#200 burgers

[wistfulwatcher]

9am this morning: hehe cute! boop.

4pm this afternoon: if I don't earn all three badges I will DIE

[funbloodclots]

I made a chart on people who have a crush on Bob Belcher.

[drawthething]

I'm like probably maybe in prom mood or shipping mood or maybe my brain never left Tinimmy Week at all HELPPP-

Anyway it's themmmmmm~

[froginaskinsuit]

just me, my husband, and these totally normal adopted children of ours

[unclefathersantateddy]

Thank you for 200 followers!!

I realise with how saturated social media is now, 200 may not seem like much. But imagine 200 people staring at you IRL, waiting for you to do something that entertains them. That's so many people asdfghjkl p r e s s u r e.

I wanted to keep this in context of the Burger universe, so I used your ocs!!! Thank you so much for sharing them with me I really hope I did them justice!

[br1ghtestlight]

i kinda want to write a fanfic about bob's dad and linda's family meeting but 1 there is no way on earth that would go well and 2 i dont know if im capable of writing linda's parents without going crazy. i dont know if its possible for me personally

[triforce-of-mischief]

unlocking webkinz knowledge i didn't know i still had

[absolutely-inconspicuous-burgers]

Hello, good day, it’s me the door eating phoneguy

Do you got by any change sum doors?

“OH GOD NOT ANOTHER ONE”

[mystic-writings]

income tax season sucks fucking balls as a minimum wage part time worker

[cryptotheism]

One of the funniest things I ever saw was "nerd comedy night" at a local improv theater. Stay with me here. This place was DEAD. I think I was the youngest person there by 20 years. Maybe 12 people in a theater I've seen packed with 200.

It was one guy, and his openers. One of the openers was his kid. He introduced himself as a "corporate comedian" as in, when a corporation needs entertainment at a convention, he gets called.

This dude was the definition of what Patton Oswalt called "Funny, but whatever." Like, 90% of his jokes were recycled from shitty animated cartoons your mom would send you on Facebook back in 2013. Very "Aren't public bathrooms shitty?" Type stuff.

But I was fucking DYING the whole night. Not because the jokes were any good. They weren't good, but they weren't bad either. They were just nothing. I fucking loved it. Every single punchline was just an utter nothing burger of dead air, and he just kept soldiering on. Man put his whole pussy into it, and god bless him for it. Like this dude knew he was bombing, but that didn't stop him for one second, he slammed every ounce of charisma he had into

"Hey why don't the air dryers in the bathroom ever work?????"

SILENCE.

But what really fucking got me, what really fucking got me, was the bit before his closer. Everyone who knows stand up comedy knows you save your funniest bit for last. It's one you have down pat. You put your worst but right before it. If this dude was doing what he did on purpose, he would be a genius.

He put his whole pussy into the setup, nail the turn, and then lose confidence like 80% of the way into the punchline.

"nothing in the bathroom works! Nothing! Except for the sensor that flushes the toilet! You relax for two seconds and it's shooting water at your butt! That thing works too damn..., Uh, well. Heh. Haha. Heeh. (Mutters) it works too damn well, uh, folks."

Shit killed me. I was genuinely laughing so hard I think it confused the poor guy. I hope he knows that I still use that take today, and I think back to him every single time I do.

[dragonroilz]

lore written by Ccmaci:

She used to be your typical low brow Karen, but then she tripped into the rabbit hole of really fringe conspiracy. She didn't trust America to train her for the coming thermal nuclear crisis cause they put steroids in the military's food that down the line will turn their children into sleeper-agent-zombies, and she doesn't go to foreign governments because when you get your picture taken for a passport, the flash from the camera imprints your Social Security Number into your brain, a number she believes decodes the subluminal messaging in fast-food commercials that make you want to not question the yearly 0.50 cent price raises for a burger (burgers which are laced with micro-pathogens that cause you to love the concept of being called in for jury duty, obviously).

The only place that was safe place to acquire military training was [insert fake county name here], a legally unrecognized country off the coast of Alaska, with a population of less than 200 people. Obviously, all boats are rigged with ice-berg attracting magnets which go off incase an American hasn't had their daily intake of jury duty micro-pathogens, so swam the coast of Canada as to avoid crossing the boarder where she'd likely be asked to give the Canadian government a sample of her blood (cause we all know what horrors Canadian's can commit with 2 liters of blood from a woman born south of the global hemisphere).

Anyways, so she makes it to the unrecognized country, and thankfully they let her into their militia cause SHE GOT JACKED FROM LITERALLY SWIMMING FROM WASHINGTON TO ALASKA. Obviously she did her homework before this, and was already pretty knowledgeable on basic military concepts like rocket jumping, so this was really just to round out the edges on her proficiency's (that's what she thinks, in reality she really needed this training to be competent lol).

Sadly, after discovering the unrecognized country was literally planning thermal-nuclear-warfare, she decided to leave Alaska, which strangely after she did, all evidence of that legally-unrecognized country ceased to exist. She was later picked up by Mann-Co after being coerced into thinking that she was stopping the enemy from furthering the goals of the shadow-government-fast-food-conglomerate, and as been working with the fem-mercs ever since.

similar to how the mercs lie to normal soldier about all being american, the female mercs lie to female soldier about various beliefs like how they're totally not all vaccinated and all of the rations delivered to them are definitely not inspected by the government. shes particularly distrustful of the scout and medic, the former being a borderline material gorl, and the latter being involved with more than questionable medical practices.

[intriga-hounds]

the sauce is finally getting some appetite back…i’ve been feeding her primarily burger patties the past several days just to get calories in her, but today she finally chowed down on some puppy kibble and a can of wet food. i think i managed to get about 700 calories into her today, when it’s been a struggle to get her to do anything over 200 since day 21. by day 32 she was a pound lighter than she was the day she was bred—despite being pregnant. today is day 38 and the puppies should start growing rapidly now, so they need lots of fuel. relieved that we finally seem to be getting out of this morning sickness funk.

[annahnana]

fast food under 500 - wendy's (w/ protein)

breakfast ~ * small seasoned potatoes (230 cal, 3g protein) * honey butter biscuit (310 cal, 3g protein) * medium seasoned potatoes (330 cal, 4g protein) * bacon, egg and cheese muffin (390 cal, 17g protein) * sausage gravy & biscuit (400 cal, 6g protein) * large seasoned potatoes (410 cal, 6g protein) * bacon egg & cheese biscuit (420 cal, 16g protein) * bacon, egg and cheese croissant (430 cal, 13g protein) * sausage biscuit (450 cal, 11g protein) * 4 piece french toast sticks (450 cal, 11g protein) * chicken biscuit (500 cal, 14g protein)

burgers ~ * jr. hamburger (250 cal, 13g protein) * jr. cheeseburger (290 cal, 14g protein) * jr. cheeseburger deluxe (340 cal, 15g protein) * jr. bacon cheeseburger (370 cal, 18g protein) * double stack (410 cal, 23g protein) * bacon double stack (440 cal, 26g protein)

chicken sandwiches ~ * crispy chicken sandwich (330 cal, 13g protein) * grilled chicken ranch wrap (420 cal, 27g protein) * crispy chicken blt (420 cal, 18g protein) * spicy/classic chicken sandwich (490 cal, 28g protein)

nuggets ~ * 4 pc chicken nuggets (180 cal, 10g protein) * 4 pc spicy chicken nuggets (190 cal, 10g protein) * 6 pc chicken nuggets (270 cal, 15g protein) * 6 pc spicy chicken nuggets (280 cal, 15g protein) * 10 pc chicken nuggets (450 cal, 25g protein) * 10 pc spicy chicken nuggets (470 cal, 26g protein)

sides ~ * apple bites (35 cal, no protein) * jr fries (210 cal, 3g protein) * chili (240 cal, 16g protein) * small fries (260 cal, 4g protein) * plain baked potato (270 cal, 7g protein) * sour cream and chive baked potato (310 cal, 8g protein) * large chili (340 cal, 22g protein) * medium fries (350 cal, 5g protein) * cheese baked potato (450 cal, 15g protein) * bacon cheese baked potato (440 cal, 17g protein) * baconator fries (460 cal, 14g protein) * cheese fries (470 cal, 9g protein) * large fries (470 cal, 7g protein)

beverages ~ * hot coffee, all sizes (all 5 cal, no protein) * iced tea (5-10-10 cal, no protein) * cold brew, all sizes (15-15-25 cal, all 1g protein) * strawberry sweet tea (140-240-270 cal, no protein) * caramel frosty cream cold brew, all sizes (160-220-300 cal, 4-5-7g protein) * vanilla frosty cream cold brew, all sizes (170-220-300 cal, 4-5-7g protein) * chocolate frosty cream cold brew, all sizes (170-220-310 cal, 4-5-7g protein) * sweetened iced tea (190-270-320 cal, no protein) * all natural lemonade (190-280-330 cal, no protein) * strawberry lemonade (230-330-420 cal, no protein) * pineapple mango lemonade, all sizes (260-330-420 cal, no protein) * blueberry pomegranate lemonade, all sizes (240-350-450 cal, no protein)

desserts ~ * chocolate frosty, jr-medium (190-310-390 cal, 6-10-12g protein) * orange dreamsicle frosty, jr-medium (200-320-410 cal, 5-9-11g protein) * oatmeal bar (280 cal, 3g protein) * chocolate chunk cookie (330 cal, 3g protein) * sugar cookie (330 cal, 3g protein)

[bihboy123]

The realities of Immobility

The Realities Of Immobility Getting so fat you are physically incapable of standing is of course possible but very few have achieved true immobility as in being truly stuck to the bed, their are several reasons why the gap between partial immobility and real immobility is so large. The main one is once you become actually immobile there is very little chance you're ever getting up that's why hospitals keep the massively obese under 1000 pounds below that size you are still movable in a way that doesn't require a forklift and wall being torn down.

If you're choosing to be immobile and have a feeder who looks after you're health care needs the next difficult step is the sheer amount of food that has to be consumed for you to matain an immobile body and then grow it even larger. Finically this becomes an issue you're talking 20000-30000 calories a day that's not easy to budget. As well as this eating will have to be done literally every waking moment, and you'll have to rely on the easiest food high calorie food to keep getting bigger, pizza, burgers, ice creams, general sugary goodies weight gain shakes will fill you up too much unfortunately. Manuel uribe the 2nd heaviest man who ever lived reportedly eat 30 burgers a day and around 20 large pizzas, that is hours upon hours of eating the same food. Any sense of meals or snacks is gone, you will have to constantly eat full size meals and snacks at the same time 8+ hours. At that size staying awake for over a few hours without dozing off also becomes a challenge.A true glutton will always be able to push themselves to eat more the next issue bathing, your enormous fat rolls will get infected if there not washed vigorously at least twice a day, an infection that goes bad could easily kill you at that size or force you to be hospitalised at the very least.

Toilet stuff is where things get hard-core, you will constantly smell of rancid piss and shit, getting under to clean is going to be extremely hard task, at a certain size you won't be able to roll over enough for pads. The toilet issue at a certain size will have to involve some type of pully system to get your leg up to wipe you, this solves a lot of issues but getting something like that made for 200+ pound leg will be tricky.The final issue is one no ones faced yet really but at a certain size your weight will make it extremely difficult to breathe even with an oxygen mask. If a person who weighed a metric ton existed its very possible there airway would be entirely crushed by fat in any position, there may be some solution, an air through the neck, maybe there is a position where you could still breathe. At a certain size your neck would probably snap but were probably talking a weight beyond anything possible

[allfryam]

freshman 50 (freshman 15 part 2)

Jake was delusional. He had gained over 15 pounds in the few months he had been at college and he didn’t even know it. He still saw himself as the perfect image of a man. His smooth abs we’re completely gone and he had a bit of a belly covered in a small layer of peach fuzz. Even Ben had noticed jakes weight gain. And he liked it. Ben had a crush on Jake since the moment they became roommates. The perfect brown hair, the ocean blue eyes, and Jake only became hotter as his stomach grew.

Ben realized that Jake was completely oblivious to the fact that he was getting fat. Ben wanted to keep it that way. Whenever Jake would say something about feeling big or eating too much, Ben would shut that idea down by telling Jake how great he looked. He even convinced Jake that the washing machine on campus would shrink his clothes. “Ohhh. That explains why my pants won’t button” Jake would say. Ben would often take jake out for pizza or burgers. Jake would end up eating an entire pizza all by himself because Ben would claim he wasn’t hungry and jake hated wasting food.

by Christmas time, jake had a proper dad bod. His expanding stomach was beginning to hang over his belt and push tight against his biggest shirts. His belly wasn’t the only thing growing either. His ass had gotten significantly larger than before. It would even bounce when he walked. Ben loved it. His thighs had also become thicker. Even his perfect jawline was beginning to fade. When all of his classes stopped for winter break, jake wasn’t getting nearly as much exercise as usual. He would play video games in his underwear and have fast food delivered to his dorm.

jake never told anyone he was gay. He was way too embarrassed to let anyone know. He was even more embarrassed to tell anyone he had a crush on Ben. Ben was so nice to him and he had the perfect body. The dad bod kind of grew on him. One night, jake mustered up the courage to ask Ben out. Ben said yes of course. They would go on dates all the time. Ben would take him to dinner; and jake would devour everything in his sight.

one night, jake decided to step on the scale to make sure he still had his perfect body. 200 pounds. At first, jake was shocked. But he realized the scale must be broken. There was no way he had almost gained 50 pounds in the span of a single semester. He decided to ask ben. “ do I look fat?” “What? No way! You’ve got the perfect body dude”. “But the scale said I was 200 pounds”. “Yikes” ben thought to himself. He knew Jake was getting fat but not THAT fat. “The scale is probably just broken” ben said. “Yeah. You’re right”

holiday treats had a big impact on jakes body. He would go the the store and see fresh treats at the bakery and he couldn’t resist. He would come home with 10 different types of cookies, eggnog, sweet breads, and candies. All of it would be gone by the end of the week. One day he was really hungry and he finished a batch each of gingerbread cookies, chocolate chip cookies, sugar cookies, snickerdoodles, peanut butter cookies, brownies, a gallon and a half of eggnog, a loaf of sweet bread, a slice of cake, and a bag full of peppermint m&ms. Not to mention the McDonald’s he had for lunch. Ben didn’t think it was possible to eat that much and survive but here was Jake. Doing it with ease.

when new years came, Jake only had one resolution. Get bigger clothes. None of his clothes fit anymore. Even his baggy sweatpants were skin tight. Bens New Year’s resolution was to make Jake hit 250 pounds without him noticing. This would prove to be a lot easier than Ben thought because little did he know, in December alone, Jake had gained another 35 pounds. Jake was huge. His average dad bod was now a round ball of a stomach. Ben measured it in his sleep one time. 50 inches. Jake had let the peach fuzz on his stomach grow to a nice hairy gut. His ass was also getting to be huge. It would stretch out his pants like crazy and bounced like a wild balloon. His perfect jawline was now replaced by a proper double chin. Jake didn’t even have to look down for it to show. It was always there. Growing. Jakes perfect pecs we’re now large moobs that sat nicely on his large gut. Even Jakes hands were starting to get chubby. They were turning into little greedy sausages. Jakes entire body would move when he walked. He would get out of breath just walking to class. But Ben wasn’t done fattening him up. He had big plans.

[rawro]

kobolds would rather cook 200 burgers in minecraft than fight one zombie