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giantkillerjack · 1 year

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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

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hinamie · 2 months

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domain expansion

#my art #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #yuji itadori #itadori yuuji #fanart #jjk fanart #jjk spoilers #jjk manga spoilers #jjk leaks #jjk 264 #yuuji #help she entered a fugue state and finished a painting in 7 hours again #I still wish with all my heart that wed gotten megumi but HOLDS UP YUUJI THATS MY BOYYYYYYY #god his face is Messed Up i feel so bad #but i do think this is how ill go about drawing the injuries from now on :'>#just a Mess of flesh tones on that boy :((((( maybe shoko can kiss it better #anyway towards the end of drawing this my llsif pilled brain supplied 'domain expansion: happy party train' and i think its a keeper #yuuji if u havent picked a name yet pls consider thank u <3 #a train station tho......as much of a vibe as it is i SUFFERED #the high ceilings full of pipework...the parallel lines....thank god i make the rules and dont actually have to detail it all #i love u vague lines that convey Essence Of Room #i think it works !!! i feel like im waiting fr a train n watching time slow around me as the lights stretch #btw the rake brush is SO good fr making lil bits of stretched light like u r squinting . i love it i have fun #anyway enjoy !!! him!!!! we r truly in yuuji kaisen i never Once doubted my boy

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endermagpieart · 8 months

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What do you mean I’m a bit late for Janus’ big day? Of course not, how could you say such a thing! I definitely didn’t forget all about it in my absence and only get reminded in the incorrect quotes video live chat; that’s not like me at all ;]

Anyways I decided to dress our sassy snake in some different outfits I think he’d like. He seems like the type to get all dolled up on his birthday and it goes with Thomas posting pics in outfits inspired by the sides on their appreciation days!

@thatsthat24

#sanders sides #janus sanders #ts janus #thomas sanders #sanders sides fanart #my hoard #I’ve returned!#the newest asides came out and I remembered how much I love it #so I’m hyperfixated again and I’ve not now peace since #it is nice to actually finish something again tho #I’ve been pretty busy working lately and now I’m starting to pack to move into my first apartment!#so not much time to really sit down and draw #and when I do have time I can’t get the motivation to actually draw anything #I want to get better about posting stuff on here #(even though it feels like I’m just dreaming into the void a lot)#even just silly little things or rough sketches I’ll never finish #I hope it’ll help me continue to draw and make things again #I forgot how nice it is #anyways if you’ve read this far thanks #have a cookie :] 🍪

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chiricat · 6 months

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ryomina demons are winning

#does anyone here like them idk. theyre funny #putting off finishing p3re to draw these so i don't have to be sad just yet #cat’s art #ryomina #ryoji mochizuki #makoto yuki #minato arisato #p3 #persona 3 #p3re #p3 reload #sorry for traditional sketch stuff... idk i just feel like i do better on paper even tho its literally the same style #like i can just get the lines better on paper. i think my brush is probably too thick digitally if i'm having this problem lol #makoto makes me so emo u guys have no idea. i didn't quite get this guy in the beginning but now...#full force understanding of a character. hes. he :( (incoherent sobbing)#tag ramble again SORRY I UEBRO4Y39NRMFMT #oh yeah the period thing going around is so funny. PERSONA 3 PERIOD SIMULATOR

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yennao · 7 months

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(Adult Danny Design by @nicktoonsunite because he’s neat and I Love him)

So anyway if I’m not drawing blood or teeth assume I’m dead

#dp #danny phantom #danny fenton #danny #a wonderful little lad #I sure do enjoy his misery #I feel better about it when he’s not 14 tho #my 9 yo crush is long past #but this adult Danny? boy he my age now that’s fair game ok #I kid #or do I #Me when black and white hair but at the same time #and miserable #if they’re not miserable I don’t want em #I’ll adopt them and Make them miserable though #anyway #nicktoons unite #nicktoons

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skellagirl · 5 months

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Back in winter 2022 I started working on a comic of one of my favorite nsfw oneshots, Practical Demonstration, made like five pages, and then promptly dropped it cause I was still in the midst of Art Block From Hell, among other reasons

but the fic series recently got an update and I read it on a flight last week, which has renewed the brainworms :)

The comic's FAR from finished (I've thumbnailed the entire thing and it comes out to twenty-eight pages, while I have thirteen of those pages in varying stages of completion) but I've been having a lot of fun working on it and forcing myself to try and learn new things (backgrounds/environments, in this case) in the pursuit of Harvey Smut LOL

I thought I'd post some WIP shit here, in case ADHD gets my ass and I end up dropping it again 😭 pray for me

#stardew valley #sdv harvey #stardew harvey #stardew farmer #my art #description in alt text #my favorite panel so far is shojo harvey lol :)#I started this so long ago now that my style has noticeably changed hdhrhhrh #I might end up going back and redrawing some aspects of the earlier pages #tbh I've also been doing this to get better at comics bc I want!! to make my original one!!! AT SOME POINT!!!!!!#legit tho this has been some of the most fun I've had drawing in soooo long #even despite me feeling like I'm juggling ten bars of slippery soap every time I draw backgrounds lmao #it's still been fun #now I just have to figure out where the fuck I can post this if/when I finish it since it's. yknow. uh #but that's a problem for Future Me

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luck-of-the-drawings · 7 months

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THIS THING IS SCUUUFFED AS HELL & ITS ALSO THE BEST THING I HAVE ANIMATED THUS FAR. IM SO IN LOVE WITH EMIZEL. JUST WISH I GAVE HIM MORE STUPID TATTOOS. NEXT TIME THO. NEXT TIME. I ALSO LOVE VEX&VIV SOOOO MUCH. charlies flavor of Deranged is my FAVORITE!!

#cw gore #jrwi fanart #jrwi show #jrwi suckening #jrwi suckening spoilers #ACTULY FINISHED THIS A WHILE AGO. kept going back n forth between trying to work on it more or call it done #in the end i chose DONE!! i worked on this for a full day n a half. NO idea what possesed me but it is NOT happenin again anytime soon #i shall do better NEXT TIME!! in the meantime tho OH MY GOOOOOD WHO WANTS TO SCREAM ABT THE SUCKENING WITH ME #THE FUCKINNN THE FUCKIN THING WITH VEX N VIV BEING THE SHADOW LEADERS OF THE FANGS/DEMONS #OH MMYY GOOOODDD THATS THEIR LIL MEAT GENERATOR... THTS SO FUCKED UP AND COOL UUUGHHH I LOVE THEM...#THEIR FLAVORE IS SO WONDERFUL. I LOOOVE HOW SILLY THEY ARE. MAKING PUNS WHILE PULLIN A SCREAMING VICTIM APART #vex n his lil fashiony art workshop and viv n her sterile n clean doctors office #i bet she doesnt even HAVE a medical liscense. it would be funny if vex did tho. could u imagine #they main MEDIC in tf2 together. viv is the battlemedic while vex only pocket medics for her. COULD U IMAGINE #guh i could go on abt these two forever n ever n ever i LOVE THEMM i gotta draw em more....#OH ALSO before i run outa room. i should say. i took inspiration from a tf2 animation called POOTIS ENGAGED #the animator. Ceno0. uses black bars in the action sequences in SUCH A COOL WAYYY everytime i watch that video i feel inspired #oneday ill make more complex fight scenes... one day....#in the meantime UGHHH I LOVE THE SUCKENING SO MUUUCH CAN I JUST FUCKIN SAAAYY THAT I THINK EMIZEL IS A SMART COOKIE!!#THESE PPL FUCKING FEAR HIM NOW!!! 'SHAMIA SHAMI' IS NOW THEIR MORTAL ENEMY!! POWERFUL ILLUSIONIST. CANT DIE.#THAT PART AT THE END THERE WHERE HE FUCKIN. KILLS HIMSELF INFRONTA THEM. THATS SO AWESOME. THATS SO METAL. AND THEN HE COMES BACK!!#I WATCHED EP 7 ASWELL BUT I WONT SPOIL IT HERE. BUT OMYGOD. EMIZEL IS SO COOL AND CAPABLE N SMART N FUNNY N UGHHHHHH I LOVE HIMMMMM #OKAY THATS MY RAMBLE FOR THE DAY THANKYOU FOR READING. I READ ALL TAGS SO YOU SHOULD RAMBLE TOO. IF YOU WANT. IF YOU CAN.

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josukespimphand · 1 year

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the new season is so close, im about to throw up

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk #gojo satoru #geto suguru #getou suguru #my art #cleaned up the sketches a little more last night but ToT #actually posting art more than once a month is crazy to me now it feels weird #i will do better with that tho but yeah #bday tomorrow i just wanted to draw my dudes since ive been in a jjk kinda mood #think ill continue to draw the infinity symbol and scars as buttons on their school uniforms whenever i draw them as students #ive always loved how araki would draw emblems that represented his character's somewhere on either their bodies or clothing like how he'd #usually draw hearts and peace signs on josuke's school uniform ToT... cute

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uglyfruit · 11 months

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inktober 26-31 😮‍💨

#next yr i will be doing this in may or something. when i do not also have midterms #my art #proud tho! i feel like it gets better every year #also got a new copy of photoshop that can export gifs now :)

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sysig · 4 months

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You're still standing off to the side. Somehow, center stage has shifted from under your feet without you realizing, and you're standing in the wings, performing to no one.

Starring Role (Patreon)

#My art #ISaT #ISaT Spoilers #Siffrin #Loop #Technically - you know how it goes #Me when I relate to Siffrin: Oh no haha that's probably not great whoops haha #Me when I relate to Loop: Oh. Oh No.#Lenti has such a deathgrip on my ISaT opinions wtf how is she so powerful I thought my fave was Sif?? But I mean well-#Lol #Does this count as vent idk lol #It was fun to write tho :) Very easy! Done all at once!#As was drawing this! Also done all at once! And black and white is still really fun to work with hehe #I got to use some pretty cool outline/lineart tricks for this one yay :D #The original draft of the fic had a different title but ''Starring Role'' is kinda?? too perfect???#To the point where I looked around and I was like #Kinda shocked that there doesn't Seem? to be another fic with the same title?#Which is.........oddly relevantly thematic to this fic actually hahaha #Not to get too exacting about it but the whole thing of Loop feeling replaceable well #It would imply that other someones could do what they do better than them #What an odd refutation. Huh. Weird #Anyway - behind the scenes fun fact!#I actually really love the song Starring Role but I didn't think of it until after writing this #And now that I sing it to myself it's actually kinda perfect what the heck #So that's something to think about as well #Anyway if you're going to listen to it pls listen to the Axiom remix it is The version in my heart <3 #The glitches and stutters are perfect.....#And the clock ticking?? Why is this song so ISaT I'm gonna think about this for a while now heck #Animatic in my head shower thought -core lol

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choccy-milky · 7 months

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Your art and blog sparks joy in me! Keep it up! (At your own pace where you are comfortable)

aw thank you!! i will!!😭💖💖 i wont be posting any new art till valentines day but in the meantime i give u all this wip that im drawing for my fics 1 yr anniversary on the 18th, bc soft seb makes me 🥺💘🥺🥺🥺