her chair, showing her uneasiness, not knowing whether she should have comforted Kathleen or… simply forget about what she had just said.

“… I might have a plan” Abigail commented softly, her tone too similar to a whisper “… prince Alfred will be here tonight”.

“Those phrases just don’t match together” mumbled Kathleen, surly, sucking lightly on her bottom lip “… so I don’t think that you have a plan”.

“The only person who can exceed our father is Alfred, you know it” Abigail explained softly, uncaring of her sister’s tone “… we just need to convince him that our sister never wanted any of this”.

“… and then he’ll say the word and we’ll have our sister back in our arms” mumbled Kathleen with a silly tone, before glaring her way “… this is a very doable plan indeed”.

“I know that I am not nearly as smart as… (Y/N)” now her sister was fidgeting with her hands and Kathleen couldn’t help but realize that maybe… just maybe… she had used the wrong tone with her poor sister, who was just trying to help her “… but I am trying my best here”.

“I am sorry” commented softly Kathleen, coming closer to her, as she moved her hands onto her shoulders “… it is just… this entire thing is making me…”.

“… nervous” completed softly Abigail “… oh, I hadn’t noticed it”.

“Didn’t know you had this ‘tricky’ side to you, sister” Kathleen couldn’t help but move her lips in a silly smile.

“… well somebody had to be the ‘humorous sister’ “ also her smile was small, but it still shone, as her sister put an hand over Kathleen’s “… now let’s get breakfast, we can think about some plans to take back our sister with our stomach full”.

“That, sister, is an amazing idea”.

---

Although Abigail’s idea had distracted Kathleen for enough time to actually consider the ‘Alfred idea’ that dreading feeling of not having done enough was now mixed with the knowledge of having ignored her smaller sister.

And that she had been the one who had taken in a protector role for this entire shit.

Kathleen was basically failing greatly at being an older sister.

And this made her think about all she had always feared of becoming: her father.

She had always been constantly scared of following in her father’s footsteps, a failure to her own family with a heart of ice.

Although her father had always despised her, he had trained her to become him one day.

His wife hadn’t given him any male heirs, but he had made everything in his power to obtain his future role for his daughter, maybe adjusting a puppet king next to her, but it would have been his bloodline that ruled.

Even if he had to put on the throne the daughter he had always hated.

He had always had some kind of appreciation for you and Abigail.

You had been the one who had won him over a treaty with Vikings and Abigail was the perfect wife material, and Kathleen was surprised he wasn’t allowing any suitor to court her yet.

But he had always hated Kathleen.

She was the useless first daughter, too stubborn for a husband and too bold for his liking.

Unlike you or Abigail she didn’t back down from a fight and didn’t know when to hold herself back.

She was a thorn in his side.

And yet he had downed every small lesson onto her.

He was a cruel man, rightful in his mind and cruel in everyone else’s.

And Kathleen couldn’t help but think the same of herself.

And when she felt like that, all she could do was fight her mind till it exhausted itself and no thought appeared in it, in a blankness of it that made only her body memory guide her.

The sword Ivar had gifted back to her was beautiful, but she hadn’t been able to use it, since it almost seemed some kind of perverse deal back for her own sister.

She preferred to use the consumed wooden sword she used for practice, twirling it around with expertise, as she remembered the pose and tried out a quick fighting with an imaginary enemy.

… till it become a real enemy.

A dark-haired boy was staring at her from the threshold of her room and immediately she thought it was a simple servant, but then as she looked closer at him, she found out that he was dressed in impeccable clothes.

Definitely not a servant.

“… I… I meant no harm, princess” he spoke slowly and slowly she recognized that voice and were shocked to discover that who you had in front of you was king Alfred, having gained quite the not impressive moustache and lost his luxurious hair “… I just do think that I lost the reunion room, princess Abigail gave me precise instructions, still…”.

At the mention of Abigail, Kathleen almost huffed, lowering her sword and bowing lightly her head, before muttering a simple ‘it’s an honor, prince Alfred’.

“… I do think that you mistook the left and right, my room is on the left and the reunion room is on the right” her tone was algid and the boy seemed almost shook by it, trembling lightly, before he reassumed a tight posture.

“… ahh yeah, I must have… I am sorry, my princess again” and he made to exit but Kathleen thought that there wouldn’t be a better chance for them two to talk and to prove to Abigail that she trusted her and cared for her opinion.

“Prince Alfred, might we have a private word, later?” he seemed shocked and immediately puffed up his chest as any mate ready to court a female did, just to be shot down by another glare of yours “… about statecraft and my sister”.

“Oh, I talked with Abigail, she see…”.

“My sister, (Y/N)”.

“Ohhhhh….”.

How the hell was she supposed to save your sister with the help of this idiot.

“… I usually take a small stroll in the garden after lunch to help digestion, you should join me”.

And like that she slammed the door in his face.

She had a diplomatic date to attend.

---

“You are not the humorous sister, you are the cunning one” mumbled Kathleen as she came by Abigail in the dining room, the maids quickly excusing themselves as their meals waited steaming on the table.

“Oh c’mon! You should have expected that I wouldn’t have relented so quickly” commented Abigail, quickly moving to the table and eating a small bite of food with her own hands.

“… you should have handled Alfred” mumbled her sister sticking on the threshold of the door “… I am not good with men I have no patience for fickle things”.

“Well sadly sister, you are the older one, he’ll believe you more” she muttered softly, and Kathleen couldn’t help but be impressed by how thoughtful her younger sister could be, almost more mature than her.

Not that it took too much.

“… I’ll ruin it” she insisted, but Abigail had already started eating fiercely and even the greatest warrior would have been discouraged from distracting her from eating.

“Just look at him in the eyes, meanwhile he says how strong he is” she suggested softly, between a few bites in a very unladylike way.

“… I’ll more likely throw up”.

“Not on his polished boots”.

Kathleen let out a small laugh, before moving to sit beside the sister, gently reaching out for her hand.

“… you are a true blessing Abigail”

“… never thought you’d say that, did you?” teased her Abigail, but gripped back her hand “… now let’s practice what will happen between you”.

---

Kathleen had almost forgotten the walk as she had had too many laughs with Abigail and when the bell of memory had rung in her mind and she had rushed in the gardens, almost tripping a few maids, as Abigail followed her desperately, trying to stop her.

‘Your braid is completely disrupted! And don’t trip in …’ and Kathleen had almost fallen down the stairs indeed ‘… your skirts’.

‘I’ll adjust it as soon as I can’ she had screamed back but had barely been able to tuck in her hair before prince Alfred had also barged in her, almost crashing in her.

“Two times in a row, king Alfred, somebody will think that you are courting me” and from the blush on his face you had hit some sore spot.

“… I… I actually was expecting somebody to watch over us” he mumbled softly, adjusting his own royal robes, and you just looked up at the small tower from which Abigail was spying on you.

“Don’t worry, our loyal and just God will look at us from above” and like that you had yanked on his arm to make him start moving before your father realized your absences.

A control maniac like him would have hated it.

“… you don’t… that seems a bit insulting” he replied lightly, raising an eyebrow.

“Are you going to tell Father Peter?” you joked back “… because I was never his favorite, I constantly annoyed him with silly questions as if you are supposed to seriously stone a woman if she decides that she has enough of having one man”.

“I take it that you don’t believe in God’s rightful law”.

“I do believe in it” Kathleen mumbled, turning to look at Alfred with a stern look, one that would have put the fear of God in each man “… I just think that some of it is ridiculous”.

“… what about the one where it says that men should pluck out their eyes if they ever stare upon a woman?”.

The entire phrase took her aback.

But she hid it well, although on Alfred’s face appeared a victorious smirk.

“… you have read the Bible, good for you”

“Are you educated to such disrespect or are you simply made this way, princess Kathleen?” he spoke lightly, that hideous victorious smirk on his face lighting up his face.

And for a minute she couldn’t help but think about how handsome he looked.

“I was dropped on the head as a child” she shot back “… what is the excuse for your dullness, my king?”.

You were half-expecting him to faint for your boldness, but he simply started laughing loudly, having to crouch down to calm his breath as Kathleen almost wondered whether she should have done something.

But then again, king Alfred’s eyes caught her, this time actually making you back up at the intensity of his stare, such a genuine and natural look in the shining pools of light that Kathleen almost wondered whether he was an angel with no wings.

“… you are one of a kind, princess Kathleen” he mumbled, as his laugh disappeared from his tone in a softer one “… you ask me to meet here unattended and believe me I thought you’d try to seduce me..”.

“Don’t flatter yourself my king, I have better taste” shot immediately back Kathleen.

“… and then you insult me” he smirked, ignoring completely Kathleen’s statement and reaching softly for her hand “… you have me completely enchanted, my princess”.

And he wasn’t lying by the laughing and adoring glance he sent to her.

And for a moment Kathleen understood why women liked fickle things as men.

If they looked at them like that…

It made her feel powerful, but also comfortable…

“… I hope I have your ears, because I need to talk with you, my king”.

---

@queenboosha​ @lovelylangdonx​ @rls905​

[drabbleideas]

Lyrics Prompt List

1. “The pictures that you sent me, they're still living in my phone, I admit I like to see them, I'll admit I feel alone.” – [Amnesia – 5 Seconds of Summer]

2. “How many times will you let me change my mind and turn around? I can't decide if I'll let you save my life or if I'll drown.” – [Arms – Christina Perri]

3. “Can't find a reason for these feelings Clouding up above me Cause God—he told me Said he's gonna send me something lovely.” – [Around My Head – Cage the Elephant]

4. “You just want attention, you don't want my heart Maybe you just hate the thought of me with someone new Yeah, you just want attention, I knew from the start You're just making sure I'm never gettin' over you.” – [Attention – Charlie Puth]

5. “Another day, and I’m somewhere new I made a promise that I’ll come home soon Bring me back, bring me back to you.” – [Beside You – 5 Seconds of Summer]

6. “And this is how it feels when I ignore the words you spoke to me, And this is where I lose myself when I keep running away from you! And this is who I am when, when I don't know myself anymore, And this is what I choose when it's all left up to me.” – [Breathe Into Me – RED]

7. “The rain is falling on my window pane But we are hiding in a safer place Under covers, staying dry and warm You give me feelings that I adore.” – [Bubbly – Colbie Caillat]

8. “I tell myself, 'cause every second like this feels like hell Are these words that you gave me real? I can't tell... It doesn't matter, 'cause nothing matters I'll see you again in a dream so far away...” – [Circles – YusukeKira]

9. “You are my getaway You are my favorite place We put the world away Yeah we're so disconnected.” – [Disconnected – 5 Seconds of Summer]

10. “It's all ending I gotta stop pretending who we are You and me I can see us dying, are we?” – [Don’t Speak – No Doubt]

11. “I want you for a lifetime So if you're gonna think twice, baby I don't wanna know, baby, I don't wanna know.” – [Don’t Think Twice – Utada Hikaru]

12. “You won't go lonely into this fight If you just hold me we will survive.” [Every Time the Rain Comes Down – Anna Blue]

13. “This is not what I intended I always swore to you I'd never fall apart You always thought that I was stronger I may have failed, but I have loved you from the start.” – [Fall For You – Secondhand Serenade]

14. “I won't wait for you forever, for you forever So, don't you say it's for the better, it's for the better 'Cause I can't take later than never, later than never No, I won't wait for you forever.” [For You Forever – Set It Off]

15. “So I drown it out like I always do Dancing through our house With the ghost of you.” – [Ghost of You – 5 Seconds of Summer]

16. “So I'll be waiting for the real thing I'll know it by the feeling The moment when we're meeting Will play out like a scene straight off the silver screen.” – [Gotta Be Somebody – Nickelback]

17. “Why do you put me on a pedestal? I'm so up high that I can't see the ground below So help me down you've got it wrong, I don't belong there.” – [Halo – Haley James Scott]

18. “I don't care what people say when we're together You know I wanna be the one to hold you when you sleep I just want it to be you and I forever I know you wanna leave So c'mon baby be with me so happily.” – [Happily – One Direction]

19. “I might be selfish but I’ve given up on everything Your pain is my new drug And guess what, I am getting fuckin’ high.” – [Hurt you – Phedora]

20. “The world slows down But my heart beats fast right now I know this is the part Where the end starts.” – [I Hate This Part – The Pussycat Dolls]

21. “Love of mine, someday you will die But I'll be close behind and I'll follow you into the dark No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white Just our hands clasped so tight, waiting for the hint of a spark.” – [I Will Follow You Into the Dark – Death Cab for Cutie]

22. “I warned myself that I shouldn't play with fire But I can tell that I'll do it one more time.” – [I Warned Myself – Charlie Puth]

23. “Is it wrong for me to not want half? I want all of you, all the strings attached.” – [If I Can’t Have you – Shawn Mendes]

24. “Keep telling me that it gets better Does it ever?” – [In My Blood – Shawn Mendes]

25. “Bask in the glory Of all our problems 'Cause we got the kind of love It takes to solve 'em.” – [Issues – Julia Michaels]

26. “You see her when you close your eyes Maybe one day you'll understand why Everything you touch surely dies.” – [Let Her Go – The Passengers]

27. “Our memories are just a kiss away I'm still in love with every word you say.” – [Like the Way I Do – Cascada]

28. “Well, my girl's in the next room Sometimes I wish she was you I guess we never really moved on.” – [Lips of an Angel – Hinder]

29. “Let’s raise a glass or two To all the things I’ve lost on you Tell me are they lost on you? Just that you could cut me loose After everything I’ve lost on you Is that lost on you?” – [Lost On You – LP]

30. “I still wear your t-shirt out All the ink is faded now I wonder who you're dreaming of tonight.” – [On Your Side – The Veronicas]

31.“The darkest night never felt so bright with you by my side.” – [Outer Space/Carry On – 5 Seconds of Summer]

32. “Don’t give up Don’t give in to fear Even when I’m gone I will still be here.” – [SOS – Elizaveta]

33. “You already know that you’re my weakness After all this time I’m just as nervous Every time you walk into the room I’m speechless.” – [Speechless – Dan + Shay]

34. “So say the word and I'll be running back to find you A thousand armies won't stop me I'll break through I'll soar the endless skies for only one sight Of your starlight.” – [Starlight – Starset]

35. “If You can calm the raging sea You can calm the storm in me You're never too far away You never show up too late.” – [Stars – Skillet]

36.   “Some things just, some things just make sense And one of those is you and I.” [Still Into You – Paramore]

37. “I never needed anything from you And all I ever asked was for the truth You showed your tongue and it was forked in two Your venom was lethal, I almost believed you.” – [Take What You Want – Post Malone]

38. “Call me in the morning to apologize Every little lie gives me butterflies Something in the way you’re looking through my eyes Don’t know if I’m gonna make it out alive.” – [Teeth – 5 Seconds of Summer]

39. “I wish that I could take you to the stars I’d never let you fall and break your heart And if you wanna cry or fall apart I’ll be there to hold you.” – [Through the Dark – One Direction]

40. “All those crazy things we did Didn’t think about it, just went with it You’re always there, you’re everywhere But right now I wish you were here.” – [Wish You Were Here – Avril Lavigne]

41. “And when you come my heart will be waiting To make sure that you’re never alone There and then all my dreams will come true, dear There and then I will make you my own.” – [Moondance – Michael Bublé]

42. “With each word your tenderness grows Tearing my fears apart And that laugh that wrinkles your nose Touches my foolish heart.” – [The Way You Look Tonight – Michael Bublé]

43. “I’m sorry that I hurt you It’s something I must live with everyday And all the pain I put you through I wish I could take it all away.” – [The Reason – Hoobastank]

44. “All my life I thought it’d be hard to find The one ‘til I found you And I find it bittersweet ‘Cause you gave me something to lose.” – [Love Someone – Lukas Graham]

45. “I wouldn’t even know what love is If we never met.” – [If We Never Met – John Kricfalusi]

46. “I know we didn't end it like we're supposed to And now we get a bit tense I wonder if my mind just leaves out all the bad parts I know we didn't make sense.” – [What A Time – Julia Michaels]

47. “Would you rescue me? Would you get my back? Would you take my call when I start to crack? Would you rescue me?” – [Rescue Me – OneRepublic]

48. “And I tend to close my eyes when it hurts sometimes I fall into your arms I'll be safe in your sound 'til I come back around.” – [Someone You Loved – Lewis Capaldi]

49. “I'll reach my hands out in the dark And wait for yours to interlock I'll wait for you.” – [Don’t Give Up On Me – Andy Grammer]

50. “You're never gonna get it I'm a hazard to myself I'll break it to you easy This is hell, this is hell.” – [You Don’t Have to Dance – Andy Black]

[soveryanon]

Reviewing time for MAG153! … Abridged version because I messed up my planning orz

- And we finally got an actual Corruption statement this season!! You made it into season 4, babe!!

I like how its Crawling Moment Of Awesomeness came little by little:

(MAG140) BASIRA: Er… Jon. What’s this. [DRY SOUND] ARCHIVIST: Mm? … Oh. That’s… [SILENCE] That, uh, that’s… my rib? BASIRA: … Right. [PUTS IT DOWN] ARCHIVIST: Yup… BASIRA: And… the jar of ashes. ARCHIVIST: Not– Not mine; I–I mean, it belongs to me, I–I guess, but it’s not… Er, stationery is in the other drawer?

(MAG145) ARTHUR: [SNORT] Slumlording over a nest. GERTRUDE: Oh. A nest of… what? ARTHUR: Found a mass of the Crawling Rot growing, a while back. Managed to get a hold of the property before it became too big. Gotta wait ‘til it blossoms before we can properly burn it.

(MAG152) HELEN: Hello, Jon. Been a while since you’ve been down here. ARCHIVIST: [ANGRY EXHALE] I didn’t come here to see you. HELEN: Oh, come now. I’m sure I’m more interesting company than the late Jane Prentiss. ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] … It’s all that left of her now. Apart from a… jar of ashes in my desk. Just a circle of rotten stone on an otherwise… unremarkable wall.

(MAG153) ARCHIVIST: This, well… The Corruption at work, if I had to guess, though with unsettling echoes of a… “Fleshliness”.

Jane, The Hive, Jane&The Hive, and now The Corruption for itself.

It’s… an obvious things given Smirke’s name for it (well, at least Gerry’s), but one of the things I find very interesting with Corruption is how it… does that. Rather than insects for themselves, it “corrupts” something, quite often perceived as “pure” and/or “absolute”: Jane craving for “something beyond [her]self” (MAG032), the malarial research turning horribly badly (MAG045), Private Amherst giving his bed to the injured soldiers who needed it more than him (MAG068), little Gordon helping the old Maggie (MAG084), Lester Chang’s not-that-healthy new relationship with his father-in-law and his subsequent obsession for cleanliness (MAG093), Benoît Maçon’s desperation for love (MAG102), Jon’s third victim from season 4 (MAG146: “A man rejected by all who knew him, searching ever-darker places for love. When he told me his story, he started… weeping maggots.”), The Divine Chain cult turning the notion of selfless love into a requirement (MAG153)… which tied in with everything turning Wrong when the dog “Agapē” joined it and that so-called ~pure~ love just opened the door for… spooks.

- But also:

(MAG153, Barbara Mullen-Jones) “I hit my “lowest point” when I turned 41. That’s when my life came crashing down; at least on the inside. From the outside, I’m sure everything looked… pretty much okay. I was getting gigs, I had a job, I had plenty of friends and a supportive family… But that was when I started to properly look at my life, and I… really didn’t like what was looking back…! I was a stand-up comedian, you see, and a really good one. That’s not boasting, that’s just the truth. And I’d always assumed that that was enough to eventually have real success. And for the first… ten years, it seemed like I was right. I worked my way up, performed for basically nothing basically every night, and got to be pretty successful.

… And I stayed that way for the next ten years. [SIGH]

Trouble is, do you know how much a “pretty successful comedian” makes? Let’s just say I had a full-time office job and was still barely making rent. But between working full-time and gigging full-time, I just kept putting off everything else in my life. Always so sure the big time was just around the corner. “This is the TV spot that gets me noticed.” “This is the sell-out fringe show that makes me mainstream.” “This is the deal that actually goes somewhere.”

I made it through turning 40 with my self-image intact, but for some reason, at 41 I just… cracked. I realised I had spent most of my life with nothing to show for it but a few awards no one cares about, a string of… awful comedian exes who broke up with me for being funnier than them… and a dreadful office job [SIGH] I was going to be working until I died, because I’d never bothered to build a stable career. I was never going to own a home; never going to have kids; never going to have the life I’d spent my entire youth sacrificing for.”

… Yes, I know I just quoted the whole beginning of the statement but: a lot of the RQ crew and their friends are comedians, sooo, uhhh. RQ folks, are you okay.

- Abridged version as promised, but things I liked: how you could understand why the statement-giver got wrapped up in the cult, but also how… she didn’t really belong there indeed, because she was mostly focusing on the form of it (the kind words, the contact, the work in itself, the wine production), like she was attracted to the gratuitous symbolisms around the meditation course, but not truly receptive to… the meat of things, what was behind the shape of it, what was at the core?

How she was, at the end, extremely petty about the cult’s failure (“There’s a part of me that’s glad. A sick little part that’s happy that whatever “love” was there, whatever I couldn’t be a part of, is gone from the world. And no one else gets it either.”).

How, oops, a fair amount of officers in the American police may have signed their local equivalent of a Section 31 form… or else, Gertrude or Adelard had been around, because explosives (“The compound was destroyed in an “accidental generator explosion”, and everything was gone.”)

How, once again, we got a statement with an exterior shape reminescent of different Fears (Jon pointing it out at the end, a “fleshliness”), like a few other recent ones? Though this one was a bit spelled out for us. (“And when you’re at that point, it’s astounding what can crawl into your heart – and start to fester there. […] Or if they… came about after things started to change. Started to go rotten.”)

How the statement was about leaving everything to settle in America… while later in the episode, Julia&Trevor revealed that they had come back from it to England.

How the simple representation of the world encouraged by the cult found a kind of echo with Julia&Trevor, simplistically separating people between monsters (preys) and the rest?

- … So, once again: why is Jon reading these specific statements, since he came back from Ny-Ålesund?

* MAG146, “Threshold”: Jon did mention that he had been pulled towards that one when he began to focus on Hill Top Road (“I spent so long looking for it, back when I found his father’s, and… no luck. But now, I decide to start looking properly into Hill Top Road, and all of a sudden… I’m drawn to rearrange a filing cabinet – and what do I find behind it?”)

* MAG147, “Weaver”: left by Annabelle to Fuck Him Up.

* MAG148, “Extended Surveillance”: Beholding, someone getting taken over by Beholding and obsessing over his friend.

* MAG150, “Cul-de-Sac”: Hey, The Power Of MLM Love Can Save Someone From The Lonely Zone If You Reach For Them xoxoxo.

* MAG152, “A Gravedigger’s Envy”: Someone falling deeper and deeper (ha) into their shiny new patron and Enjoying What They’re Doing.

* MAG153, “Love Bombing”: how someone got indoctrinated into a cult, and dodged a bullet by being dismissed from it because they didn’t believe/Feel It enough.

Has it been Annabelle still messing with him? Beholding? A reflection of Jon’s own preoccupations, that’s been leading him towards the few last ones?

- Aka: was that once again Annabelle cackling in Jon’s face because WOW, these first few lines sure felt like someone cackling in Jon’s face:

(MAG153, Barbara Mullen-Jones) “Everyone thinks they’re too smart to get involved in a cult. I’m sure you do. You think, that at the first mention of “aliens”, or the end of the world, or the lost book of the Bible, where Jesus buried his Holy Staff in the foothills of the Himalayas… you’d go running. Trouble is, that misunderstands how it works. I mean, when I was with The Divine Chain, some of the smartest people there were also the most committed. Intelligence doesn’t make you less prone to taking on bad ideas, it just makes you better at defending them…! To other people, and to yourself. Smart people can believe some truly ridiculous things, and then deploy all the reason and logic at their disposal to justify them. Because belief doesn’t begin in your mind – it begins in your feelings.”

… So once again, Jon’s reaction is a priceless “jON???” moment because:

(MAG153) ARCHIVIST: Statement ends. [SIGH] … I swear. I almost find the cult dedicated to the Dark Powers of Fear easier to understand than the more mundane sort. At least they have some consistency.

“What’s going on?” / Jon: *clicks “I’m in this statement and I don’t like it.”*

Oh My Gods, Jon… you read so many statements… they work/proceed exactly the same… getting you when you’re vulnerable… filling in what you’re craving and lacking, with the mix of “making you think you were shaped for them” and “shaping you for them” in turn…

(At least, he wasn’t in denial over the fact that the Dread Powers are “cults”. That would have been harder for him to do, anyway; and he didn’t deny it in the past when Georgie (MAG083, “Look me in the eyes and tell me that it’s not part of the cult or whatever the hell it was that left you homeless.”) and Jude (MAG089, “I don’t suppose I could talk to anyone else in your, um…” “It’s fine, you can call it a cult.”) both used the term. Still. Jon, there is no comfort/pride/excuse to get by trying to claim that the Fears Gods you’ve been involved with are more effective than your ~regular~ cults.)

- … How did Julia&Trevor manage to leave America? Last time we had heard of them, they were stuck:

(MAG109) ARCHIVIST: And… [SIGH] why America? JULIA: [FAINT GROAN] TREVOR: [CHUCKLE] Heard tell there were a wolfman…! JULIA: [LAUGH] TREVOR: Old Dave, he’s down in Plymouth, swore blind his brother had seen one on the Pacific Crest trail– JULIA: I told Trevor he was a liar, but here we are anyway. Have been for a couple of years…! TREVOR: Hey, now – no wolfman, sure, but there’ve been plenty out here that would needs killing! JULIA: [LONG-SUFFERING SIGH] True enough. Plus, it’s hard to leave. We’re not exactly here legally and trying to get a flight home would get us noticed by authorities we’d rather avoid. TREVOR: I keep telling her we could hop a boat! JULIA: And I tell him I’d rather stay hunting here than trap myself on a boat for two weeks!

(Julia has Bad History with water.)

- I wasn’t incredibly clear on the post-statement scenography – I assumed there had been a gunshot at first (but it wasn’t tagged in the content warnings, although it had consistently been in previous episodes), so was that loud bang… Jon’s door? Or the trapdoor? being violently banged open?

(There was the chair scraping on the floor when Julia was ordering Jon to stay sitting, so for that, I pictured her hands on his shoulder and at some point, them pinning his arms in his back and slamming his head on the table.)

- Loving how Julia’s perception of Jon doesn’t change:

(MAG107) JULIA: We can chat in the car! I’m sure you’ve got a ton of librarian stories, the miles will just fly by.

(MAG153) JULIA: Sure. Or: I slit your little bookworm’s throat…!

Jon Is Just A Nerd, uh.

- I really love how Jon “Can’t Shut His Mouth” Sims and Julia “Sims, Shut The Fuck Up” Montauk’s dialogue:

(MAG153) ARCHIVIST: [VENOMOUS] Gerry wasn’t “yours”. You had no right– [SLAMMING SOUND] TREVOR: Oh, you hear that, Julia? “Gerry”. JULIA: Sounds like it got pretty chummy…! Where is he? […] JULIA: Sure. Or: I slit your little bookworm’s throat…! DAISY: Do it. That give me a chance to finish off your dad. TREVOR: I’m not her father…! ARCHIVIST: Not by blood, maybe…! JULIA: Shut. it. ARCHIVIST: [GROAN OF PAIN]

… was basically an exchange of “YOU’RE JUST A USELESS BI” “OH YEAH? AND YOU HAVE DADDY ISSUES.”

Jon. Jon, please.

(Guuuh over Julia’s “You always do what evil books tell you to, do you?” because… she can’t know, but to say that to someone who had almost been taken by Mr Spider because following the book’s thread? Aouch.)

- And my heart BREAKS over the fact that Julia&Trevor are reproaching him… what was the Most Obviously Anti-Beholding thing Jon has ever done, back in season 3 – fulfilling the promise he had made to Gerry, and freeing/actually killing him, even if it caused himself pain in the process. But for Julia&Trevor, it’s precisely what made him an enemy just like any other monster.

(MAG153) ARCHIVST: He asked me to. JULIA: Oh, really? You always do what evil books tell you to, do you? TREVOR: Gotta say, I’m disappointed. Genuinely thought you were different. But you’re just another monster. Not even worth the chase…! JULIA: You want the honours, old man. TREVOR: Don’t mind if I do~!

Aouch. (I wonder what part of it was rightful anger at being deprived of their “monster manual”, and how much was actually a pretext to kill someone they had so far deemed as vaguely spooky, though? Interestingly, they didn’t mention that they felt like Jon had gotten worse or anything. According to their words, they only wanted to kill Jon because they felt that he had betrayed them and that siding with Gerry meant that he was “another monster”.)

- And bringing back the mention of Gerry and the book… also puts Eric Delano back to mind. Gerry only knew that his mother had used his father as training material with the book, but he didn’t find him inside. We know that Mary gave Gertrude a page, implying that it was Eric’s (“what’s left of him”), but Jon didn’t find it in Gertrude’s secret stash either:

(MAG111) GERARD: I never knew my dad. Not really. He worked in the Archives like you, but quit once I was born. I think he wanted to help raise me. But mum didn’t need the help, and after me she wasn’t able to have kids again, so she killed him in his sleep to practice her bookbinding. I guess she failed. I always thought he was in here, but when I eventually got hold of it, there wasn’t a page in there.

(MAG062) MARY: The End, of course. I could never truly serve it; I just don’t find death that interesting. I’ve always found a singular devotion far too restrictive. Just ask Eric… or what’s left of him. […] GERTRUDE: And do you have any proof of this? Your… “magic book”. MARY: Yeah. [PAPER RUSTLING] You can keep this page. I made sure it was in English. GERTRUDE: Go– Who… who is it? MARY: A surprise, dear. Just make sure you’re alone when you read it. [CHAIR SCRAPING] Goodbye, Gertrude. Wish me luck. [DOOR OPENING] [DOOR CLOSING] GERTRUDE: Well. I–I don’t… really know what to add to that. If what she says is true, I should think carefully before reading this page aloud. I should probably destroy it. [GRUNT] I do rather hate the smell of burning skin. Anyway… that’s a decision for another day. [CHAIR SCRAPING] [FLOORBOARD OPENING] [FLOORBOARD CLOSING] […] ARCHIVIST: […] But in spite of all that, I’m… strangely excited. Because what sticks out to me more than anything else in that tape… is the very distinctive floorboard, at the end. [CLOTHES RUFFLING] One that hasn’t changed in the eight years since this statement was given. There’s never been any reason to look closely at a random section of floor. This bit wasn’t even breached by any of the worms. [FLOORBOARD OPENS] Because it had Gertrude’s hidden compartment beneath it. Hmm. No… strange skin page. But there is a laptop. And a key. I wonder what it opens. End supplement. [CLICK.]

So… the question is still up – did Gertrude burn the page in the end? We know that she had burned a few things down in the tunnels, including at least one Leitner. Did she keep the page and is it stored somewhere? And if so… why would have she kept it? Eric was likely one of her assistants before Gerry was born, and Gertrude sounded… rather fond of him:

(MAG085) ARCHIVIST: Date of original statement unclear, though paper quality likely puts it at between twenty and thirty years ago. […] There are some… short pieces of correspondence in the file, addressed to Gertrude, from someone called, er, Eric Delano, confirming that while he typed out this statement, he has no memory of doing so, and requesting some sick leave to address… persistent migraines he has developed.

(MAG137) GERTRUDE: […] And I will admit I’ve grown… fond of the boy. I wonder, if I told him about Eric – whether he’d follow in his father’s footsteps. Still, that’s not like it kept Eric safe in The End.

A few things: Gerry did point out to Jon that he was surprised that Gertrude had apparently managed to get Mary to teach her how to book-bind (MAG111: “I just had to make sure I took the book while my mum was fading, and brought it to her, and then she would free me. I didn’t really believe her, I don’t think, but I did it anyway. When she returned the book to me a week later, her pages burned and mangled, I think I actually cried with relief. I never even considered that my mum might have taught Gertrude how to make pages for it before she was destroyed.”). Could Gertrude have learned it through Eric instead of Mary? Gerry also mentioned that, beyond the fact that Gertrude had chosen to imprison him within the book, he didn’t understand why she had left him behind (MAG111: “I think… I think I finally understand why she brought me back. I just don’t understand why she left me behind.”) – and, indeed, why…? Was it because she had been too freaked out by her arrest (although the book… stayed behind, unclaimed, and she could have got her hands back on it legally)? Was it because Gertrude wanted to leave behind a few hints about her actions, in case she got killed before achieving her goals? Was it because she wanted to retrieve it later, when things would be safer…? (That’d be extremely sentimental coming from her, but if she had kept Eric’s page… could it be that she had planned for Gerry and Eric to meet somehow at some point? If so: AOUCH, because Jon gave Gerry what he wanted, what he asked for… but if Jon were to discover that Eric’s page was still intact and that Gerry could have met his father at last? That… would hurt, uh.)

- Julia&Trevor being back in the game means that they… potentially share a connection with everyone in Team Archives, one way or another:

* Jon was Hunted by Julia, kidnapped/“bodyguarded” by her (MAG107), took Julia&Trevor’s statement about how they met (MAG109), stole Gerry’s page from them (MAG111) before burning it (MAG117). They were already on the fence about Jon’s status as a potential prey back then, but they had at least some interests in common with him (the world not ending, perceiving Max Mustermann as an enemy); right now, Julia&Trevor are clearly labelling Jon as a target and as an overall “monster” – plus, they have the grudge about the page and… there is the fact that Jon’s dreams contained them:

(MAG153) JULIA: [LAUGHS] You’ve got something of ours. TREVOR: “Someone”. JULIA: Took him right from under our noses…! TREVOR: In our own house. JULIA: I call that rude, don’t you? ARCHIVIST: [VENOMOUS] Gerry wasn’t “yours”. You had no right– [SLAMMING SOUND] TREVOR: Oh, you hear that, Julia? “Gerry”. […] Not gonna ask you again, son. ARCHIVIST: I burned the page. Released him. [SILENCE] TREVOR: Aren’t that right noble of you. JULIA: Proper humanitarian. TREVOR: So. [INHALE] Let me get this straight! We take ye in; protect ye from the thing that’s huntin’ ye… JULIA: Spared your life! Even though you’re no better. TREVOR: Help you; give you access to one of our most valuable resources; and you steal it from us, piss off back to England, and then… burn it?! [SHUFFLING] That’s just inconsiderate.

(MAG120) ELIAS: The dark building is newer, but he knows it well; knows the two lost souls who creep through it with an alert hunger on their faces. He recognizes that look from the other Hunter whose dreams he's watched for so long. They stalk the darkness itself, and hope to catch and kill it before it can do the same to them. They see him watching, but they cannot catch his scent.

… Even for Jon’s standards, that’s a lot. Usually, people wanted him dead because of the “Archivist” title and/or because he was marked by The Eye (Jane Prentiss, the Not!Them, Nikola, Michael-The-Distortion in MAG101…), not for… personal reasons, for things Jon himself had done. (… The only exception had been, interestingly… Daisy. Daisy who wanted to rip him apart because he had forced her to give him her statement, and because she kept seeing him in her dreams.)

(* Obviously Peter, and potentially Martin, because:

(MAG153) TREVOR: [SHAKING SIGH] … Come on, Julia. JULIA: What?! TREVOR: There’s no rush. [CHORTLING] We’ve got all the time in the world. Besides… this place is just full of monsters. She can’t guard ’em all.

There Are Other “Monsters” Here.

Would they sense the spooks from Martin, nowadays…?)

* Daisy used to be a Hunter like them, but has decided to stop serving. Trevor used to perceive The Hunt as an “addiction”, occasionally managed to make himself quit it, but when Jon met him in June 2017, Trevor had returned to The Hunt and already decided that he was getting a fair deal out of it, all things considered:

(MAG056, Trevor Herbert) “In the early 80s, I was deep in the grip of my twin addictions. As I mentioned, after a while, The Hunt became an addiction of its own. Of the two, I’ve always found heroin the easier one to quit. […] But The Hunt… the hunt is a purpose. It’s not just a way to get through the day, it’s a reason for there to be a day at all. […] Ah, it’s a shame I’m on the way out. I will miss The Hunt.”

(MAG109) ARCHIVIST: I–I mean, yes… But the situation has changed quite a bit. Last I heard, you were dying of lung cancer…! TREVOR: I was. ARCHIVIST: And now…? TREVOR: I’m not. [CHUCKLE] ARCHIVIST: And, and that doesn’t strike you as… odd. TREVOR: Not much I see these days isn’t “odd”, somehow or other. Not gonna turn my nose up at that one bit that worked out well for me. I hunt monsters; my lungs don’t kill me. [HUFF] Seems like a fair trade. No big job, today.

Daisy antagonised them both, Julia & Daisy are quite obviously ready and willing to jump at each other’s throat again… Which is a bad sign for Daisy, since they’re bringing back her murderous thoughts.

(On the one hand, their antagonism could push Daisy back into The Hunt’s waiting arms. On the other hand… it could go another way – though that would feel very hopeful: now that Trevor has been acknowledged as being a father figure for Julia… could it lead to Trevor pushing Julia out of The Hunt, because he would care more about her well-being than about hunting with her and he knows what a life of Hunt does to you?)

* BASIRA WAS WITH THE SECTION’D OFFICERS WHO RAIDED RAYNER’S LAST BODY-THEFT ATTEMPT, AND SHE WITNESSED HIS DEATH.

Especially since Basira&Jon have just come out of a mini-Dark arc… it feels especially relevant? Julia lost both her mother and her father to the People’s Church of the Divine Host, because of Rayner, and she had herself been scared of The Dark for long:

(MAG109) JULIA: There was another reason that I chose to work nights. If you read my statement, then I’m sure it will come as no surprise that for most of my life, I’ve had a pretty significant fear of the dark. I used to lie awake at night; listening, straining my ears for the noise of movement or that… dreadful growl coming out of the dark. It was one of my better counsellors that suggested I try working nights as a way to address it. And it worked! For the most part.

Amongst other things, we recently had confirmation of what had happened to Julia’s mom through Manuela’s statement:

(MAG143) MANUELA: You were not the first to try and stop us, you know. Not even within living memory. I was but newly joined when [Lynette] fled the Church, and Maxwell had her silenced. But I remember her brute of a husband. He fed the beast for us, you know, when first he believed [Lynette] might still be saved. Then, later, we faithful served as his fuel to banish it. But, not for long. That’s the thing about Darkness, isn’t it? You try your hardest to eradicate, flood your surroundings with light, but it’s always there at the edges – waiting for the glow to weaken, to return and cover you forever. Robert Montauk discovered that the hard way.

(And in return: Manuela mentioned that Darvish had “crossed a Montauk, which has… traditionally gone poorly for us.”, which was an allusion to Julia and was covered by the story she told Jon in MAG109.)

Why Robert Montauk did what he did and what happened to her mother could still be elements that Julia would be interested to know. (Or… not anymore, because she tried to leave that life behind her, but… still, I have trouble picturing that it would be a coincidence that she would be back right after Jon&Basira heard that story.)

* … I’m especially worried about Melanie, since her “connection” to Trevor&Julia is that… they burned down the Ivy Meadows care home, including what was left of Melanie’s father:

(MAG036, Nicole Baxter) “I turned and began to sprint back towards my car. I had to get away, to get out. Then, without warning, I felt something heavy hit me in the side and I lost my footing, falling to the ground. I looked up to see an old man pinning me to the ground, his long, white beard matted and filthy. I screamed and tried to escape, but his age seemed to have done nothing to diminish his strength, and he kept his grip easily. Then he spoke in a thick Mancunian accent and told me to keep my voice down. I noticed that his skin was unblemished pink, and behind him stood a young woman, tall and lean with close-cropped hair and a deep scar over her right eye. She carried a large canvas bag, and was shaking her head, telling the old man to leave me alone. After a few suspicious glances, he got up. I could swear I recognised him from somewhere, but when I asked the two of them who they were, they just shook their heads and told me to leave. I asked them what was going on, and the old man looked at his companion, as if asking permission, said something about knowledge being a good defence here. She shook her head and said that leaving quickly was a better one. I didn’t need to be told a third time. I got in my car, and I left them to their work. I didn’t turn around even when I saw the smoke start to rise behind me.”

[…] ARCHIVIST: The Ivy Meadows Care Home in Woodley was officially decommissioned in July 2011, a month before the first of these alleged calls came in. It burned down on the 4th of September that same year after a leaking gas main caught fire.

(MAG106) ELIAS: Your father was your last real anchor, wasn’t he? [STATIC RISES.] MELANIE: That’s none of your business. ELIAS: Perhaps. Five years is plenty of time to grieve. It’s a real tragedy, isn’t it – dementia? Oh, especially so early. But he always remembered you, didn’t he? “Little moth”. MELANIE: Shut. up. ELIAS: At least, you got him into a decent care home. Hard to afford on an irregular income like yours, but… your mother’s life-insurance helped plenty. And Ivy Meadows wasn’t as expensive as some of them! It’s a shame, about the fire. But I’d have thought it would offer something of a relief. MELANIE: Wh–what are you talking about…? ELIAS: Oh. Of course. They told you he died in his sleep, didn’t they? Smoke inhalation. A real tragedy, but at least he didn’t suffer. MELANIE: I… ELIAS: Do you want to know what really killed him? [STATIC RISES] MELANIE: [SHOCKED INHALE] [RAGGED BREATHING] [TAPE RECORDER HISSING] ELIAS: Awful, isn’t it? He really suffered. Not… really your fault, just bad luck. MELANIE: [RAGGED BREATHING TURNING INTO SOBS] ELIAS: That doesn’t comfort you, does it?

And I have no idea how Melanie will take that news. Able to remain stable and/or to decide that it may have been a mercy-kill? Refusing to feel any gratitude-adjacent feeling towards then, since they did it as Hunters (so, not to save innocents or to put the residents out of their suffering… but because there were monsters to kill)? Anger and resentment at what they did? (Would Melanie team up with them if it’s about tracking down Amherst…?)

- … So, Julia and Trevor just Got Inside Of The Institute Like That, and violence’d Jon, and would have gone for the kill if Daisy hadn’t stepped in:

(MAG153) TREVOR: Gotta say, I’m disappointed. Genuinely thought you were different. But you’re just another monster. Not even worth the chase…! JULIA: You want the honours, old man. TREVOR: Don’t mind if I do~! JULIA: [CHUCKLES] TREVOR: [CHUCKLES] DAISY: [FAR] Get away from him.

……………….. So, once again: pETER.

(S4 trailer) MARTIN: … Yeah. Yeah, I know. [PAUSE] I’m, er… I’m actually with him now. [SNIFFING] You were right. [PAUSE] … yeah. Yeah, I know. [LONG INHALE] I… [EXHALE] … Will they be safe? [PAUSE] … Okay… [INHALE] Okay! I’ll do it. Yeah. Sure thing.

(MAG126) PETER: Martin, this is what we agreed. After The Flesh attacked, you came to me. MARTIN: [SIGH] PETER: And I’ve held up my end of the bargain, despite your continued hesitation. Your friends have been largely untroubled by the many – many – enemies that they have made. MARTIN: What about the delivery guy? Breekon. And the coffin? PETER: Was that its name? To be honest with you, I thought it was dead. MARTIN: You thought wrong. PETER: True enough. And as soon as I learned it was here, I moved to intervene, but, well. It turns out I wasn’t really needed. And as far as the coffin goes, there’s not much I can do about a bull-headed Archivist– MARTIN: [EXPLOSIVE EXHALE] PETER: –who seems hellbent on self-destruction. My powers only extend so far. […] As I said, one of the last shreds of the Circus delivered a gateway into Too-Close-I-Cannot-Breathe. I went to help, but was too late. Then, your detective friend– MARTIN: No, she’s not a dete– PETER: –went on one of Elias’s wild-goose chases, then Jon wilfully hurled himself into the coffin. I did not intervene, because thankfully, I did not agree to protect your friends from their own idiocy.

(MAG142) MARTIN: … Anyway. So, what’s this field trip they’re on? DAISY: They, uh… they didn’t tell you? MARTIN: [DRY CHUCKLE] No, I… What. … [QUICKLY] Daisy, where have they gone? DAISY: You know that town in Norway? MARTIN: What? I… Wai– Wh–what?! You don’t mean Ny-Ålesund? DAISY: Yyyeah. They reckon there’s a ritual they need to, you know… MARTIN: Yeah, but Peter didn’t even men–…! [OPENS DRAWERS, SHUFFLES THROUGH THINGS] I don’t believe this! DAISY: Sorry. Shouldn’t have said anything. MARTIN: No, no, it’s… thank you, I just… [CLOSES DRAWER] For God’s sake, can he not stay safe for like, for like ten minutes?!

(MAG151) MARTIN: How honest has he been with me? SIMON: About which part? MARTIN: Protecting the others. SIMON: I think he tried. I suspect he may have slightly exaggerated his abilities when you first made the deal, but he certainly expended a reasonable amount of influence and resources to follow through. MARTIN: But… [EXPLOSIVE SIGH] But that was never the endgame, was it? He just wanted me on side long enough to rope me into his… his plans for The Extinction.

1°) I doubt that we’ll get to hear Martin learning about Julia&Trevor’s irruption in the Archives on tape, but PLEASE, I WANT TO HEAR HIS SHRIEKS WHEN HE DOES…

2°) We’re more likely to hear him explode in Peter’s face about it, though.

3°) That is, if Peter doesn’t flee into The Lonely forever to escape Martin’s wrath. Jokes aside: I don’t think that Martin will be surprised, at this point, because Simon has now confirmed to him that… Peter isn’t as strong/useful as a defender as he claimed. And this probably won’t be a game-changer for Martin… unless it pushes him to press Peter to unfold The Plan already, at last, because the longer they wait, the longer Jon and the others are kept vulnerable.

(… Though: they should still be defenceless, whether Martin&Peter’s plan(s) succeed or not? Peter promised their safety, however… was he referring to extending his own protection to them (because we now have confirmation that that deal was mostly a scam), or because Martin would become something else and/or trigger something that could keep them safe in the long run…?)

- … Meanwhile, Elias had suggested another “defender” to Basira:

(MAG127) BASIRA: … So why am I here? What do you want that’s so important you needed to tell me to my face? ELIAS: I believe you’ve recently lost Melanie. BASIRA: … We saved Melanie. ELIAS: As a person, yes, but as a defender… I would have thought you would want all the help you could get, or… have you forgotten what happened last time you lay your guard down? BASIRA: … We’ll work it out. ELIAS: Possibly. Then again: you are beset by enemies on all sides, Basira. And unless you expect Jon to record them into submission, it would seem you’re in rather dire need of another option. BASIRA: … And you just happen to have one. ELIAS: I might have an idea, yes. BASIRA: And what does it cost? ELIAS: Just some of your time, Basira. Just your time.

(MAG135) BASIRA: Like hell you don’t! Every lead, a dead end. Every contact, vanished or dead. I’ve spent three weeks bouncing all over the globe on your bad intel, because you said there was a way to bring Daisy back. ELIAS: There was. It required you to be absent. BASIRA: [EXPLOSIVE EXHALE] You wanted him to go in there. ELIAS: And you would never have allowed it, had you been present. BASIRA: Why? ELIAS: Would you simply believe I wanted you and Daisy reunited? BASIRA: No.

… and did he mean Jon (who would have developed his powers further), or Daisy, in the end? Directly post-coffin, Basira had been absolutely disappointed in Daisy’s state:

(MAG133) BASIRA: Yeah, I just… I didn’t realise she’d change into someone who… can’t look after herself. ARCHIVIST: [INHALE] BASIRA: Even without the muscle atrophy. ARCHIVIST: You were hoping for a defender. BASIRA: I was hoping for someone I can trust to share the load. Because right now, it’s all on me. ARCHIVIST: [SLOC EXHALES] It doesn’t have to be. BASIRA: Hm. ARCHIVIST: You’re not happy she is back. BASIRA: I didn’t say that, Jon. I would never abandon Daisy and, having her back is… [SIGH] But right now, she’s dead weight. And I need to be able to travel light.

But Daisy is proving that she’s still… kicking a bit, indeed. Or at least enough to chase away Julia&Trevor despite her, uh, current state:

(MAG153) DAISY: [FAR] Get away from him. JULIA: Oh… TREVOR: What’s this…? You got yourself a watchdog? JULIA: Well, more of a lapdog…! Scrawny, isn’t she? DAISY: [MENACINGLY] I said get back…! TREVOR: Malnourished, I’d say. How long since you last tasted blood? DAISY: [SHARP BREATHING] JULIA: You think you can take us both~? DAISY: … I’d enjoy it. Start with the old bastard – he’s slower, doesn’t guard his neck. And you worry about him too much, don’t you? I go for him, you get sloppy, predictable. […] TREVOR: [SHAKING SIGH] … Come on, Julia. JULIA: What?! TREVOR: There’s no rush. [CHORTLING] We’ve got all the time in the world. Besides… this place is just full of monsters. She can’t guard ’em all. JULIA: [PANTING] … Fine. DAISY: [GROWLS] [DOOR SLAMMED CLOSE]

I’m not absolutely sure whether the final growl was hers or Trevor’s and/or Julia’s, but, in any case, GODS, I love how Daisy has turned fiercely protective of her idiot Archivist.

- And at the same time, I’m heartbroken over Daisy but IN A GOOD WAY because I… was really fearing that she might have gone back to hunting behind the tapes’ back. But no. It’s… “just” that not Hunting is slowly killing her:

(MAG153) ARCHIVIST: Are you alright? DAISY: [BREATHLESS] Don’t touch me. ARCHIVIST: Christ, he was right, I, I didn’t… When did you get so thin? DAISY: I’m not, it’s fine. ARCHIVIST: … It’s The Hunt, isn’t it? Without it– DAISY: I’m fine. Just haven’t been hungry. I’m strong enough. ARCHIVIST: Clearly. DAISY: They’re not gone yet. We could still get them. [CLOTHES SHUFFLING] ARCHIVIST: Daisy, no. It’s like you say. “Don’t listen to the blood.” DAISY: [SLOWER BREATHES] … “Listen to the quiet”…

… And I wasn’t expecting Jon to spontaneously remind her not to Chase. To respect what Daisy had been fighting for, although he tried to argue with her overall decision shortly after. Gods, so with Melanie going on an Eye-strike, Jon not taking live-statements anymore, and Daisy being slowly killed by (the lack of) The Hunt… current Team Archives is slowly crumbling, and how long can it truly last…? Unless they find a way to temper the effects, or get better after a very bad period…?

- Also, no wonder Melanie and Daisy were getting closer, aaaah!! Same mindset of choosing death over feeding/getting fed by a Dread Power… with some nuances between the two: I’d say that Melanie’s stance feels more… ethical, after all (she didn’t want to contribute to The Fears’ system), while Daisy’s is really about doing things on her terms and not letting anything control her anymore? Although, as she pointed out, she is aware of the fact that she herself used to be involved in a (non-spooky, still very harmful) system and to be protected by it:

(MAG153) ARCHIVIST: Even so, if it’s having this much of an effect on you– DAISY: I’m not going back. I can’t let it in again. ARCHIVIST: But it– … What if it kills you? DAISY: [CHORTLE] Always said I was dedicated to justice…! ARCHIVIST: Daisy! It’s not… You can’t think like that. DAISY: Jon. Do you have any idea how much damage you can do if you’re a police officer who wants to hurt people? How much the system will protect you? [SHARP INHALE FROM JON] I managed to keep most of it from Basira, but…

(Well, despite Daisy’s attempts to hide it from her, Basira did know at the very least about Daisy illegally killing “monsters”. Basira wasn’t Perfectly Pure And Innocent when it came to condoning it, either.)

- I’m love Daisy, I love how frank she is about what she did, the fact that it was her… and also, that she decided she wouldn’t condone those things anymore ;;

(MAG142) MARTIN: It’s alright. Wasn’t you. [INHALE] Not really. DAISY: No, it was. I hate… a lot of what I did back then; doesn’t mean I’m not… responsible for it, doesn’t mean it… wasn’t me.

(MAG153) ARCHIVIST: That wasn’t you, that was The Hunt! DAISY: … [SIGH] We were the same. [SILENCE] ARCHIVIST: … You’d never known anything different. [SILENCE] DAISY: Because I never wanted to.

… And she’s also, implicitly, throwing what Jon Taught Her at his face:

(MAG121) OLIVER: I made a choice. We all made choices. Now, you have to– […] Make your choice, Jon.

(MAG132) DAISY: I hurt… a l–lot of people… and some who… who I shouldn’t have. Did you ever hear the, the story Elias told me? About what I did. How I am… He, he didn’t get a detail wrong. The Hunt… Hunger was in me all my life. Telling me who to chase, how to hurt them. I never needed to think… who I was outside of that. But down here, where I… I can’t hear the… blood anymore, I d–, I don’t… I don’t know who I am without, without the chase… I just know… that I… I don’t like who I was back outside. I don’t want to be her again. I want… to be… better… [PANTS] Y–you know what I thought wh–when I woke up here? I thought this was hell; I wa–, I was dead, and within hell. And I… eh, I–I knew I deserved it… I don’t want t–to be a s–sadistic predator again… I–I don’t want to… hobble around, like some pathetic, wounded prey either… I don’t know which would be worse. And I’m sc–scared, now, that I’ll never get the choice… ARCHIVIST: One thing I’ve learned, Daisy, is that we all get a choice. Even if it doesn’t feel like one.

(MAG136) ARCHIVIST: My– [PAUSE] [INHALE] [SIGH] My memories of the coma are not clear. But I know I made a choice; I made a choice to become… something else. Because I was afraid to die. But ever since then, I… I don’t know if I made the right decision; I–I’m stronger now, tougher, I can… … If I do die, now, or get sealed away somewhere forever… I don’t know if that’s a bad thing.

(MAG153) DAISY: All that time trapped was good for one thing: thinking. And I did a lot of it. I’ve made my choice. ARCHIVIST: Okay…! So what do we do when they come back? DAISY: I don’t know.

(Jon… you threw out so many encouraging words but still didn’t follow through on them yourself, uh? Because meanwhile, he had already attacked two people, and was trying to convince himself that he was being manipulated/pushed into doing it without having a say in it…)

And Jon Trying To Argue Hurt A Lot, because it’s very obvious that he’s projecting / seeing himself in her? He was eight when he encountered Mr. Spider’s book. Daisy was eleven when she met something (Slaughter woman?) who turned Calvin Benchley against her; indeed, she’s “never known anything else”, and it shaped her as a person (she became “Daisy” because of the scar the experience left her with). So, if Daisy, who has taken a stance (to stop being a Hunter and hurt people), were to decide that in the end, it’s too painful, it’s not worth it… maybe Jon thinks that he wouldn’t feel too bad about doing the same?

But no, Daisy is still saying that it’s not worth going back to her patron and hurting people, stripping Jon of that excuse and possibility right away. I still have no idea whether Jon will take inspiration from Melanie&Daisy, but… whatever he chooses in the end, we’ve had prime demonstrations that it’d indeed be his own choice – not the Web manipulating him, not Beholding replacing by something else, not the “ineluctability” of becoming a careless or ruthless monster, just his own personal decision to hurt rather than be hurt.

So; I still have no idea, I still feel like only Martin is the only one who can make things go forwards at the moment, but also, lots of plot threads are accumulating to just… explode at the same time and make a carnage.

MAG153’s title is Magnificent in its simplicity and… evocations. So. Could be a Slaughter thing, with a mix of Team Archives (/Daisy) getting wasted, but obviously, it puts Mary Keay and The End to mind. Though I don’t know what else we could get about Mary? Jon hasn’t said anything about running out of the stash of Gertrude’s tapes from Elias’s office, so it… could be one of them again (last one was MAG145, Gertrude&Arthur) – Gertrude talking with Ended!Mary after having invoked her page? Something from Eric Delano (in written form, or a recording with Gertrude while he was alive or dead) about his ~lovely wife~?

[taylorftparamore]

YOU CUT OUT ALL TOO WELL??????

i mean... starting from debut, let’s show all the bridges that got cut that definitely didn’t deserve to be cut but y’all let them get cut anyway, hm?

“you never did give a damn thing honey but i cried, cried for you. and i know you wouldn’t have told nobody if i’d die, die for you, die for you.” (cold as you)

“if you and i are a story that never gets told, if what you are is a daydream then at least you’ll know.” (stay beautiful)

“you stood there in the doorway my hand shake, i’m not usually this way. you pull me in and i’m a little more brave, it’s the first kiss, it’s flawless, it’s really somethin. it’s fearless.” (fearless)

“when all you wanted was to be wanted, wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now. back then i swore i was gonna marry him but i realized some bigger dreams of mine. and abigail gave everything she had to a boy who changed his mind, we both cried.” (fifteen)

“i got tired of waitin, wonderin if you were ever comin around. my faith in you was fadin. when i met you on the outskirts of town, and i said, ‘romeo, save me. i’ve been feelin so alone. i keep waitin for you but you never come.’ he knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring.” (love story)

“they’re dimmin the streetlights, you’re perfect for me, why aren’t you here tonight? i’m waitin alone now so come out and pull me near and shine, shine, shine. hey stephen, i could give you fifty reasons why i should be the one you chose. all those other girls, well, they’re beautiful, but would they write a song for you?” (hey stephen)

“and there you on your knees, begging for forgiveness, beggin for me. just like i always wanted, but i’m so sorry.” (white horse)

“i remember you drivin to my house in the middle of the night, i’m the one who makes you laugh when you know you’re bout to cry. and i know your favorite songs and you tell me bout your dreams, think i know where you belong, think i know it’s with me.” (you belong with me)

“i have an excellent father, his strength is making me stronger got smiles on my little brother, inside and out he’s better than i am. i grew up in a pretty house and i had space to run and i had the best day... with you. there is a video i found round back when i was three. you set up a paint set in the kitchen and you’re talkin to me. it’s the age of princess and the seven dwarves. my daddy’s smart and you’re the prettiest lady in the whole wide world. now i know why all the leaves change in the fall.” (the best day, typing this one out made me fuckin CRY, bitch how DARE y’all cut this one)

“i run my fingers through your hair and watch the lights go wild. just keep on keeping your eyes on me, it’s just wrong enough to make it feel right. and lead me up the staircase, won’t you whisper something slow? i’m captivated by you, baby, like a fireworks show.” (sparks fly)

“i miss your tan skin, your sweet smile, so good to me, so right. and how you held me in your arms that september night, the first time you ever saw me cry. maybe this is wishful thinkin, probably mindless dreamin, but if we loved again i swear i’d love you right. i’d go back in time and change it, but i can’t. so if the chain is on your door, i understand. (back to december)

“take pictures in your childhood room, memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home. remember the footsteps, remember the words said and the words to all your little brother’s favorite songs. i just realized everything i ever had is someday gonna be gone. so here i am in my new apartment in the big city, they just dropped me off. it’s so much colder than i thought it would be so i tuck myself in and turn my night light on. wish i’d never grown up.” (never grow up)

“time turns flames to embers, you’ll have new septembers, everyone of us has messed up too. lives change like the weather, i hope you remember today is never too late to be brand new.” (innocent)

“so i’ll watch your life in pictures like i used to watch sleep and i feel you forget me like i used to watch you breathe. and i’ll keep up with your old friends just to ask how you are. hope it’s nice where you are. (last kiss)

“this is the state of grace. this is the worthwhile fight. love is a ruthless game unless you play it good and right. these are the hands of fate. you’re my achilles’ heel. this is the golden age of something good and right and real.” (state of grace)

“remembering him comes in flashbacks and echos. tell myself ‘it’s time now’, gotta let him go. but movin on from him isn’t possible when i still see it all in my head, burnin red.” (red)

“two headlights shine through the sleepless night, and i will get you, get you alone. your name has echoed through my mind and i just think you should, think you should know that nothing safe is worth the drive and i will follow you, follow you home. i’d follow you, follow you home.” (treacherous)

“oh, we made quite a mess, babe. it’s probably better off this way. and i confess, babe, in my dreams you’re touching my face and asking me if i want to try again. and i almost do.” (i almost do)

“you took the time to memorize me, my fears, my hopes, my dreams i just like hanging out with you all the time. all those times that you didn’t leave it’s been occurring to me that i’d like to hang out with you all the time, stay.” (stay stay stay)

“it was a few years later i showed up here and they still the legend of how you disappeared. how you took the money and your dignity and got the hell out. they say you bought a bunch of land somewhere, chose the rose garden over madison square. and it took some time, but i understand it now. (the lucky one)

“what do you say when tears are streaming down your face in front of everyone you know? and what do you do when the one who means the most to you is the one that didn’t show?” (the moment i knew)

“this is falling in love in the cruelest way. this is falling for you when you are worlds away. new york, be here. but you’re in london and i break down cause it’s not fair that you’re not around.” (come back... be here...)

i feel the “you cut all too well” loses weight when y’all let EIGHT tracks from red get cut. let’s keep going regardless, cause y’all let some GOOD 1989, reputation, and lover bridges get cut.

“your kiss, my cheek, i watch you leave. your smile, my ghost, i fell to my knees. when you’re young you just run but you come back to what you need.” (this love)

“they are the hunters, we are the foxes. and we run. just grab my hand and don’t ever drop it, my love.” (i know places)

“ten months sober i must admit, just because you’re clean don’t mean you don’t miss it. ten months older, i won’t give in. now that i’m clean i’m never gonna risk it.” (clean)

“i reached for you but you were gone. i knew i had to go back home. you search the world for something else to make you feel like what we had but in the end in the wonderland we both went mad.” (wonderland)

“please take my hand and please take me dancing and please leave me stranded, it’s so romantic.” (new romantics)

“they’re burning all the witches even if you aren’t one. they got their pitchforks and proof, their receipts and reasons. they’re burning all the witches even if you aren’t one, so light me up. go ahead and light me up, light me up, light me up, light me up. go ahead and light me up, light me up, light me up.” (i did something bad)

“they’re burning all the witches even if you aren’t one. they got their pitchforks and proof, their receipts, they don’t need their proof. they’re burning all the witches and it’s just for fun. so light me up! light me up! light me up! light me up, light me up, go ahead and light me....” (i did something bad tour version)

“i don’t trust nobody and nobody trusts me, i’ll be the actress starrin in your bad dreams. i don’t trust nobody and nobody trusts me, i’ll be the actress starring in your bad dreams. i’m sorry, the old taylor can’t come to the phone right now. why? oh! cause she’s dead.” (look what you made me do)

“you did a number on me but honestly, baby, who’s countin? i did a number on you, but honestly, baby, who’s countin? who’s countin? 1, 2, 3, and all the pieces fall” (so it goes...)

“we were jet set bonnie and clyde, til i switched to the other side, the other side. it’s no surprise i turned you in cause us traitors never win. i’m in a getaway car. i left you in the motel bar. put the money in the bag and i stole the keys, that was the last time you ever saw me.” (getaway car)

“i’d kiss you as the lights go down, swaying as the room burned down. i’d hold you as the water rushes if i could dance with you again. i’d kiss you as the lights go down, swaying as the room burned down, i’d hold you as the water rushes in if i could dance with you again.” (dancing with our hands tied)

“flashback when you met me with your buzzcut and my hair bleached, even in the worst times you could see the best of me. flashback to my mistakes, my rebounds, my earthquakes even in my worst lies you could see the truth in me. and i woke up in just in time. now i wake up by your side. my one and only, my lifeline, and i woke up just in time, now i wake up by your side. my hands shake, i can’t explain this ah ah, ah” (dress)

“i want to wear his initial on a chain round my neck, chain round my neck not because he owns me but cause he really knows which is more than they can say. i recall late november, holdin my breath, slowly i said, ‘you don’t need to save me, but would you run away with me?’ yes.” (call it what you want)

“would you please stand? with every guitar string scar on my hand, i take this magnetic force of man to be my lover. my heart’s been borrowed and yours had been blue, all’s well that ends well to end up with you. swear to be overdramatic and true to my lover. and you’ll save all your dirtiest jokes for me. and at every table, i’ll save you a seat, lover.” (lover)

“what’s it like to brag about rakin in dollars and getting bitches and models? and it’s all good if you’re bad and it’s okay if you’re mad? if i was out flashin my dollars, i’d be a bitch not a baller. they paint me out to be bad so it’s okay that i’m mad.” (the man)

“cause they see right through me, they see right through me, they see right through me. can you see right through me? they see right through, they see right through me. i see right through me! i see right through me! all the kings horse and all the king’s men couldn’t put me back together again, cause all of my enemies started out friends, help me hold on to you.” (the archer)

“lyrical smile, indigo eyes, hand on my thigh, we can follow the sparks, i’ll drive. lyrical smile, indigo eyes, hand on my thigh, we can follow the sparks, i’ll drive. so where we gonna go? i whisper in the dark. where we gonna go? i think he knows.” (i think he knows)

“i want to drive away with you, i want your complications too, i want your dreary mondays, wrap your arms around me, baby boy. i want to drive away with you, i want your complications too, i want your dreary mondays, wrap your arms around me, baby boy.” (paper rings)

“and i hate to make this about me, but who am i supposed to talk to if there’s no you? this won’t go back to normal, if it ever was. it’s been years of hopin and i keep sayin it cause i have to.” (soon you’ll get better)

like you’re telling me out of ALL THESE SONGS that got cut, all too well’s bridge is the only one worth being outraged about? grow up.

[simplyserens]

new upcoming artist nova castillo just released an unexpected album entitled ‘beginner’s luck’ when asked about she said, ❝beginner’s luck is just what it sounds like, i’m lucky enough to have the people and platform that i do. the album doesn’t have a theme, but each song has it’s own message. most of them are about my boyfriend apollo.❞ apollo walsh? and nova castillo? we thought they were strictly platonic? guess things change. when asked about signing with a record label she said this,  ❝i’m new to this whole scene, so i haven’t really had time to find a label, but when i do i’d hope it’s one that suit my personality. until then i have to remember that beginner’s luck is just that.❞ she had no further comment.

( most of the songs suppossed to be about @theocannon are now about @norightwcy because of their pr relationship )

track list:

1: born to die                       11: summertime sadness 2: off to the races                12: this is what makes us girls  3: blue jeans                       13: without you 4: video games                   14: lolita 5: diet mountain dew          15: lucky ones  6: national anthem              16: ride   7: dark paradise                  17: american   8: radio                                18: cola    9: carmen                            19: body electric    10: million dollar man          20: blue velvet   

deluxe edition bonus tracks:

21: gods & monsters          23: bel air 22: yayo                             24: burning desire

track list:

01: born to die – ( @theocannon ) @norightwcy ❝can you make it feel like home, if I tell you you're mine? it's like I told you, honey. don't make me sad, don't make me cry. sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough, i don't know why. keep making me laugh – let's go get high. the road is long, we carry on. try to have fun in the meantime. come and take a walk on the wild side. let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain. you like your girls insane. choose your last words, this is the last time 'cause you and I, we were born to die.❞ 

02: off to the races – ( about her ex-boyfriend from highschool )  ❝but he’s got a soul as sweet as blood red jam. and he shows me, he knows me, every inch of my tar black soul. he doesn't mind i have a flat broke-down life, in fact, he says he thinks it's what he might like about me. admires me, the way i roll like a rolling stone. likes to watch me in the glass room, bathroom. Chateau Marmont, slipping on my red dress, putting on my makeup. glass room, perfume, cognac, lilac fumes. says it feels like heaven to him.❞ 

03: blue jeans – ( @theocannon​ ) @norightwcy ❝blue jeans, white shirt, walked into the room, you know you make my eyes burn, it was like James Dean for sure. you're so fresh to death and sick as cancer. you were sorta punk rock, i grew up on pop. you fit me better than my favorite sweater, and I know that love is mean, and love hurts, but i still remember that day we met in December, oh baby. i will love you 'til the end of time, i would wait a million years, promise you'll remember that you're mine. baby, can you see through the tears? love you more than those bitches before. say you'll remember, say you'll remember. oh baby, ooh, I will love you 'til the end of time ❞ 

04: video games – ( @theocannon ) @norightwcy ❝it's you, it's you, it's all for you, everything i do. i tell you all the time, Heaven is a place on earth with you. tell me all the things you wanna do, i heard that you like the bad girls. honey, is that true? it's better than i ever even knew, they say that the world was built for two. only worth living if somebody is loving you, and baby, now you do.❞ 

05: diet mountain dew – ( @ofcdean ) ❝diet mountain dew, baby, new york city, never was there ever a girl so pretty. do you think we’ll be in love forever? do you think we’ll be in love? diet mountain dew, baby, new york city. can we get it now, low down and gritty? do you think we’ll be in love forever? do you think we’ll be in love? baby, put on heart-shaped sunglasses. 'cause we gonna take a ride, i’m not gonna listen to what the past says. i’ve been waiting up all night.❞ 

06: national anthem – ( @theocannon ) ❝i'm your national anthem, god, you're so handsome. take me to the Hamptons, Bugatti Veyron. he loves to romance 'em, reckless abandon, holding me for ransom, upper echelon. he says to be cool, but I don't know how yet. wind in my hair, hand on the back of my neck i said, "can we party later on?", he said, "yes, yes, yes...".❞ 

07: dark paradise – ( a song about carley ) ❝and there's no remedy for memory, your face is like a melody, it won't leave my head. your soul is haunting me, and telling me that everything is fine. but i wish i was dead ( dead, like you ) every time I close my eyes, it's like a dark paradise. no one compares to you, i'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side.❞ 

08: radio – ( for everyone who only likes her because she’s famous ) ❝now my life is sweet like cinnamon like a fucking dream i'm living in. baby, love me 'cause i'm playing on the radio. ( how do you like me now? ) lick me up and take me like a vitamin 'cause my body's sweet like sugar venom, oh, yeah. baby, love me 'cause I'm playing on the radio ( how do you like me now? ) american dreams came true somehow, i swore I'd chase 'em 'til I was dead. i heard the streets were paved with gold, that's what my father said.❞ 

09: carmen – ( a song about her addiction ) ❝darling, darling, doesn't have a problem lying to herself, 'cause her liquor's top shelf. it's alarming, honestly, how charming she can be. fooling everyone, telling them she's having fun, she says, "you don't want to be like me, don't wanna see all the things I've seen." i'm dying, i'm dying, she says, "you don't want to get this way, famous and dumb at an early age" lying, I'm lying. the boys, the girls, they all like carmen she gives them butterflies, bats her cartoon eyes. she laughs like God. her mind's like a diamond, audiotune lies, she's still shining like lightning, woah, white lightning.❞ 

10: million dollar man – ( another song about her ex from high school ) ❝you said I was the most exotic flower, holding me tight in our final hour. i don't know how you convince them and get them, boy, i don't know what you do, it's unbelievable. and i don't know how you get over, get over. someone as dangerous, tainted, and flawed as you. one for the money, two for the show. i love you, honey; i'm ready, i'm ready to go. how did you get that way? i don't know. you're screwed up and brilliant. you look like a million dollar man, so why is my heart broke?❞ 

11: summertime sadness – ( @ofcdean & @theocannon​ ) ❝kiss me hard before you go. summertime sadness, i just wanted you to know, that baby, you're the best. i got that summertime, summertime sadness. s-s-summertime, summertime sadness. got that summertime, summertime sadness.❞ 

12: this is what makes us girls – ( @ofcimani & their degrassi days ) ❝remember how we used to party up all night? sneaking out and looking for a taste of real life, drinking in the big city firelight ( Pabst Blue Ribbon on ice. ) sweet sixteen, and we had arrived, walking down the streets as they whistle, "hi, hi!" stealin' police cars with the senior guys, teachers said we'd never make it out alive. there she was, my new best friend. high heels in her hand, swayin' in the wind. while she starts to cry, mascara running down her little Bambi eyes, "nova, how I hate those guys".❞ 

13: without you –  ( @theocannon ) @norightwcy ❝everything i want, i have. money, notoriety, and rivieras. i even think i found love in the flashbulbs of the pretty cameras. pretty cameras, pretty cameras. am I glamorous? tell me, am I glamorous? hello? hello? ca-can you hear me? i can be your china doll if you want to see me fall. boy, you're so dope, your love is deadly. tell me life is beautiful, they all think I have it all. but i've nothing without you. all my dreams and all the lights mean nothing without you. we were two kids just tryin' to get out, lived on the dark side of the American dream. we would dance all night, play our music loud, but when we grew up, nothing was what it seemed.❞ 

14: lolita – ( @theocannon ) @norightwcy ❝would you be mine? would you be my baby tonight? could be kissing my fruit punch lips in the bright sunshine. 'cause I like you quite a lot, everything you got, don't you know it's you that I adore?❞ 

15: lucky ones – ( @theocannon ) @norightwcy ❝let's get out of this city, baby, we're on fire. everyone around here seems to be going down, down, down. if you stick with me, i can take you higher, and higher. it feels like all of our friends are lost, nobody's found, found, found. i got so scared, i thought no one could save me, you came along, scooped me up like a baby. every now and then, the stars align, boy and girl meet by the great design. could it be that you and me are the lucky ones? everybody told me love was blind, then i saw your face, and you blew my mind. finally, you and me are the lucky ones this time.❞ 

16: ride  – ( about her partying habits ) ❝i hear the birds on the summer breeze, i drive fast, I am alone at midnight. been trying hard not to get into trouble, but I, I've got a war in my mind so, i just ride, just ride, i just ride, i just ride. dying young and playing hard, that's the way my father made his life an art. drink all day and we talk 'til dark. that’s the way the road dogs do it, light ‘til dark.❞ 

17: american – ( @theocannon ) @norightwcy ❝you make me crazy, you make me wild. just like a baby, spin me 'round like a child. your skin so golden brown. be young, be dope, be proud, like an American. ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh.❞ 

18: cola – ( @ofcdean & @theocannon​ ) ❝ah, he's in the sky with diamonds and he’s making me crazy ( i come alive, alive. ) all he wants to do is party with his pretty baby. come on baby, let’s ride we can escape to the great sunshine.❞

19: body electric – ( @theocannon & carley ) ❝my clothes still smell like you, all the photographs say you're still young. i pretend i'm not hurt and go about the world like I'm having fun.❞

20: blue velvet – ( carley ) ❝blue velvet, but in my heart there'll always be. precious and warm a memory, through the years...and I still can see blue velvet through my tears.❞

bonus tracks:

21: gods & monsters – ( yet another song about her partying habits ) ❝you got that medicine i need. fame, liquor, love, give it to me slowly, put your hands on my waist, do it softly. me and him, we don’t get along, so now I sing. no one’s gonna take my soul away, i’m living like Jim Morrison. headed towards a fucked up holiday. motel sprees, sprees and I’m singing, "fuck yeah, give it to me, this is Heaven, what I truly want." it's innocence lost, innocence lost. in the land of gods and monsters, i was an angel, looking to get fucked hard like a groupie incognito, posing as a real singer. life imitates art.❞

22: yayo – ( a song about her ex from highschool...again ) ❝hello, heaven, you are a tunnel lined with yellow lights, on a dark night ( dark night ) yayo, yeah you, yayo.❞

23: bel air – ( @theocannon ) @norightwcy ❝roses, Bel Air, take me there. i've been waiting to meet you. palm trees in the light, i can see late at night, darling, i’m waiting to greet you. come to me, baby. spotlight, bad baby, you've got a flair. for the violentest kind of love anywhere out there. mon amour, sweet child of mine, you're divine. didn't anyone ever tell you it's okay to shine?❞

24: burning desire – ( @theocannon ) @norightwcy ❝every saturday night, i get dressed up to ride for you, baby. cruising down the street on broadway and main just for you, baby. i drive fast, wind in my hair, i push it to the limits cause i just don't care. you ask me where i've been, i been everywhere. but I don't want to be nowhere but here. ( come on, tell me boy ) i've got a burning desire for you, baby. ( i've got a burning desire, come on, tell me boy ) i've got a burning desire for you, baby. ( i've got a burning desire, come on, tell me boy ) i drive fast, wind in my hair, i push it to the limits cause i just don't care ( don't care ) i've got a burning desire for you, baby. ( i've got a burning desire ).❞

[sassheliosazuras]

The Sea’s Children

   A fun RP between myself and @pawsimses, I recently visited the ocean for the first time and was inspired to write mer!baby sass and mermaid selena, and thankfully @pawsimses was nice enough to go with my crazy and contribute to it!    ;P    Adorable kid! Lin is @pawsimses as is Lin’s mama Cenina and brother Coxio, while Selena and Sass are mine.  

 Also with wonderful artwork of baby mer!Sass and a young adorable Lin playing by the amazing @moonlitalien! I can’t thank you enough for this piece. It’s perfectly amazing!!! Enjoy! ;D

       All was calm, the skies were clear, and the seas peaceful. Sunny rays bathed a small hidden beach cove while gentle waves came upon shore.

Only the distant sounds of music from the nearby village could be heard. As a elegant snowy heron flew towards the shore, it cast a gracefully elongated neck out, surveying the cove with a critical eye.

After several moments of flight the egret satisfied, landed on the beach looking out towards the sea waiting. Which she needn't wait long, for soon a dark figure could be seen beneath the clear waters moving closer.

The snowy white egret stood motionless, as the figure of a lovely women with flowing dark lilac hair approached her out of the waves. Letting out a happy caw, Yuon hopped closer. Til a soft cry was heard, as Selena exposed what lay in her arms. The old Heron merely gave a look of confusion at the squirming bundle in Selena’s arms.

Unsteadily the woman made her way to the puzzled bird, her azure feet wobbly and steps uncertain, while the grip she had on the bundle in her arms was far more secure and certain.

“Thank you, my old friend. I must ask one more favor of you this day.”

She knelt next to the curious Yuon, who watched as she slowly unwrapped the bundle in her arms.

Only to revel a lively baby with deep ruby eyes the same as hers, yet where lower limbs would normally be at was instead a scaly tail colored of the cerulean waters that surrounded them. Letting out a soft curious honk she hovered over  the pair wing’s flapping slightly. 

“Yes master Yuon, this is my hatchling.” Selena replied to the cranes cries in a soft tone.

As she flicked the fussy babes nose, causing the baby to burst out into laughter. Hopping back in shock Yuon flapped her wings a few times. Before calming down and coming closer again.

“Do me one more favor and protect my son while I am gone, my friend?” Selena asked lavender lips pouting.

Which turned into a grateful smile as her avian friend gave a long suffering honk.

“Thank you, now lets get out of the sun shall we?” Selena asked getting up, already feeling her azure skin beginning to burn beneath the midday sun. Getting up the trio made their way into a nearby secluded cave, where the tide ebbed in.

As they made their way deeper inside they rounded a bend where hidden behind was small pool in which laid a small basket laded with soft silks and cloths underwater on the sandy floor.

“Let’s get you to bed my love, huh?” She cooed to her son carefully stepping down into the pool and placing the babe inside the basket.  

As soon as he was underwater the baby started blowing bubbles and flexing his tiny tail.After a moment or so he settled down in the basket and fell asleep, with tiny bubbles escaping his mouth.

Caressing her child’s soft curls, Selena pressed a small kiss to his forehead whispering the oceans songs. Covering her sleeping babe with a blanket, before wading out of the pool. With a wave of her hands the rock walls littered with crystals began to illuminate the small cavern giving off a array of soft colorful glows.  

With only a longing glance behind her at the napping babe, Selena made her way back out of the cave with surer legs and a friend at her side. As soon as they made it to the entrance the egret took flight before circling around to perch on a nearby outcrop.

With a wave of the hand at her companions leavings, she made her way into the water. She let out a gasp upon feeling the mother-seas lifeblood flow back through her. Wadding out far enough she dove under, to come back up only once as she glanced back one last time towards the cave entrance, before diving under disappearing into the depths..

As she dove under the waters, a lovey lavender tail could be seen with the barest tinge of pink along her fin.

Before it too disappeared beneath the waves.

                                             LIN POV

   Lin knew he shouldn't have wandered off. Mama said to stay; there were people about, strange magic-less creatures unbound by the supernatural forces of the world.

Mama said they were "ordinary".

That they had little to no use of magic save the few who sought out sources like Mama for their own needs. Mama never liked them, but business was business she said.

Lin couldn't understand - they were odd, yes, and without power but they appeared nice!

And they always left Mama with shiny pretties that got him nice, rare foods or a new toy. Lin didn't see how they were dangerous; but still, Mama was Mama and she said to beware.

That's why, biting his lip as he slowly pulled his tiny form up and over the algae covered rocks, he was met internally with conflict.

He shouldn't have wandered off; Mama said not to. Mama knew best - she was bigger, wiser and knew everything. She knew the truth; Lin, tiny and young, knew little. But that's why he had to go; he had to know. Had to see the strange people setting up on the shores of the island near their little inlet.

Had to know if they were as Mama said... or if they were as Lin saw; nice and kind.

Only one way to find out.

As he clambered over yet another boulder set in the middle of the tide pools, a splash caught his attention. He looked up, pale blue eyes wide, alert. At first, nothing but the rolls of the ocean and occasional gull dipping in and out of the waves.

Then, he spotted it; out in the distance waters, far past the swallows, a creature of sorts dove beneath the waves.

It was too far to see, but he swore he caught a glimpse of a bright, glittering tail - color of the waters around - disappear beneath the surface.

He blinked, rubbing his eyes with little fists. Nothing but the swell of the waves to greet him. He frowned, pondering.

Had he perhaps imagined it? Was it a myth of his mind come to toy with him? He had missed his afternoon nap; it was entirely possible.

Alongside the possibility of Mama finding him before he got to the people. Lin swallowed, gripping the folds of his damp yukata. Mama would not be happy. Not at all. And so, resolve set, he ventured on across the barnacled inlet shore.

                                              YUON POV

    As the suns warm rays warmed her yuon could feel a gentle nap coming on, letting out a short honk the sleepy crane tucked her long neck underneath a snowy wing.

Still she keep one eye open on the cave entrance, however the warmth of the sun and the call of the ocean soon lulled her into a light slumber. 

For one moment the beach was empty and when she gazed over again there now appeared to be a small child! 

An unusual one to be sure, if the child’s verdant skin was any indication. The small boy seemed to linger on the beach scanning out into the sea in search of something before resting a moment in the mouth of the cave.

Yuon was wondering where such a curious child had come from, when a soft cry could be heard coming from the cave. The little boy looked up curious as he took a closer look inside the cave, where soft cries could be heard along with the faint glow of colors glimmering inside.

As the child began to make his way inside the colorful cave, the watchful heronquietly took off towards the seas.

                                             LIN POV

  Lin paid no need to the heron overhead, eyes set upon the cave a few meters away.The opening yawned wide, a great maw threatening to swallow any who dare step inside.

In the throat, air garbled against the carved rocks, water dripping down from the stalactites in slow, heavy plops. A sandy tongue stretching out from opening to depths unknown paved the path, a long traverse into the belly of the geologic beast. Still, Lin slipped past sharp limestone teeth and entered.It was dark, light soon fading as his journey took him deep and down into the cavern.

He shivered, drawing his clothes around him; Mama would be angry if she saw. She always warned her youngest - her smallest - against the cold of the ocean. This cave, set on the shore, was no different, and the little boy feared quick he should freeze if he stayed long. But quick as he made to turn, a splash caught his ear. 

He froze, eyes wide in the darkness; in the cold clutches of the cave, he was not alone.

                                          BABY POV

    The world was new and shiny to a small merbabe alone for the first time. Having woken up to mama not insight, he had fussed a bit in the warm tidepool before noticing a flashy shiny in front of him.

Fussing he wiggled out of the bed and landed on the sandy floor gently. Free now the azure babe then spent the next while trying to catch it, till he found if he wiggled a bit the shiny wiggled too!

Excited he chased the wiggly around and around, before falling over into a summersault, where the babe felt a cool air touch him before falling back into the pool with a ‘pop! as his tail hit the water.

A bit dazed while lying on the floor, when he noticed soft glowy things above his head rolling over on his belly he climbed his way up a sandy slope determined to touch the pretty lights.

Only for when his curly head popped above the surface to see wide blue eyes staring back at him from the waters edge. At seeing this new creature the little merling let out a series of eager coos, all the while wiggling his tail excitedly splashing the water behind him.

                                             LIN POV

  Lin squeaked, falling back on his rear in alarm at the sudden appearance of the little beastling. He looked up over his chest, heart pounding.

It was an infant by all appearances, bright blue skin and soft pupil-less red eyes. A thick curly mess of navy hair sat wet atop their head, bangs splattered against their face as they peered out from the shallow pool at the small boy.

Lin blinked; alarm faded to interest. The baby - it had to be - finally broke out into a grin, squealing excitedly. The sound was broken by a splash. Lin gasped; behind the baby, something moved in the ominous waters.

Young he may have been. Inexperienced and unlike Mama. But still he was driven to do his best. To help those on need.

He scrambled to his feet, tiny hands flexing instinctively against the familiar, still wild magic flowing into his system. He'd just about prepared to let it loose when the sun came up through a hole in the rocky walls, spilling light into the cavern and sweeping the darkness away.

The pool, once cold and eerie, purified into a shimmering turquoise shallow.

And then Lin saw it again, shifting beneath the water. Not a fish nor monster. A tail; shiny and brilliant blue, like the baby boy it belonged to. Lin's magic faltered as a gasp left his mouth and awe struck him.

                                          Baby POV

Seeing the other one backing away, the babe let out a small whine tail wiggling back and forth eagerly. However what caught the merchild’s attention was a familiar spark in the air as when his mama would make pretty lights for him.

“Maaama?” excited the eager babe looked around all the while trying to climb future out of the pool. 

Eyes focused on the green boy in front of him who had drawn nearer to him eyes wide. With small chubby hands he pulled himself future up. Completely out of the water now he started to tire feeling the drag starting to weigh him down.

And started to feel hungry also, sniffing the air his nose detected a tasty scent coming from the cloth the green boy wore. Reaching towards the scent, which in reality was flailing his chubby hands around while he stayed in place on his belly cooing.

                                               LIN POV

Lin backed up slightly, uncertain about the strange half fish being. But as he watched the tiny creature haul itself onto land, tail flapping against the sand, the fear faded to curiosity.

 Hearing the little thing cry out for Mama (which was strange because Lin had never seen him around Mama before), he felt a pang of sympathy. Fishing around his pockets, the little boy felt around before pulling out a small packet of crackers he'd snuck from the kitchen that morning.

                                           Selena’s POV

    Swiftly a slender shadow passed beneath the waves, gathering the offerings the villagers had cast into the sea earlier. From lovely glass figurines and even lovelier gem encrusted bracelets and necklaces, though her personal favorites were the juicy garlic bulbs and various other vegetables.

Still she found enough room in her purse to include the softest furs. Placing the last offering into the ruby encrusted purse, Selena finally paused for a moment to catch her breath. Laying against the sandy sea floor she let the rippling waves wash over her.

As she lay resting a shadow fly overhead.

Alert now the mermaid pushed herself off the sea floor and with one powerful thrust of the tail she rose to the surface.

As soon as her head rose above the waves Selena was meet with indigent honks from a very worried familiar crane flying in circles over head. Concerned she swiftly took out a golden necklace from her purse.

On the end was a polished jasper, bringing it to her lips Selena gave the stone a gentle kiss.

It hummed in response before giving off a gentle glow, peering into the emerald gem. Selena saw her own merbabe with a curious little boy next to him, feeding her son with what appeared to be crackers.

Seeing the chartreuse child feeding her son gave her pause, the child seemed uncertain, yet kind in his gestures towards the baby next to him.

Looking back up she singled to Yuon who still flew overhead worried. With a soft honk she flew off. Selena turned to follow her ruby eyes intent on the vision in front of her.

Seeing both of them start to shiver, she blew into a spell into the gem. The enchantment seemed to have worked as the sun cast a warm glow about the cave through a small opening and a gentle warm breeze circled the two small beings. Soon her babe was giggling and smiling again at older boy who was reaching out tentatively in awe towards her son.

Sensing no danger she felt the panic leave her slightly. Still she swam fast against the waves making her way back with a friend watching out overhead.

                                               LIN POV

Back at the cave, Lin had long since traded wariness for wonder, sitting eager at the edge of the tide pool, tossing cracker upon cracker to the aquatic baby below the water. He giggled at every flick of a tail, pale blue eyes sharp and attentive, never releasing the younger being from view. 

He paused as his hand hit cardboard and frowned; tilting the box, he made a soft noise of dismay to see it empty. He'd drained the entire thing to the sea creature and had not one crumb left to spare. A pout formed, lip stuck out.

 Mama was NOT going to be happy.

                                               Baby POV  

   Playing in the small tide pool the baby was delighted at the tasty treats the older boy tossed his way. When one would hit the surface the baby boy would quickly snatch it up and eat it eagerly.

This went on for several minutes, with the merbabe eager for the delicious oyster crackers. Til he heard the older boy give a whine of dismay, popping his head above water he peered out curiously with bright solid ruby eyes as the older boy searched in the folds of his yukata. Only to come up with empty hands. 

He looked back at the baby with a slight pout on his lips,that turned into a gentle smile at seeing the little one’s own giggling smile. Impatient the baby reached out with chubby hands towards Lin, all the while squealing out the same word repentantly.

��UP! UP!”  The baby keep exclaiming, excitedly and with a bit of a pout.

“You want up?” Lin asked amused, to which the baby merely kept babbling, shiny tail wiggling behind him. Pleading eyes looking up at him, Lin lower his own green hands into the water under the excited babe’s arms. Carefully he lifted the little one up out of the water. The baby gave a series of happy coos tail wiggling slightly back and forth, Lin gave the little beastling a reassuring smile, as the baby held chubby azure hands out giggling in delight. The older boy gave in to the plea, and brought the youngling to his chest, making sure to cradle the baby securely.

“Better?” He asked as the babe started to play with the folds of his yukata. Around them a gathering of small firefly’s began to dance as the two children began a impromptu a game of peekaboo. 

Unaware of a tall woman  watching them just a few yards away clothed in silks with skin the color of the ocean and a amused smile on her lips pulling at the faint scars on one side.

                                              General 

 Selena watched her son and this young newcomer for a few moments both of the little one’s taking delight, as the firefly’s danced around them as they played their little game.

Quietly she made her way closer, past the rock wall. “Hello, little one.” She murmured a few feet away from the boys. At the sound of her voice, her sweet Sass cried out,“Maaama!!!” Little tail slapping back and forth excitedly.

Meanwhile the small green child that held her babe stared up at her in surprised, grip tight on the excited merbabe he held. Selena gave them both a reassuring smile before bending down on one knee a few feet away from the pair.

“What’s your name sweetling?” She asked tone encouraging and soft. After a few moments the little boy cast light eyes downward and muttered out a single word.

"What a lovely name! Mine is Selena, and the little one that you’ve been taken such wonderful care is my baby Sass.” At the mention of his own name, the baby in Lin’s arms started babbling, chubby fists reaching out towards the lady. Still Selena made sure not to startle the young boy, instead she lifted a blue hand palm up into the air. Lin watched in amazement as fireflys floating around before landing carefully on each digit.

As bright eager eyes watched her, she hummed in a soothing tone to which the colorful little bugs began to dance. Taking flight once more, they danced and at the lady’s humming, the bright insects began to take various shapes.

Of a dog, of a crab, and to Sass’s delight a fish. Enraptured at the show, Lin shyly asked for a crow. Smiling the azure woman with a flick of the wrist had them line up to form a crow mid-air with even one firefly acting as a eye.

Lin began to clap in excitement, with little Sass giving the older boy a confused look, before joining in a moment later excitedly mimicking his new friend.

“I sense you have a bit of magic as well, would you like to show me?” Selena asked in a gentle tone. Lin baiting his lip for a moment, eventually nodded his head up and down and gave into to the Lady’s request. He laid the squealing babe down carefully on the rocky bank between the them. Looking up at the tall lady eagerly, Lin with a snap of his fingers summed a small will-o-wisp flame. It floating gently above the palm of his hand. As both the Selena and her babe gazed at it in wonder, solid ruby eyes shining brightly in the flames glow.

“It's absolutely lovely!” Selena exclaimed, while her small son merely squealed in delight at magical display.

Embolden Lin tried to summon another light and manged for a brief second to conjure both lights casting a warm glow about the cave as the firefly's danced about the flames. Still after a moment Lin felt them grow weaker and gradually dissipated. He looked up expecting to see disappoint in the faces of the two blue lady and baby.

So it was a relief to see the wonder and delight on the lady’s face, while the babe between them was preoccupied with trying to catch a pretty purse hanging off his mother’s shoulder.

“That was wonderful little one! Thank you.” After saying that she turned back to the eager blue baby trying to grab a pretty ruby off her purse. “Are you hungry my little piglet? And you Lin? I have some lovely fish and veggies, and would love it for you to join us.” At seeing her take out large garlic bulbs and slices of parrot fish wrapped in seaweed, Lin scooted closer stomach growling. Smiling assuredly Selena handed him a slice of fish wrapped up with garlic and seaweed. To which Lin bite into eagerly and was delighted by the fresh salty taste. Within a few moments it was all gone.

“Thank you kind Lady.” Lin said head bowed. She looked at him from where she was feeding Sass with thin strips of fish.  

“Your welcome Lin, now would you like to help me organize the gifts I received from the villagers?” At this the little boy perked up and watched with bright eyes as she began to pull out various gifts and treasure. As Lin watched his eyes got bigger and bigger as out of the tiny purse Selena pulled out countless treasures from pretty glass animal figurines, and jewels to mirrors and necklaces.

 Lin was enchanted by the dazzling objects, while the baby paid no heed to the wonderful display and merely concentrated on trying to catch his silver tail. One treasure in particular caught the young boy’s attention.

That of a small golden mouse with tiny webbed feet posed curled up fast asleep. Selena took notice, amused she asked.

“Would you like to hold this for me Lin?” At hearing the child’s excited “Yes please!” And with how quickly the boy shuffled forward, she let out a light-hearted chuckle. Scooping the tiny treasure up she passed it into Lin’s eager hands.

He sat on his hunches admiring the glass figurine. Selena bent her head slightly downward over the small green hands that held the glass mouse reverently.

“It’s so very life like isn’t it?” Selena asked the little boy, her voice soft.

He nodded, eyes bright and full of wonder as he touched the small glass mouse.

“Let’s wake this one up from his slumber, what do you say sweetie?” Lin looked up confused at the women’s words. She merely smiled in return, with a wave of her hand a single firefly flew down to land on top the figure.

And with a brief bright glow the lightening insect disappeared inside the mouse. Who a mere moment later opened it’s eyes and let out a pleased squeak at the startled boy who held it.

“Is it real?” Lin asked excited looking up at the tall lady.

“Feel him, and you’ll find he’s quite alive” At her words Lin carefully ran a finger atop the mouse’s head, to which the glass rodent purred in appreciation.

“He seems to like you Lin, he may stay with you, of course only if you want a companion.” Selena mused as she watched the mouse run up and across the young boy before settling in the crook of a viridescent neck.

Lin petting the glass mouse now snuggled against him looked up with a grin before replying. “Thank you Lady!” At this the woman smiled before turning back to her cooing son and feeding him more fish strips.

The rest of the evening past in this way, with the sea goddess dazzling her son and Lin with fantastic displays of magic while they munched on tasty sushi. Still soon the sun began to fall and the rays that lit the cave entrance. And Selena felt the call of the sea beckoning her home.

Still, she felt a duty to the child who was now rubbing his eyes, who she was amused to see her baby mimicking the older boy rubbing his own eyes also. “

The sun is getting low now, it’s soon be time for us to go home, and you must have a mama worried at home Lin.” At this the green child bite his lip nervously hands fiddling with his yakata brushing small grains of sand off.

“It’s okay Lin, I’ll help you home.” Standing up as she said this, cradling her now sleepy baby tightly against her chest Selena held her hand out to Lin  And after the briefest of moment Lin quickly put the newly named Aqua into a pocket, before shyly taking the tall lady’s hand.

Giving her a cheeky grin the eager witch-child, a cerulean sea goddess and her sleepy merbabe made their way out of the cave, guided by the suns pink fading rays as they walked along the beach. With a white Heron gliding lazily over head making sure the path was clear ahead.

                                           CENINA POV

Cenina stood amongst the rocks along the shore, lips pursed. Pale violet eyes stared out into the sea, scanning the waves for any signs of life. Despite her otherwise quiet state, her heart pounding in her chest as worry nibbled everlasting at her nerves. The normally dull chartreuse of her skin had since become a pale yellow from confined fraught. Six hours early, she’d set her youngest son out in the yard to play, out of her hair in a safely concealed pen extending from the side of the house to the brambles sitting just before the shoreline. She’d left him there under the eye of his older brother. Who, evidently, was just as lax as he was troublesome.

“For a few hours,” she’d told the grumbling Coxio, “I need to finish a spell and I can’t with your little brother running amok underfoot. You know how he is. Just keep him in sight and don’t let him wander.” “Yes, Mama” he’d growled, scuffing the ground with his sandal. Even she knew her eldest would do little to heed her words and so put her trust more into the fencing to keep her littlest in. A mistake she now recognized; Lin’s magic was more delayed than his brother’s and she admitted to having put little faith in its development other than a few wisps and sparks. Fate, it seemed, drew her a rude gesture.

Somehow - she still wasn’t quite certain - Lin had managed to breach the barrier keeping him confined to the yard and had wandered off to God knows where. Cenina herself had no idea, not a faint clue her youngest had vanished until she’d walked out hours later only to find a hole in the barrier and Coxio fast asleep on a nearby rock, completely oblivious. Once the shouting had ceased, she’d flown into a harried search, scouring up and down the beach for her wayward son. At most, all she got were footprints left in the sand, reaching up to a point where the waters washed them away. Her heart had dropped at the sight. He couldn’t have gone into the ocean - she would have sensed at the very least if he’d perished or was hurt. That small notion, however feeble, was all that kept her from panicking and losing control. She swallowed thickly, feeling the beast inside stir. No, she had to remain calm; for her children’s sake, and her own. Releasing the monster would only make things worse, no matter how much better it would feel. Or how much faster it’d help her find him. The risks were too high. And she’d rather find her son and bring him home as one, rather than in pieces.

A run with the wolf was never a run she’d want for him. Thus she instead bottled her fear, her angry and worry up and stood amongst the shoreline, dark hair wiping in the wind, searching through naked eyes and ears, hoping to spot-

She froze, senses alert. There, off to the east - a figure. Small, drenched and tired, but running with a big smile on his face. Familiar pale blue eyes shone with joy, the green of his skin golden in the setting sunlight and sand flying from his hair. “Lin-!” she gasped out, breaking off into a run before thought could take hold. He met her halfway with a laugh, captured in her arms in a tight hold. She lifted him from the sand, paying no mind to the water soaking her robes, and buried her face into his hair. Lin’s soft coo of contentment eased the rapid pulse of her heart, her joy too much to conceal a bright, fanged smile. Even so- “What were you thinking?! Do you know how much of scare you gave me?” she scolded her child, pulling him back far enough to look him over; aside from being wet and slightly shivering in the cold air, he appeared uninjured and alright. Hearing her lecture, Lin’s face fell.

“‘M sorry…” he mumbled, hands fisting the fabric of his mother's outer cloak. “I didn't mean to run away.”

Cenina's eyes softened a touch even if her tone did not.

“Don't even scare me again, pup” was all she said, stroking the toddler's damp hair. Lin nodded in response, burrowing deep into the crook of his mother's neck.

She frowned as something wriggled against her skin.

“Lin…”

Her child's guilty look was all she needed. Sighing in exasperation, she pulled him back, expectancy in her eyes. Swallowing, he hesitantly stuck his hand into the folds of his yukata.

Upon seeing the tiny creature pulled from its depths, Cenina made a noise of alarm. Her son pouted, eyes hopeful and expression fully played.

“Please, Mama? I'll take good care of him!”

“Lin, you know why you can't-”

“I'll keep him away from you, promise!”

Feeling a headache grow, Cenina groaned, rubbing her temple. “Where did you get him?” she managed after a moment of processing.

“The nice fish lady gave him to me!”

All movements stopped. Cenina's eyes snapped open.

“The what?”

“Pretty fish lady!” Lin's smile was everlasting, bright as a sun, unaware of the growling cold storm swelling within his mother.

“Lin…” she grasped her son tight, staring him dead in the eyes. Her voice was hard and cold with concern. “What lady?”

Unperturbed by his mother's worry, he beamed still and pointed out to sea. Cenina's gaze follow him until they both stopped. She stared, all thoughts vanishing in place of astonishment. There, floating off in the dark blue waves, was a creature of myth.

Her cerulean skin matched with the ocean, providing camouflage so perfect had Cenina been any less than she were she'd have missed it completely. Solid red eyes gleamed out from the blue, meeting pale violet set.

A silent but expressive connection passed, the understanding between two beings not as women but mothers.

Cenina held her gaze, not a smidge intimidated.

Then, as the moment passed, the mermaid gave a smile and dove back under the waves, disappearing from the sight of the Witch and her kin back into legend. Cenina continued to stare out into the ocean a moment longer before turning away. She glanced down at Lin, her pup.

“Come” she murmured, cradling him close. “Let's go find your brother.”

Above the waves, a heron sang.

[theimperialists]

Symphony of Silvermoon: The Imperialist Funerals

[16:55:12] [RW] [110:Sanarissa]: The funeral pyre was constructed over the past few hours, and Eldin'arcus' body has already been laid onto it. They would not light the pyre until everyone had said their peace. Either in memory to the King, or to their fallen comrades.

[16:55:47] Alarthan Sunbreaker looked at Eldins body upon the Pyre, and slowly pulls out a medallion and old banner, dusty and ripped. If one looked, a sun crest was upon each, and he gently stepped forward, to place them both at the middle of the Pyre. He bowed his head,

[16:55:47] Alarthan Sunbreaker and spoke a few words in whispers

[16:57:54] [S] [110:Fangzi Silverpaw]: Come now. Are these not your allies?

[16:57:57] Alarthan Sunbreaker after speaking his peace, and a new look of determination he backs away, a few tears in his eyes.

[16:58:06] Ke'alda Sunfire frowns with disappointment at Fangzi

[16:59:02] Catriah Phoenixhearth frowns softly as she watched Sunbreaker put his house crest down onto the pyre. She did not feel honor to go up next for her late join to her allies.

[16:59:54] Ke'alda Sunfire frowns looking at the dress she was wearing, it was the one she wore when she had first fallen for him.

[16:59:58] Sanarissa Firewing lingered in front of the pyre, the hand not in a sling resting on the back of Merriena's head. She was quiet, odd for the Grand Magistrix, focused on watching the others move forward and speak.

[17:00:22] Ke'alda Sunfire looked to the others. "May I begin with a few words?"

[17:00:42] Fangzi Silverpaw pats Ke'alda on the back, doing his best to encourage her.

[17:00:50] Catriah Phoenixhearth gives a solemn nod to the woman in gold silks.

[17:01:01] Sanarissa Firewing looked to Ke'alda, giving her a quick nod

[17:01:11] Ke'alda Sunfire steps up closer to the others, trying to be in front of the group but not block the pyre.

[17:01:35] In quiet contemplation, Alorian mourns the loss of the dead.

[17:02:01] Sanarissa Firewing glanced back over her shoulder, looking to Instana for the first time and giving her a tired attempt at a smile, before turning her attention back to Ke'alda.

[17:02:06] Fangzi Silverpaw removes his hat and scarf, as a respect to the fallen.

[17:02:56] [S] [70:Ke'alda Sunfire]: Pain and loss, it does horrible things, pain, we all feelt it, but on this day we feel it not individually, but together, today we mourn the loss of many, some loved, other friends, today I mourn the love of my ife, the man who was to father our children  but as I mourn hik, I remember all of his achievements, I remember all he has done for our home and our people, for us, his family and friends, he was a hero, though even if he made mistakes a plenty, it was all in an attmpt to better the order, to bette  better us, he was a hero, not just to me, but to all of our people, he will forever be remembered by all of us, and his dreams will live on through me, I will try my best to furthur his legacy, but know, even if he does not have a statue erect, he will a  always be remembered by us! Blood for blood! *she nodded slowly moving away*

[17:06:08] Lüneth Dawnseeker watches the pyre with a heavy jaded heart. His eyes dry, pale, and mirroring the golden radiance before them in measured, resonating supplication. For all his praise and fealty, this moment his words fail him... He is at a loss, but his gaze still   upturns to the shrine in  silence plea, begging for the wisdom that had always shewn itself when he hid beneath it's shepherding shadow. He prays in undertone for his voice to return to him, the voice that Dath'Remar blessed them all with, "Al'ar..   ungird this foolish, heartrent tongue of mine.

[17:06:51] [S] [110:Alarthan Sunbreaker]: Blood for Blood

[17:07:11] Catriah Phoenixhearth nods as she holds the broken shield tighter til her fingers were turning white.

[17:07:19] Firioniel Bloodsworn grimly moves forward, and kneels, before the Pyre.

[17:07:35] Firioniel Bloodsworn Firion approached the pyre at last, his head bowed, kneeling before it with Devastation in his grip. He places the axe before himself, and says, aloud, for all to hear: "We all had our own reasons for taking up this cause. Some sought glory, some   titles, or trinkets..But I...I wished nothing more than to bring you to the Throne, to see you rule over a unified Quel'thalas, for a better tomorrow. Were it that when you knighted me I could take it back, in exchange to see you rule, to see our   people happy and prosperous as they had been when King Anasterian yet still lived. I knew your wisdom, your devotion, and your willpower to see it through was true. I am only sorry I could not...be your right hand, that I could not wield   Devastation as your Champion well enough to...save you. But your sacrifice will never...be in vain...I'll remember....it...With every breath. With every...last fragment left in my heart and my body, and I know my friends who fell beside you  believed in our cause just as much of all of us did. Even though there were such terrible sacrifices and we lost so many we cared for...All Sin'dorei came together, in the end, which is what I know you would have wanted, my King...Please...be at   peace knowing your people mourn, and they will carry on, in your memory." He ends his speech on that note, and steps away, allowing anyone else to come forward.

[17:09:13] Catriah Phoenixhearth slowly walks to the pyre trying her best to keep her head held high.

[17:09:52] Solidorei Bloodsworn clasps Firion warmly on the shoulder, to bolster him, as he left the pyre

[17:10:10] As the Shieldmaiden kneeld, her broken shield glowed faintly. Her legs were lead...her mind barely there. But her heart was full of grief and guilt as she lays her Isle's flag down along with one half of the shield.   

[17:10:22] Ke'alda Sunfire wipes her face only able to hold her tears while she spoke.

[17:10:46] Fangzi Silverpaw offers his scarf to Ke'alda, so that she may dry her tears.

[17:11:08] [S] [102:Catriah Phoenixhearth]: [Thalassian] "I....*rubs her throat as she takes a deep breath* I have never been good with words...so I shall be brief. My family swore to protect the Sunstriders once...and we swore to never do it again. But today...I have no regrets for coming...my only regrets. ...is that I came far to late. *takes another deep breath* We live on with the fallen..and carry through legacy through words...and through our blood. Blood for Blood...May Light give our King Sunstrider peace as he so deserved."

[17:12:12] Solidorei Bloodsworn smooths a hand at Luneth's back, gently, and then looks on to listen to Catriah.

[17:12:28] Catriah Phoenixhearth slowly forces herself to walk away, carrying the other half of the shield as a grim reminder for her life to look upon.

[17:12:42] [S] [110:Alarthan Sunbreaker]: Blood for Blood

[17:14:02] Dalheim Windchaser nudges his weight off Giger and walks forward, his gait a little stiff. Unaccustomed to speeches, he keeps his eyes on the pyre rather than the crowd.

[17:14:29] [S] [110:Dalheim Windchaser]: I never thought that I would be unfortunate enough to witness the loss of three Sunstriders within my lifespan. It's tragic. Unthinkable... Eldin'Arcus Sunstrider's time with us was short but dedicated solely to his people. He came to the Sindorei during   a dark time and served immediately as our light. He saw our wounds, and without hestitation, he set on a path to mend them, to strengthen us, to unite our people. There is no greater cause than that you lead us in, and no greater sacrifice than that which you freely gave. Your legacy will be remembered. Anu belore dela'na.

[17:18:27] [S] [110:Fangzi Silverpaw]: If you would let me, I have a few words to say.

[17:18:37] Sanarissa Firewing nodded.

[17:18:53] Fangzi Silverpaw steps up towards the pyre, bowing in memory ofthe fallen King.

[17:18:59] Fangzi Silverpaw bows down graciously.

[17:19:49] [S] [110:Fangzi Silverpaw]: My friends, I must admit... I am a stranger to you all, and you are a stranger to me. But I have heard much of your King.  Long, long ago, in my home of Pandaria, we too had a king. And his name was Shaohao. He faced a difficult rule, and when he saw his Fate, he saw only destruction in his rule. Shaohao went through many trials and tribulations, proving himself to his   people. To show that he would be a great Emperor. And from what I have heard, your King has done the same. : In the end, the rule of Shaohao never came to pass. By the time he had finished his trials, destruction had already come. As such, in a final act of love for his people, he sacrificed himself to defend all of Pandaria! In the story of your King,   Eldin'arcus, I can see many mirrors. In Revoltus, he, too, gave his life. He gave his life out of the love for his people. He gave his life as an equal.

[17:24:47] Firioniel Bloodsworn bows his head, solemnly, and then, almost as if stirred from a dream, inclined his head in acknowledgment towards Merilium. He swallowed, tears in his eyes, sorrow-stricken, but he was glad to see Meri here. He lowered his head respectfully at Fangzi.  He had great respect for Pandaren and to hear such tales did resonate with him.

[17:24:59] [S] [110:Fangzi Silverpaw]: Shaohao was known as the greatest Emperor, even if he never wore the crown or sat on the throne. And so, too, will Eldin'arcus be rememebred as one of the greatest of your Kings. Fangzi Silverpaw bows, leaving them with those words. He then takes his place among the crowd.

[17:25:27] Fangzi Silverpaw bows down graciously

[17:36:43] Sanarissa Firewing sighed lowly, moving closer to the pyre, removing her hand off of Merriena's head and moving closer. She hesitated for a moment, before removing the Crown of Anasterian from Eldin'arcus' brow. She turned it over in her hands for a moment before stepping

[17:36:43] Sanarissa Firewing back. Her eyes lingered on the face of the King, before looking towards her comrades. She would look to Luneth then, giving him a nod. It was time. She stepped aside to allow him his own speech and for him to light the pyre.

Luneth Dawnseeker approaches the pyre, and conjures from the bottom of his overwrought soul to take every last spark within himself.  A great pillar of fire rains down from the very heavens itself and lights the pyre ablaze in cleansing dancing, weaving, glowing cinders. Taking in its warmth and glory, gazing with solemn reverence to the body of their grand heir as he is consumed… How perfect he seems, even in death. That he might rise up in a blaze of phoenix flame before them at any moment. “My friends, my kin, Sin’dorei… This very shrine of whom we commemorate are why we are all here... The original dissenters. The Sunstriders. Those who taught us how to cry out with a voice of our own... Against any whom would threaten to take what belongs to us.” He clasps his hand behind his back, one palm over his wrist as the fires rage in incensing sorrow. “I pilgrimage here weekly.. For supplication, for reflection.. To remind myself that we are descended from a great and steadfast dissenter. Nearly seven thousand years ago, our Lord and Shepherd Dath'Remar first landed upon these shores because he refused to deny us our birthright.” His eyes do not tear from the flames as he speaks in florid, but steadfast tones, his voice resonating around them, “In those grim and tempestuous days my family Dawnstrider, swore an oath that it would defend the Sunstrider lineage until the end of days, till the end of our people as whole. Till the sun sets one last time. My existence, my life, since the first days of my birth, were consumed by the freeing flames of the Sunstriders.

My existence, my life, since the first days of my birth, were consumed by the freeing flames of the Sunstriders.  This shrine represents the very namesake of my bloodline, the little title we gave ourselves… Seekers of the Dawn, loyal subjects who will follow even the very pinpoint of light that peeks across the horizon.” Measured and patient, he had toiled all these years for them, searching for that light… it had come.. and now it was gone again, “We focus so much on the individual, we forget that they are in their own way simply passing illusion.  They are born, they grow, they learn, they die.  This is natural, but what is eternal - what is truly forever - is an ideal.  A way of life.  I have realized in my mere hundred and fifty years of life, that to focus on a single person or bloodline is to lose sight of what is truly important.

Dath'Remar's bloodline was great; indeed, it defined our homeland. Quel'Thalas itself is the proof of Dath'Remar's line.  The High King gave us his lineage, not in the blood of his sons, but in this Kingdom. My family understood that it was not to one elf, or even a line of elves, that we truly owed our allegiance - it was to the Legacy of the one that saved us all, to the one that stood and continues to stand above all others in all the annals of history.  Dath'Remar did not command us 'go forth, and serve my line'.  No, he commanded 'go forth, and make this dream a reality'.  Quel'Thalas is his legacy.

The Sunstrider legacy.  He is in the stones, in the grass, in the trees - the very air… Eldin’arcus’s blood is with us within our very veins as we speak, lifting us up on the phoenix wings his legacy blessed us with.” Luneth finally turns to his comrades and opens his arms, tears peeling down his sullen and somber vision, “Not all tears are evil, my dear friends, but do not mourn a single elf - rejoice, instead, in the existence of the truest remnant of a Dynasty that has never truly failed us.  Revel in the eternal life of Dath'Remar, that we see all around us every day of our blessed lives, and know that our greatest leader - our savior! - succeeded.  He defied fate, and he /won/.  Our very lives are proof.  Quel'thalas lives, the Blood Elves live.  For Dath'Remar. For Eldin’arcus. Blood for Blood."

[17:38:00] Merilium Sundance touches Firion's arm with his free hand and gives it a squeeze.

[17:38:57] Firioniel Bloodsworn swallowed, and steeled himself, as he was touched, and just moved to squeeze Meri's hand, in solidarity. For comfort. And for strength.

[17:39:01] Sanarissa Firewing cleared her throat, trying to raise her voice loud enough to be heard. Her voice was hard and rasping, dipping out in the middle of words. "Morz..anmius. Vyn...tael. Celthris. Jeiut. And Eldin'arcus." She paused then, clearing her throat again and trying

[17:39:01] Sanarissa Firewing to make it easier to speak. It wasn't. She could not use the words that she wanted to, and that clearly bothered her. But she continued. "The King - had a son. Told me before...before he passed. It is not...in vain. Their death." She stepped away from the

[17:39:01] Sanarissa Firewing pyre, not giving it another look. "Remember them."

[17:41:03] Dalheim Windchaser grips his fist a bit more tightly at the mention of a son. There was still more to be done.

[17:41:48] Instana Netherwatch waited until they finished, then stepped forward to look into the pyre.  

[17:42:23] [S] [110:Instana Netherwatch]: "We are born, we live, and we die. Most believe that to be the end of our stories, that death is the closing of a book on a life well-lived. However, my family believed that the phoenix was sacred, that it's cycles of birth, life, death, and rebirth were  symbolic of the cycles we go through ourselves. That death is not the true ending for us, and we are reborn anew in the fires of creation Celthris, I didn't know you well, but know that I deeply respected you.  Wherever you are within the Nether, I hope you find some measure of peace. For you, my King; I spoke ill of you often, remaining critical of your ideas for our people even to now. I don't think I will ever completely agree with your vision for our future. What I do know, what everyone now knows, is that you cared for your  people. More so than anyone ever gave you credit for. Your sacrifice is an inspiration and a reminder to all of us to be more than we think we can be, to be nobler and brighter than our former selves."

 "Vyntael. You stupid, arrogant, naive, inspirational fool. I," her voice broke, and she paused a moment to keep the tears at bay, "I needled you endlessly, belittling you for your faults. My last words to you were a jest at your expense, a means to bully you into not throwing your life away for something like this."

[17:44:36] Ke'alda Sunfire cries.

[17:45:09] Ke'alda Sunfire whisperes to herself through tears. "He deserved better..."

[17:46:06] [S] [110:Instana Netherwatch]: "I was wrong to do so, to tear at you like that. Especially now, when you have taught me something. Despite what anyone ever said to you, despite what abuse you suffered, you held true to your belief that one day, we would rise again beneath a new dawn. Like the King you so loved, you are an example for us to follow for the future."

[17:46:35] Dorlazuria Sunsun gives a compassionate back pat to Luneth.

[17:46:59] [S] [110:Instana Netherwatch]: "Wherever you all are, I hope you walk well beneath the Sun, and may you all, someday, rise again."

[17:47:23] Instana Netherwatch quietly ducked back into place, her head held low.

[17:49:18] [RW] [110:Sanarissa]: The pyre burned, engulfing the King. But there was more to be done. This was no end for the Imperialists. Only the beginning.