#...i may need to go to the park tomorrow or something my gods

[automatic-external-defibrillator]

currently in Hyperfixation Limbo (not wanting to do anything unless it relates to the current hyperfixation but not actually wanting to do anything pertaining to the source material)

[all4yoi]

only you

𝑒nhypen x fem!reader ⚹ cw. part 2 of just a game , hyung line , 2nd pov , ︎ fluff / comfort , lowercase intended , crying , cliche fluff omfg , karina mentioned on heeseung's & wonyoung on sunghoon's , not proofread ! part one here !

after catching them holding hands with another female, you walk away from them and they run after you, assuring you it was all a misunderstanding.

★ LEE HEESEUNG (0.5k words)

the day was coming to an end and heeseung has yet to find you.

after he had politely rejected karina, he ran after you but to no avail. all of his attempts on trying to reach you was a bootless errand. everytime he had seen a glimpse of you - whether in the cafeteria, library, the hallways, and god even in your shared class - you somehow always found a way to avoid him.

he could've simply gave up and moved on, he could've ran back to karina and date her instead. but he didn't want to give up and move on, he didn't want to run back to karina and date her, because what he wanted- needed, was you.

heeseung didn't want to go home yet, he needed to see you and explain everything. he'd be a fool to let you out his reach especially now that he knows you feel the same for him. he wasn't going to lose you because of a stupid mistake he made.

spotting a familiar figure sitting underneath a tree in the university's garden, he silently walked towards them, his fingers crossed hoping that he's finally found you.

and as if the universe was on his side, he saw you gorgeously flipping through a book with your pink earphones on. heeseung silently sat beside you, hoping you won't run away from him again. he saw how you stiffened and how your fingers stopped playing with the book's pages, and he wanted nothing but to hold your hand. it was your hand he wanted to hold- no one else's. you may not be with him yet, but ever since he realized he liked you, he was already yours before you even knew.

"y/n," he started softly, gently removing one earbud from your ear so you could hear him. you let him and look at him with hesitance, scared that he's here to tell you that he's changed his mind and he likes karina now instead.

heeseung smiled softly at you, "please let me talk and explain everything, okay?" you nodded, feeling your throat clogging up. "karina, you know she's one of my good friends, right? when you saw me holding her hand a while ago, she was the one who took my hand. i was so taken aback by her confession that i completely froze-..

because she's like a sister to me and you're the one i want. you're the one i need.. the one i like." he paused, brows furrowed in worry, hoping you'd understand. "i'm sorry for letting her hold my hand, and i'm sorry for hurting you. i really really like you y/n, please let me redeem myself to you." he finished, a small hesitant smile in his face as he studied yours.

feeling overwhelmed, you burst into tears. heeseung panicked, thinking he said something wrong and brought you to his chest, wrapping his arms around you.

"i thought you'd choose her over me." you cried in his chest, your own arms wrapping around his waist. heeseung didn't know why, but even when you were crying in his chest with your arms wrapped around his waist, he was feeling over the moon.

shaking his head, he pulled you closer if it was even possible and mumbled in your hair, "i'll choose you in a room full of other girls baby. only you."

other members utc!

★  PARK JONGSEONG (0.5k words)

3 hours was enough space right? jay liked to think it was, he was too impatient and just wanted to run to you and explain everything, but he knew you probably didn't want to see him after what you've witnessed.

jay had tried to put himself in your shoe, imagining seeing you holding hands with another boy after confessing to you- by the thought of it alone already made him feel ten times more worse, he hated himself with how much pain he had caused you.

so instead of waiting until tomorrow, jay took his bag and walked out of the cafeteria, ignoring his friends that were calling for him. he already knew where to find you, after all, he's always had his eyes on you ever since the first semester started.

jay muttered a quiet 'good afternoon' to the librarian before making a beeline towards the back of the library and there you were in your element. laptop open, headphones on with multiple books on the table you've occupied.

he liked to think that his type were girls that were a bit dumb so that he could lead the relationship, but when it comes to you? smart, pretty, and soft spoken? if his heart could speak, he's certain that the only word it can mutter is your name, and he's not ashamed to admit that.

the moment you looked up and made eye contact with him almost made his knees give up if it weren't for him holding on to a shelf to stabilize himself, and when you softly smiled at him despite what you saw that morning, it made him yearn for you more. he wouldn't ask for no one else.

call him cliché but you were the only one for him.

"what are you doing there? come sit." you motioned on the empty seat across from you to which he occupied immediately. "have you eaten?"

"have you?" he questioned back, eyeing the papers and books splattered on the table. "i had coffee." was your reply.

jay knew that you were still upset, it was showing in your body language. you were tense, stiff, and your fingers were shaking behind your laptop. he wanted to punch himself for making you feel this way.

"i'm sorry y/n, i really am." the hum you let out made him continue, his eyes studying your pretty face silently. "it's really not what it looked like-"

"everyone says that jay." the way you bit your lip told him that you didn't mean to cut his sentence off and be so harsh.

"yes, i know, it's stupid but i'm telling the truth. she bumped into me and fell, i couldn't just leave her on the floor because everyone saw our collision so i offered her a hand. that was it, i was about to walk away but she introduced herself and insisted on shaking hands.. then you saw me.

i know it looked so wrong from your perspective without context, and i'm sorry for upsetting you. i really had no other intentions, i was telling you the truth when i told you that night that i like you too, so much." he reached out for your hand, sighing in relief when you didn't pull away.

you nodded your head in understanding, squeezing his hand to tell him you now understand. "i'm sorry for jumping into conclusions and not hearing you out the first time."

he shook his head, squeezing your hand back. "it's okay, i understand. we're good now?" chuckling at him, you nodded and smiled at him. "we are, thank you."

★ SIM JAEYUN (0.4k words)

the tears in your eyes as you walked away from him made his heart crack. should he run after you? will you find him annoying? do you want him to run after you or do you want nothing to do with him now?

after arguing with himself on his head, he ran after you and engulfed you in a hug before you could turn around the corner and disappear from his sight. "please let me explain." his own voice cracked, and the weird looks you both received from the other students did not faze him at all.

"jake, not here please. they're looking at us.." he hastily took your hand and led you into an empty classroom, wanting nothing more than to assure you that what you thought is wrong and all he wanted was only you.

after he had made sure the door was locked and no one else was hiding somewhere, he immediately took your hands in his rubbing the back of your palm with his thumb.

you didn't know what to feel, was this how he held that girl's hand too? did he hold hers with gentleness too? with that in thought, your tears were back.

"no no, please don't cry. it was all a misunderstanding i promise." he held your face and wiped away the tears, his eyes held worry but so much love as well.

"she mistook me as her boyfriend, it didn't even last for 10 seconds because the moment she held my hand we both pulled away from each other.. it was just wrong timing that you saw it and we made eye contact, please believe me." he was practically crying with you right now, his own tears cascading down the apple of his cheeks.

you frantically nodded your head - now you were the one panicking at the sight of his tears. "i do, thank you for explaining. please don't cry." his tears were wiped with your thumbs as you hugged him tight.

"i don't want you to ever think i'm lying to you, you're really all i need." he explained further through his sobs, his arms tightening around you more.

there you two were, hugging each other in an empty room, tears falling down from both of your eyes as you comforted each other. and at that moment, no one else mattered - it was just the both of you in the world.

★ PARK SUNGHOON (0.6k words)

to say that sunghoon felt like shit the whole day yesterday and this morning was an understatement. he had desperately contacted you in all your social media accounts - fucking christ he even contacted you through your school's email, but to no avail, he was always left ignored.

he didn't blame you though, if he was to experience and see what you did yesterday, he would act the same - maybe even worse. sunghoon wanted nothing more but to make it up to you, to explain that he was only doing wonyoung a favor to make her crush jealous. i guess you could blame him for agreeing, but did he really have a choice when she just randomly grabbed him and told him to smile at every passing student? maybe.

he had texted wonyoung that same afternoon, telling her- demanding her politely? to explain everything to you, she told him she did but was only left on read by you. the girl apologized profusely to you and sunghoon, she didn't have any idea about the two of you and if she did - she wouldn't have done what she did.

but what's done is done, and now sunghoon is still trying to desperately reach you. throughout the day, he would hear your name coming out of other people's mouth, but not once did he catch a single glimpse of you. sunghoon was running out of options, he didn't want to be that type of guy to show up infront of your door step in fear of crossing boundaries, but he was seriously considering doing it today.

sunghoon mentally chanted your name in his head as if that would help and summon you, and you know what? maybe it did work because now he was seeing you standing across from him, your back facing towards him as you looked at the bulletin board.

not wasting any time, he raced towards you and gently grabbed your forearm, successfully turning your attention from the bulletin board to the taller boy behind you. sunghoon wanted the ground to swallow him whole when he saw how your face dropped at the sight of him.

"let's talk, please?" he whispered that only you could hear, glancing around the corridor before looking back at you. the small hesitant nod was everything he needed before he lead you in an empty hall as everyone was in the cafeteria.

sunghoon took his chance and took you in, loving the way you've dressed yourself today and he wanted to just keep you in his arms all day, but he reminded himself that he needed to clear things up and make you his girlfriend obviously before he could even do that.

"wony already explained everything, i'm sorry for assuming the wrong thing.." sunghoon was taken aback by your sudden apology, and the tightness in his chest grew.

he took your face in his hand, gently bringing your chin up so he could look you in the eye. "i should be the one apologizing.. i'm sorry for making you feel that way, i didn't have any other intentions towards her and i only like you.. so much to the point that it hurts. i'll do anything to prove it to you."

he couldn't understand that someone so precious as you could grow such feelings for him, he couldn't process and believe that he's important to someone he finds important too. should he be punished by the gods above because he finds your teary eyes enchanting? he could see his reflection in your eyes and the love it carries, and somehow he finally understands. sunghoon feels warm as he brought you to his chest, tucking your head in the crook of his neck.

"i'll show you, i'll give you my everything and my forever. you're it for me."

[inkmemes]

never stop blowing up  (  2024-  )  e01 : be kind, rewind sentence  starters ↪  taken  from  dimension 20's 22nd season.  alter  as  you  see  fit  ♡

“oh wait, i have to come up with the name right now!”

“this was the thing i forgot to do!”

“oh shit! wait, actually, that's… wait, actually?”

“ooh, look at my lovely cardigan!”

“i did think you were going to say tits.”

“that actually does really help me remember.”

“it's for parties. it's for chill kickbacks.”

“i think that's incredible.”

“it's a giant wrench.”

“without siblings, we're nothing.”

“you're gonna get me in trouble with my boss again. you can't do donuts in the parking lot.”

“it scares away the customers.”

“you're not gonna stay for the whole shift, are you?”

“i don't know what you're gonna eat, but that's not gonna be good when it's cold.”

“hey, you better make a move fast, man.”

“things are scary down there.”

“you do what you want, but at the end of the day, you're wasting your time at a place like this.”

“this is a dead end.”

“you need to take your life seriously, man.”

“i watch anime.”

“webster's is trash.”

“these kids, sweeties, they're not going anywhere. they're not going anywhere, believe me.”

“sorry, i was going to invite you to go out for a drink.”

“what are you gonna do in the big world?”

“i take it back. i take it back.”

“you're gonna bury us all.”

“i'll get the information somehow. you can trust me!”

“do me a favor. step behind this door.”

“what's behind the door?”

“he got squished to death.”

“who are you calling?”

“that's okay, i'll just pick them up from here when i come.”

“that's nice. i do like that.”

“oh my god, i keep calling people about that phone. it doesn't work.”

“what if i have to call i have to scream for them or something. good thing i have life alerts everywhere.”

“say hi to everybody! everybody you see, say hi.”

“you're drawing a spreadsheet by hand?”

“you may not be able to push buttons on that keyboard, but you push my buttons every day.”

“[name], you're my rock, and i am counting on you.”

“what do you need? i'll be right there.”

“can you do me a favor, sweetheart?”

“that's incredible, man. i'm so happy for you.”

“i always wondered what we might have done together, but then again, as you always say, you work alone.”

“i think you'd only slow me down, [name].”

“do you need a ride, or are you just gonna get there yourself?”

“what've you got going on here?”

“i can't believe you guys are closing down. what the hell? that's crazy, i can't believe it. why are you guys shutting down?”

“i just love the vibe.”

“i don't think there's any long-term ramifications of having no sort of collective ownership of actual, real, concrete media.”

“sorry, i just popped a really big mint in.”

“thank god, man. thank god you're here.”

“he looks like anybody, and he looks like everybody.”

“i'll give you one second to change your mind and not embarrass yourself.”

“i'd hate to have lunch with you.”

“dude's kinda weird.”

“what's going on with you?”

“what've you been doing on facebook all day?”

“why don't you let go, [name]? i let go, and i'm feeling amazing, all right?”

“what'd you ask? you want to rip my carpet?”

“i can't believe what that fucker was saying.”

“i could pick them up tomorrow for you.”

“god, it's hot in here. do you want a fan or something?”

“i've never tried that.”

“what the hell? are you okay?”

“you callin' me a chicken, [name]? ’cause i'm actually the cock of the walk.”

“god, that's fucking cool.”

“i think you're technically right once again, there.”

“i'm good, i'm good. living my best life. living my hottest sexy single life.”

“oh, you wrote it down, like old-fashioned style.”

“i left this post-it note in your lunch cubby.”

“we could get cataract surgery together, if you wanted.”

“this is eye-opening for me.”

“you just keep doing it. you just go and you do it again, and then you do it again.”

“you already said your name.”

“we're gonna kind of have a party of sorts.”

“a bottle of wine, then, is called for.”

“i think you can probably hang up.”

“he kind of sounded like a wizard or something.”

“oh my god, the tv's broken. everything's breaking.”

“you know what? i'll come with you.”

“is everything okay at home?”

“it was an accident. she didn't mean to.”

“you spent $400 on pants?”

“i hope i have arrived in time to join the festivities.”

“it was a joint effort.”

“did you eat those seeds yourself?”

“i never grow tired of it. i watch it again and again and again.”

“how do you know my name?”

“sorry, what was your question?”

“little bit of snow for your ski trip.”

“oh my god, i'm hideous!”

[liv-does-stuff]

“Happy Birtday Dumbass”

Hasan Piker X Reader

Warning:cussing but that’s it

A/n: I’m so sorry for whatever this bullshit is I’m high asf right now and I proof read this as best as I could.

————////———-////———-////———-

You and Hasan rarely fought. Yes you argued over trivial things sometimes, but you could count on your fingers the amount of times you actually had a bad fight and boy was this a bad fight. It all started Monday, you had spent the whole summer so far trying to help your best friend move down to North Carolina, God knows why, with you being away for the a few months you had seen Hasan only a few times through June and July , but you made sure you would be there for his birthday. Now you may be wondering where the fighting came in and here’s the answer. One night you had been on the phone with your boyfriend, trying to find a cheap flight, but they were all pricey.

“Y/n don’t worry if it’s that big of a deal I’ll just buy the ticket.” Hasan said tired of your complaining. You were quick to shoot that down by saying, “Oh absolutely not It’s supposed to be your birthday party and I would feel bad if you bought the ticket.” He sighed, “Y/n, could just stop complaining then, I’m trying to be nice, but you’ve literally just bitched this whole call.” Normally Hasan wouldn’t have said something like this to 𝘺𝘰𝘶, but today had stressed him out, his stream was glitching and Austin was late to the podcast and it threw everything off. He never meant to bring his anger out on you, but he had and you weren’t about to take that, “Excuse me”, you said taken aback by his change in tone, “I’m so sorry that I was trying to do something nice for your fuckin birthday and yea what if I started complaining? These Flights aren’t cheap and it’s frustrating !” He sighed into the phone, “Then don’t come”, he said lowly. “What are you even saying?” You said quietly. “If it’s such an inconvenience the don’t show up.” He stated. You hadn’t meant to say it, but you did, “Fine”, you hung up the phone with a sigh.

2 days had past and Hasan hadn’t reached out. Too be fair you hadn’t either, but even so you still planned on making it to his party, which is why you were up at 3 am trying to book a flight for tomorrow and finally you got a good deal. Hasan was having a dinner around 7 with his friends and your flight landed at 5:30 so you decided to make a call.

“Hey Austin I need your help.” You said after he picked up on the 4th ring.

“Y/n what the fuck I was asleep!?” He said groggily trying to make sense of why you were calling.

“So yea can you pick me up and take me with you tomorrow?” You asked after explaining everything that had happened.

“Of course y/n/n, but seriously if you wake me up like this one more time I’ll beat you ass.” You snorted as he said that. After a few more minutes of talking you said bye and hung up.

After your plane landed you went to look for Austin and once you made eye contact you ran up and hugged him. “Oh my god I missed you so much bitch!” You both laughed. He broke the hug and led you to the car. You were nervous to say the least, you didn’t know if Hasan would still be pissed or if he would be happy to see you. You really didn’t want to ruin his birthday for him. Austin seemed to notice your worrying because he looked at you and said, “Don’t worry y/n he misses you he just wants to give you space.” You nodded and soon the conversation drifted off into how Austin’s love life was going which made the drive go by quicker, and soon you were parked at Hasans house. God you missed this place. Austin ran up the door, knocked and shouted, “Hasan it’s Austin I brought you an amazing present.” The door began to open, “Austin why the fuck are you thirty minutes la- y/n?” Hasan locked eyes with you, you wanted to hug him and run your hands through his curls right there, but you resisted. Austin walked into the house and winked at you. Hasan shut the door and you immediately fell into him not caring if he was mad or not you just needed him, he wrapped his arms around you. “Y/n I thought you weren’t gonna come.” He sighed. You looked up at him, “Hasan I’m so sorr-“, he cut you off, “No I am you didn’t do anything I was just being a dick.” You laughed, “Yea you kinda were.” He smiled and you got on your tip toes to kiss him. You giggled into the kiss and he whispered, “I love you”

“Happy birthday dumbass.”

[redjademilktea]

I've had this draft sitting around for a few months, but Marisha saying Laudna wants a "simple cottage core lesbian life" with Imogen in the lasted 4 Sided Dive made me want to go back and polish this up a bit!! For context, my partner asked me to write something small and imodna related with the word "baking" as a prompt. Just a quick writing exercise as a break from dissertation work. So I came up with this!!

----

"Okay one egg or two?"

"Two. And remember to add them in with the rest of the wet ingredients, not with the dry."

"You're supposed to separate- shit."

Imogen looked at the mess of ingredients, cooking utensils, and mixing bowls sprawled out on the counter in front of her. She didn't think learning this particular recipe would be walk in the park, per se. But she certainly didn't expect... well this - standing here with Laudna in their little cottage kitchen with the remnants of three (soon to be four) attempts at making a passable cookie batter splattered across various surfaces. "Start me off with somethin' easy," she had said when agreeing to baking lessons earlier in the day, "you really liked those cookies that Lord Eshertoss would bake for us, right? We can start with those." She let out a sigh at the memory.

Laudna now stood behind Imogen, peering over her shoulder at her... creation.

"Oh, you might be able to- hmmm." Laudna said as she tested the batter's flavor with her pinky. Suddenly, her eyes went wide as *something* seemed to hit her. Imogen cringed slightly as she awaited the verdict.

"Imogen, darling, you did add two *teaspoons* of vanilla, not tablespoons, correct?"

"Is there a difference?"

"A bit of one, yes," Laudna said with a low chuckle.

"Sorry Laudna," Imogen sighed. She moved to rub her eyes before quickly realizing her damn hands - just like everything else in the kitchen, really - were coated in that sad excuse for a cookie batter. She frustratedly began Prestidigitationing them clean before pinching the bridge of her nose in an attempt to quell an oncoming headache. Before she could get too anxious about the prospect of starting over *one more fucking time*, she felt thin arms wrap around her from behind.

"Imogen, darling, it's alright," Laudna hummed, "I always felt Eshteross was too, well, *extravagant* with his recipe writing. It can make it hard to follow at times." Laudna gestured with one of her hands wildly to emphasize the point in a way that Imogen couldn't help but smile at. "Honestly, do we really need to know what he was eating for breakfast or what life lessons his mother taught him as a child right before telling us to brown the butter?"

"You criticizin' his recipe writing, Laudna?" Imogen asked, already feeling the tension behind her eyes melting away.

"Well, yes, but I don't think he's open to any feedback at the moment."

Imogen let out a small gasp before turning her head to meet Laudna's eyes. "Laudna!" Imogen gave her a stern look in an attempt at mock consternation, but quickly relented into a fond gaze as soon as she caught sight of the way Laudna was leaning her head onto Imogen's shoulder.

"Well all I'm saying is, I love a good set of flowery prose, but there's a time and place. And a recipe certainly isn't the place! Besides, I've always said you were *very* capable. If it's giving you trouble, the recipe is obviously worded poorly!"

Imogen laughed more fully this time. Gods, Laudna could make her feel better about anything, even if it meant defending her honor and recipe following abilities to a dead man. She took a deep breath, taking in the subtle, earthy smell of fallen leaves to help ground her. She opened her eyes to Laudna's warm grin before planting a soft kiss on her lips.

"Thanks baby. Alright, one more time from the top okay with you?"

"Of course darling, just remind me to pick up more eggs from the market tomorrow. We may need to... restock soon."

[maybankswife]

Falling for him part 1

JJ Maybank x Fem Kook Reader

slight Rafe Cameron x Fem Kook Reader

Summary-

You and Sarah have been best friends for years, but soon its all about to change.

Warnings-

Swearing, mentions of weed, unedited work

A/N:

Just letting you guys know,

F/L/Y/N stands for the First letter of your name, so when I was talking about the necklaces this is what I meant, I completely forgot to put the meaning of it when I posted earlier!!!

“Workers of the world unite!” JJ yelled out from across the party, his arm up in the air and his hand wrapped around his wrist.

You turned around, your long navy-blue dress flowed freely. Your hair was put up in a y2k styled half up half down, your body was laced with gold jewelry dangling on your flesh. You could see Kiara and Pope running out of midsummers, met with JJ and John B. You watched, and had no idea what was going, you made your way over to your best friend Sarah. You saw her, watching in awe as the Pogues departed from midsummers.

“What’s going on?” you asked her, she lifted an eyebrow at you. confusion painted on her face.

“I don’t know Y/N” she said, she sounding annoyed. You scoffed at her. You knew she had gone to the mainland with John B a few days ago, why was she lying to you about it?

“Stop lying Sarah, you went to Charleston with John B a few days ago” you had to yell over the loud music, and overlining conversations. She grabbed you by the wrist and started dragging you to a quieter spot, further away from the hustle of the party.

“Why does it matter?” she asked you, crossing her arms and leaning up against a pillar.

“It doesn’t” you shouted back, “I just want to know what’s going on” you sighed, you hadn’t spoken to Sarah the whole party, and she had been avoiding you and not answering your text messages.

“Do you promise to not get mad?” she questioned you again, you looked at her. Your eyes met hers, she looked anxious to say whatever it was that was about to fall out of her mouth. You nodded and waited for her response.

“I went to the mainland to help John B with something” she cleared her throat “and we may or may not have kissed” her arms dropped to her side, she looked relived that she was able to say that out loud.

“Wait what!?” You replied in shock with what you just heard.

“What about Topper?” you continued, she looked up at you giving you a gentle look.

“I’m going to break up with him, tomorrow” she explained, standing up straight and dusting her dress off.  

“Okay… So are you friends with the pogues now” you lifted an eyebrow, she rolled her eyes at you. Sarah, you, and Kiara used to be best friends, a trio, but she abandoned you guys for the group of boys.

“I don’t know, depends on how things go I guess” she shrugged, you waked towards her and wrapped you arm around the back of her neck and walked together back to the party.

1:47 AM

Your phone started buzzing on your bedside table, it woke you up. You rolled over and unplugged your phone from the charger.

Sarah Cam incoming phone call

You answered the call

“Hello?” Sarah said on the other line, she sounded distressed.

“What’s going on” you replied, sitting up in your bed.

“John B fell from the hawk’s nest, Topper shoved him” you could hear someone shouting in the background, it sounded like JJ.

“Oh my god Sarah what happened!” you pulled the covers off of you and stood up, pacing around the room.

“John B can you open your eyes?” Sarah pleaded with him, it was muffled.

“Pope hurry!”

wait, was that Kiara?

“Sarah what the hell is going on? Do you need help?” you called out, you heard her pick up the phone.

“I need to go Y/N” she hung up the phone. What the fuck just happened.

You ran over to your dresser and slipped on a light blue summer dress and your white converse. You snuck out of your house and grabbed the keys to your car. You got in and drove straight to the hawk’s nest.

You pulled up to the gravel parking space and saw the infamous twinkie. You switched off your car and got out. You walked over to the twinkie, it reeked of weed and sweat. Your nose twitched at the smell of it. But the twinkie being here meant they were still here too. You ran in the direction of the hawk’s nest, once you were close enough you could here the Pogues and Sarah arguing over what to do. You walked up behind them and pushed in front of JJ and Kiara to get to Sarah.

“What the fuck happened Sarah” she looked up at you, here eyes red and tear-stained cheeks. John B was unconscious on the grass next to her.

“Look who we have here, [Name] Palmer” JJ called out, a smirk drawn on his lips. You turned around giving him a petty smile.

“What are you doing here Y/N” Kiara questioned. You moved your focus from JJ to her.

“I could ask you the same question” you replied slyly, and turning back around to Sarah, she was placing small kisses on John Bs lips, gentle and tender. You could hear ambulance sirens getting closer and closer to the hawk’s nest.

Once the ambulance arrived, Sarah was the one that went with John B. As for you and the Pogues you made you way back to the carpark. “So, what’s a princess like yourself doing here” JJ teased, a smile on his face from ear to ear. You rolled your eyes at him, crossing your arms and standing up against your car door. The way the pet name rolled of his tongue like it was normal, was abnormal. You’ve only ever spoken to JJ at parties when he’s drunk and has tried to hit you up.  

“I got a call from my friend, I came to help her” you responded, JJ was getting closer to you, inch by inch he towered over you. he looked down at you, your knees felt weak under your body threatening to cave in at any moment.

“Hmm” he hummed, looking you up and down “you sure you’re not here to see me” he leaned in closer, you could smell the weed on him, his clothes reeked of it. You lifted your arm and pushed him back.

“Nope.” You answer back, his face was so cocky he knew what he was doing, and he was doing it well. You turned around and opened your car door.

“You know where to find me” he raised his arm and pointed a finger at you, winking. You scoffed and scooted into your seat, slamming the car door shut. Within a matter of seconds, you had driven off, only leaving a trail of lifted dust behind you.  

You arrived home just after 3:00 AM, exhausted. Going through your front door was difficult, especially because your dog Oakley’s bed was just up the hallway. You opted for the good old window entrance, you walked around the side of your house locating your bedroom window hidden amongst overgrown vines, various plants, and flowers. Slid it open, one foot in, followed by the other. Finally, home. You shut the window, leaning over the daybed that sits in front of your window. You walked over to the pajamas that you were wearing earlier, you had left them on the floor. You kicked off your Converse and glided out of your blue dress exposing your naked body. Pulling the satin shirt over and pulling the satin shorts up. You were ready to sleep, you retied your hair into a loose messy bun and jumped into bed.

It’s been a few days since the John B falling off of the hawk’s nest incident, you haven’t really spoken to Sarah since she’s been ghosting you for the past few days; not replying to your texts, ignoring your calls and she hasn’t been at her house every time you went to check. This is the last time you were going to message her, she better have a reasonable explanation as to why she has been ghosting you.

“Sarah wtf y have u been ghosting me?” sent.

You watched the message go through. So, she hasn’t blocked you…

‘Read’ popped up underneath your message. Great.

The typing bubble appeared.

“I’m so sorry Y/N/N John B thought it would be funny to keep me and Kiara on a boat in the middle of the marsh”

Oh. She’s been hanging out with them.

“what? You’ve been ghosting me 4 them” sent.

“come to the chateau right now”

Seriously? Your being dragged to the that shit hole, you turned your phone off and went up to your room. You searched your dresser for the perfect outfit, for some reason you felt like impressing them.

You fished out a white bikini, an orange cropped tank top with a cute graphic on it, short denim shorts and your navy-blue converse. You changed into it, hopping it would be up to “Pogue standards”. Or maybe just “JJs standards”… you put on your necklace stack, of 2 gold chains one with a sun charm that is incrusted with diamonds, and the second with a F/L/Y/N charm. You grabbed your Pura Vida bracelet stack and slid it onto your wrists, followed by your ring stacks for both hands. Lastly gold hoops to wrap everything up. A roll of your favourite coconut scented deodorant, a lot of spray of your favourite summery perfume, along with the body spray you use on top of it.

You rushed out of your room, running into the living room where your mum was,

“Hey mum, I’m heading out with Sarah” you had to lie, because the number of times your parents have complained about the pogues, specifically JJ, your mum would kill you if she knew where you were actually going. You tucked your hair behind your ear, waiting for a response. Your mum, who was sat on the couch looked up at you with a gentle smile and her glasses resting further down on her nose than what they should be.

“Sure, thing sweetie, be safe” your mum replied, she always said yes as long as you were with Sarah. You ran over to her, giving her a tight squeeze,

“Thank you!” you praised, letting go of her and speed walking into the hallway. On your entry table there was a decorative bowl that held your car keys in it, but instead of going by car you decided to take your bike. You walked out the front door and over to the garage where the bikes are stored. You opened the door and walked in, being wafted with the smell of petrol, paint, and rubber. You walked over to your bike, its white, and has a lil basket on the front of it. Perfect. You knew where the chateau is because of the few parties you’ve been to there, so you steered your bike out of the garage and got on and started pedalling.

You’ve been riding for 5 minutes, still 20 more minuets till you can get there. You reached into the basket and grabbed out your phone, shuffling your summer playlist and the song “Megaton Mile” by Local Natives started playing. You turned it up, almost full volume and chucked your phone back into the basket. The song was playing at midsummers the other night, you actually requested it because it is one of your favourite gems. You continued riding, letting your hair fly in the salty wind, small beads of sweat falling from your forehead because of the humidity, and breathing in the fresh air. Its been awhile since you’ve ridden your bike around the OBX and it feels just as euphoric, if not more than the last time you had.

You were getting close to the bridge that connects the Kook side of the Island to the Pogues. The song “Boys don’t Cry” by The Cure was playing. A large rev of an engine startled you, you looked behind you to see who it was, but your bike went off the pavement causing you to fall off.

“Fuck!” you cursed out, lying on the grass of someone’s lawn. You were on your side, leaning on your elbow, your hair has fallen over your face and over your shoulder. You rolled over, putting yourself in a sitting position with your legs stretched out. Pushing your hair back, you see a familiar car pull up next to you.

The window of the car rolls down, and a familiar face sticks his head out the window. It's Rafe, Sarah's brother. He has always had a thing for you, but you have never fallen for him, he’s just not your type plus he’s your best friend’s brother. His cocky laugh belched out,

“No way I just saw that” he called out from the car, he was looking dead at you, no sign of sympathy on his face.

“Seriously Rafe, fuck you” you spat back at him, pulling your elbow up and seeing a large gash on it, already pooling with blood. You looked down at your knees, they are also scuffed up, stinging like hell and bleeding too.

“Calm down, your fine” he teases back at you, getting out of his Range Rover. He walks over to you, and offers you, his hand. You look up at him through your lashes, he was still smiling, thinking this was funny. You were covered in mud now. You grabbed his hand, tightening your grip on his hand you pulled him down onto the grass with you. You stood up quickly and looked down at him now on the ground.

“What is wrong with you!” he shouted at you, tensing his jaw.

“Calm down, your fine” you respond, giggling at the look on his face. He scoffed at you and stayed on the floor. Probably to humbled to move. You walked over to your phone which had flew out of your basket when you fell off, luckily it had landed on the grass and not the concrete. You picked it up the song “Time to Pretend” by MGMT has just started playing. You lifted your bike up and put your phone back in the basket, and pedalled away, leaving Rafe behind.  

Finally, you had arrived at the Chateau. You rode your bike all the way up to the front porch, you got off and grabbed your phone. You walked up to the door, knocking on it. You could hear a muffle of voices conversating, and a few heavy footsteps made their way over to the door. Your heart beating faster every time they took a step closer. The wooden door swung open, John B standing in front of you,

“Hey” you sighed, wiping sweat off your forehead. He had a blue cast on his wrist and was alive so that’s a good thing.

“Uh... hey” he croaked out, standing sideways and gesturing for you to come in, “Uhm, come in” he continued.

“Thanks” you responded, walking past John B and into the house. The walls were covered in photos of John B and his dad, as well as a ton of baby photos of him and JJ. You looked around, floor to celling made out of wood, it was cozy. Sarah turned around the corner, a relieved look on her face when she saw you in the hallway.

“Oh my god I was so scared you weren’t coming!” She sped walked over to you, wrapping her arms around you. you groaned because your back was aching from flying off your bike earlier. You wrapped your arm around her, and just as you did, she let go of you. John B was standing behind you,

“Okay let’s go sit with everyone” he cleared his throat, putting his hand on your shoulder almost pushing you forward. Sarah grabbed onto your hand, leading you to the back porch where Kiara, Pope and JJ are sitting.

“So, first Sarah, now Y/N? seriously John B, you may as well invite Rafe over too” Kiara sneered out, looking at you up and down you gave her a bitchy smile. Sarah sat down on a couch, next to John B, the only other spot was next to JJ who was sharing a couch with Pope.

“JJ move over” you instructed, he looked up at you with an amused look. You rolled your eyes. He moved over slightly still leaving barely any room for you, but if you were becoming a ‘Pogue’ you may as well get used to it. You squeezed in next to JJ, in between him and the couches arm rest. There was plenty of room for him to move closer to pope, but nope he was refusing to budge any further.

“Okay now that Y/N is here, we need to catch her up on what’s been going on” Sarah said, looking over at John B for validation in what she just said.

“Uhm… yep, okay. So, Sarah helped me into the archives in Charleston, there we found a letter from Denmark Tanny, a slave, a local landowner, and a sole survivor of the Royal Merchant” your eyes widened, now you’re interested.

“He wrote a letter to his son, Robert in a lost Creole language, Gullah. I took this letter to my history teacher Mr Sunn, who translated the letter. Denmark Tanny saved the gold from the Royal Merchant and brought it ashore, using it to buy his freedom Tanny Hill plantation, in other words Sarahs home, and used it to buy the freedom of other slaves. He wrote the letter to his son on the day he was hung, in a secret language that only they know, telling him where to find the gold. Harvest the wheat, in Parcel 9, near the water. Wheat is code for ‘gold’. Then Sarah gave me an original survey map of Parcel 9 and Tanny Hill at the Hawks Nest, and I got pushed off by topper. Then we made Sarah and Kie stay on a boat together to figure out their differences, and now we are here.” John B finished off, it felt like he was talking forever.

Falling for him part 2

[myg-butterfly]

Good Morning (It's Now Tomorrow)

Part 1 - Goodnight (Love)

Jimin x Reader (Spy!Au) Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Two-Shot (Refer to Part 1 Above), Misunderstandings, Happy Endings.

Taglist: @fairypjiminie , @pjmsies

Summary: Your partnered mission with Park Jimin doesn't exactly go as planned, and you can't tell if it's for better or for worse. Your friend, Jungkook, is leaning towards the "worse" side, and consequently, you are too. How can Jimin fix this if he doesn't know what changed in the first place? Or: Jimin was doing fine, then he met you.

Warnings: ANGST !!! Miscommunication, jealousy, yearning, anxiety, insecurities, Yeonjun is kinda a shithead here (SORRY I WAS LISTENING TO DEVIL BY THE WINDOW AND I NEEDED AN ANTAGONIST), overprotective Jungkook, implied (???) NamJin, kisses !!!

main masterlist

A/N: Hi hello hey!!! Sorry this took forever, I had it all laid out but I've been running around like crazy everywhere and I hadn't had time to finish it. Here it is though! I hope this lives up to any expectations you may have had for the continuation of "Goodnight Love". The title (and the chapter overall) is inspired by Matt Maltese's album "Good Morning It's Now Tomorrow" and there's a reference from one of his songs in the summary jeje. Anyways, enjoy!!! Don't be a silent reader PLS 🙏

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A good night's sleep was highly unfamiliar to you. Which is why you considered that maybe you were still dreaming when you woke up this morning. Everything around you is comfortably warm: the sun softly hitting your face, the sheets soft on your skin, the arms wrapped securely around yo–

The arms wrapped securely around you?!

You tense a bit before all the memories of your previous day resurface.

"You're safe, okay?” Jimin's voice was soft, feeling the way his chest vibrates against your head that's now tucked under it only helped calm you further.

Everything around you felt warm and tender, lulling you into deep sleep.

The last thing your brain manages to process is a soft kiss on your forehead, and words that sound a lot like: "Goodnight, love."

Part of you knows that you should probably get up, that you shouldn't be letting yourself enjoy this, but opening your eyes and finding Jimin so closely – the thought of pulling away tugs at your chest.

You're not sure how long you spend silently memorizing the lines on his face before you feel him shift and turn.

This is your cue to hide, pretend to be asleep, or something, how embarrassing would it be if he caught you staring–

"Hi, Y/N. I know you're up."

Oh my god you're busted. You're gonna die of embarrassment, and the raspiness in Jimin's voice is not helping you whatsoever.

Knowing you can't hide from him any longer, you shyly peek out from his chest.

"How did you know I was awake?"

Jimin smiles at you before responding to your question.

"You tensed up for a while. And I can also feel you burning holes into my face with your stare."

Your feel your face burning from the embarrassment of being caught, and it gets impossibly hotter when Jimin pushes a strand of hair off your face.

He chuckles at your flustered state before pulling you back into him.

"You sleep well?"

You don't push him away when he tugs you even closer, instead you just nod your head yes at his question.

You truly did sleep well — probably the best sleep you've gotten in a really long time.

Waking up like this, it felt easy. Things have never been simple for you, but this, this feels simple, natural. Easy.

You like this side of Jimin. A lot.

Suddenly, you become aware of the sunlight filling up your room and remember that you're gonna have to get up and leave soon.

"Jimin?" You try to leave his embrace but he only pulls you into him again with a tired groan.

"We have to get up." You try and fail again.

"Just a few more minutes." Realizing that there's no fighting him on this, you decide to give in and get comfortable.

Neither you or Jimin want to acknowledge the feelings behind your want to stay like this as long as time allowed you to.

After a few moments, you reluctantly begin to untangle yourself from his embrace. The whine that leaves Jimin stops you in your tracks - why would he want to keep holding you?

You shake your head and refocus on the fact that you have to get up.

"Jimin, we really do have to get going now."

"But it's so comfy."

This guy was going to be the death of you.

"Come on, get up. I'll make breakfast and you pack."

A long sigh leaves his lips before he unwraps himself from you and sits up to stretch. The cold that greets you as Jimin's embrace leaves makes your heart fall uncomfortably, but its just because you want to keep sleeping. That's why. Mhm.

The rest of the morning goes smoothly, and you both try to ignore how warm your hearts feel at the domesticity of it all.

The car ride held the same softness, and it had you thinking that maybe it wasn't the hotel, or the mission, maybe this softness was growing between you and Jimin on its own, independent to circumstances.

Jimin hummed quietly as he drove, and you tapped along with your fingers.

Decidedly, you spoke up:

"Jimin?"

"Hm?"

"Can you do me a favor?"

"What can I do for you princess?"

"Can you um- maybe not tell anyone about what happened at the event? Y'know, with the guy?"

Jimin frowns at the implication that he would purposely go around sharing something so personal about you, but again, he understands that he's in no position to question you. It's not like he hasn't given you a reason to doubt him.

"Of course, don't worry about that."

"Thanks."

"I know we got off on the wrong foot but, I wouldn't do that to you."

You smile at him tenderly because you know, and he smiles back because he knows you know.

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Once you arrive back at your designated building, you report to Seokjin and Namjoon right away.

They go over the files and any other information you two gathered while there.

"Great work guys. See, I knew you 2 would make one hell of a duo."

Namjoon's smile is radiant as he talks to you, and it draws out one of your own.

You don't notice how Jimin stops to look at you, his lips curving upward and his eyes sparkling; this is the first time he's seen you this happy.

Jin and Namjoon do catch it though, and they share a knowing look - something more had happened on that weekend, and whatever it was, it brought you two together.

"All right well you guys can go back to work. Nothing too heavy, just reformat some codes we missed over the weekend. Take your lunch whenever you want, and if you want to go home early just stop by and let us know that you're leaving."

"Thank you."

"No need. You both have worked really hard, if we weren't behind I'd basically force you two to go back home and rest."

You leave the office feeling satisfied; being reassured that you did a good job made you feel much lighter about everything that had happened.

"Well, I guess we gotta get working."

Jimin strikes up conversation, and it's a little awkward, but he finds it all the more endearing.

"Yeah."

"Oh, Y/N. I was wondering if you wanted to have lunch together? Today? Like at 12? It's okay if you don't want to, I mean, I know we just spent like 3 days stuck together but-"

"12 sounds good. I'll meet you at your office?"

"Yeah. Okay, yeah! See you then."

So much for being smooth, Jimin.

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"Y/N! Hey!"

You turn around to see a happy Jungkook making his way towards you.

He was like your activation key for energy, having been friends for about a year now helped you grow comfortable around him, enough to show how you were feeling.

"Hi Jungkook!"

"What's got you in such a cheery mood?"

"How do you know that I'm in a cheery mood?"
You challenge him.

"You were practically skipping to your office. It's obvious you're giddy about something."

"Oh, I'm just glad the mission went well. It's good to be back."

Jungkook smiled at your cheery mood, but you could tell he wanted to say something – he's never been good at hiding his facial expressions.

"You look a bit constipated, Kook. What's up?"

"Oh, nothing, I'll tell you later."

Your narrow your eyes at him, he knows you hate when people do the whole 'we'll talk later' thing.

"Seokjin and Namjoon told me I could take it easy today, I have time. Now, spill."

He sighs before turning to walk to his office, "come on."

He closes the door behind you and takes a seat on the couch in the room, motioning for you to sit with him.

"So, your mission went well?"

"Yeah, it did. I mean, it was rough in the beginning but we made it work."

"You and Jimin, are you like ... friends now?"

The way Jungkook is staring at you makes you feel as though you're a kid again, about to he told off by your parents over something that had excited you.

"Yeah, I guess you could say that. He actually asked me to have lunch with him today. I think once you break through his shell he's actually a really sweet guy."

Jungkook swears he saw your eyes sparkle when you mentioned having lunch with Jimin, and that only made his frown grow.

"Y/N, I don't want to pop your balloons but, I'm pretty sure Jimin's been spreading shit about you and how the mission went."

You feel the air leave your lungs in one go as you process his words, Jimin's doing what?

"No offense Jungkook but, how do you know that? He wouldn't do that. He promised it stayed between us."

A sigh leaves his lips and you refuse to let yourself falter; Jimin wouldn't do that.

"Was there anyone else from our company with you guys?"

"No. Why?"

"There's word going around that you pussied out of the mission and Jimin had to save both of your asses last minute, basically saying he did all the work and you just sat and watched."

For the second time in the span of a few minutes, you felt like the oxygen was sucked out of your lungs.

"Well, those are just rumors, right? We don't know if it was him who said those things."

"People have been mentioning the files and Jimin having to get you from inside the building because you couldn't do it. Who else would have all of that information?"

Oh.

"Well that's not what happened. He can spread all the rumors he wants because we both know that they're not true. Namjoon and Seokjin do too."

Jungkook shoots you a concerned look - you're taking this too well and it's throwing him off.

"So you're okay? You don't want to report it or anything?"

"Nah I'm good, it's not worth entertaining."

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Jimin feels as though he might go insane waiting for you during his lunch break.

He'd gone from one extreme to the other trying to figure out why you haven't shown up.

Were you okay? Did something happen? Did you decide to blow him off? Maybe asking you to lunch was a mistake-

No. Jimin thinks. I am not going to assume the worst. I'll just call her.

He smiles to himself while thinking what a good idea that was.

When he calls you, he's not sure what hurts his ears more: the rapid beating of his heart, or the continuous ringing as you don't pick up the phone.

The line cuts off and his stomach sinks as he realizes that you hung up.

But Jimin knew better than to get ahead of himself, obviously.

So he decided that he'll just swing by your office.

On his way there, he can't help the jitters that shake through his body. He's trying to keep his brain from creating the worst case scenarios, but he's not sure he's succeeding.

The ring of the elevator shakes Jimin out of his thoughts and back onto the task at hand, but not before he runs into someone.

As he's about to apologize, but the man (who he now recognizes as Jungkook) is already walking away before he can even begin.

He knew you guys were friends and he hated that he knew that he probably knew where you were.

"Oh- Hi, sorry to bother, Jungkook right?"

Jungkook simply replies with a curt nod and moves to continue walking before Jimin interrupts him again.

"Um- do you happen to know if Y/N is in her office?"

He stops again in his tracks, but this time he sends a challenging look towards Jimin.

"Why do you ask?"

"Oh I just- we were supposed to meet up during our lunch break and she didn't show up. So I just wanted to check if she was okay."

"She's fine, you can go back to your own thing now."

"Oh is she busy? I can come back later the-"

Jungkook puts up a hand to stop Jimin's rambling, and for a second, stares him down.

"Look, I know you've been spreading rumors about Y/N and taking all the credit for your recent case, and she knows it too. So if you have any dignity left in you, I suggest you turn around and leave her alone and stop running your goddamn mouth. Do you hear me?"

Jimin feels his mouth go dry at the information that's just been laid out to him.

Someone was spreading rumors about you? And you thought it was him?

"I haven't spread anything though? I haven't even told anyone what went down except Namjoon and Seokjin and only because I'm required to. I don't know who told you that and who's been spreading shit but I would never do that to Y/N."

A bitter chuckle escapes Jungkook's lips, and if Jimin wasn't so caught up with the worry of you thinking he would do something like that, he'd probably cuss him out for it.

"You're more of an asshole than I thought. You can't even own up to your immature games."

"I just told you, I didn't do anyth-"

"I'm only gonna say it one more time. Turn your ass around and walk the fuck away before I do something rash."

Knowing that arguing with Jungkook won't get him anywhere, Jimin puts his hands in the air to signal his leave.

"Fine. But I know that I'm telling the truth. And Y/N will too."

Jimin spends a few moments (like 3 hours) debating back and forth whether he should text you or not.

Finally, he flips a coin.

The coin says yes.

———

Jimin: hey, can we talk?

Jimin: preferably in person, i need to clear some things up

✔️ Seen

———

Ouch.

It's at this point that Jimin knows he absolutely needs to find who spread those lies about you, and he needs to do it now.

Was there someone at the event that he didn't see but they saw them?

Did someone overhear the meeting you both had with your bosses?

But both of you were so careful with every little detail. How could have anything slipped?

Jimin paces around the room desperately trying to figure out what might've happened, when he remembers one thing he did amidst the panic:

Yeonjun. Jimin told him what was happening.

Oh shit.

But, would he do something like that? He doesn't seem like the type to stoop so low.

But it's a possibility, which means Jimin is at least one step closer to finding the root of the rumors.

———

Jimin: Yeonjun, hey

When you're not busy can we meet up

Yeonjun: yeah of course

I'll be done with work in about an hour

Jimin: cool cool

Meet me at the cafe across the street from the company building

Yeonjun: okay see you soon

✔️ Seen

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Jimin has downed two entire cups of coffee while waiting for Yeonjun.

The more he thinks about it, the more it makes sense that he's the one that said something. (It also makes him angrier, if he wasn't taking deep breaths he's sure he would've broken the mug in his grip by now).

Just as he's debating whether or not a 3rd cup would make things worse, the bell of the cafe rings and he looks up to see Yeonjun walking towards him.

"Hey Jimin! Good to see ya! How's it going?"

"Hi, good, look I have some questions and I need you to be completely honest."

Jimin knows it's rude to just brush over formalities but he's frankly too bothered to care.

"You know the case I just came back from? The one with Y/N?"

"With the old dude and the files?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah. Why?"

"Did you say anything? Even any little detail?"

Yeonjun pauses for a moment, as if trying to make memory before he continues.

"Hm, I don't think I really said anything except when I talked to Leah. You know the one with curly hair in my floor? The one who has a huge crush on you? Yeah, her."

Deep breaths Jimin. You can't fight someone younger than you, and on your team.

"What exactly did you tell her?"

"She asked me if I had heard from you about how the mission went, and I told her that you were back and that I was checking in from the main building. She asked me how it went and I told her that it went well for you, but not so much for Y/N."

"What do you mean 'not so much for Y/N'?"

"I gassed you up dude. Told her how Y/N was too scared to just talk to some old man and you had to step in and do all the work."

"You said what?"

"That Y/N was too sca-"

"I heard you the first time, dipshit. Why the hell would you say that?"

"Well that's what happened isn't it?"

"No! Y/N wasn't 'too scared' she was in fucking danger! I couldn't just leave her there."

"All she had to do was flirt with a guy long enough to get into his room, how is that dangerous?"

Jimin was seeing red at this point. He's sure that if it were possible, smoke would be blowing out of his ears and nose. He couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"You're fucking kidding me, right?"

"I thought you didn't like Y/N. What's the big deal?"

Jimin absolutely couldn't stomach the words coming out of Yeonjun's mouth. He couldn't.

"What's the big deal? You wanna know what the big deal is? I don't know what Leah understood from your little gossip session but word got out that Y/N 'can't do her job' and I had to do everything for her. People are spreading rumors and talking shit. And even worse, she thinks that I started it."

Both men stare at each other before Jimin's anger reignites, and he continues on:

"Y/N did more than enough, she was so fucking brave out there. That old man that she 'just had to flirt with' fucking assaulted her. God knows what else would've happened if I hadn't gone up there. You give her so much shit but I know damn well that you don't have even an ounce of the willpower she has."

The tension at Jimin's words was piercing; harsh and sudden, taking the breath out of Yeonjun's chest.

"I- I didn't know..."

"No, you didn't. But you still ran your mouth, and now she's hurt and there's gossip running around the office. And it's your job to clean the shit you made up."

Yeonjun can only swallow the knot in his throat and nod as he waits for his next words.

"You have to apologize to her and tell her what you did. Personally. And if not, I'll just tell Namjoon and Seokjin myself, and the consequences will follow accordingly. Up to you."

As he finished his speech he began to stand up, signaling that he had gotten the last word; but before he can leave, Yeonjun's voice stops him.

"I'll talk to her. I promise."

Jimin pauses and turns around for a brief second and says, "Good. Let this be a learning experience. I know it was one for me."

And with that he turns around to leave.

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You were still really hurt and upset, and knowing this, Jungkook invited you to stay over at his place, understanding that being alone in your state was a terrible idea.

Jungkook was soft and kind, a model of a good friend, and you were grateful, you really were.

But even as he made sure you were comfortable, asking what you needed and if you wanted anything, you couldn't help but wish it was Jimin taking care of you again, holding you to sleep so you can rest and let go of all your worries. Protecting you from the man in your nightmares and anyone who may try to harm you.

But he wasn't Jimin, Jimin doesn't like you, he made up shit just to make you look bad.

"Y/N? Hey, what's wrong?"

You didn't realize you'd started crying until you felt the couch dip next to you, your friend leaning towards you.

"I'm still so scared, Jungkook."

"Of what?"

"He was there. On the mission. He was there."

"Who was there?"

"Do you remember where I told you I was before I moved here?"

"In the house?"

"Yeah. He was there. From the house."

"Shit." This leaves Jungkook's mouth with a hiss.

"I'm going to kill him for making you go in there."

Quick to stop Jungkook's growing anger, you argue.

"I didn't tell him anything so it's not like he knew or did it on purpose."

You pause for a moment to recollect your thoughts before continuing.

"The reason why I'm upset about what happened with Jimin is because,,, for a moment I thought he cared."

Jungkook gives you the signal to keep talking with a nod of his head.

"When things started to get out of control, he went up to get me. He didn't even think about it."

"What do you mean?"

"He could've left me there by myself, or he could've just found a way to stop him and then not mention it but he took care of me. He was so kind and gentle. He washed my hair and he calmed me when I was panicking and he waited until I was asleep to sleep too, it felt like he genuinely cared."

This shocked Jungkook – there was practically no one that managed to calm you down when you were in panic, not even him. So hearing that Jimin, out of all people, was able to still your worries, had him rethinking the entirety of the circumstances.

After a beat of silence, you speak again. Maybe for yourself, Jungkook thinks, because your next words are uttered quietly;

"I feel so stupid for thinking he actually cared about me."

Jungkook, suddenly remembering the interaction he had with Jimin earlier that day, blurts out words without thinking.

"He was looking for you today. Jimin."

You turn to him with wide eyes, and he guesses that if he already started talking, he might as well finish.

"Near the end of lunch he was looking for you. I ran into him by the elevator. He asked me if I knew where you were."

Jimin asked for you?

"And what did you tell him?"

"That it was none of his business. He didn't let it go that easily though. Said he was worried about you because you didn't show up to lunch with him or something."

Jimin was worried? About you? He was waiting for you to show up to lunch?

"Anyway I told him off, it was pissing me off that he was acting so innocent."

"How did you tell him off?"

"Basically I told him that I knew he was spreading shit about you and that he should fuck off. He kept swearing that he didn't know anything and I gotta give it to him, he's one hell of an actor. Teared up and everything."

"But Jimin never tears up."

"I know. Which is why I'm saying; bro can act."

You sat on it for some moments before speaking again.

"Do you think its possible that maybe it wasn't him?"

Surprisingly, Jungkook actually thought about it before responding.

"Well I mean, who else could've done it?"

"I don't know"

Yeah, exactly. I know you wanna have faith in him but-"

"Its just weird to me."

"I know."

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚　˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

Jimin was losing any hope he had left that you'd be willing to talk to him. No matter how much he tried, he just couldn't get a hold on you.

You, on the other hand: wouldn't say you were avoiding Jimin, just more or less calculating your schedule to minimize any possible interactions.

No, you're clearly avoiding him.

You'd started showing up earlier to work so you could be safe in your office by the time Jimin usually got there, and you'd leave a little bit later than usual so you didn't have to run into him on your way out.

To make things even harder on him, Jungkook could basically be considered your bodyguard with how he was always trailing next to you.

It isn't until Jungkook noticeably leads you the other way when you're about to pass each other in the hallway that Jimin realizes that this is practically how it was before.

Before this mission, he had absolutely no significance in your life except that you thought he hated you. Maybe he was wrong to think that things would be different when you returned. And he doesn't know if it's for the best, but he's sure that it's not how he wants to go on.

Two more days pass by and based on the way you're still avoiding Jimin as best as you can, he figures that Yeonjun probably hasn't talked to you. He's not sure how much longer he can keep waiting on him to talk to you.

At this point, he might as well just tell Namjoon and Seokjin himself. He knows this should be one of those moments where Yeonjun matures and owns up to his mistakes, but he can't bare the broken look on your face any longer.

He's decided: he sends Yeonjun a quick text, "you took too long" and makes his way to the main office, barely knocking before throwing open the door.

"Namjoon, Seokjin. There's something I'd like to report."

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚　˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

"And please, don't be too hard on Yeonjun. He's not a bad kid, he's just a bit careless at times."

"We'll keep that in mind. Thank you, Jimin."

"If it's okay, I'd like to take my leave early today."

"Of course. Have a good weekend, Min. Fighting!" Seokjin giggles at his last remark, and Namjoon sends him another glare. (All 3 men in the room know that Namjoon secretly loves when Jin makes comments like that, but they'll keep that hidden for now.)

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚　˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

You were sitting in your apartment watching the droplets run down your window, tracing the lines they leave with your finger.

Thinking back to the conversation your bosses had pulled you aside for earlier today before you went home, you didn't know how to feel.

You didn't even know that Yeonjun was overseeing your task. Did Jimin keep that from you on purpose? Did he think it didn't matter if you knew or not because of his doubts of you? Was this planned?

But then you think back to the times you'd seen him in the office, what Jungkook said, how he'd acted before, maybe this was all a big misunderstanding.

Suddenly, a glimpse of the conversation you had with Jungkook resurfaced:

— "He kept swearing that he didn't know anything and I gotta give it to him, he's one hell of an actor. Teared up and everything."

"But Jimin never tears up."

"I know. Which is why I'm saying; bro can act." —

It felt like the air was sucked out of you as it started to sink in that Jimin was probably being honest when he was talking to Jungkook. Jimin, one of the few people to show you genuine kindness and patience. Jimin, Jimin, Jimin. You had to talk to him. You had to.

Everything after your realization grows muddled together; strings of you calling Jimin frantically asking for his address and hanging up before he can even respond, you getting on your bike, somehow making it to his apartment in one piece, knocking on his door and–

"Jimin."

"Y/N?"

"I'm sorry-"

"What-"

"I'm so sorry-"

"Woah, hey, hey. Come in. You're soaked- Did you bike here? Wha-"

"It wasn't you."

Jimin's eyes soften — he knows what you're talking about.

"It wasn't me."

You let Jimin finish wrapping a towel around you until he steps back to continue speaking.

"I'm really sorry for accusing you of saying all those things without even asking you about it."

"You don't have to apolo-"

"But I do. I should've heard you out before flipping out and assuming you would do something like that to me."

"Its not like I haven't given you any reason to distrust me."

"But you've also given me reasons as to why I should trust you."

"It's okay, I'm not mad at you at all I promise. I'm sorry that you had to go through all of this."

"It's not your fault."

"It's not yours either."

A silence washes over both of you, and as you stare at each other you realize that you'd moved closer to each other to the point where you could almost feel Jimin's breath on you while you were talking.

The soft feeling from that night at the hotel begins to reappear, and Jimin cuts through the silence to let it in deeper.

"Can't believe you ran all the way here."

He gently moves a strand of wet hair out of your face, and you think if you were in a cartoon, you'd be able to see hearts flying over your head.

"I can't believe it either."

You both giggle before Jimin squeezes your shoulder and grabs you by the wrist and begins to walk.

"You're gonna get sick if you don't dry up."

"Do you really think my immune system is that weak-"

Ironically, you're cut off by a sneeze and you don't know if you're actually sick or if you really heard Jimin murmur a "cute" under his breath.

He leads you into what you assume is his room, and he lets go of your wrist only to go rummage through some drawers.

"Here are some clothes, uhm- I mean, you should change. So you don't get like, sick or anything. You can shower if you want, or you can just change your clothes- whatever works best."

You giggled at Jimin's nervous rambling, but you were equally as flustered when he handed you his clothes and you realized that you were in fact in Park Jimin's room and he was giving you his clothes to change into.

"Oh, uh- thanks. I'll be- I'm gonna go- do that."

"Yeah. Cool. Yeah."

Running into the bathroom and locking the door, you expected the swirling in your stomach to settle down, but when you saw yourself in the mirror, wearing Jimin's clothes, being overtaken by his smell, your butterflies came tenfold.

Get a grip, Y/N. What are you? A high schooler?

Again, Jimin wasn't any better than you were. You walked out of the bathroom and he could've sworn he saw the light of the universe before his eyes; his shirt looked so big on you, your hair was still wet and a soft blush covered your cheeks – you were gorgeous, and he was starstruck.

Finally snapping out of his speechlessness, he walks towards you and grabs a small strand of your hair.

"Your hair's still wet."

All you can do is nod: he is so close.

"You want me to dry your hair?"

"Yeah."

Now it wasn't just butterflies flying around in your belly, there were bees and hummingbirds buzzing in there as well; maybe that night wasn't just a one time thing, maybe you'd get to feel the gentleness of his hands flowing through you again.

"Come on."

He grabs a stool and walks back into the bathroom, and you follow.

It's almost funny – how natural everything feels. You sitting down while Jimin finds a brush and the hair drier, the way he cards his fingers through your hair, even the soft stares through the mirror, both of you blushing and looking away at any eye contact.

You almost fall asleep right then and there; how could a person you so new to you make you feel this safe? You're not sure, and Jimin isn't either, but you doubt it's a bad thing. It's not a bad thing at all.

"Not sure if it's too soon but I'd like to say that this hair thing might be our thing." Jimin says as he finishes drying and brushing your hair. You smile up at him and nod, and he's so close again.

"Hold on, you have one out of place." You think you might be becoming obsessed with the gentleness of Jimin's touch, or even just Jimin himself.

Jimin can't look away from you even if he tried. He's scared he'll cross a line that you aren't ready to cross over, so he's watching you carefully to see how you're reacting. He's convinced that seeing you like this is his new favorite sight; your eyes are droopy and your shoulders are slumped, you're leaning into him (are you even aware that you're doing that?), and it makes his chest swell with what might be a mix of pride and fondness. For you to feel safe enough to let your guard down, to forgive him even after everything, it makes even the colors of the room look brighter; you make everything brighter.

The room feels still – you swear that Jimin just looked at your lips. You know you've had your fair share of mind tricks, but for once, you don't think you've imagined this.

You know you aren't imagining this when Jimin's hand leaves your hair and trails from your cheek down to your chin: this is what you mean when you say you feel like you're becoming obsessed with Jimin's touch.

The way his thumb softly traces your bottom lip shakes you all the way to your knees, and, yep. He's looking at your lips. You want to blame it on instinct, the way you lean into him and look to his lips as well, but there is not instinct teaching you this. It's Jimin, your driving force. The driving force of the lick of his lips, the change in his eyes, his breath on your skin.

You always thought the movies were overly corny when they said that kissing someone felt like fireworks exploding or like bells ringing but now you think they were downplaying it.

Kissing Jimin makes you feel alive.

He feels that you're unsure, and he pulls away at the first sign of hesitation.

You have to stop a whimper from leaving your mouth at the loss of his on your own.

"Are you okay? With this, I mean." His voice sounds the same way it did that morning when he had just woken up and it makes you even more excited. So much so that you don't know what to do with your hands, so you clutch his shirt and move him closer to you while nodding.

Jimin doesn't think you notice that a whine actually leaves your lips, and it makes him chuckle before leaning back in. He would tease you just to get more sounds out of you but he's just as needy as you seem to be, surely even more.

This time you seem more sure, more intentional, but he still takes the lead. This time it is a bit funny, how in sync you are. His lips against yours, the push and pull of your bodies, it's intoxicating.

Suddenly the thought of having to go back home and being away from Jimin pops into your head and this time you do whine. You start to kiss him more urgently, and thankfully, he kisses you with the same hunger. You're standing now but your weight is almost entirely on him. His hands are firm on your waist and yours move to the back of his neck. It's dizzying, how electric this feels.

You're the one to pull away first, feeling breathless. Jimin understands, so he cups your face with both of his hands and internally he's fighting against the urge to squish your cheeks. Instead, he plants a kiss on your forehead then puts his forehead against yours.

"Stay the night?"

"Yeah.

You know you'll talk about it later. The misunderstandings and the kisses and the butterflies and bees, but for now being close to each other is enough. You have nighttime, and you have tomorrow, and time again and again.

For now, being close to each other is enough.

[grapenehifics]

20 Question Fic Writer Tag

Hell yeah I'll play. Thanks @palfriendpatine66 :D

How many works do you have on ao3?

AO3 says ten, but one of those is a series continuation of another one, so I count it as nine...although tomorrow that will go up by one, after the reveals for the Ghost Window challenge go out.

2.) What's your ao3 word count? 

Oh god. 690,376. I honestly think I was happier not knowing that fact about myself.

3.) What fandoms do you write for? 

I don't multitask well. I can write Star Wars fics or I can write Star Wars fics. I haven't even ventured outside the Clone Wars era yet.

4.) What are your top five fics by kudos?

Some Technical Difficulties - big gap - Solsbury Hill - An Uncivil War - medium-sized gap - An Unlikely Duo - another gap-ish - Down by the Seaside.

5.) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yep. I like it when authors reply to me when I leave a comment, so I try to pay it forward. Also sometimes we get into fun little side chats.

6.) What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

At the moment, not one single damn one of them. They have angst in them, but none of them end on angst. However as of about twenty-four hours from now, my answer will be, Ghost Window AU.

7.) What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Literally all of them. I'm happy to read angst, but when it comes to writing I am firmly in the happy endings camp.

8.) Do you get hate on fics?

I had some people tell me they were dropping out of Solsbury Hill because it wasn't getting to the Obikin fast enough, but I wouldn't call that hate. So, no.

(Side note, though: you don't have to tell authors that. Just delete your subscription quietly.)

But, I am also very ready to delete any and all negative comments. This is my fun side project; good vibes only.

9.) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

...pretty vanilla kind, honestly. Again, I read much more adventurously than I write. (Although, as recently as two years ago I would have said I don't write smut at all, so hit me up two years from now and maybe I'll be writing hardcore d/s, I don't know.)

10.) Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

By the strict definition, no. If you're talking 'dump Star Wars characters into settings of other movies', then hell yeah, that's kind of my jam right now. Down by the Seaside is Obikin Overboard. Next year I'm planning to publish Obikin Jurassic Park, Obikin Parent Trap, and Obikin Princess Diaries II. And I have a couple more on my to-do list.

11.) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Is this a thing I need to worry about?? Shit.

12.) Have you ever had a fic translated?

@kittonafoxgirl did a podfic of Some Technical Difficulties and it is still like one of the top five most rad things that has ever happened to me; does that count?

13.) Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

No but @fulcrum843 are currently mulling something over...

I do get a lot of help with my writing though. @piecesofeden11 basically wrote all the DnD stuff in An Unlikely Duo. I talk stuff out on Tumblr with folks all the time before I actually sit down to write it (or during, lol).

14.) What's your all time favorite ship?

I have no plans to write anything other than Obikin, and there's so much new good fic that it takes up most of my reading time as well.

15.) What's a WIP you'd like to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I wouldn't call it a WIP because there are no words on a page but I love the *idea* of a fic based on Jenn Barkley from Parks & Rec but have no idea what direction to take it and may never get to it. (If anyone wants to take this idea and run with it please do; it is very much up for grabs!)

16.) What are your writing strengths?

This is a weird thing to answer about myself but I hope I write with a sense of movement, propulsion, even a little suspense - as a reader I love to feel that I have to turn the page, I have to see what comes next, I don't want to put this fic/book down - and I try to work towards that goal in my own writing.

17.) What are your writing weaknesses?

Getting bogged down in details. It drives me crazy in movies when characters have these huge mansions but seemingly never go to work and somehow this has translated into me being incapable of just writing a smutty one-shot or whatever because what is everyone's job and how much is their mortgage payment and do they get paid on Fridays or Mondays and how many bedrooms does that apartment have.

18.) Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

See answer above about over-complicating things: I came up with this whole system for An Uncivil War for whether I'm writing out the dialogue in a language other than Basic (I feel like we really only have enough information for me to be able to do this in Huttese and Mando'a, and even then only short conversations in certain subjects), or simply noting that a character is saying something in another language ("he said in Ryl" or whatever), or mixing Basic and a word/words in another language within the same sentence. It was important to me to capture that multilingualism, but it's also a lot of work, ngl.

19.) First fandom you wrote for?

Technically Johnlock but I never finished/published anything.

20.) Favorite fic you've ever written?

I love all my babies equally, she lied.

It's the Can't Stop the Suns series, which is An Uncivil War, Pick Up the Pieces (more than halfway completed), and Sometimes Fate Steps In (loosely outlined). Sometimes I'll just look over my notes and get giddy about how much good stuff I'm packing in there and how much *more* good stuff I haven't even gotten to yet. I'm throwing the kitchen sink of stuff I love at it. Even if the final version doesn't quite live up to the vision I see in my head (it rarely does), as long as I get close I'll be happy.

I tag @piecesofeden11, @underacalicosky, @fulcrum843, and, as usual, anyone else who feels up for it!

[a-very-fond-farewell]

Shipper Tag Game

the ever so wonderful @wangmiao tagged me in a game! yay :D I spend my days studying as of lately an I needed a little distraction eheh

-

1. what ship were you completely obsessed with when you were a teenager, but now you don’t care anymore?

aah man, it’s probably ed & winry from FMA if I’m being honest. now I know why, bc my baby gay younger self saw the potential for ftm!Ed and mtf!Winry since day 1 but I didn’t have the words to understand it as such back then. it’s not that I don’t care anymore but that fandom served its purpose and I am thankful for it. learned about my own stance on gender euphoria thanks to it actually even if the story has nothing to do with it in retrospect.

2. which ship would you consider your first one?

ik that, as a wee child, I was obsessed with Haruka from Sailor Moon flirting with Usagi, but I wouldn’t consider that as a proper “ship”. I learned shipping was a thing at, like, 19. but if I look back at my childhood... probably either Syaoran & Sakura (bi nation where u at??) or Touya/Yukito from Card Captor. I clocked the Tomoyo/Sakura waaaay later tho, which is a pity.

3. your first fanfic belonged to which couple?

first fanfic I read was a D. Gray Man one, so it was probably a Kanda/Allen situation yeah. I think I was 20. oh god.

4. do you remember the first couple you saw a fanart over?

hard to say. I think I had just discovered tumblr, so it means I was either 22 or 23... so I was either in the Pandora Hearts fandom or in the Tokyo Ghoul fandom. and I only followed people from those two so... I think it was an Arima/Haise one? hard to say fr.

5. did you ever get into ship discourse?

I tend to stay away from that. I just mute or block people and go back to play with my fictional people. me is petty at times, yes.

6. did you use to have any no-otp or have it currently?

I do have ships I don’t particularly like, but I find it silly to talk about them. I let people enjoy themselves.

7. who were the couples in the last fanfic you read?

Gaon/Yohan from The Devil Judge bc there’s only one fic in the whole fandom I follow and I generally don’t read fanfics that much. (I may or may not have read a fanfic from Evilive in the past month or so, but if I did I was feverish and recall very little of it).

8. currently do you have any OTPs?

man where do I start?

Shang Xirui/Cheng Fengtai from Winter Begonia

Zhou Zishu/Wen Kexing from Word of Honor

Gu Yun/Changgeng from Sha Po Lang

Seo Doyoung/Han Dongsoo from Evilive (current one)

Kim Gaon/Kang Yohan from The Devil Judge

Lee Dongsik/Han Joowon from Beyond Evil

Koo Ryeon/Park Joonggil from Tomorrow

(one sapphic ship I shall not name - for the discourse is rampant about them- but it involves ladies and dragons)

Eve Polastri/Villanelle from Killing Eve (I am waiting for the italian dub to drop season 3 and 4 in dvd, I am too attached to it to budge)

(if that news about Kim Goeun and Jeon Doyeon starring in the same thriller drama is true I will make it my entire personality so be prepared for it)

9. is there any couple that, to this day, you are extremely mad about not getting together?

is there?.... man I have no clue. they are all true in my heart. I can be anal about it and say that I call bullshit on the main girl in True Beauty kdrama not ending up with the second-male lead if I really have to be mad about something but... meh? that’s probably it? the characters were too young for me to empathize with them but I guess that’s still something I think about from time to time?? I feel so silly saying this ahah

10. is there any ship you used to dislike but now you think they are kind of interesting?

honestly, ever since kun opened my eyes about soggy older men being bullied by grumpy older men I have changed as a person. I never disliked it per se but now everything has changed. I see the vision now. I see it. thank u kun :)

11. do you have any ship that, in the past, was considered normal but now you would be cancelled over?

listen. I ship changgu. it’s Gu Yun’s fault to be such a cougar, what was a growing kid like Changgeng supposed to do? not fantasize about his godfather? who, I might add, is only, like, 8 or 9 years older than him and didn’t even want to take that role to begin with and they got together when both were above their mid-twenties anyway? try again tag game. these new fandom babies are eating my face like smooth lions as we speak. (I am joking...)

12. what was your favorite crack ship?

before I left the m/dzs fandom... I guess Wen Q/ing & Lan W/angji as a “beard for beard” situation. they are gay and they are not vibing on prom night, having to dance with each other instead of looking for people they actually like. maybe it’s best that I left the fandom ahah

13. who is the couple you read most fanfics of?

I don’t really... read... fanfics... anymore. usually I’m either in a big ship or a niche show/book with no in between. in the second case... it’s bad bc I feel the urge to WRITE for the fandom and ship in question, which means that I don’t want to read fics about it unless I have finished my own fic for it (bc I don’t want to accidentally steal other people’s ideas. my subconscious is an octopus I swear, it latches onto anything that moves in my brain. I cannot do that to someone else’s creation!); in the first case it works only if I’m not active in the fandom:

take Word of Honor: I write for it and for the main ship too, so I don’t read fics about it

take Evilive or Winter Begonia: we have so few fics in there I MUST WRITE for the main ship, so I don’t read fics about it (sometimes I do cave in tho, yes I am human)

take The Devil Judge or Tomorrow: I’m not active on either of those, so I can enjoy reading fics (only two, one for each fandom)

my life is a struggle ik. the most fics I have read for a ship is probably that sapphic ship I shall not name (evil women come at me!!) and bagginshield from The Hobbit (we are talking 10 years ago tho)

14. what most of your ships usually have in common?

across all genders and all gender combos, I have generally 3 vibes going on:

twice divorced, never married

long suffering banter, but fond

not related, not chosen family, but a secret third thing

(additional flavor: either the younger one is the bossy one or they are the same age and they are making it everyone’s problem at that)

15. what you absolutely hate in a ship?

I would say conformity. if I don’t catch any queer vibes from the main source then what’s the point? even in a het ship I must latch onto some gender magic of some kind. some pegging for everyone would be nice too. or no sex at all, for a change, why not?

-

thank u once more kun for tagging me! imma tag anyone insterested in doing this and @amethystina and @danhoemei is they feel like doing it or if they just want to have a look at my replies, no pressure!!

[dontfeeltoohot]

Enjoy 2.5k of soft YTAU Steddie at a pumpkin patch. City boys and farms don't mix well.

X X X

“We should go to a farm or something, for pumpkins and cider and stuff,” Steve says over dinner in the middle of October. 

Eddie looks up from where he’s stabbing at a piece of chicken and smiles, body warming. His boyfriend likes to keep things interesting, and it’s not a secret they both love participating in Autumn activities. They need to get pumpkins soon anyway, and going to a farm could be fun, though he’s never been. 

“Hell yeah,” the artist nods, reaching over to squeeze the man’s hand. “Have you ever been to one? I can confidently say I haven’t. Not many farms in Chicago.” 

Steve grins at him and nods, squeezing Eddie’s hand back before swallowing a bite of broccoli. He thinks he could watch the younger man eat all day, as weird as it sounds. It’s cute, the way Steve looks and tries to decide what piece of broccoli he wants before getting it, unlike himself, who just snags the closest one. 

“I’ve been going basically every year with the kids,” his boyfriend admits, even though said ‘kids’ are now in their early twenties. 

“God you’re adorable,” the long haired man smiles, feeling like he just wants to hug Steve right all day long. “So is it like all those cliche pumpkin patches you see in movies? With like hay rides and corn mazes and stuff?” 

“Pretty much. Hawkins may be a small town, but it does festivals and fairs pretty well,” Steve confirms. 

“Ooh, this’ll be fun.” 

“Mhm! They have cider and a little store usually. They’ll do fun stuff for little kids like face painting and slides.” 

As they finish eating, Eddie thinks about how Hawkins is compared to Chicago, how out here it’s calmer and more down to earth. There isn’t as much violence or noise, and the weather change is gradual and pretty. The trees near his apartment (and really everywhere) have turned gold and red which makes the tattoo artist stupidly happy- nomore heat or blinding sun or bugs. 

They do the dishes together, something that’s ridiculously domestic and makes both of the men blush when they stumble over each other or realize how nice it all is. Steve rinses everything off, then hands it to Eddie, who puts it in the dishwasher, particular about how things go. Steve has his little things too, like how he has to make his bed every morning even if he stays at Eddie’s and the guitarist is still in it. 

“So Tumblr has decided my pathetic city-raised body is going to be no match for the farm,” the man sighs dramatically as they lay on the couch, curled up together. 

Steve chuckles and his lips quirk up, playing with Eddie’s hands as ‘Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince’ plays in the background. 

“Yeah? I mean maybe they have a point. Have you ever even been around hay or horses or anything else of that nature in your life?” 

Has he? He and Wayne always got their pumpkins at the dinky little pumpkin lot that was just already picked pumpkins sitting on grass next to the park. He’d loved it all the same though, especially the first few years he’d lived with his mom's brother. Wracking his brain, the twenty eight year old finally looks at his boyfriend. 

“…I don’t think so. But! My body has a great immune system! And it’s not like I’m allergic to all things outdoors, I’m just allergic to all the mold and shit in Autumn,” Eddie grumbles, though he’s not actually upset. 

“What you’re saying is that I better put extra tissues in my pocket tomorrow?” Steve grins, and Eddie shoves him playfully. 

“They’ll be for you. Don’t farms usually have cats?” 

“And dogs.” That one makes Eddie’s smile drop but he rights it quickly. “Plus I go every year, I know it doesn’t bother me.” 

“I’ll be fine Stevie, don’t you worry your cute little head.” 

Eddie is decidedly not fine, as they walk around the large open area. It starts about twenty minutes in, after he’s breathed in enough hay and dust and animal dander to finally settle in his head and trigger his histamine response. The artist is determined to have a good day. He’s already taken his allergy pill like usual, but it seems it’s going to do nothing for him as he sniffles, right hand fingers laced in Steve’s left. 

“You okay Eds?” Steve asks, watching him curiously, eyes sparkling. 

“Y-snf! Yeah, I’m good! So we have our drinks, what’s up next?” He asks, rubbing his nose on his left wrist, hand holding a styrofoam cup of hot apple cider. 

He tries to remember he’s going to need to watch what he eats carefully the rest of the day, with all the sugar there’s bound to be in the drink. 

“Thought we could look around the store, maybe look at all the cute animals,” Steve beams and god he’s so damn adorable all relaxed like this. 

“Sounds like a plan, Stan,” Eddie swings their hands as he’s led to the log cabin-esque building that holds jams and honey sticks and other food items, along with little toys for kids. 

As they browse, the long haired man finds a hand carved slingshot. He brings it to Steve, who’s looking at a jar of strawberry jam. There’s a very thin coating of dust on the tables, barely noticeable, but Eddie notices. His eyes are starting to get itchy, and he blinks hard to try and get the slight watery feeling to go away. 

“Found a cool slingshot.” 

“What are you, five?” Steve teases him lightheartedly, looking at the weapon. “Pretty cool though. You going to get it?” 

“Nah. Would end up in a drawer somewhere forever,” he shrugs and looks at the jar. “That looks yummy.” 

“Yeah I think Robin will like it. I might steal some too,” Steve says thoughtfully. 

Unable to help himself, Eddie presses a kiss to his boyfriends lips, pulling away with a grin. 

“What was that for?” 

“You’re just too cute for your own good Harrington.” 

As they walk back outside, Steve runs to put the bag containing the jam in the car. While he’s gone, Eddie pulls a tissue out of his pocket and blows his nose, grimacing when it’s more productive than he’s expecting.  It knocks loose more congestion, and his nose twitches, sensitive from all the allergens around him. 

“ihGKtSHew! ihKSHHUHew! iiKhCHew!” 

“Bless you,” Steve says, coming up next to him. 

“Thanks,” Eddie presses close and sniffles, rubbing his nose again. 

“You good? Your allergies aren’t bothering you are they?” The smirk on the ex swim captains face tells Eddie he knows they are, and that he was right- Tumblr was right. And that’s absolutely not going to fly with him. 

“Nope! Just a random tickle,” Eddie smiles and leads Steve through a small crowd, towards the sectioned off area that has a bunch of small goats, pigs, and baby cows. 

“They’re so cute,” Steve watches the goats as they’re instructed to come in so they can pet them. 

You’re cute, Eddie thinks, watching the man bend down to rub the brown goat's head. He looks amazing in his dark washed jeans and tight fitting sweater, a Ralph Lauren quarter zip keeping him warm. His hair is styled perfectly as always, and the very slight wind leaves Steve’s cheeks just barely pink. 

Leaning down to pet another goat, Eddie sniffles and rubs his face quickly on the shoulder of his own black sweatshirt, though it doesn’t really help the tickle that’s in his head. The two men stay with the small barn animals for ten or so minutes before realizing they should let others get a chance too. Stepping back out, Steve brushes his sweater off, seemingly unaware of the fur and dust he’s just moved off onto Eddie. 

Nostrils twitching, runny from both the slight chill in the air and his allergies, the artist sniffles twice, then rubs his nose on his wrist, attempting to control the overwhelming tickle. When that doesn’t help, he rubs it against, this time longer, dragging his damn nose tight against the outside of his hand. 

“Pumpkin patch?” Steve asks, tone excited and almost childlike. Eddie melts. 

“Sure St-snf! Stevie.” 

They find their way to the large tractor that they can board to get them to the pumpkin patch section. As the men sit, Eddie tries not to breathe for a moment, as particles of dust from the hay billow up into his face. His eyes feel a little gritty and he wipes at the barely there wetness under them, sniffling. Steve’s watching him with big eyes, and though he wants to indulge his boyfriend, he wants to prove to him he can be a small town guy more. 

As he and Steve look around, other people board as well, and soon they’re all sitting knee to knee, and the tractor starts rumbling. Nostrils twitching, Eddie leans his elbows on his thighs, turning to watch Steve. He presses the cuff of his sweatshirt to his nose, trying to rub the tickle away subtly. It doesn’t help, not even close. If anything, it worsens the sensation ten fold, and he curls away from the woman next to him, leaning against Steve, cuff still pressed tight to his nose. 

“nGKT! ihGKt! Snfsnfsnf! iiGnKTew! Guh…” 

Steve licks his lips, watching. Eddie looks up and sniffles, and as he pulls his sleeve away, both can see it’s damp, just as damp as his nose. Before he can do much else, his eyes are fluttering again, the itch still swirling in his sinuses from stifling. 

“iiHGkTSCHew! hih’iGSH’uhEW! eh’KTschh’EW!” 

Not having time to do much else, Eddie presses his face into Steve’s shoulder, but he doesn’t pull away, instead he rubs his face on the soft material, allergic tears spilling onto his face. 

“ihGKshhEW! hah’KTSCHew! ahikSHH’uhew!” 

A few ‘bless you’s’ from others around them make Eddie cringe. Steve blessing him is one thing. Others, not so much. The ride into the patch is bumpy and the long haired man keeps as close to his boyfriend as possible before remembering he has tissues. Yanking them out of his pocket, he presses them tight to his nose, rubbing at it, pinching his nostrils and jiggling his septum, trying to get at the intense itch that’s consuming his head. 

“hihKShhEW! ah’IGkSHhEW! hih-IkshhEW! Oh mby god,” Eddie blows his nose. 

Steve’s still watching, but he looks torn between arousal and sympathy. Eddie starts rubbing at his right eye, both watering enough he genuinely looks like he’s crying, cheeks splotchy. Everyone hops off of the tractor when it stops in the field, and Eddie tilts his head back slightly, giving Steve a perfect view of his irritated, pink nostrils, quivering in allergic anticipation.  

“Sneeze baby, I got you,” Steve murmurs, pulling him off of the wood and hay, then wrapping an arm around him. 

“ahIKShhEW! ihGKshEW! F-snfSNF! Fuck…-ikshhuhew!” 

“Bless you baby, we’ll make this quick ok?” Steve looks at him from where he’s got his tissue pressed against his nose again, hand now rubbing his left eye. 

“Sou’ds good, I’mb okay Stevie,” Eddie promises, but he’s honestly not sure he is. 

This doesn’t feel like dust allergies or even dog allergies. This is an entirely different level of allergic hell he’s never experienced. It’s like fluff is rubbing against his nose, like it’s in his sinuses, teasing him. His eyes are truthfully too watery and itchy to really be able to help Steve pick a pumpkin, but he goes along with it anyway, judging his boyfriend’s picks even if they’re blurry. 

Steve keeps him close, and Eddie doesn’t mind. He thinks maybe the twenty seven year old is worried, with the amount of soft touches and hesitant looks he keeps getting. He doesn’t think there’s necessarily anything for Steve to worry about until they’re heading back to the main area, and the tattoo artist starts coughing. 

It’s low and chesty, and even when he stops, Eddie finds he’s having a hard time catching a full breath 

Not wanting to freak Steve out, he sniffles soupily and sits back up straight, giving him a smile. He must look wrecked, because a guy next to him gives him a sympathetic smile too. Pumpkin in his lap, Eddie rests an elbow on its top and starts rubbing his eyes again. 

“Eddie, honey, you gotta stop rubbing. It’ll just make it worse, your hands are covered in all the dust and stuff,” Steve tries to be logical but the other man doesn’t want logic, he wants relief. 

“They’re itchy.” 

“I know, but-“ 

“ihHgkSCH’ew! snfsnf! iigkTSHhuhEW! SNF! hh! h’IHkSHew!” 

“Bless you,” Steve runs a hand through his boyfriend's hair. 

“snggf! Fuckin’ hell,” Eddie grabs his last tissue and blows his nose quietly, coughing after. 

Maybe he’s not entirely cut out for farms, he decides, once he slides into Steve’s passenger seat, pumpkins sitting in the trunk. The younger man rifles through his middle console and pulls out napkins, then grabs the water bottle he brought. Leaning out of the parked cars door, Steve douses the napkin in water, wrings it out, then hands it to Eddie, who raises an eyebrow. 

“Wipe your face off babe.” 

Oh. 

“Damn Harri’gto’d, we’re you a Boy Scout?” Eddie does as he’s told, wiping his face and neck down, coughing again. His chest feels oddly tight. 

“Eds, hey, look at me.” 

His eyes snap up to Steve’s, who are bright with worry. 

“You sound awful. Are you breathing ok?” 

“I thi’gk so? My chest is a little tigh’d a’d I feel like shit, but I’mb okay Stevie.” 

Though he doesn’t look fully convinced, Steve buckles up and starts driving. Only half paying attention, Eddie realizes they’re at Steve’s once the doors of the Beamer are being unlocked. 

“Brought you here, we can shower and then get you in clean clothes and I’ll put ours into wash. I don’t even wanna step into your apartment with this shit.” 

Half an hour later, they’re stepping out of the shower, Eddie groggy and head feeling like it’s filled with concrete. The shower’s definitely helped, he doesn’t feel like he wants to claw his face off anymore, his eyes aren’t watering as bad either. 

“So…you wanna tell Tumblr or should I?” Steve teases, and Eddie groans dramatically, which earns him a quick kiss. 

“I will. They’re all gonna be so smug.” Eddie slips on some of Steve’s sweatpants, tying them tight. 

“Tell’em you started having breathing issues. That’ll make’em feel bad for you.” 

They end up on the couch, Eddie half awake after a slightly more than recommended dose of Benadryl, and Steve playing with his hair. 

“They’re smug,” the artist grumbles, putting his phone down. “Called it.” 

“They just wanna tease you, mister ‘I’ll be able to handle it’.” 

Another kiss. 

“Ngh, fuck all of you for being right.” 

“Gladly Eddie, just tell me when and where.” 

“Menace.” 

Steve laughs, pulling Eddie closer, who melts against him. 

“I had a fun time, even if I did feel like shit.” 

“If we ever do that again, now we know to dose you up, at least,” Steve nuzzles his cheek. 

“Was gonna suggest doing it with Chrissy when she comes down, but honestly it’ll probably set her off too.” 

“No one’s allowed to be miserable for your birthday weekend. So no pumpkin patches,” Steve says, lacing their fingers together. 

“Yeah. We can just get them from the store to do with her.” 

“Sounds like a plan baby.” 

[inigostears]

talk ab Ren and chihiro rn

oh my god you have opened the fucking flood gates u have no idea how LONG i have WAITED for this

literally i cannot talk about them without talking about the others that like. surround them but oh my GOD

chihiro (right) and ren (left) are my two main ocs. they are basically detectives in their own world and investigate other demons and celestial beings. they are PROFESSIONAL partners and they bicker like no tomorrow. i have SO MUCH about them. i love them . so much. their whole dynamic is basically just them being polar opposites. that post? literally their vibes. like i cannot describe how much their vibes it is.

chihiro and ren live in a world very similar to our own, but they are detectives "from the other side". not in the sense that THEY are dead, but more so in that there are different planes of existence in the same earth (think like how bayonetta has paradiso and inferno, but they both still exist on earth). they also have a third partner between them, affectionately named ame, but IT AIN'T ABOUT HER RIGHT NOW.

the world itself revolves around cycles. these cycles exist for gods, lower celestials, mortals, devils, and demons. the upper planes of existence, where gods dwell and celestials dwell, has every god that has ever had a believer, though some have weakened over time. however, there is one god that is chosen to be the "ruler" of the upper planes, and is the major decision maker for all of the planes of existence and how mortals are treated. the ruler is usually chosen by whoever has the most believers, so the current one is based off of the christian god. she is a something of a reincarnation of the previous ruler, and is actually very new to the whole thing by the time ren and chihiro are around. in contrast, the ruler of the lower planes is usually just chosen democratically, and the current ruler there is a devil ("satan") that has actually been doing her job even before the previous ruler of the upper planes "reincarnated".

the previous ruler of the upper planes thought of demons as incredibly distasteful due to their treatment of mortals. he despised the demons for their magic, trickery, and sometimes even murderous tendencies. as such, he cursed all of the demons with the very thing that they hated the most: humanity. while the demons now possessed human bodies and human emotions, they retained their magic and long lifespans, and some even grew to resent humans even more because of it. due to this, the previous ruler of the upper planes and the current ruler of the lower planes struck a deal - the lower planes would input an institution of "policing" other demons (and celestials, should the need arise), and the upper planes would not interfere in the lower planes' affairs again. satan has a love for humans, and thus agreed to the terms. it was no small miracle that she has retained her position as long as she has. it is this same institution where chihiro and ren are employed. they are in the japan branch, for... obvious reasons, i think.

chihiro:

is a nogitsune (kitsune)

is a little shit. she is a sass master and has absolutely no fear inside of her. she would knife fight god in a denny's parking lot at 3 a.m. she is also a bisexual disaster and needs to go to horny jail. she also has so much love and kindness to give to the world, and it shows.

the little rings she has? they are not halos, they are actually her weapons. they are chakram and she will fucking cut a bitch with them. she is also insanely physically strong and very fast. she's not great at magic though, despite having the natural ability to use it.

chihiro actually grew up an orphan, but doesn't mind the whole "not knowing her family" thing. she grew up observing humans, and actually has a deep fondness for them. she really does not understand why so many demons hate humans. she may or may have boned some of them and liked it.

at first, she did NOT like ren at all. she found him to be too stiff and found the fact that he didn't talk back to her as much very rude. she has since come around to him, but she will still bicker with him CONSTANTLY. they disagree on so many things but they work well together, and she will defend ren until she fuckin dies.

chihiro's bestie (and primary informant) usu talk SO MUCH SHIT. especially about ren. there is a point in which chihiro goes through a slight crisis and wonders if she Actually Has Romantic Feelings for ren, which kind of makes things awkward between them for a bit because usu actually has a very real, very well known crush on ren himself. they are literally each other's fuckin cheerleader though so there is no bad blood between them whatsover. spoiler alert though: chihiro actually doesn't have romantic feelings for ren, she just really cares about him and just doesn't have a healthy reference model to properly express how she actually feels so she misunderstands and mis-categorizes her feelings based on what she knows she has experienced. It Is A Recurring Problem.

chihiro makes ren do all of the paperwork. she claims she does the "heavy lifting" so ren can do the heavy paperwork.

ren:

is an inari (kitsune)

he is! trauma incarnate! his backstory contains a lot of really sensitive topics that some people would rather avoid reading, but long story short: his mom is dead and ren suffered a lot because of it, and his dad did jack shit to prevent any of it.

ren, as you can tell, wears a mask! he has a very large scar (and many others) that takes up almost half of his face, and he really does not like the idea of anyone seeing it. he has magically sealed it so only he can remove it for this reason. there is a part of it that can be detached so he can eat without taking the whole thing off, though. he is such a pretty boy underneath the mask despite what he thinks of himself.

this art is from like, 2018 i think? so it is DEFINITELY outdated, but i don't have the time to do anything digitally so this is just the gist lol.

out of the two of them, ren is definitely the more level headed and smarter of the duo, and is much more magically adept. he can use a number of different types (i have.... a whole magic system.... but that would take SO MUCH TIME to explain), but he gravitates more towards fire magic for offensive purposes. he primarily channels it through a beaded whip that he can also use to manipulate the beads individually, but doing that takes a lot out of him.

ren is incredibly pleasant, but he just... doesn't like people LOL. he has a customer service voice i swear. he's so pleasant that there is another character, separate from the previously mentioned usu, that he makes question their sexuality. however, ren is ace and really does not like that kind of attention lol.

ren, also at first, was very off-put by chihiro and wanted to be switched to a more "professional partner". his supervisor declined, of course, which just made ren even more upset. however, when chihiro defended him in front of their peers for what seemed to be something small for chihiro, it actually was the turning point for ren and he really started to soften. they still do the aforementioned bickering literally every day, but ren does care for chihiro quite a lot. he doesn't feel anything romantic for her at all (and never goes through that same sort of crisis that chihiro does), but he does come to recognize her as someone that he trusts implicitly, like, halfway through their partnership. he (secretly) admires chihiro for her kindness, though he would never say it out loud.

other fun facts:

ren and chihiro are 210 years apart in age, with chihiro being the older of the two. they are 568 and 358, respectively.

chihiro loves spicy food, ren loves sweet food. they can never come to an agreement on food so they always go to the same damn restaurant after an important case lol.

ren loves cats. usu, being a cat himself, uses this against him. very often.

their third partner, ame (who i won't go too much into.... unless 👀) is actually secretly rooting for usu to win ren's heart, despite chihiro and ren basically being mom and dad (or big brother/big sister, really) to her.

kitsune retained some of their abilities to alter their physical form, although this is mostly for their tails. i didn't draw it because i'm lazy but chihiro has her tail out, while ren does not. ren actually has two tails, despite being younger!

these two are some of my oldest ocs and they have been with me since middle school! the idea of ren actually stemmed from a paper mache mask art project we had to do in art class way back then. i actually still have said mask. chihiro has been through a lot of design changes, but ren has mostly been the same with just some minor tweaks here and there.

THAT IS..... ALL I CAN REALLY TYPE OUT FOR NOW........ but thank u for letting me scream into the eternal abyss about them i have SO MANY ocs currently and these two barely even scratch the surface. don't ask me any plot details because i don't have any LMAO.

[sauntering-down]

weirdass Backrooms dream??

(copy-pasted from Discord so i am addressing Mary lol)

oh right, i had this dream during the night that was... fucking weird. i was in some kind of boy band, maybe? musical group?? idk, i think i was a dude and all the other members were oh fuck sdjfghdksjfghsjklg i htink i was. in BTS. shit. hold on i need a sec before i can continue

cripes. okay. moving on. despite possibly being in BTS, i did not recognize literally anyone, nor do i know who i was, thank god. ANYWAY, we were performing a song on this... kinda crappy stage that might've been a school auditorium. the song began and everyone except one guy was supposed to leave the stage one by one, then return one by one to sing their part... idk lol. i just know i was the first guy out, and i went offstage to the left, where everything was concrete and kinda grimy and run-down? there was more space back behind the stage proper, but i was just going there to wait in the wings. and then i just fuckin... video-game-clipped out of reality. blinked and instead of the wings with the music and the audience and everything, i'm standing at the end of a long, bare corridor. there is NOTHING in it except, at the far end, a metal door. and i mean nothing - looked behind me and there were no other doors or anything. i was FREAKING OUT because i had no idea where i was or how i'd gotten here?!? so after a long minute of panic and feeling kinda claustrophobic, i went down the hall and tried going through the door, and emerged backstage. all the other bandmembers were there, also freaking out a little. they were like DUDE WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN, WE'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU, YOU MISSED YOUR CUE AND NOBODY HAD ANY IDEA WHERE YOU WENT AFTER YOU LEFT THE STAGE??? and i didn't know how to explain it... i turned around and looked back through the door and there was just like, a regular school corridor or something, lockers and murals and random stuff that looked a lot like the music hallway in my old high school. and then i woke up and i was SO UNSETTLED. like i got up and went to the bathroom quick, then rushed back into bed and curled up all freaked out because the mental image of that empty corridor i'd wound up in was super unnerving.

(one other dream under the cut)

so last night i dreamed that the school you work at had another campus on Long Island, close to where i used to live - it was either in Sayville or Patchogue. you told me about it one day and i was like "oh, cool! maybe i'll swing by and take a quick look at it!" so after i left school (?) i drove down Montauk Highway for a while until i got close, then parked my car somewhere and went the rest of the way on foot - it was located on this narrow brick road which may or may not have been strictly a pedestrian street, i guess. and this building was HUGE. like, it had to be five or six floors, absolutely enormous, covered in vines and ivy... i think it was the end of the school day and for some reason i could just walk inside lmao, so i did. wasn't too impressive indoors, just kinda looked like a normal school. it was getting dark when i went back outside, and i guess normally they just had a string of white lights that meandered along the front of the building, but maybe it was close to the holidays because the entire thing, all this ivy going straight to the top, was draped in multicolored Christmas lights. i was like :O and decided immediately i needed to get a picture to send you. fortunately, i had a camera on me. also ran into two guys i knew in the dream - one was someone i went to school with IRL, the other idk - and they were like 'oh, we'll help!' but mostly they were just horsing around and getting in the way. i didn't want to use the flash so i'd get a nice pic of the lights, but my hands aren't steady so i couldn't get one in focus - the best one was just SLIGHTLY blurry - and finally i decided to come back tomorrow with like, a tripod or something, and also when these dudes weren't here to mess around. but when i came back, only the one string of white lights was on... same thing happened a few more days and i was going to just send the best one, but finally they were on again. i hadn't brought my camera so i tried to use my phone, but then... i woke up (and ran out of message space lmao)

[percontaion-points]

Jocelyn's Choice chapter 10

Click to see the rest of the snark & image descriptions

Click here for the rest of the series!

Chapter 10

I continued to stare at that little plastic stick with the two pink lines as the tears streamed down my cheeks.

Oh thank god, we’re skipping ahead to the events immediately after the prologue. 

"Good. Been a little busy today and I have a full day tomorrow, so I wanted to say hello and hear your voice." 

I closed my eyes and tried to fight back the tears that were threatening to spill. Apparently, pregnancy made you emotional; all I wanted to do was cry and scream.  

I think that wanting to cry in this situation is fairly normal. After all, she’s still a child herself; the ink on her high school diploma is barely dry. Not to mention the fact that her baby daddy is on the other side of the country. 

…and a brochure about a local adoption agency. I was sure when the nurse saw my age and my marital status, she tossed that brochure in to help me.

I’m sure that she thought that it was helpful, but it’s a little rude and presumptuous. 

Also, I love how abortion isn’t even at the table here. 

I’m going to be angry if she never once considers abortion. Especially considering that this book is called Jocelyn’s CHOICE… Not “Jocelyn Being Forced To Carry A Pregnancy to Term Because She Lives in a Red State”. 

/this book was published in 2011

Luckily, I had chosen to go to the local community college instead of one of the other three out-of-state schools that had accepted me. Max was willing to take out a loan for me to attend a university, but since I was undecided, and didn't really want to leave home, I couldn't see spending the money to go away. He said I could change my mind any time, and he would help me go. The decision to stay home may have paid off since I wouldn't be going anyway.

Did the author intentionally write it so that Jocelyn had no future hopes and dreams? I get being undecided, but even going so far as to not even apply for university?

After that, I'd have to figure out how to stay hidden in a town as small as this.

Chapter 10 summary: We mercifully skip over to the after-shock of her taking the pregnancy test. She obviously has to hide it, and then goes to take a call from Alex. She lies and says that she’s simply a little under the weather, but she should be fine. Inside, she’s fighting off tears. 

She goes to a doctor to confirm the pregnancy, and the doc tells her that she conceived in February. The thought completely blows Jocelyn’s mind, because last February, she didn’t even know Alex. 

After leaving the doctor’s office, she sits on a park bench to think about what she has to do. She obviously needs to tell Alex, but figures that this is something that requires a face-to-face conversation. She also has to tell her father, since they kind of live together. She’s only grateful that she never applied for college… And I said what I said about that. 

Evan calls, since Alex had called him about Jocelyn’s “odd behaviour”. Which is nice that he’s trying to ensure that she’s okay, but if somebody says “I’m feeling a little sick; I only need to rest!” Why wouldn’t you take them at their word?

Evan says that his mum has been asking about her, so Jocelyn agrees to go over. She thinks that this would prove to Alex that she actually is okay, and she needs to do it soon before she starts to show. 

[invincible-selfxmade-punk]

At 3:45, we finally got air conditioning. Tomorrow is one of those 12-hour days because we are in training from 8:00 to 4:00 and then from 5:30 to 6:30 it's me the teacher. But of course it never ends at 6:30 there's always parents that come in at the very last minute and we always end up staying late.

I made my debut with my lil rollie cart today. It is taking a little getting used to. But everyone says I move a lot faster with it.

So I'm really wishing I would have done it sooner. But I'm so glad I have it because Friday is convocation. That takes place at the high school. And there are no close parking spaces at the high school. Plus, there is a lot of walking involved.

You first meet for some kind of breakfast, which I usually don't do because I never have anyone to sit with, and I hate sitting by myself because I feel like I'm looking at me. And then you go to the vendor room where there's all these people giving out free stuff, hoping that you'll give them some business in return. Like there's every investment place you can imagine and insurance places and all the different banks and other places that are just they're handing out free stuff. So you walk through that Gauntlet, and then you have to go over to the auditorium and find a seat, and you're usually just like packed in like sardines because every school has its own section.

Needless to say, I'm going to be very happy to have my 3 wheeler with me. However, I cannot figure out how to make it collapse. My husband showed me once, but I tried the exact same thing that he showed me, and it will not collapse. Which is pretty much fine because it is so slender it does not take up that much room anyway but we will be in close quarters at the auditorium so I'm hoping somebody can show me how to collapse it before then.

Oh, and on top of everything else, I am at that age where if I move even the slightest way wrong it pulls or strains something in my back. This morning I bent over to feed the cats and when I came up something just Twisted in my back. I've had that happen so many times. So I was grateful to have that cart with me today because I was in so much pain trying to just move regularly.

Being gone two days or rather a day and a half for the colonoscopy really set me back. My room isn't even close to being ready for the first day of school which is on monday. I am not ready for the first day of school as far as having lessons and everything planned out. The first two and a half weeks one of the other teachers is going to do the lesson plans and the lessons then we will switch off. Thank God because as I have griped in this blog May has previous she never gets me the lessons on time and because of that it screws up my entire day. I will be very glad to be responsible for my own lessons when the time comes.

I made the mistake of sitting next to this person during our last training. She sat there and Drew the entire time which is fine, some people do that in order to concentrate. But when we were supposed to be discussing things she was still drawing and pretty much just ignored me. Or should ask me something and when I would answer it was clear she was not paying any attention. If it was hurt her to talk she just blurted out something that sounded like she had rehearsed it a million times. It did not sound like it was anything sincere. And then through the rest of the professional development she was playing on her phone.

Our previous department head was pretty tough, but she was also really great at handing out praise. I am appraised junkie because of growing up without parents with no one ever telling me good job, way to go, I love you, I'm proud of you I didn't get any of that growing up. And I know teaching is pretty thankless and I try my best to have a thick skin about it but sometimes when I go above and beyond what other teachers to do and do my best at everything, sometimes I really just need to hear that. And I get the feeling this new department head is not going to say that that often. Maybe she will, but I just get that feeling or that vibe from her. I have got to find some kind of online or telephone counseling that I can get into. I don't think I will be able to handle the stress of working all the time and doing so much work if I don't hear that I'm doing a good job.

The other two people in my apartment have lived in this town all their lives. Our department head started working at City Hall when she was 16 and she later married the police captain. So she knows everyone in the town. Wherever she goes she knows someone. Both of them go to the same church and both of them have kids. So I am the odd person out completely. So when they get together, I might as well not exist.

I have got to start giving myself more positive self-talk.

I was in some Workshop the other day, and it just dawned on me how horribly I think of myself. You always see those posts on here that say, " If you wouldn't say it to your best friend, don't say it to yourself."

I feel like everyone looks down on me and that I'm not liked at all that I am only tolerated and seeing myself as I think other people see me has caused me to have the most negative self-image when it comes to my job and my performance. I have got to find a way to either do some daily affirmations or something that will change that mindset for the better.

[jodilin65]

Just shared some parmesan pasta with my rat. Haha, this is one seriously spoiled rat. Not even the famous New York pizza rat got to eat this well.

Another funny thing was that when Tom got up at 5:00 in the morning yesterday, he looked at Alexa’s clock all confused and wondering why it was 2:00 in the morning when it was really a timer I had set, LOL.

I was up forever last night so my schedule made a two-and-a-half-hour jump and I didn’t get up until 3:00. It does that some days and some days it holds.

I hate the cold but love how it’s been keeping things quiet. No one’s been interested in their motorcycles. at least no one in the park. But Florida is going to be back to being Florida with highs around 80 and lows around 65 so that’s about to change. I don’t doubt for a minute that today or tomorrow I’ll be hearing from the Honker and the bitch behind him.

Tom and I decided to be bad the day before yesterday and get some more candy that was on sale for Valentine’s Day, even though it’s not even February yet. Carol, an English woman who’s a cashier at Walgreens that we’ve come to know well, was laughing her ass off when I said that the ONLY good thing in having hypothyroidism is that you can eat all you want because your weight isn’t going anywhere anyway.

I’m glad my shoulder is a little better today. I slept on it wrong the day before so it was sore all day. Today, I’m just very tired from being up so long.

Looks like the Zinnia project is a bust. The few that started to sprout are withering away. They never even bloomed. In a few weeks, I'll plant some outside and see if I have better luck out there.

There’s no easy way to say this but I decided that I’ve had definitely had enough of Andy. I swear to God that from now on if I ever dump someone for any reason or they dump me, that’s it! No more do-overs just because I miss the positive times and wish people could change simply because I explained to them what annoys and even offends me. Better to miss the good times than to deal with the toxicity. People are people and they don’t change. I think that because I’ve chosen to change more than most people (mostly by being less mischievous and vengeful), I incorrectly assumed that most others did the same. Well, they don’t.

I love Andy and hope he gets everything he wants in life from permanent weight loss to the man of his dreams to lots of money but I can’t deal with what’s basically the same old shit I’ve always had to deal with. He thinks he knows it all and everyone else is always making excuses or doesn’t know what the hell they’re talking about. Yet he’ll go into this whole spiel explaining whatever about something HE has absolutely no idea what he’s talking about even though he obviously believes he does. He still doesn’t seem to understand that there’s a difference between an opinion and a fact. We all may have opinions but that doesn’t mean they’re always correct facts.

And oh how he loves to argue! When I was dumb enough to reconnect with him in 2010, he just had to point out over and over again that it wasn’t the wildlife of Maricopa living with us, it was us living with them. Yeah, whatever.

He was telling me that I could lose weight with Hashimoto’s because he can lose it with edema after being told he couldn’t yet he’s obviously not smart enough to realize that you can’t compare the two. They’re two totally different things and while I acknowledge that doctors aren’t always perfect I can’t believe they’re all lying when they told me that it hinders weight loss. He sure thinks so, though, and said not to listen to them because one doctor told him to lose weight and then said that he would need vein surgery in his 70s. This pissed him off and he went to someone else who told him that the doctor shouldn’t have said that because he couldn’t possibly know this. So according to him, this is supposed to be why the doctors are lying about me being able to lose weight when it’s a proven medical fact that if the metabolism is slow, the body can’t burn nearly as many calories. Really, it’s an obvious no-brainer but this guy is so stupid at times and doesn’t even know it. I have heard that idiots don’t realize that they’re idiots because they’re just not smart enough to be capable of realizing it and hearing how ridiculous they sound. If doctors are lying to me about how Hashimoto’s affects weight loss, are doctors lying to him about his edema, diabetes and sleep apnea?

He was telling me things like how I could look up in a handbook what my insurance company has to offer and find out if a nutritionist is covered as if I wouldn’t know these things. At one point I laughed and said you must think I’m really stupid and he said no you’re not stupid at all. You’re very smart with all the languages you’ve learned. Then why was he telling me things that pretty much everyone knows?

Anyway, he was a bit contradicting when he said his nutritionist is wonderful and smart but then she’s not very smart because she recommended the wrong snacks or something like that. Oh, and she’s my type too, he says, because she’s tall thin and dark. I told myself I wasn't even going to bother to try to explain to a guy on testosterone treatment that a menopausal woman refusing to even think of HRT doesn’t have a “type.” Beautiful women to me these days are beautiful in the way a flower or a butterfly is. Also, not that he did this of course, but if you go to see a doctor because of how they look, as Tom said, you’ve got a problem.

He continued to chew in my ear when leaving me audios even though he knows damn well that annoys me and no, it’s not something he forgot despite his shitty memory because he acknowledged that he’s always known it annoys me but didn’t think I would “notice” him eating a strawberry. Eating is eating, isn’t it? It doesn’t matter what’s in your mouth if you’re making these gross smacking sounds. He’s just a die-hard opposite-doer. Always has been.

I’m also tired of the projections. He projects so much of himself onto others and assumes they’re just like him or at least can and should be at the same time bragging about how much he loves being unique.

Then there’s the fact that he just doesn’t get a lot of what I say and that’s only the parts he can actually remember. The memory issues are real but so are the stupidity and stubbornness.

He gets too pushy at times and it had a way of making me feel like I wasn’t good enough as I was. I don’t think he realizes or is smart enough to recognize or understand these traits of his but rather than not accept him as he is and waste my time trying to explain myself and try to change him, I just ghosted. Yes, Karma will get me for it but that’s just the price I’ll have to pay for someone I feel is more of a toxic than a positive influence on me.

Sure, we’ve have had our share of laughs together but I was finding myself annoyed and even offended much more often than I was laughing. The fact that I feel a sense of freedom and relief knowing he’s once again out of my life, this time for good, tells me something right there. I was just as stupid to let him back into my life as I was with Termite Tammy. Toxic is toxic.

At first I didn’t want to do anything that would signify he was dumped. But then I realized that if I simply ghosted him and left it at that, I would have to make it look like I abandoned my Facebook account and I didn’t want him to think anything was wrong either and possibly waste some poor cop’s time coming out doing a wellness check if he has this address. I’m not sure if he does, though. I have sent him mail from this place, but I don’t know if he saved the address. Either way, I would be making an awful lot of work for myself having to tweak this setting and tweak that setting to make it look like the account wasn’t in use and I didn’t think it was necessary to go that far. But I didn’t block him either. I simply blocked messages and his phone number, although I realize he could call from another number. I can avoid anything from that area code, though, and if it’s a different one and a voice message is left, I can delete it as soon as I hear his voice if he goes that far. As I said, the last thing I wanted to do was tell him why I’d had enough because I knew 100% of it would go right over his head, and 50% of it would be totally forgotten within a day. So that was out of the question because it would be a waste of my time.

Hashimoto’s or not, I’ll try almost anything once, and I’m not going to let it stop me from talking to a nutritionist when I get a referral to one next month. The only thing that makes me a little nervous about potential weight loss is how it may affect how my thyroid and BP meds affect me. Meanwhile, I’m tired of the false truths. I’m tired of him telling me things he doesn’t know a damn thing about. No one knows my own body as well as I do. Yes, I definitely do need to eat healthier but if your metabolism is slow, you can’t burn calories like a normal person. I would have thought anyone with half a brain would be capable of understanding this but apparently not.

I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if even though doctors have officially diagnosed my N24 and it became obvious to Tom and me what it was before I even saw a doctor about it, he still thinks it’s some grand excuse because I’m supposedly afraid to admit I don’t want to work. Yes, Andy acknowledged years ago that it “hit him like a bell in the night” that no one wants to start their day at three in the morning and that I do have a sleep disorder but he probably only said that to win me back when I dumped him in the past.

The point is the same. The guy doesn’t realize that not everybody can do everything he can do just like he can’t do everything others can do. That’s where the self-projection comes in. If he’s obsessed with his weight then so am I. I most certainly was in my teens and twenties (mostly thanks to my mother) and that’s the Jodi he remembers and is judging me by. If I remained as obsessed with it as I used to be, I probably never would have gotten this big because I would have starved myself. If you’re that obsessed with weight, you don’t care about the hunger that not eating brings. But the truth is that for many years I haven’t given a shit. I do now, though, in a non-obsessive way, not for appearance’s sake but to get healthier and put myself at less risk of becoming diabetic in the future along with acquiring other health problems that can come from obesity. I would also like to be able to get around easier and regain some of my flexibility.

Do I think I’ll ever really lose weight even if I see a nutritionist? No, I don’t. I think the best I’ll get from it is a healthier diet and that’s fine if that’s the case. If I don’t lose weight, then without Andy the expert know-it-all around I won’t have to be told I was still eating the wrong foods and making “excuses.” I don’t need people like that in my life. That’s not being a supportive friend. That’s basically the same as being called a lazy liar.

Again, I know I’ll be punished for this. The last time I walked away from Andy, Aly ended up dumping me for 17 months. So I’m sure something will happen but I’m willing to take that chance because I think it’s okay to pick and choose our friends and to cleanse our lives of toxicity whenever possible. Sometimes one really does have to look out for themselves.

Luckily he doesn’t know any of my email addresses and I don’t think he knows where any of my blogs are. So I did something right the day I decided to stop mixing friends with my journals and keep that separate so that only strangers or other writers who don’t know who I am read me. It wouldn’t be the end of the world if he knew about the blogs, though. I can ignore emails and he can read my blogs all he wants if he finds them because I’m not changing my mind in the future.

[fantasticcloudcreation]

May 5

Breakfast: banana, crackers, unsweet tea

Dinner: cauliflower soup with chickpeas, 2 beers

Again, no activity at all basically, just laid in my hammock working on crochet projects... Shocked that took up the whole day tbh. Time is moving faster lately, idk what that's about. I'm out of weed and I'm grumpy right now... Going to bed early so maybe I'll wake up earlier. One more day here and then on to the next place. I guess having all this free time I feel like I need to be doing something productive with it but I think that pressure is what makes me grumpy... It's like I'm trying to figure out how to level up in life but I don't really see a clear or easy path or even have a clear idea of what the next level really is; more money? Life stability, status symbols? Relationships, kids? I just want a house in the woods where I can relax with my friends for the rest of my life but god damn humans decided we wanted this weird competitive society. Anyway. It'll figure itself out, it's all part of the process. Right now: feeling grateful for this space and free time, who else gets to spend a week just sitting in a hammock in a state park working on crafts and reading and looking at birds and spacing out daydreaming? Thinking about leveling up as in, more of this but intentionally, and better; like a cozier outdoor living space, better organization/optimization of the indoor space; maybe some sort of personal business that lets me get some income back from this lifestyle/all these hobbies; the thing about that is that I'd need to be organized and disciplined about consistently creating and with high quality; all this boils down to: I need to get my shit together, I need to find a way to motivate myself and stay on track towards my goals; I need to exercise and move my body every day, and see/experience new things, and create high quality work. It feels like there's not enough time in the day, and my lack of stable living situation also makes it hard to start a routine; every single day is different, you know? Maybe that's why I get into these spaces and get stuck working on things I already know; anyway. Thinking about the idea of monetizing my hobbies as in selling my soul. Alternatively, if you love what you do you never have to work a day in your life. Also feeling anxious because I don't have any work lined up after this next event and I'm low-key stressing; I realize a lot of my self esteem/self worth/sense of self in general is tied up in my job and my work.... we'll unpack that later. I'm grumpy but I'm surviving. I'm grateful for this free space and I hope tomorrow I can muster some motivation to exercise and get organized. If not, it's still been a nice time, I still have 2 days after I leave here before I get to the house for the next job; it's all working out and I need to relax.