#2nd of all as much as she and the doctor care for each other i think they both tend to fight a lot. esp in like. tense situations already

[rejenny]

i do think jenny could never be a long-term companion

[pakunod-a]

Abstained.

A/N: a repost from my old blog (@ayayabaroque) with a few tiny revisions, based on Kung 'Di Rin Lang Ikaw and Sa Ngalan Ng Pag-Ibig, both by December Avenue <3 Warnings: Sumeru Archon Quest spoilers, (Use of Scaramouche's real/given name) horrible English </3

If you aren’t the reason to love, would I stop my heart from getting hurt?

Kunikuzushi was beyond saving, he was impossible to love. His own creator abandoned him, his only friends left him, and being faced with his own immortality, he knows that you’ll leave him too.

You believe that though your flaws of mortality remain, you would do your best to stay by his side for eternity.

But as he drifts of into the company of another, a scholar by the name of Haypasia, you question if he is worth the trouble of loving.

“Scaramouche, it’s been only 2 days after your most recent visit to Haypasia, would it be possible to ask you of one thing?”

He merely scoffs, dismissing the idea of resting, if it meant showing affection to his most devoted follower.

It is a true wonder you haven’t left him yet, despite how inconsiderate he is towards your personal feelings.

If it isn’t you, then it won’t be at all, I won’t hope for us anymore.

The Doctor offered you revenge, wealth, and power, all you had to do was to betray Kunikuzushi.

But you couldn’t bring yourself to put him in a much more dire situation, thus you decline.

Yet do you truly feel this way about him?

“You never truly cared for me, Haypasia has been showing her dedication and devotion to me ever since she made contact with her new-found God.” 

Scaramouche seethes, venom spilling from his mouth

“If I were you, I’d do exactly as Haypasia, in hopes to win over my companion again.”

I’m shivering and I can’t move, my heart can’t force myself to love you anymore.

It proves true that the snow-ridden land of Snezhnaya is not suit to your tastes,

but if it means staying as far away as humanly possible from Scaramouche, you’d go through whatever length to ensure his happiness.

For Haypasia's happiness too, yet not yours.

If the frostbite and cold doesn’t take you, then may the fake god abrew in Sumeru take your life.

You once believed that you would take any step toward a brighter future for you and Kunikuzushi, but it seems near impossible to achieve that, if he is in the glory of another.

Do you truly love him now?

If it won’t be us in the end, I’ll stop myself from loving someone else.

“I vow to stay by your side for eternity, let the damned wake, and let the souls who mourn, do so with agony. I will shield you from the world and all it’s cruelty.” —yet you, who makes such sacrilegious promises, only to succumb to sheer cold, and a slight pang of jealousy toward his “first” follower.

If you couldn’t love another, you might as well die with the vows you’ve made to each other.

That way, when he succeeds in entering godhood, he won’t remember you anymore.

But if I don’t remember who we were, who’ll cry in the morn for us?

Before setting foot into Sumeru, you haven’t even heard of Irminsul.

Much less known that Irminsul contains the memories of everyone, which holds little to no regard from Scaramouche, until he caught wind of what recently happened after his downfall.

“They have been pronounced dead. I believe you have no use for them anyway, since Haypasia is your one and only follower, am I correct?”

Il Dottore, 2nd of the Harbingers, announcing your death to the former Harbinger has his mouth agape and speechless.

He descended into madness, believing that it was all his fault, his status, his arrogance, and his vile nature that caused your death.

Shortly after his defeat, he was assigned to carry out a task for Lesser Lord Kusanali and the Traveler.

Enter Irminsul and attempt to find more information on the Descenders of Teyvat. In his subconscious, his new-found information on the erasure of existence from the Traveler has his full attention. Perhaps, if he never met you, if he never tainted his self-image, you could live happily together with him in his next life. With the knowledge of Irminsul, he begins infiltrating its memories in hopes to have his soul reborn into your arms again. I’m letting go, since I can’t move anymore. But would I stop your heart to yearn for another? He succeeded in erasing The Balladeer’s existence of this world, but it was in vain. You couldn’t hang on to the tiny bit of life you have anymore, and withered away from his grasp. In all the years of his life, he has never experienced such grief in his life. His mind, though hazy, tries to cling on to what little memory he has of you in the back of his mind. Kunikuzushi was impressed to say the least, you really did love him, even if he wouldn’t love you anymore. At the cost of the recognition as a God, the price would be his only source of hope and warmth. “Until the end of our time,  until our hearts feel nothing anymore, even if forever ends, I’ll wait for you in the name of love.” - A/N: i wish that i too, can be erased by irminsul. that sucks. Stay safe, keep yourself hydrated, and continue on treading your path in life, with hopes of success. Believe in yourself, and stay positive. <3 -1, Yuan

[xkaidaxxxx]

Kuroo x Reader x Oikawa

Mentions: Breakup, Pregnancy, Nsfw, fluff

sorry for any errors

“Momo no sir! Get back here!” kuroo yelled, calling out to his dog and chasing him, while Momo was chasing you. Kuroo eventually managed to catch him by the leash and his collar. “I’m so sorry, miss. He’s not like this at all.” He said. When he looked at you he understood why Momo tried attacking you. You looked kind of like his ex-omega. “I can make it up to you. Let me take you out one day,” he said. You exchanged numbers and went about your day. You found out he was a famous volleyball sports promoter in the States and Japan. You liked how we kept in touch with you when he traveled with the team he was promoting. You and Kuroo dated for 2 years and a half. “ I can’t do this anymore y/n.I’m tired of you. It is about time I broke up with you. Sorry.” he spoke as he set a large box that contained things you had left at his house. You cried as you watched him leave. After 5 months he found himself a new omega. You wondered how he was able to move on so quickly. Before you broke up he had gotten his rut. He knotted you. Both of you had no idea. You were fucked stupid and he was out of control. You were both drunk on sex. “ Alpha! Do-Don’t stop! S’good. Ju-ah!” you said as he pounded you. He couldn’t control himself. You were fucked stupid. “Omega.” he groaned. You can feel him grow. He knotted you. The following month was when he dumped you and after another month, that's when the signs started showing you were pregnant. You called him and gave him the news. He refused to believe you. You called many times and every time he rejected the fact. You gave up and moved on with your life. You moved out of your apartment and stayed in the house your grandmother had left you. The pregnancy was difficult for the first 5 months, however, you stayed strong for your wonderful baby. You're a blessing. Oikawa came back from Argentina for a break. You told him about the baby and he helped you through the pregnancy. He helped with chores. Helped you when you wanted a bath. He went to every doctor's appointment. He even took care of the bills. You eventually wondered why he hasn’t gone back. He said he wanted an extended break. Truth is that he didn’t want to leave your side. During the pregnancy you fell in love with each other. He spread his pheromones around the house and on you. 

“It’s going to be okay, baby.” oikawa said holding your hand. You gripped it hard as you pushed. You were yelling and whimpering. He would wipe your sweat away and peck your forehead. “ Good baby. You’re doing amazing. I love you very much.” He continued.   “I..I can't go no more!” You said feeling like you might pass out. The nurses were getting everything ready for your baby boy to be born. “Yes you can love. You’ve got this.” he encouraged you with a smile on his face. “One last push. He’s almost out.” the doctor said. She’s so nice and patient. He released pheromones to calm you down as much as he could. You gave one last big push. You heard the baby’s cry. You smiled with everyone else in the room. “You did amazing baby, so great.” Oikawa said wiping your sweat away. You both suddenly kissed and felt instant relief. About 30 minutes later the nurses came back with baby Aoki and after a week you were finally allowed to go home. Time went on so fast. Aoki was 3 when Oikawa proposed to you. 

“I’ve been in love with you since our 2nd year of High school. I love you more than life. My beautiful omega. My y/n will you marry me?” he proposed with tears slipping. “I love you too! Y-yes!” you responded loudly. You kissed passionately. The wedding was big. He couldn’t believe he married the woman of his dreams. You marked each other during the honeymoon.(Aoki stayed with his grandparents).

2 months after you both decided to change Aoki’s last name to Oikawa since you gave him your last name when he was born. During Aoki’s birthday week you guys took him anywhere he wanted and bought him whatever he wanted. On the last day of his birthday week you all decided to go to the park and hangout. That day you all bumped into Kuroo. The exact same day,time and month you 1st met him. He walked over spreading his pheromones towards you. You were stressed,worried,nervous,scared and sad. Oikawa picked on it immediately. He quickly carried Aoki and walked over to you. You rubbed your bump. “Hey..It's been a long time.” Kuroo spoke to you. “Hey babe it’s time to go.” Oikawa said and helped you stand. Aoki grabbed his Mommy’s purse. “Yes it has.”you replied. Kuroo looked at his son. Aoki looked more like kuroo if you pay more attention to his facial features. “ Is he-” you interrupted him. “Yes.” you replied. You didn’t want to lose Aoki from him. Kuroo noticed your bump. He was sure you must know the gender. You’re having another boy. “I’d like to see him more. He’s mine as well.” He said to you, Aoki’s was placed in this carseat and got buckled up by Oikawa. “You haven’t been here for 4 years. Fuck off Kuroo. You’re a piece of shit.” You responded. 

A week later Kuroo was standing at your door with a lawyer and a cop. “ I have the right to be with my son,” he spoke. The lawyer handed you a folder. Oikawa took them instead. “I’ll see you in court.” he said and left. You started crying. “ Hey, better together, remember. We have to stay strong.” Oikawa held you. Thank goodness Aoki was in his nap time. Otherwise you’d probably lose your mind if he witness what just happened. 

You and Oikawa got yourselves a great lawyer. 

“ This is my decision. Mr. Kuro Tetsuro is allowed to see his son 3 times out of the week. He’s required to pay 7k as child support since you don’t work. Case closed.” the judge said and left the room. Kuroo was so happy. He’s able to be there for his son. 

A month later you told your son about kuroo. His real father. He knew because he looked nothing like Oikawa. As time went on he was happy to have 2 great fathers and an amazing mom.

[ayayabaroque]

Abstained.

Okay. I’ve been reading way too much angst, and I’ve been listening to breakup songs for only God knows how long. CW: Angst, Use of Scara’s real name, Sumeru archon quest spoilers, i want someone to die so one of you has to go. Heavily inspired by Kung ‘Di Rin Lang Ikaw ‘nd Sa Ngalan Ng Pag-ibig and some of the bold sentences are rough translations of the lyrics, since I don’t know the accurate translations.

If you aren’t the reason to love, would I stop my heart from getting hurt?

Kunikuzushi was beyond saving, he was impossible to love. His own creator abandoned him, his only friends left him, and being faced with his own immortality, he knows that you’ll leave him too.

You believe that through your flaws of mortality, you would do you best to stay by his side for eternity.

But as he drifts of into the company of another, a scholar by the name of Haypasia, you question if he is worth the trouble of loving.

“Scaramouche, it’s been only 2 days after your most recent visit to Haypasia, would it be possible to ask of you one thing?”

He merely scoffs, dismissing the idea of resting, if it meant showing affection to his most devoted follower.

It is a true wonder you haven’t left him yet, despite how inconsiderate he is towards your personal feelings.

If it isn’t you, then it won’t be at all, I won’t hope for us anymore.

The Doctor offered you revenge, wealth, and power, all you had to do was to betray Kunikuzushi.

But you couldn’t bring yourself to put him in a much more dire situation, thus you decline.

Yet do you truly feel this way about him?

“You never truly cared for me, Haypasia has been showing her dedication and devotion to me ever since she made contact with her new-found God.” 

Scaramouche seethes, venom spilling from his mouth

“If I were you, I’d do exactly as Haypasia, in hopes to win over my lover again.”

I’m shivering and I can’t move, my heart can’t force myself to love you anymore.

It proves true that the snow-lain land of Snezhnaya is not suit to your tastes,

but if it means staying as far away as humanly possible from Scaramouche, you’d go through whatever length to ensure his happiness.

To that of Haypasia, and not you.

If the frostbite and cold doesn’t take you, then may the fake god abrew in Sumeru take your life.

You once believed that you would take any step toward a brighter future for you and Kunikuzushi, but it seems near impossible to achieve that, if he is in the glory of another.

Do you truly love him now?

If it won’t be us in the end, I’ll stop myself from loving someone else.

“I vow to stay by your side for eternity, let the damned wake, and let the souls who mourn, do so with agony. I will shield you from the world and all it’s cruelty.” —yet you, who makes such sacrilegious promises, only to succumb to sheer cold, and a slight pang of jealousy toward his “first” follower.

If you couldn’t love another, you might as well die with the vows you’ve made to each other.

That way, when he succeeds in entering godhood, he won’t remember you anymore.

But if I don’t remember who we were, who’ll cry in the morn for us?

Before setting foot into Sumeru, you haven’t even heard of Irminsul.

Much less known that Irminsul contains the memories of everyone, which holds little to no regard from Scaramouche, until he caught wind of what recently happened after his downfall.

“[First], pronounced dead. I believe you have no use for them anyway, since Haypasia is your one and only follower, am I correct?”

Il Dottore, 2nd of the Harbingers, announcing your death to the former Harbinger has his mouth agape and speechless.

He believes that it is all his fault, his status, his arrogance, and his vile nature that caused your death.

Shortly after his defeat, he was assigned to carry out a task for Lesser Lord Kusanali and the Traveler.

Enter Irminsul and attempt to find more information on the Descenders of Teyvat. In his subconscious, his new-found information on the erasure of existence from the Traveler has his full attention. Perhaps, if he never met you, if he never tainted his self-image, you could live happily together with him in his next life. With the knowledge of Irminsul, he begins infiltrating its memories in hopes to have his soul reborn into your arms again. I’m letting go, since I can’t move anymore. But would I stop your heart to yearn for another? He succeeded in erasing The Balladeer’s existence of this world, but it was in vain. You couldn’t hang on to the tiny bit of life you have anymore, and withered away from his grasp. In all the years of his life, he has never experienced such grief in his life. His mind though hazy, tries to cling on to what little memory he has of you in the back of his mind. Kunikuzushi was impressed to say the least, you really did love him, even if he wouldn’t love you anymore. At the cost of the recognition as a God, the price would be his only source of hope and warmth. “Until our end of time,  until our hearts feel nothing anymore, even if forever ends, I’ll wait for you, in the name of love.”

ngl i still dont understand how to post on tumblr and the last post i have is march ‘22 ang sarap siguro ng feeling na mahal na mahal ka nya tapos gagawin nya ang lahat para sayo, dwow👍

[tea-with-evan-and-me]

well tweam, i never thought my life would come to this. but i am bringing you a conclusion to today's debacle, so read on if you've been following this.

evan peters, if you're out there reading, just know i really love you and care about your reputation because what i just had to do, as a lesbian, amounts to a hate crime.

with the diligent help of @evanboodaddy we have sourced all three of the explicit photos used in what we now know was a doctored image masquerading as a screenshot of frances' patreon page. i'm sparing you all but just know that i went to the trouble of creating a gif of the photos overlaid on top of each other to confirm this with certainty. hell, they're not even the same wiener in all 3 photos. my google image searches were a nightmare (photoshopper was lazy, if you google d pics and click a few ''related images'' you will immediately find two of them), but anyway, it's sufficiently proven that those images are not of evan.

now, let's get to the source. up to this point, i have not spoken with anyone who has openly claimed to, with their own eyes, have seen frances' posts on patreon and/or tumblr, except this user (24hrcunt) who messaged me this morning. what i have seen is numerous users who have viewed screenshots, which makes sense; we know it's been circulating in group chats because rosa is the one who brought it to light via twitter, and her photos are screenshots of the screenshots posted in a group chat she's in.

this person claims to have taken screenshots which she shared in an ask sent to me. you can see the timestamps on top from when i first viewed them, though they had likely been in my ask box for maybe 15-20 minutes at this point as i was busy. this user did not follow me on here. they wrote a longer message seen in the 2nd photo, claiming that they viewed a message from frances on her patreon accompanying the explicit photos, that they conveniently did not get a screenshot of.

as i started to get suspicious of this story (see time of 5:19pm est) i went back to this page and viewed their tumblr. they had multiple aesthetic type posts such as the one you can partially see in the third screenshot, however, upon checking the timestamps my suspicion was confirmed: all of their posts were from today. the first post on their blog was made at around 10am est and as you can see, these messages followed shortly after. if they had merely created a burner account to share information, they would have had no reason to not say as much, and they wouldn't have quickly reblogged a bunch of random shit to make their page look legitimate. they have since deleted their account. @evanboodaddy also brought to my attention that in the screenshot of the patreon page, the pop-up window showing you must join to unlock posts is rounded on the corners of the actual page. in the edited version showing the explicit photos, you can see that they weren't able to replicate this design.

so, to anyone who was worried, you can rest assured this story is completely falsified. the photos are not of evan, and frances never posted any of this to her patreon nor tumblr.

not the tweam investigative journalism post i wanted to bring to you, but.... it was necessary.

[honorary-knight-of-favonius]

Kinktober

Hello everyone! As most of you may know I haven't been all that active recently due to personal projects, school, and work. I apologize for disappearing so suddenly but I'm here to announce I will be participating in KinkTober!!!

This is my list:

Albedo 

Oct 1st- Orgasm Denial, Toys - Sometimes Experiments test your limits

Oct 28- Threesome (With himself), Revenge sex  - Perhaps Limits should be pushed more often. . .they lead to the sweetest kind of revenge

Al Haitham

Oct 2nd- Voyeurism, Bulge (Al Haitham!Sub) - You and your 'old ass' husband decided to something rather risky in public while your husband thanks his wife is receiving his it actual seems he was wrong and his lovely wife fucked him instead.

Ayato

Oct 3rd- Lap Dance, face sitting - The Yakuza boss has only ever fallen for one woman. He would let her get away with anything as long as she was his. With ease he now has the woman in his grasp.

Baizhu

Oct 4th- Body Worshiping, Medical (Baizhu!Dom) - As she meets a doctor that not only helps her medically but sexually she instantly choses that maybe this doctor can heal her heart.

Oct 29- CNC, Lingerie (Baizhu!Switch) - In desperate need for another model after one ditched and left you high and dry you ask your coordinator to provide some much needed assistance in exchange for a want of his.

Childe

Oct 5th- Degradation, Pain kink - Sometime digging your claws into the back of the person pissing you off is the best course of action even if it isn't the most ethical

Cyno

Oct 6- Shower sex, Professor/Tutor - Having to harshly accept something the tan boy would never even think to question somehow lead to him and his girlfriend together in a steamy shower.

Dainsleif

Oct 7th- Polaroids, Solo - He despises the get out of jail free card as he is forced to endure the relentless horniness; yet he desperately needs the release even if the means our humiliating

Oct 27- Chasity Cage, Ruined Orgasms

Diluc

Oct 8th- Car sex, getting caught - Perhaps he should've waited until he got home, maybe if he did he wouldn't have been embarrassed and lost the only contact with the person he was head over heels for but at last he didn't. . .

Oct 26- Sensory Deprivation, Heat play - He needed to apologize he needed to get back in her good graces. He'd do anything to hear her voice, to see her, fuck even feel her. He was going insane but thankfully his insanity paid off.

Dottore

Oct 9- Hate sex, Humilation - After leaving her humilated one to many times she finally gets her revenge.

Enjou

Oct 31- Monster fucking, ice play - Sometimes the monster under the bed needs to be satisfide too.

Eremite

Oct 11 - Gangbang, Freeuse (Eremite!Dom) - As a doctor it is their job to make sure all of their patients are satisfied with their care, regardless of what type of care it is.

Fatui (Pyro Gunslinger)

Oct 12-  Gloryhole, vanilla (Fatui!Dom) - Despite not wanting to go to the gloryhole but the moment she is being fucked by some random stranger who gave her, his number it was clear she was going to enjoy this place a lot more from now on.

Gorou

Oct 13- Virgin, Dry humping (Gorou!Sub) - Neither of them suspected they'd have any fun at a club until they met each other and took the time to have some fun. Giving the opportunity for more fun in the future.

Itto

Oct 14- Breeding, Restraints - Breeding season for Kitsune is the a very bad time for the meathead Oni but at least he had guidance this time around.

Kaeya 

Oct 15- Roleplay, Strength kink  - Some people need to take the hint rather than disturb his boss and his lover.

Kazuha

Oct 16- Bondage, make-up sex -

Nobushi

Oct 17- Praise, Dumfication -

Pantalone

Oct 18- Sex tape, Squirting (Pantalone!Dom) - Being able to sexually express yourself to your partner often times lead to unimaginable kinds of orgasms

Oct 30- Streaming, Hand kink (Pantalone!Sub) - Pantalone is being punished for being a brat by his Mistress on camera allowing his viewers to see him being edged until he breaks and asks forgiveness having his mistress join the livestream as he finally cums.

Pierro

Oct 19- Fingering, Cheating (Pierro!Dom) - Did she really come for the traditions or did she come her for the potential of pleasure from a man she could never get until now?

Scaramouche

Oct 20-  Marking, Somnophila - Payback is truly a bitch sometimes.

Thoma

Oct 21- Rough sex, Choking (Thoma!Dom) - While Thoma is normally a happy-go-lucky person having someone flirt and feel up his soon to be husband drives him mad so mad he takes it out on his husband in a very welcomed sexual way.

Oct 10- Mirror, Edging (Thoma!Sub) - Being possessive and having a kind husband that treats everyone kindly is one of the worst combos but in this sense a combo that they adore.

Tighnari

Oct 22- Aphrodisiacs, Thigh riding - Perhaps he might've pushed himself to his limits this time. . . luckily he has his boyfriend to care for him.

Venti

Oct 23- Moring sex, lazy sex - Sometimes being lazy is the best remedy after having the person you've been missing dearly

Xiao

Oct 24- Demon, Collaring - Claiming an Incubus comes with many perks, at least when you know you've claimed one for yourself.

Zhongli

Oct 25- Teasing, Cockwarming  - All he wanted was to join a social gathering among co-workers but little did he know his partner and boss was keen on making sure his attention was on them, and them alone.

I will also add a taglist for the Kinktober entries as a sort of test phase. I'll be using this to see if having a permeant taglist is something I'd liked to do and I'll see the response you guys give it so this is the Taglist:

@stygianoir @yunadxd

[dreamcaught]

When I see people trying to explain that the Doctor was more in love with River and open with her than any of his other romantic interests, especially Rose, I want to laugh. Eleven didn't go easy on her at first and was very careful because she was a mystery. He didn't want to marry her in the first place either. It is suggested that he slept with her, but sex does not equal the wildest love in the world. It's likely he indulged in this (if it happened) because she wasn't a companion he was traveling with, unlike Rose or Clara, and he had already dealt with her future death at this point, implying that his future loss would not destroy him after experiencing this. After all, there's a difference between imagining someone's death (Rose & Clara) and having already seen it (River). Beyond that... River wasn't at all sure of the Doctor's feelings towards her, despite the improvement in their relationship. This is quite telling of the level of openness the Doctor had with her. And precisely, despite the improvement in their relationship, the Doctor still had to hide his future death from River. He always had to be careful about what he said with their meetings perpetually out of order. There is no real letting go and openings. None of the Doctor's romances aside from Rose were sure how much the Doctor actually loved them. It's literally the premise that he was as transparent as he could be about his feelings for Rose without ever saying the words. They bonded from their first meeting. From their 2nd episode he entrusted her with the destruction of his planet. Even stronger is that the Doctor literally almost said I love you twice, and finally said it to him as Tentoo. Brief. The Doctor and River fans infuriate me. All the romances in Doctor Who are different, but the fact is that it's pretty obvious that none of them are as deep and cult as the one with Rose.

Well said!

River is an odd duck to me, because while she started cool, her story got worse with each episode she was in. Honestly, River would have been a much stronger character had she not been a romantic interest. Instead, it became her core identity.

Also, good points you've made there: Yes, the Doctor did tell Rose he loved her - once as Tentoo, and many almost-times as Ten! While he says "Oh, she knows," for the audience to see how close they've become - one of River's final lines is: "If you ever loved me..." which means that nope, he never told her. And from her perspective, that's after the 24 year final-night, because it's while she's data-ghost River in the library. Both of these lines are "audience clues" to show the Doctor's feelings, but the Doctor says that his love for Rose is known, shared, while River is saying that hers is not.

River became ensnared to a weird degree with the Doctor - but more specifically as the Doctor's wife, which I find misogynistic and limited as a character. I didn't like their interactions because I felt out of the loop - like I was being forced to stand witness to their marriage much like the Doctor was forced to go through with it.

I have a very mixed feelings about Clara and the Doctor's relationship. Their romance was more toxic in a dependency sort of way that doesn't appeal to me, it felt weird that Danny was just sort of there, and Clara herself was difficult for me to like because she felt like a melting pot of whatever the writer wanted her to be for the episode.

And then there was Yaz, I guess.

So yeah, I agree. No romance has ever been as open, deep or authentic as the Doctor and Rose, even if he's had other romantic interests since. I like to think that that's part of the reason why RTD is letting them just be happy and together in their own universe. They're safe there.

[muselin]

The too-young idols discourse

On this blog we've had many discussions about age, ageism, being too old to like kpop, idols being too young to debut, all that interesting stuff. I myself was firmly in the camp of "I would love it if no idols under 18 debuted" and "idols debuting at 14-15 are an anomaly". But actually, I hadn't bothered to go and look at how common debuting at a young age is in reality. For the purposes of this discussion, by "young age", I mean those who have or had not turned 16 at debut.

Why 16? Because 16 (or lower in some places like Japan, parts of Europe and parts of South America) is the age of consent in most of the world and in South Korea (no, it's not actually 20 in Korea). 16 is also the age where in many places doctor-patient confidentiality applies, meaning that a 16-year-old can make decisions about much of their own medical treatment without requiring consent from parents of guardians. Why do we care about this? Because of the dark world of plastic surgeries and cosmetic enhancements pushed and sold to teenagers.

Something I see a lot of confusion and misinformation about is the difference between legal age and age of consent. So let's clarify and make it super simple:

Age of consent - age at which you can legally consent to sexual activity with someone who is also above the age of consent. Includes consent to medical treatment in most cases.

Legal age - age at which it is legal for you to smoke, drink, vote, buy property etc. Also known as "age of majority".

The age of consent is lower than the legal age in most places in the world, including South Korea, where it is 16. It is the LEGAL age in Korea that is 20 (in Korean age which adds 1 year every time the new year comes around, so 19 regular age for most people).

*Note some places state a higher age of consent than 16, but this is fully unrestricted, meaning the person can consent to do anything with anyone they wish. 16 and under is the common age of consent for someone to consent to sexual activity with someone older than them, as long as the older person is not in a position of authority or power over the younger (such as a teacher or coach for example).

Think of this as your basic "senior dating a sophomore", or 12th grader dating a 10th grader type of deal - very common and no one bats an eye (I've been the sophomore dating a senior myself, in a place where the age of consent was 16 and no one cared). Some of this is legally protected by what are known as Romeo and Juliet laws, where teenagers under the age of consent who voluntarily engage in sexual activity with each other would not be prosecuted if they are not far from the age of consent and are not far in age between each other. E.g. in a place where the age of consent is 16, and a 15-year-old and a 14-year-old voluntarily had sex, they would not be prosecuted for it, as per the Romeo and Juliet laws).

Bear with me, there is a point to this.

So, with all that out of the way, let's look at all the famous idols who debuted before turning 16:

1st gen:

BoA, aged 13 when she debuted in 2000

2nd gen:

Seungri, age 15 at debut with BIGBANG in 2006

Hyuna, Sunmi and Sohee - all aged 14 when they debuted in 2007 with Wonder Girls)

Taemin, age 14 when he debuted with SHINee in 2008

Minzy, age 15 at debut with 2NE1 in 2008

Kang Jiyong, age 14 at debut with KARA in 2008

IU, age 15 at debut in 2008

Krystal, age 14 at debut with (f)x in 2009

Sohyun, age 14 at debut with 4minute in 2009

Suzy, age 15 at debut with miss A in 2010

3rd gen:

Zelo, age 15 at debut with B.A.P. in 2012

Jungkook, age 15 at debut with BTS in 2013

4th gen:

Jisung, age 14 when he debuted in NCT Dream in 2016

Wonyoung (now IVE), age 14 at debut with IZ*ONE in 2018

Ni-Ki, age 14 at debut with Enhypen 2020

Leeseo (IVE), age 14 at debut in 2021

Kyujin, age 14 at debut with NMIXX in 2022

So, as we can see, idols debuting at 14 and 15 is not new whatsoever, it's been constant since the kpop dawn of time. So, what is it that seems to be a cause for alarm over idols continuing to debut at this age? Why should we care about age, what is the age of consent or legal age got to do with things when it comes to kpop?

Here's a quote from a Korean psychologist and Professor in psychology explaining some of the issues. (article can be found here, it's excellent and talks about the issues of the trainee system at that age, as well as the psychological impact of talent programs which now routinely feature contestants under 14):

Another factor that causes some to be concerned about very young idols is the shift in trends among K-pop girl groups. The demure, innocent image has fallen out of fashion and female acts have moved onto portraying strong-minded, mature women — meaning young girl group members often have to “present an overly mature or even sexualized image that doesn’t suit their age,” according to Professor Lee. 

“And it’s not necessarily about being scantily clad,” continued Lee. “What I find troubling is when idols in their early teens portray an identity that they’re too young to comprehend. When I see very young stars sing dramatically emotional lyrics, I wonder if they really understand what they’re singing about. Then their performance of the song ends up lacking depth.”

Lee added that extremely young idols may even affect K-pop as a brand.

“One of the typical criticisms toward K-pop is that it is a ‘factory system’ — that the idols simply perform what their agencies have already created for them,” he said. “This stereotype would be further bolstered if more early teenagers continue to debut as K-pop idols and sing lyrics they can’t even relate to because they’re too young. Of course, artists don’t always have to sing about their direct experiences. But when the performer is too young, it’s difficult to accept the music as ‘wholly theirs.’"

The quote talks about girl groups and we need only to look at the big recent girl group debuts like IVE, NMIXX and LE SSERAFIM to see that. However, I would argue that the same applies to male groups as well. I genuinely do not remember a boy group debuting with a cute or innocent concept since TXT in 2019, and theirs has not lasted beyond their second year. TXT's was rare as it was anyway.

Some may say, how is this different to child actors or teen singers? And the answer is the factory system aspect of it. An example of this is AKB48, a Japanese "eternal group" which is more like a franchise. And has been running since 2005. It is a rolling membership group where trainees enter the group and "graduate" after some amount of time. Trainees usually enter in their early teens and graduate before legal age. The group has had anywhere from 48 to over 100 members and has their own theatre where they perform live shows and meet fans up close every day, making them one of the biggest, most profitable music acts in Japan. But their entire concept is that they're always teens. The group doesn't ever age and fans don't grow older with the group.

It appears that this factory system is beginning to influence kpop, with younger and younger idols being routinely allowed to enter the conveyor belt of survival shows which are churning out group after group with increasing frequency. Japanese "prodigy" trainees are also seemingly getting recruited into kpop companies at increasing frequency.

Some big companies resist this, such as SM, which has only debuted one boy group and one girl group in 3rd and 4th gen. However, with HYBE already having become the biggest Korean entertainment company and opening new labels every other month, they've debuted more groups in the last 3 years than any other company and are not slowing down.

Only time will tell whether other companies will follow HYBE in this, but I personally hope that they don't.

[drpaisleyduncan-archive]

✦ DANIELLE CAMPBELL, CISFEMALE, SHE/HER ✦ PAISLEY DUNCAN the TWENTY SEVEN year old has been in Hidehill for ONE MONTH and was a STRANGER to Carter Thompson, one of the shadows. Whispers on the streets are that the ER HEAD DOCTOR AT HIDE GENERAL who lives in HARLOW ESTATES are said to be PASSIONATE and STUBBORN but I guess we’ll find out for ourselves.

FULL NAME: dr. paisley duncan, m.d. NICKNAMES: pais, duncan, dunk AGE: 27 / august 2nd, 1996 GENDER & PRONOUNS: cisfemale, she/her FACECLAIM: danielle campbell HEIGHT: 5’3” SEXUALITY: bisexual OCCUPATION: ER head doctor

tw: abandonment

paisley duncan was born august 2nd, 1996 in a very privileged family, her parents, edward and piper duncan, are owners of a widely-known vineyard supplying not just many known businesses not just in the country but around the world, but also the royal family. the duncans have always been raised to be prim and proper, but it was paisley, the oldest of the bunch, who is considered to be the black sheep of them all. but it wasn’t always like that, until her sibling was born and all the attention was on them instead. it was like she was expected to be abiding to the family’s rules yet at the same time, they do not care that much as they used to be with her anymore. that’s why she went against the family’s wishes, not caring if they wanted her to inherit the vineyard someday, instead, she took up a path of her own, packed her things and moved to a safe distance away from them, but not too far. she hasn’t told much people, even her family, but paisley always wanted to be a doctor, have a way to help people as she always dreamt of to begin with.

to start, she took up bachelor of science in human health and technology in the imperial college of london, of course, even if her parents did not agree with most of her decisions, they still decided to fund for her studies, but not because they support her, it was because they had a reputation to uphold, and at the same time, they wanted to prove paisley wrong for being able to survive on her own, achieve her goals, yet of course, as she was progressing, graduating from her pre-medical course and continuing to medical school, that’s when they realized, maybe paisley does not belong to where they’ve always wanted her to be all this time. yet it was too late, the aspiring doctor had been so distant that it was almost dead silent from her end, regardless of the fact that they were still sending her money for her studies.

after she graduated from medical school, the woman then took up the medical residency program, and that’s where she meets and got close with one of the other aspiring doctors taking up the program as well, of course, usually it was kind of a tight ship there, but with the two hitting it off instantly made things bearable for paisley. she didn’t like having a shoulder to lean on, but they made it so easy, cracked the hard exterior she’s always had growing up and before she knew it, the man had a hold of her heart. if she were to think about it, they are her first and greatest love, though she would never admit that out loud, spending times in on-call rooms, either giving each other a pop quiz, arguing about anything and everything, or just talking about their days, one finding the other taking a nap in the supply closet, to them hanging out outside of the hospital, those turning into dinner, into them basically realizing that they’re in love with each other. of course, they tried to make it work, but with the lines of their personal and professional relationship blurred out over the years from them being just residents to her going up the ranks and eventually paisley being the head doctor of the ER, paisley thought their relationship isn’t going to work anymore, hence to her ending up things with him after one of their shifts, even herself not knowing the reason why she had done such thing.

that was when at the same time she has met jonathan brown, or JJ, as she would prefer calling him, who was at first, she has always said would be impossible for her to fall for, given the reason that she wanted to fully focus on her growing career, but then the feeling he brings her is a force that she couldn’t stop, and eventually, along the way, she didn’t just care for the man who has gone through such a tough time because of his father, she has also unwittingly gave her heart to the man and the rest was history, her life was great, she was prospering with her career and her love life, until the latter suddenly crumbled and he disappeared from her life, which whenever she thought about it, it was karma from what she had done sometime before. for the past two years she’s always thought about it, until one day she finds herself handing her resignation and packing her things, to go to that place JJ has always mentioned to her about, and searched for him.

but now that paisley has found him, she doesn’t really know how to feel, never has she ever approached him, and would always turn away whenever he gets close. so…the woman is stuck in a town she does not know much of for the man who doesn’t know they’re in such a smaller world now.

[drpduncanfms]

[ janet montgomery, cis woman, she/her ] - was that PAISLEY DUNCAN i saw by the lighthouse today? i heard that the THIRTY-FIVE year old who has been in nightrest for THREE YEARS and works as a ER HEAD DOCTOR AT GRIGGS GENERAL has a reputation of being PASSIONATE, but also STUBBORN. they reside in ASHMORE & people in town usually associate them with NEON COLORED SNEAKERS MISMATCHING HER SCRUBS, HER HAIR IN DIFFERENT KINDS OF BRAIDS SURVIVING 12-HOUR SHIFTS, A PACK OF MALTESERS IN HER POCKET, A CUP OF COLD TEA LATTE. let’s hope the killer doesn’t go after them next.

FULL NAME: dr. paisley duncan, m.d. NICKNAMES: pais, duncan, dunk AGE: 35 / august 2nd, 1987 GENDER & PRONOUNS: cisfemale, she/her FACECLAIM: janet montgomery HEIGHT: 5’6” SEXUALITY: bisexual OCCUPATION: ER head doctor at griggs general

tw: pregnancy

paisley duncan was born august 2nd, 1987 in a very privileged family, her parents, edward and piper duncan, are owners of a widely-known vineyard in windsor, england supplying not just many known businesses not just in the country but around the world, but also the royal family. the duncans have always been raised to be prim and proper, but it was paisley, the oldest of the bunch, who is considered to be the black sheep of them all. but it wasn’t always like that, until her sibling was born and all the attention was on them instead. it was like she was expected to be abiding to the family’s rules yet at the same time, they do not care that much as they used to be with her anymore. that’s why she went against the family’s wishes, not caring if they wanted her to inherit the vineyard someday, instead, she took up a path of her own, packed her things and moved to the states. she hasn’t told much people, even her family, but paisley always wanted to be a doctor, have a way to help people as she always dreamt of to begin with.

to start, she took up bachelor of science in human health and technology in the university of new hampshire, of course, even if her parents did not agree with most of her decisions, they still decided to fund for her studies, but not because they support her, it was because they had a reputation to uphold, and at the same time, they wanted to prove paisley wrong for being able to survive on her own, achieve her goals, yet of course, as she was progressing, graduating from her pre-medical course and continuing to medical school, that’s when they realized, maybe paisley does not belong to where they’ve always wanted her to be all this time. yet it was too late, the aspiring doctor had been so distant that it was almost dead silent from her end, regardless of the fact that they were still sending her money for her studies.

after she graduated from medical school, the woman then moved to salem, to take up a residency program at the salem hospital, and that’s where she meets and got close with one of the other aspiring doctors taking up the program as well, of course, usually it was kind of a tight ship there, but with the two hitting it off instantly made things bearable for paisley. she didn’t like having a shoulder to lean on, but dom made it so easy, cracked the hard exterior she’s always had growing up and before she knew it, the man had a hold of her heart. if she were to think about it, he is her first and greatest love, though she would never admit that out loud, spending times in on-call rooms, either giving each other a pop quiz, arguing about anything and everything, or just talking about their days, one finding the other taking a nap in the supply closet, to them hanging out outside of the hospital, those turning into dinner, into them basically realizing that they’re in love with each other. of course, they tried to make it work, but with the lines of their personal and professional relationship blurred out over the years from them being just residents to her going up the ranks and eventually paisley being the head doctor of the ER, paisley thought their relationship isn’t going to work anymore, hence to her ending up things with him after one of their shifts, not knowing that she was pregnant with their child, which at first, she used to lie to him that the child wasn’t his, but eventually, when she was born, one look was all it took for him to know the truth. eventually, she makes a move to nightrest and transfers to work at griggs general, where she could at least put a distance between her and the father of her child without him missing out on anything about their daughter.

laurel duncan, the light of paisley’s life, someone who she looks forward to spending time with outside of her work, in fact, she is the only thing she has outside of her professional life. of course, she lets the young one spend time with her father, it wasn’t much of a discussion, all it took was one look when she was born and he knew she was his. besides only talking to him about anything hospital-related, laurel has been their only connection, paisley always finding ways to avoid discussions of their relationship.

now paisley only has two priorities in life, her career and her child, nothing else, unless life as a single mom in nightrest has something prepared for her.

[surrexi]

hey hi so for a couple weeks in july i was house/dog-sitting for my parents and then i stayed with them through the last week after they got back because the 28th was my birthday and like, why spend it alone. and then i went home on the 31st.

then the night of the 1st my mom calls me and goes "hey will you still love me if i tell you that i tested positive for covid today" and i was livid bc i have protected my delicate asthmatic lungs for the whole-ass panini and now my own mother exposes me?!

so the morning of the 2nd i tested negative but then the asthma flare-up i was already having before my parents got home started getting even worse and i was losing sleep from all the coughing (i have cough-variant asthma which means my asthma attacks involve hella bad coughing that is unstoppable) and on the 4th i tested positive for covid.

*stares directly into the camera like i'm on the office*

anyway my dad (who is somehow still covid negative) came and picked me up in college station bc my parents didn't want me making the 2.5-3-hour drive to san antonio when i could have a coughing fit at any moment and that would be bad while going 80 mph down the highway, and on friday (the 4th) i saw a nurse practitioner at my doctor's office and she listened to my wheezing and ordered a chest x-ray and was like "why hadn't you already come here over the asthma flare up you weirdo" and prescribed me paxlovid and a steroid pack and a daily inhaler to use to hopefully reduce my dependence on my rescue inhaler.

the steroid pack does a great job of shocking your lungs into behaving themselves almost right away because you get six pills the first day and you can take them all at once, so my coughing went down real quick after that. then the paxlovid started having a noticeable effect on the rest of my symptoms after the first two doses (you take two doses of three pills each twice a day for five days).

judging from how my symptoms differed from my mom's, i think if i hadn't already been in the middle of an asthma flare i might have only really experienced the covid as my asthma getting a bit worse? but since my lungs were already riding the struggle bus i was more affected.

anyway mom and i are both doing much better, though my parents keep telling me i look really pale and pushing a pulse oximeter at me, lol. (the lowest i've seen my oxygen was when mom made me measure it right after a bad coughing fit, and it was at 88 for a few seconds before jumping back into the 90s.) today (saturday) i spend most of the day sleeping, with my dog next to me keeping watch like the sweet baby she is.

we're lucky that we were all vaxxed and boosted (my parents have even already had their second booster, though i'm still only at one), and lucky that our family doctor('s office) was willing and able to see us quickly, recognize that we qualify for paxlovid (mom bc of age+risk factors, me bc of my asthma+other risk factors), and get it prescribed. now we turn to hoping that neither of us end up with long covid *crosses fingers*.

anyway, this panini is still fucking happening, you should still be being careful, if not for you, then for the friends and family you're in close contact with who could be more vulnerable than you.

[minty-marshmallow]

Hwarang [Ep 17]

Only 4 episodes to go (including this one)

We pick up where we left off, in the midst of a fighting scene with Seon Woo passing out at a critical moment. Which, we still haven't been told why this happens and I'm kind of annoyed with that aspect at this point. How hard is it to just explain it....like they don't have to have details just like "Oh he's got low iron" or something idk.

Maek Jong's right though, it's not her throne it's his. She still wants to hold on to it and hold on to power and he's right she's using him as an excuse to do it. She claims she's protecting him but, he's already almost been killed so it doesn't really matter at this point if he's hidden or not...does it? Oh, wait...did she dream that? Kinda a confusing scene to be honest. Okay, yeah she dreamed it I guess cuz she also dreamed that he tried to strangle her. Unless...?? Nah.

Imagine being a doctor and how horrible it is to watch this plague spread and not be able to do anything about it at all. Yeong Shil is the absolute worst disgrace to the country as a minister keeping all the medicine locked up and not giving the doctor any while all these people die.

Why are adults always using their children to fulfill their revenge plans or plots or whatever...it's ridiculous..they are children. Well, technically I guess the Hwarang are supposed to be like young men but whatever.

Ugh, not this typical scene where the 2nd female lead kisses the male lead and then misunderstandings and shit ugh. Typical...but hopefully they'll sort it out quickly. I don't want them to be at a misunderstanding up until the very end. Mam, he does not care that you are the princess lol why would he listen to your commands.

Okay, so the Queen said earlier that the Wonhwa had one jealous of the other and killed her. So is that what she's hoping will happen? That the Princess will try and kill Ah Ro? Sook Myeong stated, "I know why the Queen chose you, you irritate me!" Is that foreshadowing?

Oh so are they gonna attack Yeong Shil together or??? Haha, I love that Maek Jong and Seon Woo have to work together even though they don't like each other right now.

Awww Soo Yeon is so sweet, and she loves Ban Ryu so much. I really hope her love for him and his feelings for her can turn him around. I know love isn't the answer to everything, but I just KNOW that he wants to be a good person for her, a man that she would be worthy of. He's just gotta act on it.

Oh no, they're planning something big lol Seon Woo and Maek Jong looking for recruits haha. Oh no, Ban Ryu overheard. Ugh this bitch gonna go tattle I just know it, he ain't changed yet. UGH!!! I'm afraid they're going to fail because of Ban Ryu. Wait, is Ban Ryu helping to distract...omg maybe he's not so bad after all. Idk though, cuz this aint over yet.

YES! They got the medicine, and the people can be saved. Haha Ban Ryu I saw that little smirk after Soo Ho said thanks. He's really not a bad guy, but I feel like he's still gonna be tested in the next 3 episodes.

Woah so the Queen was a Wonhwa and killed the other girl? But, who was she?

Notes: Okay so I know that this is a pretty typical historical drama and has a lot of cliches of the genre but I genuinely enjoy it. Haha, I mean I already saw it coming that Moo Myung is like the rightful heir or whatever or at least of royal blood and can sit on the throne given the chance. It's gonna end up being a huge fight thing, I already know. Anyway, I like it though.

I can't wait for Yeong Shil and the Queen to get what's coming to them. Unlike in real life, in dramas, the bad guys always get their due. They always reap what they have sown.

[jule1122]

4 7 8 fic ask meme

Thanks for the ask anon!

4. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Care to share one of them?

I used to write one fic before even thinking about the next, but between fics I've started and ones I am committed to writng, I think I have about 10 active fic ideas.

The 2nd fic I am planning to write, hopefully in the next month, is really different for me. I heard the line "I was the loser at your funeral" from the Gangs of Youth song "In the wake of your leave" and immediately pictured Michael at Alex's funeral. Alex isn't really dead, but there is some angst before Michael knows that. But because it' me, the ending I image had more fluff than there is angst.

7. Share a snippet from one of your favorite pieces of prose you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

This was hard to find because apparently there is a lot of talking in my fics. I picked this part of Fall back into place which is my sunflower, edible tattoo themed Valentine's Day fic. I like both the visual and how Michael's reaction is physical and emotional.

He goes to the next message and presses play on the video Alex sent him. The camera follows a dark green vine that starts just above Alex’s stump on his right leg and twines all the way up his thigh. The vine blooms into a large sunflower that covers Alex’s hip. The center is shaped like a heart, and the petals stretch out of view, some curving underneath Alex’s hip onto his ass and the tips of others disappearing into the crease of his groin. Michael’s mouth waters just thinking about following the path of the vine and outlining each petal with his tongue.

As he opens the final message, he shifts and adjusts his jeans to accommodate his growing arousal. This time Alex has sent him a picture, a close up of the script running along the vine. “Valentine, you are my sun. I look to you each morning and grow toward you every day of my life,” it reads. Michael sits down hard on his stool, and reads it again, tears filling his eyes.

He thinks about Alex, in their bed, opening himself up to Rosa’s scrutiny so she could draw this. Alex let Rosa see him, scars and all, let her study and touch his leg with it’s sudden ending, something he still hates allowing his doctors and therapists to do. He made himself that vulnerable for Michael, so he could give him this. He needs to be with Alex, to show him that he understands, that he feels the same, that every step they’ve taken together has brought them here and he wants nothing more than to keep growing with Alex. Love and lust war briefly in his heart before settling together in a beautiful balance he only associates with Alex.

8. Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

So I wanted to write a fic about Michael giving Alex a piano and ended up with not letting what we built up crumble to dust which is longer look at what getting back together might look like for Alex and Michael pre S3.

One of my favorite parts of the story ended up being an unplanned conversation between Michael and Max. As much as I like how Michael describes the way he has decided to approach his relationship with Alex, I really like how Max reached out to Michael and Michael responds.

“How did you and Alex do it?” he asks. “With everything that happened between you, how did you find a way to get over it?”

Michael looks up, taking it the wistful expression on Max’s face. “I thought you and Liz were doing good?”

“We are, mostly. It’s just hard sometimes, harder, I think, than either of us expected it to be. I thought once we forgave each other and decided to be together it would be easier.”

“Trust me, Max, nothing about Alex and I’s relationship is easy, never has been,” Michael laughs. He can’t believe Max is asking him for advice. “At some point you have to figure out if there is more love or hurt between you. And forgiveness isn’t enough if you both aren’t willing to stop doing the things that hurt each other. That’s the hardest part, and we never stop working on it.”

“How did you know there was enough love left to fight for?”

“When Alex was kidnapped, I was so pissed.” He hears Max snort behind him. Over time he’s shared more about what he’d done to get Alex back, how desperate and focused he’d been. Michael picks up his file and starts working on repairing the next chip. Even years later, thinking about that time fills him with rage and helplessness. He needs the distraction of doing something with his hands. “They way his father and Flint talked about him, how they treated him because they thought he was weak, I couldn’t stand it. They couldn’t understand why he didn’t hate aliens like they did, couldn’t believe he could love me. Fighting against that made me remember why I fell in love with him in the first place, why I still loved him.”

“I’ve never had a problem remembering why I love Liz.”

“I know, but you’re not like me. I was always looking for the worst in people, even Alex, sometimes especially Alex.” He tries to think of a way to explain it that will make sense to Max. “It’s like that story about the two wolves inside of us, good and bad, light and dark, whatever. You have to decide which one to feed. I spent a lot of years feeding the dark wolf. The one that resented Alex for enlisting, that felt like he abandoned me. That wolf held onto the memory of every time Alex hurt me; it snarled and snapped and tried to draw blood if he got too close. I fed the wolf that called him Manes and made sure to remind him that he came from monsters.”

He takes a deep breath and sets his tools down before continuing. “Then I started feeding the other wolf. It was a mix at first, but over time, all my food went to the light wolf. That wolf remembers Alex shared his safe space with me when he had no reason to. That wolf saw all the pain Alex endured, the pain he tried to hide, and knew he was doing his best to not let it twist him into something bitter and cruel. It could see how hard he tried and knew not every decision he made was about me or trying to hurt me. I fed the wolf that looked at Alex and saw how kind he was, how he did everything he could for the people he cared about, how he always showed up for me even when I pushed him away. I fed the wolf that sees Alex’s belief in the goodness of people as a strength and trusts him when he says he loves me, and he’s not leaving. I feed that wolf every day, and I’ve never been happier.”

When he finally turns around, Michael finds Max looking at him with a mix of admiration and sadness. “Do you think we could do that with each other?” he asks Michael hesitantly. “Feed the light wolves between us?”

Michael looks at his brother, thinks of how he sits with him every week, learning about cars so he doesn’t ruin Alex’s surprise, and the answer is easy. “Yeah, we can do that.”

[drpaisleyduncan]

✦ CHLOE BENNET, CISFEMALE, SHE/HER ✦ PAISLEY DUNCAN the TWENTY SEVEN year old has been in Hidehill for ONE DAY (SHE JUST GOT BACK) and was a STRANGER to Carter Thompson, one of the shadows. Whispers on the streets are that the ER DOCTOR AT HIDE GENERAL who lives in HARLOW ESTATES are said to be PASSIONATE and STUBBORN but I guess we’ll find out for ourselves.

FULL NAME: dr. paisley duncan, m.d. NICKNAMES: pais, duncan, dunk AGE: 27 / august 2nd, 1995 GENDER & PRONOUNS: cisfemale, she/her FACECLAIM: chloe bennet HEIGHT: 5’3” SEXUALITY: bisexual OCCUPATION: ER doctor

paisley duncan was born august 2nd, 1996 in a very privileged family, her parents, edward and piper duncan, are owners of a widely-known vineyard supplying not just many known businesses not just in the country but around the world, but also the royal family. the duncans have always been raised to be prim and proper, but it was paisley, the oldest of the bunch, who is considered to be the black sheep of them all. but it wasn’t always like that, until her sibling was born and all the attention was on them instead. it was like she was expected to be abiding to the family’s rules yet at the same time, they do not care that much as they used to be with her anymore. that’s why she went against the family’s wishes, not caring if they wanted her to inherit the vineyard someday, instead, she took up a path of her own, packed her things and moved to the states. she hasn’t told much people, even her family, but paisley always wanted to be a doctor, have a way to help people as she always dreamt of to begin with.

to start, she took up bachelor of science in human health and technology in the university of new hampshire, of course, even if her parents did not agree with most of her decisions, they still decided to fund for her studies, but not because they support her, it was because they had a reputation to uphold, and at the same time, they wanted to prove paisley wrong for being able to survive on her own, achieve her goals, yet of course, as she was progressing, graduating from her pre-medical course and continuing to medical school, that’s when they realized, maybe paisley does not belong to where they’ve always wanted her to be all this time. yet it was too late, the aspiring doctor had been so distant that it was almost dead silent from her end, regardless of the fact that they were still sending her money for her studies.

after she graduated from medical school, the woman then moved to memphis, to take up a residency program at the baptist memorial hospital, and that’s where she meets and got close with one of the other aspiring doctors taking up the program as well, of course, usually it was kind of a tight ship there, but with the two hitting it off instantly made things bearable for paisley. she didn’t like having a shoulder to lean on, but they made it so easy, cracked the hard exterior she’s always had growing up and before she knew it, the man had a hold of her heart. if she were to think about it, he is her first and greatest love, though she would never admit that out loud, spending times in on-call rooms, either giving each other a pop quiz, arguing about anything and everything, or just talking about their days, one finding the other taking a nap in the supply closet, to them hanging out outside of the hospital, those turning into dinner, into them basically realizing that they’re in love with each other. of course, they tried to make it work, but with the lines of their personal and professional relationship blurred out over the years from them being just residents to her going up the ranks and eventually paisley being an ER doctor, paisley thought their relationship isn’t going to work anymore, hence to her ending up things with him after one of their shifts. eventually, she makes a move to hidehill and transfers to work at hide general, where she could at least put a distance between her and her former lover.

though upon learning the news that her father has fallen ill, paisley had no choice but to leave abruptly to see his condition herself, not having time to give her farewells to the people she has quickly grown to care about over the month she has stayed in town, regardless of the deaths that has happened, she had ached to come back to what seems like the belly of the beast now upon learning the news about hidehill, once she has made sure that her father was making recovery, and that she could go back.

[storytellergirl]

Intense Love (cdrama, 2020) - final thoughts

Sometimes fluffy dramas are...bad.

Last night I finished Intense Love (2020), a Chinese drama starring Ding Yu Xi and Zhang Yu Xi in the main roles. I am not great at writing coherent reviews, but I feel I should add my two cents for people who, like me, are looking for something light and optimistic and stumbled upon this series on MDL where it has an 8.3 rating (unbelievable, really).

The first episode sets up the scene quite nicely: the ML and FL have been engaged by their mothers (hers is alive, his is long dead) since they were children, but never took the engagement seriously and both failed to show up at their betrothal dinner, citing work reasons. The FL is a celebrity actress, beautiful and kind, the ML is a successful doctor, cold and perfect, you know the types.

By the twist of fate, the FL ends up wounded in the hospital in the ML's care. They realize each other's identities and due to their opposite personalities, they argue (a little). Nevertheless, it's clear that they fell in love at first sight, even if they don't realize it at first.

Could be fun, right? Arranged engagement of two people with conflicting personalities who don't want to submit to the will of their families and perhaps try to sabotage the engagement in funny ways or try to dissuade the other party from the marriage? That's what I envisioned would happen. But it doesn't.

Instead they just sort of accept the engagement without talking deeply about it and they go into a full girlfriend/boyfriend mode by episode four with no preface or development that would lead to it. They have no "getting to know each other" phase, they don't really talk about themselves, they are just a cold doctor and bubbly actress snuggling on a couch and talking about how they love each other. For 24 episodes. 

They don't seem to have any hobbies or interests, they don't have any close friends (the 2nd leads are technically their best friends but their storyline is strangely detached from the main couple), they don't even seem to work as much, they have no doubts about their future, they don't talk about their living arrangements, what kind of wedding they want or whether they want kids... In short: they don't develop as characters or as a couple and they definitely don't help each other to become better people. What "You Are My Glory" did so well with the mains supporting each other and talking about life stuff, "Intense Love" skips completely so what's left are two beautiful people in cute situations and as a viewer, I feel no satisfaction because I just wonder how the hell did they get there.

The second couple (the FL's agent/BFF and the ML's colleague/friend) have a separate storyline involving very random tropes (misdiagnosed terminal illness wtf?) that writers must have pulled from their hats or something. They also have zero chemistry and as a viewer, I saw no reason why these two should be together.

There is a third couple (sort of) that involves the ML's younger sister and the FL's younger colleague. It had some potential but they only meet halfway through the drama and again, their relationship is so superficial and detached from other characters (the FL and ML never even find out about this relationship!) that I had no reason to care.

There is no big bad or evil mastermind. The FL's colleague is jealous of her success and happiness, so she makes some trouble for her, but it never gets too serious and it always backfires on her. The ML's little sister stirs some trouble for the FL as well, but they become friends several episodes later after which the little sister's storyline branches out from the main one.

The editing of this show is all over the place. Look, I get it's low budget (empty hospital with one huge office occupied by only the ML speaks for itself) but the scenes (especially the ends of episodes and starts of the next ones) often just don't tie coherently. Many motifs are brought up and then promptly forgotten, like...

The ML's little sister is jealous of the FL because she was close to her brother before the FL entered the picture. The FL points this out to the ML and advises him to talk it through with his sister... Which never happens. There is NEVER any long-ish dialogue between the siblings, the ML just later tells his sister (who started working as an assistant to an idol singer) that she needs to think about her future more. (Is working in the entertainment industry not respectful enough...? When his own girlfriend is an actress?)

The ML's sickly elder brother tells the ML in a very melodramatic scene in episode 2 that the ML should settle, abandon medicine (wtf?) and take over the family business (whatever that is). Which is never brought up again. Ok then.

The SFL's tragic backstory with failed engagement is hinted at often but never really explored or explained... Again, weird editing.

the whole "idol singer searches for his mysterious benefactor (aka his own assistant)" in the last episodes is edited so weirdly that I have no idea what inner logic was supposed to be behind that.

Look, Intense Love is a great killer of time if you just want to look at pretty people posing in cute situations. But I would lie if I said it satisfied me or that I will rewatch it. And I am usually very easy to please and a big fan of fluffy dramas - but gems like You Are My Glory, Falling Into Your Smile, Oh! My Sweet Liar or My Little Happiness are all better choices if you need your daily dose of serotonin. 

7/10 if I am being nice because I managed to finish it (with some fast forwarding) and the actors do their best with the little they were given

[boosmom121]

Dysfunctional and Depressed

This whole alopecia thing and excessive weight gain has me really depressed. I have cut down on my calories and started exercising for at least an hour each night and somehow and I am still gaining weight. I have had every type of blood work done and none of it explains the weight gain. I have been told that the depression and stress could be causing it but other than that... no answers. I am also going back over everything that happened during my childhood, which I fell like I should be over by now- I'm in my mid 50's- , but just recently it has really started bothering me. It really never bothered me before but I feel so hurt that my father walked out of my life when I was 15 and started and new family and completely turned his back on me my brother and sister and told his "new" family to pretend we didn't exist. HOW DO YOU DO THAT AS A PARENT? Ho do you pretend that your first 3 kids do not exist... that they mean absolutely nothing to you but your 2 boys with your 2nd wife hung the moon and you are so incredibly proud of them. My mother is very critical- never has a good thing to say to me. She lives with me and my husband and I try to be nice but she makes it really hard. She is very pushy but then wants to play the victim. After saying something and I get quiet she will say in the awful squeaky pathetic voice- did i say something wrong? I always say no you didn't say anything wrong but I just remove myself from the situation and then she gets very pouty. She is very manipulative. I have found myself going so far to the other extreme to be nothing but positive for my daughter which in turn has created a monster who feels very entitled. I feel like such a failure as a daughter, mother and wife. My husband fusses about everything I do- even when I haven't done anything. For example he decided to recycle our plastic bottles- which is great but he told me just to put the bottles on the counter. So, that's what I was doing. Then the other day he just goes off on me telling me that he has told me to put the plastic bottles in the bag that he has in one of the cabinets. I told him if he had told me that I would have done it but I had no idea he had done that and last I heard he wanted me to put them on the counter. It seems ridiculous to be upset about that exchange but it goes deeper than where I put the bottle. I know he thinks I'm ugly and fat and probably feels stuck with me now that my mom has moved in because we can't sell our house and split our assets because my mom paid to have an addition added on so whatever we would get out of the house her part would have to go to her and that wouldn't leave enough for him to go out on his own. I'm stressed beyond belief trying to take care of my mom by myself- making sure what she wants/needs gets ordered. I take her to doctor appointments. I try to give my daughter money when she needs it to help her with her sewing business that she's trying to get started. I have a massive student loan that I owe that my husband has no idea about- because he would absolutely lose his mind if he knew how much I owed. I work 3 jobs so that I can pay it and still have enough for him to get whatever he wants so he doesn't blame me for not being able to enjoy the fruits of HIS labor. He doesn't mind the extra money but fusses that I work all of the time. I work from home so I started trying to put my computer away after my full time job and then just working at night when I lay down. Now he fusses and says that it bothers him that I take my computer to bed- now mind you about 7 years ago he decided he needed to sleep in a separate room because I'm hard to sleep with- I have insomnia (on Restoril) but I struggle to get to sleep and do toss and turn and never stay asleep all night and will be up anywhere from 30 minutes to 3 hours. So, I really do understand him wanting to sleep in a different room- especially since he has to get up at 4 in the morning for work. We have 3 dogs and nothing I do is right- I can't feed them right, I can't give them their treats right, let them out right, etc.