#--bugs and shit from the backyard (<-- what the hell) and a whole lot of bottled up resentment for ppl and society as a Whole | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pixieungerstories · 3 years

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Quarentine - 1

They always say ‘buy the worst house on the best block that you can afford’ and god knows this place was a total shit hole. 1200 square feet on an overgrown lot surrounded by McMansions. Hell, I paid less for the place that the land was worth. I’m amazed someone hadn’t bulldozed the place years ago.

To make a long story short, I did not look a gift house horse in the mouth.

I mean, it wasn’t a total write off. None of the windows were smashed. There were mature fruit trees in the backyard. If you ignored the weeds and rotting fruit, there was a lot of potential. The plumbing was lead pipes and the electrical was knob and tube, but I know people and I could trade favours to get that replaced. The foundations were good and the roof barely leaked.

I spent the summer camping in a tent in the back yard and slowly getting the place winterized enough that I could move it.

It was still a creepy ass house when I did. It had a boiler. I had no idea how to deal with that, but I was learning. And I learned how to ignore the whistles, hissing and banging sounds that went with having a boiler. The old rads were cast iron with pretty little details in the corners.

There were holes in the plaster, but I just ignored them. It wasn’t worth fixing when I was going to gut the place and put up drywall eventually. It just made it easier to get at the plumbing.

I started just living in the kitchen and ignoring the rest of the house. I had disconnected the rest of the electrical and plumbing and was using that as a home base while I renovated outwards from there.

There is nothing quite as creepy as sleeping in a sleeping bag on what were probably asbestos tiles in an old house that makes the weird noises that old houses make. I kept reminding myself that they only seemed louder than normal because the place was empty and there was nothing to muffle the sound. The shrieking had to be the upstairs window that didn’t quite shut properly.

I had the feeling that something was watching me and prayed to god it wasn’t rats.

I was in this for the long haul. Get up, shower at the gym, go to work, come home, renovate until it gets dark, shower at the gym, camp out in the kitchen. Not exciting, but satisfying. Let’s face it, this was the only way I was ever going to be able to afford a house.

When the work from home order came, I had to actually get a phone line installed so I could have internet access. Me, my laptop and a kitchen table I rescued from the curbside a while back.

The creepy feeling was worse. I told myself it had to be the isolation kicking in. I skyped with my best friends at night to make up for it. The power was still a bit dodgy and kept going out, but that’s what laptop batteries and cell phones are for, right?

I was sure the cough was from the dust.

The guy delivering groceries left them on the sidewalk instead of the porch. It was fine. I understood completely. I hadn’t done much work on the outside of the building at all.

I realized I was sneezing a bit when I started having to use toilet paper as kleenex.

I was fine. I was young and healthy. I didn’t have any sick days at work so I was determined to just push through.

I tried to get more rest.

I dreamed about something laying a cool hand on my forehead.

The grocery store was out of thermometers.

I mean, did it really matter if I had a fever? I wasn’t leaving the house to share with anyone.

My cough got worse overnight. I was vaguely aware of someone lifting me up and holding a cup of cool water to my lips. I was so fucking thirsty.

“You shouldn’t be here,” I mumbled. “I don’t want you to get sick.”

“I won’t,” a rumbling voice assured me.

I didn’t remember making soup, but I jolted into awareness sitting at the table with a steaming bowl in front of me. Chicken noodle out of a can. It’s not that hard to make. I’m sure I could add water and heat in my sleep. Apparently, I just did.

I was so cold that night. I don’t know where the extra blankets came from, but they were there in the morning.

I don’t know how I ordered a bed while I was sick, but it was there and on my credit card. So was the mattress and sheets. It must have been the fever talking when I ordered them. I would not have picked out anything that old fashioned looking.

How did I get all this stuff up to the second floor bedroom? I’m sure I don’t remember stripping the paint off the closet doors. I must be losing my mind. I slept, I ate, I stopped logging in at work. I just needed to concentrate on getting better.

By the time I was able to stay awake for more than an hour at a time, the city was shut down. I was confined to my house whether I liked it or not. I was suddenly glad my fever addled brain had ordered a bed while I still could.

The watched feeling was worse. I ordered some rat traps with my groceries. I didn’t catch anything. They didn’t take the bait. I swear I heard snickering when I checked them in the morning. That was a new sound for the boiler to make.

“I am losing my mind,” I repeated to myself. Then blushed when I realized I had said it aloud. “And yes, I also talk to myself,” I added for good measure. “At least it is some sound,” I muttered. “I should turn on some music or something.”

Work was officially shut down but I still had the dumpster outback. I spend my awake time cleaning out the other rooms. The advantage of living in a construction zore was all the dust masks. When I needed to actually go out, that might help. In the meantime, I carefully sorted through the things the previous owners had left behind. Some of it was just trash, but there were some old photographs, lost buttons, even a single antique earring.

“No chance of finding a pair, I bet. Still this could be made over into a necklace or something.” Shit. I was talking to myself again, wasn’t I?

I still got tired easily. I dreamed about my mom stroking my hair as I slept.

The footprints I couldn’t explain away.

I had taken down a section of wall and spent the day carrying out the chunks of plaster before microwaving a pizza pop and tucking in early. In the morning there were footprints in the dust. They weren’t mine. They were huge and it was hard to believe they were human. Weird long toes, with the claw tips a little in front were not what I was expecting.

That was the first time I had wanted to leave the house.

I grabbed my stuff and made it to the front yard before I was spotted by a passing patrol car and ordered back inside. I had no idea how to explain that I thought there was some sort of monster living in my house. I was shaking as I went back inside.

“Hello?” I called from the doorway, ready to run. I had no idea where I could even run to. “Um… Is anyone there?” I don’t know what I was expecting. “Hi? Um …. I bought the house, I didn’t know there was any … thing living here. I have been trying to fix it up.”

“I know.”

Fuck. The scratchy, rasping bass voice was not what I was expecting. “I … uh… I can go back to camping in the yard,” I suggested.

“No.”

I waited to hear if he (?) was going to say anything else.

Apparently not.

“Uh … no I can’t stay here? Or no, you don’t even want me camping in the backyard?”

“If I didn’t want you here, I would have had many opportunities to get rid of you.”

Shit. That wasn’t ominous or threatening at all.

With a low chuckle the voice asked, “Did you mean to say that out loud?”

I froze and tried to remember what I had said. Oh. “No, that was an accident. I’m not used to having anyone around to hear me.”

“I always hear you.”

I closed the door and went out to sit in the garden for a moment to think about that. I ended up pacing, swearing and wishing for a cigarette. I hadn’t smoked in years. The sun started to go down and the bugs came out. I was being eaten alive outside. Going inside was scary but he was right. He had lots of time to …

I flung open the door. “Did you order furniture on my credit card?” I demanded.

The laughter that rang out was a whole other level of creepy. I shivered and thought about going back outside. The door pulled itself closed behind me. I spun to look at it and didn’t see anything. I could hear something breathing. I turned again. Nothing.

“If we are both going to live here, can we at least agree on some ground rules?”

“Like what?” was almost purred in my ear. Looking around wildly, I still couldn’t see anything.

I was shaking now. “Is there a way for you to be less scary so I don’t have a heart attack?” I squeaked.

There was nothing but silence. Still my sense of the presence suggested it was gone.

I didn’t sleep that night. I would just start to nod off then jerk myself awake and look wildly around the room. I never saw anything.

Six am, my alarm went off and I could smell coffee.

All the dust had been swept up.

“Hello?” I whispered.

Nothing. I had coffee and cereal and tried not to think about my surprise roommate. I was so tired, I passed out at my computer in the kitchen at some point that morning, only to wake in bed upstairs in the afternoon. “I don’t want you to touch me while I’m sleeping,” I mumbled, painfully aware that there was dick all I could do to stop it.

“Alright,” the voice said, coming from somewhere in the direction of the closet. “But don’t fall asleep at the table then.”

I breathed a faint sigh of relief. I wasn’t expecting the next part.

“You need to eat something now. You are still recovering.”

There was a can of soup heating on the stove. My breakfast dishes were gone. I found them clean and dry in the cupboard. “Thank you,” I whispered. He didn’t reply. As I ate lunch, I was psyching myself into going upstairs to look in the closet. The door had been painted shut when I got the house, but at some point had been stripped down to the bare wood.

I hadn’t worked up the nerve by the time I was done eating. Or washing and drying the dishes. I found myself at the bottom of the stairs staring up at the second floor. Did I really want to see what was in that closet?

No.

But it would be better to look during the light of day.

Eventually, I made it up there. I put my hand on the knob and tried to turn it. It didn’t budge.

“You want rules?” the voice growled behind me. I spun, there was nothing there. “Do not open that door. Do not come into my space.”

I went from trembling from nerves to bolting down the stairs in an instant. I nearly tripped, but felt something - him? - catch me and set me on my feet.

“Careful,” he purred.

I spent the rest of the day in the garden again. I was still out there when the sun went down and the back light turned on. Then the kitchen light and for a moment I could see something outlined against the antique curtains I hadn’t replaced in the kitchen. I tried to remind myself that he wasn’t necessarily that big. He might just be closer to the light and casting a bigger shadow.

I didn’t believe it, but I tried.

I crept back into the house like a scared child who wasn’t sure how angry their parents were going to be after they had done something wrong. I turned on all the lights on the main floor and stayed in the kitchen away from the stairs.

“Planning on staying up all night?”

I jumped. “How are you always behind me?”

“I live in the shadows. Go to bed.”

“Um… I was thinking, that should be your room, really. Your closet. You picked out the bed. I can just camp down -”

“No. Go to bed.”

“Do you really think I’m going to be able to sleep in a room with a closet that must not be opened? I have read Blue Beard, you know.”

“So have I. The wife gets the house and lives happily ever after.”

“The last wife does,” I pointed out. “The first dozen or so didn’t.”

He chuckled at that. “We made a deal, remember?”

“Are you teasing me? What deal?”

“I don’t touch you in your sleep. You don’t sleep in the kitchen anymore.”

“How big are you?”

The lights flickered and went off.

“Do you want to see me?” he purred, so close that I could feel his breath on my neck.

“Not in the dark,” I squeaked.

“Go to bed.”

The light snapped back on, leaving me blinking.

I spent the night sitting on the bed with my back pressed against the headboard trying to see the whole room at one. Eventually, I fell asleep.

My alarm did not go off at six. It had been turned off. The coffee was ready but not turned on when I went down stairs. The air smelled faintly of solder. There was a post-it stuck to the coffee maker. Fine copperplate handwriting told me:

I have replaced the plumbing

I stared at it dumbly. I had replaced the plumbing to the kitchen sink and the downstairs powder room and had been washing out of the sink since I had been forced to stay home. The only other plumbing was down to the washing machine in the cellar and the upstairs bathroom. I pushed the button on the coffee maker and slowly crept upstairs.

Sure enough the stack of copper pipe waiting in the other bedroom was gone.

Well, not gone. I could see it installed through the holes in the walls. I turned on the tap to the sink and sure enough, I had water. I now had an upstairs, working bathroom with a clawfoot tub.

And no walls.

“I don’t like the idea of you watching me bathe,” I called out. Then I felt like an idiot because if whatever it was had voyeur tendencies, it could have been watching me for months. I tried all the taps and the toilet. Everything worked.

“Thank you,” I mumbled, unsure if I was talking to myself.

“You’re welcome.” It was the least creepy, most normal thing I had heard from him.

----

When I got back downstairs, there still wasn’t coffee but there was a new note:

Humans who do not sleep start to hallucinate

I crumbled it up, threw it across the room and jabbed the on switch on the coffee maker. Nothing happened. I growled as I plugged it in. The power went out.

“Oh come on! Withholding coffee is cruel and unusual punishment!”

“Sleep.” It sounded like the whole house had murmured that last bit.

I wish I could say I handled it gracefully, but I didn’t. I stomped back up to the bedroom like a petulant child.

I woke to bright sunlight streaming in through the window. The house was quiet and it felt empty for the first time in days. I had a bath and washed my hair and I felt better than I had in days too. Clean and dry and dressed, I bounced into the kitchen to try and turn on the coffee again only to see my laptop snap shut.

It was with a lot of trepidation that I opened it. I was expecting a ridiculous online purchase which is why I stared dumbly at the screen unable to process what I was seeing.

It was a CGI woman with her hands tied to something over her head being railed by a monster who was fingering her clit with one hand and fondling her breasts with the other while her belly distended in rhythm with his thrusts.

“Ugh! Dude! You can NOT watch porn on my laptop!” I shrieked as I frantically tried to close the window.

“Would you rather I watch you?” he asked calmly from somewhere to the left of me.

I breathed out a shaky breath. “OK. Let’s talk about private browser windows and how not to get a computer virus.”

When I got to the end of my tentative explanation, I asked, “Do you need … some alone time?”

There was another house shaking howling laugh.

“Is that a yes or a no?”

“You need to eat.”

That brought up a whole other issue. “Do you? Eat I mean. Do you eat? What do you eat?”

“Don’t worry about me. I am not going to eat you. Unless you ask nicely.”

I blushed even further but got out a pan and a skillet meal from the fridge.

I spend the rest of the afternoon weeding the garden. I came in when it got dark, heated up my leftovers from lunch and tried to figure out what to do with myself. The nap had meant that I wasn’t tired for the first time in days.

I wondered what he would do if I watched a movie. I hunted through the cupboards and found a bag of microwave popcorn from before the virus started. Right! I thought. Bowl of popcorn, a movie, skype with a few friends. Pretend none of this was happening.

I wasn’t surprised when the lights went out. That was just a thing now. My computer was still illuminating a bubble around me and B99 was still hilarious.

I wasn’t expecting the bed to dip next to me. That once again raised the question of how to deal with him around others. I hit the mute button. “What are you doing?” I asked icily.

“Not touching you. What are you eating?”

“Human food.”

“Hmmm.”

I unmuted my computer to answer Penny’s question about how stir crazy I was going.

“12/10 on the looney toons scale,” I offered.

She just laughed.

All of the popcorn was gone.

“Ah hell.”

“What’s wrong?” Penny asked.

“All my popcorn is gone,” I grumbled. I didn’t add that I had more than half a bowl left a moment ago. Not eating me, I reminded myself.

“That sucks. Need to pause and get more?”

“I don’t have anymore.”

She just laughed, “But do you still have toilet paper and hand sanitizer?”

I chuckled, “Toilet paper, at least.”

“I should go. It’s getting late,” she said with a yawn.

“Yeah. Good night.” After Penny signed off, I just let Netflix autoplay the next episode.

“Do you need to sleep?” The whisper seemed to come from the direction of the closet but the bed was still dipped under his weight on my other side.

My heart leapt to my throat. “How many of you are there?”

“Just me,” he purred too close to my ear. I flung myself away from him and toppled out of bed. Two hands caught me.

Two other hands caught my laptop.

I stared as it was placed back on the bed a little way in front of me. The hands on my arms were cool and smooth. “What are you?”

“I am me. I have not asked your name. You will not ask mine.”

“My name is on the mail. And my credit card. You know my name,” I pointed out keeping my eyes locked on the screen, fighting the urge to look around.

“Nonetheless.”

This wasn’t going to work, but I had to try. “I would like to be alone now.”

The bed shifted as the weight was removed from the side. The black shadows that could be fingers moved from my computer. The voice said, “Good night” from the direction of the closet.

I sat frozen. “In the morning, I’m moving the bed to another room.”

“Why?”

“Because the closet is yours and it’s scary being here with you,” I admitted.

“I have never done anything to harm you.”

“You scare the shit out of me multiple times a day.”

There was a long pause before he replied, “And yet you haven’t left.”

“The city is on lock down. I can’t leave.”

“Hmm.”

I jumped as my laptop snapped shut. I fumbled in the dark trying to find it on my bed, “What are you doing?” I demanded.

“Taking this downstairs. I will not bother you tonight.”

“What-” I started to say, then snapped my mouth shut as the realization that this may be his ‘alone time’.

This time the “Good night,” came from the bedroom door.

In the morning the only thing in my browsing history was netflix. This was less comforting since I had shown him how to clear the cache. I told myself at least the keyboard wasn’t sticky.

#quarantine #oh my god they were quarantined

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archetypal-archivist · 3 years

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My Beloved, Penis

Fuck it. I was infected by Penis SMP by @demonboyhalo reblogging a bunch of it and the lack of consistent lore bugged me, so I somehow banged out 2000+ words of fanfic about the Penis SMP and how it got started. Lots of internet humor and classic MInecraft shenanigans in this one folks. *slaps roof* This baby can fit so much crack treated seriously, lol. This is also up on my AO3, Zazibine, if you would prefer to read it there.

_-_-_-_

It was never supposed to get so big. It was just an SMP with a couple friends of his he had met from the Hypixel discord server, where he had logged on simply to trash talk the absolute asshole who had dared to kill him last minute in bedwars, only to stumble upon said asshole- going under the name shittyfartbaby69 of all things- complaining to his girlfriend(?) Milfboss in the voice chat. Thirty minutes later of awkward hellos and the manliest of bitching at each other (with Milf chiming in every once in a while to roast them both), and PenisUnavailable had perhaps his first Minecraft friend in, like, forever.

Then Admiral_Anus had entered chat, bitching about his competitor in ABBA Mining and his bullshit bad luck and the whole process repeated. By the end of the day, Penis had three new friends, a private discord server for the four of them, and a promise to meet up with them in Hypixel next Sunday for the ultimate round of bedwars.

The game went spectacularly. Somehow, Admiral had some of the best bridging skills any of them had ever seen, and between Milfboss' terrifying Scottish screaming and pvp and Shitty with his clutch TNT skills, the three of them almost made up for Penis' awful depth perception. They still lost around forty percent of their games, but that was certainly better than Penis' own abysmal record, not helped with his habit of walking off the edge at inconvenient times.

And it was... fun. Usually bedwars was just him playing in his bedroom alone for an hour before he rage-quit and went back to survival for a bit before he died to fall damage and rage quit that too. But shittyfartbaby69 would crack dirty jokes that he'd never even heard of before, and Milfboss would roast him for looking it up on reddit and Shitty would cuss her out as he tried to prove that no, he was being original- all while Admiral would comment of them as if they were a sideshow display. Then Admiral_Anus would turn around and knock an enemy player off their island with some clever pvp and they would all hoot and holler and swear for a while before going back to their conversation, joking about forgetting the topic and starting up a running gag about something new.

And their accents, mmm. PenisUnavailable would never say it, but he really was as American as white Wonder bread and Milfboss' Scottish brogue, Admiral's smooth British snark, and Shitty's shrieking in Australian, well. Ear candy, you know? Even if he teased them mercilessly for pronouncing shit wrong, like "buhguhr". Ppffttt, it still cracked him up how Milfboss had threatened to murder him after the dictionary app on his phone had proved him right that it was actually "Bur-gur", even if Admiral kept insisting it was pronounced "bruh-girl".

Four hours and twenty-eight wins later, they had agreed to meet up the next day to play again, preferably at an hour that wasn't two am for Shitty again. (It was two am for Shitty again, although that was because they played for six that time.) Eventually, it just became a regular thing, them playing bedwars and competing at ABBA Caving- the one game Penis was unnaturally good at, much to Admiral's annoyance- to the point where they ran out of funny jokes about their competitors and the game itself and started talking personal anecdotes.

Milfboss owned a motorcycle. Admiral, entirely independently, also owned a motorcycle, as that was the only vehicle of reasonable speed and style that could actually handle the London traffic. Shitty couldn't drive at all, something about never passing his driving test. Admiral ate cheese at breakfast. Shitty liked to burn his garbage in a metal oil drum in his backyard. Milfboss posted herself singing covers of shit over on Youtube. And it wasn't just real life stuff either- their minecraft skills were also on the table for them all to collectively roast.

Admiral had never seen a single Minecraft Championship. Milfboss thought a flat cobblestone roof was entirely acceptable. Shitty's favorite block was the flint and steel. (That's not a block, sixty-niner. Shut up, is too. OoOh, real clever, 'shut up'! Uh, how about no? How about I fuckin' make you, ever think 'a that? No nono nonono, I'm on two hearts! I'm on two hearts, stop!) It made him curious, honestly. He wanted to see Milf's builds for himself, get revenge on Shitty, see if Admiral really could beat the Ender Dragon with a knockback stick like he said he could.

So he made a minecraft server. And they all joined it. (And stuck PenisUnavailable with the bill, suckaaahhh~!)

Predictably, it all went to Hell in a hand basket pretty quick.

See, it's one thing to play with nutters like his friends in a structured set up like Hypixel games, it's quite another to try and keep a semblance of order in an open world survival server like the Penis SMP. The first five minutes had been him trying to explain the rules and teleporting everyone back to spawn over and over as they tried to "escape the cops," ie, him. The next five minutes was Shitty scream-laughing "scatter!" and other John Mulany references down the mic as everyone ran off to start their houses. Penis, as he was still "god" at that moment, used admin commands to find the closest flower field biome to settle into, hoping for some- ha- peace and quiet.

Shitty, inevitably, ended up trying to settle in the fucking Nether. Like a mad lad, you know, as you do when you are apparently obsessed with all things lava. Milfboss ended up making an oak plank box of a "tree house" in a dark oak forest, while Admiral_Anus picked a nearby swamp for his starter base. Outside of that, they just kinda vibed in discord as they tried to fend off the mobs and get enough resources to try and build up houses that were a bit more than cobblestone towers and wood boxes- er, mostly. Milf kinda just fucked off to go mining, found a skeleton spawner by chance, and made a set of iron gear to stand in the dungeon room with to just chill and kill mobs for a while. She ended up with something like 45 levels and burned her only diamond on an enchanting table so she could buff the Hell out of her iron weapons and armor.

Penis, rather typically, he though to himself, put together a basic sheep farm and started work on a cute little cobblestone cave base. He managed to get a whole twenty by twenty block room done and fully furnished before he noticed the chat full of Shitty's death messages and went to go investigate. After nearly dying in lava twice, he managed to find Shitty's pile of items floating on a basalt pillar about a hundred blocks out from his... base?

It was a soccer ball. Shitty's base was a perfect fucking spherical soccer ball made up of quartz blocks and basalt. Just. What. The Fuck??? Then out popped shittyfartbaby69 and it was PenisUnavailable's turn to misjudge a jump and plummet right into lava. Fifteen minutes and much shrieking later about losing his diamond pick, and it turns out that Shitty didn't really care about his lost items, as he really only had four gold picks, a stack of dark oak, two furnaces, a bucket, and thirteen cooked mutton to his name. Not even a bed, the fucker. He just ran back to his portal from spawn every time he just burned to death, taking the chance to gather resources on the way back each time.

And no, he wasn't following a tutorial for his "football" base. Jerk. (Although Penis did have to admire his determination...)

The day ended on Milfboss, Shitty, and Penis reconvening back at spawn to try and hunt down Admiral_Anus, who they found later having built a thirty block tall castle of all things. Out of cobble stone and the windows weren't quite even, but still, it was pretty impressive. And of course, when presented with a castle, what can what do but siege it? So they lay siege to the castle and Milfboss curb-stomped Admiral in pvp and laid claim to the throne, crowning herself queen before summarily throwing the rest of them out. It was a good day.

And the day after was a good day. They played dodge ball crossed with hide and seek in forest around Penis' house with arrows supplied by Milfboss. And the day after that, too, where they had a building competition using nothing but cobble stone, specifically to spite Milfboss, who had kicked all of their asses the day before. In fact, three wonderful weeks passed of doing normal Minecraft shit and being friends passed by, and every bit of it was great fun.

And then came the fucking role play.

PenisUnavailable would have liked to preface that with he only participated under duress, but really, Milfboss had been queen for too long and nobody wanted to risk TNT cannoning any of Shitty's nice builds, so. Well, the castle was better than his drafty cave, alright? It was cold and wet and didn't have a proper door because aesthetic (and because it usually took him several tries to work an iron pressure plate door), so there were far too many mobs wandering in at night and spawn camping him. He and Shitty had almost the same number of deaths and Shitty lived in the fucking Nether.

So yeah. Castle time, baby! Daddy needs a new home! And Admiral obviously wasn't happy living out of Milf's awful tree house hot box where they all did drugs together on day fifteen and it still smelled of burnt wheat seeds, aka "weed." It was only obvious that they teamed up to try and take back the castle.

The battle itself didn't exactly go great, but it wasn't exactly horrible either. A lot of shouting shit at each other for fifteen minutes, the majority of which he wouldn't remember until it was too late- something about server unity?- only to find out that it wasn't two on one girl boss, it was two on a girl boss and her "baked out of his mind" henchman, also known as Shitty in a squirrel furry skin.

The ears man. Those stupid (cute) ears.

And then they were running for their lives because Milf had somehow gotten her hands on a flame bow with infinity enchants.

It all culminated in a dramatic stand-off in front of Shitty's Nether Soccer ball, Milf on one side, diamond axe in hand, not a bit of armor on because of an unfortunate run in with lava, Penis and Admiral on the other, picks in hand, threatening to tear down shittyfartbaby69's base. Shitty wasn't online just then to comment, but they could all hear him click-clacking away on his keyboard so he obviously hadn't gone to sleep just yet like he said he had. At an impasse, and unable to justify letting her teammate's home be used as collateral, Milfboss stood down and gave up her "crown," an enchanted golden Prot IV helmet she had gotten off a skeleton from her spawner.

Then the great betrayal, the beginning of the end. Shitty came back online. 96-Cam joined the game, not that they noticed in the chaos. Admiral-Anus cackled wildly and PMed Milfboss the message that Shitty had sent him, giving Team Gay Sex permission to tear down his base in the name of winning the war if it came down to it- making Milf's sacrifice worthless in the end. Penis gave another dramatic speech, circling around Shitty, who was acting weirdly apologetic to Milf about betraying her and still wearing that fucking squirrel furry skin.

"You see Milf, there's one thing more powerful than a girl boss, and when it comes down to wars between kingdoms, there's something you need to remember!" Penis got out his golden ax, helpfully labeled 'Piss Off'. "And that's a dilf with something to lose!" An enderpearl in his off hand and he teleported behind Milf, catching on fire from the lava but still landing the last hit needed to finish her off. She puffed into a cloud of EXP, swearing up a storm, and then Admiral and Penis turned their gaze to the cheering Shitty.

"AAAAAYYY, LET'S GO DADDY!" the squirrel man screeched, wild laughter shorting out the discord voice chat, making him go quiet in patches when the volume overloaded the client. Behind him, Admiral quietly started building a chair out of birch fence posts and slabs.

"Not so fast, shit-ty-fart-baaaaa-byyyyy~, this isn't quite over yet!" Penis fucking chirped, barely holding back his laughter. "You're still a fucking traitor and we can't have you backstabbing us too. Get in the chair for Daddy, okay baby?"

Admiral finished the chair just in time for Shitty to turn around and see the completed monstrosity, shrieking dying off immediately. "Oh screw you, that's just mean. The Hell man? That's not a chair, that's illegal. If you want an electric chair or some shit, just ask. That's just sad." Mentally shrugging, Admiral lit up his work with a flint and steel while Penis pillared up above where Shitty was building an electric chair out of iron bars and trap doors. Admiral nudged Shitty into the chair, Penis dumped a bucket of lava over the edge of the pillar so it flowed over him, and Shitty started giving a soliloquy about how betrayal and how his love for his "Daddy" still "burned strong".

Like his dick. Apparently.

By the time the lava finally hit the floor and burned Shitty to death, Penis was crying with laughter, shrieking down the mike and banging on the desk hard enough to make him forget that his was still on the mouse, making him mine the block under him with the bucket and sending him hurtling to his fiery death too.

It was a good day... almost.

Because, as it turned out, shittyfartbaby69 was actually a tiktokker of some renown and his cam account had record everything. And he had uploaded the bit to tiktok, as you do, where it went viral, where it wasn't supposed to. And Milfboss, who had recently been uploading covers of herself singing old classic Minecraft songs, had attracted the Minecraft fandom kids to her twitter, where she had gone to post her rage about the events of her dethroning and Shitty's execution.

Penis SMP had gotten on. Fucking. Trending. And now everyone was demanding the full clip, their names, their Twitch streamer handles, their characters' backstories.

The masses wanted lore.

Penis watched in disbelief, head in his hands and mouth agape as sugar crash played over a clip of him killing Milf on loop.

They were making memes.

...Oh god. They were screwed.

#penismp #penis smp #fanfiction #minecraft #my writing #crack #crack treated seriously #also on ao3 #penisunavailable #milfboss #shittyfartbaby69 #admiral_anus

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sunsetinmyvein · 4 years

Text

CLOSED (for now)

All right, all right, ALL RIGHT. PEOPLE. For the first time, I am taking requestsssss (so, let’s see if this goes well or not lol). @aphxsia‘s taking requests, @dot-writes is taking requests, everyone is taking them and I just felt a tad left out, y’know? I’ve chopped up a bunch of other prompt lists to throw together this lovely prompt list below at the suggestion of Dot. My general idea is: send me a character, and one prompt from the “dialogue” side as well as one prompt from the “context” side (or more if you have more that fit together in an idea, I suppose. But I need one of each to get a VibeTM) and Iiiiii’ll do my best to make it work within a character x OFC/Reader sorta thing. Oh, and send me an album era for added flair, if you’d like. Deets below the cut.

I’ll write for:

- The boys of Fall Out Boy

- The boys of Panic! At the Disco (we’re talkin’ Ryan and Jon days)

- The boys of The 1975

- And, if you’re incredibly ambitious, also willing to give Alex Gaskarth of All Time Low a whirl

Rules:

- Can’t do smut (sorry, it’s just awkward and clunky for me to write and nobody wants that)

- Won’t write characters under 18

- Won’t write slash

- I just kind of reserve the right to be like “I dunno what to do with this, sorry” (But I’ve curated this prompt list, so I should be okay lol)

- I’ll get around to them when I get around to them - I’ll be writing them around The Radio Station being posted as well, so you won’t be starved for content.

Dialogue:

· “You’re not in love with them, are you?”

· “I could literally strangle you right now and no one would stop me.”

· “It’s not as bad as it looks.” - “You’re not very convincing.”

· “You need to relax.” - “Relaxing is for the weak.”

· “How long has it been since you’ve slept?” - “A week?”

· “How the fuck are you still alive?” - “It’s a special talent of mine.”

· “Can you please just listen to me for once?”

· “I think this is a bad idea.” - “You think all of my plans are bad ideas.”

· “You should really listen to me more.”

· “Do I even want to know?”

· “You have the cutest smile I’ve ever seen.”

· “Just take care of yourself, okay?”

· “Please don’t use cheesy pickup lines on me.”

· “I like it when you’re romantic.”

· “I’m going to be pissed if we get murdered.”

· “How could I resist?”

· “I’m sorry, I don’t speak dumbass.” - “Real mature.”

· “You’re worth every scratch.”

· “I could name about 110 things I love about you.” - “That’s oddly specific.”

· “We can raise hell together.”

· “Partners?”

· “Don’t get too cocky now.”

· “Fuck me.” - “Really?” - “No.”

· “I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic.”

· “Do you trust me?” - “Should I?”

· “Do you have any idea on how frustrating you can really be?”

· “I really, really want to kiss you right now.”

· “I think we got off on the wrong foot.” - “You think so?”

· “I don’t think that cancels out.” - “It does in my book.”

· “You’re being dramatic.” - “I’m not being shit!”

· “Take a break.” - “I don’t need it.” - “You look like a fucking zombie.”

· “Then we’ll leave. Just you and me.”

· “Do you need help? - “No… yes.”

· “I hate you.” - “I love you too.”

· “You have something in your hair, umm… Do you want me to get it out?”

· “It’s nice that your voice was the first thing I heard today.”

· “No, like…. It’s just, I can’t believe you’re actually wearing my clothes.”

· “Would it be too cliche if we matched clothes a little?”

· “My friends get so annoyed by how much I talk about how sometimes.”

· “Wanna, like– I mean, if you’re not busy… We could get lunch? Or even just coffee if you don’t have a lot of time?”

· “Quit smiling at me, I can’t stop messing up my sentences when you look at me like that.”

· “What are you smiling about?”

· “What’s in it for me?”

· “Could you say that again?” “Were you not listening?” “No I was, I just like hearing your voice.”

· “You’re an idiot.” “But you love me.”

· “Is that my shirt?” “You mean our shirt?”

· “You come here often?” “Well considering I work here, yes.”

· “Are you blushing?”

· “Your hair is really soft.”

· “You’re really warm.”

· “You owe me.” “Fine, whatever you like.”

· “I love you.” “Tell me that when you’re sober.”

· “I wasn’t lying when I told you that I loved you.”

· “It’s pouring rain why are you here?”

· “Is that blood?” “Yes, but that doesn’t matter right now, what does matter is-” “You are literally bleeding.”

· “Cheers, I’ll drink to that.” “You drink to everything.” “Cheers!”

· “Why is there a deer in the room?”

· “Is that vodka? At 7 in the morning?”

· “Wake me up when it’s over.”

· “Why is arson always your first answer?”

· “Are you flirting with me?”

· “Are they really ‘just a friend’?”

· “Is there a reason you never say my first name?”

· “Shh… listen… that’s the sound of me falling in love with you.”

· “I have to tell you something really important and if I don’t tell you now, I won’t get the chance.”

· “Whatever he’s saying, he’s lying!”

· “I play a mean air guitar, if that’s what you’re asking.”

· “I thought you knew?”

· “We can, y’know, go together? If that’s a thing you’d like.”

Context:

· I remembered it was Valentine’s Day late on my way from work and the only place still open was McDonald’s, is bringing you a cheeseburger acceptable?

· I accidentally punched you in the face when I was too overexcited about something

· The library’s pretty empty save for you and me and, OH that couple making out loudly in the shelves somewhere

· You’re overdue on this book and I want it so I’m tracking you the fuck down

· You give me a different fake name every time you come into this coffee shop and I just want to know your real name because you’re cute but here I am scrawling “batman” onto your stupid cappuccino

· We live in the same block of flats but haven’t ever talked and Sunday morning we were both doing the walk of shame and had to stand in the lift together

· “My shower’s broken but I’ve got a date tonight could I possibly use your shower please?” “Oh sure (neighbour that I’ve been crushing on for the past six months) of course you can use my shower to get ready for your date (fuck fuck fuck)”

· You’ve got a date tonight and you asked for advice on what to wear but I’m so in love with you and damn you look good in the outfit I picked out for you

· It’s my high school reunion and I need a hot date so I can rub it in the faces of the people who hated me

· There’s a person who won’t stop bugging me will you pretend to be my partner so that they’ll fuck off?

· I wanted to go on the Ferris wheel but there has to be two people to a cart come on random person let’s go – oh, wait, are we stuck at the top? Fuck

· It started to snow and I’m the only one of our friends who would go outside with you – I soon found out why none of the others would go out in the snow with you when you shoved a handful of snow down my back and declared snow war

· It’s nowhere near Christmas it’s literally still November would you calm down about Christmas wait no why are you getting the tree out – no, stop, please stop

· You were waving at your friend behind me but I got confused and waved back at you and now I’m dying of embarrassment but you think it’s cute

· I’m a waiter at this wedding and you’re a drunk guest who will not stop hitting on me please I’m trying to work no I can’t dance with you omg let me find you some water

· You’re pretending to be your friend’s lover for the sake of the friend’s family. But, I’m their sibling. And I know you’re not dating.

· You had an assigned seat next to them at a wedding for a mutual friend.

· You accidentally sprayed them with yogurt when you opened the lid the wrong way.

· They mistook your bowling ball for theirs in the shared ball return.

· They caught you when you slipped on ice and nearly fell over.

· Accidentally stepping on their heel in a crowded room.

· Tripping while getting into your seat in the theatre and spilling your popcorn on them.

· Accidentally opening a door on their face.

· They cover the small amount of change you are short on for a purchase.

· They see your ice cream drop to the ground and buy you a new one.

· You walk out of a dressing room asking if the outfit suits you, but it’s not your friend waiting outside the room like you thought.

· Sharing an umbrella at a bus stop as it rains.

· You help catch their dog when the leash slips from their hand.

· Texting the incorrect number but continuing the conversation.

· Getting paired up on an amusement park that requires even numbered riders.

· A friend of a friend needs a place to crash because they got evicted

· You’re so sunburnt you can’t even more, do you need help?

· I admit that sleeping on the beach wasn’t the smartest idea but someone buried me in sand please help me

· I met you last night when you were drunkenly patting my dog in my backyard at 3am and when I asked you what the hell you were doing, you slurred something about dogs being great and then you threw up on my feet. Fifteen minutes later you were passed out on my couch so that’s why you’re here right now. What the fuck is your name.

· I always see you eat breakfast on the train and you always offer me some

· I’m waiting for the train and the only open seat is on a bench next to you. Okay, sure, I’ll sit down next to the very cute person and I JUST SPILLED MY DRINK ALL OVER YOU I’M SO SORRY.

· I don’t know you, but I fall asleep on the train every ride home and you always wake me up because we have the same stop, but we’ve never actually talked. Then one day you’re the one falling asleep and I got so excited for my comeuppance I made us get off at the wrong stop.

· My cat steals underwear and I come home to find you chasing my cat to get your underwear back.

· We’re always making stupid bets like ‘bet you can’t drink this whole bottle of BBQ sauce’ but then you did and now you’re sick and I feel really bad. Let me look after you

· Did you actually just blue shell me on our date you fucker

· I beat you at Mario Kart and now I’ve been banished to the couch for the night

· I’m calling to cancel our date because I’m actually in the ER right now, sorry. I mean… sure? I guess you can come down here but- okay…

· I asked a staff member and they said you’ve been coming to the pound every day to play with the dog I’m taking home today and that’s why you’re getting weirdly emotional

· It’s my turn to open up the café today and you were sleeping under one of the tables when I came in, and I don’t know what to say so I’m just awkwardly sweeping around you

· I’m drunk on public transport and you’re high and we both keep looking at each other knowingly.

· You’re mowing your lawn at 5am and that is completely unacceptable and I’m going over to your house to yell at you about how unacceptable that is.

· It’s like 3am and my roommate locked me out of the house and I forgot my keys and I’m really drunk and please take pity on me and let me crash at your place for the night o’neighbour of mine

· We decided it would be fun to go camping and now it’s raining and we can’t figure out how to set up the tent.

· I know it’s probably poor taste to ask you out during your relative’s funeral but I don’t know if I’ll ever see you again, so…

· It’s raining. I’m walking home in this downpour and have no umbrella. I’ve taken shelter on a random porch in the hopes that the rain will let up, but the door behind me had just opened

· You’ve got a big, lush pool and I overheard you say you were going out of town, so I snuck over to use it but you came home early

· You’re having a BBQ in your backyard and it smelled really good so I crashed the party

· Not trying to make a scene here, but you took the last pool floatie and I want it

· This is a big beach, why do you have to build that sandcastle right next to me?

· You tried to grab the exact Halloween costume I want and it’s the last one and I want it.

· I pranked the wrong person on accident, I’m so sorry I thought this was my friend’s car.

· We just wanted to do one of these awful, fake ghost hunting shows but now shit is happening and we don’t know what to do.

· I tried to take a shortcut and ended up stuck in this damn fence and you just happen to pass by and after poking fun at me for a million years you finally help me.

· Two strangers locked inside the store at 3am together.

· I accidentally broke your nose in a moshpit, sorry.

· You’re the bastard who keeps parking in my spot so I retaliated by keying your car and you caught me

· This is a long plane ride. You’re stuck next to me, and apparently afraid of flying.

#Posting this now because I am impatient #even though I probably won't have time to work on any until Sunday #hoping that I don't get overloaded with prompts and then stare at them blankly with no ideas #if I do #sorry in advance #definitely not mildly nervous about taking requests for the first time #dunno what you're talking about #sunsetinmyvein prompts #sunsetinmyvein requests #sunsetinmyvein

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sortasirius · 4 years

Note

5 or 19 for Destiel. :)

Hello my friend because I have been so bad at writing prompts or one shots you get BOTH

Link to post

Prompt me up!

5. “WHO LEFT THE TURKEY IN THE OVEN?!”

Words: 1053

A Christmas fic??? I guess my brain just wants the year to be over lmao

Three hours, thirty two minutes, and twenty seven seconds. Sixteen minutes and twenty five seconds until his next check. Dean is not anal-retentive, thank you very much for asking, he just knows that turkeys have about a five minute window from being raw to being like eating sand. It is an exact science that he has perfected over the years. And that is not going to be messed up tonight.

The bunker’s halls are filled with cheesy Christmas music, the smell of the meal that Dean has literally been working on since dawn wafting into every room. It’s their first Christmas as a real family, with Jack back and, well, whole. With Eileen, with Cas. Dean hasn’t had a Christmas since before he went to hell, and even though he clutched that night to his heart like a precious scrap of paper, he’s excited to have a holiday where they don’t have to worry about the next big bad thing coming to get them, or to have tragedy hanging over their heads. To, you know, be normal. Well, as normal as you can get when they had all died multiple times and two of their guests were angelic in nature, the other one recently resurrected from the great beyond.

“You need to talk to Cas,” Sam’s voice comes from the doorway, and Dean barely spares a glance in his direction, too focused on his goal to think about much else. Eileen is with Sam, looking concerned. Concerned enough that Dean stops chopping onions and wipes his hands on his apron (aprons fucking rock).

“What d’you mean? What’s wrong?”

“He says he caught wind of a case,” Sam’s eyebrows are knitted in concern, “He wants to leave.”

Dean feels the color drain out of his face, which is a little embarrassing.

“He wants to leave? Like now?”

“Yeah, he’s grabbing some stuff and getting ready to go.”

Dean stares at them, and then at the oven, where his masterpiece is roasting. He checks his watch. Okay. He has about twenty minutes until he needs to take it out. Well, seventeen minutes and forty-three seconds to be exact. Dean sways on the spot, torn between his carefully prepared and polished bird and having an empty place at the table he had carefully laid out the day before, with the place next to him being empty.

Neither sound appealing, but one makes his gut twist. He decides to handle that one.

He washes his hands methodically, trying to get them as clean and onion-free as he possibly can. Approaching Sam and Eileen, he pokes Sam in the chest.

“Watch that turkey. It’s gotta come out in,” he checks his watch again, “Fifteen minutes and fifty-seven seconds.”

“Okay Dean.”

Dean narrows his eyes and stands his ground, looking between both of their amused faces.

“I’m serious.”

“I can tell you are,” Eileen grins at him, “Please just go get Cas.”

Dean sways again, taking one last sweeping look at the kitchen before stomping towards Cas’ room. Empty. Fuck.

He checks the garage, the basement, checks in with Jack in his room, before finally hearing clanking in the armory. Fucker, gonna take his guns on Christmas Day before he can have his turkey? Dean doesn’t think so.

Cas is methodical in his movements, checking which weapons he was taking and diligently marking them on a list.

“You headed somewhere?”

Cas’ eyes meet his, and Dean’s hostility immediately melts.

“I caught wind of something, but don’t let me put a damper on the festivities, I’ll be back shortly.”

“And this can’t wait? You know, until I could go with you?”

Cas’ shoulders sink a fraction of an inch.

“What’s going on, Cas?”

“I’m just not feeling very festive, human holidays always feel strange to me. So I don’t want to put a damper on anything.”

“So you’re just gonna go? What about-” he cuts himself off, not wanting to sound like he was begging him to stay or anything.

“Dean-”

“Come on Cas, I,” he takes a deep breath, steeling himself to say the next words, “I didn’t get a lot of, uh, happy holidays growing up. It was just me and Sam and I, I was just excited to have a Christmas with everyone, with a real kitchen and have everyone, I don’t know, have someone. Sam has Eileen, Jack has all of us, he’s the kid, and then…you and me…”

The words sound closer to the truth than he meant them to. But Cas’ eyes soften by degrees, Dean could always tell that because they seemed to turn a lighter shade of blue.

“You and me.”

Dean opens his mouth, trying to make his thoughts into words, thoughts that had been buried in the back of his mind for years, literal years.

“You know, we could, be something.”

Cas smiles this bright and blinding smile, something so brilliant that it takes Dean’s breath away, but he doesn’t have time to get it back before Cas closes the space between them and pulls Dean forward by his flannel until they crash together, and Dean searches for Cas lips so quickly it’s a little embarrassing, but he doesn’t really care. Cas’ lips are soft and chapped and warm and Dean sighs into his mouth, relaxing as the tension between them, pulled taught like a string, finally eased.

Cas is the one to break the kiss, but it’s so gentle that Dean knows it isn’t a rebuke, just a wait til later. Dean could live with that.

“So no hunt?”

Cas smiles at him.

“I suppose it can wait. After all, it’s only a spontaneous combustion or two, nothing we can’t handle.”

Dean reaches for his hand instinctively, and it isn’t until he smells a too done smell coming from the kitchen that he starts running, dragging Cas with him.

“WHO LEFT THE TURKEY IN THE OVEN?!”

Sam comes skidding into the room, only barely registering that Cas and Dean are, in fact, holding hands, but grins as he nearly drops Dean’s overdone turkey on the floor in his haste to stop it from burning.

Sam is sufficiently guilty for his transgression, but despite the dryness of Dean’s masterpiece, when he’s holding hands with Cas under the table, he doesn’t really care. People always come for the potato casserole anyway.

19. I love you more than I love food.

Words: 722

Dean’s never been sure where his love of cooking comes from. Hell, it’s not like he ever had a real kitchen growing up, and he sure wasn’t slinging meals when he was five years old and hunting was just a thing he did for bugs in the backyard. He had to work with what they had when they were growing up, even when they stayed with Pastor Jim and Bobby, it wasn’t exactly five star dining. He had come up with foods to keep Sam entertained though, maybe that was where he got it from. The best thing they had were Funyuns crunched up with hot dogs and ketchup. Sounds gross, but when the gas mart down the block is the only place you can walk to to get food and you only have ten dollars to get through the week, that kinda shit rocked hard.

Now that he has a real kitchen, and access to a real grocery store or, even though he hates to admit he goes there, a farmer’s market, Dean cooks all the time. He falls asleep watching food network or The Great British Baking Show, he writes down ideas for recipes on the notes in his phone, sometimes even when he’s half asleep, and then he has to try and remember why he thought garlic and strawberries would ever be good together.

The only thing Dean loves more than cooking? Eating. It’s always gratifying to have Sam or Jack or Cas compliment him on his meals, but if he loved his food it was just an extra bonus for his ego.

Sam starts to notice something though, he notices before Dean does which, retrospectively, pisses Dean off. Dean doesn’t eat when Cas does. He always takes a bite in between Cas’ bites, and watches Cas closely for a reaction, good or bad, to whatever is on his plate.

Dean laughs at Sam the first time he tells him this.

“No I don’t,” he rolls his eyes, going back to prepping his bell peppers for the oven.

“Oh yeah you do,” Sam grins at him, “Pay attention when we eat tonight. You like refuse to eat when Cas is there. It’s funny.”

Dean tries really hard that night not to not eat when Cas does but…come on, he’s gotta see if he likes the peppers with goat cheese right?

Unfortunately, his inability to eat when Cas does becomes a running gag with Sam. He mentions it constantly, even getting Jack in on it, but whenever he mentions it to Cas, Cas just cocks his head to the side and narrows his eyes. Him not saying anything makes Dean that much more self conscious, but he tries not to dwell on it. It doesn’t work.

Dean tries to pretend he has everything under control, until he makes himself and Cas some pretty epic turkey and swiss sandwiches for lunch one day, and he realizes he’s doing it again.

“Sam is right,” Cas points out, looking up from his sandwich.

“He tends to be, more than I’d like to admit,” Dean grins, his eyes scanning the room, landing anywhere but on Cas.

“You won’t eat when I do. Why?”

Dean is afraid to see accusations in Cas’ eyes, or worse, understanding. Understanding of something that not even Dean really understands. Well, he does if he really thinks about it, but he doesn’t want to think about it, sue him.

“I don’t know.”

“Dean. Look at me.”

Dean does, and then he’s under the force of Cas’ eyes, and he has a really hard time lying when he’s looking at Cas.

“Why?”

“I guess…I don’t know. I love you more than I love food.”

Cas seems momentarily stunned by his words, but Dean thinks it’s a pretty good comparison, even though he, you know, said the “l” word. That’s fine, he won’t think about that until he has a spiraling panic attack late at night tonight. That’s a future Dean problem.

“Well I also love you more than I love food,” Cas side-eyes Dean with a playful smile on his face. He thinks he might be being teased. And he’s not mad about it.

“That’s not fair, you’ve never cared about food.”

“I care about yours.”

Dean grins, still staring at the table.

See this, this is why he loves cooking.

#prompts #supernatural #spn #destiel #my writing #thank youuuuuuu #lilly answers #anonymous

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praphit · 4 years

Text

Space Jam: Smells like wholesomeness, with a touch of R.Kelly.

I want to talk a lil "Space Jam"

(that's a very awk pic of Michael Jordan. He doesn't look real. Have aliens possessed MJ? Is that the twist in the movie? You'll have to watch to find out)

I've been thinking to myself, "We need a hero right about now." We need a hero who is strong and wholesome. Heroes today are so...

you know?

yeah, you know...

To find the type of hero that we need, we have to go back to the 90's, and what better 90's hero, in our current time of need, than Michael Jordan?

MJ, at the time of "Space Jam", when he wasn't soaring through the air, was walking and dribbling on water. MJ + Looney Tunes = hell yeah!

Lo and behold, we get some bonus nuggets out of "Space Jam" - a lil bit of MJ's origin story.

Everything starts off wholesome enough - with R.Kelly’s. "I Believe I Can Fly".

Yeah, some of you remember now. This movie actually starts and (spoiler alert) ends with R. Kelly.

A young Mike playing basketball in his backyard with his father. He is telling his father of all of the things he'd like to accomplish when he grows up: he wanted to play at North Carolina, play baseball at some point, play in the NBA, dominate Nike, dominate the world, bang supermodels, everything that all kids want.

The young kid hears the climax of R.Kelly's inspirational hit coming, so (with his dad cheering him on) jumps in the air for an epic slam. He's flying and flying and falling and falling and then lands on his head - blood and brain matter spread out everywhere. There is huge panic on the face of daddy. Walking by, at the perfect moment was a homeless kid, who saw the whole thing.

Dad shouts, "Hey, you! Come here!" The kid runs, but daddy had a bike nearby and caught up with the homeless kid. He convinces this homeless child to help him bury his son (no one knows where), and assume the idenity of the previous Mike.

(We're learning so much)

The rest of his family all had bad eye sight, so the plan worked, and a new (OUR) MJ was born!

"SPACE JAM"!

Then, there's a lot of Michael Jordan footage to the soundtrack of this movie, which I remember being excellent! It wasn't just the gospel musings of R. Kelly, but also Coolio, Salt-N-Pepa, Monica, Jay-Z(with more R.Kelly), Biz Markie, Seal, Barry White.... SPACE JAM, y'all!

There's many cameos in this flick. Ray Ramono's wife in that show... "Everybody hates Ray?" or is it "loves Ray"? Idk I don't know her name either, but she's in it.

Bill Murray at the height of his powers is in it.

Btw - most of the LOL moments come from him.

Newman from "Seinfeld".

And a bunch of terrible-acting NBA stars. Barkley and Jordan are ok, but the rest... Good thing that the Looney Tunes are there to compensate.

Danny DeVito is up in there! - playing a degenerate as usual.

He's always playing that type of role isn't he??

But, then again, look at him.

It's not like he was ever going to compete with the Tom Cruise’s of the world.

Sometimes, people, you gotta play the hand that you're dealt, you know?? - work what you look like. Some people look like drug dealers, some look like beach bums, some look like porn stars, but you gotta rock it.

Some say that I look like a weed dealer. Yep! - pastors have told me this. I'm not saying that I'm going to go around selling pot to pastors, but... you know... you gotta do what you gotta do.

DeVito had a plan... a plan that I do not feel like explaning, so here's a montage of sorts; picture this to the inspirational music of R.Kelly (since he appears to be the background music to MJ):

(I don’t remember which song this one is from... oh well)

Recap:

DeVito wanting to enslave the Looney Tunes, but somehow Bugs Bunny convinced him to play a basketball game instead.

Danny, buddy... that's not how super villainy/dictatorship works. If you've got the power to make slaves, and you want to make slaves, you make slaves. You don't accept a challenge of a basketball game for their freedom.

The Looney Tunes struggle, but they have MJ, so we all know what eventually happens.

A few things:

1) Some fat-shaming when it comes to Newman. BUT, that's more a reflection of how "woke" we've become:) And... look at him.

If you show up to a basketball court looking like this, you're asking for trouble. Remember what I said about playing to how you already look.

2) Lola Bunny -

When she is first introduced, all of the Looney Tunes.... REACT

Let’s just say that all of those mofos should be hashtagged! Bugs, at one point, grabs her ass and forces a kiss on her. She likes it though, i guess. They're both horny as well. Isn't that true about all bunnies?? I heard that they're all horny, all of the time. Hmmm...

A lot of Bugs Bunny scenes are starting to make more sense.

That being said, there's a lot of messages of unity and diligence and belief up in here.

Even though they shamed fatty, he was still able to play with them. And after they all got a chance with Lola, she was able to play as well. She was one of the best players!

This movie still holds up! It's funny, entertaining, and a feel-good for any family hiding in their homes from COVID-19.

Grade: A

In watching MJ play ball in this movie, I was reminded of how great he was in general. Go check out some old footage of him. There's something enchanting about watching someone do what they were meant to do on this earth. It's like watching poetry in motion. I remember being sold a car once by a real sleazebag. He was ripping everyone off (probably even me to a degree), but he was so good at lying to people and talkin shit. I had to compartmentlize for a sec, and appreciate that I was in the presence of greatness. This man was (and IS, if no one has murdered him yet) the MJ of sleazy car sales.

We need a lil more of that in our lives at this time, right?? Not the sleaze, but watching poetry like that of Michael Jordan.

I wonder what MJ would do about this current pandemic? Though, the real MJ is rumored to be quite the gambler, and with a lack of sports to bet on, he might be gambling on other things... like if people are infected or not; which is terrible. I could see him having a closet filled with tests, but only for gambling purposes.

So, let's not think about that. Let's stick with 90's "Space Jam" Mike! What would he do? How would he lead us?

Wouldn't it be nice if he could simply challenge COVID-19 to a game of basketball, for our freedom?

I read a headline that said Trump had contacted Arod for advice on COVID-19.

Different sport, but maybe Trump's thinking the same solution. Time will tell.

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meetthemidwest · 5 years

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About Indiana, Kentucky, and Ohio playing video game, I have to know what they said during the subspace emissary gameplay. May we hear about what happened? Please and thank you, you fabulous person

This took so long and I’m so sorry but finals week happened and I had to study for apush! There are spoilers, but the game came out in 2008 so I’m not too concerned. I still put it under the cut just in case someone didn’t want it spoiled. I really hope tumblr doesn’t cut this, there’s a lot here.

Subspace Emissary is a two player story mode in Smash Bros Brawl, and since there are three of them, Indiana, Kentucky, and Ohio take turns. Indiana and Ohio play the first level.

Indiana: You know what? I kind of relate to Kirby.Kentucky: Please explain what the hell that means.Indiana: He inhales food and killed god.Ohio: Oh please, you haven’t killed god yet.Kentucky: Yet? YET??

After the whole fight with Mario and Kirby, there’s a part where the Halberd flies over the stadium and drops a bunch of shadow bugs.

Ohio: Those things look like the mold that was growing in my basement last year.Indiana: Glowing and purple?Kentucky: Delicious.Ohio: What the actual fuck Kentucky?Kentucky: No, you don’t understand, nature is delicious.Indiana: Oh really? I’ll be right back.She comes back in five minutes later with an armful of plants from Ohio’s backyard.Kentucky: *picks up a leaf* There’s a spider on this one.Indiana: Eat it.Ohio: DON’T EAT IT!Kentucky: Aw, it fell.Ohio: *jumps from his chair to the table* Fucking kill it already!Indiana promptly throws it at him and he screams like a girl. The video cuts there. It comes back to Indiana and Ohio arguing over who to save in the first boss battle.

Indiana: Zelda’s twenty times better than Peach you dumbass!Ohio: Peach is the original Nintendo princess! You respect the originals or I’ll put you in the goddamn dirt!Kentucky: You just got a game over.Indiana: No one asked for your input Bill Monroe!Kentucky: How the hell do you know who that is?The video devolves into screaming. It cuts to Kentucky and Ohio playing while Indiana eats a pot of Kraft macaroni and cheese. They’ve saved Peach and moved on.

Kentucky: Hey, it’s Pit from Kid Icarus on the NES!Indiana: Fucking nerd!Ohio: Nice redesign.Kentucky: Yeah, well, if we aren’t going to get Geno, it’s nice that an obscure Nintendo game is getting some love.Ohio: *looks directly into the camera* Localize Mother 3 you cowards.Kentucky: PLAYER TWO CAN TELEPORT HELL YES YOU’RE CARRYING THE TEAM OHIO!

Indiana: DOnkEy KoNG!Kentucky: Did Diddy Kong always have guns or is that a new thing?Ohio, drinking tea in the background: Neither of you have ever played Donkey Kong Country and it shows.Kentucky: Oh god, Danky Kang just sacrificed himself for his son!Indiana: Wish that was the relationship I had with Quebec but he just calls me his bastard daughter and I call him my asshole father.Kentucky: Oof.

Ohio: Oh shit, Indi, get your xylophone, we’ve got a pokemon!Indiana: *starts playing the original pokemon battle theme on the xylophone while Kentucky fights Rayquaza but dies because he’s laughing too hard.*

Indiana: That feeling when you’re kidnapped by a small primate in a baseball cap.Ohio: No, that can happen. Have you ever been to the zoo?Kentucky: Are you okay?Ohio: *voice crack* no.

*Lucas and Porky appear*Ohio, ripping the controller out of Kentucky’s hands: YOU LEAVE MY BABY ALONE YOU CAPITALIST FUCK!Indiana: Oh shit, he’s crying!Kentucky: And I’m the nerd?Indiana: Shut up nerd, Mother 3 was hard on him.

*Ness appears*Indiana: SNES is just a word scramble of Ness.Kentucky: Mother 3 confirmed?Ohio: NOOO NESS JUST GOT FUCKING KILLED BY WARIO!Indiana: Weak.

*Pokemon Trainer appears*Kentucky: ASH KETCHUM???Indiana: You’re so stupid. It’s Red, obviously.Ohio: Red and Ash Ketchum’s secret love child.Indiana: *Gets up* I quit.

*Battlefield Fortress*Ohio: You know what this looks like?Kentucky: Oh god please no.Indiana: *pulls out Kentucky’s xylophone* Ready when you are.Kentucky: Indiana, if you value our friendship, please don’t do this.Indiana: We’re not friends though.*Marth is introduced. Indiana starts playing Together We Ride on the xylophone. Ohio joins in on a green plastic kazoo. Kentucky slams his face into the table and gets a nosebleed.*

Indiana: Hey it’s Spanish Batman from Kirby Right Back At Ya!Ohio: Never say those words in front of me again.

*Ike appears*Kentucky: Please don’t-Indiana and Ohio: *Playing the recruitment theme With Us on their instruments.*Kentucky: *looks into the camera like Jim on The Office*

Kentucky: Luigi is my spirit animal because he’s a coward with a heart of gold, like me.Indiana: You’re a coward, but I know you had your heart surgically removed in 1847 so don’t even try that bullshit with me.Ohio: He had a heart before 1847? Damn. See, I relate more to King Dedede because he’s a king and his relationship with Kirby reminds me of Michigan and I.Indiana: Yeah, that sounds about right.Ohio: I don’t like the implications there.

*Link appears*Indiana, shoving Ohio and Kentucky out of the way and wearing a Legend of Zelda hoodie: Move bitches, it’s my time to shine.Ohio: Oh thank god Yoshi’s here because I’m not playing as Link. Kentucky, doing a scarily accurate impression of Yoshi: YOSHI!Indiana: What the FUCK Kentucky???Kentucky, coughing: If I do that for too long I lose my voice.Indiana: Then don’t do it!

*There are some enemies that I distinctly remember in this part that scared the hell out of me, and they’re called Puppits.*Ohio: Oh god, oh fuck, what are these things?Indiana: Kill it!Ohio: *dies* SHIT!Kentucky, eating gummy bears out of a paper bag: Why are y’all so bad at this? It’s just an enemy.Indiana: *throws her controller at Kentucky and hits him in the forehead.*

*The cutscene with the box*Indiana: Snake? SNAKE?? SNAAAAAAAAAAKE!!!!Kentucky: SPOILERS!

*Zero-Suit Samus*Indiana: I wish that were me.Ohio: Why? She’s not that much prettier than you.Indiana: Space guns.Kentucky: Of course.Indiana: Also I think a lot of girls would be into me if I had that ass.Ohio: There it is.

*Pikachu*Ohio: Did you guys know that this is how we powered the first rocket to the moon?Kentucky: Electricity rat.Indiana: Thomas Edison used Pikachu to power America, your history books have been lying to you.Ohio: We’re going to get killed by the government, aren’t we?Kentucky: Yeah, but not for this.

*The battle against Subspace Peach*Indiana: Mario’s going to be so pissed.Kentucky: Yeah, but Yoshi’s Mario’s lifelong friend, so surely everything will be a-okay!*Mario battle ensues*Ohio: Love blinds all.Indiana: Stop trying to sound wise, I literally watched you burn your tongue on your coffee and throw it into a wall.Ohio: You know what Indiana? Fuck you.

Indiana: Kirby Kirby Kirby that’s the name you should know!Kentucky: Kirby Kirby Kirby he’s the star of the show!*Both look at Ohio*Ohio, obviously disappointed in life: He’s more than you think, he’s got maximum pink.Indiana and Kentucky: Kirby Kirby Kirby’s the one!

Indiana: Ew it’s Ganondorf.Kentucky: Wait, I thought he was a pig?Ohio: Well Kentucky, people can be pigs without looking like them, like New York.Kentucky: No, wasn’t he literally a pig?Indiana: That was Ganon.Kentucky: They’re… they’re the same thing?

*Wario battle*Ohio: IS LUCAS DOING THE ARTHUR MEME?Indiana: HOLY SHIT HE IS!Kentucky: MOTHER 3 CONFIRMED!*they all start screaming incoherently. The video cuts to them actually fighting Wario. Ohio is Lucas, Kentucky is the Pokemon Trainer.*Ohio: My boy Lucas has seen some shit.Kentucky: Your boy Kentucky has also seen some shit, how about a little love over here?Ohio: No.Kentucky: Thanks.

*Bowser’s army attacks the castle Dedede is in.*Indiana: Oh my goodness he’s Dedede-dead!Ohio: I’m going to sew your lips together while you sleep.

*Bowser gets away with Peach’s trophy*Kentucky: This is so sad, Indiana play Ave Maria.Indiana: *plays Ave Maria on the kazoo*

Kentucky: I love how Ike, the youngest and most impulsive, jumps right off a cliff while both Marth and Meta Knight reach out to stop him.Ohio: Me with my bastard siblings.Indiana: Let me guess, Wisconsin’s Ike, Michigan’s Meta Knight, and you’re Marth?Ohio: No, because I don’t join them in their bullshit.Indiana: Oh? Then what do you call the time the three of you tied Illinois to a tree and left him there for a week?Ohio: It’s called knocking the wealthy down a few pegs.Kentucky: Guys, this was an appreciation of Fire Emblem characters and nothing more.

*Diddy Kong trophy*Indiana: PeRSonALLy I PrEFer ThE AiR!Kentucky: OH! GRAB THE FAN! *they proceed to get the giant Subspace Diddy Kong to 500% and launch him off the screen.*Ohio: The monkey’s kidnapping a bird.Indiana: I saw that happen in Florida once.

*Ridley battle*Kentucky: HE’S TOO BIG FOR SMASH BROS!*Kentucky then plays the Ridley theme on the xylophone while Ohio attempts to crawl out a window and Indiana screams*

*Olimar and Captain Falcon*Kentucky in the background playing Pikmin music on the xylophone: Isn’t this nice? Pikmin was one of the best games I ever played.*West Virginia kicks down the door and plays the F-Zero theme on an electric guitar*Kentucky: Get the hell out!West Virginia: While y’all were sitting in here playing video games I got arrested for tax fraud and broke out on my own.Indiana: Amateur. What’s your point kid?West Virginia: Get on my level. Get hobbies for god’s sake. You’re going to be killed one day, you gotta live in the moment.Ohio: I die when I decide, you little rat faced bastard. There’s a cupcake in the fridge, take it and get out.West Virginia: Alright, I’m going to elope with Mothman, see y’all later.

Indiana: DOnkEy KoNG!!!!Kentucky: Aw heck, I died.

*Ice Climbers*Ohio: That jumping noise definitely isn’t going to get annoying in the next few minutes.Kentucky: *slowly mutes the tv*Indiana: You guys are really dumb sometimes. You know that, right?

*the two groups meet up*Indiana: The gang’s all here!Ohio: If you play as Link again I’m going to suffocate you on camera.Indiana: With what?Kentucky: His Ohio State mascot body pillow.Indiana: What the fuck.Ohio: You’re next, Kentucky.

*Snake*Kentucky: Sometimes I just want to hide in a box while my problems run around without me.Indiana: Shame problems are like Lucario and can see right through your hiding place.Ohio: Guys, I dropped a hot pocket into the hole in the wall and I can’t get it out.

*Sheik and Peach*Indiana: I’m getting some strong Peach loves her strong girlfriend vibes from this.Kentucky: I’d love my strong girlfriend too if I had one.Ohio: No living organism would put up with you for more than a week.Indiana: YO PEACH IS SUCH A BADASS!Ohio: SEE???Indiana: Zelda’s still better though.Kentucky: Fox McCloud’s going down.Indiana: Do a barrel roll!Ohio: Shit, I want tea.Kentucky: Then make some!Ohio: Okay! Jeez, don’t yell at me.

Indiana: Where did Mr. Game and Watch even come from?Ohio: Hell.Kentucky: Actually, there’s a series of handheld games-Indiana: Shut up nerd!

*Subspace bomb factory*Indiana: American weapons storage.*the entire factory blows up*Kentucky:… American weapons storage.Ohio: It’s us when we try to get together for holidays.

Ohio: Kirby rides in on a fucking dragon to save the day!Indiana: Sakurai showing clear favoritism for his children.Kentucky: Virginia made West a pepperoni roll once and when I asked for one she told me that I could starve.Ohio: GUYS IT WASN’T MASTER HAND IT’S THIS ASSHOLE OLD MAN LOOKING GUY AND BOWSER’S DEAD STOP HAVING FEELINGS AND GET YOUR HEADS IN THE GAME!

*Everyone dies*Indiana: I want butterfly wings that kill people.Kentucky: Evolve and grow them.Indiana: Good idea.Ohio: LUCAS NOOOOOOO!

*Dedede, Ness, and Luigi**Ohio walks in dressed as King Dedede, Indiana’s dressed as Ness, and Kentucky is dressed as Luigi*Kentucky: I still think I should have done sexy Luigi, but whatever.Indiana: Ohio, say it.Ohio: I’m not going to say it, fuck off.Indiana: Say it.Ohio: No!Indiana: SAY IT.Ohio: I’m gonna clobber that there Kirby.Kentucky: That’s mama Luigi to you!Indiana: Fuck, Ness doesn’t have any funny lines. Ohio: Can we please play the game now?Indiana, clearly excited: OKEY

*Great Maze*Indiana: You’re going the wrong way!Ohio: You’re hogging the remote! Let Kentucky play!Kentucky: That’s the wrong door!*they start screeching at each other. Minnesota walks into the room about to say something, shakes his head, and leaves.*

*Tabuu fight*Kentucky: I’m vibing with this music.Ohio: Don’t try and sound young, we all know you’re old as fuck.Indiana: Ohio if you don’t stop dying I’m going to throw you out a window.Kentucky: SONIC SPEED! *proceeds to die* GOSH DARN IT!Indiana: WHY ARE YOU USING SONIC?Kentucky: HE WAS RIGHT THERE I HAD TO!*they die about twelve more times, but only one makes the final cut. At some point they beat the game*

Indiana: This was cute. I really liked the relationships in it.Ohio: Yeah, shame we’ll never get a wholesome and fulfilling story mode again, right guys?Kentucky: *plays the Smash Ultimate theme on the xylophone.*Indiana: I’ll go get my Switch.Ohio: You better.Indiana: I’ll hit you.Ohio: You’re in my house, that’s assault.*Indiana kicks Ohio out of his chair. The video cuts for the last time*

#i've still got another ask and i'll get to that one soon don't worry #statetalia #aph states #aph indiana #aph ohio #aph kentucky #hws states #hws indiana #hws kentucky #hws ohio #aph west virginia #hws west virginia #aph minnesota #hws minnesota #the states play video games

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bluemoonpunch · 5 years

Text

*Youtuber Voice* Let's Talk... 😩

I went outside today and it was like a ~thing~ and July is a ~thing~ and the Eclipses are a ~thing~ too, so I’m going to talk about me because my Throat Chakra is fucked and one of the biggest blocks I have is that I’m afraid to talk about shit that is about ME.

Basically, I went outside, like out into the backyard, out into nature, even though it was very hot and there were bugs, and I had an accumulative epiphany about all my bullshit and why my bullshit has been so bullshitty lately.

It has a lot to do with my strings being cut. If you’ve gotten a personal reading with me before you might have gotten a long drawn out explanation of how certain cycles of soul progression occur internally and then reflect externally, and along with that we have cycles where we are very obviously being guided by the Universe or our Guides, which is then followed by a time where the SOUL has complete and total control and you are essentially guiding yourself. That’s me right now and it’s really fucking annoying.

When you’re being guided — or ME. When I’m being guided it feels like I’m a puppet and I can literally feel those strings attached to my arms and legs, I can feel myself being pulled here and there, having things shown to me, everything is laid out. It feels like that because my Guides know what I HAVE TO DO, they know the contracts, the mission statements, the purpose, the fate, the destiny, all that shit that I can’t consciously remember and put together on my own. They pick me up and put me down in places but I still have to consciously walk in the door, take the path, say the words, meet the people, whatever. It’s a balance, but when I’m very aware that I’m being guided and it’s very obvious to me that this is going to play out exactly as I’m being shown, I trust it and I go with it.

And that is a new thing for me, tbh. It wasn’t until after my mom died that I was like, oh… that’s a thing. I knew this was going to happen because it had to happen because this is going to shoot me off into a whole new situation that I need to align with. I was really fucking scared about it, I don’t like change, I don’t like new things, I’m an asshole like that, but after a year of hell, I literally had no other choice but to trust it and fully put my faith into what I was being VERY CLEARLY guided to do. I went through all the motions, moved in with my grandparents, got a job, met all these people, worked on my anxiety, and then in a very weird and not at all my doing kind of way people started asking me for tarot readings at work. Then they suggested doing a shop, and it was one of those things that was like whispering in my ear like, “yeah, go with that, you need to do that.”

There was a whole lot of other shit happening within me intuitively, energetically, on a soul level that was really propelling that as well, but when it came down to it I was trusting myself only because I knew someone or something else beyond me had my back. I was being pushed to do certain things, and was being shown that if I did it this would happen and that would happen, and then those things would actually happen. So, in a way there’s almost that kind of curiosity on my end of treating it like an experiment where I was just like if I follow this and actually go through with all these little things with no hesitation, will I actually see the results that they are promising me? And guess what, I did. Literally down to the finest details.

So, I have trust, and I guess even though it sounds cheesy, I have faith and a very strong belief in my ability to get the words of my Guides and move forward with them as my template or my guidelines, my map.

BUT!!!

What the fuck am I supposed to trust and have faith in when they decide to cut the strings because this phase of my ~mission~ or my ~purpose~ is over? Me??? Myself??? I??? Lol, sure, yeah, okay.

Like, no offense to me, but I fucking suck.

I mean, I don’t suck, but like…. >.> You know…

Objectively speaking, if I were to step outside of myself and look at me, I definitely do NOT suck. Like, you guys don’t know me personally, but if you could see where I was just two years ago versus where I am right now you wouldn’t even be able to comprehend what the hell happened. It literally looks like I woke up one day and decided to change my entire life and then I just DID after years and years of not being able to do ANYTHING. From the outside looking in, I fucking rock, I’m the baddest bitch you’re ever going to come across, but from the inside, I see myself as a puppet who just lost it’s strings and is sitting there like, “Oh… I’m a real person now.”

My soul is in charge now and it’s more about what I WANT to do rather than what I HAVE to do, and I don’t know how the fuck to cope with that. I don’t think anyone does. Like, if you think about it, society and shit is really that conscious level puppet master that we all have to deal with, and even if we say we want to break away from it and be our own person, think for ourselves, fend for ourselves, be true individuals, we’d all lose our shit if we didn’t have that map, those guidelines, those milestones, those boxes, and labels.

We can rebel against it all we want but socially and consciously, we want that shit. We really fucking want it because it gives us that feeling of being the puppet, of having those strings picking us up, feeling a bit more weightless because, in some respects, we don’t want to have to think for ourselves because then we don’t have to put the blame on ourselves when shit goes wrong. It’s society that is corrupting us, it’s our parents, it’s religion, bla bla bla, excuses excuses.

So, that’s just a thing that we have, it’s part of being human, but on SOUL level, when the strings are cut, the strings are cut. There’s not another set of strings to pick up and attach yourself to, there’s not a soul college following soul high school, it’s just you, and you’re in charge, and there are no other people, systems, or ideas outside of yourself that can dictate where you go from there, even if on a temporary basis.

And the thing is, when I see that shit for other people in personal readings, it looks amazing because I’m always shown it as them being able to do ANYTHING that they want to do and their Higher Self, their Guides, the whole fucking Universe will lay out every path they can to make sure they get what they want. It’s like a reward for doing the work that you were guided to do. You did what you HAD TO and now you get to do what you WANT TO. That’s fucking insane, that’s amazing.

But ME — I’m just sitting here looking at all this cool stuff I have now, looking at Blue Moon Punch, looking at how I’ve changed, looking at all that I’ve done in such a short amount of time and I’m just ragging on myself like, “lol, I didn’t do this, they did it. My Guides did it. They pulled the strings. I can’t maintain this on my own. It’s just going to fall apart.”

Objectively, however, I’m like, “BITCH????? YOU did the WORK. They gave you the instruction manual but YOU did the fucking WORK.”

And then I question the whole thing like I don’t have the manual anymore, so what? Like, I’m such shit because I disregard the fact that I don’t need a fucking manual anymore specifically because I learned already how to use these tools, how to put things together. Like, that’s the whole thing, that’s the whole reason I get to do what I WANT to do — because I CAN. Like???? Come on, ME, stop being an idiot.

Now, why is this happening? Right? That’s the whole thing that I was curious about when I went outside — Why can’t I function like this? Why am I more anxious about this, why am I so completely fucked over the idea of having to do things on my own in a sense? And really, it’s not about being on my own, because obviously, my Guides are still there, it’s just that I’m in control. I’m the authority in my own life and I’m like LOL about it.

One of the revelations that I had while sitting outside for the first time a million years was that I tend to second guess myself a lot because other people have kind of always forced me to do that in a lot of ways in a lot of different scenarios. Everything in my mind goes back to the word “Brat” because that’s what I was called whenever I ~overly expressed myself~ such as throwing tantrums or hitting people, running away, not wanting to be around people when I was really little.

I know, ME, I know that I was always acting a fucking mess as a little kid because I was being sexually abused by three dudes in our apartment complex while also being severely bullied in school by a bunch of older kids while having no friends. I knew that but having everything I did as a cry for help (which is all a 6-year-old can do honestly) be dismissed as, “she’s just being a brat” really taught me to question my own perception of things. Like, is that kind of stuff really that bad? Am I overreacting? Am I really just being a brat?

Learning that at a very young age around that kind of thing just built up this filter for EVERYTHING else. I was always very hyper-aware of other people, how they were looking at me, how they talked to me, and how they talked about me. I would like test the waters and mention things, see how they react, try to express myself in one way or another, but as you can imagine, I’ve always been a bit fucking weird with my talking to dead people and interest in the occult upon other things.

So, I’m very squished inside myself, I’m very careful about what I show to people, what I say, how I say it, even with my family. ESPECIALLY with my family — they’re all Cancers and Geminis, aka Big Mouth Betty’s who love to talk to everyone about everything.

You see, shit like that that gets pressed into your brain when you’re really young can just fester into this giant thing that touches everything that you experience in life. With the blog, I’m always afraid to be as direct and as clear as I could be specifically because I feel like I’m giving you something personal. I’m giving you my interpretation, I’m giving you my perspective, which I see as potentially being “overdramatic” or “too much” or just flat out wrong.

I trust myself to receive the information but I don’t trust myself to express it in a way that makes everyone else happy, or that makes me look not entitled, not crazy, not a “brat”, even though that’s so far away from the point of it.

Even though I try to keep everything objective, I still have that pride and that need to overcompensate for that insecurity that I feel towards my own validity in all areas of my life. I really can’t help but think of everything that I do as being representative of me as a whole person. Like one reading that I post on the blog defines me for that entire week in my head. That’s all I am to everyone until I post something else. All of my thoughts, words, and actions define my entire being, my entire life, moment to moment — that’s how I see it. I don’t exist anywhere else.

And that’s true for everyone, that’s why we dress up to go places and put on friendly faces and voices for a job interview, that shit matters. But for me, more personally, it almost feels dangerous to come off like “too much” because when I was little being “too much” cost me my entire childhood, my mental and physical health, and my sense of security within myself. I genuinely feel so vulnerable and so at risk every time I post something or say something, talk about anything relating to deeper shit, because I see it as a reflection of me in my entirety, and I see ME as the foundation of everything I built.

Actually, that’s a good way to describe it. I feel like I took all the bad bits, everything I hated, and I turned it into the dirt and I built all of this stuff up on top of it. I put myself underneath all of this awesome and righteous shit, and every time I put something out, every time I say anything to anyone, I feel like I’m exposing my foundations. I feel like I’m giving you the opportunity to just start hacking away at my foundations with scrutiny and criticism, which in my mind will bring everything crumbling down. Like, in my head, one bad review on my shop is going to destroy everything and I’ll have no job and I’ll be back living in horrible conditions. Or I’ll do a predictive reading and it doesn’t turn out the way I said it would and suddenly all my validity is gone and everything else that I have put out is null and void.

Someone sent in an ask about why I keep things so vague, and there was much more to it than that, but I was focused on that bit today while I was outside, and I was real with myself about it. I usually say that I keep things vague because I want to respect the privacy of the celebrity and idol’s that I do readings on, and that is true, but there’s some shit that I leave out specifically because it’s too specific, it’s too on the nose, and I go back to that feeling of, “well, if I’m wrong, I’m fucked.” My credibility is on the line, my foundations are at risk, red alert, shut it down.

And when I think about it, that’s such a gross and weird manipulative tactic. Like, it’s not so dramatic where I’m literally feeding you guys bullshit, but I do hit a wall on occasion where I pull back and have to either completely remove things or paint them in a way where I pretend to be confused by it so that if I’m right, lucky me, if not, then, well, I just wasn’t seeing it right. That’s literally so fucking weird to think about, but that’s what I do. I can guarantee you, if there’s a part in a reading on the blog where I say “I don’t know how to explain it” or “This confused me,” it probably didn’t, I was just afraid of being as blatant about it because it was probably coming through really, really clearly and I was like, lol no.

But see, in personal readings I don’t really do that because it’s one-on-one, and I don’t feel so exposed. There’s that whole aspect of consent as well where the person paid for a reading, their energy is open, I’m open, we’re exchanging information and it feels a lot more stable, and I feel like I — ME — can trust THEM to not rip me apart. Whereas doing a reading for the blog, I’m putting someone else who has not given me concent on blast to people who could rip us BOTH apart. So, there’s that weird filter that I put up and that they (the celebrity or idol) put up because we’re both going in like, lol, we’re not safe, but let's see if we can help each other out here.

Like, I’m such a sensitive bitch omg. Criticism to me is so much more than just being told that I’m wrong or that something isn’t as good as it could be, but I still don’t see it as an attack necessarily because I never feel the need to defend myself. I’ll defend myself only when it comes to someone telling me that I’m not doing the work. Like if you come at me and try to tell me I don’t spend enough time on these readings or that I don’t put any effort in or I don’t really care about it, I’ll fucking clap back so fast, like watch the fuck out. You can NOT tell me that I don’t do the work, but you absolutely could tell me that my work is shit and pointless, and I will absolutely believe you.

Legit, I worked three weeks on those monthly readings, and I was so excited about them because it would be something really cheap that anyone could get. They were really detailed, and I used a new deck with them, and it was going to be the new THING. Like, I was really hyping myself up and I was like, yeah, this is going to be great because it’s the eclipses and everyone’s going to really get something from these, and since I’ll be making a bit of money from that I can take a break from personal readings and get things around for the blog and do some work. Like I was really out here living on cloud fucking nine with that shit, and then I LET SOMEONE tell me they weren’t worth the money and that I was a bad person for thinking I deserved to be compensated for the work that I put into those.

Like, I just LET SOMEONE tell me what was up in a matter of two minutes whereas my SOUL was telling me what’s up for three weeks prior. The second I felt like I was being called a “brat” I folded so quick, like all of that build up just went away because I LET SOMEONE put me back in that headspace.

If we really boil that down, that’s why I’m shit and that’s why I don’t think I can handle being in charge. It’s so easy to completely throw me off because in a lot of ways, I’m still stuck in the past, still insecure, still very willing to let people tell me what I am and who I am, and that’s not okay. And I know I have to process it, I have to literally dig up those foundations, get all that shit out of the soil and let it go, but I’m like so stupidly aware of my vibration and my soul progression and where I am and what I’m trying to do, that I just get so scared that if I go back to that, if I face it AGAIN, that I’m just going to get sucked in and then there’s no going back. It’s all going to crumble again and I just won’t have it in me to build it all back up on my own without the strings, without the guidance.

Like I would give anything to feel the way I felt when we were working on the Soul Body stuff for BTS and when I was really pulling together parts of the soul group. Like I was in my element then and I really felt good about what I was doing and I wasn’t so afraid to put stuff out there, but that was only because I was being guided to do so. I was in that state of pure trust in what I was being shown and it was being validated by how people started to find the blog and how everything played out with the healing, and the results of it. Like it was trust and validation back to back, non-stop, but now I’m in a phase where I have to learn to trust and validate myself on my own.

I have so many ideas and plans for BMP, all of which sprang up FROM MY FUCKING SOUL a month or so ago when I felt those strings get cut and I KNOW they are things that I WANT to do, and I feel so good about them, and the monthly readings were one of them, but I get so in my head and I get so nervous about what other people are going to think, how am I going to look, how am I going to fuck this all up?

So, bAsICaLlY, I want to experiment again, as in doing what I did in the second half of 2018 where I completely put my faith in my Guides to guide me, but this time around really go with my soul. Like full on, whatever gives me that excited, tight chest, adrenalin kind of feeling, I’m going to do everything in my power to pursue and see it through. And since I can get in my head about shit, I’m only holding myself to it until the end of the year (and hopefully shit will have turned out well enough that I’ll just be in that headspace well into 2020 as well).

I invite you guys to do that as well, even if it’s just a little bit. Pay attention to your SOUL. Whenever you get one of those ideas or you come across something that makes you excited. Like, just that kind of shit that makes your heart race and immediately floods your brain with inspiration and images of opportunities and abundance, and all that kind of stuff — pursue it. We, as people in society, are so quick to shut things like that down because it’s considered childish to be that excited about something, or we think of certain things as being impossible or out of reach, and just… WHY?

When you feel shit like that, when it’s like about to all explode out of your chest, that’s your SOUL. Your SOUL is reacting to you finally, on a conscious level, catching something that it’s been throwing at you for days, weeks, months, or even years. If it feels like too much or something that you can’t do, keep in fucking mind that there’s not a damn thing that is within reach or easy to do for anyone ever. The only thing that’s really scary is the idea of doing something outside of your comfort zone, and what’s outside of your comfort zone is what’s outside of that map, it’s anything that removes your strings.

None of us want to live with strings but sometimes it’s necessary, but when you have the opportunity to cut them off, even in one area of your life, try to embrace it. Try to move with that feeling and DO IT. Again, I’m presenting this challenge for myself only for the last 6 months of the year, and just imagine how things can change in that amount of time. In 2017, within three months alone, I went from living in a roach-infested house with no running water and not a dime to my name to living in my own apartment (which is owned by my grandparents by whatever) with a job and money coming in. Shit really can change like that overnight even if you’ve been down and low for a long, long, long time.

Fully 100% I’m using this post as a way to kind of commit myself to this, to honoring myself and to putting my own inner guidance and awareness over external factors that may only exist in order to bring me down and stop me from moving forward. I really do want you guys to try it as well and I want you to check out the monthly readings (available here) because a lot of them did have stuff regarding changes and really stepping into your power, and I think they still stand up for what they are.

In addition to that, I have two videos here to share from Aluna Ash and Olivia of OJC Astrology. These videos both came out today and they both really resonated with me after my little outdoor escapade of self-awareness and other fuckery. I think at least one of them will hit home with every person that read this far down.

And that’s all I guess, thanks for reading. :)

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eakfestforever · 3 years

Text

Pilot

Waking up from nappy #1 of the day sky and zeus are each laying on their own couch. Sky moves over to lay right on top of zeus. Zeus looks up for a second, goes right back to sleep.

Waking up from nappy #2 of the day Sky and Zeus are laying on the couch. Stella is on the coffee table. A car goes by and Sky and Zeus jump up to the windows barking

Sky: Oh hell no, what are you doing on our street...by our house? I know you ain’t comin here! You just keep on keepin on motha fucka. That’s what I thought. Keep on keepin on...

Zeus: I can protect us all! I am Zeus! Protector of… Oh hello friend! Sky, that was the nice man with that nice car that drives by just to say hello all the time. He is so nice.

Sky: You ain’t never even met that man Zeus! He could be a serial killer! A Rapist! Coming here to do terrible things to me and my body! Daddy Almighty expects us to protect this house so stop being such a pussy ass little bitch. Jeez do I have to do everything around here?

Stella: So, ummm, can we all just like, shut up now? The car is so gone now and like, you can’t even see it any more? OMG I can’t even…

Zeus: Stella, how come you do not care about these cars and these humans that go by? Don’t you want new friends?

Sky: New friends? Hmf… new friends my ass, more like new crazy ass white people thinking they all that tryina take our shit.

Stella: I don’t know… it’s all Gucci in my world… I just like birds and bugs… and Grandpa. I like Grandpa. Will he be home soon? And also… Sky you are so incredibly racist.

Sky: Your Grandpa, aka Daddy Almighty, is a very busy man. He is out there hunting monies. Lots of monies so that I can has the health care and delicious food and bones and things. And also… I am NOT racist. Whatchu know about someone being racist? Nuttin!

Zeus: But isn’t the monies for all of us? Me, you, Stella, Mummy and Daddy. Don’t we all get those things?

Sky: Nigga please! If there was to be some extra, which I doubt there will be, I suppose you can get some of those things. But not the health care… definitely not the health care. Ain’t never enough monies for you to has that. Hmf.

Stella: Well I am pretty sure that grandpa would let me have the health care. He likes me best. I mean, he calls me Stella Bo Bella! Hello! Bella! And he plays mouse with me and like shares some sick tea with me when we get turnt on Saturday nights.

Sky: Girl, he may get turnt with you one night a week but it is obvious that I am his favorite… I mean, look at this (smacks her ass) who could say no to this sweet ass.

Zeus: But doesn’t he like Mommy best? She is the greatest mommy in the whole wide world and he gives her lots and lots of kisses and hugs and

Sky: and that big ol dick.. That’s right zeus, he gives that whore his big ol godly dick and she is thankful for it, too. Why wouldn’t she be? She is so lucky that he chose her to take his almighty sword. He is so gracious...

Stella: Eeeewww gross…. Stop talking about that stick. Blecht… ewwww…(gags a little) he has much more fun playing video games with me anyway. It’s dope. We get high and drink coffee and hang all night taking names and kick ASS! Woop woop!

Zeus: mummy does not like that gross stuff. Sky. Daddy makes her do those awful things. She would much rather cuddle with zeusy and make him sammiches.

Sky: Y’all are cra cra. She is a h-o-r-e. That spells whore zeus and She Loves doing those nasty ass things and she knows it is her place to love them. God. Y’all just don’t get it at all.

Mailman comes up the road, Zeus and Sky run to the windows again waking up from nappy #3

Stella rolls her eyes and says OMG

Zeus: Sky, it is that really slow man that tries every day to put things in that box in front of our house. He tries to sneak up but I hear him when he turns that corner. I will not let him step foot on...

Sky: You just sit back and let mama handle this situation. He is a t-h-r-e-t ,that spells threat by the way zeus and I am the only one responsible for keeping his ugly ass away from this house every day! See… he is already driving away.

Zeus: (in an attempt to sound tough, flexing a muscle) What? I ain’t neva scurred. I got this ALL DAY! ALL DAY biotch!

Sky and Stella look at each other and suddenly burst out laughing and rolling around

Another car pulls up and parks in front of the house and once again zeus and sky run to the windows barking feverishly (tearing up the couch covers and pushing cushions out more and more each time)

Zeus: That car stopped sky… is this serious?

Sky: Alert, alert, this is a code red. I repeat, code red. Yall need to be ready for anything. Stella, are you ready? Stella!

Stella: OMG… what? I just found the perfect sun spot on the floor. What?

Sky: we are under a high alert Stella… that is what? Do I have to remind you that we are under strict orders from

Stella: I know, i know, from “Daddy Almighty” to like protect the house or something… ugh.

Zeus: You go away stranger, do you hear me, you go away because this is our house and.. IT’S... GRAMPA! OMG OMG OMG! YAY! I’M SO EXCITED, I’M SO EXCITED. GRAMPAS HERE! SKY! GRAMPA’S HERE! We haven’t seen him in so many years!

Sky: I can see that Zeus, I do have eyes you know. He is here to see me. He always comes to see me. You must just be asleep when he usually comes. I can’t wait until he sees me, he will be so excited. He must have missed me so much. How do I look? Oh Jesus, what am I thinking asking you how I look. I look amazing as always.

Stella: K well you idiots go on outside with great grandpa, i’ll enjoy some time to myself finally.

Zeus and sky run to the back door and meet grandpa at the door jumping all over him. Stella jumps up on the shoe rack by the back window of the sun porch.

Grampa: Hey guys how are you today? Ugh, ok, down… down… no jumping. Down. Sit. Goodness, I was just here yesterday, you act like you haven’t seen me in years! Ok, who wants to go outside?

Zeus and sky simultaneously: Me me me me I do I do

Zeus and sky run out the door followed by grandpa. Sky runs right to the bowl of water in the backyard and drinks ferociously.

Grandpa: geez, sky. Don’t mommy and daddy leave you water?

Sky: well of course they do but this is the water of the gods. It is left here for me, sky, to replenish any of the awesomeness that is sometimes lost when I am forced to spend too much time with mere mortals (looks accusingly at zeus)

Zeus: well I would like to drink the god water, too sky. Can I drink the god water? I didn’t know it was god water. I just thought mommy put it there.

Sky: Oh you silly ass dog. Mommy put it there. How naive you are. Anyway, yeah, you can drink some but it only gives powers to me so…

Zeus: that’s ok… I don’t need powers. I just need friends and mummy.

Grandpa: Ok guys….who wants the ball?

Sky: I do I do. Throw it grandpa. I will get it for you! I am the best ball catcher… well, except for mom pwahahahahaha see what I did there? See what I did? Mom, BALL CATCHER… AS IN DADDYS BALLS....OH I CRACK MYSELF UP! Zeus, don’t even THINK about saying you want that ball.

Zeus: I would like the ball grandpa but I believe it is only for sky. I am sorry you can’t throw it for me.

Sky: damn right it is bitch. Don’t even think about trying to get that ball. Get over here dirty whore (sky proceeds to hump zeus angrily while biting the back of his neck) you’re like my ball,.. Got it. I take what I want… just like this…. Take it bitch…uh uh uh

Grandpa: sky…. Would you get off of zeus

Zeus: it’s ok, grandpa, zeusy doesn’t mind.

(Sky gets down)

Yea well, this is my ball and I am in charge here so you just sit back and watch me get it ya little pussy

Grandpa throws the ball, Sky gets it and lays down with it.

Grandpa: sky, bring it back so i can throw it again. Come on, bring it back.

Sky: well that’s just crazy grandpa, I already have it. Why would I want to give it back to you

Zeus’: because he likes to throw it sky, why don’t you let me bring it back to grandpa, it makes him so happy (attempts to take the ball)

Sky: Oh no you didn’t. You did NOT just try to take this ball away from ME! What makes YOU think that it would be ok to just walk right up to ME and take THIS ball away (sky is so busy bitching with her eyes closed that she drops the ball and zeus picks it up and takes it to grandpa)

Grandpa: good boy zeus… such a good boy. Do you want me to throw it? Are you gonna get it this time?

Zeus: you can throw it grandpa but sky will get it, it is her ball. It’s ok.

Sky: damn right it is bitch. I cannot even believe you took it like you think who the fuck you are right now

Zeus: ok...zeusy will go and poop now.

Zoom in on zeus’s butthole and see the “asslings” white hairs that grow out of his butthole and just say mean things when they are “activated”

Asslings: hey shit for brains, think you can make a descent dump this time? Don’t waste my time with one of those useless pathetic pencil turds you lazy son of a bitch. Eat some god damn fiber for christ’s sake. Geez, this aint rocket science, my friend. Ya eat and ya shit it out.

Meanwhile sky comes over and hears his asslings.

Sky: what in the? Zeus, are you waking up those nasty ass asslings again? What in the holy hell is wrong with you? Now you listen to me mother fucking asslings… y'all just need to shut the fuck up and

Asslings: shut your slutty trap you stupid whore. You don’t know nothin bout nothin so mind your own god damn business, capiche?

Sky: Hmf… stupid ass dirty cock suckers. Trying to tell ME what to do. I will have you know that Daddy Almighty will smite you right off of that asshole if I so much as say the word so you just watch your mother fuckin ps and qs. God damn asslings…

Asslings: ooooh, we’re shaking in our shit shoes slut. OOOh daddy almighty… we’re so scared

Zeus: it’s ok everybody, can’t we all just be friends?

Sky: somethin wrong with you

Grandpa: well guys… if everyone has pooped and peed and is done playin catch, think I’ll head home.

Sky: Of course, grampa. You are old and tired. I completely understand. I am always more than happy to allow you to spend time in my presence but go and rest now.

Zeus: ok grandpa, we will go back to protecting the house as we do when there are no other humans around. We are brave and will not let anyone do anything to this house. We are on high alert at all times.

2 seconds later both dogs are down for nappy #4

Stella: omg how can they possibly sleep so much?? Oh well, better for me. I can finally look out the window by myself. TBH… I love their nap times. They’re so basic. I’m just like hey let’s just hang and LALL, that’s for live and live let. But you know, enjoy life, have fun, laugh, dance (sees a bird outside and stares intently at it for a moment) Hey bitch, whatchu tryin? I could eat you ya know. You’d be a snack in a (bird flies away)... anyways… they need to chill and spread love, not hate. I just love, love, love, life ya know?

(Stella stares at the dogs)

(Sky opens one eye a little bit)

Sky: Ummmm… can I help you? What are you staring at?

Stella: Nothing… I just don’t know why you sleep so much. This is like nap #4 or something isn’t it? And it’s only like 1:30 in the afternoon!

Sky: I will have you know… guarding this house takes a lot of energy and multiple nappies are IMPERATIVE to keep this highly efficient, well oiled… beautiful…. security machine in tip top condition. (zeus is sitting up looking proud and strong) Do you think this just happens? NO! AND even when it LOOKS like I am asleep, I am still on high alert. As for Zeus well he’s just lazy. (zeus drops his head looking sad)

Zeus: But if zeusy naps just like Sky, why isn’t he a highly efficient something something?

Sky: Because I know the correct way to nap and you do not… that is why.

ZEus: OOOOOOOH

Stella: But like, I’m a cat and I mean, naps have been called “cat naps” because they nap so much but like, you nap waaaaay more than I do.

Sky: Exactly.. You are a CAT and you have no real purpose here so you do not have the same sleep requirements. Here… let me try and explain the science behind this. I know you most likely will not be able to follow along very well but I will try to explain it as well as I can so that a simple minded person like yourself can get a basic understanding.

Stella just rolls her eyes… zeus looks on excitedly. Sky whips out a dry erase board and marker, puts on glasses and proceeds to draw a bunch of squiggly lines and nonsense

Sky: You see it is like this… my body has to expel a specific amount of what is called en..er..gy (sounded out slowly) in order to perform the very important duties that have been placed upon me. That en..er..gy (sounded out slowly) needs to be replaced at certain intervals throughout the day or this here machine (runs hands down her body) will fail and THAT is simply not an option.

(excitedly draws dots and slashes on dry erase board )

Zeus: OOOOH! And is that also why you need to eat most of the food that mummy puts out for both of us?

Sky looks at zeus like he is stupid

Sky: No dummy… I have told you. I NEED that extra food because I am carrying your babies!

Stella: Ummm haven’t you been saying that for like ever?

Zeus: Stella, these are special babies and they need extra time to be ready for the world. Sky told me so. See… I remembered Sky!

Sky: HMF bout damn time. With that being said, I must get on with nappy #5 now because I

Motorcycle comes up the road; zeus and sky run to the window barking…. Stella runs away, startled by their sudden movement

Sky: Oh I know that sound! You think you are something else, don’t you speedy gonzalez. That’s right you just keep on going right on by. You know what’s best for you, don’t you. That's what I THOUGHT!

Zeus: We did it again, Sky. We showed him! He won’t be coming round here again, will he sky?

Sky: Well I should hope not! Just the sound of my voice told that stupid ass mother fucker that he needs to just be OUT.

Zeus: Mummy and Daddy will be so proud of us! We didn’t let any bad guys come into this house! I can’t wait until they come home and see what an amazing job we did! WHen will they be home sky? It has been soooooo long since they left to go hunting!

Sky: Well, I don’t know about Mommy… it ain’t like she is hunting monies like Daddy Almighty. Women just don’t have the brains for that. I can’t believe she is even allowed to DRIVE! But I have to trust in Daddy almighty’s decision to let her… as difficult as that may be. Need to just have faith! Anyways… Daddy will be home when he feels he has collected sufficient monies and we just have to be patient. Could be days, could be months, could be years! No one can say!

Stella: Ummmm, pretty sure they leave every morning and come home every evening. It’s like… a few hours. But like there are some days that they stay home and like…

Sky: stay home??? That was WEEKS ago. there’s no telling when or if that will happen again. There is a lot of pressure on Daddy to hunt our monies. We just have to trust in the lord and his decisions. Now everybody just shut up and let me get on with nappy #5 I am already way behind schedule thanks to Mr. speedy gonzalez. HMF

Sky and zeus curl up on a now cushionless, coverless couch. Stella sits on the back of the couch looking out the window and talking to the animals outside

Stella: oh hello mr squirrel… looking mighty brave today, aren’t we? If only gramma and grandpa would forget to close the window one day… you wouldnt be so brave then, would you? I’d slash you taint to tip and dance in your blood while I …. Oh look! Gramas home! Yay!

Sound of a chainlink gate opening. Zeus and sky jump up and look out the window, tails wagging, wining with excitement.

Zeus: omg omg omg mummy is home I love her so so so so much! She will be so happy to see how we protected the house and she will take us outside right away and walk around with us because she is so proud of us!

Sky: You best believe I will explain to her right away that it was ME who kept us all safe from the evil doers of this god forsaken earth and she will be so happy and give me the most pets.

Stella: (mumbling quietly to herself) at least I didn’t fuck up the couches like these asshats. Pretty sure Grammas gonna like lose her shit when she sees this disaster.

Alicia walks in the back door, zeus and sky and jumping up and down wining excitedly. Stella saunters in,

Zeus: OMG mummy you wouldn’t believe what happened today. You have been gone so long! We thought we would never see you again. Grandpa came over and we scared away so many strangers and…

Sky: ahem… look at me, just me. Zeus has no idea what he is talking about. I knew you would come home and I TRIED to explain it to him but he is just so stupid and yes Grampa came to see ME and I chased away many strangers as I do everyday.

Stella: Hey Gramma… what up? Wait til you see what these morons did to the couches… it is legit fucked up.

Alicia: hello hello everybody… down… come on, let’s go outside...how was your day? Were you a good boy? Were you a good girl?

They all go outside, stella gets up on the shoe rack by the back window. Alicia walks to the mailbox, sky jumping next to her the whole time

Sky: did you hear me bitch? I chased away the bad guys… A-Gain! You should be praising me! Praise me god dammit.

Zeus just goes off to lift his leg and pee on a plant

Zeus: here ya go little flower… i know how much you like this. It will make you grow big and strong.

Sky: zeus you idiot… you are doing that wrong. Look, you need to do it like this…

Sky squats on the same plant and pees.

Sky: it is MY water that this flower wants and quite frankly NEEDS. You don’t know nothin bout nothin

Alicia: alright guys back inside. Gotta start dinner.

Once inside alicia sees couch cushions on the floor, stuffing from the already ripped cushions strewn all over. Stella sitting on the coffee table waiting for the shit to hit the fan with a big smile

Alicia: what the fuck guys?

Zeus and sky shrink down and slink off, attempting to go into the bedroom but the door is still closed. Sky proceeds to pee a little on the floor

Sky: OMG this bitch is NEVER satisfied! GOd damn. Goin and scarin me like that, making me piddle a little. And for what? Nothin. That’s what.

zeus : i’m so so so so sorry mummy… we didn’t realize we messed up the couches. IT will never ever happen again mummy… i promise.

Alicia: I am so sick and tired of piecing these couches back together again! It would just be nice to have a normal looking living room! Sky did you just pee on the floor? Wtf? YOu were just outside!

Alicia wipes up the pee as she rambles about what a pain in the ass they are

Stella just sits on the coffee table giggling and smirking

Sky: oh no you didnt bitch you did NOT just ask me if I peed on the floor. I mean, I did but who do you think you are asking me that. You would never ask me that if daddy almighty were here. HMF. that’s right, clean that up… clean up my pee.

Alicias phone chimes, receiving a text

Alicia: well guys, daddy has to work late so no point in starting dinner.

(walks to coffee table, pets stella for a bit, hair flying all over and then sits on the couch as both dogs proceed to jump all over her in excitement)

Zeus: yay… mummy is ready to snuggle! This is what zeusy lives for! Mummy’s kisses and hugs and belly rubs

Sky: Move over zeus, she wants to pet me really. (one dog on each side of alicia) I will allow her to at least until daddy almighty returns from his hunt. Here ya go bitch, take it all in.

Alicia: guess what guys… it is thursday. You know what that means!

All say simultaneously

Alicia: tomorrow is the start of the weekend!

Zeus: it is almost mummy and daddy all day time!

Sky: father daddy is gonna take what is his tomorrow night from his whore!

STella: grandpa and me gonna get turnt tomorrow night woop woop!

Alicia: just one more day, guys… one more day

Everyones smiling

0 notes

pixieungerstories · 4 years

Text

Quarantine

They always say ‘buy the worst house on the best block that you can afford’ and god knows this place was a total shit hole. 800 square feet on an overgrown lot surrounded by McMansions. Hell, I paid less for the place that the land was worth. I’m amazed someone hadn’t bulldozed the place years ago.

To make a long story short, I did not look a gift house horse in the mouth.

I spent the summer camping in a tent in the back yard and slowly getting the place winterized enough that I could move it.

There were holes in the plaster, but I just ignored them. It wasn’t worth fixing when I was going to gut the place and put up drywall eventually. It just made it easier to get at the plumbing.

I had the feeling that something was watching me and prayed to god it wasn’t rats.

I was in this for the long haul. Get up, shower at the gym, go to work, come home, renovate until it got dark, shower at the gym, camp out in the kitchen. Not exciting, but satisfying. Let’s face it, this was the only way I was ever going to be able to afford a house.

When the work from home order came, I had to actually get a phone line installed so I could have internet access. Me, my laptop and a kitchen table I rescued from the curbside a while back.

I was sure the cough was from the dust.

The guy delivering groceries left them on the sidewalk instead of the porch. It was fine. I understood completely. I hadn’t done much work on the outside of the building at all.

I realized I was sneezing a bit when I started having to use toilet paper as kleenex.

I was fine. I was young and healthy. I didn’t have any sick days at work so I was determined to just push through.

I tried to get more rest.

I dreamed about something laying a cool hand on my forehead.

The grocery store was out of thermometers.

I mean, did it really matter if I had a fever? I wasn’t leaving the house to share with anyone.

My cough got worse overnight. I was vaguely aware of someone lifting me up and holding a cup of cool water to my lips. I was so fucking thirsty.

“You shouldn’t be here,” I mumbled. “I don’t want you to get sick.”

“I won’t,” a rumbling voice assured me.

I was so cold that night. I don’t know where the extra blankets came from, but they were there in the morning.

“No chance of finding a pair, I bet. Still this could be made over into a necklace or something.” Shit. I was talking to myself again, wasn’t I?

I still got tired easily. I dreamed about my mom stroking my hair as I slept.

The footprints I couldn’t explain away.

That was the first time I had wanted to leave the house.

“I know.”

Fuck. The scratchy, rasping bass voice was not what I was expecting. “I … uh… I can go back to camping in the yard,” I suggested.

“No.”

I waited to hear if he (?) was going to say anything else.

Apparently not.

“Uh … no I can’t stay here? Or no, you don’t even want me camping in the backyard?”

“If I didn’t want you here, I would have had many opportunities to get rid of you.”

Shit. That wasn’t ominous or threatening at all.

With a low chuckle the voice asked, “Did you mean to say that out loud?”

I froze and tried to remember what I had said. Oh. “No, that was an accident. I’m not used to having anyone around to hear me.”

“I always hear you.”

I flung open the door. “Did you order furniture on my credit card?” I demanded.

“If we are both going to live here, can we at least agree on some ground rules?”

“Like what?” was almost purred in my ear. Looking around wildly, I still couldn’t see anything.

I was shaking now. “Is there a way for you to be less scary so I don’t have a heart attack?” I squeaked.

There was nothing but silence. Still my sense of the presence suggested it was gone.

I didn’t sleep that night. I would just start to nod off then jerk myself awake and look wildly around the room. I never saw anything.

Six am, my alarm went off and I could smell coffee.

All the dust had been swept up.

“Hello?” I whispered.

“Alright,” the voice said, coming from somewhere in the direction of the closet. “But don’t fall asleep at the table then.”

I breathed a faint sigh of relief. I wasn’t expecting the next part.

“You need to eat something now. You are still recovering.”

No.

But it would be better to look during the light of day.

Eventually, I made it up there. I put my hand on the knob and tried to turn it. It didn’t budge.

“You want rules?” the voice growled behind me. I spun, there was nothing there. “Do not open that door. Do not come into my space.”

I went from trembling from nerves to bolting down the stairs in an instant. I nearly tripped, but felt something - him? - catch me and set me on my feet.

“Careful,” he purred.

I spent the rest of the day in the garden again. I was still out there when the sun went down and the backlight turned on. Then the kitchen light and for a moment I could see something outlined against the antique curtains I hadn’t replaced in the kitchen. I tried to remind myself that he wasn’t necessarily that big. He might just be closer to the light and casting a bigger shadow.

I didn’t believe it, but I tried.

“Planning on staying up all night?”

I jumped. “How are you always behind me?”

“I live in the shadows. Go to bed.”

“Um… I was thinking, that should be your room, really. Your closet. You picked out the bed. I can just camp down -”

“No. Go to bed.”

“Do you really think I’m going to be able to sleep in a room with a closet that must not be opened? I have read Blue Beard, you know.”

“So have I. The wife gets the house and lives happily ever after.”

“The last wife does,” I pointed out. “The first dozen or so didn’t.”

He chuckled at that. “We made a deal, remember?”

“Are you teasing me? What deal?”

“I don’t touch you in your sleep. You don’t sleep in the kitchen anymore.”

“How big are you?”

The lights flickered and went off.

“Do you want to see me?” he purred, so close that I could feel his breath on my neck.

“Not in the dark,” I squeaked.

“Go to bed.”

The light snapped back on, leaving me blinking.

I spent the night sitting on the bed with my back pressed against the headboard trying to see the whole room at one. Eventually, I fell asleep.

I stared at it dumbly. I had replaced the plumbing to the kitchen sink and the downstairs powder room and had been washing out of the sink since I had been forced to stay home. The only other plumbing was the upstairs bathroom and the antique washing machine in the basement. I pushed the button on the coffee maker and slowly crept upstairs.

Sure enough the stack of copper pipe waiting in the other bedroom was gone.

Well, not gone. I could see it installed through the holes in the walls. I turned on the tap to the sink and sure enough, I had water. I now had an upstairs, working bathroom with a clawfoot tub.

And no walls.

“Thank you,” I mumbled, unsure if I was talking to myself.

“You’re welcome.” It was the least creepy, most normal thing I had heard from him.

#oh my god they were quarantined #quarantine #monster quarantine #exophilia #nyctophobia #shadow monster

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redditnosleep · 7 years

Text

I've Been Seeing A Man In My Backyard For The Past Two Nights

by Opinionson

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 (Final)

Hi everyone,

For anyone who has been reading this I am alive and well but far from safe. As my neighbor and I were waiting for the coast to be clear, I saw my garage door open and at approximately 3:27 am, and right then my neighbor and I booked it to his car. As we were leaving I saw the light turn on in my bathroom and I nearly threw up realizing how easily he got in and how I had been just a sitting duck an hour prior. I have been fantasizing over and over of how if I had stayed in there, my neighbors would have called me telling me he was in my driveway and i would had heard my garage opening with dread just knowing I was absolutely fucked. Once we were in the car we sped off to the police station.

Police gave me the usual rundown of questions in this type of situation like; Whether I knew this man, when and where my first encounter with him was, and whether I could identify his car/if I managed to write down his license plate. I told them he had only come two times prior, and that both times it was too dark to tell even with the street light. When the man had parked in my driveway one of my neighbors who had still been on the lookout said she that she saw the car was a grey Volkswagen with no license plate. She went on to say she saw the man type in the code to my garage, go inside and turn on each of my lights, as though he was checking the whole house. The man had stayed there for 5 minutes according to her and proceeded to get back in his car without taking anything and sped off down my street. She notified the police immediately and they have been searching for him since then.

Nothing has come up. We returned to find that the house had been left relatively unscathed. The police did not find even a trace of DNA. Whoever this man was, he was meticulous as all hell, and somehow had gained the knowledge of what my garage code was. It makes me shiver to think he may have been watching me even as I typed it in earlier in the week. God only knows what other knowledge he has to track me down. My parents have still yet to return home from their trip as their plane was delayed, so as of right now I am alone and still at the hotel with only a bottle of Jack Daniels to console me. A couple police cars has been stationed around the area of my house looking for the guy and they are all waiting upon his arrival. I am not leaving this hotel until this fucker is caught. I don’t think I will be able to sleep tonight. I am hoping this is the night he finally can’t track me.

The police have advised me to stop using any form of social media that can be indicative of where I am. That means no snapchat, no instagram, no facebook; nothing. They told me that I can use my laptop as long as I remain as low profile as possible. This means all I can do now is wait for the police to call me and tell me that the stalker has been caught. Now I am gonna try and figure out just who this guy is and why he might try to be stalking me.

Theory 1: My 9th grade Italian teacher. So I went to a private school and this teacher had basically been one of the biggest lunatics I had ever met in a school system. He was very outspoken in the way he described politics and very mean spirited during his time teaching. He would always make fun of students, had sometimes fallen asleep in class, and would always make perverted comments towards girls I knew. So one day, I decided to write an email to the Dean asking him to please fire the man from his teaching position and explaining the unacceptable behavior he had while working. It worked, and I have never seen the man since. Now the reason I think he could be a possibility is because he never particularly liked me, in fact I feel as though he singled me out in a lot of instances and picked on me. I don’t know if he ever found out I sent the email, but if he did I am extremely worried. I can’t tell if it was him or not when he spoke in my backyard, as I was in full adrenaline mode while I was screaming at him. I would say this is not a likely suspect but I’m just not sure.

Theory 2: My Christian deacon from back in second grade. I used to be part of this church program a while back when I was in elementary school. Out of all the head figures there one that always stood out to me: Deacon Anthony. He was a middle aged man, very soft spoken and he had always been very particularly nice to me and my friend Kevin. He would often bring us candy, talked to us about our home life, and treated us more fairly than the rest of the kids. One day my friend Kevin had told me that Deacon Anthony had asked Kevin if he wanted to go home with him to hang out. Kevin said no to him and told me. I told my parents about this and they had immediately contacted the church and told them about it. After that I never saw Deacon Anthony again. My parents later told me that they had contacted the board and he was removed from the church. If this is the guy, he must have had a massive personality shift after that incident because the way the man happily told me to “HAVE A NICE DAY” did not match up with the one he had when I was younger.

Theory 3: My classmate Derek from 8th grade. Derek was one of those insecure types who would always get off to making other people feel small. He was your standard 8th grade middleschool shiteater who deserved nothing but a good ass whooping, which unfortunately never came. However what did happen was I had started a rumor about him that I wish to not bring up, but it pretty much ruined his reputation and made him a laughing stock. He never found out it was me as far as I could tell, but from what I heard from my hometown while I went off to public school is that at our local public High School the rumor hadn’t stopped, and he turned into one of those quiet kids who never talked. Keep in mind, this kid literally had told my whole friend group to stop hanging out with me, so as far as I can tell this revenge was extremely justified in my mind. This may in fact be the prime suspect as he would most likely know where I live. I tried finding any sort of social media about him but nothing came up. This guy is a ghost and I have no idea what he has been up to.

Theory 4: Some complete stranger who I have no association with. Maybe this is just a genuine old school stalker who takes pride in picking out their prey from a random crowd. No one I have seen in this town for the past week has seemed particularly odd. The only one that comes to mind was this weird cashier at 7/11 who seemed particularly in love with his job. He may have some form of asperger's syndrome or just maybe he just takes pride in being a cashier but he was always very polite with his customers when he had been interacting with them. I had gone in to get a soda from the fountain and as the store was empty he had asked me:

“Hey is that all you're getting”

I said “Yeah this is all”

So he continues “Oh well congratulations! It’s free!”

I thought, sweet a free soda, this guy is the shit. I thanked him a ton as he was smoking a cigarette outside and I said “Have a good one” and left. Now I know what all of you must be thinking. This is definitely the guy. He’s a fucking cashier for crying out loud! Well, I am just not sure. This guy was probably in his thirties, seemed extremely grateful for his low end job, and just seemed content with what he had. He didn’t strike me as a stalker, but then again I haven’t been back to the store since so he maybe still be there or not there at all. Time will tell. I might have to stop by tomorrow and do a little more investigating.

As we speak it is 11:00 pm again, and I am staring out my hotel window scrolling through reddit. I am still dreading the moment I see a car with flashing high beams pull into the parking lot, so I will probably just be looking out my window all night again. I will post more updates if necessary. I appreciate you all, bye for now.

Edit 12:43 am: I'm reading all your comments guys and just so you guys know I can't get ahold of a gun as easily as most of you think. I live in a state where that shit does not fly the best think I have right now is pepper spray and baseball bat.

Edit: 1:37 am: Call me a lunatic but I left my room to get some fresh air. I couldn't stand being in this small ass hotel room one more second. I was bugging out like crazy though. Every person I saw seemed like a threat to me. I started talking with this one guy in the hotel lobby. Says he's been traveling from state on some sort of self indulged journey across the country. I asked him if he has any experiences with stalkers and he told me that he had been receiving anonymous calls a couple years back of from some guy. I asked if he has ever encountered one in his backyard or anything and he just looked at me funny. I explained to him the situation and he wished me the best of luck. Nothing out of the ordinary but it was nice to have some real human interaction while I am losing my mind.

Edit: 1:46 am: Alright one of the janitors must be fucking with me. I spent the last 10 minutes searching for my phone and asked someone outside my room to call it for me. I listened for the ringing and its in the fucking safe and the password is not the one they gave me. What the fuck?! This is fucking ridiculous! Whoever fucking did this is going to get torn a new one. I'm going to the manager right now to get this sorted out.

Edit 2:08 am: I'm demanding a different room. I am not staying in that same fucking room one more second. The whole staff is in there now trying to figure out the safe pass word. Meanwhile the manager is looking for the janitors who have been in my room to ask what the fuck they were thinking. Fuck this. I'm tired, I'm worried, and now I just lost my fucking phone. FUCK!

Edit 2:24 am: Its not the garage code guys I checked. Even if it was why would it be and how would the fucking stalker even get into my hotel room let alone rewire my safe?

Edit 2:26 am: Guys I'm not leaving the hotel ok I already paid the money to stay here I dont have any other place to go thats not 100 miles away. I have no car, I got here in an uber car and atleast here there is over a hundred people staying here. The stalker is not gonna come into a hotel full of people.

Edit 2:40 am: Ok now you guys got me worried. I'm sitting in my hotel room, all alone with no phone. No way to call an uber. No way to call the police. I'm starting to think one of the janitors got bribed to do this. I now not only have no way of driving away from here, but I have no way on contacting any family or anyone for that matter of getting me away from the hotel. I'm going to wait another 45 minutes and if they don't open the safe I am demanding they call an uber for me and I'm driving the hell out of here.

Edit 2:53 am: Someone just knocked on the door saying the safe is open. I told them alright and then they asked me to come get it. I asked him if he can slip it under the door but he said I need to go get it myself. I told him I would in a couple minutes and that he'd be waiting. I don't know what to do guys you're all fucking with my mind.

Edit 3:10 am: The man said that my phone is in the main lobby if I want it. I am on my laptop next to my window and I could have sworn out of the corner of my eye I saw a car flashing its high beams. I don't know if I should hold out till morning or get my phone and leave...

Edit 3:14 am: Guys I am not waiting until 3:24 for this guy to fucking come into my room and jump me. I am packing and getting the fuck out of here. I'll keep you guys posted on mobile when I get my phone back.

Edit 3:16 pm: Alright guys I'm staying a friends place for right now. Just to clarify when I said not a trace of DNA was found I meant that there was nothing that was found to trace this guy back. Like a glove or figure prints on the garage key pad. The police did not do a full investigation obviously. The guy still hasn't been found. My neighbors have told me no one has been back to the house and my parents are currently staying at my aunt's down south. I got my phone back and there was a missed call from some guy named Nick Sullivan. Whats strange his name was never put in my contacts. I have never met anybody named Nick Sullivan in my life and I don't know how it was in there. I tried calling back and it just went to voicemail. Creepy shit none the less. Maybe I'm just paranoid I don't know. I'll see if I can make another update tonight. Bye for now.

Edit 4:24 pm: I just posted an album on imgur of pictures I took yesterday when I went back to my house. See for yourselves.

Album

#creepy #horror story #author: Opinionson #stalker #series #i've been seeing a man in my backyard series

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sterekgala-blog · 7 years

Photo

A rec list will be posted every day with a few of our favorite Sterek Christmas fics, and a masterpost of all our rec lists will be posted on the 31st. Requests are always welcomed!

New Year’s Countdown Rec List #10

the smell of pine in the winter time by jadore_hale || 3k

“I call bullshit,” Stiles announced then turned to Derek skeptically. “How can you be afraid of spiders? You lived in your old burned down home. You had no roof! All kind of bugs must have been crawling on you when you were asleep!”

“I bought expensive repellent to keep them away.”

“But what about when you lived in the underground train car?”

“Again, no spiders!”

“But you’re a werewolf! All you do is run around in the woods! Basically, spider territory!”

“Hey, do I question you about your irrational fear of yogurt?”

------------

Stiles had no idea Derek had any huge fears until an itsy bitsy spider crawled out from under their Christmas tree and Derek loses his shit.

Really fun story, I love Derek and Stiles’ banter in this one

Don’t Shoot me, Santa by LunaCanisLupus_22 || 8k

“Hey,” Scott greets, as he sidles up toward the balcony on Stiles’ left. He’s smart enough not to try and sneak up behind him- Jackson learnt that lesson the hard way. His werewolf hand didn’t heal for hours because Stiles broke so many bones. “How you doing?”

“Oh you know me, Scotty,” Stiles replies, viciously tearing apart some tinsel that had been wrapped painstakingly around the balcony’s rail a few seconds earlier. “Full of Christmas cheer.”

Or the Annual PACK Christmas party fic where Derek is otherwise unavailable and Stiles wallows. A lot. Until he doesn't.

I’m going to hell for this one. Very explicit sexual content. With an overly sexy santa outfit. I regret nothing.

Caring for Your Caroler by mikkimouse || 2k

Derek’s neighbor is singing Christmas carols in the backyard at 2 a.m. Derek’s going to kill him.

Derek does not, in fact, kill him ;)

I'll Wait Up For You, Dear by WhoNatural || 5.5k

Derek is the Uber driver who always seems to be up when Stiles needs a ride home from work.

Shy Derek is too precious

The Rest of Your Life by paradis || 4k

“Seemed like a buttercream guy,” Stiles says innocently, and grabs two forks and pours two huge glasses of milk. They eat in silence and when Stiles finishes his mouth is filled with the too-sweet taste of peanut butter icing and chocolate cake, and he’s full, but he feels good, too. He stares at Derek, who’s licking his lips after his last bite of cake. “I think I’m probably not straight,” he says suddenly. And Derek says, “I ripped down the whole top floor of the house this morning thinking about Laura.”

Super a cheesy romcom type fic that melts my heart every time

In the New Year by pyes || 45K

In Beacon Hills they don't say "Happy Holidays." Instead they say "Yo, Derek," which translates to "I'm pretty sure I soul-bound my sorry ass to the floor of your loft, four years ago, while reading spells off the internet." I think that's beautiful.

Such a great and original story!

With A Little Christmas Magic by AceLottie || 10.5k

AU: Stiles is jobless this Christmas and as a last resort, is stuck playing one of Santa’s elves at the mall. The job is a bust, and Stiles isn’t really in the Christmas mood, until he finds salvation in the Starbucks at the food court, not only in hiding from kids, but in one very sexy barista named Derek. ((Or: In which Stiles is an Elf and Derek is a Christmas Coffee Magician))

I want moooooooorrrreeeeee

The Company I keep by secondstar || 65k

Stiles has a favorite table at the library. Then some asshole comes along and steals it from him.

Truly an amazing fic to read during the holiday season

Thank You For Breaking My Heart by Loz || 14.5k

Even though Christmas was the fucking worst, Derek had a moment to hang his hopes on --- Scott coming into the coffee shop and gracing him with his smile. Little did Derek know that rescuing Scott from hunters would lead to him convincing Scott's family they were engaged. This might not have been such a problem if Scott's step-brother Stiles wasn't so suspicious and oddly charming.

I love the romcom that inspired this fic and I love the way the author converted it into sterek

how you doin’? by decideophobia || 6.5k

“So,” Derek says eventually, because he feels awkward and uncomfortable, “how you doin’?”

Oh my gosh this is incredible! The tone, the pacing, Laura’s personality, Stiles and Derek dancing around each other, and I could go on and on forever! Too cute! Just, just too damn cute!

1|| 2|| 3|| 4|| 5|| 6|| 7|| 8|| 9|| 10|| 11|| 12|| 13|| 14|| 15

Submit in your favorite winter fics here so they can claim a spot on our countdown list! Any winter fics, old or new, are welcomed!!!

#Sterek #sterek fic #sterek fanfiction #stiles stilinski #derek hale #rec list #holiday fic #christmas #new years countdown #sterek gala

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winedwords · 7 years

Text

Adam| Gasoline 2/2 |Cole

Title: Gasoline 2/2

Words; 10,104

Warnings; smut

A/N: repost from the old blog

"I hope you know what you're doing."

God fucking damnit, this was a redeye and I hadn't slept yet. If I heard someone say that to me one more time I swear to god, I will break some faces. It was a fourteen hour flight from Seattle to Tokyo and I was not gonna sit here and be lectured for those fourteen hours by some asshat who wanted to Monday morning quarterback my decisions. I whipped my head around with a snarl, ready to verbally disassemble the dude who'd dared to comment on the events of a couple weeks ago.

The words died on the tip of my tongue once I made eye contact with the man who spoke.

Kyle O'Reilly.

The current Ring of Honor World Champion, former best friend of Adam Cole, and by all reports, one of the most genuine people I hadn't met in the locker room.

I guess I was going to get to know him really well on this flight based off of the stoniness of his face and the last available seat on this end of the plane being the aisle seat next to me. The window seat had been taken by an older gentleman in his 60s, who had promptly fallen asleep in his seat well before take off.

"I've been asked that a lot lately and it's enough to give a girl a complex."

The corner of Kyle's mouth tilted upwards.

"I don't doubt that. I'm Kyle," he said as he extended a large, calloused hand to me. I looked to his face, to his hand, and back again before I reached out to shake his hand.

"(Y/N)."

The world champion nodded his head in acknowledgement before releasing my hand and swinging his carry ons into the overhead compartments. Karma really was a bitch, wasn't it. I did what I felt I needed to do to help the Motor City Machine Guns win, and the universe just wanted to keep throwing shit at me.

"I get why you did it, y'know."

I almost jumped out of my skin. Somehow, for such a large man, Kyle was able to settle into the seat next to me and buckle up without me noticing. I really needed to get out of my own head before we touched down in Tokyo. The boys needed me sharp for this tour with New Japan, we were going to be in Bullet Club's backyard.

"What?"

Kyle shook his head. "The thing with Cole. I get it. Anything to get an edge and the upper hand right?"

I turned to him and gave a weak smile. "Yeah, that's what I keep telling myself too."

The silence was thick as the jet engines kicked into gear and we slowly started heading down the runway. My head bowed as my thoughts travelled back two weeks, my lower lip caught between my teeth.

The start to the show was not going well.

Bullet Club was in the ring, holding it and the show hostage. The Young Bucks, the Guerillas of Destiny, and Adam Cole cut an imposing set of figures, with the former world champion pacing the ring like a caged animal and a microphone in his hand. I hadn't chewed on my nails in years, but since the show the week prior, my nerves had been taken out on my cuticles and tonight was no different as I stared at the monitor in the private dressing room.

The Machine Guns hadn't let me out of their sight, accompanying me pretty much everywhere. I love those two more than my own family, but I had to draw the line when they were trying to follow me into the women's locker room. They'd taken my protests as a challenge and asked Nigel to arrange for our own locker room. Nigel, having a soft spot for me, didn't question the request and happily ordered for a Machine Guns dressing room.

"Last week was a fluke. The Motor City Machine Guns aren't good enough to be the tag champions. They aren't good enough to carry Bullet Club's bags, hell they're not even good enough to carry my jock strap." Cole pauses, for a couple beats, to soak in the crowd's reaction.

"And then, what really kills me, is they send in (Y/N) to interfere in Bullet Club business," he scoffed. "They send in a woman to attempt to neutralize the greatest stable of all time, a woman who has to resort to underhanded and shady means to help her team screw The Young Bucks out of their titles. Titles, that without interference, would still belong to them and to Bullet Club!"

Adam stopped his pacing, turned to face the ramps, and leaned over the ropes, a menacing sneer on his face and practically spat his next words. "(Y/N), you're gonna come out from the back, you're gonna come into this ring, and you're gonna apologize to Matt and Nick for costing them the match. You're going to apologize to the Club for costing us gold and you're going to apologize to me, (Y/N). You're going to apologize for this bruise on my face, you're going to apologize for your actions, everything!"

In our dressing room, both Alex and Chris were on their feet, fuming mad. I stood as still as stone, the cuticle of my left thumb caught between my teeth and my right arm hugging my body. I figured it would be best for me to chew on it instead of admitting to myself that my hands were shaking.

"How fucking dare he?! He interfered in the match first!" Chris ground the words out through clenched teeth. Alex nodded tensely in agreement, "You wouldn't have had to go as far as you did if he just didn't come to ringside."

I said nothing. For as much as we talked about the events of last week, they didn't have any idea that I wanted that kiss as much as I did. They knew of my infatuation with Adam Cole, hell, they knew of that weeks before this whole mess had occurred. They just didn't know how deep this ran. How every night since that fateful show, I had woken up, wet and aching, with Adam's name at the back of my lungs and the phantom sensation of his lips on mine. No, they didn't know and they couldn't know.

"We're waiting, (Y/N). We're not leaving this ring until you come out."

Fuck fuck fuck this is not good. Adam was a stubborn man and he was used to getting his way by throwing his proverbial and literal weight around. The fans had paid good money to come see a wrestling show, to see their favorites compete in matches, and to have a good time. They didn't come here to listen to Bullet Club whine and lick their wounds in the ring.

It was as I was thinking, that the camera panned to the announce table, where Kevin Kelly, Steve Corino, and Nigel McGuinness sat. Nigel, that lovely Englishman, looked dead into the camera and spoke, "(Y/N), sweetheart, I know you're in the back, watching this. You don't have to come out here, we'll get secur-"

Shit, Adam had overheard and rounded on the announce team. "Don't you say it Nigel! You've been soft on (Y/N) since she got here. You've been helping her duck justice from the Bullet Club!"

Out of nowhere, there was this surge of fire in my belly, and I was so angry. I'd had enough of this. Quicker than the Machine Guns could react, I was out of the dressing room and down the corridor like a shot. I could hear their faint shouts behind me, but I knew I'd be at the gorilla position long before they could catch me. Those who were in the ring were the only Club members stateside, thank god. Cody and Hangman were in Japan up to no good with Omega.

As soon as I was at the guerilla position, I attempted a smile at Mike, the sound guy. It came off as more of a baring of teeth based on the paling of his face. "Mike, lovey, I need you to cue my music so I can stop that shit in the ring."

Mike nodded quickly and hit the lights and music for my entrance.

I could see in the monitors that Adam's, and indeed all of the Club's, attention had snapped back to the ramp at the first couple deep baselines of my entrance music. A quick cursory fluff of my hair, snatched the proffered microphone from a particularly eager gopher, and I stepped through the curtain.

Damn that pop was loud. I grinned at the crowd, if just to mask the surprise on my face at the intensity of the cheers.

"You really didn't have to do all this or bring all your friends if you wanted my attention, handsome. You know I will always make time for you, you just had to ask nicely."

Well that was sassier than I was hoping. Certainly sassier than what the Bucks were expecting. Matt's jaw dropped in a comical fashion and Nick's eyes widened to almost bugging out levels. Adam's expression was thunderous, a tic developing along his clenched jaw. I couldn't see a reaction from the two Guerilla brothers, but I wanted to blame that on their face paint. "Oh c'mon now, Cole. You had so much to say earlier. I just can't imagine what's got you so quiet, especially since I'm not down there to keep your mouth occupied."

And there it was, my mouth spewing shit before my brain had a chance to catch it. The audience roared in approval. Adam's face split into a shark like grin, all teeth and bad intentions. "Well, sweetness, why don't you get your fine ass into this ring so we can talk about this like adults, instead of you hiding on the ramp."

His strut screamed of confidence as he sat on the second rope and pushed the top rope up with little effort, an invitation into the ring with Bullet Club. The head of the American chapter waved his arm enticingly towards the ring. To the outside observer, he was the picture of charm and charisma.

I shook my head with a husky giggle.

"See handsome, that's not how I do things. I want you to have my total and undivided attention," I crooned lasciviously. "It'd be hard to do that while trying to avoid the super kick party that I know I've been invited to. I rather like where everything is on my face."

Adam let go of the of the ropes, snarling, "Don't get cute. You have to be held accountable for your actions, (Y/N), everything has a consequence."

"See Adam, I think you're looking at this the wrong way. 60% of the things that happened last week were business decisions. The other 40%? That was all personal, bay bay, and I wouldn't mind a repeat performance." I dropped my microphone onto the ramp with a wink, and hightailed it through the curtain as I saw Adam's eyes darken.

My mouth was going to keep getting me into trouble, in more ways than one.

I was jostled out of my thoughts by O'Reilly's elbow into my arm.

I hissed and rubbed the sore spot, but my retort was cut off by a stewardess with a kind face asking, "Did you want anything to drink honey?" I stumbled over my words, my face flushing bright red, before I was able to stutter out, "W-water would be great, ma'am."

Kyle's stare was indecipherable. Even after the stewardess handed me my water, he was still studying me.

"Do I have something on my face?"

He shook his head. "I'm sure you're exhausted of people questioning you. I just want you to know that Cole's been mooning after you for fuckin' years." The words struck me like an actual blow to my stomach and I almost choked on the water I was sipping, but Kyle continued.

"I think since the ladder match with Gail Kim down in TNA. I remember watchin' it with him and he practically had hearts in his eyes. I'm honestly surprised he hasn't made a move on you sooner. He's not gonna take all that's happened lightly. I want you to be ready for the shitstorm that's waiting for you when we touch down."

"What?!" God, I was so eloquent.

Kyle responded with a small, wry smile. "You forget, I practically lived in the dude's pocket for years. I know him better than anyone. He's been a little obsessed with you for as long as I can remember."

I blinked at him, the words being slow to process. Kyle, who must've seen the gears turning in my head, was patient and waited for the words he could sense coming.

"That match with Gail was almost six years ago. There's no way he's been carrying a torch for me that long."

The champion gave a rather uncharacteristic snort. "You've interacted with him enough to know that he's like a dog with a bone when he wants something. He's not going to stop chasing you, (Y/N), he's got this idea of you in his head. He was already hard up for you before you knocked him out, which was fucking awesome by the way, the highlight of my week, but he's not going to let you go now."

Given my interactions with Adam and the rest of Bullet Club over the past two weeks, the implications of Kyle's words sunk like a stone in my chest. I must have telegraphed everything on my face, Kyle appeared a bit panicked and was quick to rush out his next words.

"Look. I'm not trying to scare you. I just don't want you going in blind, because you seem like a good girl. I don't think Adam has it in him to intentionally physically hurt you. Hell, the way he's been acting these past two weeks, I think he'd do just about anything for your attention."

I had prided myself on being one of the most cerebral people in this business, watching nothing but tape of potential opponents and allies, getting a read on who to trust and who wasn't worth the tape on their hands. This business was one based off of politics and manipulations of the human condition. It only took me getting burned once, when I first started in this business when I was 18, to learn that there was a game afoot and you either played that game or the game played you..

I'd known before the title match the risks, or I thought I did. I'd known the potential repercussions of toying with a flirtatious Adam Cole, a man who could be considered vindictive on his best day and downright vengeful on his worst. I had no clue what to expect from a seriously infatuated Adam Cole.

"So what would you recommend I do, champ?"

Kyle appeared pensive and he ran a hand over his face. He wasn't the only one who felt that this entire situation was surreal. "I guess it depends on you. "

That was a curveball and I blinked. "What do you mean it depends on me?"

"What do you want with Adam Cole?"

Goddamnit, he just stated that as if it was such an easy question to answer.

"You ask that as if it's so simple," I scoffed.

"Because it is for him, (Y/N). Simple I mean. When he wants something, he does everything he can to take it. And once he has it, he's like a kid with a new toy. It's his and no one else can play with that toy, even if the toy is just sitting on the shelf collecting dust. "

Its during this speech that I can feel my face heating with indignation and my fists were clenched in my lap. Kyle holds up a hand and stops me before I can even open my mouth.

"Let me finish before you tear me a new asshole. I'm not sayin' its right, cause it's not. What I'm tryin' to say is he's a possessive fucker and a lot of people don't know it because he covers it up by being as charming and charismatic as possible. Once he knows he's got his hooks into you, it's over. I know Cole like the back of my damn hand and he wants everything from you. He's gonna take and take and take, until there's nothing left. So what. do. you. want."

O'Reilly's gaze was too intense for me to make eye contact. I turned my head back to my hands, which were tightly folded in my lap to stop them from shaking. His words were like an angry swarm of bees and I had to choke down the rising fight or flight response. This was not me. I was not a reactive, emotional person. I made lists, I plotted for things that might not happen, and I had contingencies plans for my contingency plans. I didn't panic, I didn't get blindsided, things like this don't happen to people like me.

My moniker, the Most Dangerous Woman in the World, wasn't because I could outwrestle or outmuscle the competition. It was because I was prepared for everyone, in one way or another. Except this.

What did I want?

I sure as shit wanted orgasms, that was a given. A girl could only get by so long with the help of her battery operated boyfriend, when she's waking up at all hours of the night completely out of her mind and in need of a change of panties. Sex with Adam had the potential to be mind blowing, if the assorted ring rat tales were to be believed.

But did I want him? He was a bit of a hothead, overly flirtatious, egotistical, and prone to double-crosses. He was arrogant, acerbic, and had a severe dislike of any authority other than his own.

On the other hand, on the rare moment where he thought no one was looking, he'd seemed years younger, less guarded, and downright playful, especially around the Bucks. Where he was carefree and quick with a joke. Where his shoulders relaxed and his eyes crinkled at the edges when he laughed. That was the Cole I wanted, but I don't think I could get one without the other.

"I don't know what I want."

Kyle nodded, sensing that the conversation about Adam Cole was over. He reached into the seat pocket in front of him and produced an iPad. "Wanna watch some Netflix? I haven't started Stranger Things."

I practically beamed and nodded my head enthusiastically.

The remaining thirteen hours of the flight went by quicker than I'd like to admit, interspersed with episodes, naps, and happy chatter about what we'd be doing in our downtime during the two week Japanese tour.

Landing in Japan, saying goodbye to Kyle, and getting to my hotel had been a blur. When I had left Seattle, the sun had just set, nearing almost twilight. As soon as we had landed, it was late evening. Jetlag was a bitch, and all I wanted was a soft place to sleep. I must have looked a sight, all rumpled clothes and bleary eyes, because the matronly woman at the front desk told me as she was giving me my room key that she would be having a complimentary cup of tea and soup delivered to my room. She smiled and returned my hasty bow of thanks.

Now it was just an elevator ride to my bed for the night. It felt like the doors took a century to close and I almost cried with relief when the doors began to close. The elevator doors were close, so close to sealing and taking me to my ninth floor room when a hand stopped their progress and a too familiar male voice chuckled, "Almost missed it!"

My grandmother had a turn of phrase she would always tell me when I was small, something that never rang truer than it did now: speak of the devil often enough, and he shall appear. And there he was, looking like effortless sin in black sweatpants and a Bullet Club shirt, his hair swept up and away from his face in a messy bun.

The grin on Adam Cole's face spread to almost Cheshire proportions as he sauntered alone through the doors when he saw that it was just me in the elevator. "Well, well, well, it's my lucky day. Who knew it would take me a flight around the world to get you alone, sweetness."

Electricity shot up my spine as the doors closed and the temperature felt like it had spiked. "Look, not that you don't normally get my motor running, handsome, but I just got off a 14 hour flight and all I want is the bed waiting for me in my room."

He kept silent giving a casual glance at the directory of floors as he was moving towards me, my words clearly brushed off. For every step he took towards me, I took a step back, and it wasn't long until my back met the wall of the elevator.

Ding.

Adam was quick to crowd himself around me, his left arm caging me in, palm against the wall near my head, and his right wrapping around my hips to pull me in closer. His arm around my waist put every nerve ending on edge. It was the skin on skin contact of his wandering right hand finding just the barest sliver of skin exposed by my shirt that made me give a small whimper. The look in his eyes quickly shifted to something dark and heated at the sound and the fact that I made no move to extricate myself from his grip.

Ding.

"You wanna know what I think (Y/N)?" He leaned down to murmur into the skin at the base of my jaw. His mouth trailed along my jawline, the sensation of his breath and his facial hair caused my breath to quicken. "I think you want this as much as me. I think you can't get what happened two weeks ago out of your head. I think you want to know what it's like for me to make you scream my name."

He was so, so, so close and so warm. Body heat was practically radiating off of him as I began to feel sweat bead at my hairline. His lips were just an arched back away and the combination of his proximity and cologne were making the pink fog I had come to associate with his nearness come over my brain.

Ding.

"I think you like to hear yourself talk, Cole."

His chuckle was dark and the sound was like a bolt of electricity directly to my core, causing me to clench my thighs together to quell some of the growing pressure.

"That might be true, but I'm right, aren't I?"

I didn't get a chance to respond because he roughly pressed his mouth against mine. The intensity behind his kiss startled me and my mouth opened with a gasp. Ever the opportunist, Adam took the chance to sweep his tongue across mine and I had to anchor myself by grabbing his broad shoulders because I had lost confidence in my knees ability to keep my upright. Any misgivings I had had following my conversation with O'Reilly went out the window as I pressed back with my tongue enthusiastically. I'd be damned if I didn't give as good as I got.

I had never been so happy for the front desk taking my bags to my room.

Ding.

His left hand went from braced against the wall of the elevator to grabbing my thigh and hooking my leg around his slim waist, all the while his mouth never stopped moving against mine. Once he was satisfied with the knowledge that I wasn't going to immediately remove my leg from his waist, his left had returned to my ass, and with a firm squeeze and lift, he pressed himself up against my hips. I was glad for this wall and for him to be supporting some of my weight because I would have collapsed at the feel of his cock through our clothing.

Hard. Long. And given the amount of confidence Adam had, likely thick.

He was going to wreck me if this ever... no, when the inevitable finally happened.

Ding.

I bit his lower lip a little harder than I intended to at the first press of his hips against mine. The answering groan was almost pornographic, his hips pressed even harder into mine, and he began to grind. It felt like fireworks were going off when the hard ridge of his cock rubbed just the right way through my leggings, catching the little bundle of nerves between my thighs. I was practically mewling as he pulled his mouth away from mine, his hips never stopping their grinding motion, and began to press his mouth against my neck and collarbone.

Ding.

"God, the fuckin' sounds you make," Adam growled into the skin of my neck, making me shiver. "I've thought about this for a long time, sweetness, and you feel and taste so much better than I could have ever imagined."

I wasn't confident in my ability to form words, and they went completely out the window when Adam began to alternate between nibbling and sucking at the junction of where my neck met my shoulder. My hands went to his head and I pushed him away just far enough to issue a muttered warning, "No hater marks."

His only response was a devious smile and he went back to nibbling and placing open mouthed kisses along my neck.

Ding.

His right hand had become adventurous and had snuck entirely underneath my hooded sweatshirt and shirt. The touch of his hand along my spine caused me to arch into him with a whine and my nails dug into his scalp. Adam's hip bucked in response and he pressed his lips back against me, with what sounded almost like a purr.

My traitorous brain began to whirr. He liked his hair pulled, he responded to my nails digging into his scalp, he seemed to like me biting a little harder into his lip... Did he like a little pain with his pleasure?

Only one way to find out. I let my hands down towards his neck and then I dragged nails across his shoulders, hard enough that I knew I was going to leave behind little red lines.

My hips at this point were rocking against Adam's of their own accord, causing sparks of pleasure to fire along my nervous system. He thrust hard enough with his hips in response to my nails on his shoulders that my right foot left the ground for a moment.

"Don't do that again unless you want me to fuck you in this elevator."

The intense promise was muttered against my lips and I felt a bolt of exhilaration through the pink haze. That sounded so damn promising...

Ding.

The elevator doors slid open while we were embraced and a young, lanky bellhop, having not looked into the elevator yet, began to push his cart into the small space. The noise of the cart cause the two of us to look up at the same time towards the source. He looked up, made eye contact with the two of us, and grew red faced. I'm sure the position we were in was practically scandalous, hair mussed, his hands in compromising places, and my leg hooked tightly around his waist. The unfortunate bellhop was stuttering out an apology when I disentangled myself from around Adam, sidestepped the embarrassed young man, and dove out of the elevator to what I hoped was the hallway to my room.

I'd lost my cool. The pep talk I had given myself on the plane went down in flames as soon as I had met those too-blue eyes. Any resolve I had had to resist and be strong in the wake of Adam Cole's advances turned to dust. This was entirely unacceptable and quite frankly, made me doubt myself if I just turned into a puddle of goo whenever the former champion got into my personal space.

I could hear Adam calling my name as I hurried my way through the corridors, thankfully having found my room purely by mistake. I fumbled with getting the room key into the slot, the sounds of Adam calling my name in the hallways serving to further agitate me. The door finally opened and I swung myself inside, closing the door rapidly behind me.

The door had been shut for less than a couple seconds and I was crumpled on the ground of my hotel room, hand down the front of leggings and rubbing furiously against the slick little bundle of nerves between my legs. Given the state Adam had worked me into in the matter of a couple minutes, it only took a couple rotations of my wrist and I was coming apart with a broken sob of his name.

Morning came entirely too soon, and I woke in a foul mood as the sun hadn't even risen yet. I was jetlagged and exhausted and holy shit I looked like something out of a horror movie. I had deep purple smudges underneath my eyes, swollen red lips, and my neck looked like I had been attacked based off of the multicolored bruising I had on the right side of my neck and collarbone. I stomped out of the hotel bathroom and threw my suitcase open with a screech. Thank god this business had taught me how to cover bruises and jetlag with artful layers of cosmetics.

Bzz. Bzz.

Alex S.: You up? We're gonna grab breakfast and coffee before heading to the arena. Meet in the lobby in 20?

Me: Yeah. Meet ya'll down there.

I grabbed my go bag with my valet gear and paused in the hotel mirror to painstakingly apply a coat of matte red liquid lipstick.

My boozy aunty Eleanor, may god bless her southern heart, always did tell me that the best way to handle a problem was to put on some expensive lipstick and attack it. Once satisfied with my lipstick, I smirked in the mirror, and sashayed out the door.

Today, despite the rough start, was going to be alright.

Breakfast went off without a hitch, Chris and Alex were honestly rays of sunshine. It didn't matter what happened the night before, what kind of mistakes I may have made, they were always cracking jokes and constantly trying to out-clown the other. They'd said nothing about the amount of artfully applied concealer to my undereyes or the extra large quad shot espresso drink I had ordered in broken Japanese, even if it was clear that this wasn't all jetlag related.

I didn't pay too much attention during the van ride to the arena, or even the settling into the dressing room at the arena, I was content to just sip on my ridiculously large and sweet coffee. It wasn't until a production assistant came around with the night's card. It was when the assistant handed me the copy of the card that my mood soured again.

The universe just really, really liked fucking with me.

First match of ours on the Japanese tour?

Motor City Machine Guns, Kushida, and Yoshitatsu vs. Kenny Omega, Adam Cole, and the Young Bucks.

Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out.

"Erm, you okay, (Y/N)?"

Chris looked legitimately worried about the way my face had tightened up with irritation.

"Don't worry about me Chris. Just wondering when karma is gonna stop fucking with me," I muttered as I handed over the card to the man. It took him a second of reading down the card and then his face went stony.

"Wanna bet money that Cody is gonna be ringside? Hangman has a match against Evil."

I grimaced. "I fuckin' hope not. I haven't watched much tape on him since he left the 'E. I don't know what I might be working against."

"You'll be fine. You're one of the best damn women in the business today and we've got the utmost confidence in you." Alex called from the shower stall. "Where are we on the card?"

"We're match three, 20 minute time limit. We're on in two hours. So make yourselves pretty guys."

There was no time to think about why Adam kept getting thrown into my path. Getting match ready, even if I was only valeting tonight, was a painstaking process and we all had our own little rituals that needed to be adhered to. The makeup and taping of wrists and ankles were the easy part. It was the strapping on whatever scandalous valet outfit I deemed necessary. If I were actually in a match tonight, my gear would never by this revealing or risqué, due to the risks of malfunctions, but part of being a valet was to support your people by any means necessary.

So that meant we were honeypotting it up tonight. Thank god I had packed a wide variety of options. There was this strappy hot pants and bustier number that would be perfect with my over-the-knee boots for occasions such as this. I normally didn't need the red lipstick and the suggestive clothing to feel confident in high intensity situations, but given that I'd already lost my proverbial shit in the past twenty four hours, I wasn't going to be taking any chances.

The two hours passed entirely too quickly and we quickly found ourselves in the ring, with Alex's old Time Splitter tag partner, Kushida, and the Bullet Club Hunter himself, Yoshitatsu. We'd had just a couple of seconds to attempt to strategize over the noise of the crowd when the Bullet Club theme hit the speakers.

"Bullet Club f-f-f-f-for life..."

The crowd popped when five figures appeared at the ramp. Omega, Cole, the Young Bucks, of fucking course being accompanied by the American Nightmare, Cody.

Of all the tours to have left my brass knuckles at home, I thought, as the five men made their way towards the ring. Eight man tag action was going to be chaotic and awareness of my surroundings and the ring would be key, especially with Cody lurking at ringside with me. The five men were sizing us up in the ring, with varying degrees of interest. Nick and Matt were yelling and jeering, complete with crass hand motions. Cody seemed dispassionate and sized us up, his handsome face sent in a deep scowl. Adam had let his eyes wander over the four men in the ring before stopping on me. I could feel the hot caress of his eyes as they cased my body from head to toe pausing long enough to make me flush on my red painted lips. He'd stopped at the bottom of the ramp, chewing intently on the gum in his mouth. Once he'd seemed satisfied, he rounded his way to Bullet Club's corner.

It was Omega who had caught me off guard.

I'd known that he was an intense character, but catching his stare was like catching the stare of a mad scientist who had found a particularly interesting subject to dissect. I maintained the eye contact without flinching, when I was really trying to suppress a shiver at the clinical look, and he'd cocked his head with a smirk. He'd seemed satisfied with the fact that I hadn't backed down. He was the first to break eye contact, like he hadn't just been sizing me up.

It was as the members of Bullet Club were climbing into the ring that Alex began to nudge me towards the ropes. He'd seemed to notice that Adam had had his eyes trained on me. "Stay safe out there. If you have to get involved, make sure the ref ain't lookin'."

I nodded, walking with a little added swing to my hips towards the ropes. The heat of Cole's eyes on my back ratcheted up in intensity, I didn't need to look behind me to know that.

It was as soon as I was off the apron that the bell sounded to start the match. It was going to be Kushida starting off against Nick. They locked up and I was quick to start tracking the motions of the other Club members. Yoshitatsu, as the Bullet Club Hunter, had given us advice that really was invaluable: it's not necessarily what's in the ring that you need to worry about, its who's outside the ring.

Cody seemed to be conferencing with Kenny and Adam at ringside. The discussion itself was intense, with Adam reacting negatively to whatever Cody was saying. His entire body seemed to clench up and I could see the tic in his jaw from my end of the ring. Kenny seemed thoughtful and impartial, appearing to take into account both of the men's words. I didn't have to think long about what they were discussing when Cody pointed. At me.

��Adam snarled and took a threatening step towards Cody. Matt put a hand to Adam's chest to stop him and Kenny stood and studied the second generation wrestler for a beat, before shaking his head and dismissing whatever it was that Cody had suggested. Cody scowled, clearly unhappy that neither of the two Club leaders were interested in his plan. Cole had seen me studying the episode in their corner and shot me a wink.

Through the course of the match, Cody didn't stop stalking in the Bullet Corner. He couldn't sit still and was full of nervous energy that it put me on edge. He was working himself up and it wasn't going to turn out well for someone.

It came to a head when all eight men began a brawl in the middle of the ring. Cody and I had made eye contact and a slow, cold smile spread across his face as he began to stalk towards me. He was taking advantage of the distraction of the mayhem in the ring to directly disregard what he'd been told to not do. My boys were going to be of no help, as they were busy trading punches with the Bucks. So I did the best I could do in this situation: run.

It didn't matter how low the heel on these boots were. It didn't matter how fast my mile was or high my endurance was. Cody had nearly a foot of height on me, so every two steps of mine, was one step for him. He was gaining fast and my lungs were burning from the effort. I had maybe twenty seconds before the second generation wrestler was in striking distance.

I didn't see that just around the bend, Kushida and Adam Cole had come out to the floor. I didn't see Adam gearing up for a superkick on a prone Kushida, because I had turned my head to check for Cody. What happened next seemed to happen in slow motion.

I had rounded the corner at full speed, as Adam was starting his super kick. Kushida, whom was in front of me, had some sort of freakish sixth sense of what was coming, and ducked out of the way.

Which left me running, full tilt, into a super kick.

The pain in on the left side of my jaw and face was blinding and I dropped like a ton of bricks to the floor, the right side of my head clipping just along the barrier on my way down. My ears were ringing and my vision was out of focus so I couldn't tell you who cupped my face so tenderly and was saying something to me.

Warmsafefeelsgoodwarmsafe

I'm not sure if I leaned into their hands and pressed a messy kiss to skin and slurred, "S'okay. S'okay. Happens."

The hands were ripped away and everything went dark.

I woke up two minutes later, bound to a stretcher, a C-collar firmly around my neck, and surrounded by medical staff. Alex and Chris' faces swam in my vision and I had to summon the effort to mutter, "Get the fuck back into the ring ya dipshits. 'M fine."

Their faces broke into grins, were they grins?, and then their faces disappeared as I was rolled to the back to be checked out by the trainers.

I couldn't tell you who won the match. Hell, I couldn't tell you how long I was in the trainer's room, being poked and prodded. I was cleared of a concussion, but it certainly didn't feel that way. The migraine I had was pounding in rhythm with my heart beat, my jaw was swollen and tight, and my hand was soon to be frostbitten from holding the ice.

I'd never been happier to see Chris and Alex burst through the door, sweaty and concerned. I could see the two of them grappling with their desire to wrap me up in a hug and their concern with injuring me further.

"Y'only get to hug me all sweaty like this once guys. Y'fuckin' reek."

They shook their heads in tandem and soon enough, I was wrapped up in a sweaty group hug on the trainer's table. We stayed like that for a couple moments, Alex mumbling, "You scared us taking that kick, (Y/N)."

Chris murmured his agreement, "You just went limp. We thought Cole had killed you. Though I don't think I've ever seen him so freaked out before."

"Wait what? Walk me through what happened, because I don't remember much of anything between taking the kick and then finding myself on a stretcher to the back."

Chris and Alex moved away just enough so that they weren't crowding me, but kept their arms over my shoulders and waist prospectively.

"I saw you take the kick, while you were running from Cody. You went down and down hard, I think you caught your head on the barrier?" Alex said, looking a little pale.

Chris nodded, adding, "Cole looked terrified, (Y/N), when he saw that he'd caught you with the super kick. He almost took off one of the medic's heads when they were trying to get to you." Chris' eyebrows arched, implying that he'd caught on to what was going on.

I shook my head, and then groaned at the motion. "Can we just go back to the hotel, guys? Ya'll need a shower and I need my bed."

45 minutes, a van ride, and two helicopters imitating men later, I was safely ensconced in my room. A hot shower left my skin pink and feeling a little more human. I had pulled in my normal sleeping clothes of an oversized Machine Gun's shirt and a pair of plain boyshorts and had curled up in bed with my phone.

Three new messages.

Alex: Let me know if you need anything.

Chris: If you need anything, text me before you text Alex. He took a mean powerbomb from the top rope.

My heart felt like it grew three sizes too big. I don't know what I did to deserve these two, but damn it I wasn't going to complain.

The third message was more concerning to me. I didn't recognize the area code, though a quick search of Google told me it was Japanese.

Unknown: Its Omega. Please, if not for anything but my sanity, talk to Cole. He's moping. I don't want to deal with his moping anymore. 850-555-1234.

My eyebrows disappeared into my hairline. How did Kenny Omega get my number?

Me: How did you get this number?

The three little dots on my phone mocked me as the man took his sweet time responding.

Unknown: Does it matter? Your boy is upset. Fix it.

Me: He's not my anything and he's surely not mine to fix.

Unknown: You so sure about that kitten? I'm handling Cody, you need to handle Cole.

I caught my lower lip between teeth and pondered my response. I didn't even get the chance, as Kenny had texted back before I had the chance.

Unknown: Fix it with Cole. The Club will owe you a favor. Within reason, of course.

Goddamnit, Omega had made an offer that the political animal in me couldn't resist. The thought of the head of the home chapter of Bullet Club owing me a favor? That was too tantalizing to resist, even if it meant potentially putting my soul on the line with Adam.

Me: You've got a deal Omega. Pleasure doing business.

I had pulled up a new message and punched in what I was told was Adam's number already by the time my phone had buzzed to tell me Omega had messaged back.

Me: Adam? It's (Y/N). Are you okay?

I quickly thumbed over to Omega's message before I psyched myself out by staring at the screen waiting for Adam's response.

Unknown: I knew I would like you. Don't be a stranger, kitten.

My face flushed red at what was surely a compliment from the notoriously enigmatic man. I was about to type in my reply to Kenny when my phone lit up and buzzed with text message after text message. Adam had replied and with a vengeance.

A. Cole: Where are you? I need to see you.

A. Cole: I'd never intentionally super kick you. You have to know that.

A. Cole: Please, where are you

A. Cole: I'm gonna kill Cody

Adam had never seemed like the type of man to blow up a woman's phone. The text notification at the top of my screen told me everything I needed to know.

Unknown: He's also drunk. Have fun kitten.

Goddamnit. I swiped back to Adam's message.

Me: Handsome, hurting Cody isn't going to change anything. Where are you at?

It wasn't more than 30 seconds before I got a reply back.

A. Cole: Bar downstairs. Can I see you?

I paused. I had a proven track history of not having any willpower when a sober Adam was around. Who knew what kind of havoc an inebriated one would cause. The cons almost outweighed the pros of inviting him up to my room, but that favor from Omega...

Cole didn't give me any more chances to think about the game plan.

A. Cole: Please sweetness

A. Cole: I feel horrible bout what happnd, I just want to know yore ok

Oh boy, he was really drunk. My traitorous fingers typed my room number before I got a chance to deliberate.

Me: 948

A. Cole: Thank you, I just need to kno your ok

I groaned and thumped my hands against the mattress. Why do I do this to myself? I looked like I a hobo in this oversized tshirt and with my wet hair tied into a messy bun. hopefully he'd be too drunk to comment on how tired I looked. Adam Cole was hell on a girl's quality of sleep.

It felt like it had only been seconds when I heard the rough knocks at my door. I gingerly got out of bed, when I realized how bare my legs were. Too late to go back now. It wasn't long before I had crossed the small hotel room to open the door.

"Ada-"

I couldn't even get the two syllables of his name out my mouth before the tall brunette man had crossed the threshold of my room and wrapped himself around me, his head in the crook of my neck, arms tight around my waist. The smell of his cologne was almost overpowered by the scent of bourbon.

"I'm so sorry, I'd never hurt you like that, thought I killed you for a couple minutes when you didn't get up," he slurred the words into my skin. "I was so scared."

I guess drunken words are indeed sober thoughts. I wrapped my arms around him as well, letting my hands rub his back as I hushed him.

"Its fine. Accidents happen all the time. If I wasn't able to take a super kick, I shouldn't be in this business."

He shook his head and pulled away just enough to look down at me. "No, it shouldn't have happened. I'm going to end Cody next time I see him." As he spoke his words, his grip on my waist grew tighter and tighter. The grip on my waist was tight, but Cole kept leaning his weight into me and I didn't know how much longer I could hold him.

"Come sit, and I'll grab you a glass of water."

His head had returned to my shoulder and he shook his head stubbornly, his facial hair rubbing against the bruises he had caused the night before. "No I like this."

Apparently alcohol made him more obstinate.

"Please handsome? You're kinda heavy."

He'd stumbled backwards, almost losing his footing, in surprise. I made sure to try to keep my hands on his arms to attempt to steady him. "Sorry..."

Fuck, he thought I was mad. His lips had curled downward into a frown and his brow was furrowed into a frown. Omega's texted words bounced around my brain to fix it.

"I'm not upset. I just don't think I can support your weight for a long period of time. If you come sit on the bed, I'll grab you some water, and we can talk."

He perked up, some light returning to his eyes. "Can I touch you? I promise I'll be good."

"Keep it clean, handsome, and there shouldn't be a problem." I guided him to the edge of the bed. "Just sit here for a second and I'll be right back."

I walked to the bathroom to grab a cup of water and when I had come back, Adam Cole was passed out in my bed, underneath the covers.

Of fucking course, because my life could never be simple. I wasn't cold hearted enough to push him out of my bed, he'd just had a match earlier and he was likely sore from bumps. That at least was my not selfish reason that I was telling myself. My id was practically crowing at the thought of Adam Cole laying next to me in bed, even if he was passed out.

I shook my head in resignation as I set the glass of water on the night stand nearest to Adam. Well, if you can't beat them, join them. I shut the lights off, and crawled into the queen sized bed with Adam. I didn't realize how tired I was until I had gotten underneath the sheets. I was asleep by the time I had ensured that there was a little space between our two bodies.

I'd woken up, four hours later, from a dreamless sleep overheated and feeling constricted by something. I'd tried to move away, but the something that had wrapped me up tightened its grip.

That something was apparently an octopus disguised as Adam Cole. Somewhere in the course of what was a nap, not actual sleep, we had begun spooning. Cole was behind me, his left arm wrapped underneath me and hand cupping a breast, the other banded over my hips entirely too close to my panty line. He'd thrown his right leg over both of mine and hooked me in tight. Which explained the hard cock pressing into the flesh of my ass and I felt the sudden, uncomfortable slick between my legs and my nipples tightened to pebbles at our positions.

I froze in my motions and my mind whirred against the incoming Adam Cole induced pink haze. I had to get myself out of this and I just didn't know how, as his body was wrapped rather tight around my own.

"I can practically hear you thinking, sweetness. Stop it and go back to sleep," the brunette man murmured into my neck, beard rubbing against the exposed skin of my neck and his right hand absentmindedly drawing figure eights on the skin above my panty line. The motions made me shudder and I gasped, "I can't when you're doing that."

The right hand froze in its motions.

"I'm not going to lie, I like the sound of that."

His right hand began the figure eight motions again, lazily tracing from my bellybutton towards my panty line. His left hand, not to be outdone, began alternating between caressing and squeezing my left breast. I whimpered and pressed my thighs together to get some sort of friction for the ache growing at the junction of my thighs.

"God you are so responsive," he mouthed into my neck, placing openmouthed kisses into the skin there. "Makes me wonder what kind of noises you'll make when I make you cum."

The hand on my breast pinched my nipple just hard enough to make me cry out and push my hips back into Adam's. He groaned at the sudden thrust of my hips back at him and I was quick to roll over and feverishly press my lips against his. I started to pull at his shirt and he moved away just enough to pull his shirt off and fling it off to an unknown part of the hotel room, before his lips returned enthusiastically to mine.

One of my hands secured themselves in his hair, which had broken loose from the bun that he'd tied it into and the other had settled onto a well defined pectoral. His hands had dipped into my panties to cup my ass. It was a particularly tight squeeze of my cheeks that made me hiss into our kiss and dig my nails into his scalp and chest.

Adam pressed my hips into his with his hands as he bucked, then stilled.

"This is your chance to back out if you don't want this to go any further," he choked out against gritted teeth. "Say the word and I'll leave, otherwise I'm going to fuck you into this mattress until the only word you're capable of is my name."

I shook my head, and leaned into to whisper against his lips, "I want yo-"

I didn't even get the words out before I had been pushed onto my back, his lips working aggressively against mine, his hands sliding my panties down my legs. I assisted by kicking the boy shorts to the floor his left hand hooked my left leg up and his right hand went to the pink slick between my thighs. The first touch made the two of us groan.

"Fuck you're so wet..."

Two fingers dipped inside of me, making hooking motions until he found the spot. I mewled at the first press of his fingers, and he grinned wolfishly, before setting to work with his hand, his mouth back on mine.

I could barely participate in the kiss, because his fingers were fucking magic. His thumb provided just enough pressure as it swiped over the bundle of nerves just above the slick opening of my pussy and the two thick fingers inside of me weren't thrusting, but pressing consistently in some rhythm only known to him against that one spot that made me shudder. The tension in my lower abdomen was growing at an exponential rate.

It took just a couple more moments of his efforts before I was shuddering and gasping my release, the walls of my pussy grasping at his fingers greedily.

Adam continued his ministrations with his fingers until I was keening and thrashing, but had pulled back to stare at me in wonder.

"Holy shit sweetness, already?"

My hands shot to his wrist to try to push him away, "T-too sensitive."

He nodded and pushed back to discard of his sweats. "I'll take my time with you later, but right now I need to be inside of you."

The revealing of his cock was almost enough to make my eyes bug out of my head. It curved to almost touch his belly button and holy fucking shit he was thick. It was enough to make me gulp and wonder if it was too late to call this off.

"Are you on the pill? I'm clean, tested two weeks ago and haven't been with anyone since the test."

I shook my head, still weary of his size, "Implant. The pill sucks on the road."

He didn't see my trepidation, and moved himself between my spread thighs. He rubbed the head of his cock over my pussy, stopping to pay extra attention to my clit and then he thrust into me, hips meeting hips.

I yelped and hit his chest with my hands. The intrusion was too large and sudden to be pleasurable, with the tip of his cock touching my cervix and my walls burning with pain at the stretch. He stilled and was shaking from the effort to not move.

"Holy fuck I'm sorry. I thought you would have loosened up after you came... Shit shit shit," He mumbled his apologies into my breasts, his breath torture against the stiffened peaks. The shock and pain caused by his cock decreased after a couple moments, which left the uncomfortable sensation of being skewered by a flag pole and of being too full.

I pushed my hips up against his, breath catching in my throat at the sparks of pleasure the simple movement had caused, my walls fluttering around his cock. Adam whined at the sensation and began shallowly thrusting. Stilled, it was almost painful to have him inside of me, but moving? The heavy drag of his cock caught every little sensitive hidden area inside of me and I was panting at the sensations.

It wasn't long before I was rocking against those shallow thrusts, but it just wasn't enough. Adam's arms were braced on either side of his body, his head resting against my breast looking downwards at where we were joined. It wasn't enough, it wasn't what I knew it could be. I took the initiative and grabbed a fistful of hair and tugged at his head to look at me. He groaned at the sensation of his hair being pulled, but lifted his gaze to meet mine.

The pupils of his too blue eyes were blown out completely, barely a sliver of iris left visible and the look of him trying to restrain myself was enough to make me bite my lip and bear down on his cock.

"You're gonna fuck me into this mattress Adam. I'm not gonna break."

His mouth dropped in relief.

" Oh thank fucking god."

He pulled almost all the way out and snapped his hips back to meet mine. I keened and he did the motion over and over again, leaving me to just grasp onto his shoulders and wrap my legs around his hips for grounding. The slight change in angle had left me breathless and allowed Adam to slide even deeper than he had already been.

It was when the headboard of the bed began to thump against the walls that he began to talk, and fuck was he filthy.

"Fuckin' thought bout this for years. How you would feel..."

I was mewling and writhing at every snap and roll of his hips.

"So fuckin' tight and good and hot, like you were made for me."

The tension was building again and I was helpless, the ability to speak anything more than a broken sob of his name and asking for more having left me long ago.

"Y'look so beautiful under me and I'm never gonna get enough of this," he growled, his pace picking up even more, the slap of his hips against mine setting a brutal tempo.

I was so close, so so so close.

"You're mine now, (Y/N). Tell me you're mine."

My head was thrashing, the words unable to leave my mouth.

Adam bared his teeth, balanced his weight on one arm, and let a hand reach down to rub the bundle of nerves just above where we were joined, never breaking tempo.

"Fuckin' say that you're mine, (Y/N)."

The tension broke, and I keened to the universe, "Yours!"

Little black spots littered my vision as my body shuddered uncontrollably in pleasure. The spasms of my walls around his cock brought him roaring to his own climax.

His body fell against mine, his cock softening inside of me, and he murmured victoriously,

"You're all mine now, and I'm not letting you go."

#adam cole imagine #adam cole fic #adam cole smut #repost from the old blog

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