#3) to be totally honest a lot of places go like 'oh these are demographically the Major Identities so let's have 5 options total'

[aro-culture-is]

Aro culture is going to spencers and seeing only ace pride merch and no aro pride merch

.

[hrbumga]

Review: Deathless, Cathrynne M. Valente

Overall Rating: 2.5/5 stars.

This review contains heckin’ spoilers. I had about as mixed feelings as you could have about this book. On one hand, I can see where it gets it’s hype—a lot of the descriptions are beautiful, Valente manages to weave a rich tapestry of images and situations so that each page dazzles you anew. The thing is, I think I liked this book. Think. To be honest, I’m not totally sure. While rewritten fairytales for adults is a genre I’m drawn to, I think there were a lot of issues I had with this book, and furthermore some of the strangest things about Deathless actually didn’t take place within its pages at all. Let’s put a pin in that.

Structural Integrity

I can’t tell if the structure was the thing I took the most issue with, or if it was just the first thing I noticed. I’m mostly going to focus on the prologue and parts 1 and 2, since that’s where I have the issue.

The prologue opens with a boy (when I say boy I mean little kid, I think he was like 9 or 10) standing trial for not being available to fight in The War(TM). One of the people trying him is Marya Morevna, our protagonist. In a moment of kindness, she tells the boy to turn, run, and never look back, letting him escape punishment. Are we going to remember this? Of course, it’s the prologue, an introduction to the core of the story. Does it come up again? Kinda. In part 6, we loop back around to it, which makes me think part 6 should’ve been more of an epilogue to pair with the prologue.

So anyway, all we really derive from that is Marya is either a traitor to whatever war she’s a part of or is sympathetic to children. Or both. Which, okay, having a prologue mainly focused on the character we’ll be following makes sense. We either see who she is or who she was, and we get a sense that this Marya is/was a strong yet kind hearted character. Put a pin in that.

Part 1 is Marya’s upbringing, taking place either right before or during the Bolshevik Revolution. There’s a lovely, fairytale-esque portion in the beginning where as a little girl, she watches from her window as birds hop down from the tree outside, transform into handsome, wealthy men ask to marry the girl in the window and in turn, each of Marya’s three older sisters are married off. She waits for her turn and is teased by schoolmates for believing in magic. As time goes on, more families move into her cramped home for communal living and she visits the house elves that live between the walls, who tell her that Papa Koschei, the Tsar of Life (a kind of god/demigod figure in folklore from what I can gather), will come for her soon. She visits a creepy widow next door who turns out to be the Tsaritsa of the Hour who tells her pretty much the same.

Finally, on cue, a handsome young man named Koschei, who is in fact an ancient, old, old man comes to the door to take her away from this life of poverty and be his fiancée. Marya is roughly sixteen at this point. The part ends with him grooming her while spiriting her away to the magic land of Buyan. When I say grooming, I mean he’s literally taking her willpower away as though it’s an object, slowly, over time. Part 1 ends with Marya disobeying his order not to speak (literally all she says is she’s feeling a little better after being violently ill all journey) and he punishes her by biting her tongue til she bleeds.

Then part 2 kicks off! The beginning of part 2 begins with Zemlehyed the leshy and Naganya the vintovnik bickering. Classic them! Then Madame Lebedeva hops off her horse from a firebird hunt.

If you just said, “wait, back up, who are these people? What’s a leshy?” you are not alone! Oh, eventually Marya turns up too. Yeah, turns out there’s been a major time skip from the point where Marya was a starving, impoverished child to a magical being’s bride-to-be, who’s dressed in jewels and gold, has three whimsical pals that are framed as though we’ve already been endeared to them, and is super into her kinky BDSM lifestyle with her ancient groom. This transition has taken a year. Mind you, Marya isn’t just our protagonist, she’s the one the narration follows, so any internal monologue with her grappling with whateverthehell happened in that year is just something the reader doesn’t get.

Sure, her and her whimsical folktale fae friends have snappy dialogue and seem close, but we see literally nothing of how they get there. It’s a neck-snapping tonal whiplash from part 1 and frankly, had this not been a book club pick I would have DNF’d at the beginning of part 2 so quickly.

That’s a big issue I have with this. The parts don’t have much of a narrative through line, not really. The time jumps are janky and messy, we’re tossed in the deep end constantly. I think if the book had begun with part 2, I wouldn’t have minded the deep-endedness, that’s how books are at first. Have part 1 be a prologue or split up in flashbacks. But no, you read part 1, get accustomed to what the book is, and then quick as a whip you’re in a completely different novel altogether. It doesn’t read as cute or clever, but rather awkward and annoying.

While the beginning of part 2 has flimsy explanations of what leshy and vintovik are, as well as other Russian creatures and characters, it’s all missile launched at you so quickly you don’t have time to actually absorb any of it.

The Book Doesn’t Breathe

Boy howdy, for a story with Buyan, where the buildings literally have flesh and blood, it sure doesn’t leave space for air. Like I mentioned before, it often tosses unfamiliar terminology, stories, archetypes, and situations at you all at once without a moment’s notice. If the book is trying to cater to a new adult demographic in America, it doesn’t do an adequate job of hosting the reader in this new strange world. It’s a shame, really, because Valente describes things incredibly vividly and beautifully. Description in this book? Great. However, it feels as though character and plot development were sacrificed in the process. You’re yanked from one cast to the next, and Marya has very little impact on anything at all.

Okay, so, Naganya is this spunky steampunk-like troll creature. One of the main (thus, new) characters in part 2. She’s introduced as a close friend of Marya’s, which, okay. Moving on. They go on a wacky adventure! You see their relationship organically. While you’re still frustrated there was no build, you’re kinda on board. Okay, great. End of part 2? Naganya’s murdered. Slaughtered, in fact, pretty brutally. Gone, dead. Didn’t matter. Moving on to part 3’s cast!

While Naganya’s ghost is referenced and Marya’s like, “F in the chat, that was a bummer dude,” that’s about all we get. Again, there’s no insight into whether she gives a damn. She uses sentences like “I loved my friends, them being dead is a downer” but it’s extremely tell-don’t-show. The thing is, in part 3, it’s ten years later and Marya is a hardened war general in her late 20s who simply doesn’t have the time or emotional energy to deal with that stuff.

Marya, Paperdoll Protagonist

I was watching a video essay where the essayist mentioned that Disney princesses in the Disney Renaissance were passive protagonists. Even if they were the main character, the story wasn’t about their growth and development, but rather it was about them being a free spirited teen who eventually settles down with a man. The heroes get the emotional arcs, not the heroines. Nearly all princesses from this era were more just placed in a setting and waded through it as things happened around them. Flat, unchanging, stagnant, like dolls.

Marya is like that.

Our protagonist never has any agency in the book. She’s groomed as a child, pushed around by Baba Yaga in part 2, pushed around by her husbands in part 3, and so on. She literally is just rolling with the punches. At a couple points she mentions wanting to free a bunch of sweatshop workers, but the narrative doesn’t budge, but rather tells her “no,” and railroads her forward in the predestined plot line like a bad D&D Dungeon Master.

Now, real quick, I don’t necessarily think this is inherently a bad thing as a narrative. Highlighting Marya’s lack of agency could be interesting and lead to a story that’s satisfying to read. It might not be how I would want a heroine to be treated but hey, different strokes. Here’s the problem: some Russian readers and reviewers have pointed out that this is absolutely antithetical to who Marya was in original Russian folklore. She was a warrior queen. She didn’t have to beg and cajole her way to power, she had it all along. Subverting traditional fairytales is also not inherently bad, though it’s been pointed out that this subversion in particular does a disservice to the character. Not to mention that Valente isn’t Russian herself, didn’t grow up listening to these tales, but rather seems to have appropriated them for her own gain. I’m not Russian, I can’t speak to whether or not Valente mistreated original texts, but I encourage readers to look into reviews written by Russian people who’ve read and reacted to the book. (Note: in the interest of attempting to be balanced, there is a review from a Russian who really liked Valente’s treatment, so there’s also that.)

Here are some of the more critical reviews:

Nastassja’s Review

Kogiopsis’s Review (which links to a couple others as well)

Liz’s Review

Did I cherry-pick these reviews because they aligned with my feelings? Yeah, admittedly, I did, and I encourage anyone to read through all of the reviews at their leisure if they’re really interested in potentially reading, because most of the reviews are good ones.

The Diptych Conspiracy: A Space Opera

The strangest thing I found while reading Deathless actually has nothing to do with the text itself, but rather the metatextual… idk, nature? of the book. As of now, and seemingly since very early after Deathless was published in 2011, it’s been marketed as part of a series called the Leningrad Diptych.

Valente announced on her personal blog that there would be a companion book of sorts that didn’t follow the same storyline as Deathless, but was made to act as a spiritual parallel.

She announced that Deathless would have a twin, Matryoshka, which was picked up by Tor, the same publisher who published Deathless, to be released in 2015. That’s where things get sticky.

If you google “matryoshka valente,” you get a couple of hits. When you click those hits, they take you to webpages that allegedly are selling Matryoshka according to titles and headers on the page. However, the book listed was published in 2019, not 2015. And the book’s description has nothing about Russian folklore or historical fiction, but something about a metagalactic space empire. And also, the book cover says it’s called Space Opera.

???????????????????

I wasn’t alone in my confusion though, thanks to this gem of a comment on Goodreads:

Apparently, at some point, the twin in the Leningrad Diptych was listed as an entry on Goodreads at one point. It was unnamed at the time, perhaps the title wasn’t announced for publishing yet. Then, inexplicably, Valente (who is a Goodreads author and therefore is able to edit her profile and her book entries) overwrote the entry entirely. Apparently, Matryoshka has been “postponed indefinitely.” I can’t find official word on this, but nothing has been mentioned about this book since 2013, so I have to assume that’s correct.

Okay, then why overwrite the entry? Why transform Matryoshka into Space Opera, this confusing some auto-updated websites and more importantly confusing me, 7 years later, at 2am when I have COVID and can’t sleep?

I have absolutely no basis for this, but I have a theory. Valente announces Matryoshka and creates a listing on Goodreads for the upcoming book (was the book actually okayed for publishing? Could she have announced it before it was played so her following pushed the publisher into okaying it? Probably not likely and I don’t know, but that’s besides the point). Anyway, she gets all this hype up about this new book, and Goodreads users add it to their to-read lists.

Then, something happens. The book is trunked, writer’s block happens, 30-50 feral hogs destroy all the existing copies, the publisher cancels it, whatever. It’s a bummer (no, really, I know I dumped on Deathless earlier but I’d be interested in the companion novel). Life goes on, Valente writes a new novel, sci-fi this time. That’s a completely different genre though, and fans might be antsy if you announce Space Opera while Matryoshka is theoretically still on the table.

So you simply overwrite the entry. Wipe Matryoshka from Goodreads, swap it with Space Opera when no one is looking.

Now, a bunch of people have your new sci-fi book on their to-read list and are none the wiser. When the book is finally released in 2019, they all get notifications that the book they want is ready, hooray! Most don’t bat an eye, maybe reserve a copy. Some might go, “oh, I don’t remember saving this book, but here it is. And it’s an author I like, so I must’ve done it.” Plus, everyone on their friends list gets a lil nudge in their algorithms that’s like “hey, Sue marked Space Opera as want-to-read. I’ll bet you’d like it too.” Your unknown sci-fi novel is suddenly in front of a lot of eyeballs and on a lot of wishlists, while the previous book is quietly swept under the rug. Success. You never mention the other book again. Matryoshka, who?

But again, I’m looking waaaaay too far into this. As of first writing this It’s 2am, I’m on day three of COVID-aligned symptoms, still waiting for my test results which is scary, therefore I can’t sleep. Also I’m a little bored.

Anyway, Deathless was alright I guess.

[homesteadchronicles]

10 Questions Tag

Thank you so much for tagging me, @songsofaleria! You had such interesting answers, and I wanted to ensure that I could give the same enthusiasm with my responses. Buckle up, y’all! You might learn a thing or two about moi.

1. What are you characters favorite foods/snacks?

What’s sad is that I have a hard time answering this solely because I am not a snack person. Blasphemy, I know - I just prefer whole meals! If we’re talking modern-day snacks? Oeden’s chowing down on salt and vinegar chips, Royan would be a Twinkies guy (no jokes, please, spare my boy), Medea’s a cinnamon girl - the kind that scarfs down Hot Tamales like they’re nothing, Carmila would snack on individual pretzel sticks while she works (and is the kind to suck the salt clean off of them because she keeps getting lost in thought while they’re in her mouth), Farukh would be a jerky guy, and Kasumi’s the kind to carry around little veggie packets and dip.

If we’re talking in-universe snacks? Come on. Fantasy worlds don’t have fun snacks! Although I did write one excerpt with Oeden and his mom, Nadielle, chowing down on spiced pufferfish spines which I’m relatively sure are not a real thing...and likely should not be.

2. What playlists do you listen to when writing?

I made a playlist of worship songs for my friends who are newer to my church and I’ve been jamming to that while I write because it’s the only lyric-inclusive music I can listen to that won’t interfere with my writing. Plus, because writing can drain my body and darken my thoughts, I need something positive and godly to revitalize me and keep me centered.

3. Which OC is/was your favorite to create?

There’s one character I’ve talked about in passing, but I haven’t dedicated an entire section to him yet. I don’t know if he’s my favorite, but he has a special place in my heart: Algon. He pays homage to one of my personal heroes and mentors, so there’s always a giddy little part of my heart when I get to write him. Plus, the development he goes through is...well, heartbreaking, but also beautiful over time.

4. What is the first book you read that made you cry?

Oh gosh, I can’t remember! I was a big crybaby when I was little, so I probably wept at the slightest thing gone wrong. Aslan dying in The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe always got me.

5. Do you hide any secrets in your books as a way of foreshadowing?

If you read something in my stories, assume it will eventually foreshadow something. I treat my books as a game of I-Spy, wondering when readers will find the most hidden clues I snuck in there.

6. What is the most difficult part of your writing process?

This might sound strange, but knowing when it’s “right”. I’m a perfectionist, an INFJ, and a Type One Enneagram - otherwise known as someone who is paralyzed by the thought of doing something wrong. I don’t just write for fun, I write to do what I believe I’m meant to do in my life. And if something I produced was lesser than what was meant? If I wasted my time or led someone down the wrong path because I did it wrong? Game over for me. I spend SO much time deciding whether I’ve had this character do the right thing, built the world correctly, etc. that it’s...crippling, to be honest.

7. Which of your characters would you liked like to meet/get to know irl?

You know, I had a lot of different answers to this...but I’m gonna go with Kasumi. I have a habit of befriending people who need my guidance or leadership and/or people who make me laugh and are fun but aren’t deep enough to hang with me intimately. Kasumi, while deeply flawed, is someone who would want to help me as much as I help her. She’d listen, she’d advise, she’d protect, she’d spend time making art with me, we could go adventuring when necessary and stay inside when we’re down. I feel like we could be besties in a heartbeat!

8. Was there a situation in your writing that you took from your own life?

There are snippets and themes that I use, as everyone does, as inspiration. But generally, I try to limit that because I don’t want it seeming self-insert-y. However, there are a few specific instances and issues I feel personally convicted to write upon based on my experiences with and overcoming of them. But none of the situations in my stories are one-on-one parallels.

9. Do your characters have reoccurring symbolism in their dreams?

HOO BOY! You opened a whole can of worms for one character in particular: Oeden. I’ve changed what his dreams entail eighteen thousand times, but he always envisions a vault (which is a main theme in my story, and certainly no secret) long before he ever finds it. Lots of other things, too: torn wedding veils, man made into gods, blood poured on white moons, angels in plain sight, and an unknown voice calling out to him. You know, totally normal dream stuff!

10. Which Hogwarts houses would you sort your characters into?

I’ve def done this before, but I don’t remember everyone’s. I think it was: Royan is Gryffinpuff, Oeden is Slytherclaw, Medea is Slytherin, Farukh is Slytherdor, Briggid is Ravenclaw, Kasumi is Hufflepuff, Carmila is...crap, I can’t remember! 

Questions for Those Tagged to Answer: 1. When you find a book at the store, what about it makes you decide to buy it or put it back on the shelf?  2. What would your book’s ideal cover look like, should you have access to any artist you’d want and any resources you would need to make it a reality? 3. If you could rewrite one story - be it a book, game, movie, show, etc. - which would it be and why? 4. Have you ever given a story a second chance and liked it better the next time through? What caused your opinion to change? 5. What do you believe endears an audience to a character? 6. What kind of romances do you prefer to read about and/or watch unfold? (Soft and shy, hot and sexy, slow burn, enemies to lovers, etc.) 7. What type of AU’s are your guilty pleasures, be they for your stories or for others? (Modern, High School/University, Coffee Shop, Vampires, etc.) 8. If only one age demographic would ever read your books, which would you choose and why? 9. If you could pay homage to one person in your life through your stories and/or characters, who would it be and why? 10. If every reader walked away from your story having been changed in one significant way, what would you want it to be and why?

Tagging: @rhavencroft, @incandescent-creativity, @fair-folk-nonsense, @stardustspiral, @ardawyn, @lady-redshield-writes, @feathered-quill, @hannahs-creations, @cogesque, @merigreenleaf

[gothamloveforever]

May 3, 2019 Great article about how the Gotham cast wants to reprise their roles!

In closing out its final season, Gotham launched viewers to the point in Gotham City's future when Bruce Wayne finally returned to his crime-ridden home turf in full Dark Knight glory. Of course, the episode held its focus on all the other colorful and iconic characters that have populated Gotham throughout its five seasons, granting Jim Gordon, Barbara Kean, Oswald Cobblepot, Ed Nygma and others a fond comic-book-infused farewell. But could these characters return in our future one day?

The #1 hope, of course, is for another network or studio to hurry up and pick up where Gotham left off, but even if it takes time, there are feasible ways to jump back into Gotham's story. It's not likely that every single cast member would be able to pick back up where their characters left off, but CinemaBlend asked a handful of stars, including Cameron Monaghan, if they would be down to return. Let's run through their answers.

Cameron Monaghan - Jeremiah / J / The Joker

Of all the elements that made Gotham such a blazing romp, its greatest weapon was the sporadically utilized Cameron Monaghan, who inspired increasingly Joker-esque pandemonium as both Jerome and Jeremiah Valeska, as well as the finale's Mr. J. Oker. (Not the actual character name, but wouldn't that be a hoot.) Thinking about Gotham returning in the future without Monaghan's sadistic villain – or even just his laugh – is a bummer, so it's a good thing we don't need to do that.

CinemaBlend spoke with Cameron Monaghan for this year's Television Critics Association winter press tour, which took place ahead of the finale's airing, but after the principal photography was shot. The actor was very pumped for fans to get a load of Jeremiah's final turn, and I had to ask if he would be interested in reprising Gotham's version of The Joker in the future. His response:

“Yeah, maybe. I think that it just depends on the context that it's within. I think that this specific version probably wouldn't be used if I was to return to it. It would be in a different capacity. It's like one of those things, because The Joker, to me, is like the most distilled version of an antagonist ever, and he is the counterpoint to whatever he's in a scene against. And he needs to shift depending on the context around him. So if I was to return back with these characters, he would probably be different, and reinvented again, you know? It's one of those things where he has to be completely tailor-made to the tone and the story of whatever it is he's a part of. So I would be willing to go back if the story was good and it made sense, but it would probably be different.”

 The last time we got to see Cameron Monaghan's Joker was in his first face-off against Bruce Wayne's Batman, although it was a severely short-lived one. The scarred-up J took a Batarang through the hand, and then one to the top of the dome, which knocked him clean out, though it definitely didn't kill him.

Considering the finale was viewers's big introduction to the post-Arkham Jeremiah, it would make total sense for his next appearance to head down a different creative route. Assuming the next Gotham project would get to feature more of Batman, that would automatically change the writers' approach to weaving a Joker storyline into it. And I'd love to see it, if someone can just make it happen. Someone?

Ben McKenzie - Commissioner Jim Gordon

If there was a load-bearing character on Gotham, it would definitely be Ben McKenzie's Jim Gordon, as close to a working-class superhero as there is. The fact that the finale even hinted at him trying to quit the GCPD was surprising, given the character's legacy, but the story obviously worked itself out in Gotham City's favor. Even if he had to shave to make it happen.

I also got to talk to Ben McKenzie during TCA, where we talked about him facing fellow former teen hunk Shane West as Bane. McKenzie is a pragmatic actor who loved his time on Gotham, even if he didn't flip out with excitement over Batman's arrival. But would he return to play Jim Gordon again someday? His answer:

 Sure. Possibly. I mean I think that, in the right context, sure. I think this, for what we were doing here, we really bookended it in a way that feels true and honest to the characters that have been fleshed out here. So this feels like a real ending. But if in the future, it were to come back around again in some way, yeah of course, I'd always be open to thinking about and talking about that, and doing it possibly. I mean, I've mainly played three characters in 15 years, you know? Three different shows, and each of them kind of stick with you a little bit, and it's fun to re-explore and think about again, if you haven't thought about them a lot.

 Three different shows that might seemingly have three very different fan demographics, too. Ben McKenzie starred in both the teen drama The O.C. and the non-comic cop drama Southland before hanging his hat in Gotham City, and I've no doubt that fans of both of those shows would love to see them get revived in some form or fashion.

 Regardless of any of that, though, Ben McKenzie sounds like he'd be willing to slick his hair back anew to lead the GCPD against whatever dangerous threats lie over the horizon. Just imagine if the newest recruit on the squad was his Southland character Ben Sherman, and if Joker's newest henchman was The O.C.'s Ryan Atwell.

 Robin Lord Taylor - Oswald Cobblepot / The Penguin

After five seasons of watching Robin Lord Taylor committing some Penguin-lite acts as Oswald Cobblepot, Gotham fans were introduced to the most genuine iteration of The Penguin that TV has seen since Burgess Meredith waddled around for the 60's Batman series. The penultimate episode injured his eye to set up the monocle, and a rough decade in Arkham Asylum led to his weight gain and heightened levels of frustrated anger.

I got to talk to Robin Lord Taylor on the phone just ahead of the finale's airing, and he seemed to still be riding that one-of-a-kind Gotham high, championing the work he got to do alongside Cory Michael Smith as Ed Nygma. When I asked Taylor if he would ever want to get uncomfortable in The Penguin's signature garb again in the future, he was down, but only if his co-stars were making the return with him.

“Absolutely. I totally would. It would have to be the right circumstances. I don't think I could do it...in fact, I know I couldn't do it unless the actors I worked with on Gotham came back as well. It's like, there's no way I could be in a scene with a different Riddler. I couldn't do it. It wouldn't be justice. It would be blasphemous to what we had done before. So again, if the circumstances were right, in a heartbeat I would be there.”

 As great as Oswald and Ed were in Gotham's first 99 episodes, seeing them in pure Penguin 'n' Riddler glory was a gloriously batty punctuation mark on the series' run. (A question mark, of course.) Any follow-up version of Gotham would be severely lacking if Taylor's Oswald and Smith's Ed were absent. However, Robin Lord Taylor wouldn't begrudge another team picking up where the Fox drama left off. In his words:

 “You never know. All I put out there is that whoever takes up the mantle of the Dark Knight or any of the amazing characters that we got to put in Gotham, that they have as beautiful a crew and cast as we have. Because that's really the success of the show. It was built on the backs of many. No one takes full credit for being successful in this show. We all came together in this spectacular moment, and I feel like we just made something really amazing, and I'm just so proud of it.”

 Again, it should be stated that any future Gotham-y project that doesn't have Robin Lord Taylor's Penguin and Cory Michael Smith's Riddler is not the ideal iteration of that project. So other decisions should probably be made. Soon.

 David Mazouz - Bruce Wayne / The Dark Knight

David Mazouz's potential to return to Gotham's universe would a little trickier than what would happen for the others. As viewers witnessed – or didn't witness, as it were – Mazouz's Bruce Wayne was completely absent from the series finale, which wasn't announced ahead of time like Camren Bicondova's absence was. (She was replaced as Selina by Lily Simmons.) That was, of course, due to the actor's young age not exactly matching up with Bruce's for the finale's flash-forward.

As such, I didn't directly ask him about reprising Bruce Wayne for a future Gotham project, I did ask if he'd be down to play Batman on the big screen. His answer did not take long to formulate.

“Oh, absolutely. I think I would need to be a little bit older, a little bit taller.”

"I know there's a new Bruce that's going to be cast soon. I'm sure whoever they cast is going to do an incredible job. All I can say is that it's my philosophy that if you're going to do something, do it well. There's no point in doing something a half-assed. That's kind of always how I've functioned. So I feel because of what I've taken on, I sometimes decline challenges because I say to myself, 'I know I'm not going to be able to do my best on that.' And that's not acceptable to me. If I do something, I'm going to do my best. And I think this job was no exception, and it's pushed me to some limits and it's challenged me in ways that I'm forever grateful for. I feel like this role has changed me in so many ways, and this experience has changed me in so many ways, and all for the better. And I know it sounds so cliche and like, you've heard it a million times, but I'm just so grateful. It really comes down to that.”

 All that said, David Mazouz spoke so highly of his experience on Gotham, especially in the final season, that he would very likely return for more small screen vigilantism should anyone come calling. Now, someone, start calling!

Gotham is over on Fox now, but there's always the hope for more in the future. While waiting for Season 5 to hit streaming, you can watch the first four seasons on Netflix, while Hulu is still hosting the final five episodes of the series.

[raybansandcoffee]

The Beatles, Saville Row, and a little bit of Harry + Annie in London Calling

50 years ago today The Beatles played their final public performance. It was on the rooftop of the Apple Records building at 3 Saville Row. It’s a moment in history that I’d give anything to visit if I could time travel. To see the people stopping in their tracks to look up and see the biggest band in the world performing live for free to anyone walking down the street. 

The Beatles are the band that has influenced my life the most. They were my mother’s favorite band and one of the few bands that my Mom and Dad both liked. There’s not likely to ever be another band or musician that has the level of influence on me that they still do. They are the reason I started collecting vinyl. They are the reason I passed a few classes because of papers I wrote throughout my years in school. They are the band that wrote the words that will forever be imprinted on my soul. They are also the band that inspired the name of the company I own.

That moment was also an inspiration for part of Harry and Annie’s first date in London Calling. I couldn’t let this anniversary pass by without sharing that scene, one of my favorites that I wrote for Harry and Annie. I hope you enjoy this little look back on London Calling

He pulled up to a curb and parked.

“Saville Row? Really? Did you know I loved fashion?”

“Well yes but it’s known for men’s suits, so not quite your fashion.” He was laughing.

“I know but I’m not gonna lie, a man in a well-tailored suit to me is better than a naked man. ZZ Top said it best, every girl’s crazy ‘bout a sharp dressed man.”

“Well, the real reason I brought you here is because of one of the bands we have a mutual love for.” It took me a second and then it dawned on me.

“The last performance. How did I forget that Apple Records was on Saville Row?” I asked.

“Not sure but I’m a bit disappointed for a girl who claims to have written term papers on The Beatles.”

“I did! I swear I did. Totally aced the class because of that term paper. I told the prof it was hard to do only because we had to have three sources and there’s no way to add my brain to a bibliography.” He laughed at me again. “I mean I wrote an entire book on The Beatles in the 5th or 6th grade. My mother still has it. Bright pink cover and all. It was for a music class. And reading it now I can’t help but laugh, my writing was horrendous.” We got out of the car and started down the street towards 3 Saville Row. We approached the building and from the start of the second floor to the roof, I knew what it was. “I love why you picked this but can I be honest about something?” I asked.

“You hate it. Me too,” he said laughing and smiling at me. We were both on the opposite side of the street staring at the hideous monstrosity on the ground floor. 

“Top reasons why 3 Saville Row sucks now,” I started. “It ruins the appearance of the architecture and appearance of this street.”

“It ruins the integrity of the fashion this street became famous for,” he added.

“And it’s a fucking Abercrombie Kids,” I said no longer resisting the belly laughs I had been holding back. “One of the greatest, if not the single greatest moment in music history took place right in front of us. Businessmen came out of their offices, customers out of the tailors, there were people on rooftops, people walking down the street stopped and looked up to see the most famous band in the world play live for the very last time. And now it’s occupied by a company that promotes a skewed sense of beauty to an impressionable demographic that shouldn’t be taught that the thinner you are the better you are. That curves are something to hate. That you are only as great as your thigh gap is wide and that you don’t need to be intelligent, just pretty. That they killed the steps that so many people sat upon to say to themselves, maybe Paul McCartney sat here once, to install a giant black storefront and pump cologne in through the air vents.”

“I knew it was a risk bringing you here. I’ve learned enough about you to know that you’d rant and go off about this. But it’s one of the things I like most about you. You’re passionate. You fight for what you believe in and you aren’t afraid to argue with anyone until you are blue in the face. But I also know that you love the history of this building enough that what I’m about to do will touch you in a way that it would very few people in the world.” 

I turned to look at him and watched as his iPhone appeared from his pocket. I watched him click away a bit before he slid one of the earbuds attached to the phone into my left ear and the other into his right. Playing through them was The Beatles, live on the rooftop of Apple Records Headquarters at 3 Saville Row. I stood on my tip toes and pressed my lips against his as the opening of “Get Back” filled my ears. He knew me in this way I didn’t think was possible. The kiss ended and he wrapped his arms around me, hugging my body to his and quietly singing along with Lennon and McCartney. I pulled my camera off of my shoulder without moving out of his grasp and held it out at arm’s length snapping a picture of the two of us standing together. He started to sway to the music.

“Who knew you were such a romantic?” I smiled up at him.

“Bringing you to the archetype of what you hate about corporate society is romantic?” I laughed at him.

“Well no. That’s something that’s seriously stupid. You’ve heard me rant before, this could’ve gone bad. But you brought me to a place where something so incredible took place. Something that even though it happened 15 years before I was born changed my world. You wanted us to be in the presence of such greatness. Wanting to play the concert to me while standing on the sidewalk so we could try to imagine what it would’ve been like if you and I were standing here on that day in 1969. It’s romantic.”

“You would’ve been one of the posh girls standing on the street who sweet-talked someone to get on to their rooftop.”

“You would’ve been who I sweet talked.” He bent down to my lips again.

“Well I hope I passed the audition.” And gone in an instant was our sweet moment. I slugged Harry in the arm. 

“You’re funny. Quoting Lennon to me. Now, do you want to go into Abercrombie and unfold all of the clothes on the tables?” I asked giving him a devilish grin.

“No, that’s just mean.”

“Telling children that they should starve themselves at 10 to have the waistline of an 8-year-old is mean. I’m just being funny.”

“Oh, my passionate and fiery little one. Love, you make me laugh. Alright on to our next stop,” he said as he grabbed my hand and we walked back to the car. 

This makes me miss Annie and Harry a lot. They left such an indelible mark on my soul. It’s hard to keep myself from revisiting their world daily.

So I have to ask...what’s your favorite Beatles song?

[welcometowcwmondaynitro]

WCW Monday Nitro 22/07/1996

WCW opens this week with a shot of Mickey Mouse...

Because why not, I guess. As Tony welcomes us to the program we get a better image of the entrance area:

Probably should have opened with that instead of Mickey to be honest, but what do I know?

We’re treated to a shot on Tony and Larry Z with a VERY excited guy to their left.

That dude is ready for some WCW action. Going to be brutally honest and say neither of those shirts do Larry or Tony any favours.

Schaivone talks about the Olympic Games and Muhammad Ali lightning the torch at the opening ceremony. They then show video of Bishcoff giving a cheque to Ali at Halloween Havoc 1994, for a charity of some kind I assume.

Ali in his prime would have been 100% nWo, for the record. 

As Tony continues to go on about this, there are two ladies in the crowd looking very confused:

Like the cameraman is actually an alien or something.

They then switch to Shaq with Hogan, for some reason...

Again, from years ago. Not sure what relevance this has to the current program. Shaq looks like he’s just realised Jimmy Hart is squeezing his ass, though.

Tony says they will have an answer tonight from the Giant as to whether he’ll accept Hogan’s challenge for the Hog Wild PPV on August 10th. Larry says the Dungeon of Doom will force the Giant to defend his title against Hogan. Because you obviously can’t say no to Sullivan and those stupid, painted on eyebrows.

They show the Outsiders’ bedsheet stunt from last week (it’s amazing how much of the Outsiders they show on this program, considering they apparently don’t want them there).

Our first match begins 3 minutes and 30 seconds into the program. The Blue Bloods music is playing and I’m hoping it’s No Fucks Given Steven Regal, but unfortunately it’s just Squire Dave Taylor along with Jeeves. 

Tony says this is “the hottest ticket in Orlando”, which is funny as I’m not sure the people there actually paid for tickets. I could be wrong but I think they were just allowed in as general park guests.   

Next out is the eternally pissed off Scott Norton. The commentators tell us that Ice Train Vs Scott Norton has been signed for Hog Wild, on the basis of last week’s argument I guess.

 “Squire” Dave Taylor Vs Scott Norton

The Squire is the bad guy here, pretty much just because he isn’t American. The crowd chant “USA” at the start of the match to confirm Taylor is not welcome. This match consists largely of Taylor hitting about twenty european uppercuts whilst running into Norton a few times and falling over. Then this happens. 

Taylor is thrown over the top rope onto the floor. No big deal, right? WRONG. The ref calls for the fucking bell and disqualifies Norton. There is no crowd reaction whatsoever. This was a total waste of time for all involved.

“Squire” Dave Taylor defeats Scott Norton via Disqualification.

The pair of them brawl on the outside for a while as Tony and Larry finally catch up to the fact Norton has been disqualified, as if the bell ringing constantly wasn’t a big enough indicator. 

Norton carries Taylor on his back past the announce team, including the silent blonde woman, and they all duck to avoid being hit by Taylor’s boot or Norton’s girth. Taylor then just kind of falls off Norton’s back and rolls onto the floor. The referee declares Taylor the winner, and he’s very pleased with this. 

Wonderful. Jeez, have only 7 minutes of this show gone by so far?

IRS, aka VK Wallstreet, is cutting a pre-taped promo for his upcoming match against Konnan.

You’ve gotta love the dollar symbol on his jacket. Just to let you know he’s all about money.

Anyway, he tells Konnan that “VK Wallstreet knows international markets and knows international superstars”, he calls K-Dogg the “kingpin of Mexico” but that there’s going to be a “hostile takeover” and Konnan had better be ready. He says this with all the intensity of an infomercial about the benefits of herbal soap.

We come back and Mean Gene is with Arn Anderson, Mongo, Benoit, Debra, Woman and Liz.

They’ve set up that fucking VIP area again. WHY CANDLESTICKS? IT’S STILL LIGHT AND THEY AREN’T EVEN LIT. WHY A MASSIVE PINEAPPLE AND A BIG BOWL OF FRUIT? 

Well, at lest they’re using the area I suppose. Gene asks where Flair is. Anderson says it might be a question in Gene’s mind but it isn’t in any of theirs. He says Flair likes expensive cars and beautiful women, but that he likes one thing more than anything else. Gene says “he likes to showboat” and Arn continues “he likes to make an entrance”. I suppose that’s broadly the same thing. Arn says Flair will be here “right on cue” then takes a bite out of an apple. 

Doesn’t look very tasty.

Gene switches to Mongo and says he’s got his work cut out for him tonight. Mongo yells “OH! Thank you Mean Gene” and says it’s been his pleasure to “take care of a few pretty boys in the WCW” and now he gets a shot at the “real pretty boys” in Macho, Luger and Sting. One of those three fits that description a lot less than the others. Mongo is certainly happy though.

Okerlund suggests to Benoit that Sting, Luger and Macho Man might take out their frustrations regarding the nWo on the Horsemen tonight. Chris Benoit says the three of them will experience the crippler first hand, “unrelentless, vicious, merciless. Silent but violent”

Not sure what the fuck Arn is doing with his face here - did he bite into a sour part of the apple? - but for the record “unrelentless” isn’t a word. You could tell Benoit knew he’d fucked up as he paused briefly after saying it... but it was too late. 

Gene gets a bit too comfortable and asks Mongo for a banana. Mongo pretends to throw it at Gene, who reacts like Mongo is about to chuck a rock at him.

Arn is also holding up a banana. 

Our second match is set to begin. 

Why this guy is wrestling rather than checking the stock market or whatever else is beyond me. There’s an “IRS” chant as he comes out. 

Next out is Konnan looking... colourful.

I swear these guys both came out to the exact same generic, plodding instrumental rock song. Most people are cheering Konnan, but...

Check out the guy on the right. He is booing and giving the thumbs down to Konnan as aggressively as he possibly can. He looks fucking enraged. There is a sharp contrast in style between him and the three beside him. 

Konnan Vs VK Wallstreet

Larry says that Konnan wants the US title back because “he might not get back into the country without it”. It’s not a green card, Larry. 

There’s a fat kid in the front row entertaining himself by doing poses.

In fairness the match is nothing to get excited about. 

VK “IRS” Wallstreet dominates the match and spends the bulk of it working on Konnan’s leg. At one point Larry starts talking about putting women in their place again, but Tony shuts it down straight away. 

Fat kid and his mother or father (can’t really tell) are waving at the camera a lot. 

Well at least they’re having fun I guess. Dat Marvin the Martian t-shirt.

There’s a lot of rest holds in this one. Fairly sure I heard some “boring” chants. 

Match ends when Wallstreet hits Konnan with a samoan drop (which Tony calls the “Wall Street Crash” - geddit?) but then Konnan rolls him up for the pin and this one is over.

Konnan defeats VK Wallstreet via Pin.

Okerlund is back with Sting, Luger and the Macho Man.

Sting is half-hopping on one leg like he forgot to take a piss before he came out. 

Gene notes to Lex Luger that Flair isn’t here yet. Luger says Flair is “probably somewhere”. Yes, you’d hope so. Luger says that last week he got “stomped into a mudhole” (but wasn’t walked dry), “but where were (sic) everybody else? The Stinger and the Macho were in Japan”. He pauses for a moment, giving the camera a look...

Before repeating multiple times that they are here to make “a statement” - seriously, he says this about five times in the space of a minute. 

Sting says that there’s only one guy around here who rides around here in a “big fat limo” and he can “stick it” ... Gene’s face here is hilarious.

Um...

Anyway, Sting says he doesn’t care where Flair is, he just wants to chomp on a Horseman tonight. Alrighty. 

Gene says to Savage that he knows the Horsemen very well. Macho yells that he just wants to fight everybody and get it over with in one night. Oh, Macho, if only you knew.

Another Glacier promo airs. It’s funny because the original promos said “Glacier - coming July 1996″, then it changed to “Glacier - coming soon” and now it just says “Glacier”. From what I remember he debuted in September, so... yeah. Not sure what the delay was other than the realisation Glacier was a really shit concept... but I suppose after all the money spent on vignettes they felt they had to put him out there. We’ll get to that.

Tony says we’re about to see a “brand new 8-man tag”, as if that hasn’t been done before, then there’s a vignette on the participants. It starts with the four of them just... standing on some bridge, whilst generic rock music plays.

I think that’s “jobber” Jim Powers on the right, aloof from the group. He’s way too cool to be standing around with those dorks. Then Powers is walking towards us on the sand taking his shirt off, so we’re now essentially watching Baywatch...

He throws down the t-shirt aggressively, like he’s angry, but we don’t know what he’s angry about. Did he open the fridge and find that his last can of tuna had been eaten? Did he find his girlfriend cheating on him with another dude? Did another wrestler steal his “happy juice”? We’ll never know. I’ve just realised Powers is what would happen if you fused early 90′s Scott Steiner with Rhyno. 

Anyhow, we basically see the exact same shots of Joe Gomez, Alex Wright and the Renegade. Close ups of their faces followed by them walking towards us on the sand taking their shirts off whilst the same generic rock music plays. WCW does realise this show is watched largely by men, right? I mean, I’m sure some guys enjoyed that, but I can’t help but think the general demographic isn’t going to be enthused by these guys posing like they’re in a crossover between Baywatch and a boy band video.

The original JOB squad. 

We thankfully cut back to the arena (where that same fucking song still is playing) and Tony says this will be a “wild and woolly” eight man tag. I’m pretty sure only half of that description makes sense. 

Schiavone tells us a “new member” of the Dungeon of Doom is about to be revealed in this eight man tag. This should be good. Sullivan did say he wanted to bring “all athletes” into the Dungeon so maybe it’ll be Linford Christie. 

Three members of the DoD come out (along with Jimmy Hart), then suddenly a ginger guy wearing stereotypical old Irish clothes comes running out. As he sprints around the ring baring his teeth like a rabid dog, Tony says that he’s called “the leprechaun”. 

I mean, it’s not worse than “the Shark”, but for goodness sake. It’s basically a normal-sized version of Hornswoggle acting like he has the infection from 28 Days Later. This guy is better known as Sgt. Buddy Lee Parker and was one of the main trainers at the WCW Power Plant. This was clearly a demonstration of how some gimmicks will leave you dead on arrival.

The Original JOB Squad Vs The Dungeon of Doom

We are literally about ten seconds into the match before Tony says “there’s a disturbance in the back” and the cameraman literally turns away from the ring and starts running towards the backstage area. Because fuck the match. Some asshole is constantly blowing a whistle, also, which is annoying as hell.

We see a bit more of the match before cutting again to the back.

Hard to see in the dark light but basically the Outsiders have entered the production truck, which evidently has absolutely no security in place whatsoever. It’s amazing how Hall and Nash are pretty much able to do as they please with no security there to try and intervene. 

The Outsiders make the screen fade to black in and out. Tony and Larry are asking how and why Hall and Nash are able to waltz in and just start fucking around with a pretty huge TV show’s live production. Good questions.

Hall and Nash put in headsets and start directing camera shots. Obviously as the TV cameras are actually focused on them they are literally affecting nothing, but... whatever. They look like they’re having a lot of fun, and in fairness this is probably more entertaining than the match going on in the ring.

We do start seeing random crowd pans. 

This kid’s tank top appears to be a few sizes too big. It’s literally falling off him. At first I thought it said “milf” along the top but I don’t think it does. I’m fairly sure that wasn’t a term in 1996. Those were more innocent days. 

WCW yellowshirt security finally arrives and calmly ushers the Outsiders out of the production truck, telling them “we’re trying to do a show”. No shit. 

We go back to the match, which Tony calls “high impact”. We wouldn’t know because we’ve literally seen nothing of it. Schiavone is getting more and more upset by the Outsiders being at “master control”, as he keeps calling it, and says “it’s a crime”. Well... yes, it probably is. 

As Jim “Jobber” Powers stands around outside the ring...

Holla! Teddy Long comes out and informs him next week on Nitro HE’S GOING ONE ON ONE WITH... no, no he doesn’t. We can’t really hear what he’s saying because Zybszko is yelling, asking why Long is out there. 

Powers is fired up by whatever Teddy says and starts cleaning house on the Dungeon. The match breaks down, then out comes the Giant.

He chokeslams the Renegade, Gomez, Powers and “Junior Hitler” Alex Wright. The jobbers are disposed of, the match is obviously thrown out.

The Original JOB Squad defeat The Dungeon of Doom via Disqualification.

Giant accepts a well deserved round of applause for ending that match.

Okerlund rushes to the ring to get involved. He tells Jimmy Hart “you scare me... especially when you’re behind me like that.”

OK. By the way, check out the back of Jimmy’s jacket.

Now if the Taskmaster actually made the effort to put that facepaint on then he’d actually look slightly less stupid. Instead he just chucks on a couple of silly eyebrows and says “that’ll do”. Put a little pride in your work, Sullivan.

Gene asks Giant whether or not he’ll accept Hogan’s challenge for Hog Wild. Giant says that when he came into WCW it was his mission to win the World Heavyweight Championship, and he did that. He said once he won the title he “swore an oath” to defend the belt wherever he needed to defend it. That’s kind of how it works when you’re a champion anyway, but sure. 

Giant says that whilst Hogan has been off in Hollywood making movies and trying to win an Oscar (lol), he’s been wreaking havoc as the “cancer” of WCW. Giant says that once the nWo turned up WCW came running to him, asking what they can do about the nWo. Giant says he’ll chokeslam them all in the middle of the ring. There you go. Easy solution. What was everybody so worried about? 

Gene says to Jimmy Hart that “we saw you at the top of the program with Shaquille and Hulk” ... does Okerlund realise that was in the distant past? Hart ignores Gene and simply says “Hogan, the Giant will be ready for Hog Wild”. Good to know.

The Giant has at least one supporter behind him. 

There’s an advert for WCW Saturday Night, before we cut straight back to a match. The entrances were not televised so we’ll get straight into it.

Diamond Dallas Page Vs Prince Iaukea

I had to google the Prince’s last name. Easy to say, harder to spell. It’s just a case of getting all the vowels in the right places. 

Prince is still wrestling barefoot for some reason. You would have thought somebody would have advised him to put some boots on by now. They aren’t just a fashion accessory, kid.

This match lasts a couple of minutes before Page bounces off the ropes and hits the diamond cutter.

Diamond Dallas Page defeats Prince Iaukea by Pinfall.

Chavo appears in an “up next” promo where he basically tells Dean Malenko to get ready for a fight.

Those eyes mean business.

We get a promo video on the Benoit/Sullivan feud. It focuses on Sullivan’s worrying obsession with taking his opponents to the men’s restroom. No comment.

Chavo Jr is out... no name graphic, though.

For some reason these people are dancing along to Chavo’s generic rock theme...

Except the little girl in the bottom left, who looks bored beyond belief. In her defence, it’s not been a stellar night as far as matches are concerned.

Deano is out next... no name graphic for him, either. I wonder if the Outsiders legit fucked up something in the production truck? 

Chavo Guerrero Jr Vs Dean Malenko

The match begins and there are two oddities. Firstly I’m fairly sure the bell doesn’t ring to start the match, it just starts. Also the camera is panning across the crowd/nitro logo and totally misses the match starting. Good job. Maybe the Outsiders are actually still in the production truck controlling this thing.

A fast paced start to this one. Stinko eventually slows it down and starts hitting a bunch of suplexes and shit. Hour two is about to start and Tony has to remind us about the countdown because the little dynamite count down stick that’s usually in the bottom right corner is not there. I guess they really can’t get any on screen graphics up!

Fireworks go off and Eric Bischoff comes screaming through the audio as if he’s yelling to us from the end of a telephone line. They eventually get this under control, and Bischoff is way more enthusiastic than Tony was towards the end of that first hour.

Bischoff says that Heenan looks nervous, and although Heenan starts to talk you can’t actually hear him. He’s wayyyy in the background. Looks like production glitches aren’t just limited to the onscreen graphics. Some kind of gong sound affect briefly cuts off Bischoff before Heenan comes roaring into commentary on an unnecessarily high volume. 

Malenko continues to work over Chavo as a lone person chants “boooring”. It really isn’t. The match is decent enough. 

I’m telling you, that fat kid and the people who I assume are his family must be some of the most annoying people on the planet judging by how they’re acting like the front row. They’ve spent most of the show waving at the camera, making stupid poses and pretending to ‘fight’ each other. See example below: 

To be fair to the guy on the far left, he’s not really getting so involved with it, but mustache, pink shirt and the chubby funster are just acting like idiots nonstop. Check out the expression of the kid sitting next to fatso:

Yeah. I feel for you.

Malenko has Chavo in this hold for a while, as fireworks randomly start going off. 

Towards the end of the match Jimmy Hart randomly appears to start shotuing encouragement to Malenko. It wasn’t really needed as Malenko has been in pretty much total control for 95% of the match anyway. 

Malenko gets distracted by the mouth of the south, which allows Chavo to sneak up from behind and nearly get the roll-up victory.

But he only gets a two count. Chavo then attempts an inside cradle for another two count.

Match ends when Chavo jumps off the top turnbuckle, but is caught in mid-air by Malenko, slammed to the mat and then wrapped into the Texas Cloverleaf. Game over. 

Dean Malenko defeats Chavo Guerrero Jr via Submission. 

Bischoff continues to hype up Hog Wild with the tagline of one million bikers and you, or whatever. They all get in free so no gate receipts for WCW. Great idea. 

Meng is yelling largely unintelligible stuff. Jimmy Hart tells Ice Train that after he faces Meng he’ll be “cold as ice”. So, dead then? 

We’re back with Bobby and Eric, who says the Outsiders were “slippery enough” to get into the production truck. I mean... come on. Look at them. Two guys over six and a half feet. They aren’t ghosting in there, are they? It’s just lack of security. 

Eric then starts talking about the Giant/Hogan match, he says “talk is cheap, Hogan, and so are you”. There’s a lot of accusations you can level at the Hulkster, brother, but being cheap certainly isn’t one of them. Dude was one on hell of a wedge. 

We’re onto the next match, out comes Ice Train...

Bischoff reckons Ice Train could be one of “the brightest stars in the years to come”. Not quite, Eric, not quite. They’ve at least got the on screen graphics back up, so that’s something. I do love how happy Ice Train looks when he comes out though.

You get the feeling he’s just a super positive guy. 

The crowd are apparently loving the Train...

Except the little girl in the right. I think she’s actually crying. “No more jobbers, please”.

His opponent is Meng.

Get the feeling this one could be quite a stiff match. Ice Train is an absolute tank and Meng is... well, Meng. Speaking of Meng, Eric Bischoff says that “one hundred years ago, these people were cannibals”. I’m not sure that’s true. Apparently Tonga was known as “the friendly islands” when first discovered by European settlers and that was in 1773. It wasn’t the amazon jungle. 

Ice Train Vs Meng

Ice Train starts off this match with some impressive agility, managing a leapfrog over Meng and hitting him with a flying cross body. 

That is one heavy collision. 

Teddy is out here again, watching the match. This guy is all over the place recently. 

Meng and Train exchange some brutal chops outside the ring, before they get back inside and Train takes control. Meng swings momentum back his way and hits a huge leg drop. Meng pretty much continues to dominate. The match is very slow, as you might imagine. 

The match ends when Meng and Train are fighting on the outside, and suddenly Scott Norton appears and attacks Meng.

Norton rams Meng’s head into the ringpost and that’s a DQ.

Meng defeats Ice Train via Disqualification. 

Norton yells into the camera that he’s got Ice Train’s back, and Train won’t have to worry about anything until Hog Wild.

Could have just told him face-to-face, he’s literally a few feet away, but OK. Also not sure how this is watching Train’s back, he just got the guy disqualified. It’s not like Train was being double-teamed by the Dungeon. 

A promo airs of Hogan’s heel turn at the Bash of the Beach and subsequent events, with an attempt at dramatic storytelling by some guy. He asks “who’s next to join the New World Order?” 

Up next...

Eddie says to never underestimate a person, even after you’ve beaten them. Um... well, by that point it doesn’t really matter, does it? I guess he means in the subsequent rematch. 

We then get another Glacier promo. The same one as earlier in the night. They could have at least made two or three to help add variety. 

Now it’s a promo for Hog Wild. Jeez... are we ever going back to the arena? 

Finally, out comes Psychosis.

He has cool music. I can remember thinking Psychosis in general was a decent wrestler with an interesting look. A shame he never really did anything useful in WCW.

Eddie it out and he gets a random burst of pyro from the top of the set. 

Eddie Guerrero Vs Psychosis

Early “Eddie” chant from the crowd. 

Fast chain wrestling to open the bout. It continues in typical lucha fashion. Eddie clotheslines Psychosis over the top rope...

That’ll be a DQ, right? It was for Scott Norton earlier. No? No. Apparently not this time. Always cool when the rules are just applied whenever it suits the storyline. Helps build consistency. 

Well anyway, Eddie flies off the top onto Psychosis...

Bischoff says this is what makes WCW the most exciting place to be. What, rules applied differently depending on the match? Sure, very exciting.

Eddie rolls Psychosis back into the ring, hits a belly-to-back suplex and gets a two. Psychosis manages to hit some offence, then gets up onto the top turnbuckle and hits a flying spin kick.

Eric says that it is “magic”. Psychosis hits a suicide dive on Eddie, then a guillotine leg drop from the top rope.

The landing looks brutal on the back and buttocks though. Bischoff mentions that Psychosis is from “Triple A” and also name drops NJPW, which is interesting, as usually they just say “Mexico” or “Japan” rather than naming specific promotions. From what I remember WCW did have a working relationship with AAA and NJPW so it makes sense for them to mention the companies. They just don’t normally do so.

Match ends when Eddie hits a frankensteiner off the top rope on Psychosis, then gets up there again and flies with the frogsplash...

Doesn’t get much air on it so the landing looks kinda rough for poor old Psychosis. Anyhow, your winner is Eddie Guerrero. 

Eddie Guerrero defeats Psychosis via Pinfall.

Eddie has possibly been the most over wrestler on the show so far. Not a high bar, granted, but still...

Ric Flair’s music hits and some random guy is peering out of the “C” of the WCW sign.

Hello.

We’ve got two horsemen and three horsewomen (?) but no Slick Ric. 

We come back from a break to this...

Arn Anderson peering through blacked out limo windows, I assume looking for Flair. I find it odd that Flair hasn’t so much as contacted his best friend to let him know where he is, and Anderson instead has to resort to trying to see through dimmed limo windows. I know this is the era before cell phones were a big thing but surely somebody could have borrowed Booker T’s huge ass phone to make a call.

Arn eventually gives up and walks to the ring. Looks like he’ll be taking Flair’s place. 

Out come Sting, Luger and Savage.

The name graphics have disappeared again, by the way. Never mind.

Bischoff is insinuating that Flair might have joined the nWo. Heenan refuses to believe it. 

Mongo, Benoit & Arn Anderson Vs Sting, Luger & Savage

Sting and the Endomorph start things. Anderson pushes Sting, who shoves Arn back. Arn goes flying like Sting smacked him with a sledgehammer. Sting gives Arn a back body drop, then Benoit enters the ring. 

Dealt with.

Macho is wearing an extremely colourful outfit.

Like somebody took a paintbrush and just went crazy. It works for him though.

Mongo hits a fairly basic neckbreaker and the commentators act like he just performed a flying headscissors. “What a move from Mongo!” yells Heenan. Yeah. He then calls Mongo “phenomenal”. I think we have very different definitions of that word, Brain.

Mongo hits one if the shittiest looking drop kicks I’ve ever seen.

Heenan goes wild, screaming “look at that drop kick out of McMichaels!” ... maybe he’s actually being sarcastic. 

We get a shot of the limo...

Did they not do this same schtick a couple of weeks back? Just ban limos from the area. Problem solved.

Benoit beats on Sting in the ring. I don’t think Luger or Savage have literally done anything yet. Sting’s done all the work. 

The Horsemen are still beating on Sting. There’s only a few minutes of the program left so we aren’t going to see much from Macho or Luger tonight. Easy money. 

After what seems like an eternity Sting FINALLY tags in Luger, who comes in and starts decking all three of the horsemen.

Luger’s body is extremely shiny. It’s really noticeable.

The match starts to break down with all six men fighting in the ring.

You know something is about to go down. The camera cuts to the women - Debra is about to throw the metal briefcase in to Mongo, but for some reason Woman grabs it before she can and they have a brief tug-of-war. The Macho Man then appears and grabs the briefcase off them.

Bad intentions.

Savage comes in with Mongo’s metal briefcase and whacks Benoit in the back with it. Luger makes the cover...

And your team of babyfaces win using decidedly heel tactics. OK. I guess if you can’t beat them, join them? The crowd are delighted either way. 

We come back after the break and Mean Gene is in the ring with Sting, Luger and Savage. Something gets thrown in the ring, Gene says “please lady, don’t throw your underwear in here. It’s in bad taste” ... at a theme park, I would say so. Jeez. Macho says “that’s OK”. He doesn’t mind.

Sting is first up. Gene asks him about the match he and Luger have against the Outsiders at Hog Wild.

For some reason Sting is holding on to the briefcase. Not a bad idea if the nWo are around in fairness. He seems to be pondering Gene’s question carefully.

Sting says that last week “the Total Package was feeling kind of beat down, you know what I’m saying?” ... well, yes, he was quite literally beaten down. A bit harsh for Sting to be making light of that but whatever. Sting says he and Luger aren’t feeling down, they’re just feeling mean. “I mean real mean”. Sting says he knows when the Outsiders’ birthdays are, and he doesn’t believe in horoscopes, and he was thumbing through the newspaper and the PPV is going to be really bad for them. The date matches Leos and that makes the Outsiders Leos... erm... 

Indeed.

Luger says that the Outsiders have been pushing all the wrong buttons since they first came onto the scene. He says they’ve done a good job of pushing the three of them over the edge. Luger screams that he’s “losing it”, he says he cares about WCW and the Outsiders have had nothing but “disgust, disdain, and sarcasm” for it. Sarcasm doesn’t seem as bad as the first two but I get where he’s going. He says that at the PPV they’ll learn what he, Sting, Macho, WCW and the fans mean. I rag on Luger sometimes but I thought he had good, intense delivery here. He can cut a good promo when he isn’t stumbling over words.

Macho Man is next.

He says he’s talking directly to Hogan (with Luger giving the evil eye in the background). Macho says he’s going to beat Hogan up in the aisle before he gets to the ring to even face the Giant at Hog Wild. You might have wanted to keep that plan to yourself, Macho. Savage says the army, the navy and the militia aren’t going to be able to stop him kicking Hogan’s head in. Not sure the navy would have anything to do with it unless the fight spills onto a boat somewhere, and what’s the difference between the army and the militia? 

Macho finishes the promo by saying “we’ve got a date, don’t be late, suckerrr!” as Luger gurns into the camera and Sting makes a weird face.

Our heroes, ladies and gentlemen.

The show ends there. So no Outsiders or Hulk Hogan. We never find out who was in the limo either. Could have just been somebody randomly parked there, terrified as the Endomorph creepily tries to peer in. 

“If I stay really still and quiet, he’ll go away eventually.”

[jaylos]

Rant - Rise of the Isle of the Lost

(alternative title: i read rise of the isle of the lost so you don’t have to)

first off i’m probably biased but if you got something out of my opinions in the past then maybe you’ll find this interesting as well.

there are spoilers, obviously, but if you ask me, you really don’t have to read the book, save your money. (i put a short summary under the cut so you know what’s going on)

i’m gonna be honest this turned more into “i’m picking this book apart” than just a rant lmao. i blame the excessive amount of cinemasins i’ve been watching over the past few days.

and be warned - this is gonna be LONG and not very nice.

~summary if you haven’t read the book~ Arabella (Ariel’s niece) snatched the trident to fuck around, causes a storm, and loses it in the ocean. Waves carry it through the barrier to isle territory, because the barrier is penetrable for a short amount of time due to Arabella’s magic fuckery i think.

Uma hears a rumor that the trident is here, but she has no way to get to it before someone else finds it.

Captain Hook hosts a race where everyone can enter with anything that can swim, the price is a pirate ship. Uma wins the race and now has a ship and a pirate crew consisting of Harry, Gil and a few others.

Through Sophie (Yen Sid’s apprentice) they learn that Ursula’s golden seashell necklace is on the Isle of the Doomed (where Maleficent’s castle is) and they sail there to find it, because there’s enough magic left in it to guide them to the trident or something.

They find the trident but then Mal&Co show up.

While all this is happening Arabella tells the rotten four that she lost the trident, and through the magic mirror they find out where it is, and that a lot of people on the isle of the lost are looking for it, so they set out to find it first. FGM catches them as they try to steal a boat that belongs to Ben’s family, but Ben shows up to convince FGM that it was fine. The five of them then drive the boat to the barrier, where Mal pokes a hole and calls the trident to her, just as Uma is about to get her hands on it, overpowering Uma.

There’s also a sideplot where Ben goes to the great wall of China with Lonnie to solve a conflict between two villages but this is all totally irrelevant.

~end of summary~

and just to get this out of the way - don’t give me that “it’s a book for children” bs. just because it’s for a younger demographic doesn’t mean it can’t be good.

ok let’s start with the things i liked:

- Lonnie has a sword (which is a clear sign of lesbianism)

- Jane wants to do magic and she wants to help people fairy godmother style. i love this because 1. it gives her more personality and 2. it’s exactly how i imagined her lmao.

- Mal uses magic despite the magic ban.

- i like Gil, he’s kinda cute. and Harry too, and the dynamic between him and Uma and Gil. (ot3 anyone?)

now to the cons:

- Harry has this obsession with his hook (which he has to hold in his hand cause he still has both hands) which i find interesting, it has so much angst potential but i already know i’m gonna have to write a fic about that myself cause it’s gonna be hella disappointing in the movie because either 1. it’s not talked about at all or 2. it’s only good for a joke or two. (”oh no! my hook!” cue sitcom laugh track)

- the use of the word “guyliner”

- CJ is Harry’s younger sister, Harriet is his older sister. the gastons twins are gil’s brothers. Melissa de la Cruz *grasping at straws*: conSisTEnCy

- speaking of consistency, the anti-heroes club isn’t mentioned once, in case you were wondering.

- there’s another school besides dragon hall on the isle, it’s called Serpent Prep. like, i know there are characters (mostly Uma) who appear now for the first time without being mentioned before, ever. i can forgive that. but making up a whole new school just adds to the confusion of how big the isle actually is, and it’s also completely redundant.  this world just feels like a car accident where more cars keep crashing into the wrecks that are already blocking the street.

- carlos being in favor of the magic ban. what. remember how he was a slave for the better part of his life? “people should learn to live without magic” suck my toe (i made another post about what i think of the magic ban here)

- idk if this is on melissa de la cruz or what but the writing is just. not good. the sentences are boring, the use of adverbs is weird, the characters are shallow, the worldbuilding is.. idk how to describe it. it’s like when you look at the window of a shop and it looks nice, but when you enter it’s empty. or like a cardboard facade.

- all the characters do and say the things that are most obvious for them, but nothing beyond that. there’s no life in the characters and the world doesn’t draw you in.

- also the pacing is awful. in my first reading session i read about a third but it felt like nothing had happened. there’s so much setting up (and most of it is boring, it feels like every character just appears for their mandatory line but it has no relevance) and i’m just waiting for the plot.

- janelos. if you’re a janelos shipper than good for you, but i’m not and i’m salty. they could have such a great platonic relationship, why why why does it have to be romantic? (don’t bother, i already know the answer) they had a scene together, which was kinda sweet (through my platonic goggles), but “her laugh is cute” is not fucking enough to make a romantic relationship believable. 

their entire romantic relationship is built on “he was a boy, she was a girl” and nothing else.

- also devie. i’m pretty indifferent to this ship in general but the way it’s portrayed is so lackluster, like. doug shows up (for no other reason than showing up at least once in this book), is called evie’s boyfriend and that’s kinda it. we didn’t see how they got together, we don’t see what their relationship is like (except doug sorta putting evie on a pedestal), it’s just.. kinda there. wow. so much feeling.

there’s so much time wasted on meaningless worldbuilding that there’s no time left for giving life to the characters and their relationships. (actually there would be time, the book is not that long)

- (safe for uma, harry and gil) this book doesn’t even try to get me to like the main characters and completely relies on the fact that i already know and like them from preceding works.

- there’s always a parallel plot with Ben going on in every book, which is.. not terrible, but especially in this one it’s very distracting from the main plot, besides, what he’s doing is rarely all that interesting.  he’s travelling with lonnie and they had a nice scene together but it ended before it got anywhere near interesting. (Lonnie was about to get character development but then it was about Ben the end)

- not that i dislike ben, or that i don’t care for what he’s doing, but his sideplot is kinda just there so that is already short book isn’t even shorter. in the last book it had at least something to do with what the others were doing, but this time it doesn’t have any significance to the main storyline whatsoever. imo they should’ve just cut the whole bit out and put this content somewhere else, idk, give him his own diary or something, but now it’s just annoyingly strewn throughout the actual story.

(edit: you know what nevermind, this whole plotline is bullshit i’m not even gonna go into it but they punch a whole into the great wall of china and i crave Death™)

- the room that is taken up by ben’s sideplot could’ve been used to elaborate the relationships between the characters, or the characters’ inner lives. this book does so much tell not show that everything feels flat. “they’re best friends, they’re boyfriend/girlfriend, they love each other very much” ya thanks for telling me but is anything gonna happen to back these statements up or

- there’s an entire page that’s basically a montage of the pirate crew repairing Uma’s ship and it’s hella redundant (just like 50% of the book tbh)

- somehow interesting scenes are left out and when the plot is picked up again it’s “this happened and now we’re somewhere else”.

- the other characters get a sideplot too, which would be nice except they all have like 1 character trait and it’s all pretty meaningless. plus, the chapters are all super short and jumping between plotlines all the damn time is annoying.

- new characters appear just to be a plot device. happened with freddie and maddie in book 2, happens now with Arabella in book 3. she’s the niece of Ariel, but we don’t know who her mother is (based on her being described as wearing purple i’m gonna guess it’s Alana) which is excuable because i guess you can’t expect the readers to know all the names of Ariel’s sisters, but it just adds to her being a throwaway character. $100 that Arabella won’t appear in dd2. 

- actually, going off on a tangent about maddie here, wasn’t her background story basically the same as uma’s? that she was a friend of Mal’s when they were little? whatever happened to her, guess well never know cause she’s never gonna appear again.

- new things are made up just for convenience, or idk maybe it’s supposed to flesh out the world but it all feels so disjointed and loveless.  the annual seaside festival (i think it’s called?) where king triton whips out the old trident to give Arabella an opportunity to lose the trident in the first place, the R.O.A.R. competiotion (i forgot what that’s short for too, but it’s a mix of parcour and fencing, whatever) just to give Jay some other purpose besides “is also there” instead of, idk, an actual personality and inner life (but the VK’s dealing with the aftermath of growing up on the Isle is probably too serious and scawy uwu) like idk it’s probably the same in a lot of other stories, but instead of giving life to this world it all feels meaningless (like 98% of wicked world tbh)

- Lonnie has an older brother who wants to launch a hiphop career, and his name is Li’l Shang, which is an absolute fucking joke and takes the cake for worst name in this franchise.

- Ursula’s golden seashell is on the isle because for some reason it didn’t make it to Auradon where it was supposed to be displayed at the museum. i get that they want to use what they can from disney movies but this is just bullshit. the seashell being on the isle makes no fucking sense whatsoever.

- the critical overuse of the word “swaggered”

- seriously it’s like de la cruz saw one of those “words to use instead of walked”- tumblr posts and picked two (swaggered and sauntered)

- almost halfway through, wondering if there’s gonna be a plot

the things in this story just sorta happen, there’s no real suspense curve.

- ok this is really subjective but “Lost Revenge” for a name for a ship is so unnecessarily edgy lmao

- i’m writing most of this stuff as i come across it and at this point i’m just groaning in agony. they just introduced a new character, Sophie, who is Yen Sid’s sorcerer’s intern. intern for sorcery. on the isle of the lost. sure. also, apparently yen sid brought her with him when he moved to the isle like???? i mean the people of auradon already didn’t give a shit about the children that were born on the isle, but they just let yen sid take a little girl with him??? what the fffffffff (also sophie is another throwaway character that will never appear again. i’m blaming this on the fact that there are approximately 462 different canons in this franchise and we don’t get the chance to get attatched to characters that only function as plot devices in whatever canon they appear in)

- a new character called Charlie is introduced as the village elder of Stone Village (china, next to the wall) and he’s only a few years older than ben. he’s the descendant of ??? (molly and arthur weasly, probably) (seriously this is a throwaway character if i’ve ever seen one)

- mal’s morals are inconsistent. she has no problem using her spellbook for minor inconveniences but doesn’t want to steal a boat because it’s not the auRaDOn wAy.

- evie scolding mal for using the spellbook too often because that way she’ll never learn to live without magic (yadda yadda) but she also does this when mal opens a gate with magic in order to get to the boat they are going to steal, even though the matter is pretty time-sensitive and they had no other way of getting around that gate. like i get the idea of “solving problems without magic”, but this was really not the time to play moralizer, evie.

- there’s a yacht club building and FGM is giving it a new coat of paint with her wand solving problems without magic eat my entire ass.

she keeps using her wand!!! what the fuck!!!!

- i’m not going to go into detail over this but everything falls into place so conveniently that there aren’t really any obstacles to overcome and every conflict is solved within a matter of sentences.

- there are small cliffhangers every 200 words because it keeps jumping between plotlines. before you even get the chance to get into one of the plotlines it’s over again and it takes ages for anything to move along cause the stories keep interrupting each other.

- i’m losing my fucking mind over here as we speak. FGM catches the rotten four trying to steal a boat and she seriously thinks sending them back to the isle is an appropriate punishment. this is absolutely ludicrous and completely disproportionate. “this is exactly what we feared when we let villains into Auradon” they! are! children! (i know technically they’re teens but this doesn’t change the fact that imprisoning them on the isle again is super fucking cruel) i can’t believe how terribly literally everything is handled in this goodforsaken fantasy world. (not to mention that this is an insult to the character of FGM)

- so it’s been established that Mal can turn back time and she uses it when Uma reaches the trident. mal turns back time, uma doesn’t have the trident yet. so far so good, right?

look, i know time travel stuff is always prone to plotholes, but this is just ridiculous. 1. when she first uses it she comes to the conclusion “those with villain blood appear to be immune”, because evie wasn’t affected by it. it works on uma (though she remembers reaching the trident but doesn’t understand what happened) and it’s not made clear how it actually affects someone with villain blood. the setup for this whole shtick was weak. idk if i explained that well enough but you can ask me if you want a more detailed explanation i still have salt left lmao. 2. through carlos we know the others felt it happending, but what about ben? they don’t explain it to him even though he should have no memory of mal turning back time. 3. this book had all the time in the world to make this universe’s rules of time travel a little more clear (like why did nothing happen to both uma’s row boat and the speedboat? do objects not get set back in time too?) 4. one rule was explained tho: “it only turns back time to the top of the hour, and only if it’s been less than fifteen minutes” so mal might only have turned back time for like 1 minute, which would explain why the boats remain in the same spot, but it doesn’t change the fact that everything conveniently falls into place again because it just so happens to be *just* the right time for it to work (meaning no more than 15 minutes after a full hour) which in turn makes me wonder why this “top of the hour” rule was established in the first place. they could’ve just left that bit out and this whole thing wouldn’t be another case of dumb luck for the protagonists. i guess i’ll just go fuck myself.

- ok safe for that time travelling bs the last third is actually a lot okay-er than the rest. there was a cool scene where harry fell down a hole and was scared an panicking. this and the whole pirate-crew-escapes-from-a-trap-filled-cave was the best part of the book imo.

- after the great showdown between uma and mal (where they’re not actually face to face due to the barrier and thick fog, which is kind of a cool way to safe their encounter for the movie, i’ll give them that) mal stumbles backwards when she caught the trident and accidentally knocks evie overboard, which is completely unnecessarily dramatic, because the climax is already over, and is just there to show once again how gay mal and evie are for each other, without actually delivering. same old. (there’s also a scene where evie looks at mal “with a fond smile” while she’s sleeping like come on. those two scenes contain more feeling than any interaction between ben and mal ever. and at the end there is an exchange between the two that literally, like word for word, draws parallels to an interaction between ben an mal like are you kidding me)

- Evie says several times that Mal shouldn’t use magic, which is not too out of character i guess, i mean Evie has enough baggage concerning magic that this is believable.

she did use her mirror a lot, which is clearly magic, but somehow this is different from mal solving a problem with her spellbook?? hypocritical much. and it kinda retcons on the whole setup of her not being comfortable with magic.

in the end she gives her mirror to the museum, but it wasn’t her idea. it would’ve tied in with her previous statements a lot better if she herself had been like “i should give up my mirror so i have consistent characterization”

- Audrey dumps Chad for reasons unknown. not that i care all that much about that ship (i do think it’s interesting tho) but idk is this just so the movie doesn’t have to explain why they aren’t together anymore? (would be kinda lazy) felt like it was just there for cheap laughs.

- i’m surprised Jay didn’t get an Obligatory Love Interest™ but actually i’m not surprised because none of the writers care about jay.

- you might remember R.O.A.R. (the fencing/sword fighting-parcour-clusterfuck-sport). so chad was the captain of the team and has practised sword fighting all his life, but jay manages to beat him after a total amount of? 3? or so hours of training? and immediately becomes the new captain? bull

- also jay is supposedly really good at parcour, right? but he needed to practise wall jumps cuz his technique was bad or something for some reason. why tho. isn’t parcour his forte and why did carlos make the team before jay did. like not saying he can’t do roar but come on.

honestly tho, i kinda set myself up for this. i mean i already didn’t like the second book but for some reason i thought this one was going to be different.

the writing, characterization, worldbuilding etc. is just really lazy to me, and tbh i think it just exists to squeeze more money out of this franchise.

other people with different expectations and lower standards for writing might enjoy this tho idk

[wisemarketingmanager-blog]

Cheap Advertising Alternatives in 2018

Looking for cheap Advertising Alternatives in 2018? And who’s not trying to save money with their business in 2018? That’s why you’re here reading this blog right now. This blog is aimed at one of the most popular internet advertising strategies still being used today and continuously moving along into the future…CRAIGSLIST! As a reference I will refer to Craigslist as “CL” in this blog. If you’re a CL advertiser you know the game by now, get up every day and try to post as many ads as you can in as many categories as possible before the competition gets ahead for that day. Nobody said it was easy, to be honest it’s downright annoying but a lot cheaper than paying some advertising company a bunch of money and not get any calls right? If you agree, you are right!

Advertising companies aren’t looking to help small businesses like the ones that use CL. I am referring to the pressure washing companies, movers, plumbers, hvac companies, home remodeling contractors, mechanics, stylists, etc. These seem to be the most popular categories on CL when searching in the services section of any city. What if there was an easier way to get the traffic you deserve that guaranteed you would get results, would you still use CL? Craigslist is Fantastic!

It’s totally 100% absolutely free and you can manage it yourself! You have total control over your ad/posting and the only one responsible for it is yourself. I am telling you what you already know, however there are so many flaws on CL if you’re looking to keep the phone ringing. Things like: • Flagged posts • Overstuffing of duplicate listings • Category confusion • Analytics • User conversion

Let’s think about this rationally for a moment. I am a home remodeling specialist, my business mostly relies on word of mouth referrals and daily calls I get from CL of people asking me for a price quote. I love the word of mouth referrals, I can always count on those. What I could do without is these cheap shoppers that are looking for the cheapest price calling me. You know the ones that call and ask how much do you charge? I hate to give them a flat rate, I really don’t have one because it depends on what they need. You can’t just go sit down at a restaurant and ask how much is the food, it depends on what you want or need right? I wish there was a way I could gain more customers from the internet without the pesky cheap price shoppers I get all day from my CL postings, oh and I would love it if my competition would quit posting the same ad 10 times a day…How are they doing that?

Your Way or Your Customers Way You know that old saying, “The customer is always right”. Let’s take a step back for a moment and look at how you are marketing your business. Is it your way, or is it your customers way? There’s only one way to answer that question. Think about the people in your life whom are closest to you, family, friends, etc.. Let’s say one of your family members comes home from work after a long day and finds their house is flooded because a water pipe broke near the water heater so all of the carpet is ruined and the water is still running.

There are approximately 5 options that a person has when that happens, that include: • Go to Craigslist, click on the home services tab and click around until they find one that says they are local and has a phone number, hopefully they answer. • Call a family member or friend and ask if they know a good plumber and possibly someone who can dry out carpet and pets. • Go on Facebook and type a status looking for recommendations from 500 of their closest friends they’ve never met, then wait. • Get a pipe wrench, teflon tape and a shopvac and get started fixing it. • Go to Google and type in “Emergency Plumber City,St” and call each one in the top 5 of the search results and find out how fast they can get to the house.

Some might say that different people do different things under different circumstances right? That’s very true, but what do the majority of people do when they need a service and they need it quickly? They use GOOGLE. If a customer needs a product or service but it’s not an emergency they will still use Google, but they also might consider Facebook and Craigslist. How are you supposed to know if your customers are using Google or not though? Well, luckily there is an answer! Go to trends.google.com and type in the search term of what your business specializes in, select the city you’re located in and hit the search button and Google will show you actual analytics of how many people in your city are searching for what you do on Google.

Google is Great but Craigslist is Free Using Google Trends, which is a free tool Google provides at trends.google.com it shows that 85% of consumers use Google when searching for a product or service they intend to spend money on, whereas 45% of consumers use social media channels when shopping for a product but not intending to buy, and only 12% of consumers use avenues such as Craigslist, YP, HIBU and other online directories when considering a product or a service. Before I tell you how free Google is let’s evaluate that for just a second please. Only 12%…Why do you think that is? If you read my other blogs you’ll see I have written a plethora of information about consumer habits when buying a product or a service. Convenience, Trust, Service are the 3 pillars of what drives consumer traffic headed into 2018. It takes too long to search on Craigslist unless your shopping for the cheapest deal you can possibly find. Consumers want value, consistency and honesty when spending their hard earned money. The serious shoppers are on Google because its fast and the information is clear and concise with what the consumer searched.

There are many ways to appear on Google without spending a lot of money, if any at all. They include tools like: • Google My Business • Google Places • Google Maps • Google Trends • Google Analytics • Google Search Console • Google Sites • and so much more…

It doesn’t cost an arm and a leg to be on Google. It just takes time and a commitment to be the best in your industry. No business wants to be known as the cheaper alternative in their respective industry, so don’t be! Do your research, be smart about your decisions and move your business where your REAL customers are looking – Google.

I’m a small business, Google traffic would make me too busy!!! If you’re a Craigslist advertiser you can certainly identify with this statement above. Just because you’re on Google doesn’t mean your phone will ring off the hook day and night. You get to choose how you want your business to appear to your consumers so you can attract the right demographic for what you can offer. No sense in building a bridge that is 10 miles long if the lake is only 5 miles across. Get the proper placement on Google and Facebook and target your consumers that you wish to serve. DO NOT EVER wait for people to come to you. They more than likely won’t anyway, in this fast evolving digital marketplace you have to appear to your customers when they need you most. Set a firm call to action, take control of what’s yours and claim the success you deserve. Remember, success doesn’t come in a day, a week or a month…It comes when it’s time and because you earned it and you deserve it. Do not forget that!

Who Are We? We are Coastal Web Services, a 20 year old company with roots as deep as the oak trees out front. We pride ourselves on being a consultation based digital marketing agency that helps small businesses just like yours claim the success they deserve online. With so many advertising options out there to choose from, it’s hell on Earth trying to figure out which one is best for you without worrying about getting robbed for some monthly fee every month. At Coastal Web Services, we take that guess work out of it for you and work with you to make sure you have a comprehensive strategy to succeed that you can manage yourself and be your own boss of your marketing as well as your business.

Call us today for a free consultation and speak with me. I’ll be glad to help you find the answer to your future commerce.

Your friend in marketing, John Daniel