#*john mulaney voice* and then they DIDN’T

[livwritesstuff]

Absolutely obsessed with your steddie dad’s verse!!! Everything about it is just so good, thanks for sharing!

I love Moe, Robbie and Hazel, and I can’t get this idea out of my head that probably doesn’t fit the vision of this verse at ALL but hear me out. What if one day all the upside down stuff became public knowledge? Somehow documents get leaked, someone talks, idk. And it’s suddenly all over the news. Would be so interesting to see how Steve and Eddie would react to this and how they’d talk to their kids (who just found out about their parents saving the world from the news) about it 👀

So here’s the thing:

Realistically, I don’t think the story would ever get fully leaked, for two reasons (probably more, actually, but two primary reasons).

It makes the U.S. government look terrible, and they do a good enough job of that publically to afford any more hits to their rep so they keep that shit on lock

Nobody would believe it. Maybe there are whispers about the truth of what happened to Hawkins, Indiana in the 80s, but the second the words “monsters” and “superpowers” get thrown in there, nobody buys it. That’s why the cover stories work.

What I absolutely think would happen is ✨conspiracy theories✨

Like, come 2014 there’s a rising interest in true crime and conspiracy theories and some enthusiasts stumble upon the story. A few devoted folks pull a Murray and start building a timeline and they quickly realize that there are some pretty serious holes in the narrative. It kind of takes off from there.

Robbie is Eddie’s daughter through and through, so she’s totally into that kind of stuff. Steve and Eddie have always been relatively upfront about what happened to them in Hawkins (relatively, in that they have the “here’s what you’ll find if you google your dads” conversation with an extensive Q+A, but to avoid dumping trauma on their kids they stay light on the details), so she’s more intrigued than surprised when not only is she suggested a YouTube video about her dads’ hometown, but the video also mentions both of them by name.

Here’s the problem – like most conspiracy theories, it's true that some pretty damning evidence has been uncovered that the government probably didn’t want circulating. However the story is still missing key details in a way that makes the resounding conclusion this close to the truth, but not quite there.

Hence, this conversation Robbie has with her dads after she watches the video:

“So is it true that Uncle Will was abducted by aliens?”

Steve’s eyebrows fly up.

“Are people saying it’s aliens? It wasn’t aliens.”

“Was he though?”

“Uh…kind of. I guess.”

“Is it true the government put a fake body in the lake and pretended it was him and then when Will came back they had to pretend it was another kid?”

“Yep.”

“That’s fucked up. Is it true that Russia used a mall in Hawkins to build a secret lab?” Robbie asks.

“Yes.”

“Is it true they were doing research on the aliens and then one of them escaped and that’s why the mall got destroyed.”

“Not even close.”

“How did the mall get destroyed then?”

“Bunch of people got possessed by a shadow monster and he made them eat chemicals until they exploded and reformed as this giant mass thing that cornered us in the mall. We attacked it with fireworks. I wasn’t there for most of that, though. Just the end.”

“Whatever,” Robbie rolls her eyes, fully convinced that her dad is bullshitting her, “Is it true the Hawkins earthquakes were actually the aliens invading.”

“No – yes…kind of? Not earthquakes. Not aliens.”

“I mean…technically they kind of were aliens ,” Eddie jumps in, “Technically anything from a land foreign to yours is an alien.”

“They weren’t aliens,” Steve insists, “They were monsters. They were big and gray and their faces opened up and they had all these rows of teeth like sharks.”

“Sounds like an alien to me,” Robbie replies.

“Monsters.”

“Is it true Dad was attacked by them and he almost died and you saved him, Pop?”

“Yes, indeed,” Eddie says proudly before Steve can respond, “He’s quite the hero, don’t you think?”

“In space?”

“Nope. In an evil alternate dimension, and he dragged me all the way out through the portal and everything.”

Robbie rolls her eyes again, “Nevermind, you guys are useless. You’d think you weren’t even there.”

Steve sighs, “God, I wish that were true.”

In terms of how Steve and Eddie respond to the story gaining some attention from the general public, they do family viewings of the conspiracy videos made about the situation and make fun of the incorrect narratives. Their daughters fully do not grasp that their dads are telling the truth because, again, the truth does not seem real.

[eggtrolls]

just thought you should know that a friend and i devoted several minutes the other day to discussing how we find you to be impeccably funny and unspeakably hot because of all your plant and wikipedia posts.

eggtrolls fan club alive and thriving, cheering you and jelly bean and the baby trees on every day ✨🙏

🥺

that is very kind. here’s JellyB’s response to her new internet fame

[katieshook02]

we actually won a saturday afternoon hockey game??

[pinkfey]

idk anything abt the try guys or what that mf was like so this isn’t abt him specifically but were these alleged “wife guys” actually wife guys or did their fans turn a few sweet jokes into their flanderization 😶

[ronaldreghan]

no offence but if you weren’t on tumblr between 2012-2020 i already know your supernatural video essay is going to be surface level shit. “dean was more of a nerd than sam!” “the writing was so bad in the later seasons!” yeah yeah we all know that. are you going to talk about jensen ackles’s gay crisis or not.

[lloonlloon]

Aussies STOP squeezing through the window to go out on the roof I just wanted to let the warm air in not have multiple heart attacks when I see my dogs repeatedly peering down a 2-story drop I made it difficult to fit through on purpose because you weren’t supposed to be out there!!!!!!

[fingertipsmp3]

Why am I so proud of myself for doing something that is basically a failure on all levels

[cowgurrrl]

She’s A Gun

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader

Author’s note: *John Mulaney voice* My wife is a bitch and I love her SO much (gif by @salome-c) I also didn’t know how to end this so sorry

Summary: Somebody didn’t give the new guy a heads up about talking about Joel Miller’s family [1.6k]

Warnings: idiots in love, a quick mention of a queer slur, I can’t think of anything else!!

You catch him looking at you across the room as you sip some new whiskey Tommy traded for. He looks young and fresh-faced without many scars or littering the surface of his skin. His eyes are bright when they meet yours, and you give him a polite smile before returning to your drink. Unsurprisingly, he bellies up to the bar a few minutes later. You glance at the door, and the man follows your gaze. 

"You meeting someone?" He asks. The bartender, a kind man named Nick, flashes you a look, but you wave him off, turning to the younger man, who is dead set on making his presence known. 

"You must be new." You say, and he laughs as he holds out his hand. 

"You got me. I'm Luke," He says. You meet him halfway and shake his hand, giving him your name. "Where are you from?"

"I came here from Boston."

"You're a long way from home. What brought you here?" 

"Long story."

"Is it longer than the time it would take to get you another drink?" 

"I can get my own drink, but thank you."

"'Course," he says but doesn't move from his place next to you. "What do you do here in Jackson?" He asks, and you open your mouth to say something, but he cuts you off. "Let me guess. School teacher. No, a nurse."

"I work patrols, but good guess."

"Oh, I'm going to work patrols, too. I actually just signed up for my first shift tomorrow. Speaking of which, do you know anything about this guy… Miller, I think, is his name. I heard he's a hard ass."

"Joel or Tommy?"

"There's multiple?" He asks, and you smirk as you sip your drink.

"There's a few of 'em hanging around, yeah. What did they say? Maybe I can," you shrug and try to hide the amusement in your voice. "Help you figure it out."

"Well, this guy, Seth, said Miller shouldn't even be in Jackson. Something about him killing people to get by before coming here, but he gets to stay because he's buddies with Maria. Apparently, he's a hell of a shot, though. I heard a rumor that he once shot an Infected from a mile away, but I'll believe it when I see it." He says, and you nod. 

You remember that day well. Tommy had been bragging about his marksmanship, mostly telling big fish stories, and you finally got sick of it. Joel told you to leave it, but you had to see. When you went on patrol the next day, you and Tommy had a competition to see how far he could actually shoot. You passed the gun back and forth to see who could hit accurately and how far. You were the one holding the gun when the Infected bound his way up the hill and quickly went down as the bullet buried in his skull. You didn't think that story would've made the rounds, though. 

"What else did Seth say?" You ask, and he puffs his cheeks out as he shakes his head.

"He told me to stay away from him. Something about not fucking with people like that because he's ruthless, especially when it comes to his kid. He said Miller yelled at him last week because he said something to her. Just... totally lost his mind like a crazy person." It wasn't just something. He called my daughter a dyke, you think to yourself. Joel may have pushed him and made him leave, but you threatened to ruin his fucking life. If you ever hear him say something like that to Ellie again, you'll make Joel look like the poster child for forgiveness. You bite the inside of your cheek and save that information for later. 

Seth wasn't warning Luke about Joel. He was warning him about you.

"And you're sure he was talking about a man?"

"Pretty sure. I mean, I know people do lots of shitty things to stay alive, but I can't imagine a woman instilling that much fear in a man like Seth," He says, and you hum. "No offense."

"None taken." You smile and watch his guard come down just enough for him to feel comfortable reaching for your arm.

"I wish I had known they let women as beautiful as you out on patrol. I would've signed up with you instead of Miller." He says, and you almost gag. Joel's hand skims your lower back almost as if on cue, and you turn to face him. He kisses you a second too long before looking over your shoulder to face the stranger who looks embarrassed. His arm wraps protectively around your middle, and he's close enough that you can smell his shampoo over the bar’s stench of stale beer.

"Great timing. This is Luke. He's starting patrols tomorrow," You say. Joel reaches across the space to shake his hand, and Luke winces at his too-tight grip. "Luke, this is my husband, Joel Miller," you wish you had a camera to take a picture of the stunned look on his face when he hears the last name. "Joel, we were just talking about the last time I was on patrol with Tommy."

"You're Miller?" Luke asks, suddenly looking pale. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"Oh, I thought I mentioned it. I'm sorry, I'm probably losing my mind." You echo Seth's words and smack yourself on the forehead dramatically. Luke drains his drink before glancing around the room.

"It was great to meet you, man. Um, I'm gonna run to the bathroom really fast." He says and takes several steps away from the bar. 

"Oh, so soon? I was hoping you and Joel could talk about routes."

"Maybe later." He says, and with that, he's gone. You smile and turn in Joel's arms to face him.

"Jesus, I thought he was going to have a heart attack. What did you say to him?" 

"Seth was warning him about the mercenary who's buddies with Maria and shot an Infected from a mile away, asked if I knew anything about the guy."

"Seth should learn to keep his fuckin' mouth shut." He grumbles, and you nod.

"It didn't help his case that he tried flirting with me. Even asked if I was a school teacher." You say, and he gives you a look. His warm fingers reach under your shirt collar to pull out the chain with your wedding band on it.

"Maybe if you actually wore this, that wouldn't happen so often."

"C'mon, everybody knows I'm yours. It's not my fault no one gave him the run down," you say, and he tugs on the chain to kiss you, his big hands moving to hold your jaw. He swallows your gasp when he licks into your mouth, sending a zing of electricity down your spine. He's a touch too handsy for a public space, but you're not complaining. "I don't see you wearing yours out on patrol either." You say, pulling away before he can start something he can't finish, at least not in public. Still, his hand slips into your back pocket, squeezing your ass through the denim.

"Don't want to lose a finger. Besides, everybody knows I'm yours," he parrots, and you smile. A familiar, old country song plays over the speakers, and Joel lights up at the first few chords. "Will you dance with me?" He asks, pressing light kisses to your jaw to butter you up. You lock your arms around his shoulders and let yourself forget about everyone else in the bar. 

"And to think there was a time when you hated PDA."

"That was before someone tried hittin' on my wife," he says, and you feel like your face will get stuck from smiling so much. It's been three months since the small backyard wedding officiated by Tommy and Maria. Ellie walked you down the aisle— more of a patch of grass than anything else— and acted as your maid of honor. When Tommy asked if she agreed to give you to Joel, she said, "it's not like she's fucking property, but sure." She beamed so brightly when she realized you each included her in your vows, promising to love and protect her as much as you love and protect each other. It wasn't planned, but the unexpected matching further proved that you three are a family. Still, you don't know if you'll ever get used to hearing Joel call you his wife. "Dance with me, please." He pouts into your neck, and you finally give in, grabbing his hand and leading him to the dance floor. 

He pulls you close, and you bury your face in his neck as you slowly dance to Tanya Tucker's voice. He sings along for only you to hear, his accent getting stronger as he does. You could stay like this forever, wrapped up in him and listening to him sing the same song you used to sing along to while driving on backroads. You would marry him again if you could. You think you would marry him in every lifetime.

Scary rumors of mercenaries and blood on your hands fade from your mind. To men like Seth and Luke, you are a subversion of their holy mother. You are bloody and broken, a monster beyond saving. You are a warzone with a heartbeat.

But to Joel, you are the most sacred thing he's ever held. It's not enough to erase the rumors and nightmares about you, but it's enough to knock the wind out of you and make you love your husband that much more. That has to count for something. 

🍓

🍓

🍓

🍓

Tag list: @evyiione

[wangxianficfinder]

In the mood for...

Sep 20th

~*~

1. in a mood for wangxian and nielan as major pairings canon divergent fics ( not explicit and not modern aus) or arranged marriage ( with angst with a happy ending)

A Future Family In A Broken Past by Hauntcats (T, 121k, wangxian, WWX & Wen Remnants, Jiang Family & WWX, WQ/MM, JYL/NHS, LXC/NMJ, Not Jiāng Family Friendly, Not Cultivation World Friendly, WWX Needs a Hug, Family Dynamics, What is a good family?, Fear of emotions does not excuse abuse, Not Jiang Clan Friendly, Angst with a Happy Ending, Time Travel fix-it, Canon-Typical Violence, Canon Divergence, LXC needs a hug, Everyone Needs A Hug, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Not YZY Friendly) link in #8A

🔒 shades of grey spill from my veins (bleeding ink all over the page) by Reverie (cl410) (M, 58k, NMJ/LXC, wangxian, NHS/WN, POV NMJ, Canon Divergence, Joining the “Wei Wuxian raised by the Nie Sect” Club, Mentions of WWX’s life on the streets, Hurt/Comfort, Accidental Sibling Acquisition, Single Dad NMJ, NHS & WWX Friendship, Fluff, Humor, Happy Ending, Everyone Lives AU, Protective NMJ, Sunshot Campaign, Some angst, Blood and Injury, Kidnapping, Protective Siblings, Found Family)

🔒 Not my lips you kissed (but my soul) by luckymoonly (M, 20k, WangXian, NMJ/LXC, Canon Divergence, Fix-It, Sunshot Campaign, Fall of Lotus Pier, Happy Ending, Starts from chapter 55, Romance, fast burn, WWX and NHS are BFF, Horny Teenagers, Loss of Virginity, Smut, Angst, getting together early, no loss of golden core, pregnant WWX, Mpreg, soup drama, Matchmaker WN, Smugji strikes again, Everyone Is Gay)

~*~

2. for itmf!

fics where wangxian are DADS, better if they're girl dads!!

❤️ Attempting the Impossible by Ariaste for williedustice (T, 36k, WangXian, JC & WWX, Post-Canon, Yunmeng Bros Reconciliation, Adoption, Family Fluff, Kid fic, Family drama, Fluff, 🔒[PODFIC] Attempting the Impossible by Ariaste by lunatique)

🔒 Little Stars by Aki_no_hikari (G, 4k, WangXian, Family Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Canon Divergence, Yílíng Wèi Sect)

Jiang Xiaolian’s Guide to Motherhood and Gardening by bumbledees (T, 14k, WangXian, JC/WQ, JYL/JZX, Crack Taken Mostly Seriously, like many of WWX’s best ideas it starts as a joke!, and then i write it, canon is sad bitch let’s get you some fun, purposeful baby aquisition, john mulaney voice: you know those days when you’re like ‘this might as well happen’, that’s this fic, WWX when will you learn that there are consequences to your actions, have a melon baby)

🔒 Little fall of rain by luckymoonly (M, 10k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, Fix-It, WWX didn’t know he was pregnant, Mpreg, Mention of Birth, Family Feels, Nielan himbo rights, soft LQR, Misunderstandings, jealous LWJ, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Smut, Breastfeeding, Thirsty Granny Wen, JGS being his usual self)

~*~

3. I recently read and loved The Second Hand Unwinds by TrulyWicked. So for itmf, are there any other fics where Nie Huaisang, Jin Zixuan and Wei Wuxian swear brotherhood? 🥹 @starlightrenmin

~*~

4. For the next itmf:

A) Do you guys know any fics with wwx being doted on by lwj or the juniors in public? i love wwx being loved 🥹

B) Also any fics that show wwx and wen ning or nie huaisang’s friendship/ brotherhood in more depth? anything where wwx learns what it means to have a true brother and being cared for

Thank you so much for all that you do!

4A)

I’m Going Out (Gonna Make A Name For Me And You) by cosmicmilktea (T, 16k, wangxian, post-canon, chief cultivator LWJ, Mentor WWX, intersect relations, slow burn, sickness)

Trust by FlyingMachine1 (G, 8k, WWX & the Junior Ensemble, Junior Quartet Dynamics, Junior Ensemble Shenanigans, background wangxian, BAMF!WWX, Humor)

Proximity To Knowledge by ChilianXianzi (T, 7k, wangxian, Post-Canon, Married Wangxian, Chief Cultivator LWJ, Teacher WWX, Inventor WWX, And his research assistant Lan ducklings, LQR is not a good educator, the kids are alright, WWX did online learning before it was cool)

See Me, Feel Me (Listening to You) by Ghost_Honey (T, 29k, WangXian, POV WWX, WWX Needs a Hug, WWX’s Abyssmal Self-Esteem, Emotional Healing, Angst, The Juniors love their Senior Wei, Curses, WWX is an Unreliable Narrator, JC & WWX Reconciliation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Platonic Cuddling)

💖 Nice work if you can get it by deliciousblizzardshark (M, 11k, wangxian, protective LWJ, genius LWJ, post-canon, fluff & humor, getting together, chief cultivator LWJ)

I hope that you will come and meet me by feyburner (M, 28k, WangXian Post-Canon, Getting Together, Love Letters, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Cuddling & Snuggling, Literal Sleeping Together, Intimacy, CQL Compliant, No Plot Just Feelings, First Time)

call me home and I'll build you a throne by anaphoricae (E, 51k, WangXian, Post-Canon, Post-CQL, Canon Compliant, Getting Together, Developing Relationship, Self-Indulgent, Gusu Lan Juniors Dynamics, Touch-Starved, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Sexual Intimacy, Lán Juniors Gossiping about Wangxian, Nightmares, Hurt/Comfort, Domestic Fluff, WWX Has a New Golden Core, Farmer WWX, Chief Cultivator LWJ, Mutual Pining, Communication, Quietly Falling Into a Married Life, Light Angst, Wholesome, POV LWJ, POV WWX, LWJ in braids agenda, Sharing a Bed, Semi-Public Sex, Inventor WWX, Jealous WWX)

4B)

Story-Shaped by lingering_song (T, 13k, NHS & WWX, wangxian, Post-Canon, Chief Cultivator LWJ, Inventor WWX, Found Family, NHS needs a new hobby, And apparently that’s spoiling his Wei-Xiong, Mentioned Character Death, Alcohol, Protective NHS, WangXian Endgame, Not JC Friendly, Not particularly gentry sects friendly overall tbh)

A Brother's Choice by Admiranda (M, 8k, Time Travel, Yiling Bros, Animal Death, Minor Character Death, madam yu's canonical cruelty, Post-Canon Setting)

~*~

5. Hello! I Hope you're all having a good day! I'm not sure how to ask, but does anyone have any recs of fics where WWX marries LWJ and into the Lan Clan and kind of becomes it's Furen? Not like, seen as a woman, but taking on the job that the Sect Furen would take, because LXC didn't marry? As in hearing the demands of the women of the Sect, taking care of the women of the clan, or administrating the "household"?

Dispersing Clouds by dreamingofcake (E, 283k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Genius WWX, Inventor WWX, Not Jiang Family Friendly, Abusive YZY, Canonical Child Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, Eventual Sex, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm (Background Character), Background Character Deaths, child deaths, Canon JC, Good Uncle LQR, Accidental Baby Acquisition, Cultivation Sect Politics, Homophobia, Heteronormativity, Feelings Realization, WWX is Not Oblivious) it's a small part of the fic but this is covered in the later part of Dispersing Clouds

~*~

6. Hello!! Do you happen to know any fics with Lan Wangji & Jin Jixuan friendship? I just love the two awkward bois together! @lostandmessedup

mating rituals by detectorist (E, 16k, WangXian, XuanLi, Modern AU, College/University, Humour, Pining, Getting Together, Idiots in Love)

❤️ save a sword, ride a socialist by sysrae (E, 33k, wangxian, modern w magic, college/university au, fake/pretend relationship, single parent WWX, homophobia, light angst w/ happy ending, idiots to lovers, fluff)

Marks of weakness, marks of woe by Song_of_Storms (E, 48k, WangXian, WIP, College/University, Modern with Magic, Dark Academia, Rivals to Lovers, Dark LWJ, Slow Burn, Eventual Smut, Murder Mystery, Minor Character Death, Familiars, Fencing, Nonbinary NHS, Poison, Aftermath of Poisoning, Tagged Explicit For Later Chapters, LWJ's canonical inability to distinguish between immediate hatred and immediate attraction, furthering the LWJ/JZX/MM friendship agenda, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Intrusive Thoughts)

~*~

7. fanfic recommendations with lan wangji feeling jealous? <3 @witchsik

Wrong Turn, Right Place by diamondbruise (E, 71k, WangXian, Time Travel, kind of, it’s more reality travel but there’s modern wwx and cultivator lwj, Mutual Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending, Jealousy, Idiots in Love, Slow Burn, Misunderstandings, Cultural Differences)

Unavoidable by diamondbruise (T, 18k, WangXian, Post-Canon, Amnesia, Jealousy, lwj just is like that idk what to tell you, Misunderstandings, Falling In Love, Again, Happy Ending, it’s that thing where they’re married but lwj can’t remember wwx and they meet again)

🔒Little fall of rain by luckymoonly (M, 10k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Fix-It, WWX didn't know he was pregnant, Mpreg, Mention of Birth, Family Feels, Nielan himbo rights, soft LQR, Misunderstandings, jealous lwj, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Smut, Breastfeeding, Thirsty Granny Wen, JGS being his usual self)

🔒Smile for Me by kuro (T, 8k, WangXian, Fluff, Jealousy, Modern AU, College/University, Bicycles, Coffee, Siblings)

Am I (Gusu Lan Cultivator, 24 M) the Asshole? by moonwaif (M, 41k, WangXian, Mutual Pining, Friends to Lovers, modern cultivation au, Oblivious LWJ, Jealous LWJ, Jealous WWX, Misunderstandings, No actual WWX x Others, A "What If WWX Figured Out His Own Feelings First?", AU Hanguang-jun unlearns compulsory heteronormativity, Implied/Referenced Homophobia)

~*~

8. Hi! Itmf

A) Lwj and the sect that killed two people he loved dearly -mother and WY

B) lwj experiences shock that his sect actually easily goes against everything they instilled in everyone who listened (and not) and killed innocent people. And lwj can't comprehend. His turmoil.

Thank you! @best-before-end

8A)

The Dreams of Youth by sami (E, 86k, wangxian, time travel, fix-it, family, not lan sect friendly, canon typical violence & gore, childhood friends to lovers, hurt/comfort, mothers who live, some people live/not everyone dies)

A Future Family In A Broken Past by Hauntcats (T, 121k, wangxian, WWX & Wen Remnants, Jiang Family & WWX, WQ/MM, JYL/NHS, LXC/NMJ, Not Jiāng Family Friendly, Not Cultivation World Friendly, WWX Needs a Hug, Family Dynamics, What is a good family?, Fear of emotions does not excuse abuse, Not Jiang Clan Friendly, Angst with a Happy Ending, Time Travel fix-it, Canon-Typical Violence, Canon Divergence, LXC needs a hug, Everyone Needs A Hug, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Not YZY Friendly)

A Life Without Regrets by naqaashi (M, 146k, WangXian, JFM & WWX, JC & WWX, WRH & WWX, LXC & LWJ, LQR & LWJ, LWJ & NHS, Canon Divergence, Time Travel Fix-It, Angst and Humor, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Crack Treated Seriously, musical cultivation, Slow Burn, Pining, Rogue Cultivator WWX, Murder Husbands, PTSD, BAMF WWX, Demonic Cultivation, POV WWX, Cultivation Sect Politics, Worldbuilding, No Yīn Iron, Genius WWX, Inventor WWX, Artist WWX, Musician WWX, Night Hunts, Fate & Destiny, Bad Parent JFM & YZY, Golden Core, Cultivation Theory, Sentient Burial Mounds, Father-Son Relationship, Dysfunctional Family, Grief/Mourning, Parent-Child Relationship, Angry WWX, Pining WWX, WWX is Not Okay, No Golden Core Transfer, BAMF LWJ, Pining LWJ, POV LWJ, Angry LWJ, One-Braincell Wangxian, Love Confessions, Idiots in Love, WIP)

8B)

And They Have Escaped The Weight of Darkness by cosmicmilktea (T, 10k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Amnesia, Memory Loss, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Screw the Cultivation world tbh, The Lan precepts deserves better, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, domestic life, Social justice boyfriends wangxian, Happy Ending)

~*~

9. Does anybody have good fics about canon era Wei Wuxian interacting with the dead? I'm more interested in the plot/worldbuilding angle than the ship for this one. One of the things I loved about the yi city arc was how a-Qing was treated properly as a person who had lived a life before becoming the ghost that they encounter. Just Wei Wuxian as a necromancer acknowledging the humanity of his ghosts. Any recommendations are appreciated! @axemurderer1347

🔒 Ad Oblivione by Baph, HikariNoHimeWriter (M, 70k, WangXian, Time Travel Fix-It, Temporary Character Death, Canon-Typical Violence, POV Multiple, Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Identity Reveal, Golden Core Reveal, Cultivation World Critical, Not JC Friendly, Abusive YZY, Angst with a Happy Ending)

Grave dirt by esama (T, 92k, WangXian, canon divergence, yiling wei sect au, demonic cultivation, farming, found family, pre-slash, politics, fix-it of sorts)

A Life Without Regrets by naqaashi (M, 146k, WangXian, JFM & WWX, JC & WWX, WRH & WWX, LXC & LWJ, LQR & LWJ, LWJ & NHS, Canon Divergence, Time Travel Fix-It, Angst and Humor, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Crack Treated Seriously, musical cultivation, Slow Burn, Pining, Rogue Cultivator WWX, Murder Husbands, PTSD, BAMF WWX, Demonic Cultivation, POV WWX, Cultivation Sect Politics, Worldbuilding, No Yīn Iron, Genius WWX, Inventor WWX, Artist WWX, Musician WWX, Night Hunts, Fate & Destiny, Bad Parent JFM & YZY, Golden Core, Cultivation Theory, Sentient Burial Mounds, Father-Son Relationship, Dysfunctional Family, Grief/Mourning, Parent-Child Relationship, Angry WWX, Pining WWX, WWX is Not Okay, No Golden Core Transfer, BAMF LWJ, Pining LWJ, POV LWJ, Angry LWJ, One-Braincell Wangxian, Love Confessions, Idiots in Love, WIP) (link in #8A)

we’re starting at the end by Miss_Enthusiasimal (M, 92k, WangXian, JC & WWX, Time Travel, Canon Divergence, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Golden Core Reveal, Burial Mounds, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Starvation, emaciation, Cannibalism, Self-Harm, Amputation, Suicidal Thoughts, Sunshot Campaign, let JZX and WWX be friends club)

🔒 the thread may stretch or tangle but it will never break by RoseThorne (E, 93k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Soulmates, Self-Esteem Issues, Fix-It, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, PTSD, Handfasting, Panic Attacks, Getting Together, First Time, Aftercare, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, /Referenced Torture, Scars, Chronic Pain, Golden Core Reveal, First Time, Switching, sex-related injury, LWJ Stays at the Burial Mounds, LSZ is a Wèi, Good Sibling JC, Dissociation, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, Disability, Scheming NHS, Disabled Character)

let the sun go down on your anger; let it burn you to sleep by enbysaurus_rex (Not Rated, 90k, WIP, WangXian, Narcolepsy AU, Chronic Illness, Chronic Pain, YLLZ WWX, Oblivious WWX, Sleeping Beauty Elements, Sleeping Beauty Fusion, tags at the beginning of every chapter, Body Horror)

🔒 A Heart Undying by NonsensicalRambling (M, 114k, WangXian, Undead WWX, Canon-Typical Violence, canon-typical dead things the burial mounds, Fix-It of Sorts, Canon Divergence, Eventual WangXian, No Yīn Tiger Seal, Morally Gray WWX, Animals Eating People, WWX’s questionable choices, Morally conflicted LWJ, Oblivious WWX, WWX Creates a Sect | Yiling Wei, YLLZ WWX, Sect Leader WWX, LWJ & WQ have an Understanding) Canon divergence in that WWX dies in the Burial Mounds, becomes a vampire (but is actually a god/immortal/guardian of the dead type being as it turns out at the end). There are some really great moments where we see him caring about each and every soul he helps. Some sad moments when he finds dead children, but he is very kind to them. Happy ending, not everyone who dies in canon dies, LWJ/WWX

~*~

10. For itmf I'd love wangxian fics where wwx swears brotherhood with someone and it turns out to be an amazing bond between him and his sworn bro. I wouldnt mind it being anyone but I'd love it if it was nhs. Apart from that, I'd also love recs for fics where nhs/wwx or jgy/wwx are besties and partners in crime. Thank you! @yiling-laozu-is-loml

🔒 The Second Hand Unwinds by trulywicked (E, 64k, WangXian, JYL/JZX, WIP, Time Travel Fix-It, Not JC Friendly, Not Yunmeng Jiang Sect Friendly, Not Jiāng Family Friendly, Not YZY Friendly, Time Travelling LWJ, Protective LWJ, Fluff, Minor Angst, Minor Character Death, JGS is his own warning, Wooing, LWJ is romantic af, Inventor WWX, Genius WWX, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Protective Gusu Lan Sect, Supportive LXC, Good Uncle LQR, WWX Protection Squad)

🔒 Without end by barisan (M, 69k, WIP, WangXian, Time Travel, Suicide Attempt, Hurt/Comfort, Depressed WWX, Good Uncle LQR, Bad Parent YZY, Bad Parent JFM, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm,   PTSD, Panic Attacks, Yunmeng Jiang bashing, Sentient Resentful energy, Medical inaccuracies)

Debts of a Child Part 2 by Hauntcats (M, 111k, WangXian, YZY Bashing, Not Jiang Family Friendly, Angst and Feels, lots of anger, JC Bashing, not Jiang friendly, Angst with a Happy Ending, Content warning for icky spiders in later chapters., hurt no comfort for Jiang siblings.)

~*~

11. Hello, I wonder if there are fics where wwx is a better sect leader than lxc. Like wwx took his place for a period of time and people he leads see the difference. Thank you 😊

~*~

12. Hello, I'm reading a work "Baby, you ain't seen nothing yet" and would like to read where else someone said lxc talks too much (blabbermouth and telling secrets to other people and wtf). Any recommendations?😉

Thank you!

~*~

13. Hello i don't know how to use this app. but i need help , I'm in the mood for a fic where wangxian is in college and shares a dorm. i really like lengthy fics. please help me thankyou.

tags i prefer:

mutual pinning

pov lwj

happy ending

jealous wwx.

(i can accept anything except cheating)

Thank you again

like a saturated sunrise by moonsteps (T, 26k, WangXian, College/University, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, References to anxiety, Family Issues, Friends to Lovers, Roommates)

the earthquake in the room by phnelt (E, 39k, WangXian, College/University, Modern: No Powers, Canada, Getting Together, Mentions of lwj/others, background NieLan, background QingMian, inter-faculty romance, strangers to lovers to frenemies to lovers, mostly book characterisation, Background XuanLi)

no certainty of doors between us by betts (T, 6k, WangXian, Modern AU, College/University, Roommates, Crack Treated Seriously, Drunken Confessions, Idiots in Love, dubiously consensual spooning, Enemies to Lovers, Sharing Clothes, Hurt/Comfort, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, wwx's casual intimacy meets lwj's touch starvation, wwx doesn't know they're enemies, lwj doesn't know they're dating)

🔒 The Second Jade of Lan’s late but incendiary sexual awakening by KizuKatana (E, 41k, wangxian, First Time, LWJ’s Horny Grip, LWJ does not know what hit him, and yet somehow he still realizes it before WWX, canon wangxian dynamics, college AU, LWJ starts off annoyed at WWX, But quickly discovers both his competency kink and a caretaking kink, Genius WWX)

Nothing But Trouble by brooklinegirl (E, 60k, WangXian, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Modern, JC mooning over WQ, getting wrecked sexually, WWX's single brain cell, Practice Kissing)

synesthesia by uchiuchi (T, 28k, wangxian, modern, college/university au, strangers to friends to lovers, pining)

The Simplest Way Forward by harriet_vane (E, 70k, WangXian, Modern AU, Accidental Baby Acquisition,Kid Fic, explicit in much much later chapters, green card marriage (but not really), pining for your own husband, endless pining, Slow Burn, Happy Ending, Nothing else bad or traumatic happens to the baby, [Podfic of] The Simplest Way Forward by knight_tracer)

🧡 Always Knew You Were Magical by jeyhawk (E, 25k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, Curse Breaking, Case Fic, Sharing a Bed, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Pining, Resolved Sexual Tension Masturbation, First Time, Blow Jobs, curse fic, College/University, True Love's Kiss, Attempted self harm under the influence of a curse)

living in my memory/living in my mouth by tardigradeschool (T, 32k, WangXian, Reincarnation, Canon Divergence, Modern AU, College/University, Modern with Magic, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Sharing a Bed Nightmares, Light Angst, Epistolary, (sort of), POV Alternating, Mutual Pining, Friends to Lovers)

Talk Hard by DeviyudeThoolika (E, 161k, wangxian, LXC/JYL, JZX/WQ, JC/MM, Modern, College/University, Roommates/Housemates, rare pairs galore, Falling In Love, Getting Together, Separations, Getting Back Together, BAMF WWX, Drunk LWJ, Protective WWX, Good Parent YZY, Mutual Pining, Fluff, Cultivation Sect Politics, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, Angst with a Happy Ending)

~*~

14. Hello! I’m looking for a fic where Lan Zhan is mean or a jerk to Wei Ying, but then he realizes he was wrong

For you by 10thNoNamePerson (T, 16k, WangXian, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Cloud Recesses Shenanigans, Canon Divergence, No War AU, Teen Wangxian, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Jealous WWX, Soft WangXian, No Sunshot Campaign)

~*~

15. For the next In the Mood for… possibly any fics where LWJ dates WWX on a dare, or even where LWJ believes in an accusation leveled against WWX and leaves him? Happy ending if possible, but ending doesn’t really matter, I’ve just been super into emotionally hurt WWX. Thanks a bunch!

~*~

16. Hello!!! I'm in the mood for fics where people assume Lwj raped Wy or where people assume Wy raped Lwj (no abuse actually happened, people are just being their usual batard selves who assume the worse)

Hi, this is the same person who sent an ask requesting fics where some misunderstanding happens and people and up thinking Lwj raped Wwx or thinking Wwx raped Lwj. I forgot to add on the ask that I don't want the ones where the misunderstanding happens because Lwj was drunk and Wwx wasn't, Lwj freaks out when he wakes up thinking he took advantage of Wwx while drunk, Wwx (who didn't know Lwj was drunk) freaks out thinking Lwj regrets what happened and there goes people thinking Wwx is freaking out because Lwj abused him. Those fics are full of victim blaming towards Lwj (who was the one drunk while they had sex) both on the fic and on the comments and of everyone ignoring Lwj's pain of losing his first time while drunk and painting him as an asshole towards Wwx for freaking out when he woke up, so I don't vibe with that kind of victim blaming at all. If the fic doesn't have shit like that, then it's all good. Thanks.

🔒 Hold Truth to the Light by SoManyJacks (E, 15k, WangXian, Light Angst, Fluff, idiot plot kind of, switch!lwj, service top!wwx, Accusations of rape, False Accusations, nasty rumors, Alcohol, arranged marriage sideplot, Painful Sex, Anal Sex, POV Alternating, Light Dom/sub, Post-Canon, Based on the novel, Flip Fuck, gratuitous epilogues, uhhh also donkey)

~*~

17. heyy itmf some highschool au's! It could be a confession fic or a case fic with murder mystery as long as the characters are in highschool :))

My Care for You by flowercity (FaoriE) (T, 6k, WangXian, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Modern AU, High School, Getting Together, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Underage Drinking )

The Fifth Type of Non-Contact Force by Caixx (Not Rated, 83k, WangXian, Modern AU, High School, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Fluff and Humor, Actually Somewhat Canon, Mutual Pining, Horny Teenagers, Angst with a Happy Ending, Non-Graphic Smut)

🔒Where is home? by SpicyRamen_10969 (M, 92k, WIP, WangXian, Modern AU, High School, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Coming Out, Not Jiang Family Friendly, Supportive LQR, Good Sibling LXC, Fluff, Angst with a Happy Ending, JC Being an Asshole, Possible Smut?)

🔒you’ve ruined my life (by not being mine) by cicer (E, 132k, WangXian, Modern AU, Developing Relationship, Idiots in Love, Awkward Flirting, teenage romance, Shameless WWX, slowburn, Demisexuality, references to lqr’s a+ parenting, references to jfm’s a+ parenting, but we’re gonna get a happy ending ANYWAY, references to yzy’s a+ parenting, Background NMJ/LXC, hints of nmj/lxc/jgy, bottom LWJ in chapter 15)

Tempo Rubato by Spodumene (E, 108k, wangxian, modern, angst w/ happy ending, romance, persuasion au, separations, pining, miscommunication, depression, self-harm, reconciliation, smut) which starts out with the characters in high school

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If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what you order!***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink! Fluff, crack, whatever - it’s all good!***

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WITAH for not telling someone my middle name?

My brother invited me to go bookstore browsing with him, his friend John, and John’s wife Rachel, neither of whom I’d met before. We’re all adults, late 20s-early 30s, I present F.

After introductions, we split to browse individually, saying hi if we ran into each other but otherwise continuing to do our own thing.

The second time Rachel and I crossed paths, she asked what my middle name was. I swear it was the first question out of her mouth in a one-on-one conversation, which absolutely floored me because in the many places I’ve lived, it has always been my experience that middle names can be a touchy subject, so it’s never something you’d just come out and ask someone?

I really didn’t want to tell her because, besides being a very private person, my middle name is *john mulaney voice* one of the things I’m sensitive about.

But I didn’t want to be rude and didn’t want to make her feel like she had been rude either, so I compromised and said that my middle name is actually a last name but didn’t tell her what it was.

I thought my words and tone were a strong enough indicator that I Didn’t Want To Tell Her So Let’s Please Talk About Other Things Now, but when she explained she wanted to see if mine was similar to a family member’s who shared my first name, she very clearly still expected an answer.

(sidenote: I can understand the curiosity but also have such a common first name that 5% of the people I work with have it, so it’s not like her meeting someone with my name was a rare occurrence or anything)

Well. I still didn’t want to tell her and couldn’t for the life of me think of a polite way to express “I literally met you 30 minutes ago, there’s no way I’m telling you my middle name when most of my friends don’t even know it??” So I just kind of laughed awkwardly and said that if her relative’s middle name wasn’t also a last name then it definitely wasn’t similar.

Then I asked her if there were any books she was hoping to find while we were there, and after a little small talk, we parted and didn’t really talk again for the rest of the night.

I fully realize this is low stakes but I feel like I need a reality check here like is this a normal thing to ask someone you just met?? Was this just a case of poor social skills or was Rachel the AH for asking (and then pressing) a near-stranger for their middle name? Is this just my anxiety-brain overthinking the entire interaction, or am I the AH for being so cagey and not answering when she asked me multiple times?

What are these acronyms?

[topperscumslut]

Flip the Script (NSFW)

Summary: Bill punishes you after you make him break character during a sketch

Time: roughly sometime from 2008-2010

Content/warning: smut, porn with a plot, unedited stoned writing, fingering, oral (fem receiving), spanking, vaginal sex, protected sex, choking, breast worshipping, brat kink, praise kink, begging kink, male moaning, public sex

Word Count: 1.8k

It was your favorite night of the week - Saturday night. It wasn’t that you had a crazy party to go to, well, not until after work at least. It was that you had the best job in the world, working for Saturday Night Live with your steady boyfriend Bill and your castmates who were like family to you. Tonight, you and John had something special planned.

Mulaney was always making Hader laugh by switching his lines in Weekend Update with Stefon, but this time John had let you take the reigns. You were newer to writing but he coached you through it, and with a little help from Andy Samberg, you had a sketch that was sure to send your boyfriend into hysterics.

You felt a little bad at first, you didn’t want to upset or embarrass Bill, but John reassured you he did it all the time and he wasn’t upset. He was right, you thought, and what should I be scared about? Even if Bill was mad, he would never hurt me… unless I wanted him to.

Now, it was finally the night of the show and you, John, and Andy, couldn’t contain your giggles about the switched lines you were unexpectedly springing onto Bill later tonight. You made your way over to your boyfriend’s makeup chair where he was getting ready for the show, already in his game show host character suit, and gave him a soft kiss on the cheek.

“Hey, love bug!” he wrapped you up in his arm, “I’m so excited to be performing the first sketch you’ve ever written tonight! That’s huge!”

You giggled at how enthusiastic Bill got over you, you really were extremely lucky. “I gotta admit, I do have a few little surprises planned…”

Bill’s eyes widen.

“You better not make me break up there!”

“Aww, whatcha gonna do about it Hader, punish me?”

This makes his eyes widen even more, before he collects himself and pulls you in closer, whispering in your ear.

“That’s exactly what I’ll do.”

You attempt to control the arousal now pooling between your legs from the rasp in his voice, and see how much you can get away with teasing him.

“Oh noooo, I’m so scared!” you chuckled, giving your lover a snarky wink.

“You’re scared? I have no idea what I’m gonna have to say out there!”

You roll your eyes with affection and place your hand on his neck, “babe, it’s not that bad, I swear. I love you, and I know you’re going to crush it.”

Bill plants a kiss on your cheek. “I love you too.”

The two of you pull yourselves together from the dishevel of the sexual tension, and continue getting ready for the night before exchanging a quick peck right before the start of the show.

After opening with one of your skits with Amy, Bill is up. John flashes you a mischievous grin and you feel your stomach churn from adrenaline.

Only a few seconds in, you’re getting the tiniest smile out of Bill, him shooting you a look as he sees his opening line is changed. By two minutes in, he can hardly keep it together as his lips grow into a goofy smile and he’s nearly doubling over with laughter.

You lock eyes with him as he starts to calm down from his laughing fit, mouthing “good boy,” which causes him to squirm in an attempt to fight back both the laughter and the sudden tent growing in his pants.

By the end of the sketch, you and John are laughing your asses off and Bill is red as a tomato, playfully flipping the two of you off as he walks backstage.

He takes you into his arms and places a chaste kiss on your lips, pinning your hands behind your back when you try to hold his face. “I don't know whether to be more proud of you for your writing or annoyed at you for embarrassing me.”

You kiss him back with a small laugh. “I’d stick with proud.”

He leans down and whispers in your ear, “let’s just hope you decide it’s worth it after tonight.”

Chills run down your spine in lust and anticipation as Bill kisses your cheek and walks away. The rest of the night goes by smoothly, act after act, just as planned. At the end of the show, you and the rest of the crew all join the stage to say your goodbyes, before gathering together to clock out and head to the cast after party.

Bill’s already teasing you in the back of the taxi, kissing your neck with his fingers in your hair, and rubbing his hands up and down your thighs.Your purple cocktail dress barely covers you, and your beloved boyfriend can’t keep his eyes off of your body.

When you make it to the nice Mexican restaurant the party is at, you greet the cast, hugging an already tipsy Kristen and fist bumping Andy. You and Bill go sit down with Seth and Jason and make small talk while waiting for your food after ordering. In the middle of the conversation, you feel Bill feel his way up your leg, making his way from your knee nearly to where your legs meet. He pretends to nod along to something Jason said, but then turns and nods to you to ask for consent, to which you nod back.

Before you know, Bill has his right hand in your panties, massaging your clit while you fight to hold back your moans.

“You doing ok, (Y/N)?” Seth asks.

“Y-yeah, just, a little, um buzzed.”

Bill laughs, shaking his head with affection, “my little lightweight.” He shoots you a devilish glance, knowing damn well the real reason isn’t the alcohol in your system.

Right as you start to speak up again, Bill gently sticks one finger inside of you, causing you to gasp. You collect yourself as quickly as possible, trying not to let on to what was happening under the table.

Bill suddenly stops, abruptly stepping up from the table, announcing he’s going to use the restroom, leaving you with the guys to pretend like nothing had happened. Within five minutes, the three of you had diverged, still waiting for your food, splitting apart and joking with your coworkers when you get a text from Bill.

Meet me in the closet by the kitchen.

You bite your cheek, exhilaration flooding your body. No one will notice if both of you are gone for a couple minutes, right? You excuse yourself, walking to the hallway and right past the bathrooms, over to a large closet across from the kitchen.

You open the door and Bill beckons you in, shirt already unbuttoned, before pulling you in for a passionate kiss.

“Did you think it was funny making me break out there, doll?” he asks, fingers brushing your chin. He kisses you again before you can answer.

Between heavy breaths, you try to talk some reason into things. “Bill, we can’t do this here, someone could catch us. What if our friends-“

“What? What if our friends what? You can make me break character on live television, but are scared of all our friends knowing what a good little slut you are for me?”

Your breath catches in your throat, unable to speak. Bill starts to kiss up and down your body and you surrender to the sensation as he engulfs his face in your breasts, slipping off your dress to expose you to his touch and sucking and licking them while praising you. Telling you what a good girl you are, what beautiful tits you have for him. He leaves dozens of hickeys on your chest before making his way down to your bikini line.

Bill starts to kiss around the bottom of your pelvis, making you whine and beg for him. He finally gives in, holding you up against the wall before removing your lacy panties and sticking his face between your legs. Your knees start to give out as you moan and gasp his name, Bill licking up and down your folds and sucking teasingly on your clit. He inserts two fingers into you, curling them around your g spot, before pulling out as he feels you start to clench.

“Damnit Bill!”

He chuckles a little and looks you up and down, “told you there’d be consequences.”

Bill starts to undress, throwing his clothes recklessly onto the floor. He pulls out and slides on a condom, before lifting you up onto the wall again and making you beg before sliding into you. He steadies himself by placing his hands above your head before starting to pump into you as a familiar Arctic Monkeys tune plays through the restaurant stereo.

“Holy fuck, Bill! Harder!”

At this point, you don’t really care who hears. All you care about is your desperate need to cum. Most of the cast is probably enjoying their dinner anyway, none the wiser to you and Bill being gone.

You gasp in pleasure and pain as Bill raises his hand and spanks you while thrusting in you. “Such a good little fucking brat. Taking it so well.”

You start to feel him throb inside of you and his dominant demeanor falls from his face as his head tilts back and his eyes roll back in pleasure, lip quivering. You can tell he’s getting close and clench your walls on him, eliciting a deep groan.

Bill’s speed increases as he muffles his moans into your neck, so close to release. You feel your orgasm approaching as well and dig your nails into his back as he pumps into you. You throw your head back, nearly hitting the wall before Bill’s hand secures you, as he fills you completely and the tingling pleasure overtakes your whole body. You swear you see stars as Bill pushes you over the edge, hand wrapped gently but firmly around your throat.

Bill reaches his high at the same time, pulling you into him for an intimate kiss, hands fondling your body. He pulls out of you before planting a kiss on the top of your head and helping you get dressed, adjusting the collar of his shirt as the two of you make your way back to the party.

“You did such a good job, babygirl,” he whispers to you with a kiss as you join the rest of the guests.

“(Y/N)!” Kristen calls to you. “Where the hell have you been? Your quesadilla is getting cold!” She gasps in surprise and amusement as her eyes draw to your neck and chest, noticing your hickeys.

“Damn, why do I never get that treatment when I make you break?” John chuckles.

Bill turns beet red again, laughing awkwardly with the group while helping you to your chair. After a long night of laughs, food, and drinks, you and Bill finally make it home, changing into your pajamas and holding each other until morning, excited to spend your day off together repeating the night before.

[methylphenidatedreams]

Okay Jesus. so also in my dream last night Red Robin, Robin, and Red Hood found this giant abandoned house. Building more like because it was so big. Anyways, Tim and Damian find the kitchen and immediately decide to start making cookies. Or maybe playing? I think they might have been playing because they were just dumping something that might have been sand over a muffin tin and had added those little decorative daisies that go on dresses that you can get at the craft store.

Anyways, they got along so much better during this they decided that from now on they were just gonna sit in silence together parallel playing. They also decided this was a do-over for their relationship and so they weren’t allowed to refer to each other by name because they hadn’t introduced themselves yet. The next morning they were sitting at breakfast so close they were basically sharing a chair and they asked Bruce if they can have a sleepover and Bruce and Dick thought they were being fucking weird. Also they were in the Wfa style whereas Tim and Damian looked like they were came out of a super old comic book from when Batman first cam out in the 40s. Like with the greased back hair and the skin that wasn’t colored in. I’ll try to find a picture of what I’m talking about. Also Damian was wearing one of those shirts with the thin horizontal yellow stripes that they wore in like the 60s.

Meanwhile Jason (also in Wfa style) was at the abandoned house turning one of the rooms into a rage room (those places where you go to break shit) for Cass. A lot of it was scrap metal because apparently Cass had super strength and could punch metal so hard it bends. While Jason was looking around for stuff to use he found a bunch picture of him and his family. He found one that he thought was cute of himself that he pocketed along with a crowbar. Jason did not find it weird that their were photographs of them. In fairness it was a good picture of him. He was doing that one pose where the person is sitting on the floor, legs wrapped around their knees, looking up at the photographer. He had big brown eyes in it.

In conclusion: the batkids found a (probably) haunted house and Damian and Tim (probably) got possessed by the spirits of two anti social children, Cass has super strength, and Jason doesn’t question being stocked and also likes to steal random crowbars.

Oh yeah, there was also a voice over happening of a John Mulaney show where he was talking about his polyamorous relationship and how at one point he tried to make cookies for his girlfriends but didn’t believe that salt went into cookies. I think it was implied that the abandoned house had belonged to him and his polycule. Anyways.

[greenhappyseed]

MHA Ch.379 leak reactions:

Rock Lock! Hmm, I thought his quirk would do something about the portals, but now I’m thinking Hori is making a point of having many heroes (especially side characters) having the biggest impact WITHOUT their quirks.

AFO’s anger at Nagant gives Shigaraki an opening to emerge out of AFO, shedding AFO like a skin. I really like that Shigaraki got one over on AFO, keeping a hold on “himself” and his “origin” to assert his autonomy. It’s not just Deku rescuing him, it’s him trying his best to help himself.

[John Mulaney voice] Now we don’t have time to unpack that origin! But we need to, because Shigaraki still wants to destroy “everything to do with” the house that denied him, even though the house and all the people in it are long gone. He says his heart won’t surrender, just like how Nagant and Gentle didn’t surrender? Meaning how they…became the heroes they always wanted to be??? I’m very curious to see the official English translation on these lines!

Deku won’t let Shigaraki destroy “everything”, but also won’t ignore the crying Tenko so HE REMOVES SHIGARAKI FROM THE “COFFIN” AND LETS HIM TOUCH THE GROUND!!!! Emerging from the crypt! Back from the dead! Reborn!

We keep hearing how Erasure is not working but we didn’t see Monoma close his eyes. And in any event, either he or Aizawa could escape the Twices. Then again, keeping with the theme of heroes not necessarily using their quirks to win, Monoma and Aizawa could pop up with a different way to help Deku, Katsuki, or Shigaraki.

Kurogiri glitches as AFO orders a portal like it’s an Uber. Kurogiri wants to “protect Shigaraki” but also Shirakumo emerges to say a few words. I LOVE Shigaraki and Shirakumo both emerging from AFO’s distortions at the same time. I can’t imagine AFO will react to this well. Plus we’re assuming nobody will explode….

I like Gentle and Mirio both being confused by Deku. They love this kid, they’re inspired by him, but they also think he’s got a screw loose. Oooh, and they both played a key role in the School Festival arc, so it’s cool they’re sharing some screen time.

[tildeathiwillwrite]

There's a Thief! Loose! In the Draigo Stronghold!

(The Watcher and the Thief, Chapter 2 Scene 1)

June of Doom Day 5: "It's not as bad as it looks." / Bite / Swelling / Disfiguration

Prompts List | Event Masterpost

<- previous | next ->

Fandom: Original Work

Words: 900

Tag List:@juneofdoom @fourwingedsnake @whumperofworlds @pigeonwhumps @mr-orion

@scaewolf

CW: deception, sabotage, arguing, bruises, swelling

A/N: No one knows what the thief is going to do next! Least of all the thief! (parodied from comedian John Mulaney) Comedy aside, we're actually getting to the "thief" part of TWatT. You have no idea how long I've been waiting to make that horse loose in a hospital joke.

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It was surprisingly easy to get close to the Draigo stronghold unseen. Sure, his employer had said they wouldn’t be paying much attention to the east entrance with the Council meeting in session, but Rift had to admit that he’d had his reservations about just… walking up to the building. He’d even gone to the trouble of putting on the disguise and getting into character hours before drawing near the stronghold, for fear of running into some far-flung patrol.

His employer had been correct, though. Nobody was paying much attention to the east entrance. The solitary guard minding it even wished him good morning as he went past! The Draigo truly were confident that their reputation would keep would-be thieves and assassins away.

The smart ones, anyway.

Rift absently palmed a small, round, flat metal object from one of the many hidden pockets on his person. A number of these strange objects had been gifted to him by his employer, with instructions that he place all of them around the stronghold before the Council meeting ended. He had not asked what the purpose of the objects was, and his employer had not elaborated, only given a stern reminder before they parted ways.

He flicked his wrist, and the object skipped across the ground, stopping against the wall near the guard. The guard didn’t notice, and Rift continued walking, consciously putting a purposeful bounce in his step.

Loop around the north side of the stronghold first, make a pass at the Council chambers—and if possible, get one of the objects under the door—plant the remaining objects as close to the chambers as possible, and keep one on hand for outside the archives. The idea was to concentrate the Draigo at the Council chambers and fool them into thinking they were under attack.

Those particular instructions had piqued Rift’s curiosity as to what, exactly, the objects would do. He supposed as he made his way towards the north side of the stronghold, that he would find out soon enough.

He dropped another object into a fancy-looking vase as he passed. The clicking sound it made echoed strangely through the mouth, and he winced, hurrying on his way. Not many Draigo around to notice, but still…

As Rift drew close to the west side of the stronghold, to the building where the Council chambers lay, the sounds of arguing drew his attention. He paused, head cocked, trying to locate the source of the voices. Up ahead… around the side of the building, maybe?

The voices grew louder and more heated as he drew closer.

“…not Marcella. Let me speak to Maelyn, then!”

“Miss Sorro is accompanying the Justice Head in the meeting. You will simply have to wait.”

A muffled thud, followed by a muttered curse.

“De Silv, if you do not compose yourself, I will have to see you out.”

“You can’t—!”

“…is everything alright over here?” Rift rounded the corner and paused, a carefully crafted look of concern on his face. Two elves, both facing away from him, flinched and whirled around, twin looks of surprise on their faces.

The elf furthest from him, with silvery hair, exhausted eyes and what appeared to be a bruise on the side of his face, recovered first. “Yes, of course,” he said softly, running a hand through his hair and wincing as he brushed the bruise. “I apologize for my outburst. It… it has been a long few days without rest. I am simply… frustrated. My message is incredibly urgent.”

“So you’ve made clear,” the other elf muttered. Raising his voice, he addressed Rift. “Thank you for your concern, lord…?”

“Theodoric Graves,” Rift supplied, giving a small bow. “From the far east stronghold on business. And I must apologize for intruding on your discussion, but I’ve only just arrived myself… is the Council in session?”

The silver-haired elf grimaced. “Correct.”

Rift nodded. “That would explain why the place is all but deserted.” He crossed his arms and glanced around the corner to the entrance of the building. “Any clue when the meeting’s ending?”

The elves glanced at each other before the other elf, who appeared to have some authority, answered. “I’m afraid I do not know, Lord Graves.”

“Ah. Well, thanks anyway.” Rift turned as if to leave before pausing and glancing back. “By the way… de Silv, was it?” He tapped the side of his face, mirroring the location of the silver-haired elf’s bruise. “You might want to get that looked at. It’s beginning to swell.”

De Silv blinked, his hand automatically reaching up and probing the wound. “I…” he stammered, “Thank you for your concern, sir, but it’s not as bad as it looks.”

Rift shrugged. “I’ll take your word for it. It’s your wound after all.” He turned away, another object discretely slipping out of his hand. “I think I’ll head over to the archives, in case someone comes along looking for me.” It landed on the ground with barely a sound, and Rift casually walked off, leaving the elves to continue their heated discussion.

By the time he finally began making his way south, towards the archives, he only had one object left on his person, with plenty of time to find his target. Celestials willing, anyway.

[misscalming]

PUSS IN BOOTS:THE LAST WISH SHINANIGANS

“ I hope this doesn’t awaken something within me” I say while watching the wolf villain in Puss in Boots as if Tigress from Kung Foo Panda didn’t awaken me when I was 10

“Ew” I accidentally yell when the water dude shows up in the elements trailer the entire row in front and behind me laughs

“Make them both queer” I yell at the end of the elements trailer

*scattered laughs at that one*

“His eyes are rolling into the back of his skull he’s enjoying that shit” I point aggressively at -THAT- bowuigi scene in the trailer while staring my friend down

“He’s being tortured” my friend replies

“He’s having an awakening”

*the 12 year olds behind us laugh*

“I’d fuck him” I say really loudly as Bowser shows up in the Super Mario movie trailer

“He’s a lizard??” My friend hushes

“So????”

“He might not even have a penis”

“Actually if he’s a lizard he’d have a cloaca, and I can work with that”

I traumatized my man guys, also accidentally showed him my bowuigi monster fucker nsfw art by accident one time.

“LUIGI MY BABYGIRL” * I make grabby hands at the screen*

“BOOOOO” *i throw popcorn at Chris Pratt’s Mario

“yahoo” Chris Pratt says with the enthusiasm of a 8 year old who just got socks for Christmas and not the ps5 they asked for “SHUT THE FUCK UP” I yell back

“I want him” I whisper at the grim reaper wolf, but I am awful at whispering cause of my hearing impairment and more talk at an outdoor volume.

“THE VOICE ACTOR IN SOME DUB FOR THE DOG IS TRANS” I practically announce to the whole cinema.

Fat John Mulaney

“Viral fat filter John Mulaney “

The bad guys passes across the screen “Furry bait” we both nod Kung foo panda crosses across the screen “furry bait” shrek passes by the screen “monster fucker bait”

“They’re so T for T” i nod at puss and kitty soft paws.

[hazelwords]

So I have some thoughts on the celebrity casting choices for season 2 of The Bear. I haven’t seen many takes (what I have seen were general critiques), but I think I know why the creators had such big names on the show.

Seeing a familiar face triggers a specific part to our brain (don’t ask me which one, I’m not a brain scientist), and this happens whether we see an old classmate in CVS or a famous actor on a TV show. There’s a feeling of, “Oh, I know this person,” and, depending on the actor and your knowledge of the gossip mags, you will start remembering little details and facts about them.

Each character played by a famous person in season 2 was meant to be someone we “know.” Our brains were supposed to light up in recognition as a part of the storytelling.

From my memory (having just finished the season), the celebrity appearances are divided into two: chefs Carmy knew/worked with, and Carmy’s family. The chefs are big-name chefs, headliners and front-page people. So yes, we recognize Will Poulter and Olivia Colman from previous roles, but within the world of the show, we should recognize them. They are famous chefs!

Similarly, when we see Sarah Paulson, John Mulaney, Bob Odenkirk, Gillian Jacobs, and Jamie Lee Curtis, we get to see them through Carmy’s eyes: as familiar faces and voices, people we have seen before. We are immersed in the scene, not taken out of it, since we are surrounded by people we “know”.

That’s my theory, at least. All’s to say - I liked this season and didn’t mind the famous faces!

(The only time I felt “taken out” was when Rene Gube was on the scene! I was like, “Hey! That’s Rene Gube! He’s one of the producers and writers for the show! Man, why is Father Brah so cranky and mean right now?”)