#- the same response now as i did in 7th grade and starting college. so

[callixton]

i genuinely don't know what changed where i experience active romance repulsion so much now but like. goddamn that shit is not for me. good to know! important to know these things about yourself!

[amorhedera6]

((this turned out longer and more in depth then i meant for it to go, tw for abusive families, suicidal ideation, mentions of death, grief, and dismembering of a body))

headcannon that steph and max were best friends as kids. his dads an important man, one that solomon wanted on his side. so he pushed steph to spend time with his son. max was a super happy kid, very exciteable, loved musicals. they were on their own a lot, since neither of their parents really gave a shit, so they’d spend a lot of time at starlight theatre, watching all the different shows and things going on. max would tell her about how shitty his dad was and she’d do the same in return.

when they got to the 7th grade, steph got really depressed and pushed max and everyone else away. and max was little, they both didn’t really know what was going on. after that, they weren’t ever really close like that again. she got on the middle school football team and was deemed a prodigy, got popular, started getting all these friends that would do whatever he said. things with his dad got worse, and without steph to help him he started bullying to corral his emotions. steph knew what he was doing, but also knew it wasn’t serious. he pushed a few people around a little, that’s all. she didn’t think she had to be worried about her friend and now that he was super popular, she needed other people to spend her time with.

she also became cool, just because he said hi to her in the hallways, so she found herself in with his group. but she never truly felt she fit in, skirting along the edges. in high school, her friends all joined the cheer squad as she joined the smoke club and stop giving a shit about school. she never made sense in the “popular kid” crowd, but she assumed they kept her around bc she was the mayor’s daughter and pushing her out wouldn’t fly. it was actually max, making sure she got an invite to every party.

steph sort of floats through high school disassociatedly, in the my-home-life-is-terrible-and-isn’t-gonna-get-better-until-college-so-i-don’t-give-a-shit way, so she doesn’t see the escalation of max knowing no one will stop him doing anything, getting a total god complex, and ruling the school with violence, until pete. she’s probably the only person in hatchetfield high that doesn’t know, but it surprised her so much. bc max? the boy who would geek out over tech production of the musicals? the kid who let her be the captain when they were pirates bc he thought it was more fun to be the first mate? who’d stay up late with her when she had a bad day to read the books their moms were had promised to read to them? that boy is this horrible bully, and she didn’t even know it? it just doesn’t make sense.

she says she’ll go to the principal bc that’s the first instinct one has about this shit, but people started doing that in 8th grade, and all that happens is max has to go to an anti bullying thing every few months. she wants to talk him down, figure out what made him go this far, but she already knows it’s his dad. he wants to be the big impressive football star that his dad wants him to be, so maybe he’ll actually give a shit. he wants his dad to notice and tell him to stop, because then it would mean he was paying attention to what he did. daddy issues recognize daddy issues, and steph sees it in max, even if she did have prior knowledge. she goes along with grace’s plan bc she thinks it’ll be a good ego check to bring him down, but then. then.

she goes home and cries herself to sleep, feeling responsible for the death of her first real friend. she gets sick for weeks with flashes of her dismembering his body with the others, and while every one else’s seems to think the school’s getting better, all stephanie can think is “did no one else fucking care about him? even a little?” all his friends, the football guys, even her friends on the cheer squad, seem to not care about max’s disappearance as much as they care about his missing spot on the field. she starts to skip more until she decides to hang out with pete instead. he must be guilty too, be haunted by these images, but then he says “everything is objectively better.”

which she gets. people are free from his torment, they can do what they want, talk to who they want, etc. the hallways are brighter, people are happier, whatever. but max was still a person. steph wonders if the plan had gone right, maybe he would’ve come back down from his god complex and been more like she remembered him. if he would’ve done the spring musical like he’d always wanted to do but never felt like he could. if he would’ve hated her for it forever. she’d rather he hate her forever than her have helped kill him.

when they have to start talking about what happened, she tries to call him jägerman, tries to disconnect her friend from what happened, because he truly was drastically different, but it was hard. after richie and ruth, shut goes crazy and max is back, but he’s not really max. she feels like the worst friend in the world when she think “he looks like his dad”

because mr jägerman has always been a being full of rage and anger, not one to hide in his own home. she’d seen him scream and yell at max for being a regular little kid, not special at all. not the perfect son he wanted. max, this weird spector of max, is all rage, no heart. even when max was at his worst, he had some heart. he kept her in the “cool group” even though she made no sense there, let grace go unbullied bc he had a crush on her. this wasn’t max. this was a personification of his dying moments, the only thing the waylon place did was preserve, and maybe further his anger.

she wants to beg pete to kill her the way he begs her to kill him. she started all this, even if she denied it at beanies, it’s true, and she is probably the only one who could have helped max stay a regular guy instead of the egomaniac ruler of the school he became. but she can’t get the words off her tongue. so long she’s been thinking about how easier everyone’s lives would be if she just killed herself, and now she can’t even do this. he gets on his knees in the football field, she raises the gun from twenty yards away, and thinks about how many people this thing that isn’t really max has killed.

she forces herself to pull the trigger.

max stops the bullet.

grace fucks the ghost, and all is well. except she’s met gods who seem like they want to eat her, and now her father’s dead too. he was an asshole, he never really cared about her, but she sobs for hours n the big empty house on pinebrook, and wishes desperately that she had made pete do it.

she and pete check on each other, because he also lost two people important to him, and they hold each other up. get each other through it. help each other mourn. she meets his older brother, he helps her clean out her father’s office. they go to funerals together and hold hands, and don’t talk about it.

it takes her a little while to realize his homecoming offer is still up, since things are technically different now. she buys a dress and tells him only the color, and he wears a matching bow tie. it’s such a ridiculously peter thing to do, and it makes her laugh for the first time in a while. they laugh together a lot that night, and she helps him breathe through a panic attack in the bathroom when ruth’s favorite song comes on.

she tells him about the images she can’t get out of her head, maxs body in pieces, the blood everywhere, that she burned the clothes she wore that day bc she couldn’t get the smell of blood and bleach out no matter how often she washed it. he tells her that he’s having flashbacks like that too, and that he wishes he could talk to his therapist about it without being sent to jail or a mental hospital.

she talks to detective shapiro and gets her to send a letter to peters therapist that he’s not gonna be arrested so pete can talk his shit out. at least the non-ghost and demon stuff. the dismembering a guy stuff, though, he can talk about.

it gets her thinking about therapy and getting some. she’s 18, she’s got more money than is necessary from her father, and she thinks she’s going crazy. she looks into it and finds one, starts going once a week. he tells steph he things she has adhd, sends her to a psychiatrist who confirms the diagnosis. she gets some drugs to take, and she feels weird about taking them. she’s done drugs, but like the cool ones. she knows not to do drugs you’re unfamiliar with when your alone, and she feels like she’s a lot of that.

homecoming was fun, but she and pete still haven’t out any label in their relationship. they haven’t said i love you, even though everything that went down means the both know it. she wants to be his girlfriend, but she doesn’t want to ask. wants him to ask. she tells her therapist as much, and then complains that she’s paying him bc she’s got daddy issues and trauma, not to hear about her high school drama.

but miraculously, he does ask her to be his gf. and then they’re dating, and it’s great. she spends more time at his apartment with his brother, less time alone in the big empty house just thinking about max and her hand in who he became. he and her therapist together convince her to start taking the meds, and it helps with some of her problems, but not all of them.

she forces herself to keep living, even when she doesn’t want to, because that’s what max (her best friend, the kid who was too scared tontry out for the musical, the asshole, the boy she knew better than herself, the adult she apparently hardly knew, the spector she could only half recognize) would want from her.

[aloneandunreal]

january 19, 23

3 months later and... she's back! i've thought about posting before this but either did not have the energy or did not think it was relevant enough to post (although most of the stuff i speak about on here isn't very relevant, anyway). but yeah. new year. 2023. i feel like the years keep going by and they are no longer starting to feel "real." i know that sounds dumb, but seriously. take a look at "2023" and tell me that sounds and looks like a real year. i don't know. ever since covid started, the years just haven't really felt like they used to. but maybe i'm just romanticizing it. i also am getting older, which is a hard pill to swallow. i know that sounds dramatic because i'm "only nineteen," but for whatever reason i feel so old. i can no longer really be a teenager or act like one because i am technically an adult. but i don't feel like one at all. i wish i did, but as always i am stuck in the past and don't want to grow up. reminiscing on my teenage years is so much easier than focusing on the future. it's not that i was doing much, or having a great time, and this is definitely rosy retrospection, but i felt like i had less adult responsibilities. turning twenty in 5 months makes everything feel so much more real. this is really my last few months of being a teen. i used to want to be around this age so bad when i was a teen, but it's quite honestly not all it's shaped out to be. i guess i always want what i don't have. and when i have something, i don't realize how much i'll miss it until it's gone. of course, i didn't peak in my teenage years. considering everything, i've been doing better mentally and socially while at college compared to high school, but as i said... it's more of a "i'm scared of being a real adult" thing.

not only that, but i also just feel that being a teenager after/during covid is not the same as it was before covid. if that makes sense. i always tell my mom i wish i was in college when she was. being in college now just isn't the same as it was 3-4 years ago. not that i would know, but just based on what i've seen and heard... nobody had the trauma of a 3+ year long pandemic. i also feel as if social media is a really big part of everyone's lives now. it always has been, but during covid, that was all we had. so now it's heavily used by... basically everyone. more specifically, tiktok. i feel like everyone cares about specific aesthetics rather than just being themselves. which i understand, sometimes i want to be a certain way, too, but i don't want to be put in a box. this is laughable to write out, but for example, coquette.

this is going to sound dumb, but covid changed so many things. people went into quarantine as young as 7th/8th grade and came out almost finished high school. it, along with dependence on social media and new trends etc, has really changed teenagers. they are so different compared to when i was a teen. which is of course expected, but it just makes me feel old. and it also makes me realize why some older folks complain about the younger generations (yes, even mine). we're annoying! to give one example that makes me especially annoyed, is concerts. concerts before covid were so different. this doesn't apply to all, but concerts used to feel like a little community. we all loved the same artist, and were seeing them live. but now, so many younger people just don't understand concert etiquette. that sounds really pretentious, but i can't help but think it. some artists i wish i had seen in concert before covid. because now it just won't be the same as it was. which is unfortunate. i'm sure this is worded very badly and i sound stupid and pompous, but nobody is looking at these posts or my blog so i don't really care. i keep telling myself this is my place to write my thoughts, knowing nobody will be seeing them but me. and i guess whoever on tumblr stumbles upon this account. ha.

nothing against teenagers nowadays. technically i still AM a teen. but it's just different. however, of course, as there is with all generations, there are similarities too. things that will never change no matter how many years go by. it's sort of comforting seeing it, if that makes any sense. it makes me have some hope. but not much. and of course, i'm a hypocrite talking about social media, tiktok, etc, because i use it. and have since i was very young. but i suppose this is just commentary on it as a whole, not necessarily a critique. i'm calling myself out, too. all i'm saying is that i wish things were more natural and organic; more carefree. people will say they're carefree but, truly, how can you be in this day and age? especially if you're between the ages of 18-25. social media can ruin lives and mental health. covid has impacted everyone on earth. making money and being able to survive is a huge worry. what about graduate school? the earth is dying. school loans, debt... the list goes on. of course some/all of these have always been issues, but i personally just don't think anyone can TRULY be carefree anymore.

i don't want to have to work my whole life to afford living. i want to enjoy life, have fun. it makes me wish i had done more with my teenage years. i still have time to "have fun" and "live my life", but soon i'll need to start worrying about grad school, jobs, internships, etc. i guess young me hadn't really thought about that.

i feel so melancholic thinking back on my younger self, what i was like, who i was friends with, experiences i had. of course, i've written about this before - it's a trend with me - but i can't help it. that's just who i am. i've even started looking back somewhat sentimentally on my senior year of high school, even though that was just two years ago. same with my freshman year of college. and, of course, way before that as well. i don't know why i do this. everyone's changing, including me, but i'm still semi-stuck in the past. i have one foot in adulthood, and one in teenagehood.

it's funny thinking about how i started this blog when i was sixteen, during covid, my junior year of high school that got cut short. how i was so afraid of turning seventeen, for whatever reason. well, guess what? you're turning twenty in 5 months. how's that make you feel, sixteen year old me? not great, i'm sure. i wish i could shake myself and tell her to stop being so afraid. but then again, in three or four years, i'm sure i'll be wanting to say the same thing to myself now.

i'm not totally unhappy/unsatisfied with my life at the moment, but i wouldn't say i'm doing great. if you couldn't tell with what i've been writing. i wish i wasn't so caught up in the past, so scared to move on. i wish i could just happily feel nostalgic about things instead of whatever... this is. i hate feeling a knot in my stomach thinking about old memories, both good and bad. still, it's a familiar sadness/nostalgia i've always had. but i just don't know how to let go of it. i want to be happy, have a happy, fun, fulfilling life. i want to be remembered and thought of fondly by others, and vice-versa. i want friends i'll have for a lifetime. but it feels impossible. i hope it's not.

i don't know what i have going for me; i don't know what's to come, and that is what scares me. i want to make the best of the time i have, but i can't when i'm so stuck in the past. like i've been my whole life. i can never live in the present. i'm either in the past or the future, almost never the present. i can't enjoy things normally. and, just as my teenage years, my 20s will be over at some point. i don't want to be 30+, looking back, and regretting all the time i've wasted. i'm scared of growing older, but i really just need to face the truth. there's no going back in time, and i'm not going to be young forever. but how? i still haven't fully learned, even after all of these years.

i guess that's all for now. a pretty anticlimactic way to end a journal, but it is what it is. i wonder if i'll ever have anything good to say on this blog, anything positive. i feel as if i only go on here to rant about nonsense and be sad. i don't think i've ever given a "happy" update. because, unfortunately, happiness is not easy to romanticize like sadness is. maybe one day i will. but for now, we're stuck with the sad, sentimental rants. these are supposed to be the best years of my life, but it doesn't fully feel like it.

while writing, i listened to:

playground love - air

bathroom girl - air

cemetery party - air

get free - lana del rey

bel air - lana del rey

in my head - bedroom

kids - MGMT

my kind of woman - mac demarco

[iamfitzwilliamdarcy]

Behated 2: Stuart Little?

YES i never liked that movie idk why, i don't even know anymore what happens in it (to the same point the Little Vampire should also go on the list bc that scared me as a child lmao)

Beloved:

Batman v Superman (My obvious favorite movie)

ZSJL (Sequel to my obvious favorite movie)

Sucker Punch (Only girl power movie on the list)

Cinderella 2015 (This movie was made at just the right time and i still can’t believe how it’s about forgiveness and fatherhood and LOVE)

The Outsiders (7th grade me never got over it)

Revenge of the Sith (Everything happens so much (rolling in the deep also plays quietly in the background as i weep) (franchise movie))

Dunkirk (Made me like Chris Nolan again)

My Big Fat Greek Wedding (Family romcom)

Bridesmaids (I’m a little embarrassed of how much i like this one (esp bc of the opening scene I always skip) but also? It’s funny and very good reflection on female relationships)

I didn’t see the original

How to Train Your Dragon (Father accepts son, son accepts responsibility what can be better)

You cry because it doesn’t actually end happy

Classic american

Richard II (Hollow Crown version) (Shakespeare royal)

Bend it like Beckham (Another mid 2000s romcom but this features Sports)

I’m very serious about this one but also it’s ridiculous

Clue (How did a game make such a quality movie?)

Excalibur (I use one quote from this movie like all the time)

This shouldn’t be that intense but it is is and it gave me anxiety

Father reconnecting with his children in Extremely Unlikely Way

Behated:

Watched this one time in undergrad trying to make friends and was terrified forever

Stuart Little (Childhood classic that i can’t remember beyond hating it)

Worse sequel than cursed child

The power went out immediately after i saw this movie for my 16th birthday and again I have never known peace

Ratatouille (Everyone loves this movie and I just do not (animated))

I spent a long time Thinking about this movie before deciding the Vibes were off

Beauty and the Beast 2017 (The vibes were off from the start and also that dress?)

Captain America: Civil War (Didn’t do it like Beloved #1)

We are the Millers Too Found Family, Too Vulgar

2001: Space Odyssey I watched this in community college astronomy class, idk now if i hated it because i didn’t want to be there or bc it was weird af

Extra Hints: There’s another Zack Snyder movie on here, there’s another Batman movie, the MC in Behated #1 has my name also, two movies on the behated list have a rodent in them, one movie is also about weed

[findingnemo19]

Because of Seaweed (Percabeth AU)

A percabeth AU fanfic. That I had originally made because my friend didn't believe my writing was good, and now he's refusing to read the damn thing. Oh well. You guys will read it. That's more than enough. And, Shout out to my friend, Isha. She helped me with the plot to this fic. For this (mortal) AU, Malcolm is 2 years younger than Annabeth. Annabeth and Malcolm are Athena and Fredrick’s kids. Summary: Annabeth froze. She’s heard the 8 words multiple times in a teasing voice from her brother and her friends. She’s replayed the time she’d meet her soulmate in her head multiple times in multiple different ways. But never had she thought her soulmate would manage to get seaweed on one of her favorite books.

Read on AO3

She matured early, according to her parents.

Since Annabeth was 8, she hated the idea of “soulmates”.  Why does she have to spend her life with someone? Why does she have to fall in love with someone? And why isn’t it her choice?

Of course, her parents tried explaining it to her, ( “It is your choice. The soulmate idea is like… telling the future.”) but she wouldn’t have any of it.

Unfortunately or fortunately, the fateful 10th birthday of Annabeth’s rolled around. Most people would wake up on their 10th birthday, immediately looking at the inside of their dominant hand wrist. Annabeth on the other hand avoided even letting that side of her right hand in her line of sight until her dad came back from work right before dinner.

Both her parents and her 8yo brother, Malcolm, were fed up with Annabeth delaying to look at the words her soulmate will tell her. Rolling her eyes at this, she turned her wrist over, “‘ You’re more worried about your book rather than yourself? ’” She recited the words slowly to herself, the bold cursive writing, murder on her dyslexic eyes. “‘ You’re more worried about your book rather than yourself?’ ” She spoke more clearly, looking up at her family around the dining table. “That’s what it says.”

Athena let a teasing smile across her face as Annabeth’s father and brother burst out in laughter. “Fitting. Very, very fitting.” Annabeth scowled at her mom, “Be quiet.” she grumbled. Stabbing her fork in her noodles she took a bite, stuffing her face with food.

->->->->->

She’s in middle school, and maybe she’s stopped absolutely loathing the soulmate idea. Not that she’s 100% ok with Fate deciding her relationship or anything. But maybe she didn’t hate it.

Plus, the 8th-grade halls are (oddly enough) filled with people asking each other out, and then arguing over the fact that “YOU’RE NOT MY SOULMATE.”

Apart from that, at least Annabeth has friends now. (Read: Piper, Frank, Hazel, and Reyna.) And thank whatever god is up there, her friends aren’t the annoying 8th graders fighting over soulmates in the hallways.

She’s happy and content. Apart from the assload of homework she gets, content. Content with her family, her friends, her classmates, and teachers-

(Ok maybe she wants to stab that “Caleb” guy in the eye with a very sharp pencil if he says anything about Annabeth being “a dumb blond” one more time. And her Science teacher. If he says “Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell” one more goddamned time-)

->->->->->

Annabeth unlocked the door to her house, wincing a little in reaction to the yelling between her parents from the inside. She shook her head, stepping inside, praying that her parents aren’t near the stairs so she wouldn’t have to face that. God must have decided to be nice to the blond-haired girl, because her parents were arguing in the living room, and couldn’t even see the staircase from there.

No. It’s not out of the ordinary for her parents to fight. They’ve been doing it almost every day now. However, Annabeth hasn’t been able to understand why they fight. But they do and it bothers her. Let a girl and her brother in high school get some rest, would you?

About an hour later, she was typing up an essay that she completely forgot about, that's due the next day, when there was a loud sound from downstairs, the sound of someone running up the wooden staircase, and a frantic knock on her bedroom door. Confused and slightly concerned, she said, “Come in!”

As the door opened, Annabeth pushed her chair back across the wooden floor, cringing at the sound. “Malcolm?” Annabeth stood up as her brother shut and locked the bedroom door behind him. “What happened?”

Malcolm rolled his eyes, sitting down gingerly on Annabeth’s (for once unmade) bed. “I went downstairs to ask mom a question about homework, started talking before getting down the stairs, and she threw a plate- I wouldn’t say at me but pretty much at me.”

Annabeth raised her eyebrows in shock. “That's- that’s new,” she muttered under her breath.

Her brother scoffed, “No shit, Sherlock.”

Annabeth chuckled with no humor, saving her word document before sitting down next to the blonde-haired boy. “You ok though?”

Malcolm rolled his eyes fondly, “Yeah I’m fine, Beth.”

“Good.” A beat of silence passed between them before, “You could’ve just asked me for help instead of going to mom.”

He pondered this, “I guess.”

Annabeth chuckled, flopping down back on her bed, covering her eyes with her arm, “I’m tired.”

Malcolm fell into an almost imitated position, staring up at the ceiling, “Of what?”

Annabeth sighed, “Everything. It’s so stressful. Homework, essays, finals coming up, college applications, our parents fighting practically 24-by-7. It’s just too much-” Her voice cracked and she silenced herself.

“Yeah, I get it. Ninth isn’t much easier. Oh god, I forgot to tell you. Remember Calissa? From middle school?”

Annabeth nodded, “Mhm. The middle school ‘Bitch Girl.’ Why?”

“She asked me out today.”

Annabeth took her arm off her eyes and sat up looking at her brother with an unreadable expression. “ What?”

“Whoa, whoa Annie. Don’t go all “protective older sister” on me. I’m 15, I can handle this stuff myself .” Malcolm sat up as well. “I told her I’d think about it.”

Annabeth raised her eyebrows, crossing her arms at her chest, “You’d think about it? Malcolm this is the same girl who bullied 75% of your middle school. Including you. Are you-”

“Beth. Breathe. I’ll say no. I just said that at the moment.”

Annabeth scoffed, getting up from the bed and walking to her desk. “You better say no.” Malcolm hummed in response, getting up from the bed and leaving the room.

The sound of a ceramic cup breaking made Annabeth flinch (don’t ask how she knows what it was. She’s a little clumsy ok?). She bit her lip, turning to face the half-closed door, “Malcolm?”

“Yeah?” her brother’s muffled voice answered.

“Work in my room.”

->->->->->

Annabeth loved reading at the beach. The light wind messing up her hair, the random, delicate spray of water refreshing her; it was calming, relaxing, soothing...As long as she was a solid 30 feet away from the surfers.

Yet today was a different day, for Annabeth had actually come down to the beach with her brother and Calissa. Turns out, Malcolm ended up saying yes to go out with Calissa because he hasn’t “actually dated anybody.” So great.

To get her mind off things, she had decided to bring a book down to the beach like she always did. Picking up “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows” for the 7th time in her life, she opened the book to where she left off.

She was engrossed in her book when she heard the loud splash before she felt the water.  Gasping, she stood up, facing a boy only slightly taller than her, maybe the same age. He had raven hair, which was splattered across his face from the ocean water. His eyes were a startling sea green color. Annabeth, with all the people she knew, had never come across someone with that color of green eyes.

Shaking her head slightly to get the seaweed out of her hair (and maybe that slight trance the guy in front of her left her in.) Picking up her book from the ground where it fell she winced, “What the hell!? You got seaweed on my book, damn it.”

She saw the guy in front of her rolling his eyes. “You care more about your book than yourself?”

Annabeth froze. She’s heard the 8 words multiple times in a teasing voice from her brother and her friends. She’s replayed the time she’d meet her soulmate in her head multiple times in multiple different ways. But never had she thought her soulmate would manage to get seaweed on one of her favorite books.

“Well shit.” She heard from in front of her.

Laughing humorlessly she ran her hand through her hair, “yeah shit.”

“Annie!” Annabeth looked over to her right, seeing her brother and Calissa walking over to them. “Found your soulmate?”

“Malcolm. Were you spying on me? You’re on a date, aren’t you?”

“We got bored.”

The raven-haired boy in front of her chuckled. “Annie.?”

“It’s a nickname.” She snapped. “That I will not allow you to call me.” Annabeth sighed, putting her hand out in front of her. “Annabeth Chase.”

The guy smiled, slipping his hand in Annabeth’s. “Percy Jackson.” Percy Jackson. Jackson. She recognized the name. Percy must’ve read her expression, for he laughed and said, “Yes, Sally Jackson’s son.”

Annabeth’s eyes widened, “Oh my god, her writing is beautiful. Her characters are so well written. The way she carries the series, oh my god it’s incredible!”

Percy laughed. From beside Annabeth, Malcolm gave Percy a look, “She's a little obsessed with Sally Jackson’s books.”

“A little?” Percy asked, teasing.

Annabeth glared at him, “Whatever.” My soulmate is Sally Jackson’s son. Oh my god.

Percy cleared his throat, “Uh. Sorry about the seaweed and everything. I lost control for a bit.”

Annabeth hummed absent-mindedly, wrinkling her nose in annoyance at the realization that her book was covered in saltwater and seaweed and she probably won't be able to save it. “Well, one of my favorite books is now soaked but I guess I’ll forgive you.” She then added, “But only because you're the son of one of my favorite authors.”

Percy laughed lightly, “Not surprising. All my friends love my mom more than me.” Percy reached his hand out and brushed off a piece of seaweed from Annabeth’s hair. Suddenly, it seemed like she forgot how to breathe. Annabeth saw Percy’s eyes search her face, his hand delicately resting on her cheek.

Too soon, Percy pulled back, and Annabeth wasn't sure why that bothered her. He glanced at the setting sun, “I should get going before my mom gets worried.”

Annabeth blinked, “Uh yeah, yeah ok.”

Percy smiled, turning, grabbing his surfboard from the ground, and yelled to some people in the distance, “Hey, Thalia! Jace, Neeks, we gotta go.”

“Don't call me that, Jackson!”

Annabeth smiled. “Hey, uh, Percy?”

Percy looked back at her, a smile still on his face, “Yeah?”

“Could I- Could I have your number?” Wincing, as she worried she might’ve stepped over a line.

Percy’s smile only grew, “Of course.”

->->->->->

She was happy. More than happy. In the past two years, a lot happened.

A few weeks after the beach incident, Annabeth had called Percy, asking to go out on a date, because, “we’re soulmates anyway, might as well.” He agreed. 2 weeks and 4 dates later, they had their first kiss. Under a street light that was already dying out, with a leaf or two, landing on Annabeth’s head, which Percy teased her about for weeks. ( “It was just a leaf Annabeth.” “We were kissing. Can you blame me for getting startled?” “No one’s blaming you. I’m just teasing you, Wise Girl.” “Yeah, I can tell, Seaweed Brain.” )

Oh and the nicknames. They’re stupid because they’re cliché. ( “But clichés are only clichés because they work, sweetie.” “Sure, Mrs. Jackson.” “Sally.” )

And Percy’s mother is a gem, and so is his half-sister, Estelle Blofis. Apparently, Percy’s parents are divorced, and Percy’s mother remarried, to an English teacher, Paul Blofis. Percy’s friends are great too. Thalia, Nico, and Annabeth immediately hit it off. Percy met Annabeth’s friends as well, at some point, and she found it cute how nervous he was.

Also, she got accepted to Queens College. And better yet, so did her boyfriend.

->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->->

Thanks for reading!!

[theonetheycallhannah]

The Treatment of Captain Syverson-Chapter Six: Sensory Integration 2

Pairing: Captain “Sy” Syverson x OFC (Shane Benton)

Summary: It’s a fine night for a walk by the water with a handsome vet holding your hand. I think that says it all.

Behind on your sessions? Want more from the author? Click Me

Word Count: Almost 1.9k (a bit shorter, hopefully y’all don’t mind by the end!)

Warnings: Basically still fluff, but also some saucy morsels near the end…not full on smut, though, so don’t get too excited. We aren’t there yet, my little lovelies. Soon, though…soon.

Author’s Note: As I said before, this date totally got away from me, nearing a whopping 6k in total. Thanks again for all the love. And in other news, I told a couple of my PT friends about this story, and one of them agreed to be my official technical consultant on the project for future chapters and even if I wanna flesh it out, modify it to include strictly “original” characters, and eventually take it to a publisher! I sent what I’ve done so far to her just before I started drafting this post, so hopefully she’ll have good insight for me! She said it was about time someone wrote a story like that! Lol! (She reads  a lot, so I guess people really don’t think of PTs as the heroines of love stories. Sad, really! Most of the ones I know are lovely and loving people!) The other was just instantly excited and can’t wait to read it.

Disclaimer: Unfortunately for me, Henry is not mine, le sigh, and all mention of him, his characters, any characters from his films, or his precious doggy, Kal, are strictly for transformative and recreational use. I neither ask for, nor accept payment for the work I post on Tumblr or AO3. Unbeta’d because this is for fun and escapism.

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Hope I’m not forgetting anyone! If you want to be notified when I post a new chapter or work, I’ll be happy to add you to my tag list! Stricken blogs are getting personal messages from me when a new chapter is uploaded because Tumblr’s faulty tagging system will not stand in the way of me delivering what the people want!(?) lol! (Although...their lackadaisical notification system might...sorry for that. I have no control. lol!)

The lake was fairly near her clinic, not two blocks away. He wasn't wrong about her feeling up to a walk when the time came. She was looking forward to the fresh night air near the lake. It was a deep-seated part of who she was to love the water.

He'd pulled into the small, empty gravel lot at the head of the paved walking trail. It was well dark since it had just turned 10:00, and the moonlight danced off the water, calm, but with a faint shimmer from the light breeze. The stars danced, winking at them as if they knew the romance that surged between the couple was burgeoning right here below them.

"Now, last time I walked this trail, I'll warn you…I got approached by a gang. And they were…pretty vicious. I had to resort to some guerilla tactics that I'm not too proud of to fend 'em off."

"Oh no!" she wasn't aware of any gang crime in their fairly peaceful city! "What kind of gang?"

"A goose gang." He looked at her gravely. Before they both burst out laughing in hysterics.

"I thought you were serious!" she wiped tears carefully from her eyes with the back of her hand.

"I was! They are stupid territorial! I had several of them tryin'a bite at my legs at once. It was quite the ordeal, I assure you!" he said, serious, but still laughing.

"Well, you'll save me if the Ya-Gooz-ah descend on us tonight, wont you?" she teased, clutching at his arm in mock fright at the thought of a band of Yakuza Geese being an actual thing, but thinking it was a great way to keep him touching her.

"As long as you stay real close to me, sunshine. I'll protect you from the devil himself." He kissed her on the top of the head, sealing the promise and warming her from the point of contact all the way to her toes.

As they traipsed along the pavement path, they talked about everything and nothing, the gentle night wind a whisper against their skin, which had been made slightly dewy from the walk and the humidity. They had made two laps around the small body of water when they came back around to one of several benches placed at intervals on the trail running its perimeter. Without breaking their conversation, she pointed to the nearest one, indicating her desire to sit, which he understood and lead them there.

“See, the problem I have with sports at that level, especially football is the harm I’ve witnessed it do to a kid’s body. We’ve treated athletes in high school and as early as 7th and 8th grade that the coaches are completely obsessed with getting them out on the field or court again. These kids are taking more impact than their bodies are ready for. They can’t miss a game, or even practice for therapy even if they’re just riding pine. And the parents are so laser focused on that potential college scholarship for that sport that they can’t see that if their child doesn’t get better, no scout is gonna want to dole out a free ride. Not to a broken-down athlete. Did you feel that kind of pressure when you were playing football? Because I don’t remember it at my school.” She went off a on bit of a tangent because she’d just been told by Heather before she left that her torn meniscus, Jason couldn’t get in for several weeks because of his practice and game schedule limiting his availability.  

“I mean, I felt pressure, I guess, but not outside of practice or the games. I’d hurt my knee my junior year early, same one we been workin’ on, and they just had me sit out a few weeks and work with a PT, but I don’t remember it being a problem to miss out on anything related to football if it was because of my health.” He sat down next to her on the fiberglass bench, which was molded to have the look of fine blonde wood, and put his arm around her shoulder. No pretense of the reach, no awkwardly sitting for a while beforehand, just continuing to touch her as he had been their whole walk.

She leaned into his shoulder, comfortably, as if they’d done this a thousand times and this wasn’t their first date. And continued their discussion.

“What has gotten into people these days? It’s like they’re not satisfied with anything. Nothing is ever enough for a single person on this good earth!” She sighed, frustrated by the neediness of people that seemed to come with her own job and projecting that on to the world…not that there wasn’t at least a measure of truth in it.

“Personally speaking, I think you’re wrong.”

“You don’t think that the world is full of dissatisfied Karens?” She laughed.

“Oh I do. But it’s not every person. You’re sitting next to one very content man right here.”

“Yeah?”

“Mmhmm.” He confirmed.

“Was it the steak, or the lobster mac?” She’d be fantasizing about them both until the next time they went there. Yeah, she was already thinking about “next time” and “they.” She was in trouble.

“Not to knock either, but I’m a hun’ert percent sure it was the company.” He pressed a kiss to her temple.

She smiled, nuzzling into him, feeling the downy softness of his shirt again and smelling his intoxicating cologne. She suddenly remembered a promise from their session.

“Oh, hey. I was gonna have a response for you…to your 'question' from earlier.” She said, mischief burning in her eyes. She kneeled up on the bench and turned his face to hers, brushing a hand against his impossibly soft beard before descending slowly in for a kiss.

It started sweet, a few languid, full pecks, then she parted her lips barely enough for her tongue to venture out to explore his full mouth. They were met after several attempts with a reciprocal openness from him. She dared, then to search him with her tongue. It was simply browsing now. Feeling no rush to complete its quest. Only a sense of the need for due diligence. She was surprised at the flavor she'd encountered. She hadn't seen him pop a mint, and she hadn't left his side all evening. He was sly. It was a sweet and strong taste. Wintergreen on steroids, with the mildest hint of vanilla. She wanted more. Of the flavor. Of him.

She let her tongue find his, knowing what would happen, somehow, even though they had never kissed like this before. Never when it wasn't rushed and needing to be…PG. Here in the dark of night, with no one but the celestial bodies as witnesses, they didn't have to worry about her job, or the public. The judgement of the outsider's gaze.

She knew, by instinct alone, that this would spark him into more than latent participation. And that's exactly why she did it. As previously stated, she was definitely an intentional beast when the occasion called and mood struck.

He did as she'd expected, his own tongue waking, beginning a playful dance with hers, exploring her mouth with more urgency and desire, pulling a ragged gasp from her lungs. She broke away to give some attention to his neck. She held him by the base of his head, thumb playfully brushing into his thick facial hair. A breathy moan that sounded very much like her name escaped his lips. This was the reaction she had been dying to get from him for so long. A surrendering bliss that only came from this kind of personal, intimate, and one-one connection. She'd gotten hints of it when she'd helped him stretch, when she heard those stifled groans he felt at the good hurt she brought him with her expert touch.

She bit his earlobe, and sealed her fate. He growled and pulled her up to his lap in an immodest straddle. Not that she cared in the empty dark. He seemed to need her lips back on his, desperate to find a purchase that would never present itself. The paradox of a kiss.

His hands roved over the back of her from neck to behind, very much favoring the latter. It was an odd sensation. Most of her experience with ass-grabbing had been less than pleasant. Either dirty old men had touched her without consent, or boyfriends had done essentially the same thing as a show of their dominance over her, also without her strictest consent. The way Sy held her was tender, exploratory, and…she couldn't help but think the word loving. "Love" wasn't a word they were ready to even bring up. But she thought he was showing it in his feather touch and hungry kiss.

The breeze was cool, and felt extra cold where she seemed to be warmest. Her position had her…very exposed to the elements, covered only by the fine layers of her underwear at some angles. She was suddenly very aware that they were on a precipice here. If they carried on much longer like this, she wasn't going to want to stop. She already didn't. And she was just out of practice enough to be unsure of where her point of no return was. Dammit. She broke away, in agony from it.

"Sy, I…I think …you should take me back." she stuttered.

"Okay." he pulled her back in for another kiss, pretending to misinterpret,which she indulged a moment but quickly escaped.

"No, sweetie." she chuckled. "You know what I mean."

"Or…I could bring you home with me." It was only a suggestion, but there was a plea in his eyes that pulled at her guts. He wanted her. And she wanted him. With every single cell in her body, she wanted every singe cell of his. But she truly felt that taking things slowly was the best option given the complexities of their situation.

"You don't know how badly I want to accept that invite, Sy." she rested her forehead on his. They were both breathless.

"It's just two little letters, sunshine. O. K. Easy as granny's peach pie."

"I'm terrible at pie crust." they laughed.

"Let's go." he said, helping her off his lap, and preparing to stand, but sitting back down immediately.

"What's wrong?" she asked, concerned. "Is it the knee? Did I hurt it?" she was already mad at herself, and at him a bit, if this indiscretion had caused him a setback…how ironic it would be!

"Nope, knee's great. Dandy."

"Did you get lightheaded?"

"No, but uhh…it's definitely SOME sort of blood flow issue. Gonna need a minute." he explained without explaining with a sheepish expression on his face…it hit her like a speeding bus.

"Ope." she looked to his lap without thinking, and immediately averted to the water again, as she sat beside him, hands clasped over the seat of the bench. His hand found hers, and covered it, asking to hold it, and getting its way.

"I had…the best time tonight, Shane." he told her, staring at the opposite bank where the maple, oak, and sycamore trees swayed to the tune of the gentle night's breeze.

"So did I, Sy."

"You free tomorrow?" he asked, hopefully.

"You tell me!" she replied…hopefully.

Up Next: Chapter Seven: Non-Productive Time

[soulwounds]

「    jensen ackles   ,   forty - one   ,   cis male  +  he/him    」              did  you  know    𝘋𝘌𝘈𝘕'𝘚    real  name  is    𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐍 𝐖𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑     ?!      around  the  island  they  seem  to  be  quite     loyal    ,  but  also     short tempered    ,  but  it  makes  sense  given  they  are  a     FIRE CHIEF     and  come  from     𝐒𝐔𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐀𝐋    .  you  can  hear   𝚁𝙰𝙼𝙱𝙻𝙴  𝙾𝙽   by  𝙻𝙴𝙳  𝚉𝙴𝙿𝙿𝙴𝙻𝙸𝙽   blasting  from  their  house ,  but  be  careful   !   they  can  be  agitated  as  nightmares  bring  back  memories  of  JACK  DEFEATING  CHUCK .    even  so ,  it’s  impossible  to  see    𝒇𝒓𝒆𝒄𝒌𝒍𝒆𝒔  𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒏𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒆𝒅  𝒃𝒚  𝒔𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒔  𝒂𝒄𝒓𝒐𝒔𝒔  𝒔𝒌𝒊𝒏,  𝒄𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈  𝒈𝒍𝒂𝒔𝒔  𝒃𝒆𝒏𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒉  𝒃𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒅𝒚  𝒌𝒏𝒖𝒄𝒌𝒍𝒆𝒔,  𝒕𝒉𝒆  𝒓𝒐𝒂𝒓  𝒕𝒐  𝒓𝒖𝒎𝒃𝒍𝒆  𝒕𝒐  𝒑𝒖𝒓𝒓  𝒐𝒇  𝒂𝒏  𝒆𝒏𝒈𝒊𝒏𝒆,  𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒅  𝒃𝒍𝒖𝒆  𝒋𝒆𝒂𝒏𝒔  𝒂𝒏𝒅  𝒇𝒍𝒂𝒏𝒏𝒆𝒍  𝒕𝒐𝒔𝒔𝒆𝒅  𝒂𝒄𝒓𝒐𝒔𝒔  𝒂  𝒃𝒆𝒅   and  not  think  about  them .  

hey  i’m  link ,  i’m  24 ,   &   i  never  learned  how  to  fucking  read .    VERY  excited  to  be  here  again .    i  work  a  lot  but  i’ll  be  on  as  often  as  i  can .   beyond  that  i  hope  you  all  enjoy  the  mess  of  characters  i  have  /  plan  to  have  here !    such  as  dean  here !    feel  free  to  message  me  on  here  or  on  discord  at  ANY  time  i  do  not  bite   &   get  excited  very  easily !

full name :     dean  henry  winchester . alises :   the  righteous  man .   the  sword  of  michael .   squirrel . age :   forty  one . gender & pronouns :   cis male ,  he / him . sexual & romantic orientation :    bisexual / biromantic . species :   human . identifying  marks :    multiple  scars  across  his  body .   some  looking  like  they  came  from  knives ,  others  from  guns .    his  memory  on  how  he  got  them  is  fuzzy .

𝐇𝐎𝐖  𝐇𝐀𝐒  𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑  𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑'𝐒  𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄  𝐁𝐄𝐄𝐍  𝐒𝐎 𝐅𝐀𝐑  ?

there  was  still  a  fire  at  the  winchester  house  when  dean  was  four  years  old .    an  accident  this  time .    an  electrical  fire .     a  normal  tragedy .     their  mom  was  still  lost  but  dean ,  holding  onto  the  bundle  that  was  his  little  brother ,  watched  as  the  fire  fighters  pulled  his  dad  from  the  flames .     sitting  with  them ,  brother  in  his  arms ,  while  they  consoled  him   &   let  him  wear  their  helmets  would  always  be  a  far  more  comforting  memory  to  dean  than  the  ones  his  father  gave  him  in  the  years  to  come .    john  winchester  became  distant .   negligent .    borderline  abusive .    dean  did  his  best  to  take  the  bulk  of  what  their  grief  drowned  father  put  on  them ,  trying  to  shield  sam ,   &   gave  a  lot  of  his  life  to  helping  raise  sam  where  john  fell  short .

when  he  was  a  late   teen  if  he  wasn’t  at  home  or  sneaking  out  for  a  smoke   &   some  girls ,   dean  worked  at  being  a  volunteer  firefighter .    it  was  something ,  he  thought ,  slightly  productive  to  do  with  his  life  as  it  was  already  obvious  to  him  that  he  wouldn’t  be  able  to  go  to  college  with  sam  still  needing  him  around .   at  age  eighteen ,  with  his  high  school  diploma  stating  he  graduated  with  average  grades ,  dean  officially  joined  the  fire  force  at  an  entry  level   &   began  saving  up  money  for  his  own  place .    a  place  away  from  his  father  but  close  enough  that  sam  could  use  it  to  get  away  at  any  time  as  well .

when  dean  was  twenty  the  place  ended  up  getting  more  cramped  than  expected .    dean  was  notorious  with  women   &   thought  himself  as  careful  but  clearly  not  as  careful  as  he  thought .    when  he  found  out  he  was  going  to  be  a  dad  he  initially  rejected  the  idea ,  wanting  nothing  to  do  with  the  child  out  of  fear  of  turning  into  his  father .    sam  was  the  one  who  talked  him  down  from  the  anxiety .   with  his  encouragement ,  dean  slowly  worked  to  learn  how  to  be  a  parent .   preparing  a  room .    reading  parenting  books .   anything .    it  came  as  a  shock  a  month  before  the  due  date  to  when  he  found  out  the  mother  was  backing  out  of  keeping  the  child .    she  had  been  the  one  initially  for  raising  it  at  first  but  suddenly  felt  she  couldn’t  do  it .    though  he’d  be  on  his  own ,  dean  had  steeled  himself  to  becoming  a  father  too  much  to  let  the  boy  to  go  up  for  adoption .    richard  samuel  winchester  was  born  march  7th   &   dean  took  full  custody  as  his  sole  guardian .    he  kept  in  touch  with  richie’s  mother  still ,  who  went  on  to  study  psychology  outside  aurora .

being  a  single  father  was  far  from  easy  but  dean  managed ,  always  taking  help  where  he  could  from  his  brother  or  from  friends .    one  friend  even  got  closer  than  others .    when  richie  was  nearing  two  years  old ,  dean  started  seeing   ( REDACTED )   &   the  casual  feeling  of  the  affair  wasn’t  there  for  long .    things  blossomed  into  something  serious   &   when  it  was  discovered  she  was  pregnant ,  this  time  dean  was  far  more  sure  about  things  than  when  he  was  twenty .     the  wedding  was  small    &   around  nine  months  later  dean  became  a  father  of  two  as  maxine  joined  the  winchester  family .    or  max ,  as  was  preferred .

for  a  few  years  this  seemed  the  perfect  arrangement .    dean  worked  up  through  the  ranks  at  the  station ,  setting  himself  up  to  be  the  new  fire  chief  one  day ,    &   raised  his  kids  happily  with  his  wife .    but  perfect  sometimes  doesn’t  last  long .    their  relationship ,  after  all ,  had  been  a  rushed  one .    after  around  eight  years ,  things  simply  didn’t  have  the  same  spark  as  they  used  to .     the  divorce  wasn’t  nasty ,  they  knew  it  was  a  mutual  thing ,  but  it  still  stung .     he  left  the  court  as  a  single  father  again ,  now  with  joint  custody  of  his  daughter .

at  fourty  one ,  years  later ,  he’s  gotten  well  back  on  his  feet .    no  serious  relationships  seem  to  stick  but  at  work  he’s  finally  gotten  fire  chief .    he  misses  being  in  the  middle  of  the  action  sometimes ,  but  he  loves  his  job  nonetheless .     if  not  at  work  he’s  visiting  his  brother ,  the  bar ,  fixing  his  car ,  or  dedicating  time  to  his  kids .    

𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓  𝐖𝐀 𝐒  𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑  𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑'𝐒  𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐒𝐓  𝐍𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐄  𝐀𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐓  ?

a  blonde  girl  with  a  sickening  grin .     (  but  he  can  see  beyond  that .   she’s  gruesome .   horrific .   a  monster  made  only  for  the  worst  nightmares  with  two  pure  white  eyes  )    she  reaches  for  the  door    &    her  voice  is  as  sickly  sweet  as  a  child’s .     sic  ‘em ,  boy .     what’s  behind  the  door  rivals  her  for  terror .    a  black  beast  of  a  dog  .    red  eyes    &   snarling  teeth .   blood  staining  its   muzzle   &   paws .    one  breath  blows  away  the  protective  herbs .     &   then  dean  is  helpless  as  it  rips  into  him .    his  leg  first .   his  arm .   his  side .   though  the  worst  of  it  all  is  hearing  sam’s  begging  for  it  to  stop .    but  it  won’t .   it  can’t .     &   WHO’S  FAULT  IS  THAT ,  DEAN  WINCHESTER ?    dean  wakes  up  when   the  dog  rips  his  chest  to  ribbons ,  clawing  into  his  heart .    his  hand  goes  to  his  chest   ---   there’s  nothing  there .

after  fitfully  falling  back  asleep ,  his  mind  plays  the  aftermath .    it’s  dark   &   he  can  feel  pain .    pain  in  his  shoulder .   in  his  side .   in  his  head .    it’s  ripping  him ,  pulling  him .    two  hooks  in  his  torso   &   chains  around  each  wrist   &   ankle  suspend  him  from  nothing  in  an  endless  thunder  cloud .   the  only  time  he  can  see  is  when  lightening  flashes .    there’s  blood  coming  over  his  lip .    it’s  pain  like  he’s  never  felt  before .    it’s  fear  like  he’s  never  felt  before .         SOMEBODY  HELP  ME !      a  desperate  call .     SAM !      when  he  wakes  up  in  cold  sweat  this  time ,  he  doesn’t  go  back  to  sleep .

(   one  nightmare  in  two  parts .   dean  had  dreams  of  the  end  of  season  3  where  he  is  dragged  to  hell .   both  of  the  dragging   &   of  his  first  moments  in  hell  as  well .   )

𝐇𝐎𝐖  𝐀𝐑𝐄  𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐘  𝐅𝐄𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆  𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇  𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐈𝐑  𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐒𝐓  𝐅𝐄𝐖  𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒  ?

he  tries  not  to  think  of  them .   tries  to  believe  they’re  just  dreams  because  the  alternative  is  so  much  worse  to  consider .    at  the  same  time ,  though ,  as  he  starts  to  see  the  things  that  go  bump  in  the  night  as  more  real ,  he  feels  the  urge  to  go  to  his  roots  if  only  to  protect  the  family  he  has  here .    a  fake  life  or  not ,  those  he  knows  in  aurora  are  still  real  enough  to  him .

𝐀𝐍𝐘𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆  𝐄𝐋𝐒𝐄 ?

father  to  RICHIE   &   MAX  .    he  will  absolutely  go  off  on  you  if  you  are  mean  to  his  kids .    yes ,  this  includes  other  kids  who  bully  his  kids .   he  doesn’t  care  he’ll  yell  at  you  for  being  an  asshole  no  matter  your  age .   absolutely  no  one  messes  with  his  kids .

still  has  the  impala  here .    can’t  have  dean  without  his  car . 

while  he  is  the  fire  chief ,  fixing  cars  is  a  huge  hobby  of  his .    if  he  didn’t  love  his  job ,  he  would  absolutely  leave  it  to  work  as  a  mechanic  at  the  local  garage .

while  he  mostly  works  on  his  car  himself ,  he  still  brings  his  car  to  the  garage  a  few  times  a  year  for  things  that  his  own  garage  doesn’t  have  the  tools  for .   they  know  him  there  from  his  recognizable  car .

his  father  has  been  alive  for  sometime  but  he’s  recently  found  out  he  died  from  a  stroke  in  his  sleep .   dean  is  stuck  between  the  duty  of  giving  his  father  a  proper  funeral   &   his  own  bitterness  at  the  man  for  how  he  treated  him   &   sam .     this  is  only  worsened  by  the  memories  of  john  that  will  come  back .

he  is  bisexual !    because  i’ve  watched  this  show   &   have  eyes !    i  know !    is  he  repressed   a  lot   &   hasn’t  exactly  had  an  offical  coming  out ?    also  yes !    doesn’t  mean  he  HASN’T  made  out   &   gotten  with  a  guy  or  two  in  the  past .   just  means  he  never  felt  like  he  could  say  anything  about  it  all  growing  up   &   now  just  figures  it’s  too  late .

uuuuuuuuuuuuh   anyway .    i’ll  add  to  this  more  if  i  think  of  more .

𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 .

SAM  WINCHESTER    -    younger  brother .    simultaneously  a  pain  in  his  ass   &   his  best  friend .     practically  raised  sam  but  is  still  his  brother  at  the  end  of  the  day .    they  annoy  each  other   &   love  each  other .    very  happy  his  kids  have  such  a  cool  uncle .

RICHIE  TOZIER  WINCHESTER    -   son .    absolutely  is  dean’s  “little  weirdo”   &   dean  will  say  that  in  the  most  affectionate  way  possible .    he’s  always  trying  encourage  rich   &   that  means  enduring  richie’s  terrible  impressions  then  pretending  they  were  incredible .   he  has ,  in  dean’s  opinion ,  improved  with  that .   his  jokes  genuinely  make  dean  laugh .   he  thinks  richie  is  hilarious .

MAXINE  “ MAX ”   MAYFIELD  WINCHESTER   -   daughter .    he  would  do  anything  for  max ,  literally  she  has  him  tied  around  her  finger .   if  the  principle  called  that  she  got  into  a  fight  he  immediately  asked  if  she  won .   but ,  once  back  home ,  he’d  try  to  be  responsible   &   tell  them  that  fights  maybe  aren’t  the  best  idea .   will  listen  to  taylor  swift  for  them .   secretly  enjoys  it .

EDDIE  KASPBRAK    -    son  figure .    absolutely  will  look  out  for  eddie  as  if  he  were  his  own  kid .    however , the  boy’s  mother  was  someone  he  got  into  shouting  matches  often  with  which  probably  didn’t  bode  well  for  the  future  of  eddie   &   richie’s  friendship .    in  dean’s  opinion ,  though ,  the  kid  needs  a  lot  more  living .   even  if  richie  &  eddie  had  a  falling  out ,  dean  would  still  be  there  for  the  kid  if  he  asked .

ASH  WILLIAMS    -    close  friend .     they  initially  met  when  dean  was  around  eighteen  in  a  bar  that  he  had  used  a  fake  ID  to  get  into .   though  they  ended  up  on  opposite  ends  of  the  bar  fight  that  broke  out ,  they  later  ended  up  buddying  up  in  jail  while  waiting  for  bail .    since  then ,  the  two  have  remained  quite  the  chaotic  duo .

SIRIUS  BLACK    -    acquaintance .    works  at  the  garage   &   dean  trusts  him  with  the  impala .    sometimes  sirius  stares  at  him  for  a  bit  too  long  but  dean  doesn’t  question  it .

JYN  ERSO   -   acquaintance .     also  works  at  the  garage !    lets  dean  borrow  tools  sometimes   &   he  appreciates  that  a  lot .

𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃  𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 .

EX - WIFE    -    someone  to  be  max’s  mother .    can  be  around  39   -  43 .    marriage  was  ended  mutually   &   they’re  on  good  terms  now .     has  joint  custody .    

[woo-san-shine]

Our Way

ateez college au 

Premise: You and your best friend from high school move away to a university 3 hours away from your small hometown. You find yourself meeting a strange cast of characters along the way that will help you find your way throughout your freshman year.    

Word Count: 2k (sorry) 

Warnings: slight language, but this is pretty tame 

Author’s Note: A work in progress!!! Mostly just for fun   

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Chapter 1

You thought this day was never going to come. You had been anxiously waiting for this day for the past four years. You could hardly believe that you had made it this far. Moving away to college is a big step in any young adult's life, and you were more than ready to take this next step with a running start.

It's not like you had a horrible high school experience or anything. I mean, yeah, there were times here and there that you'd rather not think about. But as you watched the bright August sunlight beam down over surrounding trees that lined the highway, you couldn't help but feel a slight thrill begin to rise in your chest.

"How much longer until we're there, Dad?"

"About 15 more minutes, Jae. Give or take the amount of traffic there is going to be once we actually get near the university. I'm sure it's going to be packed with everyone moving in today."

"It's all apart of the experience!" Mom chimed in. "Here, let's take another picture"

"Mom, really?" I say reluctantly as I lean my head forward amidst the many boxes that filled the entirety of the backseat of the car except for where I was sitting.

"I'm your mother, and you'll do this for me," she says between clenched teeth already formed into a wide smile. She holds up her arm high in front of her so she can get both me in the backseat and my dad in the driver's seat in the frame of her phone and snaps a picture.

"Did it take?"

"Yeah Mom," I say rolling my eyes. She was still adjusting to her new smartphone that Dad had upgraded her to for the sole purpose of being able to facetime me while I was at school. Dad and I exchange a quick glance in the rearview mirror and both suppress a laugh.

"Have you heard from Sooyoung?" Dad asks looking back at me in the rearview mirror again. "Are they going to get there around the same time we will?"

"I'll text her, hang on," I say pulling my phone from the waistband of my shorts.

Choi Sooyoung had been my best friend for almost eight years. We met when I transferred schools in the 4th grade. She came up to me when I was sitting alone at a lunch table on my first day and said "Hey, you're the new girl, do you want to hear about this new game I've been playing online?" She immediately sat down and told me every detail of this new RPG she had been playing nonstop for the remainder of the lunch period and hasn't stopped talking my ear off since. We found out we liked a lot of the same books, listened to the same emo pop-punk music that was honestly way too mature for our 4th-grade selves to be listening to, and vowed from that day onward to stay best friends. We joined the school band together, were on the same school sports teams, and spent almost every historic high school coming-of-age moment together. Throughout the years we did at times drift apart due to various reasons. Whether it be boyfriends, extracurriculars, or summer jobs. Eventually, we'd always find our way back to each other whenever we needed the other most.

So when senior year finally rolled around, we decided not to tell each other where we had applied to college in order to not influence the other's decision. As fate may have it, we ended up both applying to and getting into our top choice school, a school three hours away from our small hometown that was well-known for each of the programs we were interested in. Sooyoung had gotten a rather large scholarship through the school's Engineering program, and I had been admitted into the school's Arts programs with an intended degree in Graphic Design.  

"Are you sure you and Sooyoung are going to be okay this year?" Mom says swiveling around in her seat to look at me in the back. "High school is one thing, but living together is completely different. Are you sure you won't regret not branching out and rooming with someone else? Might have been a great opportunity to meet new people."

"Oh, I think they'll be fine, sweetpea," Dad says placing a comforting had on my mother's knee.

"Yeah," I say looking up from my phone. "I mean, we're going to have completely different class schedules so we'll rarely see each other unless we both happen to be in the dorm."

"I just hope you both do well this first year," she sighs.

"There will be other opportunities to meet new people and do well in school, mom," I say as I type out my message to Sooyoung.

An almost immediate response.

I relay this information to my parents, but before I can finish my mom squeals, "Look! There's the university sign, right there!"

I press my face against the car window and see the large, ornate gateway adorned with the university crest in the middle that welcomed you onto the school's main road. Various ‘Welcome Freshman!’ and ‘Check-In This Way!’ signs were guiding the line of cars that were beginning to pile up.

"Dunby Hall, right Jae?" Dad says scanning the signs for the correct residence hall while slowly inching the car forward as the line moves.

"Yeah, that's it," I say distractedly as I take in my new home. Being one of the largest universities in our country, I can barely take in the vastness of this new place through just the car window. Each building was unique, with both old and modern architecture seamlessly incorporated in-between tall trees and brick roads. We passed a large, almost pool-sized fountain in what I assumed to be the middle of the university. There were people everywhere. Students, parents, and people in bright red t-shirts with "move-in staff" written on the back.

"Well, it looks like this is it!" Dad says excitedly as he pulls the car up to a rather tall brick building with large windows on all sides.

"Wow, Jae!" Mom says looking back at me with a huge smile. "Why don't you hop out here while we find a place to park and get yourself registered."

I eagerly tumble out of the car, making sure no boxes come out with me, and make my way over to the check-in line. As I wait my turn, I can hear the excited chatting of students and parents waiting ahead of me and the squeaking wheels of the carts being used to carry new student's belongings up to their rooms.

"Hello first-year student!!!" an overly excited girl wearing one of those red shirts practically shouts at me as I approach the check-in table labeled with the letters ‘K - L’. "Welcome to Dunby Hall! Can I get your name please?"

"Kim Jaemin."

"Ahhh another Kim, what a surprise," she says, with a slight grimace as she begins to rifle through some foulders.

"Well, I mean you are at the 'K' table, can't be too much of a shock," I say before I can stop myself.

The girl stops her search and looks up at me. "Wow we got a funny one here today folks," she says. One of her eyes gives a slight twitch.

I give her a slightly apologetic smile. It must be tiring dealing with all these new students all day, and me being a smart-ass probably didn't help. Dad says I get my sense of humor from my Mom, which is probably why he has a full head of grey hair dealing with the both of us for all these years.

"Alrightly Jaemin," the girl says after a few more seconds of rifling. "Here is your room key, and a folder of all the information you need to know about living in Dunby Hall. You are on the 7th floor, room 71024. You can now start bringing all your belongings from your car and begin setting up your dorm. If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask." She says all this very fast, hands me my things, and begins to usher me aside to help the next person in line.

I hurriedly make my way over to my parents who were both standing next to the opened trunk of our car. "7th floor!!! Let's get moving!" I say excitedly waving my new room key in the air.

"YAY JAE!" Mom exclaims bringing me in for a tight hug.

"Before we start celebrating we should find one of those carts. There's no way we can carry all these boxes ourselves," Dad says and he begins to scan the area for a cart.

After a few minutes of searching, we can't find a cart anywhere.

"They must all be in use, I guess," Mom says as we head back to the parked car.

"I mean, we could start making some trips with whatever we can carry," I say.

"It might take a while, but I guess that's all we can do," Dad says wiping the sweat off his brow. "Plus we need someone to stay here with the car until all your stuff is all out."

It was rather hot outside even though it was still early in the morning. I could probably lift at least one box at a time, maybe two. But with how much stuff I had managed to fit in this car it probably would take all day.

"Excuse me, but do you all need any help?" a voice asks from behind me.

I turn around, expecting to see another red-shirt-clad student worker eager to help, but instead, I am met by a boy with thick brown hair with big brown eyes looking at me.

I stare back at him, slightly dumbfounded.  He wasn't super tall, but he was built like a wrestler.  You could see the outlines of his arm and shoulder muscles through his black t-shirt.

"Oh my, would do that for us, honey?" my Mom cooed from over by the trunk of the car.  Ever so trusting was my mother as she stepped forward to get a better look at the stranger.

"And who might you be?" my Dad sternly asked, also stepping forward to stand intimidatingly next to me.

"I'm Jongho, sir," the boy said as he bowed to my Father.  "Choi Jongho, miss," he said again bowing to my Mother.  "I live in this dorm too, 7th floor.  I'm actually all moved in and was walking back down here to return my cart when I saw you all looking for one, so I figured I could give you this one," he said gesturing to the cart that I hadn't even noticed was next to him because I was too busy staring at his muscles.

"Awww he called me miss," my Mother whispered in my ear with before moving forward past me to address him.  "Well would you look at that, our Jae is on the 7th floor as well!  You'd be doing us a big favor, Jongho."

"I suppose if it's not too much trouble" my dad added, still giving Jungho the once over.

"Of course not, sir," Jongho replied.

"Well let's start loading the cart and go from there," Dad says, in full business mode.  Both Dad and Jongho start loading various boxes and bins from the trunk onto the cart while Mom and I grab items from the backseat we can carry ourselves.

"Seems like such a nice boy," Mom says just out of earshot of my Dad and Jongho.  "Not all boys would offer to help."

"Uh, yeah Mom I guess," I say grabbing the last item, my guitar case, from the car and slinging it over my shoulder.  I hadn't had many male friends back in high school.  That was more of Sooyoung's thing.  She usually got along better with guys, except for you of course.

"Well, that's all we can fit in the cart," Dad says crossing his arms.  There are still three boxes left in the trunk.  "I guess we'll have to make a second trip after all."

"Oh don't worry, I can carry those," Jongho says, pushing his bangs out of his eyes.  He quickly piles the three boxes onto the ground one on top of the other, squats down, and lifts them effortlessly.

"Wow," Dad says with a raise of an eyebrow.  "I guess, we're all set."  He closes the trunk and starts pushing the cart forward.

"Lead the way, you two!" Mom exclaims, pointing towards the dorm building with her free hand while giving Jongho and I a big smile.

next

[tkwolf45]

2, 4, 11 and 20 for the LGBT ask game, please!

OHHHHHH Thank you! I wasn’t expecting an ask for this and I got really excited! I hope this isn’t too long, but thank you! 

2. How did you discover your sexuality, tell your story? 

Ohhh man, I thought I was confused from around 7th or 8th grade and on, when most of my peers suddenly became obsessed with the opposite gender and “sleeping” with each other. And I started to think I was broken at the beginning of high school, because I was just not interested in other people! At least, not like that. I found it hard to even go into a romantic relationship with others, since I also struggled to connect with people on that level. 

It wasn’t until my second year of college that I learned the terms I now identify with. I don’t feel attracted to people at a first glance, and so far nobody’s given me enough time to develop an attraction to them. So instead of explaining my experiences of being demi-sexual/romantic and trying to explain that these attractions are non-gender-specific, I’ve been sticking with the broader umbrella of ace/aro-spec and emphasizing the spectrum of it!  

4. Who was the first person you told, how did they react? 

I don’t know if they’d want to be tagged, but the first person I told was basically like, “Dude. Same.” It was kind of hilarious to me, because I was super stressed out about it and I’d had multiple breakdowns, only coming back with the thought of “I’m not broken because there are others like me”, and their response was essentially, “Yup, here’s one right now!” 

11. Do you experience dysphoria? If so, how does that affect you? 

YES. I identify comfortably as genderfluid (preferring they/them over s/he). I try to keep my wardrobe as neutral as possible. I’ve started to wear men’s jeans (literally, they fit SO much better on me, AND I can shove my entire hand up to the wrist into each pocket! I can literally carry my purse in my pockets! And I have!) and I try wearing shirts that mask my (thankfully) small chest. For the most part, I’m neutral about my body and most mistake me for a tomboy, but the few days where I absolutely despise my chest, or the length of my hair, or the lack of visible muscles or whatever makes me want to stay in bed and wait until tomorrow. 

20. Your favorite lgbt+ movie or show? 

I know it isn’t strictly an lgbt+ movie/show, but I absolutely adore Klaus from The Umbrella Academy. I felt more connected with him (and with Vanya) than the rest of the family. (I can’t claim a connection with Ben yet since there’s less known about him than the others, but I already like him too). 

[samblogz]

GATE 2019 Preparation and Experience

Having scored AIR 56 in GATE 2019, a lot of people asked me how I prepared for GATE so this is the reason why I decided to write this post. I have explained in great detail the work I did. I have also discussed the problems I faced and how I solved these problems. Everyone will make mistakes and everyone will have some unique problems. But figuring out the solutions to these problems is part of the preparation. So don't give up and keep on working. 

The two most important resources for me were GateOverflow and RavindraBabu Ravula (RVB). I am very thankful to both of them.

During my third or fourth semester, I learned about RVB through my friends while I was preparing for a test. I got to know about GATE through him (specifically through this video - "After BTech, MS or MTech or MBA or a job??"). I started thinking about the long term options I had and GATE seemed like a good option.

Growing up I never studied for getting good grades. I always studied to learn. While studying anything I just had one goal - To understand the concept clearly enough so that I could at least explain the concept to anyone. I always got good grades but I missed something, the feeling one gets while working hard. I never thought I gave anything my 100 percent. My thoughts were very nihilistic.

I thought about the 10,000-hour rule and to be a master I had to dedicate years. I knew I needed to focus, I needed to learn working hard and for that I needed to practice sitting for long hours. So in my fifth semester, I started studying for lengthy periods of time. Even if I was not studying I would sit on the chair and table in my hostel room. I watched movies sitting on the chair. No sitting on beds for me since. I used bed only for sleeping. After one year I was more comfortable sitting on the chair than anywhere else. I bought RVB's video package for GATE and started making notes. It was a slow process. I made most of my notes in my third year besides a few subjects. 

My college required me to have an internship for 8th semester, otherwise, I would have to stay in the college and do a project under some professor. In 7th semester, companies came to my college. I knew I studied my subjects well and was decent coder so I didn't work on the technical skills. I continued working for GATE and was making notes even at this time. To get a job offer or an internship I worked on quantitative aptitude, group discussion and my interview skills. I was pretty confident I would get an offer and I needed the offer just so I could decide after 8th semester what I wanted to do, either to pursue GATE or to continue with the job. I knew my preparation wasn't enough to crack GATE that year i.e. GATE 2018. For me cracking GATE meant to get into IISc or IIT-B, anything other than that would be failing. I got an internship at a start-up called 'HealthKart' which is based in Gurgaon.

I continued studying for GATE before I got to Gurgaon but once I was there I didn't have time to study. I hadn't attempted any mock test till then nor did I solve any previous year GATE question but I still attempted GATE 2018 and got a rank of around 6,000. I knew I could do better. I started thinking about what I should do going forward. I thought about what I would like my career to be and what options can I pursue. Thinking about these things proved very productive for me. As I would take a year to prepare for GATE, I knew I would get bored at some point of time and I would need something to continue pushing forward. Any GATE aspirant or any student who is preparing for an exam should have a very clear goal.

I was doing great at my internship and I was sure to get a job offer. But 2 or 3 years down the line, I knew I would need some higher qualification. I decided I wanted to crack GATE. But cracking GATE wasn't my only objective, I wanted to learn how to focus and I wanted to do it for a year. Failing at GATE wouldn't be a problem if only I could learn how to focus.

I left the internship around 20th June 2018 and headed to my home in Ujjain (Madhya Pradesh). I completed notes for some subjects - Database Management System, Digital Logic and Design, Computer Network, Computer Organization and Architecture. This took me around two months.

After that, I started practicing previous year questions. Before starting with the previous year questions I would study a subject once from my notes, this took me 2-3 days. My notes were very detailed. Then I started solving the questions. Starting out, this was very tough for me. I never prepared seriously for JEE so I had no experience preparing for a competitive exam.

After I read the subject, I would think how difficult would it be to solve these questions. I would be able to solve 50% of the questions correctly. For the remaining questions either I wouldn't understand a question or I would do some silly mistake or I would forget the information needed to solve the question. Another unusual thing happened, starting out I thought that in one sitting I should easily be able to solve 150 questions. But in reality, I could do only 30 questions in the whole day.

When I was not able to solve questions that was failure for me and I didn't know how to deal with failure. With each question I failed to solve was a slap on my face. I was close to giving up.

Then something nice happened. I was solving questions from a book which was compiled by MadeEasy. In this book, the questions were first sorted according to the subject and then according to the topic. For each question, the answer was given along with an explanation. Sometimes I wouldn't understand the explanation or sometimes I wouldn't agree with the given answer. I would search the question on Google and would check various answers. This is the time I discovered GateOverflow. I would see a great community where people would solve the question using multiple approaches. If I had some doubt with the given answer, I saw the comments on that answer and I would find someone who had the same doubt, I would read other users' response and this would clear my doubts. If my doubt wasn't already asked, I would raise a question and eventually someone would resolve my query.

A lot of answers in this MadeEasy books were incorrect. I thought who are the guys who answered these questions. They are definitely the teachers at MadeEasy. They have taught these subjects for years but still they made so many mistakes, so it is very trivial that I too will make mistakes. I knew if I was going to continue solving these questions I will meet failure daily and it is good to make mistakes because if I made mistakes now I won't make these mistakes in exam. From then on, each day I would wake up ready to fail and at the end of each day I tire myself wrestling with failure. Now failure was a very good friend of mine. Once I was ready to accept failure, the number of questions I solved increased over time. (By the way, if someone from MadeEasy wants to correct the wrong solutions, then I have marked all the questions with incorrect answers in their collection of previous year questions.)

I developed the following system to solve questions and clear my concepts. I would solve the questions on one topic, then I would mark them right or wrong according to the given answers. Then I would read the questions I solved once again, if I had some doubt in the question or if my answer was incorrect, I would search the question on 'GATE Overflow' (or 'GeeksForGeeks' in some cases) and would clear my doubts. This went on till the beginning of November 2018.

I read somewhere that to get AIR-1 in GATE one should solve previous year questions two times at least, but I didn't have time for that so I tried to absorb the concepts completely the first time.

While solving questions during this time I also used to revise subjects. Whenever I got bored with solving the questions in one subject, I would start revising some other subject. I did this so as not to waste time. When we are bored with something, we take longer to perform that task. Then later after I finished the other subject's or topic's revision, I would get back to the previous subject. I revised according to the strategy given by RVB ("How to revise and remember the topics for long!!"). After I finished solving previous year questions I would still need a day to revise the whole subject, earlier I thought this time would reduce to 2-3 hours but it didn't. This would be a problem according to my plan. I had planned that in January when I will be taking full-length test I would revise one or two subjects each day. Since I was taking a day or a day and a half to revise a subject completely, this plan won't work. Then again something nice happened.

One night I was sleepless. In the last 4 days I had completed the subject revision of Algorithms, C & Data Structures and Theory of Computation. And in these 4 days I was worried that I may not have the time to revise these subjects once again as I hadn't attempted any topic test, subject test, multi-subject test and full-length test and I had to solve them too. So I worked extra slowly trying to stuff these concepts in my mind. Remembering things isn't my strong suit and the tension that I won't be able to revise kept me from sleeping that night. I had an idea. I had tried studied these subjects very carefully this time, observing the arrangement of topics within my notes. If I could remember the name of the topic and its order, then I would able to remember the things I learned from the notes. So I did a mental revision. It took me two hours. But in these two hours while laying on my bed I revised 3 subjects completely and the types of questions asked from each topic. While doing this mental revision I identified the topics which I had learned completely and the topics where I was missing something.

I knew I was onto something. I hadn't prepared any short notes and I didn't have the time to prepare short notes. I decided to prepare short notes but in my way. For each subject, I started with a single topic. I would read the topic, if I knew everything in the topic I would just write the topic name in one line. If I knew I couldn't remember something then in-short I would write contents of this topic or just create a diagram to capture this concept completely. I did this for all my subjects and this took me one and a half months approximately.

Preparing for Mathematics was a different game altogether. I knew I didn't have grasp over all the concepts needed to solve the questions. I knew I didn't have the time to do it in the way I wanted. And I was doubtful whether I would be able to remember these concepts. Scoring in Mathematics was never difficult for me but when I prepared for Mathematics earlier it was in a very different fashion. This is the kind of problem most students face in India. I knew I had to handle this differently starting now. I wanted to pursue Machine Learning (ML) during my M.Tech and for those of you who don't know ML is a dwarf which stands on the shoulders Mathematics and modeling. I knew I had start visualizing Mathematics as I will need it in the future and I will need it to understand and solve questions faster in GATE.

I was scared what kind of questions will I get in Calculus and how will I be able to remember all the formulae in it. Then I did some research, talked to a few friends in other departments. I found out that in GATE CSE the focus wasn't much on difficult questions in Calculus. It focused more on discrete mathematics - set theory, linear algebra, probability - and somewhat on graph theory. To clear my concepts I learned some things from Khan Academy. For Mathematical Logic, Combinatorics and Probability I saw the complete playlist from PacketPrep on Youtube. For combinatorics, TrevTutor helped me. All this was in addition to RVB content.

I joined the GATExcel test series by RVB. I started giving topical tests around 13th November 2018. I had to make up for less time. I gave multiple tests a day. After topical tests and some other tests, I made short notes that I described earlier. During my preparation I didn't solve any question from GATE 2018, so after I was done preparing I took GATE 2018 full-length test. I performed terribly. That is when I realized I had to start giving full-length tests. I needed to learn managing time in the paper. Before this I was just postponing the full-length tests. So I started giving full-length tests around 20th January 2019. Apart from RVB's tests, I also gave full-length tests by mentors on GateOverflow. With each test, I could feel the improvement.

Eventually, I took GATE 2019. Even on the day of exam I made a mistake. I had problem understanding a NAT question so I left it for the end. In the last two minutes I got back to the question, understood it and did the calculation. Only one minute was remaining now. I entered the value but I thought of rechecking the answer, I rechecked the calculation and found that my answer was correct. By now the time was over and I hadn't saved the answer. I realized this only when at the end of the examination I saw 7 questions were unanswered.

RVB is an amazing teacher and his course is great. When you will solve questions you will find that some topics are not covered by him and you will have to work on it yourself. Well that is because these questions have accumulated over a long period of time and the syllabus kept on changing. Also his test series has a good level of difficulty. While taking the tests I found some questions were erroneous. Any test series you take will have some questions with incorrect answers. But RVB's team was a great help, they helped clarify my doubts or cleared their errors. I don't know if any other coaching provides this kind of support.

'GATE Overflow' was also a tremendous help. CS students are lucky that we have such a great resource. They also have great tests. I recommend buying the question bank compiled by them. It is very good. 'GeeksForGeeks' is another great resource. The articles or short notes provided by them were a great help.

[lovemesomesurveys]

Do you ever have days where you just don’t do anything? Everyday? Have you ever been extremely tired but refused to go to sleep? I do that a lot, actually. I don’t know why I try to fight off naps. What is your favorite episode of True Life, if you have one at all? Have you ever experienced something paranormal? No. What’s the longest amount of time you’ve been stuck in traffic? An hour or so. Ugh.

Best field trip experience? Disneyland for senior grad night.

Have you ever been to New York City? No, but I’d like to. If so, is it all its cracked up to be? What is the most amount of money you’ve spent on a meal before? Too much. What museums have you visited, if any? A few historical and art museums. Have you ever had a group project and one of your partners bailed on you? I always felt like I carried a large part of the responsibility when it came to group projects. What’s your worst traveling experience? 12 hours from California to Idaho at night, during a snowstorm. Sims 1, 2, or 3? Why? 3 out of those, but 4 is the best.

Have you ever dealt with noisy neighbors or roommates? How did that go? Yes. Our current neighbors are super annoying with dogs that bark excessively. Who was (or is) the teacher that gave you the hardest time in school? I had a couple really mean math professors in college. Best muffin you’ve ever had? Banana muffins without the nut. Have you ever taken a woodshop class? Yeah, in like 6th or 7th grade as an elective. If so, was it required? We had to take an elective of some kind. How much time do you spend on Facebook, if you have one? Not that much. I go on there a couple time and just scroll through the news feed for a few minutes. What area of math are you best at? Worst? Ew, none. How do you feel when you meet someone with the same music taste as you? It’s cool. How often do you “half-ass” things (put little effort in)? I’ve been putting very little ass into things for the past few years now. :/ Do you ever feel self-conscious when you eat around other people? Yes. Has a teacher ever made you hate yourself/your work? Those bitchy math professors made me feel dumb. How reliable is your internet connection? It’s good. Have you ever missed a meeting/event that was required/necessary? Yeah, it happened a few times. What’s something that makes you incredibly nervous? My health and just... life. What’s the latest you’ve ever stayed up to finish homework/a project? Many late nights in college. That was like the norm. If you don’t have glasses, how would you feel if you had to get them? I do have glasses, have since I was 9, and I’d feel so weird without them. If you do have glasses, how would you feel if you didn’t need them anymore? Very weird. I actually like them, so. How many vegetarians do you know? Zero. Have you ever considered going to art school? No. I have no artistic abilities. Is there anyone in your life who consistently angers you? Not angers me, but frustrates or irritates me. How quickly can you write an essay? I don’t know. Usually once I got started I was able to just crank one out. Have you ever had problems falling asleep in class? I’ve definitely felt like it many times. Have you ever been on the barrier or front row at a concert? No. What bug frightens you most? All of them. Are your parents supportive of you? Very. How often do you take the train to go places? Never. Do you play with your phone in awkward situations? Yep. Have you ever participated in a mock trial, or a real trial? Yeah, for a class once.

[vigilante-rpg]

Welcome Rachel! We’re pleased to announce your audition for Garrett Hall / The Heir has been accepted! Please send your account into the main within the next 24 hours. We can’t wait to have you join us!

{{ PLAYER INFORMATION }}

NAME: Rachel

AGE: 19

TIMEZONE: PST

PRONOUNS: She/her, though I’m pretty relaxed about pronouns addressed to myself.

ACTIVITY LEVEL: I’m not normally busy over the summer. I could write at least once a day unless executive dysfunction takes hold, which isn’t a normal situation for me. My free time will slim during the weekdays when September starts due to school, but I keep my schedule spaced out so I can get writing and other things done.

PREVIOUS ROLEPLAY EXPERIENCE: I first made a role-play blog in 7th or 8th grade, and have rped for several years afterward on Tumblr and other platforms such as Google Drive, Discord, and RP Adventures. While I’ve had good times and made a couple close friends online, I have admittedly left Tumblr altogether because none of the communities I found were safe spaces for me. But I’ve had Karo, Lance, and Rachel advocate for this group and I’m really missing a quality rp experience

PERSONAL TUMBLR CONTACT: Removed for Privacy

TRIGGERS: None that I know of right now. I have some pretty strong trypophobia? But the things that I see as triggers are very personal, and not something that can be easily set off online.

{{ CHARACTER INFORMATION }}

CHARACTER NAME: Garrett Hall

PRONOUNS: He/him

AGE: 30

ORIGIN: The Heir

FACE CLAIM: Dan Stevens (Primary) or Arthur Darvill (Secondary)

QUOTE: “I never wanted this destiny. But now, I need it more than ever.”

OCCUPATION: Having recently left a lofty career as a lawyer outside of Newhaven, Garrett has recently gained a job as an accountant for a humble bakery. The explanation will be included in his biography.

PERSONALITY: [Intelligent] Even without the dual wielded powers inherited from his parents, Garrett grew up a prodigy of all kinds. From a young age he mastered languages from the English, Russian, and French he heard daily, to Spanish, sign language, and Mandarin. Kinesthetic intelligence developed in his training and play, both effectively honing his body for a future of constant movement. In school, he set academic records that have yet to be beaten. For much of his childhood, he was educated in classes above most children his age until his parents moved him back down, rightfully fearing the neglect of his emotional needs. With the focus on his own growth, Garrett came to brush off those who seemed lesser than him, whether he meant to or not. Sometimes he did. Without establishing connections with the rest of the essentials for life, Vlad and Chantelle worried for his future. However, Garrett refused to ease his burdens, continuing to cultivate his mind and the skills he proved good at. After all, it’s what all the people wanted from him, right?

[Blunt] One of the few things Garrett struggled with has always been social interaction. He can and has come off to others as rude and irritable, not just because he is, but also because he lacks the understanding of sensing others’ emotions and following that to a proper response. As a result, he simply says and does what is on his mind.

[Emotional] While he would argue his brain to be his greatest strength, Garrett is almost entirely emotionally driven, and rather impulsive at that. He is the type of person to act first and apologize later than to ask for permission or another’s point of view. As much as he pretends to be an impervious wall to those around him, Garrett is prone to wear sad eyes and scrunch his face to avoid a fit of helpless snickers. Plus, there’s the avoidance of sad films; he has made many people uncomfortable with gross tears. He has also grown acutely aware of his personal traits and needs, as well as the ways his actions affect the lives of others. This may be the biggest cause for his return to Newhaven.

[Observational] This trait is somewhat tied to those addressed before. Garrett is smart; he sees things and does everything he can to understand the who, where, when, why, how, and what to do next. It is much easier for him to go through this experience with the theoretical, scientific, mathematical, and rhetorical than it with the human mind. Humans are not so predictable, and Point A does not always lead to Point B with them.

[A Grade A Asshole] That’s it. This is him. We’re done here. In slightly more seriousness, he can really be a jerk. This is important when connected to his impulsivity and inability to understand people. Garrett has made a number of mistakes that hurt other individuals in his own self-destructive spiral. When he says and does what he believes needs to be done, his methods can be… questionable at best. 

[Troubled] Both Garrett and Legacy behave complete differently for the same reason: he doesn’t know how to amend the person he is with the person he wants or needs to be, as well as what is expected from him. His entire sense of self has been fractured, and it shows. Garrett attempts to push himself almost completely from the kind of person most would accept, much less want to be around. Legacy is quite the opposite, the golden boy he was fated to be since the very beginning. But neither of them are the real him. He doesn’t know how to get that back.

BIOGRAPHY: On March 28, 1990, everyone in Newhaven knew about the first son of Gryphon and Bogatyr, heroes of The Guild. The journey of Gryphon’s pregnancy was followed by the public since she first left the front lines to preserve her health and that of the baby. His name was never released, of course, lest the heroes, his parents, would be revealed.

They called him Fledgling, born with the beak of an an eagle and destined to follow in the footsteps of his father and mother.

Behind the mask, the Halls were a loving, if somewhat overinvested nuclear family. Vladimir Hall, cheerful father and knightlike superhero, lived as an interpreter of numerous Slavic languages for immigrants such as himself. Chantelle Prevost-Hall had more of a challenge to balance out her heroics and her civilian life as a popular stunt actress, but she was more than up to the task for what she felt was the right thing to do. They adored Garrett, and later their second son, Vincent, who inherited none of the family’s powers. But if Chantelle were to look back, she would see that her presence in the boys’ emotional conflicts was a place she fell short, and where she was needed more than ever. For Vlad, he was kind, he was affectionate, but the man simply could not empathize with his sons of a different generation and culture. Where they faltered to meet their children’s needs, they compensated in support of their education, social lives, and especially Garrett’s own unique abilities.

Along with his astonishing prowess throughout his years of education, Garrett was trained in his superhuman abilities — plural after his secondary power manifested at age 4 — so that he would flourish as a sidekick to the heroic power couple Gryphon and Bogatyr, and eventually ascend to become a hero of The Guild. Everybody knew this. People gossiped, journalists followed the masked child’s every move, and where they failed to catch anything of note, they could glean some off of the proud parents themselves. Nobody was more excited for Fledgling’s next development than them.

That is why Garrett never told them how he really felt. His fears, his anxieties and insecurities were clutched to his chest, and he never spoke a word of his peers and other adults who saw him as the loner, a shortcut to their own successes, or the perfect target to push into the dirt. When he came home with a soggy bookbag and a busted lip, he said he fell into a fountain. When given the silent treatment by his younger brother, powerless and painfully average in everything but heart, he said he had eaten the last of Vincent’s favorite snack. When someone spoke about Fledgling and his sparkling future, he smiled and kept his mouth shut, even though he screamed on the inside, “Does anyone care what I think?!”

The last flickering light of hope turned to smoke when he learned the answer. Almost 18 years old, freshly dubbed a hero in his own right, and he had nobody. Even his best friend, his favorite person, his first love, only looked up to the heroic side of the mask. Just like everyone else.

Fledgling was so lucky, wasn’t he? To be the child of heroes, to be anywhere close to Spectrum, to be a hero himself.

That’s not me.

The rest of that day was a blur. He went to his room, threw on a jacket, got in his first — and only — fight with his dad, and then he was gone. He doesn’t remember what he said that evening. Only the rage, the guilt, the fear, but not enough to pretend he could ever make his family proud. Fledging was declared to have stepped down a week later, when the Halls had to realize that Garrett wasn’t coming home.With no contact, no leads, no motivation for him to completely run away, it was as though Garrett simply dissolved into thin air.

The years following were just as foggy when Garrett tries to look back. He wandered the streets, learned what it’s like to fight for his life, hitchhiked out of the city, and worked the odd job here and there until a kind samaritan had pity and took him in. He got into college with a double major in law and accounting, then law school because you can take the boy away from heroics, but you can’t take the hero out of the boy. He became a lawyer in the city on the outskirts, and a good one at that. It wasn’t until the last year that he was found by his brother, now an officer who begged and bothered for his return.

He got through to Garrett. This was not the life he wanted to lead anymore. In the span of a day, he quit his job, said goodbye to the person who took him in those years back, and disappeared into the night. The second time he ran, this time to the very place he yearned to leave behind.

His abrupt resignation would not bode well if he applied to another law firm, and between the deskwork and the effort outside of the office, he would hardly have time to have a full night’s rest. It was Vincent’s suggestion to start small instead, so Garrett pulled out his second degree and took the first accounting job he could get, at a bakery just mere blocks from the apartment he rented out. It was the perfect foundation to slip into the evening sky for the first time in years, wings bared for all to see.

After everything he did, it all lead back to putting on those golden shackles.

{{ VIGILANTE INFORMATION }}

VIGILANTE NAME: Legacy

PRONOUNS: He/him

APPEARANCE: In his teens, Fledgling was designed by his parents a fun little getup of dark gray nylon striped with scarlet lightning bolts beneath his armor. The material of the armor (described in powers) remains a mystery to both Bogatyr and his son. It appears as strong meteoric iron, but has never been broken beyond a few significant dents, which is repaired on its own when released from the wielder. In that time, he always wore his helmet to conceal his identity, shaped like the head of an elaborate eagle for his gryphon traits within.

Years later, it is hard to tell if the newly named Legacy has changed completely or not at all. The body armor stays the same as it was, though larger to fit his grown physique. Underneath, he bears a flexible black shirt with a jagged gold stripe up the front and two slits near his shoulder blades, a fairly plain pair of snug black trousers, golden bracelets that reach from wrist to mid-forearm, and a set of sandals that shift to wrap around his legs when his feet transform into the claws of a lion. When without his helmet for protection, Legacy wears a gold and silver masquerade mask of a gryphon, similar to the kind his mother used to own.

SIGIL: A heraldic emblem of a gryphon in silver.

COLOUR SCHEME: Goldenrod (#DAA520), silver (#ACACAC), and black (#000000)

FIGHTING STYLE: Close combat, minimalizing serious damage.

CLASS TYPE: Offensive 

MORAL ALIGNMENT: Lawful Neutral

POWERS: [Gryphon Physiology] From his mother, Legacy possesses a genetic structure that can shift from fully human to a more animalistic form. This ability is not powered by emotions or the person’s control, but is merely another body for him to inhabit. However, the more he changes at once, the more painful the process becomes. He has to physically make alterations to his muscles, bones, and every part of his body, which is hardly a natural effort. The most he can accomplish without causing significant injury to himself is manifest his wings, talons, claws, and bird-like eyes. Garrett has only tried to fully transform once as a teenager, but he failed impressively and never made an attempt since.

His strength and other physical attributes rely on his own fitness, except for the strength of his wings, massive and powerful to carry the weight of a grown man and then some, thus entirely capable of blunt damage should he risk injury to one of his most sensitive body parts. Another consequence is that his clothes get torn from the transformation if they are not specifically altered for this ability.

Gryphon and Bogatyr discovered his inheritance as soon as he was born; it was undeniable when they saw a beak in place of a wrinkled nose and mouth, and a head of pale, downy feathers. His parents made the decision while the medics tended to the newborn. They kept his identity a top secret from the disappointed city, known only to the doctors and the closest members of The Guild as they trained him parallel to his growing up.

[Armor/Weapon Manifestation] “He is his father’s son,” said Gryphon, hiding a smile behind her hand as Bogatyr slammed the door open with 4-year-old Garrett swinging a knife behind him.

“Mama! Look what I made!”

Bogatyr is able to create a full suit of armor around his body as well as an impressive range of weaponry as long as they are predominantly composed of metal. Legacy, on the other hand, can only make himself a sophisticated shortsword, shield, and the very basics of armor: visor, breastplate, shoulder guards, and simple coverings for his arms and legs. This ability also lasts for no more than a couple hours without causing significant strain (one and a half hours while part-gryphon), and can only bear up to the force of twice its mass without visible damage, likely due to a weaker version of the mutated gene. But the flexibility works well when he shifts forms with Gryphon’s power. For both men, the properties of their manifestations has no match to any known type of metal, but most closely resembles heat treated L6 Bainite. Between them and those who worked on research with them, they suspect the armor may be connected to iron and other materials from their bodies. For obvious health-related reasons, though, there have been no tests on either Bogatyr or Legacy.

{{ STATS }}

OBSCURITY: 1/5 (-1 obscurity)

CONTROL: 4/5

LUCK:  3/5

---

STRENGTH: 3/5

SPEED: 4/5

CHARISMA: 2/5

INTUITION: 3/5 (-1 intuition)

AGILITY: 3/5

STAMINA: 3/5

INTELLIGENCE: 5/5

DURABILITY: 4/5

{{ EXTRAS }}

HEADCANONS: -Even though he contains enough issues to fill a personal Pandora’s Box, Garrett does not come from a life of abuse or neglect. At this point in time, he’s come to accept that a number of different causes – miscommunication, insecurity, undiagnosed anxiety and depression, and outside forces that would take a second list to name off – resulted in his ultimate act of running away. He only wants to make his round of apologies and decide where to go next.

-He’s a devoted night owl, for better or for worse.

-Those from the Guild are likely to know his real identity.

-Because his father’s Russian, his mother’s French, and he was raised in Newhaven, poor Garrett speaks with an accent that is an unholy amalgamation of all three.

-Sometimes he tries to meme. Don’t let him.

-Legacy is surprisingly good at working with others. Garrett’s just an ass.

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION: -Garrett is part of Dimetre’s ex-lover/friend plot, but with a couple minor changes. He’s the character who inspired that plot, haha!

-Songs: Luck by American Authors, Stroke by Stroke from Jasper in Deadland, I Was Me - Imagine Dragons, You Don’t Know from Next To Normal, May I by Trading Yesterday, Lullaby for a Stormy Night by Vienna Teng

-Aesthetics: Papers and folders on a tabletop, the constellation Lyra, tears smearing the ink on a letter, golden wings, fallen angel, coffee with foam art, snowfall on a veranda, gleaming steel.

[gazihsah]

Pride Month or Whatever

It’s going on about 6am for me, no sleep, and fresh out of binging an angsty teen Netflix series, sooo I figured I’d write something in the spirit of Pride Month, and put ‘my story’ out there, and just get it out there.  I’m not one for gushy, dramatic stuff like this, but uh, yeah, I figured...just maybe someone could hear a story that they might relate to. Maybe. It’s under a cut, cause, what better place to start than, well, the start.

Still here? Cool. Get ready for the story of my being...uh...gay, or something?

Well, I guess it kinda started in the 7th grade. Up until that point, me being the sheltered kid that I was at the time, didn’t even know what that not being straight was an option. How I found out, was being called gay and a fag at school. Mind you, I’m 19 now, so I was...12 or something, so I did what any kid of that time would do; Google that shit. And well, upon actually knowing what it meant, I thought about the idea quite a bit.

Anyways, 7th and 8th grade both sucked, a lot. I got through it obviously, but a standout moment in 7th grade that I’ll never forget, was when I thought about joining the school choir. This was inspired by Glee, actually, but actually only for the singing part, cause at the time, I was super into band. I distinctively remember my parents barring me from joining specifically because they thought it’d “turn me gay”. After many arguments with my parents, they ended up issuing some sort of ultimatum (probably to sell off my video games, I don’t remember exactly what at this point), and I crossed my name off the list for sign ups. What really sucked about that, honestly, was when I did cross my name off, the teacher in charge of the choir, Ms. Sikora (bless her, she made 7th grade a lot less hellish with how she helped get a few bullies off my back), asked me why I removed my name, to which I told what had happened, and her approximate response of “Does it making you ‘gay’ even matter?” was so...nonchalant, and honest, that it hurt, knowing that my parents didn’t share the same viewpoint.  

So I did what I thought I had to survive life with my parents. I suppressed any notion of even being remotely gay. I made sure to act in accordance of whatever would be seen as straight, such as pretending to have crushes of girls at my school to avoid attracting suspicion from my parents. More on them later.

High school ended changing a lot for things for me. Those 3 years of high school, were easily the best years of my life. For starters, the people there weren’t shit bags to me. Secondly, my fraternal twin sister transferred high schools, although, she was still in contact with some friends from my high school, so I maintained that facade a bit more, but at least I was able to be a bit more...expressive? And third, I ended up meeting my best friends (they’re all straight guys if you’re curious, but don’t you knock’em for it), whom I'll mention also later, since they’re quite awesome/important.

In 12th grade, my final year of high school, I don’t remember why, but I gave up and decided to finally tell someone about my sexuality, and ironically enough, it ended up being my fraternal twin sister, who’s actually bi, so my coming out to her prompted her to come out to me, so I kinda lucked out. I ended up telling my best friends later, after graduation (I decided to wait until after high school, cause teenagers can be brutal for no reason sometimes, so I didn’t want a repeat of 7th/8th grades) and they’re pretty supportive of me about it.

Now, finally onto the mushy part. I met @reoozi about 2 years ago, but we’ve been dating off and on for about...a year I think, and it’s been amazing. He flew up during my college break, for what was the single best week of my life. I ended up lying to my parents to do so, but came out to them shortly after, and they...didn’t take it well at all at first, naturally. I was already 19 at that point, so I’m super glad they didn’t decide ‘oh hey, he’s legal age now, so we can kick him out’ or something. My mom is now at least willing to at least meet my boyfriend when he flies up again near the end of July, but my dad is...still homophobic, which I kinda saw coming. On the bright side, my boyfriend and I are planning on getting a place together here next year, and he’s the bomb~ 

And there you go, I guess that’s the gist of it. I guess I’ll be ‘adulting’ once I move out with my boyfriend, but I’m confident in us, or whatever mushy thing I could say to try and wrap this up since oh dear god it’s 8am now and I can see the sun.

[iamfitzwilliamdarcy]

Is Legend of the Guardians on the list ? Also, I'm thinking Ratatouille for behated 5

No Legend of the Guardians, though it is very good and I wish he would do some more animated stuff (my other Zack movie was Sucker Punch)

but yes Ratatouille! I saw it one time as a kid in theaters when it was released and just did not like it but idk why, I remember so little about it now lol (i actually think i have conflated some of flushed away with it which i have memory holed until now but also hated) (#2 has essentially the same rodent but technically it's different)

Beloved:

Batman v Superman (My obvious favorite movie)

ZSJL (Sequel to my obvious favorite movie)

Sucker Punch (Only girl power movie on the list)

Cinderella 2015 (This movie was made at just the right time and i still can’t believe how it’s about forgiveness and fatherhood and LOVE)

The Outsiders (7th grade me never got over it)

Revenge of the Sith (Everything happens so much (rolling in the deep also plays quietly in the background as i weep) (franchise movie))

Dunkirk (Made me like Chris Nolan again)

My Big Fat Greek Wedding (Family romcom)

Bridesmaids (I’m a little embarrassed of how much i like this one (esp bc of the opening scene I always skip) but also? It’s funny and very good reflection on female relationships)

I didn’t see the original

How to Train Your Dragon (Father accepts son, son accepts responsibility what can be better)

You cry because it doesn’t actually end happy

Classic american

Richard II (Hollow Crown version) (Shakespeare royal)

Bend it like Beckham (Another mid 2000s romcom but this features Sports)

I’m very serious about this one but also it’s ridiculous

Clue (How did a game make such a quality movie?)

Excalibur (I use one quote from this movie like all the time)

This shouldn’t be that intense but it is is and it gave me anxiety

Father reconnecting with his children in Extremely Unlikely Way

Behated:

Watched this one time in undergrad trying to make friends and was terrified forever

Childhood classic that i can’t remember beyond hating it

Worse sequel than cursed child

The power went out immediately after i saw this movie for my 16th birthday and again I have never known peace

Ratatouille (Everyone loves this movie and I just do not (animated))

I spent a long time Thinking about this movie before deciding the Vibes were off

Beauty and the Beast 2017 (The vibes were off from the start and also that dress?)

Captain America: Civil War (Didn’t do it like Beloved #1)

Too Found Family, Too Vulgar

2001: Space Odyssey I watched this in community college astronomy class, idk now if i hated it because i didn’t want to be there or bc it was weird af

Extra Hints: There’s another Zack Snyder movie on here, there’s another Batman movie, the MC in Behated #1 has my name also, two movies on the behated list have a rodent in them, one movie is also about weed

[lee-changjae]

[TRANS] 20130724 Hot Debut Diary Interview - Changjae②

[Hot Debut Diary] MR.MR Changjae② "Another name for 'crisis' is 'opportunity'"

These days, new idol groups continue to come out every day. Some may say, "There are too many, I don't know who is who," but if you look closely, everyone is charming and passionate in their own ways. Their devotion to work hard is equal to their love for music. Many more idol groups have come out within the last year in particular. Because of this, groups who debuted at that time shake their heads together as one when they recall their debut. Also, they had experienced something very important. They personally experienced that you won't survive unless you work hard and do your best.

MR.MR are also one of the male idol groups who entered the music industry last year. They are a 5 member group consisting of leader Jin, Tey, Ryu, Changjae, and Doyeon who released their debut single album "Who's That Girl" in October 2012. They are now a rookie who are warmly welcoming their 1st year since debut.

With a great passion for singing and dancing, the dream to become a singer was obtained. They made their debut after a long time of their sweat and tears falling. Let's find out the story of what happened to the members before becoming MR.MR through 'Hot Debut Diary'.

MR.MR's 'Hot Debut Diary', the first main character is Changjae.

When he was younger, he was a kid full of curiosity with a strong sense of responsibility who gave his all in any given task.

Little kid Lee Changjae who asked "Why?" all the time followed his father and did sports, and received acknowledgement for his excellent ability. He was outgoing with a strong sense of responsibility when appointed the flag bearer during the cross-country expedition and leading the performances of the traditional music department. After 6 truly fulfilling years, he entered middle school and fell into a new world called 'dance'.

source | Herald Corp translation | LCJ1129

▶ Unstoppable 7th Grader

When I was in traditional music class during elementary school, I enjoyed it more than anything and because of that I thought about entering Gugak National Middle School. I spoke to my parents about this, and in return they asked, "Is this really the path you want to go?" Um... I thought deeply and worried over it, but in the end I replied, "I don't know".

I asked myself the same question that my parents asked me. "Is this really what you want to do?" However, I wasn't sure about joining. So, I went to public middle school.

7th grade at Garak Middle School! I think I was quiet at the start because my friends and my environment all became different than when I was in elementary school. However, after some time, I became more familiar with everything and turned into the outgoing Changjae again.

I studied hard too, and even played really hard at soccer and basketball. I became an unstoppable 7th grader.

▶ The busybody 8th grader started to dance

It was the same even when I was in 8th grade. All the friends I made was through sports. During lunchtime, I would play soccer and basketball no matter what. At first, we would all just play together, but after awhile we made a team and even went out to competitions. We had a soccer team at school, so I would go out to soccer tournaments as the school representative.

I was really a busybody at that time. Haha. I had to go to school and study as well as play sports.

One day I was walking home with my friends, Doyeon, who is also now a member of MR.MR, and Sehun, when Sehun took a different road than the way to his home. So, I asked where he was going and he said, "I'm going to dance." It was the first I'd ever heard him talk about it, I didn't imagine he was the type to be a dancer, but I thoughtlessly followed after him.

So, Doyeon and I arrived at the rooftop of a church, the place where Sehun danced. I think that moment was the first turning point of my life.

I didn't know anything outside of sports other than dance, so I learned about 'b-boying'. I still can't forget the scent of the church at that time. A sense of something like a gym warehouse? The only lights on made it look like the atmosphere was dance! It looked fun. "You try it too," Sehun told me while doing a handstand. I thought it would be easy, but in reality it was difficult. I practiced little by little and was able to move myself one at a time. That was fun...haha.

After that, besides soccer and basketball, I only had time for dance. I found myself practicing dance in the soccer club's locker room.

I felt an attraction to dance that was different than with soccer and basketball. So I chose to dance casually. It's different with soccer where it's only possible to play when everyone is all gathered together, but with dance you can do it by yourself in any free space.. I practiced whenever I wanted.

There was a place that supported teenagers' club activities, called Songpa Youth Center, and there was a practice room that I would use for dance practice. As a result, I didn't go to school as I should.

My passion for dance continued even when I was in 9th grade. Naturally, my grades fell. However, my dad encouraged me to take responsibility with dance. He told me, "If you use that passion you have for dancing, you can do anything."

Because of my dad, I gained strength and I think I was able to enjoy myself more.

▶ Preparations to enter college for physical education, but then hardship

I gathered about 8-10 of my friends and made a team, I began to work a bit more seriously. All the close friends I had when I was in middle school were scattered in different high schools. How could this happen? Everyone went to all different schools for the degrees they wanted. However, during high school festivals we would go to each other's schools as well as to girls' high schools and go around to perform.

The reactions were really good. Especially from Chungshin Girls' High School! It was unforgettable. Haha. I think that time was the first time I felt the thrill of the stage. Before starting I was knelt down on one knee, and I felt the thrill once I heard the cheers from the audience. At that moment, I thought, "Ah, I should keep doing this."

It wasn't a lot of money, but we did get some compensation and even made a team bank account, and when we would finish a performance we would buy something delicious to eat by ourselves. I really enjoyed it.

By the way, we all split up when we were in 12th grade. I needed to prepare for the college entrance exam anyhow. As you would expect I also started to worry about my career path, and I was determined to go to college for physical education when I played sports again. I prepared really hard for the studies as well as the practical skills.

To be exact, I started taking classes to prepare for the College of Physical Education since winter break of 11th grade. Actually, summer break of 12th grade was the most important time. At that time, I was working to raise my score for the practical skills portion, which I tried to maintain until the entrance exam. I got a perfect score on the practical skills portion for Korea National University of Physical Education. Around the time when summer break ended I took the practical test at the school, that day was really important.

However, something happened that was the 2nd turning point for me. I was in a car accident on the way to take the practical test. Because I had torn my cruciate ligament, I had no choice but to have surgery. I was hospitalized for about 3 months, and naturally I had missed the practical test but I went back to school around September. I felt really hopeless. But, I didn't give up.

Naturally, my body wasn't the same as it was before. Before the accident my record for the long jump was 275M, but now it would only come out to 240M. I continued practicing of course, and raised it up to 260M, but compared to before the accident it was really lacking.

My practical skills weren't the same as before so I thought I could make up for it with my grades, and the teacher also felt really sorry for me. More than being upset at myself, I was the most apologetic to my parents. Until now, I don't regret anything in my life, but I really regret that day..

I was the most upset about losing my athletic ability, so I became self-defeating. At the end of the twists and turns, I was in the preparation process to enter a community college for physical education, but because I was under a lot of stress I lost my will.

▶ Crisis is another opportunity

Actually, when I was in the hospital, my dad offered me a proposal. I decided that I shouldn't do sports, but he said to me, "Since you like dancing so much, what do you think about being a singer?". A friend of my dad's was someone who worked inside the music industry. If I wanted, he would introduce me.

I worried over it for a long time. For one thing or another. I couldn't completely let go of sports, and at that time I had a bit more interest in acting rather than singing and dancing. However, as my dad said, I did really enjoy dancing.. I worried over it for a while longer. But if I refused, I didn't want to regret it in the future. I thought it would be better to at least try while I had the chance since I was still young, rather than regretting not taking the opportunity later on.

I started something again during springtime when I was 20 years old! I diligently attended school and spent about 3 years as a trainee. I learned dancing and singing, and mastered the basic acting skills one step at a time. I didn't really think about being on the path to debuting into an idol group. Realistically, I went into it thinking of it as an opportunity when I remembered that I could gain something from my efforts until now.

As time went by, I met the members we have now one by one. There weren't the five of us together at the start like there is now. The members were changed and replaced several times. There were even 6 of us total once. Also, between Jin hyung, Tey, and myself, we remained in that state as 3 people when Doyeon joined. And lastly, maknae Ryu joined. I didn't really have a feeling like, "Ah!". Will it be this time? I wanted it to be. It was because I had observed the whole process of being made and broken up since the beginning. However, the image that they wanted at the company had been completed, and suddenly everything happened very fast.

From recording to the jacket filming, it was one thing after another! "Am I really going to debut?" I couldn't believe it. And I was anxious. Of course, I was happy and had good feelings about it, but I was nervous and had many complex feelings. October 5th, 2012! We had our debut stage on "Music Bank". Just as I had practiced, I went up on the stage with the mindset of "I think I did well," but when I came down and monitored, I thought it looked like we were 5 pieces of wood were moving. Hahaha. I was shocked when I saw it, I thought that I should practice my expressions and gestures so that it can look more natural.

Looking back, I think everything was a valuable experience. It was nice to be able to look back at everything that's happened so far. Before you know it, we're already heading toward our 1st anniversary since debut. I think we have a long way to go from now on, but we'll work hard! I will wholeheartedly do my best and be better than I am now.

I will become Changjae who works hard!

▶ Doyeon is the 2nd candidate of MR.MR's "Hot Debut Diary". His story continues in the next part, on Doyeon①.

source | Herald Corp translation | LCJ1129

[llamastories96-blog]

Who Are You, Really?

Prompt: One day, you wake up as a human lie detector who is able to accurately tell when someone is lying. Your ability tells you that everything your best friend has told you, even their name, is a lie. 

Characters: Reader x Kim Jongin

Genre: Angst

Word Count: 1538

________________________________

You fell, landing hard on your back. Up above you, there was some laughter from other children in the schoolyard. Your vision was going in and out, and you laid still to try and relieve the pain. You felt a hand on your shoulder, and your eyes tried to make out the face of your best friend, Kai. 

Kai had been with you ever since that moment. You met him in middle school, and you also lived in the same apartment complex. You lived on the 4th floor, while Kai, lived on the 7th floor.

The two of you were inseparable, all the way from 6th grade to graduating high school, and the first two years of college. You went to the same school, the University of Korea. Kai’ s major was dancing and broadcasting, and yours was biology, with a minor in chemistry. Theoretically, your interests couldn’t be more different, but the two of you never considered that to be a problem.

At least, there was no problem until you woke up one day, in the middle of your sophomore year with a strange feeling gnawing at the back of your mind.

You got out of bed, uncertain about every item your eyes seemed to land on in your dorm room. You snuggled the pillow Kai gave you for your 11th birthday, you saw the slippers he gave you for Christmas last year, you put on your matching robe that the two of you have, even your reflection in the bathroom mirror as you brushed your teeth gave you a strange vibe. 

For whatever reason, everything that reminded you of Kai, gave you this feeling. You went about your morning getting ready for your 10am class trying to come with an answer to this feeling. 

King Kai [9:18AM] What’s up hooonnneeeyyyy?? Are we getting late breakfast before your lab?

Your stomach started to turn. You took a moment to gather yourself before replying.

Y/N [9:20AM] Sure thing, I’ll meet you in the Pit in 5 :)

You couldn’t shake this feeling as you swung your backpack over your shoulder, heading down the stairs and around the corner into the Pit.

Once you reached your destination, your eyes wandered around, taking in the environment. Everything that you could see made your mind at ease, the coffee shop, the vending machines, the countless chairs and desks..

You did a double-take when your eyes swept over Junmyeon trying to talk to a freshman in line at the coffee shop. Junmyeon was a total player, and he introduced himself as Suho to his victims. He had tried getting in your pants, but thank goodness Kai was there to keep him away.

He was the kind of person to say anything to get into a girls pants, and you focused in on him, practically hearing the honey-like words he was saying.

“Yeah, I‘m a sophomore here.” Lie, he was a junior. “I don‘t really have a lot of friends here, so I was hoping you would want to hang out with me.“ Another lie, he was one of the most popular guys at school. “I‘m not a big partier, so I don’t get out a lot.” Yet again, lie.

Your eyebrows furrowed. What was happening to you, you’ve never had anything similar to this happen to you before. Your gaze was attracted to the TV playing the news in the corner. The program also gave you a bad feeling, everything that was going on was lie, after lie, after lie. Unending lies, from Junmyeon, to the TV reporter, and to those things in your room.

You were lost in thought when you felt someone place their arm around your shoulders.

“There you are! What are you- ah, watching the reporter? She’s so ugly, I can‘t believe that the broadcasting station let her be on the air.“ Lie. But this time, you turned your head to meet Kai’s gaze. 

His gaze felt wrong to you, but he had been looking at you like that for your entire friendship. Your eyebrows grew even closer and you shrugged his arm off of you.

He looked at you, with what you once would have thought was concern, but now that feels wrong too.

“Y/N, are you feeling okay? You look like you don‘t speak Korean anymore…“

You took a deep breath, “Yeah, I just feel completely wrong this morning.“ You looked into Kai’s eyes, “Actually, everything else seems off, not me.” You trailed off as you took in Kai‘s appearance.

He looked amazing for being up hours before his first class today, which gave you a strange vibe. But he had done this both years of college so far, and all throughout high school.

Your thoughts were starting to drown you, and you had to escape them somehow. You looked back to the TV, “I think I just need coffee or something.“

“Alright then, I know exactly what you need.“ You looked back at Kai’s face, that wasn’t a lie, but nevertheless, it gave you a horrible feeling in the pit of your stomach. An unshakeable feeling.

You allowed Kai to lead you both over to the coffee shop, and ordered for the two of you. You stared at the back of his head, as he talked to his partner for a project in his broadcasting class. 

It felt, that even the relationship he had with his classmate wasn’t the complete truth. His classmate felt your eyes on him, and turned back to smile at you before returning to the conversation between him and Kai.

“Y/N, are you just dancing up in the clouds?” You turned to see Kai, and his classmate Chanyeol looking at you. Both gazes felt foreign, and in a way, almost hostile.

Your heart skipped a beat as they waited for your response.

You blinked, stumbling over your words, “I-sorry Chanyeol, I-I don’t think I‘m going to m-my lab.“ You backed away fast, and speed walked over to your residence hall.

Everything that’s given you such a horrible feeling in the pit of your stomach came into your mind all at once, and you broke down in the middle of your residence hall.

“Y/N!! Hey, Y/N, why are you- oh shit, come here.” You felt arms come around you and hold you tightly to the person they belong to. The gesture should have comforted you immensely, especially coming from Kai. But it made you want to vomit.

You pushed yourself out of his arms, stared him in his eyes as tears still continued to stream down your face. You sniffled and attempted to collect yourself enough to voice what was wrong.

“Tell me, right now, why you make me feel so awful all of a sudden.“ His eyes went wide and his mouth opened and closed not being able to answer. “Ever since I woke up this morning, everything that reminds me of you, has given me the most awful feeling I’ve ever had in my life. I could hear Junmyeon preying on  a freshman from across the Pit, and both you and Chanyeol made me want to run away and never look back.” You stabbed your finger into his chest with each sentence. Without authorizing your body, you began to cry again. “I hate this feeling, but I don‘t understand what‘s happening. You‘ve been my best friend for 12 years, and I don‘t understand what‘s happening to me. I just want you to be able to comfort me, but every time you look at me, or talk to me, or touch me, it makes me want to kick you in the face.“ You press against the wall, and slide your back down it, covering your face with your hands as your sobs wrack through your body.

Kai sighs, and your mood stays indifferent. “Let‘s go to your room. I‘ll try to explain.“

You nod slightly, and he allows you to get up on your own, and follows behind you as you lead him to your room.

Your sobs have subsided for the most part, but you still sniffle often. You throw yourself on your couch, as you hear Kai stand near the kitchen, not even 10 feet away from you. His presence still making you uncomfortable.

“To start at the beginning, my name isn‘t Kai.“

Your eyes snap open to look at him, arms folded against your counter.

“We didn‘t meet by accident on the playground in 6th grade. I didn‘t actually live two floors above you in your parent‘s apartment complex. And I don‘t attend this school.”

You continue to stare at him. The uneasy feeling is gone, but you still don’t feel good. He just told you that the most important relationship in your life has been a lie. Your rock, your best friend. Kai. Was all a lie.

“So then, what‘s your real name? And who are you, really?”

He sighs, “My real name is Kim Jongin.“ He pulls something out from behind his back. Once he pulls it in front of him, you recognize it to be a handgun, with a silencer on the end of it.

He points it at you.

“I‘m here to take care of you.”

Then, nothing. Just black.