#20k words means a whole lot of screen time.

[foxgloveinspace]

There’s something profoundly awful about googling screen induced migraines on your phone.

[yahoodarling]

Yandere Thoma/Ayato X Isekaied GN Reader

Warnings: Posted in comments to avoid spoilers, please read them if you wish to avoid potential triggers.

Chapter 2: 6k+- words, Chapter 3

Full Fic option: 20k words

The words Ayato left with you clung to your mind, in all this time interacting with ‘characters’ you haven't once seen anything alter the course of the world yet. Perhaps it's a twisted Butterfly effect and your actions have changed something you cannot see but Teyvat was still intact and no news of a newly declared war has come about (for whatever reasons your actions may potentially had started a war in the first place). Perhaps the time of paranoia can finally come to an end and you can ‘live' a little, truly live here if it means spending the rest of your life in this world. You also owe it to Thoma. You've done everything in your power to avoid him when he's done nothing less but show genuine interest in getting closer to you and with Ayato's words you can confirm that you've hurt him. In your time knowing him, truly knowing him, not as a character reading lines of script, not as a collection of pixels on a screen but as a real person with flesh and feelings, it's really made you appreciate him more than anything one could feel for a fictional character. Thoma is not fictional in this world and in this world he looked to you for a friendship, you lead him on in your weakness and now he has to face the loss because of your choices. Ayato was right, you truly don't have the right to make this decision but the least you can do is make up for your mistakes and keep your promises. Teyvat isn't going to fall apart just because you want a friend, what led you to think you could change the fate of the universe in the first place? Fate is a strong thing, it will not break so easily just because you exist. The rest of the ‘plot’ will go on as normal, the ‘hero’ is most likely still in Sumeru sorting out their issues and that ‘hero’ can go on and change Teyvats fate, you can sit still, live a normal life and they can keep the story going. 

You decide the best way to apologise is to show Thoma you genuinely care and the best way to do that, (other than actually talking to him) is to do what he's already established means a lot to him, make something. Thoma loves to see the effort people put into something much more than the actual execution of it. You are hardly a master baker yet he savours what you bake like it's been done by a professional, so play to your strengths. You finish your work day, inform your boss you will no longer be taking the overtime and rest for the day. Not wanting to rush into things too quickly you wait a few days and in your spare time make a batch of miso butter cookies and a simple fresh loaf of shokupan on the day you decide to meet him. It being a weekend you were off work but that also meant Thoma wouldn't be in the city, he does his trips here only during the week when he needs specific supplies for his upkeep of the clans residence. Taking a walk to the Kamisato Clan is quite the walk but you owe it to him to get this done, he can't be the one to keep chasing after you, you need to show you want to be close as well. 

You arrive midday, the walls of the clan still so daunting, and walk to the entrance where the clans guards await, noticing your presence long before you could actually stand before them. 

“Good day, I am here to deliver something to Thoma.”

The guard eyes you but responds, “He's out. If you have any deliveries you can leave them here where they will be checked before entering the clan.”

Thoma isn't here? Shit. That makes this whole thing a bust. 

“Do you know where he's gone or when he'll come back? I'd prefer to see him in person.”

“No. Please leave any packages here and-” the guard was cut off as the man of the house walked up to the entrance, Ayato offered a slight smile, perhaps to ease your nerves at the guard's menacing stance though that is his job, before turning to said guard.

“They are a guest and are welcome to the clan. Thank you for serving your duties but they are free to enter.”

The guard bowed and uttered a small, “Yes my lord.”

Ayato then stood to the side to allow you in, his arm outstretching the direction in welcoming. 

“Ayaka and I were just having tea in the break of our schedules. Please do join us.”

Well it seems you will be meeting Ayaka (for the second time), not expected, not something you were prepared for but if you are to truly let go of your worries then meeting Ayaka should not be a problem. 

You follow suit and see Ayaka sitting at the table on the outside courtyard , she smiled in greeting as you and Ayato approached. 

“It is a pleasure to meet you, I am Ayaka Kamisato.” she nodded in greeting. It's a little difficult to respond to people such as Ayaka and Ayato whom are so versed in proper Inazumaian etiquette but you've been in Inazuma for long enough to have picked up some things. You bow slightly in turn, “A pleasure as well Lady Ayaka, thank you for welcoming me to your home.” You responded in a similar way when first meeting Ayato though you imagine conversing with him from now on would be a lot more relaxed after your previous meetings. Said man indicated for you to sit beside his sister which you did, form a lot less refined compared to the pair of siblings. 

“Ayaka, this is the person Thoma has been talking about as of late. A new friend to the Kamisato Clan.”

“Oh! It's truly wonderful to put a face to a name. Thoma has spoken only positives about you. What brings you here?”

You look down to the wooden box in your hand, your apology gift. 

“I need to speak with Thoma and give him something.”

You don't even need to look at Ayato to know that he's fully aware of what your meeting with Thoma is all about.

“I see. He's gone out for a walk at the moment but should be back soon. Anyway,” it felt like ice drawn at the blunt way she changed the topic. She quickly turned back to Ayato, more specifically the paper in her hands, with a look of true delight on her face. 

“The travellers' tales of Sumeru are incredible! Such a different place but the stories they are embarking on are memorising.” her eyes had a sheen to them, not the gloss of tears but of something you couldn't exactly tell what it embodied. 

“Their letter details so much, the food, the culture, the people as well as all the situations they've ended up in.” she giggles, lifting her hand to cover her joy but not truly caring about it since she was in such comfortable company which is… odd considering you just met. 

Ayato looks at you with a quick strained smile, almost to say, ‘sorry she's overlooking you’ but quickly returned to paying his attention to Ayaka. 

“I am not surprised they often find themself in trouble haha though it is good to know they are enjoying their time there. Do they mention when they may return to Inazuma?”

Ayaka looks slightly dejected at that, “No. They say they need to stay in Sumeru for now but will come to the next major festival if they can.” she takes a deep breath in and releases it. “I hope it's soon. I want to hear all these stories from their mouth rather than just as words on a page.”

So Ayaka also has that ‘crush’ on the traveller which was very heavily implied in the game. That must be the reason she is so relaxed and open with her emotions here. 

She looked back down at the letter, a soft smile developing. “I hear Yoimiya is planning on taking a trip to Sumeru in the future, perhaps I can ask her to deliver a token from me to the traveller while she is there.”

Ayato's smile remained as always listening to his sister but the small crinkle of the wrinkles by his eyes increased slightly for but a moment before relaxing. His wrinkles… a pity the game models of the characters didn't implement small details such as those. It would have been interesting to see what small features the characters had ‘realistically’ that weren't shown. Would Jean have bags around her eyes? Would Albedos skin have a slight difference of texture than normal? Perhaps Cyno has a more defined tan or Xiangling having slight burn blisters on her hands from cooking and her vision? You've only had a closer look at Thoma and he was so much more ‘real’ than just a 2D image which was slightly unsettling at first but normal now. What interesting things to think about…

“How about you join her?”

Your fascination died instantly. What? No, Ayaka will NOT be joining Yoimiya, that's not how it goes. Ayaka will deny or something will stop her.

“Really? But what of my responsibilities? I don't even know if she'd accept me joining.”

Exactly. 

“Do not fret, I will have your duties covered and Yoiymiya is your friend, I think she'd appreciate getting to share the trip with you. You deserve a break as well and I see no better opportunity than this.”

No, no, no, no you won't because she's not going. 

Ayaka stood up, elation beaming off of her while she clutched the letter closer to her. 

“Thank you brother! Oh I must ask Yoimiya right away!” 

She bowed and made haste out the residence not even sparing you a glance, to her you were a nobody. Her mind was solely on making this trip. 

You sat in shock, in the past her forgetting about you would be amazing, proof of your ‘npcness’ but you only felt stunned. Ayaka doesn't go to Sumeru, only Yoiymiya does for her second story quest, Ayaka is not involved, Ayaka does not show up, Ayaka is not part of that plot!

“I'm glad she can have a chance to experience the world outside the residence though having to cover for her duties will prove tedious.” Ayato shook his head, then chuckled. “But I'm not opposed to it for this.”

Just how- how has your involvement changed this?! It must be your fault, it can only be your fault, the story has gone on exactly as it was shown in the game so why is this different? What could you have done to make Ayaka go? 

“Hmm?” Ayato noticed your silence, “Is something the matter?”

You swallow the spit that had accumulated in your mouth and regained as much composure as possible. “Yes yes I am fine I just- I just need to go have a quick walk by myself. I will be back soon.” It's all you could say. Your mind switched to autodrive in shock and walked you away, neither mind nor eyes truly focusing on anything but your legs walking you a path you've taken many times before yet never once stepped on, into the forests behind the clan house. 

Walking in the tanuki filled forest may not have been the best idea, you recall ingame how Hilichurls and Fatui mages are ‘spawned’ here yet your walk was nothing but peaceful. The sound of the stream was somewhat calming, it helped you to think logically. Just because Ayaka says she's going to go on this trip doesn't mean she actually will, something will happen that will prohibit her from going to Sumeru. She is a very important character, her absence in Inazuma may cause something terrible to happen that didn't ingame. Maybe she helps a person in need ‘canonically’ but because in this existence she leaves for Sumeru she isn't there to save said person, that person dies or many people die which could upset their families which could cause them to lose faith in the (police) which could lead to disrupt in the city which could… which could… leave blood spilt? 

You stopped your rambling thoughts, eyes zoning in on the pools of blood on the moss covered stones. Whatever caused this is nothing you should get involved in, until a sound of a strangled hiss, electro energy popping and fizzing in the air, a shriek of vengeance and then… nothing. The sound came from further ahead to the right behind a large mound, you watch to see the source, feet ready to run away as the slightest threat. Footsteps sounded and around the bend came a semi dirt covered Thoma, looking ahead with a solemn expression, seemingly dazed. His chest huffed out periodic breaths of air to regain himself and latestly wiped off his brow and took out a cloth and dabbed at the specks of blood on his clothes and arms, while doing so he turned and saw you standing motionless, eyes awide and still in semi shock. Almost instantly devastation fell upon his face, his eyes sunk in immediate sadness, he just looked at you for a second, whatever his thoughts were were his own, before quickly putting the cloth away and rushed to step towards you. 

“Please just- i'm just doing my duty, I don't mean-, i'm not…” the more he tried to justify himself the more he seemed to sink into his own hole. 

“I know this looks bad, you are the last person I'd want to see me like this but-” he took a deep breath in, steeled himself to elaborate properly, “it's to protect the clan. Fatui spies, rogue samurai, rival clans, a lot of them come here to spy on the clan or put us at risk, i'm just doing my duty and protecting the people who protect me.” he looked at you earnestly, hoping for your understanding, hoping you don't see him as a murderer, hoping to retrain the image of an amicable person but his soft smile of a plea also held the acceptance that you may not acknowledge his reasonings, that you'd turn your back and leave. 

You do understand, you do know Thoma isn't a harmless friendly face, that he can and will do what must be done for the people he cares about, it's just that… it's a little hard to easily be calmed even with that notion when the very real blood and remains of that dedication is shown spewed across the forests floor, it's not something any ‘average’ person would not react to but still, this is Thoma, he has his reasons, it was done in the name of goodwill and he's trying to explain it to you. 

You take a few steps towards him and offer a hesitant smile, “I get it, I don't see you as any less than before.”

Before you even regain your senses properly you feel his arms around you, tight and secure, his hand cupping the back of your head and hiding his face in your shoulder, so desperate to have the reassurance that it's okay but still hesitant to look at you, like you may change your mind. 

“Thank you… archons above I was worried I've scared you. My word, that's the last thing I'd want…” she shook his head slightly, took one last deep breath and moved back up, his hands grasping your shoulders lightly, you could see his face up close now and he finally allowed himself to look at you, his face held a smile. “I am so happy to see you!” the heavy atmosphere diminished as Thomas usual radiance shone, “Haha, what are you doing here? It's been ages, the last place I thought I'd see you was all the way here.”

“Oh yeah, I actually came to apologise about that, about being distant. It wasn't right of me to just cut you off, I'm sorry.”

He stayed silent, only looking at you, his eyes softened and nose wrinkled in his genuine expression of embrace. “Dont worry about it, I was clingy, I'm just glad to know you are here now. I'm really happy about that.” he chuckled and shifted his weight to point you back up the path to the Kamisato residence. 

“Let's go catch up shall we?”

On the walk back up you explained to Thoma your ‘reason’ for avoiding him (your half lie, half truth reason), the same one you told Ayato. You are shy and get intimidated by how social he is. Thoma nodded at your explanation, expressed his apologies for not noticing your discomfort and promised from now on he'll be more aware when you are together and not encourage meeting with others you aren't comfortable with. The walk was nice, a bit strained because of the topic but after all the knots had been loosened it felt good to be relaxed with him again. 

You two entered the Yashiro court again, Ayato still sat at the table reading through some papers. Thoma turned to you, “Oh sorry, meeting with Ayato was one of the things that made you uncomfortable right? We could go somewhere else to catch up?”

“No it's alright, I met with him earlier when I arrived. I told him I'd return so it would be rude not to haha.”

The noise must have alerted said man, Ayato peaked his head up and greeted the both of you with a smile as you walked towards him and sat down.

“The both of you have returned safely from your walks then, it's good to see. How was it?”

Thoma hesitantly chuckled, “Haha, came across some trouble but nothing I can't iron out. Otherwise we just had a little talk.”

Ayato nodded and hummed.

You remember your carrier box filled with the apology gifts for Thoma and opened it.

“Thoma, I made some more biscuits and bread and wanted to give them to you, to further state my apology.”

“oh? Perfect then, we can have them with tea.” Ayato must have had someone refill the teapot while you were away as Thoma poured you both cups of steamed golden liquid and refilled Ayatos. Thoma took a biscuit and devoured it in delight, did he always over exaggerate when eating the things you baked or was his reaction authentic? 

“Ayato, would you like one? They really are divine.”

“No thank you. It would be wrong of me to strip you of your joy haha.”

It was odd but so welcoming to be able to have a casual conversation with the two. It seemed easy to get lost in Thomas stories, he seemed fully invested in everything he spoke of and when listening he truly captured every word. Ayato, though not as vocal as Thoma when he did speak his words were like a maze you'd have to do a small mental puzzle to understand if they were a wise response or a guileful remark coming from his teasing nature. Though harder to understand, Ayato's words were still a welcoming part of the conversation as the three of you went on to drink and share. 

Ayato shuffled his papers, putting them to the side, even on his supposed break he was reading through documents, Thoma hummed, took a quick look around then returned his gaze on Ayato.

“Where is Lady Ayaka? I thought you two were having this tea break to discuss something.”

Oh wait… Ayaka…

“Yes, she received a letter from the traveller today and was eager to share it, haha she truly is fascinated with that adventurer. She's not here at the moment however, she's gone to speak with Yoimiya. She says Yoimiya will be taking a trip to Sumeru in the future and has gone to ask if she may join.”

“Oh that's wonderful!-” Thoma hesitated, “Oh but doesn't she have some important meetings lined up these coming months with the shrine? There were those exchanges that need to be made, some deliberations about the upcoming festivals… as supportive as I am about her going on a trip, it doesn't seem doable with just how much is installed for these next 3 or 4 months.”

Oh Thoma you are truly a blessing, not only are you a true friend but you reestablished that the ‘plot’ wont change. You mouth a soundless thanks to him. 

Ayato hummed and tapped his quill* rhythmically on the table. “That is true but I want Ayaka to enjoy her years and not only focus herself on clan affairs, this trip is a good first opportunity to see the world outside Inazuma and with Yoiymiya as her travel partner I do not doubt they will have a good time. As for the workload-” Ayato reached over to the paper stack and shifted through them, “I was busying myself with planning and rearranging the meetings and visits she had in the time I expect her departure will be. It is more work but it will be rewarding, you'll see.”

Thoma seemed confused, it seemed from the look on his face he was doing the same as you when it comes to Ayato's words, figuring out the puzzle but if there was an underlying meaning to his words you didn't detect them, Ayato was simply stating facts and expectations yet Thomas silence ment he was looking for more than just that. Whatever mental games Thoma was tackling he must have failed, he chuckled and melted back into his relaxed self. 

“I'm glad then, it will be good for her.”

No… no this isn't right. There will be something, something will stop her from going, there must be. 

“mhm, I only await to hear back from her and her meet with Yoiymiya, I don't see any reason why she would decline.”

Yoiymiya will decline, she will, she must. 

“oh? Are you okay?” Ayato looks at you in concern, he puts his quill* down and gives you his full attention. 

“Is something the matter? Whatever it is, I am sure we can address it.”

“No, no its okay I just realised- I had some serious stuff to do for work which i've forgotten.” 

Ayato's face turns to mock surprise, you know he didn't believe you but he doesn't comment on it, Thoma does the same but you can detect the small quiver of his smile in disappointment that you are leaving so soon.

“Oh dear! Do you need help getting back home?”

“no no, i'll be fine thank you” you rush to stand up and then smile down to the two. “Thank you for today but I must go. Enjoy your afternoon.” you rush pleasantries and are out the gate before the two could press you further on your actions. 

You've done it again, you came here to try to fix things but you've just made a mess. You can try to fix it tomorrow, for now the more pressing thoughts of the potential Sumeru trip Ayaka will go on drowned out any other thoughts. You walk home rushed, the long walk not helping much to ease your nerves, you can only hope fate will prevail and Ayaka will stay in Inazuma. 

Ayato and Thoma sat in silence as you left, mutual understanding of the odd nature of your departure yet not wanting to address it.

“So… your ‘walk’ was fruitful then?”

“Just a few stray Hilichurls and a Fatui mage but it's been sorted.”

“Thoma, you know securing the perimeter is not part of your duties, you needn't lie about the reasoning for going out.”

Thoma did not respond. 

Ayato breathed in deeply, “I am not opposed to you going out to release your emotions but I worry you may get caught up in them only to further feed into your obsessions.”

“I'm not obsessed! I'm just-” he grit his teeth in his own turmoil, “I don't want to label these feelings as ‘obsession’, that wouldn't be right to them. I don't know, I still don't know. When they stopped talking to me it felt like I'd lose them forever, that everyday I don’t see them with my own eyes is a day that they may disappear and I know that sounds obsessive but… but I don't want to call it that. I just don't…”

Ayato soaked up his friend's words like a sponge and as always his responses were either clear or muddled with undertone, this time Thoma could tell instantly Ayato's words were transparent.

“You need not worry yourself about labelling your feelings then, you two are back in contact and there is still a future for you to explore what the emotions you are holding mean. Just do not lose sight of your health and those around you, even obsession can be tamed. “

The next few months were both easier and harder than the times you were avoiding Thoma. Sure, you lessened your workload and your health improved, you stayed in contact with Thoma, not as much as before but still enough to bond over. It was good to have a friend again and the feeling was mutual, every time you did meet he seemed eager to enjoy it to its fullest. You had even met with Ayato a few more times, never to the extent of Thoma but at least it became comfortable to sit and have tea with the both of them in a relaxed manner but that was the positives, the looming threat of Ayaka changing the plot was a heavy cloud always looming. The few occasions she saw you she was cordial and respectful but her interest glossed right over like you didn't even exist. She and Yoimiya made plans, fulfilled the work she could and now here you stand on the beach you woke up on exactly 2 years ago, 2 years since you randomly came to be here in Teyvat, the same day fate was changed and both Yoimiya and Ayaka were set sail for Sumeru. 

In blunt terms, youve fucked up. This was pure proof of your paranoia, this was proof your existence can cause the plot to change and the realisation of just how helpless you are in this situation dawned on you. The very act of your existence, whether you interact with those deemed ‘special’ or not, can and will change the story and you can only wonder if it will end well or if you've led something to doom. 

It's not fair, it's not fair at all. Even though you've been friendly with Thoma recently it's not like you can truly confide in him and he's just a painful reminder of your mistakes. The burden of wearing this responsibility, one you didn't even know how to fulfil, one you failed to fulfil, it's unfair. You are only human, you have needs to fulfil and ‘dying’ isn't one of them…

But 

But is it moral to be so selfish as to care about your own being when putting the risk of others on the line? Ayaka is gone from Inazuma, just how many people was she meant to interact with if she stayed? How will her presence in Sumeru affect the story? If you guess right the ‘hero' should be done with the main quest of Sumeru if it means Yoimiyas story quest can start but what if something happens that prohibits the plot for future stories? What of Ayakas presence delays the ‘hero’, even for a minute, in which that minute was originally meant for something in the greater scheme of things? 

This is awful… this isn't right. Not only has living become so difficult because of the constant nagging of anxieties and worries but you also have the potential to be responsible for disaster simply by existing. 

It isn't right… it isn't right you afflict this world with your existence and the threat it brings. 

Two years ago when you awoke on this beach you hoped to retain a normal life, perhaps find a way back home but at the very least, set up a life for yourself, an npc life but at least something. It's only fitting that you felt you had to come here, to kneel in the sand and watch how its granules slip through your fingers, it's because you exist that this sand is moving… it's only fitting that you finally come to the conclusion that you must die while being here. This is the place of your ‘birth’ into this world, perhaps it can be the place of your death as well. Not ‘death’, not some convoluted meaning of ‘dying' and becoming a new person, no you need to die. You need to die to ensure the people of Teyvat can remain on course. You are the virus here, you are the disease you need… you need to die.

Tears ran down your cheeks at such a resolute statement, sure youve thought about it all but now and truly you've decided that this is it, that you must do this. It's not like you want to die, not on a personal scale, but on a mental and emotional scale all this is too much, too much to bear and too much to live through. 

It's not fair to leave the people you've so selfishly afflicted with your presence without giving them a reason but you are too much of a coward to tell it to their face. It wouldnt go well if you were to stand infront of Thoma and tell him you were going to kill yourself, thats for sure but at the very least he could get some form of an explanation. 

You decide tonight is not the night you die, that would be tomorrow, you stand up from the ground and walk home, the weight of your choice still as raw as the moment you decide it, death is no light matter after all. 

You get home, a small space a person like yourself could afford, only the basics of furniture and 2 rooms. There under your door lay a letter, you pick it up and sit at your table where unblemished paper sat to become future suicide notes. Taking a look at the letter it was sealed in wax, the crest of the Kamisato Clan dug into its mass. 

You open it,

‘Dearist   XXXX

May this letter find you well. Both Thoma and myself wish to invite you for a stay at the Kamisato Clan as both a guest and a friend. The changing season brings a beautiful opportunity to witness it first hand as the trees take on their new hues and the oceans change their tides, you are welcomed to join us. Thoma sends his best wishes but asks for them to properly be said in person rather than in post. We eagerly await your response. 

Signed

Ayato’

Haha… how casual for a man like him… haha… haha here you are preparing to write letters announcing your death to them and yet they think only of including you in their lives. Haha… how horrible, how utterly vile it is to be able to experience emotions such as these. These feelings only prove your point more. You put the letter to the side and stared blankly at the response you are going to reply with, oh of only it were as optimistic and welcoming as theirs was.

You tried to make it easy for both yourself and those intended to read it. You state that the mistakes of your past have lay heavy on you and that death is the only relief, that you are sorry you cannot return the sentiment of friendship and must lay your mistakes to rest.

To Thoma you leave a more personal note, telling him that he made your life here in Inazuma so much better, that it was only in the moments with him you forgot your ‘mistakes’ for even a moment and for that you are grateful. It's true, it's only Thoma who made you forget the fact you don't belong here when you spend time with him. Sending this letter to him is assured to rip his heart, he sees you as a friend and he's going to beat himself at the thought that he did not help you enough to make you feel you'd want to stay, that he wasn't a good friend, which is not true at all but you know there is little you can do to convince him otherwise. In a moment of distressed induced vulnerability, with tears in your eyes you state something so cliche as that perhaps in another life you two may be able to have the friendship you both craved in this life, if only there is a case of reincarnation and you may be born in the same universe as him and live that life with no burdens or guilt of your existence. 

To Ayato you are more cordial, less emotional or descriptive but you tell him that he was right on that day in the rain, that there is a deeper problem than you just being ‘introverted’, otherwise you keep it professional. 

After the hardest two were done it was rather simple, it's not like you have any friends or family to write to and sending a letter to the street vendor you buy from doesnt make sense. You do write a letter and tell your boss that you simply will not be returning to work, you don't say why, and that you thank him for all the opportunities and help he has given you. 

For once it was easy to fall asleep, for the first time in 2 years the moment you lay your head on your pillow you were unconscious. For once you've felt the release of the burden you feel and the comfort that will come when your plague on this world is done. You are so tired and finally you can rest. 

The next day went on simply, it was a weekday and you went to work, in the afternoon you submitted your letters to the post and walked back home, taking in the scenery of Inazuma. This will be the last time you walk these streets. You wait at home quietly, have a decent meal and enjoy the sounds from outside of leaves and people. You felt in an odd state all the way through the day, like your senses were hypersensitive noticing the slightest thing around you which was lovely. You got to focus on the squirrles you passed on your way to work, the smell of baked bread smelled heavenly once again like it had the first day you were in the bakery, the pink and purple blossoms of the trees were so vibrant on your way home. You had given the shop vendor a smile and a wave as you passed her, that day you felt no burden, no grief. You only had one more step to take, the hard part was already over with. 

In the late evening you stood by that beach again, the view was incredible. You sat down in the sand and got comfortable leaning against a rock and letting the tide touch the tips of your toes. You were naughty today, you bought enough substances from clinics or herb stands to be sure you felt good in your last moments. You took them quickly and then rested your head back against the rock, letting the sound of waves softly crashing, leaves rustling and the odd animal chirp lull your mind. It took some effort not to fall asleep just yet, you blinked your eyes harshly and woke yourself up a bit. This part was slightly uncomfortable, the beach you woke up on had a slight cliff, nothing you'd die by jumping off of, it was just a little steep incline but it was enough. You took a large rock from nearby and rolled it closer to the edge, tying a rope around and around your ankle. Drowning didn't seem like a peaceful death but at least like this your body can be washed into the sea where it can decay in peace without traumatising a random person strolling the beach. You relaxed and took out the large knife you had brought with you. Bleeding out decreases the time by knocking yourself out and not having enough energy to wake up in the water and struggle. You should be numb enough now. You closed your eyes and cut lengthwise, both arms, a leg… you tried your neck but even drugged up that was beyond doable. You didn't even register when you had stopped, you didn't see the blood flowing or feel the pain as it pooled, slowly your will died out as everything became hazed. It was a feeling, not a good or bad one, you couldn't even think. You felt the weight on your ankle tug, your consciousness dropping and allowing the gravity to pull you away. Black. 

[dzpenumbra]

1/12/23

I'm eating Ben & Jerry's Dirt Cake ice cream. It's good. :D

Today was pretty heavily dominated by a difficult focal point. I'm noticing that my isolation and social starvation has sent me to social media again. It always seems to, I really don't have a lot of options socially currently. It may seem odd saying this... on a social media platform... but this site has pretty constantly been mostly one-way communication, people don't really interact on here with my stuff. And that's cool, don't get me wrong, I don't mean that passive aggressively, merely factually. My purpose of doing this journal is not affected even remotely by interaction, the purpose is solely to keep my stream-of-consciousness create flow muscles in shape, to therapeutically work through the day's issues and to counteract my own social anxiety by doing this in a public format. By the time I hit Post, my process is done, so... no big there. Anything else is extra.

After the whole thing last week, I haven't really felt cool with my city's subreddit. And reddit as a whole just... most of the conversations are like 80% people I really don't want anything to do with. Like... super judgmental, superficial, egotistical, hedonistic, antisocial people. Just not the kind of people I want to be hanging out with. And reddit has had by far the most ridiculously heinous ads. So I really want to stray from there. I tried Insta today, but that is seriously 1 ad every 5 posts you look at. It's fucking stupid. The ads are more palatable but like... it just puts a bad taste in my mouth. Like I'm sorry, I'm not in the mood to buy something right now, I just fucking woke up and I just want to watch some skate clips and art stuff.

I did yoga, which was good but... again... I hit the road block of not being able to get into a pose and then I was just super behind for a bit. Frustrating. But I got past it and it was good. After that... was the big bad moment.

I fell for clickbait. I saw a video on my recommended feed that was blaming The Berrics for fucking this dude over. It was over an hour long of this dude just sitting in front of a camera with a super expensive mic and just talking. Let me preface this by saying I actually got an early start to the day and was planning to get groceries. I clicked the video. This guy was... ... sad? I guess? I don't know how to really put it. Like... he was trying to impress his dad or something? But... in a "I'm a self-help guru" and "I'm a professional businessman" kinda way. And I looked through his videos, he had like 67K subs but his last few videos were getting like double digit views. Like the highest view count video he had was like 20K, and he had over 60K subs? I mean... yeah. I shit you not he was wearing both a hat and a hoodie with the words "Doubt Me" on them, and had his hashtag "#doubtme" (please for the love of god do not give this guy the analytic affirmation of searching that, no matter how morbid the curiosity may be) on screen the whole time. It was his "mantra". <facepalm> How could I say no to that? I doubted him. I mean, he was asking so nicely!

I start to write my "reaction" in the comments section. I could go on for a long time rehashing the details of that, but to put it succinctly, he did some... really sketchy and possibly illegal shit... and was putting this video out there as like... shifting the blame onto the Berrics. Trying to specifically out the founder, Steve Berra. Like personally naming him, and using his logo and his fucking face as the thumbnail for the video. Like... talk about defamation lawsuit, man. The dude just got control of his business back from sketchy stockholders like 3 fucking days ago after 5 years, and he has this eyebrow-waxing motherfucker shitting on his name like that. And, from as far as I could tell, it was primarily because he was having trouble being assertive and saying "no" to someone who was very blatantly trying to use The Berrics brand and image as a way to self-promote, trying to piggyback off their fame. Ugh, I'm getting upset again.

So here's the problem. I finally wrapped up the video and my whole like... in-depth 2+ page response. I was squirming in my chair like a toddler I had to piss so bad. I looked at the clock, it was past 5PM. I have no idea when I sat down and opened that, I'd ballpark around 1:30 or 2. I felt like I fucking time-traveled. And it wasn't even worth it. For real. I deleted the fucking comment. It wasn't going to make a difference, it was like a 2 page comment, who is going to read that? And what difference will it make? It's like... a reaction video in itself. I just deleted it and booked it up to the shower, praying I could get to the grocery store in time because I had my therapy appointment today.

I did not have enough time. I started shopping on Instacart, because a storm is coming, so I needed food. I got the order in the cart and... my mom calls. Half an hour before my meeting. I pick up and start unloading, which just spirals into catastrophizing. It got dark real quick. From "I lost time" to "I'm a fuck up" to "I have no friends" to "its not safe to meet new people". In like not even 10 minutes. Ugh. Luckily I went to therapy and got tons of that cleared up, and got a huge dose of like... "hey dude, by the way, that's not your fault. You suffered because of that, and you didn't even enjoy it. You were baited, and you didn't enjoy it, so don't beat yourself up over that. It's in the past." It helped a ton, and we went over different executive functioning tools to help with getting stuff done and daily structuring too. It was super helpful, I felt a ton better.

Then I called my mom back and apologized for my depressive episode, which is weird because... again... I shouldn't really apologize for something I can't really help because it hits me the hardest... but I apologized for how it affected her, because it must've been jarring. I felt like it was the right thing to do. And it was a nice moment.

The rest of the night was cooking potatoes, taking down timestamps on the Ancestors vids so I can maybe put together a little short narrative video from that. And... ice cream. Yep. That was my entire day. But, good news, got my groceries. I said fuck it and got the Instacart and I got lucky because the person made good substitutions when I was in my session. Now I'm just gonna prep for an early night. I'm really emotionally drained from it all. I don't fucking care anymore (at least not at the moment) if people out there think my problems are stupid or other people have it worse. The chain reactions in my head, the spirals that happen, the emotional burden of it all... it's rough. And if people are just going to scoff and compete and talk shit, I really hope they just keep fucking scrolling.

If it's one thing I need to take from today, it's that I need to stop giving my emotional bandwidth and energy to people who would never offer that much to me in return. I wrestle back and forth on where that fits on an ethical scale, as far as like... being a "good person"... but on a survival scale? I just can't do it. It doesn't make me a bad person to walk away from people who don't take my debilitating struggles seriously, it makes me... a self-respecting person.

[thedamageofherdays]

This week's [23-08-2021 - 29-08-2021] reading log is here! I read a lot again this week and I feel like it's a lovely variety of fics. Most fics are Stucky like usual, but there's at least one other ship. I am constantly amazed by the talent people have in this fandom! There was one fic I read on Tumblr that I can't seem to find unfortunately, but when I do I'll make sure to reblog and rec it 💕

Favourites are marked with a 🌻

When life gives you lemons by moonthejedi394 @moonythejedi394 [Stucky, 40k words, Mature] (12/15 chapters available)

Or 13 Terrible Things to Do With Lemons Other Than Making Lemonade

Steve Rogers is a home health nurse. He works for an agency, which assigned him to the aging Winifred Barnes, the one and only Silent Era Hollywood darling. As her needs increased, she requested the agency assign Steve to her full-time. She could pay for it, so she got it. Steve then moved in with her, becoming her caregiver; he cooked, he cleaned, he managed her medications, he made sure she was comfortable.

Winifred's children treated him less than ideally. He was the help, after all. And then Steve had the audacity to go and turn out to be eldest son James Barnes's soulmate. No one saw that coming.

The Masseur and the Assassin by buckybarnesdeservestobehappy @buckybarnesdeservestobehappy [Stucky, 17k words, Explicit]

Bucky Barnes needed a vacation from his job. What he found was a happy ending.

The Words Breathe by buckbarnesdeservestobehappy [Stucky, 1k words, Mature]

All Steve has to do is keep his promise. When he doesn’t, Bucky gets mouthy.

Soft by this_wayward_life @wayward-lives [Stucky, 2k words, Explicit]

The last time he'd seen Bucky he'd looked unhealthy, with pallid skin and greasy, lanky hair. Now, Bucky shone; his hair was thick and silky, his skin a deep bronze from spending so much time outside. He was softer, too; the hard muscle that used to cover him was now replaced by soft fat, his body still strong, but in a more mundane way. His thighs were thicker, his ass plumper, and when he'd pulled Steve into the river Steve had noticed the pudge on his stomach.

Seeing Bucky so happy, well-fed and shining, was a bit of a kick in the face. For all the years they'd known each other, he'd never seen Bucky so... care-free. Now that Bucky was putting on weight, his middle soft and his body malleable, it sent a bolt of arousal through Steve every time he noticed the curves of Bucky's body.

Or: Bucky put on a bit of weight in Wakanda, and Steve is Not Coping.

🌻 Revive Another Side of Me by dontcallmebree @iamthe-wo-manwhocan [Stucky, 1k words, Mature]

Steve’s never lived in a world without Bucky, and he’s not living now. It takes them a while, much too long, to get that awaited rest, a little slice of peace after the dust has settled.Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes are inseparable, history remembers. But they’re not men of the past quite yet.

🌻 imagine being loved by me by spacebuck @spacebuck [Stucky, 20k words, Explicit]

Just after 1am - a few hours after he posted today’s photo - he hears the tell-tale sound of a twitter message. Bucky grabs his phone, not checking who it’s from as he opens it because it’s probably one of his mutuals yelling at him as per usual. When he actually looks at his phone, though, it’s not Natasha

The ‘verified’ check stares back at him for a long moment before he can even bring himself to process the name on his screen. Steve Rogers is messaging him. Or, he reasons, a very good fake. The handle looks right though, not that Bucky knows. Not that Bucky has Captain’s America’s tweets set up as notifications, or that Bucky’s own display name is set to captain america’s bitch. Not at all.

Hey, the first message says. It’s Steve.

🌻 JB’s Complete Lube Services by dixons_mama @dixons-mama [Stucky, 3k words, Explicit]

People just didn’t approach Captain America and proposition him. Although, sometimes Steve wished they would; even the pinnacle of virtue and justice needed to get dicked down from time to time.

Or, the one where Steve has the hots for a mechanic and decides to be proactive in getting that dick.

If it had to be someone by rainbow_nerds [Stucky, 1k words, Mature]

Bucky had known since he was a child that he didn’t have a choice in who he married, but he’d thought he had more time before the day arrived.

Miscalculations by christywantspizza @christywantspizza [Ransom Drysdale/Reader, 6k words, Explicit]

Ransom tries to get you to sleep with him by less than honorable means. You give him what he wants, just not how he wants it.

How to Seduce a Writer by obsessivereader [Stucky, 2k words, Teen]

What's a determined master strategist going to do when the oblivious writer he's trying to woo keeps missing all the clues?

He doesn’t think it’s because he hadn’t signaled his own interest to Bucky. He’s pretty much done everything short of hitting Bucky over the head with semaphore flags by this point. There’s no way Bucky could’ve missed them. Unless… There’d been that one link he’d stumbled upon when he’d googled ‘how to talk to a writer’. It’d been written by a writer, who’d been candid about how oblivious writers could be, and how someone could go about seducing one. An idea starts to form. It’s ridiculous, but at this point, he’s willing to go with ridiculous, since subtle wasn’t getting him anywhere.

🌻 Pod Bless America by Deisderium @deisderium [Stucky, 6k words, Teen]

Bucky can't believe his favorite podficcer recorded his newest fanfic AU of the show Commandos. He's even more surprised when the customer who busts him listening to fic while he's working in the office supply store turns out to be that podficcer.

* The guy—maybe bi_shield?—took his phone, looked down at the screen, and smiled. "Yeah, that one's mine," he said with no evidence of embarrassment. "It was a good one." He handed the phone back to Bucky.

"I wrote it," Bucky croaked.

take a bite by wearing_tearing [Stucky, 7k words, Mature]

"I’d never let anyone freeze to death.” Steve gives a big sigh and flutters his lashes. “All that blood gone to waste.”

Bucky’s lips turn down and his nose scrunches up a little. “I want to be grossed out, but…”

“But you get it.” Steve gives him a pointed look. “Vampires aren’t the only ones who can appreciate how juicy blood is.”

*

Or: Vampire Steve saves newly-turned werewolf Bucky from a snowstorm.

Leaving the Shield Behind by BuckyAboveEverything [Stucky, 6k words, Teen]

“So, on one hand, we have Steve Rogers - hunk, genius, animal lover. Buys you waffles and overpriced coffee. 100% wholesome all-American boy.”

“And, on the other hand, we have Capsicle – twink, smart-ass, fanboy. Reads your stories and sends you fanart. Possibly a pervert or a serial killer.”

Bucky groaned.

“I am 100% certain I am 0% sure of what to do."

Bucky Barnes, full-time copywriter and free-time fanfic writer, struggles to choose between two equally-attractive suitors, only to find that he doesn’t have to after all.

* Based on a true story *

Cap's Book Corner by Neche [Stucky, 2k words, Teen]

Recluse Author Bucky Barns stumbles into fanboy Steve Rogers bookstore one day...

Cat Nap by galwednesday @galwednesday [Stucky, 8k words, Teen]

Objectively, losing the Bucharest safehouse and its contents was the least of Bucky’s problems. The balding agent he’d seen directing the raid was apparently affiliated with SHIELD, which was a shadowy government agency that made representatives from other shadowy government agencies suddenly remember urgent appointments when Bucky tried to bribe, threaten, and otherwise shake them down for information on what the hell SHIELD might want with a former brainwashed assassin. Dodging SHIELD should be his number one priority.

Subjectively, he wanted his fucking cat back.

at any given moment by honeypuffed [Stucky, 1k words, Teen]

Steve and Bucky find out that everyone thinks they're sleeping together.

Brought to Brightness by eyres [Stucky, 10k words, Teen]

Army veteran Bucky Barnes has fallen in love with Steve, a guy he met online a few months after he returned from Afghanistan. Only problem is, he doesn't know Steve's last name or even what he looks like.

When his sister helps him send his story into MTV's Catfish, he's hoping they can help him meet Steve or, at least, let him move on with his life if Steve isn't real. Little does he know, Steve and Captain America have more in common than just a first name.

🌻 Nokken Wood by leveragehunters @leveragehunters [Stucky, 10k words, Teen]

When Sam's friend needs a house-sitter for his place in the country, Steve jumps at the chance. Six months rent-free to do nothing but draw and paint and wander the countryside, looking for inspiration? It was like a dream. But when he gets lost in a storm and nearly falls into a pond he starts to rethink the whole like a dream aspect of life in the country. And when a red-eyed, sharp-clawed, silver-fanged creature rises out of the darkness, Steve is one hundred percent certain the dream's morphed into a nightmare.

...until it gives him a cup of tea.

(Inspired partly by this prompt a supernatural creature is supposed to scare you but instead it gives you a cup of tea and a blanket because you're having a bad day and you keep coming back and partly by this painting.)

Professional Pride by galwednesday [Stucky, 700 words, Teen]

Bucky is having a very good day, until he turns around and finds himself face-to-face with Captain America.

“Oh shit,” he blurts before he can stop himself, and Captain America blinks at him. “Hey, hi, I didn’t expect to see you here.” Here, at New York’s Pride parade, surrounded by thousands of happy screaming people wearing rainbows and sometimes not much else. What is he doing here? Is he on guard duty or something? Was he just on a mission and happened to be passing by on his way back?

He’s in uniform but with the cowl loose around his neck, so when he rubs the back of his head it fluffs up his matted hair. “I, uh. I saw one of your–temporary tattoos?” Captain fucking America says, like it’s a question.

The A-bridged Guide to Trolling by galwednesday [Stucky, 1k words, Teen]

“I don’t have any money.”

Oh no, now the girl looked upset. Her eyes were huge and her lip was wobbling. Bucky tried to think fast despite the oh shit oh shit oh shit looping through his head.

“That’s okay,” Bucky said gently. “I don’t need money. We can figure out another kind of toll.”

The girl frowned at him. “Like what?”

Bucky scratched his head, trying to think of something a kid was certain to have on hand. “Do you know any jokes?”

(Fantasy AU in which Steve is a hedge witch with a green thumb, Bucky is a bridge troll who's new in town, and knock-knock jokes are a viable form of currency.)

It's a bittersweet ending (if you know what I mean) by relenafanel [Stucky, 1k words, Teen]

“I’ll see you around, Steve,” Bucky answers with a smirk, moving away from the counter with a wink.

Steve watches him go. Bucky’s wearing a pair of skinny jeans coated in something to give the appearance of leather. It’s impossible to not watch him go.

stuck on you by wearing_tearing [Stucky, 5k words, Teen]

“Bucky? You don’t look so hot.”

Bucky makes a tiny little sound in the back of his throat, only to start coughing. Of course he doesn’t look hot. He’s sick and he’s dying and Steve obviously isn’t attracted to him.

Decision-Making in Relationships (Paid Research Opportunity!) by castiowl [Stucky, 8k words, Teen]

Clint looked thoughtfully at the flyer. “I guess your actual roommate wouldn’t be down with it?”

Bucky frowned. “Have you met Steve Rogers?”

no way out but through by hollimichele [Stucky, 9k words, Teen]

Steve never sees it coming.

you got blood on your hands (and i know it's mine) by nighimpossible [Stucky, 3k words, Teen]

Bucky refuses to see Steve after his deprogramming.

Like What You See by daisymondays [Stucky, 8k words, Teen]

For all the time Bucky’s spent fantasizing about meeting Captain America, he’d never imagined it would be while posing nude in front of a drawing class.

🌻 A Real Boy by itsnotbleak [Stucky, 5k words, Teen]

It took the Winter Soldier three weeks to remember that human beings needed to sleep and eat.

It took Steve far too long to realise the Winter Soldier was sleeping in his bed.

Amapola by chaya [Stucky, 830 words, Teen]

Total fluff. Bucky's recovering nicely. Steve's oblivious. Sometimes it's best to set aside subtlety for action.

Knocking Boots With Sugar by buckybarnesdeservestobehappy [Stucky, 4k words, Explicit]

In between summers at college, Steve Rogers wants a new adventure beyond his lonely life in Brooklyn. He ends up in West Texas working on a dude ranch where Bucky Barnes is a long-time employee. When Bucky offers to buy Steve a drink, they end up drunk on tequila and making out in public. For the rest of the summer, they're inseparable. As the summer draws to a close, Steve realizes he doesn't want to leave.

Rogers and Associate by roe87 @jro616 [Stucky, 7k words, Teen]

When they first meet, Bucky is a hooker and Steve is a cop. She's been arrested, but Steve lets her off.

Years pass and they maintain a casual friendship, seeing each other out on the streets most nights.

Though he later makes detective, Steve loses faith in the system and quits his job.

He wants to set up as a private investigator, and he asks Bucky if she'd be his assistant.

Just in time by rainbow_nerds [Stucky, 1k words, Mature]

Bucky knew the apartment he was renting was old fashioned, but walking in the front door and finding himself transported back to 1938 was not on the list of things he had prepared himself for.

🌻 You Like What's in My Head by dontcallmebree [Stucky, 15k words, Explicit] (with art by @kocuria)

Bucky can’t decide if Steve’s a tough nut to crack or incredibly easy. The timbre of his voice, a low and almost amused, “Sure, kid,” when Bucky asks for a drink feels like something gripping him on the back of his neck.

He thinks this might be one of those moments in life he’ll pinpoint in the future and either curse at for dooming himself, or remember fondly with pride.

He’s right. Bucky Barnes blunders through falling in love with Commander Rogers and tries to find a deeper meaning behind the expensive gifts and thorough fucking.

Can I Sit Here? by BuckyFrickenBarnes [Stucky, 962 words, General]

Bucky has unusual methods for getting rid of his writer's block.

Or, Bucky needs that table.

Workplace Romance by BuckyFricken Barnes [Stucky, 1k words, General]

Bucky is under the impression that his boss hates him.

Or,

Steve needs to get better at dealing with his feelings.

🌻 1-800-MAYTAG by Miss Plum @misspluckyplum [Stucky, 1k words, Explicit]

Bucky just wants to get some housework done. It gets out of hand fast. Silly little fluff and smut romp with snarky stucky boys.

Eyes of the Forest by Lordelannette [Stucky, 7k words, Explicit] (2/8 chapters available)

When Omega Bucky Barnes comes to Eagle Lake, it was in search of wolves, a creature that had not been seen in the area for decades.

What he finds instead is Steve Rogers, a handsome, though quiet Alpha who seems to be everywhere in the forest.

[muldxr]

Annual Writing Self Evaluation 2021

Thanks so much to @ladyaj-13 for the tag!

☀️☀️☀️☀️

1. Number of stories posted to AO3: 5

2. Word count posted for the year: 49054

3. Fandoms I wrote for: One Direction

4. Pairings: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson

There’s maybe one or two gen fics in there too!

5. Story with the most Kudos/Bookmarks/Comments:

Kudos/comments: let me show you

Bookmarks: shuffle off this immortal coil

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why):

I think it’s got to be SOTIC again. It was the second fic I started writing this year and the longest 😊 It also was the one I put together an entire outline for (which I didn’t do for the first fic I wrote) and a three-hour playlist (forever my favorite playlist!). I think I included a lot of my own emotions and interests and things that made me laugh and cry, and I think no matter what happens going forward it’s always going to be that one I’m proud of (even if I get better at connecting complicated plot points)

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why):

I don’t want to say any of them but maybe noisemaker ? I love the reception it’s gotten, which definitely surprised me since it’s not exactly a romantic fic. I think the reason I’m not proud of it is because I had to change the soulmates prompt in the midst of a very busy real life, and this was all I cranked out in a few weeks. I think my only wish is that it were longer and I could have added a few more characters to really establish the soulmate world, but it’s okay the way it is and I’m so grateful for the nice comments on that one!

8. Share or describe a favourite review you received:

I don’t know what to choose, really! All reviews are good reviews in my book and I learn from every comment so I can see what people liked. I think there was one comment that said this was their favorite thing they had read all year ?! 😭

9. A time when writing was really, really hard:

Definitely October-November! I had two fest deadlines and I was going through a busy point with schoolwork/life that made me feel like writing wasn’t good enough, or nothing was making it onto that google doc that I didn’t delete an hour later. I had to remind myself to take a break and that inspiration would strike when it would, and not to rush it. Writing multiple fics at once is a definite tough feat!

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

Ah this question is a good one! I think the whole of good, good graces surprised me because it was my first smut fic and when I submitted it I thought to myself, “can i take it back, i don’t want anyone to read it!” (even typing this out feels weird) but it’s cute and established HL which I hadn’t done in other fics

11. A favourite excerpt of your writing:

Don’t make me pick!! Okay, here’s a part from SOTIC I thought was hilarious because of the film/picture narrative I included here -

The food arrives an hour and a half later. They spend the evening watching an old black-and-white picture, (“Moving pictures, H.” “Film! Just say film!”), and Harry begs for cuddles, closing the space between their bodies and making excuses for the cold.

After the moving picture (sorry, film) ends, Harry’s head is still on Louis's chest, rising with each breath they take. Louis watches the credits roll, waits until the screen turns black and the room goes dark, and gently taps Harry’s shoulder.

12. How did you grow as a writer this year:

I started writing fic in June so I think that’s a big growth? I’ve been writing casually for ten years on and off, and that skill was only practiced through poetry and journaling so storytelling is a really new venue. I also made some writer friends (hi guys) and I have a lot to learn!

13. How do you hope to grow next year:

Next year is only a few days away! 😱🤯 I hope to grow in my writing style and variety of how I include details and dialogue without being repetitive. Another goal is to write one or two longer fics! (To me that means over 20k words)

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

I think every friend who I’ve vented to about any fic has been a positive influence haha they know who they are 😂 seriously it’s probably the 1d library discord, they are an incredible bunch of writers who’ve been so welcoming and encouraging to each other and it’s a great group!

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

Let me show you was definitely inspired by the (very very few) basement parties I had in high school/college, and “Are ghosts real?” aka the Buzzfeed Unsolved au was based on a real haunted cemetery nearabouts somewhere I was growing up. And of course, the end of noisemaker included a certain food item that I’m very fond of and would like on a sandwich any day

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

Write whatever you want! Even if it seems ridiculous or too cliche, I promise you people will like it. There’s that meme where a person goes “And there was only one bed.” And the other person goes “AND THERE WAS ONLY ONE BED?!!!!!” I think that sums up the fic experience pretty well. Don’t hold back, and read read read! You’ll understand how a story flows from a reader’s perspective and you can pick up on tiny writing styles.

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

I am really looking forward to getting the first draft of my x-files au finished (I just passed 5k words and I want it to be at least 20k! No set deadline for this one, really). I am also focusing on the 1d song fic fest due in March! Aaaaaand I’m taking part in the 22 Big Bang as an artist for one fic, and a beta for another fic 📚

I might join some more fests like I did this year because it was really fun being a part of something that so many creative approaches were taken on prompts… but I need to be a better planner about that! I have a few other ideas that didn’t really come to light but I hope new stories might inspire me in 2022.

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read.

sorry y’all, I’m not sure who’s already been tagged so if you’re a writer and you see this you are absolutely welcome to do this game too!!

[intoxicatingimmediacy]

Fandom Fic Rec Days - CQL/MDZS

I bring you FIC RECS! ENJOY! And to our beloved writers - THANK YOU! I don’t have the words to express my gratitude for how much joy you bring into the world. 

Under the cut there will be pining, there will be devotion, there will probably (definitely) be kink, and most of all there will be rampant wangxian.

For my first ever fic rec post, these are the first stories I thought of without checking my downloads. Some I read long enough ago that I don’t remember them exactly, but they must've hit me hard enough to recall their names off the top of my head. Some of them are definitely top tier ultimate favourites, but many of those are also missing from this list as I’ve spent the last year in Severe Lockdown feat. Hours Of Ao3 Every Day.

A caveat: I read wide - as in, I enjoy interpretations of the characters that contradict how I experience them in canon, as long as they have internal consistency. For example, in canon WWX doesn't read as self-loathing to me - he’s seethes confidence in his abilities; it's his place in the world that he struggles with - but I thoroughly enjoy fics rooted in self-worth issues. So, YMMV.

In the same vein, I like pure CQL, pure MDZS, and mash-ups, as well as RPF; my squicks are few and far between, my triggers nonexistent, and I have happily eaten many a dead dove. For our yown safety, read the tags.

+ Linger in the Sun by etymologyplayground, Teen/39k

"Tell Lan Zhan that I'm weeping uncontrollably," Wei Wuxian says to the juniors. "Tell him I'm truly pitiful and he needs to do everything I say until I'm well again."

Lan Congyi is in the middle of carefully holding his eyelids open to check his pupils, but he still obeys, bless him. "Hanguang-Jun, Senior Wei would like us to tell you that he can't stop crying and he'd like for you to do everything he says until he's better." There's a moment of silence, and then Lan Congyi says to Wei Wuxian, "Hanguang-Jun says he already does everything you tell him."

- Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji find themselves cursed, unable to see or hear each other. They figure things out anyway.

(I remember reading this on a long train ride home over a year ago, so spellbound even after finishing, that I alighted a stop too early.)

+ The Absolutely True Story of the Yiling Patriarch by aubreyli, Teen/20k

Wei Wuxian’s hand jolts, spilling a drop of wine onto the tabletop. “Love?” he croaks, then clears his throat and tries again. “Lan Zh— uh, Hanguang-jun, in love?”

“Have you not heard the story?” the other young woman asks, looking pitying. “You must, it is a truly heartrending tale of star-crossed romance and mutual pining — go to any storyhouse in town, everyone has been requesting a reading of this book.”

“There’s a book?” Wei Wuxian says blankly.

- In which the junior disciples (namely, Lan Jingyi, Ouyang Zizhen, and a reluctant Lan Sizhui) turn to RPF in an attempt to rehabilitate Wei Wuxian's reputation so that he and Hanguang-jun can get together and get married and live happily ever after. It's… surprisingly effective.

(My original comment, because it’s been too long, I think it’s long overdue a re-read: ‘Pure joy! This made my whole week. My cheeks ache from all the giddy smiling at my screen.’)

+ An Account of His Days by theherocomplex, Teen/3k

Someone, someday, may read it, though what they will gain from doing so is anyone's guess. They will learn he loves Wei Wuxian, but that is no secret. It never was.

(Utterly gorgeous and so very much exactly how I headcanon LWJ's inner life.)

+ (our friendship) up against the ropes by daltoneering, Explicit/36k

The reboot completes, and Wei Ying’s brain smashes this information together into two mind-shattering thoughts. Number one, he knew very well already, and is now further seared by defined muscles and a mouth-watering tattoo into his every waking moment: Lan Zhan is the hottest fucking person on the planet.

Number two: that guy wasn’t visiting Lan Zhan’s neighbour, he was visiting Lan Zhan, which means:

Lan Zhan fucks.

Lan Zhan fucks.

Lan Zhan fucks.

- Lan Zhan has been Wei Ying's best friend for years. Literally, years. How did he not already know? How has he missed this most important of facts? And more importantly, how is he ever going to get over it?

(My salivating comment upon the first read: ‘Ah I'm so glad I waited until you had finished posting the whole glorious thing so I could inhale it in one delicious go. Not that I did, I had to take a break twice, just so that it'd last longer, so I could live with it in my brain for a few hours more.’)

+ Meng Yao vs. the Board of the Homeowner's Association by Ariaste, Mature/114k (as of this post, series not concluded)

Two gremlins, their husbands, and the horrible HOA board. As long as nobody gets arrested for arson or murder, we're gonna call it a win.

(Mainly XiYao, with WangXian secondary, but this one is really about the ridiculously stupendously funny. As in, I discovered new sounds coming from myself, ever escalating levels of snortcackling.)

+ For a Good Time, Call by ScarlettStorm, Explicit/171k

The picture is of Wei Ying, that much is clear. It’s of a lot more of Wei Ying than Lan Zhan is used to seeing. He supposes that, technically, Wei Ying is dressed. It’s a bare technicality, since one of Wei Ying’s hands has rucked up his black tank top practically to his collarbone, showing a long expanse of abdomen and one nipple. Sweat beads on his sternum, catching the light like jewels. His other hand is--Lan Zhan feels his eyes widen, as though unable to look away from a train wreck--on his hip, one thumb tugging down the waistband of a pair of red briefs. Wei Ying is biting his lower lip and looking directly into the camera, sultry, his eyes dark and inviting. His erection is obvious, outlined against the red of the briefs and framed carefully with the hand on his hip. Lan Zhan’s brain goes wildly, screamingly blank.

Or: Lan Zhan accidentally finds his best friend's OnlyFans account and has an ongoing emotional crisis.

(This one has so much, the funny, the painful, the smut, it has such meaty substance to it. I get a craving every few weeks to re-read and it never fails to make my belly go swoop. ‘Just... one of the most satisfying reads EVER.’)

RPF

+ Fixtures and Fittings by ella_minnow, Explicit/42k

The client is tall and slim, the padded leather motorcycle jacket he wears adding artificial bulk to his upper body which angles sharply in to slender legs braced wide on either side of the bike. His face is fine-boned and delicate and -

Very, very familiar.

It’s a face that Xiao Zhan has seen daily for the last several months, although never in real life. No, he’s used to seeing it through his kitchen window, twelve feet tall on the billboard that graces the side of the building down the block from his apartment.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

It’s Wang Yibo.

(One of my very first loves in this fandom way back when; wonderfully engaging and detailed.)

+ The Scent of Happiness by mrsronweasley, Explicit/49k

He raises his head up at the drinks menu and that's when the guy behind the counter turns around and greets them both with a smile.

Oh.

Yibo is aware that he's staring, but he just. Can't stop. The guy is tall--taller than Yibo—with long hair tied loosely into a bun. Soft bangs cover his forehead, with longer tendrils framing the most beautiful face Yibo has ever seen on a human person. And Yibo has met a lot of beautiful human people.

(My flailing comment upon first reading: ‘Some moments you had me literally, physically breathless. I kept copypasting exceptionally exquisite sentences out to flail over their particulars but the list got too long. I feel like my ribcage has been cracked open and my heart is bigger after having read your gorgeous words.’ I think I enjoyed it.)

[ppangjae]

CUTS HEAL IN TIME | 01

Summary. Jung Jaehyun is the man every mother would want their daughter to have. He has everything you would ever want in a guy; a beautiful charm, a handsome face, a successful business, and an overflow of money. While Jaehyun has everything he needs, he can’t seem to get what he truly wants. And what he truly wants is a woman he’s been in love with for years. But she’s getting married to someone that’s not him. To make things worse, she’s even asked for his help in planning her wedding.

→ or, alternatively: Jung Jaehyun thinks the love of his life is his long lost childhood friend. But that’s only what he thinks.

Word Count. 9.5k+ words (someone please stop me)

Genre. fluff, angst, light smut (in the last part!) + ceo!jaehyun and long lost childhood friend!au (this addition was last minute, in case you were wondering)

author’s note. i’m happy that the first part is out! since the whole one shot is roughly 20k words, i decided to split it into two parts. this will sort of benefit mobile readers. the second (and final) part will be posted soon, i just need to make final touches and edits before it’s good to go. and before this author’s note gets longer than it should, i highly suggest listening to Cuts Heal in Time by Mac Ayres while reading this!

part 01 | part 02 (coming soon!)

When people meet Jaehyun for the first time, he gets one of four common questions:

How does it feel to be one of the top CEOs in South Korea?

How does it feel to be a billionaire architect in the making? 

Are you single? I know someone you might be interested in!

When are you planning on settling down? Are you planning on getting married soon?

Jaehyun is all about first impressions. In fact, because of his luxurious life, people’s first impressions of him are already made up. He’s one of the top CEOs in the country, a billionaire architect in the making, and a good-looking bachelor. But all of this is a product of his hard work. He has been running the family business ever since his father retired. His business is only going up from here. Having everything he needs is an understatement. He has more than what he needs.

But he can’t get what he wants. He wants to fill up the empty spot in his heart. Sure, he’s a good-looking bachelor, but that’s because he can’t bring himself to pursue the woman he’s been in love with for half of his life. What he was is her, and once he has her, his life is considered complete. But that doesn’t happen overnight, and that doesn’t happen as easily as he thinks.

After all, you can’t have everything you want.

BREAKING NEWS: Song Misun of Song Associates is engaged to Kim Junhwa of Kim Garments.

Jaehyun grabs the remote and immediately turns the widescreen TV off. He couldn’t bear listening to the news anchor’s voice rambling on and on about the engagement. But even with the TV shut off, he can still hear the words engagement and Song Misun echoing and chanting in his head like a mantra. But in an instant, the voices in his head are cut off by a soft, gentle voice.

“Mr. Jung, would you like a cup of coffee?”

As he turns around and tosses the remote onto his desk, he spots you, his personal secretary, standing at the door. You wait patiently for his answer while hugging the daily planner to your chest. He purses his lips into a tight line and his eyebrows start to knit together. You internally sigh, making note of how your boss is definitely not in a good mood today. 

“Maybe a cup of coffee will help,” he replies after some thought and takes a seat at his desk. 

You muster up a smile because it’s all you could do. “I’ll be right back with your coffee then, sir.”

As you walk through the HR department, you stop in front of one of the cubicles. You lean against the frame of the cubicle to see Johnny typing away on his computer. Stuck around the perimeter of his computer screen are a collection of polaroid pictures of him and his younger brother Mark, both of you sipping cups of coffee at cafes, and candid photos you took of him. 

A warm smile appears on your face. Clearing your throat to catch his attention, he stops typing to crack his knuckles and turns around to face you. 

“Nice to see you on this lovely morning,” he greets you while wiggling his eyebrows. He nods his head at the door to Mr. Jung’s office. “Is he in a good mood today?”

You sigh sadly while shaking your head. “I don’t think so. He might ask me to work overtime, so I might have to cancel our plans tonight. The whole merge with the Park’s is making me busier than usual.”

“Yeah, I could tell. I might have to cancel too. A new intern is coming this afternoon and I have to train him. God knows how long that will take.” He groans and rubs at his temples as if it’ll make his stress disappear. “By the way, any updates on that childhood friend you’re looking for?”

Childhood friend. A warm smile unknowingly spreads across your lips. Johnny stares at you as your face lights up at the mention of a special person whom you know nothing about. It is what it is. A childhood friend. This childhood friend remains a part of your childhood memories, but with a sudden move to the city, the little boy in your childhood pictures remain nothing but a childhood memory. However, after a heart-wrenching breakup that left you hopeless, you decided to find him, your childhood friend.

“No updates so far. I’m not quite sure where to start. All I have of him are childhood pictures.” You reply as a frown begins to settle on your face. Johnny pouts cutely and your frown is replaced with a small smile. “But I’ll find him somehow.”

He smiles, “I’m sure you’ll find him somehow. He might be closer than you think.”

“I hope so.” You mumble. “Anyways, do you want me to make you a cup of coffee? I’m heading to the lounge to make Mr. Jung one too.”

“Yes, please, I need it.” He slaps at his cheeks to wake himself up. You chuckle at the cute gesture, reaching out to ruffle his hair before heading towards the lounge room. 

As you head to the lounge room, you can’t help but notice the new set of plaques hung up on the wall. Hung up on the wall were awards won by your boss, Mr. Jung. You can’t help but think about how your mother would be more than thrilled if she found out that the man you’re dating so happens to be Mr. Jung Jaehyun. In fact, Jung Jaehyun is the man every mother would want for their daughter.

It would be a lie of you to say that you don’t admire or have some sort of liking towards your boss. Mr. Jung has an indescribable charm, and intimidating yet mysterious aura that instantly draws anyone in. There’s no denying that you find him very appealing to the eye, and you often think that the heavens took a lot of time to create his handsome face.

But you can only dream on. Jung Jaehyun, your boss, the man who’s helping you pay off your student debt, the man helping you pay your rent, is way out of your league.

The lounge room is filled with a couple of employees and interns. As you enter the lounge room, everyone looks at you for a brief moment before bringing their attention back to their own conversations. You quickly brew two fresh cups of coffee, putting in some sugar and creamer in each cup. Stirring the hot drinks with a teaspoon, you hear a couple of gasps and chatter in the room. There are two employees seated on the couch in front of the TV, whispering to each other. You look at them with curiosity, following their gaze towards the TV screen. You read the large headline displayed on the news channel.

A soft gasp escapes your lips and the teaspoon in your hand clatters to the floor.

Soon enough, news about Song Misun’s engagement spread throughout the whole company building like a wildfire. Song Misun is the lucky woman who could potentially fill up the void in Jung Jaehyun’s heart. Her and Jung Jaehyun go way back, for they were childhood friends. Jung Jaehyun is known to be hopelessly in love with her, heck, he’s been in love with her for the longest time. The only problem is that he never got around to pursuing her due to his hectic business. It was also rumoured that Song Misun had returned some sort of feelings for him, but never acted on it either. And so when Song Misun’s engagement news appeared on TV, people showed nothing but mixed emotions after realizing that the man she’s engaged to isn’t Jung Jaehyun.

“Do you mind going over today’s plans?”

You open your daily planner and flip to today’s date, eyes squinting at the written schedule. Mr. Jung is busy catching up and replying to emails from business partners. You look up at him and he stops typing to glance at you.

“You have an appointment with a client at one, followed by a shareholders meeting with Kim Doyoung of Kim Architects and Co. at two-thirty.” You explain. “As for your business trip to Greece, I already booked your plane ticket. I’ll forward the confirmation email and itinerary to you when I get back to my office.”

“Did you manage to get yourself a plane ticket as well?” He asks and you nod your head.

“I called the dry cleaners this morning and your suit won’t be ready for pickup until Thursday.” You add.

“Great.” He nods, leaning back against his chair and letting out a tiring sigh. “I don’t know what I’d do without you, Y/N.”

You smile. “I think you’ll do just fine without me, sir. You already built up a successful business for yourself. My help is nothing compared to the success of the company.”

“We’re glad to have you.” He reassures you. “Anyways, I’ll let you get back to work. With the business merger, it’s only going to get busier from here.”

“Alright, sir.” You gather your things. “Just page me if you need anything.”

As you’re heading towards the door, you hear Mr. Jung call out your name. You slowly turn back around, looking at him questioningly. He looks quite hesitant.

“Yes, sir?”

“Has anyone seen the news lately? Have you seen the news lately?”

“What do you mean, sir?” You ask, acting oblivious and innocent. He scratches the back of his neck.

“Song Misun just got engaged—” His sentence is cut short by a knock at the door. You look over your shoulder to see one of the lobby receptionists, Luna, standing at the door. “Luna-ssi, is there anything I can help you with?”

“Song Misun is here to see you.” She announces while nervously fiddling with her fingers. You glance at Mr. Jung and you could see his face turn pale. You and Luna share a knowing look. 

“You can let her in.” Jaehyun insists and gulps nervously. 

As you both step out of his office, you notice a woman sitting right outside of his office. She has a pair of black shades covering almost half of her face. She’s wearing bold, red lipstick and a black fitted dress. You knew that she’d look blindingly beautiful once she took her sunglasses off. 

“Mr. Jung is ready to see you, Ms. Song.” Luna tells the woman and your eyes slightly widen. She takes off her shades and you almost choke on air.

You were right. She looks stunningly beautiful. Her beauty is foreign and incomparable. She has a nice set of eyes that formed into crescents. She had strong structures and her lips are plump and soft. This is the first time you’ve seen Song Misun in person and the elegance and beauty she has makes you feel insecure. This is the woman that Mr. Jung is in love with?

As she’s thanking Luna and heading inside Mr. Jung’s office, Luna calls out for her one last time. She looks over her shoulder and quirks an eyebrow.

“C-Congratulations on your engagement, Ms. Song.”

Two years ago…

“How long have you been seeing her?”

He looks at you from across the table. You fold your arms and try to resist chucking your hot, steaming cup of coffee at his face. Your bloodshot red eyes are enough to show how much wrath and anger you have within you. The woman that the love of your life has been seeing remains unknown, and although you want to find out who she is, you’re not sure if you have the strength to do it. He doesn’t even want to reveal who she is and it makes you sick.

He cheated on you. 

“For a while now,” he replies.

“Are you in love with her?” You whisper. He winces and looks away from you. At that moment, you knew that he was a goner. You lost him, the man that once fell in love with you and the man that you’re in love with. You scoff. “Kim Junhwa, I’m asking you a simple question. Are you in love with her?”

He doesn’t answer. Instead, he gathers his things in silence. You watch him, your eyes tearing up. You bite your lip to stop yourself from crying. You’re tired of crying. You’ve been crying for three days straight. And it’s all because of him and the woman who replaced you.

“Are you in love with her?” You ask again, your voice cracking, hoping that he might answer this time. “Just tell me, Junhwa, to spare me the pain. It’s the least you could do.”

“I’m sorry, Y/N.” 

You watched him get up and leave. You promised yourself not to let him see you cry, and you never break your promise. Once he’s out of sight, you start to break down, soft sobs escaping your quivering lips. Slowly looking out the window, you see him start his car and drive off. 

You made another promise to yourself that day. You promised yourself that you weren’t going to let another man hurt you like this.

“I want you to help me plan my wedding.”

It takes a while for her words to sink in. But as he’s letting himself comprehend the words she had just said, he’s taking a quick sip of coffee. When her words finally occur to him, he immediately chokes on his coffee. She looks at him alarmingly, eyes widening like saucers. He waves it off, trying to catch his breath. 

“You want me to help—help you— plan—plan your wedding?” He repeats, coughing in between words.

When he finally catches his breath, she replies with a slight nod of her head. He places his palms against his desk and lets out an airy chuckle. She wants him to help plan her wedding? Oh how he wishes it was their wedding. He slowly looks up at her only to find her already looking back at him, awaiting his answer. 

“You do know that you’re only asking for trouble, right?” He smiles with his dimples flashing.

She folds her arms, walking around his office. The sound of her heels clicking against the floor echo throughout his office. She finally stands about one metre away, looking out the window. The large window in Jaehyun’s office overlooks the whole city of Seoul. She glances at him.

“You’re my best friend,” she shrugs her shoulders. “It would be great to have my best friend help me plan my wedding. Besides, I need a second opinion with everything. I want my wedding to be perfect, don’t you want that too?”

He turns around and joins her in watching the hustle and bustle of the city. He finds himself sneaking a look at Misun, and when he does, he grows devastated. It’s official. She’s the one that got away. She’s the best thing he’s never had. She’s the love of his life… and she’s getting married to someone else. 

He tears his gaze away from her.

“I’ll help you plan your wedding. I only want the best for you.”

“You guys looked really close.”

Johnny takes the photo from your fingertips to take a closer look. You briefly look at him before taking a quick sip of your coffee. Setting your drink down, you look at the photo with Johnny. It’s a childhood photo of you and a little boy your age. There are only remnants of this little boy planted in your mind. You remember him living a couple of blocks away from your house. You remember him being your classmate in senior-kindergarten class up until the third grade. You remember forming some sort of bond with the boy. That bond was cut short when your family decided to move to the city. 

And so all you have left that reminds you of the little boy are your childhood photos with him. 

“We were very close,” a faint smile spreads across your lips. “If only I got his email address or a phone number before I moved, I would’ve kept in touch.”

“Do you remember his name at least?” 

You tear your gaze away from Johnny to look at the photo. The faint smile that spread across your lips grows wider. The childhood photo shows you sitting on a swing at the park with the little boy standing behind you, pushing you on the swing. Surrounded around the swingset is an abundance of purple bellflowers. Your eyes squint to see a bracelet on the little boy’s wrist. It’s a silver chain bracelet with a Y charm on it.

“His name is Jung Yoonoh.”

An adorable girl sitting on a swing with a chubby-cheeked boy pushing her from behind. Jaehyun stares at the childhood photo and smiles. It’s a picture of him and Misun when they were four. His eyes trail down towards the necklace worn on her neck. It’s a necklace with the letter M on it. There are a lot of questions that fill Jaehyun’s mind. Did Misun fall in love with someone else because he was too late? Did Misun give up waiting for him? What did Kim Junhwa have that he didn’t? Is it still too late? Why did she—

“Sir?”

He snaps out of his thoughts. You’re standing at the door with his grey tuxedo carefully thrown over your arm. As he stands up, he places the picture of him and Misun into one of the drawers. He heads towards you and gently grabs the suit from you.

“Thanks for picking it up,” he smiles as he hangs up the suit on one of his racks. He dusts off his hands and turns around to face you. “I’m glad you came in early because I have an important and private matter to talk to you about.”

You nod your head, turning around to shut the door behind you. You make yourself comfortable on one of the chairs in front of Mr. Jung’s desk. He clasps his hands together.

“I’m sure you saw Misun come to the office yesterday,” you nod for him to continue. “She had asked me to help plan her wedding.”

“Oh,” you mumble, eyes wide. “But sir, we’re already busy with the merge—”

“Yes, we are, which brings me to my next point.” He says and your hands grip tightly onto your daily planner. “I need you to be with me at all times. There may be last minute meetings, important phone calls, anything, and it’ll be difficult for you to get a hold of me if you aren’t with me. Is that fine with you?”

You nod your head. “It’s fine with me, sir. Do you mind giving me the breakdown of the plans you’ve made with Ms. Song to put in my daily planner?”

He gestures for you to open your planner. As you place the planner onto his desk, he looks at you for permission to go through it. You gently push it towards him and he grabs a pen from one of the pen holders and starts scribbling things in the planner. You sit there awkwardly, looking around his office in silence. Sounds of his pen moving against the paper fill throughout the office. 

“I’ve written everything down,” he mumbles, closing the planner and handing it back to you. “But I’ll give you a breakdown right now just to keep everything in check.”

“Alright, sir.”

“For the next week, we’ll be making trips to the flower shop to pick flowers for bouquets and decorations. The location of the flower shop is near the building, so I see no problems with cancelling meetings that week.” He explains. “After that, we’ll be spending a week and a half cake tasting.”

“Is the bakery far from the company building?”

“We have to take the highway to get to the bakery,” he replies. “I suggest looking at the meetings booked during that week and if time doesn’t permit or coincide, then I give you my permission to cancel them and rebook them for a different day.”

“Got it.” You nod your head, noting it down in your planner.

“After cake tasting, we will spend two weeks picking a wedding dress.” He explains. “The dress fitting and selection will be happening at Misun’s house which isn’t far from the company building, so anything planned that week should be good to go.”

“Alright, sir.” 

“And last but not the least, we will spend three to four weeks searching and picking a venue for the wedding and reception.” He finishes it off. “The venue locations may vary in terms of distance, so I will locate the venues in advance and let you know how far they are. At your own discretion, I expect you to rebook meetings on a day where the venue is a bit far from the company building.”

“Understood, sir.” You flash him a smile. 

“Luckily enough, the business trip to Greece happens right after the venue searching.” He adds. “Do you have any questions or concerns?

You look through the notes you’ve written in your planner and your focus seems to settle on Mr. Jung’s writing. It’s quite neat, you note, before looking back at him. You shake your head in reply.

“None so far, sir.” He clasps his hands together.

“Great. Go grab your things and get ready. We have a flower shop to go to.”

Song Misun does not have a knack for flowers. You let out a sigh for the nth time as you follow your boss around, who follows Misun. The three of you have been staring and sniffing flowers for God knows how long. Luckily enough, there weren’t any meetings or phone calls booked for the day. Unfortunately, this day was supposed to be a day where Mr. Jung can catch up on his sketches and blueprints. Mr. Jung seems to notice that flower picking is taking longer than it should because he gives you a brief glance.

“Misun-ssi, is there a specific type of flower that you like so far?” The florist asks, and you can’t help but hide a smile that’s creeping across your lips. The florist looks at her wrist watch for the third time, growing impatient and tired.

“I’m quite enamoured by those purple flowers… What were they called again?” She asks, dumbfounded. You couldn’t believe it. Misun had dragged you and your boss to the flower shop to pick flowers for her wedding, and after making several rounds in the shop, she still hasn’t made up her mind. 

“We have about ten different types of purple flowers, Misun-ssi…” The florist trails off. “Which one did you like?”

Misun’s eyes wander throughout the flower shop, scanning for the particular purple flower that she had taken an interest in. Mr. Jung glances at you with a knowing look and you slightly shrug your shoulders. You follow Misun’s gaze that falls upon one of the flowers. You could tell it was probably her favourite because her stare lingered on it longer than the rest.

“I really love how those flowers look—”

“Bellflowers?” You and Mr. Jung blurt out in unison, before looking at each other with slight surprise.

“Right!” Misun exclaims. “Yes, it was the bellflower!”

The florist holds in a sigh of relief. “Did you want to settle with the bellflowers or do you want to keep looking?”

“I’ll take the bellflowers,” Misun replies, glancing at Mr. Jung. “What do you think, Jae?”

Jae. You try to stop yourself from smiling at the cute nickname. As you look at your boss, you can’t help but notice how red his ears had gotten. He scratches the back of his neck. 

“You know I have a special connection with bellflowers.” He smiles.

Jaehyun has always had a special connection with bellflowers. Whenever he saw bellflowers, it’s almost as if it takes him back to his childhood days to when he met Misun. They would always race through the neighbourhood to their favourite spot; the swings at the park. Whoever reached the swingset last is forced to push the winner on the swing. He cherishes those memories the most. But those bellflowers… those bellflowers remind him of her. They remind him of the moment where he realized that Misun is someone very special to him.

You know that look on Mr. Jung’s face. They mean one thing and one thing only; love. He really is in love with her. The look on his face makes your heart ache for him. It sort of reminds you of yourself. It reminds you of the time when your ex-lover was in love with someone else. You know that look so well. While you were busy being in love with your ex-lover, he was busy falling out of love with you. You were in love with someone who was falling in love with someone else.

You wish your boss will fall in love with someone who will love him back, because that’s all you could ever do for him; wish.

“How romantic,” the florist muses. “Both of you suit each other very well. I can tell that your husband is very much in love with you.”

It catches him off guard. He snaps out of his thoughts and starts vigorously shaking his head. The florist looks at the two in confusion. You, on the other hand, stand there awkwardly, pondering on whether you should pretend that you didn’t hear what the florist had just said or make an immediate effort to correct her. 

“I think you got it wrong, miss.” Misun chuckles sheepishly while waving it off. “He’s not my fiance.”

The florist looks at her in pure horror. Jaehyun bites back a smile but he can’t seem to stop noticing how his heart is breaking at the same time. 

“I’m so sorry!” The florist blurts out. “I had no idea.”

Misun waves it off. “It’s fine. We often get mistaken as a couple, don’t we, Jae?”

All of the attention is directed towards Jaehyun. He looks at the florist, then towards you, and finally towards Misun. Misun bats her eyelashes innocently and he clears his throat. 

“Y-Yes, we do. We do often get mistaken as a couple.”

You wince and your heart aches for the young man.

Two and a half years ago…

You look at the two necklaces in confusion. Both of the necklaces looked identical. Wrapped around your neck is your necklace with the first letter of your mother’s name, an M. On your right hand, is a similar necklace with the letter M. Nothing but suspicion crosses your mind.

You look over your shoulder to see your boyfriend, Junhwa, fast asleep on the bed. He had come home reeking of alcohol and an unidentified perfume. It definitely wasn’t your perfume. Comparing both necklaces one last time, you gently place the similar necklace back into the pocket of your boyfriend’s jacket before he wakes up.

Cake tasting. In your opinion, the best part about planning a wedding is choosing a wedding cake. You say this with your whole chest. There’s nothing more exciting than having a table set up with several slices of different cakes waiting for you to taste. As you, your boss, and Song Misun enter the bakery, you are greeted by the baker slash owner of the shop. 

“Mr. and Mrs. Kim!” The owner exclaims and you try to stop yourself from facepalming for the second time. The two close friends look at each other sheepishly before quickly correcting the owner. “Oh, I’m so sorry. I thought your fiance was coming along as per our conversation this morning—”

“My fiance got caught up with work so he wasn’t able to come.” Misun explains. It is only then that it occurred to you; where was her fiance and why isn’t he making an effort to plan their wedding? But it wasn’t any of your business. 

“That’s unfortunate.”

“It’s fine.” Misun says, grimacing. She musters up a smile. “Shall we get to the cake tasting?”

There is an array of cakes set up on the table. Jaehyun pulls out a chair for Misun before pulling out a chair for you. The owner looks at Jaehyun with pity, almost as if she knew what he was going through. You and the owner share a brief look before taking a seat across the other two.

“As per our phone call conversation, I prepared three types of red velvet cakes. They all taste the same, but I want your input on how you want them decorated.” The owner explains, pointing at each of the cakes. 

While the three of them are conversing, you decide to flip through your daily planner. There are a couple of meetings scheduled later on in the day. You had rescheduled the meetings in advance since you were aware of the long drive to the bakery shop. As you’re looking at the meetings scheduled in the next few days, you could hear your name being called out by Misun.

You look up at her. “Yes, Ms. Song?”

“What’s your favourite cake?” She asks, resting her chin on the palm of her hand. 

Everyone looks at you and you suddenly feel overwhelmed. You close your daily planner and look at the cakes sitting right in front of you. Your eyes scan them before stopping at your favourite. 

“I really like the black forest cake.” You reply, eyeing the black forest cake on the other end of the table.  “It’s very rich and has a distinct flavour. I personally think the chocolate goes perfectly with the cherries. It also looks very elegant.”

“You have a great taste in cakes, young lady.” The owner smiles. 

“Well, actually, it reminds me of a friend I had before I moved to the city.” You say, reminiscing about your childhood years. “He really liked strawberry shortcakes. I remember having a black forest cake for my birthday and it was his first time trying it… and to my surprise, he hated it.”

“That’s cute.” Misun mumbles, glancing at Jaehyun. “What’s your favourite cake, Jae?”

Jaehyun’s in the middle of eating a bite of the red velvet cake when the attention is shifted towards him. He smiles sheepishly while quickly eating the cake. 

“Coincidentally, my favourite cake is the strawberry shortcake.”

Song Misun’s house is somewhat similar to your dream house. Mr. Jung’s car stolls up at her driveway and you can’t help but look at her house in awe. Her mansion is securely blocked with a huge fence guarded by two muscular security guards. The guards seem to know who your boss is for they open the gate for you right when you hop out of the car. Standing at the door is Misun, clothed in a silk robe. 

“Hurry on in, this will take the whole afternoon!”

She’s so rich that it’s ridiculous, you think to yourself. In each room, there’s at least two chandeliers hanging from the ceiling. Leather couches, wooden furniture, walk-in closets, a walk-in pantry, expensive fridges and toasters, everything in her house screamed rich. 

Mr. Jung sits beside you on one of the couches and places a freshly made cup of coffee onto the coffee table. The tailors and the designer arrived before you and are already prepping the first wedding dress. 

“Is Junhwa here?” Mr. Jung asks and Misun frowns.

“He’s busy with work. Also, isn’t there a superstition where you will have bad luck if the groom sees the bride in the wedding dress before the actual wedding?” Misun replies.

Your boss doesn’t seem to believe it and looks at you to confirm. You look back at him and shrug your shoulders. He purses his lips into a tight line and reaches out to grab his cup of coffee. A silver glint catches your eye. You look at your boss’ wrist, seeing a silver chain bracelet. Your eyebrows knit in confusion and your eyes squint to take a closer look. It looks oddly familiar—

“Here’s the first dress!”

You look up to see Misun standing at the doorway with a wedding dress on. It’s a fitted wedding dress, showing off her curves. From the corner of your eye, you can see your boss’ lips slightly part in shock. You smile. Your boss’ feelings for the engaged woman are incredibly obvious, but you have no idea why the both of them can’t see it. 

“What do you think?” Misun asks.

“You look great in that dress, Misun.” He replies. “But I think you should try on the other dresses before you make a final decision.”

“How about you, Y/N? What do you think?” She questions you and your eyebrows raise.

“You look beautiful, Ms. Song.” You smile. “But I also agree with Mr. Jung. You should maybe try on the other dresses before making a final decision.”

“You’re right.” Misun nods her head before excusing herself to try on the next dress.

As she leaves the living room to try on the other dress, you could hear Mr. Jung let out a breath that he’s been holding in for God knows how long. You bite your lip to stop yourself from laughing.

“Am I too obvious?”

You raise an eyebrow, looking at him. He’s already looking back at you. “What do you mean, sir?”

“I know you can see it, Y/N.” He says softly. You scratch the back of your neck, nodding your head to confirm his assumption. He sighs. “Am I too obvious?”

“Sort of, sir.” You mumble. “It’s pretty obvious that you’re in love with her.”

“Really?”

You giggle. “Really.”

“What should I do to make it not obvious?” He asks.

“You should probably stop making heart eyes whenever you see her, sir.” You suggest and he nods his head, taking your advice into consideration. “You should also stop caring for her a bit too much, sir.”

“Yeah, you’re definitely right—”

“Dress number two!” Misun cuts your conversation short and both of you snap your heads towards her. 

She has a long dress on. It’s a strapless dress with a corset hugging her upper body before flowing out into a beautiful puffy skirt. You’re completely speechless. Anything that Misun puts on looks great on her, and you could definitely see why she asked Mr. Jung to help her decide. If she couldn’t make the decision, she wanted someone else to make up their mind for her. 

“What do you think?”

“I think you are the one—no—I think you—I think this is the one.” Your boss replies almost instantly and you slightly fake a cough. He glances at you and you look up at him with wide eyes. He’s making it too obvious. “I mean, I look good with you—no—it looks good on you—”

“The dress looks beautiful and perfect on you, Ms. Song.” You add, just to lighten the situation.

“Really?” Misun says with a wide smile spreading across her lips. 

Both of you nod your heads. “Really.”

“Alright. I’ll take this dress, then. I’ll go and get this dress tailored! But please stay and wait for me, I want to treat you guys out for dinner!” Misun exclaims before scurrying off into one of the rooms.

Once she’s out of sight, you sigh with relief. Mr. Jung looks at you with a nervous smile.

“I owe you one.”

Prepared in front of you is a barbeque grill filled with assorted meat and vegetables. You glance at your boss, who gestures for you to start digging in. You look at Misun for approval and she flashes you a smile. The three of you dig into your food, grabbing whatever is cooked and placing it onto your plates. 

“I just wanted to thank you both for helping me plan my wedding.” Misun says. “Wedding planning is really difficult and with our busy lives, I appreciate the time you’ve taken off just for this.”

“It’s no problem, Misun.” Mr. Jung smiles. 

“My fiance will be joining us for dinner, I hope you don’t mind.” Misun announces. “He’ll be arriving in a couple of minutes.”

“I don’t mind.” Mr. Jung shrugs his shoulders.

You glance at Misun who’s waiting for your reply. “I don’t mind either, Ms. Song.”

“Great! Let’s eat!” She exclaims.

The three of you are busy eating to even bother opening up a conversation. It’s been a tiring and busy day. There were a couple of business meetings in the morning before you and your boss were scurrying to get to Misun’s house. Luckily enough, the dress picking and fitting didn’t take too long. However, you’re not sure if choosing a venue will be easier than you think. 

“Sorry I’m late.”

A familiar voice makes you freeze in your seat. You slowly trail your eyes up and meet a familiar pair. You could feel your heart drop. He looks back at you with nothing but utter shock. It was clear that both of you did not expect to see each other, especially in this setting.

“Junhwa, baby, you’re finally here! Come take a seat, I already placed food on your plate. You’re probably really hungry.”

Kim Junhwa. The man you were hopelessly in love with. The man who made you feel like the luckiest girl in the entire world. The man who made your heart skip a beat too many. The man who loved you. The man who fell out of love with you. The man who cheated on you. 

Your eyes tear up and you blink them away immediately. You clear your throat, tearing your gaze away from him and looking down at your plate with food. You grip tightly onto your cutlery utensils as if it would help you try to not make things obvious.

“I didn’t know that you brought two friends along with you.” He chuckles uneasily. You can feel him burning two holes through your forehead. “I’m assuming that you’re Jung Jaehyun, right?”

Your boss smiles and shakes his head. Both of them are looking at each other with such intensity. Jaehyun, on the other hand, notices how tense you’ve gotten ever since Misun’s fiance had arrived. He looks at you to check up on you and you look up at him, mustering up a smile.

“And you are?” You shift your gaze towards your ex-lover, who’s looking at you questioningly.

You try to bite back a scoff. Did he really want to pretend and act like he has never met you before? Unbelievable. Your eyes stare at his extended hand, and you look back up at him.

“Y/N.” You reply weakly, shaking his hand. “You look oddly familiar.”

“Do I?” He asks. He looks like he’s panicking on the inside.

“You do. But it was probably just a fleeting moment.” You shrug your shoulders. “Congratulations on your engagement.”

“T-Thanks.” He stutters and the four of you decide to dig into your food.

Jaehyun looks at the couple with jealousy. Both of them suit each other very well. He could feel himself getting sick and nauseous because they look perfect together. He can finally see where he’s lacking, what he’s missing, and what made Misun choose Junhwa over him. He was starting to feel insecure. But at the same time, he was starting to blame himself. If he weren’t too late, if he just confessed… maybe things would have turned out different.

“Are the both of you dating?” Junhwa asks.

“No. He’s my boss.” You answer. 

“Ah, I see.” He nods his head. He looks at Misun. “Baby, your hair is too long, it’s getting on your food. Let me tie your hair back.”

As Junhwa is pulling her hair back to put it up into a pony-tail, another silver glint catches your eye. You look at Misun, and you notice a necklace wrapped around her neck. It’s familiar as well. It’s a silver necklace with the letter M, just like yours. You feel yourself getting sick. It was all starting to make sense. Your eyes flood with tears and you look away from the necklace, afraid that if you stare at it longer, you’ll burst out into sobs. You blink away your tears. 

“Sorry, excuse me.” You say softly, slowly getting up from your seat.

“Is everything alright, Y/N?” Misun asks concerningly.

You wave it off. “I just feel a little bit sick.”

“Let me drive you home, Y/N.” Mr. Jung insists and you shake your head. He looks like he doesn’t even want to be there either.

“I’m okay, sir—”

“No, let me. Besides, I have a meeting tomorrow morning and it’s getting quite late.” Mr. Jung gives you a knowing look.

“O-Okay.” You mumble. “I’m so sorry, Ms. Song, Mr. Kim.”

As you start leaving, Misun grabs your hand. You look at her and she smiles. 

“Thank you for all your help, Y/N.”

“No problem.” You muster up a smile, before looking at her necklace again. “Where did you get your necklace? It looks really beautiful.”

She looks at her fiance, before replying, “Junhwa gave it to me. It really looks beautiful, doesn’t it?”

A tear threatens to escape your eye. “It does.”

Two and a half years ago…

“You’re back.”

Junhwa stops in his tracks, looking at you from the door. You’re holding a glass of wine in your hand and you bring it to your lips to take a quick sip. He kicks off his shoes and heads into the living room, where you are. He walks into the kitchen and starts pouring himself a glass of water.

“Where have you been?” You ask.

“I was out with my friends.” He replies.

“Out with your friends?” He nods his head. “Do you know what day it is?”

“Thursday?” He says, confusedly.

You scoff. “Just an ordinary day, huh?”

He shrugs his shoulders. He downs the cup of water before placing it into the sink. You watch him as he heads into the room, calling it a night. Once he shuts the door behind him, you sigh, placing your glass of wine onto the coffee table. A tear escapes your eye.

It was at this moment where you confirmed that you were starting to lose him. To him, it was just an ordinary day. But to you, it was your second anniversary together. You look at the pan filled with pasta that you made for the two of you, and you feel nothing but shame because you made a meal for nothing.

You were losing him.

You were losing a part of you.

It’s the first day of venue picking and you have never felt so exhausted. The first venue is surprisingly at a university campus. Supposedly, the wedding would happen at a beautiful reserve forest on campus grounds. It has tall pine trees forming a circle, leaving a beautiful space for a wedding in the middle of nature. 

“There are a few things to consider here,” one of the owners of the university begins. “If you’re not into insects flying around you or having birds chirping during the ceremony, then you might want to have an indoor wedding.”

“I’m really liking the whole mother nature vibe.” Misun replies, but she purses her lips into a straight line. “But I’m not sure if Junhwa will like that.”

He doesn’t like insects, you think to yourself. Somehow, Junhwa doesn’t show up for the venue picking just like how he doesn’t show up for the cake tasting, and even the dress fitting. You were starting to wonder how busy he could be that it’s been holding him back from showing up and making an effort to plan a wedding… his wedding. It was quite questionable.

“Are you okay with insects, sir?” The owner asks and Mr. Jung looks at him.

“Sorry, sir, but I’m not the fiance. I’m just a close friend helping her out.” He replies. 

How many times does Mr. Jung have to be mistaken as the fiance? Maybe Junhwa should be showing up so that things like this wouldn’t keep happening. You internally sigh, shifting your attention down to your daily planner. 

“Yeah, I don’t think this is it. Thank you for showing us around, but I think I’ll keep looking.” Misun suggests. She turns around to look at the both of you. “Shall we get to the next venue?”

The next venue is at an art gallery. Now this would be something Junhwa would like, you think to yourself. One of the tour guides of the art gallery is touring the three of you around the art gallery. All of you reach the wedding venue, which is in one of the rooms surrounded by a couple of statues and paintings. You smile.

“I really like what we have going on here,” Misun says as she looks at one of the statues. 

“What about the fiance?” The tour guide asks as she looks at Mr. Jung. 

Not again, you think to yourself. You wince. Mr. Jung looks at the tour guide and you can see him internally sigh with frustration. He shakes his head.

“Sorry, I’m not the fiance. I’m just a close friend helping her out.”

Misun looks at Jaehyun with an apologetic look. Mr. Jung shrugs his shoulders and sighs, pulling out his phone to distract himself. Misun frowns, glancing at you and you look down at your daily planner. 

“Sorry, do you mind giving us a minute?” Misun asks the tour guide. 

“Sure.” The tour guide answers and leaves the room.

“Y/N? Sorry, I just want to speak to Jaehyun in private.” Misun mumbles and you nod your head, leaving the room.

Jaehyun watches you as you leave the two of them alone. Once you’re out of sight, he looks back at Misun. Misun places her face into her hands. “I’m sorry, Jae. They keep mistaking you for—”

“It’s fine, Misun.” Jaehyun cuts her off. “But it’s getting a bit tiring, don’t you think? I keep getting mistaken as your fiance and I keep correcting them.”

“I know, and I’m so sorry.” She apologizes.

“You know, I’m starting to get concerned about your fiance. Why isn’t he showing up? If he just showed up to plan the wedding with you then maybe I wouldn’t be mistaken as your fiance all the time.” He snaps and Misun knits her eyebrows in frustration.

“You know that we have busy lives, Jae—”

“I know. But I made time for you. Can’t he do the same? He’s your fiance. This is your wedding.” He interrupts her. The frown on her face seems permanent.

“Well I’m sorry for taking up your time. I didn’t know that I was being such a burden to you—”

“And I’m sorry for being a concerned friend. I’m sorry for being painfully in love with you—”

“You’re in love with me?” 

“It doesn’t matter anymore, Misun. What matters is that your fiance should be showing up and making an effort to plan your wedding. I can’t let this happen all the time, and neither do you.”

“It matters, Jae.” Misun shakes her head. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Tell you what?” He scoffs. “Tell you that I’m in love with you? Misun, you’ve been blind all this time. You barely noticed me. It seemed like you even disregarded my feelings for you—”

“I would never.” She argues back. “I never disregard your feelings—”

“I’ve always been there for you, Misun. Have you ever been there for me?” He sighs. “It doesn’t matter anymore. You’re getting married. What can I do?”

“Jae—”

“I know I agreed to help you plan your wedding but I think I’ll have to step down, Misun. I don’t think it’s good for me. I don’t think it’s good for you either.” Jaehyun suggests. “I’m sorry.”

Before Misun could call out to him, he’s already out of the room. You jump in your stance when Mr. Jung slams the door shut. You look at him with wide eyes, but they soften and grow concerned when you see him wipe a tear from his cheek. You look back into the room to see Misun frustratingly running a hand through her hair. 

“Sir, is everything okay?”

“Let’s go. I don’t have time for this.”

The car ride is silent. There’s nothing else booked for the day. The only exchange you both had since you left the art gallery was your boss insisting on driving you home. Other than that, the only thing making the car ride less dreadful is the faint music playing from the radio. 

You use up all your power and bravery to strike up a conversation. 

“Sir, is everything alright?”

The car reaches a stoplight. As pedestrians are crossing the road, he lets out a sigh. He hits the steering wheel in frustration. “No. But does it matter to you anyway?”

“Sir, I know that you’re just my boss but I care about you. You’re human. You have feelings too—”

“But you don’t know how I feel.” He cuts you off. “It would be a waste of your time to try and understand me, Y/N.”

“We both know that you’re very much in love with her.” You explain. “What makes it any different for you to just let out what you’ve been holding in for so long?”

“The difference is that you don’t know how I feel because you’ve never experienced it.” He mutters, stepping on the gas pedal once the stoplight turns to green. “Don’t even bother. You’re only wasting your time. You know nothing about me—”

“And you know nothing about me either, sir.” You cut him off. “With all due respect, but please stop acting like you know about my love life. You don’t know what I’ve experienced—”

“Do you know how it feels to be in love? Do you know how it feels to be in love with someone who doesn’t love you back? Do you—”

“I know that feeling all too well, sir. But let me ask you this,” you force yourself to look out the window because if you look at him, you might burst out into anger. You’re only trying to help. “Do you know how it feels to be cheated on? Do you know how it feels to find out that the man you love, is getting married to the woman he cheated on you with?”

Jaehyun tears his gaze from the road. He looks at you as you stare out the window. There’s deep sadness spread across your face and suddenly he regrets lashing out on you. He doesn’t know you, and while he was complaining and placing his burdens on you by dragging you along on this wedding venture, he had no idea about what you were going through. Or what you had gone through. 

“Y/N, I—”

“You don’t.” You chuckle bitterly, looking at him. “The man that cheated on me is the fiance of your close friend. What a coincidence, right?”

He looks at you with confusion. His eyes soften. “Y/N, I had no idea—”

“The other woman that my ex-boyfriend was seeing is the woman you’re in love with. Look, I know you’re going through a lot of pain, sir, but I’m going through so much more. So please, stop pretending like you’re the only victim here, because you’re not.” You say sadly.

The rest of the ride is awkward and quiet until you finally reach home. As you get out of his car, you grab your things with you. To make things lighter, you look at your boss and flash a small smile. 

“Thanks for the ride, sir. Take care.”

“I can’t believe he said that to you.”

Johnny clinks his glass of wine with yours and the both of you take a quick sip. You sigh, placing the glass down. Your late night wine-drinking with Johnny has been long overdue. It’s nights like these where you find yourself talking about life with Johnny over a bottle of wine. With everything that’s going on, you knew that you had to settle down and catch a breath. 

“How’s the new intern?” You ask.

“Horrible.” He groans. “He keeps forgetting everything I tell him. Who even hired him, anyway?”

“Sounds like a nightmare to me.” You sigh. 

“How’s the childhood friend search going?” You look at him before letting out a soft ‘oh!’. As you head into your room, you open a drawer at your desk and pull out a photo album. When you come back into the living room, Johnny eyes the photo album.

“I found this album when I visited my mother a couple of days ago,” you mumble, handing him the photo album. “It has a lot of pictures of the little boy and I. However, when I asked my mother if she remembered who he was and where he could possibly be, all she knew was that his name is Jung Yoonoh.”

He flips through the photo album and he looks at each photo. As you’re taking a seat on the couch, you watch him as he intently observes each photo. 

“He looks really familiar.”

“Does he really?” You say softly, your eyelids drooping. You’re more than slightly tipsy and you could knock out any second now. You stretch out your arms and lean against your couch, your eyes threatening to fall shut. 

Johnny flips to the next page in the album and he lets out a soft gasp. There’s a photo of you and the little boy. He’s blowing out a few candles on what seems to be his birthday cake. The cake is a strawberry shortcake. In the picture, Johnny spots you standing right behind the little boy with a huge smile plastered on your face. 

“You know, he kind of looks like Mr. Jung. Don’t you think?”

Johnny glances at you and his gaze softens. You’ve already fallen asleep.

"Yoonoh? What are you doing here?”

Jaehyun looks at his mother. His eyes trail down to her hands that are covered with oven mittens. He picks up a strong whiff of chocolate chip cookies. This is his home, or should he say, used to be his home. It’s quite evident that he’s presence was unexpected, for his mother just stares at him with a mix of confusion and concern. 

“Can I come in?” 

She moves aside for him to step into the house. It’s warm and cozy, he notices when he steps into the house. He turns around and watches his mother remove her oven mittens. She heads towards him.

“Did something happen at work?” She asks hesitantly. 

He shakes his head. “No, work is doing pretty fine.”

“Yoonoh, you’re freaking me out.” Her eyebrows furrow. “Is something wrong?”

He glances at the freshly baked cookies sitting on the counter top. His eyes shift towards his mother and he mumbles, “do you still happen to have childhood photos of me?”

She throws him a funny look. “That’s such a weird request, but yes, I still have them. Why don’t you take a seat in the living room while I go get them for you?”

“That would be nice.” He smiles.

She mirrors his smile and rushes over to the bowl filled with cookies before handing them to him. “Take these too.”

As he takes a seat on the couch in the living room, he observes the photos hung on the walls. They’re a collection of family portrait photos and graduation photos. These were the only photos that made it when him and his parents experienced a house fire when he was a little kid. 

His mother returns with a small stack of photo albums. She takes a seat right next to him and hands him the photo albums. 

As he opens the photo album, the first page he flips to is a photo of him and Misun. In the photo, it shows the two of them chasing each other out on his lawn. The photo seems to be taken by his mother, he assumes.

“You know, even though her mother passed when she was young, she was still such a lively young girl.” His mother says softly. 

He glances at her and raises an eyebrow. “Misun?” His mother looks at him with confusion. “This little girl, her name is Misun. We reunited when I moved into the city to take care of the family business.”

“Misun? Her name is Misun?” His mother questions and he nods his head. “I don’t remember her name being Misun, Yoonoh.”

“The M on her necklace stands for Misun, doesn’t it?” He asks. “I’m sure you forgot, mother.”

“No, Yoonoh,” she shakes her head. “The M on her necklace stands for her late mother’s name, Mina. Your childhood friend’s name... what was it again? I don’t seem to remember. All I know is that the M on her necklace does not stand for Misun.”

“W-What?” He stutters nervously.

“Yoonoh, perhaps this Misun girl isn’t your childhood friend. You must’ve mistaken her as your childhood friend.” She places her hand on his shoulder. 

“It can’t be.” He says, not believing it.

“Ah!” She exclaims. “I think I remember her name! It’s natural for me to have forgotten her name because her family moved out to the city when her mother passed.”

“What’s her name?”

Jaehyun’s face pales.

“Her name is Y/N.”

author’s note. i hope you guys liked it! this took me a fat month to write, so i really hope you guys enjoyed it. and as i said from a while back, this is in celebration of jaehyun’s birthday! kjshdfjdhf i love him with my whole ass heart. ALSO nct 127 comeback is soon! i am! not! ready! 

feedback is very much appreciated! comments? let me know!

[imbellarosa]

Hiii! I was wondering if you read fanfic?? And if so, what are your fav tropes/works??

Hi!!!! I read A LOT of fic from A LOT of fandoms! My fav tropes are either flat comedy or enemies to friends to lovers or friends to lovers or something like that! I only read happy endings, but I don’t mind some angst in the middle. Idk what fandom you’re looking for so I’m gonna give you a list of some of my all time favs from EVERY fandom, and I’ll add one that I’ve written!

Walk That Mile by purpledaisy- 150k words 1D enemies to friends to lovers road trip AU across the US for a fun, banter-y time with some real communication issues that really get resolved well. People always say that a rom com should have a good answer for “why can’t they be together NOW?” And this one does it really well! No real angst, and a lot of fun. 

Have Love, Will Travel by @kingsofeverything - 97k words 1D YouTubers on a roadtrip AU! If you liked the first one on this list, you’re gonna love this one too! Sweet and long and full of the memories you would make on a road trip. Lots of laughs with this one, and I wish I could see the “Have Road, Will Travel” video series irl! 

Tell Me Now, Tell Me Now by @vanillabeanniall - 55k words 1D Miraculous Ladybug AU but you don’t need to watch the show to ADORE it - I know that I sure do!! Funny and sweet and SUPER ironic, with superheroes and Paris mixed in and great characters! Who wouldn’t love it?

So Let’s Cross the Lines We’ve Lost by thecoloursneverfade - 165k words 1D friends to enemies to friends to lovers uni AU that was one of the first that I read in the fandom and really made me fall in love! Good friends, some angst, hard convos that lead to real growth, and lots of really great characters. This feels real, for a lack of a better word, and is always compelling. 

Ain’t That A Kick in the Head by keysmashlesbian, wreckingtomlinson (karasunonolibero) - 23k words 1D comedy AU ft. football player!Louis, Disaster gay!Harry, memes, frogs, head dives, Blue Coolattas (whatever those are), and a very sassy Red Robin waitress named Fiona. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve read it, and I always laugh, and I always find something new to fall in love with. 

Leave it To the Breeze by @hattalove - 82k words 1D GBBO AU. This one feels like a warm hug. It’s gentle, fun, has great characters, believable angst, has you rooting for more than one of the characters to win, and is also hilarious, somehow. I’ve read this fic over and over and over, and I especially do it when I have time before a new season of GBBO. Also, have snacks!! It makes me hungry

The Section by bananaheathen - 11k words 1D Uni AU with grad student TAs, sophomore undergrads, art classes, movie analysis, and final essays as methods of seduction. Also, nicknames, nude models, a Halloween party, and absolutely shameless flirting. I loved it, and laughed the whole way through. 

I’ve Heard it Both Ways by @adoredontour - 26k words 1D Psych AU. I love this one. I love the fic, I love psych, I love the author. I’ve read most of her works, but this one has such a special place in my heart. Go read it!! 

Play it All Night Long by janine_tangerine - 43k words SPN radio AU with DJ!Dean and bartender!Cas, with music, annoying coworkers, sassy siblings, and lots of love. WHOAH WHATS THIS A LIVEJOURNAL FIC??? I know but I read this ages ago, and it has music EMBEDDED WITHIN THE FIC! It was my first introduction to Bob Dylan, who remains one of my favorite artists of all time. 

Crossroads State by Mercy - 51k words SPN slice of life AU with Mechanic!Dean, Teacher!Cas, Law Student!Sam, and lovely lovely moments. All sweet, some tension, but no real angst. I read this forever ago, and still come back and back and back to it. 

Peace and Good Luck to All Men by KismetJeska - 31k words SPN College Au. DO YOU MEAN THE BEST CHRISTMAS FIC EVER OF ALL TIME??? I read this on the first day of December every year, and it makes me laugh every time. Cas falls in love with his sister’s boyfriend, Gabe and Luke are in a seduction competition, Michael is tired of everyone, and Dean doesn’t know what hit him. 

For All You Young Hockey Players, Pay Attention by @thursdaysfallenangel - 144k words SPN enemies to lovers hockey AU. Just. Please go read this. Gorgeous and still one of the best fics in the whole fandom, imo. Cas is the new transfer on Dean’s team, and Dean doesn’t like change. 

The Complete Works of Emmanuel Allen by @violue - 54k words SPN small town AU ft. writer!Cas and local business owner!Dean. Dean meets his favorite author, but does not know it’s him. Shenanigans ensue, with a lovely warm feel. Dean builds a mausoleum and owns cats and lives in the woods. Cas needs a change of scene. Sam thinks everyone needs some more company. 

The Mirror by cloudyjenn - 25k words SPN parallel universe AU. This was one of the first fics I ever read, and I still love it. Dean touches an enchanted mirror and travels through universes in search of an answer to a question he hasn’t asked. Full of love, family, and companionship. 

Asunder by rageprufrock - 24k words SPN AU with Social worker!Dean, Doctor!Cas, Sober!Sam, and RUBY!!! Ugh I love this fic for Ruby alone. This one is more bittersweet. Dean hasn’t spoken to Sam in years due to his struggles with addiction. Sam, now sober, is getting married, and has invited him. Dean can’t face his family alone. 

But It’s a Good Refrain by lady_ragnell - 23k words Merlin Radio AU! Merlin has an anonymous gossip radio show, and someone calls in to put Arthur on blast! Morgana is a fan, Arthur is not amused, and a sort of enemies to lovers thing occurs. Just lovely, and it makes me laugh every time. 

And Like the Cycle of the Year, We Begin Again by @katherynefromphilly - 208k words Merlin canon compliant. This is the Season 6 we should have had. If you’re at all into this fandom, go read it - it’s still an all time fav for me. Hundreds of years later, Arthur walks out of the lake. Merlin has been waiting. 

Give The Dragon a Chili by @supercalvin - 47k words Merlin magical AU based on the story in New Zealand of the cat stealing someone’s underwear. Merlin’s dragon is sort of a thief. 

Fundamental Imperfection by Starlingthefool - 12k words Merlin famous author AU. Arthur likes Dickens. Merlin does not. They get into it on a panel, and twitter stan wars ensue. And enemies to friends to lovers where literary arguments are an expression of love, and stories are magical. 

The Student Prince by FayJay - 145k words Merlin Uni AU. What a classic!! It’s a magical realism royal enemies to friends to lovers AU ft. a dragon in the walls, a lovely gay soc, Gwen as a Muggle, and some really great characters and moments. Do yourself a favor and go read this one. 

Call it Love by @dalek-in-heels - 30k words Merlin RPF. UGH THIS ONE!!! Okay 1.) the author is one of my best friends, and she’s amazing! 2.) lovely fic that takes place at the end of Merlin, and still has one of my all-time favorite misunderstandings in fic ever. “Yogurty Heart” is my favorite way to say I love you. 

If Nobody Speaks of Remarkable Things by @watsonshoneybee - 35k words Sherlock AU canon compliant through season 3. This one is sad, but the title is taken off of one of my favorite books, and the writing is gorgeous - as is the characterization. Happy ending, though! I promise! So the journey is all worth it! 

In All of the Lives We Are by @dalek-in-heels - 20k words The Magicians canon compliant through the first half of season 3. Sarah does it again and writes one of the best fics I’ve ever read. Art as therapy, a sweet love story in more than one universe, and finding the will to keep going through the worst days. The writers of the actual show should have read this fic and put it on the screen. This is my canon. 

A Happy Ending? Sure Enough by me (imbellarosa) - 8k words The Magicians canon compliant up to season 4. This is the only one of mine I’m putting on the list, because I still really like this one! You need some context, but not much? Idk, just if you want to see how *I* write! 

[t-lostinworlds]

How do you write so much? I’m really struggling with it and I can’t focus :(

I honestly don’t know 😭 like I wish I could give you a whole tips and tricks on how to write long fics but most of the time I genuinely just sit and type away and a lot of the time I don’t even look at the word count and then all of sudden it’s at 10k+ and trust me, I have a hard time focusing as well I mean I’m on tumblr right now when I should be writing but trying my best not to switch apps if I writing on my phone or keeping my phone as far away from me when I’m on my computer is the best advice I can give on keeping focus.

What I will say though is don’t force it. Sometimes you can write a couple thousand words in one sitting, sometimes you can only write 20. Sometimes you can tell the whole story in less than 1k words, sometimes you can tell it in 20k words. It really depends on the story you want to tell and what journey you want to go through. Like, don’t add words for the sake of wanting it to be long, don’t add scenes that doesn’t serve the story for the sake of reaching a word count goal. Just write what you think is needed for you to do the story justice and don’t mind the word count. It’s just a little number in the bottom corner of a screen.

[moonlight-breeze-44]

Hey Em! I've gone through most of your Malec fics and I really love them! (especially the autistic!Alec one but also all those dealing with Alec's mental health issues) I was wondering if you have other recs for me of fics you love, since I'm really new in the fandom and there's so much out there?

Hi there! I’m so glad you’ve been reading and enjoying my fics! That means so much to me :) You’re so sweet! <3

I always have fic recs, so I am more than happy to give you some anytime you want. Here’s a list of a few (or a LOT because I got carried away, oops) that I love with my whole heart. I’m not sure what kinds of fics you like, so I rec’d some of my faves and ones that are specifically about autistic!Alec or Alec & mental health issues.

~ ~ ~

- Walking With Death by Aria_Lerendeair. This is a fic about Malec becoming immortal husbands, and it’s angsty but so, so, so good. Death is a character and Alec buys him coffee.

- Stone Can Be Broken by lawsofchaos and the wonderful sequel Hearts Can Be Remade by Aria_Lerendeair. Both are very angsty, but Laws’ has a hopeful ending and Aria’s has a happy ending. Be sure to read the tags on Aria’s! <3

- Five Times Alec Hides His Tears And One Time He Doesn’t by notcrypticbutcoy. This fic is about Alec’s struggles with anxiety and it is such a heartwrenching read for me. 100/10 recommend. 

- Violet by cuubism. This one deals with some pretty serious suicidal thoughts, so be cautious! <3 Magnus and Alec meet each other on a bridge. Or, the one where helping someone else is sometimes easier than helping yourself. Written by cuubism of the Malec Discord server we’re a part of!

- Wish Upon A Shooting Star by Aria_Lerendeair. Another immortal husbands fic, and it is so, so sweet and has a whimsical, optimistic energy that will surely make you smile. (Bonus points: written by our very own sassy moderator of the Malec Discord server.)

- “You are hurt” by sugarandspace. I’m not sure how much you like parabatai feels, but if you do, this is THE FIC for you. Jenna, who is a member of our lovely Malec server as well, does it wonderfully. It’s set post-3x18 Malec breakup and it has Alec self-harming and lots of feels with him & Jace.

- A Different Time by TK_Extraordinaire. This fic is basically a character study of Alec, a look at how he evolved over the years told from the POV of others.

- Tell me I’m perfect (but tell me the truth) by SquaresAreNotCircles. This fic is one of my favourite fluffy ones and it’s basically 7.5k of Alec talking about how much he loves his boyfriend to everyone who’s not him and then one time Magnus finds out about these secret compliment-fests.

- Brother Let Me Be Your Shelter by alistoney. This fic deals with Alec’s self-harm and it is an add-on to that scene in season 1 when Alec storms away after Jace & Clary kiss. Lots of Izzy and Alec feels, provided graciously by the amazing Zia of our Malec server.

- I will catch you when you fall by sugarandspace. Another fic where Alec self-harms, but this time it’s Magnus helping him out.

- Quiet now, you’re gonna wake the beast by EternallySilverMagnusAndAlec. This is a wonderful autistic!Alec fic that also goes into the emotional trauma that Alec has to deal with from Maryse. Written by EternallySilver of the Malec Discord server!

- Not So Unrequited by Aria_Lerendeair. A best friends to lovers AU that goes through their journey together as friends (including lots of delicious angst) and eventually leads to the confessing of feelings.

- The Lonely Hearts Hotline by Fatale (femme). I prefer oneshots to long fics, so this is one of the only fanfics I’ve read that surpasses 20k. This is the story of CEO Magnus and phone sex operator Alec and yes, it is absolutely as good as it sounds. 100/10 must read.

- Subjective by Accal1a. This fic was actually just posted tonight in the Malec Discord server, but I wanted to link it in case you didn’t see. Hannah has an amazing way with words. This is a 5+1 about Alec & dealing with homophobia. It isn’t all posted yet, but it will be soon, and the first chapter is SO GOOD.

- Autistic Alec AU by AceOnIce. This is a series of fics where Alec is a mundane and autistic, and it shows the journey of his relationship with Magnus. It’s amazing and also written by one of our Discord server members, Amelia.

- shed my skin, my scars by ByTheAngell. This fic is another fic about Alec & self-harm, written by the wonderful Elle of the Malec Discord server, with a few mentions of other ways of not taking care of himself, too. It’s set post-canon and portrays the way that people can fall back into bad habits quickly and easily very well.

- On Thunderstorms and Scared Shadowhunters by alxdrlightwood. The fic in which Alec slowly begins to accept that it’s okay to have a phobia, and Magnus is there to provide cuddles.

- And They Were Roommates by CoolStoryMatt. A roommates college AU where Malec are oblivious idiots that really need to learn to communicate better. Another of the rare above 20k faves of mine. Absolutely hilarious, with great plot and so many moments that’ll make you yell at your screen.

- Whumptober 2019 by Donovanspen. This is a series of works with Malec hurt/comfort and angst.

- No reason to feel like this by sugarandspace. A fic in which Alec deals with depression, and Magnus is there for him.

- it took me years to say the words that you did not even need said by arekiras. A series of fics about autistic!Alec and his life as a Shadowhunter, Head of the Institute, and boyfriend/husband to Magnus Bane.

- Red-Handed by Carmenlire. This is a fic about Alec relapsing with self-harm and Magnus being there for him. Like Elle’s fic above, it also portrays the way one can slip back into bad habits quickly and easily very well.

- Reasons To Stay by AceOnIce. This fic is a 5 times fic with 5 times Alec wanted to die, but didn’t.

- holding onto you by anonlymous. Another Alec & self-harm fic where Magnus is there for him.

- Once You Taste It by Carmenlire. Yet another Alec & self-harm fic, with Alec making the choice to go to Magnus before things get too far.

- An Unlikely Angel by thatnerdemilyj. This fic is a Fraywood brotp where Clary leaves nice sticky notes for Alec after being exposed to all of the bad thoughts in his mind. Bonus points, it’s written by the lovely creator of our Malec server, the other Em!

- First step after the fall by sugarandspace. A fic about the aftermath of 2x08 but Magnus has wings as a warlock mark and he used those to save Alec when he jumped. Lots of angst for both Magnus & Alec!

- Survive In That Despair by thattrainssailed. This fic is one of the only no-dialogue fics I’ve ever read, but it makes the emotion that much more potent. It’s another Alec & self-harm fic, and it’s more graphic than the others I’ve rec’d here, so please be extra cautious! <3

- We Care For Each Other by ZequoiaRose. A bad day fic with absolutely ridiculous amounts of hurt/comfort. So soft, I don’t even have words. 100/10 recommend. 

- I cannot touch because they are too near by jillyfae. This fic is honestly the best fic about the parabatai bond I’ve ever read. It has a truly lovely amount of wordbuilding and is told from Magnus’s POV where he wants to know more about the bond Alec & Jace have. Extremely soft and written by jilly from our Malec Discord server.

- Between The Lines by Carmenlire. If you like pre-canon fics at all, this is an absolute must-read. It tells a heartwrenching story of Alec & his repression due to the Shadowhunters’ homophobic society, told from Isabelle’s POV. 

- Starling by cuubism. One of the best fics about Alec & mental health issues, in my opinion. It’s absolutely heartbreaking in the best way. It can also be pretty intense, so be sure to read the tags and the author’s trigger warnings! <3

- Astraphobia by AceOnIce. An autistic!Alec college AU where Alec’s fear of thunderstorms causes him to meet Magnus for the first time. So, so, so cute. Like, illegally cute.

- The Breath of a Lie by Secretness. This fic is another one of the best fics about Alec & mental healh issues. Although, please be aware - it is very, very intense. This fic will fuck you up good if you’re not careful, so please take care of yourself. <3

- 11:45 by bidness. This fic is the last of my above 20k recs. It is the sweetest workplace AU you will ever read, where Magnus keeps stealing Alec’s lunch and leaving apology notes behind. Also written by the absolutely wonderful Tilly of the Malec Discord server.

- The Best High School Love Story (Maybe Ever) by Aria_Lerendeair. If high school AUs are your thing, you will absolutely love this. It features competitive Malec, best friends to lovers, and the cutest storyline to ever cute.

~ ~ ~

So I ended up giving you like, half of my bookmarks, oops. Sorry about that. I hope you find some that you like among these, and thank you so much again for reading my fics!

Thank you for the ask!

[renxamamiya]

Theatre of Mirrors - The Empress Theatre Part 2

This took me a month plus and 20k+ words LMAOOOOOOO. I’m trying a lot of things in this chapters, including writing a fight scene and taking feedback into account.

Special shout out to @rui-the-galax-angel and @digifangirl97 for helping me with this!!!!

Also please check out the fic on AO3 here!

I’ve also added notes on certain things at the bottom of the chapter, so please read them!

“Is that Goro-?”

“He’s alive!?”

Ren and Joker gasped as they both stared at the same monitor, stunned that the brown-haired detective was alive, disbelief in their expression as they mirrored each other: wide eyes, mouth hung agape, exhaling gentle yet purposed breaths. Both Ren and Joker blinked, Ren shifted in his seat to get a better look, Joker leaned on the console table as he looked closer at the projected image in front of them, seeing their Phantom Thieves going through their shared bewilderment. Neither of them made a sound.

“Is he a...?” Ren trailed off after a long silence, turning to ask his shadow who was observing the detective with careful eyes. Joker gently shook his head in response, an amused half-smile slowly appearing on his lips, barely making eye contact with Ren as he continued to stare at the screen in awe. Goro was here. The invitation he sent, the one he thought would be the only one which would fall on deaf ears, instead called his Crow back to him once more. Though he did not dare show it to Ren, he felt elated at the sight of his rival, alive, well, and scowling at his friends.

Yet this small joyous moment of his did not last. He felt himself suddenly getting tired as he spotted Ren’s eyes gleaming with newfound hope at the sight of Goro. Joker hid his sneer as he got up from his leaned position, standing up, gloved hands tucked back into his pockets. He hated that look of optimism in his other’s eyes, wanting to snuff it out right there and then, but he stopped himself. No; his plan would suffice enough to allow him to slowly crush that hope Ren held; and more, he reminded himself. He turned on his heel, walking out of the room. Ren noticed him leave; before he could utter a word his shadow had slammed the door shut to his prison, not bothering to lock the door as darkness all but swallowed him, the sounds of chorused chatter of the cognitive guests the only thing keeping him company.

Joker snapped his fingers as he continued his stride, an audible click echoed the room. Two shadows belonging to his twisted theatre erupted from the floor to join him as he reached for the door leading to the rest of the building pausing only for a moment to converse with the shadows followed obediently.

“Now, remember the script,” he ordered the both, impatience in his tone as he pulled the door open, wind rushing towards him, gently ruffling his messy hair and flapping his tailed coat. He turned to look over his shoulder, a golden eye glinting murderously at them as he wore a serious expression, “This needs to go perfectly. If you fail, I’ll make sure to kill you as painfully as possible, you understand?”

“Yes, boss.” they both replied in unison. Joker’s stern expression melted at their reply, now grinning wildly with anticipation, his heart starting to beat rapidly with a newfound thrill, blossoming into a crescendo, feeling the tips of his fingers beating with anticipation as he found himself drowning from the thumping of his own excitement. He turned to look down the bland hallway before him, eyes narrowing, vision sharp as he inhaled a deep, deep breath. On exhale he promptly stepped forwards, another he broke into a run, focusing only towards him, his vision tunnelling as he heard his lackey’s footsteps behind him.

“It’s showtime!” he thought to himself, laughing out loud with thrill as his performance commenced.

---

"Akechi-senpai, you're alive!"

Goro heard Sumire before he saw her, the redheaded gymnast wrapping her arms around him, pulling him into a sudden, affectionate hug. He squirmed instinctively in her embrace, not used to displays of affection, and not used to ones that involve touch.

“Yoshizawa.” he growled, hoping that his unamused tone would give her the hint he needed to attain freedom from her grip, yet she did not loosen her grip around him, “Get. Off.”

“Oh, sorry,” Sumire mutters as she lets Goro go, hiding her hands behind her back as she looks away from him. Her face flushed slightly red, obviously embarrassed by the impulsive hug she had given him.

“I’m so sorry, Akechi-senpai.” she apologizes, moving her hands to her side as she gave him a formal bow, “I’m so sorry. I was just happy to see you.”

“Yo Akechi, is that really you?” Ryuji inquired, looking at him sceptically as he places his hands casually on his hips, “Or are you just a cognition?”

“I can assure you that I’m no such thing.” Akechi said, closing his eyes as his face contorted to an expression of great offense, “To think of me being here as nothing more than a figment of Amamiya’s cognition...”

“If you’re not cognition, then why are you here?” Ann said, her and Futaba now with the rest of the group, staring at him suspiciously, “Are you trying to kill Ren again?”

“More importantly, if you are indeed alive, then what have you been doing all this time?” Yusuke inquires, stepping towards the former detective, Goro looking at them, unamused.

“I do not have to answer the latter question, nor do I want to.” Goro said, clearly annoyed by Yusuke’s prying question, “As for answering Takamaki’s question: I’m simply here for curiosity’s sake.”

“You mean you have the app as well?” Makoto asks. Goro’s head snaps towards her, his eyes widening in astonishment, “With the strange notification, correct?”

“So, you’ve gotten it too?” Goro queried rhetorically, yet all of them answered with a single nod. He pursed his lips, furrowing his brows in thought as he looked down at the carpeted floor, “It makes sense for you all to be here. But why-”

“Hey, where’s Mona?” Futaba whispered, poking her head from behind the rest of the group as Goro continued to mutter to himself, “I don’t see him anywhere.”

“Mona?” Haru said, perplexed by Futaba’s question, yet a second later she realised that the feline was nowhere within the group, “Wait, has anyone seen Morgana? I thought he was with us?”

“I dunno, I was with Futaba the whole time.” Ann said, looking at both the faux blonde and the fluffy-haired girl, “I mean, I thought he was with you guys. You did go up before us after all.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t see him, he must have run off somewhere.” Ryuji sighed, reflexively kicking the floor in frustration and disappointment, “That cat’s always runnin’ off somewhere. I guess we should find him before he runs into trouble again.”

"I think I saw Morgana-senpai run that way." Sumire said, pointing to where the cognitions were congregating, no doubt to head to the numerous auditoriums that were located within the Palace, "I didn’t see clearly though, he ran by me so fast."

"It's as good of a lead as any," Makoto said, ignoring Ryuji's string of curses towards their missing teammate. She walked a couple of steps, all the other thieves following her casually, but noticed Goro still in contemplative thought, one his hands cupped his chin while another held his phone.

"Akechi, aren't you coming with us?"

Goro looked up, red eyes gazing into her own.

"Me?"

"Yeah, him?" Ryuji asked in earnest, which resulted in him getting elbowed sharply in the chest by Ann, "Hey, what was that for!?"

“You can’t say stuff like that in front of people!” Ann exclaimed, annoyed by Ryuji’s boldness towards Goro, eyebrows crossed in an angry expression, “Besides, we have no idea what’s in this place. I don’t like the idea too, but we have strength in numbers, and we can keep an eye on him if he tries to do something to Ren.”

“Thank you, Takamaki, but I’ll be fine on my own.” Goro said, resisting the urge to grimace at Ryuji and Ann’s words (though he was not surprised in the slightest in the fact that they did not trust him), “I’ve had more than enough experience in combat to take care of myself. That, and we’re obviously not considered as threats. I doubt that whatever’s happening to your leader, will in turn put any of us in immediate danger.”

“Still, it’s still an awful thought for you to get left behind.” Haru said, although she did not sound too eager with the prospect of Goro coming along to find their furry friend, “Even if it’s you...”

“As I said-”

“Please, Goro-senpai?” Sumire pleads, giving Goro the biggest puppy-eyes she could muster as he turned to look at her, her bottom lip quivering, trying to evoke sympathy from within the detective, “Please? We haven’t seen you for a long time, and I know you really want to come with us...”

Goro looks at Sumire, his expression firm and unreadable, his gaze piercing, yet the girl continues to pout. The rest of the group looked at each other, not knowing how to break the tension between the two of them, waiting for either Sumire to succeed in her attempt to convince Goro, or for Goro to win in his efforts to further distance himself from the group.

The victor was decided when Goro broke his gaze, sighing deeply in defeat while Sumire smiled and cheered in triumph.

“Thank you, senpai!” Sumire grins, going in for another hug, only to be stopped by Goro’s hesitant scowl.

“I’m doing this only for you, Yoshizawa.” Goro muttered under his breath, though he can’t help but smile a bit when he saw her growth in confidence over the last year and a half. He turned to look at Makoto, “Lead the way, Queen.”

“With pleasure.” Makoto huffed, trying not to get worked up by his use of her codename, seemingly brushing it off as she resumed her pace towards the inner area of the foyer.

It did not take the group long for them to spot Morgana. He stood still as cognitions passed by, some of them muttering happily as they noticed the feline gazing upon something. A few steps more passed the crowd of cognitive people did they find what he was looking at.

“Is that?” Ann gasps, looking upon the fountain statue of Joker. The glint of the gold that accented its mask and buttons and eyes sent a shiver down her spine, its grin, smug and sinister, unsettled her, and she dare not make eye contact with the gaudy decoration. The others shared her uncomfortable reaction, a loss for words as to why such a decoration would be displayed all to see. They knew Ren, knew how he acted, knew the confidence he held in himself, yet did not associate him with the apparent narcissism they were currently gazing upon.

Morgana’s ears twitched, sensing the others as they approached behind him, turning to greet them with a sombre expression as he stood in front of the fountain.

“I think this was where Ren was caught.” Morgana informed the group, yet no one in the group found any comfort with this information, “I saw some commotion around here until I got thrown out by those shadows.”

“Where could they have taken him?” Haru asks, yet she knew Morgana’s answer, “Could he possibly be somewhere deeper in the Palace?”

“He has to be.” Morgana said, turning to look up towards the top of the twin stairwells, “I don’t know how to explain it, but I can feel him somewhere up there, calling for us.”

“Futaba, can you check if that’s the case?” Makoto asks the girl. Futaba snaps back into attention, the fountain statue previously lulling her into a trance. She looks at Makoto with a dazed expression, blinking several times as she tries to grasp what she had said to her.

“Sorry? I didn’t catch that, Queen.” she confesses, Makoto sighs.

“Can you confirm that Ren’s somewhere in his Palace?” Makoto again asks her, though she could not help but send a sympathetic expression towards the girl. The man that had helped her free herself from the shackles of her distortions was now trapped from his own, and admittedly, none of the thieves have yet fully come to terms with the formation of Ren’s Palace.

“Oh yeah, why didn’t I think about that,” Futaba said, abruptly squatting down as she puts her laptop on the carpeted floor. She opened it, her device flicking to life, and started to type rapidly on it, focused on her task, “It’s gonna take a while for me to find him.” she informed the rest of the group, raising her voice slightly to be heard above the chatter of the cognitions around her, “Though I can tap into the Palace to get a look at the place, I can’t exactly pinpoint him with ease without my Persona.”

“That’s alright.” Makoto said, “We can work on finding him once we get a rough idea as to where he’s located.”

“Hey Yusuke, you’ve been really quiet since we’ve entered the Palace.” Haru said, looking at the blue-haired artist with concern "Are you okay?"

"Hm? Oh. I am, thank you for your concern, Haru." Yusuke smiles, "I'm sorry if I caused any worry, I was simply marvelling the architecture of the Palace. It's simply beautiful"

"But isn't that weird? I mean this is Ren's Palace after all." she said with concern, a hand pulling back a strand of her hair as she continued, "I mean, it's nice here but, I don't really see how it could be considered 'beautiful'."

"That's okay, I understand completely that finding an aspect of Ren's distortions 'beautiful' is less than savoury; however, I do marvel at the detailing of the architecture especially. It certainly has a lot of Western influences. Definitely matches his more Western interpretation of a rebel."

"Like the 'Gentlemen Thief' persona huh?" Haru mutters, "That makes sense. After all, Arsene does wear a top hat."

"Precisely." Yusuke said, "Details like that do put a smile on my face."

"Well, I guess you can say-"

The screams of cognitions from the floor above interrupts their conversation, all the thieves snapping their heads to see the guests fleeing from above, down the twin stairs in a desperate panic in order to run from an unseen danger. Blue flames suddenly erupted from each of the members, exposed skin and fabric alike replaced with their iconic thief outfits, another flash across their eyes placed their masks as their forgotten powers and Personas electrified their veins.

“Shit!” Ryuji exclaimed in surprise at the sudden eruption, tightly gripping his mallet, already anticipating a fight. The rest of the thieves sans Goro immediately sprung into a fighting stance, readying their weapons as they grouped together, prepared for whatever was causing the commotion upstairs. The only not in the front lines was Futaba, who was hoisted to safety by her Persona Al Azif, hovering above the group as she prepared to support them.

“It seems we were finally acknowledged,” Goro grumbles, yet he could not help but smirk at the idea of taking down the enemy approaching them. He unsheathed the serrated sword he used while in the Metaverse from his side, feeling the familiar echo of Hereward in his mind as the mask he adorned gleamed slickly in the light, “Finally. I was getting on edge with how   the atmosphere was.”

“Oracle, what are you seeing?” Makoto asked the girl, already springing quite comfortably into the lead role as Futaba typed rapidly across the different screens surrounding her from within her Persona, “Are there any dangerous shadows heading in our way?”

“Two of them. They’re pretty strong, but nothing we can’t handle.” Futaba informs Makoto, still tying away across her screens, her eyes flickering rapidly from one window to another, “They seem to be chasing something. Another shadow. A powerful one at that!”

“Why would they be chasing one of their own?” Yusuke muses as he readies his katana, his gloved hand resting delicately on the decorative hilt, “Unless-”

Two gunshots rang in the air, followed by the screams of the shadows, a blur of black and red suddenly appearing, sliding down rapidly from the polished stair rails while being pursued by two shadow guards, their head turned back as to keep an eye on their pursuers, yet they could see a smirk on their lips. Before the Phantom Thieves could realise who, the shadows were chasing, the figure turned towards them.

The gold and black mask. The red waistcoat. It was Ren’s shadow. He looked just like the fountain statue nestled between the twin stairs of the foyer. He landed in front of them with practised, familiar poise, turning around towards the shadows, gritting his teeth as he readied a knife the thieves found familiar.

“There’s the fugitive!” one of the shadow’s yelled, pointing to the golden-eyed thief as another indistinguishable shadow joined its side, “Help me snag him! The boss’ll have our heads if we keep lettin’ him run free around this place.”

“Ren-”

“Call me Joker, Queen.” he interrupts Makoto, turning back his head to give her a signature wink before turning back towards his assailants, the two shedding their suits to reveal a Dionysus, Titania and Oberon, all ready to attack, “I know you all have questions right now. I’ll explain later, but first you have to help me with taking these guys out.”

Makoto nods at Joker, agreeing with his commands as she readies her mask. The shadows jumped towards Joker, the Dionysus charging with electricity, static climbing across his multicoloured arm.

“Oh no, you don’t!” Morgana shouts, lunging forward towards the shadow as he summons his Persona, “It’s payback time! Diego, Miracle Rush!”

The Persona erupts from behind the cat, a strong, dashing, masked man with a comically tall moustache and long black cape appeared surrounded by blue flames. A single swish of his sword was enough to summon multiple golden boxing gloves supported by springs that aimed at the shadows. They reeled in back, and then suddenly sprang into action, punching the Dionysus square in the jaw and knocking it off its feet, but unfortunately missing the other two shadows in its company.

“Nice shot, Mona.” Ryuji compliments the cat as he rushes forward, assisting the feline with his enemy, readying the large mallet on his side, “But you missed the other two, might want to work on your aim.”

“I’m rusty-!” Morgana squeaks, looking at his friend with an offended expression as Ryuji brought the mallet down on the shadow, sending it straight down onto the floor, “What about you huh, you’re gonna just let the shadow get up?”

“Huh, you got a point.” Ryuji said, and went on to summon his Persona, dramatically gripping his hand onto his metallic mask, “Alright, William! Give this guy a hand. A God’s Hand to be exact!”

As soon as he did so the mask burst dramatically into the same blue flames, licking harmlessly on Ryuji’s face, rising to conjure a figure beside him. His Persona, dressed in a black and white hood, a skeletal face with its eyes behind red goggles rode atop a yacht triumphantly, conjured a fist out of nowhere, propelled by what looked like a rocket, dancing circles above its target’s head before slamming right down on top of it, injuring the shadow further.

“Skull, that was terrible.” Morgana sighs, frowning at his friend’s pun as he readies his cutlass to strike the incapacitated shadow

“Aww don’t be such a moaner, Mona.” Ryuji chuckles, Morgana ignoring the blonde as he strikes the shadow, “I’m just havin’ fun!”

“Skull, I know these shadows are nothing but total squishies, but you still gotta be careful.” Futaba buzzes through their ears, Al Azif hovering away a safe distance from the battlefield, “We can make terrible puns AFTER we’ve dealt with these shadows.”

“Hey, my puns are not-”

He did not see Morgana dodge Dionysus's attack, only hearing the electricity from its Ziodyne attack before it was too late. His head turned at the sound of the wild crackle of electricity heading towards him. His eyes widened as the bolt connected, a section of the bolt diverged and struck the carpeted floor, causing him to be engulfed into a cloud of dust and smoke.

“Skull!” both Futaba and Morgana exclaimed, calling out for their friend in a panic. Morgana summons his Persona, commanding Diego to blow away the cloud of smoke that obstructed their view of Ryuji with a quick Garudyne, only to find him completely unharmed.

“I’m okay!” Ryuji yells out, waving out to them to attract their attention, “Barely even touched me, you on the other hand.” he said as he almost sneered towards Morgana.

“Hey guys, you can fight all you want later, right now you’ve got a shadow to toast.” Futaba hisses at the two, reminding them of their situation as Dionysus charges for another attack, “Another Ziodyne coming towards your six!”

Both Ryuji and Morgana exchange brief sour expressions towards one another, before shifting their focus towards the enemy before them. --- The Oberon thrusts its sword forward towards Joker, the boy sidestepping each time it swipes towards him, golden eyes carefully observing his opponent as another swipe of the shadow’s sword barely misses him. Makoto readies into position, resting her hand on her mask as she instinctively climbs on the Persona that appeared beneath her.

“Agnes, hit it with an Atomic Flare!” she said to her Persona, and Agnes complied, a ball of blue aura appeared in front of the attacking shadow, growing before independently detonating in the shadow’s face. However, the Oberon dodged it with ease, escaping the otherwise effective attack.

“Dammit!” she whispered harshly under her breath as Ann went in to strike the Oberon, uncoiling her whip as she swung it, a sharp ‘thwack’ echoed as she struck the Oberon on the face.

“How dare you strike me!” the shadow hissed, swinging its sword towards her only to be stopped by Joker’s dagger. The weapons clashed. And they clashed again, Joker slowly driving the attacking shadow back as Makoto readies another attack.

“Agnes, Atomic Flare!” Makoto commanded her Persona again, the same blue orb appearing to engulf the Oberon, but the attack yet again missed as the Oberon evaded it.

“Queen, got any ideas to stop this shadow from moving so much?” Ann hisses as she ducks a swipe from Oberon’s sword, “We could really use some help right now!”

“Maybe slowing it down would help?” Joker said out loud before parrying multiple slashes of the shadow’s sword with his gun and knife, “I don’t have any ice skills on me. Maybe we should call over-”

“We don’t need Fox. I have an idea, just follow what I say!” Makoto instructed her teammates, Joker and Ann both nodded at her with acknowledgement as they continued to dodge the wild attacks of the shadow.

“Joker, aim your shots at its wings!” Makoto instructed Joker. He raised his gun and pulled the trigger.

“Panther, get ready to cast Agidyne on the Oberon!” Makoto yells towards Ann, who nodded in acknowledgement, her gloved hand resting on her mask as she readies herself.

A shot from Joker’s gun rang out, and another, and another. two of the three bullets managing to tear through the thin membrane of the shadow’s left wing, the shadow howling in pain. Joker aimed carefully; a single bullet left in the magazine of his gun. He looked down at the sight of his pistol. He aimed at the Oberon, who was hovering in the air, wobbling back and forth in pain from its injury. He squeezed the trigger.

Bang!

The last bullet tore through the shadow’s wing. The Oberon cried in pain as it floated down, its injuries too great to keep itself airborne.

“Now Panther!” Makoto shouted. With a quick shout of her Persona’s name, Ann summons Célestine behind her, the avatar of her heart standing tall, nonchalantly blowing a piece of gum as the overhead light reflects from her glasses.

“Agidyne!” Ann ordered her Persona, and Célestine lifted her hand towards the crippled shadow. Heat gathered beneath it, and before it could react, a tower of fire erupted from the fire, consuming the shadow, leaving it with embers still singeing its skin.

---

“Ella, use Kougaon!” Sumire said to the bride like Persona behind her, Ella responded by summoning a pillar of white light to strike Titania, the shadow grunting in pain as she took the attack. Yusuke followed up with a swipe from his sword, yet the fairy-like shadow managed to dodge him with ease.

“Psiodyne!” Haru shouted, her Persona, Lucy, towered behind her, one hand holding an elegant looking briefcase while another one held its masquerade like glasses in front of where its face would be, summoned forward pink swirling circles with colours accenting them towards the shadow. Titania managed to evade her attack, retaliating with its own spell as it casts Freidyne.

“Noir, watch out!”  Sumire shouted after her, Haru trying her best to escape from the Nuclear-based elemental attack, yet the blue ball persistently followed wherever she went. It was Yusuke who had saved her, pushing her out of the way just as the nuclear ball exploded, taking the brunt of the attack. He grunted audibly, Haru’s eyes widening in alarm.

“Yusuke are you okay?” she asked the artist. Yusuke responded with a smile, standing from his previously hunched position.

“I’m fine,” he reassured her, “the damage I received was less than anticipated.”

“But you still took damage, are you sure you’re-”

“We haven’t the time to worry about injuries!” Goro hissed at the both as he spots the hands of the Titania glow green. He sprints forward, his sword held by his left hand as his right clasps his mask. He cries out wildly for Hereward, and the black, bow-wielding Persona erupted behind him, an arrow pulled back as it readies for Goro’s command.

“Hereward, Laevateinn!” he commanded his Persona, Hereward complying as it lets go of the strung arrow. A sword descended onto the Titania, a lucky strike by Goro as it tumbled down onto the ground, its healing spell interrupted.

“Regroup, everyone!” Futaba instructed the Phantom Thieves, all of them listening to their navigator as they jumped back into a defensive position, their various ranged weapons all pointed towards the downed shadows.

“W-wait!” The Oberon shrieks as the embers on its body continue to injure it, “Please, don’t kill us!”

“Yes, please, we were just following orders!” Titania said, whimpering on the floor, her hands curled on the carpeted floor.

“Yeah right!” Ryuji said, cocking the barrel of his shotgun, aiming his sights towards the wounded fairy, “Orders from who? Certainly not our friend Joker here, you practically attacked him!”

“Well… He-”

“Alright, I’ve had enough of them.” Morgana said, clearly annoyed by the situation as he held his slingshot ready, “Everyone, it’s All-Out Attack time!”

Before the shadows could utter another word all the thieves pounced towards them, weapons out and ready. Each thief took turns slashing at the enemies, a flurry of attacks as the sound of weapons echoed throughout the hall. Joker dealt the last swipe, a clean cut through the three of the shadows, before he flipped backwards, away from them.

A second passed, and soon a black ooze erupted from each of the three shadows before their bodies evaporated into thin air.

Joker scanned the rest of the foyer, readying his weapon as the others put away theirs, his back towards them, senses still alert as adrenaline still flowed through his veins. Al Azif descends slightly down towards the floor before allowing Futaba to gracefully float down to join the rest of her friends before dissipating, blue flames gently caressed her face as her Persona became her mask. They stared at Joker, watching him anticipate yet another attack. No additional shadows came, and he stood up, his shoulders relaxing, and he tucked away his weapons before he turned to face them, golden eyes staring at them. He smiles gently at them.

“Hello, everyone.” he greets.

“Ren… is that-”

“Ren!” Morgana cried out, interrupting Ann as he rushed towards him, arms wide to embrace him with open arms. Before the masked thief could properly react to Morgana, the bipedal feline jumped, and Joker caught him instinctively.

“Ren! Ren, I was soooooo worried!” Morgana said as he hugged Joker, burying his face affectionately in his chest. Joker returned Morgana’s hug, petting the feline with his free hand as Morgana purred audibly, “I’m sorry for interrupting you Lady Ann!” he continued to shout, trying to sound apologetic despite his joyful tone conveying otherwise, “But I’m so glad you’re okay!”

“But isn’t that senpai’s shadow?” Sumire points out, her expression guilty as she feels as though her observation had spoiled the moment between the two, “I’m sorry for being so rude, but we shouldn’t trust him-”

“Yoshizawa’s right.” Goro agrees with her, eyeing Joker carefully beneath the red filters of his mask, “Like it or not this is not the Amamiya you know and love, but an ugly, distorted version of him.”

“Am I really that-” Joker started, reflexively responding to the comment with an air of jest, yet when his shining, golden eyes met Goro’s hauntingly red ones he stopped himself, mouth still open, hanging agape. Silence fell between the two, Goro looking at Joker closely, his face expressionless, eyes narrowed in contemplation and suspicion as Joker looked at him with stunned disbelief.

“Crow, you’re-”

“Alive? Yes, I am.” Goro said, not taking his eyes off the shadow, “And you’re a shadow. Now, tell us where Ren is so we can get on our way, thank you.”

“He’s still Ren, even if he’s his shadow.” Ann huffs, her tone of voice clearly irritated by Goro’s total rejection of Joker, walking up to the shadow’s side, “Besides. Him helping us still means that Ren’s not only here, but his shadow can help us rescue him, right?”

“Yes, you’re right, Panther,” Joker nods, “I’ll be more than happy to help, and please, call me Joker.”

“Why? Do you prefer to be called that? I’m so sorry if I-”

“It’s okay, Panther.” he smiles reassuringly, touched by Ann’s kindness in accommodating his request so readily, “And yes. Though I am his shadow and should share his name, I am more comfortable with using Joker.”

“Note taken, now come here, Joker!” she exclaimed, running to join in with Morgana’s hug, wrapping her arms around his neck in affection, “Even if you’re Ren’s shadow, we’re still so glad to see you!”

“Yeah, we were so worried when we saw you had a Palace,” Ryuji said, walking to rest a comforting hand on Joker’s shoulder, “So it’s good to see you here and well buddy, and we’ll deffo help in stealing your treasure and easing your distorted heart.”

“And I’m glad to see you, Skull.” Joker smiles at his long-time friend, “If there’s anyone who can help me get rid of the distortions of my heart, it’ll be you.”

“I am happy to be here.” Yusuke smiles, walking up to stand next to Joker, the close proximity he stood next to his friend’s shadow enough to ease his heart, “Though it is unfortunate that you… our friend… have a Palace, we are honoured to be here if only to untangle the distortions that have brought this theatre in the first place.”

“And it’s nice to see you too, Fox.” Joker laughed, clearly amused by how flowery Yusuke’s language was.

“Joker!” Futaba yells, running towards him and wrapping her arms around his torso from his side, “Joker you’re okay! You’re really okay!”

“Well, ‘okay’ is putting Joker’s situation quite mildly,” Haru laughs as she joins the thieves in greeting their leader’s doppelganger, “But I have to agree with everyone, seeing you here with us, even if this is your Palace. ”

“Does the idea of me having a Palace really make you uncomfortable, Haru?” Joker asks her, eyebrows knitted as he looks at her with concern, “You can always leave if you’d like, Noir. I won’t judge you; it must be hard considering...”

“Yes, it does.” Haru answers for him, yet the spark of resolve she had in her eyes did not flicker as she looked in his golden ones, “But I promised only the others, but also myself, to be strong for you, and to help you in any way I can in getting rid of your distortions.”

Joker smiled at her, touched by her kind words.

“Thank you, Noir, I’ll be counting on you then.”

“She’s not the only one you can count on.” Makoto said, as she walked towards him, “I don’t think it’s far-fetched to assume that all of us here are more than willing to lend you their assistance should you need it, Joker. We are here to help heal your distorted heart, after all.”

“But what if I just want a kiss from my advisor.” Joker cooed at her. A blush slightly reddened Makoto’s face as she coughed, tucking a stray hair behind her ear as she cleared her throat.

“I’m sure, I can accommodate that request of yours,” she said confidently, yet the blush on her cheeks grew a deeper red. She leaned in, gently caressing his free shoulder, and gave him a peck on the cheek, Joker grinning delightfully as his golden eyes twinkled brightly with joy.

“A peck on the cheek is all I get?” he said, mockingly pouting at her, “But I thought you were here to ease my distorted heart.”

“We can kiss more when we steal your treasure; besides, the others are...” Makoto trails off, the mention of the other thieves reddens her face more in embarrassment, Joker giving her a toothy smile, only deepening the flush on her face.

“Okay, if you insist, my Queen. I’ll hold you to that promise.”

Someone audibly clears their throat. Joker looks past the group of friends that surrounded him to see Sumire standing in the middle of the foyer, her body tense, her legs straight, the girl grabbing her arms as she looks down on the floor with a saddened expression. He lightly shook his shoulders, his friends stepped away from him, Joker put down Morgana, and he walked towards her.

He stopped in front of her, not speaking a word, looking at her sympathetically yet allowed Sumire to converse with him when she was willing to.

“I’m sorry, for doubting you, Senpai.” she apologised, stepping back from her previous spot as she gave him a formal bow.

“Violet, you have nothing to be sorry about.” Joker smiles at her, slightly amused by her formality towards him, “In all honesty, you all have the excuse of being wary of me. Most of the shadows we’ve encountered were pretty hostile after all.”

“Like mine.” Futaba mutters to herself.

“But there are kind shadows, right? Shadows who just want help from us to steal their treasure, to return to normal. They exist, do they?”

“Yes.” Joker laughs, and Sumire couldn’t help but smile herself.

“Then…” she trails off, before throwing herself towards Joker, arms wide, Joker catching her with ease as she hugged him with all her strength.

“Violet, you’re hurting me.” Joker wheezed as Sumire squeezed her arms around him, and Sumire freed him from her embrace, apologising profusely.

“Oh, by the way,” Futaba said to the group, “While you guys were fighting, I picked up a signal that’s unusual to what you normally find in the Metaverse. I think it’s Ren.”

“You found where Ren’s being held?” Haru inquired the navigator, Futaba, shaking her head.

“Probably.” Futaba said, a frown on her face, pulling out a general map of the Palace to the rest of the group, a green blip pulsating on what looked to be the top of the cognitive building, “This is the signal that I found. It’s unusual for sure, the signal unlike any shadow or cognition we’ve ever encountered, and certainly not the treasure-”

“Oh right, the treasure!” Ryuji exclaims, interrupting Futaba, who reacted with an annoyed expression. “You got anything about the treasure, Futaba?”

“Remember, codenames, Skull.”  Futaba warned her teammate, “And as for the treasure....”

She trails off. The others stared at her, waiting for her to continue.

“Oracle?” Makoto said, walking slowly towards her, “Oracle, you okay?”

“...Um…”

“There’s no treasure, is there?” Goro interrupted. All the thieves snap their heads to look at him, shock and disbelief on their faces except for Futaba, Joker and Goro, “At least, the treasure has yet not materialised.”

“Wait, no treasure, are you crazy!?” Ann stammered, clearly uncomfortable and confused by this revelation.

“Yeah, every Palace we’ve encountered has a treasure!” Ryuji said hysterically, “What do you mean this Palace ‘doesn’t have a treasure’!?”

“I……. I…...I….”

“...I think we should discuss this somewhere else.” Joker informed the others, stepping in to protect Futaba from the bewildered Phantom Thieves, “I know a safe place. Follow me.”

---

The shadow led his friends up to the above floor via one of the twin stairs, cognitive guests staring at them as they followed Joker up, whispering amongst each other with excitement and curiosity, yet Joker paid them no mind as the rest of the thieves could only try to ignore their presence.

They arrived on the first floor, the foyer one decorated differently compared to the entrance below. Soft lilac replaced the colour red on the carpets and curtains, pristine, white marble replaced where gold would be, shapes of different flora carved in the stone, accented by gold paint which glittered under the bright light from the chandeliers above. There stood four doors around the foyer that lead to what the thieves assumed to be separate auditoriums: two of them closed with golden number plaques next to them; the third one, sealed behind two tall doors, had the words ‘The Empress Theatre’ titled atop of them.

Joker gestured to a large booth, one of many that occupied the room along the walls, a white curtain made of linen used to give the privacy the thieves needed to discuss their plans, hiding them from curious eyes.

“After you.” he said, smiling as he held the curtain open. Futaba was the first one to go in, diving onto the seat before sliding inwards to allow Haru to follow her in. One by one they went into the booth, Morgana having to be picked up by Ann, not tall enough to reach for the seat, and sat on her lap as his head rested just above the small table in front of them.

“I’d rather not.” Goro said, the only still standing other than Joker, crossing his arms as he looked towards the booth with scorn.

“Why not?” Joker asks, tilting his head as he looks at the reluctant detective, “Don’t you trust me, Goro?”

“Do not call me that.” Goro snapped, and Joker flinched visibly, “And to answer your question: I don’t. I don’t trust you at all.”

“Akechi-senpai, it’s okay.” Sumire said, immediately going into Joker’s defence as she pokes her head out from where she was sitting, “He helped us, remember? I’m sure Joker-senpai would never hurt us. I mean… I trust him, and I think everyone does as well, and they have way more experience than I do.”

“Yeah, Akechi,” Ryuji said, also coming to Joker’s defence, “And this is Ren we’re talking about. I mean, sure it’s his shadow but isn’t like the shadow the something true self or something?”

The others nodded in agreement, Goro looking away, a cross expression on his face. There was a small amount of movement that caught the corner of his eye, and he looked up to see Joker himself sliding into the booth to join his friends.

“You can have the end spot if it makes you comfortable.” Joker smiled at Goro, and while he did not want to admit it, he was feeling slightly fatigued from the earlier fight. He took a moment of hesitation, staring at the spot next to Joker, and sighed before he complied with the shadow’s request.

“Now that we’re all here,” Makoto said, her eyes scanning the group as she spoke, “We need to discuss-”

“Can someone please pull the curtain,” Morgana said, an expression of disappointment on his face, “We’re not exactly in a safe room you know, have you guys forgotten everything I’ve taught you!?”

“I can do it if only I wasn’t stuck here.” Yusuke offered, gesturing to both Haru and Ryuji of either side of him. The thieves lightly bickered amongst each other; one person would offer to close the curtain if the other person moved, which would cause the other person to gesture to the person next to them. This cycle, absurd and tedious as it was, repeated until all eyes landed on Goro.

“Hm, you’re asking me to close the curtain?” Goro said, not bothering to hide his unamused expression towards the Phantom Thieves.

“Well Crow, you’re the only one who can actually get out of here.” Futaba points out, gesturing to the column piece that obstructed her path to freedom, “And everyone can’t exactly move out easily as well. You gotta do it bird brain.”

“Bird brain?!” Goro scoffs in both surprise and offence. He growled in anger, trying very hard not to retaliate at the girl sitting across him. He sighed, muttering ‘fine’ as he slid out of his seat, reaching for the curtain and gently pulling it across until it hid the group from view before sitting back down again.

“Okay… so now that’s out of the way, we need to discuss several things that are imperative to ensure this infiltration is successful,” Makoto said, addressing the group around her, “First of, we need to discuss who will lead the infiltration, seeing as Ren isn’t here.”

She turns to look at Joker.

“Can you lead us?” Makoto asks, Joker replies by shaking his head.

“I don’t think that’s appropriate,” he admits, Makoto giving him a confused look, “I’m a shadow. The shadow of Ren. While I do know the ins and outs of the Palace, I fear that if I were to lead you it’ll compromise the mission in some way. In addition, I think it’s best for you guys if you could plan strategies somewhere out of the Metaverse.” “That is true.” Makoto nods, “But if you’re not going to lead us then, who will?”

Joker simply smiles at Makoto. Her eyes widened, the deep blush on her cheeks from earlier flushed her cheeks.

“Y-you want me to lead?!” she stammers, Joker nodding in response, and Makoto swore she would have fainted right there and then.

“Of course.” Joker said, “Everyone trusts you, and you yourself have the necessary leadership skills. There’s no one who I trust more.”

Makoto laughs, Morgana exclaims with a ‘hey!’ at Joker as Ryuji rolls his eyes at what he’s witnessing before him.

“Geeze get a room you guys.” he groaned, yet there was no malice in his tone as Ann and Sumire snicker at his comment.

“If Makoto’s our leader, then it would be appropriate to elect ourselves someone to replace her in the advisory role.” Haru said, “I was thinking about Mona being our advisor since he’s more experienced than all of us when it comes to Metaverse stuff.”

“Well, I am knowledgeable with the Metaverse itself.” Morgana said smugly, crossing his arms as he holds his head out proudly, “And I did teach you all how to be the best thieves possible. Sure, I’ll gladly take on the advisory role.”

Goro rolled his eyes in annoyance, Joker noticed him do so, and he smiled in amusement.

“Great, now that’s out of the way, we need to now discuss our course of action in regard to our infiltration: how we will conduct it, where Ren is, why there is no treasure being detected, and if it does apply, when we need to invoke a change of heart.”

She turned to look at Joker, the shadow nodded in acknowledgement.

“As you all know, Ren’s been kidnapped by the shadows of this place.” Joker said, his gaze cast to everyone except Goro who sat right next to him, “He’s being held in the uppermost auditorium of the Palace: The Fool’s Theatre.”

“The Fool’s Theatre? I don’t like the sound of that.” Ann mumbled under her breath, a look of concern on her face.

“Why is it called the Fool’s Theatre?” Sumire queried Joker, her eyes glittering in perplexity. Joker shrugged; his expression confessed uncertainty.

“I don’t know.” he said, “But what I do know he’s kept there. I honestly think they caught him, thinking they were me. Apparently, I’m a nuisance in my own Palace, which is quite absurd if you think about it.”

“Then we should go there now.” Ryuji said, “You know, bust him out and stuff if it’s just at the top floor, no problem!”

“I’m afraid it’s not that easy.” Joker frowned at the blonde, wincing as he saw Ryuji’s enthusiasm falter a bit, “The doors to the auditorium itself are locked by special keys which are held by what they called the ‘Lead Actors’ that reside in special auditoriums. I would have entered the Fool’s Theatre myself, but it’s the only room which I can't even access.”

“And who are these, ‘Lead Actors’?” Goro asked the shadow, “What do they look like? And where are they located?”

“I… haven’t seen any of them, so I don’t even know what they look like.” Joker confessed to the group hesitantly, “But I’ve heard they reside in the auditoriums like that one-”

He gestures to the Empress Theatre on the floor.

“-and they seem to only open their doors to patrons who meet two special conditions.”

“How do you know this?”

Joker turns to Goro and smiles at him.

“Goro, I’m a thief, sneaking about and eavesdropping is what I do best!” he said. Goro only narrows his eyes slightly in response.

“And what are the two conditions, exactly?” Makoto inquired.

“The first condition-” he started as he turned to Makoto, “-is to watch the performances on each of the floors. For example, I heard that in order to gain permission to even get within the Empress Theatre, you must present a ticket with punch holes showing you’ve watched the two performances located within numbered halls.”

“Well, that’s easy enough,” Ryuji said, leaning back in his seat and crossing his legs, Makoto ignoring them as Joker continued his explanation.

“The second condition is to enter the auditorium with the person who matches the Lead Actor.”

“Matches the lead actor?” Ann said, looking at Joker with confusion, “What does that even mean? And how are we gonna get in if we’ve never seen the actor before?”

“I suggest we concentrate on the theatre watching first,” Morgana said, crossing his arms, easily slipping into the advisory role he’s been assigned. He turned to Joker, “Joker, do you have any idea how to get these tickets to access the halls?”

“Actually, I have them here already,” Joker said, pulling several golden tickets from his sleeve, the slips of admission shimmering beautifully form the light above. He put them down, pushing them towards the middle of the table in order to allow everyone to take their own slip of the key they need to help them unlock their friend’s heart, “I… stole them from the counter, just in case you guys would ever come to...”

His face flinches for a moment, an expression of pain flashed before the rest of the group. He smiled at all of them, yet sadness was still reflected in his golden eyes.

“Never mind, all that matters is that you’re all here.” he smiles, “Oh, and I almost forgot-”

He took a booklet out of his coat.

“-A program that contains the map to the Palace.” he elaborates, “It should tell you everything about the building, and should give you a clue on how to navigate it.”

He placed the program alongside the tickets, Yusuke snatching it up before anyone who could look despite the protest of an annoyed Futaba who hissed him with insults as well as calling him ‘Inari’. Makoto shakes her head, yet the rest of the girls couldn’t help but giggle at Yusuke’s eagerness to examine the peculiar booklet, the boys of the group rolling their eyes at the artist’s eccentricity.

“Well, while Fox has the chance to thoroughly inspect the program you gave us,” Goro sighed as he turned his head to the shadow next to him, “Might as well explain as to why there’s no sign of a treasure.”

“Do you think I’m the reason why there’s no treasure?” Joker asks, and Goro pursed his lips in response.

“Well, it is weird that neither I nor Futaba could detect it.” Morgana piques up, jumping up from Ann's lap and onto the table, “Even when Futaba’s treasure turned out to be her, I could sniff it out easily...”

He trails off his gaze drifting onto the ground, before his head snapped up, his eyes filled with resolve.

“But that doesn’t matter right now!” Morgana said, “Our first goal here is to rescue Ren, treasure or no treasure!”

"Well, if our primary goal is to rescue Ren from the Fool's Theatre, we must do it by the 11th of April," Yusuke said suddenly, closing the program before gently returning it to the centre of the table and grabbed one of the golden tickets for himself.

"The 11th of April, where did you get that date from?" Sumire puzzled, Yusuke turned to look at her.

"It said so in the program." he replied as Futaba took the booklet for herself, "'Join us at the Fool's Theatre for the World Premiere of a performance of a lifetime' it said, and it referred to a special guest appearance; no doubt referring to-"

“Ren-senpai.” Sumire finished his train of thought.

“Well, judging from the map here, it’s gonna be pretty easy.” Futaba said as she flicked through the booklet herself, “There are only nine floors we need to go through, ten if we’re including the Fool’s Theatre.”

“And all we have to do is to just watch some plays, right?” Ryuji said, crossing his legs casually in his seat, “Man, this is gonna be a piece of cake for us. I mean, even if there are shadows who are gonna jump us like with those shadows earlier, taking them out would be easy.”

“Still, I think it would be best to exercise caution.” Haru said, “Speaking of which…”

She turned to Yusuke. He raised an eyebrow.

“Yes, Noir?”

“I think you need some healing. I can still see the impact of the previous fight on you.”

“I’m fine, Noir. Really, it is no trouble-”

“No, please, Fox. At least take some-”

“I would rather not-”

“Fox-!”

While the group was too occupied with the bickering members, Joker turned to look at Goro. His eyes gazed soft and longingly at the black figure who looked away from the commotion, instead more content in observing the wandering cognitions as they talked amongst each other.

“Akechi.” Joker said, his voice a whisper, “How did you-”

“Wouldn’t you like to know.” Goro grumbled back, his back still turned towards the shadow, “I don’t have to explain anything to you. Just know that I am alive.”

“Oh, okay,” Joker mumbled, taken aback by Goro’s dismissive tone, sinking back into silence.

“-There we go, Fox. Are you feeling any better?” Haru said, her words caught the attention of Joker as he turned to look to see a smiling Yusuke.

“Why yes, Noir.” Yusuke smiles, “I feel much better actually, thank you for healing me, although you did not have to.”

“Well, you were stubborn about it, but I’m just glad that your injuries are-”

“If you’re all done fooling around, then I suggest we get this infiltration started.” Goro snapped and interrupted Haru, everyone flinching at Goro’s outburst as he got up from the booth seat, “We haven’t got time to waste. We have a deadline to keep to, remember?”

“Dude we’ve got more than a month.” Ryuji said, “And besides, why are you so eager to get started?”

Goro’s only response was a cold look towards Joker, the shadow stone-faced as red gazed into gold. Without another word, Goro turned on his heel and walked away.

Joker slipped out of his seat to address his friends after Goro’s leaving.

“He’s right.” Joker admits, “You all need to get going. Every second you waste here is a second that Ren… my other… stays trapped in this place with the puppet master that’s holding him in there.”

“Does that mean you’re going to watch the performances as well?” Makoto asked the shadow; Joker shook his head in response.

“Forgot to grab a ticket for myself.” he said, “That, and I was thinking of making myself useful to the team. I can get into places that I doubt you guys even can, so while you see whatever’s going on in those halls, I’ll see whatever I can uncover regarding my other’s psyche.”

“But you’re already useful,” Sumire said.

“Yeah.” Ann agreed, “You already told us how to get into those auditoriums and got the ticket and the map to the Palace for us. You’ve done so much already for us, Joker. Don’t worry about it.”

“...Thanks.” Joker smiled as he watched his friends slowly exit from the booth, “It’s just. You’re doing so much for me already, it’s the least I can do to help you guys.”

“Nah man, you’ve already done so much for us before this.” Ryuji laughed, pulling the shadow into a quick hug, “If anything, this is us repaying you for all you’ve done.”

“I agree with Skull,” Morgana said as he hopped from the table, his own ticket glittering in his paws, “This is our way of returning the favour.”

The other thieves nodded in agreement to Ryuji and Morgana’s words, and Joker’s smile grew larger. He felt loved, their resolve glittered in their eyes.

“Thank you, everyone,” he said, before turning to Makoto.

“Well, I suggest you all go into the Devil Theatre first, the one numbered fifteen.” he informed the temporary leader, his gaze looking sternly at her as he nodded towards the general direction of their goal, “It’s the only one currently available for showing. I’m sure the other hall, numbered seventeen, will open once the performance is done.”

“Thank you, Joker,” Makoto said as she nodded at him.

“You’re welcome, my Queen.”

He watched the rest of the thieves wander towards the auditorium, sans Makoto, who briskly walked towards Goro. He watched as they spoke with each other, Goro standing from the wall he was leaning on, hush words exchanged between the two thieves. Their conversation stops, and both Makoto and Goro wandered towards the entrance where the others stood.

Joker waited, watching silently as his friends all went through the door, he watched as the door closed fully, watched he was alone with the cognitions of his palace. No sign of the door opening again, he waited for a bit, until he assumed, they'd taken their seats. Good.

He looked behind him. At a small black, glistening speck nestled within the dark where even the sharpest eyes could barely detect it. He looked directly at the hidden camera.

And smiled deviously.

  ---

  Makoto was the last one to seat herself within the last row of the small auditorium room, the thieves sitting in the row behind the rest of the cognitive audience, allowing themselves to be hidden among the shadows. The lights that illuminated the sides of the room dimmed into darkness, signalling the audience that the play before them was about to begin. A second passed. Then two, then three. Slight creaks echoed amongst the audience within the room as cognitions shifted impatiently in their seats, the Phantom Thieves on edge as they anxiously waited for the performance to start.

“Is something supposed to-”

A stark shutter interrupted Ryuji’s inquiry, the stage lit with a single spotlight, the cognitions muttering ceasing as their heads snapped to watch the stage.

Stillness sunk within the small space. Then the sounds of steps, before a figure emerged into the light. Black curls of hair characterised the actor before them, his face down, shrouded and obscured to the rest of the audience. Yet the Phantom Thieves knew who it was. It was…

“Ren?” Ann whispered as she turned to Futaba who was sitting next to her, “Is that him?”

“Hmm, doesn’t look to be him,” Futaba said, adjusting her goggles as she took a closer look at the actor on the stage, “Readings seem to be giving off that this Ren is merely a cognition of sorts. A fake.”

“Why would Ren have cognitions of himself?” Yusuke queried Morgana who was seated next to him.

“It may have to do with something related to the particular formation of his Palace,” Morgana explained as he observed the cognitive Ren closely.

The cognitive Ren looked at the audience, his eyes unfocused.

“February was where my end, began.” The cognition started; his tone flat as he began his monologue. He talked about saving a woman from a drunken man while he was walking home, how his parents found out he was sued, how he was shipped off into the city, and how he had to stay in an attic within a coffee shop. The thieves quickly understood that the cognitive version of their leader was recounting his time in Tokyo.

“April the 11th,” the cognitive Ren continued, “I met someone who would become my best friend, I discovered a World where the deepest, darkest desires of men manifest, and it was the day that I finally felt… free.”

“That’s when he awoke to Arsene, right?” Ann whispered to Ryuji, who gave a nod as the cognitive Ren continued his monologue.

“I mean, it makes sense.” Morgana said, “When you guys first tore off your masks you are tearing off the mask you wear around society and the outside world.”

“-And so, every time we summon our Persona’s, we are revealing our inner selves towards the rest of the world?” Haru said, clasping her hands, “That’s really poetic.”

“I suggest you all shut your mouths if you don’t want to get caught.” Goro snaps at them, his voice controlled yet a hint of annoyance towards the conversing thieves. Ryuji looked at him as he was about to snap back towards the traitor, but decided against it, while the other thieves shifted uncomfortably in their seats before turning back their attention to the play before then.

Madarame’s Museum, Makoto’s blackmail, Kaneshiro’s Bank. Futaba’s cry for help in exchange for helping take down Medjed. Meeting Haru. Taking down Okumura. Changing Sae’s heart. The interrogation and Goro’s betrayal. The cognition continued to recount the events of Ren’s year in Tokyo with a monotone voice to his crowd, yet the thieves noticed that memories he even considered ‘positive’ during his time there were few and far in between.

“If these were his memories, then why are there barely any happy ones?” Sumire puzzled out loud towards Makoto, who crossed her arms in thought.

“He might be minimising his happier memories and magnifying his traumatic memories,” she said, watching the cognitive Ren as he continued to monologue to his audience, his voice dull, his expression downcast with shadow.

“Why?”

“I… I don’t know Sumire,” Makoto admitted, turning to her with sorrowful eyes.

“Is it just me, or has the spotlight dimmed a bit?” Haru said, Yusuke giving her a nod of agreement.

“I’ve noticed it too,” he confirmed, his voice solemn, “Is it perhaps something to do with the play itself? The subject matter?”

“Yeah, it makes more sense if that were the case,” Morgana said, “After all, this reflects a part of Ren's psyche. If the stage is dimming, it will be related to whatever this play is about.”

“Another thing, Morgana. If we are required to watch these plays in order to access the main theatres to get the keys to unlock the Fool’s Theatre, is it Ren’s way of communicating his troubled mind to us?”

Before Morgana could answer Yusuke, stunned gasps erupted from the audience. The cat turned his attention towards the stage, only to find the cognitive Ren sinking into darkness, still monologuing, unaware of his current predicament.

Morgana caught the words that came out of the cognitive Ren’s mouth, and he felt unease slowly churn his stomach. The cognitive Ren was talking about his life back in Inaba: the shame his mother and father bore with his false arrest, the shunning and isolation he faced from his classmates, the rumours that seemed to follow him from Shujin. Though the cognition kept the same, blank expression towards the audience, each word he seemed to utter sank him deeper and deeper in his own shadow, swallowing him whole as the audience did nothing but watch the spectacle in bewildered silence.

“What the eff...” Ryuji said, trailing off in horror, turning to Ann with pleading eyes. Yet Ann shook her head in response, knowing that the impulsive member of the group wanted to save the sinking mockery of their friend - something she wanted as well.

“Ann...”

“Skull,” Ann said, careful to use his codename as she spoke, her voice soft and pleading as she gently pulled him down back onto his seat, him following almost instinctively as he sat back down. He too saw her desire to spring into action, to save the cognition as he drowned in his own shadow, dragged into sentient darkness while staring at them with blank eyes; but she knew she could do nothing, as so did the other thieves, and Ryuji tried to swallow the rage he felt as the audience clapped with disappointment at the cognition’s performance.

---

“Are you enjoying the performance so far, my guest?” Joker asked Ren, him smiling gleefully as Ren looked at him with hatred, bound hands curled into fists as his shadow, Joker’s eyes illuminating with pleasure.

“Performance? You call that a performance?” Ren spat, concealing his confusion of his shadow’s plans, and plotted to use Joker’s smugness in order to get even a sliver as to what his shadow had in store, “I’ve seen better performances at kindergarten productions. Even low budget soap operas have more effort than that story excuse for drama.”

“I know what you’re doing, Ren,” Joker said, his expression unchanging, amused to see Ren trying his best to outsmart his own shadow, “It’s cute but, don’t think for a second that it’ll work on me. I know you, and I know you’re trying to slyly trick me into giving away my plans.”

Joker chuckled as Ren’s expression, his other wearing one of annoyance, licking his lips before he continued to taunt him, “I can’t give you a hint. Not yet. It'll ruin the surprise.”

“Surprise?” Ren pondered, raising an eyebrow, and Joker mockingly covered his mouth and gasped.

“Oh, there I go again, running my mouth,” he gasped, before laughing hysterically, clearly amused with himself as he stepped forward towards his bound other, “I must really be careful with what I say. I really mustn't spoil the plot for our grand performance.”

“‘Grand performance’. you mean whatever’s going to happen on the 11th next month, right?”

“You’ve been paying attention.” Joker said, and Ren frowned in response, “But yes. I have a great production for you…for the whole world to witness. It will be the culmination of our desires and dreams, and-”

Joker stopped himself mid-sentence, realising he had gotten ahead of himself, almost making an amateur blunder, and withdrew his hands back into his pockets. Ren could only hiss in disappointment as he anticipated his shadow causing his mistake, playing on Joker’s smug demeanour and using it against him. Instead, the shadow continued to observe him, intense gold shining coldly behind his mask, leaning lazily on the doorframe where he stood.

Something on one of the monitor screens caught Joker’s attention, his eyes focused intensely behind him, as if hypnotised by whatever’s currently playing. Using his strength, Ren swivelled around in his chair to see what Joker was staring at, following his shadow’s gaze to see…

Himself. Crying. Cupping his hands, ash in them, kneeling on the hardwood stage as multiple shadows around him laughed mockingly at him. Two Kodama’s circled his crying copy, giggling as they floated, swirling freely in the air, drowning his sobs as they laughed over him. Ren could see two other shadows that stood behind the curtains, Sraosha looking quietly with its gigantic eye as a Fuu-Ki summoned a gale of wind, his clone trying to shield the ash from the gust, clutching the ash closely to him, yet Ren could see the spotlight illuminating clearly that his treasure was falling swiftly through his fingertips.

“Joker.” Ren said, his voice demanding, angry as he did not understand what the both were watching, “You mentioned scripts, right? What is this supposed to mean? Why are you making me watch… whatever this is!?”

Joker snapped from his trance, blinking his eyes slowly before looking at Ren in acknowledgement. He answered Ren’s question by giving him a grin that made Ren’s blood boil, his knuckles white, rage bubbling in his throat, and Joker couldn’t help but laugh at Ren with utter glee.

“Ren, don’t be upset,” Joker said, walking towards Ren until he loomed over him, the shadow’s shadow cast upon him. He craned down his neck, face inches from Ren’s, his smile full of teeth as his eyes gleamed with such intensity that Ren could not help but wince in intimidation, “After all, we haven’t reached the climax of today’s show, Don’t you want to know what happens? Don’t you?”

“I don’t think I have a choice in the matter.” Ren said, grimacing as Joker’s smile stretched even wider.

“That’s the spirit!” he exclaimed with joy, patting Ren on the head in a congratulatory gesture towards his guest, “After all, I did prepare all of this for you and your friends to enjoy. And enjoy you all shall, ‘ll make sure of that.”

“I still don’t underst-”

“Nononono.” Joker murmured, putting a finger onto Ren’s lips to silence him, shushing each time Ren dared parted his lips, “No more questions. I have to go see the others soon, I can’t miss my cue, you’ll sit tight and watch my performance, won’t you, Ren?”

Ren did not reply. He couldn’t, the steady, defiant look he gave to Joker was the only thing he could do in that situation, and Joker enjoyed how much power he exerted over him.

“Good, good, Ren. I appreciate it,” he said, taking his finger from Ren’s lips, his other keeping silent, maintaining his rebellious expression, up until Joker again closed the door to his prison did Ren allow himself to finally shed a tear.

  ---

  “Damn, that was another bummer, huh.” Ryuji sighed as they exited the other auditorium, his expression dejected as he watched the other thieves emerge from the room alongside him. Each thief wore a similar expression of sadness, coming to terms with what they have witnessed, and the only two who did not seem perturbed as they made their way towards their booth were Morgana and Goro.

“Yeah, both of them sucked,” Ann agreed as she hesitated in following Yusuke within the seat, instead content to just stand over the table as Futaba took her place within the booth, “The audience weren’t all that great either, ‘he’s just being a cry-baby’?! Why would they think that?”

“Same,” Haru sighed, rhythmically tapping her fingers on the polished table in front of her, “It didn’t help that the audience were so rude about it.”

“How can anyone even be ‘bored’ by someone’s misery like that,” Futaba seethed, ignoring her laptop in front of her, her voice cracking as she threatened to cry at any moment, “I know they’re just cognitions, but the idea of even them complaining about Ren’s suffering...”

“...It truly is sadistic, isn’t it?” Yusuke mumbled, hand resting on his chin.

“Remember, whatever is shown in the Palace is a reflection of their ruler’s heart,” Morgana stated, hopping on the table as he addressed the group, “There must be a reason, something in Ren’s psyche that states we have to bear witness to… whatever these plays represent. If we do, it may hold a clue for us to bypass the other plays within this Palace, making our infiltration faster.”

“Mona’s right,” Makoto said, nodding with agreement at the cat’s words, yet the others looked at the both of them with doubt, “Maybe if we ask Joker, he can give us a clue-”

“A clue about what?” a familiar voice purred, and she turned to see Joker standing in front of her, expression neutral, hands in his pockets as he tilted his head in curiosity, “Is it something you need my help with, my Queen?”

“Your entrance was certainly timely,” Goro said, narrowing his eyes as Joker removed his hands from his pockets, allowing them to hang beside him, “Where were you while we were watching those plays? We didn’t see you when the first once ended.”

“I was looking into some things,” Joker answered nonchalantly, absentmindedly waving his hand in the air as he spoke, “Mostly to do with the theatre at the top,”

“Did you find a way to get in?” Makoto asks, in which Joker responded with a frown and the shake of his head.

“No… I’m sorry, Queen,”

“That’s okay,” she reassured him, giving him a reassured smile, “You tried your best, it’s all we can ask for at the moment,”

“Still, how were the plays?” Joker asked, his gaze looking towards the rest of the thieves, “Judging by your expressions, I take it that they weren’t great?”

“No...” Sumire trailed off, expression sullen behind her mask, “They were really depressing, Senpai, it was really hard to watch at times,”

“Oh,” was all Joker had to say to her.

“Yeah,” Haru said, agreeing with Sumire as she adjusted a loose strand of hair that had fallen in front of her face, “It was certainly hard to watch without feeling sad, certainly. Joker, do you know if all the plays are as depressing?”

“I don’t know, they might be, they might not,” Joker admits, “If the plays are too hard to bear, I suggest you come tomorrow and-”

“Nu uh, we’ve come this far already,” Ryuji huffs, uncrossing his legs, “And we aren’t bailing on you, Joker, not until we get… whatever is in there.” he said as he points towards the Empress Theatre.

“Ah, yes,” Joker said, “The Empress Theatre… to get the key right?”

“Speaking of the Empress Theatre,” Makoto remembered, “We still have no clue as to what the second condition is in order to enter it. Will you mind filling us in, Joker?”

“That I can do,” Joker said casually, “But be warned… I don’t exactly understand it myself.”

“Meaning?” Goro challenged, raising an eyebrow as he looked at Joker.

“Well,” Joker started, his eyebrows furrowed as he tried to collect his words, “I’ve mentioned earlier that the person going in has to match the Lead Actor, correct?”

“Correct,” Makoto said as she nodded to Joker, “But, what does that actually mean?”

“Well, I suppose it has to do with it resonating within one of you,” he said, “Ren wears many masks, each one representing an aspect in his daily life, a person who he faces every day. If these auditoriums are so important that the Lead Actors reside in them, that much mean that each hall might represent-”

“One of us,” Morgana finishes, and Joker nods.

“He cares a lot about you all.”

“So, those messages we got, and the Metaverse app installing itself back on our phone… are you suggesting the reason why is because of these Lead Actors?” Goro theorized.

“It might be, Goro,” Joker shrugged, “However, when it comes to each of you belonging to which hall, I don’t really know. What I do know is that I can go into any of them besides the Fool’s Theatre; I suggest whoever goes first that I’ll accompany them as well. There’s no telling what can happen in there once the Lead Actor appears, if they’ll appear, of course.”

“If I may ask, Joker, how do we know if we're the appropriate thief to enter them in the first place?"

“That I… I don’t know.”

The thieves pondered for a moment, each of them looking around at themselves and back at the double doors that lead to the Empress Theatre. Silence fell upon them, the chatter of the cognitions echoing in the background.

Then Ryuji stood up from his seat.

“Well, if you guys are okay with it, I’m going first,” he stated, shocking everyone as they all looked at him with baffled expressions.

“Ryuji, how do you know it is you who fits the conditions of the Empress Theatre?” Yusuke queried his teammate and friend, looking at him with questioning eyes.

“Honestly, I don’t,” Ryuji confesses, “But like, I don’t like the idea of us just sittin’ around here while Ren is above our heads enduring god knows what-”

“But it says Empress, Ryuji,” Futaba interjects as she slumps in her seat, “Meaning it’s gotta be one us girls, not you, who goes in there,”

“Hey, Empress’ can be boys, too!” Ryuji exclaims.

“Nu uh,”

“Can too, probably,”

“I’m sure that’s not how it works,”

“Well, I’m sure if Naoto Shirogane is still called the Detective Prince despite being a woman, Ryuji could very well be an Empress of some kind,” Goro remarked, grinning mischievously, amused somewhat by his own joke.

“See, Futaba? Goro’s got a point!” Ryuji smiled, crossing his arms, and Goro dropped his jaw in astonishment.

“Ryuji, you are aware that I’m making fun of you, right?” Goro huffs, and Ryuji looks at him with an expression of shocked betrayal.

“Wait-what?! I thought you were helping me?!” he stammered as some of the thieves could not contain their giggles, and even Joker couldn’t help but smile at Ryuji’s reaction, “Well, I’m gonna take that as a compliment, anyway,” he said, crossing his arms, “At least I’m trying to think of something to help Ren, why you gotta be an ass about it?”

Goro responded by rolling his eyes before he returned to staring at the double doors.

“Um, I’m sorry to interrupt, but may I volunteer myself to enter it with Joker” Haru piped up, raising her hand quite timidly, trying to get the attention of the rest of the thieves.

“Sure, Haru, but is there something wrong? I hope I’m not being too forward with this, but I didn’t expect you to volunteer so readily,” Makoto said.

“It’s okay, Makoto,” Haru smiled, “And as for me volunteering… I don’t really know how to explain it, but...”

She looks directly towards the Empress Theatre’s doors.

“I feel… strangely drawn to it,” Haru confesses, her eyes steadily fixated on the doors, “It’s like… It’s calling me, I think? I’m sorry if it sounds absurd, but-”

“You have nothing to apologise for, Noir”, Ann said, smiling at her friend as she puts a reassuring hand on Haru’s shoulder, “I mean, we’re in the Metaverse, and there’s bound to be some crazy things that occur here.”

“That said, Panther,” Morgana said as he approaches Haru, “It might be because Noir is the only one that’s able to go into the theatre,”

“How can you be so sure, Mona?” Yusuke inquired, resting his hand on his chin in thought.

“I mean, it is calling for her, right?” Morgana explains to Yusuke, “And given what we know of the Lead Actors, there must be a reason why the theatre itself is calling to Noir specifically. Plus, if we were wrong and Noir is not who the Lead Actor is calling to, Joker would be there to safely get her out, right Joker?”

“Yes,” Joker nods, “I’ll be sure to safely escort Noir out if anything happens. You have my word.”

“Oh okay then,” Haru said cheerfully as she got in her seat, the others doing their best to shift around their legs as she clambered out of the booth before giving Morgana a pat on head, “Thank you so much for the speech of confidence, Mona-chan, I appreciate it greatly!”

“Oh, it’s no trouble at all,” Morgana purred as Haru’s hand left his head. He turned to Joker, “Just make sure that whatever happens, both of you get out safe, okay?”

“We will, Mona,” Joker said, nodding as Haru approached his side, “You can count on me, I’m Joker after all,”

The both said their goodbyes to the others, Haru barely eye Goro as she did so, before they both turned towards their destination, Joker jumping ahead to grab one of the doors for Haru, opening it for her.

“After you, Miss Noir,” Joker said, bowing gracefully at her, hand tucked politely in front of him, earning a giggle from his teammate, a sound he was happy to hear from her, grinning playfully himself.

“Thank you, Joker,” she bows back playfully before entering the room, Joker standing up from his bow and following Haru inside, allowing the door to gently close itself, gently thudding shut behind them.

---

The interior of the auditorium was unlike Haru had ever seen, lilac carpeting over white marble trailed on the floor that led to the polished stage before her. Beautiful plush seats, all adorned with small white pillows sat in rows facing forward, all the same matching lilac as the carpet, while flowers of various colours decorated the column that supported the balcony seats above, vines supporting vibrate green leaves snaking neatly around railings, the pleasant floral aroma wafting down alongside small petals that landed beside her feet. She looked up, slow, hazy movement having caught her eye, to see a giant, crystalline chandelier hanging below a moving landscape of soft, painted clouds floating by an idyllic sky.

“It’s… beautiful...” Haru marvelled, her eyes wide with complete awe, the hall completely resonating with her aesthetics as she slowly stumbled forward. Joker watched her take in the sight of the decorations that adorned the room, smiling at how happy she looked as he walked ahead, patiently waiting down in front of the steps that lead up to the stage as she slowly clambered down among the row of seats, “Joker, this place is… it’s amazing!” she gasped giggly, and Joker could not help but chuckle at her excitement.

“Is it?” he asked rhetorically, raising an eyebrow in mock curiosity, yet Haru paid no mind to his playfully sarcastic response as she approached him, giddy with excitement.

“Yes...” she sighed as she looked at him, and Joker could see her flinch as soon as she remembered the task she was here for, “I mean… I…. I-” she stammered, a light shade of blush forming on her cheeks, “I’m sorry, I got carried away there, haha,”

“It’s okay, Noir,” he chuckled, before gesturing her to go up the stairs first, a curt bow as he raised his hand towards them, “After you,”

“Thank you, Joker,” she giggled, climbing up the stairs on the stage, her pumps clicking as she walked on the polished floor. She wandered on it, Joker following behind her with a casual stride, “I suppose we need to find the Lead Actor now, right?”

“I guess-”

The lights shuttered shut, both Haru and Joker jumped in place, both grabbing and readying their weapons as they stood side by side. Nothing happened. There was no movement, only the sound of silence echoed the walls, their own breathing almost deathly silent as the two of them prepared for an enemy to pounce.

Another shutter echoed the still theatre. A single spotlight shined suddenly in the dark. Haru narrowed her eyes in confusion and worry, her grip on her axe tightening, feeling Lucy stir under her mask as she took small, slow steps towards the solitary spotlight. Her ears strained in the silence as she slowly approached the outer rim, yet she saw no shadow slithering in sight.

“Joker?” Haru whispered, turning her head to find the shadow of her friend missing, sweat now gathering under her gloves, gaze flicking anxiously as he tried to spot him. Another sound. Haru turned to see nothing lurking in the audience area.

She felt rough hands grab her shoulders, and she was promptly shoved into the light. She tumbled into the spotlight, shrieking as light consumed her vision, before shifting to dark, and Haru could feel herself falling.

She fell, wind whipping her hair, weapon slipped from her grip as she flailed in nothing, she screamed, pleading for help, yet the shadows responded with nothing.

A sudden “oomph” fell between her lips as she sunk into the shrubbery, the plant miraculously cushioning her from what felt like to be a very steep fall. She groaned, the wind knocked out of her lungs as she impacted the bush, allowing her a moment to gather her strength before pushing herself up.

“W... where am I?” Haru thought out loud as her eyes scanned her surroundings. She found herself to be in some sort of garden, the plants looking sullen and sickly, wilting, starving for sunlight and warmth as they sunk into the stone that decorated the area, the sky black and empty, lacking any features. She got up to her feet, dusting her legs and trousers of dirt as best she could as she continued to look around, marvelling grimly at the state of the garden, yet found it odd that she could see without an obvious light source.

“Hello?” she shouted, her voice echoing, yet she heard no response. She quieted her breaths, listening intently for any sound in the stillness.

A sob. Haru rushed quietly towards it, softly stepping on the dead flowers and leaves as best she could, following a weathered stone path into an alcove next to a dried waterfall, only to see Ren sitting on a dead lotus, surrounded by a ring of anemone, naked and crying. Petals of marigold drifted gently down the golden shaft of light that illuminated him from above, some sticking on his skin, seemingly clinging it to him as the thorns of white roses dug into him, Ren covered in bruises and scabs as they seemed to suck sickly on his blood while narcissus flowers were stuck, rotten in his hair.

“Ren,” she said, reaching out to him in hopes of soothing her crying friend, only to be stung by the thorns that clung to him, and she could see them tightening around his body, pricking fresh new blood as he continued to wail. She panicked, his whines tugging at her heart, Haru desperately trying to reach out for him, calling his name over and over, yet for every word she uttered, his wail of pain and anguish drowned her out.

“Ren, please!” Haru begged, yet Ren barely acknowledged her, still sobbing as the vines strangled him more and more. She panicked, trying to desperately calm Ren while trying not to touch the vines, yet each patch of skin she reached for earned herself another lash from the roses as they rushed to cover Ren, causing him to howl and bleed.

“Ren, I’m so sorry, I don’t know what to do,” she apologised, watching solemnly as Ren continued to cry, barely acknowledging her presence, too absorbed within his despair as marigolds continue to flutter down towards him, earning another gasp as they landed snugly on his flesh. It seemed to her that the only thing that remotely stirred Ren were the flowers that surrounded him.

An idea sprung to mind. Hushing a goodbye, Haru retreated from the alcove back into the wider garden, a goal that kept her steadfast as she trudged among the floral graveyard. Her eyes swept across sickly green and brown until-

She spotted a single, small daffodil sprouting amongst dead branches, yellow barely shining amongst brown, its petals poking out just enough for Haru to see. She approached the flower, gently pushing the branches away before she carefully reached for the flower and plucked it from the ground.

“Hello, little friend,” she said as she gently held the daffodil in her hand, its petals shining in the omnipresent light. She stood up from her crouching position, the flower in her hand, and continued to patrol the garden, looking for any more flowers she could salvage from the decrepit garden.

In what seemed like hours (though she couldn’t tell, as time felt like it had no governance in that realm) she had collected four additional flowers for her small, makeshift bouquet: twin red Carnations sat next to the Daffodil in her hand, a purple Iris and a pink Hibiscus intertwined together wrapped up with the other flowers, and a Sunflower stood tall amongst them. By coincidence, she happened to find a pink ribbon amongst the mess of twig and stone that defined the garden, its origin unknown, but in which Haru used to tie the stems tightly together.

A last patrol around the garden and Haru made her way back to the alcove where Ren sat, the bouquet in her hands. She felt sickly as she saw the number of marigold petals that covered him, touching any inch of skin not already occupied by the snaking thorns around his hunched body. “Ren?” she whispered, in which he did not reply, but when she held up her gift did Ren stir from his position. He blinked; black, shimmering eyes stained with red looked at the flowers with curiosity. Haru choked back a fearful sob as Ren weakly reached for the flowers she held in her hands.

“Here, Ren. These are for you,” she said, yet she did not know if her words reached his ears, or whether he could even comprehend them while in his current state. He grabbed weakly at them, thin fingertips brushing against the petals of the flowers, grasping at them with great difficulty, and Haru helped him seize his gift by grabbing his hand before clasping his fingers for him.

“There you go, Ren. Just hold them tight,” she cooed, wrapping the flowers to his hand with the bouquet’s ribbon, making sure the knot she tied around them secure. She gave him a smile, and although Ren’s gaze was wholly fixated on the flowers he held, he smiled in return.

The white roses and their thorns rapidly snaked up his arms as Haru’s flowers erupted spontaneously into cyclamen and sweet pea, the anemone hissed at her feet as she stumbled back in fear. The petals of marigold once fluttered down sparsely from above now rained on Ren in a torrent as they drowned the boy, his hand holding what was once his gift still exposed, left untouched.

Haru tried to save him, she tried to approach her friend, yet something snaked between her ankles and held her in place, Haru looking down to see stalks of spider lilies squeezing her stationary, more and more joining as the stone path fell before her, Haru’s frame supported by the spider lilies that continued to assault her, Haru screaming as she desperately fought off the flora binding her in place. One latched onto her right wrist before pulling back, another one doing the same to her left, and Haru thrashed, squealing in utter fear as the flowers restrained her, and she looked to still see Ren’s exposed hand, still clutching onto the flowers, the ribbon gleaming vibrantly against pale skin.

“Get-” Haru tried to shriek, fighting instincts flaring in her muscles as terror pooled in her stomach. Yet she was silenced when the lilies snaked up her neck and around her mouth, and she muffled as they continued to climb up her body. She jerked wildly, her body flailing, her vision blackening, the last thing she saw being Ren’s still outstretched hand and the marigolds that continued to pour violently onto him before the lilies snaked around her eyes, and soon suffocated her other senses entirely.

  ---

There was nothing. Black.

Her head was full of fog.

Haru felt her mouth dry. She smacked her lips, the skin chapped, her throat hoarse. Dizzy. She felt dizzy.

The sound of chirped chatter, the patter of a carpeted floor and the clatter of cutlery. Bright light in her eyes mixed with darkness. She could smell something savoury.

Haru opened her eyes, her eyelashes fluttering against her face, the sound of the diners eating and chatting around her, the smell of the buffet reaching her nostrils caused her to salivate, the intensity of the yellow lighting above her made her wince as her eyes adjusted from the brightness from above. She raised her head from the cool dining table she was currently slumped over, waiting for her tired brain to register where she even was.

Blinking a few times, she finally knew where she was: at the famous Wilton hotel buffet in Tokyo. Memories of the spider lily assault sprung back to mind, and Haru panicked as she rushed as she felt her face and looked at her hands. Her mask was on, and she saw her purple gloves and her pink blouse. She was still in her Phantom Thief attire. She was still in the Palace; Ren’s Palace.

A pang of emptiness echoed in her heart as familiar giggles caught her attention, Haru turning her head left to see a copy of herself and a smiling, casually dressed Ren laughing over their cakes. She narrowed her eyes in confusion. She recognised this as one of the numerous meetings she had with him during Ren’s stay in Tokyo; a recent memory to be exact, celebrating her finishing her exams with some of the best confectionery and coffee the hotel could supply. She watched as they conversed, yet barely acknowledged the heavy feeling that weighted her breaths.

“This is good.” Ren complimented, gesturing to the piping, white mug he was holding, “Good coffee, certainly not close to Sojiro’s though,”

“I don’t think there’s coffee that comes close to how Sojiro makes it.” other Haru complimented, taking a sip from her own cup, a satisfied sigh passing through her lips.

“I mean, the guy had help from a certified genius in the form of Futaba’s mom, after all,” Ren pointed out as he gently put down the mug of coffee in front of him, “Wakaba helped a lot with perfecting the stuff Sojiro currently makes… although, I wouldn’t be surprised if he’d discover some special coffee tricks himself.”

“Yes well, I’ve actually arranged with him some hours in Leblanc, where he’d promise to teach me some of his coffee making skills,” other Haru said, and Haru could have sworn the sinking feeling came back with more intensity.

“Oh, stealing my job now, aren’t we?” Ren jokes, and other Haru laughs, waving her hand sheepishly. Haru’s own breaths grew heavier.

“Of course not, Ren,” other Haru giggles, “But it’s certainly a good experience to gain for running my cafe. Sojiro-san is kind, patient, and has good experience with running Leblanc, so I personally think it’s appropriate to be guided by him.”

“Well, good luck.” Ren said, taking another sip from his coffee mug, “I’m sure you’ll do great.”

“Thank you!” the other Haru smiled as she took another sip from her cup, “I know I’ll sound quite absurd, but I’m so thankful that you’re so supportive of me opening my cafe. It brings me with joy knowing that I have a friend like you.”

“It’s really no problem, Haru,” Ren said, yet Haru felt otherwise with another pang of dread and stress  echoed in her chest, “I want to see all my friends succeed, and last time I checked you’re one of my friends, unless of course there’s a fight or betrayal of trust I missed the memo of participating in,”

“Ren!” other Haru gasps and Ren casually laughs at her shocked reaction.

“I’m just kidding of course,” he winks, taking a sip of coffee, earning a giggle and a hushed, playful scold from the other Haru, yet Haru could feel inside her heart that it was anything but.

The two continued to talk amongst another, Haru quietly both Ren and her past self as they chatted about all sorts of things, absentmindedly consuming the various delectable treats as they did so. It was when the other Haru gasped did they both realise that they'd run out of sweets to eat. The other Haru stood up from her seat, Ren looking at her with a perplexed expression.

"I'm thinking of grabbing more treats for myself," she said, "The Wilton hotel does have the nicest desserts don't you think? I'm thinking of getting some more of their crumpets, they go well with the jam they provide. What about you, Ren? Would you like anything?"

"I'm fine, thank you," Ren said, smiling at the other Haru. With a nod of understanding and a hushed 'I'll be back' the other Haru quietly wandered away from the table, and it was the first time Haru herself could see Ren noticeably relax in his seat, the smile he wore flattening into a tired frown.

She grimaces, the suffocating feeling coming back now full force within Haru as Ren stared off into the distance, his fingers rhythmically tapping the gleaming surface of the dining table he was sat at. It was a feeling of aimless dread, the feeling that Haru was acquainted with, welling up inside of her from nights staring up at her ceiling, miserable as she had no tangible control of her life as she was used as a people by her father, then again as she was suddenly thrust upon with the responsibilities of managing an entire corporation without so much of an ounce of experience or help. She remembers the dizzying feeling of being so lost with what to do, aimless and stressed and drowning in her emotions, and she remembers Ren being the one who helped her overcome the thoughts of doubts and self-loathing that came with such a huge responsibility of planning her future.

So why was she feeling this all over again? Unless…

"I'm back, sorry I took so long." other Haru apologises as she puts down her plate of treats, Ren sitting back up in his seat and smiling at her, yet Haru could now see his expression was less vibrant than before, "Some vanilla sponge cake caught my eye while I was helping myself with the crumpets, and I was deciding whether to further indulge myself or to take what I wanted, which I ended up doing of course,"

"Shame to that sponge cake," Ren said jokingly, "Left alone in the cruel world, never to be eaten by someone as sweet as it, oh the tragedy!"

"Haha, I'm sure someone will save it from this cruel world," other Haru played along, gently cutting one of the crumpets on her plate into two, "Unrelated to our conversation on sweets, but how have you been doing recently?"

Haru felt herself choke at the question, yet Ren still wore his cheery expression.

"Other than applying for universities, nothing really major," Ren said casually, and Haru felt another well of stress rising from her chest, "I really want to go to a good culinary school, but I'm also looking at drama schools as well, not that they'd accept me, but I'm hoping at least,"

"Drama? I didn't know you were interested in drama. When did this happen, Ren?" other Haru said, and Ren smiled at her.

"When I was applying, I remembered my time as Joker," he explained, his voice now hushed, yet Haru could hear him just as clearly as if the surrounding noise quieted in volume around her, "I… I really enjoyed how free I felt, and though I love cooking more than anything, I… I really want to relive that feeling, I want to be Joker again, I guess is what I'm saying, even joined the drama club as soon as I got back to Yasogami High. A lot of my friends there were shocked by the sudden change of interests almost, but I guess I never knew I had that side within me until then, haha,"

"Well, I'm sure you'll do great," other Haru said reassuringly, and all of a sudden Haru felt… doubt creep out her throat, "You're a strong and determined person Ren, I'm sure whatever you put your mind to, you'll do great!"

Though Haru knew her words of encouragement to her friend were genuine, hearing them again while alien feelings churned around her heart felt disingenuous, fake, lacking any warmth as her past self took a bite out of the crumbling pastry, "And if you need any help, I'll be here for you okay?"

Ren could not help but force a smile, and Haru felt so alone as Ren replied a small, forceful, polite "okay" to the other Haru.

---

Light consumed her vision once more, and Haru found herself back in the Empress Theatre atop the polished, wooden stage, the bright spotlight shining down upon her as she rose from her knees. She looked around the stage, seeing only herself, not even Joker who had mysteriously disappeared, likely wandering within the depths of the backstage to investigate while she was trapped in her trial.

Grabbing her axe that lay beside her, Haru noticed a peculiar object that she had not seen before. It lay in front of her, edges gleaming beautifully in the light, and she recognised it as her mask.

“Is that…” she exclaimed in bewilderment, quickly touching her face to see that yes, she did still have her mask on. She pushed herself off the floor, picking up the handle of her axe before approaching the object, grabbing it off the floor.

It was a perfect replica of her mask, down to the soft bend where it settled on the ridge of her nose. It felt light, yet fragile, Haru marvelling at the craftsmanship down to the stitching on the edges, the material shone slickly as she tilted it around, taking a closer look.

She heard familiar heels clicking gently on the polished floor, turning around to see Joker, his golden eyes looking quizzically at hers as he walked towards the thief, hands in his pockets, his coat flapping lazily in time with the sway of his steps.

“So, you’ve gotten a key,” he informed her, looking at the black mask in her hands.

“To the Fool’s Theatre, right?” she asked him, and Joker nods, smiling proudly at her achievement.

“You did great, Noir!” he smiled at her, and Haru smiled in return. She pocketed the mask before she turned to leave the stage, yet when she made her way towards the stairs Joker gently grabbed her arm.

“Joker, what’s the matter?” she asked, slightly startled by his abrupt action. Joker pulled his hand away from her, a look of intensity in his eyes before they wandered from her own down towards her hand that clutched the mask.

“Why don’t you put it on?” he said, before meeting her gaze again, his tone assertive, not really asking her but rather demanding her to put on the strange object. Haru’s eyebrows furrowed.

“Why would I do that?” she asked, puzzled by Joker’s peculiar suggestion, tilting her head slightly, “Is it something I have to do in addition to-”

“No, that’s not it.” Joker admitted. He looked hesitant, constantly shifting from one leg to another, looking down at the floor as he tried to find the right words to convey his thoughts.

“It’s just...” he began, his voice trailed off along with his gaze. They both snapped suddenly back towards her, “Aren’t you tired of being Haru?”

“I… I don’t understand,” Haru replied, taken aback by his strange question, “What do you mean, tired of being me’? I don’t think I can ever be tired of being ‘me’ if I’m always ‘me’ so to say,”

“I meant, are you tired of being Haru?” he clarified, “tired of the responsibilities, tired of having to hide your true self, tired of having to suppress your feelings, tired of having to force yourself to smile, to pretend, to please everyone? Don’t you want to be free of it all?”

He pointed at the mask she held beside her, “All you have to do is wear that mask, Haru. If you do, you’ll be able to finally be free.”

Haru felt uncomfortable. She couldn’t fathom why Joker would suggest such a thing to her, stepping back in almost fear, his words settling a feeling of unease in her stomach.

“I’ll be free?” she asked, yet she feared she knew what he was suggesting. Joker stepped towards her, his eyes transfixed onto hers, his expression unreadable, and Haru could feel her heart thump loudly, ringing in her ears.

“Put on the mask, Haru,” Joker insisted, his tone demanding, expecting her to do what she was told to, “Put it on. Become Noir,” he said, “Leave Haru behind,”

“Joker, you’re scaring me,” Haru squeaked, again backing away from the shadow, her grip on her axe tightening, ready to defend herself if she absolutely had to. Yet Joker did not deter from his goal. He still pursued her, his pace quickened to match the fleeing girl, and Haru felt herself on the precipice of hysterics.

“Put. On. The. Mask. Haru.” Joker demanded, his calm, polite facade dissipated, the shadow from under his mask overcasting his eyes, taking one large stride across the gap between to loom over her, “Do it, Haru. Do it!”

“No,” she mumbled, and Joker looked at her, confused.

“What?”

“I said,” she began, her voice rising, her fear evaporating, the anger in which she wielded against shadows in the Metaverse coming to her aid once more. She eyed Joker, the same defiant look he had taught her to embrace when she rebelled against her father and her unwanted fiancé, the same call to action she had felt when she had first fully awoken to her Persona now buzzed within her fingertips, “I said, no! You might be Ren’s shadow, but you are not Ren! You’re an ugly part of him, one that could grow, and fester unchecked! I don’t care if you call yourself, Joker. You are not him! You will never be him! And I will never take orders from you!”

“But, Noir!” Joker pleaded, shifting once more into his polite facade, “I’m trying to free you! To give you a better existence! To exist unchained by society! Why are you throwing this opportunity to truly live as you are!? If you join me, you and I and the others would enjoy a perfect world where we rule it. Don't you want that?!”

" I don't want to, because,” she now shouted, politeness and kindness towards the shadow replaced with scorn and fury, regaining her footing against Joker as she stood up tall, axe now at the ready, feeling Lucy pulsating within her as her Persona itched for a fight, “I’m already living as my true self, as me! You should know, Joker. It was you - no - Ren, who showed me that, showed me that I can live and exist as myself, both around my friends and in society! I don’t need to exist as Noir, because Noir is me and I am her! And your "perfect world" idea? It goes against everything we, as Noir and Haru, and as the Phantom Thieves, stand for, and you know it yourself!”

The mask in her hand suddenly began to shake violently in her grip, Haru gasped as it fell out of her grasp and onto the floor, shattering into pieces.

“No!” both shrieked as the mask shattered, shards of black spilling across the stage. Before either of them could utter a word, the pieces began to vibrate erratically on their own before erupting into dark tendrils that rose into the air. They congregate together, swirling into a ball of black before morphing into a silhouette. Suddenly, as quick as it appeared the silhouette shed the shadow that formed it to reveal a Kali.

“Haru!” Joker gasped, yet Haru ignored him completely, running towards the shadow with a battle cry, both of her hands gripping tightly on her axe as she swung it with her entire strength. Kali blocked Haru’s attack with ease with the use of its swords, pushing Haru away, the girl stumbling back on the wooden floor, yet she managed to regain her footing, taking a fighting stance once more.

“Haru, stop!” Joker begged as Haru continued to fight the shadow, yet she did not heed his words, instead continuing her assault towards the shadow. Joker attempted to step between the shadow and the girl yet stopped when Haru reached for her mask.

“Lucy!” she shouted, ripping her mask off her face, summoning her Persona in an eruption of blue flame, casting Life Wall on herself as the Kali charged towards her, Joker desperately trying to find an opening to intervene, yet the gap between them closed too quickly. The Kali took a swing, the strength of its strike immediately bouncing off the magical wall that Haru put over herself and striking the shadow instead, and the girl used the opportunity provided to take out her grenade launcher before blasting the shadow back completely.

“Noir, what are you doing!?” Joker growled at her, yet Haru paid little attention as she raised her axe, and before the shadow could react, let alone flee, she brought her blade down upon it, killing it.

“No!” Joker shrieked as the Kali dissipated from the stage, leaving a crystalline version of the mask behind, clutching his hair as he stared at the object, eyes wide and panicked, “No no no no no!”

“W... what?” Haru mumbled, blinking rapidly as she calmed down, withdrawing her axe to her side as she saw the crystal mask on the wooden floor. It had the same shape, but it now appeared crystalline, its colour purple like the gloves she currently wore. She approached the masked and crouched down looking at it curiously, yet she dared not touch it.

“Joker, w-”

“You ruined everything!” Joker screamed as he stomped on the floor, tears forming around the corners of his eyes, enraged as he looked at Haru with hatred, “My prop… my precious prop… I spent so long preparing it, making sure it would do what I wanted; I even had to ruin my statue, only for you to destroy it!”

Haru flinched each time Joker raised his voice, her sudden burst of adrenaline from the Kali fight, the drain from her trial and the uncharacteristic tantrum Joker was throwing left her kneeling on the floor, too stunned and exhausted from her trial and fight to do anything but watch as he complained incessantly about his plans. He reached into his hair, intertwining his fingers around his curly locks, mumbling frantically, and Haru could just hear him talk to himself.

“Ruined… ruined… the key… the script… fuck...” he muttered, Haru straining to hear him through her frantic heartbeat. She reached slowly for the crystal mask that lay beside her, gently brushing the smooth surface with her fingertips before she grabbed it. As she did so, Joker snapped to attention and saw the mask in her hands.

“Haru,” Joker warned, hands dropping to his sides, staring at her with a blank expression, yet his eyes followed the mask obsessively, “What are you doing?”

“I’m… I’m taking the mask,” Haru said, her voice hesitant as she stood up from the floor, Joker’s gaze still following the object.

“Hah, you are, aren’t you?” he snarled, scowling with hatred as he looked at her, golden eyes radiating hatred towards Haru, “Ruining my plans, my production, just like that? Hah, I expected nothing less...”

“Joker, please stop this-”

“No!” he screamed, and Haru jumped, her breath lurching as he laughed maniacally in restrained gasps, holding his head in his hands as he closed his eyes, “Why, why would I stop? I want to achieve my goal, Haru, something you can relate to correct? After all, I was the one who helped you gather the courage to attend that stupid Okumura Foods meeting to launch your dream in opening your little cafe,”

He raised his head to look at her, “So why did you ruin mine?”

“Joker-”

“I know why,” he started, again walking towards her, his chin held high, his grin bearing teeth as he looked down at her, “It’s because you like to ruin things, don’t you, Haru?”

“I-”

“Taking Morgana away from us, always whining about the father who treated you to an end. By the way,” he pondered for a moment, tapping his chin with a finger in mock thought, “that guy you were supposed to get married with, Sugimura. Whatever happened to him?”

“I managed-”

“-to call off the marriage, I figured as much.” Joker smiled, causing Haru further unease, “To think you’d be able to do something on your own. Never thought you’d be even capable of something like that-”

“Joker,” Haru interrupted, and Joker stopped his rant as she slowly got up to her feet, “Ren… why are you saying all of this!? What are you talking about!? What’s gotten into you?”

Joker flinched visibly at her calling his real name, as if remembering that it was indeed his own name, and he wore a sour expression.

“Why do you want to know?” he spat at her, eyes narrowing in contempt as he addressed her.

“Because, this is unlike you,” Haru said, walking slowly towards him, expression sincere and kind as she spoke, “This is not the kind, understanding, supportive leader that I got to know. Ren...”

“Then you really don’t know me at all, do you?” he chuckled dryly, shaking his head in almost disbelief, “Haru; there’s so much you don’t know about me, yet you trust me? Why?”

“Well… why wouldn’t I?” Haru asked, genuinely confused as he continued to chuckle to himself.

“I know why,” he said, “Because you are an idiot. An airheaded, spoiled idiot that wormed her way into our friend group. If it weren’t for your father, we wouldn’t have to deal with Sae, I wouldn’t have to play bait just to get back at Akechi, and we wouldn’t have to deal with the scathing backlash, only to be forgotten like just some…. Some cultural FAD!”

Each word Joker said raised his voice until he was screaming at her, and each word caused Haru to become more and more upset as Joker assaulted her with his voice, echoing across the walls of the empty hall, until Joker was huffing, a hand over his forehead, almost heaving with exhaustion, and Haru attempted to reach out for him, only for Joker to swat her hand.

“Don’t” Joker managed to gasp as he suddenly felt dizzy, the same surge of power and energy he felt when first confronting his other that boggled his mind even further. ‘Why was this happening now?’ he asked himself as he eyed Haru with malice, while the curly-haired girl looked at him with horror; worry even.

“Just go,” he growled, his words only bringing more power to his veins, Joker trying to restrain the groans that bubbled up his throat, opting instead to huddle further towards the stage floor. Haru did not know what to do. She wanted to help, eyes widened with panic as to her, Joker’s condition continued to worsen, yet a small part of her feared retribution from the shadow if she tried to help him once again.

“Joker, are you-”

“LEAVE ME.” Joker screeched; his voice boomed in unnatural volume as the walls shook violently. Haru yelped as the power surges continued in Joker’s veins, him now unable to contain himself, uttering a groan of pleasure. He looked up from his curled position to still see Haru looking at him with worry, and with another boom, he shouted, “LEAVE”.

And Haru did. There was first hesitation in her steps, but she obeyed his request, turning and running from the stage and out of the auditorium as the petals from the flowers around her shed their petals at horrifyingly unnatural speeds, leaves shrivelling up and dying, falling towards the now running, scared girl as she swore her surroundings were collapsing around her, and Joker could not help but cackle behind her at the sight of her fleeing before he hastily retreated behind the back of the stage.

---

 “What do you think they’re doing in there anyway?” Ryuji sighed, leaning back at his seat as he bounced his leg impatiently.

The rest of the Phantom Thieves sat in the booth, waiting for Haru and Joker to emerge with the mask, eager to continue with their pursuit deeper into the Palace. Some occupied themselves, Futaba typing away on her laptop, trying to ignore the detective clad in black in front of her, while Yusuke lightly sketched the Palace interior in a little notebook. However, most of them did not have such objects to distract themselves as they waited, Ryuji finding it increasingly annoying that he couldn’t connect to the Internet while in the Metaverse, Ann absentmindedly flicked through the little program Joker provided them over and over again, while Makoto and Morgana discussed their next plan of action.

“I dunno, when they’re done, I guess,” Futaba answered “I’m trying to see if I can hack into anything that’ll give us a view as to what is happening inside. Hopefully, there are cameras and a network feed of some kind that I can easily hack into,”

“And what about Senpai?” Sumire asked Futaba, who looked up from her laptop to address her.

“He’s okay,” Futaba answered, “I’ve set up some signals to track his vitals and location. Though nothing’s major’s happening now, I’ve set up alerts if there is a change in either his location or condition,”

“I doubt that any real harm would come to him,” Goro informs, and Futaba scows.

“I didn’t ask for your opinion, bird brain,” she seethed in a hushed tone, Goro acting like he hadn’t heard or cared for what she said as Goro continued, “Whoever or whatever has Ren needs him alive to continue to exist of course; their existence is too intertwined with his wellbeing, and any disruption to that can cause serious harm to either the Palace or it,”

“And what do you suppose this ‘thing’ that has Ren, is? A rogue cognition?” Yusuke said, entering the conversation as he put his small sketchbook down onto the table. Goro hesitates, his tongue pressing against the roof of his mouth.

“I-”

“It’s probably some rogue shadow or whatever, maybe a cog’ of his parents since they’re really strict towards Ren,” Ryuji interrupts Goro, “Nothing to worry about, we can probably take them on easy, especially with Joker on our side,”

“I wasn’t going to say-”

“Guys cut it out and stop bullying Crow,” Ann scolded both Futaba and Ryuji, “I know we have our differences and stuff, but we need all the help we can get if we’re gonna save Ren. That also means no interrupting and name-calling, okay?”

“I didn’t call him names,”

“And I didn’t interrupt him!” Both Ryuji and Futaba defended themselves, Goro sighing at the bickering thieves, barely expecting them to allow him to speak at all, retreating away from them to see Yusuke and Sumire still intently holding their attention towards him.

“So, what do you think it is, Crow?” Yusuke inquires politely, Sumire looking as though she has the same question in mind. Goro looks away from the both for a moment, trying to word his thoughts.

“Well, I don’t think you’ll like it either way,” he began, his gaze still distant and thoughtful, red eyes looking at the double doors as he allows himself to ponder for a moment, “I still don’t have any evidence myself, but. I distrust the shadow that roams here,”

“You mean Joker?” Sumire asked, and Goro nodded in response, “But why, Crow-senpai?”

“I’m not one to question gut feelings, but why do you suspect his shadow?” Yusuke queried Goro, “He’s been doing nothing but helping us so far. The shadow is the true self is it not? If Joker is acting kind, can’t we suspect that he is kind in turn?”

“I don’t want to appear as being crass but: I have a feeling that Joker’s hiding things from you all,”

Everyone within earshot stopped abruptly with their prior conversations, Makoto and Morgana pausing from their discussion, Ann interrupted from her scolding of Ryuji and Futaba, all of them turning to face Goro in stunned silence, some with their mouths agape.

“Joker’s… lying to us?” Ann questioned Goro carefully, eyes unnaturally wide under her mask, “A-are you sure!?”

“Are you sure about that?” Ryuji interrogated Goro, leaning forward, looking at him with suspicion, “I mean, we are his friends, and we’ve known him way longer than you,”

“Yes, I know,” Goro gasped quickly, “But I have an uneasy feeling that he’s lying to you a-”

“Joker would never lie to us,” Futaba snapped at him angrily, the thieves flinching as she hissed at Goro with such uncharacteristic anger and boldness, “He would never! You’re just, just trying to get us to not trust him, aren’t you?!”

“Oracle, I-”

“No, you shut up, this is Ren we’re talking about,” Futaba hissed, her hands curling into fists as she glared at Goro under her goggles, “He would never lie to us! He would never! You don’t know him! You tried to kill him!”

“Futaba-”

“Shu-”

The Palace abruptly trembled, the chandeliers above rattled violently, vases shattering, cognitive patrons screaming as the Phantom Thieves sprang from their seats, with a quick order from Makoto, they all dived under the small table as their surroundings shook.

“What’s going on?!” Ann cried out as she tried her best to retreat underneath the table, pulling Ryuji in as he clumsily fell forward, “Why is the Palace shaking?!”

“I don’t know, but I do know that something’s happening to Ren,” Futaba informs them, voice barely audible shaking from the tremors and her fear as her laptop beeps noisily in her lap.

“Oracle, what’s wrong!?” Sumire screamed as the tremors worsened, Futaba scrambling to look at her laptop, typing away at the keyboard as her eyes darted around the screen.

“It’s Ren!” she replied, “I don’t know what’s happening to him, but-”

Haru stumbles out from the double doors, her expression one of haste and panic, and fast as the tremors came the Palace suddenly stood still. The cowering Phantom Thieves paused as Haru fell onto the carpeted floor in a daze, lying on her side and breathing heavily, clutching her axe alongside an object in her hands. One they suspected that the reason why the quake that had hit the Palace had passed, they each emerged from under the table, excluding Futaba, who was still working away on her laptop.

“Noir! Haru, are you okay?!” Morgana exclaims as he rushes towards the fallen girl, paws glittering with green healing magic, ready to aid her, “What happened in there?! Where’s Joker?!”

“Joker...” Haru mumbles, her expression downcast at the mention of their missing friend, her eyes fixated on the carpet floor, her fingers curling with reflex. She closed her eyes temporarily, feeling suddenly, very, very tired, and she could physically feel bags forming under her eyes.

“Haru, what’s wrong?” Ann asked the girl, too occupied with worrying about her friend’s help to use their allocated codenames, swooping down to her level, kneeling alongside Morgana on the carpeted floor, “You look tired, take it easy okay?”

Haru slowly nods, as if the gesture was a Herculean task on its own, acknowledging Ann’s words as she allowed herself to be assisted by the red-wearing girl. Ann approached Haru, sliding an arm around her back, slinging Haru’s arm around her neck before lifting her up by the shoulders.

“Haru, I’m sorry if I agitate you further, but may I inquire about the glittering object you’re holding in your grasp?” Yusuke asked, pointing at the shiny purple object in the hand that slung around Ann’s shoulders.

“Just… take it,” Haru slurred, her eyes fluttering as she struggled to stay awake, her energy quickly draining as she stood there, “Please, I feel...”

Yusuke nodded, catching the crystalline object as Haru dropped it, Ryuji running by her side, helping Ann up as Haru looked as though she was about to lose consciousness, her skin flushing white.

“Is that?” Sumire gasps as Yusuke observes what he assumed to be a key Joker mentioned earlier, “Is that Noir’s mask?”

“Whatever it is, it’s definitely a key,” Futaba said, having already scanned the object in their hands with Al Azif, “It’s resonating with the door on the topmost floor, no doubt the same one that leads to the Fool’s Theatre,”

“While I do want to discuss additional things, I suggest we first get Noir out of here,” Makoto commands the others, “She is in no fighting condition, and if we were faced with another ambush like we did earlier, with Joker missing, we would be in an especially vulnerable position,”

“But, Ren-”

“We can’t go on, Skull,” Makoto shakes her head, “As much as I want to rush ahead in order to save Ren, we need to let Noir rest and regather her strength. We have plenty of time, Ren is a strong person, and we can strategize what to do next back in the real world, but for now, we need to retreat, okay?”

Ryuji opens his mouth to argue, a force look burned in his eyes, yet when he looked at Makoto’s stern, uncompromising expression he closed his mouth. He visibly winced, attempting to argue with their leader, but when he looked upon Haru’s pale, sickly face he realised that Makoto had a point.

“Okay, Queen,” he sighed defeatedly, before gesturing to Ann to follow him out of the Palace. She nodded, and while carefully supporting Haru they made their way down the stairs towards the grand foyer.

“As for the mask,” she turns to the rest of the thieves that remained in the Metaverse, “Oracle and Mona, you should hold onto the mask for the time being since you’re close to the meetup spot. I’m sure Skull and Panther would escort Noir back home just fine. As for the rest of you, we’ll discuss our next meeting session when Noir feels better and regains her strength, and Oracle and Crow; please stay behind for a bit, I need to discuss possible methods of communication between us all, if that’s okay,”

Futaba and Morgana nod in agreement, Yusuke handing the object to the girl as he leaves, Sumire giving the remaining thieves a tiny wave as they both exit the Palace.

“You aren’t leaving, Mona?” Futaba questions the cat, noticing him standing vigilantly between her and Goro.

He gives a nod and a smile. “I made a promise to Ren that if anything were to happen to him, I would be there to protect you,” he explained, Futaba giving him a puzzled look, “I mean, he didn’t, but he implied it, and that’s good enough for me,”

“Anyway,” Makoto coughed, grabbing the attention of all three of them, “Oracle, how easy is it for you to make sure our chats and calls are secure?”

  --

  The foyer of the top floor was empty compared to the rest of the building, no cognitions of people or ushers holding shadows alike wandered along the red-carpeted floor of the foyer in front of the most important auditorium in the Palace: the Fool’s Theatre.

Two red doors stood vigilant, surrounded by smooth black walls of marble, veins of gold running through the stone as red curtains hung along it, potted plants sprouting tall, green shrubs sparsely decorated the room, a golden chandelier hung in the middle, glittering beautifully in the surrounding light.

Joker emerged from the elevators that hugged the wall next to the stairs, hands casually in his pockets, having escaped the Empress Theatre he made his way back into his own. He strides across the room with long steps towards the doors, grabbing its golden handle, yet paused to inspect the velvet that decorated them. Cavities that held the keys to the theatre, won by the trials all the thieves had to face stayed empty, Joker brushing a gloved hand to where Haru’s mask would have been slotted in, before pulling the door open, it obeying its rightful master and allowed him entry, the lights of the auditorium shuttering dramatically to life.

Bathed in golden luminosity, the interior of his beloved hall glittered wonderfully in his eyes. Black, pristine leather seats lined each row along with red carpet decorated in a faint checkered pattern, golden walls and columns accenting the room and balconies, leading up to the beautiful mural that reminisced Yusuke's interpretation of Desire and Hope, brought to life as colours swirled and shifted and radiated above the grand, obsidian chandelier that dangled below it. He made his way down among the row of seats, his footsteps padded on the carpet, and with one quick motion he shot out his grappling hook, zipping across the air, before landing perfectly onto the wooden performance space.

Retracting the grappling hook and tucking his hands casually in his pockets, Joker retreated under the towering, black and gold curtains of the stage as he headed towards his dressing room.

The door to his sanctuary was located at the end of the otherwise bleak hallway, the red velvet shining against blank white doors, his name on a star-shaped door plate made of gold. He reached for the doorknob, twisting it, a soft ‘click’ echoing in the hallway as he pushed it open.

His dressing room was as luxurious as the theatre it was housed in, red and blacks decorated each crevice, white and gold accenting countertops and tables and door edges, expensive platters of food, bottles of drink, and electronics scattered across the room, all with a marble floor, gold veins accenting cracks between the rock. In the middle room, a black leather seat faced a large screen TV that was nestled comfortably within the wall, two beautifully velvet lined doors stood next to each other, leading to his bedroom and ‘office’ respectively. Closing the door behind him, Joker ignored all the temptations surrounding him completely, instead wandering towards the back of the room, where a single door lay forgotten, untouched by the same opulence which adorned its surroundings. A gloved hand on the doorknob, he twisted, flinging it open with gusto, flooding the dark monitor room with light.

“Bonjour mon invité, je suis de retour!” he called, laughing as he reached for Ren’s chair, grabbing it before he spun around to his other’s scow, Ren’s face illuminated by artificial, flickering lights. Ren did not reply, he did not want to give the satisfaction that he knew his shadow craved, yet Joker noticed his glistening wet cheeks, taking upon himself to inspect Ren’s face by suddenly grabbing his chin, his other’s eyes astonished as Joker inspected him.

“Ren, what happened to you?” Joker cooed, yet his tone lacked any real concern or warmth as he tilted Ren’s head, inspecting the glistening streaks of tears on his face, “Why did you cry? Do my plays not bring you joy?”

“Shut the fuck up,” Ren hissed as he jerked his head away from Joker’s grasp, feeling more disgusted and sicker the closer his shadow got to him, “Don’t touch me, don’t you dare touch me,”

Joker withdrew his hand back at Ren’s sudden outburst, feigning surprise at Ren’s rebellious attitude towards him, “I’m safe to assume that your tears are the result of the performances I put on for you, or perhaps from me interacting with your friends?”

“Whatever your plan is, leave them out of it,” Ren fumed, pulling on the restraints that bounded his hands, “They’ve got nothing to do with this place. I’m clearly the one you want, and I suspect you’d want to keep it that way,”

“I do,” Joker muses, “But I also want them. You see, Ren, I’ve clearly invited them here, not to steal your heart, but to save them from themselves, from this Hellish society that we all live in-”

“And you’re doing that by insulting them and brainwashing them?”

“I… didn’t mean to say those things to Haru,” Joker confessed, “But she left me no choice. If she wasn’t going to join us, I had to drive her out, I had to push her away, so she wouldn’t interfere with us, you understand right? I know you do, because you’re me,”

“I’m not you,” Ren spat, though he knew deep down his shadow was right, the words he uttered to Haru were his, thoughts he kept deep within his heart, yet he tried anyway to deny the manifestation of his darkest thoughts and feelings around him, “I’m not you,” he cried, “I’m not you,”

“But I am you,” Joker said plainly, raising his neck above to look down on Ren, both to dominate and to allow him to accommodate the intoxicating surge of power that again surged his veins, “I am thou, and I will see my - our - plan to its conclusion. Because you know why,”

“Because-”

“Because I get things done.” Joker stated, interrupting Ren as he snarled with superiority, “I always get things done. You. You get nothing done. I always do, I will succeed in our plan, I will see my play come to its intended conclusion, and I WILL get our friends to our side, so we can finally get what we deserve,”

“You won’t, because the others will stop you,” Ren said, though he quickly knew he was losing his argument the further Joker’s amused grin twitched wider, “They’ll save me, they’ll change my heart, they’ll-”

Ren choked a sob, Joker’s eyes widened abruptly, and the shadow stumbled back, clutching the red fabric of his waistcoat tightly, crashing into the wall behind him as he gasped.

It was another surge, more powerful than before, Joker groaned as his head spun, dizzying sensations clutched his consciousness as his eyesight blurred, tears welling up the corners of his eyes, and he could feel his heart twist in his chest. It was the same feeling he’d experience with Haru, the same sensations he felt taunting his other, yet as he looked at the horrified expression Ren had on his face with forgotten tears freshly streaking his face did he finally realise where these sensations came from.

Joker laughed as the surge fizzled away as fast as it had arrived as he sat on the floor, lying against the wall as he looked at Ren who was dumbfounded by what he just had witnessed. Joker allowed himself to relax before he clambered back onto his feet, the surge leaving him a shaky mess as he supported himself with a hand on the wall. He took a minute for himself gathering his breaths as he slumped against the wall, all the while Ren observed him with perplexed, fearful eyes.

“Hah, what a revelation,” Joker exclaimed breathlessly, straightening his posture and turning to Ren, “To think we learned something about the Metaverse during our chats, and I thought Mona had told us everything,”

“You’re insane, you really are,”

“Hmm, I wouldn’t describe myself as such,” Joker shrugged, “Then again, I’m-”

“Don’t say it,”

“Then don’t make me,” Joker laughs before turning towards the exit, a hand resting on the doorknob, “Anyway, I’ll make sure to get you some water so you don’t dehydrate yourself, and in something that you can’t easily smash or use to spill onto the controls,” he added, “I’m not an idiot.”

With his last remark, Joker closed the door behind him, leaving Ren alone with the numerous screens, some of them empty, some of them with plays that played repeatedly, and some of them looping footage of Haru’s saddened expression, of his friends, fighting and bickering. He closed his eyes, trying to drown the incessant chatter that surrounded him.

But he had hope. Hope for his friends in reaching him, hope that he was able to hold his sanity together, hope that they’d change his heart, that they’ll persevere, that they’ll be able to fight through whatever his twisted Palace had in store for them, and whatever Joker had prepared for them.

Because, he knew he had to, or allow his twisted heart to consume him entirely.

FLOWER MEANINGS Sunflower - Respect, Passionate Love, Radiance. Iris - Good News,Glad Tidings, Loyalty Gentle - Gentle. Daffodil - Respect. Carnation - Fascination, Distinction, and Love Anemone - Protection from evil, Forsaken, Expectations. White Rose - Innocence, Silence, Devotion. Narcissus - Self-Esteem Cyclamen and Sweet Pea - Resignation, Good-bye. Lotus -  Purity, Chastity. Marigold - Grief, Despair, Jealousy / God’s Perfect Light. Red Spider Lily - Never to meet again, Lost memory, Abandonment TRANSLATE Bonjour mon invité, je suis de retour - Hello my guest, I have returned.

[writing-with-olive]

Intense writing advice while writing a first draft.

So this isn’t going to be me advising anything intense, but rather breaking some things down.

I haven’t published yet. I’m on my first round of edits for the first book that actually got through draft one. So I’m not through the whole experience yet, but I’ve gotten through that first draft in one piece. And along the way, a lot of my perceptions shifted.

When I was beginning my WIP, Project Toxin, I would see writing advice, such as “if you want to get to the necessary level of change in your work, you will have to rewrite the entire thing.” or “When you’re editing, you have to be ready to completely cut or add new scenes.”

And I’m not going to lie, that was overwhelming. I’m going to have to rewrite my whole book? I’m going to have to cut scenes that I worked so hard on? Then what’s the point of writing it now? At the beginning of the writing process, this writing advice nearly scared me off. My options became to ignore the advice, tell myself that I would not have to do that, and move on, or I could take it to heart, and decide that if that was what faced me, then I would not be able to complete this.

Given that I was dead set on finishing this book, I decided to ignore the advice, tell myself it did not apply to me. That I would get through it without having to do anything that drastic. As it was, I had 44 abandoned WIPs behind me, some already some 20k words long. I was not about to make Project Toxin the forty-fifth.

And yet now, some eighteen months later, I’m doing exactly what I told myself I didn’t need to do. I’m doing what I decided was unnecesary for my WIP. The first major edit was to cut my current inciting incident and write a completely new one. The second edit is to combine or split the scenes that needed it, or to make a noticeable change in almost every one of them. The third edit is to cut rewrite the latter half of the third act.

So what changed? Primarily, my perspective. By the time I finished the first draft, I had come to terms with the fact that there were some major things that needed changing, and that didn’t work for my story. I was ready to accept that they needed fixing, and some of the fixes would be more drastic than I had thought when I had first started.

The other thing was it wasn’t as intense as I had originally thought. When I planned my rewrites, I recreated my outline in the same style as I had prior to my first draft. And then I started writing. It didn’t feel any different to my first draft, other than the fact that the content suited my story better. I also didn’t realize that I was basically rewriting my story until halfway through Act I. I was going through the outline, first rewriting the parts that needed to be rewritten, then going through the scenes that would be kept. For those, I had a split-screen. On one side was what I already wrote, the other was for the scene with all the edits. That side started blank, but I basically rewrote the scene using what I had already written as a guide. 

This is what the advice means when it comes to rewriting - it’s not about taking the same WIP idea from memory and restarting. It’s taking what you already have - a rough block of marble, if you will - and refining it to something that more resembles the end goal.

The underlying lesson is this, then: It is okay if you’re not ready to hear advice. It is okay to save it for later. The first draft is like learning how to walk. If all you get is voices telling you that you can’t hold onto a chair or guiding hand if you want to be able to move on your own, that will be overwhelming and disheartening. After all, you’re still figuring how to move your feet infront of you.

It is okay to look at a message and tell yourself that you’re not ready for it yet. You will get there. And it will be okay.

[misfitjohnnys]

unintentional; hear all the words that I speak

You’ve worked hard for everything you’ve gotten and Mark Lee is a soft twist in your busy life, but you know hiding part of yourself eventually always bites anyone in the ass.

Word count: 20k - part 2/5

Reader x Mark Lee

(M)

masterlist // warnings

There were a couple of days before your flight. You spent the night in your hotel again and immediately spent a good amount of time with Mark. They were in town for another night following. You’d visited with your friends all day and after you dropped them off at home you and Mark stayed up late to watched some shows together with Ten and Taemin, had dinner, and returned to your respective beds. It was amazing to actually have some time to yourself. 

a/n: this chapter contains smut

Even your alone time didn’t feel quite so alone with your constant texts with Mark. You spent good amounts of time with each other and had a few run-ins throughout the day afterwards around his schedule, even spending some time in the city and dropping in to bring him some snacks and such between heavy rehearsals and filming, discovering your way back around your hometown and visiting famous places there. It felt comforting, visiting your family so you didn’t feel at all alone. It was good self-time and that was something you hadn’t had in months.

You couldn’t believe that after just a few days that a boy had you convinced to fly where he was going, but you were excited. Mark didn’t even have to do more than just ask and you were ready to risk it all and that scared you, but it didn’t stop you, not even a little bit. You’d easily explained to him that you didn’t take much time for yourself and had no reason to travel around, so he took it upon himself to invite you to live a little.

You said your goodbyes to your friends, promising them you’d make more trips to come see them and you hoped they weren’t empty; seeing their excited faces when you promised. You always wanted to visit more, but never made the effort or time and it disappointed you about yourself, but your friends knew you and they’d never let you live it down if you didn’t take the opportunity to go on the once in a lifetime trip with Mark Lee.

It had only been five days and you wondered what the hell had gotten into you, following a boy you just met just because he asked you to? Something wasn’t right but you didn’t even care. You hadn’t been so carefree since you were a kid. The flight over was more relaxing than you ever thought it could be because of the hopes of getting off the plane and spending more time with Mark. You had easily transferred your original tickets to a new airport, making it even more simple; as if it was meant to be. You reminded yourself that at least you’d be in Chicago, an easier accessible city that had an easy trip back to Los Angeles. You were flying not super far away or too far out of the path home, so that was nice as well. It was all going according to plan, as if the grace of Gods had given you a peace of mind.

You only wished you could’ve been on the plane with Mark and the others, but absolutely understood why it wasn’t possible. When you arrived at the airport, you carried your bags from the grab and tried to make your way down to car rental, but were stopped by welcoming arms in the corridor belonging to a soft boy in a white face mask.

“I missed you.” He told you, giggling behind his mask and grabbing your suitcase to bring it to the car that brought him. You couldn’t believe he was being so generous. He knew you all of what? Five days? It felt crazy, spending so much time with him felt unreal. You’d only been separated for a few hours and it felt like you’d known him for centuries. You sighed happily, stepping into the car and having him follow, sneaking his hand to hold yours and making you blush. “I’m gonna take you to lunch, my treat.” He laughed, seeing you blush and feeling like he finally had the upper hand in a conversation. It was weird, with Mark you felt like you were in control more than you ever did at your job. He made you not think about work, which was the biggest payoff of all.

He took you to a quiet hole in the wall pizza place, soft Jazz music played in the background as you sat in a booth together, looking over the menu amongst small playful jokes.

Being with Mark made you feel like you were in a dream. There were so many questions you had, so much love to explore, but he felt just slightly out of reach, simply because you felt like you couldn’t be completely honest with him and it shook you to your core, sighing and fiddling with your fork in hand until you were snatched out of your daydream by some soft words coming from his mouth.

“You okay?” He asked, reaching out to gently touch his fingers to the top of your hand across the table, a touch that felt almost too intimate; like sparks running through your brain.

“Yeah, I’m fine, just thinking a lot.” You warned him, shrugging and seeing mild worry continue on his face.

“Thinking about work?” You smiled because for once, you weren’t.

“Yeah.” You lied, smiling softly and seeing him get up and move to the other side of the booth next to you, your left side brushing against his right and you felt warm; whole. “I’ve got a lot on my mind. Vacation doesn’t come easy.” You told him, trying to relieve the tension of the conversation as he wrapped his arm around your waist, earning a soft gasp from you. He bit his lip nervously, looking over at you.

“You wanna see some funny stuff? Maybe take you out of your head?” He asked, grinning widely and putting his phone on the table. His background made you grin wide, a picture of him, Haechan, Johnny, and Jaehyun as his background and it made you want to hold him and tell him how precious he was, but you stopped yourself, sighing and wondering just how much cuter he was going to get. You looked over at him dreamily as he opened his phone to some videos that looked like they were just recently filmed, the hair colors matched up.

“Yeah, show me stuff, tell me about your friends.” You teased, seeing him blush. He knew you knew who his friends were, just not to what extent.

“Okay so here’s Taemin forgetting his phone and Ten found it, so we decided to fuck with him.” Hearing him swear with your own ears made you giggle even more than the video you were being shown. You’d seen it on Instagram while scrolling through earlier in the airport, but he didn’t have to know that. You kept glancing back and forth from his face to his phone, smiling dreamily and wishing the moment would never end.

Mark still felt out of reach, but in the moment you felt so connected. “You know, it’s actually funnier if you watch.” He teased, making you blush and squeezing your side before swiping to another video. This time it was of Taeyong sleeping on top of Lucas, hearing Mark’s faint laughter next to you through the phone speaker. “Okay so Taeyong came to wake us all up, but ended up laying on Xuxi and fell asleep, we all just kept laughing and teasing him to wake up and he refused.” Mark kept giggling, you’d seen that video too, but from a different angle and in their vlogs from when they were recording, so it made it even better, making you laugh and seeing a more intimate outtake of them. You felt special, even hearing Lucas’s nickname felt like private information even if you did already know what they all called him.

Mark kept swiping, showing you more videos that you didn’t expect until he came across one that felt way more private than you could’ve ever imagined. On screen showed Mark walking around their temporary dorm, something you’d only seen from the vlogs, but the video never got even near close to being posted. Mark was walking around, singing quietly to himself and you saw Jongin sleeping on the couch. It made your heart race a little, feeling like you were intruding a bit, even more so when Mark continued walking and stepped into Ten’s room to see he and Taemin kissing, Taemin’s arms around Ten’s waist before hearing Mark scream woah, woah, woah! before turning around and saying haha well, I, uh, wasn’t supposed to see that!

He stopped the video, turning to you and smiling. It felt like he’d definitely shown you something you didn’t need to see. You hoped it was with reason. “You know, I had no idea that they were gay. Or had a thing for each other. I knew nothing.” He shrugged, locking his phone and putting it down. “I’ve learned a lot about everyone since we got to America you know? I always thought I was like, really close with these people, but there’s always so much more to learn when you’re with the people you see every day. There’s always something new. Does that make sense?” He asked, turning to you and waiting for a response, you could only catch his eyes, blanking on his question when you saw his lashes flutter. You had to muster up some words.

“Yeah, I, I really do know what you mean.” You told him, knowing you had to keep the information secret. He trusted you and that was terrifying. Why did he? You felt like you could open up to him, swallowing and trying your best to continue a conversation. “My best friends, the ones you met?” You saw him nod, content on listening to what you had to say. Mark was a change of pace, that’s for sure. “I had no idea they were big partiers. I was always the one who avoided parties in school. College and all,” You continued, shrugging and snuggling in closer to his shoulder, looking back down at the table because it felt like looking at him was too much. He gently rubbed your side, comforting you. “They’re so different and as much as I love them, I feel like we’re just on so many different levels and they don’t really get me.”

“That makes sense.” He told you, nodding and taking a sip of his drink. He let you continue.

“I didn’t even know that Seulgi had lost her virginity even.” You scoffed, shaking your head and hearing Mark make an understanding noise. “But then she was at the party making out with guys I didn’t even know?” You sighed, slightly frustrated. “I feel like I don’t even know my friends anymore and it’s partially my fault, you know?”

“I actually do.” He laughed and you could feel his grin even without looking at him. “That’s how i felt when I saw Taemin and Ten. It felt like they were hiding something and I didn’t want them to feel that way. They told everyone like the next day, but it felt weird to have that hidden from us.” He explained further. It still felt weird that he was willing to show you that video, but you didn’t want to comment.

“I’m glad you understand.” You both shared a laugh, seeing the server quietly bring the check to your table. You pulled out your wallet and felt Mark pull out his faster. You snorted, seeing him move his hand to shove your wallet back down, but not fast enough before your card was out and on the table. Mark sighed, shaking his head.

“You know, I haven’t had anyone but my members or my parents buy me dinner?” He told you and you had to look at him, seeing the faint warmth on his cheeks. He made you feel like jell-o and you had no idea what took over you, but you turned to him, reaching up and placing one hand on his cheek to pull him down for a kiss, lips pressed plush against each other with a decent amount of pressure and feeling. You pulled away and avoided looking at him, staring back at the table.

“Well, now you can say someone treated you.” You spoke quieter than you wanted, nerves still unsettled in your stomach.

All you heard was a quiet “Thank you.” before you felt him squeeze your side again. Normally you weren’t one for affection, but Mark made it feel fine.

When your card came back to the table and your signature was down, you felt Mark let go of your waist and reach down for your left hand to tug you out of the restaurant, giggling as you made your way down the streets. He put his mask back on and you could still easily see the outline of his smile that never left his face.

“Hey, you know?” He started; voice muffled by the mask. You wished you could see his face, but knew it was dangerous territory for him to remove it. It was better for the both of you if nobody saw him or knew where he was, especially in a big city like Chicago. “You said you didn’t know your friends partied a lot right?” You narrowed your eyes, confused at his question.

“Yeah?”

“You know, if they hadn’t been partiers, then we never would’ve met.” He giggled, sounding like an excited schoolgirl talking to her crush. You couldn’t help but snort, rolling your eyes and you couldn’t believe he’d just said that to you.

“Mark Lee, you are a sap.” You laughed, shaking your head.

“Yeah, I get that a lot.” He laughed.

-

“So, when you google us, what comes up?” Mark asked, sitting cross-legged at the edge of his hotel bed that you were so gladly snuggled into the front of.

You’d spent what felt like minutes, but was actually hours, lying in bed with Mark in his hotel suite even when you had your own to return to. It seemed pointless to get your own room because you had a feeling that would happen. He called you over as soon as he woke up, pulling you from your slumber and dragging your sock covered feet to his room. You had put on some decent pyjamas and felt somewhat presentable, but when you saw Mark also wearing shorts and a plain jumper, you felt fine. It was chilly in the November air, but you shared a laugh about the both of you only ever being comfortable relaxing in shorts. The simple things with Mark were the sweetest.

“Let’s see.” You grinned, pulling out your phone and typing in SuperM into the google search. “Okay, so the Avengers of K-Pop,” You started and saw Mark snatch your phone out of your hand, laughing and shaking his head.

“No, oh my god, stop.” He laughed, embarrassed and shaking his head. He hated the idea of comparing themselves to the Avengers, it made him cringe in the worst way possible. It was fun to joke about, but hearing people say it made his eyes roll.

“Who are you, like Iron Man?” You joked; smirking at him and seeing him roll his eyes instead of just thinking about it.

“No indeed not.” He grinned widely. “But I’m glad you think so highly of me. Iron man would definitely be Taemin-hyung.”

“Mm,” You nodded, grinning again. You knew what he meant, you knew how capable and iconic Taemin was, but he didn’t have to know that. You liked boosting his ego. “Who would you be, then?” You smirked, a joke teasing at the tip of your tongue. “Absolutely fully capable Mark?” Your smirk grew stronger, seeing his mouth gape in surprise. It was fun to throw little tidbits out, they weren’t too suspicious. You knew the common jokes and used them to your advantage.

“You fucking know about that?” He asked with a sigh, rolling his eyes again and dramatically laying himself back on the bed. “You know, I can’t ever speak to you again.” He joked, covering his face with a pillow. “I was like 15! I couldn’t even spell capable!” You both snorted, crawling over to him. It was adorable to see him so embarrassed, feeling like you had the upper hand. Mark was cute when you were in control. You felt just a little bit powerful. “Okay, maybe I could spell capable.” You scooted over to him, laying your head right next to his and sighing contentedly.

“You know, that song is kind of a bop.” You giggled, watching him turn his head toward you with an embarrassed grin. It was his turn for silence, sighing contentedly as he looked in your eyes. “What?” you asked.

“I just like that you listened to my music.” He said quietly, sighing and dreamily looking into your eyes. You swallowed a bit nervously, but shook it off. You knew a lot more than he thought you did, but it didn’t seem to interfere. Maybe eventually you’d let him know how you felt about him and why. He was all you could ever imagine and more. You felt whole then, never wanting it to end. He leaned over and pecked your lips, giggling to himself before doing it once more, slightly longer, a little more pressure.

You blushed harshly. “I’d do anything for you.” You laughed with a serious hint in your voice, causing you both to snort out of the cheesiness of it, laughing loudly together on the bed when you heard the door open, looking up to see a fresh head of white hair, gasping slightly when you caught a glimpse of Baekhyun standing in the doorway. It was the closest you’d been to him and it took you by extreme surprise, but you had to act cool. You couldn’t be suspicious but you were mesmerized. You had to act like you were only meeting your friend’s friend, but your heart was beating sporadically in your chest.

“I don’t mean to interrupt, I am sorry.” You heard him laugh, sitting up yourself and scooting closer to Mark out of shyness. You hadn’t met him before, only seen him on stage and you felt more overwhelmed than you would’ve liked.

“Baek-hyung!” You heard Mark exclaim, introducing your name properly with one excited giggle and following with “This is who I’ve been hanging out with the last few days!”

“Ah, you’re the one he won’t stop talking about, huh?” Baekhyun teased and Mark pouted back in response. It felt good that he’d been talking about you. “Nice to finally meet you.” Something about him was off. You hoped he was alright, but you knew how celebrity life could be, especially with all the chaos that EXO had been through, but maybe he’d just been so busy all day he was tired. “He wasn’t at the noraebang but you saw him on stage, huh?” You hardly noticed the question.

“Hi,” You spoke softly, waving at Baekhyun and it almost didn’t feel weird. He felt like a normal person and you didn’t really expect that. You expected to be much more bashful, but Mark kept you at least a little bit grounded, and for that, you were thankful. “I like your hair!” You told him, feeling a little awkward that those were the first words you spoke to him, but he seemed to be more excited than worried. He giggled and shot you a quick and excited “thank you” before slipping into the bathroom.

You grinned, grabbing Mark by the shirt and pulling him in closer to you, pressing your lips harshly against his. You slipped your bottom lip between his and heard his breath catch a little, his arm traveling down to your waist, squeezing softly as you pulled him in even closer, feeling his lips part slightly. The rush of this being as far as the two of you had gotten in six days felt intense, like lightning was traveling between you and it almost hurt to pull away when you heard the bathroom door open again, both of you laying back to face the ceiling. You had to be more careful, grinning dreamily as you felt like you were seeing stars and you heard Baekhyun slip out of the room.

“Maybe we should, uh, do that more.” He spoke softly, reaching over to gently hold your hand once you were alone again.

“Buy me dinner first.” You teased, damn well knowing why he rolled his eyes at you. “You know, I think you’re more Captain Marvel.” You grinned wider, returning to your joke from earlier.

“And why is that?” He looked at you dreamily, waiting for explanation, but you were lost in his eyes. It took you a moment to gather your thoughts enough to form a coherent sentence and not seem like an obsessed idiot.

“Okay, so you’re a rapper right?” You asked, biting your lip in thought.

“Yeah?”

“And you’ve got a lot of lines, you’re carrying the group pretty well.” You tried to be vague. mustering up the right words. “You’re also passionate, obviously.” You earned a giggle from him. “And, I don’t know, you seem just a little bit cocky.” You joked, smirking and reaching out to touch his hair. He pouted, looking over at you and scooting just a bit closer.

“I’m cocky on stage, not gonna lie, but,” He sighed, shrugging his shoulders just a bit. “I’m not at all confident off stage.” he pouted just a little, awkwardly smiling. Hearing him talk himself down was a little bit of a sad moment, making your heart ache and before you met him, you didn’t really ever think about how human they all were. They had their own quirks and they were people before fame too, but from what you knew, Mark was so young getting into the company, maybe he didn’t have any interactive experiences to gain his confidence. It made you a little sad. “I get so nervous with people and I talk a lot, I’m always scared of conversations.” he sighed, smiling just slightly. “Except from when I’m with you.”

You snorted just a tad, giggling and playing with his hair a little more. “I think you still get nervous around me. You’re practically shaking in your boots right now.”

“God, I know I do.” Mark sighed in defeat. “I get really nervous around people who don’t know me. Like, don’t know what I do normally or anything like that.” It was the first time he had mentioned you not knowing who he was, especially so forwardly. You smiled nervously, nodding and not wanting to say anything else in fear of you reading him a little too hard.

It felt like hours had passed, snuggling into Mark’s side and making yourself comfortable on his chest. Something was ripping into your heart and you felt wrong, but it was too late to say anything, so you stayed quiet. Mark didn’t mind. He seemed to enjoy the silence. He ran his fingers through your hair and he made you feel more calm, but the guilt rained on your conscience. It felt wonderful to lay there with him, but you wondered how he would feel if he knew you were a fan. Would he like you less? Would he have pursued you in the first place if he knew? The answers were up in the air, but you felt like you knew the answers to both of those anyway. You knew how it probably would’ve felt if he knew. It would be so much less likely that you were in this position, but part of you wished you knew the true answer. His fingers felt good combing through your hair, that’s what mattered right then, nothing else.

You’d spent a couple hours lying in bed with Mark, at one point you napped together, getting taunted by both Lucas and Ten when you woke up, feeling Mark toss a pillow at them for you. “Come on guys, we’re trying to sleep!” Mark spoke groggily, pulling you out of your slumber to see Taemin and Ten on the other queen-sized bed, bright smiles and ready to further tease the two of you.

“Come on, get the fuck up! We’re going out!” Taemin got up and nudged the two of you, deciding to lay across the both of you and was being, oddly, the normal one. From what you knew about him at least, which happened to be more than you wished you did in that moment. Taemin made you feel fine, he actually made you the least nervous of all, but you couldn’t help but to think about the fact that it was because of him you ended up there in the first place. Maybe you knew that he was such an open person even as an idol. Taemin was different. He was weird and comfortable. You liked Taemin a lot, but you already expected to from your prior knowledge on him.

Taemin approached you in Walgreens to talk to you, completely comfortable. He told you he would come to your party. He invited Ten and Lucas to your party just so you had the chance to meet them. It made you think about how thankful you were for Taemin. Maybe he would be the relief if anything were to go wrong. He didn’t care who you were in Walgreens and that felt nice. Maybe he knew, maybe he could tell and didn’t care either way. Mark obviously didn’t know. He couldn’t, there no way he would’ve acted the way he did, you were sure. It was terrifying to think about if he did and knew you weren’t telling the full truth.

Sometimes it got to your brain, feeling like you wanted to start over with no memory, just learn about Mark, Ten, Taemin, Lucas, all of them authentically, but it hurt not knowing how they would feel if they did know. It plagued your mind as you went to your room to put on your clothes, excited to be invited out with the guys even if it scared you. It was the first time you’d gone out with them all outside of Walgreens and the concert. You kept thinking about what Mark said about wishing he could just be normal. You wished that vaguely again for him, wondering if you’d connect the same way if you’d met him differently. You were pulled from your thoughts by a knock on the door that made you jump.

You had a hotel room alone a few doors down, but you’d spent the entire day in their room just laying around with Mark and enjoying the intimacy. He felt good to be around. It was sweet, but you felt nervous standing there alone in the room because it was rare you were by yourself, even at home. The second knock made you even more nervous, anxiety running through your veins even if you knew someone was eventually going to come to find you to go out. You had a feeling you knew exactly who was at the door though. You finished your hair and put a cute hat on, making your way to answer. You were wearing your favorite crop top and a comfortable but fancy pair of leggings, it was your more casual ‘going out’ outfit, a decent contrast to the suits or outfits you normally wore going out for work parties or client meetings. You grinned when you opened the door, seeing Mark very nicely but casually dressed, smirk playing on his face as he stood there in all black with just a simple green velour jacket, the same one he wore on stage that night you saw him do his solo. It made your heart race. He looked just as hot as when you saw him on stage; the same feeling you got gnawing at your insides. Something was different than when you saw him just a few minutes ago.

“I’m here to pick up someone special.” He giggled playfully, stepping in and you had to take a breath because he looked gorgeous. It was him in your hotel room again, but this time you were alone, and it surprised you, but exciting all the same. He snaked his hands around your waist and pulled you in tight, pressing his lips to yours in a bold move considering it was Mark. You parted your lips slightly into the kiss, but something felt different, Mark felt more relaxed than he ever had with you before and it felt good.

Mark’s warm body pressed against yours and you almost worried that getting dressed was useless, but you had to push it to the back of your mind, snaking your hands up to cup his cheeks. There was something different in the kiss, like Mark was finding something in you that he had been searching years for. You couldn’t believe he seemed to want you so badly, even if it was just kissing. But when he bit gently on your lip and tugged, pulling a soft whine from your throat, you knew it was more. Something in you told you to stop him, but you ignored it, wanting to enjoy yourself because you wanted it just like he did. You hadn’t felt the passion since before your second restaurant opened and you missed the human touch like that so desperately. You didn’t ever have the time for hookups, but right then it felt like you had all the time in the world, kissing him was all you had time for, even if your other friends were probably ready to go.

“Aren’t they waiting on us?” You whispered, feeling his lips trail down your neck. It felt hot, breathy gasps coming out of your mouth and you felt your eyes roll back at the soft feeling of his tongue along your skin, little nips and kisses making you feel like the only two in the world. He ignored your question, backing you up until you felt your calves hit the foot of the bed. You gulped, feeling wrong for letting him indulge in you, but you couldn’t make yourself stop him. You wanted it just as bad as he seemed to. You felt his hands go lower, gently but nervously trailing down to your ass, soft touches making you feel delicate. You gasped a little, swallowing and moving his face to put his lips back to yours. “You sure about this?” You whispered against his lips, moaning softly into his mouth as he led you back to lay on the bed.

“Yeah,” He answered simply, smiling against your mouth again as he asked for entrance with his tongue, easily opening your mouth to accommodate. You couldn’t believe you hadn’t kissed him like that before, electricity passing through you with each stroke of your tongue against his. He felt so good, hands moving back up to push your shirt up. He giggled nervously, asking permission with his eyes and you easily nodded. “Are you alright with this?” He asked, eyes hooded and fiddling playfully with the hem as he pushed it gently up your skin, soft gasps as you tried to calm yourself down because fuck, it was really happening.

You vocalized your thoughts before you could think. “I can’t believe this is happening.” You whispered, feeling his mouth back on your neck the second he had your shirt off.

“Me either, I haven’t, um, had this in a long time.” He swallowed nervously, his vision going foggy when his eyes had purchase on your chest that he seemed too scared to touch. A blush tinted his cheeks further when you pulled his face to look at him instead.

“I hope it’s okay.” You whispered before you could stop yourself, your own face feeling hot as he kissed you harder, with more want than before. You felt so connected and you were too distracted to feel guilty, paying more attention to the fingers dancing on your thighs and between your legs, gasping when you felt him attempt to rub through your leggings. The pressure felt nice, sacred, like a god was touching you, but you wanted more, squeezing your legs around his hand and trying to get him to better focus on kissing you.

“More kissing please.” You whispered against his lips, his hand pulling away to soothe over your hips. You sighed, pressing your tongue boldly into his mouth and hearing him moan the quietest noise. You had him, but you made him nervous, you could tell. You were the older one and you knew that made him even more scared.

“I-I don’t know what to do.” He spoke nervously, catching your eyes and you could see just how flushed he was. His face had makeup on it that definitely needed to be touched up and it drove you crazy that it was because of you. “Can you, um, guide me, like, with what you like? I-“ You interrupted him by touching his hand, biting your lip with a soft smile.

You reached down to his hand to guide him, it felt like you were on autopilot again, slipping his hand under your waistband and your heart felt like it was going to burst any second. He slipped his own hand under the waistband of your underwear and your eyes found the ceiling, nervously hoping that it would be okay. Sex made you scared. You didn’t have the best experiences, but you prayed that Mark would be gentle. When his fingers glazed over your clit and gave you small soft circles, your prayers were answered, spreading your legs just a little more as you reached up to crash your lips together harshly, feeling his fingers drag down your slit and you didn’t even realize how wet you were, nerves making breathing even harder to remember how to do.

“Fuck,” you heard him whisper against your mouth, gently dipping his finger inside of you easily and making you gasp when he curled it inside. He scooted you back up to lean against the headboard, moaning softly when he slipped a second finger inside, your whimpers edging him on to keep curling them inside of you, quickly finding your g-spot and making your vision blur. “You’re so wet,” He spoke breathily, his arousal apparent against your leg when you nudged it against him.

Your leggings felt hot and you had to get them off, pulling your hands away from Mark to push them off rapidly along with your underwear, tossing them to the floor and leaving your lower half exposed as well. He didn’t stop his ministrations, cocky smile on his lips when you looked at him. You swallowed thickly, feeling like you were on a cloud as his fingers worked inside you, hips moving along with his hands. “You’re so, fuck,” he couldn’t even finish his sentence, lips attaching to yours again as you panted, grabbing at his wrist to get him to slow down. He didn’t seem too interested in that idea, only pushing you a little further. “I love doing this,” he told you, eyes catching yours and you had to take in a breath of air. It was too hot.

“I-I think I’m gonna come,” You warned quietly, feeling the heel of his palm move against your clit and the moan that came from you only pushed him further. He pulled his fingers from you, scooted down the bed and settled between your legs with a smirk. His mouth was on you immediately and you gasped loudly, his tongue playing games on your clit and when he pressed the flat of it against you, you arched your back, feeling an orgasm rush through you. “Fuck, Mark.” you whimpered. He grabbed your hands, tangling your fingers together as he rode you through your high and gave you soft kitten licks down your slit, giggling as he was proud of himself, you could tell. It took a moment to come back to reality, Mark laying at your side and gently playing with your fingers as you tried to come down.

Once you came to, you weren’t sure what came over you. You saw nerves come over his face and you couldn’t help but giggle, straddling his lap and placing a hand gently over his crotch and for a split second you felt bad for starting on your way to ruining such a wonderful outfit, but you weren’t bothered enough to stop. You kissed him for the millionth time, tongue fighting for dominance in his mouth and it felt better than you could’ve imagined. You felt him gasp into your mouth when you undid his belt and zipper, immediately tucking your hands into his jeans to wrap around his length.

You bit his lip and definitely felt like you were the only person presented with this opportunity. You gladly took it, stroking him and feeling his chest rise, eyes closed and continuing to messily kiss you, his hands grasping at your thighs and squeezing to ground himself. He didn’t speak, he was quieter than he had been since you met him. You sighed, loving the way he felt in your hand. You tugged gently on his lip with your teeth, pulling his arousal out of his boxers and he gasped lightly at the air hitting him. You wanted to look down and see exactly what you were in for but comforting him with kisses felt like a better idea.

He lasted a lot shorter than you expected, but you weren’t surprised, enjoying making him feel good enough to come so fast. You felt proud, his mess sticky on your thigh and you were quite impressed that he’d managed to avoid his clothes, which excited you because he looked perfect, all fucked out in the face and looking at you dreamily. You giggled, tucking him back into his pants.

You could tell he was perfectly content with not going any further. It didn’t quite feel right yet. You watched him get up on wobbly legs, giggling to himself all the way to the bathroom to grab you a towel. He blushed harshly when he saw you still sitting on the bed, naked with his come on your thigh. You blushed as well, giggle coming out of your mouth and you had to admit even just looking at him again made you feel good, so perfect and beautiful and someone you’d looked up to for a while. He sat next to you, damp towel in his hand while he giggled, easily cleaning your thigh off and trying his best to clean up the small mess on the bed sheets.

You had a thought, grinning to yourself. “Well, you’re definitely absolutely fully capable.” There was no way in hell you were going to stop yourself from making that joke, giggling harshly when you heard him groan.

“Well that’s good to know because it feels like I’ve only been imagining doing that shit for years.” You liked when he swore, you noted. He laughed, shaking his head and tracing his fingers along your hips and sides. You hadn’t gotten back dressed yet, spooning with your back against Mark and playing with his arm while he fiddled. You snorted, sighing contentedly. “But you really cannot make that joke after sex.” He teased, squeezing your waist lightly.

“Good thing we didn’t have sex then.” You smirked, looking back at him with a quirked eyebrow. “I’m one hundred percent willing to snatch your soul, then make a joke and have you hate me afterward.”

“Please, say less.” You heard him say nervously, nuzzling his face into your neck. You could tell he was spent, but it was also fun to play with him. “Maybe we can one day, though, hm?” He asked sleepily, peppering soft kisses under your ear.

“I mean, I’m game.” You bit your lip, not believing how bold your words were coming out. You definitely had the upper hand, but he did surprise you just a little sometimes.

“Yeah?” He whispered quietly, making you gasp when he placed a hand over your chest, gently thumbing over your nipple. You felt heat rush to your core again, closing your eyes and trying to push it away. “I’ve never wanted someone like I wanted you.” He spoke seriously, gravelly voice making you almost whimper from the effect it had on you. You whimpered just a little when you felt his teeth on your skin, not expecting him to bounce back so quickly. You reached up, unable to take it anymore as you grabbed his hand and put it between your legs again, guiding his fingers to rub against your clit. You breathed harshly, eyes screwing shut as he gave soft delicate strokes to the bundle of nerves. “You’re so good.” You loved the praise as much as you loved praising Mark. You felt like you were in heaven, eyes rolling to the back of your head until-

“Okay, okay, okay! Guys, we’re all ready!” Lucas’s booming voice was heard in the hallway, pulling you out of your daze and aching core for Mark. You heard ferocious bangs on the door, but Mark didn’t stop, only speeding up his fingers and making you gasp even harder. More bangs on the door finally stopped him and he pulled his hand away with a defeated groan, giving a light pat to your tummy with a kiss on the cheek. He yanked himself out of bed easily, grabbing your stray clothing items and tossing them your way with a shy smile. You ignored the arousal you had, it could wait.

“Get dressed, baby!” The pet name made your heart throb. He grinned, gently tossing your clothes toward you and when you sat up, he gave you a light peck on the lips, running quickly to the bathroom as he shouted “Just a minute!” at the door, multiple voices of laughter could be heard and you thought you could die from embarrassment. You pulled your shirt back on quickly, then followed with your leggings. Mark came back out, huge grin on his face and it made your heart melt.

“God, you’re cute.” You told him, seeing his eyes glance down at the slick between your legs as you pulled your underwear and leggings on. You felt your cheeks heat up and felt so good in that moment. He wanted you and you were glad to let him have you. Eventually at least.

“I mean, I try.” He giggled bashfully, bouncing on his toes excitedly as he watched you pick your hat up from the ground, not even realizing it had been tossed off. You laughed a bit, feeling like a little kid in a candy shop. Mark was all the candy you needed. You heard more banging on the door, hardly paying any attention to it.

“Hurry up, lovebirds!” You heard Ten’s singsong voice and sounds you knew as Taemin’s laugher through the door. It was oddly calming and made you feel even better. It felt like you were in a high, the world surrounding you felt so surreal. You bit your lip, looking over at a starry-eyed Mark. He looked so proud, like he’d just won a medal. You had to say something.

“Also, I have to point out, you’re also really good at like, everything you did.” You had to remind him, seeing him flush made you feel good, giggling to yourself as he readjusted his pants and made sure he looked okay in the hotel mirror. The room was much less nice than the last one you stayed in, but Mark didn’t seem to mind and that felt good too. Before you fixed your makeup, you kissed him firmly on the lips, seeing his eyebrow quirk up.

“I’m gonna get the door.” He whispered between your kiss and one he pressed to your hand that he brought up to his face. It felt more intimate and loving than it should have, but you played it off as just him being sweet. You smoothed out your foundation and reapplied your lip balm, feeling satisfied with how you looked when everyone walked in.

“Well, someone looks nice!” Ten told you, giggling and stepping to where the mirror was in your room. “Actually, it’s me.” He laughed, grinning widely. “So, are you guys ready?” He asked, making you and Mark look at each other, dumb dopey smiles played on your faces.

“Yeah, I, uh, think so.” Mark giggled and reached over to gently grab your hand in his. “Ready?”

You nodded, sighing contentedly when all three of the boys complimented you. They had a habit of doing that. It was innocent, but sweet, nonetheless. They made you feel important. Nothing like compliments from famous boys, they made you feel more validated than anyone. It shouldn’t have been that way, but a boost to your self-esteem was never the worst thing ever.

“You know? Ive been hanging out with you guys for what? Five days?” You asked, sighing contently as they each laughed softly.

“I mean I guess you’re the eighth member of SuperM now.” Ten joked, causing the four of them to erupt in laughter and you felt good, squeezing Mark’s hand as you made your way down the hallway.

“Hm, I guess so. I can’t sing, dance, write, or anything, but I guess I can make jokes.” You laughed again, making Lucas cackle loudly in the hallway. It made you smile, it felt like you were in a daze. You felt like a part of them, you felt like you belonged there with them and that was rare for you to feel, even with close friends sometimes you didn’t quite fit just right, but these boys never made you feel alone and you loved it. Part of you wished you’d spent more time with Baekhyun or Jongin or Taeyong, but you were still perfectly content with the four you knew. They made you feel so close so fast, like you’d found a new group of friends you could relate to. They felt so judgement free when you knew they were the center of harsh judgement back in Korea. It was sweet.

They took you bowling. They put you on a team with Lucas and Ten while Mark and Taemin were on the other team, ready to destroy the three of you. “We’ll take it easy on you, princess.” Taemin teased you, making you roll your eyes and look over at Ten, who easily scoffed at his boyfriend.

“You never win anything, and Mark has no coordination.” Ten snapped back, shrugging and picking his ball. He was coming with clapbacks easily against the eldest of your group. “At least between the two of us, there’s like 4 braincells. The two of you share one.” Ten was giggling to himself, laughing harder when Lucas made a disappointed face.

“What do you mean the two of us?” Lucas pouted, trying to be cute to get on Ten’s good side. The latter snorted.

“Not you, baby. You’re… on another level.” Ten grinned, making Lucas laugh back in response.

“God, you guys are mean to each other!” You spoke playfully, choosing your own ball to put into the game. “My friends always tell each other we love each other and then call one another a bitch when we’re away.” You laughed along, seeing Lucas shrug in your direction.

“Kun-ge says I have no braincells too, its normal.” Lucas told you, nudging your arm. For a second you forgot that the other members existed, smiling when he mentioned another member. It made you happy to hear that they so gladly talked about and to each other freely. You were glad they were close even when they weren’t together. “What are you smiling about?” Lucas interrupted your thoughts, nudging your side. You couldn’t exactly tell him what was on your brain.

“Just,” you started, sighing happily. “I love hanging out with you guys, you’re all so fun.” You giggled, glancing over at Mark who looked so happy to just be here. It felt good to see him enjoying himself.

“Ah, is that what it is?” Lucas asked, leaning against the table you were sitting at. You felt it move slightly and it almost scared you how big he suddenly seemed. A gentle giant. Lucas was much sweeter than you expected him to be. He pulled you from your thoughts again, sweet but low voice cutting through your brain. “You like Mark?” He asked, nudging you and giving you the most playful smile.

You sighed, feeling a blush creep across your cheeks, feeling yourself get weak the second you heard his voice. He didn’t feel real. Maybe this was just some really good dream you didn’t know how to wake up from. “Yeah, I think I do.” You saw Lucas smile, nodding and gently placing a hand on your shoulder to comfort you. From what? You weren’t sure. You were positive he was just being nice, but it was comforting, nonetheless. “It’s so crazy to think we’ve only hung out for a few days, but it feels like a lifetime.” You sighed, feeling your cheeks warm even more as you looked over at Mark, who was currently warming up and pretending to throw the ball with Taemin. You vaguely remembered how Chanyeol and Jaehyun had gone bowling in the idol Olympics previously, and a giggle came from your mouth, smiling at the similarities and almost a little surprised at the fact that they all seemed so competitive. It was enjoyable to see Ten teasing the other boys, attempting to tear down their egos all while Taemin looked amused, quirking an eyebrow up at his boyfriend who seemed unaffected. You watched Ten stomp over to you, grin wide on his face, but you could tell he was ready to stomp Taemin and Mark into the ground. You knew he loved winning.

“Come on, it’s go time.” Ten told you, gesturing that it was your turn to first throw the ball. “Make it count, babe.” Ten giggled, nudging you forward. You looked back at Mark who was cheering you on, getting a small smack on the shoulder from Taemin who told him he can’t cheer for the competition. Mark easily chose to ignore him, shouting readily at you as you attempted to get into position and ready to start the game off well. You were the first to go, so it was a lot of pressure.

“You got this! Lets get it!” Mark made you laugh loudly, shaking your head and grinning as you tried to focus. You set your arms up and quickly tossed the ball, biting your lip and hoping for the best. You heard him shout out a “whoop, whoop!” before you even saw the pins, looking up and gasping when you saw you’d knocked 9 pins down, only leaving one for the option of the strike. You had to do it, positioning yourself again and tossing the ball once more, biting your lip as the ball actually made the perfect path toward the pin, making everyone start cheering for you. It felt good.

You scored a strike, causing Ten to walk up to you and dramatically kiss you on the cheek, his proud mother energy jumping out and making you snort again. “God, I love you!” Ten said, patting your back playfully and fully ready to see Taemin strike out. Ten was all for them losing, it excited him.

“Hey, that’s Mark’s job!” Lucas loud-capped his friend, giggling when he saw Mark covering his eyes with his hands. He couldn’t believe that Lucas has just said that out loud, but you didn’t mind. It made you feel good. Everything the boys did made you feel good, you wondered again what you did to deserve being with them, it was a thought that plagued your mind constantly and the fact that everything moved so fast made you worry that it was just an extreme fever dream and you’d wake up in your bed in an actual reality. Taemin and Ten were cracking up laughing at him, but you saw Mark red faced and smiling shyly when you looked over at him.

“I’m so sorry for his outbursts.” You laughed harder, walking over to him and feeling him slip his arm around your waist.

“He’s really funny, give him credit.” You teased, seeing Mark shake his head and relax into you. “I think collectively you all have 4 braincells, two of them belong to ten, one and a half belong to you, one half is with Taemin.” You snorted, hearing Mark burst into laughter.

“Hey, now, no fraternizing with the enemy.” Lucas pouted jokingly, crossing his arms as Ten and Taemin both threw their balls at the same time, obvious competition between the two of them. You loved their relationship dynamic; it was nice to see them together. They both ended up making bad scores, Taemin only hitting two pins total in both throws and Ten ending up with only three pins and a gutter. You and Mark both sighed together, shaking your heads and laughing at the chaos unfolding in front of you, Mark’s hand still around your waist.

“Your turn.” Taemin said through laughter, nudging Mark’s arm and laughing at himself.

“Gotta go now, my forbidden love.” Mark joked, pecking you lightly on the lips and you felt like it was almost too sweet, uncomfortably sweet.

“God, no don’t say that.” You told him, hearing his laughter as he walked over. “I’ll never be forbidden.” He was incredibly cute, almost too cute. You felt a little conflicted. You were weird with public displays of affection, feeling slightly awkward that he was so willing to be sweet and cheesy in front of his friends, but you tried to push it off and act normal. That was your first fear with Mark. It made you feel horrible because he was genuinely so nice. You swallowed a bit, hoping he wouldn’t get too soft and sweet with each other that often. It wasn’t who you were, and it made you feel weird, but you tried your hardest to push it to the back of your mind. You watched him throw the ball and end up with seven pins, giving his team 9 in total, so you were still very much in the lead after Lucas took a gutter.

“He’s not brawn or brains.” Ten explained to you, making you snort and sit back down on your side of the lanes, facing directly across from Mark, who was fidgeting in his chair like a child as he watched Taemin take his turn.

“That’s okay, he’s funny and that’s what matters.” You heard Ten and Lucas both laugh at your joke. “The muscles are purely for comedic affect right?” You grinned, hearing Ten snort loudly and Lucas’s pout was soft. “They seem a little pointless.”

“See, at least someone thinks I’m funny!” Lucas patted you on the back and you felt soft, happy at how close you felt like you were getting. It felt nice to find someone who didn’t care or know about your mild fame, just playing a simple game of bowling after hours. Your fame was selective, yes, but you still had a name around the places you’d opened restaurants. You got crowded by fans, even if it wasn’t nearly as bad as it was for the boys you were with, but you felt like you could really relate to them; just sitting around and enjoying the game with people who didn’t see you as an object or liked you for your money or to make themselves feel important and you slightly worried that you had only seen them as objects before. You felt like you saw them in a different light than normal, maybe hanging out with them was what you needed to not feel like an obsessive fan. To see them as people similar to your level was a gift more than any.

You couldn’t believe idols made you feel normal than people you grew up with, sitting and enjoying yourself felt foreign, in disbelief that work wasn’t a problem.

Until the phone call.

You had to leave, kicking off your shoes quickly and making your way to a quieter common area with one shoe in hand as you tried to focus on the words through your phone. You broke down into soft sobs when you were gently told that one of your workers was tragically killed in a car accident. You were needed back home.

You tried to keep up the mood, but everyone could tell something was wrong. Mark made his way over to you, grabbing your hand and gently pulling you to a more secluded place. “Baby, what’s wrong?” He asked, cupping your cheeks and even though it felt weird to be touched in public like that, you allowed it, letting tears gently fall from your face and trying to be quiet in order not to cause a scene.

“One of my managers.. My.. friend.. Just got into an accident.” You told him through sniffles, reaching up to dab your tears away. “She-she’s dead. I’m sorry, I- I need to go outside.” You swallowed, trying to calm down just a little.

“Baby,” He sighed softly, pulling you into a hug.

“Yeah?” You sniffled again, letting his arms embrace you as you kept your own arms by your sides. You didn’t have the strength to wrap your own arms around him, sitting in defeat and feeling like it was all your fault. Someone died and it felt like it was your fault. It was a feeling that was nagging at you.

“You’ve got one shoe on.” He told you, making you slightly laugh, another tear falling from your eyes. “Where’s your shoe?” He asked, pouting as he pulled away to cup your cheeks again. It felt weirdly relaxing to be treated so tenderly. You felt a little off and a joke was nagging at your insides in the most awkward of moments.

“The bowling alley needed a sacrifice. I gave it my left shoe.” You joked, wiping your tears again when you felt Mark laugh, shaking his head and placing a small kiss to your forehead.

“Give me a second.” He grinned, stepping away from you only to return with your shoe and jacket in hand. “Let’s get you home okay?” You could tell he was a little disappointed, walking you outside to wait as the boys got ready to leave. They didn’t at all mind leaving so you could be more comfortable, and you thought that was sweet of them. They reminded you they had plenty of time to do other things and bowl some more in the future. They even hoped you’d join them again. It oddly felt good that they were wanting to continue including you, even if you ruined their night. You hoped you didn’t, but it was hard to feel that way.

You spent nearly the whole night crying in your hotel room, sobbing into Mark’s chest and trying to come to terms with the fact that not only had you lost one of your workers, but your friend who had been with you from the beginning of your restaurant experience. Hannah was the general manager of both uptown stores in Los Angeles and on the way home that night, a drunk driver had fatally crashed into her car. You were torn on what to be more upset about: having to find someone to tragically take her place; an ache that felt heavy in your chest, or being upset that you had to leave Mark to handle the situation. It felt unreal and you felt selfish. You’d forgotten about your work for days and you had stretched it too far. It felt like it was your fault. She was working later hours because she wanted you to have a good time, so it felt wrong to even still be gone. You couldn’t believe it.

“Mark, I have to go home.” You sniffled, grabbing a hold of his t-shirt as he ran his fingers through your hair, trying to comfort you as best as he could. You could tell he didn’t know how to handle the situation, but he was trying his best and he made you feel better.

“It’s okay, it really is.” He reminded you, kissing the top of your head over and over again. He hardly knew you on a level to assist and treat you like he was. He was so kind, and you didn’t understand why. You didn’t feel like you deserved it. You’d been lying about what you knew this whole time and the guilt was getting to you in the moment. Before, it was just a passing thought when he mentioned fans and how he was treated, but it was nagging at you. You hoped it wouldn’t come down on you. Maybe it was because you were blaming yourself for someone dying and it was cruel karma coming to haunt you. You stayed silent, trying to relax in Mark’s arms. “You could come visit us before we go home.” He said quietly and you swallowed, forgetting that he did in fact live in another country. That was eating you alive too and if it were to ever go any further with Mark, you’d have to settle for a long-distance relationship and it didn’t seem realistic. It was nagging at your soul and you didn’t know how to say it, so you tried your best to stay calm in the crisis of your brain.

“I’ve had a really good time with you.” You felt like it was moving too fast. You knew it was moving too fast, but you didn’t care. Time was different when it was with Mark, your head was spinning and you felt a few tears well up in your eyes and hoped Mark would pass them off as being upset about what you should’ve been more upset about, which was your friend. You should’ve been less selfish, but you couldn’t help it. It all came crashing down at once and you couldn’t stop it.

You looked over at the boy you were snuggled up in bed with and felt like your whole world was lying down in bed with you, soft eyes met his and he didn’t hesitate to kiss you, a gentle press of lips trying to tell you that it would all be okay, but you knew better. You kissed him back harder, not wanting to let go and you pulled him closer by his cheek, his arms wrapping around your figure and holding you like you were precious to him. You felt needed in that moment. Maybe Mark needed you like you needed him. He was a new experience. You sighed into his kiss, feeling him trace soft circles into the small of your back. He moved his lips and kissed across your face, kissing all the tears and part of your worry away. You needed him and that scared you.

You were pulled out of your head with a knock on the door and in a second it was open, Ten quickly explaining that Mark had left your extra keycard in their room and they wanted to check on you because it had been hours since they heard from you. Mark pulled his face away from yours but still had you in his embrace as Ten and Taemin entered the room and sat at the edge of the bed, both comforting you by laying their hands on your legs through the blanket. It felt weird being around them in your pyjamas and not at all dressed up, but you didn’t care much.

More knocks were on the door and Ten made his way to the door to allow a few faces you hardly saw with Lucas enter the room. You laid eyes on Taeyong and Jongin for the first time outside of the concert and dinner and it felt almost unreal for them to come in, but they entered with soft and tender bare faces and were there to comfort you as well. You felt better, Taeyong coming over to rub your shoulder.

Jongin offered a small smile, waving and coming to give you a small hug from your bed.

“Hi, I’m Taeyong, nice to meet you again.” He introduced himself, but he didn’t need to. His soft voice was even more gentle in person, handing you a few napkins and a bag full of snacks. You saw a white-headed boy slip in the door. “and Baekhyun-hyung.” Baekhyun waved at you, the pair individually coming to give you soft hugs and comfort you in your time of need. It felt odd that they were the ones hugging you, you felt like the more famous one now, them taking their time out of scheduling to comfort you and give you their time. “Sorry we haven’t been around much; we’ve been a little busy.” Taeyong shrugged shyly, rubbing your shoulder before retracting to his friends. You could feel Mark relax a little bit.

“We didn’t get a chance to explain last time, but Taeyong is in NCT with me, Baekhyun and Jongin are in EXO.” Mark told you, making you grin because it was adorable that he thought in all the research you had him convinced you did, he still felt the need to explain. It made your heart warm. “We’re all in the same company and they wanted to make SuperM with all of us in it.” You nodded sweetly.

“It’s really, I mean seriously, really nice to meet you all. You didn’t have to do all this, honestly.”

“It’s no problem, seriously,” Ten reminded you, squeezing your leg in promise. “We thought you needed some company. We all wanted to say our goodbyes.”

“Well hopefully it won’t be the last time I see you guys, right?” You only got mild shrugs and that worried you, but it was something you’d return to later. You didn’t want to overthink anything right then, it was too hard.

“We thought we should throw you a little going away party, get your mind off things, yeah?” Baekhyun said sweetly, handing you a cheap but sweet bouquet of flowers and you had to giggle, pulling yourself out of Mark’s grip to see his smile. He looked just as happy as you, feeling like people he cared about were all in the same room, like it was a huge important moment in his life. It was only a brief meeting with him, but you were happy. You saw Baekhyun, Jongin, and Taeyong sit on the other bed, setting out a few RedBox movies. The most American thing they could do, so it was amusing, but still meant the world. You giggled at their selection of horror films and sweet romance movies. There were about four DVDs and you couldn’t care less about what they were. They were there to spend time with you and that’s what mattered.

“We brought, um, movies!” Jongin said shyly, kicking off his shoes and sitting cross-legged on the bed. Lucas pulled out his laptop from his bag and went over to set it on the TV stand to plug into the television monitor.

“We couldn’t say goodbye just like that!” Lucas reminded you, making you giggle. “We thought you might need some extra company!” He was right, you did. You felt even more important in that moment, laying contently with Mark

You were sitting in a hotel room with the people you’ve looked up to for years, you should’ve been the happiest person in the world, but the situation was nagging at you and it didn’t feel right. You tried to push it off as Lucas picked watching Paranormal Activity, excitedly popping popcorn in the hotel microwave as he danced his way around the suite. He had a habit of making everyone laugh, he was good comedic relief. “I told you guys he was funny.” You reminded, snuggling your head into Mark’s neck as the credits played and Lucas continued to make a scene. It was entertaining to say the least.

“He’s annoying is what he is.” Ten spoke playfully, causing everyone in the room to erupt into laughter, making Lucas pout dramatically, coming over to lay on top of Ten and Taemin both. You loved their chemistry, it made you so happy to see them enjoying themselves.

“You’re not annoying to me.” You told Lucas and everyone else was laughing again. “I count, right?”

“I like you, you’re nice.” Lucas grinned, immediately jumping up when the microwave beeped and running full force over to it to grab the bags. He made two for each bed, equally handing them out.

“At least someone can entertain him.” Baekhyun played along, grinning and taking a sip from his drink. “No, it’s all jokes. We love you, Xuxi.” Lucas giggled again and moved himself to the opposite bed with the other members.

“Sometimes.” Taeyong added. You felt like a part of the family, feeling Mark play with your hair as he relaxed. The room went dark from Jongin turning the lights off. It felt calming and your worries were pushed to the back of your head.

“God, I love horror movies.” Taemin added once the title menu came on, bouncing excitedly as he ate from one bag of popcorn for he and Ten. Ten continued to gently rub your leg through the blanket and relaxed at the edge of your bed with his boyfriend. You’d learned so much about them and you didn’t want it to stop. It scared you that this would all be a distant memory, but you pushed it off as best as you could, just to reminisce in the moment for just a while longer.

The movie played as everyone remained silent. You were sure they didn’t know how to comfort you or offer support, so the silence was sweet. It was about halfway over when you felt Mark snuggle even closer to you, not minding PDA for once in your life. You smiled tiredly, trying to hold onto your last moments with him because you hadn’t even decided when you were leaving yet. You knew you’d have to leave as soon as possible, but since they were in town for a few days, maybe you’d have a little more time tomorrow. Mark pulled you from your thoughts with a quiet whisper. “I’m gonna miss you.” You felt tears well up in your eyes, silently sniffling and trying to keep yourself calm, but it was a tipping point and you weren’t sure how to come back from it.

You looked at him, teary eyed. “I’m gonna miss you too.” You whispered, choking up as you spoke. Ten must’ve heard it, because he squeezed your leg comfortingly with soft strokes, nuzzling his head into your leg and you saw him grab Taemin’s hand. You loved their relationship and your whole world had changed in a matter of a few days. It felt unreal. You were tired, but you didn’t want the night to end. It was the most you’d felt important in a long time to people who weren’t only after you for fame, money, or investments. You felt like you had new friends that had nothing to do with business and that was pure bliss. You didn’t even realize when you’d fallen asleep.

-

You woke up the next morning still tangled in Mark’s arms in an otherwise empty room and it was about the best you’d slept in years. The sweetness of seeing his face close to yours first thing in the morning was incomparable. You brushed his hair out of his face and thumbed over his cheek with your body in his sleeping arms. You sighed sleepily, nuzzling your face back into his neck comfortably and you felt him shift awake, not saying anything even if he was conscious. You laid there for a moment, just staying in his embrace was more than you could ever ask for, but the thought of having to leave was nagging in your brain. It felt wrong. Seven days now. Seven days ago you met this precious boy that felt like he had changed your life.

Seven days ago you made him sleep on a hotel bathroom floor with you and you just woke up in his arms. Seven days ago he was Mark from NCT and today he was a possible love interest. You couldn’t help but feel at least a little excited. You hadn’t forgotten about the fact that you had to leave or why, but it felt different to have people you loved so specially comforting you. You felt like you didn’t deserve it, but you weren’t questioning it anymore. You had to live in the moment.

“Good morning.” Mark spoke groggily, sighing into your neck and placing a kiss under your ear that felt way too intimate to be real. He continued kissing your neck lazily, innocent pecks that felt like electricity on your skin. He always made you feel like his touches were charged, lighting your skin up and sighing into his affection.

“Good morning.” You spoke softly, closing your eyes and letting his lips smooth over your raised skin. He left goosebumps in his trace, soft noises as you pressed your body closer to his. You loved his warmth, feeling the blankets shift over the both of you and you knew you would miss his touch, his fingertips tracing underneath your shirt, tickling your skin but it felt good. He felt good, amazing even. You felt selfish, keeping him in bed when he should be getting ready for the concert. You still had to buy your plane ticket home, but for now you were trying to push those thoughts away, relax into the boy who felt like he’d give you the world.

You felt Mark suck lightly on your neck, surprised and jumping slightly at the action, but his tongue felt good as it soothed the bruise he was trying to make. It was too early to push him away and you didn’t want to, basking in the glory of him wanting your touch, just to be close to you. “What are you doing?” You playfully asked, giggling as he pulled his face away with a dopey smile.

“Um, I think I’m, uh, kissing you?” He said softly, his cheeks bright red as he tried to be confident, but it wasn’t exactly his forte. You didn’t mind, pressing a soft kiss to his lips and trying not to get too intimate, not sure exactly what his actions were inciting, but kissing in the morning felt so different, lips gently pressing over and over again against each other until you tried to part your lips, feeling him pull away suddenly. “Wait, I-I haven’t brushed my teeth.” He made you giggle, shaking your head and sighing at him.

“Go brush your teeth then.”

“Brush them with me.” He said sweetly, voice bathed in childish wonder, grinning at you. You rolled your eyes, pulling yourself out of his grip and slinking out of the bed and over to the sink where you pulled out the toothbrush he’d used before and pulling out your own. You had a weird feeling it would happen again and even though keeping the toothbrush he used felt odd, you hadn’t even thought much about it, but you thanked yourself for doing it. It was the most tender and innocent thing you could do, standing there together in the mirror and brushing your teeth. It felt right. It felt like you were a couple living their married life. You could only dream.

You wanted to bask in it; seeing him step closer to lay his free arm across the small of your back. He stood there for a second while both of you brushed thoroughly, smiling at yourself in the mirror. You felt his hand slide lower, gentle hand giving a soft squeeze to your ass when you saw his eyebrow quirk up. You could tell he was trying to not act nervous, but when you saw the blush on his cheeks and the slight raised outline in his boxers, you felt your stomach get tight. You smiled, reaching your own hand over to slide your palm over it, hearing him choke just slightly at the sudden feeling, looking at you with sweet, needy eyes. You gently massaged over his arousal, grinning before pulling away to finish and rinse your mouth out. Mark followed, shyly cleaning himself up. He looked shyly at you, apples of his cheeks bright red and he was clearly feeling embarrassed.

It was silent, but it was a happy silence, reaching over to grab his hand and tug him back to the bed, immediately pulling the covers over the both of you as you tangled your legs together. You heard him clear his throat, feeling his arousal on your thigh but choosing to ignore it for the time being. You could tell he was embarrassed about it, biting his lip and grazing his eyes over your face.

“What are you waiting on?” You asked, smiling and slightly biting your lip as well.

“I’m just.. looking at you. Um, you’re, um, really beautiful, okay?” You felt your heart pound, reaching up to grab his cheeks and pull his face to you, giving him a hard, open-mouthed kiss, his tongue easily sliding into your mouth and causing you to let out a soft moan into his. He kept his lower half still, just wanting to keep it at kissing because you could tell he was scared, reaching his hand to run through your hair and rest at the nape of your neck to pull you impossibly closer, fading away into the feeling that was Mark kissing you. You wondered how you’d gotten so hooked so quickly, but you shoved the thoughts away, reaching down to move his hand to your waist.

“Kiss my neck.” You whispered against his mouth, feeling his head move and the delicious feeling of his lips on your skin. You felt like you were weightless, giving into his touches as his fingers lightly danced under the hem of your shirt, tracing soft circles into your flesh. He was so gentle, sucking so tenderly on your neck. You could tell he wanted to relish in the moment, not moving further than your neck. You kind of enjoyed that he was so nervous, taking his time with you and making you feel so wanted.

“I-I’m so nervous.” He admitted, pressing another soft peck to your cheek and you felt your heart grow three times in size, wanting to protect and make him feel better. You knew how nerve-wracking this could be for him. It was scary to think that he might be terrified, but you picked his face up and placed another soft kiss on his lips.

“Then.. How about.. Just kissing for now, okay?” You told him and he nodded, hoping it would ease his nerves. “Until you feel more comfortable, yeah?” Mark was so nervous. You stayed like that for a while, his tongue exploring your mouth like it was a new planet, soft kitten flicks against your own. It felt good. Kissing Mark felt better than anyone else you’d kissed by a landslide and your body felt like Jell-O, melting into his arms and easily pulling him on top of you. Mark pulled away for a second and swallowed, giving you a shy smile before laying his head on your chest. It was a moment of intimacy you hadn’t yet shared, and it felt so new. You ran your fingers through his head of black hair, enjoying the feeling of his soft strands through your digits. You heard him sigh happily, nuzzling into the soft fabric of your t-shirt.

“You make me feel.. so happy.” Mark spoke, but his voice sounded defeated, making your chest ache in guilt. You wished you hadn’t made him feel so vulnerable, just as he made you feel. it felt wrong. You felt your eyes well up slightly with tears and you couldn’t help it. You felt like you’d fallen for this boy in just a few days and it was insane but being here with him was enough to ground you a little in an attempt to lengthen the time you had with him. It wouldn’t last forever, and you knew that. It was so soon into everything, but you felt like you were willing to risk it all for him.

“You make me feel happy too.” You told him, kissing the top of his forehead before he picked up his head and returned to your lips, hovering over your body in an attempt to get closer. You felt his arousal against your thigh and giggled, feeling him shift awkwardly.

“Sorry, it, it just happens sometimes.” You giggled at his explanation but cut him off with more kisses, continuing to lay in your bliss with him. You could tell he was embarrassed, but you had to assure him that it was fine. “Morning and all,” He lied through his teeth, giggling awkwardly.

“I don’t mind it, really.” You laid back down comfortably, sighing. You laid like that for a moment, running your fingers through his hair as you continued to make out. It was only a few minutes before he regained his confidence, slipping his tongue back into your mouth and crawling to hover over you. It only took a minute and it boosted your confidence to know that he wanted you so badly, but you didn’t mind his hesitation. “I kind of like it.” You swear you felt him shudder against you.

“I, uh, think I’m okay now.” He laughed, grinning and there was a hint of danger in his eyes. You tested the waters, slipping your thigh between his legs and heard him moan softly, letting him gently grind down against your clothes. It was a cute sight, seeing him so needy. You almost felt desperate, loving the way he made you feel. Someone having so much attraction to you so suddenly. It was moving way too fast, but the rush was like no other with Mark. You felt like your time was running out, reaching down to grab his hand and place it directly over your chest under the fabric, feeling his hand shake in yours as you guided him to massage the supple flesh, groaning into his mouth at the heated touches, soft thumb massaging over your nipple. He moved his other hand to go under your shirt as well, making you gasp and arch into his touch. You felt yourself getting wet and adrenaline was pumping through your veins. Your body was hot, feeling Mark’s lips travel down your neck, softly kissing your skin and not leaving marks. It didn’t feel appropriate.

He lifted your shirt and pulled your upper clothing over your head, putting his lips back to yours when you were only in bottoms. He loved the touch, skin to skin contact was his go-to.

He made you nervous, shaking hands stilling as he tried to gain his resolve and his kisses were slower. You put your hands over his and urged him to go further and that was all he needed, gently toying with your nipples and gaining another moan against his lips. “Mark?” You started, breathing heavy as you sat there, topless and vulnerable. “Do you want to have sex with me?” You heard him swallow, both opening your eyes slightly to look at each other through hooded eyelids.

“Yeah,” He nodded softly, kissing under your ear with the softest lips. “I would like that, yeah.” You grinned at his nervousness, reaching down to softly cup the bulge in his boxers. Your heart was racing, hearing his soft moans against your lips. “Only, if, um, If you, um, want to..” Your giggle was all he needed, grinding softly into your hand before moving his own to remove your bottoms and underwear, an awkward attempt to do for him. You could feel how shaky he was, but once his fingers were on you, slickness coating his digits. You could hear him gasp, slightly embarrassed that he was touching you. “God, you’re so wet, fuck.” You were reminded how much you loved when he swore. It felt so foreign, so not used to hearing idols curse like he did. You loved it, trying to pull his length out of his boxers with your own fumbling hands when he toyed at your clit, following exactly how you’d shown him to do.

“Please fuck me.” It slipped out of your mouth faster than you could stop it and you heard him audibly groan, his brain short circuiting as he tried to make you feel good. His fingers moved down to slip one inside of you, easily moving it and making you moan as he curled it forward, teasing you from not being quite enough. Either he was a natural, or he’d gotten really good practice, but when you felt him slide another in next to it and continuing, you were gasping for air. He smirked devilishly and that was almost the first time he felt confident enough to feel like he had the upper hand. He used his free hand to fully free himself from his boxers and easily sliding off his shirt one-handed. It was kind of impressive and extremely hot that he was able to do so while still making you feel fucking amazing.

You got a glance at his mostly naked body for the first time and it felt like heaven in the daylight of the window, your mouth nearly watering. He moved back to hover over you, giggling against your mouth again when you pulled him in for a harsh kiss. You reached down to pump his arousal a few times and you were only slightly nervous, feeling like he was possibly the most perfect size for you. He felt good in your hand and it was rare that you’d thought that before. He removed his fingers and you felt empty, but ready for him. You retracted your fingers and laid your arms beside you, ready as you spread your legs further for him to slide between. He lined himself up with your entrance and your heart was racing a million miles a minute. When he entered, you felt your eyes roll to the back of your head and you were right. He was perfect, kissing you hard for a period of adjustment. You were wet enough that you didn’t need it, but it was nice to know he was so considerate, waiting just a moment before he pulled out slightly, snapping his hips back into you as he lifted your legs to wrap around his waist. He felt like a god, his warm body against yours and rocking his hips in perfect rhythm with yours, each thrust earning a light gasp. You reached your hands up to pull his face down to kiss you again.

“Fuck, you’re good.” You told him, edging him on and feeling his hands grip your waist firmly, passionate thrusts picked up slight rhythm and rocking his hips into you. It was hard not to ask him to fuck you into the mattress, but this was great for now. It was already about the best sex you’d ever had, and you’d be sure to mention it to him.

“God, you’re perfect.” He was sure to remind you through noises of his own, lifting your hips up to hit an even better angle and you thought you were seeing stars. You had to laugh when he struggled to kick the covers off of the bed but were pulled back in with a particularly intense thrust.

“Fuck, oh fuck.” You moaned, edging him on to keep going. You slipped your hand between the two of you to rub quickly at your clit and that took Mark by surprise, blinking and glancing down with a loud groan.

“You’re going to kill me, you know that?” You could tell he still had some innocence due to his surprise, snapping his hips harder into you and making sure to hit the angle you were most vocal about. You threw your head back into the pillow, gasping and you’d never felt like you were going to come so fast before in your life. You moaned louder and louder, feeling yourself continue to get closer and closer.

“Mark, Mark, fuck.” You warned, gasping softly and seeing him look directly into your eyes, needy and blurry vision as he continued his rhythm.

“Baby, I’m gonna come.” He warned, losing his resolve and his hips were moving sloppier and sloppier, but it felt so good you didn’t care. You were the first to come, having to cover your own mouth with a loud moan, shaking lightly under his touch as he continued, pulling your hand away from yourself and gripping at the bedsheets. You were spent and you felt him gasp, pulling out quickly and making sure he came on your stomach, biting his lip hard enough to draw blood as he watched it splatter on your stomach. He was embarrassed that he’d come so hard, but you didn’t mind even a little bit. “Holy shit.” He laughed softly, nervousness and tiredness taking him over. He collapsed next to you to catch his breath, both of you panting messes as you stared at the ceiling. It took quite a bit of time to snap back into reality, but you decided it would be best to shower together. You know, to save water, you both joked, grinning and making sure one another was able to stand properly inside. You’d never showered with anyone before, so it was a new level experience. The intimacy was so different.

Once you were dry, you and Mark laid in bed for a while, tangled in comfortable clothes and enjoying each other’s arms. You had a lot to plan that day, but relaxing was more important in your brain. Everything else could wait for Mark. You found that out quickly.

Morning coffee turned to afternoon coffee with Mark and picking your plane tickets pulled a few tears from the both of you, but you still had one more night to spend with him and you tried to hint around at plans for seeing him again soon, but you were going to play it by ear until the funeral was over. It seemed like the best decision and it was nice to hear that Mark had wanted to pursue any further. You sat in a coffee shop for what felt like hours, just listening to each other and cracking jokes. You had no idea what had unfolded at the hotel room. You were in for it before you ever knew.

-

Baekhyun had seen something that night in the corner of his eyes as you all laid in bed. He saw a flicker of a light in your half-opened suitcase. It wasn’t uncommon knowledge that Baekhyun had a hard time with seeing his members in relationships. He knew that things went very wrong in the idol world, he’d been in the situation before and gotten crushed, but something bugged him about you. It felt suspicious that you had just so happened to find them at the store and seemingly had no issues remembering who everyone was so easily. Even his family had a hard time memorizing everyone in his groups for a while. You seemed nervous when seeing him, he remembered seeing you slightly amazed when you laid eyes on him for the first time. It seemed odd, but especially unlikely that you caught on so quickly and so easily let yourself follow around some boy in a band you never met before then. Most people wouldn’t follow a stranger like you followed Mark.

Something felt off. It might’ve been a little too nosey to worry about what he was seeing because after a few seconds the light stopped flickering, but he couldn’t stop thinking about it. He wondered why the light was flashing green more than anything. Something didn’t feel right, but he would save it for the end of the movie. He didn’t want to intrude or dig while you were two feet away. It didn’t stop him when everyone else poured out of the room to leave a sleeping you and Mark in bed to spend your time together. Everyone agreed it would be best to leave you both there.

He wanted to know what was going on in your suitcase. It was sitting half open on the floor near the window, just enough for the beam of streetlights outside to crack through. He felt slightly guilty diving through your things, but it begged at his curiosity enough to check it out. If something was fishy, he was going to be the one to snoop. He, as quietly as possible, unzipped the remaining zipper of the suitcase and gently flipped it open, unveiling a collection of NCT, WayV EXO, and a Shinee lightstick. Maybe he was going crazy, but it didn’t seem like a coincidence. The WayV lightstick was by far the hardest to find and mostly had to be pre-ordered or specially found, so that was the one that had the most of his attention. Coincidence his ass.

He was pulled from his snooping when Taeyong lightly knocked on the door. “Baek-hyung?” his soft voice spoke and Baekhyun knew it was probably best if he left. Taeyong didn’t see Baekhyun leave with the others and he was concerned, he shouldn’t have stayed in there when he knew you and Mark were sleeping. Something didn’t feel right, Taeyong wanted to check on his senior. Baekhyun was slightly angry, but he would explore the options later. It seemed like a topic to research later.

It was the next day and Baekhyun was sure that you and Mark were gone, spending the last little bit of your time together until you had to leave. He had his idea. He was ready to investigate further, being sure he held onto the extra keycard to get back into your room when he had a free moment. He wanted to know what was up because he was extremely protective over his members. He’d been in the game long enough and as the leader, he felt responsible for knowing who his members were trusting themselves with. He was always skeptical of people in general, but something about the situation felt absolutely off.

He walked into the empty room with Taeyong, who was buzzing in his ear telling him how he didn’t think it was a good idea. Baekhyun shushed him, feeling like it was his right to know why he felt fishy about you. He got his answer when he opened the suitcase again, revealing all the lightsticks yet again tucked right up under your clothes. Baekhyun was in disbelief. Taeyong was confused, furrowing his brows and not understanding exactly what was unfolding in front of him. Your SuperM one wasn’t there, it was sitting nicely on the bedside table. Baekhyun rolled his eyes at that. Maybe packing your suitcase wasn’t the best moment to have that amount of variety. You knew what was in your suitcase, but you had easily avoided Mark ever seeing you go into it. It was much easier to hide than you thought, but because of a malfunction, you were being scoped out.

“Wait.. lightsticks? As in.. for a fan.. of us…?” Taeyong asked softly, wondering why Baekhyun looked so annoyed. He reached down to uncover the lightsticks, seeing another thing pointed out to him. It was an NCT keychain you’d ripped from your keys the second you got back to your hotel after you saw them there. You knew they hadn’t seen it on there in Walgreens, but you didn’t want to take any chances and tossed it in your suitcase the second you got back.

“Looks like it, doesn’t it?” Baekhyun grunted, aggravated and looking up at Taeyong, who obviously didn’t understand the depth of the situation, but if anyone were to ask him, Taeyong didn’t care so much. “we’ve been being lied to, just to get to Mark.” Baekhyun explained, seeing Taeyong frown. He felt sad that someone would even think of doing that to his friend, but he hoped that Baekhyun was just being dramatic and maybe it wasn’t as bad as it seemed. Baekhyun spotted your wallet, biting his lip and wondering if he should look inside. For some reason you hadn’t taken it out to lunch, only stuffed your credit card and ID into your phone case. Who knew you’d regret it later? Baekhyun checked inside, shaking his head with slight angry laughter. “There’s literally a photocard of Lucas in here.” He rolled his eyes again, annoyed and wondering how he’d let Mark get so far into this trap. “And there’s one of me too!” He felt even more annoyed.

Inside, Taeyong hoped it wasn’t that serious, but he had a heavy feeling that it definitely was as the case played out in front of him. Baekhyun did what he shouldn’t have done and pulled the photocard of his face out of the wallet while Taeyong wasn’t looking, he grabbed the damaged keychain from your suitcase and set the luggage back up exactly how it was. He shook his head. You also had an EXO pin connected to one of your jackets by the chair, but Taeyong quickly ripped it off and stuffed it into his pocket before Baekhyun could see it, he didn’t want Baekhyun to make any further moves and that would’ve been the icing on the cake.

Baekhyun frowned and he could tell Taeyong was disheartened, genuinely not expecting you to have hidden something like that. He always thought the best of people, but he was extremely confused in that moment. “So we’ve been being lied to?” Taeyong asked, his brows sad and furrowed at the explanation that Baekhyun was trying to unfold. You were in for it. There was a reason Baekhyun didn’t trust anybody. Even when Chanyeol made friends in Dallas a couple years ago, he felt iffy. He normally was fine with fans, happy to indulge, yet of course very wary about how things could go.

“I think so. And they’re out together right now. I bet he has no idea either.” Baekhyun grumbled, rolling his eyes and making his way back to their own hotel room. “How fucked up can you be to lie to someone for days like that?” He asked hypothetically and he was annoyed deep in the pit of his stomach. How could he let that happen? He was supposed to be the one protecting them, but he got too distracted with traveling around America. He felt disgusted. With you and himself. Baekhyun saw the disappointment in Taeyong’s eyes, and he was sad that he’d made his friend sad, but the overwhelming urge to make sure you got what you deserved was taking over most of his brain. Baekhyun didn’t want Mark to be upset, but he hated that someone had gotten to him and a liar didn’t deserve to get the boy. A liar didn’t deserve Mark.

“Are you going to tell him?” Taeyong asked softly, entering the room and slightly scared of what Baekhyun was going to do. He didn’t know exactly what his senior was capable of, but from what he heard, it wasn’t sounding great. Taeyong didn’t want Mark to be sad and he partially didn’t even understand why it was such a big deal, but he knew Baekhyun wouldn’t be this upset without reason. He had to trust him, even if it didn’t feel right.

“I don’t know yet.” Baekhyun sighed, thumbing over the photocard he had stuffed into his pocket. He didn’t even know how to present the information without seeming like a total asshole because it wasn’t only Mark involved. Taemin, Ten, and Lucas had all gotten involved too and made friends with you and he didn’t know how to go about it in the best way possible, but he knew Taeyong would be too timid to say anything. Your secret was safe with him, but it was whether or not Baekhyun wanted to blow it up and make them all understand how serious the situation was. It wasn’t just soft romantic heartache; it was lies and deceit and you getting to know his friends was based off of lies and neglect for the truth. Baekhyun didn’t trust anyone outside of his company, and that was why. It was his biggest fear and it was involving people he cared about. It made him sick.

Baekhyun sat on the bed for a while, trying to figure out what to do as he looked at the broken NCT keychain in his hands. You’d soon regret buying whatever you wanted out of their collections because this was what was coming to bite you in the ass. You didn’t even remember you had the photocards in your wallet, but you had purposely ripped the keychain off. It wasn’t a good look. Now it really did look like you were hiding something- which, unfortunately, you were. “The plan is to leave tonight right?” He happened to say just as Ten was making his way into the door.

Ten questioned Baekhyun with your name, wondering if it was who he was talking about. “Actually, I think Mark said they looked and tickets were better for tomorrow morning.” Baekhyun quickly realized he wasn’t ready to bring his information forward yet, staying silent and shaking his head as he stuffed the keychain in his pocket. The timing was bad, he knew it. “Mark said he wanted to have one more night together.” Ten shrugged, making his way over to the bed to lay down as he waited for Taemin to finish with his hair appointment. Apparently he was getting it cut and wanted to surprise his boyfriend with it. “At least he’s getting laid I guess.” Ten snorted, scrolling through his phone and making himself comfortable. “I think so at least, I have no idea.” He shrugged again, not thinking his comment was worth more thought.

Baekhyun didn’t even want to think about you and Mark possibly having sex. He really hoped it hadn’t happened. The thought disgusted him. He hated liars. He hated people who treated them like objects, and it felt like that was exactly what you were doing. Realistically, he knew that you probably didn’t even know that what you were doing was such a low blow, but it didn’t stop his angry thoughts, making Taeyong pout and sit on the bed to try to comfort him. Baekhyun waived him off, shaking his head and sighing to pull out his own phone to distract his ever-running mind.

Taemin showed up about 20 minutes later, excitedly making his way to the bed to wake up Ten, who had accidentally fallen asleep while waiting on him. He laid on top of Ten to wake him up, giggling when he got slightly annoyed and tried to shove him off. Baekhyun watched, nose turned up in annoyance. He was thinking about if that was how you and Mark felt. He knew better than anyone that sudden interests could be intense, so he wasn’t opposed to Mark finding someone so quickly, but he was opposed to the idea of a relationship based off of lies and deceit. The thought of relationships had disgusted him, rolling his eyes and he tried to ground himself, knowing he needed a breath of fresh air. He sighed, standing up and deciding to go on a walk. Maybe for a drink, he didn’t know. “I’ll see you guys later, okay?” His voice sounded defeated.

Baekhyun didn’t want to be angry, but the situation kept playing over and over in his head and he didn’t know how to stop it. The keychain and photocard felt heavy in his pocket and he was almost mad that he’d even picked them up. He knew he did it with purpose, but what was the point if it was just going to make everyone upset? You’d made friends with not only one, but four of them and they enjoyed your company so much, he felt guilty carrying the burden of disappointment. He was conflicted. He thought Mark deserved better, but part of him thought it was better if he didn’t know. Maybe after you left, things wouldn’t go any further and you’d be just memories to each other. Maybe he was thinking too hard about it, he didn’t know. He knew he needed a drink.

Baekhyun made his way down to the hotel bar and opened a tab immediately, tipping back some shots and trying to relax. He ordered a light cocktail and decided to call one of his other friends in on the situation. He didn’t want to seem crazy. Taeyong was no help unfortunately, but maybe someone else could help him figure out exactly what to do.

The phone picked up after one short ring. “Chanyeol?”

“Why are you calling me at 4am?” Chanyeol was always a jokester, but he knew if it was Baekhyun at this time, then it probably had to be serious. It was mid-day for Baekhyun right then, so he didn’t even think of the time difference. He hadn’t even realized that he didn’t respond. “Is something wrong?”

“I don’t know, Chanyeol.” Baekhyun sighed into the receiver, placing his fingertips to his temples to regain what he was trying to figure out in his mind. Things felt blurry, especially for him to be getting day-drunk at a hotel bar. He felt a little pathetic. He was nervous to even consider telling them now, the alcohol ridding him of the anger and bitterness of the situation, and he was just sad that his friend was being lied to. He got sad when he drank, he knew that.

-

You and Mark had wasted most of the day, just hanging out and enjoying each other’s company, especially after the upsetting night. You felt so close to him in such a short amount of time and he felt like a part of you already, inching his way into your heart and it felt good, but so far away at the same time. You were leaving him soon and weren’t even sure if you’d see him again before you left, but you hoped you’d be able to spend at least some time with him before it was over. You knew he’d be back in california at the beginning of the year, but that felt like centuries away and nothing was for certain that you’d even be able to take time off to visit him again, but you hoped. God, did you hope you could.

You made your way back to the hotel, stomach full of food from the day exploring with Mark. He had taken you to a place he found on google, then as you made your way through the park, you ended up with more snacks than you could’ve imagined. You forgot what it was like to explore your own palette outside of Los Angeles, so experiencing it with Mark made it all better. He told you about his Canadian food and what he would eat at home and it made you giggle. He was definitely one of the most interesting people you’d ever talked to in your life. You wished your time could last forever with him, even standing in silence with him and walking in the breeze felt more comforting than with anyone else you’ve ever been with in your life. He was so full of energy and ready and willing to explore new things. You’d never had that before.

You were here for the last official night, Mark walking you inside of your hotel room to get your shoes off and try to relax for the last time that you were sure it would happen. Mark grabbed you by the hand and pulled you to him, reaching his hands up to your face and pulled you in for a kiss, but this one was different. This one meant something more, this one made you feel like it wouldn’t be the end. It felt like Mark wanted to hold onto you forever and not let go. His mouth was warm, and his breath was hot against your face, his tongue immediately gaining entrance and you felt like you stood there, limp and letting him kiss you like the world needed it.

You softly snaked your arms around his waist, gripping his shirt and leaning into the kiss. You didn’t want to leave Mark and that made it that much more apparent in the moment. His mouth moved gently down your face and onto your neck. You sighed at the touch, not knowing if you wanted to get into it that night. It felt a little wrong, almost as if it was expected and that made it feel like you should wait. Like it wasn’t the time. You reached up to pull his face back to yours, kissing him passionately again and feeling him softly moan into your mouth. It felt wrong to cut him off, but you had to do it to save your sanity. You wanted things to last longer with Mark. “Just kissing, I just wanna kiss, okay?” This time you were the nervous one. “Just for now.” You’d told him to calm himself down the night before, but being slow with him felt better, even if your resolve was short lived. You wanted him, but lying in bed tangled together for just a few more minutes was incomparable.

He nodded heavily, smiling against your lips. “Okay.” He spoke into your mouth, kissing you harshly again. Kissing Mark just felt so good, pressing your body even closer to his. His warmth felt like magnetism, grasping at his shirt again. “Wait, wait, wait,” Mark giggled, tugging off his jacket. “It’s um, a little warm.” He giggled softly; blush heavy on his cheeks. He wanted to stay there forever. The look in his eyes felt like he adored you, making your chest tight.

“God, you’re cute.” You told him, brushing his hair out of his face. He giggled softly and shook his head.

“Thank you. You’re pretty cute yourself.” You felt like your heart was melting, kissing him again and backing him back to the bed. It felt more comfortable for you. Mark sighed, crawling over you and it was shockingly the softest, warmest moment you’d had with someone. He repeated your actions, brushing your own hair out of your face. “You really are.” You bit your lip, looking up at him for what you felt like was forever. He sighed, grinning shyly before laying his head down in the crook of your neck and settling his body right up next to yours. You ran your fingers through his soft hair. You would miss it much more than you ever intended. You felt like you’d known him for years and it was only a week. He’d opened your eyes to so much more than you thought someone you idolized could. Him, Taemin, Ten, Lucas, and the others. They made you open your eyes and realize just how human they were. You thought you felt that way before, but it was so different.

“You’re amazing, Mark.” The words came out quickly, blushing heavily and feeling silly for saying it. He giggled too, laying his hand on your stomach, thumbing over your skin through your shirt.

“You’re just saying that.” He brushed it off, shrugging and just trying to comfort you. He thought you’d been through a lot and just having someone there with you probably felt better than anything else at that moment. Soon you’d be home and he could tell your work stressed you out, so he was trying his best to be there for you as much as he could.

“I promise, I’m not.” You told him, sitting up a bit and he followed suit, looking over at you for more of an explanation, but you drew a blank, only leaning in to kiss him again, his lips warm and soft against yours. His lip slipped between yours and begged for entrance and you happily let him, getting a little more excited than intended when his tongue mingled with yours, sparks feeling like they were flying around you as you kissed, feeling him bite your lip and gasping in response. Maybe it would be good to be with him one last time, but you would let it work naturally, not just because you felt like it was right. Because you liked each other, and it felt like the best step. You’d been there a day longer than intended, but your flight was tomorrow morning before their concert and you weren’t thinking about that. You were thinking about Mark; nobody or anything else.  You pulled away for a second. “You’re one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met.” It wasn’t a lie. He stayed silent, pressing his lips back to yours in response. You didn’t mind at all.

Your kisses were slow and measured, mouths mending together and pulling you closer, Mark’s hands finding purchase on your hips when your arms went around his shoulders, pulling him closer. His fingertips felt hot when they slipped under your shirt at your waist, tracing over your skin like he had to map you out, just to be precise. You sighed into it, kissing him even harder with slight noises into his mouth. You didn’t mind his touches, but they still were so new to you every single time. He loved that you enjoyed them so much, scooting in a little closer to you to lay your head back on the pillow. You felt like you were in heaven, kissing him like it was your only responsibility in the world anymore. You could do it forever. “I-I want you to touch me.” You told him, hearing his shy giggles in response. “Before I have to leave.”

His fingertips made their way to the hem of your bottoms, slow and soft movements as if asking for permission. You weren’t going to deny him that time, reaching down to grab his hand to push the waistband of your pants down. He helped you pull them off between kisses, only lightly massaging the skin of your thighs for a few minutes. Mark liked contact, that was obvious. You had a small worry that he was only in it for sex because it had gone so fast, but part of you didn’t care. You’d gotten so close so quickly and he hadn’t left your side. It had to mean something to him, you felt it.

He slipped his hand between your legs, lightly playing at your clit through the crotch of your underwear, letting out a staggered moan at the contact. You were in for it, you knew it. He slipped his fingers under the fabric, easily sliding two fingers in and groaning softly to himself at how aroused you were, biting his lip when he slipped another in with ease. You moaned again, hips pulling forward and wanting him to go further, reaching up to pull his face up to kiss him once more. You needed it, you needed his touch, especially if it were the last time and it very well could be.

“Hey, hey,” He stopped you, pressing his forehead to yours and giving you a gentle peck on the lips. He stilled his fingers and made you grind your hips back to continue the friction. You looked at him, eyes hooded.

“Yeah?” It came out as more of a moan, sighing heavily but you could see the slight fear in his eyes, pecking him on the lips once more as he gathered his words.

“I-I don’t want this to just be, uh, you know.” He was smiling a little, but you could tell it was a nervous smile. It made you a little worried, but his words shook your heart, making your chest feel tight. “I want, um, it to be more than this, you know.” He was shaky with his words, but your smile comforted him, blushing heavily.

“Me either.” You assured him, leaning forward to kiss him hard on the mouth, feeling his soft noises against your lips. You hoped he felt better, knowing exactly how he felt about the two of you. You felt him kiss you harder, returning his noises and slipping your tongue into his mouth. You could feel how hard he was shaking, and you wished you could calm him down. It was the third time you’d done anything, but it felt different. Mark wanted you and this felt like the best way to show it, pulling away to smile at you and you returned it gladly, sighing and feeling him relax just a tiny bit. You wanted to assure him further. “I like you a lot, Mark.” You reminded him and he giggled, biting his lip and pecking you on the lips once more before curling his fingers inside of you, pulling a gasp from your throat you didn’t expect. He found your spot so quickly, abusing it, making you only able to stutter out gasps. “Mark, fuck.” You breathed out, seeing his confidence grow. You didn’t know why he was so good at it, but he made you feel better than you could’ve imagined, quick movements curling toward himself and you were reacting better than he thought you were. He felt his dick twitch in his pants, adjusting to be a little more comfortable and you bit your lip, reaching over to place your hand over his jeans, palming over his arousal.

“God, I want you so bad.” It made your chest tight, biting your lip and loving how he ground up into your hand, eyes nearly closing. The sound of his fingers inside of you edging him on. You wanted him too and it was driving you a little crazy how good it felt to have him like this, but you didn’t want it to stop. You quickly moved to undo his jeans, feeling his fingers slip out of you. You sighed, moving over him and pushing him back to lay on the bed. You hovered over him, pushing his jeans down his thighs. You could see how red his face was and it excited you, teasing your fingers over his boxers as you earned sweet and soft gasps from him. He was sensitive and it was cute. Everything about him was cute. You reached your hand into the waistband of his boxers, tugging them down as well and he helped you pull them off, trying not to giggle as he struggled to pull his own shirt off as well. You laid there, smiling at his naked figure. You could look at him all day, seeing him flush and feel exposed. “I-I’m not really that used to this,” He reminded you and that almost made it better, shutting him up with soft kisses.

“It’s fine, you’re doing great, okay?” You scooted down his body and heard him gasp when your face got near his stomach, almost in disbelief at the thought of you going down on him. It wasn’t even a thought he had, but he was happy to let you do it, wrapping your fingers around his length and placing your mouth on his tip, trying to go easy on him because he was already having a bit of a fit, head thrown back into the bed sheets and moaning wantonly. It was a fun sight to see, him losing control. You liked when he did, but you wouldn’t tell him that. You moved your mouth slowly, taking just a bit of him in at a time, swirling your tongue around the head and giggling when he whined. You pulled off, jerking him off a bit so you could talk, bring him back to earth. “You’re so cute.” You told him, hearing him sigh and lay his arm over his head.

“It’s so embarrassing, I’m sorry.” He told you, covering his face and moving his hips into your hand.

“No, I love it.” You told him, sighing happily and taking the head into your mouth again. His gasp edging you further to suck, tongue digging into the slit. You’d never really been so interested in giving head before, but Mark made you feel much better about it, he was so shy and loved it so much. You pulled off, seeing his chest rise and biting your lip. You hoped he could last longer, but you weren’t sure, moving to crawl back over him, chest to his to press your lips back to his again. “Please fuck me.” You told him, getting a shy grin in return.

“Okay.” He nodded, kissing you back and flipping you to where he was hovered over you, moving his lips to your neck immediately and pushing your shirt up and over your head, biting your lip because it was the most skin on skin contact you’d had. He felt warm and comforting, his body over yours and settling between your legs. He reached down, tugging your underwear off and playfully tossing them off to the side.

“Someone’s confident.” You joked, seeing his eyebrow quirk up, staying silent.

He opened your legs further, thumbing over your clit and making you gasp in surprise, laying your head back just a bit as he lined himself up, still perfectly wet enough to slide inside. Your moan was much louder than you wanted, seeing his eyes shut and his hands finding purchase at your waist, gentle thrusts making your whole body feel hot. You gasped loudly when he gave a hard thrust, crooking his hips just right to make you moan. Loud. “Fuck,” You whined. “Mark, please.” You saw him blush harder, leaning down to kiss you as he continued his shallow thrusts, moaning deeply into your mouth. It was heaven with Mark, completely focused on you and nothing else. It wasn’t long before you were both done for, wishing it would last longer but the feeling and pleasure was so heightened, you couldn’t help it. Picking up thrusts and going faster, his hand slipping up to thumb over your nipple. You groaned, feeling his hips snap into yours and stimulating your clit. He hit you in just the right ways, gasping as your orgasm came closer and closer. “Mark, I-“ He nodded, panting heavily.

“Me too, baby, me too.” The pet name made you feel hot, gasping as the wave crashed over you, throwing your head back into the pillows and clenching around Mark. Hearing him moan himself made you shudder and he quickly pulled out, making a mess on your stomach for the second time. You had to giggle, knowing it was because it was him that you didn’t mind. He laid next to you, laying his head on your chest and feeling too tired to clean up his mess. He reached over for a towel you’d used for your face earlier in the day because it was close, quickly asking you if he could use it. “Is this towel okay?” He asked between pants, you laying there a heavy breathing mess. You nodded, trying to regain your composure. You were so tired. You were never like that with anyone else.

You laid like that for a while, trying to forget about the fact that you’d be leaving tomorrow. You didn’t want to think about it. Mark had his arm laid across your waist, holding you close to him and thumbing over your skin with soft sighs, relaxing as you both laid there, completely spent and enjoying your last night together.

You fell asleep in his arms, hands running through his hair and you woke up spooning before you realized you’d fallen asleep. Nobody had ever made you feel that good in your life, so you dealt with the consequences of falling harder and deeper for someone you hardly knew. You vaguely wished it was just sex, so things were less complicated, but that wasn’t nearly as easy of a case, but you’d deal with it later. You always said that, and it got you in trouble. You hoped it wouldn’t.

[kinetic-elaboration]

September 18: 1x15 Shore Leave

Shore Leave tonight! Because I need it. I had a lot of thoughts on this because it’s so ridiculous and wonderful.

That planet looks like a giant green screen. Which is appropriate.

I could watch this back rub scene on a loop all day. Fellas, is it gay to want your First Officer to really dig it in there?

Captain going to his quarters to work from home today.

Oh-ho, what is this, the little seen Sulu & McCoy dynamic.

Plant nerd Sulu wants information on all the greenery.

That rabbit is so great. Fun fact I had an LJ icon with that rabbit back in the day.

Honestly this is such a great concept for an episode. Like I don’t have any really deep notes or feelings about it but both as a sci fi idea (a very high-tech ‘amusement planet’ that uses unseen machines that can read your thoughts to manufacture delightful things for you) and an entertaining yarn, it’s so good. I also think the characters are really on point.

It’s so good that Theodore Sturgeon could put that back rub scene in there and no one even noticed.

“Stardate.... something.....uh, point three.” I laughed, I really did. Stardates do not and never have made sense and I like that even Kirk is so tired at this point he’s like “yeah whatever.” Mood, Sir.

Kirk is canonically a workaholic. He’s the kind of guy who checks his email on vacation. Who answers emails at 11pm. With his husband next to him like to rest is to rest jim!!!

“On my planet, to rest is to rest.”

Kirk thinks he’s so cute. He’s looking really handsome today himself, but Kirk always looks at his best when he’s got his heart eyes face on.

“A crewman’s rights end where the ship’s safety begins.” We need that on a poster today in 2020 for Reasons.

Love how unamused Kirk is and how amused Spock is. Ya got played, son!

Oh, look, it’s a random gun. Too bad Chekov’s not here to claim it. (He’d love this planet btw.)

YFIP: Captain Kirk. Cancels shore leave mere minutes before it’s supposed to start.

Gunshots!! Sulu found the gun! And he’s so excited! And then Kirk takes it away like the Mean Dad he is.

One thing I wonder about this planet is at what point do the objects, people, etc. cease to exist. Do they just eventually wander back to the trapdoors and.... get recycled? Do they have this built in? Is that not... weird? Rosencrantz and Guildenstern: Shore Leave. And do the inanimate objects have to be returned?

I love this Kirk Academy back story and we were robbed--ROBBED--of it in AOS, fight me on this. “I was downright grim.” Bullied by an upperclassman?? Who liked playing dumbass pranks?? Sounds like enemies to lovers, slowburn, 20k, to me.

Love how absolutely deranged Finnegan is though.

Yeoman Barrows’ rape fantasy.

Kirk stops to a pick a flower! To romantic music!! He is so soft and I love him byeeeeeeeee.

And then the flower reminds him of his Academy girlfriend Ruth. Who is uh obviously played by a woman in her 30s and yet hasn’t aged a day in 15 years so 19 year old Kirk with an older lady y/y?

Love his confused face while she’s kissing him though.

He’s so dazed as he calls McCoy and then just kinda... gives up lol.

Bones, too busy flirting to remember the white rabbit he’s supposed to be chasing. Don’t say “a whole army of Don Juans”!!!

His eyeshadow is also on point today. He’s so shameless, trying to not-quite-watch her as she changes into the Princess Costume. No one ever remembers how flirty McCoy is but he IS.

Oh look, a big kitty!!! Very beautiful and nice.

Sulu lol, just casually thinking of samurai. Bet he wishes he still had that gun now.

Spock having a hard time beaming down reminds me of that meme “Now I will always be a child of two worlds.”

Spock’s thought process is hilarious. “Our transporters were about to stop working so I thought, hey, how about I strand myself too--just to be with you, Jim.”

McCoy and Barrows holding hands.

They’re supposed to spread out but Kirk and Spock go together obviously.

Oh no, the knight! I’m sure Kirk told Spock not to shoot bc he knew his phaser didn’t work but it still looks like ‘I got this baby.’

There’s no one to say “He’s dead Jim.” :(

Barrows shouldn’t feel guilty; it was Bones’s fault for conjuring the knight in the first place by saying the word “knight.”

Lol can’t Sulu run the tricorder? Like the obviousness with which they switch out Sulu and Spock so K and S can have their moment is... Something.

“Are you saying that this is a plant, Mr. Spock?”

Lol just poking the dummy in the face.

“Funny air vehicles.” Don’t have planes in the 24th century I guess?

Don’t say strafing run!!

When Kirk thinks of the Academy, he thinks of Finnegan first apparently. And now begins an incredibly long fight sequence. I actually like the TOS fights in general quite a bit because they’re SO choreographed. So for me they are more fun than fights now, which are such a mess I don’t even know what I’m looking at. But even so--this one is VERY long.

And VERY homoerotic.

“Jim baby.” “Sweet Jimmy boy.” Resting on top of that cliff in a ‘draw me like one of your French girls’ pose. Kirk’s shirt just like.... REALLY randomly ripping right the hell off.

“You couldn’t find your head with both hands.” ???

I love this Irish tune. Apparently this was the first ep this composer worked for and I think he did a really good job all around! I rarely notice music but I did in this one and always in a good way.

Spock’s makeup is great as usual. He and Kirk are on the same expository wavelength.

Spock, don’t say the word “tiger”! You can clearly see it is on a leash lol. Lots of gratuitous touching as Kirk and Spock run away. My mom and I agree that Spock liked the tiger, though. He does like cats and big animals like iChaya.

All the crewman line up except for Angela. Really dropping the ball there.

Love how the amusement park manager shows up just after Kirk told everyone not to think about anything. “Okay, who imagined the man in green robes?”

Spock’s posture and expression.... so good. He clearly loves the idea of an amusement park, and, given that he describes it as a place with “many fascinating things” to do/see, I think he would, canonically, love it.

“The more complex the mind, the greater need for the simplicity of play.”

 THE MUSIC WHEN MCCOY SHOWS UP WITH THE GIRLS OMG.

He’s such a slut. One whole love interest plus TWO imaginary showgirls? Tone it down Mister.

I can’t believe one of the girls goes to Spock. He’s like “What do I do with this?” Then hands her off to Sulu because Rodriguez is already helping Angela move on from her dead husband. So now Sulu gets two ladies.

Spock doesn’t need any more shore leave, because he got to spend some time with Kirk, solve a mystery, and see a tiger. That’s all the fun he needs!

The last scene was pretty unnecessary (except that I guess without it, it kinda looks like Kirk is just...leaving the Enterprise for his old girlfriend lol) but at least we get the awkward implication that Kirk, McCoy, and Sulu had a lot of sex, and some random fake laughter.

(Sulu absolutely canonically had a threesome.)

Next up is the Galileo Seven, a Classic TM Spock (and Spock & McCoy) episode.

[curtisandlewis]

Recently, I read 2K to 10K by Rachel Aaron and 5,000 Words Per Hour by Chris Fox. To paraphrase, these books claim that by using their techniques to get into a flow state you could conceivably have word counts of up to 10,000 in a single day. Guess what? I believe them. The flow state they both described is what I used to feel every single time I sat down to write. I could get 5,000 words in a single session and have the time of my life while doing it.

After 2015, anxiety and OCD got in the way of me getting into that flow state and I figure it’s worth the try to get back to it. I had already planned for March to be the month I write most of the fanfiction I post here throughout the year. So, what better time than to follow the techniques while I do each phase of writing and document the process all right here in this post. 

Zero Draft: A draft that isn’t structured enough to be a full first draft. I write it very fast and it’s the best way to get the story out. I write this using only Google Docs on my Ipad.

I know it’s only been two days but this turned out to be a real success. The process I followed was to meditate in the morning and spend the first ten minutes thinking about the fic and letting the scene play out like it would in a movie. This is how I applied their technique of visualization. I then give myself 5 or 10 minutes to prepare for my writing session. 

I play music by Troye Sivan because that matches the mood of the scene the best for me. 

The next thing I do is my own creation. I open a separate document (usually create a new note in Google Keep) and manifest what I want my writing session to be. I believe in the power of your thoughts to dictate your behavior and ultimate success if that’s not your thing feel free to skip that step. 

The last thing I do before actually opening my writing document is open Google Sheets on my Ipad and fill out my Word Sprint Tracker. Tracking your progress is essential in both these books. It’s been pretty fun watching my word count speed go up with each session. 

I have three apps open on my Ipad: Google Docs, Google Keep, and Google Sheets. Docs and Keep are in a split screen so I can write while seeing my outline or I can look at my manifesting note when my motivation starts to get down (I also put random ideas on there if I don’t want them cluttering my document)

The next step has helped me the most HANDS DOWN. I take five or so minutes and describe the scene. What is it about, what are the emotions I want to convey, what does it mean to the characters, and ultimately what is the freaking point!

That five minutes has increased my word count from 125 in a half-hour session to a solid 500 in every session and no more staring at the screen hating life because the words will just not come.

Start Date: 3/1 End Date: 3/2  Word Count: 2,076

First Draft: The typical first draft. All the gaps have been filled in and I’ve decided where I want the story to go. I will be writing on my laptop for this draft using only the writing program Scrivener. 

First, my process

Review outline 

Have a split-screen view of Google docs (Zero Draft) and Scrivener.

Copy zero draft to Scrivener by typing word for word

I love typing up the document over again. The zero draft serves as a map for when I get stuck and I’m free to expand or cut as I go. As for the laptop, I have pros and cons. 

PROS

I have my desktop free to play music, videos, or serve as a mood board for inspiration as I write. 

The screen is bigger than my Ipad and the keyboard is a lot easier to type on

CONS

It may be portable but it’s still heavy-ish. I can’t exactly wake up and start typing away.

The battery life doesn’t last very long so I have to keep it plugged in most of the time.

I’m leaning towards using the desktop for projects that are 20K+ words but shorter than that I think the laptop would be fine. I really enjoyed working at night with the lights turned off and my diffuser running. It created a nice mood, especially when writing the romantic/ sexy parts. I don’t think I would have the same experience writing on my desktop. Also, I’m totally hyped it only took me two days to write the first draft!

Start Date: 3/4 End Date: 3/7 (A total of 2 working days) Word Count: 2,501

Second Draft-Developmental Edit: For this draft and all the way up to posting I will be working only on my desktop. Since I use my desktop for everything not related to writing I thought it would be good to limit it to revision. It’s the idea if you use your bed for activities other than sleep than you’ll have a hard time sleeping. During revision, I can take my time and not have to worry about word count. Also if I inevitably get distracted by the internet it’s not as disastrous as if I was drafting. This is the first edit and I’ll be trying out a new process for this referencing 2k to 10k. 

Update the small outline I made before writing

Read the fic in Scrivener and make a comment for each thing I want to change (it’s similar to comment feature in google docs) this will be my to-do list (mentioned in 2K to 10K)  

Open my second writing program Liquid Story Binder and start with the biggest problem on my to-do list

I’ll take the section of text that I want to change from scrivener and copy it to Liquid Story Binder where I will make the change and paste it back into Scrivener. Focusing on a small section of text at a time helps with my anxiety.  

It only took about an hour or so to do this so I can’t say how I feel yet about using the desktop. I do think it was helpful having Liquid Story Binder to focus on a specific text, especially when working on pacing.

Start Date: 3/8 End Date: 3/8 Word Count: 2,553  

Grammar Edit: This phase is pretty much how it sounds. Same as before I copy and paste small sections of text into the Hemingway editor and make the changes there. 

This may be my least favorite phase of the writing process. It’s very tedious and I don’t like being reminded how much I abuse the word “just.” As for working only on the desktop, I feel the extra screen real estate helps a lot.

Here’s the resulting document

Start Date:3/8 End Date:3/8 Word Count: 2,628  

 Last full Developmental Edit: Working only in Scrivener I’ll read the whole story from beginning to end, make my to-do list and make all the changes directly in Scrivener.

This serves mostly as another read. Usually, if something is giving me anxiety I’ll take this time to see if I can change it while still being true to the characters and the story I want to tell. This time I just took twenty minutes and read through it, marking up a couple of more typos.

Start Date: 3/9 End Date: 3/9 Word Count: 2,647

Prepare for posting: This is the most tedious part of the process. 

Write the summary

Hopefully, I can name the damn fic at that point

Add all the general information about the fic (Pairings, Warnings, notes, etc...)

 Read the fic and list Somethings to Look Foward To

All the tags...      

Start Date: 3/13 End Date: 3/13  

Last line edit: I read through again going line by line fixing any typos or grammatical errors and really paying attention to how the words flow. 

Working on the desktop probably works the best for this phase. I’m depressed and had to force myself to finish this fic. I’m not writing anymore in March or April. Luckily this experiment was only for one fic and I do have a better understanding of what process works for me. However, I won’t be able to test it out until May.

Start Date: 3/13 End Date: 3/13 Word Count: 2,392

Post!

[iamtaekooked]

The Truth Untold || Kth

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TAEHYUNGIE!! 💜

Genre: Romance, Angst, Fluff (tons of it), light smut , Enemies to lovers! AU, Roommate! AU

Word count: 20k (ITS LONGGGGGG!)

Summary: 

When your roommate Min Yoongi decides to move, leaving you alone with Kim Taehyung you don’t know how you will survive. Kim Taehyung is a grade A-fuckboy with zero manners. He play’s games at god-awful hous in the morning, watches porn like no one’s business, makes sex jokes-- in short he’s everything you despise. But one night he asks you to dance with him and that’s when everything changes 

Warnings: tons of swearing, mention of sexual acts (fair warning).

M.list 

A/N:  I have never written anything this long. You guys this took everything in me. It was an emotional ride, writing this short story. Please reblog, like, leave me comments because it took me a week to finish this! I have worked extremely hard on it and I would love it if you guys could give it a lot of love and appreciation!! If you read this, I thank you from the bottom of my heart :)

When your roommate Yoongi decides to move, your world comes crashing down. At first, you think he is joking, but watching the serious expression morph into sympathy you realize he is saying the truth. As if you have been defeated by life, you fall limply on the couch while staring at the floor in a blank fashion. Yoongi tries to get your attention but fails. He crouches down in front of you with concern, hands steady on your knees.

The reason for your absolute shock is not because you are madly in love with Yoongi and his leaving has come as a bit of a heartbreak. No. The reason for your horror is pure selfishness. One might even say that Min Yoongi is your means of survival in the dorm.

Since you have known Yoongi, there is one thing about him that has always struck you. The man can mediate any situation to keep harmony and peace alive in a place. Not only is he talented at that, but he is also very good at diffusing tension in a room with his practical and mature thinking. One might wonder how these qualities help you with surviving in the dorm, and why you would even worry about his leaving to the extent that you have practically become a statue.

But when you live with someone whose god awful presence is the bane of your existence, a mediator is always needed. That someone happens to be Yoongi’s cousin and the source of all your woes and anger: Kim Taehyung

Now when Yoongi first introduced you to Taehyung, you thought you could live with him. There was no reason to dislike him. He was a music major in a prestigious university and gifted to the max. The moment you heard he was studying music, in your head you painted a picture of him which was equivalent to that of a sweet-natured boy, with his nose buried in some music text or the other, and a very kind disposition. After all, society has painted artists, poets, and musicians as true romantics, valiant at the heart, and intellectuals of great intelligence. So, you thought of Taehyung in that light as well. How different could he be from other artists and musicians devoted to their art?

You came to know the answer within a week of living with him. Taehyung played his guitar and piano at god-awful hours of the night. He drank as if he would never see alcohol in his life again and he would put hoarders to shame with his messy ways. The number of times he hit on you in the span of 60 seconds, would cause the whole of male species to question themselves. An instant dislike began to form in your mind. Whom you had thought was a good-natured boy, turned out to be the complete opposite: a grade A fuckboy and a thoroughly unbearable human being.

So, when Yoongi tells you he’s moving, meaning that he is leaving you alone to live with Taehyung, your instinctual reaction is a horrific shock. It feels like the end of your life. It feels like the end of everything because how in the world are you supposed to survive in a dorm, with a man like Taehyung without Yoongi? For as long as you can remember, Yoongi has always ensured that Taehyung can never destroy your innocence with his ways. He has always been able to calm you down in moments where you have felt like killing Kim Taehyung.

This is why you need Yoongi and this is why you are perplexed.

“You can’t though” you mutter as your eyes meet Yoongi. “You seriously cannot leave me alone with Taehyung. I will end up killing him. You know that too Yoongi. Please” you fold your hands and close your eyes. “Please do not leave me alone with him. I won’t be able to live” you whine

“You won’t kill him. He’s changed” Yoongi says, but he doesn’t believe his own words either.

“Changed?” you shot up from your seat, and scoff in disbelief. “Bullshit. For fuck's sake Yoongi, he’s watching porn right now” you point to Taehyung who is sitting on the couch, eyes glued to his computer screen.

“She’s right. I am watching porn” he doesn’t even lift his eyes from the screen as he speaks. He looks completely entranced and what you can’t understand is how Yoongi can still say he’s changed. You know he doesn’t mean those words because clearly, Taehyung will always be Taehyung and you both know it.

Yoongi lets out a sigh, bites the corner of his lips and gets up from his crouched position to glare at Taehyung. But the man is unaffected by whatever is going around him. He’s still intently watching whatever is happening on the screen and he doesn’t seem to give two fucks about either you and Yoongi.

Yoongi shakes his head before turning his attention back to you. He looks at you apologetically, lips in a thin straight line. “I am sorry honey. But I have to move. This place is too far from work and…” he trails off with a small sigh. “I am sorry”

Your head drops in defeat as you stare at the ground. Then you feel his arms around you, a gesture of apology more than anything. Hesitantly you wrap your arms around him as well, resting your cheek on his shoulder, feeling a lump rising in your throat.

“I don’t want to be alone with him” you cry and whine while kicking your feet on the ground in frustration like kids do when they beg their parents for candy or throw a tantrum.

“I promise. You will be fine. Just ignore him. Don’t talk to him, don’t look at him” he rubs your back soothingly.

“Hey!” Taehyung turns around from his perch on the couch and smiles eagerly at you. “Hey. If you’re done you should come watch this y/n. This chick is amazing. Maybe you could learn a trick or two from her and get lucky. If you know what I mean” and then he goes back to it.

“I am gonna kill him” you mutter against Yoongi’s shoulder. As soon as you say the words, you feel his hands tighten around you to hold you in place. But you yank them away and storm towards Taehyung.

Grabbing the pillow from underneath his head, you start hitting him in the face with it which causes his laptop to fall on the floor. You continue hitting him with it until he finally sits up and raises his arms against his face to protect himself.

“Turn” hit. “It” hit “Off!” hit. “You fucking perv!” you scream and when you are finally done you throw the pillow in his face and storm back to your room, slamming the door behind you.

You jump onto your bed, place a pillow in front of your face and scream into it. Once you feel the tension release from your body and your throat begins to itch, you lie on your back and stare at the ceiling while clutching the pillow. Your heart races in your chest, and your mind runs rampant with worry because you don’t really know how you will survive with Taehyung.

There is a knock on your door, and then a click of the handle.

“What” you don’t bother addressing whoever it is directly.

“He’s leaving” it’s Taehyung’s voice, and you would recognize it anywhere.

“I don’t care” you sigh and roll onto your side and away from Taehyung. Seconds later you hear the door shut, and tears begin brimming in your eyes.

.  .  .  

The dorm feels empty with Yoongi gone,  and the only sounds that remain are those of Taehyung’s unnecessarily loud video games and the moaning of the couple that lives next door to you. The more you lie there, each second furthers your anger because from your right you hear sounds of the video game and from your left all the moaning and squeaking of the bed from the apartment next door. You grab the pillow from next to you and place it on your ear, while you cover the other ear with your hand and close your eyes. You try to focus on the thoughts in your head, but you find that you are really just thinking about how to shut Taehyung up.

So, abandoning your comfortable bed, you head outside and pound on Taehyung’s door.

“Open up”

Nothing happens

“Open the fucking door” you hit the door hard with your hands and try yank at the handle a few times

A second later Taehyung opens the door, wearing nothing but his tank top and shorts and a gaming microphone fit snugly over his head. “What?” he deadpans.

“Move” you shove past him and over all the clothes laying on the floor and disconnect his game console.

“What the fuck? I was at the last level!” he runs over to you and swats your hands away from the console.

“It’s 4 am Taehyung! Go to sleep!” you glare at him.  

“Why do you always have to be a bitch about everything?!” he grabs your wrist and pins you against the wall. You feel his ragged breaths on your skin as you both glare at each other. “No wonder you are boring! You don’t know how to have fun. It’s like everytime you open your mouth, your sole purpose is to suck all the energy and life out of everyone in the room” his face grows red and his nostrils flare.

“Oh yeah? Why the fuck can’t you take anything seriously? Why can’t you just be a normal human being instead of being a fucking caveman and living like a hobo?!” you yell back

A dreary silence falls as both of you just glare at each other. All you hear is the sound of his breathing and your own. Your mouth dries up from all the shouting so you run your tongue over your lower lip and bite on it. Taehyung’s gaze changes from that of anger to something else you can’t place.

“Don't do that” he bites his own lip, and then slowly releases it while his gaze rests on your lips. “Weirdly enough, I am turned on right now” his voice is at the edge of a whisper

“Go take a shower” you reply curtly and stand up. “You stink”

“Come with me then” he runs his tongue over his teeth, a small smirk quivering at the corner of his lips.

“Do you want to die?” you grit through clenched teeth and narrow your eyes at him while trying to yank your wrist from his grasp, but it’s fruitless.

“You should stop speaking. It’s not really helping me right now” he looks down at his shorts, and then back up at you with a smug smirk as if it’s something he is very proud of.

“You’re disgusting” you turn your head sideways and look at the floor instead. You feel his eyes on you, travelling the expanse of your face. Your own face starts heating up and you will for the warmth to go down because Taehyung cannot see you red-faced. It’s a matter of pride and you can’t let him win.

Moments later he starts chuckling under his breath and lets go of your wrist. “You make it so easy y/n” he shakes his head and steps back a few paces, finally giving you the room to breathe.

“Let’s see how this makes you feel” you harshly step on his foot.

He winces in pain, eyes shutting tight, lips forming a thin line and face getting red. He places the back of his hand against his mouth and exhales. “Great. Now I am actually turned on” he croaks in pain.

“Fuck off” you roll your eyes before leaving his room and leaving him stranded in pain.

Later, you hear the sound of the shower running.

.  .  .

Living with Taehyung has never been as unbearable before because Yoongi was there to curb him down. But now that he is without any supervision, he is completely off the rail. When you come home, from a hard day’s work what you find is a trail of clothes leading to Taehyung’s room. You are about to make yourself at home when you notice that there are undergarments on the couch, and you don’t wanna touch them. Approaching it closer, you notice that it is wet and stained white. You gag at imagining whatever must have happened on there before you came.

“Oh! Yes, Taehyung!” you hear sounds from his bedroom.

“Gross” you mutter under your breath and rub your temples because a headache begins to form behind your eyes. The sounds only seem to get louder and this time you can hear Taehyung’s voice too. You sigh heavily and then your eyes fall on the stereo remote which gives you an idea.

You grab the remote and turn the speakers on, making sure to increase the volume to the fullest. It’s loud enough to make you want to cover your ears but at least it successfully drowns out the sounds. That way you can distract yourself with something while you clean the gross couch with the leather cleaner Yoongi had bought.

Suddenly, you miss Yoongi. You haven’t called him since he left a week ago. Maybe you just feel too angry at him to even talk to him. But he is your best friend and if he was here things would be so different. Taehyung wouldn’t have dared to do whatever he is doing, and you wouldn’t have to clean up his disgusting mess.

Gathering your hair in a bun and placing your jacket on the coat rack, you bring the cleaning supplies to the living room. With gloved hands, you spray the solution all over the couch and begin cleaning it with a sponge. You hum along to the tune of the song and begin cleaning. While you are in the midst of scrubbing, the door to Taehyung’s room flings open with a loud noise. But you don’t notice because the music is too loud and it’s only when it shuts off abruptly that you look up to the source of annoyance. Coming face to face with Taehyung doesn’t deter you from ignoring him though and keep on sweeping.

“What the fuck are you doing?” he’s dressed in his robes, but his chest is visible due to his lack of bothering to be covered up properly. You tear your eyes away to look at his face and see that he is fuming.

“Why? Did I interrupt something?” you chuckle mockingly before returning back to cleaning and ignoring him again.

It’s silent as you clean, and the only sound is that of the sponge squeaking against the leather sofa. You wonder whether he has left already, but when you look through the corner of your eyes, you can see his feet, and you can sense his eyes on you, no doubt glaring daggers through your skull.

“If I knew you would get so jealous, I would have invited you” you hear the amusement in his voice and can imagine the sick grin on his face.

“Huh” you scoff. “I doubt you’re any good at it” you mock his skills in the bedroom in an attempt to rile him. You take satisfaction in knowing that you are able to silence him because he doesn’t respond immediately like he usually does. Maybe you get too engrossed in your supposed victory that you don’t realize when he’s grabbing your elbow and yanking you up from your spot on the floor.

“You don’t want to start something you can’t finish” he grips you tight by the waist, pulling you in close so that there is no trace of even an inch of space between you. He starts walking fowards, hands still resting around the small of your back. “What do you feel right now y/n?” his voice is raspy and low. “Hmm?” he hums right when you feel your back hit the wall. He is completely pressed up against you, both of his hands resting at the side of your waist.

You are so close that you can feel his chest rising and falling, and close enough to feel his heartbeat against your skin. To the third eye, it would look like your bodies were moulded together. That’s how close you are. So, you fix your gaze on his chest, as he towers of you, his breath fanning the tip of your nose, the locks on his forehead, grazing the top of your forehead and leaving a ticklish feeling. “Tell me you don’t feel anything right now”

You find yourself incapable of speaking because you can feel every part of his body pushed against yours. No one has ever been this close and it violates the concept of a personal bubble in ways unimaginable. At this point, you are sure he can feel your heartbeat too. In fact, you know he is able to feel the heat emanating off you.

“Don’t you -- Don't you have things to take care of?” you barely whisper the words and clear your throat as your eyes dart around, not daring to catch the sight of his face.

“I find this of more importance” he pauses, his grip tightening around your waist if that is even possible. “Tell me y/n. Tell me that you don’t feel anything right now. Look at me and say it” you feel him bury his nose in the side of your head. “Tell me that us, that me being this close to you doesn’t affect you” his voice sounds muffled as his nose grazes your cheek.

“It doesn’t” you whisper as your eyes close

“Look me in the eyes and say it” he states as he retracts back just enough to look at your downcast eyes.

You gulp and your breath comes out in broken blows. You can’t look him in the eyes. You know you should, and you want to. But somehow your body is betraying you and giving in to the sensations it’s feeling. Something tingles inside of you, the inside of your stomach sways with nervousness. Your heart beats uncharacteristically loud in your ears, and your breathing is utterly erratic, alternating between periods of too much breathing and then not enough. You feel a little intoxicated, unable to form coherent thoughts or keep your awareness in the present. Too wound up in the feeling of his body against yours, you forget how to be in the moment. You forget the boundary which defines your relationship and in that one moment he’s a guy and you are a girl which makes it so easy to break all the rules.

He hooks a finger underneath your chin to lift your head. “Look at me”

Unwillingly and forcibly you have to because he’s got a hold on your chin and he won't let you look away from him. His eyes aren’t playful anymore. The expression in them is not the usual lighthearted, teasing look. It’s different. “Are you going to kiss me?” you whisper the words against your control. There is a delay in processing what you have just said and it’s only when the words have left your mouth do you realize it. You don’t know what prompts it but if the sensations you feel in the moment are any indication, it was bound to happen.

Instead of hearing an answer, what you feel is a feather-light peck on your lips. It’s gone as soon as it came. You are disappointed, to say the least. But the rational part of you is pissed off. You feel defeated, ashamed and embarrassed as he pulls away. Your eyes remain closed even after it is over because you have lost the courage to look at him.

“Let go Tae” you say in affirmation of your defeat. “If you don’t wanna die, let me go. Right now” you open your eyes and feel the irritation build up in your throat because of how easily you gave into him. Somehow able to find your strength you say these words to him and hope that they can salvage your pride in some form.

“Fine” Taehyung says in a smug fashion, the tone of his voice bordering on cockiness because he knows he’s won. He loosens his grip and is very painfully slow to completely let go. His hand grazes the side of your waist as he moves back.

“If you ever touch me again, I will break your hands” you turn around, and fan your burning cheeks before storming off to your room completely red-faced and confused.

.  .  .  

It’s the wee hours of dusk and you have finals to study for. But of course, Taehyung doesn’t understand that concept. The sound of the guitar flows through the entire apartment while you are trying to study. Had it been someone else playing you would have taken a break and appreciated the music. But since it’s Taehyung, you would rather your ears bleed and you lose the ability to hear. Of course, you shouldn’t wish it upon yourself but if you have hear one more song, you will punch him in the face.

Harshly, lifting the books off your lap and throwing them on the mattress, you storm into the living room where the sound is coming from. “Will you stop playing? I am trying to study”

Taehyung ignores you and continues strumming his guitar. You fume in anger, placing your hands on your hips and tongue inside your cheek. “I am going to break your guitar” you threaten

What it does is shift his attention from playing to you. “You’ve been studying all day” he looks at you.

“And?” you look at him in the -whats-your-point- kind of way.

“And, you should take a break” he stares at you for a second longer before focusing back on playing.

You blink profusely, unable to comprehend the sudden concern for your well being. Since when does he care what you do? You stare at him while plays, and it strikes you that he’s never looked more serious in life before. He is completely concentrated, impervious to his surroundings as his fingers delicately flow from one string to the next, knitting together bearable music, or at least some semblance of it.

“Why the fuck do you care?” you question and tap your foot impatiently on the ground.

He sighs, stops playing and then looks at you. “Because if you take a break, you won't be studying. Which means that I can play and you won't be able to complain. It’s purely selfish”

“Here I thought you were capable of expressing consideration and concern towards others”

“Towards others, yes. Towards you, no” he speaks without lifting his head.

“Asshole” you mutter under your breath

“Are you deliberately trying to get my attention?” he looks up from what he’s doing and flashes his eyebrows in question.

“Please” you roll your eyes. “You are the last person in this whole fucking planet I would want attention from”

He chuckles and shakes his head, the seemingly innocent expression soon morphing into a smug one. He raises an eyebrow and regards you with interest. “Need I remind you of that night?” he tilts his head and flashes an eyebrow

“What night?” you question in confusion, but a small inkling in the back of your mind slaps you with the memory of his lips on yours. He places his guitar aside as he looks at you.

“The night when I did this-” he grabs your wrist and pulls you towards himself and then it hits you. “Hmm?” He hums in question and once again your mind drifts to said night and the things he made you feel. “And this” his face moves closer to yours and your eyes threaten to close in response, but then you gasp and push him away.

“Your brain is stuffed in your dick. You can’t think of anything else can you?’ you scowl at him in distaste.

“That is exactly why it works so well. Junior Taehyung knows what's good” he flashes his eyebrows at you as if there couldn’t be a better response.

“Jesus fucking Christ” you put your hands on your head. “Just shut up. You are disgusting” you look at him with an agape mouth, in a state of complete and utter disbelief at the things that come out of his mouth.

“Oh come on. You have heard it all before. You know I am good. Why are you denying it?”

“I would never have sex with you. Even if you were the last man standing on this planet and the future of our species depended on it, I would rather humankind cease to exist than sleep with you”  you scrunch your nose in distaste as a shudder runs through your spine.

“Really? You seemed to be very hot and bothered that night when I kissed you. In fact, you asked me to kiss you” the corner of his mouth rises cockily.

“Hot and bothered?” you scoff in disbelief but you have to keep feigning it because you know he’s right. The things he made you feel that night can never happen again. “I am going to be sick I think” you gag. “Do not try anything on me Kim Taehyung. I will make good on my threat. I will break your fucking hands if you touch me again”

“Try anything on you?” he huffs. “I have standards”

“Ha!” you chuckle. “You kissed me”

“Meh” he scrunches his nose. “It was bland anyway” he grins

To say you feel offended is an understatement. Especially, if it comes from Taehyung. “This is coming from you? I mean I seem to recall that you fuck anything that walks on two legs without consideration. Its a wonder you are still alive given the kinds of women you have done it with”  

“At least I have had sex, unlike someone” he smirks satisfactorily upon hitting a nerve.

You gasp aloud. “I have had sex. A lot of it!” you are awfully quick to defend yourself.

Taehyung considers you for a moment, his eyes narrow and tongue held between his teeth. “First, only a virgin would say something like that and secondly tell me what a missionary is”

“What?” your eyebrows furrow in confusion.

“You said you have had plenty of sex, so tell me what missionary is. If you have done it you should know” he folds his arms across his chest, a smile of victory already forming on his lips.

“I am not answering that question” you glare at him. “Who knows what kinds of ideas you’ll get in your fucked up head. This conversation is done.”

“You’ve never done it”

“Fuck off Kim” you flip him and leave the apartment to get some air, away from Taehyung.

.  .  .  

At night you lie in your bed staring at the ceiling, while the conversation with Taehyung replay’s in your head, which effectively diminishes any chances of you getting any sleep. You toss and turn, even close your eyes and hope that you fall into slumber. But you don’t. Your mind is as wide awake as it can possibly be. So you throw the covers off yourself and go the living room, where once you enter you know Taehyung is.

You have half a mind to turn back around because you don’t want to see him, but then you realize it’s just as much your place as it is. You will be damned if you let Taehyung make you feel uncomfortable. It’s not so much pride as it is the implications behind what the discomfort means in this context.

“Shove over” you deadpan as you drag your feet across the floor.

Taehyung looks up from his spot and moves over, for once listening to you without arguing. You flop down on the couch and pull over the blanket he has laying on his legs. He rolls his eyes as he looks at you before complying and sharing the blanket with you.

“Were you missing me?” he begins in his usual teasing tone.

You sigh and close your eyes. You hoped for peace but with Kim Taehyung and you, it can never be peaceful. “Yeah” you say straight-faced as you fix your gaze on the TV.

It’s silent for a couple of seconds before Taehyung speaks. “You were? I missed you too!” he says in an excessively dramatic tone which is completely unnecessary. But you get the sarcasm behind it. You feel the mattress shift beside you and then a weight on your shoulders.

You look down to find Taehyung resting his head on your shoulder. “Eww. Get off me you perv” you shrug your shoulder in an attempt to get him away from you. One would think Taehyung would move but instead, he splay’s a leg across your torso and pins you between himself and the sofa.

“What the fuck are you doing?” you look down at him and try to get out his grasp but the man is way too strong.

“Will you shut up just for once?” he adjusts his head so it’s resting in the crook of your neck.

“Have you lost your mind? Get off me. Now” you start slapping his leg which is laying across you.

“Fine! You are so fucking uptight all the time. Won't even let a man cuddle” he complains and moves back to his side of the couch and you finally feel free enough to breathe.

Shaking the thought away you school your expression into a scowl. “Are you a fucking child?”

“No. But you sure act like a 70-year-old grandma, you douche” he returns the scowl. “No wonder you are going to die alone.” he huffs and pouts, which strikes you as extremely uncharacteristic. But it’s cute, you think.

Despite yourself, you giggle at his antics. It slowly but surely progresses towards a burst of full-bellied laughter, where you have tears in your eyes and a dull ache in the stomach.

“Did you just lose a screw?” his face contorts in confusion as he looks at you.

“No. But I think you just gained a few brain cells. That was a good one. 70 year old grandma” you repeat, feeling the laughter bubble in your stomach again.

While you are laughing, you can feel his eyes on you which suddenly makes you stop as you turn your head to look at him. You find that he is smiling a little-- it’s barely noticeable, but the distance at which you are sitting you can see it. It’s very subtle and he’s got that weird look in his eyes. The kind of look that sparkles in the eyes of people in love when they look at the person they love. “What?” you question and as soon as the word leaves your mouth that small hint of something so unlike him vanishes too.

“Nothing” he looks away, and clears his throat. “You look ugly when you laugh”

“Says the guy whose whole personality is disgusting” you roll your eyes.

He seems to revel in your insults, happy to see he’s still got what it takes to push your buttons as he smiles with a shake of his head. “You know you are an anomaly”

“Wow. Good job” you pat him on the head like he is a kid. “That is a big word” you snort and he swats your hand away.

“How do you hate someone as awesome as me?” he looks so pleased and full of himself as he praises himself.

“Awesome?” you look at him in ridicule. “No, you are narcissistic, inconsiderate, selfish, incapable of emotions, with grade A fuckboy tendencies and not to mention thoroughly unbearable”

“It’s not narcissism. It’s called being confident and loving yourself” he supplies unhelpfully. “Give it a try sometime. It’ll do wonders for your grade A boring and one-dimensional personality”

You scoff in disbelief. “You’re judging my character?  

“Give and take y/n. Don’t be so hypocritical” he turns to you, gives a lopsided grin before focusing his attention on the TV again.

You sit in silence, wondering why you even bother with him. “Why are you awake anyway at this time of night”

“Yuri is coming...” he looks at the watch “in 10 minutes”

“Who the fuck is Yuri?” you look at him puzzled

“A hot chick I met at the supermarket today. What can I say y/n, the ladies want me. Who am I to deny them the pleasure?” he winks

“I think I am going to be sick” you feel bile in your throat and it leaves a bad taste in your mouth. You know what is going to happen and you are not interested in being present at the apartment. So you get up from the comfortable spot on the couch and head towards your room to grab your phone. “I am leaving” you address Taehyung who is still focused on the TV, and grab a jacket from the mini closet.

“That’s a shame” he shakes his head in mock disappointment. “I was going to ask you to join. Three is always better than two”

Your nose scrunches in distaste and a sigh of exasperation leaves your mouth. “Ughh….. You are unbelievable”

“Where are you going to go at this time of the night?” he questions as you put on your jacket. You thought he would ask why you were leaving but maybe he did have the sense to understand social cues.

“Is that concern I hear in your voice Mr. Kim Taehyung?” you face him, eyes narrowed in curiosity and a small quivering grin at the corner of the lip.

“Pffft. No” he shakes his head vigorously and refuses to look at you. It is an awfully eager and defensive response in your opinion “I am not concerned about you. I was just wondering how long you planned to be out” his tone changes to a casual indifference.

“Whatever. I am leaving” you sigh and leave the apartment.

You take the elevator down towards the lobby where you end up bumping into a girl, probably no older than 20.

“Oh I am sorry” she mumbles with a shy voice

“It’s okay” you step out while she steps in. As you are about to turn the corner of the hallway into the main lobby you hear her call out.

“Excuse me, would you happen to know Kim Taehyung?” she questions with a tight-lipped smile

“8th floor, apartment 809” you smile and nod at her before bidding goodbye.

“Yuri” you mumble and shake your head as you step out of the building and into the chilly night. Inhaling the crisp air, your breath frosts in front of you as you exhale. You don’t know where you are going to go or what you are going to do because it’s 11:30 at night and everything is closed.

So you decide that the safest option is to hang around in the compound of the building by the fountain. Crickets chirp somewhere in the distance and you can hear vehicles passing on the bridge nearby. You find an empty bench by the fountain and clean it before taking a seat on it. The cold of the wood immediately makes you shudder but you disregard and open your phone to scroll through Instagram. You regret not bringing your beanie because your head feels exceptionally cold causing chills through your body.You shiver slightly as the cool breeze makes contact with your face. Sniffling, you focus back on your phone, scrolling through your feed liking random pictures here and there.

You jump when your phone blares against the silence of the night. Flashing on the screen is ‘Taehyung’, which causes your brows to knit together in confusion. Why the hell would he call you?

Swiping the pad of your thumb against the screen you pick up his call. “What,” you say monotonously, making sure the disinterest and annoyance carry through.

“Uhh… sorry. I must have called you by accident” he pauses, and you can hear his breathing on the other end. “Uhhh…ummm” he begins again, his tone conveying a kind of uncertainty you have never felt from him before. “Yoongi” there is a slight pause again. “ Yeah. Yoongi-- he texted me. He was asking where you were. So… umm-- what should I tell him?”

Your eyebrows furrow in confusion further. “He messaged you instead of calling me directly?”

You hear him sigh heavily. “Look, I don't know about all that” he sounds annoyed.

“I am on the benches by the fountain” you give in, not wanting to annoy him further which would, in turn, piss you off if he says something out of frustration. So, just for the sake of avoiding an argument, you tell him. Although, it still doesn’t make sense as to why Yoongi would text Taehyung instead of you.

“Oh ok” and then he abruptly hangs up. Retracting the phone from your ear you look at it confusion.

“What the…” you mutter to yourself, unable to comprehend whatever just happened because isn’t he supposed to be with Yuri doing whatever they are supposed to? But then again everything involving Taehyung is always confusing anyway. So, you overlook this incident attributing it as always to Taehyung’s weirdness. You continue to scroll through your phone when your gaze falls at the top of the screen.

The clock reads 11:45 pm.

It’s only been 15 minutes which comes as a surprise because somehow it felt longer. Probably because it is cold and you really want to go back inside. But how can you? He’s in the apartment doing stuff and you have no interest in being privy to the happenings of his life. You suppose you could have stayed in the apartment and plug your ears or something, but you know you would have felt restless still because just knowing what was happening would make you uncomfortable.

“It’s not at all creepy that you are sitting here in the middle of the night” someone speaks causing you to abandon your phone and shift your attention to the owner of the unknown voice.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” you are surprised to find none other than Taehyung approaching the bench. He’s wearing a black coat and a beanie which weirdly enough makes him look... okay. If you weren’t so adamant on hating him you would have admitted to yourself that he actually looked good-- tall, lean, and handsome.

He throws something and it falls in your lap as he takes a seat next to you. Picking up the object you realize that it is your favourite beanie. You blink rapidly as your eyes shift from the beanie and back to the man sitting next to you. You don’t even know how he knew where to find it but you don’t want to argue because for once he has done something for someone else and you don’t want to malign his considerate intentions.

“Why are you here again? Don’t you have somewhere to be right now?” you question as you put on the hat, immediately feeling a sense of relief as the cold is replaced by warmth.

“I am quick” he says in a smug fashion with a shit eating grin on his face.

“Gross” you look away and focus on your phone again.

As much as you hate him, it’s never weird just sitting in silence with him. It’s comfortable in fact because it’s the only thing you can happily share with him. Everything else always leads to an argument. In its own way that's special because being comfortable through a silence reflects the solidity of any relationship. In your case, it’s the hate you share with him.

“Don’t you ever want that?” he questions, his voice sounding awfully raspy due to the cold. Somehow to your ears, it sounds cute, but you don’t have much time to dwell on that because your eyes fall upon the couple passing by, hand in hand with sickeningly wide smiles on their faces, and fond laughter between them.

“No,” you say straight-faced as you watch them kiss each other. Suddenly you remember the night Taehyung kissed you when you asked him to. The embarrassment comes rushing back, and so does the shame. You blink and look away, focusing on your lap.

“Thinking about when I kissed you?” he nudges which draws your attention to him and you see that same smug smile on his face.

“Ew!” you face contorts in disgust as you stare at him in ridicule. “No” you shuffle away from him so that you are almost at the edge of the bench.

“Your face is completely red and something tells me it’s not because of the weather” he grins satisfactorily. “Don’t tell me that the last time you were kissed was when I kissed you” he gapes at you wide-eyed.

Your eyes drift away from him, too embarrassed at having been caught. “That wasn’t even a kiss” you try to distract him, hoping he would let it go.

“Why? You want to try again?” his eyebrows quirk upwards in question.

“No. I have had better” you inform him nonchalantly, taking satisfaction in the fact that his ego must be hit hard.

“Sure. You tell yourself that if it helps you sleep at night” he’s still cocky despite it all. There really is no hope for Kim Taehyung.

“Why are you really here Taehyung?” you look at the man next to you, regarding him with curiosity. You know him enough to know that he won’t be out here without any reason. He would never, leave a girl alone in the apartment. But most of all he would never miss a chance to fuck. If he did, he wouldn’t be Kim Taehyung anymore.

“I don’t know. I am stumped myself” he chuckles with eyes closed as he rests his head against the back of the bench.

“You are a lot of things, but you are not a liar Kim Taehyung” you counter at which point he opens his eyes and turns to look at you. Upon feeling his eyes on yourself, you turn to look at him too. He just stares at you, his eyes reflecting your image. There is a solemn look in them as he considers you-- tries his best to memorize your face as it looks in the moment: red nose, pale skin, flushed cheeks, rosy lips, captivating eyes.

“You’re pretty” it’s two words spoken in a muted tone. Two words which should not affect you but they do. It’s only two words, as simple as any other but when Taehyung says them to you they are not.

You watch as he takes in your face, eyes never resting in one place. And then a soft, subtle smile grows on his lips. It doesn’t quite reach his eyes, yet the corners crinkle-- it’s fond and warm. Almost.

You clear your throat and try to collect your thoughts. “Wow. You get disgustingly sappy at--” you turn on your phone to look at the time. “12:00 am in the morning”

“Haven’t you heard, honey? 12 am is the time of romantics” Taehyung shrugs casually, exuding confidence in his words despite making them up on the spot.

“Romantics? Sorry, you mean to tell me that you are a romantic at heart?” your eyebrows curve upwards in question “Do you even have a heart?” you mutter under your breath as you look away.

You hear him snort at your comment, a small smile quivering at the edge of your lip for some reason as well. “I am very romantic as matter of fact” he turns to his phone, swipes a few times and then you hear music. It’s calming, soft, melodious and it blends in perfectly with the chilly atmosphere and the starry night. The musical notes flow through the air, complementing the accompanying vastness of the silence that surrounds you.

“So listening to sappy songs makes you a romantic?” you fold your arms across your chest as you look at him, filled with curiosity and interest.

“Open your mind y/n. For once in your life be spontaneous” he extends a hand in your direction. You gape at him, eyes travelling from his hand to his face, unable to grasp just what the hell is going on. “Dance with me” he asks, hand still in the air in front of you, waiting for your answer.

“Are you crazy?” you chuckle in disbelief.

“Come on y/n. One dance. That’s all” he tries to coax you out of your stubbornness. His eyes bore into yours, gaze held fiercely strong which causes your heart to skip a beat. “Please” his voice is at the edge of a whisper, his eyes conveying sincerity you have never seen before. It’s Kim Taehyung alright. But it’s not. Even though the face is the same, his mannerisms are suddenly different. He’s softer, gentler in the way he looks at you, more considerate as he asks for your permission. The more you look at him the more you feel like you can tolerate him, at least the way he is in that moment. You don’t want to ruin the one time he acts like a normal man would, so you place your hand in his.

Wordlessly, he helps you to your feet. His one hand entwines with yours, his grip firm and strong. The other hand encircles around your back and rests comfortably on your waist, almost like it was meant to all along. His hand is warm, the flesh of his palm soft against your own. His grip around you is not tight the way it was that night. It is much more gentle and soft as if he is okay with the distance between you. You place your other hand on his shoulder.

“I have never danced before” you look him in the eyes

“I won’t let you fall. I promise” his voice is low and soft, almost an octave lower than it usually is.

You begin swaying to the music with Taehyung leading you. You circle around the fountain once, your footsteps in perfect sync. Then he raises your hand up, giving you enough space to twirl under his finger once before he reigns you back into himself by reaching around your waist. You giggle like a school- girl.

“It’s easy isn’t it?” he grins as he twirls you once more and brings you back in.

“I didn’t know you could dance” you mean it as a compliment but you are never going to say he’s good. You don’t want his oversized ego to inflate anymore.

“I didn’t know you knew how to have fun” he smiles at you softly. As you move together in perfect harmony, your hearts beat perfectly in sync too. You move together as if you are in a dream. His eyes rest on you, yet still, he knows where to take you. You can’t look away from him because when he is like this-- he’s beautiful. When he’s not smirking or running his mouth unnecessarily, when his eyes sparkle and glisten with stars, when his voice is full of an untold sincerity, when he holds you close -- not just to prove anything-- Kim Taehyung is marginally bearable.

A sense of calm washes over you something you thought previously impossible, especially when with Taehyung. The way his hand is curled around your waist makes you feel secure like he meant he won't let you fall. It holds the promise of safety. So you decide to let go a little. Let all your worries, and inhibitions fade away with each step you take with him. You allow him to take you anywhere he pleases. If he goes right, you go right. If he speeds up, you speed up. Every movement, every touch feels like it’s planned in advance and nothing feels forced. You feel like you are floating through the air because that’s how light he is on his feet.

He lets go of your waist, as only your hand rests in his. He steps to the side and then brings you back in with a sort of harshness which allows your body to slam into his. But he is quick to stabilize you on your feet as his hand comes back to circle around your waist. Your hand instinctively wraps around his neck, while the other stays intertwined with this right. Then he is back to swaying you lightly to the sound of the music which you had forgotten about because of how immersed you allowed yourself to be.

When it abruptly ends, you feel a loss of warmth the source of which does not stem from your clothes or accessories. No, it is Taehyung. When his hand slips out of yours, it leaves something to be desired.

“You aren’t too bad yourself y/n” Taehyung comments, eyes lingering on your face, and a small curve of his lips upwards into a smile. This time there is no sneering, no cocky smirk, no smugness. It is genuine, something you don’t usually expect from him.

“I had a good lead to follow” you return his smile and begin walking back to the building because you can’t bear the cold anymore. Whether the girl Yuri is in the apartment, whether she isn’t you don’t care. Because Taehyung managed to relax you enough to make you want to fall asleep.

“Wait” he gapes as you pass by him and simultaneously rests a hand on his chest. “Are you complimenting me? Is y/n really complimenting me?” you hear him as you walk away.

“Don’t let it get your head, Kim” you call out without looking back at him and let yourself smile because he can’t see it. A second later you hear his footsteps behind you, but he never falls in step beside you. You look back from the corner of your eyes, a soft grin falling through your lips as you see him walking with hands behind his back, whistling the tune to the song you danced to.

Unbeknownst to you, he’s got a similar smile on his face as he watches you lead the way.

Maybe Kim Taehyung isn’t so hopeless after all.

.  .  .  

Your phone chimes early in the morning, disturbing your sleep. You groan and ignore the sound but moments later it dings again as some notifications pops on the screen. You whine and cover your ears but it chimes again. Croaking your eyes open you reach for your phone and turn it on. The light blinds you initially as you take your time to adjust to it. On the screen there are a bunch of messages.

You read the word reunion in one of the texts and swipe with the pad of your thumb.

You have been added to the group chat : Reunion.

You scroll through the messages and find most of your old classmates in the chat. Some names bring up fond memories and some make you want to throw your phone across the room.

While you are in the midst of reading a notification pops at the top of the screen. It is an e-invite to the Reunion. You click on it and it leads you to a webpage with a large banner stating “Reunion 2018”. Scrolling down you see the invite.

You are invited to the 10-year reunion of ________ school.

At Riviera Resort

12970 80th avenue, JHX 4H7

December 29, 2018

7:00 pm

RSVP: Single ticket __

Plus one __

You stare at the page, particularly at the RSVP part. The more you stare at it the more your realize how much things have changed since high school. You are not the same person you used to be and just thinking about it makes you feel nostalgic. Then your mind drifts to how your classmates must be doing. Are they married? Are they leading successful and fulfilled lives? Are they happy in a way that you aren’t or in a way that you have missed out on? All these thoughts deflate your spirits but at the same time raise an urgent curiosity, so you exit the webpage and check out the profiles of all the people in the chat.

Some are married, some engaged or in relationships, others have kids, while some have successful careers or are busy enjoying their life. You scroll through several pictures and realize that you haven’t achieved all your goals. You are still in the midst of launching your own career, have no relationship, neither any good prospects for a successful romance nor are there any kids in your future.

All it does for your self-esteem is bring it down. You should have just exited and not looked back at it. But you can't escape your nature as human and so you fall into the vicious circle of comparing your life to the pictures you see. A sudden realization dawns upon you that the picture in your head never became real and somewhere along the way you forgot all the things you wanted. Sighing heavily you close your phone, hearing the click sound of the lock and along with it the person you remembered you used to be.

You decide there is no point in wallowing in misery, and you so get ready to start the day fresh. It’s a Sunday and despite the cold, the sun is shining bright and you take that as a cue from the world to move on from your morbid thoughts. As you are about to leave your room, you suddenly remember Yuri and Taehyung, but somehow it ends up leaving a bad taste in your mouth. Since Taehyung’s room is right next to you, you lean around the door of your room and make sure the door of his room isn’t open and it’s safe for you to do your thing.

It’s shut alright and you don’t even want to think about what would have happened last night once you came back. Somehow just thinking about it makes you feel used because with you Taehyung was different. He was soft and unlike anything you have seen before. But if he came back and spent the night with Yuri, it seems so wrong and almost hurtful. You don’t know why you feel this way, but you can’t run away from it. You have had plenty of experience trying to run away from your feelings only to have them catch up to you.

Tiptoeing to the kitchen, you begin making coffee for yourself. You try to be as quiet as possible because you don’t really want to see Taehyung nor that girl or anything that would give away hints of the night they spent. You wait for the coffee maker and as you do your phone vibrates. It’s a message yet again from the reunion group. Disinterested, you put your phone back in the pocket of your jeans.

You begin to feel gloomy again as your mind drifts to the happy pictures of your classmates, living life, having fun. Somehow it makes you feel like a failure and even just the prospect of attending the reunion fills you with dread. How are you supposed to match up to the lives of all these people who seem so happy and fulfilled?

“If I knew, me not being around made you so sad, I would have stayed by your side 24/7” Taehyung enters the kitchen, showered and fully dressed.

You blink out of your trance and look up at him. He’s wearing a dress shirt and pants which weirdly enough suits him. “What?” you question having previously missed whatever he said because you were too busy having a pity party for yourself.

“Why so sad?” he asks as he reaches around you and grabs a cup, coming way too close in the process. He lingers in front of you before he pulls back and pours himself coffee.

“Make your own. Where is your girlfriend anyway?” you snatch the pot from his hand

“Petty much? She’s not my girlfriend and she left early morning” he takes it back and pours himself coffee.

“Whatever” you sigh too tired to argue and brush past him and take a seat on the kitchen island.

His brows knit together in confusion as he notices your despaired state. He follows you to the island and takes a seat next to you, carefully observing the way your eyes don’t light up, or how you aren’t arguing despite him not listening to you, or how you there has been a slight frown in the middle of your forehead since he’s been there.

“What's wrong?” he questions again hoping you answer.

“Nothing” you brush him off with a small mumble.

“You are not a very good liar y/n” he pushes on as he takes a sip of the coffee.

“Why do you care anyway?” you finally look up at him from your aimless stare on the counter

He shrugs. “Because I do, whether you like it or not. I do care”

You regard him a moment as you consider telling him. But then you can imagine how he’ll laugh at you and mock you. Or how he will pick apart the fact that you aren’t in a relationship and use that against you. You can clearly see that cocky, ugly smirk on his face as he doesn’t give up the opportunity to taunt you and make fun of you. How can you tell him?

“Forget about it” you look away and stand up.

Before you can move, however, he tugs you by the wrist and forces you to sit down. Your eyes widen in surprise as you look at him confused.

As if he knows what you are about to ask him, he responds. “Sit, and tell me what’s going on with you?” he insists, and there is a certain look of determination in his eyes as he studies you. You don’t think you have ever seen him look so serious. There is a genuineness in his words like he really does want to know.

“Fine. There is a high school reunion that I am invited to and I don’t want to go” you hope it suffices. Besides, knowing Taehyung he probably wouldn’t dig deeper anyway.

There is a moment of silence as he considers you, and you can tell he’s looking at you because out of the corner of your eyes you can see. A part of you is completely shocked at the sudden change in his behaviour. You don’t want to admit it but he’s acting very mature considering how he usually is.

“Liar. That’s not it. If that was the whole reason, you wouldn’t have this frown etched into your skull” he then proceeds to put his index finger between your eyebrows. You grasp his finger and pull it away from your forehead.

It’s is uncharacteristically observant of him. You gape at him in shock with an eyebrow raised, and mouth slightly open. You don’t think you have ever seen this weirdly smart side of him. You always pegged him for someone who is emotionally blind, given his aversion to serious relationships. Despite that though, he’s able to see through you. You don’t know whether to pat him on the back or sock him in the face since he is the one person you don’t have to worry about hiding things from. Usually, he’s either not interested or too dumb to figure it out.

You decide to remain quiet and not give into further interrogation from him. Your eyes drift to your phone as once again it vibrates, surely with some other notification of the reunion you are not interested in. You sigh and place your head against the cold of the island counter.

Noticing your reaction, Taehyung grasps at your phone and turns it on, coming face to face with the reunion notifications.

“You’re having a high school reunion?” you hear him and immediately lift your head to look at him, only to find your phone in his hand and his attention on the screen. You snatch it from his hands.

“I didn’t say you could--”

“Could it be that this reunion thing is bothering you?” he cuts you off, not letting you sway him away from the subject under the pretense of starting an argument.

“Why… why-- why would that bother me?” you stutter helplessly and look away.

“I don’t know you tell me” he stays persistent on the course of finding out why you are bothered.

“That is not what is bothering me” you huff in exasperation.

“Ah ha! So you do admit something is bothering you” his face lights up in realization and a grin of victory stretches across his lips.

“Jesus Christ” you mumble under your breath as you decide to give up and out the truth to him. You really don’t want to spend all day with him pestering you with questions only leading to more arguments which you really don’t have the energy for. “Fine” you look at him and shake your head at how unbelievably persistent he is. “Yes, there is a reunion and I don’t want to go”

“You told me that. But why don’t you want to go?” he leans into the palm of his hand, elbow planted firmly on the counter surface.

“Because everyone is happy. They are all either parents, married, in relationships, or living very successful lives. I don’t fit into any of that Taehyung. I don’t have any of those” you look down in defeat, feeling too embarrassed, and half expecting him to burst into laughter.

Silence befalls, and you anticipate the mocking to begin at any moment.

“So?” he shrugs, the short response making you look up at him while he straightens in his seat. “So what if you aren’t married, or in a relationship? Who cares y/n? Your life is your own and theirs is theirs. You are different people, on very different paths toward very different endings. You can never be them and they can never be you. No one can ever be you y/n” his voice is soft and calming, which makes your heart race. “There is only one of you in this world. Just one. Literally, you are one in a billion and you should own it. Fuck all that crap” he pauses and something stirs in you. It’s deep in your bones, and in your nerves-- a kind of overwhelming feeling of realization.

“Babygirl, you are perfect just the way you are. You are irreplaceable, incomparable because you are you. You are smart, sexy, funny, kind, considerate, compassionate. Do you get that? Do you even know that when you walk into a room you turn heads? Do you know that my friends have asked me for your number so many times? The girls I have been with always worry you’ll steal me ” the corners of his lips curve up in a soft smile that makes his eyes sparkle and the corners crinkle.

Your heart pounds in your chest, blood rushes to your cheeks and your head spins. Something snaps inside of you-- a knot of built up emotions in your chest-- and it floods through you, filling you with an immense sense of gratitude and love-- whether for Kim Taehyung or his words-- you don’t know.

You don’t know what it is that makes you do it. Whether it was his pep talk, the butterflies in your stomach, or just the fact that you might be losing your mind, but you decide “fuck it” and you kiss him. It’s a small peck on the lips.

As you pull away, your conscience kicks in and you realize what you have just done. It’s too late to turn away and be embarrassed. It’s done and when you find the strength to glance at Taehyung you see that’s his cheeks are slightly tinted a shade of red. The fact that he’s silent is more discomforting than if he were to say something because then at least you would know.

You watch as the edge of his lip quivers and he bites down on it and suppresses the smile that could have been. He looks at you just as you look at him, silence the only company between you. He blinks and nods.

“Okay. Let's get you a dress befitting for a princess” he announces abruptly, tugging your hand as he leads you god knows where,  not really providing you with a chance to protest.

.  .  .

“Gucci?!” you stare at him partly in awe and partly in ridicule. “I don’t think my bank account can handle that blow” you shake your head and turn around promptly, beginning your march in the opposite direction when he places a hand on your shoulder and spins you around.

“Relax will you? Who said anything about your money” he looks deep into your eyes trying to calm you down.

You look at him in confusion before it clicks. Your eyes widen and mouth opens wide as you stare at him in shock. “No way, You are not paying for it” you vigorously shake your head.

“Don’t flatter yourself that much. I don’t like you enough to spend money on Gucci for you” and he’s back again. The Taehyung you know and love to hate so much.

“Then why….”

“I have a friend who manages this store and he owes me” he shrugs and forces you to walk beside him by tugging on your wrist.

“You’re seriously going to spend a favour he owes you to buy me a dress? I didn’t even say I was going by the way” you remind him and he looks over his shoulder at you.

“Oh you are going and you are going to be the prettiest there. Besides, having me beside you will increase your worth by millions” he clicks his tongue.

“You? Who said you could come?” you scoff

“You aren’t that inconsiderate y/n. I know you. You would have asked me anyway” he winks

“You wish. I was going to ask Yoongi” you roll your eyes

“He’s at work and I know you don’t have anyone else for a plus one” he winks as he drags you into the store.

“How did you know about the plus one?” you eyes widen in surprise.

“You said people are married and in relationships. So obviously people will want to bring their families” he shakes his head like it’s the most obvious thing.

“Holy fuck…” you mumble. “Who are you? And what have you done with Kim Taehyung?” you gape at him in shock. Since when did he get so smart?

“Drama queen” he chuckles and brings you to the front counter.

A man dressed in a black suit with silver hair just like Taehyung stands behind the counter as he helps a woman carrying about 15 pieces of clothing on her. You feel like you stick out like a sore thumb in the store. The clothes in the whole store cost more than your life, and more than the amount of money that your parents spend raising you and thereafter that you spent on yourself.

“Long time no see, Jimin” Taehyung greets and Jimin immediately turns to face him a bright smile stretching across his lips.

“You too brother” they both shake hands and somehow standing there with Taehyung you can’t help but feel like his girlfriend. You know you aren’t but something about the whole situation makes you feel like that.

“This must be your girlfriend” Jimin turns to you as he stretches his hand towards you. You shake his hand and look at hi  in shock but before you can interrupt and clear his misconception that you are a couple, Taehyung intervenes.

“Something like that. Right y/n?” he says and you can’t tell if he is serious or joking. At a loss for words, all you can do is remain silent and busy yourself in looking around because suddenly Taehyung makes you feel too nervous.

“So, how can I help you?” Jimin is quick to come to the point and avoid small talk. Bless his heart.

“Remember that bet you lost and how you owe me?” Taehyung questions

“Vaguely” Jimin nods slowly

“Well, I need you to find me the prettiest dress you have in this store” he puts forth

“I think I know what you’re looking for” Jimin’s eyes sparkle with excitement as he leads you further into the store. You stop in the trial section, the setup of which reminds you of bridal shops, with a small couch, and a mirror. “One moment” he excuses himself and disappears in the back of the store.

A moment later he is approaching you with the prettiest dress you have ever laid your eyes on. It’s a gold, boat neck dress, with a cinched waist, decorated all over with sequined latticework and floral appliques.

“Oh my god” your jaw drops as you are unable to contain the awe the dress inspires in you.

“I am scared to touch it” you mutter as you gape at the dress filled with delight.

“Touch it? You’re going to wear it” Jimin smiles at you brightly and you can’t help but clap a hand on your mouth to prevent any major squealing.

“Kimberly” Jimin calls over a woman, probably no more than in her 20’s. “Could you help this lady into the gown please” he hands it over to her and she shuffles in one of the dressing rooms.

As soon as the fabric touches your bare skin, you feel like you are transported to cloud nine. It’s softer than anything you have ever felt, more luxurious than anything you have laid eyes on. You carefully tug the neckline over your head, making sure not to rip the dress, or you might just cry. It falls gracefully to the floor, and Kimberly helps zip it up for you in the back.

Looking at yourself in the mirror you don’t recognize the reflection staring back. It certainly doesn’t feel like you. You feel like a totally different person as if you are worth millions. Just by the virtue of wearing something expensive, certain confidence instills in you.

Something about going out in front of Taehyung looking like this makes you nervous.You only allow yourself a moment of weakness before you inhale deeply.  A dress like this deserves a confident owner so you straighten your shoulders and walk outside where Jimin and Taehyung await.

Too immersed in their conversation they don’t notice you. You cough to catch their attention. When he hears the sound, Taehyung turns to face you.

You wait in anticipation for his reaction, not even sure why it means so much to you. As soon as his eyes fall on you, you begin to feel nervous, immediately feeling the need to hide. He scrutinizes, eyes travelling all over your figure.

“Holy fuck….” his jaw drops, eyes wide twice the size as if they’ll pop out at any moment. “Wow. You look beautiful” he sounds breathless, which makes you smile.

“Are you sure?” you ask warily, not sure if he’s being honest.

“You look gorgeous babygirl” he approaches you, stopping close as he rests his hands on your waist. “You are going to turn heads tonight, as always. You know that right?” he’s got that warm smile on his face-- the one that lovers share.

“I dont know…”

“This dress was made for you. It’s perfect. You look perfect” he insists not having any of your self-doubting talks.

You can’t help but smile at him, at how his eyes sparkle, at how the small smile on his face reaches his eyes, at the fond expression on his face. You head back into the dressing room and come out with the dress on your arm.

“How much is it?” you look at Jimin. You hadn’t thought of the price before and now suddenly the dress felt heavy on your arm.

“Don’t worry about it” Taehyung interjects. “I’ll settle it”

“I told you, you are not paying for it” you look at him sternly.

“Do you like it?” he questions instead, his eyes carefully surveying your face.

“Yes. I love it but--”

“That settles it then. We’re buying it” he whispers as Jimin takes the dress from you and rings you up.

“No way” you follow Jimin and Taehyung to the front counter and your heart drops at seeing the four digits on the screen. “You are not paying for it”

“Already did” he looks over his shoulder as you hear the beep of the machine.

Jimin hands Taehyung the bag and he turns and holds it for you take.

“Taehyung--” you start but he cuts you off.

“It’s worth it y/n” he’s got a look of sincerity in his eyes and a small smile on his face.

You don’t know what it is, but somehow , he is a changed man. Never did you imagine in a million years that Taehyung would act this way and for once leave you speechless and not because he’s got you furious at him. All you can do is look at him in wonder and try to figure out what about him has suddenly changed. Is it the smile on his face? Is it the way he looks at you-- or rather the fondness and adoration that decorates his eyes whenever he does look at you, is it his voice? Or is it how genuine and sincere his words sound when he talks? Whatever it is, all you know is that something has changed.

.  .  .

On the day of the reunion, you don’t see Taehyung all day long. You wonder if he’s ditched you and as the day goes along the feeling solidifies greatly in your heart. It’s like a stab, and it hurts. You don’t even want to think about him because it just makes you angry. It makes you want to fall on your bed and cry to your heart’s content. Because suddenly the thought of Taehyung with someone else, doing something else doesn’t sit well with you. You don’t want to think about where he is, and if he’s got another girl on his arm as he promises her the world, and his love even though he’ll never mean it. You don’t want to think about a Taehyung that is different from how you have seen him in the past few weeks.

The clock strikes 6 pm and still, there is no sign of Taehyung. You are supposed to be at the venue at 7 and a part of you just wants to leave because sitting on the couch with your dress and makeup on makes you feel like you’re being stood up. Because as you stubbornly wait for Taehyung to come, you know you have already lost this battle to him.

You tap your foot impatiently on the ground, turning to look at the clock on the wall. It’s 10 past 6 now and as you still wait for Taehyung, you can’t help but feel with certainty that he isn’t going to show up. That whatever promises he had made through his words as he made you feel beautiful, through his actions as he bought you the dress, it is all false. Contempt rises somewhere deep as you hate yourself for losing to him, for giving into his deceptively charming and sweet ways, for letting yourself feel something other than hate for him.

The lump of emotions that rose to your throat when you first thought Taehyung had ditched you, was still as present as ever, threatening to unravel with the promise of ruining your mascara and makeup. You glance at the clock again and your heart sinks further into your chest.

He’s not coming and with that conclusion, you rise from your spot, gather the dress around you, careful not to step on the seams because even if you have to go alone you are not going to let that ruin how beautiful you look. Even if you don’t have Taehyung’s reassuring and confident words to make you feel like a million bucks, you know you look pretty. You don’t need him to make you feel like anything. You’re enough on your own, for yourself.

You grab an overcoat to put on and are about to call a cab when you hear the front door open. With the click sound, your heart stops beating for one second and from the other side emerges none other than Kim Taehyung. You gawk at him, hardly able to believe that he’s there in front of you.

He’s clad in a black suit, with a white shirt underneath, clinging tight to his frame and a black tie to go along. His silver hair is parted in the middle, the fringes falling on either side of his forehead. He looks breathtaking and you have to gulp away the awe to prevent it from falling through your lips.

“Sorry I am late” he passes a mischevious grin

“I didn’t think--”

“I was coming” he finishes your sentence and takes a step closer to you. His eyes travel all over your body from top to bottom and then back up again as he takes in everything. “I didn’t think you could top how you looked in this dress the first time, but consider my mind changed. Y/n you look absolutely beautiful” he offers a genuine smile to go along with the compliment.

“Thank you” you murmur with a downcast gaze.

He hooks his fingers underneath your chin and makes you look up at him. “There is no looking down tonight baby girl. Only up”

Your heart skips a beat at how raspy his voice sounds and at how he’s looking at you-- with warmth and fondness in his eyes. It’s the look he has been giving you increasingly lately. “You look really handsome as well” you manage to croak the words despite how much he makes you want to hide somewhere out of sheer nervousness.

“I had to bring my A game if I was to compete with how stunning you look” he chuckles lightly as he lets go of you. “Which is why I am late. I had to look high and low for something that could compare to the glow you get wearing this dress”

Your lips curve up in a smile at the compliment. “Meh” you shrug “You look okay. You could have done better” you scrunch your nose for a second, in the way of teasing, a sly grin stretching across your lips as you do.

“Oh please. I look like a million bucks and I make you look like a million bucks too” he offers you his arm and you take it gladly.

But there is no denying that he does look good and there is also no refuting the fact that he does make you feel and look like a million bucks.

.  .  .

You should have known it would happen. And why not? After all, Kim fucking Taeyhyung was by your side looking nothing less than a King. So of course when you enter the resort all eyes come to rest on you and him. Mostly him though. But that doesn’t deter because for once people are looking at you-- in awe and wonder. The confidence that it instills in you is pleasurable, it’s almost a high that you have never experienced before. Is this what Taehyung feels like all the time? Because if that is so, it’s not so bad being the center of attention once in a while.

“They are staring” you keep your eyes ahead and mutter through a smile to Taehyung.

“Yes they are” he replies as he surveys the surroundings to confirm it. “They are staring at you. I told you, you turn heads when you walk into a room” he smiles at you fondly when you meet his eyes upon hearing him say it again.

“I don’t think it’s me. I think they are all looking at you” you reply as you look around

“You see that guy in the corner by the bar. He hasn’t stopped looking at you since we entered” he motions his heads in said direction and you follow his eyes. And he’s right, a guy is staring at you. “And that group of guys we just passed by, they are all looking at you. So are the girls on the table 3’o clock”

You look over your shoulder at the group of guys you just passed. You can feel their eyes on you and then you shift your attention to the girls he was talking about and accidentally make eye contact with one of them.

“Some want you while others want to be you. That’s what you do when you walk into a room y/n. Own it, be proud of it” he gently squeezes your hand which rests in his arm with his other hand.

“I would but I feel too anxious and dizzy” you say breathily, hardly able to handle all the eyes on yourself.

“It’s okay. You can lean on me” he says softly as he brings the arm he had offered you for your support to rest gently on your waist as he holds you close against him. You gulp, and even though your anxiety doesn’t fade away, you feel reassured him by your side. You feel like you can conquer the night with him.

“I doubt I can. You’ll go off running at the first sign of booze and girls” you chuckle. You are obviously kidding, but there is a slight part of you that is worried about the possibility of that happening. A month ago you wouldn’t have cared what he does. But now it matters-- a tiny, tiny bit.

“Not tonight. Tonight I am all yours” he smiles down at you.

“We’ll see how much you can resist your nature” you grin at him, hoping deep down that he keeps his word.

Taehyung leads you to an empty table and just as you are about to take a seat, you hear commotion behind you and what sounds a lot like your name being called out. Looking at Taehyung puzzled, you turn around and see Tiffany and Do Yeon approaching, your eyes widening in excitement.

“Oh my god!” you gasp and laugh as you meet them halfway and hug both of them, “It’s been way too long!” you squeal, as the three of you hug it out. Back in high school, Do Yeon, you and Tiffany used to be so close that people called you the three musketeers. They were your partners in crime, and nothing could have separated you. But then life happened and you all went to different universities or colleges which led to you drifting apart and eventually losing contact with each other.

It feels too nostalgic, and all memories come rushing back. The way you three would never shut up during class and Mr. Mckenzie your homeroom teacher would put you all in detention, making you arrange the classroom, help him carry his papers and do all sorts of mundane tasks. But with them it all became fun.

If you knew Do Yeon and Tiffany were coming you never would have worried about it. With Taehyung almost forgotten you gasp and look behind them to find two guys, awkwardly standing and watching the exchange.

“Are you going to introduce me?” you whisper to Tiffany and its as if she realizes she had come with someone.

“Y/n meet my husband Jay” she gestures to her husband. “And Jay this is y/n”

“Hi” you extend your hand in greeting and he shakes it firmly. “Pleasure to meet you” you smile at him.

“Hi I am Jang Hoon” the other male introduces himself.

“My husband” Do yeon says with pride and the weird glimmer in her eyes that reminds you of how Taehyung looks at you. And then you remember Taehyung. You turn around and motion for him to join you, suddenly excited for him to meet your friends.

“This is Taehyung” you look at Do Yeon and Tiffany. “My-”

“Boyfriend. Pleased to meet you” he chimes in out of nowhere, making your eyes widen twice their size as you gawk at him, while he shakes everyone’s hand.

“Oh my god y/n, he’s so hot” Do Yeon pulls you aside as she whispers that in your ear. You turn to look at her in shock. You blink repeatedly as you try to make sense of whatever the hell just happened.

“He’s not my--” you are about to tell her the truth when you feel a tap on your shoulder. Turning around you come face to face with Taehyung who has got a smile plastered on his lips. You can’t tell if he’s actually smiling or if he’s putting on a show.

“If it is okay with you, may I steal my beautiful girlfriend for just a moment”? he speaks as he takes your waist and asks Do Yeon for permission. You never imagined him to be a gentleman.

“Oh no. Please go ahead” she smiles at you. “We’ll be by the bar. Come once you are done. Lots to catch up on”

You nod at her and then turn to Taehyung. Before speaking you ensure no one is around. “What was that?”

“Before you kill me, just hear me out” he raises his hands in the air as he tries his best to calm you down. “I am not saying you have to agree with it, but don’t you think it will be weird if you introduce me as your roommate? If you want to, that’s up to you. But I thought it might be better if I say I am your boyfriend, just so you don’t have to deal with all the questions that come at gatherings for single people” he pauses, studying for face for signs of anger before he continues. “I just want you to enjoy the night and not have to worry about what you’ll tell people about why you’re you know..” he looks around to ensure no is eavesdropping.

You are kind of angry at him for being so spontaneous about it, but when you take a moment to think about it he is right. If you were to introduce him as your roommate it would be way too weird, because people usually don’t bring roommates to such gatherings. You can’t say he’s a friend because he’s not and calling him a friend just feels too out of the normal for what your relationship is with him.

Besides, what’s wrong about pretending to be fake dating for one night? Loads of single people probably do it right? Maybe you do need to be spontaneous and take more risks. It’s not like you are actually dating him. It’s just going to be an act and you haven’t been with someone for so long so this might come as a respite no matter how childish and unrealistic it is. What is the worst that could happen?

“Fine” you sigh. “Just for tonight”

“Okay” he nods, his stare lingering on your face for a few seconds before his hand slips into yours with so much ease it startles you. It doesn’t feel awkward. It doesn’t feel uncomfortable. It doesn’t feel forced or weird. It feels so natural it takes you a moment to adjust to that feeling. You know how cheesy it is, but it’s almost like his hand was made to fit yours. It’s so perfectly warm, and soft, and his hand mould’s around yours like it was meant to be there from the beginning.

You look at him questioningly, eyes travelling from your intertwined hands to his face. He gets the cue and opens his mouth to explain himself when you stop him.

“It’s an act. I know. It’s just-- it was sudden” you blink away, gulping the nervousness down your throat.

“Sorry” he gives your hand a little squeeze along with a soft smile, that still manages to reach his eyes. “Shall we go?”

“Yeah” you say rather breathily and then inhale deeply as you head towards the bar where Tiffany and Do Yeon are with their husbands. Somehow, thinking about them you feel like a cheat since Taehyung isn’t really your boyfriend. You don’t know what he is to you, but you are lying about whatever it is-- to yourself and to others.

“The lovebirds have arrived” Do Yeon announces with a teasing smile as you approach the table.

It ends up making you blush, and you duck your head so that the red on your cheeks isn’t visible to anyone. You feel Taehyung squeeze your hand gently, kind of like a reassurance that it’s okay. Even as you take your seats beside each other, Taehyung doesn’t let go of your hand, and a tiny smile begins to creep on you, and you have to pull your lip between your teeth to stop it from showing. It feels too right, too natural-- as if it’s supposed to be like this. Your heart doesn’t spare any mercy as you feel the rhythm reach your ears, vibrating, and the staccato that builds makes another rush of blood flood your cheeks.

“So, how did you guys meet?” Tiffany asks with a curious glint in her eyes as her and Do Yeon share a look between themselves.

For just a second you feel bad for lying to them and feel disappointed for yourself because none of it is real. It’s one fleeting moment, and as it passes by you can’t help but feel heartbroken.

You turn to Taehyung, eyes wide, full-blown panic setting in because you had not discussed what you would tell them. It was such an impromptu thing, you didn’t have time to prepare a story-- no, you didn’t have time to prepare any lies. Taehyung begins rubbing small circles on the back of your hand which helps you school your expression into something more neutral.

“Actually, my cousin Yoongi introduced us. I was looking for a place to live and Yoongi had a room available. So I decided I would live with them and then I met y/n when I went to see the apartment” he smiles at everyone on the table and nods. “That’s how we first met”

“Oh come on! That’s so bland” Do Yeon complains from beside you. “It can’t be that simple”

“N-no. That’s actually how we met, for real” you try to cover for Taehyung because it really is the truth. He didn’t make it up.

“Well, that’s not what we want to know. What I want to know is how you both realized you were in love with each other” Do Yeon’s eyebrows quirk upwards as she asks for all the juicy details of something that doesnt exist

Your eyes meet Taehyung, and you can almost see the wheels of his mind whirring to come up with something. He blinks a few times before looking back at Do Yeon with a polite smile.

“For me, it was a single, simple conversation. We were talking and she poured out her heart to me, and as I looked at her-- it hit me. I love her, I thought” he pauses to look at you. The only time you have ever poured your heart out to him was the day when you told him about the reunion and how insecure you felt about yourself. So, is he being sincere?

With eyes resting on your face he continues, his gaze unflinching “I can’t point to a single thing she said, but I remember thinking to myself, she’s got it all wrong” his voice is so soft you want to melt into a puddle of goo. “As I looked at her at the moment, and as I saw the frown on her forehead, the wild concern in her eyes, I couldn’t help but think she was the most beautifully fragile thing I have ever seen. It was like before that moment I hadn’t really felt anything in my entire life. But then in that one moment, as I was looking at her go on and on, I felt it all-- her sorrow, her pain, her joy, her fears, hopes, and dreams. It was like a realization of being alive” he breaks off.

You can’t look away because his words have you mesmerized once more. You can’t look away because you don’t want to lose the sight of the sincerity in his eyes. You feel your eyes getting glossy, your vision getting blurry because every single word of his touched your heart. A part of it is knowing that it’s all fake, and yet he’s touched your soul in a way no one has. It’s knowing that he’s just putting on an act-- a rather convincing act because even you believed him for a second.

You blink repeatedly to push back the tears because if you cry then it becomes real.

“Oh my god….” you hear Tiffany and as you look at her you see that her mouth is agape and there is a shine in her eyes and her voice is rough and shaky.

“Wow. you are a lucky girl y/n” Do Yeon chimes in as she looks at you with a bright smile like she is truly happy for you.

It’s all fake, you have to remind yourself.

“What about you y/n?” Jay asks as he leans in with interest, looking at you in anticipation.

“Dance” you nod as you look at everyone at the table, realizing how quick you answered, almost as if you were waiting for someone to ask. “It was when he asked me to dance with him, in the middle of the night outside in the cold weather. He pulled out his phone, played a song and asked me to dance. It was a simple gesture. It was just a dance, but when he held me I felt it. It wasn’t a spark” you shake your head as you turn to glance at Taehyung. “There was no electric feeling. It just felt right. But more than that it was when I looked at him-- when I saw his eyes that got me. He looked at me in a way all girls want to be looked at by a man-- like the whole world could crumble around us and he wouldn’t blink”

“ Oh god!” Do Yeon cries from beside Taehyung, as she claps a hand on her mouth.  

It takes your awareness a second to catch up, but when it does you realize everyone is looking at you. That he is looking at you, through you just as he has many times before.

“I love you y/n” he whispers softly his eyes locked on you

You hiccup unable to gather your thoughts, unable to gather yourself as you fall apart under the scrutiny of his gaze and under the sheer weight of his words. Utterly and thoroughly unable to speak because he’s got you caged in the palm of his hand, and you are so helpless that you can’t even blink without his permission.

There has never been a time in your life more confusing than this moment. There are words at the tip of your tongue, eager to be spoken. But you don’t know whether he is lying or if he is being honest. Despite how truly sincere he sounds and looks you can’t read him. He could just be putting on a show in which case if you say it back-- your feelings will make a fool out of you for believing him. But if he is truthful and if you don’t say it then you are cruel and heartless to refuse his passion and love for you.

So all you do is stare back at him, and hope that he gets the answer by looking into your eyes. You hope that somehow the desperation makes its way into your eyes and conveys itself to him. Your heart feels so heavy that you would rather it burst or stop beating altogether and spare you some mercy.

“Well, I don’t think it’s jumping the gun when I ask when is the wedding?” Tiffany squeals as she looks at you both expectantly.

“We’re working on that, aren’t we y/n?” Taehyung turns to you with a smile and your heart literally skips a beat.

“Y-yeah” you clear your throat. “Yeah we are”

“Of course! I’ve never seen any two people in love as much as you guys” Do Yeon cries, hand resting on her chest and an adoring smile on her face.

But you’re not in love. It’s just an act and suddenly you begin feeling suffocated. This is not how it should happen. Taehyung doesn’t even love you, he doesn’t even like you so why is that you suddenly expect him to? It’s only words, empty meaningless words that he has the ability thread together beautifully, so why does it make your heart heavy and your throat constrict? Why does any of this affect you?

A few weeks ago you couldn’t stand the sight of him and now you can’t seem to look away from him. What changed and why?

Unable to breathe, you excuse yourself and head out to the balcony that overlooks the entrance of the resort. The air is cold as it is fresh which comes as a respite for your lungs. You inhale and exhale deeply, feeling the air going into your lungs with a relief. You feel slightly dizzy as your hold tightens on the railing. You can hear the sound of cars on the nearby highway and you can see buildings upon building, with mountains towering over the scenery at some distance.

You barely have to time to catch your breath when you feel something around yourself and looking behind you, you find Taehyung as he takes off his suit jacket and puts it around your shoulders.

“Don’t catch a cold. I don’t want to be stuck taking care of you if you get sick” he smiles down at you, almost teasingly-- no bite, no snarkiness, no attitude in his tone.

You chuckle with a shake of your head. “You know you really got me in there. I almost thought you meant everything you were saying” you look up to meet his eyes.

“What about you? All that the world could crumble around us shit? I have never seen anyone swoon so hard as I did Do Yeon and Tiffany” he comments, further reminding you that it was just an act, not that you needed a reminder.

“Oh. Well, good job to the both of us” a rather disappointing smile curves at the corner of your lips.

“Yeah” he huffs through his nose hands coming to rest upon the railing just like yours.

You stand in silence as you stare straight ahead, your mind full of thoughts of how close he is standing, how good he looks, and the slight buzzing under your skin as a result of it. You are more wound up in your head than you are in the present moment. The silence that didn’t use to bother you, is too loud now. Too unbearable and suffocating. You could inhale all the air in the world and still feel breathless.

As if it couldn’t get worse, just then Taehyung turns you you, pull yous to him so that you face him, places his hand on your cheek and presses his lips to yours. Your mind numbs and so does your body. Kissing Taehyung doesn’t feel like fireworks. It feels like a long time coming like it’s something overdue just waiting to happen. It feels like it’s supposed to happen, like it’s really meant to happen. Kissing him feels like finding a missing piece of the puzzle that you have somehow unconsciously been searching for all your life. Sure, your heart is beating like crazy and your mind is rampant with all kinds of thoughts-- but that’s not all it feels like.

It feels like your heart, your body will explode at any moment. It feels like a beginning like the sunrise. It feels like home and comfort. It feels like this is what you are supposed to do for the next 50 years of your life and image of you and Taehyung growing old together flashes in your mind. It feels exactly right.

“Oops. Sorry” Do Yeon speaks from the balcony door.

Taehyung pulls back, with flushed cheeks and heavy breaths as do you. You realize then that he’s just acting. It was only a show for Do Yeon so she doesn’t suspect anything. It feels like a stab in the heart, a cruel twist that you did not foresee which makes it that much more unbearable.

“Nothing” you press your lips together in a smile, and it is the hardest thing you have ever had to do.

“We were all going to head to the restaurant downstairs. Do you guys want to join us?” she questions

You have half a mind to say you don’t want to because pretending to love him is too tiring, too heartbreaking, because somehow somewhere you know you aren’t pretending. But before you can deny the offer Taehyung is tugging on your hand and leading you out.

“We’re going?” you question as you have no choice but to follow him since he’s got a hold of you.

He stops and turns to face you. “You said one night. It’s not over yet, so let's go all the way” he looks at you expectingly with his eyes searching yours, silently pleading for you to agree.

“Why?” your voice breaks, and a lump of emotions rises to your throat, choking you, suffocating you so much so that you are afraid to say another word.

He’s silent as he just looks at you. His gaze falls downward for just a moment before he looks at you again. “Because tonight you love me and I love you”

You don’t know how to reply. It’s too confusing, too crazy to make sense of. You shouldn’t feel this way, he shouldn’t make you feel this way but at the end of the day, the truth is: he does. He’s tugging at your wrist again as he drags you behind him, not giving you a chance to give up nor giving you the opportunity to figure him out.

.  .  .

The dim lights of the restaurant give you the space you need to let a tear fall gently on your cheek. But before the waterworks can start you swallow your emotions away, suppressing to the depths of your heart and willing them to stay there because now is not the time to cry. Something tells you, you will have plenty of time for it later.

So you adjust your face, forcing a thin smile on your lips and you try to join into the conversation. Everyone is laughing, including Taehyung. But somehow his smile is so bright, and blinding that you can’t see anyone else on the table. He’s as clear as day beside you while everything and everyone else blurs into nothing. He’s laughing at something Jay is telling him but you can’t hear the words. All you can hear is Taehyung’s small giggles and laughter.  All you can see is the smile on his lips which unconsciously makes your lips curve into a smile as well.

Even though no one is looking, his hand gently comes to rest upon yours in your lap under the table. How he does it so easily, you don’t know. How he can just act like his hand is supposed to be there, you will never know.

“You love him don’t you?” Tiffany nudges your elbow from beside you.

A true actor is one with whom the audience cannot tell where the actor begins and the character ends. If you were a good actor, the answer would have been relatively easy-- a yes, since it wouldn’t have meant anything had you truly been acting. But you don’t say anything as you just smile at her and hope she sees in it whatever she wants to see and hear whatever answer she wants to hear from you.

“Y/n?” you hear your name which makes you look behind Tiffany and at

“Seokjin?” you exclaim as you look at him wide-eyed. “Kim Seokjin?” you chuckle in surprise as Taehyung turns his attention to you and the unknown man standing in front of you.

“It’s y/n’s high school boyfriend. Seokjin” Do Yeon leans in across the table and whispers to Taehyung. He nods and turns to look at you, at the way you are smiling and looking at Seokjin. He lifts his hand from yours and places it in his lap.

“They dated for 3 years starting in grade 10, but he had to move away for school” Do Yeon informs Taehyung, and he tears his eyes away from you and nods at her as he registers her words.

You stand up and give Seokjin a hug, remembering the moments in high school when you two were inseparable. It was an easier time, fewer complications.

“You still look the same as you did in high school” he smiles at you, the way he used to when you were dating him and it stirs something in you. Maybe it’s emotions associated with old memories, but it does feel good to see him after so long.

“You grew taller” you tease him

“You became more beautiful” the smile on his face still holds up.

From behind you, Tiffany clears her throat. “Long time no see Jinnie”

“You too Tiffany. Do Yeon” he nods at her

“This is Taehyung, y/n’s boyfriend” Do Yeon takes the initiative to introduce Taehyung to Seokjin.

Taehyung stands up, comes out of the seating area where you stand with Seokjin. He pulls you into himself as his hand rests on your waist. “Hi” he extends a hand towards Seokjin. “I am Kim Taehyung. Nice to meet you”

“Kim Seokjin” they shake hands. “You guys look good together” Jin compliments you, making a blush creep up on your cheeks.

“We get that a lot” Taehyung smiles at Seokjin, his hold tightening on your waist. But it’s not the kind of civil smile shared between two strangers. There is something different in the way he smiles at Jin-- almost like he’s being passive-aggressive like he is showing off.

“I am sure you do” Jin nods as he looks at you, unblinking.

Taehyung clears his throat and Seokjin looks from you to him. “Anyway” he claps his hands gently. “I should get going. My colleagues are waiting for me. We should meet up sometime y/n”

“Yeah sure” you nod and you both end up exchanging numbers.

With one last look at you and a nod at Taehyung, he turns around and disappears from your sight.

The rest of the time Taehyung doesn’t speak much and neither does he look at you.

The night finally comes to an end. You’re walking back to the car with Taehyung, hand in hand just for the sake of pretending. Neither of you lets go even after everyone has left and you’re standing by the car just staring at each other.

“Good job tonight” Taehyung comments as he sways your interlocked hands back and forth.

“You too” you force a lifeless smile on your face as you look away from him.

“So Seokjin huh” he brings it up and you can’t say you are surprised because you were expecting him to.

“Yeah. It was a long time ago” you sigh as your eyes stop on your hand in his, the feeling of butterflies coming back in your stomach.

“Are you going to meet him?” he questions as he looks at your hands as well, gently stroking the surface of your hand with his thumb.

“I have to” you whisper, keeping your gaze focused on your interlocked hands.

“No you don’t” he counters in an equally soft voice.

“How do you know?” you glance at him, stopping to only look at him because of how the moonlight gives his eyes a silver glow making him look more beautiful than before. It takes your breath away.

“Because you wouldn’t have looked away as you answered. I told you you are a bad liar y/n” he uses his free hand and rests it on your waist as he gently strokes the side of your body.

“Really?” you lean into him, slowly losing breath as he pulls you in closer. “What else have I lied about?” you urge him on, feeling the tingles inside of you making your brain feel hazy and making everything else but the feeling of skin against yours feel unimportant.

There is a moment of silence as he pulls you in closer, his forehead coming to rest against yours as you both breathe heavily. You cast your gaze down, as he plays with your fingers in his, the pads of his fingers running around your hand as you play a game of catch with each other.

“Tonight” he finally answers your question as he dips his head and presses his lips to yours. “Everything about tonight was a lie wasn’t it?” he mumbles against your lips with a raspy voice that makes your knees buckle. He gives a soft kiss again. “You lied didn’t you y/n?” he mumbles into your mouth as he gently nibbles on your bottom lip.

“No” you moan into his mouth, desperate to feel him against you. You push him back until he hits the side of the car. You rise to your tiptoes as you kiss him, but he pulls back with a teasing smile on his face. Your vision is hazy as you look at him, a feeling of intoxication filling you up. The sounds of your heavy breathing are all you hear. “I can’t take it anymore Taehyung” you plead as you use the lapels of his jacket to pull him down and press your lips against his in a firm kiss.

He places a hand behind your neck as he pulls you in further and deepens the kiss. You drink in this feeling of him against you as if you’ll never feel this way again. He pulls back for air and you notice his rosy cheeks.

“Ever since I have seen you in this dress, I’ve only thought of one thing” he breathes against your lips as he places nimble pecks on them.

“What?” you ask as your hold tightens on the lapels of his jacket.

“I want you. Just the way you look right now” he buries his nose in your hair, leaving tender kisses on your shoulder, and stroking your back up and down.

“Take me Taehyung” you whisper as your hands thread through his hair, gently tugging. “All of me. I am all yours. Please”

“Are you sure” he groans into your skin.

“Yes” you whisper against his ear.

He doesn’t hesitate for even a second as the answer leaves your lips.

.  .  .  

You are thankful that the drive home is only 5 minutes and as soon as you are back to the apart, you are slamming each other against walls, windows and furniture as you kiss each other’s faces off. Taehyung backs you into your bedroom without breaking the kiss and you both fall onto the mattress.

You tug on his suit jacket, taking it off and within the next few seconds, he’s naked and on top of you.

“You’re so beautiful” you rub your hands against his torso and pull him down for a hungry kiss.

“Not as much as you, he reaches behind your back and your arch up to give access to the zip. He hurriedly takes off your dress and pauses as he revels at the sight in front of him.

“You are so fucking beautiful y/n” he leans down to press a kiss against your lips, his fingers dancing across the bare skin of your waist, leaving goosebumps in their wake. “Do you want to stop?” he questions again as he pulls back to look at you.

“No. No. Don’t” you shake your head and pull him down again.

He whispers sweet nothings in your ear as he fucks you. The sound of skin against skin, the sound of his breathing, his low groans and soft moans make everything that was previously unbearable, a little bearable. The way he loves you in the present moment as if he’s never loved anyone like this before, it breaks everything in you. The way he tells you, you look beautiful, the way his hands dance across your body, the way his lips connect with your skin-- brings you to your high and he chases it down with his own.

And when everything is said and done and the moon is high in the sky and the night is as silent as ever, he pulls you into himself as he spoons and cuddles you while leaving soft kisses on your shoulder.

“Are you okay?” he questions because you are too quiet.

“Mhmm” you mumble as you play with his hand, refusing to let yourself part from the feeling of skin against yours. “Do you mind if I ask you something?” you question as you bring his hand to your lips and kiss the back of it.

“Anything, babygirl” he presses a soft kiss in the crook of your neck

“Was this different?” your heart beats uncontrollably fast

He’s silent as he plays with your hand and then sighs. “Look at me”

You have no choice but to turn around and face him. You can’t look in his eyes so you keep your gaze cast downward as you run a finger up and down his chest, just to calm yourself down. He stops your movements as he places a hand atop yours and brings your fingers to his lips, placing gentle kisses on the pad of each finger.

“You’re the best thing that has happened to me, baby” he hooks a finger under your chin and forces you to look at him. “I meant everything I said tonight and what we just shared was amazing. You were amazing. Please don’t compare yourself to anyone else because they can never be what you are to me” he leans down and presses a gentle kiss on your lips.

“Really?” you look at him, trying to figure out if he’s being sincere. But then you see his eyes and you know.

“I don’t know what love is y/n and I know we are not perfect people. We are flawed to the core, you and me. I don’t know where we are headed after this but if love is the feeling I get when I am with you then I love you” he presses a kiss to your forehead.

“I don’t know what love is either Kim Taehyung. But in this moment, I feel like I love you too” you press a gentle kiss at the corner of his mouth.

.  .  .  

2 years later

You and Taehyung are a complete mess as you bump into each other trying to find your clothes in a hurry. It turns out weddings are always a hectic time and not preparing well in advance always leads to chaos. So chaos it is in your apartment as both of you hurry from the bathroom to your room, to the closet as you try to get ready and be at the wedding in time. If you don’t get there on time there really is no point.

“Baby, did you see my wallet?” Taehyung pops into the frantically searching for his wallet and turning the bed you made two minutes ago upside down.

You glare at him. “I just made the bed and your wallet is on the dresser” you point to the dressing table sitting on top of which is his wallet.

He grabs his wallet, runs to the bathroom where you are getting ready and places a kiss on your cheek. “I am leaving okay? I ‘ll see you there. Can’t wait”

You put the finishing touches of your makeup on, and your phone rings. You pick it up, balancing it between your shoulder and your ear. “Hello?”

“Where the fuck are you guys?” you hear Yoongi’s frantic voice. “Where the hell is your boyfriend?”

“Taehyung just left and I am coming. I’ve got the wedding dress. Don’t worry. I’ll see you in a few okay?” you hang up hurriedly as you shove everything to one side of the counter, not having any time to clean it up. You run to the closet and grab the dress, making sure not to step on it.

You hurry down to the compound building, where Do Yeon is waiting in the car for you. You open the back door and lay the dress down on the back seat.

“Ready?” she asks as he puts in the gear and drives away.

You arrive at the venue, grab the dress and run inside the hotel almost tripping in the process. Taking the elevator to the 4th floor, you hurry to the end of the hall and knock on the door.

It opens to reveal Suran, Yoongi’s fiance and soon to be wife. “Oh thank god you are here!” she pulls you into the room. “Thank you for keeping the dress safe. If I had kept it at my place, Yoongi would have seen it” she huffs as he slips pit of the bathrobe she’s wearing. You help her put the dress on and then work on unrolling the curlers from her hair.

The door flings open while you are in the midst of it and Do Yeon enters. “You look beautiful Suran” she compliments as she takes a seat on the bed and waits. “Where is your beau y/n?” she questions.

“Doing his best man duties I am sure” you smile at her through the mirror

“Oh yeah! Are you guys excited?” Suran questions next

“About what?” you look at her in confusion as the lat curler comes off with relative ease.

“The wedding? You’re getting married in six months.. remember? “ she chuckles at the look of realization on your face.

“Oh yeah! We’re a mess. I don’t know how it’s going to work out. But we’ll get there” you smile fondly just thinking about it.

“Okay enough of the sappy stuff. We have 15 minutes left” Do Yeon looks at her watch.

“We’re done” you look at Suran one last time through the mirror to make sure she looks absolutely perfect. She gets up from the chair, gathering her trail behind her, as you hand her the flowers.

“Good luck. I have got to go” you kiss her on the cheek and leave for the ballroom on the first floor where the wedding is going to take place.

You arrive at the scene, to find Taehyung already standing in front of the entrance with his navy blue suit on. You stop beside him and place your arm in his.

“You look beautiful” he comments as you fix your dress.

“You could have done better” you chuckle as you place a small kiss on his cheek. “Kidding. You look handsome as always”

“Ready?” he questions as the door opens to reveal the hall full of guests who turn around to look at the best man and the maid of honour.

“Ready” you answer with the happiest smile on your face.

You walk down the aisle, arm in arm with a spring to your feet because six months from now you'll be walking towards him and towards a future, you had seen in your head when he had kissed you all those years ago during the reunion night.

He lets go of you as you both take your respective places. Suran enters and the wedding proceeds without any major hitches.

“I do” says Yoongi and you look at Taehyung. He's looking back at you with a smile that conveys so many emotions, and so many moments of anticipation of what’s to come.

“I do” says Suran and the smile on your face grows as your gaze is locked onto Taehyung.

The wedding ends on a happy note as everyone cheers for Yoongi and Suran as they walk down the aisle as husband and wife.

.  .  .

During the reception, as the first dance ends for the couple, everyone else joins in and the music of Suran and Yoongi’s song fades into a familiar melody.

“Will you dance with me?” Taehyung offers his hand.

You turn to look at him, realizing it’s the same song he had played that night two years when he had first asked you to dance with him. The night you had irrevocably fallen in love with him.

You slip your hand into his, as he leads you to the dance floor. He places his hand around your waist and you place your hand on his shoulder as you begin to sway to the music. It brings back memories of that night, and you are hit with a wave of nostalgic feelings. He leads you as he did that night, twirling you around and bringing you back in.

He looks exactly as he did that night-- full of love and adoration. He offers a small smile as he keeps his eyes locked onto yours, like the whole world around him is non-existent except you. As if all he can see is you.

He looks at you the way all girls want to be looked at by a man-- as if the whole world could crumble around you and he wouldn’t blink.

End.

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