#*dodges romantically interacting with them at every chance*

[hampterguts]

playing a game where romance routes are optional is so strangely stressful. just like real life, a character can say "wow, [player] gets me" and then the first dialogue option is to begin romancing them so i simply look away and pretend i didnt see that, for their sake

[strwbrryblues]

Lowkey [3]

Pairings: Lee Minho | Lee Know x Fem!Reader

Genre: Exes to Lovers, Exes with Benefits (lmao, it is), Angst, Fluff, Smut (probably eventual), College AU

Warnings: Alcohol, Reader is Bisexual—implied, Felix is also Bi in here (i think?), Smut but also not really smut, not proofread properly

Chapter Warnings: Suggestive, Not proofread

Word Count: 2.1k

Chapter Synopsis: More thoughts and decisions are made, and you get to have three surprises in one day, isn’t that just great?

I do not condone to having minors on my blog, I also do not wish for minors to even interact with any of my adult fics.

This is not a representation of the Stray Kids members, and is completely fictional. If you think it is, don’t even read at all. I don’t like it when people relate fiction to reality when those are completely different things.

© March 2022, strwbrryblues. All rights reserved.

Previous Chapter | Lowkey Masterlist | Lowkey Synopsis | Next Chapter

It was already bad enough to have regrets the morning you woke up that weekend; bombarded with questions, because apparently Yeji remembered everything; and it included the shameless screams of Felix, going “Y/n got laid!” You weren’t hungover, but with the two’s constant bothering, you felt you were.

It didn’t stop there. You thought the whole “exes with benefits” ordeal was just a joke—despite being honestly addicted to Minho’s touches—that is, until you got a message, 15 minutes before your next class. On a Monday morning.

Unknown

09:30     Meet me at DH308 in 5

You were baffled at first to see such a demanding command from an unknown number, and was just about to block them, until another ping starts, and the message pops up.

Unknown

09:31     This is Minho btw

You resisted the urge to roll your eyes. That explains the dance hall room. If Felix were to give you a dance hall room, it was always 301.

Now that you think about it, you felt stupid for thinking that this whole arrangement you agreed to, was even a joke. Was it Moron Monday for you to be so idiotic on a Monday morning? You thought so.

Sighing, you couldn’t even feel mad anymore. Sending him a short reply, as well as changing his contact I.D., you went on your way for a detour, whilst thinking this could be a good chance to back out from the arrangement. You thought no good was going to come out of this, so it was better to just come out honestly and say that this could mess up either of you.

You honestly have feelings for him. It wasn’t fully romantic like how you felt in your high school years but it also wasn’t resentment. It was just the light feeling of sadness and confusion. Because no matter how you both ended in good terms, you’ve always pondered how everything seemed vague. A relationship ended in good terms, would not have ended in the other crying, or both parties completely ignoring each other the next—especially with him promising you’d at least still be friends.

Your whole trip of going down memory lane once more, had led you to where the dance rooms were. Almost tripping your way up the 3rd floor, you were greeted by Felix’s sweet voice. “Moonshine! What are you doing here?” His cute little nickname for you resounded the almost empty hallway.

Of course, you froze. You forgot Felix have International Dance every Monday, and it’s usually held on the third floor, just a few rooms away from where Minho had asked you to meet him.

Now, you were good at dodging questions, as well as evading attention, but you had no way out of this one, other than cancelling on Minho, and going with Felix to his next class.

“I…” you paused, deciding that you’d cancel for now, “came here to pick you up.” You looked wide eyed, sweat forming on your forehead as you hoped he bite the hook.

Felix blinked, before giving a very wide smile, gently speaking out, “you’re very sweet.”

One thing you hated the most, was lying to Felix. And in your mind, you were already beating yourself up for even lying to the sweet boy.

“Would it be alright if you walk me to class?” The freckled boy asked, latching onto your arm and laying his head on your shoulder.

For a minute, you felt guilt and nervousness, but then his sweet and affectionate demeanor had stopped your trains of thoughts of anxiety. You sighed a bit contently, “yeah, it’s okay.” And you honestly would not mind, even if you’d come late to class, because his class was sadly at the other end of the campus.

“I’ll make it up to you at lunch, yeah?” He grinned. His cheery smile prompted you to ruffle his hair playfully.

Yeah…It was a good decision to skip for now. You thanked Felix internally for being your happy pill. But of course, you were still admittedly feeling wrong for keeping something like this. You promised to yourself that you’ll let him know as soon as possible.

-----

It was in the middle of your next class, that only then you realized that you forgot to let Minho know that you were skipping. Only now having the time to reply to the notification that vibrated on your sweats' pocket, as the professor was turned away from the class, playing a video of the history of notable playwrights.

Sadly, it’s Minho

10:01     You ditched ☹️

You rolled your eyes at the obvious childish tone in his message, as well as the emoji.

Y/n

10:01     I forgot to message you

10:02     Felix passed by and I had to walk him to his next class

You waited for a reply but it was only recorded as seen. Thinking that he had nothing else to say, you were about to switch the notification to silent and start paying more attention to class, until another vibrate.

Sadly, it’s Minho

10:08     Oh..

10:08   How about right before you head to lunch?

Y/n

10:08     You’re crazy

Sadly, it’s Minho

10:09     After lunch, or after you finish eating?

This time, you really gave it some time to think, switching off your phone for awhile to not let any disturbance hinder your train of thoughts.

Weighing out the pros and cons of this whole arrangement, you listed first all the negative outcomes that will potentially come out of this. One, having an irreconcilable relationship with said man, if ever things go downhill. Two, feelings will definitely bloom once more, and you’re not ready to face that. Lastly, Felix finds out.

Then you looked at the pros. First and foremost, you won’t have to worry about Felix setting you up on dates, as long as you hint that you’re “kind of seeing someone.” Second, admittedly, that night you grinded yourself to climax with Minho, it felt good; and not just in terms of his pleasing movements, but you felt light. You felt like your burdens were lessened and the stress of all your homework was non existent. And of course, lastly, he’s hot.

Gone were his innocent look from when you met him first, back in your freshmen year of high school. You could almost deem his as a sex god, and it made you feel things.

Groaning quietly, you rested your head on the table, hiding behind the figures of your classmates up front who were listening to the lecture. Your mind somehow rewinding to that time, Hyunjin—Yeji’s brother, who became part of your little group friend—scolded you for not mingling with people and always burying yourself with studies. You remember very vividly his words, “hoe life, or no life,” with a matching pointed look.

You chuckled to yourself at his words, but you were sold. College would almost end for you; just a semester more, and you’re a senior with more loads to deal with, along with internships. No doubt, the pressure of being a graduating student would be different, and then work will come along; you’ll definitely have no time for anything else.

The heavy weight of the cons would have to be solved once you cross that bridge—figuring you’d just have to prepare yourself when that time comes. Right now, you somehow anticipated what high you’ll experience later, a different kind of adrenaline pooling your body.

Picking up your phone, you finally replied.

Y/n

10:21     Fine

10:21     I’ll meet you after lunch

Sadly, it’s Minho

10:22     :D

Y/n

10:22     You’re too horny

Sadly, it’s Minho

10:22     And yet you agree to meet me 😏

Y/n

10:23     Fuck you 😐

Sadly, it’s Minho

10:23     You mean I’ll fuck you? 🤔

Y/n

10:23     🖕

You rolled your eyes at the flow of conversation the flowed between you two. You left your phone to the side of your table, leaving it on mute as you started paying more attention to class. But of course, your mind wandered elsewhere. More specifically to your ex.

His touches were tantalizing, leaving a trail of burning sensation that you felt even till now. And it made you flush in embarrassment, despite the straight face your wore.

After being dismissed from an agonizing 3 hours of lecture, you were finally dismissed. The mixture of thoughts from the night of the party tangled itself with the lecture you were trying to mentally get a hold of, made your head hurt. You walked aimlessly out of the classroom, your shoulders bumping into others who rushed out as well.

Clutching on to your head, you didn’t notice someone had bumped into you with their whole body. The collision resulting in to that person dropping all their papers in hand, scattering everywhere.

“Oh my gosh, I am so sorry.” You quickly apologized, kneeling down and helping them pick up the papers.

The person kneeled as well, but stopped as they got a good look at you. “Y/n?” They muttered, making you look up to them.

Only then did you notice the familiar gentle looks of Seungmin.

“Didn’t think I’d run into you, quite literally at that.” He chuckled at his statement, taking from your hands the papers that you already picked up after not moving for a while. But his statement did make you laugh, how ironic it was considering you both shared a subject together back when you were on your second semester of your first year in college.

The taller boy had in one hand the papers he was holding, while he used the other to take you by your wrist and gently lift you up from the ground. “Are you hurt anywhere?” He asked, still not letting go of his gentle hold on your wrist as he scanned you around in case something was out of the ordinary.

“No, I’m quite alright.” You said reassuringly, which had Seungmin finally let go of you as he sighed in relief.

“I missed you,” he blurted out of the blue. Which in turn, made you whip your head in his direction to see he was grinning at you cheekily and teasingly.

“Ha ha. I missed you too.” You rolled your eyes sarcastically at him.

It was a playful banter both of you fell into especially since you both dated for some time during your second year in college. You both worked out well, but it didn’t last long, especially when Seungmin was a very studious person. Being a law student, who’s taken extracurricular activities and classes, as well as being part of the university’s debate team—a captain at that—he had little time to spare for you. The reason you came to the idea of dating him was because you wanted to try; but also because Felix set you up on a blind date with him, not knowing you’ve become acquainted with each other during your freshman year.

You both were friends in the end though. No hard feelings or whatsoever. And you actually became closer and you got to know more of each other as friends, and you were glad you could lean on him when times got rough, even if you don’t always see each other.

“What’s the reason of your visit on our department by the way?” You asked, eyeing the papers in his hands.

“Oh, you know how Mr. Park is our debate adviser, right?” He asked, starting to walk into the direction of your classroom from earlier. You nodded, remembering him making a note of that from before. “He gave us individual topics to research as our first homework for the club this semester. I just collected all of them, so I’m on my way to give them to Mr. Park.”

Deciding to spare a friend some time to catch up, you walked alongside him to your previous classroom. “Why not just drop them off on your club room?” You asked.

“Oh, I had to relay some questions from some of the club members,” he paused upon reaching the door of the classroom, then turned to you, “and I came here specifically to see you.” He winked, but you can hint on the teasing. You just rolled your eyes, turning the doorknob and pushing him inside.

“Just go in, while Mr. Park is still there,” you pointed to the older man in glasses, who was checking some of your class’s pop quiz papers from earlier.

“Mind waiting for me in a bit while I hand this to him?” Seungmin turned, slowly walking backwards as he looked at you, all the teasing in his face was gone and was replaced with the gentle friendliness he always wore.

“Oh, uh…sure.” You nodded, a bit unsure of why he asked for you to wait for him, as you clutched on the straps of your backpack.

Waiting by the side of the classroom’s door, you rocked on your heels back and forth, making out the mutters from inside where your professor and Seungmin were talking. You were spacing out again, until a shadow loomed over you.

You looked up to see the face of someone you dreaded, and hoped to not see at all.

[Next Chapter]

-----

Series Taglist: @endzii23 @letmeal0ne @dreamescapeswriting

A/N: HELLO! This was a bit rushed, but I didn't want to leave you guys hanging, so this is my way of letting everyone know I'm still alive and yes, the series is still on going.

Also, exams are nearing so please expect the slow updates 🥲 Also, thoughts on the current chapter are highly appreciated! 🥺💗

[astrella-writes]

prompt | @ssoftlydreaming​ asked: nfjsja ok from sweet home can you do lee eun-hyeok and basically he has to decide if he should risk the danger of everyone in the apartment complex or save reader who is outside and struggling to survive.

warnings | female pronouns, angst, spoilers for episode one of the netflix adaptation of sweet home, if you haven’t watched episode one complete then this won’t make much sense, panic attacks, the general horror of sweet home, eun-hyuk being a logical pain in the ass, somewhat of an open-ending.

word count | 1.7K

author’s note | i hope this satisfies your masochistic desires! i’m honestly so happy to have angst as my first request, and that isn’t sarcasm at all.

The sound of his descending footsteps echoing throughout the concrete stairwell became background noise to Eun-Hyuk as he stared at the unanswered messages he had sent you well over an hour ago. This was strange behavior coming from you, considering you usually responded back within minutes. Not wanting to jump to conclusions, he tried to think of a logical explanation to calm his increasing worries. Perhaps your phone died on your walk home, or you had to work over-time without a chance to inform him.

He was certain some minor inconvenience caused your abrupt absence, although he couldn’t shake off the unnerving feeling settling like a burden of tense muscles upon his shoulders. Realizing there wasn’t much more he could do, especially since all the calls he gave you went straight to voice mail, he decided to wait patiently for a reply from you and try to keep his thoughts clear during the meantime.

Eun-Hyuk stuffed his phone into his pocket as he finally reached the half-open double doors that led out onto the first floor, his ears immediately picking up on the commotion before he looked over at the front entrance that was blocked by the shutters. A group of people stood dispersed nearby, talking amongst themselves and watching one resident in particular as he tried tugging on the metal bracing that barely budged. The man sighed, dropping his arm and admitting defeat as he walked away from the shutters, mumbling to himself.

‘First the elevators aren’t working, and now this?’ he thought to himself, unimpressed with the current situation, especially since he had work that night. He wasn’t the only one annoyed by the circumstances as the surrounding people openly expressed their vexation. Although, unlike most of them, he remained calm and simply observed the scene with his hands in his pockets. Multiple residents spoke loud enough for him to catch on to the fact that the security guard was missing, which made little sense considering this was an issue for him to resolve.

“Excuse me?” a feminine voice sounded from behind him, causing him to turn around and look at the woman. “Do you have any service on your cell?” Despite having just been on his phone, Eun-Hyuk was so preoccupied with his thoughts regarding your whereabouts that he didn’t notice the minor detail of whether he had any service.

Pulling out his phone and unlocking it, he immediately dialed your number, taking the possibility to hopefully connect with you and find out where you were. When his ear met with a high-pitched ringing, Eun-Hyuk lowered the phone, lost in thought for a second before looking at the woman.

“I guess not,” he said, watching as her face dropped in disappointment and she turned to walk away, but he stopped her with a question. “What’s going on here?” 

The woman hesitated, wondering if anything was even worth sharing considering she would give him more questions than answers. She went on to explain how every main exit had been closed up, locking everyone inside. Although she speculated someone was behind this, she had no idea who it was and for what purpose it was done. 

The explanation caused Eun-Hyuk to swallow thickly before turning his gaze towards the concealed entrance. He stared for a moment, silently wishing for your safety.

                                                          ―――

A shrill ringing penetrated your ear, causing you to jerk your head away from your phone and hang up on your attempt at calling Eun-Hyuk. With a frustrated cry, you threw your cellphone upon the ground, hearing the shattering of the screen as it smacked face-first against the concrete.

On the verge of tears, you made yourself as small as possible in the alleyway's corner, pulling your knees up to your chest as you rested your forehead on top of them. Your breathing grew increasingly more labored as the sensation of dread and pure hopelessness consumed your mind.

Eun-Hyuk’s words repeated in your head during times like this, when you were at risk of having a panic attack. Stay still. Take slow breaths. Think of something nice.

You squeezed your eyes shut, allowing the gathering tears to flow freely down your cheeks as they gathered at the tip of your chin. Forcing yourself to take in deep breaths, your trembling body gradually stilled. Eventually, your thoughts morphed as you focused on your breathing, rather than the surrounding chaos.

Think of something nice.

Eun-Hyuk’s face filled your mind, the sight prompting a ghost of a smile. You recalled your first meeting which occurred almost a year ago, when you had just moved into Green Roof Apartments. Someone had suddenly removed the towering stack of boxes you were carrying from your hold, and just as you were about to thank the person for helping, you realized you recognized him.

It turns out that you both used to attend the same high school, although you weren’t in the same class, your friend group interacted with his friend group quite a lot. Seeing his face brought back all those times at lunch when you would sneakily try to steal glances at him without your friends noticing. They noticed, of course, and teased you relentlessly about your crush but they were nonetheless supportive. They even proposed setting you two up on a date, because a ‘little birdie’ told them he had been crushing on you too.

Unfortunately, you were in such denial that someone as handsome as him had feelings for you, and rejected the offer. He was simply unobtainable, the extent of your relationship never surpassing polite greetings and friendly smiles until you both graduated and never saw each other again. Or at least, that’s what you assumed would happen.

It seemed fate gave you two another chance, unsatisfied with your prior silent pining and not acting upon anything. Considering you both matured immensely, talking came easy, and it wasn’t long before a much deeper connection began blossoming between the both of you.

His sister reacted indifferently when she walked out into the hallway one day, only to witness the both of you moving suspiciously away from each other, as if trying to conceal something. She caught on immediately, especially since her brother had been mentioning you quite often.

“Seriously? He’s the best you can do?” She scoffed, eyeing her brother disapprovingly before pushing between the both of you and walking off. You stared at her retreating figure in shock, oblivious to the smile on Eun-Yoo’s face as she disappeared down the stairs.

Once his sister found out, Eun-Hyuk became increasingly more open in terms of your relationship. And eventually, after a long week of his sister degrading him for not moving to the next step, he asked you to be his girlfriend. It wasn’t the most romantic of set-up’s; he had knocked on your door and asked you so casually that you wondered if he was joking.

When he assured you he wasn’t, you almost knocked him off his feet from the abrupt hug you gave him, accepting his simple proposal.

The memory faded, and the realization hit you like a truck. Eun-Hyuk was waiting for you, and you couldn’t give up on him. Taking a deep breath, you got up from the ground, trying not to focus on the screams and sounds of destruction in the distance as you lightly jogged towards the entrance of the alleyway. You peered behind the wall and looked both ways. The coast was clear; it was now or never.

                                                           ―――

You raced around the corner, narrowly dodging the attention of a nearby monster as its head popped up from one of the many dumpsters lining the brick wall of Green Roof Apartments, the location you had been trying to reach from when this all started.

The sound of metal creaking, which you quickly recognized to be the shutters descending, urged your aching legs to run faster as the darkness before you faded the closer you got to the entrance. That’s when you noticed Eun-Hyuk struggling to keep the shutters open as a distraught woman crawled towards him. He reached out a hand towards her, just as he looked up and made eye contact with you. His eyes widened at the sight, although bloodied and bruised, you were very much alive. You smiled at him, relieved, feeling safe already.

That was until you heard a rustling coming from your right, along with animalistic groans, as if something was just stirring back to life after being immobilized and ready to lash out again. A flurry of panicked voices came from the lobby of the apartment, everyone watching in horror as the hunched-over silhouette of the monster with a snake-like tongue began recovering to its full height.

Luckily for you, the monster disregarded your presence as it ambled towards the entrance. You stood frozen in fear as the shadow of its body passed over you, the sound of its languid steps lulling you into a trance as your body trembled lightly. 

It was perceptible that trying to run past it would end in your demise, leaving you stuck on what to do. Your pleading eyes drifted towards Eun-Hyuk, hoping he would come up with a plan to distract the monster long enough so you could make a break for the gap underneath the shutters he had been holding open - a perfect enough size for you to slide under.

He stared you dead in the eyes as he dropped the shutters; the metal clanging loudly against the tiled floor. You blanched, staring back at him in disbelief. A semblance of guilt took over his features, and you shook your head in denial. 

Your eyes stung with tears, and you wondered whether to cry and beg for him to help you or keep the remaining bit of dignity you had left. The monster suddenly shot its tongue within the gaps of the barred metal and Eun-Hyuk disappeared from sight as he dodged; the trance you were in instantly dissipating as you came to terms with the situation.

He left you to fend for yourself, surrounded by a horde of monsters. You weren’t sure whether to give up or keep going, considering nothing seemed worth fighting for at the moment. 

Did he regret it? Of course. Would he do it again? Without question. Eun-Hyuk would sacrifice anyone to keep his sister safe, even you, and even himself.

[resonanthcpe]

But Auntie J, asked no one in particular, what do you really think about Ekko and Jinx? Do you ship ship them??

and my answer, dear someone, is that I do! Ekko is still grappling with his feelings for Powder/Jinx, he never got a chance to try and explore them thanks to Silco taking her in all those years ago. And with all that’s happened in that time, between Silco taking control of Zaun, Ekko putting together and leading the Firelights, building their haven, dodging Enforcers... He simply hasn’t been allowed to open his heart up to anyone. He hasn’t had the time.

Maybe he had a little fling with a fellow Firelight, maybe not, and even if he did, there were no real feelings there. Jinx is different. She stokes... far too many feelings in him. A yearning for simpler times, a desire to just have his best friend/crush back... anger at the atrocities she has committed, pity and guilt for how far she has fallen... Fantasies of holding her close and forgetting about all the pain and fighting, just for a little bit... 

Jinx is his weakness, and he knows it. Were it anyone else on that bridge in Episode 7, he would have killed them once he had them pinned down, keep them from causing any more harm. But not Jinx. He’s lost too many friends already, he can’t lose another. He got Vi back, but Vi is always with Caitlyn now, always has that support from her. Jinx has no one -- as far as Ekko is concerned, Silco is nothing but trouble. He only knows him for the horrors he has committed, only sees him as a toxic influence at best.  

He wants to be there for Jinx, offer her support since no one else seemingly will. 

I do ship Ekko and Jinx romantically. But, it’s far from wholesome. I mentioned it before, but even if they have sweet moments together, they will always be tainted by the damage that has been done to them both. Grief permeates their every interaction. It may even be toxic and/or abusive at times. Their ship name is called Timebomb for a variety of reasons, but one that always sticks out to me is that at some point, inevitably, there will be an explosion of self-sabotage. Will they weather that explosion and find a better future for themselves, or will it ruin them both completely? 

Only time will tell... Tick... Tock... Tick... Tock...

[kyoomiii]

♡ Confession mishaps [hcs]

-  ➣. . . ❝ hey i was wondering if you could do a kenma kuroo and bokuto (separately and if u do that many😂) where they try to ask their crush out but since the crush had been bullied in middle school, she thinks it’s a prank and kinda gets upset? thank u sm! ❞

― 𝚛𝚎𝚚𝚞𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚋𝚢: @ anonie ​ ―

- ✎ 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚜 ❝ kenma, kuroo, and bokuto ❞

- [ 𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚐𝚎𝚛 𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐(𝚜): there aren’t any explicit mentions of the bullying, however there are references to insecurities ]

- ⚘ 𝚐𝚎𝚗𝚛𝚎 ❝ fluff, angst if you squint ❞

❝ sorry for the long wait anonnie, but hopefully this is to your liking <3 ❞

-yoomi ♡

The experience as a whole is new to Kenma. He had never taken interest in people before, always wary but never seeking. 

He didn’t understand the clench of his heart, or the flush of his cheeks. He doesn’t know why you make his heart thunder in his chest, beating so quickly he fears it might pop out. 

He doesn’t get it, so he ignores it, let it be the way it is because thinking about it too much gives him a headache, it fills him with anxiety. 

On the other hand, Kuroo, he notices, sees the lingering glances from his friend and the gentle pink that dusts the apples of Kenma’s cheeks. He’s probably more excited about the whole ordeal than Kenma himself is, and he definitely can’t help that he feels he has to meddle a little, because at this point he fears Kenma will let the opportunity slip. Especially now as he inwardly cringes at Kenma's lack of motivation, despite the obvious (to him at least) longing in Kenma’s eyes.

“Kenma-”

“No.”

“You didn’t even know what I was going to say.”

“I don’t have to… I already know it’s going to be a bad idea.”

“Ouch, I was just going to say that you should tell y/n about your little crush, ya know before someone beats you to it.”

“I do not have a crush.”

“You do.”

“Do not.”

“Do too~”

“Whatever…”

“So you do!”

“... No.”

As the day draws to a close, Kuroo somehow manages to recruit Lev into his little devious scheme. The poor tall unsuspecting kitten is oblivious to the dangerous glint in Kuroo’s eyes. Even now, as the two peer around the corner of the entryway, eyes locked onto the pudding haired boy they call their fiend.

Their attention quickly snaps to you as you enter the scene, walking at a mild pace as you go to meet the unsuspecting Kenma, who stiffens at your sudden appearance, shoulders visibly tensing.

You were never close to Kenma, you were in the same grade and shared some classes, but the interactions remained limited, only ever resulting in conversations regarding schoolwork, or the occasional greeting. 

Even so, you had found yourself engrossed by the  boy who spoke so little some didn’t think he had a voice. He was in a way enchanting, to you at least. And perhaps you had grown a little too fond of him, admiring from afar, but keeping distance out of fear.

So it truly did surprise you when you received that little piece of paper, words written just a tad bit messy, and the words nothing short of sweet and endearing. The piece signed with a simple “from Kenma”

“Kozume-san I received your letter, it was very sweet.”

“...Letter?”

“Your love letter…?”

“Why would I send you a love letter?”

Kenma knows, as soon as your brows pinch, frown etched into your features he had messed up. He didn’t mean to sound harsh but your sudden appearance, and the mention of a love letter from him nonetheless startled him beyond belief. He liked you of course, but he needed time to ease into it, and this sudden crash of feelings and uncertainty filled his entire being with anxiety.

“I see… I’m sorry to have bothered you Kozume-san. Forgive me, I should have known better.” 

He doesn’t miss the little scoff that falls from your lips, or the way that tears threaten to spill from those eyes that he’s grown to love so much. 

“Have a nice day.”

“-Wait l/n-san.”

Kenma is surprised he can even hear his own voice, especially as his heart beats faster than it ever has before. He must’ve been a little loud, he concludes judging by your surprised expression.

“I...Eh…”

“Kozume-san?”

“I do like you… I just didn’t send that letter.”

An eruption of feelings explode within you like fireworks lighting up the night sky. You feel your breathing suddenly stop as your lungs suddenly find themselves unable to function properly as your brain malfunctions. He likes you back.

“l/n-san?-”

“I like you too!”

The sudden outburst leaves behind an awkward silence, both faces flushed hands sweating as you stare at one another unsure and panicked.

“Just y/n.”

“What?”

“Please just call me y/n.”

“Then please call me Kenma.”

And as you gently grasp onto his hand, the two of you become too distracted to notice the grinning cats just around the corner.

“KISS ALREADY!”

“Oh my god…”

Kuroo Tetsurou is nothing short of honest, he knows this, and deep down it’s something he prides himself in. However his current predicament is churning the little devious gears in his head.

Something as simple as an ex-girlfriend who can’t seem to take a hint has been driving him up the wall, and he is more than tired- he is downright exhausted.

For weeks on end it seems as if she’s around every corner, lurking, waiting, watching. Just to pounce on him, begging to get back together. And being the honest man he is, he tells her the same thing over and over.

“I’m sorry, I’m not interested.”

And today she seemed to be especially present, tailing after him when she could and bothering him to the point where he felt like he might explode.

Don’t get him wrong, he still cared for her to an extent, she was a friend before she was someone he had romantic feelings for and he didn’t want to burn that bridge between them. But still, things were getting out of hand and maybe a little push would stir her away.

Peeking around the corner he makes a break for it, however, despite his best attempts at hiding it seems that his height and unmistakable rooster bed head places him at a disadvantage.

“Tetsu-kun!”

Quick, he thinks as his eyes dart around the hall, landing on face after face until he recognizes someone he knows.

Dodging bodies and receiving dirty glares from students who were nearly trampled, he swiftly makes his way over to you. 

You had known Kuroo Tetsurou since your first year of highschool, the two of you were friends, and you often hung out with him and the other third years on the Nekoma volleyball team, but your platonic feelings for him soon grew into something much more.

He was sweet after all, a genuine person with good intentions even if his face and his naughty grin said otherwise. 

You were never sure if your feelings would be returned so you kept quiet, admiring from a distance as he held the hand of another girl, because you didn’t feel like he would spare you a glance in terms of romance.

But as he comes barreling towards you, his frame pinning you to the wall, face much too close to be played off as anything but romantic, you hope that maybe, just maybe there might be something there that isn’t platonic, that isn’t him looking at you as if you were just a friend.

“Tetsurou-”

“Shh…”

Flustered and embarrassed you stay quiet hiding your face away from the prying eyes of students who are curious at the scene playing out before them. 

Much to your dismay and relief, the moment lasts for only a mere fraction of a minute, and Kuroo releases you with a sigh.

“Thanks for playing along y/n.”

Your hopes are immediately crushed, but at the same time you chide yourself because you should know better. Someone like Kuroo Tetsurou would never admire you the way you admired him.

“It’s… No problem.”

And you don’t mean for your voice to waver, or for your hands to tremble as you become flustered beyond belief for thinking otherwise.

“If you don’t mind I need to go.”

You speak hurriedly because you fear that he’ll see the way your eyes water, or hear the way your voice wavers.

“Wait y/n!”

Despite the call of your name you don’t stop, you can’t stop, you can’t let him see you like this because he’ll see right through you with those perceptive eyes.

It’s only the gentle grip of a hand around your wrist that brings you to a halt, hazel eyes peering down at you as you struggle to gently tug away from his hold on you.

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable”

“It’s okay Tetsurou, really.”

“No, I clearly upset you and what I did wasn’t cool…”

“That’s not why I’m upset.”

You huff, the tears you tried so hard to hold in spilling down your cheeks and landing on the linoleum flooring in small puddles. You inhale shakily eyes closing for a moment to recoup, you decide that it might as well be now than never.

“I just- really like you. And I don’t know, I felt I had a chance a second ago. It was silly of me to think that. It’s okay if you don’t return my feelings- or heck if you don’t want to be friends anymore I get it.”

Kuroo is shocked, eyes wide and mouth almost agap. He’s almost speechless, after months of pinning he thought it was obvious.

“You’re so dense you know that?”

“.....What?”

“I like you too. I thought I was making that obvious.”

His obnoxious laughter that you’ve grown to love fills the now empty halls.

“How about I take you on a proper date, this weekend?”

“I’d like that.”

If there was one way you’d describe Bokuto Koutarou it would be sunshine. Sure he had a knack for falling into his so-called “emo mode” but even then he seemed to pick himself up just as quick as he’d let himself fall. 

It was something you admire most about him, his endless bounds of energy that seemed to radiate from his dazzling being. Bokuto Koutarou is nothing short of a ray of sunshine.

On the other hand another word you’d use to describe him would be dense.

Could he really not tell your interest in him? Or was it that he chose to ignore it? Did he purposefully disregard your lingering glances, your shy touches, or you softening eyes? He had no obligation to return your feelings, you understood that. But that factor didn’t ease the continuous chipping curiosity had at your mind.

Even now, as Bokuto comes bounding up to you, frame as broad as always and grin stretched wider than the sea.

“y/n~”

He calls before completely engulfing you with his whole body weight sending both of you tumbling to the ground.

“Koutarou you can’t just do that.”

Your whines of disapproval trail through one ear and out the other as his bubbling laughter sounds throughout the gym.

“I’m sorry y/n I’m just so happy to see you.”

You can feel your cheeks heat up, your palms becoming sweaty at his sudden declaration. You knew Bokuto was always open with his affections, always one to be friendly to anyone and everyone, but the thought of him being happy to see you seemed to set your heart aflutter.

Nevertheless you try to brush those feelings aside, gently ruffling the hair atop his head, something that had quickly become a norm after he expressed his fondness of the action.

“I’m happy to see you too Kou.”

“Let me just grab my stuff and we can get going.”

He chimes happily as he releases you from his hold, bounding off to the locker room to retrieve his belongings. His broad shoulders face you, and it’s then that he doesn’t see the look of yearning in your eyes.

“You should tell him how you feel.”

A voice suddenly states, startling you from your trance, Their words registering in your head quickly, sending a flare to your face.

“I don’t know what you mean Akaashi.”

You stutter out, though Akaashi doesn’t seem to be the least bit convinced. His emerald eyes hold clear skepticism as he quirks a brow at you.

“l/n-san, you’d have to be blind not to see your clear infatuation with him. But if you’re not up to it I won’t intervene. It’s not my place.”

His damage is swift and powerful, leaving you in a state of bewilderment despite him leaving just as quickly as he arrived. Akaashi Keiji could be scary…

“ y/n, is something the matter?”

“Ah-Kou. No, just some stuff of my mind I guess…”

“Kay… But I hope you know I’m always going to be here, so you can tell me anything you want.”

And for what seemed like the millionth time that day, your heart began beating rapidly, pounding in your chest to the point where through the duration of the entire walk home you couldn’t hear anything but the constant thumping in your ears despite Bokuto’s ramblings. Akaashi’s words playing in your mind like a broken record “You should tell him how you feel”

“Koutarou I like you.”

For the first time silence falls between both of you and you fear you may have ruined one of the best friendships you’ve ever had.

“As in like like?”

“I mean… What other like is there…?”

His laughter feels the air, and suddenly you feel the world around you crashing down.

“I like you too. I thought I was making it obvious.”

Your head whips around to meet his gaze, golden eyes emitting pure happiness.

“What?”

“I like you too y/n… I guess we’re both a little dense huh?”

Dense indeed.

[pixelsandpins]

One of the Best Romances Ever Written is From an Action RPG

Because of my job(s) and the genre of game I write in, I consume an absolute unnecessary amount of romance. Sometimes willingly, sometimes as an adjunct to a larger story. And I often find that the placement of the romance in the latter condition creates a genuinely more effective emotional investment than one in which the romance is the central theme. Oh, Ashe, so you’ve got something poignant and insightful to say about the human condition and how the footprint of an inter-social narrative conveys the ways in which we, as people, desire to connect and experience the world?

No, I simply finished Mass Effect: Legendary Edition (the first time playing the trilogy stem to stern since Mass Effect 3 came out), and it left me with too many emotions to process on my own. So YOU get to do it with me.

I’m not sorry.

…

Okay a little sorry.

Because this is about Garrus Vakarian and Commander Shepard.

A Strong Core of Platonic Affection

The key to the ShepKarian romance is a deep and unwavering friendship built on mutual respect. Shepard doesn’t even move with romantic intention until halfway through the second game. At this point, as a pair, they’ve survived waves upon waves of AI soldiers, a galaxy altering event, a particle beam right through their ship, Shepard’s literal death and resurrection, a reunification in a mercenary combat hot zone, and about a hundred existential quandaries. Just prior to flirting with him properly the first time, Shepard prevents him from killing a man in revenge by refusing to leave the scope of his sniper rifle. These two are equals. She’s technically his commanding officer, but they are on the same footing in every way that matters. More importantly, they’re friends. They’re comrades. And those are the building blocks of a good romantic relationship.

And when it is time to start moving into romance? There’s no frustrating will-they-won’t-they (that we all know becomes a “they will” at the press of a button). No tiptoeing around with awkwardly built up sexual tension.

“Hey, Garrus, we should bang.”

“Okay. Sounds good, Shep. Let me go Google how we do that.”

“That’s not romantic!” you scream.

I don’t know? Maybe it’s not? But you know what it is? Perfectly sensible for these absolute idiots. They live bullet to bullet, catastrophe to catastrophe. There’s no time for “tee hee I like you, let’s smooch, maybe.”

No.

These are adults who have had adult relationships in the past and are facing down the possibility of their own death at every corner. They’re literally preparing for a suicide mission where one of them could actually die, in-game, if you don’t set things up the right way. They know what the hell is up, and they act on it without reservation or hesitation. They know what they want, and they’re going for it. Done. Deal.

Ludonarrative Harmony

You also can’t ignore the integral part the interactivity of video games play in the narrative development of their relationship. Shepard and Garrus don’t exist as passive characters that interact with each other in a set way. You, as the player, are Shepard, and from a meta-game perspective, you have to build a balanced team. Garrus, it so happens, is a mechanically well-rounded character, so there’s a high likelihood you’ll be bringing him on to your team for a large number of missions. He also appears early in the story in all three games (a slight advantage over Tali’Zorah, who despite appearing in all three games, as well, tends to be recruitable later). These things combined mean there’s a lot of time available for you, as a player and, therefore, Shepard as a character, to spend with the turian C-Sec agent/mercenary/military adviser.

Garrus becomes an active participant in the ever forward development of Shepard’s own personal arc. It’s not just scene to scene, passive elements in a romance on rails. They’re dodging gunfire together. Riding elevators together. Providing pithy, sarcastic commentary together. Their romance isn’t just about being together. It’s about saving the galaxy together.

The Pallor of Doom

And, okay, yeah, if you know what happens at the end, it’s like…okay then if it’s doomed from the start, what’s the point? And even if you don’t know what happens at the end, all three games go out of their way to make sure you’re aware how fragile the bonds holding up that sword of Damocles are at all times. But that looming specter of death is diegetic. It’s not just the audience lamenting with pre-broken heart that this romance has a dramatic expiry date. Garrus and Shepard know. They can wish for it. Hope for a future that expands out into the unknown infinity. But they know the odds, the real chances, that one of them won’t be coming out the other side. From the first proper I love you at the top of the Citadel to the last one at the base of the Reaper teleport beam, they always knew that they were living, and loving, on borrowed time.

But it didn’t matter.

Because a finite number of days being in that love was worth it when the alternative was never having it at all.

I think I need to go lie down, again.

[dourpeep]

So like, whose your favorite chars and ships and roles? *rolls all over your blog* I know you like albedo, as you should, but I feel like your big brain hides hidden potential of reasons

Ehe I have a lot to say and a lot of people to go through so...most will be under the cut. Like this is really just going to be me going on about what I like about a bunch of characters.

My works are a love letter to the characters nodnod y'know that quote--

Oh!! Okay okay uhhh here's a few of my faves and reasons:

Albedo:

There's a lot of similar interests-! Also being an alchemist/scientist is my dream.

His personality is very sweet and his interactions with others (like during the Golden Apple Archipelago) are hilarious and endearing. Like...the whole slipping away while Diluc and Kaeya were bickering? His little comment hinting that he had to yell at them while riding Dvalin due to the wind and their volume? Then every interaction with Klee (including his character trailer) are so wholesome uuuuu

Albedo, my beloved-

His outfit!! I want to get Albedo cosplay just for the jacket

Also his movements, attack wise, are very polished and clean-cut! It's pretty obvious that his style is similar to that of fencing, but then you also see that he often will condense his sword into pure geo or thrust it out in a burst of gold!! And his Q???? He snaps and then his burst just---bursts fourth out of the ground???

Man's skilled.

And then ehe...I just really am into the archetype of a smart, gentle, yet modest person and he fits that bill perfectly.

I can't wait to see more about him! We know such a small amount about him since his character story was intertwined w/ introducing Dragonspine and also more about him testing the Traveler--also we didn't get to play as him during it :<<

Xiao

He is a very gentle character who's been through so much and I admire his ambition and willingness and selflessness

I really like his attacks, too--the fluidity of his movements that ties in with his backstory and just his personality in general

I also want his outfit

There's just something about his character that is incredibly appealing--you see him at his worst with the Karmic Debt, the rawness of his personality due to his blunt way of speaking and the earnestness that he displays

Lots of quiet protection nodnod. You have to talk to one of the NPCs to find this out, but he helped a little girl get her doll back after it'd been taken by Hilichurls. He didn't have to do it because it's not something that people would consider important, but his duty extends beyond that. If he can help it, he will lend a hand

Also the interactions we have?? Like when he saves Traveler (the subtle shift of his grip on their hand, a little offer of stability) and then in Moonchase now?? *chef's kiss*

Xinyan

I LOVE HER

First off, she's a rockstar who's taken something and made it entirely her own?? Her guitar is of her own design too!! It's made to work with her pyro vision!!! Like how cool is that????

Her personality is strong, down to earth--ugh man she's so cool

I want to be friends with her so bad

She's absolutely strong-I personally built her as a phys dps so her shield doesn't really do much but man does she carry. If none of the boys can handle the job, I swap her in and she sweeps the field clean. Those mobs never stood a chance nodnod

Her aesthetic!! I also want her outfit. I want everyone's outfit.

While her en voice got a lot of questions/hate, I love it. I can't help but feel pumped up and ready when I use her skill and burst and she shouts out "Time to rock!!"

Her dedication to her music and unyielding determination to get her name out there is incredible, I can't help but admire her passion for music.

I just really love music, even if I'm trained more for classical + operatic ehe rock's actually my favorite genre so it's all the more better!

Xingqiu

Ah! The first time I saw him I immediately decided that I'd adopt him on the spot nodnod kinda like having a kid brother, y'know?? I think we'd get along well

Also the fact that he's a bookworm??? Again, I gravitate towards people who are considered smart--no matter what it's about! You could be incredibly knowledgeable about snails and only that and I will listen to you go on and on

He's a prankster! Poor Chongyun, being the butt of most of his jokes and all.

But like his character is really cute and I had a lot of fun listening to all his voicelines--there's a lot of funny stuff going on with him like his dislike for carrots, his handwriting-- but then he's also dedicated to his martial arts and helping others no matter the task! Very chivalrous indeed nodnod

A few of my other favorites are: Beidou, Kazuha, Scaramouche (it's a love hate)

Moving onnnn!!

I'll do roles first :DD

My favorite to play, hands down, are full on DPS and Support/DPS. Xiao, Kazuha, Albedo, Xinyan, Kaeya-- there's a lot but these are the peeps that I have, am currently, or would main.

I started off as a hybrid Kaeya main (some phys, some elemental), then Xiao's been my main DPS since!

Kazuha is incredible in tandem w/ Xiao because of his cc as well as his em buffs nodnod. Also Kazuha is just really fun to play in general.

Ngl, I think that getting and playing Xiao basically ruined all other characters for me because you can pry his attacks and burst plunging (very fun) out of my cold, dead hands (/j). The quickness of his attacks and playstyle--lots of poking w/ spear and then dodge + attack at the same time with his skill. 10/10 very fun, absolutely love.

As for support/DPS, this is more fun to do in co-op ehe. I usually end up playing Kazuha, Raiden (her skill gives all party members that passive extra electro dmg whenever you land a hit) or another elemental-based character--

That being said, elemental damage, when paired up to procc reactions is ugh sooo good.

Ships!!

I saved this for last because I know it's not everyone's cup of tea ehe. After all, I'm an x Reader blog!

But that being said--

I like the idea of XiaoVen, but I prefer KazuXiao because I feel like they'd work better together--this kinda goes over why. There'd be a lot of respect between the two.

Though, XiaoVen is really cute because they have complimenting personalities nodnod. Also froggie hat. And the idea of Venti being the one to play the flute that helped Xiao.

BeigGuang!!! Their dynamic is hilarious--not to mention that they do get along well but just so happen to butt heads often because their views are so wildly different-

YanTao! I feel that they'd be really cute together! Also Yanfei would probably make sure that Hu Tao stays out of trouble ehe...

XingYun! Very cute and wholesome--platonic or romantic, either way. The fact that they have matching friendship tassels?? Xingqiu seeking Chongyun out to read to him? OTL

I don't have any NOTPs, at least among the popular ships but I do get a little icky about AlbeRose because of some...unsavory experiences due to someone who overstepped. So ehe. We'll not talk about that.

But like Sucrose is really cute! I love her character and she's very sweet and the excitement that she shows with her research is something I relate to heavily! It's just--ahh the ship itself was ruined for me.

[thornedrose44]

Ends of the Earth (Part 2)

Part One or read on AO3

“Lena?” 

That was her first word, unsurprisingly, when she woke up after fending off the Children of the Earth. It was the only word she would ever speak as she drifted in and out of consciousness following her exposure to kryptonite over the course of three weeks. That in-and-out existence consisted of little more than fragmented memories of disjointed conversations and dodged questions overshadowed by the ever-present pain of her body healing itself after being pushed past its limits.

“Hey, hey, there… how are you feeling?” Alex soothed coming slowly into view as Kara’s eyes adjusted to the bright lights of the sunlamps for maybe the second or was it third… or maybe even fifth time...

“Thirsty…” Kara croaked out through dry lips. “And… pain…” Kara admitted, everything aching in a way it never had before.

“Here.” A straw was gently pressed against her lips, and she felt blissful water coat her mouth and throat. Kara was pretty sure it was the greatest drink of water she had ever had.

“Lena? Where’s Lena?” Kara repeated, her voice stronger now.

“Just rest for now, okay?” Alex requested, plumping the pillows behind Kara before ducking her head and fiddling with the machine at the side of the bed to increase Kara’s dose of analgesic which was effective at rapidly lulling the kryptonian back to dreamless, painless sleep.

The day eventually came where Kara was awake longer than a couple of minutes, where the ache was more of a residual hum than anything else and Kara’s mind was sharp enough to push for answers instead of being deterred by Alex and Eliza’s methods of dodging.

When the day came and Kara was given the truth, she would reflect back fleetingly on those three weeks of constant pain and recovery where she had little grasp of her own reality and wish, wish with everything she had, to go back to that state of being. Because this… the pain Kara felt on that day when she was presented with her new reality obliterated every other pain she had ever experienced, rendering them little more than stubbed toes in comparison.

*

“The portal wasn’t stable… you know that the power stabilisers weren’t in place yet; it required active management to prevent it going critical.”

“She stayed behind… she kept the portal open so that we… Kara, I’m so sorry...”

“It was unstable, it's… it’s very likely the portal exploded and… It would have been quick...”

“She said… she said… to tell you to be happy… Kara, she also… she also said something about looking forward to a sunset... Kara?”

“Kara? Say something, please…”

“Kara?”

“Kara?”

*

She stopped then. It was as if she ceased to exist. 

How could she exist when she no longer had a heart in her chest? 

Here she was on a whole new planet, and Kara couldn’t find the strength to get up and go see it.

She lived in her mind, going relentlessly over her memories of Lena, lost to a past she would do anything to change with absolutely no interest in building a future.

*

She would do things differently if she could. (So many things.) 

Kara sometimes wondered if she counted - her regrets versus the choices she would make again - which way the scales would tip…

There was a reason she never counted.

Kara knew that she was rather young to have so many regrets, so much weight on her shoulders and experiences that would scar her for the rest of her life. 

But, if she had to pick… if someone came to her and said there was one thing in her life she could change… it would be Lena. 

The problem, however, was that she didn’t know what specific choice or moment to change… there were too many options. So many of her snap decisions and cowardly actions had inflicted wounds on the youngest Luthor that would haunt Kara far worse than any of her own trauma could ever hope to.

She’d seen the story play out differently thanks to Mxyzptlk - but she doubted those versions, especially now after seeing how the future was more liquid than solid, able to change, fluctuate and bend around your fingers with only the smallest shift. Mxyzptlk had shown her some potential outcomes of different choices but that didn’t make them the only outcomes.

The obvious history rewrite would be to have told Lena her true identity far earlier but if Kara was honest with herself as she tried to be in all matters related to Lena - because Kara refused to sully a single memory or thought she had of Lena with falsehoods - telling Lena about Supergirl wasn’t what Kara thought about most whilst she laid there in bed rejecting her new reality. 

Her daydreams and fantasies didn’t centre around Supergirl. 

Kara refused to boil everything between her and Lena down to Lena’s relationship with only a single strand of her identity. It was Kara Zor-El and Lena that mattered, everything else was just decoration atop that foundation. 

The change Kara would enact, if given the chance, could have taken place at any time, during any one of her interactions with Lena.

If Kara could do everything again… she would make sure that this time around she told Lena that she loved her. (Explicitly stated it rather than hint around it with pretty words.)

Truly and deeply loved her. 

That Kara’s heart hadn’t been beating correctly in her chest, didn’t know what its actual purpose was other than to pump blood through her veins, until she met Lena. That there were parts of herself that only Lena could access, parts of herself that only Lena would ever see. 

*

She knew that declaring her love for Lena during their very first meeting would be too soon, too intense but she should have at least realised what the fluttering of her heart really meant, instead of presuming it was anxiety about meeting a Luthor. She should have known what was really happening and acted on it as her friendship with Lena blossomed, instead of assuming the butterflies in her stomach were nerves about lying. She should have seen Lena’s early romantic gestures (flowers and galas with potstickers) for what they really were, rather than running towards a man, that whilst good and kind, didn’t make her heart swell as it struggled to comprehend everything Lena made her feel.

By the time Kara actually realised what her heart had been screaming and begging for her to understand, she was trapped and tied up around a web of lies so thick and all consuming that she didn’t know how to get out from under them. 

But then, inevitably, came the truth, (far, far, far too late) and the subsequent loss of Lena.

That hurt. 

It wounded Kara in a way she’d never been wounded before. And with any injury you’d never experienced, Kara - likewise - didn't know how to treat it. Didn’t realise how she poked and prodded at it merely made it bleed even more fervently. She then tried to erase it, rid herself of the organ (her heart) in its entirety - the ‘villain’ serving as a scalpel designed to free herself of the wound that refused to heal. 

When her heart returned to her, it was beaten, withdrawn, and Kara didn’t know how to accept it back, how to fit it back inside of her chest. 

It was awkward between her and Lena now. In a way it had never been before.

It was Kelly that put it all into perspective, helped Kara see the damage wrought on her heart, helped slot it back into place, though it now had jagged edges that kept catching and digging with every movement. It was Kelly that explained abuse victims, how they sadly returned to their abusers, how Lena had done just that after finding out that her attempt at escape had merely led her back to the same pain the Luthors had inflicted over and over again. Lena’s second escape, second show of strength was incredible and should be admired, not punished.

Kara and the Superfriends had hung their heads in shame.

Brainy was the first to bridge the gap, him and Lena having always shared an understanding that no one else could touch. Two souls, told to fear themselves but constantly striving to prove themselves worthy.

Kara would hover nearby, struggling with the desire to reach out but the guilt of harm already inflicted keeping her away and then… then…

It was the end of the world and Kara told herself that everything else could wait.

That they could wait.

*

It never should have been soon, or later, or almost…

It should have been now…

This moment, right now!

Why did they keep fucking waiting?

All it did was result in missed opportunity after missed opportunity until there were no more ‘soon’s to come, and there would be no more ‘now’s to seize… all that was left was too late.

Too fucking late.

*

There were some memories that stood out more than others, the ones where they planned their future, the ones where Lena had bared herself to Kara in a way that made Kara feel so privileged, the ones where they had been so, so, so close to crossing that final gap between them and formally gifting each other their hearts wrapped lovingly and addressed solely to one another. It was those memories that Kara played on endless repeat as Alex shook her, screamed for her to come back, to snap out of her catatonic shell…

“On the coast.” Lena had replied when Kara had asked where she wanted to live when they arrived at their new home.

“I didn’t think you liked the beach?” Kara murmured, shuffling closer and closer until Lena’s back was pressed right against Kara’s front, Kara’s arms moving to wrap around Lena’s middle, just wanting to hold her close as she continued to work tirelessly.

“I didn’t say beach…” Lena hummed, glancing back over her shoulder with a teasing twinkle in her green eyes that had Kara bending her head down to bury her nose in long black hair that smelled of citrus - the generic shampoo that had been given out to everyone in the bunker. “I lived on the coast in Ireland…” Lena revealed, after a beat, her voice turning soft and sombre as it always did when she spoke of her mother and her life before the Luthors, causing Kara’s arms to gently squeeze Lena closer. “There were shingle beaches and cliffs… I just liked being able to hear the sound of the ocean. The waves hitting the shore… it was comforting.”

“Then a house on the coast you shall have.” Kara promised sincerely.

Lena laughed at that, “Oh, really? Are you going to build one for me?”

“No...” Kara replied, placing a quick kiss to the side of Lena’s head, “I’m going to build one for the both of us.” Lena stilled in her arms, her fingers moving away from the keyboard she had been typing on so that she could lay them over the top of Kara’s hands.

“Do you really want that?” Lena asked, quiet and disbelieving.

“Look at us, at this moment.” Kara requested, fingers flexing so that they interlaced with Lena’s easily. “I just want to be wherever you are.”

“Me too.” Lena replied, turning her head so that she could rest her forehead against Kara’s jaw, both of their eyes fluttering closed as they relished those rare few minutes that they could actually give solely to each other.

*

“It’s too much, sometimes…” Lena muttered, her hands shaking, after another long day, as she tried and failed to undo the buttons of her shirt so that she could finally slip into bed and sleep for a mere handful of hours before duty required her blood, sweat and tears all over again.

“I know.” Kara soothed, moving to kneel in front of Lena so that her own hands could reach out and gently take over the task. Kara’s fingers moved slowly, undoing each button with as much care as possible, her blue eyes politely averted as pale skin steadily became more and more visible. 

“It shouldn’t be me.” Lena whispered into the stillness, green eyes boring into blue as Kara tucked her fingers underneath the shoulders of Lena’s crisp white shirt to push it off and down her arms. “I get that they need my mind and my intelligence, I get that, I do… but they are looking at me to…” Lena trailed off, gaze going distant.

“To?” Kara prompted, folding the shirt with precise movements before retrieving her soft Midvale High School shirt that Lena had taken to sleeping in, holding it up for Lena to push her arms tiredly through.

“Inspire…” Lena huffed as she pushed her head through the neck-hole. “Me. The most cynical person alive.”

“That’s not true.” Kara asserted earning her a disbelieving eyebrow raise that had her shaking her head ruefully. “Okay, it’s somewhat true.” Kara admitted earning her a giggle of amusement that warmed Kara’s heart as she shifted to lay down on her side of the cot, opening her arms for Lena to fall into. 

“But it's not a bad thing. Not by a long shot.” Kara insisted seriously. “If it wasn’t for you, we would still be trying to fix the sun and billions of lives would have been lost whilst we accepted that we had to find another way. You’re not a cynic, though. I’ve watched you encounter stumbling block after stumbling block and you still…” Kara’s eyes roved over Lena’s fatigued, yet ever beautiful face, with wonder in her eyes. “Keep going… keep searching for a solution. A cynic wouldn’t do that. Couldn’t do that. You keep yourself grounded but you keep your eyes skywards. You inspire but you don’t lie. That’s what they did on Krypton, they liked sweet lies more than the harsh truth. You’re a balance of both.”

“Such tender words.” Lena remarked as a solitary index finger moved to tap affectionately against Kara’s lips.

“True words.” Kara corrected, puckering her lips to press something resembling a kiss to Lena’s finger, “If I was still leading... we would still be on the surface, my blind hope damning us all…”

Lena shook her head at that, harsh and firm, her hand moving to fully cup Kara’s face, “You’re wrong. So wrong.” 

“How so?”

“Firstly, that’s not what it is…” Lena explained, her legs tangling with Kara’s as Kara pulled the blanket over the both of them, “blind hope...”

“What is it, then?”

Lena pursed her lips thoughtfully as the hand on Kara’s cheek moved to comb through blonde hair, “Faith.”

“Faith?” Kara repeated, signature crease appearing between her brows at the term.

“Yes and it's a beautiful thing.” Lena breathed reverently, “It's probably the best thing about you.”

“I thought that was my blue eyes and handsome good looks.” Kara smirked, knowing if she leant into the moment they had created (sincere and loving), she wouldn’t be able to wait anymore… that soon wasn’t going to cut it.

“That’s second and third place, respectively.” Lena shot back immediately, fingers stilling for only a second before continuing their endless movement through Kara’s hair.

“It’s still blind.” Kara said, returning to the topic, now more confident that she could rein in her desire for the time being. “Just as likely to lead to a miracle as it would off a cliff.”

“Maybe.” Lena agreed, “But faith, in the face of insurmountable odds, is when the impossible happens.” Lena countered as she settled further into Kara’s warm embrace, cold nose pressed against a spot just underneath Kara’s jaw. “I would have given up if it wasn’t for you, a long time ago.”

“I’m glad my ability to make the perfect coffee has paid off in some way.” Kara joked.

“Don’t do that. Don’t minimise yourself.” Lena said, tone hard and serious, making Kara tense for a fleeting moment. “The only reason I keep going after each stumbling block is because of you. Because you believe that I can do it.” Lena revealed, her voice rising an octave to keep back the sting of tears. “Your unshakeable faith in me, gives me the strength to make the impossible happen. Don’t you dare ridicule it. Because I need it, Kara.” Lena declared, lifting her head so that Kara could see the watery sheen magnifying vibrant green eyes. “I need you to have faith in me because most days it's the only thing keeping me going.”

*

Kara sat up for the first time then, head ringing with the memory of Lena’s words.

Lena is alive and she is waiting.

Kara just had to have faith. And if there was one thing that Kara had more faith in than anything else in the universe, it was Lena. 

Lena is alive and she is waiting.

Kara whispered the mantra to herself over and over again as she staggered to her feet. Repeated it endlessly until it tattooed itself onto the walls of the empty chasm where her heart should be.

Lena is alive and she is waiting.

The words fuelled her faith and her faith fuelled the words like an endless repeating cycle as she walked out of her room and got to work.

*

“Lena is alive and she’s waiting.” Kara declared to Brainy, who blinked at her rapidly in surprise at the statement and her unexpected appearance after being unresponsive for over a month.

“How can you be sure?” Brainy questioned, choosing to ignore the multitude of questions related to Kara’s sudden revival.

“I can’t, but I am.” Kara replied, falling into the chair opposite humanity’s new chief scientist. “How do we save her?”

Brainy pursed his lips and remained silent for a long time, clearly trying to decide if he should push back against Kara’s assertion before nodding once in acceptance. “Short answer, I don’t know.” Brainy answered honestly. “Long answer, another transmat portal.”

“Okay, then let’s build one.” Kara demanded, banging a clenched fist against an open palm.

“If only it was that easy.” Brainy laughed drily, shaking his head in resignation.

Kara’s jaw clenched in determination, “Tell me what the problems are.”

“Kara, I don’t think-” Brainy started softly, beginning the gentle deterrence and refusal that Kara was now intimately familiar with, having come straight from meeting the leaders of humanity (which had now formed an official government - The Terran Coalition).

“Now, Brainy.” Kara ordered coldly, her expression darkening.

Brainy flinched in shock at the tone and command, but recovered quickly, getting to his feet to write on a nearby whiteboard. The first word he wrote in big block capitals was ‘MATERIALS’. 

“Firstly, we don’t have the materials to construct another transmat portal. We depleted our supply of a number of rare elements and compounds that were present on Earth but we don’t know if they are here on Terra Nova. If they’re not, we would need to fully re-design the portal from the ground up to take into consideration the impact of substitutions.” 

“Which brings us onto the next issue.” Brainy continued, adding another word just below the first one, ‘KNOWLEDGE’. “Lena knew the portals better than anyone, the rest of us understood the particular portal design that we used and different parts of the underlying theory but it was only Lena that truly understood the full picture. I, and the scientists that worked closely with Lena, have now been allocated to separate projects.” Brainy explained, gesturing around the lab they were currently sat in that had only one or two familiar faces that Kara recognised from all the time she spent at Lena’s side. “Projects to ensure we can safely make Terra Nova our home, projects that serve the whole of humanity.” Brainy grimaced as he stated a truth Kara was acutely aware of from her lengthy discussion with the Coalition that had resulted in neither her nor them walking away happy. “The leaders won’t allow time and resources to be pulled away to work on this. They just won’t. But let’s say you can create an entirely new portal from scratch with only a shoe-string budget and support… you then reach the biggest issue… One that even Lena never got around to solving.”

“What?” Kara prompted, blue eyes narrowing at this.

“Precision.” Brainy wrote it out in big, block letters adding it to the list. “For the portals we used, we were just aiming for a planet, even just the general vicinity of space around the planet. We didn’t have to ensure the portals adjusted to remain in a fixed location on the other side, we just had to make them not overlap. We shot the transports through and then let them finish off the journey. To get back to Lena and save her… you would need absolute precision. You would need to open it up within the bunker. You would need it to adjust to remain in that location, which would massively increase the amount of energy required to open it. Opening it anywhere else could put you and anyone that goes through in massive danger and there would be no way to get to Lena without putting her in danger either.” Brainy hung his head, capping his marker pen and moved forward to squeeze Kara’s shoulder comfortingly, “I’m sorry, Kara. But even if-”

“Materials. Knowledge. Precision.” Kara repeated firmly, gaze fixed with steely determination on the words scrawled across the board. Three words stopping her from getting Lena back. Three herculean tasks that Kara was ready to dedicate herself to mind, body and soul.

Lena had told her once that she could make Kara an expert in ten years.

Kara intended to prove that wrong - she would do it quicker than that, she had to.

Whilst she might not have Lena to teach her, she did have one hell of an incentive.

*

Terra Nova was without a doubt a beautiful planet. Lush forests, snow peaked mountains, tropical jungles and enticing black-sand beaches. It lacked a desert but the majority of people weren't too disappointed to find that particular biome missing.

The first city of Terra Nova was named after humanity's saviour, as it should be. The Coalition had approached Kara about it, wise enough to know that any slight, accidental or otherwise, against the (presumed deceased) youngest Luthor would provoke the retired hero. They were originally planning something like Luthorton but Kara had shot that down, point blank telling them that if they wanted to honour Lena it should be Lena's name that was remembered and not the family that had betrayed her.

Lenacity (pronounced like tenacity) would forever be known as the first city of Terra Nova, to forever serve as a beacon of hope to humanity. There was even a statue in Lena's honour erected in the very centre of the city.

Not that Kara had ever seen it, nor did she attend the dedication ceremony; she barely even read the announcement proclaiming the city's name.

Humanity built itself a new home, creating infrastructure and cities. Rebuilding themselves anew and making this planet truly theirs in a far more sustainable manner than on Earth - they now knew the pitfalls of industrialization and the Coalition made sure to avoid them this time around with scientists like Briany serving as their guide.

Kara, though, only had a vague awareness of the world being built up around her. She moved from her bed in the makeshift hospital to a back-room in Brainy’s lab to, eventually, her own lab inside Lenacity University - the Coalition arranging her a workspace and position as a thank you for her service during the end of the Earth.

Kara had a purpose, a purpose driven by seven words that Kara would mutter under her breath whenever her head began to ache as she struggled her way through textbooks and theorems…

Lena is alive and she is waiting.

Kara's life revolved around this one goal to the exclusion of all else. She barely ate and she only slept when her mind simply could not go on.

She was weaker here, on Terra Nova. And not just in the figurative sense (her soul and mind torn asunder at the loss of her heart). She still had her powers but they weren’t the same as they were on Earth. The atmosphere and Sun on Terra Nova was different to Earth so it wasn’t completely unexpected. 

She was still stronger than a human being, could still lift a car but not a bus.

She was faster than a human being, but not faster than a bullet.

Her hearing was still enhanced; she could hear the heartbeats of people in the room but it took considerable concentration now, and anything more than a street away was near impossible.

Heat vision was still there but attenuated; she could still heat up a coffee after it had gone cold but she wasn’t going to be destroying a space-ship anytime soon.

Flight was the biggest loss. It was still there but it was tiring now. It used to be easy, seamless but flying a considerable distance was like running a half-marathon after only minimal prep. 

There were other effects of her powers being diminished, her golden complexion and hair lost their sun-kissed experience - hair turning a darker blonde and skin slightly paler.

Whilst Kara never did anything physically demanding, nothing of interest on this planet to prompt her to move, at least in those early years (later years spent seeking the exact right materials for her plans exposed her to a number of wondrous sights that had little impact on the hero focused on her singular task), she was not taking care of herself.

She now understood what Lena went through during those two years, why it was so hard to get her to stop and just take care of herself.

Stopping to eat, sleep or relax in anyway required justification. Justifying time that could be spent helping someone else - saving someone else - on an activity that felt selfish. 

It was probably something Kara should have experienced more of during her time as Supergirl, but she had never struggled to put distance between herself and that role. Had never really hesitated to accept invitations to karaoke and sister nights. It was different now, though, now Kara was no longer justifying the time delay to some unknown randomer who may or may not need saving… now she was justifying it to Lena. 

Lena, who was trapped in a bleak bunker all alone.

Lena, who probably thought no one was coming to save her.

The weight fell off Kara, her muscles steadily eaten away, dark bags under her eyes becoming a permanent feature and her hair hastily cut short and jagged to minimise the care she had to give it.

The only thing that saved Kara from the damage she was slowly inflicting on herself was Alex.

*

That first year, Alex kept her distance - accepting Kara’s casual dismissals without push-back and her usual assertiveness. It wasn’t just Kara that had been changed by their permanent departure from Earth. The fire in Alex’s eyes had dimmed, her assertiveness tempered and her overall demeanour more quiet and withdrawn. Kara sympathised (distantly), knowing what it was like to leave her home behind but feeling that Kelly, Eliza and the other Superfriends would be a much more effective support system compared to anything Kara could offer at that time.

Alex would stop by every now and again, hands clasped behind her back, hovering timidly in the doorway, making her various pleas, “Kara, you need to eat.”

“I can’t right now, why don’t you go have lunch with Kelly?” That was Kara’s go to rejection, figuring it would at least encourage Alex to live her life, she deserved to. No point dragging Alex down with her.

Alex would nod once and hesitantly walk away, popping back up a week later with a plate of food in her hands that she would place in a rare empty space on Kara’s desk

“Hey-”, Alex would begin, seeking to break through Kara’s focus.

“Not now.” Kara would reply simply, no sharpness or venom to it, just a simple refusal. 

Kara couldn’t be what Alex needed. She had no heart in her chest and she didn’t want to expose Alex to the coldness that now resided in the space it once occupied. 

Kara had to get Lena back. Once she got Lena back, she could be herself again. Could feel and support like she always did before. 

“Alex, just… leave me alone.” Kara requested before Alex even had a chance to say a word.

It was a year of this. Kara retreating further and further into herself and her work; Alex on the outside, uncertain of how to reach her. Tentative and nervous when her relationship with Kara had been the one she was most certain of.

“I’m sorry.”

The apology was new and managed to get Kara to cast a curious glance over her shoulder to see Alex, head dropped, red hair forming a barrier to her expression and hands curled into painful fists at her sides as she trembled in the doorway.

“Alex, I don’t really have time for this-” Kara began, already turning away when...

“I know you blame me…” Alex whispered, her voice cracking in a way that Kara had never heard before.

That jerked Kara back, brought her momentarily back to her own body, out of her half-life existence as she turned back round to actually look at her sister for the first time in… months. She looked distraught. Brown eyes broken and crying, lips bitten and raw, her complexion pale and her entire being exuding exhaustion.

“Blame you? Blame you for what?” Kara questioned in total confusion, moving towards her sister without conscious thought.

“For Lena.” Alex gasped, wrapping her arms tightly around own body protectively, “I… I failed her and I failed you.”

Kara’s jaw dropped, her stomach sinking like lead through the floor as the realisation punched her squarely in the gut. Alex hadn’t been grieving for Earth, she had been punishing herself. Punishing herself for Lena and by extension what Kara had turned into. 

“Alex… no… I don’t…” Kara stammered, reaching out with shy fingers that had forgotten what it was like to make contact with another being. “Is that what you think?”

“You can barely look at me.” Alex cried, cringing in shame and guilt… and that… 

It’s awful to admit, but it was the first time Kara felt something other than hollow. After a year of deadened emotion, Kara remembered how to feel. Felt the barrier she had unknowingly crafted around herself cracking open just a slither. Just enough for her to remember her sister. Her solid ground and most trusted ally. The person who she could always depend on.  

“I can barely look at myself.” Alex continued, unaware how her own breakdown was reviving her sister back from her empty shell. “You love her so much and I... I couldn’t save her for you. You’ve lost so much and I now understand a fraction of that, just a tiny fraction and… I should have saved her. She was my friend, too. And she… she didn’t even… she gave so much and I couldn’t…”

“Alex, oh Rao, no… no… no…”  Kara murmured, finally stepping forward to wrap her arms around her sister that she had been hurting without realising. Everytime she had pushed Alex away in a bid to shield her from her emptiness, she had merely been reinforcing to Alex the misconception that she was to blame. “Come here. It wasn’t your fault, okay? It was mine. I left her side…”

“No! Kara!” Alex rejected loudly, even as her arms wrapped tightly around Kara in return. “No. You left her side because of me. Because I asked for Supergirl-”

“How long have you been carrying this?” Kara asked sadly, “How long?”

“Since we went through the portal.” Alex admitted, burying her face into Kara’s shoulder.

“Is that why… you thought I hated you?” Kara whispered as the sheer awfulness of it all threatened to overwhelm her.

“I would, if I was you…” Alex murmured.

“No, Alex never…” Kara refuted, not believing Alex’s statement in the slightest. She pulled back from the hug (the first hug Kara had since landing on Terra Nova), and wiped the tears off her sister’s cheeks with a brush of her thumb. “I love you, I just I… didn’t think… I didn’t think I could help you… I didn’t think I could give you what you needed…” Kara revealed, shaking her head dismally at her continued failures.

“I didn’t want you to give me anything… I just wanted my sister…” Alex confessed, causing the walls where Kara’s heart should be to clench reliving the phantom pain of being broken. “I’m sorry, too. You needed me as well.” Alex said softly, her gaze taking in Kara’s appearance.

“I’ve been busy,” Kara muttered, shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot under the scrutiny.

“Kara, you’re not doing well.” Alex stated bluntly.

Kara knew that she had let certain things slide about herself but they were meaningless in the grand scheme of things. “I need to do this. Lena is alive and she’s waiting.”

“Kara-” Alex began gently.

“Don’t! Don’t tell me I’m wrong!” Kara demanded, stepping back and lifting her chin in defiance. “If you’re not going to help me, fine. But don’t say she’s dead. At least not to my face.”

“I wasn’t.” Alex replied, jaw dropping in shock at Kara’s sudden emotional shift which instead of scaring Alex away only made her brown eyes sharpen with even deeper concern. “I wasn’t, Kara. But you need to look after yourself.” 

Kara’s gaze dropped to the floor, frowning harshly but holding her tongue, not wanting to inflict any further hurt on her sister.

“Listen… okay, listen to me.” Alex pleaded. It was her turn now to reach out to Kara, hands rubbing up and down Kara’s biceps to provide comfort, to bridge the gap between them. “You want to save Lena, right? How do you expect to do that if you’re not looking after yourself? You need to eat and sleep. You need to be at your best because that’s what she deserves.” Kara’s head tilted to the side at that, listening attentively. “You need to take time for yourself because… because when you save Lena… you should give her something strong and stable to lean onto, because she’ll need that. You need to look after yourself and your life so that when it's time... you can look after Lena.” Alex bent down catching clouded over blue eyes, deep in thought. “Okay?”

Kara didn’t reply for a long time, her mind whirring with this new perspective. She glanced at her hands that were trembling, remembered how Lena’s hands had shook under the insurmountable pressure and strain thrown on her. Lena deserved steady hands. Someone who didn’t swing from one emotional extreme to another. Someone who was ready for their heart to be returned.

“Okay… for Lena.” Kara breathed out.

Alex smiled at her, warm and tremulous, “Okay… Let’s get you something to eat.”

*

Kara became an oddity, something people whispered about with those pitiful gazes, like there was something wrong with her that could never be made right. She was a mascot, a joke, a piece of gossip shared and exaggerated, a tall tale told to children to warn them of the dangers of not letting go. 

The students at the university would creep to the edge of her lab to get a glimpse of her like it was a rite of passage. Every citizen knew her story. Knew Kara Danvers and Supergirl were one and the same, Kara Zor-El. Knew of the love she held for their Saviour, Lena Luthor. Knew that her sacrifice had destroyed Supergirl and left behind a changed woman that spent her days chasing fairytales.

The kind ones called her eccentric, felt she had more than earned her time away from the spotlight and didn’t judge her for not donning her cape again - Terra Nova didn’t need superheroes anyway.

The cruel ones, who had never suffered hardship or had suffered far too much of it (it was always one extreme or the other) called her delusional and callous for leaving humanity to rebuild on their own without their red-blue hero.  

She was no longer Supergirl. No longer Kara Danvers either. To everyone else, she was merely known as a woman trying to get back to Earth to save a ghost. A cautionary tale of a woman who had lost herself believing in something that was impossible.

The Tinman brought to life, seeking his heart that Dorothy had taken back to Kansas with her.

She left her lab now, after that first year of sheer self-destruction, understanding that in her pursuit of a ghost she couldn’t allow herself to become one either, because if Lena was there, waiting and Kara did manage to bring her home, then Kara wanted to have a home ready for her. She wanted to be ready for her.

So Kara leant into the support of her friends, ensured she was there for them, listened to them and gave them time and consideration. In turn, they didn’t pull her away from her work, planned around her experiments and happily came and sat in her lab, filling the air with conversation whilst Kara’s hands worked on pieces of equipment.

Kara’s years went by divided into three sectors, each uneven fraction dedicated to the tasks identified by Brainy at the very start. It took Kara two and a half years to get her knowledge to a decent enough level to truly comprehend the underpinning science and workings of the transmat portal technology. The largest chunk was next, five years on materials. 

Whilst Kara’s knowledge had reached a basic level that meant she could stand shoulder to shoulder with Lena’s previous team; re-designing the portal to account for materials no longer accessible required Kara to become an expert and pioneer. No longer memorising the work of others but forging her own path. 

Thankfully, her life wasn’t solely anchored by her scientific pursuits, in no small part due to Alex and the Superfriends. 

The years were also hallmarked by Kara’s loved ones own lives and their achievements.

Alex and Kelly were married during that second year post arrival on Terra Nova. Alex had been delaying the event until her and Kara were back on the same page. Kara stood as Alex’s maid of honour, the couple were wed on a black sand beach that was as close to Midvale-esque as they were ever going to get.

Following the wedding, Alex, after spending a couple of years providing tactical support to the Coalition, decided to return to medicine in a research-based capacity. The change provided a simpler routine that was more conducive to building a family and Alex (after the loss of her home planet) wanted to feel like she was putting something positive into the world and not just removing the negatives. 

The third year saw Brainy and Nia’s engagement. Yet again, Kara stood as maid of honour, for Nia this time - Brainy chose to stand alone, everyone knowing that it would have been Lena standing by his side in that moment and that any substitution would not have measured up to his best friend.

The fourth year was when Alex finally approached Kara about her living situation. There were plenty of houses now, people having settled into their own communities, having staked their claim on their own piece of land. Kara was rich, Lena having left her considerable wealth to Kara that had been translated into the Terra Novan Currency (TNC) - no one was going to deny the saviour their fortune. The Coalition had repeatedly made it clear that Kara would be granted approval for a residence more or less anywhere she pleased. She had yet to take them up on the offer. 

She was happy with the small, barely used apartment near the university that she only visited whenever Alex came to inform her she was well overdue a shower. 

“You need a home, Kara.” Alex had insisted, putting her foot down when Kara had yet again hosted sister’s night in her lab, having still not furnished her flat with anything resembling a couch. Kara had grumbled and groaned until Alex had pulled out her trump card. “Lena needs a home. When you bring her back, are you really going to make her crash in your lab?”

Kara applied for a piece of land near the coast, an hour’s journey from the city (only a twenty-five minute flight). Building a house there on the cliff where you could hear the water crashing against the rocks became a bonding activity amongst the Superfriends, an activity to bring them all together and away from their demanding jobs. It was the only time Kara felt something close to happiness… contentment. Sitting there on a bench, listening to the waves around a bonfire, sipping a beer with Alex, Kelly, Brainy and Nia (they were occasionally joined by Barry and Iris) talking about everything and nothing. 

Lena was a topic that could only be approached when they could tell Kara was settled and hopeful, it was never something to talk about when Kara started to grow morose and restless. They all spoke about the sights they wanted to show Lena, all the stories they would tell her.

 They would talk about what Lena might be upto in the bunker, how with all this time she had probably become fluent in nearly every language, mastered the violin, built herself a robot dog, finally got around to watching crappy reality television (that she had promised she would never watch). The suggestions were only ever light and happy. They were all aware that if Lena was alive down there, shut off from the light without hope of being saved, the psychological damage would be severe. 

That was the other thing… if…

Kara knew it was only her that truly believed Lena was still alive. Alex was the next most convinced purely because Kara needed her to believe. Brainy and Nia were doubtful but too kind to openly declare their doubts. Kelly played her cards close to her chest, it was hard to tell what she actually believed when it came to Lena’s fate. Her main concern, without a doubt, was Kara’s mental health.

Kara had put all of herself into saving Lena. The only thing keeping her going was saving the youngest Luthor, the only thing that could make Kara look after herself was by linking it to Lena in some way. 

Kara knew it wasn’t healthy, knew that if Lena wasn’t alive… she would most likely return to that catatonic state. It was just… she had lost so much… so, so, so much… and losing Lena was just the straw (entire barn of hay) that broke the camel’s back. 

It was Kelly that picked Kara up once a week and frog-marched her to see a psychiatrist who was attempting to get Kara to steadily start living for herself and not just for Lena. It was in vain but Kara took onboard the lessons as much as she could.

By the end of the fifth year, Kara’s house (built for her and Lena) was complete. Kara forced herself to fly back there every night, wanting the place to feel warm and lived in and a home.

By the sixth year, Kelly was pregnant and Kara was set to be an aunt any day now.

“I’ll be there, I promise.” Kara reassured her sister for the fourth time. Alex was on speakerphone providing company from afar as Kara ran an experiment with some of the new materials she had recently collected to assess their suitability. They were having a distanced sister’s night, what with Alex wanting to stay at home to look after Kelly, who was set to go into labour any day now. Alex’s nervousness was manifesting itself in her over-preparedness, regularly checking that the route to the hospital was free of traffic every fifteen minutes, that their to-go bag was prepped and that Kara wasn’t running off anywhere on another materials expedition anytime soon.

“Thanks, Kara.” Alex breathed in relief.

“Have you decided on a name yet?” Kara questioned.

“No,” Alex sighed defeatedly, “we keep going back and forth. I think we'll know when we meet her, you know? At least I hope so.”

“I’m sure you will.” Kara reassured, peering through a microscope, nimble fingers adjusting the magnification.

“Hey…” Alex said slowly, her tone shy and awkward enough that it earned Kara’s full attention. 

“What?”

“Did you and Lena ever…” Alex began softly, her voice trailing off as if the rest of the sentence wasn’t necessary. Kara stayed quiet, eyeing the phone warily, waiting her sister out. She heard the inhale of breath her sister took as if to suck in courage as well as air for what she was about to say next, “Did you and Lena ever talk about kids?”

Kara pursed her lips, and crossed her arms, gaze dropping to the floor, “Lena and I weren’t together.”

“I know…” Alex murmured back, there was a beat, before a whisper, “but did you?”

Kara swallowed thickly, blinking rapidly to dispel the tears and ease the phantom pain in her chest, “Yeah… yeah, we did.”

*

“Ugh… another five minutes.” Kara grumbled, pulling Lena, who was attempting to get up out of their small cot, closer into her body. 

“See, I knew your chirpy morning personality was a lie.” Lena chuckled, and Kara’s slumbering heart ached at how exhausted she sounded before the day had even begun.

“You caught me.” Kara whispered, smiling as she nuzzled into Lena’s back. “Sleep is glorious and there is nothing that should interrupt it.”

Kara didn’t need to look at the youngest Luthor’s face to know she was rolling her eyes. “And here I thought you wanted children at some point in the future...”

“Children that respect the sanctity of a good night’s sleep.” Kara replied, letting out a sleepy huff that caused Lena to shiver. 

“Good luck with that.” Lena teased, her hands moving to cover Kara’s that were wrapped around her waist. “Your children will be blue-eyed devils.”

“Luke and Lori.” Kara yawned without thinking.

“Hmm?”

“The blue-eyed devils.” Kara explained.

“You’ve already picked out the names?” Lena asked quietly, mildly surprised.

“Not hard, limited options.”

“How so?” Lena laughed, twisting round so that they were nose to nose.

Kara’s closed eyes fluttered upon feeling Lena’s warm breath against her face, she hid her reaction to it with a helpless shrug, “Had to both start with L.”

“L?” Lena scoffed, “Why would they-”

Lena’s voice cut out, realising the answer without needing to ask the question.

Kara opened one eye, catching sight of the shocked, awestruck expression on Lena’s face. “It’s tradition, isn’t it?” Kara murmured shyly.

“Yeah… yeah, it is.” Lena breathed, a tentative smile lighting up her face as she reached out to tuck a lock of golden hair behind Kara’s ear. “I like the names Lori and Luke.”

“You do?” Kara beamed, blue eyes opening fully and twinkling.

“Yeah, they’re the perfect names for our little blue-eyed devils.”

*

“I can do it.” Kara announced, landing hard and panting heavily causing her group of friends who were gathered around the bonfire outside Kara’s home to jump to their feet.

“Kara, what-” Alex began, holding little Amelia closer to her chest as the toddler reached out with grabby hands for her favourite aunt.

Kara ignored everyone and marched right up to Brainy, declaring wide-eyed and frantic, “I solved all three problems. I can save her.”

Brainy’s expression went slack, his eyes darting around the group which had fallen conspicuously silent. “Kara, I…” He began nervously.

“I know none of you believe me.” Kara said bluntly, finally pointing out the large elephant that was always in attendance whenever Kara interacted with them. “I know that.” Kara sighed, looking around her loved ones with a sad, understanding smile. “I especially know you’re afraid of what happens when that portal opens and I find out that Lena-” Kara shook her head - she had held onto her faith for over nine years now, she was not going to forsake it when she was in the final stretch. “I’m going, regardless. I can have the portal built in a month…” Kara revealed before looking back at Brainy pleadingly, “two weeks if you help me. I know you don’t believe me and I’m not going to ask you to. But I am going to ask you to help me.” Kara’s shoulders caved forwards, as she wrung her hands together on the precipice of actually begging. “Please, please help me…”

Brainy blinked once, let out a shuddering breath and then, “Okay…”

“We’ll all help…” Alex announced stepping forward to squeeze Kara’s shoulder. 

*

“Is that-” Kara started to ask as Brainy stepped forward holding out a familiar red and blue outfit Kara hadn’t laid eyes on for years, hadn’t worn for even longer.

The portal was ready, they were just waiting for the Coalition to divert the required power supply they needed. The Coalition had originally refused to give Kara the increased power she required since they, and the rest of humanity, fully believed Lena to be dead and that Kara’s obsession could only result in disaster - Brainy and Eliza had been the ones to convince them, leveraging their positions as Chief Scientist and Chief Medical Officer to gain their agreement.

“I figured… it was a special occasion.” Brainy murmured, smiling wanely at her. 

He and the rest of the Superfriends, including Eliza, had taken two weeks of holiday from their respective jobs so that they could help in whatever they could to get the portal active. 

“Thanks, Brainy.” Kara replied sincerely, accepting the familiar outfit and going to get changed.

It didn’t fit as well as it used to. 

She was thinner so it hung off in places, and the dark shadows to her face made the colours just that little bit less vibrant than Kara remembered them being. She was glad to be wearing it though. It was what she had worn the last day she had seen Lena over nine years ago. It felt right that she should be wearing it nine years later when they finally reunited.

“You have to promise me something.” Alex said as she stepped up to stand by Kara’s side as Brainy checked over the final calibrations Kara had made, before they turned the portal on. “If she’s… gone… you still need to come back, okay?” Alex demanded; Kara stared at her sister’s profile to see that her expression had hardened in an attempt to hold back a wave of emotion but the tremble to her bottom lip belied how futile the fight was. “I need my sister. I need you. So… no matter what you find… you come back and we’ll figure out the next step together.” Alex glanced over at Kara revealing watery brown eyes. “Promise me. I need you to say it.”

Kara hesitated for a long moment but the thought of inflicting the pain she had experienced after losing Lena on Alex… on little Amelia, gave her the strength to nod once, firm and sure. “I promise, no matter what I’ll come back through.”

“Okay,” Alex breathed out a shuddering breath before pulling Kara into a tight hug and muttering, “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Kara replied, wrapping her arms tightly around her sister and knowing that in an hour or so, she would be different.

She would either have her heart back or know, without a doubt, that it had been lost forever.

When she stepped through the portal, a metal wire connecting her to her lab in Terra Nova, she waved once at her family and friends. None of them waved back, all just nodded mournfully.

They were all convinced that Kara would find nothing good on the other side. Convinced that they would lose this tinman version of Kara to something far worse. 

They didn’t wave because... who waves at a funeral?

Kara, though, gripped tighter onto her faith. 

Lena is alive and she is waiting.

And now… now… she was literally mere steps away.

Absence supposedly makes the heart grow fonder, but that wasn’t true in Kara’s case. Her heart had been in stasis, countless lightyears away. Her love was paused. Ready to unfurl and grow the second her heart was returned to her.

*

“Okay, I got the angle slightly wrong…” Kara admitted with a wince, nowhere near as invincible as she used to be - kryptonite no longer required to inflict damage that a particularly powerful gun or explosion could do.

“You fell face first, didn’t you?” Alex’s voice sassed over the comms line as Kara let out a pained groan.

“Yep, face planted…” Kara lifted her head, disappointed to find herself staring down a dim corridor. She had forgotten how cold the concrete walls of the bunker were after all this time (the bunker had always been warm to Kara, mostly because of how close she always stood to Lena). It was then that Kara noticed the tiny marks carved into the concrete wall; they filled nearly all of the available wall space and ran down the length of the corridor.

“You know you can fly, right?” Alex reminded her, trying far too hard to keep their conversation light, to keep Kara light...

“I know I can fly but I wasn’t thinking about flying and didn’t react in time…” Kara huffed struggling to her knees; turning her head to see if the marks continued down the other side of the corridor, “and-” 

The rest of her sentence died right there, turning to ash as she saw a figure at the other end of the corridor watching her.

“Kara, is everything okay? What’s happening?”

Kara knew the scenes in medical dramas where they shocked someone back to life were unrealistic and played for drama more than for accuracy, but… it was the closest description Kara could think of to explain what she went through in that moment. 

Her heart was thrown back into her chest and shocked to life. 

Lena was standing in front of her. 

Lena was alive and she had been waiting.

She looked… looked like a miracle to Kara. 

She was even paler now, no regular exposure to sunlight to keep a healthy complexion but other than that… she looked good. She was thinner but not in the same way as Kara. Her curves had receded to be replaced by muscles, her dark hair was still long but tied back in a practical ponytail, white hairs dotted here and there like stylish highlights rather than markers of growing old. 

Her green eyes, however, were dimmed and her fingers kept tapping away awkwardly and uncoordinated in a blatant display of a nervous tic. She was wearing a heavily faded Midvale High School shirt, doc martens, worn-out jeans with a heavy duty belt from which various random tools and pieces of machinery were clipped to. 

“You’re here… You’re really here…” Kara breathed out, her blue eyes drinking in the sight of Lena shifting shyly from foot to foot as she stroked the smooth metal surface of a piece of machinery standing as sentinel by her side for comfort. 

“Lena?! She’s alive!” 

Kara barely even registered the exclamation from her ear piece, her full focus entirely on the woman before her.

“Kara.” Lena murmured and oh, Rao… if hearing her name fall from Lena’s lips wasn’t the single greatest sound in the universe.

“Lena, you’re here…” Kara whispered totally awestruck, getting to her feet and taking slow, careful steps towards Lena, her fingers instinctively reaching out for the raven-haired woman.

“I don’t under-... this isn’t real… you’re not real… you can’t be real…” Lena stammered, shuffling backwards and away from Kara.

Kara couldn’t help the gasp of pain, her heart so close to being fully returned only to back away from her. It wasn’t even Lena putting space between them after so, so, so long apart… it was the fear and confusion in those green eyes that Kara had dreamt about every night that inflicted the true hurt.

The gasp of pain also came with the realisation that Lena wasn’t quite the same, that being alone and isolated had left its indelible mark… That Kara hadn’t saved all of her and that Lena hadn’t believed Kara would save her… and that… that broke Kara.

“Did I answer the knock? Is this a dream? Milo analyse the surroundings and conditions.” Lena ordered, dropping her gaze to her tablet as she tapped frantically against the screen, mumbling her every thought out loud. “Hallucination, most likely… potential causes… sleep deprivation? Unlikely, I have a set sleep schedule. Radioactivity has finally penetrated the bunker and has caused a multitude of health problems. Possible, though I take regular readings of-”

“Lena! Please, stop…” Kara cried, collapsing to her knees in front of Lena. “I’m here, okay? I’m really here!”

“No! No!” Lena shouted in return, “This isn’t real! Because… because… You’re meant to be married! You’re meant to be happy! You’re not meant to be here…” Lena’s breaths came out sharp and panicky, so obviously overwhelmed and Kara just wanted to soothe her.

If it was nine years ago Kara would know exactly how to do that. Back then Lena needed a grounding touch, needed to feel like she wasn’t alone, that someone was there to hold her and support her through it…

But would this Lena want that?

Would Lena jerk away from her touch? 

Barbed wire had curled around Kara’s heart making her wary of getting too close until she had tenderly uncoiled every piece of twisted metal that had been threaded through it.

Here’s the thing though… The barbed wire hurt Kara to touch but Lena, her heart, was living with it, had endured the wire being inserted and had learnt to survive its constant barbs, now here Kara was disturbing it all. Anything Kara did would inevitably hurt Lena in some small way - confusion, panic and uncertainty - the very least she could do is hold Lena closer, if that's what she wanted, and share the pain.

Kara’s fingers reached out, and made gentle contact. It was the softest that Kara had ever touched anything, because this… Lena… deserved everything to be soft and tender and beautiful….

She wanted to pull Lena’s hands away from her face but she didn’t want to force Lena in any way, she just wanted her to know that Kara was really there and was not going anywhere.  

Thankfully, miraculously… Lena leaned into her rather than away and Kara was gifted the scent of citrus with a hint of oil as Lena rested her forehead on Kara’s shoulder, accepting Kara’s support.

Her Lena was definitely still there and the barbed wire was not as copious as Kara had initially feared.

“Lena, how could I be happy without you?” Kara whispered, her fingers moving ever so carefully from Lena’s biceps, round to her back… so tenderly wrapping Lena up in her arms, finally, finally able to breathe after years of holding her breath. “Let me take you home, please, please Lena… let me take you away from here, please…” Kara begged, pressing featherlight lips against Lena’s forehead. “Let’s go see that sunset, yeah?”

Lena pulled away and before Kara had a chance to feel hurt about the distance, the kryptonian felt calloused, wonderful palms cupping her face and wiping away the tears that Kara hadn’t even realised she was shedding until Lena’s thumbs wiped them away. “You still want to? Even after all this time?”

Kara barely resisted the urge to laugh at the sheer preposterousness of the question. 

“It’s all I’ve thought about.” Kara confessed and she felt her face ache with the size of the smile trying to take over her face. 

And if Kara thought that seeing Lena, being reunited with her heart, couldn’t get any better she was about to be proven totally wrong because green eyes dipped down and honed in with intent. For the first time in nearly a decade Kara’s stomach swooped with that heady mixture of arousal and nerves that only Lena could evoke.

Kara breathed in sharply and leaned forward when-

“Sha-la-la-la-la-la, music play, do what the music say, you wanna kiss the girl.” Kara’s head whipped around to see a… a… robot dog singing????

Kara’s eyebrows shot up as the greyhound-shaped piece of metal with glowing green LED eyes, banged its tail excitedly on the floor as it moved its shiny head from Lena to Kara and back again.

“Thanks, Milo.” Lena chuckled wetly; Kara had forgotten what Lena’s throaty laugh sounded like and she could feel her whole body lighten up after hearing it that she had to will herself not to start hovering off the floor. “I have a robot dog, now.” Lena explained needlessly, cheeks turning an embarrassed pink that made Kara truly have faith that everything would be okay between them regardless of whatever came next.

“I can see that.” Kara replied with a laugh, her hand reaching out to brush through Lena’s dark hair, as she asked her voice brimming with hope, “Are you ready to go?”

“Yeah, yeah, I am…” Lena admitted with a fervent nod of her head before pressing a delicate kiss to Kara’s cheek. “I want to see that sunset.”

[princess-of-the-corner]

Feel free to ignore, but what do you think would change if Adrien was a girl with optional boy Marinette? (Trans or cis, your preference)

Let's make them both trans just for fun! I'll use the typical gender swap names of Marin and Adrienne. (Also, slight warning: I'm half-asleep and also dumb, so I might accidentally use their Canon names/genders. I'm not trying to be an asshole I'm just dumb and tired)

So both transitioned pre-series. However. There's differences on who knows.

Marin: Other than his parents, its mostly old friends like Nino and Kim remember Marin pre-transition. They still sometimes call him "Nette"/"Nettie" as a nickname, but Marin doesn't mind because it doesn't immediately out him. Rose and Juleka also know because Juleka and Marin both got trans vibes off each other and came out to one another. Other than that, most of the class only remembers Marin as a boy and he doesn't feel the need to tell everyone outright. Some people guess because Marin is very LGBT+ involved, so they know he's somewhere in that.

As for Adrienne, she's unfortunately out to everyone because the Agrestes are well known. Adrienne made her modeling debut modeling boys clothes, but after coming out to her parents she was switched to modeling female clothes(because Gabriel might be a fuck but at least he's not a transphobe!). It was kind of a big PR thing when it happened, and she still sometimes gets misgendered in magazines, but that's what the lawyers are for! As I said though, Adrienne doesn't have quite as much privacy on who she can tell because of that. Though the class doesn't immediately know because they weren't paying attention to the Agrestes before meeting Adrienne, they do find out through articles about her now that they're paying attention.

Onto some changes, let's start with Chloé! She still sees Adrienne as her best friend/almost sibling, and is very protective/possessive of her. But it doesn't come across as a romantic crush because Chloé can't use Adrienne as a "let me pretend I'm straight" crush. She will fight anyone who misgenders Adrienne though. The fact that Chloé can be friends with someone as sweet and kind as Adrienne without any 'crush' to explain her interest gets people looking at her in a new light. Like a "huh. Maybe she's not a total bitch?", and everyone decides to subtly work with her/give her a chance to be nicer.

Marin still befriends Alya in Origins but doesn't come out to her immediately. Adrienne also befriends Nino too.

Marin also still develops a crush on Adrienne. While he didn't pay attention to Agreste Family Drama before, he is aware that Adrienne is trans so that's not an issue in his anxieties.

On the flip side: Ladynoir. Or Lordnoire.

Lordbug and Chat Noire are Paris's Heroes. And they're dynamic is pretty much the same, except Chat Noire is less open in her flirting at the beginning.

The reason for that is because she doesn't know if Lordbug will like her if he finds out she's trans, so she doesn't quite get her hopes up until later. Because Chat Noire tells Marin during a "Marichat Moment", so next "Lordnoire" moment, Lordbug drops a "btw I'm trans" into the conversation.

So a lot of the plots don't change. But some of the crush drama does. Let's start:

Nathaniel in Evilustrator: Nath still has a crush on Marin. Chloé doesn't tease the crush as much in this version because she might be a bitch but outing someone like that is a line she doesn't cross. Nathaniel kind of ends up outing himself because Evilustrator takes Marin on the date and everyone connects those dots.

Nino in Animan: Nino still has a crush on Marin but is having more of a LGBT-related debate within himself. He's like "I have a crush on Marin, which should mean I'm not straight because he is a guy. But as he is my first guy crush will he see it as me being not-straight or will he think I'm still straight but not accepting him? And even worse, is that what I'm subconsciously doing???" By the end, DJWifi still happens and Nino can tell Marin "so I'm not straight and I did have a crush on you but also I now have a crush on Alya and we're dating!". The power of being locked in a panther cage.

Théo in Copycat: Because he's straight, Théo's crush is on Chat Noire instead. She rejects him for several reasons, the biggest being that she's in love with Lordbug. Théo ends up as a Copybug instead, jealous that Lordbug has captured the heart of his crush. Lordbug thinks it was because he didn't come to the statue thing, but after he's defeated he apologizes to Chat Noire about how he reacted to her rejection. Lordbug'a just standing there like "wait, if you were upset she rejected you, why'd you turn into fake me???". Chat Noire helps dodge that by pointing out that they're about to detransform.

Kagami: I'm debating on this. Tbh I want to set it up for my usual polyship as endgame, but That's not the debate. The debate is whether Kagami has a crush on Adrienne and the "oh no I'm gay!" Panic, or Kagami gets the crush on Marin first. Either way, she ends up having a friendship with Marin earlier.

Luka: while I could switch the crushes like I did with Kagami, Luka initially interacts with Marin more than Adrienne. Polyship is endgame like usual, but it's lining up as more of a Mariharem. On the other hand, Adrienne might have a closer friendship to Juleka because transgirl solidarity, which would give Adrienne an excuse to be over more and in the process get to known Luka more too.

Now for the real fun plot: Lila.

Because of Lila's manipulative nature, I wouldn't put it past her to pretend to be gay to get the money/power that would come with seducing Adrienne. Especially because while she would pretend to be accepting, she wouldn't see Adrienne as a 'girl'.

However, let's have a twist in the AU and point out that Lila has other options for her 'meal ticket'. After all, everyone in every salt fic has pointed out how Canon!Mari has the same connections that Lila attempts to lie about!

So, Lila decides to try seducing Marin instead. She doesn't know that Marin is trans and that'll be an issue later but for now it's her plan.

Marin still clocks Lila as a liar because while Lila did enough research to avoid telling lies Marin can easily disprove(like the Jagged's cat one), she still did the 'Lordbug's my bff!' Thing. He gives the half-truth to Lila of "Lordbug was upset you would lie about him and is looking for you to tell you to stop".

Volpina happens as in Canon. Except her Illusion at the Eiffel Tower is Marin instead of Adrien. Though the book plot is slightly different. Marin saw Adrienne with the book, Tikki said "we need to get that!", so Marin managed to start a conversation to try and borrow it. Lila stole it because Marin was interested. Marin does manage to get it back and that goes the same.

Lila then disappears for Season 2, so let's jump to her return in Season 3.

As Marin is her target, she tries to get someone else sent to the back. It ends up being Adrienne, because she's nice even if she thinks Lila's a liar(she can't tell anyone "I know she's a liar because I'm Chat Noire"), and offered to give up her seat for someone who needs it for a disability.(and she was actually asked instead of shoved back there without her input).

Marin tries to call Lila out, but he has less proof than in Canon. As I said, since seducing Marin with lies was Lila's plan, she avoided lies he could disprove. So even without the "jealousy", it's easy to write Marin off as just overly paranoid.

Still, Marin refuses to sit by Lila, and instead goes to the back with Adrienne because she looks lonely. Which pisses Lila off.

Later, Lila decides to threaten both Marin and Adrienne. Though separately, of course.

She tells Marin that she already has his friends under her spell, and it would be so easy to turn them against him if he didn't comply. Not to mention that it'd be hard to convince them that he's not interested. After all, as far as they know, Lila is such a sweet and wonderful girl! She's their friend! Even if Marin is into someone else, why would he be so upset about someone like Lila showing interest?

Marin believes in his friends. But he still panics at the threat.

With Adrienne, Lila tries to play nicer because she thinks that she can manipulate her. Lila plays the "I don't want to let a boy get between us", already planning on painting Adrienne as jealous. When Adrienne tries the nicer "I know you're lying but I think you're doing it because you want friends and I'll be your friend if you stop lying. Also what was that about a boy coming between us because idk what you're talking about?!".

Lila lied and told Adrien she'd try, but of course has no intention of doing that.

The Akuma fight goes about the same.

Afterward, Adrienne talks to Marin about her conversation with Lila. Marin is a little more confident in telling Adrienne about Lila's threats. Adrienne is pissed, and tries to stand up for Marin, but is brushed off because Lila already painted her as jealous.

So neither are believed. For Marin, they believe his suspicions of Lila are tunnel vision of his crush on Adrienne combined with insecurity of "if someone likes me it must be for ulterior motives". Meanwhile, everyone knows that Adrienne likes Marin but is denying it with 'he's just a friend!', and think she's jealous of Lila's interest.

How the turntables.

This would change other Lila-centric episodes like Oni-chan and Ladybug, but I'm too tired to deal with that rn.

[themelodicenigma]

Concept of Canon/Canonicity Subjects

Part 1.

New and old fans happily entering online fandom for the first time will stumble upon the word canon very quickly. Maybe it sounds trivial and overused, or it’s confusing because you have no idea what religious dogma has to do with a romantic relationship between two characters. Further down the rabbit hole, veteran fans will talk about what related works count, why certain episodes from an anime don’t matter, why you can’t cite this or that, canon tier lists, contradictions being the most heinous crime ever committed, etc. All of this somehow inevitably leading to unhinged discourse about canon on every forum, blog, or YouTube comment section you step foot in. By the end of it, you’re wondering why fandom didn’t come with a warning label as you get the hell out of dodge.

But, don’t feel too bad. Even veteran participants, after years and years of online debate and frustration, ask themselves this question:

“Why does it even matter?”

Luckily, if in the grand scheme of simply consuming entertainment as it presents itself: it doesn’t matter. No, seriously. Anyone is allowed to freely enjoy all types of content available without user “eyeM1337” furiously typing “THAT ISN’T CANON!!!” at them.

Ultimately, you don’t really have to care about this if just for your right of enjoying content. Not to mention, you certainly can coexist in online circles by this principle by simply not engaging in certain conversations. However, if you do decide to interact with many other fans outside of your own personal enjoyment of a franchise, if even to expand your knowledge about a series or to act on the desire to engage in all types of conversation—this seemingly taboo word can become a useful tool for the overall fandom experience. Between communal enjoyment and efficient discussion, there are numerous benefits to understanding the ideals behind the “concept of canon” for fictional media and its relationship to recognizing the levels of authenticity for all related materials and contexts to a given series.

This’ll be a comprehensive exploration of the phenomenon that is canon and its meaning and application, primarily for the fictional setting. Whether this assists you in fandom discussion or for research purposes, hopefully you’ll be ready to learn what “eyeM1337”s deal is the next time they yell at you.

I’ll start this post off with the “Definition of Canon” section:

Definition of Canon

To inquire after the meaning of a word, typically the best place to start is its definition.

Other than the term canon itself, there are a few other words that are imperative to grasp when diving into the concept as a whole. Chances are you’ve come across these in the wilds of fandom several times. While they have multiple layers in their dictionary counterparts, canon, continuity, canonical, and canonicity generally have the following meaning when applied specifically towards fictional media:

Canon: Noun. An official continuity of a fictional series established by and/or recognizable dominantly through the appropriate genuine parties [original creators, franchise owners, accredited persons] involved. For the sake of simplicity, it’s considered to be the “official story” in totality. Continuity: Noun. The consistency within a canon, or in another light, the glue that holds it together. It’s the components of the “official story” [applicable expanded materials like spin-offs or side stories included] and focuses on the consistency holding these elements together—the scenarios/plot, character details, concepts, dialogue, etc. Canonical: Adj. Describes the elements that directly represent or are applied to the continuity of a canon. In the case of “non-canonical”, it’s simply the opposite of this. Determining the canonical/non-canonical nature of something is largely what fandom is concerned with. When someone says something is “canon/non-canon” what they really mean is “canonical/non-canonical”. Canonicity: Noun. Following its dictionary counterpart, “the quality or state of being canonical”, canonicity refers to the broad topic of a subject’s canonical/non-canonical nature (as a whole and/or by specific details) relative to a canon and its continuity. This opens the discussion about specific sources of context that are represented under a single/different canon(s)—e.g. Game Canonicity, TV Show Canonicity, Movie Canonicity, etc. If we’re talking about a series’ “game canonicity”, we’re discussing the game’s canonical or non-canonical elements or state of being as a whole.

So, easy enough. With definitions alone, the flames of discourse can be extinguished and all fandom residents can be at peace, right? Right?

Ha.

It wouldn’t be such a hot topic if it was that easy. People aren’t just seeking definitions, but rather how to function with them to get answers. Turns out that what we do with these definitions, or more directly, what the authorities over the series don’t do, is partly what fuels “canon-talk” in fandom.

In general, if everything was copacetic in officially identifying the canon, these definitions hit the mark of what those confirmed materials would stand as. However, when an official, strict establishment of a canon is absent, fandom communities will have to define and use these terms at different angles for classifying things in a series. This begets varying perceptions on canonicity and what exactly applies to the specific context, including many ontological discussions of a fictional material’s place in the world for “what matters, what counts”. This is either grounded in a different understanding of canon altogether, or this can be due to how the terms can have a certain nuance for a specific context [series] they’re applicable to. Admittedly, there can be more questions than answers when diving into the subject, and this has understandably thrown fandom into a tizzy.

There’s no need to bring out the pitchforks or heated tweets at the proper authorities over a series, however. Seeing as creators don’t always feel (or need to be) obliged to follow the mindset or technicalities of canon, they’re not entirely at an offense here when validation is lacking. Their number one priority is production and quality. There are companies that have efforts in establishing this on their own terms (e.g. Star Wars), or even some that do so to a degree that doesn’t utilize the specifics of the term canon itself. But, not every series will explicitly carry a formal statement regarding canonicity, and it isn’t exactly an immediate concern most of the time.

But for fandom, this absence can create quite the mess, most notably for multimedia franchises that have much more content to evaluate under the canonical lens. Without the official say, debate over what these words really mean will happen just as often as the extensive arguments over what constitutes canonical worth for the given series.

Is this side story an actual part of the continuity, is this characterization genuine, is this author considered legitimate, was this detail a retcon or is it just non-canonical fun-fodder, how do you even tell something is canonical, etc. Question after question, and soon what it means to be “official” can become frustratingly obscure when all these questions are coming from what is considered official, authentic products. That line between what’s made to "count" and material made for the sake of entertainment blurs—even worse when we include the products that kind of function as both!

So, what do we do when definitions aren’t enough for canonical recognition?

If we’re using the understanding of canon as the starting place, we take a step back to break down the “how” and “why” of canon. Kind of a “what makes canon, canon” sort of deal. A significant step can be gained in this comprehension for its functionality and help us formulate recognition. What once was just a definition becomes much more of a wide concept free to examine fully to assess any given implementation. Or at least, for what can be done to one’s best ability.

The following “key properties of canon”, as I call them, are observable through how the term has functioned in history. Looking at its functional evolution in the act of selectivity for given materials, we are able to see the commonality behind the use of the term in any setting.

Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

[sage-nebula]

I understand that part of the misunderstanding might be stemming from subtitles, but I also think part of the misunderstanding is coming from a refusal to pay real thought and attention to Kagami and her character, so I just want to spell this out real quick:

Kagami was NOT pressuring Adrien into a relationship in “Miracle Queen”. She was pushing him to GIVE HER A STRAIGHT ANSWER.

Of course, we don’t have the English dub yet, but let’s take a look at the high quality subs of the Ukranian version that we do have, shall we?

Adrien: [pushes away from the kiss] “No! I mean, yes! I mean, this is the first time when . . . I . . . I thought it would be different.”

Kagami: “Are you not happy with me?”

Adrien: “No, that’s not it! I just don’t think I’m ready.”

Kagami: “When will you be ready?”

Adrien: [doesn’t answer, looks away]

Kagami: “Your indecision hurts me, Adrien.”

Kagami gives Adrien not one, but two chances to reject her here. When he first pushes away from the kiss, despite his flip-flopping on whether he actually wanted the kiss or not (”no, I mean, yes! I mean---”) she asks him flat out if he likes her or not. He could have said no! He could have apologized and said he didn’t have feelings for her! She would have been hurt, but she asked him, so she would have accepted that! Instead, he denies it, and says that the real reason is that he’s not ready. So she asks him when he will be, and to that he dodges the question and looks away, at which point she tells him that his indecision is hurting her, i.e., if he rejected her, at least he’d be making a choice, and she could then move on. 

In other words, Kagami would rather be rejected outright than strung along and played with.

Because, unintentionally or not (and I do believe it’s unintentional), that is what Adrien’s doing, and it is painful, especially for someone like Kagami who isn’t confident in her ability to read other people to begin with (she had to look up a Wikihow to try to befriend Marinette, ffs), and who, as proven by her own words and her actions time and again in the show, doesn’t hesitate and doesn’t appreciate others beating around the bush either.

But let’s look at all the ways Adrien has sent Kagami mixed signals, shall we? We’ll take it episode by episode. (As a note, I’m starting with “Frozer” instead of “Riposte” since it was “Frozer” where their interactions started to be coded as romantic, versus “Riposte” where they only became friends at the end of the episode.)

Frozer:

At the start of the episode, Adrien confides in Kagami that things aren’t working out with the girl he likes, and in the process of giving him advice (which boiled down to “if she doesn’t like you, move on” which is yet another indicator that Kagami would do the same if Adrien flat out rejected her), she flirts with him a little (by telling him to “change [his] target”). At that point, Adrien gives her a rose, and asks her to go ice skating with him. By all accounts, Kagami has every single right to think that Adrien has just asked her out on a date, which must be pretty exciting given that a.) she likes him, and b.) we have 100% reason to believe this is the first time she’s ever been asked out given how socially isolated she’s been her whole life. At this point, Kagami has no idea that it will be anyone but the two of them at the ice rink. Why should she think that’s a possibility, when Adrien gave her a rose when he asked her out, and when he did so immediately after she advised him to “change targets”? If it were Marinette in Kagami’s place, I’m pretty sure the entire fandom would have been overjoyed that Adrien had just asked her out!

But of course, that wasn’t the end of the story. Kagami finds out on the day of that Adrien has invited someone else, and that the someone else he invited brought along another person. Keeping in mind that Kagami has been socially isolated and, as we later learn in “Ikari Gozen”, needs a Wikihow article to help her interact with others, having two virtual strangers along on what is now suddenly a group date can’t have done a lot to help her mood. All of a sudden she’s realizing that although Adrien gave her a rose and asked her out, apparently there’s someone else that she’s competing with for his affections, and she’s competing with this other person on her date with Adrien, because Adrien brought the other person along. Again, imagine if Kagami and Marinette’s roles were reversed: Imagine if we saw Adrien ask Marinette out by giving her a rose, only for him to show up with Kagami and Luka in tow. Sure, he’d still be “with” Marinette, but a group date is nowhere near as special as a single date, particularly if one half of said date didn’t know it was going to be a group date to begin with.

But for all the discomfort and upset Kagami felt, she took it pretty gracefully. She accepts it at the end when Adrien tells her he’s not ready to “switch targets,” and tells him that she’ll be waiting for when he is. She then leaves. She doesn’t throw a fit, she doesn’t yell at him for inviting others, she doesn’t attack Marinette (and no, telling Marinette that if she (Marinette) doesn’t make a move then she (Kagami) will does not count as an attack). She accepts the disappointment and moves on.

So in this episode, Kagami received two very strong signals that Adrien was into her (the rose and date invitation), and two very strong signals that he was not (inviting Marinette, telling her at the end he wasn’t ready to move on). Thus our score is:

Positive Signals: 2 Negative Signals: 2

A very even mix. Let’s move on.

Animaestro:

Adrien greets Kagami as soon as she arrives at the theater. Yes, he was told to do so by Nathalie, but Kagami wouldn’t know this. He also notably greets her in Japanese, showing that he’s taken some time to study the language, when I believe previously we only knew him to be studying Chinese. It makes sense that Gabriel would want him to study Japanese given the Agreste’s relationship with the Tsurugi family, but nonetheless, I’m sure Kagami would have been a bit pleased by that as well, albeit perhaps less so than Adrien seeking her out to greet her at the movie premier. A little bit after that, when she links her arm through his so they can go find a seat (a subtle flirt), Adrien does not pull his arm away. Instead, he keeps their arms linked as they walk off. Adrien easily could have pulled away, easily could have rejected that physical contact, proximity, and flirtation (just as he pushes away from the kiss in “Miracle Queen”), but he didn’t. He accepted it. He happily went along with it. This, like the rose and the date invitation, would be a very strong signal to Kagami.

Building on that, during Chloe’s and Marinette’s attempted sabotage, Adrien not only helps her find a chair, but he helps her with the gum on her shoe as well. He pays special attention and care to her, something her mother---who is noticeably cold---points out. Kagami and her mother don’t always see eye-to-eye, but the fact that her mother thinks that Adrien is paying special care to Kagami would no doubt lead Kagami to believe the same, particularly since Adrien doesn’t deny it and takes the compliments. All in all, the movie premier wasn’t a date per se, but they spent a good portion of the evening together and Adrien gave her nothing but positive signals (with the only potentially negative one being when he chatted happily with Marinette at the end, but I don’t think Kagami had a very negative reaction to that that I can remember). So, counting the greeting at the beginning, the linked arms, and the special attention as positive signals (and the greeting in Japanese as half a positive signal), and Adrien chatting with Marinette at the end as half a negative signal, our scores are now:

Positive Signals: 5.5 Negative Signals: 2.5

Still mixed, but erring more on the side of positive than negative.

Backwarder:

Adrien greets Kagami at the train, and he takes her hand to help her onboard. However, this is pretty much the exact same thing that Gabriel did for Kagami’s mother, so that in itself wouldn’t send too much of a signal to Kagami, I don’t think. On that note, we don’t actually see Adrien talk to Kagami at all throughout the episode. They sit next to each other on the train, but he spends his time on the train either reading the letter that Marinette gave him, or listening to a news report on his phone with his earbuds in. And we know from the end of the episode that he spent pretty much the whole trip looking for the medicine Marinette accidentally requested he find. Therefore, I think in this episode Kagami was given maybe half a positive signal (for him helping her on the train), but two negative ones as well (him ignoring her on the train, him spending the trip looking for something for Marinette instead of spending time with her).

Positive Signals: 6 Negative Signals: 4.5

Oni-chan:

Kagami sees the photo that Lila posted online of her (Lila) kissing Adrien’s cheek, and we know that she took this as a very negative signal given that she not only throws her phone, but also pulls out her journal to look at the pressed rose inside---the same one that Adrien gave Kagami, that she kept because it meant something to her (not only as a token of his seeming romantic affection, I’d imagine, but quite possibly the very first gift she ever received from a friend). What’s interesting to note here, though, is that I believe this is the first time Kagami has been made aware that Lila is a person who even exists. Before this, all signs pointed to Kagami believing Marinette is the other girl Adrien had feelings for (“Frozer”, “Backwarder”). This means that Kagami’s rage might have been fueled not only from heartbreak, but also the idea that Adrien was just playing her, and possibly Marinette, and who knows how many others; that maybe he wasn’t the person she thought he was.

Either way, Gabriel (as Hawkmoth) sorts that out when he akumatizes her, telling her that Lila is dangerous, and that Adrien is just naive and being played by her. No doubt because Kagami already had feelings for Adrien (all those positive signals), and no doubt because she succumbed to the akuma’s power, she agrees with this narrative and sets about hunting down Lila to “punish” her for threatening Adrien (though not before giving Adrien her Declaration of Protection, and confessing her feelings to him in the first place). This is probably why, after she’s de-akumatized, she once again holds the rose to her chest, both thankful to have it back, and forgiving her initial negative thoughts about Adrien.

Regardless, during their fencing practice at the end of the episode, Adrien tells Kagami that he’s “only trying to be worthy of [her],” which she clearly takes as a positive sign given how she smiles and blushes. Considering that this is after Adrien has realized that she really does have feelings for him (given that she confessed while akumatized and he saw that her akumatized item was the rose he gave her), she has very good reason to think so! (Even though she doesn’t remember the confession bit and doesn’t know he’s Chat Noir, but nonetheless, we know and that makes those signals even stronger for us than for her).

So we have the negative signal of seeing the photo, and the positive signal of Adrien telling her he’s trying to be worthy of her. (Gabriel assuaging Kagami’s rage toward Adrien doesn’t count since that didn’t come from Adrien himself.) Once again, it’s an equal number of positive and negative signals in this episode, though unlike in “Frozer”, this time we end on a positive signal instead of a negative one.

Positive Signals: 7 Negative Signals: 5.5

Desperada:

Adrien and Kagami arrive together at the Kitty Section practice session. Given that this seems to have taken place before both “Silencer” and “Ikari Gozen”, Kagami doesn’t really know and isn’t friends with any of the people already present (including Marinette herself), and therefore it’s fair to assume that the person who invited her to come along with him was Adrien. We know, too, that the two of them opted to skip fencing practice, which is something Adrien could have done by himself had he wanted to. The fact that he invited her to skip fencing practice to go hang out at band practice with him would be pretty significant to her.

(And yes, I am sticking to the fact that this episode must come before “Silencer” chronologically, because as of the end of “Silencer” Marinette knows how Luka feels about her, whereas in this episode Alya says that the boys haven’t made their decisions yet, and Marinette goes along with this. I know what the production order is, but episodes can be made out of order for any reason. Until Word of God comes out and says otherwise, I’m sticking to this---and, tbh, I’m sticking to it even after Word of God, if we’re being entirely honest.)

We don’t see too much interaction between them after this, save for how Kagami protected Adrien and then tried to attack Desperada (once again showing that she never hesitates), but what we saw at the beginning was enough to see that Adrien only had positive signals for Kagami in this episode, even if it was only one (inviting her to skip fencing practice to go to band practice instead).

Positive Signals: 8 Negative Signals: 5.5

Loveater:

Since Kagami was only seen in a flashback in “Stormy Weather 2″ and since I don’t think she interacted with him as himself in “Ikari Gozen”, that brings us to “Loveater.”

When we see Kagami and Adrien in “Loveater”, they’re already together, seated on the same bench with Gorilla. As far as we know, they arrived together. Whether they did or not, though, they’re on the same page; both want to help Marinette, and both do help her take the trays into the kitchen. While they’re in there, Adrien and Kagami begin fencing with a pair of ladles; Marinette looks sad and left out, because right then, she kind of is. All of Adrien’s attention is on Kagami as they play and banter with each other (and as we know, playful banter can indeed be a form of flirting). And although Adrien tells Marinette not to leave when they leave the kitchen, it should be noted that it was Kagami who told Marinette that she should “sneak away with [them].” Therefore, Adrien not wanting Marinette to leave wouldn’t read as a negative signal to Kagami, since she didn’t want Marinette to leave either, and, unlike Adrien, was the one who actually said so directly. (Which doesn’t exactly pertain to the mixed signals Adrien gives her, but more is just another instance of how Kagami gets straight to the point instead of being wishy-washy or vague about things.)

Up on the rooftop, Adrien takes both their hands before leaping into the ball pit. However, when they’re done playing in the ball pit, it should be noted that he and Kagami left first, and not only did they leave first, but Adrien glanced at Kagami before he began to play the piano, and his body was turned a bit toward her as well. Once again, it seems as if Marinette has been left out before Kagami includes her by saying that her hair is beautiful. Adrien agrees, but he only said that (and looked toward Marinette) in the first place because Kagami spoke up first. If she hadn’t drawn attention to Marinette, Adrien’s attention probably would have remained focused on the song that he seemed to be playing for her. (Which makes me feel bad to say, but let’s be honest: Marinette was kind of third wheeling in this episode, something she herself realized at the end.)

When they escape to the bench and Marinette asks if they’ll get in trouble with their parents, Adrien answers for both of them, and leans his head in toward Kagami as they laugh. When Kagami and Adrien are eating ice cream---just the two of them, now---they’re not only sitting very close to each other, but she wipes away some ice cream on his cheek and, though he’s surprised, he doesn’t pull away. She offers him the stem of the cone, and he lets her feed him (which is a very couples-thing; how many people do that with their friends?). And when she leans in for the kiss, he not only quickly eats the rest of the cone, but he closes his eyes and doesn’t pull away. This wasn’t a surprise kiss, like the one at the end. This was one he knew was coming, one he closed his eyes and prepared for. It wasn’t interrupted because he rejected it, but rather because Marinette (as Ladybug) yoinked Kagami away.

At the end of the episode, Kagami tells Adrien that she was taken away by Ladybug to protect the two of them, since the akuma was attacking “people in love.” When Adrien, in surprise, repeats this, Kagami smiles, nods, and slowly puts her hands on his shoulders, then her arms around his neck. He doesn’t pull away. She tugs him closer and leans up, and he doesn’t pull away. By contrast, he closes his eyes again and leans down. Although we know that at the start of the next episode he does push her away, at the end of this one, he was accepting and leaning into the kiss. So, from start to finish, “Loveater” was nothing but positive signals from Adrien to Kagami---a total of eight, as a matter of fact (play-fencing in the kitchen, getting out of the ball pit to play the piano for her, leaning in close to her as they laughed over their shared experience, not pulling away when she swiped the ice cream off his cheek, letting her feed him, not pulling away from the almost-kiss, not pulling away when she embraced him at the end, and leaning into the real kiss). Therefore, at the end of “Loveater,” the scores are:

Positive Signals: 14 Negative Signals: 5.5

Still mixed, but at that point in time, weighted heavily in “positive, he likes me”’s direction.

Miracle Queen:

By the end of “Miracle Queen” we see that Adrien has made his decision, both in how he sits by her, how he smiles at her, and how he wipes the ice cream off her cheek (which is the same move she pulled on him in the previous episode). So let’s examine the beginning, and why Kagami finally lets him know that she’s frustrated with the back and forth. This time, I’m going to add signals to the tally in real time, using the script I transcribed above.

Adrien: [pushes away from the kiss] “No!” 

Positive Signals: 14 Negative Signals: 6.5

Adrien: “I mean, yes!”

Positive Signals: 15 Negative Signals: 6.5

Adrien: “I mean, this is the first time when . . . I . . . I thought it would be different.”

Positive Signals: 15 Negative Signals: 7.5

Kagami: “Are you not happy with me?”

Adrien: “No, that’s not it!”

Positive Signals: 16 Negative Signals: 7.5

Adrien: “I just don’t think I’m ready.”

Positive Signals: 16? Negative Signals: 8

Kagami: “When will you be ready?”

Adrien: [doesn’t answer, looks away]

Positive Signals: 16 Negative Signals: 8.5?

Kagami: “Your indecision hurts me, Adrien.”

As I outlined above, ever since “Frozer” Adrien has been giving Kagami mixed signals. In some episodes, his signals are very heavily positive (e.g. “Animaestro”), in some they’re very negative (e.g. “Backwarder”), and in others they’re equally balanced (e.g. “Frozer”, “Ikari Gozen”). But although the intensity of the mixed messages varies from interaction to interaction (as is realistic, particularly considering that I think we can all agree that Adrien is not intentionally leading Kagami on), the fact remains that the messages he gives her are still decidedly mixed. He might ignore her on a London trip, but he tells her he’s trying to be worthy of her while sparring and accepts her flirtations at movie premiers and while eating couples ice cream. On that note, given how every single interaction they had in “Loveater” was romantically coded, and that he was going to kiss her back in the middle of the episode, it’s no wonder that Kagami decides to make another definitive move on him at the end. Even if she wasn’t still pretty new to social interaction, most people would take everything Adrien did in “Loveater” alone as an indicator of interest. Again, swap Kagami and Marinette; if Adrien had done things for Marinette in “Loveater” like ditching Kagami in the ballpit to play the piano for her (Marinette), letting her feed him, and closing his eyes to accept the kiss, everyone would be shocked and appalled at him immediately pulling away at the start of the next episode to be wishy-washy again. The way Adrien interacted with Kagami in this episode, particularly given how he’s treated her in episodes previous, gave her every indication that she should make another move. And given the wide variety of mixed-signals, and especially including the rapid-fire flip-flopping he pulls in this very conversation when Kagami asks him for a straight answer, it’s no wonder she gets a little frustrated and tells him flat out that his indecision---or rather, his refusal to either date her for real or cut her loose so she can move on---is hurting her. Again, she’s not forcing Adrien in a relationship. She’s putting rejection plainly on the table. If he rejects her, she’ll accept it and move on. If he doesn’t want to be with her, fine. Not saying she wouldn’t be sad, but she flat out asked him “are you not happy with me” as a way for him to say “no, I don’t like you like that” so she can move on. She gave him the choice; all she wanted him to do was definitively make it, which is not an unreasonable request.

(It also makes her a vivid contrast to Luka. When Luka asked Marinette if she was still thinking of Adrien, she looked away in much the same way Adrien did when Kagami asked him when he’d be ready to move on. Luka, being laidback and soft, seems content to wait around while Marinette sorts out her feelings. This is not because Luka is “more understanding” than Kagami, but rather, I think, because his investment in his relationship with Marinette is not as intense as Kagami’s investment with Adrien. Luka has lots of friends, he has his music, he has a job; he cares about Marinette very much, but he also has a lot of other things going on in his life that make him more content emotionally, so that even when he’s disappointed that Marinette doesn’t see him like he’d like her to, he’s still okay. Kagami, on the other hand, has a grand total of two friends, one of whom is Adrien; fencing is a hobby in which she sees Adrien every single time there’s practice or a meet; and she doesn’t have a job because her mother keeps her on a very tight schedule that doesn’t allow for part-time employment. Kagami’s life outside of the time she spends with Adrien (and now Marinette) isn’t very happy, and being tugged around by Adrien in a “he likes me, he likes me not” situation really isn’t helping. Given all this, and the fact that Kagami has little patience for wishy-washy nonsense to begin with (both from others and herself---she holds herself to that same standard!), it’s no wonder she wants Adrien to just make up his mind, to either choose her or lose her. It’s a stark contrast from Luka, but it’s a very understandable one given their starkly different backgrounds.)

At the end of the episode, we see that Adrien agrees that what Kagami wanted wasn’t an unreasonable request. Regardless of his reasons for giving up on Ladybug (and we know that he still hadn’t totally at the beginning of “Miracle Queen”, given his hesitation), he’s nonetheless decided to let himself return Kagami’s affections, to intentionally send those positive signals instead of unintentionally waffling back and forth (because again, I don’t think he was stringing her along maliciously, but intent doesn’t matter as much as the end result in situations like this, and Kagami deserved an honest answer either way). The two of them seem to be dating now, which not only sends the message that you should go for what (or who) you want while you have the chance, but also that you should leave the choice in the other person’s hands and not push them into it (which is where Chat went wrong with Ladybug; even though she flat-out rejected him and did not send him mixed signals, he continued to push and pressure her anyway, which is in contrast to how Kagami didn’t have a direct rejection even when she made it plain that Adrien could give her one and she would back off).

So all in all, Kagami does not deserve the libel she’s been getting. She’s not controlling, nor is she possessive, nor did she pressure Adrien into a relationship. Instead, she’s a teenage girl who developed a crush on a boy that she spends a lot of time around, who received mixed signals from said boy that largely leaned toward positive, and who told him outright that she wanted him to make a decision about her one way or another so that she didn’t continue to get strung along in limbo. Kagami did nothing wrong, and does not at all deserve the bashing that she’s been receiving since “Riposte” even aired. Thank you.

[homogrimoire-archive]

Exhausted Wings / Good Luck

I wanted to explore how pacts (found in the Drakengard series) could work in the RWBYverse, since its just all magic. I also just want clover to live, but I also wanted to explore this. Besides, the literal binding of two souls has some nice romantic potential.

AO3 Link to Full Fic

Chapter 1: Exhausted Wings / Unknown Tunes

In an instant, the cold and desolate white landscape was marred by the crimson stain of warm blood. The bloody weapon was yanked out of the body it pierced with a bit of resistance, just as Tyrian liked it. He only wished he could see the look on Clover’s face. A dying man’s eyes were his most favorite to look at, besides the eyes of his Queen, of course. If it was any consolation, he could see Qrow’s eyes. Shock, fear, regret, and the faintest hint of hatred. An absolutely delectable concoction of emotions that gave Tyrian an absolutely euphoric feel.

“I’LL KILL YOU!” Qrow said as he lunged at the chaotic killer. As he dodged the pathetic punch, he could more clearly see the shift in Qrow’s emotions. Hatred was on full display now. Mixed in was also desperation and despair, another delectable sight to the scorpion. Tyrian had the feeling he would be sleeping well with some wonderful memories of Atlas in the coming nights. With an Atlas airship nearing, he decided to leave the black bird with a few choice words and a maniacal laugh. He knew he would have another chance to cause that bird some more pain. A moment later he heard a blood-curdling wail that made him smile from ear to ear. He had the feeling he would be sleeping very well. He considered it rather unfortunate that such emotions were difficult to produce in his conquests. With that, he continued his trek across the snow and ice to see what more chaos he could induce.

-

Raven… sensed something, and it concerned Qrow. Odd, she thought. He is a grown man and he abandoned the tribe. He can do whatever the hell he wants. If he ends up dying, then it’s his own fault for letting himself be so weak. she reasoned with herself . Despite this logic, she still felt that she wanted to see what was happening to him. He obviously wasn’t dead, yet, at least, as she knew she could still open a portal to him. Whatever he was going through was intense and distressful. She could tell that much. The Maiden’s powers had a strange interaction with her semblance. Not only could she also open a portal to their location, she could get a sense of how they were feeling in the moment and the state of their aura, among other things. She was also able to tell that he was somewhere near Atlas. Hmm… his aura is low, and in immense distress, I perhaps have something to gain. I could finish him off and show what happens when people abandon the tribe, their family. If I’m lucky, he’ll be near some dust shipments I can raid. With her reasoning sound, and nothing better to do, she notified her subordinates that she had business to take care of. She returned to her the privacy of her tent and stepped through a crimson-black portal.

She told herself this was a mission to help unify the tribe, a noble goal, but deep down, locked away in her subconscious, she was concerned. Qrow was her brother. They had grown up together and survived all that life had thrown at them thus far. Why? She would think on quiet nights when pondering on Qrow and his decision to leave the tribe. Why would he leave the tribe? Why would he leave me? Why? We had been through so much together. We grew strong together. We grew strong together until he decided to be weak . Corrected another part of her mind. To her, that part of her mind was the one she should listen to. To her, it was logical and would ensure the survival of the tribe. To her, it had no weaknesses.

-

In the midst of his tears, he heard the telltale sound of his sister’s portal crimson-black behind him. “Now is not the time Raven.” he said without turning his back to face her, voice straining. Just my luck. Clover’s dead, Tyrian has escaped, and now Raven shows up.

“You really have let yourself become weak.” she said, voice almost as cold as the Ice Queen. Qrow could see the airship landing, though he didn't really care. No one needed him anymore. Team RWBY is stronger than I’ll ever be. They’ll be better off without my bad luck anyways. Oz still has his mind locked away. James has taken a dive off the deep end and wants him captured so he could just be thrown into a jail cell. James… what happened to you, you monster.

“Can't you ever do something useful-”

“Halt!” cried the people in atlas uniforms who had their guns aimed at the avian siblings. But before they could do anything else, a slash of energy knocked them out, and a thrown sword knocked out the pilot through the windshield. As she walked over to retrieve the sword embedded in the military-grade windshield, Qrow realized something…

“Raven. Help me form a pact.” Their tribe had a story. It was the story of the origin of their tribe. A pact was first made by two people who became lovers. These two men, strangers at the time, were said to be near death as grimm surrounded them. However, they made a pact to live on, with each other, for they had no one else. With their strength renewed, and more powerful than ever, they killed the hoard of grimm. As they traveled, they allowed other strong souls, pact or not, to join them in their journey to survive. And the rest is history People could obtain power by binding themselves to another and forming a strong connection. That was its moral, hence the emphasis on family within the tribe. Those connections with each other are what made the tribe strong. However, the specifics on how to form a pact were lost to time. What remains can be found in their wedding ceremonies.

That was, until they met Ozpin, and told them a more complete version of the story, including how to perform the ritual. It demanded the blood of the people who would form a pact, words with meaning to the pact partners, physical contact, and a great deal of magic. It could not only bring back someone on the brink of death, it could bring them back from death itself. However, it was also very dangerous, resulting in the death of the pact partners if done wrong. This was also typically formed by one who had magical abilities, and one who did not. The one who did not have magical abilities would often bear a mark on their body and lose something about them. Oz told them this in order to gain their trust. Granted, he still withhold other information, like how their tribe does not actually descend from that original tribe. They were also wiped out when the Brothers Grimm left long ago. He imagined that neither would be able to perform it since they couldn't do magic, and had no idea how it would interact with aura and semblances. But regardless, here was Raven, a maiden with the magic capable of forming a pact.

“And why should I? I have half a mind to just finish you off here and now, and I’m not even sure it will work.” she said as she pulled the sword out of the windshield.

“I don’t care. I’ll return with you to the tribe, and follow your every order.” He could see that caught her attention. It’s a win-win for both of us. Either I’ll end up dead and be one less thorn in her side, or Clover will be alive and I’ll be at her every beck and call.

“Alright then. Get what we need.” Qrow went to grab Kingfisher, and the bloody Harbinger. He could feel the tears coming as he passes Clover’s lifeless body, Harbinger in hand. He used Kingfisher to make a cut on his arm to gather some blood. He could hardly stand to look at his sister’s face as he gave her the weapons.

“Any request for the words?”

“Good luck.” It wasn’t much to work with, but it’s all he really had. He moved to lie down next to Clover, and took his still warm hand into his. He could really feel the warm tears rolling down his face now. Raven didn’t say anything about it as she crossed the weapons at her chest so that dead and live man’s blood was touching.

“Someday,

I knew

That I

Would find

You Whom

I Would love in the days of the new ”

Qrow let out a small chuckle, almost a sob, as tears streamed down his face. This was the beginning of a wedding song. Heh. Damn you Raven. I always did want to get married. His body began to feel odd, now that he noticed it, and the sky above him was turning to a reddish-purple too. I’m not dead, so I guess that's a plus.

“May

I find you in the new life

Where

We

Can exist without the fear of my death.”

Now he was really crying, trying to at least hold back his sobs. At least funeral songs are an appropriate thing to cry at. A funeral song meant to be sung by the one who lost their love. And since he was crying, that meant he was still alive, and the ritual was persisting. The sky was a deep read now, almost like his eyes. What he did not see was how a sliver of the horizon was now a brilliant green, much like Clover’s eyes. Raven could see, and had to admit it was an awe-filled display of her power. She could also see that the blood stained weapons were also glowing with magic, her brother and the dead guy too.

“Sing a song with me

We

We can find new life

One away from Strife

They can hold their own

Loan

Loan us your loved luck

With you our lives won't suck

And with this farewell,

I

Hope

That

You

May find

All your hopes and dreams,

Yes,

And for this I wish

You good luck.”

How Raven came up with that song, he did not know, and neither did she. Perhaps it was the magic. They could feel the ritual finalizing. Raven could see something rather interesting. Their auras were beginning to mix. Red met green, and green met red. And Raven dropped the weapons. They were incredibly hot now. And the sky was an odd gradient of red and green. In a sudden blast and a flash of light, the pact process was complete. Qrow felt… revitalized. His body wasn't sore. He checked his scroll, and found both his and found both his and Clover’s aura at one-hundred percent. Just to be safe, he checked for a pulse on the still unconscious Clover, and found steady beat. He felt ecstatic, though only for a moment. He was honor bound to follow his sister now, for better or worse. Considering all he was leaving behind, he felt that it was for the better.

“What now, big sister?” He wiped the smile off his face. She doesn’t deserve to see it.

“Know any places to get some dust?”

-

Clover feels himself begin to awake. His eyes are still adjusting. The sky looks… red? It is cloudless now and he swears he can see two black dots flying to somewhere in the red sky. It looks less red now. He moves his hand to his stomach, and remembers. He jumps up. Is this the afterlife?! He thinks, eyes wide and adjusted now. He looks around and finds that his uniform still has a gash in it and is colored crimson like the ground beneath him. There's also a nasty scar. He also finds some Atlas officers lying on the ground and an airship nearby. This is not the afterlife. Weapon. I need a weapon! If he was still alive, that meant he could die again, and the downed officers were not a good sign. In the snow, he found the bloody Harbinger. He scanned the area and found no threat. He proceeded cautiously to the aircraft, on edge for any threats. He searched it and found nothing odd, aside from a damaged windshield. Robyn. He moved quickly to search he downed airship for her, but as he turned around, he was met with an arrow to the forehead.

"What happened here?!” she said as the man toppled back, dropping Harbinger. As he toppled back, he hit one of the seats, causing some of the items in the storage above him to fall onto him.

“Tell me NOW, or I’ll make this one break your aura.” she threatened as she loaded an explosive arrow.

“I-I don’t know,” he said as he was shaking his head, “I thought I was dead! Qrow, Tyrian, and I were in a fight after we crashed, then Qrow broke my Aura, a-and then Tyrian killed me with Harbinger! I don't know what’s happening either!” Please believe me, please believe me.

“That's a load of crap. You died, but know you're alive? I don't need my semblance to know that's a lie.” Clover closed his eyes prepared himself for his aura to break, but heard a click and felt nothing. Another click, and another, and a few more in rapid succession. Nothing. He opened his eyes to find Robyn frustrated with her weapon.

“Why aren't you working?!” she demanded. With a strong hit to its side, the arrow flew, narrowly missing Clover. He could feel it whizzing past his cheek and hear its sharp sound as it passed his ear. Lucky me.

“Robyn please! Listen to me.” he extended his hand out to her. She took it, her grip like a vice.

“What happened here?”

“It was just as I said earlier. Me, Qrow, and Tyrian were all fighting each other. Qrow broke by aura, Tyrian stabbed me with Harbinger, and I died. And for some reason, I’m alive now. I don't know where Qrow is, and Tyrian has escaped.” Their arms glowed in approval.

“How? How did you come back from the dead?”

“I don't know. I-” My hand… it has a ring? This… is one of Qrow’s rings, and on my ring finger no less.

“When’d you get married?” she asked. He noticed he was now holding his hand to his face, right in front of Robyn.

“I never was. This is one of Qrow’s rings.”

“I'm guessing he’s alive then, and that he has your weapon, and your four leafed clover pin, cause I don't see them around.”

“My weapon?” My weapon? I'm a huntsman. Huntsmen have weapons, but I don't?

“Yes, Kingfisher.” He gave her an inquisitive look. “Your fishing rod!” she shouted.

“It… doesn’t ring any bells.” I had a fishing rod for a weapon? I do like fishing, but that sounds impractical.

“Ugh. Whatever. You probably hit your head. You'll remember soon enough. Now help me get these guys onto here.”

“Affirmative.” As Clover loaded the last person, he tripped at the entrance of the ship, throwing the officer into the air and landing face first onto its cold metal floor. Luckily, Robin was able to catch the unconscious, airborne officer.

“Since when do you trip? With your luck, you never trip.”

“That is odd. Ever since my semblance manifested, I've never tripped, to the best of my knowledge.”

“We can look into it more later. We've wasted enough time as is. We have to go save Mantle.”

“Bu-” An explosive arrow was launched to meet him square in his face. She didn’t even turn around to aim. Despite this, his aura didn’t break. He flew back in pain, but was able to cushion the blow by landing on one of the seated officers. Ow.. I would hate to be this unlucky guy when he wakes up.

“Say ‘Ironwood has ordered us to Atlas’ or whatever, I’LL KICK YOU OFF THIS SHIP AND LEAVE YOU STRANDED! And if you're stuck out there alone, THEN GOOD LUCK!”

Good luck… good luck. He was taken aback a bit. He remembers that those were his last words to qrow. He also remembers how Qrow cried for him. And that scream…

“Why are you crying? I know you're not that soft.” She had no sympathy for him. He didn't blame her. He looked out the window to see Mantle in Chaos. And Atlas safe in the sky. He wiped his tears and got up.

“I'm with you. All of you.” He extended his hand to her.

“Why the sudden change of heart?”

“Qrow and his kids, they're right. And I want to do this for Qrow. He wanted me to do this. To think for myself, and do what is right. When I died, I could also remember him crying for me. No one’s ever cried for me. I can almost feel his pain. I don't want to make him feel anything like that when I find him again. I want him to be proud of me.” Their arms glow approvingly.

“Maybe you have gone soft, but I think its for the better.”

“Thanks.” He looked at the ring on his hand. What did happen to you? To us?

“But don't be dumb this time around. If you can choose between fighting the homicidal murderer or your boyfriend, choose the homicidal murderer please.”

“B-boyfriend?” He feels the blush across his face, though is lucky Robyn is too busy getting the ship off the ground to notice. For all the flirting he does, he can't say he’s had one. Boyfriend does sound nice. Especially when it’s Qrow. Hmph. Wouldn't it be funny if this ring meant that were married. He could not help but admire the band. Qrow’s favorite one , if he was remembering correctly. Where are you?Wherever you are, know that I love you. Good luck.

“Enough daydreaming lover-boy.” she said with a smile on her face. She was happy to see her old friend on the side she was on. The side of the people. “We have a country to save.”

Clover looked out the window at the sky. In his reflection, he noticed that one of his eyes was red. Qrow’s red. Quietly, he said “Good luck to us.”

[ailawritesanddraws]

[Plasmashipping Fic]

"Maybe there's A Chance"

On the deck of the bounty, a certain brunette was training away with the equipment on board. kai has been up here since early morning, fighting the metal dummies that opposed as his threat.

His hand moved in a circular motion, the katana in his grasp following his movement. He swung his hand forward, sending a blow on the dummy, creating a long diagonal mark on it.

Stepping back, he turned his upper body around and aimed his weapon on the dummy behind him. The head of the dummy made of hay flew across the deck and landed right beside the pole. 

His head whipped towards the sudden shuffle he heard, aiming his katana at the intruder.

Jay held his hands up, his body leaning backwards to avoid the blade pointed at his neck. "Woah there, Kai!" He spoke in a shaky voice, "I-I uh didn't m-mean to startle you! Haha!"

Kai took a moment to process what just happened. He glanced at the smaller male skeptically, only then noticing the ginger's strange mannerisms. Jay had chapped, dry lips as if he peeled it off himself, beads of sweat forming on his forehead as well as that awkwardly stupid smile plastered on his face, and...

The sleeveless shirt he's wearing.. it's Kai's.

"Why are you wearing my shirt?!" The hothead exclaimed, weapon lowering and face burning red. Probably a shade of red that's darker than his ninja gi. He watched as Jay's face flushed in embarrassment as the guy glanced down at the cloth he's wearing.

"S-so-sorry! It's l-laundry day and a-all my clothes are i-in the dryer still!" He said in a hurry. "I s-saw this o-on the couch and I had nothing to wear s-so---!"

His rambling was cut short when a snort came to earshot, followed by a wholehearted laugh from Kai. He glanced up at him, eyes glued to the taller male in astonishment and awe. It's rare to see Kai laughing like this. He swore he could see aesthetic lights and fluffy clouds around the red ninja.

Shaking his head, he refused to believe his stupid little crush, or as he calls it. He thought that the reason he had the weird urge to get close to Kai was to get to Nya. It was really the only logical reason, seeing that he and Kai didn't really have much to talk about apart from missions they were sent together.

The longer he spent with the hothead, the closer he came to realization. It wasn't Nya he had a thing for.

It was Kai that he liked.

It became harder and harder to interact. The thought of confessing crossed Jay's mind but he knew he would never attempt it, ever. He always thought that Kai was probably homophobic and that if he said anything about how he feels towards the hothead, he was sure he'd be hated.

So he kept his feelings hidden.

"This is why you do laundry every week," Kai mocked, a hand on his hip. He gave out a smirk, propping the katana over his shoulder, the blade facing upwards.

Jay rolled his eyes at him, "Yeah, yeah, I know," he huffed, hands shoved in his shorts. His eyes darted to the floorboards of the bounty, a sigh escaping his throat. "Something wrong, bud?" He shook his head at Kai's concern, eyes staring off into the distance.

"Nothing..I just have this thought in my mind." He said softly, "I just can't get rid of it."

"Yeah? What's that?"

He shook his hand, waving his hand dismissively at the brunette, "I told you, it's nothing."

Kai approached the weapon's rack, "Well, if you're not gonna tell me," He started, reaching out to grab a pair of nunchucks from the shelf. He swung it with one hand, throwing it across to Jay, who caught it in his hands. "Why don't we spar? If I win, you gotta tell me. If you win, I'll shut up about it."

Jay thought for a moment.

This proposal is a chance for him to confess but it's also a ridiculously huge risk. Knowing Kai, even if he did win, he probably won't stop pestering him about it in some other way he can.

Having made a decision, he took a deep breath and stood up, "You're on. 'Course, you won't stand a chance against the master of lightning!" 

"Oh we'll see about that!" Kai launched at him, katana held high, preparing to slice. He swiftly dodged Jay's nunchucks, moving to the side. His opponent reached out for the low pole, grabbing it before swinging to his opposite side, a good feet away. "I know you well enough, Kai." Jay smirked, hands gripping tightly onto his weapon of choice.

"Let's see how you like electricity!" He maneuvered to his left, dodging a slice from Kai. He used his element to send an electric shock throughout Kai's body, sending him a few feet away.

Kai panted, his body slightly bent over as he had a hand over his stomach. "You've gotten good at close combat." He huffed, trying to stabilize his breathing, "Didn't think you'd actually land a blow."

"I learn from the best!" Jay grinned, giving Kai a thumbs up. He's sparred with the hothead countless times before this one. It's become some sort of tradition for the both of them, sparing whenever the others are out on individual missions and they would be left alone in the bounty with nothing else to do.

Although Jay's way of spending his time was just playing videogames, he also enjoys watching Kai train from the shadows. Yeah it's a bit creepy, he admits, but hey, with that ripped body, and well, being Kai, who wouldn't want to watch him train those muscles?

"But you're easily distracted,"

Jay gulped, head held high as Kai's blade barely touched his neck. He chuckled awkwardly, "It's not my fault!" He avoided eye contact as the taller male chuckled at his antics. "Seriously, you gotta work on that. If this was real combat, you'd be dead meat by now." He shook his head, though a smile stood prominent on his lips.

".. it's not my fault you're so dreamy," Jay muttered underneath his breath, cheeks slightly puffed. He let out a sigh of frustration the moment the katana's blade was removed.

Eyes staring up at Kai's smug expression, he sighed, "Fine."

With another gulp, he placed a hand on the nape of his neck and the other in his pocket. "It's about relationships."

"Is it about Nya?" Kai questioned, an eyebrow raised at the ginger as he waited for his response patiently.

"No..not this time anyway." Jay said, "It's about those guy to guy relationships. I've been.. thinking lately. Girls just hasn't worked out for me. Heck, you can see it with Nya already. I just.. thought.. maybe--"

"Having a romantic relationship with a guy would work better?"

"..yeah?" He said, though it sounded more of a question. He avoided making eye contact with the other male, embarrassed and afraid of what he might say next. 

Though Kai's next set of words surprised him, "If you were going to come out of the closet, you should've told me earlier." Kai said with a soft smile, "I'm not one to shame people for liking the same gender. I'm bisexual myself, so I know what you're going through. The only thing that's different between us is that most guys would find you cute, but hey, that's an advantage, I guess?"

The ginger blinked a couple of times, processing what Kai had just said to him.

When he regained his grip on reality, he furrowed his eyebrows, "Did you just imply that I'm cute?"

Kai shrugged, "Maybe."

With a light laugh, he propped his weapon on the desk alongside the pair nunchucks Jay used during their spar, "Anyway, it's getting late. I'll see you back inside, cutie," He pecked Jay's cheek before heading back inside, leaving the ginger in a flustered state, "Shoot he just got really hot all of a sudden,"

~~~~~~~~

I take requests!

[erideights]

Through history to get to you. (2)

Summary: Reader's an angel casted out of heaven because, well, she's weird. She's in love with Crowley and, of course Crowley is in love with her. Our poor Aziraphale is just fucking tired of seeing how neither of them realize the feelings of the other.

Part one: here

Pairing: Crowley x Angel!Reader (Good Omens)

Word Count: 3219

Warnings: None, I think.

A/N: Okay so I actually have to wipe out some details because tumblr said it was too long to post it. Bitch, wtf? I've seen fics with 8K but yeah, you do you. For the record, I could (and I would love to) write a 3rd part if you guys like this so, let's go!

What for any human being were seconds, for him seemed like hours.

The hours days, and the days weeks.

How could such a vain human feeling as that one destroy his world piece by piece and rebuild it upside down?

His heart was beating so hard inside his chest he truthfully believed it would come out of it at any moment.

But yeah, often, —from time to time—, Crowley also remembered past times, crucial moments in his life.

Crucial moments with her.

How each interaction by her side throughout history had achieved the impossible: to fall in love with her a bit more, a bit deeper, every-single-fucking-day.

41 AD, we find ourselves again in the large and great Rome, its taverns still full and its people enjoying the wealth of their lives, but this time, the perspective of the universe will turn 180 degrees and will present us his point of view.

Just nipped in for a quick temptation, he thought, a simple job, going in and out, enjoying the best concoction he could buy and leaving as he had come; without friends, without insubstantial talks of any kind with drinking companions or beautiful ladies to enjoy a night of pleasure.

He would leave the same way he came there; alone.

Having clear his priorities and how events would develop, he should add that the presence of Aziraphale didn’t surprise him. Not at all. They had the strange tendency to meet once every certain number of years and exchange a couple words, like two old friends who meet in the darkness of the night to become a distant memory when the sun rises.

However, he saw her.

A young woman with long hair, smooth and immaculate skin and so bright, Crowley could confuse her with one of the many stars that he, before falling into darkness and the shelter from Hell, helped to build.

Not only did she stand out for her colorful choice of attire, which he no doubt saw reflected in him, but for her presence; It gave the impression that she could change the world if she wanted with a single smile of hers.

But Crowley didn’t see her smile, not yet.

She nipped her bottom lip nervously, eyes fixed on Aziraphale’s, who after inviting the demon to eat, had excused himself for a second without giving reasons. Without saying why.

She was the why, or so Crowley guessed, taking a long sip of the drink in his hand to hide a small, amused grin behind his pottery; what could it be that would hysterise so much the nerves of that beautiful woman?

He was dying to know it, and long before he had even known her name, he was already thinking of her with more interest than, perhaps, he should.

1538, oh, the beautiful Venice during the heyday of the Renaissance in Italy, what a joyful time for artists, aristocrats, noble European families with their ornate clothes and eccentric homes.

Its intricate canals were full of life, of gondolas with lanterns as companions and lovers enjoying the calm offered by the night while the musician, unknown to his people but key to the romantic atmosphere that reigned there, dedicated his poems and songs to the most beautiful of the ladies, the one who lived in his memory, who stole his heart and prevented his rest when trying to sleep.

Oh, Venice, cruel your final sentence, the destruction that awaited you behind the darkest corner, because a demon without bad intentions but with a job to fulfill walked for your cobbled streets and through your low buildings, the smell of salt flooding his nostrils and filling his lungs until exhale a deep sigh that would be lost in the night air.

He couldn’t help but think that scenario would have been to the liking of his friend, the book-loving angel, because if he wasn’t misinformed, the magnificent city housed the first public library in all Europe. He could already hear Aziraphale eager about all the books he could read during his stay, or see reflected in his eyes the affection that the celestial being professed towards all the knowledge of the universe stored in those leather covers full of sheets of paper.

He’d thought of her, too. Crowley always thought about Y/N when visiting a new city, how he would enjoy walking hand in hand with her when discovering the hidden beauty in its streets or hearing her melodious voice, probably excited to discover a new artist to idolize; she loved art.

The problem was that each and every time he was thinking about her in that way, he felt disgusted with himself. He hated it. He hated that warm feeling that spread from his heart to every one of his nerves when he thought of her, when he met her soft gaze or, when by chance, he felt the brush of her fingers on his skin.

He hated love.

He was a demon, for fuck’s sake! He shouldn’t be able to feel love. He shouldn’t want to feel love. He shouldn’t even think about love.

But there he was, making a fool of himself whenever he could be with her.

He hated it, but at the same time, He needed it. He needed her.

Melody of soft, sweet violins then slid through the air and between the voices of those who walked down the avenue to reach the demon, who with slow but sure steps was heading towards his destination, ready to start the mission assigned to him and be able to move quickly to another place. Or enjoy the experiences Venice could give him, whatever first seemed to crave his exquisite persona.

A huge mansion stood out among all the houses at the end of the road, its eccentric facade screaming loudly that it belonged to Italian nobility that little wanted to leave to the imagination of others; showing off was a luxury that not everyone could enjoy. And so, its tall and ornate doors, wide open so that everyone could look inside, let the light escape from it to illuminate the street, successfully attracting the gazes of children, families, onlookers and other spectators who, by chance, passed by.

Two vast guards, whose clothes gave the impression of imitating the fates of The Death, made sure that no one who didn’t have an invitation could go inside.

Crowley, for example, was one of those people not invited to the party, but bold of anyone to assume something like that could stop him, because with a small, subtle and smug smirk adorning his lips and a snap of his fingers, both guards nodded at once and stepped aside, imitating for him a small corridor to get to the inside.

But that smile? Vanished from the moment he put a single foot in that place, feeling his whole body assaulted by a violent shiver that ran from head to toe and held his breath for more seconds than he would have wished.

He knew by heart that feeling, and from the moment he felt it ruffling his skin, he knew he was fucked up and that, most likely, he wouldn’t accomplish his mission. It couldn’t be that easy, right?

A deep and heavy sigh, followed by a shake of his head, accompanied him to the true interior of the luxurious home, crowded to the unthinkable by hundreds of people of high social status in the Italian community, their faces hidden behind masks of thousands of colors and different forms, their bodies, at the same time, wrapped in clothes, jackets and dresses of an exquisite quality that of course, matched the theme of each of their costumes.

A venetian masquerade wasn’t exactly the best scenario to search and identify someone from among all of its guests, but soon his slitted eyes scanned the huge room with hysteria running his veins and an iron pressure tightening his mischievous heart.

The positive side of all that? His mask —black, with golden and red details; what an unexpected surprise— fitted perfectly to a large part of his face, making unnecessary the use of sunglasses so that his peculiar eyes didn’t draw attention to him and, therefore, helping being able to see perfectly normal in the dim light of the hundreds of candles that illuminated the ballroom.

Couples dancing to the tune of the tender melody were gathered in the center of this one, the rest occupied by groups that chatted lively, young men waiting their turn to dance with the lady of their dreams and some more… unfortunate, who only dreamed from their corner with a glass of champagne between his fingers and his sad expression hidden behind a venetian mask.

Some collide against him, too absorbed in his search to bother to dodge people or find a safer route to move, but would he apologize? Never. Not only because Crowley hadn’t apologized in his entire life, but because he didn’t see it necessary to do so. After all, the reason for his hasty movements was far more important than anything that those idiots could ever imagine.

However, when he saw her, everything stopped.

Even his heart.

She had her back to him, her beautiful silky hair pulled back in a high bun that left a pair of curls falling down her shoulders, one on each side, towards her chest.

She wore an apple-green dress with white and gold details here and there, the tight corset making it inevitable to notice right away her beautiful body and the huge skirt attached to it, giving her the look of a gorgeous european princess.

No, from his perspective he couldn’t get to see her whole face, —he barely reached part of it thanks to a couple movements of her head—, but he knew it was Y/N.

There was no doubt.

She laughed, chatting with those she supposed were acquaintances of the angel and the cause and reason why she was there, that among all the times, among the hundreds of masked dances that Venice was witnessing, she was there, the same day, in the same place as him.

Oh, destiny was some capricious bitch and he ended up being a mere puppet that would dance to its tune.

Clearing his throat by positioning himself just behind her —so close that he would only have to put his hands on her waist and turn her around to finally kiss her— he successfully attracted the attention of those around them, who gave away strange glances at the demon; some confused, others suspicious, others distrustful.

The one Y/N gave him when she turned around and their eyes met for the first time in some years was the only one that really mattered.

Her hypnotic eyes, behind that mask that so gracefully embraced her sweet features from the middle of her forehead to below her eyes, opened wide recognizing the gold ones of Crowley, who without thinking twice, took the left hand of the girl, lifted it to his lips and left a kiss right on its back.

"May I have this dance?" He asked, more like a mockery for those presumptuous around him than as a formal request to the angel in front of him. It was easy to appreciate how his eyebrows were raised upwards in the slightest in a subtle grin and how that small and mischievous smirk that she loved so much was partially hidden only by the back of her hand that he still held against himself, and before she could prevent it, that same expression was drawn in her own features, hopelessly excited to find him in that kind of situation.

‘’I’ll be damned.’’ she answered in an incredulous, playful whisper, the demon the only being that could get to clearly hear her and, therefore, tearing a low and attractive chuckle from his throat as a result. She thought she was gonna melt in that very moment.

Saying that, Crowley rose from his bow and, pulling her hand, he led the girl —who didn’t have time to say goodbye to her company— to the center of the room, avoiding the rest of the guests as much as possible and when they arrived, the demon separated the angel from him, throwing her gently in the opposite direction to attract her to his body just a second later in graceful and elegant move thanks to the grip he had in her hand, making the chest of Y/N softly collide with his own.

In the blink of an eye, Crowley's free hand was at her waist and hers, on his shoulder, an amused expression adorning her face. ''I thought demons didn’t know how to dance.'' She teased, raising an eyebrow, her eyes fixed on his at absolutely every moment.

''I thought angels didn’t dance at all.'' he remarked in a flash, as arrogant as always, rocking the girl to the sound of the music that echoed between the walls of the room.

‘’Touché.’’

Not that much passed in silence between them until Crowley raised his voice again, trying to relieve the tension that was gradually forming inside his chest because, of course, she didn’t feel the same. Or so he thought.

Also, not looking at her lips having her so close to him and without his sunglasses that could conceal such act became more difficult each passing second. ''Are you going to tell me what are you doing here or will I have to take a guess myself?'’

''The question is not what I’m doing here,'' she said firmly, twirling in the demon's arms as the rest of the ladies swiveled in the ones of their partners as if that were a choreography with hundreds of dancers in perfect synchrony, only that in her case, when she resumed her position, her voice became just an audible whisper that went straight to the ear of the ginger, the soft velvet of his ornate jacket caressing the palm of her hand when gently pulling it towards herself to bring him closer to her. ''but what are you up to, Crowley. Nothing good, I assume.''

The hit of her breath against his skin and the seductive tone the woman used made every hair on his body stand up and his breath trapped at the beginning of his throat, unable to fight her words with some intelligent and sarcastic comment for his part.

He could only watch, in silence, as Y/N parted a couple inches to be face to face with him again, a smirk on her lips as she knew, she’d won that round.

‘’Touché.’’

Nowadays. Again. Almost 500 years later.

''Crowley?'' Her voice echoed through the walls of the luxurious flat while the front door —its white glass showing a dim light inside— opened wide, braking just before reaching the back wall. ''I just saw your message, is everything okay?''

Not too many minutes ago she’d received a "strange" message from the demon asking her to go to his apartment as soon as possible, making the angel inevitably frown, worried, and teleport there with a simple snap of her fingers.

The strange thing definitely wasn’t him sending her a message, but everything else. It was 2 o'clock in the morning on a Tuesday night, there hadn’t been any serious event that required her attention —or so she thought— and in general, it was Crowley who always, no matter what time, was looking for an excuse to drive his beloved car through the streets of London to the destination he wanted.

That it was she who should move this time was... odd.

The only source of light in the room was a small lamp placed on the huge red marble table that occupied the center of it, which barely came to illuminate enough to know if she was or not alone there.

She didn’t have to raise her voice again, anyway, because the ornate throne next to the table slid back carefully and the demon could be perfectly made out from the rest of the shadows in the room.

‘’I’m sorry.’’ It was the first and only thing Crowley said once he turned around and fixed his gaze —which seemed to shine with its own light— on Y/N, who astonished, raised an eyebrow and pursed her lips in a thin and incredulous expression; it was the first time in her life that she’d listened him ask for forgiveness, no matter what or whom.

''What are you sorry for, hm? What have you done now?'' She asked in her usual playful tone, waiting for the most elaborate and mind blowing response ever from the redhead.

But it never came.

He moved quickly to erase the distance between them and without stopping to reconsider his next step, —although she could swear, she saw a glimpse of doubt and fear in his eyes—, Crowley took her face with both hands to caress her cheeks and kissed her right away, giving her all he got.

No, it wasn’t tender, romantic or typical for the first kiss you give to your first love. It was hungry, animal, passionate, needy and desperate, as if he’d waited his entire life to be able to taste her lips and lose himself in them while his heart hammered his chest and deafened his ears.

In fact, that was exactly what happened.

And he didn’t expect Y/N to kiss him back in that very moment, because an act as impulsive as that should have shocked her to say the least, but she did, and before they could really think about what was happening, the demon had his angel cornered against the wall, her hands lost in his reddish hair and his, squeezing and pressing her hips against his own body with such force he suspected, could leave bruises on her skin.

But she didn’t mind.

His kisses were all she ever dreamed of and more, a slight taste of whiskey and coffee lingering in his mouth while doing everything possible to steal her breath and make her addicted to him; she was intoxicated, she couldn’t think of anything else.

She didn’t have time to be shocked or to ask herself the most obvious question: why now.

And that's why, when he parted just enough to lean his forehead against hers and breathe on her lips, a heavy sigh left her without any oxygen in her lungs, displaying her annoyance at the lack of his wet touch.

''Am I going too fast for you?'' He asked, the same fear she saw in his eyes minutes ago now in his voice; it was, again, the first time in his life that he looked so worried about messing something up.

His slitted, golden, demon eyes scanned her face for any sign that would make him stop, so close that the image faded irretrievably, and when in his place he found the same craving he felt in his veins, he dampened his parted lips, knowing there was no going back.

‘’If anything, you’re being too slow.’’

[chibimyumi]

Hi chibi, may I ask you a question about Ch151? I saw many theories conclude that Francis and Undertaker knew each other since Claudia's time. I wonder in japanese version if these two already say something canonically about it? I mean Undertaker may has been around Francis earlier, but Francis did she meet Undertaker at Vincent's time or when Claudia was still alive? Since many fans said that Francis knew Undertaker as her father, this made me so confused. Thank you!

Dear anon,

There is no explicit information whatsoever in the original manga, but there is some indication judging from the language Frances uses to the Undertaker.

Frances’ use of language in Japanese

In chapter 151 when Frances addresses the Undertaker, she says the following:

“葬儀屋、お前はお兄様がご存命の頃から変わらないな”

“Undertaker, omae wa oniisama ga gozonmei no koro kara kawaranai na”

“Undertaker, you haven’t changed since the time when my (honourable) brother was alive.”

The most noteworthy elements in her language are indicated in bold, and I shall expand on why these are important underneath. (It will be lengthy, but please bear with me.)

‘Oniisama’ and ‘Gozonmei’

Frances is a noble lady, and in the manga she uses formal language to people she considers her peer or above. Despite her clear dislike for her brother, she never fails to address him properly as ‘oniisama’, or ‘honourable brother’, even when she is yelling at him, or after his death.

“大体お兄様は昔からそうやって…”

“Daitai oniisama wa mukashi kara souyatte…”

“(Honourable) brother, you have always been like this from the past…”

The ‘o’ and the ‘sama’ in ‘oniisama’ are honorifics in Japanese death trap, uh I mean polite language, ‘keigo’. Siblings normally don’t go beyond the expected politeness level of ‘oniichan/oneechan or niisan/neesan’.  Frances however, uses both of the highest honorifics ‘o’ and ‘sama’.

I do not think Frances uses this formality for Vincent because she really looks up to him. Rather, I think Frances uses this formal language because she is a respectable lady, and not using formal language when referring to her older brother would be considered ‘unrefined’ and be held against her. In the same way, the ‘go’ in ‘gozonmei’ (ご存命・alive) is also a hyper formality, and a marker of her grace as a lady.

In Japanese, language is an exceptionally telling method with which speakers express their identity. Among other things, a speaker’s formality or informality is considered a strong language marker with which they can present themselves. The infinitely varied language quirks and markers don’t all have a perfect equivalent in English, and therefore translation is very tricky. As such, a one-on-one translation from ‘oniisama’ to ‘honourable brother’ every time is just very unnatural, hence it is omitted in English.

“葬儀屋、お前はお兄様がご存命の頃から変わらないな”

“Undertaker, omae wa oniisama ga gozonmei no koro kara kawaranai na”

“Undertaker, you haven’t changed since the time when my (honourable) brother was alive.”

In contrast to Frances’ hyper formality when speaking about her ‘honourable brother’, she uses informal language when talking about and to the Undertaker.

‘Omae’ (you (rude)), ‘Kawaranai na’ (haven’t changed) is informal speech. (Formal speech would have been ‘貴方’(anata) and ‘変わりませんね’ (Kawarimasen ne・have not changed).)

To me, this is an indication that Frances sees the Undertaker as below her rank. Frances using formal language for Vincent, while informal for Undertaker in the same sentence, is her implicitly differentiating the social hierarchy between Vincent and Undertaker. Consequently, I would say that Frances probably does NOT think that Undertaker is related to Claudia Phantomhive, because if she did believe so, Frances would most probably not have used this type of informal language.

Undertaker’s Language

Undertaker replies to Frances as follows:

“そうかい？小生にとってみれば君も生まれた頃がさっきのようだよ”

“Sou kai? Shousei ni totte mireba kimi mo umareta koro ga sakki no you da yo”

“Is that so? To me as well, it is as though you were born not very long ago.”

This line in Japanese is fairly standard and straighforward, and does not contain a lot linguistic hints. Undertaker merely seems to state that Frances did not change much either in his very, very old eyes. Rather than him dropping hints that he had met Frances at birth, I think it is more likely that he is playing it safe and not give Alexis Midford more reason to suspect the supernatural is involved. For more about R!Ciel hiding the involvement of the supernatural, click here.

There is no explicit information, but it is not impossible that Undertaker already met Frances during Claudia’s time when Frances was VERY young. But there is no information on whether Frances is actively aware of Undertaker’s presence during Claudia’s time. Frances’ and Undertaker’s interaction so far only indicates that there is no deep bond between them.

No indication of ulterior meaning

Japanese manga has a universal way to indicate when a spoken line contains an ulterior meaning.

In Sebas’ text he says: “… Yes, I shall serve the young master well as his butler,” after Tanaka refers to O!Ciel by this title for the first time. The dots next to the word “bocchan/young master” mean to indicate that the word pronounced by Sebas contains an ulterior meaning. Now in retrospect we know “Ciel” is in fact not O!Ciel’s name, and that therefore Sebas is using the title to refer to his master to dodge his real name because he cannot lie.

In Undertaker’s text, he says: “Both ‘body’ and ‘memory’ hosted by the brain remain in this world.” These dots again tells the reader the speaker refers to not just any world, but specifically the human world (as opposed to the Reaper’s world.)

These dots however, do NOT appear in Undertaker’s speech bubble in chapter 151.

Theory within the Japanese fandom

As I mentioned in another post, language shapes thought. As such, different theories may have emerged in the Japanese fandom. In the Japanese fandom, most people do not believe Undertaker is Frances’ and Vincent’s father, or Cedric K Ros.

Some arguments against Undertaker being the father as discussed in the Japanese fandom:

During the Boarding School Arc, Undertaker remained as fixated on O!Ciel as always, whereas he didn’t even bother batting an eye at Edward. Most of the Japanese fandom believe that Undertaker is only interested in the direct line of the Phantomhive family. Undertaker deliberately addressed Frances as ‘Lady Frances Phantomhive’, and this is considered a hint that his interest probably ends with her as a side-branch, and that this interest does not extend to her children. If Undertaker were Frances’ father, then this striking favouritism towards Vincent’s line would require some other explanation which is not in the manga canon (yet). As Yana has confirmed that Vincent and Frances are born of the same parents, this favouritism cannot be explained with “only Vincent is Undertaker’s child.”

Undertaker is a person who does not hide his emotions towards the Phantomhive tragedy very well. If just thinking about Vincent is enough to make him cry, then meeting Frances after such a long time would probably have stirred some emotions. This reunion would not necessarily be enough to make him cry, but the interaction with Frances would probably not have been as cheerful and aloof as in chapter 151.

During the Luxury Liner Arc too, Undertaker did not seem to care about the Midford family at all, despite clearly having had a lot of chance to reach out to them. Judging by Undertaker’s dodging skills as attested in the Boarding School Arc, he could easily have avoided O!Ciel and Sebastian during the first demonstration of the Aurora Society if he wanted to, but instead he chose to engage O!Ciel - ‘a main Phantomhive’. Yet again, we see a clear contrast between Undertaker’s interest in O!Ciel and the lack hereof for the Midfords.

Side-argument. Undertaker CAN’T be Cedric K. Ros: Undertaker is confirmed to have been a reaper for at least 70 years. 1889 - 70 = 1819. Claudia Phantomhive was born in 1830, which means that by the time she was born, Undertaker was already a reaper. In the family tree, Cedric K Ros was officially registered as her legal spouse. Had Claudia been a commoner, than marrying some random person that does not exist in the civilian personnel archive might have been possible. But considering how she was the Countess of Phantomhive, it would have been very troublesome to marry a man who does not officially exist.

Arguments supporting Undertaker being the father in the Japanese fandom come in far lesser quantities, but a few popular ones are as follows:

Frances’ platinum blond-grey-ish hair resembling Undertaker’s silver hair.

Elisabeth and Edward both having green eyes. But as all reapers get green eyes the moment they become one, this theory does not hold water.

The lack of information about Undertaker and Cedric K Ros allowing for intersection between them. So far - whatever little canon information there is about Undertaker and Cedric respectively do not exclude each other.

Undertaker’s obsession with Claudia clearly being the strongest, and leaves enough room for people to ship them romantically, and therefore having produced children. Most fans who do believe Undertaker and Claudia were romantically involved however, tend to believe Undertaker was the lover of Claudia, and not her spouse.

In short, so far in the Japanese fandom, there are more arguments against Undertaker being Vincent and Frances’ father than for.

[seraphiixa]

Fear induced headcanons. @spiral-chronicler asked:  ┖❝ˢᵖᶦʳᵃˡ ᵗʳᵃⁿˢᵐᶦˢˢᶦᵒⁿ❞┚ ★★—fear-themed headcanon questions: Closet Monsters, Death, Boogeyman, & Falling!

Closet Monsters: Does your muse hide any aspects of their personality/life from others?

      Lyra is a professional at keeping her personal life PRIVATE. She believes in firm boundaries between work and her personal life, and therefore she doesn’t share information about her family, her history, or her relationships with other Marines --- and furthermore, she finds it unprofessional when they prompt her for this information and will always lecture them on disciplined interpersonal relationships in the workplace when this occurs. When it comes to civilians, she can understand their undisciplined curiosity, but she deflects, dodges, and outright neglects to answer questions. Personal information about Lyra is absolutely no one’s business but Lyra’s.

Death: Name one thing your muse has lost that they wish they could get back.

     Lyra has a great amount of anxiety circling around her relationship with her daughter. At times, she would like to go back and be there for Epone throughout her childhood, but she knows it is simply not feasible. She would like that time back and receive a second chance to be a half-way decent mother, but it is impossible.

Boogeyman: What position does your muse sleep in?

      Lyra sleeps neatly on her back, one leg crossed over the other, with one arm behind her head. It is a behavior leftover from her younger and more carefree days, sleeping when she could onboard battleships as a junior Marine when peace and quiet was an exceedingly rare commodity. By morning she wakes up on her side, having tossed over in the night.

Falling: What does your muse think about falling in love or commitment?

     Lyra, for all her austere professionalism, has a stifled romantic heart. She thinks it would be nice to fall in love one day and to know what love is, but she believes that such a thing cannot come to pass for her. She is never in one place long enough and every person she interacts with is either an enemy or a Marine, neither of which are suitable partners. She is also fearful of commitment because she has failed at all near-relationships she has had in the past and does not want to waste anyone’s time --- because inevitably, she will fail again. Some people just aren’t meant to find someone. She is comfortable being alone.