#100 Days Express Yourself Language Challenge

[akanemnon]

reading while I'm driving to work? 100% but don't tell the cops

"the one with the creepy smile" you bet oh my goodness. chara has always been my fav character in undertale, even though we see them so little. it's the fandom and comics like tr that give them life (hahaha) and only fuel my love for how complex and unique each creator's iteration of them is, and thus, fuels my love for the character itself. so them saving susie after they've gone through so much ptsd sort of trauma in the past few hours, and giving her THIS smile and twitched eye, GOOD. GOD. it's crazy how the way that you are able to draw an expression in such a unique way to that character that adds...everything to the comic. the body language and facial expressions and speaking mannerisms that you've assigned to each character makes your comic so lively, in a way that many outer artists can't do. I can't do it. it's not just chara, and it's not just that frame. it's all of them, but this one just like... sent a chill down my spine. gg akane.

I feel like i write one of these praises each month and they go on forever, but I could write an essay on how your comic and characters are so lively and accurate to how most of us see them in game. hell--i opened this app the other day and my first thing on my feed was someone's fanart of lesslo. I was like "oh, that's a cool one" and deadass thought for a moment that he's an ACTUAL character from deltarune, because he's THAT well written.

anyway, I'll stop my ranting now. have a good rest of your day/start of your day, and remember to treat yourself! go get a pastry, your favorite fun drink, whatever.

So, if there's one thing I'm putting A LOT of focus on, it's that every single character in this story has a unique way of emoting and speaking.

To me, it's almost like a science. Not everyone shows emotions the same way. It all varies from person to person. And there are SO many ways of conveying an emotion. It is extremely complicated and layered. A smile doesn't just convey happiness. People can smile when they're sad, frustrated, or even angry. It's nuanced as hell. Which is WHY it's so fun and challenging as an artist to try and capture that.

I want these characters to feel like real people. And this is one of many ways to achieve that.

[theartofpixar]

"Joy’s body language is generally pretty broad: her arms always stretching and reaching, and she’s constantly jumping around so as a former 2D animator, drawing her on the movie was quite the delight! Being not *that* extroverted myself, bringing that attitude to life, especially on days when I felt more like Ennui, had some really interesting effects. Have you ever drawn someone yawning and started yawning yourself? That kinda happened to me with drawing Joy. Stepping into her shoes (although she wears none!) was somehow always therapeutic and added a lot of energy and positivity to my days 💛

I am loving the cascade of incredible art pouring out from every department with the release of Inside Out 2! 💙 At one point I was assigned a Sadness action sequence called “Cry Hard” (!) which I’ll share in a future post, so before boarding I spent some time drawing poses and expressions to get a feel for her character. Can we talk about those little slippers. 🥺

Drawing Anger was always somehow satisfying! My Mediterranean roots probably have something to do with it ❤️‍🔥 One thing I loved about boarding sequences with these guys was how the Emotions felt emotions themselves, yet still kept their primary self. When Anger felt joy, it was a fiery happiness; when he felt fear or disgust, his eyebrows would never lie! These sketches are warm-ups from when I was exploring his fiery range of expressions and as I built my library, some of these definitely found their way into my sequences..

When I think of my favorite Emotion to draw, oh man. Disgust 100%. The SASS. Those mouth shapes and the fabulous lashes that just amplify it all. I had so much fun drawing her on Inside Out 2. I don’t wanna spoil the story posting my sequences yet, so these are some warm up sketches from when I was getting familiar with her volumes and expressions. The movie is out TODAY! Go see it in theaters!

And last but not least of the original emotions, Fear! I always thought he was kinda challenging to draw. His design includes a lot of sharp angles and jittery lines to convey his constant tension. His hands are usually close to his body as if to protect himself, and his shoulders always raised. It made me realize it takes a lot of energy to be constantly afraid of something! His eyes are also quite funny; his brows were disconnected, and somehow the back of his head had the shape of eyes too! Here are a few character studies. The poses with him clinging to the rope are taken from one of my sequences." – Alessandra Sorrentino

[pomidaea]

When looking at your art I always notice how amazing you are at expressions and body language.... HOW?!?!??!?! like tell me your secret

(　ＴДＴ)

And different face shapes, body types give me some of that talent I'm struggling!!!! Pls

Hello! I can’t show a step-by-step tutorial because my process is too messy to be turned into one, but I can give some general tips and also resources that you could use _(:3 」∠)_

EXPRESSIONS AND FACE SHAPES

Tips:

A general thing for expressions is that the features of a face interact with each other. For example, when you’re happy, you smile and your eyes also squint. If you raise your eyebrows in surprise, your eyes widen a bit. When you’re angry, your eyebrows furrow, your nose scrunches up, and your mouth is downturned. 

Try to observe the people around you, see what facial features move when people are happy, sad, angry, bored, etc.

If the expression feels flat, exaggerate. 

Human Anatomy Fundamentals: Mastering Facial Expressions (Joumana Medlej) - This goes in depth on how features interact with each other, and also has an emotion tree that groups expressions into 5 categories: relaxed, surprised, smiling, angry, and sad.

For face shapes, you need to know the basic proportions of a face before you can start messing around with different features. Here are some resources you can use which are a combination of art channels, challenges, and websites. You can use these for your art studies.

Proko - A gold mine for art tips in general, and they’re beginner-friendly. Note: They cover more realistic proportions rather than stylized ones. The 2 playlists I recommend for drawing faces are Head Proportions and Facial Features.

100 Head Challenge (Ahmed Aldoori) - Basically a challenge of drawing 100 heads in 10 days. You can honestly just go for any reference that you can find, but this Pinterest board could be a good starting point.

Earthsworld - A collection of candid portraits taken from American county fairs. Lots of unique faces that aren’t limited to “conventionally attractive supermodel faces from Pinterest™”.

BODY LANGUAGE AND BODY TYPES

Tips:

I wrote this down a couple of years back, but this did help me a lot. Note that these 4 tips apply to making your poses less stiff and not full on anatomy, that's a whole different thing (Taken from: how to make your art less stiff or whateveR 🤡🎨 - banana boi)

Simplify shapes - Make things easier for yourself. Example: Instead of thinking of drawing an arm, think of it as drawing two connected cylinders. The body can be broken down into different shapes such as spheres, cylinders, and boxes.

Let go of the details - Not everything needs to be super detailed. The main focus is the pose, not anatomy.

Exaggerate - A drawing is 2D so there isn't any depth. Exaggeration brings life into a drawing and makes it less stiff.

Fuck accuracy - It's like letting go of the details, the main point of capturing the body language is the pose and it's gesture. You want to convince people of what you are drawing rather than how accurately you can draw the thing.

Gesture Drawing - Your friend in figuring out poses and adding life to them. The main point of a gesture study is to capture the pose of a figure. Don’t think too much about how it should look. It’s supposed to be messy and not completely accurate. Each pose should be captured in around 30 to 60 seconds.

For example, here are some gesture studies that I did before. I didn’t focus on how accurate the anatomy is and simplified my lines to capture the essence of the pose. Try using S or C curves rather than straight lines.

Figure Drawing - I’d describe it as a more detailed version of a gesture drawing. Aside from the gesture, you are also paying attention to anatomy, proportions, and structure. These drawings take more time to finish, around 2 to 10 minutes.

Line of Action is a great website for figure drawing since you can adjust the timer as well as the models. I’d recommend doing gesture studies first, then moving to figure drawing so that you’ll have a better understanding of proportions.

You can also ask your friends or family to pose for you since live drawing is better than pictures. If you're too shy to ask, you can try drawing them while they're doing something like working, watching a show, or anything that lets them stay in place for a few minutes.

What I do besides looking at regular model poses is search for sports photography. There are lots of good shots that capture the athletes mid action. These are some of the drawings I made all the way back in 2020. These kinds of poses help you look at how the body moves in motion rather than your typical sitting/standing references.

Here's the thing tho, even if you think you're not good at gesture, you can still move forward to figure drawing. Gesture is a foundation while figure builds more to it. You're developing both skills at the same time for these two types of drawing.

Morpho: Anatomy for Artists Book Series (Michel Lauricella) - Great resource for anatomy references. These books simplify figures into basic shapes and explain some anatomy. The downside is that they don’t show a step-by-step guide on how to draw the human figure. If you can’t afford all the books, there are PDFs online. I don't know how you'll get them since there are different "ways", but I’d download with caution. (Example: Morpho: Simplified Forms or Morpho: Fat and Skin Folds).

Quick Anatomy Tips (Sinix Designs) - Deep dive into simplified anatomy and general tips. Honestly, Sinix Designs is also a good art channel on youtube to learn from since he tackles more stuff than just anatomy.

GENERAL TIPS

Here's a fun practice to do for faces and body types. Look for a character from your favorite media with a face and body type you've never drawn before, and try making fanart of them.

What pushed me to actually start learning how to draw different faces and body types was because of Miguel O'Hara from Across the Spiderverse. I got so frustrated in trying to draw him to the point that I used that spite to learn something from it 😅

Other tips would be:

Know at least the basic rules before you break them. Your art style won’t save you from having incorrect anatomy.

OBSERVE. Don't just go straight into drawing. Take the time to look at the figure/object before putting down the first line. How can you draw something when you don't even know what you're looking at?

References are a tool. Don’t feel ashamed if you need one, it's not cheating.

Your art will suck at first but keep going. It’s part of the process of learning. 

It’s better to have bad art than not draw at all. 

Don’t put too much pressure on yourself while learning, have fun!

Hopefully this is easy to understand and you were able to get something out of it! Good luck with your art journey 💙

[evolnoomym]

Valentine, Texas 💌🌹

Neighbor!Joel Miller x F!OC

General Masterlist | Joel Miller Masterlist | Support me |

Summary: The first date with your neighbor falls on Valentine’s Day.

Rating: 18+ mature content mdni!!!!

Word count: 1.2k

Authors note: Hello MoonSlut’s, this little treat is for the wonderful writing challenge hosted by @msjarvis @i-own-loki @happypedrohours 🩷 It’s also a follow up to “Good Neighbor 🚚” so if you haven’t read that, check it out as well <3

Also biggggg thanks to both @joelmillerisapunk & @sunshineispunk for beta reading. 🫂❤️

Warnings: no y/n, F!OC, Moon as always, food, a sprinkle of OC backstory (based off of real events), let’s pretend it’s warm in February in Texas, teasing, hinting to previous smut, Joel is a perv but also a gentleman, age-gap, Mama Mia is mentioned once and then never again, fluff. If I missed anything please let me know 🙏🏻

Shoutout to @cafekitsune & @saradika-graphics for the dividers ❤️

Disclaimer: English is not my first language so if you come across mistakes it might be due to that. I’m totally here for constructive criticism or feedback on how to improve. In general I appreciate comments, likes and reblogs greatly 🫶🏻

You are in the middle of unpacking yet another box filled with more clothes, when there is a knock at your front door. You look through the peephole, it’s Joel, so of course you open.

“Hello Neighbor,” you smile cheekily remembering the events from the previous day, whilst leaning against the door.

“Good Mornin’, hope ya slept well,” now he’s matching your expression, probably thinking of the same thing.

“Wanted to know if ya would like to have breakfast at mine, since, you know, you don’t really have a kitchen.” Suddenly he seemed all shy and nervous, looking at the ground and rubbing his neck.

“It would be an honor to have breakfast with you, Joel.” you step closer to him, touching his arm gently.

“Can I kiss ya?” He asks.

“Please,” you give him the green light and he presses his lips to yours in an instant.

He leads you over to his place and you settle into the seat at his dining table. Joel served you a delicious omelette with Feta cheese, onions, and topped with Parma ham. To your delight, the food is accompanied by a freshly brewed coffee and a herb peach tea infused with chamomile. 100% princess treatment.

When both of your plates are cleared, you and Joel easily fall into conversation.

“So, tell me darlin’, what brought you here?” He sips his Black coffee. “I assume s’ your first apartment by yourself?”

“Yes it is,” you bob your head “It’s difficult to explain everything but I guess I can try to summarize.”

Joel can tell by the way you get quiet that this is hard. “Baby, you don’t have to tell me.” He knows that reassurance is what you need right now.

“No, it’s okay, I think maybe speaking about it can help.” You nod to yourself.

“I was in a deep depression for 2 years, in that time my…” You sigh. “Mother went insane.”

“She started believing in all sorts of wild conspiracy theories and lost herself in that world. I don’t know this person anymore, whoever she was is gone. Apparently she stopped paying rent, without my knowledge, and one day I was awoken by loud banging on the door and that was it.”

“They kicked ya out?”

“Yes, I was in shock. I could only laugh at the absurdity of the entire situation.” And you laugh now too while recalling those traumatic moments.

“I’m sorry, I can’t imagine how difficult that must’ve been.”

“I try to see good in it, I would have probably never gotten out of there.”

“Moon, ya are incredibly strong for surviving all of this.” He grasps your hands.

“Thank you Joel,” you whisper and wipe away some stray tears.

Luckily, he stirs the conversation to more pleasant topics.

“Okayyyy, let’s talk about somethin’ else, what d’ya like to do in your free time?”

“I love photography.”

“You do?”

“Mhm, I love capturing the beauty in simplicity,”

“Would ya ever show me those pictures?”

“Of course I would.”

He smiles giddily before it’s replaced by a frown.

“You know, we did it all wrong,” he suddenly says and you look at him curiously.

“I mean, I should’ve taken ya out before…” Joel Miller blushing might be the cutest thing ever, “you know.”

You laugh. „Oh, yes, I know,”

“But then, wasn’t this our first date?”

“Excuse me,” he scoffs, “this was not our first date, I’ll be damned if breakfast goes down as our first date.”

“Well, I think the breakfast was already pretty good,” you shrug.

“No, pretty girl, I’m gonna make it more special.”

“Okay and when?”

Joel takes a moment, to deter the best time.

“How about tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow is…”

Joel finishes the sentence for you, “Valentine’s Day, yeah, I know.” He gives you a cheeky smile.

“Mooni, would ya want to be my Valentine?”

No one had ever asked you to be their Valentine, yet here is this stunning man and he wants you. You’re overwhelmed with happiness, having found something good after all these years.

“Ahh, yes, I’d like to your Valentine, Mr.Miller.”

You lean over the table and kiss him with urgency.

The next day, you get ready for whatever surprise Joel has planned for you.

You put on minimal makeup, wine-red lingerie, a black blouse and a simple plaid skirt.

After you spritz a bit of your vanilla perfume on your neck, there’s a knock at your door. It’s Joel in all his glory. When you whip open the door, his jaw drops open at your beautiful appearance. He went with a plain simple outfit but not any less enticing. You think he looks super sexy in his black T-shirt and those dark washed jeans.

You kiss him. “Hi! Happy Valentine’s Day, Texas.”

“Ya ready, pretty girl?” He asks as he holds out his hand.

“Lead the way Joel,” as you put your hand in his.

He opens every door for you up until you are seated in his truck. His hand on your thigh. You could get used to this.

After 30 minutes, you arrive at the destination and find out that what Joel had planned was watching a movie at the local Drive-In Theater.

Joel parks, tells you to stay put, and gets out to prepare the bed of his truck. After 5 minutes, he opens your side of the car, leading you by the hand. There’s a bunch of soft blankets, pillows, some snacks he must’ve brought and 2 cans of Vanilla Coke.

“Oh my god, Joel, this looks amazing. Thank you, this is the best Valentine’s Day and first date I’ve ever experienced.” You turn to him and lean up to kiss him.

“Baby, any good man should’ve treated ya like this.” He momentarily gets mad at those other guys for not treating you with the respect you deserve.

“Okay, come on let’s lay down. Get comfy.” He helps you onto the bed and then snuggles in beside you. Mama Mia starts playing, in the beginning you really try to pay attention but that turns into a make out session with Joel. The kisses are sloppy, his tongue exploring your mouth, teeth clacking together and the air only leaves you two in short huffs. Your hands are all over him, however now paying certainly more attention to his swelling length.

You know he probably wants to fuck but you have a little surprise to make it more interesting.

You pull away, Joel begrudgingly parts ways with your pillowy lips.

“Listen, since we are doing this the old-fashioned way, it would be scandalous to have sex on the first date.” You have to fight laughing at how Joel’s face falls, he looks like a kicked puppy.

“But, you know, I still have a gift for you, since it’s Valentine’s Day and all.” You smile at him sweetly.

“Go on,” words he regrets immediately when you start unbuttoning some buttons of your blouse. Until the wine-red lacy lingerie hugging your chest beautifully comes into view. He’s fucked, you play dirty games.

You make it worse when you grab his hand, slide it under your skirt till he feels the matching lacy thong. He closes his eyes as if in pain and grunts. He pulls his hand away though.

“Ugh, baby, s’ gonna be hard, but if ya wanna wait that’s fine with me.”

Then he leans in to whisper in your ear.

“The way I see it, bein’ patient, makes the reward jus’ so much better,” a dark chuckle tickles your ear, “and I promise ya I will wreck you for bein’ such a tease, naughty girl.”

©️ evolnoomym 2025. Please don’t repost, copy, translate, or feed into any AI. Support your fellow creators by reblogging, commenting, and liking!

💌: @thundermartini @aurorawritestoescape @milla-frenchy @toxicanonymity @penvisions @604to647 @pinkypromisepascal @mountainsandmayhem @msjarvis @syd-djarin @burntheedges @i-own-loki @happypedrohours

[amalainse]

𖦹 AM I THE SAME GIRL? ⇆ atsumu miya

┆︎summary ┆︎you've taken up two new interests―geology and unearthing the truth behind atsumu's new cryptic behavior.

┆︎tags┆︎getting together, friends to lovers. reader is oblivious. atsumu is predictably, a loser in love.

┆︎wc┆︎3.7k

┆︎an┆︎it is the beginning of winter and for some reason i always think of summer. and also this 100% an excuse to research further about something that has always interested me. half of what i learned didn't even make it into the fic but just know i have about 3 hours worth of stuff lodged in my brain now.

okinawa is a long thirty-six hours from your home in hyogo. you've already vowed to visit once your curator job takes off―and you actually have enough money to stay there. but anyway. the reason you want to visit so badly is because of the hoshizuna no nama―or the star sand beach. where sand is typically made up of tiny rocks and particles, the sand is made of tiny star-shaped little particles.

you know this, and other odd things about rocks you've never heard of before, thanks to your monthly subscription to the petrology society journal. the part time job you've gotten at onigiri miya doesn't allow much for extra expenses, but the journal is one of the things you don't mind dipping into your budget for.

it's nothing something most people would expect from you (and certainly not something you thought you would enjoy so much) but you had caught the tail end of a documentary on the history of the earth while studying for yet another exam.

you're reading the latest issue now, or you're trying to. it's more like you're pretending to read it, as your eyes scan over the same paragraph seven times. in reality, you're way too interested in watching osamu and a few of his friends play a friendly (?) game of volleyball. and more specifically―watching atsumu play volleyball.

osamu had asked if you wanted to join, or maybe if you wanted to keep the score but you had declined. these were osamu's friends, and you felt more than a little out of your element just by being there. you attended the inarizaki high, same as osamu and his friends, but to say you were friends then was a generous statement.

at most, you and osamu partnered together often to work on projects or study. classroom friends. not the sort that hung out together outside of school hours. and when you started working part-time at onigiri miya, you assumed it would be the same. it isn't, and as a result, the two of you have struck up a tentative new friendship.

atsumu, osamu's twin, is an entirely different story. even in highschool, he was never someone you were able to understand. and nothing about him ever made any sense. even after all the time that has passed, that remains the same.

it's like he pays too much attention to you, but at the same time―none at all. you don't get it.

suit yourself atsumu had said, putting his hands on his hips as his eyes traced over you―watching keenly as you found a place to sit off to the side. you can just be my cheerleader instead.

your scowl had been instantaneous. feathers ruffled, you planted yourself down on your beach chair and forced yourself not to give atsumu the time of the day. a challenge, when he's possibly the hottest person you've ever seen. he carries himself differently than osamu, and you wonder if that's what makes you so drawn to him.

you aren't sure if you want to know the answer. what does that say about you, being attracted to boys with bad attitudes and piss colored hair?

"i don't hear any cheerin" atsumu drawls out, when he catches you staring for maybe the third time in a row. you scowl again, and cross one long leg over the other, body language clearly expressing your displeasure.

the star sand, in the end, isn't made up of anything mythical―not like you had been expecting. you know magic isn't real, but still your mind had conjured up the idea that the star sand was made of remnants from magical stars. sand, star shaped or not, are made up of decomposed organisms.

your eyes slide once more towards atsumu. for once, he isn't looking back at you. people, famous volleyball athletes or not, are made up of the same things.

--

today had been taxing in a way it hasn't been in a long time. you woke up on the wrong side of the bed, plastered with heat and sweat. class fared no better, and you forced yourself to trudge through the lessons―completely fumbling when a professor suddenly cold-called on you.

the one time you decide to give yourself a few extra hours of sleep instead of keeping up with the reading, you make a fool out of yourself in front of everyone. you're sure no one even remembers it, or gives it a second thought. but you wouldn't know how to stop being so mean to yourself, even if you wanted to.

your day hadn't gotten any better. you spilled a cup of iced coffee all over yourself, tripped and skinned your knee, had a disastrous shift at onigiri miya (to the point where osamu sent you home early)―and to top it all off, passed out the moment you arrived back at your apartment, instead of working on a paper that was due the next day.

never again will i take a summer class, you think to yourself, as you stand sleepily in line at the nearby convenience store.

"you seem tired" a voice says, next to you. and you turn blearily to face atsumu miya himself. "you're in grad school, right?"

it's totally and completely unfair that he gets to walk around looking that perfect. if there is a god, it's clear that he has favorites. and you are most certainly not one of them. atsumu, on the other hand, is.

"i'm regretting taking summer classes" you explain, tracing the floor pattern with the toe of your beat-up sneakers. you don't want to delve too deeply into your issues, and you're unsure if atsumu even cares to listen. "it's―challenging. at times"

"it might be a busy day, but try to make some time for yourself. any time spent settling your mind is time well spent. staring pensively into that cup of tea for a few moments can be equally beneficial" says atsumu, reading off of his phone, tone unusually wise. "calm your mind, and your heart, and make it an at-peace day"

it's night. your brow arches, thoroughly concerned.

"what?" is all you say, looking at him.

"it's pretty straightforward you know" atsumu pouts―pouts. this whole infatuation...thing, would be a lot easier if he weren't so pretty to stare at. "just, keep it in mind, okay?"

"...okay" you promise, because what else can you even say at this point.

a grin spreads across his face, surprisingly genuine. you don't even want to begin to unpack what that might mean, so you don't. you pay for your things, and part ways outside of the entrance of the store, going in opposite directions.

you get back to your apartment. and you make yourself a cup of tea, staring at it in the snoopy shaped mug.

it does help you feel a bit better.

--

your favorite shifts at onigiri miya are the morning ones. well, late morning and the beginning of the rush hour. you and osamu typically chat politely, where he asks about the different events happening in your life. neither of you seem to have many friends and you're all the more glad for the easy friendship you have with him.

this morning had been passed in comfortable silence, both of you in separate parts of the shop, working.

that is, until osamu sticks his head to the front of the shop and throughs a wrench in your entire life. "you know you could just talk to him"

"huh?" you say ineloquently, serving spoon held above the rice. it dawns on you pretty quickly, what osamu is saying and you don't have to look at him to know that he knows. still, you lie and reply with, "i have absolutely no clue what you're talking about"

"really? because 'tsumu's standing right there" your head snaps up. atsumu is not there. you turn to glare at osamu, who only laughs loudly at your expense. "god you're easy"

"i'm going to quit" you threaten, though both of you know that isn't the case. osamu only laughs louder. "i don't deserve this treatment"

the bell jingles overhead. "what treatment?" atsumu says, in the flesh this time―fresh from a jog. both you and his twin look surprised. speak of the devil, they say, and he shall appear. "osamu you better be treating your best employee with the utmost respect!"

"i don't even treat you with the utmost respect" osamu drawls, before heading into the back of the shop so he doesn't have to hear his twin's response.

atsumu, thoroughly annoyed, stalks to the front. he stares down at you through the separation glass and smiles. "good morning. doing better?"

"uhhh" you say, awkwardly, staring at him. or trying not to stare at him. he's wearing a tank top today and you can feel your brain shutting down. eventually, your brain reboots itself and you remember what it is he wanted to know. "yes―the tea helped. thanks for that"

"no problem" atsumu replies, and rattles off his usual weekend morning order. two spicy tuna and two yaki. he watches you make them with eerily focused eyes―like it's his first time ever seeing anyone make onigiri or something.

you make your way to the cash register, and atsumu follows. his eyes land on your latest issue of the petrology society journal. "you've been reading those a lot."

your eyes, naturally, also track to the magazine. you usually like to read to pass the time when there's no customers in sight. but being noticed, perceived, by atsumu of all people, makes you feel suddenly too-conscious. you try to remind yourself of the star sand, and how it's just like regular sand. atsumu is just another person. no need to get so worked up about it.

"every time i see you, your nose is usually in it" atsumu says―unaware of the effect it has on you. he points to the cover. "do you know what kind of rock that is?"

"basalt" you gurgle out, avoiding his stare.

atsumu's eyes light with understanding. "looks kinda like gravel to me" he lifts his gaze to you once more. "is that a rock? gravel?"

you pretend to think on it―like you haven't covered that topic on one of your earlier issues weeks ago.

"gravel's made up of a lot of other crushed rock" you explain, eyeing him. he's looks genuinely interested. "usually limestone, sandstone and basalt"

atsumu smirks, victorious, and snaps his fingers. "i knew it"

he did not 'know it'. you hand him onigiri with a small smile and a shake of your head anyway.

--

osamu, atsumu, their friends and a handful of new faces you don't quite recognize are playing volleyball in an indoor gym. once again, osamu has extended an invitation to you―but you learn that atsumu has asked that you be there as well.

this time, you bring along an ice cooler, stashed with water bottles. you don't really know what volleyball players eat to conserve energy and after classes sucking the joy from your body, you didn't feel too up to making anything. but they seem overjoyed at the snacks you've brought anyway.

what excites a bunch of grown adult men about mere trail mix and greek yogurt, you'll never understand. but if it means everyone likes it, then you're happy. you're chatting with a few siblings and close friends of the players and you're having so much fun you haven't bothered to pick up your magazine once. but its tucked into your crossbody bag, pressing up against your side as a gentle reminder of its presence.

watching them play volleyball is fun all on its own, too. atsumu and his brother play on the same team, playfully bickering with one another. and then atsumu's eyes search through the small gathering of people watching until they land on yours. he slaps the back of osamu's shoulder and jogs off the court before he can retaliate.

"give me your hands" atsumu says, instead of greeting you like a normal person.

you, predictably, do no such thing. instead, you shoot him a cautious look, cradling them to your chest. "i'm not doing that"

atsumu rolls his eyes. "just do it"

he holds his hands out, expectant. side-eying him, you comply. he takes hold of them―touch surprisingly gentle. his hands are warm, but aren't sweaty like you'd expect. he turns your palms over, and his eye's scan over them, studying them.

there's not much else for you to do, but join him. you look at your palms, trying to see what he see's. if he's seeing anything at all.

"you know, by looking at your hands, i'd say you would make a pretty good spiker" he says, and then, cryptically―"a twist in your plans will lead to unexpected joy. embrace the change"

"what are you, miya-san, you aren't making much sense at all" you say, trying not to give away how much you like it when he gently starts to trace over your palm lines with his thumb.

atsumu holds up one of your hands, comparing it to his own. "your palms and your fingers are proportional―see? signs of a good hitter they say"

that sounds like you made it up, you want to say, but don't.

"and the last part―it was your horoscope this morning" he says, continuing to make less and less sense. why does he know your horoscope in the first place? does he check it periodically, or is this a spur of the moment thing? the two of you are still holding hands. what does any of this mean?

i didn't know atsumu was into this kind of stuff, you think to yourself, as you stare at his hands in return. you suppose you aren't the only one with new, emerging interests.

"and what do your hands say?" you reply instead, hoping that he doesn't pull away.

atsumu snorts, and this time, places his in yours. "well i guess you can check. not that you know what you're looking for"

"well explain it to me then" you retort with a roll of your eyes, turning his palms over in your hands, like he had done with yours. you hear the hitch of breath that follows, before you see it.

"well my fingers are slightly longer and that means they're unproportioned to my palms" he explains, matter of factly. you stare more pointedly at his hands, so you don't have to look up into his face. "so you could say i would make a good middle blocker"

"but you're not" you say, frowning.

"i'm not" atsumu confirms, smirking at you―like it's a fond secret the two of you share. someone laughs in the background, surely not at the two of you, but he pulls away anyway, running a hand through his hair.

"is it really that hard for you to want to cheer for me?" he asks suddenly, staring at you.

confusion falls upon your face. every time it seems that you finally have a handle on the conversation, atsumu has to flip them so that you remain ever puzzled. "huh?"

"i always ask you to. cheer for me, i mean." he explains, uncharacteristically looking away. "but you never do. you cheer sometimes for osamu, or suna. oran especially."

you wish for the contact of his hands again. "i didn't think you were serious. i'm sorry"

it dawns on you then, that he has. nearly every time they play, in fact. he asks without fail. but you assumed it was a joke, or something.

"try it next time?" he asks, 100% serious, ignoring the way his team calls out for him. you have a feeling this isn't about the cheering anymore. but it's like you're missing several pieces of a particularly large and complex puzzle. in other words. you have no idea what it is that atsumu means behind his words.

"okay" you say, because what else is there to say?

atsumu beams, and jogs back onto the court.

--

osamu says he's going to head out to go pick up some supplies. he returns forty-minutes later with no supplies and with atsumu in tow, flanked on the other side by suna.

"hi atsumu, hi suna" you greet, waving, closing your magazine. "are you guys getting anything?"

suna and osamu look to be in much higher spirits than atsumu, who looks seconds away from puking. he doesn't. suna leans close to whisper in his ear, and atsumu glares at him fiercely―trying to turn around to leave the store. osamu doesn't let him, looking all too cheerful to push him towards you.

you decide you really don't want to know what shenanigans the three of them are up to.

"your usual, miya-san?" you ask again, putting on a pair of serving gloves.

atsumu spares another look at his brother, before shuffling forwards half-a-step. he rubs nervously at the back of his neck, avoiding your gaze. "there's a market. for crystals and stuff, about an hour from here in osaka. it's here for two weeks and i wanted to know if you wanted to go with me"

then, looking up at the ceiling of all things, continues. "it'll have other stuff too. like horoscopes and fortune telling."

you don't really need the extra information. you figured that sort of thing would be there. but horoscopes are kind of atsumu's thing. you're pleased he wants to share it with you―even if you find it a little cool as well.

"sure" you smile "sounds fun"

atsumu looks as though he could faint. or puke. or maybe do some combination of the two. but his color improves, and he gives you a small smile in return, shockingly bashful.

he peers down at you, shedding all of his strange behavior. "okay. great. tomorrow? i'll pick you up"

"tomorrow works for me, miya-san" you reply, good-naturedly.

atsumu turns and leaves onigiri miya without another word.

"you should dress nice" suna says, oddly, once he's completely gone. osamu's too busy typing madly on his phone to interject, so you look at him strangely. now he is starting not to make sense.

--

you do dress nicely. so much so, that atsumu compliments you on it at least four different times before you can even make it to the marketplace. i like your hair, it's cute. pretty, like your skirt. things like that. you don't know what to make of it.

"are you excited?" you ask, once the security guard hands the two of you wristbands.

atsumu clasps his on deftly, but signals for you to hold out your wrist once he notices you struggling. you try not to jerk in place every time his fingers graze your skin―but you aren't sure how successful you are at keeping a straight face.

"shouldn't i be asking you that?" he asks, raising his brows in confusion. he doesn't wait for you to answer, tugging you along by the hand in the direction of one of the booths.

"oh i recongize this one" you tell him, pointing down at a jagged stone. "its called chalcedony. i read about it a few days ago. it's a type of cryptocrystalline"

"a what?" atsumu asks, shoving his hands in his pockets as he stares down at the stone with a puzzled expression. it's cute on him, the casual bewilderment. he looks at it like he's trying to place where he's seen it before.

"a cryptocrystalline" you repeat, smiling at him. much easier to do when he isn't looking at you. "it means you can only tell that it has the structure of crystalline when its under a magnifying glass"

atsumu hums, pleased. "cool", he says, and browses the rest of the booth with you. once you're done with that one, poiting out all of the stones and rocks you've read about―atsumu pulls you along to the next one, eager to repeat the process. he's seems interested in what you have to say, asking questions to pick your brain for more information when he senses you might be holding out on him.

"i'm glad i heard about this" he brings up, as you walk away from a food stall―matching bowls of yakisoba in hand. "i read yesterday that opportunity only seizes those who are ready to take it and that i need to take the fearful leap"

you stop a stray noodle from landing on your crisp yellow cardigan, looking over at him. "what?"

atsumu's eyes are on yours. "my horoscope" he says, like it means something important.

"oh!" you exclaim, once realization hits you "i'm surprised you've gotten so into horoscopes and fortune telling"

a odd look crosses his face. "i'm not―you are"

"no i'm not" you tell him. "why would you think that?"

atsumu's face heats. "well, you're always reading about the rocks. the crystals and gemstones"

"i like petrology. not crystals and gems" you explain, unable to hide your smile. "it's about rocks in general. like their origins or what they're composed of"

you remember all of atsumu's cryptic words, odd, strange ways of speaking. the sage advice in the store that one time. they were horoscopes. before you can stop it, you burst out laughing. you try to muffle it into your arm, but the sound escapes anyway.

"that's what you were meaning with all those weird things you kept saying?" you ask, once you've managed to stop laughing. "i thought you were trying to―i don't know, warn me of my ominous and impending doom!"

"i wasn't" atsumu pouts, tossing his unfinished yakisoba into the trash. "i was trying to find something to start a conversation with you. i didn't know how else to tell you i liked you"

your amusement dries up and your throat closes up. your eyes look around, at everywhere else but him.

"...are you going to say anything?" atsumu asks, looking like the boy you remember from highschool.

"i―uh. i like you too" you stammer out, staring down at your shoes. it's shockingly easy to do. logically, you knew there was always a small, small chance that he would reciprocate your feelings, always in the most pleasant of dreams.

in them, atsumu would blush (much like he is now) and ask "are you sure?" much like his is now.

and in your dreams, you would throw your arms around his neck and kiss him. or confess your undying love and attraction to the most strangest boy you've ever known. but like the star sand, and so many other rocks you've learned about, reality does not end up like your wistful imagination.

"i'm sure" you nod, and gingerly reach for his hand. "do you want to keep looking around?"

atsumu beams. squeezes your hand in his own. it feels better than any of your dreams could have ever conjured up. "'course i do"

© amalainse -- do not copy, steal or plagiarize my works.

[animehideout]

Hello! can you do a scenario with gojo x reader who simps out loud for him

like she says the craziest shit she would do to him infront of everyone and they look at her like she crazy 💀

like she says "Gojo could slash me across the back with a belt and make me flow on the inside out"

and everyone just whips their heads at her and just give her that look😭😭😭

(BRO IDK IF THAT WAS ME BEING WERID OR SIMPING💀💀💀)

Gojo Satoru X Simp/Flirty Reader.

a/n: Thank you @bootyholeater for this request, I had do much fun writing it💗. I hope you like it tho 🥹🫶🏻

WHERE ARE MY GOJO SATORU SIMPS AT?

warnings: fluff overload with some smutty flirting 🫦.

No one ever managed to make the famous Gojo Satoru blush, let alone stutter.. but guess what?.. You did ! Congratulations 👏🏻.

Both of you are Jujutsu high students, spending the day face to face with him made you fall head over heels for him.

He was your type, he was literally the male version of you but add a lot of boldness.

Because you would openly simp for him, in public, in private, even during Yaga sensei class.

“ So class, you'll be paired up for a mission. Y/n and Geto both of yo-”

“But Sensei, I wanna be paired up with Gojo!!”

“huh, any reasons?”

“IDK, he's hot” you'd shrug.

Let's say simping shamelessly is your love language.

You'd literally be armed with a repertoire of pickup lines reserved for him.

And your pickup lines never fail in making him grin from ear to ear.

You'd flip your hair around him a lot.

Literally teasing a tease.

A light touch on his arm that'll flutter his heart.

When you're with your classmates, you'd literally say the dirtiest shit ever.

You'd be spending the evening with them when you started your flirting duty.

“Do you know that 70% of your body is water?” you'd pause shifting your gaze to Gojo, “And I'm 100% thirsty”

“Really y/n? We thought you're sharing a scientific fact but I guess flirting with Gojo is more important” said Shoko shaking her head.

Gojo would burst into uncontrollable laughter.

“Two peas in a pod, I swear to god” Exclaim Geto.

“What was your technique again y/n?”

“Baby-making technique wanna help in that.. Satoru?” you'd say with a wink.

“Nice blindfold Satoru, did you get rid of your sunglasses?” Asks Geto.

“yeah nice blindfold, wanna try that on me Satoru?”

“Seriously y/n? Again?”.

He loves the way you say his name, and loves your soft giggles.

He would turn off his infinity when you're around cuz he knows you get extremely touchy with him and FUCK he loves that.

“So what's you'll favorite food?” asked Geto.

“Oh, I'm a sweet tooth , I really enjoy sweets”

“Damn what a coincidence Gojo, me too. I enjoy sweets especially lollies, I enjoy sucking them”.

Geto would get his ass up and leave, he's so done with you.

You're literally unfazed by any awkwardness.

You don't care if your flirting comes out as cringe or cheesy, you said what you said and don't give a fuck as long as you're expressing yourself.

But 90% of the time your flirting is smooth ( like butter ).

You'd challenge him into a duel of pickup lines.

Literally made his jaw drop from all the raunchy lines you were directing to him.

“Your lap looks so inviting, inviting me to sit on it and roll my hips till we can't take it no more”

You'd never shy away, despite you being serious when you flirt with him, you always manage to create an atmosphere of lightheartedness for both of you ( definitely not others cuz they're whether cringing or shaking their heads in disappointment).

You'd always incorporate humor into your flirtation to the point that he thought that you're only joking and not really into him.

Geto would do you a favor and knock some sense into him, making him realize that you're actually giving him hints and not teasing him just for fun.

“Can't believe you're this dense Satoru”

“I- I thought she was just being playful”

The moment he knew, you had actual feelings behind your flirting, you'll start having an intense effect on him.

Geto would start teasing him, leading the conversation on to get you to flirt with him.

“So y/n who do you think is more handsome, me or Satoru?”

“Well Suguru you're handsome of course, but Satoru is the typa handsome that I would let him spank me with his belt and make me flow on the inside out”.

Their mouths would hang open from your extreme dirty simping.

His face would be crimson red, exposing him and betraying his attempt to look unfazed.

But he couldn't hide it, the effect you had on him was stronger.

“Satoru blushing? No fucking way” Said Shoko.

Geto is the sweetest he would help you with it.

After class you'd play Spin The Bottle and he managed to get you both together.

Would shove you both inside the closet, barely containing both of you.

He's a giant, big boy ( I need A big BoOoY).

You'd smirk “Finally, my moment has come”.

( I mean I'd pass out of excitement if I had 7 minutes in heaven with GOJO SATORU).

“So um D-do you h-hav”

“Why are you stuttering Gojo?”

“Fuck it” he would mutter, slamming his lips on yours, kissing the living shit out of you.

“Is this what you wanted huh?” he'd ask.

“Well if I'm being honest...I want more” you'd say with a mischievous smile.

[nightghoul381]

Ellis Twilight~ Main Route Chapter 4 Premium Avatar Challenge

Disclaimer for route warnings | Masterlist

Additional Content Warnings: Ellis' sprite at the beginning is a bit unsettling

This a fan translation so it is definitely not 100% accurate. I do not own anything related to Ikemen Villains. Support Cybird by buying their amazing stories!

Ellis: “How happy are you right now?”

I answered the question posed to me from the twilit-light with a big smile.

Kate: “I feel like my life could end right now!”

Ellis: “…I see.”

Ellis: “Then, how about I end it?”

(Eh…?)

Suddenly, cold ripples spread across my dreamy heart, as if a drop of darkness had fallen.

(End it…)

(My life?... He’s kidding, right?)

I couldn’t tell from the tone of his voice whether he was joking or serious, so I tried to focus on Ellis’ expression.

However, his face was obscured by the illumination of the setting sun and I couldn’t see it.

The strange feeling I had the night when we met came back to me.

It was as if the person who was laughing next to me just moments ago was a different person than the one in front of me—I had a strange feeling in my chest.

Kate: “Ellis…?”

At that moment, the sun completely set behind the building and the light suddenly disappeared—

Ellis: “mm?”

Ellis and I were swallowed up by the same shadow.

Then, I finally was able to see his expression.

Ellis: “…Kate? Is something wrong?”

(Oh it’s… it’s Ellis as usual.)

Ellis was smiling the same smile I knew.

Kate: “Hehe… please don’t make such a joke all of a sudden. I was shocked.”

Kate: “Right now, I’m so happy I don’t care if my life ends…”

Kate: “But tomorrow might be happier, so it’s okay.”

Ellis: “…I see.”

Kate: “I should return to the castle to properly report on my first mission.”

Kate: “Also, I have to thank you, Ellis, for making me so happy.”

Ellis: “Me?”             

Kate: “Please tell me about what you like, Ellis. Then I can make you happy tomorrow.”

Ellis: “…”

Ellis’ eyes widened a little in surprise, then he smiled softly.

Ellis: “…Yeah, thanks.”

Ellis: “But Kate, the formal language has come back.”

Kate: “Huh?...Oh, right.”

(Just now, he seemed like a different person… I guess I just got defensive.)

(The reason I felt that way was because I was fooled by the twilight.)

Kate: “So, Um… Can you tell me about what you like, Ellis?”

Ellis: “I like looking for a delicious restaurant… I guess.”

Ellis: “If I know a lot of different shots, I can introduce them to a lot of people and make them happy.”

As I had learned over the last two days, Ellis gave a familiar answer.

(I guess I could say it seems like Ellis, but…)

Kate: “Is there something you do to make yourself happy, regardless of other people’s happiness?”

Ellis: “—No.”

(Eh…)

He didn’t seem to think or hesitate even for a moment.

Ellis: “What I want to do is help others.”

Kate: “Right, okay…”

He stated it clearly and I nodded, even though I was confused.

Considering his actions, it was a natural response.

(But—Is there nothing he wants to do for himself, not for anyone else…)

Perhaps something happened that made him want to be of service to others so strongly.

(If we stay together like this, maybe someday you’ll tell me.)

(If that day comes, I’ll be happy.)

Anyway… What I want to do now is thank Ellis for taking me to the play I wanted to see.

Kate: “So, what’s your favorite food?”

Ellis: “I’ll eat anything… but I especially like buttery toast and cranberry jam.”

Kate: “Hehe, I like that too. I’ll make a note of it.”

Ellis: “Oh, and I also liked the baguettes from the shop you had recommended, Kate.”

(Ellis likes toast with lots of butter, and cranberry jam.)

(And the baguette from the shop I recommended… huh?)

Kate: “Ellis… did you just answer in a way that would make it easier for me to thank you?”

Ellis: “I didn’t…. It’s all true.”

Ellis: “I was happy when you told me earlier that you wanted to make me happy.”

Ellis was smiling as if to reassure me.

The last light of day is sucked into the horizon, and the light of the street lamps emerges from the gloom.

Even the beguiling remnants of the twilight sky were completely swallowed by darkness.

(For some reason, it suddenly got dark.)

My anxiety grew as the darkness approached, and I walked a little faster.

Ellis: “…”

Suddenly, slender, supple fingertips touched my hand.

Kate: “Ellis…?”

Ellis: “We’re lovers who have proven our love, so let’s hold hands and go home.”

Kate: “Lovers?”

(That’s right…)

Kate: “…like from Bill’s show, right?”

Ellis: “Exactly.”

The fingertips that touched me entwined with my hand, wrapping around me as if to protect me from the darkness of the night.

Ellis: “If you don’t like it, please let me know… But if you don’t mind, I’d like to keep connected like this.”

Kate: “…Why?”

Ellis: “So that you won’t get anxious.”

The way Ellis held my hand was gentle, almost soothing.

Just a moment ago, during the show, he reassured me when I was anxious.

Ellis: “…You don’t like it?”

Kate: “Uh…”

There’s no way I wouldn’t be happy about the kindness shown just for me.

(I can’t imagine not liking something like this.)

Kate: “No… it’s okay.”

Ellis: “Hmm, good.”

The warmth of our connected hands felt so good that my heart began beating fast.

Ellis: “I thought this earlier today too, but your hands are so small, Kate.”

Kate: “Is that so? Maybe your hands are just big.”

Ellis: “I see, I’m big.”

The innocent conversation was somehow funny and laughter naturally flowed between us.

(…it’s strange.)

(When I’m with Ellis, my heart races but I also feel at peace.)

Kate: “I should have asked you sooner about the things you like, Ellis?”

Ellis: “Why?”

Kate: “If I had gone shopping while the store was open, I could have said thank you tomorrow morning.”

Ellis: “… I quite like holding hands with you.”

Kate: “Huh…?”

Ellis: “As a thank you, this might be fine.”

My grip tightened, and my heartbeat became faster again.

Kate: “I don’t think it’s enough to thank you… for the theater tickets…”

Ellis: “Really? I don’t think so.”

Ellis: “… You don’t have to be in such a hurry.”

Ellis: “There’s still time until the promised month is up.”

Ellis: “Me too… I’ll do my best to make you even happier.”

Whispers like sweet, sweet jam and the warmth of palms pressed together.

I walked down the street at night with thoughts like that filling my head.

Leaving behind the memories of twilight.

Next Chapter

[starlightlacrimosazpsff]

♧ 𝓑𝓮𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓭 𝓪 𝓟𝓻𝓮𝓽𝓽𝔂 𝓜𝓪𝓼𝓴 ♧

CO-WRITTEN WITH: @heiayen EVENT HOSTED BY: @soleillunne

SYNOPSIS:

Being a spy has its own set of challenges. Being a spy for a vigilante group, in a nation ruled by corrupt officials that dare to usurp the rightful authority of governance, is at an entirely different level of difficulty. You decided to accept the job of spying on a pretty boy from Inazuma, suspected to be a threat for being an accomplice with a dangerous diplomat from Snezhnaya whom was also an exile from your own nation. Due to your own hubris, you may have just earned a new archnemesis.

ENTRY TYPE: Event Submission, GN!Reader

WARNING(S): fight scene with a bit of blood, descriptive violence, degrading language, etc...

CHARACTER: Scaramouche

•

•

•

Curse the gods and curse the heavens, this was the last time you signed yourself up for a bigger job! A political affair, maybe something bigger—Inazuma’s most important politician’s son is possibly colluding with one of Snezhnaya’s worst politicians. No one knew why and to make it worse, there was quite the chance whatever they were planning was in one way or another related to the very nation you lived in for years now: Sumeru. Frankly, it was a mess...

…and somehow, you managed to put yourself in the middle of it.

Everyone got concerned when Alhaitham first brought the news to light because no one knew what it would mean for Sumeru. The rulers here were not to be trusted, willing to do gods know what for their own gain. That was also why this group got created, to stand against them and fight for what was right. You offered to spy on him and, yes, you were greeted with objections from Nilou and Cyno— both claiming it would be too dangerous for you. However, in the end, you got the green light.

—and, oh, how bad of an idea it was.

Scaramouche had perfected the act of a corrupt politician's innocent son who did no wrong, and could not be judged by his mother’s crimes when he has proven to be different. He was polite to others, always with a gentle expression on his face. When you first started the job, you could not even believe that this man could possibly be planning something terrible.

Most importantly, he was really pretty.

You knew it should not matter to you, no; but you seriously could not believe someone with a face like his could be a bad person. Then again, they do say not to trust a pretty face.

Ignoring your inner crisis, the job was not that bad at first. Yes, it was pricey because Scaramouche was often a guest of expensive places; and you therefore got the chance to eat expensive food, drinks and just enjoy the life of luxury. It was not with your money either, because all of that was covered under mission expenses by Alhaitham. He did scold you to not order dishes that are too expensive, or you will be the one paying for them. You listened because you knew he absolutely meant it. Still, it was great to enjoy the life of the rich for once. Obviously, it was not all that pretty every time; and sometimes, you would just spend hours walking around with your camera while trying to spot Scaramouche and see what he was doing or if he was talking with anyone.

It was fun, until it was not.

The serenity that surrounded him, combined with the gentleness of everything he did was driving you mad. You were having a hard time genuinely believing that he was behind any kind of political affairs. He literally was so polite to an older waiter in a restaurant! You sat in your chair, staring in shock until another waiter placed food on your table.

There was just no way.

🦋

There was a way, actually.

It was sunny that day when you were simply sitting and observing him again. Nice weather, nothing was happening. You could have just spent this day at home, chilling; but alas, you still had a man to spy on. You could not rest until you were 100% sure that nothing threatened Sumeru, especially when two influential individuals from different nations are suspected to be behind said threat. Fortunately, it seemed that the heavens finally listened to you and you got a lead.

As you sat in a spot high enough to avoid being noticed, you suddenly noticed Scaramouche grab his phone. You wasted no time turning on your camera and zooming in to clearly capture his face.

It…was new.

That usually calm expression of his dropped and got replaced by a scowl. It was a new expression of his, one that you have not seen at all, so you watched him closely with blatant curiosity. Whoever he was talking to, they have clearly angered him—judging by the furrow of his brows and his lips curved into a frown. He yelled too, you noticed; and despite being no lip-reader, you could swear the words he yelled out were insults and curses. Somehow, a part of you felt satisfaction watching the person you were observing for weeks lose their cool completely.

You fought a smirk creeping on your lips. You could not explain why.

You shook your head and brought your attention back to him. The call went on for a few minutes before he ended it with a spat of insults, or so you guessed.

While you had no idea what he was talking about on the phone or if it was in any way related to your current mission, it was still a move.

Guess you should update Alhaitham about it…

🦋

The heavens were on your side for once. When you returned, you handed the recording to Alhaitham. Some time afterwards, you received the transcript of Scaramouche’s conversation. Some of the words were missing since he just was not able to lip-read them, but you were grateful for his work either way. You were even more grateful for the news that came with the transcript.

Scaramouche was, indeed, talking with the very person you and your team suspected: Il Dottore. In Snezhnaya, he was known for his questionable morals, to say the least...and work ethics. There was a saying that if anything was going wrong, it was probably his fault. He studied at Sumeru’s academy but was ultimately expelled and banned from the nation.

For the sake of your sanity, you did not ask why.

However, all this gave you a clear image of upcoming troubles if you did not act in time. You did not know the details yet, but knowing that someone as unpredictable as Il Dottore was related to the case—

You blinked. This was no good.

You looked back at the transcript.

According to it, Scaramouche and Dottore were meant to meet soon at some party for rich people which was actually great for you. You could spy on both suspects at the same time, after all. You knew it would be hard, but even the tiniest chance of getting any more information was worth the risk that came with it. Who knows? Maybe Scaramouche would yell some important details in some fit of anger, and you would overhear it…

That would be the ideal scenario, but not likely to happen.

You liked to dream sometimes.

Also, yes, you were right about the fact he was yelling curses...and insults. Plenty of them even, to the point where Alhaitham—according to the small note he left—just refused to write them down. You laughed to yourself upon reading said note.

Somehow, you could not help but feel… excited at the thought of meeting him.

It was weird. You could not give it a name, but you somehow became too intrigued and personally fascinated with him for your own good. You wanted to meet him, talk to him, and see the carefully crafted mask of politeness with your own eyes. You wanted to see it slip, see a part of the real him come out.

The ugly side that he tried so hard to hide from everyone.

Be the reason the mask slipped.

…gods. Maybe it was your sign to rest for the day. With even more questions and even fewer answers, you got up from the desk and started packing up your things.

The party was this week, after all. You should start preparing.

🦋

Dining in expensive restaurants was one thing.

Attending expensive parties full of important people was another.

Getting an invite for yourself would be hard, given how—well, you were not that important in society. Alhaitham was, on the other hand, so you simply went as his plus one. It was honestly not a bad thing since, thanks to it, you had someone to call for help in case anything went down.

You hoped nothing would.

The first part of your plan was—

“Oh! Are you alright?” A voice asked. You blinked and looked at just who exactly you bumped.

You blinked again. Oh.

You only ever saw him in pictures and from a distance, so only now you realized how…genuinely pretty he looks. He is so beautiful that he could pass as a vintage doll, very pretty.

Too pretty for a human, you would dare to say.

“Yes, yes...! I’m sorry for bumping into you.” You said, smiling.

Scaramouche smiled back, although something was off about it.

“Are you here alone?”

“Oh no, no…!” You shook your head, “I’m with my friend.”

You wondered how many questions he could ask and how many answers you could give him before it would get suspicious. You try to subdue your body language to absolute neutrality to cover your tells.

“Where is your friend?”

“He’s…” You looked around. Truth be told, you actually had no idea where Alhaitham was, “...somewhere?”

“What a friend he is, to leave you alone at a party.” He clicked his tongue and shook his head, “Mind if I keep you company?”

Oh, no.

“There’s no need.” You waved your hand, “You must be busy yourself, I don’t want to waste your time.”

You did not want to risk anything by spending even more time around him. Your plan was simple: it was to bump into him, stick the little microphone to his clothes, and happily listen to his conversation with the Snezhnayan politician. Once that was done, you deactivate the bug so it does not get traced back and you can go back to headquarters in Sumeru with Alhaitham discreetly.

You did the first part and managed to stick the microphone to the inner edge of his suit. Now, you planned on leaving as fast as possible; but alas, that did not happen.

“I insist.” He smiled wider.

A shiver ran down your spine.

You did not understand why he would insist on staying with you. From all the time you spent watching him, he did not seem like someone so willing to accompany a stranger for no reason. Even when he was wearing his gentleman mask, he would always avoid prolonged idle chats and act reserved in the background.

There was no way he somehow found you out, right?

“Well...?” He tilted his head, the curve of his lips dropping just a tad.

“If you insist.” You forced a smile.

His own grew back into a beaming grin.

You had a terrible feeling about it, but still let him lead you deeper inside his web.

“What’s your name?” He asked, and you gave him the first fake name you could think. You were not worried about him somehow calling your bluff. After all, how in the world would he find out?

You just hoped he would not ask about Alhaitham.

He hummed with a nod. “Your friend is…?”

“He’s a businessman!” You blurted out. Good gods, it was as if he read your thoughts and decided to make things harder! “He didn’t have anyone as his plus one, so asked me to come.”

“A businessman, you say?” He raised his eyebrows and you nodded.

“He’s a very busy man, so that’s probably why he left me alone here.” You figured that maybe rambling for long enough would buy you time to find a way of leaving, “He took over his parents’ company at a very young age and did very well, so obviously a lot of people admired him—huh?”

You turned your head at him when you heard him laugh under his nose. What was his problem?

“Do you always talk a stranger’s ears off?” Scaramouche questioned, a glint of amusement in his eyes.

“Well, I guess you’re special?” You shrugged; and before he could reply, you spoke again, “If you mind it, then maybe you should talk now? About yourself, maybe...?”

He looked at you and, somehow, you felt cornered by him in a room full of people.

“About myself...?” He chuckled lowly and leaned toward you, “Don’t you know it all already? Or maybe you’re not as good of a spy as you claim to be?”

You froze, stiffening from head to toe at his statement.

You were busted.

Scaramouche gracefully swiped a flute of champagne from a passing waiter. He keeps his eyes on you, the majestic midnight blue darkening into a burgundy shade. This is a glimpse into the true self you have been wanting to see, yet it sent chilling thrills throughout your body. To witness the seamless change between his hollow kindness to ominous threat, it almost made you flush with shame as a spy when you compared how his facade is legitimately smoother than yours.

“You sure hold a lot of confidence to spy on me,” he chuckled derisively, “yet you can’t even lie properly to save your life. Just from your rambling, I can tell you must have good backing. The downside is your supposed friend must be fairly recognizable. If you out him as your accomplice, your entire operation could fall.”

He took a sip from his glass, elegance blending perfectly with shrewd composure.

"The only smart thing here," he hums as he swirls the liquid, "is that plus-ones are not officially enlisted on the invitations. That means you get to hide your name from me, just a little while longer. That also means your friend gets to keep his dirty secret of being involved in these clandestine operations."

It was very impressive how he managed to deduce all that from one conversation with you. The sheer audacity that he was even laying it all out in the open for you showed how it barely made a difference to him. You have a lot to learn as a spy, it seems. This experience and encounter have just humbled you.

Scaramouche is quite a monster.

You shudder to imagine what it would be like to deal with Dottore.

“So, tell me.” He almost purred, “What’s your objective here, little mouse?”

You gaped incredulously, “Little mouse…?!”

Scaramouche blinked a few times, mocking a surprised expression.

“Oh, I’m sorry!” He teases haughtily, “I was trying to be nice but perhaps you prefer a more accurate nickname. How about a little fly? You sure love acting like one with how you kept hovering for the past few weeks just to get some dirt on me.”

You gritted your teeth as you glare at him, utterly humiliated and infuriated. He casually observes you from head to toe as he drinks the rest of his champagne. As he does, his other hand busied itself in dismantling the bug you implanted on him. With a smirk, he presents it to your face. He leans forward as if to intimately impart a secret.

“Not good at hiding your emotions either…” he notes tauntingly, “Am I your first job, little fly? Quite audacious of you, I must say.”

Your target sneers as he casually crushes the gadget in his fist, displaying an uncanny strength despite his delicate appearance. He drops it and stomps on the object for good measure, whispering to you. For the first time, you realize how dangerous Scaramouche could really be and how arrogant you have been by taking this job.

“You ain’t slick.” He laughs sharply, “How about I show you how it’s done?”

At that moment, he releases just a tad bit of killing intent that makes you instinctively shove him away from you without any coherent control over yourself. The rest of his champagne spills on your clothes, and he gasps—now playing the perfect gentleman again. He sets aside the glass on a nearby table, producing his handkerchief to wipe the stain on your arm and patting your torso lightly.

“A thousand apologies…!” Scaramouche said gently, “I didn't mean to startle you. It’s most fortunate the champagne did not spill too much on you.”

He then smiled so chivalrously that it made you blush. This man has a rotten personality yet his mask is flawless, especially with that pretty face! You know it is fake, a point being proven regarding how much he looks down on your own skills. In fact, because of this play, he has everyone’s attention now. He started the scene, and so he gets to control it—cornering you mercilessly.

“Go ahead.” His eyes seem to goad you, “Call for help from your friend. Let me see who else is behind your operations as I make you fall apart.”

To your credit, you managed to do the exact opposite. You were sure Alhaitham is also holding himself back from approaching for the same reasons. If you were going down, he cannot possibly reveal himself to Scaramouche and Dottore. It was all too clear you made too many mistakes when it came to spying on Scaramouche. The realization hurts your pride, but you have nobody else to blame but yourself. Thus, you did not resist as he touched your arm—deceptively tender as you feel his nails dig as a warning.

“Allow me to escort you to get cleaned.” Scaramouche offers gallantly.

It was not a request. Either you go with him, or he finds a way to hunt you down later.

You complied peacefully.

However, as soon as you are both out of sight and earshot, you will fight back. It was a shame you would have to bruise that pretty face, but the bastard deserves the hit.

He will pay for underestimating you.

🦋

Scaramouche saw your resistance coming.

In the dark of night away from the party, you turned your arm in such a way he was forced to bend his hold. With his balance off, you aimed your free fist towards his face but he dodged effortlessly—that pretty smile still on his face. Burgundy eyes gleam under the moonlight, as if pleased to see your spirit.

It was ironic how you had wished to be the reason Scaramouche’s mask falls off.

However, he was the one doing it to you.

That knowledge serves to piss you off even more as you lunge forward. Hit after hit, he dodges skillfully with the reflexes and agility of a graceful feline. At one point, he boredly taps your wrist away to misdirect your fist and proceeds to use your momentum against you by aiming his knee against your stomach. In a last minute maneuver, your body twirls in a way that would have made Nilou proud. As you fall, one of your hands plants on the ground to help you spin a kick towards his face. He raises his arms to block to which you swiftly flip away to gain some distance.

“Not bad,” Scaramouche smirks appraisingly, “it seems you’re not so hopeless after all.”

He flicks his wrists, showing that the power of your kick did not leave him unfazed. However, you paled a bit when he ended up producing a butterfly knife. Frankly, the tricks he displayed with it impresses you; but you quickly covered it up with a dark glower.

“Don’t pout, little fly~!” He coos in a sickeningly sweet tone, “If you’re dirty enough to intrude on my privacy, I’m dirty enough to use weapons on an unarmed person.”

You huffed, “You seem to put a lot of effort on someone you deem as an insignificant insect.”

He scoffs back at you, “Don’t flatter yourself. I just want to see you bleed for causing this much trouble for me.”

“If you kill me here,” you bluff, “you won’t have a way to cover it up.”

Scaramouche pauses before manic glee flashes in his eyes. He snorts before erupting into full chortles. His cheeks flush pink in genuine hilarity, lips spread wide open with laughter. It made him appear innocent, a young man who was having the time of his life. Alas, the context is darker than that for you. It shows from the glint reflected in those malicious amethysts that glare back at you.

“Why,” he chirps boyishly, “are you scared, little fly?”

He scowls bitterly, “You really think you’d be the first murder victim I’ve cleaned up in these sorts of gatherings. I have plenty of experience, and I know how to handle your type while making it look like an accident...or just have you go missing entirely.”

The blade in his hand glints menacingly as he points it at you.

Then, he attacks.

You sucked a breath through your teeth, flinching to instinctively dodge the stab he aimed at your eye. He is very fast! He is lightning fast, and fluid too. He was not just stabbing or mindlessly swinging. Every movement is precise and nimble, like an assassin who has eliminated all sorts of targets. For every swipe and thrust, he makes use of his entire body and especially his flexible wrist which flicks to aim at the slightest weakspot he sees within a blink. At one point, you manage to kick him back and his moment of shocked astonishment made your chest swell with pride. However, your smug grin immediately falters when he dashes at you while changing hands for his blade and vanishes in a split second—

—only to reappear behind you to hold your entire body in a chokehold, pointing the blade straight to your jugular. It applied enough pressure to cut, making you wince as your skin bled. His lips almost seductively graze your ear, chuckling softly.

“Give up, mousey.” Scaramouche murmurs.

You grunted, “Never.”

“Fine. Then perish.”

On cue, a smoke bomb drops by yours and Scaramouche’s feet. You did not hesitate to elbow him in the gut when his hold loosened in alarm and distraction. You then made a swift escape and barely dodged the blade that blindly flew past your cheek. It embeds onto the cobblestone pathway with a metallic clang. At the same time, your keen hearing detects the sound of a familiar bird call that can only come from the ever quick-witted Alhaitham. With a relieved sigh, you follow the sound into the darkness.

You need a drink as soon as you get back to headquarters.

🦋

Scaramouche silently stood alone in the garden.

He was leaning against a pillar, one hand in his pocket. He then holds up a vial of your blood to the moon, having collected it from the blade that nicked your cheek and neck. It was a meager sample but more than enough for Dottore to know everything about you once Scaramouche hands it over to him. The thought left a bitter taste of disdain in his mouth, but this is not his expertise and he wants results.

He wants to see you again.

Clacking footsteps made his ears twitch but he did not move from observing the crimson elixir as it glowed beneath the moonlit gaze.

“They got away.” Scaramouche informs the stranger coldly.

“Really now?” Dottore laughs humorlessly, “You’ve gotten soft.”

“Shut the fuck up!” The younger male hissed, “Let them and whatever company they keep have this false sense of security. It would be more advantageous for us anyway.”

He shoves the vial towards the unethical doctor, crossing his arms in haughty irritation. His dark burgundy eyes stared blankly at where he last saw you—held you in his arms, and felt shivers down his spine as you fought him with the ferocity of a wild beast.

“I know their type.” Scaramouche gruffly explains, “They would bite their own tongue rather than start talking. They make for a lousy spy based on their skills, but their attitude is stellar for the job.”

Dottore grins widely, “Ha! Careful there, Balladeer. You almost sound doting as you praise the vermin.”

Scaramouche gives him a murderous expression.

“Just get out of my sight!” He spat, “We’re done here.”

Unwilling to spend more time with his co-conspirator, Scaramouche makes himself scarce from the premises. One of his hands combs through his hair agitatedly before loosening his collar with a deep scowl. He can feel his arms bruising after the scuffle, making him laugh under his breath. You surely gave quite the fight even if he had no plans to really kill you tonight.

“Let the games begin, mousey.” He mumbled, “I do love a good chase.”

The Balladeer hopes you were better at running than spying.

It would be boring if he catches you too soon.

•☆••☆••☆•

[denimbex1986]

'David Tennant bounds into the room, friendly, super articulate and energetic.

The actor and Doctor Who favourite, regularly voted the best Doctor by fans, is set to appear once again as the Time Lord in the forthcoming 60th anniversary specials.

The ongoing actors' strike prevents him from talking about those (Doctor Who is now a BBC/Disney co-production and US actors' union Sag-Aftra has been on strike since July).

But we're together, in a room full of books and leftover croissants - clearly actors need sustenance - to talk about Shakespeare, a playwright Tennant calls a "genius" who "had a particular sense of what it is to be a human" and expresses it "in a way no one else really does".

Tennant, who is an associate artist with the Royal Shakespeare Company, is steeped in the Bard. One critic described his Hamlet, which aired on the BBC in 2009, as "theatrical history in the making".

He excelled as Romeo and Richard II and, when we met, had just finished his first day of rehearsals for an already sold out run of Macbeth at London's Donmar Warehouse.

He's no-nonsense about the superstition of only referring to this most atmospheric work as the "Scottish play". Tennant freely uses the word "Macbeth".

But he admits to terrible nerves ahead of the show - however successful you are, it never gets any better, he says.

Renowned actors have been in his shoes; famously Lord Olivier was Macbeth to Vivien Leigh's Lady Macbeth in 1955, Sir Ian McKellen and Dame Judi Dench had their turn in 1976 and Sir Antony Sher and Dame Harriet Walter in 1999.

For Tennant, Shakespearean roles are like "Olympic events for an actor".

"The idea that you're being invited to stand next to these greats and sort of challenge yourself, test yourself against them and see if you've got something new to bring to that… that's part of what's exciting about it."

West Lothian-born Tennant "always wanted to be an actor" (his childhood obsession with Doctor Who had a big part to play in that) and from the way people talked about the plays, "I knew there was something magical about Shakespeare."

But that didn't mean he was immediately hooked when introduced to Macbeth at school - although he's at pains to praise his teacher.

He says the plays were written to be performed and it's "a shame that the first experience of Shakespeare is sitting in a classroom, trying to mouth these words that don't sit in your mouth and don't necessarily make a lot of sense to you at the age of 14".

"That's why a lot of people fall out of love with Shakespeare before they've really had a chance to fall in love."

Tennant fell in love when TAG, a Glasgow theatre company, brought As You Like It to his school's assembly hall. "I didn't necessarily understand every word and some of it felt perhaps a little unnatural and foreign to me". But the teenage Tennant was transported "because it was live and it was happening".

Now his head is brimful of a play that opens with three witches plotting and takes us on a journey of murder and guilt. Tennant says Shakespeare's take is "incredibly modern".

"The way he expresses Macbeth's fear of never sleeping, the torture of being in the restless ecstasy of never being able to close your eyes."

Even for Tennant, though, Shakespeare needs decoding. He tells me, when he opens one of the plays, he "100%" puts the modern translation next to the old. He deciphers the language so theatre audiences don't have to.

"If we're doing our job halfway properly, you shouldn't have to worry about understanding every syllable. You will be transported by it."

There can, though, be layers of meaning that still surprise you 10 weeks into a run, he says. "Usually on a wet Wednesday afternoon matinee, you'll suddenly go 'oh, that's what that line means.'"

Macbeth is one of 18 Shakespeare plays that would have disappeared if, seven years after his death, the actors John Heminges and Henry Condell hadn't published their friend's greatest plays in the First Folio.

That book was the first time the plays had been put together.

Before then, only 18 had been printed, in small paperback editions known as quartos.

The First Folio was registered for publication on 8 November 1623.

There were 750 copies made. Without it, we could have lost all the unprinted plays, around half of Shakespeare's works, including not just Macbeth but Julius Caesar, The Tempest, As You Like It and Twelfth Night.

Four hundred years on, 235 original First Folios are known to survive - 150 are in the US, and about 50 in the UK and Ireland.

The BBC is running a huge amount of content to mark the 400th anniversary. The celebratory season will include the 2018 adaptation of King Lear starring Sir Anthony Hopkins, Shakespeare Live! from the RSC, and a semi-fictionalised comic drama on Radio 4 about the creation of the First Folio.

Tennant says: "The reason that those plays are still performed around the world and the reason that Shakespeare is the cultural colossus that he is, is because that book was published."...

For Tennant, Shakespeare is "weirdly modern" because he captures how complicated it is to be human.

"He writes about the moment he was in, which seems to, by dint of his genius, also be the moment we are in."

Tennant is one of the UK's most exciting actors, known to wider audiences not just for Doctor Who and Broadchurch, but his film role as Barty Crouch Junior in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

But you get the sense that there's even more magic, for Tennant, in performing Shakespeare.

It's why he is celebrating the anniversary of the First Folio, that book that was the first step in creating a legacy for the greatest playwright in the English speaking world.'

[green-alien-turdz]

Art tips for beginners? :3

I'm gonna try n be helpful here, but please keep in mind that I've been drawing my whole life, so I can't give you the perspective of someone who is just startin out.

1: Don't give up. Cheesy as fuck, I know. But you are gonna get pissed n fuckin angry when somethin doesn't turn out how you wanted it to. Don't let this discourage you! Use your mistakes and errors to keep on improving. There's no need to tear up drawings or delete anything that you aren't 100% satisfied with because you are growing in your abilities. AND TRUST that it is so rewarding to see your progress over time.

2: Challenge yourself n expect to hate it. Try all sorts of styles (cartoon, realism, or even just photo studies), do few details, do loads of details, do timed drawings, etc. Test the limits of what you can do. Similar to the previous advice, you need to allow yourself to be angry n hate the product that comes from this because you will eventually start finding your own creative style n process.

3: Don't pressure yourself beyond belief. You will not be an 'amazing' or 'visually appealing' artist from the get-go. If you are gettin burned out, allow yourself to take a break from time to time. With this though, once you start gettin more comfortable, even when you're burnt out creatively- I HEAVILY encourage you to keep doing small drawings OR other creative things to keep your mind going.

4: Experiment wit different mediums n shit like that! Explore! There is so many different forms of art to fuckin enjoy. Digital, traditional, watercolour, acrylic, clay, fuckin anything. When you get into non-digital mediums, keep cost in mind, but there are plenty of cheap alternatives that are great when you're startin out (also once you get 'better', you can control these much better, n they don't look like the initial cheap product). I personally use a lot of dollar tree shit n I used to steal from the art class in my school (but that was more out of necessity, if you can avoid it, please do. You can get in HUGE trouble if you're caught). But the main message is to experiment n try new things because there's so many different mediums out there.

5: Take in the world around you. Look at everything n think about how you could portray that in art. Really study the world. The faces people make when they don't think they're makin any, the grime that most people ignore building up on everyday objects, how people's body language says a LOT about how they feel, the way light casts in obscure ways, etc. Instead of just viewing the things around you, really look and take in the experience of bein human. Even impressionistic art holds these intricate details. You just have to be open to the experience.

6: Appreciate, but don't compare. I cannot stress dis shit enough, your art is your own, it is no one else's, so there's no need to harp on "oh this person draws x,y,and z better than me" n blah blah blah STOP! Dawg, you are doin your own shit, don't worry about if you're not on the same 'level' as others, or don't have the same 'capabilities' as some mfs. When you see other people's art, appreciate the things that they can do, but appreciate what you can do too! Especially when you're first really gettin your foot in the whole art shit, it is important to not judge your abilities compared to others who may have a lot more experience under their belt. I think it's totally okay to look at art n be like "oh that's super cool, I'd definitely like to improve on things like that", but never use it to put down your own art. This shit is subjective bro, you'll get to where you want to be. It takes a lot of time, it's not linear, but you WILL. It may not be how you expected it to look at first, but that's okay! Give yourself grace. Art is for you, at the end of the day.

You are gonna fight with yourself n the art itself, but that's totally normal! Art is one of the best forms of expression n I really hope the best for you. I know I was vague as shit n this isn't no tutorial on how to draw a realistic portrait or some shit- but that's because there's no right way to do this. Go balls to the walls or just dip your fuckin toes in. Approach it how you want, there's no right or wrong way to do art. I hope that this was somewhat helpful n I wasn't just spewin shit outta my ass n I truly wish you a good art journey

[secretlythepits]

Daunted

So, we have a new treatment plan. He will have 2 weeks of radiation and then after a brief pause, he will begin a clinical trial. In the end, we didn’t need to chose because the pace of his cancer made one option the best.

It feels good to have a plan, but the schedule is a nightmare. Having to drive 4 hours is a PIA. Gas and hotel will be covered, which is very helpful, but it’s a lot of days because they need blood draws a lot in between treatments. It’s hard to see how life will be. Getting the kids transportation to and from school will be a challenge. Everyone says they’ll help until you actually call.

Again, I feel like my life is being swallowed whole. I do not like this. I’m extremely limited on what I can do to prevent this from happening. Usually, when I see a problem repeating, I’d say, change yourself, change your response. But caregiving is its own beast. I do think I should figure out some routines and small boundaries I can keep within the madness. It’s hard though, because a lot of what gobbles me up is being the emotional support person. Opting out feels cold and wrong. Being 100% available makes me feel hijacked and aggressively defensive of my own life. Part of this is logistical work of figuring it out, but there is a watery boundary of learning how to not let my entire heart flow with this current. I need to figure out how be present and then leave a moment, because I am getting lost in the linger.

Not sure if that makes much sense, but working this out with language is helping me clarify things.

On another note, part of my wellness commitment is to not allow orange politics to hijack my peace of mind and attention. I feel like a lot of us lost 4 years of equanimity last time around. With my fragile nervous system, I can’t go down that road to cortisol. It will leave me unable to function. Still, it’s tough and stuff is creeping in so I want to express something. Here goes:

I have been surprised by how weak so many people are. It’s shocking and I would be so ashamed to be such a weakling. Who capitulates? How can you live with yourself if you do? My ancestry traces back to the Mayflower. My family has fought in every American war until the 90s and have held high ranks. We have an air force cadet right now. I am a revolutionary at heart. My first amendment rights are in the DNA of my spine that never bows down to anyone in authority.

To be so weak-minded. To have such a mutable character. I just can’t comprehend it. How could you face your kids knowing what a weak-willed dirtbag your soul is? Honestly, I just don’t get it.

I find it odd that these are my thoughts. I don’t think along these lines usually. It feels like a military mindset. I am more of a spiritual person and am nonviolent. But, my God, I know who I am. I know right from wrong. I know how to hold my center.

These people should be ashamed of their weakness. I hope that at some time in their life, they feel the impact of their spaghetti spines and that they tremble and can’t breathe from the shame of their actions.

And then I hope they get no relief.

Ever.

Not until the very last of the most vulnerable is made right and whole. And then, wait 100 years to give them a drop of grace.

Seriously, I had no idea it was hard to be strong and do the right thing. Or maybe, it’s just out of fashion.

Sheesh.

[eulogyfornobody]

Acceptance when you have Chronic Pain

I saw this video on Youtube of a psychologist (Dr. Diane LaChapelle) talking about acceptance when you have chronic pain. Here is a summary of it.

2 components of acceptance

Pain willingness -> involves recognizing that the pain or condition is chronic and that efforts to control or avoid it may not be effective.

Activity engagement -> encourages individuals to continue living their lives despite the challenges posed by their conditions.

Why it's so hard for people to accept

The term "acceptance" itself can be met with resistance. Patients expressed feeling defeated and hopeless when told to accept their conditions, interpreting it as giving up on the possibility of improvement.

Nuance of Acceptance

Acceptance is not a one-time thing - it's a nuanced, ongoing process that involves acknowledging the chronic nature of the condition, making lifestyle adjustments, and gradually redefining one's sense of normalcy. Acceptance fluctuates, with some days being more accepting than others.

Factors facilitating acceptance

Importance of a proper diagnosis.

Acknowledge chronic nature without giving in to despair.

Do and try what you need, but don't obsess over finding the cure

Use language that resonates: "coping with" or "dealing with."

Losses and emotional turmoil

Patients often experience a range of emotions, including disbelief, anxiety, depression, guilt, and anger.

The saddest thing about anger is that it's the people cloest to use that get the brunt of our anger and irritability - and this can cause a lot of problems in relationships. When you're in pain 24 hours a day, every little thing annoys you because you're always on edge

The losses associated with giving up activities and roles can lead to a profound sense of grief, impacting one's identity and contributing to emotional turmoil.

70-100% of individuals with chronic illnesses experience depression due to associated losses.

Identifying the losses

Figure out what the most distressing loss is

By pinpointing the most distressing aspects, individuals gain a starting point for managing associated emotions.

Expressing emotions is encouraged, be it through talking, journaling, or seeking professional support.

Strategies for Coping and Acceptance:

Identify Priorities and Core Values: Encourages individuals to reflect on their priorities and core values.

Take Responsibility for Changes: Actially MAKE the necessary changes in life based on identified priorities. Priorities can change based on symptoms, and it's important to make conscious decisions instead of going on auto-pilot.

Focus on Today and Practice Mindfulness: Recommends evaluating daily accomplishments in the context of the present, promoting mindfulness to shift focus from the past or future. Don't compare yourself now to the level of achievement you except in the PAST. Be compassionate and evaluate based on how you're feeling TODAY, and how you feel about what you've done today given that you're in X/10 pain.

Gratitude Journal: keep a gratitude journal to foster positivity and appreciation for daily achievements. Think of 3-4 things you are grateful about to end the day positively.

Embracing acceptance is vital in tackling chronic pain, helping to ease emotional distress, and paving the way for healthier coping mechanisms. It's about acknowledging and validating the emotions tied to pain, breaking free from the constant struggle, and gaining a more realistic outlook. Acceptance empowers individuals to adapt, stay engaged in meaningful activities, and avoid the pitfalls of catastrophic thinking.

[lauvra]

ChatGPT's list of 100 ways to avoid becoming bitter:

Practice gratitude daily.

Focus on the present moment.

Accept what you can’t change.

Let go of past hurts.

Set healthy boundaries with people.

Keep a positive mindset.

Celebrate small victories.

Forgive others, even when they don’t ask.

Stay connected to supportive people.

Avoid comparing yourself to others.

Practice self-compassion.

Take care of your physical health.

Be kind to yourself.

Set realistic expectations.

Take time for yourself.

Practice mindfulness or meditation.

Journal your feelings.

Talk to a therapist.

Learn something new.

Engage in hobbies that bring you joy.

Volunteer or help others.

Develop emotional resilience.

Express your feelings constructively.

Embrace change instead of resisting it.

Surround yourself with positive influences.

Accept compliments graciously.

Don’t take things personally.

Focus on solutions, not problems.

Laugh often and don’t take life too seriously.

Manage stress effectively.

Recognize and challenge negative thinking patterns.

Learn to say no without guilt.

Practice patience with yourself and others.

Cultivate a growth mindset.

Develop a sense of purpose.

Stay curious and open-minded.

Build a strong support system.

Engage in physical activities like exercise.

Give yourself permission to feel emotions without judgment.

Treat setbacks as learning opportunities.

Avoid holding grudges.

Release toxic people from your life.

Focus on your strengths, not your weaknesses.

Cultivate a sense of humor.

Work on improving your communication skills.

Find meaning in difficult experiences.

Take breaks to avoid burnout.

Treat others with kindness and respect.

Be mindful of your language and self-talk.

Appreciate the beauty in simple things.

Limit time spent on social media.

Challenge yourself to be more optimistic.

Focus on what you can control.

Share your feelings with trusted friends.

Give yourself time to heal after disappointments.

Let go of the need for approval from others.

Find joy in helping others succeed.

Recognize when you need a mental health day.

Seek professional help if needed.

Celebrate others’ successes.

Be generous with your time and energy.

Take responsibility for your actions.

Let go of perfectionism.

Acknowledge your accomplishments.

Accept that not everything is under your control.

Build emotional intelligence.

Practice self-care regularly.

Set personal goals that align with your values.

Cultivate a sense of gratitude for the people in your life.

Don’t dwell on mistakes; learn from them.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it.

Create a daily routine that includes things you enjoy.

Focus on the things that bring you peace.

Take time to recharge.

Choose to see the best in people.

Let go of resentment and anger.

Take responsibility for your happiness.

Reflect on your values and act according to them.

Avoid holding onto regret.

Invest in healthy relationships.

Develop empathy for others.

Stay true to your authentic self.

Learn to accept and appreciate your flaws.

Practice daily affirmations.

Avoid negative self-talk.

Set healthy boundaries with technology.

Focus on what you can give, not just what you can take.

Enjoy the present rather than constantly chasing the future.

Stop obsessing over what others think of you.

Be proactive in solving your problems.

Pursue your passions and interests.

Cultivate contentment in what you have.

Focus on what you can do today.

Avoid dwelling on past mistakes.

Develop a sense of humor about life’s challenges.

Keep learning and evolving.

Be willing to let go of things that no longer serve you.

Trust in the timing of your life.

Choose hope over despair.

Don’t let fear hold you back.

[lcvemiyuki]

hey hey could i be 🎀 anon get a matchup, please! i'm a virgo intp and i adore watching movies, the color pink, cats, music and makeup. i dislike people who make me cry, and are better than me at things i'm passionate about. i've been told that i'm a competitive person and that i can be very fun-loving and sweet. however, i always take drastic steps to fit in and make people like me, or push myself way too hard to be number one. i'm also rather quiet and cold-looking at first glance, however when i warm up to someone, i throw around puns every two seconds. my hobbies are swimming, playing the guitar, writing and watching movies. my love languages are words of affirmation and physical touch! my ideal type is a guy who poses as a challenge for me, someone practically unattainable, who has people fighting over him (i love a challenge sorry). he must be witty and know how to banter, as well as be compassionate. bonus points if he likes cats. i'm assuming that by appearance you mean my appearance so i'm 5'0 foot tall with wavy brown shoulder length hair, i have fair skin and almond-shaped brown eyes. i've got a pretty curvy figure (a neat hourglass) and often wear dresses and coquette clothes. thank you and have a nice day!

𓂃𓂃𓂃𓊝 ࿐𓂃𓂃𓂃

a message in a bottle washes ashore with your name written in bold...

𓇢𓆸 "🎀" anon your match is. . .

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟

tooru oikawa!

𓇼 oikawa is definitely the golden boy of aoba johsai and loved by many admiring fans, but what caught his eye was you!

𓇼 your cold and seemingly intimidating nature does pique his interest with curiosity and would want to approach you with persistence

𓇼 he is very observant so noticing your true nature would come very easily for him and make you more attractive to him. your kindness only makes him fall for you even more

𓇼 your drive and ambition to be the best at what you do is admired by him and ultimately the reason why he fell for you. he respects you as someone who aligns with the same values; he would 100% support you through the ups and down

𓇼 i think he would be interested in you first, but during your relationship, he would keep you on your toes. in a sense that he would always make every interaction memorable; there’s never a dull moment with him

𓇼 oikawa loves that you are competitive and won’t back down from a challenge; he has the same mindset. be prepared to make everything a competition lol

𓇼 expect beach dates and volleyball on the sand! after an exhausting match of rallying he would playfully throw you in the water to cool off

𓇼 since he is quite confident, you like to knock him down a few levels when joking around

𓇼 “why are you being so mean to me?” he whines while dramatically being taken aback

𓇼 he would take the jabs for you and probably bite back haha

𓇼 i hate to say it, but since the guy got a whole foot of height over you he would use that with every jab

𓇼 he loves to rest his arm on your head or purposely crouch to match your level with a smug smirk (he’s an ass for that lolol)

𓇼 while it’s all in good fun and he can be cocky, that doesn’t expose his personality fully

𓇼 if someone seriously hurts you in any way, i pray for that person. i honestly pray for anyone who makes oikawa dead serious…he is scary im ngl. at the end of the day he would never, ever want to see you cry

𓇼 he is not afraid to be vulnerable with you and express it to you verbally and physically

𓇼 words of affirmation are his main love language and always knows what to say and when to say it. it's like he knows you like the back of his hand

𓇼 he hates to see you beat yourself up about something because he knows the feeling all too well. encouraging you is his #1 goal and reminding you that he’s always here for you

𓇼 the most pda he would do is hand holding, hair ruffling, or an affectionate kiss on your forehead (just enough to remind everyone you guys are very well in a relationship)

𓇼 he loves to take you shopping and buy everything you set your eye on. he would honestly be your tester when testing makeup

𓇼 “how do i look sweetheart?” he puckers his lips with some lip gloss you put on him

𓇼 if you offered to do his makeup, he wouldn't mind honestly. he would want you to make him look prettier than everyone else on his team actually

𓇼 for a more relaxed day, he would put on your favorite movie and cuddle. he just loves any chance he gets to be close to you

𓇼 he remembers everything about you. including all your favorite artists and songs

𓇼 i just know he would make a playlist with all of it on there and be quite proud of himself for making it. he’d show it off to you and always ask you for more recommendations

𓇼 oikawa is a cat lover. idc. he probably gushes over any stray that walks by you guys and takes you to every cat cafe he can find. it won’t be long before he adopts one with you

𓇼 any piece of your work he would be in awe of. whether it would be playing the guitar or asking for him to proofread a piece of literature you have written, you always amaze him; he makes sure you are reminded of how talented you are as well!

𓇼 his profile is just filled with you.

𓇼 one of his posted would probably be some pink-themed flowers he got you; the caption being “i’m the best bf in the world actually”

𓇼 ohhh his devoted fans would be so jealous i just know it. everyone wants what you have

𓇼 you don’t have to worry though, the only person oikawa wants is you and every bit of banter you bring into his life

𓇼 oikawa is a cancer, so this pairing just makes sense honestly. cancers and virgos are upfront and honest with each other; therefore, there is trust and loyalty in the relationship

𓇼𓆉𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟 𓆉𓇼

a/n: i hope you like it! <3

art creds for oikawa fanart: @/sunfluff on ig! pls check them out

[languaholic]

Hi everyone!

So here is my proposal to make the most out of the last 100 days of the year. First of all, you don’t have to review lessons/pages every day if you don’t want to, I am doing it because it helps me learn things better.

The point of this challenge is that you dedicate at least 10 minutes every day in getting better at expressing yourself in another language and little by little increase your exposure so you are also more fluent. 

To start this challenge, check the options below and decide if you either want to follow the order, skip some or change them for others. Just find what fits your rhythm better and register it so you can look at your progress ;)

Don’t forget to tag your posts with any of these:

100 Days Express Yourself Language Challenge

100 Days Language Learning Challenge

100 Days Language Studies Challenge

And let’s start!

1. Sing a song or read a poem in your target language

2. Translate into your native language the chorus of a target language song

3. Find some interesting idioms used in your target language and write them down illustrating with examples

4. Translate a quote from your native language into the target language

5. Get a list of some irregular verbs that are difficult to you and create sentences with each

6. Describe in your target language something you like or something you find fascinating

7. Watch a short video with the subs of your target language

8. Make a theme vocab list in the target language of the episode you watched and place examples under each word

9. Read an interesting article in the target language and try summarizing it in a few lines

10. Play an audiobook in the target language for ten minutes and write down the words you deem interesting and/or important to review later

11. Make a bucket list in the target language

12. Describe an item you need in the target language

13. Translate a few quotes into the target language

14. Describe your plans for winter vacations

15. Watch a TED talk with the target language audio and/or subs

16. Print a picture you like and write about it

17. Make a vocab list of things you love and add examples

18. Read a short fairy tale

19. Write about food you like

20. Summarize a movie, tv show, book, fanfic, etc. that you enjoyed

21. Find some jokes in the target language

22. Talk about someone you admire

23. Write about a place you would like to return to

24. Write about a dream you recently had

25. Make a vocab list of things you hate and add examples

26. Listen to some songs you like and record yourself singing along

27. Translate a comic or book or fanfic page from your target language into your native language (it can be a panel or a paragraph, etc.)

28. Listen to a podcast in the target language (duolingo has some options)

29. Watch a short in the target language or with the T.L. subs

30. Translate a song from the target language into your language

31. Read the news in your target language

32. Select some topics that you feel are difficult in your target language and use them making sentences or re-explaining them in the target language

33. Find some verbs with different meanings and illustrate the meanings with more examples

34. Write about a place you want to visit

35. Make a vocab list of things you fear

36. Read some riddles and try to find the answer

37. Select some words that sound the same but are different things (homophonous) and illustrate them with examples

38. Write a few sentences of what makes you anxious

39. Take a photo of the weather and describe it

40. Write a letter in the target language to a loved one who is no longer with you

41. Read a poem in your target language and record it

42. Find some proverbs and/or sayings in the target language and write them down

43. Make a list of yes/no questions in the target language

44. Find instructions for something in the target language and try following them

45. Make a vocab list of common swear words

46. Write in the target language an idea you disagree with

47. Write an argument about why you disagree with the idea above

48. Read some pages of your favorite book in the target language and write down the words you don’t understand

49. Read something light and make a list of WH questions in the target language about the reading

50. Make a review of a book, song, tv show, or movie

51. Write in the target language an idea you whole heartedly agree with

52. Write why you agree with the idea above

53. Make a top ten of things you like and write why in the target language

54. Print some pics of food you want to try and describe it in your target language

55. Make a vocab list with examples of things that bring you joy

56. Get your hands on some favorite quotes and translate them in the target language

57. Watch a documentary in the target language (or with the subs in the T.L.)

58. Write in your target language about something that obsess you

59. Translate into your target language a paragraph of something happy

60. Recite a dialogue of a movie, tv show, book, fanfic, etc. you like and record it

61. Talk in your target language about something that troubles you

62. Listen to a playlist in your target language and sing along (follow the lyrics if you need them)

63. Write some reflections in your target language about love

64. Select a constellation which story you like and write about it in your target language

65. Make a vocab list of slang in the target language

66. Check out a site in your target language and write down the words you find difficult

67. Find an actor/actress/singer/artist whose native language is your target language and write down some phrases they’ve said you liked

68. Check out videos of grammar topics you would like to delve into

69. Read out loud a fanfic or short story in your target language (250 words is recommended)

70. Write down a topic you would like to debate about and some main points about it

71. Develop the points of the topic you want to discuss

72. Create a speech with the points from the task before and read it out loud

73. Watch an episode of a TV show (I recommend it lasts 25 minutes or less) with the audio and subs of your target language

74. Check some funny videos in your target language (find some youtubers whose spin is comedy)

75. Select a song you like in another language different to the target language and translate it into your target language

76. Write in your target language about something you hate

77. Write about the music you like

78. Make a schedule you can follow next week

79. Play an agility game that includes a simultaneous physical and mental exercises in your target language (like jumping the rope for five minutes while reciting the irregular verbs or prepositions, etc.)

80. Check out a video in your target language that explains something you find interesting or exciting (can be a tutorial, a tour around somewhere, etc.)

81. Create a set of instructions in your target language to cook something

82. Make a vocab list of words that only exist in your target language

83. Translate into your target language a paragraph of something sad

84. Reflect in your target language about something that makes you super proud

85. Describe in your target language a scent you like

86. Watch an animated movie in your target language with subs in your native language

87. Tell or write something nice to your loved one(s)

88. Explain a grammatical law you find fascinating to someone

89. Write in your target language about something you miss

90. Lay down in the grass or somewhere where you can look up at the sky and come up with shapes and write them in your target language

91. Go to your favorite fanfic site, select the stats you want, and read a fic of 1,000 words written in your target language 

92. Write in your target language a reflection about time

93. Make a short story with your pet(s) (or favorite animal) as your main character

94. Talk in your target language about a memory that marked you

95. Create your own language learning master post

96. Write a language overview in your target language 

97. Write down in your target language what you feel when you think about longing

98. Get a book in your target language (short is recommended) and start reading it

99. Explain something you find fascinating in your target language to someone

100. Write down your purposes for next year and why they are important to you in your target language

And that’s it folks! 

Good luck to the community who will try this, and please feel free to modify any of the points given. The point of this is to have fun while being constant in learning a language and get to create the habit of studying while learning how to express better in another language ;)

See you all at the end of the year!

[skazoo]

closure.

↳ lee taeyong x f!reader

right people, right time, wrong place.

length. 2.7k

genre. childhood friends!au, angsty :((

warnings/tags. language, mentions of death and a funeral

networks. @kflixnet

notes. AKJFDKSA so excited to post this for @kflixnet 's exchange event!!! got to write for @lebrookestore !!! we never interacted before and i wanted it to be a surprise but!!! i got a nice look at your profile and 🤚🏼 lemme tell you 🤚🏼 i've been dancing around nct since their debut days and i swear reading random snippets from your masterlist made me want to get serious™ with it.... we'll see how things develop.... ALSO kinda stalked your carrd and how could i not write ANGST ??? for TAEYONG??? i can't say i 100% know him but i really love that man (AND i love angst too so..... masochist besties ig) i had fun writing it and i really hope you like it <3 also was listening to cinnamon girl by lana del rey while writing, idk if that makes sense.

i'm desperate for feedback and i love comments with your opinion!

(cross-posted on ao3 only)

navigation

hating funerals is completely normal, you think.

it’s normal to hate the thick blanket of sadness that covers the streets of your small countryside town. 

it’s normal to hate the vain small talk with people you don’t particularly know or like that’s requested of those who attend the visitation of the casket. 

it’s normal to hate everyone dressed in black head to toe; the old ladies with those dramatic hats, and the little kids running around giggling in those stuffy elegant dresses their parents forced them to wear. 

and it’s all completely normal how much you hate yourself for not-so-unconsciously hoping that this grievous event could bring him back to you after so long.

when you were younger, around seven, the older kids you played with —with serious expressions and a hint of what could only have been childish jealousy— had branded the two of you as the best friends. Y/N and taeyong. inseparable from dusk till dawn, never bored of each other, and able to communicate through swift looks only. 

back then, you had accepted the title with a certain solemnity, swearing on anything a seven-year-old can hold dear, that neither of you would ever be left playing games alone. 

somehow you still remember the light of a setting summer sun filtering through the nicely draped windows of his grandma’s house, bathing the living room in a soft golden hue. the background noise of a disney movie playing on the old tv while you lay with your stomachs on the thick carpet, coloring outside the lines of a coloring book he got for his birthday.

you remember the fateful question whistling through the gaps the baby teeth currently hiding under his pillow left; an excited glint in his big eyes. 

'best friends forever?'

'forever.'

'pinky swear?’

‘pinky swear.’

left to your own devices by busy parents for the most part of most summers of your childhood, staying true to the sacred pact never came difficult. 

the absence of family didn't seem to matter; as long as you had each other, there was always a make-believe adventure right around the corner. oh, the journeys you went on in those carefree years. you were pirates, witches, and kings, fighting against sea monsters, dragons, and the boredom always looming around the crevices of your hyperactive minds.

when your bond remained unchanged even through the challenging times of middle school and when you still enjoyed each other’s company in the social minefield that was high school, you truly —naively, perhaps— started to believe that the two of you were indeed special. a bond forged in trust and unconditional love that someone from above was protecting from the harsh truths of the real world. truths that would one day bite you in the ass and truths that came to you in the form of an avalanche of bittersweet betrayal.

pinky swearing was a powerful practice, seemingly unbreakable but not strong enough for him to keep his promise once you both graduated.

you had to keep your tears from falling, a strained smile here and a shaky nod there, as you listened to his muffled voice breaking through your despair. 

he was going to study abroad! on a scholarship nonetheless! 

you had really wanted to be happy for him, but the guilt that had tried to hide behind his eyes told you that he’d known he was breaking you along with the old promise. you could not– would not be happy for him the way he wanted you to be. he’d have to leave knowing he'd left you to play alone when he’d promised he’d never do such a cruel thing.

you’d waved him goodbye as his body disappeared behind the automatic doors of the airport. you’d waved him goodbye even after that as you got into your car and drove back home. you’d waved him goodbye as you curled in a ball and cried in your bed that day. you’d waved him goodbye for years after that. 

in retrospect, you don’t really know what you had expected the day he left. for him to abandon his dreams to stay with you and eventually rot in the small limbo of a town that birthed and raised you on the concept of alienation from the outer world? for him to choose you over himself? maybe for him to realize he loved you just as you not-so-discreetly did him; in glances too slow to be stolen and in smiles too fond to belong to friendship, even a ‘forever’ one. 

hating this particular funeral is normal, not only because it’s your lovely elementary school teacher and neighbor who's lying in the casket, but also because it’s making sad, and arguably mortifying memories resurface from under the personal growth you’ve spent years working on.

you’re not that sad and wallowing in self-pity anymore, though. you’re an accomplished person. maybe not as much as him, but that’s relative. your job in the only bookstore in town makes you happy, you’ve traveled a bit, you’ve seen things, met people, lived a life. 

and still, you wonder how many what-ifs would have made you happier, made you live more. if he'd stayed, would you still be together? or would you just be strangers with a shared childhood? blurry and long gone.

the small crowd of old ladies animatedly chatting while their husbands trail behind like bored shadows, settles on the audience of white plastic chairs in front of you, and the solemn silence that engulfs the living room makes you come back from the trip down memory lane that had you staring into the void for a good twenty minutes. the cinnamon tea your teacher’s daughter offered you stopped being hot and drinkable a while ago, and you resignedly sigh, excusing yourself from someone’s grandma trying to play matchmaker for her nephew —who without a doubt is one of your old classmates— and walking to the small kitchen, away from the sadness and the memories.

dirty plates and empty cups sit in the sink staring at you, and you can’t help the urge to start cleaning them as if the help could alleviate at least a fraction of the pain the family is going through. as if it could take your mind off things.

“they told me i could find something to drink here.” a voice that you’re sure doesn’t belong to any old lady, speaks from the door of the cramped kitchen. 

hands in the soapy water, you don’t turn around, limiting yourself to adopt your practiced customer service pitch and answer over your shoulder. “yeah, help yourself. the tea bags are in the jar near the boiler.”

you hear some shuffling behind you as the voice speaks again. “are you a relative?” 

a short chuckle escapes your lips. you might as well be one. mrs. kim not only saw you grow up into the person you are now, but she also acted as your stone, the ear listening to your worries and doubts, your voice of reason in the world of adulthood. she was there for you when he left and you were a total mess, too. so yes, maybe she considered you one, but it doesn’t feel fair to her real daughter to go around telling people you shared blood.

“nope. just a… friend…?  more or less…”

“then why are you doing the dishes?”

you’re grateful you’re turned away from the voice because the blush of embarrassment that creeps over your cheeks is definitely not a sight to behold. you shrug hoping it doesn’t look as awkward as it feels. “i- i don’t know… i guess helping makes me feel less… powerless in these situations. i know it sounds weird but i swear i’m not some creep who likes to pop up at funerals to do the dead’s dishes.”

“pinky promise?”

it’s not that you don’t remember what his voice sounds like. you could never forget him that much. but as daily calls started to turn into weekly calls and then monthly and then every major festivity calls, his voice had started to dance around in your memories, perpetually morphing, presenting a different him every time he came up in your mind. a seven years old child making a promise; a twelve years old boy ordering fried chicken on the phone; a seventeen years old wannabe-man screeching into a karaoke microphone.   

the deep voice that asks you the weird question is one you’ve never really heard clearly or in person, only imagined in moments of weakness and dreams.

as you whirl around with wide eyes and mouth agape, water and soap splash everywhere.

“you?”

the boy —the man, you correct yourself bitterly— smiles at you so brightly you might cry. “me.” 

“how– when–?”

“i landed this morning in the city… jumped on a plane as soon as mom told me.” he scratches his neck, his head tilted slightly downward. “i’m sorry for your loss.”

your shock turns into confusion as you frown slightly at him. “it’s your loss too.”

“yeah, yeah i guess it is. i just- i mean you’ve always loved her so much and you’ve been around her for all these years…”

you know he doesn’t mean it as an attack on your personal choices, on your life, but the arrow inadvertently aimed at your heart strikes anyway. 

you’ll be grieving for longer than me. because you’ve barely left this town, because you still live two houses down from your elementary school teacher, and i’ve moved on from this place.

he clears his throat in a way that tells you he knows what you’re thinking. he’s always had that special power to read your mind like it’s his own. “how have you been?”

it’s been five years and this is the first time i see the man you’ve become. if you ask, the right word is miserable. that’s how i’ve been. 

you chuckle somberly. “shouldn’t i be the one to ask you this? mr. big shot? your mother was this close,” you pinch the air, your thumb and pointer finger basically touching, “from hanging flyers with your face on it around town!”

he laughs and you almost close your eyes to bask in the sound that you missed oh so much. the itch under your skin you felt when he first left —one that you were sure you had long gotten over of, one you did your best to forget and to bury deep down your mind— comes back hitting you full force. the itch wants you to forget the hurt and hug him close for he is the only one in the whole universe who’s able to do something about it. to scratch it and make it go away. forever. 

you hope he doesn’t remember what pain looks like on your face because you’re not sure you have full control over your expressions when it comes to him. when it comes to the infinite distance that separates you even now when you’re standing in the same room.

“no, but really. i heard you got an important job. as soon as you graduated, too.”

he nods bashfully. hands buried inside the long coat he wears. he truly looks like a man of the city; a male lead in a romantic drama you’re just a background character of. 

“i have yeah. they- i guess they liked my work ethic in college and decided to give me a chance to prove myself.”

you speak before you can think of the consequences. “you didn’t tell me though.”

silence falls over the kitchen and you swear you can hear the droplets of water falling from the dishes drying on the plate rack.

his smile is gone, replaced by a grave frown. one that looks practiced for this exact situation. one that, if you have to be honest, you didn’t want to know existed.

“i don’t regret leaving this place, Y/N.” 

you flinch at the inevitable turn the conversation takes. again, he always knows what you want to say even if you try to hide it behind ambiguous questions.

you turn back to your dishes with a harsh turn. would you be able to escape the kitchen from the small window over the sink if you tried? 

“save it. i don’t want to hear how easy it was for you to leave everything behind.”

you hear him sigh from behind you. “i didn’t say that. stop putting words in my mouth because you’re angry.”

your head snaps in his direction and the grip you have on the counter is so strong your knuckles turn white. “i’m not angry and you stop telling me how to feel and stop treating me like a child and–”

“will you please listen to me?” he shakes his head and steps closer to you, eyes looking back to the living room once to check that your altercation is not disturbing the mourning. 

you huff through your nose in frustration before throwing a small wave and a strained smile at the old lady that pops her head in the kitchen looking for the bathroom. “you’re doing it again! stop being so condescending!” you hiss through your teeth.

“if only you’d let me speak!” he whispers-shout back even if the woman is gone.

“what!?” you feel your eyes starting to dampen. the fear of what’s coming next is too strong to ignore.

“i don’t regret leaving this place–

you close your eyes to try to keep the tears from falling. everything you thought you left in the past is coming back to you in waves: the helplessness you felt looking into his excited eyes that told you the news of his bright future, the anger directed at yourself for being so dumb and naive to think you’d always be together, the fear of being left alone clutching at your heart and making bile rise in your throat. it’s that day all over again. a personal inferno.

“please,” your voice breaks in a pitiful sob, “please, stop saying that.”

he ignores you, focused on choosing the right words. “i was so happy when i got the scholarship, and god, i was so excited that i’d already packed my things a week before my flight…”

you turn to the sink again, an arm hugging your body and a hand pressed firmly over your mouth to prevent the whimpers from coming out.

you hear him taking another step closer to you. you feel the heat of his body reaching for your shivering heart; the hem of his coat brushes against your tights-clad calves. 

“receiving that opportunity was my dream. it always has been.” his arms come latching around you, effectively gluing your back to his front and you can’t find it within yourself to move him away. “and yet… Y/N, i hesitated. i stalled so much that the university almost withdrew the offer and i had to call them in the middle of the night to assure them that i hadn't changed my mind.” he feels you freeze against him and he knows you understand what he’s trying to say.

“for months i dreamed about you, Y/N. i spoke, acted as if you were still with me. as if i was still here…”

you feel him tremble slightly and his next words are hushed into your hair. a secret between you and him.

“you are my biggest regret and you always will be.”

you thought you had forgiven him a long time ago. you thought your pain was one of a child that didn’t understand, that still thought pinky promises were binding and unbreakable. 

“please understand that i needed to leave with or without you.”

he holds you impossibly close and you bury your face into the sleeve of his coat. in his smell, in his heat.

“please know that i never meant to ruin things.”

turns out even children need explanations when things are ripped away from them.

“to ruin us.”

turns out even you need closure.

you cry together in your dead teacher’s kitchen and you take him to the airport two days later. he hugs you tight and promises to call you more often. you don’t know if he will but now it feels different. it is different.